Maggots, or, Poems on several subjects, never before handled by a schollar. Wesley, Samuel, 1662-1735. 1685 Approx. 223 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 95 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-11 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A65464 Wing W1375 ESTC R33583 12125025 ocm 12125025 54564 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A65464) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 54564) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 907:1) Maggots, or, Poems on several subjects, never before handled by a schollar. Wesley, Samuel, 1662-1735. [17], 172 p. Printed by John Dunton ..., London : 1685. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Attributed to Samuel Wesley. cf. NUC pre-1956. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng English poetry -- Early modern, 1500-1700. 2003-02 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-03 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-04 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2003-08 Aptara Rekeyed and resubmitted 2003-09 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2003-09 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion In ' s own defence the Author writes Because while this foul Maggot bites He nere Can rest in quiet ▪ Which makes him make ▪ Soe sad a face Heed beg your worship or your Grace Vnsight vnseen to buy it ▪ Maggots : OR , POEMS ON SEVERAL Subjects , Never before Handled . By a Schollar . LONDON , Printed for Iohn Dunton , at the Sign of the Black Raven , at the Corner of Princes Street , near the Royal Exchange . 1685. To the Honoured Mr. H. D. Head-Master of the Free-School in D — , in the County of D — . THE great Cowley forgets not to acknowledge his Master's Care and Kindness while at Westminster ; nor , to come nearer , was Mr. Creech much tardier in publishing his grateful Resentments of the same Obligations from Mr. Curganven . — You may , Sir , justly wonder what makes me drag in such Names into a Piece where there is hardly like to be besides , one word of Earnest , and perhaps not many of Sence : You may be apt to judge me worthy not much less Punishment than that Comoedian who stole matter from the Sacred History to patch up his Farce . But here I must unavoidably take Refuge at the old thumb'd Scrap , Sic parvis componere magna — Or , to be more sincere ; this seem'd a pretty way of beginning ; I was fond of the Fancy , and knew not where to get a better . However , tho' I ha' been bold enough to make the Similie , I hardly dare be so sawcy , I mean o' my side , to apply it ; nor , tho' Mr. D — may be as noble a Field for Panegyric as any , venture to disgrace him with prefixing here his Name , or my little Praises . 'T is enough that all who knew me when under his Tuition , know what a fair share I enjoy'd of his undeserved Favours ; and that all who know so many famous Men as have had the happiness of their Education there , are satisfy'd 't is my own fault I ha'n't made suitable Proficiency to what might be rationally expected from such an advantageous Foundation . — As to my addressing these to you , though I can have no full Excuse , yet my Presumption or Vanity may admit , I hope , some Alleviation . This is my first form'd Birth , of which , tho' generally partaking all the Parent 's ill humours , the greatest part of the World uses to be , if not most fond , yet most concern'd ; and no wonder therefore , abstracting from its Value or Defects , I am willing to provide for it , and prefer it , But tho' Gratitude commanded you should know the Author , and that exact Respect he is still oblig'd to pay your former goodness ; yet ● was too conscious of the mean way I testify'd it in , and the unworthiness of the Acknowledgment , and had too tender a sense o● your Reputation , to let your name publickly appear here , before I knew what Reception these true Trifles might find in the World. The most , the best , the all I can say for 'em , is what I remember many a fair year past on such a kind of occasion : — Accept my Heart for Gift , and all , which will be the highest Honour can be pretended to by , Sir , Your Obliged Scbollar , and Humble Servant , &c. THE EPISTLE TO THE READER . Gentle Reader , IN the first place , pray take notice this is addressed only to those that buy the Book , for such as only borrow't , my good Friend the Bookseller and I will ha' nothing to do with 'em : For is there any Reason or Conscience in 't that he should write so many Letters to me about the business , and I take so much pains for him , besides some appurtenances of Money for Copy , Printing , &c. only for a meer How d' ye ? — In the next place , since it comes uppermost , I am to tell ye bonâ fide , that is in English in verbo Sacerdotis , that all here are my own pure Maggots , the natural Issue of my Brain-pan , bred and born there , and only there . — Nay the Bookseller and I would have you to know , these are no Scraps or Remains of I know not who ; which if you question , or doubt , you are to be fobb'd off again with a Prisoners-Basket of Collections ; I do ye to wit you are egregiously mistaken in the matter , and prove it by a couple of sturdy arguments . One — that never a Subject here was ever treated of , at least in this Method , by Man , Woman , or Sucking Child , from the beginning of the World to — this present writing , and so downwards : T'other argument , which you ' l find concludes very strongly ▪ is , — Because here wants a hundred and fifty Copper-plates precisely , ( curiously engraven , &c. ) which any that 's but ordinarily verst in modern History , knows to be as inseparable a mark of an omnium gatherum as the Cloven foot is of Mephistophiles . If you have therefore the Luck to see one gaudy picture at the beginning , which is even as it pleaseth Painter , and Printer , set your Heart at rest there , and hope not for a scrap of one more between — Gentle Reader and Finis . — But this is n't a Quarter of what you and I have to say to one another : I should be an hard hearted Bruit of a Father indeed , if I could be so cruel as to send this poor Brat of a Book abroad into the wide World , without speaking so much as one good Word for 't . What may be objected against it , is either as to the matter , or manner of 't ; and here , tho' with Mr. Rhombus I should cut my Cheese into two particles , yet since my Readers naturally fall into three parts , I can't help 't , to save my Life : They are either the Wise , or Fools , who 't is likely may be disgruntled at the first — or the Trimmers , a Little o' one with t'other , who may be offended at the Latter . — Now , Quo ' the first , — 'T is light , vain , frothy , airy , — here 's Time mispent , and may — be some pains on Subjects below the Gravity of a Man , at least of a Christian , to employ himself about . So much for Ob : enter Sol. — If those Gentlemen will do me the favour to lend me an handful or two of Beard , and be at the charge of grafting it ●n , I 'll oblige my self to a speedy , and thorough Reformation in that case . Some time is no doubt allowable for meer Recreation , this is certainly harmless ; I hope nothing will be found here that may either make me justly blush to own , or another to read ; and I hope they ' l grant this kind of diversion a little more excusable than fooling away two or three years , and it may be as many Reams of Paper , in doleful Dittys of Philander and Phillis , which uses to be the general work of all that are Prentices to a Verse-wright — They have , I believe , heard of the Great St. Basils Encomium on a Pismire , as well as the Diversions of many famous Persons on as Inconsiderable Subjects . I dare not before them quote the Authority of the ingenious Preface to the Valentinian , ( tho' hardly one of 'em but must own when young they have read both Plays and Romances : ) But here 's somewhat I some time ago cabbag'd from Osborn , that will I think help as well at a dead lift . — [ Advice to a Son of Studies — pag. 11. parag . 17. ] The way to Elegance of Stile , is to employ the Pen upon every Errand , and the more trivial and dry it is , the more Brains must be allow'd for Sawce . Thus by checking all ordinary Invention , your Reason will attain to such an Habit , as not to dare present you but with what is excellent . ] Well! If all this won't satisfie , what think ye of a knocking Argument , hight-necessity ? Who knows but my Shoes may want dearning , or my Stockings happen to be a little out at Elbows , ( no Miracles in a Rhimester let me tell ye ) and in this case a Recruit of as many yellow Ones as the Book-seller and I can agree upon , will be no false Latin. They may rejoyn , — Why not something serious then , and worthy my own pains , and others perusal ? 'T is easily answered , That tho' such a design should suit with my present Years and Inclinations , yet who would be the Customers ? Alas , their Party is but weak and small in the World ; which leads me to the second Part of my Text. — As concerning Fools , the Proverb is , — A Word to the Wise ; but o' the contrary , I hope to dispatch these more reasonable Gentlemen a great deal sooner ; their Objections sure can't be very material , nor will their Weapons make very deep Impressions , tho' soon shot : However , being the greatest , the most considerable , jovial , complaisant , agreeable part of Mankind , 't will be no small part of my Interest to oblige ' em . And why may'n't I have my chance as well as others ? If I take the same Method by which another has pleas'd 'em : If I write silly enough , why mayn't my Book sell as well as any Christmas Tales and Wonderments that has been clapt into Fist since Bills were invented ? I 'm sure my Verses — dribble down daintily , as Bro. Bunnyan has 't , as well as the best Sing-song in e're a Pilgrim's Progress of 'em all . But since these are great words , and Comparisons are odious , I 'l make an end of 'em , and only assure those whom it may concern , — That 't is all perfectly new ; 't is all mirth , — and I know not what else 't is recommends a Rattle to Children , and Bartlomew ▪ Fair to Fools . But if any chance to stick somewhere or other on something that looks like Reason , which I 'l engage shan't fall out often enough to choak 'em , why 't is but taking a small leap , and They 're safe and sound upon the Terra firma of Nonsence agen . — But now for the middle-siz'd man , just in the Centre of Gravity , between wise and fool , — that cruel Indifferent , which not a whining Lover in Chistendom but shall tell you , is a thousand times more unsupportable than flat and plain hating . What 's to be done with this most unhoopable Reader ? I doubt he 'l make as doleful a clatter among my poor Maggots , as Lucian's Colossus , quarrelling and hunching about for Elbow-room in the Parliament of the Gods , who broke holes in the very Roof of Olympus with his Steeple Crown . This is that dreadful sort of Animal , as common , and teasty , and mischievous in the Play-house , as the Mesquito in hotter Countries , or Gnats in the Fenlands . By this time I suppose you know what I mean by all this clutter ; neither better nor worse than that sort of Creature call'd a Critic : And he 't is likely Tooth and Nayl falls abord the manner of my work . Right Worshipful . — 'T is strain'd , — affected , — full of Longe-petites , store of Incongruities , — Uncorrect , — Tedious — Digressions , long-Comment run away with the Text , &c. If you have any thing more Mr. Critic ! pray speak now , or for ever after hold your peace ! No : This some will say is more than enough , because unanswerable . But softly ; One's Tale's good till another's is told . Is any thing strain'd or obscure ? In such uncommon Subjects , so purely out of the Road , how can the Superstructure be otherwise ! Pray what Author could I consult ●o pillage a sparkling Verse from here and there , or , like some Chymic Angel ( as a late Author or two have it ) to nimm a golden Fancy , on such Themes as these ? Would some good Body would advise what Shop in Paul's Church-yard , Duck-Lane , or Little-Brittain , I should consult to find a Treatise of the Causes , Essence and Property 's of a piece of Ginger-bread , or in what part of the Transactions of the Royal Society , I should find how many yards a nimble Louse reaches at Hop-Stride-and-Jump ? This too , by the way , may in some measure excuse my Digressions , tho' even those may , like an Episode in a Play , be so managed as to become a Grace , rather than a Blurr to the design , if they ben't too many ; — if proceeding naturally from the main design , and all helping towards it ; — if not over-tedious ; all which Requisites , or most of 'em , will , I hope , square with mine . For the filling so much of the Book with Explanation , — Let 's discourse here for a while very gravely . Is 't not better to do thus than leave the Grammarians a thousand year hence to scratch , and bite , and break one anothers Heads about one's meaning , as they do now about Perseus's , where , may be , like the Quakers , we deny meanings , and have , in that place , none at all . How would poor Homer bless himself , were he , like his own Ulisses , to return , and find how he is , since his Death too , improv'd into a Statuary , a Captain , a Moralist , a Politician , and would you think it ? a Divine too , and a thousand other things he never so much as thought or dream't of , poor old-Fellow , since the hour he was born ! But supposing the worst , or , if you please , granting it , that Roguy Time should be so sacrilegiously hungry as to devour all these fine things in a Twelve-month and a day , ( as 't would be a great Temptation , I 'll assure ye , to one sharp set to find 'em under Pyes ; ) Yet , when for the reason before alledg'd , it is impossible to have every where common Notions on so uncommon Subjects , I have by these Notes endeavoured to make all plain to the meanest Capacity , with as much brevity as could consist with clearness . Nor in this very case is a noble Example wanting , were 't not against the Rules of Decency , to defend so little a thing with such great Authority . For the Incongruities , which I doubt not may , if any whose Eyes are sharpen'd with Prejudice , or Iudgment , look close on 'em , be easily observed , ( besides the Carelesness and undress with which in many places the Verse appears : ) First , I remember I 'm neither writing a Supposition in Philosophy , nor a System of Divinity , nor an Epic Poem , where indeed all ought to be most religiously observ'd . What was said by a person , however by Wits of a greater Genius expos'd , yet certainly , if thirty Years Experience be any thing , no Fool in Poetry , has certainly a great deal of truth in 't . — He that servilely creeps after Sense , Is safe , but ne'r shall reach at Excellence . — Or somewhat like it ; tho' perhaps he may be as apt to censure others in that case , as many have him . If this ben't enough , I would desire such as are yet dissatisfi'd , to take notice , that tho' for Reasons told half-an-hour-agon , this was printed , yet I could never be vain enough to think 't would procure the Author much Reputation ; and therefore , as I wa'n't over ambitious of seeing my worthy Name adorning a Pissing-Post , or glittering in a Term-Catalogue , so nor did I think it worth the while to throw away better time in making it more correct , or shewing it to any person , not troubling my few Friends with my Resolution to publish it . If any are so unconscionable , that all this won't satisfie ' ●m , but either for old Acquaintance , or new Remembrance they must be finding or making faults , the comfort on 't is , I have the same liberty , and am as free to think what I please of theirs , if ever they have or may come under the Predicament of the Author ▪ — I can't remember any thing more , but , — You 're very welcome Gentlemen ! And therefore to conclude , with the help of the Accademy of Complements , and my Book-seller's Epistle , So I rest , Yours , Yours , Yours , In ten thousand Obligations of Love and Service , &c. Books lately published by J. Dunton . A Very delightful and useful Treatise , Entituled , Heavenly Pastime , or pleasant Observations on all the most remarkable passages throughout the Holy Bible of the Old and New Testament , newly Allegoriz'd , in several pleasant Dialogues , Poems , Similitudes , Paraphrases , and Divine Fancies : To which is added , ( 1 ) The miraculous manner of the production of our Old Grandmother Eve , with the supposed manner of Adam's first Nuptial Addresses to her , and the pleasant Circumstances of their Marriage . ( 2 ) You have an Account of Eve's first Addresses to Adam , and her Industry in making a Garment for her Husband . ( 3 ) You have a pleasant Account of Adam and Eve's Winter Suits , their Lodging and first Building , with an Account in what pretty manner they first invented a fire to warm them . ( 4 ) You have abundance of supposed Dialogues , very full of delightful reading , &c. The Pilgrim's Guide : To which is added , The Sick Man's Passing-bell . Both by Iohn Dunton . A Continuation of Morning-Exercise Questions and Cases of Conscience , practically resolved by 31 Reverend and able Divines in the City of London . In a large 4 to . The Progress of Sin , or the Travels of Vngodliness , in an Allegory . As also the manner of his Apprehension , Arraignment , Tryal , Condemnation and Execution . The second Edition : To which is now added , Vngodliness's Voyage to Sea , with many pleasant Additions besides . By B. Keach . Illustrated with five lively Cuts . Price bound 1 s. The Travels of True Godliness , in an Allegory . The seventh Edition : To which is now added five lively Cuts , together with True Godliness's Voyage to Sea , with many new Additions besides . By B. K●a●h , Author of War with the Devil . Price Bound 1 s. Maggots , On a Maggot . THE Maggot Bites , I must begin : Muse ! pray be civil ! enter in ! Ransack my addled pate with Care , And muster all the Maggots there ! Just at the Gate you ' l bless your Eyes , To find one of so large a Size : 'T is true he 's hardly full as tall , As the two striplings in Guildhall ; Yet is he Jolly , Fat , and Plump , With dainty Curls from Snowt to Rump : ( a ) And struts , says Iordan what he can , As goodly as any Alderman . The Law of Poetry's not broke , If , since an Horse in Homer spoke ; I steal , for my dear Worms Occasions A scrap of Livy's fine Orations : ( b ) ( And 't will , no doubt , as much be said , By him , as them for whom 't was made . ) Within a Nut-shells Pulpit large , As grave as Iudge that 's giving charge ; Swelling as big as Iustled Bully , Thus he holds forth like t' other Tully : Take notice all that hither come ! ( c ) Romanus ego civis sum . 'T was I my self , 't was I possest , Scaevola's mighty Brain , and Breast ; I was the Worm in 's Crown , that made , The Hec. Porsenna's camp invade : I did the' Heroick Iobb : 't was I , ( d ) That made his Paw , like Drum-stick fry : 'T would make the dullest Maggot smile , To ' observe his pretty motions , while , His Mutton-Fist did Hiz , and Broil : Of which I an account could give ye , ( e ) Truer by far than Goodman●Livy . When the Spark Tarquin did prevail , For all ●●oretia's Tooth , and Nail ; And , which if true were ungenteel , Kiss't her , poor Soul ! against her will : Was 't not a very pleasant Whimm , ( f ) That she should kill her self for him ? When , I that saw it , durst have sworn , She was as Innocent as Child unborn ; Pray let not Livy's Shams prevail ! I was the Worm , in Pate , and Tail : That made the Matron bravely dye ▪ A Sacrifice to Chastity . ( Good Folks that Love your Necks , stand clear ▪ ( g ) For I must leap five hundred Year : ) 'T was I brought down that Rampant Gypsie , ( h ) Whose Love and Pearls made Tony tipsie : And , when she him no more could clasp , ( i ) The Maggot bit , as well's the Asp ; I stood at the Beds-feet , Intent On her Last Will , and Testament : I come she cryed , I com' dear Hony ! And then kickt up with Tony ! Tony : But I 'me not only bold , and valiant , For Wit , an 't please ye ! too 's my Talent ; And by a better Title , I May plead for God of Poesie . Than those whom each dull Thief abuses , In Dogrel Phoebus , and the Muses : When Virgil all day long did write , ( k ) And lickt his pretty Cubbs at night ; I roll'd about his Brain , and there Aeneas Good , and Dido fair , Now plac'd a Scolding , now a Billing , ( l ) Sometimes begetting , sometimes killing . What e're he of old Sybill prate , 'T was I that propt his H●roes Fate ; And when Post-horses he did lack , ( m ) Lugg'd him to Hell a-Pick-a-Pack . I am the very God , and like ye , That fell in Love with Mrs. Psiche ; Let none my just pretensions scorn , For Cupid was a Maggot born : Then thriv'd , and grew , and by degrees , Like his harmonious Brother-Bees , Thrust out a Leg , and then a Wing , And Bow , and Arrows for a Sting . ( n ) And when I please my self to Dart , Into a ravisht Lovers Heart ; 'T is I who all their Souls inspire With soft Wishes , gay Desire , Melting Looks , and amorous Fire . Hold ! hold ! 