Iuuenilia or Certaine paradoxes and problemes, written by I. Donne Donne, John, 1572-1631. 1633 Approx. 61 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A20644 STC 7044 ESTC S109982 99845608 99845608 10517 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A20644) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 10517) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1377:05) Iuuenilia or Certaine paradoxes and problemes, written by I. Donne Donne, John, 1572-1631. The second edition, [4], 44 p. Printed by E[lizabeth] P[urslowe] for Henry Seyle, and are to be sold at the signe of the Tygers head, in St. Pauls Church-yard, London : anno Dom. 1633. Printer's name from STC. The first leaf is blank. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Questions and answers -- Early works to 1800. 2002-04 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-05 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-06 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2002-06 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-07 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion IVVENILIA OR CERTAINE PARADOXES AND PROBLEMES , WRITTEN BY I. DONNE . The second Edition , corrected . NOLI ALTVM SAP●●● LONDON , Printed by E.P. for Henry Seyle , and are to be sold at the signe of the Tygers head , in St. Pauls Church-yard , Anno Dom. 1633. PARADOXES . I. A Defence of Womens Inconstancy . II. That Women ought to paint . III. That by Discord things increase . IV. That Good is more common than Evill . V. That all things kill themselves . VI. That it is possible to find some vertue in some Women . VII . That Old men are more fantastike than Young. VIII . That Nature is our worst guide . IX . That onely Cowards dare dye . X. That a Wise man is known by much laughing . XI . That the gifts of the Body are better than those of the Minde . PARADOXES . I. A Defence of Womens Inconstancy . THat Women are Inconstant , I with any man confesse , but that Inconstancy is a bad quality , I against any man will maintaine : For every thing as it is one better than another , so is it fuller of change ; The Heavens themselves continually turne , the Starres move , the Moone changeth ; Fire whirleth , Ayre flyeth , Water ebbs and flowes , the face of the Earth altereth her lookes , time stayes not ; the Colour that is most light , will take most dyes : so in Men , they that have the most reason are the most inalterable in their designes , and the darkest or most ignorant , do seldomest change ; therefore Women changing more than Men , have also mor● Reason . They cannot be immutable like stockes , like stones , like the Earths dull Center , Gold that lyeth still , rusteth ; Water , corrupteth ; Aire that moveth not , poysoneth ; then why should that which is the perfection of other ●hings , be imputed to Women as greatest imperfection ? Because thereby they deceive men . Are not your wits pleased with those jests , which coozen your expectation ? You can call it Pleasure to be beguil'd in troubles , and in the most excellent toy in the world , you call it Treachery : I would you had your Mistresses so constant , that they would never change , no not so much as their smocks , then should you see what sluttish vertue , Constancy were . Inconstancy is a most commendable and cleanely quality , and Women in this quality are farre more absolute than the Heavens , than the Starres , Moone , or any thing beneath it ; for long observation hath pickt certainety out of their mutability . The Learned are so well acquainted with the Starres , Signes and Pla●ets , that they make them but Characters , to reade the meaning of the Heaven in his owne forehead . Every simple Fellow can bespeake the change of the Moone a great while before-hand : but I would faine have the learnedst man so skilfull , as to tell when the simplest Woman meaneth to varie . Learning affords no rules to know , much lesse knowledge to rule the minde of a Woman : For as Philosophy teacheth us , that Light things doe alwayes tend upwards , and heavy things decline downeward ; Experience teacheth us otherwise , that the disposition of a Light Woman , is to fall downe , the nature of Women being contrary to all Art and Nature . Women are like Flies , which feed among us at our Table , or Fleas sucking our very blood , who leave not our most retired places free from their familiarity , yet for all their fellowship will they never bee tamed nor commanded by us . Women are like the Sunne , which is violently carryed one way , yet hath a proper course contrary : so though they , by ●he mastery of some over-ruling chu●lish Husbands , are forced to his Byas , yet have they a motion of their owne , which their Husbands never know of . It is the nature of nice and fastidious mindes to know things onely to bee weary of them : Women by their flye changeablenesse , and pleasing doublenesse , prevent even the mislike of those , for they can never be so well knowne , but that there is still more unknowne . Every Woman is a Science ; for hee that plods upon a Woman all his life long , shall at length find himselfe short of the knowledge of her : they are borne to take downe the pride of wit , and ambition of wisedome , making fooles wise in the adventuring to winne them , wisemen fooles in conceit of losing their labours ; witty men starke mad , being confounded with their uncertaineties . Philosophers write against them for spight , not desert , that having attained to some knowledge in all other things , in them onely they know nothing , but are meerely ignorant : Active and Experienced men raile agai●st them , because they love in their livelesse and decrepit age , when all goodnesse leaves them . These envious Libellers ballad against them , because having nothing in themselves able to deserve their love , they maliciously discommend all they cannnot obtaine , thinking to make men beleeve they know much , because they are able to dispraise much , and rage against Inconstancy , when they were never admitted into so much favour as to be forsaken . In mine Opinion such men are happy that Women are Inconstant , for