Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised. 1669 Approx. 203 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 90 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A66812 Wing W3237 ESTC R12699 12592170 ocm 12592170 63979 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A66812) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 63979) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 970:16) Witty apophthegms delivered at several times, and upon several occasions by King James, King Charls, the Marquess of Worcester, Francis Lord Bacon, and Sir Thomas Moor ; collected and revised. Bayly, Thomas, d. 1657? James I, King of England, 1566-1625. Selections. 1669. Charles I, King of England, 1600-1649. Selections. 1669. Worcester, Henry Somerset, Marquis of, 1577-1646. Selections. 1669. Bacon, Francis, 1561-1626. Selections. 1669. More, Thomas, Sir, Saint, 1478-1535. Selections. 1669. [6], 168 p. Printed by W.R. for Matthew Smelt, and are to be sold at his shop ..., London : 1669. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng English wit and humor. 2002-02 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-02 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-03 TCP Staff (Oxford) Sampled and proofread 2002-05 Apex CoVantage Rekeyed and resubmitted 2002-06 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2002-06 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-07 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Wittie APOPHTHEGMES of K Iames K Charles E of Worcest●● Lo Bacon & Sr Tho. More Reuiued WITTY Apophthegms DELIVERED At Several Times , and upon Several Occasions , BY King James , King Charls , The Marquess of Worcester , Francis Lord Bacon , and Sir Thomas Moor. Collected and Revised . LONDON , Printed by W. R. for Matthew Smelt , and are to be sold at his Shop , next to the Castle , near Meorgate , 1669. TO THE READER . Courteous Reader , HEre is presented to thy View , the timely fruit of those once Famous Monarchs , and Peers of this Realm , whose yet living Fame for Majestick Wisdom and high Discretion , is able still to gain them life and glory , maugre all the dirt , and filth , which this ungrateful Age hath flung both upon their Persons and works . I should but hold a Candle to the Sun , if I should go about to say any thing of their excellent use and worth : only thus much I assure thee , that these Apophthegms , which for the singular Wisdom that is in them are worthy of Record , are collected with exactness and choice , and now published for the profit and delight of all those that are willing to search into this store-house of Wit and Wisdom . Vale. ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. IAMES . 1. THat it is a Maxim in the Romish Religion , declared by most of their own writers , that the Pope may if he will , at one Mass free all the souls out of Purgatory : his Majesties inference on this Position was , with ●…bnegation of the Popes charity , and admiration of his unparalelled cruelty , that being granted , to have a power so to do , dot●… not nor may not apply his will unto it . 2. That the wearing of Leeks on Saint Davids day by the Welshmen , was a good , honourable , and commendable fashion , seeing that all memorable Acts have by the Agents something worn for distinction , and also to preserve the memory thereof unto posterity : even as the Passeover was to the Jews , that when their children should ask why they were girded with staves in their hands , they might shew them the cause ; so the Welshmen in commemoration of the great fight by the black Prince of Wales , do wear Leeks as the●…r chosen Ensign . 3. Doctor Baily holding conference with the King touching the Popes Arrogancy , alluding to Christs answer to his Apostles ; He that desires to bear Rule , let him be the least amongst you , and therefore the Pope doth sometimes colourably term himself servant of servants : to which the King replyed , that by such an inference he could prove the Pope to be humbly minded , to which the Doctour answered , that he did not alwayes so account himself , save only when he had purpose to deceive , otherwise he esteemed himself Lord of Lords . His Majesties determination was , that the Popes calling himself servant of servants , was rather in a more strict and peculiar sense , as that he was a servant of his Church , and so by consequence , the servant of the servants of God , but towards all other , Lord of Lords ; so likewise to be a professed Catholick , is to be a true Christian , but to be a Roman Catholick is it , which marreth the matter . 