Horse-flesh for the Observator being a comment upon Gusman, ch. 4, v. 5 held forth at Sam's Coffee-House / by T.D.B.D. chaplain to the Inferiour clergies guide. Phillips, John, 1631-1706. 1682 Approx. 32 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 7 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A54761 Wing P2084 ESTC R1623 11876288 ocm 11876288 50261 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A54761) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 50261) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 505:7) Horse-flesh for the Observator being a comment upon Gusman, ch. 4, v. 5 held forth at Sam's Coffee-House / by T.D.B.D. chaplain to the Inferiour clergies guide. Phillips, John, 1631-1706. [2], 13 p. Printed for R. Read, London : 1682. "'The minor clergy' ... is said to have thronged Sam's Coffee-House ... to listen to L'Estrange"--DNB. A reply to accusations made against Miles Prance in Sir Roger L'Estrange's newspaper "The Observator." Cf. BM. Reproduction of original in the University of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign Campus). Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng L'Estrange, Roger, -- Sir, 1616-1704. -- Observator. Prance, Miles, fl. 1678-1689. 2002-09 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-11 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-01 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2003-01 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Horse-Flesh FOR THE OBSERVATOR . GUSMAN , Chap. 4. Ver. 5. And this is the Reason why ye shall not believe Him , for that he made Brass Screws to an Antipendium . My Beloved , YOU are not to be angry or displeased to see me read every Word of this my Discourse , it being a fine , easie , lazy way , that we have not long since brought into fashion , to save the labour of Conning . Mankind is by Nature generally addicted to Idleness : So that the greatest part of the Worlds Inhabitants , that complain of the Shortness of Life , hardly know what to do with the third part of their Time. This is that which fills the Taverns , Ale-houses , and Coffee-houses ; and this is that Feneant and Scorbutick Humour that has infected Us , that we had rather loiter away our time over Tea , or Turkish Liquor , than trouble our Studies , or exercise our Patiences , to get our Sermons without-book . We had rather feed the People with Homilies , compos'd of a few raptim Expressions , as hastily committed to Writing , than lose the sweet and charming Society of our Admired GUIDE . O That Man , my Beloved , That Man , That Man ! He is the Man ; Ho Anthropos . I 'le tell you , my Beloved , I have a Project in my Head ; and if it don't take , 't is your fault : If you will chuse me to be your Parson , I will undertake to read to you one of This Man's Observators every Sunday , and Expound upon it . Never fear it , my Beloved , he has and will write enow to serve Us as long as we live : to tell you the Truth , he squitters Observators . There you shall hear the rarest Things ! — Things , my Beloved ! — Such Things that put my Invention to a stand for Expression to blazon their indelible Character . For , Do you admire Flash and Fury , as I well know you do ? There you shall have it . Do you admire the most confounded Impertinence that was ever made publick to the World ? There you shall have it . Would you know how to Govern the State ? There you may find out the Knack . Would you understand how to Govern the Church ? There 's your Director and Guide . Moreover , my Beloved , there you shall find great Discoveries , monstrous Discoveries , Disclosures , almost past belief , of deep Secrets , profound Mysteries , the hidden Arcana of Screws and Antipendiums . Screws and Antipendiums ! Iesu Maria , you 'll say ! What are those ? Why , my Beloved , they are Screws and Antipendiums . The Egyptian Hieroglyphicks , or the Cabala of the Hebrews never contain'd such abstruse , close obscure Significations as are wrapp'd up in those Words . And thus , according to custom , I am coming , with much ado , to the Point . And a notable Point it is ; a Point not to be spurn'd , as the Boys do ; but a Point of Reason , a Point of Reason not to be question'd , a Point of Reason not to be doubted , a lasting Point , a fashionable Point ; All the Point Venize's and Point Lorrains i' th' World are nothing to this Point . Well then , but what is this Point ? Why the Point is this : And this is the Reason why ye shall not believe him . What is the Reason ? Why this is the Reason ; not a Womans Reason , Because ye shall not believe him ; but , Because he made Brass Screws to an Antipendium . Not because he exceeded Judas in Treachery , Iulian the Apostate in Irreligion , Tiberius in Dissimulation , and Belzebub himself for Lying ; but , O most Celestial Reason , never heard of before ! Because he made Brass Screws to the Antipendium . So then , my Beloved , here are two