Enigmaticall characters, all taken to the life from severall persons, humours, & dispositions by Rich. Fleckno. Flecknoe, Richard, d. 1678? This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A39706 of text R18248 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing F1213). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 143 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 77 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A39706 Wing F1213 ESTC R18248 12039544 ocm 12039544 52959 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A39706) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 52959) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 67:25) Enigmaticall characters, all taken to the life from severall persons, humours, & dispositions by Rich. Fleckno. Flecknoe, Richard, d. 1678? [8], 125 [i.e. 135], [3] p. s.n.], [London : 1658. Place of publication from Wing. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. eng Characters and characteristics. A39706 R18248 (Wing F1213). civilwar no Enigmaticall characters, all taken to the life, from severall persons, humours, & dispositions. By Rich. Fleckno. Flecknoe, Richard 1658 25074 22 0 0 0 0 0 9 B The rate of 9 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. 2003-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-08 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-09 Rina Kor Sampled and proofread 2003-09 Rina Kor Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Enigmaticall CHARACTERS , ALL Taken to the Life , from severall PERSONS , HUMOURS , & DISPOSITIONS . By Rich. Fleckno . Anno Dom. M. D.C.LVIII . To her Highnesse BEATRIX Dutchesse of Loreine . Madame , To whom should I Dedicate these Characters but only to your Highnesse , from whom I 've tane all the most Noble and Excellent ; besides Madam , I ow not only to your Highness the delicious leasure I had in writing them . But if I seem to surpass mediocrity , and approach somewhat nigh perfection , that Madame , I ow unto you Highness too , mediocrity in perfection being never where you are ; nor can one think of any thing but excellent beholding you ; owing this Work then to your Highnes by so many names ; Permit me I beseech you , Madam , withall Humility to offer it at your feet , together with my self , with the Protestation of being all my Life , Madame , Your Highnesses most humble most obliged and most devoted , Rich. Fleckno . To the Curious Reader . T Is you 'l dull Reader , and preoccupated judgment ; not your curious and those have judgements of their own , whom I apprehend in publishing these characters , made lately , with all the advantages and helps , noblest , company , Divertisments , and accommodation could afford , to quicken the wit , heighten the fancy , and delight the mind , whose main designe is ( as you 'l perceive ) to honour Nobility , praise Vertue , tax Vice , laugh at folly , and pitty Ignorance . And what wouldst thou give for the Key now of these Characters ? but prithie do'nt break the lock , with tampering to pick it open . To prevent which violence , know that for all the more noble ones , the persons I intend by them are easily to be known ( they being so extraordinary rare , they are almost singular in their kinde ) but for the other , it will be harder to know , whom I mean in particular , though easier in generall , they being so numerous and ordinary , as each one in their own knowledges , and imagination may find out a Key for them though a hundred to one , not the same I intended in making them . Judge freely then , so thou expose not me to the envy of it , nor obligation to answer for 't if thou judge amiss ; and as thou desirest to have a favourable Character made of thee , give a favourable one , of these Characters of mine . To his Worthy Friend Mr. Richard Fleckno upon his Characters . FLeckno , thy Characters are so full of wit And fancy , as each word is throng'd with it , Each line 's a volume , and who reads would swear , Whole Libraries were in each Character : Nor Arrows in a quiver struck , nor yet Lights in the Starry Skies are thicker set , Nor Quils upon the Armed Porcépine , Than wit and Fancy in this Work of thine . W. NEWCASTLE . To the same , On the same Characters . FLeckno , who reads thy Characters will finde , That they not onely entertain the minde , But with the minde , even every sence has part , Being like rich Cordials to rejoyce the heart , Or moved aire that Musick does excite , With numerous sounds to give the Eare delight , Or oderiferous Essences that gaine A gentle passage to refresh the Brain ; Whilest they with such variety are drest , As every Pallat findes a plenteous feast : And th' sighing Lover does refuse to look On 's Mistresse Eyes , when he beholds thy Book . W. NEWCASTLE . Enigmaticall Characters . CHARACTER . Of a Lady of excellent Conversation , YOu would not onely Imagine all the Muses , but all the Graces were in her too , whilest for matter , words , & manner she is all that is delightfull in Conversation ; her matter not stale and studied , but resent and occasional ; not stiff , but ductile and pliable to the company ; high not soaring , familiar not low , profound not obscure ; and the more sublime the more intelligible and conspicuous . Her Words not too scanty , nor too wide , but just fitted to her matter , not intricately involving , but clearly unfolding and explicating the notions of her minde . In Manner , Majestique , not imperious , conversation that 's a Tyranny , with others being a Common-wealth with her , where every ones discourse and opinions are free ; she never contradicting , but when any speak impertinently , only blushing for them , and saying no more : ( a greater reprehension to those , who understand blushing , than can be exprest in words , ) Having too much reason to call passion to her ayde , and disdaining to use force and violence ( the ordinary Arms of falshood ) to defend the Truth , so if you yeeld not , she does rather than contend , leaving you the shame of a victory , when with more honour , you might have yeelded and been overcome : Nor does she rashly take up Argument , and abruptly lay it down again ; but handsomely assume it ; delightfully continue it , and like an Aire in musick , just then , when the ear expects , it comes unto a close : All in her being sweet , delightfull and harmonious , even to the very Tone and Accent of her voice , it being more musick to hear her speak than others sing . Then shee s withall so easie Company , and far from all constraint , as t is pleasure to be in it : whilest others like uneasie garments , you cannot stir in without pain ; which renders her conversation far chearfuller then theirs who laugh more but smile lesse , spending more spirits with straining for an houres mirth than they can recover in a moneth again ; which renders them so unequall company , whilest she is alwayes equall and the same . True joy being a constant serious thing ; as far different from light and gigling mirth , as Elementall fire from squibs and Crackers ; whence she Prometheus-like inspire all who converse with her , with noble flame and spirit , none ever departing from her company but wiser and far better than they came . It being vertue to know her , wisdome to converse with her , Refinest breeding to observe her , joy to behold her , and a species of the beatitude of t' other life , onely to enjoy her Coversation in this . CHARACTER . Of one that is the foyle of good Conversation . HE is t' others Antipodes , & of a quite contrary Hemisphear : his matter or some stale Common-places , like cold meat grown nauseous with often repetition ; or else some new whimsies of his own , like French quelques choses , with no substance at all in them : his words or low , and creeping ( the very reptils of a language ) or so affectedly high and ramping , as if Eloquence stalkt and went on stilts : his manner every wayes ungratefull , in a tone harsh and untunable ; with Tempests in his mouth , and Lightning in his eyes , whilest he strains his voice to speak loudest in the company , and heats and grows red-hot presently , by force of Argument : impatient of contradiction , and contradicting every one ; so obstinate in his opinion , as Faith that removes mountains , can never remove him from 't : whence he frieghts all from his conversation ; their words ( just as in an enemies Country , in Garrison , daring not to stir out for fear of a surprize ) T is a Tyranny then to converse with him , none but slaves and parasites would endure ( content to swallow his words whilest they feed on him ) whose enduring it , makes him so intolerable to all besides , so as the wise avoid his company ( just as they would savage Beasts Tam'd , who unlesse you sooth and humour them are apt on every light occasion to start and break out to their native savagnes ) not always to be in feaver of such an Accident , and sick of his conversation ; has neither wit for discourse , breeding for civility , understanding to know it , nor patience to learn ; but by Pride , Obstinancy and Presumption is forfeited to perpetuall folly and ignorance . CHARACTER . Of an excellent Companion . HE is the life and spirit of the Company , that pines and droops without him , animating all with chearfulness , and is like sparkling liquor to your dull companion , that 's only dregs and lees ; his presence chases melancholly , as the Suns does clouds , and t is impossible to be sad in his company ; He differs from the Buffoon , as an excellent Comedy do's from the Farse , being pure wit , tother but foolery : He is never dry nor pumping , but alwayes full and flowing ; his returns and reparties so quick , opposite and gentile , t is pleasure to observe , how handsomely he acquits himself ; mean time he is neither scurrulous nor profane , but a good man as well as a good companion ; and so far a good fellow too , as hee 'le take a chearfull glasse or two ( your fine edged knives alwayes needing the whet-stone most ) whilest taking too many , is like whetting the edge quite away : he is the onely exorcist for the Melancholly Devill of the times ; and I imagine him just like David playing to Saul , and they just like Saul persecuting him : He seeming to your men of businesse to confer but little to the seriouser part of life ; yet he whets the knife of the serious man , and is to businesse as Musick to devotion , apting and disposing the mind to it afterwards , tho for the present delightfully , diverting it . In fine , he ows much of his good humour to his complexion , but much more to his company ( alwayes the best and noblest ) so he may be poor , but never want , or if he do , it is the fault of the times , and none of his , of which when he meets with a favourable conjunction , he is most commonly the Artisan of his own Fortune , making himself ( with a little industry ) afar better than others are born unto , being the darling of all your great ones , and nobler sort , the favourite of Kings , and companion for any Prince . CHARACTER . Of one that Zanys the good Companion . HE is a wit of an under Region , grosly imitating on the lower roap , what t' other do's neatly on the higher ; and is only for the laughter of the vulgar ; whilest your wiser and better sort can scarcely smile at him : He talks nothing but kennel-raked stuff , and his discourse is rather like fruit tane up rotten from the ground , than freshly gathered from the Tree . He is so far from a courtly wit , as his breeding seems only to have been i' th' Suburbs ; or at best , he seems onely graduated good companion in a Tavern ( the Bedlam of wits ) where men are mad rather than merry ; here one breaking a jest on the Drawer , or a Candestick : there an other repeating the old end of a Play , or some bawdy song ; this speaking bilke , that non-sense , whilest all with loud houting and laughter confound the Fidlers noise , who may well be call'd a noise indeed , for no Musick can be heard for them ; so whilest he utters nothing but old stories , long since laught thrid-bare , or some stale jest broken twenty times before : His mirth compared with theirs , new and at first-hand , is just like Brokers ware in comparison with Mercers , or Long-lane compar'd unto Cheap-side : his wit being rather the Hogs-heads than his own , favourring more of Heidelberg than of Hellicon , and he rather a drunken than a good companion . CHARACTER . Of one that imitates the good companion another way . HE is on , who now the stage is down Acts the Parasites part at Table ; and since Tailors death , none can play Mosco's part so well as he : he is alwayes for him who has best Wine & fare ( Body & Soul and all ) and sooths and humours them , even to be of the same opinion and Religion with them ( right or wrong , ) mean time although he be specially devoted to the Patron ; he praises the Cook , shakes the Butler by the hand , and is familiar with all the Waiters and Serving-men ; calling one Father , adopting another son , as they are of Age , or Office in the House ; though he be as pernitious in a Family , as Moaths , Cankers , or Poyson , to Mettle , Cloaths , or health ; corrupting his Patrons manners to render them more like his own , and impoisoning their ears with calumnying other men , only to ingrosse them wholly to himself : Mean time he is so ill natured , as to serve his end he will fawn on his deadliest enemies ; and those once served abuse his dearest friends ; equally treacherous both to friend and enemie ; for the rest , although with the ignorant , he passe for a good companion , t is no pure wit he utters , but only a mingly of clenches , quibbles , and such half-witted stuff he ( at best ) being rather a pump of others jests , Conceits , and Storys , than a Fountain of his own ; so he is presently draw dry ( after a meal or two ) when his mirth failing and waxing stale he is forced to fall to plain flattery , or they grow weary of him strait , as of dead Wine , pottage cold , or meat served up to the Table , more than once . CHARACTER . Of an irresolute Person . HE hovers in his choice , like an empty Ballance with no waight of Judgement to incline him to either scale ; he dodges with those he meets , nor he can ever resolve which way to let them passe : every thing he thinks on , is matter of deliberation , and he does nothing readily , but what he thinks not on : discourse that helps others out of laborinths , is a laborinth to him ; and he of all creatures would be far wiser , if he had none at all : he begins nothing without deliberation ; and when he begins to deliberate , never makes an end . Has some dull demon cryes , do not , do not still , when hee 's on point of doing any thing , which he obeys as a divine Revelation : He plays at shall I , shall I ? so long , till opertunity be past , and then as he did the fault , repents at leasure . He is enemy to Resolution , or rather as Resolution were enemy to him , his heart fails him ; and like a coward he turns back presently , at sight of it : He still misliking the present choice of things as Scoggan did his Tree to hang on : He could never Bet at Cocking nor Hors-race yet , because the battaile or race was alwayes done or he could delibrat which side to take , & he is only happy in this , that his irresolution