a record in rithme being an essay towards the reformation of the law offer'd to the consideration of the committee appointed for that purpose / vvritten by some men of law, at a time when they had little else to doe. brome, alexander, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (wing r ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing r estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a record in rithme being an essay towards the reformation of the law offer'd to the consideration of the committee appointed for that purpose / vvritten by some men of law, at a time when they had little else to doe. brome, alexander, - . butler, samuel, - . p. s.n., [london : ?] a burlesque of legal forms, in verse. caption title. written by alexander brome. cf. halkett & laing ( nd ed.); bm. place and date of publication from wing. included in the rd ed. of brome's "songs and other poems"; the preface to a edition, however, with title "the record of a famous action upon the case", notes "that it was then generally thought to have been traslated [i.e. written?] by the author of hudibras". reproduction of original in bodleian library. eng a r (wing r ). civilwar no a record in rithme, being an essay towards the reformation of the law, offer'd to the consideration of the committee appointed for that purp brome, alexander b the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the b category of texts with fewer than defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - john latta sampled and proofread - john latta text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a record in rithme , being an essay towards the reformation of the law , offer'd to the consideration of the committee appointed for that purpose . vvritten by some men of law , at a time when they had little else to doe . be it remembred now that formerly , to witt last term o' th' holy trinitie , before the keepers of the liberty of england , by the full authority of the long parliament , at westminster , priscilla merecrave widow came , by her atturney m. b. and preferrs , i' th court of upper bench , a bill of hers , against one roger pricklove , who doth lye a prisoner in the marshalls custody . et cetera , and 't is upon a plea of trespass on the case , pledges there be to prosecute the suit , to witt iohn doe and richard ro● . and the said bill also doth follow in these very words , to wit in legal manner , london , scilicet . declaration . priscilla morecrave widow doth complain of roger pricklove , who doth now remain , prisoner to th' marshall of the marshalsie , of the said keepers of the liberty , of england by authority and power , of parliament , i' th' bench superiour , before the same keepers themselves that bee , for that ( to wit ) whereas the aforesaid shee priscilla morecrave , is a person just , honest , and faithful , one that never durst give the least cause for to be thought unchast , but hath lived ever modest , and was grac't , with godly education , and demurely , behav'd her self ; and all her life most purely , hath with the zealous & precize consorted , and free from all uncleanesse was reported , vvho never was amongst the well affected , stain'd with a crime , or in the least suspected , but with the pious people of this nation , hath had good fame , credit , and reputation ; by which good reputation , she hath gain'd not only love , and favour , but obtain'd a plentiful estate , by which most freely she manag'd her affairs ; and that ralph seely one of the assembly late at westminster , a godly-gospel-preaching-minister , vvas earnest suiter in the way of mariage , to have her for his yoak fellow ; his cariage , and his most saint like loving humble speeches , had her consent to all that he beseeches . and she agreed to give him all content , to wed him by the act of parliament . three times the contract publish't , then their trust is that all shall be compleated by the justice . but this said roger all aforesaid knowing , maliciously intending her undoeing , to blast her reputation , and dishonour her unstain'd chastity ; to cast upon her infamous obloquy , to disrepute her , and to deprive her of her foresaid suiter ; by breaking of the mariage was intended ; to leave her to the world lost , and unfriended , in month september , day of the same eleven , one thousand six hundred fiftie seven , of our lords year , as by our computation , our common-wealth reckons from th' incarnation , at london in the parish of st. mary bow , in the ward of cheap , he then contrary to truth most falsly and maliciously in hearing of right worthy company , and honorable persons , noble lords , did speak these false , and most reproachful words , to and of her the plantiff ; that 's to say , you are a pockie whore , and at this day you have three bastards living , which do dwell , two in pick-hatch , and one in clarkenwell . by reason of which false malicious speaking of the said roger , to her great-heart-breaking , the godly-gospel minister , her suiter , forbears his former suit , and for the future , did make profession he would never take her , to be his consort , but did quite forsake her ; and all her friends with whom she had repute , do now esteem her for a prostitute ; vvhereby she is the worse , and damnifi'd , one thousand and five hundred pounds , beside . and thereupon she doth her suit produce , in the upper bench because of this abuse . imparlance . and now until this day , that is to say , on munday three weeks after michaels day in this same term , which very day untill roger had leave t' emparle unto that bill , and then to answer it ; before the same keepers , as well the said priscilla came , i' th court of upper bench , at westminster by that attourney nam'd before , for her as the aforesaid roger who doth come by his attourney , a. b. and doth defend the force and injurie , vvhen , where et cetera . and saith that shee , the said priscilla , ought not maintain , nor have therupon her suit against him , for protesting , not acknowledging , that shee is half so honest as shee 'ld seem to bee , nor is her body , or her life so clear , nor so unspotted , as shee would appear ; nor is shee of so chast a reputation , as is pretended by her declaration . protesting also that the said ralph seely ( though oft together did both hee and shee lye ) nere ment to marry her , but all his power of love was quench'd in lesse than an half an hour . besides hee 'd quite undoe her , if he had , his learning was so small his life so bad . for plea he saith that at the time , wherein shee does suppose these slandrous words t'have bin spoke by th' aforesaid roger , shee the sayd priscilla was nor widow , wife , nor mayd , and though shee pass'd for an unbroken virgin , shee catch'd th' aforesaid presbyter in her gyn ; and with his wall-ey'd saintship plaid the sinner , who b'ing inspir'd by a thanksgiving dinner , did carnally her body know , to wit the crime of fornication did commit ; in the same ward , and parish , to his honour , he at on clap got great boys upon her . all which for privacy were put to feeding , at bridewell and pickbatch , to learn good breeding . and she in recompence clap'd him so sore , with anglice french-pox , it made him rore , and put his genitalls in such a pickle , that all his parish women did article , and out him of his benefices twain , and into scotland made him trot again . wherefore ( as lawfull 't was ) on this occasion , he spake the words layd in the declaration . and this he iustifies , and judgment crave , if she this suit ought to maintain or have . replication . and she the said priscilla doth maintain her said action , against all that 's said to stain her , and saith this court nor will nor can forejudge her for ought that 's pleaded by the foresaid roger but though by his said plea ; shee 's forc'd to tarry , her suit against him , yet she ought to carry ; protesting therefore she 's not such a liver , nor of such fame , as the said plea doth give her out for to be , but that she hath not vary'd , one jott in life from what she hath declared . and on the said ralphs part protesting farther , that of the kirke he was a godly father . and of as pure and chast a conversation , as any presbyter within the nation . and free from any lustfull act committing , with her , or any other deed unfitting . for replication saith , she was not knowing , of the said ralph but years last foregoing . during which time , and till the said words spoke were , by the said roger ( that almost have broke her ) she liv'd a matrons life , chaft , grave , and thrifty , and came unto the age of three and fifty ; and the said ralph all the said time , by reason of his much preaching in and out of season , and of his fasting long , and longer praying , and from his peoples not their duties paying , in the same ward and parish , grew so weakly , that of his life he did despair weekly : which weaknesse had so very much out worn-him , that in his bed he was not able turn him ; till that a learned doctor of the colledge who of his sicknesse had full perfect knowledge , for gaining of his health did much exhort him , to wedde an honest matron to comfort him . which the said ralph well liking , and well knowing the honour to the said priscilla owing , and thinking that delayes might greatly worse him , with zeal , did court her for a wife to nurse him : and she in pity to his weak condition , did condescend to be his shee physician , and for their joynt desires better carrying , a day by both appointed was for marrying . but on the suddain off the same was broken by the said roger's words aforesaid spoken : by meanes whereof , he the said ralph , endure could not the said priscilla for a cure , but of relief his expectations falling , and his long sicknesse more and more prevailing , in month october , day thereof that first is , in the lords year that formerly exprest is , at the said ward , the said ralph much in trouble , did dye , to 's losse , possess'd of living double : and left the said priscilla to bemoan her , for that no other man would after own her ; and that she truly doth reply and don't lye , she prayes may be inquired by the country . rejoynder . and the aforesaid roger saith the plea by her the said priscilla formerly put in and pleaded by her replication , in the aforesaid manner , form , and fashion , and the whole matter that 's contained there are not sufficient in the law , for her the said priscilla , to maintain her foresaid suit against him , and there need be no more said : nor by the lawes of england is it fit , that he should make answer unto it , this he to averre is ready . whereupon for want of better replication in this behalf , he doth a judgment pray , and that she from having her action may be barr'd , for this against him ; and for the causes why he doth in law demurre upon that replication , he the said roger according to the stature made , and in such case provided , doth declare and shew to'th court of upper bench that 's here , these causes following , to wit , that this said replication insufficient is , negative , pregnant , and uncertain , nude , double , wants forme , and does not conclude rightly , according to the legal way . ioyning in demurrer : and she the said priscilla here doth say that the said plea which by reply has bin pleaded by her , and what 's contain'd therein , in point of law , good , and sufficient be , her suit against him to maintain , and she that plea and matter , pleaded as above , is ready here both to maintain and prove , as this court shall consider , and think sit , and 'cause he does not answer it , nor yet deny that replication any way , the said priscilla ( as before ) doth pray judgment , and dammages , to be judg'd to her , for all this injury which he did do her . but cause this court here not advised is of giving judgment of the premises , a day 's giv'n to both parties to appear i' th upper bench , before the keepers here at westminster , till munday after eight dayes of st. hillary , for the receipt , and hearing of their judgment upon it , for that the court is not advis'd as yet . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- london , ss. wit and loyalty reviv'd in a collection of some smart satyrs in verse and prose on the late times / by mr. abraham cowley, sir j. berkenhead, and the ingenious author of hudibras, &c. cowley, abraham, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing c estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) wit and loyalty reviv'd in a collection of some smart satyrs in verse and prose on the late times / by mr. abraham cowley, sir j. berkenhead, and the ingenious author of hudibras, &c. cowley, abraham, - . birkenhead, john, sir, - . butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. for w. davis, london printed : . first two parts have special title-pages. reproduction of original in the university of illinois (urbana-champaign campus). library. the puritan and papist, a satyr / by mr. abraham cowley -- the assembly-man / written by sir john birkenhead in the year -- a proposal humbly offered for the farming of liberty of conscience / written in the year by the author of hudibras. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng political satire, english. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - john latta sampled and proofread - john latta text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion wit and loyalty reviv'd , in a collection of some smart satyrs in verse and prose on the late times . by mr. abraham cowley , sir j. berkenhead , and the ingenious author of hudibras , &c. victrix causa deis placuit sed victa poetis . london printed , for w. davis . . the publisher to the reader . i have been often tempted to admire , since the publishing mr. cowley's papers , by what fate so excellent a satyr upon the times , and so worthy the author , as the puritan and papist , should escape the ingenious publisher , when at the same time his copy upon brutus , and that upon the bishop of lincoln's enlargement from the tower have met with the good fortune to have place there , although they are in some sort , satyrs upon himself and so unworthy his name , and the good company they appear in : that considering the loyalty of their arguments , we might , it may be have expected them in mr. waller's works rather than mr. cowley's ; and from thence to have been purged by the wisdom of later and more correct editions of his book , together with the penegyrick to oliver , and the elegy on his death , called the storm . both which seem , in a manner , to have inherited the lot , no less than the guilt of the usurper , upon whom they were made : the former , claiming the laurel , but that it wanted abetter title to the crown : and the latter , to have so insensibly disappeared on a sudden as if by a resembling fate , it had been snatcht away in the same storm in which the tyrant himself was lost . whether it were an exeess of modesty in mr. cowly that condemned it as an abortive , and so , though it had appeared formerly in print to have no place in his collection , but to take its fortune with the blossoms and unripe follies of his youth : or whether it were an excess of good nature in him that sentenced it to suffer , merely as it was a satyr and so lookt upon as a piece of persecution , and like draco's laws , written in blood , as we find the best natures inclined to check and be angry at themselves when once the fit of choler is over ; i say whether of these were the cause of suppressing it i shall not now presume to examine . but because under the color of doing justice to the satyre , i may be thought to have done wrong to mr. cowly , and only to have borrowed his name ; to enhance the value of what comes with it , it s own recommendation . to remove such doubts , i shall observe in its justification , that it first c●me out in the year . what time he lay at st. johns colledge in oxford , signed with a. c. though to make the cypher plainer yet , i doubt not when the satyr is dully considered , to those that can judge aright , it will spell his entire name at length . for as the proportions , the posture or design serue as never failing marks to such as are curious to discern the m●st●rly hand of the inimitable titian , or vandike . so in the adm●red pieces of our great masters of writing , there want not the like bold strokes and life - touches in the style that evidently betray whose originals they are . in so much as to convince any who are their authors , when they discover themselves by their own light , is altogether , as needless is to hold a candle to the sunne . if we believe horace in his art of poetry ( surely in his own art horace is as much to be believed , as aristotle in philosophy ) he reckons ●●t amongst the felicities of a good style , that it cannot be imitated when he says . ex noto fictum carmen sequar , ut sibi quivis . sperat idem , sudat multum , frustraque laboret . ausus idem — which is finely render'd by the e. of roscomon . begin with truth , then give invention scope , and if your style be natural and smooth , all men will try , and hope to write as well ; and ( not without much pains ) be undeceiv'd . now if this be justly esteemed a master-piece of poetry , that what it delivers comes the nearest to our understandinge , at the same time as it is removed the farthest from our imitation , i am very well assured , i shall be acquitted from all suspition of cheating the world with any thing under mr. cowley's name which hath no title to it , since his style is no less difficult to counterfeit , than it is easie to conceive . i cannot think it any reproach to mr. cowly for him to walk abroad into the world in good company ; the other two gentlemen being , both of them celebrated wits , and of the loyal party engag'd , in the same interest , and active in the same cause with himself . and it is no new thing for wits and cavaliers , to find out one another and associat together indeed they were men whose mirth was so innocent , whose wit so regular , and whose conversation so entertaining and agreeable as i cannot but persuade my self , that they themselves would have made choice of no other company when they were living , as the reader can embrace no better , amongst the dead . the puritan and the papist , a satyr first published in the year . by mr. cowley . the character of the assembly-man , first printed in the year . by sir j. berkenhead . proposals for farming out liberty of conscience , first published in the year . by the ingenious author of hudibras . the puritan and the papist . a satyr , by mr. abraham cowley . london printed for w. davis , / . the puritan and the papist . a satyr . so two rude waves , by storms together thrown , roar at each other , fight , and then grow one. religion is a circle ; men contend , and run the round in dispute without end . now in a circle who go contrary , must , at the last , meet of necessity . the roman cath'lique to advance the cause allows a lye , and calls it pia fraus . the puritan approves and does the same , dislikes nought in it but the latin name . he flows with his devises , and dares lye in very deed , in truth , and verity . he whines , and sighs out lies , with so much ruth , as if he griev'd , 'cause he could ne'er speak truth . lies have possest the press so , as their due , 't will scarce i fear , henceforth print bibles true . lies for their next strong fort ha'th ' pulpit chose , there they throng out at ' th preachers mouth , and nose . and how ee'r gross , are certain to beguile the poor book-turners of the middle isle . nay to th' almightie's self they have been bold to lye , and their blasphemous minister told , they might say false to god ; for if they were beaten , he knew 't not , for he was not there . but god , who their great thank fulness did see , rewards them straight with another vict'rie , just such an one as brainford ; and san's doubt will weary er 't be long their gratitude out . not all the legends of the saints of old , not vast baronius , nor sly surius , hold such plenty of apparent lies , as are in your own author , jo. browne cleric . par. besides what your small poets , said or writ ; brookes , strode , and the baron of the saw-pit : with many a mental reservation . you 'll maintain liberty , reserv'd [ your owne . ] for th'publique good the sums rais'd you 'll disburse ; reserv'd , [ the greater part for your own purse . ] you 'll root the cavaliers out , every man ; faith , let it be reserv'd here ; [ if ye can . ] you 'l make our gracious charles , a glorious king ; reserv'd [ in heav'n , ] for thither ye would bring his royal head ; the only secure roome for kings , where such as you , will never come . to keep th'estates o'th'subjects you pretend ; reserv'd [ in your own trunkes ] you will defend the church of england , 't is your protestation ; but that 's new-england , by a small reservation . pow'r of dispensing oaths the papists claime ; case hath got leave of god to do the same . for you do hate all swearing so , that when you 've sworn an oath , ye break it streight agen . a curse upon you ! which hurts most these nations , cavaliers swearing , or your protestations ? nay , though oaths be by you so much abhorr'd , y'allow god damn me in the puritan lord. they keep the bible from lay-men , but ye avoid this , for ye have no layety . they , in a forraigu and , unknown tongue pray , you in an unknown sence your prayers say : so that this difference 'twixt ye does ensue , fools understand not them , not wise men you . they an unprofitable zeal have got , of invocating saints that hear them not . 't were well you did so , nought may more be fear'd in your fond prayers , than that they should be heard . to them your non-sence well enough might pass , they'd ne'er see that i' th' divine looking-glass . nay , whether you 'd worship saints is not known , for y'have as yet of your religion none . they by good-works think to be justifi'd , you into the same error deeper slide ; you think by works too justifi'd to be , and those ill works ; lies , treason , perjurie . but oh ! your faith is mighty ; that hath been , as true faith ought to be , of things unseen . at wor'ster , brainford and edg-hill , we see , only by faith y'have got the victory . such is your faith , and some such unseen way the publique faith at last your debts will pay . they hold free-will ( that nought thier souls may ▪ bind ) as the great priviledge of all mankind . you 're here more mod'rate , for 't is your intent , to make 't a priv'ledg , but of parliament . they forbid priests to marry ; you worse do , their marriage you allow , yet punish too : for you 'd make priests so poor , that upon all who marry , scorn and beggery must fall . they a bold pow'r o'er sacred scriptures take , blot out some clauses , and some new ones make . your great lord jesuite brookes publiquely said , ( brookes whom too little learning hath made mad ) that to correct the creed ye should do well , and blot out christs descending into hell. repent wild man , or you 'll ne'er change , i fear , the sentence of your own descending there : yet modestly they use the creed , for they would take the lord's pray'r root and branch away . and wisely said a levite of our nation , the lord's pray'r was a popish innovation . take heed , you 'll grant ere long it should be said , an 't be but to desire your daily bread. they keep the people , ignorant , and you . keep both the people , and your selves so too , they blind obedienee and blind duty teach ; you blind rebellion and blind faction preach . nor can i blame you much , that ye advance that which can onely save ye , ignorance ; though heaven be praised , t' has oft been proved well your ignorance is not invincible . nay such bold lies to god himself ye vaunt , as if you 'd fain keep him too , ignorant . limbus and purgatory they believe , for lesser sinners , that is , i conceive . malignants only ; you this trick does please , for the same cause ye've made new limbuses , where we may lye imprison'd long ere we a day of judgment in your courts shall see . but pym can , like the pope , with this dispence ; and for a bribe , deliver souls from thence . their councils claim infallibility , such must your conventicle synod be : and teachers from all parts of th' earth ye call , to make 't a council , occumenical . they sev'ral times appoint from meats t' abstain ; you now for the irish wars , a fast ordain : and that that kingdom might be sure to fast , ye take a course to starve them all at last . nay though ye keep no eves , fridays , nor lent , not to dress meat on sundays you 're content ; then you repeat , repeat , and pray , and pray ; your teeth keep sabbath , and tongues , working day . they preserve reliques ; you have few or none , unless the clo● sent to john pym by one . or holl●ses rich widdow , she who carry'd a relique in her wombe , before she marry'd . they in succeeding peter take a pride ; so do you ; for your master ye've deny'd . but chiefly peter's priviledge ye choose , at your own wills to bind and to unloose . he was a fisherman ; you 'll be so too , when nothing but your ships are left to you . he went to rome , to rome you backward ride , ( though both your goings are by some denyed . ) nor is 't a contradiction , if we say , you go to rome the quite contrary way ; he dy'd o' th' cross ; that death 's unusual now ; the gallows is most lik't , and that 's for you . they love church musick , it offends your sence , and therefore ye have sung it out from thence , which shews , if right your mind be understood , you hate it not as musick but as good. your madness makes you sing as much as they dance , who are bit with a tarantula . but do not to your selves alas appear , the most religious traytors that eer ' were ; because your troopes singing of psalmes do goe ; there 's many a traytor has marcht holborn so . nor was 't your wit this holy project bore ; tweed and the tyne has seen those tricks before . they of strange miracles and wonders tell , you are your selves a kind of miracle ; even such a miracle as in writ divine we read o' th' devils hurrying down the swine . they have made images to speak , 't is said , you a dull image have your speaker made ; and that your bounty in offerings might abound , y'have to that idol giv'n six thousand pound , they drive out devils they fay ; here ye begin to differ , i confess ; you let them in . they maintain transubstantiation ; you by a contrary philosophers stone , to transubstantiate metalls have the skill ; and turn the kingdoms gold to ir'n and steel . i' th' sacrament ye differ but 't is noted , bread must be flesh , wine blood , if e'rt be voted . they make the pope their head , y'exalt for him primate and metropolitane , master pym ; nay white , who sits i' th' infallible chaire , and most infallably speaks nonsence there : nay cromwel , pury , whistler , sir john wray , he who does say , and say , and say , and say . nay lowry who does new church-gover'ment wish , and prophesies , like jonas , ' midst the fish , who can such various business wisely sway , handling both herrings and bishops in one day . nay all your preachers women , boys , and men , from master calamy to mistress ven , are perfect popes in their own parish grown ; for to outdoe the story of pope jone : your women preach too , and are like to be the whores of babylon , as much as she. they depose kings by force ; by force you 'd do it , but first use fair means to persuade them to it . they dare kill kings ; and 'twixt ye here 's the strife , that you dare shoot at kings , to save their life . and what 's the diff'rence , 'pray , whether he fall by the popes bull , or your oxe general ? three kingdoms thus ye strive to make your own ; and like the pope usurp a triple crown . such is your faith , such your religion ; let 's view your manners now , and then i 've done . your cov'teousness let gasping ireland tell , where first the irish lands , and next ye sell the english blood ; and raise rebellion here , with that which should suppress , and quench it there . what mighty summs have ye squeez'd out o' th' city ? enough to make 'em poor , and something witty. excise , loans , contributions , pole-moneys , bribes , plunder , and such parl'ament priv'ledges , are words which you ne'er learnt in holy writ , 'till th' spirit and your synod mended it . where 's all the twentieth part now which hath been paid you by some , to forfeit the nineteen ? where 's all the goods distrain'd , and plunders past ? for you 're grown wretched , pilfring knaves at last ; descend to brass and pewter ; till of late , like midas , all ye toucht , must needs be plate . by what vast hopes is your ambition fed ? 't is writ in blood and may be plainly read . you must have places and the kingdom sway ; the king must be a ward to your lord say. your inn'cent speaker to the rolles must rise , six thousand pound hath made him proud and wise . kimbolton for his fathers place doth call ; would be like him ; would he were , face and all . isaack would always be lord mayer and so , may always be , as much as he is now . for the five members , they so richly thrive , that they would always be , but members five . only , pym doth his natural right enforce , by th' mothers side he 's master of the horse , most shall have places by these pop'lar tricks , the rest must be content with bishopricks . for 't is against superstition your intent , first to root out that great church ornament , money and lands ; your swords alas are drawn , against the bishop , not his cap , or lawn . o let not such lewd sacriledge begin , tempted by henrie's rich succesful sin. henry the monster king of all that age ; vvild in his lust , but wilder in his rage . expect not you his fate , though hotham thrives in imitating henrie's tricks for wives nor fewer churches hopes than wives to see buried , and then their lands his own to be . ye boundless tyrants , how do you outvy , th' athenians thirty , romes decemviry ? in rage ' injustice ' cruelty as far above those men , as you in number are . what mist'ries of iniquity doe we see ? new prisons made to defend libertie ; our goods forc'd from us for propri'ti's sake ; and all the real non-scence which ye make . ship-money was unjustly ta'en , ye say ; unjustlier far , you take the ships away . the high commission , you call'd tyranny , ye did ; good god! what is the high-committy ? ye said that gifts , and bribes preferments bought , by money and blood too , they now are sought . to the kings will the laws men strove to draw ; the subjects will , is now become the law. 't was fear'd a new religion would begin ; all new religions , now are entred in . the king delinquents to protect did strive ; what clubs , pikes , halberts , lighters , sav'd the five ? you think the parl'ment , like your state of grace , what ever sins men do , they keep their place . invasions then were fear'd against the state. and strode swore last year would be eighty-eight . you bring in forraign aid to your designs ; first those great forraign forces of divines , with which ships from america were fraught . rather may stinking tobacco still be brought . from thence , i say : next ye the scots invite , which ye term brotherly assistance right ; for england you intend with them to share : they who alas ! but younger brothers are , must have the moneis for their portion ; the houses and the lands will be your owne . we thank ye for the wounds which we endure , whilst scratches and slight pricks ye seek to cure . we thank ye for true real fears at last , which free us from so many false ones past . we thank ye for the blood which fats our coast , as a just debt paid to great strafford's ghoast . ) we thank ye for the ills receiv'd , and all which yet by your good care , in time we shall . we thank ye , and our gratitude's as great as yours , when you thankt ' god for being beat . the character of an holy-sister she that can sit three sermons in aday , and of those three , scarce bear three words away , she that can rob her husband , to repair a budget priest that noses a long prayer . she that with lamb-black , purifies her shooes , and with half eyes and bible , softly goes ; she that her pockets with lay-gospel stuffs , and edifies her looks with little ruffs . she that loves sermons as she does the rest , still standing stiff , that longest are the best . she that will ly , yet swear , she hates a lyer , except it be the man , that will lye by her . she that at christenings , thirsteth for more sack , and draws the broadest handkerchief for cake . she that sings psalms devoutly next the street , and beats her maid , i th' kitching where none see 't . she that will sit in shop for five hours space , and register the sins of all that pass . damn at first sight , and proudly dares to say , that none can possibly be sav'd , but they . that hangs religion in a naked ear , and judge mens hearts , according to their hair. that could afford to doubt , who wrote best sence , moses or dod on the commandements . she that can sigh and cry , queen elizabeth , rail at the pope , and scratch out sudden death . and for all this can give no reason why , this is an holy sister verily . the assembly-man ; written by sir john birkenhead ; in the year . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . i. e. he seditiously stirs up men to fight : he 'll teach others the way whereof himself is most ignorant ; and persuades men to take an oath , because himself had sworn it before . london , printed for w. davis , anno dom. / . reader , this pamphlet was torn from me by those who say they cannot rob , because all is theirs . they found it where it slept many years forgotten ; but they ' waken'd it , and made false transcripts . they exciz'd what they liked not ; so mangled and reform'd , that 't was no character of an assembler , but of themselves . a copy of that reformling had crept to the press . iseiz'd and stopt it , unwilliug to father other mens sins . here therefore you have it ( as 't was first scribled ) without addition of a syllable ; i wish i durst say here 's nothing lopt off . but men and manners are chang'd , at least they say so . if yet this trifle seem born with teeth , you know whose hands were knuckle-deep in the blood of that renouned chancellor of oxon ( arch-bishop laud ) though when they cut up that great martyr , his two greatest crimes were the two greatest glories great britain can boast of , st. paul's church and the oxford library . where you find no coherence , remember this paper hath suffer'd decimation : better times have made it worse , and that 's no fault of j. berkenhead . the assembly-man . an assembler is part of the states ' chattels : nor priest , nor burgess , but a participle that shark's upon both . he was chosen , as sir nathaniel , because he knew least of all his profession : not by the votes of a whole diocese , but by one whole parliament-man . he ha's sate four years towards a new religion , but in the interim left none at all : as his masters , the commons had along debate whether canáles or no candles , but all the mean while sate still in the dark : and therefore when the moon quits her oldlight , and has acquir'd no new , astronomeres say she is in her synodes . shew me such a picture of judas as the assembler , ( a griping , false , reforming brother ; rail's at waste spent upon the anointed ; persecutes most those hands which ordain'd him ; brings in men with swords and staves ; and all for money from the honourable scribes and pharisees : ) one touch more ( a line tyed to his name-sake elder-tree ) had made him judas , root and branch . this assembly at first was a full century ; which should be reckon'd as the scholiast's hecatomb , by their feet , not heads : or count them by scores , for in things without heads six score go to an hundred . they would be a new septuagint ; the old translated scripture out of heberw into greek , these turn in to four shillings a day ? and and these assemblers were begot in one day , as hercules's fifty bastards all in one night . their first list was sprinkled with some names of honour , ( dr. sanderson , dr. morley-dr . hammond , &c , ) but these were divines ; too worthy to mix with such scandalous ministers , and would not assemble without the royal call. nay , the first list had one archbishop , one bishop , and an half , ( for bishop brownrigg was then but elect. ) but now their assembly ( as philosophers think the world ) consists of atoms ; petty small levites , whose parts are not perceptible . and yet these inferior postern teachers have intoxicated england ( for a man sometimes grow's drunk by a glister . ) when they all meet , they shew beasts in asrick by promiscuous coupling engender monsters . mr selden visit's them ( as persians use ) to see wild asses fight : when the commons have tyr'd him with their new law , these bretheren refresh him with their mad gospel : they lately were gravell'd 'twixt jerusalem and jerico ; they knew not the distance 'twixt those two places ; one cry'd twenty miles , another ten , 't was concluded seven , for this reason , that fishwas brought from jericho to jerusalem market : mr selden smil'd and said perhaps the fish , was salt fish and so stopp'd their mouths . earl philip goes thither to hear them spend ; when he heard them toss their national , provincial , classical , congregational ; he swore damnably , that a pack of good dogs made better musick : his allusion was porper , since the elder 's maid had a four-legg'd husband . to speak truth , this assembly is the two houses tiring-room where the lords and the commons put on their visards and masques of religion . and their honors have so sifted the church , that at last they have found the bran of the clergy . yet such poor church-menders must reform and shuffle : though they find church government may a thousand wayes be changd for the worse , but not one way for the better . these have lately publish'd annotations on the bible , where their first note ( on the word create ) is a libel against kings for creating of honors . their annotation on jacob's two kids , is , that two kids are too much for one man's supper : but he had ( say they ) but one kid and the other made sauce . they observe upon herod , what a tyrant he was , to kill insants under two years old , without giving them legal trial , that they might speake for themselves . commonly they follow the geneva margin , as those sea-men who understood not the compass crept a long the shore . but i hear they threaten a secoud edition , and in the interim thrust forth a paultry catechism , which expounds nine commandements , and eleven articles of the creed . of late they are much in love with chronograms , because ( if possible ) they are duller than anagrams ; o how they have torn the poor bishops names to pick out the number ! little dreaming that a whole bakers dozen of their own assembly have that beastly number in each of their names , and that as exactly as their solemn league and covenant consist's of words . but though the assembler's brains are lead , his countenance is brass ; for he damned such as held two benefices , while himself has four or five , besides his concubine lecture . he is not against pluralities , but dualities ; he says it is unlawful to have two of his own , though four of other mens ; and observes how the hebrew word sor life has no singular number . yet it is some relief to a sequestred person to see two assemblers snarl for his tithes ; for of all kind of beasts none can match an assembler but an assembler . he never enters a church by the door , but clambers up through a window of scquestration , or steals in through vaults and cellars by clandestine contracts with an expecting patron . he is most sure no law can hurt him , for laws dyed in england the year before the assembler was born . the best way to hold him , is ( as our king richard bound the king of cyprus ) in silver chains . he loves to discourse of the new jerusalem , because her streets are of fine gold ; and yet could like london as well , were cheapside paved with the philosopher's stone . nay , he would say his prayers with beads , if he might have a set made of all diamonds : this , this is it which tempts him to such mad articles against the loyal clergy , whom he dresses as he would have them appear ; just as the ballad of dr. faustus brings forth the devil in a friars weed . he accused one minister , for saying the blessed virgin was the mother of god , ( 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , as the ancients call her . ) another he charged for a common drunkard , whom all the country knows has drunk nothing but water these years . but the assembler himself can drink widows tears though their husbands are not dead . sure , if paracelsus's doctrine were true , ( that to eat creatures alive will perpetuate man's life ) the assembler were imortal , for he swallows quick men , wives , and children ; and devours lives as well as livings , as if he were born in that pagan province where none might marry till he had killed twelvechristians . this makes him kneel to lieutenant general cromwel ( as indians to the devil ; ) for he saw how oliver first threw — , then — and can with a wink do as much for — : like milo in the olympicks , by practising on a calf grew strong enough for a bull , and could with ease give a lift to an asse . the great turk was sending his ambassador , to congratulate the assemblies proceedings against the christians ; he ordered them thanks for licencing his alcoran to be printed in english ; but hearing ottoman cromwel had talked of marching to the walls of constantinople , that embassy was stopt . the only difference 'twixt the assembler and a turk , is , that one plants religion by the ●ower of the sword , and the other by the power of the cymeter . nay , the greatest strise in their whole conventicle , is who shall do worst ; for they all intend to make the church : but a sepulchre , having not only plunder'd but anatomiz'd all the true clergy ; whose torment is hight'ned in being destroyed by such dull instruments ; as the prophet isaiah was sawn to pieces with a wooden saw. the assembler wondèrs that the king and his friends live still in hope ; he thinks them all in st. clemens's case , drown'd with an anchor tyed about his neck . he has now got power to visit the universities ; where these blinking visitors look on eminent scholars ( as the blind-man who saw men like trees ) as timber growing within the root-and-branch ordinance . the assembler has now lest scholars so poor , they have scarce rags wherewith to make paper . a man would think the two houses intend to transport the universities , since they load asses with colledge-revenues . for though these assemblers made themselves heads , they are rather hands of colledges , for they all are takers ; and take all . and yet they are such creeping tyrants , that scholars are expell'd the two universities , as the old thracians , forc'd from their countrey by rats and mice . so that learning now is so much advanced , as arrowsmith's glass-eye sees more then his natural . they never admit a good scholar to a benefice , for the assemblies balance is the lake of sodom , where iron swims and feathers sink . their divinity-disputations are with women or lay-men ; and 't is only on one question ( episcopacy ) where the assembler talks all that he and his friends can say , ( though his best medium to prove presbyters more antient than bishops , is , that scribes , pharisees , priests and elders where before the apostols ; ) yet if a scholar or good argument come , he flies them as much as if they were his text. this made him curse dr. steward , dr. lancy and dr. hammond , and had he not had more brass in his face than in his kitchin , he had hang'd himself at uxbridge , and ended with that treaty . for he has naught of logick , but her clutch'd fist , and rail's at philosophy as beggars do at gentlemen . he has very bad luck when he deals in philologie , as one of them ( and that no mean man ) who in his preface to the reader , sayes , that st. paul had read eustathius upon homer , though the apostle dyed a thousand years before eustathius was born . the assembers dyet is strangely different , for he dines wretchedly on dry bread at westminster ; four assemblers for pence : but this sharpens and whets him for supper , where he feeds gratis with his city-landlord , to whom he brings a huge stomach and news ; for which cramm'd capons cram him . he screws into families where is some rich daughter or heir ; but whoever takes him into their bosom , will dye like cleopatra . vvhen it rains he is coach'd ( a classis of them together ) rouling his eyes to mark who beholds him . his shortest things are his hair and his cloack . his hair is cut to the figure of ; two high cliffs run up his temples , whose cap of shorn hair shoots down his forehead , with creeks indented , where his ears ride at anchor . had this false prophet been carryed with habbakuk , the angel had caught fast hold of his ears , and led him as he leads his auditory . his eyes are part of his tithe at easter , which he boyles at each sermon . he has two mouths , his nose is one , for he speaks through both . his hands are not in his gloves but his gloves in his hands , for 'twixt sweatings that is , sermons , he handles little else , except his dear mammon . his gown ( i mean his cloak ) reaches but his pockets : when he rides in that mantle , with a hood on his shoulders and a hat above both , is he not then his own man of sin with the triple crown ? you would swear some honest carpenter dress'd him , and made him the tunnel of a country chimney . his doublet and hose are of dark blew , a grain deeper than pure coventry : but of late he 's in black , since the loyal clergy were persecuted into colors . his two longest things are his nayls and his prayer . but the cleanest thing about him is his pulpit-cushion , for he still beats the dust out of it . to do him right , commonly he wears a pair of good lungs , whereby he turns the church into a belfry , for his clapper makes such a din , you cannot hear the cymball for the tinkling . if his pulpit be large he walks his round , and speaks as from a garrison , ( his own neck is palizado'd with a ruff ) vvhen he first enters his prayer before sermon , he winks and gasps , and gasps and winks , as if he prepared to preach in another world , he seems in a slumber , then in a dream ; then rumbles a while ; at last sounds forth , and then throws so much dirt and non-sence towards heaven , as he durst not offer to a member of parliament . now because scripture bids him not curse the king in his thought , he does it in his pulpit by word of mouth ; though heaven strike him dumb in the very act , as it did hill at cambridge , who while he pray'd ; depose him , o lord , who would depose us , was made the dumb devil . this ( one would think ) should gargle his foul mouth . for his only hope why god should hear him against the king , is the devil himself ( that great assembler ) was heard against job . his whole prayer is such an irrational bleating , that ( without a metaphor ) 't is the calves of his lipps : and commonly 't is larded with fine new words , as savingable , muchly , christ-jesusnes , &c. and yet he has the face to preach against prayer in an unknown tongue . sometimes he is founder'd , and then there is such hideous coughing : but that is very seldom , for he can glibly run over non-sence , as an empty cart trundles down a hill. vvhen the king girt round the earl of essex at lestyth●ell , an assembler complained that god had drawn his people into the wilderness , and told him , he was bound in honour to feed them ; for , lord , said he , since thou givest them no meat , we pray thee , o lord , to give them no stomachs . he tore the liturgie , because , forsooth , it shackled his spirit , ( he would be a devil without a circle ; ) and now if he see the book of common-prayer , the fire sees it next , as sure as the bishops were burned who compiled it . yet he has mercy on hopkins and sternhold , because their me●●ers are sung without authority ( no statute , canon , or injunction at all , ) only like himself , first crept into private houses , and then into churches . mr. rous moved those me●ters might be sequestred , and his own new rithmes to enjoy the sequestration ; but was refused because john hopkins was as ancient as john calvin ; besides , when rous stood forth for his trial , robin wisdom was found the better poet. 't is true , they have a directory , but 't is good for nothing but adoniram , who sold the original for l. and the book must serve both england and scotland as the directory needle point's north and south . the assembler's only ingenuity is , that he prays for an ex tempore spirit , since his conscience tells him he has no learning . his prayer thus ended , he then looks round , to observe the sex of his congregation , and accordingly turns the apostle's men , fathers , and brethren , into dear brethren and sisters . for , his usual auditory is most-part female ; and as many sisters flock to him , as at paris on saint margarets day , when all come to church that are , or hope to be with child that year . he divides his text as he did the kingdom , makes one part fight against ▪ another : or as burges divides the dean of paul's house , not into parts , but tenements , that is , so as 't will yield most money . and properly they are tenements ; for each part must be dwelt upon , though himself comes near it but once a quarter ; and so his text is rather let out than divided . yet sometimes ( to shew his skill in keckerman , ) he butchers a text , cuts it ( just as the levite did his concubine ) into many dead parts , breaking the sence and words all to pieces , and then they are not divided , but shattered like the splinters of don quixot's lance. if his text be to the occasion , his first dish is apples of gold , in pictures of silver ; yet tells not the people what pictures those were . hissermon and prayer grin at each other , the one is presbyterian , the other independent , for he preaches up the classes , yet prays for the army . let his doctrine and reason be what they will , his use is still to save his benefice and augment his lecture . he talks much of truth , but abhorrs peace , lest it strip him as naked as truth ; and therefore hates a personal treaty , unless with a sister . he has a rare simpering way of expressions he calls a marryed couple saints that enjoy the mistery ; & a man drunk , is a brother full of the creature . yet at wedding sermons he is very familiar , & ( like that picture in the church at leyden ) shews adam & eve without figleaves . atfunerals he gives infalliblesigns that the party is gone to heaven ; but his chief mark of a child of god , is to be good to god's ministers . and hence it is he calls his preachment manna , fitted not to his hearers necessity , but their palat ; for 't is to feed himself , not them . if he chance to tire , he refreshes himself with the peoples hum , as a collar of bells to chear up a pack-horse . 't is no wonder he 'll preach , but that any will hear him , ( and his constant auditors do but shew the length of their ears ; ) for he is such an 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , that to hear him makes good scholars sick , but to read him is death . yet though you heard him three hours he 'll ask a fourth , as the beggar at delph craves your charity because he eats four pound of bread at a meal . 't was from his larum the watch-makers learn'd their infinite skrew . his glass and text are equaly handled , that is , once an hour : nay sometimes be sally's and never returns , and then we should leave him to the company of lorimers , for he must be held with bit and bridle . who ever once has been at his church can never doubt the history of balaam . if he have got any new tale or expression , 't is easier to make stones speak than him to hold his peace . he hates a church where there is an eccho , for it robs him of his dear repetition , and confounds the auditory as well as he . but of all mortals i admire the short-hand-men , who have the patience to write from his mouth : had they the art to shorten it into sense , they might write his whole sermon on the back of their nail . for his invention consists in finding a way to speak nothing upon any thing ; and were he in the grand seignior's power , he would lodge him with his mutes ; for nothing and nothing to purpose are all one . i wonder in conscience he can preach against sleeping at his opium-sermons . he preaches indeed both in season and out of season ; for he rayl's at popery ; when the land is almost lost in presbytery ; and would cry out fire , fire , in noah's flood . yet all this he so acts with his hands , that in this sence too his preaching is an handicraft . nor can we complain that plays are put down while he can preach ; save only his sermons have worse sence and less truth . but he blew down the stage and preach'd up the scaffold . and very wisely , lest men should track him , and find where he pilfers all his best simile's , ( the only thing wherein he is commendable , st paul himself having cull'd sentences from menander's thais , though 't was his worst , that is , unchast comedy . ) sometimes the assembler will venture at the original , and then ( with the translator of don quixot ) he mistakes sobs and sighs for eggs and collops . but commonly ( for want of greek and latin ) he learns hebrew , and streight is illuminated ; that is , mad : his brain is broke by a brickbat cast from the tower of babel . and yet this empty windy teacher has lectur'd a war quite round the kingdom : he has found a circulation of blood for destruction ( as famous harvey for preservation ) of mankind . 't was easie to foresee a great mortality , when ravens were heard in all corporations . for , as multitude of froggs presage a pestilence , so croaking lecturers foretold an assembly . men come to church , as the great alexander went to sacrifice , led by crows . you have seen a small elder-tree grow in chinks and clefts of church-walls , it seems rather a weed than a tree ; which , lend it growth , makes a rent in the wall , and throws down the church . is not this the assembler ? grown from schisms ( which himself begot , ) and if permitted , will make the church but a floor or church-yard . yet , for all this , he will be call'd christ's minister and saint , as the rebells against king john were the army of god. sure when they meet they cannot but smile ; for the dullest amongst them needs must know that they all cheat the people ; such gross , low impostors , that we die the death of the emperor claudius , poyson'd by mushromes . the old heretickshad skill & learning ( some excuse for a seduced church ; those were scholars , but these assemblers ; whose very brains ( as manichaeus's skin ) are stuff'd with chaff . for they study little , & preach much , ever sick of a diabetes : nor do they read , but weed authors , picking up cheap & refuse notes , that with caligula they gather cockle-shells , & with domitian retire into theirstudie to catch flies . at fasts & thanksgivings the assembler is the state 's trumpet ; for then he doth not preach , but is blown ; proclaims news very loud , the trumpet and his forehead being both of one metall . ( and yet , good man , he still prays for boldness . ) he hackneys out his voice like a cryer ; and is a kind of spiritual agitant , receives orders , and spreads them . in earnest the states can't want this tool , for without him the saints would scarce assemble . and if the zealots chance to fly out , they are charm'd home by this sounding brass . there is not on earth a baser sycophant ; for he ever is chewing some vote or ordinance ; and tells the people how savoury it is ; like him who lick'd up the emperor's spittle and swore 't was sweet . would the two houses give him cathedral lands , he would prove lords and commons to be sure divino : but should they offer him the self-denying - ordinance , he would justisie the devil and curse them to their faces , ( his brother kirk-man did it in scotland . ) 't is pleasant to observe how finely they play into each others hands ; marshall procures thanks to be given to sedgwick ( for his great pains ) sedgwick obtains as much for marshall , and so they all pimp for one another . but yet ( to their great comfort be it spoken ) their whole seven years sermons at westminster are now to be sold in fetter-lane and precorner . before a battail the assembler ever speaks to the souldiers ; and the holding up of his hands must be as necessary as moses's against the ama●ekites : for he pricks them on , tells them that god loves none but the valiant : but when bullets flye , himself runs first , and then crys all the sons of adam are cowards ! were there any metempsychosis his soul would want a lodging ; no single beast could fit him , being wise as a sheep and innocent as a wolf. his sole comfort is , he cannot out-sin hugh peters : sure , as satan hath possessed the assembler , so hugh peters hath possessed satan , and is the devil's devil . he alone would fill a whole herd of gadarens . he hath suck'd blood ever since he lay in the butcher's sheets : and now ( like his sultan ) has a shambles in his countenance ; so crimson and torrid , you may there read how st. laurence dyed , and think the three children were delivered from his face . this is st. hugh , who will levell the assembler , or the devil 's an asse . yoke these brethren ; and they two couple like a sadducee and a pharisae , on a turk and a persian , both mahumetans . but the assembler's deepest , highest abomination , is his solemn league and covenant ; whereby he strives to damn or begger the whole kingdom ; out-doing the devil , who onely persuades , but the assembler forces to perjury or starving and this ) whoever lives to observe it ) will one day sink both him and his faction : for he and his oath are so much one , that were he halfhang'd and let down again , his first word would be covenant ! covenant ! but i forget , a character should be brief ( though tedious length be his best character . ) therefore i 'll give ye ' ( what he denyes the sequesterd clergy ) but a fifth part. for weigh him single , and he has the pride of three tyrants , the forehead of six gaolers and the fraud of twelve brokers . or take him in the bunch , and their whole assemblyis a club of hypocrites , where six dozen of schismatik spends two hours for four shillings apiece . finis a proposal humbly offered for the farming of liberty of conscience . written in the year . by the author of hudibress . since nothing can be dearer unto poor christians than liberty , or the free exercise of their judgments and conscience , which hath kindled that fire in the bowels of the three kingdoms , which all the precious blood that hath been shed , during those late troubles , hath not been able totally to extinguish : and since many of us , whose names are affixed , were so profitably instrumental in those late combustions , as appears all along in our sermons before the honourable house of parliament , in the years , , , , . in exciting the good people of this nation , to seek and maintain their christian liberty , against all prelatical and antichristian imposition whatsoever . and considering that the little finger of apostasie from our first love , would be a greater burden upon our tender consciences , than the loyns of episcopacy . we being more bound in honour than conscience , cannot totally desist ; neither need any man fear , or so much as suspect , lest any inconvenience or alteration should happen in religion , by the great diversity of opinions , tongues , and languages , tolerated amongst us , unless in the great babel of episcopacy , that may possibly be pulled down and destroyed by this our notable confusion ; for , if the gospel was wonderfully spread abroad by every mans speaking in his own language , and the very enemies thereof astonished , and miraculously wrought into a belief of it : how it is likely to be now obstructed in the free exercise of our spiritual gifts , with these our cloven and divided tongues . and since many worthy persons from whom we might little expect it , but far less deserve it , out of their goodness and clemency , are pleased to encline to some liberty , did not some persons , aliens and strangers to the common-wealth of israel , take up a reproach against us , as persons reprobated into an unpossibility of submission to principles of concord , peace , and order , in church or state , never being able hitherto to come to any consistency amongst our selves ; the ark of god having , for twenty years together , been exposed to by-ways , streets , and worse places , for want of an agreement amongst our own brethren where to rest it , or how to entertain it . if this be our case , and could we be sure of so much favour as saul once desired of samuel , that the bishops would but honour us before the people , we would in a private christian way , lay our hands upon our hearts , and acknowledge the hand of god , and the justice thereof , in turning us out of his vineyard , as wicked and unprofitable servants , and to suffer the iniquity of our heels to overtake us ; crying out with reverend mr. calamy , the ark of god is justly departed from us ; but being not yet thus assured , do hope the people will yet believe these to be only bears skins lap'd about us by episcopal hands : and therefore to the end that a consistency , and oneness of judgment of the whole separating brethren , and their moderation , may be known unto all men , and that the world may know , that there is a spirit of rule and government resting in us ; it is humbly proposed to the sole power of granting licences and indulgences for liberty of conscience , within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , and town of barwick , may be vested in the persons under named for the term of seven years , under the farm rent of an hundred thousand pounds per annum , to commence from the twenty fifth day of march next , under such rates and qualifications as are hereafter specified . the names of the grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience ; proposed on monday , march . . being the day of a private fast , kept by mr. calamy , mr. baxter , and others , at mr. beal's house , near my lord of ely's chappel in holborn . mr. edmund calamy . mr. titham late of colchester . mr. philip nye . mr. feak . mr. stanley of dorchester . george fox , executor of the last will and testament of james nailor deceased . doctor lazarus seaman , mr. dell , late of cambridge . doctor owen . mr. bryan , late of coventry . mr. matthew mead. mr. john coppin . dr. manton . mr. kiffen . the executor of mr. venner , lately executed . mr. thomas case . mr. reynor , late of lincoln . mr. ralph venning . mr. rogers . mr. benn , late of dorchester . mr. george griffith , late of charterhouse . the executor of hugh peters , lately executed . mr. george newton , late of taunton . mr. dan. dyke , late of hertfordshire . mr. william jenkins . mr. fisher , late of kent . doctor thomas goodwin . mr. hammond , late of new-castle . mr. peter sterry . mr. bridges , late of yarmouth . mr. joseph carryll . mr. tombes , late of lemster . mr. leegh , late of lumbard-street . mr. mayo , late of kingston . mr. joshua sprigg . mr. henry jessey . mr. newcomen of dedham in essex . doctor tuckney of cambridge . doctor cornelius burges . mr. zachary crofton . doctor holmes . mr. john cann . mr. thomas brooks . that the persons aforesaid may be constituted grand commissioners , and farmers of liberty of conscience , within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , and town of berwick , and may be impowred to set up one publick office within the city of london , and to nominate and elect a convenient number of registers , clerks , and other officers : and for the more certainty of all certificates to be granted as is hereafter appointed , the said grand commissioners and farmers may forme a common seal to be known , and called by the common name of the publick seal of the grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , engraven , an ass without ears , braying , with this motto encircled , stat pro ratione libertas : and the said grand commissioners and farmers , or any twenty four of them in the said office assembled , may , from time to time , compound and agree for liberty of conscience , with any person or persons , under such rates and qualifications , as are hereafter specified . that the said grand commissioners and farmers , or any twenty four of them , may constitute and appoint , under the publick seal of the office , sub commissioners , and other officers , for every county within the said kingdom , not exceeding the number of twelve for each county , whereof , seven to be a quorum , who may compound and agree for liberty of conscience , with any person or persons , select congregations , cities , towns corporate , parishes , hamlets , and villages , by the great , or otherwise , within their respective countries , not exceeding the rates hereafter mentioned . rates to be observed in all compositions for liberty of conscience . per annum . a presbyterian minister . a ruling elder . a deacon . a hearer , male or female in fellowship to all ordinances . a common hearer only an independant pastor a teaching elder a helper in government a deacon a hearer male or female in fellowship to all ordinances . a common hearer only a baptist admitted to the administration of all ordinances a preaching assistant an elder in office a deacon a hearer in fellowship male or female to all ordinances a common hearer only a fifth monarcher admitted to hold forth an elder under the same administration a deacon under the same administration a hearer male or female in fellowship according to the value of his or her estate s. per l. per annum . a common hearer male or female according to the value of his or her estate , d. per l. per annum . a speaking male quaker a speaking female quaker a common quaker male or female — a confessor — — — — a seminary of mass-priest at large — — a private mass-priest — — — a roman catholick in any other order — a roman catholick not in order male or female an officer under any administration not mentioned in the rates aforesaid , being a native of england , such only excepted as stand conformable to the church of england . — — — a common person under any administration not mentioned in the rates aforesaid , being a native of england , such only excepted as stand conformable to the church of england . — — an officer under any administration whatsoever , not a native of england , except conformable to the church of england . a private person under any administration whatsoever , not a native of england , except conformable to the church of england — — rates to be observed in compounding for liberty of conscience in the particulars following , viz. for liberty to assert the pope's supremacy for liberty to write , speak , or preach against the government , as they shall be inwardly moved for liberty to keep on their hats before magistrates , or in courts of judicature — — for liberty to rail publickly against the bishops and common-prayer — — — for liberty to refuse all manner of oaths , of allegiance and supremacy , or in cases civil or criminal — — — — — for liberty to deny tithes and other church duties — — — — for liberty to expound the revelations , and the book of daniel — — — for liberty to disturb any congregation after sermon — — — — for liberty to assert the solemn league and covenant . — — — — for liberty to instruct youth in the short catechism , set forth by the assembly of divines . that any person or persons gifted for any the particulars abovesaid , may have liberty therein , either as an itinerate , in private or publick , at the rates abovesaid . that no person or persons be admitted to compound for liberty of conscience , untill he , or they , have first taken , and subscribed to the solemn protestation following , before the said grand commissioners and farmers , or their sub commissioners respectively . i a. b. do here solemnly protest , that i judge my self still bound by the solemn league and covenant , by the engagement , by private church-covenant , or by any other oath which i have taken ever since the year . and that so far as with safety to my person and estate i may , i will endeavour the utter ertirpation of episcopacy , and to the utmost of my power , will abett and promote all schism , faction , and discord , both in church and state , according to the best form and manner , prescribed and laid open in the sermons of many of the grand commissioners and farmers , before the parliament , appointed to be printed , and now called the homilies of the separated churches . and that i will never by what conviction of authority soever , whether legal or episcopal , ever consent to the establish'd doctrine and discipline of the church of england . and i do likewise believe , that liberty of conscience was a mysterious , yet profitable talent committed to the churches , and that it may be lawfully farmed out for advantage and improvement . that no person within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , or town of barwick , may , from , and after the twenty fifth day of march next , use or exercise any manner of liberty of conscience , except persons standing conformable to the church of england ; untill such person or persons , shall first take the solemn protestation , and shall compound with the said grand commissioners and farmers , for liberty of conscience , nor shall he be admitted or permitted to be a speaker or hearer , in any meeting or assemblies whatsoever . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to constitute , under the publick seal of the said office , a convenient number of spiritual gagers , who may have and exercise all such powers , priviledges , and authorities , as the gagers for excise of beer and ale , have , or ought to have and enjoy , and may , at any time , in case of suspition enter into any house or place , publick or private , to gage , and try the spirits and affections of any person or fersons ; and by praying , preaching , or other good exhortation , dissuade from episcopacy , and the common prayer , the better to fit and prepare them to compound for liberty of conscience . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to fine any person or persons ( not exceeding the sum of twenty pounds for every offence , who shall , after composition for liberty of conscience , and subscribing the solemn protestation , be present in any church or chappel , within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , and town of barwick , in the time of any part of divine service , unless at the funeral of his father , or some other like occasion , he shall either respond , be uncovered , or carry himself reverently , in the time of divine service aforesaid . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , or any twenty four of them assembled at the office aforesaid , may have and exercise a jurisdiction of appeal in all matters relating to liberty of conscience , within the said kingdom of england , and shall have a conclusive power in all matters brought before them , by way of appeal as aforesaid . that for the better management of all such matters as shall be brought judicially before the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , by way of appeal , the said grand commissioners and farmers , shall have power to constitute and appoint mr. oliver st. johns , and such others as they judge fit for their said service , to be of standing-councel with the said grand commissioners and farmers : and the said mr. oliver st. johns , being so constituted and appointed under the publick seal of the said office , shall , and may be exempted and discharged from being in any publick office , or place of trust or profit , for the said term of seven years , any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that if any person or persons shall happen to be proceeded against in any of the ecclesiastical courts of the bishops of this kingdom , for contumacy , for non-conformity , for non-payment of tythes , and other church-duties , for publick rayling against the bishops , the common-prayer , or the government of the church of england , or shall speak opprobriously or scandalously against the doctrine or discipline thereof , as antichristian , or shall maintain any positions or doctrines contrary thereunto ; every such person producing a certificate from the said grand commissioners and farmers under the publick seal of the said office , that such person or persons are under composition for liberty of conscience , shall actually be discharged , and all farther proceedings stayed , any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that if any persons shall happen to be indicted , or criminally proceeded against in any of his majesties courts at westminster , or elsewhere within the kingdom of england , either for treasonable speeches , or practices , for publick railing at the government , or for scandalous words against either or both houses of parliament , or for transgressing any of the penal laws and statures of this kingdom , every such person or persons , producing a certificate from the said grand commissioners and farmers under the publick seal of the said office , that such person or persons are under composition for liberty of conscience ; and that such words or practises were not spoken or acted malitiosè , but were only the natural and proper effects and product of liberty of conscience , shall be discharged , and all further proceedings stayed ; any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that the said grand commissioners , and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power from time to time , to ordain pastors , elders , and deacons , or any other officers , under any administration whatsoever , by the laying on of the publick seal of the office : which said imposition of the said publick seal being received with a certificate , shall be as lawful an ordination , as if every such person had received imposition from the hands of the presbytery ; any late usage or custom to the contrary notwithstanding . that the said grand commissioners and farmers may have power from time to time , to set apart days of publick fastings , and humiliation , and thanksgiving ; on which days it may be lawful for any person or persons appointed , to officiate before the said grand commissioners and farmers , to stir up the people to a holy indignation against themselves , for having by their want of zeal , and brotherly kindness one towards another , lost many precious enjoyments ; and above all , the never-to-be-forgotten loss of the late power and dominion , which , with the expence of so much blood and rapine , was put into the hands of the saints . and to take up for a lamentation , and great thoughts of heart , the divisions of reuben , that having our sacks full , such an evil spirit should be found in the midst of us , as to fall out by the way ; might it have been with those that abode by the stuff , as with those that went out to the battel , it had not been with us as at this day . some starting aside , like a broken bow , in the year . others continue to bear the burden and heat of the day until , being harness'd , did then turn their backs in the day of battel : as was most sweetly handled at the fast kept yesterday , at mr. beale's , by mr. calamy , mr. baxter , and others . that the twentieth day of april next , commonly called easter monday , be kept as a day of solem fasting and humiliation , for a blessing upon these gospel — undertakings ; and that mr. edmond calamy , mr. peter sterry , doctor lazarus seamon , and mr. feake , be desired to carry on the work of the day in prayer and preaching , before the said grand farmers ; and that the particulars following , be recommended to their consideration in the work of the day . . to bewail , . all our court sins . . our bishops sins . . our monks sins . . our common prayer sins . . to divert ▪ . westminster hall judgments . . our old-baily judgments . . our tower-hill judgments . . our charing-cross judgments . . our tyburn judgments . lastly , for deliverance from the hand of dun , that uncircumcifed philistine . that the said grand comissioners , and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to build churches and chappels in any place , or places , except upon such ground where churches or chappels do already stand , in regard of the inconvenience of setting up altar against altar : and forasmuch as the custom of reading some part of the holy bible before sermon , comonly called first and second lessons , hath been found fruitless , that therefore the said grand commissioners and farmers , may have power to appoint instead thereof , the annual reading of those sermons preached by many of the said grand commissioners and farmers , before the parliament , upon special occasions of thanksgiving and humiliation , from the year . to the year , which said sermons , may be called the homilies of the separating churches . that the said grand commissioners and farmers may have power to require mr. gilbert millington , and mr. luke robinson , the lame evangelist , to deliver up all such articles , orders , books , papers , and other writings , as were transacted before the late committee for plundered ministers ; and likewise , all such as were passed and transacted before mr. philip ney , and some others of the now grand commissioners and farmers , and heretofore called commissioners , or spiritual tryers , to the end the said articles , orders , books , and other papers , may be printed and published , and may be kept at the said office upon record for ever , and appointed to be the book of canons of the seperated churches . all this being done , we may upon scripture grounds expect , that the door of hope may yet be open to us , and our children after us , to see the travel of our souls , and to set us into the promised land , and to reap some of those clusters of the grapes of canaan , which with so much labor and toyl of body , and mind were planted , especially in the years of , , , , . by many of us , and other precious saints and ministers of the gospel , who are since fallen asleep , and have , we hope , reaped the fruits of those labors , the lord having in that day put a mighty spirit into us , and set us as watchmen upon the towers of israel , to cry mightily curse ye meroz , curse ye bitterly . grant that those heart-breaking labors of ours , those king-destroying labors , those kingdom-ruining labors , those gospel-scandalizing labors , those church-subverting labors , those soul-confounding labors of ours may never be forgotten , but may be written as with the point of a diamond , upon the heart of the king , upon the hearts of the bishops , upon the heart of the parliament , and upon the hearts of all the people from dan to beersheba , that so in god's good time , we may receive our reward seven-fold into our own bosoms , and that the generations to come , may hear and fear , and do no more so wickedly . so prays s. butler . the round-heads resolution . whereas we are , through our great ignorance and obstinacy grown to a most seditious and malignant head , and the horns of that head ( though of a main length ) not able to support our arrogant faction , as appears by our last being soundly slash'd and bastinado'd , by a mad crew called the cavaliers ; and whereas a great part of us have shut up our shops , because we could no longer keep them open , which kind of shutting up , proceedeth commonly from our vast expence in white-broths , custards , and other luxurious dishes , provided for the edification one of another . and whereas the multitude , called true protestants , endeavor to hold up bishops , to maintain good order , discipline , and orthodox preaching in the church ; learning and arts in the universities , and peace in the common-wealth ; all which is nothing but idolatry , superstition , profaneness , and plain popery : and further , whereas we ( who are nothing properly but round heads and fanaticks ) are in most scandalous manner termed holy brethren , the zealots of the land , and which in sincerity we never were , or ever will be . and sorasmuch likewise as the prophane world of true protestants , are a stiff-necked generation , and will not yield unto us the preheminence of doctrine and religion , not withstanding the many senceless two hours of those spiritual trumpets of our faction , the sanctified clergy-lecturers , or of our more divine lectures of our supreme shee-lecturers , whose bowels do even earne for the getting in of the saints unto us , and have , as it were even a zealous lusting after us. and forasmuch as the religion professed by us ; in the purest and most decent , as appears by the great love and community betwixt the brethren and the sisters , the conveniency of the woods , saw-pits , and dark places , the putting out lights , and defying those tapers of iniquity , which cause us to behold our own wicked deeds , the gooly bigness of the ear , with the shortness of the hair , which hindereth not the sound of the shepheards voice , but easily heareth him call to a great feast , amongst the rich saints , the length and sharpness of the nose , which not only smelleth the sweet savors of the holy plum-broth , but also promiseth an eager appetite to some good work towards the younger sisters , the roundness of the band , the length of the dublet , and the shortness of the breeches , being a habit correspondent to the pictures of the apostles in the geneva print , the mightiness of our faith , which is able to remove a church into a wood , the transparency of our charity , that is so invisible , that neither the right hand , nor the left ever knew it , the multitude of our good works , which no man living can number , the godly works of our tautological prayers , and the zeal thereof , which brings us even to divine consumption ; whereby we look like the prodigal son at his return home , or the priests in the arras , the defying of all fathers , bishops , and doctors , conformable persons , canonical robes , ecclesiastical gestures , and utensils , all learning , liberal arts and degrees , as the raggs of superstition , the dregs of popery are abominable in the goggle eyes of a right round-head ; and yet this simple innocent profession is scorned and baffled , and by whom ? but by scholars , and such as profess learning , which is no more necessary to religion , than a publick church ( which verily ) is but a den of thieves when we are absent . all which grievances do stand with much reason , and therefore are utterly against our tender consciences , and never were allowed by any synod of more-fields or westminster . that therefore which we do now resolve to maintain , and desire have confirmed , and never to alter'd ( till some new toy tickle us in the pericranium , which will be very shortly ) is , . that our religion , tenants , and mannors , before-mentioned , be established and maintained against all reason , learning , divinity , order , discipline , morality , piety , or humanity whatsoever . . that the very name of bishops , shall be a sufficient jury and judge , to condemn any of them , without any further evidence or circumstance . . that if any man whatsoever , having knowledge in the latine tongue ( being a popish language ) shall presume to think he can save a soul by preaching , he be excommunicated both in this world , and in the world to come ; unless it be some certain lecturers , of whose approved rayling and ignorance , we are well assured , and have known to stand six hours : on a fasting day . . that the felt-maker and the cobler , two innocent cuckolds may be instituted primares and metropolitans of the two arch-provinees , and the rest of the sect preserved , according to their imbecillities of spirit , to such bishopricks and other livings , as will competently serve to procure fat poultry , sor the filling of their insatiate stomachs , in which regard , church-livings had more need to be increased , than diminished . . that no man whatsoever , who bears the name of cavalier , may be capable of making any of the brethren a cuckold , unless he cut his hair , and alter his profession ; but be excluded from the conventicles , as the king's friend , and a reprobate . . lastiy , that there be two whole days set apart to fast and pray for the confusion of all that are not thus resolved . a caveat to the round-heads . i come to charge yee that slight the clergy , and pull the miter from the prelat's head , that you will be wary , least you miscarry in all these factious humors you have bred ; but as for brownists we 'll have none , but take them all , and hang them one by one . your wicked actions , joyn'd in factions , are all but aims to rob the king of his due . then give this reason for your treason , that you 'll be rul'd , if he 'll be rul'd by you ; then leave these factions , zealous brother , least you be hanged one against another . your wit abounded , gentle round-head , when you abus'd the bishops in a ditty , when as you sanged , you must be hanged , a timpinee of malice made you witty , and though your hot zeal made you bold , when you are hang'd , your arse will be a cold . then leave confounding , and expounding the doctrine that you preach in tubbs , you raise this warring , and private jarring , i doubt , in tinte , will prove the knave of clubbs . it 's for your lying , and not for your oaths , you shall be hang'd , and ketch shall have your cloaths . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e parallel'd in holy cheats . in publishing false news as legends . in mental reservations . in allowing perjuries . in an unintelligible worship . both hold justification by works , the one by good the other by ill works . free-will one holds belongs to all men , the other only to parliament men . they agree in interlining scriptures and creeds , in implicit faith , one believes purgatory hereafter , & the other , erects a purgatory here . the assembly of divines as infallible as a general council . one fasts frydays & eves , the other all sundays . both have their reliques both claime to succeed st. peter . the one for church musick the other for singing without musick both boast their miracles . each hath a several transubstantiation . both infalible in cathedra . both for deposing kings ; the one by fair means , the other by foul. their avarice their ambition lord privy seal . pennington their tirany . the counterfiet grivances of the kings reign compared with the royal ones of their usurpation . viz. . the plagiary exposed, or, an old answer to a newly revived calumny against the memory of king charles i being a reply to a book intitled king charles's case, formerly written by john cook of grays inn, barrister, and since copied out under the title of collonel ludlow's letter / written by mr. butler, the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the plagiary exposed, or, an old answer to a newly revived calumny against the memory of king charles i being a reply to a book intitled king charles's case, formerly written by john cook of grays inn, barrister, and since copied out under the title of collonel ludlow's letter / written by mr. butler, the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . 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ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng charles -- i, -- king of england, - . cook, john, d. . -- king charles his case. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the plagiary exposed : or an old answer to a newly revived calumny against the memory of king charles i. being a reply to a book intitled king charles's case , formerly written by iohn cook of grays inn , barrister ; and since copied out under the title of collonel ludlow's letter . written by mr. butler , the author of hudibras . london : printed for tho. bennet at the half-moon in s. pauls churchyard . m dc xci . preface to the reader . the publisher of this following discourse has thought fit to oblige the world with a piece of curiosity : it was penn'd above forty years since by the ingenious and celebrated author of hudibras . the libel , which he answers , was the labour of one john cook , barrister of grays inn , formerly a great pains-taker in the mysteries of rebellion . to give you the original of it , 't was a studied invective against the person of king charles i. before the high court of iustice ( so called ) of infamous memory ; but upon the non-pleading of the royal martyr , 't was afterwards metamorphos'd into a pamphlet , with the specious title of king charles ' s case ; or an appeal to all rational men concerning his tryal . how rational this appeal was , may be easily discover'd from those numerous fallacies and notori●us falshoods which our author has detected in him , not only as to what concerns plain matter of fact , but also in the pamphleteer's pretended way of reasoning , false logick , and worse law. i shall not enter into the merits of the cause ; for i suppose the more rational part of mankind is abundantly satisfied in the innocency of that great man as to any thing that was laid to his charge ; and upon that account indeed these would have been little occasion at this time of day to produce so great an advocate for his memory , but that there is risen amongst us a new race of the old republican stamp , who have reviv'd the quarrel , and copied out the obsolete and almost forgotten scandal of our libeller , and made it their own . the author of ludlow's letter may be reckon'd amongst the first of these , one that always sat up for a patron of faction , and a promoter of the good old cause , but shew'd himself most in that famous year when he was one of the tribunes of the people . i should not have made such a digression upon this worthy patriot . but that i find him to intrude amongst his friends mr. milton and our libeller , and seems to be the very copy of their malice at least , tho not their wit ; and for that reason i must confess he seems to be least pointed at by our answerer . i shall say no more of him at present , but pass him by with the same contempt as the government has wisely done ; 't is but unseasonable quarrelling with a man that is arm'd with so much dirt , you 'll be sure of that if you have nothing else . i need not trouble the reader with any harangue upon our author or his book ; i suppose he is no stranger to the honester and more learned part of the kingdom ; and as for the rest , 't was their best security they were not knwon by him . i shall only add , that it was mr. butler's design to print the discourse himself , had not death prevented him ; and since it has fell into the editor's hands , 't is but a piece of iustice to his memory to let the world make their advantage of it . mr. cooke , having lately seen a book of yours , which you are pleased to call king charles his case , or an appeal to all rational men concerning his tryal ; i was much invited to read it , by the ingenuity promised in your title . for having heard you stile your self solicitor general for the kings dread sovereign , and your own honourable client , the people ; i was much taken with your impartiality , that not only exempts all rational men from being your clients in this case , in making them by your appeal your judges : for no man you know can be judge in his own case , but acknowledge your high court from which your appeal to all rational men to consist of no such : but indeed i had not read many lines before i found mine own error , as well as yours , and your proceedings nothing agreeable to the plain dealing i expected from you ; for you presently fall to insult upon the unhappiness of your undeserved adversary , and that with so little moderation , as if you strove to make it a question whether his incomparable patience , or your own ungoverned passion should be the greater wonder of men , preposterously concluding him guilty , before with one syllable you had proved him so : a strange way of doing justice , which you endeavour to make good by a strange insolent railing , and more insolent proceeding to the secret counsel of almighty god , from whence you presume to give sentence on him : a boldness , no less impious than unjust in you were it true , since you can never know it to be so . but indeed it is hard to say whether you have shewn more malice or vanity in this notable declaration of yours ; for he that considers the affectation and fantastique lightness of your language , ( such as ireland , a land of ire ; bite-sheep for bishops , and other such ingenious elegancies of quibble ; ) must needs confess it an oratory more becoming a fool in a play , or peters before the rabble , than the patron of his sovereigns sovereign , or the gravity of that court , which you say right wisely , shall be admired at the day of judgment . and therefore you do ill to accuse him of reading iohnsons and shakespears plays , which should seem you have been more in your self to much worse purpose , else you had never hit so right upon the very dialect of their railing advocates , in which ( believe me ) you have really out acted all that they could fansie of passionate and ridiculous outrage . for certainly sir i am so charitable to believe it was your passion that imposed upon your understanding ; else as a gentleman you could have never descended to such peasantry of language , especially against such a person , to whom ( had he never been your prince ) no law enjoyns ( whatsoever his offences were ) the punishment of ribaldry . and for the laws of god they absolutely condemn it ; of which i wonder you that pretend so much to be of his counsel , should be either so ignorant or forgetful . calamity is the visitation of god , and ( as preachers tell us ) a favour he does to those he loves ; where-ever it falls it is the work of his hand , and should become our pity , not our insolence . this the antient heathen knew , who believing thunder came from the arm of god , reverence the very trees it lighted on . but your passion hath not only misled you against civility , and christian charity , but common sense also ; else you would never have driven your chariot of reason ( as you call it ) so far out of the road , that you forget whither you are going , and run over every thing that stands in your way ; i mean , your unusual way of argument , not only against reason , but your self , as you do it at the first sally ; for after your fit of saving as over , you bestow much pains to prove it one of the fundamentals of law. that the king is not above the law , but the law above the king ; and this you deraign , as you call it , so far that at length you say , the king hath not by law so much power as a justice of peace to commit any man to prison ; which you would never have done , if you had considered from whom the justice derives his power , or in whose name his warrants run , else you may as well say , a man may give that which he hath not , or prove the moon hath more light than the sun , because he cannot shine by night as the moon doth . but you needed not have strained so hard , for this will serve you to no purpose , but to prove that which was never denied by the king himself ; for if you had not a much worse memory than men of your condition should have , you could not so soon have forgotten , that immediately after the reading of that charge , the king demanded of your high court , by what law they could sit to judge him ; ( as offering to submit if they could produce any , ) but then silence or interruption were thought the best ways of confessing there was no such thing : and when he undertook to shew them both law and reason too , why they could not do it : the righteous president told him plainly he must have neither law nor reason , which was certainly ( as you have it very finely ) the most comprehensive , impartial , and glorious piece of justice that ever was played on the theater of england ; for what could any court do more than rather condemn it self than injure truth . but you had better have left this whole business of the law out of your appeal to all rational men who can make no use of it , but against your self : for if the law be above the king , much more is it above the subject . and if it be so heinous a crime in a king to endeavor to set himself above law , it is much more heinous for subjects to set themselves above king and law both . thus like right mountebanks , you are fain to wound and poison your selves to cheat others , who cannot but wonder at the confidence of your imposture , that are not ashamed to magnifie the power of the law while you violate it , and confess you set your selves really above the law to condemn the king for but intending it . and indeed intentions and designs are the most considerable part both of your accusations and proofs , some of which you are fain to fetch a great way off , as far as his coronation oath , which you next say he or the archbishops by his order emasculated , and left out very material words ( which the people shall choose ) which is most false ; for these words were not left out , but rendred with more sence ( which the commonalty have ) and if you consider what they relate to ( customs ) you will find you cannot without open injury interpret ( elegerit in the latin oath ) shall choose not hath chosen ; for if you will have consuetudines quas vulgas elegrit , to mean customs which are to be not only use , which must be often repeated before it become a custom , but choice which necessarily preceeds use . but suppose it were as you would have it , i cannot see with what reason you can presume it to be a design to subvert the laws , since you know he had sworn to defend them before in the first article of the oath , from which i wonder how you can suppose that so wise a prince ( as you acknowledge him to be ) could be so irrational to believe himself absolute by this omission . but you are not without further contradiction yet , for if he were so prefidious a violater of oaths as you would have the world believe , what reason had he to be so conscientious of taking them , certainly he hath little cause to be nice what oaths he takes , that hath no regard what oaths he breaks . nor can i possibly understand your other construction of his refusal to take the oath , as his predecessors had done , which you will have a design to refuse his assent to such good laws rather than bad ones , as the parliament should tender ; for besides the absurd conceipts that he must still like the bad better than the good , if you consider what you say afterwards the charitable sence will appear by your own words to be truest , for you confess he gave his assent to any bad one , else you had not been fain for want of such to accuse him of a few good ones as you do there ; which of these is most profitable let every rational christian judge . your next argument to prove the king's design to destroy the law is thus ordered . those knights that were by an old statute to attend at the king's coronation , being promised by his proclamation ( in regard of the infection then spread through the kingdom , a dispensation for their absence , were after found at the council table ; no doubt by the procurement of some of your own tribe , where they pleading the proclamation for their indemnity were answered : that the law of the land was above any proclamation : your conclusion is therefore , the king had a design to subvert the laws : sure there is no man in his wits but would conclude the contrary ; such arguments as these are much like the ropes that oaenus twisted only for asses to devour . but if this should fail you know you were provided for another not less substantial , and that is his alteration of the judges commissions , who heretofore had their places granted to them during their good behaviour , but he made them but during pleasure , of this you make a sad business of a very evil imaginary consequence ; but if you had considered before , what you say presently after , that the king and not the judges is to be accountable for the injustice and oppression of the government , &c. you would have found it very just that he should use his pleasure in their dismission as well as choice : for men of your profession that have lived long enough to be judges , are not such puisnes in cunning to play their feats of iniquity above-board : and if they may sit still they can be proved to have misbehaved themselves ; the prince that is to give account for all , may sooner know he is abused , than know how to help himself . all the inconveniency which you can fansie possible to ensue it , is only to such bad judges as buy their places ; of whose condition and loss you are very sensible , as if they had too hard a bargain of injustice , and believe they may have reason enough to give unjust judgment , rather than lose their places and their money too , if they shall receive such intimation from the king. but you forgot you self when you put this in your appeal to all rational men ; for they will tell you this was a bold affront done to your high court of justice ; for if it were potential tyranny ( as you will have it ) in the king to have but a design to indure the judges to give sentence against the law , which you say brings the people the very next step to slavery : what is it in those who presume to give sentence themselves not only contrary to law , but the declared opinion of all the judges , and those of their choosing too . and ( i beseech you ) whither by your own doctrine does this bring the people that submit to it ? certainly if you that can accuse the king of this had been a jew heretofore , you would not only have stoned your fellows , but your saviour too . but if all your arguments should miscarry , you have a reserve left that does ( as you say ) irrefragably prove the design , what 's that ! is he restless to destroy parliament or make them useless . believe me , this is right ignotum per ignotius , excellent consequence to prove his design by his desires ; you should have proved his desires first ( if you would prove his thoughts by his thoughts ) for certainly if ever he designed it , he desired it first . you had better have concluded plainly he did it because he designed it , for that is all one in sence : but if i might be but half so bold with your designs , i should with more reason guess you have one to make us believe your familiar acquaintance with the secret counsels of god ( which you so often pretended to ) else certainly he has given the desires of man so private a lodging , that without his own discovery ( which you can give us no account of ) you have no other way to know them . you do well , and if i may advise you , you shall give over this unlucky thing called reason , and betake your self wholly to revelations . how these arguments might prevail with your high court of justice i cannot tell ; but in my opinion , they had little reason to thank you for this last , for while you make the king a traytor , and prove his meer desire to destroy the parliament , or make it useless , a purpose to subvert the laws ; you do but tell them what they are that have already done it , and the people what a deal of law they are to expect hereafter . all you can justly in your own sence accuse the king of , is but discontinuance , or untimely dissolution of parliaments , which i wonder with what sense you can interpret a design to destroy the parliaments , since all the world knows when he parted with his power to dissolve the parliament too . but see how doubly unjust you are , you accuse him for not calling parliaments so often as he was bound to do by the law once a year ( as you say ) or oftner , but never consider how that is impossible to be done without dissolving them as often , for doing which notwithstanding with so much clamor you condemn him . thus you charge him with inconsistencies , and may with much more reason accuse him for calling parliaments , because if he had not called them , he could never have dissolved them , which is very like your way of argument . but much better than you commonly use for your next ( to remove an objection out of your way ) is thus managed ; the king and not the judges and evil counsellors ought to be accountable for the male ▪ administrations , injustices and oppressions of the parliament , your reasons are , because he made such wicked and corrupt judges : were they not his own creatures ; and ought not every man to be acountable for the work of his own hands ; believe me this were something if you could prove he made them wicked , as well as judges . but if this plea hold , you have argued well for your honourable clients , the people ; for if they made the king , as you say they did , you have cleared him of all such horrid crimes , murders and massacres , which you take so much pains to no purpose to accuse him of ; and like a right man of law have undone your clients , upon whose score you set them : your next business will be to prove god guilty of the sins of wicked men , for they are his creatures , and the work of his hands , i take it . but this is your perpetual method of doing him right , to make him sole author and owner of all his ill ordered or unhappy actions , and not allow him a share in any good deed or act of grace . and these are the fundamentals of the charge , only suppositions of intentions and designs , which how far you have proved just or profitable , any man but your self judge : the course you take afterwards is much worse in my opinion ; for you make your own grounds , and either not prove them at all , or ( which is worse ) prove them upon their own bottom , as when you take upon you to state the ground of your wars , and prove the king to be the cause of it , you do it thus : the king ( you say ) set up his standard of war for the advancement and upholding of his personal interest , power , and pretended prerogative , against the publick interest of common right , peace and safety , how do you prove this ? because he fought for the militia , for a power to call and dissolve parliaments , a negative voice , to make judges , confer honours , grant pardons , make corporations inhance or debase money , and avoid his own grants . these you call his personal interest , power and prerogative , which you say he fought for ; now put the position and proof together , and see what sence it will make : truly none but this ; that he made war for his prerogative , because he fought for his prerogative : is not this fine logick ; but suppose it were sence , how do you prove he fought for his prerogative ? to this you have not one word to say : and why then should we rather take your word than the kings , who protested he took arms in defence of the protestant religion , the liberty of the subject , privileges of parliament , and laws of england ? certainly there is no man in his wits but would rather believe his words , than your arguments , if he does but consider that the most improbable part of all , [ he protested to fight for the defence of the privileges of parliaments , ] is found by experience to be no paradox : how true the rest is , time will instruct you . but yet i cannot see why we should not rather believe them , than the pretences of the parliament , which were more to fight in defence of his person , and their own privileges , which how they have performed your self can tell ; but all this while you have mistaken your own question , which was not the right of cause ; but the cause , or ( as you have it ) the occasion of the war , and if you had a purpose to know that , actions had been the only guide of your inquiry ; for intentions and words are uncertain , and if they make no assaults in private quarrels , i know not why they should in publick ; and therefore since we can never agree about the truth of more remote causes , 't is most just for us to place the cause of the war where we find the first breach of the peace . now that the king was cleared of this , all indifferent men , who had the unhappiness to be acquainted with the method of their own undoing , can very well testifie . and if the parliament should deny it , their own votes would contradict them , as well as their actions ; for when they first raised horse and arms , they pretended to do so , because it appeared the king seduced by wicked counsel intended to make wa● against the parliament ; whereby they confess he had not then done it , and they had so little ground to make it appear he ever would , that they were fain to usurp the right of his cause to justifie their own ; and they say took arms for the defence of the king , which if we grant , it must follow they first made war against him ; for no body else ever did , against whom they could possibly defend him ; nor did their actions in offering the first violence less declare who began the war , when having an army ready to invade him , before he set up his standard , they both followed and set upon him , as they did at edge hill. go as far as you can , you will still find the scots ( whose quarrel the parliament took up at the second hand as well as they followed their examples ) were the first beginners of all . this being granted , how the king could afterwards do less than he did , i cannot understand : first he was bound by the law of nature ( which you say is legislative , and hath a suspensive power over all humane laws ) to defend himself . secondly , by his coronation oath , which he took to keep the peace ; and how could he do that , but by his raising power to suppress those who had already broken it ? thirdly , by the laws of the land , which you say trusted him with the power of the sword , and how could he preserve that trust , if he had sate still and suffered others not only to take it from him , but to use it against him . but it is most probable that he never intended it , else he was very unwise to let them be before-hand with him , in seising upon his castles , magazines and ships ; for which there can be no reason imagin'd , but that he was loth to give them any occasion ( in securing them ) to suspect he did but intend a war. and by all this i doubt not but it appears plain enough to all rational men , that he was so far from being the cause of the war , that he rather fell into it by avoiding it ; and that he avoided it so long , till he was fain to take arms at so great a disadvantage , as he had almost as good have sate still , and suffered . and in this you have used the king with the same justice the christians received from nero ; who having set rome on fire himself , a sacrifice to his own wicked genius , laid the odium of it on the christians , and put them to death for it . but this way you found too fair and open for your purpose , and therefore declined it , for having proved his intentions by his desires , and his actions by his intentions , you attempt a more preposterous way yet , to prove both ; by what might have been his intentions : and to this purpose you have the confidence ( in spight of sense ) to make contingencies the final cause of things ; and impollitick accidental , possible inconveniences ( which all the wit of man can never avoid ) the intended reasons of state. as when you will have the king fight for the militia , only to command the purse of the people , for a power to make judges , only to wrest the laws , to grant pardons , that publick spirited men ( as you call them ) may be made away , and the murderers pardoned , &c. all which being creatures of your own fansie , and malice , and no part of his quarrel , ) you are so far from proving he fought for that when you have strained your abillity , all you can say is , but this in your own sense , that he fought for a power to do that which he never would do when it was in his power : but if you take this liberty , i cannot but think how you would bestir you self if you could but get your god , as you have done your king , before such an impartial high court of justice as this ; how would you charge him with his mis-government in nature , for which by the very same logick you may prove he made us all slaves , in causing the weaker to hold his life at the pleasure of the stronger ; that he set up a sun to dazle our eyes , that we might not see , and to kindle feavers in our veins ; made fire to burn us , water to drown us , and air to poison us , and then demand justice against him , all which you may easily do , now you have the trick on 't , for the very same reason will serve again , and with much more probability , for 't is easier to prove that men have been burnt and drowned , and died of the plague , than to make it appear the king ever used your finer device to remove publick spirited men , or can you without extream injustice suppose he ever would ? for 't is so much as very well known he highly favoured and advanced his greatest opposers , ( for such you mean i know ) whom he found owners of any eminent desert , as he did the earl of strafford , and the attorny general noy , ( and for other honest men as you will have them ) whom frenzy or sedition set against him , by your own confession he did not suffer those black stars ( very strange ones ) to slit their noses , and crop their ears . but now i think of these honest publick spirited men , certainly some of them have not so good an opinion of the honesty of your publick proceedings , but they would willingly venture not only their ears again ( if they had them ) but their heads too in defiance of your most comprehensive piece of justice , whose cause while you take upon you to plead against their consent as you have done your honourable clients the people , you deserve in reason to be thrown over the bar by your own party for you ; but confess your own injustice while you acknowledge the publick honesty of those that most oppose it . how solid or pertinent those arguments of yours have been , let any man that is sober judge : but you are resolved right or wrong they shall pass , to let us know how easily he that has the unhappiness to be judged by his enemies , is found guilty of any thing they please to lay to his charge ; and therefore satisfied with your own evidence , you proceed to sentence , and condemn the king with much formality , by the fundamental laws of this kingdom , by the general law of all nations , and the unanimous consent of all rational men in the world , for imploying the power of the sword to the destruction of the people , with which they intrusted him for their own protection . how you got the consent of rational men to this sentence , i cannot imagine : for 't is most certain ( by your own confession ) that he never imployed the sword , but against those who first fought to deprive him of it , and by that very act declared they did not trust him , and consequently absolved him both from the obligation that he had to protect them , and the possibility too ; for no man can defend another longer than he defends himself , so that if you will have your sentence to be just , you must confess it to be non-sence ; for you must not only prove that those who fought against him were the people that trusted him , not those who fought for him , but the lesser , or less considerable part of the people , the people ( as you have the confidence to call your honourable clients ) being not the twentieth part of the very rabble , which if you can do , you are much wiser than solomon : for it is easier to divide a child into two parts , than to make one of those two parts a whole child ; and if you have the trick on 't , you shall be next allowed to prove , that , take four out of six there remains six : nor is there more justice or reason in the sentence , than in the course you take to up-hold it ; for while you deny the old maxim of law , that the king can do no wrong , you maintain a new one much worse , that he may suffer any ; and having limited his power to act only according to law , expose him to suffer , not only without , but against law : truly it is hard measure ; but rather than fail of your purpose , you will make as bold with scriptures as you have done with reason , if it stand in your way : as you do when you interpret that place of the apostles , where no law is , there is no transgression , to mean where there is neither law of god nor nature , nor positive law : i wonder where that is , certainly you had better undertake to find out a plantation for archimedes his engins to move the earth , than but fansie where that can be , which you must do before you can make this scripture to be understood to your purpose , and i cannot but smile to think how hard a task that will be for such a strong fancy as yours that cannot conceive what your self affirm ; for when you deny it possible to suppose two supream powers in one nation , you forget that you had acknowledged much more before , for you confess the king to be supreme , when you say very elegantly he made head against the parliament , who acknowledged him to be the head thereof , and yet you say the parliament is the supreme authority of the nation : thus you affirm that really to be , which you think is impossible to imagine . but such lucky contradictons of your self as well as sence , are as familiar with you as railing , for besides the many before mentioned , and your common incongruities of speech , as far from construction , as the purpose ; there are others , which for your encouragement ought not to be omitted ; and when you would prove the king the most abominable tyrant that ever people suffered under , yet you say he was beloved of some , and feared abroad : his judges you compared to the saints sitting in judgment at the last day , and yet by your own doctrine , they are more like bears and wolves , in sitting by a commission of force , their high court is a royal palace of the principles of freedom , and yet till the people voluntarily submit to a government ( which they never did to the authority of that ) they were but slaves . the parliament ( you say ) petitioned the king as good subjects , and yet immediately after you make them his lords , and himself servant , so they give him the honour of his own royal assent , and yet they often petitioned him for it . his tryal you call most impartial , and yet cannot deny all his judges to be parties , and his profest enemies . but you hit prety right well when you say he caused more protestant blood to be shed , than ever was spilt either by rome , heathen or antichristian , for grant that partly to be true , and confess as much protestant blood as ever was spilt by the heathen romans , unless they could kill protestants eight hundred years before there were any in the world ; which eloquent piece of non-sence we must impute to your ignorance in chronology , or confusion of notions , which you please . nor are those riddles of contradiction only in your words , but in the whole course of your proceedings , for you never do the king any right , but where you do him the greatest wrong : and are there only rational , where you are most inhuman , as in your additional accusations , since his death , for there you undertake to prove some thing , and give your reasons ( such as they are ) to make it appear , which were fair play , if you do not take an advantage too unreasonable , to argue with the dead . but your other impeachments consist only of generals , prove nothing , or intentions which can neither be proved , or your own forc'd constructions of actions , or what might have been actions , but never were ; all which you only aggravate with impertinency , and foul language , but never undertake to prove ; and if we should grant all you would say , and suppose you said it in sence or order , it would serve you to no purpose , unless you have by proof or argument applied it to him , which you never went about to do . but if this were the worst , you might be born with , as a thing more becoming the contempt , than the anger of men ; but who can preserve any patience , that does but think upon that prodigy of your injustice , as well as inhumanity , to accuse the king after his death , for what you were ashamed to charge him with alive your self , for what you say concerning the death of king iames , you will become the storm of your own party , for they never used it further than they found it of advantage to some design they had in hand ; as when they would move the king to grant their propositions , they made it serve for an argument to him , if he would sign he should be still their gracious king , if not he killed his father : but when they found he would not be convinced with such logick , they laid it utterly aside , for ( without doubt ) they had not lost an advantage so useful as they might have made it in the charge , had they not known it would have cost them more impudence to maintain , than they should need to use in proceeding without it , but let us consider your students might with which you first say you are satisfied , and yet after have it as a riddle . first he was observed to hate the duke , but instantly upon the death of king iames , took him into his special grace and favour , of which you conceive this art must be the cause . believe me , your conjecture is contrary to all experience , and the common manner of princes , who use to love the treason , but hate the traitor ; and if he had been so politick a tyrant , as you would describe him , he would never believe his life safe , nor his kingdom his own , while any man lived , ( much less his enemy , whom such a king would never trust ) of whose gift and secresie he held them both ; nor is it likely that he who would not spare the life of his father to gain a kingdom , should spare the life of his enemy to secure it . as for his dissolving the parliament , i believe not only all wise men , but all that ever heard of this will acquit him , whether he did it to avoid the dukes impeachment you cannot prove , but if you could , you must consider that in such cases princes may as well protect their favourites from injury as justice , since no innocence can serve them if they lie as open to the question , as they do to the envy of men. but for the better satisfaction of those you appeal to , i shall add this : it is most certain that this humour of innovation began to stir in the first parliament of this king , and grew to an itch in the commons at the alteration of government , to which end they first resolved to pull down the chief instrument thereof , the duke of buckingham : but having then no scotch army , nor act of continuance to assure their sitting , all the wit of malice could never invent a more politick course than to impeach him , and put this article ( true or false ) into his charge , for thus they were not only sure of the affections of the people , who out of the common fate of favourites , generally hated the duke , and are always pleased with the ruin of their superiors , but secured from the king's interposition , whom they believed by this means bound up from protecting the duke ( though he knew his innocency ) lest the envy and fancy of all should fall upon himself ; but the king who understood their meaning , and knew this was but in order to their further attempts ( which always begin with such sacrifices ) suddenly dissolved the parliament , and by his wisdom and policy kept that calamity sixteen years after from the people , which the very same courses and fate of these unhappy times , have since brought upon them . but you have taken more pains to prove him guilty since his death of the rebellion in ireland , although with as little reason or ingenuity ; only you deal fairly in the beginning , and tell us what judgment and conscience we are to expect from you , when you say as a ground for all your proofs ; if you meet a man running down stairs with a bloody sword in his hand , and find a man stabbed in the chamber , though you did not see this man run into the body by that man which you met ; yet if you were of the jury you durst not but find him guilty of the murther , i hope not before you know whether the man killed were sent by the king to fetch the man you met , for then you may say it must be in his own defence : truly you are a subtil enquirer , but let us hear some of the clear proofs ; first ▪ he durst never deny it absolutely : besides the notorious falshood of that , it is most senceless to imagine that he who had wickedness enough to commit so horrid an act , should have the innocent modesty not to deny it , when he durst not own it . he sent thanks to muskerry and plunket by ormond , which you are confident his height of spirit would never have done , if he had not been as guilty as themselves ; and may not ormond that carried the thanks be by the same reason as well proved guilty as the king ? what 's next , if he had not been guilty he would have made a thousand declarations , and have sent to all princes in the world for assistance against such hell-hounds , and blood-hounds , &c. that was impossible to be done without sending to the pope , and then you would have proved it clearly indeed . but the copy of his commission to the irish rebels is in the hands of the parliament . 