The great eater, of Kent, or Part of the admirable teeth and stomacks exploits of Nicholas Wood, of Harrisom in the county of Kent His excessiue manner of eating without manners, in strange and true manner described, by Iohn Taylor.
         Taylor, John, 1580-1653.
      
       
         
           1630
        
      
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             The great eater, of Kent, or Part of the admirable teeth and stomacks exploits of Nicholas Wood, of Harrisom in the county of Kent His excessiue manner of eating without manners, in strange and true manner described, by Iohn Taylor.
             Taylor, John, 1580-1653.
          
           [4], 20 p.
           
             Printed by Elizabeth Allde, for Henry Gosson, and are to be sold on London Bridge,
             London :
             1630.
          
           
             Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Wood, Nicholas, -- of Harrison, Kent.
           Food habits -- England -- Early works to 1800.
        
      
    
     
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           THE
           GREAT
           EATER
           ,
           OF
           KENT
           ,
           OR
           PART
           OF
           THE
           ADMIRABLE
           TEETH
           AND
           Stomacks
           Exploits
           of
           
             Nicholas
             Wood
          
           ,
           of
           Harrisom
           in
           the
           County
           of
           KENT
           .
        
         
           HIS
           EXCESSIVE
           MANNER
           OF
           EATING
           WITHOVT
           manners
           ,
           in
           strange
           and
           true
           manner
           described
           ,
           by
           
             Iohn
             Taylor
          
           .
        
         
           LONDON
           ,
           Printed
           by
           ELIZABETH
           ALLDE
           ,
           for
           
             Henry
             Gosson
          
           ,
           and
           are
           to
           be
           sold
           on
           London
           Bridge
           .
           1630.
           
        
      
       
         
         
         
           TO
           THE
           MOST
           FAMOVS
           ,
           INFAMOVS
           ,
           HIGH
           AND
           Mighty
           Feeder
           ,
           
             Nicholas
             Wood
          
           ,
           Great
           and
           Grand
           Gurmandizer
           of
           Harrisom
           in
           the
           County
           of
           Kent
           .
        
         
           MOst
           exorbitant
           Paunchmonger
           ,
           I
           hauing
           taken
           much
           vnnecessary
           paines
           in
           writing
           these
           fewe
           collections
           of
           your
           deseruing
           Acts
           ,
           in
           memory
           thereof
           haue
           erected
           this
           Monument
           of
           incke
           and
           paper
           .
           Herostratus
           was
           famous
           for
           burning
           the
           Temple
           of
           Diana
           in
           
             Ephesus
             :
             Dedalus
          
           for
           flying
           in
           the
           Ayre
           ,
           and
           Leander
           for
           swimming
           ouer
           the
           Hellespontick
           sea
           :
           So
           by
           this
           small
           Treatise
           of
           your
           vertues
           ,
           will
           your
           vnmatchable
           exploits
           be
           preserued
           to
           posterity
           ,
           that
           time
           ,
           or
           obliuion
           shall
           neuer
           eate
           out
           or
           deuoure
           the
           happy
           memory
           of
           your
           eating
           ;
           Yet
           (
           not
           to
           flatter
           you
           )
           
           though
           you
           are
           the
           absolutest
           man
           of
           mouth
           ,
           and
           the
           most
           renowned
           stifgut
           in
           this
           Westerne
           Angle
           of
           the
           World
           ,
           yet
           we
           haue
           as
           great
           or
           greater
           Faters
           then
           your selfe
           ,
           which
           are
           scarcely
           thought
           vpon
           :
           there
           are
           some
           ,
           that
           with
           the
           vnsauoury
           sawce
           of
           Enuy
           ,
           will
           eate
           vp
           a
           mans
           name
           and
           reputation
           ,
           and
           leaue
           nothing
           but
           the
           bones
           and
           scraps
           of
           infamy
           and
           scandall
           ;
           some
           eate
           vp
           whole
           Lordships
           without
           Mannours
           ,
           and
           some
           deuoure
           Mannours
           and
           leaue
           nothing
           but
           bare
           Lordships
           :
           your
           exercise
           is
           onely
           for
           the
           Maw
           ,
           and
           your
           Excellency
           consists
           totally
           in
           Crambo
           ;
           I
           haue
           done
           my
           best
           to
           please
           and
           pleasure
           you
           .
           And
           not
           knowing
           where
           to
           finde
           a
           fit
           Patron
           ,
           I
           am
           bold
           to
           dedicate
           it
           to
           your
           digestion
           ,
           wishing
           that
           your
           teeth
           &
           stomack
           may
           be
           euer
           sharpe-set
           ,
           and
           that
           your
           meate
           may
           be
           wanting
           before
           your
           Appetite
           .
        
         
           
             Yours
             ,
             He
             that
             not
             onely
             admire
             and
             wonders
             at
             you
             ,
             but
             hath
             taken
             these
             insuing
             paines
             ,
             to
             make
             the
             world
             anmire
             with
             him
             ,
             IOHN
             TAYLOR
             .
          
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           THE
           GREAT
           EATER
           OF
           KENT
           .
        
         
           REcords
           and
           Histories
           doe
           make
           memorable
           mention
           of
           the
           diuersitie
           of
           qualities
           of
           sundry
           famous
           persons
           ,
           men
           and
           women
           ,
           in
           all
           the
           Countries
           and
           Regions
           of
           the
           world
           ,
           how
           some
           are
           remembred
           for
           their
           Piety
           and
           Pitty
           ;
           some
           for
           Iustice
           ;
           some
           for
           Seuerity
           ,
           for
           Learning
           ,
           Wisedome
           ,
           Temperance
           ,
           Constancie
           ,
           Patience
           ,
           with
           all
           the
           vertues
           Diuine
           ,
           and
           morall
           :
           Some
           againe
           haue
           purchased
           a
           memory
           for
           Greatnesse
           and
           Talnesse
           of
           body
           ;
           some
           for
           Dwarfish
           smalnesse
           ;
           some
           for
           beautifull
           outsides
           ,
           faire
           feature
           and
           composition
           of
           Limbs
           and
           stature
           ;
           many
           haue
           gotten
           an
           earthly
           perpetuity
           for
           cruelty
           and
           murther
           ,
           as
           
             Nero
             ,
             Commodus
          
           ,
           and
           others
           :
           for
           Leachery
           ,
           as
           Heliogabalus
           :
           for
           Drunkennesse
           ,
           
             Tiberius
             ,
             (
             alias
             Biberius
             :
             )
          
           for
           Effeminacy
           ,
           as
           Sardanapalus
           :
           for
           Gluttony
           ,
           
             Aulus
             Vitellius
          
           ,
           who
           at
           one
           supper
           was
           serued
           with
           two
           thousand
           sorts
           of
           fishes
           ,
           and
           seuen
           
           thousand
           fowles
           ,
           as
           Suetonius
           writes
           in
           his
           ninth
           Booke
           ,
           and
           Iosephus
           in
           his
           fifth
           Booke
           of
           the
           Iewes
           warres
           .
           Caligula
           was
           famous
           for
           Ambition
           ,
           for
           hee
           would
           bee
           ador'd
           as
           a
           God
           ,
           though
           he
           liu'd
           like
           a
           Deuill
           ,
           poysoning
           his
           Vnkle
           and
           deflowring
           all
           his
           Sisters
           :
           And
           in
           all
           ages
           and
           Countries
           ,
           time
           hath
           still
           produc'd
           particular
           persons
           ,
           men
           &
           women
           ,
           either
           for
           their
           vertues
           or
           their
           vices
           ,
           to
           be
           remembred
           ,
           that
           by
           meditating
           on
           the
           good
           ,
           we
           may
           bee
           imitating
           their
           goodnesse
           ,
           and
           by
           viewing
           the
           bad
           ,
           we
           might
           be
           eschewing
           their
           vices
           .
        
