Nonsence upon sence, or, Sence, upon nonsence chuse you either or neither : written upon white paper, in a browne study, betwixt Lammas day and Cambridge, in the yeare aforesayd / by John Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A64189 of text R2497 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing T491). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 20 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 9 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A64189 Wing T491 ESTC R2497 11950344 ocm 11950344 51386 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A64189) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 51386) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 516:36) Nonsence upon sence, or, Sence, upon nonsence chuse you either or neither : written upon white paper, in a browne study, betwixt Lammas day and Cambridge, in the yeare aforesayd / by John Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 16 p. [s.n.], London : 1651. In verse. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. eng A64189 R2497 (Wing T491). civilwar no Nonsence upon sence: or Sence, upon nonsence: chuse you either, or neither. Written upon white paper, in a browne study, betwixt Lammas day Taylor, John 1651 3479 2 0 0 0 0 0 6 B The rate of 6 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. 2002-10 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-11 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-12 John Latta Sampled and proofread 2002-12 John Latta Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Nonsence upon Sence : OR SENCE , UPON NONSENCE : Chuse you either , or neither . Written upon White Paper , in a Browne Study , betwixt Lammas Day and Cambridge , in the Yeare aforesayd . By JOHN TAYLOR . LONDON , Printed in the Yeare , 1651. Nonsence upon Sence , &c , MOunt meekly low , on blew presumptuous wings , Relate the force of fiery water Springs , Tell how the Artick and Antartick Pole Together met , at Hockley in the Hole : How Etna and Vessuvius , in cold blood , Were both drown'd in the Adriatick flood . Speake truth ( like a Diurnall ) let thy pen Camelion like , rouse Lyons from their Den , Turne frantick Woolpacks into melting Rocks , And put Olympus in a Tinder box . Report how Russian Cats do bark like Dogs , And Scithian Mountains are turn'd Irish Bogs . Feast Ariadne with Tartarian Tripes , Transform great Cannons to Tobacco-pipes : Make Venus like a Negro , white as Jet . And puffepaste of the Tombe of Mahomet . Then mounted on a Windmill , presently To Dunstable in Darby shire I 'le flie : From thence I 'le take the Chariot of the Sunne And swim to Scotland , and bring newes what 's done . From thence I le soare to silver Cinthia's lap , And with Endymion take a nine years nap : There I le drink healths with smug fac'd Mulciber At all the twelve signes in the Hemisphere . Tush tell not me these things are past dispute , I le from th' Hesperides bring golden fruit : Such as the Poets Palfrey Pegasus , Fetch'd from the fertile Mole-hill Caucasus . 'T is not the Persian Gulph , or Epshams Well , Nor Westminsters sweet Plum broath ( made in Hell ) Can change my resolution ; I have vow'd , To speake with silence , and to write aloud , That bulls of Basan , and the Circean Swine , Shall al dance Trenchmore at these works of mine . Rouse up thou Ghost of Guzman , and apply Thy selfe to me , and let 's write Tempe dry : Be rul'd by me , we 'le empty all Hellicon , In scribling gainst the whore of Babylon ; The Dunsmore Cowes milke shall make Sillibubs , And our Religion shall be brought in Tubs . Make haste unto the Fayre calld Bartholomew , And thence , from the Heroick Mungrell Crew , Take the fine Gewgaw hobby horses all , Which we will man , and then a Counsell call , And conquer Callice , Kent and Christendome , Knock down the Turk , and bravely ransack Rome . What can be done more ? what more can be sed ? Let 's play at Blind-man-buffe for ginger bread : We 'le have a dish of Dabs in Fish-street drest , And with the Lobsters Lady we will feast . For as the Gout is but a pleasing itch . The best Beare-garden Bull dog , was a Bitch . We have both eight , and eighteen parts of speech , Whereby I find Ash burnes as well as Beech . Gargantuas scull is made a frying pan , To fry or follow the Leviathan , That Gogmagog , Nick Wood or Mariot , Nor Creatan , Miloe , or Iscariot , Were not such valiant Stomack'd men as those That eat the Devils gowty petitoes . Hark , hark , how from the South fierce Boreas rores ; Give me a Sculler , or a paire of Oares , I le make the Orient and the Occident , Both friends at Smithfield in the wild of Kent . For now Tom Holders Mare hath broke her Crupper , Dresse me a dish of