't is most certain they never believed it themselves , else it had not been omitted in the charge . but now for an argument to the purpose , after the irish were proclaimed traitors and rebels by the king , their general council made an oath to bear true and faithful allegiance to king charles ; and by all means to maintain his royal prerogative against the puritans in the parliament of england , which they would never have done unless he had commanded or consented to the rebellion : but observe then what will follow ; after the two houses at westminster were proclaimed rebels and traitors by the king : they made a solemn covenant to defend his royal person , rights and dignities against all opposers whatsoever , and therefore by the same reason he did command or consent to the war raised by the parliament against himself . but did they not say they had his commission , and call themselves the king and queens armies ? but then , you forgot who they were that said so , hell-hounds and blood-hounds feinds and firebrands , and bloody devils , not to be named without fire and brimstone , do you think such are not to be believed , ( especially when they speak for their own advantage ) , rather than the people of god , the faithful of the land at westminster , who likewise when they raised forces , said they did it for the king and parliament . can any man in his wits deny but the king is to be believed before either of these ? and yet you cannot be perswaded , but his offer to go in person to suppress the rebellion , was a design to return at the head of twenty or thirty thousand rebels to have destroyed this nation ; that 's very strange ; but first how shall we believe what you say before , ( to shew your breeding ? ) never was boar so unwillingly brought to the stake , as he was to declare against the rebels , if he offered to adventure his person to suppress them ; when you have made this agree in sense , let us know how you can suppose the same person , the wisest king in christendom , and yet so foolish to study his own destruction ; for who could suffer so much in the ruin of this nation as himself ? for his hindring the earl of leicester's going into ireland , he had much more reason to do so , than the parliament had to hinder him , and therefore you may as well conclude them guilty , as him , of the rebellion . that he sold or exchang'd for arms and ammunition the cloath and provisions sent by the parliament to the protestants in ireland , you must either accuse the parliament which seiz'd upon his arms first and used them against him , as prove them above the law of nature , ( which i believe you had rather do ) that commands every man to defend himself . but the rebels in ireland gave letters of mark for taking the parliaments ships , but freed the kings as their very good friends . i see you are not such a wizard at designs as you pretend to be ; for if this be the deepest reach of your subtilty , had you been a senator in rome when hannibal invaded italy and burn'd all the country of the roman dictator , you would have spared no longer to have proved him confederate with the enemy . but i fear i may seem as vain as your self in repeating your impertinencies : there is one argument that would have serv'd instead of all , to convince you of wickedness and folly in this business , and that is the silence of the charge , which by your own rule ought to be taken pro confesso ) there was never any such thing . i will not trouble my self nor any body with your french legend , as being too inconsiderable to deserve any serious notice , built only upon relations and hearsays , and proved with your own conjectures , which how far we are to credit from a man of so much byass , and mistakes , any of those you appeal to shall determine , to whom i shall say but this , that you do but acknowledge the injustice of the sentence , while you strove to make it good , with such additions ; for if you had not believed it very bad , you would never have taken so much pains to mend it . and i hope your high court will punish you for it , whose reputation your officious indiscretion hath much impaired to no purpose : for though we should grant all your additions to be true , as you would have it , it does not at all justifie the king's death , since he did not dye in relation to any thing there objected , and all you can possibly aim at by this pitiful argument , is but to prove him guilty because he was punished , for you can never prove him punished because he was guilty . for your epilogue , i have so much charity to believe it , being of a different thread of language , none of your own ; but either penned for you by your mussoe peeters , or else you writ short-hand very well to copy after the speech of his tongue . however you came by it , sure i am it could come from no body else : and having said so , i hope i shall need to say no more ; for i shall be loath to commit the sin of repeating any of it : but since 't is but a frippery of common places of pulpit railing , ill put together , that pretend only to passion , i am content you should use them your self , and be allowed to say any thing with as little regard as if you wore your priviledge : yet lest you should grow so conceited as to believe your self , i will take solomon's advice , and answer you not in your own way of railing or falshood , but in doing some right to truth and the memory of the dead , which you have equally injured . that he was a prince of incomparable vertues , his very enemies cannot deny , ( only they were not for their purpose ) and those so unblemish'd with any personal vice , that they were fain to abuse the security of his innocence both to accuse and ruin him . his moderation ( which he preserved equal in the extremity of both fortunes ) they made a common disguise for their contrary impalations , as they had occasion to miscall it , either an easiness to be inflicted by others , or obstinacy to rule by his own will : this temper of his was so admirable , that neither the highest of temptations , adoration and flattery , nor the lowest of misery , injuries , the insolency of fools , could move him . his constancy to his own vertues was no mean cause of his undoing ; for if he had not stated the principles of government upon unalterable right , but could have shifted his sails to catch the popular air when it grew high ( as his enemies did ) they had never undone him with empty pretendings to what he really meant . his wisdom and knowledge were of so noble a capacity , that nothing lay so much out of his reach as the profound wickedness of his enemies , which his own goodness would neither give him leave to suspect , nor his experience power to discover ; for they managed the whole course of his ruine , as they did the last act of it , in disguise , else so great a wit as his had never been circumvented by the treachery and cheat rather than policy of ignorant persons . all he wanted of a king was , he knew not how to dissemble , unless concealing his own perfections were so ; in which he only deceived his people , who never understood his great abilities , till their sins were punish'd with the loss of him . in his death he not only out-did the high resolutions of the antient romans , but the humble patience of the primitive martyrs ; so far from the manners of tyrants who use to wish all the world their funeral pile , that he employed the care of his last thoughts about the safety of his very enemies , and died not only consulting , but praying for the preservation of those whom he knew resolved to have none , but what was built upon their own destruction . all this , and much more , the justice of posterity ( when faction and concernment are removed ) will acknowledge to be more true of him than any of those slanders you ( or the mad wickedness of this age ) have thrown upon his memory , which shall then , like dung cast at the roots of trees , but make his name more flourishing and glorious ; when all those monuments of infamy you have raised shall become the trophies of his vertue , and your own shame . in the mean ti●● , as your own conscience , or the expectation of divine vengeance shall call upon you , you will see what you have done , and find there is no murther so horrid as that which is committed with the sword of justice , nor any injustice so notorious as that which takes advantage both of the first silence of the living and that of the dead in this last you have been very sinful , and in accusing the dead have not behaved your self so like a saint at the day of j●dgment , as the devil , whose office is to be s●llicitor general in such cases . i will not judge you lest i shou'd do worse , imitate you . but certainly you will find it the worst kind of witchcraft to raise the devil by sacrificing to your own malice , especially to so bad a purpose as you have done , that you might invade the judgment seat of christ , and usurp his jurisdiction before his coming ; which you have presumed to do with more rudeness than hackett used , and less formality in not sending your forerunner to proclaim ( in a turnip cart ) your coming to judgment . but the worst of all is , you seem to glory in your sins and assert the martyrdom of your wickedness , for having supposed a possibility you may fall by the hands of violence ; you arm your self with a forc'd resolution which you may be confident you will never have need of , for you have no reason to think any man can believe you have deserved a violent death ; no , you have deserved rather to live long : so long , till you see your self become the controversie of wild beasts , and be fain to prove our scarecrow . unless you shall think it just , as you have been condemned out of your own mouth , so you should fall by your own hand : indeed there was no hangman bad enough for iudas but himself ; and when you shall think fit to do your self so much right , you shall be your own soothsayer , and fall by the hand of a raviliack , to whom with more likeness compare your self than to henry the fourth , for you are no king. what raviliack was , is very well known ; what you are , i leave to your own conscience . finis . the acts and monuments of our late parliament, or, a collection of the acts, orders, votes, and resolves that hath passed in the house by j. canne intelligencer generall. butler, samuel, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (wing b ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the acts and monuments of our late parliament, or, a collection of the acts, orders, votes, and resolves that hath passed in the house by j. canne intelligencer generall. butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. [s.n.], london : . a satire. formerly wing b , number changed in cd-rom ( ) to a a. reproduction of original in harvard university libraries. item incorrectly listed in reel guide at : eng england and wales. -- parliament -- anecdotes a r (wing b ). civilwar no the acts and monuments of our late parliament: or, a collection of the acts, orders, votes, and resolves that hath passed in the house. by j [no entry] c the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the c category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the acts and monuments of our late parliament : or , a collection of the acts , orders , votes , and resolves that hath passed in the hovse . by i. canne intelligencer generall . london : printed according to order , . an advertisement to the reader . reader , thou art desired to take notice of the last order of parliament in this book mentioned , whereby i am enjoyned upon my oath to discover onely things tollerable and agreable to the practice formerly of the long parliament ; now the lands be sold , offices disposed of , and their own turnes satisfied , and they turned out ; i shall acquaint you further : for it is a maxime here , that if i sweare to be faithfull to another , if that other hath the worse of it ; i am not bound by this oath ; and this is the opinion of all reformed divines , and to my knowledge hath been put in practice for these years ; so that being now discharged of that oath , i shall hereafter discharge a good conscience ; and set forth an history of rare things . these are not an ace to them i have in my budget , farewell , i. canne : the acts and monvments of our late parliament . may th . . this day their small assembly was resolved into a grand committee , to debate what the house should be called in ordinary proceedings . lenthall . it shall be called the new-exchange . vane . it shall be called the house of prayer . hasilrig . it shall be called a gaole , for i see martin and other gaole-birds here . lowry . it shall be called naberden . skippon . it shall be called a den of theeves . atkins . it shall be called a house of office . scot . it shall be called the free state crosse . saloway . that is a superstitious name . let it be called the armies ware-house . martin . let it be called a church , for we are all saints . st. iohn . i am of opinion that by the ancient known lawes of england , this is the legallest parliament that ever was , and that the men that met here by oliver's and richard's writs made but illegall assemblies , therefore let it be called the parliament house . baron hill . baron nicholes . we are of the same opinion strongly . withrington . i shall declare no opinion as to the point , but shall consider thereof . prinne this day got in , and he would have it called bedlam , for here is frantick mr. st. iohn , hairbrained hasilrig , sensless lowry and atkins , possessed vane , distracted nichols , and a multitude more of madmen , besides fooles , therefore he thought it fit that the chaines and fetters might be removed from newgate hither , to be keepers of the liberties , thereupon the house ordered it to be referred to a committee , and adjorned till the afternoon , and that mr. prinne should come no more there , for he was too wise and too honest to be in that place . in the afternoon they met , and upon debate these things were resolved on . first resolved , that the family of the cromwell's were not born protector's . secondly resolved , that it 's more convenient we should have the government , we having already the crown lands , so they adjorned till the next morning . may th . this day it was referred to a committee to consider of the selfe denying ordinance , and they are to take notice that there are severall kings lands yet to be sould , therefore they are to report whether it be convenient that that ordinance be in force or no . may th . this day the committee , whereof st. iohn was chair-man , reported to the house , that by law that ordinance was of no force , for the intent of the makers of lawes must be observed , and it cannot be intended , that the makers thereof would so far prejudice their own interests as to have that ordinance to be in force when lands are to be sould , and places to be disposed of . may . ordered , that this day usually called ascension-day , be no more called so , but henceforth may th . be called by that name , in commemoration of our ascent to the old shop on that day . and this was the great work of that day . from may th . to may th . the house took into their consideration , the titles of honour and dignity conferred by squire oliver , and his son richard , and also other titles to be given , and thereupon it was enacted as followes . the contents of the act for names , titles , and dignities , &c. first enacted , that our fellow member alderman atkins , be no more called alderman tom. alderman shitbritch , sir tom , sir alderman , tom. thumb , but in all ordinary proceedings he be called and stiled tom fool , and in exigents , let him be named tom. turd . secondly , that harry nevill be no more called religious harry nevill , that the people may take notice he is one of the councell of state . thirdly , that the eldest son of oliver protector have the same addition of title and dignity , that the long parliament conferred upon the eldest son of the late king to all intents and purposes . fourthly , that all other titles of honour whatsoever be sequestred , and the profits arising thence to goe to the payment of the late protectors debts . provided that this act not any thing herein shall not be construed to take away or null those apt and reasonable titles that are given to the severall members and councell of state , and recorded in the excellent book of englands confusion . from may th . to iune . this day the regulation of the law was taken into consideration : and , resolved , that the ablest lawyers be prohibited to judge or practise , that the law may florish and justice be done . ordered , that old collonel walton grow yong again before three weeks , or the dissolution of this parliament , and by that time become as frollick as he was with the barbers wife , that his young wife may no longer be forced to get a snap abroad , at the great charge of the publick ; and that in the interim he sit close in the house , and that she hath allowed to her an universall tolleration during that time and no longer . yesterday the colt formerly drowned at huntington , and taken up at the great charge and paines of the mayor and recorder , was voted a sturgion , vemine contradicente , and it was ordered that serjeant bernard have the next sturgion , to his own use , any grant or prescription to others notwithstanding . resolved . that paules-steeple is the crosse that stood formerly in cheap-side , and therefore to be pulled down forthwith . reported from the committee of safety as followes . that the best way to settle this nation in peace is to sell the residue of the lands , &c. and dispose of them amongst the parliament-men that were not liberally provided for before . yet we conceive that sir arthur hasilrig remembred himselfe pretty well before that time , however if the parliament adjudge lb per annum , not sufficient for him , let him have more . this report was taken into consideration accordingly , being of great import . thereupon the house resolved into a grand committee to debate the proportioning of the said lands to the particular members according to their wants . lenthall . gentlemen can ye think that i , that i your speaker , your everlasting speaker , who am resolved to live and dye with you at lb per diem , can live to maintain my selfe and family at that great rate i now live at , and support the grandeur that should attend the speaker to so noble persons , with lb per annum , and not above lb in personall estate . skippon . i have enough of lb per annum , and desire no more to live as well as mr. speaker . hasilrig . you say well , but lb per annum is better , and upon my credit i want dan. collingwood's estate to make me up ● lb per annum , i pray consider it . scot . gent. my father in law plush-bacon is dead , and hath cheated me of lb , besides it will take lb per annum to make me honest . martin . if i have not enough to pay my debts in present , and to maintain as many whores as the e. of midlesex lord munson ( my fellow boarder in southwark ) or the late e. of warwick , i 'le leave the house and goe to prison again , what ? doe you think i 'le help to cheat the people for nothing . vane . come gent. if you will be a little religious , you may make shift with lb per annum as i doe . darly . my eldest son wishes me hanged that i served so long in this trade , and am like to leave him no better estate . pray think on it . st. iohn . i have built me a little house lately , and want some ground to lay to it . if you 'l grant me a forrest , i 'le remove my house thither , for the law is as clear as it was in e. of straffords . that i may remove it by habeas corpus . weavour . come gent. you are a little too buisy , take heed the army prevent not the designe , i am a good willer to the mathematickes my selfe , but le ts make them sure , for upon my credit lambert is no foole , thereupon the house adjourned till iune first . from iune the first to the th this day the house took into consideration that seasonable motion of mr. weavour , and have ordered as followes . ordered that the army officers be fooled out of their old commissions , by vertue of which they were our masters , and that they take new ones from us , by vertue of which we are their masters . ordered likewise that we juggle with some of the stoutest and sobrest colonels in the army to goe snipps with us under-hand , that they may curbe the rest and keep them in awe . ordered that hacker and okey be two of them , and that there be but . besides listed into this confederacy , least it be discovered , or least we give too much from our selves . ordered lastly , that this present parliament sit till may next , ( if lambert be not too cunning for them before that time ) and that in the interim , parliament men be valued at penny a peece , and that the former value of a penny set upon them in be made voide . iune the th . this day the house took into consideration the busines between harry nevill and stroud sheriffe in bark-shire , which is referred to a committee to report , if it be not all the reason in the world that one of the councell of state should have lb whether it belongs to him or no , and that stroud should pay it , for not returning him to that parliament , which nevill hath times sworne to be no parliament . ordered by the house that mr. st. iohn be assist●nt to that committee to informe how the same stands , and whether magna carta doth not warrant that , as well as the darke lanthorne . monday iune th . this day came an expresse from ireland that the noble and valiant deputy ; will ere long learn fleetwood more wit , and lambert more honesty , and that he will turn these juglers out of their box , as his father did . ordered thereupon that he forthwith repair to england , if he be such a fool , and that we catch him in our clutches if we can , least he obstruct our religious designes . iune th . this day the house considered of mr. harrington's proposalls concerning a free state . and thereupon , resolved . that he 's a fool to buisy his nodle about that which the house never thinks on , for when they have made all even , they 'le break up schoole . iune th . ordered that mr. harrington be forthwith dispatched to iamaica that famous island , and forme his common-wealth there , and that he hath all the golden mines for his paines . iune th . resolved . that all papists and jesuits be tollerated in england , and that anabaptists and quakers be inserted into the army , that by that time the parliament have gotten into their hands the residue of what is left , the army may make mutinies among themselves and discharge us , and set the people against them , and we goe scot free . iune th . the house this day upon consideration that the high and mighty prince vane is to marry with the illustrious infant of wimble●on-house , ordered that richard cromwell depart from thence forthwith , to make way for their highnesse , and that the banquetting house be prepared with a pair of bagpipes , and a north country jigg to entertain the nobles that shall attend the solemnization of those nuptials . iune th . to iune th . ordered that hacker and okey have a strict eye of lambert when he goes into whitehall , least he steps into the chaire . the house called mr. canne in , and ordered him to publish only what was agreable to their former proceedings , and if it fell out at any time that they should doe otherwise then the people expect , that he should conceale the same , whereto canne ( their news maker ) agreed and was sworne . finis . gentle-men , although this remedy differ from the matter , i have before treated off , and intend to proceed in , until i have made all publick : yet at the desire of a friend , i have brought this to publick view ; hopeing it will prove as a pill to stay your stomacks untill the rest follow . yours j. c. a cure for the state an excellent composition of sir henry vane's affection to the ministery , of sir arthur hesilrigg's honesty , of henry martin's chastity , of the lord fleetwood's valour , of an high court of justice mercy , of each two grains . two law-arguments of baron wilde's own making , two ounces of the shavings of the lord mayors beard , one scruple of alderman tichborn's conscience , seven drops of alderman atkin's elixary , one pound of the cities slavery , one dram of kiffen's divinity , with three full gallons of widowes and orphants tears , boyle all these together the full time of one of doctor owens sermons at the fast of the house , then closs stopt up with the paste of scotch charity , the speakers religion , and sir gilbert's constancy . two spoonfulls of this taken every morning fasting , will preserve you from the like apostacy , that the army and other saints have of late fallen into , and make you stick close to the parliament . approved by the colledge of physicians . made publick for the good of the common-wealth . by p. c. doctor of physick . a letter from mercvrivs civicvs to mercurius rusticus, or, londons confession but not repentance shewing that the beginning and the obstinate pursuance of this accursed horrid rebellion is principally to be ascribed to that rebellious city. butler, samuel, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (wing b ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a letter from mercvrivs civicvs to mercurius rusticus, or, londons confession but not repentance shewing that the beginning and the obstinate pursuance of this accursed horrid rebellion is principally to be ascribed to that rebellious city. butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. s.n.], [oxford : . attributed to samuel butler. cf. nuc pre- . reproduction of original in huntington library. eng great britain -- history -- civil war, - . a r (wing b ). civilwar no a letter from mercurius civicus to mercurius rusticus: or, londons confession but not repentance. shewing, that the beginning and the obstin mercurius civicus f the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the f category of texts with or more defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - john latta sampled and proofread - john latta text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a letter from mercvrivs civicvs to mercurius rusticus : or , londons confession but not repentance . shewing , that the beginning and the obstinate pursuance of this accursed horrid rebellion is principally to be ascribed to that rebellious city . — en quo discordia cives ? perduxit miseros . virg. egl. . printed , . a letter from mercvrivs civicvs to mercurius rusticus . good brother rusticus , though there have been some unkinde jars between my brother aulicus and me , yet my earnest desire is to keep a good understanding between your self and me : i cannot but congratulate your happinesse that breathe in so free an ayre , wherein it is lawfull to heare and speak truth : o truth , sacred truth , whither art thou fled ? if you at oxford did not give her entertainment , i know not where she would find a place of aboad , for here at london we fortifie against her to keep her out : nay with us in the city it is come to that passe , that it is almost as dangerous to speak truth as love the king : you know how famous we have been here for publishing and printing lyes , he that will not lye to advantage the great cause in hand , is not amongst us thought fit to have accesse either to the pulpit or the presse . and therefore when i was first set on work to communicate intelligence to the kingdom to indear my self to them that imployed me , i played my part reasonable well , i lyed my share ; but at last admonished by our brother aulicus , and to confesse to you , touched a little in conscience , i began by degrees to take off my self from that unwarrantable course , and did here and there sprinkle a little truth , yet very sparingly least i should be thought to be turned malignant or cavaleer : but as little as it was , it was distastfull : for hereupon mr pim and the remainder of the five members , assisted by mr martyn , illiterate serjeant wild , peard ( that hath lesse law if it be possible then the serjant ) & some others that have sworn never to indure truth again , since they have thriven so well by lies , moved at the close committee to have me silenced : yet to blind the world , as if their ayme were not at me alone , they involve others in the same doome , and for intelligencers , by an order they bung up all our mouths at once : yet knowing how much it cōcerned them that the old trade went on , though since they have permitted another to make use of my name , yet at first they gave authority to one man onely to lye for all the rest : him they call the parliament scout , not bulmore the scout that was slain at whetley bridge neer you at oxford , i meane not him , yet if you look into his weekly pamphlets , you would sweare that he had no more braines in his head , then bulmore had when they were shot out . this man indeed tels you some truths , but such antiquated ones that they were stale newes above a thousand yeares since , as that on the borders of scotland , there dwelt a people whom they called picts , that there was a wall built between england and scotland , and the like : while he keeps at this distance and comes no nearer , he never needs feare that the heeles of the times may chance dash out his teeth : he may write on ! but if once he come to publish any moderne truths , as that his excellency durst come no nearer oxford then thame , that fairfax is beaten in the north , and waller and warwick in the west , or the like , he were best looke to himselfe , he may read his fate in us : these new reformers will never brooke it . since therefore we are here inslaved either to lies or silence , that the world may not for ever be kept hoodwinkt , goe on ( i pray ) as you have begun to let her see the miseries under which she dayly suffers . but me thinks it would be a work well worthy your endeavour , to let the country see not only their miseries , but to point them out the fountain & source from whence they flow : this discovery hath beene within me as wine that hath no vent , redy to burst like new bottles , yet as ful as i am , i dare not vent my thoughts concerning this here , but have chose rather to whisper them to you : for it is in vaine to dissemble it , your sad stories of the ruine and devastation of the countrey are ecchoed in our streets , and though we beare it out in a vaunting way , as if these things concerned not us , yet i assure you there are many soules that mourne in private , ( for in publique we must be as mad as the rest , or else we suffer as malignants ) as knowing how justly we stand charged with all those calamities , which the sword of rebellion hath brought upon you : i never heare that of the prophet read , woe to the bloody city , it is full of lies and robbery , but i cannot choose but think of london . it is too too manifest , nor can it be denied , but that all your sufferings have been derived from us : when common-prayer was in use amongst us , i remember such a query in one of the prophets , is there any evill in the city and the lord hath not done it ? but you may aske , is there any evill in the countrey , and the city hath not done it ? you have made us rich and populous , and we in foule ingratitude have prodigally powerd out both our wealth and strength to make you and our selves miserable . well might the incendiaries of this present rebellion ( so i dare call it to you , though i dare not speak so plain here ) bring violent affections , eager endeavours to set this flourishing church , and kingdom in combustion , but alas ! all this had signified little or nothing , had they not gained our consent , and we resigned up our persons and estates to their disposall to be made the base instruments to compasse their most trayterous designes : could say or pim , and their beggerly confederates have found money to levie an army against their leige lord , that had not money to pay their own debts , had not we furnished them ? if we shall without partiality consider the severall helps which this city hath contributed to this rebellion , we must confesse that both the beginning and continuance of this unnaturall warre may be ascribed to us : so that in all england there is but one rebell , & that is london . to reflect a little & look back on those times when this rebellion was but an embrio , or else did begin to creepe into the world , ( for we may not think that this monster was a brat of a suddain birth ) though it were conceived ( some say ) ne●re banbury , & shaped in grays-inne-lane , where the undertakers for the isle of providence did meet and plot it , yet you know it was put out to nurse to london . for first you may well remember when the puritans here did as much abominate the military-yard or artillery-garden , as paris-garden it self : they would not mingle with the profane : but at last when it was instill'd into them , that the blessed reformation intended could not be effected but by the sword , these places were instantly filled with few or none but men of that faction : we were wont you know to make very merry at their training , some of them in two yeares practice could not be brought to discharge a musket without winking ; we did little imagine then , that they were ever likely to grow formidable to the state , or advance to that strength , as to be able to give the king battle , but after a while they began to affect , yea and compasse the chief offices of command , so that when any prime commanders dyed , new men were elected , wholy devoted to that faction ; and it became a generall emulation amongst them who should buy the most , and the best armes . secondly , that they might fill all places of authority with such as should advance the designe , all care is taken to fill the bench of aldermen , and the common-councel , with men disaffected to the government , both ecclesiasticall , and civill . to this purpose if london did not afford men bad enough , they would call them from other corporations , as alderman atkins from norwich and the like : but if he had been amsterdam or had been an adventurer to new england , or been the host of the silenced ministers , he was a jewell : nay some will tell you , & i am much of their opinion , that the faction have had so great a care of this , that they have chosen some men to places of the best esteem in the city , whose estates were not able to defray the charges , but have been supported by a common purse , and if you have not forgotten it , there was a motion you know made , that honest men , so they cal th●eselves , might beare the magistracy , and the citty beare the expence : some men thought that this proposall had especiall relation to those two beggerly captaines , ven and manuring , who having nothing either within or without them to render them fit for government , yet in this rebellious city , were thought most fit , because most averse from what was by law established . thirdly , because all this could not compasse the end they aymed at , unlesse the clergy did conspire with them and contribute their help , and because they found very few of the setled clergy here in the citty , ( except dr. gough , m. lackeson , votier , simons , walker , and a very few more ) compliant with their indeavours , they laboured by all means possible , to introduce that gibbus or excrescency , of the clergy called lecturers over their parochiall ministers heads , whose maintenance being dependent ( yet a portion by double leases and other sacralegious devices stolne from their owne parsons , so that the barren mountaines of wales afford not so many poore , and as sir benjamin rudyer was wont to call them , scandalous livings together , as are to be found within the walls of london ) must preach such doctrine as may foment disloyalty , and instill such principles into their auditors as may first dispose them to , and after engage them in rebellion , when things were ripe , or else they shall want bread to put into their heads : the truth is , brother rusticus , these military preparations had effected little , had not the fire been given from the pulpit . and because they saw how successefull this course was , and what strange effects it wrought in our city , a fourth design was , to place some of their emissaries in all corporations ( those nu●c●ries of schisme and rebellion ) and in the most eminent parts of the kingdom ; for this purpose a most specious and pious pretence is held out to the world , the buying in of impropriations : feoffces are appointed , men of publique callings , as clergy-men , lawyers , and citizens , whose imployments must needs render them knowne to many , and men of noted zeale in the opinion of the wo●ld ; ( such as it was ) thereby to gaine the reputation of religion to the undertaking : the lectures ( and others too ) deceived by the outside of this project , stirre up the rich and well affected to contribute liberally to this so religious an act , of rede●ming the lords portion out of lay-hands , and amongst the last counsells given to the dying ( and then commonly they make deepest impression ) this was never forgotten : by this meanes great summes were advanced , and the world stood at gaze to see the great returne which would be made to the church of that which sacraledge had made a lay-fee : after any were redeemed how long the revenues were held in the feoff●es hands , what pittances were allowed to the incumbents , how they robb'd peter to pay paul , and established a lecture perhaps in cornwall , with the tith of a parsonage in yorkeshire , or the like , appertains not to my present purpose . the thing that i shall observe unto you is , the great care and art used in fitting men for their service , and then disposing and securing them in their imployment , from any molestation of ecclesiasticall censures . to this end , first , they account it necessary to plant two seminaries , the first an initiary seminary , to this purpose they project the buying of a headship in one of the vniversities for some eminent man of their own party , under whose influence their novices might be trained up in their mysteries : though some houses in both vniversities were notorious enough in this kind before , and might have saved them this labour , as magdaline hall and new-inne in oxford , and emanuel colledge and katherine hall in cambridge . the second was a practique seminary , and that was at st. antholines here in london , and did in spiritualibus answer to the artilery garden , being a place to traine up their young emissaries , where they might take an essay of their affections and abilities , and by the bewitchments of gaine and popular applause deeply ingage them in their faction : and from this seminary were most of their new bought impropriations fill'd . and as they had their salary from , so they were subordinate to a classis or cler●-laicall consistory , who had power to transplant their most hopeful imps either into their purchased impropriations , or else into a lecture in some of the most populous places of the kingdom , maintained by a borrowed portion from an impropriation elswhere : yet this consistory , did not in their choice , strictly tye themselves to the plants of their own nurceries , but if any man had been a pseudomartyr for their cause , or had been sentenced by the high commission for non-conformity , or by some notorious undertaking had evidenced and declared himself , and irrevocably without apparant note of infamy and levity ( if he retracted ) ingaged himselfe to their party : or had letters testimoniall from patriarch white of dorchester , mr. cotton of boston , or the like , ( for calamy and marshall were not , as it is said of dathan and abiram , as yet famous in the congregation . ) this man was a choice plant and fit for their soyle . secondly , being planted abroad , their second care was , that whatsoever they preached , though never so derogatory to the government either ecclesiasticall or civill , yet they might be free from molestation , and preach on , without danger of loosing their maintenance by ecclesiasticall censure . to this purpose they attempt the buying a commis●aries place there , where they intended to make any speciall plantation : who being after their own hearts , might winke at their irregularities , and though the church-wardens should by chance be so honest to regard their oathes , and present them , yet by the purchased or bribed commissary they may secure them from the danger of the court . lastly , for feare least any of their creatures should fall from them , and desert the cause as some had done , when they had got what they looked for ; wisely they provide , that their maintenance shall be dependent , on the pleasure of their good masters the feoffees , alterable by addition , or substraction , according to their merits , or demerits , and their persons subject to be casheered if they preach not to the advancement of their holy cause , and according to the directions sent unto them from the conclave of their elders at london : that so as much as humane policy could invent , they might ( to use mr foxlies own words speaking in this argument ) establish the gospel by a perpetuall decree . when all things were now ready , their emissaries having prepared the hearts of the people to rebellion , first alienating them , by frequent slandering the footsteps of gods annoynted , decrying the government both of church and state , fomenting the causelesse discontents , and aggravating the necessities of state , with the odious names of tyranny , arbitrary power , violation of the subjects liberty , and property , and likewise possessed the credulous multitude , that the conformeable clergy had made a revolt from the protestant religion , and had an earnest intention to introduce popery : at last was fulfilled that prophecy of iudicious m. hooker , toward the end of the preface to that incomparable work of ecclesiasticall policy , that after the puritans have first resolved that attempts for discipline are lawfull , it will follow in the next place to be disputed , what may be attempted against superiors who will not have the scepter of that discipline to rule over them ? which prophecy we see exactly fulfilled in our dayes , for the puritans having first rebelled by a proxey , they then thought it seasonable to take an essay what an entertainment the doctrine for taking up armes against the king would find amongst their disciples . to this purpose doctor downing , a man fitted for any base imployment , and one that ( what ever he counterfeited ) ever looked awry on the church , in which ( being setled and in peace ) he could never hope to advance farther then vicar of hack●ney , was to feele the pulse of the citty : while therefore discontents runne high in the north , the scots having in a hostile manner entered the kingdome , the people every where , especially in london , stirr'd up by some agents to petition the king for this parliament , d. downing preaching to the brotherhood of the artilery garden positively affirmed , that for defence of religion and reformation of the church , it was lawfull to take up armes against the king . he having thus kindled the fire in the city , for feare of being questioned ( for as yet it was not lawfull to preach treason ) retired privately to the earle of warwicks house in essex , the common randevouz of all schysmaticall preachers , this sermon in every place administring matter of discourse , people censured it , as they stood affected , which gave occasion to the ringleaders of this faction to enter upon a serious examination , and study of this case of conscience : and it seems , consulting the iesuites on the one side , and the rigid puritans on the other , or indeed , because without admitting this doctrine , all their former endeavours would vanish into smoak , they stood doubtfull no longer , but closed with these two contrary factions , yet shaking hands in this poynt of rebellion , and subscribed to d. downings doctrine , as an evangelicall truth . and ▪ that in this i may not be thought to speak as if i were a parliament intelligencer still , for the truth of this , i appeale to m. stephen marshall himselfe , who being pressed by m. simons , that her●of●re he was of another opinion , ingenuously confessed it , but withall affirmed , that on d. downings sermon , having a hint given them , the brethren did enter upon an examination of the doctrine , and upon examination found it tru● : t●ough the truth is , they whispered this doctrine long before in their conventicles , but never durst proclaime it in their pulpits , before they saw an army in the bowells of the kingdom to make it good by the sword , and a faction in a parliament comeing on , that would authorize rebellion under this pretence , by their votes and ordinances . after it was once owned as a truth , and a truth , first scann'd , and then avowed by marshall , calamy , downing , and colonell cornelius burges , and the rest of their elders , that for the cause of religion it was lawfull for the subject to take up armes against his lawfull soveraigne , good god! how violently did the people of london rush into rebellion ? how plyable did the faction in parliament find them , to raise tumults ? make outcries for justice ? call for innocent blood ? subscribe and preferre petitions against the holy lyturgy ? and the hierarchy , root and branch , if doctor burges did but hold up his finger to his mermidons ? or captain ven send his summons by his wife , to assemble the zelots of the city ? but because all other attempts had been to little purpose , while the power of the sword remained in his hands , into which god had put it , the heads of this rebellion consider , that it was more seazable by secret practises , to render the king unable to withstand them , then for them openly to oppose the king ; therefore their main indeavour is to wrest the power of the militia out of the kings hands by degrees , and to put it there , where they might place the greatest confidence . but this was a work not easily effected , great changes could not be ushered in but by great preparations to make it way for them ; hereupon the faction in parliament make it their first work to make this city wholly theirs , that one soule as it were might animate both representive bodies , that of the kingdome , and this of the city : knowing that it was in vaine for the faction in parliament to contrive unlesse the faction in the common-councellin london would execute : for though there were some flourishes made from buckingham-shire in the behalfe of m. hampden , and from leicester-shire in the behalfe of sir arther hasterigge ; and the like , yet the standing guard , and power of the faction in parliament , on which they relied , to affront the king ; and save themselves from the justice of the laws , was that fixed here in london . and because where feare doth possesse the multitude , it makes them work not like agents , but like instruments , and moulds them to a temper , fit to receive impressions , from those , in whose wisdoms or loves they repose themselves , making them plia●le to all directions and counsells , which shall be given by them , whom they esteeme patriots of the common-wealth , and assertors of the liberties , and safety of the people , all possible art was used to possesse the kingdome , but especially the city with strange ●ealousies and feares , and therefore besides the often inculcating the fained intention of introducing popery , great preparations in france , and denmarke to invade the kingdome , to inable the king to governe arbitrarily , to the subversion of the fundamentall lawes of the kingdome , together with the liberty and property of the subject : ( theames that did continually possesse both the pulpit and the presse , which how tru● , though most impudently affirmed , the world now sees : ) each day did produce a discovery of some new treason , and to ind●●●e the city the more it must be so contrived , that in these monstrous fictions you shall continually find the parliament and city fained to be involved in the same danger . to possesse the kingdom how mortally the parliament and city ( the two vitall parts of the kingdome as pym calls them ) were threatned ; in the time of the recesse they take opportunity of the petition delivered by the troop●rs from the north , and by an order from the committee , they appoynt strong watches to be kept in all high-wayes , villages , and townes within twenty miles of london , that travellers into all parts of the kingdome , passing through these guards , might report when they came home , in how much danger the parliament and city were for their sakes . and that the credulous people might not think but that this was done on good grounds , a letter is writte● from the parliament commissioners in scotland , m. hampden , m. fiennes and the rest to m. pym and the close committee here , to inform them of a strange conspiracy discovered in edenburgh , to seize on the persons of the marquesse hamilton , and the earles of argile , and lan●ricke : the committee wisely considering that it was no st●ange thing for treason to make a step out of scotland into england , instantly provided against it , ( at least so they would be thought ) by publishing an order commanding the iustices of peace of middlesex , surrey , and southwarke , to secure the city and the places adjoyning from all danger by strong guards , well armed , and give this reason for their order , because the mischievous designes and conspiracies lately discovered in scotland against some principall and great men there , by some of the popish faction , gives just occasion to suspect , that they may maintain correspondency here and practise the like mischiefe . presently upon the neck of this m. pim's life ( to the great detriment of the kingdom and nation ) is indangered by a contagious plaister of plague sore , wrapt up in a letter and directed to him : but god be thanked , the infection did not take , though throwing away the plaister only , he put the letter in his pocket : he being reserved for another manner of death ( we hope ) then to dye privately in his bed , with a few spectators to bear witnesse of his end . then comes a tailor out of a ditch in finsbury fields , having miraculously escaped , being runne nine times besides the body , ( for like a wise tailor , wheres●ever he made ilotholes , he would be sure to make none in his own skinne , though to gain credit to the relation : ) and he tells a strange discovery of a treason , which he overheard two men talking of , a conspiracy against the life of the lord say , and some of the chief members of both houses : a thing so improbable , indeed so ridiculous , that had they not thought that the world stood prepared to receive any thing for truth which came from them , 't was a wonder how they durst own it . and now i have named a taylor it puts me in mind of per●ins my lord say's taylor , who at a common-councell produced a copy of a letter from an i know not what irish lord in paris , to such an other irish lord in london , intimating some strange designe against the city , which took as passionately with the people , as if it had been certified from m. strickeland his worship himselfe ▪ embassador for the two houses u●to the states-generall of the united provinces . but the most monstrous of all the rest , a●d that which if the people had not been accursed to believe lies , was the invisible army quartered under ground at ragland castle , discovered by iohn davis , servant to mistris lewis an inne-keeper at rosse , to alderman actons coachman : except the blowing up the thames with gunpowder to drowne the city , one of the most dangerous plots that ever affrighted london . and as by their own fictions they endeavoured to possesse the people with iealousies , so whatsoever the king did never wanted a sinister interpretation , glossed to the multitude , to traduce his actions , as if in them there were ever some evill intended to the city and parliament . when the king removed belfore from the lieutenancy of the tower , and placed sir thomas lunsford in that charge , the citizens and their wives could not sleep quietly in their bedds , for feare of having their houses beaten down about their eares . to satisfy their clamours , though nothing were objected against him , the king reassumes the trust , and presently deposites it with sir iohn byron : the faction were as ill satisfied in him , yet it was not easy what to object against him : nay it was a query that did not a little trouble them in what to quarrell him : at last lieutenant hooker the aquavite man , and nicholson the chandler , complaine in the common-councell , that since sir iohn byron came to be lieutenant of the tower , the mint ( to the great prejudice and dishonour of the kingdome ) stood still . those that knew what trade these men drove , by the poor retaile of broomes , candles , and mustard , their chief merchandize , to improve brasse farthings into groats and sixpences , accounted the objection as inconsiderable as the authors that alleadged it , yet as meane and false as it was , it served some mens turnes to slander the king to his people , and raise a clamour . the king out of the abundant goodnesse of his nature , hoping to winne them by some condescendments , ( which now the world sees is impossible : puritans being of another manner of temper then to be overcome with kindnesse ) removes sir iohn byron , and confers this great trust on sir iohn coniers , a man of whom the faction it seems conceived better hopes , and indeed hitherto if you consider his exaction upon the kings friends in his custody , or retaining the name of lieutenant , but resigning the power contrary to his expresse oath , and that on his own petition to the train bands of the city , he hath not given them any occasion to repent them of their acquiescence in him . it were endlesse , brother rusticus , to relate all the meanes used to heighten the fears of this miserable city , and by consequence of the kingdome : especially after the faction in parliament , had shewen them the way by publishing that great buggbeare to affright the people , the remonstrance of the state of the kingdome . at last to make experiment what good effect all these arts had produced the maine engineers resolve on twelfe night to see what partee they had in the city , and what assistance they might expect ( if occasion served ) by giving a false allarme . to this purpose in the night a rumour is divulged and suddenly dispersed through the city , that the king and cavaleers with fifteene hundred horse were coming to surprize the city : you would wonder to consider how this report prevailed , insomuch that in an instant london was in armes , no lesse then or men ready provided to incounter they knew not what : the women ( who as m. peters did instruct 〈◊〉 in the pulpit , have huggd their husbands into this rebellion ) provide hot water ( besides what they sprinkled for feare ) to throw on the cavaleeres : joynt-stooles , foormes , and emp●y tubbes are throwne into the streets to intercept the horse . had you been at lord majors that night , as i was , you might upon the aldermens coming to him , to consult against the common danger , easily perceive which of the aldermen were privy to this designe , and who were not thought fit to be intrusted with so great a mysterie : some of them ( and when time serves i can tell you their names ) came so neat as if they had spent the whole day to be trimme at midnight , their beards put into a feasting posture , not a haire awry , a cleare demonstration that they had not consulted their pillows that night : their ruffes set as compleatly as if they had beene to dine with the masters of their companies , or were prepared to beare a part in my lord majors shew : but the rest that slept in the simplicity of their hearts , and went to bed , so farre from misconceiving their gracious soveraigne to have any evill intention against the city , that they thoug●t themselves safe under his protection , these came in a farre different garbe , one came in his nightcap & forgot his hat , another had his hat , but did not remember to take his ruffe , one trots along in his slippers , another for haste not staying to garter his stockings , had lost them had not his shoo●s 〈◊〉 on : so that it was easy to distinguish who were cons●iding ald●rmon , as they call them , and who malignants . and as by degr●es they wrought the people to this height of iealousie , so by degrees too , proportionable to their 〈…〉 they disarme the king , and arme themselves . at first they did only wrest the sword out of the kings hau● , 〈◊〉 as their party grew stronger , they turned the point upon him . when their feares were but young , the faction of the city desired 〈◊〉 more , but a strong guard of the train-bands , and this 〈◊〉 called the safety of the city , when their feares grew stronger , then in a common-councell they move for the posture of defence , which was the egge of which afterwards was natched ●hat cockatrice of the militia . but because it was impossible to disarme the king , as long as the lord major stood firme in his loyalty , and invested in his power ; their maine work therefore was , first , to pack a common-councell of men of their own faction , and then by advancing the power of their common-councell ( by the assistance of the house of commons ) above the lord majors , to draw the voting of all queryes , and the resolution of all doubts , or matters under debate , unto the decision of a major part ; and if any obstacle lay in their way to these ends , which was not in their power to remove , presently at a dead lift , penington or ven or vassels bring an order from the house of commons , which never failed to determine all things , for their own creatures . and because the practices of these men deserve not to be buried in silence , i shall give you a short account , how the power of the militia of the city , came to be taken out of the lord major , and court of aldermens hands , and ●eated in a major part of the commons ; in which you shall see how a faction in the city conspired with a faction in the parliament , and this faction in the parliament with that in the city , untill between both , the king was inforced , for fear of their tumults , and insolencies , to withdraw himself into the country . the time of election of common-councell men comming on , at st thomas day . when these feares and jealousies had distracted the city , it was no difficult matter , for this active faction , to instill into their fellow citizens how much it concerned them to make choyce of godly men ( so they miscall themselves ) and such as would oppose the popish party , under which notion , they comprehend all such as stand well affected to the government established , whether ecclesiasticall , or civill . they accuse the old common-councell-men , as men not zelous for religion , ready to comply with the court for loanes of monies , and which was worse , many had not only set their hands to , but were active in promoting the intended petition , for episcopacy , and the booke of common prayer . these objections ( which duly considered had been so many convincing arguments for them ) so prevailed , with these silly men , ( who thought all to be in danger , vnlesse the government were put into new hands ) that in most wards , the old common-councell men were turned out , and new chosen in , wholy devoted to the puritan faction ; especially in those wards , where their aldermen inclined that way : amongst these , the most remarkable were atkins , w●llastone , george garrat the draper , wardner , and towse . now outgoe all the grave , discreet , well-affected citizens , as sr george benyon , m. drake , m. roger clarke , m. roger gardner , deputy withers , m. cartwright , and others , and in their stead are chosen fowke the traytor , ryley the squeeking bodyes-maker , perkins the taylor , norminton the cutler , young beardlesse co●lson the dyer , gill the wine-cooper , and iupe the laten-man in crooked-lane , beadle of the ward , in the place of deputy withers . so that a man would swear , they meant to fulfill , what a wise lord keeper once spake to a recorder of london , dyning with him , upon occasion of a wood cock-py● brought to the table , with the heads looking out of the lid , mr recorder , you are welcome to a common-councell . these new men , though chosen on s. thomas day , are never returned by the constant custome of the city , before the munday after twelfe-day : nor have power to 〈◊〉 in the common-councell , or concurre in doing any act , before the indentures of their election be returned from the wardmo●e inquest to the town-clark , and a warrant is sued fort● from the lord major , to the serjeant of the chamber to summon them . yet in the yeare . the small space of time betweene s. thomas day , and the day of this returne , was a very active time : and that which laid the ground-work , of that revolt of this city , from their loyalty to rebellion , which presently followed . therefore impatient to stay the time of their ordinary calling , and knowing the necessity of their presence for the advancement of the work in hand , when the king , gave order to the lord major , for calling that common-councell held december , . . when the lord newburge was sent from the king , to give the city notice of the late tumults at westminster , and white-hall , and to recommend unto them the care of preventing the like disorders , for the time to come . to this common-councell , comes fowks , and with him , all the tribe of this new choice , and mingle with the old ; which being an intrusion without president , was earnestly opposed by them , that loved the ancient order , and honour of the city ; and foresaw the inundation breaking in upon them , yet out of respect to the kings message , and that lord that brought it , the controversie for the present was hushed up , and generally , they applied themselves to give dispatch to the answer , which they were to returne to the king , which was accordingly done , and the answer presently after published in print . so , on the . of ianuary , being the day after the king went to the house of commons to demand the five members , a common councell being called by the kings direction to the lord major , to which himselfe in person came , to impart unto them , the reasons that induced him to goe to the house the day before , and to admonish them , not to harbour or protect these men in the city . thither came fowke and his new elected , but not admitted brethren . fowke having prepared a saucy , insolent speech , to make unto the king , concerning feares , & iealousies , touching the members accused , the priviledges of parliament , and that they might not be tried but in a parliamentary way . the king heard him with admired patience , and whereas so disloyall expressions , justly deserved his royal indignation , to have se●t him to newgate , or bride-well ( especially interposing in that representative body of which , as yet , he was no member . ) the king onely returned this short , gracious answer , bidding him and the rest , to assure themselves , that they should have a lust tryall , according to the lawes of the land ; adding , that they were dangerous men , and that neither he , nor they , could be in safety , as long as these men were permitted to go on in their way . it was observed by some , very wise men , there present , that the king at his comming to the common-councell , was received with joy , and acclamations ; not much inferiour to those , at his entrance into the city , on his returne from scotland . but after the reason of his comming was knowne , and the puritan party had in●tilld into the peoples heads , that the great patriots of the kingdome were in danger , to be called to a legall triall , for treason , at his returne , there was a new face on the multitude , and instead of god save the king , there was nothing ecchoed in his eares , but priviledges of parliament , priviledges of parliament ! great is diana of the ephesians was never roared louder . the king dined that day at sheriffe garrets , and the faction of the sectaries , brownists , and anabaptists having time to assemble , after dinner , the house was beset , and the streets leading unto it thronged with people , thousands of them flocking from all parts of the city : and the clamour still was priviledges of parliament ; which cry first taken up that day , and that , with so good successe , never failed to be objected to the king , and inculcated to the people , even unto this day , in all their appeales unto them . this tumult sweld to that height , that the king in his returne was in great danger , the people in a most undutifull manner , pressing upon , looking into , and laying hold on his coach : nay , in defiance of his sacred person , and authority , that seditious pamphlet of walkers , to your tents o lsrael , was throwne either into , or very near his coach : insomuch , that those few friends , which the king had in the city , were heartily glad when they heard that the king was safely arrived at white-hall : for i assure you , his fast friends here in the city , as the never enough honoured sir richard gurney , and sir thomas gardner the recorder were in great danger , being pursued with outcryes , as remember the protestation , others calling them halfe protesters ; nay the lord major had his chaine torne from his neck by a zelous sister . this very day , the two houses ( the leaders in both ) thinking themselves unsafe at westminster , affrighted with their own guilt , resolve to take sanctuary in london , knowing , that what ever they had done , or ever should doe , though never so derogatory to the king , never so contrary to law , yet the puritan faction in the city would afford them not only protection , but power and assistance . both houses therefore adjourn , untill the tuesday following , and cast themselves into a committee , to meet at guild-hall , or grocers-hall . to the committee at grocers hall , come the five members in great triumph , guarded , and attended by the train-bands , and a strong guard set to secure the place of their sitting . now , if ever , was the fatall conspiration of time and place , for coyning new unheard of priviledges of parliament , not only to the securing the persons of traitors , but iustifying treason it selfe : for here was ( before this day ) the unheard of priviledge of parliament declared , that no member of parliament ought to be arrested by any warrant whatsoever , without consent of that house , whereof he is a member , and by the same ordinance it was declared , that they that shall arrest these members are enimies to the state : with free liberty granted for all persons to harbor or converse with them : in all which , it is evident , that the power and strength of london were made the first obstruction of the free course of iustice , and the city made the asylum , and sanctuary of those , whom the king had justly declared traytors . and now , having undoubted experience of the affection of the city , all eyes being turned from white hall , to grocers hall , where the darlings of the people were pompously feasted , and fawningly courted : on saturday the eight of ian. . the committee consult , how the accused members might come to westminster ; the tuesday following , and without any long debate , it was resolved upon the question , that the sheriffes of london should , and might raise a guard of the traine-bands , for the defence of the king and parliament ; and that they might warrantablely march out of their liberties , and that you may see that the scene was right layd , there were some ready at that instant to make a tender of the assistance of the seamen and mariners , whose power should guard them by water , as the train-bands by land . next day being sunday , every pulpit that was at their devotion , sounded nothing but the praise of kimbolton and the five members : inciting the people to stand up in the defence of these w●rthies : else if they permitted the king to take away these to day , he might goe on to seize on as many more to morrow , untill he had left the parliament naked of all good patriots , and zealous assertors of religion , the lawes , and liberties of the kingdom . on munday the tenth of ian. . the king hearing of these great preparations , an army by land , and a navy by sea , which was to cast ancre against white-hall , suddenly , ( and certainly guided byan immediat providence , which in a peculiar manner watched over kings ) resolved with his ever glorious queen , the prince , and the duke of york , to withdraw to hampton court , which accordingly he did : not leaving ( though well he might ) his curse behind him upon london , as henry the third of france did on paris , fowly provoked in the like manner ; who flying from the city and the holy league the parallell of this treason here , at chaliot , turning towards it , said , i give thee my curse , disloyall , and ingratefull city , a city which i have alwayes honoured with my continuall aboad , a city which i have inriched more then any of my predecessors , i shall never enter within the compasse of thy walls , but by the ruine of a great and memorable breach . the king , now , no better then fled from london , and the apparent dangers there , the whole strength of the city remained at the disposall of a faction of puritans in the parliament , and a faction of puritans in the city . that very munday , on which the king for his safety from these tumults , withdrew himselfe ( and 't is a wonder that any man should be so frontlesse to deny , that for that reason , and that reason only , he withdrew himselfe ) was the returne made of the indentures of the election of the common councell-men , and if any election was questioned , as some were , and that most justly , 't was truely observed , that the decision , never failed to goe on their side , who were last elected , whether it were right , or wrong : for whereas formerly all controversies of this nature were submitted to the determination of the lord major and court of aldermen only , now by the impetuousnesse , and clamour of fowke , and his adherents , it must be referred to a committee of the common-councell , the same committee which was for the safety , the first step which the puritans made towards the militia . having thus put the king to flight , and by most indirect unwarrantable practices , turned most of the discreet able men of the city , out of the common-councell , they beginne to put the city into a true posture of rebellion , which they called , the posture of defence , and was the second step to the militia : and for the committee of this posture of defence , they nominate six aldermen , and twelve commoners , most of them being of this last election . and to have a leader for the intended rebellion , upon ven's recommendation ; skippon for his councell , and advice , is added as an appendix to the committee . and though a great debt lay on the chamber of london , which was often complained off , but never paid , yet serjeant major generall skippon , ( so many are the syllables of his new honours ) is ordered by act of common-councell , to have ● a yeare , out of the treasury for orphans , during his life , if he should so long continue in the city service . a strong party being thus made , they beginne to make all manner of warlike preparations , and provide ammunition of all sorts : they increase the number of the train-bands , from sixe , to eight thousand , and appoint over them sixe aldermen , to be colonells , each colonell to have his captains , officers , colours , and regiment , to be assigned him by the committee for the posture of defence : and yet as if all this had been to no purpose , unlesse they can make the lord major ( a shrewd rubbe in the way ) a meer cipher , and reduce their governour , to so mean a condition , as to be only their instrument , they intrench upon his power , and invade it many wayes . first , therefore , whereas the power of summoning common-councells , resided only in the lord major , who , with the advice of some aldermen , was to judge of the reasons inducing him , to assemble this representative body , now by orders from the house of commons , at the instance of pennington , ven , & vassells , the lord major is not left to his own judgement , when to call or not to call a common-councell , but must doe it , as oft as the men of this faction shall command him : which usurp'd power , both ven and fowkes have used with that insolency , that when they have required sir richard gurney to call a common-councell , and he hath demanded a reason , they have vouchsafed him no other answer , then this saucy one , that when he came thither he shold know . secondly , as the power of calling common-councels was trusted by their charter & long prescription , with the lord major , so the power of dissolving them , was put into the same hands , he might rise in the midst of a debate , and dismisse the assembly , and yet was not bound to give them an account , why he did so ; but now , partly by violence , and partly by pretended orders from the house of commons , he is fastned to his seat , there he must sit , untill ven and fowkes and the rest have no farther use of him . thirdly , heretofore , when a common-councell was called , nothing could be put to the question , or proposed as the subject of their deliberation , but what the lord major by the recorder did offer unto them ; but now , when they could not prevaile with the major to command the recorder , nor with the recorder without the lord majors consent , to propose what the faction pleased , by the omnipotency of an order , from the house of commons , they make the dumb to ●●eak , what ven and the rest will have them : or else the lord major and the recorder must answer it ●t a committee . lastly , whereas the lord major and ald●rmen sit apart , from the commons , and are 〈◊〉 , when the others are bareheaded , and have a negative voice , the itch of incorporating two in one , hath been as great in the city , as ever it was at westminster , and with 〈◊〉 successe ; for the faction here ( upon the point ) have cast all into a common huddle , blending the court of aldermen with the comons ▪ vpper , and lower , sound as harshly here , as westward : and though in outward appearance , they remain two distinct members , of one body , yet , in power , they have made both , levell , involving the votes of the major and aldermen in the major part of the commons . the puritan faction , by the assistance of the house of commons ▪ having thus gotten the power to call common-councells , power to continue them , power to put to the question what they please , and power to determine all by a major part , my lord major having no more sway then perkins the taylor , rily the bodyes maker , or nicholson the chandler , they may dispose of the wealth and power of the city as they please : now the two factions openly communicate counsills , walk hand in hand , that 't was a question , which was the parliament , that at westminster , or this at guile-hall . towards the end of ianuary . the commons house petition'd the king touching the tower , the forts , and the militia , and as two strings set to the same tune , though on two severall violls , at a convenient distance , if you touch one , the other by consent renders the same sound , so , the house of commons , and the common-councell of this city , were now grown to such a sympathy , that the motions , and endeavours of one , were the work of both : that you would sweare , fowkes was as much a parliament man here , as ven at westminster : for before february was tenne dayes old , there was a common-councell held , in which many things were debated : the court was continued long , untill one of the clock : at last , tired out with long sitting , and willing to rise , ven , taking advantage of the present indisposition of the court , to sit longer , ready to admit proposalls , without any strict scanning , ( especially since whatsoever passed that common-councell , was to undergoe a second consideration at the next , as their constant custome is ) produceth an order from the house of commons , by which , they were desired to returne such mens names , with whom the city thought fit to intrust the militia of london . the court , surprized with so unexpected a message for the present , not piercing into the reason of it , nor understanding that the houses were in so great forwardnesse to settle the militia , as afterwards they found they were , nor imagining that the men , whose names they returned , should have absolute power to execute any thing of themselves , but only as a committee to consult , and prepare , and report to the common-councell , as the limited power of all committees is , and , considering that the posture of defence , and the new militia , though two names , were in effect but one the same thing , ordered that the names of the com●ittee , for the 〈…〉 , should be sent to the house in returne to their order . the intention of the house , ( as some thinke ) in this message , ( though for my part , if i were put to my oath i dare not sweare it ) was , to indeare the city , and to lay an obligation upon them by giving them power to nominate their owne men : but ven ( instructed by some , that had more wit , but as little honesty as himselfe ) his purpose in the carriage of this businesse was , to make the lord major , the sheriffes and court of aldermen , by their owne voluntary , but inconsiderate act , to renounce ( as it were ) their owne interest , and so , to place this great power of the militia on the committee for the posture of defence , whereof the major part , if not all , were of his owne faction . many dayes had not passed , before it was generally knowne , to the great regret of all loyall discreet men , that the militia of london , was put in the hands of the committee for the posture of defence . not long after , a common-councell was called , at which , when the orders made the last meeting , ( as the custome is ) were read , at this , many men seeing the snare , into which unwittingly they had cast themselves , beganne to retract , and speake against that order , whereby the committee for the posture of defence , were invested with the power of the militia : nay , some of the aldermen , whose names were returned , for the new militia , utterly protested against it : affi●ming , that when they passed that order , they had not the least intention , to exclude the lord major , from having power over the militia , nor had any thought , to place so absou●u●e power in their committee , as ( they found ) the two houses had done : and hereupon , by some that stood well affected to the honour , and peace of the city , it was earn●stly moved , that the houses might be petitioned to reverse their order , but all in vaine : the faction in the common-councell being instructed by their leaders , at what advantage they had the city , were resolved , not to lose it , by giving way to such a motion : but on the contrary , to make all sure , ven produceth another order f●om the house of commons , that skippon , whom the committee for the posture of defence , had associated 〈…〉 for his advice , and assistance , should , by their assent , bee ●●ded to the same committee for the militia : which w●s no sooner move● ▪ 〈◊〉 assented unto , the major part of the common-councell ( who now rule the rest ) will have it so . the court of aldermen finding ( but too too late ) that this settlement of the 〈◊〉 , would be no small derogation to the 〈…〉 and the government of the city in generall ; and being out of all h●pe to find the commons ●●ady to joyne with them , in such a petition , resolve ( without them ) to petition , that this order of so dangerous consequence might be 〈…〉 and sheriffes be nominated of the committee . to this end petitions are ●amed , and delivered , but to no pu●pose ; the lord 〈…〉 , was too well knowne , to be admitted , to h●ve any share in that power which was intended to be imployed against the king . notwithstanding this repulse , divers ci●izens , very consi●erable for their number , but more considerable for their quality and abilities , out of a sence of that great comtempt and prejudice which this would bring upon that ancient government , ●●der which their city had so long flourished , joyne in a petition in their owne names , to the two houses , to the same effect , but with worse success● ; for the house of commons , having information what was in agitation in the city , send wa●● long to ●eize on the petition , and the subscriptions ; by which meanes , the names of the subscribers 〈…〉 there wanted not arts to make them retract their owne voluntary act : some by perswasions , and private solicitations , others intimidated by threats , and menaces , are compell'd to recent , & because it was a note of lev●ty , if not worse , so suddenly to protest against their owne voluntary act , therefore the decoy to bring on the rest , to so base , ●o●unworthy a revolt , was lemhall the speakers brother , which example ( he having broke the ice ) was followed by many , that loved an ignoble quietnesse , before freedom , with trouble . this last petition was that which they call benyons petition● and indeed sir george beny●n was ( and he needs not be ashamed of it ) a framer , and a chiefe promoter of that most reasonable , most equitable petition : which notwithstanding was made that great crime , that afterwards drew on his impeachment , and heavy gensure in parliament . id which sentence , the world may see what grosse ▪ injustice and partiality was used by them , th●● would be angry , not to be thought the most upright , unblemished iustitiaries in the world . the christmas before ( which we● now must call nativity tide ) the lord maior , and the recorder , were convented before a committee for obstructing the apprentizes petition , against episcopacy ; and learned peard ( ●ho hath no more law then what was made this parliament ) sitting in the chayre , told them , that it was against the freedome and liberty of the subject , not to permit them ( without any let or interruption ) to present their grievances in paper to the parliament , nay for feare they should want worke , there was an order published in print by the house of commons to that very purpose ; yet sir george for making use of the same liberty , which themselves had proclaimed , is sentenced thus : first , fined in three thousand pounds . secondly , disfranchized , utterly deprived of the priviledges of the city . thirdly , never to beare any office in the kingdome . fourthly , to be committed prisoner to colchester gaole for two yeares , and lastly , at the expitation of that tearm to give security for the good behaviour , such , as the parliament if they then sare ) should then thinke fitting , and in case the pariament were dissolved , such as the lord keeper for the time being should approve of : how will this sentence , for ever justifie the severest , that were ever given , either in the star-chamber , or high commission , that did doome a man to ruine , for no other fault , then what themselves had authorized , and judged it against the liberty of the subject , to oppose it , even by their owne order . the committee for the posture of defence , being by these dishonest practices made lords of the militia , and being armed with as much power as will , to serve the most desperate , treasonable designes , which either say , or pym should suggest , they now goe on without checke or controu●e , and beate downe all before them that stand in their way . on triviall pretences , or for necessary obedience to the kings iust commands , they remove honest sir richard gurney ▪ ( whose name in after chronicles will outshine famous walworths , and upbraid this rebellious city to all posterity ) from the governement of the city , and 〈◊〉 his place substitute little isaac , rejecting the olive , and advancing that bramble , out of which i feare will come that fire , which will consume this seditious city . now the people are authorized by ord●nance of both houses , and encouraged and pressed even in point of conscience , by their boutefeau lecturers , to list horses in moorefields , send in money and plate to guild-hall for the service of the king and parliament , and because they would be sure to have an orator in every pulpit to quicken the people , to poure out their wealth liberally , to further the rebellion intended , they cause the very dregs , and s●um of every parish , to petition against the orthodox clergy : who being imprisoned , or fle , they sequester their livings , for the use of their owne levites : so that at this day , there is not a true orthodox minister left , freely speaking his conscience , and exercising his ministery in the whole city : so that whatsoever they pretend , that they take up armes for the defence of the protestant religion , if they meane the protestant religion , as it is by act of parliament established in the church of england , i assure you , brother , were you here , you could no more see a face of the church of england , then you can at amsterdam . they have not onely banished all decency and order , together with the established liturgy , out of our churches , but in stead of the gospel , our new preach●rs entertaine their auditories with newes , which upon examination prove but fictions and lyes to blind the people , or else with bitter invectives against the king and his government : and as for faith , charity , and repentance , they are laid aside as impertinent arguments : all their exhortations now , are to treason and rebellion : so that , as in the holy league of france , as my author speakes , our pulpits are made the chaires of iuglers . nay , the very sacraments escape not their blasphemy and prophanation ●o these vile purposes : i doubt not but you have heard of m. case his invitation of the congregation to the lords table , who in stead of you that do truly and earnestly repent you of your sinnes , and be in love and charity with your neighbours , and intend to lead a new life , &c. bespake them thus : you that have freely and liberally contributed to the parliament , for the defence of gods cause and the gospels , draw neere : to the rest he threatned damnation , as com●●ing unworthily to the holy sacrament : it were endlesse to 〈◊〉 unto you , ( it deserves som● mans labour in particular ) to acquaint you , and the kingdome , with the blasphemies , prophanations , and absurdities , which he and his brethren in evill , vent every day in their extemporary prayers and sermons . yet were a●l this treason set out mix'd with wit , or did they preach rebellion aduantag'd by the alluring helpes of art and el●quence , it might perswade some amongst us not to turne recusa●ts from their assemblies : but they are the d●yest , and the dullest beasts that ever peepd over a pulpit : while these remaine in the city , rotheram the lecturer , never needs feare to be heard in his deprecation , that we might never see such a famine here in london , as was once in samaria , where an asses head was sold for fourescore pieces of silver , thankes to him and the rest , wee have great plenty here , and while we have so many , there is no feare that they will ever rise to so high a price . but when people are disposed u●to a re●ellion , small helpes will serve their turne , a rams-horne is as good as shebahs trumpet : yet they have one art ( and i may not forg●t it , because it takes much with the people ) and it is this , you shall have one , and the same argument possesse most of our pulpit , on the same day , the same matter , is the subject , ●i●her of their rayling invectives , or rebellious exhortations . the undiscerning multitude , not piercing into this imposture , f●ndly are perswaded , that this is no lesse then the inspiration of the holy ghost , when god knowes , this is no more , then an i●timation given from the heads of the faction , to calamy , and the iunto that meet at his house , from whom their emissaries receive direct●ons , what concernes the present opportunity , and is necess●ry to be pre●ched unto the people . by these and the like arts , 't is a w●nder to see , what ●orces have been raised , what summes have beene advanced , and pour●d out , to further this rebellion ; it is the opinion of very wise men amongst us here , that have observed the severall h●lpes , which the city of london ha●h contributed to this present unnaturall warre , that they have supplyed the treasury of the rebells , with no lesse , then three millions of money , and their a●my with threescore thousand men , first 〈◊〉 , then recre●●ing their mangled , b●aten regiments , at so great expence both of treasure and blood hath this proud unthankfull city been , to disthrone the king , and r●ine the kingdom . and that they might not want supplies of men , to keepe this rebellion on foot , they have cancelled , or dispensed with all the obligations and tyes of religion , nature and lawes ; they have given the sonne power not only without , but contrary to the parents commands to list himselfe , and take entertainment in their army , the same liberty they have given to apprentises , and servants , to take armes , not only without , but contrary to the command of their masters and mistresses . how many poore p●rents , how many poore trades-men , nay , how many poor widdowes , and their distressed orphans , be here in this city , that had no other subsistence but what was hardly earned by their children , or apprentises industry and labour , are now all like to starve , or are necessitated to fly to the almes of the parish ( though the poores stock it selfe be invaded and spent in this warre ) while ●hose that fed them are left in this unnaturall rebellion ? nay how many disconsolate parents have you in the country , that sent their children hither to this city , and gave great summes with them , to bind them apprentises to trades , & manufactures , hoping that hereafter they might live like men , nay , perhaps some of their mothers out of an overweaning opinion , might fancy to themselves , hopes , that they might live to see their sonnes lord majors of london , ( and why not ? ) that now sit mourning , and wringing their hands , and curse the day not onely in which they sent them hither , but in which they were borne , not because they have lost a legge or an arm● , or returned maimed , so that all they can hope for is to have entertainment in an hospitall , and that no longer neither , then till the kings maimed souldiers shall come , and tell them that that charity was never provided for men disabled fighting against their king , but because they have lost their lives , and not onely their lives but their pretious souls too , dying in a grievous sinne , in the very act of rebellion ? methinks you in the country , ( if there be any bowels of compassion yearning over the fruit of your bodies ; if there be any sense of that eternall condition that doth attend them after this life , if there be any hope of the joyes of heaven , or feare of the torments of hell ) should be very sensible of this . and though god hath manifestly fought against them , for the king , giving him victory in many battailes , when all humane helpes , and advantages were on the robells side , though god hath miraculonsly , and beyond the hope of man restored unto him , the hearts of the people , ( which the heads of this rebellion , by slanders had stolne from h●m : ) th●ugh from small , and contemptible beginnings in the eyes of his enemies ( few or 〈…〉 for h●m but god , and the just●ce of his cause ) god hath prosp●red him into many mighty armies , which ●ender him formidab●e to the proudest , and stoutest of the rebells ; ●●ough every victory hath beene seconded by a 〈◊〉 of peace , and with an overture of pacification , so that as himself spe●kes in 〈◊〉 declaration pu●lished iuly , ●●● . he could not probably 〈◊〉 unden the scandalous imp●●●tion which ha●h usually 〈◊〉 his messages of p●ace , 〈◊〉 they proceed from t●e w●ak●esse of his p●●er ●ot l●ve of his people . lastly●though like a● ind●●gent father of r●bellious children , he hath 〈◊〉 his city , and vvood it , by many pardons , many and often repeated acts of grace and favour to recall us to our former loyalty , ( 〈…〉 we were loyall ) yet , inconsiderate , unthankfull wretches as we are , we overlooke , or sleight all these invitations ; for 〈…〉 we have added this , as the complement of our other r●bellions , that ( whether more unthankfully or undutifully i ●●●●not tell ) we have cast dirt in our soveraignes fa●● , and 〈◊〉 the foo●stpes of gods anoynted , as if he were guilty of all 〈◊〉 miseries , which at this time threaten the subversion of this na●●on : we will no longer wrong our king secretly , through 〈◊〉 sides of his evill counsellors , or cavallers , but ●hrage him 〈◊〉 , and poynt blanke , as in that most seditious declaration , or what every you will call it , presented by sir dauid vvatkins , and that broken citizen , out at elbowes , called satten shute , to the common-councell , and by them to the remainder of the 〈◊〉 house , if it be not breach of priviledge to call it so . how willing have we ob●yed every commandement , except god , and the kings ▪ how forward have we beene , to imploy the large revenues of our severall companies , and brotherhoods , ( as heretofore to excesse , and gluttony , so now ) to support this , reb●llion ? how ready ▪ even b●yond our ab●lities , have we bin to , submit to every tax , and illegall impistion : even to the bondage , and sl●very of 〈◊〉 , b● which we are not so much proprietaries of our owne , as stewards , or cashieres to the heads of the rebellion : and all this to no other end but to keepe up the rebellion : wee have not only protected , & supported the kings mortall enemies , but as much as in us lay , have persecuted all his friends , or , if but suspected to stand well-affected to him , and the justice of his cause , not sparing the effusion of i●nocent blood , as that of m. tomkins , and m. chaloner , which like the blood of abel , calls loud to heaven for vengeance , on this bloody city , and q●●stionlesse will in time be heard ; for not content to buy these mens bloods with great summes of monies which could not be advanced but on this condition , that m. tomkins , and m. chaloner , be delivered up to their pleasure , and murthered for a strange conspiracy called obedience to the king : but being dead , in an unheard of barbarousnesse they presse into the houses , where their dead bodies lay , before their funeralls , and thinking they could never be sure enough , of so great a guilt , they will not beleeve that they are dead , unlesse they force the houses to see the bodies of them whom themselves had murthered ; insomuch , that to avoyd further violence and rage of the citizens , they were faine to set open the doores where their bodies say , and expose them to the view of all , that so they might glut them●elves with beholding that sad spectacle which themselves had made . that the kings gracious offers of peace have beene sleighted , and rejected , with scorne , and con●empt , and his messengers that brought them , ( contr●ry to the law of armes , and nations ) impriso●ed ; that those miserabl● distractions , which have rent , and 〈◊〉 this flourishing kingdome , are so farre from being closed , that they are rather made wider , that the sword of warre , so long d●vouring , is not yet sheathed , except in one anothers bowells , that this kingdome is still made , the scene of marthers , rapines , oppression , and p●nderings , and whereon all the horrid acts of rage , and injustice are every day acted , and the nation put almost out of hope , ever to injoy her former peace , and plenty , is our fault and ours wholly : had not the heads of this rebellion beene anima●ed by this city , and incouraged by promises of more supplies of men , and mo●ies , they had long 〈◊〉 this layd downe their armes , and come with halters about their necks , and cast themselves at the kings feet , submissely begging those pardons , which they have presumptuously rejected : time was , when the two houses gave a law to the city , now it is come to that passe , that the city prescribes to the reliques of the two houses ; they must not conclude of warre or peace , without consulting the city ; if they doe , they reckon without their hoste . nay , though fairfax be utterly routed in the north , and william , once sirnamed conqueror , be totally defeated in the west , yet they can neither be perswaded , nor beaten into thoughts of peace : on the iuly last , no longer agoe , many thous●nds ( as the printed paper tells you ) preferred a petition to the house of commons , presented by m. norbury of the cursitors office , and iohn ha● an atturney of guild-hall , both pernicious men : which as it evidently shewes their obstinate aversion from peace , so it is the most desperate divellish slander , that ever yet durst looke the world in the face ; for first they tell the house of commons , and in them , the world , that the king without any touch of conscience , and in defiance of god , hath raised an army of papists , out-lawes , and traitors , for the robbing , burning , murthering , and destroying of his relgiious , honest , and well meaning people , and then knowing not onely their interest in , but their power over the house of commons , they doe not so much petition , as co●●and them to accept of their assistance , for the raysing a new army , and in expresse termes prescribe unto them , and limit them to a committee of their owne nomination , for the seizing and receiving of such summes , as the willing shall thinke fit to offer , or they shall thinke fit to extort from the ●●willing for this service : and that you may judge of the whole bunch , by some , they name pennington the pretended lord major , strode , one of the five members , harry marti● plunder-master-generall , and dennis bend burgesse of dorchester ▪ and p●●riarch whites owne disciple , a man of a double capacity to be a rebell , and finding themselves more alone in these undertakings then they did imagine , like desperate traitors , they call on the whole kingdome , a● one man according to the intent of the late covenant , to joyne with them in this rebellion . and having thus taken a course to raise new forces , on saturday the of iuly , at a common hall , they voted sir william waller , generall of their new intended army , whom to indeare the more , they interest him in the governement of the city , hoping that being as mad as his lady , he will hold up the rebellion , as long as he can , and then be one of the last to runne away : i meane not from battell , for in that hee shewed himselfe as forward as the foremost , but from iustice , and the due reward of his disloyalty . by all which it is most evident , that this languishing rebellion had before this day gasp'd its last , and given up the ghost , had not this rebellious city by its wealth , and multitudes , fomented it , and given it life . if therefore posterity shall aske , who broke downe the bounds , to those streames of blood , that have stained this earth ; if they aske , who made liberty captive , truth criminall , rapine just , tyranny and oppression lawfull : who blanched rebellion , with the specious pretence of defence of lawes , and liberties , warre with the desire of an established peace , sacriledge and prophanation , with the shew of zeale , and reformation : lastly , if they aske who would have pulled the crown from the kings head , taken the government off the hinges , dissolved monarchy , inslaved the lawes , and ruined their countrey ; say , 't was the proud , unthankefull , schismaticall , rebellious , bloody city of london , so that what they wanted of devouring this kingdome by cheating and couzening , they meane to finish by the sword . that therefore these dangerous defluxions , and continuall , not small distillations , but floods of men , money , ammunition , and armes descending from the head city , and metropolis of the kingdome , may not for ever dissolve the nerves , and luxate the sinewes of this admirably composed government : it will highly concerne this nation to looke about them , to undeceive themselves , and to consult their owne peace and safety , by joyning with their gracious soveraigne , in chastizing these rebellious insolences , & reducing this stubborne city either to obedience or ashes . yet that the world may not thinke , that this inundation of wickednesse wherein the divels of rebellion rage in the children of disobedience , hath involved all of us in the same disoyalty , let not ( good brother ) the name rusticus neither deterre you , ( as if it were a solecisme , to tell the murthers , robberies , plunderings , and other ou●rages , committed in the city , nor deprive us ( a handfull of faithfull subjects in comparison of the rebells , the puritans , brownists , and anabaptists ) of so great an opportunity , to justifie our innocence . let the country know , that we have been at the charges , to undoe , not onely them , but our selves too , the collosse which we have built , is fallen on the builders , the fire which we have kindled , devoures the bellowes which first blowed it up ; some of us repent of our fond credulity to be deceived , and fooled by the empty name of a parliament , god grant it be not too late ; yet how ever , let posterity know this too , that the king hath his martyrs in london , all are not in the country ; and to make this good , secretly ( as much as the close obstructions of the wayes of conveyance will permit ) you shall not faile of intelligence from your affectionate brother mercurius civicus . london , aug. . , notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- . the french hist. p. ● . hudibras the second part. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) hudibras the second part. butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. [s.n.], london : . in verse. a spurious continuation of butler's hudibras, published before he brought out his second part. written by samuel butler. cf. bm. reproduction of original in huntington library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - john latta sampled and proofread - john latta text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion hudibras . the second part. london , printed in the year , . the first canto . argument . we sing no further o th' disputes 'twixt knight , and squire , nor their confutes ; nor how by puissant trick , or chance , from chanted castle they advance ; since skill'd magicians know as well how to undo , as make the spell : nor yet of talgol , bruin , orson , whom writers say was but a whorson : but hudibras more strange adventures , that hitherto have hung on tenters . the may-pole . it happened at the time when oysters 'gan loose their operative moystures , when sol with heat did fill his car , and that the month did want an r ; which was before , or june , or july , when countrey placquets grow unruly : for , as the wise say , in august if one won't do 't , another must . when cherries hardly ripen'd , nod , and children for 'em venture rod ; when mother nature doth disperse her help to man , ( that universe ) when fresh blood empty veins supply , which suffer'd by phlebotomy ; that he who can the hill get o're , in hope to live is , scarce before , when midwife flora's newly seen in meadows gay , and gardens green , the pink , the primrose , tulip-flowre , ( off-springs of a quondam showre , ) with lily , violet and dazy , the merry-milk pales deck , which praise i , when barnes are freed from mice and rats , by madam owle , better then cats ; when with a garland to be crown'd , the sweaty hoofs do tare the ground ; and fidilero and pipero in every village peep , and peere ho ! when mortals feed on sage and butter , drink whey by quarts to make 'em squtt — and for the ladies of the season , prepared are green cheese and peason , with macquerels brought up in shoals , colon to fill of hungry soules ; and silla-bub , with lip-lov'd tanzy for roger , is prepar'd by nancy . when , as in landskips we discover in every shade , a lolling lover , with head on lap , of female wight , hand underneath her garment white , and she turns up her womanhood , whil'st pego forrages for food ; and surgeons put up in sheath cleans'd syringes for fall of leaf : at the same time i must not vary , jack met with gill , and mat with mary ; which was soon after , ( as 't is said ) mars had laid by his tool , and trade , and all was ready to bring in the maid with dimpled cheeks , and chin : when that the people might be free t' enjoy their ( juggl'd ) liberty , as then the bells at westminster did clapper-claw the countreys ear ; and ev'ry creeping thing on earth from cricket did incline to mirth ; nay , th' grand hectorian-olivero left ranting , and fell to primero , a game , he had long study'd , but as some do say , was hard put to 't , for others knew 't as well as he , and stickl'd for the mastery , all hectors of his only breeding , for they could pray , and lie exceeding , and such as now remain , do claim from those the vigour of that name : and follow all their wayes of plunder , only to hear , they pray , is wonder ; but for their lying are expert , and swearing they have got by heart ; there let it lie , like fatal dagger in peaceful sheath , until they swagger . and now to what we were about , which all this while we have left out . a jolly crew of lads well fitted , and buxome lasses , mother witty'd , met on a day , no matter what , in the same month it was , that 's flat ; and that it might not loose its name , they all prepared were for game ; which though the learned could not scan to be th' isthmean , or nemean , yet it a title had , and good , for , hocktide , may be understood ; and doth as clear construction carry as bess take tom , and joan take harry ; or tom take bess , and harry jone leap over sword , and it is done ; so the inducted market place clapt up at once , two babes of grace which never issue had , but what the peaceful — justice — parson got , for they all functions did supply , and into every hole could pry , had an instinctive art to strole if that the she-heast were with fole , were the states midwives , and could strain , more then could doctor chamberlain ; though he could dip , and pray , and preach , and fiery-pated squibb did teach , until he grew as quaint as he in their occult idolatry . and 't may be now and then could bite the buttock of a prosolite . but what was this ? a game at whist , unto our plowden-canonist , bewitcht into a power , by some that ner'e lov'd kent nor christendome , and hating all things orthodox did send religion to the stocks . in church refus'd to take the pains , but in the streets would ask the banes , and ceremonies , long allow'd , laid by , when they grew pint — proud , that master justice was declar'd the viccar to dog and bitch-yard , which brought in tythes as fast as hops , cerberus must be fed with sops ; and as the ancients have defin'd , so these were duly paid , in kind . without a suit in the exchequer , complaining they to noll were debtor . they took a surer course and way , peter knew how to make 'em pay , and thus these holy men of orders did ferk the fry of sodome borders : though tom want tool , and nell a nose , yet reconcil'd are in the close . there let 'em stink , to sweeten ( then ) my lines , pray whistle to my pen ; to minde me of the former matter , though not incongruent to the latter . then first to shew you what they were that met , observe each character , for , it is requisite we strow the way with flowers as they go : bushero height the twisters led , to whom he was both cap , and head , for neatness he was held the best , good reason , he could trim the rest . and in his calling was so rare , he fitted 'em unto a hair ; and er'e they for their progress met had given his shirt the somerset ; ( a tumbling word , and used much by men , professors to be such : ) in all things he was cap à pe , only his hose was out at knee , and doublet-elbow wanted clout , but there , you know , love will break out , and therefore time is vainly spent to patch up what must needs be rent : if any ding'd him on the lip , with that , quoth he , you may go snip : of person he was something squat , with ribbons hat-ban-neding-hat , he had some judgement in the gyttern , and master was of kitt and cyttern , which cythera sung to first , when she her god-babe cupid nurst . to follow him did shanco roame from ladies service newly come ; as finical for life as he , if that comparisons may be ! was drest with muffe and pantaloon , and in pocketto silver spoon , which slept secure , till cream and cake did waken it , for masters sake : he was of person pleasing tall , as streight as wand , but slimm withall ; he walk'd as though he trod on eggs ; and cat-sticks were suppos'd his legs : his body burthen'd was with points , which ty'd together all his joynts ; his eyes and legs kept time together , they danc'd , and mov'd you 'd wonder whither . such as ner'e understood the firk took him for piece of dutch clockwork ; he was the least beholding to the flesh , of any man you know . though he to it was mainly given , with him it ner'e made reck'ning even ; perhaps it may by some be thought he had as good return'd , as brought : but in that sense there 's nicity , which in this must avoided be , only it is confest he was his ladies limbeck ; his own ass . in breech of him , butlero came , with coquo , eager for the game . butlero did in napkin neat bring salt , and bread , and coquo meat : the one comptroller was o th' bin , the other of the good kitchin ; the only over-ruling pair that had to do below the stair : the one the merry bottles brought , t'other with limbs of capons fraught . which newly had ( without denial ) on gridiron past the fiery tryal , the parties equal-parted were , each did of eithers office share so lawyers ner'e fall out for fee among themselves , ka me , ka thee . butlero may be thought of kin to him that plaid o th' vyolin , and famous was for clownery , which city-wits call drollery : he could arthur of bradley do , the countrey-man , and courtier too , and had an insight in the city , inspir'd by those that then were witty ; from whom the thrifty-poet steals , to furnish beardw — for his meals . ours plaid to what he could not sing . an instrument without a string ; but let me not his judgement wrong , the tool did carry with 't a to●gue ; and by the hebrews was allow'd , as well as cymbal , or the crowd ; and by amphion playd upon , if ever he did play on one : now our butlero in good sooth could play on two from hand to mouth . coquo the tongs could finger well , and had a key for what i tell , th' invention was no easie task , it took its birth from the crand mask : the teacher had the happy fate to live in street call'd byshopsgate , and pity 't was ( he did so thrive ) he had not left his like alive . thus they to please their lasses do bring hither meat , and musick too : these were the heads , and now advances the gathers , or th' appurtenances , the first with hand , or tongue could sway the pamper'd d●●●des of asia , i mean not tamberlaine's the great , nor he that fell out of his seat , but masters his , of better blood , that fed not upon others food . sartoro brisk as body-lowse forsook his stall , annext to house , and though he was not worth a dodkin , wenches call'd him their standing bodkin . trituratoro good at flayl . as orsin erst at staffe and tayl , his skill in that did keep him safe , he could distinguish corn from chaffe . then molindario furl'd up sayl , the scornful wind had turned tayl , h' was held a man of judgement strong , or else his neighbours did him wrong ; he could into a mill-stone see , as far ( 't is said ) as any hee . lanio , and tergo neer ally'd , as calf to cow , or skin to hide , were next enranck'd ; pistoro stout as ever crab-tree threw about , not far behind ; his legs were small , but sure as bandy at the ball , the ancient poet heywood draws from ancestors of these his laws of dramma , to fill up each sceane with souldiers good , to please plebe'ne , and in those famous stories told the grecian warrs , and beauchamps bold . at distance some , thatchero came , approved martial to the game , in one hand dudgeon-knife he bore , the other gantlet-mittin wore , the hyroglyphick of bad musick did follow him , which made me spue-sick ; yet the belov'd malicious noyse attracted had whole scores of boyes armed with clubs and hideous sounds , as when they go to view the bounds of parish theirs , or as i 've known the pan-cake prentices come down on fritter-day , vice to abollish , and reverend-matron-baud demollish . then with majestick pace came on cartero , like diego-don , whistling forth rhetorick to the beast , his , which drew , of this discourse , the thesis , in wagon , anglice , dung-cart , lay pole so good , cut out by art , and ornamented with no less then ribbons given by doll , and bess , and others of the fairy-crew , of colours red , white , black , and blew , yellow , cinnamon , and green , here , and there , nose-gay between , likewise many a wedding garter , tickling lasses into laughter , for the thing above the knee seldome's seen , though felt it be : but no more of this , 't is fit that hereafter come not yet . on either side this early tryumph attended , tony , row - and ry-umph - sowgeldero ratratchero , cummultis aliis , sause fear ho ! th' lasses , like dyanae's troopers , came i th' rear with main and cruppers : meg , and kate , and doll , and joan , buxome lasses every one ; with pegs , and lett. and luce , and betty , for her face and foot call'd pretty ; moll , and sall , and nan , and frank , wenches free , and fat i th' flank : on agnes eve they 'd strictly fast , and dream of those had kist 'em last ; or on sr. quintius watch all night , with smock hung up , for lovers sight : some of the lawndry were ( no flashing ) that would not give their heads for washing ; others o th' chamber , and the dairy , all kept their arms free from the fairy : thus they pass through market-place , and to town-green hye apace , highly fum'd for hooktide games , yclip'd kingston super thames , where sir hudibras , invited to dinner was , but newly lighted : quoth he to self , i had before a stomack good , this stirs it more : had i best charge 'em before dinner ? no , quoth he , as i 'm a sinner : let 'em wait till i do come , charity begins at home : serve self first , the commonweal may stay till i have made my meal . and so he enters house , while rout to set up may-pole went about . the lasses too put helping hand to make the merry business stand . there let 'em rest a while , and now to hudibras the great kill-cow , who having on the creature fed , and drank far more then he had bled , he in a fury flung from table , and bid his man fetch steed from stable : some business of the state , quoth he , doth retrograde to manners me : however friend , and cosen narsey , for entertainment god-a-mercy . but er'e i go , a word or two with you bro. knight , and eke with you , for pairs of sirs , there were in sight , that had but little maw to fight ; of stomacks good , and had been able to serve king arthur at his table . one did command the cheshire forces , and had a face as round as horses ; his teeth were grown to the same length , and wanted nothing but in strength to passe for one , beasts know not theirs , and he was robb'd of his by fears ; his name did rumble like to thun - der - guilielmo knight sir b — ton . the other was of last edition , a justice too upon petition : he pretty well could understand the penal laws at second hand , for he a clerk had that might pass for an intelligible ass . after sir hud . discovered had by whispers consequences bad . so brother knights , they streight array themselves , and horses , and away : each trusty twible ties to side , fury conducter was and guide . they course on with might and main . 'till they came in sight of train , who had newly fixt their pole , which vext 'em to their very soul , round about it some were frisking , others on the grass as brisking ; most in mirth , set hand to labour , tongs , and gridiron , trump , and tabor , cytern , with a voice as lewd , rhimes too were but lately stewd in brain-pan , and set to tune the cuckow rants in may and june , for lovers sake , while thus they sport , sir hudibras does call a court consisting of three knights , three squires , that long before had left their sires , to seek adventures , and attended the sequel now , which is not ended . quoth hudibras , what 's best to do ? six heads is better far then two . the romans did more glory gain , by living citizens , then slain , and brave cyneus with a word did conquer more then perhus sword. shall we with smooth caresses go and soften flinty hearted foe ? or if then bow , had rather break , defie 'em , and not poorly sneak ? but try what fortune will allow to edge of sword , and potent blow , for points in fights knight-errantry were still rebated , that you 'l see in writs of yore ; let rumours cease dissention breeds , i 'm of the peace . quoth justice then , and of the town else i 'd not value a crackt crown : more then pins head , i think it meet with wisdoms lore the crew to greet , the safter weapon of the two and will not make so much ado ; then quoth sir hudibras i le spare your braines the labour to ensnare their wits and wills , quoth then sir guill — were my troop here i 'd not stand still , courage quoth hudibras , and now wit shew thy self , or weapon , thou ; then cicero my tongue adapt or strenthen arm thou mighty capt — so on they jog , and with an eye well read in modern policy the numerous crew they do behold with patience strong and courage bold . and soon sir hud . doth them accost but all in vain , his labours lost , he moves to them with sober speech , and strokes his beard while they turn breech ; quoth he , you males , for to the shee s , i 'le offer nothing shall displease , how durst you set up ( sans advice ) a may-pole of ungodly size for height it may amaze the people , and streighter is then grantham steeple ; which states-men do conclude upon might ferk the whore of babylon ; have you to scoure a scurvy cliffe brought gyants toole from teneriffe ossa or pelion ? no , quoth tergo , 't is for the sisters , ruth and pergo and such as follow covinticle , no brother has a toole so mickle , monstra morendum quoth sir hud — what are you men of flesh , or wood ? will you in spight of ordinance , a whorish stallion thus advance ? where are your scences , pray look to 't , have we not struck at branch and root ? and ta'ne the smock from off the whore , yet will you aggravate us more ? quoth lanio , hence thou weasel , rat , that scarce durst look in face a cat , who sent for thee ? what mak'st thou here ? and these thy chitterlings so neer ? whence com'st thou , from what nasty sinck didst thou creep forth , to prate and stink ? depart in peace , or by this truncheon , thy beastly back i 'le raise a bunch on , bigger then that thou bear'st , ner'e grudge it , 't shall taken be for tinkers budget . can nature monsters such afford , that will not hear from man a word ? quoth hudibras , more deaf then adder to common sense , to make me madder ? and in the face of justice too ! sword keep to me , as i 'le to you , quoth then sir jus. my brothers both , to agravate the case i 'm loth , because these all my neighbours are , and you my worthy friends , and dear , an even hand i mean to carry , in weighty matters must be wary . he spit , and then he spake , quoth he , my friends , as many as there be , i hope it is no bad advice , to bid all be merry and wise ; i need no farther learning borrow , then sawcy mirth will bring , or sorrow : and though for number we seem fools , 't is dangerous meddling with edge tools : and here are mighty men and strong , whose arts are in the army sung . root up your pole , remove it hence , and let your own homes be your fence . for i 'm impowred by commission , to force you from this lewd condition . quoth shanco ( quaintly ) mr. justice , upon our strength , not you , our trust is , with wit , or weapon , choose you whether , or one , or both , or altogether ; we are resolv'd , and so have at ye , if words won't do 't , by jove wee 'l pat ye . i am the lasses champion , then be safe , and get you back agen . well said core shanco , quoth tonsore , i 'le second thee upon that score . awake , quoth hudibras , thou fox : hold , quoth sir guill . i hate these knocks : the people will be mollifi'd if that the lord be on our fide . scarce had he spoke , er'e stratagem ( by shanco laid ) surrounded them , but by stout molindario led , whose very looks did speak 'em dead . what mean you then , quoth hudibras ? fie on 't , this 't is to be an ass , and leave my instruments of danger at six and sevens , rack and manger : but tom , ( speaking to doughty squire ) this is thy fault , or i 'm a lyer . now valour must be brought on knees to rascal rout , and their pedees . down with that maggot quoth the boyes : children to school , and leave your noyse . quoth justice good , how comes it thus you hem us in , may'nt we untruss ? my little body can't contain , quoth hudibras , my spirit main , i 'le run the hazard : knock him down cries one , as soon as said 't is done . sir guill . did shew his teeth , but durst not bite , though he had mastiffs nurst . the ground was burthen'd with the groanes of knights , and squires , these pitions ones ; and how to rid 'em thence was thought , coltstaffes with quick dispatch were brought , on which they hoysted were , and so convey'd to town , who durst say no ? where they were met with mocks and laughter , their horses , as rank beasts , sent after . the second canto . argument . the knights retir'd their case condole , big with revenge as mare with fole , consult the means , but can't agree , part , and put up th' indignity . knights two , to wit , sir hudibras , and guill . leave town and further pass , their squires attend ; encounters meet in journeys-road , yclipped street . where on thae next day kept was fair , then doth ensue what happen'd there . sir hudibras ( though fortune had with wry-mouth flouted him ) grew mad , and nothing else would serve his turn to quench the rage in him did burn , but a full goblet of french wine was dulcifi'd with sugar fine ; which having guzzell'd down gullet , he thought on speech , and then he spet the clear preserver of his wit for that , being salt did season it . quoth he , i was a thirst indeed , now brothers , pray do you proceed : i 'm sure you shar'd in blows and beating , a julip's good after a heating . he wipes , and then he hulminates , words that through ear late penetrates , shall we , quoth he , sit down with loss , and faintly go by weeping cross ? shall we with patience take their frumps , and heads revengeless go for bumps ? given by the hand of wreaking foe , what er'e you think , i think not so . shall triumph revel in their smiles , our courage pinion'd all the whiles ? shall we besotted be with beating , and bury honour by retreating ? honour that 's not so cheaply bought as eggs that to your markets brought . but is the purchase of the daring , that will not of their blood be sparing . rally for shame then , let 'em know , we scorn to flinch for knock or two . and now ( good omen ) i have got my pistols , that i then had not , which careless squire did leave behind , i would he had been beaten blind . quoth justice , you want charity , bro. knight , sir hud . assuredly , for true it is ( or else blame me ) when men are blind they cannot see . quoth hudibras , is there no way to put a period to this day by conquest ours ? where art thou pate ? or thus — or thus — no , now i have 't : to th' parliament with speed i 'le send , where i have got a special friend . hold , quoth sir guill . bro. hudibras , i have it here , and it shall pass ; bring ink and paper , i 'le dispatch letters to nantwich , where my match - less troop doth quarter ; come they hither , they 'd tear these rogues ears , though of leather quoth hudibras , 't is trick of clown , to take one up before he 's down ; yours is the work of half a year , and my design does lie but here a stones throw off , but twenty mile , and may be done while one does pile a load of wood. i think not so , quoth justice then , though much i know . yes upon motion of my friend , quoth hudibras , i know they 'l send , either a company , or troop , shall make these stubborn rascals stoop , but good sir bro. quoth justice , sir , what will their coming here infer ? 't is true , that after beef comes musterd , when belly 's full , then bring in custerd : in plain , the proverb 's good i swear , they 'l come a day after the fair ; or as ( of yore ) the learned clerk it , will come at th' end of a bad market ; at end of feast i cannot say ; but after fray i justly may . then ( undet favour ) brother knights , yout reasons are not in the rights ; you from nantwich do draw design , and you fetch yours beyond the line , for here , or there , 't is call'd all one , the line of communication . and the wise parliament thought fit we should be neighbours to their wit. sir guill . i cannot reach your sense , nantwich is many miles from hence , and yours i 'm sure doth lye as far as kingstone is from westminster , you say they 'l come , i ask you when ? you say to morrow . and what then ? i do respond , before they come the foe is gone , each wight's at home , so that your councel is no more , " then steed being stoln , shut stable dore . the red-coats come , and simply see a goodly field , and long pole-tree : perhaps they 'l reak revenge on wood , but what will that do out heads good ? that ake with blows , and our bones more , will that be salve for every sore ? did paracelsus ever make plaisters of chips for valours sake ? or will ( by simpathy ) the blows and hacks on pole be felt by foes ? you may as well say , strike me brother here , and at york 't shall lite on t'other . i need not further wrack my brains , ( and 't may he little thank for pains ) to bring comparisons , save this which was said of diogenes , when he was told that one spoke ill of him behind his back , it will , quoth he , not hurt me if he do , when i 'm not present beat me too . so to as little purpose were these men thought on , should combat air , and like the king of france his men , march up the hill , and down agen . more i could say , but let it rest , the birds at night will fly to nest : what that infers your selves may judge , i have too long been reasons drudge . quoth hudibras , must we passe by so grand an open injury ? render'd the scorn and sport of clown , and table-talk for all the town ? we that have seen death in the field , and made the surly fellow yield ; we that through dangers mouth have met the foe , and ner'e the worse for 't yet , i mean the common enemy , the bold and daring cavalry . we can't deny but the base clubs of this rude rout have given us rubs , which will remain a day or two on sides , in colours black and blew ; and ' gainst our wills are forc't to wear 'um , those that did give 'um , old nick take 'um , can you , sir jus . so tamely take this cudgel-combat , and not make the very basis of the town to tremble at your awful frown ? is justice lame as well as blind , crippl'd in power as well as mind ? can you send begger to the stocks , and have no punishment for knocks ? knocks in a most malign sence , that will admit of no pretence ? were you commissionated harry , or are you supernumerary , to wit , one that may be imploy'd when others are with service cloy'd ? if you the thing it self assume , in your own strength you may presume , and by attractive vertue draw obedience to you , brat o th' law : pitchforks and prongs will soon appear . when that sir justice is in fear . oblige your interest , neighbours raise , my honour then will bear the bayes : and that you may not want a man resolved , know i 'le head the van , you and sir guill , bring up the rear , i hope y' are not ill placed there . sir hud . and bro. i must confess , not willingly i 'de aqui-ess . quoth justice , sir , but as i pearch at reason , and her intrails search , i know there 's no good to be done , either with father , or with son : the case is alter'd now , quoth ployden , which is asserted by each hoyden : when danger did attend our gates we did not fear to venture pates , but now we have no enemie , unless among our selves they be , pray who do they then impeach , if you into the sense will reach ? they plead to have their sports restor'd , for which they had the senates word , and trusted to 't as much , jack saith , as tom did to the publique faith. now they instead of being protected in their pastimes , are detected , disturb'd , molested , put in fear , which is a sessions matter , hear me brother knights , 't is counted pacem terrorem too , if you will trace 'em , to wit , the cynicks of the law , who in this case will find a flaw for palm of fist , without good friends , or money , which makes all amends . but i digresse ; of this no more , to what i should have said before my puupose is ; the promise root to all their hopes laid under foot ; by whom ? who did it violate , one that 's a servant to the state , quoth pro and con ; that justice i , my conscience speaks it , which won't lye ; and so for service yours , unsought , i 'm into a priminure brought . excuse me brother knights , god knows i 'm well contented with my blows , if you be so , for said my sire , the burnt child ever dreads the fire , and i was but an asse , some hint , at first to have a finger in 't . send mittimus , then quoth sir guill . as i would do , had i my will. a mittimus , quoth justice then , for what , wherefore , for whom , and when ? exponere . and who shall serve it ? let such have beating that deserve it . the constable , nor tything-man will do 't , if they avoid it can : besides , did justice er'e obtrude a mittimus on multitude ? and your own eyes have seen that i , who am above it , they defie ; for all conclude , ( or else they 'r fools ) the workman's better then his tools . in brief , ( for brevity's the best to such will not here out the rest ) i 'm confident , and dare aver , not one man on our side will stir . the remedy we have is this , bought wit is best ; nor is it miss applyed here , which bids be wary of such who are ubiquitary . quoth hudibras , why brother jus . i wonder you should cackel thus : has the hen trod you ? is your comb cut , and no cock at dunghil-home ? prevaricate , turn cat in pan , be lesse then beast , yet seem a man. do you wear beard , and want a face to add a credit to your place ? too much , the proverb now should hit in you , to have more hair then wit : the romans shav'd themselves so clean , the face of justice might be seen ; but you obscure it with a grove , where maggots nest in neighbour-love : or like the creeping syrian king , when he with beasts went a banquetting . what strange coherence doth bewitch your worships nose to plow-mans breech ? i do request your learned noddle , tell me what 's that in pan you coddle ; for brains you have not ( i suppose ) unless they drop out of your nose . are you a magistrate per se , or insufficientem te ! to which o th' nounes do you incline ? your gender sure 's not masculine : rather the doubtful , like long megs , and scarce can stand on your own legs : the sword on shoulder was mis-laid , when kneel down gent. rise knight was said : and he that made thee justice-dasher did spoil ( sir reverence ) a good thrasher . nay , quoth sir guill . i promise you , bro. hud . something he said was true , and now for councel well may pass , though one would take him for an ass , not to run farther into th' briers , is all that his advice requires : and truly , unlesse we were stronger , i think 't not safe to stay here longer . quoth then sir justice , 't is all one to me , to stay , or to be gone ; but i think packing is the the best , for beating this , is but earnest to after payments that will follow , when as the rout triumphs ; and hollow , if you at good advice will rave , abuse your friends when none you have : take pepper in nostrello when you want a box to put it in ; i care not a fleas-biting for all your great din , pudder , and stir ; and as a wiser then you all did speak in house beyond the hall , if without cause you angry be , be pleas'd without amends for me : and since all words are held but wind , your girdles buckle turn behind : i 'le not be bug beard at the word of colonel cramp , or wise sir turd , i 've seen a knight ere i saw you quoth hudibras , scarce one so true ; mine currant and of older stampt then thine that is but lately vampt , mine will be lasting , thine decay , the more 's your shame , as i may say . quoth justice then , for one may see you 're cobler but in heraldry ; and if i don't mistake my note , you basely have abac'd your coat ; for he can be no childe of honour , that shall for favours spurn at th' donor : as for my part ( though mine were latter ) i shall stick still to the first matter , i will obedient be to powers that are above me , not to yours ; and in my neighbours love will dy , i value not wherefore , nor why . quoth hudibras , to horse , a curse upon this town , malignants nurse , and doth derive part of its name from whom ( at first ) tyranny came . may darkness seize upon your dwellings , that have eclips'd my high excellings ; may all your wives be leapt by clown , and your fine bread be turn'd to brown ; may all your cattel dye o th' rot , and not a piece be had for pot , or spit ; and may your children mutter , when kine want milk , and they want butter . quoth justice then , thou art no christian , a turk , or jew , or tribe philistian : get to thy crew , from hence for shame , least on thy back light all the blame . so part they did with anger eager as frowns on brows , and visage meager : the squires were call'd from tipling-cell , not dreaming of what had befel ; armed with liquor male they stride thir sturdy steeds , and on they ride ; leaving sir justice out of peace , fretting , and melting in 's own greace ; and unto town , famous for hogs , butchers , and their like , mastiffe-dogs ; and for a witch that once liv'd there , not unlike falstaffe in shakespeare ; but more for fight , when londoneers in thames were dipt or'e head and ears , and some limbless in carts were sent , as presents unto parliament , which made a foul house , and no doubt was ill resented when smelt out ; thither they haste , but in their way , latet in anguis ; some rubslay . at distance mile from town there stood an amphitheatre of wood , back'd pretty strong , a form or bench , where sat sir capon and his wench ; a plank for stage some five yards high , ( with curtain most conveniently . ) on which sir hud . whose eyes were walking , perceiv'd a fellow gape , or talking , sometimes expanding arms , then clutch his fists , or point to thumb , as much , his head was in perpetual motion , his eyes the same , to put off lotion , and tongue he had more swift then jack , which alwayes ran knick knack , knick , knack , for through his teeth such jangling went , as one would think his gums were wrent : spectators many stood before to see the knacks he had in store , with algate-mouths , saracens ear , they gape to taste , as mad to hear . on either side of theater were plac'd two tubs of sturdy beer , and wenches , that for novelties , sold ginger-bread , and pudding-pies , which fodder was unto the cattel , as when train-band do enter battel : this made the knights and squires to pawse a while , and sift into the cause : what can this mean , quoth hudibras to knight sir guill . must we not pass ? does courage so adapt my blade , that multitudes do ambuscade ? day thou art fatal , yet bright honour shall say i still will wait upon her ; be bold , troop up , defie the foe ; hold , quoth sir guill . i say not so ; observe you not you ' man of zeal , a blest tipe o th' common-weal , with held up hands , and devout eyes , he doubtless is at exercise , his faculties in labour are , to feed the soul even through the ear , a work of grace he is a doing , then soberly let us be going ; curb in the reins of wicked horse , and pace like men that have remorse , for ah , alack no blows controul as words , that cudgel do the soul , for they , like to achilles speare , both wound and heal , or i 'm not here . so on they amble to the place , where monsieur spake with a boon grace ; begar me kill you all , an den presan make you alive agen ; wi dis me do all de gran cure , de pock , de scab . de calenture ; me make de man strong , pour de wench . ( then riseth capon from the bench ) look you me now , do you no see dead yesterday , now live day be , four boon , dey leap , dey dance , dey sing , may foy , an do de toder ting : begar good medicine do all dis . capon makes legs , and wench doth kiss , take hands , and throw their legs about . then hudibras disturbs the rout : quoth he , what do you come to see , a pandor shew his harlotry ? then forth of holster doth he take his fatal engine , to awake his long slept anger ; ' mongst 'em them ( with courage would serve twenty men ) he rusheth , makes the rabble fly ; monsieur doth quarter , quarter cry ; and capon ( but for wenches teathers ) had been hung up in his own feathers : the suttlers lay as they were dead , to see their drink so murdered ; hot custard , piping-pudding-pie , on gods cold earth at distance lie ; the knights and ladies sunder'd are , in ginger-bread united were : but th' squires did in pocketto put some pudding-pies , as good for gut. the rout dispers'd , quoth hudibras , brother sir guill . and squires , the face of fortune now is wheel'd about , she doth assist the bold and stout ; i knew er'e ev'ning did close in we should be conqnerours , and win ; perseverance doth make the man inclin'd to warr a champion ; diffidence and distrust confound , and bury honour under ground : to take one wound , and fear another , makes man but valours bastard-brother ; in all brave fights with courage born , ev'nings prove better then the morn : in triumph squires lead on to town , we have recover'd our renown . the third canto . argument . the victors all their pris'ners carry through town to castle , and there tarry , which pilgrims us'd in times of yore to call an inn , and shew'd wherefore ; there they in councel sit , and do examine quack , capono too , nor doth the wench escape their reach , they in her cote do find a breach . but in the close ( without controul ) they prisoners passe on their paroul . then new adventures they do seek 'mong butchers rude , and puppets meek . unhappy is the wight that has to do with mighty hudibras , whose courage no rebating knows , for he drives on , and calls for blows , and like the daring scithian shepherd , keeps sword from rust , till all are pepper'd , or in the sanguine liquour stew'd issuing from pagan multitude , though fortune on his side may frown at first , at last her pride comes down , which he takes up , and swells his sails with glorious nihils , empty gales : so have i known some courtiers want bread , more then ever did pesant , upon the turning of the wheel , preferment made their reason reel , and slight those from whom helps they had ; success , and money make men mad ; money that loyalty out-braves , keeps back the honest , brings in knaves , puts fellows principl'd in treason in power and trust ' gainst sense and reason , replyes to all things , rhimes to honey , ask what 's a clock , 't is answer'd money . go to 'em but to speak about , some business , streight the hand 's held out , which signifies you must prepare , before your matter meet their ear ; like half-starv'd wretches ( come to meat ) do covet more then they can eat : or as the proverb bids you mark , the priest forgets he er'e was clark. sir hudibras , whose great prowesse aims at the more , forgets the lesse , troops on with all his captiv'd train in state , much like to tamberlain , for he , his conquest to compleat , chains monsieur quack like bagazet , and at horse tayl he doth attend , like one made for no other end ; with head on side of neck , he goes , his vessels leaking , eyes and nose , his antick motions are forgot , he moves as though he moved not ; nor can you blame him thus to faulter , no dog but would abandon halter ; and he well knew there was no trick in reading , or practice chymick , after a hanging to cure gullet , and set it right to swallow pullet : capono and his damsel brought up rear , with sorrow fully fraught , his countenance betray'd him loth to be disht up amidst white broth , and doubted much to have his book , he knew he had a hanging look . the damsel lookt like one neer dead , but comforted by ginger-bread , and now and then with pudding-pie , tender'd by squires ( some reason why ) for as taylors preserve their cabbage , so squires take care of bag and baggage . vesper appear'd , and sol was down , when hudibras did enter town : quoth he , bro. guill . observe the sun , envying the glories we have won , is gone to bed , and in meer spight shadows our trophies with the night ; but er'e he has ta'ne nap or two wee 'l rouze him with atchievements new , bleeding like herrings in their gills , and fresh too , or wee 'l want our wills : so over lake , anglice kennel ( which had a stronger scent then fennel ) they unto gate ( beyond it ) past , famous ( when shut ) for being fast . quoth knight to squires , go one of you , no matter which , you are but two , and ask who keeps this garrison , i mean the house , but 't is all one . your words , quoth squire , shall be obey'd great hudibras , ( just so he said ) before the turning of a teaster , or bate me of an egg at easter . whoop , quoth the squire , where are you ho ? a language he was verst into , for he had travell'd many a mile , and was not now to seek his stile . at last ostlero did appear , whose nose did scent the beasts were near : quoth he , why bring you not down lights for squires so good , and eke for knights ? quoth squire , first take in care our horses , and then you may rally your forces . with hand as useful quacks sirrops , ostlero streight takes hold on stirrops , and leads the palfryes to the stable , where he did do what he was able to beasts , for he and they were kin , however they were now drawn in . mean while was chamberlano call'd ; he came , and ask'd for what they bawl'd , for he was ready for all squabbles , having been beat ( it seems ) at tables . quoth hudibras , where wert thou bred ? wilt thou not stand us now in sted ? wearied with doing mighty things , spent the whole day in bickerings , these are the guordeons of our toil , our purchase and our lawful spoil . quoth then sir guill . oh fie , good brother , let us like christians love each other . but every like is not the same , quoth hudibras , you are to blame , you will be twittering like the drill , yet insignificant be still . quoth he , these are meer infidels . begar you lye ( quoth monsieur ) else , softly to self , as who should say , he would speak more were he away . quoth hudibras , shew up to room , for they shall soon receive their doom . quoth chamberlano , after banging i think them hardly worth the hanging ; yet i presume they may be try'd well , and sent to place yclipsed bridewell . thou hitt'st it right , quoth hudibras , and so they unto chamber pass , the fairest in the place , you may believe whatever others say ; in length it was full fourteen yards , in breadth some twelve , measure , richaurds ; the floor , for comers , strew'd with rushes ; chimney set out with boughs and bushes ; the walls , instead of tapistry , were hung about with history , as those of the prodigal son , and judgement just of solomon , in capitals most fairly writ , to take the eye , and help the wit ; upon the ceiling one might see clouds of mens names in candlery , who had been patrons to the place , and penny spent in putting case ; in window laid was lavendare , of which the cushions smel most rare , with pots of flowers very pleasing to put a man into a sneezing : in midst of room a table stood , which certainly was made of wood ; the superfices of it was a carpet , which for green may pass t' avoid disputes , but to say true , it might as well be ta'ne for blew , or any colour else , or none at all , hower'e 't shall pass for one , richly strip'd o're with dregs of ale , which from o're-charg'd cups seldom faile , and here and there you might discry a breach made by the enemy , who from mundungoes took its name , and wastes it self in smoak and flame , whose ashes fatal are to cloth , linnen , or woolen , all , or both : on each side table placed were stools joynted , and at end a chair , which was for worshipful , so please , but all was for the buttocks ease : and lights in sticks some place did fill there , some say were tin , but bright as silver : at end of room a bed did stand , whose posts were carv'd by cunning hand , faces good store , but ne're a nose , and legs too , without feet , or toes , which either came by some disaster , or else he was not his arts master ; and yet perhaps he did express the art he had in ugliness ; for to do things exactly ill must needs shew ( though not judgement ) skill : about the teaster of the bed , and so on that they call the head , were painted batts ( like cherubs ) flying , to comfort souls when they are dying . but rouze my muse , y 'ave been too long upon the bed , pursue your song ; for clio ( as some authours ken ) doth sing the worthy deeds of men ; so all this while , it may be sed , we have been singing knights to bed : therefore no harm to ears that have no mind to hear , nor those that crave . and now we come unto the point , by this time squires had truckt for joint of mutton , or some wholsome food , which they knew was for body good , and brought up word unto the knights , who bid withdraw awhile yon' wights , pointing to prisoners , who stood gaping , as damsel did , who long'd for japing , a word the gipseys much affect , and held by these in like respect ; eor they have travell'd north , and south , with it , and tenant is to mouth , which though they throw out now , and then , they entertain with joy agen ; but er'e the creature was brought up ; or that the knights had ta'ne a sup , on these main words , put case , and whether , the knights condogg'd , knockt jolls together , at last for private reasons they did think it fit the wights should stay ; for held it was a point of state , that prisoners should on table wait . after a hem , sir hudibras bespake and said , alas , alas ! begar , quoth monsieur , here be none , me scorn your vards begone . there 's no such haste , then quoth sir guill . our enmity is not so ill to have you loose part of the supper , and therefore stay : marry come up here ; quoth hudibras , must you be treated , whom we but lately have defeated ? begar ( quoth quack ) vid all mine heart me take de supper in good part ; me be no angry vid dat , dough me be mad at me know vat . then chamberlano cloth did lay , which had not seen sun many a day , and salt sat down with little losse , its cell . was part of charing-crosse , in equipage most formidable all things were fitted for the table . then hudibras bid all be bare , lend ear to grace ( but none was there ) his eyes and hands did make dumb shows , his tongue ( too ) and his very nose ; but this fume did not last him long , his stomack to the meat was strong : quoth he , give trenchers to the wretches , let them attend while colon stretches . ma foy , me understand no dis , quoth quack , trencher in hand a , pis bougra shack-dog , me serving man , dat in de pock have de largent . oh have you so , quoth hudibras , wee 'l see anon if it will pass ; sit down , and let your servants eat with squires so good , wee 'l leave 'em meat . four boone begar , 't is all a mode , quoth quack , poor men travel de rode. so they fall to 't with teeth and knives , and throw about 'em for their lives , they little leisure had to prate , and so avoided all debate , to wit , had stomacks like to horse , and had not time to find discourse ; they did so pay shoulder a mutton , that morsel scarce was left there uppon for squires , and charge , whose looks so meager declar'd that they to eat were eager quoth hudibras , squires take away , victual your camps , but do not stay long by 't ; and hear me , send up pease , they will our appetites appease ; dispatch , for business great ( you know ) effect we must er'e sleep we do : so down go squires , and into room , where hogo did from stable come ; they put capono and his wench where neither stool was , nor yet bench , but forms a couple by good hap , and table too , ( to take a snap ) some four foot high , and two yards long , with legs of wood supported strong : and therefore authors say the word implies ( in very truth ) a board : there us'd tapstero , and ostlero , to play at putt for cans of beer , ho ; on board , or table , was set down the burthen'd dish with meatless bone ; and streight out of the kitchin popt a wench , that had in dripping sopt ; 't is true , her hands were not so white as theirs that lie in gloves all night ; no matter though some speak 'em foul , she was a good condition'd soul , and meerly in good will did bring a clout , sh 'ad newly been wrinsing , after it serv'd had dish and pot , and came from dresser reaking hot : oh fie ( quoth she ) are you without a cloth , then down she dropt her clout , and spreaded it to best advantage ( in cloath sometimes there may be scantage ) and so they fell to picking bone , which was snatcht at by every one , with many a wink-contrived-slip , and happy he could get a snip , only for damsel carv'd was knuckle , and she as stoutly with 't did buckle ; quoth squires , are there no peason left for us , who are with hunger cleft ? hunger you know is very keen , or ( as some have it ) sharp , which e'ne will break stone walls through ; then what hath man to defend him , who 's but lath ? quoth squire , come bring us ( and then drinks ) onions and cheese to fill up chinks ; which they chop down with far more ease then dogs ( in summer ) snap up fleas . i might say something of the becks , the winckings , and their counter-checks , simprings , and treading on the toes , excuses ( too ) to pluck a rose , which ( for squires sake ) distressed dam - sel us'd to make , when loose i th' ham ; but i conceive they will advance matter enough for some romance ; so i acquit my self the pains that do attend those busie-brains ; and unto hudibras , who now summons his wits , and knits his brow , crosses the proverb ( like a gull ) grows angry when his belly 's full , stroaks up his forehead with a grace , and looks hat-lining in the face , mutters a word or two to self , then calls , where 's chamberlain that elf ? to clear the board , or tapster , he may do the office if need be : and so about the room he struts , like him that newly fill'd had guts ; or as 't is said of crow in gutter ; his arms like wings about did flutter : he rubs his elbow , then his pate , calls up the squires , quoth he , 't is late , and bid 'em bring with them their charge , my word is a mandamus large enough ; all consultations are ripest at night , as th' romans were ; the mornings dew the poets suck , that makes 'em poor ( the worser luck ) their friend aurora doth inspire their fancies but with early fire , not well grown up , a fainting light , when weighty matters require night , and in the states-mans cabinet , we therefore will in councel set . but here sir hudibras mistook , and went a mile beside his book , for he that is a poet right doth court the morn , and weds the night : and such as have the happy fate to steer a stage , can steer a state. the squires at call obedient were , and to their arms did soon repair ; the prisoners were conducted up , after they 'd ta'ne a lusty sup of knocking ale , though liquor muddy , it in their cheeks rais'd colours ruddy . quoth hudibras , drawneerer you , and you jack-daw get to your crew , speaking to quack . be me shack-daw ? ( quoth he ) you be shack-nape , pishaw — me no care dis — begar me be a gentlehome in mine countrey , me tell you dat , better den you , vat den ? may foy me speak de true . quoth hudibras , thou sawcy wight , compare how dar'st thou with sir knight ? him , into whose more powerful hands confiscate are thy life and lands , as thou shalt see , soon after tryal sentence shall passe without denyal . so he surveighs the room , and where solomon painted was sets chair , and seats self in 't ; quoth he , before we handle th' matter shut the dore , and snuffe the candles , they burn dim : the squire with haste obeyed him . then hudibras bid 'em sit down at tables end , and mind their own , which was their armes ; then frown he threw at prisoners , might have made them spew their suppers up , but when he saw it had no power upon their maw , he finds another way , and blisters sir guillielmo's ears with whispers ; at fingers ends he pleads their cases , ( the ancient way us'd by arbaces : ) and as his head and fingers plaid , quoth capon , sure he 's of our traid ; mark , master , if he can refrain to shew in part legerdemain ; i , now again ; he do'st with ease , and has more roguish tricks then these ; fear not , i warrant we are quit , hang him , he has a pestilent wit , sudden as thunder ( that soures beer ) as lowd too ; he bids wretches hear , for now his anger is grown hot , and a fools bolt is soonest shot ; ) are you asham'd to shew your faces ? then to the brown cow turn your arses , ( a military word much us'd in scotland , though by some abus'd , and signifies to face about , true , we might here have left it out : ) he riseth from his chair , and straight fills it again , to shew his state ; supports his whiskers with fore-finger , bites thumb , instead of candi'd ginger , which , if you dare to take my word , at that time house could not afford , but don de fogo ( by relation ) speaks it a sign of indignation , a menacement unto the foe , and it may well be taken so , from hence the ancient proverb comes , the angry man will eat his thumbs : but in another sense we find the matter of a different kind , as when o're coward one prevails , he swears hee 'l make him eat his nails , yet seriously consider'd , we find not the sense to disagree , for nail to thumb 's a noted friend , and holds out to the very end , so that if nail a sufferer be , the thumb must share by simpathy : so much for that , and now to him ycliped hudibras the grim , and yet hee 'l smile , but then beware , for sure it is against the hair ; quoth he , 't is fit we should take care ( imprimis ) to know what you are , from whence you came , and what you do in england , not a place for you , we have no vagrant people here , but what are punisht most severe , and if you do transgress our laws , you are condemn'd for the same cause . your lex ( quoth quack ) me no concern , vat's dat to dee ver me vas born , me be no esham'd of mi countree , me be a frenshman de parree , 't is no four boon to use me dus , ven anglond be in league vid us . that makes not for you a bare word , quoth hudibras , so thumpt the board with fist as hard , as who should say , what mischief 's this , would it were day , for arguments grew on apace , and so did night , put case to case ; if theft or murder you commit , quoth he , pray , who shall pardon it ? th' offence done here ? good mr. blus - ter , must not th' mercy come from us ? begar ( quoth quack ) me be no sush man , me travell'd swed . ital. and dushland , nay par ma foy all de varld o're , and me ner'e vas serv'd dus before . quoth hudibras , what made you to about you call so base a crew of tag and rag , lew'd hair-brain'd fellows , many of them deserving gallows ? this will be found an insurrection , to which the law denyes protection ; in time of peace to raise a rude and giddy-headed multitude , to break the peace — no , no , begar ( quoth quack ) you break a de peace vid var , you draw de sword , and cock de pistall , come down sa , sa , ven dey ver whist all , begar you break a de peace me say . quoth hudibras , an asse will bray , and so dost thou ; i tell thee , this crime is indictable , that ' t is . ditable ! vat be dat ? quoth he , me no it understand , fi , fi . quoth hudibras , what do we know but you come here to stir up foe ; to set the needy cavaleers and us together by the ears , that money have , which they do want , and for't will fight like tarmagant , and so our valours be upbraided , and every road be ambuscaded ; this we interpret may a plot to raise a new warr , is it not , bro. guill . ? now he of speech was slow , because he would not his teeth show , and to avoid the carping might upon his words and judgement light , which shew'd his wisdom , and intent , by silence still to give consent ; for the best way to shun dispute , is to say nothing , or be mute . so on sir hudibras proceeds , and agravates quack's foul misdeeds , so high , and with so strong a sence , you 'd wonder it should come from thence . begar ( quoth quack ) you be strange man in de varl , your vit do range ; me tell you one , two , tree , fore times , me be no born here in your climes , me be de frenchman , profess phissick , me cure de pock , de cough , de tissick , de ish , de gout , the ash in bones , and me begar can cut your stones . how 's that ? quoth wrathful hudibras , that word shan't unrevenged pass : a purse ( too ) can you cut ? quoth he , and pick a pocket if need be ? or are employ'd by those that do , to draw the main end up , the crew ? me no endure dis ting , nor dat , quoth quack , come hedder , shew de pat. capon , vid hands of approbation from de college , pour , tolleration , from potentates , and mighty princes , dat in de varld de like not sure is . quoth hudibras , oh is it so , you kill , cum privilegie ; ensnar'd you are by this account , and crimes on crimes super amount , for murder , or the like , there is no help left for you saving this , shew something sign'd by parliament , or oliver , to that intent , and wee 'l acquit you , give you o're , else we proceed must as before : what say you for your self ? dis be ( quoth quack ) may foy very pretty ; vat do me need hands from fush tings , ven me have got de hands of kings ? me never did seek after dem . your words ( quoth hudibras ) condemn your self ; but e're we sentence pass , come hither fellow with your lass : what trade art thou ? ( quoth capon ) none , i thank my parents , i 'm but one of thirteen that is left alive , the rest grigg . did of breath deprive . 