so may they chance to bee beloved of some excellent Women ( when it comes to their turne ) out of their Inconstancy and mutability , though not out of their owne desert . And what reason is there to clog any Woman with one Man , bee hee never so singular ? Women had rather , and it is farre better and more Iudiciall to enjoy all the vertues in severall Men , than but some of them in one , for otherwise they lose their taste , like divers sorts of meat minced together in one dish : and to have all excellencies in one Man ( if it were possible ) is Confusion and Diversity . Now who can deny , but such as are obstinately bent to undervalue their worth , are those that have not soule enough to comprehend their excellency , Women being the most excellentest Creatures , in that Man is able to subject all things else , and to grow wise in every thing , but still persists a foole in Woman ? The greatest Scholler , if hee once take a Wife , is found so unlearned , that he must begin his Horne-booke , and all is by Inconstancy . To conclude therefore ; this name of Inconstancy , which hath so much beene poysoned with slaunders , ought to bee changed into variety , for the which the world is so delightfull , and a Woman for that the most delightfull thing in this World. II. That Women ought to paint . FOulenesse is Lothsome : can that be so which helpes it ? who forbids his Beloved to gird in her waste ? to mend by shooing her uneven lamenesse ? to burnish her teeh ? or to perfume her breath ? yet that the Face bee more precisely regarded , it concernes more : For as open confessing sinners are alwaies punished , but the wary and concealing offenders without witnesse doe it also without punishment ; so the secret parts needs the lesse respect ; but of the Face , discovered to all Examinations and survayes , there is not too nice a Iealousie . Nor doth it onely draw the busie eyes , but it is subject to the divinest touch of all , to kissing , the strange and mysticall union of soules . If shee should prostitute her selfe to a more unworthy Man than thy selfe , how earnestly and justly wouldst thou exclaime ? that for want of this easier and ready way of repairing , to betray her body to ruine and deformity ( the tyrannous Ravishers , and sodaine D●flourers of all Women ) what a heynous Adultery is it ? What thou lovest in her face is colour , and painting gives that , but thou hatest it , not because it is , but because thou knowest it . Foole , whom ignorance makes happy , the Starres , the Sunne , the Skye whom thou admirest , alas , have no colour , but are faire , because they seeme to bee coloured : If this seeming will not satisfie thee in her , thou hast good assurance of her colour , when thou seest her lay it on . If her face bee painted on a Boord or Wall , thou wilt love it , and the Boord , and the Wall : Canst thou loath it then when it speakes , smiles , and kisses , because it is painted ? Are wee not more delighted with seeing Birds , Fruites , and Beasts painted then wee are with Naturalls ? And doe wee not with pleasure behold the painted shape of Monsters and Divels , whom true , wee durst not regard ? Wee repaire the ruines of our houses , but first cold tempests warnes us of it , and bytes us through it ; wee mend the wracke and staines of our Apparell , but first our eyes , and other bodies are offended ; but by this providence of Women , this is prevented . If in kissing or breathing upon her , the painting fall off , thou art angry , wilt thou be so , if it sticke on ? Thou didst love her , if thou beginnest to hate her , then 't is because shee is not painted . If thou wilt say now , thou didst hate her before , thou didst hate her and love her together , bee constant in something , and love her who shewes her great love to thee , in taking this paines to seeme lovely to thee . III. That by Discord things increase . Nullos esse Deos , inane Coelum Affirmat Coelius , probatque quod se Factum vidit , dum negat haec , beatum . SO I assevere this the more boldly , because while I maintaine it , and feele the Contrary repugnancies and adverse fightings of the Elements in my Body , my Body increaseth ; and whilst I differ from common opinions by this Discord , the number of my Paradoxes increaseth . All the rich benefits we can frame to our selves in Concord , is but an Even conservation of things ; in which Evennesse wee can expect no change , no motion ; therefore no increase or augmentation , which is a member of motion . And if this unity and peace can give increase to things , how mightily is discord and war to that purpose , which are indeed the onely ordinary Parents of peace . Discord is never so barren that it affords no fruit ; for the fall of one estate is at the worst the increaser of another , because it is as impossible to finde a discommodity without advantage , as to finde Corruption without Generation : But it is the Nature and Office of Concord to preserve onely , which property when it leaves , it differs from it selfe , which is the greatest discord of all . All Victories and Emperies gained by warre , and all Iudiciall decidings of doubts in peace , I doe claime children of Discord . And who can deny but Controversies in Religion are growne greater by discord , and not the Controversie , but Religion it selfe : For in a troubled misery Men are alwaies more Religious then in a secure peace . The number of good men , the onely charitable nourishers of Concord , wee see is thinne , and daily melts and waines ; but of bad discording it is infinite , and growes hourely . Wee are ascertained of all Disputable doubts , onely by arguing and differing in Opinion , and if formall disputation ( which is but a painted , counterfeit , and dissembled discord ) can worke us this benefit , what shall not a full and maine discord accomplish ? Truely me thinkes I owe a devotion , yea a sacrifice to discord , for casting that Ball upon Ida , and for all that businesse of Troy , whom ruin'd I admire more then Babylon , Rome , or Quinzay , removed Corners , not onely fulfilled with her fame , but with Cities and Thrones planted by her