Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph. Poor Robin. 1675 Approx. 9 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 5 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2006-02 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A66704 Wing W3072 ESTC R26428 09459283 ocm 09459283 43177 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A66704) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 43177) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1321:3) Poor Robins character of an honest drunken curr with a relation of the frollicks of his life and conversation and his epitaph. Poor Robin. Winstanley, William, 1628?-1698. 8 p. Printed by E.C. for C. Huffey, London : 1675. "With permission" William Winstanley is usually credited with authorship of the Poor Robin pamphlets--NUC pre-l956 imprints. Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Alcoholism -- Anecdotes 2005-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2005-09 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-10 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2005-10 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2006-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Poor Robins CHARACTER , Of an Honest Drunken Curr : With a Relation of the Frollicks of his Life , and Conversation AND HIS EPITAPH . With Permission . London , Printed by E. C. for C. Hussey , at the Bible in Iewen street . 1675. Poor Robins CHARACTER , Of an Honest Drunken Curr . HE 's a Pickel'd Youth to be sure , for he always lyes steep'd in his own Liquor ; of which like a Whale , he carries so much about him , that when ever he Disgorges , he may Swim away in his own Flood . Clap but a good Sucker into his Belly , and he makes an excellent Parish Pump : and if you add but a Pipe to his Muzle , he may pass for a Water Engine , and do good service in time of Fire ; you need not fear Drawing him dry , so long as all the Ale-houses , and Taverns in Town , like little Rivulets , supply the decrease ; He contains about as much as those in Churches ; but is so uncooth a Trough , he 's twice as hard to be Gauged : yet by frequent experience , he can guess his Measure to a Pint , specially if you except Leakage : His Veins are so thronged , and his Blood so tainted with Scurvey , Gout , and Dropsie , ( and a smatch of the French-man to boot , which he got when he was Drunk , and does not know who to lay it too . ) That he defies the intrusion of any other Distemper : wherefore he Stalks in as much State through a Pestilence ; as a well Arm'd Souldier through a shower of Bullets , for his forementioned Diseases have taken such large Possession of his Body , that there 's no room left for Infection . He has drunk himself into a Jelly , and is so moist , that if you squeese him , he drops like an Orange . His Body a perfect Still , which he Fuells with Brandy , instead of Char-coal ; being throughly heated , you may discern the sweaty Distilation tricle from his face , as from the Lid of a Limbick , and if any chance to drop on his Nose , you may hear it hiz as if it fell upon heated Bricks . In fine though he always lives Joakingly and Merry , he hates nothing more then a dry Jest . Thus having acquainted you with his Constitution , I shall only consider him in his Conversation , and Friendship , and so leave him to sleep out his nap . And first for his Conversation , to take him in the Morning ( for who can find him all the Day after ) he prevents his Pray'rs with a Pipe of Tobacco , and Smoaks at such a Rate as if he pr●fer'd Sacrifice to Devotion . A Tinder-box is as necessary to him , as a green Bagg to an Atturney's Clark , with which he seems as ravish'd as Alexander with the Odisses , for he cannot sleep unless it lye under his Pillow . In that little night he makes , he cannot so properly said to sleep , as to chew the Cudd 〈…〉 often disturbs the repose of a Family , with Muttering a Repetition of his Oaths , and Healths when he awakes , he stares about with such wild Curiosity , as one would fancy Adam did immediately after his Creation ; for he generally makes himself so Drunk over Night , drowning his past actions in Liquor and Oblivion , that he scarcely knows the Morning from the Resurrection , and is hardly perswaded that ever he lived before . But after he is convine'd of the affirmative spends about a quarter of an Hour in examining the Bed-posts and Windows , before he discovers whether he be in his own Lodging : And afterward remains as doubtful how he got thither . Then Bed-staves , and Slip-shoo's go to Wrack , for clattering on the Bed-stead , like Boys at the Bear-Garden ; he calls up the People as Country Wenches do Swine , by knocking ; and after a Petition for a Cup of Settle-Brain , begs them to