         
           To
           descend
           lower
           to
           more
           familiar
           examples
           ,
           I
           haue
           knowne
           a
           great
           man
           very
           expert
           on
           the
           Iewes-harpe
           ;
           a
           rich
           heire
           excellent
           at
           Noddy
           ,
           a
           Iustice
           of
           the
           Peace
           skilfull
           at
           Quoytes
           ;
           a
           Marchants
           wife
           a
           quicke
           Gamester
           at
           Irish
           (
           especially
           when
           she
           came
           to
           beating
           of
           men
           )
           that
           she
           would
           seldome
           misse
           entring
           .
           Monsieur
           
             La
             Ferr
          
           a
           French-man
           ,
           was
           the
           first
           inuentor
           of
           the
           admirable
           Game
           of
           Double-hand
           ,
           Hot-cockles
           ,
           &
           
             Gregorie
             Dawson
          
           an
           English
           man
           ,
           deuised
           the
           vnmatchable
           mystery
           of
           Blind-man-buffe
           .
           Some
           haue
           the
           agility
           to
           ride
           Poast
           ,
           some
           the
           facility
           to
           runne
           Poast
           ;
           some
           the
           dexterity
           to
           write
           Poast
           ,
           and
           some
           the
           ability
           to
           speake
           poast
           :
           For
           I
           haue
           heard
           a
           fellow
           make
           a
           Hackney
           of
           his
           tongue
           ,
           &
           in
           a
           moment
           he
           hath
           gallop'd
           a
           Lye
           from
           China
           to
           London
           ,
           without
           Bridle
           or
           
           Saddle
           .
           Others
           doe
           speake
           poast
           ,
           in
           a
           thicke
           shuffling
           kind
           of
           Ambling-trot
           ,
           and
           that
           in
           such
           speede
           ,
           that
           one
           of
           them
           shall
           talke
           more
           in
           one
           quarter
           of
           an
           houre
           ,
           then
           shall
           be
           vnderstood
           in
           seuen
           yeeres
           .
           And
           as
           euery
           one
           hath
           particular
           qualities
           to
           themselues
           ,
           and
           dissonant
           from
           others
           ,
           so
           are
           the
           manners
           of
           liues
           (
           or
           liuings
           )
           of
           all
           men
           and
           women
           various
           one
           from
           another
           ;
           as
           some
           get
           their
           liuing
           by
           their
           tongues
           ,
           as
           Interpreters
           ,
           Lawyers
           ,
           Oratours
           ,
           and
           Flatterers
           ;
           some
           by
           tayles
           ,
           as
           Maquerellaes
           ,
           Concubines
           ,
           Curtezanes
           ,
           or
           in
           plaine
           English
           ,
           Whores
           ;
           Some
           by
           their
           feete
           ,
           as
           Dancers
           ,
           Lackeyes
           ,
           Foot-men
           ,
           and
           Weauers
           ,
           and
           Knights
           of
           the
           publicke
           or
           common
           order
           of
           the
           Forke
           ;
           Some
           by
           their
           braines
           ,
           as
           Politicians
           ,
           Monopolists
           ,
           Proiectmongers
           ,
           Suit-ioggers
           ,
           and
           Stargazers
           ;
           Some
           (
           like
           the
           Salamander
           )
           liue
           by
           fire
           ,
           as
           the
           whole
           Race
           of
           Tubalcaine
           ,
           the
           Vulcanean
           Broode
           of
           Blacksmiths
           ,
           fire-men
           ,
           Colliers
           ,
           Gunners
           ,
           Gun-founders
           ,
           and
           all
           sorts
           of
           mettle-men
           ;
           Some
           like
           the
           Cameleon
           ,
           by
           the
           Ayre
           ,
           and
           such
           are
           Poets
           ,
           Trumpetters
           ,
           Cornets
           ,
           Recorders
           ,
           Pipers
           ,
           Bag-pipers
           ;
           and
           some
           by
           smoake
           ,
           as
           Tobacconists
           ,
           Knights
           of
           the
           Vapour
           ,
           Gentlemen
           of
           the
           Whiffe
           ,
           Esquires
           of
           the
           Pipe
           ,
           Gallants
           in
           Fumo
           ;
           Some
           liue
           by
           the
           Water
           as
           Herrings
           doe
           ,
           such
           are
           Brewers
           ,
           Vintners
           ,
           Dyers
           ,
           Mariners
           ,
           Fisher-men
           ,
           and
           
           Scullers
           ;
           And
           many
           like
           Moles
           liue
           by
           the
           Earth
           ,
           as
           griping
           Vsurers
           ,
           racking
           Land-lords
           ,
           toyling
           Plowmen
           ,
           moyling
           Labourers
           ,
           painefull
           Gardners
           ,
           and
           others
           .
        
         
           Amongst
           all
           these
           before
           mentioned
           ,
           and
           many
           more
           which
           I
           could
           recite
           ,
           this
           subiect
           of
           my
           Pen
           is
           not
           (
           for
           his
           qualitie
           )
           inferiour
           to
           any
           :
           and
           as
           neere
           as
           I
           can
           ,
           I
           will
           stretch
           my
           wit
           vpon
           the
           Tenters
           ,
           to
           describe
           his
           name
           and
           Character
           ,
           his
           worthy
           Actes
           shall
           be
           related
           after
           
             in
             due
             time
             duely
          
           .
        
         
           And
           ,
           Be
           it
           knowne
           vnto
           all
           men
           ,
           to
           whom
           these
           presents
           shall
           come
           ,
           that
           I
           
             Iohn
             Taylor
          
           ,
           Waterman
           of
           Saint
           Sauiours
           in
           Southwarke
           ,
           in
           the
           County
           of
           Surrey
           ,
           the
           Writer
           hereof
           ,
           &c.
           will
           write
           plaine
           truth
           ,
           bare
           and
           threed-bare
           ,
           and
           almost
           starke-naked-truth
           ,
           of
           the
           descriptions
           ,
           and
           remarkable
           ,
           memorable
           Actions
           of
           
             Nicholas
             Wood
          
           ,
           of
           the
           Parish
           of
           Harrisom
           in
           the
           County
           of
           Kent
           ,
           Yeoman
           ,
           for
           these
           considerations
           following
           .
        
         
           First
           ,
           I
           were
           to
           blame
           to
           write
           more
           then
           truth
           ,
           because
           that
           which
           is
           knowne
           to
           be
           true
           ,
           is
           enough
           .
        
         
           Secondly
           ,
           that
           which
           is
           onely
           true
           ,
           is
           too
           much
           .
        
         
           Thirdly
           ,
           the
           truth
           will
           hardly
           be
           beleeued
           ,
           being
           so
           much
           beyond
           mans
           reason
           to
           conceiue
           .
        