Fugitives . Lastly , between Cowardice and despaire , Valour is gendred ; and so the Discord of Extreames begets all vertues , but of the like things there is no issue without a miracle : Vxor pessima , pessimus maritus Miror tam mal● convenire . Hee wonders that betweene two so like , there could be any discord , yet perchance for all this discord there was nere the lesse increase . IV. That good is more common then evill . I Have not been so pittifully tired with any vanity , as with silly Old Mens exclaiming against these times , and extolling their owne : Alas ! they betray themselves , for if the times be changed , their manners have changed them . But their senses are to pleasures , as sick Mens tastes are to Liquors ; for indeed no new thing is done in the world , all things are what , and as they were , and Good is as ever it was , more plenteous , a●d must of necessity be more common then evill , because it hath this for nature and perfection to bee common . It makes Love to all Natures , all , all affect it . So that in the Worlds early Infancy , there was a time when nothing was evill , but if this World shall suffer dotage in the extreamest crookednesse thereof , there shall be no time when nothing shal be good . It dares appeare and spread , and glister in the World , but evill buries it selfe in night and darknesse , and is chastised and suppressed when good is cherished and rewarded . And as Imbroderers , Lapidaries , and other Artisans , can by all things adorne their workes ; for by adding better things , the better they shew in Lush and in Eminency ; so good doth not onely prostrate her amiablenesse to all , but refuses no end , no not of her utter contrary evill , that shee may bee the more common to us . For euill manners are parents of good Lawes ; and in every evill there is an excellency , which ( in common speech ) we call good . For the fashions of habits , for our moving in gestures , for phrases in our speech , we say they were good as long as they were used , that is , as long as they were common ; and wee eate , wee walke , onely when it is , or seemes good to doe so . All faire , all profitable , all vertuous , is good , and these three things I thinke embrace all things , but their utter contraries ; of which also faire may be rich and vertuous ; poore may bee vertuous and faire ; vitious may be faire and rich ; so that good hath this good meanes to be common , that some subjects she can possesse intirely ; and in subjects poysoned with evill , she can humbly stoop to accompany the evill . And of indifferent things many things are become perfectly good by being common , as customes by use are made binding Lawes . But I remember nothing that is therefore ill , because it is common , but Women , of whom also ; They that are most common , are the best of that Occupation they professe . V. That all things kill themselves . TO affect , yea to effect their owne death all living things are importuned , not by Nature only which perfects them , but by Art and Education , which perfects her . Plants quickened and inhabited by the most unworthy soule , which therefore neither will nor worke , affect an end , a perfection , a death ; this they spend their spirits to attaine , this attained , they languish and wither . And by how much more they are by mans Industry warmed , cherished , and pampered ; so much the more early they climbe to this perfection , this death . And if amongst Men not to defend be to kill , what a hainous selfe-murther is it , not to defend it selfe . This defence because Beasts neglect , they kill themselves , because they exceed us in number , strength , and a lawlesse liberty : yea , of Horses and other beasts , they that inherit most courage by being bred of gallantest parents , and by Artificial nursing are bettered , will runne to their owne deaths , neither sollicited by spurres which they need not , nor by honour which they apprehend not . If then the valiant kill himselfe , who can excuse the coward ? Or how shall Man bee free from this , since the first Man taught us this , except we cannot kill our selves , because he kill'd us all . Yet lest something should repaire this Common ruine , we daily kill our bodies with surfeits , and our mindes with anguishes . Of our powers , remembring kils our memory ; Of Affections , Lusting our lust ; Of vertues , Giving kils liberality . And if these kill themselves , they do it in their best & supreme perfection : for after perfection immediately follows excesse , which changeth the natures and the names , and makes them not the same things . If then the best things kill themselves soonest , ( for no affection endures , and all things labour to this perfection ) all travell to their owne death , yea the frame of the whole World , if it were possible for God to be idle , yet because it began , must dye . Then in this idlenesse imagined in God , what could kill the world but it selfe , since out of it , nothing is ? VI. That it is possible to find some vertue in some Women . I Am not of that seard Impudence that I dare defend Women , or pronounce them good ; yet we see Physitians allow some vertue in every poyson . Alas ! why should we except Women ? since certainely , they are good for Physicke at least , so as some mine is good for a feaver . And though they be the Occasioners of many sinnes , they are also the Punishers and Revengers of the same sinnes : For I have seldome seene one which consumes his substance and body upon them , escape diseases , or beggery ; and this is their Iustice . And if suum cuique dare , bee the fulfilling of all Civill Iustice , they are most just ; for they deny that which is theirs to no man. Tanquam non liceat nulla puella negat . And who may doubt of great wisdome in them , that doth but observe with how much labour and cunning our Iusticers and other dispensers of the Lawes study to imbrace them : and how zealously our Preachers dehort men from them , onely by urging their subtilties , and policies , and wisedome , which are in them ? Or who can deny them a good measure of Fortitude , if hee consider how valiant men they