The water-cormorant his complaint against a brood of land-cormorants. Diuided into fourteene satyres. By Iohn Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1622 Approx. 77 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 23 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13521 STC 23813 ESTC S100674 99836504 99836504 782 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13521) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 782) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1560:10) The water-cormorant his complaint against a brood of land-cormorants. Diuided into fourteene satyres. By Iohn Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. [46] p. Printed by George Eld, London : 1622. Signatures: A-F⁴ (-A1). With title vignette. In verse. Reproduction of the original in the Bodleian Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2000-00 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2001-00 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2001-00 TCP Staff (Michigan) Sampled and proofread 2001-00 TCP Staff (Michigan) Text and markup reviewed and edited 2001-11 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE WATER-CORMORANT HIS COMPLAINT : Against a Brood of Land-Cormorants . Diuided into fourteene Satyres . By IOHN TAYLOR . 1 A Iesuite . 2 A Separatist . A Trust-breaker . A Drunkard . A prodigall Gallant . An Extortioner & broker A Basket-Iustice . A Cutpurse . A good & bad Constable A Serieant & Iailor . A Patron & his Clark. A Country-Yeoman . A Figure-flinger . A Lawyer , & Vndershriefe My Cormorant against these doth inuey , And proues himself much better far then they LONDON , Printed by GEORGE ELD . 1622. To Gentlemen , and those that are gentle . SVbiects may seeme scarce , or Printers lacke worke , when a Cormorant flies into the Presse , yet Cormorants oppresse and therefore worthy to be prest ; but my Cormorant hath neither dipt his tongue in oile to smooth the faults of the vicious , nor stop'd his mouth to conceale the merits of the vertuous : I haue thought good to sympathize a subiect fit for the time , and I haue done my best to handle it in a sutable straine . The Cormorant is not easily induced to affability , nor I to flattery . His best seruice is harsh and vnsociable , so is my style . His biting is sharpe and piercing , so is my phrase . His throat is wide and spacious , my subiect is spacious . His colour is blacke , I discouer deeds of darknesse . He grubs and spuddles for his prey in muddy holes and obscure cauerns , my Muse ferrits base debaushed wretches in their swinish dens . He like the Crocodile moues the vpper chap , this Treatise condemnes that beasts dissimulation . He swallows downe his meate without taste , this booke distastes such as sinne without touch of conscience . The ods is , my Cormorants appetite is limited , but most of theirs is vnsatiable . I ayme not at such mens slips as may fall by infirmity , for that were like Esops crab , to offer to teach others to goe right , going crooked my selfe . Detraction is a priuate wounding of a mans name , and flattery a deuourer of men aliue . If I can sayle betwixt these two , and not be split , I shall ariue at my desired port . In my passage I shall haue Polipheme casting Rockes to sincke me , Criticks misconstruing my words , like spiders sucking poyson out of wholesome flowers . But from these Antipodes to goodnesse , by their Antithesis to nature , I appeale to my conscience which is a witnesse to me that can neither accuse or condemne me . I ayme at none but such as deuoure others , and yet make shift to keepe themselues out of the reach of law , I name none personally , and therefore wish the faulty to amend with silence rather then by rubbing of a spot to make a hole in the whole cloath , for I leaue gleanings enough to make a second part if need require . Such stomacks as cannot digest this dish , let me rather be to them a choake peare then a Gudgeon . There is no degree of man or woman , whatsoeuer , from the Court to the Cottage , or from the Pallace to the Plough , but may make good vse of this Poem , either for merry recreation , or vices defamation : and in a word , if it please the iudicious , or be any way profitable to the confirming of the good , or reforming the bad , I have then my full recompence , with the effect of my intentions and wishes . Iohn Taylor . A brood of CORMORANTS . A Jesuite . THE ARGVMENT . King-killing monsters , out of Heauens mouth flow'd . Ca●ers , and Butchers vnto Rome and Hell : The bane of youth and age , in bloud imbrow'd : Perditions gulfe , where all foule Treasons dwell . 〈◊〉 , liues , and soules vnder the sauing stile Of Iesus , they deuour , confound , beguile . IN setting downe this sect of blood compact , Me thinkes I see a tragicke Sceane in act : The Stage all hang'd with the sad death of Kings , From whose bewailing story sorrow springs ; The Actors dipt in cruelty and blood , Yet make bad deeds passe in the name of good . And kindling new commotions , they conspire With their hot Zeale to see whole Realmes on fire ; As t was apparent when they did combine , Against vs , in their fatall powder Mine . All hell for that blacke treason was plow'd vp , And mischiefe dranke deepe of damnations cup : The whole vast Ocean sea , no harbour grants To such deuouring greedy Cormorants , In the wide gulfe of their abhor'd designes Are thoughts that find no roome in honest minds . And now I speake of Rome euen in her sea , The Iesuits the dang'rous whirlepooles be , Religions are made waues , that rise and fall Before the wind or breath Pontificall . The Pope sends stormes forth , feuers or combines , According to his mood it raines or shines , And who is ready to put all his will In execution , but the Iesuit still . Nor hath this Cormorant long tane degree , For Esacus more ancient is then he : Yeares thousands since Troyes sonne he was created , And from a man but to bird translated , VVhereas the Iesuit deriues descent But from Ignatius Loyola , that went For a maim'd Spanish souldier , but herein The difference rises , which hath euer bin : From man to bird , one 's changed shape began , The other to a diuell from a man. Yet herein these wide maw'd Esacians , May well agree with these Ignatians , First black 's the coulour of the greedy Fowle , And black 's the Iesuits habite like his soule , The bird is leane though oft he be full craw'd , The Iesuit's hatchet fac'd , and wattle iaw'd , The Cormorant ( as nature best befits ) Still without chewing doth deuoure whole bits , So Iesuits swallow many a lordly liuing , All at a gulp without grace or thanksgiuing . The birds throat ( gaping ) without intermission , Resembles their most cruell inquisition , From neither is , non est redemptio , For what into the Corm'rants throat doth goe , Or Iesuits Barrathrum doth once retaine , It ne're returnes fit for good vse againe . Eighty yeares since he stole the Epethite From Iesus , to be cal'd a Iesuite , But I could find him out a style more right , From Iudas to be nam'd Iscariotite . Though Paul the third their title did approue , Yet he confin'd their number , that aboue Threescore they should not be , and yet we see How much encreased now the Vipers be , That many a thousand Christian lies and grones Vnder the slau'ry of these diuellish drones . And he that knowes but truly what they are , Will iudge a Cormorant's their better farre . A Separatist . THE ARGVMENT . Here earth and hell haue made a false commixion . Of painted zeale , and holinesse , and loue : Of Faith , of Hope , of Charitie ( in fiction ) In smoake and shadowes , as the fruits doe proue . Hypocrisie , which long pray'rs doth repeate , Deuoureth Widowes , and poore Orphans cheate . NOw enters next , to play his Oylie part A Saint in tongue , but a rough diuell in heart : One that so smoothly swallowes his prey downe , Without wrath shewne , or any seeming frowne . You 'd thinke him when he does it , in a Psalme , Or