Micro-cosmographie, or, A peece of the world discovered in essayes and characters. Earle, John, 1601?-1665. 1628 Approx. 112 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 108 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-11 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A21075 STC 7440.2 ESTC S119948 20051603 ocm 20051603 23627 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A21075) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 23627) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1727:13) Micro-cosmographie, or, A peece of the world discovered in essayes and characters. Earle, John, 1601?-1665. [213] p. Printed by William Stansby for Edward Blount, London : 1628. Attributed to Earle by STC (2nd ed.) and NUC pre-1956 imprints. Signatures: A⁶ B-I¹² K⁵. Imperfect: stained and tightly bound with slight loss of print. Reproduction of original in the Harvard University. Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Characters and characteristics. 2003-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-08 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-09 Rina Kor Sampled and proofread 2003-09 Rina Kor Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Micro-cosmographie . OR , A PEECE OF THE WORLD DISCOVERED ; IN ESSAYES AND CHARACTERS . LONDON , Printed by William Stansby for Edward Blount . 1628. TO THE READER GENTILE OR GENTLE . I Haue ( for once ) aduentur'd to playe the Mid-wifes part , helping to bring forth these Infants into the World , which the Father would haue smoothered : who hauing left them lapt vp in loose Sheets , as soon as his Fancy was deliuered of them ; written especially for his priuate Recreation , to passe away the time in the Country , and by the forcible request of Friends drawne from him ; Yet passing seuerally from hand to hand in written Copies , grew at length to be a prety number in a little Volume : and among so many sundry dispersed Trans●cripts , some very imperfect and surreptitious had like to haue past the Presse , if the Author had not vsed speedy meanes of preuention : When , perceiuing the hazard hee ran to be wrong'd , was vnwillingly willing to let them passe as now they appeare to the World. If any faults haue escap'd the Presse , ( as few Bookes can bee printed without ) impose them not on the Author I intreat Thee ; but rather impute them to mine and the Printers ouersight , who seriously promise on the re-impression hereof by greater care and diligence , for this our former default , to make Thee ample satisfaction . In the mean while , I remaine Thine , ED : BLOVNT . A TABLE OF CONTENTS . A Childe . 1. A young raw Preacher . 2. A graue Diuine . 3. A meere dull Physitian . 4. An Alderman . 5. A discontented Man. 6. An Antiquary . 7. A younger Brother . 9. A formall Man. 10. A Church-Papist . 11 A selfe-conceied man. 12 ▪ A Tauerne . 13 ▪ A reseru'd Man. 14 ▪ A Sharke . 15 ▪ A Carier . 16 ▪ An old Colledge Pu●ler . 17 ▪ An Vpstart Knight . 18 ▪ An idle Gallant . 19 ▪ A Constable . 20 ▪ A downe-right Scholler 21 ▪ A Player . 22 ▪ A Detractor . 23 ▪ A young Gentleman o● the Vniuersity . 24 ▪ A Pot-Poet . 25. A Cooke . 26. A forward Man. 27. A Baker . 28. A plaine Country Fellow . 30. A Young-Man . 31. The common Singing-Men . 32. A Pretender to Learning . 33. A Shop-keeper . 34. A Handsome Hostesse . 35. A Blunt Man. 36. A Criticke . 37. A Sergeant . 38. A weake Man. 39 ▪ A Tobacco seller . 40 ▪ A plausible Man. 41 ▪ The World 's wise Man 42 ▪ A Bowle-Alley . 43 ▪ A Surgeon . 44 ▪ A Shee-precise Hypocrite . 45 ▪ A Contemplatiue Man 46 ▪ An Aturney . 47 ▪ A Sceptick in religion . 48 ▪ A Partiall man. 49 ▪ A Trumpeter . 50 ▪ A vulgar-spirited Man 51 ▪ A ploddding Student . 52. Pauls Walke . 53. An Vniuersity Dun. 54. A stayed Man. 55. FINIS . Micro-cosmographic . OR , A piece of the World Characteriz'd . 1. A Childe . IS a Man in a small Letter , yet the best Copie of Adam before hee tasted of Eue , or the Apple ; and hee is happy whose small practice in the World can only write this Character . Hee is nature● fresh picture newly drawne in Oyle , which time , and much handling , dimmes and defaces . His Soule is yet a white paper vnscribled with obseruations of the world , wherewith at length it becomes a blurr'd Note-booke . He is purely happy , because he knowes no euill , nor hath made meanes by sinne to be acquainted with misery . Hee arriues not at the mischiefe of being wise , nor endures euils to come by fore seeing them . He kisses and loues all , and when the smart of the rod is past , smiles on his beater . Nature and his Parents alike dandle him , ●nd tice him on with a bait of sugar , to a draught of worme-wood . Hee playes ●et , like a young Prentice ●he first day , and is not ●ome to his taske of melancholly . His hardest labour is his tongue , as if he were loath to vse so deceitfull an Organ ; and hee ●s best company with it when he can but prattle . Wee laugh at his foolish ●ports , but his game is our ●arnest : and his drums , ●attles and hobby-horses , ●ut the Emblems , & mock●ng of mans businesse . His ●ther hath writ him as his ●wne little story , wherein hee reades those day e●● his life that hee cannot ●●●member ; and sighes to 〈◊〉 what innocence he has 〈◊〉 liu'd . The elder he growe● hee is a stayer lower fro● God ; and like his first f●●ther mnch worse in 〈◊〉 ●●eeches . He is the Chr●●stians example , and the o●●mans relapse : The o●●●mitates his purenesse , an● the other fals into his si●●plicitie . Could he put 〈◊〉 his body with his litt●● Coate , he had got eternit● without a burthen , and 〈◊〉 chang'd but one Heaue● for another . 2. A young rawe . Preacher . ●S a Bird not yet fledg'd , 〈◊〉 that hath hopt out of his ●est to bee Chirping on a ●edge , and will bee strag●ng abroad at what perill 〈◊〉 euer . His backwardnesse 〈◊〉 the Vniuersitie hath set ●im thus forward ; for had ●e not truanted there , hee ●ad not beene so hastie a ●iuine . His small standing ●nd time hath made him a ●roficient onely in bold●esse , out of which and his ●able-booke he is furnisht ●or a Preacher . His Col●ections of Studie are the ●otes of Sermons , which taken vp at S. Maries , 〈◊〉 vtters in the Country . A 〈◊〉 if he write Brachigraphy ● his stocke is so much th● better . His writing is mor● then his reading ; for he● reads onely what hee get● without booke . Thus accomplisht he comes dow● to his friends , and his fir●● salutation is grace & peac● out of the Pulpit . His prayer is conceited , and no ma● remembers his Colledg● more at large . The pace o● his Sermon is a ful career● and he runnes wildly 〈◊〉 hill and dale till the clock● stop him . The labour of i● is chiefly in his lungs . An● the onely thing hee ha●● made of it himselfe , is the faces . He takes on against the Pope without mercy , and ha's a iest still in lauender for Bellarmine . His action is all passion , and his speech interiections : Hee ha's an excellent faculty in bemoaning the people , and spits with a very good grace . Hee will not draw ●his handkercher out of his place , nor blow his nose without discretion . His commendation is , that hee neuer looks vpon booke , and indeed , he was neuer vs'd to it . Hee preaches but once a yeare , though twice on Sunday : for the stuffe is still the same , only dressing a little alter'd . H● has more trickes with an● Sermon , then a Tailer with an old Cloake , to turn● it , and piece it , and at las● quite disguise it with a new Preface . If he haue wade● further in his profession and would shew Reading of his own , his Authors a●● Postils , and his Schoole diuinitie a Ca●echisme . Hi● fashion and demure Ha●bit gets him in with som● Town-precisian , and mak● him a Guest on Fryda● nights . You shall know him by his narrow Velue cape , and Serge facing , an● his ruffe , next his Haire , th● shortest thing about hi● The cōpanion of his walke is some zealous tradesman , whom he astonisheth with strange points , which they both vnderstand alike . His friends and much painefulnesse may preferre him to thirtie pounds a yeare , and this means , to a Chamber-maide : with whom wee leaue him now in the bonds of Wedlocke . Next Sunday you shal haue him againe . 3. A Graue Diuine . IS one that knowes the burden of his calling , and hath studied to make his shoulders sufficient : for which he hath not beene hasty to launch forth of his port the Vniuersity , hut expected the ballast of learning , and the winde of opportunity . Diuinity is not the beginning but the end of his studies , to which hee takes the ordinary stayre , and makes the Arts his way . He counts it not profanenesse to bee polisht with humane reading , or to smooth his way by Aristotle to schoole-diuinity . He ha's sounded both Religions and anchord in the best , and is a Protestant out of iudgement , not faction , not because his Country , but his Reason is on this side . The ministry is his choyce , not refuge , and yet the Pulpit not his itch , but feare . His discourse there is substance , not all Rhetorique , and he vtters more things then words . His speech is not help't with enforc'd action , but the matter acts it selfe . Hee shoots all his meditations at one Butt : and beats vpon his text , not the Cushion , making his hearers not the Pulpit groane . In citing of Popish errors , he cuts them with Arguments , not cudgels them with barren inu●ctiues : and labours more to shew the truth of his cause then the spleene . His Sermon is limited by the method , not the houre-glasse ; and his Deuotion goes along with him out of the Pulpit . Hee comes not vp thrice a weeke because he would not bee idle , nor talkes three houres together , because hee would not talke nothing : but his tongue Preaches at fit times ; and his conuersation is the euery dayes exercise . In matters of ceremonie hee is not ceremonious , but thinkes hee owes that reuerence to the Church to bow his iudgement to it , and make more conscience of schisme , then a Surplesse . Hee esteemes the Churches Hirarchie , as the Churches glory , and how-euer wee iarre with Rome , would not haue our confusion distinguish vs. In Symoniacall purchases he thinks his Soule goes in the bargaine , and is loath to come by promition so deare . Yet his worth at the length aduances him , and the price of his owne merit buyes him a Liuing . He is no base Grater of his Tythes , and will not wrangle for the odde Egge . The Lawyer is the onely man he hinders , he is spited for taking vp quarrels . Hee is a maine pillar of our Church , though not yet Deane nor Canon , and his life our Religions best Apologie : His death is his last Sermon , where in the Pulpit of his Bed hee instructs men to dye by his example . 4. A meere dull Physitian . HIs practice is some businesse at bed-sides , and his speculation an Vrinall . Hee is distinguish● from an Empericke by a round veluet cap , and Doctors gowne , yet no man takes degrees more superfluously , for he is Doctor howsoeuer . He is sworne to Gale● and Hypocrates , as Vniuersity men to their statutes , though they neuer saw them , and his discourse is all Aphorismes , though his reading be onely Alexis of Piemont , or the Regiment of Health . The best Cure hee ha's done is vpon his own purse , which from a leane sicklinesse he hath made lusty , and in flesh . His learning consists much in reckoning vp the hard names of diseases , and the superscriptions of Gally-pots in his Apothecaries Shoppe , which are rank't in his Shelues , and the Doctors memory . If he haue been but a by-stander at some desperate recouerie , hee is slander'd with it , though hee be guiltlesse ; and this breeds his reputation , and that his Practice ; for his skill is meerely opinion . Of all odors he likes best the smell of Vrine , and holds Vespatians rule , that no gaine is vnsauorie . If you send this once to him , you must resolue to be sick howsoeuer , for he will neuer leaue examining your Water till he haue shak● it into a Disease . Then followes a writ to his drugger in a strange tongue , which hee vnderstands though he cannot conster . If he see you himselfe , his presence is the worst visitation : for if hee cannot heale your sicknesse , he will be sure to helpe it . He translates his Apothecaries Shop into your Chamber , and the verie Windowes and Benches must take Physicke . He tels you your Maladie in Greeke , though it be but a cold , or head-ach : which by good endeauor and diligence hee may bring to some moment indeed ; his most vnfaithfull act is , that hee leaues a man gasping , and his pretence is , death and he haue a quarrell , and must not meete ; but his feare is , least the Carcasse should bleed . Anatomies and other spectacles of Mortality haue hardened him , and hee 's no more struck with a Funerall then a Graue-maker . Noblemen vse him for a director of their stomacks , and Ladies for wantonnesse , especially if hee bee a proper man. If he be single , he is in league with his Shee-Apothecary , and because it is the Physitian , the husband is Patient . If he haue leasure to be idle ( that is to study ) he ha's a smatch at Alcumy , and is sicke of the Pilosophers stone , a disease vncurable , but by an abundant Phlebotomy of the purse . His two main opposites are a Mountebanke , and a good Woman , and he neuer shewes his learning so much as in an inuectiue against them , and their boxes . In conclusion he is a sucking consumption , and a very brother to the wormes , for they are both ingendred out of mans corruption . 