have overthrowne , and being themselves overthrowne , how much and how patiently they beare ? And though they bee most intemperate , I care not , for I undertooke to furnish them with some vertue , not with all . Necessity , which makes even bad things good , prevailes also for them , for wee must say of them , as of some sharpe pinching Lawes ; If men were free from infirmities , they were needlesse . These or none must serve for reasons , and it is my great happinesse that Examples prove not Rules , for to confirme this Opinion , the World yeelds not one Example . VII . That Old men are more fantastike then Young. WHO reads this Paradox but thinks mee more fantastike now , than I was yesterday , when I did not think thus : And if one day make this sensible change in men , what will the burthen of many yeeres ? To bee fantastike in young men is conceiptfull distemperature , and a witty madnesse ; but in old men , whose senses are withered , it becomes naturall , therefore more full and perfect . For as when wee sleepe our fancy is most strong ; so it is in age , which is a slumber of the deepe sleepe of death . They taxe us of Inconstancy , which in themselves young they allowed ; so that reprooving that which they did approove , their Inconstancy exceedeth ours , because they have changed once more then wee . Yea , they are more idlely busied in conceited apparell then wee ; for we , when we are melancholy , weare blacke ; when lusty , greene ; when forsaken , tawney ; pleasing our owne inward affections , leaving them to others indifferent ; but they prescribe lawes , and constraine the Noble , the Scholler , the Merchant , and all Estates to a certaine habit . The old men of our time have changed with patience their owne bodies , much of their lawes , much of their languages ; yea their Religion , yet they accuse us . To be Amorous is proper and naturall in a young man , but in an old man most fantastike . And that ridling humour of Iealousie , which seekes and would not finde , which requires and repents his knowledge , is in them most common , yet most fantastike . Yea , that which falls never in young men , is in them most fantastike and naturall , that is , Covetousness● ; even at their journeyes end to make great provision . Is any habit of young men so fantastike , as in the hottest seasons to be double-gowned or hooded like our Elders ? Or seemes it so ridiculous to weare long haire , as to weare none . Truely , as among the Philosophers , the Skeptike , which doubts all , was more contentious , then either the Dogmatike which affirmes , or Academike which denyes all ; so are these uncertaine Elders , which both cals them fantastike which follow others inventions , and them also which are led by their owne humorous suggestion , more fantastike then other . VIII . That Nature is our worst Guide . SHal she be guide to all Creatures , which is her selfe one ? Or if she also have a guide , shall any Creature have a better guide then wee ? The affections of lust and anger , yea even to erre is naturall ; shall we follow these ? Can shee be a good guide to us , which hath corrupted not us onely but her selfe ? Was not the first man , by the desire of knowledge , corrupted even in the whitest integrity of Nature ? And did not Nature ( if Nature did any thing ) infuse into him this desire of knowledge , and so this corruption in him , into us ? If by Nature wee shall understand our essence , our definition , or reason , noblenesse , then this being alike common to all ( the Idiot and the Wizard being equally reasonable ) why should not all men having equally all one nature , follow one course ? Or if we shall understand our inclinations ; alas ! how unable a guide is that which followes the temperature of our slimie bodies ? for we cannot say that we derive our incli●ations , our mindes , or soules from our Parents by any way : to say that it is all from all , is error in reason , for then with the first nothing remaines ; or is a part from all , is errour in experience , for then this part equally imparted to many children , would like Gavel-kind lands , in few generations become nothing ; or to say it by communication , is errour in Divinity , for to communicate the ability of communicating whole essence with any but God , is utter blasphemy . And if thou hit thy Fathers nature and inclination , he also had his Fathers , and so climbing up , all comes of one man , and have one nature , all shall imbrace one course ; but that cannot bee , therefore our complexions and whole bodies , wee inherit from Parents ; our inclinations and minds follow that : For our minde is heavy in our bodies afflictions , and rejoyceth in our bodies pleasure : how then shall this nature governe us , that is governed by the worst part of us ? Nature though oft chased away , it will retu●ne ; 't is true , but those good motions and inspirations which be our guides must bee ●ooed , courted , and welcomed , or else they abandon us . And that old Axiome , nihil invita , &c. must not be said thou shalt , but thou wilt doe nothing against Nature ; so unwilling he notes us to curbe our naturall appetites . Wee call our bastards alwayes our naturall issue , and we define a Foole by nothing so ordinary , as by the name of naturall . And that poore knowledge whereby we conceive what raine is , what wind , what thunder , wee call Metaphysicke , supernaturall ; such small things , such no things doe we allow to our pliant Natures apprehension . Lastly , by following her , we lose the pleasant , and lawfull commodities of this life , for wee shall drinke water and eate rootes , and those not sweet and delicate , as now by Mans art and industry they are made : we shall lose all the necessities of societies , lawes , arts , and sciences , which are all the workemanship of Man : yea we shall lack the last best refuge of misery , death ● because no death is naturall : for if yee will not dare to call all death violent ( though I see not why sicknesses be not violences ) yet causes of all deaths proceed of the defect of that which nature made perfect , and would preserve , and therefore