things i' my Text ; A Man that is not to be believed , and the Reason why . Ye shall not believe him ; there 's the Advice or Admonition : Then follows the Reason in Order , For that he made Brass Screws to an Antipendium . Thus ye find the Person in the Word Him : for do but decline the Word , and ye have him presently ; as for Example , Nominativo , He ; Genitivo , Of Him ; Dativo , To Him ; Accusativo , HIM . There he is , proper in the Accusative Case : For this Him is accus'd to be that He that made the Brass Screws . Shall I open the Words more particularly ? Come on then . — Ye , that is , all ye that admire The Man , Ton Anthropon ; Ye that believe that all he writes is other than the meer 〈…〉 Chiens , or Dogs-brabling ; other than the Impertinent Flashes of Fury and Revenge , or else the Grateful Acknowledgments of Tavern-Adoration , while he blesses himself to be the aged Thamuz of two or three Red-twisted Clubs ; All ye , I say , shall not , no not for your Ears , that is , as you tender the loss of his Favour , which is not worth a Straw ; as you tender the Lashes of his Pen , that are not worth a Rush ; All Ye , I say , shall not believe , that is , Ye shall give no more credit , than a Roman Catholick would to a Heretick , tho he speak never so true , tho he has been already believed by his Prince and Chief Counsellors ; yet ye shall give no credit to Him , that is , to that Person , whoever he be , that swears he has seen the Observator at Mass in the Queens Chappel : for this Nettles him to the Quick ; a Nest of Gad-bees is not more terrible at Midsummer to a gall'd Horses Back . It makes him yerk , and kick , and fling , and low and bellow like Iupiter's Mistress in the shape of a Heifer , with Iuno's amorous itch in her Tail. Now these are the Effects of touching the Copyhold of our Admired Guide : but wo worth him that touch'd it ; for the Law of the Meads and Persians is gone forth , Ye shall not believe Him. But notwithstanding this severe Edict , you 'll say , Why may not we believe him if we please ? He discover'd the Murder of Sir Edmondbury Godfrey , and was believed . He was also farther believ'd , notwithstanding the Address of Thomson's Managers , and the great Lists your ador'd Conductor gave them , to the Shame and Ignominy of those that sought to blemish his Reputation . Why then shall not we believe him ? Oh! my Beloved , there is a Reason for that , such a Reason as all the Sorbonne Doctors could not have studied a better . Our Conductor is a Person that has a Head not so big perhaps as an Elephant ; but had he had the Brains of an Elephant , a Camel , a Whale , and the Ethiopian Hippopotamos , all united tagether in one Scull , he could not have found out a more notable piece of substantial Reason , than he has done with that lesser Pericranium of his , Because He made certain Brass Screws for an Antipendium . Now , my Beloved , to make you understand these Words aright , I must go a preposterous way to work , in regard I must set the Cart before the Horse , by a certain Greek Figure called Hysteron Proteron ; that is , I must tell ye what an Antipendium is , what the Brass Screws are , then who made them , and upon what account . I must confess , Our Conductor has made more noise in the World with these Screws , than ever Vulcan and all his Cyclops made at the framing of Achilles's Armour : Come into S — 's Coffee-house , there was nothing but a confus'd noise of Brass and Screws , and Screws , and Brass Screws . Antra Aetnaea tonant , striduntque Cavernis Stricturae Chalybum — You would have sworn you had been in the Halting Deity 's Work-house , with his Journey-men Brontes and Steropes , and Brawny Pyracmon . And what was all this for , but to prove that there was a Reason why the certain He was not to be believed ? So that whatever was the proper Use of the Screws , Our so admired Guide intended them for another Use , which was , to have trepann'd the soft Noddles of the Vulgar into a belief of his fabulous Contrivance . But now leaving the Screws a while , let us return to the Antependium , alias Antependulum , corruptly Antipendium , which derives its Being from two Latin Words , Ante , Before ; and Pendere , To hang : And these two Words copulating together , have produced a kind of Mongrel Monstrosity , called Antependulum , or Antependium , vulgarly Antipendium , that is to say , Something hanging before . Now there are so many things that hang before , that I am afraid we shall be a great while upon the scent , before we find out this proper Antipendium , for so we will henceforth call it , for brevities sake . We find , in the Learned Petronius Arbiter , that there are some Men that carry your Antipendiums in their Breeches . These are , as the same Author says , your Lumborum solutorum viri , the Impotent and the aged . A sort of People generally contemn'd by the Female Sex , and therefore most commonly Cornuted ; that is to say , because they have onely Antipendiums in their Breeches , they are forced to carry Antestandiums in their Foreheads . Of these Antipendiums Iuvenal gives ye an Account in these Words ; Et quamvis tota palpetur nocte jacebit : And therefore ( saith Petronius ) the Persons who are so unfortunate , are In Capricorno Erumnosi , quibus prae mala sua ( sorte ) Cor●●a nascuntur . For this Reason I shall cease to speak any more of these sort of Antipendiums . Onely , my Beloved , I shall give you this advice , That you keep your Antipendiums out of harms way . There are some Persons ( a thing too common now a days ) who are very careless of their Antipendiums : And what becomes of 'em then ? Why , many times they lose their Antipendiums , for want of Brass Screws , that is to say , firm , sound , lasting Screws , not such rotten , foul , infected Screws as they made use of . Therefore , say I , keep your Antipendiums out of harms way . There are another sort of Antipendiums , so called because they hang before all the World. Of this kind was that same Crucified Thief that was stoln by night from the Roman Soldier ; but the Cross was presently supplied again by the chast and vertuous Ephesian Matron , with the Corps of her five-days-deplored Husband . Malo mortuum ( quoth the chaste Matron ) impendere , quam vivum occidere . The Soldier ( saith the Text ) nec deformis nec infacundus Iuvenis castae videbatur , was neither deformed nor unpleasing Society to the Chast Matron . And then again , her Maid , the Companion of her Complaints , ( hoping to come in for a Share , as she did ) came over her with an irresistible piece of Perswasion , — Placito ne etiam pugnabis Amori ? And so the good Lady yielded at last , for the sake of the Soldiers Antipendulum , to surrender the long-bewailed , dear , dead Corps of her Hu●band , to be an Antipendium among Rogues and Thieves , rather than the Kind Soldier , that had prolongued her days , should suffer . In the same manner you shall observe several Antipendiums of this nature , upon the Roads of England : particularly three between Istington and Hatfield , who may be also called Antipendiums in time , because they were hang'd before them that were hang'd after ' em . Thus Staley was an Antipendium to Coleman , Coleman an Antipendium to Grove and Pickering . Then you might have beheld three more Antipendiums , Hill , Green , and B●rry , who were Antipendiums in respect of Whitebread and his Brethren . And lastly , Thompson and Farwell were another sort of Antipendiums to Westminster-Hall . Well , my Beloved , 't is pity that Man was not made as Momus would have had him made , that is , with Windows in his Breast : For I am perswaded , could you see into our dear Conductor's Heart , you would there discover a most violent Antipathy against the Person Him in my Text , and a whole Rosarie of earnest Wishes , that he might live to see Him made an Antipendium among the rest ; nay , you might see another Result of his Mind , that he would not spare for the Expences of half a dozen Half●●eets Salarie , for a pair of excellent Brass Screws , to fasten Him to the Gib●t . And I give this Reason for what I say ; For that Person , who having an Enmity against another , cannot Coach it by his Door , but he must lill out his Tongue at him , shews a vast heat of Malice and passionate Fury in his Bowels , take it which way you please , either like one of Lucan's Menippus's , or , according to the natural Custom of Birds and Beasts in hot Weather . 'T is an ill Sign that the same Maligning Person , sitting in the same Church , at the same Service of God , over against the Maligned Him , should be so unable to temper his Charity in the sight of God , that he could not refrain from a Cough of Derision , like the Calling of Quails , or the Iugging of Partridges , to waken his drowsie Friends to a particular notice of the Rehearsal of the Ninth Commandment ; as if the Timing of his Phlegmatick Hem — Hems — so particularly concerned his Opposite Him , that all the rest of the Church were presently bound to look up , and stare , upon his Phthysical Alarms . Whereas , in truth , the Breach of the Commandment lies upou our dear Conductor's side , to accuse a Person about Screws and Antipendiums , that signifie no more , than if he had made the same noise , and bark'd with the same inveteracy , against the Moon . Tell me , my Beloved , where this Man's Charity lies , in Podice Canis , or in anxietate Asini ? But I come now to another sort of Antipendium , I mean the Play-house Curtain , that hangs before the Scenes . And this is sometimes a Comical , sometimes a Tragical Antipendium . Now I am apt to believe , that our dear Conductor meant his Conceit for a Comical Antipendium , as having a desire to oblige the World with a little Mirth ; to which purpose he made this Comical Romance of Screws and Antipendiums , populo ut placerent quas ipse fecit fabulas . What ill luck it was he wanted Intelligence to compleat the Fable ? 