5. An Alderman . HEe is Venerable in his Gowne , more in his Beard , wherewith hee sets not foorth so much his owne , as the face of a Citie . You must looke on him as one of the Towne-Gates , and consider him not as a Body , but a Corporation . His eminencie aboue others hath made him a man of Worship , for hee had neuer beene prefer'd , but that hee was worth thousands . Hee ouer-sees the Common-wealth , as his Shop , and it is an argument of his Policie , that he has thriuen by his craft . Hee is a rigorous Magistrate in his Ward : yet his scale of Iustice is suspected , least it bee like the Ballances in his Ware-house . A ponderous man he is , and substantial : for his weight is commonly extraordinarie , and in his preferment nothing Rises so much as his Bellie . His Head is of no great depth , yet well furnisht , when it is in coniunction with his Brethren , may bring foorth a Citie Apothegme , or some such sage matter . Hee is one that will not hastily runne into error , for hee treds with great deliberation , & his iudgment consists much in his pace . His discourse is commonly the Annals of his Maioralty , and what good gouerment there was in the dayes of his gold Chaine : though his doore-posts were the onely things that suffered reformation : Hee seemes not sincerely religious , especially on solemne daies ; for he comes oft to Church to make a shew . He is the highest stayre of his profession and an example to his Trade , what in time they may come to . Hee makes very much of his authority ; but more of his Sattin Doublet ; which , though of good yeares , bears its age very well , and looks fresh euery Sunday ; But his Scarlet gowne is a Monument , and lasts from generation to generation . 6. A discontented Man. IS one that is falne out with the world , and will bee reuengd ' on himselfe . Fortune ha's deny'd him in something , and hee now takes pet , and will be miserable in spite . The roote of his disease is a selfe-humouring pride , and an accustom'd tendernesse , not to bee cro●t in his fancy ▪ and the occasions com●monly one of these three ▪ a hard father , a peeuish wench , or his ambition thwarted . Hee considered not the nature of the world till he felt it , and all blowes fall on him heauier , because they light not first on his expectation . He has now forgone all but his pride , and is yet vaine glorious in the ostentation of his melancholy . His composure of himselfe is a studied carelesnesse with his armes a crosse , and a neglected hanging of his head and cloake , and he is as great an enemie to an hat-band , as Fortune . He quarrels at the time , and vp-starts , and sighs at the neglect of men of Parts , that is , such as himselfe . His life is a perpetuall Satyre , and hee is still girding the ages vanity ; when this very anger shewes he too much esteemes it . Hee is much displeas'd to see men merry , and wonders what they can find to laugh at . Hee neuer drawes his own lips higher then a smile , and frownes wrinckle him before fortie . Hee at the last fals into that deadly melancholy to bee a bitter hater of men , and is the most apt Companion for any mischiefe . Hee is the sparke that kindles the Common-wealth , and the bellowes himselfe to blow it : and if he turn any thing , it is commonly one of these , either Friar , traitor , or mad-man . 7. An Antiquary . HE is a man strangely thrifty of Time past , & an enemy indeed to his Maw , whence hee fetche● out many things when they are now all rotten and stinking . Hee is one tha● hath that vnnaturall disease to bee enamour'd o● old age , and wrinckles , and loues all things ( as Dutchmen doe Cheese ) the better for being mouldy and worme-eaten . He is of our Religion , because we say it is most ancient ; and yet a broken Statue would almost make him an Idolater . A great admirer he is of the rust of old Monuments , and reades onely those Charactars , where time hath eaten out the letters . Hee will goe you forty miles to see a Saints Well , or ruin'd Abbey : and if there be but a Crosse or stone foot-stoole in the way , hee 'l be considering it so long , till he forget his iourney . His estate consists much in shekels , and Roman Coynes , and he hath more Pictures of Caesar , then Iames or Elizabeth ▪ Beggers coozen him with musty things which they haue rak't from dunghils , and he preserues their rags for precious Reliques . He loues no Library , but where there are more Spiders volums then Authors , and lookes with great admiration on the Antique worke of Cob-webs . Printed bookes he contemnes , as a nouetly of this latter age ; but a Manu-script the pores on euerlastingly , especially if the couer be all Moth-eaten , and the dust make a Parenthesis betweene euerie Sillable . He would giue all the Bookes in his Studie ( which are rarities all ) for one of the old Romane binding , or sixe lines of Tully in his owne hand . His chamber is hung commonly with strange Beasts skins , and is a kind of Charnel-house of bones extraordinarie , and his discourse vpon them , if you will heare him shall last longer . His verie atyre is that which is the eldest out of fashion , and you may picke a Criticism out of his Breeches . He neuer lookes vpon him self til he is gray-hair'd , and then he is pleased with his owne Antiquity . His Graue do●s not fright him , for he ha's been vs'd to Sepulchers , and hee likes Death the better , because it gathers him to his Fathers . 9. Younger Brother . HIs elder Brother was the Esau , that came out first and left him like Iacob at his heeles . His father ha's done with him , as Phararh to the children of Israel , that would haue them make brick , and giue them no straw , so he taskes him to bee a Gentleman , and leaues him nothing to maintaine it . The pride of his house has vndone him , which the elder Knighthood must sustaine , and his beggery that Knighthood . His birth and bringing vp will not suffer him to descend to the meanes to get wealth : but he stands at the mercy of the world , and which is worse of his brother . He is something better then the Seruing-men ; yet they more saucy with him , then hee bold with the master , who beholds him with a countenance of sterne awe , and checks him oftner then his Liueries . His brothers old suites and hee are much alike in request , and cast off now and then one to the other . Nature hath furnisht him with a little more wit vpon compassion ; for it is like to be his best reuenew . If his Annuity stretch so farre he is sent to the Vniuersity , and with great heart-burning takes vpon him the Ministry ; as a profession hee is condemn'd , to by his ill fortune . Other take a more crooked path , yet the Kings high-way , where at length their vizzard is pluck't off , and they strike faire for Tiburne : but their Brothers pride , not loue , gets them a pardon . His last refuge is the Low-countries , where rags and lice are no scandall , where hee liues a poore Gentleman of a Company , and dies without a shirt . The onely thing that may better his fortunes , is an art hee ha's to make a Gentlewoman , wherewith hee baits now and then some rich widow , that is hungry after his blood . He is commonly discontented , and desperate , and the forme of his exclamation is , that Churle my Brother . He loues not his country for this vnnatural custome , and would haue long since reuolted to the Spaniard , but for Kent onely which he holds in admiration . 10. A meere formall Man. IS somewhat more then the shape of a man ; for he has his length , breadth , and colour . When you haue seene his outside , you haue lookt through him , and need imploy your discouery no farther . His reason is meerly example , and his action is not guided by his vnderstanding , but he sees other men doe thus , and he followes them . He is a Negatiue , for we cannot call him a wise man , but not a foole ; nor an honest man , but not a knaue ; nor a Protestant , but not a Papist . The chiefe burden of his brain is the carriage of his body , and the setting of his face in a good frame : which hee performes the better , because hee is not disiointed with other Meditations . His Religion is a good quiet subiect , and he prayes , as he sweares , in the Phrase of the Land. He is a faire guest , and a faire inuiter , and can excuse his good cheere in the accustomed Apologie . Hee ha's some faculty in mangling of a Rabbet , and the distribution of his morsell to a neighbour trencher . Hee apprehends a iest by seeing men smile , and laughes orderly himselfe , when it comes to his turne . His discourse is the newes that hee hath gathered in his walke , and for other matters his discretion is , that he will only what hee can , that is , say nothing . His life is like one that runnes to the Minster-walke , to take a turne , or two , and so passes . He hath staid in the world to fill a number ; and when he is gone , there wants one , and there 's an end . 11. A Church-Papist . IS one that parts his Religion betwixt his conscience and his purse , and comes to Church not to serue God , but the King. The face of the Law makes him weare the maske of the Gospel , which he vses not as a meanes to saue his soule , but charges . He loues Popery well , but is loath to lose by it , and though he be somthing scar'd with the Buls of Rome , yet they are farre off , and he is strucke with more terror at the Apparitor . Once a moneth he presents himselfe at the Church , to keepe off the Church warden , & brings in his body to saue his bayle . He kneels with the Congregation , but prayes by himselfe , and asks God forgiuenesse for comming thither . If he be forc'd to stay out a Sermon , he puts his hat ouer his eyes , and frowns out the houre , and when hee comes home , thinkes to make amends for this fault by abusing the Preacher . His maine policy is to shift off the Communion , for which he is neuer vnfurnish't of a quarrell , and will be sure to be out of Charity at Easter ; and indeed lies not , for hee ha's a quarrell to the Sacrament . He would make a bad Martyr , and good trauellor , for his conscience is so large , he could neuer wander out of it , and in Constantinople would be circumcis'd with a reseruation . His wife is more zealous , and therfore more costly , and he bates her in tyres , what she stands him in Religion . But we leaue him hatching plots against the State , and expecting Spinola . 12. A selfe conceited Man. IS one that knowes himselfe so well that he does not know himselfe . Two excellent well-dones haue vndone him ; and hee is guilty , that first commended him to madnesse . He is now become to his owne booke , which he poares on continually , yet like a truant-reader skips ouer the harsh places and surueyes onely that which is pleasant . In the speculation of his owne good parts , his eyes like a drunkards see all double , and his fancy like an old mans spectacles , make a great letter in a small print . He imagines euery place where hee comes his Theater , and not a looke stirring , but his spectator ; and conceiues mens thoughts to be very idle , that is , busie about him . His walke is still in the fashion of a March , and like his opinion vnaccompanyed , with his eyes most fixt vpon his owne person , or on others with reflection to himselfe . If he haue done any thing that ha's past with applause , he is alwayes re-acting it alone , and conceits the extasie his hearers were in at euery period . His discourse is all positions , and definitiue decrees , with thus it must be , and thus it is , and hee will not humble his authority to proue it . His tenent is alwayes singular , and aloofe from the vulgar as he can , from which you must not hope to wrest him . Hee ha's an excellent humor , for an heretique , and in these dayes made the first Arminian . He prefers Ramus before Aristotle , & Paracelsus before Galen , and whosoeuer with most Paradox is commended , & Lipsius his hopping stile , before either Tully or Quintilian . He much pities the World , that ha's no more in sight in his Parts , when he is too well discouered , euen to this very thoght . A flatterer is a dunce to him , for he can tell him nothing but what hee knowes before , and yet he loues him to , because he is like himselfe . Men are mercifull to him , and let him alone , for if he be once driuen from his humor , he is like two inward friends fallen out ; His own bitter enemy , and discontent presently makes a murther . In summe , he is a bladder blown vp with wind , which the least flaw crushes to nothing . 