at his prayers , hee 's so milde and calme : No noyse , no trouble to his conscience cries , For he deuours his prey with heau'd vp eyes . Stands most demurely swallowing downe his bit , And lickes his lips , with long grace after it . This Bell-wether ( sir reu'rence ) leades the flocke , After his sense grafted in errours stocke . This reu'rend Barrabas , a Button-maker , Himselfe with trusty Demas his partaker , Meetes with their brethren , Chore , Abiram , Dathan , And tearme our Church the Synagogue of Sathan . Wise Balaam , Nabal , Esau , Ismael , Tertullus , Theudas , and Achitophel , Phiigellus , Himeneus , and Philetus , ( A crew of turne-coates that desire to cheat vs ) These fellowes with their Ample folio graces , With mumping chappes , and counterfeited faces , Though they like shotten Herrings are to see , Yet such tall souldiers of their teeth they be , That two of them like greedy Cormorants , Deuoures more then six honest Protestants . VVhen priuately a sister and a brother Doe meet , ther 's dainty doings with each other : Ther 's no delay , they ne're stand shall I shall I , Hermogenes with Dallila doth dally : And Simei with Saphira will dispute , That nine monthes after she doth beare the fruite . VVhen Zimri kissing Iesabel doth greet , And Cozby with her brother Cham , oh sweet , 'T is fit to trye ( their humors to refresh ) A Combate twixt the spirit and the flesh : Prouided that they doe it secretly , So that the wicked not the same espye : These youths deride the Surples , Crosse and Ring , The knee at Sacrament or any thing The Church holds Reuerend , and to testifie Their bastardy , the Fathers they deny . And of themselues they frame Religions new , VVich Christ and his Aposiles neuer knew ; And with vntemperd morter of their owne , They build a Church , to all good men vnknowne , Railes at the Harmonious Organs , and the Coape , Yet in each Church of theirs , they raise a Pope . Calls it the b●gde of Antichristian drosse , VVhen they see butter printed with a Crosse : And yet for Coyne thei 'le any man beguile , For when they tell it , they turne vp the pile . Vpon the Sabbath they 'le no phisicke take , Lest it should worke , and so the Sabbath breake . They hate to see a Church-man ride , ( why so ) Because that Christ bade his Apostles goe . Against our Churches all , they haue exclaim'd , Because by Saints names most of them are nam'd : If these new Saints will no old Saints abide , From Christendome they must , or run , or ride . Saint George from England chases them away , Saint Andrew doth in Scotland beare like sway : From Ireland good Saint Patrick them will banish , Saint Dennis out of France will make them vanish : Saint Iames will force them out of Spaine to flie , So will Saint Anthony from Italy , And last of all ( whom I had halfe forgot ) Saint Dany out of VVales will make them trot . And what vngodly place , can harbour then , These fugitiue vnnat'rall Englishmen : Except that with the Turke or Infidell , Or on , or in the Sea , they meane to dwell , That is in lesser roome they may be cram'd , And liue and die at Amster and be dam'd . And sure I hold some Romane Catholikes Much better then these selfe-wild Scismatickes . For Papists haue good affability , And some haue learning , most haue Charity , Except a Iesuit , whom I thinke a man , May terme a tight Papistick Puritan , And for the Sep'ratist I iustly call , A Scismaticke Impuritanicall . But yet the Iesuit's constant in his mind , The Scismatick is waueringly inclin'd . Besides , he thinkes whilst he on earth doth liue , T is charitie to take , and not to giue . There are a sort of men which conscience make Of what they say , or doe , or vndertake : Who neyther will dissemble , sweare , or lye , Who to good ends their actions all apply , Who keepe the Sabbath , and releeue the poore , According to their portions and their store : And these good people some men doe backbite And call them Puritanes , in scorne and spight , But let all know that do abuse them so , That for them is reseru'd a fearefull wo ; I loue and reuerence onely beare to such , And those that heere Inuectiuely I touch Are Birds whose Consciences are more vncleane Then any Cormorant wase're knowne or seene : I le stand to'th censure of all honest men , If they disproue me , I le ne're write agen . A Trust-breaker . THE ARGVMENT . A Foe to Iustice , a corrupted Friend , An outward Angell and an inward Fiend ; A hidden Serpent , a most subtle Fox A Sugred poyson , in a painted Box : A Syrens song , alluring to mishap , A Snare to Honesty , and Vertues trap . THe Rich Trust breaker , vpon whom hell waites Doth thrust into the Riuer of Estates , His foule deuouring Beake , and at one prey Will swallow fourteene Tradesmen in a day : As many of the Countrey Lordships slippes Flapdragon like , by his Insatiate lippes . The Father sometimes hath beene quite vndone , Through too much trusting his vnnat'rall Sonne , And a Trust-breaker hath a trick in 's pate To bring a rich Ward to a Beggers state . For some corrupted men haue got tuition Of rich mens Heires , and changed their condition With false inducements to Recusancy , Or suffring them through prodigality To runne so farre in debt , that all their Lands Are lost , before they come into their hands . Faire Schooles of learning haue bin built frō ground For Boyes whose Fathers were not worth fiue pound : But false Trust-breakers hold it for no sinne , To keepe out poore mens sonnes , take rich mens in . This Breach of Trust is multiplide , in time 'T a Catholike , and vniuersall crime , That man to man is growne so much vniust , That hee 's a wise man that knowes who to trust . But ( if there be such ) they doe want much care Who trust not in the world nor trusted are . Collectorships , the common wealth may lurch , For Burnings , Highwaies , Bridges , or the Church , For losse at Sea , for Hospitalls and Schooles , One hundred knaues , may make ten thousand fooles . Yet these things are so needfull , as I wot , Hee 's a base villaine that contributes not : But hee 's a hell-hound that their Trust deceiues , And the right due from those that want bereaues : Why , this Trust breaking hath the ex'lent skill To make a VVife to burne hir Husbands VVill , Because his first VViues Children should not haue The Portions that within that VVill hee gaue . And oftentimes a gasping man for breath , Distracted with the griping pangs of death , Hath to a forged VVill subscrib'd his hand , And dispossest his owne sonne of his land . Trust-breakers may a senselesse hand so frame , ( Though being six houres dead ) to write a Name , A rich-mans wealth that 's dead's like vntold gold , And that 's because t' is neuer truely told : For like to pitch it hath polluting tricks , And some vnto the fing'rers fingers sticks : But of all Rascalls since the world began , The Banckrupt Politick's the onely man , In courteous fashion many hee 'll vndo , And be much pittied and rewarded too : For hauing got mens wealth into his clawes , He holds it faster then a Cormorants lawes Can hold a silly fish , and at the last , Himselfe , himselfe will into prison cast . And hauing broke for thousands , there the hound Compounds , perhaps for ten groats in the pound , Se●s richly vp againe , 'till time hee sees , To breake , to prison againe , againe agrees : And thus a cunning knaue , can with a trice , Breake , and be whole againe , once , twice or thrice . These Cormorants are worse then theeues therefore , And beeing worse , deserue a hanging more . A Theife speakes what he meanes , & takes your purse , A Banckrupt flattring robs you ten times worse . The one doth sildome rob ye of all your pelfe , The other leaues you nough● to helpe your selfe : And yet the one for little theeuing may , At Tiburne make a hanging holliday ; VVhilest the great The●e may wi●h a golden prop , To faire Reuennues turne a Peddlers shop . In this voracity Father stands not free From his owne Sonne , nor fr●m