Summary of your 'study carrel' ============================== This is a summary of your Distant Reader 'study carrel'. The Distant Reader harvested & cached your content into a collection/corpus. It then applied sets of natural language processing and text mining against the collection. The results of this process was reduced to a database file -- a 'study carrel'. The study carrel can then be queried, thus bringing light specific characteristics for your collection. These characteristics can help you summarize the collection as well as enumerate things you might want to investigate more closely. Eric Lease Morgan May 27, 2019 Number of items in the collection; 'How big is my corpus?' ---------------------------------------------------------- 45 Average length of all items measured in words; "More or less, how big is each item?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 93328 Average readability score of all items (0 = difficult; 100 = easy) ------------------------------------------------------------------ 95 Top 50 statistically significant keywords; "What is my collection about?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 33 look 29 good 25 Ankh 23 right 23 Morpork 21 like 13 Vetinari 12 Vimes 12 Mrs 12 Miss 12 Granny 11 Weatherwax 11 Watch 11 Lord 10 death 10 Ogg 9 thing 9 University 9 Nobby 9 Nanny 9 King 9 Carrot 8 Rincewind 8 Ridcully 8 Colon 8 Archchancellor 7 Patrician 7 Mister 7 Dean 6 yes 6 Tiffany 6 Sergeant 6 Ponder 6 Guild 6 Detritus 6 Bursar 5 Librarian 5 Lancre 5 Lady 5 Igor 5 Fred 5 Esme 5 Cohen 5 Arthur 5 Angua 4 Sir 4 Sam 4 Rob 4 Mrs. 4 Mr. Top 50 lemmatized nouns; "What is discussed?" --------------------------------------------- 9726 thing 9359 man 8505 time 7812 people 6954 way 6252 something 5624 hand 5286 sir 5238 one 4411 head 4249 eye 3916 bit 3844 day 3768 door 3617 lot 3539 voice 3417 someone 3216 word 3215 world 3080 face 3000 anything 2889 place 2542 foot 2514 nothing 2438 year 2369 air 2354 wizard 2353 moment 2337 night 2308 city 2295 kind 2280 everyone 2271 life 2259 sort 2205 room 2194 mind 2178 dwarf 2094 wall 2091 witch 2049 woman 2043 course 2042 anyone 2018 side 1994 fact 1920 water 1895 death 1879 everything 1844 light 1818 name 1736 point Top 50 proper nouns; "What are the names of persons or places?" -------------------------------------------------------------- 8074 Vimes 4578 Mr 4117 Granny 3842 Tiffany 3690 Rincewind 3222 Nanny 2712 Moist 2600 Carrot 2209 Miss 2117 Ankh 1883 Morpork 1809 Vetinari 1734 Mrs 1678 Magrat 1585 Ogg 1575 Nobby 1574 Lord 1503 Ridcully 1318 Mister 1312 Weatherwax 1279 Susan 1244 Angua 1213 Teppic 1192 William 1066 Brutha 1064 King 1039 Watch 989 Johnny 964 Colon 938 Archchancellor 922 Sergeant 894 Igor 894 Cohen 880 Lady 853 Dean 826 Detritus 813 Polly 807 Rob 802 Lipwig 797 Victor 790 sir 765 Glenda 752 Sam 751 Dibbler 742 Ponder 729 Patrician 723 Mau 709 Guild 695 Sybil 686 University Top 50 personal pronouns nouns; "To whom are things referred?" ------------------------------------------------------------- 77279 it 65662 you 59182 he 55741 i 26479 they 24636 she 16320 we 14767 him 12139 them 10507 me 5570 her 3125 us 2305 himself 970 herself 965 itself 939 themselves 630 yourself 522 em 520 one 484 ''s 473 ''em 441 myself 407 ’s 181 mine 152 yours 132 Ì 108 ourselves 82 ye 72 his 67 ’em 51 ours 48 theirs 48 hers 45 i- 39 d''you 29 thee 29 huh 24 meself 18 s 13 ya 12 ye’re 12 ng 12 it- 11 yourselves 10 me- 8 yew 8 jus 8 hisself 7 wh 7 bookshelf Top 50 lemmatized verbs; "What do things do?" --------------------------------------------- 179881 be 68973 say 56505 have 40947 do 17276 get 17074 go 15193 know 14871 look 14819 ’ 14506 think 12621 see 8999 make 8049 come 7350 take 5675 tell 5427 want 5343 give 5295 turn 5101 find 5085 mean 4984 try 3879 hear 3744 put 3514 feel 3340 happen 3237 seem 3208 stand 3208 let 3152 run 3019 stop 2957 use 2956 leave 2849 keep 2831 like 2821 work 2752 watch 2718 ’d 2687 stare 2679 call 2667 need 2590 hold 2554 move 2461 sit 2445 walk 2345 begin 2329 talk 2190 remember 2184 open 2098 ask 2058 believe Top 50 lemmatized adjectives and adverbs; "How are things described?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- 54015 not 16744 up 12318 just 11238 then 9988 out 9384 so 8900 very 8795 now 8259 down 8164 good 7299 right 7008 here 6882 back 6126 more 5977 little 5660 there 5553 all 5363 only 5361 even 5308 on 5218 other 5214 old 5061 too 4965 away 4939 never 4576 well 4485 really 4428 again 4370 much 4121 big 3987 off 3776 always 3613 long 3573 as 3558 still 3494 around 3226 in 3056 small 2921 few 2538 bad 2381 quite 2378 sure 2342 enough 2256 ever 2236 first 2215 probably 2212 last 2193 many 2159 over 2149 own Top 50 lemmatized superlative adjectives; "How are things described to the extreme?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1621 least 1124 good 977 most 376 Most 310 bad 245 near 134 big 133 great 116 fine 86 old 82 faint 62 late 53 large 47 young 44 small 44 high 33 deep 29 fast 28 strong 27 close 22 mere 21 dark 20 long 15 strange 15 sharp 15 rich 14 tiny 12 tall 12 simple 11 slight 11 hard 10 ’d 10 wise 10 safe 10 low 10 hot 10 eld 10 bright 9 loud 9 keen 9 early 9 MOST 8 tough 8 odd 8 furth 8 cheap 7 topmost 7 quick 7 happy 6 short Top 50 lemmatized superlative adverbs; "How do things do to the extreme?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 802 most 334 least 79 well 5 worst 3 soon 3 long 2 shortest 2 near 1 wisest 1 sourceless 1 sharpest 1 plathe 1 highest 1 heaviest 1 hard 1 grathe 1 gen''rally 1 -were Top 50 Internet domains; "What Webbed places are alluded to in this corpus?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4 www.harpercollinsebooks.com 3 www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au 3 www.harpercollinsebooks.ca 2 www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk 2 www.harpercollins.co.nz 1 www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz 1 www.bookpost.co.uk 1 fly.to Top 50 URLs; "What is hyperlinked from this corpus?" ---------------------------------------------------- 4 http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com 3 http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au 3 http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca 2 http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk 2 http://www.harpercollins.co.nz 1 http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz 1 http://www.bookpost.co.uk 1 http://fly.to/discworld Top 50 email addresses; "Who are you gonna call?" ------------------------------------------------- 1 gofad@bigfoot.com 1 wdw@times.am Top 50 positive assertions; "What sentences are in the shape of noun-verb-noun?