Part of this summers travels, or News from hell, Hull, and Hallifax, from York, Linne, Leicester, Chester, Coventry, Lichfield, Nottingham, and the Divells Ars a peake With many pleasant passages, worthy your observation and reading. By Iohn Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1639 Approx. 65 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 27 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13484 STC 23783 ESTC S111384 99846745 99846745 11732 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13484) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 11732) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1498:6) Part of this summers travels, or News from hell, Hull, and Hallifax, from York, Linne, Leicester, Chester, Coventry, Lichfield, Nottingham, and the Divells Ars a peake With many pleasant passages, worthy your observation and reading. By Iohn Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. [4], 48, [4] p. Imprinted by I[ohn] O[kes], [London] : [1639] Partly in verse. Printer's name and publication date from STC. The last two leaves are blank. Reproduction of the original in the Bodleian Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. EEBO-TCP aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the Text Encoding Initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). The EEBO-TCP project was divided into two phases. The 25,363 texts created during Phase 1 of the project have been released into the public domain as of 1 January 2015. Anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. Users should be aware of the process of creating the TCP texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. Text selection was based on the New Cambridge Bibliography of English Literature (NCBEL). If an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in NCBEL, then their works are eligible for inclusion. Selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. In general, first editions of a works in English were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably Latin and Welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. Image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. Quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in Oxford and Michigan. 5% (or 5 pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet QA standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng England -- Description and travel -- Early works to 1800. 2000-00 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2001-07 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2001-08 TCP Staff (Michigan) Sampled and proofread 2001-08 TCP Staff (Michigan) Text and markup reviewed and edited 2001-11 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Part of this Summers Travels , OR NEWS From Hell , Hull , and Hallifax , from York , Linne , Leicester , Chester , Coventry , Lichfield , Nottingham , and the Divells Ars a Peake . With many pleasant passages , worthy your observation and reading . By John Taylor . Imprinted by J. O. A few words of direction to the Reader . I Have not written every place in that order , as is set downe in the Title of this Pamphlet , but of such places as I travelled unto , I have truly related the passages , and the time , both when , where , why , and how I went , came and perform'd it . If any man aske wherefore this Book is good , or how it may be any way usefull , I answer that it is foure ways commodious : First , it is profitable , for it will direct a man the high-wayes of crossing divers Countries from place to place , which no other Book shews , as from Leicester to Linne in Norfolke , from Linne to Kingstone , upon Hull in Yorkeshire , from Hull to Yorke , thence to Hallifax , to Chester , Darby , Nottingham , Coventry , Lichfield , and the Devils Ars a Peake : all these ways are herein described ; secondly , there are some Monuments of Antiquitie are mentioned , which greater Authours have omitted ; thirdly , there are some passages of delightfull Mirth and Recreation . And lastly , all is true , or else you have the Authours leave to travell as hee hath done , and doe your best and worst to prove him a liar . Passages and Entertainments from London to Leicester , with some observations of the said Town and Shire . UPon Saint Swithins day , I noted well , The wind was calme , nor any rain then fell , Which faire day ( as old sawes saith ) doth portend , That heav'n to earth , will plenteous harvest send , The morrow being Julies sixteenth day , In my Progression I began my way . I need not to relate the towns that lie Just in my way , ( as I road through or by ) Onely at Mims , a Cockney boasting bragger In mirth , did aske the women for Belswagger , But strait the females , like the Furies fell , Did curse , scold , raile , cast dirt , and stones pell mell , But we betook us nimbly to our spurs , And left them calling us rogues , knaves , and curs : With other pretty names , which I discern'd They from their old fore-mothers well had learn'd . The reason why they are with rage inflam'd , When as they heare Belswagger nam'd . Is ( as report doth say ) there dwelt a Squire , Who was so full of love , ( or lusts desire ) That with his faire tongue , Hippocritick-hood , ( By slanderous people 't was misunder stood ) The women were so fruitfull , that they were All got with childe , in compasse of one yeare , And that Squires name , they say , Belswagger was , And from that tale , the lying jeere doth passe , Wherefore the women there will chide and swagger , If any man do aske them for Belswagger . Thence past I on my journy unto Hockly , Whereas I saw a Drunkard like a block lye , There I alighted at the sanguine Lion , Where I had meat , drink , and a bed to lie on . The next day I road stately to Northampton , And all the way my horse most proudly stampt on , On Thursday , trotting , galloping and ambling , To Leister , I proceeded in my rambling : There , at the blue Boare I was welcome than Unto my brother Miles , a downright man , Plain dealing , free from flattery , fraud or feare , Who hath liv'd long with reputation there , He 's old and honest , valiant , courteous , free : ( I write not this for making much of me ) But they that doubts on 't , let them go and try And if he be a changling , say I lie . That house King Richard lodg'd in , his last night , Before he did the field of Bosworth fight , And there 's a Room , a King to entertain , The like is not in Leister Town again , Th' Assizes then were there , some causes tride , And Law did there the corps and souls divide , Of two offenders , one had with a Knife Stabd his contracted love , and reav'd her life , 'Tother , a wench that had stolne some poor rayment , And fir'd the house , deserv'd the Hangmans payment . King Leir a Temple did to Janus reare And plac'd a Flamine in 't , there doth appeare The arched Ovens foure yards thick at least , Wherein they Heathen Sacrifices drest ; Like as the Jews in their Idolatry , Offered their sonnes and daughters impiously , To Moloeh , Nisroch , Ashtaroth , and Ball : And to those devillish gods adore and fall , So people here , when warre or peace they sought ; They offrings unto Janus Temple brought ; This was eight hundred forty and foure yeare Before our Saviours birth , built by King Leire , Long after Etheldred ( the Mercian King ) Ahappy and a Christian change did bring The Temple raz'd , the Flamine he defac'd , And there a Christian Bishops Sea he plac'd , Which lasted but few yeares , for then this Land Was seven-fold yoaked , beneath 7 Kings command And those Kings still were in perpetuall wars That England was quite spoyl'd with endlesse jars And in those Garboyles Leister had her share , Spoyl'd , rifled , ransack'd , robd , and left most bare , Till Edelfred , with great magnificence , Repair'd and wall'd it strongly for defence . Then did it flourish long in wealth and state , Till second Henry it did ruinate : He in out-ragious fury fir'd the Town , Diswall'd it quite , and cast the Castle down , So nothing but some raines doth appeare , Whereby men may perceive that such things were . Thus Leister fell , from state superlative , Her fifty Churches all consum'd to five . Yet it is faire and spacious at this day , And East , West , North , and South 't is every way Above a mile in length , so that no doubt , The Town 's in circuit six large miles about . Henry first Duke of Lancaster in war , In peace , or bounty , a bright blazing Star For buildings in this City is renown'd , Which as time rais'd , time did again confound Yet one large fabrick there doth still abide Whereby the good Dukes name is dignifide , And that 's an Hospitall or Bead-house , where One hundred and ten men are harbour'd there , From perishing through want , still to defend Those aged men untill the world shall end . Twice every day a Chaplain doth repair To them ; and unto God sends prayse and prayer , And Nurses are allow'd to dresse their meat , To make their beds , to wash , and keep them neat : For which they thankefull be to God alone Who rais'd such means to ease the poor mans mone . Good Henry Earle of Huntingdon ( renown'd ) A free schoole did erect there , from the ground , With means ( though meane ) for majntenance endow'd Two Vshers , and one Schoolmaster allow'd , They teach young lads , such Rules as do belong , To reade the English and the Latine tongue , And when their knowltdge is with hope discernd , They is the Greek may learn , and be more learn'd . But to relate somthing in profe of this ancient Towne of Leicester , in the time of nine weekes , which I abode there to and fro , I observed such a civill government and decency , which is not in many places to be found or equallized . First , I noted the peace , tranquillity , and unity which the people live in , under the rule and command of the Major and his brethren , to whose authority and power ( under the King ) the inhabitants do willingly obay . Secondly , the Clergy ( or Ministery ) are learned , diligent , and painfull ; and both Clergie and Layity , are conformable to the Orders and Discipline of the Church of England , and I did not heare of any one , residing there , that is , either Schismatically opinionated with Dogmaticall Whimseyes , or Amster-damnable Fopperies . Thirdly , they are so charitable , and carefull in providing for the relief of the poore and needy , that a man must go seek where to bestow his almes , for there is not any one ( that I could see ) that begg'd in the whole Town . Fourthly , the streets are so well paved , and kept so clean from dunghils , filth , or soyle , that in the wettest or fowlest weather , a man may go all over the Towne in a paire of slippers , and never wet his feet . Lastly , the people are generally so loving one to another , that the Lawyers want work , and so honest that the Apparitors are idle , and those few Drunkards which they have , are very civill and faire condition'd . Certain other observations . There is a faire Library , and a well founded Almes-house within the Town , also two Gaoles , two houses of Correction , and for mad and frantick people . Also it is reported , that when King Richard the Third went from Leicester , to fight the battaile neer Bosworth , that then there was a man of mean calling ( some say he was a Weaver , and some say a Plough-wright by his Trade ) hee had a spirit of divination or Prophecie , of whom the Tyrant King Richard demanded some questions , what the event of that dayes fight might be to him , to whom the other ( most bluntly answered , Marke my words King Richard , that as thou dost ride out of this Towne of Leicester , this morning thou shalt hit thy right foot against a stone , and as thou returnest thou shalt knocke thy head against the same : which proved true , for as he road , he did strike against the corner of a wall his foot , and after hee was slain in the field , hee was stript , and his body layd crosse behind a man on Hors-back , ( like a Calfe ) and in that vile and ignominious manner , as they brought his corps back to Leicester , his head did knocke against the aforesaid wall or stone , which place I saw there ; also I went eight miles to see Red●●re field , where the King fell , which is a moorish kinde of ground , altogether unfruitfull , and the water doth seem red , which some foolish people do suppose to be the staine of K. Richards bloud ; but it is onely the colour of the red earth that makes the water seeme so , and the ground close adjoyning is very fertile for Corne and Pasturage , but in the lower parts it is boggy and moory : by nature , and not either barren or bloudy by any reason of the Kings death . Another observation is concerning the alteration of the measures of Miles , and good sufficient Pots or Jugs of drink , but the further I travelled Northward , the more the miles were lengthened , and the Pots shrunke and curtald ; but indeed , what the liquor wanted in measure it had in strength : the power of it being of such potencie , that it would fox a dry Traveller , before he had half quencht his thirst . In this County of Leicester , I observed a piece of extream justice , executed upon three Geese , which was thus . At a Village called Dadlington , eight miles from Leicester , there dwelsa Gentlewoman a Kinswoman of mine , who the last Trinity Tearm 1639 was at London , about some businesse in Law , which much concern'd her : and in her absence , the Pinder of Dadlington , finding three of her Geese innocently grazing upon the Common , for to shew the full power , force , vertue , and marrow of his office and authority , drave the Geese into the Pound or Pindfold , and because they could procure no Bayle for their Release , nor sureties for their true imprisonment , hee put all their three necks into a Horslock , which Engine or Neck-fetter was so strait , close , and pinching , that the Geese were all strangled : Now the question is whether Willy , Tilly , ( the Pinder so silly ) were the cause of their deaths , or whether the Geese did desperately cast away themselves : all which I humbly refer to the discretion of the Jury . But some Readers may muse why I do write so much of Leicester , in this little Book ; the reason is that I lay there from the 17 of July , to the 20 of August , which was five weekes , but in the mean space , I road to Coventry , and return'd in a day to Leicester again , of Coventry I have little to say , but that it is a faire , famous , sweet , and ancient City , so walled about with such strength and neatnesse , as no City in England may compare with it ; in the wals ( at severall places ) are 13 Gates and Posterns whereby to enter , and issue too and from the City : and on the wals are 18 strong defensible Towers , which do also beautifie it : in the City is a faire and delicate Crosse , which is for structure , beauty , and workmanship , by many men accounted unmatchable in this Kingdome : although my selfe with some others , do suppose , that of Abington in Berkeshire will match it , and I am sure the Crosse in Cheapside at London doth farre out-passe it . I have bin at this City foure times , and have written of it before , and therefore at this time ( my stay being so short there ) I have but little to say , onely this that some are of opinion , that at the first itwas called Coventry , from the French word Trey Covent , because there were founded three Covents , for three severall Orders of Friers , namely , the Franciscan Friers , the Augustine Friers , and the Dominicans : It matters not much who erected the said