'T was pity he had not heard of the Smith's Wife in Distaff-lane , that was perswaded to environ her self with Back , Breast , and Head-piece , and follow her Husband to the Ale-house , like a St. George a Foot , or another Penthesilea : From whence he might have fram'd another strange Story , of a Walking Antipendium , and have made three or four Prognosticating Observators out of it . Well , but you 'll say , This is not the Antipendium which our dear Conductor meant — However , do but hoise it up , and it presently presents you with a Sight . First , Behold our dear Conductor sitting in an Elbow-Chair , between Circe on the one side , and Medea on the other , who have each of them the Command of two great Fat 's , as big as Rhenish-Wine Fat 's ( You would think our Conductor Sutler-General of England , between his two Camp-Mistresses of the Field ) These Fat 's contain a most pleasing and intoxicating Potion , between Circean , Medean , and Whore of Babylonian , much of the same Brewing as Ovid describes it , Nec Mora : misceri tosti jubet hordea grani Mellaque , vimque meri , cum lacte coagula passo , Quique sub hac lateant furtim dulcedine succos Adjicit . — About these Fat 's you shall see Multitudes of People pressing , some for their Quarterns , some for their Half-quarterns , some for their Gills , which they have no sooner drank off , but they fall into several sorts of Frenzies and Ecstasies ; some fall a Huzzaing , some curse the Whigs , others damn the Dissenters , another swears all Men are Liars but the Observator , another rails at Ignoramus Juries . And for the Observator himself , he seems to have taken a large Dose ; for he does nothing but rave against Aldersgate-street , Throckmorton-street ; tells ye a hundred Bedlam Stories of Screws and Antipendiums , and Vintners Boys ; the meer gerrae of a wounded Fancy . After this , you shall see two Iesuits present him with an Instrument ready tun'd ; upon which he falls a playing as if he were mad . Thereupon you shall presently see the Pope his nown self descending in a Chair of State , screw'd together with Brass Screws , to hear the Musick of his Lessons . He seems to be extremely pleas'd , nods his Head and smiles , and so having given him thanks for assisting Thompson , abusing Dr. Oates and Prance , up he soars again out of sight , and then down drops a Showr of Guineys , and down drops the Antipendium , and so the Shew ends . And thus we come to another sort of Antipendium , I mean , the Gaudy Bushes that hang before your Entrances into the Oracle of the Bott● ; a frequent Sign of the Habitation of a certain Commander called a Captain . True it is , that formerly Bacchus and Mars , th● they were near of kin , yet they were two distinct Persons . Mars was a God both by the Father and Mothers Side , but Bacchus onely by the Fathers Side . Iuno was Mars's Mother ; but Bacchus's Mother was no other than Cadmus's Daughter , whose Name was Semele . Yet this Semele was akin to Iuno too , as being Great-grand-daughter to Iuno's Sisters Great-Aunts Cousin-●ermain . I refer ye for the rest to the Heralds Office. But now I think on 't , you may spare your selves that trouble . For , as you may read in Ovid's Metamorphoses , or else in the most worthy Ribadeneira's Volume of Wonders , in process of Time Mars and Bacchus were incorporated into one Person , called a City-Captain . The Reason you shall find in Lucian's Council of the Gods. For they , in deep Consultation among themselves , wisely considering the vain , hot-headed , frantick , Hector-like , Humours of Mortals in their Wine , and what prejudice the Sons of Semele received , by breaking their Chairs , slashing their Hangings , mangling their Pictures , twisting their Silver Spoons , disfiguring their Tankards , throwing their Pots down Stairs , and kicking the young Menades , or Drawers , resolved , as I said before , to incorporate Bacchus and Mars , Vintner and Captain , into one , to enable them the better to quiet the Quarrels of such Hectorean Lapithe's as should presume to invade their Liberties and Properties in their own peculiar Dominions . These Antipendiums are of great consequence ; for these are those Antipendiums that direct the Poet to those Hippocrenes of Sack and Claret that inspire him to write wanton Comedies , Tragick Raptures , and Pindarick Love-Verses . That guide the Melancholy where they may drown their Cares ; the Huzzaers , where to Huzzah ; the Plotters , where to Consult ; the Men of Pleasure , where to Treat their debonnair Misses ; Lords , Knights , and Gentlemen , where to roar and swagger ; and , in a word , where Men may dispatch all sorts of Business , settle Religion , order the State , but more especially throw off the troublesom Clog of their Estates , and gain the Appellation of Good Common-wealths-men , for increasing the Publick Revenue . But now , my Beloved , I come