hinders him from marrying and entring into Bonds : Nor i st ( perhaps ) the least part of his happinesse to be as long in choosing his Religion now , amongst so many new Sects , that sprout up every day ; though t is thought he is a Quaker ; and if he be superstitious withall , he is in for his wits , and next news you hear from him will be from Bedlam . CHARACTER . Of a Fantastique Lady . HEr life is a perpetuall contradiction , she would and she would not , and make ready the Coach , yet let it alone too ; drive to such a place , yet do not neither , Is her ordinary dialect : she differs from the irresolute , in that he is alwayes beginning , and she never makes an end ; she writes and blots out again , whilest he deliberates what to write : t'on being a resty , tother a restless pain : so you can tell what to make of ton's Negative , and how two Negatives make an Affimative ; but of her I and no together , you know not what to make , but only that she knows not what to make of it her self . Her head is just like a Mill , or Squirrels cage , and her minde the Squirrel that turns and whirls it round , and her imagination differs from others , as your Grotesque figures do from naturall and from grotesque ; In that these have some design in them , but her imagination has none : She never looking towards the end , but onely the beginning of things ; or if she does , forgets or disapproves it strait : For she will call in all hast for one , and have nothing to say to him when he is come ; and long ( nay dye ) for some toy or trifle , which having once , she grows weary of presently , and throws away . In fine , who are of one minde to day , and another tomorrow , are constant to her , and Saturns revolution compared unto the Moons ; For you know not where to have her a moment , and whosoever would hit her thoughts must shoot flying ; and fly themselves whosoever would follow her CHARACTER . Of a Green-sicknesse Girle . SHe is like a Mouse in a Holland Cheese , her house and diet all the same : whence the more she spends in her house , the worse house she keeps , the walls being both her Kitchen and Larder too , of which she eats so long , as she fulfills the old proverb at last , The weakest go to the walls : For which should they accuse her of Buglary , she has this commodity , she could never be starv'd in Prison , but whilest some eat themselves into Prison , she ( by the Estridge help ) might eat her self out again : She is a great benefactrix to Masons , who wher they find her are sure to finde work enough , and her zeale is so great , she has a minde to the Church-walls too , where she might sooner eat up all the ten Commandments , by breaking her fast , than break the Commandments of the Church : no Nunnery would hold her , but shee 'd break inclosure presently , though for strictnesse of dyet , ( however she eat whitmeat ) shee 'd put down any Minume or Carthusian ; for a peck of Oats would serve her a week at least , whence you are not to wonder if in questioning her you finde her somewhat meal-mouthed in answering you . By her complexion , she seems rather made of chalk or marle , than that red earth Adam was made of ; though she be so meager a soile , she grows never the fatter by it ; yet one knows not what a good Husbandman may do , for they say , a good Husband would remedy all ; but he must take her on credit then , both for Beauty and good housewivery ; few else would venture on her complexion , and such a quality , as if she hold on as she begins , she soon would eat her husband out of house and home : Onely a Millar would take her with all faults , she being much of his complexion , and for her diet t would be at others charge , rather than his own ; neither are the walls of his Wind-mil comprized in her Bill of Fare . CHARACTER . Of a talkative Lady . HEr tongue runs round like a wheele one spoak after another , there is no end of it : she makes more noice and jangling than the Bels on the fifth of November , or a Coronation day ; such a wife for Moroso had far surpast all the variety of noices invented for tormenting him ; and would make a husband wish that either she were dumb , or he were deaf : You would wonder at her matter to hear her talk , and would admire her talk , when you heard her matter ; but considering both together , would admire : nor wonder at neither , but onely exclaim with him , who plum'd the Nightingal , she is a voice and nothing else , for t is nothing but noice she makes , and t is the labour of her tongue not brain ; whence you would only wonder how that holds out , but for that it moves with as great facility , as leaves wag when they are shaken with the winde ( give her tongue breath , and it will never lie still ) or rather indeed as Atomes move its aire , for t is quite unhung , and neither depends on nerve nor imagination ; there being as much difference betwixt a voluble tongue and hers , as betwixt an excellent vaulter moves artfully , and one who art-lesly precipitates himself : all the wonder is , whilest she speaks onely Thrums , how she makes so many different ends hold together ( the composition of a Taylors Cushion , all of shreds , being nothing to the wonder of it ) but for that she cares not ; all her care being onely for some to hear her talk ( whom she must hire shortly , none certainly else would undergo the noice and vexation ) mean time an engine with so constant a motion as her tongue would be far better than any murmuring Fountain , or purling Brook to make one sleep , and she wants onely the faculty of talking in her sleep herself , to make the perpetuall motion with her tongue . CHARACTER . Of a Taciturne Person . HE is the contrary Extremity , and knows as little to speak as t'other to hold her peace . Fryer Bacons brazed head was a talkative one to his ; and there is nothing so phlegmatique as his discourse ; you might have patience as well to tend a Still , that drops but once a quarter , as to attend his speech ; the counting whose words , and a Dutch clock is an Excercise much alike : The wheels of his tongue , are like those of a rusty Jack , that ever an anon ( for want of oyling ) are at a stand . He is like Pharasius picture , all Curtain , and who think there 's ought else under it , like Zeuxes are deceived ; yet such vailed shrines as he , are counted very Oracles in Cloisters now where silence is in precept and veneration : Whose profession t is to be rather good Religious , than good companions ; and whose wisdome is the folly of the world ; and be they their wisemen , they shall be my fools still , who no more admire silence in them than in vegitatives : Nor shall ever accoumpt impotency , perfection ; rather when the power of well speaking never proceeds to act ; I shall think there wants ability more than will ; and that somewhat still in the main spring is amiss , when the clock neer strikes ; onely for this once ( since they will needs have it so ) I will believe there 's somewhat in him , cause as yet I could never perceive any thing come out of him . CHARACTER . Of a Dutch Waggoner . HE converses so much with beasts as he 's become one himself , with only this difference , that he is a Beast Paramount ; and to see him mounted on his forehorse like a dril , you 'd take him for a Beast two stories high , nay to his very understanding he is one ; he understanding nothing above the elevation of his Pole ; and let them talk of the Papists what they will , there is none speaks the language of the Beast but he : they were mightily out , who fain'd a Waggoner in Heaven , when with far more reason they might have fained one in Hell : For besides he is more churlish than Charon , his waggon is more like Hell , where people are crowded together in perpetuall pain ; and he like a Fury layes about him with his whip , only in this he is like phebus or the charioter of the day , that he always bring night with him to his journeyes end . For the rest ; t'others Horses eats not so oft as his , nor ( for all his Twelve houses ) has he so many Innes to bait at , and drink at on the way : Besides he is more inexorable then the Sun for Ioshua , with calling to him once could make him stay , which call your heart out , you can never make him do . In a word , he dos nothing well , but whip his horses , and you can do nothing better than whip him again ; for he is saucy and malepert , and as rude as the Canvase he wears ; being a very tyrant when he gets you in his Waggon once , setting a Tax or Imposition on passengers , call'd drink-gelt , which he leavies on the first foure places of his Waggon , and were ye forty , he promises to you all : Now whether this be a Holland or Flemish Waggoner , there lies the Riddle , betwixt whom there 's this onely difference , that your Hollander looks bigger and keeps more gravity , as one that may be one of myn Heer 's in time , whilest t'other will never be but one of the Rascall rout . CHARACTER . Of a huge overvaluer of himself . He affects a certain Corpulency in al his Actions , makes them rather appear inflate and swoln than great and solide , with a singularity renders him more noted than notable : His wit is rather boisterous than strong , and has more in it of Polypheme than of the Heroe . He is rather of extravagant than extraordinary parts ; and looses himself by going out of the common road ; mistaking the point of Honour so , as while t is more honourable to beat the world at its own weapon , he is still inventing new : He makes a faction for folly , whilest he would needs seem wiser than he is , and proves that saying true , Nullum magnum ingenium &c. That there 's no great wit without some mixture of folly , &c. onely gaining this reputation ( at last ) with all his bustling , that he were a wiseman indeed , who were but all that he would seem to be . In fine he is so unlucky in all his professions both of the Courtier , Scholler and the Politique , to have his speculations too high , his state policy in the ayre , his complements to the skies , and his schollarship above the Moon . Princes not understand t'on , Ladies not reaching t'other ; nor can the University with all its Mathmaticall Instruments take tothers height . Like too high prized Ware then , he lyes on his own hand still ; nor will he ever off , till either he be so wise to bate of it , or meet with such fools , who will over give as much as he overvalues it : Nor availes that excuse which some would make for him : How in great figures , falling not under one prospect of the eye ; t is hardest still observing proportion : For why does he strive then to make himself so great , and seek rather excuse for errour than not to err at all ? the Lady — then without Rivall may admire him still , and he maybe Mr — Wiseman , but none of mine . CHARACTER . Of an ordinary French Laquey . HE is as mischeivous all the year as a London Prentise on Shrovetuesday , and is devillish valiant with his Rapier on , but is a poor devill when that is off , and you may beat him part in hand , and part on credit , as you please , whilest he is so rigorous an accomptant , as if you promise him , cent coups de baston : He looks you should not bate him one ▪ He wears mourning linnen whatsoever colour his Livery 's off , and he and the Dog are alwayes Correlatives : He swears and lyes naturally , but steals nothing , only what he can lay hands on ; and if you lay not hands on him the sooner , he runs away when he has done ; though for running t is the worst quality he has , in lieu of which he vault up behind the Coach , with as great facility as an Ape or Tumbler behind his Master : For the rest he does nothing more willingly than pimp for you , when if he can hedge in any common for himself , he counts it clear gain , and himself a free Commoner ; he having in that his Masters leavings , as in all things else ; whilest he that had his , would be finely sauc'd indeed . I say nothing of the Dice he has , which however false , do break no squares with him , nor of the Cards , in his pocket ( though it be all the Prayer Book he has ) onely to come to his other qualities : he Paints excellent well foure fingers and a thumb , on Privy-houses , and flying dildos upon wals , with Buts at which they are shot ; no Saints mind being so elevate in devotion to paradis as his to the Bourdell , to which he runs so often as at last one running mars an other , when he is laid up in some Hospitall , and there 's and end of him . CHARACTER . Of a suspitious Person . SHe is her own Tormentor and others too , putting her minde and them to torture of her suspitions ; nor by confession nor denyall is there any getting off of them : She suspects every thing , and if you whisper , she thinks t is some harm of her . If you speak loud , she interprets it in the worser sense ; if you look on her , she thinks t is to spy some fault in her ; and if you look not on her , she interprets it a neglect of her : Mean time , she goes on with her suspitions , like French post-horses , who when they stumble once , neer cease till they are down : She revolving slight offences in her minde so long , till she makes mighty injuries of them at the last . Her surmises being alwayes wiser than the Truth ; whilest her freinds ( both for their own sakes and hers ) wish them but as wise at least , and that she had either lesse wit , or not so great an opinion of it as she has ; she imagining she understands the full meaning of every half word , and mystery of every look , when there is none at all : So to every thing simply said , she affixes a double meaning strait , counting it Ironia when any praise her , malevolence when they praise her not , flattery when you are of her opinion , and voluntary contradiction if you hold the contrary : Explicating others words and actions still as Hereticks do scripture in the dark and mystick sense , when the litterall is clear and manifest enough , and you may as well convert t'one as t'other from their opinions : So whilest her minde is just like the winters sun , exhaling more clouds than it can discipate again , she both looses herself in the mist she makes , and looses her friends by mistaking them for her enemies . Of Raillerie . THere is as much difference betwixt Raillerie and Satyrs , Iesting and Ieering , &c. as betwixt gallantry and clownishnesse ; or betwixt a gentle Accost and rude Assault . And if I would habit them in their several properties , I would cloath Satyr in hair-cloath , jeering in home spun-stuff , jesting in motley , and Raillerie in silk . It being a gentle exercise of wit and witty harmlesse calumny , speaks ill of you by contraries ; and the reverse or tother side of complement , as far beneath as that above reality . There 's nothing in it of abusive , and only as much in it of handsome invective and reproach as may well be owned without a blush : publishing those praises of you without shame , which flattery would make you ashamed to hear . It differs from Gybing as gentle smiles from scornfull laughter , and from rayling as Gentlemens playing at foyls , from Butchers and Clowns playing at Cudgels . T is nothing bitter , but a poignant sauce of wit , for curious pallats , not for your vulgar Tasts . And as Barriers , Iusts and Tournment a sport onely for your nobler sort ; somewhat resembling earnest , and which indeed , none should use , but those who know to make a sport of it : your Northern Nations being most commonly unhappy in this , that when their wits fall short , they piece it out with choller , and the blunter their wits are , the sharper are their weapons still . In fine , t is a plant grows more naturally in your Southern Regions , and seldome farther North than Paris yet : Whence whilest the French would have transplanted it with their others fashions into England , like those who first brought in Tobacco , they had but the Curses of the common People for their pains ; they understanding railing far better than Raillerie : much of the nature of those Beasts who cannot play , but they must fall to scratching and biting strait , wherefore till they understand it better , ' I le say no more of it , but leave it as a Riddle to them still amongst the rest . CHARACTER . Of one who troubles her self with every thing . HEr mind is just like their stomacks , who convert all they eat into diseases ; for every thing is matter of trouble with her , and shee s perpetually haunted with a panick fear , and Lord , Lord ! what shall I doe ? What will become of us ? not contented with her own cares she troubles her self with those of others , and gos more than a thousand mile to seek them out , being as much troubled for the King of China's losse of his kingdome , as for our late Kings loosing his . In which she shews much charity , but ill ordered , a good naturall but sickly and infirm , and a great stock of pitty and compassion but ill husbanded and managed : nay she troubles her self with conditionary thoughts of things that neer were , nor are , nor are like to be : And if others businesses so trouble her , imagine but how she is troubled with her own , of which when she has any , what betwixt doing and undoing it ; like penelopes webb , she never makes an end ; nor can any else for her at last , she so intangles it . And all this through ignorance of how much thought and care she is to bestow on things , whence bestowing all she has on every thing , ( as long as there is a world , and she is in the world ) her care and trouble must needs be infinite and immense : So as in fine ) her minde seems onely an Hospital of sickly thoughts ; being so thronged with them , there 's hardly room for any healthy one : whence through her proposterous lodging all her care within doors , and her comfort all without , she is so unfortunate to have the one still at hand , when she needs it least ; and tother still to seek , when she stands in most need of it . CHARACTER . Of one who troubles himself with nothing . HE suffers none but gay and pleasant thoughts to enter his Imagination , putting the rest off till to morrow still ; saying , to day is too soon : and then quite dismising them , saying ; it is too Late : He is so great a Master in the art of consolation , as he who when he casually lost his eyes , comforted himself , that there was so much saved in candle light , was but a bungler at it , compared to him . He accounts nothing in this world his own , whence hee 's never afflicted for the losse of any thing ; and for the world it self , count it but as a pilgrimage , and himself a pilgrime , that has no other busness in it , but onely to pass through it unto the next : to which since all wayes equally conduce ; he laveers not by Sea , but ever sailes before the winde , and makes for the next Port , be it where it will ; and by land , knows all his easiest passages , and all his turnings to avoid uneasie ones , whilest to beguile the tediousnesse of the way , he has still choice of the best company ; and at Relay : So passes he this vale of miseries ; so easily he scarcely feels its miseries ; neither contracting so much wealth , nor guiltinesse , in living , as may make him apprehend to leave tone behinde him , in this world when he dies , nor finde the punishment of t'other in the next . Mean time , that neither the Revolution of things , nor inconstancy of persons , may transport , or trouble him ; he has no tie to any thing , nor person , Beautie , Riches nor honours having never yet the power to make him quit his liberty , nor has the world chains strong enough to make him slave ; he wondring as much at Courtiers , as at Gally-slaves ; and for those who for a little profit sell their liberties , whilest they call it fishing for a golden fish , he calls it Angling with a golden-hook : So the spendor of a Pallace ▪ and obscurity of a Cottage equally takes his eyes , nor sees he any thing ; In the riches of the one to envie , nor in the others povertie to pitty , more than the means that tone has more than tother ; to make friends and to oblige . Thus having provided against all trouble without himself , that nothing within himself may trouble him : ( holding still the mean betwixt idlenesse and too great imploy ) he cultivates his minde , rather like a Garden than a Feild , delightfully not laboriously ; with studies may rather render it gay and cheerfull , than mellancholly and sad : shunning all by-wayes of doctrine , to avoid Errour , and all high-wayes of the vulgar to avoid ignorance and viciousnesse ; nor puts he his minde so on the rack of hope to extend them farther than to possible and easie things ; which failing his expectation , he is no more troubled than at seeing Iuglars play fast and loose . Lastly , not to live stranger nor enemy to himself , he first makes compact with 's genius , to lead him to no ill , and then follows it , whatsoever it leads him too , doing just by it as by his Horse , which he is not still putting upon new wayes , but onely spurs when it goes on slowly in the old : So constituting his pleasure rather in content than voluptuousnesse , and in nothing fruition , may lessen and destroy , or that may be rendred impotent by Age : He can never be without pleasure in himself , nor can any thing out of himself ever molest and trouble him : nor is this a happinesse to be attained too , but by long accustumance , and by doing by our Minde , just as we do with our Bodies . In time of Pestilence , that is , by carefullv avoiding all commerce with those are sick , else being once infected , all Councell is in vain ; and you may as well bid one that is sick be well , as one that 's sad and grieved be merry and comforted . CHARACTER . Of a Chamber-Maid . A Chamber-maid is as suspitious a name for a Maid , as a Grammar Schollar for a great Schollar , or a Schoolmaster for a great Master , &c. She differs from the Waiting-woman onely as single Roses do from double ones ; and is a maid of one Coat , whilest your waiting-Gentlewoman has many ; for the rest , she is the gentler of the two , when she fals into gentle handling ; marry the rude Serving-man she cannot endure , telling him shee 's for his betters , &c. She is the moresubject to towsing , lesse danger there is of rumpling her , ( an advantage she has of the Gentlewoman for all she is so fine ) there being more provocation too in her single Peticoat ( so nigh querpo ) than in all tothers silken Gowns . Mean while her words and actions are to be understood by contraries , and when she schreeks and crys fie away , lay by there &c. You must understand they are interjections of encouragement , not prohibition , as when she hids her self i th' dark or fains to sleep , t is only that you should groap her out and take her napping , &c. onely there 's a certain thing call'd sweet-heart , and a certain thing call'd Matrimony that spoils the sport , and makes her shie and cautious ; for any thing else there may be sport enough , and nothing e'r the worse : For she may be a Chamber-maid still , though not a maid ; and if she be right and of the Game indeed , whatsoever they say unto her , and whatsoever they do unto her too , shee 'le be sure to be a Maid still till she be married , when let her husband look where she be a Maid or no ; for others they have look't often enough and found her none . CHARACTER . Of a Noblemans Chaplain . ALl Ministers are men of the Lord , but this is the Lords Gentleman ; distinguisht by his Taffity Scarff , his fring'd Gloves , bandstrings , and Linnen more à la mode ; his cheifest faculty is in saying Grace : when by the elevation of his eyes , you may easily guesse at the temperature o th' clymat , or whether his Patrons devotion be hot or cold , ( and respectively the meat is the contrary , ) having said Grace , he takes Tithes of all , as belonging to the Clergy , only the small Tythes of fruit , his Patron debars him off , ( if he sit at his Table ) he and his fellow Salt together , being both taken away with the Voider ; when rising with trencher in hand ( just like one playing at Buz ) he makes a Canonicall leg de Cu ' & Be● , and is silenst during pleasure , & converted into a grave Cup-board or Chimny piece : If he fail of the lower end of his Patrons board , he claims the higher end of the Stewards ; where he reprehends no vice , but too many hands in the dish at once , under the name of gurmandizing , he being more beholding to his short commons in the University , for a good stomack ; then for his learning ( which is nothing with him ) or his preaching either ▪ ( which is not worth the speaking of ) whilest he hunge there by the Beck like Barnacles in Scotland , till he flew away a Brand Goose at the last . He takes the mentioning of Sr. Roger indudgion , with all the Apurtenances and Apendixes of Cunny-tails , and Mrs. Abigals , though he makes love in godly manner to the Chamber-maid , or Waiting-gentlewoman ( when his Lord has done with her ) by whose favour with my Lady if he gets the super intendancy of the Family , he vexes the servants intolerably with his talking of Collegiall Discipline , and the statutes of the Vniversitie , with Orthodox nose prying into every thing , and if he hedge in the Tutoring of my young Master in to boot , he makes him an errant dunce , and fit onely for the Vniversity . CHARACTER . Of an impertinent Governant . SHe is a fit Abigail for Sr. Roger there , and makes as good a Governant for my young Lady , as he a Governour for my young Lord : Her wits ( like an old stokin unravelling ) are at an end at every turn ; and had she the Governance of a whole School , she would run mad infallibly , though she have the spirit in her of twenty School-mistresses , looking with her Pigs-eyes so narrowly to her charge ; you cannot approach her , but like a Hen with one Chicken , she clocks and bristles up her feathers presently , keeping such a fidel-fadle and tatling , as you would judge her fitter to teach Parrots talk , or Apes their tricks , than for the charge she has : for the rest of her behaviour and discourse : It speaks her of your under form of breeding right ; her quips and scornfull answers , strongly favouring of the Cittizen , as goodly , goodly , great ones ! how say ye by that now ? &c. And but anger her , and you 'le see that with onely one weeks board at Billingsgate she would have scowlded curiously . In fine , she is perpetually busied about nothing , and her whole imployment is either in making , or else finding faults ; displeased with every thing , 'cause she knows not what shee 'd have ; with which impertinency she so d●zes and bemops the poor Lady , as she learns nothing at all of her , but only to unlearn all she did well , to do it ill . As for her other qualities of curious handling the Bodkin and Needle ( at which every School-girle and Chamber-Maid is as good as she ) I say nothing 'cause they are not worth the speaking off , only that by the Tree , you may know the fruit ; I le give you the Character of the School where she was bred . CHARACTER . Of a School of young Gentlewomen . TO shew how many degrees they are removed from , Court breeding their Schools most commonly are erected in some Country Village nigh the Town , where to save charges ( like that country parish that would not go to cost of true Orthography in painting the Ten Commandments ) they have the worst Masters can be got , for love or money ; learning to quaver instead of singing , hop instead of dancing , and rake the Ghitar , rumble the Virginals , and scratch and thrumb the Lute , instead of playing neatly and handsomely . And for their languages a Magpy in a moneth would chatter more , than they learn in a year : nor are their manners and behaviour much better , both so unfashionable and rude , ( or ramping and hoiting , or mincing and bridling it , as their reverend Mistresse is libertine or precise ; ) as their unlearning them costs their Parents ( commonly ) more than their learning did . As for their work ( which they most glory in ) you have frequent examplers of it , how some one or other ( ordinarily ) makes such work with them , as the stitches can never be pickt out again , without the Mid-wives help : No sweet-meat shops being ever so haunted with Wasps and Flys as these Schools by all the wild-youth about the Town . Mean time , I 'le not say their grave Mistresse is a Bawd ( who thinks her self a very Debora for government ) but certainly her Simplicity is little lesse ; first , gives admittance , then opportunity to such vermine as these into their Bouroughs , who when they get their heads in once , all the Body naturally follows . To conclude , they learn nothing there befitting Gentlewomen , but onely to be so gentle at last , as commonly they run away with the first Serving-man or younger Brother makes love unto them : when their Parents finde ( to their cost ) that all their cost was cast away , and their Husbands after a while find too , how to that old saying of choosing a Horse in Smithfield , and a Serving-man in Pauls ; you might well add the choosing a wife out of one of these Schools , and you shall be fitted all alike . CHARACTER . Of a Novice . HE is just like a young Lover , and his order is his Mistresse , who makes a fool of him , whilest he Idolatrizes it more than your French Inamourists do their Phillis's and Cloris's , and Don Quixots love to Dulcinea was nothing so extravagant . The more doz'd and be mopt he is , the better still ; t is a sign he 's right , and has a true vocation : and if he have any wit and judgment of his own , they cry out on him for a very Reprobate : for the rest , he hates all woman-kinde and calls a Petticoat , Leviathan ; and a smock but innocently blanching on a hedge : Afteroth or the fowl Devil of Fornication ; he walks with his eyes alwayes fixt upon the ground , and crumples up like a Hog-lowse for fear of effusion : he makes as many stops as an old rusty Iack , and winds up himself , as oft to rectifie his intention , he says his , our Fathers as devoutly as others their our Father , and counts all damn'd who are not freinds of his order , as an infallable signe of Predestination , the being devoted to it , and the Patron thereof : he is as lively after a discipline as an Ape , newly whipt , and is no more moved then a statua at a reprehension or reproach . Infine his novitiat passes with him , just like an enchantment , whilest he is so stund and astonisht as he knows not what to doe ; onely towards the end he comes to himself again , recovering by degrees ; and the charme once expired becomes like other men . CHARACTER . Of a Fille devote , or a ghostly daughter . SHe is a degree