Bull, beare, and horse, cut, curtaile, and longtaile. VVith tales, and tales of buls, clenches, and flashes. As also here and there a touch of our beare-garden-sport; with the second part of the merry conceits of wit and mirth. Together with the names of all the bulls and beares Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1638 Approx. 72 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 36 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-10 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13429 STC 23739 ESTC S120272 99855471 99855471 20966 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13429) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 20966) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1118:11) Bull, beare, and horse, cut, curtaile, and longtaile. VVith tales, and tales of buls, clenches, and flashes. As also here and there a touch of our beare-garden-sport; with the second part of the merry conceits of wit and mirth. Together with the names of all the bulls and beares Taylor, John, 1580-1653. [70] p. Printed by M. Parsons, for Henry Gosson, and are to be sold at his shop on London Bridge, London : 1638. Partly in verse. Dedication signed: Iohn Taylor. Signatures: A-D E⁴ (-A1). Reproduction of the original in the Bodleian Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2000-00 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2001-06 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2001-08 Sean Norton Sampled and proofread 2005-03 Melanie Sanders Text and markup reviewed and edited 2005-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Bull , Beare , and Horse , Cut , Curtaile , and Longtaile . VVith Tales , and Tales of Buls , Clenches , and Flashes . Is also here and there a touch of our Beare-Garden-sport ; with the second part of the Merry conceits of Wit and Mirth . Together with the Names of all the Bulls and Beares . LONDON , Printed by M. Parsons , for Henry Gosson , and are to be sold at his shop on London Bridge . 1638. This Dedication is directed , to his well-Affected and much Respected , his often Approved , and truly beloved , Mr. Thomas Godfrey , Keeper of the Game for Beares , Bulls , and Dogges . KInd friend , I am sure you can defend me from being bitten with your Beares , though not from being back-bitten by Envie ; you can stave me , and save me , from the Goring of your Bulls , but there are too many heards of other Horned Beasts to But at my Inventions , and tosse my harmlesse meaning , as their empty Iudgements , and Witlesse fancies are enclin'd ; howsoever I am resolv'd to love you , and not to Respect them I am glad that you can say that an excessive time of charge is past with you , and I hope for better dayes and times . I have touched here and there merrily upon the Game , but so farre from offence , that I doe expect that it will be pleasing both to the Wise , and to the Indifferent Readers . And mee thinkes very fools should not be angry with it , for I have thrust in a great many Bables to please them to If any thing doe seeme distastefull in it , my Comfort is , that a Wise man will not set his Wit to mine , and be offended but if a Foole be angry , then I will not set my Wit to his , and take exceptions . And thus with my best wishes to you and yours , I remaine a poore friend to you and yours , Iohn Taylor . Bull , Beare , and Horse , Cuts , Curtols , and Longtailes . COncerning Buls , sure no man is so Dull , Orignorant but that he knowes a Bull : There are more sorts of Bulls then Beares by ods , For lupiter , ( the chiefe of Heathen gods ) Into a Bull , was pleas'd himselfe to Shape , When on Europa he committed Rape : And to a Bull , he turn'd his forme divine When he ( on Ceres ) got faire Proserpine . Taurus ( the Bull ) is if you wisely Note A Signe Caelestiall for the Necke and Throat , If any doubt of it , let them but go And buy an Almanacke , hee 'le finde it so . Pasipha Queene of Creet , ( a Royall Trull ) Was monstrously enamour'd of a Bull : 'Twixt whom the Monster Minotaure was got , As in th eighth Booke of Ovid it was wrot . But sure the stories truth is better fram'd , That sayes there was a man there ( Taurus nam'd ) Who was beloved of the lustfull Queene , And had with her too oft familiar beene . 'T is said Semir amis ( King Ninus Mother ) Did love a Bull , which is as true as 'tother , When as Just Minos , ( Creets victorious King ) The Megarans did to 's subjection bring , For which to Iove a feast he solemniz'd , Wherein a hundred Buls were sacrific'd . The Brazen Bull of Ph●…llaris the Tyrant , Was such a Beast , as made the World admire on 't , In which men Roasted , were to death Tormented , And he first suffred in 't that it Invented . There dwels a man at Rome , that Buls can make , To make seduced Kings , and Kingdomes Quake , Which Buls ( though Lead ) ( O wondrous to behold Are quickly Metamorphos'd into Gold. There 's the Philosophers Admired Jemme , ( That long sought Jewell , worth a Diademe ) That hard , hard stone , which many men have sought And all they found , they found themselves worth nought ; The Castle Angello , doth it Immure And there turnes drossy Lead , to Gold most pure . There are Bulbeggers , which fright Children much , There are Bull Taverns , that mens Wits will tutch ; And further ( for the Buls Renowne and fame ) We had an ex'lent Hangman of that name . Suppose a man 's match'd with a beauteous Wife , Who with an ugly Dwarfe defiles her life , To please her husband , she can fiddle , faddle , Whilst oftentimes a Monkey fits his Saddle , A man may say , that he most basely is Bull'd with an Vrchin , through his Wifes Amisse . And now of late a Bull 's a Common Creature , For men ( with nonsence ) do speak Bull 's by Nature , From East to West , from North unto the South , Bull 's are produc'd each houre , by Word of Mouth . Which every day are brought unto the Printer , Faster then Mother Puddings made her Winter . To the decay of many a Tallow Taper , And the consuming many a Reame of Paper , Soft Mault doth make sweet Fire , the Proverb sayes , Or else the Bull sayes so , you see which wayes . If men would use to Leape before they Looke , Bulls should not thus be thrust in many a Booke , For though Care may be Kill'd with any Cat , You are not sure the Fire is in the Fat , Fooles faine ( say they ) do often make faire Words , Yet some may Catch the Bush some beat the Birds . But Better comes the seldome , I desire For My Kill set the Peck of Mault on fire . This any man may to him selfe apply That When the Larks fall , we may catch the skie . But if my Judgement do me not deceive I do esteeme it better lacke then leave . Though Brawne and Bacon breeds from Bores and Hoggs , Yet hungry Puddings Will eat dirty Doggs . And sure a man had better bide away , Then come to late , A Faire after the Day . If such a one speed well , it is as rare , As t is To catch a Taber with a Hare . Which is as certaine as blind Fortunes Wheele , Or hold fast Like a wet Taile by the Eele . Let every man a true decorum keepe , Because t is ill , A waking Dogge to sleepe . And t is a Proverb throughout Christendome , That never One day was not built in Rome . If great men give me nothing , I say plaine , I le hurle as much as that at them againe . He that stickes downe a Goose , and steales a Feather , Doth ( by that match ) not