't is time to grow more humble , ( o ) Least I like Phaeton , should tumble ; I 'll Mount no more , but here sit steady , Since I 'me a Goddikin already . NOTES . ( a ) [ And strut , say Iordan what he can , As goodly as any Alderman . ] The Incomparable Mr. Jordan , ( quem honoris causa nomino ) who has made London as famous by his Lord Mayors day Poetry , as ever Pryn did Mount Orgueil . ( b ) [ And 't will , no doubt , as much be said , By him , as them for whom 't was made . ] I suppose few Consciences but are a little too Costive in this Case , and for all Mr. Livy's Authority , are apt to believe Scaevola had other things to mind than making fine speeches , and round Periods when his Fist was frying . ( c ) [ Romanus ego Civis sum . ] The beginning of Scaevola's Oration in Livy . ( d ) That made his Paw , like Drum-stick fry : 'T is a known Story , when Rome was besieged by King Porsenna , Mutius Scaevola went to the Camp , intending to stabb him , but mistook a Nobleman of his Train for the King , for this had his Hand broil'd over a Chaffing-Dish of Coals , ( like a Pullets claw ) but held it all the while unconcern'd and immovable : see the Story in Livy's Decades , Vol. 1. Book 1. p. 78. ( e ) [ Truer by far than Goodman Livy . ] For there would not be half so many prodigies in 't . — He somewhere or other , makes an Oxe speak — and why not my Maggot as well ? ( f ) [ That she should kill her self for him . ] Lucretia's Death , the cause , and manner on 't is at every School-boys fingers Ends — She kill'd her self because Tarquin's Son Sixtus had ravish'd her . ( g ) [ For I must leap five-hundred Year . ] Supposing 't were more from Lucretia to Cleopatra , yet that 's a good round Number , and Poets have seldom been old excellent at Cronology . — Witness Virgil. ( h ) [ Whose Love and Pearls made Tony tipsie : ] Cleopatra dissolv'd in a Draught of Wine , gave Mark Anthony a Pearl worth — I dont know what . ( i ) [ The Maggot bit , as well's the Asp. ] To avoid her being expos'd to the Conquerers Mercy , she clapt Vipers to her Breast , and dy'd . ( k ) [ And lickt his pretty Cubbs at Night . ] Virgils Commentators mention that as his custom , to compose some 40 verses , and reduce 'em all into 8 , or 10. ( l ) [ Sometimes begetting , sometimes killing . ] This must be taken Sano Sensu. Take notice I mean Aeneas for one , and Dido for t' other . ] ( m ) [ Lugg'd him to Hell●a-Pick-a-Pack . ] Aeneas his descent into Hell takes up a fair Cantler in Virgil ; nor I believe , tho' the learned differ here , will any quarrel about this Circumstance ; whither he rode thither on my Maggot , or Old Sybilla's Broomstaff . ( n ) [ And when I please my self to dart , Into a ravisht Lovers Heart . ] And no doubt will be as good Company there as the Fury's Snakey Worms , which they are bound to throw into every one they bewitch . ( o ) [ Least I like Phaeton should tumble . Who fairly broke his Neck from his Fathers Coach-box , like Crashaws Dwarf from the Pismires back . On two Souldiers killing one another for a Groat . FUll doleful Tales have oft been told , By Chimney warm in Winter cold , About the Sacred Thirst of Gold ; To hear 'em half 't would mad ye . To Jayl how many Headlong run , How many a hopeful Youth 's undone , How many a vile ungracious Son , For this has murder'd Daddy ? Yet those that tumble Books , may find , Unless ( as who can help 't ! ) They 're blind , That Silver comes not far behind , But 's e'ne as bad as t ' other : For this , who 'd of such luck have thought ? For this , tho' not above a Groat , Two Valiant Souldiers lately fought , And murder'd one the other . Well! who can tell how soon he ' may dye ? Both , as good Friends as You and I , Their hungry Wembs to satisfie ? Scale an enchanted Castle : Painted without some think 't a kin , To that renowned Fort wherein Quixot the Great such fame did win , And with fell Gyants Wrastle . ( a ) As kind as ever in their Life , As kind they sate as Man and Wife , O! who among 'em scatter'd Strife ; That Petty fogging Fury ? But this is plainly prov'd by all , Some Viper to their Hearts did crawl , And so they ' l find it if you call An Honest Poets Jury . ( b ) A Groat was dropt upon the Board , This takes it up , That draws his Sword , And tells him it must be restor'd , Or else expect what follows ! Each gives the Lye , and at that Word Each runs upon the t ' other 's Sword , And each , stretcht fairly Under-board , In Blood and Liquor wallows . So Aruns , and great Brutus fell , ( c ) And so they fought , thô scarce so well , So to Elysium , or to Hell , They sunk , I know not whether : So on New-markets Jolly Heath , The Hawk , and Hearn strugling for Breath ▪ Thô not in Life yet joyn'd in Death : Come tumbling down together . ( d ) Both grin at their expiring Foe , With Sword in Fist both Huffing go , To fright the trembling Shades below , Bloated with Martial Glory : Both in the Bed of Honour rest , With Lawrel bo●ghs , and Garlands dress't , Perfum'd as sweet as Phenix-Nest : And there 's an end o' th' Story . Yet take good Counsel , Courteous Friend , And learn by their untimely End , Not about Trifles to contend , Or with another grapple : Since Carrion-Strife has often wrought , Such mischiefs as you 'd ne're ha' thought , And murder'd for a Silver Groat , As well's a Golden Apple . ( e ) NOTES . ( a ) Quixot the Great such fame did win , And with fell Gyants Wrastle . ] Vid. Book the p. the of the renowned History of Don Quixot . Where the Knight was in great Peril by three dreadful Leather-Bottles of Wine , whom after a sore Battle , he at last Valiantly hew'd all to pieces . ( b ) — [ An Honest Poets Iury. ] — 'T is notorious how necessary Actors in any Poetical Murder , or Mischief , a Fury , and a Viper are — Vid. Virg. Aenead . B. 7. p. l. and if I may profane that great Name so much to quote it here , Mr. Cowleys Dav. B. p. l. Virg. Huic Dea caeruleis unum de crinibus anguem Conjicit , inque Sinum praecordia ad intima subdit . Cowley . ( c ) [ So Aruns , and great Brutus fell . ] Livy relates it in Book 1st . of 1 st Vol. p. 72. 〈◊〉 the first encounter , Aruns and Brutus both fell dea● from their Horses , pierced quite through with one anothers Spears . ( d ) [ The Hawk and Hearn came tumbling dow● together . ] The Custom of the Hearn when she sees th● Hawk stooping at her , and no way of escape , is 〈◊〉 turn her Long Bill upwards , upon which the Hawk not being able to stop , runs it self through , and so bot● often drop down dead together . ( e ) [ As well's a Golden Apple . ] The Story is worn thed-bare of the Golden Ap●ple which was the cause of the Wars of Troy. The Argument . A Tame Snake left in a Box of Bran , was devoured by Mice after a great Battle . Written An. Dom. 1681. NO Monarch's Death , no fall of Prince or King , My humble rural Muse intends to sing . Let others strive in everlasting-Verse , First to make Hero's , then t' adorn their Herse . Of stranger Tragedys I will complain ; Low Subjects best befit a lowly Swain . Immortal Maro did immortal make The loving Gnat that sav'd him from a Snake : The Theme's inverted now , why should not I Give my poor harmless Worm an Elegy ? Why should not I his luckless Fate bemoan , Wrong'd and abus'd by all , but wronging none ? Bred in the Fields , he oft was bruis'd and broke By ev'ry cross-grain'd Traveller's cruel stroke ; At length he leaves th' unhospitable Air , And to the Town 's Asylum does repair ; There all his Tricks and all his Slights imparts , ●o to revive his Patron 's drooping Hearts : Now through a Ring he 'll softly gliding pass , Now weave a thousand Circles in the Grass ; Now in a thousand folds himself he 'll tye , Which with the Oraculous Gordian Knot shall vye : This Alexander needs not cut in twain ; Next moment finds it all dissolv'd again . Him no proud Louvres , nor Escurial's Hide , What has a humble Worm to do with Pride ? A little Box which his kind Master gave , His Pallace was , and would have been his Grave ; But sacrilegious Mouths him thence did tear , And made their Guts his loathed Sepulcher . Epicurizing there on homely Bran , He Gluttony upbraids in wiser Man ; As happy as a harmless Snake could be , Happy as Cadmus or Hermione . Erinnis saw , and foam'd , and rav'd , and griev'd , My Snake better than her black Vipers liv'd : Unto great Moustapha she does repair , With leathern Wings forcing the burthen'd Air ; Moustapha , cruel , secret , bold and wise , Redoubted Monarch of the well-teeth'd Mice , Approaching his proud Palace , she put on The form of Mab , Empress to Oberon : When the stern Prince of Mice in slumber lay Tir'd with luxurious Revels of the day , The Fury envying him so calm a rest , Enthrones a Vice-Roy Viper in his Breast . Then thus accosts him , — Wake , lost King , awake , Unless your last long Sleep you mean to take : That Traytor who your Brother once o'repower'd , And on yon fatal Lake his Limbs devour'd , When with Physignathus he went to view Regions before unknown to him and you ; The treacherous Water-Snake hard by does rest , And will , I fear , attempt your sacred Breast : Rise then , if you 're a King , and guard your Throne , Revenge your Brothers Quarrel , and your own . Thus said , no longer she above abides , But down agen , a-down to Hell the Fury slides . Up starts the Micean Prince , and stares around , And with his Cryes the ecchoing Walls resound : Off from his Bed he leaps , and takes his Launce , A piece of an old Needle found by chance ; Then with another skip he nimbly flees To his tough Shield made of the Rind of Cheese : A Guard he cries , with Scrieches shrill and long , And his bold Subjects to the Presence throng , Like walls of Brass they all around him stand : When Silence was observ'd at his Command , He thus bespake his Princes , — — Shall we be Always content with sordid Slavery ? Not Long ago stern Iove fierce Tybert sent , Who all the Flower of our sad Nation rent ; When freed from her a while we breath'd in peace , New Foes , new Rebbels every day increase . And is this all the Guard my Princes keep ? Thus could you kindly let your Soveraign sleep , Whilst a fierce Viper does in ambush lye ? Thus could you undiscover'd pass him by ? Upon you Cliff , my Genius found him out , With feeble — wooden Walls inscons'd about . There needs no more , if ye are Mice , begin , Stand to your Arms , and take the Fortress in . That happy Mouse that brings the Traytor 's Head , With Garlands Crown'd , shall round our Streets be led , And my Fair Daughter grace his Nuptial Bed. A dreadful new-form'd Army strait appears , Bright numerous Troops of eager Volunteers : Unto the Castle their joynt Forces drew , All Pioneers , and all Assailants too : It s feeble Walls they madly undertake , And quickly the too weak Foundations shake . A spacious Breach but too too soon was made , But my Snake knew not how to be afraid ; Rais'd his blew Crest , with Hisses fill'd the Air , And bravely does for brave defence prepare . Artophagus , the Young , the Fair , the Stout , Get's o're the Rampire first of all the Rout : But the Defendant nimbly thrusts him down , And on a Rocky Mountain splits his Crown ; The fall does all his well-head'n bones displace , His Brains Spurt out and stick upon the face Of sad Sitaphagus , who was combin'd By Friendship to him , as by Nature joyn'd : Upon his bleeding Reliques down he fell , Wishing for ever only there to dwell ; He 'd his desire , for , crusht with a huge stone , Even as in Life , so they in Death are one . Their fates inrag'd the bold surviving Crew , Who to the Breach like Bees in Clusters flew ; With Ivory Spears some lance his chequer'd Breast , Some scaling Ladders raise , and mount , the rest ; Undermine all the avenues , and some , Bring in Reserves , ( without or Flute , or Drum All their Efforts as yet are spent in vain , Unmov'd he like a Rock does still remain : Huge weights the Ladders crack , he sees his foes , Mangled , and crush't by their own party's blows . Great Moustapha himself does now draw nigh , And his glad followers voices rend the Sky ; His Ianizary's to the assault he calls , Who like themselves assail'd the tottering Walls ; Swarms of four-footed Warriours now had set Their Arms upon a lofty Parapet : A natural counterscarp of living store ; The Assailants strove at first to mine't , but they Discourag'd with the Labour went away : Here the Sly Snake swift through a Port-hole goes , Unfear'd , unmarkt by his presumptious foes : With various windings he attempts to shock The now more than Half undermined Rock ; No little Prudence , and no little pain Now loos'd the stubborn Earth which did retain The unwieldy stone ; the stone which now did bear Innumerable Warriour , who repair To the free breach , does on a sudden fall And in Inevitable ruine plung'd 'em all . Loud shreeks here scale the Heavens , and a warm flood Springs up from the poor mangled Miceans blood . The horrid paint press't from the reeking Dead , Soon turns the Living's sable hiew to Red. Heart-chilling fear , and black despair around , The fearful , desperate Micean camp resound ; They can't for the retreats late signal stay , He 's the best Souldier thought that fastest runs away . The Mighty Dragon he has hir'd they cry , And raise a formidable Mutiny : Moustapha from his Tent does hasten out , By Love , or fear to stop the murmuring Rout ; Now he perswades , and now enrag'd does stamp , Bidding his Guards kill all that leave the Camp. A greater fear prevails with some to stay , Tho' envying such as ran betimes away : The enraged Tyrant of proud Micea's Lands , Mounted upon a Captive Moustrap stands ; His furious Eyes sparkle with boyling Ire , He breaths Destruction , Blood , Revenge , and Fire . Then thus Accosts his Army . Can it be ! How long have Micean Souldiers learn'd to flee ? Degenerate Mice ! to lead you I disdain , Throw down your Arms , and e'ne sneak home again ! Where are those Heroes who with me could dare , And beat the Elephant , whose shoulders bare , Without a Trope , huge Castles in the Air ? One of your Valiant Ancestors , in strife With Man himself did save a Lyons Life , And for his lawful Guerdon did possess By her great Parent 's Will the Lyoness ; Tho' some may his too luckless end deride , Like Phaeton in great attempts he dy'd . Was it indeed so long ago , when we Took noble Arms against the Tyranny , Of cruel Puss ? ( a Curse upon the Name ! ) Where are your Souls ? where is your dear-bought fame ? Well may the Rebel Frogs rejoyce to see How their brave Conqu'rers poorly conquer'd be . Well may they rise against us , well may they Chase their poor low-soul'd , little Lords away . Shall one weak foe or forces baffle thus , And shall a Worm contend with Mighty us ? O Rowze your Souls , and wake your Rage and Hate , Poor Wretch ! Valiant he 's not , but desperate ; See where your mangled Fellows gasping lie , The Tryumphs of his Viperous Cruelty ! Be ready to revenge your Kindreds falls , As soon as the too tardy Trumpet calls ! On then like Mice ! the Manes of the Dead , Call for Revenge upon his guilty Head. A joyful Hum ran round the Camp , they shake Their dreadful Arms , and preparation make For General Assaults . This from on high , The pensive wounded Snake with Grief did Spy ; His Walls were gone , his feeble Curtains rent , His food , and all his Ammunition spent : There 's no hope ; dye he must , yet e're he dyes , Amongst his Friends he 'll leave some Legacies : His batter'd Castle which must be his Grave , To his kind Master once again he gave . His Bones , if reserv'd from the murdring Hand , Of the fierce Mice , to make his Hat a Band ; His Brains , if them some generous Mouse would bring , To them he gives who say he has a Sting : Who 'll give their sence the lye in meer despight , Altho' they see he 'l neither sting , nor bite . This done , he scorns to sneak into his Grave , But will at least a noble exit have ; Unto the Castle Wall he seems to grow , Ready to meet his Death , to meet his foe : Hundreds in Crowds over crusht hundreds come , Some to meet Conquest , most to meet their Doom . Weary'd with Death , and tir'd with killing now , The Champions Body , not his Mind must bow ; Now first his Enemy's weak hopes begin , And Floods of desparate foes all round come rolling in : All round he glides , and be they ne're so strong , Their Death he hasts , and does his Life prolong . But when ●he still encreasing Enemy , Like a swoln Torrent does all stops defie ; His nimble Tail about their Legs he twists , In vain his Fury every one resists : Then from on high a-down himself does throw , At once expiring with the expiring foe ; Encompass't round with Trophys , there he lies , And in the Bed of Honour bravely dyes . A Pindaricque , On the Grunting of a Hog . FReeborn Pindaric never does refufe , Either a lofty , or a humble Muse : Now in proud Sophoclaean Buskins Sings , O● Hero's , and of Kings , Mighty Numbers , mighty Things ; Now out of sight she flys , Rowing with gaudy Wings A-cross the stormy Skys , Then down again , Her self she Flings , Without uneasiness , or Pain To Lice , and Dogs , To Cows , and Hogs , And follows their melodious grunting o're the Plain . 2. Harmonious Hog draw near ! No bloody Butchers here , Thou need'st not fear , Harmonious Hog draw near , and from thy beauteous Snow● Whilst we attend with Ear , Like thine prick't up devou't ; To taste thy Sugry voice , which here , and there , With wanton Curls , vibrates around the circling Air , Harmonious Hog ! warble some Anthem out ! As sweet as those which quiv'ring Monks in days of Y'ore , With us did roar ; When they alas , That the hard-hearted Abbot such a Coyl should keep , And cheat 'em of their first , their sweetest Sleep ; When they were ferretted up to Midnight Mass : Why should not other Piggs on Organs play , As well as They. 3. Dear Hog ! thou King of Meat ! So near thy Lord Mankind , The nicest Taste can scarce a difference find ! No more may I thy glorious Gammons eat ! No more , Partake of the Free Farmers Christmass store , Black Puddings which with Fat would make your Mouths run o're : If I , tho' I should ne're so long before the Sentence stay , And in my large Ears scale , the thing ne're so discreetly weigh , If I can find a difference in the Notes , Belcht from the applauded Throats Of Rotten Play-house Songsters-All-Divine , If any difference I can find between their Notes , and Thine : A Noise they keep with Tune , and out of Tune , And Round , and Flat , High , Low , and This , and That , That Algebra , or Thou , or I might understand as soon . 4. Like the confounding Lutes innumerable Strings , One of them Sings ; Thy easier Musick 's ten times more divine ; More like the one string'd , deep , Majestick Trump-Marine : Prythee strike up , and cheer this drooping Heart of Mine ! Not the sweet Harp that 's claim'd by Iews , Nor that which to the far more Ancient Welch belongs , ( a ) Nor that which the Wild Irish use , Frighting even their own Wolves with loud Hubbubb●boos . ( b ) Nor Indian Dance , with Indian Songs , Nor yet , ( Which how should I so long forget ? ) The Crown of all the rest , The very Cream o' th' Jest : Amptuous Noble Lyre — the Tongs ; Nor , tho' Poetick Iordan bite his Thumbs , At the bold word , my Lord Mayors Flutes , and Kettle-Drums ; Not all this Instrumental dare , With thy soft , ravishing , vocal Musick ever to compare . NOTES . ( a ) [ Nor that which the Wild Irish use , Frighting even their own Wolves with loud Hubbubbaboos . 'T is the Custom of the Irish , when any thing is stoln , or other sudden accident , presently to set up that note , [ Hubbubbaboo ] the next that hears it does the like , and so Intelligence is conveyed swifter than by any Hue-and-Cry with us . ( b ) — [ Nor Indian Dance , with Indian Songs . ] A Taste of whose Humour , and Harmony has been often enough presented at the Play-house by the Indian Girls . To my Gingerbread Mistress . DEar Miss , not with a Lie to cheat ye , I love you so that I could eat ye . 'T is not that Gold that does adorn Your Bosom like the rising Morn , When dropping dry from watry Bed Sol shakes his Carrot-Loggerhead : 'T is not your Gold I mean to wooe ; Alas , 't is You , and only You. 'T is not that Coronet which does shine With Beams not half so bright as thine , Which scatter Glories that excell The Nose of Zara's Dowzabel . ( a ) 'T is not the Rose of lip-like hiew , Nor Virgin-Plumb's Caelestial blew , Nor all the Nuts that plunder'd be From the sad Squirrel's Granarie ; Nor Pears long cramm'd in faithful store , As yellow as the Golden-Ore ; Nor Crumpling sweet , with Cheeks divine , Yet not so fair , my Dear , as thine ; Nor Custards stuck with Plumbs and Flies , Nor Heart-reviving Pudding-Pyes , Tho' queasie Stomach's them contemn , Bake't on thy n'own dear Granny's Wemm . ( b ) Ah! 't is not , 't is not this , nor all The Goods in Cellar , Pouch or Stall , Which Apple-Woman does provide For such as make her Child their Bride : King Harry Groats with Rust o're-grown , And Edward Shillings more than one ; I 'l say 't , my Love , and say 't again , 'T was none of these that caus'd my pain : 'T was first thy goggling , Egg-like Eyes , Like those in Mahomet's Paradice , ( c ) Which did my Iack-with-a-Lanthorns prove , And mir'd me up to th' Ears in Love. Then all thy Dotes came●powdring in , The Mother's manly Nose and Chin , Thy Nose which ( not thy Faces Friend ) Keeps a poor Lover at Arm 's end ; Thy Chin which with kind Curl doth grace Thy n'own dear Father's Wainscot Face ; A Mouth which should with Mopsa's vye , d Altho' Pamela's self stood by ; Lips which like Paris Casements shew , Still opening with a Guarda vou'z ; e There Caravans of Spices meet , Not Western Civet half so sweet , f Nor mellow Ducks in Claret stew'd , When Atoms were in Altitude . g But not to stay on every Charm , In Iar-like Leg , and May-pole Arm ; Nor how my Conquress did prevail , And wound with every Tooth and Nail : Ah! 