farther from the Cloister , and nigher the world than a Beguine ; to recompence which , she is more exemplar in her manners and behaviour , walking the streets like an Image carried in procession , without stirring hand or eye , wearing her eyes just like spectacles on her nose , and not daring to scratch though it itch never so furiously for fear of transgressing the rules of modesty : whence a fly is as safe on her nose , as a thief in Sanctuary , and a flea as t' had pasport may travell where it please : Returned home she is so neat , she puts all her cloaths up i th' presse ( almost her self too ) brushing her carefully for fear of a spice of Fornication ever since she understood , man was but dust : for the world , she desies it with all its pompts and vanities ( and t is almost all the vanitie she has ) and for the Devill , she knows ' all his slights and tricks so well , as that Devill must rise betimes that couzens her ; as for the Flesh she mortifies not onely her own , but that of her hoch-pot too , giving it so strong allay of Carrots and Turnips , there is no danger of it insurrection . Mean time , she holds her Confessor and the Patron of his order for the greatest Saints , and salutes all the rest , even to the Dog of the House with a Beati qui inhabitant , whilest of her Faith , there is no doubt , and for her good works , you may have a pattern of them when you please ; for she is commonly the best Bone-lace-maker in all the Parish , though her principall Trade be making scruples of every thing ( if that be not her confessarius work more than hers ) to conclude , I could wish my soul with hers , at any time , but not my Body beshrew me ) especially on Lady Eves and other dayes of devotion , when she Fasts , wears Hair , and Disciplines it most intolerably . CHARACTER . Of an Immitable Widdow . SHe is a Tree thunder-strook , the more sacred , the more unfortunate ; who had long since been dead , when death bereaved her of her better part , but for those living branches engrafted on her stock ( for and in whom ( more than for and in her self ) she lives : She has a quite different computation from other Widdows , counting from her Husbands life , in tother world , not from his death in this ; nor from his mortality , but his immortality , which every day augmenting by consequence her memory of him , every day augments : Whence to shew she mourns not for custom , but for the dead , and eternally , not by the year ; she hangs her appertement all freshly in black at the years end , when other widdows would be unhanging theirs : It s not changing colour sufficiently , declaring that t is dyed in grain : for the rest , she on a second marriages but as a kinde of Adultry . Incontinence makes necessary and custome lawfull , so far below noble woman , as her high thoughts disdain ever to descend into 't : or at best accounts it but a kinde of Theft , or robbing of the dead ; and for hers should hold it a kinde of sacriledge or stealing from the Saints in Heaven : nay , she counts your Widdows marry so soon again , but a kind of Murtheresses , killing their first Husband out-right , when th're but half dead once ; whilest hers long as she lives ( indespight of death ) can never wholly dye , on half of him ( at least ) surviving still in her . CHARACTER . Of a more Imitable Widdow . SHe shoots off Husbands as fast as Boys Pellets out of Pot-guns ; and one discharg'd , all her care is to charge again : she is as curious in her mourning dresse , as if she rather courted a new Husband than mourned for the old ; and her Glass and woman have more ado with putting on her vaile and peak than ( i' th' dayes of revelling ) with putting on her masking cloaths ; nor are these any other in effect she only making an injurd joy under an outward grief ; her vaile fitly serving her to hide her laughter in publique ; as her dark chamber in private , for the rest , she hides all under her widdow-hood : before company yet she makes sorrowfull faces , and squeezes out a tear or two , but alone with her woman she laughs at it ; and all their discourse is , Who is the proper'st man , and who would make the best husband , &c. She counts her self widdow'd not for her bosome but her Bed ( making difference still betwixt a Husband and a Friend ) and therefore procures to have that alwayes warm , when her Husband is scarcely cold ; whom she presently forgets , never making mention of a former Husband , but only as a spur unto the latter , with a God be with him , he would have done thus and thus ; and if they don't so too , is as ready to bid God be with them : so as 't is onely a good dowry and the Itch o th' Taile that makes her marry again , which satisfied once , she cares not how soon shee s rid of you ; or unsatiat , one suffices not , but she still longs for more : Wherefore were I to marry her , I 'de be sure , one condition o th' marriage should be , she should be no more a Widdow , or ( beshrew shrew me ) I 'de have none of her . CHARACTER . Of a Fifth-Monarchy man . HE Equivocates when he sayes , Thy kingdome come , meaning his own ; and i th' mean time , looks upon all Magistrates as Usurpers of his right : He is a Saint , turn'd inside outward , or all sanctity without and none within : his congregation is all in querpo , though they boast the Spirit , and they care for no cloak but Hypocrisie : T is question whether he more hates the Church for Ceremonies , or Ceremonies for the Church ; certainly , he is more familiar with the Lord , than to stand on Ceremonies with him any more ; and he so hates a Gentleman , as he can't endure God should be served like one . Mean time , down goes the Churches , and White-hall should follow too , might he but have his will : a Barn as well as a Church or Palace , serving them , ( like savages ) both for their spiritual and temporall Monarchy : He counting any place good enough to preach in ; and any place indeed is good good enough for his preaching , who teaches nothing but sedition and infatuation , whence whilest others with their Sermons people Heaven , he peoples Bedlam or the common Iaile ; calling mirth , prophanes ; melancholly , Godlines ; Obedience luke-warmnesse ; and Faction , zeale : making altogether as unchristian work with Baptizing them , as he dos with children . In fine , other Sects run low , but he 's upon the Lees , calling himself onely pure , like him who being all o're defiled with dirt , brag'd that he had never a spot on him ; so he thanks God with the Pharisee that he is not like other men , and in that he sayes true , for he is far worse than they : As for his Fift-Monarchy , he may expect it when all the world is mad , till when he must give all the world leave to believe that he is so ▪ HE is the onely persecutor of Ladies , and they may as well be quit of their Shaddows as of him , he follows them without any regard of Time and place , visiting them a mornings e'r they are up , and scarcely gives them leave a nights to go to bed : whence they compare him with every thing that 's troublesome , and comparisons ( you know ) are odious : He is their vexation in their Chambers , their distraction in the Church , nor can they scarce be private and at ease for him ▪ In their Clossets , or on their close-stools , and when they take Coach , they must have a guard of Swiz at the Boot , or else hee 'le enter whether they will or no . But what do I talk of a guard ? when like a spright he penetrates any place , and is as good as a Canon , or Petard to force his entrance : whence he becomes so fearfull to every one , as they fright children with only saying he comes ; and old folks who weary out others are a weary of his company : whence he is in every ones Letanys , with deliver us good Lord : and they pray against him as against the plague , he being far the more incurable malady of the two ; and he who knew a remedy against the Gout and him , would soon be richer than Mayern , which makes them study it , and many remedies have bin thought upon : Some having assayed to make him blush , but that they finde is impossisible ; others have invented severall excuses , but none would serve the turn , not so much as that of business , sleeping , nor taking Physick , &c. Ill looks , nor ill words wont do 't , and for that way of diversion , som Ladies have found out of late , of keeping handsome Gentlewomen & Chambermaids , they find it afterwards but redoubles of Access , what drives him soonest away , is their threatning to put him him to charges of Suppers and Collations , but that he puts off too , with his wonted impudence ; onely one , who hath travelled many Countries , and learned many rare Receipts , of late has found out a way , to Quarrell him out of their Companys ; and to perfect the cure , add but a good beating to 't , and t is thought , he will never dare to return again . CHARACTER . Of a French dancing-Master in England . A French Dancer or Balladin , thinks himself a Palladin of France , when he cōmences Master and ceases to be Vsher once : betwixt whom and the French Taylor there has been long contention who should be most modish and liker a Gentleman ; till the Dauncing Master carried it clearly away at last , and but for his Pochet might sometimes pass for one ; for he is the onely Master of the Revels now , and makes all dance after his Fiddle . He has the Regimen of your Ladies Legs , ( nay little Montague pretended higher yet ) and is the sole pedagogue of the Feet , teaching them not onely the French pace but the French language too , as Coupéz , passéz , levéz , &c. which they understand as perfectly as English . He fetches you up in your Dance with a hei courage , as your Carter does his Horses with a Whip ; and is so cholerick sometimes , as he is beaten for his pains , and taught to know that he is far better at his feet than hands ▪ he gos a Pilgrimage to Paris every year , and distributes his new Branles Gavots and Sarabands , like precious Reliques amongst his Schollars at his return , speaking as reverently , and with as great devotion of Monseour Provost as your Pilgrims do of the Saints , of the Shrines they have visited : In fine , he lives a merry life and a long ; for his dancing dayes are never done , and he is a brave fellow all the year , but on a Bal or Grand-Ballet night without compare : Onely , I 'de councell him to hide his Kit when he goes abroad , or if the Saints spy it , t is but pretending its strings are made of the guts of the Beast , and that they play at the wedding of Anti-christ with the Whore of Babylon ; to breake it like your English-Fiddles about the Fiddlers ears , 'gainst whom their persecution is so great , as t' would even extend it self to the sign of the Cat and Fiddle too , if it durst play but so loud as to be heard by them . CHARACTER . Of your Town-Talkers . YOur Town Talkers are a company in Town , who make a Trade of talking of every thing ; they work journey work , and are excellent embroiderers of lyes ; any ground will serve them and t is ordinary with them to add o's and cyphers to set it the better off . They deal more by conjecture ▪ than Almanack makers , and are such expert Chymists , they can extract certainty out of likelihood at any time . They wish more for ill news , than ingrossers of Corn for dear years ; and are sorry with Caligula , when no publique calamity happens in their time . They would be glad the dearest friend they had should be hanged , only to afford them news ; and when they have any , are as pregnant with it , as Spanish gynets are with aire . They hunt with full cry , and run faster away with a rumour , than a pack of northern Hounds do with a full scent . Their chiefest game is who , and who ? and they make more marriages , than Iustices o th' Peace . As for Weddings now the Arches are down , they are the onely Bawdy court , making Adamites of all the young people in the Town ; and instead of the Star-chamber , they censure every one : they 'le venture the repute of lyars twenty times , for that of prophets once , and make such hast as they prevent times bringing truth to light . In fine , t is naturall to them , to speak ill of every one , amongst the rest , making bold sometimes with us in the Country , they are not to take it ill , if this once we make as bold with them in Town . CHARACTER . Of a horrible wicked and deboished person . HE is all over Guilty , whilst others are but parcell guilt , his words , actions , cogitations and all ; his mind is a room all hung with Aritin● Pictures , and the Contemplation of them is all his Devotion . He is so excellent a chymist as he can extract Bawdry out of any thing : and makes Cato speak it , nay Salomon and David too : He neer sees woman , but he lusts her , strips her naked , and enjoys her strait in imagination ; when he Fathers the Children of it upon himself , nor thinks he it dishonour to bely the honour of any one . Every thing with him , is incentive unto Lust ; and every woman Devill , enough to tempt him to 't ; silk-gowns and wastcoteirs all alike , he playing at women , just as he does at Cards , where every suit in their turns is turnd up Trump ; he watches wenches just as Tumblers do Rabbets , ready still to throw himself Corps perdu after them ; whence he has more diseases than an Hospital of which he lies in every spring and fall , when his sweat is a curse of his own , not Adams sin : Mean time , his word is a merry life and a short , and I know not how merry t is , but I 'me sure t is short enough ; he consuming just like a Candle on both ends , betwixt Wine and Women , without which he holds there is no pleasure in this world , and for the other he would fain be Atheist , and believe there is none at all ; whilest his manners and ignorance supply his want of Faith : for he lives like one , and knows no soul he has , repents more the omitting an evill action , than any Saint would the committing it : His discourse is all oaths , and his oaths are all his prayers ( he never but in them remembring God : ) he laughs at Heaven , and imagines Hell only , a pretty winter Parlour , thinks godlinesse and Religion but folly and hypocrisie ; and finally for the narrow way to Paradise , knows no other , but the common road to Maiden-head . CHARACTER . Of a valiant man . HE is onely a man , your Coward and Rash , being but Tame and Savage Beasts ; his courage is still the same , and drink cannot make him more valiant , nor danger lesse ; his valour is enough to leaven whole Armies , and he is an Army him self worth an Army of other men : His sword is not alwayes out like childrens Daggers , but he is alwayes last in beginning quarrels , though first in ending them : He holds honour ( though delicate as chrystall ) yet not so slight and brittle to be broak and crackt with every touch ; therefore ( though most wary of it ) is not querilous nor punctilious ; he is never troubled with passion , as knowing no degree , beyond clear courage , and is alwayes valiant but never furious . He is the more gentle i th' chamber , more feirce he 's in the field ; holding boast ( the cowards valour ) and cruelty ( the Beasts ) unworthy a valiant man : He is only coward in this , that he dares not do an unhandsome action . In fine , he can onely be overcome by discourtesie , and has but one deffect ; he