save , or profit neither . Along Corne for short harvest men may see , Like tedious woeing for a scornefull shee . T is folly for a man to fall at strife With Women , who hath nine Cats like a life ; For when the Gray-Horse is the better Mare , A Blinde man may be taken with a Hare . Spet in your hold , take better hands I say , We may be heere to Morrow , and gone to day . The man that angrie is without amends , T is fit ( without a canse he be made friends : ) For though men know their Cattel by their marks The greatest men are not the wisest Clarkes . I purpose no mans credit to defame , But He that is balfe hang'd , bath no good name . Though all these Rimes are scarcely worth a Token The Water to the Pott goes till t is broken . Who cuts their fingers must abide them bleed . And when Geese preach , then let thr Fox take heede . T is hard to make me thinke , or late , or soone , That ever Greene Cheese was made of the Moone . Nor is it fit ( as I doe understand ) To put a mad Sword in a nak'd mans hand . A man may be a Drunkard or a Leacher , And yet mend as the Bolt doth mend the Fletcher . Or as the sowre Ale mends the Sommer , so A man ( mistooke ) may make his friend , his foe . For all this , 't is not fitting to be book'd , How once olde Lincolne ore the Devill look'd . The Ancient Proverb still doth stand in force , Some better may looke one then steale a Horse . It may be some will not these lines allow , But then they take a wrong Eare by the Sow . T was never yet a question in the Law , To stumble at a Blocke , leape ore a straw . But any man of simple wit may finde , That all this Corne hath shaken downe no Winde . He that will wrangle for an Egge that 's Addle , Although he lose the Horse , may winne the Saddle . And thus my Muse , most lowly elevated , These English Proverbs hath to Bulls tranflated . More worthy , and Remarkeable observations of the Bull. AS is before Repeated in my lines , Taurus ( the Bull ) ' mongst the Celestial Signes ; So Taurus is a Mountaine , whose high Top Doth seeme to scale the Skies , and underprop The Bull that 's stellified ; That Hill doth Bound All Asia on the North , about it round Is many a Kingdome and large Continent , Which shewes the Bull is mighty in extent . A Bull 's a Beast of State and Reputation , For he that eats Bull Beefe , ( by approbation ) With eating such strong meate , I do assure ye 'T will puffe him up , and make him swell with fury . If any man will but himselfe examine , Hee le find a Bull , a Buckler against famine , A Bull 's a happy Creature , whence proceeds Most of the food , whereon most people feeds : He , and his sweet hearts ( most beloved Kine ) Yeelds thousands where with all to suppe and dine . The Calves , ( his sonnes and daughters ) plenteously With young and tender Veale , our wants supply . And from the Bull'd Cow , ( in perpetuall motion ) Milke flowes amongst us daily like a Ocean , Sweet Creame , and Cockney Curds they yeeld each day , And ( for the poor ) Whig , Buttermilk and Whay , Cheese Raw , or Toasted , or to Bait Mouse-traps , And Butter , to annoint the Flemmings Chaps , The Milk-Pans do allow , like bounteous Pooles , Meanes to make Cheese-cakes , Custards , Flawns , and Fools , And at the Milk-pale , I have seene and heard Good Sullabubs , have been both made and mard . It is the Bull 's Conjunction with the Cow ( With blest encrease ) that doth these things allow . Without the Bull we should be so unstor'd , The Kingdome could not yeeld a Posset Curd . Know then by this ( good Reader ) what a Bull is , And he that will not know it , but a Gull is . The One ( the Buls strong Eunuch son ) is Chiefe Of Mortall meats , ( man-feeding vigorous Beefe ) And who so will amongst the Butchers seeke In London , and in Westminster each weeke , With those two Cities Bounds , and Liberties , With Countrey Butchers , and the great supplies That Market folkes do to those parts Impart ( The Load of many a Horse , and many a Cart ) The Beeves thus slaine , and eaten would appeare Above 3000 , each weeke through the yeere . Chines , Surloyns , Flanks , Clods , Legs , doth fill us full , Brisket and Marrow-bones comes from the Bull ; A Neats-tongue dri'd is deere , a Dish of State , At Stilliard any man may know the Rate . * With many more things which I le not Recite , 'T would trouble men to Read , and I to write . Thus do the Butchers Thriue , the Grasiers Gaine , The Cooks and Victualers , do their states maintain , Sowse-wives grow plump and fat , and 't is because Their sale is quicke for Muggets Paunches , Mawes , Tripes , Reads , Neatsfeet , Cowheels , & Chitterlings , Whilst many thousands feed on Bag-puddings . Note but how well the Cheese-mongers do live , And what a usefull gainfull Trade they drive : Yet in their shops there is true Justice found The poore mans peney , and the rich mans pound Shall have true , weightaccordiag to proportion , Without conivence , falshood , or extortion . Were there no Buls , Chandlers were beggerd quite Nor could they sell our darknesse any light At any price of Reason , then our Guise Were soone to go to Bed , and late to Rise . Thus is the Bull , and the Bulls Breed descected In Flesh and Entrales ; now my Quil's erected ( In what is writ before I have not Lyde ) And now I le siourish ore the Hornes and Hyde . The Tanners wealth encreaseth day and Night , 'Till at the last his Sonne is dub'd a Knight : And Daughters should be ( could they purchase pride ) With Portions , and proportions Ladyfi'de . The Currier also needs not Curry favoure , For though his Trade smell , somethidg hath some savour . Nor would men be so mad as to prefer Their sonnes bound prentise to a Shoomaker ; But that their future hopes do them perswade , It is no Bare-footed and Bootlesse Trade . Nor will it ever lack , or live in scorne , 'Till all our children without feet are borne ; For ( more then any Trade ) hee 'le sing and play , Whilst every Munday is his Holiday . And when a Shoomaker fals to decay , Hee 'le be a Cobler new , and mend that way : But there 's a monstrous Trade , of late sprung forth , Doth spoil more Leather then their skins are worth , The best Hydes they devoure , and Gurmundize , Which makes the worst in price too high to Rise ; With them the World doth bravely run on Wheeles , Whilst poore men pinch and pay , quite out at heels . But hold , what vessell have I set a Broach , What is muse got jolting in a Coach ? Out with a vengeance , walk on foot I p●… And to the Bull again direct your way . Now for the excellent Admired Horne More profitable then the Unicorne . For Hoopes , for Spectacles , for Combs to dresse yo●… ( Which when they come so neere your heads , pray And 't is a Bull I have heard often said ( blesse you ) Reach me the Iron Shooing Horne good Maid . And when the Hunted Stag bids life farewell , The Huntsmans Horn doth bravely Ring his Knell , Which was the Bull-calves , or the Buls-horns once Before the Gelder reft him of his stones . Thus from the Bull , and the Bulls Breed you see , A world of people still maintained be ; He finds flesh , Bootes , Shooes , Lights , and stands in stead And great importance to afford us Bread. The Bulls deare sonne ( the Oxe ) with daily toyle , Weares out himselfe with plowing and turmoyle , And all to find us bread , and when he dyes , His Flesh , Hyde , Hornes and all , our