't was , as too-too well you know , Your Hand that struck the mortal blow . That Mutton-fist , like Bolt of Thunder , Poor Lover fell'd as flat's a Flounder . Under a Willow I complain , And grunt , and cry , and roar in vain ; And , as mad Lovers use to do , Pick straws , and — what a F — care you ? From side to side I loll about , Idle , ungainly , lazy Lout , That was , e're you I saw , in sooth , ( Altho' I say 't ) a dapper Youth . Here every hour with dreary Frown , I lay my Head on Elbow down : Help , or this Love will quite undo me ! Heark how it runs clean thro' and thro' me ! The sighs which up and downwards go , That I am near the Rattles , show : Think not that I false grief pretend ! Alas , I weep at either end ! My sweet Sweet-heart , how is 't you are So foolish ? sure you be'n't so fair . O be'n't so hard ! what e're you grow , The Baker sure ne'r made you so . My Heart , not only with your stroke , But my few Teeth will all be broke . Melt then to cure my horrid Drowth ; O melt , altho 't is in my Mouth , Which waters at you ; for 't is true , Nothing can quench my thirst but you . Now my cold Fit is more severe , I shall kick up with meer Despair . These nipping Mornings pinch , and you , To me●d the matter , freeze me too . Dear Girl , for once , at my desire , Prethee , from Ice be turn'd to Fire . ( What e're my Readers Judgment be , I 'm sure I here mean honestly , Such a kind , harmless , lambent Flame , As from Ascanius Temples came . ) O warm my Soul , for Cupid's cold-Iron-Dart , And your more frosty frowns have kibe'd my Heart . NOTES . ( a ) [ The Nose of Zara's Dowzabel . ] Vid. — The famous and renowned History of Don Zaradel Fogo ; — the Lady of whose best Affections , ( a piece of purtenance as necessary to a Knight Errant , as Mambrino ' s Helmet , or the Parallel of this Lady [ Dulcinea de'l Foboso ] to Don Quixot ) whose Damsel that had wofully besmitten the gentle Knight , was , after all the Parentheses , Yclept — Dowzabella , — Of whom the Poet thus , " — Whose gallant gray Eyes , like Stars in the Skies , " Denoted , &c. ( b ) [ Bake't on thy n'own dear Granny's Wemm . ] — A Scotch Oven . — A Traveller eating some Cake on the Road in Scotland , complain'd 't was not well bake't : 'T was reply'd , that was impossible ; for 't had been all night baking upon the Hostess's warm Wemm . ( c ) — [ Thy goggling Egg-like Eyes [ Like those in Mahomet's Paradice . ] Among the other pleasures in the Heaven of his own building , Mahomet's Alcoran promises the Mussal-man Bed-fellows with Eyes as big as Eggs ; esteemed as great a piece of beauty , it seems , by the Asiatick's , as great Lips by most of the Africans . ( d ) [ A Mouth which should with Mopsa's vye ] Altho' Pamela's self stood by . ] See the Description of charming Mopsa , in an ingenious drolling Poem at the End of Sir Philip Sidney . ( e ) [ Lips which like Paris-Casements shew , When opening with a Guard● vou'z ! ] Such as walk late at Paris , and when the Windows open with that sound , avoid not in time , will soon , by their bounteous benevolence , smell out the meaning of the Allusion here . ( f ) [ Not Western Civet half so sweet . ] Paracelsus is reported , ( with a great deal of washing you may think ) to have reduced no better nor worse than a Sir — an 't please ye , into an excellent Perfume — Balsamum Apoplecticum , but Assa foetida to 't , — and afterwards christen'd it by the cleanlier name of Zibetum Occidentale . ( g ) [ When Atoms were in Altitude . ] Willis in his Book de Fermentatione , gives that account of Putrefaction of Bodies ; He says , the blood , &c. ferments , and the Particles are highly agitated , — ( and a great deal more , which , if you ha'n't enough for your money , you shall have in the next Edition . ) On the Bear-fac'd Lady . TOo charming Maid , whose Viznomy divine Shoots Darts around like any Porcupine ! a Who give to Cupid's Arrows new supplyes , Heading 'em from your Face , and not your Eyes , Like Cleavland's Lover , Pallizado'd in , b And fenc'd-by the sharp Turn-pikes of your Chin. Happy the Man to whom you must disclose The flaming Beauties of your Rain-bow Nose ! What tho' in vain t' approach your Lips he seek ? He may with leave come near , and kiss your Cheek ; If , as when Turks expect they should be heard At Prayer , you will but turn aside your beard : c All this were true , tho' Art should you disgrace , And shew her own , instead of Nature's Face . But you discreetly choose the Russian way , ● And closely veyl it till the Wedding-day ; Not Stega-like , by too sincere a carriage , e Your Imperfections shew , and mar your Marriage . You are resolv'd that Faith and Stomach too Shall meet in him who must be blest with you ▪ And by so just a Touch-stone mean to prove The Mettal of his Courage and his Love : Nay , Ioan , her self , whom he 'l i' th dar●●● embrace ▪ When the Light comes , may have my Lady's Face ▪ He has his Chance , it may be good enough ▪ For all Love 's but a Game at Blind-mans-buff ▪ He who to meet a Devil does prepare , Like Spencer's Knight , may find an Ange● there . ● Missing a Snake , he may at last prevail To hold a fat , tho' slipry Eel by th' Tail. When Psyche thro' the Air to Cupid rode , She fear'd a Dragon , but she found a God. 〈◊〉 Suppose the worst , a Rival's spight has sed ▪ Here 's Spouse enough , tho' she had ne're a● Hea● A just proportion every where behold , And Gold , the Cream o' th' Jest , remember Gold ; Gold ! Gold ! those subtle Charms must needs prevail ; Gold ! Gold ! enow , had she nor Head , nor Tail. Sure this must even the flintyest Heart subdue ; Those Chains , those Pearls , those Lockets , all for you ! What if no Cubbs bless the ill-natur'd Joys ? Look , she 's already stock'd with yellow Boys ; And she May live like Etheldreda , undefil'd , h While you Lye with her Coin , and get her Bags with Child . NOTES . This Story , and the Lady's Picture — appertaining thereunto , — are notorious enough about London , without Explication of the Subject in general . ( a ) [ Shoots Darts around like any Porcupine . ] She 's pictur'd with a Bear's-head , and consequently , her face all hairy . ( b ) [ Like Cleavland's Lover , Pallizado'd in . ] Alluding to that in Cleavland's Souldier ; " [ O let the Turn-pikes of my Chin " Take thy Half-moon Fortress in . ( c ) [ If , as when Turks expect they should be heard ● At Prayer , you will but turn aside the beard . A late Traveller , and ingenious Observer at Constantinople , in the Relation he gives of their Customs in Devotion , has this among the rest ; That when in the highest fit of Zeal , and Top of their Service , for an Amen , they are to manage their Beards , or else the work is left uncompleat . ( d ) [ But you discreetly choose the Russian way , And closely veil it till the Wedding-day . ] In the Description of Russia , among Struys's Voyages , he describes this for one humour religigiously observed in all their Marriages ; — They never see one another till made fast . ( e ) [ Not Stega-like , &c. This old Lady , in the Play , out of sincerity used to let her Courters see all her Imperfections , — as her No-Teeth , No-Eyes , One-Leg , and so frighted 'em all away . ( f ) [ He who to meet a Devil , &c. Like Spencer's Knight , &c. See Spencer's Fairy Queen ; In one of the first Canto●s — instead of an old-Witch , the Knight found a brisk young Lady . ( g ) When Psyche , &c. She fear'd a Dragon , &c. Psyche was required by the Oracle to be expos'd to a Dragon , as Andromeda to the Whale — When in pops Cupid , like Perseus himself , sets her at liberty , carrys her home , and all that — ( h ) [ She — may live , like Etheldreda , undefil'd , Vid. Fuller ' s Church-History , p. 91. This Etheldreda , would you think it , was marryed to a Prince , and a King , and yet , by her own desire , liv'd still as pure a Virgin as ever — her Mother was when she was born . An Anacreontique on a Pair of BREECHES . GEntly flow , my easie Strain , Smoother than Tempe's Heav'nly Plain , Smoother than e're Anacreon sung , Anacreon sweet with silver Tongue , When he by fair Bathillus lay , a Melting his softer hours away . No rough harsh sounds to gagg the Voice , Nor hoarse Pindaric's grumbling Noise , ●oft as the amorous Turtles call , ●mooth as the whisp'ring Waters fall ; Smooth as thred-bare Breeches be , Soft as the Fustian round my Knee . Where shall I my work begin , And stick the Muse's Needle in ? The Muses , which if Fame says true , Were Sempstresses and Taylors too : Where shall I use my artful Hand ; At the Knee , or at the Band ? Fruitless labour , fruitless pain ! All my skill and time 's in vain : Never will my Trouble end , I eternally must mend ; For one hole starts out two more , Hydra-like , or three , or four ; Patch on patch are new lay'd on , Till th' old , like Iason's Ship , are gone . b Match't full lawfully they 've bin , For sure none were too near a kin . From how many a narrow Hem Has my Botcher cabbag'd them ? Spoils of Nations far and nigh , Meer Babel of good Husbandry ! Not the Iay could Feathers boast From so many a different Coast. But since Friends at last must part , Adieu , adieu , with all my Heart ; I●ll , as Friends to Poets use , Give y' a good Name , and turn you loose ▪ Take your chance , your Fortune try , Pray beg or starve , as well as I ; Trouble me with your Raggs no more , Here 's your Pass , and out of Door . Ever honest , ever true , You 've stuck as fast as Shirt can do ; Which soon , if you no longer stay , Will drop loose , and run away . Long did your lean Pockets stare , Like Camelions , fill●d with Air ; And what ever place were torn , They be sure were ne●r o'reworn . Generous Six-pence born with Pain , Have often made 'em gape in vain ; Now they ' l save that dreadful Charge , They can far cheaper starve at large : Take this Groat , and do not prate ; Take the half of my Estate : Scamper now as well as I , To the barren Indys fly , And see if e're a Slave that 's there , Is Master of a lighter Pair . Never fear where e're you go , You 're sure ne're to fall more low , Till your selves with Earth you trust ; Ashes to Ashes , Dust to Dust. NOTES . ( a ) [ When he by fair Bathillus lay . ] See Mr. Creech ' s admirable Translation of Horace ; Epod. 14. " Thus soft Anacreon for Bathyllus burn'd , " And oft his Love he sadly mourn●d . ( b ) [ Patch on , Patch are still laid on , Till th' old like Iason's Ship are gone . ] The Story of Jason's Ship is almost as muc● worn , as its Subject ; which was so often mended , and vampt up again , till not one plank of the Original-primitive Wood was left ; tho' neither did that suffer so many Transmutations as the ol● Gentlemans Knife that had had five new haf●● and seven new blades . A Tobacco Pipe. IN these raw mornings , when I 'me freezing ripe ▪ What can compare with a Tobacco-pipe ? Prim'd , Cock't , and Toucht 't would bette● heat a man ▪ a Than ten Bath-Faggots , or Scotch-warmin● Pan ▪ Let others vamp their founder'd Strength an● Age ▪ With Porringers of double brew'd Pottage ! And those who thus to charge themselves 〈◊〉 loath ▪ Break-fast upon a Quart of Barley-broath ! Fire-balls of liquid flame ; Death in each drop Let others guzzle at a Brandy-shop ; Till all their moysture , all their Treasure spent , They stand , scorcht Scheletons , their own sad Monument ! Where each of these accustom'd Cordials fails , Let others Bite , and others blow their Nails ! I have an Vniversal Medicine chose , Which warms , at once , my Gutts , and Hands , and Nose . b Which like the noble Coco-Tree , is good For Physick , or for Rayment , or for Food : c All you experimental men of Thought , Who ever Whirligigs to Gresham brought ; Which London with implicit Knowledge sees , d Made up of I's , and O's , and A's , and B's ; Show me one Engine which your Stores enshrine , That shall Pit , Box , and Gallery with mine ? When your rackt Brains to birth some Embryo bring , That 's oft for nothing Good , but mine for every Thing , Ungrateful silly man , who makes divine e Those who at first invented Corn and Wine ! Nay he 's begodded too whose casual Knocks , f On the Anvil , first found out a Tinderbox . Ungrateful Man ! whose memory slips that Name , From whom Tobacco pipes Invention came ! But his more bulky worth 's too big for fame . Whose Trump would crack with that vast work alone , Nor any Pipe can sound his praise besides his own . His Brother - Glyster-pipe , that do's ascend , And almost meet half-way at t' other end ; ( New method for Impaling ! ) ne're could do , That good of one side , which this can of Two : My Ambodexter either way will go , Now Struts above , now humbly creeps below ; Above its Virtues , ne're admitted strife , Below 't is said that once it sav'd a Life . For , when One in that speaking Trumpet spoke , He laugh'd so long till his Imposthume broke : Up to its proper place we 'll now return't , ( But wipe it first , or if you please , let●s burn't ! For the Tooth-ake 't is a specifick aid , g For every Amorous Boy , or Lovesick Maid : An hundred Med'cins us●d and us●d in vain , By each Old Woman taught to ' asswage the pain ; By each Old Woman , who their Vertues try'd , Forty ' year ago , when her third Husband dy'd ; Apply the Pipe ! this Instrument will cure , h The Surgeons Fire , or Pincers scarce so sure , Tho' they the most effectual Method take ; Cut off the Head , I 'll warn't no more 't will Ach , This gently heals , while Chrystal streams distill , As from the Mother-Rock some plenteous Rill , ( Tho not , like that , enough to drive a Mill. Thence Chrstal Streams with gentle murmures flow , i Where little Nimphs may play , for ought we know , Fine Tod-pole Nymphs soon rotten and soon ripe , With tapring Tails like Sire Tobacco-pipe ; k Like those which Virtuoso Glasses spy , A thousand times less than a lusty Lowses eye : Sometimes another way to work 't will go , Up spouts a Deluge from the Abyss below ; This Physick is more safe , ( tho' not so fine , ) Than Bumpers , crown'd too oft with sprightly Wine : A Glass is not a better cure than that , For Care , or Toothach , both of which would kill a Cat ; But if we sad experience credit may , The Pipe 's o' th' Two by far the surer way . No Brawls , no Wounds , nor Bangs , nor Scars appear , With such as will discreetly frollick here : But Wine , confounded Wine one can't miscall , Wine on a Poets word , 's the Deel and all ; 〈◊〉 That Fiend , when conjured up , I tell you true , Even with Tobacco-pipes can murders do . Wine , that mad Bully , for a painted Drabb , With these blunt swords e're now has giv'n a Stabb . When such as use my Pipe but wisely will , Employ its Aid to cure and not to kill ; Not Bezoar stone , nor that miraculous Horn , Which decks the strange Invisible Vnicorn : Can deadly Poysons subtle streams , as well , As my Tobacco-pipe , when charg'd expell . l The long-liv●d Harts medicamental Breath , Gives himself Aid , and the blew Vipe● Death ; So , if this Sov'raign Antidote you try , On Spiders , streight they swell and burst , and Dye ; To what e're luckless Post the Plague advance , m 'T will chase it thence , like Tires of Ordinance : n Tho' all around with bloomy Deaths beset , Here is the never failing Amulet ; Tho' in the Cart with bloated Corps you lay , o Like the blind-Piper , you might rise , and play : Fenc't but with this Tobacco-pipe , — And when long hence you bless the welcome stroke , Then , when the Pipe is out , your Glass is broke ; The Pipe , the immortal pipe if us'd before , To after-Years transmit● your Glory 's o're ; For that can best ( as you may quickly prove Settle the Wit , as Pudding settles Love. ●Twill fix your Iudgment , render grave and sage , And make the Reason overtake the Age : For this his wondring Servants us'd to lay , p Before a Lord full thirty Pipes a Day ; With this was Herebord acquainted ; when He smoakt , and writ , and spit , and smoakt again . Poets the Glass with Fancy do's inspire , The Pipe mounts our Philosopher far higher ; And moulds him Syllogisms , tough , and strong , And polishes his Labours all along . Demosthenes his works o' th' Lamp did smell , His o' th' Tobacco-pipe , and that 's as well ; And least he should be idle forc'd to stand , When for a prop , it askt his Helping hand ; Like such a Scholar , he , with wondrous skill , q Did a fine Hole thro' greasy Beavor drill ; And when the' ●ngenious Mechanism was done , Upon that Rest in 〈◊〉 plants his Gun. Sure when Prometheus climb'd above the Poles , Sliely to learn their art of making Souls ; When of his Fire he fretting Iove did wipe , He stole it thence in a Tobacco-pipe : Which predispos'd to live , as down he ran , By the Souls Plastic power from Clay was turn'd to Man , And what , even now will make it seem more like , r Some sparks remain in 't still , if you ' l but strike : This had , i th' dark the smoaking Drunkard known , That he 'd so much about him of his own ; He never would for the cold Glow-worm grope , s Puffing his Pipe in vain with Fire I hope ! Not only with dull usefulness content , This Engine too is fit for Ornament : When wooing Cockny's Locks will curl no more Than his Good natur'd Fathers horns before ; When Christmass Box with little Wool is big , And Barber will not trust him for a Wig : When all means fail , what think ye in the end , But the Tobacco-pipe must prove his Friend ? On this , till Half-asleep , with pains , and care , Ten-times as long as at his yawning prayer , In dainty Frizz he twists his frighted Hair. Hair , which would make Alecto's Vipers start , With whose sure Ropes he 'l noose his n'own sweet-heart : Whether she rolls to Hampton in a Boat , With gaudy-yellow-Tabby-Petticoat ; Or mounting the Exchange , she bridles in The dainty Dewlaps of her portly Chin ; Still younkers charming , dangling Locks inspire , Like any Squibb , whole streams of amorous fire ; And the warm wamblings of unnam'd Desire . Peaceful Tobacco-pipes none ought to scorn , Which can defend , and not alone adorn ; When unprovok'd 't is true , They 're soft , and tame , And only big with calm , with Lambent Flame : So does the Jolly Cannons cheerly roar , On bright high-days salute the cluster'd Shore ; But in stearn war spews loads of deadly flame , As much a Lyon now , as once a Lamb. So these when with no other weapons sped , Have many serv'd instead of murdring Lead ; 'T will either lead , or drive , and makes with ease , Either a Mould , or Bullet , which you please . When Hercules at old Evanders house , Reform'd from cutting Throats , to keeping Cows ; t Cacus thought it not fair one should have all , And kindly dragg'd some of his Heard to Stall : The Heroe swears to find his Victuals stole ; And tracks at last , the subtle Fox to Hole : u Whose charg'd Tobacco-pipe as soon as come , Smoaks even his Hunter out of house and home ; This was his Sword , and this was his defence , Frighting poor Hang-dog , Club and all from thence : x Heroick pipe ! worthy both Pipes and Tabours ! Thou' rt Cock of Hercules and all his Labours . And now to relish a long Winters Tale , O for a Nut-brown Cup of Christmass Ale ! But all the craft's in getting it ; 't is froze , And drops scarce half so fast as Moyster Nose : The Pipe to Pot was ever kind and true , And that or nothing must the business do ; Heat it Red hot and change it for a Tap , 'T will quickly thro' the Chrystall force a Gap. Now bring the Boles , drink in your own defence ! For now a new born River bubbles thence ; This ever has the safest Course been found , To giv 't a Gl●ster , when the Hogs-heads bound . Let stiff Don-Diego load the lowsie Brush , That hedges in his mouth with snotty Snush : In vain he the far nobler smoaker mocks , And in one Knick-knack wears both Pipe and Box , New fangl●d London thus perhaps may do , And ●●ke old Misses , leave old Friends for new : The West is the Tobacco-pipes chief Throne , He there like Saxon Monarchs reigns alone : Wild-Irish-Brats , as soon as Breath they draw , Are dos'd with a kind Cup of Vsquebagh . Discretion bids us learn where e're we can , Since wiser Brutes have often tutor'd Man ; y Thus Western Children , tho' not quite so ripe , As theirs , are wean'd on a Tobacco-pipe : This does the Sucking Bottles place supply , 'T is Pap-Meat when They 're hungry , drink when dry ; When hot this cools , this warms when They 're a-cold ; z A perfect Kolmacho for Young , and Old ; The Child with ne're a Tooth , and the Old Crone , Whose two black Stumps check such as say she has n●ne : Who , crept thro' fourscore year , with care , and pain , Has made a shift to grow a Child again . The Miner there , with an Implicite Faith , a Credi●ing what his Vpper-neighbour saith ; Who seldom taking pains to Look abroad , Believes a Sun as he believes a God : For the Companion of his Hopes and Fears , Takes a Tobacco-pipe , ●well struck in years ; b O●d as himself , lam'd by som● Hurle●s rage , Short , and 〈◊〉 repid grown with nameless age , Still like some Sea-worn Cliff , it lesser grows , Just matcht at last to his Commodious Nose : With this , nor was sweet Orpheus arm'd a well ' With Harp , with this he si●ks almost to Hell. By some strange chance , from an old plunder'd Vein , c Like Tyrian Pick-axe , brought to Light again : See where 't is fall'n among a Ring of Boys , Who from it blow thin worlds of gaudy Joys . Fine , soon-ripe Bubbles , Alamode , and Gay , Dress't in the Glory 's of the blooming Day : Bright as Court-Madam , tho' they hardly be , Perhaps as tender , or as frail as she ; Created both by Breath , both upwards born , Proud in the Beautys of the Rainbow Morn : And thus , when sailing thro' the heavier Skys , By Breath 't was made and liv'd , by Breath it dyes ; And that same Blast on which it self it rears , Dasnes● the airy Iewell into Tears . A Wondrous turn ! my pipe at last ( You see ! ) Is Pulpit grown , and preaches Vanity ; 'T is sign he 's sick — Rogues at the fatal day , Thus curses use to ' unlearn , and learn to pray : Then from some careless Boys's loose hand he flyes , And tumbles down , and Breaks his Neck , and dyes . NOTES . ( a ) [ Than ten Bath Faggots , or Scotch-warming Pan. ] The Bath Faggots are so notorious for their exceeding Littleness , that two of 'em were carry'd thence in a Gentlemans Portmantean as far as Cornwall for a Rarity , one of which , to this Day ( or very lately ) hangs up there for a Sign . [ Scotch - warming-pan ] is the Hostesses brown Daughter . ( b ) [ Like the Coco-Tree , is good , — For Physick , or for Rayment , or for Food . ] See the Divine Herberts Poem on Providence . [ The Indian Nut alone — Is Meat , Drink , Cordage , Sayling , all in one . ] ( c ) [ All you experimental men of Thought . ] Sowse ! comes the Critick with a Dilemma a top of this poor Verse ; if [ Experimental ] quo ' he ; how [ Men of Thought ] ? Why to give a civil Answer to a civil Question — The Experiments must be thought on , and scolded , and quarrell'd for too , both before and after they are made . ( d ) [ Made up of I's , and O's , and A's , and B's . ] Letters often put for References in Engins , from the Picture to the Explanation , — and here , Mr. Reader , take notice , were I in my Sobers Sences , writing Reasonable prose , I should not be so sawcy to reflect on those great , worthy Persons ; But 't will here I hope be taken only for a little Spice of Furor Poeticus . ( e ) [ Those who at first invented Corn , and Wine . ] Ceres , and Bacchus worship'd in most places of the Pagan World. ( f ) [ Whose casual Knocks , — On the Anvile , first found out a Tinderbox . ] Vulcan , who being the god both of Fire , and all Iron-work , 't is to be suppos'd invented that necessary piece of Houshold-stuff ; at least there 's as good Record for his making this as Aeneas's Armour . ( g ) [ For every Amorous Boy , or Love-sick Maid . ] Among other new Discoveries in Philosophy , this is universally now receiv'd — That Love is the cause of Tooth-ach . ( h ) [ The Surgeons Fire , or Pincers scarce so sure . ] For the Toothach , ( besides the present Remedy sold under the Exchange ) some burn a Vein in the Ear — and if that fails — Out with 't ! ( i ) [ Where little Nymphs may play for ought we know . — ( k ) [ Like those which Vertuoso Glasses spy , A thousands times less than a lusty Lowses eye . ] This is not to be understood , without stepping into the new World of Microscopes : where among the rest , One Mr. ( what 's his hard name ? ) Lewenhoec , a Dutchman , discovered in Rain-water Animalentes consisting of six Globubs , two horns , and a tapering Tayl ; one of 'em , a thousand times less than the eye of a Fat Louse : vid Transactions of Royal Society . — Vol. eleventh , p. 821. ( l ) [ The long-liv'd Hart 's medicamental Breath . ] Natural Historians report of the Hart , that by the force of its Breath , Serpents are ferretted out of their holes , on which it feeds for Physick : vid. Guillems Heraldry . ( m ) [ 'T will chase it thence , like Tires of Ordinance . ] At a certain City , either in Germany , or France ( Tournay or Towres I think 't was ) when the Plague was begun , by the command of the Magistrate all the Guns on the Walls were several times discharg'd together , which purified the Air , and remov'd the Sickness . ( n ) [ Tho' all around with bloomy Deaths beset . ] I have heard of one , in the great Plague at London — 65. That going over a pit where many of the Dead were heap't in , perceiv'd a bloomy smell to arise thence , faint , like that of White Roses — He went home , told the