all against nature . IX . That only Cowards dare dye . EXtreames are equally removed from the meane ; so that headlong desperatenesse asmuch offends true valour , as backward Cowardice : of which sort I reckon justly all un-inforced deaths . When will your valiant man dye of necessity ? so Cowards suffer what cannot be avoided : and to runne into death unimportun'd , is to runne into the first condemned desperatenesse . Will he dye when he is rich and happy ? then by living he may doe more good : and in afflictions and miseries , death is the chosen refuge of Cowards . Fortiter ille facit , qui miser esse potest . But it is taught and practised among our Gallants , that rather than our reputations suffer any m●ime , or we any misery , wee shall offer our brests to the Cannons mouth , yea to our swords points : And this seemes a very brave and a very climbing ( which is a Cowardly , earthly , and indeed a very groveling ) spirit . Why doe they chaine these slaves to the Gallyes , but that they thrust their deaths , and would at every loose leape into the sea ? Why doe they take weapons from condemned men , but to barre them of that ease which Cowards affect , a speedy death . Truely this life is a tempest , and a warfare , and he which dares dye , to escape the anguish of it , seems to mee , but so valiant , as hee which dares hang himselfe , lest hee be prest to the warres . I have seene one in that extremity of melancholy , which was then become madnesse , to make his owne breath an Instrument to stay his breath , and labour to choake himselfe● but alas ! he was mad . And we knew another that languished under the oppression of a poore disgrace so much , that hee tooke more paines to dye , then would have served to have nourished life and spirit enough to have out-lived his disgrace . What Foole will call this Cowardlinesse , Valour ? or this Basenesse , Humility ? And lastly , of these men which dye the Allegoricall death of entring into Religion , how few are found fit for any shew of valiancy ? but onely a soft and supple metall , made onely fo● Cowardly solitarinesse . X. That a Wise Man is knowne by much laughing . RIde , si sapis , ô puella ride ; If thou beest wise , laugh : for since the powers of discourse , reason , and laughter , bee equally proper unto Man onely , why shall not hee be onely most wise , which hath most use of laughing , aswell as he which hath most of reasoning and discoursing ? I alwaies did , and shall understand that Adage ; Per risum multum possis cognoscere stultum , That by much laughing thou maist know there is a foole , not , that the laughers are fooles , but that among them there is some foole , at whom wisem●n laugh : which moved Erasmus to put this as his first Argument in the mouth of his Folly , that shee made Beholders laugh : for fooles are the most laughed at , and laugh the least themselves of any . And Nature saw this faculty to bee so necessary in man , that shee hath beene content that by more causes we should be importuned to laugh , then to the exercise of any other power ; for things in themselves utterly contra●y , beget this effect ; for wee laugh both at witty and absurd things : At both which sorts I have seen Men laugh so long , and so earnestly , that at last they have wept that they could laugh no more . And therfore the Poet having described the quietnesse of a wise retired man , saith in one , what w●●ave said before in many lines ; Quid facit Canius tuus ? ridet . We have received that even the extremity of laughing , yea of weeping also , hath beene accounted wisedome : And that Democritus and Heraclitus , the lovers of these Extremes , have been called lovers of wisedome . Now among our wisemen I doubt not , but many would be found who would laugh at Heraclitus weeping , none which weepe at Democritus laughing . At the hearing of Comedies or other witty reports , I have noted some , which not understanding ●ests &c. have yet chosen this as the best meanes to seeme wise and understandiug , to laugh when their Companions laugh ; and I have presumed them ignorant , whom I have seene unmoved . A foole if he come into a Princes Court , and see a gay man leaning at the wall , so glistering , and so painted in many colours that he is hardly discerned from one of the pictures in the Arras , hanging his body like an Iron-bound-chest , girt in and thicke ribb'd with broad gold laces , may ( and commonly doth ) envy him . But alas ! shall a wiseman , which may not onely not envy , but not pitty this monster , do nothing ? Yes , let him laugh . And if one of these hot cholerike firebrands , which nourish themselves by quarrelling , and kindling others , spit upon a foole one sparke of disgrace , he , like a that ●h● house quickly burning , may bee angry ; but the wiseman , as cold as the Salamander , may not onely not be angry with him , but not be sorry for him ; therefore let him laugh : so he shall be knowne a Man , because he can laugh , a wise Man that hee knowes at what to laugh● and a valiant Man that he dares laugh : for he that laughs is justly reputed more wise , then at whom it is laughed . And hence I thinke proceeds that which in these later formall times I have much noted ; that now when our superstitious civility of manners is become a mutuall tickling flattery of one another , almost every man affecteth an humour of jesting , and is content to be de●ect , and to deforme himselfe , yea become foole to no other end that I can spie , but to give his wise Companion occasion to laugh ; and to shew themselves in promptnesse of laughing is so great in wisemen , that I thinke all wisemen , if any wiseman do reade this Paradox , will laugh both at it and me . XI . That the gifts of the Body are better then those of the Minde . I Say againe , that the body makes the minde , not that it created it a minde , but formes it a good or a bad mind ; and this minde may be confounded with soule without any violence or injustice to Reason or Philosophy : then the soule it seemes is enabled by our body , not this by it . My Body licenseth my soule to see the Worlds beauties through mine eyes ; to