         
           Fourthly
           ,
           I
           shall
           runne
           the
           hazzard
           to
           bee
           
           accounted
           a
           great
           lyer
           ,
           in
           writing
           the
           truth
           .
        
         
           Lastly
           ,
           I
           will
           not
           lye
           ,
           on
           purpose
           to
           make
           all
           those
           lyers
           that
           esteeme
           me
           so
           .
        
         
           Yet
           by
           your
           leaue
           ,
           Master
           Critick
           ,
           you
           must
           giue
           me
           licence
           to
           flourish
           my
           Phrases
           ,
           to
           embellish
           my
           lines
           ,
           to
           adorne
           my
           Oratory
           ,
           to
           embroder
           my
           speeches
           ,
           to
           enterlace
           my
           words
           ,
           to
           draw
           out
           my
           sayings
           ,
           and
           to
           bumbaste
           the
           whole
           suite
           of
           the
           businesse
           for
           the
           time
           of
           your
           wearing
           .
           For
           though
           truth
           appeareth
           best
           bare
           in
           matters
           of
           Iustice
           ,
           yet
           in
           this
           I
           hold
           it
           decent
           to
           attire
           her
           with
           such
           poore
           raggs
           as
           I
           haue
           ,
           in
           stead
           of
           Robes
           .
        
         
           First
           then
           ;
           the
           place
           of
           his
           birth
           ,
           and
           names
           of
           his
           parents
           are
           to
           me
           a
           meere
           
             Terra
             incognita
          
           ,
           as
           farre
           from
           my
           knowledge
           ,
           as
           content
           from
           a
           Vsurer
           ,
           or
           honesty
           from
           a
           Bawde
           ,
           but
           if
           hee
           be
           no
           Christian
           ,
           the
           matter
           is
           not
           much
           ,
           hee
           will
           serue
           well
           enough
           for
           a
           man
           of
           Kent
           ;
           and
           if
           his
           education
           had
           beene
           as
           his
           Feeding
           ,
           it
           is
           euident
           he
           had
           been
           of
           most
           mighty
           breeding
           ;
           he
           hath
           gotten
           a
           foule
           name
           ,
           but
           I
           know
           not
           if
           it
           came
           to
           him
           by
           Baptisme
           ,
           for
           it
           is
           partly
           a
           
           Nick-name
           ,
           which
           in
           the
           totall
           is
           Nicholas
           ,
           I
           would
           abate
           him
           but
           a
           Saint
           ,
           and
           call
           him
           
             Nicholas
             Shambles
          
           ,
           and
           were
           the
           goodnesse
           of
           his
           purse
           answerable
           to
           the
           greatnesse
           of
           his
           appetite
           ,
           out
           of
           all
           question
           ,
           no
           man
           below
           the
           Moone
           would
           be
           a
           better
           customer
           to
           a
           shambles
           then
           he
           ,
           for
           though
           he
           be
           chaste
           of
           his
           body
           ,
           
           yet
           his
           minde
           is
           onely
           vpon
           flesh
           ,
           he
           is
           the
           onely
           Tugmutton
           ,
           or
           Muttonmonger
           betwixt
           Douer
           and
           Dunbarr
           :
           for
           hee
           hath
           eaten
           a
           whole
           Sheepe
           of
           sixteene
           shillings
           price
           ,
           raw
           at
           one
           meale
           (
           pardon
           me
           )
           I
           thinke
           hee
           left
           the
           skin
           ,
           the
           wooll
           ,
           the
           hornes
           ,
           and
           the
           bones
           :
           but
           what
           talke
           I
           of
           a
           Sheepe
           ,
           when
           it
           is
           apparantly
           knowne
           ,
           that
           he
           hath
           at
           one
           repast
           and
           with
           one
           dish
           ,
           feasted
           his
           Carkas
           with
           all
           manner
           of
           meates
           ?
           All
           men
           will
           confesse
           that
           a
           Hogge
           will
           eate
           any
           thing
           ,
           either
           fish
           ,
           flesh
           ,
           fowle
           ,
           root
           ,
           herbe
           ,
           or
           excrement
           ,
           and
           this
           same
           noble
           
             Nick
             Nicholas
          
           ,
           or
           
             Nicholas
             Nick
          
           ,
           hath
           made
           an
           end
           of
           a
           Hogge
           all
           at
           once
           ,
           as
           if
           it
           had
           bin
           but
           a
           Rabbet
           sucker
           ,
           and
           presently
           after
           ,
           for
           fruit
           to
           recreate
           his
           palate
           ,
           he
           hath
           swallowed
           three
           peckes
           of
           Damsons
           ,
           thus
           (
           Philosophically
           )
           by
           way
           of
           a
           Chimicall
           Infusion
           ,
           as
           a
           Hogge
           will
           eate
           all
           things
           that
           are
           to
           be
           eaten
           ,
           so
           he
           in
           eating
           the
           Hogge
           ,
           did
           in
           a
           manner
           of
           extraction
           distill
           all
           manner
           of
           meates
           thorow
           the
           Limbeck
           of
           his
           paunch
           .
        
         
           But
           hold
           a
           little
           ,
           I
           would
           be
           loath
           to
           cloy
           my
           Reader
           with
           too
           much
           meate
           and
           fruit
           at
           once
           ,
           so
           that
           after
           your
           Sheepe
           ,
           Hogge
           and
           Damsons
           ,
           I
           thinke
           it
           best
           to
           suffer
           you
           to
           pawse
           and
           picke
           your
           teeth
           (
           if
           you
           haue
           any
           )
           whilst
           I
           spend
           a
           few
           words
           more
           in
           Paraphrasing
           vpon
           his
           surname
           .
           Wood
           is
           his
           Appellation
           ,
           Denomination
           ,
           or
           how
           you
           please
           to
           tearme
           it
        
         
         
           Some
           of
           the
           ancient
           Philosophers
           haue
           compared
           man
           to
           a
           Tree
           with
           the
           bottome
           vpwards
           ,
           whose
           roote
           is
           the
           Braine
           ,
           the
           Armes
           Hands
           ,
           Fingers
           ,
           Legges
           ,
           Feete
           and
           Toes
           ,
           are
           the
           Limbs
           ,
           and
           Branches
           ,
           the
           comparison
           is
           very
           significant
           ,
           many
           Trees
           doe
           bring
           forth
           good
           fruit
           ,
           so
           doe
           some
           fewe
           men
           ;
           Some
           stately
           Trees
           growe
           high
           and
           faire
           ,
           yet
           stand
           for
           nothing
           but
           shades
           ,
           and
           some
           men
           grow
           high
           and
           lofty
           ,
           yet
           are
           nothing
           but
           shaddows
           ;
           Some
           Trees
           are
           so
           malignant
           ,
           that
           nothing
           can
           prosper
           vnder
           the
           compasse
           of
           their
           branches
           ;
           and
           some
           men
           are
           so
           vnlucky
           ,
           that
           very
           few
           can
           thriue
           in
           their
           seruice
           .
           And
           as
           of
           one
           part
           of
           a
           Tree
           a
           Chaire
           of
           State
           may
           be
           made
           ,
           and
           of
           another
           part
           a
           carued
           Image
           ,
           and
           of
           a
           third
           part
           a
           stoole
           of
           office
           ;
           So
           men
           ,
           being
           compounded
           and
           composed
           all
           of
           one
           mould
           and
           mettle
           ,
           are
           different
           and
           disconsonant
           in
           estates
           ,
           conditions
           ,
           and
           qualities
           .
           Too
           many
           (
           like
           the
           barren
           Fig-tree
           )
           beare
           leaues
           of
           hypocrisie
           ,
           but
           no
           fruites
           of
           Integrity
           ,
           who
           serue
           onely
           for
           a
           flourish
           in
           this
           life
           ,
           and
           a
           flame
           in
           that
           hereafter
           .
        