cannot talk much , to recompence which he dos the more . CHARACTER . Of a Proud one . SHe has as much in her of the antient Counteship as would have serv'd six of Queen Elizabeths Countesses with their Coachmen and Footmen bare , their Cup-bearer serving them on the knee ; and women waiting about their Canopy of state ; yet is she neither Countesse nor Lady neither , but onely of pleasure , and at courtesie of the country . She looks high , and speaks in a Majestick tone , like one playing the Queens part at the Bull , and is ready to say , blesse ye my good people all , as often as she passes by any company ; she adding only disobligingnes to her dishonor , whilest she would be thought more honourable by disobligingnesse ; and is but like those tradesmen , who when they have custome enough , grow proud and to disdainfull , and must be sued for their ware , whilest those who want it , are forced to sue to you : to hide and plaister it the better , she has two countefeit vizzards , her painting and her modesty ; both which she puts of a nights , when she lies with her own face , though not with her own Husband ; she pretending by her stately carriage ( it seems ) the honour of Foundresse o th' order of undisparag'd Concubines , nor gets she any thing else by her statelinesse ; but onely , when soever there is a Parliament of Curtesans , she shall be taken not for one of the Commons , but the House of Lords . CHARACTER . Of an all-admirable Person . BEauty alone is too secular a Theam for praise and vertue too Monasticall an one ; together they make an excellent conjuction , so they are accompanied with goodnesse and obligingnesse ; disobliging Beauty else repelling as fast as it attracts ( and loosing all its graces by infusing them into vessels disobligingness makes bottomlesse ) neither is vertue ever so honoured , when its goodnesse is contracted in it self , as when t is diffusively good to all : To speak separatly than of all these perfections , which she has jointly to admiration : For her Beauty all you call sweet and ravishing is in her Face ; a cheerfulnesse t is joy for to behold , and a perpetuall sun-shine without any clouds at all , joyn'd with such attractive vertue , as she draws all to a certain distance , and there detains and suspends them , with reverence and admiration ; none ever daring to approach her nigher , nor having power to go farther off ; whence that beauty , which in the dayes of Ethnicisme , had excited to Idolatry ; now only excites to piety and devotion ; sufficient alone to fill the place with votius tables , and even in picture to work miracles ; she being still the greater miracle herself , and so all surprizing as a disease , but as taking as her eyes , would be epidemical , and soon depopulate all the world . Then shee 's so obliging , civill , and courteous , as obligingnesse , civility , and courtesie seem to be born with her , and it is feared will dye and be buried with her in the same grave when she dyes ; Her speech and behaviour being all so gentle , sweet and affable , as you may talke of Magick , but there is none charms but she ; nor has complacency and observance more ready at a Beck ; she ( to the shame and confusion of the proud and imperious ) doing more with one gentle intreaty than they with all their loud iterated commands . Whence she alone with her sweetness and gentlenesse , would tame fierce Lions , and civilize barbarousest Savages ; and if there be any feircenesse and savagenesse in the world , t is onely where she is not , and because she cannot be every where : whence Heaven seems onely to have made her so beautifull , to make vertue more lovely in her , the one serving to adorn the other ; as her noble obligingnesse and goodnesse does for the ornament of both . CHARACTER . Of a gallant Warriour . HE is a Lover , and the Warre is his Mistresse , whom he courts so nobly as not onely she , but all are enamour'd on him : all his thoughts are on her , and all his Ambition is to deserve her favours , and declare himself worthy of her ; he doing that in effect , which others onely talk off ; hazzard and expose his life for his Mistresse , as often as brave Action cals him to 't : Mean time , compare him but with your other fine Gallants of the Town , and you 'le see what little pittifull things they 'le seem compared to him ( just as Puppets in comparison with men ) he i th' head of an Army , with brave feircenesse in the field ; they with little meens and countenances , leading a dance at home ; they slickt with pomatum , all patcht and powdred ; he all covered ore with dust and sweat , the powder of the Canon frizling her hair , and every patch hiding or shewing some noble wound ; they finally proud of the favour of some knot or ribban ( their Mistresse Dog has honour to wear as well as they ) he gloriously returning home with victory , a favour onely greatest , Heroes are honoured with : After all which , more to encrease their shames , and his glory he beats them at their own weapons too ( to shew himself every wayes a Conquerour ) and provs the gallanter courtier , as far surpassing them in the gentle Arts of Peace , as in the noble ones of War : With good reason they feigned Venus then enamoured of Mars ; onely I wonder they fabled him born of immortall race , since in my conceit the fable had been much handsomer , had they feigned ( like our Mars's here ) his noble actions onely Immortalizing him . CHARACTER . Of a miserable old Gentlewoman . HEr word is , pitty any thing should be lost , whilest others say , pittie any thing should be saved , as she saves it ; for she hoards up Candles ends , and scapes up Greace ; being so rich in Kitchin-stuff , as her very cloaths are become part of it ; excepting her brancht-velvet-gown , ( thin as an old groat with the figures all worn out ) which she keeps more carefully for Sundayes and Holy-dayes ; nor wonders she at the Iews wearing their cloths in the Desart forty years , for she has a petty-coat she has worn as long ; her stomacher being a piece of venerable Antiquity , derived from the Velvet of Queen Mary's gown ; and her prayer Book was a Relique of her Grand-mothers , till falling into the Dripping-pan ( by simpathy ) the Dog and Cat fell out about it , and at last agreed to pray on it : since when for want of a Book , her ordinary prayer ( without Book ) is a God help ye without Alms , for which the Beggars curse her as fast ; onely your sneezers thank her , because they expect no more from her ; for her house , you enter it with the same horrour as you 'de do one , the witches kept their Sabot in ; she sitting purring in the Chimney-corner like a melancholly Cat , mumping like an old Ape when she saluteth you ; and when shee'de Regale you indeed , sends for a bottle of Sack from her Closet ( as everlasting as the Widdows cruch of Oyle ) has served this twelve months all strangers that come to house , together with a Box of mermelate so dry , as the flyes have given 't over long since , in dispaire of extracting any more sweetnesse out of it . In fine , to tell you all the sordid poverty of her house , I should never make an end : wherefore to conclude , her Coffers are only rich ( whilst she is poore ) where she hoard up all her old spurroials and Harry Angels , with her deaths head and Gymal Rings , for whosoever she means to make her Heir , which I 'm sure sha'nt be me , I laugh at her so much . CHARACTER . Of a Ladies Little Dog . HE is native of Bolonia , though of no great House ( as t is imagined ) yet he is his Ladies Favourite , and the Envy of her gallants , for his lying with her a night , whilest he innocently snugs and ne'er thinks of his happiness , and kisses her a days , without imagining any harm ; for which they suspect him of frigidity , and certainly he is so cold as the Chimney-corner can scarce keep him warm ; where he lies in his panier ( like Diogenes in his Tub ) snarling and barking at every on comes in ; whence he 's imagined to be one of his Cinick sect , yet all Caresse and make much of him , for his Ladies sake , and that proverbs together , Love me , and love my Dog . Mean time , his chiefest bravery consists in his chollar , which you would take for the chollar of some Order ( of which there are Carpet Knights enough , who would gladly like him be never out of Lady's laps ) but that he has no fellow for littleness , all other Dogs seeming Gyants unto him ; and he would scarce passe for a Mastiff amongst the Pigmies : though in Homers battaile betwixt the Frogs and Mice , he would have served rarely well , for mounting the Caval'ry , and have put the Infantry terribly to Rout : but that he was spoil'd in the managing ; he ( what betwixt carrying in the Arms at home , and Coach abroad ) having legs more for ornament than use : Whence he has ( certainly ) much to answer for Idleness , but for that he cares not , who never thinks on death ( though his life may well be compared unto a span , his body being no more ) nor cares he for what becomes of Dogs in the other world , he enjoying all his Heaven and Felicity in this ; having a Velvet Cushion for his couch ; walking on Turkey Carpets like the Grand Seignior , being fed as daintily as the Infanta or the King of Spain ; nor can he wag his Taile for any thing , but he has it strait . CHARACTER . Of your Ladies Coronel . NOt to be Souldier , he was made Coronel at first , and to scape fighting , h'as remaind so ever since ; whence he 's a superlative without a positive , or like a Hovell all rouff without foundation ; you may call him souldier yet in extraordinary , as they do Courtiers who ordinarily have nothing to do at Court , no more than he in the Feild ere since he brought the name of Coronel to Town , as some did formerly to the suburbs that of Lievtenant or Captain . Mean time , I know not whether the Ladies made him Coronel , but I am sure they have marr'd him for ever being one ; he caring more for their simpring , than either for grinning honour dead , or smiling on alive : So there is more danger of his over complementing , than over coming an enemy ; and for his sword , it can so little boast its bloud , as all its gentility lies in the Hilt and Belt ; and it derives its honour more from the scabboard than the blade , notwithstanding ( though I will not absolutely say , he is a Souldier in his heart ) certainly in his words he is a famous one , and for such he passes with my Ladies Gentlewoman , who for the title of Coronels wife is content to marry him : When shee 's call'd Madam and puts hard for Lady too , fathering far more children on him in Peace , than ever he made fatherlesse in war . CHARACTER . Of a School-Boy . ONe may well say of him , as another did of his Son , that his mother had prayed so long for a Boy , as he feared he would prove a Boy all his life , to which nothing more confers than their breeding in Grammer Schools , where they study Boyes so long , they are marr'd for ever studying men : comming thence so rude as in compare with those bred at home , they are like ragged Colts of the Commons , compar'd with Stable-breed ; he has nothing so ready , as his Hat at his fingers ends ; which he twirls about in mighty agony ; when he is out and knows not what to say , and if you question him , he looks another way , as if he sought an Answer in the Seeling , or the Floore , and scraps you just such a leg in answering you , as Iack o th' clock-house going ( about to strike ) mean while he speaks i th' same tone he recites his lesson in , as fast as a Horse running away with his Rider , and as loud as all the company were deaf : ever and annon putting his Nose in 's cap , and sneering when he is out of countenance : for his learning t is all capping verses , and Faggotting Poets looser lines , which fall from him as disorderly as Faggot-sticks , when the band is broak ; of his manners I say nothing , for he has none at all ; nor is there any hope he will ever learn ; his head being so doz'd with knocking , & breech hardned with whipping , as h'as neither fear nor wit . Judge then what hope his Parents have of him , and what comfort in his schooling , where he has learnt so many miching and sneaking tricks , as had I a son , I lov'd , I 'de send him to Paris-garden , as they do Apes to learn tricks there , rather than such tricks as they commonly learn at School . CHARACTER . Of one that shall be namelesse . HE is the onely famous Ruffin of the Time , and is so exemplary vitious , as in beating their children , they bid them take warning by such an on : his vices are heavy enough to weigh down a side , whence antiently had he bin to have fought , they would have desired him , not to pray that the gods might not have known that he was there : He drunk formerly , when he should be fighting , and now talks only of fighting in his drink ; whence he is rather scandalous than dangerous , and they persecute him more for his Words than Actions ; he cryes out on others not suffering like himself ; like the Fox , who having lost his own Taile , would needs perswade all others out of their ; nor is it zeal but envy in him , like your Boyes , who cry a whip Coach-man , when they cannot get up themselves : Mean time , he Fathers his decay'd Fortune on the Wars , when t is well known , t was rather caused by his Engagements with women , than with men : and were his Creditors Books well examined , you should finde his name there long before the Muster master could shew it you in his ; which remaining uncanceld still , he thinks to do it by wit instead of money ; and to break his Creditors by breaking jests on them ; but they are too wise to be witty now a days , and he too foolish not to remember how the times are so chang'd , as those who formerly for jesting , might have begged others Estates , may now for jesting chance to loose their own , Mean while , more prisons contend for him , than Cities antiently for Homer , on the gates of one of them , you may well write his Epitaph , for t is like to be his Sepulcher . CHARACTER . Of a pretty sweet Innocence . HEr Innocence is the pure white garment that she wore in Baptism , which in others looses glosse , and is quickly sullyed ; but in her holds colour , and conserve its candor still , t is no witlesse , but guiltlesse Innocence , such as was our first Parents in Paradise , of which had they been but as wary & tenacious , they had not lost it so easiely , nor had Paradise been lost so soon : She knows no harm , and therefore dos , nor imagines none , her ignorance being a far better and surer guard , for her Innocence than others knowledges . She hates Vice almost as much by Nature as by Grace ; nor is there any more beholding to both than she : She is virtue's white-paper , whilest others are onely blotted , or course blotting paper at the best ; and is onely fit to write Heavens dictates on . Her Inocent stole being of the same stuff & piece , your Angels are made off , which could she conserve like them , but unblemisht and unspotted she might go to Heaven in it without Translation , which her noble birth and breeding promises for her in her Infancy ; nor is there any doubt , but her high Honour and virtuous mind , will fully perform when she comes to Age all that they have promised . CHARACTER . Of a scrupulous Honour . NEver was curious Beauty more nice nor shie of sun and winde ; nor frugall Bravery of contracting spot or stain , than she of conserving her fame and honour pure and unblemished : having such care of its integrity , she dares not trust rumour with it , she fearfully apprehends like some fierce Mastiff , rending and tearing every thing it fastens its teeth upon ; this makes her walk so warily for fear of awakening it , so far she is from irritating it , to bark or bite : mean time she strictly examins all her words and actions on this nice Interrogatory , What will the people say ? Nor moves she apace without first considering where she sets her foot ; by which prudent conduct of hers , she clearly demonstrats , that howsoever foul and dirty the world is , t is but picking out ones way , and they may walk clean enough . And all this she dos purely from the principals of high Honour and noble virtue , without affectation or hypocrisie ; and the care shee'as of the pretious odor of her fame , never expos'd ( she knows ) to the subtle theft of publique aire without some detrement , whence no Ermine is purer , nor Angel cloathed in flesh could be more carefull of preserving its innocence ; nor vertues self could it be seen with mortall eys , could ever gain more love nor reverence than she , who of all women alive , has onely the true receipt of stopping rumours mouth , of silencing calumny and detraction , and purchasing th' esteem and admiration of all . CHARACTER . Of a Fleerer . OF all wrinckles in the Face ( next to those of comely Age ) give me a hearty laughter , or a frown at least , concealing nothing of dissimulation , but for your fleering , t is alwayes the counterfeit vizard of the False , the Descembler , and the Treacherous ( and if it proceed from simplicity t is as bad on t'other side ) to adde the more to its deformity , it has somewhat in it too of the wrinkles of an Ape , makes it look more ridiculously and scurvely ; t is a screw'd face onely made to insinuate into your breast , a warpt on , declaring there's no trust to it ; having as many double rinds in it , as a Bulbus root ; you may annihilate it as soon as peel it out of all of them . 