his Vncle , he Being made Executor to'th States of men , My Corm'rant is a piddler to him then . He wil by cunning and vexation draw , Heire , wealth and All , into his rauenous maw , And when his gorge is full vp to the brim , Into some lothsome prison vomits him . There leaues the honor of a ho●se and name , To be exchang'd for misery and shame : Now tell me they that loue faire truth indeed , If such mawes doe not Corm'rants guts exceed . And to what place soeuer such resort , They are the Fowle Birds both in Towne aud Court. A Drunkard . THE ARGVMENT . A madnesse dearely bought , with losse of fame , Of credit and of manly reputation : A cursed purchase of disease and shame , Of death , and a great hazard of Damnation : In all that 's bad , the diuells onely Ape , Worse then a beast , in the best manly shape . THis fellow with the dropsie growne as bigge , And much more beastly then a Sowe with pigge : His cheekes like Boreas swolne , he ●low'd and puft , His paunch like to a woolpack cram'd and stuft : And by the meanes of what he swil'd and gul'd , Hee look'd like one that was three quarters mul'd . His breath compounded of strong English Beere , And th' Indian drug would suffer none come neere . From side to side he staggerd as he went , As if he reeling did the way indent . One skirt of 's cloake scarce reacht vnto his waste , The other dragging in the dirt he trac'd . His very braines within his head were stew'd , And look'd so crimson colour'd scarlet hew'd , As 't were an ignis fatuus , or a comet . His garments stunke most sweetly of his vomit , Fac'd with the tap-lash of strong Ale and Wine , Which from his slau'ring chaps doth oft decline . In truth he look'd as red as any coale , And bellied like vnto a Mare with foale : With hollow eyes , and with the palsie shaking , And gouty legs with too much liquor taking . This valiant pot-leach that vpon his knees Has drunke a thousand pottles vp se freese , Such pickled phrases he had got in store , As were vnknowne vnto the times of yore , As when he drinkes out all the totall summe , Gaue it the stile of superna●ul●um , And when he quaffing doth his entrailes wash , T is cal'd a hunch , a thrust , a whiffe , a slash : And when carousing makes his wits to faile , They say he hath a rattle at his taile , And when his wits are in the wetting shrunke , You may not say hee 's drunke , though he be drunke , For though hee be as drunke as any Rat , He hath but catcht a foxe , or whipt the Cat. Or some say , hee 's bewitcht , or scratcht , or blinde , ( VVhich are the fittest termes that I can finde . Or seene the Lyons , or his nose is dirty , Or hee 's pot-shaken , or out , two and thirty And then strange languages comes in his head , VVhen he wants English how to goe to bed : And though t' were fit the swine should in his stye bee , Hee spewes out latine with pro bibi tibi : Which is , prouide for Tiburne ( as I take it ) Or if it be not , hee may chance to make it . Then Irish Shachatwhorum from him flees , And halfe a dozen welch me Vatawhees : Vntill hee falls asleepe hee skinks and drinkes , And then , like to a Bore he winkes , and stinkes . This Cormorant in one day swallowes more , Then my poore Esacus doth in a score . For mine but once a day doth take his fill , The drunkard , night and day doth quaffe and swill , Drinke was ordain'd to length mans fainting breath , And from that liquor Drunkards draw their death : Displeasing God , the diuell he onely pleases , And drinkes with others healths , his owne diseases . And in the end contempt and shame 's his share , The whil'st a Tapster is his onely Heire . Thus drinke's a wrastler that giues many a fall , To death , to beggery and slauish thrall . And drunkennesse a wilfull madnesse is , That throwes men to hells bottomles abisse . For why , where drunkennes is mistris , there Sobriety can hardly maistry beare : And ti 's no question but the land hath drown'd , More men with drinke , then Seas did e're confound . Wine is Earth's blood , which from her breast doth spring , And ( well vs'd ) is a comfortable thing . But if abused from it then beginnes , Most horrible notorious crying sinnes . As Murther , Lechery , Ebriety , Gods wrath , damnation in variety : For he that is a drunkard is the summe , And abstract of all mischiefes that can come . It wasts him soule and body , life and limb , My Cormorant's a sober beast to him . He that perswades a man to steale or lye , To sweare , or to commit adultery , To stab or murder any man that liues , Can it be said that he good counsell giues ? And he that tempts and forces men to drinke , Perswades a man to damne himselfe , I thinke , For drunken men haue into dangers run , Which ( being sober ) they would ne're haue done . I take them for no friends , that giue me wine , To turne me from a man vnto a swine , To make me void of manners , sense , or reason , To abuse God , blaspheming odious treason , To hurt my soule and body , fame and purse , To get the diuell , and gaine Gods heavy curse , Though many take such for their friends to be , I wish them hang'd that are such friends to me : For greater enemies there cannot dwell In the whole world , nor in the bounds of hell . Good friendly drinking I account not euill , But much carousing , which makes man a diuell , VVanting the priuiledge that hath a horse , And to be vrg'd and forc'd to drinke perforce . For why a horse this gouernment hath still , Drinkes what he will , and not against his will. And he that that good rule doth ouerpasse , Hath lesse discretion then a horse or Asse : And any man that doth this temp'rance want , Is a worse glutton then my Cormorant . A prodigall Country Gallant , and his new made Maddam . THE ARGVMENT . Taylors fooles , Times bables , and prides Apes , That as a Squirrell skips from tree to tree : So they like Porteus leape from shapes to shapes . Like foule swords in gilt scabberds , he and she Their carkasse pampers , gorgeously bedeckt , Whilst their poore starued soules they both neglect . NOw step● my young gull gallant into play , Who ( borne to land ) i' th country scornes to stay , To liue by wit ( thanks Sire ) he hath no need , And if he should be hang'd can scarcely reade . Drabs , dice , and drinke are all his onely ioyes , His pockets , and his spurs , his gingling boyes , A Squirrels tayle hangs dangling at his eare , A badge which many a gull is knowne to weare . His eyes red blood-shot , arguing a sod brainc , His dam-him voice set to the roaring straine : His nose well inlaid with rich iemmes about , As from a watch - Towre , their h●ads peeping out , Attended fitly , ( fitting for the age ) VVith two shag'd Russians , and a pyde coat Page , Who beares his boxe , and his Tobacco fils , VVith stopper , tongs , and other vtensils . This Fop , late buried , e're he came vp hither , His thrift and 's father in one graue together , His country stocke he sold , for that 's the fashion , And to a farmer gaue it new translation : His Fathers seruants hee thrust out of dore , Allowes his mother but a pension poore : Salutes you with an oath at euery word , Sirha or slaue he lib'rall doth afford . His Father ( a good house-keeper ) being dead , He scornes his honest block should fit his head : And though hee be not skil'd in Magick Art , Yet to a Coach hee turn'd his Fathers Cart. Foure Teames of Horses , to foure Flanders Mares With which to London hee in pomp repaires , Woo's a She Gallant , and to Wife he takes her : Then buyes a knighthood , and a maddam makes her . And yearely they vpon their backs ore weare , That which oft fed fiue hundred with good cheere . Whil'st in the Countrey all good bounty 's spilt His house , as if a Iugler it had built , For all the Chimneies , where great fires were made , The smoake at one hole onely is conuay'd : No times obseru'd nor Charitable Lawes , The poore receiue their answer from the Dawes , Who in their caaing language call it plaine Mockbegger Manour , for they came in