13. A Tauerne . IS a degree , or ( if you will ) a paire of stayres aboue an Alehouse , where men are drunke with more credit and Apologie . If the Vintners nose be at dore , it is a signe sufficient , but the absence of this is supplyed by the Iuie-bush . The rooms are ill breath'd , like the drinkers that haue been washt wel ouer night , and are smelt too fasting next morning ; not furnisht with Beds apt to be defil'd , but more necessary implements , Stooles , Table , and a Chamber-pot . It is a broacher of more newes then hogs-heads , & more iests then newes , which are sukt vp heere by some spungie braine , and from thence squeazed into a Comedy . Men come here to make merry , but indeed make a noise , and this musicke aboue is answered with the clinking below . The Drawers are the ciuilest people in it , men of good bringing vp , and howsoeuer we esteeme of them , none can boast more iustly of their high calling . T is the best Theater of natures , where they are truely acted , not plaid , and the busines as in the rest of the world vp and downe , to wit , from the bottome of the Seller to the great Chamber . A melancholy man would finde heere matter to worke vpon , to see Heads as brittle as Glasses , and ofter broken . Men come hither to quarrell , and come hither to be made friends , and if Plutarch will lend me his Simile , it is euen Telephus his sword that makes wounds , and cures them . It is the common cōsumption of the Afternoone , and the murderer , or maker away of a rainy day . It is the Torrid Zone that scorches the face , and Tobacco the gun-powder that blowes it vp . Much harme would be done , if the charitable Vintener had not Water readie for these flames . A house of sinne you may call it but not a house of darknesse for the Candles are neuer out , and it is like those Countries farre in the North , where it is as cleare at mid-night as at mid-day . After a long sitting , it becomes like a street in a dashing showre , where the spouts are flushing aboue , and the Conduits running below , while the Iordans like swelling riuers ouerflow their bankes . To giue you the totall reckoning of it . It is the busie mans recreation , the idle mans businesse , the melancholy mans Sanctuary , the strangers welcome , the Innes a Court mans entertainment , the schollers kindnesse , and the Citizens curtesie . It is the studie of sparkling wits , and a cup of Canary their book , where we leaue them . 14. A too idly reseru'd Man. IS one that is a foole with discretion : or a strange piece of Politician , that manages the state of himselfe , His Actions are his Priuie Counsell , wherein no man must partake beside . He speakes vnder rule and prescription , and dare not shew his teeth without Machiauell . He conuerses with his neighbours as he would in Spaine , and feares an inquisitiue man as much as the inquisition . Hee suspects all questions for examinations , and thinks you would pick something out of him , and auoids you : His brest is lik a gentlewomans closet , which locks vp euerie toye and trifle , or some bragging Mounte-banke , that makes euerie stinking thing a secret . He deliuers you common matters with great coniuration . of silence , and whispers you in the eare Acts of Parliament . You may as soone wrest a tooth from him as a paper , and whatsoeuer he reads is letters . He dares not talke of great men for feare of bad Comments , and he knowes not how his words may bee misapplyed . Aske his opinion and he tels you his doubt : and hee neuer heares any thing more astonishtly then what he knowes before . His words are like the Cards at Primiuiste , where 6. is 18. and 7. 21. for they neuer signifie what they sound ; but if he tell you he wil do a thing , it is as much as if hee swore he would not . He is one indeed that takes all men to be craftier then they are , and puts himselfe to a great deale of affliction to hinder their plots , and designes where they meane freely . Hee ha's beene long a riddle himselfe , but at last finds Oedipusses ; for his ouer-acted dissimulation discouers him , and men doe with him as they would with Hebrew letters , spell him backwards , and read him . 15. A Sharke . IS one whome all other meanes haue fayl'd , and hee now liues of himselfe . He is some needy casheir'd fellow , whom the World has oft flung off , yet still claspes againe , and is like one a drowning , fastens vpon any thing that 's next at hand , amongst other of his Shipwrackes hee has happyly lost shame , and this want supplies him . No man puts his Braine to more vse then hee , for his life is a dayly inuention , and each meale a new stratagem . Hee has an excellent memorie for his acquaintance , though there past but how doe you betwixt them seuen yeeres agoe , it shall suffice for an Imbrace , and that for money . He offers you a Pottle of Sacke out of his ioy to see you , and in requitall of this courtesie , you can doe no lesse then pay for it . He is fumbling with his purse-strings , as a Schoole-boy with his points , when hee is going to bee Whipt , till the Master wearie with long Stay , forgiues him . When the reckoning is payd , he sayes it must not bee so , it is strait pacified , and cryes what remedie . His borrowings are like Subsidies , each man a shilling or two , as he can well dispend , which they lend him ▪ not with the hope to be repayd , but that he will come no more . He holds a strange tyranny ouer men , for he is their debtor , and they feare him as a creditor . He is proud of any imployment , though it bee but to carry commendations , which he will be sure to deliuer at eleuen of the clocke . They in curtesie bid him stay , & he in manners cannot deny them . If he find but a good looke to assure his welcom , he becomes their halfe boorder , and haunts the threshhold so long , till he forces good natures to the necessity of a quarrell . Publique iuuitations hee will not wrong with his absence , and is the best witnesse of the Sheriffes Hospitality . Men shun him at length as they would doe an infection , and he is neuer crost in his way , if there be but a lane to escape him . He ha's done with the Age as his clothes to him , hung on as long as he could , and at last drops off . 16. A Carrier . IS his own Hackneyman for hee lets himselfe out to trauel as well as his horses . Hee is the ordinarie Embassadour betweene Friend and Friend , and brings rich Presents to the one , but neuer returnes any backe againe . He is no vnletter'd man , though in shew simple , for questionlesse , hee has much in his Budget , which hee can vtter too in fit time and place ; He is the Vault in Gloster Church , that conueyes Whispers at a distance ; for hee takes the sound out of your mouth at Yorke , and makes it bee heard as farre as London . Hee is the young Students ioy and expectation , and their most accepted guest , to whom they lend a willing hand to discharge him of his burthen . His first greeting is , Your Friends are well ; then in a piece of Gold deliuers their Blessi●g . You would thinke him a Churlish blunt fellow , but they find in him many tokens of humanitie . He is a great afflicter of the High-way , and beates them out of mesure , which iniury is somtimes reuengd by the Purse-taker ; & then the Voyage miscaries . No mandomineers more in his Inne , nor cals his Host vnreuerently with more presumption , and this arrogance proceeds out of the strength of his Horses . He forgets not his load where he takes his ease , for he is drunke commonly before he goes to bed . He is like the Prodigall Child , still packing away , and still returning againe . But let him passe . 17. An old Colledge Butler . IS none of the worst Students in the house , for he keeps the set houres at his booke more duly then any . His authority is great ouer mens good names , which hee charges many times with shrewd aspersions , which they hardly wipe off without payment . His Boxe and Counters proue him to bee a man of reckoning ; yet he is stricter in his accounts then a Vsurer , and deliuers not a farthing without writing . He doubles the pains of Gallobelgicus , for his bookes goe out once a quarter , and they are much in the same nature , briefe notes and summes of affaires , and are out of request as soone . His commings in are like a Taylors from the shreds of bread , the chippings , and remnants of the broken crust : excepting his vailes from the barrell , which poore folkes buy for their hogs , but drinke themselues . He diuides a halfe-peny loafe with more subtilty then Kekerman , and sub-diuides the a primo ortum so nicely , that a stomacke of great capacity can hardly apprehend it . Hee is a very sober man considering his manifold temptations of drinke and strangers , and if hee be ouer-seene , t is within his owne liberties , and no man ought to take exceptions . He is neuer so well pleas'd with his place , as when a Gentleman is beholding to him for shewing him the Buttery , whom hee greets with a cup of single beere and slyst manchet , and tels him t is the fashion of the Colledge . Hee domineers ouer Fresh-men when they first come to the Hatch , and puzzles them with strange language of Cues , and Cees , and some broken Latine which he ha's learnt at his Bin. His faculties extraordinary , is the warming of a paire of Cards , and telling out a doozen of Counters for Post and Paire , and no man is more methodicall in these businesses . Thus hee spends his age , till the ●appe of it is runne out , and then a fresh one is set abroach . 18. An vp-start Countrey Knight . HIs honour was somewhat preposterous , for hee bare the Kings sword before he had armes to wield it ; yet being once laid ore the shoulder with a Knighthood , he finds the Herauld his friend . His father was a man of good stocke , though but a Tanner , or Vsurer ; hee purchast the Land , and his son the Title . He ha's do●t off the name of a Clowne , but the looke not so easie , and his face beares still a relish of Churne-milke . Hee is garded with more gold lace then all the Gentlemen o' th Country , yet his body makes his clothes stil out of fashion . His house-keeping is seene much in the distinct families of Dogges , and Seruing-men attendant on their kennels , and the deepenesse of their throats is the depth of his discourse . A Hauke he esteemes the true burthen of Nobility , and is exceeding ambitious to seeme delighted in the sport , and haue his fist glou'd with his Iesses . A Iustice of peace hee is to domineere in his Parish , and doe his neighbour wrong with more right . And very scandalous he is in his authority , for no sinne almost which hee will not commit . Hee will be drunke with his hunters for company , and staine his Gentility with droppings of Ale. He is fearfull of being Sheriffe of the Shire by instinct , and dreads the Size-weeeke as much as the Prisoner . In summe , he is but a clod of his owne earth , or his Land is the Dunghill , and he the Cocke that crowes ouer it . And commonly his race is quickly runne , and his Childrens Children , though they scape hanging , returne to the place from whence they came . 19. A Gallant . IS one that was born and shapt for his cloathes : and if Adam had not falne , had liu'd to no purpose . Hee gratulates therefore the first sinne , and fig-leaues that were an occasion of brauery . His first care is his dresse , the nex● his bodie , and in the vniting of these two lies his soule and its faculties . He obserues London trulier then the Termers , and his businesse is the street : the Stage , the Court , and those places where a proper man is best showne . If hee be qualified in gaming extraordinary , he is so much the more gentile and compleate , and hee learnes the best oathes for the purpose . These are a great part of his discourse , & he is as curious in their newnesse as the fashion . His other talke is Ladies and such pretty things , or some iest at a Play. His Pick-tooth beares a great part in his discourse , so does his body ; the vpper parts whereof are as starcht as his linnen , and perchance vse the same Laundresse . Hee has learnt to ruffle his face from his Boote , and takes great delight in his walke to heare his Spurs gingle . Though his life passe somewhat slidingly , yet he seemes very carefull of the time , for hee is still drawing his Watch out of his Poket , and spends part of his houres in numbring them . He is one neuer serious but with his Taylor , when hee is in conspiracie for the next deuice . He is furnisht his Iests , as some wanderer with Sermons , some three for all Congregations , one especially against the Scholler , a man to him much ridiculous , whome hee knowes by no other definition , but a silly fellow in blacke . He is a kind of walking Mercers Shop , and shewes you one Stuffe to day , and another tomorrow ; an ornament to the roomes he comes in , as the faire Bed and Hangings be ; and is meerely ratable accordingly , fiftie or an hundred Pound as his suit is . His maine ambition is to get a Knight-hood , and then an olde Ladie , which if he be happy in , he fils the Stage and a Coach so much longer . Otherwise , himselfe and his Cloathes grow stale together , and he is buried commonly ere hee dies in the Gaole , or the Country . 