         
           So
           much
           for
           that
           :
           now
           to
           returne
           to
           my
           Theame
           of
           Wood
           ,
           (
           indeed
           this
           last
           disgression
           may
           make
           my
           Reader
           thinke
           that
           I
           could
           not
           see
           wood
           for
           trees
           )
           what
           Wood
           he
           is
           ,
           I
           know
           not
           ,
           but
           by
           his
           face
           he
           should
           be
           Maple
           ,
           or
           Crab-tree
           ,
           and
           by
           his
           stomacke
           ,
           sure
           he
           is
           
           heart
           of
           Oake
           ;
           some
           say
           he
           is
           a
           Meddler
           ,
           but
           by
           his
           stature
           ,
           he
           seemes
           like
           a
           low
           short
           Pine
           ,
           and
           certaine
           I
           am
           ,
           that
           hee
           is
           Popular
           ,
           a
           well
           tymberd
           piece
           ,
           or
           a
           store
           house
           for
           belly
           tymber
           .
        
         
           Now
           Gentlemen
           ,
           as
           I
           haue
           walked
           you
           amongst
           the
           Trees
           ,
           and
           thorow
           the
           Wood
           ,
           I
           pray
           set
           downe
           ,
           and
           take
           a
           taste
           or
           two
           more
           of
           this
           Banquet
           .
        
         
           What
           say
           you
           to
           the
           Leafe
           or
           Flecke
           of
           a
           Brawne
           new
           kild
           ,
           to
           be
           of
           weight
           eight
           pound
           ,
           and
           to
           be
           eaten
           hot
           out
           of
           the
           Bores
           belly
           raw
           ?
           much
           good
           doe
           you
           Gallants
           ,
           was
           it
           not
           a
           glorious
           dish
           ?
           and
           presently
           after
           (
           in
           stead
           of
           suckets
           ,
           twelue
           raw
           puddings
           .
           I
           speake
           not
           one
           word
           of
           drinke
           all
           this
           while
           ,
           for
           indeed
           he
           is
           no
           drunkard
           ,
           hee
           abhorres
           that
           swinish
           vice
           :
           Alehouses
           ,
           nor
           Tapsters
           cannot
           nick
           this
           Nick
           with
           froth
           ,
           curtoll
           Cannes
           ,
           tragicall
           blacke-pots
           ,
           and
           double-dealing
           bumbasted
           Iugges
           ,
           could
           neuer
           cheate
           him
           ,
           for
           one
           Pinte
           of
           Beere
           or
           Ale
           is
           enough
           to
           wash
           downe
           a
           Hog
           ,
           or
           water
           a
           Sheepe
           with
           him
           .
        
         
           Two
           Loynes
           of
           Mutton
           ,
           and
           one
           Loyne
           of
           Veale
           were
           but
           as
           three
           Sprats
           to
           him
           :
           Once
           at
           Sir
           
             Warrham
             Saint
             Leigers
          
           house
           ,
           and
           at
           Sir
           
             William
             Sydleyes
          
           he
           shewed
           himselfe
           so
           valiant
           of
           Teeth
           ,
           and
           Stomacke
           ,
           that
           hee
           ate
           as
           much
           as
           would
           well
           haue
           seru'd
           and
           suffic'd
           thirty
           men
           ,
           so
           that
           his
           belly
           was
           like
           to
           turne
           bankerupt
           and
           breake
           ,
           but
           that
           the
           Seruing-men
           turn'd
           
           him
           to
           the
           fire
           ,
           and
           anoynted
           his
           paunch
           with
           Greace
           and
           Butter
           ,
           to
           make
           it
           stretch
           and
           hold
           ;
           and
           afterwards
           being
           layd
           in
           bed
           ,
           hee
           slept
           eight
           houres
           ,
           and
           fasted
           all
           the
           while
           :
           which
           when
           the
           Knight
           vnderstood
           ,
           he
           commanded
           him
           to
           be
           laid
           in
           the
           stocks
           ,
           and
           there
           to
           endure
           as
           long
           time
           as
           he
           had
           laine
           bed
           rid
           with
           eating
           .
        
         
           Pompey
           the
           Great
           ,
           Alexander
           the
           Great
           ,
           Tamberlane
           the
           Great
           ,
           Charlemagne
           or
           Charles
           the
           Great
           ,
           Arthur
           the
           Great
           :
           all
           these
           gat
           the
           Title
           of
           Great
           ,
           for
           conquering
           Kingdomes
           ,
           and
           killing
           of
           men
           ;
           and
           surely
           eating
           is
           not
           a
           greater
           sinne
           then
           rapine
           ,
           theft
           ,
           manslaughter
           and
           murther
           .
           Therefore
           this
           noble
           Eatalian
           doth
           well
           deserue
           the
           Tytle
           of
           Great
           :
           wherefore
           I
           instile
           him
           Nicholas
           the
           Great
           (
           Eater
           :
           )
           And
           as
           these
           forenamed
           Greats
           haue
           ouerthrowne
           and
           wasted
           Countreyes
           ,
           and
           Hosts
           of
           men
           ,
           with
           the
           helpe
           of
           their
           Soldiers
           and
           followers
           ;
           so
           hath
           our
           Nick
           the
           Great
           ,
           (
           in
           his
           owne
           person
           )
           without
           the
           helpe
           or
           ayde
           of
           any
           man
           ,
           ouercome
           ,
           conquered
           ,
           and
           deuouted
           in
           one
           weeke
           ,
           as
           much
           as
           would
           haue
           sufficed
           a
           reasonable
           and
           sufficient
           Army
           in
           a
           day
           ,
           for
           hee
           hath
           at
           one
           meale
           made
           an
           assault
           vpon
           seuen
           dozen
           of
           good
           Rabbets
           at
           the
           Lord
           Wootons
           in
           Kent
           ,
           which
           in
           the
           totall
           is
           foure-score
           ,
           which
           number
           would
           well
           haue
           suffic'd
           a
           hundred
           ,
           three-score
           and
           eight
           hungry
           
           Soldiers
           ,
           allowing
           to
           each
           of
           them
           halfe
           a
           Rabbet
           .
        