to the Business , those Antipendiums of Antipendiums , the Female Antipendiums , the Ladies Antipendiums , the Mothers Antipendiums , the Daughters Antipendiums , the Mistresses Antipendiums , the Maids Antipendiums ; Antipendiums without , Antipendiums within . As for example ; there is first the Gold-fring'd and Silk-fring'd Antipendium , that brush the City Free-stone , and the Church-Pavement so clean , that Younger Prentices and Sextons have little to do : The Gorgeous Antipendium , so ponderously Fring'd and Lac'd , 't would almost sprain a Mans Wrist to move it ; so wondrous weighty , that many times they crack the Purse-strings that hoise 'em and loar 'em , tho as big as ordinary Cables , while the gay Enchantress walks in her Circles of Gold and Silver , and bewitches all the World. Now , Beloved , behind this Antipendium is another Antipendium , and behind That , another : But then , Beloved , O then ! What then ? — Oh! how I stretch , and yawn , and gape to think on 't ! Then appears the Antipendium indeed , the true , right , undeniable , Hyperbolical Antipendium , that hangs before those Arva Muliebria , those Hortos Cupidinis , as the Learned Apuleius hath it ; That Antipendium which if it be but Lac'd , Emperours will stoop to raise it . This is that Antipendium which the Unlearned , the Illiterate , the People of Long-lane and Wapping , call a Smock . But now how highly , how infinitely is the Nation , the Whole Nation ( for all Men , all Sects , all Opinions are now concern'd ) how past all Retribution are they oblig'd to our dear Conductor , for this fine , clean modest , neat , harmless , inoffensive Word ? The Ladies too are bound to give him eternal praise and honour . For now , never no more , never in this World , shall a Smock be call'd a Smock , but an Antipendium . Let the Word Smock be banish'd to the Skirts of the Suburbs , but let the Word Antipendium be the Darling of the English Tongue . How many serious Questions , which Manners , only Manners forbid before , may a Gentleman now ask his Mistress concerning her Antipendium ? A Lady may order her Servant to lay her out a clean Antipendium , tho there were twenty Gentlemen i' th' Room . Certainly if the Ladies and Gentlemen do not joyn together , and erect a Monument to our dear Conductor , for making known to the World this sober , maidenly , bashful , shamefac'd , mannerly Word , they will be very ungrateful , and never deserve to have such an Observator again . 'T is a Word so modest , that the very Quakers may use it . This is that Antipendium to which the desires of Rich and Poor , Lords and Peasants , Young and Old , all tend , as to the Center of their Happiness . For love of this Antipendium some Men hang , others drown , others poyson themselves . The Monks and Friars lick their Lips at it . The Jesuit pulls off his four-square Cap to it , very reverendly : Even his Holiness himself will not disdain to pay his Devotions to this Antipendium . Nay , more than all this , our dear Conductor admir'd one of these Antipendiums in his drooping Years ; nor would he Court like a Common Mortal , but like another Iupiter , deceiv'd the Jealous Acrisius . But now you 'll ask me , What Screws are most proper to fix this Antipendium ? Why , I must tell ye , your Golden and Silver Screws are very proper , and many times prevail exceedingly : but as the Case may happen , many times your Brass Screws , that is , your boisterous , ranting , tearing , confident Screws , of which Epithets Brass is the general Emblem , and therefore for that Reason call'd metonymically Brass Screws , are much more desirable ; insomuch that there are several Cleopatra's and Messalina's of the Age , that had rather have two such Brass Screws , than two and forty Golden or Silver ones . But here , my Beloved , let me give you a serious Caution . Sometimes it happens , that by vertue of a certain Figure called Synechdoche , the Part is taken for the Whole ; that is , the Antipendium which covers , is taken for the Vacuum covered . So then , my Beloved , if at any time you find the Antipendium more displeasing to your sight , than the Vacuum which it conceals , I say , Beware your Brass Screws . Have a care of such an Antipendium as Dejanira's was , that burnt Hercules alive . For sometimes you shall meet with an Antipendium scalding with such an Etnean Heat , as would even melt the Rhodian Colossus's Brass Screw , were they in being . I must confess , my Beloved , we our selves , I mean those of our Long Robe , have a strange fancy for these Antipendiums , insomuch that you would swear , that a great part of the Tribe of Levi were turn'd Gentlemen-Ushers . Which makes me admire that so many of our Sommer-Divines should be so zealous for our dear Conductor , that would so fain once more subject them to the cast-off Yoke of Antichrist , who will not allow them the convenience of these Antipendiums , than which there is nothing in the