20. A Constable . IS a Vice-roy in the street , and no man stands more vpon 't that he is the Kings Officer . His iurisdiction extends to the next stocks , where he ha's Commission for the heeles onely , and sets the rest of the body at liberty . Hee is a scar-crow to that Alehouse , where he drinkes not his mornings draught , and apprehends a Drunkard for not standing in the Kings name . Beggers feare him more then the Iustice , and as much as the Whip-stocke , whom hee deliuers ouer to his subordinate Magistrates , the Bride-wel-man , and the Beadle . Hee is a great stickler in the tumults of double Iugges , and venters his head by his Place , which is broke many times to keep whole the peace . He is neuer so much in his Maiesty as in his Night-watch , where hee sits in his Chayre of State , a Shop-stall , and inuiron'd with a guard of Halberts , examines all passengers . He is a very carefull man in his Office , but if hee stay vp after midnight , you shall take him napping . 21. A downe right Sholler . IS one that has much learning in the Ore , vnwrought and vntryde , which time and experience fashions and refines . He is good mettall in the inside , though rough & vnscour'd without , and therefore hated of the Courtier , that is quite contrarie . The time has got a veine of making him ridiculous , and men laugh at him by tradition , and no vnluckie absurdity , but is put vpon his profession , and done like a Scholler . But his fault is onely this , that his mind is somewhat much taken vp with his mind , and his thoughts not loaden with any carriage besides . Hee has not put on the quaint Garbe of the Age , which is now become a mans Totall . He has not humbled his Meditations to the industrie of Complement , not afflicted his braine in an elaborate legge . His body is not set vpon nice Pinnes , to bee turning and flexible for euery motion , but his scrape is homely , and his nod worse . He cannot kisse his hand and cry Madame , nor talke idly enough to beare her company . His smacking of a Gentle-woman is somewhat too sauory , and he mistakes her nose for her lippe . A very Woodcock would puzzle him in caruing , and hee wants the logicke of a Capon . He has not the glib faculty of sliding ouer a tale , but his words come squeamishly out of his mouth , and the laughter commonly before the iest . He names this word Colledge too often , and his discourse beats too much on the Vniuersity . The perplexity of mannerlinesse will not let him feed , and he is sharpe set at an Argument when hee should cut his meate . He is discarded for a gamester at all games but one and thirty , and at tables he reaches not beyond doublets . His fingers are not long and drawn out to handle a Fiddle , but his fist is clunch't with the habite of disputing . He ascends a Horse somwhat sinisterly , though not on the left side , and they both goe iogging in griefe together . He is exceedingly censur'd by the Innes a Court men , for that hainous Vice being out of fashion . Hee cannot speake to a Dogge in his owne Dialect , and vnderstands Greeke better then the language of a Falconer . Hee has beene vsed to a darke roome , and darke Clothes , and his eyes dazzle at a Sattin Doublet . The Hermitage of his Study , has made him somwhat vncouth in the world , and men make him worse by staring on him . Thus is he silly and ridiculous , and it continues with him for some quarter of a yeare , out of the Vniuersitie . But practise him a little in men , and brush him ore with good companie , and hee shall out-ballance those glisterers as much as a solid substance do's a feather , or Gold Gold-lace . 22. A Player . HE knows the right vse of the World , where in he comes to play a part and so away . His life is not idle for it is all Action , and no man need be more wary in his doings , for the eyes of all men are vpon him . His Profession ha's in it a kind of contradiction , for none is more dislik'd , and yet none more applauded ; and he ha's this misfortude of some Scholler , too much wit makes him a foole . He is like our painting Gentle-women , seldome in his owne face , seldomer in his cloathes , and he pleases , the better hee counterfeits , except onely when he is disguis'd with straw for gold lace . Hee do's not only personate on the Stage , but sometime in the Street , for he is mask'd still in the habit of a Gentleman . His Parts find him oathes and good words , which he keeps for his vse and Discourse , and makes shew with them of a fashionable Companion . He is tragicall on the Stage , but rampant in the Tyring-house , and sweares oathes there which he neuer con'd . The waiting women Spectators are ouer-eares in loue with him , and Ladies send for him to act in their Chambers . Your Innes of Court men were vndone but for him , hee is their chiefe guest and imployment , and the sole busines that makes them Afternoones men ; The Poet only is his Tyrant , and he is bound to make his friends friend drunk at his charges . Shroue-tuesday hee feares as much as the Baudes , and Lent is more damage to him then the Butcher . He was neuer so much discredited as in one Act , & that was of Parliament , which giues Hostlers Priuiledge before him , for which hee abhors it more then a corrupt Iudge . But to giue him his due , one wel-furnisht Actor has enough in him for fiue common Gentlemen , and if he haue a good body for sixe , and for resolution , hee shall Challenge any Cato , for it has beene his practise to die brauely . 23. A Detractor . IS one of a more cunning and actiue enuy , wherewith he gnaws not foolishly himselfe , but throwes it abroad and would haue it blister others . He is commonly some weake parted fellow , and worse minded , yet is strangely ambitious to match others , not by mounting their worth , but bringing them down with his Tongue to his owne poorenesse . Hee is indeed like the red Dragon that pursued the woman , for when hee cannot ouer-reach another , hee opens his mouth and throwes a flood after to drowne him . You cannot anger him worse then to do well , and hee hates you more bitterly for this , then if you had cheated him of his patrimony with your owne discredit . He is alwayes slighting the generall opinion , and wondring why such and such men should bee applauded . Commend a good Diuine , hee cryes Postilling , a Philologer Pedantrie , a Poet Ryming , a Schoole man dull wrangling , a sharpe conceite , Boy-ishnesse ; an honest Man pla●sibilitie . Hee comes to Publique things not to learne , but to catch , and if there bee but one soloecisme , that 's all he carries away . Hee lookes on all things with a prepared sowrenesse , and is still furnisht with a Pish before hand , or some musty Prouerbe that dis-relishes all things whatsoeuer . If feare of the company make him second a commendation , it is like a Law-writ , alwaies with a clause and exception , or to smooth his way to some greater scandall . Hee will grant you somthing , and bate more ; and this bating shal in conclusion take away all hee granted . His speech concludes still with an Oh but , and I coud wish one thing amended ; and this one thing shal be enough to deface all his former commendations . Hee will bee very inward with a man to fish some bad out of him , and make his slanders hereafter more authenticke , when it is said a friend reported it . He will inueigle you to naughtinesse to get your good name into his clutches , and make you drunk to shew you reeling . He passes the more plausibly because all men haue a smatch of his humour , and it is thought freenes which is malice . If he can say nothing of a man , hee will seeme to speak riddles , as if he could tell strange stories if he would : and when he has rackt his inuention to the vttermost , hee ends : But I wish him well , and therfore must hold my peace . He is alwayes listning and enquiring after men , and suffers not a cloake to passe by him vn-examin'd . In briefe , hee is one that has lost all good himselfe , and is loth to find it in another . 24. A meere young Gen-man of the Vniuersitie . IS one that comes there to weare a gown , and to say hereafter , he has beene at the Vniuersitie . His Father sent him thither , because hee heard there were the best Fencing and Dancing-Schooles , from these he has his Education , from his Tutor the ouer-sight . The first Element of his knowledge is to be shewne the Colledges , and initiated in a Tauerne by the way , which hereafter hee wil learne of himselfe . The two markes of his Senioritie , is the bare Veluet of his gowne , and his proficiencie at Tennis , where when hee can once play a Set , he is a Fresh-man no more . His Studie has commonly handsome Shelues , his Bookes near Silke strings , which he shewes to his Fathers man , and is loth to vntye or take downe for feare of misplacing . Vpon foule dayes for recreation hee retyres thither , and looks ouer the prety booke his Tutor Reades to him , which is commonly some short Historie , or a piece of Euphormio ; for which his Tutor giues him Money to spend next day . His maine loytering is at the Library , where he studies Armes and bookes of Honour , and turnes a Gentleman-Critick in Pedigrees . Of all things he endures not to bee mistaken for a Scholler , and hates a black suit though it be of Sattin . His companion is ordinarily some stale fellow , that ha's beene notorious for an Ingle to gold hatbands , whom he admires at first , afterward scornes . If hee haue spirit or wit , he may light of better company , and may learne some flashes of wit , which may doe him Knights seruice in the Country hereafter . But hee is now gon to the Inns of Court , where he studies to forget what hee learn'd before , his acquaintance and the fashion . 25. A Pot-Poet . IS the dreggs of wit ; yet mingled with good drink mae haue some relish . His Inspirations are more reall then others ; for they doe but faine a God , but he has his by him . His Verses run like the Tap , and his inuention as the Barrell , ebs and flowes at the mercy of the spiggot . In thin drinke hee aspires not aboue a Ballad , but a cup of Sacke inflames him , and sets his Muse and Nose a fire together . The Presse is his Mint , and stamps him now and then a sixe pence or two in reward of the baser coyne his Pamphlet . His Workes woul● 〈◊〉 sell for three halfe-pence , though they are giuen oft for three Shillings , but for the prety Title that allures the Country Gentleman : and for which the Printer maintaines him in Ale a fortnight . His Verses are like his clothes , miserable Cento's and patches , yet their pace is not altogether so hobbling as an Almanacks . The death of a great man or the burning of a house furnish him with an Argument , and the nine Muses are out strait in mourning gownes , and Melpomine cryes Fire , Fire . His other Poems are but Briefs in Rime , and like the poore Greekes collections to redeeme from captiuity . He is a man now much imploy'd in commendations of our Nauy , and a bitter inueigher against the Spaniard . His frequent'st Workes goe out in single sheets , and are chanted from market to market , to a vile tune , and a worse throat , whilst the poore Country wench melts like her butter to heare them . And these are the Stories of some men of Tyburne , or a strange Monster out of Germany : or sitting in a Baudy-house ; hee writes Gods Iudgements . Hee ends at last in some obscure painted Cloth , to which himselfe made the Verses , and his life like a Canne too full spils vpon the bench . He leaues twenty shillings on the score , which my Hostesse looses . 26. A Cooke . THe Kitchin is his Hel , and hee the Diuell in it , where his meate aud he frye together . His Reuennues are showr'd downe from the fat of the Land , and he enter-lards his own grease among to helpe the drippings . Colericke hee is , not by nature so much as his Art , & it is a shrewd temptation that the chopping knife is so neare . His weapons ofter offensiue , are a messe of hot broth , and scalding water , and woe be to him that comes in his way . In the Kitchin he wil domineere , and rule the roste , in spight of his Master , and Curses is the very Dialect of his Calling . His labour is meere blustring and furie , and his Speech like that of Sailors in a storme , a thousand businesses at once , yet in all this tumult hee do's not loue cumbustion , but will be the first man that shall goe and quench it . Hee is neuer good Christian till a hizzing Pot of Ale has slak't him , like Water cast on a fire-brand , & for that time he is tame and disposest . His cunning is not small in Architecture , for he builds strange Fabricks in Paste , Towres and Castles , which are offered to the assault of valiant teeth , and like Darius his Pallace , in one Banquet demolisht . Hee is a pittilesse murderer of Innocents , and hee mangles poore foules with vnheard of tortures , and it is thought the Martyrs persecutions were deuised from hence , sure we are St. Lawrence his Gridiron came out of his Kitchin. His best facultie is at the Dresser , where he seemes to haue great skill in the Tactickes , ranging his Dishes in order Militarie , and placing with great discretion in the fore-front meates more strong and hardy and the more cold and cowardly in the reare , as quaking Tarts , and quiueri●g Custards , and such milke-sop Dishes which scape many times the fury of the encounter . But now the second Course is gone vp , and hee downe into the Sellar , where hee drinkes and sleepes till foure a clocke in the afternoone , and then returnes againe to his Regiment . 