story , made nothing of 't , but in a day or two sicken'd and dy'd of the same disease . ( o ) [ Like the Blind-piper , you might rise and play . ] His story is known to most , sure , that know London : Lying dead drunk he was thrown up in a Cart of the dead , in the Plague-time ; when he woke he fell a playing , just as he was tumbling into Pit-hole , and so scape't . ( p ) [ Before a Lord , full thirty Pipes a day . ] A London Lord , who every Morning made his People fill him thirty Pipes , and lay 'em for service in his Study . ( q ) [ Did a fine Hole thro' greasiy Beaver drill . ] The famous Herebord is reported to be a great Friend to the Tobacco-pipe : but wanting his Hand to turn the Leaves , invented a way to rest his Pipe thro' a Hole in the Brim of his Hat. ( r ) [ Some Sparks remain in 't still , if you but strike . ] A Tobacco-pipe strikes fire on a Cane — But that 's not all — In the Translation of the Academy del Cimento , p. 159. Tobacco-pipes , if broken in the Night emit sparkles like a Flint . ( s ) [ Puffing his Pipe in vain with — Fire I hope . ] A drunken fell●w riding home by night with a Pipe in 's Mouth , at last spyd a Glowworm on the ground , and when his Pipe was out , alights , and holds it to the Glow-worm to light it . [ In dainty Friz he hoists his frighted Hair , ] — Experto crede Roberto ? ( t ) [ Cacus thought it not fair one should have all : ] See Virg. Aeneads . Hercules turn'd Grazier , and fed his Cows near Cacus his Den , who dragg'd some of 'em backwards into his Hole : — Hercules , as an honest man should , very careful of his Cattle , makes a Shift to track him , by the help of the Calves . What do me Cacus but as you ' l find next note . ( u ) [ With charg'd Tobacco-pipe , as soon as come . ] This is the most probable conjecture to be made of Cacus his defence — 't is plain he smoak't Hercules away — 'T is very likely 't was with a pipe of of Tobacco . See Virgil else . Faucibus ingentem fumum mirabile dictu , Evomit , involvitque domum caligine caecâ , Prospectum eripiens oculis . — A very Periphrasis for Tobacco . ( x ) [ — Pipe worthy both Pipes and Tabours . ] Cry ye mercy for the Pun ! but I could'n for my Heart get e're another Ryme . ( y ) [ Thus Western Children , &c. Are Wean'd on a Tobacco-pipe . ] 'T is common in some parts of the West , for Children , no higher than their Lace-peels , to sit Working and Smoaking . ( z ) [ A perfect Kolmacho for Young and Old. ] Kolmacho is an hard word — ( In English ( all heal ) given to a new invented Cordial . ( a ) [ Crediting what his Vpper-Neighbours saith . ] 'T is the Custom among the Spaniards , for their Slaves to continue ever in the Mines . Every body knows not to the contrary of the Cornish Miners — such as do , I 'd entreat 'em to hold their peace and not spoil a fancy . ( b ) [ Lam'd by some Hurlers rage . ] Scarce ever an Hurling but some or more are lamed or kill'd — ( Ware Critick here ! ) ( c ) [ Like Tyrian Pick-axe , brought to Light again . ] Here 's a fair opportunity to show ones Learning , and read half an hour on Barat-anack , and Cassiterides , but I shall only tell such as don 't know 't better than my self , that the Tyrians came hither for Tin , and some of their Brazen Instruments have been found in Old Mines . On a COW's TAIL . THou who didst round Cecropian Pastures rove , Turn'd Bull , an horny and an hairy Iove ! a ( Tho' sure that shape had better serv'd than now , When beauteous Io was transform'd to Cow ) b Who a meer Brute did'st of meer Thunder make , A four-leg'd Lover for Europa's sake ; And when thy purchase was from shore conveigh'd , ( The shining Cargo of a Royal Maid ) Did'st to a Rudder turn thy well-hung Tayl , Whil'st her loose flowing Garments serv'd for Sayl : Pilot my tottering Bark with Aid Divine , Vent'ring thro' Seas far more unknown than thine ! Help me in my Cows Tail , the rest shall be Part of a grateful Hecatomb to Thee . c The Tail full oft above the Head prevails , And Heaven and Earth resound the Praise of Tails . See where in Heaven the Dog 's bright Tall does shine , A Cynosure not half so long as mine : On Earth walk where you will , in every place , One Tayl or other slaps you o're the Face . The Kingly Lyon whirls his Sceptral Train , Roaring at the encountring Gnat in vain ; The Victor Gnat in the next Fight does fail , And drops beneath the Cow's all-conquering Tail ; That Tail which kills whate'r it's force withstand● As sure 's a Club , — in Hercules's hand 's . When the mad Dog-star scatters sultry Bea●● And drives the tossing Herd to shades and Streams ; Armys of Flys , of different Notes and Wings , Goad 'em all ore with their vexatious stings ; Vainly does now the bare-dock't Horse complain , And wish for his dismember'd Tail again ; Who of his Freedom us'd before to boast , Then gain'd , when such a Burden he had lost . ( So the sly Fox , who of his Tail could mak●● Hook , Net and Line , at every Brook and Lake ▪ And when too faint he the hot Hunter flyes● With pissen Tail strike out the Terrior's Eyes 〈◊〉 When not so well he from the Trap had fled , But with his Tail compounded for his Head ; To scape his salt Companions Mockery , He 'd have 'em tail-less all as well as he . ) e But now the Cow with brandish'd Tail falls on , Proclaiming open War with Accaron ; Millions of Insect-Warriors at her fly , Millions of Insect-Warriors murmuring dye . So falls a murdering Chain-shot whizzing round , ( Amazing , like less dreadful Thunder's sound ) When thro' a Troop of Iron Horsemen born , Beneath the Reaper's Hook so drops the Corn. So when the scaly Lord of fruitful Nile , The dreadful Spear-contemning Crocodile , Is by his trembling Enemies beset , Trusting in vain a feeble Dart or Net ; With his Tail 's Whisk he long-long Ranks o'rethrows , f And stalks in Triumph o're his prostrate Foes . The Turks when they 'll their Enemies assail , g For a red Flag hang out an Horse's Tail : Unjustly done , when it must be confess 't From this , the Cow's the far more valiant Beast . But if from cloudy Wars we start away To downy Pleasure's happy Sun-shine day , There the Cow's Tail does other Tails surpass As far as the brisk Horse the lazy Ass. This the sage Priests of mighty Apis knew , What e'r the rude unthinking Vulgar do . Apis is gone ; heark the lamenting Crowd Raving about , bellow his loss aloud : Apis is gone , nor can their Tears prevail ; h Yet they 'd not care , had he but left his Tail. i Priests , Prince and People search the Stalls around , Until the happy , happy Tail is found , Whilst every trembling Son of Nile prepares T' adore the sacred Tail with two white Hairs . k Nor less should th' Indian this blest Relique prize , Without whose kind support he sinks and dies . Where Orellana's Sea-like Waters lave l The steepy Banks with a resounding Wave , Or De-la-plata's headlong Flood-gates roar , m Rolling fresh Oceans down each mouldring Shore ; Where no proud Bridge dares the wild River ride , At a Cow's Tail the Indian stemms the Tide ; n Ferry'd without expence of Coin or Breath , Safe , tho' but a hairs length 'twixt him and Death : Safer than Damocles , when at the Board o A single Hair sustain'd the shining Sword. Ladys by the soft Magic of their Eyes , Like Angels , wafting thro' the scattering Skys , Weak prostrate Mortals dazle and surprize . From Head to Foot , their Charms , their Port and State , A Cow's Tail to the life does imitate . Have you e're seen a Nymph at some bright Hall , In a Triumphant Masquerade or Ball , Move soft and smooth like Gales of Western Wind , Whilst her loose flowing Train sweeps far behind ; Even so , believ 't , the Cow's Tail dangles down , Like supernumerary piece of Gown : The Ancients or Historians Lies have told , p Pure Carrots call'd pure Threds of beaten Gold : Tho' Goats Pulvilio's hardly ranker smell , Nor any wrizzled Succubus of Hell : But all which to our nicer World appear ●or Marks of Beauty , all concenter here ; The Tail 's Complexion is a lovely Fair , Shaded around with charming cole-black hair . Now , Tail right Worshipful ! I 'l lead thee home , As great as conquering Scipio entring Rome ; Thee to a place of rest I 'l calmly bear , Like Turkey Rams in a triumphant Carr. q For such as faults with my Cow's Tail have found , Here 's a fair Rump ; — Genteels ! you 're welcom round ▪ Hur Cow shall now with any Cow compare ; Let any say hur Cow is hurs , that dare . r NOTES . ( a ) [ Turn'd Bull , an horny and an hairy Iove . ] See the Tale of Jupiter ' s transmogrifying his Divinity into a Bull for the love of Europa , 〈◊〉 every Post-dawber's in Town ! — but rarely described in Lucian , in a Dialogue between Notus and Zephyrus . Quaere , in this case , as was said in another of the fighting Bishop : If ● Butcher had here sawcily knock'd down the Bull , what had become of the God-ship ? ( b ) [ When beauteous Io was transform'd to Cow. ] Related in the authentick Chronicle of Ovid● Metamorphosis . — The Chapter and Vers● you may find at your leisure . ( c ) [ Part of a grateful Hecatomb to thee . ] This — Hecatomb is an hard Greek word , usually taken for a Sacrifice of an hundred Oxen. — But tho' mine be a Cow , every body won't see the Bull in the case . ( d ) [ A Cynosure not half so long as mine . ] The Constellation call'd the little Bear , in Greek is Cynosura , which is in plain English , Dogs-Tail . ( e ) [ Proclaiming open War with Accaron . ] The God of Flyes , — The same with Belzebub in sacred , and Muyoides , and Jupiter Apomuyus in Profane Authors . Vid. Cowley ' s Annotations on Plagues of Aegypt , p. 82. " And Accaron , the Aiery Prince , led on their various Host. ( f ) [ With his Tail 's whisk he long-long Ranks o'rethrows , That Creature is reported to have a prodigious force in his Tail , with which he sweeps down whate're comes near . ( g ) [ The Turks , when they ' l their Enemies assail , For a red Flag , hang out an Horse's Tail. ] This is a Custom common with them to the Tartar , and many other of those barbarous Nations . If I misremember not , they deduce this Custom from their great Ottoman , the top of the Oguzian Family . ( h ) [ Apis is gone , nor can their Tears prevail , ] ( i ) [ Yet they 'd not care , had ●e but left his Tail. The Aegyptians worshipping an Oxe , is not orious ; nay , that was one of their Di majorum Gentium ; their Saints and little sucking Gods , were Rats , Birds , Cats ; and Leeks , Onions , ( Welch Deities . ) But the manner of Devoti●on to their Oxe , under the name of Apis , Serapis , Isis , Osiris , — made even that too as extravagant as all the rest . Among other Perquisites necessary for the Election of a new God , which was every year after they had drown'd the old ; one indispensable was , — Two peculiar Hairs , and no more , on the Tail ; — But why no more , nor less , as Dr. Fuller says , the Devil knows . This too explains the Verse following ; ( k ) [ T' adore the sacred Tail with two white Hairs . ] ( l , m ) Ovellana , and Delaplata , Two famous Rivers in the Indys . ( n ) [ At a Cow's Tail the Indian stemms the Tide . ] Thus Peter Martyr in his Decads . — He says , 't is common with the Indians to tye a Stick cross-ways at the Tail of a Cow , and seating themselves thereon , drive her into the water ; who being used to the sport , swins very faithfully with the Cargo behind . — If any doubt of the truth on 't , 't is but stepping over for a day or two to the Indys , and they may be speedily satisfy'd . ( o ) [ Safer than Damocles , when at the Board , A single Hair sustain'd the shining Sword. ] Damocles one of Dyonisius's Flatterers , admiring the Tyrant's felicity , was by his order to taste what 't was , adorn'd with the Royal Robes , and waited on as a Prince ; but for the sharp sawce with his sweet meat , when thus in all his Grandezza , at Table , a naked Sword was hung over his Head , ty'd only by a Hair , which soon spoil'd his sport , and made him glad of liberty again . ( p ) [ Pure Carrots call'd pure Threads of beaten Gold. ] Yellow hair was accounted a great piece of Beauty , not only by the old Romans , and that part of the World ; but here in England too : Among other Receipts for finifying the face , &c. in an old English Book , there 's a way to make the Hair yellow . ( q ) [ Like Turkey Rams in a Triumphant Carr. ] Mr. Sands and others that write of the Eastern Countrys , describe a kind of Sheep there , whose Tails weigh forty-pound a piece , and are alway drawn af●er 'em by a little Cart. ( r ) [ Let any say hur Cow is hurs , that dare . ] Alluding to a Story of a Welch-man who stole a Cow with a cut Tail , and brou●ht it to Market , but artificially sew'd on anther Tail ; — The owner sees it at the Market , lo●ks wistly on 't , and concludes , if it had not a Ta●l too much , he durst swear 't was his own : At this hur Welch Plud draws hur Knife , cuts the Tail off above the place where 't was sow'd on , throws t'other piece into the River , and bids him now own it if he dar'd . The Lyar. FOR Naked Truth let others write , And fairly prove that Black 's not white ; Quarrel and scold , then scratch and bite , Till They 're with Cuffing weary : Give me a Lye , trickt neat and gay , As fine as any Hedge in May ! Most think so too , altho' they 'll say , Perhaps , the clean contrary . The Courtier first is counted rude , If he 's with Lying unendu'd ; Nay , when he 's in his Altitude , He gives it Oaths for Clenching : The brisk and young sowre Truth despise , And kick her back to th' Old and Wise ; Wenching's the Gallant 's Life , a Lye's The very Life of Wenching . Room for the Man of Parchment next , Whose Comments so confound the Text , And Truth 's High-road so much perplext , One scarce can e're get at it ; With his own practice not content , He 'll either quote , or he ' l invent , He 'll find or make a President , And gravely lie by Statute . Next the poor Scholar loaden comes With packs of Sentences and Summs , Scratches his Head , and bites his Thumbs , For Truth is all his vigour ; Like Lynceus self , O who but he a The Essences of things can see ; When he deceives but orderly , And lies in Mood and Figure . Who but the Poet ought t' appear I' th end ? who should bring up the Rear , But he who without Wit or Fear Lays on his Lyes by Clusters ? Never of sneaking Truth afraid , He 'll her with open Arms invade , And dreadful Armies in his Aid Of his own Hero's musters . Well , since on all sides 't is confest , A quiet life must needs be best ; who 'd think it hard to purchase rest By such a small complying ? Let him that will speak Truth for me ! Truth the worst Incivilitie ! I 'd rather in the Fashion be , Since all the World 's for Lying . NOTES . ( a ) [ Like Lynceus self , &c. This Mr. Lynceus was , you must know , a mighty quick-sighted fellow ; — He could see thro' Walls , Houses , — and Ships at Sea , at the greatest distance , and — But that 's enough already to believe at once . On a Hat broke at Cudgels ; " And then like greasie Coraubeck , " Pinn'd up behind — no scabby Neck To shew Sr. — ( The Ramble . ) NO silly Frog , nor Mouse , no Snake nor Gnat , Hag-rides my Muse , 't is an unlucky Hat , Whose sudden Rise , and Fall I mean to tell : O for a Dose of the Castalian Well , a The Tunbridge of Olympus ! well may I My whistle wet , for sure the Subject's dry . At School of Hat I 've made a Pitcher trim , And suck't sweet Water from its greasie brim ; But tho' it ●ent ●o th' Well so oft before , At last 't is crac●'t , alas ! and holds no more . Of all the Coverings which have e're been found , Or black , or blew , or green , or square , or round , Crowns lin'd with Thorns , ( with Reverence be it sed , ) Beavers with Wigg , a Felt with Logger-head ; High Cap of Maintenance , low Cap of Fool , High Cardinals Cap , low Cover of Close-stool ; Little or great , broad , narrow , course or fine , Ne're was such an unlucky Hat as mine . When Mr. Haberdasher was content For many a supple Cringe and Complement , To trust me for 't at Interest twelve per Cent. From some good-natur'd Friend , I know not who , I made a shift to wring an Hat-band too . Now all that see me wondring round me stand , Like Nunckle quite disguiz'd in a clean Band. As if to N. or M. I backwards came , They on me stare , and ask me what 's my name ? They dream I 'm grown pileo don●tus , free b From rusty Chains of lowsie Poetry : But all their kind surmizes were in vain ; Nature held fast , I soon grew Cat again . ● A Cudgel splits the Brim , new Lights surprize The sudden Breach , and blind my dazzled Eyes ; Then lest the Fissure should a mark be sed Of Satan's cloven Foot upon a Poet's Head ; Some gentle Lad an 't please ye ! overkind , Like Bully - Hec's , buttons it up behind . Well , he deserv'd each angry Muses Curse , For this but made the better side the worse . 'T was tuckt so close , My Honour seem'd to be One of Quevedo's Knights of th' Industrie . d Thus had you seen 't , you might be bold to swear , Armies of hungry Rats had feasted there . Since Charity saves him from just Vengeance , all My teen on the unlucky Hat must fall , Whose Traytorous Ancestors by Kings command , Were with the Cardinals exil'd the Land. e Those golden days , those happy dayes of Yore , When honest Caps the brightest Courtier wore , May they come in agen , and quite displace , With luckier Omens , all thy luckless race . May'st thou , if that be possible , sink down Below the Scandal of a Poet's Crown , In Healths toss't up , pawn'd e're the Reckning's pay'd ▪ Then in the Kennel by thy Master lay'd : Then cry'd about with an old Coat or Shoe , Be ever travelling , like the wandring Iew ! f Nor will I ever call thee back agen , Till Poets are made Lords , or Aldermen . NOTES . ( a ) [ O for a Dose of the Castalian Well! ] In Poetical Jargon this is only a Variation of Helicon ; but the downright meaning is , — a Glass of good Canary . ( b ) [ They dream I 'm grown pileo donatus . ] To give the Slave liberty of wearing a Hat , was either a Token or Formality of his Freedom . ( c ) [ Nature held fast , I soon grew Cat again . ] Alluding to the Fable of the Cat turn'd into a Woman , who running even then after Mice , was again returned to the place from whence she came . ( d ) [ One of Quevedo's Knights of th' Industrie . ] In Quevedo's [ Buscon , ] or a kind of a Spanish Rogue , he has a pleasant description of a Fraternity who honour'd another with the most Noble order of Knights of the Industrie . Among other fancies this was one ; — They button'd their Hats of one side , only because the Rats had eat away all that Brim . ( e ) [ Werewith the Cardinals exil'd the Land. ] In King Henry eighth's time , either an Order , or an Act was made , that none should presume , what ever figure he bare , to wear any Hat , but only woollen Caps then all in use . ( f ) [ Be ever Travelling like the Wandring Iew. ] This wandring Jew , ( if there be any Truth in Ballads , as I hope none that reads this questistion ) ever since the Death of Christ has been trotting round the World : For fuller satisfaction consult the Penny Chronicle of his Life . A Covetous old Fellow having taken occasion to hang himself a little ; another comes in , in the nick , and cuts him down ; but instead of Thanking him for his Life , he accuses him for spoyling the Rope . YOu Dog ! y' ha' spoyl'd my Rope ! 't was strong , and tight , And cost I 'me sure a Groat but to'ther Night ; A good substantial Rope to give its Due , 'T would hold an hundred heavier Rogues than You. I 'll swear the Peace ! I stood in fear o' my Life ; He vi & armis came ; he brought a Knife ; With which , tho' I for certain cannot know 't , I doubt the Villain meant to cut my Throat . How e're he spoil'd my Goods , the best I had , He cut my Rope I' me sure , and that 's as bad ; I 'll trounce the Rogue ; I 'll try from Court to Court , If there be any Law in England for 't : Must such an Arbitrary Cur as he , Divest one of ones Right , and Property ? No — if the Iudge such tricks as these allows , A Man shan't hang himself in his own House : And who dreads not such presidents as that ? Nay , 't is in vain ! I 'll ne're referr't , That 's flat . When sweetly dangling 'twixt the Earth and Sky , I was rappt up in Hempen-Extasie ; ( Which all who view'd my lovely Snowt might know , ) When all my dreggs of Man were dropt below : The envious wretch dragg'd back my Stareing Soul , Just clambring up against the steepy Pole , And when with Liberty grown free and Wild , Chain'd it to a Corps , ( an 't please ye ! ) all defil'd , What Soul alive for both the Indys riches , Would e're descend to such a pair of Breeches ? Le ts hang him up for saving me , and then If e're I cut him down , e'ne hang me up agen ! ( a ) On a Supper of a Stinking Ducks . COme all you brisk Lads that have ever been seen , At the place that you wot of hight ▪ — Clerken-well-Green ! b First of all Merry Mac come and taste our good cheer , For our Hearts will all vibrate thy Lyricks to hear . One and all run and Saddle your Cane , or your Beast , And hasten full speed to the bountiful Feast ! In pow'rful Gambado's , or finical Boot ; In a thrid-bare old Cloak , or a new Sur le tout ! Or flaming with Fringe , or meek Kid on your Hand , With blustering Cravat , or reverent Band ! Both peaceable Hazle , and Kill-devil Steel , Both Tory-Bamboo , and Fanatick-Brazeel ! c Remember Batts Axiom , your Curtlass prepare ! Whet Stomachs , and Knives ! Here 's a Bill of the Fare ; Here 's Duck upon Duck , for no more you must look ; If you 'll have any more you must go to the Cook. I tell you the Truth , and I tell you no lye ! They shine and 't were Butter , or Stars in the Sky : Zich glorry-vatt Ducks but zildom are zean , d Whore shou'd they be bore but about Taunton-Dean . If they stink Mrs. Muse your nice Nose you may hold ! Disparage 'em not for They 're bought , and They 're sold ; e Consider as cheap of the Poulter they had 'em , As e're of the Higler — ( the Servant ! ) &c. Here Dick , Black — Bess for thy absence should frown , f Look over thy Shoulder , and ' tweak off their Down : But prythee deal gently , for 't would be no Wonder , They 're so soft , and so young , if they fall all-asunder . 'T is true I confess , if my Nostrils can tell , They send out a kind of a Civity smell : Yet more then a Bustard the Poulter might prize one Like them , for their flavour like pasty Venizon ▪ Some will say they 've a whiff like a Worm-eaten Bitch , g Or a Tartar R●goo , ready dresst in a Ditch : h Or a cleanly blue-Pig — but ne're keck honest fellow ! For They 're wholesome enow , tho' a little too mellow . i They 're black , but where Indians do paint the De'el White , That colour be sure 's most heavenly sight : k They dropt from the Moon out of Breath , and the Thumps Which they took on the Ground have discolour'd their Rumps . l Cozen Iohn ! 