Hudibras the second part. Butler, Samuel, 1612-1680. 1663 Approx. 97 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 52 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2006-02 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A30756 Wing B6306 ESTC R5445 12085923 ocm 12085923 53748 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A30756) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 53748) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 57:10) Hudibras the second part. Butler, Samuel, 1612-1680. [2], 100 p. [s.n.], London : 1663. In verse. A spurious continuation of Butler's Hudibras, published before he brought out his second part. Written by Samuel Butler. Cf. BM. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2005-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2005-09 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-11 John Latta Sampled and proofread 2005-11 John Latta Text and markup reviewed and edited 2006-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Hudibras . THE Second Part. LONDON , Printed in the Year , 1663. The first Canto . Argument . We sing no further o th' disputes 'Twixt Knight , and Squire , nor their confutes ; Nor how by Puissant trick , or Chance , From Chanted Castle they advance ; Since skill'd Magicians know as well How to undo , as make the spell : Nor yet of Talgol , Bruin , Orson , Whom Writers say was but a Whorson : But Hudibras more strange Adventures , That hitherto have hung on Tenters . The May-pole . IT happened at the time when Oysters 'Gan loose their Operative moystures , When Sol with heat did fill his Car , And that the Month did want an R ; Which was before , or June , or July , When Countrey Placquets grow unruly : For , as the Wise say , in August If One won't do 't , another must . When Cherries hardly ripen'd , Nod , And Children for 'em venture Rod ; When Mother Nature doth disperse Her help to Man , ( that Universe ) When fresh blood empty veins supply , Which suffer'd by Phlebotomy ; That he who can the Hill get o're , In hope to live is , scarce before , When Midwife Flora's newly seen In Meadows gay , and Gardens green , The Pink , the Primrose , Tulip-flowre , ( Off-springs of a quondam showre , ) With Lily , Violet and Dazy , The Merry-milk pales deck , which praise I , When Barnes are freed from Mice and Rats , By Madam Owle , better then Cats ; When with a Garland to be Crown'd , The sweaty hoofs do tare the ground ; And Fidilero and Pipero In every Village peep , and peere ho ! When Mortals feed on Sage and Butter , Drink Whey by quarts to make 'em squtt — And for the Ladies of the season , Prepared are green Cheese and Peason , With Macquerels brought up in Shoals , Colon to fill of hungry soules ; And Silla-bub , with lip-lov'd Tanzy For Roger , is prepar'd by Nancy . When , as in Landskips we discover In every shade , a lolling Lover , With head on lap , of female wight , Hand underneath her garment white , And she turns up her womanhood , Whil'st Pego forrages for food ; And Surgeons put up in sheath Cleans'd syringes for fall of leaf : At the same time I must not vary , Jack met with Gill , and Mat with Mary ; Which was soon after , ( as 't is said ) Mars had laid by his Tool , and Trade , And All was ready to bring in The Maid with dimpled Cheeks , and Chin : When that the people might be free T' enjoy their ( Juggl'd ) liberty , As then the Bells at Westminster Did clapper-claw the Countreys ear ; And ev'ry creeping thing on earth From Cricket did incline to mirth ; Nay , th' grand Hectorian-Olivero Left Ranting , and fell to Primero , A Game , he had long study'd , but As some do say , was hard put to 't , For others knew 't as well as he , And stickl'd for the Mastery , All Hectors of his only breeding , For they could pray , and lie exceeding , And such as now remain , do claim From those the vigour of that Name : And follow all their wayes of Plunder , Only to hear , they pray , is wonder ; But for their lying are expert , And swearing they have got by heart ; There let it lie , like fatal dagger In peaceful sheath , until they swagger . And now to what we were about , Which all this while we have left out . A jolly crew of Lads well fitted , And Buxome Lasses , Mother witty'd , Met on a day , no matter what , In the same month it was , that 's flat ; And that it might not loose its Name , They all prepared were for Game ; Which though the learned could not scan To be th' Isthmean , or Nemean , Yet it a title had , and good , For , Hocktide , may be understood ; And doth as clear construction carry As Bess take Tom , and Joan take Harry ; Or Tom take Bess , and Harry Jone Leap over sword , and it is done ; So the Inducted Market place Clapt up at once , two Babes of Grace Which never Issue had , but what The Peaceful — Justice — Parson got , For they all Functions did supply , And into every hole could pry , Had an Instinctive Art to Strole If that the she-heast were with fole , Were the States Midwives , and could strain , More then could Doctor Chamberlain ; Though he could dip , and pray , and preach , And fiery-pated Squibb did teach , Until he grew as quaint as he In their Occult Idolatry . And 't may be now and then could bite The Buttock of a Prosolite . But what was this ? a Game at Whist , Unto our Plowden-Canonist , Bewitcht into a power , by some That ner'e lov'd Kent nor Christendome , And hating all things Orthodox Did send Religion to the Stocks . In Church refus'd to take the pains , But in the streets would ask the Banes , And Ceremonies , long allow'd , Laid by , when they grew Pint — proud , That Master Justice was declar'd The Viccar to Dog and Bitch-yard , Which brought in Tythes as fast as Hops , Cerberus must be fed with Sops ; And as the Ancients have defin'd , So these were duly paid , in kind . Without a Suit in the Exchequer , Complaining they to Noll were Debtor . They took a surer course and way , Peter knew how to make 'em pay , And thus these holy men of Orders Did ferk the fry of Sodome Borders : Though Tom want Tool , and Nell a Nose , Yet reconcil'd are in the Close . There let 'em stink , to sweeten ( then ) My lines , pray whistle to my Pen ; To minde me of the former matter , Though not Incongruent to the latter . Then first to shew you what they were That met , observe each Character , For , it is requisite we strow The way with flowers as they go : Bushero height the Twisters led , To whom he was both Cap , and Head , For Neatness he was held the best , Good reason , he could Trim the rest . And in his Calling was so rare , He fitted 'em unto a hair ; And er'e they for their Progress met Had given his Shirt the Somerset ; ( A Tumbling word , and used much By Men , Professors to be such : ) In all things he was Cap à pe , Only his hose was out at knee , And doublet-elbow wanted clout , But there , you know , love will break out , And therefore time is vainly spent To patch up what must needs be rent : If any ding'd him on the lip , With that , quoth he , you may go snip : Of person he was something squat , With Ribbons Hat-ban-neding-Hat , He had some judgement in the Gyttern , And Master was of Kitt and Cyttern , Which Cythera sung to first , When she her God-babe Cupid nurst . To follow him did Shanco roame From ladies service newly come ; As finical for life as he , If that Comparisons may be ! Was drest with Muffe and Pantaloon , And in Pocketto silver Spoon , Which slept secure , till Cream and Cake Did waken it , for Masters sake : He was of person pleasing Tall , As streight as Wand , but slimm withall ; He walk'd as though he trod on Eggs ; And Cat-sticks were suppos'd his Legs : His body burthen'd was with points , Which ty'd together all his Joynts ; His eyes and legs kept time together , They danc'd , and mov'd you 'd wonder whither . Such as ner'e understood the firk Took him for piece of dutch Clockwork ; He was the least beholding to The flesh , of any man you know . Though he to it was mainly given , With him it ner'e made Reck'ning even ; Perhaps it may by some be thought He had as good return'd , as brought : But in that Sense there 's Nicity , Which in this must avoided be , Only it is confest he was His Ladies Limbeck ; his own Ass . In breech of him , Butlero came , With Coquo , eager for the Game . Butlero did in Napkin neat Bring salt , and bread , and Coquo meat : The one Comptroller was o th' Bin , The other of the good Kitchin ; The only Over-ruling Pair That had to do below the stair : The one the merry Bottles brought , T'other with Limbs of Capons fraught . Which newly had ( without denial ) On Gridiron past the fiery Tryal , The Parties equal-parted were , Each did of eithers office share So Lawyers ner'e fall out for fee Among themselves , ka me , ka thee . Butlero may be thought of Kin To him that plaid o th' Vyolin , And famous was for Clownery , Which City-wits call Drollery : He could Arthur of Bradley do , The Countrey-man , and Courtier too , And had an insight in the City , Inspir'd by those that then were witty ; From whom the thrifty-Poet steals , To furnish Beardw — for his Meals . Ours plaid to what he could not sing . An Instrument