         
           Bell
           ,
           the
           famous
           Idoll
           of
           the
           Babylonians
           ,
           was
           a
           meere
           imposture
           ,
           a
           Iuggling
           toye
           ,
           and
           a
           cheating
           bable
           ,
           in
           comparison
           of
           this
           
             Nicholaitan
             ,
             Kentish
             Tenterbelly
          
           ,
           the
           high
           and
           mighty
           Duke
           All-paunch
           ,
           was
           but
           a
           fiction
           to
           him
           .
           Milo
           the
           Crotonian
           could
           hardly
           be
           his
           equall
           :
           and
           Woolner
           of
           Windsor
           was
           not
           worthy
           to
           bee
           his
           foot-man
           .
           A
           quarter
           of
           fat
           Lambe
           ,
           and
           three-score
           Eggs
           haue
           beene
           but
           an
           easie
           colation
           ,
           and
           three
           well
           larded
           Pudding-pyes
           he
           hath
           at
           one
           time
           put
           to
           foyle
           ,
           eighteene
           yards
           of
           blacke
           Puddings
           (
           London
           measure
           )
           haue
           suddenly
           beene
           imprisoned
           in
           his
           sowse-tub
           .
           A
           Ducke
           raw
           with
           guts
           ,
           feathers
           ,
           and
           all
           (
           except
           the
           bill
           &
           the
           long
           feathers
           of
           the
           wings
           )
           hath
           swomme
           in
           the
           whirlepole
           or
           pond
           of
           his
           mawe
           ,
           and
           he
           told
           me
           ,
           that
           three-score
           pound
           of
           Cherries
           was
           but
           a
           kind
           of
           washing
           meate
           ,
           and
           that
           there
           was
           no
           tacke
           in
           them
           ,
           for
           hee
           had
           tride
           it
           at
           one
           time
           .
           But
           one
           
             Iohn
             Dale
          
           was
           too
           hard
           for
           him
           at
           a
           place
           called
           Lennam
           ,
           for
           the
           said
           Dale
           had
           laid
           a
           wager
           that
           he
           would
           fill
           Woods
           belly
           ,
           with
           good
           wholesome
           victuals
           for
           2.
           shillings
           ,
           &
           a
           Gentleman
           that
           laid
           the
           contrary
           ,
           did
           wager
           ,
           that
           as
           soone
           as
           noble
           Nick
           had
           eaten
           out
           Dales
           2.
           shillings
           ,
           that
           he
           should
           presently
           enter
           combate
           with
           a
           worthy
           Knight
           ,
           called
           Sir
           
             Loyne
             of
             Beefe
          
           ,
           &
           ouerthrow
           him
           ;
           in
           
           conclusion
           ,
           Dale
           bought
           6.
           pots
           of
           potent
           ,
           high
           ,
           and
           mighty
           Ale
           ,
           and
           twelue
           new
           penny
           white
           loaues
           ,
           which
           hee
           sop'd
           in
           the
           said
           Ale
           ,
           the
           powerfull
           fume
           whereof
           ,
           conquer'd
           the
           conqueror
           ,
           rob'd
           him
           of
           his
           reason
           ,
           bereft
           him
           of
           his
           wit
           ,
           violently
           tooke
           away
           his
           stomacke
           ,
           intoxicated
           his
           ●i●mater
           ,
           &
           entred
           the
           Sconce
           of
           his
           Pericranion
           ,
           blinde
           folded
           him
           with
           sleep
           ;
           setting
           a
           nap
           of
           nine
           houres
           for
           manacles
           vpon
           his
           
             threed-bare
             eyelids
          
           ,
           to
           the
           preseruation
           of
           the
           rost
           Beefe
           ,
           and
           the
           vnexpected
           winning
           of
           the
           wager
           .
        
         
           This
           inuincible
           Ale
           ,
           victoriously
           vanquish'd
           the
           vanquisher
           ,
           and
           ouer
           our
           Great
           Triumpher
           ,
           was
           Triumphant
           :
           But
           there
           are
           presidents
           enow
           of
           as
           potent
           men
           as
           our
           Nicholas
           ,
           that
           haue
           subdued
           Kings
           and
           Kingdomes
           ,
           and
           yet
           they
           themselues
           haue
           beene
           captiu'd
           and
           conquer'd
           by
           drinke
           ;
           wee
           need
           recite
           no
           more
           examples
           but
           the
           Great
           Alexander
           ,
           and
           Holophernes
           ,
           their
           ambition
           was
           boundlesse
           ,
           and
           so
           is
           the
           stomacke
           of
           my
           Pens
           subiect
           ,
           for
           all
           the
           foure
           Elements
           cannot
           cloy
           him
           ,
           fish
           from
           the
           deepest
           Ocean
           ,
           or
           purest
           Riuer
           ,
           fairest
           Pond
           ,
           foulest
           Ditch
           ,
           or
           dirtiest
           puddle
           .
           he
           hath
           a
           receite
           for
           Fowle
           of
           all
           sorts
           ,
           from
           the
           Wren
           to
           the
           Eagle
           ,
           from
           the
           Titmouse
           to
           the
           Estrich
           ,
           or
           Cassawaraway
           ,
           his
           paunch
           is
           either
           a
           Coope
           or
           a
           Roost
           for
           them
           :
           He
           hath
           (
           within
           himselfe
           )
           a
           stall
           for
           the
           Oxe
           ,
           a
           roome
           
           for
           the
           Cow
           ,
           a
           stye
           for
           the
           Hogge
           ,
           a
           Parke
           for
           the
           Deere
           ,
           a
           warren
           for
           Coneies
           ,
           a
           store-house
           for
           fruit
           ,
           a
           dayery
           for
           Milke
           ,
           Creame
           ,
           Curds
           ,
           Whay
           ,
           Butter-milke
           ,
           and
           Cheese
           :
           his
           mouth
           is
           a
           Mill
           of
           perpetuall
           motion
           ,
           for
           let
           the
           wind
           or
           the
           water
           rise
           or
           fall
           ,
           yet
           his
           teeth
           will
           euer
           bee
           grinding
           ;
           his
           guts
           are
           the
           Rendez-vous
           or
           meeting
           place
           or
           Burse
           for
           the
           Beasts
           of
           the
           fields
           ,
           the
           Fowles
           of
           the
           Ayre
           ,
           and
           Fishes
           of
           the
           Sea
           ;
           and
           though
           they
           be
           neuer
           so
           wild
           or
           disagreeing
           in
           Nature
           ,
           one
           to
           another
           ,
           yet
           hee
           binds
           or
           grindes
           them
           to
           the
           peace
           ,
           in
           such
           manner
           ,
           that
           they
           neuer
           fall
           at
           odds
           againe
           .
           His
           eating
           of
           a
           Sheepe
           ,
           a
           Hog
           ,
           and
           a
           Duck
           raw
           ,
           doth
           shew
           that
           he
           is
           free
           from
           the
           sinne
           of
           nicenesse
           or
           his
           curiosity
           in
           Dyet
           .
           (
           It
           had
           beene
           happy
           for
           the
           poore
           ,
           if
           their
           stomacks
           had
           beene
           of
           that
           constitution
           ,
           when
           seacoales
           were
           so
           deare
           here
           .
           )
           Besides
           ,
           he
           neuer
           troubles
           a
           Larder
           ,
           or
           Cupboord
           to
           lay
           cold
           meate
           in
           ,
           nor
           doth
           he
           keepe
           any
           Cats
           or
           Traps
           in
           his
           house
           to
           destroy
           vermin
           ,
           he
           takes
           so
           good
           a
           course
           ,
           that
           he
           layes
           or
           shuts
           vp
           all
           safe
           within
           himselfe
           ;
           in
           briefe
           ,
           giue
           him
           meate
           ,
           and
           he
           ne'r
           stands
           vpon
           the
           cookery
           ,
           he
           cares
           not
           for
           the
           Peacocke
           of
           Samos
           ,
           the
           Woodcock
           of
           Phrygia
           ,
           the
           Cranes
           of
           Malta
           ,
           the
           Pheasants
           of
           England
           ,
           the
           Caperkelly
           ,
           the
           Heathcocke
           ,
           and
           Termagant
           of
           Scotland
           ,
           the
           Goate
           of
           Wales
           ,
           the
           Salmon
           ,
           and
           Vsquabah
           of
           Ireland
           ,
           the
           Sawsedge
           
           of
           Bolognia
           ,
           the
           Skink
           of
           Westphalia
           ,
           the
           Spanish
           Potato
           ,
           he
           holds
           as
           a
           bable
           ,
           and
           the
           
             Italian
             Figge
          
           he
           esteemes
           as
           poyson
           .
        