't had been better if y' had not been so fickle , But in our Garden-Cellar had laid 'em in pickle ▪ Tho' the Cook says They 're sweet , I 'll venture engage her , That the Ducks should ha' stunk with the T — 's for a Wager . Pothecary's Bills have full often half broke us , m With chargeable Vomits of Cardu●s and Crocus : When these Ducks from the Bum-gut to Keckhorn would draw , And like a Turn'd — Pudding-bag empty the Maw ; O Spirits of Arm-pits , and Essence of Toes ! O Hogo of Vlcers , and Hospital Nose ! O Devils Dung fragant , and tarrifi'd feather , With Snuff , and with Carrion , Ana , jumbled together ! n O Jelly of Toads ! India's hasty-Pudding ! O Playsters of Issues champt down o' the sudden ! With fat blubby Pease , that are grimy all o're , Thick butter'd with delicate matter and Gore ! Well! If these you survive , I 'll believe 't is no Fable , o That Indians gut Adders , and bring 'em to Table : But after , if your Pest ' lent●Breath sally on us , Wee 'll get to the Windward , or Mercy upon us ! p Hoyst 'em up with a Rope at the Fire ! 't is no matter , Tho' they drop in the dripping , and crawl in the Platter ; So do's the sweet Phaenix on Frankincense-Faggot , q Sit roasting her self till she turn to a Maggot . NOTES . ( a ) [ On a Supper of a Stinking Ducks . ] The story thus — At a Clubb of Younkers , after a Frost a couple of Wild-Ducks were bought . A thaw coming the day after , these having before been frozen hard , fell in , appear'd all black , and stunk most harmoniously — yet , that nothing good might be wasted , the Purchasers dress't 'em , and eat the first pretty nimbly , not staying to tast it ; but by that time , C●lon being a little pacifi'd , advancing to the second , it drove 'em all off , and was given a decent burial at last in the Boghouse . ( b ) [ First of all Merry Mac come and taste our good cheer ! ] The name of one Gentleman belonging to the Club , old excellent at Lyric verse , which you may learn from the next line . ( c ) [ Remember Bats Axiom , &c. In the ingenious Dr. Bat upon Bat — 't is thus — " It is a Law that holds with Saint , and Sinner , " That he that has no Knife should have no Dinner . ( d ) [ Whore shou'd they be bore but about Taunton-Dean . ] The Ducks were caught in a decoy-pond in Sommerset-shire , and that Country having , 't is probable their Bellys , or Noses full of 'em , were transported to London for Sale. ( e ) [ Consider as cheap of the Poulter they had 'em , As e're of the Higler — ( the Servant , ) &c. ] Here is certainly some mistake in the Copy , and something or other is wanting to Rhyme to [ Had 'em ] which the Reader is desired , ( if he can ) to correct with his Pen. ( f ) [ Look over thy Shoulder , and ●tweak off their Down . ] For had he lookt foreright his Nose had been so egregiously affronted there could be no enduring it . ( g ) A Tartar Ragoo , ready dress't in a Ditch . ] A Dead Horse , on which , after 't has been airing in a Ditch for a Fortnight , or a Month , the Tartars will revel , as if 't were the fattest old Barren Doe in Christendom . ( h ) [ Or a cleanly Blew-Pig . ] For satisfaction in that Story consult the Poem concerning it ! ( i ) [ They 're black , but where Negro's do paint the De'el White . ] A humour of theirs notorious , of whom the Poet — " Who , in contempt , will paint the Devil White : Tho' by his leave and mine too , whatever they think of White Devils , or White Men , 't is certain they are old Dogs at White-Women , who , for some certain Reasons , ( such as made Apuleius gracious ) best known to themselves , are not behind hand in Loving them , perhaps because their Complexions differ . ( k ) [ They dropt from the Moon out of Breath . ] 'T is the opinion of some Learned men , ( too great and grave to be affronted with seeing their Names here ) That Wild-fowl , Storks , Woodcocks , &c. fly away at the Winters end to the Moon , or some Islands in the Air near it ; and thence at Winter return again . Who knows what may be ? ( l ) [ Cozen Iohn , 't had been better , &c. — Garden-Cellar had laid 'em in pickle . ] One of the Company , sometimes known by that Name , was at first for giving 'em their Nunc dimittis into Boghouse . ( m ) [ With chargeable Vomits of Carduus , and Crocus . ] I thought I should catch you napping , cryes Mr. Critick , ( or he may if he will ) how long has Carduus-posset been so wonderful chargable ? Ans. 1. If not chargeable Simpliciter , 't is Secundum quid — There 's a Pothecary's large bill , and Paracelsian Conscience in the Case . Is that Insufficient — why have at another of 'em — 'T is true in sensu composito , tho' not diviso , as the learned have it — thus tho' one alone be n't dear , both together may . If neither of all this pother will satisfie , why I can easily stop your Mouth with Bays's answer , which if thought on sooner might have saved all this . Why 't is Sir — because Sir — why what 's that to you Sir ? Rehearsal . ( n ) [ O Jelly of Toads ! India's hasty-Pudding . ] 'T is their custom to get a great Iar , and among other Ingredients , as Wine , Chamber-pots , Tobacco , Spittle , they clap in three or four good sizeable Toads — this stopt up till all is dissolv'd , is their very Nectar , with which they ' l be as drunk as a Prince — a Beggar — a Tinker — a Wheel-barrow , or Davids Sow . — 'T is no Fable , but credibly related by most that write of 'em — as Baratti's Travels , Gages Travels , &c. ( o ) [ That Indians gut Adders , and bring 'em to Table . ] Snakes are a Princely Dish in those Countreys . ( p ) [ Hoist 'em up with a Rope at the Fire ! ] They were roasted in a String . ( q ) [ Sit Roasting her self till she turn to a Maggot . ] In the Fable of the Phaenix , 't is reported , that after the old one is burnt , a Worm first comes out of its Ashes , and so — and so — and so . To the Laud and Praise of a Shock Bitch . a LEt lofty Greek and Latin go , And Priscian crackt from top to Toe , Since he at School full often so Misus'd us ; From High and mighty Lines I fall , At powerful Shock's imperious Call , And now in downright Doggrel crawl My Muse does . Tho' my froze Hogs-head e'ne is burst , b I 'le do what none before e're durst , And on her Praises make the first Adventure ; O for some Album-Graecum now ! 'T would clear my musty pipes I trow ; Then would I yelp as loud as thou , c Old Stentor ! Come hither Shock ; I 'll ne'r complain , Nor kick thee from my Lap again , Tho' other Lips thy Mouth so dainty touches ; Give me one Buss , I 'le prize thee more Than tinsil'd Lord does brazen Whore ; Or then — or then — or then — or then● No-body . Let lowsie Poets sit and chat Of Money , and they know not what ! Of Love , and Honour , and all that So silly ! Let Play-house-Hero's live or dy , Or spew , or stink , or swear , or lye , To court the Glance of one bright Eye From Philly ! Let the entranced loving Ass A Picture wooe , and buss the Glass , Covering his Mistresses surpassing Beauty ! Then steal from Cowley , or from Don , ( Since none will miss 'em when They 're gon ) Two hundred thousand Stanza's on d Her Shoo-ty ! All other Fairs avaunt , avaunt , For Shock's sweet praise my Muse must chaunt , And sweat , ( ah , wou'd she wou'd ! ) in Rant e Extatic . 'T is Shock alone is my desire , She does my addled pate inspire , As much as any Muse , with Fire Poetic . View every Limb in every part , From Head to Tail , from Rump to Heart , You 'll find she not one Pin from Art Has gotten ; When Courtly Dames so gawdy , tho' They dress their mouths in pimlico , A Dog won't touch 'em , they are so Ripe-rotten . Muse , what d' ye mean ? what Flesh can stay , And dive in Helicon to day , Or swim in any Streams but Aqua-vitae ? Put up your Pipes , to dinner go , Whilest I dismiss the Guests below : You 're welcome Gentlemen ! and so , Good-buy-t'y'e ! NOTES . ( a ) [ Let lofty Greek and Latine go . ] And here let me tell ye , is a fair occasion to give you to understand the Author has a smatch of Latin Verses too — for some were made before these English on the same Subject : But for fear of clapping in a false Concord or Position , or so , ( the very thoughts whereof will be dreadful , as long as I can unbutton my Breeches ) I think e'ne best as ' t is . ( b ) [ Tho' my froze Hogs-head en'e is burst ] See the Academy de'l Cimento , and others , about the Nature of freezing , which rarifies and dilates , not condenses or lessens the Water . Thus a Vessel stopt close , with no vent , when frozen , if precisely full , will bu●st out the Hoops for Enlargement . — 'T was in the middle of the great frost these were wrote . ( c ) [ Then would I yelp as loud as thou , Old Stentor ! ] Stentor was a kind of a City Cryer in Homer , — A speaking Trumpet was but a Bagpip● to him , ( for all by their Names they should be Cousins ) he would lift up his voice just a● loud as fifty men , not one more , nor one less . ( d ) [ Two hundred thousand Stanza's on Her Shoe-ty . ] Iust so many in Quevedo's Buscon , the Poet makes on a Pin dropt from his Mistress's Sleeve — I think sincerely a greater Maggot than all nine put together . ( e ) [ And sweat , ( ah wou'd she wou'd ) in rant Extatic . ] Once more , lest you should forget it , 't was very cold weather when this was on the Anvile . An ELEGY On the untimely and much lamented Death of Poor Spot , as loving a Bitch as ever went upon two Legs , who departed this Life , An. 1684. O Spot ! how dull a Dog am I , That cannot for thy Murder cry , Nor whimper ? Tho' thou full oft on thankless me , Now from the ground , now from my knee Didst simper . How e're , accept this grateful Verse , To pin on thy untimely Herse Provided . Even so Renowned Bat of old , a A poor good-natur'd Hound condol'd , b As I did . Tell me , O tell me , you that know , How Spot the higher Powers so Offended ? What was the pretty Traytor 's Crime , That her fair Dayes in Beauty's prime Were ended ? She , ever vigilant and brisk , Her nimble Tail around would whisk , Like Fan. S r. With Vmph she never went away , But , by her mumping mean'd to say Anan S r. She was not ugly , rank , nor old ; Tho' she ne'r sung , she was no Scold Uncivil : Sweet-Hearts she had , Him , Him , and Him , O Envy ! Envy ! O thou Limb O th' Devil ! With Mouth and Tayl , come when you will , She smil'd , and would endeavour still To please ye ; Altho' 't is true , she was not Fair , Her Cheeks ne'r shin'd , her Muzzle ne're Was greasie . One fault alone in her we find ; Were she not pleas'd , she must be kind To Neighbours ; Which brought poor Tray to a sad pass , c When he , to please the Love-sick Lass ▪ O're-labours . Well , gone she is , and who can help 't ? Ah! gone she is before she whelpt ; Ah cruel ! Let none at too just Sorrows scoff , Now cross-grain'd Fate has robb'd us of Our Iewel ! But since poor Spot must go and buss For our brisk Lord , old Cerberus d So musty ; Come Lads , let 's bid her all adieu , And own ne're dy'd a Bitch more true , And trusty ! Go Spot , to the Elysian Plain , Go Spot , and meet thy Tray again Far kinder ! What tho' Erynnis on thee scowl , And make her Snakes about thee howl ? Ne're mind her . There Spot , be ever brisk and gay ; There thou , without the Bans forbid , thy Tray May'st marry ; In Fields gilt o're with many a Flower , In Walks as fine as those of our King Harry . NOTES . ( a ) ( Even so renowned Bat of old , ) Bat Kempster of eternal memory , — who has in like manner — ( as Sternhold says ) immortaliz'd the memory of Captain Narbourn's Dog , which now must live as long as Bat in spight of Envy . ( b ) ( A poor good-natur'd Hound condol'd . ) Good-natur'd , because , — because , — 'T is but looking in the Book , and you 'll know all better than I can tell you . ( c ) ( Which brought poor Tray to a sad pass , When he to please the Love-sick Lass , O'relabours . ) Tray was one of Madam Spot's most obsequious and most humble Servants , but by being too complaisant and obliging , had almost kill'd himself . This is no Tale , but a sad Truth , — Ask all the Neighbours else . ( d ) ( For our brisk Lord , old Cerberus . ) My Lord was Tray's Successor : of him see more , and Spot too , in the ( Carmen Cynegeticon . ) A Box made like an Egg , was between Iest and Earnest , between Stoln and Borrow'd ; but at last , ( see the Honesty ! ) after a Year's Possession , restor'd with this in the Belly on 't . AS an Egg is Full of Meat , So , in sooth , am I of Sorrow , That your Box so fine , so neat , I without your leave should borrow . Now I sigh , and now I groan , O're and o're the Crime repented ; Moan and sob , and sob and Moan , To my very Gu●s tormented . How did I in Doggrel Rhymes , Mind my fault , and wail and grieve it ? Should I tell you twenty times , Ne're the sooner you 'd believe it . But since your Box has , fie upon 't ! Brought me to so much Confusion ; To the lawful Owner on 't Thus I make a Restitution . Down to Dinner now they call , Gizzard now begins to grumble ; Pray my Service unto all , So I rest , Your Servant Humble , &c. The Beggar and Poet. HAppy the Man who free from Care and Strife , ● With Dog and Bell gropes thro' the Road of Life ! Beggar at large , without o● Fear , or Shame , He 'll all the World his Benefactors name . He , like the famous ancient Scythian Race , b Shifts not himself as often as his place . Tir'd with the pillage of one fruitful Plain , He and his Cattle soon decamp again : He with a proud Repulse when warmly vext , Throws you a hearty Curse , and tries the next . No long Harangues to squeeze the stubborn Pence , No Oratorical Impertinence , Nor grateful murd'ring both of Truth and Sense . He 'll in two Lines compendiously impart The System of his truly Liberal Art ; Pray Sir , the Gift : And when the Farthings stir , I hope you 'll never live to want it Sir ! When Beadle Death does him at last attend , Let him go where he will , in this he 's sure to mend : Death kindly Land and House provides him , more Besides the Cage , than e're he had before . Thrice miserable they whom want and Fate Eternal Mumpers made at Learning's Gate : Their Souls indeed they cram with notions high , But let poor Colon live by Sympathy : To Honourable Beggars they give place , Lean younger Brothers of the lowsie Race . NOTES . ( a ) ( The Beggar , and Poet. ) I confess I can't very well get clear of a Tautology in this place : But for the defence of my Title ; tho' many will tell me 't is some kin to Idem per Idem , and that Beggar and Poet are the stark-self-same-specifical-numerical thing : Yet let 'em consider 'em as I do , ( sub diversos formales conceptus ) as the Learned have it ; and then all 's well agen . ( b ) ( He , like the famous ancient Scythian race , Shifts not himself as often as his Place . The manner of living practised by the old Nomades , and the Tartars , their now Successors , is much alike , if not the same : In olden times they used to remove Bag and Baggage from Post to Pillar , as often as the Pasture was eaten by their Retinue . Some of the Fathers that have travelled into Tartary of late Years to make one Pro●elite , give just the same description of their Manners . — See Hackluit's Voyages . Plures aluit Aristoteles quam Alexander . a THe Great Grecian Robber of his Household was careless , Compar'd to his bountiful Tutor old Arles , Whose Barns , 't is no wonder , grow fatter and faster Than his , since their Diet was Meat for his Master . b An hungry starv'd Army o're Desarts and Stones , This lead till he fought 'em to nothing but Bones . But far more are the Slaves whom his Tutor does fetter ; And you 'll see by and by how he feeds 'em far better . Like Tantalus , One his poor Souldiers did mock , And fed 'em with nothing but a Bit and a Knock : Sure they leapt at a Crust , since to frighten poor Strangers , c He built up their Cupboards as high as their Mangers . Thô 't is true , they as well as their Captain did fare ; He forsooth was a God , and could live upon Air ! When his Army 's all mortal , and poor hungry Sinners , Must eat up their Foes if they 'll get any Dinners . A hunting lean Glory thro' the World he does roam , While the subtle Phylosopher batters at home ; d Nor had all his Souldiers , tho' they scap'd from the Faggot , One Mouthful of Flesh to oblige a poor Maggot . But Learning , tho' Envy unjustly does charge her , Crams all her coop● Houshold , tho' a thousand times larger : He could not afford all his Army one Suttler , She makes the fat Stagyrite both her Cook , and her Butler . See what a large Drove , which his Power confesses , Humbly ga●e at his Hatch for Commons and Messes ! He kindly provides gaudy-dayes all the year , And this is a Bill of their prodigal Chear . e A Scholar's light Egg pickt as clean as a bone , f Or a worse than a Scholar's , a Logical one : Chymerical Pullets , digested too soon , g Dress'd at his own●Fire by the Man in the Moon . Such Dishes as these , 't is confess'd , are design'd For Stomachs abstracted , and Palates refin'd . For your poor duller Mortal other Provenders found , And Coquu● , if he 's able , will please 'em all round . Broath which for meer Element one may mistake , 'T is smaller than Tiff , and as lean as a Rake ; So pure , and so clear , that 't would Christal disgrace , If you heave't to your Nose , you may see all your Face . When at last the whole Hogs-head of Porridge is o're , And Colon still swears and grumbles for more , Sometimes you 've a Commons , and sometimes you 've none , The fat greafie Flap , o● the Prentice's bone . When they 've serv'd out their time , and at last are got free , Their Table advances , as does their Degree : There 's Pudding , and Pudding , and Pudding , and then h Like Aesop's Tongues , Pudding , and Pudding agen . Let no man then envy the Schollar's renown , Since ●ewer are fed by the Sword , than the Gown ; Since the more They 're the merrier , as ever they were , ( Tho' the less there be of 'em , the better ( they fare . NOTES . Plures aluit Aristoteles quam Alexander . In plain , sober , earnest English , [ Aristotle feeds more than Alexander . ] Which is to be prov'd . ( a ) ( The Great Grecian Robber , &c. ) So call'd from the Story of the Pyrate , who being taken by Alexander's Captains , and brought and accused before him , answered , undauntedly , that Alexander was the greater Thief of the two , who robb'd with whole Armies , when he himself only with two little Ships . ( b ) ( An hunger-starv'd Army o're Desarts and Stones , This lead , &c. ) See Quintus Curtius's History . He lead 'em over vast Desarts to the Conquest of the Indys . ( c ) [ He built up their Cupboards as high as their Mangers . ] When Alexander had conquer'd the Indys , at his departure he built Mangers for his Horses as high as a man could reach , and other things proportionable , to amuse posterity , and make 'em conceive a nobler Image of him and his Army : tho' , as one says wittily , if his horses had eat no Oates ▪ but out of those Mangers , they would not have been very fit for Service ; for such feeding would soon have starv'd even Bucephalus himself . ( d ) [ Nor had all his Souldiers , tho' they scap'd from the Faggot , ] The Funeral-pile ; it being the Custom of the Ancients to burn , not bury their Dead . ( e ) [ A Schollar's light Egg pickt as clean as a bone , ( f ) Or a worse than a Schollar's , a Logical one . ] Either the Egg made with the Scrapings of the Egg-shell , Bread and Butter , &c. or that appointed to the Schollar , who proving two Eggs were three ; — One and one's two , and one and two's three , — had only the third allotted him for his share . ( g ) [ Drest at his own Fire by the Man in the Moon . ] Aristotle's own Fire , ( which since he found , he is like to keep ) dreamt of in Concavo Lunae . ( h ) [ Like Aesop's Tongues , Pudding , and Pudding again . ] Aesop feasted his Master with nothing but Tongues , when order'd to buy the best and the worst of Meats . ( a ) A King turn'd Thresher . FArewell ye gay Bubbles , Fame , Glory , Renown ! Farewell you bright Thorns that are pinn'd to a Crown , Your little Enchantments no more shall prevail ; Look , look where my Sceptre is turn'd to a Flail ! O who can the Bliss of a Monarch discern , Whose Subjects are Mice , and whose Palace ( a Barn ? In spight of curs'd Fortune he Kings it below , While he looks all around him , and sees not a Foe . The groans of the murder'd in Death and Despair , Ne'r reach his calm Kingdom , but dye in the Air : Fierce Battles roar on ; but too weak is the voice , For he threshes and threshes , and drowns all the Noise . b The Soul of Domitian sunk into a Clod , c Dyonisius his Scepter was as light as his Rod ; d And the Little-Great-Charles with his Shovel and Spade , Dug a hole , and lay down in the Grave he had made . But a thousand times brighter my Stars do appear , And I ne'r was a Monarch in earnest till here : On a heap of fresh Straw I can laugh and lye down , And pity the man that 's condemn'd to a Crown . No Armyes of Frogs here croak by my Throne , I can rise , I can walk , I can eat all alone : Reliev'd from the Siege of importunate men , I enjoy my Original Freedom agen . Scarce peeps out the Sun with a blushing young Ray , e E're my brisk feather'd Bell-man will tell me 't is day ; Proud with his Serallio behind and before , He cheerly triumphing , struts along by the Door . Here 's an honest brown George which my Scrip does adorn , Here 's a true Houshold Loaf of the hiew o' my Corn ; Here 's a good Rammel-Cheese , but a little decay'd , As fat as the Cream out of which it was made . f When Death shall cross Proverbs , and strike at my Heart , When the best of my Flails is no fence for his Dart ; I 'le open my Arms , not a Groan , not a Sigh , Drop't soft on the Straw , with a smile I will dye . NOTES . ( a ) A King turning Thresher . I think I may venture to pronounce this purely , a Maggot , and so others that know no better may be apt to think too ; but I can assure 'em the Foundation of the Story is as infallibly true , as any in — Lucian's true History . ( b ) [ The Soul of Domitian sunk into a Clod. ] When his Envy could not be sated on the Christians , he left the Empire in Discontent , and retir'd to the Salonian Gardens , — as Cowley● ( c ) [ Dyonisius his Scepter was as light as his Rod. ] That Tyrant driven from his Kingdom , travelled into Greece , and set up School-Master ; where his Cares are here affirm'd as heavy as when a King. ( d ) [ And the Little-Great-Charles with his Shovel and Spade , Dug a hole , and lay down in the Grave he had made . ] Charles the fifth Emperour of Germany , who after as great a Rufflle in the World as has been made this several Centuries ; after War , not only against most of Europe , but Argi●rs , in Africa too ; at last on some discon●ent , or the unpleasing face of his business , resigned the Empire , and retired to a little House and Gard●n , which he cultivated with his own hand , and there liv'd and dy'd . ( e ) [ E're my brisk feather'd Bell-man will