heare pleasant things through mine eares ; and affords it apt Organs for the conveiance of all perceivable del●ght . But alas ! my soule cannot make any part , that is not of it selfe disposed , to see or heare , though without doubt she be as able and as willing to see behind as before . Now if my soule would say , that shee enables any part to taste these pleasures , but is her selfe onely delighted with those rich sweetnesses which her in●ard eyes and senses apprehend , shee should dissemble ; for I see her often solaced with beauties , which shee sees through mine eyes , and with musicke which through mine eares she heares . This perfection then my body hath , that it can impart to my minde all his pleasures ; and my minde hath still many , that she can neither ●each my indisposed part her faculties , nor to the best espoused parts shew ●t beauty of Angels , of Musicke , of Spheres , whereof she boasts the contemplation . Are chastity , temperance , and fortitude gifts of the mind ? I appeale to Physitians whether the cause of these be not in the body ; health is the gift of the body , and patience in sickenesse the gift of the minde : then who will say that patience is as good a happinesse , as health , when wee must be extremely miserable to purchase this happinesse . And for nourishing of civill societies and mutuall love amongst men , which is our chiefe end while wee are men ; I say , this beauty , presence , and proportion of the body , hath a more masculine force in begetting this love , then the vertues of the minde : for it strikes us suddenly , and possesseth us immoderately ; when to know those vertues requires some Iudgement in him which shall discerne , a long time and conversation betweene them . And even at last how much of our faith and beleefe shall we be driven to bestow , to assure our selves that these vertues are not counterfeited : for it is the same to be , and seeme vertuous , because that he that hath no vertue , can dissemble none , but he which hath a little , may gild and enamell , yea and transforme much vice into vertue : For allow a man to be discreet and flexible to complaints , which are great vertuous gifts of the minde , this discretion will be to him the soule & Elixir of all vertues , so that touched with this , even pride shal be made humility ; and Cowardice , honourable and wise valour . But in things seene there is not this danger , for the body which thou lovest and esteemest faire , is faire ; certainely if it bee not faire in perfection , yet it is faire in the same degree that thy Iudgement is good . And in a faire body , I doe seldome suspect a disproportioned minde , and as seldome hope for a good in a deformed . When I see a goodly house , I assure my selfe of a worthy possessour , from a ruinous weather-beaten building I turn away , because it seems either stuffed with varlets as a Prison , or handled by an unworthy and negligent tenant , that so suffers the waste thereof . And truely the gifts of Fortune , which are riches , are onely handmaids , yea Pandars of the bodies pleasure ; with their service we nourish health , and preserve dainty , and wee buy delights ; so that vertue which must be loved for it selfe , and respects no further end , is indeed nothing : And riches , whose end is the good of the body , cannot be so perfectly good , as the end whereto it levels . CERTAINE PROBLEMES WRITTEN BY I. DONNE . THE PROBLEMES . I. Why have Bastards b●st Fortune ? II Why Puritans make long S●rmons ? III. Why did the Devill reserve Iesuites till these la●ter dayes . IV. Why is there more variety of Green , then of any other colour ? V. Why doe Young Lay-men so much study Divinity ? VI Why hath the common Opinion afforded Women Soules ? VII Why are the Fairest , falsest VIII● Why Venus star only doth cast a shadow ? IX . Why is Venus Starre Multinominous , called both Hesperus and Vesper . X. Why are new Officers least oppressing ? PROBLEMES , I. Why have Bastards best Fortune ? BEcause Fortune herselfe is a Whore , but such are not most indulgent to their issue ; the old naturall reason ( but those meetings in stolne love are most vehement , and so contribute more spirit then the easie and lawfull ) might governe me , but that now I see Mistresses are become dome●tike and in ordinary , and they and wives waite but by turnes , and agree aswell as they had lived in the Arke . The old Morall reason ( that Bastards inherit wickednesse from their Parents , and so are i● a better way to preferment by having a stocke before-hand , then those that build all their fortune upon the poore and weake stocke of Originall sinne ) might prevaile with me , but that since wee are fallen into such times , as now the world might spare the Divell , because she could be bad enough without him . I see men scorne to be wicked by example , or to bee beholding to others for their damnation . It seems reasonable , that since Lawes rob them of succession in civill benefits , they should have something else equivalent . As Nature ( which is Lawes patterne ) having denyed Women Constancy to one , hath provided them with cunning to allure many ; and so Basta●ds de jure should have better wits and experience . But besides that by experience we see many fooles amongst them , wee should take from them one of their chiefest helpes to preferment , and we should deny them to be fools ; and ( that which is onely left ) that W●men chuse worthier men then their husbands , is false de facto ● either then it must bee that the Church having removed them from all place in the publike Service of God , they have better meanes then others to be wicked , and so fortunate : Or else because the two greatest powers in this world , the Divell and Princes concurre to their greatnesse ● the one giving bastardy , the other legitimation : As nature frames and conserves great bodies of contraries . Or the cause is , because they abound most at Court , which is the forge where fortunes are made , or at least the shop where th●y be sold. II. Why Puritanes make long Sermons ? IT needs not for perspicuousnesse , for God knowes they are plain enough : nor