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 44 one had ever 41 people do n’t 36 people did n’t 34 people do n''t 30 vimes did n''t 27 tiffany did n’t 27 vimes looked down 24 people did n''t 24 rincewind looked around 21 rincewind looked down 20 vimes stood up 19 vimes went on 18 rincewind looked up 18 something was wrong 18 vimes looked up 17 tiffany looked around 16 tiffany had never 16 world is full 15 tiffany looked up 15 vimes looked around 14 rincewind did n''t 14 vimes had never 13 granny went on 13 one has ever 13 vimes was n''t 13 vimes was n’t 12 nanny went on 12 one was quite 12 tiffany had n’t 12 tiffany looked down 12 words came out 11 rincewind had never 11 something going on 11 vimes was aware 10 granny did n’t 10 rincewind had always 10 rincewind was n’t 10 thing is not 10 things were n''t 10 tiffany did n''t 10 vimes did n’t 9 door was open 9 granny stood up 9 moist looked around 9 one ’s ever 9 people are n’t 9 things are n''t 9 vimes had n''t 9 vimes had n’t 9 vimes was already Top 50 negative assertions; "What sentences are in the shape of noun-verb-no|not-noun?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 people had no money 2 people have no respect 2 someone making no noise 2 vimes had no idea 2 world was no more 1 anything ''s no bloody 1 door was no more 1 eyes are not particularly 1 eyes had no life 1 eyes had no pupils 1 eyes were not baleful 1 face was not visible 1 granny had no romance 1 granny had not yet 1 granny was no stranger 1 granny was not entirely 1 hand had not yet 1 lot got no homes 1 man has no style 1 man is not dead 1 man is not free 1 man is not honest 1 man took no notice 1 man ’s not dead 1 men be not therefore 1 men were no contest 1 moist was no ornithologist 1 moist was no stranger 1 nanny ''s not too 1 one ''s not very- 1 one does not actually 1 one was not only 1 one was not p 1 one ’s not very 1 ones are no good 1 people are not entirely 1 people are not really 1 people are not sure 1 people had no grasp 1 people had no idea 1 people had no problem 1 people had no word 1 people have no business 1 people have no clear 1 people have no difficulties 1 people have no idea 1 people looked no further 1 people wanting no trains 1 people were not only 1 place is not too Sizes of items; "Measures in words, how big is each item?" ---------------------------------------------------------- 143419 Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett 130144 Raising Steam_ (Discworld Novel - Terry Pratchett 120666 Going Postal - Terry Pratchett 118682 Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett 117510 Night Watch - Terry Pratchett 116328 Making Money - Terry Pratchett 112508 I Shall Wear Midnight (ta4) - Terry Pratchett 112507 d! - Terry Pratchett 112320 The Folklore of Discworld - Terry Pratchett 108818 The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett 108632 The Truth - Terry Pratchett 107733 go - Terry Pratchett 106903 ation - Terry Pratchett 104542 Thief of Time - Terry Pratchett 101325 Carpe Jugulum - Terry Pratchett 100705 Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett 98012 Soul Music - Terry Pratchett 97964 Moving Pictures - Terry Pratchett 97913 Hogfather - Terry Pratchett 97250 Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett 97171 Feet of Clay - Terry Pratchett 97100 The Last Continent - Terry Pratchett 95525 Interesting Times - Terry Pratchett 93075 Small Gods - Terry Pratchett 91842 Wintersmith (ta3) - Terry Pratchett 91777 Lords and Ladies - Terry Pratchett 89716 Pyramids - Terry Pratchett (1) 89716 Pyramids - Terry Pratchett 87638 Maskerade - Terry Pratchett 87379 Wyrd Sisters - Terry Pratchett 82747 Witches Abroad - Terry Pratchett 81820 A Hat Full of Sky (ta2) - Terry Pratchett 80729 Sourcery - Terry Pratchett 80350 The Wit & Wisdom of Discworld - Terry Pratchett 79399 Reaper Man - Terry Pratchett 75591 The Wee Free Men (ta1) - Terry Pratchett 67556 Equal Rites - Terry Pratchett 66878 The Color of Magic - Terry Pratchett 66277 The Amazing Maurice and His Edu - Terry Pratchett 65551 The Light Fantastic - Terry Pratchett 50026 Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett 40695 Johnny and the Dead - Terry Pratchett 40670 The Last Hero_ A Discworld Fabl - Terry Pratchett Snuff_ (Discworld Novel 39) - Terry Pratchett - Terry Pratchett Readability of items; "How difficult is each item to read?" ----------------------------------------------------------- 99.0 A Hat Full of Sky (ta2) - Terry Pratchett 99.0 Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett 98.0 Carpe Jugulum - Terry Pratchett 98.0 Wintersmith (ta3) - Terry Pratchett 97.0 ation - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Feet of Clay - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Johnny and the Dead - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Lords and Ladies - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Soul Music - Terry Pratchett 97.0 Witches Abroad - Terry Pratchett 96.0 d! - Terry Pratchett 96.0 Hogfather - Terry Pratchett 96.0 Maskerade - Terry Pratchett 96.0 Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett 96.0 Night Watch - Terry Pratchett 96.0 Small Gods - Terry Pratchett 96.0 The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett 95.0 Going Postal - Terry Pratchett 95.0 go - Terry Pratchett 95.0 Moving Pictures - Terry Pratchett 95.0 Reaper Man - Terry Pratchett 95.0 The Last Continent - Terry Pratchett 95.0 The Last Hero_ A Discworld Fabl - Terry Pratchett 95.0 The Truth - Terry Pratchett 95.0 Thief of Time - Terry Pratchett 95.0 Wyrd Sisters - Terry Pratchett 94.0 Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett 94.0 Interesting Times - Terry Pratchett 94.0 Making Money - Terry Pratchett 93.0 I Shall Wear Midnight (ta4) - Terry Pratchett 93.0 Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett 92.0 Equal Rites - Terry Pratchett 92.0 Pyramids - Terry Pratchett (1) 92.0 Pyramids - Terry Pratchett 92.0 Sourcery - Terry Pratchett 92.0 The Light Fantastic - Terry Pratchett 92.0 The Wit & Wisdom of Discworld - Terry Pratchett 90.0 The Color of Magic - Terry Pratchett 85.0 Raising Steam_ (Discworld Novel - Terry Pratchett 82.0 The Folklore of Discworld - Terry Pratchett 100.0 The Amazing Maurice and His Edu - Terry Pratchett 100.0 The Wee Free Men (ta1) - Terry Pratchett Snuff_ (Discworld Novel 39) - Terry Pratchett - Terry Pratchett Item summaries; "In a narrative form, how can each item be abstracted?