foundations and Covents , but it is certain , that the renowned King Henry the Eighth did suppresse and demolish them , whose memories now is almost quite buried in their owne ruines . Coventry is a County of it selfe , it hath been grac'd and dignified much by the Grant and Priviledges given to it by former Kings , a● King Edward the Third , and King Henry the Sixt ; The Majors name ( at my being there , wa● Master Thomas Forrest a Vintener ) and Maste Thomas Phineas Sword-bearer there dyed at th● beginning of the Sessions ( much about the tim● of my being there ) he was a man of that comel● bulke and corpulency , that his Coffin was a ful● yard wide at the shoulders , and it is said , that i● his life time hee could have been ( at one meale the consumption of a large shoulder of Mutton , but he and his good stomack being both deceast , I left Coventry , because it was Sessions time , and returned to my Randevouze at Leister . The eleventh day of August I road from Leister to Nottingham , where I lodged at the signe of the Princes Armes ; but I was wel entertained at the house of the Right Worshipfull Sir Thomas Hutchinson Knight , himselfe and his good Lady made mee welcome , and did expresse their bounty to mee in good Cheere and Money : for the which I am heartily thankfull . The Towne of Nottingham is seated on a Hill , which Hill is almost of one stony Rocke , or a soft kinde of penetrable sandy stone ; it hath very faire buildings , many large streetes , and a spacious Market place : a great number of the inhabitants ( especially the poorer sort ) doe dwell in vaults , holes , or caves , which are cut and digged out of , ( or within ) the Rocke : so that if a man be destitute of a house , it is but to goe to Nottingham , and with a Mattock , a Shovell , a Crow of Iron , a Chizell , and Mallet , and such instruments , he may play the Mole , the Cunny , or the Pioner , and worke himselfe a Hole , or a Burrow , for him and his family : Where , over their heads the grasse and pasture growes , and beasts do feed ; faire Orchards and gardens are their coverings , and Cowes are milkt upon the tops of their houses . I was much befriended by Master Palmer the Iaylor there ; for he went with me , and shewed me the ( sometimes ) strong and defencible Castle , but now much ruined : yet still there are many faire and sumptuous roomes in reasonable reparation and estate . On the lofty Battlements of the said Castle , there is a most spacious prospect round about : for from thence I could see the most stately Castle of Belvoyre or Bever Castle , which doth ( as it selfe ) belong to the Right Honourable the Earle of Rutland : and nearer hand , within three miles , I saw the ancient Towne of Gotham , famous for the seven Sages ( or Wise men ) who are fabulously reported to live there in former ages . In the aforesaid Castle of Nottingham , I was shewed divers strange wonderfull Vaults , cut or hewen out of the Rocke , whereof one is said to be the place where David King of Scots was detained many years in captivity : where the said King , with his owne hands ( without any other instrument than the nayles of his fingers ) did with the said tooles engrave and claw out the forme of our Saviours Life , death , and passion ; which Worke is there to bee seene upon the Walls . Also there is another Vault or passage through the Rocke , whereby men may descend or ascend out , or into the Castle ; which vault is called Mortimers Hole , through which hole ( as report goes ) the great Roger Mortimer , Earle of Wigmor , and Lord of Wallingford had egresse and regresse to the Queene , wife to King Edward the second , or the infortunate Edward of Carnarvan . Thus having seene as much of Nottingham Towne and Castle as is related ; on the twelfth of August , I road to the ancient towne of Darby : On the thirteenth of August I left Darby , with an intent to retire to Leister ; but after I had road halfe a Mile , I met with an acquaintance of mine , who was travailing towards the Peake in Darby shire , to a Towne called Wirksworth , and from thence to Chiesterfield , I returned with him . The Country is very Mountainous , and many Lead Mines are found thereabouts : the best and most richest is called Dove Gany , within a mile or little more of Wirksworth ( corruptly called Wortsworth : ) and two Miles from thence are most dangerous wayes , stony , craggy , with inaccessible Hils and Mountaines : the grounds there are lawfull ( as they told me ) for any man to dig or mine in for Lead , be they of what condition soever : for the Laws of mining is , that those that will adventure their Labours shall have all the profits , paying the tenth part to the Lord or Landlord , of all the Lead which they get . If it happen that they take pains , a yeare or two in sundry places to finde a Myne if their fortune be so hard to finde none ( as it often falls out so ) they do work all that while for nothing , and finde themselves as they are able , and in the end their toyle and labour is all lost : but if they doe hit upon a good Myne that doth hold out , and yield plentifully , then they may quickly enrich themselves ( if they be good husbands . ) I was told of a poore Thatcher that left his Trade , and venturing his time and pains , he found so rich a Lead Myne , that he would turn Gentleman , and he kept men in Liveries , living at the rate of the expence of 100 pound a week ; so that he supposing that Leaden , Golden World would never be ended , took no care to save any thing , but after a while , the Myne failed , and hee spent that little which hee had left in digging for more , could finde none , so that for a conclusion , he forsook the Peake , and turnd Thatcher again . That part of the Peak , which is called the Devils Ars , is at or neere a Towne named Castleton , or Castle Towne , so stiled from an ancient ruined Castle on a Hill , at the end of the Town , it is 30 miles from Darby , the Castle stands on the top of a Hill , and under it is a Cliff or Riffe in the said Hill , which is as wide at the entrance as three Barn doores , but being entred in it is enclosed again so narrow , that a man must stoop to passe further , but after that straight passage is past , there is rooms of incredible and wonderfull greatnesse , with strange and intricate turnings and windings , which no man can see without great store of lights , and by reason that those things are naturall , and formed without any attor labour of man , and with all so dismall hotrid , darke , and hideous , that place is called the Devils Ars a Peak , at or upon which I have ( according to my promise ) given three jerks with my pen , at the latter end of this Book . From thence I returned towards Leicester 30 miles , on the 15 of August , and lodged at a Market Towne called Narbury , and the next day I came all tyred and weary ( both man and beast to Leicester ) and on the 20 day , I took my journey 64 miles into Norfolke , to the famous Town of Linne , and three miles from thence , at a Village called Wooton , I was there well welcomed by Master Richard Miles ( to whom I am and must be a thankfull Brother in Law ) whose loving kindnesse to me was shewed in such extraordinary manner , which because I cannot expresse , I will remayn gratefull with silence . Concerning Linne , it is an excellent Sea-town and strong Port , it is gravely and peaceably governed by a Major , 12 Aldermen , and a Recorder . It hath bin honored by divers , but chiefly by King John 440 yeares since , and by King Henry the Third , the first gave them a faire gilt Cup , which is there to be seene , as a witnesse of his Royall liberality : and who so will know more of Linne , let them goe thither and look the Records of the Town , or else let them read Master Camdens Britania , or the painfull labours of Master Iohn Speed. The troth is , mine Hoast Noble , was a noble Hoast to me , at whose house , my brothers kindred and friends , gave me a friendly farewell . On Tuesday the 27 of August , from Linne to Boston in Lincolnshire 24 miles , where I dined with the right Worshipfull Sir Anthony Thomas Knight , from Boston I road 14 miles to Horn Castle , where I lodg'd the 28 of August . But I crave pardon of the Reader , for I had almost forgotten a merry passage or two which hapned in Norfolke , not farre from Linne : and thus it was . At a place called Priors Thorns , neere to two Towns , namely , Northbery and Sapham , there dwelt a man named Frier , who was rich in substance , but very poore and miserable in his conditions : belike hee had read or heard of a Play that was written 40 years since by Master Benjamin Iohnson , the Play is extant , and is called Every Man out of his Humour , in which Play was acted and personated a mizerly Farmer , that had much corne in his Barnes , and did expect a scant or barren Harvest , that through want and scarcity hee might sell his corne at what deare rates hee pleased , but ( contrary to his wicked hopes ) the Harvest proved abundantly plentifull , wherefore hee being in an extraordinary merry or mad veine , put himselfe to the charge of the buying of a two penny halter , and went into his Barn as secretly as he could , and putting the halter about his neck with a riding knot , he fastned the other end to a beam , and most neatly hang'd himself : But ( as ill luck would have it ) his man presently came into the Barne , and espyde his Master so bravely mounted , the unlucky Knave drew his Knife and cut the halter , crying out for help as lowde as he could , rubbing and chafing his Master with all care and diligence to recover him to life again ; at the last he awak'd out of his traunce , and fetch'd a deep groan , began to stare and look about him ; and taking the end of the cut halter in his hand , his first words to his man was , Sirrah , who did cut this , O Master ( said the fellow ) it was I that did it , and I thank God that I came in good time to doe it , and I pray you to take God in your minde , and never more to hazard your soule and body in such a wicked manner : to which good counsell of the poor fellow , the Caitiffe replyde , Sirrah , If you would be medling ( like a sawey busie Rogue ) you might have untyde it , that it might have serv'd another time , such an unthristy Rascall as thou will never be worth such a halter , it cost me two pence , and I will abate the price of it in thy quarters wages . And when the quarter day came , hee did abate the said two pence , for the which the fellow would dwell no longer with him , but went and got him another service : This was acted really and lately at the place aforesaid , in imitation of that part in the Play , of Every Man out of his Humour . After the said Frier had some Hogs which were like to die with the Murrain , which Hogs he killed and powdred , and his wife , children , and Family , as many as did eat of the Porke , fell sick and dyed all : for the which the slave deserv'd a hanging , and a Hangman , but hee yet lives for some worse purpose . Concerning a paire of Brewers , and a piece of justice . Another short Norfolk Tale is not impertinent . There was one Master Fen a Brewer at Fensham , and one Master Francis Dix a Brewer at Sapkam , this Dix was riding in the Countrey amongst his Customers ( the Inkeepers and Victuallers ) and he call'd for a pot of Ale or Beere as heroad by ; ( now that Ale-house was a Customer to Fen , as soon as Dix had drank , hee asked who brewed that drink , to whom the Hoastesse sayd , that Master Fen of Fensham brewed it ; well said Dix , I dare lay a wager , that I will give my Marc but a peck of Mault , and she shall pisse better drink than this : at the last these words came to Fens hearing , for the which disparagement , he sued Dix , and recovered from him twenty pound damage besides costs , at the Assizes last at Norwich 1639. And now to returne to the narration of my Travels , from whence I have digrest , since I lodg'd at Horne Castle in Lincolneshire . From thence on the 18 of August , I road 30 miles to Barton upon Humber , and the next day ( being Friday ) I tooke a Boat for my selfe , my Squire , and my two Palfreyes , down to Hull , or Kingstone upon Hull , the strength and scituation of which Towne I have formerly written of : and I had no new thing there whereof to make any new Relation : let it suffice , that it is absolutely accounted the strongest and most defensible Town in the Kingdome of England , and for good goverment inferiour to none : I might speak somewhat of their good fellowship ; but my Book would swell big with it , therefore I will pay them with thinking and thanking of them , both my old friends and new acquaintance all in generall . The 31 of August I left Hull , and road to Holden 16 miles , and on the morrow I road to Cowood Castle , to see the most Reverend Doctor Neale , the Lord Archbishop of Yorke his Grace , whom in all humility I do acknowledge my self much bound in duty daily to pray for , and remember him with unfained reverend thankfulnesse , not only for the undeserved favours and bounty which his Grace extended towards mee now , but for many other former approvements of his Graces love and liberality , when his Grace liv'd neere mee at Winchester House . At Dinner with his Grace , I had the happinesse to renew my Acquaintance with the Noble and Worthy Knight Sir Francis Wortley ? who most courteously invited and commanded me to visit him in my journey , of which more followeth . My humble thanks rememberd to the right worthy worshipfull Knight Sir Paul Neale , with his fair and vertuous Lady , as also my Gratefull remembrance to all my Lords Gentlemen and Servants , to whose loves and for whose friendships I shall ever acknowledge my selfe an ingaged Debter . Thus having past the Sunday with my Lords Grace , and those other before named Gentlemen . On Munday the second of September , I took my Breakfast and my leave both of Cowood , and road to Yorke , where I visited the worthy Knight ( my old acquaintance ) Sir Arthur Ingram , with whom , I thank his Worship , I dined , and also had some other token of his love and bounty , for the which I remayn thankfull . Of Yorke I have but little to say , though it be a great , a faire , and the second City in England , built 989 years before our Saviours Birth , by Ebrank King of this Land , from whom the City is called Eboracensis , this Ebrank is said to have 21 Wives , by whom he had 20 sonnes , and 70 daughters : he raigned here when as King Solomon Raigned in Ierusalem ; hee overran France , he builded Alclaid , or Dumbritton in Scotland , hee founded York , hee erected a Temple there , and therein plac'd a Flamine to Diana : but after ( in King LUCIUS time ) Elutherius pull'd downe the said Idolatrous wooden Temple , and displac'd the Flamine , and caused tho Minster to be built in that magnificent manner of free stone , placing there an Archbishop ; severus the Roman Emperour dyed there , and also there dyed the Emperour Flavius Vallerius Constantius ( which some call Chlorus ) those that will know more of York , let them reade Chronicles and larger Volumes . The Lord Major of Yorke was ( at my being there , one Sir Roger Iaques Knight , a Gentleman of approved wisdome and government : myself did not stay three houres , and myne Hoast Master Corney at the Talbot , told mee all the news which I heard there , which was a fellow , that ( amongst other offenders ) was the first that was hang'd , and the last that was cut down , and being put into the grave or pit , with his fellows , when the earth was cast upon