vaine . They that deuoure what Charity should giue Areboth at London , there the Cormorants liue , But so transform'd of late , doe what you can , You 'le hardly know the woman from the man : There sir Tim Twirlepipe and his Lady Gay , Doe prodigally spend the time away : Beeing both exceeding proud , and scornefull too , And any thing ( but what is good ) thei 'le do . For Incubus , and Succubus haue got A crew of fiends , which the old world knew not : That if our Grand-fathers and Grand-dams should Rise from the dead , and these mad times behold . Amazed they ( halfe madly ) would admire , At our fantasticke gestures and attire : And they would thinke that England in conclusion , Were a meere bable Babell of confusion . That Muld-sack for his most vnfashiond fashions , Is the fit patterne of their transformations : And Mary Frith doth teach them modesty , For shee doth keepe one fashion constantly , And therefore she deserues a matrons praise , In these inconstant moone-like changing dayes . A witlesse Asse ( to please his wiues desire ) Payes for the fewell , for her pride 's hot fire : And he and she will wast , consume , and spoyle , To feed the stinking lamp of pride with oyle : When with a sword , he gat a knightly name , With the same blow , his Lady was struck lame . For if you marke it , she no ground doth tread , ( Since the blow fell ) except that she be lead : And Charity is since that time ( some say ) In a Carts yonger brother borne away . These are the Cormorants , that haue the power To swallow a Realme , and last themselues deuour : And let their gaudy friends , thinke what they will , My Cormorant shall be their better still . An Extortioner and a Broaker . THE ARGVMENT . Friends to but few , and to their owne soules worst , With Aspish poyson poysning men at first , Who laughing languish , neuer thinke on death , Vntill these Wolues ( with biting ) stop their breath ; The diuell and they at no time can be sunder'd , And all their trade is forty in the hundred . ROome for two hounds , well coupl'd , and t' is pitty To part them , they doe keepe such ranck i' th City , Th' Extortioner is such a fiend , that he Doth make the Vsurer a Saint to be . One for a hundreds vse doth take but ten , T'other for ten a hundred takes agen : The one mongst Christians is well tolerated , Tother's of heauen and earth abhor'd and hated , The one doth often helpe a man distrest , The other addes oppression to'th opprest . By paying vse a man may thriue and get , But by extortion neuer none could yet . Though vsury be bad , ( t is vnderstood , Compared with extortion ) it seemes good . One by ●e●aile , and th' other by the great , Ingrose the profits of the whole worlds sweat , That man is happy that hath meate and cloath , And stands in need of neither of them both , Extortioners are Monsters in all nations , All their Conditions turne to Obligations , VVaxe is their shot , and writing pens their Guns , Their powder is the inke that from them runs . And this dank powder hath blowne vp more men In one yeare , then gunpowder hath in ten . Bils are their weapons , parchments are their shields , VVith which they win whole lordships , towns & fields And , for they know in heauen they ne're shall dwell , They ingrose the earth before they come to hell . Yet all their liues here they with cares are vext , Slaues in this world , and hell hounds in the next . And what they o're the diuels backe did win , Their heyres beneath his belly waste in sinne . The Broaker is the better senting hound , He hunts and scouts till he his prey hath found , The gallant which I mention'd late before , Turning old hospitality out of doore , And hauing swallowed tenants and their crops , Comming to towne , he crams Extortions chops : Craft there , may here againe be set to schoole , A Country knaue oft proues a City foole . He that a dogs part plaies when he is there , A wolfe deuoures him when he comes vp here : The silly swaine the racking Landlord worries , But Swaine and Landlord both extortion curries . First thing is done , the Broaker smels him forth , Hunts all his haunts , enquires into his worth : Sents out his present wants , and then applies Rank poyson to his wounds for remedies . In stead of licking , he 's a biting whelpe , And ranckles most , when he most seemes to helpe , And he hunts dry foot ; neuer spends his throat Till a has caught his game , and then his note Luls him asleepe , fast in Extortions bands There leaues him , takes his fee o' th goods and lands . And as he is the Commonwealths deceiuer , So ( for the most part ) hee 's the theeues receiuer . Hangs vp the hangmans wardrop at his doore , Which by the hangman hath beene hang'd before . A fishwife , with a pawne , doth money seeke , Hee two pence takes for twelue pence euery weeke : Which makes me aske my selfe a question plaine , And to my selfe I answere make againe : Was Houndsditch Houndsditch calld can any tell , Before the Broakers in that street did dwell ? No sure it was not , it hath got that name From them , and since the Time they thither came : And well it now may called be Houndsditch , For there are Hounds will giue a vengeance twitch : These are the Gulphes , that swallow all by lending , Like my old shoes , quite past all hope of mending : I 'de throw my Cormorants dead into the pooles . If they cram'd fish so fast as these eate fooles . A Basket Iustice. THE ARGVMENT . The best of men , when truely exercis'd , The Actor may a Saint be canoniz'd : Not Policy but practise , Iustice frames , Those whom bribes blinde , haue onely thred-bare names Of what they should be , thus the Land is blest , When iudgments iust flow from the Iudges breast . BEfore the noyse of these two Hounds did cease , A Iustice ( comming by ) commanded peace : Peace Curres ( quoth he ) and learne to take your pray , And not a word , so wise folkes , goe away : This is a youth that sued his place to haue , Bought his authority to play the knaue . And as for Coyne he did his place obtaine , So hee 'le sell Iustice to mak 't vp againe , For the old prouerb fits his humor well , That he that dearely buyes , must dearely sell. The sword of Iustice draw he stoutly can , To guard a knaue , and grieue an honest man , His Clarke's the Bee that fils his comb with honey , He hath the wit , his master hath the money . Such Iusticer as this ( if men doe marke ) Is altogether guided by his Clarke , He 's the vice Iustice , he workes all by 's wits , The whilst his master pickes his teeth , or spits , Walkes , hums , and nods , cals knaue at euery turne , ( As if he in a dawes nest had beene borne : ) No other language from his worship flees , But prisons , warrants , Mittimus , and fees : Commit , before he search out the offence , And heare the matter after two dayes hence , Talkes of Recognizances , and hath scope To bind and loose , as if he were the Pope . Be the case ne're so good , yet build vpon 't , Fees must be payd , for that 's the humor on 't . And thus with onely cursed wealth and beard , He makes a world of witlesse fooles afeard , And when he giues them but a smile or nod , They thinke this doughty elfe , a demy-god . When fortune fals , he knowes to vse the same , His Clarke and he , as quiet as a lambe , Make not two words , but share , and goe through stich , Here 's mine , there 's thine , for they know which is which There hath beene , are , and will be still agen , In all professions , some corrupted men : Before this branch of false Gehez●es Tribe , T is sacriledge to call a bribe a bribe , Giue him a Bucke , a Pig , a Goose , or Phesant , ( For manners sake ) it must be cal'd a present , And when he 's blind in Iustice , t is a doubt , But Turkies tallons scratch'd his eyes halfe out : Or Capons clawes , but t is a heauy case That fowles should flye so in a Iustice face . Sometimes his eyes are goard with an Oxe horne , Or suddaine dasht out with a sacke of corne , Or the whiske brushing of a Coachmares taile To fit