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- - Terry Pratchett A Hat Full of Sky (ta2) - Terry Pratchett Miss Tick another witch, but one who was easier to talk to than the witch who''d given Tiffany the hat had said that a witch had to know how to ''stand apart'', and that Pratchett, Terry Discworld 31 A Hat Full Of Sky.txt The wood was about half an hour''s walk away, with Miss Tick and Tiffany taking turns to carry the suitcase. ''Yes, Miss Tick,'' said Tiffany, trotting forward like a good girl. Tiffany, a girl who listened to what people said, watched Miss Level closely. ''I shall drop in when I come up for the Witch Trials,'' said Miss Tick as Tiffany felt ''Er, do you mean that you both-'' Tiffany began, but the Miss Level on the right said quickly, There is no both. ''Just to see if you''re all right, I think,'' said Miss Level, watching Tiffany carefully. Carpe Jugulum - Terry Pratchett ''Well, the potato wasn''t big enough for the official seal and I don''t know what a seal look like in any case but I reckon dat''s a good carvin'' of a duck I done there,'' said the troll cheerfully. Nanny had warned her about it but, even so, it was unnerving to turn up at Granny''s cottage and find her stretched out on the floor as stiff as a stick and holding, in fingers that were almost blue, a card with the words: I ATE''NT DEAD.[5] It just meant that she was out in the world somewhere, seeing life through the eyes of a badger or a pigeon, riding as an unheeded passenger in its mind. ''Sadly, not everyone knows witches like we do,'' said Verence, with what Nanny in her overheated state thought was unnecessary diplomacy. ''The trouble is that people always think of vampires in terms of their diet,'' said the Count, as Nanny hurried away. They sat in grey silence for a while, and then Nanny Ogg said: ''My own granny has an old country sayin'' she always trotted out at times like this. Equal Rites - Terry Pratchett Granny was old and tired and not entirely clear about things after a long day, but to survive as a witch requires an ability to jump to very large conclusions and as she stared at the staff in the flames and heard the scream her hands were already reaching for the big black kettle. By the time the warm Rim winds were blowing, and the snow remained only as little streaks of slush on the Hub side of trees, Esk knew how to prepare a range of ointments, several medicinal brandies, a score of special infusions, and a number of mysterious potions that Granny said she might learn the use of in good time. Feet of Clay - Terry Pratchett Good old Sybilalthough she did tend to talk about curtains these days, but Sergeant Colon had said this happened to wives and was a biological thing and perfectly normal. ''Got the reports from the other Watch Houses, sir,'' he said, trotting along beside Vimes. ''I think you''d better come and look,'' said Angua, backing away. And they said hooray, and then he showed them what freedom costs and they called him a tyrant and, as soon as he''d been betrayed, they milled around a bit like barn-bred chickens who''ve seen the big world outside for the first time, and then they went back into the warm and shut the door— ''I think Dorfl wrote these words and put them in old Tubelcek''s mouth after the poor man died,'' said Carrot slowly, still looking from one piece of paper to the other. ''Looks like he''s doing all right by himself, sir,'' said Colon. Going Postal - Terry Pratchett ''On that general subject, sir,'' said Mr Wilkinson, ''me and the lads were wondering if you might like to unburden yourself, at this point in time, on the subject of the whereabouts of the place where the location of the spot is where, not to beat about the bush, you hid all that money you stole . Groat looked past Moist into the gloom and said: ''It''s all right, Stanley, there''s no need for that, we don''t want a Little Moment.'' To Moist he whispered: ''Best you put me down gently, sir . They had a special kind of directed madness; they said the rattle of the clacks got into your head and your thoughts beat time with it so that sooner or later you could tell what messages were going through by listening to the rattle of the shutters. ''Well, you know what it''s like with Post Office people, sir,'' said Groat. Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett Then Brother Doorkeeper said, "And then, if we get this dragon, the rightful king''ll turn up, just like that?" "Investigate what, sir?" said Colon, but it had already dawned on the captain that if the sergeant took some men it would leave him, Captain Vimes, all alone. "But before the rest of you good citizens disperse quietly and go about your business," said Vimes meaningfully, "I suggest you look hard at these dragons. One thing is, people haven''t got time for much else, and Sgt Colon says, when you go out on your Rounds and shout Twelve of the Clock and All''s Well while a dragon is melting the street you feel a bit of a Burke. "I always think we can all sleep safer in my bed knowing that these brave men are watching over us," said Lady Ramkin, walking sedately along the rank, like a treasure galleon running ahead of a mild breeze. Hogfather - Terry Pratchett ''Mister Teatime does not see the world in quite the same way as other people,'' said Downey, picking up the picture from his desk and looking at it thoughtfully. ''My great-grandpa went to see the head wizard about it, and he said'' he put on a strangled nasal voice which was his idea of how you talked when you''d got an education '' " Oh, there might be some temp''ry inconvenience now, my good man, but just you come back in fifty thousand years." Bloody wizards.'' HE ACTUALLY SAYS IN HIS LETTER, ''I BET YOU DON''T EXIST ''COS EVERYONE KNOWS ITS YORE PARENTS.'' OH YES, said Death, with what almost sounded like sarcasm, I''M SURE HIS PARENTS ARE JUST IMPATIENT TO BANG THEIR