The scourge of basenesse, or, The old lerry with a new kicksey, and a new cum twang with the old winsye wherein Iohn Taylor hath curried or clapperclawed, neere a thousand of his bad debters, who will not pay him vpon his returnes from Scotland, Germany, Bohemia, the voyages of the paper boate, and his nauigations to Yorke and Salsbury with Oates. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1624 Approx. 43 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13463 STC 23768 ESTC S1147 21467571 ocm 21467571 24005 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13463) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 24005) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1737:4) The scourge of basenesse, or, The old lerry with a new kicksey, and a new cum twang with the old winsye wherein Iohn Taylor hath curried or clapperclawed, neere a thousand of his bad debters, who will not pay him vpon his returnes from Scotland, Germany, Bohemia, the voyages of the paper boate, and his nauigations to Yorke and Salsbury with Oates. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. [47] p. Printed by N.O. for Mathew Walbancke, dwelling in Grayes Inne ... London : [1624] Epistle dedicatory signed: Iohn Taylor. T.p. cropped at bottom with loss of imprint date; date of imprint suggested by STC (2nd ed.) and NUC pre-1956 imprints. Signatures: A-C⁸. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Debt. 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-07 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-08 Jennifer Kietzman Sampled and proofread 2002-08 Jennifer Kietzman Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion The Scourge of Basenesse . OR The old Lerry with a new Kicksey , and a new cum twang with the old Winsye . VVherein Iohn Taylor hath curried or clapperclawed , neere a thousand of his bad Debters , who will not pay him vpon his Returnes from Scotland Germany , Bohemia , the voyages of the paper boate , and his Nauigations to Yorke and Salsbury with Oares . My Debters like seauen Eeles with slipry tailes , One sort 1 catch , sixe slips away and failes . London , Printed by N. O. for Mathew Walbanck● , dwelling in Graves 〈…〉 TO THE MIRROR OF GOOD FELLOWSHIP , THE PATterne of true Friendship , and the onely nonparallell of iouiall Entertainment ; Mr. Andrew Hilton , at the signe of the horshooe , at Daintree ; I. Taylor wisheth dayly increase of good Guests , tue payment , hearts content in this life , and afterward as much happines as his soule can desire . KInd Sir , I haue seene oftentimes men offering to snusfe a candle , haue against their wills put it cleane out ; and an vnskilfull Chirurgian taking a small greene wound in hand , hath brought it to an old Vlcer . I would be loath , for my part , to imitate either of these examples ; for my intent is , confession of the wrong I did you : and an endeauour to make amends . I doe confesse that I did you wrong in print , in my booke of my Trauels to Scotland , and now in print , I doe make you a publike satisfaction ; For , I protest to God , that I haue heard so much good report of you , that I am double sorry that I was so mistaken , and that I haue beene so long time before I haue printed my recantatiō . It was your Tapsters want of wit and manners , and my want of discretion , that was the grounds of my too much credulity and temerity . For his part I wish him no more harme , but that chalke may bee his best payments , Thunder may sowre his Hogsheads , Rats gnaw out his spigots at midnight , and himselfe to commit his witte to the keeping of a foole or a knaue while heliues ; And your hostlers , for gaping so greedily like gudgeons vpon mee , I pray that they may euery day mourne in litter and horse-dung . But these are but Iests by the way , for as many as knowes you , haue told mee that if you had beene at home , my entertainment had been better : if it had beene so , it had bin more then you owed me , and more then I at that time could haue required : but I would haue stretched my wit vpon the tenters of Inuention , in the praise of Innes and Inkeepers ; I would haue put the forgetfull world in minde of the good seruice that Rahab the Inne-keeper did at Iericho , in hiding and preseruing the spyes that were sent by Caleb and Ioshua ; I would haue made the obliuious logger-headed Age remember , that the Redeemer of the world did grace an Inne with his blessed birth : What place then but an Inne was the High Court of Heauen and Earth , the residence & lodging of the immortall King , of neuer-ending eternity ? This and more I would haue done , but what is past cannot be recalled , and it is too late to put olde omittings to new committings . And so my noble and thrice worthy hoste of hostes , I omit not to commit you and yours to the protection of him that made you , desiring you to take