't is fit thou make up bakers dozen , ( quoth hudibras ) not hangman cozen . and what are you , there , mistris minks ? with cheeks that look like drooping pinks ? what trade do you drive 'mong these fellows ? are you whore-ripe ( too ) for the gallows ? at which the squires look'd very sad . fearing her case would prove but bad . quoth she , i must confess i am ( and 't please your worship ) what i am , and have a long time follow'd this french doctor here for had-i - wiss . art thou a man , or art thou womau , quoth hudibras , for both are common . quoth she , i 'm of the weaker sex , god bless your worship , vivat rex . what 's that , quoth he , you mutter'd last ? i doubt y' are male beneath the waste , for as some authors well have noted , youths have been sometimes petticoated ; if so , there must be danger in 't , statutes against it live in print : search her , examine all the nicks , for i do hate those players tricks . glad of the office , squires begin to strip her to the very skin . quoth capon , hold , to end the strife , and 't please you ( sir ) she is my wife , a woman right . yes ( sir ) quoth she , your men know that as well as he . she had a quick and piercing sight , and found they servants were to knight . nay then ( quoth hudibras ) if she be leefull lawful wife to thee , enquire no further ; squires forbear , and touch not the forbidden ware. quoth she , i thank your love for that , your men i knew would harm me not . quoth hudibras , friend , take her to thee , and many a good turn may she do thee : his passion ( now ) left to be wild , as sleep came on , so he grew mild , he found the night look monsterous grim , and morpheus had surprized him , he gapes , and yawnes , and nods his head , ( summons that call mortals to bed ) what is 't a clock ( quoth he ) d'ye think ? ( one would have thought he'ad been in drink ) sure it draws neer to break of day , and i have something more to say : oh brother , that you could me help , but you are better skill'd in kelp ( for which he was about to get a patent , but was chous'd of it : ) since then ( quoth he ) the charge is mine , to quicken spirits fill some wine ; and having ta'ne a glass or two , as cicero did use to do , when he in councel sat up late , for benefit of roman state ; he temples rub to whet his wits , and gravely down again he sits : quoth he , your crimes are great i know ; but we to anger ( now ) are slow ; justice is pictur'd blind , and the reason is , ' cause she will not see , and though some say she is impartial , 't is found contrary in each martial , or that she should not lend an ear to this , or that , for love , or fear . now that we fear you not , you know , and love you can't , what snake in bo ▪ some ? for you are our enemies , 'twixt these extreams ( then ) your case lyes ; so that a moderate way we must find out , or you are all but dust ; and that must full of honour be , or else we loose the glory , we by conquest won ; and now i hit it , ( this 't is to be so ready witted ) by laws of armes we are to give quarter to him desires to live ; what he is master of is ours , excepting life , all 's in our powers ; for such ner'e valour understood , that kills his enemy in cool blood ; it murder is conceiv'd by some , of which wee 'l wash our hands , come , come ; now one would think he call'd for water , but mark , i pray , what follow'd after ; we made you prisoners by our might , and all you have is ours by right ; but as the truly generous spirit minds nothing more then honours merrit , so all the plunder is our due we gratis do restore to you , and as you are parte per pale , , but half soul'd things , and therefore frail , wee 'l grant you so your liberty , as may with honour best agree ; there 's several wayes , which are not strange , upon parol , or in exchange : now fortune was so just a guide , that all the losse was on your side , and there the case does differ much , prisoners you are , you have none such ; others have left a guage behind 'till their return , which is to bind ; but wee 'l direct a neerer way for you to walk , without more stay , y 'ave plentifully fed on food , and therefore 't is but reason good , without more words , or further beckoning , you presently discharge the reckoning , then cast your caps up all , and cry , long live our noble enemy . begar me vill do no sush ting , quoth quack , me say , viva de king , of mine countrey ; vat me to do to make sush preachament pour you ? me no deny to pay mine share , pour mine self , and mine servants dear , and me vill pay no more begar , pour all you be de man of warr. i tell you once again , y' are dust , if you deny a thing so just , quoth hudibras ; if we once fly on , you 'l find what 't is to wake a lion ; have we you treated more like friends then enemies , and 's this the mends ? squires to your arms , seize all they have , only their dirty vitals save : now hudibras begins to rant , lo what it is for man to want sleep ; man but two eyes has in 's head , must they be ever opened ? what serves lids for , who ( like watch-cases ) should close eyes up safe in their places ? but when the brains boyl over pot , then are the lids made fiery hot , and stiffe , they cannot shut the eyes , and there 't is thought the reason lyes . the squires the fod do hunch and justle , but 't was in vain for quack to bussle , his party was to weak : quoth he , me vill pay de reck'nen jesvous pres ; all , quoth the squires , or none : me vill pay all , quoth he , but hold you still ; it be no boon fashion to pay , me tink , till me do go avay , me do not at de reckonen grush , dough me do tink it very mush , de jentlehome , de traveller , pishaw , do no such ting begar , dey stay in inn pershanse two , tree dayes , four boon , but pay no penny till dey do mount chivall , and den dey call mine host take de recknen , me now loge here dis night , alles , in de morning me cry ver be ye , and discharge house vid all mine soul. quoth hudibras , upon parole depart you may , that is to bed , be sure you keep to what y 'ave said , and e're your journey , in the morn bring me a plaister for my corn. wee , wee , quoth quack , me cure you all be sis a clock , or diablo sall : which reach'd not hudibras his ears , 't was mutter'd as they went down stairs . quoth squires , wee 'l toss a cup or two ( when knights are safe in bed ) with you . vid all mine heart , ( quoth quack ) me'l stay one , two , tree oures pour you ma foy . the knights hasten to bed apace : and squires their armour do unbrace , ( yclyped doublets ) ostler call to pull off boots , clean 'em withall ; then down in bed , not bed of down , but such as serv'd ( when came to town ) tom carrier , knights their bodies lay , and bid the squires take lights away , dispatch to bed , and special care take of portmantua that was there ; for truckling there was none in room , unless on rushes they would strome ( which some call stretch ) themselves , and so take key , shut door , and down they go to seek a roosting place , and spend some time with damosel their friend , and quack , whose gibberish pleas'd 'em much , capono ( too ) for wit , none such , with little search they find 'em out , in a ground-chamber , hung about with cobwebs of the finest thred , truckle there was , but ne're a bed , a decent matt there was indeed , of sheets or rugg they had no need , th' weather was insulting hot , and fleas would vex where they would not have 'em ; and so to mend the matter they drink about , and no words scatter . at last ( as if 't had been allotted ) the squires ( 't was said ) were shrewdly potted , and sleep they must , then down on mat they threw themselves , left cloak and hat ; but subtle quack , and 's crafty crew slept not , they 'd something else to do . by this time day began to peep , and fellows heard cry , chimney sweep , which serves as clock to call up bess , harry , or will , to mind bus'nes , especially the kitchin-maid , to make fires that o're night she laid : in the mean while quack was not idle ( cunning as horse had bit o th' bridle : ) the damsel ( one that would be thriving ) in the squires pockets fell to diving : their cloaks were packt up ' mongst the luggage , thus men are serv'd when they are sluggish : ) the gates but newly open'd were , all things were husht , and coast was clear , and so unseen they huddle out into the street , then wheel about , some minutes after folks 'gan rowze from beds , and shew heads out of house , to be in readiness for fair , some to shew tricks , some sell their ware , and some to see , and some to buy , that in purse had but a penny ; and now the streets began to fill , while knights and squires lye dormant still , regardless of their late mishap , nor dreaming of an after clap . but as things strangely come to pass . so happen'd it with hudibras ; right underneath his window , there was plac'd a shew , and trumpeter , who to intice the people in , did make a most prodigious din , and as the knack on 't is , another did answer him , whom he call'd brother , so that by repercusions they were got a note beyond ela , eccho'd by others in the fair , as though they meant to rend the air , this startl'd hudibras , who flew ( like lightning ) out of bed , and drew ( in shirt ) his whynniard , what are we betray'd ? rise brother guill . quoth he ; hark , the whole town is up in arms ; on every side we have alarms , let 's dye like men , and not be slain in bed , or like tame pigeons ta'ne out of our roost , but dare the foe , ●●ke horse , and boldly ' mongst 'em go . quoth then sir guill . this cannot be our late defeated enemy , for they securely sleep in house , as sure as gournets do in sowse , ●● rather must be some old plot newly broak forth , say , is it not ? quoth hudibras , it may be so , ●et up , and we shall better know . quoth then sir guill , this is a base , ( and to our side ) a cursed place ; move not fighting so neer th' water , doubting the danger may come after . quoth hudibras , 't is but a sound , ●f born t' be hang'd , you 'l ne're be drown'd ; besides , wee 'l make our peace with these prisoners we have ; the wench will please , that was well thought on , quoth sir guill , i will get up , i that i will. where are our squires , they come not near : sure they are half struck dead with fear . the chamberlain is call'd , to call the squires , to bind the prisoners all : unwillingly they rise from mats , and shake their heads like two drown'd rats , they mist the monsieur and his mates , their cloaks and hats too , scratch'd their pate● for madness they should be serv'd so ; ( but there 's no truth in fawning foe . ) after strict search th' squires fell to weeping , must we then pay so dear for sleeping ? quoth they , th' worse luck : oh thou she fiend we thought thou wouldst have prov'd our friend knights call'd above ( in fume no doubt ) to bring up boots , and be let out ; the squires in haste thrust hands in pockets ( their wits were quite out of the sockets ) to feel for key , and misse their money , their watches ( too ) oh c — c — how basely dost thou deal with man ? ( but all the mischief that it can ) if ever we meet thee agen , for this trick we will shew thee ten : so up they went , in pitious plights , and told all to their masters , knights . how , how ( in rage ) quoth hudibras , durst they depart without my pass ? or bringing medicine for my corn , i 'le make 'em rue they e're were born , if i do find 'em ' mongst the foe ; for forth i will , and forth i 'le goe . ask chamberlain if they have paid the reck'ning , of which i 'm afraid : no sir , quoth they , they ne're thought on 't , our cloaks and hats too marcht upon 't , ( money , nor watches , durst not name , they better should have watcht the same . ) how , robb'd , and cheated too ( oh gull ! ) this 't is to be so merciful , quoth hudibras , can none discry where , and how strong 's the enemy ? quoth squire ( one ) here is kept a fair , to which all comers welcome are , no greater foe assure dly , then hobby-horse , and puppet-try . the greatest foe of all , and they shall dearly for your losses pay , quoth hudibras ; among that rout the others sculke , wee 'l find 'em out . first , there is shewn the deadly sins , which with the box keeper begins ; jane shores disgrace , and lamentation , ( a concubine not now in fashion . ) then david , and uriah's wife , and doctor faustus to the life ; with many trifles more , which do allude unto prophaneness too ; abomination ' mongst 'em dwells , of which i mean to rid their cells , and clear the streets of superstition , and its idolatrous condition . then knights mount steeds , and at a word ( in one hand pistol , t'other sword ) the squires on foot the horse attend , ( the readier to find out false-friend . ) they star'd about , folk thought 'em mad , ( for neither cloak nor hat they had : ) as soon as they were got in street , the people ran ( as it was meet ) and at next door their malice lights , ( which lately had disturb'd the knights . ) quoth hudibras , fall on , fall on , and spare not there a mothers son : at which the folk forsook the sight , and left the puppets in sad plight ; some lost a cloak , and some a hat , which to the squires came very pat ; the box with money flew about , for which they were not grown so stout as not to stoop ; they thought on quack , and then the puppets went to wrack ; they cut what er'e they hit upon , down comes the tower of babylon . quoth fellow , pox upon you , sir , for spoiling nabuchadnezer , his nose was cut out ill before , but now you have abus'd it more , how think you after this disgrace hee 's able to look beast in face ? they mind him not , but out they bring , as captive bound , babylons king : and in their havock grow more bold , they pull down rag , which story told , and as a trophee bear 't before sir hudibras , and one knight more , to wit , sir guill . so on they trot , with all the pillage they had got , greedy of more , but were prevented by butchers stout , that fair frequented , who seeing squires a quoyle to keep , and men to run faster then sheep , quoth they ( to people ) what d' ye fear ? there 's neither bull got loose , nor bear , and will you seem to make escape from fencing fools , and jack-a-nape on horse-back ? clad in coat of plush ? yet looks but like a sloe on bush : keep , keep your ground , wee 'l force 'em back , or may — we never money lack . then out they snap , and towser call , two cunning currs , , that would not bawl , but slily fly at throat , or tail , and in their course would seldome fail : the butchers hoot , the dogs fall on , the horses kick , and wince , anon , down comes spruce valour to the ground , and both sir knights laid in a swound , they like stout horsemen kept the saddle , as long as ever they were able ; but such as honour forward pricks . must now and then expect horse-tricks . the squires with grief ran hom to quarters to hang themselves , had they found garters : man should not trust to fortune more then to a sodometick-whore , whose best of actions are by night , so , as she 's blind , she hates the light . this hudibras ( who not long since did think himself a petty prince ) does sorely find , on sides and guts , ( oh out upon such fickle sluts . ) so out o th' bowels of compassion , knights were led home in an odd fashion , where we will leave 'em for recovery , and then set forth a new discovery . finis . the printer to the reader . the author having not time to attend the press , some mistakes have happened ( but not any very grosse ) which is desired , thou wilt either passe by , or amend with thy pen. farewell . two letters one from john audland, a quaker, to william prynne, the other, william prynnes answer / by the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing a estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) two letters one from john audland, a quaker, to william prynne, the other, william prynnes answer / by the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . p. printed for jonathan edwin ..., london : . a satire on audland and prynne. written by s. butler. cf. halkett & laing ( nd ed.). reproduction of original in huntington library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng audland, john, - . prynne, william, - . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (oxford) sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion two letters , one from john audland a quaker , to william prynne . the other , william prynnes answer , by the author of hudibras . london , printed for jonathan edwin at the three roses in ludgate street . . iohn audland's letter to william prynne . william prynne , thou perpetual scribe , pharise , and hypocrite , born to the destruction of paper , and most unchristian effusion of ink , thou aegyptian task-master , of the press , and unmerciful destroyer of goosequils , that dost plunder and strip thy poor kindred naked to the skin , to maintain thy self in a tyrannycal and arbitrary way of scribling against thy brethren , even the independants and quakers , over whom thou settest up thy self as an unrighteous iudge , for a righteous iudge hath an ear for both parties , and thou hast none for either . verily william thou dost evil and against the light within thee , to accuse thy brethren of that , whereof thou art more guilty thy self ; for though they break an act of parliament , yet thou didst worse , when thou wouldst have made one thy self , after thou hadst engaed thy faith unto the house , that thou wouldst never lift up thy heel against them more : truly thou shewest thy self in this no better then a jew , in throwing the first stone at them , unless thou wert innocent thy self , and all thy fundamental , municipal , common , natural law , will not serve to prove thee other , who hast been judged by the laws of the land , as a pharise , to weare a phylactery in publick , and hast had thine ears bored through according to the mosaical law : and i fear thy pretended conversion to christianity , is but in order to something else , even as the mahometans ( they say will not admit a iew to turn turk , unless he first become a christian. and that is the reason why thou art so cruel ( like a renegado ) to those of thine own sect , yea even unto those in whose quarrel thou hast lost leather , for as one of thy ears was cut off for presbytery , even so was the other for independancy . but now i speak of thine eares , give me leave to ask thee one question i have heard that those who have lost their legs , do somtimes nevertheless feel pains in their toes ; and i would fain know whether toward change of weather thou dost not feel a kind of itching and tingling in those defunct parings of thine , especially when presbytery and gover-nement are like to peep out again . for what else does thy rayling against the bishops ( as well as us ) hold forth ? but that thou art the very same will. prynne utter barrister , that didst heretofore publish against them so many ridiculous hatcases , and bandboxes , in which thy works are alwaies bound up , and are to be sold on the southside of pauls-church-yard , where thy stationers live . among those i have seen thy title pages pasted like mountebanks bills , in which thou dost alwayes write reformation , law , religion , and fundamental in capital letters , even as those quacks doe pox and running of the reins , and both to the same purpose , namely to deceive the reader , and vapour of more then thou art able to perform . but o● the verbosity of thy writings ! solomon saith in many words there is folly , and thou hast prov'd it true : for thou writest perpetually in the language of a conveyance , and dost not indite but draw ; and when thou shalt answer for every idle word , all the bills and answers in chancery will rise up in judgement against thee . for thou usest so many impertinent tautologies , that thy reader can never understand what thou meanest , unless he should take the paines to draw breviates of thy senceless repetitions which is unsufferable and not to be endured by a free-born english man and this serves the● to the same purpose , that hems , & hahs do thy guifted ghostly fathers , that is to lose time , and put off thy commodity , namely wast-paper , whereof thou endeavourest to obtain the monopoly , and thereby vndo hundreds of families that live by writing lewd and profane playes , for when thou hast ingrost the whole commodity of wast-paper into thine own hands , their works will be left upon theirs ; and in this thou takest a more wise and rationall course , then thou didst heretofore in writting indentures against them . for thou knowest not how to write in any other strain , and therefore to let thee see how easy it is to attain unto thy gifts , i will now speake unto thee a few words in thine own way . dost thou not remember william prynne , when the long parliament according to the antient known fundamentall , established custome , practice , usage , example , of all rebels , traytors , cades , tylers , straws , set open the prisons , goales , dungeons , cages , and tooke the prisoners , felons , malefactors , jayl-birds into their protection , patronage , safeguard , tuition , and among others , thy self william prynne aforesaid , with thy brethren companions , copemates , associates , burton , bastwick , lilborn , poe , &c. how the sts. brethren , godly , wel-affected , rod out to meet thee , with the sisters , helpers , damsels , hand-maids , behind them , on the tayl of the beast , struck with antechristian superstitions , idolatrous , rosemary and bays to celebrate , welcome and congratulate thy remitter , how they dawb'd , dashed , defiled and polluted thee the said william prynne with durt , puddle , greetings , salutation , that thou didst look more like unto a pimp , pander , bawd newly carted than an utter-barrister triumphant , and with how durty and filtly a grace , fashion and demeanure , thou dist bow , stoop , and lowt to thine idolaters , the rabble rout , crowd on both sides of the street , or streets , who made an idol of the rings of thine ears , even as the jaws did of their ear-rings . this verely william is thy perfect stile , and right manner of expression , in which thou art the f●eer of thy windy stuff because thou comest easily by it , for thou doest but turn over thy concordances , and the indexes of thy books , and wheresoever thou findest any thing of quake tremble and shake from the motion of the heavens to the wagging of a dogs tayl , thou applyest it right or wrong unto vs , and that it may seem to be to some purpose , thou dost always , print it in capital letters , because such were heretofore , to very good purpose imprinted on thy cheeks by the ministration of that son of be ial the excecutioner . but i cannot understand how thou or thy rabble of sts. could answer the churches for commiting the abominable sin of bays and rosemaryness which they had before and have since so often condemned , for if it be idolatrous and superstitious ( as they have determined ) to sticke those creatures in the windores of ste●ple-houses , much more must it be on their own vessels . all that they have ( in mine opinion ) to say for themselves , is that they serv'd thee up ( like a westphalia ham ) with bays , as thou art a pagan poet , according to the profane custome of thy fore fathers the heathen , though he that has the patience to read thy vile untunable dittys , will rather take t●ee for an irish ratcatcher that is said to rhim vermen to death , then the english prudentius or robert wisdom junior , as some of thine own t●●be stile thee , according to the flesh for thou dost abuse scripture most unconscionably against it's own express command , in casting holy things into doggerel , which is worse and more abominable then unto dogs , and this thou performest so dully that some of the vertuoso's have been puz●ed to find out the reason of it , till they were informed that when thou writest , thou dost use always to set a deaths head on thy desk before thee as one campanella a popish frier , is said to have done the pictures of those to whom he intended to address his writings , and found it most certain upon several experiments , that the person to the resemblance of whose countenance he could nearest force and screw , his own was always most pleas'd with his writings ; and this they are confident is the natural reason why thy compositions are so flat and dul , that they will hardly hold till the ink is dry , and when they are printed , not one of an hundred will endure the stiching , but turn to such homly uses as they are most fit and proper for . truly william , if i were your friend i should advise you to leave this freak of the deaths head , lest the young gentleman of the house , surprise you again , as you know ) they once did at midnight , and make you drink healths-sickness in it again on your bare marrow-bones . but i wonder in what part of the world thy readers live , if there are any such creatures in nature ; verily they ought to have their shoulders grow about their heads , like john mandevile's people in afrique , for there is more of labour and drudgery , than understanding required , and they ought to have a large measure of patience , long-suffering and ignorance , that can endure to read one page of thine : for as in the north , the more durty and foul the high-waves are , the larger measure they allow to their miles ; even so dost thou to thy tedious dull impertinencyes , in so much that some are of opinion that thy readers ought to be dieted ( like running-nags , before they can be in breath to read thy long-winded periods , which none but , such as thy self will submit to , for if few words do best with the wise none of those will ever endure to have any thing to do with thee . and yet i have heard that thou dost not a little glory that thy works have past through all sorts of times , ( but only those wherein they were refuted by the hand of this old antagonist the hangman ) without dispute or question . it is very true indeed , they are utterly incapable of confutation , as some places are rendered impregnable by their barren rockey seituations , or by being fortifi●d with mudwals and ditches , he that should venture to encounter thee at thv own weapon , might be said to revive the old way of fighting with sandbags , the true types of thy dry disjoynted stuff , and beside must of necessity cite so many several sorts of wares , from plums and sugar , to ●undungus and rats bane , with which thy works are always bound up , that his writings will be charged with quotations as full and dul as thine own ; but since so many chandlers and habberdashers of smal wares , have undertaken to confute thee , and proceeded so far therein already , it were an act of great imprudence to take the taske out of their hands who are best able to go through with it . and therefore i shall leave it to them to determine , whether thou hast substantially and solidly prov'd the quakers to be iesuitical romish capouchin frogs , with maskes on their faces put on by the jesuits and puld off by chee , as thou dost confidently undertake to perform in thy title page . truly william i do confess those jesuits are dangerous fellows , thou hadst best looke about thee and have a care , for it is verily believ'd by many knowing persons , that they have always set thee on work no less then the independants : and have receiv'd a better return from thy horse-like drudgery , though thou hast no more wit to perceive then a foole has to know by what hand it is set on work . and if they bewitched the quakers ( as thou dost confidently affirm ) it is most certain they have drawn thee into that feat too . for if it be true as some carnal learned men aver , that witches fetch the materials of their medicines , from gibbets and pil●●●es the parings of thine ears have been among their ingredients , and thou are guilty thereof . but i fear i begin to be like thee , that is tedious to no purpose , for i do not expect that any thing can do ●ood upon thee , who hast been so often incorrigible to ●e laws , for as the strenght of two men in their wits is 〈◊〉 sufficient to hold down and quiet one madman , even 〈◊〉 art thou proof against all reason and light , and there●●●e i will cast away no more upon thee , but leaving 〈◊〉 to thine own darkness , with the old saying , bid thee twice goodnight . john audland . the answer of william prynne . john audland , thou quaking quack , jesuitical romish franciscan frog , see my quaker unmasked , pag. . . thou that art the devils dice-box which he shakes , rattles , wags , to gull , cheat , delude , and seduce the intoxicated giddy-headed , english nation . thou that art sick of thy church , and hast catch'd thy religion like a palsey , epilepsy , ague , and art taken with tertian , quartan , quotidian cold fits , at thy superstious , idolatrous jesuitical meetings , assemblies , conventicles . see my healths sickness , p. . the northern blast , pa. . the pope crossing the cudgels , p. . whereas thou saist i have no eares , &c. therein thou shewest that thou hast no light , reason , understanding , for as a house is judged to be a house in law as long as any part thereof is standing , and a light piece of gold is good and lawful english coyn , currant with allowance , although it be clip'd , filed , washed or worn ; even so are my eares , legal , warrantable , and sufficient eares , and good in law , however they have been clip'd ; pared , crop'd circumcised , and i have a better title to the remainders then thou hast to thine , for they have been twice adjudged to me by the laws of the land , which thine never were . for those parcels , scraps , shreds , that i was deprived of , did but confirm my right to those that are ( see my own abridgement at large , pag. . lisle upon gerrard , pa. . the legality of treason , in two parts , s. g. upon both , pag. ) left , for exceptio firmat legem in casibus non exceptis . this shews that the light within thee , of which thou dost vapour , brag , vaunt , and extol thy self so much , is but a kind of dusky owl-light , a trembling , twinckling , stincking stuff , which thou carriest in thy paunch , guts , bowel , as an ox , bull or cow doth tallow to make candles of , or the cattle of lincoln shire do the fewel of the countrey , and thou knowest who it was that looked over lincoln , and cryed , all 's mine , as he will in time do over ye quakers , frogs , vipers , see my hidden works of darkness , p. . a looking glass for a blind guide , p. . fryers a fry of frogs , p. &c. whereas thou sayst , urgest , and objectest , that i would have made an act of parliament , therein thou art mistaken , deceived and deluded , for i would rather have marred , spoyled and perverted one according to the sense , judgement and opinion of the house ( and ejus est interpretari eujus est condere , see bra●on ) by putting in , adding and incerting some thing or things of my own invention , wit , contrivance , that had not passed their votes , and puting out , eracing , and expunging other things , which had , which cannot be said , held , or judged to be a breach of law , because it was before it was made one , and if it had been so , yet it would have proved no great crime , fault , offence , for exchange ( thou knowest ) is no robbery . see the foot out of the snare , pag. . prynnes principles , p. . which is more then you can say , produce , or alledge for your selves , who are a generation , spawn , lit er of vipers , frogs , serpents , so obstinate , peremptory , incorrigib e , that you break the act of parliament , at the same time that it is put in execution against you , like unto a cut purse that picks a pocket when he is going to be hang'd , for you croud , thrust and intrude your selves into prisons by shoales , that you may in defyance of law , government , authority , meet more then five together , although it be in the goale . see my sword of christian magistracy suppressed , p. . the sectary dissected , p. . whereas thou saist i write in the stile , form , language of a conveyance , therein i do according to my profession , calling , vocation , and if thou hadst done so too , thou hadst been but a mechanick still , and hadst not ordain'd thy self a hedge-sir iohn of an orderless order and unruly rule , the original , rise , or beginning , whereof is as uncertain as the head or heads of nile , or the hatching of woodcocks , for no body can cell from whence it came , ( see , truth triumphing , pag. . the jesuite a lebusite , p. . ) a church , or rather chappel indeed , that is built upon a quaking dog ( mark that ) or flat quick sand , without supertor or inferior in it , like the knights of king arthurs ( see the seaven champions of christendome ) round table , or the serpent amphisbaena ( of which , see pliny ( that has a head at both ends . mahomet the false prophet of the turks , was the first prophet , patriarch , founder of the quakers . for he had trembling trances , and frantick fits of the falling sickness , in which he had revelations , dreams , visions whisper'd into his ear by a dove pidgeon or widgeon , that he had instructed and taught , used to pick seeds out of his ear or ears ; which seeds , are the seeds of your church as well as his , for they produce the very same fruits , effects , workings in both , and both equally hope to be saved by him . and hence it is , that all your wishes , longings , desires are in the turks overrunning of christendome ; for as both they and you account fooles , ideots , mad men , saints ; you do not doubt but to pass easily for such with them , for your great abilities in those gifts . and therefore as your brethren the aforesaid turkish mahometan fanaticks , devote , destine , damne , themselves to destruction , meerly to tire , weary , make work for , and put a stop to the christians in their wars : and fill up ditches , grafts , trenches with their bodies , carcases , outward men for their fellow mussel men to march over ; even so ye also think to weary out the officers of justice , with your numberless numbers , and render your selves as hard to be cast out as legion the devil incorporate did , of whom ye are a type . see the stationers beacon fired , p. . the sectary in sippets , pa. . by all which , it appears that ye have a turk as well as a pope in your bellies , and that ye delight in persecution , in affliction , tribulation , as some old extravagent fantastick fornicators , find a pleasure in being whip'd , and out of these sores ingender one another , by aequivocal generation , as flyes blows maggots , which afterwards become flys and blow others . see my romes masterpiece , p. . settle brain for a sectary , p. . a siringe for a sore sinner , p. . that you are jesuitical , romish franciscan frogs , witches , sorcerers , appears in that ye meet to quake , tremble , quiver , and converse with your spirits , lmps , familiars ; and that ye came from rome out of the north , from whence evil and destruction cometh , as i have proved , cleared , demonstrated , and evinced in my quaker unmask'd , p. . lights darkness , p. . for as the needle in the marriners compass trembles ( mark that ) and points to the north , even so do ye , ye trembling quivering , shivering quakers . and as witches are most frequent in me north , and the colder a climate is , the apter are the inhabitants thereof ( see my first answer to thyself ) to quake , &c. it follows that quakers and witches are of the growth of the same place , and both of the same nature , quality , and condition ; for as witches swim upon the water like light scum , even so are quakers , the scum of the earth , that shake themselves like water-dogs when they come out of a pond ( see my popish royal favorite , p. . sweet sips of soul-savingness , p. . lastly , as witches liquor their staves , and fly through the air ; even so do quakers liquor their throats with inchanted potions , and gape to suck in the air that it may fly through them , & blow the light within them ; ( see emmot and gilpin , pa. . aldermanbury bottle opened , p. . ) at their exorcisms rather then exercises of devotion . whereas thou saist i was branded , burnt or stigmatiz'd in the cheeks , t is true , i was so , nor am i at all asham'd of , sorry for , or abashed thereat , but rather set a greater value on my self therefore , as i beleive i have very good reason , cause , consideration to do , for i was only us'd like a sealed measure , burnt , branded for being true . see my verses written on this occasion in the tower of london , in haec verba . of this opinion william prynn was the sixt day of march six hundred thirty three . nor was it improper , unfit , or unbecoming a man of my profession , cloath , vocation , that is , to measure equal law right , justice between man and man. see truth triumphing , p. . the pricking provender of p●●lacy , p. . as for the jesuites , who thou faist made use of the scraps of my ears , to bewitch the quakers , &c. if they did so , it was no fault of mine , nor am i bound to answer for it ; for when the aforesaid parings , scraps , shred , were sever'd from my freehold , they were no longer mine , nor am i to be accountable for the evil administration of them , when they were out of my power , charge , cuition . but if they had been in my own possession , and the jesuites had stollen them to bewitch the quakers to listen to their enchantments : it is not just that i should answer for their ears and my own too . see speculum iesact . p. . i be frantick franciscan , p. . a hole pick'd in the popes coat , p. . whereas thou saist the brethren ; godly &c , rode out with the sisters helpers &c. i do confess , thank , acknowledge their loving kindness therein ; and if they did evil in sticking rosemary and bayes upon their vessels , bodyes , outward folkes , as thou saist against the doctrine and discipline of the presbyterian church : it is no more then the members , tooles , limbs of the devil and thy synagouge did to the pa●●iarch patron , and founder of their order iames nayler , whom they exalted above his brethren upon an ass , and ran bare before both , against the fundamental , known establish'd rule , canon , constitution of their disorderly order . see the buckle of the canonical girdle , turn'd behind , p. . the quaker quash'd , p. . whereas thou saist my works are bound up in hatcases , &c. if thou wouldst but buy one of those , and put thy hat therein , it would operate upon , and instill into thy noddle , sconce logger head more se se , reason , understanding ; and teach thee better manners then to keep iron before a court of justice : by which thou dost but shew , declare , demonstrate , that thou hast a crack , flaw , soft place in thy scull ; and in that respect art very careful to keep it warm , least thy sickly brains ( if thou hast any ) should take cold . and as for those chandlers and haberdashers of small wares &c. which thou saist have undertaken to oppose , answer , confute me . verily they will find it a harder task then they are aware of , for i have already written , printed , published , odd works , books , labours ; and before they have done with those , do not doubt to have as many more in a readiness , and to find imployment , work , business , enough for them all ; as long a church and state can furnish , store , supply me with subject , matter . provided i may have process enough to carry on the work ; and can but procure , induce , engage our presbyterian brethren the nonconformists to help , aid , and assist me , which ( it being so much for their ow advantage , interest , concernment , and they having at present nothing else to do ) i do not doubt to obtain . will. prynne . hudibras, the second part butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) hudibras, the second part butler, samuel, - . the last edition corrected. [ ], p. [s.n.], london : . reproduction of original in huntington library. attributed to samuel butler. cf. nuc pre- . in verse. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng english poetry -- early modern, - . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - john cords sampled and proofread - john cords text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion hudibras . the second part. the last edition corrected . london , printed in the year , . the first canto . argument . we sing no further o th' disputes 'twixt knight , and squire , nor their confutes ; nor how by puissant trick , or chance , from chanted castle they advance ; since skill'd magicians know is well how to undo , as make the s●ell : nor yet of talgol , bruin , orson , whom writers say was but a whorson ; but hudibras more strange adventures , that hitherto have hung on tenters . the may-pole . it happened at the time when oysters 'gan loose their operative moystures , when sol with heat did fill his car , and that the month did want an r. which was before , or june , or july , when country placquets grow unruly : for , as the wise say , in august if one won't do 't , another must . when cherries hardly ripen'd , nod , and children for 'em venture rod ; when mother nature doth disperse her help to man , ( that vniverse ) when fresh blood empty veins supply , which suffer'd by phlebotomy ; that he who can the hill get o're , in hope to live is , scarce before , when midwife flora's newly seen in meadows gay , and gardens green , the pink , the primrose , tulip , - flower , ( off-springs of a quondam showre , ) with lilly , violet , and dazy , the merry-milk pales deck , which praise i , when barnes are freed from mice and rats , by madam owle , better then cats ; when with a garland to be crown'd , the sweaty hoofs do teare the ground ; and fidilero and pipero in every village peep , and peere ho ! when mortals feed on sage and butter , drink whey by quarts to make 'em squtt , and for the ladies of the season , prepared are green cheese and peason , with macquerels brought up in shoals , colon to fill of hungry soules ; and silla-bub , with lip-lov'd tanzy for roger , is prepar'd by nancy . when , as in landskips we discover in every shade , a lolling lover , with head on lap , of female wight , hand underneath her garment white , and she turns up her womanhood , whil'st pego forrages for food ; and surgeons put up in sheath cleans'd syringes for fall of leaf : at the same time i must not vary , jack , met with gill , and mat with mary ; which was soon after , ( as 't is said ) mars had laid by his tool , and trade , and all was ready to bring in the maid with dimpled cheeks , and chin : when that the people might be free t' enjoy their ( juggl'd ) liberty , as then the bells at westminster did clapper-claw the countrys ear ; and ev'ry creeping thing on earth from cricket did incline to mirth ; nay , th' grand hectorian-olivero left ranting , and fell to primero , a game , he had long study'd , but as some do say , was hard put to 't , for others knew 't as well as he , and stickl'd for the mastery , all hectors of his only breeding , for they could pray , and lie exceeding . and such as now remain , do claim from those the vigour of that name : and follow all their wayes of plunder , only to hear , they pray , is wonder ; but for their lying are expert , and swearing they have got by heart ; there let it lie , like fatal dagger in peaceful sheath , until they swagger . and now to what we were about , which all this while we have left out . a jolly crew of lads well fitted , and buxome lasses , mother witty'd , met on a day , no matter what , in the same month it was , that 's flat ; and that it might not loose its name , they all prepared were for game ; which though the learned could not scan to be th' isthmean , or nemean , yet it a title had , and good , for , hocktide , may be understood ; and doth as cleer construction carry as bess take tom , and joan take harry ; or tom take bess , and harry jone leap over sword , and it is done ; so the inducted market place clapt up at once , two babes of grace which never issue had , but what the peacefull — justice — parson got , for they all functions did supply , and into every hole could pry , had an instinctive art to strole if that the she-beast were with fole . were the state midwives , and could strain , more then could doctor chamberlain ; though he could dip , and pray , and preach , and fiery-pated squibb did teach , until he grew as quaint as he in their occult idolatry . and 't may be now and then could bite the buttock of a prosolite . but what was this ? a game at whist , unto our plowden-canonist , bewitcht into a power , by some that ner'e lov'd kent nor christendome , and hating all things orthodox did send religion to the stocks . in church refus'd to take the pains , but in the streets would ask the banes , and ceremonies , long'd allow'd , laid by , when they grew pint — proud , that master justice was declar'd the viccar to dog and bitch-yard , which brought in tythes as fast as hops , cerberus must be fed with sops ; and as the ancients have defin'd , so these were duly paid , in kind . without a suit in the exchequer , complaining they to noll were debtor . they took a surer course and way , peter knew how to make 'em pay , and thus these holy men of orders did ferk the fry of sodome borders : though tom want tool , and nell a nose , yet reconcil'd are in the close . there let 'em stink , to sweeten ( then ) my lines , pray whistle to my pen ; to minde me of the former matter , though not incongruent to the latter . then first to shew you what they were that met , observe each character , for , it is requisite we strow the way with flowers as they go : bushero height the twisters led , to whom he was both cap , and head , for neatness he was held the best , good reason , he could trim the rest . and in his calling was so rare , he fitted 'em unto a hair ; and er'e they for their progress met had given his shirt the somerset ; ( a tumbling word , and used much by men , professors to be such : ) in all things he was cap a pe , only his hose was out at knee , and doublet-elbow wanted clout , but there , you know , love will break out , and therefore time is vainly spent to patch up what must needs be rent : if any ding'd him on the lip , with that , quoth he , you may go snip : of person he was sometime squat , with ribbons hat-ban-neding hat , he had some judgment in the gyttern , and master was of kitt and cyttern ; which cythere sung to first , when she her god-babe cupid nurst . to follow him did shanco roame from ladies service newly come ; as finical for life as he , if that comparisons may be ! was drest with muffe and pantaloon , and in pocketto silver spoon , which slept secure , till cream and cake did waken it , for masters sake : he was of person pleasing tall , as streight as wand , but slimm withall ; he walk'd as though he trod on eggs ; and cat-sticks were suppos'd his legs : his body burthen'd was with points , which ty'd together all his joynts ; his eyes and legs kept time together , they danc'd , & mov'd you 'd wonder whither such as ne're understood the firk took him for piece of dutch clockwork ; he was the least beholding to the flesh , of any man you know . though he to it was mainly given , with him it ner'e made reck'ning even ; perhaps it may by some be thought he had as good return'd , as brought : but in that sense there 's nicity , which in this must avoided be , only it is confest he was his ladies limbeck ; his own ass . in breech of him , butlero came , with caquo , eager for the game . butlero did in napkin neat bringsalt , and bread , and coquo meat : the one comptroller was o th' bin , the other of the good kitchin ; the only over-ruling pair that had to do below the stair : the one the merry bottles brought , t'other with limbs of capons fraught . which newly had ( without denial ) on gridiron past the firy tryal , the parties equal-parted were , each did of eithers office share , so lawyers ner'e fall out for fee among themselves , kame , kathee . butlero may be thought of kin to him that plaid o th' vyolin , and famous was for clownery , which city-wits call drollery : he could arthur of bradley do , the country-man , and courtier too , and had an insight in the city , inspir'd by those that then were witty ; from whom the thrifty-poet steals , to furnish beardw — for his meals . ours plaid to what he could not sing . an instrument without a string ; but let me not his judgement wrong , the tool did carry with 't a tongue ; and by the hebrewes was allow'd , as well as cymbal , or the crowd ; and by amphion play'd upon , if ever he did play on one : now our butlero in good sooth could play on two from hand to mouth : coquo the tongs could finger well , and had a key for what i tell , th' invention was no easie task , it took its birth from the crand mask : the teacher had the happy fate to live in street call'd bishopsgate , and pity 't was ( he did so thrive ) he had not left his like alive . thus they to please their lasses do bring hither meat , and musick too : these were the heads , and now advances the gathers , or th' appurtenances . the first with hand , or tongue could sway the pamper'd jades of asia , i mean not tamberlaine's the great , nor he that fell out of his seat , but masters his , of better blood , that fed not upon others food . sartoro brisk as body-lowse forsook his stall , annext to house , and though he was not worth a dodkin , wenches call'd him their standing-bodkin . trituratoro good at flayl . as orsin erst at staffe and tayl , his skill in that did keep him safe , he could distinguish corn from chasse . then molindario furl'd up sayl , the scornful wind had turned tayl , h' was held a man of judgement strong , or else his neighbours did him wrong ; he could into a mill-stone see , as far ( 't is said ) as any hee . lanio and tergoneer ally'd , as calf to cow , or skin to hide , were next enranck'd ; pistoro stout as ever crap-tree threw about , not far behind ; his legs were small , but sure as bandy at the ball , the ancient poet heywood draws from ancestors of these his laws of dramma , to fill up each scean with souldiers good , to please plebe'ne , and in those famous stories told the grecian warrs , and beauchamps bold . at distance some , thatchero came , approved martial to the game , in one hand dudgeon-knife he bore , the other gantlet-mittin wore , the hyroglyphick of bad musick did follow him , which made me spuesick ; yet the belov'd malicious noyse attracted had whole scores of boyes armed with clubs and hideous sounds , as when they go to view the bounds of parish theirs , or as i 've known the pan-cake prentices come down on fritter-day , vice to abollish , and reverend-matron-baud demollish . then with majestick pace came on cartero , like diego-don , whistling forth rhetorick to the beast , his , which drew , of this discourse , the thesis , in wagon , anglice , dung-cart , lay pole so good , cut out by art , and ornamented with no less then ribbons given by doll , and bess , and others of the fairy-crew , of colours red , white , black , and blew , yellow , cinnamon , and green , here , and there , nose-gay between , likewise many a wedding garter , tickling lasses into laughter , for the thing above the knee seldome's seen , though felt it be : but no more of this , 't is fit that hereafter come not yet , on either side this early tryumph attended , tony , row-and ry-vmph-sowgeldero ratcatchero , cum multiis aliis , saus fear ho ! th' lasses , like dianae's troopers , came i th' rear with main and cruppers : meg , and kate , and doll , and joan , buxome lasses every one ; with peg , and lett. and luce , and betty , for her face and foot call'd pretty ; moll , and sall , and non , and frank , wenches free , and fat i th' flank : on agnes eve they 'd strictly fast , and dream of those had kist 'em last ; or st. quintins watch all night , with smock hung up , for lovers sight : some of the lawndry were ( no flashing ) that would not give their heads for washing ; others o th' chamber , and the dairy , all kept their arms free from the fairy : thus they pass through market-place , and to town-green hye apace , highly fam'd for hooktide games , yclip'd kingston super thames , where sir hudibras , invited to dinner was , but newly lighted : quoth he to self , i had before a stomack good , this stirs it more ; had i best charge 'em before dinner ? no , quoth he , as i 'm a sinner : let 'em wait till i do come , charity begins at home : serve self first , the commonweal may stay till i have made my meal . and so he enters house , while rout to set up may-pole went about . the lasses too put helping hand to make the merry business stand . there let 'em rest a while , and now to hudibras the great kill-cow , who having on the creature fed , and drank for more then he had bled , he in a fury flung from table , and bid his man fetch steed from stable : some business of the state , quoth he , doth retrograde to manners me : however friend , and cosen narsey , for entertainment god-a-mercy - but er'e i go , a word or two with you bro. knight , and eke with you ; for pairs of sirs , there were in sight , that had but little maw to fight ; of stomacks good , and had been able to serve king arthur at his table . one did command the cheshire forces , and had a face as round as horses ; his teeth were grown the same length , and wanted nothing but in strength to passe for one , beasts know not theirs , and he was robb'd of his by fears ; his name did rumble like to thun-der der guilielmo knight sir b — ●ton . the other was of last edition , a justice too upon petition : he pretty well could understand the penial laws at second hand , for he a clerk had that might pass for an intelligible as , after sir hud . discovered had by whispers consequences bad , to brother knights ; they streight array themselves , and horses , and away : each trusty twible ties to side , fury conducter was and guide . they course on with might and main . 'till they came in sight of train , who had newly fixt their pole , which vext 'em to their very soul , round about it some were frisking , others on the grass as brisking ; most in mirth , set hand to labour , tongs , and gridiron , trump , and tabor , cytern , with a voice as lewd , rhimes too were but lately stewd in brain-pan , and set to tune the cuckow rants in may and june , for lovers sake : while thus they sport , sir hudibras does call a court consisting of three knights , three squires , that long before had left their sirs , to seek adventures , and attended the sequel now , which is not ended . quoth hudibras , what 's best to do ? six heads is better far then two . the romans did more glory gain , by living citizens , then slain , and brave cyneus with a word did conquer more then perhus sword. shall we with smooth caresses go and soften flinty hearted foe ? or if then bow , h 'ad rather break , defie 'em , and not poorly sneak ? but try what fortune will allow to edge of sword , and potent blow ; for points in fights knight-errantry were still rebated , that you 'l see in writs of yore ; let rumours cease dissention breeds , i 'm of the peace quoth justice then , and of the town , else i 'd not value a crackt crown more then pins head ; i think it meet vvith wisdoms lore the crew to greet ; the safer weapon of the two and will not make so much ado . then quoth sir hudibras i le spare your braines the labour to ensnare their wits and wills , quoth then sir guill — vvere my troop here i 'd not stand still , courage quoth hudibras , and now vvit shew thy self , or weapon , thou ; then cicero my tongue adapt or strengthen arm thou mighty capt — so on they jog , and with an eye vvell read in modern policy the numerous crew they do behold vvith patience strong and courage bold . and soon sir hud . doth them accost but all in vain , his labours lost , he moves to them with sober speech , and strokes his beard while they turn breech ; quoth he , you males , for to the shee s , i 'le offer nothing shall displease , how durst you set up ( sans advice ) a may-pole of ungodly size for height it may amaze the people , and streighter is then grantham steeple ; which states-men do conclude upon might ferk the whore of babylon ; have you to scoure a scurvy cliffe brought gyants tool from teneriffe ossa or pelion ? no , quoth tergo , 't is for the sisters , ruth and pergo , and such as follow conventicle , no brother has a tool so mickle ; monstra morendum quoth sir hud — what are you men of flesh , or wood ? will you in spight of ordinance , a whorish stallion thus advance ? where are you scences , pray look to 't ; have we not struck at branch and root ? and ta'ne the smock from off the whore , yet will you aggravate us more ? quoth lanio , hence thou weasel , rat , that scarce dar'st look in face a cat ; who sent for thee ? what mak'st thou here ? and these thy chitterlings so neer ? whence com'st thou , from what nasty sinck didst thou creep forth , to prate and stink ? depart in peace , or by this truncheon , thy beastly back i 'le raise a bunch on , bigger then that thou bear'st , ner'e grudge it , 't shall taken be for tinkers budget , can nature monsters such afford , that will not hear from man a word ? quoth hudibras , more deaf then adder to common sense , to make me madder ? and in the face of justice too ! sword keep to me , as i 'le to you . quoth then sir jus. my brothers both , to agravate the case i 'm loth , because these all my neighbours are , and you my worthy friends , and dear ; an even hand i mean to carry , in weighty matters must be wary . he spit , and then he spake quoth he , my friends , as many as there be , i hope it is no bad advice , to bid all be merry and wise ; i need no farther learning borrow , then sawcy mirth will bring on sorrow : and though for number we seem fools , 't is dangerous medling with edge tools : and here are mighty men and strong , whose acts are in the army sung . root up your pole , remove it hence , and let your own homes be your fence . for i 'm impowred by commission , to force you from this lewd condition . quoth shanco ( quaintly ) mr. justice , upon our strength , not you , our trust is , with wit , or weapon , choose you whether , or one , or both , or altogether ; we are resolv'd , and so have at ye , if words won't do 't , by jove wee 'l pat ye . i am the lasses champion , then be safe , and get you back agen . vvell said coze shanco , quoth tonsore , i 'le second thee upon that score . awake , quoth hudibras , thou fox : hold , quoth sir guill . i hate these knocks : the people will be mollifi'd if that the lord be on our side . scarce had he spoke , er'e stratagem ( by shanco laid ) surrounded them , but by stout molindario led , whose very looks did speak'em dead . vvhat mean you then , quoth hudibras ? fie on 't , this 't is to he an ass , and leave my instruments of danger at six and sevens , rack and manger : but tom , ( speaking to doughty squire ) this is thy fault , or i 'm a lyer . now valour must be brought on knees to rascal rout , and their pedees . down with that maggot quoth the boyes : children to school , and leave your noyse . quoth justice good , how comes it thus you hem us in , may'nt we untruss ? my little body can't contain , quoth hudibras , my spirit main , i 'le run the hazard : knock him down cries one , as soon as said 't is done . sir guill ▪ did shew his teeth , but durst not bite , though he had mastiffs nurst . the ground was burthen'd with the groanes of knights , and squires , these pitious ones ; and how to rid 'em thence was thought , coltstaffes with quick dispatch were brought , on which they hoysted were , and so convey'd to town , who durst say no ? where they were met with mocks & laughter , their horses , as rank beasts , sent after . the second canto . argument . the knights retir'd their case condole , big with revenge as mare with fole , consult the means , but can't agree , part , and put up th' indignity . knights two , to wit sir hudibras , and guill . leave town and further pass , their squires attend ; encounters meet in journeys-road , yclipped street . where on the next day kept was fair , then doth ensue what happen'd there . sir hudibras ( though fortune had with wry-mouth flouted him ) grew mad , and nothing else would serve his turn to quench the rage in him did burn , but a full goblet of french wine was dulcifi'd with sugar fine ; vvhich having guzzell'd down gullet , he thought no speech , and then he spet , the clear preserver of his wit , for that , being salt did season it . quoth he , i was a thirst indeed , now brothers , pray do you proceed : i 'm sure you shar'd in blows and beating , a julip's good after a heating , he wipes , and then he fulminates , vvords that through ear late penetrates , shall we , quoth he , sit down with loss , and faintly go by weeping cross ? shall we with patience take their frumps , and heads revengeless go for bumps ? given by the hand of reaking foe , vvhat er'e you think , i think not so , shall triumph revel in their smiles , our courage pinion'd all the whiles ? shall we besotted be with beating , and bury honour by retreating ? honour that 's not so cheaply bought as eggs that to your markets brought . but is the purchase of the daring , that will not of their blood be sparing rally for shame then , let 'em know , we scorn to flinch for knock or two . and now ( good omen ) i have got my pistols , that i then had not , which careless squire did leave behind , i would he had been beaten blind . quoth justice , you want charity , bro. knight , sir hud . assuredly , for true it is ( or else blame me ) when men are blind they cannot see . quoth hudibras , is there no way to put a period to this day by conquest ours ? where art thou pate ? or thus — or thus — no , now i have 't : to th' parliament with speed i 'le send , where i have got a special friend . hold , quoth sir guill . bro. hudibras , i have it here , and it shall pass ; bring ink and paper , i 'le dispatch letters to nantwich , where my match - less troop doth quarter ; come they hither ▪ they'd tear these rogues ears , though of leather ▪ quoth hudibras , 't is trick of clown , to take one up before he 's down ; yours is the work of half a year , and my design does lie but here astones throw off , but twenty mile , and may be done while one does pile a load of wood. i think not so , quoth justice then , though much i know . yes upon motion of my friend , quoth hudibras , i know they 'l send , either a company , or troop , shall make these stubborn rascals stoop , but good sir bro. quoth justice , sir , what will their coming here infer ? 't is true , that after beef comes musterd , when belly 's full , then bring in custerd . in plain , the proverb 's good i swear , they 'l come a day after the fair ; or as ( of yore ) the learned clerk it , will come at th' end of a bad market ; at end of feast i cannot say ; but after fray i justly may . then ( under favour ) brother knights , your reasons are not in the rights ; you from nantwich do draw design , and you fetch yours beyond the line , for here , or there , 't is call'd all one , the line of communication . and the wise parliament thought fit . we should be neighbors to their wit. sir guill . i cannot reach your sence , nantwich is many miles from hence , and yours i 'm sure doth lye as far as kingstone is from westminster , you say they 'l come , i ask you when ? you say to morrow , and what then ? i do respond , before they come the foe is gone , each wight's at home , so that your councel is no more , " then steed being stoln , shut stable-dore . the red-coats come , and simply see a goodly field , and long pole-tree : perhaps they 'l reak revenge on wood , but what will that do our heads good ? that ake with blows , and our bones more , will that be salve for every sore ? did paracelsus ever make plaisters of chips for valours sake ? or will ( by simpathy ) the blows and hacks on pole be felt by foes ? you may as well say , strike one brother here , and at york 't shalllite on t' other . i need not further wrack my brains , ( and 't may be little thank for pains ) to bring comparisons , save this which was said of diogenes , when he was told that one spoke ill of him behind his back , it will , quoth he , not hurt me if he do , when i 'm not present beat me too . so to as little purpose were these men thought on , should combat air , and like the king of france his men , march up the hill , and down agen . more i could say , but let it rest , the birds at night will fly to nest : what that infers your selves may judge , i have too long been reasons drudge . quoth hudibras , must we passe by so grand ad open injury ? render'd the scorn and sport of clown ; and table-talk for all the town ? we that have seen death in the field , and made the surly fellow yield ; we that through dangers mouth have met the foe , and ner'e the worse sor't yet , i mean the common enemy , the bold and daring gavalry . we can't deny but the base clubs of this rude rout have given us rubs , which will remain a day or two on sides , in colours black and blew ; and ' gainst our wills are forc't to wear um , those that did give 'um , old nick tear ' em . can you , sir jus . so tamely take this cudgel-combat , and not make the very basis of the town to tremble at your awful frown ? is justice lame as well as blind , crippl'd in power as well at mind ▪ can you send begger to the stocks , and have no punishment for knocks ? knocks in a most malign sence , that will admit of no pretence ? were you commissionated harry , or are you supernumerary , to wit , one that may be employ'd when others are with service cloy'd ? if you the thing it self assume , on your own strength you may presume , and by attractive vertue draw obedience to you , brat o th' law : pitchforks and prongs will soon appear , when that sir justice is in fear . oblige your interest , neighbours raise my honour , then wee 'l bear the bayes : and that you may not want a man resolved , know i 'le head the van , you and sir guill . bring up the rear , i hope y' are not ill placed there . sir hud . and bro. i must confess , not willingly i 'de aqui-ess , quoth justice , sir , but as i pearch at reason , and her intrails search , i know there 's no good to be done , either with father , or with son : the case is alter'd now , quoth ployden , which is asserted by each hayden : when danger did attend our gates we did not fear to venture pates , but now we have no enemie , unless among our selves they be , i pray , who do they then impeach , if you into the sense will reach ? they plead to have their sports restor'd , for which they had the senates word , and trusted to 't as much , jack saith , as tom did to the publique faith. now they instead of being protected in their old pastimes , arc detected , disturb'd , molested put in fear , whith is a sessions matter , hear me brother knights , 't is contra pacem , terrtorem too , if you will trace 'em , to wit , the cynicks of the law , who in this case will finde a flaw for palm of fist , without good friends , or money , which makes all amends . but i digress ; of this no more , to what i should have said before my purpose is ; the promise , root to all their hopes laid under foot ; by whom ? who did it violate ? one that 's a servant to the state , quoth pro and con ; that 's justice i my conscience speake it , which won't lye ; and so for service yours , unsought , i 'm into a primunire brought . excuse me brother knights , god knows i 'm well contented with my blows , if you be so , for said my sire , the burnt child ever dreds the fire , and i was but an asse , some hint ; at first to have a finger in 't . send mittimus , then quoth sir guill . as i would do , had i my will. a mittimus , quoth justice then , for what , wherefore , for whom , and when ? exponere . and who shall serve it ? let such have beating that deserve it . the constable , nor tything-man will do 't , if they avoid it can : besides , did justice er'e obtrude a mittimus on multitude and your own eyes have seen that i , who am above it they defie ; for all conclude , ( or else they 'r fools ) the workman's better then his , tools . in brief , ( for brevity's the best to such will not here out the rest ) i 'm confident , and dare aver , not one man on our side will stir . the remedy we have is this , bought wit is best ; nor is it miss applyed here , which bids be wary of such who are ubiquitary . quoth hudibras , why brother jus . i wonder you should cackel thus : has the hen trod you ? is your comb cut , and no cock at dunghil-home ? prevaricate , turn cat in pan , be lesse then beast , yet seem a man. do you wear beard , and want a face to add a credit to your place ? to ' much , the proverb now should hit in you , to have more hair then wit : the romans - shav'd themselves so clean , the face of justice might be seen ; but you obscure it with a grove , where maggots nest in neighbour-love : or like the creeping syrian king , when he with beasts went a banquetting . what strange coherence doth bewitch your worships nose to plow-mans breech ? i do request your learned noddle , tell me what 's that in pan you coddle ; for brains you have not ( i suppose ) unless they drop out of your nose . are you a magistrate perse , or insufficientem te ! to which o th' nounes do you incline ? your gender sure 's not masculine : rather the doubtful , like long megs , and scarce can stand on your own legs : the sword on shoulder was mis-laid , when kneel down gent. rise knight was said : and he that made thee justice-dasher did spoil ( sir reverence ) a good thrasher . nay , quoth sir guill . i promise you , bro. hud . somthing he said was true , and now for councel well may pass , though one would take him for an ass , not to run farther into th' briers , is all that his advice requires : and truly , unless we were stronger , i think 't not safe to stay here longer . quoth then sir justice , 't is all one to me , to stay , or to be gone ; but i think packing is the best , for beating this , is but earnest to after payments that will follow , when as the rout triumphs ; and hollow , if you at good , advice will rave , abuse your friends when none , you have ; take pepper in nostrello when you want a box to put it in i care not a fleas-biting for all your great din , pudder , and stir ; and as a wiser then you all did speak in house beyond the hall , if without cause you angry be , be pleas'd without a mends for me : and since all words are held but wind , your girdles buckle turnd behind : i 'le not be bug beard at the word of colonel crump , or wise sir turd , l 've seen a knight ere i saw you ; quoth hudibras , scarce one so true ; mine's currant and of older stamp then thine that is but lately vampt ; mine will be lasting , thine decay , the more 's your shame , as i may say . quoth justice then , for one may see you 're cobler but in heraldry ; and if i don't mistake my note , you basely have abas'd your coat ; for he can be no childe of honour , that shall for favours spurn at th' donor . as for my part ( though mine were latter ) i shall stick still to the first matter , i will obedient be to powers that are above me , not to yours ; and in my neighbours love will dy , i value not wherefore , nor why . quoth hudibras , to horse , a curse upon this town , malignants nurse , and doth derive part of its name from whom ( at first ) tyranny came . may darkness seize upon your dwellings , that have eclips'd my high excellings ; may all your wives be leapt by clown , and your fine bread be turn'd to brown ; may all your cattel dye o th' rot , and not a piece be had for pot , or spit ; and may your children mutter , when kine want milk , and they want butter . quoth justice then , thou are no christian , a turk or jew , or tribe philistian : get to thy crew , from hence for shame , lest on thy back light all the blame , so part they did with anger eager as frowns on brows , and visage meager : the squires were call'd from tipling-cell , not dreaming of what had befel ; armed with liquor male they stride their sturdy steeds , and on they ride ; leaving sir justice out of peace , fretting , and melting in 's own greace ; and unto town , famous for hogs , butchers , and their like , mastiff-dogs ; and for a witch that once liv'd there , not unlike falstaffe in shakespeare ; but more for fight , when londoneers in thames were dipt or'e head and ears , and some limbless in carts were sent , as presents unto parliament , which made a foul house , and no doubt was ill resented when smelt out ; thither they haste , but in their way , latet in anguis ; some rubs lay . at distance mile from town there stood an amphitheatre of wood , back'd pretty strong , a form or bench , where sat sir capon and his wench ; a plank for stage some five yards high , ( with curtain most conveniently . ) on which sir hud - whose eyes were walking perceiv'd a fellow gape , or talking , somtimes expanding arms , then clutch his fists , or point to thumb , as much , his head was in perpetual motion , his eyes the same , to put off lotion , and tongue he had more swift then jack , which alwaies ran knick knack , knick knack for through his teeth such jangling went , as one would think his jawes were wrent : spectators many stood before , to see the knacks he had in store , with algate-ouths , saracens ear , they gape to taste , as mad to hear . on either side of theater were plac'd two tubs of sturdy beer , and wenches that for novelties , sold ginger-bread , and pudding-pies , which fodder was unto the cattel , as when train-band do enter battel : this made the knights and squires to pawse a while , and sift into the cause : what can this mean , quoth hudibras to knight sir guill . must we not pass ? does courage so adapt my blade , that multitudes do ambuscade ? day thou art fatal , yet bright honour shall say i still will wait upon her ; be bold , troop up , defie the foe ; hold , quoth sir guill . i say not so ; observe you not yon' man of zeal , a blest tipe o th' common-weal , with held up hands , and devout eyes , he doubtlesse is at exercise , his faculties in labour are , to feed the soul even through the ear , a work of grace he is a doing , then soberly let us be going , curb in the reins of wicked horse , and pace like men that have remorse , for ah , alack no blows controul as words , that cudgel do the soul , for they , like to achillis speare , both wound and heal , or i 'm not here . so on they amble to the place , where monsieur spake with a boon grace ▪ begar we kill you all , an den presan make you alive agen ; widis me do all de gran cure , de pock , de scab , de calenture ; me make de man strong , pour de wench . ( then riseth capon from the bench ) look you me now , do you no see dead yesterday , now live day be , four boon , dey leap , dey dance , dey sing , may foy , an do de toder ting : begar good medicine do all dis . capon makes legs , and wench doth kiss , take hands , and throw their legs about , then hudibras disturbs the rout : quoth he , what do you come to see , a pandor shew his harlotry ? then forth of holster doth he take his fatal engine , to awake , his long slept anger ; mongst 'em then ( with courage would serve twenty men ) he rusheth , makes the rabble fly ; monsieur doth quarter , quarter cry ; and capon ( but for wenches teathers ) had been hung up in his own feathers : the sutlers lay as they were dead , to see their drink so murdered ; hot custard , piping-pudding-pie , on gods cold earth at distance lie ; the knights and ladies sunder'd are , in ginger-bread united were : but th' squires did in pocket to put some puding-pies , as good for gut. the rout dispers'd , quoth hudibras , brother sir guil , and squires , the face of fortune now is wheel'd about , she doth assist the bold and stout : i knew er'e ev'ning did close in we should be conquerors , and win ; perseverance doth make the man inclin'd to war a champion ; diffidence and distrust confound , and bury honour under ground : to take one wound , and fear another , makes man but valours bastard-brother ; in all brave fights with courage born , ev'nings prove better then the morn : in triumph squires lead on to town , we have recover'd our renown . the third canto . argument . the victors all their pris'ners carry through town to castle , and there tarry , which pilgrims us'd in times of yore to call an inn , and shew'd wherefore ; there they in conucel sit , and do examine quack , capono too , nor doth the wench escape their reach , they in her coat do find a breach . but in the close ( without controul ) the prisoners passe on their paroul . then new adventures they do seek , ' mongst butchers rude , and puppets meek . unhappy is the wight that has to do with mighty hudibras , whose courage no rebating knows , for he drives on , and calls for blows , and like the daring sithian shepherd , keeps sword from rust , till all are pepper'd , or in the sanguine liquour stewd issuing from pagan multitude , though fortune on his side may frown at first , at last her pride comes down , which he takes up , and swells bis sails , with glorious nihils , empty gales : so have i known some courtiers want bread , more then ever did pesant , upon the turning of the wheel , preferment made their reason reel , and slight those from whom helps they had ; success , and money make men mad ; money that loyalty out-braves , keeps back the honest , brings in knaves , puts fellows principl'd in treason in power and trust ' gainst sense and reason ▪ replyes to all things , rhimes to honey , ask what 's a clock , 't is answer'd money . go to 'm but to speak about , some business , streight the hand 's held out , which signifies you must prepare , before your matter meet their ear ; like half-starv'd wretches ( come to meat ) do covet more then they can eat : or as the proverb bids you mark , the priest forgets he ere was clerk , so hudibras , whose great prowesse aims at the more , forgets the less , troops on with all his captiv'd train in state , much like to tamberlain , for he , his conquest to compleat , chains monsieur quack like bagazet , and at horse tayl he doth attend , like one made for no other end ; with head on side of neck , he goes , his vessels leaking , eyes and nose , his antick motions are forgot , he moves as though he moved not ; nor can you blame him thus to faulter , no dog but would abonden halter , and he well knew there was no trick in reading , or practice chymick , after a hanging to cure gullet , and set it right to swollow pallet : capono and his damsel brought up rear , with sorrow fully fraught , his countenance betray'd him loth to be disht up amidst white broth , and doubted much to have his book , he knew he had a hanging look . the damsel lookt like one neer dead , but comforted by ginger-bread , and now and then with pudding-pie , tender'd by squires ( some reason why ) . for as taylors preserve their cabbage , so squires take care of bag and baggage . vesper appear'd , and sol was down , vvhen hudibras did enter town : quoth he , bro. guill . observe the sun , envying the glories we have won , is gone to bed , and in meer spight shaddows our trophies with the night ; but er'e he has ta'ne nap or two vve 'l rouze him with atchievements new , bleeding like herrings in their gills , and fresh too , or wee 'l want our wills : so over lake , anglice kennel ( which had a stronger scent then fennel ) they unto gate ( beyond it ) past , famous ( when shut ) for being fast . quoth knight to squires , go one of you , no matter which , you are but two , and ask who keeps this garrison , i mean the house , but 't is all one . your words , quoth squire , shall be obey'd great hudibras , ( just so he said ) before the turning of a teaster or bate me of an egg at easter . whoop , quoth the squire , where are you ho ? a language he was verst into , for he had travell'd many a mile , and was not now to seek his stile . at last ostlero did appear , whose nose did scent the beasts were near : quoth he , why bring you not down lights for squires so good , and eke for knights ? quoth squire , first take in care our horses , and then you may rally your forces . with hand as useful as quacks sirrops , ostlero streight takes hold on stirrops , and leads the palfryes to the stable , where he did do what he was able to beasts , for he and they were kin , however they were now drawn in . mean while was chamberlano call'd ; he came , and ask'd for what they bawl'd , for he was ready for all squabbles , having been beat ( it seems ) at tables . quoth hudibras , where wert thou bred ? wilt thou not stand us now in sted ? wearied with doing mighty things , spent the whole day in bickerings , these are the guordeons of our toil , our purchase and our lawful spoil . quoth then sir guill . oh fie , good brother , let us like christians love each other . but every like is not the same , quoth hudibras you are to blame , you will be twittering like the drill , yet insignificant be still . quoth he , these are meet infidels . begar you lye ( quoth monsieur ) else , softly to self as who should say , he would speak more were he away . quoth hudibras , shew up to room , for they shall soon receive their doom . quoth chamberlano , after banging i think them hardly worth the banging ; yet i presume they may be try'd well , and sent to place ycliped bridewel . thou hitt'st it right , quoth hudibras , and so they unto chamber pass , the fairest in the place , you may believe whatever others say ; in length it was full fourteen yards , in breadth sme twelve , measure , richaurds ; the floor , for comers , strew'd with rushes ; chimney set out with boughs and bushes ; the walls , in stead of tapestry , were hung about with history , as those of the prodigal son , and judgment just of solemon , in capitals most fairly writ , to take the eye , and 〈…〉 upon the ceiling one might see clouds of mens names in candlery , who had been patrons to the place , and penny spent in putting case ; in window laid was lavendare , of which the cushions smelt most rare , with pots of flowers very pleasing to put a man into a sneezing : in midst of room a table stood , which certainly was made of wood ; the superfices of it was a carpet , which for green may pass t' avoid disputes , but to say true , it might as well be ta'ne for blue , or any colour else , or none at all , howere 't shall pass for one , richly strip'd or'e with dregs of ale , which from o're charg'd cups seldom fail , and here and there you might discry a breach made by the enemy , who from mundungoes took its name , and wastes it self in smoak and flame , whose ashes fatal are to cloth , linnen , or woollen , all , or both : on each side table placed were stools joynted , and at end a chair , which was for worshipful , so please , but all was for the buttocks ease : and lights in sticks some place did fill there , some say were tin , but bright as silver : at end of room a bed did stand , whose posts were carv'd by cunning hand , faces good store , but ne'r a nose , and legs too , without feet or toes , vvhich either came by some disaster , or else he was not his arts master ; and yet perhaps he did express the art he had in ugliness ; for to do things exactly ill must needs shew ( though not judgment ) skill : about the teaster of the bed , and so on that they call the head , were painted bats ( like cherubs ) flying , to comfort souls when they are dying . but rouze my muse , y 'ave been too long upon the bed , pursue your song ; for clio ( as some authors ken ) doth sing the worthy deeds of men , so all this while it may be sed , we have been singing knights to bed : therefore no harm to ears that have no mind to hear , nor those that crave . and now we come unto the point , by this time squires had truckt for joint of mutton , or some whole some food , which they knew was for body good , and brought up word unto the knights , who bid withdraw awhile you wights , pointing to prisoners who stood gaping , as damsel did , who long'd for japing , a word the gipseys much affect , and held by these in like respect ; for they have travell'd north and south , with it , and tenant is to mouth , which though they throw out now , and then , they entertain with joy agen ; but ere the creature was brought up ; or that the knights had ta'ne a sup , on these main words , put case , and whether , the knights condogg'd , knockt jolls together , at last for private reasons they did think it fit the wights should stay ; for held it was a point of state , that prisoners should on table wait . after a hem , sir hudibras bespake and said , alas , alas ! begar , quoth monsieur , here be none , me scorn your vards , me vill be gone . there 's no such haste , then quoth sir guill . our enmity is not so ill to have you lose part of the supper , and therefore stay : marty come up here ; quoth hudibras , must you be treated , vvhom we but lately have defeated ? begar ( quoth quack ) vid all mine heart me take de supper in good part ; me be no angry vid dat ; dough me be mad at me know vat . then chamberlano cloth did lay , vvhich had not seen sun many a day , and salt sat down with little loss , its cell was part of charing-cross . in equipage most formidable all things were fitted for the table . then hudibras bid all be bare , lend ear to grace ( but none was there ) his eyes and hands did make dumb shows , his tongue ( too ) and his very nose ; but this fume did not last him long , his stomach to the meat was strong : quoth he , give trenchers to the wretches , let them attend while colon stretches . ma foy , me understand no dis , quoth quack , trencher in handa , pis — bougra shack-dog , me serving man ! dat in de pock have de largent ! oh have you so , youth hudibras ? we 'll see anon if it will pass : sit down , and let your servants eat with squires so good , we 'll leave 'em meat . pour boon begar , 't is all a mode , quoth quack , pour men travel de rode. so they fall to 't with teeth and knives , and throw about 'em for their lives . they little leisure had to prate , and so avoided all debate : to wit , had stomachs like to horse , and had not time to finde discourse ; they did so pay shoulder a mutton , that morsel scarce was left there uppon for squires and charge , whose looks so meager declar'd that they to eat were eager . quoth hudibras , squires take away , victual your camps , but do not stay long by 't ; and hear me , send up pease , they will our appetites appease : dispatch , for business great ( you know ) effect we must ere sleep we do . so down go squires , and into room where hogo did from stable come : they put capono and his wench where neither stool was , nor yet bench , but forms a couple by good hap , and table too , ( to take a snap ) some four foot high , and two yards long , with legs of wood supported strong : and therefore authors say the word implies ( in very truth ) a board . there us'd tapstero and ostiero to play at putt for cans of beer , ho. on board or table was set down the burthen'd dish with meatless bone ; and straight out of the kitchen popt a wench that had in dripping sopt : 't is true , her hands were not so white as theirs that lie in gloves all night : no matter though some speak 'em foul , she was a good condition'd soul , and meerly in good will did bring a clout , sh 'ad newly been wrinsing . after it serv'd had dish and pot , and came from dresser reaking hot , oh fie ( quoth she ) are you without a cloth ? then down she dropt her clout , and spreaded it to best advantage , ( in cloth sometimes there may be scantage ) and so they fell to picking bone , which was snatcht at by every one , vvith many a wink - contrived slip , and happy he could get a snip only for damsel carv'd was knuckle , and she as stoutly with 't did buckle ; quoth squires , are there no peason left for us , who are with hunger cleft ? hunger you know is very keen , or ( as some have it ) sharp , which e'en vvill break stone walls through ; then what hath man to defend him , who 's but lath ? quoth squire , come bring us ( and then drinks ) onions and cheese to fill up chinks ; vvhich they chop down with far more ease then dogs ( in summer ) snap up fleas . i might say something of the becks , the winkings , and their counter-checks , simprings , and treading on the toes , excuses ( too ) to pluck a rose , vvhich ( for squires sake ) distressed dam. sel us'd to make , when loose i' th' ham ; but i conceive they will advance matter enough for some romance ; so i acquit my self the pains that do attend those busie-brains and unto hudibras , who now summons his wits , and knits his brow , crosses the proverb ( like a gull ) grows angry when his belly 's full , stroaks up his forehead with a grace , and looks hat-lining in the face , mutters a word or two to self , then call's , where 's chamberlain that elf ? to clear the board , or tapster , he may do the office if need be : and so about the room he struts , like him that newly fill'd had guts ; or as 't is said of crow in gutter , his arms like wings about did flutter : he rubs his elbow , then his pate , call up the squires , ( quoth he ) 't is late , and bid 'em bring with them their charge , my word is a mandamus large enough ; all consultations are ripest at night , as th' romans were ; the mornings dew the poets suck , that makes 'em poor , ( the worser luck ) their friend aurora doth inspire their fancies but with early fire , not well grown up , a sainting light , vvhen weighty matters require night , and in the states-mans cabinet , vve there fore will in councel set . but here sir hudibras mistook , and went a mile beside his book , for he that is a poet right , doth court the morn , and weds the night : and such as have the happy fate to steer a stage , can steet a state. the squires at call obedient were , and to their arms did soon repair ; the prisoners were conducted up , after they 'd ta'ne a lusty sup of knocking ale , though liquor muddy , it in their cheeks rais'd colours ruddy . quoth hudibras , draw neerer you , and you jack-daw get to your crew , speaking quack , be me shack-daw ? ( quoth he ) you be shack-nape , pishaw — me no care dis — begar me be a gentlehome in mine country , me tell you dat , better den you , vat den ? may foy me speak de true . quoth hudibras , thou sawcy wight , compare how dar'st thou with sir knight ? him , into whose more powerful hands confiscate are thy life and lands , as thou shalt see , soon after tryal sentence shall pass without denyal . so he surveighs the room , and where solomon painted was set's chair , and seats self in 't ; quoth he , before we handle th' matter shut the dore , and snuff the candles , they burn dim : the squire with haste obeyed him . then hudibras bid 'em sit down at tables end , and mind their own , which was their armes ; then frown he threw at prisoners , might have made them spew their suppers up ; but when he saw it had no power upon their maw , he finds another way , and blisters sir guillielmo's ears with whispers ; at fingers ends he pleads their cases , ( the ancient way us'd by arbaces : ) and as his head and fingers plaid , quoth capon , sure he 's of our traid ; mark , master , if he can refrain to shew in part legerdemain ; i , now again ; he do'st with ease , and has more roguish tricks then these ; fear not , i warrant we are quit , hang him , he has a pestilent wit. sudden as thunder ( that soures beer ) as lowd too , he bids wretches hear , for now his anger is grown hot , and a fools bolt is soonest shot ; ) are you asham'd to shew your faces ? then to the brown cow turn your arses , ( a militia word much us'd in scotland , though by some abus'd , and signifies to face about , true , we might here have left it out : ) he riseth from his chir , and straight fills it again , to shew his state ; supports his whiskers with fore-finger , bites thumb , instead of candi'd ginger , which , if you dare to take my word , at that time house could not afford ; but don de fogo ( by relation ) speaks it a sign of indignation , a menacement unto the foe ; and it may well be taken so , from hence the ancient proverb comes , the angry man will eat his thumbs : but in another sense we find the matter of a different kind . as when o'er coward one prevails , he swears he 'll make him eat his nails : yet seriously consider'd , we find not the sense to disagree , for nail to thumb 's a noted friend , and holds out to the very end , so that if nail a sufferer be , the thumb must share by sympathy ; so much for that , and now to him y cliped hudibras the grim , and yet he 'll smile , but then beware , for sure it is against the hair ; quoth he , 't is fit we should take care ( imprimis ) to know what you are , from whence you came , and what you do in england , not a place for you : we have no vagrant people here , but what are punisht most severe ; and if you do transgress our laws , you are condemn'd for the same cause . your lex ( quoth quack ) me no concern , vat's dat to dee ver me vas born , me be no esham'd of mi countree , me be a frenshman de parree : 't is no fourboon to use me dus , ven anglond be in leagne vid us . that makes not for you a bare word , quoth hudibras , so thumpt the board vvith fist as hard , as who should say , vvhat misehief's this , would it were day ; for arguments grew on apace , and so did night put case to case ; if thest or murder you commit , quoth he , pray , who shall pardon it ? th' offence done here ; good mr. slus ter , must not the mercy come from us ? begar ( quoth quack ) me be no sush man , me travell'd swed . ital. and dushland , nay par ma foy all de varld o're , and me ner'e vas serv'd dus before . quoth hudibras , what made you to about you call so base a crew of tag and rag , lew'd hair-brain'd fellows , many of them deserving gallows ? this will be found an insurrection , to which the law denys protection ; in time of peace to raise a rude and giddy-headed multitude , to break the peace ! — no , no , begar ( quoth quack ) you break a de peace vid var , you draw de sword , and cock de pistall , come down sa , sa , ven dey ver whist all ; begar you break a de peace me say . quoth hudibras , an asse will bray , and so dost thou ; i tell thee , this crime is indictable , that ' t is . ditable ! vat be dat ? quoth he , me no it understand , fi , fi . quoth hudibras , what do we know but you come here to stir up foe ; to set the needy cavaleers and us together by the ears , that money have , which they do want , and for't will fight like tarmagant , and so our valours be upbraided , and every road be ambuscaded ; this we interpret may a plot to raise a new warr , is it not , bro. gill. ? now he of speech was slow , because he would not his teeth show , and to avoid the carping might upon his words and judgment light , which shew'd his wisdom , and intent , by silence still to give consent ; for the best way to shun dispute , is to say nothing , or he mute . so on sir hudibras proceeds ; and aggravates quack's foule misdeeds , so high , and with so strong a sence , you 'd wonder it should come from thence , begar ( quoth quack ) you be de strange man in de varl , your vit do range ; me tell you one , two , tree , fore times , me be no born here in your climes , me be de frenchman , profess physsick , me cure de pock , de cough , de tissick , de ish , de gout , the ash in bones , and me begar can cut your stones . how 's that ? quoth wrathfull hudibras , that word shan't unrevenged pass : a purse ( too ) can you cut ? quoth he , and pick a pocket if need be ? or are employ'd by those that do , to draw the main end up , the crew ? me no endure dis ting , nor dat , quoth quack , come hedder , shew de pat. capon , vid hands of approbation from de college , pour tolleration , from potentates , and mighty princes , dat in de varld de like not since is . quoth hudibras , oh is it so , you kill , cum privilegio ; ensnar'd you are by this account , and crimes on crimes super-amount , for murder , or the like , there is no help left for you saving this , shew something sign'd by parliament , or oliver , to that intent , and wee 'l acquit you , give you o're , else we proceed must as before : what say you for your self ? dis be ( quoth quack ) may foy very pretty ; vat do me need hands from sush tings , ven me have got de hands of kings ? me never did seek after them . your words ( quoth hudibras ) condemn your self ; but e're we sentence pass , come hither fellow with your lass : what trade art thou ? ( quoth capon ) none ; i thank my parents , i 'm but one of thirteen that is lest alive , the rest grigg . did of breath deprive . 't is fit thou make up bakers dozen , ( quoth hudibras ) not hangman cozen . and what are you , there , mistriss minks ? with cheeks that look like drooping pinks ? what trade do you drive 'mong these fellows ? are you vvhore-ripe ( too ) for the gallows ? at which the squires look't very sad , fearing her case would prove but bad . quoth she , i must confess i am ( and 't please your vvorship ) what i am , and have a long time foliow'd this french doctor here for had-i-wiss . art thou a man , of art thou vvoman ? quoth hudibras , for both are common . quoth she , i 'm of the weaker sex , ●●d bless your worship , vivat rex . what 's that , quoth he , you mutter'd last ? i doubt y' are male beneath the waste , for as some authors well have noted , youths have been sometimes petticoated ; if so , there must be danger in 't , statutes against it live in print : search her , examine all the nicks , for i do hate those players tricks . glad of the office , squires begin to strip her to the very skin . quoth capon , hold , to end the strife , and 't please you ( sir ) she is my wife , a woman right . yes ( sir ) quoth she , your men know that as well as he . she had a quick and piercing sight , and found they servants were to knight . nay then ( quoth hudibras ) if she be leefull lawful wife to thee , enquire no further ; squires forbear , and touch not the forbidden ware , quoth she , i thank your love for that , your men i knew would harm me not . quoth hudibras , friend , take her to thee , and many a good turn may she do thee : his passion ( now ) left to be wild , as sleep came on , so he grew mild , he found the night look monsterous grim , and morpheus had surprized him , he gapes , and yawnes , and nods his head , ( summons that call mortals to bed ) what is 't a clock ( quoth he ) d'ye think ? ( one would have thought he'ad been in drink ) sure it draws neer to break of day , and i have something more to say : oh brother , that you could me help , but you are better skill'd in kelp ( for which he was about go get a patent , but was chous'd of it : ) since then ( quoth he ) the charge is mine , to quicken spirits fill some wine ; and having ta'ne a glass or two , as cicero did use to do , when he in councel sat up late , for benefit of roman state ; he temples rub'd to whet his wits , and gravely down again he sits : quoth he , your crimes are great i know ; but we to anger ( now ) are slow ; justice is pictur'd blind , and the reason is , cause she will not see , and though some say she is impartial , 't is found contrary in each martial , or that she should not lend an ear to this , or that , for love , or fear . now that we fear you not , you know , and love you can't , what snake in bo - some ? for you are our enemies , twixt these extreams , ( then ) your case lyes ; so that a moderate way we must find out , or you are all but dust ; and that must full of honour be , or else we loose the glory , we by conquest won ; and now i hit it , ( this 't is to be so ready witted ) by laws of armes we are to give quarter to him desires to live ; what he is master of is ours , excepting life , all 's in our powers ; for such ner'e valour ▪ understood , that kills his enemy in cool blood ; it murder is conceiv'd by some , of which wee 'l wash our hands , come , come ; now one would think he call'd for water , but mark , i pray , what follow'd after ; we made you prisoners by our might , and all you have is ours by right ; but as the truly generous spirit minds nothing more then honours merrit , so all the plundex is our due we gratis do restore to you , and as you are parte penpale● , but half soul'd things , and therefore frail , wee 'l grant you so your liberty , as may with honour best agree ; there 's several wayes , which are not strange , upon p●●ol , or in exchange : now fortune was so just a guide , that all the losse was on your side , and there the case does differ much , prisoners you are , you have none such ; others have left a guage behind 'till their return , which is to bind ; but wee 'l direct a neerer way for you to walk , without more stay , y 'ave plentifully fed on food , and therefore 't is but reason good , without more words , or further beckoning , you presently discharge the reckoning , then cast your caps up all , and cry , long live our noble enemy . begar me vill do no sush ting , quoth quack , me say , viva de king , of mine countrey ; vat me to do to make sush preachament pour you ? me no deny to pay mine share , pour mine self , and mine servants dear , and me vill pay no more begar , pour all you be de man of warr. i tell you once again , y' are dust , if you deny a thing so just , quoth hudibras ; if we once fly on , you 'l find what 't is to wake a lion ; have we you treated more like friends then enemies , ands this the mends ? squires to your arms , seize all they have , only their dirty vitals save : now hudibras begins to rant , lo what it is for man to want sleep ; man but two eyes has in 's head , must they be ever opened ? what serves lids for , who ( like watch-cases ) should close eyes up safe in their places ? but when the brains boyl their pot , then are the lids made fiery hot , and stifie , they cannot shut the eyes , and there 't is thought the reason lyes . the squires the foe do hunch and justle , but 't was in vain for quack to bussle , his party was to weak : quoth he , me vill pay de reck'nen jesvous pres ; all , quoth the squires , or none : me vill pay all , quoth he , but hold you still ▪ it be no boon fashion to pay , me tink , till me do go avay , me do not at de reckonen grush , dough me do tink it very mush , de jentlehome , de traveller , pishaw , do no such ting begar , dey stayin inn pershanse two , tree dayes , four boon , but pay no penny till dey do mount chivall , and den dey call mine host take de recknen , me now loge here dis night , alles , in de morning me cry ver be ye , and dischrage house vid all mine soul. quoth hudibras , upon parole depart you may , that is to bed , be sure you keep to what y 'ave said , and e're your journey , in the morn bring me a plaister for my corn. wee , wee , quoth quack , me cure you all be sis a clock , or diablo fall : which reach'd not hudibras his ears , 't was mutter'd as they went , down stairs . quoth squires , wee 'l toss a cup or two ( when knights are safe in bed ) with you . vid all mine heart , ( quoth quack ) me'l stay one , two , tree oures pour you ma foy . the knights hasten to bed apace : and squires their armout do unbrace , ( yclyped doublets ) ostler call to pull off boors , clean 'em withall ; then down in bed , not bed of down , but such as serv'd ( when came to town ) tom carrier , knights their bodies lay , and bid the squires take lights away ; dispatch to bed , and special care take of portmantua that was there ; for truckling there was none in room , unless on rushes they would strome ( which some call streieht ) themselves , and so take key , shut door , and down they go to seek a roosting place , and spend some time with damosel their friend , and quack , whose gibberish pleas'd 'em much , capono ( too ) for wit , none such , with little search they find 'em out , in a ground-chamber , hung about with cobwebs of the finest thred , truckle there was , but ne're a bed , a decent matt there was indeed , of sheets or rugg they had no need , th' weather was insulting hot , and fleas would vex where they would not have 'em ; and so to mend the matter they drink about , and no words scatter . at last ( as if 't had been allotted ) the squires ( 't was said ) were shrewdly potred , and sleep they must , then down on mat they threw themselves , left cloak and hat ; but subtle quack , and 's crafty crew slept not , they 'd something else to do . by this time day began to peep , and fellows heard cry , chimney sweep , which serves as clock to call up bess , harry , or will , to mind bus'nes , especially the kitchin-maid , to make fires that o're night she laid : in the mean while quack was not idle , ( cunning as horse had bit o th' bridle : ) the damsel ( one that would be thriving ) in the squires pockets fell to diving : their cloaks were packt up ' mongst the luggage , ( thus men are serv'd when they are sluggish : ) the gates but newly open'd were , all things were husht , and coast was clear , and so unseen they huddle out into the street , then wheel about : some minutes after folks 'gan rowze from beds , and shew heads out of house , to be in readiness for fair , some to shew tricks , some sell their ware , and some to see , and some to buy , that in purse had but a penny ; and now the streets began to fill , while knights and squires lye dormant still , regardless of their late mishap , nor dreaming of an after clap . but as things strangely come to pass , so happen'd it with hudibras ; right underneath his window , there was plac'd a shew , and trumpeter , who to intice the people in , did make a most prodigious , din , and as the knack on 't is , another did answer him , whom he call'd brother , so that by repercusions they were got a note beyond ela , eccho'd by others in the fair , as though they meant to rend the air , this startl'd hudibras , who slew ( like lightning ) out of bed , and drew ( in shirt ) his whynniard , what are we betray'd ? rise brother guill , quoth he ; hark , the whole town is up in arms ; on every side we have alarms , let 's dye like men , and not be shin in bed , or like tame pigeons ta'n out of our roost , but dare the foe , take horse , and boldly mongst , 'em go . quoth then sir guill . this cannot be our late defeated enemy , for they securely sleep in house , as sure as gournets do in sowse , it rather must be some old plot newly broak forth , say , is it not ? quoth hudibras , it may be so , get up , and we shall better know . quoth then sir guill , this is a base , ( and to our side ) a cursed place ; i love not fighting so neer th' water , doubting the danger may come after . quoth hudibras , 't is but a sound , it born t' be hang'd you 'l here be drown'd ; besides , wee 'l make our peace with these prisoners we have ; the wench will please , that was well thought on , quoth sir guill , i will get up , i that i will. where are our squires , they come not near : sure they are half struck dead with fear . the chamberlain is call'd , to call the squires , to bind the prisoners all : unwillingly they rise from mats and shake their heads like two drown'd rats , they mist the monfleur and his mates , their cloaks and hats too , scratch'd their pates for madness they should be serv'd so ; ( but there 's no truth in fawning foe . ) after strict search th' squires fell to weeping , must we then pay so dear for sleeping ? quoth they , th' worse luck : oh thou she fiend , we thought thou wouldst have prov'd our friend , knights call'd above ( in sume no doubt ) to bring up boots , and be let out ; the squires in haste thrust hands in pockets ( their wits were quite out of the sockets ) to feel for key , and misse their money , their watches ( too ) oh c — c — how basely dost thou deal with man ? ( but all the mischief that it can ) if ever we meet thee agen , for this trick , we will shew thee ten : so up they went , in pitious plights , and told all to their masters , knights . how , how ( in rage ) quoth hudibras , durst they depart without my pass ? or bringing medicine for my corn , i 'le make 'em rue they e're were born , if i do find 'em ' mongst the foe ; for forth i will , and forth i 'le goe . ask chamberlain if they have paid the reck'ning , of which i 'm afraid : no sir , quoth they , they ne're thought on 't , our cloaks and hats top marcht upon 't , ( money , nor watches , durst not name , they better should have watcht the same . ) how , robb'd , and cheated too ( oh gull ! ) this 't is to be so merciful , quoth hudibras , can none discry where , and how strong 's the enemy ? quoth squire ( one ) here is kept a fair , to which all comers welcome are , no greater foe assuredly , then hobby-horse , and puppet-try . the greatest foe of all , and they hall dearly for your losses pay , quoth hudibras ; among that rout the others sculke , wee 'l find 'em out . first , there is shewn the deadly sins , which with the box keeper begins ; jane shores disgrace , and lamentation , ( a concubine not now in fashion . ) then david , and vriah's wife , and doctor faustus to the life : with many trifles more , which do allude unto prophaneness too ; abomination ' mongst 'em dwells , of which i mean to rid their cells , and clear the streets of superstition , and its idolatrous condition . then knights mount steeds , and at a word ( in one hand pistol , t'other sword ) the squires on foot the horse attend , ( the readier to find out false-friend . ) they star'd about , folk thought 'em mad , ( for neither cloak nor hat they had : ) as soon as they were got in street , the people ran ( as it was meet ) and at next door their malice lights , ( which lately had disturb'd the knights . ) quoth hudibras , fall on , fall on , and spare not there a mothers son : at which the folk , forsook the sight , and left the puppets in sad plight , some lost a cloak , and some a hat , which to the squires came very pat ; the box with money flew about , for which they were not grown so stout as not to stoop ; they thought on quack , and then the puppets went to wrack ; they cut what er'e they hit upon , down comes the tower of babylon . quoth fellow , pox upon you , sir , for spoiling nabuchadnezer , his nose was cut out ill before , but now you have abus'd it more , how think you after this disgrace hee 's able to look beast in face ? they mind him not , but out they bring , as captive bound , babylons king : and in their havock grow more bold , they pull down rag , which story told , and as a trophee bear 't before sir hudibras , and one knight more , to wit , sir guill . so on they trot , with all the pillage they had got , greedy of more , but were prevented by butchers stout , that fair frequented , who seeing squires quoyle to keep , and , men to run faster then sheep , quoth they ( to people ) what d' ye fear ? there 's neither bull got loose , nor bear , and will you seem to make escape from fencing fools , and jack-a-nape on horse-back ? clad in coat of plush ? yet looks but like a sloe on bush : keep , keep your ground ) wee 'l force 'em back , or may — we never money lack . then out they snap , and towser call , two cunning currs , , that would not bawl , but slily fly at throat , or tail , and in their course would seldome fail : the butchers hoot , the dogs fall on , the horses kick , and wince , anon , down comes spruce valour to the ground , and both sir knights laid in a swound , they like stout horsemen kept the saddle , as long as ever they were able ; but such as honour forward pricks . must now and then expect horse-tricks . the squires with grief ran hom to quarters to hang themselves , had they found garters : man should not trust to fortune more then to a sodometick-whore , whose best of actions are by night , so , as she 's blind , she hates the light . this hudibras ( who not long since did think himself a perty prince ) does sorely find , on sides and guts , ( oh out upon such fickle sluts . ) so out o th' bowels of compassion , knights were sed home in an odd fashion , where we will leave 'em for recovery , and then set forth a new discovery . finis . the printer to the reader . the author having not time to attend the 〈◊〉 mistakes have happened ( but not 〈◊〉 very grosse ) which is desired , thou wilt either passe by ; or amend , with thy pen. farewell . another ballad called the libertines lampoone, or, the curvets of conscience to the tune of thomas varner, or / written by the authour of the geneva ballad. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : or : ) another ballad called the libertines lampoone, or, the curvets of conscience to the tune of thomas varner, or / written by the authour of the geneva ballad. butler, samuel, - . broadside. printed for f.k. and edward thomas, and are to be sold at his shop ..., london : . geneva ballad "attributed to samuel butler"--nuc pre- imprints. reproductions of originals in chetham's library and british library. identified as b in reel guide; in wing (cd-rom, ) as a . created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng political ballads and songs -- england. conscience. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion another ballad : called the libertines lampoone : or , the curvets of conscience . to the tune of , thomas venner , or . written by the authour of the geneva ballad as i examin'd my conscience , all by my self ; my head was full of nonsence : after seven times turning , worse then a burning , i found she was a wayward elf. ceremonious oaths , and humane laws offend her , she 's constant as a weather-cock , and as a milstone tender ; e'ne such another protestant , as the old witch of ender . halloo my conscience whither wilt thou go . treason she says is religion , sacriledge zeal ; a crow she calls a pidgeon : she tells you surther , plundering and murther , do service to the common-weal . justice she esteemeth to be a very slow thing , power ecclesiastick , she reckons as a low thing , and for an act of parliament she counts it next to nothing ; halloo my conscience , &c. a nonconformist to please her , lately declar'd : she 's more a prince then caesar ; say what she will say , these fellows still say , she must and ought to be heard . though mallice can corrupt her , and avarice can taint her , pride can blow her up , and hypocrisie can paint her , and when truth cryes her down sedition can saint her . halloo my conscience , &c. changes she can ring a hundred more then are good , else it might be wondred , in the mutations , of these three nations how upon her legs she hath stood . for under the old rumpers she was enforc'd to truckle , cromwel and his janisaries made her glad to buckle , and when the king came in , she got the trick to s●●ckle . halloo my conscience , &c. when smec and the independent began to clash : she could foresee the end on 't ; and as soon as the day first brake at breda , she kept her self out of the lash . although of the surplice she never had a rag on , of all her nimble tricks , this she hath cause to brag on , she pitcht upon her feet when bell fought with the dragon halloo my , &c. quite from bending and bowing , she is declin'd : to theeing , and to thouing , sects and perswasions all modes and fashions , of every sort and kind . she was a brownist lately , an anabaptist newly , and then she fell to plainly , verily and truly : but errors have no end , and factions want a thule . halloo my , &c. such is her intricate winding no man can trace , she loaths to hear of binding : she 's free and willing , although it be by killing to run the fanatick race . he that can restrain her , may fix the stars that wander , cure the fits of jealousie , or gag the mouth of slander : sail without a rudder , and rectifie meander . halloo my , &c. drunk with the doctrine of tub men see how she reels , from men of law to club-men , this way and that way , no man knows what way , unsteadfast as phaetons wheels : in faith none more fervent , in charity none colder , as fiery as bucephalus , and then blind byard bolder : she 's too untame for earth , and none but hell can hold her . i , i , 't is thither , thither , she may go . london , printed for f. k. and edward thomas , and are to be sold at his shop at the adam and eve in little brittain , . hudibras written in the time of the late wars. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) hudibras written in the time of the late wars. butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. [s.n.], london : . crowned rose and thistle on t.p. on verso of t.p.: imprimatur. jo. berkenhead. novemb. , . attributed to samuel butler. cf. bm. first unauthorized edition of the first part. cf. bm. errata: p. . reproduction of original in huntington library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (oxford) sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion hudibras . the first part . written in the time of the late wars . london , printed in the year , . imprimatur . to : berkenhead . novemb. . hudibras . the argument of the first canto . sir hudibras his passing worth , the manner how he sally'd farth : his arms and equi age are shown ; his horse's vertues , and his own . th' adventure of the bear and fiddle is sung , but breaks off in the middle . canto . when civil dudgeon first grew ( high , and men fell out they knew not ( why ; when hard words , jealousies and fears , set folks together by the ears , and made them fight , like mad or drunk , for dame religion as for punk , whose honesty they all durst swear for , though not a man of them knew wherefore : when gospel-trumpeter , surrounded with long-ear'd rout , to batrel sounded , and pulpit , drum ecclesiastick , was beat with s●…t , instead of a stick : then did sir knight abandon dwelling , and out le rode colonelling . a wight he was , whose very sight wou'd entitle him mirrour of knighthood ; that never bow'd his stubborn knee to any thing but chivalry , nor put up blow , but that which laid right worshipfull on shoulder-blade : chief of domestick knights and errant , either for chartel or for warrant : great on the bench , great in the saddle , that could as well bind o're , as swaddle : mighty he was at both of these , and styl'd of war as well as peace . ( so some rats of amphibious nature , are either for the land or water . ) but here our authors make a doubt , whether he were more wise , or stout . some hold the one , and some the other : but howsoe're they make a pother , the difference was so small , his brain outweigh'd his rage but half a grain : which made some take him for a tool that knaves do work with , call'd a fool. for 't has been held by many , that as mountaigne , playing with his cat , complains she thought him but an ass , much more she would sir hudibras . but they 'r mistaken very much , 't is plain enough he was no such . we grant , although he had much wit , h' was very shie of using it , as being loath to wear it out , and therefore bore it not about , unless on holydayes , or so , as men their best apparel do . beside 't is known he could speak greek , as naturally as pigs squeek : that latin was no more difficile , than to a blackbird 't is to whistle . being rich in both he never scanted his bounty unto such as wanted ; but much of either would afford to many that had not one word . for hebrew roots , although th' are found to flourish most in barren ground , he had such plenty , as suffic'd to make some think him circumcis'd : and truly so he was perhaps , not as a proselyte , but for claps . he was in logick a great critick , profoundly skill'd in analytick . he could distinguish , and divide a hair 'twixt south and south-west side : on either which he would dispute , confute , change hands , and still confute . he 'd undertake to prove by force of argument , a man 's no horse . he 'd prove a buzzard is no fowl , and that a lord may be an owl ; a calf an alderman , a goose a justice , and rooks committee-men and trustees . he 'd run in debt by disputation , and pay with ratiocination . all this by syllogism , true in mood and figure , he would do . for rhetorick , he could not ope his mouth , but out there flew a trope : and when he hapned to break off i' th middle of his speech , or cough , h' had hard words ready , to shew why , and tell what rules he did it by . else when with greatest art he spoke , you 'd think he talk'd like other foke . but when he pleas'd to shew 't , his speech in loftiness of sound was rich , a babylonish dialect , which learned pedants much affect . it was a particolour'd dress of patch'd and pyball'd languages : 't was english cut on greek and latin , like fustian heretofore on sattin . it had an odde promiscuous tone , as if h 'had talk'd three parts in one . which made some think when he did gabble , th' had heard three labourers of babel ; or cerberus himself pronounce a leash of languages at once . this he as volubly would vent , as if his stock would ne'r be spent . and truly to support that charge he had supplies as vast and large . for he could coyn or counterfeit new words , with little or no wit : words so debas'd and hard , no stone was hard enough to touch them on . and when with hasty noise he spoke 'em , the ignorant for currant took ' em . in mathematicks he was greater then tycho brahe or erra pater : for he by geometrick scale . could take the size of pots of ale ; resolve by sines and tangents straight , if bread or butter wanted weight ; and wisely tell what hour o' th' day the clock does strike , by algebra . beside he was a shrewd philosopher , and had read every text and gloss over : what every sceptick could inquere for ; for every why he had a wherefore : knew more than forty of them do , as far as words and terms could go . all which he understood by rote , and as occasion serv'd , would quote ; no matter whether right or wrong : they might be either said or sung . his notions fitted things so well , that which was which he could not tell ; but oftentimes mistook the one for th' other , as great clerks have done . he 'd tell wl ere entity and quiddity , the ghosts of defunct bodies , flie ; where truth in person does appear , like words congeal'd in northern air. he knew what 's what , and that 's as high as met aphysick wit can flie . in school-divinity as able as he that hight irrefragable ; a second thomas , or , at once to name them all , another dunce . for he a rope of sand could twist , as tough as learned sorbonist ; and weave fine cobwebs , fit for ; skull that 's empty when the moon is full ; such as take lodgings in a head that 's to be let unfurnished . he could raise scruples dark and nice , and after solve 'em in a trice : as if divinity had catch'd the itch , of purpose to be scratch'd : or , like a mountebank , did wound and stab her self with doubts profound , only to shew with how small pain the sores of faith are cur'd again ; although by wofull proof we find , they alwayes leave a scar behind . he knew the seat of paradise , could tell in what degree it lies : what adam dreamt of when his bride came from her closet in his side : whether the devil tempted her by a high dutch interpreter : if either of them had a navel ; who first made musick malleable : whether the serpent at the fall had cloven feet , or none at all . all this , without a glosse o●… comment , he would unriddle in a moment in proper terms , such as men smatter when they throw out and misse the matter . for his religion it was fit to match his learning and his wit : t was presbyterian true blew , for he was of that stubborn crew of errant saints , whom all men grant to be the true church militant : such as do build their faith upon the holy text of pike and gun ; decide all controversies by infallible artillery ; and prove their doctrine orthodox by apostolick blows and knocks ; call fire , and sword , and desolation , a godly-thorough-reformation , which alwayes must be carry'd on , and still be doing , never done : as if religion were intended for nothing else but to be mended . a sect , whose chief devotion lies in odde perverse antipathies ; in falling out with that or this , and finding somewhat still amiss : more peevish , crosse , and spleenatick , then dog distract , or monky sick : that with more care keep holy-day the wrong , then others the right way : still so perverse and opposite , as if they worshipp'd god for spight , the self-same thing they will abhor one way , and long another for . free-will they one way disavow . another , nothing else allow . all piety consists therein in them , in other men all sin. rather then faile , they will defie that which they love most tenderly ; quarrel with minc'd pyes , and disparrage their best and dearest friend , plum-porredge ; fat pig and goose it self oppose , and blaspheme custard through the nose . th' apostles of this fierce religion , like mahomet's , were asse and wigeon , to whom out knight by fast instinct of wit and temper was so linkt , as if hypocrisie and non-sense , had got the advouson of his conscience . thus was he gifted and accouter'd , we mean on th' inside , not the outward : that next of all we shall discuss ; then listen sits , it followeth thus . his tawny beard was th' equall grace both of his wisdome and his face ; in cut and dy so like a ●…e , a sudden view it would beguile : the upper part thereof was whey , the nether orange mixt with gray . this hairy meteor did denounce the fall of scepters and of crowns ; with grizly type did represent declining age of government ; and tell with hieroglyphick spade , it s own grave and the state 's were made . like sampson's heart-breakers , it grew in time to make a nation rue ; though it contributed its own fall , to wait upon the publick downfall . it was monastick , and did grow in holy orders , by strict vow ; of rule as sullen and severe , as that of rigid cordeliere . 't was bound to suffer persecution and marryrdom with resolution ; t' oppose it self against the hate and vengeance of th' incensed state. in whose defiance it was worn , still ready to be pull'd and torn , with red-hot irons to be tortur'd , revil'd , and spit upon , and martyr'd . maugre all which , 't was to stand fast as long as monarchy should last . but when the 〈◊〉 should hap to reel , 't was to submit to fatal steel , and fall , as it was consecrate a sacrifice to fall of state ; whose ●…hred of life fatal sisters did 〈◊〉 together with its whiskers , and twine so close , that time should never , in life or death , their fortunes sever ; but with his rusty sickle mow both down together at a blow . so learned taliacotius from the brawny part of porter's bum , cut supplemental noses , which would last as long as parent breech : but when the date of nock was out , off dropt the sympathetick snout . his back , or rather burthen , show'd as if it stoop'd with its own load . for as aene as bore his sire upon his shoulders through the fire : our knight did bear no less a pack of his own buttocks on his back : which now had almost got the upper - hand of his head , for want of crupper , to poize this equally , he bore a paunch of the same bulk before : which still he had a special care to keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare ; as white-pot , butter-milk , and curds , such as a country house affords ; with other victual , which anon we further shall dilate upon , when of his hose we come to treat , the cup-bord where he kept his meat . his doublet was of sturdy buff , and though not sword-yet cudgel-proof : whereby 't was fitter for his use , that sear'd no blows but such as bruise . his breeches were of rugged woolen , and had been at the siege of bullen ; to old king harry so well known , some writers held they were his own . through they were lin'd with many a piece of ammunition-bread and cheese , and fat black-puddings , proper food for warriers that delight in blood , for , as we said , he always chose to carry vittle in his hose . and though knights errant , as some think , of old did neither eat nor drink , because when thorough deserts vast and regions desolate they past , where belly-●…imber above ground o●… under was not to be found , unless they g●…az'd , there 's not one word of their provision on record : which made some confidently write , they had no stomachs , but to fight . 't is false : for arthur wore in hall round-table like a farthingal , on which , with shirt pull'd out behind ; and eke before , his good knights din'd . though 't was no table , some suppose , but a huge pair of round trunk-hose ; in which he carried as much meat as he and all his knights could eat , when laying by their swords and truncheons , they took their breakfasts and their nuncheons . but let that pass at present , lest we should forget where we dig rest : as learned authors use , to whom we leave it , and to th' purpose come . his puissant sword unto his side near his undaunted heart was ty'd , with basket-hilt , that would hold broth . and serve for fight and dinner both . in it he melted lead for bullets , to shoot at foes ; and sometimes pullets , to whom he bore so fell a grutch , he ne're gave quarter t' any such . the trenchant blade , toledo trusty , for want of fighting was grown rusty , and ate into it self for lack of somebody to hew and hack . the peaceful scabbard where it dwelt , the rancour of its edge had felt : for of the lower end two handful it had devour'd , 't was so manful ; and so much scorn'd to lurk in case , as if it durst not shew its face . in many desperate attempts , of warrants , exigents , contempts , it had appear'd with courage bolder then sergeant bum , invading shoulder . oft had it ta'ne possession , and pris'ners too , or made them run . this sword a dagger had his page , that was but little for his age : and therefore waited on him so , as dwarfs upon knights errant do . it was a serviceable dudgeon , either for fighting or for drudging . when it had stabb'd , or broke a head , it would scrape trenchers , or chip bread , toast cheese or bacon , though it were to bait a mouse-trap , 't would not care . 't would make clean shooes , and in the earth set leeks and onions , and so forth . it had been prentice to a brewer , where this and more it did endure . but left the trade , as many more have lately done on the same score . in th' holsters at his saddle-bow , two aged pistolls he did stow , among the surplus of such meat as in his hose he could not get . these would inveigle rats with th' scent , to forrage when the cocks were bent , and sometime catch 'em with a snap as cleverly as th' ablest trap . they were upon hard duty still , and every night stood centinel , to guard the magazine i' th' hose from two-legg'd and from four-legg'd foes . thus clad and fortify'd , sir knight from peaceful home set forth to fight , but first with nimble active force he got on th' outside of his horse . for having but one stirrup ty'd t' his saddle , on the further side , it was so short , h' had much ado to reach it with his desperate roe , but after many strains and heaves , he got up to the saddle eaves . from whence he vaulted into th' seat with so much vigour , strength , and heat , that he had almost tumbled over with his own weight , but did recover , by laying hold on tail and mane , which oft he us'd instead of reyn , but now we talk of mounting steed , before we further do proceed , it doth he hove us to say something , of that which bore our valiant bunkin . the beast was sturdy ; large and tall , with mouth of mea●… and eyes of wall : i would say eye , for h' had but one , as most agree , though some say none he was well stay'd , and in his gate preserv'd a grave , majestick state . at spur or switch no more he skipt , o●… mended pace , than spaniard whipt : and yet so fiery , he would bound , as if he griev'd to touch the ground . that caesar's horse , who , as fame goes , had corns upon his feet and toes , was not by half so tender-hooft , nor trod upon the ground so soft . and as that beast would kneel and stoop , ( some write ) to take his rider up : so hudibras his ( 't is well known ) would often do , to set him down . we shall not need to say what lack of leather was upon his back : for that was hidden under pad , and breech of knight gall'd full as bad . his strutting ribs on both sides show'd like furrows he himself had plow'd : for underneath the skirt of pannel , 'twixt every two there was a channel . his dragling tail hung in the dirt , which on his rider he would flurt still as his tender side he prickt , with arm'd heel , or with unarm'd kickt : for hudibras wore but one spur , as wisely knowing , could he stir to active tror one side of 's horse , the other would not hang an-arse . a squire he had whose name was ralph , that in th' adventure went his half . ( though writers , for more stately tone , do call him ralpho ; 't is all one : and when we can with meeter safe , we 'l call him so , if not plain raph. for rhyme the rudder is of verses , with which like ships they stea their courses . an equal stock of wit and valour he had laid in , by birth a taylor . the mighty tyrian queen that gain'd with subtle shreds a tract of land , did leave it with a castle fair to his great ancestor , her heir : from him descended cross-legg'd knights , fam'd for their faith , and warlike fights against the bloody canibal , whom they destroy'd both great and small . this sturdy squire had as well as the bold trojan knight , seen hell , not with a counterseited pass of golden bough , but true gold-lace . his knowledge was not far behind the knight's , but of another kind , and he another way came by 't : some call it gifts , and some new light ; a liberal art , that costs no pains of study , industry , or brains . his wits were sent him for a token , but in the carriage crackt and broken , like commendation nine-pence , crookt with to and from my love , it lookt . he ne're consider'd it , as loath to look a gift-horse in the mouth ; and very wisely would lay forth no more upon it then 't was worth . but as he got it freely , so he spent it frank and freely too . for saints themselves will sometimes be of gifts that cost them nothing free . by means of this , with hem and cough , prolongers to enlightned snuff , he could deep mysteries unriddle , as easily as thread a needle : for as of vagabonds we say , that they are ne're beside their way : whate're men speak by this new light , still they are sure to bei'th ' right . 