'Thas nothing in it of the physiognomy of an honest man ; open and cheerfull with eyes more smiling than the mouth : in smoothnes not wrinckles , unfolding the habit of the minde , whilest this is a Iudas face , with what will you give me for motto to its treacherous smile , or at the worst a Scotch Presbyterian face , faining friendship and pretending zeal only to cozen you , with all its actions fawning and language flattery ; and if I would paint a Greek Sinon it should be just with such another physiognomy , red hair , flat nose and gogle Eyes , with crouching posture , and fleering countenance , trust them who 's list for me . CHARACTER . Of a Make-bate . SHe is a tattling Gossip that goes a fishing or groaping for secrets , and tickles you under the gills , till she catches hold of you ; onely the politique Eele escapes her hand , and wrigles himself out again : She tels you others secrets , onely to hook yours out of you , and baits men as they do Fishes one with another still . She is as industrious as a Bee , in flying about , and sucking every flowre ; onely she has the Spiders quality of making poison instead of honey of it . For she has all her species of Arithmetique , Multiplication , Addition , and Detraction too , onely at Numeration she is alwayes out , making every thing more or lesse than t is indeed ; whilst they blame Flatterers for wanting their sicut erat to their gloria ; she wants both her gloria and sicut erat too . In fine , you have diverse Serpents so venemous , as they infect and poison with their very breaths ; but none have breathes more infectious nor poisonous than she , who would set man and wife at dissention the first day of their marriage , and Children and Parents the last day of their lives ; nor will Innocence ever be safe , nor conversation innocent , till such as she be banisht humane society ; the bane of all societies where they come ; and if I could afford them being anywhere with Ariosto's Discord , it should be onely amongst mine enemies : Mean time , t is my prayer , God blesse my friends from them . CHARACTERE . Du Tour a la mode . C'est une Assemble ou les Dames sont pareéz pour le Bal , et ou les cheuaux dancent un Ballet . C'est un Marché ou l'on n' Estale que la meilleure Marchandice , en reservant le reste dans l' arriere Boutique . C'est une Blanque des visages ou pour un bon , on en rencontre cent mauuais . C'est une Battaile bien rengée , ou le Baggage est derrier , ou ceux sont seulement a couvert des ●●●ips d'oeillades , qui sont au fond du Carrose , e●●u les primiers ayant fait leur discharge ilz s'en retirent pour donner place aux autres . C'est un Festin ou ceux qui vont en Carrose sont ●●siz a Table , et ceux qui sont par terre les regardent , et devorent des yeux . C'est l' Eglise 〈◊〉 la Gallantrie ou il y a de la Bigotterie aussi ●ien qu' aillieurs , et ou , on va plus par Curiosité que par devotion . C'est un Ciel qui a deu● monuemens contrairs , ou il y a des Estoille de toutes Grandeurs , et ou les Dames fardées , et de Reputation sont des Commettes . C'est un Ieu des Cartes ou tous les valets sont escartez . C'est un Triomphe ou les vaincus aussz bien que les vainqueurs vont en chariot . C'est une Medaille de la vanité du monde et vicissitude des Mondains , anex ces Inscriptions Sic transit gloria mundi , et chácun en son Tour : en fin c'est là ou l'on roule doucement dedans le monde , & si l'on pouuoit ainsi aller en Paradis , on seroit aussi heureux qu' Elie. CHARACTER . Of a Changeable disposition . SUre the Moon had great predominancy in her Birth , there 's such a perpetuall ebb and flow of humour in her ; so as you may go twise into her company , and not twise into the same company : She is a sea without North star , and so full of shifting sands , as there is no sayling by Compasse with her , nor without the Plumet still in hand : she is all in the extremities without medium ; and now 't is stormy , now sun-shine with her : Now shee 's merry , now exceeding sad ; now fond , now froward ; now infinitly obligeing , & as disobliging now again . Whence who observe her humour are tyred out and become giddy strait , and shee 's only safe in it , in that flattery knows not where to finde her out : Mean time , she falls often out with you , and no wonder , for she falls out with her self as oft ; and now affirms a thing , & strait gives her self the lye ; now does a thing , and presently is displeased at it ; ascenting or contradicting , as shee 's either in good or bad humour and disposition ; and when that is , you must go to a Cunning woman to know , for shee 's not cunning woman enough to know her self ; her humour being so marr'd by too much humouring . In fine , she 's a very Camelion or Proteus in disposition , changing fashions of minde oftner than the French does fashions of Body ; and did she change shapes as often as she does minds , none would know her , and the Reason of all this is ( perhaps ) only because she dos not know her self . CHARACTER . Of a Physition . BY sin , sicknesse first entred into the World ; and by sicknesse , death and the Physitian . Behold , how some derive his Pedegree ; others say , that as Lawyers ingender processes and laws abuses , so physitians do Maladyes . Certain t is , he and death are but Cozen Germains once removed , and both of the same Trade and occupation of killing men ; though the Physitian escapes ( by money and corruption of the Iudge ) and poore Death onely is condemn'd for it . An others Reason why never Physitian yet held up his hand at Bar for killing Patient , is , because the Crowners quest have found it self-murder in those who take physick of them . Certainly , they do more harm and good ( for all his saying , that did not Physitians kill men so fast , the world would be so full of them , as ther'd be no living one by another ) for with their purging they but fill the world with ordurs ; and for one stool they give a man , they give him twenty pains , diseases , and molestations ; who say that we must honour Physitians for necessity : mean onely , that they are necessary evills , against whom David pray'd ( infallibly ) when he desired to be delivered from his necessities ; mean time , as t is said , necessity has no law , so would it could be said , that necessity had no Physitian too . But this now , is no ways to be understood by our English Physitians , but onely those of other Nations , who with their six penny fees , have skill accordingly , whilest ours in with their golden fees have golden skill . CHARACTER . Of the Authors Idea , or of a Character . IT gives you the hint of discourse , but discourses not ; and is that in mass and in got , you may coyn and wyer-draw to infinite ; t is more Senica than Cicero , and speaks rather the language of Oracles than Orators : every line a sentence , & every two a period . It sayes not all , but all it sayes is good , and like an Aire in Musick is either full of clozes , or still driving towards a close : t is no long-winded exercise of spirit , but a forcible one , and therefore soonest out of breath ; t is all matter , and to the matter , and has nothing of superfluity , nothing of circumlocution ; so little comporting with mediocrity , as it or extols to Heaven , or depresses unto Hell ; having no mid ' place for Purgatory left . T is that in every sort of writing delighteth most , and though the Treatise be gold , it is the Jewell still , which the Authour of Characters , like your Lapidary produces single , whilest others Goldsmith - like inchass them in their works . T is a Portraiture , not onely o th' Body , but the soul and minde ; whence it not onely delights but teaches and moves withall , and is a Sermon as well as Picture to every one . In fine , t is a short voiage , the Writer holds out with equall force , still comming fresh unto his journeys end , whilest in long ones , they commonly tire and falter on their way : And to the Reader t is a garden , not journey , or a feast , where by reason of the subjects variety , he is never cloyed , but at each Character , as at a new service , falls too with fresh Appetite . CHARACTER . Of a Dull-fellow . HE is the mute of the company , and only plays a part in the Dumb shew ; or if he say any thing like a pump , he labours for it , and presently his spirits sink down again , and leave him dry . He sits nodding in company , like a sleepy person overwatcht ; and rouse him with a question , and he stares on you , like one newly awaked out of sleep : he looks with his mouth , and thinks you would sell him a bargain , and ask him any thing , and t is impossible to aske him any thing he understands . He may thank God then for making him when he did , for they make no more such Dunces now a dayes ; so the species when he dyes is like to be extinct in him : when if he be sav'd , it must be contrary to the proceeding of our Sessions's , and rather by his Ignorance than by his Book . And if he be Bookish with all , he is yet the greater Dunce , being just like a narrow neckt bottle , hastily turnd down-ward , upon surprize you can get nothing out of him , and onely premeditation can save him from being begg'd : Whence like a dull Horse , let him go on his pace , and he advances somewhat , but spur him and through diffidence of his strength , his wit fails and tongue shuffles , falters , trips , stumbles and falls flat down at last , never arriving to a period . So goes he on plodding his Dunstable high-way , till he becomes a famous schollar at the last : Of such wood ( or rather blocks ) they commonly now adayes making most of their great Doctors in the Vniversity . CHARACTER . Of a bold abusive wit . HE talks madly , dash , dash without any fear at all , and never cares how he bes●●●ters others , or defiles himself ; nor ceases he till he has quite run himself out of breath ; when no wonder , if to fools he seem to get the start of those , who wisely pick out their way , and are as fearfull of abusing others as themselves : He has the Buffoons priviledge of saying and doing any thing without exceptions , and he will call a jealous man Cuckold , a childe of doubtfull birth bastard , and a Lady of suspected honour Whore , and they but laugh at it ; and all schollars are pedants & Physitians , Quaks with him , when to be angry at it is the avowing it . Then in Ladies chambers , he will tumble Beds , and towse your Ladies drest up unto the height , to the hazzard of a Bed-staff thrown at his head , or rap o're the fingers with a Busk , and that is all ; onely in this , he is far worse than the Buffoon , since they study to delight , this onely to offend ; they to make merry , but this onely to make you mad , whence wo be t' ye if he discovers any imperfection or fault in you , for he never finds a breach , but he makes a hole of it , nor a hole but he tugs at it so long till he tear it quite ; giving yt for reason of his incivility , because ( forsooth ) it troubles you ) which would make any civil man cease troubling you . So he wears his wit , as Bravo's do their swords , to mischief and offend others , not as Gentlemen to defend themselves : and t is crime in him , what is ornament in others ; he being onely a wit at that , at which a good wit only is a fool . Especially , he triumphs over your modest man ; and when he meets with a simple body , passes for a wit , but a wit indeed makes a simplician of him ; so goes he persecuting others till some one or other at last , ( as chollerick as he is abusive ) cudgell him for his pains , when he goes grumbling away in mighty choler , saying , they understand not Iest , when indeed t is rather he . CHARACTER . Of troublesome kindnesse . HIs kindnesse is as troublesome as others Ceremonies , and his stroakings as painfull as others stroaks ; he asks ye with a great deal of joy when he sees ye , whether you be there or no ? and shakes you by the hand till has shak't it out of joint , telling you twenty times , he is glad to see you well ; And if he embrace you , and get you in the hug , you had as good fall into the hands of a Cornish Wrastler : he asks you so often how you do ? as he makes you doubt whether you be well or no , when indeed t is rather his disease than yours : He is troublesome at Table with bidding you heartily welcome , and often drinking to you ; and being a little tippled he kisses man , woman and childe , and out gos all his secrets whispered in your ear : ( the shaking by the hand still , in all his kindnesses entring as a necessary ingredient ) but above all he is most troublesome when you are sick , with his how d'yees ? and pray be well , so as you would give as much to be rid of his visits , as you are forc't to give the Physitian for his : neither are you at quiet when he is absent , but still he writes unto you , and his Letters are fill'd with commendations , till they run over the margent ; and he be forced to end with my paper will give me leave to write no more . In fine , his kindnesse is rather that of children than of a freind ; rather out of weaknesse than judgment ; more luscious than sweet , clearly demonstrating that one may