AE-dipthongs to supper . The Dean of Dunstable hath bought and sold Twelve lies new printed , for two groats in gold . T is almost past the mamory of man Since famous Arthur first in Court began : Yet though King Lud did raign in Troynovaunt , Will Summers was no kin to John a Gaunt . What news from Trippolie ? wat●ho●s there ho : The West wind blowes South North at Jerico . Steere well and steddy , boys look look to th' Helme : Fetch Gooseberries that grow upon the Elme : Like Cormorants let 's live upon the Ayre , And of a Whirlepoole make a marble chaire . Blind men may see , and deafe men all shall heare , How dumb men talk because Cow hides are deare . Go to th' Utopian Kingdome and relate , That to their King these lines I dedicate : Bid him take note of me , and understand , He hath not such a Poet in his Land . Down by the dale with Milk and Creame that slowes . Upon a Hill ( below the valley ) grows Hungarian Peacocks , white as crimson Geese , There sate a Rat upon a Holland Cheese . No sooner did blind Bayard see the sight : Two beauteous ugly Witches took their flight To tell the King of China wondrous newes How all Scotch Knaves were hang'd , and English Jews . Th' Athenian Hidra , and the Bird Torpedo Were catch'd in France , in Mouse-traps neare Toledo . A Scolopendra comming from Pickthatch Made drunke a Constable , and stole the Watch . Do what you can Madge howlet is an Owle : And Beans with Buttermilk is rare wild Fowle . The Coblers daughter , we three both together We 'le match : he 'le give a thousand pieces with her ; Besides the smoak of Keinsam , and Bell-Swagger , Who oft at Mims did use his dudgeon Dagger . Then shall the Pericranians of the East . South , North , and West with every bird and Beast ; All Knuckle deep in Paphlagonian Sands Inhabit Transilvanian Netherlands . 'T is th' onely gallant way to gain promotion , To squeeze Oyle from the Cinders of devotion , Translate our Roundhead Turnigs into Carrers , And turn the lowest Cellers to high Garrets . Let Neptune be a Shepheard , and let Vulcan Make hast to Greenland , and there drinke his full Kan . Titus Andronicus hath writ a Treatise Of Mole-hills in the Entrailes of Dame Theatis , Wherein a man may learn before he looks To catch mince-pies , with neither nets or hooks . There Policy with practice cut and dry'd Were Carted both in triumph through Cheapside . If Monday hang himself , no further seek , Henceforward Tuesday shall begin the weeke . No more of that I pray , I am afear'd There 's not one haire upon Diana's beard . Great Agamemnon late combin'd with Hector , To preach at Amsterdam an Irish Lector , Which shall convert the Horse , the Asse and Mule , And all the Beasts in Hipperborean Thule . If Sun-shine will with shaddows but consent , We 'le make the winter of our discontent To force fierce Crook-back into better tune , And turne Decembers heat to frost in June . When this externall substance of my soule Did live at liberty , I caught wild fowle , I was a Caitiffe in the Court of Spaine , And playd at shuttle-cock with Charlemaigne . Then I did magnifie and mundifie , Then I the Fairy Queene did putrifie , And purifie again , and dignifie , All such as did her greatnesse deifie , Females did edifie and fructifie , And amplifie and coldly gratifie . The Lake of Learna I did clarifie , My Verse the Ethiop Queen did beautifie , With rage my patience I would qualifie , I can both certifie and testifie How Death did live , and Life did mortifie : Feare alwayes did my courage fortifie , He 's crafty that his wits can rectifie : To villifie , make glad and terrifie , And with course words old debts to satisfie , That man , I le ratifie and notifie , To be one that himselfe will justifie , And fie , fo , fum , concludes him with O fie . Thus from complexions I have Minerals drawne , Brave Captaine Fumble layd his sword to pawne To ransome Jeffery Chausers Cipresse Gowne , Thersites with a Rush knock'd Ajax downe ; Imperious Momus wrot th' Atlantick story Of wars betwixt Achilles and John Dory : 'T was dedicated to the Isle of Lundy . An Emblem ●ight of transit gloria mundi . Let not the distances of place molest us , Abidos is not forty miles from Sestus : As Hero lov'd Leander I 'le agree , Though he and she were mad , what 's that to me ? 