4. That whereas our Saviour saith it is as easie for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle , as for a rich man to enter into the Kingdome of heaven , the Pope perverteth that saying , for that none shall have no pardons , but such as pay for them : so consequenly the rich are more easie to enter into heaven then the poore , because the one can have pardons when he will , but the other is not able to purchase it , and thereupon his Majesty concluded the Pope to be justly called a Merchant of mens souls , as is set forth in the 18. of the Revelation . 5. His Majesty observed a quaint interrogatory put to a jealous Lover , out of that famous Comedy of Ignoramus , the which his Majesty highly commended , viz. whether he desired most , or rather to be termed Publius Cornelius , or Cornelius Tacitus ; in further approbation of which Comedy , besides in opposition and dislike of another Comedy performed and acted before his Majesty by the Scholars of the University of Oxford , that as in Cambridge one Sleep made him wake ; so in Oxford , one Wake made him sleep . 6. That Tobacco was the lively image & pattern of hell , for that it had by allusion in it all the parts and vices of the world wherby hell may be gained ; to wit first it was a smoak , so are the vanities of this world . Secondly , it delighteth them who take it , so do the pleasures of the world delight the men of the world . Thirdly , it maketh men drunken , and light in the head ; so do the vanities of the world , men are drunken therewith . Fourthly , he that taketh Tobacco , saith he cannot leave it , it doth bewitch him : even so the pleasures of the world make men loath to leave them , they are for the most part so inchanted with them : and further , besides all this , it is like hell in the very substance of it ; for it is a stinking loathsom thing , and so is hell : and further , his Majesty professed , that were he to invite the Devil to a dinner , he should have these three dishes . 1. a Pig , 2. a Pole of Ling , and Mustard , and 3. a pipe of Tobacco for digestare . 7. That he had heard an old Minister say , touching conformity , that it would be a scandal for him to conform , and yet will allow that his son may do it , as if he living a fool all his life , desired so to die . 8. Heaven is governed by order , and all good Angels there ; nay , hell it self could not well subsist without some order , and the very devils are divided into Legions , and have their Captains . How can any Society then upon earth subsist without order or degrees ? 9. That the often mentioning of Abraham , Isaac and Jacob in the Scripture , is to signifie that we should celebrate the memory of good men above others , and of all men above beasts . 10. That all humane Laws cannot be perfect , but that some must rest in the discretion of the Judge , although an innocent man do perish thereby : as his Majesty further conceived , that a Jury may cast upon evidence , and a Judge may give a just sentence , yet the party innocent . 11. We should not be like the Puritans in our prayers , who speak to God , as to their fellows , and sit at Christs Table , as with their companions . Let us joyn reverence with the sweet confidence we have in Gods love . 12. That no man can thrive that keepeth a whore at Rack and Manger , to sit openly with justification . That to rove is proper to expresse the action of the body , but to rave is an action of the mind . 13. His Majesty would not admit publick , disputation betwixt twelve Papists , and twelve Protestants , himself being chosen umpire , because he might lose more , that would not be satisfied , then he could win , although the Papists side were convicted : and further his Majesty declared , that in 88 , he almost converted a Papist , untill my new convert heard of the Spanish Invasion . 14. Vertue is easier then vice , or the essential difference betwixt vice and vertue , is truth and falshood ; and it is easier and lesse pa●…s to tell truth then a lye , and for vices of the senses custom is all in all ; for to one that hath lived honestly , it is as much shame to commit sin , as for another to abstain . 15. The art of Physicians is very imperfect , for I doubt not but for every disease , there is in nature a several simple , if they could find it out , so that these compounds do rather shew their ignorance then their knowledge . 16. The Popish Religion is like ●…mers Iliads of the siege of Troy , or Virgils Aene des of the beginning of Rome , both of them had a foundation of truth , so had the Papists of the Bible , but they have all added so much , that the first truth is almost lost . 17. That Monarchicall Government by Secular Kings and Priests , is the only Ordinance of God , and the Republick only a depraved institution of man for depraved ends , as appears manifestly by the whole current of Scripture , even from Adam to the Primitive Church after Christ. 18. A Preacher preaching before his Majesty on the 29. Psalm , that I offend not in my tongue , he could have wished might have bin before so many women , because they are most unruly therein . 