tell me 't is day . ] Meaning Chaunticleer , — as Gransire Chaucer has it ; or in new English , no better nor worse than a Cock , — that Baron Tell-Clock of the Night , — as Cleveland christens him . ( f ) [ When Death shall cross Proverbs , and strike at my Heart , When the best of my Flails is no fence for his Dart. ] The common old Proverb here mean● , is , that — There 's no Fence against a Flail . On a Discourteous Damsel that call'd the Right Worshipful Author — ( an 't please ye ! ) Sawcy Puppy . A PANEGYRIC . UGly ! ill-natur'd ! impudent , and proud ! Sluttish ! nonsensical ! and idly loud ! Thy Name 's a ranker Scandal to my Pen , Than all thy words could be spew'd up agen . Yet will I do thy Vgliness the grace , To touch thee , tho' I 'm forc'd to turn my face ; Touch thee as Surgeon touches rotten sores , Touch thee as Nur●es T — , or Beadles Whores . Belch of a Toad whom Hell to Mortals sends , a Vampt up from Bottle-Ale and Candles-ends . Hadst thou no Dick with whom thou mightst be free , Thus to let fly thy Whetstone-jeers on me ? What Skip-kennel without his eyes offence , Taught thee all this Dog-and-bitch Eloquence ? b Thou for Doll-Troop , hadst ended Ragoo's strife , He 'd hvng'd , and never ventur'd such a Wife . That thick deformity which daubs thy Snowt Would make a Hell-soul'd Ravisher devout . An Incubus from such a Face would flee ; 'T would baulk a Satyr more deform'd than thee . E'ne get a Mask , or with thy Visage daunted , The Londoners will swear their Streets are haunted : Below the Plague , below the Pox and Itch , Take your own Farewell , You 're a sawcy Bitch . NOTES . ( a ) [ Vampt up from Bottle-Ale and Candles Ends. ] Not much more honourable than the Rehearsal's Parthenope . — — Whose Mother , Sir , sells Ale by the Town-Walls . ( b ) [ Thou for Doll-Troop hadst ended Ragoo's strife , He 'd hang'd , and never ventur'd such a Wife . ] Monsieur Ragoo , an Officer in a Troop of Horse , having taken occasion to step aside a plundering , was to be hang'd a little : But however the chance turn'd , he had choice given him , either to take a vertuous Lady call'd Doll Troop , to be his Wedded Wife , or else to snickle up : after deep consideration upon the case , and weighing the Circumstances , &c. he resolv'd to cast Lots ; the Lay was so even , to decide what himself could not do , and so got the worse end of the staff , without Redemption to be all-to-be-marry'd . On a CHEESE . Pinguis & ingratae permeretur Caseus Urbi . Virg. A Pastoral . AMoret and Strephon lay On a Couch of downy Hay , In the wither'd Age of Day : Blest that one the other sees , Blest with a spicy western Breeze , a Blest with a noble Rammel Cheese . Each at t' other darts their Eye ; Each at the glittering Treasure by . A sight that Strephon's passion moves ; Scarce Amoret he better loves : To Amoretta's Heart so near , Strephon's self was scarce more dear : Scarce the Pride o' th' blooming Vale , Woven around her May-day Pail ; Nor could either prove ungrate For such a Gift to smiling Fate : Oft with Vows and Flowers they ran To smiling Fate , and smiling Pan ; Thus they pray , and thus they sing , While all the answering Valleys ring . Strephon. Sprinkle all the dappled Mead ! Round the Turfy Altars lead ! Every Nymph and Fawn invite To laugh and revel here at Night ! Jolly Toasts shall never fail , Quite drunk with nappy nut-brown Ale : Here 's a Cheese would make a Feast Where a King might be a Guest . Amoretta . Stay my Strephon ! 't is in vain ; Too low and humble is your strain : You the Gift must higher raise , Or you 'll Satyr while you praise . Let stiff Princes dream alone On their steep unenvy'd Throne ! Our brighter Cheese out-shines their Crown , And weighs the gilded Bauble down : We 'll a nobler Note begin ; Call and rouze the God within ! Sing the Cheese , and by his Aid , Whence it came , and how 't was made . Strephon. Each Flower that e're in Garland grew , Amoretta ! move for you , And every Herb that sipps the Dew ; Each their distant Influence joyn To an Invention of Divine : The Daisy's pretty twinkling Eye , The Infant Violet blooming by ; Primrose of refreshing smell , And the Cowslip's spotted Bell. Fragrant Tyme , and new-born Grass , Where no rude Feet did ever pass ; All their Essences combine To an Invention so Divine : Each of these transfus'd , agrees First in Milk , and then in Cheese ; In the Cow's Alemby● ▪ wrought , Whence , when to perfection brought , Amoretta's whiter hand Springs of Nectar can command ; b Cataracts which oft prevail To overflow the largest Pail : And when the laughing Virgins come With their new-found Treasure home , Amoretta shall declare How the Miracle they rear . Amoretta . Soft as Wooll , and white as Lambs Lickt by their Officious Dams ; White as those fair Lillies grow In our Copps , — as white as Snow , Next the Creamy Curds arise , And with calm Glories greet the Eyes : He that sees 'em dawning , sees The Image of an Embryo Cheese . c So from Clay Prometheus can Mould the mighty Form of Man : So the rising Vision shows , As when the World from Chaos rose . Then 't is bruis'd , and prest till all The pale Tears around it fall . Thus when Iove intends to mould A Hero out of purer Gold , Hee 'll shut him up in pain and Care , And like Alcides , pinch him there ; 'Till he by kind Afflictions trod , Emerges , more than Half-a-God . Strephon. Thence in happy Triumph born , Like groaning Loads of Welcome Corn , On a cleanly shelf 't is plac'd , With so rich a Burden grac'd ; Or , lest the Foes its Walls attacque , On a well-munited Rack . d Like Atlante's Palace fair , Towring high in yielding Air , By Ariosto built aloft , All the Walls of costly Thought , Or that sturdy Indian Rock e Which Ammon's Son so long did mock ; There it reigns , and there defies Feeble Hosts of Rats and Mice : Up they squint , but all in vain , Up they leap with fruitless pain , Down they drop , a-down again . Reynard so with longing Eyne Views the Cluster'd loaden Vine ; So when the Wolf a Fold has found , Fenc't with Quick-set — Turn-pikes round , About he stalks , and grinns , and scowls , About he stalks , and vainly howls . Amoretta . f So the Titans hizzing f●ll , When of old they dar'd rebell : Olympus they on Ossa pack , Both on Pelions craggy back ; And , against the Thunder hurl'd Half his own dismantled World : g On the calm Couch of golden peace , In undisturb'd eternal ease ; He scorns their Plots , and laughs above ; So sits my Cheese , and so sits Iove . Strephon. This dear day the happy birth Of Amoretta bless't the Earth ; All the Lads of Mirth and Song , O're the Plains shall Dance along : And he that best can sing each Grace , In my Amoretta's face , Shall have the present Iove has given , h Shall have the Ancile dropt from Heaven . This prais'd , this lov'd , this envy'd Cheese , For a Reward shall all be his . NOTES . ( a ) [ Bless't with a noble Rammel Cheese . ] ( Rammel ) is a word , I think not much used ●bout London , but common in the West , op●●sd to Skim-Cheese . Thus you find it pretty ●ften in Mr. Creeches Theocritus . ( b ) [ Springs of Nectar can command . ] Hony soit qui male y pense . ( c ) [ So from Clay Prometheus can , Mould the beauteous form of Man. ] Prometheus , being 't is likely used to build Gae●les , and Dirt●pyes in his Youth , when he came 〈◊〉 Age , set up the Trade of a Man●founder , for 〈◊〉 ▪ Jove was so ●angry ( as well he might , 〈◊〉 to ' ther took his work out of his hands , without ever serving his time to the Trade ) that , what do me he but trusses him up , rive●s him on Mount Caucasus , and sent an unconscionable Vulture to tear out the Heart of him . See more in Tobacco-pipe . Read the story in Lucians Dialogues , Book 1. p. 48. ( d ) [ Like Atlante's Palace fair . ] A gawdy Magical Pallace in Orlando Furioso , which cost Poet and Painter , and at least Engraver , a great many fine strokes to express it . The Louvre , or Escurial are but Hog-styes to 't , as any body may be satisfi'd that will but take the pains to compare ' em . ( e ) [ Or that sturdy Indian Rock , Which Ammons Son so long did mock . ] A Fortress long besieg'd by Alexander , in Sagitiana , I think 't was , but 't is good ▪ to be sure , and therefore ask Quintius Curtius , who knows better than any of us ! ( f ) [ So the Titans hizzing fell . ] Qu. Pray Mr. Author why is your Shepherdess so learned here , and in other places ? how comes she to talk against decorum in Pastorals , and to fly upon the high●ropes at this rate ? Answ. Because all things here are designed 〈◊〉 be alike extravagant● — let this serve once for all for I 'll trouble my self no more about it ! ( g ) [ On the calm Couch of golden peace . ] Any one may discern this is a stroke of Lucretius , alluding to that first Principle of the Epicureans , so well express'd by that Poet , and so much better made English by Mr. Creech — thus . " For what so ere 's divine must live in peace , " In undisturb'd , and everlasting ease , &c. I have forgot the rest , but you shall have it all as soon as I can get it my self . ( h ) Shall have the Ancile dropt from Heav'n . ] The Ancile was a certain very holy Relique among the Romans , being the very handy-work of Jupiter himself : but least this precious business should be stole from the Temple , while Gods and Men were asleep , two more were made so exactly like the right , and one another , that a Thief must have very good luck to be able to distinguish the original from the counterfeit . In the safe keeping it , they believ'd the Cityes safety consisted . A Full and True Account of a Journey with its Appurtenances . a NOw Heav'ns jolly Carman left weeping and whining , Scrubb'd up Sunday face , and fell fairly a shining ; The Cits are alive , and to — they run , As Flyes from a Cow-turd will swarm in the Sun. Spouse Rampant takes Arms , Coucht Cuckold she tells , He must get her a place to go visit the Wells ; Not a Pothecaryes Wife that is leaving the Town , But will pawn all her Glyster-pipes for a new Gown . 'T is the Devil that drives , and needs Travel they must ; A long comes the Coachman with Bring out your Dust ! So sweet is his Load , and so neat , and so pure , Yo●'d swear he was under-commission'd i' th' Sewer . Not a Fop of the Pit , or a Jilt o' the Box , b But dresses , and crawls to the Wells with a Pox ; So throughly the Waters have purg●d all the City , c That They 're strangely reform'd , and grown civil , and Witty. Least the Dunns my poor Carcass to pieces should tare , I●ll ene like my Betters take Sanctuary there ; For melting , or getting , or spunging a Penny , As poor , and as dull , and as sawcy as any . But the walks were bepester'd with Cravat , and Fan , And Beaver , and Wigg , and sometimes a Man : For curing old Aches , and getting new pains ; For cooling and heating the blood and the reins . Old Sol from Aurora's Alcove newly peeping , While more than three Quarters lay grunting and sleeping : When routed Cravat-string , and Ruffles I 'd rally'd , From Dog-hole of Lodging one Morning I sally'd , I walkt , and I strutted along like the rest , And I thought hard of nothing as well as the best ; Till a Bevey of Ladys swum hastily by , All finer than ●ippence , they dazz●'d my Eye . I follow the Track , and the Vision pursue , Meditation farewel , now the Game is in view : Tho' I quickly got up they were enter'd before , And cruelly shut the unmerciful Door . Tho' my Eyes kept a Fast , yet my Ears I could treat , And yours shall take part while the Tale I repeat ▪ But Madam , sayes one , while They 're chatting together , If one may be so bold , pray what Wind blew you hither ? She replyes , with a Sigh drawn up to her Chin , 'T is a weakness , Obstructions , and weakness within . My Husband 's as likely a Man as you 'll see , A Man every Inch of him , take it from me ! Ay and I 'll assure ye — &c. Nay ! never despair , Madam , 't is not too late : Your changing of pasture may make you grow fat ; I speak by experience , stay here but a Little , And I warn't you return as round as a Kettle . No doubt on 't , says one , but if ever she will , She must take a good dose of a Soverain Pill , That cured me — Hold there says the next , I deny 't t' ye ; d I was helpt by some drops of Specimen vitae . They stirr'd , and I fled for my Ears , and my Eyes , Since a noble Retreat with a Victory vyes ! I retired in spight of my Foes and my Fears , And bravely brought off both my Eyes and my Ears . Now Reader , by a Figure which Poets may use , Pray suppose it is Evening ! — If you wont you may chuse . As Lasses and Lads do advance in Decorum , When Crowder at Christmass hops squeaking before 'em ; So Tag-Rag , and Bob-tail to dancing do throng , And th' Flower of — come flaming along . Here a Hell-full of Hogo's comes driving just on us , e Let 's get the wind side on 't , or Mercy upon us ; A Plague's on the Green , and it newly arose From — Some-body's — powerful Armpits and Toes . Have a care of the Lad with his hair in his Hat , As you value his anger touch not his Cravat ! Pray keep your distance , with Reverence stand , If you ruffle his Ruffles , his Cane is at hand . Sirrah Iack ! rub my Shoes with the Napkin , with Care , Your Master commands you , refuse if you dare : Unmannerly Winds the sweet Curls to displace Of so pretty , so lovely , so charming a Face ! But hang a good Face , that 's a womanish toy , Give me such a shape as this Lad does enjoy ! But speak not a word as you value your life , Of his Buttocks and Shoulders , and the thing call'd his Wife ! If you love your own Ribs , stand further good Friends , Room , Room for a Pudding ty'd up at both Ends ! Whose goodly large Belly struts crowding before him , No less than a Lady behind does adore him . Make much of him , Madam , and use him in haste , Or quickly his Service alas will be past ; For if half an inch further his Paunch does but come , f You must e'ne be content with the deaf and the dumb . Here creeping and cringing to a thing of a Fortune , That weighs fifteen thousand , stands hopeful young What-d'ye-call-him ! And e're he does live on the Land , 't is but reason If he take for Security Liv'ry and Seisin . A Knighthood comes next with a finical face , And a couple of Arms which he moves with that Grace , That he thinks his deserts will ha' cursed ill hap , If some Lady Fair don't fall in his Lap. Now the sport is all over , all travel that can To the place whence they came , with their Whore and their Man ; And I when my Guinys and Credit were spent Sneakt home in the Crowd , like a Fool as I went. NOTES . ( a ) [ Now Heavens jolly Carman left weeping and whining . ] The Iourney was at the beginning of Summer , after a great Rain . ( b ) [ But dresses , and crawls to the Wells with a Pox. ] There 's many a true Word spoke in jest . ( c ) [ They 're strangely transform'd , and grown civil , &c. ] Very good news , if it be'n't too good to be true . ( d ) [ I was helpt by some drops of Specimen vitae . The Dispensatory wherein that Cordial is to be found , is , — 2 d part of the Souldiers Fortune . ( e ) [ Let 's get the Wind-side on 't , or mercy upon us ! ] In the Plague time , in London , people would tack about one another to get to the Wind-ward , lest that should bring the Disease on them by the breath of any infectious . ( f ) [ For it half-an-inch further his Paunch does but come . ] Some persons have been reported of that vast and irregular bigness , that they ha'n't been able with one part of their Body to relieve t'other . The Leather Bottle . MR. Iove ! tho' your Chittiface Ganymed skink , I scorn to exchange or my Plate , or my drink ; For without fear or wit the Immortals will hector , When out of thy Bole they are fuddled with Nectar . Whatever your Cronys the Poets have spoke , Your Godship , when here , were a notable Soak ; And when from your Gang you were spirited up , a In the midst of the Stars you planted your Cup. b As a Lady of Rome , in a great deal of State , Produc'd all her brats for her Cupboard of Plate ; So if for the sight of my Treasures you call , Here 's my dear Leather-bottle , my one and my all . c Gigantic Borrachio's Sir Quixot did fright , And maugre poor Squire , made an Ass of the Knight ; Had my Bottle been there , 't would ha' been more compliant , For he ne're could mistake such a Dwarf for a Gyant . My Vessel tho' little , dim Envy may see , Is as neat and as pretty as pretty may be ; d When the Heidleburg Tun is an ill-contriv'd Sloven , Tho' its Vent-hole's as big as the mouth of an Oven . How cool and how sweet is the Liquor that 's here , e It dribbles down daintily , lively and clear ! Not Ice can preserve it as well from the weather , Nor Water , nor Sand , as a Bottle of Leather . f Oraculous Bottles inspir'd of old Each worm-eaten Witch that Wonderments told : g This Engine curst Sycorax her self could subdue ▪ And this did a Viceroy out of Trincalo hew . When the Sun does with Thirst the poor Hay-maker throttle , And tann all their Faces till they look like the Bottle ; 'T is this sets 'em right , 't is as speedy and handy As old Mother Midnight's kind Bottle of Brandy . Let others plod on , till they 'r crazie and brain-sick , h For malleable Glasses , like the Consuls of Dantsick : Let this fall where you will , all its thumps are in vain , You may bulge it , and bulge it , and out with 't again . My Bottle besides is old Dog at Dispute , And can Suarez , and Scotus , and Occham confute : Nay , his own Couzin Bellarmin too must go down , And if e're he get up , he will have him by 'th' Crown . When Semele in Lightning and Thunder did fry , Iove feather'd her Bastard , and sheath'd it in 's Thigh : But no doubt but he thriv'd in that Climate far worse Than if in a Bottle he had put him to Nurse . Some Pigmy Diogenes here might retreat , And make it his spacious and worshipful seat ; One Room of a Floor , for a Cellar he might spare it ; 'T is needless , as well as a Chamber or Garret ▪ Like Maggot in Nutshel he might revel with glee , And none be so happy , so happy as he : Nor need he to fear that he there should be Foxed , Tho he drank up at once both the Cellar and Hogs-head . NOTES . ( a ) [ In the midst of the Stars you planted your Cup. ] A Constellation call'd the Cup. ( b ) [ As a Lady of Rome — Produc'd all her Brats for her Plate . ] A famous Story — When one Lady had shown the other all her Iewels and fine things , she carries her home , and for her Iewels , shows her her Children . ( c ) [ Gigantic Borrachio's Sir Quixot did fright . ] See the Notes on the Souldiers Duel . ( d ) [ When the Heidleburg Tun , &c. ] The great Tun of Heidleburg , with a Ladder of many rounds to ascend it . ( e ) [ It dribbles down daintily . ] I have taken care that should be set in other Characters , as a most considerable Flower borrow'd from my good friend John Bunnyan . ( f ) [ Oraculous Bottles inspir'd of old . ] The Spirit of Ob , Webster and his Followers say , was only a Bottle , &c. ( g ) [ This Engine curst Sycorax her self could subdue , And this did a Viceroy out of Trincalo hew . ] See the famous History of the Tempest , or the Inchanted Island , where this is explained . ( h ) For malleable Glasses , like the Consuls of Dantsick . ] 'T is reported an ingenious Man had at Dantsick ; ( or somewhere there abouts , te'n't much odds ) a Glass which after he had drunk , he would throw on the ground , bulge it , and hammer it out agen . ( a ) Out of Lucian's true History , Part the First . b — AND now on a fair star-light Noon Our Ship launch'd off , and gently left the Moon . c So stoops the Sun to kiss his watry Fair , And with bright Foot-steps paints the ambient Air. Boreas had lockt his Bullys in their Cave , d And Birds of calm brood o're the marble wave . But ah ! how treacherous are the smiles of Fate ! How slippery treads the blest and fortunate ! Twice the kind Sun had warm'd the chearful Skys , Nor does less bright the third black day arise . All dreadful bright it rose , the Air was spread Far , far around with ominous gloomy Red. Sad hollow Voices by the Pilot past , e And one pale Light glar'd o're the trembling Mast. When such dark Bodings call'd for Aid Divine , f We vow'd a Bull on Neptune's oozy Shrine : Tho' Fa●e was cross , yet he so far did hear , We were no longer rackt with doubtful fear . For see ! Whole Heards of Whales make the white Ocean roar , New Seas they spout , and drive new Seas before . The Tide they brought had washt us far away , But one Leviathan's Charibdis made us stay . He , like some Tyrant - Gudgeon , floated by Amidst the little Minews trembling Fry : Like Lacquys by with finny feet they ran , Lean Poets all the rest , he some fat Alderman . And when the vast Abyss around him curl'd , They seem'd but Mountains , he alone a World : We took his Latitude when sailing in , g Full fifteen hundred Leagues from Fin to Fin : His dreadful Iaws , for our destruction bent , Had Teeth , each larger than the Monument , And sharp as Needles near in Crooked-Lane , h Set on some Diamond Island of the Main : And now there 's not so much as room for Pray'r , The last sad refuge of the Mariner . These , O my Wife , these , O my Children cry ! Then all shake hands , and drink , and bid Good-b'w'y ' ! Here , had we been with such Provision stor'd , i We should have thrown some Hogs-heads over-board : k But here tho' we had robb'd the Moon and Sun , An hundred Delos's had hardly done : The Monster gapes , unfinisht shrieks begin ; We sink , we sink , his Whirl-pool rolls us in ! Oceans are after Oceans on us hurl'd , We shoot the Gulph , and down we sail to view the under World. NOTES . ( a ) Part of Lucian's true History . 