without a string ; But let me not his judgement wrong , The Tool did carry with 't a To●gue ; And by the Hebrews was allow'd , As well as Cymbal , or the Crowd ; And by Amphion playd upon , If ever he did play on One : Now our Butlero in good Sooth Could play on two from hand to mouth . Coquo the Tongs could finger well , And had a Key for what I tell , Th' Invention was no easie Task , It took its birth from the Crand Mask : The Teacher had the happy fate To live in Street call'd Byshopsgate , And pity 't was ( he did so thrive ) He had not left his like alive . Thus they to please their Lasses do Bring hither Meat , and Musick too : These were the Heads , and now advances The Gathers , or th' appurtenances , The first with hand , or tongue could sway The pamper'd d●●●des of Asia , I mean not Tamberlaine's the Great , Nor he that fell out of his Seat , But Masters His , of better blood , That fed not upon others food . Sartoro brisk as body-lowse Forsook his Stall , annext to house , And though he was not worth a Dodkin , Wenches call'd him their Standing Bodkin . Trituratoro good at Flayl . As Orsin erst at Staffe and Tayl , His skill in that did keep him safe , He Could distinguish Corn from Chaffe . Then Molindario furl'd up Sayl , The scornful Wind had turned Tayl , H' was held a Man of judgement strong , Or else his Neighbours did him wrong ; He could into a Mill-stone see , As far ( 't is said ) as any Hee . Lanio , and Tergo neer ally'd , As Calf to Cow , or Skin to Hide , Were next enranck'd ; Pistoro stout As ever Crab-tree threw about , Not far behind ; his legs were small , But sure as Bandy at the Ball , The Ancient Poet Heywood draws From Ancestors of These his Laws Of Dramma , to fill up each Sceane With Souldiers good , to please Plebe'ne , And in those famous Stories told The Grecian Warrs , and Beauchamps bold . At distance some , Thatchero came , Approved Martial to the Game , In one hand Dudgeon-knife he bore , The other Gantlet-Mittin wore , The Hyroglyphick of bad Musick Did follow him , which made me Spue-sick ; Yet the belov'd malicious noyse Attracted had whole scores of Boyes Armed with Clubs and hideous sounds , As when they go to view the bounds Of Parish theirs , Or as I 've known The Pan-cake Prentices come down On Fritter-day , Vice to abollish , And Reverend-Matron-Baud demollish . Then with Majestick pace came on Cartero , like Diego-Don , Whistling forth Rhetorick to the Beast , his , Which drew , of this discourse , the Thesis , In Wagon , Anglice , Dung-Cart , Lay Pole so good , cut out by Art , And ornamented with no less Then Ribbons given by Doll , and Bess , And others of the Fairy-crew , Of Colours red , white , black , and blew , Yellow , cinnamon , and green , Here , and there , Nose-gay between , Likewise many a Wedding Garter , Tickling Lasses into laughter , For the Thing above the knee Seldome's seen , though felt it be : But no more of this , 't is fit That hereafter come not yet . On either side this early Tryumph Attended , Tony , Row - and Ry-Umph - Sowgeldero Ratratchero , Cummultis aliis , sause fear ho ! Th' Lasses , like Dyanae's Troopers , Came i th' Rear with Main and Cruppers : Meg , and Kate , and Doll , and Joan , Buxome Lasses every one ; With Pegs , and Lett. and Luce , and Betty , For her face and foot call'd pretty ; Moll , and Sall , and Nan , and Frank , Wenches free , and fat i th' flank : On Agnes Eve they 'd strictly fast , And dream of those had kist 'em last ; Or on Sr. Quintius watch all Night , With Smock hung up , for Lovers sight : Some of the Lawndry were ( no flashing ) That would not give their heads for washing ; Others o th' Chamber , and the Dairy , All kept their Arms free from the Fairy : Thus they pass through Market-place , And to Town-green hye apace , Highly fum'd for Hooktide Games , Yclip'd Kingston super Thames , Where Sir Hudibras , invited To dinner was , but newly lighted : Quoth he to self , I had before A Stomack good , this stirs it more : Had I best charge 'em before dinner ? No , quoth he , as I 'm a Sinner : Let 'em wait till I do come , Charity begins at home : Serve self first , the Commonweal May stay till I have made my Meal . And so he enters House , while Rout To set up May-pole went about . The Lasses too put helping hand To make the merry business stand . There let 'em rest a while , and now To Hudibras the great kill-Cow , Who having on the Creature fed , And drank far more then he had bled , He in a fury flung from Table , And bid his Man fetch Steed from Stable : Some business of the State , quoth he , Doth retrograde to Manners me : However Friend , and Cosen Narsey , For entertainment God-a-mercy . But er'e I go , a word or two With you Bro. Knight , and eke with you , For pairs of Sirs , there were in sight , That had but little maw to fight ; Of Stomacks good , and had been able To serve King Arthur at his Table . One did Command the Cheshire Forces , And had a face as Round as Horses ; His teeth were grown to the same length , And wanted nothing but in strength To passe for one , Beasts know not theirs , And he was robb'd of his by fears ; His Name did Rumble like to Thun - Der - Guilielmo Knight Sir B — ton . The other was of last Edition , A Justice too upon Petition : He pretty well could understand The Penal Laws at second hand , For he a Clerk had that might pass For an Intelligible Ass . After Sir Hud . discovered had By Whispers Consequences bad . So Brother Knights , they streight Array Themselves , and Horses , and away : Each trusty Twible ties to side , Fury Conducter was and Guide . They Course on with might and main . 'Till they came in sight of Train , Who had newly fixt their Pole , Which vext 'em to their very soul , Round about it some were frisking , Others on the Grass as brisking ; Most in Mirth , set hand to labour , Tongs , and Gridiron , Trump , and Tabor , Cytern , with a Voice as lewd , Rhimes too were but lately stewd In Brain-pan , and set to Tune The Cuckow rants in May and June , For Lovers sake , while thus they sport , Sir Hudibras does call a Court Consisting of three Knights , three Squires , That long before had left their Sires , To seek Adventures , and attended The Sequel now , which is not ended . Quoth Hudibras , what 's best to do ? Six heads is better far then two . The Romans did more glory gain , By living Citizens , then slain , And brave Cyneus with a word Did Conquer more then Perhus Sword. Shall we with smooth Caresses go And soften flinty hearted foe ? Or if then bow , had rather break , Defie 'em , and not poorly sneak ? But try what fortune will allow To edge of Sword , and potent blow , For Points in fights Knight-Errantry Were still rebated , that you 'l see In Writs of yore ; let rumours cease Dissention breeds , I 'm of the Peace . Quoth Justice then , and of the Town Else I 'd not value a crackt Crown : More then pins head , I think it meet With wisdoms lore the crew to greet , The safter weapon of the two And will not make so much ado ; Then quoth Sir Hudibras I le spare Your braines the labour to ensnare Their wits and wills , quoth then Sir Guill — Were my Troop here I 'd not stand still , Courage quoth Hudibras , and now Wit shew thy self , or weapon , thou ; Then Cicero my tongue adapt Or strenthen arm thou mighty Capt — So on they jog , and with an eye Well read in modern Policy The numerous crew they do behold With patience strong and courage bold . And soon Sir Hud . doth them Accost But all in vain , his labours lost , He moves to them with sober speech , And strokes his beard while they turn breech ; Quoth he , you Males , for to the Shee s , I 'le offer nothing shall displease , How durst you set up ( Sans advice ) A May-pole of ungodly size For height it may amaze the people , And streighter is then Grantham Steeple ; Which States-men do conclude upon Might ferk the whore of Babylon ; Have you to scoure a scurvy Cliffe Brought Gyants Toole from Teneriffe Ossa or Pelion ? No , quoth Tergo , 'T is for the Sisters , Ruth and Pergo And such as follow Covinticle , No brother has a Toole so mickle , Monstra morendum quoth Sir Hud — What are you men of flesh , or Wood ? Will you in spight of Ordinance , A whorish Stallion thus advance ? Where are your Scences , pray look to 't , Have we not struck at Branch and Root ? And ta'ne the Smock from off the Whore , Yet will you aggravate us more ? Quoth Lanio , hence thou Weasel , Rat , That scarce durst look in face a Cat , Who sent for thee ? what mak'st thou here ? And these thy Chitterlings so neer ? Whence com'st thou , from what nasty Sinck Didst thou creep forth , to prate and stink ? Depart in peace , or by this Truncheon , Thy Beastly back I 'le raise a Bunch on , Bigger then that thou bear'st , ner'e grudge it , 'T shall taken be for Tinkers Budget . Can Nature Monsters such afford , That will not hear from Man a word ? Quoth Hudibras , more deaf then Adder To common Sense , to make me madder ? And in the face of Justice too ! Sword keep to me , as I 'le to you , Quoth then Sir Jus. my Brothers both , To agravate the Case I 'm loth , Because these all my Neighbours are , And you my worthy Friends , and dear , An even hand I mean to carry , In Weighty matters must be wary . He spit , and then he spake , quoth he , My Friends , as many as there be , I hope it is no bad advice , To bid all be merry and wise ; I need no farther learning borrow , Then sawcy Mirth will bring , or Sorrow : And though for number we seem fools , 'T is dangerous meddling with Edge tools : And here are mighty Men and strong , Whose Arts are in the Army sung . Root up your Pole , remove it hence , And let your own homes be your fence . For I 'm impowred by Commission , To force you from this lewd Condition . Quoth Shanco ( quaintly ) Mr. Justice , Upon our Strength , not you , our Trust is , With Wit , or Weapon , choose you whether , Or one , or both , or altogether ; We are resolv'd , and so have at ye , If words won't do 't , by Jove wee 'l pat ye . I am the Lasses Champion , then Be safe , and get you back agen . Well said Core Shanco , quoth Tonsore , I 'le second thee upon that score . Awake , quoth Hudibras , thou Fox : Hold , quoth Sir Guill . I hate these Knocks : The People will be mollifi'd If that the Lord be on our fide . Scarce had he spoke , er'e Stratagem ( By Shanco laid ) surrounded them , But by stout Molindario led , Whose very looks did speak 'em dead . What mean you then , quoth Hudibras ? Fie on 't , this 't is to be an Ass , And leave my Instruments of danger At six and sevens , Rack and Manger : But Tom , ( speaking to doughty Squire ) This is thy fault , or I 'm a lyer . Now Valour must be brought on knees To Rascal Rout , and their Pedees . Down with that Maggot quoth the Boyes : Children to School , and leave your noyse . Quoth Justice good , how comes it thus you hem us in , may'nt we untruss ? My little Body can't contain , Quoth Hudibras , my Spirit main , I 'le run the hazard : knock him down Cries one , as soon as said 't is done . Sir Guill . did shew his Teeth , but durst Not bite , though he had Mastiffs nurst . The ground was burthen'd with the Groanes Of Knights , and Squires , these pitions ones ; And how to rid 'em thence was thought , Coltstaffes with quick dispatch were brought , On which they hoysted were , and so Convey'd to Town , who durst say no ? Where they were met with mocks and laughter , Their Horses , as rank Beasts , sent after . The second Canto . Argument . The Knights retir'd their Case Condole , Big with Revenge as Mare with Fole , Consult the means , but can't agree , Part , and put up th' Indignity . Knights two , to wit , Sir Hudibras , And Guill . leave Town and further pass , Their Squires attend ; Encounters meet In Journeys-Road , Yclipped Street . Where on thae next day kept was Fair , Then doth ensue what happen'd there . SIR Hudibras ( though Fortune had With wry-mouth flouted him ) grew mad , And nothing else would serve his turn To quench the Rage in him did burn , But a full Goblet of French Wine Was dulcifi'd with Sugar fine ; Which having guzzell'd down Gullet , He thought on speech , and then he spet The clear preserver of his Wit For that , being Salt did season it . Quoth he , I was a thirst indeed , Now Brothers , pray do you proceed : I 'm sure you shar'd in blows and beating , A Julip's good after a heating . He wipes , and then he hulminates , Words that through Ear late penetrates , Shall we , quoth he , sit down with loss , And faintly go by weeping Cross ? Shall we with Patience take their frumps , And Heads revengeless go for bumps ? Given by the hand of wreaking Foe , What er'e you think , I think not so . Shall Triumph revel in their smiles , Our Courage pinion'd all the whiles ? Shall we besotted be with beating , And bury Honour by retreating ? Honour that 's not so cheaply bought As Eggs that to your Markets brought . But is the purchase of the daring , That will not of their blood be sparing . Rally for shame then , let 'em know , We scorn to flinch for knock or two . And now ( good Omen ) I have got My Pistols , that I then had not , Which careless Squire did leave behind , I would he had been beaten blind . Quoth Justice , you want Charity , Bro. Knight , Sir Hud . assuredly , For true it is ( or else blame me ) When Men are blind they cannot see . Quoth Hudibras , is there no way To put a period to this day By Conquest ours ? where art thou Pate ? Or thus — or thus — no , now I have 't : To th' Parliament with speed I 'le send , Where I have got a special Friend . Hold , quoth Sir Guill . Bro. Hudibras , I have it here , and it shall pass ; Bring Ink and Paper , I 'le dispatch Letters to Nantwich , where my Match - Less Troop doth quarter ; come they hither , They 'd tear these Rogues ears , though of leather Quoth Hudibras , 't is trick of Clown , To take one up before he 's down ; Yours is the work of half a year , And my Design does lie but here A stones throw off , but twenty mile , And may be done while one does pile A load of Wood. I think not so , Quoth Justice then , though much I know . Yes upon Motion of my Friend , Quoth Hudibras , I know they 'l send , Either a Company , or Troop , Shall make these stubborn Rascals stoop , But good Sir Bro. quoth Justice , Sir , What will their coming here infer ? 'T is true , that after Beef comes Musterd , When Belly 's full , then Bring in Custerd : In plain , the Proverb 's good I swear , They 'l come a day after the fair ; Or as ( of yore ) the learned Clerk it , Will come at th' end of a bad Market ; At end of Feast I cannot say ; But after fray I justly may . Then ( undet favour ) Brother Knights , Yout Reasons are not in the rights ; You from Nantwich do draw Design , And you fetch yours beyond the Line , For here , or there , 't is call'd all one , The Line of Communication . And the wise Parliament thought fit We should be Neighbours to their Wit. Sir Guill . I cannot reach your sense , Nantwich is many miles from hence , And yours I 'm sure doth lye as far As Kingstone is from Westminster , You say they 'l come , I ask you when ? You say to Morrow . And what then ? I do Respond , before they come The Foe is gone , each Wight's at home , So that your Councel is no more , " Then Steed being stoln , shut Stable dore . The Red-coats come , and simply see A goodly Field , and long Pole-tree : Perhaps they 'l reak Revenge on Wood , But what will that do out Heads good ? That ake with blows , and our bones more , Will that be Salve for every Sore ? Did Paracelsus ever make Plaisters of Chips for Valours sake ? Or will ( by simpathy ) the blows And hacks on Pole be felt by Foes ? You may as well say , strike me Brother Here , and at York 't shall lite on t'other . I need not further wrack my Brains , ( And 't may he little thank for pains ) To bring Comparisons , save this Which was said of Diogenes , When he was told that one spoke ill Of him behind his back , It will , Quoth he , not hurt me if he do , When I 'm not present beat me too . So to as little purpose were These men thought on , should combat air , And like the King of France his Men , March up the Hill , and down agen . More I could say , but let it rest , The Birds at night will fly to Nest : What that infers your selves may judge , I have too long been Reasons Drudge . Quoth Hudibras , must we passe by So grand an open Injury ? Render'd the scorn and sport of Clown , And Table-talk for all the Town ? We that have seen Death in the Field , And made the surly Fellow yield ; We that through dangers mouth have met The Foe , and ner'e the worse for 't yet , I mean the common Enemy , The bold and daring Cavalry . We can't deny but the base Clubs Of this rude Rout have given us Rubs , Which will remain a day or two On sides , in Colours black and blew ; And ' gainst our wills are forc't to wear 'um , Those that did give 'um , Old Nick take 'um , Can you , Sir Jus . so tamely take This Cudgel-Combat , and not make The very Basis of the Town To tremble at your awful frown ? Is Justice lame as well as blind , Crippl'd in Power as well as Mind ? Can you send Begger to the Stocks , And have no Punishment for Knocks ? Knocks in a most Malign sence , That will admit of no Pretence ? Were you Commissionated Harry , Or are you Supernumerary , To wit , one that may be imploy'd When others are with service cloy'd ? If you the thing it self assume , In your own strength you may presume , And by attractive Vertue draw Obedience to you , Brat o th' Law : Pitchforks and Prongs will soon appear . When that Sir Justice is in fear . Oblige your Interest , Neighbours raise , My honour then will bear the Bayes : And that you may not want a Man Resolved , know I 'le head the Van , You and Sir Guill , bring up the Rear , I hope y' are not ill placed there . Sir Hud . and Bro. I must confess , Not willingly I 'de Aqui-ess . Quoth Justice , Sir , but as I pearch At Reason , and her Intrails search , I know there 's no good to be done , Either with Father , or with Son : The Case is alter'd now , quoth Ployden , Which is asserted by each Hoyden : When danger did attend our Gates We did not fear to venture Pates , But now we have no Enemie , Unless among our selves they be , Pray who do they then Impeach , If you into the sense will reach ? They plead to have their Sports