19. That there were many wayes to find out truth besides evidence of reall witnesse , as it was in the businesse of Mr. Haddock , who was reputed good , yet was found at last a great oflender , whereupon his Majesty replyed , the case in him was not after his meaning , and thereupon insisted further to exemplifie his offence , confessing the same to be high & capital in respect of God and man , meaning Mr. Haddock , who preached in his sleep , that his Majesty did God and the Countrey good service , in discovering that man. 2. That his practice was diabolical & a new way to sin , that his Majesty never heard of before . 3. That he did therein practice against God himself , in that he did endeavour to make his own inventions as the oracle of God , and by that means to bind mens consciences thereto to believe . 4. That his Majesty discovered him by his own papers and notes which were brought unto the King , the which Mr. Haddock confessed to be his own hand-writing , and the notes of his Sermon which men say he preached in his sleep , but for answer thereunto , said he only noted his Sermons first in writing , and so in the night dreamed thereof , and of the same thing that he had penned before , but by his answer his Majesty convinced him upon his own experience concerning dreams and visions in the night , that things studied or mentioned in the day time may be dreamed of in the night , but always irregularly , without order , but not as his Sermons were , both good and learned , as in particular in that very Sermon which he preached before his Majesty in his sleep , concernin Davids waters , Psalm 69. where in he treated . 1. physically , then theologically , which is not usual in dreams so to do . 5. That Mr. Haddocks sin being granted for liberty , and good , then would all sinnes bee protected and allowed , as blasphemy against God , Treason against the King , slander against any man ; and at last all defended under colour of being asleep : and further his Majesty declared his opinion , that the reason that moved the aforesaid Mr. Haddock to put in practice his preaching in his sleep did proceed from two natural infirmities , to which he was subject , the one was stammering in speech , so finding himself more ready to speak being quiet in his bed , and his eyes shut from any object to trouble his mind , he could utter himself more perfectly . The second reason was his practice to talk in his sleep : these two as the King conceived , put him on to that soul practise and illusion of Sathans . 20. The King professed , that he would chuse rather to turn Turk , then in some fables to believe Bollarmine : and further declared on this subject , that miracles , as now used and maintained amongst the Papists , to the end to confirm a false belief on Saints , according as at first Christ used miracles to cause and confirm a true belief on himself , as is further declared in this story of a popish miracle . In Naples , one of the chief Cities in Italy , in a time of a famous siege which it endured , the Viceroy thereof made a severe order , wherein it was death for any man above and under such an age to walk without a sword in any parts throughout the City , which not long time had passed before it happened , that as himself and train was riding through the streets to see how well this order was put in execution , that he espied a Gentleman without a sword , which being brought before him the order was read , and die he must for contempt , and accord●…ng to the order he was to be hanged upon the next sign post : the Gentleman pleaded several things in his own behalf , which were availing , and seeing he must die , desired this favour of the Viceroy , that he might not die so ignominious a death as to be hanged , but that as he was a Gentleman , so he might die like a Gentleman , & therefore did desire ●…hat the next Gentleman that past by , with his sword might run him through , which request being so reasonable , the Viceroy could not in civility deny him , and so prorogued the execution till the next came , which was to do the businesse , which was not long before one appeared , and exactly qual●…ied for the business . , Now you must take notice , that this man that came on , had n●…ly come from a gaming house , imomach that he had lost all , even the very ●…ade of his sword , and in regard of that severe order d●…st not go home , untill a woodden one was fi●…ed to ●…ast and ●…bard ; so being stopt , the dying Gentlemans req●…st was said op●…n unto him , which knowing his own ●…fficiency for that 〈◊〉 , so star●…led him , that he fained and took on 〈◊〉 terms as these , What make a common Executioner of me ? what , stun my b●…od to Eternity ? with 〈◊〉 like , w●… all proving 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 he was hard prest to it , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Viceroy , and the dying Gentleman , he waved all further excuses , and prepared himself to the work , and so putting off his loose garments , he began his work , with a prayer to this effect , O Lord God , which seest all the transactions here below , judge I pray thee the right of those that suffer wrong , and in an especial manner grant , that if this man here ought not to dye , may this my sword be turned into wood , so plucking it forth , and it being accordingly as we mentioned before , the dying Gentleman was released with abundance of joy : the woodden sword was carried with much solemnity , and hung up in the Cathedral Church , as a true link to the chain of Popish miracles . 