't is a dark lanthorn of the spirit , which none see by but those that hear it : a light that falls down from on high , for spiritual trades to cousen by : an ignis fatuus , that bewitches , and leads men into pools and ditches , to make them dip themselves , and sound for christendome in dirty pond ; to dive like wild-fowle for salvation , and fish to catch regeneration . this light inspires , and playes upon the nose of saint , like bag-pipe-drone , and speaks through hollow empty soul , as through a trunk , or whisp'ring hole , such language as no mortal ear but spiritual eaves-droppers can hear . so phoebus or some friendly muse into small poets song infuse ; which they at second-hand rehearse through reed or bag-pipe , verse for verse . thus ralph became infallible , as three or four-legg'd oracle , the antient cup , or modern chair ; spoke truth point-blank , though unaware : for mystick learning , wondrous able in magick , talisman , and cabal , whose primitive tradition reaches as far as adam's first green breeches : deep-sighted in intelligences , idea's , atomes , influences ; and much of terra incognita ; th' intelligible world could say : a deep occult philosopher , as learn'd as the wild irish are , or sir agrippa ; for profound and solid lying much renown'd : he anthroposophus , and floud , and jacob behmen understood ; knew many an amulet and charm ; that would do neither good nor harm : in rosy-crucian lore as learned , as he that verè adeptus earned . he understood the speech of birds , as well as they themselves do words : could tell what subtlest parrots mean , that speak and think contrary clean ; what member 't is of whom they talk , when they cry rope , and walk , knave , walk . he 'd extract numbers out of matter , and keep them in a glasse , like water , of sov'raign pow'r to make men wise ; for dropt in blere , thick-sighted eyes , they 'd make them see in darkest night , like owls , though pur-blind in the light . by help of these ( as he profest ) he had first matter seen undrest : he took her naked all alone , before one rag of form was on . the chaos too he had descry'd , and seen quite through , or else he ly'd ; not that of past-board which men shew for groats at fair of bartholmew . but it s great grandsire , first o' th' name , whence that and reformation came : both cousin-germans , and right able t' inveigle and draw in the rabble . but reformation was , some say , o' th' younger house to puppet-play . he could fore-tell whats'oever was by consequence to come to pass . as death of great men , alterations , diseases , battels , inundations . all this without th' ecclipse of sur , ordreadfull corner , he hath done , by inward light , a way as good , and easie to be understood . but with more luckie hit then those that use to make the stars depose , like knights o' th' post , and falsely charge upon themselves what others forge : as if they were consenting to all mischief in the world mendo ; or like the dev'l , did tempt and sway'em to rogueries , and then betray ' em . they 'l search a planet's house , to know who broke and robb'd a house below : examine venus , and the moon , who stole a thimble , or a spoon : and though they nothing will confesse , yet by their very looks can gresse , and tell what guilty aspect bodes , who stole , and who receiv'd the goods . they 'l question mars , and by his look detect who 't was that nimm'd a cloke : make mercury consess and peach those thieves which he himself did teach . they 'l find i' th' physiognomies o' th' planets all mens destinies : like him that took the doctor 's bill , and swallow'd it instead o' th' piil . cast the nativity o' th question , and from positions to be guest on , as sure as if they knew the moment of natives birth , rell what will come on 't . they 'l feel the pulses of the stars , to find out agues , coughs , catarrhs ; and tell what crisis does divine the rot in sheep , or mange in swine : in men what gives or cures the itch , what makes them cuckolds , poor or rich : what gains or loses , hangs or saves ; what makes men great , what fools or knaves ; but not what wife , for only of those the stars ( they say ) cannot dispose , no more then can the astrologians . there they say right , & like true trojans . this ralpho knew , and therefore took , the other course , of which we spoke . thus was th' accomplish'd squire endu'd with gifts and knowledge , per'lous shrewd , never did trusty squire with knight , or knight with squire jump more right . their arms and equipage did fit , as well as vertues , parts , and wit. their valours too were of a rate , and out they sally'd at the gate , few miles on horseback had they jogged , but fortune unto them turn'd dogged . for they a sad adventure met , of which anon we mean to treat : but e'r we venture to unfold atchievements so resolv'd and bold , we should , as learned poets use , invoke th' assistance of some muse ; however criticks count it sillier then juglers talking to familiar , we think 't is no great matter which : they 'r all alike : yet we shall pitch on one that fits our purpose most , whom therefore thus we do accost . thou that with ale , or viler liquors , didst inspire withers , pryn , and vickars and force them , though it were in spight of nature and their stars to write ; who , as we find in sullen writs , and cross-grain'd works of modern wits , with vanity , opinion , want , the wonder of the ignorant , the praises of the author , penn'd by himself , or wit-ensuring friend , the itch of picture in the front , with bays , and wicked rhyme upon 't , all that is left o' th' forked hill to make men scribble without skill , canst make a poet , spight of fate , and teach all people to translate ; though out of languages in which they understand no part of speech : assist me but this once , i'mplore , and i shall trouble thee no more . in western clime there is a town to those that dwell therein well known ; therefore there needs no more be sed here , we unto them refer our reader : for brevity is very good , when w' are , or are not understood . to this town people did repair on dayes of market , or of fair , and to crack'd fiddle , and hoarse tabor in merriment did drudge and labour : but now a sport more formidable , had rak'd together village rabble . ' i was an old way of recreating , which learned butchers call bearbailing : a bold advent'rous exercise , with antient hero's in high prize ; for authors ●…o affirm it came from isthmian or nemean game . others derive it from the bear that 's fixt in northern hemisphere , and round about the pole does make a circle , like a bear at stake , that at the chain 's end wheels about , and overturns the rabble-ront . for after solemn proclamation in the beat 's name ( as is the fashion , according to the law of arms , to keep men from inglorious harms ) that none presume to come so near as forty foot of stake of bear ; if any yet be so fool-hardy , t' expose themselves to vain jeopardy ; if they come wounded off and lame , no honours got by such a maim . although the bear gain much , b'ing bound in honour to make good his ground , when he 's engag'd , and take no notice , if any press upon him , who 't is , but let them know at their own cost that he intends to keep his post . this to prevent , and other harms , which alwayes waits on feats of arms , ( for in the hurry of a fray 't is hard to keep out of harm's way ) thither the knight his course did stear , to keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear ; as he believ'd h'was bound to doe in conscience and commission too . and therefore thus bespoke the squire ; we that are wisely mounted higher then constables , in curule wit , when on tribunal bench we sit , like speculators , should foresee , from pharos of authority , portended mischiefs farther then low proletarian tithing-men . and therefore being inform'd by bruit , that dog and bear are to dispute ; for so of late men fighting name , because they often prove the same ; ( for where the first does hap to be , the last does coincidere ) quantum in nobis , have thought good , to save th' expence of christian blood , and try if we by meditation of treaty and accommodation can end the quarrel , and compose the bloudy duell without blows . are not our liberties , our lives , the lawes , religion , and our wives enough at once to lye at stake , for cov'nant and the cause's sake ; but in that quarrel dogs and bears , as well as we , must venture theirs ? this feud by jesuits invented , by evil counsel is fomented . there is a machiavillian plot , ( though ev'ry nave olfact it not ) a deep design in 't , to divide the well-affected that confide , by setting brother against brother , to claw and curry one another . have we not enemies plus satis , that cane & angue pejus hate us ? and 〈◊〉 all we turn our fangs and claws upon our own selves , without cause ? that some occult design dothly in bloudy cynarctomachy , is plain enough to him that knows how saints sead brothers by the nose . i wish myself a pseudo-prophet , but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 mischief will come of it : unless by providential wit or force we averruncate it . for what design , what interest can beast have to encounter beast ? they fight for no espoused cause , frail priviledge , fundamentall laws ; nor for a thorough reformation , nor covenant , nor protestation ; nor for free liberty of conscience , nor lords and commons ordinances ; nor for the church , nor for church-lands , to get them in their own no hands ; nor evil counsellours to bring to justice that seduce the king ; nor for the worship of us men , though we have done as much for them . th' aegyptians worshipp'd dogs , and for their faith made internecine war. others ador'd a rat , and some for that church suffer'd martyrdome . the indians fought for the truth of th' elephant , and monkey's tooth ; and many , to defend that faith , fought it out mordicus to death . but no beast ever was so slight , for man , as for his god , to fight . they have more wit , alas ! and know themselves and us better then so . but we , we onely do infuse the rage in them like boute-feus . 't is our example that instills in them th' infection of our ills , for , as some late philosophers have well observ'd , beasts that converse with man , take after him , as hogs get pigs all th'year , and bitches dogs . just so by our example cattel learn to give one another battel . we read in nero's time , the heathen , when they destroy'd the christian brethren , they sow'd them in the skins of bears , and then set dogs about their ears : from whence , no doubt , th' invention came of this lewd , antichristian game . to this , quoth ralpho , verily , the point seems very plain to me . it is an antichristian game , unlawful both in thing and name . first for the name , the word bear-baiting is carnal , and of man's creating : for certainly there 's no such word in all the scripture on record . therefore unlawful and a sin . and so is ( secondly ) the thing . a vile assembly 't is , that can no more be prov'd by scripture than provincial , classick , national ; mere humane creature-cobwebs all . thirdly , it is idolatrous . for when men run a-whoring thus with their inventions , whatsoe're the thing be , whether dog or bear , it is idolatrous and pagan , no less then worshipping of dagon . quoth hudibras , i smell a rat ; ralpho , thou dost prevaricate , for though the thesis which thou lay'st be true ad amussim as thou say'st : ( for that bear-baiting should appear jure divino lawfuller then synods are , thou dost deny , totidem verbis so do i ) yet there 's a fallacy in this : for if by sly homoeosis , ( tussis pro crepitu , an art under a cough to slur a fart ) thou wouldst sophistically imply both are unlawfull , i deny . and i ( quoth ralpho ) do not doubt but bear-baiting may be made out in gospel-times , as lawfull as is provincial or parochial classis : and that both are so near of kin , and like in all , as well as sin , ●…hat put them in a bag and shake 'em , yourself o' th' sudden would mistake 'em , and not know which is which , unless you measure by their wickedness : for 't is not hard t' imagine whether o' th two is worst , though i name neither . quoth hudibras , thou offer'st much , but art not able to keep touch . mira de lente , as 't is i' th' adage , id est , to make a leek a cabbage . thou wise at best but suck a bull , or shear swine , all cry , and no wooll . for what can synods have at all with bears that 's analogicall ? or what relation has debating of church-affairs with bear-baiting ? a just comparison still is , of things ejusdem generis . and then what genus ●…ightly doth compr'hend them inclusivè both ? if animal , both of us may as likely pass for bears as they , for we are animals no less , although of different speciese●… . but ralpho , this is no fit place nor time to argue our the case . for 〈◊〉 the field is not far off , where we must give the world a proof of deeds , not words , and such as suit another manner of dispute . a controversie that affords actions for arguments , not words : which we must manage at a rate of prowess and conduct adaequate to what our place and fame doth promise , and all the godly expect from us . nor shall they be deceiv'd , unless w' are slutr'd and outed by success : success , the mark no mortal wit , or surest hand , can always hit : for whatsoe're we perpetrate , we do but row , w' are stear'd by fate , which in success oft disinherits , for spurious causes , noblest merits . great actions are not always true sons of great and mighty resolutions : nor do the bolo'rt attempts bring forth events still equal to their worth ; but sometimes fail , and in their stead fortune and cowardise succeed . yet we have no great cause to doubt , our actions still have born us out . which though th' are known to be so ample , we need not copy from example , we 're not the only person durst , attempt this province , nor the first . in northern clime a val'rous knight did whilom kill his bear in fight , and wound a fidler : we have both of these the objects of our wroth , and equal fame and glory from th' attempt or victory to come . 't is sung , there is a valiant mamaluke in foraign land , yclep'd — to whom we have been oft compar'd , for person , parts , address , and beard ; both equally reputed sto●… , and in the same cause both have sought . he oft an such attempt , as these came off with glory and success . nor will we fail in th' execution , for want of equal resolution . honour is like a widow , won with bri●…k attempt and putting on ; with entring manfully , and urging ; not slow approaches , like a virgin. this said , as yerst the phrygian knight , so ours with rusty steel did smite his trojan horse , and just as much he mended pace upon the touch ; but from his empty stomack groan'd , just as that hollow beast did sound , and angry answer'd from behind , with brandish'd tail and blast of wind . so have i seen with armed heel , a wight bestride a common weal ; while still the more he kick'd & spurr'd , the less the sullen jade has stirr'd , the argument of the second canto . the catalogue and character of th' enemy's best men of war ; to whom the knight does make a speech , and they defie him : after which he fights with talgol , routs the bear , and takes the fidler prisoner ; conveys him to enchanted castle , their shuts him fast in wooden bastile . canto ii. there was an antient sage philosopher , that had read alexander ross over , and swore the world as he could prove , was made of fighting and of love : just so romances are , for what else is in them all , but love and battels ? o' th' first of these w'have no great matter to treat of , but a world o' th' latter : in which to do the injur'd right we mean , in what concerns just fight . certes our authors are to blame , for to make some well-sounding name a pattern fit for 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , to copy out in frays and fights , ( like those that a whole 〈◊〉 do raze●… to build a palace in the place . ) they never care how many others they kill without regard of mothers , or wives , or children , so they can make up some fierce , dead-doing man , compos'd of many ingredient valours , just like the manhood of nine taylors . so a wild tartar when he spies a man that 's handsome , valiant , wise , if he can kill him , thinks t' inherit his wit , his beauty and his spirit : as if just so much he enjoy'd as in another is destroy'd . for when a gyant 's slain in fight , and mow'd orethwart , or cleft downright , it is a heavy case , no doubt , a man should have his brains beat out , because he 's tall , and has large bones ; as men kill beavers for their stones . but as for our part , we shall tell the naked truth of what befell ; and as an equal friend to both . the knight and bear , but more to troth , with neither faction shall take part , but give to cach his due desert : and never coyn a formal lye on 't , to make the knight o'recome the giant . this b'ing profest , we hope 's enough , and now go on where we left off . they rode , but authors having not determin'd whether pace or trot , ( that is to say , whether tollutation , as they do tearm 't , or succussation ) we leave it , and go on , as now suppose they did , no matter how . yet some from subtle hints have got mysterious light , it was a trot. but let that pass : they now begun to spur their living engines on . for as whipp'd tops and bandy'd balls , the learned hold are animals : so horses they affirm to be mere engines , made by geometry , and were invented first from engins , as indian britans were from penguins . so let them be ; and , as i was saying , they their live engines ply'd , not staying untill they reach'd the fatal champain , which th' enemy did then incamp on , the dire pharsalian plain , where battel was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant cattel , and fierce auxiliary men , that came to aid their brethren : who now began to draw in field , as knight from ridge of steed beheld . for as our modern wits behold , mounted a pick-back on the old , much further off ; much further he from off his aged beast could see : yet not sufficient to descry all postures of the enemy . wherefore he bids the squire ride further , t' observe their numbers , and their order ; that when their motions he had known , he might know how to fit his own . meanwhile he stopp'd his willing steed , to fit himself for martial deed : both kinds of mettle he prepar'd , either to give blows , or to ward , courage and steel , both of great force , prepar'd for better or for worse . his death-charg'd pistols be did fit well , drawn out from life-preserving vittle . these being prim'd , with force he labour'd to free sword from retentive scabbard : and after many a painful pluck , from rusty durance he bayl'd tuck . then shook himself , to see that prowess in scabbard of his arms sate loose ; and rais'd upon his desperate foot on stirrup side he gaz'd about , portending bloud , like blazing star , the beacon of approaching war. ralpho rode on with no lesse speed , then hugo in the forrest did ; but with a great deal more return'd , for now the foe he had discern'd , rang'd , as to him they did appear , with van , main battel , wings , and rear . in th' head of all this warlike rabble crowdero march'd , expert and able : instead of trumpet and of drum , that makes the warrier's stomach come , whose noise whets valour sharp , like beer by thunder turn'd to vineger , ( for if a trumpet sound or drum beat , who has not a 〈◊〉 mind to combat ? ) a squeaking engine he apply'd unto his neck , on north-east side , just where the hangman does dispose to special friends the knot of noose : for 't is great grace when statesmen straight dispatch a friend , let others wait . his warped ear hung o're the strings , which was but souce to chitterlings : for guts , some write , e're they are sodden , are fit for musick , or for pudden : from whence men borrow ev'ry kind of minstrelsy , by string or wind . his grizly beard was long and thick , with which he strung his fiddle-stick : for he to horse-tail scorn'd to owe , for what on his own chin did grow . chiron , the four-legg'd bard , had both a beard and tail of his own growth ; and yet by authors 't is averr'd , he made use onely of his beard . in stassordshire , where vertuous worch does raise the minstrelsy , not birth ; where bulls do chuse the boldest king and ruler , o're the men of string ; 〈◊〉 once in persia , 't is said , kings were proclaim'd by a horse that neigh'd ) he bravely vent'ring at a crown , by chance of war was beaten down , and wounded sore : his leg then broke , had got a deputy of oke : for when a shin in fight is cropt , the knee with one of timoer's propt ; esteem'd more honourable then the other , and takes place , though the younger brother . next follow'd orsin , famous for wise conduct , and successe in war : a skilfull leader , stout , severe , now marshall to the champion bear. with truncheon tipp'd with iron-head , the warrior to the lists he led ; with solemn march and stately pace , but far more grave and solemn face : grave as the emperour of pegu , or spanish potentate don diego . this leader was of knowledge great , either for charge , or for retreat . he knew when to fall on pell-mell , to fall back and retreat as well . so lawyers , lest the bear defendant , and plaintiff dog , should make an end on 't , do stave and tail with writs of error , reverse of judgement , and demurrer , to let them breath a while , and then cry whoop , and set them on agen . as romuius a wolf did rear . so he was dry-nurs'd by a bear , that fed him with the purchas'd prey of many a fierce and bloody fray ; bred up , where discipline most rare is , in military garden-paris . for souldiers heretofore did grow in gardens , just as weeds to now ; until some splay foot politicians t' apollo offer'd up petitions , for licensing a new invention th' had found out , of an antique engine to root out all the weeds that grow in publick garden at a blow , and leave th' herbs standing . quoth sir sun , my friends , that is not to be done . not done ? quoth statesmen ; yes , an 't please ye , when 't is once known you 'l say 'c is easie . why then let 's know it , quoth apollo . we 'l beat a drum , and they 'l all follow . a drum ( quoth phoebus ) troth that 's true , a pretty invention , quaint and new . but though of voice and instrument we are the undoubted president ; we such loud musick do not profess , the devil's master of that office , where it must pass , if 't be a drum , he 'l sign it with cler. parl. dom. com. to him apply your selves , and he will soon dispatch you for his fee. they did so , but it prov'd so ill , th' had better have let them grow there still . but to resume what we discoursing were on before , that is stout orsin : that which so oft by sundry writers has been apply'd t' almost all fighters , more justly may be ascrib'd to this , then any other warriour ( viz. ) none ever acted both parts bolder , both of a chieftain , and a souldier . he was of great descent , and high , for splendor and antiquity , and from celestial origine deriv'd himself in a right line . not as the ancient heroes did , who , that their base births might be hid , ( knowing they were of doubtful gender , and that they came in at a windore ) made jupiter himself , and others o' th' gods gallants to their own mothers , to get on them a race of champions , of which old homer first made lampoons . ) arctophylax in northern sphere was ●…as undoubted ancestor : from him his great fore-fathers came , and in all ages bore his name . learned he was in medc'nal lore , for by his side a pouch he wore replete with strange hermetick powder , that wounds nine miles point-blank would by skilful chymist with great cost ( solder . extracted from a rotten post ; but of a heav'nlier influence than that which mountebanks dispense ; though by promethean fire made , as they do quack that drive that trade , for as when slovens do amiss at others doors by stool or piss , the learned write , a red-hot spit , b'ing prudently apply'd to it , will convey mischief from the dung unto the breech that did the wrong : so this did healing , andas sure as that did mischief , this would cure . thus vertuous orsin was endu'd , with learning , conduct , fortitude , incomparable : and as the prince of poets , homer , sung long since , a skilful leech is better far than half a hundred men of wa●… ; so he appear'd , and by his skill , no less than dint of sword , could kill . the gallant bruin marcht next him , with visage formidably grim , and rugged as a saracen , or turk of mahomet's own king clad in a mantle della guer of rough impenetrable fur ; and in his nose , like indian king , he wore for ornament a ring ; about his neck a three-fold gorget , as tough as trebled leathren target ; armed , as heraulds cant , and langued , or , as the vulgar say , sharp-fanged . for as the teeth in beasts of prey are swords , with which they fight in fray ; so swords in men of war are teeth , which they do eat their vittle with . he was by birth , some authors write , a russian , some a muscovite , and 'mong the cossacks had been bred , of whom we in diurnals read , that serve to fill up pages here , as with their bodies ditches there . scrimansky was his cousin-german , with whom he serv'd , and fed on vermin : and when they fail'd he 'd suck his claws , and quarter himself upon his paws . and though his country-men , the huns , did stew their meat between their bums , and th' horses backs o're which they straddle , and every man eat up his saddle : he was not half so nice as they , but eat it raw , when 't came in 's way . he had trac'd countries far and near , more then le blane the traveller ; who writes , he spous'd in india of noble house a lady gay , and got on her a race of worthies , as stout as any upon earth is . full many a fight for him between talgol and orsin oft had been ; each striving to deserve the crown of a sav'd citizen : the one to guard his bear , the other fought to aid his dog ; both made more stout by sev'ral spurs of neighbourhood , church-fellow-membership , and blood ; but talgol , mortal soe to cows , never got ought of him but blows ; blows hard and heavy , such as he had lent , repay'd with usury . yet talgol was of courage stour , and vanquish'd oftner then he fought inur'd to labour , sweat , and toyle , and , like a champion , shone with oyl . right many a widow his keen blade , and many fatherlesse , had made . he many a boar and huge dun cow did , like another guy , o'rethrow . but guy with him in fight compar'd , had like the boar or dun cow far'd . with greater troops of sheep h 'had fought then ajax , or bold don quixot : and many a serpent of fell kind , with wings before & stings behind , subdu'd ; as poets say , long agon bold sir george , st. george did the dragon . nor engine , nor device polemick , disease , nor doctor epidemick , though stor'd with deletary med'cines , ( which whosoever took is dead since ) e're sent so vast a colony to both the under worlds as he . for he was of that noble trade that demi-gods and heroes made , slaughter , and knocking on the head ; the trade to which they all were bred ; and is , like others , glorious when 't is great and large , but base if mean. the former rides in triumph for it ; the latter in a two-wheel'd chariot , for daring to profane a thing so sacred , with vile bungleing , next these the brave magnano came , magnano great in martial ●…ame . yet when with orsin he wag'd fight , 't is sung he got but little by 't . yet he was fierce as forrest-bore , whose spoils upon his back he wore , as thick as ajax sev'n-sold shield , which o're his brazen arms he held , but brass was seeble to resist the sury of his armed fist , nor could the hardest ir'n hold out against his blows , but they would through't in magick he was deeply read , as he that made the brazen-head ; profoundly skill'd in the black art , as english merlin for his heart ; but far more skilful in the spheres , than he was at the sieve and shears . he could transform himself in colour as like the devil as a collier : as like as hypocrites in shew are to true saints , or crow to crow . of warlike engines he was author , devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter ; the cannon , blunderbuss , and saker , he was th' inventer of , and maker : the trumpet , and the kettle drum , did both from his invention come . he was the first that 〈◊〉 did teach to make , and how to stop a breach . a launce he bo●… with iron . pike , th' one half would thrust , the other strike : and when their forces h●… had joyn'd , he scorn'd to turn his parts behind . he trulla lov'd , trulla more bright then burnish'd armour of her knight : a bold virago , stout and tall as joan of france , or english mall . through 〈◊〉 both of wind and limb , through thick & thin she follow'd him , in ev'ry adventure h' undertook , and never him or it forsook . at breach of wall , or hedge-surprize , she shar'd in th'hazard , and the prize : at beating quarters up , or forrage , behav'd her self with matchless courage ; and laid about in fight more busily , thenth ' amazo●…in dame , penthesile . and though some criticks here cry shame , and say our authors are to blame , that ( spight of 〈◊〉 philosophers , who hold no females sto●… , but bears . ) make feeble ladies , in their works , to fight like ter●…gants and turks ; to lay their native arms aside . their modesty , and ride a-stride ; to run a 〈◊〉 at men , and wield their naked tools in open field ; as stout armida , bold thalestris , and she that would have been the mistress of gundibert , but he had grace , and rather took a country lass : they say'tis salse , without all sense , but of petnicious consequence to government , which they suppose can never be upheld in prose : strip nature naked to the skin , you 'r find about her no such thing . it may be so , yet what we tell of trulla ; that 's improbable , shall be depos'd by those have seen 't , or , what 's as good , produc'd in print and if they will not take our word , we 'l prove it true upon record . the upright cerdon next advanc't , of all his race the valiant'st ; cerdon the great , renown'd in song , like herc'les , for repair of wrong : he rais'd the low , and fortisy'd the weak against the strongest side . ill has he read ; that never hit on him in muses deathless writ . he had a weapon keen and fierce , that through a bull-hide-shield would pierce , and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 pieces , though 〈◊〉 than 〈◊〉 knight of greece his ; with when his black thumb'd ancestor 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in the ten years war : for 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 greeks , sare down 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 before troy sown , and 〈◊〉 ●…nown'd , as homer writes , for 〈◊〉 boots , no less than sights : they ow'd that glo●… only to his ancestor that made them so . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 he was to reformation , 〈◊〉 't was worn quite out of fashion . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of wry law , and would make 〈◊〉 , to c●…re one flaw . learned he was , and could take note , transcribe , collect , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and quote , but preaching was his chiefest talent , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , in which ●…ng valiant , he 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 about , and 〈◊〉 , like run or bulls at 〈◊〉 , do 〈◊〉 with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 from skulls . , . , some other knights , was true of this , he and his horse were of a piece , one spirit did inform them both , the self-same vigor , fury , wroth : yet he was much the rougher part , and always had a harder heart ; although his horse had been of those that fed on mans flesh , as fame goes . strange food for horse ! and yet , alass ! it may be true , for flesh is grass . sturdy he was , and no less able , then hercules to clense a stable ; as great : drover , and as great a critick too in hog or neat , he ripp'd the womb up of his mother , dune tellus , 'cause she wanted fother . and provender , wherewith to feed himself , and his less cruel steed . it was a question , whether he , or 's horse were of a family more worshipful : till antiquaries , ( after th 'had almost por'd out their eyes , ) did very learnedly decide the bus'ness on the horse's side , and prov'd not only horse , bur cows , nay pigs , were of the elder house : for beasts , when man was but a piece of ea●…h himself , did th' earth possess . these worthies were the chief that led the combatants , each in the head of his command , with arms , and rage , ready , and longing to engage . the numerous rabble was drawn out of several countries round about ; from villages remote , and shires , of east and western hemispheres : from foraign parishes , and regions , of different manners , speech , religions , came men and mastives ; some to fight for fame and honour , some for sight and now the field of death , the lists , were entred by antagonists , and blood was ready to be broached ; when hudibras in haste approached , with squire , and weapons to attack them : but first thus from his horse bespake them . what rage o citizens , what fury doth you to these dire actions hurry ; what oestrum , what phrenetick mood , makes you thus lavish of your blood , while the proud vies your trophies boast , and unreveng'd walks — ghost ? what towns , what garrisons might you with hazard of this blood subdue , which now y' are bent to throw away in vain , untriumphable fray ? shall saints in civil bloodshed wallow of saints , and let the cause lie fallow ? the cause , for which we fought , and swore so boldly , shall we now give o're ? then because quarrels still are seen with oaths and sweating to begin , the solemn league and covenant , will seem a meet god-dam-me rant ; and we that took it , and have fought , as lewd as drunkards that fall out . for , as we make war for the king , against himself , the self-same thing , some will not stick to swear we do for god , and for religion too . for if bear-baiting we allow , what good can reformation do ; the blood and treasure that 's laid out , is thrown away , and goes for nought . are these the fruits o' th' protestation , the prototype of reformation , which all the saints , and some since martyre , wore in their hats like wedding-garters , when 't was resolv'd by either house six members quarrel to espouse ? did they for this draw down the rabble , with zeal , and noises formidable ; and make all cries about the town joyn throats to cry the bishops down ? who having round begirt the palace , ( as once a month they do the gallows ) as members gave the sign about , set up their throats with hideous shout , when tinkers baw'd aloud , to settle church-discipline , or patching kettle no sow gelder did blow his horn to get a ●a● , but cry'd reform . the oyster-women lock'd their fish up , and trudg'd away to cry no bishop . the mouse-trap men laid save-alls by , and gainst ev'l counsellours did cry . b●●chers left old cloaths in the lurch . and fell to turn and patch the church . some cry'd the covenant instead of pudding pics , and ginger-bread and some for broom , old boots and shooes , cry'd out to purge the commons house : instead of kitchin-s●uff , some 〈◊〉 , a 〈◊〉 preaching-ministry ; and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 old s●i●● coats , or cloak , no ●uplicer , nor service book ; a 〈◊〉 harmoni●● in●●●●●●on o ●all dog 〈◊〉 in 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 this all 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 these ● 〈…〉 〈…〉 a 〈…〉 〈…〉 d●● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 b●i●g in their pla●e , and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 they 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ? for when they thought the cause had need on 't , happy was he that could be rid on'r . did they coyn piss-pots , bowls , and flaggons , int ' officers of horse and dragoons ; and into pikes and musketiers stamp beakers , cups , and porringers ? a thimble , bodkin , and a spoon did start up living men , as soon as in the furnace they were thrown , just like the dragons teeth b'ing sown . then was the cause all gold and plate , the brethrens off'tings , consecrate like the hebrew-calf , and down before it the saints sell prostrate , to adore it . so say the wicked — and will you make that sarcasmous scandal true , by running after dogs and bears , beasts more unclean then calves or steers ? have pow'rfull preachers ply'd their tongues , and laid themselves out and their lungs ; us'd all means , both direct and sinister , i' th' power of gospel-preaching minister , have they invented tones , to win the women , and make them draw in the men , as indians with a female 〈◊〉 elephant , inveigle the male ? have they told prov'dence what it must do , whom to avoid , and whom to trust to ? disc●…r'd th' enemy's design , and which way best to countermine ; prescrib'd what way is it hath to work , or it will ne're advance the kirk ; told it the news o' th' last expresse , and after good or bad successe made prayers , not so like petitions , as overtures and propositions , ( such as the army did present to their creator th' parliament ) in which they freely will confess , they will not , cannot acquiesce , unlesse the work be carry'd on in the same way they have begun , by setting church and common-weal all on a flame , bright as their zeal , on which the saints were all a-gog , and all this for a bear and dog ? the parliament drew up petitions to 't self , and sent them , like commissions , to well-affected persons , down in ev'ry city and great town ; with pow'r to levy horse and men , only to bring them back agen : for this did many , many a mile , ride manfully in rank and file , with papers in their hats , that show'd as if they to the pillory rode . have all these courses , these efforts , been try'd by people of all sorts , velis & remis , omnibus nervis , and all t' advance the cause's service ? and shall all now be thrown away in petulant intestine fray ? shall we that in the cov'nant swore , each man of us to run before another still in reformation , give dogs and bears a dispensation ? how will dissenting brethren relish it ? what will malignants say ? videlicet , that each man swore to do his best , to damn and periure all the rest ; and bid the devil take the hinmost , which at this race is like to win most . they 'l say our businesse to reform the church and state , is but a worm ; for to transcribe a church invisible , as we have sworn to do , it is a bull : for when we swore to do it after the best reformed churches that are , what did we else but make a vow to do we know not what , nor how ? for no three of us will agree where , or what churches these should be . and is indeed the self-same case with theirs that swore et caeteras ; or the french league , in which men vow'd to fight to the last drop of blood . these slanders will be thrown upon the cause and work we carry on , if we per●…t men to run headlong t' 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 fit for bedlam , rather then gospel-walking times , when 〈◊〉 sins are greatest crimes , but we the matter so shall handle , as to remove that odious scandal . in name of king and parliament , i charge ve all , no more soment this seud , but keep the peace between your 〈◊〉 , and your country-man ; and to those places streight repair , where your respective dwellings are , but to that purpose first surrender the fidle , as the prime offender , th' incen●…y vile , that is chief author and engineer of mischief ; that makes division between friends , for pro●…●…nd meligliant ends . he and that engine of vile noyse , on which illegally he playes , shall ( did 〈◊〉 ) both be brought to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , as th' ought . this must be done , and i would 〈◊〉 see mortal 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as to gun-say : for 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 another course , and soon reduce you all by force . th●… said , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 his hand on sword , to show 〈◊〉 to keep his word . but talgol , who had long supprest enflamed wrath in glowing breast , which now began to rage and burn as implacably as flame in furnace , thus answer'd him . thou vermin wretched , as e're in meazel'd pork was hatched ; thou tayle of worship , that dost grow on rump of justice , as of cow ; how dat'st thoy with that sullen luggage o' thy self , old 〈◊〉 , and other baggage , with which thy steed of bones and leather , is lam'd and tir'd in halting hither ; how durst th' , i say , adventure thus t' oppose thy lumber against us ? could thin●… impertinence find out no work ●…employ it self about , where thou secure from wooden blow thy busie vanity might'st show ? was no dispute afoot between the catterwauling brethren ? no subtle question rais'd among those out-o-their-wits , and those i' ch' wrong ? no prize between those combatants o' th times , the land and water - saints ; where thou might'st stickle without hazzard of outrage to thy hide and mazzard , and not for want of bus'nesse come to us to be thus troublesome , to interrupt our better 〈◊〉 of disputants , and spoil our sport ? was there no felony , no bawd , cut-purse , nor burglary abroad ? no stollen pig , nor plunder'd goose , to tye thee up from breaking loose ? no ale unlicen'd , broken hedge , for which thou statute might'st alledge , to keep thee busie from foul evil , and shame due to thee from the devil ? did no committee sit , where he might cut out journey-work for thee ; and set th'a task , with subornation , to stitch up sale and sequestration ; to cheat with holinesse and zeal all parties , and the common-weal ? much better had it been for thee , h 'had kept thee where th' art us'd to be ; or sent th' on bus'nesse any whither , so he had never brought thee hither . but if th' hast brain enough in skull to keep it self in lodging whole , and not provoke the rage of stores , and cudgels to thy hide and bones ; tremble , and vanish while thou may'st , which i 'le not promise if thou stay'st . at this the knight grew high in wroth , and lifting hands and eyes up both , three times he smore on stomack stour , from whence at length these words broke out . was i for this entitled sir , and girt with trusty sword and spur , for fame and honour to wage battel , thus to be brav'd by foe to cattel ? not all the pride that makes thee swell as big as thou dost blown-up veal ; nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat , and sell thy carrion for good meat ; not all thy magick to repair decay'd old age in rough lean ware , turn death of nature to thy work , and stop the gangrene in stale pork ; not all that force that makes thee proud , because by bullock ne're withstood ; though arm'd with all thy clevers , knives , and axe●… , made to hew down lives ; shall save or help thee to evade the hand of justice , or this blade which i her sword-bearer do carry , for civil deed and military . nor shall these words of venom base , which thou hast from their native place , thy stomack , pump'd to sling on me , go unteverg'd , though i am free . thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em , like tainted beef , and pay dear sor ' em . nor shall it e're be said , that wight with gantlet blew , and bases white , and round blunt dudgeon by his side , so great a man at arms defy'd with words far bi●…er then wormwood , that would in job or grizel stir mood . dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal ; but men with hands , as thou shalt feel . this said , with hasty rage he snatch'd his gun-shot , that in holsters watch'd ; and bending cock , he level'd full against th' outside of talgol's skull ; vowing that he should ne're stir further , not henceforth cow or bullock murther . but pallas came in shape of rust , and 'twixt the spring and hammer thrnst her gorgon-shield , which made the cock stand stiff as 't were transform'd to stock . mean while fierce talgol garh'ring might , with rugged trunche on smote at knight . but he with petronel up-heav'd , instead of shield , the blow receiv'd , the gun recoyl'd , as well it might , not us'd to such a kind of sight , and shrunk from its great masters gripe , knock'd down and st●…'d with mortal stripe , then hudibras with furious haste drew out his sword ; yet not so fast , but telgol first with hardy thwack , twice b●…iz'd his head , and twice his back . but when his rugge 〈◊〉 was out with stomack 〈◊〉 he 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , imprinting many a wound 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 his mortal 〈◊〉 the 〈◊〉 the trusty cudgel did oppose it self against dead-doing blows , to guard its leader from fell bane , and then reveng'd it self again . and though the sword ( some understood ) in force had much the odds of wood ; 't was nothing so , both sides were ballanc't so equal , none knew which was valiant'st , for wood with honour b'ing engag'd , is so implacably enrag'd , though iron hew and mangle sore , wood wounds & bruises honour more . and now both knights were out of breath , tir'd in the hot pursuit of death ; while all the rest amaz'd stood still , expecting which should take or kill . this hudibras observ'd , and fretting , conquest should be so long a getting , he drew up all his force into one body , and that into one blow . but talgol wisely avoided it ●…y cunning sleight ; for had it hit the upper part of him , the blow had slit , as sure as that below . but now fierce colon 'gan draw on , to aid the distrest champion . him ralph encountred , and straight grew a dismal combat 'twixt them two : th' one arm'd with mettle , th' other wood ; this fit for bruise , and that for blood . with many a stiff thwack , many a bang , hard crab-tree , and old iron rang ; while none that saw them cold divine to which side conquest would encline : until magnano , who did envy that two should with so many men vye , by subtle s●…ratagem of brain , perform'd what force could ne're attain . for he , by soul hap having found where thistle grew on barren ground , her 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 underneath the tail of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as sharp as nail . the angry beast did straight esent , and feel regret on fundament , 〈◊〉 to kick , and fling , and wince , as if h' had been beside his sense , striving to dis-engage from thistle , that gall'd him sorely under his tail . instead of which he threw the pack of squire , and baggage from his back ; and blundring still , with smarting rump , he gave the knight's steed such a thump , as made him feel . the knight did stoop , and sate on further side a slope . this talgol viewing , who had now by slight ●…eap'd the fatal blow , he rally'd , and again fell to 't ; 〈◊〉 catching ice by nearer foot , he lifted with such might and strength , as would have hurl'd him thrice his length , and dash'd his brains ( if any ) out . but mars , that still protects the stout , in pudding-time came to his aid , and under him the bear convey'd ; the bear , upon whose soft fur-gown , the knight with all his weight fell down . the friendly rug preserv'd the ground , and headlong knight from bruise or wound : like feather-bed betwixt a wall , and heavy brunt of cannon-ball . as sancho on a blanket fell , and had no hurt ; ours fat'd as well in body , though his mighty spirit , b'ing heavy , did not so well bear it . the bear was in a greater fright , beat down and worsted by the knight . he roar'd , and rag'd , and flung about , to shake of bondage from his snour . his wrath enflam'd , boil'd o're , & from his jaws of death he threw the foam . fury in stranger postures threw him , and more , than ever he rauld drew him . he tore the earth , which he had sav'd from squelch of knight , and storm'd , and rav'd ; and vext the more , because the harms he felt were 'gainst the law of arms : for men he always took to be his friends , and dogs the enemy : who never so much hurt had done him , as his own side did falling on him . it griev'd him to the guts , that they for whom h' had fought so many a fray , and serv'd with loss of blood so long , should offer such inhumane wrong ; wrong of unsouldier-like condition : for which he flung down his commission , and laid about him , till his nose , from thrall of ring and cord broke loose . soon as he sel himself enlarg'd , through thickest of his foes he charg'd , and made way through th' amazed crew . some he o'reran , and some o'rethrew , but took none , for by hasty flight he strove t' escape pursu'e of knight , from whom he fled with as much haste , and dread , as he th●… rabble chas'd . in hast he fled , and so did they , each and his fear a sev'ral way . crowdero only kept the field , not stir●…g from the place he held , though beaten down , and wounded sore , i' th' fiddle , and a leg that bore one side of him , not that of bone , but , much its betters , th' wooden one . he spying hudibras lye strow'd upon the ground , like log of wood , with fright of fall , supposed wound , and loss of urine , cast in swound ; in haste he snatch'd the wooden limb that hurt in th' ankle lay by him , and listing it for sudden fight , straight drew it up , to fall on knight . for getting up on stump and huckle , he with the foe began to buckle , vowing to be reveng'd for breach of crowd , and skin upon the wretch , sole author of all detriment he and his fiddle underwent . but ralpho ( who had now begun t' adventure resurrection from heavy squelch , and had got up upon his legs , with sprained crup ) looking about , beheld pernicion approaching knight from fell musician . he snatch'd his whiniard up , that fled when he was falling off his steed , ( as rats do from a falling house , ) to hide it self from rage of blows ; and wing'd with speed and fury , flew to rescue knight from black and blew . which e're he could atchieve , his sconce the skin encounter'd twice and once ; and now 't was rais'd to smite agen , when ralpho thrust himself between , he took the blow on side and arm , to shield the knight entra●…nc'd from harm ; 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 w●…h force , bestow'd o●… th' wooden 〈◊〉 such a load , that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with 〈◊〉 bore crowdero whom it propp'd be●…re . to him the squire right 〈◊〉 run , and seeing conquering ●…oor upon his 〈◊〉 , thus 〈◊〉 : what desp'rate frenzie made th●… ( thou whelp of sin ) to fancy thy self and all that coward rabble t' encounter us in battel able ? how 〈◊〉 th' , i say , oppose thy curship 'gainst arms , authority and worship ? and hudibras , or me provoke , though all thy limbs were heart of oke , and th' other half of thee as good 〈◊〉 our blows as that of wood ? could ot the whipping post prevail with all its rhet'rick , 〈◊〉 the gaol , to keep from flaying 〈◊〉 thy skin , 〈◊〉 ●…nkle free from iron gin ? which 〈◊〉 thou shalt — but first our care 〈◊〉 see how hudibras doth ●…re this 〈◊〉 gently rais'd the knight , and 〈◊〉 him on hi●… 〈◊〉 upright : 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 from 〈◊〉 dump , 〈◊〉 weak'd nose with gentle thump , 〈◊〉 on his breast , as if 't had been 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the 〈◊〉 lodg'd within . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with the noise , did slye from 〈◊〉 ●…oom to window eye , and gently op'ning 〈◊〉 , ●…he ca●…ment , lookt out , but yet with some amazement . this gladded ralpho much to see , who thus bespoke the knight : quoth he , tweaking his nose , you are , great sir , a self-denying conquerout ; as high , victorious , and great , as e're fought for the churches yet , if you will give your self but leave , to make out what y' already have ; that 's victory . the foe , for dread of your nine-worthiness is fled , all save crowdero , for whose sake you did th' espous'd cause undertake : and he lies pris'ner at your feet , to be dispos'd as you think meet , either for life , or death , or sale , the gallows , or perpetual goal . for one wink of your pow'rful eye must sentence him to live or dye . his fiddle is your proper purchase , wone in the service of the churches ; and by your doom must be allow'd to be , or be no more a crowd . for though success did not confer just title on the conquerer ; though dispensations were not strong conclusions whether right or wrong ; although out-goings did not confirm , and owning were but a meer term : yet as the wicked have no right to th' creature , though usurp'd by might , the property is in the saint , from whom th' injuriously detain't ; of him they hold their luxuries , their dogs , their horses , whores , and dice , their riots , revels , masks , delights , pimps , buffoons , fidlers , parasites : all which the saints have title to , and ought t' enjoy , if th' had their due . what we take from them is no more then what was ours by right before . for we are their true landlords still , and they our tenants but at will. at this the knight begnn to rouse , and by degrees grow valorous . he stat'd about , and seeing none , of all his foes remain but one , he snatch'd his weapon that lay near him , and from the ground began to rear him ; vowing to make crowdero pay for all the rest that ran away . but ralpho now in colder blood , his fury mildly thus withstood : great sir , quoth he , your mighty spirit is rais'd too high , this slave does merit to be the hangmans bus'ness , sooner then from your hand to have the honour of his destruction . i that am a nothingnesse in deed and name , did scorn to hurt his forfeit carcasse , or ill intreat his fiddle or case . will you , great sir , that glory blot in cold blood which you gain'd in hot ? will you employ your conqu'ring sword , to break a fiddle and your word ? for though i fought , and overcame , and quarter gave , 't was in your name . for great commanders alwayes own what 's prosperous by the souldier done . to save , where you have pow'r to kill , argues your pow'r above your will ; and that your will and pow'r have lesse then both might have of selfishnesse . this pow'r which now alive with dread he trembles at , if he were dead , would no more keep the slave in awe , then if you were a knight of straw : for death would then be his conqueror , not you , and free him from that terror . if danger from his life accrew , or honour from his death to you ; 't were policy , and honour too , to do as you resolv'd to do . but , sir , 't would wrong your valour much , to say it needs or fears a crutch . great conquerors greater glory gain by foes in triumph led , then slain : the law●…s that adorn their brows are pull'd from living , not dead boughs , and living foes the greatest fame of cripple slain , can be but lame . one half of him 's already slain , the other is not worth your pain . th' honour can but on one side light . as worship did , when y'were dub'd knight . wherefore i think it better far , to keep him prisoner of war ; and let him fast in bonds abide , at court of justice to be try'd : where if h'appear so bold or crafty , there may be danger in his safety ; if any member there dislike his face , or to his beard have pike ; or if his death will save , or yield , revenge , or fright , it is reveal'd , though he has quarter , ne'rethelesse y' have pow'r to hang him when you please . this hath been often done by some of our great conquerors , you know whom : 〈◊〉 has by most of us been held wise justice , and to some reveal'd . for and promises that yoke the conquerour , are quickly broke , like sampson's cu●… , though by his own direction and advice put on . for if we should fight for the cause by rules of military laws , and only do what they call just , the cause would quickly fall to dust . this we among our selves may speak ; but to the wicked , or the weak we must be cautious to declare perfection-truths , such as these are . this said , the high out ragious mettle of knight began to cool and settle . he lik'd the squire 's advice , and soon resolv'd to see the bus'ness done : and therefore charg'd him first to bind crowdero's hands on rump behind , and to its sormer place and use the wooden member to reduce : but force it take an oath before , ne're to bear arms against him more . ralpho dispatch'd with speedy hast , and having ty'd crowdero fast , he gave sir knight the end of cord , to lead the captive of his sword in triumph , while the steeds he caught , and them to further service brought . the squire in state rode on before , and on his nut-brown whyniard bore the trophee - fiddle , and the case , leaning on shoulder like a mace. the knight himself did after ride , leading crowdero by his side , and tow'd him , if he lagg'd behind , like boat against the tide and wind. thus grave and solemn they march on , untill quite through the town th' had gone . at further end of which there stands an antient castle , that commands th' adjacent parts ; in all the fabrick you shall not see one stone nor a brick , but all of wood , by pow'rfull spell of magick made impregnable . there 's neither iron-bat , nor gate , port-cullis , chain , or bolt , or grate and yet men durance there abide , in dungeon scarce three inches wide ; with roof so low , that under it they never stand , but lye , or sit , and yet so foul , that whoso is in , is to the middle-leg in prison , in circle magical confin'd , with walls of subtle air and wind , which none are able to break thorough , untill th' are freed by head of burrough . thither arriv'd , th' advent'rous knight and bold squire from their steeds alight , at th' outward wall , near which there stands a bastile , built t' imprison hands ; by strange enchantment made to fetter the lesser parts , and free the greater . for though the body may creep through , the hands in grate are fast enough . and when a circle 'bout the wrist is made by beadle exorcist , the body feels the spur and switch , as if 't were ridden post by ' witch , at twenty miles an hour pace , and yet ne're stirs out of the place . on top of this there is a spire , on which sir knight first bids the squire the fiddle , and its spoyls , the case , in manner of a trophee , place . that done , they ope the trap-door-gate , and let crowdero down thereat . crowdero making dolefull face , like hermit poor in pensive place , to dungeon they the wretch commit , and the survivor of his feet : but th' other , that had broke the peace , and head of knight hood , they release , though a delinquent false and forged , yet b'ing a stranger , he 's enlarged ; while his comrade , that did no hurt , is clapt up fast in prison for 't . so justice , while she winks at crimes , stumbles on innocence sometimes . the argument of the third canto . the scatter'd rout return and rally , surround the place ; the knight does sally , and is made pris'ner : then they seize the inchanted fort by storm , release crowdero , and put the squire in 's place . i should have first said , hudibras . canto iii. ay me ! what perils do inviron the man that meddles with cold iron ! what plaguy mischiefs and mishaps do 〈◊〉 him still with after-claps ! for though dame fortune seem to smile and leer upon him for a while ; she 'l after shew him , in the nick of all his glories , a dog-trick . this any man may sing or say , i' th' ditty call'd , what if a day . for hudibras , who thought h 'had won the field as suer as a gun , and having routed the whole troop , with victory was cock-a-hoop ; thinking h 'had done enough to purchase thanks giving-day among the churches , wherein his mettle and brave worth might be explain'd by holder-forth , and register'd by fame eternal , in deathlesse pages of diurnal ; found in few minutes , to his cost , he did but count without his host ; and that a turn-stile is more certain , then in events of war dame fortune . for now , the late-faint-hearted rout , o're thrown and scatter'd round about , chac'd by the horrour of their fear from bloudy fray of knight and bear , ( all but the dogs , who in pursuit of the knight's victory stood to 't , and most ignobly sought to get the honour of his bloud and sweat ) seeing the coast was free and clear o' th' conquer'd and the conquerer , took heart of grace , and fac'd about , as if they meant to stand it out : for by this time , the routed bear attaqu'd by th' enemy i' th' rear , finding their number grew too great for him to make a safe retreat , like a bold chieftain fac'd about , but wisely doubting to hold out , gave way to fortune , and with hast fac'd the proud soe , and fled , and fac'd , retiring still , until he found h' had got th' advantage of the ground , and then as valiantly made head , to check the foe , and forthwith fled ; leaving no art untry'd , nor trick of warrior stout and politick . until in spight of hot pursuit , he gain'd a pass to hold dispute on better terms , and stop the course of the proud foe . with all his force he bravely charg'd , and for a while forc'd their whole body to recoil : but still their numbers so encreast , he found himself at length opprest , and all evasions so uncertain , to save himself for better fortune , that he resolv'd , rather then yield , to die with honour in the field , and sell his hyde and carkase at a price as high and desperate as e're he could . this resolution he forthwith put in execution , and bravely threw himself among the enemy in the greatest throng . but what could single valour doe against so numerous a foe ? yet much he did , indeed too much to be believ'd , where th'odds was such : but one against a multitude , is more than mortal can make good , for while one party he oppos'd , his rear was suddenly enclos'd , and no room left him for retreat , or fight against a foe so great . for now the mastives charging home to blows and handy-gripes were come ; while manfully himself he bore , and setting his right-foot before , he rais'd himself , to shew how tall his person was , above them all . this equal shame and envy stirr'd in th' enemy , that one should beard so many warriors and so stout as he had done , and stav'd it out , disdaining to lay down his arms , and yield on honourable terms . enraged thus some in the rear attack'd him , and some ev'ry where ; till down he fell , yet falling fought , and being down still laid about ; as widdrington in doleful dumps ●…s said to fight upon his stumps . but all , alas ! had been in vain , and he inevitably slain , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 in the nick to 〈◊〉 him had not been quick , for 〈◊〉 who was ●…ight of foot . 〈◊〉 which long-field 〈◊〉 shoot , ( but not so light as to be born upon the ears of standing corn , or trip it o're the water quicker then witches when their staves they liquor , as some report ) was got among the foremost of the martial throng ; where pitrying the vanquisht bear , she call'd to cerdon , who stood near viewing the bloudy fight , to whom shall wee ( quoth she ) stand still hum drum , and see stout bruin all alone by numbers basely overthrown ? such sears already h' has atchiev'd , in story not to be believ'd : and t would to us be shame enough not to attempt to fetch him off . i would ( quoth he ) venture a limb to second thee , and rescue him : but then we must about it streight , or else our aid will come too late . quarter he scorns , he is so stout , and therfore cannot long hold our . this said , they wav'd their weapons round about their heads , to clear the ground : and joyning forces laid about so fiercely , that th' amazed rout turn'd tail again , and straight begun , as if the devil drove , to run . mean while th' approach'd the place where was now engaged to mortal ruin : ( bruin the conquering foe they soon assail'd ; first trulla stav'd , and cerdon tail'd , until the mastives loos'd their hold : and yet , alas ! do what they could , the worsted bear came off with store of bloody wounds , but all before . for as achilles dipt in pond , was anabaptiz'd free from wound , made proof against dead-doing steel all over but the pagan heel : so did our champion's arms desend all of him but the other end , his head and ears , which in the martial encounter lost a leathern parcel . for as an ausirian archduke once had one ear ( which in ducatoons is half the coin ) in battel par'd close to his head ; so bruin far'd : but tugg'd and pull'd on th' other side , like scrivener newly crucify'd ; or like the late corrected leathern ea●… of the circumeised brethren . but gentle trulla into th' ring he wore in●…s nose convey'd a string , with which she mareht before , and led the warrior to a grassy bed , as ●…uthors write , in a cool shade , which 〈◊〉 glentine and roses made , close by a softly-murm'ring stream where lovers us'd to loll and dream . there leaving him to his repose , secured from pursuit of foes , and wanting nothing but a song , and a well-tun'd theorbo bung upon a bough , to ease the pain his tugg'd ears suffer'd , with a strain . they both drew up , to march in quest of his great leader , and the rest . for orsin ( who was more renown'd for stout maintaining of his ground in standing fights then for pursuit , as being not so quick of foot ) was not long able to keep pace with others that pursu'd the chace , but found himself left far behind , both out of heart and out of wind ; griev'd to behold his bear pursu'd so basely by a multitude , and like to fall , not by the prowess , but numbers of his coward foes . he rag'd and kept as heavy a coil as stout hercules for loss of hylas , foreing the vallies to repeat the accents of his sad regret . he beat his breast , and tore his hair , for loss of his dear crony bear : that echo from the hollow ground his dolesull wailings did resound more wistfully , by many times , then in small poets splay-foot ●…es , that make her , in their ruthfull stories , to answer to inter'gatories , and most unconscionably depose to things of which she nothing knows : and when she has said all she can say , t is wrested to the lover's fancy . quoth he , o whether , wicked bruin , a●…t thou fled to my — echo , ruine ? i thought th'hadst scorn'd to budge a step , for fear . ( quoth echo ) marry guep . am not i here to take thy part ? then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart ? have these bones rattled , and this head so often in thy quarrel bled ? nor did i ever winch or grudge it , for thy dear sake . ( quoth she ) mum budget . think'st thou 't will not be laid i' th' dish , thou turn'dst thy back ? quoth echo , pish. to run from those th'hadst overcome thus cowardly ? quoth echo , mum. but what a-vengeance makes thee slie from me too , as thine enemy ? or if thou hast no thought of me , nor what i have endur'd for thee , yet shame and honour might prevail to keep thee thus from turning rail : for who would'grutch to spend his bloud in his honor's cause ? quoth she , a puddin . this said , his grief to anger turn'd , which in his manly stomack burn'd ; thirst of revenge and wrath , in place of sorrow , now began to blaze . he vow'd the authors of his woe should equal vengeance undergo ; and with his bones and 〈◊〉 pay dear for what he suffer'd and his bear. this b'ing resolv'd , with equal speed and rage he hasted to proceed to action straight , and giving ore to search for bruin any more , he went in quest of hudibras , to find him out , where e're he was : and if he were above ground , vow'd he 'd ferret him , lurk where he wou'd . but scarce had he a furlong on this resolute adventure gone , when he encounter'd with that crew whom hudibras did late subdue . honor , revenge , contempt and shame , did equally their breasts enflame . 'mong these the fierce magnano was , and talgol foe to hudibras ; cerdon and colon , warriors stout and resolute as ever fought : whom furious orsin thus bespoke , shall we ( quoth he ) thus basely brook the vile affront , that paultry ass , and feeble scoundrel hudibras , with that more paultry ragamuffin ralpho , with vapouring and huffing have put upon us , like tame cattel , as if th' had routed us in battel ? for my part , it shall ne're be sed , i for the washing gave my head : nor did i turn my back for fear o' th' rascals , but loss of my bear , which now i 'm like to undergo ; for whether these fell wounds , or no , he has receiv'd in fight are mortal , is more then all my skill can foretel . nor do i know what is become of him , more then the pope of rome . but if i can but find them out that caus'd it , ( as i shall no doubt , where e're th'in hugger-mugger lurk ) ●…e make them rue their handy-work ; and wish that they had rather dar'd to pull the devil by the beard . quoth cerdon , noble orsia , th' hast great reason to do as thou sayst ; and so has every body here as well as thou hast or thy bear , others may do as they see good ; but if this twig he made of wood that will hold tack , l'se make the fur flie 'bout the ears of the old cut , and th' other mungrel vermin , ralph , that brav'd us all in his behalf . thy bear is safe , and out of peril , though lugg'd indeed , and wounded very ill . my self , and trulla made a shift to help him out at a dead lift ; and having brought him bravely off , have left him where he 's safe enough . there let him rest ; for if we stay , the slaves may hap to get away . this said , they all engag'd to joyn their forces in the same design : and forthwith put themselves in search of hudibras upon their march . where leave we them a while , to tell what the victorious knight befel : for such , crowdero being fast in dangeon shut , we left him last . triumphant laurels seem'd to grow no where so green as on his brow : laden with which , as well as tit'd with conquering toil , he now retir'd unto a neighb'ring castle by , to rest his body , and apply fit med'cines to each glorious bruise he got in fight , reds , blacks , and blews ; to mossifie the uneasie pang of ev'ry honourable bang . which b'ing by skilful midwife drest , he said him down to take his rest . but all in vain . h' had got a hurt o' th' inside , of a deadlier sort , by cupid made , who took his stand upon a widows joynture-land , ( for he , in all his amorous battels , no ' dvantage finds like goods and chattels ) as now he did , and aiming right , an arrow he let flie at knight ; the shast against a rib did glance , and gall him in the purtenance . but time had somewhat swag'd his pain , after he found his suit in vain . for that proud dame , for whom his soul was burnt in 's belly like a coal , ( that belly , that so oft did ake , and suffer griping for her sake , till purging comfits , and ants eggs , had almost brought him off his leggs ) ha'd him so like a base rascallion , that old prg - ( what d' y' call him ? ) malion , that cut his mistress out of stone , had not so hard-a-hearted one . she had a thousand jadish tricks , worse than a mule that flings and kicks : m●…g which one cross-grain'd freak she had , as insolent , as strange , and mad : she could love none but only such as scorn'd and hated her as much . 't was a strange riddle of a lady ; not love , if any lov'd her ? ha day ! so cowards never use their might , but against such as will not fight . so some diseases have been found only to seize upon the sound . he that gets her by heart , must say her the back-way , like a witch's prayer . meanwhile the knight had no small task , to compasse what he durst not ask . he loves , but dares not make the motion ; her ignorance is his devotion . like caitiff vile , that for misdeed rides with his face to rump of steed , or rowing scull , he 's fain to love , look one way , and another move ; or like a tumbler that does play his game , and look another way , untill he seize upon the coney : just so does he by matrimony . but all in vain : her subtle snout did quickly wind his meaning out ; which she return'd with too much scorn , to be by man of honour born . yet much he bore , untill the distresse he suffer'd from his spightfull mistresse did stir his stomack , and the pain he had endur'd from her disdain turn'd to regret , so resolute , that he resolv'd to wave his suit , and either to renounce her quite , or for a while play least in sight . this resolution being put on , he kept some months , and more had done ; but being brought so nigh by fate , the victory he atchiev'd so late , did set his thoughts agog , and hope a dore to discontinu'd hope . that seem'd to promise he might win his dame too now his hand was in ; and that his valour , and the honour h' had newly gair'd might work upon her . these reasons made his mouth to water with amorous longings to be at her . quoth he unto himself , who knows but this brave conquest o're my soes may reach her heart , and make that stoop , as i but now have forc'd the troop ? if nothing can oppugne love , and vertue envious ways can prove , what may not he confide to do , that brings both love and vertue too ? but thou bring'st valour too and wit , two things that seldom sa●…l to hit . valour 's a mouse-trap , wit a gin , which women oft are taken in . then , hudibras , why shouldst thou fear to be , that art a conquerer ? fortune th' audacious doth juvare but let the timidous miscarry . then while the honour thou hast got is spick and span-new , piping hot , strike her up bravely thou hadst best , and trust thy fortune with the rest . such thoughts as these the knight did keep , more than his bangs , or fleas , from sleep . and as an owl that in a barn sees a mouse creeping in the corn , sits still , and shuts his round blew eyes , as it he slept , until he spies , the little beast within his reach , then starts , and seizes on the wretch : so from his couch the knight did start , to seize upon the widows heart ; crying with hasty tone , and hoarse , ralpho , dispatch , to horse , to horse . and 't was but time , for now the rout , we lest engag'd to seek him our , by speedy marches were advanc'd up to the fo●… where he ensconc'd , and had all th' avenues postest about the place , from east to west . that done , a while they made a halt , to view the ground , &c where t' assault : then call'd a council , which was best , by fi●…e or onslaught , to invest the enemy : and 't was agreed . by storm and onslaught to preceed . this being resolv'd , in comely sort , they now drew up t'attack the fort . when hudibras , about to enter upon another gate 's adventure , to ralpho call'd aloud to arm , not dreaming of approaching storm . vvhether dame fortune , or the care of angel bad , of tutelar , did aim , or thrust him on a danger , to which he was an utter stranger ; that foresight might , or might not blor the glory he had newly got ; or to his shame it might be sed , they took him napping in his bed : to them we leave it to expound , that deal in sciences profound . his courser scarce he had bestrid , and ralpho that on which he rid ; vvhen setting ope the postern gate , vvhich they thought best to sally at , the foe appeat'd , drawn up and drill'd , ready to charge them in the field . this somwhat startled the bold knight , surpriz'd with th'unexpected sight , the bruises of his bones and flesh he thought began to smart afresh ; till recollecting wonted courage , his fear was soon converted to rage , and those he spoke : the coward foe , vvhom we but now gave quarter to , look , yonder 's rally'd , and appears , as if they had outrun their fears . the glory we did lately get , the fares command us to repeat . and to their wills we must succumb , quocunque trahunt , 't is our doom , this is the same numerick crew which we so lately did subdue , the sel-same individuals that did run , as mice do from a cat , when we couragiously did wield our martial weapons in the field , to tug for victory : and when we shall our shining blades agen brandish in terrour o're our heads , they 'l straight resume their wonted dreads . fear is an ague , that forsakes and haunts by turns those whom it takes . and they 'l opine they feel the pain and blows , they felt to day , again . then let us boldly charge them home , and make no doubt to overcome . this said , his courage to enflame , he call'd upon his mistress name . his pistol next he cock●… anew , and out his nut-brown whiniard drew , and placing ralpho in the front , resolv'd himself to be bear the brunt ; as expert warriors use : then ply'd with iron-heel his courser's side , conveying sympathetick speed from heel of knight to heel of steed . meanwhile the soe with equal rage and speed advancing to engage , both parties now were drawn so close , almost to come to handiblows . when orsin first let flie a stone a ralpho : not so huge a one as that which diomed did maul aeneas on the bum withall : yet big enough , if rightly hurl'd , t' have sent him to another world : whether above-ground , or below , which saints twice dipt are destin'd to , the danger startled the bold squire , and made him some few steps re●…e . but hudibras advanc'd to 's aid , and rouz'd his spirits half dismay'd . he , wisely doubting lest the shot of th' enemy , now growing hot , might at a distance gali , prest close , to come , pell-mell , to handiblows : and that he might their aim decline , advanc'd still in an oblique line ; but prudently forbore to sire , till breast to breast he had got nigher . as expert warriours use to do , when hand to hand they charge the foe . this order the advent'rous knight , most souldier-like observ'd in fight : when fortune ( as she 's wont ) turn'd fickle , and for the foe began to stickle . the more shame for her goody-ship , to give so near a friend the slip . for colon chusing out a stone , levell'd so right , it thumpt upon his manly panch with such a force , as almost beat him off his horse . he loos'd his whiniard , and the rein ; but laying fast hold on the mane , preserv'd his seat : and as a goose in death contracts his talons close ; so did the knight , and with one claw the tricker of his pistol draw . the gun went off : and as it was still fatal to stout hudibras , in all his feats of arms , when least he dreamt of it , to prosper best ; so now he far'd : the shot let fly at random 'mong the enemy , pierc'd talgol's gabberdine , and grazing upon his shoulder , in the passing lodg'd in magnano's brass habergeon , who straight a surgeon cry'd , a surgeon . he tumbled down , and as he fell , did murther , murther , murther yell . this startled their whole body so , that if the knight had not let go his arms , but been in warlike plight , h 'had won ( the second time ) the fight . as ralpho might ; but he with care of hudibras his hurt forbare , to press th' advantage of his fortune , while danger did the rest dishearten . for he with cerdon b'ing engag'd in close encounter , they both wag'd the fight so well , 't was hard to say which side was like to get the day . and now the busie work of death had tir'd them so , th' agreed to breath , preparing to renew the fight ; when the disaster of the knight and th' other party did divert their fell intent , and forc'd them part . ralpho prest up to hudibras , and cerdon where magnano was ; each striving to confirm his party with stour encouragements & hearty . quoth ralpho , courage , valiant sir , and ler revenge and honour stir your spirits up , once more fall on , the shatter'd soe begins to run : for if but half so well you knew to use your victory as subdue , they durst not , after such a blow as you have giv'n them , face us now ; but from so formidable a souldier had fled like crows when they smell powder . thrice have they seen your sword aloft wav'd o're their heads , and fled as oft . but if you let them recollect their spirits , now dismay'd and checkt , you 'l have a harder game to play , then yet y'have had to get the day . thus spoke the stout squire ; but was heard of hudibras with small regard . his thoughts were fuller of the bang he lately took , then ralph's harangue ; to which he answer'd , cruel fate tells me thy counsel comes too late . the knotted blood within my hose , that from my wounded body flows , with mortal crisis doth portend my days to appropinque an end . i am for action now unfit , either of fortitude or wit. fortune my foe begins to frown , resolv'd to pull my stomack down . i am not apt upon a wound , or trivial basting , to despond : yet i 'd be loath my days to curtal . for if i thought my wounds not mortal , or that we 'd time enough as yet to make an honourable retreat , t were the best course : but if they find we flie , and leave our arms behind , for them to seize on , the dishonour and danger too is such , i 'le sooner stand to it boldly , and take quarter , to let them see i am no starter . in all the trade of war , no feat is nobler than a brave retreat . this said , the squire with active speed dismounted from his bonny steed , to seize the arms which by mischance f●…ll from the bold knight in a ●…rance . these being found out , and restor'd to hudibras , their natural lord , as a man may say , with might and main he hasted to get up again . thrice he assay'd to mount aloft , but by his weighty bum as oft he was pull'd back : till having found th' advantage of the rising ground , thither he led his warlike steed , and having plac'd him right , with speed prepar'd again to scale the beast . vvhom orsin , who had newly drest the bloody scarupon the shoulder of talgol with promethean powder , and now was searching for the shot that said magnano on the spot , beheld the sturdy squire aforesaid preparing to climb up his horse-side . he left his cure , and laying hold upon his arms , with courage bold cry'd out , 't is now no time to dally , the enemy begins to rally : let us that are unhurt and whole fall on , and happy man be 's dole . this said , like to a thunderbolt he flew , with fury , to th' assault , striving the enemy to attack , before he reacht his horse's back . ralpho was mounted now , & gotten o'rethwart his beast with active vaut - wrigling his body to recover ( ing , his seat , and cast his right leg over ; when orsin rushing in , bestow'd on horse and man so heavy a load , the beast was startled , and begun to kick and fling like mad , and run , bearing the tough squire like a sack , or stout king richard , on his back : till stumbling he threw him down , sore bruis'd , and cast into a sown . meanwhile the knight began to rouse the sparkles of his wonted prowess ; he thrust his hand into his hose , and found both by his eys and nose , 't was only choler , and not blood , that from his wounded body flow'd . this , with the hazard of the squire , inflam'd him with despightful ire ; couragiously he fac'd about , and drew his other pistol out , and now had half-way bent the cock when cerdon gave so fierce a shock , with sturdy truncheon , thwart his arm , that down it fell , and did no harm ; then stoutly pressing on with speed , assay'd to pull him off his steed . the knight his sword had only left , with which he cerdon's head had clest , or at the least cropt off a limb , but orsin came and rescu'd him . he with his launce attack'd the knight upon his quarters opposite . but as a bark that in foul weather , toss'd by two adverse winds together , is bruis'd , and beaten to and fro , and knows not which to turn him to : so far'd the knight between two foes , and knew not which of them t' oppose . till orsin charging with his lance at hudibras , by spightful chance h●…t cerdon such a bang , as stunn'd and laid him flat upon the ground . at this the knight began to chear up , and raising up himself on stirrup , cry'd out victoria ; lie thou there , and i shall straight dispatch another , to bear thee company in death : but first i 'le halt a while and breath . as well he might : for orsin griev'd at th'wound that cerdon had receiv'd ran to relieve him with his lore , and cure the hurt he made before . meanwhile the knight had wheel'd about , to breath himself , and next find out th' advantage of the ground , where best he might the ruffled foe infest . this b'ing resolv'd , he spurr'd his steed , to run at orsin with full speed , while he was busie in the care of cerdon's wound , and unaware : but he was quick , and had already unto the part apply'd remedy ; and seeing th' enemy prepar'd , drew up , and stood upon his guard . then like a warrior right expert and skilful in the martial art , the subtle knight straight made a halt , and judg'd it best to stay th' assault , until he had reliev'd the squire , and then ( in order ) to retire ; or , as occasion should invite , with forces joyn'd renew the sight . ralpho by this time disentranc'd , upon his bum himself advanc'd , though sorely bruis'd ; his limbs all o're with ruthless bangs were stiff and sore . right fain he would have got upon his feet again , to get him gone ; when hudibras to aid him came . quoth he ( and call'd him by his name ) courage , the day at length is ours , and we once more as conquerours , have both the field and honour won , the foe is profligate and run : i mean all such as can , for some this hand hath sent to their long home ; and some lye sprawling on the ground , with many a gash , and bloody wound . caesar himself could never say he got two victories in a day , as i have done , that can say , twice i , in one day , veni , vidi , vici . the foe 's so numerous , that we cannot so often vincere as they perire , and yet enough be left to strike an after-blow . then lest they rally , and once more put us to fight the bus'ness o're , get up , and mount thy steed , dispatch , and let us both their motions watch . quoth ralph , i should not , if i were in case for action , now be her●… ; nor have i turn'd my back , or hang'd an arse for fear of being bang'd : it was for you i got these harms , advent'ring to setch off your arms. the blows and drubs i have receiv'd , have bruis'd my body , and bereav'd my limbs of strength : unless you stoop , and reach your hand to pull me up , i shall lie here , and be a prey to those who now are run away . that thou shalt not ( quoth hudibras : ) we read , the antients held it was more honourable far servare civem , then slay an adversary . the one we oft to day have done ; the other shall dispatch anon . and though th' art of a diff'rent church , i will not leave thee in the lurch . this said , he jogg'd his good steed nigher , and steer'd him gently toward the squire : then bowing down his body , stretcht his hand out , and at ralpho reacht ; when trulla , whom he did not mind , charg'd him like lightening behind . she had been long in search about magnano's wound , to find it out : but could find none , nor where the shot that had so startled him was got . but having found the worst was past , she fell to her own work at last , the pillage of the prisoners , which in all feats of arms was hers : and now to plunder ralph she flew , when hudibras his hard fate drew to succour him ; for as he bo'wd to help him up , she laid a load of blows so heavy , and plac'd so well , on th' other side , that down he fell . yield , scoundrel base ( quoth she ) or die ; thy life is mine , and liberty . but if thou think'st i took thee tardy , and dar'st presume to be so hardy , to try thy fortune o're afresh , i 'le wave my title to thy flesh , thy arms and baggage , now my right : and if thou hast the heart to try'r , i 'le lend thee back thy self a while , and once more for that carcase vile fight upo●…tick — quoth hudibras , thou offer'st nobly valiant lass , and i shall take thee at thy word . first let me rise , and take my sword ; that sword , which has so oft this day , through squadrons of my foes made way , and some to other worlds dispatcht , now with a feeble spinster matcht , will blush with blood ignoble stain'd , by which no her●… ur's to be gain'd . but if thou 'lt take m' advice in this , consider while thou mayst , what 't is to interrupt a victor's course , b' opposing such a trivial force . for if with conquest i come off , ( and that i shall do sure enough ) quarter thou canst not have , nor grace ; by law of arms , in such a case ; both which i now do offer freely . i scorn ( quoth she ) thou coxcomb silly , ( clapping her hand upon her breech , to shew how much she priz'd his speech ) quarter or counsel from a soe : if thou canst force me to it , do . but lest it should again be sed , when i have once more wore thy head , i took thee napping , unprepar'd , arm , and betake thee to thy guard . this said , she to her tackle fell , and on the knight let fall a peal of blows so fierce , and prest so home , that he retir'd , and follow'd's bum . stand to 't , quoth she , or yield to mercy , it is not fighting arsie-versie shall serve thy turn — this stirr'd his spleen more than the danger he was in , the blows he felt or was to feel , although th' already made him reel . honour , despight , revenge , and shame , at once unto his stomack came ; which fir'd it so , he rais'd his arm above his head , and rain'd a storm of blows so terrible and thick , as if be meant to hash her quick . but she upon her truncheon took them , and by oblique diversion broke them ; waiting an opportunity to pay all back with usury . which long she fail'd not of , for now the knight with one dead-doing blow , resolving to deside the fight , and she with quick and cunning slight avoiding it , the force and weight he charg'd upon it was so great , as almost sway'd him to the ground . no sooner she th' advantage found , but in she flew , and seconding with home-made thrust the heavy swing , she said him flat upon his side , and mounting on his trunk a-stride , quoth she , i told thee what would come of all thy vapouring , base scum. shall i have quarrer now ? you ruffin ; or wilt thou be worse than thy huffing ? ( thou : thou saidst th' woud'st kill me , marry woud'it why dost thou not , thou jack-a-nods thou ? why dost not put me to the sword ? but cowardly flie from thy word ? quoth hudibras , the day 's thine own ; thou and thy stars have cast me down : my laurels are transplanted now , and flourish on thy conqu'ring brow : my loss of honour's great enough , thou need'st not brand it with a scoff : sarcasmes may eclipse thine own , but cannot blur my lost renown : i am not now in fortunes power , he that is down can fall no lower . the antient heroes were illustrious for being benigne , and not blustrous , against a vanquisht foe : their swords were sharp and trencheant , not their words ; and did in fight but cut work out t' employ their courtesies about . quoth she , although thou hast deserv'd , base slubberdegullion , to be serv'd as thou didst vow to deal with me , if thou hadst got the victory , yet i shall rather act a part that suits my fame , than thy desert . thy arms , thy liberty , beside all that 's on th' outside of thy hide , are mine by military law , of which i will not bate one straw : the rest , thy life and limbs , once more , though doubly forfeit , i restore . quoth hudibras , it is to late for me to treat , or stipulate ; what thou command'st i must obey : yet those whom i expugn'd to day . of thine own party , i let go , and gave them life , and freedom too , both dogs and bear , upon their parol , whom i took pris'ners in this quarrel . quoth trulla , whether thou or they let one another run away , concerns not me : but was 't not thou that gave crowdero quarter too ? crowdero , whom in irons bound , thou basely threw'st into lob's pound : where still he lies , and with regret his generous bowels rage and fret . but now thy carcase shall redeem , and serve to be exchange for him . this said , the knight did straight submit , and laid his weapons at her feet . next he disrob'd his gaberdine , and with it did himself resign . she took it , and forthwith divesting the mantle that she wore , said jesting , take that , and wear it for my sake ; then threw it o're his sturdy back . and as the french we conquer'd once , now give us laws for pantaloons , the length of breeches , and the gathers , port-canons , perriwigs , and feathers , just so the proud insulting lass array'd , and dighted hudibras . mean while the other champions , yerst in hurry of the fight disperst , arriv'd , when trulla'd won the day , to share in th' honour , and the prey , and out of hudibras his hide , with vengeance to be satisfy'd ; which now they were about to pour upon him in a wooden showre . but trulla thrust her self between , and striding o're his back agen , she brandisht o're her head his sword , and vow'd they should not break her word ; sh 'had giv'n him quarter , and her blood or theirs , should make that quarter good . for she was bound by law of arms , to see him safe from further harms , in dungeon deep crowdero cast by hudibras , as yet lay fast , where , to the hard and ruthless stones , his great heart made perpetual mones . him she resolv'd that hudibras should ransome , and supply , his place . this stopt their fury , and the basting which toward hudibras was hasting . they thought it was but just and right . that what she had atchiev'd in fight , she should dispose of how she pleas'd ; crowdero ought to be releas'd ; nor could that any way be done so well as this she pitcht upon : for who a better could imagine ? this therefore they resolv'd t' engage in . the knight and squier first they made rise from the ground where they were laid ; then mounted both upon their horses , but with their faces to the arses , orsin led hudibras his beast , and talgol that which ralpho prest , whom stout magnano , valiant cerdon , and colon waited as a guard on . all ush'ring trnlla , in the rear , with th' arms of either prisoner . in this proud order and array they put themselves upon their way , striving to reach th' enchanted castle , where stout crowdero in durance lay still , thither with greater speed , then shows and triumphs over conquer'd foes do use t' allow , or then the bears , or pageants born before lord mayors are wont to use , they soon arriv'd , in order souldier-like contriv'd , still marching in a warlike posture , as fit for battel as for muster . the knight and squire they first unhorse , and bending 'gainst the fort their force , they all advanc't , and round about , begirt the magical redoubt , magnan ' led up in this adventure , and made way for the rest to enter . for he was skilful in black art , no less than he that built the fort ; and with an iron mace laid flat a breach , which straight all enter'd at , and in the wooden dungeon found crowdero laid upon the ground . him they release from durance base , restor'd t' his fiddle , and his case , and liberty , his thirsty rage with lushious vengeance to asswage . for he no sooner was at large , but trulla straight brought on her charge , and in the self-same limbo put the knight and squire , where he was shut . where leaving them in hockly i' th' hole , their bangs and durance to condole , confin'd and conjur'd into narrow enchanted mansion , to know sorrow ; in the same order and array which they advanc'd , they marcht away . but hudibras , who scorn'd to stoop to fortune , or be said to droop , chear'd up himself with ends of verse , and sayings of philosophers . quoth he , th' one half of man , his mind , is sui juris , unconfin'd , and cannot be laid by the heels , what e're the other moity feels . 't is not restraint or liberty that makes men prisoners or free ; but perturbations that possess the mind or aequanimities . the whole world was not half so wide to alexander , when he cry'd because he had but one to subdue , as was a paultry narrow tub to diogenes , who is not sed ( for ought that ever i could read ) to whine , put finger i' th' eye , and sob because h' had ne're another tub. the antients make two several kinds of prowess in heroick minds , the active , and the passive valiant ; both which are pari librâ gallant : for both to give blows , and to carry , in fights are equenecessary , but in defeats , the passive stout , are always found to stand it out most desp●…rately , and to out-do the active , 'gainst a conqu'ring foe . though we with blacks and blews are suggill'd , or , as the vulgar say , are cudgell'd : he that is valant , and dares fight , though drub'd , can lose no honour by 't . honour 's a leaf for time to come , and cannot be extended from the legal tenant : 't is a chattel , not to be forfeited in battel . if he that is in battel slain , be in the bed of honour lain ; he that is beaten may be sed to lye in honour's truckle-bed . for as we see th' eclipsed sun. by mortals is more gaz'd upon , than when adorn'd with all his light , he shines in serene sky most bright : so valour in a low estate is most admir'd , and wonder'd at . quoth ralph , how great i do not know we may by being beaten grow ; but none that see how here we sit , will judge us over-grown with wit. as gifted brethren preaching by a carnal hour-glass , do imply illumination can convey into them what they have to say , but not how much : so well enough know you ●…o charge , but not draw off . for who without a cap and bauble , having subdu'd a bear , and rabble , and might with honour have come off , would put it to a second proof ; a politick exploir , tight fit , for presbyterian zeal and wit. quoth hudibras , that cuckow 's tone , ralpho , thou always harp'st upon : 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 any thing wouldst rail , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 presbytery thy scale 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 height ou'r , and explain to what degree it is prophane . what 's ' ever will not with thy ( what d' y' call ) thy light jump right , thou call'st synodical . 〈◊〉 presbytery were a standard 〈◊〉 what 's ever 's to be slander'd . 〈◊〉 not remember , how this day , thou to my beard wast bold to say , that thou couldst prove bear-baiting equal with synods , orthodox and legal ? do if thou canst , for i deny 't , and dare thee to 't with all thy light . quoth ralpho , truly that is no hard matter for a man to do that has but any guts in 's brains , and could believe it worth his pains . but since you dare and urge me to it , you 'l find l 've light enough to do it . synods are mystical bear-gardens , where elders , deputies , church-wardens , and other members of the court , manage the babylonish sport . for prolocutor , scribe , and bearward , do differ only in a meet word . both are but sev'ral synagogues of carnal men , and bears and dogs : both antichristian assemblies , to mischief bent as far 's in them lies : both stave and tail , with fierce contests , the one with men , the other beasts . the dist'rence is , the one fights with the tongue , the other with the teeth : and that they b●…it but bears in this , in th' other souls and consciences ; where saints themselves are brought to stake , for gospel-light , and conscience sake ; expos'd to scribes and presbyters , instead of mastive-dogs and curs ; then whom th' have less humanity , for these at souls of men will flie . this to the prophet did appear , who in a vision saw a bear , prefiguring the beastly rage of church-rule in this latter age : as is demonstrated at full by him that baited the pope's bull , bears naturally are beasts of prey , that live by rapine so do they . what are their orders , constitutions , church censures , curses , absolutions , but sev'ral mystick chains they make , to tye poor christians to the stake ? and then set heathen officers , instead of dogs , about their ears , for to prohibit and dispence , to find out or to make offence , of hell and heaven to dispose , to play with souls at fast and loose ; to set what characters they please , and mulcts on sin or godliness ; reduce the church to gospel-order , by rapi●… , sacriledge , and marther : to make presbytery sup●…am , and kings themselves submit to them ; and force all people , though against their consciences , to turn saints , must prove a pretty thriving trade , when saints monopolists are made . when pious frauds , and holy shifts , are dispensations and gifts , there godliness becomes meer ware , and ev'ry synod but a fair. synods are whelps of th' inquisition , a mungrel breed of like petnicion , and growing up became the sires of scribes , commissioners , and triers : whose bus'ness is , by cunning sleight , to cast a figure for mens light : to find in lines of beard and face , the physiognomy of grace ; and by the sound and twang of nose , if all be sound within disclose , free from a crack , or flaw of sinning , as men try pipkins by the ringing . by black caps , underlaid with white , give certain guess at inward light ; which serjeants at the gospel wear , to make their spiritual calling clear . the hand kercher about the neck , ( canonical crabat of smeck , from whom the institution came , when church & state they set on flame , and worn by them as badges then of spiritual warfaring men ) judge rightly if regeneration be of the newest cut in fashion . sure 't is an orthodox opinion , that grace is founded in dominion . great piety consists in pride ; to rule , is to be sanctifi'd : to domineer , and to controul , both o're the body , and the soul , is the most perfect discipline of church-rule , and by right divine . bell , and the dragon's chaplains were more moderate than these by far : for they ( poor knaves ) were glad to cheat , to get their wives and children meat ; but these will not be fobb'd off so , they must have wealth and power too , or else with blood and desolation , they 'l tear it out o' th' heart o' th' nation . sure these themselves from primitive and heathen priesthood do derive , when butchers were the only clerks , elders and presbrters of kirks , whose directory was to kill ; and some believe it is so still . the only diff'rence is , that then they slaughter'd only beasts , now men , for then to sacrifice a bullock , or now and then a child to molock , they count a vile abomination , but not to slaughter a whole nation . presbytery does but translate the papacy to a free-state , a common-wealth of popery , where ev'ry village is a see as well as rome , and must maintain a tithe-pig-metropolitan : where ev'ry presbyter and deacon commands the keyes for cheese and bacon ; and ev'ry hamlet's governed by 's holinesse , the church's head , more haughty and severe in 's place then gregory and boniface . such charch must ( surely ) be a monster with many heads : for if we conster what in th' apocalyps we find , according to th' apostle's mind , 't is that the whore of babylon with many heads did ride upon ; which heads denote the sinfull tribe of deacon , priest , lay-elder , scribe . lay-elder , simeon to levi , whose little finger is as heavy as loyns of patriarchs , prince-prelate , and bishop-secular . this zealot is of a mungrel , diverse kind , clerick before , and lay behind ; a lawlesse linsie-wolsie brother , half of one order , half another ; a creature of amphibious nature , on land a beast , a fish in water ; that alwayes preys on grace , or sin ; a sheep without , a wolf within . this fieroe inquisitor has chief dominion over mens belief and manners ; can pronounce a saint idolatrous , or ignorant , when superciliously he sifts through coursest boulter others gifts . for all men live and judge amiss , whose talents jump not just with his . he 'l lay on gifts with hands , and place on dullest noddle light and grace , the manufacture of the kirk , whose pastors are but th' handiwork of his mechanick paws , instilling divinity in them by feeling , from whence they start up chosen vessel : , made by contract , as men get meazels . so cardinals , they say , do grone at th' other end the new-made pope . hold , hold , quoth hudibras , soft fire they say , does make sweet mault . good squire , festina lente , not too fast , for haste ( the proverb sayes ) makes waste . the quicks and cavils thou dost make are false , and built upon mistake . and i shall bring you , with your pack of fallacies , t' elenchi back ; and put your arguments in mood and figure , to be understood . i 'le force you by right ratiocination to leave your vitilitigation , and make you keep to th' question close , and argue dialectic 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . the question then , to state it first , is which is better , or which worst , synods or bears . bears i avow to be the worst , and synods thou . but to make good th' assertion , thou say'st th' are really all one . if so , not worst ; for if th' are idem , why that tantundem dat tantidem . for if they are the same , by course neither is better , neither worse . but i deny they are the same , more then a maggot and i am . that both are animalia , i grant , but not rationalia : for though they do agree in kind , specifick difference we find , and can no more make bears of these , then prove my horse is socrates . that synods are bear-gardens too , thou dost affirm ; but i say no. and thus i prove it , in a word , whats'ever assembly's not impow'rd to censure , curse , absolve , and ordain , can be no synod : but bear-garden has no such pow'r , ergo 't is none . and so thy sophistry's o'rethrown . but yet we are beside the question which thou didst raise the first contest on ; for that was , whether bears are better then synod-men ; i say , negatur . that bears are beasts , and synods men , is held by all : they 'r better then . for bears and dogs on four legs go , as beasts , but synod-men on two . 't is true , they all have teeth and nails ; but prove that synod-men have tails ; or that a rugged , shaggy fur crows o're the hide of presbyter ; or that his snout and spacious cars , do hold proportion with a bear 's . a bear 's a savage beast , of all most ugly and unnatural , whelpt without form , until the dam have lickt him into shape and frame : but all thy light can ne're evict that ever synod-man was licki ; or brough to any other fashion then his own will and inclination . but thou dost further yer in this oppugne thy self , and sense , that is , thou wouldst have presbyters to go for bears , and dogs , and bearwards too . a strange chimara of beasts and men , made up of pieces heterogene , such as in nature never met in eodem subjecto yet . thy other arguments are all supposures , hypothetical , that do but beg , and we may chuse either to grant them , or refuse . much thou hast said , which i know when , and where , thou stol'st from other men , ( whereby 't is plain , thy light and gifts , are all but plagiary shifts ; ) and is the same that ranter sed , that arguing with me , broke my head , and tore a handful of my beard : the self-same cavils then i heard , when b'ing in hot dispute about this controversie , we fell out ; and what thou know'st i answer'd then , will serve to answer thee agen . quoth ralpho , nothing but th' abuse of humane learning you produce ; learning , that cobweb of the brain , profane , erroneous , and vain ; a trade of knowledge as repreat as others are with fraud and cheat ; an art t'incumber gifts and wit , and render both sor nothing fit ; makes light unactive , dull and troubled , like little david in saul's doublet ; a cheat that scholars put upon other mens reason and their own ; a fort of errour , to ensconce absurdity and ignorance ; that renders all the avenues to truth impervious and abstruse , by making plain things , in debate , by art , perplext and intricate : for nothing goes for sense or light that will not with old rules jump right . as if rules were not in the schools deriv'd from truth , but truth from rules . this pagaen , heathenish invention is good for nothing but contention , for as in sword-and-buckler fight , all blows do on the target light : so when men argue , the great'st part o' th' contest falls on terms of art , untill the sustian stuff be spent , and then they fall to th' argument . quoth hudibras , friend ralph , thou hast out-run the constable at last ; for thou art fallen on a new dispute , as senseless & untrue , but to the former opposite , and contrary as black to white ; mere disparata , that concerning presbytery , this , humane learning ; two things s'averse , they never yet but in thy rambling fancy met . but i shall take a fit occasion t' evince thee by ratiocination , some other time , in place more proper then this w' are in : therefore let 's stop here , and rest our weari'd bones a while , already tir'd with other toil . finis . errata . page . line . for po read do . ibid. line . for beat 's read bear 's . page . for nave olfact read nare olfact . mola asinaria: or, the unreasonable and insupportable burthen now press'd upon the shoulders of this groaning nation: by the headless head, and unruly rulers, that usurp upon the liberties and priviledges of the oppressed people. held forth in a remonstrance to all those that have yet sound and impartial ears to hear, and duly weighed in the scales of equity and justice ... wherein is demonstrated, what slavery the nation must subject it self to, by allowing the lawfulness and usurped authority of the pretended long parliament now unlawfully and violently held at westminster. by william prynne, bencher of lincolns-inne. butler, samuel, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason e _ ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing b a thomason e _ estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; :e [ ]) mola asinaria: or, the unreasonable and insupportable burthen now press'd upon the shoulders of this groaning nation: by the headless head, and unruly rulers, that usurp upon the liberties and priviledges of the oppressed people. held forth in a remonstrance to all those that have yet sound and impartial ears to hear, and duly weighed in the scales of equity and justice ... wherein is demonstrated, what slavery the nation must subject it self to, by allowing the lawfulness and usurped authority of the pretended long parliament now unlawfully and violently held at westminster. by william prynne, bencher of lincolns-inne. butler, samuel, - . prynne, william, - , attributed name. [ ], p. [s.n.], printed at london : in the year mdclvix. [i.e. ] a satire on prynne, attributed to samuel butler. annotation on thomason copy: "may. ". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng prynne, william, - -- early works to . political satire, english -- early works to . great britain -- politics and government -- - -- early works to . a r (thomason e _ ). civilwar no mola asinaria: or, the unreasonable and insupportable burthen now press'd upon the shoulders of this groaning nation:: by the headless head butler, samuel c the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the c category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - elspeth healey sampled and proofread - elspeth healey text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion mola asinaria : or , the unreasonable and insupportable burthen now press'd upon the shoulders of this groaning nation : by the headless head , and unruly rulers , that usurp upon the liberties and priviledges of the oppressed people . held forth in a remonstrance to all those that have yet sound and impartial ears to hear , and duly weighed in the scales of equity and justice . by william prynne , bencher of lincolns-inne . wherein is demonstrated , what slavery the nation must subject it self to , by allowing the lawfulness and usurped authority of the pretended long parliament now unlawfully and violently held at westminster . jusque datum sceleri . printed at london , in the year mdclvix . mola asinaria , &c. countrymen : there is not any thing in the universe deserves less to be a member of it , then a self-seeking man , who unconcern'd in the publick good , regards onely his private interest . the world unwillingly contributes to his maintenance ; and nature less abhors a vacuum , then that any place should be filled by a subject so empty of desert . he is a savage creature in the midst of civil people , not deserving to be born of others , as not caring to live , but for himself . nay , it is worthily reputed a kind of civil death , to do nothing else but live : for as long as we have a country to abide in , we have a duty to tender it . all we have , we have from it ; and by consequence owe it all we have . our lives and fortunes are safest , when ventured for the publick interest ; and he is the truest lover of law and liberty , that affects rather to be ruled , then to rule ; he the freest subject , that creates himself a voluntary slave to his countries service . take from the world this inviolable law , ( that is not writ in brass , but deeply imprinted in loyal hearts ) and it shall again turn savage and barbarous . this is a truth so manifest , and not to be dissembled , that never yet was there a tyrant , but pretended to be a saviour of the people . liberty , conscience , a glorious nation , the good old cause , and such specious names are made use of : nec quisquam alienum servitium & dominationem concupivit , ut non eadem ista vocabula usurparit . these machiavilian tricks , and political cheats so often put upon the people of our nation , me thinks should have by this time undeceived us with a sad experience of the miseries we have subjected our selves to , by a perpetual itch of reforming , annulling , creating laws , and framing new governments to the model of every grandees ambition ; and yet we are againe ready to thrust our necks into a new yoak of slavery , rather then any man will engage his private fortunes , and venture to redeem his country from bondage . it is laid to the charge of english-men by forraigners , that we are {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , and above all nations under heaven pretending to civility , the greatest self-seekers ; as regarding much more our own particular , then the general concerns . i must needs say , other nations would have canonized for martyrs , and erected statues after their death to the memory of some of our compatriots , whom ye have barbarously defaced and mangled yet alive , for no other motive , but their undaunted zeal . it has been ( i know not whether i should say ) your misfortune , or my glory , to become a sufferer for a legal vindication of the liberties of our kingdom ; but yet i never knew what it was to fear , when i perceived my self engaged in so good a cause ; not envy nor snarling pamphlets shall stop the course of my pen freely running into my countries defence , which my profession and age forbid me to vindicate by the sword . let young men serve it with their strength and arms , let old men secure it by their heads and counsel : for my part , i desire to live no longer then i can in some sort contribute to so glorious a work . i have of late been snarled at for it by certain licentious scriblers , that durst not own their names for fear of discovering their asses ears : however , they are pleased to twitch at the honourable remnant of mine . they thought to have stopt my mouth by their brauling and braying ; but i dare yet speak louder ; and i hope i shall be heard by all such as have yet sound and impartial ears : but if my cry will not reach you , i fear ( dear country-men ) the voyce of blood will speedily interrupt your slumbring security . those that will be lawless , finde fault with my writings , because i vindicate the anciently established laws of england ; and tax me of desperate non-sense , because i will not allow them an unlimited , unlegal legislative power to repeal , annul , alter , and enact what laws soever they deem best to serve their own turns . they deceitfully cry out , salus populi suprema lex esto ! an axiome that i no ways deny to be true ; but i would desire to be instructed who are to be judges , of what is expedient for the good of the people ? the author of the forecited maxime says , leges magistratibus praesunt , ut magistratus praesunt populo : and the great doctor st. austin not doubted to affirm , that those societies where law and justice is not , are not common-wealths or kingdoms , but magna latrocinia , great thefts and trapanning cheats . as for the power of altering laws , or bringing in new ones , and setting up new governments , it is allowed by wise men , that all power lawfully exercised upon a commonwealth , must necessarily be derived either from the appointment of god , who is supreme lord of all ; or from the consent of the society it self , that hath the next power to his , of disposing of their own liberty , as they shall think fit for their good , whose benefit is the end of all government . therefore whoever arrogates such power to himself , that cannot produce one of these two titles , is not a ruler , but an invader , or a tyrant . now how this pretended long parliament , restored by the force of souldiers , by whose force it had first been dissolved , and was before annulled by the death or murther of king charles the first , that summoned it , he being principium , causa , & finis parliamenti ; after his murther , the house of lords and monarchy being abolished , and so many of the ancient members thrown out , new ones unduly elected , and such horrid thefts , rapes , &c. committed by them upon the people , can lawfully be said the peoples representatives , and authorized by them , is the greatest riddle that ever was propounded to a puzzled state . it was in the year , that i published a legal vindication of the liberties of england ; in which i demonstrated the nullity of the then-pretended long parliament ; and lately i set forth a lively pattern of the spurious old cause pretended to be revived and vindicated by the fine pageant or now-sitting ghost of the long-since departed long parliament ; neither need i reason farther with reasonable persons about it : yet since this phantastical hob-gobbling appears still to fright the quiet people , and tempts them ( like an evil spirit ) to give themselves to such an unruly devil ; i will here onely hold forth to the view of all good englishmen , what slavery they must needs subject themselves unto , if they resolve to cast off forever their lawful master and soveraign , and take for new masters these upstart domineering tyrants . let then every honest freeborn subject of england , lay his hand upon his breast , and ask of his own conscience , whether notwithstanding all former oaths of allegiance , supremacy , protestation , solemn leagues and covenants , &c. he can voluntarily submit to , and thereby freely acknowledge , contrary to his former knowledge and the said oath , &c. . that there may be , and now is a lawfully-assembled parliament of england actually in being , legally continuing after the late kings death , or lawfully re-assembled without king , lords , or most of their fellow-members , consisting onely of a few late members of the commons house . . that this parliament re-established by a military force ▪ and packed together by power of an army combining with them , hath just and lawful authority , and had it before ; . to arraign , condemn and execute their lawful king himself , with the peers and commons of this realm . . to dis-inherit the kings posterity of the crown . . to extirpate monarchy , and the whole house of peers . . to violate the priviledges , rights , freedoms , customs , and alter the constitution of parliaments themselves ; to change and subvert the ancient government , seals , laws , writs , courts and coyn of the kingdom . . to sell and dispose of all the lands , revenues , jewels , goods of the crown , with the lands of deans and chapters , for their own advantages , not for the easing of the people from taxes . . to dispose of the forts , ships , forces , offices of honour , power , trust or profit , to whom they please . . to raise and keep up what forces by land or sea they please , and impose taxes , &c. to make what new acts , laws , and reverse what old ones they think meet . . to absolve themselves ( by more then a papal power ) and all the subjects of this land , from all the aforesaid oaths , engagements , protestations , &c. . to permit , settle , or invent what sect , heresie , or religion they please , provided they be not papacy or prelacy , and that they allow not blasphemy against the trinity . . i ask now if every freeborn subject that hath not raised himself an interest by villany , or an estate by robbery , or incurred a guilt to the gallows for having his hand in blood , had not better venture life and fortunes to reduce the true and lawful heir into a peaceful possession of his right , then to authorize by his consent a new-fangled government compacted of treason , usurpation , tyranny , theft and murder ? finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- tacit. cicero . de civit . dei . the chimneys scuffle approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the chimneys scuffle brathwaite, richard, ?- . butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. [s.n.], london : . marginal notes. attributed to richard brathwaite and to samuel butler. cf. nuc pre- v. p. . in verse. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - jennifer kietzman sampled and proofread - jennifer kietzman text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the chimneys scuffle . publica fumantes tetigere tributa caminos , naribus audacis fastidiosa plebis . london , printed in the year . the chimneys scuffle . this is no libel , such as rogues disperse , but a poor chimney-plea in honest verse . dear mistress of the muses , polihym●y , breath spirit into th' funnel of my chimney , that old mull'd-sack , who to such fortunes crept ; and from a chimney to a mannor lept , may with our steemy consort joyn in one throbbing our suff rings in a sooty room . but whence comes this complaint ? be pleas'd to hear ; more 's laid upon out hearths , than they can bear. our chimney-sweepers may their hovels keep , for now the owners must their chimneys sweep to lessen their scrude tax . — turn o're thy book , search thy records , * cropt prin , and shew why smoak should thus be hoisted : where so many shar'd , while other smoakers in our state be spar'd ! th' like smoaking age did never yet appear , 't is thought we shall turn aetna the next year : we 're all in smoak and powder : not a stove but must our synods grand designe improve . alas poor chimney-pipes ! say , why should you be used thus , who stand but for a show in great mens kitchins ; while your lords at court act for high places , of some other sport : presenting there their pagentry so clear as if they meant to make 't a theater . their tyre-rooms are alike : and it is common , women act there with men , and men with women . their tents remov'd : the meniey must resort by their lords conduct to the modish court , where his disbanded ancient family a squirrel lacky , or py-colour'd page , becomes reduc'd to one bare livery ; which may secure his honour from much wage ; his vails will do it , or a cashier'd suit with some appendices of fancy to 't . batts now and scrich-owls may keep open house , while their lords sated with a court-carouse , display their loose debauch'ry : yet must they for their starv'd smoakless chimneys duely pay this late enacted tax : o precious jewel that pays the state for fire-work without fuel ! and this is just : for these get any day more by one suit than thousand chimneys pay . whereas poor tradesmen who live by their booth , earning no more than serves from hand to mouth , with all their stock can scarce pay scot and lot , eating at night more than the day had got : these must be smoak'd too , though their chimneys speak they knew not what fire meant throughout the week . is this a parallel , line , or solon's law ? that those whose fortunes are not worth a straw should be thus pounc'd to muminie , and receive no more exemption than our grandees have . — caesar i beg a boon , and it is this that i may plead in forma pauperis for these wcak starvelings , who make 't their desire that their estates may purchase first a fire ere they pay for their chimneys ; and that those whose grandeur by our suff'rings daily grows to such a boundless bottome , as in time their daring height will threaten a decline , may feel your princely lash ; and these be many who ought well to be smoak'd as much as any . for they 're such state-impostons , as their task is to disguise their actions with a mask of partial-guilt conformity ; and such as like base bulloign will not bide the touch , being all coat-cards , but of that vicious crue , their hearts are false for all their modish shew . and i must tell you from the zeal i bear unto that sacred diadem you wear , that those court-burs who onely set their rast on best-betrust or on self-interest , ( for that 's prime game at cards they daily use for their advantage and your high abuse , ) can with a spanish-shrug complete their ends , and make the world beleive they 're caesar's friends ; ingratitude concludes them to be those whom you reward the most be most your foes , be not these courtly cay-ducks , whose repute swoln with ambition of a gaudy suit , or some outlaudish , gimp-thigh'd pantalour , a garb since adam's . time was rarely known ; strut all a-long to win the eyes of men , who , if discreet , with scorn dis-value them ; all sycamours for shadow ; nought for fruit , vers'd only in a frivolous dispute or loose discourse of hawk , or hound , or horse , or in pursuit of h , what 's ten times worse . these be those lazy fruitlesse droans who thrive by sucking honey from your princely hive , what they ne're wrought nor duly labour'd for , and these may rest securely on the shore ; while your endeered zelots who have lost their fortunes for your sake are hourly crost by adverse winds : long have these starvelings bin waiting at th' pool in hope to be tane in , but some desertlesse amorists of fashion , though really the refuse of our nation , must be admitted to the highest place not by internal but external grace . 't is only gold-foil that performs the work , heav'ns blesse our court from such a cursed turk , for though his partial presence honour win , he had no hand in bringing's sov'raign in . awake great prince , intend your own affairs , let no light dalilah rob you of your hairs ; those royal nerves should now imployed be in steering th' rudder of your monarchie ; and smoaking those ratouns who make 't their aime to raise their fortunes though they split their fame ; nay , th' honour of our nation ; which is tride sufficiently at th' game of peep and hide . our state 's a constant mask : — nor can we know their faces by their vizors ; but they show best when they 'r least discover'd : for what good can be deriv'd from those corrupt their blood , and mould base heraldry , sprinkling a shame upon th' degenerate house , from whence they came ? all 's out of order ; marriage beds begin to take a surfet and to rellish sin. stoln waters rast the sweetest ; those fruits too which in their proper soil did never grow , but by a strange-inoculating hand seizing on that which th' owner should command , solace their palates most : — actors o th' stage spouse it the best with th' peerage of this age. yet th' spousal holds not : a dispensive power has made his wife his constant paramour : and yet he loves her as he loves his life , and dearer too then if she were his wife . but that we may the sooner make an end , let us unto your offices descend , both great and num'rous in your peaceful state , and such as make our officers too fat : so swoln as they forget what they have bin , with those brave places they are seated in . my pen ne'r brook'd the style of parasite , the world shall see i 'll do each office right . and first to those whom we account the prime , those lawn-fleeves of our late reformed time , whose boundlesse height such priviledges give as if they trench'd on your prerogative . for these are smoakers too , give them their due , when we our dormant leases should renew ; which might have been prevented in our land if you had kept those leases in your hand . which would have given those mounting lords content , and rais'd fit pentions for your indigent deserving friends ; who bravely stood their ground when these mandilions were not to be found . yet those insatiate herds for all their store are in their thoughts as empty as before : though diocesses be of large extent to thirsty lungs they 're insufficient . balaam's priests could cunningly devise how to convey their idol sacrifice . this thirst deserves rebuke in him that preaches , cathedral rabbies should be no horse-leaches . and some we have no leprous gold will touch , they 're yet thin ●own , may we have many such . there 's smoak in law too , having to much skill as to drain water from the clients mill. the one as simple as the other wife , the lawyer g●inds and takes the millers grife . he 'l finger your pretence be ' t right or wrong , though th' cause be weak , fat fees will make it strong . had these in xerxes or severus dayes sought to enlarge their fame , or fortunes raise , they by imperial sentence had been smoak'd , and with gold molted down their throat been chok'd : for nought in reason could be held more sit , than those who sold base smoak to fall by it : shall i draw near your court ? it will aver the ranting courtier smoaks the cavalier ; who though he never fought not ever will , he can prefer a suit , and there 's his skilp . yet this brisk gig for all his garish show , proves smoaked by his damasella too ; who near the lobby or the back-stairs waits to squeeze her pention from her brothel mates : this brings revenues to the surgeons hall , but cheats and courtly cringes pay for all . those in our state he only held for wisemen who are design'd commissioners and excisemen . these be those grand impostors of our state , and need not for preferment long to wait , for they 've already feather'd well their nest , and on your subjects ruine set their rest . these to improve your rents , as they pretend , become your farmers , but observe the end of their imployments ! 't is their only aim to make a booty of their soveraign . with modest boldnesse let me tell your grace , that these have cheated you before your face , in prizing th' rates of customs to be such , when th' annual profit render'd thrice as much . now was not this design persued well , to take the kernell and leave you the shell ? yet these be farmers still : persons of case sharing in your revennes as they please : made to cajole the state , but do no good unlesse it be to suck the vital blood of your endeered subjects , who have serv'd both you and yours ; and better far deserv'd than these cantarides who cleave to th' skin for the rivulets of blood that flow within : but when their yawning chaps have drunk up all , high-swoln with loyal blood , they 're forc'd to fall . these too like impudent suiters lately wooe to be the farmers of our chimneys too : which by their active undermining wit they first contriv'd , by votes committing it to a self-own'd committee , whose compact brought this proposol to an expresse act : and though by act prohibited it be no member share in that proprience , a trick is found out by their quick-silver'd brain , a dispensation for a future gain . these raking rocks when they 're on profit set ; take all for fish that comes into their net. and these grandalions of your own retenue who would be thought to heighten your revenue : and with more fullnesse of content instore you than any prince that ever raign'd before you : just as that rebel parliament profess'd to your late father in his suff'rings bless'd . brave plots ; rich profers ! which like flow'rs were strew'd not to refresh the sense but to delude . but was this done , my gracious liege , for you ? no , though at first sight it might make a shew , as painted projects use , t' inhance your ren●s , their subtile sconces moulded worse intents than pur-blin'd eyes discover'd ; for they sought either by farming what their brokage wrought , or by their agents to ingratiate ▪ your smile for whom they did negotiate . but such base baits you cannot rellish , sure , those be your friends who make you most secure : whereas court-fawns , those buffouns of our age practise a-long your honour to ingage ; which princes ever held the precioust gem that could enrich a royal diadem . for what 's this guilded state but painted clay if spotlesse reputation fall away ? may that live still unblemish'd , and remain an individual to my sov'raign , i 'm bold , but 't is my zeal that makes me so , who spares to speak he is your fawning foe . satyrs who lay true tincture on a crime , deserve more praise then humorists o th' time . 