ELBOWS IN TWELVE FEET OF NARROW UNSWEPT CHIMNEY, I DON''T THINK. ''Looked like a lot of other things to me,'' said Ridcully. I Shall Wear Midnight (ta4) - Terry Pratchett They would be respectful, oh yes, and often a little bit nervous, as if they expected you to look inside their heads, which as a matter of fact you could probably do, using the good old witch''s standbys of First Sight and Second Thoughts.6 But these weren''t really magic. ''I do not think that you and I, Miss Tiffany Aching, have had more than the simplest and most practical of conversations in all the time you have been seeing to me, yes?'' he said when she had him settled with his walking-stick in his hands so that he could lean on it. ''Sorry, Tiff … I mean, miss, but this lady here says she thinks you done a murder and a robbery,'' he said, and his face added that its owner right now was not thinking the same thing and didn''t want to get into trouble with anyone, especially Tiffany. Interesting Times - Terry Pratchett ''So what you''re tellin'' me,'' said Ridcully, eventually, ''is that this Rincewind fella has been chased by just about every army in the world, has been bounced around life like a pea on a drum, and probably is the one wizard who knows anything about the Agatean Empire on account of once being friends with,'' he glanced at his notes,'' "a strange little man in glasses" who came from there and gave him this funny thing with the legs you all keep alluding to. It had come as a revelation to Lord Hong when he looked at the problem the Ankh-Morpork way and realized that it might just possibly be better to give the job of Auspicious Dog-maker to some peasant with a fair idea about metal and explosive earths than to some clerk who''d got the highest marks in an examination to find the best poem about iron. ''Er. Anyone know what the Great Wizard looks like?'' said Rincewind. Johnny and the Bomb - Terry Pratchett He doesn''t look a bit like Adolf Hitler." "Anyway, you''re not that good a shot," said Wobbler. questions." "What, like "are you a loony?" "It''s be sound to go a long way back in time," said Wobbler. "I saw this film, Curse of the Revenge of the Werewolf," said Bigmac, "and someone heard a snarl like that and went into a dark alley, and next thing, he was lying there with all his special effects got her trolley?" "Oh, yes." "I liked the look on his face when you said you''d bring Guilty in. electricity?" "Yoless says you can''t have time machines because everyone''d keep changing the future," said Johnny. "This," said Kirsty, "is no ordinary shopping trolley." "It''s got Tesco written on it," Johnny pointed out, hopping up and down as he replaced his You''ve got me thinking like that now!" The rest of the universe said that time wasn''t an object, it was just Nature''s way of Johnny and the Dead - Terry Pratchett Wobbler said it was spooky and sometimes went home the long way, but Johnny was disappointed that it wasn''t spookier. '' I saw a thing in a book once,'' said Johnny,'' about these people in Mexico or somewhere, where they all go down to the cemetery for a big fiesta at Halloween every year. ''Call any time you like,'' said the Alderman, as Johnny walked away as quickly yet politely as possible. ''Um.'' It occurred to Johnny that people doing quite a lot of the revolutions-recently had said they were overthrowing communist oppressors, but William Stickers looked so eager he didn''t quite know how to say this. And then there was Johnny, and Wobbler, and Bigmac, who said he was the last of the well hard skinheads but was actually a skinny kid with short hair and flat feet Page 7 ''Well, there''s a huge cemetery for dead people, and all the living people are crammed up in that thing,'' said Johnny. Lords and Ladies - Terry Pratchett "All you need to know right now," said Granny Weatherwax, "is that we''ve got to put a stop to Them." "Queen Magrat, eh?" said Nanny Ogg, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit. "But who''d be daft enough to come up here and dance around the stones?" said Nanny Ogg, and then, as a treacherous thought drifted across her mind, she added, "Magrat''s been away with us the whole time." "I''ll find out sooner or later, you know," said Nanny Ogg. Jason didn''t turn his head, but his hammer stopped in mid-air. "You knows you always feels better for telling your old mum," said Nanny Ogg. The iron cooled from red to spitting black. You don''t want to muck about with a hand like that," said Nanny Ogg helpfully, looking over her shoulder. Making Money - Terry Pratchett hand suit at some shonky shop and repair to Mrs Eucrasia Arcanum''s Lodging House for Respectable Working Men, where with a tip of a hat and some wire-rimmed spectacles he''d be Mr Trespass Hatchcock, a wool salesman, who stayed there every time his business brought him to the city and who always brought her a little gift suitable for a widow of the age she''d like people to think she was. Maskerade - Terry Pratchett ''You recall young Agnes Nitt?'' said Nanny as Granny Weatherwax tried to find the milk. They said: "Oh, and by the way, people say there''s some man in evening dress who haunts the place, haha, ridiculous, isn''t it, these theatrical people, like children really, haha, but you may find it keeps them happy if you always keep Box Eight free on first nights, haha." I remember that quite well. ''Wouldn''t like to come between him and his pudding,'' said Nanny Ogg. Granny was staring out of the window. ''Well, well,'' said Granny, smiling in a way that everyone except Nanny Ogg would think of as innocent. ''Good morning, mister,'' said Nanny Ogg. He looked, in some puzzlement, from her to Granny Weatherwax. ''And how do you know what Mrs Ogg looks like?'' said Granny. ''I expect your Walter sees most of what goes on in the Opera House,'' said Granny, taking one of Mrs Plinge''s wrists in her hand. Men at Arms - Terry Pratchett To the background of Nobby''s frantic coughing, Colon said, very quickly, "What I mean is, lance-constable, young Carrot''s got krisma. I just finds a cushy spot to spend my nights along at the High Energy Magic building at the University, no-one told me about all this bloody magic leaking out the whole time, next thing I know I open me eyes, head starts fizzing like a dose of salts, oh-oh, thinks I, here we go again, hello abstract conceptualizing, intellectual development here we come. "You know," said Detritus, after a while, "that look like that dwarf who make weapons in Rime Street." Carrot gave Gaspode the slightly puzzled look that people always gave him when he said ''woof instead of barking, nodded at Angua, and carried on towards Scoone Avenue and Lady Ramkin''s house. Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett ''Upon my oath, Corporal Strappi, it seems that what we''ve got ourselves here is nothin'' less than a good, old-fashioned patriot,'' he said, his eyes searching Polly''s face. ''Right, sergeant,'' said Corporal Strappi, holding up a picture frame on a handle, like a looking-glass.'' ''Pucker up, Private Parts.'' Polly, who was exactly the kind of person who looks around surreptitiously at times like these, saw that Shufti was singing it word-perfectly and Strappi actually did have tears in his eyes. ''Good thinking, sir,'' said the sergeant, watching Polly apply the lather across mouth and nose. They''re quick.'' He walked behind Blouse, took the razor from Polly''s grateful hand without a word, and said: ''There''s a few matters we ought to discuss, sir, private like. ''I quite understand, Perks, you must stand your turn like the other "lads",'' said Blouse, and Polly heard the inverted commas clank into place. Moving Pictures - Terry Pratchett He jus'' said to me one day, "Deccan, it looks as though I''m dyin'', so it''s up to you now, ''cos if there''s no-one left that remembers properly it''ll all start happening again and you know what that means." Well, fair enough. What Victor would like to have said was: but you''re trolls, fierce animated rocks that live in the mountains and bash travellers with huge clubs very similar to the ones you''re holding now, and I thought when they said trolls they meant ordinary men dressed up in, oh, I don''t know, sacking painted grey or something. Victor found himself wedged between Ginger and a mountain troll in what looked like chain mail, but it turned out to be just Holy Wood chain mail, which was inexpertly knitted string painted silver. "I expect you''re wondering," said Gaspode, turning his penetrating stare on Victor once again, "how come I''m talking." Night Watch - Terry Pratchett ''Yes, Igor?'' said Vimes, wondering not for the first time why anyone with stitches all round his head needed to tell anyone who he was.* ''I''ve never heard of you, and I know this city like the back of my hand,'' said Vimes. ''Mister Vimes, you''re thinking: I''in back in time, and damn me, I''in probably going to end up being the sergeant that teaches me all I know, right?'' ''People who come in by the back door,'' said Vimes, looking around the little room. Would you like a slice?'' ''I think it was five dollars, corporal,'' said Vimes, and watched the man''s lizard eyes flash towards the young lanceconstable. ''Well, I had a little brush with Captain Swing last night,'' Vimes said, ''and he was as polite as hell to me about it, but I''d bet my boots he knows that this lad and his friend came after me. Pyramids - Terry Pratchett "It''s all right," he said hastily as Teppic laid down his fork meaningfully, "it''s perfectly safe provided every bit of stomach, liver and digestive tract is removed, that''s why it cost so much, there''s no such thing as a second-best blowfish chef, it''s the most expensive food in the world, people write poems about it-" "Listen," said the king, whose urgency was equalled only by the servants'' total inability to hear anything he was saying, "you must find my son and tell him to forget about the pyramid business, at least until I''ve thought about it a bit, there are one or two points which seem a little self-contradictory about the whole afterlife arrangements, and-" Seven thousand years ago Khuft had led his people out of Teppic couldn''t remember, but somewhere where they hadn''t liked being, probably, and for thoroughly good reasons; it was at times like this he wished he knew more history and had prayed in the desert and the gods of the place had shown him the Old Kingdom. Pyramids - Terry Pratchett (1) "It''s all right," he said hastily as Teppic laid down his fork meaningfully, "it''s perfectly safe provided every bit of stomach, liver and digestive tract is removed, that''s why it cost so much, there''s no such thing as a second-best blowfish chef, it''s the most expensive food in the world, people write poems about it-" "Listen," said the king, whose urgency was equalled only by the servants'' total inability to hear anything he was saying, "you must find my son and tell him to forget about the pyramid business, at least until I''ve thought about it a bit, there are one or two points which seem a little self-contradictory about the whole afterlife arrangements, and-" Seven thousand years ago Khuft had led his people out of Teppic couldn''t remember, but somewhere where they hadn''t liked being, probably, and for thoroughly good reasons; it was at times like this he wished he knew more history and had prayed in the desert and the gods of the place had shown him the Old Kingdom. Raising Steam_ (Discworld Novel - Terry Pratchett Lord Vetinari looked down his nose at Moist momentarily and said icily, ''Since you have finally decided to join us at this difficult time, Mister Lipwig, I will tell you that there was once a man called Ned Simnel who made a mechanical device, propelled in some arcane way, for taking in the harvest. Moist smiled and headed for the door, showing his panic only on the inside, and as his hand reached the doorknob Vetinari''s voice behind him said, ''Mister Lipwig, you surely realize that a thoughtful prince, a prince who wishes to keep his throne for some time and is shrewd in the ways of people, would not travel in a thrilling armoured train … He would put somebody else on that train, somebody expendable, having himself travelled the previous day in a suitable disguise. Reaper Man - Terry Pratchett There weren''t many things people wanted a 130-year-old wizard to do, and Windle had got into the habit of arriving at the dining-table up to two hours before each meal, simply to pass the time. "Anyway," the captain went on, oblivious to the faint metallic noises, "the Patrician calls through the keyhole, see, and says to me, "Douglas, I wonder if you