wants supplies . So much for Bulls now in particular , For our Beare-Garden Bull , a Bull of war , A stout , a valiant , and a Head-strong-Beast , Which did not fight this 18 Moneths at least ; A Beast of mighty pollicy and power , That at his Dog foes will looke Grim , and Lower , Hee 'le knit the Brow with terror , in such sort , That when he chafes most , then he makes most sport ; At push of Pike , he with his head will play , And with his feet spurne injuries away ; Hee 'l turne and wind as nimble as an Eele , And kicke , and skornes abuses with his Heele ; Hee 'le fling and throw , hee 'le bravely tosse & turn , Hee 'le hurle and heave , and dangerously spurne , Note but his valour , when hee 's at the stake , How he prepares himselfe the Dog to take : His f●…eet fix'd fast , disdaining once to stirre , His wary eye upon the angry Cur. Whilst politickly with his Head he weaves , And with advantage up his foe he heaves , With such a force , that often with the fall Hee 's dead , or lam'd , or hath no power to sprawle . Thus hath our Bull fought in his owne defence , And purchas'd ( for his Master ( Crowns and pence . And for that purpose may do so agen , ( I wish I had the knowledge to know when ) For since the time a Bull a Dog could tosse , Our Beare-Garden had never such a losse : But le ts not lay the fault upon the Times , But let us blame our selves , and cease our Crimes . Bulls , Mistakes , Clenches , Long and short Tales . A Tale of a Bull that was bought instead of a Cowe . IT was well knowne to many ancient people to this day , that in the Citie of Gloucester , without the South Gate , in the Parish of Saint Ewins , ( where my selfe was borne ) there dwelt a Schoolemaster , who was called Master Greene , to whom I with many more went to Schoole , for some small learning beyond the Horn-Booke ; This Master Greene did love new milke so well , that because he would be sure to have it new , he would buy a Cowe of his owne , and to that purpose went to the Beast Market , but by the way having met with some friends , and a Cup or two of Sack , it had so wrought in the old mans pate , that when he came to the Beast-market , his eyes so dazled and doated on a faire Bull , that he suppos'd his Cod to be a goodly Cowes Vdder ; so he ( neither naming Cowe or Bull ) demanded the price of the Beast , till at the last the Bull was bought and sold , and driven home to a stable of Master Greenes , who being glad of his good bargaine , told his wife of it ; and when the Evening milking time was come , Master Greene , with his Wife and Maid , went to the Stable , where the Wench kneeling downe to milke , and taking the Bull by the Cod , shee said shee could find ne're a Teate , whereat the man and woman were amaz'd ; and the Bull ( for his owne ease ) instead of milke , pist in the Paile , for the which Master Greene was ever mockt and flouted , and my selfe ( with my Fellow Schollers ) to shew our acute forwardnesse in Rime , and out of the thallownesse of our deepe judgements , composed this poeticall Enco nium . Our Master Greene , was overseene , In buying of a Bull ; For when the Maid , did meane to milke , He pist the Paile halfe full - probatum . Our Schoolemaster did take these Verses so kindly , that having found out the grave Authors of them ; he ( to expresse , or declare his love to Poetry ) gave us such speedy , present , and yet backward sure payment , that we danc'd at it , and were so merry , that our cheekes ran downe with water . Another Tale of a Towne Bull. A Parson of a Countrey Village ( for the encrease of Towne Calves ) kept a lusty Bull , which serv'd for the use of the whole Parish ; which Bull , was fallen so poor and leane , that his bones might have been almost told as they were ready to start out of his skin , and the cold Winter being come , the miserable Parson put the Bull to graze on the bare ground in in the Churchyard , ( for there was little or no Grasse ) and there was also a Horse of the Parsons as leane as the Bull , which fed ( or fasted ) in the said Churchyard . These poore Beasts being almost starved with hunger and cold , and the hardnesse of their Masters heart , it fortuned that in a very darkenight , there arose a very violent Tempest of wind and raine , so that the Bull for succour and shelter from the weather , went into the Church porch , and there lay downe and dyed with cold and famine . The Horse likewise ( having the like purpose to get out of the storme ) went to the Church-porch , and by reason it was so darke , he stumbled over the dead Bull , and ran his head against the Church doore , which was so old and broken that with the force of the Horses fall , it flew open and let the Horse into the Church , who recovering his legs , and walking up and downe , musing where he was , at the last he came to the Bell Ropes , which the Countrey people that used to Ring , had ( for the ease of their hands ) made wispes , or wads of Hay fast round about the hand-fasts or handles of the Ropes ; the which Hay , the Horse smelling out , he being hungry , laid lippes to , and pull'd so hard at the Hay , that the Rope gave warning to the Bell , and the Bell to the Clapper , that it Rang now and then a stroake or twain , which the Parson hearing , he marvelled much what the matter should be , or who should jangle the Bels so confusedly at that time of the night , in the meane space the Horse goes from Rope to Rope , ( as he could find them in the darke ) which caused every Bell to toll in an untuned Diapason : At last the Parson arose , and called up the Clerke , and some neighbours , and lighted their Lanthornes ( which were the lighter and the heavier for their Candles ) so they came amazedly and fearefully to the Churchyard , and there they found the Bull dead in the Church-porch , and the Horse in the Bell-frey ringing his Knell . Although there be no impossibilitie in this Tale , yet I am not guilty of the beleefe of it , nor am I bound to prove it . Bulls with short Tales . A Taxation , or levie , or payment was laid upon a Countrey Village , for the repairing or mending of a bad high-way , against the which collection the people grumbled and murmur'd very much ; So that one of the most grave and wise of he Parish , said to the Officers that gathered the money , I tell you friends , if these kind of Bursements and elections be laid thus tollerably upon us ; ' it s enough to make folkes mad , and rise in devotion . A Bull. A Fellow going from London towards Rumford in Essex , before he came at Ilford , ( som what neer the highway ) he saw the carcases of three murderers hang'd in Chaines , and at his returne home being demaunded what newes he had brought out of the countrey ; Truely ( quoth he ) I have no great newes to tell you , but I saw a rare sight , which was , I saw three men hang'd in Iibblets . A cleare sighted Bull. ONe met a man in the street , taking acquaintance of him thus , Sir , I am a stranger , and am mistaken in you , for you are not the Gentleman that I tooke you for , but I pray you pardon me , for I am sure I have seene you by sight . Mistakes . SOme neighbours being at hot contention , for a matter of little or nothing : the businesse was brought before a Iustice , who said unto them , My good neighbours , I do wish you to agree , for the proverbe sayes truely , The Law is costly ; therefore