't is charity in him that shews the way , or lends his light to one who goes a stray a subject to his prince is such a debter , the plainer that he writes , he loves him better . into your court such favourites have rush'd , whose coats being full of moats had need be brush'd ; 't is true indeed we have comp●rolors plenty , but of that rank there is not one of twenty dare execute that office as , he should , nor would he , i 'm perswaded , if he could . the weeds of others cannot well be mown by those who have so many of their own : their studies are lampounds ; wherein their aime states court-abuses to the penner's shame ; for there 's not any witty back-stair wench but reading jeers them for their want of sense . we talk of a strange thing call'd reformation , but where 's that creature to be sound i th' nation ! that language is utopian , none of ours , and has been long time since shut out a doors as a regardlesse alien : — let us can and take our circuit from man to man. phanatick , libertine and leveller , our rigid presbyterian , who to err were held a prodigy : let 's see what peace or reformation any one of these can hold forth to us ! — but the other day iohn presbyter was to be pack'd away with his sedicious spawn : but are they gone as 't was injoyn'd them , forty miles from town ? no , no , believe it this was a brute thunder , their swelling spirits are not so kept under ; for they 're repriv'd , their censure now blown o're and re-estated where they were before : and now restor'd , they vapour it afresh as none might touch their sanctified hesh . those who supply their places few draw near them , and though they preach pure doctrine none wil hear them . is this the way to reformations , say , when shepherds who have taught their flocks to stray must be indulg'd ; and though they bring forth leaves but no soul-saving fruit , yet must lawn-●eeves though ne'r so orthodoxal ; be content with a fraterual shrug to give consent to these church-cattines , whose active pate works to reduce us to that forlorn state which our anarchiall government retain'd while th' syracusan tyrant o're us raign'd ? nor can i blame those magpies if they give such freedome to these zimreys to live ; high forts support the lower : those who ne'r were friends to church discipline nor the lords prayer be their good lords : and these in such high grace as they 'l cast dirt in any bishops face ; so bravely rais'd they are , to courtly strong as they will do no right nor suffer wrong : nor is it strange that they their faith dis-own who made their breach of faith before with crown . grave presbyterian patrons , who display their zeal by throwing common pray'r away doom'd to a dif●rent martyrdome , as of late was done in flat defiance to the state and th' high prerogative sole due to you , as if we had no native caesar now : if this succeed , as 't his a fearful shew , a tragick epilogue must needs ensue . we hear of coiners too , but they 're so greai as they may safely play the counterfeit : men of meb high descent and brave desert scorn to receive their convoy from a cart. the sun has many moats , yet who 'l assay to take those radiant blemishes away ? they 're glorious soils : and those are daring fools who call in question either art or tools . i much commend those coiners pollicy who stand secur'd by their society : for they on such dependent statists hing , they 're priviledg'd from cap'ring in a string . but to our chimney-work ! — this enterview must catechise us — sir , what chimneys you ; what hearths , stoves , ovens ? render us account , for we 're contractors . and must stand upon 't : do not deceive your self , return your number , for you 're to suffer if you render under . the lash o th' act shall swinge you with such strokes as never shall be cur'd by iohn an oakes nor those grave coif-men , who for either side in our late bickerings have their judgements tried : and as they well delerv'd , now high advanc'd , so well it has unto those neuters chanc'd ; who with such solemn ceremonial state in funeral robes on bradshaw's corps did wait : and as they drol'd in mournful habits thither , it had been well they had been earth'd together . small coal , small coal . — still , still that croaking cry ; i 've stopp'd up all my hearths ; no coals will i. i will not salamander-like desire to make mine habitation in the fire : these age-benummed joynts i 'll never warm e're i pay more for chimneys then my farm. though hoary winter now draw near at hand i 'll shew such due obedience to command ; with damocles i 'd rather chuse to starve than lessen his revenues whom i serve ; yet let the state excuse me , for blind hugh my mason clos'd my hearth before i knew . maduesse hath made me senselesse of all shame , within this fortnight i from ped'am came ; where i my crack-brain'd amours did express as woers should ; tom to his lucky bese . and this contents me , though mad boyes we be , i 've found a court grown madder far than we . my brain is madling ; i am now for court for no suit-quest , i am not monied for 't ; but to observe their posture ; for we hear what strange-divining meteors rusle there . state-criticks now our sprucer sprigs be grown , ready to brush all garments but their own ; those must be lightly touch'd , for they alledge their acts pretend a native priviledge : sphear'd above censure is their regiment , apish or modish it is sufficient so it be forraign , be it ne're so gay nor garish-gaudy , 〈…〉 will find a way to gain admirers : and with speed prepare new fashion-mongers for a stranger aire : our countrey artists be such homely creatures as they mis-shape the beauty of their features . so it bear th' title of outlandish work , 't will give content though moulded by a turk . there 's nought exact done by an english hand , no dresse complete but from an other land. so is the world might think we stare a quarrel both with our plunder'd language and apparrel . thus begger we our own ; not care we much so we content our selves ▪ our humour's such . here may you see a light py● colour'd jack . wear a whole lordship on his crazy back ; which his extorting ancestor convey'd to him , who for his death entirely pray'd that he might pawn his aores ; and ingage . his state to dawb his lackey and his page : resembsing those to life who nostle here learning first to get clothes , then how to wear , ( to th' mercers ruine ) though a venial sin to cheat a book who meant to cozen him. turn over leaf by loaf i th' drapers book , you 'l find his long own scores as light as smoak . yet is he out of debt i dare well say , for he is said to own who means to pay . but being at last stake what shall he do ? he has no brains i th' world to five unto : the only way then to evade this shelf is to serve one no wiser than himself , some laptand lord , who having got no heirs , makes his thoughts strangers to all thriving cares . now what supplies accommodate the youth of these profusive sparks , whose fruitlesse growth has spent it self to atoms ? they must look to be collectors of our chimney smoak , and by their mis-accounting profit bring gain to themselves in cheating of the king. a bold adventure , yet an usual guize as may appear by farmers o th' excize ; which in one instance i shall clearly shew , though not recorded yet approved true : th' event so just it highly pleased me not in the act but the catastrophe . a stirring member of the parliament stor'd richly with all blessings save content , became excifeman ; but before he found the profit on 't , his patent fell to ground . i wish all patentees may have sike hap , who draine revenues from the ale-wifes tap. o brave design ! struck on a fatal shelf , by his own vote th' exciseman splits himself but how has this exciseman born himself ! how has this timing bird beray'd his nest ! how has he run his pinnace on a shelf ! how has he ruin'd those deserved best ! split th' cavalry of their just interest ! was not this act a crime beyond compare i will not judge , but leave it to the chaire ! but these ambitious thoughts we have at court make hopes of honour ramble in this sort . these from their countrey have such glory gain'd by ringing backward they are entertain'd . this is my maxim : they 're not caesar's friends who mould their votes and acts for private ends. all such as lov'd their prince have under 〈…〉 ood that they did neither king nor subject good . those to their soveraign ever prove unjust who 'twixt him and his people breed distrust . and such , my liege , or else we hear a fable , receive admittance daily to your table , who to inlarge the bounds of their estate will hackney honour out at any rate . these be court-butterflies , who make a show just as our lordships chimneys use to do in cheating beggars , making their repaire but find no warmth nor crum of comfort there . discretion will not measure true desert by apish postures or outlandish art. he only merits the esteem of greaetnesse who suits his dresse without affected neatnesse . your highness sways three scepters independing from elders numberless by line descending ; let no act derogate from that descent through hostile force or subjects discontent . clear that augean stable ; let no stain darken the splendor of our charlemain , nor his court-gate : may th' ladies of this time be aemulators of our katharine late come , long wish'd : whose princely same shall be a living annal to posteritie . to whose pure judgement , then which none more strong being stranger to the world and so young nought can detract more from a knowing nation then making a meer idol of a fashion ; or in resemblance unto * isis asse to sacrifice the morning to their glasse : such atoms of lost honour she esteems for wandring fancies or phanatick dreams : this royal pattern may , no doubt , re-gain our albyon halcyon days and saturns - raign . the world's new-moulded : — she who t'other day could chant and chirp like any bird in may stor'd with caresses of the choicest lort that art could purchase from a forreign court , limn'd so by natures pencil , as no part but gave a wound , where e'r it found an heart . a fortresse and main-castle of defence secur'd from all assailants saving sence . — but she 's a convert and a mirrour now both in her carriage and profession too ; divorc'd from strange embraces : as my pen may justly style her englands magdalen . wherein she 's to be held of more esteem in being fam'd a convert of the queen . and from relapse that she secur'd might be , she wisely daigns to keep her companie ▪ but forasmuch as noisome weeds are found in no soil more than in our holy ground ; and darknesse sometimes takes the robe of light , so as all is not clear that seemeth white ; admonish those lawn sleeves they grow not proud but seasonably communicate pure food to their deputed flock : your grace has carv'd large parts for them , let not their sheep be starv'd for want of nour shment : i 'd have them too not only stand like beacons for a show ; their church-revenues as they be not small , 't were fit for th' poor they built an hospitall ; which almes-work so long as they delay , let their revenues for our chimneys pay . at least , for tenths as they precisely stand for each tenth chimney let them pay through th' land their leases to that vast advantage rise they may increase their pride and avarice . the poor should be their children during life , a diocesan care their married wife . this would imbellish miters and inlarge their past●ral pains to edifie their charge . for th' presbyter , because there cannot be an unity 'twixt him and monarchie , for if th' oue rise , the other needs must fall , left of those sectists be there none at all , silence is not sufficient : such division requires strict exile for the best physician . their plots are all phlebotomy , but yours by mild indulgence tender easier cures . no more ; vouchsafe upon our suit to look , our hearths want fires ; and where 's no fire , no smoak . the court-currier . our country was of late with blood imbrew'd , and in this age as viciously indew'd , impoison'd with base ingratitude , where th' hydra-headed slavish multitude admires those only who have so much sence , as beg a place with srontlesse impudence : and by their activ'st pavourite , ready pence , and without merit seels for recompence . these be the th●iving boyes , who at this day are tane into the p 〈…〉 while others stay . the honest cavalier . many have here high hopes , but they expire before they mount to th' height of their desire . they 're only wise that have the least to do fixing on flim from whom all graces slow . nothing so sirm that may affiance give . let us only love where we may ever live . so shall our hopes be crown'd , and saints receive us into those courtly joyes shall * never leaves us . some find the way who after learn to stray . the end tries all , the evening crowns the day . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e who chang'd his name for a sum of money conditionally paid him by his fellow chimney-sweepers . * late'y createa keeper of the fower-records ; but his fanatick brain and fantastick pea have run such division , as they will unstrip him of that imployment . a fashion to our nation unknown though now disp●●s'd through city , country , town . sampsonis capilli sunt principis nervi ; qui pascivis amplexibus , impudicis amoribus debilitari solent , si non dirimi . proc. neither fruits of their owne planting , nor waters of their own draining , nor soil of their own improving . fortis amatorls fit palma , corone labotis , quo sponsus thalamum servat honore suum . mancin . pastoral office in the first place , because the highest prize : and purchas'd by renewal of leases at the lowest price . in they court of b 〈…〉 s ( as the apologua observes the elephaunt would not be admitted , because his knees were so unweldy , they would not bend , ☜ whose arguments , though strongly seconded , in a late debate were evinced , and those fiery s●par 〈…〉 t s deservingly silenced . mean while their conventicles and clandestine assemblies by their own ●riviledge frequently continued . ☞ witnesse those hubbuls raised in several parochial churches . ☜ an apish-modish vosture the only sweet courtly garb . ☞ a gallant retinue , to travel out the fagend of a prodigals fortune . a cool coal-cordial for a consumptive prodigal . hear this countrey peal , ye kni●h●s o th' shire and burgesses . ☞ a princesse in habit & diet unexemplarily temperate . * — speculum sibi fingit asellus flumine , quo speciem complicet ille suam . farn. ☞ ☜ we leave the injurious usage of one of these ( a formal fox , and advanc'd to oue of our highest places ) to the ingeuuous relation of mr. cressey , a modest deserving gentleman . such phlebotomists as practise wholly upon the basi●ica ven● for a state-cure are dangerous artists : and fitter far for jamaica than us . distinguish these by their cignizances . * 〈◊〉 deceive 〈◊〉 the priviledge of our saints in the business of perjury useful for grandjuries / by the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the priviledge of our saints in the business of perjury useful for grandjuries / by the author of hudibras. butler, samuel, - . sheet ( p.). printed for benj. tooke, london : . reproduction of original in huntington library. broadside. attributed to samuel butler. cf. nuc. in verse; extracts from hudibras. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng broadsides - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the priviledge of our saints in the business of perjury . useful for grand-juries . by the author of hudibras . that saints may claim a dispensation to swear and forswear on occasion , i doubt not but it will appear with pregnant light , the point is clear : oaths are but words , and words but wind , too feeble implements to bind . and saints whom oaths or vows oblige , know little of their priviledge : further , i mean , than carrying on some self-advantage of their own : for if the devil , to serve his turn , can tell truth , why the saints should scorn when it serves theirs , to swear and lye , i think there 's little reason why : else h' has a greater pow'r than they , which 't were impiety to say . w' are not commanded to forbear indefinitely , at all to swear , but to swear idly and in vain , without self-interest or gain . for breaking of an oath , and lying , is but a kind of self-denying ; a saint-like vertue , and from hence . some have broke oaths by providence : some , to the glory of the lord perjur'd themselves , and broke their word ; and this the constant rule and practice of all our late apostles acts is . was not the cause at first begun with perjury , and carried on ? was there an oath the godly took , but in due time and place they broke ? did not our worthies of the house , before they broke the peace , break vows ? for having freed us first from both th' allegiance and supremacy oath , did they not next compel the nation to take and break the protestation ? to take th' engagement and disclaim it , enforc'd by those who first did frame it ? did they not swear at first to fight for the kings safety and his right ? and after march'd to find him out , and charg'd him home with horse and foot ; and yet still had the confidence to swear it was in his defence . did they not swear to live and die with essex , and straight laid him by ? did they not swear to maintain law , in which that swearing made a flaw ? for protestant religion vow , which did that vowing disallow ? for priviledge of parliament , in which that swearing made a rent ? and since , of all the three not one was left in being , 't is well known . did they not swear in express words , to prop and back the house of lords ? and after turn'd out the whole houseful , of peers as dangerous and unuseful ? this tells us plainly what they thought , that oaths and swearing go for nought . and that by them th'were only meant to serve for an expedient . oaths were not purpos'd more than law , to keep the good and just in awe , but to confine the bad and sinful , like moral cattel in a pinfold . a saint's of th' heavenly realm a peer ; and as no peer is bound to swear , but on the gospel of his honor , of which he may dispose as owner ; it follows though the thing be forgery , and false , they affirm it is no perjury , but a meer ceremony , and a breach of nothing , but a form of speech , and goes for no more when 't is took , than meer saluting of the book . suppose the scriptures are of force , they 're but commissions of course , and saints have freedom to digress , and vary from 'em as they please , or mis-interpret them by privat instructions to all aims they drive at ; then why should we ourselves abridge , and curtail our own priviledge ? 't is the temptation of the devil that makes all humane actons evil : for saints may do the same things by the spirit in sincerity , which other men are tempted to , and at the devils instance do ; and yet the action be contrary , just as the saints and wicked vary . but as on land there is no beast , but in some fish at sea 's exprest , so in the wicked there 's no vice , of which the saints have not a spice ; and yet that thing that 's pious in the one , in th' other is a sin . is 't not ridiculous and non-sense a saint should be a slave to conscience ? that ought to be above such fancies as far , as above ordinances . the rabbins write , when any jew did make to god or man a vow , which afterwards he found untoward , and stubborn to be kept , or too hard , any three other jews o' th' nation might free him from the obligation ; and have not two ss — power to use a greater priviledge than three jews ? the court of conscience which in man , should be supreme and sovereign ; is 't fit should be subordinate to every petty court i' th' state , and have no power at all , nor shift to help it self at a dead lift ? why should not conscience have vacation , as well as other courts o' th' nation ? have equal power to adjourn , appoint appearance and return ? do not your juries give their verdict as if they felt the cause not heard it ? and as they please make matter of fact run all on one side as they 're packt . when each man swears to do his best to damn and perjure all the rest , and bids the devil take the hinmost , which at this race is like to win most . nature has made man's breast no windores to publish what he does within doors , nor what dark secrets there inhabit , unless his own rash folly blab it . if oaths can do a man no good , in his own business , why they shou'd in other matters do him hurt , i think there 's little reason for 't : he that imposes an oath makes it , not he that for convenience takes it : then how can any man be said to break an oath he never made ? these reasons may perhaps look odly to th' wicked , though they evince the godly for if we should defend the cause by the strict rule of gospel-laws , and only do what they call just , the cause would quickly fall to dust . this we among our selves may speak , but to the wicked or the weak we must be cautious to declare perfection truths , such as these are . london , printed for benj. tooke , . the geneva ballad. to the tune of . butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). b wing b a interim tract supplement guide c. .f. [ ] ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. b ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books; tract supplement ; a : [ ]) the geneva ballad. to the tune of . butler, samuel, - . sheet ([ ] p.). s.n., [london : ] attributed to samuel butler. verse: "of all the factions in the town ..." imprint from wing. this edition has a dark-colored-leafed floreated initial and a double floreated decoration separating the two columns. reproduction of original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng ballads, english -- th century. great britain -- religion -- th century -- poetry -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - john pas sampled and proofread - john pas text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the geneva ballad . to the tune of . of all the factions in the town , mov'd by french springs or flemish wheels , none treads religion upside down , or tears pretences out at heels , like splay-mouth with his brace of caps whose conscience might be scan'd perhaps by the dimensions of his chaps . he whom the sisters so adore , counting his actions all divine , who when the spirit hints , can roar , and if occasion serves can whine ; nay he can bellow , bray or bark . was ever sike a beuk-larn'd clerk , that speaks all lingua's of the ark. to draw in proselytes like bees , with pleasing twang he tones his prose , he gives his hand-kerchief a squeez , and draws john calvin through his nose . motive on motive he obtrudes , with slip-stocking similitudes , eight uses more , and so concludes . when monarchy began to bleed , and treason had a fine new name ; when thames was balderdash'd with tweed , and pulpits did like beacons flame ; when jeroboam's calves were rear'd , and laud was neither lov'd nor fear'd , this gospel-comet first appear'd . soon his unhallowed fingers strip'd his sov'reign liege of power and land , and having smote his master , slip'd his sword into his fellows hand . but he that wears his eyes may note , oftimes the butcher binds a goat , and leaves his boy to cut her throat . poor england felt his fury then out-weigh'd queen mary's many grains ; his very preaching slew more men , than bonner's faggots , stakes and chains . with dog-star zeal and lungs like boreas , he fought and taught ; and what 's notorious , destroy'd his lord to make him glorious . yet drew for king and parlement . as if the wind could stand north-south ; broke moses's law with blest intent , murther'd and then he wip'd his mouth . oblivion alters not his case , nor clemency nor acts of grace can blanch an aethiopian's face . ripe for rebellion he begins to rally up the saints in swarms , he bauls aloud , sirs , leave your sins , but whispers , boys , stand to your arms , thus he 's grown insolently rude , thinking his gods can't be subdu'd , money , i mean , and multitude . magistrates he regards no more than st. george or the kings of colen ; vowing he 'l not conform before the old-wives wind their dead in woollen . he calls the bishop , grey-beard goff , and makes his power as mere a scoff , as dagon , when his hands were off . hark! how he opens with full cry ! halloo my hearts , beware of rome . cowards that are afraid to die thus make domestick broils at home . how quietly great charles might reign , would all these hot-spurs cross the main , and preach down popery in spain . the starry rule of heaven is fixt , there 's no dissension in the sky : and can there be a mean betwixt confusion and conformity ? a place divided never thrives : 't is bad where hornets dwell in hives , but worse where children play with knives . i would as soon turn back to mass , or change my phrase to thee and thou ; let the pope ride me like an ass , and his priests milk me like a cow : as buckle to smectymnuan laws , the bad effects o' th' good old cause , that have dove's plumes , but vultur's clawes . for 't was the haly kirk that nurs'd the brownists and the ranters crew ; foul errors motly vesture first was oaded in a northern blue . and what 's th' enthusiastick breed , or men of knipperdoling's creed , but cov'nanters run up to seed ? yet they all cry , they love the king , and make boast of their innocence : there cannot be so vile a thing , but may be colour'd with pretence . yet when all 's said , one thing i 'll swear , no subject like th' old cavalier , no traitor like jack — to the memory of the most renowned du-vall a pindarick ode / by the author of hudibras ; where it is to be had, the memories of monsieur du-vall, containing the history of his life and death ; with his last speech and epitaph. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) to the memory of the most renowned du-vall a pindarick ode / by the author of hudibras ; where it is to be had, the memories of monsieur du-vall, containing the history of his life and death ; with his last speech and epitaph. butler, samuel, - . [ ], p. printed for h. brome ..., london : . reproduction of original in huntington library. attributed to samuel butler. cf. nuc. sometimes confused with with walter pope's "the memories of monsieur du-vall" (cf. wood). a satire. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng duval, claude, - . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (oxford) sampled and proofread - judith siefring text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion to the memory of the most renowned du-vall : a pindarick ode . by the author of hudibras . london : printed for h. brome , at the gun in st. paul's church-yard , at the west-end . . where is to be had , the memoires of monsieur du-vall ; containing the history of his life and death : with his last speech and epitaph . to the memory of the most renowned du-vall : a pindarick ode . i. 't is true , to complement the dead , is as impertinent and vain as 't was of old to call them back again ; or like the tartars give them wives , with setlement for after-lives . for all that can be done , or said , though e're so noble , great , and good , by them is neither heard nor understood . all our fine sleights and tricks of art , first to create , and then adore desert ; and those romances which we frame , to raise our selves , not them a name ; in vain are stuft with ranting flatteries , and such as if they knevv they vvould despise . for as those times the golden age vve call , in vvhich there vvas no gold at all : so vve plant glory and renovvn , where it vvas ne're deserv'd nor knovvn ; but to vvorse purpose many times to flourish o're nefarious crimes ; and cheat the vvorld that never seems to mind hovv good or bad men dye , but vvhat they leave behind . ii. and yet the brave du-vall , vvhose name can never be vvorn out by fame , that liv'd and dy'd , to leave behind a great example to mankind ; that fell a publick sacrifice from ruine to preserve those fevv , who though born false , may be made true ; and teach the vvorld to be more just and vvise ; ought not like vulgar ashes rest unmention'd in his silent chest ; not for his ovvn but publick interest . he like a pious man some years before th' arrival of his fatal hour , made every day he had to live , to his last minute a preparative . taught the vvild arabs on the road to act in a more gentle mode ; take prizes more obligingly , than those who never had been bred filous : and hovv to hang in a more graceful fashion than e're vvas knovvn before to the dull english nation . iii. in france the staple of nevv modes where garbs and meenes are currant goods , that serves the ruder northern nations , with methods of address and treat , prescribes nevv garnitures and fashions ; and hovv to drink , and hovv to eat , no out-of-fashion'd wine or meat ; to understand cravats and plumes , and the most modish from the old perfumes ; to knovv the age and pedigrees of points of flanders , or venice : cast their nativities , and to a day , foretel hovv long they 'l hold , and vvhen decay . t' affect the purest negligences , in gestures , gates , and meenes , and speak by repartee-rotins , out of the most authentick of romances : and to demonstrate vvith substantial reason , what ribbands all the year are in or out of season . iv. in this great academy of mankind he had his birth and education , where all men are s'ingeniously enclin'd they understand by imitation ; improve untaught before they are avvare , as if they suckt their breeding from the air. that naturally does dispence to all a deep and solid confidence : a virtue of that precious use , that he vvhom bounteous heaven endues but vvith a moderate share of it , can vvant no worth , abilities , or wit. in all the deep hermetick arts , ( for so of late the learned call all tricks if strange and mystical ) he had improv'd his natural parts ; and vvith his magick rod could sound , where hidden treasure may be found . he like a lord o' th' mannor seiz'd upon whatever happened in his vvay , as lavvful weft and stray : and after by the custom kept it as his ovvn . v. from the first rudiments he grevv to noble feats , and try'd his force , upon vvhole troops of foot and horse , whom he as bravely did subdue : declar'd all caravans that go , upon the kings high-vvay the foe : made many desperate attaques upon itinerant brigades of all professions , rancks , and trades ; on carriers loads , and pedlars packs : made them lay dovvn their arms and yield ; and to the smallest piece restore all that by cheating they had gain'd before ; and after plunder'd all the baggage of the field . in every bold affair of war , he had the chief command and led them on : for no man is judg'd fit to have the care of others lives , until h' has made it knovvn , hovv much he doth despise and scorn his ovvn . vi. whole provinces ' tvvixt sun and sun have by his conquering svvord been vvon ; and mighty sums of money laid for ransom upon every man ; and hostages deliver'd till ' t vvas paid . the excise and chimney-publican , the jevv-forestaller and inhancer , to him for all their crimes did ansvver : he vanquish'd the most fierce , and fell of all his foes , the constable ; that oft had beat his quarters up , and routed him and all his troop . he took the dreadful lawyers fees , that in his ovvn allovv'd high-vvay does feats of arms as great as his : and vvhen th' encounter in it vvin the day , safe in his garrison the court , where meaner criminals are sentenc'd for 't : to this stern foe he oft gave quarter , but as the scotch-man did to a tartar , that he in time to come might in return from him receive his fatal doom . vii . he would have starv'd this mighty tovvn , and brought its haughty spirit dovvn ; have cut it off from all relief , and like a vvise and valiant thief , made many a fierce assault upon all ammunition carts ; and those that bring up cheese and mault , or bacon from remoter parts : no convoy e're so strong vvith food , durst venture on the desperate road ; he made the undaunted waggoners obey , and the fierce higlers contribution pay : the savage butcher , and stout drover , durst not to him their feeble troops discover . and if he had but kept the field , in time had made the city yield ; for great tovvns ( like to crocadiles ) are found i' th' belly aptest to receive a vvound . viii . but vvhen the fatal hour arriv'd , in vvhich his stars began to frovvn , and had in close cabals contriv'd to pull him from his height of glory dovvn ; and he by numerous foes opprest , was in the inchanted dungeon cast ; secur'd vvith mighty guards , lest he by force or stratagem might prove too cunning for their chains and them , and break through all their locks , and bolts , and wards ; had both his legs by charms committed to one anothers charge ; that neither might be set at large , and all their fury and revenge out-vvitted . as jevvels of high value are kept under lock vvith greater care , then those of meaner rates : so he was in stone-walls , and ponderous chains , and iron grates , ix . thither came ladies from all parts , to offer up close prisoners hearts ; which he received as tribute due , and made them yield up love and honour too : but in ●ore brave heroick ways than e're were practis'd yet in plays ; for those tvvo spightful foes , vvho never meet but full of hot contests and piques about punctilio's and meer tricks ; did all their quarrels to his doom submit and far more generous and free , in contemplation only of him agree , both fully satisfied : the one with those fresh laurels he had vvon , and all the brave renovvned feats he had perform'd in arms ; the other vvith his person and his charms : for just as larks are catch'd in nets , by gazing on a piece of glass ; so vvhile the ladies vievv'd his brighter eyes and smoother polish'd face , their gentle hearts , alas , vvere taken by surprize . x. never did bold knight to relieve distressed dames , such dreadful feats atchieve , as feeble damsels for his sake , wou'd have been proud to undertake , and bravely ambitious to redeem the vvorlds loss and their ovvn , strove vvho should have the honour to lay dovvn and change a life vvith him . but finding all their hopes in vain , to move his fixt determin'd fate they life it self began to hate ; and all the vvorld besides disdain made loud appeals and moans to less hard-hearted grates and stones ; came svvell'd in sighs and drovvn'd in tears , to yield themselves his fellovv-sufferers : and follovv'd him like prisoners of war chain'd to the lofty wheels of his triumphant carr. finis . the london almanack, or, a compendium of the year referred particularly to the meridian of the most famous city of london : together with some antiquities relating to that ancient and honourable corporation, not commonly known to the worthy inhabitants thereof / by mercurius civicus. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the london almanack, or, a compendium of the year referred particularly to the meridian of the most famous city of london : together with some antiquities relating to that ancient and honourable corporation, not commonly known to the worthy inhabitants thereof / by mercurius civicus. butler, samuel, - . [ ] p. : ill. printed by thomas ratcliffe and nathaniel thompson, for the company of stationers, london : . second part (p. [ - ]) has special t.p.: the london almanack, . reproduction of original in the bodleian library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and 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in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng almanacs, english. ephemerides. astrology -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (michigan) sampled and proofread - olivia bottum text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the london almanack or , a compendium of the year , . referred particularly to the meridian of the most famous city of london : together with some antiquities relating to that ancient and honorable corporation , not commonly known to the worthy inhabitants thereof . by mercurius ciuicus . inter nobiles urbes orbis , quas fama celebrat , civitas londinia , regni anglorum sedes una est , quae famam sui latius diffundit , opes & merces longius transmittit , caput altius extollit . stephanid . descript. lond. london , printed by thomas ratclif : and nathaniel thompson , for the company of stationers . . to the truly honourable sir richard ford , late lord mayor of the city of london . sir , good magistrates are gods choicest jewels , and can never be valued at to●… great a rate by good citizens : such persons ever set a lustre upon that government they dispense , and are an honour to the great exemplars thereof , which they ever represent . but , you ( great sir ) as born to so worthy a purpose , ( in your year of power and temptation , ) have held the scales of this great city even , and that in a disturbed time too ; and when the multitude were set a madding , and in a posture of acting things against government , you kept them steddy , performing that by your wisdome , which men un●…kil'd in the art of ruling , could not do by force . to●… have at once shewn your self loyal to your soveraign , and loving to his subjects . — and therefore it is , that the london almanack courts the patronage of you that have been londons lord mayor , rendring you the humble and dutiful thanks 〈◊〉 a faithful citizen ; whose stars , i hov●… 〈◊〉 ●…ove of so benigne influence , as to procure your generous acceptance of this mean trifle . may your self , great sir , and honour'd family be ever happy , and may this honourable city be ever blessed in the choise of so prudent and succesful a governour . is the hearty prayer of honoured sir , your most humble servant civicus . vulgar notes of the year . . in both accounts . viz. julian , or english. gregorian , o●… roman . the golden numbe circle of the sun e dominical letter a roman indiction aepact . number of direction january septuagesima january february quadragesima februa●… february ash-wednesday february march easter-sunday apr●… may rogation sunday may may holy thursday may may white sunday may may trinity-sunday may november advent-sunday december a table readily expressing the interest of any sum of money from l. to l. at the rate of l. per centum . month month month month month month l. s. d. l. s. d. l. s. d. l. s. d. l. s. d. l. s. d. ●… ●… ●… . ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… ●… a table of kings from the time that england was first a kingdom , until this year , . kings names . reign reign a. c. reign'd kings names reign began a , c. reign'd k. egbert king john ethelwolfe henry ethelbald edward ethelbert edward ethelfred edward alfred richard edward . sax. athelston line of lancaster . edmond . henry edred henry ●… edwyn henry edgar line of york . edward sax. edward ethelred edward edmond . richard danish-line :     families united . canutus henry harold henry canutus edward edward confessor qu●…n mary harold queen elizabeth norman line .     kingdoms united . william conqueror king james william rufus king charles henry king charles k. stephen saxon line restored .     vivat , vigeat , henry vincat . richard terms , and their returns for the year of our lord. . return ' days , or days of essoyn . days of excepti . returna brevium days of ap pearance . ●…illary t●…rm begins january . ends febru●…ry . octab , hillarii , january jan. jan. jan. quind , hillarii , january jan. jan. jan. crast , pu●…if , february feb. feb. feb. octab. purif . february feb. feb. feb. easter term begins april . ends may . quind , paschae , april april april april tres paschae , april april april april mens . paschae , april april april april quin●… paschae , may may may may crast. ascent . may may may may trinity term begins may . ends june . crast. trinitatis , may may may may octab. trinitatis , june june june june quind . trinitatis , june june june june tres trinitatis , june june june june michaelmas term begins octo●…er . ends november tres michaelis , octob. octob. octob octo. mens : michaelis , octob. octob. octob. octo. crast. ammir●… , nov. nov. nov. nov crast. m●…rtini , nov. nov. nov. nov. octab. martini , nov. nov. nov. nov. quind . martini , nov. nov. nov. nov. january hath xxxi . days . month dayes , 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 day●… . the ninth day mercury is with the moo . the tenth day venus is with the moo . the twelth day s●…rn is with the moo . the fifteenth day mars is with the moo . the twenty six day jupiter is with the moo . saints days , the s●…gns fu s●… lon. b. h , m plane 〈◊〉 h 〈◊〉 . planets aspect and we●…ther . a new year . s●…ets , b oct. steven . the year begins w●…h mild and g●…ntle ☽ 〈◊〉 . c thighs , d croniacu●… . e simeon , f ep●…phania . knoes , * ☉ ♄ . air. now cloudy sky , and ☽ . likely to rain . g ced . b lond. a ☉ in aquary . leggs , b adrian . c paul hermit d feet , bustling wind●… about this ☉ ☿ time , and those doing harme . e 〈◊〉 . epiph. f hillary . head , g mauritius . a neck , b m●…cellus . ☽ per●…gaeon . pleasant air again , with a likely * ♄ ☿ . hood fo frost . c d cath. pe●…ri . armes , e . p. epiph. f fab. & s b. breast , g a vincent . heart , △ ♃ ☉ . and curlous bright weather at the end . b term begins . c timothy . bowels d conv. s. paul e . p. trin. reins , f g agnes app. secrets 〈◊〉 b k. ch. mart. thighs ●… c adaman . pr. january , . roman account . 〈◊〉 acou●… . new moon the day , at ●…n the morning . first q●…ter the day , at evening . full moon the day , about noon . last quarter the day , at afternoon . observa●…ions . . ☉ a ●… the benigne planet jupiter , is stationary all this month , neer that glorious star spica virg●…nis , in trine to the horoscope of the honourable city of london ; and is of excellent advantage to that great place , and the worthy inhabitants thereof . and when the sun meets his trine ; which will be on the twenty sixth day , some eminent citizens meet deserved honour . ●… ☉ a ☉ a feb. ☉ a february hath xxviii . days . month dayes , week dayes , the ninth day saturn , is with the moon . the tenth day venus , is with the moon . the twelfth day mars , is with the moon . the twenty third day jupiter , is with the moon . saints dayes , the signe ful. sea lon bri . h. m. plan. hour h. m. plan. aspects and weather . 〈◊〉 ignat●…us . thighs , ♂ ♄ ♀ cold ☽ apogaeon * ♄ ☿ . ●…ther as if some s●…ow were ☽ threatned . windy and variable . pleasant a i●… , with a b●…tem . of cold . ♃ ♀ . e candle-mass knees , f blaze . ep. g leggs , a agatha . b dorothea . c ☉ in pisces . feet . d edelflede . e quinquages . head , f scholastica . g s●…-tuesd . a term ends : neck , ●… b c valentines . arms , ☽ perig●…n , flying cloud . △ ♃ ☿ . and brisk ☽ winds ●…iring . winds increased , ♂ ☿ . doing harm at sea. frosty air now , yet windy . d e quadrages . breast , f finan . b. g heart , a e●…ber week . b mildred . belly . c d cath. pet. reins , e . sun. lent. f s. ma●…hias . secrets , ●… g invent. pauli a b serulph . thighs , c o. wald . february . . roman account . english account . new moon the day , at in the evening . first quarter the day , at in the morning . full moon the ●…ay , at in the morning . last quarter the day , at before noon . observations . ☉ a the trine of jupiter and mercury on the day of this month , is of eminent advantage to the noble merchants of this city . ☉ a but the quadrate of mars and mercury on the d . day , brings news of losses to many adventurers by sea ; and possibly discovers some notorious frauds at land , and brings clippers and coyners to light . ☉ a marc. ☉ a march hath xxxi . days month days . week days . the sixth day mercury , is with the moon . the eighth day saturn , is with the moon . the eleventh day venus , is with the moon . the twelfth day mars , is with the moon . the twen y second saints days . the sign , full sea lo. br . plan. hour planets . aspects and weather . h. m. h. m. d david . knees , somewh , close e sund. lent. ☽ apogaeon . f lucius . and wsndy g leggs , weather , but a eusebius . ☽ . not b fredolin . feet , very cold . c the air now d dep. faelix . ●… inclin'd to e sund. lent. head , be frosty●… f agapitus . * ☉ ♂ . g ☉ in aries . neck , and very a gregory healthful . ●… b w●…gan . arms , now cloudy , c misty , or rainy d longinus . breast , dark ☉ ♄ . e sund. lent. ☽ penge . air , f patrick . h●…art , * ♄ ♂ possibly ●… ☽ . some a joseph . belly , snow . b cuthbert . very high and c * ♄ ☿ . boistrous d aphrodosia . reins , ☉ ♃ . e palm-sund . * ♂ ♀ . winds f agapitus . secrets , doing great g lady-day . ♃ ☿ . harm a thighs , ☉ ☿ . b archibald . both at sea ●… good-friday . ♂ ♃ . d faelix . knees , ☽ a●…gaeon . e easter-sund . and land. ●… f adelin . b. march , . month dayee , week dayes , new moon the day , at afternoon . first quarter the day , at afternoon . full moon the day , just at noon . last quarter the day , at in the morning . observation . ☉ a the conjunction of the sun and saturn the day bodes ill weather . ☉ a the conjunction of saturn and mercury , and opposition of jupiter and mercury , portends losses to merchants , and oontradictions among men in authority . and may also denote the fading of an eminent citizen . ☉ a april ☉ a april hath xxx . days . month dayes , week dayes , the fifth day , saturn , is with the moon . the tenth day , venus , is with the moon . the seaventh day , mercury , is with the moon . the tenth day , mars , is with the moon . the eighteenth day , saints dayes . the signe full sea lon br. plan. hour planets aspects and weather . h. m. h. m g con. m. magd. leggs , * ♄ ♀ . windy ☽ . & moist air begins ♃ ♀ . a francis. b feet , c g●…ire . d martian . head , the month . e low sunday . ●… neck , curious hope a ful springing weather . g albinus . a frithstan . armes , b ☉ in taurus . ●… breast , ●…loudy now , ☽ perigaeon : and a 〈◊〉 variable . ☽ . d apollin . ●… miser . dom. ●… 〈◊〉 . h●…rt , ●… a term begins belly , b anicetus . rainy-like toward the full moon . c reins , d alph●…ge , e jubilate , secrets f auselm . ♄ ♃ . dry winds now are stirring . g thighs a s. george b melitus . ♂ ♀ . a moist and windy air ☽ apogaeon neer the end ♃ ☿ . of the month . c s. mark eva. knees , d cletus . e cantate . leggs , f vitalis . g a katherine . feet , april , . english account romani account new moon the day , at in the morning , first quarter the day , at in the evening , full moon the day , at in the morning . last quart. the ●… day , at in the morning . observations . ☉ a if gemini be great londons 〈◊〉 . mars now passing through that sign , creates some petty commotions about priviledges , or proprieties ; i hope all matte●… relating to to the late dreadful conflagration , anno. . between landlord and tenant are er'e this time quieted . ☉ a the trine of jupiter and mercury toward the latter end of the month , bring happy news to many despairing merchants . ships now arrive from severall parts . ☉ a may. ☉ a ●… may hath xxxi . days . month dayes , week 〈◊〉 , the third day , saturn is with the moon . the seventh day , mercury is with the moon . the ninth day , mars is with the moon . the ninth day , venus is with the moon . the fifteenth day , jupiter is with the moon . ●…aints 〈◊〉 , the sign●… full sea 〈◊〉 br. h. m plan. hour . h. m. pixn●… aspects and weather . b s. ph. & jacob feet , the air warm , c athan●…sias , head , yet seasonable d e rogation . h●…c increases f gerhard . neck , 〈◊〉 if we sh●…uld g ●… ♃ ♀ . have a 〈◊〉 beverly . arms , ●… some t●…under b holy-thursd . ●… 〈◊〉 ♃ ♂ . c ☉ in gemini , breast , in these days . d gordia , &c. ●… e 〈◊〉 heart , ●… ☽ perigeon . f term ends , ☽ ♃ ☿ . g b●…lly , ♄ ♀ . a boniface , ●… b sophia , reins , hail or rain c ●… about this d ●…r . bernherd , s●…crets ●… ♄ ♂ . e penticost , ☉ ☿ , 〈◊〉 ●… g e●…lbert , 〈◊〉 , very curious a hellen. emb. ♃ ☉ . air b week knees , again . c d urban . ♂ ♀ . ●…vercast e triniry sunday leggs , ☽ apogeon . f austin , ●… ☉ ♄ . 〈◊〉 g feet , 〈◊〉 , ●…tith a jonas abbot , ☽ . great b k. ch. . nat. winds toward c term begins , head , the end of d 〈◊〉 , the month. may . english account . roman account . new moon , the day , about noon . first 〈◊〉 the day , at morning . full moon , the day , at afternoon . last quarte the day , at evening . observations . god grant the squares of mars , to saturn and jupiter prove the prodromi of no unhappiness by fire ; they threaten distempers to rage in the head the breast , and reines , whence many make addition to the weekly bills of mortality , unless god otherwise dispose of their influences . ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ a ☉ a jun june in the roman account , 〈◊〉 a ●… june hath xxx days . moneths days . weeks days . the third day mercury is with the moon . the fi●… day venus is with the moon . the sixth day mars is with the moon . the eleventh day jupiter is with the moon . the twenty seven day saturn is with the moon . the saints days , &c. the signs . pull sea lond. b h. m. planetary h. h. m. planets aspects and weather . ●… 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 neck pleasant and f marcellini . neck salubrious g arms air , with ●… petrocius . arms gentle winds b boniface . breast ●… ☽ perigeon ●… breast about this d paulus . heart ☽ . e 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 heart ●…ime f f●…licianus . belly ♄ ♀ overcast g ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . belly ♃ ☿ for a s. 〈◊〉 reins rain b basilides . reins hot weather c anthony . reins but happily d secrets ♄ ☿ e 〈◊〉 tri●… secrets allayed with wind●… f richard. thighs ☽ apogeon g thighs ♃ ♀ ☉ ♀ a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . knees ♃ ☉ cloudy b gervasius . knees moist weather , ●… c knees ☽ d walburge . legs attended with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 legs great winds f paulinus . legs and rain . g 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 feet ♄ ☉ a amphibalus . feet ♃ ♂ b head ♀ ☿ c head toward the d leo papa . neck end . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 neck f commem . pa. neck june . english account . roman account . 〈◊〉 moon , the day , at in the evening first 〈◊〉 , the day , at before noon . full moon the day , at morning . last quarter , the day , at morning . observations . ☉ a ●… generally a favourable moneth to london , and to all her sons , citizens and magistrates ; they make sundry new advantages , laws or orders among them , or else alter old ones to their advantage , and reputation . mercury is now in gemini , and bodes much gain to the city advocates . ☉ a ☉ a 〈◊〉 july in the roman account . ☉ a ☉ a july hath xxxi days . moneths days . weeks days . the second day venus , is with the moon . the third day mercury , is with the moon . the fifth day mars , is with the moon . the ninth day jupiter , is with the moon . the twenty-fourth day saturn , is with the moon . saints days , &c. the sign . full sea lond. b h. m. planetary h. h. m. planets aspects and weather . g romwald bre●…t ♃ ☿ a blust●…ing a martinian brest windy mois●… b arms ♄ ☿ . air c arms ●… ☽ pe●…igeon . 〈◊〉 zoa . virg. heart ☽ and that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 trin. heart oftentimes f apollinaris belly ♄ ♂ enforced 〈◊〉 belly all the former a edilburg q. reins ☉ ☿ b sept. frate . reins part of the c ☉ in leo secrets moneth . d nabor & felix secrets 〈◊〉 p. trin. thighs hot air , with 〈◊〉 bonavent thighs a pleasant bright g thighs ♃ ☿ . sky . a osmond . b. knees b knees heat abated c simpho●…osa egs ♄ ☿ d dog day●… beg●… legs ☽ apogeon 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . legs ☽ f praxeda feet great winds g feet again about ●… a head ♂ ☿ ●… b christina head these days . c s. ●…ames head 〈◊〉 hot air d anna neck ☉ ♃ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . t●…in . ●…eck again , and f arms ☉ ♄ g ma●…tha arms like to thunder . f abdon brest ♀ ☿ brest 〈◊〉 ☽ perigeon . july . 〈◊〉 account . roman account . new moon the day , at a morning . first 〈◊〉 the day , at in the evening . full moon , the day , at in the evening last ●…uarter the day , at in the evening . observations . upon saturn his turning retrograde , some grave citizen , meets death , or else some unexpected catastrophe in fortune and honour . upon the several kind rays with mercury tradeing rises generally , and the merchant and retailer both thrive in most commodities . onely i fear a fall in the price of coals . ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 au august in the roman ●…ccount . ☉ 〈◊〉 august hath xxxi days . moneths days . weeks days . the second day mars is with the moon . the third day mercury is with the moon . the twentieth day saturn is with the moon . the twenty eighth day venus is with the moon . saints days , &c. the signs . full sea lond. b h. m. planetary h h. m. planets aspects and weather . c lammas . heart very hot and paro●…ing air at the beginning of the moneth d heart 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . belly 〈◊〉 f dominick . belly g reins a sextus . reins 〈◊〉 ♄ ♃ b donatu●… . secret 〈◊〉 c secret with a likel●…hood of some li●…htning and thunder . d julian . secret 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . thighs f gilbert . thighs g ☉ in vir●… . knees ♄ ♀ over●…st ♃ ♀ for rain , ☽ apogaeon . about this time , ☽ with brisk winds allaying the hea●… , a hypolitus . knees b eusebius . knees c legs d rochus . legs 〈◊〉 p. tri●… . feet f helena . feet g feet a head b richard. head very curious harvest weather to the end , with gentle pleasant c timothy . neck d neck 〈◊〉 s. 〈◊〉 . arms f lewis , k. c. arms g brest a dog days 〈◊〉 brest ☽ perigaeon . ☽ b augustin . heart c heart 〈◊〉 d ●…elix . b●…lly winds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . trin. belly augu●… . english account . roman account . 〈◊〉 moon , the day , at morning . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the day , at morning . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , the day , at beforenoon . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , the day , at morning . observations sol eclipsed this new moon , but not to be seen by us , though he be above the earth at the deliquium . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the opposition of saturn and jupiter on the sixth day of this moneth , doth not concern london , so much as it doth england in general . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 yet the sun transiting the latter part of leo , would do damage by fire , thunder and lightnings , &c. did not the kind transit of jupiter in libra contradict it . mercury in virgo brings happiness to her merchants in earnest ; and makes our city dames fruitful . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 se●… september in the roman 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 september hath xxx days . moneth days . weeks days . the second day mercury , is with the moon . the second day jupiter , is with the moon . the sixteenth day saturn , is with the moon . the twenty-six day 〈◊〉 , is with the moon . the twenty-eight day mercury , is with the moon . saints days , &c. the sign full sea lond. b planetary h. planets aspects and weather . h. m. h. m. f egidius belly pleasant winds 〈◊〉 adama reins at the 〈◊〉 , a reins but not very b victorin secrets sharp , rather c secrets inclining d eugenius thighs ☉ ♂ to moisture . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 thighs f nat. mary knees great heart , as if g knees ☿ ♀ . some thunder a nicholas knees ☽ apogeon . b hyacinthus legs ♄ ♀ . were c ☉ in libra legs 〈◊〉 ☽ threatned . d amantius feet 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . feet heat abated f feet very lofty . g euphemus head ☉ ☿ winds , a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 head with some b winock neck ♂ ☿ showers c neck neer this time . d eustacius 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. trin. arms s. 〈◊〉 . f 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ♃ ♀ sair weather . g brest a winibald 〈◊〉 ☉ ♄ . now 〈◊〉 b ceolfride heart ☽ winds and c heart 〈◊〉 rain , and d cosm. & dam 〈◊〉 ☽ 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. trin. 〈◊〉 f s. michael reins cold weather 〈◊〉 g 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 at the end . september . english account . roman account . new moon , the day , morning . first 〈◊〉 , the day , at at night . full moon , the day , at morning . last quarter , the day , at morning . new moon , the day , at morning . observations . still jupiter in libra is the city of 〈◊〉 friend ; nor is here any ill transit unto the noble citizens this whole moneth . 〈◊〉 onely , upon the opposition of saturn and the sun , there may be some opposition among the commonalty in electing their officers and magistrates for the ensuing year . ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☉ oct october in the roman account . ☉ 〈◊〉 october hath xxxi days . 〈◊〉 days . weeks days . the thriteenth day saturn , is with 〈◊〉 moon . the twenty-six day venus , is with 〈◊〉 moon . the twenty-eight day mars , is with 〈◊〉 moon . the twenty-eight day jupiter , is with 〈◊〉 moon . the twenty-nine day mercury , is with 〈◊〉 moon . saints days , &c. the sign . full sea lond. b planetary h. planets aspects and weather . h. m. h. m a 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 a turbulent b secrets ♄ ♂ violent c gerhard . thighs air , with 〈◊〉 franciscus . thighs winds and 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 rain , and a f bruno . knees cold cloudy g knees a 〈◊〉 . legs apogaeon . b dyonisius . legs ♄ ☿ 〈◊〉 c in scorpio . legs d nicasius . feet ☉ ♃ 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . feet 〈◊〉 somewhat pleasant f 〈◊〉 . edward . head again . g head ♂ ☿ . a 〈◊〉 . v. neck high and 〈◊〉 . b neck 〈◊〉 ous winds c audrey . neck 〈◊〉 with rain d s. 〈◊〉 evan. arms 〈◊〉 and cloudy air , 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . arms 〈◊〉 many days . f wendeline . brest g brest ♃ ☿ a cordula . 〈◊〉 b term begins . 〈◊〉 ☽ perigaeon . c belly 〈◊〉 gaudent . belly 〈◊〉 yet windy 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . eins and blustering f 〈◊〉 conf. reins weather , and g s. 〈◊〉 . & 〈◊〉 secrets a likelyhood of a secrets rain or snow . b aegelnoth . secrets ♄ ♀ . c foilan b. m. thighs october . english account . roman account . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the day , at afternoon . full moon , the day , at afternoon . last 〈◊〉 the day , at afternoon . new moon , the day , at afternoon . observations . many knavish people of a vasrons mercurial subtilty in london , doth the moneth of 〈◊〉 discover , as publishers of false news ; 〈◊〉 and coyners of moneys ; with sundry 〈◊〉 of knaveries . — these are truly to be feared upon , the opposition of saturn and mercury , 〈◊〉 a conjunction of mercury with mars . — — and , were it not for jupiters benevolent conjunction to mercury , i should be afraid that many worthy merchants would now suffer 〈◊〉 , not only by sea , but by persons breaking in their debts . 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 no november in the roman account . ☉ 〈◊〉 november hath xxx . days . mon●…hs days . weeks days . the tenth day saturn is with the moon . the twenty-fift day j●…piter , is with the moon . the twenty-fi●… day venus , is with the moon . the twenty-six day mars is with the moon . the twenty-nine day mercury is with the moon . saints days , &c. the sign . full sea lond. b planetary 〈◊〉 planets aspects and weather . h. m. h. m. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 all-s●… 〈◊〉 thighs wet and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 knees . windy 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 at the beginning 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ♂ ☉ ☿ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ♂ ♃ ♂ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☽ apogeon . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of the moneth . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 feet 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 feet 〈◊〉 good 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 weather the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 head season 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. m. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 kilian . b. neck 〈◊〉 winds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 arms 〈◊〉 ♄ ☿ to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 rise , and leem 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉 f thaumaturg . brest some rain . g heart a k. char nat 〈◊〉 ☽ b edmond . 〈◊〉 ☉ ♄ . c belly 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 reins ☽ rerigeon . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p. 〈◊〉 . reins ♂ ♃ ♀ . f chrysogon . reins curious warm 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 air , and gentle n 〈◊〉 winds . b ola virg. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 term ends thighs but at the latter b saturnine knees end winds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 andrew knees bringing rain . november , . english account . roman account . 〈◊〉 quateer the day , at afternoon . full moon , the day , at morning . last quarter , the day , at midnight . new moon , the day , at in the morning . observations . the superiour magistrate of this great city , moves with a pleasing moderation to the worthy citizens , upon his being first come to the execution of his office. ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the trine of the sun , saturn , and mercury gives him honour and esteem , and blesses his endeavours for the cities good . ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 dec 〈◊〉 in 〈◊〉 roman account . ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 december hath xxxi days . 〈◊〉 days . weeks 〈◊〉 . the seventh day saturn , is with the moon . the twenty-second day jupiter , is with the moon . the twenty-fourth day 〈◊〉 , is with the moon . the twenty-fifth day venus , is with the moon . the twenty-eighth day mercury , is with the moon . 〈◊〉 days , &c. the sign . full sea lond. b planetary h. planets aspects and weather . h. m. h. m. 〈◊〉 daniel . knees 〈◊〉 high and boistrous 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . legs winds with a legs ♄ ☿ . ☽ 〈◊〉 barbara . feet ♃ ☿ rain or c se et ☽ apogeon . d 〈◊〉 . seet 〈◊〉 adv. 〈◊〉 . head snow , begins 〈◊〉 concept . mary head ♂ ♂ ♀ g neck the moneth . a 〈◊〉 . neck b 〈◊〉 . arms fair and c 〈◊〉 in 〈◊〉 . arms pleasant , as 〈◊〉 lucia virg arms if inclined to 〈◊〉 adv. 〈◊〉 . brest be frosty neer 〈◊〉 brest these days . g lazarus . heart 〈◊〉 a ember week . heart 〈◊〉 ☽ perig , cum b winebald . belly ♄ ♀ dark c belly cloudy , and d julian . reins ♄ ☉ obscure 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 . reins air , with rain 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . secrets or snow . g secrets a adam & 〈◊〉 thighs ☉ ♃ . high 〈◊〉 b 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . thighs yet fair and c 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . thighs ♄ ♂ frosty to d 〈◊〉 john. knees the end , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 . knees the last day prove 〈◊〉 legs ☽ apogeon . g legs ♂ ☉ ☿ . 〈◊〉 . a silvester legs 〈◊〉 . english account . roman account . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the sixth day at noon . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , the day at at night . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the day , at before noon . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , the day , at 〈◊〉 morning . observations . although december be likely to prove a stormy moneth for the most part , in respect of the air , yet , in regard of matters relating to policy , merchandise , and government , it is ( by gods blessing ) likely to be of gentle and kind influence : and the honourable praetor , and magistrates , and commonalty of this glorious city , are like for to enjoy a happy and merry christmass . ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 ☉ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 account . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the dominion of the moon in mans body she passeth the zodiacal constellations . the characters of the planets , n●…des and aspects . ♄ saturn ☉ the sun. ♃ jupiter ☉ the sun. ♂ mars ☉ the sun. ♌ dragons head. ♀ venus ☉ the sun. ☿ mercury ☉ the sun. ☽ luna . ☉ the sun. dragons tayl. ☌ . conjunction is no aspect therefore impropetly called one . ⚹ . sextile is an aspect of degrees distance . . quadrate is an aspect of degrees distance . △ . trine is an aspect of degrees ●…istance . ☍ . opposition is an aspect of degrees distance . keepler defines an aspect thus , est angulusformatus a radiis luminosis binorum planeta●…m : apu●… te●…ram ●…fficax ad slimulandum naturam sublunarem . epit. 〈◊〉 . p. g. ●… the london almanack , . the second part. discovering some peices of antiquity , relating to that antient and honourable city , not commonly known unto the worthy inhabitants thereof : intended to be annually continued for the service of that great city . by mercurius civicus . london . printed by thomas milbourn , for the company of stationers , . a chronology of some memoriable things relating to the city of london . since the building of london . . julias caesar in england . . the birth of jesus christ. . the tower of london built . . clocks and dyals in churches . . the first lord mayor of london , . london burnt from aldgat●… to paule●… . . st. pauls church new built . . london-bridge new built . . london-bridge built of stone . . london-bridge burnt down . . henry pie●… a vintner , ●…easted four kings , &c. . ni●…e persons crowded to death on london-bridge . . the tower on london-bridge built . . william walworth slew wat tyler . . george duke of clarence was drowned in a butt of malmsey , in the tower. . pauls school founded by dr. collet . . william foxley slept in the tower dayes without waking . . the royal exchange built . . a great fire on london-bridge . . cheap-side cross pul'd down . . king charles º morthered . . king charles o. returned to london . . king charles o. crowned . the last great plague , which was usher'd in with three blazing stars . . the burning of london . . the english , &c. conquered the states of holland . the london almanack began to be first written - . some observations touching the antiquity of the famous city of london . london , the most glorious city ( all things considered ) in the whole world , is of great antiquity ; and , ( if historians say truth ) can boast of almost three thousand years continuance from its foundation . geoffrey of monmouth recordeth , that the city of london was built by brute , about the year of the world . and in the ●… . year ante-christum , neer unto the river now called the thames , and named it troy-novant , or new-troy . king lud afterward , not only repaired this city , but increased the same with many famous buildings . towers , walls , &c. and called it caire-lud , or luds-town : and the strong gate which he built in the west-part of the city , he likewise ( for the continuance of his own name and honour , ) called it lud-gate . but , much more of the name and original of this city , may be seen in cambden , speed , stow , &c. unto which authors ireser the desirous readers . the romans did first plant civility in brittain , and in this noble city , and ( in the time of domitian the emperor ) taught them to build houses for themselves , ( their habitations being before , only thick and cumbersome woods , plashed within , and trenched about , ) and temples for their gods , and courts for justice ; to bring up their noble mens children in good letters , and humanity , and to apparrel themselves roman-like ; whereas before , they went naked ( as saith mine author , ) painting their bodies , &c. simon of durham ( as quoted by stow , for i have not the book , ) sayes , that helen the mother of constantine the great , was the first that enwalled this city , and this was about the year christ , which wall being afterwards defac'd , there was another wall built for its defence , eight foot in breath , and twelve foot in height , as the ruins thereof doth yet make appear ; this was done , anno christi , , and , so from time to time hath the wall of this city been altered & repaired , as i shall hereafter ( though perhaps not in this almanack ) shew . leaving therefore to discourse of its walls , and original any further , in this place . i shall take a view of the rivers , bourns , and brooks &c. belonging to this noble place ; water being one of the most useful and commodious necessaries for a city , it is but fit that i take notice thereof in the first place , and shew you , out of stow , and other approved authors , how this populous city , was , and is , furnished therewith . antiently , until the time of william the conqueror , and for years after , the city of london was watered on the west part with the river wells , ( or rather wallbrook ) running through all that part of the city , this was a river so large , that it bear ships , and or at a time were wont to come up to the fleet , and oldbourn-bridge . the river of thames waters it on the south-side . on the east-side it was water'd with a river or water called langbourne . on the west-side , in the subburbs , it was water'd with oldbou●…ne river . three principal wells or fountains there are in other subburbs , to assi●…t them with water , viz. holy-wel , clements-wel , and clerks-wel ; of which more anon . neer unto this last named fountain , viz. clerks-well , are sundry other wells , viz. skinners-well , flags-well , tode-well , loders-well , and rad-well . dame annis the perilous-pond , &c. and in west smithfield , the●…e is a water called horse-pool , and another neer st. gile's-cripple-gate , call'd crowders-well , of all which i shall give you a brief account . . the thames is the most eminent and famous river of this island , and hath it's original in the county of oxford , neer unto a village called winchc●…mb , it passeth by the university of oxford , and ( saith stow , ) with a marvellous quiet course , it runneth to london , and thence it issueth into the ocean by main tides , which ebb and flow , more then sixty miles in length ; so that omitting to mention great ships , and other vessels of burthen , there is commonly to be found between windsor and gravesend , or small boats , or wherries , ( now called oars or scullers , ) which imployes great numbers of poor men ; and , is of eminent advantage to the kingdom , in case of any naval expedition . . the river wells , or wel-brook ( which in process of time is turned in wal-brook , ) is now decay'd and so stopped up by reason of buildings upon it , that its course is now hardly known ; but formerly this river was so large , that it was capable of bearing ships , as i before urged . . the river langbourn , or longbourn , so called of the length of it , was a stream breaking out in fen - church , ( or church-street ) which ran athwart g●…ass-street , or grace-church-street down lumbard-street , to the west end of st. mary woolnoth's church and then tu●…ning south , down shar●…bourn-lane , it brake into divers rills , or rivolets , to the river of thames . this bourn is also long since ●…opped up , so that no sign thereof remaineth . . oldbourn , which was a river that brake out about the place where now the barrs do stand , ( viz. neer unto grayes - inn-lane ; ) and it thence ran down the whole street , to oldbourn ( now called holbourn ) bridge ; and so into the river of wells before mentioned , or ( as it was lately called ) turnmil-brook . this river is also since st●…pped up ; b●…t yet the street beareth the name thereof . . holy-well , is further on the north part of the city , and near unto that place where divers kings of england have kept their courts , scituate between morefields and shoreditch : and , for the sweetness and pleasantuess of the water , it was much frequented by young schollars , and other youths in the summer evenings ; but now ( saith my authour ) is decay'd and spoiled , with filth purposely layd here , to raise the ground all thereabout , the better for garden-plots . . clements-well , is a little north from st. clements church in the strand , and nigh unto an inne of chancery , called cl●…ments-inn●… ; the water is sweet , serviceable , and plentiful , and , is yet handsomely preserved with free-stone round about it , it being of great use to all the neighbourhood thereabouts . . clerks-well , or clerken-well , as it is now called , is scituate not very far west of clerken-well church , adjoyning to the wall that encloses it . the said church took its name of the well , as history mentioneth ; and the well took its name from the parish-clerks in london , who ( in old times ) were wont thereabout to meet ; and ( dramatique-wi●…e ) to act some large history of scripture ; at which recreations , sundry kings and nobles have been present , for their encouragement . this well is furnished with plenty of good water , and is of great use to the inhabi●…ants adjoyning round about , even unto this day . . s●…inners-well was neer unto clerken-well , and was so named of the worshipful company of skinners in london , for that they held thereabouts certain yearly interludes ; in place whereof ( saith stow ) the wrestlings have been of late years kept , and is ( in part ) continued by the lord mayor and a'dermen , at the feast of s. barthol●…mew , in the moneth of august : at which time , there is both shooting of several sorts . wrestling and cudgel-playing , by the ablest men for skill and strength in these exercises in the city before the lord mayor and aldermen , who reward the victors , and victored also but unequally , preferring strength to weakness , &c. the other lesser wells or rivers , are almost all of them decay'd . howbeit , i shall mention something of them for information to my ingenious reader . fla●…s-well , was scituate neer unto west-smith-fi●…ld by the charter-house , now lately ( saith stow ) damned up , that scarcely any prints thereof remains . tods-wel , loders-wel , and rad-wel , are all of them decay'd , and now so filled up , that the ●…laces where they were , are hardly now to be discerned . dame-annis the cleer is not far from holy-wel , and remaineth still , as may be seen by any that walk between holy-wel and more-fields ; and somewhat west thereof is another cleer water , called perilous-pond : because divers youths ( by swiming therein ) have been drowned . horse-pool , is in west-smith-field , and hath been sometimes a very great water ; and was so called from the use that was made thereof , viz of watering horses therein . this is now also much decay'd , the spring thereof being stopped up , and the land-water ( as saith sto●… ) falling into the small bottom , remaining here enclosed with b●…ck , is now called smith-field pond . crowders-wel , is scituate by st. giles's church-yard without cripple-gate , and was formerly a large water , and fed with sundry springs . it is now for the most part stopped up , but the chief spring thereof is preserved , and was cooped about with stone , by the excecutors of one richard wittington , citiz●…n of london , as saith mine author . besides these several advantages of water this great and populous city was blessed withal , by nature ; art , hath not been wanting to give assistance herein unto it also , by the generous charity of sund●…y persons that bore affection unto her . and , so we may in history , that gilbert sandford , to do this glorious city service , obtained from king henry the third his majesty a patent to convey water from the town of teybourn ( whence the place of executing offenders monethly , at the west end of the subburbs neer hide-park corner , is named ) by pipes of lead into this city . then is it also furnished with divers curious conduits , which do not only eminent service to the several prime parts of the city , but serve for ornament and glory unto it ; of which i think not amiss to speak a little . the first ci●…lern of lead , enclosed , or castellated ( to use stows word ) with stone in the city of london , was called the great conduit in west-cheap , or cheap-side , and began to be builded in the year , . the conduit in st. mary aldermanbury , near the church , and the standard ( or conduit ) in fleet-street , neer st. b●…ides church , were made and finished anno . by the excecutors of one william east-field , citizen of london . the conduit in grass-streer , or grace - church-street , opposite to london bridg , was built anno christi , . the conduit at oldb●…urn cross , now called hol●…ourn conduit , was built anno christi , . and tebuilt by one mr. william lamb , anno , . the little conduit by the stocks market , at the lower end of cheap-side , was first built anno christi , and , ( having bin tuined with the city it self by the la●…e dreadful conflagration of london , ) ●…as rebuilt at the charges of the honourable sr. robert viner , kt. and baronet , with the true and lively portraicture of his present sacred majesty , king charles the second on horse-back : upon whose happy birth and restauration-day , anno . viz. may it ran wine for many hours together , at the charge of the said sr. robert viner , as a signal testimony of his loyalty to our said soveraign lord. the conduit at bishops-gate , was built in the year of our lord , . the conduit at london wall , almost against coleman street end , was built in or about the year . the conduit at aldgate without , was built about the year of christ . the conduit in lothbury , about the middle thereof , was built anno christi . the conduit in coleman-street , adjoyning to the church , was built about the same year . the conduit at down-gate , ( vulga●…ly dow gate ) was built anno christi . the conduit in alders-gate-street , without the gate , was built an. dom. , by mr. thomas hayes , and water then conveyed unto it . besides these several conduits and aqueducts , replenished with curious springs , by which the city of london is happily served ; there are other aquatical advantages belonging thereunto , viz. two other conduits served by the water of the river thames ; the one of them scituate by the parish church of st. mary magdalen , and the other adjoyning to the parish church of st. nicholas cole abby ; both neer unto old fishstreet , and built anno christi . but that which was as eminent almost as all these conduits &c. was the excellent contrivance of s●… hugh middlet●…n kt. and baronet , who fi●…st attempted and brought to pass that admirable work of conveighing the new river water ( as now called ) from chadwel and amwell to london ; which becau●…e it was , and is , and is like to be , of such great service to that eminent city , i will transcribe the story thereof ( in brief ) from stow , which take a●… followeth . the good queen elizabeth , minding the good of this great city , in or about the tenth year of her raign , granted to her citizens , power by act of parliament for cutting and conveying a river , from any part of middlesex or hertfordshire , to the city of london , with a limitat●…on of ten years time for the performance thereof . but the expiration of her royal life sooner came , then any such matter would be undertaken . also our late gracious soveraign king james was pleased to grant the like act ( but without date of time ) for the same effect , and when all else refused , sr. hugh middleton undertook it , to bring his intended river from chadwel and amwel , to the north side of london , neer islington , where he builded a large cistern to receive it . the work began the day of february , anno d●…m . and in five years space was fully accomplished . concerning the conveyance of it along to london , from chadwel and amwel , i my self ( saith stow ) did divers time ride to see it , and diligently observed that admirable art , pains and industry were bestowed for the passage of it , by reason that all grounds are not of a like nature ; some being ozie , and very muddy , others again as st●…ff , craggy and stony . the depth of the trench ( in some places ) descended full foot , if not more ; whereas ( in other places ) it required as sprightful art again , to mount it over a valley in a trough , between a couple of hills , and the trough all the while borne up by wooden arches ; some of them fixed in the ground very deep , & rising in height above foot . being brought to the intended cistern , but not ( as yet ) the water admitted entrance thereinto : on michaelmas day , anno . being the day when sr. thomas middleton knight , ( brother to the said sr. hugh midd'eton ) was elected lord mayor of london for the year ensuing ; in the afternoon of the same day , sr. john swinerton , knight , and lord mayor of london , accompanied with the said sr. thomas , sr. henry montague , knight , and recorder of london , and many of the worthy aldermen , rode to see the ci●…ern , and first issuing of the river thereinto : which was performed in this manner . a troop of labourers , to the number of or more , well apparalled , and wearing green monmouth caps , all alike , carried spades , shovels , pickaxes , and such like instruments of laborious imployment , marching after drums twice or thrice about the ci●…ern , presented themselves before the mount , where the lord mayor , aldermen , and a worthy company beside , stood to behold them ; and one man , in behalf of the rest , delivered this speech . long have we labour'd long desir'd , and pray'd , for this great works perfection ; and by th' ayd of h●…aven , and goodm●…ns wishes , 't is at length happily conquered by cost , ●…rt , a●…d st●…ength . and after five years dear expence in dayes , travel and pains , beside the infinite wayes of malice , envy , false suggestions , able to daunt the spirits of mighty ones , in wealth and courage ; this a work so rare , only by one man's industry , cost , care , is brought to bless'd effect , so much withstood ; his only aime , the citie 's general good . and where ( before ) many unjust complaints , enviously seated , caused oft restraints , stops , and great crosses , to our masters cha●…ge , and the work 's hindrance : favour now at large sp●…eads it self open to him , and commends , to admiration , both his pains and ends . ( the kings most gracious love ) perfection draws favour from princes , and ( from all ) applause . then wo●…thy magistrates , to whose content , ( next to the state ) all this great care was bent ; and for the publick good ( which grace requires ) your loves and furtherance chiefly he desires , to cherish these proceedings , which may give courage to some that may hereafter live , to practice deeds of goodness , and of fame , and gladly light their actions by his name . ` clark to the wo●…k , reach me the book to shew , ` how many arts from such a labour flow . first , her●…'s the overseer ; this tride man , an antient soldier , and an artizan ; the clark ; next him , mathematitian ; the master of the timber-work take place next after these ; the measurer , in like case , brick layer , and engineer ; and , after those , the borer , and the pavior . then it showes the labourers ; next , keeper of amwel head ; the walkers last ; so all their names are read . yet , these but parcels of six hundred more , that ( at onetime ) have been imploy'd before . yet , these in sight , and all the rest will say , that all the week they had their royal-pay . now for the fruits then ; flow forth , precious spring , so long and dearly sought for , and now bring comfort to all that love thee — loudly sing ; and , with thy christal murmurs strook together , bid all thy true wel-wishers welcome hither . at which words the flood-gates flew open , the stream ran gallantly into the cistern , drums and trumpets sounding in triumphant manner , and a brave peal of chambers gave full issue to the intended entertainment . thus much for waters serving this great city ; first , by rivers , brooks , bourns , fountains , pools , &c. and since by cenduits , partly made by good and charitable citizens , and otherwise by charges of the commonalty ; and lastly , by this new-river water brought from amwell , more chargable then almost all the rest . to conclude , as i have treated of all the several waters that are serviceable to this great city , and also of the several conduits , &c. it may be somwhat wondered at , that i have been so sparing in my discourse , or description rather , of the most famous river in the western world , viz. the thames , a river so great and spacious , that without it , london could not subsist , although it had the advantage of all the others , and twice as many more to furnish it with water . that any wonder of this kind , may the more easily abate , i shall refer my readers for satisfaction , unto my next years london - almanack ; in which , i intend , ( by gods permission ) to treat thereof by it self at large , and shew them its original , and sundry passages , untill i have pursued it into the ocean , into which all rivers naturally run : and so end my book for this year . advertisements . an ephemerides of the celestial motions , for ten years yet to come , with domifying tables for sundry latitudes , viz. london , york , &c. in england ; and , for new-york in new england , &c. as also for port-royal in jamaica , and the bridg-town in the barbadoes . a philosophical essay touching petrification in the greater world ; shewing the origen of all bodies to proceed from water and seeds , &c. by thomas shirley , physitian in ordinary to the kings most excellent majesty : sold by william cademan , at the sign of the popes-head in the new exchange . the fiery trigon revived ; by 〈◊〉 oppositions of the two superiour plane●… saturn and jupiter , in the years . a●… , declaring the manyfold miseri●… they menace to the dutch nation , bei●… now in their grand climacterical year . 〈◊〉 thomas trigge gent. student in physic●… and astrology . sold by josiah robinso●… at his shop , at lincolns-inne-gate n●… chancery-lane . also an ephemeris or almanack 〈◊〉 jamaica particularly calculated , with t●… nativity of that noble island , done 〈◊〉 an hundred and eighty years , both p●… formed by john gadbury , student in 〈◊〉 sick and astrologie ; and printed for t●… company of stationers . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e note that the glorious planet venus is our bright evening star , from the beginning of the year , until the . 〈◊〉 of june ; but , from hence being acquit of his occidentali●… , becomes oriental , and so our pleasant morning star , all 〈◊〉 rest of the year after . this table is easily understood : fo●… look but your sum 〈◊〉 he first collumn to your left hand , and your time at the ●…op ●…nd in the angle of meeting is the sum of your interest de sired . it is so plain , it needs no example . kings are terrestrial gods : and govern here , as jove himself , above the glittering sphear , to him bright stars and angels homage give ; ( who grutches it he sends to hell to live. ) by their example let 's give charles his due , for hee 's our dr●…d , and gracious soveraign too . omnis potestas â den est thus are the chiefest law●…ys to be found , in th' english nation , for the whole year round . but for this city , we need no such care ; great london hath its term-time all the year . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 : 〈◊〉 in 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . the geneva ballad to the tune of . butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b c estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ; : ) the geneva ballad to the tune of . butler, samuel, - . sheet ([ ] p.) printed for henry brome, at the gun at the west-end of st. pauls, london : mdclxxiv. [ ] attributed to samuel butler. verse - "of all the factions in the town,". a variant of the edition with "printed for r. cutler" in imprint. l (luttrell) copy identified as wing ( nd ed.) g on umi microfilm set "early english books, - ", reel . . reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery (reel ) and the british library (reel . ). created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng ballads, english -- th century. great britain -- religion -- th century -- poetry -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (oxford) sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the geneva ballad . to the tune of . of all the factions in the town , mov'd by french springs or flemish wheels , none treads religion upside down , or tears pretences out at heels , like splay-mouth with his brace of caps whose conscience might be scan'd perhaps by the dimensions of his chaps . he whom the sisters so adore , counting his actions all divine , who when the spirit hints , can roar , and if occasion serves can whine ; nay he can bellow , bray or bark . was ever sike a beuk-larn'd clerk , that speaks all lingua's of the ark. to draw in proselytes like bees , with pleasing twang he tones his prose , he gives his hand-kerchief a squeez , and draws john calvin through his nose . motive on motive he obtrudes , with slip-stocking similitudes , eight uses more , and so concludes . when monarchy began to bleed , and treason had a fine new name ; when thames was balderdash'd with tweed , and pulpits did like beacons flame ; when jeroboam's calves were rear'd , and laud was neither lov'd nor fear'd , this gospel-comet first appear'd . soon his unhallowed fingers strip'd his sov'reign liege of power and land , and having smote his master , slip'd his sword into his fellows hand . but he that wears his eyes may note , oftimes the butcher binds a goat , and leaves his boy to cut her throat . poor england felt his fury then out-weigh'd queen mary's many grains ; his very preaching slew more men , than bonner's faggots , stakes and chains . with dog-star zeal and lungs like boreas , he fought and taught ; and what 's notorious , destroy'd his lord to make him glorious . yet drew for king and parlement . as if the wind could stand north-south ; broke moses's law with blest intent , murther'd and then he wip'd his mouth . oblivion alters not his case , nor clemency nor acts of grace can blanch an aethiopian's face . ripe for rebellion he begins to rally up the saints in swarms , he bauls aloud , sirs , leave your sins , but whispers , boys , stand to your arms , thus he 's grown insolently rude , thinking his gods can't be subdu'd , money , i mean , and multitude . magistrates he regards no more than st. george or the kings of colen ; vowing he 'l not conform before the old-wives wind their dead in woollen . he calls the bishop , grey-beard goff , and makes his power as mere a scoff , as dagon , when his hands were off . hark! how he opens with full cry ! halloo my hearts , beware of rome . cowards that are afraid to die thus make domestick broils at home . how quietly great charles might reign , would all these hot-spurs cross the main , and preach down popery in spain . the starry rule of heaven is fixt , there 's no dissension in the sky : and can there be a mean betwixt confusion and conformity ? a place divided never thrives : 't is bad where hornets dwell in hives , but worse where children play with knives . i would as soon turn back to mass , or change my phrase to thee and thou ; let the pope ride me like an ass , and his priests milk me like a cow : as buckle to smectymnuan laws , the bad effects o' th' good old cause , that have dove's plumes , but vultur's claws . for 't was the haly kirk that nurs'd the brownists and the ranters crew ; foul errors motly vesture first was oaded in a northern blue . and what 's th' enthusiastick breed , or men of knipperdoling's creed , but cov'nanters run up to seed ? yet they all cry , they love the king , and make boast of their innocence : there cannot be so vile a thing , but may be colour'd with pretence . yet when all 's said , one thing i 'll swear , no subject like th' old cavalier , no traitor like jack — . london : printed for henry brome , at the gun at the west-end of st. pauls church-yard . mdclxxiv . another ballad: called the libertines lampoone: or, the curvets of conscience. to the tune of, thomas venner, or . / written by the authour of the geneva ballad. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). b wing a interim tract supplement guide c. .f. [ ] estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. b ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books; tract supplement ; a : [ ]) another ballad: called the libertines lampoone: or, the curvets of conscience. to the tune of, thomas venner, or . / written by the authour of the geneva ballad. butler, samuel, - . sheet ([ ] p.). printed for f.k. and edward thomas, and are to be sold at his shop at the adam [and eve in little-brittain], london : . geneva ballad attributed to samuel butler by wing. verse: "as i examin'd my conscience ..." imperfect: cropped at foot with partial loss of imprint. reproduction of original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng political ballads and songs -- england -- early works to . conscience -- early works to . ballads, english -- th century. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - john pas sampled and proofread - john pas text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion another ballad : called the libertines lampoone : or , the curvets of conscience . to the tune of , thomas venner , or . written by the authour of the geneva ballad as i examin'd my conscience , all by my self ; my head was full of nonsence : after seven times turning , worse then a burning , i found she was a way ward elf. ceremonious oaths , and humane laws offend her , she 's constant as a weather-cock , and as a milstone tender ; e'ne such another protestant , as the old witch of ender . halloo my conscience whither wilt thou go . treason she says is religion , sacriledge zeal ; a crow she calls a pidgeon : she tells you further , plundering and murther , do service to the common-weal . justice she esteemeth to be a very slow thing , power ecclesiastick , she reckons as a low thing , and for an act of parliament she counts it next to nothing ; halloo my conscience , &c. a nonconformist to please her , lately declar'd : she 's more a prince then caesar ; say what she will say , these fellows still say , she must and ought to be heard . though mallice can corrupt her , and avaric● can taint her , pride can blow her up , and hypocrisi can paint her , and when truth cryes her down sedition can saint her . halloo my conscience , &c. changes she can ring a hundred more then are good , else it might be wondred , in the mutations , of these three nations how upon her legs she hath stood . for under the old rumpers she was enfore'd to truckle , cromwel and his janisaries made her glad to buckle , and when the king came in , she got the trick to smuckle , halloo my conscience , &c. when smec and the independant began to clash : she could foresee the end on 't ; and as soon as the day first brake at breda , she kept her self out of the lash . although of the surplice she never had a rag on , of all her nimble tricks , this she hath cause to brag on , she pitcht upon her feet when bell fought with the dragon halloo my , &c. quite from bending and bowing , she is declin'd : to theeing , and to thouing , sects and perswasions all modes and fashions , of every sort and kind . she was a brownist lately , an anabaptist newly , and then she fell to plainly , verily and truly : but errors have no end , and factions want a thule . halloo my , &c. such is her intricate winding no man can trace , she loaths to hear of binding : she 's free and willing , although it be by killing to run the fanatick race . he that can restrain her , may fix the stars that wander , cure the sits of jealousie , or gag the mouth of slander : sail without a rudder , and rectifie meander . halloo my , &c. drunk with the doctrine of tub●men see how she reels , from men of law to club-men , this way and that way , no man knows what way , unsteadfast as phaetons wheels : in faith none more fervent , in charity none colder , as fiery as bucephalus , and then blind byard bolder : she 's too untame for earth , and none but hell can hold her . i , i , 't is thither , thither , she may go . london , printed for e. k. and edward thomas , and are to be sold at his shop at the adam hudibras in three parts. butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) hudibras in three parts. butler, samuel, - . corrected p. in various pagings. printed, and are to be sold by w. rogers ..., london : . in verse. each of the three parts has special t.p.; part three has separate paging. reproduction of original in the cambridge university library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - judith siefring sampled and proofread - judith siefring text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion hudibras . in three parts . corrected , with several additions and annotations . london , printed , and are to be sold by w. rogers , at the sun against st. dunstan's church in fleet-street . . hudibras . the first part. written in the time of the late wars . corrected & amended with several additions and annotations . london , printed by t.n. for henry herringman , and are to be sold by t. basset at the george in fleetstreet , . hudibras . the argument of the first canto . sir hudibras his passing worth , the manner how he sally'd forth : his arms and equipage are shown ; his horse's vertues , and his own . th' adventure of the bear and fiddle is sung , but breaks off in the middle . canto i. when civil fury first grew high , and men fell out they knew not why ; when hard words , jealousies and fears , set folks together by the ears , and made them fight , like mad or drunk , for dame religion as for punk , whose honesty they all durst swear for , though not a man of them know wherefore : when gospel-trumpeter , surrounded with long-ear'd rout to battel sounded , and pulpit , drum ecclesiastick , was beat with fist , instead of a stick : then did sir knight abandon dwelling , and out he rode a colonelling . a wight he was whose very sight wou'd entitle him mirror of knighthood ; that never bent his stubborn knee to any thing but chivalry ; nor put up blow , but that which laid right worshipful on shoulder-blade ; chief of domestick knights and errant , either for chartel or for warrant : great on the bench , great in the saddle , that could as well bind o're , as swaddle : mighty he was at both of these , and styl'd of war as well as peace . ( so some rats of amphibious nature , are either for the land or water . ) but here our authors make a doubt , whether he were more wise , or stout some hold the one , and some the other : but howsoe'r they make a pother , the difference was so small , his brain outweigh'd his rage but half a grain : which made some take him for a tool that knaves do work with , call'd a fool. and offer to lay wagers , that as mountaigne , playing with his cat , complains she thought him but an ass , much more she would sir hudibras . ( for that 's the name our valiant knight to all his challenges did write . ) but they 'r mistaken very much , 't is plain enough he was no such . we grant , although he had much wit , h' was very shie of using it , as being loath to wear it out , and therefore bore it not about . unless on holy-days , or so , as men their best apparel do . beside 't is known he could speak greek , as naturally as pigs squeek : that latine was no more difficile , than to a blackbird 't is to whistle . being rich in both he never scanted his bounty unto such as wanted ; but much of either would afford to many that had not one word . for hebrew roots , although th' are found to flourish most in barren ground , he had such plenty , as suffic'd to make some think him circumcis'd : and truly so perhaps , he was 't is many a pious christians case , he was in logick a great critick , profoundly skill'd in analytick . he could distinguish , and divide a hair 'twixt south and south-west side : on either which he would dispute , confute , change hands , and still confute . he 'd undertake to prove by force of argument , a man 's no horse . he 'd prove a buzard is no fowl , and that a lord may be an owl ; a calf an alderman , a goose a justice , and rooks committee-men and trustees he 'd run in debt by disputation , and pay with ratiocination . all this by syllogism , true in mood and figure , he would do . for rhetorick , he could not ope his mouth , but out there flew a trope : and when he hapned to break off i' th middle of his speech , or cough , h 'had hard words , ready to shew why , and tell what rules he did it by . else when with greatest art he spoke , you 'd think he talk'd like other folk . for all a rhetoricians rules teach nothing but to name his tools : his ordinary rate of speech in loftiness of sound was rich ; a babilonish dialect , which learned pedants much affect . it was a parti-colour'd dress of patch'd and pyball'd languages : 't was english cut on greek and latin , like fustian heretofore on sattin . it had an odd promiscuous tone , as if h' had talk'd three parts in one . which made some think when he did gabble , th' had heard three labourers of babel ; or cerberus himself pronounce a leash of languages at once . this he as volubly would vent , as if his stock would ne'r be spent . and truly to support that charge he had supplies as vast and large . for he could coyn or counterfeit new words with little or no wit : words so debas'd and hard , no stone was hard enough to touch them on . and when with hasty noise he spoke 'em , the ignorant for currant took ' em . that had the orator who once , did fill his mouth with pebble stones when he harangu'd ; but known his phrase he would have us'd no other ways . in mathematicks he was greater . then tycho-brahe , or erra pater : for he by geometrick scale could take the size of pots of ale ; resolve by signes and tangents straight , if bread or butter wanted weight ; and wisely tell what hour o' th day the clock does strike , by algebra . beside he was a shrewd philospher ; and had read every text and gloss over : what e're the crabbed'st author hath he understood b'implicit faith , what ever sceptick could inquere for ; for every why he had a wherefore : knew more then forty of them do , as far as words and terms could go . all which he understood by rote , and as occasion serv'd , would quote ; no matter whether right or wrong : they might be either said or sung . his notions fitted things so well , that which was which he could not tell ; but oftentimes mistook the one for th' other , as great clerks have done . he could reduce all things to acts and knew their natures by abstracts , where entity and quiddity the ghosts of defunct bodies flie ; where truth in person does appear , like words congeal'd in northern air , he knew what 's what , and that 's as high as metaphysick wit can fly . in school-divinity as able as he that hight irrefragable ; profound in all the nominal and real ways beyond them all ; and with as delicate a hand could twist as tough a rope of sand ; and weave fine cobwebs , fit for skull that 's empty when the moon is full ; such as take lodgings in a head that 's to be lett unfurnished . he could raise scruples dark and nice , and after solve'em in a trice : as if divinity had catch'd the itch , of purpose to be scratch'd ; or , like a mountebank , did wound and stab her self with doubts profound , only to shew with how small pain the sores of faith are cur'd again ; although by woful proof we find , they always leave a scar behind . he knew the seat of paradise , could tell in what degree it lies : and , as he was dispos'd , could prove it , below the moon , or else above it what adam dreamt of when his bride came from her closet in his side : whether the devil tempted her by a high dutch interpreter : if either of them had a navel ; who first made musick malleable : whether the serpent at the fall had cloven feet , or none at all . all this without a gloss or comment , he would unridle in a moment in proper terms , such as men smatter when they throw out and miss the matter : for his religion it was fit to match his learning and his wit : 't was presbyterian true blew , for he was of that stubborn crew of errant saints , whom all men grant to be the true church militant : such as do build their faith upon the holy text of pike and gun ; decide all controversies by infallible artillery ; and prove their doctrine orthodox by apostolick blows and knocks ; call fire and sword and desolation , a godly-thorough-reformation , which always must be carry'd on , and still be doing , never done : as if religion were intended for nothing else but to be mended . a sect , whose chief devotion lies in odd preverse antipathies ; in falling out with that or this , and finding somewhat still amiss : more peevish , cross , and spleenatick . then dog distract , or monky sick , that with more care keep holy-day the wrong , than others the right way : compound for sins , they are inclin'd to , by damning those they have no mind to ; still so perverse and opposite , as if they worshipp'd god for spight . the self-same thing they will abhor one way , and long another for . free-will they one way disavow , another , nothing else allow . all piety consists therein in them , in other men all sin. rather than fail , they will defy that which they love most tenderly ; quarrel with minc'd pies , and disparage their best and dearest friend , plum-porridge ; fat pig and goose it self oppose , and blaspheme custard through the nose . th' apostles of this fierce religion , like mahomet's , were ass and widgeon , to whom our knight by fast instinct of wit and temper was so linkt , as if hypocrisy and non-sence had got th' advouson of his conscience . thus was he gifted and accouter'd , we mean on th' inside , not the outward : that next of all we shall discuss ; then listen sirs , it followeth thus . his tawny beard was th' equal grace both of his wisdom and his face ; in cut and dy so like a tile , a sudden view it would beguile : the upper part thereof was whey , the neither orange mixt with grey . this hairy meteor did denounce the fall of scepters and of crowns ; with grizly type did represent declining age of government ; and tell with hieroglyphick spade , it s own grave and the state 's were made . like sampson's heart-breakers , it grew in time to make a nation rue ; though it contributed its own fall , to wait upon the publick downfall . it was canonick , and did grow in holy orders by strict vow ; of rule as sullen and severe , as that of rigid cordeliere : 't was bound to suffer persecution and martyrdome with resolution ; t' oppose it self against the hate and vengeance of th' incensed state : in whose defiance it was worn , still ready to be pull'd and torn , with red-hot irons to be tortur'd , revil'd , and spit upon , and martyr'd . maugre all which , 't was to stand fast , as long as monarchy should last . but when the state should hap to reel , 't was to submit to fatal steel , and fall , as it was consecrate a sacrifice to fall of state ; whose thred of life the fatal sisters did twist together with its whiskers , and twine so close , that time should never , in life or death , their fortunes sever ; but with his rusty sickle mow both down together at a blow . so learned taliacotius from the brawny part of porter's bum , cut supplemental noses , which would last as long as parent breech : but when the date of nock was out , off dropt the sympathetick snout . his back , or rather burthen , show'd as if it stoop'd with its own load . for as aeneas bore his sire upon his shoulders through the fire : our knight did bear no less a pack of his own buttocks on his back : which now had almost got the upper - hand of his head , for want of crupper . to poize this equally , he bore a paunch of the same bulk before : which still he had a special care to keep well cram'd with thrifty fare ; as white-pot , butter-milk , and curds , such as a countrey house affords ; with other victual , which anon we further shall dilate upon , when of his hose we come to treat , the cup-bord where he kept his meat . his doublet was of sturdy buff , and though not sword , yet cudgel-proof ; whereby 't was fitter for his use , that fear'd no blows but such as bruise . his breeches were of rugged woollen , and had been at the siege of bullen ; to old king harry so well known , some writers held they were his own . through they were lin'd with many a piece of ammunition-bread and cheese , and fat black puddings , proper food for warriers that delight in blood : for , as we said , he always chose to carry vittle in his hose . that often tempted rats , and mice , the ammunition to surprize : and when he put a hand but in the one or th' other magazine , they stoutly in defence on 't stood and from the wounded foe drew bloud and till th' were storm'd , and beaten out ne'r left the fortify'd redoubt ; and though knights errant , as some think , of old did neither eat nor drink , because when thorough deserts vast and regions desolate they past , where belly-timber above ground or under was not to be found , unless they graz'd , there 's not one word of their provision on record : which made some confidently write , they had no stomachs , but to fight , 't is false : for arthur wore in hall round table like a farthingal , on which , with shirt pull'd out behind , and eke before his good knights din'd . though 't was no table , some suppose , but a huge pair of round trunk-hose ; in which he carry'd as much meat as he and all his knights could eat , when laying by their swords and truncheons , they took their breakfasts or their nuncheons , but let that pass at present , lest we should forget where we digrest ; as learned authors use , to whom we leave it , and to th' purpose come . his puissant sword unto his side near his undaunted heart was ty'd , with basket-hilt , that would hold broth , and serve for fight and dinner both . in it he melted lead for bullets to shoot at foes ; and sometimes pullets , to whom he bore so fell a grutch , he ne'r gave quarter t' any such . the trenchant blade , toledo trusty , for want of fighting was grown rusty , and ate into it self , for lack of some body to hew and hack . the peaceful scabbard where it dwelt , the rancor of its edge had felt : for of the lower end two handfull , it had devoured 't was so manfull ; and so much scorn'd to lurk in case , as if it durst not shew its face . in many desperate attempts , of wars , exigents , contempts , it had appear'd with courage bolder than sergant bum , invading shoulder . oft had it ta'ne possession , and pris'ners too , or made them run . this sword a dagger had his page , that was but little for his age : and therefore waited on him so , as dwarfs upon knights errant do . it was a serviceable dudgeon , either for fighting or for drudging when it had stabb'd , or broke a head , it would scrape trenchers , or chip bread , toast cheese or bacon , though it were to bait a mouse-trap , 't would not care . 't would make clean shooes , and in the earth set leeks and onions , and so forth . it had been prentice to a brewer , where this and more it did endure . but left the trade , as many more have lately done on the same score . in th' holsters , at his saddle-bow , two aged pistols he did stow , among the surplus of such meat as in his hose he could not get . they were upon hard duty still , and every night stood sentinel , to guard the magazine i' th' hose from two legg'd and from four legg'd foes . thus clad and fortify'd , sir knight from peaceful home set forth to fight . but first with nimble active force he got on th' outside of his horse . for having but one stirrup ty'd t' his saddle , on the further side , it was so short , h' had much ado to reach it with his desperate toe . but after many strains and heaves , he got up to the saddle eaves . from whence he vaulted into th' seat with so much vigor , strength , and heat that he had almost tumbled over with his own weight , but did recover , by laying hold on tail and mane , which oft he us'd instead of reyn. but now we talk of mounting steed , before we further do proceed , it doth behove us to say something , of that which bore our valiant bumkin . the beast was sturdy , large , and tall , with mouth of meal and eyes of wall : i would say eye , for h' had but one , as most agree though some say none . he was well stay'd , and in his gate preserv'd a grave , majestick state . at spur or switch no mor he skipt , or mended pace , then spaniard whipt : and yet so fiery , he would bound , as if he grive'd to touch the ground : that caesar's horse , who , as fame goes , had corns upon his feet and toes , was not by half so tender-hooft , nor trode upon the ground so soft . and as that beast would kneel and stoop , ( some write ) to take his rider up : so hudibras his ( 't is well known ) would often do , to set him down . we shall not need to say what lack of leather was upon his back : for that was hidden under pad , and breech of knight gall'd full as bad . his strutting ribs on both sides show'd like furrows he himself had plow'd : for underneath the skirt of pannel , 'twixt every two there was a channel . his dragling tail hung in the dirt , which on his rider he would flurt still as his tender side he prickt , with arm'd heel or with unarm'd kickt : for hudibras wore but one spur , as wisely knowing , could he stir to active trot one side of 's horse , the other would not hang an arse . a squire he had whose name was ralph , that in th' adventure went his half . ( though writers , for more stately tone , do call him ralpho , 't is all one : and whan we can with meeter safe , wel call him so , if not plain raph , for rhime the rudder is of verses , with which like ships they stear their courses . an equal stock of wit and valour he had laid in , by birth a taylor . the mighty tyrian queen that gain'd with subtle shreds a tract of land , did leave it with a castle fair to his great ancestor , her heir : from him descended cross-legg'd knights , fam'd for their faith and warlike fights against the bloudy canibal , whom they destroy'd both great and small . this sturdy squire had as well as the bold trojan knight , seen hell , not with a counterfeited pass of golden bough , but true gold-lace . his knowledge was not far behind the knight's , but of another kind , and by another way came by 't , some call it gifts , and some new light ; a liberal art , that costs no pains of study , industry , or brains . his wits were sent him for a token , but in the carriage crackt and broken . like commendation nine-pence , crookt with to and from my love , it lookt , he ne'r consider'd it , as loath to look a gift-horse in the mouth ; and very wisely would lay forth no more upon it than 't was worth . but as he got it freely , so he spent it frank and freely too . for saints themselves will sometimes be of gifts that cost them nothing , free . by means of this , with hem and cough , prolongers to enlightned snuff , he could deep mysteries unriddle , as easily as thread a needle ; for as of vagabonds we say , that they are ne'r beside their way : whate'r men speak by this new light , still they are sure to be i' th' right . 't is a dark-lanthorn of the spirit , which none see by but those that bear it : a light that falls down from on high , for spiritual trades to cousen by : an ignis fatuus that bewitches , and leads men into pools and ditches , to make them dip themselves , and sound for christendom in dirty pond ; to dive like wild-foul for salvation , and fish to catch regeneration . this light inspires , and plays upon the noise of saint like bag-pipe drone , and speaks through hollow empty soul , as through a trunk , or whisp'ring hole , such language as no mortal ear but spiritual eaves-droppers can hear . so phoebus or some friendly muse into small poets song infuse ; which they at second-hand reherse through reed or bag-pipe , verse for verse ▪ thus ralph became infallible , as three or four-legg'd oracle , the ancient cup , or modern chair ; spoke truth point-blank , though unaware : for mystick learning , wonderous able in magick talisman , and cabal , whose primitive tradition reaches as far as adam's first green breches : deep-sighted in intelligences , idea's , atomes , influences ; and much of terra incognita , th' intelligible world could say ; a deep occult philosopher , as learn'd as the wild irish are , or sir agrippa , for profound and solid lying much renown'd : he anthroposophus , and floud , and jacob behmen understood ; knew many an amulet and charm , that would do neither good nor harm : in rosy-crucian lore as learned , as he that vere adeptus earned . he understood the speech of birds as well as they themselves do words : could tell what subtlest parrots mean , that speak and think contrary clean ; what member 't is of whom they talk when they cry rope , and walk , knave , walk . he 'd extract numbers out of matter , and keep them in a glass , like water , of sov'raign pow'r to make men wise ; for dropt in blere , thick-sighted eies , they 'd make them see in darkest night , like owls , though pur-blind in the li●h● ▪ by help of these ( as he profest ) he had first matter seen undrest : he took her naked all alone , before one rag of form was on . the chaos too he had descry'd , and seen quite through , or else he ly'd : not that of past-board which men shew for groats at fair of bartholomew ; but its great grandsire , first o' th' name , whence that and reformation came : both cousin-germans , and right able t' inveigle and draw in the rabble . but reformatiom was , some say , o' th' younger house to puppet-play . he could foretell what 's ' ever was by consequence to come to pass . as death of great men , alterations , diseases , battels , inundations . all this without th' eclipse of sun , or dreadful comet , he hath done by inward light , a way as good , and easy to be understood . but with more lucky hit than those that use to make the stars depose , like knights o' th' post , and falsly charge upon themselves what others forge : as if they were consenting to all mischief in the world men do : or like the dev'l , did tempt and sway 'em to rogueries , and then betray ' em . they 'l search a planet's house , to know who broke and robb'd a house below : examine venus , and the moon who stole a thimble or a spoon : and though they nothing will confess , yet by their very looks can guess , and tell what guilty aspect bodes , who stole , and who receiv'd the goods . they 'l question mars , and by his look detect who 't was that nimm'd a cloke : make mercury confess and peach those thieves which he himself did teach . they 'l find i' th' phisiognomies o' th' planets all mens destinies . like him that took the doctor 's bill , and swallow'd it instead o' th' pill . cast the nativity o' th' question , and from positions to be guest on , as sure as if they knew the moment of natives birth , tell what will come on 't . they 'l feel the pulses of the stars , to find out agues , coughs , catarrhs ; and tell what crysis does divine the rot in sheep , or mange in swine , in men what gives or cures the itch , what makes them cuckolds , poor or rich : what gains or loses , hangs or saves ; what makes men great , what fools or knaves ; but not what wise , for only of those the stars ( they say ) cannot dispose , no more than can the astrologians . there they say right , and like true trojans . this ralpho knew , and therefore took the other course , of which we spoke . thus was th' accomplish'd squire endu'd with gifts and knowledge , per'lous shrewd . never did trusty squire with knight , or knight with squire jump more right . their arms and equipage did fit , as well as vertues , parts , and wit. their valours too were of a rate , and out they sally'd at the gate ▪ few miles on horseback had they jogged , but fortune unto them turn'd dogged . for they a sad adventure met , of which we now prepare to treat : but e'r we venture to unfold atchievments so resolv'd and bold , we should , as learned poets use , invoke th' assistance of some muse ; however criticks count it sillier than juglers talking t' a familiar . we think 't is no great matter which , they 're all alike , yet we shall pitch on one that fits our purpose most , whom therefore thus do we accost . thou that with ale or viler liquors , didst inspire withers , pryn , and vickars , and force them , though it were in spight of nature , and their stars , to write ; who , as we find in sullen writs , and cross-grain'd works of modern wits , with vanity , opinion , want , the wonder of the ignorant , the praises of the author , penn'd by himself , or wit-ensuring friend , the itch of picture in the front , with bays , and wicked rhyme upon 't , all that is left o' th' forked hill to make men scribble without skill , canst make a poet , spight of fate , and teach all people to translate ; though out of languages in which they understand no part of speech : assist me but this once , i'mplore , and i shall trouble thee no more . in western clime there is a town to those that dwell therein well known ; therefore there needs no more be sed here we unto them refer our reader : for brevity is very good , when w' are , or are not understood . to this town people did repair on days of market or of fair , and to crack'd fiddle , and hoarse tabor in merriment did drudge and labor : but now a sport more formidable had rak'd together village rabble . t was an old way of recreating , which learned butchers call bear-baiting : a bold advent'rous exercise , with ancient hero's in high prize ; for authors do affirm it came from isthmian or nemean game . others derive it from the bear that 's fixt in northern hemispere , and round about the pole does make a circle like a bear at stake , that at the chain 's end wheels about , and over-turns the rabble-rout . for after solemn proclamation in the bear 's name ( as is the fashion , according to the law of arms , to keep men from inglorious harms ) that none presume to come so near as forty foot of stake of bear ; if any yet be so fool-hardy , t' expose themselves to vain jeopardy ; if they come wounded off and lame , no honour 's got by such a maim . although the bear gain much , b'ing bound in honor to make good his ground . when he 's engag'd , and take no notice , if any press upon him , who 't is , but let them know at their own cost that he intends to keep his post . this to prevent , and other harms , which always wait on feats of arms , ( for in the hurry of a fray 't is hard to keep out of harm's way ) thither the knight his course did stear , to keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear ; as he believ'd h' was bound to do in conscience and commission too . and therefore thus bespoke the squire ; we that are wisely mounted higher than constables ; in curule wit , when on tribunal bench we sit , like speculators ; should foresee , from pharos of authority . portended mischiefs farther then low proletarian tithing-men . and therefore being inform'd by bruit , that dog and bear are to dispute ; for so of late men fighting name , because they often prove the same ; ( for where the first does hap to be , the last does coincidere ) quantum in nobis , have thought good , to save th' expence of christian bloud , and try if we by mediation of treaty and accommodation can end the quarrel , and compose the bloudy duel without blows . are not our liberties , our lives , the laws , religion , and our wives enough at once to lye at stake , for cov'nant and the cause's sake ; but in the quarrel dogs and bears , as well as we must venture theirs ? this feud by jesuits invented , by evil counsel is fomented . there is a machiavilian plot , ( though ev'ry nare olfact it not ) a deep design in 't , to divide the well-affected that confide , by setting brother against brother , to claw and curry one another . have we not enemies plus satis , that cane & angue pejus hate us ? and shall we turn our fangs and claws upon our own selves , without cause ? that some occult design dothly in bloudy cynarctomachy , is plain enough to him that knows how saints lead brothers by the nose . i wish my self a pseudo-prophet , but sure some mischief will come of it : unless by providential wit or force we averruncate it . for what design , what interest can beast have to encounter beast ? they fight for no espoused cause , frail priviledge , fundemental laws ; nor for a thorough reformation , nor covenant , nor protestation ; nor liberty of consciences , nor lords and commons ordinances ; nor for the church , nor for church-lands , to get them in their own no hands ; nor evil counsellors to bring to justice that seduce the king ; nor for the worship of us men , though we have done as much for them . th' egyptians worshiped dogs , and for their faith made fierce and zealous war. others ador'd a rat , and some for that church suffer'd martyrdome . the indians fought for the truth of th' elephent , and monkey's tooth : and many , to defend that faith , fought it out mordicus to death . but no beasts ever was so slight , for man , as for his god , to fight . they have more wit , alas ! and know themselves and us better than so . but we , we only do infuse the rage in them like boute-feus . 't is our example that instills in them th' infection of our ills . for , as some late philosphers have well observ'd , beasts that converse with man , take after him , as hogs get pigs all th' year , and bitches dogs . just so by our example cattle learn to give one another battel . we read in nero's time , the heathen , when they destroy'd the christian brethren , they sow'd them in the skins of bears , and then set dogs about their ears : from whence , no doubt , th' invention came of this lewd antichristian game . to this , quoth ralpho , verily , the point seems very plain to be . it is an antichristian game , unlawful both in thing and name , first for the name , the word bear-baiting is carnal , and of man's creating : for certainly there 's no such word in all the scripture on record . therefore unlawful and a sin , and so is ( secondly ) the thing . a vile assembly 't is , that can no more be prov'd by scripture than provincial , classick , national ; mere humane creature-cobwebs all . thirdly , it is idolatrous . for when men run a-whoring thus with their inventions whatsoe'r the thing be , whether dog or bear , 〈◊〉 idolatrous and pagan no less than worshiping of dagon . quoth hudibras , i smell a rat ; ralpho , thou dost prevaricate . for though the thesis which thou lay'st be true ad amussim as thou say'st : ( for that bear-baiting should appear jure divino lawfuller than synods are , thou dost deny , totidem verbis so do i ) yet there 's a fallacy in this : for if by fly homoeosis , thou wouldst sophistically imply both are unlawful , i deny . and i ( quoth ralpho ) do not doubt but bear-baiting may be made out in gospel-times , as lawful as is provincial or parochial classis : and that both are so near of kin , and like in all as well as sin , that put them in a bag and shake 'em , your self o' th' sudden would mistake 'em , and not know which is which , unless you measure by their wickedness : for 't is not hard t' imagine whether o' th' two is worst , though i name neither . quoth hudibras , thou offer'st much , but art not able to keep touch . mira de lente , as 't is i' th' adage , id est , to make a leek a cabbage . thou canst at best but overstrain a paradox , and th' own hot brain for what can synods have at all with bears that 's analogical ? or what relation has debating of church-affairs with bear-baiting ? a just comparison still is , of things ejusdem generis . and then what genus rightly doth include , and comprehend them both ? if animal , both of us may as justly pass for bears as they . for we are animals no less , although of different specieses . but , ralpho this is no fit place nor time to argue out the case : for now the field is not far off , where we must give the world a proof of deeds , not words , and such as suit another manner of dispute . a controversy that affords actions for arguments , ●ot words : which we must manage at a rate of prowess and conduct adaequate to what our place and fame doth promise , and all the godly expect from us . nor shall they be deceiv'd , unless w' are slurr'd and outed by success : success , the mark no mortal wit , or surest hand can always hit : for whatsoe're we perpetrate , we do but row , w' are steer'd by fate , which in s●ccess oft disinherits , for spurious causes , noblest merits . great actions are not always true sons of great and mighty resolutions : nor do the bold'st attempts bring forth events still equal to their worth ; but sometimes fail , and in their stead fortune and cowardise succeed . yet we have no great cause to doubt , our actions still have born us out . which though th' are known to be so ample , we need no copy from example , we ' are not the only person durst , attempt this province , nor the first . in northern clime a valorous knight did whilom kill his bear in fight , and wound a fidler : we have both of these the objects of our wroth , and equal fame and glory from th' attempt or victory to come . 