the Coach , but all these thoughts may faile , Some thinke they are but clouded , and will shine , Eclips'd a little with a Teirce of Wine , Or onely falne into some hoodwink'd nap , As some men may vpon the Bench , by hap . But Iustice seemes deafe when some tales are told , Perhaps his charity hath tane some cold , And that may be the cause , or rattling Coaching , Or neighing horses to her gate approaching , From thence into the stable , as her owne : The certaine truth thereof is not yet knowne . But sure she is so deafe , that she can heare , Nothing but what her Clarke blowes in her eare , Which Clarke , good men must croach to , & stand bare Or else finall Iustice mongst them they shall share , His Master like a weather-cocke inclinde , As he doth please he makes him turne and winde . This Iustice of all senses is bereft , Except his feeling , onely feeling's left : With which he swallowes with insatiate power , More bribes then doth my Corm'rant fish deuoure . A Cutpurse . THE ARGVMENT . This is a mad knaue , liues by trickes and sleights . He diues by land , and dies within the ayre : He serues no man , yet courteously he waites On whom he list , in Church , towne , throng , or faire . He will not worke , yet is well cloath'd and fed , And for his farewell seldome dies in 's bed . THis spirit , or this Ferrit , next that enters ( Although he be no Merchant ) much he ventures , And though he be a noted coward , yet Most valiantly he doth his liuing get . He hath no weapon but a curtoll knife , Wherewith for what he hath he hazards life . East Indian Merchants crosse the raging Floods , And in their ventring , venter but their goods : When as themselues at Hope securely sleepe , And neuer plow the dangerous ocean deepe , If they doe lose by Pirates , tempests , rocks , T is but a Flea bite to their wealthy stocks : VVhilst the poore Cutpurse day and night doth toile , VVatches and wardes , and doth himslefe turmoile : Oft cuts a purse before the Sessions barre , VVhilst others for their liues apleading are , To Sturbridge Faire , or vnto Bristoll ambles In ieopardy he for his liuing rambles , And what he gets he doth not beg or borrow , Ventures his necke , and there 's an end , hang sorrow VVhilst midst his perils he doth drinke and sing And hath more pursebearers then any King Liues like a Gentleman , by sleight of hand ; Can play the Foist , the Nip , the Stale , the Stand , The Snap , the Curb , the Crosbite , Warp , and List , Decoy , prig , Cheat , ( all for a hanging shift . ) Still valiant where he comes , and free from care , And dares the stocks , the whip , the Iaile outdare . Speakes the braue canting tongue , lyes with his dell , Or pad , or doxi , or his bonny Nell , And liues as merry as the day is long , In scorne of Tyburne , or the ropes ding-dong . But now a ieast or two to minde I call , Which to this function lately did befall : A Cutpurse standing in a market-towne , As for his prey his eyes scowld vp and downe , At last he shoulders neare a country Lasse , And cut her purse , as by her he did passe . Shee spide and caught him , and began to raue , Cald him rogue , rascall , villeyne , thiefe and slaue . Gep with a pox , the Cutpurse then replide , Are you so fine you can no icasting bide , I 'ue ieasted more with forty honest men , So with a moraine , take your purse agen . Another sattin Cutpurse , dawbd with lace , A country Gentleman for 's purse did chase , On whom a blew-coat Seruingman did waite , And passing through a narrow obscure strait , The thieuing knaue the purse he nimbly nims And like a land sharke , thence by land he swims . The Scruingman perceiu'd the Cutpurse tricke , Said nought , but dogges him through thinne & thick , Vntill the thiefe suppos'd the coast was cleare , As he was pissing Blew-coat cut off's eare . The Cutpurse madly gins to sweare and curse , The other said , Giue me my masters purse , VVhich you stole lately from his pocket , then There 's no wrong done , but here 's your eare agen . Thus though a Cutpurse trade be counted ill , I say he is a man of action still : Waites on Ambassadors that comes and goes , Attends at Tiltings and triumphant showes At Westminster , he still attendance giues On the Lord Mayor , his brethren , and the Shrieues , Although vnbidden , yet hee 'll be a guest , And haue his hand in sometimes with the best . And whilst he liues , note how he takes degree , Newgate's his hall , at Tyburne hee 's made free : Where commonly it so fals out with him , He dyes in perfect health , sound winde and limbe , He in a Coaches elder brother rides , And when his soule and corps , from each diuides , He foules no sheetes , nor any Physicke takes , But like a bird in'th ayre an end he makes : And such an end I wish they all may haue , And all that loue a shifting Cutpurse knaue . For they are Cormorants wheresoere they haunt , Vntill the Gallowes proues their Cormorant . A good and a bad Constable . THE ARGVMENT . This man is to the Magistrate an eye , Reuealing things which Iustice could not finde . Blacke deeds of darknesse , he doth oft descry , And is ( if he be honestly inclinde ) So fit the Common-wealth in peace to keepe , By watching carefully whilst thousands sleepe . VVhen Titan steepes his bright resplendant beames , And hides his burning Car i' th westerne streames ; VVhen to the vnder world day takes his flight , And leaues th' Horizon all in darknesse dight , VVhen Philomel doth gainst a thorne proclaime In dulcet notes , the lustfull Tereus shame , VVhen Maddam Midnight shewes her Ebon face , And darknesse doth the Hemispheare embrace , Then ( to keepe all things peaceable and well ) The watchfull Constable keepes Centinell . Then if a man ( with drinke ) his wit hath left , Or hath committed leachery , or theft , Or murder , then the Constable thinkes fit That such committers straitly he commit Hee 's Lord high Regent of the tedious night , Man of the Moone he may be called right : Great generall of Glowormes , Owles and Bats , Comptroler ouer such as whip the Cats . Dianaes forrester that with regard , Doth guard the Heard that liues within his ward , His vigilancy is most manifest , For through his hornes he lightens all the rest . Like Minos . or iust iudging Rhadamant , He walkes the darksome streets of Troynouant , Attended with his Goblins clad in Rugs , Like Russian Beares , or Phlegetonian bugs , Vntill Aurora shewes her blushing brow , And Lucifer doth shine , and Cocks do crow , Madge Howlet whooting , hides her fearefull head , Then goes the Constable and 's watch to bed . This officer in the first place I put , He that comes next is of another cut . Yet he 's a member of the peace comes next , And writ most commonly an asse in Text : Image of office he is held to be And has his staffe tip'd with authority , He has his bill-men , which can seldome keepe The name of watchmen , for they 're still asleepe . His word is Who goes there ? Where doe you dwell ? Stand still , and come before the Constable . Is this an houre : carry him to the Compter goe . Sayes a man's drunke , when his owne case is so . But let a quar'ling slaue indeed goe by , Leading by 'th arme his rampant venery , A thing of filthy surfet , like a swine , That scarce can goe laden with poxe and wine , They for their sixpence shall passe by in state , The porter with a leg will ope the gate , VVorship'd , and guarded to their lodging safe , Not with bils onely , but th'officious staffe . VVhilst the good sober man , that nothing gaue , Is straight committed for a dangerous knaue , Traytor to'th State , and in the Iayle must lye , VVhilst th' other's lighted to his lechery . This Constable may haue a tricke in store , His house may be safe harbour for a whore , Because no man will offer to search there . She there may rest , and roost secure from feare . There she may lodge , and trade too if shee will , As sure and safe , as theeues are in a Mill , Or Suburbs for the birth of Bastards are , For all