far sooner be cloid with such slight junkets than with more solid food . CHARACTER . Of a Iansenist . A Iansenist is a new name for an Heretick , & the first Heretick that ever was Catholick : Let us imagine then ( to please the Mollenists ) your Iansenists condemned for Hereticks at Rome , by the Pope ex Cathedra , with all his Cardinals , and the Iesuits making Bonfires for joy . Then more to increase their joy and Bonfires ; let us imagine them again burnt for French Hugonots in Spain , the Jesuits ( of their wonted charity ) assisting them to the fire , and exhorting them to die penitent ; which they refuse ( like obstinate Hereticks as they are ) accusing the Iesuits violent wrestling their Propositions to Heresie , which were Catholick enough before , telling them They take their measures of Catholick or Heretick , as they are contrary , or according to their dogmas and principalls ; and for their condemnation , say that they are rather unfortunate then criminal , and that oftentimes the sentence may be just , and yet the person condemned innocent . After which return we to France , and imagine the horrible bustle that is there : The Gallicane Church , not admitting their ipse dixit , so easily and absolutely without distinction as the rest do in Spain and Italy &c. but there the Iansenists struggle with the Molinists still , and write divers pernicious Books against them , amongst the rest , one lately entitled the Provincials , making a terrible combustion ( confuted by the Hangman , who publickly burned it . ) They springing up as fast as Hydras every day , whilest the Iesuits quell them as fast , like Hercules with his club ; for which finally they triumph , representing Father Arnoult with all the Ring-leaders of the Iansenists blown up like Crackers in a Puppet play , and all their followers at noyce and hubbub of it , running away like frighted dogs with bottles of excommunication at their tailes , with all the Jesuits Scholars houting after them , and all those of different Religions in other Nations , making their sport at it , notwithstanding all which , Iansenius may be a very honest man . CHARACTER . Of a certain Nobleman HIs Dignity at home , is double the same stile abroad , and mind and person answerable to his dignity : his titles become him as they were made for him , and he shews greater the higher he is in place : He blazons his Arms by vertues not colours , and his pedigree that 's but boast with others , is but chronicle with him : He remembers his Ancestors more to their praise than his own ; and suffers them to get the start of him in nothing but priority of time : he is great not swoln , high not lofty , humble not stouping , raising his inferiours up to him , without abasing himself to them , ( this being an act of weaknesse , that of power ) In fine , he swels not with speaking big , but is courteous and affable to all , holding courtesie so main an ornament of Nobility , as that Nobleman ( he imagines ) disguises but himself , and puts on Pesants cloathing , who is discourteous ; above all he holds loyalty so essentiall to a Nobleman , as who proves disloyall once ( he imagines ) not onely degrades himself , but even his posterity of their Nobility . CHARACTER . Of an other . HE is merry and facetious ▪ dispatching more business with dallying and tryfling , than others with all their plodding and seriousnes ; and his grimaces are worth all their supercilious gravity : he is your only universall Courtier , belov'd of all , and no wonder for he has kindred and alliance with every one , calling one Father , an other Son ; one Mother , another wife ; giving the younger , the ageder title still ; and the old the younger , to be more facetious , and endear himself the more : He has nothing in him of Saturnin and Tetricall , but is all pleasant and joviall , wiping from old age , all the blemishes and imputations cast upon 't by time ; and smoothing all the wrinkles of the mind , which commonly accompany the wrinkles of the Face ; nature being so fearfull he should ever grow wholly old : as it gives him a youthfull minde in an aged Body still ; so whilest he enters singing , and goes out dancing in all companies where he comes , he chases Melancholly so far away , as it can never return so long as hee 's in place . CHARACTER . Of a Naturall Beauty . WHether a chearfull aire does rise , And elevate her fairer Eyes ; Or a pensive Heavinesse : Her lovely Eye-lids does depresse , Still the same becoming Grace Accompanyes her Eyes and Face ; Still you 'de think that habit best , In which her Count'nance last was drest . Poore Beauties ! whom a blush or glance Can sometimes make look faire by chance , Or curious dresse , or artfull care , Can make seem fairer than they are , Give me the Eyes , give me the Face , To which no Art can add a Grace : Give me the looks , no garbe nor dresse , Can ever make more faire or lesse . FINIS . Apendex . Of an Artificiall beauty . AN Artificial Beauty , lives poorly by shifting and borrowing , whilest your naturall one , is rich and lives on its own revenues : she is a living Picture of her self , of which she is onely the priming cloath , or rather a loame wall plaistered and dawbed ore ; for she imploys the Trowell rather than Pencill , and her painting is so palpable , as if she sought not colour to hide it , but rather to publish it : She is always complaining now of a cold , now that she sleeps not well a nights , that you may impute her ill looks unto that accident : She is more troubled with her mouches or flyes , than a gald horse in summer , now giving this a remove , now a dab with the finger , as if she were killing that ; and ever and annon her glasse gos out , to see if nothing needs reparation , it being so fragile a tenement , as the very sun and aire decays it , whence she is so fearfull of every breath , that we may well say of her , that her colluctation is against the spirits of the aire : Mean time , she is as dexterous at the Fan as a Butcher at the Fly-flap , or Fencer on my Lord Mayors-day , at the two handed sword : & but imagine how aprehensive she must be of the fire of the other world , when she apprehends so much the fire of this : to which she dares not approach , nor so much as laugh for fear of warping her complexion , so it alters her humour , as well as her feature , and renders her so diffident of her self , as she is still seeking out dark corners , to vent her false and counterfeit visage , as false coyners and cousening Tradesmen to put off their false money and counterfeit Merchandise : Shee having onely this advantage by it , that no shame can make her blush , nor sicknesse pale . If it be an advantage to become wholly shamelesse , and have a face , any sick bodys may be as fair as hers . CHARACTER . Of a Petty-Politick . PEtty-Policie , is onely wisdome distemperd into Craft , and who use it may well be stil'd crafty , but never wise . T is to Policy of State , as pedling to merchanding ; or rather as Mous-traps and Tinder-boxes to Archimedes Glasses of fyring Navies , and Caesars machins of expugning Towns ; never great spirit used it , nor great action was done by it yet , and all the advantage it has , it rather steals than gains . It pieces not out the Lyons skin with the Foxes taile , but is all Fox skin , and even stincks again . It ever walks vizzarded , & you can never know its true Face , but may alwayes know that it is false : Like the Gordian knot it amuses and puzzles you , and may be cut far sooner than untyed : Mean time who use it , may well be stil'd Politiques In decimo sexto , and are to State-politicians , as Apes to men , more full of tricks and quirks than they , and nothing else ; or like your lesser Wheels , which seem to whirle faster about than great ones , though their progresse be far lesse ; In fine , t is treachery in fight , perfidiousnes in Love , cousenage in gaming , deceit in bargaining ; and whosoever uses it in plain English is Knave , though the qualifying terms be a Politician . Of a hom-bred Country-Gentleman . HIs Cloaths are more gawdy than fashionable , and his Face more out of fashion than his cloaths : He knows not how to look in company ▪ and is shameface'd , and yet Impudent ; either at arms end with you , or in your bosome presently : and spaniel-like stroak him , and he leaps into your lap , if not , he snarls and offers to bite at you . His chiefest discourse is of his Hawks and Hounds , and he will tell Ladies what a fine Horse he has : He is never at so high a flow of talk , as after a Horse-race , and then it ebs by degrees untill the next again : He drinks , and t is Gentleman like when he is drunk with Wine , but he 's such a clown , as he 'le be drunk with Beer ; when he fumes and vapours it most fearfully . For wenching t is the Innocent'st vice he has , for hee 's too miserable to go the charges of silk-gowns , and wastecotiers for fear of Trapanning he dare not venture on : Mean time , his man Iohn and he have many a dry dialogue about his marriage , and he waits on Ladies with fear and trembling , at the horrible charges and expences they may put him too , being never willingly at more than a bottle of Ale or a pound of Cheries at a time ; and for Hide-Park , Spring-garden , and the new Exchange , he abhors the very name of them , so unlesse he have a good estate ; t is long enough erre he get a wife in town , and if he have , twenty to one , but some wife at last gets him , whom he posts down as soon as may be , preaches good Housewifery unto her , has some new religion preached unto him , with which he edifies and gets children apace , and becomes a very Cormudgion in the Country . CHARACTER . Of a common Acquaintance . HE wears out his bosome with embrasing every one , and dirties his palm with shaking them by the hand ; like a Spaniel he fawns upon every one he meets , and will needs know you whether you will or no ; he smiles on you , if you but look on him , and smile on him , and the acquaintance strait is made : his familiarity like engins of great swinges clasps easily , but without much violence can't be unclaspt again : He picks acquaintance out of every Face he has but seen once before , and cals every one he has but seen twice a friend ; after which follows kindred and affinity ( he having more Couzens than Will Summers had , and they are much as neer a kin , as Pach and he . In fine , his Plurality of acquaintance is but a Seraglio , or wild Concubinage , whilest your friend onely marries himself to one , and the Apetite of them is a disease in him , much like that of the Wolf , which makes him eat and ravine up every one , not knowing how of all surfeits that of Acquaintance is the worst , and they make themselves by it so common cheap , and contemptible , as any man that 's wise , had as lieve be the hundreth man in an Intaile , as the fiftieth man in their acquaintances . CHARACTER . Of a young Envoy . IF you would deceive him tell him truth , and believe what he sayes If you would deceive your self ; for he thinks he has publique faith enough , without needing any particular of his own : He is as intoxicate with his instructions , as a Scotch Presbyterian with reading the Apocalyps , and makes mists and misteries of state of every thing ; he thinks he onely understands the politick Wheels within , whilest the rest like dull Gazers onely behold the Dials hand without , for want of experience to know , what to keep secret and what not , he makes a secret of every thing , and not to be catcht , lies still upon the catch : so till he grow up to a greater State-engin : he is but a politique Mouse-trap yet : at the receit of good news , he wearies out himself and Horses with giving advice of it ; but at bad he is husht , and he and his horses rest ; onely his brain labours how to extinuate it ; deny it , or turn the ill report upon the enemy , till the shame and and novelty be over , which quaintly done , he gets more reputation , by lying than ever any got by telling truth : So returns he at last with reputation of a great Minister making Religion serve to State , & State to all destructive purposes , when his salvation may well be dispaired of , or finding his conduct of Affairs traduc'd at his return : In midst of the disgraces of Fortune and the Court , he may chance be sav'd at last , and dye Repentant , with this saying , of Woolsey in his mouth , That had he served God but half as faithfully as he did his Prince , he had never come to that . Of a degenerate Lord . HE is a certain seely thing , who since he had no voice in Parliament , scarcely knows what to say : He has made the name of Lord a mock name now , and almost as ridiculous as that of Lord of misrule was in antient times , and they shun him as they do , Lord have mercy upon us , upon doores ; and that deservedly ; for he has brought a plague upon himself , in imagining he should be any thing , whilest they were nothing , who made him all he is . As if the Stars should conspire to deprive the Sun of light , or streams to dry up the fountain , whence they flow'd ; when who would pitty them to see every farthing Candle , or Glow-worm out shine the one , and tothers swoln greatness at so low an ebb , as those boldly stride over it now , who before even trembled at the approach of it : Mean time he sneaks in his Title , like one in a stoln cloak , afraid to be seen in it : and none takes notice of him now , unlesse some one in scorn perhaps points at him , and sayes , there goes a Lord , or jostles him a purpose , who was wont in former times like Mandarious , to make whole streets retyre to give him way : All the priviledge of such Peers as these , being onely to have every base fellow without commission search their house , every Tradesman cite them before their worships at next shire Town , and the common Serjeant drag them away to prison , where they are honorably lodg'd in the Dungeon , whilest every Rug-gown and Apron-man , has priviledge to be Coacht thither , and lodg'd in the Rules or Master-sides : and this fine prerogative they have got , would needs pluck down the King , ( forsooth ) onely to be promoted to the Kings Bench themselves . CHARACTER . Of a high-spirited man . HIs minde is a thought higher than any other mans , and has influence even on his Body , and elevates that with all ; whence he walks on Terrasses , rather than on the ground , and should more scorn to be seen in plebean company , than in plebean cloathing ; nor can any look so high , but he'el borrow Galileas optique , or he'el look as high as they ; and a look , a squint is a fascination , makes him look a squint as far the other way : he is like a glasse that renders every one , the same countenance as they give him , and except God and his Prince , can soveraignly dispose of soul and body , he cares for offending none , who first offendeth him . He is more angry with himself than you when you answer not his salutation , and next time he meets ye be sure he 'le not answer yours : being as impatient when you undervalue him , as a proud City Dame , when you underbid her ware : and sooner stir'd up to disdain by a neglect than any cholerick man to anger by offence ; so t is hard putting an affront on him , but they shal seem to have received one who offered it : yet he 's