22. Let no man think that he may frame and make his wife as he pleaseth , that deceived Solomon , the wisest King that ever was . 23. That his Majesty confested , that he read more Popish books than Protestant , and from thence findeth matter to confirm him in the Protestant Religion : and he farther related , that he stiled a book once being sent him by the name of Melchisedeck , being without beginning or ending . 24. That many learned writers have recorded things for truth , which experience hath falsified : as for instance , his Majesty gave his own experience touching the worms found in a Stags head , which are reported to dy , if put into water , but will live in wine , the which being tryed , they live equally in both . 25. If the Pope may erre as a man , but not as a Pope , I would know why the Pope doth not instruct or reform the man , or wherefore the man doth not require the Popes instruction . 26. Not only the deliverance of the Jews till they came to the Land of promise , but even their daily preservation was miraculous ; for there was never any noted plague in Jerusalem , though it stood in a hot Climate , which had it been , would have endangered the whole Nation , it being to assemble thither twice every year of necessity . 27. That to have any imployment in any Republick in that State is dangerous , for do he well or ill , he is sure to rue it , and he speedeth best that doth worst , like a Scottish Tale , I have heard of one that never sped well amongst the Lawyers when he had a good cause , because he then least suspected it , & the other side bribed and countermanded , & so the greatest carried it for the most part , even so in Republicks . 28 That a Germane was naturally most constant to himself , for although he could well fashion himself to any Countrey he travelled unto , yet returning home to his own , he would appear to any mans judgment , nothing changed from the manner and condition of his own Nation , and so in him is most truly fulfilled this saying , That the Heathen change not , but all persons and things here below are subject to change , but with the English or any other Nation , it is otherwise ; nay , farther on this subject , his Majesty said , that a Frenchman though never so grave and sober of countenance , yet one time or other would have his frisk of vanity . 29. That he is not of opinion , that all speeches in Scripture , touching beasts or sowls , by allegory , doth agree with the proper and peculiar nature of them , as of that , Be nise as Serpents , or that comparison of the Ostrich , that seemeth to neglect her young by leaving her eggs in the dust , which is not the proper nature of them , as hath been approved by Barbary Merchants , that have seen them , but itseems so outwardly , because she hideth her eggs in the sand , and so removeth a little from them , but for no other end , but to protect them , that at the time of need , and in the hatching to break the shell , which of it self cannot . 30. Sir Francis Kinaston by experience falsified the Alchimist report , that a hen being fed for certain days with gold , beginning when Sol was in Leo , should be coverted into gold , and should lay golden eggs , which be●…ng tryed , was no such thing , but became indeed very'sat ; his Majesties conceit thereupon was , that surely somewhat was omitted in Sir. Francis experiment , to wit , he wanted faith to believe , as himself did always in the like , or such matters , but one thing more might have been ●…added more amply to satisfie the experiment ; 〈◊〉 the Cock had been first fed with gold , and afterwards have trodden the hen , might happily have succeeded the better . 31. That upon report made to his Majesty of a Goose that loved a man , that it would never be from him , wheresoever he went , and upon occasion would guard him from offence , whereupon his Majesty remembred the Goose of the Capitol ; and further he said , he thought it as easie to prove the deceit of the aforesaid Goose from that Goose of the Capitol , as the Heralds now adayes for gain do prove the deceit of the Gentlemen of these times . 