I would have you to put the Controversie to me , and I will set all differences even betwixt you ; Truly Sir , said one , I do humbly thanke your worship , the matter concernes my wife , and I put her Case to your Worship withall my heart ; in truth quoth another , I am contented , I am willing to deferre the matter to your Worships discredit . A Bull of authority . A Major of a Countrey Towne , being sate with the rest of his Brethren , in the Towne-house began to make a grave Oration , beginning as followeth . Brethren , friends , and neighbours , I am in good hope that our proceedings will be to a good purpose , because we are so happily and lovingly seperated together amongst our selves . A shee Bull. A Young Shee Citizen borne , was newly married , having never in her life been a Traveller further then she could heare the sound of Bow-Bell . Her Husband ( on a time ) went with her into the Countrey a Ayring , whereas they were going thorow a meddow , there was a Tree , upon one of the Boughes whereof a Mole-catcher had hang'd up many Moles or Wants which he had taken , which the young woman espying , shee call'd to her husband , saying , O what a sollitary life it is to live in the Citie , where no such fine things do grow as are heere in the Countrey , for looke you Husb and heere is a Black-pudding Tree . A Roguish Flash . A Poore man was going to the Market ( on a Saturday ) to buy Beefe , he having a Roguish boy to his sonne , the boy asked him whether he was going ; he answered , I am going to the Butchers . O father ( said the boy ) the Butchers are crafty fellowes , and if you take not heed , they will cosin you , therefore I advise you to take the Dog with you , for two heads are better then one . A Flash . A Neat Gentleman , with an Ash coulour , or Silver couloured paire of silke Stockings , going hastily through the gate that leads into the Pallace at Westminster , suddenly , a woman ( or maid ) did chance to cast out a dish or pot of new-made warme water , some tale whereof lighted in the Gentlemans shooes , and withall besparkled his silke Stockings ; at which , very angerly he said , Thou filthy base sluttish Queane , Canst thou not see , but throw thy stinking pisse into my shooes and hose ? To whom she answered , Sir , I am sorry that I have done you any wrong , but yet you have done me a great deal more injury then I have done to you , for I would have you know , that I am no such Slut as you call'd me , neither do I keep pisse till it stinkes , but I alwayes throw it away fresh and fresh as I make it . A Bull. TWo Gentlemen passing up the River of Thames , with a paire of Oares from London-Bridge towards Westminster , one of the Gentlemen did take somewhat in distaste , that one of the Watermen had either said or done to him ; the Waterman did intreat him not to be angry , and said , he did mean no harme , and was sorry that a Gentleman should be angry for nothing ; but the more the one did entreat , the more furious the other was , insomuch that he said to the Waterman , Sirra , hold your prating , for I vow as I am a Gentleman , if I do rise and come to thee , I will knocke thy head and the wall together . A Clench . AN old man had sate tipling so long at the Ale-house , that he had almost gotten a Loafe out of the Brewers Basket , and having an unhappy Boy to his sonne , who came for him to get him home , to whom the old man said , Sirra Boy have a care of me , and lead me well , for my head is very light ; to whom the Boy answered , Father , it is long of your eyes that your head is light , for if they were out , your head would be in the darke . A Bull. A Gentleman riding in the Countrey , attended with one Servingman , they met a fellow that was a stride upon a Cowe , the Servingman said , Master behold , yonder is a strange sight . What is it said the Gentleman ? why sir ( said his man ) looke you sir , there is one Rides on Horseback upon a Cowe ; that 's a great Bull , said the Gentleman ; nay sir , said his man , it is no Bull , I know it is a Cowe by his Teats . A Mistake . ONe that was a Good-fellow upon the Score so farre , that many blacke posts did proclaime his credit in sundry Taverns , Ale houses , and Tobacco shops , Chalk was the Inke , to remember what Ch●…n●…e he owed for his Drinke . It happened , that his braine being intoxicated with late tipling in a frosty Winters night , and his way being over a little Close from the Alehouse to his owne house , hee perceiving the Grasse all milke-white with the hoary frost ; at which sight hee merrily said to one that went with him , Now I see that all the world is Chalk'd , and my Scores will never be seene for me to pay them . A Bull. TWo men in a hot Summer Evening , stripped themselves out of their Cloathes , to swimme or wash themselves in the Thames , or some other Brooke or River ; and having ( as they thought ) staid overlong in the water , one of them said , Let us now go a Shore , and put on our cloathes , for it is time to go home . The other answered , do you go on shore first , I will but unlose a point , and come to you presently . A short Bull. ONe said , that the best Bull-dog that ever he saw play at the Beare , was a Brended Bitch . A Citie Bull. TWo Citizens , having been making merry in Middlesex , came riding homewards through a Village called Acton ( which is sixe miles from London ) and perceiving a faire house , with the doores and windowes shut , one of them said , it was great pitty that such a handsome building should want an inhabitant ; to whom the other answered , you say true brother , it is pitty , but if I had this house in London , it should not stand empty heere . A Curtoll Bull. ONe said that he was so sows'd and dash'd with a showre of Raine , that he had ne're a dry thred wet about him . A pretty Bull. ONe was perswaded to go into the water and wash himselfe , he answered that it was dangerous , and that he did never meane to go into any River , or other water , before he had first learn'd to swimme perfectly . A Mistake . A Man departed from his house , and dwelling privately , without taking leave of any body , and travell'd , so that it was not knowne to any what was become of him , at last there was a supposition that he was kill'd in a quarrell by a mad fellow that behaved himselfe so well , that few honest folkes lov'd him . This fellow was apprehended , and arraigned at the Assises for suspition of the fact , and by some strong presumptions appeared so guilty , that he was thought fit to be hang'd , and after a yeares imprisonment , he went abroad now and then ( with the leave of the Iaylor ) where by chance he met the man that was supposed to be slaine by him ; whereupon the prisoner got his liberty : who comming among his old Consorts , he said , My Masters , I have endured a great deale of trouble about killing of a Rascall , and nothing grieves me so much , as that I met the Rogue sixteene moneths after in Aylsbury Market . A Bull. ONe said that the High Sherife of Yorkeshire did entertaine the Iudges in a brave and commendable fashion , with one hundred and twenty men , all in one saire Livery of Gray Marble . Of a Fryer . A Preaching Fryer once reprooved his Auditors for sleeping at his Sermons , but yet ( said he ) I pray you do not refraine comming to Church though you doe sleepe , for God Almighty may chance to take