27. A forward bold Man. IS a lusty fellow in a crowd , that 's beholding more to his elbow then his legges , for he do's not goe but thrusts well . Hee is a good shuffler in the world , wherin he is so oft putting forth , that at length he puts on . He can doe something , but dare doe much more , and is like a desperate soldier , who will assault any thing where he is sure not to enter . He is not so well-opinion'd of himselfe , as industrious to make other ; and thinks no vice so preiudiciall as blushing . Hee is still citing for himselfe , that a candle should not be hid vnder a bushell , and for his part , he will be sure not to hide his , thogh his candle be but a snuffe or Rush-candle . These few good parts hee has , he is no niggard in displaying , and is like some needy flanting gold-smith , no thing in the inner roome , but all on the ●np-boord : If he be a scholler , he ha's commonly stept into the Pulpit before a degree ; yet into that too before he deseru'd it . He neuer deferres S. Maries beyond his regencie , and his next Sermon is at Pruls Crosse , and that printed . He loues publike things alife : and for any solemne entertainment he will find a mouth , find a speech who will. Hee is greedy of great acquaintance and many , and thinkes it no small aduancement to rise to bee knowne . His talke at the table is like Beniamins messe , fiue times to his part , and no argument shuts him out for a quarrellour . Of all disgraces he indures not to be Non-plust , and had rather flye for Sanctuary to Non-sense , which few can descry , then to nothing which all . His boldnesse is beholding to other mens modestie , which rescues him many times from a Bafflle ; yet his face is good Armour , and hee is dasht out of any thing sooner then Countenance . Grosser conceites are puzzel'd in him for a rare man , and wiser men , though they know him , take him for their pleasure , or as they would doe a Sculler for being next at hand . Thus preferment at last stumbles on him because hee is still in the way . His Companions that flouted him before , now enuie him , when they see him come readie for Scarlet , whilst themselues lye Mustie in their old Clothes and Colledges . 28. A Baker . NO man verifies the Prouerbe more , that it is an Almes-deed to punish him : for his penalty is a Dole , and do's the Beggers as much good as their Dinner . He abhors therefore workes of Charitie , and thinkes his Bread cast away when it is giuen to the poore . He loues not Iustice neither , for the weigh-scales sake , and hates the Clarke of the Market as his Executioner : yet hee findes mercy in his offences , and his Basket onely is sent to Prison . Marry a Pillory is his deadly enemy , and he neuer heares well after . 30. A plaine Country Fellow . IS one that manures his ground wel , but lets himselfe lie fallow and vntil'd . Hee has reason enough to doe his businesse , and not enough to be idle or melancholy . Hee seemes to haue the iudgement of Nabuchadnezar for his conuersation is among beasts , and his tallons none of the shortest , only he eates not grasse , because he loues not sallets . His hand guids the Plough , and the Plough his thoughts , and his ditch and land●marke is the very mound of his meditations . He expostulates with his Oxen very vnderstandingly , and speakes Gee and Ree better then English . His mind is not much distracted with obiects , but if a good fat Cowe come in his way , he stands dumbe and astonisht , and though his haste be neuer so great , will fixe here halfe an houres contemplation . His habitation is some poore Thatcht roofe , distinguisht from his Barn , by the loope-holes that let out smoak , which the raine had long since Washt thorow , but for the double seeling of Bacon on the inside , which has hung ther from his Grandsires time , and is yet to make rashers for posterity . His Dinner is his other worke , for he sweats at it as much as at his labour ; he is a terrible fastner on a piece of Beefe , and you may hope to staue the Guard off sooner . His Religion is a part of his Copy-hold , which hee takes from his Land-lord , and referres it wholly to his discretion . Yet if hee giue him leaue , he is a good Christian to his power ( that is ) comes to Church in his best clothes , and sits there with his Neighbours , where he is capable onely of two Praiers , for raine , and faire weather . Hee apprehends Gods blessings onely in a Good Yeere , or a Fat pasture , and neuer praises him bu● on good ground . Sunday he esteemes a day to make merrie in , and thinkes a Bag-pipe as essentiall to it , as Euening Prayer , where hee walkes very solemnly after seruice with his hands coupled behind him , and censures the dauncing of his parish . His complement with his Neighbour is a good thumpe on the backe ; and his salutation commonly some blunt Curse . Hee thinkes nothing to bee vices but Pride and ill-husbandrie , from which hee wil grauely disswade youth and has some thriftie Hob-nayle Prouerbes to Clout his discourse . Hee is a niggard all the Weeke except onely Market-day , where if his Corne sell well , hee thinkes he may be drunke with a good Conscience . His feete neuer stinke so vnbecommingly as when hee trots after a Lawyer in West-minster●hall , and euen cleaues the ground with hard scraping , in beseeching his Worship to take his money . Hee is sensible of no calamitie but the burning of a Stacke of Corne , or the ouer-flowing of a Medow , and thinkes Noahs Flood the greatest Plague that euer was , not because it Drowned the World , but spoyl'd the grasse . For Death hee is neuer troubled , and if hee get in but his Haruest before , let it come when it wil he cares not . 31. A Young-man . HEe is now out of Natures protection , though not yet able to guide himselfe . But left loose to the World , and Fortune , from which the weaknesse of his Childhood preseru'd him : and now his strength exposes him . Hee is indeed iust of age to be miserable , yet in his owne conceit first begins to be happy ; and hee is happier in this imagination , and his misery not felt is lesse . He sees yet but the outside of the World and Men , and conceiues them according to their appearing glister , and out of this ignorance beleeues them . He pursues all vanities for happinesse , and enioyes them best in this fancy . His reason serues not to curbe but vnderstand his appetite , and prosecute the motions thereof with a more eager earnestnes . Himselfe is his owne temptation , and needs not Satan ; and the World will come hereafter . Hee leaues repentance for gray hayres , and performes it in being couetous . Hee is mingled with the vices of the age as the fashion and custome , ●ith which hee longs to bee acquainted ; and Sinnes to better his vnderstanding . He conceiues his Youth as the season of his Lust , and the Houre wherein hee ought to bee bad : and because he would not lose his time , spends it . He distasts Religion as a sad thing , and is sixe yeeres elder for a thought of Heauen . Hee scornes and feares , and yet hopes for old age , but dare not imagine it with wrincles . Hee loues and hates with the same inflamation : and when the heate is ouer is coole alike to friends and enemies . His friendship is seldome so stedfast but that lust , drinke , or anger may ouerturne it . He offers you his blood to day in kindnesse , and is readie to take yours to morrow . He do's seldome any thing which hee wishes not to doe againe , and is onely wise after a misfortune . Hee suffers much for his knowledge , and a great deale of folly it is makes him a wise man. Hee is free from manie Vices , by being not grown to the performance , and is onely more vertuous out of weaknesse . Euerie action is his danger , and euery man his ambush . Hee is a Shippe without Pilot or Tackling , and only good fortune may steere him . If he scape this age , hee ha's scap't a Tempest , and may liue to be a Man. 32. The common singing-men in Cathedrall Churches . ARe a bad Society , and yet a Company of good Fellowes , that roare deep in the Quire , deeper in the Tauerne . They are the eight parts of speech which goe to the Syntaxis of Seruice , and are distinguish't by their noyses much like Bels , for they make not a Consort but a Peale . Their pastime or recreation is prayers , their exrecise drinking , yet herein so religiously addicted that they serue God oftest when they are drunke . Their humanity is a legge to the Residencer , their learning a Chapter , for they learne it commonly before they read it , yet the old Hebrew names are little beholding to them , for they mis-call them worse then one another . Though they neuer expound the Scripture , they handle it much , and pollute the Gospel with two things , their Conuersation , and their thumbes . Vpon Worky-dayes they behaue themselues at Prayers as at their Pots , for they swallow them downe in an instant . Their Gownes are lac'd cōmonly with streamings of Ale , the superfluites of cups , or throat aboue measure . Their skill in melody makes them the better companions abroad , and their Anthemes abler to sing Catches . Long-liu'd for the most part they are not , especially the base , they ouer-flow their banke so oft to drowne the Organs . Briefly , if they escape arresting , they dye constantly in Gods Seruice ; and to take their death with more patience , they haue Wine and Cakes at their Funerall : and now they keepe the Church a great deale better , and helpe to fill it with their bones as before with their noise . 33. A Pretender to Learning . IS one that would make others more fooles then himselfe ; for though hee know nothing , he would not haue the world know so much . He conceits nothing in Learning but the opinion , which he seekes to purchase without it , though hee might with lesse labour cure is ignorance , then hide it . He is indeed a kind of Scholler-Mountebank , and his Art , our delusion . He is trickt out in all the accoutrements of Learning , and at the first encounter none passes better . He is oftner in his study , then at his Booke , and you cannot pleasure him better , then to deprehend him . Yet he heares you not til the third knocke , and then comes out very angry , as interrupted . You find him in his Slippers , and a Pen in his eare , in which formality he was asleep . His Table is spred wide with some Classicke Folio , which is as constant to it as the carpet , and hath laid open in the same Page this halfe yeare . His Candle is alwayes a longer sitter vp then himselfe , and the boast of his Window at Midnight . He walkes much alone in the Posture of Meditation , and ha's a Booke still before his face in the fields . His pocket is seldome without a Greeke Testament , or Hebrew Bible , which hee opens only in the Church , and that when some stander by lookes ouer . He has his sentences for Company , some scatterings of Seneca and Tacitus , which are good vpon all occasions . If hee read any thing in the morning , it comes vp all at dinner : and as long as that lasts , the discourse is his . He is a great Plagiarie of Tauerne-wit : and comes to Sermons onely that he may talke of Austin . His Parcels are the meere scrapings frō Company , yet he complains at parting what time he has lost . He is wondrously capricious to seem a iudgement , and listens with a soure attention , to what he vnderstands not : He talkes much of Scaliger and Causabone , and the Iesuites , and prefers some vnheard-of Dutch name before them all . He has verses to bring in vpon these and these hints , and it shall goe hard but he will wind in his opportunity . He is criticall in a language hee cannot conster , and speaks seldome vnder Arminius in Diuinity . His businesse and retirement and caller away is his Study , and he protests no delight to it comparable . Hee is a great Nomen-clator of Authors , which hee has read in generall in the Catalogue , and in particular in the Title , and goes seldome so farre as the Dedication . Hee neuer talkes of any thing , but learning , and learnes all from talking . Three incounters with the same men pumpe him , and then hee onely puts in , or grauely sayes no thing . He has taken paines to be an Asse , though not to be a Scholler , and is at length discouered and laught at . 34. A Shop-keeper . HIs Shop is his wel stuft Booke , and himselfe the Title-page of it , or Index . Hee vtters much to all men , though he sels but to a few , and intreates for his owne necessities by asking others what they lacke . No man speakes more and no more , for his words are like his Wares , twentie of one sort , and he goes ouer them alike to all commers . He is an arrogant commender of his owne things ; for whatsoeuer hee shewes you , is the best in the Towne , though the worst in his Shop . His Conscience was a thing , that would haue layde vpon his hands , and he was forc't to put it off : and makes great vse of honestie to professe vpon . Hee tels you lyes by rote , and not minding , as the Phrase to sell in , and the Language hee spent most of his yeeres to learne . He neuer speakes so truely , as when hee sayes hee would vse you as his Brother , for hee would abuse his Brother ; & in his Shop , thinkes it lawfull . His Religion is much in the nature of his Customers , and indeed the Pander to it : and by a misinterpreted sense of Scripture makes a gaine of his Godlinesse . Hee is your slaue while you pay him ready Money , but if hee once be-friend you , your Tyrant , and you had better deserue his hate then his trust . 