desire to lay their bellies there . Nay as a Compter for a fellon's home , Or Ladies chamber for a Priest from Rome . But yet I say , t is not a matter hard , To finde an honest Constable in 's ward . Trust forbid else , and waking watchmen to , VVhose bils were neuer stolne , and much adoe To be corrupted with a villaines shilling , To wrong the good , and bad mens mindes fulfilling . Such men as those I thinke some few there be , And for the rest , would they were hangd for me . He when my Corm'rant is at rest , and thinkes Poore fish no harme , nor ought that water drinkes , That 's a night Corm'rant , and at midnight swils , Whole cans and pots with cheaters and their Iils , He makes all fish that comes into his net , Drinkes drunke , and sleepes , and then the watch is set . A London Serieant and Iaylor . THE ARGVMENT . A brace of Hell-hounds that on earth doe dwell , That tyrannize on poore mens bodies more , ( If more they could ) then diuels ore soules in hell : Whose musicke is the groanings of the poore . These , when they buy their office , sell their soules , No Cormorants are such deuouring fowles . THe Serieant I before the Iaylor name , Because he is the dog that hunts the game : He worries it , and brings it to the toyle , And then the Iaylor liues vpon the spoile . I 'ue knowne a Serieant that foure houres hath sate , Peeping and leering through a Tauerne grate , His Yeoman on the other side the way , Keeping the like watch both for one poore prey : Whom when they spide , like mastiues they come neere him , And by the throat like cruell curs they teare him ; If he hath money , to the Tauerne straight , These sucking purse-leaches will on him wait : But if his stocke below , and 's pockets drye , To'th Iayle with him , there let him starue and dye . Yet for all this a Serieant is deuout , For he doth watch and prey much out of doubt . He sels no spice , and yet in euery place He 's halfe a Grocer , for he liues by 's mace : He 's part a Gentleman , for vp and downc , Their steps he followes round about the towne . And yet he seemes a Iugler too by this , He oft from shape to shape so changed is : As sometimes like an Amsterdammian brother , Sometimes a Porters shape , sometimes another , Sometimes t'a Counsellor at Law , and then T'a lame , or blinded begger , and agen T'a Country Seruingman that brings a Deere , And with these trickes his prey he doth come deere . Wherein he imitates the diuell aright , Who can put on an Angels shape of light , That so his craft may on mens soules preuaile . So Serieants snare mens bodies for the Iayle , Time was he wore a proper kind of coate , And in his hand a white rod , as a note Whereby a man far off a knaue might spie , And shun him if he were in ieopardy . But now to no such habit he is bound , Because his place ( neere ) cost him eight score pound , To get the which againe , he must disguise And vse a thousand shifts and villanies . Oh that a man so little grace should haue To giue so much , to be esteem'd a knaue . To be shau'd , duck'd , and vnpittied dye , Curst and contemn'd within his graue to lie . To hazard soule and body , ne're to thriue , But by mens harmes , deuouring them aliue . To be the hang-mans guard , and wait vpon The Gallowes at an Execution , But yet the office is most fit we see , And fit that honest men should haue it free . Now for the other sucking diuell , the Iaylor His worke 's brought to him , as he were a Taylor . As if he were a Fencer hee 'll beginne , And aske a man what ward hee will be in : ( But first the prisoner drawes without delay , A sop for Cerberus that turnes the key . ) Then the old prisoners garnish doe demand , Which straight must be discharged out of hand . But if he cannot pay , or doth denye , He thrusts him in the hole , there lets him lye . If a good prisoner hath a well-linde purse , The Iaylor then esteemes him as his nurse , Suckes like a Bulcalfe , and doth neuer cease Till with much griefe he heares of a release . An Vnder-keeper , ( though without desert ) Is a continuall knaue in spight on 's hart : If to the prisoners he be sharpe and cruell , He proues their knaue , and his good masters Iewell : If vnto them himselfe he well behaue , He is their Iewell and his Masters knaue . So let him turne himselfe which way he can , Hee seldome shall be held an honest man. Perhaps the Iaylor in one stinking rome Hath sixe beds , for the Gallant and the Grome , ) In lowsie linnen , ragged couerlets : Twelue men to lodge in those sixe beds hee sets : For which each man doth pay a groat a night , VVhich weeklie's eight and twenty shillings right : Thus one foule dirty roome from men vnwilling , Drawes yearly seauenty three pound sixteene shilling . Besides a Iaylor ( to keepe men in feare ) Will like a demi-deuill dominere : Roare like a Bearward , grumble , snarle , and growle , Like a Towre Cat-a-Mountaine stare and scowle . He and the Serieant may be coupled too , As bane of mankind , for they both vndoe : Th'Extortioner and Broaker nam'd before , Hauing both bit and grip'd a mans state sore : In comes the Serieant for his breakfast then , Drags him to'th Iayle to be new squeezd agen : And thence he gets not , there he shall not start , Till the last drop of blood's wrong from his heart . Yet I haue heard some Serieants haue beene mild , And vs'd their prisoner like a Christians child : Nip'd him in priuate , neuer trig'd his way , As Bandogs carrion , but went faire away , Follow'd aloofe , shewd himselfe kind and meeke , And lodg'd him in his owne house for a weeke . You 'd wonder at such kindnesse in a man , So many Regions from a Christian. But what 's the cause , I le lead you out o' th maze , T is twenty shillings euery day he stayes , Besides the Serieants wife must haue a stroake , At the poore teate , some outside she must soake , Although she tridge for 't , whilst good fortunes fall , He shall command house , Serieant , and all . Thus may it come by 'th side o' th breeding woman , The Serieants son 's a Gentleman , no yeoman : And whilst they fish from mens decayes and wants , Their wiues may proue foule fleshly Cormorants . Thus a bad Serieant and a Iaylor both , Are Cormorants which all good people loathe , And yet amongst them some good men there are , Like snow at Midsommer , exceeding rare . A Symonicall Patron , and his penny Clarke . THE ARGVMENT . Here Magus seeketh holy things to buy , With cursed bribes and base corrupting gold : Lets soules for want of preaching starue and die , Fleeces and flayes his flockes , bare pilde and pold : That to speake truth , in spight of who controls , Such Clarkes and Patrone murder many soules . THis is the bane both of the age and men , A Patron with his benefices ten ; That wallowes in fat liuings a Church leach , And cannot keepe out of my Corm'rants reach , One of these Patrons doth deuoure his Clarks , As they doe perish soules , after foure Markes , And euery yeare a paire of new high shooes , For which betwixt two Churches he doth vse Each Sabbath day with diligence to trot , But to what purpose , few or none know not . Except it be'cause he would eate and feed , He 'le starue two Cures , for he can hardly reade . This sir Iohn Lacklatine , true course doth keepe , To preach the Vestry men all fast asleepe , And box and cuffe a Pulpit mightily , Speaking non-sense with nose-wise grauity , These youths , in Art , purse , and attire most bare Giue their attendance , at each steeple faire : Being once hir'd he 'le not displease his Lord , His surly Patron , nor dares preach a word , But where he giues the text , and that must be Some place of Scripture bites no vsury , Extortion , or the like , but some calme law , That will not fret his sore , be 't nere so raw . As calmly preach'd , as lamely to exptesse't . With clamarous yell that likes the parish best . This Clarke shall be a drudge too , all his time , Weedes in the garden , beares out dung and slime : Then vpon Sabbath dayes the scroyle beginnes