't is sung , there is a valiant mamaluke in forreign land , yclep'd — to whom we have been oft compar'd for person , parts , address , and beard ; both equally reputed stout , and in the same cause both have fought . he oft in such attempts as these came off with glory and success , nor will we fail in th' execution , for want of equal resolution . honor is , like a widow , won with brisk attempt and putting on ; with entring manfully , and urging ; not slow approaches , like a virgin. this said , as once the phrygian knight , so ours with rusty steel did smite his trojan horse , and just as much he mended pace upon the touch ; but from his empty stomach groan'd just as that hollow beast did sound , and angry answer'd from behind , with brandish'd tail and blast of wind. so have i seen with armed heel , a wight bestride a common-weal ; while still the more he kick'd and spurr'd , the less the sullen jade has stirr'd . the argument of the second canto . the catalogue and character of th' enemies best men of war ; whom in a bold harangue , the knight defy's , and challenges to fight : h' incounters talgol , routs the bear , and takes the fidler prisoner ; conveys him to enchanted castle , there shuts him fast in wooden bastile . canto ii. there was an ancient sage philosopher , that had read alexander ross over , and swore the world , as he could prove , was made of fighting and of love : just so romances are , for what else is in them all , but love and battles ? o' th' first of these w' have no great matter to treat of , but a world o' th' latter : in which to do the injur'd right we mean in what concerns just fight . certes our authors are to blame , for to make some well sounding name a pattern fit for modern knights , to copy out in frays and fights , ( like those that a whole streat do raze , to build a palace in the place . ) they never care how many others they kill , without regard of mothers , or wives , or children , so they can make up some fierce dead-doing man , compos'd of many ingredient valors just like the manhood of nine taylors . so a wild tartar when he spies a man that 's handsome , valiant , wise , if he can kill him , thinks t' inherit his wit , his beauty , and his spirit : as if just so much he enjoy'd as in another is destroy'd . for when a giant 's slain in fight , and mow'd o'rthwart , or cleft downright , it is a heavy case , no doubt . a man should have his brains beat out , because he 's tall , and has large bones ; as men kill beavers for their stones . but as for our part , we shall tell the naked truth of what befell ; and as an equal friend to both the knight and bear , but more to troth , with neither faction shall take part , but give to each his due desert : and never coyn a formal lye on 't , to make the knight o'rcome the giant . this b'ing profest , we hope 's enough , and now go on where we left off . they rod , but authors having not determin'd whether pace or trot , ( that is to say , whether tollutation , as they do tearm 't , or succussation ) we leave it , and go on , as now suppose they did , no matter how . yet some from subtle hints have got mysterious light , it was a trot. but let that pass : they now begun to spur their living engines on : for as whipp'd tops and bandy'd balls , the learned hold , are animals : so horses they affirm to be mere engines made by geometry , and were invented first from engins , as indian britans were from penguins . so let them be , and , as i was saying , they their live engines ply'd , not staying until they reach'd the fatal champain , which the enemy did then incamp on , the dire pharsalian plain , where battel was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant cattel , and fierce auxiliary men , that came to aid their brethren : who now began to take the field as from his steed the knight beheld : for as our modern wits behold , mounted a pick-back on the old , much further off , much further he rais'd on his aged beast could see : yet not sufficient to descry all postures of the enemy . and therefore orders the bold squire t' advance , and view their body nigher that when their motions he had known , he might know how to fit his own . mean while he stopp'd his willing steed , to fit himself for martial deed : both kinds of mettle he prepar'd , either to give blows , or to ward , courage within , and steel without , to give , or to receive a rout. his death-charg'd pistols he did fit well , drawn out from life-preserving vittle . these being prim'd , with force he labour'd to free 's sword from retentive scabbard : and after many a painful pluck , he clear'd at length the rugged tuck . then shook himself , to see that prowess in scabbard of his arms sate loose ; and rais'd upon his desperate foot on stirrup side he gaz'd about , portending bloud , like blazing star , the beacon of approaching war. the squire advanc'd with greater speed than could b' expected from his steed ; but far more in returning made , for now the foe he had survey'd rang'd , as to him they did appear , with van , main battel , wings and rear . in th' head of all this warlike rabble crowdero march'd , expert and able : instead of trumpet and of drum , that makes the warrier's stomach come , whose noise whets valour sharp , like beer by thunder turn'd to vineger . ( for if a trumpet sound or drum beat , who has not a months mind to combat ? ) a squeaking engine he apply'd unto his neck , on north-east side , just where the hangman does dispose to special friends the fatal noose : for 't is great grace when statsmen straight dispatch a friend , let others wait . his warped ear hung o're the strings , which was but souce to chitterlings : for guts , some write , e're they are sodden , are fit for musick ; or for pudden : from whence men borrow ev'ry kind of minstrelsy , by string or wind . his grizly beard was long and thick , with which he strung his fiddle-stick . for he to horse-tail scorn'd to owe , for what on his own chin did grow . chiron , the four legg'd bard , had both a beard and tail of his own growth , and yet by authors 't is averr'd , he made use only of his beard . in staffordshire where vertuous worth does raise the minstrelsy , not birth ; where bulls do chuse the boldest king and ruler , o're the men of string ; ( as once in persia , t is said , kings were proclaim'd by a horse that neigh'd ) he bravely vent'ring at a crown , by chance of war was beaten down , and wounded sore : his leg then broke , had got a deputy of oke : for when a shin in fight is cropt , the knee with one of timber's propt ; esteem'd more honourable than the other , and takes place , though the younger brother . next march'd brave orsin , famous for wise conduct , and success in war : a skilful leader , stout , severe , now marshal to the champion bear. with truncheon tipp'd with iron-head , the warrior to the lists he led ; with solemn march and stately pace , but far more grave and solemn face : grave as the emperor of pegu , or spanish potentate don diego . this leader was of knowledge great , either for charge or for retreat . knew when t' engage his bear pel-mel and when to bring him off as well . so lawyers , lest the bear defendant , and plaintiff dog should make an end on 't ▪ do stave and tail with writs of error , reverse of judgment , and demurrer , to let them breath a while , and then cry whoop , and set them on agen . as romulus a wolf did rear , so he was dry-nurs'd by a bear , that fed him with the purchas'd prey of many a fierce and bloudy fray ; bred up , where discipline most rare is , in military garden-paris . for soldiers heretofore did grow in gardens , just as weeds do now ; until some splay-foot polyticians , t' apollo offer'd up petitions , for licensing a new invention th' ●ad found out , of an antique engine to root out all the weeds that grow in publick garden at a blow , and leave th' herbs standing . quoth sir sun , my friends , that is not to be done . not done ? quoth statesmen ; yes , an 't please ye , when 't is once known you 'l say 't is easy . why then let 's know it , quoth apollo . we 'l beat a drum , and they 'l all follow . a drum ( quoth phoebus ) troth that 's true , a pretty invention quaint and new . but though of voice and instrument we are ( 't is true ) chief president ; we such loud musick do not profess , the devil's master of that office , where it must pass , if 't be a drum , he 'l sign it with cler. parl. dom. com. to him apply your selves , and he will soon dispatch you for his fee. they did so , but it prov'd so ill , th' had better have let let them grow there still . but to resume what we discoursing wee on before , that is , stout orsin : that which so oft by sundry writers has been apply'd t' almost all fighters , more justly may b' ascrib'd to this , than any other warrior , ( viz. ) none ever acted both parts bolder , both of a chieftain and a soldier . he was of great descent and high , for splendor and antiquity , and from celestial origine deriv'd himself in a right line . not as the ancient hero's did , who , that their base births might be hid , ( knowing they were of doubtful gender , and that they came in at a windore ) made jupiter himself and others o' th' gods gallants to their own mothers , ( to get on them a race of champions , of which old homer first made lampoons ) arctophylax in northern sphere was his undoubted ancestor : from him his great forefathers came . and in all ages bore his name . learned he was in medc'nal lore , for by his side a pouch he wore replete with strange hermetick powder , that wounds six miles point-blanck would solder by skilful chymist with great cost extracted from a rotten post ; but of a heav'nlier influence than that which mountebanks dispense ; though by promothean fire made , as they do quack that drive that trade . for as when slovens do amiss at others doors by stool or piss , the learned write , a red-hot spit , b'ing prudently apply'd to it , will convey mischief from the dung unto the part that did the wrong : so this did healing , and as sure as that did mischief , this would cure . thus vertuous orsin was endu'd , with learning , conduct , fortitude , incomparable : and as the prince of poets , homer , sung long since , a skilful leech is better far than half a hundred men of war ; so he appear'd and by his skill , no less than dint of sword could kill . the gallant bruin marcht next him , with visage formidably grim , and rugged as a saracen , or turk of mahomet's own kin ; clad in a mantle della guer of rough impenetrable fur ; and in his nose , like indian king , he wore for ornament a ring ; about his neck a three-fold gorget , as tough as treabled leathern target ; armed , as heraulds cant , and langued , or , as the vulgar say , sharp fanged . for as the teeth in beasts of prey are swords , with which they fight in fray ; so swords , in men of war are teeth , which they do eat their vittle with . he was by birth , some authors write , a russian , some a muscovite , and 'mong the cossacks had been bred , of whom we in diurnals read , that serve to fill up pages here , as with their bodies ditches there . scrimansky was his cousin-german , with whom he serv'd , and fed on vermin : and when these fail'd he 'd suck his claws , and quarter himself upon his paws . and though his countrey-men , the huns , did use to stew between their bums , and their warm horses backs , their meat and ev'ry man his saddle eat : he was not half so nice as they , but eat it raw when 't came in 's way . he had trac'd countreys far and near , more than le blanc the traveller ; who writes , he spous'd in india of noble house a lady gay , and got on her a race of worthies as stout as any upon earth is full many a fight for him between talgol and orsin oft had been ; each striving to deserve the crown of a sav'd citizen : the one to guard his bear , the other fought to aid his dog ; both made more stout by sev'ral spurs of neighborhood , church-fellow-membership , and bloud but talgol , mortal foe to cows , never got ought of him but blows ; blows hard and heavy , such as he had lent , repayd with usury . yet talgol was of courage stout , and vanquish'd oftner than he fought : inur'd to labor , sweat , and toyl , and , like a champion , shone with oyl . right many a widow his keen blade , and many a fatherless , had made ; he many a bore and huge dun cow did , like another guy o'rethrow . but guy with him in fight compar'd , had like the bore or dun cow far'd . with greater troops of sheep h 'had faught than ajax or bold don quixot : and many a serpent of fell kind , with wings before and stings behind , subdu'd ; as poets say , long agone bold sir george , saint george did the dragon . nor engine , nor device polemick , disease , nor doctor epidemick , though stor'd with deletery med'cines , ( which whosoever took is dead since ) e're sent so vast a colony to both the under worlds as he . for he was of that noble trade that demi-gods and heroes made , slaughter , and knocking on the head , the trade to which they all were bred ; and is , like others , glorious when t is great and large , but base if mean. the former rides in triumph for it ; the later in a two wheel'd chariot , for daring to prophane a thing so sacred , with vile bungling . next these brave the magnano came , magnano great in martial fame . yet when with orsin he wag'd fight , 't is sung he got but little by 't . yet he was fierce as forrest-bore , whose spoils upon his back he wore , as thick as ajax seven-fold shield , which o're his brazen arms he held , but brass was feeble to resist the fury of his armed fist ; nor could the hardest ir'n hold out against his blows , but they would through't . in magick he was deeply read , as he that made the brazen-head ; profoundly skill'd in the black art , as english merlin for his heart ; but far more skilful in the spheres than he was at the sieve and shears . he could transform himself in colour as like the devil as a collier ; as like as hypocrites in show are to true saints , or crow to crow . of warlike engines he was author , devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter : the cannon , blunderbus , and saker , he was th' inventer of and maker : the trumpet and the kettle-drum did both from his invention come . he was the first that e'r did teach to make , and how to stop a breach . a lance he bore with iron pike , th' one half would thrust , the other strike : and when their forces he had joyn'd , he scorn'd to turn his parts behind . he trulla lov'd , trulla more bright than burnish'd armor of her knight : a bold virago , stout and tall as joan of france , or english mall . through perils both of wind and limb , through thick and thin she follow'd him , in ev'ry adventure h'undertook , and never him or it forsook . at breach of wall , or hedge surprize , she shar'd in th' hazard and the prize : at beating quarters up , or forrage , behav'd her self with matchless courage ; and laid about in sight more busily , than th' amazonian dame , penthesile . and though some criticks here cry shame , and say our authors are to blame , that spight of all philosophers , who hold no females stout , but bears , and heretofore did so abhor their women should pretend to war , they would not suffer the stout'st dame to swear by hercules his name , make feeble ladies , in their works , to fight like termagants and turks ; to lay their native arms aside , their modesty , and ride a-stride ; to run a-tilt at men , and wield their naked tools in open field ; as stout armida , bold thalestris , and she that would have been the mistriss of gundibert , but he had grace , and rather took a countrey lass : they say 't is false , without all sense , but of pernicious consequence to government , which they suppose can never be upheld in prose : strip nature naked to the skin , you 'l find about her no such thing ▪ it may be so , yet what we tell of trulla , that 's improbable , shall be depos'd by those have seen 't , or , what 's as good , produc'd in print : and if they will not take our word , we 'l prove it true upon record , the upright cerdon next advanc't , of all his race the valiant'st ; cerdon the great , renown'd in song , like h●rc'les , for repair of wrong : he rais'd the low , and fortify'd the weak against the strongest side . ill has he read , that never hit on him in muses deathless writ . he had a weapon keen and fierce , that through a bull-hide shield would pierce , and cut it in a thousand pieces , though tougher than the knight of greece his ; with whom his black thumb'd ancestor was comrade in the ten years war : for when the restless greeks set down so many years before troy town , and were renown'd , as homer writes , for well-sol'd boots , no less than fights ; they ow'd that glory only to his ancestor , that made them so . fast friend he was to reformation , until 't was worn quite out of fashion . next rectifier of wry law , and would make three , to cure one flaw . learned he was , and could take note , transcribe , collect , translate and quote . but preaching was his chiefest talent , or argument , in which b'ing valiant ; he us'd to lay about and stickle , like ram or bull , at conventicle : for disputants like rams and bulls , do fight with arms that spring from skulls . last colon came , bold man of war , destin'd to blows by fatal star ; right expert in command of horse , but cruel , and without remorse . that which of centaure long ago was said , and has been wrested to some other knights , was true of this , he and his horse were of a piece . one spirit did inform them both , the self-same vigor , fury wroth : yet he was much the rougher part , and always had a harder heart ; although his horse had been of those that fed on man's flesh , as fame goes . strange food for horse ! and yet , alass , it may be true , for flesh is grass . sturdy he was , and no less able than hercules to cleanse a stable ; as great a drover , and as great a critick too in hog or neat. he ripp'd the womb up of his mother , dame tellus , ' cause she wanted fother and provender wherewith to feed himself and his less-cruel steed . it was a question whether he or 's horse were of a family more worshipful : till antiquaries , ( after th' ad almost por'd out their eies ) did very learnedly decide the business on the horse's side , and prov'd not only horse , but cows , nay pigs , were of the elder house : for beasts , when man was but a piece of earth himself , did th' earth possess . these worthies were the chief that led the combatants , each in the head , of his command , with arms and rage , ready and longing to engage . the numerous rabble was drawn out of several countreys round about ; from villages remote , and shires , of east and western hemispheres : from forain parishes and regions , of different manners , speech , religions , came men and mastives ; some to fight for fame and honor , some for sight . and now the field of death , the lists , were entred by antagonists , and bloud was ready to be broached ; when hudibras in haste approached , with squire and weapons to attack them : but first thus from his horse bespake them . what rage , o citizens , what fury doth you to these dire actions hurry ? what oestrum , what phrenetick mood makes you thus lavish of your bloud , while the proud vies your trophies boast , and unreveng'd walks — ghost ? what towns , what garrisons might you with hazard of this bloud subdue , which now y' are bent to throw away in vain , untriumphable fray ? shall saints in civil bloudshed wallow of saints , and let the cause lie fallow ? the cause for which we fought and swore so boldly , shall we now give o're ? then because quarrels still are seen with oaths and swearing to begin , the solemn league and covenant will seem a meer god-dam me rant ; and we that took it , and have fought , as lewd as drunkards that fall out . for as we make war for the king against himself , the salf-same thing some will not stick to swear we do for god and for religion too . for if bear-baiting we allow , what good can reformation do ? the bloud and treasure that 's laid out , is thrown away , and goes for nought . are these the fruits o' th' protestation , the prototype of reformation , which all the saints , and some , since martyrs , wore in their hats , like wedding-garters , when 't was resolv'd by either house six members quarrel to espouse ? did they for this draw down the rabble , with zeal and noises formidable ; and make all cries about the town joyn throats to cry the bishops down ? who having round begirt the palace , ( as once a month they do the gallows ) as members gave the sign about , set up their throats with hideous shout . when tinkers bawl'd aloud , to settle church-discipline , for patching kettle . no sow-gelder did blow his horn to geld a cat , but cry'd reform . the oyster-women lock'd their fish up , and trudg'd away to cry no bishop . the mousetrap-men laid save-alls by , and ' gainst ev'l counsellors did cry . botchers left old cloaths in the lurch , and fell to turn and patch the church . some cry'd the covenant instead of pudding-pies and ginger-bread : and some for broom , old boots and shooes . baul'd out to purge the common's house : instead of kitchinstuff , some cry a gospel-preaching-ministry ; and some for old suits , coats , or cloak , no surplices , nor service-book . a strange harmonious inclination of all degrees to reformation . and is this all ? is this the end to which these carr'ings on did tend ? hath publick faith like a young heir for this tak'n up all sorts of ware , and run in t ' ev'ry tradesman's book , till both turn'd bankrupts , and are broke ? did saints for this bring in the plate , and crowd as if they came too late ? for when they thought the cause had need on 't , happy was he that could be rid on 't . did they coyn piss pots , bouls , and flaggons , int ' officers of horse and dragoons ; and into pikes and musqueteers stamp beakers , cups , and porringers ? a thimble , bodkin , and a spoon did start up living men , as soon as in the furnace they were thrown , just like the dragon's teeth b'ing sown . then was the cause all gold and plate , the brethrens off'rings , consecrate like th' hebrew-calf , and down before it the saints fell prostrate , to adore it . so say the wicked — and will you make that sarcasmous scandal true . by running after dogs and bears , beasts more unclean than calves or steers ? have pow'rful preachers ply'd their tongues , and laid themselves out and their lungs ; us'd all means , both direct and sinister , i' th' power of gospel-preaching minister ? have they invented tones , to win the women , and make them draw in the men , as indians with a female tame elephant enveigle the male ? have they told prov'dence what it must do , whom to avoid , and whom to trust to ? discover'd th' enemy's design , and which way best to countermine ; prescrib'd what ways he hath to work , or it will ne'r advance the kirk ; told it the news o' th' last express , and after good or bad success made prayers , not so like petitions , as overtures and propositions , ( such as the army did present to their creator th' parliament ) in which they freely will confess , they will not , cannot acquiesce , unless the work be carry'd on in the same way they have begun , by setting church and common-weal , all on a flame bright as their zeal , on which the saints were all-a-gog , and all this for a bear and dog ? the parliament drew up petitions to 't self , and sent them , like commissions , to well-affected persons down , in ev'ry city and great town ; with pow'r to leavy horse and men , only to bring them back agen : for this did many , many a mile , ride manfully in rank and file , with papers in their hats , that show'd as if they to the pillory rode . have all these courses , these efforts , been try'd by people of all sorts , velis & remis , omnibus nervis , and all t' advance the cause's service : and shall all now be thrown away in petulant intestine fray ? shall we that in the cov'nant swore , each man of us to run before another still in reformation , give dogs and bears a dispensation ? how will dissenting brethren relish it ? what will malignants say ? videlicet , that each man swore to do his best , to damn and perjure all the rest : and bid the devil take the hinmost , which at this race is like to win most . they 'l say our bus'ness to reform the church and state is but a worm ; for to subscribe , unsight unseen , t' an unknown churches discipline what is it else , but before-hand . t' ingage , and after understand ? for when we swore to carry on the present reformation , according to the purest mode of churches , best reform'd abroad , what did we else but make a vow to do we know not what , nor how ? for no three of us will agree where , or what churches these should be . and is indeed the self-same case with theirs that swore et caeteras ; or the french league , in which men vow'd to fight to the last drop of bloud . these slanders will be thrown upon the cause and work we carry on , if we permit men to run headlong t' exorbitancies fit for bedlam , rather than gospel-walking times , whan slightest sins are gteatest crimes . but we the matter so shall handle , as to remove that odious scandal . in name of king and parliament , i charge ye all , no more foment this feud , but keep the peace between your brethren and your countrey-men ; and to those places straight repair where your respective dwellings are . but to that purpose first surrender , the fidler , as the prime offender , th' incendiary vile , that is chief author and enginier of mischief ; that makes division between friends , for prohane and malignant ends . he and that engine of vile noise , on which illegally he plays , shall ( dictum factum ) both he brought to condigne punishment as th'y ought . this must be done , and i would fain see : mortal so sturdy as to gain-say : for then i 'le take another course , and soon reduce you all by force . this said , he clapt his hand on sword , to shew he meant to keep his word . but talgol , who had long supprest enflamed wrath in glowing breast , which now began to rage and burn as implacably as flame in furnace , thus answer'd him . thou vermin wretched , as e're in meazel'd pork was hatched ; thou tail of worship , that dost grow on rump of justice as of cow ; how dar'st thou with that sullen luggage o' th thy self , old ir'n and other baggage , with which thy steed of bones and leather has broke his wind in halting hither ; how durst th' , i say , adventure thus t' oppose thy lumber against us ? could thine impertinence find out no work t' employ it self about , where thou secure from wooden blow thy busy vanity might'st show ? was no dispute afoot between the catterwauling brethren ? no subtle question rais'd among those out-o'-their wits and those i' th' wrong ? no prize between those combatans o' th' times , the land and water - saints ; where thou might'st stickle without hazard of outrage to thy hide and mazzard , and not for want of bus'ness come to us to be thus troublesome , to interrupt our better sort of disputants , and spoil our sport ? was there no felony , no bawd , cut-purse , nor burglary abroad ? no stolen pig , nor plunder'd goose , to tye thee up from breaking loose ? no ale unlicenc'd , broken hedge , for which thou statute might'st alledge , to keep thee busie from foul evil , and shame due to thee from the devil ? did no committee sit , where he might cut out journey-work for thee ; and set th' a task , with subornation , to stitch up sale and sequestration ; to cheat with holiness and zeal all parties , and the common-weal ? much better had it been for thee , h 'had kept thee where th' art us'd to be ; or sent th' on bus'ness any whither , so he had never brought thee hither . but if th' hast brain enough in skull to keep within it's lodging whole , and not provoke the rage of stones and cudgels to thy hide and bones ; tremble , and vanish while thou may'st , which i 'le not promise if thou stay'st . at this the knight grew high in wroth , and lifting hands and eyes up both , three times smote on stomack stout , from whence at length these words broke out . was i for this entit'led sir , and girt with trusty sword and spur , for fame and honor to wage battel , thus to be brav'd by foe to cattel ? not all that pride that makes thee swell as big as thou dost blown-up veal ; nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat , and sell thy carrion for good meat ; not all thy magick to repair decay'd old age in tough lean ware , make natural death appear thy work , and stop the gangreen in stale pork ; not all that force that makes thee proud , because by bullock ne'r withstood ; though arm'd with all thy clevers , knives , and axes made to hew down lives ; shall save or help thee to evade the hand of justice , or this blade which i her sword-bearer do carry , for civil deed and military . nor shall these words of venom base , which thou hast from their native place , thy stomack , pump'd to fling on me , go unreveng'd , though i am free . thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em , like tainted beef , and pay dear for ' em . nor shall it e're be said , that weight with gantlet blew and bases white , and round blunt dudgeon by his side , so great a man at arms defy'd with words far bitterer than wormwood , that would in job or grizel stir mood . dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal ; but men with hands , as thou shalt feel . this said , with hasty rage he snatch'd ; his gun-shot , that in holsters watch'd ; and bending cock , he level'd full against th' outside of talgol's skull ; vowing that he should ne'r stir further , nor henceforth cow or bullock murther . but pallas came in shape of rust , and 'twixt the spring and hammer thrust her gorgon-shield , which made the cock stand stiff as if 't were turn'd t' a stock . mean while fierce talgol gath'ring might , with rugged truncheon charg'd the knight . and he his rusty pistol held to take the blow on , like a shield ; the gun recoyl'd , as well it might , not us'd to such a kind of fight , and shrunk from its great master's gripe , knock'd down and stunn'd with mortal stripe . than hudibras with furious haste drew out his sword ; yet not so fast , but talgol first with hardy thwack twice bruis'd his head , and twice his back . but when his nut-brown sword was out , couragiously he laid about , imprinting many a wound upon his mortal foe the truncheon . the trusty cudgel did oppose it self against dead-doing blows , to guard its leader from fell bane , and then reveng'd it self again . and though the sword ( some understood ) in force had much the odds of wood ; 't was nothing so , both sides were ballanc't so equal , none knew which was valiant'st . for wood with honor b'ng engag'd , is so implacably enrag'd , though iron hew and mangle sore , wood wounds and bruises honor more . and now both knights were out of breath , tir'd in the hot pursuit of death ; while all the rest amaz'd stood still , expecting which would take , or kill . this hudibras observ'd , and fretting conquest should be so long a getting , he drew up all his force into one body , and that into one blow . but talgol wisely avoided it by cunning slight ; for had it hit , the upper part of him the blow had slit , as sure as that below . mean while th' incomparable colon , to aid his friend began to fall on , him ralph encountred , and straight grew a fierce dispute betwixt them two : th' one arm'd with metal , th' other with wood ; this fit for bruise , and that for bloud . with many a stiff thwack , many a bang , hard crab-tree and old iron rang ; while none that saw them could divine to which side conquest would encline : untill magnano , who did envy that two should with so many men vye , by subtle stratagem of brain perform'd what force could ne'r attain , for he , by foul hap having found where thistles grew on barren ground , in haste he drew his weapon out and having crop'd them from the root he clapp'd them under th' horses tail with prickles sharper than a nail the angry beast did straight resent the wrong done to his fundament , begun to kick , and fling , and wince , as if h 'had been beside his sense , striving to disingage from smart , and raging pain , th' afflicted part ; instead of which he threw the pack of squire and baggage from his back ; and blundring still with smarting rump , he gave the champions steed a thump , that staggar'd him . the knight did stoop and sate on further side aslope . this talgol viewing , who had now by flight escap'd the fatal blow , he rally'd , and again fell to 't ; for catching him by nearer foot , he lifted with such might and strength , as would have hurl'd him thrice his length , and dash'd his brains ( if any ) out . but mars that still protects the stout , in pudding-time came to his aid , and under him the bear convey'd ; the bear , upon whose soft fur-gown the knight with all his weight fell down . the friendly rug preserv'd the ground , and headlong knight from bruise or wound , like feather-bed betwixt a wall , and heavy brunt of cannon-ball . as sancho on a blanket fell , and had no hurt ; ours far'd as well in body , though his mighty spirit , b'ing heavy , did not so well bear it . the bear was in a greater fright , beat down and worsted by the knight . he roar'd , and rag'd , and flung about , to shake off bondage from his snout . his wrath enflam'd boil'd o'r , and from his jaws of death he threw the fome . fury in stranger postures threw him , and more , than ever herauld drew him . he tore the earth , which he had sav'd from squelch of knight , and storm'd and rav'd ; and vext the more , because the harms he felt were ' gainst the law of arms : for men he always took to be his friends , and dogs the enemy : who never so much hurt had done him , as his own side did falling on him . it griev'd him to the guts , that they for whom h 'had faught so many a fray , and serv'd with loss of bloud so long , should offer such inhumane wrong ; wrong of unsouldier-like condition : for which he flung down his commission , and laid about him , till his nose from thrall of ring and cord broke loose . soon as he felt himself enlarg'd , through thickest of his foes he charg'd , and made way through th' amazed crew , some he o're-ran , and some o're threw . but took none ; for by hasty flight he strove t' avoid the conquering knight , from whom he fled with as much haste and dread as he the rabble chac'd . in haste he fled , and so did they , each and his fear a sev'ral way . crowdero only kept the field , not stirring from the place he held , though beaten down and wounded sore i' th' fiddle , and a leg that bore one side of him , not that of bone , but mutch its betters , th' wooden one . he spying hudibras lye strow'd upon the ground , like log of wood , with fright of fall supposed wound , and loss of urine , in a swound , in haste he snatch'd the wooden limb that hurt in th' anckle lay by him , and fitting it for sudden fight , straight drew it up , t' attack the knight . for getting up on stump and huckle , he with the foe began to buckle , vowing to be reveng'd for breach of crowd and shin upon the wretch , sole author of all detriment he and his fiddle underwent . but ralpho ( who had now begun t' adventure resurrection from heavy squelch , and had got up upon his legs with sprained crup ) looking about beheld the bard to charge the knight intranc'd prepar'd , he snatch'd his whiniard up , that fled when he was falling off his steed , ( as rats do from a falling house , ) to hide it self from rage of blows ; and wing'd with speed and fury , flew to rescue knight from black and blew . which e're he could atchieve , his sconce the leg encounter'd twice and once ; and now 't was rais'd , to smite agen , when ralpho thrust himself between . he took the blow upon his arm , to shield the knight from further harm , and joyning wrath with force , bestow'd on th' wooden member such a load , that down it fell , and with it bore crowdero , whom it propp'd before . to him the squire right nimbly run , and setting his bold foot upon his trunk , thus spoke : what desp'rate frenzi● made thee , ( thou whelp of sin ) to fancy thy self and all that coward rabble t' encounter us in battle able ? how durst th' , i say , oppose thy curship gainst arms , authority and worship ? and hudibras , or me provoke , though all thy limbs were heart of oke , and th' other half of thee as good to bear out blows as that of wood ? could not the whipping-post prevail with all its rhet'rick , nor the gaol , to keep from flaying scourge thy skin , and ankle free from iron gin ? which now thou shalt — but first our care must see how hudibras doth fair . this said , he gently rais'd the knight , and set him on his bum upright : to rouze him from lethargick dump , he tweak'd his nose with gentle thump , knock'd on his breast , as if 't had been to raise the spirits lodg'd within . they wakened with the noise , did fly from inward room to window eye , and gently op'ning lid , the casement , lookt out , but yet with some amazement . this gladded ralpho much to see , who thus bespoke the knight : quoth he , tweaking his noise , you are , great sir , a self-denying conqueror ; as high , victorious and great , as e'r fought for the churches yet , if you will give your self but leave to make out what y' already have ; that 's victory , the foe , for dread of your nine-worthiness , is fled , all save crowdero , for whose sake you did th' espous'd cause undertake : and he lies pris'ner at your feet , to be dispos'd as you think meet , either for life , or death , or sale , the gallows , or perpetual jayl . for one wink of your pow'rful eye must sentence him to live , or dye . his fiddle is your proper purchace , won in the service of the churches ; and by your doom must be allow'd to be , or be no more , a crowd . for though success did not confer just title on the conquerer ; though dispensations were not strong conclusions whether right or wrong ; although out goings did not confirm , and owning were but a meer term : yet as the wicked have no right to th' creature , though usurp'd by might , the property is in the saint , from whom th' injuriously detain't ; of him they hold their luxuries , their dogs , their horses , whores and dice , their riots , revels , masks , delights , pimps , buffoons , fidlers , parasites : all which the saints have title to , and ought t' enjoy , if th' had their due . what we take from them is no more than what was ours by right before . for we are their true landlords still , and they our tenants but at will. at this the knight begun to rouse , and by degrees grow valorous . he star'd about , and seeing none of all his foes remain but one , he snatch'd his weapon that lay near him , and from the ground began to rear him ; vowing to make crowdero pay for all the rest that ran away . but ralpho now in colder blood , his fury mildly thus withstood : great sir , quoth he , your mighty spirit is rais'd too high , this s●ve does merit to be the hangman's bus'ness , sooner than from your hand to have the honor of his destruction . i that am so much below in deed and name , did scorn to hurt his forfeit carcass , or ill intreat his fiddle or case . will you , great sir , that glory blot in cold bloud , which you gain'd in hot ? will you employ your conqu'ring sword , to break a fiddle and your word ? for though i fought , and overcame , and quarter gave , 't was in your name . for great commanders always own what 's prosperous by the soldier done . to save , where you have pow'r to kill , argues your pow'r above your will ; and that your will and pow'r have less than both might have of selfishness . this pow'r which now alive with dread he trembles at , if he were dead , would no more keep the slave in awe than if you were a knight of straw : for death would then be his conqueror , not you , and free him from that terror . if danger from his life accrue , or honor from his death to you ; 't were policy , and honor too , to do as you resolv'd to do , but , sir , 't would wrong your valour much , to say it needs or fears a crutch . great conquerors greater glory gain by foes in triumph led , than slain : the lawrels that adorn their brows are pull'd from living , not dead boughs , and living foes the greatest fame of cripple slain can be but lame . one half of him 's already slain , the other is not worth your pain , th' honor can but on one side lighr , as worship did , when y' were dub'd knight . wherefore i think it better far , to keep him prisoner of war ; and let him fast in bonds abide , at court of justice to be try'd : where if h'appear so bold or crafty , there may be danger in his safety ; if any member there dislike his face , or to his beard have pike ; or if his death will save , or yield , revenge , or fright , it is reveal'd , though he has quarter , ne'rtheless y' have pow'r to hang him when you please . this hath been often done by some of our great conquerors , you know whom : and has by most of us been held wise justice , and to some reveal'd . for words and promises that yoke the conqueror , are quickly broke , like sampson's cuffs , though by his own direction and advice put on . for if we should fight for the cause by rules of military laws , and only do what they call just , the cause would quickly fall to dust . this we among our selves may speak , but to the wicked or the weak we must be cautious to declare perfection-truths , such as these are . this said , the high outragious mettle of knight began to cool and settle . he lik'd the squire 's advice , and soon resolv'd to see the bus'ness done : and therefore charg'd him first to bind crowdero's hands on rump behind , and to its former place and use the wooden member to reduce : but force it take an oath before , ne'r to bear arms against him more . ralpho dispatch'd with speedy haste , and having ty'd crowdero fast , he gave sir knight the end of cord , to lead the captive of his sword in triumph while the steeds he caught , and them to further service brought . the squire in state rode on before , and on his nut-brown whiniard bore the trophee - fiddle and the case , plac'd on his shoulder like a mace. the knight himself did after ride , leading crowdero by his side , and tow'd him , if he lagg'd behind , like boat against the tide and wind. thus grave and solemn they march on , until quite through the town th' had gone at further end of which their stands an ancient castle , that commands th' adjacent parts ; in all the fabrick , you shall not see one stone nor a brick , but all of wood , by powr'ful spell of magick made impregnable ; there 's neither iron-bar , nor gate , port-cullis , chain , nor bolt , not grate : and yet men durance there abide , in dungeon scarce three inches wide ; with roof so low , that under it they never stand , but lye , or sit ; and yet so foul , that who so is in , is to the middle-leg in prison , in circle magical confin'd , with walls of subtle air and wind , which none are able to break thorough , until th' are freed by head of borough . thither arriv'd th' advent'rous knight and bold squire from their steeds alight , at th' outward wall , near which there stands a bastile , built t' imprison hands ; by strange enchantment made to fetter the lesser parts , and free the greater . for though the body may creep through , the hands in grate are fast enough . ●nd when a circle 'bout the wrist 〈◊〉 made by beadle exorcist , the body feels the spur and switch , as if 't were ridden post by ' witch at twenty miles an hour pace , and yet ne'r stirs out of the place . on top of this there is a spire , on which sir knight first bids the squire the fiddle , and its spoils , the case , ●n manner of a trophee , place . that done , they ope the trap-dore-gate , and let crowdero down thereat . crowd ro making dolefule face , like hermit poor in pensive place , to dungeon they the wretch commit , and the survivor of his feet : but th' other that had broke the peace , and head of knighthood , they release , though a delinquent false and forged , yet b'ing a stranger , he 's enlarged ; while his comrade that did no hurt , is clapt up fast in prison for 't . so justice , while she winks at crimes , stumbles on innocence sometimes . the argument of the third canto . the scatter'd rout return and rally , surround the place ; the knight does sally , and is made pris'ner : then they seize th' inchanted fort by storm , release crowdero , and put the squire in 's place . i should have first said , hudibras . canto iii. ay me what perils do inviron the man that medles with cold iron ! what plaguy mischiefs and mishaps do dog him still with after-claps ! for though dame fortune seem to smile and leer upon him for a while ; she 'l after shew him , in the nick of all his glories , a dog-trick . this any man may sing or say i' th' ditty call'd , what if a day . for hudibras , who thought h' had won the field as certain as a gun , and having routed the whole troop , with victory was cock-a-hoop ; think h' had done enough to purchase thanksgiving-day among the churches , wherein his mettle and brave worth might be explain'd by holder-forth , and register'd by fame eternal , in deathless pages of diurnal ; found in few minutes to his cost , he did but count without his host ; and that a turn-stile is more certain , than in events of war dame fortune . for now the late faint-hearted rout o'rethrown and scatter'd round about , chac'd by the horror of their fear from bloudy fray of knight and bear , ( all but the dogs who in pursuit , of the knight's victory stood to 't , and most ignobly sought to get the honor of his bloud and sweat ) seeing the coast was free and clear o' th' conquer'd and the conquerer , took heart again , and fac'd about , as if they meant to stand it out : for now the half-defeated bear attack'd by th' enemy i' th' rear , finding their number grew too great for him to make a safe retreat , like a bold chieftain fac'd about ; but wisely doubting to hold out , gave way to fortune , and with haste fac'd the proud foe , and fled , and fac'd , retiring still , until he found h 'had got th' advantage of the ground ; and then as valiantly made head , to check the foe , and forthwith fled ; leaving no art untry'd , nor trick of warrior stout and polyti●k . until in spight of hot pursuit , he gain'd a pass , to hold dispute on better terms , and stop the course of the proud foe . with all his force he bravely charg'd , and for a while forc'd their whole body to recoil : but still their numbers so increast he found himself at length opprest , and all evasions so uncertain . to save himself for better fortune , that he resolv'd , rather than yield , to die with honor in the field , and sell his hide and carcass at a price as high and desperate as e're he could . this resolution he forthwith put in execution , and bravely threw himself among the enemy i' th' greatest throng . but what could single valour do against so numerous a foe ? yet much he did , indeed too much to be believ'd , where th' odds was such : but one against a multitude , ●s more than mortal can make good . ●or while one party he oppos'd , ●is rear was suddainly enclos'd , and no room left him for retreat , or fight against a foe so great . for now the mastives charging home to blows and handy-gripes were come ; while manfully himself he bore , and setting his right-foot before , he rais'd himself , to shew how tall his person was , above them all . this equal shame and envy stirr'd in th' enemy , that one should beard so many warriors and so stout as he had done , and stand it out , disdaining to lay down his arms , and yield on honourable terms . enraged thus some in the rear attack'd him , and some ev'ry where till down he fell , yet falling fought , and being down still laid about ; as widdrington i● doleful dumps is said to fight upon his stumps . but all , alass ! had been in vain , and he inevitably slain , if trulla and cerdon in the nick to rescue him had not been quick . for trulla , who was light of foot , as shafts which long-field parthians shoot ( but not so light as to be born upon the ears of standing corn , or tript it o're the water quicker than witches when their staves they liquor , as some report ) was got among the foremost of the martial throng ; where pittying the vanquisht bear , she call'd to cerdon , who stood near viewing the bloudy fight , to whom shall we ( quoth she ) stand still hum drum , and see stout bruin all alone by numbers basely overthrown ? such feats already h' has atchiev'd , in story not to be believ'd : and 't would to us be shame enough , not to attempt to fetch him off . i would ( quoth he ) venture a limb to second thee , and rescue him : but then we must about it straight , or else our aid will come too late . quarter he scorns , he is so stout , and therefore cannot long hold out . this said they wav'd their weapons round about their heads , to clear the ground ; and joyning forces laid about so fiercely , that th' amazed rout turn'd tail again , and straight begun , as if the devil drove , to run . mean while th' approach'd the place where bruin was now engag'd to mortal ruine : the conquering foe they soon assail'd ; first trulla stav'd , and cerdon tail'd , until their mastives loos'd their hold : and yet , alass ! do what they could , the worsted bear came off with store of bloudy wounds , but all before . for as achilles dipt in pond , was anabaptiz'd free from wound , made proof against deed-doing steel all over but the pagan heel : so did our champion's arms defend all of him but the other end , his head and ears , which in the martial encounter lost a leathern parcel , for as an austrian archduke once had one ear ( which in ducatoons is half the coyn ) in battel par'd close to his head ; so bruin far'd : but tugg'd and pull'd on th' other side , like scrivener newly crucify'd ; or like the late-corrected leathern ears of the circumcised brethren . but gentle trulla into th' ring he wore in 's nose convey'd a string , with which she marcht before , and led the warrior to a grassy bed , as authors write , in a cool shade , which eglentine and roses made , close by a softly-murm'ring stream where lovers us'd to loll and dream . there leaving him to his repose , secured from pursuit of foes , and wanting nothing but a song , and a well-tun'd theorbo hung upon a bough , to ease the pain his tugg'd ears suffer'd , with a strain . they both drew up , to march in quest of his great leader , and the rest . for orsin ( who was more renown'd for stout maintaining of his ground in standing fights than for pursuit , as being not so quick of foot ) was not long able to keep pace with others that pursu'd the chace , but found himself left far behind , both out of heart and out of wind ; griev'd to behold his bear pursu'd so basely by a multitude , and like to fall , not by the prowess , but numbers of his coward foes . he rag'd and kept as heavy a coil as stout hercules for loss of hylas , forcing the vallies to repeat the accents of his sad regret . he beat his breast , and tore his hair , for loss of his dear crony bear : that eccho from the hollow ground his doleful wailings did resound more wistfully , by many times , than in small poets splay-foot rimes , that make her , in their ruthful stories , to answer to inter'gatories , and most unconscionably depose to things of which she nothing knows : and when she has said all she can say , 't is wrested to the lover's fancy . quoth he , o whether , wicked bruin , art thou fled to my — eccho , ruine ? i thought th' hadst scorn'd to budge a step , for fear . ( quoth eccho ) marryguep . am not i here to take thy part ? then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart ? have these bones ratled , and this head so often in thy quarrel bled ? nor did i ever winch or grudge it , for thy dear sake . ( quoth she ) mum budget , think'st thou 't will not be laid i' th' dish , thou turn'dst thy back ? quoth eccho , pish . to run from those th' hadst overcome thus cowardly ? quoth eccho , mum. but what a-vengeance makes thee fly from me too , as thine enemy ? or if thou hast no thought of me nor what i have endur'd for thee , yet shame and honor might prevail to keep thee thus from turning tail : for who would grutch to spend his bloud in his honors cause ? quoth she , a puddin . this said , his grief to anger turn'd , which in his manly stomach burn'd ; thirst of revenge and wrath , in place of sorrow , now began to blaze . he vow'd the authors of his woe should equal vengeance undergo ; and with their bones and flesh pay dear for what he suffer'd and his bear. this b'ing resolv'd , with equal speed and rage he hasted to proceed to action straight , and giving o're to search for bruin any more , he went in quest of hudibras , to find him out , where e're he was : and if he were above ground , vow'd he 'd ferret him , lurk where he wou'd . but scarce had he a furlong on this resolute adventure gone , when he encounter'd with that crew whom hudibras did late subdue . honor , revenge , contempt and shame , did equally their breasts enflame . 'mong these the fierce magnano was , and talgol foe to hudibras ; cerdon and colon , warriors stout and resolute as ever fought : whom furious orsin thus bespoke , shall we ( quoth he ) thus basely brook the vile affront , that paultry ass and feeble scoundrel hudibras , with that more paultry ragamuffin ralpho , with vapouring and huffing have put upon us , like tame cattel ? as if th' had routed us in battel ? for my part , it shall ne'r be sed , i for the washing gave my head : nor did i turn my back for fear of them , but losing of my bear , which now i 'm like to undergo ; for whether these fell wounds , or no , he has receiv'd in fight are mortal , is more than all my skin can foretel , nor do i know what is become of him , more than the pope of rome . but if i can but find them out that caus'd it , ( as i shall no doubt , where e're th' in hugger-mugger lurk ) ●le make them rue their handy-work ; and wish that they had rather dar'd , to pull the devil by the beard . quoth cerdon , noble orsin th' hast great reason to do as thou say'st , and so has ev'ry body here as well as thou hast or thy bear. others may do as they see good ; but if this twig be made of wood that will hold tack , i 'le make the fur fly 'bout the ears of that old cur , and th' other mungrel vermin , ralph , that brav'd us all in his behalf . thy bear is safe and out of peril , though lugg'd indeed , and wounded very ill . my self and trulla made a shift to help him out at a dead lift ; and having brought him bravely off , have left him where he 's safe enough . there let him rest ; for if we stay , the slaves may hap to get away . this said , they all engag'd to joyn their forces in the same design : and forthwith put themselves in search of hudibras upon their march . where leave we them a while , to tell what the victorious knight befell : for such , crowdero being fast in dungeon shut , we left him last . triumphant laurels seem'd to grow no where so green as on his brow : laden with which , as well as fir'd with conquering toil , he now retir'd unto a neighb'●ing castle by , to rest his body , and apply fit med'cines to each glorious bruise he got in fight , reds , blacks , and blews ; to mollify th' uneasie pang of ev'ry honourable bang . which b'ing by skilful midwife drest , he laid him down to take his rest . but all in vain ; h 'had got a h●rt o' th' inside , of a deadlier sort , by cupid made , who took his stand upon a widows joynture-land , ( for he , in all his amorous battels , no ' dvantage finds like goods and chattels ) drew home his bow , and aiming right , let fly an arrow at the knight ; the shaft against a rib did glance , and gall him in the purtenance . but time had somewhat swag'd his pain , after he found his suit in vain . for that proud dame , for whom his soul was burnt in 's belly like a coal , ( that belly that so oft did ake and suffer griping for her sake , till purging comfits and ants eggs had almost brought him off his legs ) us'd him so like a base rascallion , that old pyg● ( what d'y ' call him ? ) malio . that cut his mistress out of stone , had not so hard-a-hearted one . she had a thousand jadish tricks , worse than a mule that flings and kicks : 'mong which one cross-grain'd freak she had , as insolent as strange and mad : she could love none but only such as scorn'd and hated her as much . 't was a strange riddle of a lady ; not love , if any lov'd her , ha day ! so cowards never use their might , but against such as will not fight , so some diseases have been found only to seize upon the sound . he that gets her by heart must say her the back-way , like a witche's prayer . mean while the knight had no small task , to compass what he durst not ask . he loves , but dares not make the motion ; her ignorance is his devotion . like caitiff vile , that for misdeed rides with his face to rump of steed , or rowing scull , he 's fain to love , look one way , and another move ; or like a tumbler that does play his game , and look another way , until he seize upon the coney : just so does he by matrimony . but all in vain : her subtle snout did quickly wind his meaning out ; which she return'd with too much scorn , to be by man of honor born . yet much he bore , until the distress he suffer'd from his spightful mistress did stir his stomack , and the pain he had endur'd from her disdain turn'd to regret , so resolute that he resolv'd to wave his suit , and either to renounce her quite , or for a while play least in sight . this resolution b'ing put on , he kept some months , and more had done ; but being brought so nigh by fate , the victory he atchiev'd so late did set this thoughts agog , and ope a door to discontinu'd hope , that seem'd to promise he might win his dame too now his hand was in ; and that his valour and the honor h 'had newly gain'd might work upon her , these reasons made his mouth to water with amorous longings to be at her . thought he unto himself , who knows but this brave conquest o're my foes may reach her heart , and make that stoop , as i but now have forc'd the troop ? if nothing can oppugne love , and vertue invious ways can prove , what may not he confide to do that brings both love and vertue too ? but thou bring'st valour too and wit , two things that seldom fail to hit . valour 's a mouse-trap , wit a gin , which women oft are taken in . then , hudibras , why shouldst thou fear to be , that art a conquerer ? fortune th' audacious doth juvare , but lets the timidous miscarry . then while the honor thou hast got is spick and span-new , piping hot , strike her up bravely thou hadst best , and trust thy fortune with the rest . such thoughts as these the knight did keep , more than his bangs or fleas , from sleep . and as an owl that in a barn sees a mouse creeping in the corn , sits still , and shuts his round blew eyes , as if he slept , until he spies the little beast within his reach , then starts , and seizes on the wretch : so from his couch the knight did start , to seize upon the widow's heart ; crying with hasty tone and hoarse , ralpho , dispatch , to horse , to horse , and 't was but time , for now the rout we left engag'd to seek him out , by speedy marches were advanc'd up to the fort where he ensconc'd , and had all th' avenues possest about the place , from east to west . that done , awhile they made a halt , to vi●w the ground , and where t' assault : then call'd a council , which was best , by siege or onslaught , to invest the enemy : and 't was agreed , by storm and onslaught to proceed ▪ this b'ing resolv'd , in comely sort , they now drew up t' attack the fort. when hudibras , about to enter upon another gate 's adventure , to ralpho call'd aloud to arm , not dreaming of approaching storm whether dame fortune , or the care of angel bad , or tutelar , did arm , or thrust him on a danger , to which he was an utter stranger ; that foresight might , or might not blot the glory he had newly got ; or to his shame it might be sed , they took him napping in his bed : to them we leave it to expound , that deal in sciences profound . his courser scarce he had bestrid , and ralpho that on which he rid , when setting ope the postern gate , to take the field and sally at , the foe appear'd , drawn up and drill'd , ready to charge them in the field . this somewhat startled the bold knight , surpriz'd with th' unexpected sight . the bruises of his bones and flesh he thought began to smart afresh : till recollecting wonted courage , his fear was soon converted to rage . and thus he spoke : the coward foe , whom we but now gave quarter to , look , yonder 's rally'd , and appears , as if they had outrun their fears . the glory we did lately get , the fates command us to repeat . and to their wills we must succumb , quocunque trahunt , 't is our doom . this is the same numerick crew which we so lately did subdue , the salf-same individuals that did run , as mice do from a cat , when we couragiously did wield our martial weapons in the field , to tug for victory : and when we shall our shining blades agen brandish in terror o're our heads , they 'l straight resume their wonted dreads , fear is an ague , that forsakes and haunts by fits those whom it takes . and they 'l opine they feel the pain and blows , they felt to day , again . then let us boldly charge them home , and m●ke no doubt to overcome . this said , his courage to enflame , he call'd upon his mistress name . his pistol next he cockt anew , and out his nut-brown whiniard drew . and placing ralpho in the front reserv'd himself to bear the burnt ; as expert warriors use : then ply'd with iron heel his courser's side , conveying sympathetick speed from heel of knight to heel of steed . mean while the foe with equal rage and speed advancing to engage , both parties now were drawn so close , almost to come to handiblows . when orsin first let fly a stone at ralpho ; not so huge a one as that which diomed did maul aeneas on the bum withal : yet big enough , if rightly hurl'd , t' have sent him to another world ; whether above-ground , or below , which saints twice dipt are destin'ct to . the danger startled the bold squire , and made him some few steps retire . but hudibras advanc'd to 's aid , and rouz'd his spirits half dismayd . he , wisely doubting lest the shot of th' enemy now growing hot , might at a distance gall , prest close , to come , pell-mell , to handiblows : and that he might their aim decline , advanc'd still in an oblique line ; but prudently forbore to fire , till breast to breast he had got nigher : as expert warriors use to do , when hand to hand they charge the foe . this order the advent'rous knight most soldier-like observ'd in fight : when fortune ( as she 's wont ) turn'd fickle and for the foe began to stickle . the more shame for her goody-ship , to give so near a friend the slip . for colon chusing out a stone , levell'd so right , it thumpt upon his manly panch with such a force , as almost beat him off his horse . he loos'd his weapon , and the reyn ; but laying fast hold on the mane , preserv'd his seat : and as a goose in death contracts his talons loose ; so did the knight , and with one claw the tricker of his pistol draw . the gun went off : and as it was still fatal to stout hudibras , in all his feats of arms , when least he dreamt of it , to prosper best ; so now he far'd ▪ the shot let fly at randome 'mong the enemy , pierc'd talgol's gabberdine , and grazing upon his shoulder , in the passing lodg'd in magnano's brass habergeon , who straight a surgeon cry'd a surgeon ! he tumbled down and as he fell did murther , murther , murther , yell . this startled their whole body so , that if the knight had not let go his arms , but been in warlike plight , h 'had won ( the second time ) the fight . as if the squire had but faln on , he had inevitably done : but he , diverted with the care of hudibras his wound , forbare to press th' advantage of his fortune , while danger did the rest dishearten . he had with cerdon been engag'd in close encounter , which both wag'd so desp'rately , 't was hard to say which side was like to get the day . and now the busy work of death had tir'd them so , th' agreed to breath , preparing to renew the fight ; when th' hard th' disaster of the knight and th' other party did divert and force their sullen rage to part ralpho prest up to hudibras , and cerdon where magnano was ; each striving to confirm his party with stout encouragements and hearty . quoth ralpho , courage , valiant sir , and let revenge and honor stir your spirits up , once more fall on , the shatter'd foe begins to run : for if but half so well you knew to use your victory as subdue , they durst not , after such a blow as you have giv'n them , face us now ; but from so formidable a soldier had fled like crows when they smell powder . thrice have they seen your sword aloft wav'd o're their heads , and fled as oft . but if you let them recollect their spirits , now dismay'd and checkt , yo●'l have a harder game to play , then yet y' have had to get the day . thus spoke the stout squire ; but was heard by hudibras with small regard . his thoughts were fuller of the bang he lately took , then ralph's harangue ; to which he answer'd , cruel fate tells me thy counsel comes too late . the knotted bloud within my hose , that from my wounded body flows , with mortal crisis doth portend my days to appropinque an end . i am for action now unfit , either of fortitude or wit. fortune my foe begins to frown , resolv'd to pull my stomack down . i am not apt upon a wound , or trivial basting , to despond : yet i 'de be loath my days to curtal . for if i thought my wounds not mortal , or that we 'd time enough as yet to make an honorable retreat , 't were the best course : but if they find we fly , and leave our arms behind for them to seize on , the dishonor and danger too is such , i l'e sooner stand to it boldly , and take quarter , to let them see i am no starter . in all the trade of war , no feat is nobler than a brave retreat . for those that run away , and fly , take place at least of th' enemy this said , the squire with active speed dismounted from his bony steed , to seize the arms which by mischance fell from the bold knight in a trance . these being found out , and restor'd to hudibras , their natural lord , the active squire with might and main prepar'd in haste to mount again . thrice he assay'd to mount aloft ; but by his weighty bum as oft he was pull'd back : till having found th' advantage of the rising ground , thither he led his warlike steed , and having plac'd him right , with speed prepar'd again to scale the beast . when orsin , who had newly drest the bloudy scar upon the shoulder of talgol with promethean powder , and now was searching for the shot that laid magnano on the spot , beheld the sturdy squire aforesaid preparing to climb up his horse side . he left his cure , and laying hold upon his arms with courage bold cry'd out , 't is now no time to dally , the enemy begins to rally : let us that are unhurt and whole fall on , and happy man be 's dole . this said , like to a thunderbolt he flew with fury to th' assault , striving the enemy to attack before he reacht his horse's back . ralpho was mounted now , and gotten o'rethwart his beast with active vauting , wrigling his body to recover his seat , and cast his right leg over ; when orsin rushing in , bestow'd on horse and man so heavy a load , the beast was startled , and begun to kick and fling like mad , and run , bearing the tough squire like a sack , or stout king richard , on his back : till stumbling , he threw him down , sore bruis'd , and cast into a swound . mean while the knight began to rowse the sparkles of his wanted prowess ; he thrust his hand into his hose , and found both by his eyes and nose , 't was only choler , and not bloud , that from his wounded body flow'd . this , with the hazard of the squire , inflam'd him with despightful ire ; courageously he fac'd about , and drew his other pistol out , and now had half-way bent the cock , when cerdon gave so fierce a shock , with sturdy truncheon , thwart his arm that down it fell , and did no harm ; then stoutly pressing on with speed , assay'd to pull him off his steed . the knight his sword had only left , with which he cerdon's head had cleft , or at the least cropt off a limb , but orsin came and rescu'd him . he with his launce attack'd the knight upon his quarters opposite . but as a bark that in foul weather , toss'd by two adverse winds together , is bruis'd and beaten to and fro , and knows not which to turn him to : so far'd the knight between two foes , and knew not which of them t' oppose . till orsin charging with his launce at hudibras , by spightful chance hit cerdon such a bang , as stunn'd and laid him flat upon the ground . at this the knight began to chear up , and raising up himself on stirrup , cry'd out victoria ; lie thou there , and i shall straight dispatch another , to bear thee company in death : but first i 'le halt awhile and breath . as well he might : for orsin griev'd at th' wound that cerdon had receiv'd , ran to relieve him with his lore , and cure the hurt he made before . mean while the knight had wheel'd about , to breath himself , and next find out th' advantage of the ground , where best he might the ruffled foe infest . this b'ing resolv'd , he spurr'd his steed , to run at orsin with full speed , while he was busy in the care of cerdon's wound , and unaware : but he was quick , and had already unto the part apply'd remedy ; and seeing th' enemy prepar'd , drew up , and stood upon his guard . then like a warrior right expert and skilful in the martial art , the subtle knight streight made a halt , and judg'd it best to stay th' assault , until he had reliev'd the squire , and then ( in order ) to retire ; or , as occasion should invite , with forces joyn'd renew the fight . ralpho by this time disentr●nc'd , upon his bum himself advanc'd , thoug● sorely bruis'd ; his limbs all o're with ●uthless bangs were stiff and sore . r●ght fain he would have got upon his f●et again , to get him gone ; when hudibras to aid him came . q●oth he , ( and call'd him by his name ) courage , the day at length is ours , and we once more as conquerours , have both the field and honor won , the foe is profligate and run , i mean all such as can , for some this hand hath sent to their long home ; and some lye sprauling on the ground , with many a gash and bloudy wound . caesar himself could never say he got two victories in a day ; as i have done , that can say , twice i in one day , veni , vidi , vici . the foe 's so numerous , that we cannot so often vincere as they perire , and yet enough be left to strike an after-blow . then lest they rally , and once more put us to fight the bus'ness o're , get up , and mount thy steed , dispatch , and let us both their motions watch . quoth ralph , i should not , if i were in case for action , now be here ; nor have i turn'd my back , or hang'd an arse , for fear of being bang'd : ●t was for you i got these harms , ●dvent'ring to fetch off your arme. the blows and drubs i have receiv'd , have bruis'd my body , and bereav'd my limbs of strength : unless you stoop , and reach your hand to pull me up , 〈◊〉 shall lie here , and be a prey to those who now are run away . that shalt thou not ( quoth hudibras : ) we read , the ancients held it was more honorable far servare civem , than slay an adversary . the one we oft to day have done ; the other shall dispatch anon . and though th' art of a diff'rent church , i will not leave thee in the lurch . this said , he jogg'd his good steed nigher , and steer'd him gently toward the squire : then bowing down his body stretcht his hand out , and at ralpho reacht ; when trulla , whom he did not mind , charg'd him like lightening behind . she had been long in search about magnano's wound , to find it out : but could find none , nor where the shot that had so startled him was got . but having found the worst was past , she fell to her own work at last the pillage of the prisoners , which all in feat of arms was hers : and now to plunder ralph she flew , when hudibras his hard fate drew to succor him ; for as he bow'd to help him up , she laid a load of blows so heavy , and plac'd so well , on th' other side , that down he fell . yield scoundrel base , ( quoth she ) or dye ; thy life is mine and liberty . but if thou think'st i took thee tardy , and dar'st presume to be so hardy , to try thy fortune o're a fresh , i 'le wave my title to thy flesh , thy arms and baggage , now my right : and if thou hast the heart to try 't , i 'le lend the back thy self awhile and once more for that carcass vile . fight upon tick — quoth hudibras , thou offer'st nobly , valiant lass , and i shall take thee at thy word . first let me rise , and take my sword ; that sword which has so oft this day through squadrons of my foes made way and some to other world 's dispatcht , now with a feeble spinster matcht , will blush with bloud ignoble stain'd , by which no honor's to be gain'd . but if thou 'lt take m' advice in this , consider while thou may'st , what 't is to interrupt a victor's course , b' opposing such a trivial force . for if with conquest i come off , ( and that i shall do sure enough ) quarter thou canst not have , nor grace , by law of arms , in such a case ; both which i now do offer freely . i scorn ( quoth she ) thou coxcomb silly , ( clapping her hand upon her breech , to shew how much she priz'd his speech ) quarter or counsel from a foe : if thou canst force me to it , do . but lest it should again be sed , when i have once more won thy head , i took thee napping unprepar'd , arm , and betake thee to thy guard this said , she to her tackle fell , and on the knight let fall a peal of blows so fierce , and prest so home , that he retir'd and follow'd's bum . stand to 't ( quoth she ) or yield to mercy it is not fighting arsie-versie shall serve thy turn — this stirr'd his spleen more than the danger he was in , the blows he felt , or was to feel , although th' already made him reel . honor , despight , revenge and shame , at once unto his stomack came ; which fir'd it so , he rais'd his arm above his head , and rain'd a storm of blows so terrible and thick , as if he meant to hash her quick . but she upon her truncheon took them , and by oblique diversion broke them ; waiting an opportunity to pay all back with usury : which long she fail'd not of , for now the knight with one dead-doing blow resolving to decide the fight , and she with quick and cunning slight avoiding it , the force and weight he charg'd upon it was so great , as almost sway'd him to the ground . no sooner she th' advantage found , but in she flew , and seconding with home-made thrust the heavy swing , she laid him flat upon his side , and mounting on his trunk a-stride , quoth she , i told thee what would come of all thy vapouring , base scum. say , will the law of arms allow i may have grace , and quarter now ? or wilt thou rather break thy word , and stain thine honor , than thy sword. a man of war to damn his soul , in basely breaking his parol . and when before the fight , th' hadst vow'd to give no quarter in cold bloud : now thou hast got me for a tartar , to make m' against my will take quarter ? why dost not put me to the sword , but cowardly fly from thy word ? quoth hudibras , the day 's thine own ; thou and thy stars have cast me down : my laurels are transplanted now , and flourish on thy conqu'●ing brow : my loss of hono●'s great enough . thou need'st not brand it with a scoff : sarcasmes may eclipse thine own , but cannot blur my lost renown : i am not now in fortune's power , he that is down can fall no lower . the ancient hero's were illustrous for b'ing benigne , and not blustrous against a vanquisht foe : their swords were sharp and trencheant , not their words ; and did in fight but cut work-out t' employ their courtesies about . quoth she , although thou hast deserv'd base slubberdegullion , to be serv'd as thou didst vow to deal with me , if thou hadst got the victory ; yet i shall rather act a part that suits my fame , than thy desert . thy arms , thy liberty , beside all that 's on the outside of thy hide , are mine by military law , of which i will not bate one straw : the rest , thy life and limbs , once more , though doubly forfeit , i restore . quoth hudibras , it is too late for me to treat or stipulate ; what thou commandst i must obey : yet those whom i expugn'd to day ; of thine own party , i let go , and gave them life and freedom too , both dogs and bear , upon their parol , whom i took pris'ners in this quarrel . quoth trulla , whether thou or they let one another run away , concerns not me ; but was 't not thou that gave crowdero quarter too ? crowdero , whom in irons bound , thou basely threw'st into lob's pound , where still he lies , and with regret his generous bowels rage and fret . but now thy carcass shall redeem , and serve to be exchange for him . this said , the knight did straight submit , and laid his weapons at her feet . next he disrob'd his gaberdine , and with it did himself resign . she took it , and forthwith devesting the mantle that she wore , said jesting , take that , and wear it for my sake ; then threw it o're his sturdy back . and as the french we conquer'd once , now give us laws for pantaloons , the length of breeches , and the gathers , port-cannons , perriwigs , and feathers ; just so the proud insulting lass array'd and dighted hudibras . mean while the other champions , yerst in hurry of the fight disperst . arriv'd , when trulla'd won the day , to share in th' honor and the prey , and out of hudibras his hide with vengeance to be satisfy'd ; which now they were about to pour upon him in a wooden showr . but trulla thrust her self between , and striding o're his back agen , she brandisht o're her head his sword , and vow'd they should not break her word ; sh' had given him quarter , and her bloud or theirs would make their quarter good . for she was bound by law of arms , to see him safe from further harms . in dungeon deep crowdero cast by hudibras as yet lay fast , where to the hard and ruthless stones his great heart made perpetual mones , him she resolv'd that hudibras should ransome , and supply his place . this stopt their fury , and the basting which toward hudibras was hasting . they thought it was but just and right , that what we had atchiev'd in fight , she should dispose of how she pleas'd , crowdero ought to be releas'd : nor could that any way be done so well as this she pitcht upon : for who a better could imagine ? this therefore they resolv'd t' engage in . the knight and squire first they made rise from the ground where they were laid ; then mounted both upon their horses , but with their faces to the arses , orsin led hudibras's beast , and talgol that which ralpho prest , whow stout magnano , valiant cerdon and colon waited as a guard on , all ush'ring trulla , in the reer with th' arms of either prisoner . in this proud order and array they put themselves upon their way , striving to reach th' inchanted castle , where stout crowdero in durance lay still . thither with greater speed , than shows and triumphs over conquer'd foes do use t' allow , or than the bears or pageants born before lord mayors are wont to use , they soon arriv'd , in order soldier-like contriv'd , still marching in a warlike posture , as fit for battel as for muster . the knight and squire they first unhorse , and bending ' gainst their fort their force , they all advanc'd , and round about begirt the magical redoubt . magnan ' led up in this adventure , and made way for the rest to enter . for he was skilful in black art no less than he that built the fort ; and with an iron mace laid flat a breach , which straight all enter'd at , and in the wooden dungeon found crowdero laid upon the ground . him they release from durance base , restor'd t' his fiddle and his case , and liberty , his thirsty rage with lushious vengeance to asswage . for he no sooner was at large , but trulla straight brought on her charge , and in the self same limbo put the knight and squire where he was shut . where leaving them i' th' wretched hole , their bangs and durance to condole , confin'd and conjur'd into narrow enchanted mansion , to know sorrow ; in the same order and array which they advanc'd , they marcht away . but hudibras who scorn'd to stoop to fortune , or be said to droop , chear'd up himself with ends of verse , and sayings of philosophers . quoth he , th' one half of man , his mind , is sui juris , unconfin'd , and cannot be laid by the heels , what e're the other moiety feels . 't is not restraint or liberty that makes men prisoners or free ; but perturbations that possess the mind or aequanimities . the whole world was not half so wide to alexander , when he cry'd because he had but one to subdue , as was a paultry narrow tub to diogenes , who is not sed ( for ought that ever i could read ) to whine , put finger i' th' eye , and sob because h 'had ne'r another tub. the ancients make two several kinds of prowess in heroick minds , the active and the passive valiant ; both which are pari libra gallant : for both to give blows and to carry , in fights are equinecessary ; but in defeats , the passive stout are always found to stand it out most desp'rately , and to out-doe the active , ' gainst a conqu'ring foe . though we with blacks and blews are suggil'd , or , as the vulgar say , are cudgel'd : he that is valiant , and dares fight , though drubb'd can lose no honor by 't . honor 's a lease for lives to com● , and cannot be extended from the legal tenant : 't is a chattel , not to be forfeited in battel , if he that in the field is slain , be in the bed of honor lain : he that is beaten may be sed to lye in honor's truckle-bed . for as we see th' eclipsed sun by mortals is more gaz'd upon , tahn when adorn'd with all his light he shines in serene sky most bright ; so valour in a low estate is most admir'd and wonder'd at . quoth ralph , how great i do not know we may by being beaten grow ; but none that see how here we sit , will judge us overgrown with wit. as gif●ed br●thr●n preaching by a carnal hour-glass , do imply illumination can convey into them what they have to say , but not how much ; so well enough know you to charge , but not draw off . for who without a cap and bauble , having subdu'd a bear and rabble , and might with honor have come off , would put it to a second proof ? a politick exploit , right fit for presbyterian zeal and wit. quoth hudibras , that cuckow 's tone , ralpho , thou always harp'st upon : when thou at any thing wouldst rail , thou mak's presbytery thy scale to take the height on 't and explain to what degree it is prophane . whats'ever will not with thy ( what d' ye call ) thy light jump right , thou call'st synodical . as if presbytery were a standard . to size whats'ever's to be slander'd . dost not remember how this day thou to my beard wast bold to say , that thou couldst prove bear-bai●ing equal with synods , orthodox and lega ? do if thou can'st , for i deny 't , and dare thee to 't with all thy light . quoth ralpho , truly that is no hard matter for a man to do that has but any guts in 's brains , and could believe it worth his pains . but since you dare and urge me to it , you 'l find i 've light enought to do it . synods are mystical bear-gardens , where eld●rs , deputies , churchwardens , and other members of the court manage the babylonish sport . for prolocutor , scribe , and bearward , do differ only in a mere word . both are but sev'ral synagogues of carnal men , and bears and dogs : both antichristian assemblies , to mischief bent as far 's in them lies : both stave and tail , with fierce contests , the one with men , the other beasts . the diff'rence is , the one fights with the tongue , the other with the teeth ; and that they bait but bears in this , in th' others souls and consciences ; where saints themselves are brought to stake for gospel-light and conscience sake ; expos'd to scribes and presbyters , instead of mastives dogs and curs ; than whom th' have less humanity , for these at souls of men will fly , this to the prophet did appear , who in a vision saw a bear , prefiguring the beastly rage of church-rule in this later age : as is demonstrated at full by him that baited the pope's bull. bears naturally are beasts of prey , that live by rapine , so do they , what are their orders , constitutions , church-censures , curses , absolutions , but sev'ral mystick chains they make , to tye poor christians to the stake ? and then set heathen officers , instead of dogs , about their ears . for to prohibit and dispence , to find out or to make offence , of hell and heaven to dispose , to play with souls at fast and loose ▪ to set what characters they please , and mulcts on sin or godliness ; reduce the church to gospel-order , by rapine , sacriledge , and murther ; to make presbytery supream , and kings themselves submit to them ; and force all people , though against their consciences , to turn saints , must prove a pretty thriving trade , when saints monopolists are made . when pious frauds and holy shifts are dispensations and gifts , there godliness becomes mere ware , and ev'ry synod but a fair. synods are whelps of th' inquisition , a mungrel breed of like pernicion , and growing up became the sires of scribes , commissioners , and triers ; whose bus'ness is , by cunning slight to cast a figure for mens light ; to find in lines of beard and face , the phisiognomy of grace ; and by the sound and twang of nose , if all be sound within disclose , free from a crack or flaw of sinning , as men try pipkins by the ringing . by black caps , underlaid with white , give certain guess at inward light ; which serjeants at the gospel wear , to make the spiritual calling clear . the handkerchief about the neck ( canonical crabat of smeck , from whom the institution came , when church and state they set on flame , and worn by them as badges then of spiritual warfaring men ) judge rightly if regeneration be of the newest cut in fashion . sure 't is an orthodox opinion that grace is founded in dominion . great piety consists in pride ; to rule is to be sanctify'd : to domineer , and to controul both o're the body and the soul , is the most perfect discipline of church-rule , and by right divine . bel and the dragons chaplains were more moderate than these by far : for they ( poor knaves ) were glad to cheat , to get their wives and children meat ; but these will not be fobb'd off so , they must have wealth and power too , or else with bloud and desolation they 'l tear it out o' th' heart o' th' nation . sure these themselves from primitive and heathen pristhood do derive , when butchers were the only clerks , elders and presbyters of kirks , whose directory was to kill ; and some believe it is so still . the only diff'rence is , that then they slaughter'd only beasts , now men. for then to sacrifice a bullock , or now and then a child to moloch , they count a vile abomination , but not to slaughter a whole nation . peresbytery does but translate the papacy to a free state , a common-wealth of popery , where ev'ry village is a see as well as rome , and must maintain a tithe pig metropolitan : where ev'ry presbyter and deacon commands the keys for cheese and bacon ; and ev'ry hamlet's governed by 's holiness , the church's head , more haughty and severe in 's place than gregory and boniface . such church must ( surely ) be a monster with many heads : for if we conster what in th' apocalyps we find , according to th' apostles mind , 't is that the whore of babylon with many heads did ride upon ; which heads denote the sinful tribe of deacon , priest , lay-elder , scribe . lay-elder , simeon to levi , whose little finger is as heavy as loins of patriarchs , prince-prelate , archbishop-secular . this zelot is of a mungrel , divers kind , clerick before , and lay behind ; a lawless linsy-woolsy brother , half of one order , half another ; a creature of amphibious nature , on land a beast , a fish in water ; that always preys on grace , or sin ; a sheep without , a wolf within . this fierce inquisitor has chief dominion over mens belief and manners ; can pronounce a saint idolatrous , or ignorant , when superciliously he sifts through coursest boulter others gifts . for all men live and judge amiss whose talents jump not just with his . he 'l lay on gifts with hands , and place on dullest noddle light and grace , the manufacture of the kirk , whose pastors are but th' handiwork of his mechanick pawes , instilling divinity in them by feeling . from whence they start up chosen vessels , made by contact , as men get meazles . so cardinals , they say , do grope at th' other end the new made pope . hold , hold , quoth hudibras , soft fire , they say , does make sweet malt. good squire . festina lente , not too fast ; for haste ( the proverb says ) makes waste . the quirks and cavils thou dost make are false , and built upon mistake . and i shall bring you , with your pack of fallacies , t' elenchi back ; and put your arguments in mood and figure , to be understood . i 'le force you by right ratiocination to leave your vitilitigation , and make you keep to th' question close , and argue dialectic●s . the question then , to state it first , is which is better , or which worst synods or bears . bears i avow to be the worst , and synods thou . but to make good th' assertion , thou say'st th' are really all one . if so , not worst ; for if th' are idem , why then , tantundem dat tantidem . for if they are the same , by course neither is better , neither worse . but i deny they are the same , more than a maggot and i am . that both are animalia , i grant , but not rationalia : for though they do agree in kind , specifick difference we find . and can no more make bears of these , than prove my horse is socrates . that synods are bear-gardens too , thou dost affirm ; but i say no : and thus i prove it , in a word . whats'ever assembly's not impowr'd to censure , curse , absolve , and ordain , can be no synod : but bear-garden has no such pow'r , ergo 't is none . and so thy sophistry's o'rethrown . but yet we are beside the question which thou didst raise the first contest on ; for that was , whether bears are better than synod-men , i say negatur . that bears are beasts , and synods men , is held by all : they 'r better then . for bears and dogs on four legs go , as beasts , but synod-men on two. 't is true , they all have teeth and nails ; but prove that synod-men have tails ; or that a rugged , shaggy fur crows o're the hide of presbyter ; or that his snout and spacious ears do hold proportion with a bear 's . a bear 's a savage beast , of all most ugly and unnatural , whelpt without form , until the dam have lickt him into shape and frame ; but all thy light can ne'r evict that ever synod-man was lickt ; or brought to any other fashion than his own will and inclination . but thou dost further yet in this oppugne thy self and sense , that is , thou wouldst have presbyters to go for bears and dogs and bearwards too . a strange chimaera of beasts and men , made up of pieces heterogene , such as in nature never met in eodem subjecto yet . thy other arguments are all supposures , hypothetical , that do but beg , and we may chuse either to grant them , or refuse . much thou hast said , which i know when , and where thou stol'st from other men , ( whereby 't is plain thy light and gifts are all but plagiary shifts ; ) and is the same that ranter sed , that arguing with me , broke my head , and tore a handful of my beard : the self-same cavils , then i heard , when b'ing in hot dispute about this controversie , we fell out ; and what thou know'st i answer'd then , will serve to answer thee agen . quoth ralpho , nothing but th' abuse of humane learning you produce ; learning that cobweb of the brain , profane , erroneous , and vain ; a trade of knowledge as repleat as others are with fraud and cheat ; an art t' incumber gifts and wit , and render both for nothing fit ; makes light unactive , dull and troubled , like little david in saul's doublet ; a cheat that scholars put upon other mens reason and their own ; a fort of error , to ensconce absurdity and ignorance , that renders all the avenues to truth impervious and abstruse , by making plain things , in debate , by art , perplext and intricate : for nothing goes for sense or light that will not with old rules jump right . as if rules were not in the schools deriv'd from truth , but truth from rules . this pagan , heathenish invention is good for nothing but contention . for as in sword-and-buckler fight , all blows do on the target light : so when men argue , the great'st part o' th' contest falls on terms of art , untill the fustian stuff be spent , and then they fall to th' argument . quoth hudibras , friend ralph , thou hast out-run the constabe at last ; for thou art fallen on a new dispute , as senseless as untrue , but to the former opposite , and contrary as black to white ; mere disparata , that concerning presbytery , this human learning ; two things s'averse , they never yet but in thy rambling fancy met , but i shall take a fit occasion t' evince thee by ratiocination , some other time , in place more proper than this w' are in : therefore let 's stop here , and rest our weary'd bones awhile , already tir'd with other toil . annotations to the first part . that could as well bind o're as swaddle . bind over to the sessions , as being a justice of the peace in his countrey , as well as colonel of a regiment of foot , in the parliaments army , and a committee-man , as mountaigne playing with his cat. mountagin in his essays supposes his cat thought him a fool , for losing his time , in playing with her . profoundly skill'd in analitique . analitique is a part of logick that teaches to decline and construe reason , as grammar does words . a babylonish dialect . a confusion of languages , such , as some of our modern virtuosi use to express themselves in . that had the orator who once , demosthenes , who is said to have a defect in his pronunciation , which he cur'd by using to speak with little stones in his mouth . he could reduce all things to acts. the old philosophers thought to extract notions out of natural things , as chymists do spirits and essences , and when they had refin'd them into the nicest subtleties , gave them as insignificant names , as those operators do their extractions : but ( as seneca says ) the subtler things are render'd , they are but the nearer to nothing . so are all their definitions of things by acts , the nearer to nonsense . where truth in person does appear . some authors have mistaken truth for a real thing , when it is nothing but a right method of putting those notions , or images of things ( in the understanding of man ) into the same state and order , that their originals hold in nature , and therefore aristotle says , unumquodque sicut se habet secundum esse , ita se habet secundum veritatem . met. l. . like words congeal'd in northern air. some report that in nova zemble , and greenland , mens words are wont to be frozen in the air , and at the thaw may be heard . he knew the seat of paradise . there is nothing more ridiculous than the various opinions of authors about the seat of paradise ; sir walter rawleigh has taken a great deal of pains to collect them , in the beginning of his history of the world ; where those who are unsatisfied , may be fully inform'd . by a high-dutch interpreter . goropius becanus endeavors to prove that high-dutch was the language that adam and eve spoke in paradise . if either of them had a navel . adam and eve being made , and not conceiv'd , and form'd in the womb , had no navels , as some leaned men have suppos'd , because they had no need of them . who first made musick malleable . musick is said to be invented by pythagoras , who first found out the proportion of notes , from the sounds of hammers upon an anvil . like mahomet's were ass and widgeon . mahomet had a tame dove that used to pick seeds out of his ear , that it might be thought to whisper and inspire him . his ass was so intimate with him , that the mahometans believe it carry'd him to heaven , and stays there with him to bring him back again . it was canonique , and did grow in holy orders by strict vow . he made a vow never to cut his beard , until the parliament had subdued the king , of which order of phanatique votaries , there were many in those times . so learned taliacotius , &c. taliacotius was an italian chirurgeon , that found out a way to repair lost and decay'd noses . but left the trade , as many more , have lately done , &c. oliver cromwel and colonel pride had been both brewers . that caesar's horse , who as fame goes , had corns upon his feet and toes . julius caesar had a horse with feet like a man's . vtebatur equo insigni , pedibus prope humanis , & in modum digitorum vngulis fi●sis . sueton in jul. cap. . the mighty tyrian queen that gain'd with subtle shreds , a tract of land. dido queen of carthage , who bought as much land as she could compass with an oxes hide , which she cut into small thongs , and cheated the owner of so much ground , as serv'd her to build carthage upon . as the bold trojan knight seen hell. aeneas whom virgil reports to use a golden bough , for a pass to hell , and tailors call that place hell , where they put all they steal . in magick , talisman , and cabal . talisman is a device to destroy any sort of vermin by casting their images in metal , in a precise minute , when the stars are perfectly inclin'd to do them all the mischief they can . this has been experimented by some modern virtuosi , upon rats , mice , and fleas , and found ( as they affirm ) to produce the effect with admirable success . raymund lully interprets cabal out of the arabick , to signify scientia superabundans , which his comentator , cornelius agrippa , by over magnifying , has render'd a very superfluous foppery . as far as adam's first green breeches . the author of magia adamica indeavors to prove the learning of the antient magi , to be deriv'd from that knowledge which god himself taught adam in paradise , before the fall. and much of terra incognita the intelligible world could say . the intelligible world , is a kind of terra del fuego , or psittacorum reg●o , discover'd only by the philosophers , of which they talk , like parrots , what they do not understand . as learn'd as the wild irish are . no nation in the world is more addicted to this occult philosophy , than the wild irish , as appears by the whole practice of their lives , of which see cambden in his description of ireland . in rosy crucian lore as learned as he that vere adeptus earned . the fraternity of the rosy crucians is very like the sect of the ancient gnostici , who call'd themselves so , from the excellent learning they pretended to , although they were really the most ridiculous sots of all mankind . vere adeptus , is one that has commenc'd in their fanatique extravagance . thou that with ale or viler liquors did'st inspire withers , pryn , and vickars . this vickars was a man of as great interest and authority in the late reformation , as pryn or withers , and as able a poet ; he translated virgils aeneides into as horrible travesty in earnest , as the french scaroon did in burlesque , and was only out-done in his way by the politique author of oceana . we that are wisely mounted higher . this speech is set down as it was deliver'd by the knight in his own words : but since it is below the gravity of heroical poetry , to admit of humor , but all men are oblig'd to speak wisely alike ; and too much of so extravagant a folly would become tedious , and impertinent : the rest of his harangues have only his sense exprest in other words , unless in some few places where his own words could not be so well avoided . in bloudy cynarctomachy . cynarctomachy signifies nothing in the world , but a fight between dogs and bears , though both the learned and ignorant agree , that in such words very great knowledge is contained : and our knight as one , or both of those , was of the same opinion . or force , we averruncate it . another of the same kind , which though it appear ever so learned , and profound , means nothing else but the weeding of corn. the indians fought for the truth of th' elephant , and monkeys tooth . the history of the white elephant and the monkeys tooth , which the indians ador'd , is written by monsieur le blanc . this monkey's tooth was taken by the portuguese from those that worship't it , and though they offer'd a vast ransom for it , yet the christians were perswaded by their priests , rather to burn it . but as soon as the fire was kindled , all the people present were not able to indure the horrible stink that came from it , as if the fire had been made of the same ingredients , with which seamen use to compose that kind of granado's , which they call stinkards . this rage in them like bout-feus . bout-feus is a french word , and therefore it were uncivil to suppose any english person ( especially of quality ) ignorant of it , or so ill-bread as to need an exposition . as indian brittains are from penguins the american indians call a great bird they have , with a white head a penguin ; which signify's the same thing in the brittish tongue : from whence ( with other words of the same kind ) some authors have indeavour'd to prove , that the americans are originally deriv'd from the brittains . and though his countrey-men the huns. this custom of the huns is describ'd by ammianus marcellinus . hunii semicruda cujusvis pecoris carne vescuntur , quam inter femora sua & equorum terga subsertam , fotu calefaciunt brevi . pap. . — he spous'd in india of noble house a lady gay . this story in le blance , of a bear that married a kings daughter , is no more strange than many others in most travellers , that pass with allowance , for if they should write nothing but what is possible , or probable , they might appear to have lost their labor , and observed nothing , but what they might have done as well at home . they would not suffer the stout'st dame to swear by hercules's name . the old romans had particular oaths for men and women to swear by , and therefore macrobius says , viri per castorem non jurabant antiquitus , nce mulieres per herculem , aedepol autem juramentum erat tam mulieribus quam viris commune , &c. as stout armida , bold thalestris . two formidable women at arms in romances , that were cudgell'd into love by their gallants . wore in their hats like wedding garters . some few days after the king had accus'd the five members of treason in the house of commons ; great crouds of the rabble came down to west-minster-hall , with printed copies of the protestation , ty'd in their hats like favors . make that sarcasmous scandal true ! abusive , or insulting had been better , but our knight believ'd the learned languages , more convenient to understand in , than his own mother-tongue . and is indeed the self-same case with theirs that swore t' et caeteras . the convocation in one of the short parliaments that usher'd in the long one ( as dwarfs are wont to do knights errant ) made an oath to be taken , by the clergy , for observing of canonical obedience ; in which they injoyn'd their brethren , out of the abundance of their consciences , to swear to articles with &c. or the french league in which men vow'd , to fight to the last drop of bloud . the holy league in france , design'd and made for the extirpation of the protestant religion , was the original , out of which the solemn league and covenant here , was ( with difference only of circumstances ) most faithfully transcrib'd . nor did the success of both differ more than the intent and purpose ; for after the destruction of vast numbers of people of all sorts , both ended with the murthers of two kings , whom they had both sworn to defend : and as our covenanters swore every man , to run one before another in the way of reformation , so did the french in the holy league , to fight to the last drop of bloud . first trulla stav'd , and cerdon tail'd . staving and tayling are terms of art us'd in the bear-garden , and signify there only the parting of dogs and bears : though they are us'd metaphorically in several other professions , for moderating , as law , divinity , hectoring , &c. or like the late corrected leathern ears of the circumcised brethren . prynn , bastwyck , and burton , who laid down their ears as proxies for three professions of the godly party , who not long after maintain'd their right and title to the pillory , to be as good and lawful , as theirs , who first of all took possession of it in their names . by him that baited the popes bull. a learned divine in king james's time wrote a polemick work against the pope , and gave it that unlucky nick-name , of the popes bull baited . canonical crabat of smec . smectymnus was a club of parliamentary holders-forth , the characters of whose names and talents were by themselves exprest , in that senseless and insignificant word ; they wore handkerchers about their necks for a note of distinction , ( as the officers of the parliament army then did ) which afterwards degenerated into carnal crabats . and leave your vitilitigation . vitilitigation is a word the knight was passionately in love with , and never fail'd to use it upon all possible occasions , and therefore to omit it , when it fell in the way , had argu'd too great a neglect of his learning , and parts , though it means no more than a perverse humour of wrangling . finis . hudibras . the second part . by the author of the first . corrected & amended , with several additions and annotations . london : printed by t.h. for t. sawbridge in little-britain , r. bentley in russel-street in covent-garden , and g. wells in st. pauls church-yard , . the second part of hudibras . the argument of the first canto . the knight being ●●●p'd by th' heels in prison , the last unhappy expedition , love brings his action on the case , and lays it upon hudibras . how he receives the ladies visit , and cunningly sollicits his sute , vvhich she defers : yet on parole , redeems him from th' inchanted hole . canto i. but now t' observe romantick method , let rusty steel a while be sheathed ; and all those harsh & rugged sounds of bastinado's , cuts , and wounds exchang'd to love's more gentle stile , to let our reader breathe a while : in which , that we may be as brief as is possible , by way of preface . is 't not enough to make one strange , that some mens fancies should ne'er change ? but make all people do , and say , the same things still the self-same way : some writers make all ladies purloin'd , and knights pursuing like a whirlwind : others make all their knights , in fits of jealousie , to lose their wits ; till drawing blood o' th' dames , like witches , th' are forthwith cur'd of their capriches . some always thrive in their amours , by pulling plaisters off their sores ; as cripples do to get an alms , just so do they , and win their dames . some force whole regions , in despight o' geography , to change their site : make former times shake hands with latter , and that that was before , come after , but those that write in rhime , still make the one verse for the others sake : for , one for sense , and one for rhime , i think's sufficient at one time . but we forget in what sad plight we lately left the captiv'd knight , and pensive squire both bruis'd in body , and conjur'd into safe custody : tir'd with dispute , and speaking latine , as well as basting , and bear-baiting ; and desperate of any course , to free himself by wit or force . his only solace was , that now his dog-bolt fortune was so low : that either it must quickly end , or turn about again , and mend : in which he found th' event , no less , than other times beside his guess ; there is a tall long-sided dame , ( but wondrous light ) ycleped fame , that like a thin camelion boards her self on air , and eats her words : upon her shoulders wings she wears , like hanging-sleeves , lin'd through with ears , and eyes , and tongues , as poets list , made good by deep mythologist . with these , she through the welkin flies , and sometimes carries truth , oft lies ; with letters hung like eastern pidgeons ; and mercuries of farthest regions ; diurnals writ for regulation of lying , to inform the nation : and by their publick use to bring down the rate of vvhetstones in the kingdom . about her neck a pacquet - male , fraught with advice , some fresh , some stale , of men that walk'd when they were dead , and cows of monsters brought to bed : of hailstones big as pullets eggs , and puppies whelp'd with twice two legs : a blazing-star seen in the west , by six or seven men at least . two trumpets she does sound at once , but both of clean contrary tones . but whether both with the same wind , or one before , and one behind , we know not ; only this can tell , th' one sounds vilely , th' other well . and therefore vulgar authors name th' one good , th' other evil fame . this tatling gossip knew too well , what mischief hudibras befel ; and streight the spightful tidings bears , of all , to th' unkind widows ears . democritus ne'er laugh'd so loud to see bawds carted through the crowd , or funerals with stately pomp , march slowly on in solemn dump ; as she laugh'd out , until her back as well as sides , was like to crack . she vow'd she would go see the sight , and visit the distressed knight , to do the office of a neighbor , and be a gossip at his labor : and from his wooden jail , the stocks , to set at large his fetter-locks , and by exchange , parole , or ransome , to free him from th' inchanted mansion . this b'ing resolv'd , she call'd for hood and usher , implements abroad , which ladies wear , beside a slender young waiting damsel to attend her . all which appearing , on she went , to find the knight in limbo pent : and 't was not long before she found him , and his stout squire in the pound ; both coupled in inchanted tether , by further leg behind together : for as he sate upon his rump , his head like one in doleful dump , between his knees , his hands apply'd unto his ears on either side . and by him , in another hole , afflicted ralpho , cheek by joul ; she came upon him in his wooden magicians circle , on the sudden , as spirits do , t' a conjurer , when in their dreadful shapes th' appear . no sooner did the knight perceive her , but straight he fell into a fever , inflam'd all over with disgrace , to be seen by her in such a place ; which made him hang the head , and scowl , and wink and goggle like an owl ; he felt his brains begin to swim , when thus the dame accosted him ; this place ( quoth she ) they say's inchanted , and with delinquent spirits haunted ; that here are ty ' d in chains , and scourg'd , until their guilty crimes be purg'd ; look , there are two of them appear like persons i have seen somewhere : some have mistaken blocks and posts , for spectres , apparations , ghosts vvith sawcer-eyes , and horns ; and some have heard the devil beat a drum : but if our eyes are not false glasses , that give a wrong account of faces ; that beard and i should be acquainted , before 't was conjur'd and inchanted . for though it be disfigur'd somewhat , as if 't had lately been in combat ; it did belong t' a worthy knight , howe'er this goblin is come by 't . vvhen hudibras the lady heard to take kind notice of his beard , and speak with such respect and honor , both of the beard , and the beard 's owner , he thought it best to set as good a face upon it as he cou'd , and thus he spoke ; lady , your bright and radiant eyes are in the right : the beard 's th' identique beard you knew the same numerically true : nor is it worn by fiend or elf , but its proprietor himself . oh heavens ! quoth she , can that be true ? i do begin to fear 't is you : not by your individual whiskers , but by your dialect and discourse ; that never spoke to man or beast , in notions vulgarly exprest . but what malignant star , alas , has brought you both to this sad pass ? quoth he , the fortune of the war , which i am less afflicted for , than to be seen with beard and face , by you in such a homely case . quoth she , those need not be asham'd , for being honorably maim'd ; if he that is in battel conquer'd , have any title to his own beard . though yours be sorely lugg'd and torn , it does your visage more adorn , than if 't were prun'd , and starch'd , and lander'd , and cut square by the russian standerd , a torn beard 's like a tatter'd ensign , that 's bravest which there are most rents in . that petticoat about your shoulders , does not so well become a soldiers , and i 'm afraid they are worse handled , although i' th reer your beard the van led . and those uneasie bruises make my heart for company to ake , to see so worshipful a friend ●'th pillory set , at the wrong end . quoth hudibras , this thing call'd pain , ●s ( as the learn'd stoicks maintain ) not bad simpliciter , nor good , ●ut merely as 't is understood , sense is deceitful , and may faign , as well in counterfeiting pain , as other gross phaenomena's , in which it oft mistakes the case . but since th' immortal intellect ( that 's free from error and defect , whose objects still persist the same ) is free from outward bruise or maim . which nought external can expose to gross material bangs or blows : it follows , we can ne'er be sure , whether we pain or not endure : and just so far are sore and griev'd , as by the fancy is believ'd . some have been wounded with conceit , and dy'd of mere opinion streight . others , though wounded sore in reason , felt nor contusion nor discretion . a saxon duke did grow so fat , that mice , ( as histories relate ) eat grots and labyrinths to dwell in his postique parts , without his feeling ; then how is 't possible a kick , should e'er reach that way to the quick ? quoth she , i grant it is in vain for one that 's basted , to feel pain ; because the pangs his bones endure , contribute nothing to the cure : yet honor hurt is wont to rage with pain no med'cine can asswage . quoth he , that honor 's very squemish that takes a basting for a blemish : for what 's more honourable then scars , or skin to tatters rent in wars ? some have been beaten till they know what vvood a cudgel's of by th' blow ; some kick'd , until they can feel whether a shooe be spanish or neats-leather : and yet have met , after long running , with some whom they have taught that cunning , the furthest way about , t' o'ercome , i' th' end does prove th' nearest home ; by laws of learned duellists , they that are bruis'd with wood , or fists . and think one beating may for once suffice , are cowards , and pultroons : but if they dare engage t' a second , they 're stout and gallant fellows reckon'd . th' old romans , freedom did bestow ; our princes worship with a blow : king pyrrhus cur'd his splenetick and testy courtiers with a kick . the negus , when some mighty lord , or potentate's to be restor'd , and pardon'd for some great offence with which he 's willing to dispence . first has him laid upon his belly , then beaten back , and side , t' a jelly ; that done , he rises , humbly bows , and gives thanks for the gracious blows ; departs not meanly proud , and boasting , of his magnificent rib-roasting . the beaten souldier , proves most manful , that like his sword , endures the anvil : and justly's held more formidable , the more his valor 's malleable . but he that fears a bastinado , will run away from his own shadow . and though i 'm now in durance fast , by our own party basely cast , ransome , exchange , parole , refus'd , and worse than by th' enemy us'd ; in close catasta shut , past hope of vvit , or valour , to elope , as beards , the nearer that they tend to th' earth , still grow more reverend : and cannons shoot the higher pitches , the lower we let down their breeches : i 'll make this low dejected fate advance me to a greater height . quoth she , y've almost made m' in love with that which did my pity move : great vvits , and valors , like great states , do sometimes sink with their own weights : the extreams of glory , and of shame , like east and vvest , become the same : no indian prince has to his palace more follow'rs than a theif to th' gallows . but if a beating seem so brave , what glories must a whipping have ? such great atchievments cannot fail , to cast salt on a womans tail , for if i thought your nat'ral talent of passive courage , were so gallant ; as you strain hard to have it thought , i could grow amorous , and dote . when hudibras this language heard , he prick'd up's ears , and strok'd his beard : thought he , this is the lucky hour , wines work , when vines are in the flower ; this crisis then i 'll set my rest on , and put her boldly to the question . madam , what you would seem to doubt , shall be to all the world made out , how i 've been drubb'd , and with what spirit , and magnanimity , i bear it ; and if you doubt it to be true , i 'll stake my self down against you : and if i fail in love or troth , be you the vvinner , and take both quoth she , i 've heard old cunning stagers say , fools for arguments use wagers . and though i prais'd your valor , yet i did not mean to baulk your vvit , which if you have , you must needs know what , i have told you before now , and you b' experiment have prov'd , i cannot love where i 'm belov'd . quoth hudibras , 't is a ●●●rich beyond th' infliction of a vvitch ; so cheats to play with those still aim , that do not understand the game . love in your heart as idly burns , as fire in antique romans-urns , to warm the dead , and vainly light those only , that see nothing by 't . have you not power to entertain , and render love for love again ? as no man can draw in his breath at once , and force out air beneath ? or do you love your self so much , to bear all rivals else a grutch ? what fate can lay a greater curse , than you upon your self would force ; for vvedlock without love , some say , is but a lock without a key . it is a kind of rape to marry one , that neglects , or cares not for ye : for , what does make it ravishment , but b'ing against the the mind's consent ? a rape , that is the more inhumane , for being acted by a vvoman : why are you fair , but to entice us to love you , that you may despise us ? but though you cannot love , you say , out of your own fanatique way , why should you not , at least , allow , those that love you , to do so too : for , as you fly me , and pursue love more averse , so i do you ; and am by your own doctrine taught , to practise what you call a fault , quoth she , if what you say be true , you must fly me , as i do you ; but 't is not what we do , but say , in love and preaching , that must sway . quoth he , to bid me not to love , is to forbid my pulse to move ; my beard to grow , my ears to prick up , or ( when i 'm in a fit ) to kick up : command me to piss out the moon , and 't will as easily be done . loves powr's too great to be withstood by feeble humane flesh and blood . 't was he , that brought upon his knees the hect'ring kill-cow hercules ; reduc'd his leager-lions skin t' a pettecoat , and made him spin : seiz'd on his club , and made it dwindle t' a feeble distaff , and a spindle . 't was he made emperors gallants to their own sisters , and their aunts ; set popes , and cardinals agog to play with pages at leap frog ; 't was he that gave our senate purges , and fluxt the house of many a burgess ; made those that represent the nation submit and suffer amputation : and all the grandees o' th' the cabal , adjourn to tubs , at spring and fall . he mounted synod-men and rode 'em to durty-lane , and little sodom ; made 'em corvett , like spanish jenets , and take the ring at madam — 't was he that made saint francis do more than the devil could tempt him too ; in cold and frosty weather grow enamor'd of a wife of snow ; and though she were of rigid temper , with melting flames accost and tempt her : which after in enjoyment quenching , he hung a garland on his engine . quoth she , if love have these effects , why is it not forbid our sex ? why is 't not damn'd , and interdicted , for diabolical and wicked ? and song , as out of tune , against , as turk and pope are by the saints ? i find , i 've greater reason for it , than i believ'd before t' abhor it . quoth hudibras , these sad effects spring from your heathenish neglects of loves great pow'r , which he returns upon your selves with equal scorns ; and those who worthy lover's slight , plague's with prepost'rous appetite ; this made the beautious queen of crete to take a town-bull for her sweet ; and from her greatness stoop so low , to be the rival of a cow. others to prostitute their great hearts , to be baboons , and monkeys sweet-hearts . some with the dev'l himself in league grow by 's representative a negro : 't was this made vestal-maids love-sick , and venture to be bury'd quick. some by their fathers and their brothers , to be made mistresses , and mothers : 't is this that proudest dames enamors on lacquies , and varlets des-chambres their haughty stomachs overcomes , and makes 'em stoop to dirty grooms , to slight the vvorld , and to disparage claps , issue , infamy , and marriage . quoth she , these judgments are severe , yet such , as i should rather bear , than trust men with their oaths , or prove their faith , and secresie in love . says he , their is a weighty reason , for secresie in love as treason . love is a burglarer , a felon , that at the vvindore-eie does steal in , to rob the the heart , and with his prey steals out again a closer way , which whosoever can discover , he 's sure ( as he deserves ) to suffer . love is a fire , that burns and sparkles , in men , as nat'rally as in char-coals , which sooty chymists stop in holes , when out of wood , they extract coles ; so lovers , should their passions choak , that though they burn , they may not smoak . 't is like that sturdy thief that stole , and drag'd beasts backwards , into 's hole : so love does lovers ; and us men draws by the tails into his den ; that no impression may discover , and trace t' his cave , the wary lover . but if you doubt i should reveal what you entrust me under seal , i 'll prove my self as close and virtuous , as , your own secretary , albertus , quoth she , i grant you may be close in hiding what your aims propose ; love-passions are like parables , by which men still mean something else : though love be all the worlds pretence , mony 's the my thologic fence , the real substance of the shadow , which all address and courtship 's made to . thought he , i understand your play , and how to quit you your own way ; he that will win his dame , must do , as love do's , when he bends his bow : with the one hand thrust the lady from , and with the other pull her home . i grant , quoth he , vvealth is a great provocative , to am'rous heat ; it is all philters , and high diet that makes love rampant , and to fly out : 't is beauty always in the flower , that buds and blossoms at fourscore : 't is that by which the sun and moon , at their own weapons are out-done ; that make knights errant fall in trances , and lay about 'em in romances . t is virtue , vvit , and vvorth , and all , that men divine and sacred call . for what is vvorth in any thing , but so much money as 't will bring ? or what but riches is there known , which man can solely call his own ; in which , no creatures goes his half , unless it be to squint and laugh ? i do confess , with goods and land , i 'd have a wife , at second hand ; and such you are : nor is 't your person , my stomach 's set so sharp and sierce on , but 't is ( your better part ) your riches , that my enamor'd heart bewitches ; let me your fortune but possess , and settle your person how you please : or make it o'r in trust to the devil , you 'l find me reasonable and civil . quoth she , i like this plainess better than false mock-passion , speech , or letter , or any feat of qualm or sowning , but hanging of your self , or drowning ; your onely way with me , to break , your mind , is breaking of your neck : for as when merchants break , o'rthrown like nine-pins , they strike others down ; so , that would break my heart , which done , my tempting fortune is your own . these are but trifles , ev'ry lover will damn himself , over and over , and greater matters undertake , for a less worthy mistress sake : yet th' are the onely ways to prove the unfeigned realties of love ; for he that hangs , or beats out 's brains , the devils in him if he feigns . quoth hudibras , this way 's too rough , for mere experiment , and proof ; it is no jesting trivial matter , to swing in th' air , or plunge in water , and like a water-witch , try love . that 's to destroy , and not to prove : as if a man should be dissected , to find what part is disaffected : your better way is to make over , in trust , your fortune to your lover ; trust is a tryal , if it break , t is not so desp'rate as a neck : beside , th' experiment's more certain , men venture necks to gain a fortune ; the soldier does it ev'ry day ( eight to the week ) for sixpence pay : your pettifoggers damn their souls , to share with knaves in cheating fools : and merchants vent'ring through the main , slight pirats , rocks and horns for gain . this is the way i advise you to , trust me , and see what i will do . quoth she , i should be loath to run my self all th' hazard , and you none . which must be done , unless some deed of yours , aforesaid do precede ; give but your self one gentle swing , for tryal , and i 'll cut the string : or give that reverend head , a maul , or two , or three , against a wall ; to shew you are a man of mettle , and i 'll engage my self , to settle . quoth he , my head 's not made of brass , as frier bacon's noddle was : nor ( like the indian's scull ) so tough , that authors say , 't was musket-proof : as it had need to be to enter , as yet , on any new adventure ; you see what bangs it has endur'd , that would , before new feats , be cur'd , but if that 's all you stand upon ; here strike , me luck , it shall be done . quoth she , the matter 's not so far gone as you suppose , two words t' a bargain , that may be done , and time enough , when you have given down right proof : and yet 't is no fantastick pike , i have to love , nor coy dislike ; 't is no implicite nice aversion t' your conversation , meen , or person : but a just fear , lest you should prove false , and perfidious in love ; for if i thought you could be true , i could love twice as much as you . quoth he , my faith as adamantine as chains of destiny , i 'll maintain ; true as apollo ever spoke , or oracle from heart of oak . and if you 'll give my flame but vent , now in close hugger-mugger pent , and shine upon me but benignly , with that one , and that other pigsny , the sun and day shall sooner part , than love , or you , shake off my heart . the sun that shall no more dispence his own , but your bright influence ; i 'll carve your name on barks of trees . with true-loves knots , and flourishes ; that shall infuse eternal spring , and everlasting flourishing : drink every letter on 't , in stum ; and make it brisk champaign become ; where e'er you tread , your foot shall set the primrose and the violet ; all spices , perfumes , and sweet powders , shall borrow from your breath their odors ; nature her charter shall renew , and take all lives of things from you ; the world depend upon your eye , and when you frown upon it , die ; only our loves shall still survive , new worlds and natures to out-live ; and , like heralds moons , remain all crescents , without change or wane . hold , hold , quoth she , no more of this sir knight , you take your aim amiss ; for you will find it a hard chapter , to catch me with poetique rapture , in which your mastery of art , doth shew it self and not your heart ; nor will you raise in mine combustion , by dint of high heroick fustion : she that with poetry is won , is but a desk to write upon ; and what men say of her , they mean , no more than that on which they lean . some with arabian spices strive to embalm her cruelly alive ; or season her , as french cooks use , their haut-gusts , buollies , or ragusts ; use her so barbarously ill ▪ to grind her lips upon a mill , until the facet doublet doth fit their rhimes rather than her mouth ; her mouth compar'd t' an oyster's , with a row of pearl in 't , stead of teeth ; others , make posies of her cheeks , where red , and whitest colors mix ; in which the lilly , and the rose for indian lake , and ceruse goes . the sun and moon , by her bright eyes , eclisp'd , and darkn'd in the skies ; are but black-patches that she wears cut into suns , and moons and stars , by which astrologers , as well as those in heav'n above can tell what strange events they do foreshow unto her under-world below . her voice the musick of the spheres , so loud it deafens mortal ears ; as wise philosophers have thought , and that 's the cause we hear it not . this has been done by some , who those th' ador'd in rhime , would kick in prose ; and in those ribbins would have hung , of which melodiously they sung . that have the hard fate , to write best of those still that deserve it least ; it matters not , how false , or forc't , so the best things be said o' th' worst ; it goes for nothing when 't is sed , onely the arrow 's drawn to th' head , whether it be swan or goose they level at : so shepherds use to set the same mark on the hip both of their sound and rotten sheep . for wits that carry low or wide , must be aim'd higher , or beside , the mark which else they ne'er come nigh , but when they take their aim awry . but i do wonder you should chuse this way t' attaque me with your muse , as one cut out to pass your tricks on , with fulhams of poetic fiction : i rather hop'd , i should no more hear from you , o' th' gallanting score : for hard dry-bastings use to prove the readiest remedies of love , next a dry-diet ; but if those fail , yet this uneasie loop-hold jail in which y' are hamper'd by the fet-lock , cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock : vvedlock , that 's worse than any hole here , if that may serve you for a cooler ; t' allay your mettle , all agog upon a vvife , the heavi'r clog . nor rather thank your gentle fate , that , for a bruis'd or broken pate , has freed you from those knobs , that grow much harder , on the marry'd brow : but if no dread can cool your courage , from vent'ring on that dragon , marriage ; yet give me quarter , and advance to nobler aims , your puissance : level at beauty , and at vvit , the fairest mark is easiest hit . quoth hudibras , i 'm before hand in that already , with your command : for where does beauty , and high vvit , but in your constellation , meet ? quoth she , what does a match imply , but likeness and equality ? i know you cannot think me fit , to be th' yoke-fellow of your vvit : nor take one of so mean deserts , to be the partner of your parts ; a grace , which if i could believe , i 've not the conscience to receive . that conscience , quoth hudibras , is mis-inform'd ; i 'll state the case . a man may be a legal donor of any thing whereof he 's owner ; and may confer it where he lists , i' th' judgment of all casuists : then vvit , and parts , and valor may be ali'nated , and made away , by those that are proprietors ; as i may give or sell my horse . quoth she , i grant the case is true , and proper 'twixt your horse and you ; but whether i may take , as well as you may give away or sell ? buyers you know are bid beware ; and worse than thieves receivers are . how shall i answer hue and cry , for a roan-gelding , twelve hands high : all spur'd and switch'd , a lock on 's hoof , a sorrel-mane ? can i bring proof , where , when , by whom , and what y' are sold for , and in the open market toll'd for ? or should i take you for a stray , you must be kept a year and day ( ere i can own you ) here i' th' pound , where , if y' are sought , you may be found : and in the mean time i must pay for all your provender and hay . quoth he , it stands me much upon t' enervate this objection , and prove my self , by topic clear , no gelding , as you would infer . loss of virilities averr'd to be the cause of loss of beard , that does ( like embryo in the womb ) abortive on the chin become , this first a vvoman did invent , in envy of mans ornament . semiramis of babylon , who first of all cut men o' th' stone : to mar their beards , and laid foundation of sow-geldering operation . look on this beard , and tell me whether , eunuchs were such , or geldings either . next it appears , i am no horse , that i can argue , and discourse , have but two legs , and ne'er a tail . quoth she , that nothing will avail ; for some philosophers of late here , write , men have four legs by nature , and that 't is custom makes them go erroneously upon but two ; as 't was in germany made good , b' a boy , that lost himself in a vvood ; and growing down t' a man , was wont with vvolves upon all sour to hunt . as for your reasons drawn from tayls , we cannot say , they ' are true or false , till you explain your self , and show , b' experiment , 't is so or no. quoth he , if you 'll joyn issue on 't , i 'll give you satisfactory account ; so you will promise , if you lose , to settle all , and be my spouse . that never would be done ( quoth she ) to one that wants a tayl , by me : for tayls by natures sure were meant , as well as beards , for ornament : and though the vulgar count them homely , in man or beast , they are so comely , so genteel , allamode , and handsom , i 'll never marry man that wants one : and till you can demonstrate plain you have one equal to your mane , i 'll be torn piece-meal by a horse , ere i 'll take you for better or worse . the prince of cambay's daily food , is aspe , basilisque , and toad , vvhich makes him have so strong a breath . each night he stinks a queen to death ; yet i shall rather lie in 's arms , than yours , on any other bearms . quoth he , what nature can afford , i shall produce upon my word ; and if she ever gave that boon to man , i 'll prove that i have one ; i mean , by postulate illation , when you shall offer just occasion ; but since y' have yet deny'd to give my heart , your pris'ner , a reprieve , but made it sink down to my heel , let that at least your pity feel , and for the sufferings of your martyr , give its poor entertainer quarter ; and by discharge , or main-prise grant delivery from this base restraint . quoth she , i grieve to see your leg stuck in a hole here like a peg , and if i knew which way to do 't , ( your honour safe ) i 'd let you out . that dames by jail-delivery of errant knights have been set free , when by enchantment they have been , and sometimes for it too , laid in ; is that which knights are bound to do by order , oath , and honour too : for what are they renownd and famous else , but aiding of distress'd damosels ? but for a lady no ways errant , to free a knight , we have no warrant in any authentical romance , or classic author yet of france : and i 'd be loath to have you break an ancient custom for a freak , or innovation introduce in place of things of antique use ; to free your heels by any course , that might b' unwholesome to your spurs : which if i should consent unto , it is not in my power to do ; for 't is a service must be done ye , with solemn previous cerermony . which always has been us'd t' untie the charms of those who here do lie ; for as the ancients heretofore to honor's temple had no dore , but that which thorough virtue 's lay ; so , from this dungeon , there 's no way to honour'd freedom , but by passing that other virtuous school of lashing , where knights are kept in narrow lists , with wooden lockets 'bout their wrists , in which they for a while are tenants , and for their ladies suffer penance : vv●●●p●●ng , that 's virtues governess , tut●●●● of arts , and sciences ; that mends the gross mistakes of nature , and puts new life into dull matter ; that lays foundation for renown , and all the honors of the gown thus suffer'd , they are set at large , and freed with honour'ble discharge ; then in their robes the penitentials , are straight presented with credentials , and in their way attended on by magistrates of every town ; and all respect and charges paid , they 're to their ancient seats convey'd . now if you 'll venture for my sake , to try the toughness of your back , and suffer ( as the rest have done ) the laying of a whipping on , ( and may you prosper in your suit , as you with equal vigor do 't ) i here engage to be your bail , and free you from th' unknightly jail . but since our sex's modesty will not allow i should be by , bring me on oath , a fair account , and honor too , when you have don 't ; and i 'll admit you to the place , you claim as due as in my good grace . if matrimony and hanging go by dest'ny , why not vvhipping too ? what med'cine else can cure the fits of lovers when they lose their vvits ? love is a boy , by poets styl'd , then spare the rod , and spill the child , a persian emp'ror whipp'd his grannum the sea , his mother venus came on ; and hence some rev'rend men approve of rosemary in making love. as skilful coopers hoop their tubs with lydian and with phrygian dubs ; why may not vvhipping have as good a grace , perform'd in time and mood ; with comely movement , and by art , raise passion in a lady's heart ; it is an easier way , to make love by , than that which many take . who would not rather suffer vvhipping , than swallow toasts of bits of ribbin ? make wicked verses , treats , and faces , and spell names over , with beer-glasses ? be under vows to hang and die loves sacrifice , and all a lie ? with china-oranges and tarts , and whining plays , lay baits for hearts ? bride chamber-maids with love and money to break no roguish jeasts upon ye ; for lillies limn'd on cheeks , and roses , with painted perfumes , hazard noses ? or vent'ring to be brisk and wanton , do penance in a paper lanthorn ? all this you may compound for , now by suff'ring what i offer you : which is no more than has been done , by knights for ladies long agone : did not the great la mancha do so , for the infanta del taboso ? did not th' illustrious bassa make himself a slave for misse's sake ? and with bulls pizle , for her love , was taw'd as gentle as a glove ? was not young florio sent ( to cool his flame from biancasiore ) to school , where pedant made his pathick bum for her sake suffer martyrdom ? did not a certain lady whip , of late her , husband 's own lordship ? and though a grandee of the house , ●lawd him with fundamental blows , ty'd him start-naked to a bed-post , and firk'd his hide as if sh ' had rid post ; and after in the sessions-court , where vvhipping's judg'd , had honor for 't ? this swear you will perform , and then i 'll set you from th' inchanted den , and the magician circle clear . quoth he , i do profess and swear , and will perform what you enjoyn , or may i never see you mine . amen ( quoth she ) then turn'd about , and bid her squire let him out . but ere an artist could be found t' undo the charms another bound , the sun grew low , and left the skies , put down ( some write ) by ladies eyes . the moon pull'd off her veil of light , that hides her face by day from sight . ( mysterious veil , of brightness made , that 's both her lustre , and her shade ) and in the night as freely shon , as if her rays had been her own : for darkness is the proper sphere , where all false glories use t' appear . the twinkling stars began to muster , and glitter with their borrow'd luster , while sleep the weary'd vvorld reliev'd , by counterfeiting death reviv'd . our vot'ry thought it best t' adjourn his vvhipping-pennance till the morn , and not to carry on a vvork of such importance , in the dark , with erring haste , but rather stay , and do 't i' th' open face of day ; and in the mean time , go in quest of next retreat to take his rest . canto ii. the argument . the knight and squire in hot dispute , within an ace of falling out ; are parted with a sudden fright of strange alarm , and stranger sight ; with which adventuring to stickle , they 're sent away in nasty pickle . t is strange how some men's tempers suit ( like bawd and brandee ) with dispute , that for their own opinions stand fast , only to have them claw'd and canvast . that kept their consciences in cases , as fidlers do their crowds and bases , ne'er to be us'd but when they 're bent to play a fit for argument . make true and false , unjust and just , of no use but to be discust . dispute and set a paradox , like a strait boot upon the stocks , and stretch it more unmercifully , than helmont , mountaign , vvhite , or tully . so th' antient stoicks in their porch , with sierce dispute maintain'd their church , beat out their brains in sight and study , to prove that vertue is a body , that bonum is an animal , made good with stout polemique braul : in which , some hundreds on the place were slain outright , and many a face retrench'd of nose , and eyes , and beard , to maintain what their sect averr'd . all which the knight and squire in wrath had like t' have suffer'd for their faith ; each striving to make good his own , as by the sequel shall be shown . the sun had long since in the lap of thetis , taken out his nap , and like a lobster boyl'd , the morn from black to red began to turn . when hudibras , whom thoughts and aking twixt sleeping kept all night , and waking , began to rouse his drousie eyes , and from his couch prepar'd to rise ; resolving to dispatch the deed he vow'd to do , with trusty speed . but first , with knocking loud and bauling , he rous'd the squire , in truckle lolling , and , after many circumstances , which vulgar authors in romances , do use to spend their time and wits on , to make impertinent description ; they got ( with much ado ) to horse and to the castle bent their course , in which he to the dame before to suffer whipping duty swore : vvhere now arriv'd , and half unharnest , to carry on the work in earnest , he stopp'd and paus'd upon the sudden , and with a serious forehead plodding , sprung a new scruple in his head , vvhich first he scratch'd and after sed ; vvhether it be direct infringing an oath , if i should wave this swinging , and what i 've sworn to bear , forbear , and so b' equivocation swear ; or whether 't be a lesser sin , to be forsworn , than act the thing , are deep and subtle points , which must , t' inform my conscience , be discust , in which to err a little , may to errors infinite make way : and therefore i desire to know thy judgment , ere we farther go . quoth ralpho , since you do enjoyn't i shall enlarge upon the point ; and for my own part do not doubt th' affirmative may be made out . but first to state the case aright , for best advantage of our light : and thus 't is : vvhether't be a sin , to claw and curry your own skin greater , or less , than to forbear , and that you are forsworn , forswear . but first , o' th' first : the inward man , and outward , like a clan and clan , have always been at daggers-drawing , and one another clapper-clawing : not that they really cuff or fence , but in a spiritual mystique sence , which to mistake , and make 'em squabble , in literal fray , 's abhominable ; 't is heathenish , in frequent use , with pagans , and apostate jews , to offer sacrifice of bridewels : like modern indians to their idols , and mungrel christians of our times , that expiate less with greater crimes , and call the foul abhomination , contrition , and mortification . is 't not enough w 're bruis'd and kicked , with sinful members of the wicked ; our vessels , that are sanctifi'd , profan'd and curri'd , back and side ; but we must claw our selves , with shameful , and heathen stripes , by their example ? which ( were there nothing to forbid it ) is impious because they did it . this therefore may be justly reckon'd a henious sin . now to the second , that saints may claim a dispensation to swear and forswear on occasion ; i doubt not , but it will appear , with pregnant light . the point is clear . oaths are but words , and words but wind , too feeble implements to bind ; and hold with deeds proportion , so as shadows to a substance do . then when they strive for place , 't is fit the weaker vessel should submit : although your church be opposite to ours , as black friers are to vvhite , in rule and order : yet i grant you are a reformado saint ; and what the saints do claim as due , you may pretend a title to : but saints , whom oaths or vows oblige , know little of their priviledge ; farther ( i mean ) than carrying on some self-advantage of their own , for if the dev'l , to serve his turn , can tell truth ; why the saints should scorn when it serves theirs , to swear and lie , i think , there 's little reason why : else h' has a greater pow'r than they , which 't were impiety to say . w' are not commanded to forbear , indefinitely , at all to swear . but to swear idly ; and in vain , without self-interest or gain . for breaking of an oath , and lying , is but a kind of self-denying , a saint-like vertue , and from hence , some have broke oaths by providence : some , to the glory of the lord , perjur'd themselves , and broke their word : and this , the constant rule and practise of all our late apostles acts is , was not the cause at first begun with perjury , and carry'd on ? was there an oath the godly took , but , in due time and place , they broke ? did we not bring our oaths in first , before our plate , to have them burst , and cast in fitter models , for the present use of church and vvar ? did not our worthies of the house , before they broke the peace , break vows ? for having freed us , first , from both th' allegiance and supremacy oath ; did they not , next , compell the nation , to ●ake , and break the protestation ? to swear , and after to recant , the solemn league and covenant ? to take th' engagement , and disclaim it , enforc'd by those , who first did frame it ? did they not swear at first , to fight for the king's safety , and his right ? and after march'd to find him out , and charg'd him home with horse and foot ? and yet still had the confidence , to swear it was in his defence ? did they not swear to live and die with essex , and streight laid him by ? if that were all , for some have swore as false as they , if th' did no more . did they not swear to maintain law , in which that swearing made a flaw ? for protestant religion vow , that did that vowing disallow ? for priviledge of parliament , in which that swearing made a rent ? and , since , of all the three , not one is left in being , 't is well known . did they not swear , in express words , to prop and back the house of lords ? and after turn'd out the whole house-ful of peers , as dang'rous , and unuseful ? so cromwel with deep oaths and vows , swore all the commons out o' th' house , vow'd that the red-coats would disband , i marry would they at their command . and troul'd 'em on , and swore , and swore , till th' army turn'd 'em out of door ; this tells us plainly , what they thought , that oaths and swearing goes for nought . and that by them th' were only meant , to serve for an expedient . what was the publick faith found out for , but to slur men of what they fought for ? the publick faith , which ev'ry one is bound t' observe , yet kept by none ; and if that go for nothing , why should private faith have such a tye ? oaths were not purpos'd more than law , to keep the good and just in aw , but to confine the bad and sinful , like moral cattle in a pinfold , a saint's of th' heavenly realm a peer : and as no peer is bound to swear , but on the gospel of his honor , of which he may dispose , as owner ; it follows , though the thing be forgery , and false , th' affirm , it is no perjury , but a mere ceremony , and a breach of nothing , but a form of speech , and goes for no more when 't is took , than mere saluting of the book . suppose the scriptures are of force , they 're but commissions of course , and saints have freedom to digress , and vary from 'em as they please ; or misinterpret them , by private instructions , to all aims they drive at ; then why should we our selves abridge and curtail our own priviledge ? quakers ( that like to lanthorns , bear their light within 'em ) will not swear . their gospel is an accidence , by which they construe conscience , and hold no sin so deeply red , as that of breaking priscian's head ; ( the head and founder of their order , that stirring hats held worse than murder . ) these thinking th' are obliged to troth in swearing , will not take an oath ; like mules , who if th' have not their will to keep their own pace , stand stock still ; but they are weak , and little know what free-born consciences may do , 't is the temptation of the devil , that makes all humane actions evil : for saints may do the same things by the spirit , in syncerity , which other men are tempted to , and at the devils instance do ; and yet the actions be contrary , just as the saints and vvicked vary . for as on land there is no beast , but in some fish at sea 's exprest ; so in the vvicked there 's no vice , of which the saints have not a spice ; and yet that thing that 's pious in the one , in th' other is a sin. is 't not ridiculous , and nonsence , a saint should be a slave to conscience ? that ought to be above such fancies , as far , as above ordinances . she 's of the vvicked , as i guess , b' her lo●ks , her language , and her dress , and though , like constables , we search for false wares , one anothers church : yet all of us hold this for true , no faith is to the wicked due ; for truth is precious and divine , too rich a pearl for carnal swine . quoth hudibras , all this is true , yet 't is not fit that all men knew those mysteries and revelations ; and therefore topical evasions of subtle turns , and shifts of sence , serve best with th' vvicked for pretence , such as the learned jesuits use , and presbyterians , for excuse , against the protestants , when th' happen to find their churches taken napping . as thus : a breach of oath is duple , and either way admits a scruple , and may be ex parte of the maker , more criminal , than the injur'd taker . for he that strains too far a vow , will break it like an o'er-bent bow : and he that made , and forc'd it , broke it , not he that for convenience took it : a broken oath is , quatenus oath , as sound t' all purposes of troth , as broken laws are ne'er the worse , nay till th' are broken , have no force , what 's justice to a man , or laws , that never comes within their claws ? they have no pow'r , but to admonish , cannot controul , coerce , or punish , until they 're broken , and then touch those only that do make them such . beside , no engagement is allow'd , by men in prison made , for good ; for when they 're set at liberty , they 're from th' engagement too , set free : the rabbins write , when any jew did make to god , or man , a vow , which afterward he found untoward , and stubborn to be kept , or too hard ; any three other jews o' th' nation , might free him from the obligation : and have not two saints pow'r to use a greater priviledge than three jews ? the court of conscience , which in man should be supream and soveraign , is 't fit , should be subordinate to ev'ry petty court i' th' state , and have less power than the lesser , to deal with perjury at pleasure ? have it's proceedings disallow'd , or allow'd , at fancy of py-powder ? tell all it does , or does not know , for swearing ex officio ? be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge , and pigs unring'd at vis . franc. pledge . discover thieves , and bawds , recusants , priests , vvitches , eves-droppers , and nusance ; tell who did play at games unlawful , and who fill'd pots of ale but half full . and have no pow'r at all , nor shift , to help it self at a dead lift ? vvhy should not conscience have vacation , as well as other courts o' th' nation ? have equal power to adjourn appoint appearance and retorn ? and make as nice distinctions serve to split a case ; as those that carve invoking cuckolds names , hit joynts , why should not tricks as slight , do points ? is not the high-court of justice sworn to judge that law that serves their turn ? make their own jealousies high-treason , and fix 'em whomsoe'er they please on ? cannot the learned councel there , make laws in any shape appear ? mould 'em as vvitches do their clay , when they make pictures to destroy ? and vex 'em into any form , that fits their purpose to do harm ? rack 'em until they do confess , impeach of treason , whom they please , and most perfidiously condemn , those that engag'd their lives for them ? and yet do nothing in their own sence , but what they ought by oath and conscience ! can they not juggle , and , with slight conveyance , play with wrong and right ; and sell their blasts of wind as dear , as lapland witches botl'd air ? will not fear , favor , bribe , and grutch , the same case sev'ral ways adjudge ; as seamen with the self-same gale will sev'ral different courses sail ; as when the sea breaks o'er its bounds , and overflows the level grounds ; those banks and dams , that like a screen , did keep it out , now keep it in : so when tyrannical vsurpation invades the freedom of a nation , the laws o' th' land that were intended to keep it out , are made defend it . do's not in chanc'ry ev'ry man swear , what makes best for him in his answer ? is not the winding up witnesses , and nicking more than half the bus'ness ? for witnesses , like vvatches , go just as they 're set , too fast or slow . and where in conscience , th' are strait lac'd ; t is ten to one , that side is cast . do not your juries give their verdict as if they felt the cause , not heard it ? and as they please make matter of fact run all on one side , as th' are packt ? nature has made mans breast no windores , to publish what he does within doors ? nor what dark secrets there inhabit , unless his own rash folly blob it . if oaths can do a man no good , in his own bus'ness , why they shou'd in other matters do him hurt , i think there 's little reason for 't . he that imposes an oath , makes it , not he , that for convenience takes it : then how can any man be said to break an oath he never made ? these reasons may perhaps look odly to th' wicked , though they evince the godly ; but if they will not serve to clear my honor , i am ne'er the near . honor is like that glassy bubble that finds philosophers such trouble , whose least part crackt , the whole does fly , and vvits are crack'd , to find out why . quoth ralpho , honor 's but a word , to swear by only , in a lord : in other men 't is but a huff , to vapour with , instead of proof , that like a vven , looks big , and swels , is sensless , and just nothing else . let it ( quoth he ) be what it will , it has the vvorld's opinion still , but as men are not vvise that run the slightest hazard they may shun : there may a medium be found out to clear to all the vvorld the doubt ; and that is , if a man may do 't by proxy whipt , or substitute . though nice , and dark the point appear , ( quoth ralph ) it may hold up and clear . that sinners may supply the place of suff'ring saints is a plain case . justice gives sentence , many times , on one man for another's crimes : our brethren of new-england use choice malefactors to excuse , and hang the guiltless in their stead , of whom the churches have less need . as lately't happen'd : in a town , there liv'd a cobler , and but one , that out of doctrine could cut vse , and mend mens lives as well as shooes : this precious brother having slain , in times of peace , an indian ; ( not out of malice , but mere zeal , because he was an infidel ) the mighty tottipottymoy sent to our elders an envoy , complaining sorely of the breach , of league , held forth by brother patch , against the articles in force between both churches , his , and ours : for which he crav'd the saints to render into his hands , or hang th' offender : but they maturely having weigh'd , they had no more but him o' th' trade , ( a man , that serv'd them in a double capacity , to teach and cobble ) resolv'd to spare him , yet to do the indian hoghan moghan too impartial justice , in his stead did hang an old vveaver that was bed-rid . then wherefore may not you be skip'd , and in your room another whip'd : for all philosophers , but the sceptick , hold vvhipping may be sympathetick . it is enough , quoth hudibras , thou hast resolv'd , and clear'd the case , and canst in conscience , not refuse , from thy own doctrine , to raise vse : i know thou wilt not ( for my sake ) be tender-conscienc'd of thy back : then strip thee of thy carnal jerkin , and give thy outward-fellow a ferking : for when thy vessel , is new hoop'd , all leaks of sinning will be stop'd . quoth ralpho , you mistake the matter , for in all scruples of this nature , no man includes himself , nor turns the point upon his own concerns . as no man of his own self catches the itch , or amorous french aches : so no man does himself convince by his own doctrine of his sins . and though all cry down self , none means his own self in a literal sence . beside , it is not only foppish , but vile , idolatrous , and popish , for one man , out of his own skin , to frisk and whip another's sin : as pedants out of school-boys breeches , do claw and curry their own itches . but in this case it is profane , and sinful too , because in vain : for we must take our oaths upon it , you did the deed , when i have done it . quoth hudibras , that 's answer'd soon ; give us the vvhip , we 'll lay it on . quoth ralpho , that we may swear true , 't were properer that i whip'd you : for when with your consent 't is done , the act is really your own . quoth hudibras , it is in vain ( i see ) to argue ' gainst the grain ; or , like the stars , incline men to what they 're averse themselves to do , for when disputes are weari'd out , t is interest still resolves the doubt . but since no reason can confute ye , i 'll try to force you to your duty ; for so it is , how e'er you mince it , as ere we part i shall evince it , and curry ( if you stand out ) whether you will or no , your stubborn leather . canst thou refuse to bear thy part , i' th' publick vvork , base as thou art ? to higgle thus , for a few blows , to gain thy knight an opulent spouse , whose wealth his bowels yern to purchase , merely for th' interest of the churches ; and when he has it in his claws , will not be hide-bound to the cause ; nor shalt thou find him a curmudg in , if thou dispatch it without grudging : if not , resolve before we go , that you and i must pull a crow . y' had best ( quoth ralpho ) as the antients say wisely , have a care ' o th' main chance , and look before you ere you leap ; for , as you sow , you are like to reap . and were y' as good as george a ●reen , i shall make bold to turn agen ; nor am i doubtful of the issue in a just quarrel ; and mine is so . is 't sitting for a man of honor , to whip the saints like bishop bonner , a knight t' usurp the beadles office , for which y' are like to raise brave trophies ? but i advise you ( not for fear , but for your own sake ) to forbear , and for the churches , which may chance from hence , to spring a variance ; and raise among themselves new scruples , whom common danger hardly couples . remember how in arms and politicks , we still have worsted all your holy tricks . trappan'd your party with intregue , and took your grandees down a peg , new-modell'd th' army , and cashier'd all that to legion smec adher'd , made a mere utensil o' your church and after left it in the lurch , a scaffold to build up our own , and when w' done with 't , pull'd it down , o'er reach'd your rabbins of the synod , and snap'd their cannons with a why-not . ( grave synod-men that were rever'd for sollid face and depth of beard ) their classique-model prov'd a maggot , their directory and indian pagod . and drown'd their discipline like a kitten , on which th' had been so long a fitting ; decry'd it as a holy cheat , grown out of date , and obsolete , and all the saints o' the first grass , as casting foles of balams ass . at this the knight grew high in chafe , and staring furiously on ralph , he trembl'd and lookt pale with ire , like ashes first , then red as fire . have i ( quoth he ) been ta'en in fight , and for so many moons lay'n by 't ; and when all other means did fail , have been exchang'd for tubs of ale : not but they thought me worth a ransom , much more considerable and handsom , but for their own sakes , and for fear , they were not safe , when i was there ? now to be baffl'd by a scoundrel , an upstart sect'ry and a mungrel , such as breed out of peccant humors of our own church , like vvens , and tumors and like a maggot in a sore , would that which gave it life , devour : it never shall be done , nor said : with that he seiz'd upon his blade . and ralpho too , as quick and bold , upon his basket hilt laid hold , with equal readiness prepar'd to draw , and stand upon his guard , when both were parted on the sudden , with hideous clamour , and a loud one , as of all sorts of noise had been contracted into one loud din ; or that some member to be chosen , had got the odds above a thousand ; and by the greatness of his noise , prov'd fittest for his countreys choice . this strange surprisal put the knight , and wrathful squire into a fright ; and though they stood prepar'd , with fatal , impetious rancour , to joyn battle ; both though it was their wisest course , to wave the fight , and mount to horse ; and to secure , by swift retreating , themselves from danger of worse beating . yet neither of them would disparage , by utt'ring of his mind , his courage , which made 'em stoutly keep their ground with horror and disdain , wind-bound . and now the cause of all their fear , by slow degrees approach'd so near , they might distinguish diff'rent noise of horns , and pans , and dogs , and boys , and kettle drums , whose sullen dub sounds like the hooping of a tub : but when the sight appear'd in view , they found it was an antique show , a triumph , that for pomp , aud state , did proudest romans emulate ; for as the aldermen of rome for foes at training overcome , and not enlarging territory , ( as some mistaken write in story ) being mounted in their best aray , upon a carre , and who but they ? and follow'd with a a world of tall lads , that merry ditties trol'd , and ballads ; did ride , with many a good morrow , crying , hey for our town through the burrough : so when this triumph drew so nigh , they might particulars descry , they never saw two things so pat , in all respects , as this , and that . first he that led the cavalcate , wore a sowgelders flagellate , on which he blew so strong a levet , as well fee'd lawyer on his breviate . when over one another's heads , they charge ( three ranks at once ) like swedes next pans , and kettles of all keys , from trebles down to double-base , and , after them upon a nag , that might pass for a forehand stag , a cornet rode , and on his staff , a smock display'd , did proudly wave , then bagpipes of the loudest drones , with snuffing broken-winded tones ; whose blasts of air in pockets shut , sound filthier than from the gut , and make a viler noise than swine in windy-weather , when they whine . next , one upon a pair of panniers , full fraught with that , which for good manners shall here be nameless , mixt with grains which he dispenc'd among the swains , and busily upon the crowd , at random round about bestow'd . then mounted on a horned horse , one bore a gauntlet and gilt-spurs . ty'd to the pummel of a long swor he held reverst the point turn'd downward . next after , on a raw-bon'd steed , the conqueror's standard-bearer rid , and bore aloft before the champion a petticoat display'd , and rampant ; near whom the amazon triumphant , bestrid her beast , and on the rump on 't sate face to tayl , and bum to bum , the warrier whilome overcome ; arm'd with a spindle and a distaff , which as he rode , she made him twist off ; and when he loiter'd , o'er her shoulder , chastiz'd the reformado souldier . before the dame , and round about , march'd whiflers , and staffiers on foot , with lacquies , grooms , valets and pages , in fit and proper equipages ; of whom , some torches bore , some links , before the proud virago-minx , that was both madam , and a don , like nero's sporus , or pope joan ; and at fit periods the whole rout set up their throats with clam'rous shout . the knight transported , and the squire put up their weapons , and their ire ; and hudibras , who us'd to ponder on such sights , with judicious wonder , could hold no longer to impart his animadversions , for his heart . quoth he , in all my life till now , i ne'er saw so prophane a show . it is a paganish invention , which heathen writers often mention : and he , who made it , had read goodwin ( i warrant him ) and understood him : with all the grecians speeds and stows : that best describe those antient shows , and has observ'd all fit decorums , vve find describ'd by old historians . for as a roman conqueror , that put an end to forraign vvar , ent'ring the town in triumph for it , bore a slave with him , in his chariot : so this insulting female brave carries behind her here , a slave , and as the ancients long ago , vvhen they in field defy'd the foe , hung out their mantles della guer ; so her proud standard-bearer here , waves , on his spear , in dreadful manner , a tyrian-petticoat for a banner : next links , and torches , heretofore still born before the emperor : and as in antique triumphs , eggs were born for mystical intregues ; there 's one in truncheon , like a ladle , that carries eggs too , fresh or adle ; and still at random , as he goes , among the rabble-rout bestows . quoth ralpho , you mistake the matter ; for , all th' antiquity you smatter , is but a riding , us'd of course , vvhen the grey mares the better horse . vvhen o'er the breeches greedy women fight , to extend their vast dominion , and in the cause impatient grizel has drubb'd her husband with bulls-pizle , and brought him under covert-baron , to turn her vassail with a murrain ; vvhen wives their sexes shift , like hares and ride their husbands , like night-mares , and they in mortal battle vanquish'd , are of their charter dis-enfranchis'd , and by the right of vvar , like gils , condemn , to distaff , horns , and vvheels ; for when men by their vvives are cow'd , their horns of course are understood , quoth hudibras , thou still giv'st sentence ●mpertinently , and against sence . t is not the least disparagement , to be defeated by th' event : not to be beaten by main force , that does not make a man the worse , although his shoulders , with batoon , be claw'd and cudgell'd to some tune ; a taylors prentice has no hard measure , that 's bang'd with a true yard : but to turn tail , or run away , and without blows give up the day ; or to surrender ere the assault , that 's no man's fortune , but his fault : and renders men of honor less than all th' adversity of success , and only unto such this shew of horns , and petticoats , is due . there is a lesser profanation , like that the romans call'd ovation . for as ovation was allow'd for conquest , purchas'd without blood , so men decree those lesser shows , for vict'ry gotten without blows . by dint of sharp hard words , which some give battle with , and overcome ; these mounted in a chair curule , vvhich moderns call a cucking-stool , march proudly to the river's side , and o'er the vvaves in triumph ride . like dukes of venice , who are sed the adriatique sea to wed , and have a gentler wife , than those , for whom the state decrees those shows . but both are heathenish and come from th' whores of babylon and rome , and by the saints should be withstood , as antichristian and lewd , and we , as such , should now contribute our utmost struglings to prohibite . this said , they both advanc'd , and rod , a dog-trot through the bawling crowd , t' attack the leader , and still prest , till they approach'd him breast to breast . then hudibras , with face and hand , made signs for silence , which obtain'd : what means ( quoth he ) this dev'ls procession with men of orthodox profession ? 