some of you napping . Of a Saylor and his Wife . A Saylor was absent on a Voyage three yeeres , in the meane space his Wife had a Boy , twenty moneths old , to entertaine him withall at his returne : the Saylor said , Wife , whose childe is this : marry husband ( quoth she ) it is mine , and God sent it me in your absence . To which the man repli'd , I will keepe this child , because God sent him , but if God send me any more on that fashion , he shall keep them himselfe . A witty Tale of a new married man. A Young fellow being newly married , having been from home , came suddenly into his house , and found his Wife at foule play with another man : the poor young Cuckold ran presently and told his wives father all the businesse , who replyed thus ; Sonne , I married her mother , and I tell thee plaine that thy wife seemes to be her daughter in conditions as well as feature , for I have taken her mother many times in that manner , and no warning would serve her , till in the end age made her leave it , and so will thy wife do when she is old and past it . A Tale of three Gossips , that would know , Whereabouts a Cuckolds hornes do grow . THree Gossips in a Tavern , chatting over a Pint of Sherry , said one of them , I muse whereabouts a Cuckolds hornes grow ; quoth the second , I think they do grow in the pole , or nape of the neck ; verily , quoth the third , I do think it to be true , for my Husbands bands are alwayes worn out behind . Of a Whore. ONe called a Whore lazie jade , content your selfe , quoth another , as lazie as she seemes , she is able to carry a man quicke to the Divell . Of Cuckolds . A Company of neighbours that dwelt all in a rowe , in one side of a street ; one of them said , Let us be merry , for it is reported that we are all Cuckolds that dwell on our side of the street ( except one ) one of the women sate musing , to whom her husband said ; ( wife ) what all a mort , why art thou so sad ? no , quoth shee , I am not sad , but I am studying which of our neighbours it is that is not a Cuckold . A Clench . A Gentleman being in a house of iniquitie , or Cousin-German to a Bawdy house , the roome being very darke , he called alowd for a light Huswife ; to whom a Wench made answer , I come Incontinent . He calls for light , she under stood him right , For shee was vanity which made her light : She said she would incontinent attend , To make her Continent , she needs to mend . A Mistake . TWo Maids ( or servants ) dwelling in a house together , the one of them having occasion to use a Steele , smoothing Iron , or some such kinde of Laundry Instrument , and having sought it , and not finding it , said to her fellow , thou dost mislay every thing in the house , and art so busie a baggage that thou canst let nothing stand ; to which the other answered , and you are so way ward and teasty , that a little thing troubles you , and puts you in a great anger . A Gentlewomans answer to a Captaine . IN a time of Peace , a Captaine being in company , where after dinner there was dancing , with whom a Gentlewoman was desirous to dance , the Captaine said , he was made to fight , and not to dance : to whom she answered , that it were good that he were oil'd and hang'd up in an Armory , till there were occasion to use him . Of a Huffing Gallant ONe asked a Huffing Gallant , why he had not a Looking-Glasse in his Chamber , he answered , he durst not , because he was often angry , and then he look'd so terribly , that he was fearefull to looke upon himselfe . Of a fellow that was whipt . THere was a fellow that ( not for his goodnesse ) was whipt at a Carts-tayle ; and in his execution he drew backward , to whom a Gentleman ( in pitty ) said , Fellow , do not draw back , but presse forward , and thy execution and paines will be the sooner past and done ; to whom the Rogue answered , It is my turn now , when thou art whip'd , do thou go as thou wilt , and now I will go as I please . Beleeve it if you list . ONe said , that he had travaild so farre that he had laid his hand upon the hole where the wind came forth : a second said , that he had bin at the farthest edge of the world , and driven a nayle quite thorow it : the third repli'd , that he had been further , for he was then on the other side of the world , and clencht that nayle . Of a Pope . THere was a Pope , who being dead , it is said that he came to heaven gate and knock'd ; Saint Peter ( being within the Gate ) asked who was there : The Pope answered , Brother , it is I , I am the last Pope deceased ; Saint Peter said , if thou be the Pope , why dost thou knocke , thou having the Keyes , mayest unlocke the gate and enter ? The Pope replyed , saying , that his predecessors had the Keyes , but since their time the Wards were altered . A Tale betwixt a Miser and a poore Man. A Rich Miser , being reviled by a poore man , whom he had oppressed ; the rich man said , Thou Dog , leave thy barking : the poore man answered , that he had one quality of a good dog , which was , to barke when he saw a Thiefe . An unhappy answer of a Boy to his father playing at Dice . A Man being deeply in play at Dice , having lost much mony , his son ( a little lad ) being by him , wept ; quoth the father , Boy , why dost thou weepe ? the Boy answered , that he had read that Alexander the Great , wept when he heard that his ●…her ( King Philip ) had conquered many Cities , Townes , and Territories , fearing that he would leave him nothing ro win ; and I weepe the contrary way ( quoth the boy ) for I feare that my Father will leave me nothing to lose . Of one that opprest the Poore . AN Oppressor having feld all the trees in a Forrest , which for a long time had been the reliefe of many poore people , said , that it was as good as a Comedy to him to see the trees fall ; to whom a poore man said , I hope , as thou makest a Comedy of our miseries , that three of those trees may be reserved to finish a Tragedy for thee and thy children . Of one that forgot his old acquaintance . ONe lamented his friends hard fortune , that being raised to a place of honour , was growne senselesse , forgetting all his old familiar acquaintance , and so far from knowing any man , that he knew not himselfe . Of Instruments and Engines . THe Plough surpasseth the Pike , the Harrow excelleth the Halbert , the Coulter exceeds the Cuttleax , the Goad 〈◊〉 better then the Gunne ; for the one 〈◊〉 are the Instruments of life and profit , and the other are the Engines of death , and all kinds of calamities . Either shame , or hunger . A Poore man is in two extreames : first , if he aske , he dyes with shame ; secondly , if he aske not , hee dies with hunger . An Officers excuse . ONe being in Office , was reproved for negligence ; his excuse was , that it was his best policy to be idle : for if hee should do ill , he should displease God , and if he should do well , he should offend men : 〈◊〉 whom one answered , you ought to do ●…our dutie , for in well doing you shall ●●ease God , and in ill doing you shall ●…lease men . How women take pleasure to be sued unto . VVOmen take great pleasure to be to be sued to , though they never meane to grant . Of Suites in Law. ONe said that Suiters in Law were mortall , and their sure immortall and that there is more profit in a quicke deniall , then in a long dispatch . Of Rome . A Traveller was talking what a good