Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator. Peacham, Henry, 1576?-1643? 1636 Approx. 78 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 28 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A09194 STC 19501 ESTC S110325 99845888 99845888 10819 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A09194) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 10819) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1111:08) Coach and sedan, pleasantly disputing for place and precedence the brewers-cart being moderator. Peacham, Henry, 1576?-1643? [56] p. Printed by Robert Raworth, for Iohn Crowch; and are to be sold by Edmund Paxton, dwelling at Pauls chayne, neere Doctors-Commons, London : 1636. Dedication signed: Mis-Amaxius, i.e. Henry Peacham. With a title-page woodcut. Signatures: A-G⁴. Running title reads: A pleasant dispute between coach and sedan. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Carriages and carts -- Early works to 1800. Sedan chairs -- Early works to 1800. England -- Social life and customs -- Early works to 1800. 2002-02 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-02 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-03 TCP Staff (Michigan) Sampled and proofread 2002-03 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion COACH and SEDAN , Pleasantly Disputing for Place and Precedence The Brewers-Cart being Moderator . Spectatum admissi risum teneatis amici ? LONDON : Printed by Robert Raworth , for Iohn Crowch ; and are to be sold by Edmund Paxton , dwelling at Pauls chayne , neere Doctors-Commons . 1636. To the Valorous , and worthy all title of Honor , Sr. ELIAS HICKS , KNIGHT , and one of the honorable band of His Majesties Gentlemen Pensioners in Ordinarie . NOBLE SIR , THat I prefixe so deserving and eminent a name before such light stuffe : I doe n● more then Tavernes and Innes doe , with us heere in England , and in other Countreys , to credit their houses , hang up at the porch , the Pictures ( for signes ) of Kings ; Queenes , Princes and other eminent Persons , under whose subjection they live , or unto whom they stand most affected . The Great Turk sets his own stampe upon Terra Lemnia , an Earth , or Clay ; Virgil thought his Gnat not unworthy the view of Octavius Caesar : and with the same confidence I offer thes● few lea●es unto your view ; who are so belov'd at home , and honor'd ●br●ad , especially for that your memorable service somtime at Mount Auban in France , that Towne even to this day acknowledging her safety , and preservation to your valour onely , and whom for your resolution and forwardnesse in our late Fleete , your Noble Admirall , the Earle of Lindsey honored with the dignitie of Knighthood : If your selfe , Sir , or any else shall aske mee , If I had no better imployment to set my selfe about then this , I could answere them ; The wisest Counsellers and greatest Scholars have ever season'd , and sweetened their profoundest Studies , and greatest employments , with these and the like passages of inoffensive Mirth . Erasmus commended the Foole. Homer writing his Illiads , wrote also the battell betweene Froggs and Mise . Fannius extolled the Nettle ; Sir Phillip Sydney made good sport with Rhombus his Countrey Schoole-master : and the like many others . Besides , wee live in that Age , wherein Difficile est Satyram non scribere . But the trueth is , I being at this time in hand with a serious and laborious work for the Presse , ere long to see light ; my Printer desired of mee , that hee might not sit idle in the meane time . Sir I take my leave , desiring to bee remembred and recorded among the number of those , who for your owne worth and goodnesse , truely love and honour you . February 19. 1636. Yours ever , Mis●maxi●s . To the Reader . AS it is usuall in Countrie , and homely houses , when guests come upon the suddaine , to tell them at the porch before hand , what they shall find within ; So I heere at thy entrance ( Ingenious Reader ) tell thee there is not so good provision for thy entertainement , as I could wish ; wherefore resolvedly with the Cynick I say ( who inviting great personages to a dinner of Radishes , Salt and Bread , and being by some blamed ) answered , If they bee my friends they wil bee content with any thing , if onely to fill their bellies , this is too good for them . And to say truth , I am sorry I come forth no better provided , I am no ordinary Pamphleter , I would have thee to know ; onely in Mirth I tried what I could doe upon a running subject , at the request of a friend in the Strand : whose leggs not so sound as his Iudgement , enforce him to keepe his Chamber , where hee can neither sleepe or studie for the clattering of Coaches : I shew'd him the Booke ; he smil'd , and onely wrote underneath out of Martial . Dum vernat Rosa , dum madent capilli Tunc te vel rigidi legant Catones . Vale quisquis es . To my worthy friend the Author . WHo is it ( under thirty ) that beleeves Big-bellied-dublets , made with cloak-bag-sleeves , That would hold pecks a peece ? Wings , that belowe The elbowe reach't ? And for the better shewe , Every large Button that went downe the brest , ( Broade as an Halfe-crowne Piece ) to grace the rest ? When the short breech , not reaching past the knee , ( Crosse-garter'd at the hamme ) a man might see The Calfe apparant ; with the anckle-joynts , Not Frenchified ( as now ) with Aglet points To hide their gowtie shin-bones ; when the ruffe Wide , as a Fore Coach-wheele , with starch enough , Weare onely in the fashion ? A●d ( Friend ) than Some Coaches w●re in use , but no Sedan : Nor doe I thinke , but if the Cust●m● were T'●ee hurryed in Wheele-barrowes , t'w●ld appeare ( In processe ) well : and they would take the wall Of Carres , of Coaches , of Sedans and all . And wh● can tell , whether 't bee now a breeding ? And may perhaps pr●●e so in Times succeeding . N●● when wee l●st discourst , close by the Mill , Which over-lookes the Towne from Hamst●d-hill , Thou told'st mee of this project ; I then said , This thy dispute there t●lk't of , and since made , I thought would apt this age , and further v●w'd , 'T should bee no sooner finish't , and alow'd . But that I would Commend ( as all may se● ) It , to the World first : Next myselfe to thee . Anonymos . A PLEASANT DISPVTE Betwene COACH , and SEDAN . IT was just , about the time , when the Cu●kow ( not daring to come neerer to the Citie then ●slington ) warned the Milk-maides , it was high time to bee gone with their pailes into Finsburie : and nodding to the Cheshire Carriars , told them if they made no more hast , they would not reach Dun●table that night ; when my selfe with an English-Tailor , and a French-man ( who newly were come out of France ) where they had spent halfe a yeere to learne , and bring home the newest fashions there , to their Ladies heere in England ) comming downe Iack-●●●apes lan● , wee perceived two lustie fellowes to justle for the wall , and almost readie to fall together by the eares , the one ( the lesser of the two ) was in a suite of greene , after a strange manner , windowed before and behind with Isen-glasse , having two handsome fellowes in greene coats attending him , the one even went before , the other came behind ; their coates were lac'd downe the back with a greenē-lace sutable , so were their halfe sleeves , which perswaded me at first they were some cast s●i●●● of their Masters ; their backs were harnessed with leather cingles● cut out of a hide , as broad as Dutch-collops of Bacon , whereat I wondred not a little , being but newly come out of the Countrie , and not having se●ne the like before . The other was a thick burly square sett fellow , in a doublet of Black-leather , Brasse-button'd downe the brest , Backe , Sleeves , and winges , with monstrous wide bootes , fringed at the top , with a n●t fringe , and a round breech ( after the old fashion ) guilded , and o● his back-side an Atcheivement of sundry Coats in ●heir propper colors , quarterd with Crest , ●Helme and Mantle , besides heere and there , on the sides a single Es●ut●hion or ●rest , with some Emble●aticall word or other , I supposed , they were made of some Pendants , or Ba●ners that had beene stollen , from over some Monument , where they had long liuing in a Church . Hee had onely one man before him , wrapt in a red cloake , with wide sleeves , turned up at the hands , and cudgell'd thick on the backe and shoulders with broad shining lace ( not much unlike that which Mummers make of strawen hatts ) and of each side of him , went a Lacquay , the one a French boy , the other Irish , all sutable alike : the French-man ( as I learned afterward ) when his Master was in the Countrey , taught his Lady , and her daughter French ; Vshered them abroad to publike meetings , and assemblies , all saving the Church , whither shee never came : The other went on errands , help'd the maid to beate Bucks , fetch in water , carried up meate , and waited at the Table . I seeing them so hot , and hearing such rough , and disgracefull words to passe betwixt them , and fearing they would presently have mischief'd one another , I earnestly desired the Tailor and French-man , to make haste along with me , to part them , and to see the peace keept , as it is the dutie of every honest subject ; The Tailor fearing his skinne , and not having ( as the saying is ) halfe the heart of a man , tooke him to his heeles , and runne away ; the French-man , under a colour to fetch the Tailor backe againe , ranne as fast as hee , whom to this day I could never set eye on . Seeing my selfe left to my selfe , I stepped in to them , and in coole and friendly manner , thus I began . Gentlemen , albeit I am a stranger unto you both , yet the Law of Nations , yea and of Nature too , requireth that humane Societie should be maintained , the life of man preserved , and the peace of that Common-wealth , wherein wee live , by all possible meanes advanced ; wherefore let me intreate you to forbeare one another , if either of you bee pleased to intimate unto mee , the ground and occasion of your grevance , I will doe my best to compose your strife : quarrells , both in this age and Kingdom , are growne poore and ridiculous ; and to chalenge the field of any man , is either to choose his owne death , or an halter : It is true my my friends ( quoth I ) the times were , if one man had slaine another , hee might presently have taken Sanctua●y ( usuall also among the Iewes ) or being taken , have put in baile , or fled unto some private friend , where he might have kept out of the way , and have beene sheltred , untill by meanes of a Courtier , hee had procured his pardon , for a small matter ; or else , as in Germanie and the Low-Countr●ys , have gotten some handsome young wenc● to have begged him for her husba●d ( for if I bee not deceived , they love English-men well ) but those dayes are gone , and the necessitie of our times , require stricter courses to bee taken ; otherwise our streets of London , like Leig● , Venice , Paris , Pad●● , Millan , Rome , and other places , would every night , ring with out-cries of blood-shed and murder , especially , being pestered at this time , with such varietie of sundry Nations , which till of late was strange to London , but as good lucke was , they had no weapons ( save one whip ) betwixt them both . They hearing mee talke sensibly , and but reason , they began to bee som-what pacified ; hee in the Leather , with brasse Studds and Buttons , demanding what I was ; I told him I was a peece of a Schollar , and had seene the World abroad in my travells , in many Countreys , and was now returned to make use ( for the good of my selfe , and Countrey ) of whatsoever I formerly had knowne , or seene ; and here-upon I required his name . My name Sir ( quoth hee ) is Coach , who am a Gentleman of an auncient house , as you may perceive by my so many quarter'd coates , of Dukes , Marquises , Earles , Viscounts , Baro●s , Knights , and Gentlemen , there is never a Lord or Lady in the land , but is of my acquaintance ; my imployment is so great , that I am never at quiet , day or night : I am a Benefactor to all Meetings , Play-houses , Mercers shops , Taverns , and some other houses of recreation , for I bring them their best customers , as they all know well enough . This other that offers mee the wrong , they call him Mounsier Sedan , some Mr. Chaire ; a Greene-goose hatch'd but the other day ; one that hath no leggs to stand upon , but is faine to bee carried betweene two , and whereas hee is able with all the helpe and furtherance hee can make and devise , to goe not aboue a mile in an houre ; as grosse as I am , I can runne three or foure in halfe an houre ; yea , after dinnner , when my belly is as full as it can hold , ( and I may say to you ) of daintie bitts too . Sedan . Sir , the occasion of our difference was this ; Whether an emptie Coach , that had a Lords dead painted Coate and Crest , as Lion , Bull , Elephant , &c. upon it without , might take the wall of a Sedan that had a Knight alive within it : Coach swore hee would proove by the law of Armes , and all He●aldry , hee ought to doe it . I stood against him , and told him , it was against all Law whatsoever , and that our Master would avouch : hereupon , hee threatned to have us all put downe , and that I should not passe whe●esoever hee came , much lesse have any Precedence . It is true , my name is Sedan , and I am ( I confesse ) a meere stranger , till of late in England ; therefore if the Law of Hospitalitie be observed ( as England hath beene accounted the most hospitable Kingdome of the World , ) I ought to be the better entertained , and used , ( as I am sure I shall ) and find as good friends , as Coach hath any , it is not his bigge lookes , nor his nimble tongue , that so runnes upon wheeles , shall scare mee ; hee shall know that I am above him both in esteeme , and dignitie , and hereafter will know my place better ; but in the meane time , I will doe nothing without good advice . Neither I hope , will any thinke the worse of mee , for that I am a Forreiner ; hath not your Countrey Coach of England beene extreemly enriched by strangers : Who in your own opinions , have attained to perfection in any excellent Art , or Science , but they ? Who makes all your delicate , and most excellent Pommanders and Perfume for our Ladies here , but Italians ? Who fits our Lords and Ladies so exactly with varietie of fashions , even from the Perruke to the Pumpe , and Pantofle , as the French ? And who so curiously skilfull ( to the great benefit of this Kingdome ) in painting of Paving-tiles for Chimneys , making conceited Babies for Children , Hobby-horses , Rattles , Bristle-brushes checkered blacke and white , for which wee are much beholden to the Wes●phalian Swine , and Spanish black Hoggs : with such varietie of Drinking-pots , Beades , and Whistles ; to making of which , neighbour Coach , you know not how to turne your hand : Nay , whereas you , five or sixe houres together , are faine to stand wayting at the Court gate , Play-house , or you wot where ; I am many times admitted into a Ladies chamber , had to the fire , dried , rub'd , and made cleane both within and without ; but the plaine troath is ( Coach ) I will no longer bee made a foole by you ; I will have it tried , though it cost me a fall , whither I bee as fit to walke the streets as you , or no , and to take my place ever next to the wall , when all the World knoweth , the kennell is your naturall walke . I would ( quoth I , it is true ) have strangers well intreated , but not so to doate on them as ordinarily wee doe , as if we were guilty to our selues of such grosse ignorance , and asinine stupidity , wee should thinke nothing well done , except an Italian , French , or Dutch-man have a hand in it , ( the best is ) sounder judgements are not infected with this opinion ; these are but the Fancies of fooles , and women . But I now beleeve Sedan you are made a free denizen , and may safely passe wh●re you please with-out any cont●oule , or question about your freedome , and think your selfe as good as Coach , saving that hee hath more liberty then you , going abroad in the Countrey at his pleasure . For my part I am acquainted with neither of you , onely Signior Coach , some twenty , or fowre and twenty yeares since I knew you , by the same token your guide was drunke , and had not certaine Noble Ladyes by my advice , walked on foote over those little bridges betweene Gormanchester and Huntington on foote , they had layne ( where you , and your man lay ) over the head and eares in a River very deepe of Mud : these mischances I confesse befall you but somtimes , and that is , when your horses have beene watered in a Noble-mans-buttery , or a Marchants Cellar . Beeing in this discourse comes whistling by with his Carre , a lus●ie tall fellow red-hayr'd , and cheekes puffed and swolne as if hee had beene a Li●colne-shire-baggpiper , or a Dutch-Trumpeter under Grobbendonck , in a Canvas frocke , a red-cap , a payre of high-shooes , with his whip in his hand : I calling ●nto him , hee stayed , and asked me what I would , I craved his name , hee told me Roger Dudgin , and that his dwelling was at Puddle-wharfe ; in good time , ( quoth I ) you may stand us in good stead to end a controversie heere betweene two strangers , yet I doubt not but you know them well-enough ; what are they ( quoth he ? ) why Coach and Sedan , said I , cannot agree for place and precedence . You are a dweller in the Citie , and may soone end the difference ? Car. The Divell agree them for me , I can never goe in quiet for them , by day nor by night ; they talke of Rattle Snakes in