this merry Pamphlet in good part , or in earnest of my better amends , and as a qualifier of your Iust anger . Yours in the best of his eudeauours to be commanded , IOHN TAYLOR . To the Reader . MY hearty condemnations , I send forth , Vnto a crew of Rascals , nothing worth , ( Yet in some sort I wrong their high reputes Some of them are worth hanging for their sutes ) Such as ( to pay debts ) haue the meanes , not mindes , Whose words , and bonds , are coustant as the windes , Such as thinke satisfaction is a sinne , And he most veriuous that 's in debt most in , Such for whose sakes , ( to my aparent losse ) To Germany , I twice the Seas did crosse , To Scotland all on foot , and backe from thence , Not any Coyne about me for expence , And with a Rotten weake Browne paper Boate , To Quinborough , from London I did floate : Next to Bohemia , o're the raging maine , And troublous lands , I went , and came againe . Next with a Wherry , I to Yorke did Ferry , Which I did finde a voyage very merry . And lastly , late I made a desperate launte , From Famous London , ( sometimes Troynou●nte ) To Salisbury , through many a bitter blast , I , Rockes , and Sands , and foaming Billowes past , That in ten thousand mouthes , the City round , The lying , flying , newes was , I was drown'd : But I may see them hang'd before that day , Who are my Debtors , can , and will not pay : These toyle some passages I vndertooke , And gaue out Coyne , and many a hundred Booke , Which these base Mungrels tooke , and promist me To giue me siue for one , some foure , some three : But now these Hownds , no other pay affords , Then shifting , scornefull lookes , and seuruy words ; And sure I thinke , if I should harrow Hell. Where Diuels , and cursed Reprobates do dwell , I might finde many there , that are their betters , And haue more conscience , then my wicked debtors . Thus to my seauen-fold troope of friends and foes , My thankes , and angry Muse , thus onward goes . The VVhy and the VVherefore . I Haue published this Pamphlet , to let my rich debtors vnderstand , that as often as I meete them , I doe looke that they should pay mee : and although I am shamefaste in not asking my due , yet I would not haue them shamelesse in detaining it from me , because the summes are but small , and very easie for them ( in generall ) to pay , and would do me a particular good to receiue . Secondly , I haue sent this into the world , to informe some , that through their want doe shun and auoid my sight and company , that they are much deceiued in my disposition : for I euer did esteeme an honest heart and a willing minde , as well as their performances . Thirdly , there are some great men , who by reason of their extraordinary imployments , my small acquaintance , and lesse meanes of accesse vnto them , with my want of impudencie , and their mens want of courtesie to informe them , all these are lets , and demurres , against my satisfaction Lastly , the daily abuses that I haue concerning the booke of my Trauels , wherein I am accused for lies , and falsifications ; but I doe and euer will stedfastlie stand to the truth of euery title of it , except the a-buse that I did to Maister Hilton at Daintree , & that was not done on known malice neither , but on blinde ignorant information : and there is a second Edition of my bookes of ●●auels comming foorth , wherein I will Satyrize , Cauterize , and Stigmatize all the whole kennell of curres that dares maliciouslie snarle against manifest , apparant , and well knowne truths . In the meane space , you that are my debtors , if you please to pay me , you shall therin put your selues out of a bad number amongst which you yet are placed : if you will not pay me , take this bone to gnaw vpon , That I doe hope to be euer better furnished with mony , then you shall be with honestie . I. T. A Table of the generall heads , containing seauen parts . 1 THose that haue paid . 2 Those that would pay if they could . 3 Those that walke inuisible , and are not to be found , 4 Those that say they will pay , who knowes when . 5 Those that are dead . 6 Those that are fled . 7 Those Rorers that can pay , and wil not . Those that To euer meane to pay , Nothing at all this booke doth sar : To such my Satyre talketh still , As haue not paid , nor euer will. A Kicksey Winsey , OR A Lerry Come-Twang : Wherein Iohn Taylor hath Satyrically suted 750. of his bad debtors , that will not pay him for his returne of his tourney from Scotland . 