restor'd , For which they had the Senates word , And trusted to 't as much , Jack saith , As Tom did to the Publique Faith. Now they instead of being protected In their Pastimes , are detected , Disturb'd , molested , put in fear , Which is a Sessions matter , hear Me Brother Knights , 't is counted pacem Terrorem too , if you will trace 'em , To wit , the Cynicks of the Law , Who in this Case will find a flaw For Palm of fist , without good Friends , Or Money , which makes all amends . But I digresse ; of this no more , To what I should have said before My puupose is ; the promise Root To all their hopes laid under foot ; By whom ? who did it violate , One that 's a Servant to the State , Quoth pro and con ; that Justice I , My Conscience speaks it , which won't lye ; And so for service yours , unsought , I 'm into a Priminure brought . Excuse me Brother Knights , God knows I 'm well contented with my blows , If you be so , for said my Sire , The burnt Child ever dreads the fire , And I was but an Asse , some hint , At first to have a finger in 't . Send Mittimus , then quoth Sir Guill . As I would do , had I my will. A Mittimus , quoth Justice then , For what , wherefore , for whom , and when ? Exponere . And who shall serve it ? Let such have beating that deserve it . The Constable , nor Tything-man Will do 't , if they avoid it can : Besides , did Justice er'e obtrude A Mittimus on Multitude ? And your own Eyes have seen that I , Who am above it , they defie ; For all conclude , ( or else they 'r Fools ) The Workman's better then his tools . In brief , ( for Brevity's the best To such will not here out the rest ) I 'm confident , and dare aver , Not one man on our side will stir . The Remedy we have is this , Bought Wit is best ; Nor is it miss Applyed here , which bids be wary Of such who are Ubiquitary . Quoth Hudibras , why Brother Jus . I wonder you should Cackel thus : Has the Hen trod you ? Is your Comb Cut , and no Cock at dunghil-home ? Prevaricate , turn Cat in Pan , Be lesse then Beast , yet seem a Man. Do you wear Beard , and want a Face To add a Credit to your Place ? Too much , the Proverb now should hit In you , to have more hair then wit : The Romans shav'd themselves so clean , The face of Justice might be seen ; But you obscure it with a Grove , Where Maggots Nest in Neighbour-love : Or like the Creeping Syrian King , When he with Beasts went a Banquetting . What strange Coherence doth bewitch Your Worships Nose to Plow-mans breech ? I do request your learned Noddle , Tell me what 's that in Pan you coddle ; For Brains you have not ( I suppose ) Unless they drop out of your Nose . Are you a Magistrate per se , Or insufficientem te ! To which o th' Nounes do you incline ? Your Gender sure 's not Masculine : Rather the Doubtful , like long Megs , And scarce can stand on your own legs : The Sword on Shoulder was mis-laid , When kneel down Gent. rise Knight was said : And he that made thee Justice-dasher Did spoil ( Sir Reverence ) a good Thrasher . Nay , quoth Sir Guill . I promise you , Bro. Hud . something he said was true , And now for Councel well may pass , Though one would take him for an Ass , Not to run farther into th' Briers , Is all that his advice requires : And truly , unlesse we were stronger , I think 't not safe to stay here longer . Quoth then Sir Justice , 't is all one To me , to stay , or to be gone ; But I think packing is the the best , For beating this , is but Earnest To after Payments that will follow , When as the Rout Triumphs ; and hollow , If you at good advice will rave , Abuse your Friends when none you have : Take Pepper in Nostrello when You want a Box to put it in ; I care not a Fleas-biting for All your great din , pudder , and stir ; And as a wiser then you all Did speak in house beyond the Hall , If without cause you angry be , Be pleas'd without amends for me : And since all words are held but wind , Your Girdles buckle turn behind : I 'le not be bug beard at the word Of Colonel Cramp , or wise Sir Turd , I 've seen a Knight ere I saw you Quoth Hudibras , scarce one so true ; Mine currant and of older stampt Then thine that is but lately vampt , Mine will be lasting , thine decay , The More 's your shame , as I may say . Quoth Justice then , for one may see You 're Cobler but in Heraldry ; And If I don't mistake my Note , You basely have abac'd your Coat ; For he can be no Childe of Honour , That shall for favours spurn at th' Donor : As for my part ( though mine were latter ) I shall stick still to the first matter , I will obedient be to Powers That are above me , not to yours ; And in my Neighbours love will dy , I value not wherefore , nor why . Quoth Hudibras , to horse , a Curse Upon this Town , Malignants Nurse , And doth derive part of its name From whom ( at first ) Tyranny came . May darkness seize upon your dwellings , That have eclips'd my high Excellings ; May all your Wives be leapt by Clown , And your fine Bread be turn'd to Brown ; May all your Cattel dye o th' Rot , And not a piece be had for Pot , Or Spit ; and may your Children mutter , When Kine want Milk , and they want Butter . Quoth Justice then , thou art no Christian , A Turk , or Jew , or Tribe Philistian : Get to thy Crew , from hence for shame , Least on thy back light all the blame . So part they did with Anger eager As frowns on Brows , and Visage meager : The Squires were call'd from Tipling-Cell , Not dreaming of what had befel ; Armed with Liquor Male they stride Thir sturdy Steeds , and on they ride ; leaving Sir Justice out of Peace , Fretting , and melting in 's own greace ; And unto Town , famous for Hogs , Butchers , and their like , Mastiffe-dogs ; And for a Witch that once liv'd there , Not unlike Falstaffe in Shakespeare ; But more for fight , when Londoneers In Thames were dipt or'e head and ears , And some Limbless in Carts were sent , As Presents unto Parliament , Which made a foul House , and no doubt Was ill Resented when smelt out ; Thither they haste , but in their way , Latet in anguis ; some rubslay . At distance mile from Town there stood An Amphitheatre of Wood , Back'd pretty strong , a Form or Bench , Where sat Sir Capon and his Wench ; A Plank for Stage some five yards high , ( With Curtain most conveniently . ) On which Sir Hud . whose eyes were walking , Perceiv'd a fellow gape , or talking , Sometimes expanding arms , then clutch His fists , or point to thumb , as much , His head was in perpetual motion , His eyes the same , to put off lotion , And tongue he had more swift then Jack , Which alwayes ran knick knack , knick , knack , For through his teeth such jangling went , As one would think his gums were wrent : Spectators many stood before To see the Knacks he had in store , With Algate-Mouths , Saracens Ear , They gape to taste , as mad to hear . On either side of Theater Were plac'd two Tubs of sturdy Beer , And Wenches , that for Novelties , Sold Ginger-bread , and Pudding-pies , Which fodder was unto the Cattel , As when Train-band do enter battel : This made the Knights and Squires to pawse A while , and sift into the cause : What can this mean , quoth Hudibras To Knight Sir Guill . must we not pass ? Does Courage so adapt my blade , That Multitudes do Ambuscade ? Day thou art fatal , yet bright Honour Shall say I still will wait upon her ; Be bold , troop up , defie the Foe ; Hold , quoth Sir Guill . I say not so ; Observe you not you ' man of Zeal , A blest Tipe o th' Common-weal , With held up hands , and devout eyes , He doubtless is at Exercise , His Faculties in labour are , To feed the Soul even through the Ear , A Work of Grace he is a doing , Then soberly let us be going ; Curb in the Reins of wicked Horse , And pace like men that have remorse , For ah , alack no blows controul As words , that cudgel do the Soul , For they , like to Achilles Speare , Both wound and heal , or I 'm not here . So on they amble to the place , Where Monsieur spake with a boon grace ; Begar me kill you all , an den Presan make you alive agen ; Wi dis me do all de gran Cure , De Pock , de Scab . de Calenture ; Me make de Man strong , pour de Wench . ( Then riseth Capon from the Bench ) Look you me now , do you no see Dead yesterday , now live day be , Four boon , dey leap , dey dance , dey sing , May foy , an do de toder ting : Begar good Medicine do all dis . Capon makes legs , and Wench doth kiss , Take hands , and throw their legs about . Then Hudibras disturbs the Rout : Quoth he , what do you come to see , A Pandor shew his Harlotry ? Then forth of Holster doth he take His fatal Engine , to awake His long slept anger ; ' mongst 'em them ( With Courage would serve twenty Men ) He rusheth , makes the Rabble fly ; Monsieur doth Quarter , Quarter cry ; And Capon ( but for Wenches Teathers ) Had been hung up in his own Feathers : The Suttlers lay as they were dead , To see their Drink so murdered ; Hot Custard , piping-Pudding-pie , On Gods cold Earth at distance lie ; The Knights and Ladies sunder'd are , In Ginger-bread united were : But th' Squires did in Pocketto put Some Pudding-pies , as good for Gut. The Rout dispers'd , quoth Hudibras , Brother Sir Guill . and