New-England , I am sure these bee the Rattle Snakes of old England , that keepe the whole Citie from their naturall rest ; it is long of them that poore Prentices are raysed vp ( before their houre ) to their worke , when their Masters who have bin hard at it , at the Taverne overnight , would ( but for their ratling ) have lyen till nine or tenne ; poore Maids who were raised out of their beds to washing or skowring of their Brasse and Pewter , cannot take a nap in their shops : Children that goe in a morning to schoole , or of errands in the streete , goe in danger of their lives . Noe man having his Chamber neere to the streete , can be private , or followe his studie , Coach , for your noyse ; and in streets about the Suburbs , and places unpaved , you so bee-dash Gentle-mens Cloakes or Gownes , without all shame and civilitie ; that let a man but come from St. Iames to Charing-Crosse and meete you in his way , one would sweare by his dirtie Cloake , he had come po●t from St. Michaels-Mount in Cornwall . I marvell whence we had you at first Coach ; if you and all your fellowes were on a light fire upon Hounslowe-heath , the matter were not great ? Coach. It were better a hundred such rascally Carmen as you were hang'd ? Carman . Sirrah , you Robin-redbrest , wish your Lady to pay my Master for foure loade of Billets , which hath beene owing him ever since the great snow a twelue-month agoe . Coach. Well Iack-sauce , we shall talke with you , when you come back from Tyborne . Car. Nay I prithy Coach goe along with me . and I will have done with thee there presently . Coach. Sirrah , goodman rogue , pay my Master for an old Coach-horse , you had to put in your Carre ; and heere 's your companion Sedan , almost in as good credit in the Citie , as your selfe . Powel . Does i● talk against i● Master ; pray you Master stay heere a little while , while i● runne to Shrewsbury , to fetch a Welch-hooke , her great Grand-father gave her father , when her was a great souldier to Sir Rice ap Thomas , at Milford haven , when i● Countrey-man , King Henry the s●ven came into Wales , it is in Shrewsbury , and lies over her hostesses beds head , at the signe of the Goate and the Greene Leeke . Sedan● Powell ; you Welch-men are well t●mper'd , but you smell a little too much of the fire : Mr. Coach of Hackney , hath a cooling-card dealt him already ; hee may walke now whither he will , to Vtopia , New England , or the Amazons ; for those Ladies , after they are weari● of riding , love to bee carried . Wee Sedans ma● now goe quietly by you , without nick-names , nor shall wee ever have halfe those curses of the people , you are wont to have ; in every streete and lane , wee take up lesse roome as wee goe along ; wee are of an easier charge , our journeys are short , we carrey no Lackquies , or Foot-boyes , when we are emptie , nor have we to doe with D●● Turn-up , and Peg Burn-it , your ●ilken wenches of Hackney , to car●y them to the Red-Bull , and other Play-houses , to get trading , or Citizens wives to St. Albanes , South-mimme , Barnet , Hatfeild , Waltham , I●ford , Croidon● Brainford , and other places , under a colour of seeing their children at nurse to banquet with their sweet-hearts and companions , the match being agreed upon a moneth before ; wee pleasure the lame , sicke , weake , and impotent , women with child , and such as are corpulent and unweldly , and are not able to endure the jolting of a Coach , wee defend , and keepe Gentlemen , and Ladies from the fogge , and rotten mistes , that morning and evening arise in Townes and Cities , neere to great Rivers , and many other stinking and grose exhalations , which corrupt the lungs ( as dewes and mistes rot sheepe ) breed long and dangerous Coughs , and Catarrhes ; the very breath wee breath , being nothing else then ra●ified water : moreover , wee are places fit for privacie , or meditation , where a man may reade or studie , even in the midst of the throng , and open street , which men in Law-suites , and businesse of weightie importance , oft times stand in great need of ; beside , we have our name from Sedanum , or Sedan , that famous Citie and Vniversitie , belonging to the Duke of Bovillon , and where h●e keepes his Court. Powell . Nay , doe you heare mee Master , it is from Sedanny , which in our British language , is a brave , faire , daintie well-favoured Ladie , or prettie sweete wench , and wee carrie such somtime Master ; but tou sone . Carman . Well , may a man now passe quietly by you both ; hayt , stand up there . Coach. Carman be gone , and keepe a good tongue in your head , and while you live , give way to your betters . Carman . Never to the Devills Carter , while I live . Coach. Well well sirrah , there is a place called Bridewell . Carman . Yes marrie , where some of your fine carriage hath beene lodg'd many a time and often . Powel . This Rogue will never have done , shall I beate him Master . Sedan . Powell by no meanes , for that 's the next way to bee beaten our selves ; they are sturdie companions , and there is a world of them about the Citie . Being all this while in such like discourse as this , the morning began to be well up , and people in the streetes to cluster about us , like the ballet-singers auditorie , when by chance , came by a plaine Countrie Farmer , who newly it seemed , had passed the Thames ( for a Waterman followed him with a bag full of writings or such like ) and demanded of mee what the matter was , I told him in briefe that there were two ( well knowne in the Citie , Coach and , Sedan ) fallen out about superioritie , and place , and in a contention , which of them should deserue best of the common-wealth . Water-man . Deserve ( quoth the Water-man ) they deserve both to bee throwne into the Theames , and but for stopping the channell I would they were ; for I am sure where I was woont to have eight , or tenne , fares in a morning , I now scarce get two in a whole day , our wives and children at home are readie to pine , and some of us are faine for meanes to take other professions upon us , as some in frostie weather to gather Dog-wood for Butchers , to get burch and broo●●e for beesomes , and sometimes to catch birdes with lime , or set springes in the marshes for water fowle , honest shifts , it is true , in necessitie . But wee are an auncient companie , and though the last in the ranke of companies , yet are wee the first and chiefe in getting our livings honestly ( and as God commandeth ) with the sweate of our browes , our profession is free from deceit and lying , which many trades are subject unto , and being the most of us strong of bodie , and skilfull upon the water , wee are able ( and as ordinarilie we doe ) to serve our Soveraigne in his fleete Royall , or armies by land , many of us being Westerne men , of Somerset , Glocester , Wiltshire , and and other places there abouts , who generally are esteemed the strongest , and most active men of England , when take one of your common , or hackney coachmen from his boxe , hee is good for nothing except to marry some old Ale-wife , and bid his old acquaintance welcome , to turne horse-courser , become a Gentlemans baylie or butler in the Countrie , or by meanes of some great man , get a place in an hospitall ; I speake to shew the incertaintie of service : not onely in regard of them , but others . Wee serve God and our King onelie , and some of us for countenance sake , or affection , weare the coates and badges of Noble-men , which dependance impeacheth not our liberties , no whit at all . The Coach upon the least error committed , either mistaking his way in an evening , the falling lame of an horse , though not his fault , breaking of a wheele , overthrowing his coach against an hill side , tree-roo●e , or the like , hee is presently sent to seeke a new master , yet are some of them growne so proud because they are advanced i● the streete above their Lord and Master , they cannot afford us inferior water-men ( that labour beneath them in the liquid Element ) a good looke , or a good word . As for you , Master Sedan , you are the hu●bler , and I beleeve the honester of the two , I heare no great ill of you , nor have I had any acquaintance with your cowcummer-cullor'd men , onely I beleeve you are a close companion : and that you conceale most of our delicate feminine fares , in your boxes by land , that were woont to bee our best customers by water , for Coach his seentence is past , and except you tread evenly you may follow after . Countrey-man . Nay honest water-man give not so rash a censure , wee must not gainesay what the state tolerateth , for some reasons perhaps unknowne to us , neither will I enquire ; my Sedan in the Countrey is a plaine Wheel●barrow , and my Coach my cart , wherein now and then for my pleasure I ride , my maides going along with me , with their Forkes , Rakes , and a bottle or two of good Bee●e , with an Apple-pastie , Potted butter , Churne-milke , bread and cheese , and such like , into the fields in Summer-time to cocke corne , make hay , and the like ; and now and then , on Faire and Market-dayes I walke with a neighbour or two to the Faire or Market , to buy , or sell , and having drunke a dozen of Ale amongst us , wee come home the same night , scarse feeling the ground wee tread on : and if our great Lords and Knights would use their leggs as wee doe , they would not ( so many of them ) bee troubled with the Goute , Dropsies , and other diseases , which grow upon them , through ease , fulnesse of Diet , drinking many sorts of Wine , and want of bodily exercise ; I won●er in my heart , why our Nobilitie and Gentrie cannot in faire weather , walke the streets as they were wont , as I have seene the Earles of Shrewsbury , Darbie , Sussex , Cumberland , Essex , Northampton , with most of our Barons , without any disparagement to their Honours . Beside those unimitable Presidents of Courage and Valour , Sir Francis Drake , Sir Philip Sydney , Sir Martine Frobisher , Sir Thomas Bas●ervile , with a number others ; when a Coach was as rare almost to bee seene as an Elephant : I would our Coached and Caroched Gallants , who think their feet too ●ood to tread upon Mother Earth , had , or were ever likely to deserue so well of their King and Countrey , or could but shew those scarres , leave such a testimonie of their vertues to after-ages , as these Foot-men have done , who were the true sonnes of Honour : yea and many times have I seene some of them walke to the farthest part of the Citie and to invite them s●lves in love to di●ne● to ●n Alderman or Mer●hants table , and other private houses as they thought good , as the Noble George E. of Cumberland to Master Garrets an Apothecarie in Lime-street , Sir Francis Drake to Alderman Martines in Cheap side , and the rest in like manner , where they were content with such as they found , and were each with other heartily merrie , and as truely welcome ; having perhaps learned this of A●gustus Caesar , who would leave his Court , and goe eate and drinke familiarly in the private houses , of his Romane Citizens : for Majestie and greatnesse ( like a bow ) cannot stand so long extent but must have ( by fits ) a relaxation , and as the most daintiest dishes of flesh or fish , have commonly their sauces prepar'd of meane and course things , as onions , vineger , water and the like , so privacie and converse with inferiors among great persons , as also homely sports , and exercises , take off and sweeten the teadiousnesse of rugged cares and high emploiment : as when I was a Grammar-scholler our master to revive our spirits dulled with studie , would make us Comoedies , and because even now I spoke of Onions I will repeat the prologue of one of our plaies , which I my selfe spoke upon the stage , and it was this . Even as the Duck in river navigable , Is serv'd with Onions to a great mans table ; So , will wee doe our best to give co●te●t , To the meanest of this rascall ●ablement . Which I pronouncing distinctly , and with a good grace I was mervailously applauded ( by clapping of hands ) of the multitude ; maides tossed apples to mee , and our Schoole-masters wife offered me her bottle of Rosa-solis to drink , and I well remember too , at that time a Knight of our Countrie ( who this last yeere married his Mothers Chamber-maide , ( and birladie , maintaines her in her Coach , with foure horses ) plaid the foole most admirably ; yea , I knew a Lord , who journeying in the Countrey , would leape out of his coach , to play a game at stoole-ball with Country Wenches ; and one time above the rest ; when a Gentleman of his told him it was past three a clock , and that they had yet twenty miles to ride , hee called for a watch , and set it backe to twelve , now said my Lord , wee shall have time enough ; I will have the other game . And one thing ( Coach ) I am sure of , it was never good world with us in the Country , since you and your fellowes have so multiplied ; the Devill of good house is any where kept , where you have to doe ; and I have observed , where a Coach is appendant , but to two or three hundred pounds a yeere , marke it , the doggs of that house are as leane as rakes , you may tell all their ribbs lying by the fire , and Tom-a-Bedlam may sooner eate his horne , then get it fill'd with small dri●ke , and for his old almes of Bacon , there i● no hope in the world ; I may tell you , some houses of thousands by the yeere , are become little better ; when a poore labouring man that hath perhaps liv'd all his time in the parish , shall hardly get a loade or two of Hay to keepe his Cow al winter , but the Baily tells him his Lady cannot spare it from her owne Ki●e , and Coach-horses , and now adaies , wee must pay two shillings for a pecke of Oate-meale , which wee were wont to have for sixteene , or eighteene pence , and all long of Coach-horses : before ( Coach ) you came into request , one of these houses maintained sixteene , or twenty Propper tall fellowes , to march from the Kitchin to their Masters table , in their blew coates and Cognisances , every man carrying a dish of good meat , either boyld , or roast , now the case is so altered , that the Coach-man alone must take upon him three or foure of the prime Offices about the house ; without dores , hee is Gentleman of my Ladies horse , and Coach-man ; within , hee is Butler and chamberlaine ; and if strangers come , perhaps some poore boy of the Towne is sent for to assist him , for the scraping of Trenchers , and emptying chamber-pots ; who within a day or two must returne to the place from whence he came ; and if ( Coach ) your man have ever beene versed in brewing , or baking , hee must undertake that too ; I heard my boy , who is now at Cambridge , say out of Aristotle ( which is well observed in your great houses now adayes ) frustra fit per plur● , quod fieri p●test per p●●●ci●ra . And by the Logicall fallacie , Compositionis et divisionis , they will make two eggs pa●se for three , and many times turne away their cooke for roasting a whole brest of Mu●ton to break-fast , when he should have roasted but halfe ; as a great man both of ranke and revenue , some one or two and thirty yeeres since , set his cooke in the stocks at Huntingdon upon the very same occasion , as the cooke ( fast by the heeles ) told me himselfe , all this Coach I can impute to none other then your selfe , and your appurtenances ; nay , let a man have never so earnest an occasion of businesse with your Knight or Ladie , at your houses , let him come at dinner time , hee may knocke his heart out ere any body will heare ; and indeed , to speake truely , I blame them not , for , Venter non habet aures , saith the old Proverbe . I knew a Knight , an especial friend of mine , of himselfe a free and and a Noble Gentle-man● who lay sicke of a Burning-feaver , or Causos ( as the Phisicians call it ; ) and a very skilfull Gentleman , both a Phisitian and a Chyrurgian , being sent unto him by a Iustice of Peace ( his loving friend and neighbour by , in the countrey ) who much tendred his health , the Physitian came at night , wringing wet in snow and raine , when his Ladie was at supper , where hee continued knocking , and could not be let in , but was faine that night to take his supper , and lodging at the next Ale-house in the towne , and before morning the good Gentleman was dead , whom blood-le●ting ( the present remedie in hot-feavers ) that night , by all likelyhood might have saved , hee being in his best yeeres , strong and able of body , of sanguine complexion , and his spirits not yet spent , or decayed by the vigor of the disease : and most lamentable it is , to see ( upon fasting-dayes , or in time of Lent ) how closely , the poore Eele , Haddock , and Herring are imprisoned , and so strongly kept up , within barred and bolted gates ; that if a man would give ●ever so much , as but to speak in private with any one of them , or whisper in his eare , hee should not bee admitted . And now I speake of whispering , I remember a good fellow of Goose-toft , neere Boston , came to a Fish-monger in that market , who had Mackerels to sell ( a fish very rare in those parts ) and taking up a Mackerell in his hand , whispered in the Mackerills eare , then he laid the Mackerills mouth to his eare ; which the Fish-monger observing , said ; Friend doe you make a foole of my fish , and of your selfe too ? No , said the fellow , I make bold , but to aske him when hee was at Sea , and hee tells mee not these three weekes , but this by the way . And Coach , twice or thrice a yeare you must needes make a boone voyage to London with your Ladie , under a cullor to bee new cullourd , guilded or painted , covered , seated , shod , or the like , when her errand indeede is as one saith well , speaking to such Ladies , as love to visit the Citie . To see what fashion most is in request , How is this Countesse , that Court Ladie drest : While yee your beauteous faces , so disguise , Wee neither see , your fore-head , nor your eyes , ( That woont the seates , and Indices to bee , Of Spirit , Love , and ingenuitie . Like Dutch boores houses , where the straw hangs over The low thatch'd ●aves , & doth th● windowes cover . Hence it happens , Coach , that by your often ambling to London , Sir Thomas , or Sir Iohn , sinks ( as in a quick-sand ) by degrees , so deep into the Merchant , Mercer , or Taylors booke , that hee is up to the eares , ere hee be aware , neither can he be well drawne out without , a teame of Vsurers , and a craftie Scrivener to bee the fore-horse , or the present sale of some land , so that wise-men suppose this to bee one maine and principall reason , why within a Co●ch journey , of a day or two from the Citie , so many faire inheritances , as have beene purchased , by Lord-Majors , Aldermen , Merchants , and other rich Citizens , have not continued in a name to the third , yea , scarce the second generation , when go farre North or Westward , you shall find many families , and names , both of the Nobilitie and gentrie , to have continued their est●tes two , three hundred yeeres and more , in a direct succession ( as in Cumberland , and N●rthumberland , the families of the Graies , Groystocks , Lowthers● Musgraves , with many other in Yorkeshire , of the Dacres , Scroopes , Nevell● , Huddlestones , Savill● , &c. The like may bee said of Lan●ashire Cheshire , Devonshire , Sommersetshire , Norfolke , Suffolk , and many other places ●at remote from London ) without racking or raising of rents ; or inclosing of whole Townes , and Lord-ships : which every where ( neighbour Coach ) they say is long of you , and your costlie carriage . As for you Sedan , I heare no great complaint of you , save that my Wife and Daughter thinks that you have made Say dearer then it was woont to bee , for whereas they used to buy it for sixteene pence a yard , you have brought it to two shillings● seven and eight groats , and and none of the best neither , and Co●ch I entreat you if ( you beeing now banished the Citie ) happen to come into our Countrie of Lincolnshire ; let me know of it , that I may remove my selfe , tenne miles off from where you shall have to doe : Sedan because you are a stranger you shal be the welcomer of the two ; for as yet you were never seene in our parts . But to be short , my masters agree as you can , I must follow my law occassions , and to tell you true I can skill of neither of you , and so fare-ye-well . Sedan . Coach doe yee see , how neither in Coun●rie or Citi● , any one can give you a good word , you have carried your selfe well in the meane 〈◊〉 , have you not● Powell . Her would hang i● selfe before shee would have so great deale of ill words in the world . Coach-man . Welch-man keepe you quiet , there is no great feare , or danger of you , but when our Coach-ma●es and horses , are put to grasse . Powell . Sirrah you Grimalkin , who was a knave and a foole , when your Ladie being pig with schild , and could not endure the jolting of her Coach up that s●eepe stonie hill beyonnd Ferribrigges in York-shire , you made her sell two exellent stout mares , to buy a couple of ambling horses , beleeving as long as they ambled , shee could never bee jolted , where was her wit then . Coach-man . Well well Wood-pecker , wee shall meete with you when time serves . Powell . I le meete her where and when her dare . Heere I interposed my selfe and said before the companie ; truely honest Coach ( if I be not deceived in your name ) I cannot see but you may passe well eno●gh , concerning that plaine Country man and his speach , you must know , that the common people of the Countrie affect not , very well , the Gentrie , nor the Gentrie them , there beeing a kind of Antipathy betweene them : First they envie Gentlemen , as living more plentifully and at ease then themselues . Invidus al●erius rebus macrescit ●pimis : againe they doe not greatly love them , because Gentlemen hold them in a kind of aw , and they are fearefull to displease them . Oderunt quem metuunt . Thirdly if they bee tennants , their rents are often raised , if strangers , they ar● overlaid many times with leavies , and paiments either to the King , or some publique charg●s and occasion in the Countrie , and sometimes extraordinarie curtesies by great men ( their neighbours ) are exacted of them , which grumblinglie they yeeld unto , as borrowing their Carts , to fetch home ( five or tenne miles off ) Stone , Coales , Timber , and the like , sometimes their Cattaile to Plough their grounds , or helpe home with harvest , sometime they are troubled with bringing up a whelp or two , till they become ravenous ●ounds , and undoe a poore man in his dayrie , and if they bee faulconers , they must afford them Pigeons , from their dove-coates , besides New-yeers-gifts , which are conditioned in leases , and with the yeerelie paiments of rent , as Capons , Geese , Henns , Lambes , Conies , Neates-Tongues , Pigges , Swannes , all manner of Fish , and wild-●oule , with a thousand such . I ommit the generall murmur , and complaint of the whole Countrie against them , for depopulation , inclosures , and encroaching upon publique commons ; nor is it to bee forgotten , how in levies , ceasements , and charges of Armes at publique Musters , they can befriend themselves , and in the last place ( as hee said truely , their miserable house-keeping , wherein had they beene , free and liberall , they might have made some part of amendes for the rest , but commonly the poore of parishes are faine to bee releeved , by the Farmer , Husband-man , and the middle ranke , or else they must starve , as many upon my knowledge did this last Snowie-winter . I taxe not all , God-for-bid , there are numbers left , who with their fore-fathers landes , inherit their noble vertues , of Loyaltie , Fortitude , Bountie , Charitie , Love , to learning ( learned themselves ) and whatsoever is good or excellent . I condemne not , neither , the lawfull use of Coaches , in persons of ranke and qualitie , yea and in cases of necessitie : no more then I doe tilted Boates and Barges upon the water , they defend from all injurie of the skie , Snow , Raine , Haile , Wind , &c. by them is made a publique difference , betweene Nobiliti● , and the Multitude , whereby their Armories without speaking for them , they are known and have that respect done to them , as is due to them : they are seates of Honour for the sound , beds of ease for the lame , sick and impotent , the moving closets of brave Ladies , and beautifull virgins , who in common sence , are unfit to walke the streets , to be justled to the ke●nell , by a sturdie Porter , or breathed upon by every base Bisogn● : they are the cradles of young children , to be convei'd with their Nurses , too , or from their parents into the Citie or Countrie . And if all Inventions have their just , and due praise from the goodnesse of their Endes , whereto they were ordained ; surelie the Coach invented for the necessarie use and service of man cannot bee condemned , if regard bee had to those circumstances , of Person , Time , and Place . Their first invention and use was in the Kingdome of Hungarie , about the time when Prier George , compelled the● Queene and her young sonne the King , to seeke to Soliman the Turkish Emperour , for aid against the Frier , and some of the Nobilitie , to the utter ruine of that most rich &c flourishing Kingdome , where they were fi●●t ●alled Kotoze , and in the Slavonian tongue C●riti , not of Coucher the French to lie-downe , nor of Cu●hey the Cambridge Carrier , as some body made Master Minsha● beleeve , when hee ( rather wee ) perfected that his Etymologicall Dictionarie , whence wee call them to this day 〈◊〉 ●the first ( they say ) that was seene in England was presented to Q●eene Eli●beth , by the Ea●●e of A●undel● , but whether it were an open Charriot , or covered over the head as our ●●●●●es now are I doubt , for such a one Q●eene 〈◊〉 rode in , from Sommerset-hou●e to S. 