35. A handsome Hostesse . IS the fairer commendation of an Inne , aboue the faire Signe or faire Lodgings . She is the Loadstone that attracts men of Iron , Gallants and Roarers , where they cleaue sometimes long , and are not easily got off . Her Lips are your wel-come , and your entertainement her companie , which is put into the reckoning too , and is the dearest parcell in it ▪ No Citizens wife is demurer then shee at the first greeting , nor drawes in her mouth with a chaster simper , but you may be more familiar without distaste , and shee do's not startle at Baudrie . She is the confusion of a Pottle of Sacke more then would haue beene spent els-where , and her little Iugs are accepted , to haue her Kisse excuse them . Shee may be an honest woman , but is not beleeu'd so in her Parish , and no man is a greater In fidel in it then her Husband . 36. A Blunt Man. IS one whose wit is better pointed then his behauiour , and that course , and Impollisht not out of ignorance so much as humour . He is a great enemy to the fine Gentleman , and these things of Complement , and hates ceremonie in conuersation , as the Puritan in Religion . Hee distinguishes not betwixt faire and double-dealing , and suspects all smoothnesse for the dresse of knauerie . Hee starts at the encounter of a Salutation , as an assault , and beseeches you in choller to forbeare your courtesie . Hee loues not any thing in Discourse that comes before the purpose , and is alwaies suspicious of a Preface . Himselfe fals rudely still on his matter without any circumstance , except hee vse an old Prouerbe for an Introduction . He sweares olde out of date innocent othes , as by the Masse , by our Ladie , and such like ; and though there bee Lords present , hee cryes my Masters . Hee is exceedingly in loue with his Humour , which makes him alwayes professe and proclaime it , and you must take what he sayes patiently , because he is a plaine man. His nature is his excuse still and other mens Tyrant for hee must speake his mind , and that is his worst , and craues your perdon most iniuriously for not Pardoning you . His Iests best become him , because they come from him rudely and vnaffected : and hee has the lucke commonly to haue them famous . Hee is one that will doe more then he will speake , and yet speake more then hee will heare : for though hee loue to touch others , hee is teachy himselfe , and seldome to his own abuses replyes but with his Fists . Hee is as squeazie of his commendations as his courtesie , and his good word is like an Elogie in a Satyre . Hee is generally better fauour'd then hee fauours , as being commonly well expounded in his bitternesse , and no man speaks treason more securely . Hee chides great men with most boldnesse , and is counted for it an honest fellow . Hee is grumbling much in the behalfe of the Common-wealth , and is in Prison oft for it with credit . Hee is generally honest , but more generally thought so , and his downe-rightnesse credits him , as a man not wel bended and crookned to the times . In conclusion , hee is not easily bad , in whom this qualitie is Nature , but the counterfeit is most dangerous since he is disguis'd in a humour , that professes not to disguise . 37. A Criticke . IS one that has speld ouer a great many of Bookes , and his obseruation is the Orthographie . Hee is the Surgeon of old Authors , and heales the wounds of dust and ignorance . He conuerses much in fragments and Desunt multa's , and if he piece it vp with two Lines , he is more proud of that Booke then the Authour . Hee runnes ouer all Sciences to peruse their Syntaxis , and thinkes all Learning compris'd in writing Latine . Hee tastes Styles , as some discreeter Palats doe Wine ; and tels you which is Genuine , which Sophisticate and bastard . His owne Phrase is a Miscellanie of old words , deceas'd long before the Caesars , and entoomb'd by Varro , and the modern'st man hee followes is Plautus . Hee writes Omneis at length , and quidquid , and his Gerund is most inconformable . Hee is a trouble troublesome vexer of the dead , which after so long sparing must rise vp to the Iudgement of his castigations . He is one that makes all Bookes sell dearer , whilst he swels them into Folio's with his Comments . 38. A Sergeant or Catch-pole . IS one of Gods Iudgement ; and which our Roarers doe onely conceiue terrible . Hee is the properest shape wherein they fancie Satan ; for hee is at most but an Arrester , and Hell a Dungeon . Hee is the Creditors Hawke , wherewith they seaze vpon flying Birds , and fetch them againe in his Tallons . He is the Period of young Gentlemen , or their full stop , for when hee meetes with them they can goe no farther . His Ambush is a Shop-Stall , or close Lane , and his Assault is cowardly at your backe . Hee respites you in no place but a Tauerne , where hee sels his Minutes dearer then a Clocke-maker . The common way to runne from him , is through him , which is often attempted and atchieued , and no man is ofter beaten out of Chatitie . Hee is one makes the streete more dangerous then the High-wayes , and men goe better prouided in their walkes then their Iourney . Hee is the first handsell of the young Rapiers of the Templers , and they are as proud of his repulse , as an Hungarian of killing a Turke . He is a moueable Prison , and his hands two Manacles hard to be fil'd off . He is an occasioner of di●loyal thoughts in the Common-wealth , for he makes men hate the Kings Name worse then the Deuils . 37. A weake Man. IS one whom Nature huddled vp in hast , and left his best part vnfinish't . The rest of him is growne to bee a man , onely his braine stayes behind . Hee is a man that ha's not improou'd his first rudiments , nor attain'd any proficiencie by his stay in the world : but wee may speake of him yet as when hee was in the budde a good harmelesse nature , a well meaning mind , if hee could order his intentions . It is his misery that hee now most wants a Tutor , and is too old to haue one . Hee is two steps aboue a foole , and a great many mo below a wise-man : yet the foole is oft giuen him , and by those whom he esteems most . Some tokens of him are . He loues men better vpon relation then experience : for he is exceedingly enamour'd of Strangers , and none quicklier a weary of his friend . Hee charges you at first meeting with all his secrets , and on better acquaintance growes more reseru'd . Indeed he is one that mistakes much his abusers for friends , and his friends for enemies , and hee apprehends your hate in nothing so much , as in good counsell . One that is flexible with any thing but reason , and then only peruerse ; & you may better intice then perswade him . A seruant to euery tale and flatterer , & whom the last man still works ouer . A great affecter of wits and such pretinesses ; and his company is costly to him , for he seldom ha's it but inuited . His friendship commonly is begun in a supper and lost in lending money . The Tanerne is a dangerous place to him , for to drinke and to be drunke , is with him all one , and his braine is sooner quenchd then his thirst . He is drawn into naughtines with company , but suffers alone , and the Bastard commonly laid to his charge . One that will bee patiently abus'd , and take exceptions a Moneth after when he vnderstands it , and then not endeare him more then by coozening him , and it is a temptation to those that would not . One discouerable in all sillinesses to all men but himselfe , & you may take any mans knowledge of him better then his owne . Hee will promise the same thing to twentie , and rather then denie one breake with all . One that ha's no power o're himselfe , o're his businesse , o're his friends : but a prey and pitie to all : and if his fortunes once sinke , men quickly crie alas , and forget him . 40. A Tobacco-seller . IS the onely man that finds good in it which others brag of , but doe not ; for it is meate , drinke , and clothes to him . No man opens his ware with greater seriousnesse , or challenges your iudgement more in the approbation . His Shop is the Randeuous of spitting , where men dialogue with their noses , and their communication is smoke . It is the place onely where Spaine is commended and prefer'd before England it selfe . He should be well experienc'd in the world : for he ha's daily tryall of mens nostrils , and none is better acquainted with humors . Hee is the piecing commonly of some other trade , which is bawd to his Tobacco , and that to his wife , which is the flame that followes this smoke . 41. A plausible Man. IS one that would faine run an eeuen path in the world , and iutt against no man. His endeuour is not to offend , and his ayme the generall opinion . His conuersation is a kind of continued Complement , and his life a practise of manners . The relation hee beares to others , a kind of fashionable respect , not friendship , but friendlines , which is equall to all and 〈…〉 and his kindnesses seldome exceed courtesies . Hee loues not deeper mutualities , because hee would not take sides , nor hazard himselfe on displeasures , which he principally auoids . At your first acquaintance with him he is exceeding kind and friendly , and at your twentieth meeting after but friendly still . He has an excellent command ouer his patience and tongue , especially the last , which hee accommodates alwayes to the times and persons , and speakes seldome what is sincere , but what is ciuill . He is one that vses al companies , drinkes all healths , and is reasonable coole in all Religions . He can listen to a foolish discourse with an applausiue attention , and conceale his Laughter at Non-sense . Silly men much honour and esteeme him , because by his faire reasoning with them as with men of vnderstanding , he puts them into an erroneous opinion of them selues , and makes them forwarder heereafter to their owne discouerie . He is one rather well thought on then belou'd , and that loue hee ha's is more of whole companies together then any one in particular . Men gratifie him notwithstanding with a good report , and what euer vices he ha's besides , yet hauing no enemies , he is sure to be an honest fellow . 42. The Worlds wise Man. IS an able and sufficient wicked man , it is a proofe of his sufficiency that hee is not called wicked , but wise . A man wholy determin'd in himselfe and his owne ends , and his instruments herein any thing that will doe it . His friends are a part of his engines , and as they serue this worke , vs'd or laid by . Indeed hee knowes not this thing of friend , but if hee giue you the name , it is a signe he ha's a plot on you . Neuer more actiue in his businesses , then when they are mixt with some harme to others : and t is his best play in this Game to strike off and lie in the place . Sucsessfull commonly in these vndertakings , because he passes smoothly those rubs which others stumble at , as Conscience and the like : and gratulates himselfe much in this aduantage : Oathes and falshood he counts the neerest way , and loues not by any meanes to goe about . Hee has many fine quips at this folly of plaine dealing , but his tush is greatest at Religion , yet hee vses this too , and Vertue , and good Words , but is lesse dangerously a Diuel then a Saint . He ascribes all honestie to an vnpractis'dnesse in the World : and Conscience a thing meerely for Children . Hee scornes all that are so silly to trust him , and onely not scornes his enemie ; especially if as bad as himselfe : He feares him as a man well arm'd , and prouided , but sets boldly on good natures , as the most vanquishable . One that seriously admires those worst Princes , as Sforza , Borgia , and Richard the Third : and cals matters of deepe villany things of difficultie . To whom murders are but resolute Acts , and Treason a businesse of great consequence . One whom two or three Countries make vp to this compleatnesse , and he ha's traueld for the purpose . His deepest indearment is a communication of mischiefe , and then onely you haue him fast . His conclusion is commonly one of these two , either a Great Man , or hang'd . 43. A Bowle Alley . IS the place where there are three things throwne away beside Bowls , to wit , time , money and curses , and the last ten for one . The best Sport in it is the Gamesters , and he enioyes it that lookes on and bets not . It is the Schoole of wrangling , and worse then the Schooles , for men will cauill heere for an haires breadth , and make a stirre where a straw would end the controuersie . No Anticke , screwes mens bodies into such strange flexures , and you would think them senslesse , to speak sense to to their Bowle , and put their trust in intreaties for a good cast . The Betters are the factious noise of the Alley , or the gamesters beadsmen that pray for them . They are somewhat like those that are cheated by great Men , for they lose their mony & must say nothing . It is the best discouery of humors , especially in the losers , where you haue fine variety of impatience , whilst some fret , some raile , some sweare , and others more ridiculously comfort themselues with Philosophy . To giue you the Morall of it ; It is the Em●leme of the world , or the worlds ambition : where most are short , or ouer , or wide or wrong-Byas'r , and some few iustle in to the Mistris Fortune . And it is here as in the Court , where the nearest are most spighted , and all blowes aym'd at the Toucher . 