City Rome was , to whom one of the company said , that all Rome was not Italy for we had too much Rome in England . Irish wood an enemy to Caterpillars . A Countrey Fellow came into Westminster Hall , where one told him that the roofe of it was made of Irish wood , and that the nature of it was such , that no Spider would come neere it , and he said ( further ) that in Ireland , no Toad , Snake , or Caterpiller can live , but that the Earth , or the Trees will destroy them : Ah ( quoth the Countrey man ) I wish with all my heart that the Benches , Barres and Flooring were all made of such earth and wood , and that all Coaches , Barges , and Wherries , were made of Irish Oake , that all our English Caterpillers might be destroyed . Thomas Coriat's complaint of Iohn Taylor . MAster Thomas Coriat ( on a time ) complained against me to King Iames , desiring His Majestie that he would cause some heavie punishment to be inflicted upon me , for abusing him in writing ( as he said I had ) to whom the King replide , that when the Lords of His Honourable Privie Councell had leisure , and nothing else to do , then they should heare and determine the differences betwixt Master Coriat the Scholler , and Iohn Taylor the Sculler : which answer of the King was very acceptable to Master Coriat . Whereupon I made this following Petition to the King. TO THE KINGS MOST Excellent Majestie . The humble Petition of Iohn Taylor , your Majesties poore Water-Poet . Sheweth , MOst mighty Monarch of this famous I le , ( Vpon the knees of my submissive mind ) I beg thou wilt be graciously inclin'd , To reade these lines my rusticke Pen compile : Know ( Royall Sir ( Tom Coriat works the wile , Your high displeasure on my head to bring ; And well I wot , the sot , his words can file , In hope my fortunes head-long down to fling . The King , whose Wisdome through the world did ring , Did heare the cause of two offending Harlots ; So , I beseech thee ( Great ) great Britaines King , To do the like for two contending Varlots . A brace of Knaves your Majestie implores , To heare their suites as Solomon heard Whores , A Ribble-Rabble of Gossips . THe space of a fortnight from the Bear-baiting , two houres and a halfe from the Wind-mill , about foure of the Clocke in the forenoone , a little after supper in the morning , betweene old mother Maudlin , of the Parish of Ideots , Plaintiffe , of the one party , and Gossip Gitlian , of Gossips Hall , in the Parish of Twattlebourgh , of the other party , Defendant . A mauer in Controversie depending of issues , whereupon it was constulted by the right reverend Matron , Madam Isabel , that Katharine should go no more a Maying with Susan in the coole of the Evening before sun-rising , whereupon Lister took the matter snuffe , and swore by the crosse of Audr●… Bugle-bow that Ione should jogge to 〈…〉 house to borrow her poking sticke : upon this Philiday starts up very jeparately , and commands Marget to make haste to Rache 〈…〉 house , and borrow a dozen of left handed spoones : now old Sibill all this while sate mumping like a Gib-Cat , and on the sudden she starts up , and thrusts Charity out of doores , to take up her lodging where shee could get it ; Doll being much offended to see Marget invited to Prec●●●aes wedding , by no meanes could suffer Abigaile to breake her fa●…t before she got Victuals ; presently Bettrice whispers Cicily in the care foftly , that all the company heard it , and bad her tell Alice , that unlesse she took heed , the pot would run over , and the fat lie in the fire ; at this Mary clap'd her hands together , and entreats Blanch to tell her Cozen Edith , how shee should say that Luce should say , that Elizabeth should do the thihg she wots of . Amy hearing all this with a judiciall understanding capacity , at last tels Parnell , that her daughter Rebecka was gone to lie at her Aunt Christians house in Shooing-horne Alley . Now in the heat of all this businesse , Barbara tels Frances how there is good Ale at the Labour-in-vaine : the matter being brought to this passe , Winifrid sayes that her goddaughter Grace , is newly brought , ( God blesse the child ) and that Constance the Comfit-makers wife , at the signe of the Spiders leg , must be Gossip ; out alas sayes Temperance , what have I forgot , I should have been an houre agone at Prudences the Laundresse , to have taken measure of a paire of Cuffes for her Maid Dorcas : Now to conclude the businesse , Martha protests that she will never trust Thomasin againe while she lives , because she promised to meet her at Pimlico , and bring her neighbour Bethya with her , and came not . Neverthelesse Faith went to mother Red-Caps , & by the way metwith Ioyce , who very kindly batled her peny w th her at a fat Pig. Well quoth Sara , all this wind shakes no corn , and I should have bin a starching Mistresse Mercies Lawne Apron , and like a good Huswife I am prating heere . Neighbours and friends , quoth Arbella , seeing the matter drawes toward so good a conclusion , let 's een have the tother Pint before we go ; truly sayes Iane , the motion is not to be misliked , what say you Gossip Vrsula truly sayes Ellin , I would go with you with all my heart , but I promist to meet Lydya at a Lector that we might take a neighbourly nap together . Vpon this rose a hurly burly , that the whole assembly dispersed themselves divers wayes , some one way , some another , and in conclusion , the businesse was all wisely ended as it was begun . A Beare . Beare and forbeare , I now speake of the Beare , And therefore ( Reader ) give , or lend an Eare. FIrst therefore , in much briefenesse I am rendring Where , and how Beares have breeding and engendring , Some are Ossean , some are Callidonian , Some Aeremanthian Beares , and some Aemonian , Some rugged Russians , some Sun-burnt Numidians , Amphibians ) And lastly , the white swimming Beares , Some do affirme a Beare to be a creature , Whelp'd like a lump , with neither shape or feature , Untill the Damme doth licke it into fashion , And makes the lamp a Beare in transformation . As Taylors with their precious wisdomes Tallants , Do licke , and Metamorphose Gulls to Gallantt . Whereby a fashion oft is shap'd ( by chance ) Out of an ill-bread lumpe of ignorance . But for the Beare he keepes his shape most constant , The Taylor ( and his creatures ) change each instant , The Beare keepes still , the fashion he brought hither , The gallant Gull 's inconstant , like Weather . A Beare 's a temperate Beast , most free from riot , A prudent Schoolmaster , of sparing dyet , Hee 'le live foure moneths from every kind of meat , By sucking of his left foot , like a Teat . Which is an abstinence that doth require , More then the fast of a Carthusisian Fryer , No Capuchin , or immur'd Anchorite , Did never ( so much ) curbe his Appetite . And as Beares suffer hunger , I am sure , No beast created , doth more cold endure : When fridged Boreas blustring blasts do blow , Mid'st Rocks , of hoary Ice , and hills of Snow , The worst of Winters sharp extremity , The hardy Beare , abides most constantly . And in hot Africke , and the Libian Coast , Where Phaebus flames doth seeme the world to Roast : Where Negro Moores , are dride and blackly dide , That heat ( excessive ) there the Beare doth bide . So that with hunger , heat , and pinching cold , The Beares extremities are