wouldn''t mind nipping down to the University and asking the head man if he would be so good as to step up here, if he''s not too busy?" But I can always go back and tell him you''re engagin'' in a bit of student humour, if you like." hold on," said Ridcully, "If people are coming to the end of their life and leaving their bodies and everything, but Death isn''t taking them away -" Small Gods - Terry Pratchett "Now, Brutha," he said, "you know what happens to people who tell falsehoods, don''t you?" So Brutha grew up in the sure and certain knowledge of the Great God Om. Brutha grew up knowing that Om''s eyes were on him all the time, especially in places like the privy, and that demons assailed him on all sides and were only kept at bay by the strength of his belief and the weight of grandmother''s cane, which was kept behind the door on those rare occasions when it was not being used. "The Great God Om"-holy horns-"would know that He Himself said unto the Prophet Wallspur-" Brutha coughed and assumed the creased-eyebrow squint that meant serious thought was being undertaken. "Whatever you say," said Brutha, "I still know that you can''t truly be Om. The God would not talk like that about His chosen ones." Snuff_ (Discworld Novel 39) - Terry Pratchett Soul Music - Terry Pratchett "I happen to know," said Glod, abandoning that line of conversation, "that there''s a lot of places in the city that don''t like paying Guild rates. "Look," said Susan, "I''d just like you to know that I don''t believe any of this. "Look, Albert," said Susan, in the voice one uses to the simpleminded, "even if there was a "Death" like that, and frankly it''s quite ridiculous to go anthropomorphizing a simple natural function, no-one can inherit anything from it. think it sounds right," said Imp. Glod shrugged, and pulled a handful of coins out of his pocket. The old music shop was right up against the University, after all, and magic did leak out despite what the wizards always said about the talking rats and walking trees just being statistical flukes. "Sounds like there''s a lot of people in," said Glod. Sourcery - Terry Pratchett A thing with a goblin''s face, harpy''s body and hen''s legs turned its head in a series of little jerks and spoke in a voice like the peristalsis of mountains (although the deep resonant effect was rather spoiled because, of course, it couldn''t close its mouth). And so, forcing the Luggage to go all the way around to the gates anyway, because otherwise it''d only batter a hole in the wall, Rincewind quit the University with all the other insects and small frightened rodents and decided that if a few quiet beers wouldn''t allow him to see things in a different light, then a few more probably would. An hour later, as thunder began to roll in the clear skies above the city, and Rincewind was beginning to sing gently and forget all about cockroaches, and a lone mattress was wandering the streets, Spelter shut the door of the Archchancellor''s study and turned to face his fellow mages. The Amazing Maurice and His Edu - Terry Pratchett Now some of you,'' and here he cast a yellow eye towards Dangerous Beans, ''have some idea of going to some island somewhere and starting up a kind of rat civilization of your very own, which I think is very, you know, admirable, but for that you need… what did I tell you that you need?'' ''What Dangerous Beans means,'' said the female rat, ''is that all this stealing grains and cheese and gnawing holes in walls is, well…'' She looked up into Maurice''s yellow eyes. ''Nah, nah,'' said Maurice, who generally told people what they wanted to hear, ''I mean our rats can out-think most humans, OK? Maurice thought about the names he knew-Hamnpork, Dangerous Beans, Darktan, Sardines… ''Sounds like an ordinary kind of name to me,'' he said. ''Ah, it''ll end with you going to prison,'' said Malicia, but Maurice saw her staring at the stupid-looking Keith and at Sardines. The Color of Magic - Terry Pratchett That''s fine." Twoflower took out the golden disc that Rincewind had noticed before, squinted at its unseen face for a moment, muttered "Thirty seconds should about do it," and said brightly, "Smile please!" "Yarg," said Rincewind and then, because somehow that was hardly enough to keep up his side of the conversation, added, "I don''t think it looks very like me, though." The coins quietened the men''s agitation in the way that gold can, and Rincewind was amazed to find, half a minute later, that he was holding a little glass portrait of Twoflower wielding a huge notched sword and smiling as though all his dreams had come true. "Rincewind thinks he ought to be able to harness the lightning," said the picture-imp, who was observing the passing scene from the tiny doorway of the box slung around Twoflower''s neck. The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett ''Looks like it started in Gimlet''s Delicatessen,'' said Vimes, as the rest of the Watch moved in. ''Certainly sounds like an old lady to me, sir,'' said Vimes, his face wooden. ''And in Beyonk, sir, "Morpork" sounds exactly like their word for an item of ladies'' underwear,'' said Carrot. ''The name Vimes goes back a long time,'' said Wolfgang von Uberwald, who was doing one-handed press-ups in front of the fire. ''Yes.'' Angua rolled her eyes and said, in a voice of sing-song sarcasm, ''I was out in the woods one day and I fell into some old pit trap under the snow and some wolves found me and would have killed me but Gavin turned up and faced them down. ''Does Sybil come with me for this bit?'' said Vimes, and thought: we were guards like that, not so long ago . .. I mean, you look just like an ordinary dwarf,'' said Vimes weakly. The Folklore of Discworld - Terry Pratchett Of course it''s perfectly natural that Mrs Gogol''s house moves about on four large duck feet, because Baba Yaga''s hut spins around on chicken legs in the forests of Russia; of course the Nac Mac Feegle are pictsies, not pixies, because of stories the Scots told about Picts; of course there''s an ancient king sleeping in a cavern deep under a mountain in Lancre, because that''s what King Arthur does in England and Scotland, and the Emperor Barbarossa in Germany. A healthy young couple out in the country and in a world without modern medical understanding or any idea of the meaning of