'T is paraphrastically done ; tho I dare undertake , the Original is followed ( at least ) as close by the Transverser , as Truth by the Author . ( b ) [ — And now , on a fair star-light Noon . ] Lucian and the Ships Crew had taken a Voyage to the Land i' the Moon , ( without the help either of Domingo's feathery , or others Christal or Brazen Chariot , or so much as the French Smith's Wings ; ) and after many strange Adventures met with ( you need not question ) in so strange a place , is now just bound for Earth and Sea agen . ( c ) [ So stoops the Sun to kiss his watry Fair. ] Apollo's pretty Hostess , whom he uses a-nights to call in to ; — But they are both very civil persons , and certainly mean no manner of harm in the World. — I forgot to tell you her Name is Thetis . ( d ) [ And Birds of calm brood o're the Marble wave . ] These are a kind of Creatures the Poets have had the happiness to discover , as Harpys , Chymaera's , &c. when all the other less inquisitive , or less lucky part of the World know nothing of ' em . They are said to brood on the Sea at a set time in the year ; and Neptune while they are hatching , is so complaisant to give 'em all fair weather . If any would see any more of 'em let 'em enquire at Lucian's true History , Second Part , and they shall know farther . ( e ) [ And one pale light glar'd o're the trembling Mast. ] Two Lights appearing on the Ship in a storm , are counted good Omens , one single , bad . ( f ) [ We vow'd a Bull on Neptune's oozy Shrine . ] As common an Offering to Neptune of old , as now a wax Candle to-my Lady of Loretto . ( g ) [ Full fifteen hundred Leagues from Fin to Fin. ] I quote my Author : I have it from Lucian himself ; and we must say of him here , as he a little before of Aristophanes , [ that he speaks like a learned Man , and would not tell a lie for all the World. ] ( h ) [ Set on some Diamond Island of the Main . ] One of those Phaery Islands the Whale might know , tho' we don't . ( i ) [ We should have thrown some Hogs-heads over-board . ] As is the Custom for Mariners when a Whale is near . ( k ) [ But here , tho' we had robb'd the Moon and Sun. ] Delos being their Free-land , settled in the Sea on purpose for the Birth-place of Apollo and Diana . An Elegant Letter , with a Copy of fine Verses by a London Wit , in answer to a Lampoon . Right Reverend Knawpost , YOur Prodigious Chaos of Nonsence ( composed , and wright by the Spawn of a Moabite ) I receiv'd , and am satisfy'd , that the Latitude of your Troble exceeds the Demensions of mine , or you need not have given your self so much unnecessary labour to prove your self an inconsiderable Coxcomb . The perusal of your Satyrical Rhetorical Lines made me admire to see so excellent a parrable [ 1 ] in your Parts and Person ; for as your Person is monstruous without the Aid and Assistance of modeish Accouterments , ( were your Nose and Chinn an inch shorter ) so is there such a Chimaew [ 2 ] in your Disposition , that without the assistance of good Literature , the sense of your heroick Lines had rendred your Ape-ship more rediculous then an Ass. Thus admireing the work of Nature , which hath created your Face so much like a Sunn-Dial , that were it equally devided into twelve parts , and as truly seated toward the South point , as you● Affections are toward your Mistress ; the shade of your Nose would certainly , when the Sunn shines , descover the true time of the Day . So I rest , Your Servant . So much for the Epistle ; the Poem followeth , ( so much of it as the ill-natur'd Mice have left legible . ) How doth the learned Critic stand , Pensive and mad , with Pen in hand , Fraighted with store of amorous Wares , Which many an Author owns for theirs ! He is a Fool that thinks it good To laugh at all that 's made of Wood ; [ 3 ] And eke in time may lifted be Unto the fatal wooden Tree . In the Spark's Letter observe , 't is spell'd in the same manner that ' ti● printed : For the word mark'd with the figure [ 1 ] and wrote [ parrable , ] I suppose he would ha' said [ parallel ; ] and figure [ 2. ] for Chimaew , — he means either Chymaera , or nothing at all . In his Verses , fig. [ 3. ] — That 's made of Wood , ] For this block of a Lover , Poet , Scrivener , &c. was by Occupation a Ioyner , or some such wooden Trade , of which he had a touch in a former Lampoon . In answer to his Letter he had this following . An Answer to the Ioyner's smart Letter . Why Lad ! HOw now Lad ! witty these cold mornings ! 'T is well if this don't prognosticate some Plague ; for certainly a Comet is n't half so prodigious . But indeed , Friend Thomas , it terrifies the Coccles of my Heart , lest thou should'st at this rate run out in a little time longer thy Right Reverend Master , and Right Worshipful Self with Charges to Scrivener and School-boy . I think thou 'st claw'd it off Lad ! and the Mallet of thy Invention joyned with the peaceable Chizzel of thy pestilent Wit , has for once obtunded the Cerebrocity of every sawcy Rogue of a Rival . In good sober sadness there 's Nonsence enow to perswade one it came all , every bit and scrap , and Chip of it out o' thy n'own dear Noddle ; but that , as the black old Gentleman , thy Friend , would have it , who ow'd thee a spight for once in thy life courting virtuous Women , 't is writ and spelt at such a rate , none but such an incorrigible Blockhead could ever blunder on . — But who can help 't ? We must e'ne take 't for better for worse , seeing there 's no Remedy ; and therefore , — Here 's t' ye agen ! alas poor Thing ! Is your queasie Gu● surfeited with all the Tripe-women , Kitchin-stuff-wenches , Hogs-feet — Butter-Whores and Scullions in our Street , that you have all so sudden such a muckle mind to what 's meat for your Masters . 'T would be worth the while now to launch out into the due Applause of thy portly paunch and person , but only thy sweet Face , my joy ! is so much like a Slough , that I 'm already founder'd Horse and Man , and therefore lest I should marr thy Marriage , thinking one can't pick and choose in the case , e'ne best recommend thee to an honest Cindar-woman , or the Tankard-bearer's hump-backt Lady , with whom , as I am credibly inform'd , you used to have intimate familiarity and converse in the corner of the Cellar . So I rest , Yours . DIALOGUES . I. Dialogue , Between a Thatcher and a Gardener , for Precedency , on occasion of a Pot of Ale with this Inscription ; Detur Digniori . Thatcher . DOwn , down to the Clod out of which thou art made , Nor with Tinder-box-hoof my Ladder invade ! The Pot shall be mine in spight of thy Spade . Gardener . And dares the poor Thatcher with the Gardener vye ? Sure his Noddle's grown giddy with sitting so high ; Let our Titles be try'd by the next that comes by . Thatcher . Content ! ( Gardener , ) And content ; and look over the plain , Where Cuddy the Shepherd comes trotting amai● : Who but he should decide which is best of the twain ? Thatcher . Tho' a Shepherd may be partial , he 's honest and true , He 's old , and he 's grave , and he Justice will do , And Cuddy will be equal to me and to you . Gardener . ●ut look , he 's just here : pr'y thee tell him the Tale ; Thatcher . ●ay , Cuddy , and judge whether Trade must prevail , ●or the best of our two wins a Pot of good Ale. Cuddy . ●ll stay while I can , but then quickly begin , 〈◊〉 either expect the Honour to win ! 〈◊〉 my Landlord in haste has sent for me in . Gardener . ●ce straining of Complements now would be vain , 〈◊〉 eldest and noblest of Trades I 'le maintain ; 〈◊〉 Gardener was Adam , but a Thatcher was Cain . Thatcher . Not so fast Mr. Gard'ner ! with Reeds and with Boughs His Father before him had cover'd a House : b Sure you dare not deny what Dubartas avows . Gardener . The Hero's from Gardens and Solitudes came , And sallying from thence fill'd the World with their Name ; But who ever heard of a Thatcher of Fame ? Thatcher . c Epicurus indeed from a Garden did rise , But Atheism never can a Thatcher surprize , d Since he alwayes is viewing the Sun and the S●ys ▪ Gardener . From the tops of their Houses Aegyptian● must ow● e To the rest of the World Idolatry's flown ▪ And too many Gods are scarce better tha● none ▪ Thatcher . If you 're driven into Aegypt , and fly fro● the Greek ▪ Very far from your Lodge , one need not 〈◊〉 see ▪ f To find out the omnipotent Onion and Lee● Gardener . Their Trophies Kings , Captains and Emperors bring , And all over-board for one Shovel they fling ; But who ever heard of a Thatcher a King ? Thatcher . The Gallows and Garden when all other means fails ! Thus Dennis when scap'd from Si●ilian Jayls , g Fell from cutting of throats to cutting of tails . Gardener . Each Beggar the name of the Thatcher can tell , For nothing you 're fit but a Cottage and Cell ; I with Princes and Lords by their Palace● dwell . Thatcher . Thatch keeps out all Care as well as all Cold. Besides by my Grandsire I 've often been told , h That Straw has been Cov'ring for Churches of old ▪ Gardener . Scarce once in a Moon you mount from the ground , And another Trade too , or you 'll starve , must be found , I ha' still pleasant work that holds all the year round . Thatcher . No doubt on 't ; and Winter must never infest Your fortunate Regions with Summer still blest , Nor fix you like a Cuckow clung up in his Nest ! Cuddy . Brave Boys , both ! so well you each other abuse , There 's hardly between you a halter to chuse : I j●dge that to make one another amends , I drink off the Ale , you shake hands and be Friends . NOTES . ( a ) [ A Gard'ner was Adam , but a Thatcher was Cain . ] Thus demonstrated . — Cain built a City before any Iron-work was invented ; he could not therefore have Tiles to cover it : — Ergo , 't was done with Thatch , or somewhat equivalent . ( b ) [ Sure you dare not deny what Dubartas avows . ] Dubartas in his Poem of the Creation , describes Adam's rude draught of building in that manner . ( c ) [ Epicurus indeed from a Gard'ner did rise . ] Epicurus his Study and Schools being in a Garden , was so notorious , that his Principles are thence call'd , — The Doctrine of [ the Garden . ] ( d ) [ But Atheism never can a Thatcher surprize , Since he always is viewing the Sun and the Skys . ] This even the Epicureans confess a strong Inducement to the belief of a supream Being , the Author of the World ; and therefore give their Followers a Caution against it . So Lucretius , Book 5. p. 141. For even those few exalted Souls that know The Gods must live at ease , not look below ; Free from all medling Cares , from hate and love ; If they admire , if view the World above , They wonder how those glorious Beings move . They are entrap'd , they bind their slavish Chain , And sink to their religious Fears again . Mr. Creeches Translation . ( e ) [ From the tops of their Houses Aegyptians must own , To the rest of the World Idolatry's flown . ] If the Gardener puts a fallacy on the Thatcher , let him look to it himself ; I only am to explain his meaning thus far , — That in Aegypt , from the tops of their houses the Aegyptians frequently used to view the Heavens , living in a Champain Countrey . — Hence Astronomy , and as some say , Idolatry . ( f ) [ To find out the omnipotent Onion and Leek . Part of the worshipful God-heads of Aegypt , which , tho' of the two more tolerable than the Crocodile ; yet , had Horace liv'd there , or many others , they had certainly , as to that point of the Compass , turn'd Atheists . ( g ) [ Thus Dennis , when scap't from Sicilian Jayls , ] Fell from cutting of throats to cutting of tails . ] When Dyonisius the Tyrant of Sicily was expell'd , he went to Corinth , and there set up School-master . ( h ) [ That Straw has been Cov'ring for Churches of old . ] The Church of Glastenbury , the ancientest certainly in England , if the Monks do'n't lie , was built , the sides with Hurdles , and thatcht with Straw . The Second Dialogue , Between the Herring , and Whale . a Whale . I Am the bold Whale . ( Herring : ) — And the brisk Herring I. Whale . Thro' the Ocean I roll . ( Herring . ) O're the Shallows I fly . Whale . b Per fidem be gone from my presence ! How dare The ridiculous Mouse with the Mountain compare ? Herring . Take my Honour , take my Life ! to my Post I 'll abide , Now I find such Authority plain o' my side , Tho' you swell , yet , unless the Rehearsal do's lie , c There 's ten times more Beauty and Shape in a Fly. Whale . Tho' with ease I could breath thee to nothing again ▪ Or spout thee a Mile , to thy Enemies , Men ; d Like Phaebus I 'll stoop from my glittering Throne , And even descend to dispute for my own ; A couple we 'll chuse , who the Umpires shall be , The Dolphin is mine . ( Herring ) — The Shrimp my Referee . Whale . e When in the Abyss I no longer did sleep , But kind Mother Nature call'd me out of the deep ; What a Gulph did I leave i' the space whence I came ? What a Can●le● of Chaos was spent i' my frame ! When Nature the Whale into Being did bring , She smil'd , and she cry'd — He is made for a King. Herring . Tho' a World of dull Bullion your essence do's hold , Scarce an Atom of Soul was cast into the Mould , Room enough , and to spare lavish Nature allows , But provides not a Tenant to suit with the House : As for me , tho' she veils me with Flesh , and with Skin , Yet my Form's little else but pure Spirit within : And in vain you your Bulk for your Monarchy bring , f For if the Ocean were Goth-land who but I should be King. Whale . Not alone on my Bulk I intend to rely ; My Strength , and my Courage with my Magnitude vye : My side is too thick for a Spear or a Dart ; g Huge Rafters of Ribs barricado my Heart . Even Neptune himself is afraid when I roar , And his quiv'ring Court dive away to the Shore . With a courage undaunted I 'll a Navy assail , And disorder whole Squadrons by a brust with my Tail. Herring . Your strength and your Valour must needs be Divine , h When you 're caught , like a Gudgeon with a Hook , and a Line : i When spite of Dame Luna , at Ebb 't will be flood , And you make a Spring-tide all around with your Blood. Whale . The Laws of hard Nature forbid to withstand , That Forreigner Man , the fierce Tyrant o' th' Land : 'T is the Sea is my Kingdom , and the Waters must own , At home I have ever been Monarch alone . Herring . k Yes , as oft , as the Sword-fish , and Thrasher will please To leave off their Sport , and allow you som● ease : On your Noddle and under your Paunch they are set , While one Reyns you in , 'tother makes you Curvet ; Then Neptune indeed may shake when you roar , Tho' you 're Nine-mile at Sea , they can hear you ashore . Dolphin . All to Arms ! all to Arms ! while we scolding sit here , Look ! look where the Enemyes fleet do's appear : The Fishermans Navy with sail , and with Oar , That has often among us made Havock before . Shrimp , Herring . I boyl — and I broyl till my Ierkin do's crack . Whale . And I feel barbed Irons like a Grove on my back : 'T is in vain with such Odds for the Combat to stay , All shift for your selves , and I 'll lead you the way . NOTES . ( a ) [ I am the bold Whale — and the brisk Herring I. ] First and formost , ( and before I tell you by what Art I make these Gentlemen speak ) 't is the part of an Honest man to acknowledge , and repay what he has borrow'd . This Line is but little alter'd from that in Rehearsal . " I am the bold Thunder — the brisk Lightning I. In the next place — By what Art Magick can I perswade Fishes to speak , who are mute to a Proverb , and no more enclin'd to prating than Fryer Bacon's Brazen-Head ? Why , first take notice that 's a Vulgar Errour , and a scandal on the free Citizens of the Ocean : they are silent indeed when dragg'd into our Element , nor should we much , I believe , be more enclin'd to Oratory , if Head and Ears covered in theirs . Again , 't is plain they have a voice , prov'd from the Whale , who in his Battle with the Sword-fish and Thrasher , describ'd below , roars with such an audible voice , he may be heard three Leagues off . If all this ben't enough , I 'me sure they may as well pretend to speech as Lucians Bed , and Lamp ; by which Figure I shall introduce Chamberpot and Frying-pan , two or three pages henc● . ( b ) [ Per fidem be gone from my presence ! ] By this Verse you may learn , if you understand Logick — first that the Whale understands Latin ; and secondly that he 's Proctor of the Ocean . ( c ) [ There 's ten times more Beauty , and shape in a Fly. ] Vid. Rehearsal . " I 'd sooner have a Passion for a Whale , " In whose vast bulk tho'store of Oyl do's lie , " We find more Shape , more Beauty in a Fly. ( d ) [ Like Phaebus I 'll stoop from my glittering Throne . ] Once upon a time Phaebus having nothing else to do ( perhaps when Jupiter gave him a Holiday ) descended to some Wake or other , and undertook the Fidler for a Wager ; but being like to be baffled , he had no remedy but to call his Godship in , and fright the Poor fellow so ( whose name I should have told ye was Marsyas ) that he made him leapt out of his Skin . ( e ) [ When in the Abyss I no longer did sleep . ] How should the Whale know that piece of Philosophy ? Why might not Aristotle teach him when he leapt into the Water , as wisely as Empedocles into Fire ? But 't is contrary to his Hypothesis , who denied a beginning of the World , and consequently the Chaos , &c. Why then Arion when cap'ring on the Dolphins back , instructed that ▪ Dolphin , that Dolphin his Son , and so down to the Whale●and there 's the short and the long on 't . ( f ) [ For if the Ocean were Gothland , who but I should be King ? ] 'T was the custom among the Goths to chuse a little man for their Prince . ( g ) [ Huge Rafters of Ribs barricado my Heart . If you wo'n't take the Whales word , 't is but stepping to Rumford Road , or the Physick-Garden in Oxford , where a couple of Whales Ribbs are to be seen , neither inferiour in bigness to a lusty Rafter . ( h ) [ When you 're caught , like a Gudgeon with a Hook , and a Line . ] One way of Whale-fishing is striking at him with an Iron fasten'd to a long Rope , then letting the Rope loose , the Whale beats up and down till it for loss of blood yieldeth up the Ghost . ( i ) [ When spite of Dame Luna , at Ebb 't will be Flood . ] By this compar'd with what went before , 't is probable that tho' the Whale was for the Neotericks , the Herring keeps close to the old Philosophy , and according to that , holds the Moon to be the cause of Tides . ( k ) [ Yes as oft as the Sword-fish , and Thrasher shall please . ] The Story is thus . The Thrasher and Sword-fish are two Fish , the Whales implacable Enemyes . The Sword-fish having a sharp bone in his Head , gets under his soft Belly , and makes him rise to the Top of the Water ; where the Thresher with his Wash-beetle Tayl , beats him down again , and between them both they Thump him so unconscionably , that he crys murder so loud you may hear him three Leagues off . The Third Dialogue , Between Chamber-pot and Frying-Pan . Chamber-pot . STand off ! nor with rude Smut disgrace a The Glories of my brighter face ! Frying-pan . Tho not so glib my Face be seen , Yet all I 'me sure 's as sweet within . Chamber-pot . You in the Kitchin drudge alone , None handles you but greasie Ioan ! Frying-pan . I always lend , but you receive ; Which is most brave , to take , or give ? Chamber-pot . Oft Maid and Mistriss fetch me on t , To wash their their Lilly - hand and Snowt . Frying-pan . You 're civil sure , and use I hope With Water to allow 'em Soap . Chamber-pot . Yes , such as ne're , at worst , indures To scowre so foul a Mouth as yours . Frying-pan . O what a fragrant Hogo rose But now , to twinge a swounding Nose ? Chamber-pot . Such as when you were made a Tool , b To Fry the Break-fast for the Fool. Frying-pan . All bulg'd and yellow you must fall At last behind some ruin'd Wall ; Or melt , and to your Masters loss Leave both at once your stink and dross . Chamber-pot . Take then , since me you 'll thus Incense , These marks of my Benevolence : Such Water as if Fame says true , Diana on Acteon threw ; Which as some learned men surmize , With flap of Fox put out his Eyes : And least of Rary show he brag , c Bewitcht poor Hunter into Stag. NOTES . ( a ) [ The Glories of my Brighter Face . ] Hence take notice , to the Honour of the Poet , 't was a Pewter Chamber-pot , and to the Honour of the Maid , 't was newly scoured . ( b ) [ To Fry the Break-fast for the Fool. ] A known story of a Lords Cook and Fool. ( c ) [ Bewitch't poor Hunter into Stag. ] Diana , on his viewing her Dimensions , and the rest of her Virgins , as naked as ever they were born , sprinkled him with some of her own Holy-water , and turn'd him into a Stag. Against a Kiss . A PINDARIC . 1. CHarming Destroyer ! whither wilt thou roll , The tumbling Soul ? When Sylvia smiles with all her Sexes Arts , And Angles for loose wandring Hearts ; Sweet lovely Poyson from her Lips she breaths , Soft subtle Darts , And dear bewitching Deaths ; Smiling Plagues she throws , Golden Granado's sowes , And into Air the tortur'd Soul with Loves white-powder blows , Presents with painted Vipers gay , and crownd , And scatters Heavenly Hells around . 2. A Kiss ! there 's Magick in the Name , What Amulet against its force can Arm ; The willing Letters of themselves forbidden sounds compose , And leap into a charm , And plunge the Hearer in blew Waves of Flame , a Such sulph'rous liquid flame as flows , From Aetna's everlasting Womb : Which oft e're now over proud Towns weak Walls arose , b And brought to Cities , and to men , both Death and Tomb ; Where Christal Lakes for long long Ages stood , c Supplyd from the Abyss with an eternal flood , For long unnumbred Ages past , Scarce Ice more cold , or chast ; There , over all the mouldring Banks red Surges pour ; There do's hot Vulcan ravish all , and all devour , d And even vitrifies the Mud. With much ado , to their great Fund some stragling drops retire , Close at the Heels pursu'd by swift prepost'rous Waves of Fire . 3. A Lip 's the Devils Tinderbox , Whence by soft repeated stroaks Lusts lurking Lightning flyes , And blasts the unhappy Soul that pryes , With rash unwary Eyes . A downy Pillow where the firmest Heart is broke , ( Be 't Heart of Flint , or Heart of Oak ! ) With a sly never-smarting stroke : A Kiss that Traytor in an Angels dress , From bad Good-offices will never cease , But ever seems to bring fair Overtures of Peace , When its Commission speaks of nothing less . At the Mouths tot'tring Gate it parlys Sin Slides thro' a strong reserve , To invested Lust , which else must quickly starve , And gives Intelligence to every Enemy within . 4. 