32. Whether boldness or bashfulness did soonest prevail in Court ? his Majesties opinion was , that bashfulness did , alluding to the Lord Duke of Buckingham , who at his first coming to Court , exceeded in bashfulness , and when his Majesty had cast his eye upon him , the Lord of Arundel being asked by his Majesty what he thought of him , he answered , that his blushing bashfulness was such , as he thought he would do but little good in Court favours . 33. That if there were no other quarrel between the Papists and the Pro●…estants , but the number of Sacraments he himself would be a Papist : for he held it not worth the quarrelling , as appeared by a Tale of two friends in Scotland , being great in friendship , and in their cups falling out about that subject , the one a great Papist , and the other a Protestant , so they fought and were both slain : a third said , before he would have lost his life in that quarrel he would have divided the seven into three and twenty & half to end that controversie . 34. That he would never use any other Argument to convince the Papists of their opinion of Miracles , but by their own Doctrine , whereunto most of their miracles are altogether repugnant : as for example , a fable they have that the picture of our Lady should stir ; their Doctrine is , that these images are but Representative , now what disproportion appeareth between their opinion and their Doctrine ? 35. God is never better honoured , than in giving him true worship : the King at that time declared himself resolved alwayes to kneel at the Sacrament , and that for to testifie his humility towards God , being a King , and the rather for example sake to others that are set under him , he said he would not have willingly a gout in the knee , alluding to Doctor Lawds Sermon on that subject a little before , and his Majesty confessed the gout of the knee very troublesom , and that by a particular experiment of his own upon an accidental hurt , which he received on his foot at New-Market , being to receive the holy Communion on Christmas-day following , and resolved to take the same kneeling as aforesaid , provoked his whole body into a very great sweat , and anguish , and therefore concluded the gout in the knee to be a main impediment for sacred duties ; and further said he , Shall we not exceed the Turks , who in their false worship , do fall down flat on their faces , rise often in the night to perform their false worship ? and this they are injoyned to do , or otherwise they account themselves damned . 36. That it was strange to look into the life of Henry the eighth , how like an Epicure he lived . It was once demanded by King Henry the eighth , of one , what he might do to be saved ? who answered , that he had no cause to fear , having lived so mighty a King , and done so many worthy acts in his life time : but oh , said he , I have lived too like a King , which King James inferred was rather like no King ; for the office of a King is to do justice and equity , but he only served his sensuality like a beast . 37. No Country can be called rich , wherein there is war , as in the low Countries , there is much money , but the Souldiers have it in pay from the Governours , the Boors have it for victuals of the Souldiers , the Governors have it from them again in Taxes , so there is no center , no honour . 38. That it hath like operation to make women learned , and to make foxes tame , which teacheth them only to steal more cunningly , the possibility is not equal , for where it doth one good , it doth twenty harm . 39. On an espousal of marriage , his Majesty let ●…all this silver saying , that Parents might forbid their children an unfit match , but they may not force their consent to a fit . 40. The Devil alwayes avoids the mean , and waits upon extremity : so hath he alwayes sought to delude the world betwixt Atheism and Superstition . On extremity of war , his Majesty further observed , that no man gains by war , but he that hath not wherewith to live in peace . 41. All extremities come round to one end , the simple obedience of the Papists , and the non-obedience of the P●…ritans , the one bred confusion , the other ignorance and security . 42. There was a politick Sermon , that had no divinity in it that was preached before K. James , the King as he came forth , said to Bishop Andrews , call you this a Sermon ? The Bishop answered , & it may please your Majesty , by a charitable construction it may be a sermon 43. Bishop Andrews was asked by King James at the first coming over of the Bishop of Spalato , whether he were a Protestant or no : he answered , truly I know not , but he is a detestant of divers opinions of Rome . 44. An ill name may be free from dishonesty , but not from some folly , we should not only be free from 〈◊〉 but from suspition ; for it is not enough to be well lived , but well reported , and oftentimes weighty matters , are as much coloured by reputation , as substance . 