〈…〉 to heare a Sermon , presently upon the victory obtained against the Spaniard i● Eightie-Eight . Master Nowell Deane of Paules Preaching at that time , when I remember ●being then a Schoole-boy in London , abut tenne yeeres of age ) so many Spanish-Ensignes , in triumph were hung up , that the leades of the Church , and houses round about , seemed to be veild or curtain'd round-about with Gold , Silk , and Silver . Sedan . It was a glorious sight indeede . But ( quoth I ) upon a more glorious occasion . Talking in this manner , unexpected , there comes by a Morrice-dance of Countrey-fellows ; away goes Powell , and takes the Maide-Marian , and the foole along to a Taverne , the promiscuous by-standers left us to follow the Morrice-dancers , when there steps in to mee , an honest plaine Countrey-Vicar , of mine old acquaintance , and claps me on the shoulder , calling mee by my name , and saying , It is a wonder to meet you heere in London , which I think you have not seene in these dozen yeeres . It is true ( said I ) and somwhat more , and I find my selfe to bee a great stranger heere , for whereas heretofore , I could walke in some one streete , and meete with a dozen of my acquaintance , I can now walk in a dozen streets and not meete one , yea both in people and building , I find , N●vam rerum faciem . Vic●r . Yes , I dare say since you and I were first acquainted in Cambridge ( the world is altered ) it is a good while , I was laid hold on in an evening , by our Vice-master D. R. for whistling in the Court ; and I told him ( and told him truely ) I could never whistle in all my life ; you made answere , No sir , it was not hee ; for could hee have whistled , his father would never have sent him to Cambridge● meaning , hee would have made a plough-boy of mee . Let mee remember you likewise ( said I ) of another merrie accident when wee were boyes , and Sophisters in the schooles , when you , and two more of your old acquaintance , went one frostie morning to eate Blacke-puddings to break-fast , and wanting a penny of the reckoning to pay ●or an odde pudding ( having no more mony amongst you all three ) you venter'd on it , and spet out a single penny that was buried in the Puddings end ; so that by wonderfull fortune , the pudding payd for it selfe ; and after you declaim'd upon , A●daces Fortuna juvat . Vicar . Come , these merry passages are gone and past , I am heartily glad to see you alive and well . And in good faith ( quoth I ) I am glad to meete with any of my old acquaintance , they are so rare in these parts . Heere is a Gentleman , my friend , said the Vicar , who much desireth your acquaintance , hee is an excellent Surveior , limmer in Oile , and water colours ; besides , a skilfull Musician both for song and Instrument , and you are met in a good time : So having saluted one another , I smilingly told them the occasion of mine Idle stay there at that time , which was a neighbourly office of ●econciling Coach and Sedan , who in that place , fell fouly out with either , opposing each other to the utmost for place and precedence ; neither would they yeeld a jot one to the other , without the mediation of friends . Vicar . Is he in the black , with brasen studds on his sleeves , wings , backe , and brest , called Coach ? Surveyor . Yes , and I am sure , the other in the greene is Sedan ; Let me entreate you ( quoth I to them both ) to talke with them , they will surely heare reason , if one of the Church ( which I thinke neither of them cares for ) shall goe about to perswade them . Vicar . I will. Sir , I understand your name is Coach. Coach. Men call me so about the Court. Vicar . Out of my love , understanding the time of your execution is at hand , and that quickly you must expect to be turn'd off ; I come to give you the best admonition I can . First , you have beene these many yeeres a lewd liver , accompanying your selfe with Pandars and common Strumpets , bo●h of Citie and Countrey . Secondly , you have beene suspected for many robberies ( I am sure you have heard of Madam * Sands ) for there is not an High-way , streete , back lane , or odde corner in the Citie , or within five miles , but you are well acquainted with the same . Thirdly , you bring many a one to the gallowes . Fourthly , you never ca●ed for the Church , since all sermon-time wee heare you hurrying up and downe the streetes , insomuch , that the Reader of Devine Service , or the Preacher , can hardly heare himselfe speake for you ; or say you bring your Lord , Knight , and their Ladies to Church , you stay in the streete , while your man commonly goes to the Taverne , or Ale-house , till service bee done . Fiftly , you live not in love and charitie one with another , but give one another ( if you are crossed in the streete , or in a narrow lane ) the worst words you can ; and another great fault you are guilty of ( in the judgement of that late reverent Iustice , Sir Edward Cooke ) you will in no place give way to the Carre and Cart , your elder brethren . Sixtly , if you have gotten your cup ( like Iehu ) yee drive as if you were mad , and become very dangerous in the night . Surveyor . Mr. Vicar , these are but personall faults , you conceive not what dammage the State receiveth by Coaches , and how the whole Common-wealth suffereth in their increase and multitud● ; now if it please you , I will shew you wherein . They first consume an infinite quantitie of ou● prime and best leathe● , which also by reason of the d●cay of Woods , and consequently of barke for Tanners ) Leather is growne extreemely deere , and hardly that which is principall good , to be gotten for any money . Againe , wee can hardly have a young Ash grow till hee bee seven yeeres old , within forty miles of London , but hee is cut off before his time for the Coach-makers use , in spokes for wheeles , beames , bodies , and the like . More-over a wonderfull quantitie , of our best broad-clothes is consumed and wasted , about the lining of Coaches , and their seates . I ommit , other superfluities of Lace , Fringe , Guilding , &c. Last of all , and which is worst of all , and withall speed ( if it shall so please his Majestie ) to bee redressed , the breede of o●r best horses in England , are reserved , or rather bought up in Faires and Markets , onely for the use of the Coach , hence it comes to passe that at any generall Muster taken of Horse , you shall see so many arrant Iades showne , Scarce one in tenne serviceable , some send thither their ordinarie saddle Geldings , and Nagges , some their Cart-horses , where you shall see their necks and sides miserably gall'd with collars & traces , and their riders Serving-men or ploughmen , just answerable to their horses . I speake I confesse the more freely , because I know what belongeth to horse-manship , and have beene my ●elfe an horse-man , and in service beyond the seas , in somuch as I dare say , no Nation in Europe , is more back-ward and carelesse in breeding and managing horses , then we in England , God bee blessed for our peace , Quid postera ferat di●s nescimus : if it would please his Royall Majestie ( which with my selfe all true Subjects ought from their hearts to wish ) to command our Coach-horses , instead of hearing a Coach rattle at their heeles , to listen to the Trumpet , I beleeve the poore beastes themselves would be better pleased , and since they cannot speake , expresse their joy by bounding and neighing , as they ordinarily doe , when they are to goe upon service , and are by the Trumpet call'd to charge the enemie ; or if their Noble owners are desirous , to get as good as they can for their Coaches , they should provide as many other , as good fit and able , alwayes to bee in a readinesse , ●or his Majesties service . I speake not as if I did altogether , condemne , and disallow of Coaches in the generall , wee know that the Kings , Princes , and Nobles , of Israell , had their Charriots , equivalent ( at the least ) to our richest Caroches , it is most fit , ●nd requisite , that Princes , Nobilitie , the more eminent and abler among the Gentrie should bee allowed their , C●●ches , and C●rr●●●es , and ●ll others who hold ●●y place of Dignitie , either in Church ●r Common-wealth , a● our Bishops , the Reverend Iudges , Doctors of Divinitie , Law , Phis●cke with the chief● M●gistrates of E●inent and Honorable Citie●●ith others of like and equall ranke , but what I pray you ●●e the Coaches of these few , to that multi●ude at this day in England ? when in L●nd●n , the Suburbes , and within fou●e miles comp●ss● without ; are reckoned to the ●umber of six ●housand and odd . I easilie ( quoth I ) beleeve it , whe● i● cert●ine places of the Citie● as I h●ve often observed , I have 〈…〉 I have there , the w●y 〈…〉 with ● C●●●h , t●o o● th●●e , t●at wha● hast , or businesse soever a man hath● hee mus● wait● my Ladie ( I know ●ot whose ) le●●●●e ( who is in the ne●t shop , buyi●g penda●●s for her eares or ● colle● for her ●ogge ) ●●e he● can find any passage . The mos● eminent places for stoppage , ●●e Paul-ga●e into Che●pside , Lud-gat● , and Lud-gate-hill , especially whe● the play i● done 〈◊〉 the P●iers , then Hol●or●e-Gundoit ●nd Holborne-bridge , ●●villanou●ly pe●●ered with them , No●●er-la●● , S●●ith-fi●l● , 〈◊〉 Coe-l●ne ●ending all about their new or old mended Coaches , then about the Stocks and Poultrie , Temple-barre , Fetter-lane and Shooe-lane next to Fleet-street ; but to see their multitude , either when there