'T is Death , 't is Poyson all ! Slow , sure Italian poyson , 't will e To a Year , an Hour , a Minute kill ; Dead without Hope the infected Wretches fall : One Kiss will raise f More Frenzies than a score Tarantula's . The tickling Venom thro' each secret path will run , Till its mortal Errand's done , The pungent Atoms search the Body o're , Infect each drop of putred Go●e , And chase the quivring Soul thro' every winding Pore : And see the curst Enchantress smiling by , Glares with a sharp unlucky eye , Hind'ring the very wish of Remedy . g Musick the common countercharm , Can only here increase the Immedicable Harm : And raise ten thousand Devils more , To all the unnmber'd Legions revel'd there before . NOTES . ( a ) [ Such sulph'rous liquid Flame as flows , From Ae●na's everlasting Womb. ] ( b ) [ And brought to Cities , and to Men , both Death and Tomb. ] At the Eruptions of that famous Sicilian Volcano , the melted Minerals broke down all opposition , and ran for many Miles a continual stream of Fire ; when it came to any Houses , it burst all down tho' never so strong , and buryed the very Walls in heaps of Pumice Stones , and such kind of matter . ( c ) [ Supplyd from the Abyss with an eternal flood . ] Among many other learned mens , 't is the immortal Cowleys opinion , that under , or in the middle of the Earth , there is a Fund of Concreated water ( as well as Fire ) call'd — [ The Fountains of the great deep . ) ( d ) [ And even vitrifies the Mud. ] Vitrification is the last degree of Heat , in plain English turning into Glass . ( e ) [ To a Year , an Hour , a Minute kill . ] Some of the Italians are reported so skilful at the hellish Art of Poysoning ( well reckon'd together , if not sometimes the same , with Witchcraft ) that they 'll kill ye a man to any precise time , as certainly as a Clock ; and temper the potion so devilishly exquisite , it shall till such a time suspend its operation . ( f ) [ More Frenzies than a score Tarantula's . ] The Tarantula is a Spider found in Apulia in Italy , whose Poyson is so peculiar , that the Person bitten by it falls incessantly a Dancing , nor is to be cured but by — ( g ) [ Musick the common Counter-charm . ] Which dissipates the Venom , and makes 'em , ( I can't tell how ) sweat it out again . On a certain Nose . ROom for a Nose ( think what you will , 'T is true ) as High as — High-gate Hill : Turn't to a Bridge , 't will ease the Feet , a And reach from thence to Fryday-street ; ( If you 'll set under for a stay The man in Chains at Holloway . ) Steeple crown'd Nose , who thinks it scorn To be by any Spire o're-born ; b ( Fell Dragon-nose held up you know , Disdainfully a top of Bow ; A Nose which would not be content If meted by the Monument ; So scorns the May-pole in the Strand To measure with a Fishing-Wand : This with the Top of old St. Poll Had easily stood Cheek by Ioll. ( Tho● neither of their cloudy Spires Were proof against invading Fires : ) Nor now is it afraid to show c For ●igness with the Cupulo ; Bright Gorgeons Nose , which stoopeth not d To that of the Rhinocerot . And , if some Mad-man were his Friend , Would yield as much by Candles-end : But , ah ! unless it self 't would come , One Fleet could never lug it home ; Unless packt up in several Loads , d Like the fat Stradling God at Rhodes . A Voice it has ; a Voice so swingeing , f It drowns with ease Sir Morelands Engine , g And may be heard to Red'riff Shore , In spight of bawling Scull or Oar. Thence larger fall , and louder Streams Than those of roaring-Through-Bridge - Thames . A Boat ; a Boat ! or I●am drownded , I' th' Eddy of its Wave confounded ; Land me ! that I may see my Dearest , Land me at Queen-hithe ! — sure that 's the ( nearest . Where I'll to Nose compar't agen , In Head of Neighbour Saracen ; And sure the Painter could not erre , Who Copyd Face and all from Her. NOTES . ( a ) [ And reach from thence to Fryday-Street . ] Why Fryday Street ? 'T is reason enow if it ●●lls up the Verse . ( b ) [ Fell Dragon-Nose , which mounts you know , Disdainfully at Top of Bow. ] Alluding to that Dragon which is the Vane of Bow-Steeple . ( c ) [ For bigness with the Cupulo . ] The four Towers , to be joyn'd together , like ●hat at Wool-church . ( d ) Like the fat Stradling God at Rhodes . ] The Colossus at Rhodes was broken down and carryed away by degrees . 'T was of that vast bulk that Ships sail'd into the Haven between its Legs . ( e ) [ It drowns with ease Sir Morelands Engine . ] The speaking Trumpet , invented by Sir Sam. Moreland . ( f ) [ And may be heart to Red'riff Shore . ] One of these Trumpets had words pronounc'd by it at Gresham Colledge , which were heard distinctly and wrote down , a'tother side the water . In Praise of Horns . ASsist ye gentle Powers that can , Assist some blind good natur'd Man , All the Nines aid I 'd now refuse For one kind smile from Iordans Muse. 'T is done ! 't is done ! and by her power , At Feet of Prince ; or Emperour , Transform'd , with voice , and visage mild , I sit like any Pageant Child : First mannerly I bow'd my Head , Then perkt it up again , and se'd : First Wheat and Barley shall be sown , And sprout again on London-stone ; First Cure for Corns ! i' th' Stillyard range , And Thro'-bridge-hoa ! roar round the Change : And Guild-hall cross the Thames be born , E're I forget renowned Horn : When late with Ribbons all bedress●t , So gaudy , at the Cockney's Feast , Each little-Master struts along , Shouted by the Blew-apron'd-Throng , Which of the pretty Lads confess 't Amongst 'em all their Fathers Crest ? ●ho ' many a One his Glory owes ●nto the Sweat of Mothers brows ; ●ho by the Childrens looks could find ●e ever was to others kind ? The Calf is still without it born , ●ho ' Parent - Bull wears dreadful Horn ; ) ●is Wardrobe , when set out in State ●rops from his Fathers fertile Pate ; ●hich does whole Cornucopia's shed , ●o finifie him , round his Head. What glorious Things ! what Trinkets rare , Forrest Cart when joulted there , 〈◊〉 yearly bought at Charlton Fair. ●●●n-fair that better Tricks can shew ! ●●an Green-goofe , or than Bartlomew . ●hen Mistress drinks , and Iohn does thank her , 〈◊〉 the Kings-head , or the Blew-Anchor ; ●ow harmless does she smiling come , ●o bring best Husband Fairings home ! ●●●rings to make him fine and gay ●gainst next Training Holyday ? ●hich more than Silver Head-piece grace 〈◊〉 brazen brow , and Copper Face : ●atural Half-pikes which more adorn ●●an that upon the Vnicorn ; ●one such famous feats can do , ●hat Miracles are found in Two ? Two , grafted in the place of frontlets , A Princely pair of large Brow-antlets : Which if the Herauld plays his part , And draws his Hatchment out with Art ; Tho' Fields of Gules should overwhelm it , Must peep at Top of Argent Helmet : The Motto — Decus & Tutamen , a And I 'll for Rhyme , write under — Amen . NOTE . ( a ) [ And I 'll for Rhyme , write under — Amen . If this seems a little of the dullest , consid●● what Muse I 'me thro' all this Copy inspired wit●● Advice to Monsieur Ragoo , 〈◊〉 had his choice either to be Hang 〈◊〉 or Married . TAke Courage poor despairing Lover ! Walk up ! walk up , and e'ne turnove● Who Mounts the Brida●●Bed is madder By far , than him that Mounts the Ladder . What Man in 's Wits wo'n't rather chuse The Hempen , than the Marriage Noose ? Or in fo plain a Case would faulter , And take the Ring to leave the Halter ; Since you perhaps slight my Authority , Look back ! look back on beauteous Doroty ! Who often without Wit or Fear , Bids a whole Troop - Come on if they dare ! Come on ! she crys , nor should they scare me , Tho' Xerxes 't were and all his Army . There 's Doll : who knows what mischief follows ? Here 's nothing but a single Gallows . His prudence who would not admire , That leaps from Frying-pan to Fire ? See if you dare , you quiv'ring Booby , Those Lips of Pearl , that Snowt of Ruby : Within , ( I would not do her wrong ) There hangs a Clapper-alias - Tongue , It shakes the Church , and rives the Steeple , And when it Rings — beware good People ! Then , tho' perhaps you 'll at it wonder , Sowres all the Neighbours Ale like Thunder : As Lyons roar to Mouses squeaking ; b So Christ-church Tom , and Tom of Pequin ( Tho' we in this the Jesuits anger , ) Are both but Saints-bells to her Twanger : To Hell she scorns to be beholding , She deafs the Devils Dam with scolding ; Her face still Lavers when she washes , c Her Face which sneaks behind Proboscis . Bring the Commissioners o th' Sewer , And ere you Kiss her let 'em view her : They 'll fifty Dung-carts round her place , To clear the ●●nnel of her Face ; But all in vain since all too late , The Dirt is now concorporate : Inveterate Dirt of sev●n years standing , That scorns to wagg for their commanding And all her Frame you now may call Without a Figure — One Mud-wall . Which this great Rule to 'th Life expresses , 'T is Vniform — In Vglinesses . But O! what Sea-weed may compare With her strong Onion-Ropes of Hair. Step back a little ! call the Thatcher , No Peruke-maker e're could match her : No Nets are they , no Cupids fetter , But Halters plain ; nor worse , nor better . If thus her upper features show , Thy Mermaid sure 's meer Devil below ; If all this in her Wast-coat's noted , O how is she Be-petticoated ! Now of two Ills chuse you the least , ( And which that is may soon be guest ) Woo you the Rope , and not the Beauty , And bid the Hangman do his Duty . NOTES . ( a ) [ Look back ! look back on Beauteous Doroty ! Doll-Troop , or Doll-Common , Laundress ; ( and somewhat into the Bargain ) to a Troop of Horse : her Mr. Ragoo , when condemn'd for Plundering , was to marry , or be hang'd . ( b ) [ So Christ-church Tom , and Tom of Pequin . ] The Iesuits relate at Pequin in China is a Bell weighing twelve hundred thousand pound weight . ( c ) [ Her Face that sneaks behind Proboscis . ] The Proboscis is the Trunk , or Nose of an Elephant . On a pretended Schollar that would have had some Verses he had stoln from another Book inserted into the Maggots . HA ! then 't is Time ! affronted Muse begin ! Rouse each ill-natur'd sleeping Thought within : Purse thy dark Brow ! thy trembling Sinews strain , And swell the angry blood in ev'ry Vein ! Has Fortune dragg'd thy Vengeance from her Throne , Crusht out thy wonted Sting , and call'd thee Drone ? No! here 's a Pen do's manly spite revive , Jogs me , and lets me know my Soul 's alive ; And tells the wretch that urg'd a Poets frown , He has rouz'd a Lion that will rend him down . Was I so easie grown , so tame a Tool ! Had fate the power to cramp me into Fool ? That this to me ? and was my Stock so low , I must for scrapps of Wit a Mumping go ? What! Thief at second hand ! doubly the world abuse , And robb that Spittle of thy hungry Muse ! Since one good turn another do's require , Industrious Hackney these shall be thy Hire : This Load of Curses which would make thee crack , Tho' vampt with Porters , or with Camels back . What Colledge Sir ? where took you your Degree ? Bridewell or Bedlam — University ? No doubt thou there wert bless't with due applause , For decent beating Hemp , and picking Straws ; In one of them ( you see I dont collogue With Friends ) commencing Fool , in to'ther Rogue ; But ah ! at last the better party fail'd ; The Fool went down , the Rampant Rogue prevail'd . Long thou in Bridewell with fell fate didst wrastle , Like Hudibras , lock't in enchanted Castle ; What Devil against the Gates a Whirlwind hurl'd , And let thee out agen to Plague the World ? Of old ye out-ran the Constable , 't is true , But sure my Verse can run as fast as you : What tho' unknown ? I dare thy shade arraign , For Poets are not Prophets call'd in vain : Here take this Pass e're we for ever part , Then run , and then Farewell with all my Heart . The Poets pride , and Beggery , and Lies , The Cit● kind Wife , and fear , and avarice : The Lawyers yelling in their feign'd debate , And the fleec'd Clients wisdom all too late ; The keeping Cully's Jealousie , and Care ; The slighted Lovers Maggots , and Despair ; A Womans Body every day to dress , A fickle Soul , little as theirs , or less . The Courtiers Business , th' Impudence ' o' th' stage , And the Defeated Politicians rage ; A Clock-work Spouse , with loud eternal Clack , A Shop i' th' Change , still damn'd to What d' ye lack ! Worse than these Last , if any Curses more , a Ovid e're knew , or fiercer Oldhams store : Till not one part in Body , or Soul be free , May all their barbed Vengeance shower on Thee ; Press't with their weight long mayst thou raving lye , Envying an Halter but not dare to dye , And when condemn'd thou dost thy Clergy plead , Some frightful Fiend deny thee power to Read. Madness , Despair , Confusion , Rage , and Shame , Attend you to the place from whence you came ; To Tyburn thee let Carrion Horses draw , In jolting Cart without so much as Straw . Jaded may they lie down i' th' road , and tir'd , And , ( worse than one fair hanging ) twice be mir'd : b Mayst thou be maul'd with Pulchers Sexto●s Sermon , Till thou roar out For Hemp sake drive on Carman ! Pelted , and curst i' th' road by every one , E'ne to be Hang'd mayst thou the Gauntlet run ! Not one good Woman who in Conscience can Cry out — 'T is pity Troth — a proper Man ! Stupid and dull mayst thou rub off like Hone Without an open , or a smother'd Groan . May the Knot miss the place , and fitted be To plague , and torture , not deliver thee ! Be half-a-day a dying thus , and then c Revive like Savage to be hang'd agen ! In pity now thou shalt no longer live , For when thus satisfi'd , I can forgive . NOTES . ( a ) [ Ovid e're knew , or fiercer Oldhams store . ] Ovids curses on Ibis , and Oldhams on the Woman who ruin'd his Friend . ( b ) [ Mayst thou be maul'd with Pulchers Sexton's Sermon . ] The Sexton of St. Sepulchres Church , makes a kind of a preachment to such as go by to be hang'd . ( c ) [ Revive like Savage . ] One that was hang●d twice . A Pindaric Poem On Three Skipps of a Louse . 1. QUeen of all harmonious Things ! Cap'ring Words , and frisking Strings , What Hang'd Hero wilt thou sing ? What lowsy Rogue to equal Glories bring ? Ah! what could man do more ? I strove To teach my Strings of Thundring Iove ; Of long-nail'd Iuno , Scold Divine , Of Cerberus and Proserpine ; But all in vain , for in a Trice My mighty Hero's dwindled down to Lice : Go Charioteer ! the Coach prepare ! ( Or call a Coach if any's there ! ) My Muse forsooth must take the Air ; And we intend to rove Beyond the narrow Bounds of Nature , and of Iove . We 'll take a race Where light-cloath'd Nothings , and thin fantoms dwell , Beyond the narrow Bounds of time and place , Beyond the out-strecht Line of Farth , of Heaven , and Hell. 2. Pindaric Pegasus ! advance Now with the lofty Barbary proudly waving prance , And amble now Like a Galloping Cow ! But if thy Cross-grain'd Ladies will not l●nd ▪ Their winged Saddle-nag to ' blige a friend , If they lock up their Cellar all-divine , And will not spare one soop of Aganippe - Wine , Tell 'em I 'll get assistance nigher That soon shall mount me higher ; In Bedstaffs-twinkling I 'll be gone a To better Streams at Islington , Inspir'd from Sadlers Pump I 'le do , and dare As much as any motly drunken Doctor there , There boles of Helicon my Horse and I 'll carouse , And for the founder'd Iade mount my curretting Lowse . 3. So rides the great Mogul in State b When at proud Agra's trembling Gate , Met by each humble , as a Potentate ; VVith Flow'rs the Roads are pav'd , with Flow'rs the houses crown'd , And bruitish Mirth , and barb'rous joy runs all-along , Whilst he uplifted high Like a New Titan , scales the Sky . From that wild Mount of Flesh , whose Shoulders bear , Better than Aesops Eagles , Castles in the air . So a tall Ant in days of yore c A Bold adventurous Pigme bore . So , on my fair-neckt Louse securely set d Like great Astolfo , or little Pacolet , With Spur and Switch I make my Steed curvet . Hold , hold ! I 'me gone ! I 'me gone ! that leap has lost us : So Old-Nick sored away with Doctor Faustus . 4. Beyond th' attraction of dull Earth we 're born , Near the purple chambers of the Morn ; Now less , and less the lengthen'd Species grow ; Now , credit me , We hardly see Athos and Tenariff , and Michaels Mount below , e In Glass or brazen Chariot scarce so soon , f Nor with Domingo's Ganza's had we reach'd the Moon . There we discover Over and over g VVhat e're quick Azant or Hevelius saw ; VVithout their Glasses Her Lunatick Faces , Aetna's , and Land , and Sea , we in a Map could draw . But my poor Lowse more of its kind h Above could find , For all the Lowsie Woodcocks still were left behind , And therefore calmly dives to Earth again ; So Angels think themselves down thro' the airy Main . 5. O'er Hedge and Ditch , a Scholars , or a Hunters pace VVe run our hare-brain'd Race . From Post to Pillar I 'm like Epicurus hurl'd By all the Flaming Limits of the VVorld . VVhere e're we go By Friend , or Foe , We my Majestic Lowses Subjects found ; Armies of Beggars gay In Endless Sun-shine play , And Lice , as blithe as they In jolly Squadrons dance around . Thus did the Sprightly Youth , but those whom hoary age Had form'd more wise and sage Upon a Captive Comb plac'd round in State Declaim among the unexperienc'd Fry The Nitty Auditory listning by ; And all their Great Forefathers Deeds in greater Verse relate . 6. Then to my Lowses Pallace we draw nigh , ( For sure by all this it may with ease be understood , Mine was a Lowse of princely blood ) Where he in tryumph still remains Dragging Pilgarlick Death in Chains , And even in Church-yards obtains the Victory . When pale Death with harpy claws ( And huge unconscionable Jaws ) To the Sick the Curtain draws . And the Nurses softly tell Sad enquiring Friends - He 's well , They to the Church-yard follow him , and there With him they bury all their Love , and all their Care. My kind Lowse more kind and bold Hectors Death , and keeps his Hold , Keeps his Hold , or what 's as fair , Comes agen , and finds him there . Drives Sir Rawbones from the Stone , Claims the Marble all his own ; i 〈◊〉 his own Substance quickens mouldring Men , And makes 'em live , at least an Animals Life agen . 7. Now Heaven and Earth survey'd a dreadful leap we take Over the Sooty Stygian Lake ; My Lowse my Sybill was , and all as well I know not how k Without a half-penny , or a Golden bough , I like Aeneas travell'd Hell. We lookt , and lookt again , And lookt , and lookt with Care , But lookt , and lookt in vain , Nor could we find one House of Purgatory there : Those old descriptions fail Whose realms are chang'd And in another Method rang'd ; We Mountains find where we expect a flowry vale . 8. Into the Gulph at last my Palfray plung'd , t' explore Secrets to none but great Quevedo known before . So brave Empedocles at Aetna's flaming Hole ( The sight enough to melt a common Soul ) Leapt smiling in , with this undaunted Cry , To be a God 't is worth the while to die . So when the hungry Earth gap't wide And let in hateful Light , The trembling Ghost to fright In their own Realm of Night ; Curtius all arm'd to the black breach did ride ; He saw , and smiled with an unbroken mind Where all the quaking City sled , and scarce durst look behind : In sprung the noble Youth with this undaunted Cry , So Rome but live , and flourish , — Thus let Curtius dy . 9. Where am I now ? Bugbears , and sprights are there : l Here Kelly's Devils buz round me , Here Doctor Dees dumfound me ; Here 's Mephistophilus with Tail , and Horns , and Hair , m And each foul Fiend in Bartlomew Fair ; Sights which a stouter man than me might scare , But worse , far worse than Devils at the Gate , n Bands of Quevedo's hungry Taylors wait ; From A●ropos each stole a pair of Sheers , And gladly now to ensure his Head I 'd give my Louses Ears : Horridly gay their Teeth , and Nails were painted ore With flesh confus'd , and Skin , and Brains , and mingling Gore . Hunger , as well as Anger weapons makes ; His Bodkin this , and this his pond'rous yard , and this his Thimble takes : The Cannibals in dreadful order stood To murder and devour even their own Flesh and Blood ; To murder and devour my Louse , so wise , so great , so good : So conqu'ring Indians feed , and hope to find In their brave enemyes broil●d Corps the Vertues of his Mind . 10. Yet my undaunted Louse can scorn 'em all , He rears his strong Proboscis high , And does the unmanly rage defie Of each unequal enemy , And like himself intends to fall . o His Martial Soul peeps thro' his Alablaster Skin , The bloody drop moves quick , and beats a point of War within . Their tedious trembling Troops he do's to Combat call , Waits for each mortal blow , contemns each fatal pass , p And cryes , Pound on ! 't is but the husk of Anaxagoras . Whilst quaking Hell do's with concern the event attend , Least the sharp Conqu'rors should too rav'nous be , And in the Carra●e swallow me , I durst not stay the fight — but waked — and there 's an end . NOTES . ( a ) [ From Aganippe I 'll be gone , To better springs at Islington . ] The New Waters discover'd there the last Summer . ( b ) [ When at proud Agra's trembling Gate . ] Agra is one of the Great Moguls Royal Cities ; he uses to ride on a white Elephant . ( c ) [ So a tall Ant in days of yore , A poor adventurous Pigmee bore . ] Read the story , thus ingeniously describ'd in Mr. Crashaw . — " High mounted on an Ant , Nanus the Tall , " Was thrown alas ! and got a deadly fall : " Under the unruly Beasts proud feet he lies , " All torn ; with much ado before he dyes , " Yet strains these Words — Base envy do ! laugh on , " Thus did I fall , and thus fell Phaeton . ( d ) [ Like great Astolfo , or little Pacolet . ] A couple of expeditious Gentlemen ( as well mounted as the Witch in Paudaemonium ) Astolfo in Orlando Furioso on a Griffith : Pacolet in the famous and renowned Chronicle of Valentine and Orson , on a Wooden Horse . ( e ) [ In Glass or Brazen chariot scarce so soon , ( f ) Nor with Domingo's Ganza's had we reacht the Moon . ] You see Reader , other folks have had their Maggots as well as your Humble Servant . Two Bishops have wrote expresly of this new Plantation , and the way to sayl thither . One by making a Globe of Glass , or Brass lighter than the Atmosphere , which must therefore naturally ascend : The other by a way perhaps as practicable as the former , by harnessing a certain number of Fowl , called by the Spaniards [ Ganza's ] on which he makes Signior Domingo hoisted thither . ( g ) [ What e're quick Azant , or Hevelius saw ] Two famous Astronomers , one in France , the other in Denmark . ( h ) [ For all the lowsy Woodcocks still were left behind ] Vid. Where you can find it , this account . When any of the Woodcocks remain behind , the main body returning at Summer to the Land of the Moon , they are reported to be all lowsy . ( i ) [ In his own Substance quickens mouldring men A vulgar observation — that dead Bodies in time turn all to perfect Lumps of Lice . ( k ) Without a Sybill , or a Golden bough . ] Both which are necessary to one that intends a visit to the Infernal Regions — ask Virgil else . ( l ) [ Here Kellys Devils buz round me , Here Dr. Dee's dumfound me ] See Dr. Casauban's account of those Spirits with whom Dr. d ee and Kelly had contracted so intimate a Correspondence . Very good natur'd Devils it seems , for they perswaded the Conjurers to sw●p Wives , as a necessary Ceremony in their Magical operations . ( m ) [ Here 's Mephistophilus with Tayl , and Horns and Hair. ] A Thundering Devil that , Dr. Faustus's familiar . See his Life . ( n ) [ Bands of Quevedo's hungry Taylors wait . ] Scarce any body but has read Quevedo's Visions of Hell , nor can any that have read 'em sure forget how over●stockt he m●kes the sooty regions with that kind of Cattle . ( o ) [ His martial Soul peeps thro' his Alablaster skin , The Bloody drop — ] No Creature in the world so testy as a Lowse . In a Microscope , one drop of Blood is seen passing up and down very nimbly in the nature of a pulse . ( p ) [ And crys , pound on ! 't is but the husk of Anaxagoras . ] I would entreat any that know that hard-named Gentleman's right Name to keep silence , for ' t would ' spoyl the Rhyme sadly if this should be blotted out , and that inserted . FINIS ▪