         
           He
           is
           an
           English
           man
           ,
           and
           English
           dyet
           will
           serue
           his
           turne
           .
           If
           the
           
             Norfolk
             Dumplin
          
           ,
           and
           the
           
             Deuonshire
             White-pot
          
           ,
           be
           at
           variance
           ,
           he
           will
           atone
           them
           ,
           the
           Bag-puadings
           of
           Gloucester
           shire
           ,
           the
           Blacke-puddings
           of
           Worcester
           shire
           ,
           the
           
             Pan
             puddings
          
           of
           Shropshire
           ,
           the
           
             White
             puddings
          
           of
           Somersetshire
           ,
           the
           Hasty-puddings
           of
           Hamshire
           ,
           and
           the
           Pudding-pyes
           of
           any
           shire
           ,
           all
           is
           one
           to
           him
           ,
           nothing
           comes
           amisse
           ,
           a
           contented
           mind
           is
           worth
           all
           ,
           and
           let
           any
           thing
           come
           in
           the
           shape
           of
           fodder
           ,
           or
           eating
           stuffe
           ,
           it
           is
           welcome
           ,
           whether
           it
           bee
           Sawsedge
           ,
           or
           Custard
           ,
           or
           Eg-pye
           ,
           or
           Cheese-cake
           ,
           or
           Plawne
           ,
           or
           Foole
           ,
           or
           Froyze
           ,
           or
           Tanzy
           ,
           or
           Pancake
           ,
           or
           Fritter
           ,
           or
           Flap-iacke
           ,
           or
           
             Posset
             ,
             Galley-mawfrey
             ,
             Mackeroone
             ,
             Kickshaw
             ,
          
           or
           Tantablin
           ,
           he
           is
           no
           puling
           Meacocke
           ,
           nor
           in
           all
           his
           life
           time
           the
           queafinesse
           of
           his
           stomacke
           needed
           any
           sawcy
           spurre
           or
           switch
           of
           sowre
           Vertuice
           ,
           or
           acute
           Vinegar
           ,
           his
           appetite
           is
           no
           straggler
           ,
           nor
           is
           it
           euer
           to
           seeke
           ,
           for
           he
           keepes
           it
           close
           prisoner
           ,
           and
           like
           a
           courteous
           kind
           Iaylour
           ,
           he
           is
           very
           tender
           ouer
           it
           ,
           not
           suffering
           it
           to
           want
           any
           thing
           if
           he
           can
           by
           any
           meanes
           procure
           it
           :
           indeede
           it
           was
           neuer
           knowne
           to
           be
           so
           farre
           out
           of
           reparations
           ,
           that
           it
           needed
           the
           assistance
           of
           
             Cawdle
             ,
             Alebery
             ,
             Iulep
             ,
             Cullisse
             ,
             Grewell
             ,
          
           or
           stewd-broth
           ,
           onely
           a
           messe
           of
           plaine
           frugall
           
           Countrey
           Pottage
           was
           alwayes
           sufficient
           for
           him
           ,
           though
           it
           were
           but
           a
           
             washing-bowle
             full
          
           ,
           of
           the
           quantity
           of
           two
           pecks
           ,
           which
           porrenger
           of
           his
           ,
           I
           my selfe
           saw
           at
           the
           signe
           of
           the
           white
           Lyon
           at
           a
           Village
           called
           Harrisom
           in
           Kent
           ,
           the
           Hostesse
           of
           which
           house
           did
           affirme
           ,
           that
           hee
           did
           at
           once
           wash
           downe
           that
           Bowle
           full
           of
           pottage
           ,
           with
           nine
           penny
           loaues
           of
           bread
           ,
           and
           three
           Iugges
           of
           Beere
           .
        
         
           Indeed
           ,
           in
           my
           presence
           (
           after
           he
           had
           broken
           his
           fast
           )
           hauing
           (
           as
           he
           said
           )
           eaten
           one
           pottle
           of
           milke
           ,
           one
           pottle
           of
           pottage
           ,
           with
           bread
           ,
           butter
           ,
           and
           cheese
           :
           I
           then
           sent
           for
           him
           ,
           to
           the
           aforesaid
           Inne
           ,
           and
           after
           some
           accomodated
           salutations
           ,
           I
           asked
           him
           if
           hee
           could
           eate
           any
           thing
           ?
           He
           gaue
           me
           thankes
           ,
           and
           said
           ,
           that
           if
           he
           had
           knowne
           ,
           that
           any
           Gentleman
           would
           haue
           inuited
           him
           ,
           that
           he
           would
           haue
           spared
           his
           breakefast
           at
           home
           ,
           (
           and
           with
           that
           he
           told
           me
           as
           aforesaid
           ,
           what
           he
           had
           eaten
           )
           yet
           neuerthelesse
           (
           to
           doe
           me
           a
           courtesie
           )
           he
           would
           shew
           me
           some
           small
           cast
           of
           his
           office
           ,
           for
           he
           had
           one
           hole
           or
           corner
           in
           the
           profundity
           of
           his
           store-house
           ,
           into
           which
           he
           would
           stow
           and
           bestow
           any
           thing
           that
           the
           house
           would
           afford
           ,
           at
           his
           perill
           and
           my
           cost
           .
           Whereupon
           I
           summoned
           my
           Hostesse
           with
           three
           knocks
           vpon
           the
           Table
           ,
           two
           stamps
           on
           the
           floore
           ,
           with
           my
           fist
           and
           foot
           ,
           at
           which
           shee
           made
           her
           personall
           appearance
           with
           a
           low
           Curtsie
           ,
           and
           an
           inquisitiue
           What
           