1. My thankes to those that haue paid . YOu Worthy Worthyes , of that liberall Tribe , Who freely gaue your words , or did subscribe : And were not itch'd with the vaine-glorious worme , To write and lie , but promise and performe , Black Swans of Brittaine , I ptotest you are , And seeme ( to me ) each one a Blazing Starre ; For this inconstant Age so few affoords Of men , whose deeds do counterpoise their words , That finding one , me thinkes I see a wonder , More then Decembers Fruit , or Winters Thunder , Ingratitude , I hold a vice so vile , That I could ne're endur 't a breathing while , And therefore , ere I 'le prooue a thanklesse Iade , Time in his course shall runne quite retrograde ; Yea , euery thing shall hate his proper kind , Before I 'le harbour an ingratefull mind : And still I vow to quit you in some part , With my best wishes , and a thankefull heart : So much to you , my Muse hath sung , or said Whose louing bounties hath the Sculler paid . 2. Those that would pay if they could . ANd as for you that would pay , if you could , I thank you , though you do not as you should You promis'd faire , and wrote as free as any , But Time hath altered since , the case with many ; Your monyes , like low Tides , are eb'd too low , And when 't is lowest 't will begin to flow . To seek a breech from breechlesse men'twere vaine , And sruitlesse labour would requite my paine : It were no Charity ( as I suppose ) To bid one wipe his nose , that wants a nose ; And sure my Conscience would be lesse then little , T' enrich my selfe , by robbing of the Spittle : No , honest friends ( to end this vaine dispute ) Your barren states may spring , & bring forth fruite ; Your wills are good , and whilst I keepe your bills Instead of paiment I accept good wills ; On hope and expectation I will feede , And take your good endeauours for the deede : Praying that Crosses in your minds may cease , And Crosses in your purses may increase . 3. Those that are hard for me to finde , and being found , were better lost . ANother sort of debtors are behinde , Some I know not , and some I cannot finde : And some of them lies here and there , by spirts , Shifting their lodgings oftner then their shirts . Perchance I heare where one of these men lies , And in the morning vp betimes I rise , And finde in Shorditch where he lodg'd a night ; But he to Westminster hath tane his flight . Some two dayes after thither doe I trot , And finde his lodging , but yet finde him not , For he the night before ( as people tell ) Hath tane a chamber about Clarken-well . Thither go I , and make a priuy search , Whilst he 's in Southwark , neer S. George his Church , A pox vpon him , all this while thinke I , Shall I ne're finde out where my youth doth lie ? And hauing sought him many a weary bout , At last perhaps I finde his chamber out : But then the Gentleman is fast in bed , And rest hath seas'd vp on his running head ; He hath tooke cold with going late by water , Or sate vp late at Ace . Deuse , Trey , and Cater , That with a Sinke of fiftie peeces price , He sleepes till noone before his Worship rise ; At last he wakes ; his man informes him straight , That I at dore doe on his pleasure waite ; Perhaps I am requested to come neere And drinke a cup of either ale or beere , Whilst sucking English fire , and Indian vapor , At last I greete him with my bill of paper : Well Iohn ( quoth he ) this hand I know is mine , But I this day doe purpose to goe dine At the halfe Moone in Milke-street , prethee come , And there we 'le drinke , and pay this petty Summe , I take my leaue , he in his sleeue doth laugh Whilst I beleeue him ( like Iohn hold my staffe ) I in the Tauerne stay , and waite his pleasure , And he to keep his word can finde no leasure . Thus many a street by me recrost , and crost I in and out , and to and fro , am tost . And spend my time and coyne to finde one out , Which hauing found , rewards me with a flout . In this base fashion , or such like as this , To me their scuruy dayly dealing is : As one 's in 's study , t'others deep in talke , Another's in his Garden gone to walke : One's in the barbers suddes , and cannot see , Till chin and chaps are made a Roman T : And for his making thus a Gull of me , I wish his cut may be the Graecian P. These men can kisse their clawes , with Iack how is 't And take and shake me kindly by the fist , And put me off with dilatory cogges , And sweare and lye , worse then a sort of dogs , Protesting they are glad I am return'd , When they 'd be gladder I were hang'd or burn'd . Some of their pockets are oft stor'd with chinke , Which they had rather waste on drabs , dice , drinke , Then a small pelty summe to me to pay , Although I meete them euery other day ; For which to ease my mind to their disgrace , I must ( perforce ) in Print proclaime them base ; And if they pay me not ( vnto their shames ) I 'le print their trads , their dwellings & their names , That boyes shall hisse them as they walke along , Whilst they shal stink , & do their breeches wrong : Pay then , delay not , but with speed disburse , Or if you will , try but who 'le haue the worse . 