manifold . Being growne unto Maturity and strength , And having hither past the seas , at length , At Beare-Garden , ( a sweet Ro●…untious Golledge ) Hee 's taught the Rudiments of Art and knowledge . There doth he learne to dance , and ( gravely grumbling ) To fight & to be Active ( bravely tumbling ) To practise wards , and postures , to and fro , To guard himselfe , and to offend his foe ; Upon his hind feet , Tipto stiffe to stand , And cuffe a Dog off with his foot-like hand ; And afterwards ( for recreations sake ) Practise to run the Ring about the stake . Whilst showts , and Mastives mouthes do fill the sky That sure Acteon ne're had such a cry . Thus Beares do please the hearing and the sight , And sure their sent will any man invite : For whosoer'e spends most , shall finde this fauour , That by the Beares and Dogs , hee 's made a savour . And as a Common-wealth , ( oft by Ill-willers ; ) Is vex'd by prowling knaves , and Caterpillars , So is a Beare ( which is a quiet Beast ) By Curres and Mungrels , oftentimes opprest . And tyde to what he doth hee 's bound to see , The best and worst of all their cruelty . And for mens monies , what shift ere they make for 't , What ere is laid or paid , the Beare 's at stake for 't . Though he be hardly drawne to 't , 'gainst his will , Hee 's bound to see and beare , and bide much ill ; Besides the baiting of a Beare is rare , Unlike the baiting of a Horse or Mare : The Horse hath Provender , and Hey for Bait , And doth in peace and quiet eate his meat ; When as the Beare , is Tugg'd , Lugg'd , Bit & Beaten And eates no Bait , but likely to be Eaten . A Beare is like a Watchman by his coat , He weares a Rugge-Gowne alwayes ( if you note , ) And ( like a Watchman ) oft a Beare will be As mannerly , and watch as well as he . And as a grumbling Officer may weare A Collor and a Chaine , so doth a Beare . 'T is writ by Authors ( Philosophicall ) How that a Beare is usefull , Physicall , For Agues , and hot Feavers , take his haire , His Greace ( or Lard ) will aking Limbes repaire : His Marrow strengthens , ( if you do annoint ) Shrunk Sinewes , Nerves , or an enfeebled joint , The oyle boyl'd from his feet will operate The Gowtes tormenting much to mitigate , And when man 's in consumption , like to pine , The Bears pith's good , that grows amidst his Chine . A Beares skin Tann'd it 'h haire , is for a bed Better then Blanquet , Rugg , or Coverled . A Beares Teeth , Painters in high price do hold , To make them Instruments to gild with gold , And for his Furre it is such ex'lent stuffe , That Many a Lady weares it in a Muffe ; Dry a Beares Liver , and to Powder beat it , And let a Maid of forty five yeares eat it ; Although a thousand false Knaves would deceive her Yet she shall keep her Maidenhead for ever . Thus having shew'd of Beares their sundry breeding Their formes , their admirable sparing feeding : Their patience , courage , temperance , sortitude , And many vertues that have them endu'd , For feare I should mens patience much offend , I le give one short touch more and make an end . Then for the further honour of the Beares , They ( with the stars ) are mounted in their Sphears : There Vrsa Major in the firmament , Is stellifide , a glorious ornament , And there , the little Beare , ( a starre more finer ) Is call'd Artophilax , or Vrsa Minor , And who so reads the second part of Ovid , There shall they finde ( what here is writ ) approved . Now once againe , pray lend your eyes and eares , I le write of baiting of the Bulls and Beares . It is a Game so ancient , that I wot Records can scarce shew when we usde it not . Except now , in these sad infectious times , That heav'ns just hand doth plague us for our crimes , The Game is by authority supprest : And Beares , and Bulls , and Dogs , have too much rest , Through want of baiting growne to such a straine , ( Hard to be tam'd , or brought in frame againe ) Almost all mad for want of exercise , Filling the Aire with roaring and with cries , That those who neer the Bear-Garden are dwelling Do heare such bellowing bawling , yawling , yelling , As if Hell were broake loose , or ( truth to speake ) The Devils at foot-ball were or Barley-breake . There 's three couragious Bulls , as ever plaid , Twenty good Beares , as er'e to stake was taid , And seventy Mastives of such Breed and Races , That from fierce Lions will not turne their faces ; A male and female Ape ( kind Jacke and Jugge ) Who with sweet complement do kisse and hugge , And lastly there is Jacke an Apes his Horse , A Beast of fiery fortitude and force . As for the Game I boldly dare relate , 'T is not for Boyes , or fooles effeminate , For whoso'ere comes thither , most and least , May see and learne some courage from a Beast : And 't is not only a base Rabble Crew , That thither comes , It may be proved true , That to the Beare-Garden comes now and than , Some Gamesters worth ten thousand pounds a man. For rough behaviour that 's no great disgrace , There 's more hors-play us'd at each deere hors-race , More heads , or legs , or necks , are broake each day , At Cards , Dice , Tables , Bowles , or foot-ball-play . The Game hath been maintain'd , and will , we hope Be so againe ( now favour gives it scope ) For Kings , for Princes , for Ambassadors , Both for our Countreym●…n , and forreigners . Which hath been held , a Royalty and Game , And ( though ecclips'd ) will be againe the same . But now ( to make an end ) must be explain'd , How it the name of Paris-Garden gan'd : The name of it was from a Royall Boy , ( Brave Illions fire-brand , wracke and sacke of Troy ) Paris ( King Priams sonne ) a sucking child , Was throwne away into the woods so wilde , There that young Prince was cast to live or perish , And there a Bear with sucke , the babe did cherish ; And as a rare memoriall of the same , From Paris , Paris-Garden hath the name . Those that will not beleeve it , let them go To France , in Paris , they may find it so , Or if not there , let them looke narrowly , In Matthew Paris famous History . And that we have obtain'd againe the Game , Our Paris-Garden Flag proclaimes the same . Our Beares , and Bulls , and Dogs , in former state , The streets of London do perambulate , And honest sport , and lawfull merriment , Shall thrice a weeke be shew'd , to give content . Heere followes the Names of the Bulls and Beares at the Beare-Garden now . The Bulls are , 1 Goldilocks . 2 Emperour . 3 Dash. 4 Iugler . The Beares are , 1 Ned of Canterbury . 2 George of Cambridge . 3 Don Iohn . 4 Ben Hunt. 5 Nan Stiles . 6 Beefe of Ipswich . 7 Robin Hood . 8 Blind Robin . 9 Iudith of Cambridge . 10 Besse Hill. 11 Kate of Kent . 12 Rose of Bedlam . 13 Nan Talbot . 14 Mall Cut-Purse . 15 Nell of Holland . two white Beares . 16 Mad Besse 17 Will Tookey 18 Besse Runner . 