doe all of them use Sem-briefe-Accents for some of them have crotchets enough . It may bee they intend not to rise like glorious Tapers and Torches , but like Thinne-wretched-sicke-watching-Candles , which languish and are in a Divine Consumption from the first minute , yea in their snuffe , and stink when others are in their more profitable glory . I have thought sometimes , that out of conscience , they allow long measure to course ware . And sometimes , that usurping in that place a liberty to speak freely of Kings , they would raigne as long as they could . But now I thinke they doe it out of a zealous imagination , that , It is their duty to preach ●n till their Auditory wake . III. Why did the Divel reserve Iesuites till these latter dayes . DID he know that our Age would deny the Devils possessing , and therfore provided by these to possesse men and kingdomes ? Or to end the disputation of Schoolemen , why the Divell could not make lice in Egypt ; and whether those things hee presented there , might be true , hath he sent us a true and reall plague , worse than those ten ? Or in ostentation of the greatnesse of his Kingdome , which even division cannot shake , doth he send us these which disagree with all the rest ? Or knowing that our times should discover the Indies , and abolish their Idolatry , doth he send these to give them another for it ? Or peradventure they have beene in the Roman Church these thousand yeeres , though we have called them by other names . IV. Why is there more variety of Green then of other Colours ? IT is because it is the figure of Youth wher●n nature wuld provide as many green , as youth hath affections ; and so present a Sea-green for profuse masters in voyages ; a Grasse-green for sudden new men enobled f●om Gra●●ers ; and a Goose-greene for such Polititians as pretend to preserve the Capitol . Or ●lse Prophetically foreseeing an age , wherein they shall all hunt . And for such as misdemeane themselves a Willow-greene ; For Magistrates must aswell have Fasces born before them to chastize the small offences , as Secures to cut off the great . V. Why doe young Lay-men so much study Divinity . IS it because others tending busily Churches preferment neglect study ? Or had the Church of Rome s●ut up all our wayes , till the Lutherans broke downe their uttermost stubborne doores , and the Calvinists picked their inwardest and subtlest lockes ? Surely the Devill cannot be such a Foole to hope that he shall make this study contemptible , by making it common . Nor that as the Dwellers by the River Origus are said ( by drawing infinite ditches to sprinkle their barren Country ) to have exhausted and intercepted their maine channell , and so lost their more profitable course to the sea ; so we , by providing every ones selfe , divinity enough for his own use , should neglect our Teachers and Fathers . Hee cannot hope for better heresies then hee hath had , nor was his Kingdome ever so much advanced by debating Religion ( though with some aspersions of Error ) as by a dull and stupid security , in which many grose things are swallowed . Possible out of such an ambition as we have now , to speake plainely and fellow-like with Lords and Kings , wee thinke also to acquaint our selves with Gods secrets : Or perchance when we study it by mingling humane respects , It is not Divinity . VI. Why hath the common Opinion afforded Women Soules ? IT is agreed that wee have not so much from them as any part of either our mortall soules of sense , or growth ; and we deny soules to others equal to them in all but in speech for which they are beholding to their bodily instruments : For perchance an Oxes heart , or a Goates , or a Foxes , or a Serpents would speake just so , if it were in the breast , and could move that tongue and jawes . Have they so many advantages and meanes to hurt us ( for , ever their loving destroyed us ) that we dare not displease them , but give them what they will ? And so when some call them Angels , some Goddesses , and the P●lpulian Heretikes made them Bishops , wee descend so much with the streame , to allow them soules ? Or doe we somewhat ( in this dignifying of them ) flatter Princes and great Personages that are so much governed by them ? Or do we in that easinesse and prodigality , wherein we daily lose our owne soules to we care not whom , so labour to perswade our selves , that sith a woman hath a soule , a soule is no great matter ? Or doe wee lend them soules but for use , since they for our sakes , give their soules againe , and their bodies to boote ? Or perchance because the Deuill ( who is all soule ) doth most mischiefe , and for convenience and proportion , because they would come neerer him , wee allow them some soules ; and so as the Romanes naturalized some Provinces in revenge , and made them Romans , onely for the burthen of the Common-wealth ; so we have given women soules onely to make them capable of damnation ? VII . Why are the Fairest , Falsest ? I Meane not of false Alchimy Beauty , for then the question should be inverted , Why are the Falsest , Fairest ? It is not onely because they are much solicited and sought for , so is gold , yet it is not so common ; and this suite to them , should teach them their value , and make them more reserved . Nor is it because the delicatest blood hath the best spirits , for what is that to the flesh ? perchance such constitutions have the best wits , and there is no proportionable subject , for Womens wit , but deceipt ? doth the minde so follow the temperature of the body , that because those complexions are aptest to change , the mind is therefore so ? Or as Bells of the purest metall retaine their tinkling and sound largest ; so the memory of the last pleas●re lasts longer in these , and disposeth them to the next . But sure it is not in the complexion , for those that doe but thinke themselves faire , are presently inclined to this multiplicity of loves , which being but faire in conceipt are false in deed : and so perchance when they are borne to this beauty , or have made it , or have dream'd it , they easily beleeve all addresses and