4. Those that will and doe dayly pay me in drinke and smoake . A Fourth crew I must drop from out my quill , Are some that haue not paid , yet say they will : And their remembrance giues my muddy mood , More ioy then of those that will ne`re be good . These fellowes my sharpe Muse shall lash but soft , Because I meete them to their charges oft , Where at the Tauerne ( with free frollick hearts ) They welcome me with pottles , pints , and quarts ; And they ( at times ) will spend like honest men , Twelue shillings , rather then pay fiue or ten . These are Right Gentlemen , who beare a mind To spend , and be as liberall as the wind : But yet their bounty ( when they come to pay ) Is bountifull in nothing but delay . These I do neuer seeke from place to place , These make me not to runne the wildgoose chase ; These do from day to day not put me off , And in the end reward me with a scoffe . And for their kindnesse , let them take their leasure , To pay or not pay , let them vse their pleasure Let them no worser then they are , still proue Their powrs may chance out-do me , not their loue ; I meete them to my perill , and their cost , And so in time there 's little will be lost . Yet the old prouerb I would haue them know , The horse may statue the whilst the grasse doth grow . 5. Those that are dead . A Fift sort ( God be with them ) they are dead , And euery one my quittance vnder 's head : To aske them coyne , I know they haue it not , And where nought is , there 's nothing to be got . I 'le neuer wrong them with inuectiue lines , Nor trouble their good heires , or their as-sigues . And some of them , their liues losse to me were , In a large measure of true sorrow deere ; As one braue Lawyer , whose true honest spirit Doth with the blest celestiall soules inherit . He whose graue wisedome gain'd preheminence , To grace and fauour with his gracious Prince ; Adorn , d with learning , lou'd , approu'd , admir'de , He , my true friend , too soon to dust retir'de . Besides , a number of my worthy friends ( To my great losse ) death brought vnto their ends . Rest gentle spirits , rest , with Eternizing , And may your corpes haue all a ioyfull rising : There 's many liuing , euery day I see , Who are more dead then you in pay to me . 6. Those that are sled . A Sixt , with tongs glib , like the tayles of eeles , Hath shew'd this land and me foule pairs of heels To Ireland , Belgis Germany , and France . They are retir'de to seeke some better chance . T' was their vnhappy inauspicious Fate , The Counters , or King Luds vnlucky Gate ; Bonds being broke , the stones in euery street , They durst not tread on , lest they burnt their feete ; Smoke by the pipe , and ginger by the race , They lou , d with Ale , but neuer lou'd the Mace. And these mens honesties are like their states , At piteous , wofull , and at low priz'd rates ; For partly they did know when they did take My bookes , they could no satisfaction make . And honesty this document doth teach That man shall neuer striue aboue his reach , Yet haue they reacht , and ouerreacht me still , To do themselues no good , and me much ill . But farewell friends , if you againe doe come , And pay me either all , or none , or some : I looke for none , and therefore still delay me , You onely doe deceiue me if you pay me . Yet that deceit from you were but my due ; But I looke ne're to be deceiu'd by you . Your stockes are poore , your Creditors are store , Which God increase , and decrease , I implore . 7. Those that are as farre from honesty as a Turke is from true Religion . SEuenthly , and last's a worthy worthlesse crew , Such as heau'n hates , & hell on earth doth spew , And God renounce , & dam them , are their praiers , Yet some of these sweete youths are good mens heires : But vp most tēderly they haue bin brought And all their breeding better fed then taught : And now their liues floate in damnations streame , To stab , drab , kil , swil , tear , swear , stare , blaspheme : In imitation worse then diuels apes , Or Incubusses thrust in humane shapes : As bladders full of others wind is blowne , So selfe-conceit doth puffe them of their owne : They deeme their wit all other men surpasses , And other men esteem them witlesse asses . These pucksoyst cockbrain'd coxcōbs , shallow pated . Are things that by their Taylors are created ; For they before were simple shapelesse wormes , Vntill their makers lick'd them into sormes . T' is ignorant Idolatry most base , To worship Sattin Sathan , or gold lace ; T' adore a veluet varlet , whose repute Stinkes odious , but for his perfumed suite . If one of these to serue some Lord doth get , His first taske is , to sweare himselfe in debt : And hauing pawn'd his soule to Hell for oathes . He pawnes those othes for newfoūd fashiō clothes . His carcasse cased in this borrowed case , Imagines he doth me exceeding grace ; If when I meete him , he bestowes a nod , Then must I