'T is likely Cleopatra and Antonius Met , but saw not the Cardinail Barronius : The Capitoll , and silken Rack Tarpeyus In a Seadan to Lichfield shall convey us ; And like a wheele-barrow we 'le cut and curry , And fetch good newes from Shropshire and from Surry : There is no Eunuch of the Race of Brutus , That either can confute us , or cornute us . Old Solon was no Jester , nor no Jyber , And English Thames is better then Romes Tyber : I tooke a Cammell , and to Naples went I , Of pickled Sausedges I found great plenty ; The Gudgeon catcher there , o're top'd the Nobles , And put the Viceroy in a peck of troubles : Brave tag rag multitude of Omnium Gatherum , Shuffle 'um together , and the Devill father 'um : But now and then was squeez'd a rich Delinquent , By which good means away the precious chinke went : Renowned was the Rascall Massennello , In fifteen dayes he was raw , ripe , and mellow : Laugh , laugh , thou whining foole Heraclitus , And weep thou grinning Asse Democratus : The gray Horse is the better Mare by halfe , The Bull at Bear-Garden , and Walthams Calfe Are reconcil'd , but not concluded fully Who pleaded best . Demosthenes or Tully : I am indifferent , fill the other Kan , Logick hath Art to make an Ape a man : I weeping sing , to thinke upon the Quibblins 'Twixt Romane , and Imperiall Guelphs and Giblins , How Munsters John a Leide , and Knipperdoling Were barberous Barbers in the Art of poling . From Sence and Nonsence , I am wide , quoth Wallice , But not so far as Oxford is from Callice : Give me a Leash of merry Blades , right Bilboes , True tatterd Rogues , in Breech , Shirts , Skirts , and Elboes , And each of them will make a fit diciple , To ride up Holborne to the tree that 's triple . A man may think his purse is turn'd a Round-head , When all the crosses in it are confounded : 'T is said that Poetry a thriving trade is , And gets a world of wealth from Lords and Ladies , The devill they do , false shamefull Lowne thou ly'st , And when thou canst no longer live , thou dy'st . Lend me Rhamnussnes Flanders blade , I 'le lash The sober Centaures , turn great Oaks to Ash : A long Dev'ls broath , be sure you bring a spoon , Our mornings shall begin at afternoone ; And Minos , Eacus , nor Rhadamantus May roare and rant , but never shall out rant us . As we are temporall , le ts be temporisers , We scorne to be surpriz'd , we 'le be surprizers : Let 's make grim Pluto stink , the welkin rumble , And Hollophernes bluster , Now and grumble , Rending up mighty thistles by the roots , Because an Hostler stole away his boots ; Then with á multiplying Gally pot , I 'le know the projects of the crafty Scot ; And then he shall be forc'd to hide his head In Tenebris , in Poland , or in Swead . Fough , this Tobacco stinks ; thou dirty Hag Abato faire , I le put thee in a bag . Search Asia , Affrick , and America , To find the Goddesse Berecinthia , And know how Pirramus and Thisbe fell Together by the eares , late in Bridewell . Words are but winde in terme time , but vacations Are fit to publish silent Proclamations . There was a businesse never vnderstood , The womans suit in Law was just and good : She lost the day , this did her cause disgrace , The Lawyer put some ill into her case . Before I le live this life , I le take a Knife , And drown my selfe , and then what needs a Wife ? Strange things are done by art and humane power : Quinborough Castle landed neare the Tower . Much like a prodigy old time playd Rex : A Kentish Castle came to Middlesex . May not a man cal'd Newgate dwell at Highgate , And wed a Widdow at the Pye at Algate ? Therefore let us like or dislike Presbytery , It will work finely , if it once besquitter ye . Bring me a Salamander from Surat in France , The Alps and the Pirenian hills shall dance . In Greenwich Parke there smiling Nioby Shall laugh and lye down like an Oyster Pye . Fame is a lying slut , she told me tales , That in October Christmas came from Wales : Believe it , take the wings of Icarus , And walke to Hounsditch , and to Erebus , There tell them plainly how the case stands here , And bring us word how matters do go there . Unto the Market I le run presently , And there a peck of troubles I will buy , One told me they would multiply and grow ; All England with them I will plant and sow : Which , as they ripen dayly I le take care That every living soule shall have a share . I le serve my selfe first , and I le have such store In time of need to serve a thousand more . But I forget my Theame , O soule offence ! This Nonsence hath a taste of too much sence : The Asse , Goose , Woodcocke , Buzzard , and the Gull , Beat out their Braines , and put them in my scull ; And tell the men of Gotham t is thought fit The Wise men there should lend me all their wit . For Nonsence I will taxe all Christendome , Great Emperours and Kings shall pay me some . And many a Major , or Justice of the Peace Will give me Tribute and the Tax increase To such a height , that Cardinals from Rome Cuckolds and Constables shall pay me some : Strong Hull , with fata I Hell , and Hallifax , Shall naturally bring me tole and tax . The mighty stock of Nonsence I will win , Shall be the universall