Squires , the face Of Fortune now is wheel'd about , She doth assist the bold and stout ; I knew er'e Ev'ning did close in We should be Conqnerours , and win ; Perseverance doth make the Man Inclin'd to Warr a Champion ; Diffidence and distrust confound , And bury Honour under ground : To take one Wound , and fear another , Makes Man but Valours bastard-brother ; In all brave Fights with courage born , Ev'nings prove better then the Morn : In triumph Squires lead on to Town , We have recover'd our Renown . The third Canto . Argument . The Victors all their Pris'ners carry Through Town to Castle , and there tarry , Which Pilgrims us'd in times of yore To call an Inn , and shew'd wherefore ; There they in Councel sit , and do Examine Quack , Capono too , Nor doth the Wench escape their reach , They in her Cote do find a breach . But in the Close ( without controul ) They Prisoners passe on their Paroul . Then new Adventures they do seek 'Mong Butchers rude , and Puppets meek . UNhappy is the Wight that has To do with mighty Hudibras , Whose Courage no rebating knows , For he drives on , and calls for blows , And like the daring Scithian Shepherd , Keeps Sword from Rust , till all are pepper'd , Or in the Sanguine liquour stew'd Issuing from Pagan Multitude , Though Fortune on his side may frown At first , at last her Pride comes down , Which he takes up , and swells his Sails With glorious Nihils , empty Gales : So have I known some Courtiers want Bread , more then ever did pesant , Upon the turning of the Wheel , Preferment made their Reason reel , And slight those from whom helps they had ; Success , and Money make Men mad ; Money that Loyalty out-braves , Keeps back the honest , brings in knaves , Puts fellows Principl'd in Treason In Power and trust ' gainst sense and reason , Replyes to all things , Rhimes to Honey , Ask what 's a Clock , 't is answer'd Money . Go to 'em but to speak about , Some business , streight the hand 's held out , Which signifies you must prepare , Before your matter meet their Ear ; Like half-starv'd Wretches ( come to meat ) Do covet more then they can eat : Or as the Proverb bids you mark , The Priest forgets he er'e was Clark. Sir Hudibras , whose great Prowesse Aims at the more , forgets the lesse , Troops on with all his Captiv'd train In state , much like to Tamberlain , For he , his Conquest to compleat , Chains Monsieur Quack like Bagazet , And at Horse tayl he doth attend , Like one made for no other end ; With head on side of neck , he goes , His Vessels leaking , Eyes and Nose , His antick Motions are forgot , He moves as though he moved not ; Nor can you blame him thus to faulter , No Dog but would abandon halter ; And he well knew there was no trick In reading , or practice Chymick , After a hanging to cure Gullet , And set it right to swallow Pullet : Capono and his Damsel brought Up Rear , with Sorrow fully fraught , His Countenance betray'd him loth To be disht up amidst white Broth , And doubted much to have his Book , He knew he had a hanging look . The Damsel lookt like one neer dead , But comforted by Ginger-bread , And now and then with Pudding-Pie , Tender'd by Squires ( some Reason why ) For as Taylors preserve their Cabbage , So Squires take care of Bag and Baggage . Vesper appear'd , and Sol was down , When Hudibras did enter Town : Quoth he , Bro. Guill . observe the Sun , Envying the Glories we have won , Is gone to bed , and in meer spight Shadows our Trophies with the Night ; But er'e he has ta'ne Nap or two Wee 'l rouze him with Atchievements new , Bleeding like Herrings in their Gills , And fresh too , or wee 'l want our wills : So over Lake , Anglice Kennel ( Which had a stronger scent then Fennel ) They unto Gate ( beyond it ) past , Famous ( when shut ) for being fast . Quoth Knight to Squires , go one of you , No matter which , you are but two , And ask who keeps this Garrison , I mean the house , but 't is all one . Your words , quoth Squire , shall be obey'd Great Hudibras , ( just so he said ) Before the turning of a Teaster , Or bate me of an Egg at Easter . Whoop , quoth the Squire , where are you ho ? A Language he was verst into , For he had travell'd many a mile , And was not now to seek his stile . At last Ostlero did appear , Whose Nose did scent the Beasts were near : Quoth he , why bring you not down lights For Squires so good , and eke for Knights ? Quoth Squire , first take in care our Horses , And then you may Rally your Forces . With hand as useful Quacks Sirrops , Ostlero streight takes hold on Stirrops , And leads the Palfryes to the Stable , Where he did do what he was able To beasts , for he and they were Kin , However they were now drawn in . Mean while was Chamberlano call'd ; He came , and ask'd for what they bawl'd , For he was ready for all Squabbles , Having been beat ( it seems ) at Tables . Quoth Hudibras , where wert thou bred ? Wilt thou not stand us now in sted ? Wearied with doing mighty things , Spent the whole day in Bickerings , These are the Guordeons of our toil , Our purchase and our lawful spoil . Quoth then Sir Guill . oh fie , good Brother , Let us like Christians love each other . But every like is not the same , Quoth Hudibras , you are to blame , You will be twittering like the Drill , Yet insignificant be still . Quoth he , these are meer Infidels . Begar you lye ( quoth Monsieur ) else , Softly to self , as who should say , He would speak more were he away . Quoth Hudibras , shew up to room , For they shall soon receive their Doom . Quoth Chamberlano , after banging I think them hardly worth the hanging ; Yet I presume they may be try'd well , And sent to place yclipsed Bridewell . Thou hitt'st it right , quoth Hudibras , And so they unto Chamber pass , The fairest in the place , you may Believe whatever others say ; In length it was full fourteen Yards , In breadth some twelve , measure , Richaurds ; The Floor , for Comers , strew'd with Rushes ; Chimney set out with Boughs and Bushes ; The Walls , instead of Tapistry , Were hung about with History , As those of the Prodigal Son , And Judgement just of Solomon , In Capitals most fairly writ , To take the Eye , and help the Wit ; Upon the Ceiling one might see Clouds of Mens names in Candlery , Who had been Patrons to the place , And penny spent in putting Case ; In Window laid was Lavendare , Of which the Cushions smel most rare , With pots of Flowers very pleasing To put a Man into a sneezing : In midst of Room a Table stood , Which certainly was made of Wood ; The Superfices of it was A Carpet , which for green may pass T' avoid disputes , but to say true , It might as well be ta'ne for blew , Or any colour else , or none At all , hower'e 't shall pass for one , Richly strip'd o're with dregs of Ale , Which from o're-charg'd Cups seldom faile , And here and there you might discry A breach made by the Enemy , Who from Mundungoes took its name , And wastes it self in smoak and flame , Whose ashes fatal are to Cloth , Linnen , or Woolen , all , or both : On each side Table placed were Stools joynted , and at end a Chair , Which was for Worshipful , so please , But all was for the Buttocks ease : And lights in Sticks some place did fill there , Some say were Tin , but bright as Silver : At end of Room a Bed did stand , Whose Posts were carv'd by cunning hand , Faces good store , but ne're a Nose , And Legs too , without Feet , or Toes , Which either came by some disaster , Or else he was not his Arts Master ; And yet perhaps he did express The Art he had in ugliness ; For to do things exactly ill Must needs shew ( though not Judgement ) Skill : About the Teaster of the Bed , And so on that they call the Head , Were painted Batts ( like Cherubs ) flying , To comfort Souls when they are dying . But rouze my Muse , y 'ave been too long Upon the Bed , pursue your Song ; For Clio ( as some Authours ken ) Doth sing the worthy Deeds of Men ; So all this while , it may be sed , We have been singing Knights to bed : Therefore no harm to Ears that have No mind to hear , nor those that crave . And now we come unto the Point , By this time Squires had truckt for Joint Of Mutton , or some wholsome food , Which they knew was for body good , And brought up word unto the Knights , Who bid withdraw awhile yon' Wights , Pointing to Prisoners , who stood gaping , As Damsel did , who long'd for Japing , A word the Gipseys much affect , And held by These in like respect ; Eor they have travell'd North , and South , With it , and tenant is to mouth , Which though they throw out now , and then , They entertain with joy agen ; But er'e the Creature was brought up ; Or that the Knights had ta'ne a sup , On these main words , put case , and whether , The Knights condogg'd , knockt Jolls together , At last for private Reasons they Did think it fit the Wights should stay ; For held it was a point of State , That Prisoners should on table wait . After a hem , Sir Hudibras Bespake and said , alas , alas ! Begar , quoth Monsieur , here be none , Me scorn your vards begone . There 's no such haste , then quoth Sir Guill . Our Enmity is not so ill To have you loose part of the Supper , And therefore