't is ethnique and idolatrous , from heathenism deriv'd to us . does not the whore of babylon ride upon her horned beast astride , like this proud dame , who either is a type of her , or she of this ? are things of superstitious function , fit to be us'd in gospel sunshine ? it is an antichristian opera , much us'd in midnight times of popery ; a running after self-inventions of wicked and profane intentions ; to scandalize that sex , for scolding , to whom the saints are so beholding , women , who were our first apostles , without whose aid w' had all been lost else ; women , that left no stone unturn'd , in which the cause might be concern'd : brought in their childrens spoons and whistles , to purchase swords , carbines , and pistols : their husbands , cullies , and sweet-hearts , to take the saints and churches parts ; drew several gifted brethren in , that for the bishops would have been , and fix'd them constant to the party , with motives pow'rful and hearty : their husbands rob'd , and made hard shifts t' administer unto their guifts ; all they could rap , and run and pilfer , to scraps , and ends of gold and silver ; rub'd down the teachers , tir'd and spent , with holding forth for parliament ; pamper'd and edify'd their zeal with marrow-puddings many a meal ; enabled them , with store of meat , on controverted points to eat ; and cram'd them till their guts did ake , with cawdle , custard , and plum-cake . what have they done , or what left undone , that might advance the cause at london ? march'd rank and file , with drum and ensign , t' entrench the city , for defence , in ; rais'd rampiers with their own soft hands , to put the enemy to stands ; from ladies down to oyster-wenches , labour'd like pioneers in trenches , fell to their pick-axes and tools , and help'd the men to dig like moles ? have not the handmaids of the city , chosen o' their members a committee ? for raising of a common-purse , out of their wages , to raise horse ? and do they not as triers sit , to judge what officers are fit ? have they — ? at that at an egg , let fly , hit him directly o'er the eye , and running down his cheek , besmear'd , with orange-tawny-slime , his beard : but beard , and slime being of one hue , the wound the less appear'd in view . then he that on the panniers rode , let fly o' th' other side a load ; and quickly charg'd again , gave fully in ralpho's face , another volley . the knight was startl'd with the smell , and for his sword began to feel : and ralpho smother'd with the stink , grasp'd his : when one that bore a link , o' th' sudden , clap'd his flaming cudgel , like linstock , to the horse's touch-hole ; and streight another with his flambeaux , gave ralpho's , o'er the eyes , a damn'd blow . the beasts began to kick , and fling , and forc'd the rout to make a ring . through which they quickly broke their way , and brought them off from further fray ; and though disorder'd in retreat , each of them stoutly kept his seat : for quitting both their swords and rains , they grasp'd with all their strength the manes ; and to avoid the foes pursuit , with spurring put their cattle to 't , and till all four were out of wind , and danger too , ne'r look't behind . after th' had paus'd a while , supplying their spirits spent with fight and flying , and hudibras recruited force , of lungs , for action or discourse : quoth he , that man is sure to lose , that fouls his hands with durty foes : for where no honor 's to be gain'd , t is thrown away in being maintain'd , 't was ill for us we had to do with so dishonorable a foe : for though the law of arms does bar the use of venom'd shot in war , yet by the nauseous smell , and noisom , their case-shot favours strong of poison ; and doubtless have been chew'd with teeth of some that had a stinking breath : else when we put it to the push , they had not giv'n us such a brush . but as those pultroons that fling durt , do but defile , but cannot hurt ; so all the honor they have won , or we have lost , is much at one . 't was well we made so resolute a brave retreat , without pursuit ; for if we had not , we had sped much worse , to be in triumph led ; than which , the ancients held no state , of man's life more unfortunate . but if this bold adventure e'er do chance to reach the widows ear , it may , b'ing destin'd to assert her sex's honor , reach her heart . and as such homely treats ( they say ) portend good fortune , so this may . vespasian being dawb'd with durt , was destin'd to the empire for 't : and from a scavinger did come to be a mighty prince in rome : and why may not this foul address presage in love the same success ? then let us streight to cleanse our wounds , advance in quest of nearest ponds ; and after ( as we first design'd ) swear i 've perform'd what she enjoin'd . canto iii. the argument . the knight with various doubts possest to win the lady , goes in quest of sidrophel the rosy-crucian , to know the dest'nies resolution ; with whom being met , they both chop logick about the science astrologick . till falling from dispute , to fight , the conjurer's worsted by the knight . doubtless the pleasure is as great of being cheated , as to cheat . as lookers-on feel most delight , that least perceive a juglers slight ; and still the less they understand , the more th' admire his slight of hand . some with a noise , and greasie light , are snapt , as men catch larks by night ; ensnar'd and hamper'd by the soul , as noozes by the legs catch foul. some with a med'cine , and receipt , are drawn to nibble at the bait ; and though it be a two-foot trout , 't is with a single hair pull'd out . others believe no voice t' an organ ; so sweet as lawyer in his bar-gown . until , with subtle cobweb-cheats , th' are catch'd in knotted law , like nets : in which , when once they are imbrangled , the more they stir , the more th're tangled ; and while their purses can dispute , there 's no end of th' immortal suit. others still gape t' anticipate the cabinet designs of fate , apply to wisards to fore-see what shall , and what shall never be : and as those vulturs do foreboad , believe events prove bad , or good . a flam more sensless than the roguery of old auruspicy and augury . that out of garbages of cattle , presag'd th' events of truce , or battle ; from flight of birds , or chickins pecking , success of great'st attempts would reckon , though cheats , yet more intelligible , than those that with the stars do fribble . this hudibras by proof found true , as in due time and place we 'll shew . for he , with beard and face made clean , being mounted on his steed agen , ( and ralpho got a cock-horse too upon his beast , with much ado ) advanc'd on for the widows house , t' acquit himself and pay his vows ; when various thoughts began to bustle , and with his inward man to justle . he thought what danger might accrue , if she should find he swore untrue : or , if his squire , or he should fail , and not be punctual in their tale ; it might at once the ruine prove both of his honor , faith , and love. but if he should forbear to go , she might conclude h 'had broke his vow ; and that he durst not now for shame appear in court to try his claim . this was the pen'worth of his thought , to pass time , and uneasie trot . quoth he , in all my past adventures , i ne'er was set so on the tenters , or taken tardy with dilemma , that , every way i turn , does hem me ; and with inextricable doubt , besets my puzled wits about : for though the dame has been my bail , to free me from enchanted jail : yet as a dog committed close for some offence , by chance breaks loose , and quits his clog ; but all in vain , he still draws after him his chain . so though my ankle she has quitted , my heart continues still committed . and like a bayl'd and mainpriz'd lover , although at large , i am bound over . and when i shall appear in court , to plead my cause , and answer for 't unless the judge do partial prove , what will become of me and love ? for , if in our account we vary , or but in circumstance miscarry , or if she put me to strict proof , and make me pull my doublet off , to shew by evident record , writ on my skin , i 've kept my word : how can i e'er expect to have her , having demurr'd unto her favour ? but faith , and love , and honor lost , shall be reduc'd t' a knight o' th' post : beside , that stripping may prevent what i'm to prove by argument ; and justifie i have a tail , and that way too , my proof may fail . or that i could enucleate , and solve the problems of my fate ; or find by necromantick art , how far the dest'nies take my part ; for if i were not more than certain , to win , and wear her , and her fortune , i 'd go no farther in this courtship , to hazard soul , estate , and worship . for though an oath obliges not , where any thing is to be got , ( as thou hast prov'd , ) yet 't is profane and sinful , when men swear in vain . quoth ralph , not far from hence doth dwell a cunning man , hight sidrophel , that deals in destinies dark counsels , and sage opinions of the moon sells ; to whom all people far and near , on deep importances repair . when brass and pewter hap to stray , and linnen slinkt out of the way ; when geese and pullen are seduc'd , and sows of sucking pigs are chews'd ; when cattle feel indisposition , and need th' opinion of physitian ; when murrain reigns in hogs , or sheep , and chickens languish of the pip ; when yeast , and outward means do fail , and have no pow'r to work on ale ; when butter does refuse to come , and love proves cross and humorsome : to him with questions , and with vrine , they for discov'ry flock , or curing . quoth hudibras , this sidrophel i've heard of , and should like it well , if thou canst prove the saints , have freedom , to go to sorc'rers when they need ' em . says ralpho , there 's no doubt of that : those principles i quoted late , prove that the godly may alledge for any thing their priviledge ; and to the dev'l himself may go , if they have motives thereunto . for as there is a war between the dev'l and them , it is no sin , if they , by subtle stratagem , make use of him , as he does them . has not this present parliament a legar to the devil sent , fully empower'd to treat about finding revolted witches out : and has not he , within a year , hang'd threescore of them in one shire ? some only for not being drown'd , and some for sitting above ground , whole days and nights upon their breeches , and feeling pain , were hang'd for witches . and some for putting knavish tricks upon green-geese , and turkey chicks , or pigs , that suddenly deceast , of griefs unnat'ral , as he guest ; who after prov'd himself a witch , and made a rod for his own breech . did not the dev'l appear to martin luther , in germany , for certain ; and would have gull'd him with a trick , but mart. was too too politick ? did he not help the dutch to purge , at antwerp , their cathedral church ? sing catches to the saints at mascon , and tell them all they came to ask him ? appear in divers shapes to kelly ? and speak i' th' nun at londons belly ? meet with the parliament's committee at woodstock , on a pars'nal treaty ? at sarum take a cavalier i' th' cause's service , prisoner ? as withers in immortal rime has register'd to after-time ? do not our great reformers use this sidrophel to foreboad news ? to write of victories next year , and castles taken yet i' th' air ; of battels fought at sea , and ships sunk , two years hence , the last eclips ? a total o'erthrow giv'n the king in cornwal , horse , and foot , next spring ? and has not he point-blank foretold whats'er the close committee would ? made mars and saturn for the cause , the moon for fundamental laws ? the ram , and bull , and goat declare against the book of common pray'r ? the scorpion take the protestation , and bear engage for reformation ? made all the royal stars recant , compound , and take the covenant . quoth hudibras , the case is clear , the saints ma' imploy a conjurer , as thou hast prov'd it by their practice , no argument like matter of fact is : and we are best of all led to mens principles by what they do . then let us strait advance in quest of this profound gymnosophist : and as the fates , and he advise , pursue , or wave this enterprise . this said , he turn'd about his steed , and estsoons on th' adventure rid , where , leave we him and ralph a while , and to the conj'rer turn our stile : to let our reader understand what 's useful of him , before hand , he had been long t'wards mathematicks , opticks , philosophy , and staticks , magick , horoscopy , astrology , and was old dog at physiology ; but , as a dog that turns the spit , bestirs himself , and plies his feet , to climb the wheel ; but all in vain , his own weight brings him down again : and still he 's in the self-same place , where at his setting out he was . so in the circle of the arts , did he advance his nat'ral parts ; till falling back still , for retreat , he fell to juggle , cant , and cheat ; for as those fowls that live in water are never wet , he did but smatter ; whate'er he labour'd to appear , his understanding still was clear . yet none a deeper knowledge boasted , since old hodg bacon , and bod grosted , th' intelligible world he knew , and all men , dream on 't , to be true : that in this world , there 's not a wart , that has not there a counterpart ; nor can there on the face of ground , an individual beard be found , that has not , in that foreign nation , a fellow of the self-same fashion ; so cut , so color'd , and so curl'd , as those are , in th' inferior world , h 'had read dee's prefaces before the dev'l , and euclide o'er and o'er . and all th' intrigues , 'twixt him and kelly , lescus , and th' emperor , would not tell ye . but with the moon was more familiar than e'er was almanack well-willer . her secrets understood so clear , that some believ'd he had been there . knew when he was in fittest mood , for cutting corns , or letting blood : when for anointing scabs and itches , or to the bum applying leeches ; when sows and bitches may be spade , and in what sign best sider's made , whether the wane be , or increase , best to set garlick , or sow pease . who first found out the man i' th' moon , that to the ancients was unknown ; how many dukes , and earls , and peers , are in the planetary spheres , their airy empire : and command their sev'ral strengths by sea and land ; what factions th' have , and what they drive at in publick vogue , and what in private ; with what designs and interests , each party manages contests , he made an instrument to know if the moon shine at full or no , that would as soon as e'er she shon , strait whether 't were day or night demonstrate ; tell what her d'ameter t' an inch is , and prove she is not made of green-cheese : it would demonstrate , that the man in the moon 's a sea mediterranean . and that it is no dog , nor bitch , that stands behind him at his breech ; but a huge caspian sea , or lake with arms which men for legs mistake , how large a gulph his tail composes , and what a goodly bay his nose is ; how many german leagues by th' scale , cape-snout's from promontory-tayl : he made a planetary gin , which rats would run their own heads in , and come o' purpose to be taken , without th' expence of cheese or bacon ; with lute-strings he would counterfeit maggots , that crawl on dish of meat , quote moles and spots , on any place o' th' body , by the index-face : detect lost maidenheads , by sneezing , or breaking wind of dames , or pissing . cure warts and corns , with application of med'cines , to th' imagination . fright agues into dogs , and scare with rimes the tooth-ach and catarrh . chase evil spirits away by dint of cickle horseshooe , hollow-flint . spit fire out of a walnut-shell , which made the roman slaves rebell . and fire a mine in china , here , with sympathetick gunpowder . he knew whats'ever's to be known , but much more than he knew , would own . what med'cine 't was that paracelsus could make a man with , as he tells us . what figur'd slats are best to make , on wat'ry surface , duck or drake . what bowling-stones , in running race upon a board , have swiftest pace . whether a pulse beat in the black list of a dapl'd louse's back . if systole or diastole move quickest , when he 's in wrath , or love : when two of them do run a race , whether they gallop , trot , or pace , how many scores a flea will jump , of his own length , from head to rump ; which socrates , and chaerephon in vain , essay'd so long agon ; whether his snout a perfect nose is , and not an elephant's proboscis , how many different specieses of maggots breed in rotten cheese , and which are next of kin to those engendred in a chandler's nose . or those not seen , but understood , that live in vinegar and wood ; a paultry wretch , he had , half-starv'd , that him in place of zany serv'd ; hight whachum , bred to dash and draw , not wine , but more unwholsome law : to make 'twixt words and lines , huge gaps , wide as meridians in maps . to squander paper , and spare ink , or cheat men of their words , some think ; from this , by merited degrees , he to more high advancement rise : to be an under - conjurer , or journy-man astrologer : his bus'ness was to pump and wheedle , and men with their own keys unriddle . to make them to themselves give answers , for which they pay the necromancers . to fetch and carry intelligence , of whom , and what , and where , and whence , and all discoveries disperse , among th' whole pack of conjurers ; what cutpurses have left with them , for the right owners to redeem ; and , what they dare not vend , find out , to gain themselves , and th' art , repute . draw figures , schemes , and horoscopes , of newgate , bridewell , brokers shops . of thieves ascendent in the cart , and find out all by rules of art. which way a serving-man that 's run with cloaths or mony away , is gone : who pick'd a fob , at holding-forth , and where a watch , for half the worth , may be redeem'd ; or stolen plate restor'd , at conscionable rate . beside all this , he serv'd his master in quality of poetaster : and rimes appropriate could make , to ev'ry month i' th' almanack . when terms begin , and end , could tell , with their returns , in doggerel . when the exchequer opes and shuts , and sowgelder , with safety cuts . when men may eat and drink their fill , and when be temp'rate if they will. when use , and when abstain from vice , figs , grapes , phlebotomy , and spice . and as in prisons , mean rogues beat hemp , for the service of the great ; so whachum beat his durty brains , t' advance his masters fame and gains ; and like the devil's oracles , put into dogrel-rimes his spells , which over ev'ry months blank-page i' th' almanack , strange bilks presage . he would an elegy compose on maggots squeez'd out of his nose ; in lyrick numbers write an ode on his mistriss , eating a black-pudden : and when imprison'd air escap'd her , it puft him with poetick rapture : his sonnets charm'd th' attentive crowd , by wide-mouth'd mortal troul'd aloud ; that , circl'd with his long-ear'd guests , like orpheus look'd , among the beasts , a carman's horse could not pass by , but stood ty'd up to poetry , no porter's burthen past along , but serv'd for burthen to his song . each windore , like a pill'ry appears , with heads thrust through , nail'd by the ears : all trades run in as to the sight of monsters , or their dear delight ; the gallow-tree , when cutting purse , breeds bus'ness for heroick verse , which none does hear , but would have hung i 've been the theame of such a song . those two together long had liv'd , ●n mansion prudently contriv'd ; where neither tree , nor house could bar the free detection of a star ; and nigh an antient obelisk was rais'd by him , found out by fisk , on which was written , not in words , but hieroglyphick mute of birds , many rare pithy saws concerning the worth of astrologick learning : from top of this there hung a rope , to which he fastned telescope ; the spectacles , with which the stars he reads in smallest characters . it hapned as a boy , one night , did fly his tarsel of a kite , the strangest long-wing'd hauk that slies , that like a bird of paradise . or heralds martlet , has no legs , nor hatches young ones , nor lay eggs ; his train was six yards long , milk-white , at th' end of which there hung a light , enclos'd in lanthorn made of paper , that far off like a star did appear . this sidrophel by chance espy'd , and with amazement staring wide , bless us , quoth he , what dreadful wonder is that , appears in heaven yonder ? a comet , and without a beard ? or star , that ne're before appear'd ; i 'm certain , 't is not in the scrowl , of all those beasts , and fish and fowl , with which , like indian plantations , the learned stock the constellations : nor those that drawn from signs have bin , to th' houses where the planets inn. ●t must be supernatural , uuless it be that cannon-ball , that , shot in th' air , point-blank , upright , was born to that prodigious height , that learn'd philosophers maintain , it ne're came backwards , down agen ; but in the aëry region yet , hangs like the body o' mahomet . for if it be above the shade , that by the earths round bulk is made , 't is probable , it may , from far , appear no bullet but a star. this said , he to his engine flew , plac'd near at hand , in open view , and rais'd it , till it levell'd right against the glow-worm tail of kite . then peeping through , ( bless us quoth he ) it is a planet now i see ; and if i err not , by this proper figure , that 's like tobacco-stopper , it should be saturn : yes , 't is clear 't is saturn , but what makes him there ? he 's got between the dragon's tail , and farther leg behind , o' th' whale ; pray heaven , divert the fatal omen , for 't is a prodigy not common , and can no less than the worlds end , of natures funeral portend . with that he fell again to pry through perspective more wistfully , when by mischance , the fatal string that kept the tow'ring fowl on wing , breaking , down fell the star : well shot , quoth whachum , who right wisely though● h 'had levell'd at a star , and hit it : but sidrophel more subtle-witted , cry'd out , what horrible and fearful , portent is this , to see a star fall ? it threatens nature , and the doom will not be long before it come . when stars do fall , 't is plain enough , the day of judgment 's not far off : as lately 't was reveal'd to sedgwick . and some of us find out by magick . then , since the time we have to live , in this world 's shortned , let us strive , to make our best advantage of it , and pay our losses with our profit . this feat fell out , not long before the knight upon the forenam'd score , in quest of sidrophel advancing , was now in prospect of the mansion : whom he discovering , turn'd his glass , and found far off , 't was hudibrass . whachum ( quoth he ) look yonder ; some to try , or use our art , are come : the one 's the learned knight ; seek out , and pump'em , what they come about . whachum advanc'd with all submissness , t' accost 'em , but much more , their bus'ness . he held the stirrup , while the knight , from leathern bare-bones did alight , and taking from his hand , the bridle , approach'd the dark squire to unriddle . he gave him first the time o' th' day , and welcom'd him , as he might say : he ask'd them whence they came , and whither their business lay ? quoth ralpho , hither ; did you not lose — quoth ralpho , nay ; quoth whachum , sir , i meant your way ; your knight — quoth ralpho , is a lover , and pains intolerable doth suffer , for lovers hearts are not their own hearts , nor lights nor lungs , and so forth downwards ; what time — quoth ralpho , sir too long , three years it off and on , has hung — quoth he , i meant what time o' th' day ' t is . quoth ralpho , between seven and eight ' t is . why then ( quoth whachum ) my small art tells me , the dame has a hard heart , or great estate — quoth ralph , a joynter , which makes him have so hot a mind t' her . mean while the knight was making water , before he fell upon the matter ; which having done , the wizard steps in , to give him a suitable reception ; but kept his bus'ness at a bay , till whachum put him in the way . who having now by ralpho's light , expounded th' errand of the knight , and what he came to know , drew near , to whisper in the conj'rers ear . which he prevented thus : what was 't , quoth he , that i was saying last , before these gentlemen arriv'd ? quoth whachum , venus you retriv'd , in opposition with mars , and no benigne friendly stars t' allay th' effect . quoth wizard , so ! in virgo ? ha! quoth whachum , no. has saturn nothing to do in 't ? one tenth of 's circle to a minute . 't is well , quoth he — sir you 'l excuse this rudeness , i am forced to use , it is a scheme , and face of heaven as the aspects are dispos'd , this even , i was contemplating upon , when you arriv'd : but now i 've done . quoth hudibras , if i appear unseasonable in coming here at such a time , to interrupt your speculations , which i hop'd assistance from , and come to use , 't is fit that i ask your excuse . by no means , sir , quoth sidrophel , the stars your coming did foretel : i did expect you here , and know , before you speak your bus'ness too . quoth hudibras , make that appear , and i shall credit whatsoe'er you tell me after on your word , howe're unlikely , or absurd . you are in love , sir , with a widow , quoth he , that does not greatly heed you ; and three years has rid your wit and passion without drawing bit : and now your bus'ness is , to know if you shall carry her , or no. quoth hudibras , you 're in the right , but how the devil you come by 't , i cann't imagine ; for the stars i 'm sure , can tell no more than a horse , nor can their aspects ( though you pore your eyes out on ' em ) tell you more than the oracle of sive and sheers , that turns as certain as the spheres ; but if the devil 's of your counsel , much may be done , my noble donzel , and 't is on this account i come , to know from you my fatal doom . quoth sidrophel , if you suppose , sir knight , that i am one of those , i might suspect and take the alarm , your bus'ness is but to inform : but if it be , 't is ne'er the near , you have a wrong sow by the ear , for i assure you , for my part , i only deal by rules of art , such as are lawful , and judge by conclusions of astrology : but for the devil , know nothing by him , but only this , that i defie him . quoth he , whatever others deem ye i understand your metonymie ; your words of second hand intention , when things by wrongful names you mention ; the mystick sense of all your terms , that are indeed but magick charms , to raise the devil , and mean one thing , and that is , down-right conjuring : and in its self more warrantable , than cheat , or canting to a rabble , or putting tricks upon the moon , which by confederacy are done . your ancient conjurers were wont to make her from her sphere dismount , and to their incantations stoop , they scorn'd to pore through telescope , or idly play at bo-peep with her , to find out cloudy , or fair weather , which every almanack can tell , perhaps , as learnedly , and well , as you your self — then friend i doubt you go the farthest way about . your modern indian magician makes but a hole i' th' earth to piss in , and streit resolves all questions by 't , and seldom fails to be i' th' right . the rosy-crucian way 's more sure , to bring the devil to the lure ; each of 'em has a sev'ral gin , to catch intelligences in . some by the nose with fumes trappan 'um , as dunstan did the devil's grannum . others with characters and words , catch 'em as men in nets do birds . and some with symbols , signs and tricks , engarv'd in planetary nicks , with their own influences , will fetch 'em , down from their orbs , arrest and catch'em ; make 'em depose , and answer to all questions e'er they let him go . bumbastus , kept a devil's bird shut in the pummel of his sword , that taught him all the cunning pranks , of past and future mountebanks . kelly did all his feats upon the devil 's looking-glass , a stone , where playing with him at bo-peep , he solv'd all problems ne're so deep . agrippa kept a stygian-pug , i' th' garb and habit of a dog , that was his tutor ; and the curr read to th' occult philosopher , and taught him subtly to maintain all other sciences are vain . to this , quoth sidrophello , sir , agrippa was no conjurer , nor paracelsus , no nor behman ; nor was the dog a cacodoemon , but a true dog , that would shew tricks for th' emperor , and leap o're sticks ; would fetch and carry , was more civil , than other dogs , but yet no devil ; and whatsoe'er he 's said to do , he went the self-same way we go . as for the rosie-cross philosophers , whom you will have to be but sorcerers ; what they pretend to , is no more , than trismegistus did before , pythagoras , old zoroaster , and appollonius their master ; to whom they do confess i ow , all that they do , and all they know . quoth hudibras , alas what is 't to us , whether 't were said by trismegistus : if it be nonsence , false , or mystick , or not intelligible , or sophistick . 't is not antiquity , nor author , that makes truth truth , although time's daughter ; 't was he that put her in the pit , before he pull'd her out of it . and as he eats his sons , just so he feeds upon his daughters too . nor do's it follow , cause a herald can make a gentleman scarce a year old , to be descended of a race , of ancient kings in a small space ; that we should all opinion hold authentick , that we can make old . quoth sidrophel , it is no part of prudence , to cry down an art ; and what it may perform , deny because you understand not why . ( as averrhois play'd but mean trick , to damn our whole art for excentrick ) for who knows all that knowledge contains ? men dwell not on the tops of mountains , but on their sides , or rising's seat ; so 't is with knowledge's vast height , do not the hist'ries of all ages relate miraculous presages , of strange turns in the world's affairs , ●oreseen b' astrologers , soothsayers , ●haldeans , learn'd genethliacks , and some that have writ almanacks ? the median emp'rour dream't his daughter , had pist all asia under water , and that a vine , sprung from her hanches , o'erspread his empire , with its branches ; and did not soothsayers expound it , as after by th' event he found it ? when caesar in the senate fell , did not the sun eclips'd foretel , and in resentment of his slaughter , look'd pale for almost a year after ? augustus having , b' oversight , put on his left shoe , 'fore his right , had like to have been slain that day , by soldiers mutining for pay . are there not myriads of this sort , which stories of all times report ? is it not ominous in all countreys , when crows and ravens croak upon trees ? the roman senate , when within the city-walls an owl was seen ; did cause their clergy with lustrations ; ( our synod calls humiliations , ) the round-fac'd prodigy t' avert from doing town or country hurt . and if an owl have so much pow'r , why should not planets have much more ? that in a region , far above inferior fowls o' th' air , move , and should see farther , and fore-know , more then their augury below : though that once serv'd the polity of mighty states to govern by ; and this is that we take in hand , by pow'rful art to understand . which , how we have perform'd , all ages can speak th' events of our presages , have we not lately in the moon found a new world to th' old unknown ? discover'd sea and land , columbus and magell●n could never compass ? made mountains with our tubes appear , and cattle gazing on 'em there ? quoth hudibrass , you lie so ope , that i , without a telescope , can find your tricks out , and desery where you tell truth , and where you lie . for anaxagoras long agon , saw hills , as well as you i' th' moon ; and held the sun was but a piece of red-hot-ir'n as big as greece ; believ'd the heavens were made of stone , because the sun had voided one ; and rather than he would recant th' opinion , suffer'd banishment ▪ but what , alas , what is 't to us , whether i' th' moon , men thus or thus , do eat their porridge , cut their corns , or whether they have tails or horns ? what trade from thence can you advance but what we nearer have from france ? what can our travellers bring home , that is not to be learnt at rome ? what politicks , or strange opinions , that are not in our own dominions ? what science can be brought from thence , in which we do not here commence ? what revelations , or religions , that are not in our native regions ? are sweating lanthorns , or screen-fans made better there , than th' are in france ? or do they teach to sing and play o' th' gittar there a newer way ? can they make plays there , that shall fit the publick humor with less wit ? write wittier dances , quainter shows , or fight with more ingenious blows ? or does the man i' th' moon look big , and wear a huger periwig , shew in his gate , or face , more tricks than our own native lunaticks ? but if w' out-do him here at home , what good of your design can come ? as wind i' th' hypochondrias pent is but a blast if downward sent ; but if it upwards chance to fly , becomes new light and prophecy : so when our speculations tend , above their just and useful end , although they promise strange and great , discoveries of things far fet , they are but idle dreams and fancies , and savor strongly of the ganzas , tell me but what 's the nat'ral cause , why on a sign no painter draws the full-moon ever , but the half , resolve that with your jacobs-staff ; or why wolves raise a hubbub at her , and dogs howl when she shines in water ; and i shall freely give my vote , you may know something more remote . at this deep sidrophel look'd wise , and staring round with owl-like eies , he put his face into a posture of sapience , and began to bluster ; for having three times shook his head to stir his wit up , thus he said . art has no mortal enemies next ignorance , but owls and geese ; those consecrated geese in orders , that to the capitol were warders : and being then upon petrol , with noise alone beat of the gaul . or those athenian sceptick owls , that will not credit their own souls ; or any science understand , beyond the reach of eye , or hand : but meas'ring all things by their own knowledge , hold , nothing 's to be known . those whole-sale criticks , that in coffee-houses , cry down all philosophy . and will not know , upon what ground in nature , we our doctrine found ; although with pregnant evidence , we can demonstrate it to sence . as i just now have done to you , foretelling what you came to know , were the stars only made to light robbers and burglaries by night ? to wait on drunkards , thieves , gold-finders , and lovers solacing behind doors ? or giving one another pledges ? of mrtrimony under hedges ? or witches simpling , and on gibbets cutting from malefactors snippets ? or from the pillory tips of ears of rebel-saints , and perjurers ? only to stand by and look on , but not know what is said or done ? is there a constellation there , that was not born and bred up here ? and therefore cannot be to learn , in any inferior concern . were they not , during all their lives , most of 'm pirats , whores , and thieves ? and is it like they have not still in their old practises some skill ? is there a planet that by birth does not derive its house from earth ? and therefore probably must know what is , and hath been done below ? who made the ballance , or whence came the bull , the lion , and the ram ? did not we here , the argo rigg make berenice's periwig ? whose liv'ry does the coachman wear ? or who made cassiopoea's chair ? and therefore as they came from hence , with us may hold intelligence . plato deyn'd , the world can be govern'd without geometry , ( for mony b'ing the common scale of things by measure , weight , and tale ; in all th' affairs of church and state , 't is both the ballance and the weight : ) then much less can it be without divine astrology made out , that puts the other down in worth , as far as heaven's above earth . the reasons ( quoth the knight ) i grant are something more significant than any that the learned use , upon this subject to produce ; and yet , th' are far from satisfactory t' establish and keep up your factory . the egyptians say , the sun has twice shifted his setting and his rise ; twice has he risen in the west , as many times set in the east ; but whether that be true , or no , the devil any of you know . some hold , the heavens , like a top , are kept by circulation up ; and 't were not for their wheeling round , they 'd instantly fall to the ground : as sage empedocles of old , and from him modern authors old . plato believ'd the sun and moon , below all other planets run . some mercury , some venus seat above the sun himself in height . the learned scaliger complain'd ' gainst what copernicus maintain'd , that in twelve hundred years , and odd , the sun had left his ancient road , and nearer to the earth , is come 'bove fifty thousand miles from home ▪ swore 't was a most notorious flam , and he that had so little shame to vent such fopperies abroad , deserv'd to have his rump well claw'd ; which monsieur bodin hearing : swore that he deserv'd the rod much more , that durst upon a truth give doom , he knew less then the pope of rome . cardan believ'd , great states depend upon the tip o' th' bears tails end ; that as she whisk'd it t'wards the sun , strow'd mighty empires up and down ; which others say must needs be false , because your true bears have no tails . some say , the zodiack-constellations have long since chang'd their antique stations above a sign ; and prove the same , ●n taurus now , once in the ram ; affirm the trigon chop'd and chang'd , the watry with the fiery rang'd ; then how can their effects still hold to be the same they were of old . this , though the art were true , would make our modern soothsayers mistake ; and is one cause they tell more lies , in figures and nativities , than th' old chaldean conjurers , in so many hundred thousand years ; beside their nonsense in translating , for want of accidence and latine . like idus and calendae englisht the quarter-days , by skilful linguist , and yet with canting , slight , and cheat 't will serve their turn to do the seat ; make fools believe in their fore-seeing of things before they are in being ; to swallow gudgeons ere th' are catch'd , and count their chickens ere th' are hatch'd , make them the constellations prompt , ●nd give 'em back their own accompt : ●ut still the best to him that gives ●he best price for 't , or best believes . ●ome towns and cities , some , for brevity , ●ave cast the versal world's nativity ; ●nd made the infant-stars confess , ●ike fools or children , what they please : ●ome calculate the hidden fates ●f monkeys , puppy-dogs , and cats , ●ome running nags , and fighting-cocks ; ●ome love , trade , law-suits , and the pox ; ●ome take a measure of the lives ●f fathers , mothers , husbands , wives , ●ake opposition , trine , and quartile ; ●ell who is barren , and who fertile , ●s if the planet's first aspect ●he tender infant did infect in soul and body , and instill all future good , and future ill : which , in their dark fatalities lurking , at destin'd periods fall a working ; and break out like the hidden seeds of long diseases into deeds , in friendships , enmities and strife , and all th' emergences of life : no sooner does he peep into , the world , but he has done his do , catch'd all diseases took all physick , that cures , or kills a man that is sick ; marry'd his punctual dose of wives , is cuckolded , and breaks or thrives . there 's but twinckling of a star between a man of peace and war , a thief and justice , fool and knave , a huffing officer and a slave , a crafty lawyer and pick-pocket , 〈◊〉 great philosopher and a block-head , 〈◊〉 formal preacher and player , 〈◊〉 learn'd physitian and man-slayer . ●s if men from the stars did suck ●ld-age , diseases , and ill-luck , ●it , folly , honor , virtue , vice , ●rade , travel , women , claps , and dice ; ●nd draw with the first air they breath , battel , and murther , sudden death , ●re not these fine commodities , ●o be imported from the skies ? ●nd vended here among the rable , ●or staple goods , and warrantable ? ●ike money by the druids borrow'd , ● th' other world to be restor'd . quoth sidrophel , to let you know you wrong the art and artists too : since arguments are lost on those that do our principles oppose ; i will ( althougth i 've don 't before ) demonstrate to your sense once more , and draw a figure that shall tell you what you perhaps forget , befel you ; by way of horary inspection , which some account our worst erection . with that , he circles draws , and squares with cyphers , astral characters ; then looks 'em o'er , to understand 'em , although set down hab-nab , at random . quoth he , this scheme o' th' heavens set discovers how in fight you met at kingston with a maypole idol , and that y'were bang'd both back and side well : and though you overcame the bear , the dogs beat you at brentford fair ; where sturdy butcher broke your noddle , and handl'd you like a fop-doodle . quoth hudibras , i now perceive you are no conj'rer , b' your leave , that paultry story is untrue , and forg'd to cheat such gulls as you . not true ? quoth he , how e'er you vapor , i can , what i affirm , make appear ; whachum shall justifie 't to your face , and prove he was upon the place : he play'd the saltintbanco's part , transform'd t' a frenchman by my art , he stole your cloak , and pick'd your pocket , chews'd , and caldes'd ye like a block-head : and what you lost i can produce if you deny it , here i' th' house . quoth hudibras , i do believe , that argument's demonstrative ; ralpho , bear witness , and go fetch us a constable to seize the wretches : for though th' are both false knaves and cheats , impostors , juglers , counterfets , i 'll make them serve for perpendiculars , as true , as e'er were us'd by brick-layers ; they 're guilty by their own confessions , of felony ; and at the sessions upon a bench i will so handle 'em , that the vibration of this pendulum shall make all taylors yards , of one unanimous opinion : a thing he long has vapour'd of , but now shall make out it by proof . quoth sidrophel , i do not doubt , to find friends , that will bear me out : nor have i hazarded my art , and neck , so long on the states part , to be expos'd i' th' end to suffer , by which a braghadocio huffer . huffer , quoth hudibras , this sword shall down thy false throat , cram that word , ralpho , make haste , and call an officer , to apprehend this stygian sophister ; mean while i 'll hold 'em at a bay , lest he and whachum run away . but sidrophel , who from th' aspect of hudibras , did now erect , a figure worse portending far , than that of most malignant star : believ'd it now the fittest moment , to shun the danger that might come on 't , while hudibras was all alone , and he and whachum , two to one ; this being resolv'd , he spy'd by chance , behind the dore , an iron lance , that many a sturdy limb had gor'd , and legs , and loyns , and shoulders bord . he snatch'd it up , and made a pass , to make his way through hudibras . whachum had a fire-fork , with which he vow'd to do his work. but hudibras was well prepar'd , and stoutly stood upon his guard. he put by sidrophello's thrust , and in , right manfully , he rusht , the weapon from his gripe he wrung , and laid him on the earth along . whachum his seacole-prong threw by , and basely turn'd his back to fly . but hudibras gave him a twitch as quich as lightning in the breech . just in the place , where honor 's lodg'd , as wise philosophers have judg'd ; because a kick in that part more hurts honor , than deep wounds before . quoth hudibras , the stars determine . you are my prisoners , base vermine . could they not tell you so , as well as what i came to know , foretel ? by this , what cheats you are , we find , that in your own concerns are blind : your lives are now at my dispose , to be redeem'd by fine or blows : but who his honor would defile , to take , or fell two lives so vile ; i 'll give you quarter , but your pillage , the conqu'ring warrier's crop and tillage , which with his sword he reaps , and plows ; that mine , the law of arms allows . this said , in haste he fell to romaging of sidrophel . first , he expounded both his pockets , and found a watch with rings and lockets , which had been left with him , t' erect a figure for , and so detect . a copper-plate , with almanacks engrav'd upon 't , with other knacks , of booker's , lillie's , sarah jimmers ; and blank-schemes to discover nimmers ; a moon-dial , with napier's bones , and several constellation-stones , engrav'd in planetary hours , that over mortals had strange powers to make 'em thrive in law , or trade ; and stab , or poyson , to evade ; in wit , or wisdom to improve , and be victorious in love. whachum had neither cross nor pile , his plunder was not worth the while ; all which the conqu'ror did discompt , to pay for curing of his rump . but sidrophel , as fulls of tricks , as rota-men of politicks , streight cast about to over-reach th' unwary conqu'ror with a fetch , and make him glad , ( at least ) to quit his victory , and fly the pit , before the secular prince of darkness arriv'd to seize upon his carkass . and , as a fox , with hot pursuit , chac'd through a warren , cast about to save his credit , and among dead vermin on a gallows hung ; and while the dogs ran underneath , escap'd ( by counterfeiting death ) not out of cunning , but a train of atoms justling in his brain , as learn'd philosophers give out : so sidrophello cast about , and fell to 's wonted trade again , to feign himself in earnest slain , first ▪ stretch'd out one leg , then another , and seeming in his breast to smother , a broken sigh ; quoth he , where am i , alive or dead ? or which way came i through so immense a space so soon ? but now , i thought my self i' th' moon ; and that a monster with huge wiskers , more formidable than a switzers , my body through and through had dril'd , and whachum by my side , had kill'd , had cross examin'd both our hose , and plunder'd all we had to lose ; look there he is , i see him now , and feel the place i am run through and there lies whachum by my side , stone-dead , and in his own blood dy'd . oh! oh! with that he fetch'd a grone , and fell again into a swoun . shut both his eies , and stopt his breath , and , to the life , out acted - death . that hadibras , to all appearing , believ'd him to be dead as herring . he held it now no longer safe , to tarry the return of ralph ; but rather leave him in the lurch ; thought he , he has abus'd our church , refus'd to give himself one firk , to carry on the publick work . despis'd our synod-men like durt . and made their discipline his sport ; divulg'd the secrets of their classes , and their conventions prov'd high places ; disparag'd their tith-pigs , as pagan , and set at nought their cheese and bacon ; rail'd at their covenant , and jear'd their rev'rend parsons to my beard , for all which scandals to be quit , at once , this juncture falls out fit , i 'll make him henceforth , to beware , and tempt my fury , if he dare : he must ( at least ) hold up his hand , by twelve free-holders to be scan'd , who by their skill in palmistry , will quickly read his destiny ; and make him glad to read his lesson , or take a turn for 't at the session : unless his light and gifts prove truer , than ever yet they did , i 'm sure ; for if he scape with whipping now , 't is more than he can hope to do , and that will disingage my conscience , of th' obligation , in his own sense . i 'll make him now by force abide , what he by gentle means deny'd , to give my honor satisfaction , and right the brethren in the action . this being resolv'd with equal speed , and conduct , he approach'd his steed ; and with activity unwont , essay'd the lofty beast to mount ; which once atchiev'd , he spurr'd his palfrey , to get from th' enemy , and ralph , free ; left danger , fears , and foes behind , and beat , at least three lengths , the wind. an heroical epistle of hudibras to sidrophel . ecce iterum crispinus — well sidrophel , though 't is in vain to tamper with your crazy brain , without trepanning of your scull . as often as the moon 's at full : 't is not amiss , ere y' are giv'n o'er , to try one desp'rate med'cine more : for where your case can be no worse , the desp'rat'st is the wisest course . i●'t possible , that you , whose ears are of the tribe of issachars , and might ( with equal reason ) either for merit , or extent of leather , with william pryn's , before they were retrench'd , and crucifi'd compare , should you be deaf against a noise so roaring as the publick voice ? that speaks your virtues free and loud , and openly in ev'ry croud . as loud as one that sings his part t' a wheel-barrow or turnip cart , — or your new nicknam'd old invention , to cry green hastings with an engine . ( as if the vehemence had stun'd , and torn your drum-heads with the sound ) and ' cause your folly 's now no news , but over-grown and out of use . persuade your self there 's no such matter , but that 't is vanish'd out of nature , when folly , as it grows in years , the more extravagant appears . for who but you could be possest with so much ignorance , and beast , that neither all mens scorn , and hate , nor being laugh'd and pointed at , nor bray'd so often in a morter , can teach you wholesome sense , and nurture ? but ( like a reprobate ) what course s'ever's us'd , grow worse and worse ? can no transfusion of the blood , that makes fools cattle , do you good ? nor putting pigs t' a bitch to nurse , to turn 'em into mungrel-curs , put you into a way , at least , to make your self a better beast ; can all your critical intrigues of trying sound from rotten eggs ; your several new-found remedies , of curing wounds , and scabs in trees ; your arts of fluxing them from claps , and purging their infected saps , recov'ring shankers , chrystallines , and nodes and botches in their rindes , have no effect to operate upon that duller block , your pate , but still it must be lewdly bent to tempt your own due punishment — ? and like your whimsey'd chariots draw the boys to course you without law ? ●s if the art you have so long ●rofest , of making old dogs young , in you had virtue to renew not only youth , but childhood too . can you , that understand all books by judging only with your looks , resolve all problems with your face , as others do with b's , and a's , unriddle all that mankind knows with solid bending of your brows , all arts and sciences advance , with screwing of your countenance , and with a penetrating eye , into th' abstrusest learning pry , know more of any trade b' a hint , than those that have been bred up in 't ▪ and yet have no art true , or false to help your own bad naturals ? but still the more you strive t' appear , are found to be the wretcheder . for fools are known by looking wise , as men find woodcocks by their eies . hence 't is , that ' cause y'have gai'nd o' th' colledge , a quarter-share ( at most ) of knowledge , and brought in none , but spent repute , y' assume a pow'r as absolute to judge and censure , and controll , as if you were the sole sir poll and saucily pretend to know more then your dividend comes to , you 'll find the thing will not be done , with ignorance , and face alone : no though y' have purchas'd to your name , in history so great a fame , that now your talent's so well known , for having all belief outgrown ; that ev'ry strange prodigious tale is measur'd by your german scale , — by which the virtuosi try the magnitude of ev'ry ly , cast up to what it does amount : and place the big'st to your account . that all those stories that are lay'd too truly to you , and those made , are now still charg'd upon your score , and lesser authors nam'd no more . alas that faculty destroys those soonest , it designs to raise . and all your vain renown will spoil , as guns o're-charg'd the more recoyl . though he that has but impudence to all things has a fair pretence and put among his wants , but shame , to all the world may lay his claim : though you have try'd that nothing's born with greater ease than publique scorn ; that all affronts do still give place to your impenetrable face ; that makes your way through all affairs , as pigs through hedges creep with theirs . yet as 't is counterfeit and brass you must not think 't will always pass ; for all impostors , when they 'r known , are past their labor , and undone . and all the best that can befall an artificial natural , is that which madmen find , as soon as once th' are broke loose from the moon and proof against her influence , relapse to e're so little sense to turn stark fools , and subjects fit for sport of boys , and rabble-wit . annotations to the second part . but now t' observe , &c. the beginning of this second part may perhaps seem strange and abrupt to those who do not know , that it was written of purpose , in imitation of virgil , who begins the iv book of his aeneides in the very same manner , at regina gravi , &c. and this is enough to satisfie the curiosity of those who believe that invention and fancy ought to be measur'd ( like cases in law ) by precedents , or else they are in the power of the critick . a saxon duke did grow so fat . this history of the duke of saxony , is not altogether so strange as that of a bishop his country-man , who was quite eaten up with rats and mice . king pyrrhus cur'd his splenetick , and testy courtiers with a kick . pyrrhus king of epirus , who as pliny says , had this occult quality in his toe , pollicis in dextro pede tactu lienosis medebatur . l. . c. . in close catasta shut , &c. catasta is but a pair of stocks in english , but heroical poetry must not admit of any vulgar word ( especially of paultry signification ) and therefore some of our modern authors are fain to import foraign words from abroad , that were never before heard of in our language . 't was he that made st. francis do , &c. the ancient writers of the lives of saints , were of the same sort of people , who first writ of knight-errantry , and as in the one , they rendred the brave actions of some very great persons ridiculous , by their prodigious lies , and sottish way of describing them : so they have abus'd the piety of some very devout persons , by imposing such stories upon them , as this upon st. francis. this made the beautious queen of crete . the history of pasiphae is common enough , only this may be observ'd , that though she brought the bull a son and heir ; yet the husband was fain to father it , as appears by the name , perhaps because the country being an island , he was within the four seas , when the infant was begotten . as your own secretary albertus . albertus magnus was a sweedish bishop , who wrote a very learned work , de secretis mulierum . unless it be to squint and laugh . pliny in his natural history affirms , thatvni animalium homini oculi depravantur , unde cognomina strabonum & paetorum . lib. . as fryar bacon's noddle was . the tradition of fryar bacon and the brazen-head , is very commonly known , and considering the times he liv'd in , is not much more strange then what another great philosopher of his name , has since deliver'd up of a ring , that being ty'd in a string , and held like a pendulum in the middle of a silver bowl , will vibrate of it self , and tell exactly against the sides of the divining cup , the same thing with , time is , time was , &c. or like some indians sculls so tough , that authors say th' are musket proof . american indians , among whom ( the same authors affirm ) that there are others , whose sculls are so soft , to use their own words , vt digito perforari possunt . or oracle from heart of oak . jupiters oracle in epirus , near the city of dodona . vbi nemus erat jovi sacrum , querneum totum in quo jovis dodonaei templum fuisse narratur . semiramis of babylon . semiramis , queen of assyria , is said to be the first that invented eunuchs . semiramis teneros mares castravit omnium prima . am. marcel . l. . p. . which is something strange in a lady of her constitution , who is said to have receiv'd horses into her embraces ( as another queen did a bull ) but that perhaps may be the reason , why she after thought men not worth the while . for some philosophers of late here . s.k.d. in his book of bodies ; who has this story of the german-boy , which he endeavors to make good by several natural reasons ; by which those who have the dexterity to believe what they please , may be fully satisfied of the probability of it . a persian emp'ror whip'd his granum . xerxes who us'd to whip the seas and winds . in corum , atque eurum solitus sevire flagellis , juven . sat. . so the ancient stoicks in their porch . in porticu ( stoicorum scholâ athenis ) discipulorum seditionibus , mille quadringenti triginta cives interfecti sunt diog. laert. in vita zenonis p. . those old virtuoso's were better proficients in those exercises , than the modern , who seldom improve higher than cuffing , and kicking . that bonum is an animal . bonum is such a kind of animal , as our modern virtuosi , from don quixot , will have windmils under sail to be . the same authors are of opinion , that all ships are fishes while they are afloat , but when they are run on ground , or laid up in the dock , become ships again . — in a town there liv'd a cobler , and but one . this history of the cobler has been attested by persons of good credit , who were upon the place when it was done . have been exchang'd for tubs of ale. the knight was kept prisoner in exeter , and after several exchanges propos'd , but none accepted of , was at last releas'd for a barrel of ale , as he often us'd , upon all occasions , to declare . bore a slave with him in his chariot . — et sibi consul . ne placeat , curru servus portatur eodem juven . sat . hung out their mantles della guer. tunica coccinea solebat pridie quam dimicandum esset , supra praetorium poni quasi admonitio & indicium futurae pugnae lipsius in tacit. p. . next links and torches , &c. that the roman emperors were wont to have torches born before them ( by day ) in publick , appears by herodion in portinance . lip. in tacit. p. . vespatian being daub'd with dirt. c. caesr succensens , propter curam verrendis viis non adhibitam , luto jussit oppleri , congesto per milites in praetextae sinum . sueton in vespas . ca. . has not this present parliament , a ledger to the devil sent ? the witchfinder in suffolk , who in the presbyterian times had a commission to discover witches , ( of whom ( right or wrong ) he caus'd to be hang'd within the compass of one year , and among the rest an old minister , who had been a painful preacher for many years . did he not help the dutch to purge . at antwerp their cathedral church ? in the beginning of the civil wars of flanders , the common people of antwerp , in a tumult , broke open the cathedral church ; to demolish images and shrines : and did so much mischief in a small time , that strada writes , there were several devils seen very busie among them , otherwise it had been impossible . sing catches to the saints at mascon . this devil of mascon deliver'd all his oracles , like his forefathers , in verse , which he sung to tunes : he made several lampoons upon the hugonots , and foretold them many things , which afterwards came to pass ; as may be seen in his memoires , written in french. appear in divers shapes to kelly , and speak i' th' nun at london's belly . the history of dr. dee and the devil , published by mer. causabon , isac . fil. prebend of canterbury , has a large accompt of all those passages ; in which the stile of the true and false angels appears to be penn'd by one and the same person . the nun of london in france , and all her tricks have been seen by many persons of quality of this nation , yet living , who have made very good observations upon the french book written upon that occasion . meet with the parliaments committee at woodstock on a pers'nal treaty . a committee of the long parliament sitting in the king● house in woodstock-park , were terrify'd with several apparitions , the particulars whereof were then the news of the whole nation . at sarum took a cavalier . withers has a long story in doggerel , of a soldier of the kings army , who being a prisoner at sali●bury , and drinking a health to the devil upon his knees , was carried away by him through a single pane of glass . since old hodg-bacon . roger bacon , commonly called fryar bacon , liv'd in the reign of our edward the i. and for some little skill he had in the mathematicks , was , by the rabble , accounted a conjurer , and had the sottish story of the brazen head father'd upon him , by the ignorant monks of those days . robert grosthead was bishop of lincoln in the reign of hen. iii. he was a learned man for those times , and for that reason suspected by the clergy to be a conjurer , for which crime being degraded by pope innocent the iv. and summon'd to appear at rome , he appeal'd to the tribunal of christ ; which our lawyers say is illegal , if not a praemunire , for offering to sue in a foreign court. which socrates and chaerephon in vain assay'd so long agone . aristophanes in his comedy of the clouds brings in socrates and chaerephon , measuring the leap of a flea , from the ones beard to the others . was rais'd by him , found out by fisk. this fisk was a late famous astrologer , who flourish'd about the time of subtle and face , and was equally celebrated by ben. johnson . unless it be that cannon-ball . this experiment was try'd by some foreign virtuoso's who planted a piece of ordnance point-blanc against the zenith , and having fir'd it , the bullet never rebounded back again , which made them all conclude , that it sticks in the mark ; but des cartes was of opinion , that it does but hang in the air. as lately was reveal'd to sedgwyck . this sedgwyck had many persons ( and some of quality ) that believ'd in him , and prepar'd to keep the day of judgment with him , but were disappointed ; for which the false prophet was afterwards call'd by the name of doomesday sedgwyck . your modern indian magician , makes but a hole in th' earth to piss in . this compendious new way of magick is affirm'd by monsieur le blanc ( in his travels ) to be us'd in the east-indies . bumbastus kept a devils bird , &c. paracelsus is said to have kept a small devil pris'ner in the pummel of his sword , which was the reason , perhaps , why he was so valiant in his drink ; howsoever it was to better purpose than annibal carry'd poyson in his , to dispatch himself , if he should happen to be surpriz'd in any great extremity , for the sword would have done the feat alone , much better , and more soldier-like . and it was below the honor of so great a commander , to go out of the world like a rat. agrippa kept a stygian pug. cornelius agrippa had a dog , that was suspected to be a spirit , for some tricks he was wont to do , beyond the capacity of a dog , as it was thought ; but the author of magia adamica has taken a great deal of pains to vindicate both the doctor and the dog , from that aspersion , in which he has shown a very great respect and kindness for them both . as averrhois play'd but a mean trick . averrhois astronomiam propter excentricos contempsit . phil. melancton in elem. phys . p. . the median emp'ror dreamt his daughter . astyages king of media had this dream of his daughter mandane , and the interpretation from the magi , wherefore he married her to a persian of mean quality , by whom she had cyrus , who conquer'd all asia , and translated the empire from the medes to the persians . herodot . l. . when caesar in the senate fell . fiunt aliquando prodigiosi , & longiores solis defectus , quales occiso caesare dictatore & antoniano bello , totius anni pallore continuo , plin. augustus having b' oversight , &c. divus augustus laevum sibi prodidit calceum praepostere indutum , quo die seditione militum propè afflictus est , idem . lib. . the roman senate when within , the city walls an owl was seen . romani l. crasso & c. maria coss . bubone viso orbem lustrabant . for anaxagoras long agone , saw hills , as well as you , i' th' moon . anaxagoras affirmabat solem candens ferrum esse , & peloponesso majorem : lunam habitacula in se habere , & colles , & valles . fertur dixisse caelum omne ex lapidibus esse compositum ; damnatus & in exilium pulsus est , quod impie , solem candentem laminam esse dixisset . diogen . laert. in anaxag . p. . . the aegyptians say , the sun has twice shifted his setting and his rise . aegyptii decem millia annorum , & amplius , recensent ; & observatum est in hoc tanto spatio , bis mutata esse loca ortuum & occasuum solis ; ita ut sol bis ortus sit ubi nunc occidit , & bis descenderit ubi nunc oritur . phil. melanct. lib. . p. . some hold the heavens like a top , are kept by circulation up . causa quare caelum non cadit , ( secundum empedoclem ) est velocitas sui motus , comment . in l. . aristot . de caelo . plato believ'd the sun and moon below all other planets run . plato solem & lunam caeteris planetis inferiores esse putavit , g. cunning. in cosmogr . l. . p. . the learned scaliger complain'd . copernicus in libris revolutionum , deinde reinholdus , post etiam stadius , mathematici nobiles perspicuis demonstrationibus docuerunt , solis apsida terris esse propriorem , quam ptolomaei aetate duodecim partibus , i. e. uno & triginta terrae semidiametris . jo. bod. met. hist . p. . cardan believ'd great states depend , &c. putat cardanus , ab extrema cauda helices seu majori● ursae omne magnum imperium pendere . id. p. . than th' old chaldean conjurers in so many hundred thousand years . chaldaei jactant se quadringinta septuaginta annorum millia in periclitandis , experiundisque puerorum animis posuisse . cicero . like money by the druids borrow'd , &c. druidae pecuniam mutuo accipiebant in posteriore vita redituri . patricius tom. . p. . that paultry story is untrue , and forg'd to cheat such gulls as you . there was a notorious idiot ( that is here describ'd by the name and character of whacum ) who counterfeited a second part of hudibras , as untowardly as captain po , who could not write himself , and yet made a shift to stand on the pillory , for forging other mens hands , as his fellow whachum , no doubt deserv'd ; in whose abominable doggerel this story of hudibras and a french mountebank at brentford . fair is as properly describ'd . that the vibration of this pendulum , shall make all taylors yards , of one unanimous opinion . the device of the vibration of a pendulum , was intended to settle a certain measure of ells and yards , &c. ( that should have its foundation in nature ) all the world over ; for by swinging a weight at the end of a string , and calculating ( by the motion of the sun , or any star ) how long the vibration would last , in proportion to the length of the string , and weight of the pendulum ; they thought to reduce it back again , and from any part of time , compute the exact length of any string , that must necessarily vibrate in so much space of time : so that if a man should ask in china for a quarter of an hour of satin or taffeta , they would know perfectly what it meant . and all mankind learn a new way to measure things no more by the yard , foot , or inch , but by the hour , quarter , and minute . before the secular prince of darkness . as the devil is the spiritual prince of darkness , so is the constable the secular , who governs in the night with as great authority as his colleague , but far more imperiously . finis . hudibras . the third and last part . written by the authour of the first and second parts . london , printed for robert horne , and are to be sold by tho. basset at the george in fleet-street . . licensed and enter'd according to the act of parliament for printing . hudibras . the third and last part. the argument of the first canto of the third part. the knight and squire resolve at once , the one the other to renounce . they both approach the ladie 's bower , the squire t' inform , the knight to woo her . she treats them with a masquerade , by furies and hobgoblins made : from which the squire conveys the knight , and steals him , from himself , by night . canto i. 't is true , no lover has that pow'r t' enforce a desperate amour , as he that has two strings to 's bow , and burns for love and money too : for then he 's brave and resolute , disdains to render in his suit , has all his flames and raptures double , and hangs or drowns with half the trouble . while those who sillily pursue the simple downright way , and true , make as unlucky applications , and steer against the stream their passions . some forge their mistresses of stars , and when the ladies prove averse , and more untoward to be won , than by caligula the moon , cry out upon the stars for doing ill offices to cross their wooing ; when onely by themselves they 'r hindred , for trusting those they made her kindred : and still the harsher and hide-bounder the damsels prove , become the fonder . for what mad lover ever dy'd , to gain a soft and gentle bride ? or for a lady tender-hearted , in purling streams or hemp departed ? leap'd headlong in t ' elizium , through th' windows of a dazling room ? but for some cross ill-natur'd dame , the amo'rous fly burnt in his flame . this to the knight could be no news , with all mankind so much in use ; who therefore took the wiser course , to make the most of his amours , resolv'd to try all sorts of ways , as follows in due time and place . no sooner was the bloody fight between the wizard and the knight with all th' appurtenances over , but he relaps'd again t' a lover : as he was always wont to doe when h' had discomfited a foe , and us'd the only antick philters deriv'd from old heroick tilters . but now triumphant and victorious , he held th' achievement was too glorious for such a conquerour , to meddle with pettey constable , or beadle ; or fly for refuge to the hostess of th' inns of court and chanc'ry , justice : who might , perhaps , reduce his cause to th' ordeal tryal of the laws ; where none escape , but such as branded with red-hot irons have past bare-handed ; and if they cannot read one verse i' th' psalms , must sing it , and that 's worse . he therefore , judging it below him , to tempt a shame the devil might owe him , resolv'd to leave the squire for bail and mainprize for him , to the gaol , to answer , with his vessel , all that might disastrously befall . he thought it now the fittest juncture , to give the lady a rencounter ; t' acquaint her with his expedition , and conquest o're the fierce magician ; describe the manner of the fray , and shew the spoils he brought away ; his bloody scourging aggravate , the number of the blows and weight : all which might probably succeed , and gain belief h' had done the deed . which he resolv'd t' enforce , and spare no pawning of his soul , to swear ; but , rather than produce his back : to set his conscience on the rack : and , in pursuance of his urging of articles perform'd , and scourging , and all things else upon his part , demand deliv'ry of her heart , her goods , and chattels , and good graces , and person , up to his embraces . thought he , the ancient errant knights won all their ladies hearts in fights , and cut whole giants into fitters , to put them into amorous twitters ; whose stubborn bowels scorn'd to yield until their gallants were half kill'd : but when their bones were drubb'd so sore they durst not wooe one combat more , the ladies hearts began to melt , subdu'd with blows their lovers felt , so spanish heroes with their lances at once wound bulls and ladies fancies : and he acquires the noblest spouse that widows greatest herds of cows . then what may i expect to do , wh ' have quell'd so vast a buffalo ? mean while the squire was on his way , the knight's late orders to obey ; who sent him for a strong detachment of beadles , constables , and watchmen , t' attack the cunning-man for plunder committed falsely on his lumber , when he , who had so lately sack'd the enemy , had done the fact , had rifled all his pokes and fobs of gimcracks , whims and jiggumbobs , which he by hook or crook had gather'd , and for his own inventions father'd : and when they should , at gaol-delivery , unriddle one another's thievery , both might have evidence enough to render neither halter-proof . he thought it desperate to tarry , and venture to be accessary : but rather wisely slip his fetters , and leave them for the knight , his betters . he call'd to mind th' unjust foul play he would have offer'd him that day , to make him curry his own hide , which no beast ever did beside , without all possible evasion , but of the riding dispensation . and therefore much about the hour , the knight ( for reasons told before ) resolv'd to leave him to the fury of justice and an unpack'd jury , the squire concurr'd t' abandon him , and serve him in the self-same trim ; t' acquaint the lady what h' had done , and what he meant to carry on ; what project 't was he went about , when sidrophel and he fell out ; his firm and stedfast resolution , to swear her to an execution ; to pawn his inward ears , to marry her . and bribe the devil himself to carry her . in which both dealt , as if they meant their party saints to represent , who never fail'd , upon their sharing in any prosperous arms-bearing , to lay themselves out , to supplant each other cosin-german saint . but e'r the knight could do his part , the squire had got so much the start , h' had to the lady done his errand , and told her all his tricks afore-hand . just as he finish'd his report , the knight alighted in the court ; and having ty'd his beast t' a pale , and taken time for both to stale ▪ he put his band and beard in order , the sprucer to accost and board her ; and now began t' approach the door : when she , wh ' had spy'd him out before , convey'd th' informer out of sight , and went to entertain the knight . with whom encountring after longees of humble and submissive congees , and all due ceremonies paid , he stroak'd his beard , and thus he said : madam , i do , as is my duty , honour the shadow of your shoe-tye : and now am come , to bring your ear a present you 'l be glad to hear ; at least i hope so . the thing 's done , or may i never see the sun ; for which i humbly now demand performance at your gentle hand : and that you 'ld please to do your part , as i have done mine to my smart . with that he shrugg'd his sturdy back , as if he felt his shoulders ake . but she , who well enough knew what ( before he spoke ) he would be at , pretended not to apprehend the mystery of what he mean'd : and therefore wish'd him to expound his dark expressions less profound . madam , quoth he , i come to prove how much i 've suffer'd for your love , which ( like your votary ) to win , i have not spar'd my tatter'd skin : and , for those meritorious lashes , to claim your favour and good graces , quoth she , i do remember once i freed you from th' inchanted sconce ; and that you promis'd , for that favour , to bind your back to th' good behaviour , and for my sake and service vow'd to lay upon 't a heavy load , and what 't would bear t' a scruple prove , as other knights do oft make love . which , whether you have done or no , concerns your self , not me , to know . but if you have , i shall confess , y' are honester than i could guess . quoth he , if you suspect my troth , i cannot prove it but by oath ; and , if you make a question on 't , i 'll pawn my soul , that i have don 't . and he that makes his soul his surety , i think , does give the best security . quoth she , some say , the soul 's secure against distress and forfeiture ; is free from action , and exempt from execution and contempt ; and to be summon'd to appear in th' other world , s'illegal here : and therefore few make any account , int ' what incumbrances they run't . for most men carry things so even between this world , and hell and heaven , without the least offence to either , they freely deal in all together ; and equally abhor to quit this world for both , or both for it . and when they pawn and damn their souls , they are but pris'ners on parols . for that , quoth he , 't is rational , they may be accomptable in all . for when there is that intercourse between divine and humane pow'rs , that all that we determine here commands obedience every where ; when penalties may be commuted for fines , or ears , and executed ; it follows , nothing binds so fast as souls in pawn and mortgage past . for oaths are th' only tests and scales of right and wrong , and true and false ; and there 's no other way to try the doubts of law and justice by . quoth she , what is it you would swear ? there 's no believing till i hear : for till th' are understood , all tales ( like nonsense ) are not true , nor false . quoth he , when i resolv'd t' obey what you commanded th' other day , and to perform my exercise , ( as schools are wont ) for your fair eyes ; t' avoid all scruples in the case , i went to do 't upon the place . but as the castle is inchanted by sidrophel the witch , and haunted with evil spirits , as you know , who took my squire and me for two ; before i 'd hardly time to lay my weapons by , and dis-array , i heard a formidable noise , loud as the stentrophonick voice , that roar'd far off , dispatch and strip , i 'm ready with th' infernal whip , that shall devest thy ribs of skin , to expiate thy lingring sin. th' hast broke perfidiously thy oath , and not perform'd thy plighted troth ; but spar'd thy renegado back , where th' hadst so great a prize at stake : which now the fates have order'd me for penance , and revenge to flay , vnless thou presently make haste . time is , time was : and there it ceas'd . with which though startled , i confess , yet th' horrour of the thing was less than th' other dismal apprehension of interruption or prevention . and therefore snatching up the rod , i laid upon my back a load ; resolv'd to spare no flesh and blood , to make my word and honour good . till tir'd , and taking truce at length , for new recruits of breath and strength , i felt the blows still ply'd as fast , as if th' had been by lovers plac'd in raptures of platonick lashing , and chast contemplative bardashing . when facing hastily about , to stand upon my guard and scout , i found th' infernal cunning-man , and th' vnder-witch , his caliban , with scourges ( like the furies ) arm'd , that on my outward quarters storm'd . in haste i snatch'd my weapon up , and gave their hellish rage a stop ; call'd thrice upon your name , and fell courageously on sidrophel : who now transform'd himself t' a bear , began to roar aloud and tear ; when i as furiously prest on , my weapon down his throat to run , laid hold on him : but he brok loose , and turn'd himself into a goose , div'd under water , in a pond , to hide himself from being found . in vain i sought him , but as soon as i perceiv'd him fled and gone , prepar'd with equal haste and rage , his vnder-sorcerer t' ingage . but bravely scorning to defile my sword with feeble bloud and vile ; i judg'd it better from a quick-set-hedge to cut a knotted stick , with which i furiously laid on ; till in a harsh and dolefull tone it roar'd , oh hold for pitty , sir , i am too great a sufferer , abus'd , as you have been , b' a witch , but conjur'd in t ' a worse caprich : who sends me out on many a jaunt , old houses in the night to haunt , for opportunities t' improve designs of thievery or love ; with drugs convey'd in drink or meat , all feats of witches counterfeit ; kill pigs and geese with poudred glass , and make it for inchantments pass , with cow-itch meazle like a leper , and choak with fumes of guiny-pepper ; make lechers and their punks with dewtry comm●t phantastical advowtry ; bewitch hermetick-men to run stark staring mad with manicon ; believe mechanick virtuosi can raise 'em mountains in potosi ; and ●●llier than the antick fools , take treasure for a heap of coals : seek out for plants with signatures , to quack of vniversal cures ; with figures ground on pa●es of glass , make people on their heads to pass ; and mighty heaps of coyn increase , reflected from a single piece : to draw in fools , whose nat'ral itches incline perpetually to witches ; and keep me in continual fears , and danger of my neck and ears : vvhen less delinquent have been scourg'd , and hemp on wooden anvils forg'd , which others for cravats have worn about their necks , and took a turn . i pity'd the sad pu●ishment the wretched caitiff underwent , and held my drubbing of his bones too great an honour for pultrones ; for knights are bound to feel no blows from paltry and unequal foes , who when they slash and cut to pieces , do all with civillest addresses : their horses never give a blow , but when they make a leg and bow. i therefore spar'd his flesh , and prest him about the witch , with many a question . quoth he , for many years he drove a kind of broking-trade in love , employ'd in all th' intrigues and trust of feeble speculative lust ; procurer to th' extravagancy and crazy ribaldry of fancy . by those the devil had forsook , as things below to him , to provoke . but b'ing a vertuoso , able to smatter , quack , and cant , and dabble , he held his talent most adroit for any mystical exploit ; as others of his tribe had done , and rais'd their prizes three to one. for one predicting pimp has th' ods of chauldrons of plain downright bauds . but as an elf ( the devils valet ) is not so slight a thing to get , for those that do his business best , in hell are us'd the ruggedest ; before so meriting a person could get a grant , but in reversion , he serv'd two prentiships and longer i' th' myst'ry of a lady-monger . for ( as some write ) a witche's ghost , as soon as from the body loos'd , becomes a puiny-imp it self , and is another witche's elf. he after searching far and near , at length found one in lancashire , with whom he bargain'd beforehand , and , after hanging , entertain'd . since which h' has plaid a thousand feats , and practis'd all mechanick cheats : transform'd himself to th' ugly shapes of wolves , and bears , baboons , and apes ; which he has vary'd more than witches , or pharaoh 's wizards could their switches ; and all with whom h' has had to do , turn'd to as monstrous figures too . witness my self , whom h' has abus'd , and to this beastly shape reduc'd , by feeding me on beans and pease , he crams in nasty crevises , and turns to comfits by his arts , to make me relish for disserts , and one by one with shame and fear lick up the candid provender . beside — but as h'was running on , to tell what other feats h 'had done , the lady stopt his full career , and told him , now 't was time to hear : if half those things ( said she ) be true , ( th' are all ( quoth he ) i swear by you : ) why then ( said she ) that sidrophel has damn'd himself to th' pit of hell ; who , mounted on a broom , the nag and hackney of a lapland hag , in quest of you came hither post , within an hour ( i 'm sure ) at most ; who told me all you swear and say , quite contrary another way ; vow'd , that you came to him to know if you should carry me or no ; and would have hir'd him and his imps , to be your match-makers and pimps , t' ingage the devil on your side , and steal ( like proserpine ) your bride . but he disdaining to embrace so filthy a design , and base , you fell to vapouring and huffing , and drew upon him , like a ruffin ; surpriz'd him meanly , unprepar'd , before h 'had time to mount his guard ; and left him dead upon the ground , with many a bruise , and desperate wound : swore you had broke and rob'd his house , and stole his talismanique louse , and all his new-found old inventions , with flat felonious intentions ; which he could bring out , where he had , and what he bought 'em for and paid ; his flea , his morpion , and punese , h 'had gotten for his proper ease , and all in perfect minutes made , by th' ablest artists of the trade ; which ( he could prove it ) since he lost , he has been eaten up almost ; and all together might amount to many hundreds on account : for which h 'had got sufficient warrant to seize the malefactors errant , without capacity of bail , but of a cart's or horse's tail ; and did not doubt to bring the wretches , to serve for pendulums to watches ; which modern virtuoso's say , incline to hanging every way . beside he swore , and swore 't was true , that er'e he went in quest of you , he set a figure to discover if you were fled to rye or dover ; and found it clear , that , to betray your selves and me , you fled this way ; and that he was upon pursuit , to take you somewhere hereabout . he vow'd h 'had had intelligence of all that past before and since : and found , that ere you came to him , y' had been ingaging life and lim about a case of tender conscience , where both abounded in your own sence ; till ralpho , by his light and grace , had clear'd all scruples in the case ; and prov'd that you might swear , and own whatever's by the wicked done . for which , most basely to requite the service of his gifts and light , you strove t' oblige him by main force , to scourge his ribs instead of yours , but that he stood upon his guard , and all your vapouring out-dar'd : for which , between you both , the feat has never been perform'd as yet . while thus the lady talk'd , the knight turn'd the outside of his eyes to white . ( as men of inward light are wont to turn their opticks in upon 't . ) he wonder'd how she came to know what he had done , and meant to do : held up his affidavit hand , as if h 'had been to be arraign'd : cast tow'rds the door a ghastly look , in dread of sidrophel , and spoke . madam , if but one word be true of all the wizard had told you , or but one single circumstance in all th' apocryphal romance , may dreadful earthquakes swallow down this vessel , that is all your own ; or may the heavens fall , and cover these reliques of your constant lover . you have provided well , quoth she , ( i thank you ) for your self and me ; and shewn your presbyterian wits jump punctual with the jesuits . a most compendious way and civil , at once to cheat the world , the devil , and heav'n and hell , your selves and ●hose on whom you vainly think t' impose . why then ( quoth he ) may hell surprize . that trick ( said she ) will not pass twice : i 've learn'd how far i 'm to believe your pinning oaths upon your sleeve . but there 's a better way of clearing what you would prove , than downright swearing ; for if you have perform'd the feat , the blows are visible as yet enough to serve for satisfaction of nicest scruples in the action . and if you can produce those knobs , although th' are but the witche's drubs , i 'll pass them all upon account , as if your natural self had don 't . provided that they pass th' opinion of able juries of old women , who , us'd to judge all matt'r of facts for bellies , may do so for backs . madam , ( quoth he ) your love 's a million , to do is less than to be willing , as i am , were it in my pow'r , t' obey what you command , and more . but for performing what you bid , i thank you as much as if i did . you know i ought to have a care to keep my wounds from taking air : for wounds in those that are all heart are dangerous in any part. i find ( quoth she ) my goods and chattels are like to prove but mere drawn battels ; for still the longer we contend , we are but farther off the end . but granting now we should agree , what is it you expect from me ? your plighted faith ( quoth he ) and word you past in heaven on record , where all contracts , to have and t' hold , are everlastingly inroll'd . and if 't is counted treason , here to race records , 't is much more there . quoth she , there are no bargains driv'n nor marriages clapp'd up in heaven : and that 's the reason , as some guess , there is no heav'n in marriages ; two things that naturally press too narrowly , to be at ease . their bus'ness there is onely love , which marriage is not like t' improve . love , that 's too generous , t' abide to be against its nature ty'd : for where 't is of it self inclin'd , it breaks loose when it is confin'd ; and , like the soul , its harbour●r , debarr'd the freedom of the air , disdains against its will to stay , but struggles out , and flies away : and therefore never can comply , t' endure the matrimonial tye , that binds the female and the male , where th' one is but the other's bail ; like roman gaolers , when they slept , chain'd to the prisoners they kept . of which the true and faithfull'st lover gives best security to suffer . marriage is but a beast , some say , that carries double in foul way ; and therefore 't is not to b' admir'd it should so suddenly be tir'd : a bargain at a venture made between two part'ners in a trade , ( for what 's inferr'd by t' have and t' hold , but something past away , and sold ? ) that as it makes but one of two , reduces all things else as low : and at the best is but a mart between the one and th' other part , that on the marriage-day is paid , or hour of death , the bet it laid . and all the rest of bett'r or worse both are but losers out of purse . for when upon their ungot heirs th' intail themselves , and all that 's theirs , what blinder bargain e're was driven , or wager laid at six and seven ? to pass themselves away , and turn their children's tenants e're th' are born ? beg one another idiot to guardians , e're they are begot ; or ever shall , perhaps , by th' one , who 's bound to vouch 'em for his own , though got b' implicit generation , and general club of all the nation : for which she 's fortify'd no less then all the island , with four seas exacts the tribute of her dow'r in ready insolence and pow'r ; and makes him pass away , to have and hold , to her , himself , her slave , more wretched then an ancient villain , condemn'd to drudgery and tilling ; while all he does upon the by , she is not bound to justifie , nor at her proper cost and charge maintain the feats he does at large . such hideous sots were those obedient old vassals to their ladies regent ; to give the cheats the eldest hand in foul play , by the laws o' th' land ; for which so many a legal cuckold has been run down in courts , and truckled . a law that most unjustly yokes all johns of stiles to joans of nokes , without distinction of degree , condition , age , or quality ; admits no pow'r of revocation , nor valuable consideration , nor writ of error , nor reverse of judgement past for better or worse ; will not allow the privileges that beggars challenge under hedges , who , when th' are griev'd , can make dead horses their spiritual judges of divorces ; while nothing else but rem in re , can set the proudest wretches free : a slavery beyond enduring , but that 't is of their own procuring . as spiders never seek the fly , but leave him , of himself t' apply : so men are by themselves betray'd , to quit the freedom they injoy'd , and run their necks into a nooze , they 'ld break 'em after , to break loose . as some , whom death would not depart , have done the feat themselves by art. like indian-widows , gone to bed in flaming curtains to the dead : and men as often dangled for 't , and yet will never leave the sport. nor do the ladies want excuse for all the stratagems they use , to gain th' advantage of the set , and lurch the amorous rook and cheat. for , as a pythagorean soul runs through all beasts , and fish , and fowl , and has a smack of ev'ry one ; so love does , and has ever done . and therefore , though 't is ne're so fond , takes strangely to the vagabond . 't is but an ague that 's reverst , whose hot fit takes the patient first , that after burns with cold as much as ir'n in greenland does the touch ; melts in the furnace of desire , like glass , that 's but the ice of fire ; and when his heat of fancy's over , becomes as hard and frail a lover . for when he 's with love-powder laden , and prim'd and cock'd by miss , or madam , the smallest sparkle of an eye gives fire to his artillery ; and off the loud oaths go , but while th' are in the very act , recoil . hence 't is , so few dare take their chance without a sep'rate maintenance : and widows , who have try'd one lover , trust none again , till th' have made over . or if they do , before they marry , the foxes weigh the geese they carry : and e're they venture o're a stream , know how to size themselves and them . whence witty'st ladies aways choose to undertake the heaviest goose . for now the world is grown so wary , that few of either sex dare marry , but rather trust on tick t' amours , the cross and pile for bett'r or worse : a mode that is held honourable , as well as french and fashionable . for when it falls out for the best , where both are incommoded least , in soul and body two unite , to make up one hermaphrodite ; still amorous , and fond , and billing , like philip and mary on a shilling , th' have more punctilio's and capriches between the petticoat and breeches , more petulant extravagancies , then poets make 'em in romances . though , when the heroes ' spouse the dames , we here no more of charms and flames : for then their late attracts decline , and turn as eager as prick'd wine ; and all their catterwaulling tricks , in earnest to as jealous piques : which th' ancients wisely signify'd , by th' yellow manto's of the bride . for jealousie is but a kind of clap and grincam of the mind , the natural effect of love , as other flames and aches prove : but all the mischief is , the doubt on whose account they first broke out . for though chineses go to bed , and lye in in their ladies stead , and for the pains they took before , are nurs'd and pamper'd to do more : our green-men do it worse , when th' hap to fall in labour of a clap ; both lay the child to one another : but who 's the father , who the mother , 't is hard to say in multitudes , or who imported the french goods . but health and sickness b'ing all one , which both ingag'd before to own , and are not with their bodies bound to worship onely when th' are sound ; both give and take their equal shares of all they suffer by false wares : a fate no lover can divert with all his caution , wit , and art. for 't is in vain to think to guess at women by appearances , that paint and patch their imperfections of intellectual complexions , and daub their tempers o're with washes as artificial as their faces ; wear under vizard-masks their talents and mother wits before their gallants ; vntil th' are hamper'd in the nooze , too fast to dream of breaking loose : when all the flaws they strove to hide are made unready , with the bride , that with her wedding-cloaths undresses her complaisance and gentilesses ; tries all her arts , to take upon her the government from th' easie owner , vntil the wretch is glad to wave his lawful right , and turn her slave ; finds all his having , and his holding , reduc'd t' eternal noise and scolding , the conjugal petard , that tears down all portcullices of ears , and makes the volly of one tongue for all their leathern shields too strong , when onely arm'd with noise and nails , the female silk-worms ride the males , transform'd 'em into rams and goats , like sirens with their charming notes , sweet as a screech-owl's senerade , or those inchanting murmurs made by th' husband mandrake and the wife , both bury'd ( like themselves ) alive . quoth he , these reasons are but strains of wanton , over-heated brains , which ralliers in their vvit or drink do rather wheedle with , than think . man was not man in paradise , vntill he was created twice , and had his better half , his bride , carv'd from th' original , his side , t' amend his natural defects , and perfect his recruited sex , inlarge his breed , at once , and lessen the pains and labour of increasing , by changing them for other cares , as by his dry'd up-paps appears . his body , that stupendious frame , of all the world the anagram , is of two equal parts compact in shape and symmetry exact . of which the left and female side is to the manly right a bride ; both joyn'd together with such art , that nothing else but death can part . those heav'nly attracts of yours , your eyes , and face , that all the world surprize , that dazle all that look upon ye , and scorch all other ladies tawny ; those ravishing and charming graces , are all made up of two half faces , that in a mathematick line , like those in other heavens , join . of which if either grew alone , 't would fright as much to look upon : and so would that sweet bud , your lip , without the other's fellowship . our noblest senses act by pairs , two eyes to see , to hear two ears ; th' intelligencers of the mind , to wait upon the soul design'd . but those that serve the body alone , are single and confin'd to one . the world is but two parts , that meet , and close at th' aequinoctial , fit ; and so are all the works of nature , stamp'd with her signature on matter ; which all her creatures , to a leaf , or smallest blade of grass , receive . all which sufficiently declare how intirely marriage is her care , the onely method that she uses , in all the wonders she produces . and those that take their rules from her , can never be deceiv'd , nor err . for what secures the civil life but pawns of children and a wife ; that lie , like hostages , at stake , to pay for all men undertake ? to whom it is as necessary , as to be born and breath , to marry ; so vniversal , all mankind in nothing else is of one mind . for in what stupid age , or nation , was marriage ever out of fashion ? vnless among the amazons , or vestal friars , and cloister'd nuns , or stoicks , who to bar the freaks and loose excesses of the sex , preposterously would have all women turn'd up to all the world in common . though men would find such mortal fewds in sharing of their publick goods , 't would put them to more charge of lives , than th' are supply'd with now by wives ; vntil they graze , and wear their cloaths , as beasts do , of their native growths : for simple wearing of their horns , will not suffice to serve their turns . for what can we pretend t' inherit , vnless the marriage-deed will bear it ? could claim no right to lands or rents , but for our parents settlements . had been but younger sons o' th' earth , debarr'd it all , but for our birth . what honours , or estates of peers could be preserv'd but by their heirs ? and what security maintains their right and title , but the banes ? what crowns could be hereditary , if greatest monarchs did not marry , and with their consorts consummate their weightiest interest of state ? for all th' amours of princes are but guarranties of peace or war. or what but marriage has a charm , the rage of empires to disarm , make bloud and desolation cease , and fire and sword unite in peace , when all their fierce contests for forrage conclude in articles of marriage ? nor does the genial bed provide less for the interests of the bride ; who else had not the least pretence t' as much as due benevolence ; could no more title take upon her to vertue , quality , and honour , than ladies errant , unconfin'd , and feme-coverts to all mankind . all women would be of one piece , the vertuous matron , and the miss ; the nymphs of chast diana's train , the same with those in lewkner's-lane ; but for the difference marriage makes 'twixt wives , and ladies of the lakes . besides , the joys of place and birth , the sexes paradise on earth ; a privilege so sacred held , that none will to their mothers yield ; but rather than not go before , abandon heaven at the door . and if th' indulgent law allows a greater freedom to the spouse ; the reason is , because the wife runs greater hazards of her life ; is trusted with the form and matter of all mankind by careful nature . where man brings nothing but the stuff , she frames the wondrous fabrick of : who therefore , in a streight , may freely demand the clergy of her belly , and make it save her , the same way , it seldom misses to betray . vnless both parties wisely enter into the liturgy-indenture . and though some fits of small contest sometimes fall out among the best , that is no more than every lover does from his hackney-lady suffer , that makes no breach of faith and love , but rather ( sometime ) serves t' improve . for , as in running , ev'ry pace is but between two legs a race , in which both do their uttermost to get before , and win the post ; yet when th' are at their race's ends , th' are still as kind and constant friends , and to relieve their weariness , by turns give one another ease : so all those false alarms of strife between the husband and the wife , and little quarrels , often prove to be but new recruits of love. when those wh ' are always kind or coy , in time must either tire , or cloy . nor are their loudest clamours more , than as th' are relish'd , sweet , or sour : like musick , that proves bad , or good , according as 't is understood . in all amours a lover burns , with frowns , as well as smiles , by turns and hearts have been as oft with sullen , as charming looks , surpriz'd and stollen . then why should more bewitching clamour some lovers not as much enamour ? for discords make the sweetest airs , and curses are a kind of prayers , too slight alloys for all those grand felicities by marriage gain'd . for nothing else has pow'r to settle th' interests of love perpetual . an act and deed that makes one heart become another's counter-part , and passes fines on faith and love , inroll'd and registred above , to seal the slippery knot of vows , which nothing else but death can loose . and what security's too strong to guard that gentle heart from wrong , that to its friend is glad to pass it self away , and all it has ; and , like an anchorite , gives over this world , for th' heaven of a lover ? i grant ( quoth she ) there are some few who take that course , and find it true : but millions , whom the same does sentence to heaven b' another way , repentance . love's arrows are but shot at rovers , though all they hit they turn to lovers . and all the weighty consequents depend upon more blind events than gamesters , when they play a set with greatest cunning at piquet , put out with caution , but take in they know not what , unsight-unseen . for what doe lovers , when th' are fast in one another's arms embrac't , but strive to plunder , and convey . each other , like a prize , away ? to change the property of selves , as sucking children are by elves ? and if they use their persons so , what will they to their fortunes doe ? their fortunes ! the perpetual aims of all their ecstasies and flames . for when the money 's on the book , and all my worldly goods — but spoke ; ( the formal livery and seisin that puts a lover in possession ) to that alone the bridegroom 's wedded , the bride a flam that 's superseded . to that their faith is still made good , and all the oaths to us they vow'd , for when we once resign our pow'rs , w' have nothing left we can call ours . our money 's now become the miss , of all your lives and services ; and we forsaken , and post-pon'd , but bawds to what before we own'd . which as it made y' at first gallant us , so now hires others to supplant us , vntil 't is all turn'd out of doors , ( as we had been ) for new amours . for what did ever heiress yet by being born to lordships get ? when the more ladie sh ' is of mannors , she 's but expos'd to more trepanners , pays for their projects and designs , and for her own destruction fines , and does but tempt them with her riches , to use her as the dev'l does witches ; who takes it for a special grace , to be their cully for a space , that , when the time 's expir'd , the drazels for ever may become his vassals . so she , bewitch'd by rooks and spirits , betrays her self , and all sh ' inherits is bought and sold , like stollen goods , by pimps , and match-makers , and bawds : vntil they force her to convey , and steal the thief himself away . these are the everlasting fruits of all your passionate love-suits , th' effects of all your amorous fancies to portions and inheritances , your love-sick raptures for fruition of dowry , jointure , and tuition ; to which you make address and courtship , and with your bodies strive to worship , that th' infant 's fortunes may partake of love too for the mother's sake . for these , you play at purposes , and love your loves with a's and b's : for these , at beast and l'hombre wooe , and play for love and money too ; strive who shall be the ablest man at right gallanting of a fan , and who the most gentilely bred at sucking of a vizard bead , how best t' accost us in all quarters t' our question-and-command new garters , and solidly discourse upon all sorts of dresses pro and con. for there 's no mystery nor trade , but in the art of love is made . and when you have more debts to pay than michaelmas and lady-day , and no way possible to do 't , but love and oaths and restless suit , to us y' apply , to pay the scores of all your cully'd past amours ; act o're your flames and darts again , and charge us with your wounds and pain , which others influences long since have charm'd your noses with , and shins ; for which the surgeon is unpaid , and like to be , without our aid . lord ! what an amorous thing is want ! how debts and mortgages inchant ! what graces must that lady have , that can from executions save ! what charms , that can reverse extent , and null decree and exigent ! what magical attracts and graces , that can redeem from scire facias ; from bonds and statutes can discharge , and from contempts of courts inlarge ! these are the highest excellencies of all our true or false pretences , and you would damn your selves , and swear as much t' an hostess dowager , grown fat and pursy by retail of pots of beer , and bottled ale ; and find her fitter for your turn , for fat is wondrous apt to burn ; who at your flames would soon take fire , relent , and melt to your desire , and , like a candle in the socket , dissolve her graces in t ' your pocket , by this time 't was grown dark and late , when th' heard a knocking at the gate , laid on in haste with such a powder , the blows grew louder still and louder . which hudibras , as if th' had been bestow'd as freely on his skin , expounding by his inward light , or rather more prophetick fright , to be the wisard , come to search , and take him napping in the lurch , turn'd pale as ashes , or a clout ; but why , or wherefore , is a doubt : for men will tremble , and turn paler , with too much , or too little valour . his heart laid on , as if it try'd to force a passage through his side , impatient ( as he vow'd ) to wait 'em , but in a fury to fly at 'em ; and therefore beat , and laid about , to find a cranny to creep out . but she , who saw in what a taking the knight was by his furious quaking , undaunted , cry'd , courage , sir knight , know i 'm resolv'd to break no rite of hospitality t' a stranger , but to secure you out of danger , will here my self stand sentinel , to guard this pass ' gainst sidrophel . women , you know , do seldom fail to make the stoutest men turn tail ; and bravely scorn to turn their backs . vpon the desperat'st attacks . at this the knight grew resolute as iron-side or hardy-knute ; his fortitude began to rally , and out he cry'd aloud , to sally . but she besought him to convey his courage rather out o' th' way , and lodge in ambush on the floor , or fortifi'd behind a door , that if the enemy should enter , he might relieve her in th' adventure . mean while , they knock'd against the door , as fierce as at the gate before ; which made the renegado knight relapse again t' his former fright . he thought it desperate to stay till th' enemy had forc'd his way , but rather post himself , to serve the lady , for a fresh reserve . his duty was not to dispute , but what sh ' had order'd execute : which he resolv'd in haste t' obey , and therefore stoutly march'd away ; and all h' encountred fell upon , though in the dark , and all alone . till fear , that braver feats performs than ever courage dar'd in arms , had drawn him up before a pass , to stand upon his guard , and face . this he courageously invaded , and having enter'd , barricado'd ; insconc'd himself as formidable as could be underneath a table ; where he lay down in ambush close , t' expect the arrival of his foes . few minutes had he lain perdue , to guard his desp'rate avenue , before he heard a dreadful shout , as loud as putting to the rout ; with which impatiently alarm'd , he fansi'd th' enemy had storm'd , and after entring sidrophel was fall'n upon the guards pell-mell . he therefore sent out all his senses , to bring him in intelligences . which vulgars , out of ignorance , mistake for falling in a trance : but those that trade in geomancy , affirm to be the strength of fancy : in which the lapland-magi deal , and things incredible reveal . mean while the foe beat up his quarters , and storm'd the out-works of his fortress . and as another of the same degree , and party , in arms and fame , that in the same cause had ingag'd , and war with equal conduct wag'd , by vent'ring onely but to thrust his head a span beyond his post , b' a gen'ral of the cavaliers was dragg ▪ d through a window by th' ears : so he was serv'd in his redoubt , and by the other end pull'd out . soon as they had him at their mercy , they put him to the cudgel fiercely , as if they scorn'd to trade and barter , by giving or by taking quarter : they stoutly on his quarters laid , until his scouts came in t' his aid . for when a man is past his sense , there 's no way to reduce him thence , but twindging him by th' ears or nose , or laying on of heavy blows , and if that will not doe the deed , to burning with hot irons proceed . no sooner was he come t' himself , but on his neck a sturdy elf clapp'd in a trice his cloven hoof , and thus attack'd him with reproof . mortal , thou art betray'd to us b' our friend , thy evil genius , who for thy horrid perjuries , thy breach of faith , and turning lies , the brethrens privilege ( against the wicked ) on themselves , the saints , has here thy wretched carcass sent for just revenge and punishment ; which thou hast now no way to lessen , but by an open , free confession . for if we catch thee failing once , t will fall the heavier on thy bones , what made thee venture to betray , and filch the ladie 's heart away ? to spirit her to matrimony — ? that which contracts all matches , money . it was th' inchantment of her riches , that made m' apply t' your croney witches : that in return would pay th' expence , the wear-and-tear of conscience ; which i could have patch'd up , and turn'd , for th' hundredth part of what i earn'd . didst thou not love her then ? speak true . no more ( quoth he ) than i love you . how wouldst th' have us'd her , and her money ? first , turn'd her up to alimony ; and laid her dowry out in law , to null her jointure with a flaw , which i before-hand had agreed t' have put , of purpose , in the deed ; and bar her widow's-making-over t' a friend in trust , or private lover . what made thee pick and chuse her out , t' imploy their sorceries about ? that which makes gamesters play with those who have least wit , and most to lose . but didst thou scourge thy vessel thus , as thou hast damn'd thy self to us ? i see you take me for an ass : 't is true , i thought the trick would pass vpon a woman well enough , as 't has been often found by proof ; whose humours are not to be won but when they are impos'd upon . for love approves of all they doe that stand for candidates , and wooe . why didst thou forge those shameful lies , of bears and witches in disguise ? that is no more than authours give the rabble credit to believe ; a trick of following their leaders , to entertain their gentle readers . and we have now no other way of passing all we doe or say : which when 't is natural and true , will be believ'd b' a very few . beside the danger of offence , the fatal enemy of sense . why didst thou chuse that cursed sin , hypocrisie , to set up in ? because it is the thriving'st calling , the onely saints-bell that rings all in , in which all church●s are concern'd , and is the easiest to be learn'd . for no degrees , unless th' imploy't , can ever gain much , or enjoy 't . a gift that is not onely able to domineer among the rabble , but by the law 's impowr'd to rout and aw the greatest that stand out . which few hold forth against , for fear their hands should slip , and come too near . for no sin else among the saints is taught so tenderly against . what made thee break thy plighted vows ? that which makes others break a house , and hang , and scorn ye all , before endure the plague of being poor . quoth he , i see you have more tricks than all our doting politicks , that are grown old , and out of fashion , compar'd with your new reformation : that we must come to school to you , to learn your more refin'd , and new. quoth he , if you will give me leave to tell you what i now perceive , you 'ld find your self an arrant chouse , if y' were but at a meeting-house . 't is true , quoth he , we ne'r come there , because w' have let them out by th' year . truely , quoth he , you can't imagine what wondrous things they will engage in : that as your fellow-fiends in hell were angels all before they fell ; so you are like to be agen compar'd with th' angels of us men. quoth he , i am resolv'd to be thy scholar in this mystery ; and therefore first desire to know some principles on which you go . what makes a knave a child of god , and one of us ? — a livelihood . what renders beating out of brains and murther godliness ? — great gains . what 's tender conscience ? — 't is a botch that will not bear the gentlest touch , but breaking out , dispatches more then th' epidemical'st plague-sore . what makes y' encroach upon our trade , and damn all others ? — to be paid . what 's orthodox and true believing against a conscience ? — a good living . what makes rebelling against kings a good old cause ? administrings . what makes all doctrines plain and clear ? about two hundred pounds a year . and that which was prov'd true before , prove false again ? two hundred more . what makes the breaking of all oaths a holy duty ? food and cloaths . what laws and freedom , persecution ? b'ing out of pow'r , and contribution . what makes a church a den of thieves ? a dean and chapter , and white sleeves . and what would serve , if those were gone , to make it orthodox ? our own . what makes morality a crime , the most notorious of the time ? morality , which both the saints and wicked too cry out against ? ' cause grace and vertue are within prohibited degrees of kin : and therefore no true saint allows they should be suffer'd to espouse . for saints can need no conscience that with morality dispense ; as vertue 's impious , when 't is rooted in nature onel ' , and not imputed . but why the wicked should do so , we neither know , nor care to do . what 's liberty of conscience , i' th' natural and genuine sense ? 't is to restore with more security rebellion to its ancient purity ; and christian liberty reduce to th' elder practice of the jews . for a large conscience is all one , and signifies the same with none . it is enough ( quoth he ) for once , and has repriev'd thy forfeit bones , nick machiavel had ne'r a trick , ( though he gave's name to our old nick ) but was below the least of these , that pass i' th' world for holiness . this said , the furies and the light in th' instant vanish'd out of sight ; and left him in the dark alone , with stinks of brimstone , and his own . the queen of night , whose large command rules all the sea and half the land , and over moist and crazy brains in high spring-tides at midnight reigns , was now declining to the west , to go to bed and take her rest . when hudibras , whose stubborn blows deny'd his bones that soft repose , lay still expecting worse and more , stretch'd out at length upon the floor ; and though he shut his eyes as fast as if h 'had been to sleep his last , saw all the shapes that fear or wizards do make the devil wear for vizards . and pricking up his ears , to hark if he could hear too in the dark , was first invaded with a groan , and after , in a feeble tone , these trembling words . vnhappy wretch ! what hast thou gotten by this fetch ? or all thy tricks in this new trade , the holy brotherhood o' th' blade ? by santring still on some adventure , and growing to thy horse a centaur , to stuff thy skin with swelling knobs of cruel and hard-wooded drubs ? for still th' hast had the worst on 't yet , as well in conquest as defeat . night is the sabbath of mankind , to rest the body and the mind : which now thou art deni'd to keep , and cure thy labour'd corps with sleep . the knight , who heard the words , explain'd as meant to him this reprimand , because the character did hit point-blank upon his case so fit ; believ'd it was some drolling sprite that staid upon the guards that night , and one of those h 'had seen , and felt the drubs he had so freely dealt . when , after a short pause and grone , the dolefull spirit thus went on . this 't is t' ingage with dogs and bears pelmell together by the ears ; and after painfull bangs and knocks , to lie in limbo in the stocks ; and from the pinacle of glory , fall headlong into purgatory : ( thought he , this devil 's full of malice , that on my late disasters rallies . ) condemn'd to whipping , but declin'd it , by being more heroick-minded ; and at a riding handled worse , with treats more slovenly and course ; ingag'd with friends in stubborn wars , and hot disputes with conjurers ; and when th' hadst bravely won the day , wast fain to steal thy self away . ( i see , thought he , this shameless elf would fain steal me too from my self , that impudently dares to own what i have suffer'd for and done : ) and now but vent'ring to betray , hast met with vengeance the same way . thought he , how does the devil know what 't was that i design'd to do ? his office of intelligence , his oracles are ceas'd long since : and he knows nothing of the saints , but what some treacherous spy acquaints . this is some pettifogging fiend , some under-door-keeper's friend's friend , that undertakes to understand , and juggles at the second hand ; and now would pass for spirit po , and all mens dark concerns fore-know . i think i need not fear him for 't : these rallying devils do no hurt . with that he rouz'd his drooping heart , and hastily cry'd out , what art ? a wretch ( quoth he ) whom want of grace has brought to this unhappy place . i do believe thee , quoth the knight , thus far i 'm sure th' art in the right ; and know what 't is that troubles thee , better than thou hast ghess'd of me . thou art some paltry black-guard sprite , condemn'd to drudg'ry in the night , that hast no work to do in th' house , nor half-penny to drop in shoes : without the raising of which sum , you dare not be so troublesome , to pinch the slatterns black and blue , for leaving you their work to do . this is your business , good pug robin , and your diversion dull dry bobbing ; t' intice fanaticks in the dirt , and wash 'em clean in ditches for 't . of which conceit you are so proud , at ev'ry jest you laugh aloud . as now you would have done by me , but that i barr'd your rallery . sir , ( quoth the voice ) y' are no such sophy as you would have the world judge of ye , if you design to weigh our talents i' th' standard of your own false balance , or think it possible to know vs ghosts as well as we do you : we , who have been the everlasting companions of your drubs and basting , and never left you in contest with male or female , man or beast , but prov'd as true t' ye and intire in all adventures as your squire , quoth he , that may be said as true by th' idlest pug of all your crew : for none could have betray'd us worse than those allies of ours and yours . but i have sent him for a token to your low-countrey hogen mogen , to whose infernal shores i hope he 'l swing like skippers in a rope . and if y' have been more just to me ( as i am apt to think ) than he , i am afraid it is as true , what th' ill-affected say of you , y' have ' spous'd the covenant and cause , by holding up your cloven paws . sir , quoth the voice , 't is true , i grant , we made and took the covenant . but that no more concerns the cause , then other perj'ries doe the laws , which when they 're prov'd in open court , wear wooden peccadillo's for't . and that 's the reason cov'nanters held up their hands , like rogues at bars . i see , quoth hudibras , from whence these scandals of the saints commence , that are but natural effects of satan's malice , and his sects , those spider-saints , that hang by threds spun out of th' entrals of their heads . sir , quoth the voice , that may as true and properly be said of you ; whose talents may compare with either , or both the other put together . for all the independents do is onely what you forc'd them to . you , who are not content alone with tricks to put the devil down , but must have armies rais'd , to back the gospel-work you undertake : as if artillery , and edge-tools were th' onely engines to save souls . while he , poor devil , has no pow'r by force to run down and devour ; has ne'r a classis , cannot sentence to stools or poundage of repentance ; is ti'd up onely to design , t' intice , and tempt , and vndermine : in which you all his arts out-do , and prove your selves his betters too . hence 't is possessions do less evil than mere temptations of the devil , which all the horrid'st actions done , are charg'd in courts of law upon ; because unless you help the elf , he can do little of himself : and therefore where he 's best possest , acts most against his interest ; surprises none but those wh ' have priests to turn him out , and exorcists , supply'd with spiritual provision , and magazines of ammunition , with crosses , relicks , crucifixes , beads , pictures , rosaries , and pixes , the tools of working out salvation by meer mechanick operation , with holy water , like a sluce , to overflow all avenues . but those wh ' are utterly unarm'd t' oppose his entrance if he storm'd , he never offers to suprize ; although his falsest enemies ; but is content to be their drudge , and on their errands glad to trudge . for where are all your forfeitures intrusted in safe hands , but ours ? who are but jailors of the holes and dungeons where you clap up souls ; like vnder-keepers , turn the keys t' your mittimus anathemaes ; and never boggle to restore the members you deliver o're vpon demand , with fairer justice than all your covenanting trustees : vnless , to punish them the worse , you put them in the secular pow'rs , and pass their souls as some demise the same estate in mortgage twice , when to a legal vtlegation you turn your excommunication , and for a groat unpai'd that 's due , distrain on soul and body too . thought he , 't is no mean part of civil state-prudence to cajoul the devil , and not to handle him too rough , when h' has us in his cloven hoof. 