is a Masque at White-hall , a Lord-Majors feast , a new play at some of the play-houses you would admire to see them , how close they ●tand together , like ( M●tton-pies in a Cookes-oven ) that hardly you can thrust a pole betweene . My Masters quoth I , wee have a great deale of talke , and discourse all this while about nothing , heere comes one that if you will be rul'd by mee , shall determin● the quarrell without more adoe , because our occasions call us away , about weightie● emploiments . With that , comes up unto us a lustie tall fellow , sitting upon 〈◊〉 axel●r●e betweene two mōstrous gr●at wheeles , drawne by a great old jade blind of an eie , in a leather pilch , two emptie beere-barrels upon a brewers sling● beside him , and old ble●-cap all bedaub'd , and stincking with yest , a●● the spurging of beere , him Coach , and Seda● knew , as soone as ever they saw him ( for it seem'd they had beene old customers of his Masters , and true stakes to the beere-barrell ) ●ee seeing them familiarly talking together , I cra●● his name : my name is Beere-car● quoth hee ; in good time , you may ( said I ) by me●●es of your 〈◊〉 acquainta●ce with these two , Coach and Seda● ; doe a good office and reconcile them , being fallen at difference , who should be the better man , and deserve the most respect , my selfe and these gentlemen , have laboured what we could herein , yet can wee doe no good . When according to our relati●n , hee had heard the whole substance of the busines , hee shooke his head , saying , will this never be otherwise , I made you friends once before , when you were together by the eares at Charing-crosse , and you vow'd to either ( and dranke upon it ) you youl l never square , and fall-out againe , but Live , and Love as bretheren , but let that goe if you will once againe , wholy referre your selves to mee , and promise before to morrow at night to enter into bond , to stand to my censure and agreement , before these honest-Gentlemen ( who are strangers to me ) I will set you straight , and make all quiet ; are you not mad men , to wrangle and fall out in the streete , to draw boyes and wenches and every rascall about you , to wonder and laugh at you ? Coach this is your fault , you are cholerick and cannot forbeare ; and Sedan , you thinke your selfe so countenanced at the Court , that such a one as my selfe dare not speake or meddle with you , but I would have you know , I am of auncientes standing in England then both of you , I came into England in Henry the Seventh● time , what time I was brought into this land with Musi●k : my brother Al● , is farre auntienter then I , and was in England , as I have beene told by Schollers , in the time of the Brittans and Romans ; but what doe we talke of our antiquitie , let us boast of our Goodnesse and Strength , which makes us to bee so well thought on , and beloved where ere wee come . But let these things passe , are you content to stand to , and heere my verdict , and will promise to observe what I in reason shall propound , and so to make a finall end of all controversies betwixt you . Coach and Sedan . With all our hearts . Serveior . We are h●●re , th●ee or foure , witwitne●●es , and shall ca●rie the newes unto your best friends , who surely will bee glad of your reconcilement . Vi●●● . Now Master Beere-cart , since you have taken upon you to be ● moderator betwixt ●hem , let us heare th● conditions you meane to propound for their ●greement , because wee are not like altogether to meet againe . Nay ( quoth I ) ho●e●t ●eere-c●rt , will have a c●re of his credit , a●d doe nothing but what shall bee just , and right , I dare say . Beere-cart . Nay , if I doe other-wise let mee never walke upon London stones , or see Saint Kathari●s againe , there●●re understand me well , and heare what I shall say . First , Coach and Sedan , you both shall reverence and ever give way to Beere ( or Brewers ) Cart , wheresoever you shall meete him , either in Citie or Countrie , as your auncient and elder brother . Secondly . You both againe shall be constant custome●s to Cellars , Innes and Ale-houses , as being the upholders , and principall maintainers of Brewers-Cart . Coach , you shall now and then give your man leave to take a nap at noone , especially , when your Lord or Lady , is to see a masque at the Court , my reason is , when he is fast a sleep upon his box , his Curtaines are commonly cut off , and his Cushions stollen . Thirdly . See your man give his horses their due allowance , in Hay and Oates , and that he beguiles them not , to maintaine his wench , or follow the Taverne , beside charge him to keepe their manger cleane , without dust or feathers . Fourthly . More-over give him especial commandement , that while he is drinking Wine , his horses want not water . Sixtly . Againe Coach , if your Lord or Master , bee disposed in an evening , or any other time , to goe to an house of good-fellowship ( the rude and unmannerly multitude call such Baudie-houses ) and your Lady or Mistris , when you come home , aske where you have beene ; you shall say , your Lord or Master hath beene turning and looking over some Bookes in a French liberarie . 6. You shall leave altogether your old wo●nt , that is , when your Knight or Ladie or both , are gone to the Church , suffer your man to goe to the Ale-house and there to stay , till prayer or Sermon bee done , but see him a Gods name goe to Church , to learne to serve God better , and to mend his manners . 7. Your man also shall leave that old knavish tricke , of tying a horse haire very straight , about the pastornes of your horse feete ( which presently will make him halt ) then to tell your Master hee is lame , and will not serve his turne , procuring after some horse-courser to buy him at an under price ; then sell him againe , and after you two share the money betwixt you . 8. Speake well of Water-men , and offer them no wrong , besides know they are a Corporation , and boats were before Coaches ; I will undertake for them not to hurt you , they are my friends , and acquaintance , and I deale much in their Element . 9. If your Lord or Knight , be invited to my Lord Majors , the Sheriffes , or any other great or eminent mans house to dinner ( because wee know not in these times who wee may trust ) let your man be sure to search and examine the celler well , for feare of Treason . 10. If Coach , you happen to goe to a Christening , or any publique banquet , see that you turne your man loose like an Hogge , under an Apple-tree , among the comfitts and sweete-meates , and let him shift . 11. Leave in any case that ill custome yee have of running over people in a darke night , and then bid them stand up . 12. In Terme times , you shall drive in the streetes faire and softly : for throwing dirt upon Gentlemens clokes , and Lawyers gownes going too , and comming from Westminster . 13. You shall have an especiall ●are , of little children playing in Summer time in the streets , greens , high-waies , and such places , you shall endeavour to keepe your selves sober , from over much drinking , for by Coach-men overtaken with drinke , many have lost their limmes , yea some their lives . 14. You shall carrie none without leave , of your Lord , Lady , or Master . 15. You shall not Coach ( as you are accustomed ( take up into you every groome , and lacquay , to lie tumbling with his dirtie feete upon your Lords Velvet , or cloth Seats , and Cushions , but let their leggs carry them in the open streete , with a mischiefe . 16. You have a trick , and custome ( which I wish were amended and reformed ) that if your Knight or Lady be out of the way frō home , out of the Citie , for some spending money to carrie tradesmens wives , waiting-maides and young-wenches : somtime to Brainford , to Barnet , Tottenham , Rumford and such places , to meete , and to be merry with their sweet-hearts , while all the way they goe , they sit smiling and laughing , to see how the poore inferior sort foote it in dirt and mire , and hereby they grow so prowd , that ever after they accoun● themselues companions for the best Ladies . 17. Coach , if you are to goe a journey , twenty , thirty , or more miles into the Countrey ; see that you are provided of all necessaries● that your Lady and her women may stand in he●d of by the way , you know what I meane , and never be unprovided of a bottle or two , of the best Strong-waters . 18. You shall be no hindrance to poore people , who shall demaund and aske the charitable almes of your Lord or Ladie , much lesse revile them , or lash them over the fa●es with your whip . 19. And honest Coach , at my request , be very careful in going over 〈◊〉 places , quick-sands , unknowne waters , and narrow bridges . 