them , he began to stir and recover life , and was return'd to the Gaole is now there living , and able to report truly what hanging is , Probatum est . From Yorke I rode after Dinner to Tadcaster , and so to a place called Kidell , where at a poore Ale-house I was glad of entertainment , and had the company of a Tinker who made pretty Musique with his Banbury Kettle-drum , there was also with him two Drovers and 35 Hogs , which were to be driven on the morrow seven miles further to Leeds Market , this good lodging and company , I past the night with all , and on the morrow , I road to the Town of Leeds ; of which Towne I must say somewhat . This Town is ( for the bignesse of it ) one the most populous Towns in England , it hath in it above 12000 people , and having but one Church there , it was not halfe capable to receive so great a Congregation , they were extremly thronged and dangerously crowded ( especially in the heat of Summer , or sultry contagious weather ) that the most part of the people were inforc'd eyther to go two or three miles severall ways to other Village Churches , or else to stay at home and want the hearing of Gods Word , and the meanes of their salvation . The care and consideration of these Grievances entred into the pious minde of one Master John Harrison Gentleman there , ( now living ) so that God opened his heart , that of his owne proper costs he caused a Church to be built ( though it have but the name of a Chappell ) which is so large , that it will contain 4000 people , it is so neatly compacted and framed , with exquisite art of carving and Masonry , with painting , gilding , polishing , embellishing , and adorning , with a most stately Roofe , a fair losty Tower or Steeple , a sweet Ring of Bels ; besides the admirable and costly Joyners and Carvers Workmanship in the Font , Pulpit , Pewes , Chancell , Communion Boord , and all other things and ornaments for the decent adornment of such a House consecrated and dedicated to the Service of God. I do absolutely affirme , that neither the Church or the Founder hath any fellows to be found . This Chappell is called by the name of Saint Iohn Evangolist , it hath a faire Churchyard for Burials , well and strongly walled about , and at the West end of the Church-yard , the said Gentleman hath founded a faire Almse-house , and therein placed 21 poore aged people ; also hee hath founded and finished a faire School-house for the instruction of youth , and a fine sweet street hee hath built on both sides in a uniforme and faire manner , with Houses : the Rents whereof are for the mayntenance of the Almes-houses , the Schoole , and Reparations of the Church to the end of the World. And I leave this worthy Founder to God for a blessing , and to the World for imitation . From Leeds I went to Wakefield , where if the valiant Pinder had been living , I would have play'd Don Quixot's part , and challenged him ; but being it was so happy that he was dead , I past the Town in peace to Barnsley , and so to Wortley , to Sir Francis Wortleyes ancient House . The entertainment which himselfe , his good Lady , and his most faire and hopefull daughter gave mee there , as I never did or can deserve , so I never shall be able to requite , to talke of meat , drinke , money , and free welcome for Horse and Man , it were but a meer foolery for me to begin , because then I should run myself into a Labyrinth , out of which I should hardly finde the way : Therefore to his Worship , my humble thanks remembred , and everlasting happinesse wished , both to him and all that is his . Yet I cannot forbeare to write a little of the further favour of this Noble Knight . Upon the fourteenth of September afternoon , he took horse with mee , and his Lady and daughter in their Coach , with some other Servants on horseback ; where three miles we rode over Rocks and Cloud-kissing Mountains , one of them is so high , that ( in a cleere day ) a man may from the top thereof see both the Minsters or Cathedrall Churches , Yorke and Lincolne , neere 60 miles off us ; and as it is to be supposed , That when the Devill did looke over Lincolne , as the Proverbe is ) that hee stood upon that Mountaine ) or neer it : Sir Francis brought me to a Lodge , the place is called Wharncliffe , where the Keeper dwels , who is his man , and keeps all this Woody , Rocky , Stony , Vast Wildernesse under him , for there are many Deere there , and the Keeper were an Asse if he would want Venison , having so good a Master . Close to the said Lodge , is a Stone in burthen at the least 100 cart loads , the top of it is foure square ( by Nature ) and about 12 yards compasse , it hath three seats in the forme of Chaires , made by art ( as it were in the front of the Rocke ) wherein three persons may easily sit , and have a view and goodly prospect over large Woods , Towns , Corn-fields , fruitfull and pleasant Pastures , Valleyes , Rivers , Deere , Neat , Sheep ; and all things needful for the life of man : contayned in thousands of Acres and all ( or the better part , belonging to that Noble Knights Ancestors , and himself . Behinde the Stone is a large Inscription ingraven , where in an old character is described the ancient memory of the Wortleys ( the Progenitors to Sir Francis now living ) for some hundreds of yeares , who were Lords and Owners of the said Lands and Demaynes which hee now holds as their right Heire . About a Bow shoot from thence ( by the descent of many rungs of a ladder ) his Worship brought mee to a Cave or Vault in a Rocke , wherein was a Table with feats , and Turfe Cushions round , and in a hole in the same Rock , was three Barrels of nappy liquour , thither the Keeper brought a good Red Deere Pye , cold roast Mutton , and an excellent shooing-born of hang'd Martimas Biefe : which cheer no man living would thinke such a place could afford : so after some merry passages and repast , we returned home . On the fifth of September , I hired a Guide , and rode to Hallifax 16 miles , the ways were so rocky , stony , boggy and mountaynous , that it was a days journey to ride so short a way . At Hallifax I saw the fatall Engine , wherewith they do behead pilfering Thieves , which Sir Francis Wontley told me was set upon this occasion following . This Towne of Hallifax hath ( for time out of minde ) liv'd and subsisted by the rich and laudable Trade of Cloathing , and oftentimes their Cloathes were stolne from the Tenterhooks , ( or Tenters ) whereupon the King ( then Raigning ) upon their humble suite had priviledge granted to the Town for ever : That if a Thiefe were taken , either of these three ways , which is , Handnapping , Back-bearing , or Tongue-telling , that is , either about to steale , or carrying it away , or confessing , that then the party offending ( after triall by a Jury of Townsmen ) if the goods , be it cloth , cattell , or whatsoever is valuable , is judg'd to have their heads struck off with the said Engine , without any Assize or Sessions . Now the Engine is two high pieces of Timber , an ell or yard asunder , fixed and closed on the top , with a crosse piece like a Gallowse ; in the inner sides of the two standing pieces are two gutters , and on the top ( or crosse piece is a pulley through which they do put a small Line or Rope , and fastning it to another heavyer piece of wood of 100 weight ( in which they doe fix the sharp-edge-toole ) then they doe pull or hoyst up the said weight , and the stolne goods is brought to the place of execution with the Malefactor ; now one end of the Rope is made fast to a pinne or stake , which being cut , the Engine fals so ponderously and speedily , that it sovers the head from the body in a moment , but there is no man will or must cut the Line , but the Owner of the stolne goods , which