resolve his Quaerie : Whereupon they tell him the truth , which indeed is that either he came the old Porterly way , Crutch'd with a brace of Watch-men ; or else the Modern and more Genteel way , viz. On Pick-pack , instead of a Sadan . Now although my Honest Drunken Curr be guilty of many Vices , which like Younger Brothers hang on this great one which has got possession : Yet ( Give the Devil his aue ) I think the World has Sully'd his Reputation with divers Scandals of which he is no wise Guilty : Wherefore because I only intend his Convertion not his Consumption ; Like an honest Historian ( since I Write his Life ) I ought not to see him wrong'd , but rather to rescue him from those C 〈…〉 on him 〈…〉 The first imputation therefore that they impose on him is that he is proud , And why forsooth ? but because when he has a D 〈…〉 op in his Eye , he brags and vapours as if he were a better man than his Neighbours . A stout reason indeed ? as if any man might not do as much that were either Light-headed , or in a Fevour ; Nay , a Passion alone makes the wisest of us Bethlehems . But let us do as we would be done by , and take him when he is himself , ( that is in a Morning , ) and then I am sure he is as free from Pride , as a Quaker from good Minners or Ribbons : For would Custome admit , I am confident he would never go to the Ale-house Naked , than undergo the hard Pennance of Sobriety the while he dresses himself . Secondly , They call him an Idle fellow ; a good fellow all the World knows he is , but as for Idleness , let me dye if I know any one more free from it than he ; What would they know of him trow ? he rises early , sits up late ; and I dare Swear he grudges himself his very Sleep , because it keeps him from his Businesse : When he is at it , no man more expeditious than he , for as if his minutes , like his Estate , ran away too fast , you shall frequently see him with an Ale-Glass in one hand , and a Looking-Glass in the other , which betokens both speed and frugality . The third and most fallacious Accusation is that they say , He 's Prodigal , and Pisses his Estate against the Wall. But I am confident he enriches nor Perfumes the Walls no more than others ; onely this I know he does , that whereas Usurers use to hide their Riches in Earth Pots , he puts his Estate in a Pewter one ( which one would think were the safer Cabinet ) so that it is not the Honest Drunken Cur , but the Impudent Rogues , Drawers , and Tapsters , that imbezle and make it away . Much more might be said of him both in his Vindication , and in Commendation also : For he is one of the quietest Subjects his Majesty has , and most submissive to Monarchyal Government : He would not be without a King , if it were for no other Reason than meerly Drinking his Health . He hates Coffee as Mahomatizm , and thinks it a Lesser sin to go to Bed Drunk , than to Drink it to make him Sober . He hates a Studious man as Caeser did a Lean one , and for the same Reason , for he is so confident he 's hatching of Treason , that he could find in his Heart to impeach him at adventure . As for his Friends he never troubles his Head to pick and cull them , but takes them as superannuated Maids do Husbands , or Fish-women do Mackerel , as they come next to hand : For fixing himself in the next Ale-house or Tavern he comes at ; at first he sits as sullenly as a degraded Courtier , or an Insurer upon Advice of a Loss ▪ And no less than a Quart of Purle-Royal , or Two Kicks in the Guts can remove his Morosity . After he has digested either of them , perchance he 'l vouchsafe to bless you with a Smile , especially if you will purchase it at the expence of a Bawdy Song ; to which you shall see him turn head , and listen as heedfully as a Lynnet to a Flaijolet , but infinitely more easie to be Taught . When you have done , t is twenty to one but he comes and hugs you ; swearing you are the most accomplisht Gentleman that ever he met in his Life ; and tho he never saw you before , from that time you may date his Friendship : He makes Friends faster than Children do Babies ; and like them too , he often forgets where he has left them . His Reason like a bad Shop-keeper is seldom at home , or rather like a Country Gentleman , has left the Manour of his own Body ; and is gone to dwell in strange Lodgings : So that 't is no wonder , he 's Hobgoblin'd by his fiery Nose to any Debauchery , or that Men call him Beast ; since by giving Rains to his I Sensuality , he makes so perfect a Swine of himself , that he Drinks till he can hardly Grunt . However , since the Church allows him Christian Burial , I 'le Hopkins and Sternhold him with An Epitaph . Here Lyes Drunken Tom , VVhom Heav'n in mercy save , He stumbel'd o're his Death , And reel'd into his Grave . FINIS .