19 Tom Dogged . If any will have one of these , or some , Or all , let them to our Beare-Garden come : These beasts are for their service bound , & 〈◊〉 And there their pleasures may be satisfide . Vpon the goodnesse of a worthinesse of Horses , with a merry touch of the Beare-Garden Palfrey , or Jacke-an-Apes his Horse . MY Muse is Mounted 'twixt the soaring wings Of Pegasus , who bravely flies and flings Through ayre , through clouds , through sun-shine , & descries Each earthly Regions Rare Varieties . The numbers infinite , of sundry creatures , Their strange diversity in formes and Natures , And as in gliding flight , I swiftly soare Or'e Sun-burnt Africke , and the Libian shore , There ( with much pleasure ) I did cast mine eye Upon the well-made Horse of Barbarie , And crossing or'e the Mediterran Maine , I saw the prauncing Jennet of proud Spaine , straight the Iberian fume of Aristippus , ●…url'd us to Greece , and there I view'd their Hippos . Then back or'e Italy amaine we flew , Whereas their fierce Cavallo I did view , In Naples I the Courser brave espide , Thence , we or'e Almaine , and low Belgia glide , There my Muse saw the bounding Palfrey Prancē , From thence my wing'd horse bore me over France There foaming fiery hot the gallant Gaul , Did daunce Corantoes with his Frenth Chevall . Then or'e Hibernia , we tooke speedy flight , And there the Irish Hobby pleas'd my sight , Then my Pegasian wings began to flag , I view'd the English Steed , and Scottish Nag . And as the heat of blood my Bcast inflames He kick'd and threw me headlong into * Thames , And as I fell , his hoofe bestow'd a wince , Upon my pate , and there 's the marke ere since . The gentle River at my fall did grieve , Set me on land safe , gave me meanes to live : And Pegasus inspir'd me with his heele , That ever since an itching vaine I feele , Of sprightfull Poesie , though not so well , As men may say I therein do excell . But I can do ( as many more have done ) Bring Reames of Paper to confusion . Nor doth my Muse rejoyce in merriments , Drawne from wits sorded obsceane excrements ; I le curbe her in , from medling with the State , Or libelling 'gainst men infortunate , I meane to keep my eares upon my head , And on mens miseries I scorne to tread . I have observ'd no proud man ever yet , Did any thing but ruine , and hatred get ; I know obedience , and humilitie , Is best with all belov'd tranquilitie , I know the lawes guard me from mischiefes Jawes , Which lawes I love , & those that made those lawes Nor shall my lines ( for things indifferent ) In Church or Common-wealth er'e make a rent . Thus Pegasus did to Pernassus soare , And on the Thames I got a healthfull Oare , Which ofttimes I have us'd , and will againe , Meane time I le use the vigour of my braine , As Homer writ the warres of Mice and Frogs , So I ( his Ape ) do write of Beares and Dogs : Of Bulls , and Bulls begot by word of mouth Of Horses , and some Tales of age and youth , And now my Muse againe begins to mount , The Horses excellency to recount , You famous Palfreyes of the flaming Sunne , ( That scorn'd the management of Phaeton ) Who with the heat of Sol's bright Axelltree Caus'd all this under world on fire to be ; ( I know the morall meaning of the same , Is , man should not beyond true reason ayme . ) Let Ecus , Phlegon , Aethon , and Piruis , Apolloes golden Teame Assist my Muse , But 't is no matter , keepe your daily course , Without your aide my wit is nere the worse ; Whilst you are reeking with celestiall sweat I , of Terrestriall Horses meane to treat . A Horse ( of all the Beasts beneath the skie ) Is best , and most for mans commodity : His exact making gives the eye delight , A body brave , lin'd with a noble sprite , And though he knew no reson , or a mind , Yet unto man hee 's tractably enclin'd , In dangerous war , the Horse the brunt doth carry , Where every Rider seemes a Sagitary , In peace , a Horse for state , for Tilt or Tourney , For quicke dispatch , or ease in any journey , For pleasure , carriage , and for husbandry , The Horse doth furnish our necessity . The poorest Horse that is , or ever was , Doth much more service then the golden Asse , That 's deck'd with borrowed trappings , yet such beasts , Advance audaciously their brainlesse Crests , Neere where the Princely Lyon doth resort , And there in pride and sensuall lust do snort , Yet can they not out strip all beasts so farr , But Wisdomes eye perceives them what they are . The hunting Horse is of good use for pleasure . The Sumpter Horse doth understand the treasure . The Mill-horse hath an endlesse journey ( round ) The Pack-horse overladen measures ground , The Mare and Gelding servesour businesse well , Whilst ( for poore Hackneyes ) England is a Hell. And what 's a Horses gaine for all his paine , But bread , grasse , hay , oats , or such kind of Graine , tyres . That is the summum bonum , he desires , Through want of which there 's many a good Horse I have seene Gallants ( three parts drunke almost ) * Ride , as they meant to see the Devill in post , And when they to their journies end have come , Their horses mucky wet , with sweat and foame , The Riders fall unto their drinking vaine , The Ostler walkes the Horse a turne or twaine , Their jawes tyde up unto the empty Racke , The whilst their Riders smoake , and swallow sack , Quaffes , capers , sings a Katch , a round , or Ditty , And leaves the Horse unto the Hostlers pitty , And so the jades of meat do get such store , As Lazarus once had at the Gluttons dore . Thus many a good Horse proves a jade indeed Being over rid , and want whereon to feed , All those that to a beast beares such a mind , I wish them all so served in their kind . There 's many wayes , mens barbarous cruelty , Doth cause diseases multiplicity To be in Horses , and the damned Trade To sell a Botch'd sophisticated jade , In * Smithfield is in practise twice a weeke , He that beleeves me not , let him go seeke . There shall he see the ambler made to trot , The lame and founderd , lusty , ( being hot ) The trotter shall be forc'd with ease to amble , And through the horsemarket shall be such scamble With galloping , and trotting , ambling , pacing , Most odious swearing , lying , and out-facing , Such dawbing horses griefes with counterfeiting , That hee 's a cunning buyer scapes their cheating . In ancient times , horses much fame did gaine , Which Poets and Historians do maintaine : Besides the swist skie-scalding Pegasus , Great Alexander had Bucephalus , Reinoldo had his Bayard , and there are , Names giv'n to horses , both in peace and war. But leaving stately horses , it is found † The Bear-garden is circular , or rovnd , Where Iack-an-Apes his horse doth swiftly run His circuit , like the horses of the Snn. And quicke as lightning , his will trace and track , Making that endlesse round his Zodiacke , Which Iacke ( his Rider ) bravely rides a straddle , And in his hot Careere perfumes the saddle ; Hee 's active , and hee 's passive in his pace , And sprung from ancient and approved race , His grandsires grandsire , was begot perforce , Between the Night-mare , and the Trojan Horse , That female Horse of Sinon , in whose wombe A hundred well-arm'd mad Colts had their roome , Wch being foald , spoild Troy , with sword & flame , and from that Jade , our jade descent doth claime , For ( as his parents oft have done before ) He alvvayes keepes a jadish tricke in store . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A13429-e240 * * I unumerable are the people and families that live by the Bull , and the Bulls off-spring . Notes for div A13429-e10950 * * Pegasus cast me off his backe , and I sell into the Thames , which was the cause I serv'd an apprentiship to be a Waterman . * * The had usage of unconscionable riders to horses * * Much cheeting in Smithfield , in buying and selling Horses . † † Vpon the Bearegarden Horse .