if he do , hee hath all again : if he will not cut it , then he must lose all , and it is employed to some charitable uses ; by which means the Thiefe escapes ; and this is Hallifax law . The sixt day I left Hallifax , and road oversuch wayes as are past comparison or amending , for when I went downe the lofty Mountaine called Blackstone Edge , I thought my selfe with my Boy and Horses had been in the land of Break-neck , it was so steep and tedious , yet I recovered 12 miles to Rochdale , and then I found smooth way to Manchester , and to Sandy Lane end 13 miles ; and to Chester 14 miles , which was the furthest place of my tedious travell . For my short stay at Chester ( which was but one day and two nights , I had good and friendly entertainment , of many Gentlemen , to whom I must rest thankfull , especially to the Worshipfull Master Alderman Edwards , and to Master Wright and his Wife . It was my fortune to see and rejoyce at the sight of the Noble , Right Honorable Earle and Knight of the Renowned Order of Saint George , William Earle of Darby : And although I have no relation to his Lordship or acquaintance with him , yet for the reverend reverend respect which I doe owe and beare to Nobility , it did me good to see so grave and honourable a Peere . The City of Chester , is of ancient erection and fame , it was the Royall Seat of Kings , and there are yet some ruines left of the memorable Pallace of King Edgar , to which Mansion the said King was rowed in a Barge by eight Captives ( or Tributary Kings from Saint Johns ) on the River of Dee , which River there is spoyled and impeached by a bank of stones all over it , onely for theemployment of a Mil or two , which River other ways would be both passable & profitable to the whole Country , for many miles , for the carriage of goods in Boats & Barks . Chester itself is a fair City four square , well walled , with an old ruin'd Castle , which hath beene a strong Fabrick , but now a Gaole , the streets are spacious , the buildings sumptuous , and so contrived , that four or five men may walk in the most parts of a breast , dry from the injury of Raine , or any falling Weather : it is gravely and peaceably governed by a Major and his 12 Brethren , it hath foure Gates and three Posterns , goodly Churches , and chiefly painfull and learned Preachers . And so much for Chester . Onely a merry Tale , of a late true businesse which hapned there ; There dwelt a Bricklayer , a good Workman ( but a good husband ) whose name was Iohn Tilly , who had the good hap to spend all that he got in his lifetime , except two sonnes and one daughter : And being sicke and in his death-bed , there came a poore neighbour to visit him , whom he desired to make or write his last Will and Testament ; the poor man ( having Ink and Paper ) asked him what hee should write ? Quoth honest John Tittle , my estate is but little , but I pray thee write thus . IMprimis , I give and bequeath to my Wife ( for her solace and comfort ) my little Dog , for it is a pretty nimble active Curre , and wil make her some sport which may delight her , and put the grief of my death out of her sad remembrance . Item , I give and bequeath to my eldest sonne John , all my working Tools belonging to my trade of Bricklaying , which as hee may use , may be as available to him , as they have beene to me , and this is the summe of my Will. His youngest sonne standing by , sayd , Father , have you nothing to give mee ? Yes sonne ( quoth hee ) I had almost forgotten thee , but I will leave thee somewhat . Item , I give and bequeath to my sonne George seven foot of ground vnder the Gallowse . Good father take comfort ( said George ) for my hope is that you will recover , and live to enjoy that Legacie your selfe . Then the daughter pray'd him to give her somewhat whereby she might remember his fatherly love , Yes , quoth he , I pray write . Item , I give and bequeath to my onely daughter a Whores conditions and qualities , which as shee may use them , she may live in such estate and fame that she may be mistaken for a Gentlewoman . Lastly , I doe make and ordaine my Neighbour here , my full Executor : and for his paines for writing my Will , I do give him and his heires male for ever , an old shooing-horn . The ninth of September I turn'd my back upon Chester , ( almost without taking leave ) and road 15 miles to Nantwich , the tenth I rode to Stone and to Lichfield , 22 miles . Of the Ancient Town of Lichfield I can say nothing ( by reason of my short stay ) onely there is a faire and curious old Cathedrall Church or Minster . And the Towne hath that priviledge ( as mine Hoast told me ) that they can draw and hang one another , and never trouble any other Judge , Assize , or Sessions . The eleventh I rode to Faseley , Abersom , Hinckley and Dadlington , eighteen miles , where all weary and almost worne out with age and travell , I rested untill Saturday the fourteenth of September , and then rode eight miles to my brother Miles , at my old welcome lodging at Leicester . Newes from Hell , with a short description of the Hell at Westminster . NOt from that Hell where souls tormented lye In endlesse Death , and yet shall never die , Where gnashing cold , commixt with flames still burning , Where 's entrance free , but never back returning : Where nought but horrour , fiends , and torments dwell ; I bring no news from that accursed Hell ; Yet mine own merits are of such low price , To barre me from Celestiall Paradise , And sinke me in that horrid Lake infernall , But that my hope and faith is fixt supernall . The Hell I write of is well known to be A place of pleasure , and for all men free , Where wretched Ghosts are not in torments stayd , For all the pains upon the purse is laid . To finde this Hell you need not travell farre , 'T is understood the high Exchequer Barre At Westminster , and those who thither venter , Do not give Cerberus a sop to enter , For Charons fury , you need never feare it , ( Although ten thousand do land somwhat neer it ) Within this Hell is good content and quiet , Good entertainment , various sorts of diet , Tables a score at once , in sundry places , Where hungry mouthes fall to , and say short Graces , And then ( in some sort ) I may parallell This earthly Hell , with the infernall Hell. Hot sweltring vapours , Pots , and Cauldrons boyling , Great vehement fires , with roasting , stewing , broyling ; The Cooks & Scullions , all be smear'd and smoak'd , And in their Masters Grease well stew'd & soak'd , And had the Devill a stomack unto it , The Cook himselfe is not the rawest bit . Like as th' infernall Hell doth entertain All commers , so this Hell doth not refrain To give free welcome unto every one If money fayle not , there 's excepted None . This Hell is govern'd by a worthy Duke That Pluto like , his under fiends rebuke , There the tormenting Tapster is control'd , If courteously he Nick not ( as he should ) He must attend at every knock and rap , His reverend Iugge deckt with a frothy cap , He fils and empts , and empts and fils again Like Sisyphus , he toyles , but not so vain , Like Danaus daughters , taking up , and spilling , He 's always emptying , and he 's never filling . Thither the Counsellour for comfort comes To rince his toyling tongue , and wash his gums , The Client having Tityus empty maw ( His guts tormented with the Vulture Law ) He comming to this Hell may finde reliefe , Of comfortable Plumbroath , and Roast Biefe . There , for your solace you may feed upon Whole Seas of Pottage , hot as Phlegeton , And midst those Seas , by art , the Cooks hath laid Small Iles of Mutton , which you may invade With stomack , knife and spoon , or tooth and naile , With these , the victory you cannot faile . Therefore this earthly Hell is