           lacke
           ye
           ?
           I
           presently
           laid
           the
           authority
           of
           a
           bold
           Guest
           vpon
           her
           ,
           commanding
           that
           all
           the
           victuals
           in
           the
           house
           should
           be
           laid
           on
           the
           Table
           .
           She
           said
           ,
           she
           was
           but
           slenderly
           prouided
           ,
           by
           reason
           goodman
           Wood
           was
           there
           ,
           but
           what
           she
           had
           ,
           or
           could
           doe
           ,
           wee
           should
           presently
           haue
           :
           so
           the
           cloth
           was
           displaid
           ,
           the
           salt
           was
           aduanc'd
           ,
           sixe
           penny
           wheaten
           loaues
           were
           mounted
           two
           stories
           high
           like
           a
           Rampier
           ,
           three
           sixe-penny
           Veale
           pyes
           ,
           wall'd
           stiffly
           about
           ,
           and
           well
           victual'd
           within
           ,
           were
           presented
           to
           the
           hazzard
           of
           the
           Scalado
           ,
           one
           pound
           of
           sweet
           butter
           (
           being
           all
           fat
           and
           no
           bones
           )
           was
           in
           a
           cold
           sweat
           at
           this
           mighty
           preparation
           ,
           one
           good
           dish
           of
           Thorneback
           ,
           white
           as
           Alabaster
           or
           the
           Snow
           vpon
           the
           Scithian
           mountaines
           ,
           and
           in
           the
           Reare
           came
           vp
           an
           inch
           thick
           shyuer
           of
           a
           Peck
           house-hold
           loafe
           ;
           all
           which
           prouision
           were
           presently
           ,
           in
           the
           space
           of
           an
           houre
           vtterly
           confounded
           ,
           and
           brought
           to
           nothing
           ,
           by
           the
           meere
           and
           onely
           valourous
           dexterity
           of
           our
           vnmatchable
           grand
           Gurmound
           .
           He
           couragiously
           past
           the
           Pikes
           ,
           and
           I
           cleared
           the
           shot
           ,
           but
           the
           house
           yeelded
           no
           more
           ,
           so
           that
           my
           Guest
           arose
           vnsatisfied
           ,
           and
           my selfe
           discontented
           in
           being
           thrifty
           and
           sauing
           my
           money
           against
           my
           will.
           
        
         
           I
           did
           there
           offer
           him
           twenty
           shillings
           to
           bring
           him
           vp
           to
           me
           to
           my
           house
           on
           the
           Bank-side
           ,
           and
           there
           I
           would
           haue
           giuen
           him
           as
           much
           
           good
           meate
           ,
           as
           he
           would
           eate
           in
           tenne
           dayes
           ,
           one
           after
           another
           ,
           &
           fiue
           shillings
           a
           day
           euery
           day
           ,
           and
           at
           the
           tenne
           dayes
           end
           ,
           twenty
           shillings
           more
           ,
           to
           bring
           him
           downe
           againe
           .
           I
           did
           also
           offer
           tenne
           shillings
           to
           one
           
             Ieremy
             Robinson
          
           a
           Glouer
           (
           a
           man
           very
           inward
           with
           him
           )
           to
           attend
           and
           keepe
           him
           company
           ,
           and
           two
           shillings
           six
           pence
           the
           day
           ,
           with
           good
           dyet
           and
           lodging
           :
           all
           which
           were
           once
           accepted
           ,
           vntill
           Wood
           began
           to
           ruminate
           and
           examine
           what
           seruice
           he
           was
           to
           doe
           ,
           for
           these
           large
           allowances
           .
           Now
           my
           plot
           was
           to
           haue
           him
           to
           the
           Beare-garden
           ,
           and
           there
           before
           a
           house
           full
           of
           people
           ,
           he
           should
           haue
           eaten
           a
           wheele
           barrow
           full
           of
           Tripes
           ,
           and
           the
           next
           day
           ,
           as
           many
           puddings
           as
           should
           reach
           ouer
           the
           Thames
           (
           at
           a
           place
           which
           I
           would
           measure
           betwixt
           London
           and
           Richmond
           )
           the
           third
           day
           ,
           I
           would
           haue
           allowed
           him
           a
           fat
           Calfe
           ,
           or
           Sheepe
           of
           twenty
           shillings
           price
           ,
           and
           the
           fourth
           day
           he
           should
           haue
           had
           thirty
           Sheepes
           Geathers
           ,
           thus
           from
           day
           to
           day
           ,
           he
           should
           haue
           had
           wages
           &
           dyet
           with
           variety
           ;
           but
           he
           fearing
           that
           which
           his
           merits
           would
           amount
           vnto
           ,
           brake
           off
           the
           match
           ,
           saving
           ,
           that
           perhaps
           when
           his
           Grace
           ,
           (
           I
           guesse
           who
           he
           meant
           )
           should
           heare
           of
           one
           that
           ate
           so
           much
           ,
           and
           could
           worke
           so
           little
           ,
           he
           doubted
           there
           would
           come
           a
           command
           to
           hang
           him
           :
           whereupon
           our
           hopefull
           Beare-garden
           busines
           was
           shiuerd
           ,
           and
           shatterd
           in
           pieces
           .
        
         
         
           Indeed
           hee
           made
           a
           doubt
           of
           his
           expected
           performance
           in
           his
           quality
           ,
           by
           reason
           of
           his
           being
           growne
           in
           yeeres
           ,
           so
           that
           if
           his
           stomack
           should
           faile
           him
           publikely
           ,
           and
           lay
           his
           reputation
           in
           the
           mire
           ,
           it
           might
           haue
           beene
           a
           disparagement
           to
           him
           for
           euer
           ,
           and
           especially
           in
           Kent
           ,
           where
           he
           hath
           long
           beene
           famous
           ,
           hee
           would
           be
           loth
           to
           be
           defamed
           ;
           But
           as
           weake
           as
           he
           was
           ,
           he
           said
           ,
           that
           he
           could
           make
           a
           shift
           to
           destroy
           a
           fat
           Weather
           of
           a
           pound
           in
           two
           houres
           ,
           prouided
           that
           it
           were
           tenderly
           boild
           ,
           for
           he
           hath
           lost
           all
           his
           teeth
           (
           except
           one
           )
           in
           eating
           a
           quarter
           of
           Mutton
           ,
           (
           bones
           and
           all
           )
           at
           Ashford
           in
           the
           County
           aforesaid
           ,
           yet
           is
           he
           very
           quicke
           and
           nimble
           in
           his
           feeding
           ,
           and
           will
           ridde
           more
           Eating
           worke
           away
           in
           two
           houres
           ,
           then
           tenne
           of
           the
           hungriest
           Carters
           in
           the
           Parish
           where
           he
           dwells
           .
           He
           is
           surely
           noble
           (
           for
           his
           great
           Stomacke
           )
           and
           vertuous
           ,
           chiefely
           for
           his
           patience
           in
           putting
           
             vp
             much
          
           ;
           moreoeuer
           he
           is
           thrifty
           or
           frugall
           ,
           for
           when
           he
           can
           get
           no
           better
           meate
           ,
           he
           will
           eate
           Oxe
           Liuers
           ,
           or
           a
           messe
           of
           warme
           Ale-graines
           from
           a
           Brew-house
           .
           He
           is
           prouident
           and
           studious
           where
           to
           get
           more
           prouision
           as
           soone
           as
           all
           is
           spent
           ,
           and
           yet
           hee
           is
           bountifull
           or
           prodigall
           in
           spending
           all
           hee
           hath
           at
           once
           :
           hee
           is
           profitable
           in
           keeping
           bread
           and
           meate
           from
           mould
           and
           Maggots
           ,
           and
           sauing
           the
           charge
           of
           salt
           ,
           for
           