the term ''limited gene pool'', give birth to a child who looks like a little old man, or is beautiful but very backward, or eats incessantly but nevertheless fails to thrive … and the only reason the family can find lies in folklore: ''the fairies stole our beautiful child and left one of their own.'' A horrible thought, yet not quite so horrible for the parents as one religious alternative: ''It''s our own fault the baby is like this, it''s a judgement on us for our sins.'' The Last Continent - Terry Pratchett She hadn''t said that bird were bad little boys who''d gone too close to the cliff edge, and in any case jellyfish would be more likely, but Ponder couldn''t help thinking that, harmlessly insane though the woman had been, she might have had just the glimmerings of a point . ''I''m sitting in a cave in a country where everything bites you and it never rains and I''m talking, no offence, to a herbivore that smells of a carpet in a house where there are a lot of excitable puppies, and I''ve suddenly got this talent for finding jam sandwiches and inexplicable fairy cakes in unexpected places, and I''ve been shown something very odd in a picture on some old cave wall, and suddenly said kangaroo tells me time and space are all wrong and wants me to be sensible? People ought to have looked at one another in growing and horrified realization and said things like, ''By George, you know, he''s right!'' But these were wizards, capable of thinking very big thoughts in very small chunks. The Last Hero_ A Discworld Fabl - Terry Pratchett The end of the story began high above the world, but got lower and lower as it circled down towards the ancient and modern city of Ankh-Morpork, where, it was said, anything could be bought and sold — and if they didn''t have what you wanted they could steal it for you. "If I may recap, then, ladies and gentlemen," he said, as the hubbub died away, "according to the authorities in Hunghung, the capital of the Agatean Empire, the Emperor Ghengiz Cohen, formerly known to the world as Cohen the Barbarian, is well en route to the home of the gods with a device of considerable destructive power and the intention, apparently, of, in his words, "returning what was stolen". "So how come you left the Evil Dark Lord business, Harry?" said Cohen. "Are you sure Cohen''s all right in the head?" said Evil Harry, as he helped Boy Willie manoeuvre Hamish''s wheelchair over the ice. The Light Fantastic - Terry Pratchett Thus, if a legend said of a notable hero that ''all men spoke of his prowess'' any bard who valued his life would add hastily ''except for a couple of people in his home village who thought he was a liar, and quite a lot of other people who had never really heard of him.'' Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like ''his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind n a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,'' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched a thousand ships would have to be backed by evidence that the object of desire did indeed look like a bottle of champagne. The Truth - Terry Pratchett So much for physiognomy, thought Mr Pin. This man could pass for the Patrician even in a good light, but while by all accounts Lord Vetinari would have already worked out all the nasty ways the future could go, Charlie was actually entertaining the idea that he was going to come out of this alive and might even outsmart Mr Pin. He was actually trying to be cunning. ''You know,'' said William, in a sort of distant voice, ''I think it is quite likely that it would be impossible to improve this piece in any way. William was used to a certain amount, usually from clients of his news letter complaining that he hadn''t told them about the double-headed giants, plagues and rains of domestic animals that they had heard had been happening in Ankh-Morpork; his father had been right about one thing, at least, when he''d asserted that lies could run round the world before the truth could get its boots on. The Wee Free Men (ta1) - Terry Pratchett Tiffany''s mother used to tell him not to speak like that, although the Baron was always very respectful to Mr Aching since Granny had died two years ago, calling him the finest shepherd in these hills, and was generally held by the people in the village to be not too bad these days. And Tiffany''s father had said that, after each shepherd had worked his dogs, the judges would look nervously across at Granny Aching to see what she thought. Things were a lot easier after that, The bailiff was a little less unpleasant when rents were late, the Baron was a little more polite to people, and Tiffany''s father said one night after two beers that the Baron had been shown what happens when sheep rise up, and things might be different one day, and her mother hissed at him not to talk like that because you never knew who was listening. The Wit & Wisdom of Discworld - Terry Pratchett At least I don''t look like I''ve been eating doughnuts in a wardrobe for years,'' he said, as they stepped out on to Death''s black lawn. Just by looking at him you could tell he was the sort of man you''d expect to keep awhite cat, and caress it idly while sentencing people to death in a piranha tank; and you''d hazard for good measure that he probably collected rare thin porcelain, turning it over and over in his blue-white fingers while distant screams echoed from the depths of the dungeons. Mrs Marietta Cosmopilite of 3 Quirm Street, Ankh-Morpork, believed the world was round, that a sprig of garlic in her underwear drawer kept away vampires, that it did you good to get out and have a laugh occasionally, that there was niceness in everyone if you only knew where to look, and that three horrible little dwarfs peered in at her undressing every night.