easier farre , Then where the miserable damned are , There 's no redemption from that black Abisse , And here regresse , as well as egresse is , Therefore they falsly do mistake the story , To call this Hell , which is but Purgatory , For here 's no Thraldome , from this place you may Get present freedome , if the shot you pay . Here followeth three Satyricall Lashes or Jerks , given with the Pen of the Authour , at or upon the Devil 's Ars a Peak . PEns , are most dangerous Tools , more sharp by ods Then Swords , and cut more keene then Whips or Rods ; Therefore ( most high and mighty Duke of Dis ) C●mmander where the Lake Avernus is , Great Lord of Limbo , S yx , and Phlegeton , Of Tartarus , Gehenna , Acheron , Most potent Monarch of black Erebus , Prince of the Triple-headed Cerberus , Sole Emperour of Darknesse , and dark works , Master of Hereticks , Infidels and Turks , Arch-flammin of hot Tophets smouldring flames , King of Cocytus , and th' infernall streams , Earle of all Errors , and chief Dominator Of all sins done , by Earth , Ayre , Land , or Water , Viscount , and Baron of large Barathrum , Since I have liv'd to come so neare your Bum , As is your wicked Worships Ars a Peake , Though some men think my Muse is all too weake ; I with my Pen doe meane to yerke and ferke ye , And ( as I promis'd ) with three jerkes will jerkeye . I know that many fooles will jeere and frumpe , That I durst come so neare the Divells Rumpe , And lash with my poore penne Satyricall , This great Don Diego Diabolicall : But I would have him and his friends to know , I jeere him not , for all his Bug-bare show : 'T is knowne that he , and all that him attend , To any Poet never was a friend : And therefore now I daring him oppose , And jerke his hellish Majesty in Prose . ALthough you ( great Master of the perpetuall Hot-house ) Don sel de Lucifer , have on the Earth in all places and Countries many multitudes of damnable sonnes , friends , and servants , to oppose mee and take your part , yet I being come so neer your Podex , must jerk your breech with my Satyre Pendragonly Goose quill , you know that reproofe is as ill taken as correction by the ungracious . Therefore although you are so bad that you are quite past any mending , yet your gracelesse Majesty may be lawfully touch'd by reprehending ; you have been a Cheater ever since the Creation , and in that Art of Coozening , youfirst cheated your selfe of everlasting happinesse , and gained thereby perpetuall perdition , and ever since you have play'd Hocus Pocus , and with your tricks , sleights , and jugling Legerdemayne , done your best to draw all the whole Race of Mankinde after you into your Kingdome of Cimerian Tenebrositie ; you taught our first Parents Infidelity , Pride , Disobedience and Lying , which qualities of theirs are so naturally descended to us , that ( by your industrious instigation ) we do continually shew ( by our lives and conversations ) of what house wee came . By their example of believing too much in you , we are growne incredulous in things which most concerns our better and best of being , and wee are so inur'd and practisde in lying , ( by your inspiration being the father of lyes ) that wee are doubtfull to believe one another . And yet ( like the Cretans ) with long use and custome , wee doe many times believe our own lyes to be true . May it please your infernall Hell-hood to take into your execrable consideration , that you were the first inventer of the most ignoble Science of Offence , you taught Caine the Imbrocado , and shewed him how to murder his Brother , and from that time to this , the Art of Murdering , Killing , and Cutting Throats hath beene universally and perfectly learned and practised . You have beene the inventer of all manner of destroying Weapons , from the high degree of the Welsh-hook , to the lower descent of the Taylors Bodkin ; and in these later times you ( with the helpe of a Frier ) have devisde a burning , smouldring , most Hellish and undefencible mischief that murders men by heaps , and ( with a powder ) can blow whole Kingdomes into the Firmament ; and for the innumerable Engines that are daily used and cast for such uses , your most high and Imperiall malediction have declared your selfe an excellent Artist , from the double Cannon to the Elder Gun-mines , Countermines , Petards , Granadoes , Fire-works , Wild-fire , and the Devill and all doe continually seek and worke the destruction of miserable Mankinde . You are a great Traveller , and will take the paînes to compasse the whole earth to finde a just man , on purpose to doe him a mischiefe , but for a crew of common Drunkards , Rascals , Bawds and Whores , you know you need not wet your foot to seek them , they are your own already , and by your good will , you would fill Hell so full , that Heaven should have but a few . And so let that passe for one and the first Jerke . SEcondly , you know that there is but one narrow way to happinesse , and many wayes to your Zona Torrida , Frigida , ( for all those large wayes doe meet in one at the last , and bring poore soules into your pestiferous Pursnet ) some go by the way of Sodome , to finde out your most damnable Mansion , some by the way of Incest , some by Adultery , some by Fornication ( for they say you are the Master of the Honourable and Worshipfull Company and Brother-hood of the Fornicators ) in which regard you are a great friend to Parators & Panders . You shew'd Cham the way how to deride his father , by which example a company of Chammists , have ever since practised not onely to mock , scoff , and abuse their naturall parents , but also to contemne , raile and revile against Kings and Princes , who are the Royall Fathers of Terrestriall Government , and further to despise , slight , and libell against the most Reverend Fathers , the Stewards and painfull Dispensers of the spirituall food of Eternity ; you directed Corah and his Complices the high rode-way to murmur ; Achitophel to give wicked counsell , and Absolon to rebel and usurpe ; you shewed Ioab the way to Treachery , Achan tosteale , Iobs wife to abuse her husband , from whom the most part of women ( like apt schollers ) are very expert in that kinde of miserable mystery . You put Gehezi into the high-way of taking a bribe , and it is too well known what a wicked number of followers he hath had of all degrees , from the Scepter to the Swain , from the black Gown to the buckrum bag . You directed Nabal ( who Anagrammatized or lead backward is Laban ) to be as churlish as a Hog , from whom miserable Dives hath perfectly learn'd the way to true misery , you taught Nimrod the way to tyrannize , and enclose and encroach upon Land and Territories , which hath beene the bounding , mounding , and curtalling of Commons . The raysing of Ambition , Pride , Voluptuousnesse , and such earthly vertues of accursed Greatnesse , and to the Almighty making of Beggers . You tye fast the Rich mans purse , and let loose the poore mans curse , you instructed Pharaoh , Senacherib , and Rabsheka in the way ofblasphemy , and from those Hellish presidents their wickednesse is daily impiously imitated , Shimei was one of your Anathema profound Schollers , and from you hee learn'd to curse the Lords Anointed extempore : once ( as I have read ) you were so addicted to peace and unity that you made Herod and Pilate friends , who were hatefull enemies , but afterwards your Hypocrisie was found , that it was your plot to destroy innocence : you made Demas to forsake the Truth , and embrace the World ( your wicked sister : ) you have never been unprovided of a kennell of Whores , Queans , and Concubines , to tempt and draw the wisest men to folly , and for him that is most strong ( in his owne opinion ) you have alwayes one