           his
           appetite
           will
           not
           waite
           and
           attend
           the
           poudring
           ;
           his
           courtesie
           is
           manifest
           ,
           for
           he
           had
           rather
           haue
           one
           Farewel
           then
           twenty
           Godbwyes
           :
           Of
           all
           things
           ,
           hee
           holds
           fasting
           to
           be
           a
           most
           superstitious
           branch
           of
           Popery
           ,
           he
           is
           a
           maine
           enemy
           to
           Ember
           weekes
           ,
           he
           hates
           Lent
           worse
           then
           a
           Butcher
           or
           a
           Puritan
           ,
           and
           the
           name
           of
           Good-friday
           affrights
           him
           like
           a
           Bulbegger
           ;
           a
           long
           Grace
           before
           meate
           ,
           strikes
           him
           into
           a
           Quotidian
           Ague
           ;
           in
           a
           word
           ,
           hee
           could
           wish
           that
           Christmas
           would
           dwell
           with
           vs
           all
           the
           yeere
           ,
           or
           that
           euery
           day
           were
           metamorphoz'd
           into
           Shrouetuesdayes
           ;
           in
           briefe
           ,
           he
           is
           a
           Magazine
           ,
           a
           store-house
           ,
           a
           Receptacle
           ,
           a
           Burse
           ,
           or
           Exchange
           ,
           a
           Babel
           or
           confusion
           for
           all
           Creatures
           .
        
         
           Hee
           is
           no
           Gamester
           ,
           neither
           at
           Dice
           ,
           or
           Cards
           ,
           yet
           there
           is
           not
           any
           man
           within
           forty
           miles
           of
           his
           head
           ,
           that
           can
           play
           with
           him
           at
           Maw
           ,
           and
           though
           his
           pasture
           be
           neuer
           so
           good
           ,
           he
           is
           alwayes
           like
           one
           of
           Pharaohs
           leane
           Kine
           ;
           he
           is
           swarty
           ,
           blackish
           haire
           ,
           Hawk-nosed
           (
           like
           a
           Parrot
           ,
           or
           a
           Roman
           )
           hee
           is
           wattle-Iawde
           ,
           and
           his
           eyes
           are
           sunke
           inward
           ,
           as
           if
           hee
           looked
           into
           the
           inside
           of
           his
           intrayles
           ,
           to
           note
           what
           custom'd
           or
           vncustom'd
           goods
           he
           tooke
           in
           ,
           whilst
           his
           belly
           (
           like
           a
           Maine-sayle
           in
           a
           calme
           )
           hangs
           ruffled
           and
           wrinkled
           (
           in
           folds
           and
           wreathes
           )
           flat
           to
           the
           mast
           of
           his
           empty
           carkasse
           ,
           till
           the
           
           storme
           of
           aboundance
           fills
           it
           ,
           and
           violently
           driues
           it
           into
           the
           full
           sea
           of
           satisfaction
           ,
        
         
           LIke
           as
           a
           Riuer
           to
           the
           Ocean
           bounds
           ,
        
         
           Or
           as
           a
           Garden
           to
           all
           Britaines
           grounds
           ,
        
         
           Or
           like
           a
           Candle
           to
           a
           flaming
           Linck
           ,
        
         
           Or
           as
           a
           single
           Ace
           ,
           vnto
           Sise
           Cinque
           :
        
         
           So
           short
           am
           I
           of
           what
           
             Nick
             Wood
          
           hath
           done
           ,
        
         
           That
           hauing
           ended
           ,
           I
           haue
           scarce
           begun
           :
        
         
           For
           I
           haue
           written
           but
           a
           taste
           in
           this
           ,
        
         
           To
           shew
           my
           Readers
           where
           ,
           and
           what
           he
           is
           .
        
      
       
         
           POSTSCRIPT
           .
        
         
           THou
           that
           putst
           down
           the
           Mault
           below
           the
           wheat
           ,
        
         
           That
           dost
           not
           eate
           to
           liue
           ,
           but
           liue
           to
           eate
           :
        
         
           Thou
           that
           the
           Sea-Whale
           ,
           and
           Land
           Wolfe
           excels
           :
        
         
           A
           foe
           to
           Bachus
           ,
           Champion
           of
           god
           Bels
           :
        
         
           I
           wish
           if
           any
           foreine
           foes
           intend
        
         
           Our
           famous
           I
           le
           of
           Britaine
           to
           offend
           ,
        
         
           That
           each
           of
           them
           had
           Stomacks
           like
           to
           thee
           ,
        
         
           That
           of
           each
           other
           they
           deuour'd
           might
           bee
           .
        
         
           Some
           haue
           drunke
           healths
           at
           once
           (
           to
           purchase
           fames
           )
        
         
           As
           there
           are
           letters
           in
           their
           Mistris
           names
           ,
        
         
           Others
           there
           are
           ,
           that
           drinke
           by
           rub
           and
           square
           ,
        
         
           And
           sound
           round
           drinkers
           there
           aboundance
           are
           ,
        
         
           These
           barely
           goe
           with
           making
           Barly
           deare
           ,
        
         
           And
           cunningly
           transforme
           themselues
           to
           Beere
           ,
        
         
           Or
           potent
           Ale
           ,
           or
           Iuice
           of
           French
           or
           Spanish
           ,
        
         
           Or
           Smoake
           ,
           (
           which
           Time
           and
           Coyne
           doth
           banish
           :
           )
        
         
         
           These
           are
           the
           sleights
           that
           halfe
           the
           world
           inchants
           ,
        
         
           These
           are
           the
           principles
           of
           woes
           and
           wants
           :
        
         
           But
           thou
           art
           free
           from
           drinking
           by
           the
           great
           ,
        
         
           Meat
           is
           for
           men
           ,
           and
           thou
           wer
           't
           made
           to
           eate
           .
        
         
           Though
           Maximinus
           ,
           Romes
           great
           Emperour
           ,
        
         
           Did
           forty
           pound
           of
           flesh
           each
           day
           deuoure
           ,
        
         
           Albinus
           th'Emperour
           did
           him
           surpasse
           ,
        
         
           Fiue
           hundred
           Figges
           by
           him
           downe
           swallow'd
           was
           ,
        
         
           Of
           Peaches
           he
           consum'd
           one
           hundred
           more
           ,
        
         
           Of
           great
           Musckmellons
           also
           halfe
           a
           score
           ,
        
         
           One
           hundred
           Birds
           ,
           all
           at
           one
           meale
           he
           cast
        
         
           Into
           his
           paunch
           ,
           at
           breaking
           of
           his
           fast
           .
        
         
           Pago
           surpassed
           both
           these
           two
           together
           ,
        
         
           A
           Bore
           ,
           a
           hundred
           loaues
           ,
           a
           Pigge
           ,
           a
           Weather
           ,
        
         
           All
           this
           the
           Rascall
           swallow'd
           at
           a
           meale
           ,
        
         
           (
           If
           Writers
           in
           their
           writing
           ,
           true
           doe
           deale
           .
           )
        
         
           But
           sure
           I
           am
           ,
           that
           what
           of
           thee
           is
           writ
           ,
        
         
           Is
           sure
           (
           although
           not
           all
           the
           truth
           ,
           or
           halfe
           of
           it
           :
           )
        
         
           Thou
           dost
           exceed
           all
           that
           our
           age
           e're
           saw
           ,
        
         
           Thou
           potent
           ,
           high
           ,
           and
           mighty
           men
           of
           maw
           .
        
         
           FINIS