44. A Surgeon . IS one that has some businesse about his Building or little house of man , whereof Nature is as it were the Tyler , and hee the Playsterer . It is ofter out of reparations , then an old Parsonage , and then he is set on worke to patch it againe . Hee deales most with broken Commodities , as a broken Head , or a mangled face , and his gaines are very ill got , for he liues by the hurts of the Common-wealth . He differs from a Physitian as a sore do's from a disease , or the sicke from those that are not whole , the one distempers you within , the other blisters you without . He complaines of the decay of Valour in these daies , and sighes for that slashing Age of Sword and Buckler ; and thinkes the Law against Duels , was made meerly to wound his Vocation . Hee had beene long since vndone , if the charitie of the Stewes had not relieued him , from whom he ha's his Tribute as duely as the Pope , or a wind-fall sometimes from a Tauerne , if a quart Pot hit right . The rarenesse of his custome maks him pittilesse when it comes : and he holds a Patient longer then our Courts a Cause . Hee tels you what danger you had beene in if he had staide but a minute longer , and though it bee but a prickt finger , hee makes of it much matter . He is a reareasonable cleanely man , considering the Scabs hee ha's to deale with , & your finest Ladies now and then are beholding to him for their best dressings . Hee curses old Gentlewomen , and their charity that maks his Trade their Almes : but his enuie is neuer stir'd so much as when Gentlemen goe ouer to sight vpon Calice Sands , whome hee wishes drown'd ere they come there , rather then the French shall get his Custome . 45. A Shee-precise . Hypocrite . IS one in whom good Women suffer , and haue their truth mis-interpreted by her folly . She is one , she knows not what her selfe if you aske her , but shee is indeed one that ha's taken a toy at the fashion of Religion , and is enamour'd of the Newfangle . See is a Nonconformist in a close Stomacher and Ruffe of Geneua Print , and her puritie consists much in her Linnen . Shee ha's heard of the Rag of Rome , and thinkes it a very sluttish Religion , and rayles at the Whore of Babylon for a very naughty Woman . Shee ha's left her Virginity as a Relique of Popery , and marries in her Tribe without a Ring . Her deuotion at the Church is much in the turning vp of her eye , and turning downe the lease in her Booke when shee heares nam'd Chapter and Verse . When she comes home , shee commends the Sermon for the Scripture , and two houres . She loues Preaching better then Praying , and of Preachers Lecturers , and thinkes the Weeke-dayes Exercise farre more edifying then the Sundaies . Her oftest Gossippings are Sabaoth-dayes iourneyes , where ( though an enemy to Superstition ) shee will goe in Pilgrimage fiue mile to a silenc'd Minister , when there is a better Sermon in her owne Parish . Shee doubts of the Virgin Marie's Saluation , and dare not Saint her , but knowes her own place in heauen as perfectly , as the Pew shee ha's a key to . Shee is so taken vp with Faith , shee ha's no roome for Charity , and vnderstands no good Workes , but what are wrought on the Sampler . She accounts nothing Vices but Superstition , and an Oath , and thinkes Adultery a lesse sinne , then to sweare by my Truely . Shee rayles at other Women by the names of Iezabel and Dalilah : and calls her owne daughters Rebecka and Abigail , and not Anne but Hannah . She suffers them not to learne on the Virginalls , because of their affinity with the Organs , but is reconcil'd to the Bells for the Chymes sake , since they were reform'd to the tune of a Psalme . She ouer flowes so with the Bible , that she spils it vpon euery occasion , and wil not Cudgell her Maides without Scripture . It is a question whether shee is more troubled with the Diuell or the Diuell with her : shee is alwayes challenging and daring him , and her weapons are Spels no lesse potent then different , as being the sage Sentences of some of her owne Sectaries . No thing angers her so much as that Woemen cannot Preach , and in this point onely thinkes the Brownist erroneous : but what shee cannot at the Church , shee do's at the Table , where she prattles more then any against sense , and Antichrist , till a Capon wing silence her . Shee expounds the Priests of Baal Reading Ministers , and thinkes the Saluation of that Parish as desperate as the Turkes . Shee is a maine derider to her capacitie of those that are not her Preachers , and censures all Sermons but bad ones . If her Husband be a Tradsman , shee helpes him to Customers , how soeuer to good cheere , and they are a most faithfull couple at these meetings , for they neuer faile . Her Conscience is like others Lust neuer satisfied , and you might better answere Scotus then her Scruples . Shee is one that thinkes shee performes all her duty to God in hearing , and shewes the fruits of it in talking . Shee is more fiery against the May-pole then her Husband , and thinkes he might doe a Phinehas his act to break the pate of the Fiddler . She is an euerlasting Argument ; but I am weary of her . 46. A Contemplatiue Man. IS a Scholler in this great Vniuersity the World ; and the same his Booke and Study . Hee cloysters not his Meditations in the narrow darknesse of a Roome , but sends them abroad with his Eyes , and his Braine trauels with his Feete . He looks vpon Man from a high Tower , and sees him trulyer at this distance in his Infirmities and poorenesse . He scornes to mixe himselfe in mens actions ; as he would to act vpon a Stage ; but sits aloft on the Scaffold a censuring Spectator . Nature admits him as a partaker of her Sports , and asks his approbation as it were of her owne Workes , and variety . Hee comes not in Company , because hee would not be solitary , but findes Discourse enough with himselfe , and his owne thoughts are his excellent play-fellowes . He lookes not vpon a thing as a yawning Stranger at nouelties ; but his search is more mysterious and inward , and hee spels Heauen out of earth . He knits his obseruations together , and makes a Ladder of them all to climbe to God. He is free from vice , because he has no occasion to imploy it , and is aboue those ends that make men wicked . He ha's learnt all can heere be taught him , and comes now to Heauen to see more . 47. An Aturney . HIs Ancient beginning was a blue coat , since a liuery , and his hatching vnder a Lawer ; whence though but pen-feather'd , hee hath now nested for himselfe , and with his horded pence purchast an Office . Two Deskes , and a quire of Pader set him vp , where he now sits in state for all commers . We can-call him no great Anthor , yet he writes very much , and with the infamy of the Court is maintain'd in his libels . Hee ha's some smatch of a Scholler , and yet vses Latine very hardly , and le●t it should accuse him , cuts it off in the midst , and will not let it speake , out . He is contrary to great men , maintained by his followers , that is his poore country Clients , that worship him more then their Landlord , and be there neuer such churles , he lookes for their curtesie . He first racks them soundly himselfe , and then deliuers them to the Lawier for execution . His looks are very solicitous importing much hast and dispatch , he is neuer without his hanfull of businesse , that is , of paper . His skin becomes at last as dry as his parchment and his face as intricate as the most winding cause . He talkes Statutes as fiercely , as if he had mooted seuen yeers in the Inns of Court ; when all his skill is stucke in his girdle , or in his office window . Strife and wrangling haue made him rich , and he is thankfull to his benefactor , and nourishes it . If he liue in a Country village , he makes all his neighbours good Subiects ; for there shall be nothing done but what there is law for . His businesse giues him not leaue to thinke of his conscience , and when the time , or terme of his life is going out , for Doomes-day he is secure ; for he hopes he has a tricke to reuerse iudgement . 48. A Scepticke in Religion . IS one that hangs in the ballance with all sorts of opinions , whereof not one but stirres him and none swayes him . A man guiltier of credulity then he is taken to bee ; for it is out of his beleefe of euery thing , that hee fully beleeues nothing . Each Religion scarres him from it's contrary : none perswades him to it selfe . Hee would be wholy a Christian , but that he is something of an Atheist , and wholy an Atheist , but that hee is partly a Christian ; and a perfect Heretick , but that there are so many to distract him . He finds reason in all opinions , truth in none : indeed the least reason perplexes him , and the best will not satisfie him . He is at most a confus'd and wild Christian , not specializ'd , by any forme , but capable of all . He vses the Lands Religion , because it is next him , yet he sees not why hee may not take the other , but he chuses ●his , not as better , but because there is not a pin to choose . He finds doubts and sernples better then resolues them , and is alwayes too hard for himselfe . His Learning is too much for his brayne ; and his iudgment too little for his learning , and his oueropinion of both spoyls all Pity it was his mischance of being a Scholler ; for it do's only distract and irregulate him & the world by him . He hammers much in generall vpon our opinions vncertainety , and the possibility of erring makes him not venture on what is true . He is troubled at this naturalnesse of Religion to Countries , that Protestantisme should bee borne so in England and Popery abroad , and that fortune and the Starres should so much share in it . He likes not this connexion of the Common-weale , and Diuinity , and feares it may be an Arch-practice of State. In our differences with Rome he is strangely vnfix't , and a new man euery new day , as his last discourse-books Meditations transport him . Hee could like the gray haires of Poperie , did not some dotages there stagger him ; hee would come to vs sooner , but our new name affrights him . He is taken with their Miracles but doubts an imposture ; hee conceiues of our Doctrine better ; but it seemes too empty and naked . He cannot driue into his fancy the circumscription of Truth to our corner , and is as hardly perswaded to thinke their old Legends true . He approues wel of our Faith , and more of their workes , and is sometimes much affected at the zeale of Amsterdam . His conscience interposes it selfe betwixt Duellers , and whillst it would part both , is by both wounded . He will somtimes propend much to vs vpon the reading a good Writer , and at Bellarmine recoyles as farre backe againe ; and the Fathers iustle him from one side to another Now Sosinaas and Vorstius afr●sh torture him , and he agrees with none worse then himselfe . He puts his foot into Heresies tenderly as a Cat in the water , and pulls it out againe , and still something vnanswer'd delayes him yet he beares away some parcell of each , and you may sooner picke all Religions out of him then one , He cannot thinke so many wise men should be in error , nor so many honest men out of the way and his wounder is dubled , when he sees these oppose one annother . He hates authority as the Tyrant of reason , and you cannot anger him worse then with a Fathers dixit , and yet that many are not perswaded with reason , shall authorize his doubt . In summe , his whole life is a question , and his saluation a greater , which death onely concludes , and then he is resolu'd . 47. A Partiall Man. IS the opposite extreame to a Defamer , for the one speakes ill falsly , and the other well , and both slander the Truth . He is one that is still weighing men in the Scale of Comparisons , and puts his affection in the one ballance , and that swayes . His friend alwayes shall doe best , and you shall rarely heare good of his enemy . Hee considers first the man , and then the thing , and restraines all merit to what they deserue of him . Commendations hee esteemes not the debt of Worth , but the requitall of kindnesse : and if you aske his reason , shewes his Interest , and tels you how much he is beholding to that Man. Hee is one that ties his iudgement to the Wheele of Fortune , and they determine giddily both alike . He preferres England before other Countries , because he was borne there , and Oxford before other Vniuersities , because hee was brought vp there , and the best Scholler there , is one of his owne Colledge and the best Schooler there is one of his friends . Hee is a great fauourer of great persons , and his argument is still that which should bee Antecedent , as he is in high place , therefore vertuous , he is prefer'd , therefore worthy . Neuer aske his opinion , for you shall heare but his faction , and he is indifferent in nothing but Conscience . Men esteeme him for this a zealous affectionate , but they mistake him many times , for hee does it but to bee esteemed so . Of all men hee is worst to write an Historie , for hee will praise a Seianus or Tiberius , and for some pettie respect of his all posteritie shall bee cosen'd . 