45. Misfortunes are not acceptable in any kind , yet those are endured with most ease , that come rather by destiny than deserving . 46. Cresus said to Cambyses , that peace was better than war , because in peace the sons did bury their fathers , but in wars , the fathers did bury their sons . 47. Justice should be blind and friendless ; it is not by it , that those that be in authority should reward their friends , or cross their enemies . 48. Cato Major was wont to say , that wise men learned more by fools , than fools by wise men , as appears by this following example : a certain Duke kept a fool , the Duke falling sick of a quartane ague , it in a short time came to pass , that the distemper grew to that height , that his Physicians gave it forth that nothing would cure him of that malady , but a great fright , which thing coming to the fools ear , he waited an opportunity to effect a cure for the Duke , which he thus brought about , taking notice in what part of his garden he used frequently to walk in near a River , he got himself into a hollow ●…ree near hand , and when the Duke was ●…ast by him , he rusheth forth , & thrusts ●…im into the river , & calls out to those that waited aloof off , look to your Duke , or he will be drown'd else , so they ●…un with all speed , & pluckt him forth , ●…nd in two or three dayes , the Duke was perfectly recovered , the fool absents ●…imself , for fear , but after a years absence ●…eturns to Court , where being brought ●…efore the Duke , the Duke aggravates his fault to him , and told him , that on the morrow he should dye for it ; the fool replyed , that he thought the Duke no harm by it , and many words to the like purpose ; but all not serving , he the next morning appeared on a Scaffold the Duke had caused to be erected , to lose his head ; so the hour being come , the fool laid his head on the block , & as the Duke had appointed , instead of cutting his head off , he caused warm water to be poured upon his neck , and the fool with very fear expired , to the great grief of the Duke , who broke forth into this expression upon it , That it was wisdom for fools to jest with wise men , but the greatest folly in the world , for wise men to jest with fools . ROYAL APOPHTHEGMS OF K. CHARLS . 1. AFflictions cannot be esteemed with wise and godly men any argument of sin in an innocent person , more than the ●…mpunity of wicked men is amongst good men any sure token of their innocency . 2. That in the direct worship of God himself , we ought to be guided by the word of God , and not otherwise , but in the form and order of Ceremonies , that indeed is solely left to the Church . 3. When the King first entered the Castle of Ragland , the Marquess kissed the Kings hand , and rising up again , he saluted his Majesty with this complement , my Lord , I am not worthy : the King replyed unto the Marquess , my Lord , I may wel answer you again , I have not found so great faith in Israel , for no man would trust me with so much money as you have done : to which the Marquess replyed , I hope your Majesty will prove a Defender of the faith . 4. Prepare for war when thou propoundest for peace , otherwise thy peace will be hardly obtained , or too highly prized , whatever thy first Article be , let disbanding be the last . A cunning Cur , though he wag his tail will shew his teeth , the best Treaty is with a drawn sword , and the safest peace is concluded under a buckler . 5. As it is one of the most convincing Arguments , that there is a God , whilst his power sets bounds to the raging of the Sea , so it is no less that he restrains the madness of the people , nor doth any thing portend more Gods displeasure against a Nation , then when he suffers confluence and clamours of the vulgar to pass all boundaries of Law , and reverence to authority . 6. The Devil of Rebellion doth commonly turn himself into an Angel of Reformation . 7. When King Charls had made his repair to Rapland , after the Battel of Naseby , taking occasion to thank the Marquess for some mony lent his Majesty , the Marquess returned his Majesty this answer , Sir I had your word for my money , but I never thought I should be so soon repaid , for now you have given me thanks , I have all I look for . 8. The lower sort of people are desirous of novelties , and apt for change , weighing Government with the scales of their own fortune , they are too ser●…iole of evils in present , to fear worse in future , let such ●…now they move in their particular orbs , not in the common sphere , and that the alteration in the heavens makes no star greater , which way soever the change moves , a Cobler shall be bat a Cobler still . 