† Thief of Time - Terry Pratchett Aware that a lot could happen while people waited for Penelope to complete a thought process, Miss Susan waved at a clock on a shop across the square and said: ''And who can tell me the time here in Genua, please?'' A wicked man readers could see he was wicked because it said he was wicked, right there on the page built a clock of glass in which he captured Time herself, but things went wrong because there was one part of the clock, a spring, that he couldn''t make out of glass, and it broke under the strain. ''You will take up the brooms and sweep,'' said the abbot, ''and you will sweep every day, and you will sweep until the day you find Lu-Tze and dare to say "Sweeper, it was I who knocked over and scattered your shrine and now I will in humility accompany you to the dojo of the Tenth Djim, in order to learn the Right Way." Only then, if you are still able, may you resume your studies here. Unseen Academicals - Terry Pratchett ''Mister Trev has been telling me wonderful things about the Dimmers, sir,'' said Nutt. I have bee n doing my best, Mister Trev, but it has really been slowing me down,'' said Nutt over his shoulder, ''and also Miss Glenda. Of course, there were the Little Sisters, who were certainly young and apparently female but it had to be said looked rather lik e intelligent chickens, and certainly weren''t seen at their best when you watched them feeding–but once again, ''girls'' did not seem the right word. ''Things are never all they seem, Mister Trev,'' said Nutt, without looking up from his fe verish activity, ''and the acoustics in these cellars are very good. ''I don''t know, sir,'' said Glenda, ''but every man watching the football has got one. Wintersmith (ta3) - Terry Pratchett And then, when all the words had been said, the loom would stop with a shock of sudden silence, and Miss Treason would turn around in her big heavy chair, which had wheels on it, and remove the black blindfold from her pearly gray eyes and say: When Tiffany looked into the pale-gray sky, she saw the flakes drifting down in soft, feathery clusters; it was the kind of snow that people back home on the Chalk called "Granny Aching shearing her sheep." After a while Miss Treason looked past Tiffany and said: "Ye wee Feegle schemies! "I should like a cup of black tea," said the old woman as Tiffany walked in, looking thoughtful. One day Miss Treason had said, "This young man who writes to you…is he your beau?" and Tiffany had changed the subject until she had time to look up the word in the dictionary and then more time to stop blushing. Witches Abroad - Terry Pratchett But the trouble was that ignorance became more interesting, especially big fascinating ignorance about huge and important things like matter and creation, and people stopped patiently building their little houses of rational sticks in the chaos of the universe and started getting interested in the chaos itself partly because it was a lot easier to be an expert on chaos, but mostly because it made really good patterns that you could put on a t-shirt. A squint looks good on a witch," said Granny Weatherwax. "I don''t like the way everyone''s looking at us," said Magrat, as Nanny babbled on to the perplexed man in her very own esperanto. Of course, anyone who spent much time in the company of Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg got used to being stared at; they were the kind of people that filled every space from edge to edge. Wyrd Sisters - Terry Pratchett Of course, it was all very gratifying, but it was a bit nerve-racking to start one''s working life as village witch between Granny and, on the other side of the forest, Nanny Ogg. It''d been her idea to form a local coven. "The point is," said Granny, "that people are going to come looking. "I think," she said helplessly, "that it might be a good idea if you have a quiet word with Nanny Ogg one of these days. "And now," said the duke, his voice dripping across the Fool like treacle over a pudding, "tell me about witches . "A man could go far, knowing his rights like you do," said Granny. "Next time you have a look at him like a witch, not like a woman," said Nanny, and gave Magrat a conspiratorial nudge. ation - Terry Pratchett He could hear her voice, though, singing the song about the god of Fire, and how the Papervine Woman got fed up with him chasing her daughters and bound his hands to his sides with great coils of vine; and Man''s younger sister used to laugh at that and chase him with coils of—But a wave passed over his mind, and he was glad it washed the bright memory away. The girl looked at him nervously and said: "My name is, um…Daphne." She gave a little cough and added, "Yes, Daphne." She pointed to herself and held out her hand. "Yes," said Mau. They fell into another of those awkward silences, which the ghost girl ended with: "My father will come, you know. Pilu had said Mau heard dead grandfathers in his head, and she''d thought, well, something like that would be bound to happen after all the boy had been through. d! - Terry Pratchett ''Carrot, wouldn''t we know if something like that had happened?'' said Vimes, but in the theatre of his mind Angua and Fred Colon uttered their cassandraic warnings again. Ì thought you''d got rid of that thing, sir,'' said Angua as Vimes snapped the lid shut. When the mugs were brought in, with just a little spilled on Helmclever''s desk because his hand was shaking, Vimes said: Ì must see Grag Hamcrusher, sir.'' Ìt doesn''t look that good to dwarfs, if it comes to that,'' said Vimes. When she bustled out in the direction of the kitchens Vimes turned to the watchmen and debated for a moment whether to give that sheepish little grin and eye-roll that between men means ''Women, eh?'' and decided not to on the basis that the watchmen consisted of Lance-Constable Humpeding, who''d think he was a fool, and Captain Carrot, who wouldn''t know what it meant. You look like just another dwarf,'' said Vimes. go - Terry Pratchett ''Looks like we''re going to be in a fight, sarge,'' said Nobby, as the painter very carefully started on the final ''k''. ''You mean, like they viciously attack you while cowardly running away after tasting cold steel?'' said Nobby, who sometimes had a treacherously good memory for detail. And everyone had looked around at the weedcovered buildings and had shared the Thought, which remained unspoken but was made up of a lot of little thoughts like the occasional ripples in the pools, and the little splashes in the dark water of cellars that made the mind think of claws, winnowing the deeps, and the odd things that sometimes got washed up on beaches or tamed up in nets. Vimes looked back into the dark eyes for a moment, glanced at 71–hour Ahmed''s 24–carat grin, and said: ''So you have to know how to say things like "Give us all your money"?'' said Vimes.