50. A Trumpeter . IS the Elephant with the great Trunke , for hee eates nothing but what comes through this way . His Profession is not so worthy as to occasion insolence , and yet no man so much puft vp . His face is as Brazen as his Trumpet , and ( which is worse ) as a Fidlers , from whom hee differeth onely in this , that his impudence is dearer . The Sea of Drinke , and much wind make a Storme perpetually in his Cheeks , and his looke is like his noyse , blustering and tempestuous . Hee wa's whilome the sound of Warre , but now of Peace ; yet as terrible as euer , for wheresoere hee comes they are sure to pay for 't . He is the common attendant of glittering folkes , whether in the Court or Stage , where he is alwaies the Prologues Prologue . He is somewhat in the nature of a Hogshed shrillest when he is empty ; when his belly is full hee is quiet enough . No man proues life more to bee a blast , or himselfe a bubble , and he is like a counterfeit Bankrupt , thriues best when he is blowne vp . 50. A vulgar-spirited Man. IS one of the heard of World. One that followes meerely the common crye , and makes it louder by one . A man that loues none but who are publikely affected , and he will not be wiser then the rest of the Towne . That neuer ownes a friend after an ill name , or some generall imputation though he knowes it most vnworthy . That opposes to reason , Thus men say , and thus most doe , and thus the world goes , and thinkes this enough to poyse the other . That worships men in place , and those onely , and thinkes all a great man speakes Oracles . Much taken with my Lords I●st , and repeats you it all to a sillable . One that iustifies nothing out of fashion , nor any opinion out of the applauded way . That thinkes certainly all Spaniards and Iesuites very villaines , and is still cursing the Pope and Spynola . One that thinkes the grauest Cassocke the best Scholler : and the best Clothes the finest man. That is taken onely with broad and obscoene wit , and hisses any thing too deepe for him . That cries Chaucer for his Money aboue all our English Poets , because the voice ha's gone so , and hee ha's read none . That is much rauisht with such a Noble-mans courtesie , and would venture his life for him , because he put off his Hat. One that is formost still to kisse the Kings hand , and cries God blesse his Maiestie loudest . That rayles on all men condemn'd and out of fauour , and the first that sayes away with the Traytors : yet struck with much ruth at Executions , and for pittie to see a man die , could kill the Hang-man . That comes to London to see it , and the pretty things in it , and the chiefe cause of his iourney the Beares : That measures the happinesse of the Kingdome , by the cheapnesse of corne ; and conceiues no harme of State , but il trading . Within this compasse too , come those that are too much wedg'd into the world , and haue no lifting thoughts aboue those things that call to thriue , to doe well , and Preferment onely the grace of God. That ayme all Studies at this marke , & shew you poore Schollers as an example to take heed by . That thinke the Prison and want , a Iudgement for some sin , and neuer like well hereafter of a Iayle-bird . That know no other Content but wealth , brauery , and the Towne-Pleasures ; that thinke all else but idle speculation , and the Philosophers , mad-men : In short , men that are carried away with all outwardnesses , shews , appearances , the streame , the people ; for there is no man of worth but has a piece of singularity , and scornes something . 32. A Herald . IS the spawne , or indeed but the resultancie of Nobility , and to the making of him went not a Generation , but a Genealogie . His Trade is Honour , and hee sells it , and giues Armes himselfe , though hee be no Gentleman . His bribes are like those of a corrupt Iudge , for they are the prices of blood . He seemes very rich in discourse , for he tels you of whole fields of gold and siluer , Or & Argent , worth much in French , but in English nothing . He is a great diuer in the streames or issues of Gentrie , and not a by-Channell of bastard escapes him , yet he dos with them like some shamelesse Queane , fathers more children on them , then euer they begot . His Trafficks is a kind of Pedlery ware , Scutchions , and Pennons and little Daggers , and Lyons , such as Children esteeme and Gentlemen : but his peni-worths are rampant , for you may buy three whole Brawns cheaper , then three Boars heads of him painted . Hee was somtimes the terrible Coat of Mars , but is now for more mercifull Battels in the Tilt-yard , where whosoeuer is victorious , the spoiles are his . Hee is an Art in England , but in Wales Nature , where they are borne with Heraldry in their mouthes , and each Name is a Pedegree . 52. A Plodding Student . IS a kind of Alchymist or , Persecurer of Nature , that would change the dull lead of his Brain into finer mettle with successe , many times as vnprosperous , or at least not quitting the cost , to wit , of his owne Oyle and Candles . He ha's a strange forc't appetite to Learning , and to atchieue it brings nothing but patience and a body . His Studie is not great but continuall , and consists much in the sitting vp till after Midnight in a Rug-gowne , and a Night-cap to the vanquishing perhaps of some sixe lines : yet what hee ha's , he ha's perfect , for he reads it so long to vnderstand it , till he gets it without Booke . Hee may with much industry make a breach into Logicke , and ariue at some ability in an Argument : but for politer Studies hee dare not skirmish with them , and for Poetry accounts it impregnable . His Inuention is no more then the finding out of his Papers , and his few gleanings there , and his disposition of them is as iust as the Book-binders , a setting or glewing of them together . Hee is a great discomforter of young Students , by telling them what trauell it ha's cost him , and how often his braine turn'd at Philosophy , and makes others feare Studying as a cause of Duncery . Hee is a man much giuen to Apothegms which serue him for wit , and seldome breakes any Iest , but which belong'd to some Lacedemonian or Romane in Lycosthenes . He is like a dull Cariers horse , that will go a whole weeke together but neuer out of a foot-pace : and hee that sets forth on the Saturday shall ouertake him . 53. Pauls Walke . IS the Lands Epitome , or you may call it the lesser Ile of Great Brittaine . It is more then this , the whole worlds Map , which you may here discerne in it's perfect'st motion iustling and turning . It is a heape of stones and men , with a vast confusion of Languages , and were the Steeple not sanctifyed nothing liker Babel . The noyse in it is like that of Bees , a strange humming or buzze , mixt of walking , tongues , and feet : It is a kind of still roare or loud whisper . It is the great Exchange of all discourse , & no busines whatsoeuer but is here stirring and a foot . It is the Synod of all pates politicke , ioynted and laid together in most serious posture , and they are not halfe so busie at the Parliament . It is the Anticke of tailes to tailes , and backes to backes , and for vizards you need goe no further then faces . It is the Market of young Lecturers , whom you may cheapen here at all rates and sizes . It is the generall Mint of all famous lies , which are here like the legends of Popery , first coyn'd & stampt in the Church . All inuentions are emptyed here , and not few pockets . The best signe of a Temple in it is , that it is the Theeues Sanctuary , which robbe more safely in the Croud , then a wildernesse , whilst euery searcher is a bush to hide them . It is the other expence of the day , after Playes , Tauerne , and a Baudy-House , and men haue still some Oathes left to sweare here . It is the eares Brothell , and satisfies their lust , and ytch . The Visitants are all men without exceptions , but the principall Inhabitants and possessors , are stale Knights , and Captaines out of Seruice , men of long Rapiers , and Breeches , which after all turne Merchants here , and trafficke for Newes . Some make it a Preface to their Dinner , and Trauell for a Stomacke : but thriftier men make it their Ordinarie : and Boord here verie cheape . Of all such places it is least haunted with Hobgoblins , for if a Ghost would walke more , hee could not . 54. A Vniuersitie Dunne . IS a Gentlemans follower cheaply purchas'd , for his own money ha's hyred him . Hee is an inferiour Creditour of some ten shillings or downwards , contracted for Horse-hire , or perchance for drinke , to weake to bee put in Suite . and he arrests your modesty . Hee is now very expensiue of his time , for hee will waite vpon your Staires a whole Afternoone , and dance attendance with more patience then a Gentleman-Vsher . Hee is a sore beleaguerer of Chambers , and assaults them sometimes with furious knockes : yet finds strong resistance commonly , and is kept out . Hee is a great complayner of Schollers loytering , for hee is sure neuer to find them within , and yet hee is the chiefe cause many times that makes them studie . He Grumbles at the in Gratitude of men , that shunne him for his kindnesse , but indeed it is his owne fault , for hee is too great an vpbrayder . No man put them more to their braine then hee : and by shifting him off they learne to shift in the world . Some choose their roomes a purpose to auoide his surprizals , and thinke the best commoditie in them his Prospect . Hee is like a reiected acquaintance , hunts those that care not for his company , and hee knowes it well enough ; and yet will not keepe away . The sole place to supply him is the Butterie , where hee takes grieuous vse vpon your Name , and hee is one much wrought with good Beere and Rhetoricke . He is a man of most vnfortunate voyages , and no Gallant walkes the streets to lesse purpose . 55. A stayed Man. IS a man. One that ha's taken order with himselfe , and set a rule to those lawlesnesses within him . Whose life is distinct and in Method , and his Actions as it were cast vp before . Not loos'd into the Worlds vanities , but gathered vp and contracted in his station . Not scatter'd into many pieces of businesses , but that one course he takes , goes thorough with . A man firme and standing in his purposes , nor heau'd off with each wind and passion . That squares his expence to his Coffers , and makes the Totall first , and then the Items . One that thinkes what hee does , and does what he sayes , and forsees what he may doe , before he purposes . One whose ( if I can ) is more then anothers assurance , and his doubtfull tale before some mens protestations . That is confident of nothing in futurity , yet his coniectures oft true Prophecies . That makes a pause still betwixt his ●are and beleefe , and is not too hasty to say after others : One whose Tongue is strung vp like a Clocke till the time , and then strikes , and sayes much when hee talkes little . That can see the Truth betwixt two wranglers , and sees them agree euen in that they fall out vpon . That speakes no Rebellion in a brauery , or talkes bigge from the spirit of Sacke . A man coole and temperate in his passions , not easily betraid by his choller : That vies not oath with oath , nor heat with heat : but replies calmly to an angry man , and is too hard for him too . That can come fairely off from Captaines companies , and neither drink nor quarrell . One whom no ill hunting fends home discontented , and makes him sweare at his dogs and family . One not hasty to pursue the new Fashion , nor yet affectedly true to his old round Breeches . But grauely handsome , & to his place , which suites him better then his Tailor . Actiue in the world without disquiet , and carefull without miserie : yet neither ingu●●● in his pleasures , nor a seeker of businesse , but ha's his houres for both . A man that seldome laughes violently , but his mirth is a cheerefull looke . Of a compos'd end setled countenance , not set , nor much alterable with sadnesse or ioy . He affects nothing so wholy , that hee must bee a miserable man when he loses it : but forethinks what will come hereafter , and spares Fortune his thanks and curses . One that loues his Credit , not this word Reputation ; yet can saue both without a Duell : whose entertainments to greater men are respectfull not complementary , and to his friends plaine not rude . A good Husband , Father , Master : that is without doting , pampring , familiarity . A man well poys'd in all humours , in whom Nature shwed most Geometry , and hee ha's not spoyl'd the worke . A man of more wisedome then wittinesse , and braine then fancy ; and abler to any thing then to make Verses . FINIS .