World more delightful to them . I could here run into a prodigious Discourse of the Conveniencies and Inconveniencies of these Antipendiums ; but it behoves me to be guided by my Hour-glass , which is the Measure of your Patience . Well then , by way of Application , the Moral of all this , is , to shew ye how zealous our dear Conductor has been to raise and improve a company of Tales and Romantick Stories of Screws and Antipendiums , not at all for the Publick Good , but all in the silly and shammaking Justification of his own Ill-Conduct , not to call it worse ; tho to the utter ruine of one of the Chiefest and most Unblemished Evidences of that damned Conspiracy against the Life of his Sacred Prince , and the Subversion of his Government . A most transcendent piece of Loyalty , and most highly deserving the Fat of Venison among Boys and Prentices ▪ Alas ! there 's no body denies the Act of making the Brass Screws to a Popish Chappel Antipendium , which hangs before the High Altar upon High days ; but that they were made without the Approbation and Knowledge of the Employers , is that which our dear Conductor would fallaciously impose upon the World , to prove that Cain's taking the Sacrament , was more acceptable to God than Abel's . Oh , my Beloved , you blaspheme our dear Conductor : Can he speak an Untruth ? — Why not ? — For tho the Virgin Mary was so kind to St. Dominic , as to give him a Visit from the Coelum Empyreum , and to bring him the Confirmation of his Orders written with an Angels Pen , we do not hear that ever St. Michael brought our dear Conductor any Patent from Heaven to be Truth-speaker General of England . And therefore 't is a Presumption and Arrogance in our dear Conductor to pretend to be the onely Utterer of Truth , unless he could prove his Assertions by better Proofs than the Flams of Screws and Antipendiums . 'T is much he had never another Story of Screws and Antipendiums for Dr. Fletcher , who swore much more to the purpose than Prance . Of which two Persons , when one of their Oaths is enough to render our dear Conductor suspected , it is to me a wonder how he can have the Effronterie to defend the Interest of the Church of England ; or the Church of England Men be so weak to own him for their Champion , which is the greatest Scandal they now lie under . But 't is observable ▪ my Beloved , that when our dear Conductor is pinch'd , he presently recoils under the Protection of Loyalty , and cries out with a loud Voice Treason , Treason , Lies , Rebellion , Covenants , Associations , &c. like a Dog that snarles between his Masters Legs . But , my Beloved , our dear Conductor is to understand , that there are Persons in the World that will not come to Sam 's Coffee-house to learn what Truth or Loyalty is , from such a State-Pragmaticus as his Worship . If he would know what Loyalty is , we will tell him , for once , from a much more Venerable Author than himself , writing to the present Dolphin of France : After all that hath been said , saith he , we are to conclude , That if we would observe the inviolable , the vertuous Fidelity of Subjects , it behoves us to be obliged to our Lawful Prince by the same Ties that we are bound to God ; that we reverence Kings as His Lieutenants , and His Living Images , the Ministers of His Iustice , and the Organs of His Will. La Faussette , des Vertus Humaines , Tom. 1. pag. 487. Let him deeply consider these Words , and make his best of ' em . 'T is to be suppos'd , when he has conn'd 'em well , he will better distinguish between Loyalty to a Prince and his Government , and Compliance with a Parish-Ceremony , and recant his Heathenish Assertion of removing the Dissent . In the mean while , let not this Shimei of an Observator brandish his reproachful Pen against so many thousands of People , that make so great a Figure in the Nation ; Persons that from the Peerage to the Tradesman share so large a Portion of the Kingdoms Wealth , and therefore not to be reflected upon , without considerate Meditation , and the Conviction of Legal Proofs . Reproach and Calumny will provoke the most patient and innocent of Men : — Vexat Censura Columbas . Therefore Machiavil himself abhors Incendiaries and Calumniators , as the Pests of a Commonwealth . He allows of Legal Accusation ; but , saith he , Calumnies are detestable , as not requiring Proof and Testimony ; whereas Accusations , must be legally and judicially made apparent . Let our dear Conductor accuse as much as he can ; but let hm not revile , and tell idle Stories , and call his fraudulent and adulatory Assertions Loyalty , as if he thought he could convince the Nation , by disputing with himself . Which Admonition would he but observe , as the World would not be so intollerably pester'd with his loose Half-sheets , so he might have more leisure to think of retiring to the other World , which he once promised to do , but has most wickedly broke his Promise . FINIS .