20. If a man of manlike behaviour and fashion , casually fall lame by the way , or by some accident be wounded , whereby he is unable to travell , you sh●ll out of Christian Charitie , imitating the good Samaritane , take him up , helpe him wherein you can , & ●ar●y him ●o hi● Inne . 21. You shall offer your brother Sedan no manner of wrong , but intreat him with all love and friendship , giving him the wall , you keeping your naturall and proper walke , the middle of the streete . 22. Lastly you shall be affable and curteous to all , endevouring to get the good will , and good word of every one , especially your fellows in the hovse , that having the love of your Master and Lady , they may settle you in a Farme of theirs in your old age , and marrying the Chamber maid , ever after give them leave to lash that will. So much brother Coach for you ; now honest Sedan , something I have to say to you , though not much . First as you tender the love and friendship of your Brother Beere-Car● , observe these rules and admonitions . You shall from this time forward , live with Coach in perfect Love and Amitie , to defend and helpe him in all casualties , and ever-more to speake well of him behind his backe . You shall never carrie any infected person . You shall never take into your charge , any one that is bea●tly drunke , at any Taverne or Ale-house , but rather give a Porter leave to carrie him to his lodging , in his Basket. You shall not meddle with any Exchang-Wenches , Semsters , or hand-some Laundr●sses , to carrie them to any Gentle-mans private Chamber or Lodging , ther● to shew their wares and commodities . You shall never endanger your selves with carrying matters of great charge , as Money , Plate , Iewells , Boxes of evidences , writings and the like . You shall never carrie Coach-man againe , for the first you ever carried was a Coach-man , for which you had like to have sufferd , had not your Master beene the more mercifull . You shall see your bottomes be sound , that grosse and unweldie men slip not thorow . You shall carrie no manner of Beast for any mans pleasure , Bears-Whelp , Surbated-Hound , Baboone , Musk-cat , or the like . You shall have an esp●●iall care to keepe your Chaires , cleane and sweet , both within and without ; suffer no Tobacco , which many love not , to be taken in them , and wish the Painter , to adde to his Verd ' greace and Linseed-oyle , in his painting , a small quantitie of the Oyle of spike , for the better smell . And ●ince the w●akest goes to the wall , take you the wall I charge you , of all Porters , Bakers , Costard-mongers , Carm●n , Coaches , and in a word , of all in generall , saving Beere-Car● , who after you are wearrie , and tired , will bee at hand to doe you any manner of servi●● , especially to revive your decayed spirits . And last of all with which I will conclude ; because at the Court you are friendly used , and often times admitted within the gates , ( which your brother Coach never is ) you shall take nothing at any time , for carriage of the Kings great Porter . Surveyor . But Master Coach , what say you to a late Proclamation , that is come out against you , and your multitude ? Coach. It concernes not us who follow the Court , and belong to Noble-men , it is chiefly for the suppressing my neig●bours of Hackney , who are a Plague to Citie and Countrey ; it had beene the better for us , if it had come out seven yeeres ag●e , for being , wee shall ( I hope ) be better rewarded , and better respected . I have read I remember in Herodotus , of Sesostris , a Tyrant , King of Egypt , who causing foure Kings whom hee had taken prisoners to be yoaked together by the necks , & to draw his charriot ; one of these Kings , ever and anon cast backe his eye , and looked over his shoulder to the Charriot-wheele , which the Tyrant observing , demanding of him the reason why hee did so ; the captive King made answer , Quia in rota , video statum humanum : Because in this wheele , I see the state of man : The spoke of the wheele , that was even now aloft , is now at the bottome , and below ( as wee our selves are ) and that below , anon gets up to the top , Sesostris knowing this to be true , and fearing his one estate ( being as others subject to change and mutabilitie ) forthwith released them of their bandes & set them at libertie . So Coach , you men that were aloft , and above others , they must like ( the spokes of their wheeles ) come below ; and why not ? but by some other profession and calling , mount as high againe : — Sic sors incerta vagatur , Ferique ref●rtque vices , ●t hab●●t mortalia c●sum . Serveyor . Well Gentle-men Coach , and Sedan , are you both pleased with those honest propositions ( tending to a perpetuall reconcilement , of one to the other ) made by Beere-cart , so that here after you will beare no grudge , one to another , but speake kindly at your meeting , salute one another , as you passe , and in a word doe all good offices you can one for another , that yee may no more make your selves laughing stocks to the world . Coach , and Sedan . Wee will with all our hearts , and Gentle-men we thanke you hartily , for the paines you have taken , and especially , you Master Vicar . Well Gentlemen ( quoth I ) we have now done a good office , and Beere-Cart , they are much beholding unto you . Surveyor . So are wee ; for you have made us wiser then wee were , in understanding the abuses , and misdemeanors either of them are subject unto , for which wee , and the world shall heartily thanke you . Beere-Ca . I could indeede say much more , but I am in good hope of their agreement , and they will not faile but visit our house three or foure times in the weeke , to see how their brother Beere-cart does ; and with what liquor hee is laden . So now ( quoth I ) wee have made ( honest friends , and good-fellowes , Coach and Sedan ) an end of your businesse ; Mr. Surveyor , and honest Master Vicar , we will go dispatch our own : which way lies your way ? Survey . To Westminster-ward , wee both goe . And I into the Strand ; and for this merry meeting , and old acquaintance sake honest Vicar , and Master Surveyor , I have for you a quart of the best Canary in Westminster , which I think is at Mr. Thomas Darlings ( a very honest man ) at the Three-tunnes by Charing-crosse . Wee will beare you company ( quoth they ) and so wee three , ( leaving the other ) departed . But in going along , to beguile the way , wee fell I know not how , into discourse , what alteration in Common-Wealthes , Cities , Countreys , Buildings , manners of Men , and Fashions in apparrell , the Revolution of Time , contrary to the opinion of man , brought forth ; the Vicar earnestly maintaining the latter times to be the wisest ; as I stiffely maintained the contrary against him . His first Argument was ; that wee in our age have more learning then ever , Ergo , more wisedome . I denied his antecedent , replying , Quod efficit , tale , majus est tali : meaning the Auncients who were our Masters , aledging Chaucer : Whence commeth this new Corne , men have from yeare t● yeare , Out of old fields , old men saith , And when●e commeth this new learning that men teere , Out of old fields , in good faith . Secondly , The Inventions of latter times farre excelled those of former ; I denied that also . He instanced Guns , PRINTING , Watches , Wind-mills , &c. Against these , as rare , I opposed Archimedes his Burning-glasses , wherwith he fired Marcellus ships from Syraecusa ; the perpetually burning Lampe , made of the Spirit of Gold ; malleable Glasse ; Dying of that highly estemed Purple ; that rare manner of guilding called * Pyropus , mentioned in Plinie , wherewith those round balles on the top of the Romane houses , shone like fire ; with many other , which are lost and forgotten . Surveior . And I am perswaded wee have had many rare Inventions , even heere in England ; which are forgotten , or quite out of use . Yes quoth the Vicar , foure especially , Daggers , Flat-caps , French-hoods , and Cod-peeces ; But heere wee brake of our discourse , beeing at the Taverne dore , the period of our Iourney . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A09194-e960 The end of Travell . The benefit this land hath by Strangers . Powel a Welch-man , one of Sedans m●n . The Amazons fought on horsebacke , with Bowes a●d Arrowes , & their Semitars . A merrie tale of Mackerell . In a funerall Elegie , u●on the C●u●tesse of Warwick , latelie Printed . Paule Tomorree going to the young Ki●g , lying at Viceg●ade , to complaine of the Frier , used Coaches first , being so called f●om a towne where they were made whence they had there name Kot●ze . * A Lady that rob'd in her Coach by the Hie-way . Mary are carried in their Coaches to execution . Beere and vlols de gamba came into Englād both in one yeere , B●itāni , potus genus habent quod Alicam vocant . Plini . Lucan . * Let common Schoolemasters observe this , who take Pyropus in Ovid , for a Carbuncle or great Rubie .