stay : Marry come up here ; Quoth Hudibras , must you be treated , Whom we but lately have defeated ? Begar ( quoth Quack ) vid all mine heart Me take de Supper in good part ; Me be no angry vid dat , Dough me be mad at me know vat . Then Chamberlano Cloth did lay , Which had not seen Sun many a day , And Salt sat down with little losse , Its Cell . was part of Charing-Crosse , In equipage most formidable All things were fitted for the Table . Then Hudibras bid all be bare , Lend Ear to Grace ( but none was there ) His eyes and hands did make dumb shows , His tongue ( too ) and his very nose ; But this fume did not last him long , His stomack to the Meat was strong : Quoth he , give Trenchers to the Wretches , Let them attend while Colon stretches . Ma foy , me understand no dis , Quoth Quack , trencher in hand a , pis Bougra Shack-dog , me serving Man , Dat in de Pock have de Largent . Oh have you so , quoth Hudibras , Wee 'l see anon if it will pass ; Sit down , and let your Servants eat With Squires so good , wee 'l leave 'em meat . Four boone begar , 't is all a mode , Quoth Quack , poor Men travel de Rode. So they fall to 't with teeth and knives , And throw about 'em for their lives , They little leisure had to prate , And so avoided all debate , To wit , had stomacks like to horse , And had not time to find discourse ; They did so pay shoulder a Mutton , That morsel scarce was left there uppon For Squires , and Charge , whose looks so meager Declar'd that they to eat were eager Quoth Hudibras , Squires take away , Victual your Camps , but do not stay Long by 't ; and hear me , send up Pease , They will our appetites appease ; Dispatch , for business great ( you know ) Effect we must er'e sleep we do : So down go Squires , and into Room , Where Hogo did from Stable come ; They put Capono and his Wench Where neither stool was , nor yet bench , But forms a couple by good hap , And table too , ( to take a snap ) Some four foot high , and two yards long , With legs of wood supported strong : And therefore Authors say the word Implies ( in very truth ) a board : There us'd Tapstero , and Ostlero , To play at Putt for Cans of Beer , ho ; On board , or table , was set down The burthen'd dish with meatless bone ; And streight out of the Kitchin popt A Wench , that had in dripping sopt ; 'T is true , her hands were not so white As theirs that lie in gloves all night ; No matter though some speak 'em foul , She was a good condition'd Soul , And meerly in good will did bring A clout , sh 'ad newly been wrinsing , After it serv'd had dish and pot , And came from dresser reaking hot : Oh fie ( quoth she ) are you without A cloth , then down she dropt her clout , And spreaded it to best advantage ( In cloath sometimes there may be scantage ) And so they fell to picking bone , Which was snatcht at by every one , With many a Wink-contrived-slip , And happy he could get a snip , Only for Damsel carv'd was Knuckle , And she as stoutly with 't did buckle ; Quoth Squires , are there no Peason left For us , who are with hunger cleft ? Hunger you know is very keen , Or ( as some have it ) sharp , which e'ne Will break stone walls through ; then what hath Man to defend him , who 's but lath ? Quoth Squire , come bring us ( and then drinks ) Onions and Cheese to fill up chinks ; Which they chop down with far more ease Then Dogs ( in Summer ) snap up Fleas . I might say something of the becks , The winckings , and their counter-checks , Simprings , and treading on the toes , Excuses ( too ) to pluck a Rose , Which ( for Squires sake ) distressed Dam - Sel us'd to make , when loose i th' Ham ; But I conceive they will advance Matter enough for some Romance ; So I acquit my self the pains That do attend those busie-brains ; And unto Hudibras , who now Summons his Wits , and knits his brow , Crosses the Proverb ( like a Gull ) Grows angry when his Belly 's full , Stroaks up his forehead with a Grace , And looks hat-lining in the face , Mutters a word or two to self , Then calls , where 's Chamberlain that Elf ? To clear the board , or Tapster , he May do the office if need be : And so about the Room he struts , Like him that newly fill'd had guts ; Or as 't is said of Crow in gutter ; His arms like wings about did flutter : He rubs his elbow , then his pate , Calls up the Squires , quoth he , 't is late , And bid 'em bring with them their Charge , My word is a Mandamus large Enough ; all Consultations are Ripest at Night , as th' Romans were ; The Mornings dew the Poets suck , That makes 'em poor ( the worser luck ) Their friend Aurora doth inspire Their Fancies but with early fire , Not well grown up , a fainting light , When weighty matters require night , And in the States-mans Cabinet , We therefore will in Councel set . But here Sir Hudibras mistook , And went a mile beside his Book , For he that is a Poet right Doth court the Morn , and weds the Night : And such as have the happy fate To steer a Stage , can steer a State. The Squires at Call obedient were , And to their Arms did soon repair ; The Prisoners were conducted up , After they 'd ta'ne a lusty sup Of knocking Ale , though liquor muddy , It in their Cheeks rais'd colours ruddy . Quoth Hudibras , drawneerer you , And you Jack-daw get to your Crew , Speaking to Quack . Be me Shack-daw ? ( Quoth he ) you be Shack-nape , pishaw — Me no care dis — begar me be A Gentlehome in mine Countrey , Me tell you dat , better den you , Vat den ? may foy me speak de true . Quoth Hudibras , thou sawcy Wight , Compare how dar'st thou with Sir Knight ? Him , into whose more powerful hands Confiscate are thy life and lands , As thou shalt see , soon after Tryal Sentence shall passe without denyal . So he surveighs the Room , and where Solomon painted was sets Chair , And seats self in 't ; quoth he , before We handle th' matter shut the dore , And snuffe the Candles , they burn dim : The Squire with haste obeyed him . Then Hudibras bid 'em sit down At Tables end , and mind their own , Which was their Armes ; then frown he threw At Prisoners , might have made them spew Their Suppers up , but when he saw It had no power upon their Maw , He finds another way , and blisters Sir Guillielmo's Ears with whispers ; At fingers ends he pleads their Cases , ( The ancient way us'd by Arbaces : ) And as his head and fingers plaid , Quoth Capon , sure he 's of our Traid ; Mark , Master , if he can refrain To shew in part Legerdemain ; I , now again ; he do'st with ease , And has more Roguish tricks then these ; Fear not , I warrant we are quit , Hang him , he has a pestilent Wit , Sudden as Thunder ( that soures Beer ) As lowd too ; he bids Wretches hear , For now his anger is grown hot , And a Fools bolt is soonest shot ; ) Are you asham'd to shew your Faces ? Then to the brown Cow turn your Arses , ( A Military word much us'd In Scotland , though by some abus'd , And signifies to face about , True , we might here have left it out : ) He riseth from his Chair , and straight Fills it again , to shew his State ; Supports his whiskers with fore-finger , Bites thumb , instead of candi'd Ginger , Which , if you dare to take my word , At that time house could not afford , But Don de Fogo ( by relation ) Speaks it a sign of indignation , A menacement unto the Foe , And it may well be taken so , From hence the ancient Proverb comes , The angry Man will eat his Thumbs : But in another sense we find The matter of a different kind , As when o're Coward one prevails , He swears hee 'l make him eat his Nails , Yet seriously consider'd , we Find not the sense to disagree , For nail to thumb 's a noted friend , And holds out to the very end , So that if nail a sufferer be , The thumb must share by simpathy : So much for that , and now to him Ycliped Hudibras the Grim , And yet hee 'l smile , but then beware , For sure it is against the hair ; Quoth he , 't is fit we should take care ( Imprimis ) to know what you are , From whence you came , and what you do In England , not a place for you , We have no vagrant People here , But what are punisht most severe , And if you do transgress our Laws , You are condemn'd for the same Cause . Your Lex ( quoth Quack ) me no concern , Vat's dat to dee ver me vas born , Me be no esham'd of mi Countree , Me be a Frenshman de Parree , 'T is no four boon to use me dus , Ven Anglond be in League vid us . That makes not for you a bare word , Quoth Hudibras , so thumpt the board with fist as hard , as who should say , What mischief 's this , would it were day , For Arguments grew on apace , And so did Night , put Case to Case ; If theft or murder you commit , Quoth he , pray , who shall pardon it ? Th' Offence done here ? Good Mr. Blus - Ter , must not th' mercy come from us ? Begar ( quoth Quack ) me be no sush Man , Me travell'd Swed . Ital. and Dushland , Nay par ma foy all de Varld o're , And me ner'e vas serv'd dus before . Quoth Hudibras , what made you to About you call so base a Crew Of Tag and Rag , lew'd hair-brain'd fellows , Many of them deserving Gallows ? This will be found an Insurrection , To which the Law denyes protection ; In time of Peace to raise a rude And giddy-headed multitude , To break the Peace — No , no , begar ( Quoth Quack ) you break a de Peace vid Var , You draw de Sword , and cock de Pistall , Come down sa , sa , ven dey ver whist all , Begar you break a de Peace me say . Quoth Hudibras , an Asse will bray , And so dost thou ; I tell thee , this Crime is Indictable , that ' t is . Ditable ! vat be dat ? quoth he , Me no it understand , fi , fi . Quoth Hudibras , what do we know But you come here to stir up Foe ; To set the needy Cavaleers And us together by the Ears , That Money have , which they do want , And for't will fight like Tarmagant , And so our Valours be upbraided , And every Road be Ambuscaded ; This we interpret may a Plot To raise a new Warr , is it not , Bro. Guill . ? Now he of speech was slow , Because he would not his teeth show , And to avoid the carping might Upon his words and judgement light , Which shew'd his wisdom , and intent , By silence still to give consent ; For the best way to shun dispute , Is to say nothing , or be mute . So on Sir Hudibras proceeds , And agravates Quack's foul misdeeds , So high , and with so strong a sence , You 'd wonder it should come from thence . Begar ( quoth Quack ) you be strange Man in de Varl , your vit do range ; Me tell you one , two , tree , fore times , Me be no born here in your Climes , Me be de Frenchman , profess Phissick , Me cure de Pock , de Cough , de Tissick , De Ish , de Gout , the Ash in bones , And me begar can cut your Stones . How 's that ? quoth wrathful Hudibras , That word shan't unrevenged pass : A Purse ( too ) can you cut ? quoth he , And pick a Pocket if need be ? Or are employ'd by those that do , To draw the main end up , the Crew ? Me no endure dis ting , nor dat , Quoth Quack , come hedder , shew de Pat. Capon , vid hands of approbation From de College , pour , tolleration , From Potentates , and mighty Princes , Dat in de Varld de like not sure is . Quoth Hudibras , oh is it so , You kill , Cum privilegie ; Ensnar'd you are by this account , And Crimes on Crimes super amount , For Murder , or the like , there is No help left for you saving this , Shew something sign'd by Parliament , Or Oliver , to that intent , And wee 'l acquit you , give you o're , Else we proceed must as before : What say you for your self ? Dis be ( Quoth Quack ) may foy very pretty ; Vat do me need hands from fush tings , Ven me have got de hands of Kings ? Me never did seek after dem . Your words ( quoth Hudibras ) condemn Your self ; but e're we sentence pass , Come hither fellow with your Lass : What Trade art thou ? ( Quoth Capon ) none , I thank my Parents , I 'm but one Of thirteen that is left alive , The rest Grigg . did of breath deprive . 'T is fit thou make up Bakers dozen , ( Quoth Hudibras ) not Hangman cozen . And what are you , there , Mistris Minks ? With Cheeks that look like drooping Pinks ? What trade do you drive 'mong these fellows ? Are you Whore-ripe ( too ) for the Gallows ? At which the Squires look'd very sad . Fearing her Case would prove but bad . Quoth she , I must confess I am ( And 't please your Worship ) what I am , And have a long time follow'd this French Doctor here for Had-I - wiss . Art thou a Man , or art thou Womau , Quoth Hudibras , for both are common . Quoth she , I 'm of the weaker Sex , God bless your Worship , Vivat Rex . What 's that , quoth he , you mutter'd last ? I doubt y' are Male beneath the Waste , For as some Authors well have noted , Youths have been sometimes petticoated ; If so , there must be danger in 't , Statutes against it live in Print : Search her , examine all the nicks , For I do hate those Players tricks . Glad of the Office , Squires begin To strip her to the very skin . Quoth Capon , hold , to end the strife , And 't please you ( Sir ) she is my Wife , A Woman right . Yes ( Sir ) quoth she , Your Men know that as well as he . She had a quick and piercing sight , And found they Servants were to Knight . Nay then ( quoth Hudibras ) if she Be leefull lawful Wife to thee , Enquire no further ; Squires forbear , And touch not the forbidden Ware. Quoth she , I thank your love for that , Your Men I knew would harm me not . Quoth Hudibras , Friend , take her to thee , And many a good turn may she do thee : His Passion ( now ) left to be wild , As sleep came on , so he grew mild , He found the Night look monsterous grim , And Morpheus had surprized him , He gapes , and yawnes , and nods his head , ( Summons that call Mortals to bed ) What is 't a Clock ( quoth he ) d'ye think ? ( One would have thought he'ad been in drink ) Sure it draws neer to break of day , And I have something more to say : Oh Brother , that you could me help , But you are better skill'd in Kelp ( For which he was about to get A Patent , but was chous'd of it : ) Since then ( quoth he ) the Charge is mine , To quicken Spirits fill some Wine ; And having ta'ne a glass or two , As Cicero did use to do , When he in Councel sat up late , For benefit of Roman State ; He Temples rub to whet his Wits , And gravely down again he sits : Quoth he , your Crimes are great I know ; But we to anger ( now ) are slow ; Justice is pictur'd blind , and the Reason is , ' cause she will not see , And though some say she is Impartial , 'T is found contrary in each Martial , Or that she should not lend an Ear To this , or that , for love , or fear . Now that we fear you not , you know , And love you can't , what Snake in Bo ▪ Some ? for you are our Enemies , 'Twixt these Extreams ( then ) your Case lyes ; So that a moderate way we must Find out , or you are all but dust ; And that must full of Honour be , Or else we loose the Glory , We By Conquest won ; and now I hit it , ( This 't is to be so ready witted ) By laws of Armes we are to give Quarter to him desires to live ; What he is Master of is Ours , Excepting life , all 's in our Powers ; For such ner'e Valour understood , That kills his Enemy in cool blood ; It Murder is conceiv'd by some , Of which wee 'l wash our hands , come , come ; Now one would think he call'd for Water , But mark , I pray , what follow'd after ; We made you Prisoners by our Might , And all you have is ours by right ; But as the truly generous Spirit Minds nothing more then Honours merrit , So all the Plunder is our due We gratis do restore to you , And as you are parte per pale , , But half soul'd things , and therefore frail , Wee 'l grant you so your liberty , As may with Honour best agree ; There 's several wayes , which are not strange , Upon Parol , or in Exchange : Now Fortune was so just a Guide , That all the losse was on your side , And there the Case does differ much , Prisoners you are , you have none such ; Others have left a Guage behind 'Till their return , which is to bind ; But wee 'l direct a neerer way For you to walk , without more stay , Y 'ave plentifully fed on food , And therefore 't is but reason good , Without more words , or further beckoning , You presently discharge the Reckoning , Then cast your Caps up all , and cry , Long live our Noble Enemy . Begar me vill do no sush ting , Quoth Quack , me say , Viva de King , Of mine Countrey ; vat me to do To make sush Preachament pour you ? Me no deny to pay mine share , Pour mine self , and mine Servants dear , And me vill pay no more begar , Pour all you be de Man of Warr. I tell you once again , y' are dust , If you deny a thing so just , Quoth Hudibras ; if we once fly on , You 'l find what 't is to wake a Lion ; Have we you treated more like Friends Then Enemies , and 's this the mends ? Squires to your Arms , seize all they have , Only their dirty Vitals save : Now Hudibras begins to rant , Lo what it is for Man to want Sleep ; Man but two eyes has in 's head , Must they be ever opened ? What serves lids for , who ( like Watch-cases ) Should close eyes up safe in their places ? But when the brains boyl over pot , Then are the lids made fiery hot , And stiffe , they cannot shut the eyes , And there 't is thought the reason lyes . The Squires the Fod do hunch and justle , But 't was in vain for Quack to bussle , His party was to weak : Quoth he , Me vill pay de reck'nen jesvous pres ; All , quoth the Squires , or none : Me vill Pay all , quoth he , but hold you still ; It be no boon fashion to pay , Me tink , till me do go avay , Me do not at de reckonen grush , Dough me do tink it very mush , De Jentlehome , de Traveller , Pishaw , do no such ting begar , Dey stay in Inn pershanse two , tree Dayes , four boon , but pay no penny Till dey do mount Chivall , and den Dey call mine Host take de Recknen , Me now loge here dis night , Alles , In de morning me cry ver be ye , And discharge house vid all mine Soul. Quoth Hudibras , upon parole Depart you may , that is to bed , Be sure you keep to what y 'ave said , And e're your Journey , in the Morn Bring me a Plaister for my Corn. Wee , Wee , quoth Quack , me cure you all Be sis a Clock , or Diablo sall : Which reach'd not Hudibras his Ears , 'T was mutter'd as they went down stairs . Quoth Squires , wee 'l toss a Cup or two ( When Knights are safe in bed ) with you . Vid all mine heart , ( quoth Quack ) me'l stay One , two , tree oures pour you ma foy . The Knights hasten