applications of every man , out of a sense of their owne worthinesse to bee directed to them , which others lesse worthy in their owne thoughts apprehend not , or discredit . But I thinke the true reason is , that being like gold in many properties ( as that all snatch at them , but the worst possesse them , that they care not how deepe we dig for them , and that by the Law o● 〈◊〉 , Occupandi conceditur ) they would be like also in this , that as Gold to make it selfe of use admits allay , so they , that they may bee tractable , mutable , and currant , have to their allay Falshood . VIII . Why Venus-starre onely doth cast a shadow ? IS it because it is neerer the earth ? But they whose profession it is to see that nothing be done in heaven without their consent ( as Re — saies in himselfe of Astrologers ) have bid Mercury to be neerer . Is it because the workes of Venus want shadowing , covering , and disguising ? But those of Mercury need it more ; for Eloquence , his Occupation , is all shadow and colours ; let our life bee a sea , and then our reason and even passions are winde enough to carry us whether we should goe , but Eloquence is a storme and tempest that miscarries : and who doubts that Eloquence which must perswade people to take a yoke of soveraignty ( and then beg and make lawes to tye them faster , and then give money to the invention , repaire and strengthen it ) needs more shadowes and colouring , then to perswade any Man or Woman to that which is naturall . And Venus markets are so naturall , that when we solicite the best way ( which is by marriage ) our perswasions worke not so much to draw a woman to us , as against her nature to draw her from all other besides . And so when we go against nature , and from Venus-work ( for marriage is chastity ) we need shadowes and colours , but not else . In Seneca's time it was a course , an un-Romane and a contemptible thing even in a Matrone , not to have had a Love beside her husband , which though the Law required not at their hands , yet they did it zealously out of the counsell of custome and fashion , which was venery of supererogation : Et te spectator plusquam delectat Adulter , saith Martial : And Horace , because many lights would not shew him enough , created many Images of the same Object by ●ainscoting his chamber with looking-glasses : so that Veuus flies no● light , so much as Mercury , who creeping into our understanding , our darkenesse would be defeated , if he were perceived . Then either this shadow confesseth that same darke Melancholy Repentance which accompanies ; or that so violent fires , needs some shadowy refreshing , and intermission : Or else light signifying both day and youth , and shadow both night and age , she pronounceth by this that she professeth both all persons and times . IX . Why is Venus-star multinominous , called both Hesperus and Vesper ? THe Moone hath as many names , but not as she is a starre , but as shee hath divers governments ; but Venus is multinominous to give example to her prostitute disciples , who so often , either to renew or refresh themselves towards lovers , or to disguise themselves from Magistrates , are to take new names . It may bee she takes new names after her many functions , for as she is supreme Monarch of all Sunnes at large ( which is lust ) so is she joyned in commission with all Mythologicks , with Iuno , Diana , and all others for marriage . It may be because of the divers names to her selfe , for her affections have more names than any vice : scilicet ; Pollution , Fornication , Adultery , Lay-Incest , Church-Incest , Rape , Sodomy , Mastupration , Masturbation , and a thousand others . Perchance her divers names shewed her appliablenesse to divers men , for Neptune distilled and wet her in love , the Sunne warmes and melts her● Mercury perswaded and swore her , Iupiters authority secured , and Vulcan hammer'd her . As Hesperus she presents you with her bonum utile , because it is wholesomest in the morning : As Vesper with her bonum delectabile , because it is pleasantest in the evening . And because industrious men rise and indure with the Sunne in their civill businesses , this Starre calls them up a little before , and remembers them againe a little after for her businesse ; for certainely , Venit Hesperus , ite capellae : was spoken to Lovers in the persons of Goates . X. Why are New Officers least oppressing ? MVst the old Proverbe , that Old dogs bite sorest , be true in all kinde of dogs ? Me thinkes the fresh memory they have of the mony they parted with for the place , should hasten them for the re-imbursing : And perchance they doe but seeme easier to their suiters ; who ( as all other Patients ) doe account all change of paine , easie . But if it bee so , it is either because the sodain sense & contentment of the honor of the place , retards and remits the rage of their profits , and so having stayed their stomackes , they can forbeare the second course a while : Or having overcome the steepest part of the hill , and clambered above Competitions and Oppositions they dare loyter , and take breath : Perchance being come from places , where they tasted no gaine , a little seemes much to them at first , for it is long before a Christian conscience overtakes , or straies into an Officers heart . It may be that out of the generall disease of all men not to love the memory of a predecessor , they seeke to disgrace them by such ea●inesse , and make good first impressions , that so having drawen much wa●er ●o their Mill , they may a●terwa●●s grind at ease : For if from the rules of good Ho●se-manship , they thought it wholesome to jet out in a moderate pace , th●y should also take up towards their journeys end , not mend ●heir pace con●inually , and g●llop ●o their Innes-doore , the grave ; except perchance their conscience at that time so touch them , that they thinke it an injury and damage both to him that must sell , and to him that must buy the Office after their death , and a kind of dilapidation if they by continuing honest should discredit the place , and bring it to a l●●er-rent , or vnder-vaine . FINIS .