Magazine For Universities to worke upon , The rich Philosophers admired Stone ; Then I make Poetsrich , and Us'rers poore ; And thus resolv'd , at this time write more . This Dedication is humbly directed to a living man , quartered into foure Offices , ( viz. ) a Scavenger , a Beadle , a Cobler , and halfe a Constable . To the high and mighty Davidius Vulcanus , Duke and Dominator of the Dunghils , and absolute , resolute , dissolute Scavenger of the Towne and Territories of Gravesend in Norfolk , great Master and Baron of the Wheelebarrow , the only Farmer , Transporter , Lord of the Soyle , and Privy searcher of all Mixens , and Muckhils , simple or compound , in the Liberties aforesaid . Cleanser , clearer , and avoyder of the most Turpitudinous , Merdurinous , excrementall offals , Muck and Garbadge . Refiner , Purger , Clarifier , Purifier , Mundifier , Excluder , and Expulser of Putrifactious and Pestiferous Contagions ; the Potentissimo , Excellentissimo , Invader , Scatterer , Disperser , Consumer and Confounder of offensive unsavoury savours , smels , scents , and vapours : Great Soldan , Sultan , and Grand Signiour over all varieties of stinks and stinkards ; most Triumphant Termagant , unresistable Conquerour and Commander of the major and minor ( the great and the lesse ) Turditanians , chiefe Corigidor and Beadle of all the Precinct , sole Transplanter , Terrifier , Controler , and Corrector of Beggers and Vagabonds . The terrible Hue and Cry Cryer , chiefe Court Cryer , Jayle-Keeper , and onely confiner of the Hogs ; chiefe and most frequent vigilant Watchman , demy Constable , and Image of Authority , the most accomplished Cobler , exquisite Translater , and exact Reformer of oppressed , decayed , wicked and oppressed seales : And the onely justiciary rectifier , underlayer and setter upright of such Brethren and Sisters , as doe go aside , and tread their foot awry in these dayes of vanity , and paths of iniquity : In hope ( Great Sir ) I have not abated you of the least tittle of your Title , your Honorable stile being so high , that no Christian , Pagan , Heathen , Turke , Jew , Infidell , Cuckold or Canniball , can never climbe to the top of it , there being a late report that your multiplicity and many affaires of State have distarbed your rest , and impaired your health , insomuch as it is thought your pericranion is crazed or cracked , and you thereby in danger to fall into a Callenturian disease , which is to be doubted may produce a Vertigo in your head , whereby your wit may be troubled with a superfluous flax , which may prove a molestation to your selfe , and the whole Towne , that hath in it selfe , and in every place round about it , more troubles then they can well beare . But if their hard fortune should be , that when you are working to your owne Ends , and that you should call for your Aule , and Death should mistake and bring you your Last , whereby such a privy member as your selfe might be publickly lost ; it is feared , griefe would overflow the whole Towne , and that some of the Townesmen ( with the helpe of their Wives ) would runne starke horne mad : To prevent this great detriment of such a losse as that Towne may undergo in this time of scarcity of wit , wisdome , and wise men ; for feare you should fall into the dangerous diseases of the Mubble-fubbles , or the grumbling in the Gizzard : Therefore ( 10 drive away dumps ) and to give you some Recreation , I have made bold to present your Greatnesse with this Dedication , which if you will vouchsafe but to read and understand , and in so doing you shall do more for the Auhour , then he ever was , or shall do himselfe . J. T Allandro pasqueto Mallatrumpa entangrino liuroe . ILvento Chioli , Mauritambull Teda fulgare , Antro della campo il Danto Cordi sublima Pantathos , stremo standina eschine vandri Bene in shendo , tercia penthe dissadi . Mecrops , Sans sida vocifera Randa Bavinea , Allatendrea quanto , Eltrada Pizminov venta , Mega Pollimunton , Theorba quasie qaicunque Tripolina Tiphon , Quabacondono sapho . Terra tragmus sophye , sunt diacalcitheo Geata . Avostre Obserdandi Zhean De Fistye Cankie De Sallamanca Andalowsia . Or thus you may English it , in the transcending praise of the Authour , and his Booke . TIll PHEBUS blustring blasts shall cease to blow , And AEOLUS shall hide his radient Raies , Till VULCANS Forge be fram'd of SCITHIAN Snow , And NEPTUNE like a Shepheard spend his dayes ; When SATURNE shall sell Mouse-traps , and allow MARS to fing Madrigalls , and Round delayes : Then shall thy Booke and thee be out of Date , And scorne the fury of consuming Fate . To your Worthinesse in all Observance Devoted . John Defistie Cankie Of Sallamanca in Andalusia . FINIS .