thinke me highly blest of God. Perhaps ( though for a Wood-cocke I repute him , ) I vaile my bonnet to him , and salute him : But sure my salutation is as euill , As Infidels that do adore the Diuell . For they do worship Sathan for no good , Which they expect from his infernall mood , But for they know he 's author of all ill , And o're them hath a power to spoyle and kill● They therefore doe adore him in the durt , Not hoping any good , but fearing hurt . So I do seeme these mimmicks , to respect Not , that from them I any good expect ; ( For I from dogs dung can extract pure honey , As soone as from these widgeons get my money ) But I ( in courtesie ) to them haue b●●de , Because they shall not say , I ●m growne prowde ; And sure if harmelesse true humillity , May spring from money wanting pouerty , I haue of debtors such a stinking store , Will make me humble , for they 'le keepe me poore . And though no wiser then flat fooles they be , A good lucke on them thei 're too wise for me ; They with a courtly tricke , or a flim flam , Do nod at me , whilst I the noddy am : One part of Gentry they will ne're forget , And that is , that they ne're will pay their debt . To take , and to receiue , they hold it fit , But to requite , or to restore's no wit. Then let them take and keepe , but knocks , and pox , And all diseases from Pandora's box . And which of them sayes that I raue or raile , Let him but pay , and bid me kisse his T. But sure the Diuell hath taught them many a trick , Beyond the numbring of Arithmetick . I meete one , thinking for my due to speake , He with euasions doth my purpose breake , And askes what news I heare from France or Spain , Or where I was in the last shower of raine ; Or when the Court remooues , or what 's a clock , Or wher 's the wind ( or some such windy mock ) With such sine scimble , scemble , spitter , spatter , As puts me cleane besides the mony-matter . Thus with poore mungrell shifts , with what , where , when , I am abused by these things , like men . And some of them doe glory in my want , They being Romists , I a Protestant : Their Apostaticall iniunctions faith , To keepe their faith with me , is breach of faith : For 't is a Maxim of such Catholicks , T is Meritorious to plague Hereticks ; Since it is so , pray pay me but my due , And I will loue the Crosse as well as you . And this much further I would haue you know , My shame is more to aske , then yours to owe : I begge of no man , 't is my owne I craue , Nor do I seeke it but of them that haue : There 's no man was inforc'd against his will , To giue his word , or signe vnto my bill . And is 't not shame , nay more then shame to heare , That I should be return'd aboue a yeare , And many Rich-mens words , and bils haue past , And tooke of me both bookes , both first and last , Whilst twice or thrice a weeke , in euery streete , I meete those men , and not my mony meete . Were they not able me amends to make , My conscience then , would sooner giue then take ; But most of those I meane , are full purs'd Hindes , Being beggerly in nothing but their mindes : Yet sure me thinkes , if they would do me right , Their mindes should be as free to pay , as write . Neer threescore pounds , the books I 'm sure did cost Which they haue had from me , and I thinke lost : And had not these mens tongues so forward bin , Ere I my painfull iourney did beginne , I could haue had good men in meaner Rayment , That long ere this , had made me better payment : I made my iourney for no other ends , But to get money , and to try my friends : And not a friend I had , for worth , or wit Did take my booke , or past his word , or writ : But I ( with thankefulnesse ) still vnderstood They tooke , in hope to giue , and do me good . They took a book worth 1● . pence , & were bound To giue a Crowne , an Angell , or a pound . A Noble peece , or halfe peece , what they list , They past their words , or freely set their fist . Thus got I sixteene hundred hands and fifty . Which summe I did suppose was somewhat thrifty And now my youths , with shifts , & tricks , & cauils , Aboue seauen hundred , playes the sharking Iauils . I haue performed what I vndertooke , And that they should keepe touch with me I looke : Foure thousand , and fiue hundred bookes I gaue To many a honest man , and many a knaue ; Which bookes , and my expence to giue them out , ( A long yeere seeking this con●used rout ) I 'm sure it cost me seuenscore pounds and more , With some suspition that I went on score . Besides aboue a thousand miles I went , And ( though no mony ) yet much time I spent ; Taking excessiue labour , and great paines , In heat , cold , wet , and dry , with feete and braines : With tedious toyle , making my heart-strings ake , In hope I should content , both giue and take , And in requitall now , for all my paine , I giue content still , and get none againe . None did I say ? I 'le call that word agen , I meete with some that pay me now , and then , But such a toyle I haue those men to seeke , And finde ( perhaps ) 2 , 3 , or 4 , a weeke , That too too oft , my losings gettings be , To spend 5. crownes in gathering in of three . And thus much to the world I dare auow , That my oft walkes to get my mony now , With my expences , seeking of the same , Returning many a night home , tir'd and lame , Meeting some thirty , forty in a day , That sees me , knowes me , owes me , yet none pay . Vs'd and abus'd thus , both in towne and Court , It makes me thinke my Scottish walke a sport : I muse of what stuffe these men framed be , Most of them seeme Mockado vnto me : Some are Stand-further off , for they endeauer , Neuer to see me or to pay me neuer . When first I saw them , they appeared Rash , And now their promises are worse then trash ; No Taffaty more changeable then they , In nothing constant , but no debts to pay . And therefore let them take it as they will , I 'le canuase them a little with my quill . To all the world I humbly do appeale , And let it iudge , if well these men doe deale , Or whether for their hasenesse , 't were not fitter , That I should vse more gall , and write more bitter ? I wrot this booke before but for this end , To warne , them , and their faults to reprehend ; But if this warning will not serue the turne , I sweare by sweete Satyrick Nash his vrne , On euery pissing post , their names I 'le place , Whilst they past shame , shall shame to shew their face , I 'le hale fell Nemesis , from Dis his den , To ayde and guide my sharpe reuenging pen ; That fifty Popes Buls neuer shall roare lowder , Nor fourescore Cannons whē mē fire their powder . And sure , my wronged muse , could lines indite , So full of horror , terror , and affright , That they ( like Caine ) confessing their estates , But little better then base Reprobates ; And hang themselues in their despairing moods , But that I 'le not be guilty of their bloods . No , let such fellowes know , that Time shall try My mercie 's greater then their honesty : Nor shall my verse affoord them no such fauour , To make them saue the hangman so much labour , They are contented still to patch and palter , And I ( with patience ) wish them each a halter , They are well pleas'd to be perfidious fellowes , And my reuenge bequeathes them to the gallowes ; For I would haue them this much vnderstand , Words are but wind , 't is money that buyes land : Words buyes no food , or clothes , to giue content , Bare words will neuer pay my Landlord rent . And those that can pay Coyne , and payes but words , My minde , a mischiefe to them all affoords , I count them like old shoes , past all mens mending , And therefore may the Gallouse be their ending : If some of them would but ten houres spare From drinking , drabbing , and superfluous fare , From smoaking English fire , and heathen stinke , The most of them might well pay me my chinke . There 's no wound deeper then a pen can giue , It makes men liuing dead , and dead men liue ; It can raise honour drowned in the sea , And blaze it forth in glory , Cap. a. pea . Why it can scale the battlements of Heauen , And stellifie men 'mongst the Planets seauen : It can make mizers , peasants , knaues and fooles The scorn of goodnesse , and the diuels close stooles . Forgot had bin the thrice three worthies names , If thrice three Muses , had not writ their fames : And if it not with flatt'ry be infected , Good is by it extold , and bad corrected . Let Iudgment iudge them , what mad men are those That dare against a pen themselues oppose , Which ( when it likes ) can turne thē all to loathing To any thing , to nothing , worse then nothing . Yet e're I went , these men to write did like , And vs'd a pen more nimbly then a pike ; And writ their names ( as I suppos'd ) more willing , Then valiant souldiers with their Pikes are drilling . But this experience , by these men I finde , Their words are like their payment , all but winde , But what wind 't is , is quickly vnderstood , It is an euill winde , blowes no man good : Or else they make it to the World appeare , That writing is good cheape , and paying deare . No paper bill of mine had edge vpon it , Till they their hands and names had written on it ; And if their iudgements be not ouer-seene , They would not feare , the edge is not so keene . Some thousands , and some hundreds by the yeare Are worth , yet they their peece or halfe peece fe●●e ; They on their owne bils are a fraid to enter , And I vpon their peeces dare to v●nter : But who so at the bill hath better skill , Giue me the peece , and let him take the bill . I haue met some that odiously haue lied , Who to deceiue me , haue their names denied ; And yet they haue good honest Christian names , As Ioshua , Richard , Robert , Iohn and Iames : To cheare me with base Inhumanity , They haue denide their Christianity , A halfe piece , or a Crowne , or such a summe , Hath forc'd them falsifie their Christendom : Denying good , ill names with them agree , And they that haue ill names halfe hanged be , And sure I thinke my losse would be but small , If for a quittance they were hang'd vp all . Of such I am past hope , and they past grace , And hope and grace both past's , a wretched case . It may be that for my offences past , God hath vpon me this disturbance cast : If it be so , I thanke his Name therefore , Confessing I deserue ten times much more ; But as the Diuell is author of all ill , So ill for ill , on th' ill , he worketh still ; Himselfe , his seruants , dayly lye and lurk Mans cares on earth , or paines in hell to work . See how the case then with my debtors stands , They take the diuels office out on 's hands ; Tormenting me on earth , for passed euils , And for the diuell , doth vex me worse then diuels . In troth 't is pitty , proper men they seeme , And those that know them not , would neuer deeme That one of them would basely seeme to meddle , To be the diuels hangman or his beadle . For shame , for honesty , for both , for either , For my deserts desertlesse , or for neither Discharge your selues fiō me , you know wherefore , And neuer serue , or helpe the Diuell more . I haue heard some that Lawyers do condem , But I still must , and will speake well of them ; Though neuer in my life , they had of me Clarkes , Counsellers , or yet Aturneys fee , Yet at my backe returne , they all concurr'd And payd me what was due , and ne're demurr'd . Some Counter-serieants , when I came agen , ( Against their nature ) dealt like honest men . By wonderous accident perchance one may Grope out a needle in a loade of hay : And though a white crow be exceeding rare , A blind man may ( by fortune ) catch a Hare , So may a serieant haue some honest tricks If too much knauery doth not ouer-mix . Newgate ( the Vniuersity of stealing ) Did deale with me with vpright honest dealing . My debtors all ( for ought that I can see ) Will still remaine true debters vnto me ; For if to paying once they should incline , They would not then be debtors long of mine . But this report I feare , they still will haue , To be true debtors euen to their graue . I know there 's many worthy proiects done , The which more credit , and more coyne hath won , And 't is a shame for those ( I dare maintaine ) That breake their words , & not requite their paine : I speake to such , if any such there be , If there be none , would there were none for me . But Mr. Barnard Caluard , too well knowes , The fruites of windy promise and faire showes , With great expence , and perill , and much paine He rode by land , and crost the raging Maine In fifteene houres , he did ride and goe , From Southwarke neere to Callice , too and froe . When he to his cost , and detriment , Sbewed vs a memorable president , In finding out a speedy worthy way , For newes 'twixt France and London in one day ; And yet this well deseruing Gentleman , Is cheated of his Coyne , do what he can , From him they could both goods and money take , But to him they●●● no satisfaction make , Their promises were fiue , or ten for one , And their performances are few , or none . Therefore it is some comfort vnto me , When such a man of ranke , and note , as he , In stead of Coyne is payd with promises , My being cheated grieues me much the lesse ; Of worthy Gentlemen , I could name more , That haue past dangers both on seas and shore , And on good hopes did venture out their gold , To some that will no faith , or promise hold , But basely do detaine , and keepe backe all Th' expected profit , and the principall : Yet this one comfort may expell our crosse , Though we endure , time , coyne , and labors losse : Yet their abuse doth make our fame more great , 'T is better to be cheated , then to cheate . Except the poore , the proud , the base , the Gallant . Those that are dead , or fled , or out of Towne : Such as I know not , nor to them am knowne , Those that will pay ( of which there 's some smal nūber , And those that smile to put me to this cūber , In all they are eight hundred , and some od , But when they 'le pay me 's onely knowne to God. Some crowns , some poūds , sōe nobles , some a roial ; Some good , some naught , some worse , most bad in triall . I , like a boy , that shooting with a bow , Hath lost his shaft where weedes and bushes grow ; Who hauing search'd , and rak'd , and scrap'd , & tost To finde his arrow that he late hath lost : At last a crotchet comes into his braine , To stand at his first shooting place againe ; Then shootes , and lets another arrow flie Neare as he thinkes his other shaft may lie : Thus ventring , he perhaps findes both