9. It is a Princely alchimy out of necessary wars to extract an honourable peace , and more beseeming the Majesty ●…f a Prince to thirst after peace than Conquest . Blessedness is promised to the Peace-maker , not to the Conque●…or . It is a happy State whose peace ●…th a peaceful ●…nd , and a Martial heart , able both to use peace , ●…and to ●…anage war. 10. Upon a discourse of the singular parts , which Doctor John Donne Dean of Pauls , was indowed withal , he took occasion to speak of his marriage , who marrying into a rich and honourable Family , being much above his Degree , and against his wives fathers consent , insomuch that the father would give her no Portion , which the Doctor then perceiving , took his Pen and writ ( and sent it to the old man ) in this manner , John Donne , Anne Donne , undone , which wrought good effects on the old man. 11. Aristippus being accused by a strumpet for having go●… her with child●… answered , thou mayest as well going through a thorn hedge tell certainly which thorn pricked thee . 12. His Majesty being very wel●… grounded in the true Protestant Religion , in a Discourse concerning Sectaries , said truly , That there were bu●… two good sentences in a Sectaries sermon , the first of necessity good , whic●… is the Text , the second by consequent which is the end , and thereby an en●… of an impertinent Discourse . 13. The merits of a deserving Lad●… would serve her for a Protection amongst the savage Indians , whilst their rudeness and barbarity knows not so perfectly to hate all vertues , as some mens subtilty doth . 14. God blessed the modest respect and filial tenderness , which Noahs sonnes bear to their father , nor did his open infirmity justifie Chams impudency , nor exempt him from that curse of being servant of servants , which curse must needs be on them who seek by dishonourable actions to please the vulgar , and confirm by igno●…le acts their dependance upon the people . 15. A Bishop rising up in arms against his Prince , was overthrown , and himself being then clad in Armour , was taken prisoner , and by the Kings express command clapt up : the Pope hearing of it , sends to the King , complaining or breach of the Church-priviledges , that one o●… her sons should be imprisoned : the King sends back the Messenger , and with him the Armour taken from the Bishop , desiring the Pope to send him word , whether those were the garments of any of his sons . 16. Popular tumults , are not like a storm at Sea , which yet wants no●… its ●…erroar , ●…ut like an earth-quake , shaking the very foundations of all , then which nothing in the world hath more horror . 27. It matters not much , whether in Government thou tread the steps of severe Hannibal , or gentle Scipio , so thy actions be honourable , and thy life vertuous , both in the one and in the other , there is defect and danger , if not corrected and supported by the fair repute of some extraordinary indowments : No matter black or white , so the Steed good . 28. That it is an hardiness beyond true valour , for a wise man to set himself against the breaking in of a Sea , which to effect at present threatens imminent danger , but to withdraw gives it space to spend its fury , and gains a fitter time to repair the breach . Certainly a gallant man had rather fight to get disadvantages for number and place in the field in an orderly way , than se ussle with an indisciplin'd Rabble . 29. Sir Henry Bard , who was Lord Bellameunt , coming into the Hall of Ragland , and seeing so many Tables furnished with food , and seeders , sware that his Majesty had a plo●… to destroy that Family , first in borrowing all the old mans money , and then in coming thus to eat up his victuals : which h●…s Majesty hearing smiled at : but the Marquess asked the man who made the relation unto him , of what Garison the Lord Bellameunt was Governour ; it was told his Lordship , that he was Governour of Cambden house ; the Marquess replyed , that when the King had done as he said , that then his Majesty m●…ght go to his Garison , and there he m●…ght have Cambdens Remains . 30. There be three sorts of Government , Monarchical , Historical , Democratical , and they are apt to fall three several wayes into ruine . The first by Tyranny , the second by ambition , the last by t●…mulr . A Common-weal grounded upon any of these , is but of short continuance , but being wisely mingled , either guard the other , and makes the government exact . 31. A certain Court Lady , being very extravagant in all pleasures of this life , was admonished to steer another course , and being prest hard by the Minister , of the van●…ty of all earthly things set forth so fully by Solomon , she answered , What tell you me of Solom●…n ? Solomon never said they were vanity ●…ntil he had tried them , even so will I do , and then I will tell you my judgement of them : His Majesties opinion of it was , That she was led more by sense than faith . 