With most vnhallowed hands , to weed vp sinnes : And from cup filling all his weeke dayes spent , Comes then to giue the Cup at Sacrament . And from his trencher waiting goes to serue Spirituall food to those that almost starue ; And what 's this Clarke that 's of such seruile mind , Some smatring Pedant or mechanicke hinde , Who taking an intelligencers place Against poore tenants , first crept into grace , And drudges for eight pounds ayeare perhaps , VVith his great vailes of Sundayes trencher scraps . This makes the sacred Tribe of Leui sad , That many of them proue the Tribe of Gad , This makes good Scholers iustly to complaine , VVhen Patrones take they care not who for gaine , VVhen as a Carter shall more wages haue , Then a good Preacher that helpes soules to saue , These Cormorants Gods part doth eate and cram , And so they fare well , care not who they damne , The people scarce knowes what a Sermon meanes , For a good Preacher there can haue no meanes , To keepe himselfe with cloathes , and books , and bread Nor scarce a pillow t'vnderlay his head . The whilst the Patrons wife ( my Lady Gay ) Fares , and is deckt most dainty euery day : Shee 'le see that preaching trouble not the towne , And weares a hundred Sermons in a Gowne . Shee hath a preachers liuing on her backe , For which the soules of many goes to wrack , And hires a mungrell cheaply by the yeare , To famish those Christs blood hath bought so deare ; What greater cruelty can this exceed , Then to pine those whom Iesus bids them feed , These are hels vultures , Tophets greedy fowles , That proue ( like diuels ) Cormorants of soules . A Country Yeoman . THE ARGVMENT . Here Dauy dicker comes , God speed the plough , Whose Sonne 's a Gentleman , and hunts and haukes : His Farme good cloathes and feeding will allow , And whatsoere of him the Country talkes , His sonne 's in silkes , with feather in his head , Untill a begger bring a foole to bed . THe Romane Histories doe true relate How Dioclesian chang'd his Emp'rors state , To liue in quiet in a Country Farme , Out of the reach of treasons dangerous arme . Then was a Farmer , like a labring Ant , And not a land deuouring Cormorant . For if a Gentleman hath land to let , He 'le haue it , at what price soe're t is set , And bids , and ouer-bids , and will giue more , Then any man could make of it before : Offers the Landlord more then he would craue , And buyes it , though he neither get nor saue . And whereas Gentlemen their land would let , At rates that tenants might both saue and get , This Cormorant will giue his landlord more , Then he would aske , in hope that from the poore He may extort it double , by the rate , Which he will sell his corne and cattle at . At pining famine he will ne're repine , T is plenty makes this Cormorant to whine , To hoard vp corne with many a bitter ban , From widowes , orphanes , and the lab'ring man : He prayes for raine in haruest , night and day , To rot and to consume the graine and hay : That so his mowes and reekes , and stacks that mould , At his owne price he may translate to gold . But if a plenty come , this rauening thiefe Torments ( and sometimes hangs ) himselfe with griefe . And all this raking toyle , and carke and care , Is for his clownish first borne sonne and heire , Who must be gentled by his ill got pelfe , Though he ( to get it ) got the diuell himselfe . And whilst the fathers bones a rotting lie , His sonne his cursed wealth , accurst lets flie , In whores , drinke , gaming , and in reuell coyle , The whilst his fathers soule in flames doth broile . And when the father on the earth did liue , To his sonnes fancy he such way did giue , For at no season he the plough must hold , The Summer was too hot , the Winter cold , He robs his mother of her butter pence , Within the Alehouse serues him for expence . And so ( like Coles dog ) the vntutor'd mome , Must neither goe to Church , nor bide at home . For he his life another way must frame , To hauke , to hunt , abusing the Kings game , Some Nobleman or Gentleman that 's neere , At a cheape rate to steale what they call deere . VVhen if a poore man ( his great want to serue ) Whose wife and children ready are to starue , If he but steale a sheepe from out the fold , The chuffe would hang him for it if he could . For almes , he neuer read the word releeue , He knowes to get , but neuer knowes to giue , And whatsoere he be that doth liue thus , Is a worse Cormorant then my Aesacus , A Figure flinger , or a couzning cunning man. THE ARGVMENT . Amongst a foolish , faithlesse , gracelesse crew , This man hath better credit then Gods word : For losse that 's past , or profit to ensue , Like to a Terme , with Customers hee 's stor'd . Hee 's a Sooth-sayer , but saith seldome sooth , And hath the Diuels great seale for what he doth . HEre now I draw a curtaine and discouer Amongst all knaues the deuils speciall louer : One that doth court him still , and daily wooe , And faine would see the deuill , but knowes not how . He has him in his workes , that 's his sure place , But has not Art to bring him to his face . VVhen he could wish him to his outward sense , The diuell sits laughing in his conscience : Yet you shall haue this figure-flinger prate , To his gull client ( small wit shallow pate , ) As if he were Lord warden of hell fire , And Lucifer and he had both one sire , The Fiends his couzen Germanes ( once remou'd ) From earth to hell , where he is best belou'd . More fustian language from his tongue doth drop , Then would set forth an honest tradesmans shop : As if that all Magitians that ere were , Vnworthy were his learned bookes to beare , Not Zoroastres , King o' th Bactrians , Nor the sage Magi of the Persians , Nor any coniuring sonne of Cham or Chus , Nor Faustus with his Mephostophilus , Cornelius Agrippa , Simon Magus , Nor any twixt the riuer Thames or Tagus , Nor Britanes Bladud , Cambriaes Merlin , Bacon , Companions for this man would ne're be taken . For he is rare , and deeply read indeed , In the admir'd right reuerend old wiues Creed , Takes of the Iewish Thalmud , and Cabals , Solstitiums and Equinoctials , Of auguries , of prophecies , predictions , Prognostications , reuelation , fictions , And as he could the Elements command , He seemes as he their minds doth v●derstand . By Fire he hath the skill of Pyromanty , By Ayre he hath the art of Heromanty , By Water he knowes much in Hidromanty , And by the Earth he 's skil'd in Geomanty : Palme Chiromanty , couzuing Necromancy , To gull the world , to fulfill fooles fancy . Hags , ghosts , and goblins , furies , fairies , clues , He knowes the secrets of the diuells themselues , There 's not a Nimph , a fawne , or goatefoot Satyre , That liues by fire , by ayre , by earth , or water , Nor Driades or Hamadriades , Betwixt Septentrio and Meridies , But he commands them to doe what they list , If he but bend the brow , or clutch the fist . Hee 'le tell a mans hearts secrets what he thinkes , Like Oedipus vnfolds th'ambiguous Sphinx , With skill surpassing great Albumazers , He with intelligencing Fiends confers , And by his wondrous Attacoosticon , Knowes the Turkes counsell , and what Prester Iohn Determines , or what businesse now befals Amidst the conclaue of Romes Cardinals . He can release , or else encrease all harmes , About the necke or wrests by tying charmes . He hath a tricke to kill the Agues force , And make the patient better , or much worse , To the great toe three letters he can tye , Shall make the gowt to tarry or else flye . With two words and three leaues of foure leau'd grasse He makes the tooth-ach , stay , repasse , or passe : If lost goods you againe would faine haue got , Goe but to him , and you shall speed , or not . But he will gaine whether you get or lose , He 'le haue his fee , for so the bargaine goes : He 'le tell you wonders when you are alone , Of the Philosophers admired stone : And that it from Vtopia first did come . Brought to him by a spirit , he