darling sinne or other to fit his disposition , constitution , inclination , or humour , that like a Dalilah shall weaken him , or quite overthrow him . And this shall suffice for the second Ierke . THirdly and lastly , you know that your end draws nigh , and therefore now you rave , rage , and are more mad then ever you were , you know that after Doomsday , that you shall have no more power over Mortals , then you shall be for ever chain'd in your Denne like a Dogge in a Kennell ; and therefore now you with all double diligence , doe endevour to doe your best to doe your worst , and as much as in you lyeth , you draw us from bad to worse , and from worse to worst . The Hypo crite ( by your intcitement ) doth vizard all his villany , with the maske or veile of vertue ; hee follows the steps of Ananias and Saphira to a haire , hee with his sower looke shrowds a lofty minde . You have scatterd pride into as many shapes as Proteus , so that a proud fashion hunter ( if either money or credit will furnish him ) will transforme himselfe into as many formes as you can do ; our Roarers ( who by your pestiferous favour are stiled the damn'd crue ) are so given to most unhallowed meditation , that they lie a bed almost till Dinner time to study new oaths , to vent at this Ordinary , at Bowls , Cock-fighting , Horse-race , Whore-house , or any other place of Gentleman like or noble exercise ; and as you have taught them to sweare without feare , so they doe often forsweare without shame : although sometimes they hazzard their eares , as they doe their souls . Youset bad Projectors ( and unprofitable ) a work , as thick as Crab-lice or Caterpillers , and it is no doubt but you will deale so justly with them , that you will pay them their wages , & after you have set them a gog ( with a vengeance ) to doe injury with a mischiefe . You are so skilfull in Physicke , that you have made too many believe that the losse of a Mayden-head is an approved and speedy Medicine for the Green sicknesse . Poets , Painters ( and some few Courtiers ) you have so well taught that they can flatter most artificially with Pen , Picture , and by word of mouth . It is long of you that what ever the Choplin and the Chaplin liath , yet the thin-check'd Chiplin hath nothing at all . I know a poore Curate that comes and goes a mile every Sunday , be it Winter or Summer , all manner of weathers , sometimes wet to the skin , and preaches once a week ( on Sundays ) for bare five pound a yeare , the Tythe being valued at fix y pound per annum , so that the miserable Stipend or Hireling wages will hardly buy wood to make a fire for him when hee comes home to dry him , when hee s through wet . This is your worke ( Monsieur Diabola ) for it is your inspiration to put such wrangling spirits into Impropriatours , that for the not paying of a tenth Pudding or a tythe Egge the Law must take his course . You have brought the Schismaticall Separatist to be as unconformable as your selfe , for ( like you ) they cannot bide theCrosse or the signe of it ( if it be not upon money ) and you have made them as unmannerly as your selfe , for they will not move a Hat , or Bow a Knee at the Name of our Saviour , and they are wax'd as slovenly as you can make them , for they hate clean Linnen , and all order , neatnesse and decency in the Church ; And you have long practiz'd a politick slight , which is , that when a Reverend Pastor is painfully and carefully preaching to his Audience , instructing them how to avoid your snares and traps ; then you are so angry and impatient when you are told of your faults , and heare your damnable devices laid open , that you could afford to pull the Preacher out of the Pulpit by the eares , or to teare him in pieces , but that hee is so happy that you have no power over him : your inveterate malice being limited , curb'd , and snaffled by an unresistable High and omnipotent power , and hee very well understands and knowes in whose service he is , and whose Embassage he delivers , and therefore is so valiant that he neither feares or cares a rush for you ; which your imperiall malevolence perceiving , you have another trick for him , which is to lull the people asleep , ( of which number many times the best of the Parish are some ) by which means you do debarre them of what they should heare , and in the mean time , the Preacher speaks to the bare walls . And I am perswaded that is against your will , that there is any good Preacher living , and seeing they do live ( in despight of you ) and that by their care & industry they doe now and then violently plucke a soule from you , in revenge thereof you chiefly seek their confusion , either by war , slander , or starving them through want of means . Yet this much may be spoken as one of your good parts , which is , that you were never known to be drunke , and though you never walke uprightly , yet you never stumbled , you were never so fox'd but you knew the way home ( and the troth is , you are so bold , that you would make every place your home . ) The Court , the City , the Country , the Pallace , the Castle , the Cottage , and the Church and all , you are so audacious either to enter them by force , or else to insinuate and sneak into them by craft and subtilty . And though you are no drunkard , yet you doe love the whole Rabble of them so well , that you are unwilling to lose one of them all , but my hope is better . For if they leave it and mend their manners as they should do , the Devill the one of them you are like to have . You have the art to make great Scholler to learne Retrograde , for if a man be never so good a Grammarian , and hath Greek and Latine as perfect as Homer or Virgil , yet ( if he be married ) you doe too often teach his wife the way to reade him backward , like an Hebrician , and though he be never so well skild in learned Volumes , and the seven liberall Arts , yet shee puts him againe into his Horn-book . You have so much Devotion in you , that you doe assist those Brethren that doe pray zealously , that they may be disobedient with a safe conscience , and you make them so stout and valiant that some of them are more able to doe more service in a white sheet then the honestest man in a whole Shire can doe . You know that the Projector would be an honest man if hee did not keep company with himselfe , therefore you might do somwhat to be talk'd off , if you would separate him . It is a scurvy fashion of your devising , that wisemen in Russet , must reverence and stand bare to silken fools ; but to conclude , you have gotten such a freedome that you have a finger in all Trades , and an Oare in every mans Boat , nor was there ever any bad thought , word , or deed , imagined , spoken , or commited since the Creation , but you were at the middle and both ends of it ; and I do remember that I have read how once you bragged , boasted and promised to give all the kingdomes of the world to be worshipped , and afterward you were in that poore roguish case , that you were faine to aske leave to take possession of a silly Hog . In which manner of vain-glorious oftentation , bragging and boasting , the most part of men are expert , and to promise much , and performe nothing , is so easie a lesson of your teaching , that many great men are more ready and perfit in it then in their Pater nester . And now you Grand Master of mischief , you may trusse up your hose , for at this time my Pen is worn blunt , my Inkhorn dry and myselfe weary with jerking , where correction is in pain , and no possibility of no amendment . Thus after the expence of much money , and ten weeks time , having ridden 645 miles ( of sandry measures and sizes ) all weary and almost monylesse , I returned to London on Friday the twentieth of September , 1639. FINIS .