't is true , quoth he , that intercourse has past between your friends and ours ; that as you trust us in our way , to raise your members , and to lay , we send you others of our own , denounc'd to hang themselves or drown , or , frighted with our oratory , to leap down headlong many a story ; have us'd all means to propagate your mighty interests of state , laid out our spiritual gifts to further your great designs of rage and murther . for if the saints are nam'd from blood , we onel ' have made that title good : and if it were but in our power , we should not scruple to do more , and not be half a soul behind of all dissenters of mankind . right , quoth the voice , and as i scorn to be ungratefull in return of all those kind good offices , i 'll free you out of this distress , and set you down in safety , where , it is no time to tell you here . the cock crows and the morn draws on , when 't is decreed i must be gone : and if i leave you here till day , you 'l find it hard to get away . with that the spirit grop'd about , to find th' inchanted hero out , and try'd with haste to lift him up ; but found his forlorn hope , his croop , unserviceable with kicks and blows receiv'd from hardned-hearted foes . he thought to drag him by the heels , like gresham carts , with legs for wheels . but fear , that soonest cures those sores , in danger of relapse to worse , came in t' assist him with its aid , and up his sinking vessel weigh'd . no sooner was he fit to trudge , but both made ready to dislodge . the spirit hors'd him like a sack , upon the vehicle , his back , and bore him headlong into th' hall , with some few rubs against the wall. where finding out the postern lock'd , and th' avenues as strongly block'd , h'attack'd the window , storm'd the glass , and in a moment gain'd the pass , through which he dragg'd the worsted souldiers fore-quarters out by th' head and shoulders ; and cautiously began to scout , to find their fellow-cattel out . nor was it half a minute's quest , e're he retriev'd the champion's beast , ty'd to a pale in stead of rack , but ne'r a saddle on his back , nor pistols at the saddle-bow , convey'd away the lord knows how . he thought it was no time to stay , and let the night too steal away , but in a trice advanc'd the knight upon the bare ridge bolt upright . and groping out for ralpho 's jade , he found the saddle too was straid , and in the place a lump of sope , on which he speedily leap'd up ; and turning to the gate the rein , he kick'd and cudgell'd on amain . while hudibras , with equal haste , on both sides laid about as fast , and spurr'd as jockies use , to break , or padders , to secure a neck . where let us leave them for a time , and to their churches turn our rhyme ; to hold forth their declining state , which now come near an even rate . the argument of the second canto of the third part. the saints engage in fierce contests about their carnal interests ; to share their sacrilegious preys , according to their rates of grace ; their various frenzies to reform , when cromwel left them in a storm : till , in th' effigie of rumps , the rabble burns all their grandees of the cabal . canto ii. the learned write , an insect breeze is but a mungrel prince of bees , that falls , before a storm , on cows , and stings the founders of his house ; from whose corrupted flesh that breed of vermine did at first proceed . so , e'r the storm of war broke out , religion spawn'd a various rout , of petulant capricious sects , the maggots of corrupted texts , that first run all religion down , and after every swarm its own . for as the persian magi once upon their mothers got their sons , who were incapable t' injoy that empire any other way : so presbyter begot the other upon the good old cause , his mother , that bore them like the devil's dam , whose son and husband are the same . and yet no nat'ral tie of blood , nor intr'est for their common good , could , when their profits interfear'd , get quater for each other's beard . for when they thriv'd , they never fadg'd , but onely by the ears engag'd : like dogs that snarl about a bone , and play together when th' have none . as by their truest characters , their constant actions , plainly appears . rebellion now began for lack of zeal and plunder to grow slack ; the cause and covenant to lessen , and providence to b' out of season : for now there was no more to purchase , o' th' kings revenue and the churche's , but all divided , shar'd and gone , that us'd to urge the brethren on . which forc'd the stubborn'st for the cause to cross the cudgels to the laws ; that what by breaking them 't had gain'd , by their support might be maintain'd : like thieves , that in a hemp-plot lie , secur'd against the hue-and-cry . for presbyter and independent were now turn'd plaintiff defendant , laid out their apostolick functions on carnal orders and injunctions , and all their precious gifts and graces on out-lawries and scire facias ; at michael ' s term had many a trial , worse than the dragon and st. michael , where thousands fell , in shape of fees , into the bottomless abyss . for when like brethren and friends , they came to share their dividends , and ev'ry part'ner to possess his church and state joynt-purchases , in which the ablest saint and best was nam'd in trust by all the rest , to pay their money , and , instead of ev'ry brother , pass the deed ; he straight converted all his gifts to pious frauds and holy shifts , and settled all the others shares upon his outward man and 's heirs ; held all they claim'd as forfeit lands , deliver'd up into his hands , and past upon his conscience , by pre-intail of providence ; impeach'd the rest for reprobates , that had no titles to estates , but by their spiritual attaints degraded from the right of saints . this being reveal'd , they now begun with law and conscience to fall on ; and laid about as hot and brain-sick as th'vtter barrister of swanswick ; ingag'd with money-bags , as bold as men with sand-bags did of old ; that brought the lawyers in more fees , than all unsanctifi'd trustees : till he who had no more to show i' th' case , receiv'd the overthrow ; or both sides having had the worst , they parted as they met at first . poor presbyter was now reduc'd , secluded , and cashier'd , and chews'd , turn'd out and excommunicate from all affairs of church and state , reform'd t' a reformado saint , and glad to turn itinerant , to strowl and teach from town to town , and those he had taught up teach down , and make those uses serve agen against the new-inlight'ned men , as fit as when at first they were reveal'd against the cavalier ; damn anabaptist and fanatick , as pat as popish and prelatick ; and with as little variation , to serve for any sect i' th' nation . the good old cause , which some believe to be the dev'l that tempted eve with knowledge , and does still invite the world to mischief with new light , had store of money in her purse , when he took her for bett'r or worse ; but now was grown deform'd and poor , and fit to be turn'd out of door . the independents ( whose first station was in the rere of reformation , a mungrel kind of church-dragoons , that serv'd for horse and foot at once , and in the saddle of one steed the saracen and christian rid , were free of ev'ry spiritual order , to preach , and fight , and pray , and murther ) no sooner got the start to lurch both disciplines , of war and church , and providence enough to run the chief commanders of 'em down , but carried on the war against the common enemy o' th' saints ; and in a while prevail'd so far , to win of them the game of war , and be at liberty once more , t' attack themselves as th' had before . for now there was no foe in arms , t' unite their factions with alarms , but all reduc'd and overcome , except their worst , themselves at home , wh ' had compast all they praid , and swore , and fought , and preach'd , and plunder'd for , subdu'd the nation , church and state , and all things but their laws and hate , but when they came to treat and transact , and share the spoils of all th' had ransackt , to botch up what th' had torn and rent , religion and the government , they met no sooner , but prepar'd to pull down all the war had spar'd ; agreed in nothing but t' abolish , subvert , extirpate , and demolish . for knaves and fools b'ing near of kin , as dutch-boors are t' a sooterkin , both parties joyn'd to do their best , to damn the publick interest ; and hearded onely in consults to put by one anothers bolts , t' out-cant the babylonian labourers , at all their dialects of jabberers , and tug at both ends of the saw , to tear down government and law. for , as two cheats , that play one game , are both defeated of their aim : so those who play a game of state , and onely cavil in debate , although there 's nothing lost nor won , the publick business is undone , which still the longer 't is in doing , becomes the surer way to ruine . this when the royalists perceiv'd , ( who to their faith as firmly cleav'd , and own'd the right they had paid down so dearly for , the church and crown , ) th' united constanter , and sided the more , the more their foes divided . for though out-number'd , overthrown , and by the fate of war run down ; their duty never was defeated , nor from their oaths and faith retreated . for loyalty is still the same , whether it win or lose the game ; true as a dial to the sun , although it be not shin'd upon . but when these bretheren in evil , their adversaries and the devil , began once more to shew them play , and hopes , at least , to have a day , they rallied in parades of woods , and unfrequented solitudes , conven'd at midnight in out-houses , t' appoint new-rising rendezvouzes , and with a pertinacy unmatch'd for new recruits of danger watch'd : no sooner was one blow diverted , but up another party started . and , as if nature too in haste , to furnish out supplies as fast , before her time had turn'd destruction t' a new and numerous production ; no sooner those were overcome , but up rose others in their room , that like the christian faith , increast the more , the more they were supprest : whom neither chains nor transportation , proscription , sale , nor confiscation , nor all the desperate events of former try'd experiments , nor wounds could terrifie , nor mangling to leave off loyalty and dangling , nor death ( with all his bones ) affright from vent'ring to maintain the right , from staking life and fortune down ' gainst all together , for the crown ; but kept the title of their cause from forfeiture , like claims in laws : and prov'd no prosp'rous usurpation can ever settle on the nation , until , in spight of force and treason , they put their loy'lty in possession ; and by their constancy and faith , destroy'd the mighty men of gath. toss'd in a furious hurricane , did oliver give up his reign ; and was believ'd , as well by saints , as moral men and miscreants , to founder in the stygian ferry , until he was retriev'd by sterry : who , in a false erroneous dream , mistook the new jerusalem , prophanely , for th' apocryphal , false heaven at the end o' th' hall ; whether it was decreed by fate , his precious reliques to translate . so romulus was seen before b' as orthhodox a senator ; from whose divine illumination he stole the pagan revelation . next him his son and heir apparent succeeded , though a lame vicegerent : who first laid by the parliament , the onely crutch on which he leant ; and then sunk underneath the state , that rode him above horseman's weight . and now the saints began their reign , for which th' had yearn'd so long in vain , and felt such bowel-hankerings , to see an empire all of kings , deliver'd from th' aegyptian awe of justice , government , and law , and free t' erect what spiritual cantons should be reveal'd , or gospel hans-towns , to edifie upon the ruines of john of leyden's old out-goings , who for a weather-cock hung up upon their mother-churche's top , was made a type by providence of all their revelations since ; and now fulfill'd by his successors , who eqally mistook their measures : for when they came to shape the model , not one could fit another's noddle ; but found their light and gifts more wide from fadging then th' unsanctifi'd ; while ev'ry individual brother strove hand to fist against another , and still the maddest and most crackt , were found the busiest to transact . for though most hands dispatch apace and make light work , ( the proverb says ) yet many different intellects are found t' have contrary effects ; and many heads t' obstruct intrigues , as slowest insects have most legs . some were for seting up a king , but all the rest for no such thing , unless king jesus : others tamper'd for fleetwood , desbrough , and lambert ; some for the rump , and some more crafty , for agitatours and the safety ; some for the gospel , and massacres of spiritual affidavit-makers , that swore to any humane regence oaths of supremacy and allegiance , yea though the ablest swearing saint , that vouch'd the bulls o' th' covenant : others for pulling down the high places of synods and provincial classes , that us'd to make such hostile inroads upon the saints , like bloudy nimrods : some for fulfilling prophecies , and th' extirpation of excise ; and some against th' aegyptian bondage of holy days , and paying poundage : some for the cutting down of groves , and rectifying bakers loaves ; and some for finding out expedients against the slav'ry of obedience . some were for gospel-ministers , and some for read-coat seculars , as men most fit t' hold forth the word , and wield the one and th' other sword , some were for carrying on the work against the pope , and some the turk : some for engaging to suppress the camisado of surplices , the gifts and dispensations hinder'd , and turn'd to th' outward man the inward ; more proper for the cloudy night of popery , then gospel-light . others were for abolishing that tool of matrimony , a ring , with which th' unsanctifi'd bridegroom is marry'd onely to a thumb ; ( as wise as ringing of a pig. that uses to break up ground and dig ; ) the bride to nothing but her will , that nulls the after-marriage still . some were for th' utter extirpation of linsey-woolsey in the nation ; and some against all idolizing the cross in shop-books , or baptizing . others , to make all things recant the christian or surname of saint ; and force all churches , streets , and towns , the holy title to renounce . some ' gainst a third estate of souls , and bringing down the price of coals . some for abolishing black-pudding , and eating nothing with the blood in ; to abrogate them roots and branches ; while others were for eating haunches of warriors , and now and then the flesh of kings and mighty men ; and some for breaking of their bones with rods of ir'n by secret ones ; for thrashing mountains , and with spells for hallowing carriers packs and bells . things that the legend never heard of , but made the wicked sore afeard of . the quacks of government ( who sate at th' unregarded helm of state , and understood , this wild confusion of fatal madness and delusion , must , sooner then a prodigie , portend destruction to be nigh ) consider'd timely , how t' withdraw and save their wind-pipes from the law : for one rencounter at the bar was worse then all th' had scap'd in war : and therefore met in consultation , to cant and quack upon the nation ; not for the sickly patient's sake , nor what to give , but what to take ; to feel the pulses of their fees , more wise then fumbling arteries ; prolong the snuff of life in pain , and from the grave recover — gain . 'mong these there was a politician , with more heads then a beast in vision , and more intrigues in ev'ry one then all the whores of babylon . so politick , as if one eye upon the other were a spy ; that to trapan the one to think the other blind , both strove to blink : and in his dark pragmatick way as busie as a child at play. h 'had seen three governments run down , and had a hand in ev'ry one , was for 'em and against 'em all , but barb'rous when they came to fall : for by trapanning th' old to ruine , he made his int'rest with the new one ; plaid true and faithful , though against his conscience and was still advanc'd . for by the witch-craft of rebellion transform'd t' a feeble state-camelion , by giving aim from side to side , he never fail'd to save his tide , but got the start of ev'ry state , and at a change ne'r came too late : could turn his word , and oath , and faith , as many ways as in a lath ; by turning , wriggle , like a screw int ' highest trust , and out for new. for when h 'had happily incurr'd , in stead of hemp , to be preferr'd , and past upon a government , he play'd his trick and out he went : but being out , and out of hopes to mount his ladder ( more ) of ropes , would strive to raise himself upon the publick ruine and his own . so little did he understand the desp'rate feats he took in hand . for when h 'had got himself a name . for fraud and tricks ; he spoil'd his game , had forc'd his neck into a nooze , to shew his play at fast and loose ; and when he chanc'd t' escape , mistook for art and subtlety , his luck . so right his judgment was cut fit , and made a tally to his wit , and both together most profound at deeds of darkness under ground : as th' earth is easiest undermin'd by vermin impotent and blind . by all these arts , and many more h' had practis'd long and much before , our state-artificer foresaw which way the world began to draw . for as old sinners have all points , o' th' compass in their bones and joints , can by their pangs and aches find all turns and changes of the wind , and better then by napier 's bones , feel in their own the age of moons : so guilty sinners in a state can by their grimes prognosticate , and in their consciences feel pain some days before a show'r of rain . he therefore wisely cast about all ways he could , t' insure his throat ; and hither came t' observe and smoke what courses other riskers took ; and to the utmost doe his best to save himself , and hang the rest . to match this saint , there was another , as busie and perverse a brother , an haberdasher of small-wares in politicks and state-affairs ; more jew then rabbi achitophel , and better gifted to rebel : for when h 'had taught his tribe to spouse the cause , aloft , upon one house , he scorn'd to set his own in order , but try'd another , and went further ; so sullenly addicted still to 's onely principle , his will , that whatsoe'r it chanc'd to prove , no force of argument could move , nor law , nor cavalcade of ho'born , could render half a grain less stubborn , for he at any time would hang , for th' opportunity t' harangue , and rather on a gibbet dangle , then miss his dear delight , to wrangle : in which his parts were so accomplisht , that , right or wrong , he ne'r was non-plust ; but still his tongue ran on , the less of weight it bore , with greater ease , and with its everlasting clack set all mens ears upon the rack . no sooner could a hint appear , but up he started to pickere , and made the stoutest yield to mercy , when he ingag'd in controversie ; not by the froce of carnal reason , but indefatigable teazing ; with volleys of eternal babble , and clamour more unanswerable . for though his topicks , frail and weak , could near amount above a freak : he still maintain'd 'em , like his faults , against the desperat'st assaults ; and back'd their feeble want of sense with greater heat and confidence : as bones of hectors when they differ , the more th' are cudgel'd , grow the stiffer . yet when his profit moderated , the fury of his heat abated : for nothing but his interest could lay his devil of contest . it was his choice , or chance , or curse , t' espouse the cause for bett'r or worse ; and with his worldly goods and wit , and soul , and body , worshipp'd it : but when he found the sullen trapes possest with th' devil , worms , and claps , the trojan mare in fole with greeks not half so full of jadish tricks , though squeamish in her outward woman , as loose and rampant as dol common ; he still resolv'd to mend the matter , t' adhere and cleave the obstinater ; and still the skittisher and looser her freaks appear'd , to sit the closer . for fools are stuborn in their way ; as coins are hardned by th' allay : and obstinacy's ne'r so stiff , as when 't is in a wrong belief . these two , with others , being met , and close in consultation set ; after a discontented pause , and not without sufficient cause , the oratour we mention'd late , less troubled with the pangs of state , then with his own impatience , to give himself first audience , after he had a while look'd wise , at last broke silence , and the ice . quoth he , there 's nothing makes me doubt our last out-goings brought about , more then to see the characters of real jealousies and fears , not feign'd , as once , but sadly horrid , scor'd upon ev'ry member's fore-head , who , ' cause the clouds are drawn together , and threaten sudden change of weather , feel pangs and aches of state-turns , and revolutions in their corns ; and , since our workings-out are crost , throw up the cause before tis ' lost . was it to run away , we meant , when , takeing of the covenant , the lamest cripples of the brothers took oaths , to run before all others ; but , in their own sense , onely swore to strive to run away before ? and now would prove , the words and oath ingage us to renounce them both ? 't is true , the cause is in the lurch , between a right and mungrel church , the presbyter and independent , that stickle which shall make an end on 't : and 't was made out to us the last expedient , — ( i mean , margret's fast ) when providence had been suborn'd , what answer was to be return'd . else why should tumults fright us now , we have so many times gone through , and understand as well to tame , as , when they serve our turns , t' inflame ? have prov'd how inconsiderable are all engagements of the rabble , whose frenzies must be reconcil'd with drums and rattles like a child ; but never prov'd so prosperous , as when they were led on by us . for all our scouring of religion began with tumults and sedition ; when hurricanes of fierce commotion became strong motives to devotion ; ( as carnal sea-men in a storm turn pious converts , and reform ; ) when rusty weapons with chalk'd edges maintain'd our feeble priviledges , and brown bills levied in the city made bills to pass the grand committee ; when zeal with aged clubs and gleaves gave chase to rochets and white sleeves , and made the church and state and laws submit t' old iron and the cause , and as we thriv'd by tumults then , so might we better now agen , if we know how , as then we did , to use them rightly in our need . tumults by which the mutinous betray themselves in stead of us ; the hollow-hearted disaffected , and close malignant are detected ; who lay their lives and fortunes down , for pledges to secure our own , and freely sacrifice their ears , t' appease our jealousies and fears . and yet for all these providences w' are offer'd , if we had our senses , we idly sit , like stupid block-heads , our hands committed to our pockets , and nothing but our tongues at large , to get the wretches a discharge . like men condemn'd to thunderbolts , who , e'r the blow , become meer dolts ; or fools besotted with their crimes , that know not how to shift betimes , and neither have they hearts to stay , nor wit enough to run away . who , if we could resolve on either , might stand , or fall ( at least ) together : no mean nor trivial solaces to partners in extream distress , who use to lessen their despairs , by parting them in t ' equal shares ; as if the more there were to bear , they felt the weight the easier ; and ev'ry one the gentler hung , the more he took his turn among . but 't is not come to that as yet , if we had courage left or wit ; who , when our fate can be no worse , are fitted for the bravest course ; have time to rally , and prepare our last and best defence , despair ; despair , by which the gallant'st feats have been atchiev'd in greatest streights , and horrid'st dangers safely wav'd , by b'ing courageously out-brav'd . as wounds by wider wounds are heal'd , and poisons by themselves expell'd . and so they might be now agen , if we were , what we should be , men ; and not so dully desperate , to side against our selves with fate : as criminals condemn'd to suffer , are blinded first , and then turn'd over . this comes of breaking covenants , and setting up exauns of saints , that fine , like aldermen , for grace , to be excus'd the efficace , for spiritual men are too transcendent , that mount their banks for independent , to hang like mahomet in th' air , or st. ignatius at his prayer , by pure geometry , and hate dependency on church or state ; disdain the pedantry o' th' letter , and since obedience is better ( the scripture says ) than sacrifice , presume the less on 't will suffice ; and scorn to have the moderat'st stints prescrib'd their peremptory hints , or any opinion , true or false , declar'd as such , in doctrinals , but lest at large to make their best on , without b'ing call'd t' account or question . interpret all the spleen reveals , as whittington explain'd the bells ; and bid themselves turn back agen lord may'rs of new jerusalem ; but look so big and overgrown , they scorn their edifiers t' own , who taught them all their sprinkling lessons , their tones and sanctify'd expressions ; bestow'd their gifts upon a saint , like charity on those that want , and learn'd th' apocryphal bigots , t' inspire themselves with short-hand notes : for which they scorn and hate them worse than dogs and cats do sowgelders . for who first bred them up to pray , and teach , the house of commons way ? where had they all their gifted phrases , but from our calamies and cases ? without whose sprinkling and sowing , who e'r had heard of nye or owen ? their dispensations had been stifled , but for our adoniram bifield . and had they not begun the war , th' had ne'r been sainted as they are . for saints in peace degenerate , and dwindle down to reprobate : their zeal corrupts like standing water , in th' intervals of war and slaughter ; abates the sharpness of its edge , without the pow'r of sacriledge , and though th' have tricks to cast their sins , as easie as serpents do their skins , that in a while grow out agen , in peace they turn meer carnal men , and from the most refin'd of saints , as naturally grow miscreants as barnacles turn soland-geese , in th' islands of the orcades . their dispensation's but a ticket , for their conforming to the wicked ; with whom their greatest difference lies more in words and shew , than sense for as the pope , that keeps the gate of heaven , wears three crowns in state ; so he that keeps the gate of hell , proud cerberus , wears three heads as well : and , if the world has any troth , some have been canoniz'd in both , but that which does them greatest harm , their spiritual gizzards are too warm , which puts the over-heated sots in fever still , like other goats . for though the whore bends hereticks with flames of fire , like crooked sticks ; our schismaticks so vastly differ , th' hotter th' are they grow the stiffer ; still setting off their spiritu●l goods , with fierce and pertinacious fewds . for zeal's a dreadful tarmagant , that teaches saints to tear and rant , and independents , to profess the doctrine of dependences ; turns meek and sneaking secret ones , to raw-heads fierce and bloody bones : and not content with endless quarrels against the wicked and their morals , the gibellins , for want of guelfs , divert their rage upon themselves . for now the war is not between the brethren and the men of sin ; but saint and saint , to spill the blood of one another's brotherhood ; where neither side can lay pretence to liberty of conscience , or zealous suff'ring for the cause , to gain one groats-worth of applause : for though endur'd with resolution , ●twill ne'r amount to persecution . shall precious saints and secret ones break one another's outward bones ? and eat the flesh of brethren , in stead of kings and mighty men ? when fiends agree among themselves , shall they be found the greater elves ? when bel's at vnion with the dragon , and baal-peor friends with dagon , when savage bears agree with bears , shall secret ones lug saints by th' ears , and not alone their fatal wrath , when common danger threatens both ? shall mastiffs by the collars pull'd , engag'd with bulls , let go their hold ? and saints , whose necks are pawn'd at stake , no notice of the danger take ? but though no pow'r of heaven or hell can pacifie fanatick zeal ; who would not guess there might be hopes , the fear of gallowses and ropes before their eyes might reconcile their animosities a while ? at least , until th' had a clear stage , and equal freedom to engage , without the danger of surprise by both our common enemies ? this none but we alone could doubt , who understand their workings-out , and know 'em both in soul and conscience , giv'n up t' as reprobate a non-sense , as spiritual out-laws whom the pow'r of miracle can ne'r restore . we , whom at first they set up under , in revelation onely of plunder , who since have had so many trials of their encroaching self-denials , that rook'd upon us with design to out-reform and vndermine ; took all our interests and commands perfidiously out of our hands ; involv'd us in the guilt of blood , without the motive-gains allow'd , and made us serve as ministerial , like younger sons of father belial . and yet for all th' inhumane wrong th' had done us and the cause so long , we never fail'd to carry on the work still as we had begun : but true and faithfully obey'd , and neither preach'd them hurt , nor pray'd ; nor troubled them to crop our ears , nor hang us like the cavaliers ; nor put them to the charge of gaols , to find us pillories and carts-tails , or hang-man's wages , which the state was forc'd ( before them ) to be at , that cut like tallies to the stumps our ears for keeping true accompts , and burnt our vessels , like a new-seal'd peck or bushel , for b'ing true . but hand in hand , like faithfull brothers , held forth the cause against all others , disdaining equally to yield one syllable of what we held . and though we differ'd now and then 'bout outward things , and outward men : our inward men and constant frame of spirit still were near the same . and till they first began to cant , and sprinkle down the covenant , we ne'r had call in any place , nor dream'd of teaching down free-grace ; but join'd our gifts perpetually against the common enemy : although 't was our and their opinion , each other 's church was but a rimmon . and yet for all this gospel-vnion , and outward shew of church-communion , they 'l ne'r admit us to our shares , of ruling church or state affairs ; nor give us leave t' absolve , or sentence t' our own conditions of repentance : but shar'd our dividend o' th' crown we had so painfully preach'd down ; and forc'd us , though against the grain , t' have calls to teach it up again . for 't was but justice to restore the wrongs we had receiv'd before ; and then 't was held forth in our way , w' had been ungrateful not to pay : who for the right w' have done the nation , have earn'd our temporal salvation , and put our vessels in a way , once more to come again in play. for if the turning of us out , has brought this providence about , and that our onely suffering is able to bring in the king : what would our actions not have done , had we been suffer'd to go on ? and therefore may pretend t' a share at least in carrying on th' affair . but whether that be so or not , w' have done enough to have it thought ; and that 's as good as if w' had don 't , and easier past upon account . for if it be but half deny'd , 't is half as good as justify'd . the world is nat'rally averse to all the truth it sees or hears , but swallows non-sense and a lie with greediness and gluttony ; and though it have the pique , and long , 't is still for something in the wrong : as women long , when th' are with child for things extravagant and wild , for meats ridiculous , and fulsom , but seldom any thing that 's wholsom ; and , like the world , men's jobbernoles turn round upon their ears , the poles ; and what th' are confidently told , by no sense else can be controll'd . and this , perhaps , may prove the means , once more , to hedge in providence . for , as relapses make diseases more disp'rate than their first accesses ; if we but get again in pow'r , our work is easier than before ; and we more ready and expert i' th' mystery , to do our part. we , who did rather undertake the first war to create , than make : and when of nothing 't was begun , rais'd funds as strange , to carry 't on ; trepann'd the state , and fac'd it down , with plots and projects of our own : and if we did such feats at first , what can we now w' are better vers'd ? who have a freer latitude then sinners give themselves allow'd ? and therefore likeliest to bring in on fairest terms , our discipline . to which it was reveal'd long since , we were ordain'd by providence : when three saints ears , our predecessors , the cause 's primitive confessors , b'ing crucified , the nation stood in just so many years of blood : that multipli'd by six , express'd the perfect number of the beast . and prov'd that we must be the men. to bring this work about agen : and those who laid the first foundation , compleat the thorow reformation : for who have gifts to carry on so great a work , but we alone ? what churches have such able pastors ? and precious , powerful , preaching-masters ? possess'd with absolute dominions , o're brethren's purses and opinions ? and trusted with the double keys of heaven , and their ware-houses : who , when the cause is in distress , can furnish out what sums they please , that brooding lie in bankers hands , to be dispos'd at their commands : and daily increase and multiply , with doctrine , vse and vsury . can fetch in parties ( as in war , all other heads of cattel are ; ) from the enemy of all religions , as well as high and low conditions ; and share them from blew ribbands down . to all blew aprons in the town . from ladies hurried in calleches , with cornets at their footmen's breeches , to bawds as fat as mother nab , all guts and belly like a crab. our party 's great , and better ti'd with oaths , and trade , than any side : has one considerabl ' improvement , to double fortifie the cov'nant ; i mean our covenants to purchase delinquents titles and the churches : that pass in sale , from hand , to hand , among our selves , for current land. and rise or fall , like indian actions , according to the rate of factions : our best reserve for reformation , when new-out-goings give occasion : that keeps the loins of brethren girt , the covenant ( their creed ) t' assert : and when th' have pack'd a parliament , will once more try th' expedient , who can already muster friends , to serve for members , to our ends : that represent no part o' th' nation , but fisher's - folly congregation : are only tools to our intrigues , and sit like geese to hatch our eggs : who , by their precedents of wit , t' out-fast , out-leiter , and out-sit : can order matters under hand , to put all bus'ness to a stand : lay publick bills aside , for private , and make 'em one another drive out ; divert the great and necessary , with trifles to contest and vary ; and make the nation represent , and serve for us in parliament ; cut out more work than can be done on plato's year ; but finish none , vnless it be the bulls of lenthal , that always past for fundamental . can set up grandee against grandee , to squander time away , and bandy . make lords and commoners lay sieges to one another's privileges ; and , rather than compound the quarrel , engage to th' inevitable peril of both their ruins ; th' only scope and consolation of our hope : who , tho we do not play the game , assist as much by giving aim . can introduce our ancient arts , for heads of factions , t' act their parts . know what a leading-voice is worth ; a seconding , a third , or fourth : how much a casting vote comes to , that turns up trump , of i , or no ; and by adjusting at th' end , share ev'ry one his dividend . an art that so much study cost . and now 's in danger to be lost ; vnless our ancient virtuoso's , that found it out , get into th' houses . these are the courses that we took to carry things , by hook , or crook : and parctic'd down from forty four , vntill they turn'd us out of door ; besides the herds of boutefeus , we set on work , without the house . when ev'ry knight and citizen kept legislative journey-men , to bring them in intelligence from all points of the rabbles sense ; and fill the lobbies of both houses with politick important buzzes : set up committees of cabals , to pack designs without the walls . examine , and draw up all news , and fit it to our present vse . agree upon the plot i' th' farce , and every one his part rehearse . make q's of answers , to way-lay what th' other parties like to say , what repartees , and smart reflexions shall be return'd to all objections : and who shall break the master-jest , and what , and how , upon the rest : help pamphlets out , with safe editions , of proper slanders and seditions : and treason for a token send , by letter , to a country friend . disperse lampoons , the only wit , that men , like burglary , commit : wit , falser than a padder's face , that all its owner does , betrays : who therefore dare not trust it , when he 's in his calling , to be seen . disperse the dung on barren earth , to bring new weeds of discord forth . be sure to keep up congregations , in spight of laws and proclamation● ; for chiarlatans can do no good , vntill th' are mounted in a crowd : and when th' are punish'd , all the hurt is but to fare the better for 't ▪ as long as confessors are sure of double pay for all th' endure : and what they earn in persecution , are paid t' a groat in contribution . whence some tub-holders-forth have made in powdring-tubs , their richest trade : and while they keep their shops in prison , have found their prices strangely risen , disdain to own the least regret for all the christian blood w' have let ; 't will save our credit , and maintain our title , to do so again ; that needs not cost one dram of sense , but pertinacious impudence : our constancy t' our principles , in time , will wear out all things else ; like marble statues , rub'd to pieces , with gallantry of pilgrim's kisses ; while those who turn and wind their oaths have swell'd , and sunk like other froths . prevail'd a while , but 't was not long , before from world to world they swung : as they had turn'd from side , to side ; and as the changelings liv'd they died . this said ; the impatient states-monger could now contain himself no longer ; who had not spar'd to shew his picques , against th' haranguers piliticks ? with smart remarks of leering faces , and annotations of grimaeces , after h 'had ministred a dose of snuff-mundungus , to his nose ; and powder'd th' inside of his skull , instead of th' outward jobbernol : he shook it , with a scornful look on th' adversary , and thus he spoke . in dressing a calve's head , although the tongue and brains together go , both keep so great a distance here , 't is strange , if ever they come near : for , who did ever play his gambols , with such unsuff●rable rambles ? to make the bringing in the king , and keeping of him out , one thing ? which none can do , but those who swore t 'as point-blank non-sense heretofore : that to defend was to invade , and to assassinate , to aid : vnless because you drove him out , ( and that was never made a doubt ) no pow'r is able to restore and bring him in , but on your score . a spiritual doctine , that conduces most properly , to all your vses 't is true , a scorpion's oyl is said to cure the wounds the vermine made ; and weapons drest with salves , restore and heal the hurts they gave before : but whether presbyterians have so much good nature as the salve , or virtue in them as the vermine , those who have tri'd 'em can determine . indeed , 't is pity you should miss th' arrears of all your services , and for th' eternal obligation y' have laid upon th' ungrateful nation : b'us'd so unconscionable hard , as not to find a just reward . for letting rapine loose , and murther , to rage just so far , but no further : and setting all the land on fire , to burn t' a scanting , but no higher : for vent'ring to assassinate , and cut the throats of church and state : and not be allow'd the fittest men to take the charge of both agen . especially , that have the grace of self-denying , gifted face ; who , when your projects have miscarri'd , can lay them , with undaunted fore-head . on those you painfully trepann'd , and sprinkled in at second hand . as we have been , to share the guilt of christian blood , devoutly spilt ; for so our ignorance was flam'd , to damn our selves , t' avoid being damn'd : till finding your old foe , the hang-man , was like to lurch you at back-gammon ; and win your necks upon the set , as well as ours , who did but bet : ( for he had drawn your ears before , and nick'd 'em on the self-same score : ) we threw the box and dice away , before y' had lost us at foul play : and brought you down to rook , and lye , and fancy only , on the by. redeem'd your forfeit jobbernoles , from pearching upon lofty poles : and rescued all your outward traitors from hanging up like allegators : for which ingeniously y' have shew'd your presbyterian gratitude : would freely have paid us home in kind , and not have been one rope behind . those were your motives to divide , and scruple , on the other side , to turn your zealous frauds , and force , to fits of conscience and remorse . to be convinc'd they were in vain , and face about for new again : for truth no more unvail'd your eyes , than maggots are convinc'd to flies : and therefore , all your lights and call ▪ are but apocryphal , and false ▪ to charge us with the consequences of all your native insolences . that to your own imperious wills , laid law and gospel neck and heels : corrupted the old testament , to serve the new for precedent : t' amend its errors and defects , with murther and rebellion-texts : of which there is not any one in all the book , to sow upon : and therefore ( from your tribe ) the jews held christian doctrine forth and vse : as mahomet ( your chief ) began to mix them in the alchoran : denounc'd , and pray'd with fierce devotion , and bended elbows on the cushion : stole from the beggars all your tones , and gifted mortifying groans : had lights where better eyes were blind , as pigs are said to see the wind : fill'd bedlam with predestination , and knights-bridge with illumination : made children , with your tones , to run for 't , as bad as bloody bones or lunsford . while women , great with child , miscarri'd : for being to malignants marri'd : transform'd all wives to dalilahs , whose husbands were not for the cause : and turn'd the men to ten-horn'd cattel , because they came not out to battel : made taylors prentices turn heroes , for fear of being transform'd to meroz ; and rather forfeit their indentures , than not espouse the saints adventures . could transubstantiate , metamorphose , and charm whole herds of beasts , like orpheus ; inchant the king's and churches lands , t' obey and follow your commands : and settle on a new free-hold , as marcly-hill had done of old. could turn the covenant , and translate the gospel into spoons and plate : expound upon all merchants cashes , and open th' intricatest places : could catechise a mony box , and prove all powches orthodox ; vntil the cause became a damon , and pythias , the wicked mammon . and yet , in spight of all your charms , to conjure legion up , in arms ; and raise more devils in the rout , than e'er ywere able to cast out : y' have been reduc'd , and by those fools , bred up ( you say ) in your own schools : who , though but gifted at your feet , have made it plain , they have more wit. by whom you have been so oft trepan'd , and held forth out of all command : out-gifted , out-impuls'd , out-done , and out-reveal'd at carryings on . of all your dispensations worm'd , out-providenc'd , and out-reform'd . ejected out of church , and state , and all things , but the people's hate : and spirited out of th' enjoyments of precious , edifying employments ; by those who lodg'd their gifts and graces , like better bowlers , in your places . all which you bore , with resolution , charg'd on th' account of persecution : and though , most righteously opprest , against your wills , still acquiest : and never hum'd and hah'd sedition , nor snuffled treason , nor misprision . that is , because you never durst ; for had you preach'd and pray'd your worst , alas , you were no longer able to raise your posse of the rabble : one single red-coat sentinel out-charm'd the magick of the spell ; and with his squirt-fire , could disperse whole troops , with chapter rais'd , and verse : we knew too well those tricks of yours , to leave it ever in your powers : or trust our safeties , or vndoings , to your disposing of out-goings ; or to your ordering providence , one farthings-worth of consequence for had you pow'r to undermine , or wit to carry a design , or correspondence to trepan , inveagle , or betray one man ; there 's nothing else that intervenes , and bars your zeal to use the means . and therefore wondrous like , no doubt , to bring in kings , or keep them out : brave undertakers to restore , that could not keep your selves in pow'r t' advance the intersts of the crown , that wanted wit to keep your own . 't is true , you have ( for i 'ld be loth to wrong ye ) done your parts , in both ; to keep him out , and bring him in , as grace is introduc'd by sin ; for 't was your zealous want of sense , and sanctifi'd impertinence : your carrying business in a huddle , that forc'd our rulers to new-modle ; oblig'd the state to tack about , and turn you , root and branch , all out ; to reformado , one and all , t' your great croysado , general : your greedy slav'ring to devour before 't was in your clutches , pow'r . that sprung the game you were to set , before y' had time to draw the net : your spight to see the churches lands divided into other hands . and all your sacrilegious ventures , laid out on tickets and debentures ; your envy to be sprinkled down , by vnder churches in the town . and no course us'd to stop their mouths , nor th' independants spreading growths all which consider'd , 't is most true , none bring him in so much as you . who have prevail'd , beyond their plots , their midnight junto's , and seal'd knots ; that thrive more by your zealous piques , than all their own rash politicks . and th●s way you may claim a share , in carrying ( as you brag ) th' affair ; else frogs , and toads , that croak'd the jews , from pharo , and his brick-kills-loose : and flies , and mange , that set them free , from task-masters , and slavery : were likelier to do the feat , in any indifferent man's conceit ; for who e'er heard of restoratian , vntill your thorough reformation : that is , the king 's and churches lands were sequestred in t ' other hands ? for , only then , and not before , your eyes were opened to restore . and when the work was carrying on , who crost it , but your selves alone ? as , by a world of hints , appears , all plain , and extant , as your ears . but first o' th' first ; the isle of wight will rise up , if you should deny 't ; where hinderson , and th' other masses , were sent to cap texts , and put cases : to pass for deep and learned scholars ; although but paltry , ob-and-sollers : as if th' unseasonable fools had been a cursing in the schools ; vntil th' had prov'd the devil author o' th' covenant , and the cause , his daughter ; for , when they charg'd him with the guilt of all the blood that had been spilt ; they did not mean , he wrought th' effusion in person , like sir pride , or hughson ; but only those , who first begun the quarrel , were by him set on . and who could those be but the saints , those reformation-termegants ? but e'er this past , the wise debate spent so much time , it grew too late ; for oliver had gotten ground , t' enclose them , with his warriers , round : had brought his providence about , and turn'd the untimely sophists out . nor had the uxbridge bus'ness less of non-sence in 't , and sottishness , when from a scoundrel holder-forth , the scum , as well as son o' th' earth , your mighty senators took law at his command , were forc'd t' withdraw ; and sacrifice the peace o' th' nation to doctrine , vse , and application . so when the scots , your constant cronies , th' espousers of your cause , and monies : who had so often , in your aid , so many ways been soundly paid ; came in at last , for better ends , to prove themselves your trusty friends , you basely left them , and the church , th' had train'd you up to , in the lurch , and suffer'd your own tribe of christians to fall before , as true philistines . this shews what vtensils y' have been , to bring the king's concernments in which is so far from being true , that none but he can bring in you. and if he take you into trust , will find you most exactly just : such as will punctually repay with double interest , and betray . not that i think those pantomimes , who vary action with the times ; are less ingenious in their art , than those who dully act one part ; or those who turn from side to side ; more guilty than the wind and tide . all countries are a wise man's home , and so are governments to some , who change them for the same intrigues that states-men use in breaking leagues : while others in old faiths and troths , look od● , as in out-of-fashion'd cloaths : and nastier , in an old opinion , than those who never shift their linnen . for true and faithful's sure to loose , which way soever the game goes : and whether parties lose or win , is always nick'd , or else hedg'd in . while pow'r usurp'd like stol'n delight , is more bewitching than the right . and when the times begin to alter , none rise so high as from the halter . and so may we , if w' have but sense to use the necessary means , and not your usual stratagems on one another , lights and dreames . to stand on terms as positive , as if we did not take , but give : set up the covenant on crutches , ' gainst those who have us in their clutches ; and dream of pulling churches down , before w' are sure to prop our own : your constant method of proceeding , without the carnal means of heeding : who , 'twixt your inward sense , and outward , are worse , than if y 'had none , accoutred . i grant , all courses are in vain , vnless we can get in again ; the only way that 's left us now , but all the difficulty's , how ? 't is true ! w' have money , th' only pow'r that all mankind falls down before : money , that , like the swords of kings , is the last reason of all things . and therefore , need not doubt our play has all advantages that way ; as long as men have faith to sell , and meet with those that can pay well . whose half-starv'd pride and avarice , one church and state will not suffice , t' expose to sale ; beside the wages of storing plagues to after ages . nor is our money less our own , than 't was before we laid it down : for 't will return , and turn t' account , if we are brought in play upon 't ; or , but by casting knaves , get in , what pow'r can hinder us to win ? we know the arts we us'd before , in peace and war , and something more : and by the unfortunate events , can mend our next experiments . for , when w' are taken into trust , how easie are the wisest choust ? who see but th' out-sides of our feats , and not their secret springs and weights ; and while th' are busie at their ease , can carry what designs we please : how easie is 't to serve for agents , to prosecute our old engagements ? to keep the good old cause on foot , and present power from taking root ? inflame them both with false alarms , of plots , and parties , taking arms ; to keep the nation 's wounds too wide for healing up of side to side . profess the passionat'st concerns , for both their interests , by turns . the only way t' improve our own , by dealing faithfully with none ; ( as bowls run true , by being made of purpose false , and to be sway'd ) for , if we should be true to either , 't would turn us out of both together : and therefore have no other means , to stand upon our own defence ; but keeping up our ancient party in vigor , confident , and hearty : to reconcile our late dissenters , our brethren , though by other venters , vnite them and their different maggots , as long and short sticks are in faggots . and make them joyn again as close , as when they first began t' espouse ; erect them into separate new jewish tribes , in church and state ; to joyn in marriage and commerce , and only among themselves converse . and all that are not of their mind , make enemies to all mankind : take all religions in and stickle , from conclave , down to conventicle ; agreeing still , or disagreeing , according to the light in being . sometimes , for liberty of conscience , and spiritual miss-rule , in one sense . but in another quite contrary , as dispensations chance to vary : and stand for , as the times will bear it , all contradictions of the spirit : protect their emessaries , impowr'd to preach sedition and the word : and when th' are hamper'd by the laws , release the lab'rers for the cause ; and turn the persecution back , on those that made the first attack . to keep them equally in awe , from breaking or maintaining law ; and when they have their fits to soon , before the full-tides of the moon : put off their zeal t' a fitter season , for sowing faction in , and treason ; and keep them hooded , and their churches , like hawks from bating on their perches . that when the blessed time shall come , of quitting babylon and rome , they may be ready to restore their own fifth-monarchy , once more ; mean while , be better arm'd to fence , against revolts of providence ; by watching narrowly , and snapping all blind sides of it , as they happen : for , if success could make us saints , our ruin turn'd us miscreants : a scandal that would fall too hard vpon a few , and unprepar'd . these are the courses we must run , spight of our hearts , or be undone : and not to stand on terms and freaks , before we have secur'd our necks . but do our work , as out of sight , as stars by day , and suns by night : all licence of the people own , in opposition to the crown . and for the crown as fiercely side , the head and body to divide ; the end of all we first design'd , and all that yet remains behind : be sure to spare no publick rapine , on all emergencies that happen ; for 't is as easie to supplant authority , as men in want : as some of us , in trusts , have made the one hand with the other trade ; gain'd vastly , by their joynt-endeavour ; the right a thief , the left receiver . and what the one , by tricks , forestall'd , the other , by as sly , retail'd . for gain has wonderful effects , t' improve the factory of sects ; the rule of faith in all professions , and great diana of the ephesians : whence turning of religion's made the means to turn and wind a trade . and though some change it for the worse , they put themselves into a course ; and draw in store of customers , to thrive the better in commerce : for , all religions flock together , like tame , and wild-fowl of a feather ; to nab the itches of their sects ; as jades do one another's necks . hence 't is , hypocrisie , as well , will serve t' improve a church , as zeal ; as persecution , or promotion , do equally advance devotion . let business , like ill watches , go , sometime too fast , sometime to slow : for , things in order are put out so easie , ease it self will do 't . but when the feat's design'd and meant , what miracle can bar th' event ? for 't is more easie to betray , than ruin any other way . all possible occasions start , the weighty'st matters to divert : obstruct , perplex , distract , intangle , and lay perpetual trains to wrangle : but in affairs of less import , that neither do us good nor hurt , and they receive as little by , out-fawn as much , and out-comply : and seem as scrupulously just , to bait our hooks for greater trust . but still be careful to cry down all publick actions , though our own : the least miscarriage aggravate , and charge it all upon the state : express the horrid'st detestation , and pity the distracted nation . tell stories , scandalous and false , i' th' proper language of cabals : where all a subtil states-man says is half in words , and half in face : ( as spaniards talk in dialogues , of heads and shoulders , nods and shrugs ) entrust it under solemn vows of mum and silence , and the rose , to be retail'd again in whispers , for th' easie credulous to disperse . thus far the states-man . when a shout , heard at a distance , put him out . and strait another , all agast , rush'd in with equal fear and haste : who star'd about , as pale as death , and for a while , as out of breath ; till having gather'd up his wits ; he thus began his tale by fits. that beastly rabble , — that came down , from all the garrets — in the town , and stalls , and shop-boards — in vast swarms , with new-chalk'd bills , — and rusty arms , to cry the cause — up , heretofore , and bawl the bishops — out of door ; are now drawn up , — in greater shoals , to roast — and broil us on the coals : and all the grandees — of our members are carbonading on — the embers ; knights , citizens and burgesses — held forth by rumps — of pigs and geese . that serve for characters — and badges , to represent their personages , each bone-fire is a funeral pile , in which they roast , and scorch , and broil ; and ev'ry representative have vow'd to roast — and broil alive ; and 't is a miracle , we are not already , sacrific'd incarnate . for , while we wrangle here , and jar , w' are grylly'd all at temple-bar : some , on the sign-post of an ale-house , hang in effigy , on the gallows , made up of rags , to personate respective officers of state ; that henceforth they may stand reputed , proscrib'd in law , and executed , and while the work is carrying on , be ready listed under dun ; that worthy patriot , once the bellows , and tinder-box of all his fellows . the activ'st member of the five , as well as the most primitive : who , for his faithful service then , is chosen for a fifth agen ; ( for , since the state has made a quint of generals , he 's listed in 't . ) this worthy , as the world will say , is paid in specie , his own way ; for , moulded to the life in clouts , th' have pick'd from dung-hills hereabouts : he 's mounted on a hazel bavin , a crop'd malignant baker gave 'em : and , to the largest bonefire riding , th' have roasted cook already , and pride-m . on whom , in equipage , and state , his scare-crow fellow-members wait ; and march in order , two and two , as at thanksgivings th' us'd to do : each in a tatter'd talismane , like vermine in effigie slain . but ( what 's more dreadful than the rest ) those rumps are but the tail o' th' beast ; set up by popish engineers , as by the crackers plainly appears : for , none but jesuits have a mission to preach the faith with ammunition ; and propagate the church with powder , their founder was a blown up soldier . these spiritual pioneers o' th' whores , that have the charge of all her stores ; since first they fail'd in their designs , to take in heav'n by springing mines ; and with unanswerable barrels of gun-powder , dispute their quarrels : now take a course more practicable , by laying trains to fire the rabble , and blow us up in th' open streets ; disguis'd in rumps , like sambenites ; more like to ruin , and confound , than all their doctrines under-ground . nor have they chosen rumps amiss , for symbols of state-mysteries ; though some suppose , 't was but to shew how much they scorn'd the saints , the few ; who , ' cause th' are wasted to the stumps , are represented best by rumps , but jesuits have deeper reaches in all their politick far-fetches : and from their coptick priest , kirkerus , found out this mystick way to jeer us . for , as the aegyptians us'd , by bees , t' express their antick ptolomies ; and by their stings , the swords they wore , held forth authority and pow'r : because these subtil animals bear all their int'rests in their tails ; and when th' are once impair'd in that , are banish'd their well-order'd state : they thought all governments were best , by hieroglyphick rumps , exprest , for , as in bodies natural , the rump's the fundament of all ; so , in a commomwealth , or realm , the government is call'd the helm : with which , like vessels under sail , th' are turn'd and winded by the tail. the tail , which birds and fishes steer their courses with , through sea and air ; to whom the rudder of the rump is the same thing with the stern and compass . this shews how perfectly the rump and commonwealth in nature jump . for , as a fly , that goes to bed , rests with his tail above his head ; so in this mung●el state of ours , the rabble are the supreme powers . that hors'd us on their backs , to show us a jadish trick at last , and throw us . the learned rabbins of the jews write , there 's a bone which they call luez , i' th' rump of man , of such a vertue , no force in nature can do hurt to ; and therefore , at the last great day , all th' other members shall , they say , spring out of this , as from a seed , all sorts of vegetals proceed : from whence , the learned sons of art , os sacrum , justly stile that part. then what can better represent , than this rump-bone , the parliament ? that after several rude ejections , and as prodigious resurrections ; with new reversions of nine lives , starts up , and like a cat , revives ? but now , alas , th' are all expir'd , and th' house , as well as members fir'd ; comsum'd in kennels ; by the rout , with which they other fires put out : condemn'd t' ungoverning distress , and paultry , private wretchedness : worse than the devil to privation , beyond all hopes of restauration ; and parted like the body and soul , from all dominion and controul . we , who could lately , with a look , enact , establish , or revoke ; whose arbitrary nods gave law , and frowns kept multitudes in awe : before the bluster of whose huff , all hats , as in a storm , flew off . ador'd and bow'd to , by the great , down to the foot-man , and valet . had more bent knees than chappel-mats , and prayers , than the crowns of hats ; shall now be scorn'd as wretchedly , for ruin's just as low as high ; which might be suffer'd , were it all the horrour , that attends our fall : for , some of us have scores more large than heads and quarters can discharge . and others who , by restless scraping with publick frauds , and private rapine ; have mighty heaps of wealth amass'd , would gladly lay-down all at last : and to be but undone , entail their vessels on perpetual jail ; and bless the devil to let them farms of forfeit souls , on no worse terms . this said , a near and louder shout put all th' assembly to the rout : who now begun t' out-run their fear , as horses do , from those that bear : but crouded on , with so much haste , vntill th' had block'd the passage fast ; and barricadoed it with haunches of outward men , and bulks , and paunches : that with their shoulders strove to squeeze , and rather save a cripled piece of all their crush'd and broken members , than have them grillied on the embers : still pressing on with heavy packs , of one another , on their backs : the van-guard could no longer bear the charges of the forlorn rere ; but born down head-long by the rout , were trampled sorely under foot. yet nothing prov'd so formidable , as the horrid cookery of the rabble : and fear that keeps all feeling out , as lesser pains are , by the gout , reliev'd 'em with a fresh supply of rallied force , enough to fly ; and beat a tuscan running horse , whose jocky-rider is all spurs . canto iii. the argument . the knight and squire 's prodigious flight : to quit th' inchanted bow'r by night : he plods to turn his amorous suit t' a plea in law , and prosecute : repairs to counsel , to advise 'bout managing the enterprize : but first resolves to try by letter , and once more , fair address , to get her . who would believe what strange bugbears mankind creates it self , of fears ? that spri●g like fern , that insect weed , equivocally , without seed ; and have no possible foundation , but merely in th' imagination : and yet can do more dreadful feats , than hags , with all their imps and teats : make more bewitch and haunt themselves , than all their nurseries of elves . for fear does things so like a witch , 't is hard t' unriddle which is which . sets up communities of senses , to chop and change intelligences : as rosi-crusian virtuoso's , can see with ears , and hear with noses : and when they neither see nor hear , have more than both suppli'd by fear ; that makes 'em in the dark see visions , and hag themselves with apparitions . and when their eyes discover least , discern the subt'lest objects best . do things not contrary alone to th' course of nature , but it s own . the courage of the bravest daunt , and turn pultroons as valiant ; for men as resolute appear with too much , as too little fear . and when th' are out of hopes of flying , will run away from death by dying : or turn again to stand it out , and those that fled , like lions rout. this hudibras had prov'd too true , who , by the furies , left perdue : and haunted with detachments , sent from marshal-legion's regiment ; was by a fiend , as counterfeit , reliev'd and rescu'd with a cheat : when nothing but himself and fear was both the imps and conjurer : as by the rules o' th virtuosi , it follows in due form of posie . disguis'd in all the masks of night , we left our champion on his flight : at blind-man's-buff , to grope his way , in equal fear , of night and day : who took his dark and desp'rate course , he knew no better than his horse ; and by an unknown devil led , ( he knew as little whether ) fled , he never was in greater need , nor less capacity of speed : disabled both in man and beast , to fly , and run away , his best ; to keep the enemy , and fear , from equal falling on his rere . and tho with kicks and bangs he ply'd the further , and the nearer side : ( as sea-men ride with all their force , and tug as if they row'd the horse ; and when the hackney sails most swift , believe they lag , or run a-drift ) so though he posted e'er so fast , his fear was greater than his haste : for fear , though fleeter than the wind , believes 't is always left behind . but when the morn began to appear , and shift t' another scene his fear ; he found his new officious shade , that came so timely to his aid ; and forc'd him from the foe t' escape , had turn'd it self to ralpho 's shape . so like in person , garb , and pitch , 't was hard t' interpret which was which . for ralpho had no sooner told the lady all he had t' unfold , but she convey'd him out of sight . to entertain the approaching knight . and while he gave himself diversion , t' accommodate his beast and person , and put his beard into a posture , at best advantage to accost her : she order'd th' antimasquerade , ( for his reception ) aforesaid : but when the ceremony was done , the lights put out , and furies gone ; and hudibras , amongst the rest , convey'd away , as ralpho guest : the wretched caitiff all alone , ( as he believ'd ) began to moan , and tell his story to himself ; the knight mistook him for an elf. and did so still , till he began to scruple at ralph's outward man ; and thought , because they oft agreed , t' appear in one another's stead ; and act the saint 's and devil 's part. with undistinguishable art ; they might have done so now perhaps , and put on one another's shapes ; and therefore , to resolve the doubt , he star'd upon him , and cry'd out . what art ? my squire , or that bold sprite , that took his place and shape to night ? some busie independent pug , retainer to his synagogue ? alas , quoth he , i 'm none of those your bosom-friends , as you suppose ; but ralph himself , your trusty squire , wh ' has drag'd your dunship out o' th' mire ; and from the inchantments of a widdow , wh ' had turn'd you in t ' a beast , have freed you . and though a prisoner of war , have brought you safe , where now you are . which you would gratefully repay , your constant presbyterian way . that 's stranger ( quoth the knight ) and stranger : who gave thee notice of my danger ? quoth he , th' infernal conjurer pursu'd , and took me prisoner ; and knowing you were hereabout , brought me along , to find you out . where i , in hugger-mugger hid , have noted all they said and did : and though they lay to him the pageant , i did not see him , nor his agent ; who plai'd their sorceries out of sight , t' avoid a fiercer , second fight . but , didst thou see no devils then ? not one , quoth he , but carnal men. a little worse than fiends in hell , and that she-devil , jezabel ; that laugh'd and tee-he'd with derision , to see them take your deposition . what then ( quoth hudibras ) was he that plai'd the dev'l , to examine me ? a rallying weaver in the town , that did it in a parson's gown : whom all the parish takes for gifted ; but , for my part , i ne'er believ'd it . in which you told them all your feats , your conscientious frauds and cheats ; deny'd your whipping , and confess'd the naked truth of all the rest : more plainly than the reverend writer , that to our churches veil'd his mitre . all which they took in black and white , and cudgel'd me to under-write . what made thee , when they all were gone , and none but thou and i alone ; to act the devil , and forbear to rid me of my hellish fear ? quoth he , i knew your constant rate , and frame of sp'rite , too obstinate , to be by me prevail'd upon with any motives of my own : and therefore strove to counterfeit the dev'l a while , to nick your wit. the devil , that is your constant crony , that only can prevail upon ye ; else we might still have been disputing , and they with weighty drubs confuting . the knight , who now began to find th' had left the enemy behind ; and saw no farther harm remain , but feeble weariness and pain , perceiv'd , by losing of their way , th' had gain'd th' advantage of the day ; and by declining of the road , they had by chance their rere made good . he ventur'd to dismiss his fear , that parting 's wont to rant and tear. and gives the desperat'st attack to danger , still behind its back . for , having paws'd to recollect , and on his past success reflect , t' examine and consider why , and whence , and how , he came to fly ; and when no devil had appear'd , what else , it could be said , he fear'd ? it put him in so fierce a rage ; he once resolv'd to re-engage ; tost like a foot-ball back again , with shame , and vengeance , and disdain . quoth he , it was thy cowardise that made me from this leaguer rise ; and when i had half reduc'd the place , to quit it infamously base . was better cover'd by thy new arriv'd detachment than i knew : to slight my new acquest , and run victoriously , from battels won . and reck'ning all i gain'd or lost , to sell them cheaper than they cost , to make me put my self to flight ; and conqu'ring , run away by night . to drag me out , which th' haughty foe , durst never have presum'd to do . to mount me in the dark by force , vpon the bare ridge of my horse . expos'd in querpo to their rage , without my arms and equipage ; lest , if they ventur'd to pursue , i might the unequal fight renew . and , to preserve thy outward man , assum'd my place , and led the van. all this , quoth ralph , i did , 't is true , not to preserve my self , but you . you , who were damn'd to baser drubs , than wretches feel in powd'ring tubs ; to mount two wheel'd carroches , worse than mannaging a wooden horse : drag'd out through straiter holes , by th' ears , eras'd , or coup'd for perjurers . who , though the attempt had prov'd in vain , had had no reason to complain : but since it prosper'd , 't is unhandsome to blame the hand that paid your ransome : and rescued your obnoxious bones from unavoidable battoons . the enemy was reinforc'd , and we disabled and unhors'd : disarm'd , unqualifi'd for fight ; and no way left , but hasty flight . which , though as desperate in the attempt , has giv'n you freedom to condemn 't . but were our bones in fit condition to re-inforce the expedition , 't is now unseasonable , and vain , to think of falling on again : no martial project to surprize , can ever be attempted twice ; nor cast design serve afterwards , as gamesters tear their losing cards . beside , our bangs of man and beast are fit for nothing now but rest . and for a while will not be able to rally , and prove serviceable . and therefore i with reason chose this stratagem , t' amuse our foes . to make an honourable retreat , and wave a total sure defeat : for , those that fly , may fight again , which he can never do that 's slain . hence timely running's no mean part of conduct , in the martial art , by which some glorious feats atchieve as citizens , by breaking , thrive . and cannons conquer armies , while they seem to draw off and recoyl . is held the gallantest course , and bravest , to great exploits , as well as safest : that spares the expence of time and pains , and dangerous beating out of brains . and in the end prevails , as certain , as those that never trust to fortune ; but make their fear do execution , beyond the stoutest resolution ; as earth-quakes kill , without a blow , and only trembling , overthrow . if th' ancients crown'd their bravest men that only sav'd a citizen , what victory could e'er be won , if ev'ry one would save but one ? or fight endanger'd to be lost , where all resolve to save the most ? by this means , when a battel 's won , the war 's as far from being done : for those that save themselves , and fly , go halves , at least , in th' victory : and sometime , when their loss is small , and danger great , they challenge all : print new additions to their feats , and emendations in gazets ; and when , for furious haste to run , they durst not stay to fire a gun : have don 't with bone-fires , and at home , make squibs and crackers overcome . to set the rabble on a flame , and keep their governours from blame , disperse the news , the pulpit tells , confirm'd with fire-works , and with bells : and though reduc'd to that extream , they have been forc'd to sing te deum ; yet , with religious blasphemy , by flattering heaven with a lie , and for their beating , giving thanks , th' have rais'd recruits , and fill'd their banks ; for those who run from the enemy , engage them equally to fly . and when the fight becomes a chace , those win the day , that win the race ; and that which would not pass in fights , has done the feat with easie slights . recover'd many a desp'rate campain , with bourdeaux , burgundy and champain . restor'd the fainting high and mighty with brandy-wine and aqua-vitae . and made them stoutly overcome , with bacrach , hocamore and mum : whom , the uncontroul'd decrees of fate to victory necessitate ; with which , although they run or burn , they unavoidably return : or else their sultan-populaces still stra●gle all their routed bassa's . quoth hudibras , i understand what fights thou mean'st at sea and land ; and who those were that run away , and yet gave out th' had won the day : although the rabble souc'd them for 't , o'er head and ears in mud and dirt. 't is true , our modern way of war is grown more politick by far ; but not so resolute and bold , nor ty'd to honour , as the old. for , now they laugh at giving battel , vnless it be to herds of cattel : or fighting convoys of provision , the whole design of the expedition . and not with down-right blows to rout the enemy , but eat them out : as fighting in all beasts of prey , and eating are perform'd one way , to give defiance to their teeth , and fight their stubborn guts to death , and those atchieve the high'st renown , that bring the other stomachs down , there 's now no fear of wounds nor maiming , all dangers are reduc'd to famine . and feats of arms , to plot , design , surprize , and stratagem , and mine . but have no need , nor use of courage , vnless it be for glory , or forrage : for if they fight , 't is but by chance , when one side vent'ring to advance , and come uncivilly too near , are charg'd unmercifully i' th' rere : and forc'd with terrible resistance , to keep hereafter at a distance ; to pick out ground to incamp upon where store of largest rivers run , that serve instead of peaceful barriers to part th' engagements of their warriers . where both from side to side may skip , and only encounter at bo-peep . for men are found the stouter hearted , the certainer th' are to be parted . and therefore post themselves in bogs , as the ancient mice attack'd the frogs : and made their mortal enemy , the water-rat , their great ally . for 't is not now , who 's stout and bold ; but who bears hunger best , and cold : and he 's approv'd the most deserving , who longest can hold out at starving : but he that routs most pigs and cows , the formidablest man of prowess . so , the emperor caligula , that triumph'd o'er the british sea ; took crabs and oysters prisoners , and lobsters , ' stead of curasiers ; engag'd his legions in fierce bustles , with periwinkles , prawns and muscles : and led his troops with furious gallops , to charge whole regiments of scallops . not like their ancient way of war , to wait on his triumphal carr , but when he went to dine or sup , more bravely eat his captives up ; and left all wars by his example , reduc'd to vict'ling of a camp well . quoth ralph , by all that you have said , and twice as much that i could add , t is plain , you cannot now do worse , than take this out-of-fashion'd course : to hope by stratagem to woo her , or waging battle to subdue her . though some have done it in romances , and bang'd them into amorous fancies , as those who won the amazons , by wanton urubbing of their bones : and stout rinaldo gain'd his bride by courting of her back and side . but since those times and feats are over , they are not for a modern lover : when mistresses are too cross-grain'd , by such addresses to be gain'd : and if they were , would have it out , with many other kind of bout. therefore i hold no course's infesible as this of force to win the jezabel , to storm her heart , by th' antick charms of ladies errant , force of arms ; but rather strive by law to win her , and try the title you have in her , your case is clear , you have her word , and me to witness the accord . besides two more of her retinue , to testifie what pass'd between you . more probable , and like to hold , than hand , or seal , or breaking gold for which so many that renounc'd their plighted contracts , have been trounc'd . and bills upon record been found , that forc'd the ladies to compound : and that , unless i miss the matter , is all the business you look after : besides , encounters at the bar , are braver now , than those in war , in which the law does execution , with less disorder and confusion : has more of honour in 't some hold , not like the new way , but the old. when those the pen had drawn together , divided quarrels with the feather , and winged arrows kill'd as dead , and more then bullets now of lead . so all their combats now , as then , are manag'd chiefly by the pen. that does ●he feat , with braver vigours , in words a● length , as well as figures . is judge of all the world performs , in voluntary feats of arms. and whatso'ere's atchiev'd in fight , determines which is wrong or right ? for whether you prevail or lose , all must be try'd there in the close . and therefore 't is not wise to shun , what you must trust to , ere y' have done . the law , that settles all you do , and marries where you did but woo . that makes the most perfidious lover , a lady , that 's as false , recover : and if it judge upon your side , will soon extend her for your bride ; and put her person , goods , or lands , or which you like best in t ' your hands ; for law 's the wisdom of all ages and manag'd by the ablest sages , who through their bus'ness at the bar. be but a kind of civil war. in which th' ingage with fiercer dudgeons than e're the grecians did and trojans . they never manage the contest , t' impair their publick interest ; or by their controversies , lessen the dignity of their profession : not like us brethren , who divide our common-wealth , the cause and side , and though w' are all as near of kindred as the outward man is to the inward ; we agree in nothing but to wrangle about the slightest fingle fangle , while lawyers have more sober sense , than to argue at their own expence . but make their best advantages , of other quarrels , like the swiss , and out of foreign controversies , by aiding both sides , fill their purses . but have no int'rest in the cause , for which th' engage , and wage the laws : nor further prospect than their pay , whether they lose or win the day . and though th' abounded in all ages , with sundry learned clerks , and sages ; though all their business be dispute , with which they canvas every suit ; th' have no disputes about their art , nor in polemicks controvert . while all professions else are found , with nothing but disputes t' abound ; divines of all sorts , and physicians , philosophers , mathematicians ; the gallenist , and paracelsian , condemn the way each other deals in ▪ anatomists dissect and mangle , to cut themselves out work to wrangle . astrologers dispute their dreams ; that in their sleeps they talk of scheme● . and heralds stickle , who got who , so many hundred years ago . but lawyers are too wise a nation , t' expose their trade to disputation : or make the busie rabble judges , of all their secret piques , and grudges : in which whoever wins the day , the whole profession's sure to pay . beside , no mountebanks , nor cheats dare undertake to do their feats ; when in all other sciences , they swarm , like insects , and increase : for what bigot durst ever draw , by inward light , a deed in law ? or could hold forth , by revelation . an answer to a declaration ? for those that meddle with their tools will cut their fingers , if th' are fools . and if you follow their advice , in bills and answers , and replies : they 'l write a love-letter in chancery shall bring her upon oath to answer ye . and soon reduce you to b' your wife , or make her weary of her life . the knight who us'd with tricks and shifts , to edifie by ralpho 's gifts : but in appearance cry'd him down , to make them better seem his own , ( all plagiary 's constant course of sinking , when they take a purse ) resolv'd to follow his advice , but kept it from him in disguise : and after stubborn contradiction , to counterfeit his own conviction , and by transition , fall upon the resolution , as his own . quoth he ; this gambol thou advisest , is of all others , the unwisest ; for if i think by law to gain her , there 's nothing fillier nor vainer . 't is but to hazard my pretence , where nothing's certain but th' expence . to act against my self , and traverse my suit and title to her favours . and if she should , which heaven forbid , o'rethrow me , as the fidler did , what after-course have i to take , 'gainst losing all i have at stake ? he that with injury is griev'd , and goes to law to be reliev'd ; is sillier than a scottish chews . who when a thief has rob'd his house ; applyes himself to cunning-men to help him to his goods again . when all he can expect to gain , is but to squander more in vain : and yet i have no other way , but is as difficult , to play . for to reduce her , by main force , is now in vain , by fair means , worse : but worst of all , to give her over , till she 's as desp'rate to recover . for bad games are thrown up too soon , vntil th' are never to be won . but since i have no other course , but is as bad t' attempt , or worse : he that complies against his will , is of his own opinion still ; which he may adhere to , yet disown , for reasons to himself best known : but 't is not to be avoided now , for sidrophel resolves to sue : whom i must answer , or begin inevitably , first with him . for i 've receiv'd advertisement , by times , enough of his intent ; and knowing , he that first complains , th' advantage of the business gains . for courts of justice understand the plaintiff to be eldest hand ; who what he pleases may averr the other nothing till he swear : is freely admitted to all grace , and lawful favour by his place ; and for his bringing custom in , has all advantages to win . i , who resolve to oversee no lucky opportunity , will go to counsel , to advise which way t' encounter or surprize . and after long consideration , have found out one to fit th' occasion ; most apt , for what i have to do , as counsellor , and justice too . and truly so , no doubt , he was , a lawyer fit for such a case . an old dull sot ; wh ' had told the clock , for many years at bridewel-dock . at westminster , and hickses-hall , and hiccius-dockius play'd in all ; where in all governments , and times , h' had been both friend , and foe to crimes , and us'd two equal ways of gaining , by hindring justice , or maintaining : to many a whore gave priviledge , and whip'd for want of quarteridge , cart-loads of bawds , to prison sent for b'ing behind a fortnights rent . and many a trusty pimp and croney , to puddle-dock , for want of money . ingag'd the constable to seize all those , that would not break the peace . nor give him back his own foul words , though sometimes commoners or lords : and kept 'em prisoners , of course , for being sober at ill hours . that in the morning he might free , or bind 'em over , for his fee. made monsters fine , and puppet plays , for leave to practice , in their ways : farm'd out all cheats , and went a share , with th' headborough and scavenger , and made the dirt i' th' streets compound , for taking up the publick ground : the kennel and the king's high-way , for being unmolested , pay. let out the stocks , and whipping-post , and cage , to those that gave him most ; impos'd a tax on bakers ears . and for false weights on chandellers . made victuallers , and vintners fine for arb●trary ale and wine . but was a kind and constant friend to all that regularly offend : as residentiary bawds , and brokers that receive stoll'n goods ; that cheat in lawful mysteries , and pay church-duties , and his fees ; but was implacable and auker'd to all that interlop'd , and hawker'd . to this brave man , the knight repairs for counsel , in his law-affairs ; and found him mounted , in his pew , with books , and mony plac'd , for shew , like nest-eggs , to make clients lay , and for his false opinion pay : to whom the knight , with comely grace , put off his hat , to put his case : which he as proudly entertain'd . as the other courteously strain'd . and to assure him , 't was not that he look'd for ; bid him put on 's hat. quoth he , there is one sidrophel whom i have cudgel'd — very well . and now he brags , t' have beaten me . better , and better still , quoth he . and vows to stick me to a wall where e're he meets me — best of all . 't is true , the knave has taken's oath that i rob'd him — well done in troth . when h' has confest he stole my cloak , and pick'd my fob , and what he took , which was the cause that made me bang him , and take my goods again — marry hang him : now whether i should , before hand swear he rob'd me ? i understand , or bring my action of conversion and trover for my goods ? ah whorson . or if 't is better to indite , and bring him to his trial ? — right , prevent what he designs to do , and swear for th' state against him ? — true. or whether he that is defendant in this case , has the better end on 't ; who putting in a new cross-bill , may traverse th' action — better still . then there 's a lady too . — i marry , that 's easily prov'd accessary . a widow , who by solemn vows , contracted to me , for my spouse , combin'd with him to break her word , and has abetted all — good lord , suborn'd the aforesaid sidrophel , to tamper with the dev'l of hell. who put me into horrid fear , fear of my life , — make that appear . made an assault , with fiends and men. vpon my body . — good agen . and kept me in a deadly fright and false imprisonment all night , mean while , they rob'd me , and my horse , and stole my saddle , — worse and worse ; and made mount upon the bare-ridge , t' avoid a wretcheder miscarriage . sir , quoth the lawyer , not to flatter ye , you have as good , and fair a battery , as heart can wish , and need not shame the proudest man alive to claim . for if th' have us'd you , as you say , marry , quoth i , god give you joy , i would it were my case , i 'd give , more than i 'll say , or you 'll believe . i would so trounce her , and her purse , i 'ld make her kneel for bett'r or worse ; for matrimony , and hanging here , both go by destiny so clear , that you as sure , may pick and choose , as cross i win , and pile you lose . and if i durst , i would advance as much , in ready maintenance ; as upon any case i 've known : but we that practice dare not own , the law severely contrabands , our taking business off mens hands ; 't is common barratry , that bears point blank an action ' gainst our ears , and crops them , till there is not leather to stick a pin in , left of either ; for which , some do the sommer-sault and o'er the bar , like tumblers , vault . but you may swear at any rate things not in nature , for the state : for in all courts of justice here a witness is not said to swear , but make oath , that is , in plain terms to forge whatever he affirms : ( i thank you , quoth the knight , for that , because 't is to my purpose pat — ) for justice , though she 's painted blind , is to the weaker side enclin'd , like charity , else right , and wrong , could never hold it out so long , and , like blind fortune , with a slight , conveys mens interest , and right , from stiles's pocket , into nokeses : as easily as hocus pocus . plays fast and loose , makes men obnoxious , and clear again , like hiccius-doctius . then whether you would take her life , or but recover , her for your wife : or be content with what she has , and let all others matters pass , the business to the law 's alone , the proof is all it look's upon . and you can want no witnesses , to swear to any thing you please . that hardly get their meer expences by th' labor of their consciences , or letting out to hire , their ears , to affidavit customers : at inconsiderable values , to serve for jury-men , or tales , although retain'd in th' hardest matters , of trustees , and administrators : for that , quoth he , let me alone , w' have store of such , and all our own , bred up and tutor'd , by our teachers , the ablest of conscience-stretchers . that 's well ! quoth he , but i should guess , by weighing of advantages . your surest way is first to pitch on bougey , for a water-witch : and when y' have hang'd the conjurer , y' have time enough to deal with her . in th' intrim ; spare for no trepans , to draw her neck , into the banes ; ply her with love-letters , and billets , and bait'em well , for quirks , and quillets , with trains t' inveigle and surprise , her heedless answers , and reply's : and if she miss the moustrap-lines , they 'll serve for other by-designs : and make an artist understand , to copy out her seal , or hand : or find void places in the paper , to steal in something to intrap her . 'till with her worldly goods , and body , spight of her heart , she has indow'd ye retain all sorts of witnesses , that ply i th' temples , under trees . or walk the round , with knights ot'h posts : about the cross-leg'd knights , their hosts , or wait for customers , between the piller-rows in lincolns-inn . where vouchers , forgers , common-bayl , and affidavit-men , ne'r fail t' expose to sale , all sorts of oaths , according to their ears , and cloaths . their only necessary tools , besides the gospel , and their souls . and when y' are furnish'd with all purveys i shall be ready at your service . i would not give , quoth hudibras , a straw to understand a case , without the admirabler skill to wind , and manage it at will : to vere , and tack , and steer a cause , against the weather-gage of laws ; and ring the changes upon cases , as plain , as noses upon faces . as you have well instructed me , for which you have earn'd ( here 't is ) your fee , i long to practice your advice and try the subtle artifice : to bait a letter , as you bid , as not long after , thus he did , for having pump'd up all his wit , and humm'd upon it , thus he writ . an heroical epistle of hudibras to his lady . i who was once as great as caesar , am now reduc'd to nebuchadnezer . and from as fam'd a conqueror as ever took degree in war , or did his exercise in battel , by you turn'd out to grass with cattel . for since i am deny'd access to all my earthly happiness . am fallen from the paradise of your good graces , and fair eyes . lost to the world , and you , i 'm sent to everlasting banishment , where all the hopes i had , t' have won your heart , being dash'd , will break my own . yet if you were not so severe to pass your doom , before you hear , you 'll find , upon my just defence , how much y' have wrong'd my innocence , that once i made a vow to you , which yet is unperform'd 't is true ; but not , because it is unpaid , 't is violated , though delay'd : or if it were , it is no fault so heinous , as you 'ld have it thought , to undergo the loss of ears , like vulgar hackney perjurers , for there 's a difference in the case between the noble , and the base : who always are observ'd t' have don 't , upon as different an account : the one for great , and weighty cause , to salve in honour ugly flaws . for none are like to do it sooner , than those , who are nicest of their honour . the other , for base gain , and pay , forswear , and perjure , by the day ; and make th' exposing , and retailing their souls , and consciences , a calling . it is no scandal , nor aspersion , upon a great and noble person , to say , he nat'rally abhorr'd th' old fashion'd trick , to keep his word , though 't is persidiousness , and shame , in meaner men , to do the same . for to be able to forget , is found more useful , to the great : then gout , or deafness , or bad eyes , to make 'em pass for wondrous wise . but though the law , on perjurers , inflicts the forfeiture of ears ; it is not just , that does exempt the guilty , and punish the innocent , to make the ears repair the wrong , committed by th' ungovern'd tongue ; and when one member is forsworn , another to be cropt or torn . and if you should , as you design , by course of law recover mine . you 're like , if you consider right , to gain but little honour by 't . for he that for his ladies sake lays down his life , or limbs at stake , does not so much deserve her favour , as he that pawns his soul to have her . this y' have acknowledg'd i have done although you now disdain to own : but sentence , what you rather ought t' esteem good service , than a fault . besides , oaths are not bound to bear that literal sense , the words infer , but by the practice of the age , are to be judg'd how far th' ingage . and where the sense by custom 's checkt , are found void , and of none effect . for no man takes , or keeps a vow , but just as he sees others do , nor are th' oblig'd to be so brittle , as not to yield , and bow a little , for as best temper'd blades are found before they break , to bend quite round , so truest oaths are still most tough , and though they bow , are breaking-proof . then wherefore shall they not b' allow'd in love a greater-latitude ? for as the law of arms approves all way● to conquests , so should loves ; and not be ty'd to true or false , but make that justest , that prevails , for how can that which is above , all empire , high and mighty love , submit it 's great prerogative , to any other power alive ? shall love , that to no crown gives place become the subject of a case ? the fundamental law of nature , be over-rul'd ! by those made after ? commit the censure of its cause to any , but it 's own great laws ? love , that 's the worlds preservative , that keeps all souls of things alive ? controuls the mighty pow'r of fate , and gives mankind a longer date . the life of nature , that restores , as fast as time and death devours , to whose free gift , the world does ow not only earth but heav'n too : for love's the only trade that 's driven the interest of state in heaven , which nothing but the soul of man , is capable to entertain . for what can earth produce , but love to represent the joys above ? or who , but lovers , can converse , like angels : by the eye discourse ? address , and complement by vision , make love , and court by intuition ? and burn in amorous flames as fierce , as those celestial ministers ? then how can any thing offend in order , to so great an end ? or heav'n it self a sin resent , that for its own supply was ment ? that merits in a kind mistake , a pardo● for the offences sake . or if it did not , but the cause were left to th' injury of laws , what tyranny can disapprove there should be equity in love ? for laws that are inanimate , and feel no sense of love , or hate : that have no passion of their own , not pity to be wrought upon , are only proper to inflict revenge , or criminals , as strict but to have power to forgive , is empire , and prerogative ; and 't is in crowns , a nobler jem , to grant a pardon , then condemn . then since so few do what they ought 't is great t' indulge a well-meant fault . for why should he , who made address all humble ways , without success , and met with nothing in return , but insolence , affronts , and scorn , not strive by wit to countermine , and bravely carry his design ? he who was us'd so unlike a soldier , blown up with philters of love-powder ? and after letting blood and purging , condemn'd to voluntary scourging ? alarm'd with many a horrid fright , and claw'd , by goblins , in the night ? insulted on , revil'd and jeer'd , with rude invasion of his beard ? and when your sex was foully scandal'd , as foully by the rabble handled ? attack'd by despicable foes , and drub'd with mean and vulgar blows ; and after all , to be debarr'd so much as standing on his gaurd ? when horses being spurr'd and prick'd , have leave to kick for being kick'd , or why should you , whose mother wits are furnish'd with all perquisits ? that with your breeding teeth begin , and nursing babies , that lie in ? b' allow'd to put all tricks upon our cully-sex , and we use none ? we , who have nothing but frail vows , against your statagems t' oppose ? or oaths , more feeble than your own , by which , we are no less put down ? you wound , like parthians , while you fly , and kill with a retreating eye ; retire the more , the more we press , to draw us into ambushes . as pyrates all false colours wear , t' intrap th' unwary mariner : so women , to surprize us , spread their borrowed flags , of white and red. display 'em thicker on their cheeks , than their old grand-mothers , the picts : and raise more devils with their looks , than conjurers less subtil books , lay trains of amorous intrigues , in towrs , and curls , and perriwigs . with greater art and cunning rear'd , than philip ny's thanks-giving-beard , prepost'rously t' intice , and gain those to adore 'em they disdain : and onely draw 'em in , to clog with idle names , a catalogue , a lover is , the more he 's brave , t' his mistress , but the more a slave , and whatsoever she commands becomes a favour from her hands ; which he 's oblig'd t' obey , and must , whether it be unjust , or just . then when he is compell'd by her t' adventures , he would else forbear , who , with his honour , can withstand , since force is greater than command ? and when necessity 's obey'd nothing can be unjust or bad : and therefore when the mighty pow'rs of love , your great ally , and yours ; joyn'd forces , not to be withstood by frail enamoured flesh and blood ; all i have done unjust or ill was in obedience to your will : and all the blame that can be due falls to your cruelty and you . nor are those scandals i confest , against my will , and interest , more than is daily done of course by all men , when th' are under force . whence some , upon the rack , confess what th' hang-man and their prompters please . but are no sooner out of pain then they deny it all again . but when the devil turns confessor , truth is a crime , he takes no pleasure to hear , or pardon , like the founder of lyars , whom they all claim under . and therefore , when i told him none , i think it was the wiser done . nor am i without precedent , the first that on th' adventure , went : all mankind ever did of course , and daily does the same , or worse . for what romance can shew a lover , that had a lady to recover , and did not steer a nearer course , to fall aboard in his amours ? and wha● at first was held a crime , has turn'● to honourable in time . to what a height did infant rome , by ravishing of women come ? when men upon their spouses seiz'd , and freely marry'd where they pleas'd : they ne'r forswore themselves nor ly'd , nor in the minds they were in , dy'd nor took the pains t' address and sue , nor plaid the masquerade to wooe . disdain'd to stay for friends consents nor juggled about settlements : did need no license , nor no priest , nor friends , nor kindred to assist ; nor lawyers , to joyn land and money , in th' holy state of matrimony : before they setled hands and hearts , till alimony , or death departs : nor would endure to stay , until th' had got the very bride's good will but took a wise and shorter course , to win the lady's , down-right force . and justly made 'em prisoners then , as they have often since , us men ; with acting plays , and dancing jiggs , the luckiest of all love's intrigues : and when they had them at their pleasure , then talkt of love , and flames , at leisure for , after matrimony's over , he that holds out but half a lover , deserves for ev'ry minute , more than half a year of love before : for which the dames , in contemplation of that best way of application , prov'd nobler wives than e'er were known , by suit , or treaty , to be won : and such as all posterity could never equal , nor come nigh . for women first were made for men , not men for them . — it follows then , that men have right to every one , and they no f●eedom of their own : and therefore men have pow'r to chuse , but they no charter to refuse . hence 't is apparent , that what course so e'er we take to your amours , though by the indirectest way , 't is no injustice , nor foul play. and that you ought to take that course , as we take you , for bett'r or worse ; and gratefully submit to those who you , before another chose : for why should every savage beast exceed his great lord's interest ? have freer pow'r , than he , in grace , and nature , o'er the creature has ? because the laws he since has made have cut off all the pow'r he had ; retrench'd the absolute dominion , that nature gave him , over women . when all his pow'r will not extend ▪ one law of nature to suspend : and but to offer to repeal the smallest clause , is to rebell . this , if men rightly understood their privilege , they would make good ; and not , like sots , permit their wives t' encroach on their prerogatives . for which sin , they deserve to be kept , as they are , in slavery . and this , some precious gifted teachers unrev'rently reputed leachers ; and disobey'd in making love , have vow'd to all the world , to prove and make y●●●ffer , as ye ought , for that uncharitable fault . but , i forget my self , and rove beyond th' instructions of my love. forgive me ( fair ) and only blame th' extravagancy of my flame , since 't is too much , at once to shew excess of love , and temper too . all i have said that 's bad , and true , was never meant to aim at you ; who have so sov'rain a controul o'er that poor slave of yours , my soul : that , rather than to forfeit you , has ventur'd loss of heaven too . both with an equal pow'r possest , to render all that serve you blest : but none like him , who 's destin'd , either to have , or lose you , both together . and if you 'l but this fault release , ( for so it must be , since you please , ) i 'll pay down all that vow , and more , which you commanded , and i swore , and expiate upon my skin , the arrears in full of all my sin. for , 't is but just , that i should pay th' accruing penance for delay . which shall be done , until it move your equal pity , and your love. the knight , perusing this epistle , believ'd h 'had brought her to his whistle ; and read it , like a jocund lover , with great applause t' himself , twice over ; subscrib'd his name , but at a fit , and humble distance , to his wit ; and dated it with wondrous art , giv'n from the bottom of his heart : then seal'd it with his coat of love a smoaking faggot — and above upon a scroll — i burn , and weep , and near it — for her ladyship ; of all her sex , most excellent , these to her gentle hands present . then gave it to his faithful squire , with lessons how t' observe and eye her . she first consider'd which was better , to send it back , or burn the letter : but , guessing that it might import , though nothing else , at least , her sport. she open'd it , and read it out , with many a smile , and learing flout : resolv'd to answer it in kind , and thus perform'd what she design'd . the lady's answer to the knight . that you 'r a beast , and turn'd to grass , is no strange news , nor ever was ; at least , to me , who once , you know , did from the pound , replevin you . when both your sword , and spurs , were won in combat , by an amazon ; that sword , that did ( like fate ) determine th' inevitable death of vermine : and never dealt its furious blows , but cut the threds of pigs and cows ; by trulla was in single fight , disarm'● and wrested from its knight . your heels degraded of your spurs , and in the stocks , close prisoners , where still th' had layn in base restraint , if i , in pity of your complaint , had not on honourable conditions , releast'em from the worst of prisons ; and what return that favour met , you cannot ( though you would ) forget ; when , being free , you strove t' evade the oaths you had in prison made : forswore your self , and first deny'd it ; but after own'd , and justify'd it ; and when y 'had falsely broke one vow , absolv'd your self by breaking two . for while you sneakingly submit , and beg for pardon at our feet : discourag'd by your guilty fears , to hope for quarter for your ears . and doubting 't was in vain to sue , you claim us boldly as your due . declare that treachery and force to deal with us is th' only course . who have no title nor pretence , to body , soul , or conscience : but ought to fall to that man's share , that claims us for his proper ware. these are the motives , which t' induce , or fright us into love , you use , a pretty new way of gallanting , between solliciting and ranting ; like sturdy beggars , that intreat for charity at once , and threat . but since you undertake to prove your own propriety in love , as if we were but lawful prize in war , between two enemies ; or forfeitures , which ev'ry lover that would but sue for , might recover . it is not hard to understand the my●●'ry of his bold demand : that cannot at our persons aim , but something capable of claim . 't is not those paultry counterfeit french stones , which in our eyes you set : but our right diamonds , that inspire , and set your amorous heart on fire . nor can those false st. martins beads , which on our lips you laid for reds ; and make us wear , like indian dames , add fewel to your scorching flames . but those true rubies of the rock , which in our cabinets we lock . 't is not those orient pearls , our teeth , that you are so transported with : but those we wear about our necks , produce those amorous effects , nor is 't those threads of gold , our hair , the perewigs you make us wear : but those bright guinneys in our chests , that light the wild-fire in your breasts . these love-tricks i 've been vers'd in so , that all their sly intrigues i know . and can unriddle , by their tones , the mystick cabals , and jargones . can tell what passions , by their sounds , pine for the beauties of my grounds : what raptures fond , and amorous o' th' charms and graces of my house . what exstacy , and scorching flame burns for my mony , in my name . what from th' unnatural desire to beasts and cattel , take its fire . what tender sigh , and trickling tear , longs for a thousand pound a year . and languishing transports are fond of statute , mortgage , bill and bond. these are th' attracts which most men fall inamour'd , at first sight , withal . to these th' address with serenades , and cou●t with ●alls and masquerades ; and yet , for all the yearning pain y'have suffer'd for their loves , in vain : i fear they 'l prove so nice and coy , to have and t' hold , and to enjoy ; that all your oaths , and labour lost , they 'l ne'er turn ladies of the post . this is not meant to disapprove your judgment in your choice of love ; which is so wise , the greatest part of mankind study 't as an art. for love should , like a deodand , still fall to th' owner of the land : and where there 's substance for its ground cannot but be more firm , and sound , than that which has the slighten basis of airy vertue , wit and graces : which is of such thin subtilty , it steals and creeps in at the eye . and , as it can't endure to sta● steals out again as nice a way but love , that its extraction owns from soild gold , and precious stones ; must , like its shining parents prove as solid , and as glorious love. hence 't is , you have no way t' express our charms and graces , but by these : for , what are lips , and eyes and teeth , which beauty invades , and conquers with ? but rubies , pearls and diamonds ; with which a philter love commands ? this is the way all parents prove , in imagining their children's love ; that force 'em t' inter-marry and wed , as if th' were bur'ing of the dead . cast earth to earth , as in the grave , to joyn in wedlock all they have . and when the settlement's in force , take all the rest , for better , or worse ; for mony has a power above the stars and fate , to manage love : whose arrows , learned poets hold , that never miss , are tipp'd with gold. and tho some say , the parents claims to make love in their children's names . who , many times , at once , provide the nurse , the husband , and the bride . feel darts and charms , attracts and flames ; and woo , and contract , in their names . and as they christen , use to marry 'em , and , like their gossips , answer for 'em : is not to give in matrimony ; but sell and prostitute for mony. 't is better than their own betrothing ; who often do 't for worse than nothing . and when th' are at their own dispose , with greater disadvantage chuse . all this is right ! but for the course you take to do 't , by fraud or force : 't is so ridiculous , as soon as told , 't is never to be done no more than setters can betray , that tell what tricks they are to play . marriage , at best , is but a vow ; which all men either break , or bow : then what will those forbear to do , who perjure , when they do but woo ? such as , beforehand , swear and lye , for earnest to their treachery : and , rather than a crime confess , with greater , strive to make it less . like thieves , who , after sentence past , maintain their innocence to the last . and when their crimes were made appear as plain as witnesses can swear . yet , when the wretches come to dye , will take upon their deaths a lye. nor are the vertues , you confest t' your ghostly father , as you guest , so slight , as to be justify'd , by being , as shamefully , deny'd . as if you thought your word would pass point-blank , on both sides , of a case , or credit were not to be lost , b' a brave knight errant of the post . that eats , perfidiously , his word , and swears his ears through a two inch board : can own the same thing , and disown ; and perjure booty , pro and con. can make the gospel serve his turn , and help him out to be forsworn ; when 't is laid hands upon , and kiss'd , to be betray'd , and sold , like christ . these are the vertues , in whose name a right to all the world you claim : and boldly challenge a dominion , in grace and nature , o'er all women . of whom , no less will satisfie , than all the sex , your tyranny . although you 'l find it a hard province , with all your crafty frauds and covins , to govern such a numerous crew , who , one by one , now govern you : for if you all were solomons , and vvise and great as he was once , you 'll find th' are able to subdue , ( as they did him ) and baffle you . and if you are impos'd upon , 't is by your own temptation done : that with your ignorance invite , and teach us how to use the slight . for , when we find y' are still more taken with false attracts of our own making ; swear that 's a rose , and that a stone , like sots to us that laid in on : and what we did but slightly prime , most ignorantly daub in rhime : you force us in our own defences , to copy beams and influences ; to lay perfections on the graces , and dr●w attracts upon our faces : and , in compliance to your wit , your own false jewels counterfeit . for , by the practice of those arts , we gain a greater share of hearts : and those deserve in reason most , that greatest pains and study cost ; for , great perfections are like heav'n , too rich a present to be given . nor are those master-strokes of beauty to be perform'd without hard duty : which , when th' are nobly done , and well , the simple natural excel . how fair and sweet the planted rose , beyond the wild in hedges grows ? for , without art , the noblest seeds of flow'rs degenerate to weeds : how dull and rugged e'er 't is ground ? and polish'd , looks a diamond ? though paradise was e'er so fair , it was not kept so without care. the whole world , without art and dress , would be but one great wilderness . and mankind but a savage herd , for all that nature has conferr'd . this does but rough-hew , and design , leave art to polish , and refine , though women first were made for men , yet men were made for them agen : for when ( out - witted by his wife ) man first turn'd tenant , but , for life . if women had not interven'd , how soon had mankind had an end ? and that it is in being yet , to us alone , you are in debt , then where 's your liberty of choice , and our unnatural no-voice ? since all the privilege you boast , and falsly usurp'd , or vainly lost , is now our right ; to whose creation , you owe your happy restoration . and if we had not weighty cause to not appear in making laws , we could , in spight of all your tricks , and shallow , formal politicks ; force you , our managements t' obey , as we to yours ( in shew ) give way . hence 't is , that while you vainly strive t' advance your high prerogative , you basely , after all your braves , submit , and own yourselves our slaves . and ' cause we do not make it known nor publickly our int'rests own ; like sots , suppose we have no shares in ord'ring you , and your affairs : when all your empire and command you have from us at second hand , as if a pilot , that appears to sit still only , while he steers : and does not make a noise and stir . like every common mariner knew nothing of the card nor star ; and did not guide the man of war. nor we , because we don't appear in councels , do not govern there . while like the mighty prester john , whose person none dares look upon ; but is preserv'd in close disguise from being made cheap to vulgar eyes w' enjoy as large a pow'r unseen , to govern him , as he does men : and , in the right of our pope joan , make emp'rors at our feet fall down . or joan the pucel's braver name , our right to arms and conduct claim who , though a spinster , yet was able , to serve france for a grand constable . we make and execute all laws ; can judge the judges , and the cause . prescribe all rules of right or vvrong , to th' long robe , and the longer tongue ; ' gainst which the world has no defence , but our more pow'rful eloquence . we manage things of greatest weight in all the world's affairs of state. are ministers of war and peace , that sway all nations how they please . we rule all churches , and their flocks , heretical , and orthodox . and are the heavenly vehicles o' th' spirit , in all conventicles . by us is all commerce and trade improv'd , and manag'd , and decay'd . for , nothing can go off so well , nor bears that price , as what we sell . we rule in ev'ry publick meeting , and make men do what we judge fitting . are magistrates in all great towns ; where men do nothing but wear gowns . we make the man of war strike s●il , and to our braver conduct vail ▪ and , when h' has chac'd his enemies , submit to us upon his knees . is there an officer of state , vntimely rais'd ; or magistrate , that 's haughty , and imperious ? he 's but a journey-man to us . that , as he gives us cause to do 't , can keep him in , or turn him out . we are your guardians , that increase , or waste your fortunes , how we please , and , as you humour us , can deal in all your matters ill or well . 't is we that can dispose alone , whether your heirs shall be your own . to whose integrity you must , in spight of all your caution , trust , and ' less you fly beyond the seas , can fit you which what heirs we please : and force you● ' own 'em , though begotten by fre●ch valets , or irish foot-men . nor can the rigorousest course prevail , unless to make us worse . who , still the harsher we are us'd , are further off from being reduc'd : and scorn t' abate , for any ills , the least punctilio of our vvills . force does but whet our wits to apply arts , born with us , for remedy : which all your politicks , as yet , have ne'er been able to defeat . for , when y' have try'd all sorts of ways , what fools d'we make of you in plays ? vvhile all the favours we afford , are but to girt you with the sword , to fight our battels in our steads , and have your brains beat out o' your heads : encounter in despight of nature ; and fight at once with fire and water , with pyrates , rocks , and storms and seas , our pride and vanity t' appease . kill one another , and cut throats , for our good graces , and best thoughts ; to do your exercise for honour , and have your brains beat out the sooner ; or crack'd , as learnedly , upon things that are never to be known : and still appear the more industrious , the more your projects are prepost'rous . to square the circle of the arts ; and run stark mad to shew your parts , expound the oracle of laws , and turn them which way we see cause . be our sollicitors , and agents , and stand for us in all engagements . and these are all the mighty powers , you vainly boast , to cry down ours . and what in real value's wanting , supply with vapouring and ranting : because your selves are terrify'd , and stoop to one another's pride : believe we have as little wit to be out-hector'd , and submit : by your example , lose that right in treaties , which we gain'd in fight : and terrify'd into an awe , pass on our selves a salick law , or , as some nations use , give place , and truckle to your mighty race . let men usurp th' unjust dominion , as if they were the better women . finis . a proposall humbly offered for the farming of liberty of conscience butler, samuel, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing b estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a proposall humbly offered for the farming of liberty of conscience butler, samuel, - . b. g. [ ], p. [s.n.], [london?] printed : . signed at end: b.g. attributed to butler by wing and nuc pre- imprints. reproduction of original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within 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be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng liberty of conscience -- anecdotes - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (michigan) sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a proposall humbly offered , for the farming of liberty of conscience . printed in the year , . a proposall humbly offered for the farming of liberty of conscience . since nothing can be dearer unto poor christians , then liberty , for the free exercise of their iudgments and conscience , which hath kindled that fire in the bowels of the three kingdoms which all the pretious blood that hath been shed , during these late troubles , hath not been able totally to extinguish : and since many of us , whose names are affixed , were so profitably instrumental in these late combustions , as appears all along in our sermons before the honorable house of parliament , in the years , , , , , . in exciting the good people of this nation , to seek and maintain their christian liberty , against all prelatical and antichristian imposition whatsoever . and considering , that the little finger of apostacie , from our first love , would be a greater burden upon our tender consciences then the loyns of episcopacy , we being more bound in honour then conscience , cannot totally desist ; neither need any man fear , or so much as suspect , lest any inconvenience , or alteration should happen in religion by the great diversity of opinions , tongues and languages , tolerated amongst us , unless in the great babel of episcopacy that may possibly be pull'd down and destroyed by this our notable confusion : for if the gospel was wonderfully disseminated and spread abroad by every mans speaking in his own language , and the very enemies thereof astonished and miraculously wrought into a belief of it ; how is it likely to be now obstructed , in the free exercise of our spiritual gifts with these our cloven and divided tongues ? and since many worthy persons ( from whom we might little expect it , but far lesse deserve it ) out of their goodnesse and clemency , are pleased to incline to some libertie , did not some persons , aliens and strangers to the commonwealth of israel take up a reproach against us , as persons reprobated into an impossibility of submission ●o principles of concord , peace , and order in church or state , never being able hitherto to come to any consistency amongst our selves the ark of god having for twenty years together been exposed to high-wayes streets and worse places , for want of an agreement amongst our own brethren , where to rest it , or how to entertain it . if this be our case , and could we be sure of so much favour as saul once desired of samuel , that the bishops would but honour us before the people , we would in a private christian way lay our hands upon our hearts , and acknowledg the hand of god and the iustice thereof , in turning us out of his uineyard as wicked and unprofitable servants , and to suffer the iniquity of our heels to overtake us , crying out with reverend mr. calamy , the ark of god is iustly departed from us : but being not yet thus assured , do hope the people will yet believe these to be only bears skins lappt about us by episcopal hands : and therefore , to the end that a consistencie and onenesse of iudgment of the whole separating brethren , and their moderation may be known unto all men , and that the world may know , there is a spirit of rule and government resting in us , it is humbly proposed , that the sole power of granting licenses and indulgences for liberty of conscience within the kingdome of england , dominion of wales , and town of barwick , may be vested in the persons under-named , for the term of seven years , under the farm rent of an hundred thousand pound per annum , to commence from the th day of march next , under such rates and qualifications as are hereafter specified . the names of the grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience ; proposed on munday , march . . mr. edmond calamy mr. tilham , late of colchester mr. philip nye mr. feake . mr. stanley gower of dorchester . george fox , executor of the last will and testament of iames nailor deceased . doctor lazarus seaman mr. dell , late of cambridge . doctor owen mr. bryan , late of coventry . mr. matthew mead mr. iohn coppin doctor manton mr. kiffen mr. william ienkins mr. fisher , late of kent . doctor thomas goodwin mr. hammond , late of newcastle . mr. peter sterry mr. bridges , late of yarmouth . mr. ioseph carryll mr. tombes , late of lemster . mr. leigh , late of lumbard-street . the executor of mr. venner lately executed . mr. thomas case mr. reynor , late of lincoln . mr. raph venning mr. rogers mr. benn , late of dorchester . mr. george griffith , late of charterhouse . the executor of hugh peters lately executed . mr. george newton , late of taunton . mr. dan dyke , late of hertford-shire . mr. may● , late of kingston . mr. ioshua sprigg . mr. henry iessey . mr. newcomen of dedham in essex . doctor tuckney of cambridge . doctor cornelius burges . mr. zachary crofton doctor holmes . mr. iohn cann mr. thomas brooks . that the persons aforesaid , may be constituted grand commissioners , and farmers of liberty of conscience within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , and town of berwick , and may be impowred to set up one publique office within the city of london , and to nominate and elect a convenient number of registers , clerk , and other officers : and for the more certainty of all certificates to be granted as is hereafter appointed , the said grand commissioners and farmers may form a common seal to be kn●wn , and called by the name of the publique seal of the grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience engraven . an ass without ears , braying , with this motto incircled stat pro ratione libertas : and the said grand commissioners and farmers or any of them in the said office assembled , may from time to time compound and agree for liberty of conscience , with any person or persons , under such rates and qualifications , as are hereafter specified . that the said grand commissioners and farmers , or any of them , may constitute and appoint , under the publique seal of the office , sub-commissioners , and other officers , for every countie within the said kingdom , not exceeding the number of . for each county , whereof to be a quorum , who may compound and agree for liberty of conscience , with any person or persons , select congregations , ca●ed , towns corporate , parishes hamlets , and uillages , by the great , or otherwise , within their respective countries , not exceeding the rates hereafter mentioned . rates to be observed in all compositions for liberty of conscience .   per annum . a presbyterian minister a ruling elder a deacon a heater male or female in fellowship to all ordinances a common hearer only an independant pastor a preaching elder a helper in government a deacon a hearer male or female in fellowship to all ordinances a common hearer only a baptist admitted to the administration of all ordinances a preaching assistant an elder in office a ●eacon a hearer in fellowship male or female to all ordinances a common hearer only a fifth monarcher admitted to hold forth an elder under the same administration a deacon under the same administration a hearer male or female in fellowship according to the value of his or her estate s. per l. per annum       a common hearer male or female according to the value of his or her estate d. per l. per annum .       a speaking male quaker a speaking female quaker a common quaker male or female a confessor a seminary or mass-priest at large a private mass-priest a roman catholick in any other order a roman catholick not in order male or female an officer under any administration not mentioned in the rates aforesaid being a native of england , such only excepted as stand conformable to the church of england a common person under any administration not mentioned in the rates aforesaid being a native of england , such only excepted as stand conformable to the church of england an officer under any administration whatsoever not a native of england , except conformable to the church of england a private person under any administration whatsoever not a native of england , except conformable to the church of england rates to be observed in compounding for liberty of conscience in the particulars following , viz. for liberty to assert the popes supremacy for liberty to write , speak , or preach against the government as they shall be inwardly moved for liberty to keep on their hats before magistrates , or in courts of judicature for liberty to rail publickly against the bishops and common prayer for liberty to refuse all manner of oaths , of allegiance and supremacy , or in cases civil or criminal for liberty to deny tythes and other church duties for liberty to expound the revelations and the book of daniel for liberty to disturb any congregation after sermon for liberty to assert the solemn league and covenant for liberty to instruct youth in the short catechism set forth by the assembly of divines that any person or persons gifted for any the particulars abovesaid , may have liberty therein either as an itinerate , in private or publique , at the rates abovesaid . that no person or persons , be admitted to compound for liberty of conscience , until he or they have first taken and subscribed , the solemn protestation following , before the said grand commissioners and farmers , or their sub-commissioners respectively . i a. b. do here solemnly protest , that i judg my self still bound by the solemn league and covenant , by the engagement , by private church-covenant , or by any other oath which i have taken ever since the year . and that so far as with safety to my person and estate i may , i will endeavour the utter extirpation of episcopacy , and to the utmost of my power , will abet and promote all schism , faction , and discord , both in church and state , according to the best form and manner , prescribed and laid open in the sermons of many of the grand-commissioners and farmers , before the parliament , appointed to be printed , and now called the homilies of the separated churches . and that i will never by what conviction or authority soever , whether legall or episcopall , ever consent to the establisht doctrine and discipline of the church of england . and i do likewise believe , that liberty of conscience was a mysterious , yet profitable talent committed to the churches , and that it may be lawfully farmed out for advantage and improvement . that no person within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , or town of barwick , may , from , and after the day of march next , use or exercise any manner of liberty of conscience , except persons standing conformable to the church of england , untill such person or persons shall first take the solemn protestation , and shall compound with the said grand commissioners and farmers for liberty of conscience , nor shall he be admitted or permitted to be a speaker or hearer , in any meeting or assemblies whatsoever . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to constitute under the publique seal of the said office , a convenient number of spiritual gagers , who may have and exercise all such powers , priviledges , & authorities , as the gagers for excize of beer and ale , have , or ought to have and enjoy , and may at any time , in case of suspition , enter into any house or place , publike or private , to gage and try the spirits and affections of any person or persons ; and by praying , preaching , or other good exhortation , disswade from episcopacie , and the common-prayer , the better to fit and prepare them to compound for liberty of conscience . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to fine any person or persons ( not exceeding the sum of l for every offence , who shall , after composition for liberty of conscience , and subscribing the solemn protestation , be present in any church or chappel , within the kingdom of england , dominion of wales , and town of berwick , in the time of any part of divine service , unless at the funeral of his father , or some other like occasion : or , if being present at any such occasion , he shall either respond , be uncovered , or carry himself reverently , in the time of divine service aforesaid . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , or any of them assembled at the office aforesaid , may have and exercise a iurisdiction of appeal in all matters relating to liberty of conscience , within the said kingdom of england , and shall have a conclusive power in all matters brought before them , by way of appeal as aforesaid . that for the better management of all such matters as shall be brought judicially before the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , by way of appeal , the said grand commissioners and farmers shall have power to constitute and appoint mr. oliver st. johns , and such others , as they judge fit for their said service , to be of standing-councel with the said grand commissioners and farmers : and the said mr. oliver st. johns , being so constituted and appointed under the publick seal of the said office , shall , and may be exempted and discharged from being in any publike office , or place of trust or profit , for the said term of years , any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that if any person or persons shall happen to be proceeded against in any of the ecclesiastical courts of the bishops of this kingdome for contumacy , for non-conformity , for non-payment of tythes , and other church-duties , for publick rayling against the bishops , the common-prayer , or the government of the church of england , or shall speak oprobriously or scandalously against the doctrine or discipline thereof , as antichristian , or shall maintain any positions or doctrines contrary thereunto : every such person producing a certificate from the said grand commissioners and farmers under the publike seal of the said office , that such person or persons are under composition for liberty of conscience , shall actually be discharged , and all further proceedings stayed ; any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that if any persons shall happen to be indicted or criminally proceeded against in any of his majesties courts at westminster , or elsewhere within the kingdom of england , either for treasonable speeches or practises , for publike raysing at the government , or for scandalous words against either or both houses of parliament , or for transgressing any of the penal laws and statutes of this kingdom ; every such person or persons producing a certificate from the said grand commissioners and farmers under the publike seal of the said office , that such person or persons are under composition for liberty of conscience ; and that such words or practises were not spoken or acted malitiose , but were only the natural and proper effects and product of liberty of conscience , shall be discharged , and all further proceedings stayed , any thing to the contrary notwithstanding . that the said grand commissioners and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power from time to time to ordain pastors , elders , and deacons , or any other officers under any administration whatsoever , by the laying on of the publique seal of the office : which said imposition of the said publique seal being received with a certificate ; shall be as lawful an ordination , as if every such person had received imposition from the hands of the presbytery , any late usage or custome to the contrary notwithstanding . that the said grand commissioners and farmers may have power from time to time , to set apart dayes for publique fastings , and humiliation and thanksgiving ; on which dayes it may be lawful for any person or persons appointed to officiate before the said grand commissioners and farmers , to stir up the people to a holy indignation against themselves , for having by their want of zeal and brotherly kindnesse one towards another , lost many pretious enjoyments ; and above all , the never to be forgotten losse of the late power and dominion , which with the expence of so much blood and rapine , was put into the hands of the saints . and to take up for a lamentation and great thoughts of heart , the divisions of ruben , that having our sacks full , such an evill spirit should be found in the midst of us , as to fall out by the way ; might it have beén with those that abode by the stuff , as with those that went out to the battel , it had not beén with us as at this day . some starting aside , like a broken bow , in the year ; others continuing to bear the burthen and heat of the day untill , being harness'd , did then turn their backs in the day of battel . that the twentieth day of april next , commonly called easter-monday , be kept as a day of solemn fasting and humiliation , for a blessing upon these gospel — undertakings , and that mr. edmond calamy , mr. peter sterry , doctor lazarus seaman , and mr. feake , be desired to carry on the work of the day in prayer and preaching , before the said grand farmers , and that the particulars following , be recommended to their consideration in the work of the day . . to bewail , . all our court sins . . our bishops sins . . our monk sins . . our common-prayer sins . . to divert , . westminster-hall iudgments . . our old-bayly iudgments . . our tower-hill iudgments . . our charing-cross iudgments . . our tyburn iudgments . lastly , for deliverance from the hand of dun , that uncercumcised philistine . that the said grand commissioners , and farmers of liberty of conscience , may have power to build churches and chappels in any place or places , except upon such ground only where churches or chappels do already stand , in regard of the inconvenience of setting up altar against altar ; and forasmuch as the custom of reading some part of the holy bible before sermon , commonly called first and second lessons , hath been found fruitless , that therefore the said grand commissioners & farmers may have power to appoint instead thereof , the annual reading of those sermons preached by many of the said grand commissioners and farmers , before the parliament , upon special occasions of thanksgiving and humiliation , from the year , to the year : which said sermons may be called , the homilies of the separating churches . that the said grand commissioners and farmers may have power to require mr. gilbert millington , and mr. luke robinson , the lame evangelist , to deliver up all such articles , orders , books , papers , and other writings , as were transacted before the late committee for plundered ministers ; and likewise , all such as were passed and transacted before mr. philip ney , and some others of the now grand commissioners and farmers , and heretofore called commissioners or spiritual tryers , to the end , the said articles , orders , books , and other papers may be printed and published , and may be kept at the said office upon record for ever , and appointed to be the book of canons of the separated churches . all this being done , we may upon scripture grounds expect , that the door of hope may yet be open to us , and our children after us , to see the travell of our souls , and to lett us into the promised land , and to reap some of those clusters of the grapes of canaan , which with so much labour and toyl of body and mind were planted , especially in the years of , , , , . by many of us , and other precious saints and ministers of the gospel , who are since fallen asleép , and have , we hope , reaped the fruits of those labours , the lord having in that day put a mighty spirit into us , & set us as watchmen upon the towers of israel , to cry mightily , curse ye meroze , curse ye bitterly ; the lord grant , that those heart-breaking labours of ours , those king-destroying labours , these kingdom-ruining labours , those gospel-scandalizing labours , those church-subverting labours , those soul-confounding labors of ours , may never be forgotten , but may be written as with the point of a diamond , upon the heart of the king , upon the hearts of the bishops , upon the heart of the parliament , and upon the hearts of all the people from dan to beersheba , that so in gods good time we may receive our reward seven fold-into our own bosomes ; and that the genera●ions to come may hear and fear , and do no more so wickedly . so prayes , b. g.