sent to Rome , Whereby ( t' inrich the world he dares be bold ) To turne pans , pots , and dripping pans to gold . And in the Goldsmiths burnisht glistring row , Place Ironmongers with a fairer show , Turne Spits and Andir'ns to bright mettle shining , that whē coin's scarce you straight may put to coining These and a thousand more , as idlely vaine Fooles swallow , and he swallowes them againe , And though the marke of truth he neuer hits , Yet still this Cormorant doth liue by 's wits , And ne're will want a false deuouring tricke , Till hels Archcormorant deuoure him quicke . A Corrupted Lawyer , and a knauish Vndershriefe . THE ARGVMENT . The soule of Commonwealths is in good lawes , Their execution makes a happy State , But where corruption opes his hungry Iawes , Where Lawyers doe encrease , not cease debate , Such Law wormes are the diuels dearest brood , Who make the common harme their priuate good . A Hall , a hall , the tramplers are at hand , A shifting master , and as sweetly mand : His Buckrum bearer , one that knowes his ku , Can write with one hand , and receiue with two . The trampler is in haste , O cleere the way , Takes fees with both hands cause he cannot stay , No matter where the cause be right or wrong , So he be payd for letting out his tongue . Me thinkes that posie which the Painters score Vpon Inne posts , would fir this fellowes doore , Because he lets his conscience out for fee , That here 's a tongue that 's let at liuery . This pettifogger , like a Lapland witch , Sels his winde deare , and so growes diuellish rich : Breath is his life and deare he 'le sell his breath , The more he wastes , the nearer is his death . To begger any man he will not straine His voice , except they pay him for his paine . He best doth fare where C●ients fare the worse , And euery meale hath first and second course , The dish●s that come first vp to the messe , Are bra●les and quarrels , strife , vnquietnesse , Contentio●s , emulations , and debate , These furnish forth his table in great state . And then for picking meat , or dainty bits , The second course is actions , cases , writs : Long suits from terme to terme , and fines and fees At the last cast comes in for fruit and cheese . The man of all men , most in art excel'd , That in Great Britaine would cont●●●ion geld , And by that meanes could make a good preuention , Contention would beg●t no more con●ention . This Lawyers riches euer springs and bloomes , From sheeps coat , calues skin , russet hobnaild grooms , Perswading them that all things shal goe well , Sucks out the egge , leaues them the empty shell . He hath a sleight in s●inning out a cause , Till all the money out of purse it drawes , His clients with full budgets come to towne , But he takes order for then going downe , The full is now the Lawyers , theirs the wane , Like buckets turn'd to come vp full againe : With papers laden thinke themselues most firme , C●●e them downe , to bring them vp next terme . Horse , plow , and cattle goe to wracke , split all , T is fit the stable wait● vpon ●he stall . Their sheepe the parchment beares their geese the quils , Which turnes their state as this bad Lawyer wils . Their sh●rts the paper makes , their Bees the wax , T' vndoe themselues that good discretion lacks , These men like geese against themsel●es doe things , In plucking quils from their owne foolish wings , This Lawyer makes his dang'rous shafts withall , And shootes them at the fowles from whence they fall . The Commonwealths impostu● he doth cut , And the corruption in his purse doth put . One giues him for a bribe , a brawne or swine , And that 's drown'd with anothers But of wine , One giues a Coach all deckt and painted gay , Anothers horses drawes it quite away One giues a Iarre of Oyle to scape the foile , An O●e or'eturnes the Iarre , and spils the Oyle . And thus like Pharaohs Kine , he hath the power , To make the fattest bribes the leane deuoure . His motions moue commotions , and his suites Foure times a yeare doe termely yield him fruits . Foure sundry wayes a kingdomes Lawes are vs'd , By two maintained , and by two abus'd : Good Lawyers liue by Law , and t is most fit , Good men obey the Law , liue vnder it . Bad Lawyers ( for their gaine ) doe wrest the Law , Bad men of God or mans Law haue no awe . But whether these men vse Law well or i●l , Th'inten●ion of the Law is honest still . For as the text is rent , and torne , and varied , And by opinions from the sense is carried By ignorant and wilfull Hereticks , Or impure separating Scismaticks , Though from the truth of text all men should seuer , The text is permanent and sacred euer . Euen so the Law is in it selfe vpright , Correcting and protecting , wrong and right : T is no iust Lawyers , 〈◊〉 the lawes defame , Although some hounds of hell abuse the same . This Cormorant I meane , gulps whom he list , And hauing swallow'd fees into his fist , Defers the motion till the Court withdrawes , Then to the cushions pleads the poore mans cause , As formally as if the Iudges sate , No matter for the man , the money 's gat . My Cormorant was neuer match'd till now , If I sayd o're match'd , I le resolue you how , And you that reade it shall confesse it true , Perhaps it is a thing well knowne to you , Where Corm'rants haunts , numbers of fish grow lesse , But where bad Lawyers come , there brawles encrease . Now master Vndershriefe I vnderstand , You bring my Lawyers worke vnto his hand , You bring him stuffe , he like a Taylor cuts it . And into any shape he pleaseth puts it . Though to the Client it appeare slight stuffe , It shall out last him any sute of Buffe : For though from tearme to tearme it be worne long , T is drest still with the teazle of the tongue , That ( though it be old ) at euery day of hearing , It lookes fresh , as 't had neuer come to wearing . And though it seeme as th' owner neuer wore it , A broaker will not giue him three pence for it . Sweet master Shrieue , let it not grieue your minde , You being the last o' th broode , come last behinde , No doubt you might be first in a bad case , But being call'd vnder , I make this your place ; I know where ere you stand , you are so good , You 'll scorne to be vnlike one of the brood , And take 't in dudgeon ( as you might no doubt ) If'mongst this ranke of Corm'rants you were out . I haue a warrant here for what I doe , Plaine truth it selfe , and that haue seldome you . Some of your tribe a man may honest call , But those my Corm'rant meddles not withall . You that dare fright men of a shallow wit , Who cannot reade when there is nothing writ : And can returne ( when you are pleas'd to saue ) A Non inuentus for a bribing knaue . For one that stands indebted to the King A Nihil habet , if his purse can ring . When a poore man shall haue his Bullockes ceaz'd , And priz'd at little , to make you appeaz'd You haue the art and skill to raze words out Of Writs and Warrants , to bring gaine about . I will not serue you so , for if you looke , Your name stands fairely printed in my booke , For euery one to reade , how you can straine On widowes goods , and restore none againe . Picke Iuries for your purpose , which is worse Then if you pick'd the wronged plaintiffes purse : Returne your Writs to your aduantage best , Bring in some money , and drab ou● the rest . Leauing ( oft times ) the high Shrieue in the lurch , VVho stops the bounty should repayre the Church , Or buy some bels to sound forth his deuotion . If eyther ayre , or earth , or the wide ocean Can shew worse Cormorants , or any brooke , I 'le neuer aske a penny for my Booke . EPILOGVE . NOw Reader , tell me ( if thou well canst iudge ) If any honest man haue cause to grudge At these my Satyres , being plaine and true , Giuing the world and the diuell their due . I haue but bluntly call'd a spade a spade , And he that winceth shewes himselfe a iade . Be quiet , see thy faults , and learne t' amend , Thou shew'st thy guiltinesse if thou contend . FINIS .