more singular than proud , and though he knows his degrees of persons , knows himself so well withall , as he will converse with no subject but on equall terms , counts none greater that has a lesser minde than he : Loves Nobility not for their Titles , but their persons , and can onely smile on Princes ; As for the rest , he is civill and courteous , and that is all . CHARACTER . Of a Proud ●●ne SHe has as much in her of the Antient Counteship as would have served six of Queen Elizabeths Countesses , with their Coach-men and Foot-men bare , their Cup-bearer , serving them on the Knee , and women waiting about their Canopy of State : Yet is she nor Countesse , nor Lady neither ; but onely of pleasure , and at courtesie of the Country : She looks high and speaks in a majestique Tone , like one playing the Queens part at the Bull , and is ready to say , Blesse ye my good people all , as often as she passes by any company ; though she stirs no more when they do her Reverence than than if she had wish't , would I might never stir , and t' were a curse laid on her ; she paints to hide her Age , and to hide her painting dares not laugh , whence she has two counterfeit vizzards to put off a nights ; her painting and modesty , when she lies with her own face , though not with her own Husband : Mean time , her froid mine or stately demeanour , is variously censured , some saying t is for want of wit , others that she spends so many spirits a nights , It makes her the more dull a dayes : some that she 's founding an Order of undisparaged Concubines , and t is the modest habit they are to be cloathed in : others again , that shee 's like your tradse-women , who when they have custome enough , are proud and disdainfull , and must be sued too for their Ware : whilest those who want it are forc'd to sue to you . In fine , all accord in this , that she is more coy than becomes any honest woman , and all shee 's like to get , by her pride and statelinesse , is that whensoever there is a Parliament of courtesans , she should not be for the Commons , but the House of Lords . CHARACTER . Of a low spirited man . HE is low born , and never seeks to raise himself higher than his birth ; nor is this content or humility in him , but sloath and basenes : his soul lives in a cellar ; and all his words and actions , even to his very apparell favours of under breeding . The senciblest displeasure you can do him is to his Body ; and he is more troubled at losse of money , than reputation : he slinks in company , and playes at Boe peep behinde the rest , being such a friend of obscurity ; as you cannot do him a greater displeasure , than to take no notice of him in company : Like the sensible tree he contracts and shrinks up himself at every little touch , and looks on him ; and you daunt him , and strike his eys inward strait ; and his words congeale in his mouth through fear , and want breath still to finish a period : his language too is as low as the rest ; whilest he cals a valiant man a kill-cow , a jest , a frump , and urge him to make hast , and he will tell ye , he is none of the Hastings'es : for the rest , he speaks of every thing in the superlative , shewing the littlenesse of his minde , by counting all thing so great : so lives he , thinking , saying , and doing nothing , but mean things , in mean company and mean condition all his life , having neither virtue nor vice enough to raise himself above the common sort ; whence where you left him at his birth , there you finde him at his death , without making any progresse in the world at all : so many years having rather past over him , than he past over so many years , being onely able to render this accompt , when he comes to die , that he was just as long a dying as he did live . CHARACTER . Of a petty French Lutenist in England . HE is a fellow who coms into England with an ill meen , and thred-bare cloaths , and there presently sets up a Court of Judicature , arraigning both Musick , Instruments , and Musicians , for not being a la mode de France ; the twelve Ranks of strings o th' Lute , the double neck , the lessons , the method of ●laying , and almost the hands too , for not being mangy about the wrists like his : he belies great masters ; and teaches but his own imperfections : And if his fingers be so weak , they can scarce crawle o're a Lute , then to play gently and softly is the mode , and doucement is the word : and if so gouty and child-blaind , as he rakes the strings worse than if they were grated on by a ragged staff : then fort and Gallyard is the word , and strong and lusty is the mode agen ; and if you like not his play , he tels ye at least , that he has the only new method of Paris , and that he teaches a ravir and non pareille , and for his lessons ( which he has rakt out of Gualtiers dung-hill , or collected from the privy-house of Defaut ) he keeps them as precious reliques , giving such out for new , as were made before the Avignon , or the Popes coming there : He is fawning where he is a stranger , and saucy where he is familiar , having ever some vice to teach besides his art : In fine , he is the Mountebank of himself , and though he have nothing at all considerable to commend him , besides his own praises , and his being French ( for which reason one may commend the Pox as well ) yet there is such a charm in this word , a la mode , and the English are so besotted with it , as the first Frenchman has their money , who proffers to teach it them ; nor will this ever be remedied , till some such zealous patriot step up , as he who hearing them talk of the French Pox , bid them call it the English with a pox , swearing we had as good of our own , as the French had any . CHARACTER . Of a Flatterer . HE is a mid sort of Animal betwixt man and beast ; with the manners of beast , under the resemblance of a man : nay he is a compound of all base vilde beasts together , a Dog in fawning , an Ape in imitating , a Fox in faining and dissembling , and an Asse in suffering and bearing every thing : He is so base as he makes not only servitude his daily food , but even the ordures of those he serves : and is worse than those who sell themselves unto the Gally's , for they yet perform the offices of men , and have their minds free though their Bodies thrale : but he inslaves both mind and body too ; and can neither look with the assurance , nor speak with the confidence of a Free-born man : making a vilder merchandise the whilest , then he who sold Vrine , or the pallace smoak , for he for slight benefits sels his own Injuries , & to live a slave sells the dignity of an honest man ; neither do they make better merchandise , who purchase him , who whilst he sooths their humours , corrupts their manners , and flatters them into vice : being so infectious , as even to render those he flatters Archflatterers of themselvs , with his vild arts like those who Angle with intoxicating baits , catching them sooner ( t is true ) but rendring them nothing worth when they are caught : we may conclude then the prayer of him who of all wilde beasts desired to be delivered from a Tyrant , and of all tame , from a Flatterer , with this curse on the Flatterer , that he may never live but under tyrants , it being but just , that they should suffer the pain and penalty of their being such , who make them so . CHARACTER . Of a faire and virtuous Lady . SHe is the honour of her sex and that to beauty , as beauty is to others all grace and ornament , her virtue like a charm rendering her beauty invulnerable against malicious tongues ; and that which in others is fragile and of glasse , so malleable in her as it can neither be broke nor crackt , whence she onely has priviledge freely to dresse her self , without suspition of harm ; and enjoy all lawfull pleasures without danger of unlawfull ones ; whilst all is suspicious and dangerous in others : to conclude then , as antiently your semi gods in marrying with mortals communicated to them their divinity , so her beauty by the marriage of sacred virtue is consecrate and rendred all celestiall and divine ; those titles which others incuriously usurp , onely of right appertaining unto her , who becomes more venerable by age and imortall by death it self , her virtue having raised her above time and mortallity . CHARACTER . Of a quarrelsome Coxcomb . HE differs as much from a valiant man , as a wrangling sophister from a great Schollar , or dull rumbling thunder in a cloud , from your quick on , that breaketh forth in storms ; he is ready to give you the lye before you speak , and then contradicts you what so ere you say , when to avoid fighting , he tells you how often he has fought , and how many he has kil'd , and some believe him , because indeed they could never see any alive , whom he had fought withall , though others are of a contrary opinion , saying , of all men living , they would choose to be kil'ld by him , for so they should be sure to be still alive : He speaks all Sword , Rapier , & Poynard , & understands nothing but Cudgell and Bastinado , which he so richly merits , as besides Canes none but would rather want wood to burn , than for so necessary use as beating him , when he is quite strait , for though he be his Anger 's slave , Fear masters it : and t is just like a Nettle , handle it gently and it pricks you , but roughly and you break the point of it , after which , as before he was the fools valiant man , he becomes the valiant mans fool , and by degrees every ones , when once they find him out ; yet retains he somewhat of his former nature still , a dull grumbling and wrangling , ( that is , half quarrelling ) which makes him when he is offended in any company , go muttering away , saying , He cares no more for them than they care for him : which if so , he is the happiest man alive , for I know none lives freer from care than he . CHARACTER . Of a Complementer . YOur Complementer is a French familly , that came not in with the Conquest , but the corruption of England , unknown unto our honest Ancestors , who did as they said , and spoke as they meant ; he is the rack of conversation , and sets every ones joints a stretching : And in France he derives his pedegree from an accomply menteur or an accomplisht lyer : for complement is worse than equivocation , since that has alwayes some mentall reservation or lurking hole for truth , but this has none . T is the language of Hyperboly , and sometimes of Irony ; t is the language of the Court , where meaning walks for pomp and shew , with a long train of words ; and that the Courtier uses , to bob of suiters , or bob for those they are suiters too : In a word , t is the language of the Idle for to delight the vain , and but a speaking ceremony , as ceremony is but a dumb complement ; whence our new reformers hate it so much perhaps , as they have chang'd the stile into as much defect of Civility , as tother was in the excesse , they being faln now upon such a vain of clownishness ( or I may say ) not bluntnesse , but churlishnesse , not of plain dealing , but of plain divillishness , as if they hold on as they begin , pray God we do not wish for our complimenting dayes again , as far the better extremity of the two . CHARACTER . Of a young Enamourist . He 's one who as soon as he has quited his School-boyes Toyes , next Toy he gets is a Mrs when t' would make you forswear Love to see how ridiculously he makes it , and to hear him talk of Gods and Goddesses , you would take him for some Pagan never converted to Christianity . There is nothing so cold as to hear him talk of Flames , nor so dull as his discoursing of Cupids darts , and to hear him sigh like a dry Pump , or broken winded bellows ; you would neer wonder at Lapland Witches affording winds so cheap . Of all servants he is the necessariest and easiest to content and feed , for he is his Mrs. Squire , Dispenser , Laquey or Messenger , but above all her Fool , to which he is bound , by the proverb ; T is impossible to love and to be wise : Mean time , you may feed him cheaper than a Chamelion , for a good look serves him a week at least , and he is prouder of holding his Mrs. Busque or Fan , than a School Boy with a Scepter in his hand , playing the Emperors part i th School ; to keep him to which , his Mrs. lets him know that t is with Love as t is with War , which once declared you are to expect nothing but Hostility ; and knows her self , that t is with Lovers as t is with Anglers , who feed the Fish ere they are caught , but caught once feed on them : Whence she bites not greedily at the bait , but craftily tolls him on with hopes , & like Rope makers gos backwards still , the better to advance her work , and draw him on , mean while he follows her so long , till either he wax weary and ceases his persuit , or catches her tripping , and then fals down on her , when fastening her in the marriage nooz , he carries her away , and either turns kind Cuckold , and keeps open house for all , or jealous Coxcomb and shuts his doores against every one . Catologue . 1 OF a Lady of Excellent conversatition , 1. 2 Of one that is the foyle of Good conversation , 2. 3 Of an Excellent Companion , 6. 4 Of one that Zanys the good Companion , 8. 5 Of one that Imitates the good Companion another way , 10. 6 Of an Irresolute Person , 12. 7 Of a Fantastique Lady , 14. 8 Of a Green-sickness Girle , 16. 9 Of a Talkative Lady , 16. 10 Of a Taciturn Person , 20. 11 Of a Dutch Waggoner , 22. 12 Of a huge over-valuer of himself , 24. 13 Of an ordinary French Laquey , 26. 14 Of a Suspicious Person , 28. 15 Of Raillerie , 30. 16 Of one who troubles her self with every thing , 32. 17 Of one who troubles himself with nothing , 34. 18 Of a Chamber-maid , 38. 19 Of a Noblemans Chaplaine , 40. 20 Of an Impertinent Governant , 42. 21 Of a School of young Gentlewomen , 44. 22 Of a Novice , 46. 23 Of a Fille devote , 49. 29 Of an Inimitable Widdow , 51. 25 Of a more Imitable Widdow , 53. 26 Of a Fift Monarchy man , 55 28 Of an Importunate visitant , 57. 29 Of a French dauncing Master in England , 59. 30 Of your Town talkers , 61. 31 Of a horrible wicked and deboished person , 63. 32 Of a Valiant man , 65. 33 Of a all-admirable Person , 65. 34. Of a Gallant warriour , 68. 35 Of a miserable old Gentlewoman , 70. 36 Of a Ladies little Dogg , 72. 37 Of your Ladies Colonel 74 38. Of a School Boy . 76 39. Of one that shall be namelesse , 78 40. Of a pretty sweet Innocence ▪ 80 41. Of a scrupulous Honour ▪ 82 42. Of a Fleerer . 84 43. Of a make-bate . 86 44. Du Tour à la mode 88 45. Of a changable Disposition , 90 46. Of a Physitian 92 47. Of the Authors Idea or of a character 94 48. Of a dull Fellow 96 49. Of a bold abusive wit 98 50. Of a troublesome kindnesse 100 51. Of a Iansenist 103 52. Of a certain Nobleman 104 53. Of another 106 54. Of a Natural Beauty 105 55. Of a Artificial Beauty 107 56. Of a petty Politique 109 57. Of a hombred Country Gentleman 111 58. Of a common Acquaintance 113 59. Of a young Envoy 115 60. Of a degenerate Lord . 117 61. Of a high spirited man 119 62. Of a Proud one . 121 63. Of a low spirited man 123 64. Of a petty French Lutenist 125 65. Of a Flatterer 127 66. Of a faire and virtuous Lady . 129 67. Of a quarrelsome Coxcombe 130 68. Of a Complementer . 132 69. Of a young Enamorist . 134 Finis .