to bed apace : And Squires their Armour do unbrace , ( Yclyped Doublets ) Ostler call To pull off Boots , clean 'em withall ; Then down in Bed , not Bed of Down , But such as serv'd ( when came to Town ) Tom Carrier , Knights their Bodies lay , And bid the Squires take lights away , Dispatch to bed , and special care Take of Portmantua that was there ; For Truckling there was none in Room , Unless on Rushes they would strome ( Which some call stretch ) themselves , and so Take key , shut door , and down they go To seek a roosting place , and spend Some time with Damosel their Friend , And Quack , whose Gibberish pleas'd 'em much , Capono ( too ) for wit , none such , With little search they find 'em out , In a ground-Chamber , hung about With Cobwebs of the finest thred , Truckle there was , but ne're a Bed , A decent Matt there was indeed , Of Sheets or Rugg they had no need , Th' weather was insulting hot , And Fleas would vex where they would not Have 'em ; and so to mend the matter They drink about , and no words scatter . At last ( as if 't had been allotted ) The Squires ( 't was said ) were shrewdly potted , And sleep they must , then down on Mat They threw themselves , left Cloak and Hat ; But Subtle Quack , and 's crafty Crew Slept not , they 'd something else to do . By this time day began to peep , And fellows heard cry , Chimney sweep , Which serves as Clock to call up Bess , Harry , or Will , to mind Bus'nes , Especially the Kitchin-maid , To make fires that o're night she laid : In the mean while Quack was not idle ( Cunning as Horse had bit o th' Bridle : ) The Damsel ( one that would be thriving ) In the Squires Pockets fell to diving : Their Cloaks were packt up ' mongst the luggage , Thus Men are serv'd when they are sluggish : ) The Gates but newly open'd were , All things were husht , and Coast was clear , And so unseen they huddle out Into the Street , then wheel about , Some Minutes after folks 'gan rowze From Beds , and shew heads out of house , To be in readiness for Fair , Some to shew Tricks , some sell their Ware , And some to see , and some to buy , That in Purse had but a penny ; And now the Streets began to fill , While Knights and Squires lye dormant still , Regardless of their late mishap , Nor dreaming of an after clap . But as things strangely come to pass . So happen'd it with Hudibras ; Right underneath his Window , there Was plac'd a Shew , and Trumpeter , Who to intice the People in , Did make a most Prodigious din , And as the knack on 't is , another Did answer him , whom he call'd Brother , So that by Repercusions they Were got a Note beyond Ela , Eccho'd by others in the Fair , As though they meant to rend the air , This startl'd Hudibras , who flew ( Like Lightning ) out of Bed , and drew ( In shirt ) his Whynniard , what are we Betray'd ? Rise Brother Guill . quoth he ; Hark , the whole Town is up in Arms ; On every side we have Alarms , Let 's dye like Men , and not be slain In Bed , or like tame Pigeons ta'ne Out of our Roost , but dare the Foe , ●●ke Horse , and boldly ' mongst 'em go . Quoth then Sir Guill . this cannot be Our late defeated Enemy , For they securely sleep in house , As sure as Gournets do in sowse , ●● rather must be some old Plot Newly broak forth , say , is it not ? Quoth Hudibras , it may be so , ●et up , and we shall better know . Quoth then Sir Guill , this is a base , ( And to our side ) a cursed place ; Move not fighting so neer th' Water , Doubting the danger may come after . Quoth Hudibras , 't is but a sound , ●f born t' be hang'd , you 'l ne're be drown'd ; Besides , wee 'l make our peace with these Prisoners we have ; the Wench will please , That was well thought on , quoth Sir Guill , I will get up , I that I will. Where are our Squires , they come not near : Sure they are half struck dead with fear . The Chamberlain is call'd , to call The Squires , to bind the Prisoners all : Unwillingly they rise from Mats , And shake their heads like two drown'd Rats , They mist the Monsieur and his Mates , Their Cloaks and Hats too , scratch'd their Pate● For madness they should be serv'd so ; ( But there 's no truth in fawning Foe . ) After strict search th' Squires fell to weeping , Must we then pay so dear for sleeping ? Quoth they , th' worse luck : Oh thou she Fiend We thought thou wouldst have prov'd our friend Knights call'd above ( in fume no doubt ) To bring up boots , and be let out ; The Squires in haste thrust hands in Pockets ( Their Wits were quite out of the sockets ) To feel for Key , and misse their Money , Their Watches ( too ) oh C — C — How basely dost thou deal with Man ? ( But all the mischief that it can ) If ever we meet thee agen , For this trick we will shew thee ten : So up they went , in pitious plights , And told all to their Masters , Knights . How , how ( in rage ) quoth Hudibras , Durst they depart without my Pass ? Or bringing Medicine for my Corn , I 'le make 'em rue they e're were born , If I do find 'em ' mongst the Foe ; For forth I will , and forth I 'le goe . Ask Chamberlain if they have paid The Reck'ning , of which I 'm afraid : No Sir , quoth they , they ne're thought on 't , Our Cloaks and Hats too marcht upon 't , ( Money , nor Watches , durst not name , They better should have watcht the same . ) How , robb'd , and cheated too ( oh Gull ! ) This 't is to be so merciful , Quoth Hudibras , can none discry Where , and how strong 's the Enemy ? Quoth Squire ( one ) here is kept a Fair , To which all Comers welcome are , No greater Foe assure dly , Then Hobby-horse , and Puppet-try . The greatest Foe of all , and they Shall dearly for your losses pay , Quoth Hudibras ; among that Rout The others sculke , wee 'l find 'em out . First , there is shewn the deadly sins , Which with the Box keeper begins ; Jane Shores disgrace , and lamentation , ( A Concubine not now in fashion . ) Then David , and Uriah's Wife , And Doctor Faustus to the life ; With many trifles more , which do Allude unto Prophaneness too ; Abomination ' mongst 'em dwells , Of which I mean to rid their Cells , And clear the Streets of Superstition , And its Idolatrous condition . Then Knights mount Steeds , and at a word ( In one hand Pistol , t'other Sword ) The Squires on foot the Horse attend , ( The readier to find out false-friend . ) They star'd about , folk thought 'em mad , ( For neither Cloak nor Hat they had : ) As soon as they were got in Street , The People ran ( as it was meet ) And at next door their malice lights , ( Which lately had disturb'd the Knights . ) Quoth Hudibras , fall on , fall on , And spare not there a Mothers Son : At which the folk forsook the Sight , And left the Puppets in sad plight ; Some lost a Cloak , and some a Hat , Which to the Squires came very pat ; The Box with Money flew about , For which they were not grown so stout As not to stoop ; they thought on Quack , And then the Puppets went to wrack ; They cut what er'e they hit upon , Down comes the Tower of Babylon . Quoth Fellow , Pox upon you , Sir , For spoiling Nabuchadnezer , His Nose was cut out ill before , But now you have abus'd it more , How think you after this disgrace Hee 's able to look Beast in face ? They mind him not , but out they bring , As Captive bound , Babylons King : And in their havock grow more bold , They pull down Rag , which Story told , And as a Trophee bear 't before Sir Hudibras , and one Knight more , To wit , Sir Guill . so on they trot , With all the Pillage they had got , Greedy of more , but were prevented By Butchers stout , that Fair frequented , Who seeing Squires a quoyle to keep , And Men to run faster then Sheep , Quoth they ( to People ) what d' ye fear ? There 's neither Bull got loose , nor Bear , And will you seem to make escape From fencing fools , and Jack-a-nape On horse-back ? Clad in Coat of Plush ? Yet looks but like a Sloe on bush : Keep , keep your ground , wee 'l force 'em back , Or may — we never Money lack . Then out they Snap , and Towser call , Two cunning Currs , , that would not bawl , But slily fly at throat , or tail , And in their Course would seldome fail : The Butchers hoot , the Dogs fall on , The Horses kick , and wince , anon , Down comes spruce Valour to the ground , And both Sir Knights laid in a swound , They like stout Horsemen kept the Saddle , As long as ever they were able ; But such as Honour forward pricks . Must now and then expect Horse-tricks . The Squires with grief ran hom to Quarters To hang themselves , had they found Garters : Man should not trust to Fortune more Then to a Sodometick-Whore , Whose best of Actions are by night , So , as she 's blind , she hates the light . This Hudibras ( who not long since Did think himself a petty Prince ) Does sorely find , on sides and guts , ( Oh out upon such fickle Sluts . ) So out o th' Bowels of Compassion , Knights were led home in an odd fashion , Where we will leave 'em for Recovery , And then set forth a new Discovery . FINIS . The Printer to the Reader . THe Author having not time to attend the Press , some Mistakes have happened ( but not any very grosse ) which is desired , thou wilt either passe by , or amend with thy Pen. Farewell .