or one , The worst is , if he lose both , he findes none . So I that haue of bookes so many giuen , To this compared Exigent am driuen : To shoote this Pamphlet , and to ease my minde , To lose more yet , or something lost to finde , As many brooks , foords , showers of rain , & springs , Vnto the Thames their often tribute brings , These subiects paying , not their stocks decrease , Yet by those payments , Thames doth still increase : So I that haue of debtors such a swarme , Good they might do me , and themselues no harme Inuectiue lines , or words , I write nor say To none but those that can , and will not pay : And who so payes with good , or with ill will , Is freed from out the compasse of my quill . They must not take me for a Stupid asse , That I ( vnfeeling ) will let these things passe . If they beare minds to wrong me , let them know I haue a tongue and pen , my wrongs to show ; And be he ne're so briske , or neate , or trim , That bids a pish for me , a rush for him ; To me the' are rotten trees , with beauteous thinds Fayre formed caskers of deformed minds . Or like dispersed flocks of scattered sheepe , That will no pasture , or decorum keepe : So , 〈◊〉 wildely skipping into vnknowne grounds , Stray into forraine and forbidden bounds ; Where some throgh wāt , some throgh excesse haue got The scab , the worme , the murraine , or the rot . But whilst they wander guidelesse , vncontrolde , I 'le do my best to bring them to my folde ; And seeing sheepefold hurdles here are scant , I am inforced to supply that want With rayling ; and therefore mine owne to win , Like rotten forlorne sheepe , I 'le rayle them in . In defence of Aduenturers vpon Returnes . FOrasmuch as there are many , who either out of pride , malice , or ignorance , do speake harshly , and hardly of me and of diuers others , who haue attempted and gone dangerous voyages by sea with small Wherries or Boats , or any other aduenture vpon any voyage by land , either Riding , Going , or Running , alleadging that we do tempt God by vndertaking such perrilous courses ( which indeede I cannot deny to bee true ) yet not to extenuate or make my faults lesse then they are : I will heare approoue that all men in the world are Aduenturers vpon Returne , and that wee do all generally tempt the patience and long suffering of God , as I will make it appeare as followeth . Whosoeuer is an Idolater , a superstitious Hereticke , an odious and frequent swearer , or lyer , a griping vsurer , or vncharitable extortioner , doth tempt God , aduenture their soules , and vpon returne lose Heauen . Whosoeuer is a whore-maister , doth aduenture his health , and wealth , and his returnes are ●udlesse misery , beggery , and the pox . Whosoeuer doth continue , plot , or commit treason , doth aduenture his soule to the diuell , and his body to the Hang-man . Whosoeuer do marry a young and beautifull mayd , doth aduenture a great hazard for a blessing or a curse . Whosoeuer goes a long iourney , and leaues his faire wife at home , doth most dangerously aduenture for hornes , if she be not the honester . Hee that sets his hand to a bond , or passes his word for another mans debt , doth Aduenture a great hazard to pay both principall and interest . Probatumest . That Pastor who is either negligent or vncharitable in his function , doth Aduenture more then he will euer recouer . A Merchant doth Aduenture ship , and goods amongst flats , shoales , deepes , Pirates , shelues , rockes , gusts , stormes , flawes , tempests , mists , fogges , winds , seas , heates , colds , and calmes , and all for hope of profit , which often failes . That Trades-man that dayly trusts more ware then hee receiues money for , doth Aduenture for Ludgate , a breaking , or a cracking of his credit . Hee or shee who are proud either of beauty , riches , wit , learning , strength , or any thing which is transitory , and may be lost , either by fire , water , sicknesse , death , or any other casualty , doe Aduenture to be accounted vaine-glorious , and ridiculous Coxcombs . He that puts confidence in Drabs , Dice , Cards , Bals , Bowles , or any game lawfull or vnlawfull doth aduenture to be laught at for a fcole , or dye a begger vnpityed . Hee that eates , and driukes till midnight , and fights , and brawles till day-light , doth Aduenture for little rest that night . To conclude , I could name and produce aboundance more of Aduenturers , but as concerning aduenturing any more dangerous voyages to sea , with Wherries , or any extraordinary meanes , I haue done my last , onely my frailety will now and then prouoke me to aduenture vpon some of those insirmities or vices , which attend on our mortalities , which I thinke I shall bee free from committing , before my Debtors haue payd me all my money . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A13463-e1120 〈◊〉