32. The Mahometans live in such exemplary concord , that they seldom break into ill language , but if they do so , a third man will reprove them , with a Fye Mussel-man fall out ! and all is appeased , h●…s Majesties determination on this was , That Christianity would be far more be●…ful than it is , if it could be brought to such a degree of perfection . 33. A man being a great observer of Dreams , dreamed , that all Dreams were vain ; which when he awoke , he was in a maze to consider of it ; but at last recollecting himself , he thought that if all Dreams were vain , then this was vain and all the rest true ; but them again , if this Dream was true , then all his other Dreams were vain ; so in this labyrinth I leave him . His majesties judgment on it was , That dream had much altered the case of his former judgment on that subject . 34. Sir John Hotham a notable monument of unprosperous disloyalty teached the world by so sad and unfortunate a spectacle , that the rude carriage of a subject towards his Soveraign carries alwayes its own vengeance , as an unseparable shadow with it . 35. Some men have so much of the Serpents subtilty , that they forget the Doves simplicity . 36. No men are prone to be greater Tyrants , and more rigorous exactors upon others to conform to their illegal novelties , than such whose pride was formerly least disposed to the obedience of lawful constitutions , and whose licentious humours most pretended conscientious liberties . 37. In the war , the King came to a Castle , and told the Lord thereof , that he thought not to have stayed with his Lordship above 3. days , but his occasion requiring a longer stay , and considering that it was a Garrison , and that his provision might be spent by so great a pressure , was willing his Lordship should take what provision the Countrey would afford for his present maintenance , and recruit●… to which his Lordship answered ; I humbly tha●… 〈◊〉 Majesty , but my 〈◊〉 will never stand 〈◊〉 , i●… it le●…ns upon the 〈◊〉 , & I had rather be brought to a m●…rsel of bread , than any m●…rsels of bread should be brought in to cu●…in your M●…sty . 38. Carry a watchful eye upon dangers till they come to ripeness , and when they are ripe , let loose a speedy hand , he that expects them too long , meets them too late , and he that meets them too soon , gives advantage to the evil . Commit their beginning to Argus his eyes , and their ends to Br●…areus hands , and than art safe . 39. Fortune hath no power over wisdom , but of sensuality , and of Lives that swim and navigate without the loadstone of discretion and Judgment . 40. Aristarchus scoffingly said , That in old time hardly could be found seven wise men throughout the world , but in one day , quoth he , much ado there is to find so many fools . 41. After Antigenus had been sick a long time of a lingring disease , and well recovered again , We have , said he , got no harm by this long sickness ; for th●…s hath taught us not to be so proud , by p●…tting us in mind , that we are but mortal : his Majesties determination of it was , That were he real , he had by it learned a most divine Less●…n . 42. That an infallid thing may be discerned and known by a fallid means : As for example , our senses are fallid , but by them we know many things infallid ; whence the Papists inferre , that because the Church is visible , therefore the chief head must be visible . The universal Church consisteth of two parties , the one visible , the other invisible ; to wit , a visible body , and an invisible spirit , and therefore the chief head of the Church should rather be visible , but we grant many visible substitutes over the Church , as subordinate Rulers under the chief . 43. Sir Thomas Somerset , brother to the Marquess of Worcester , had a house which they called Troy , five miles from Ragland Castle : this Sir Thomas being a compleat Gentleman of himself , delighted himself much in fine Gardens and Orchards , where by the benefit of art the earth was made so graceful to him at the same time , that the King happened to be at his brothers house , that it yielded him wherewithal to send his brother Worcester a present , and such an one as the time & place considered was ●…ble to make the King to believe , that the Soveraign of the Planets had new changed the Poles , and that Woles , the re●…use and outcast of the fair Garden of England , had fairer and riper fruit than Englands bowels had on all her beds , this presented to the Marquess , the Marquess would not suffer to be presented to the King , by any other hand than his own , in comes the Marquess at the latter end of Sapper , led by the arm , with a slow pace , expressing much a Spanish gravity , with a silver dish in each hand filled with rarities , and a little basket on his arm , as a reserve , where making his obeysance , he thus speaks , May it please your Majesty , if the four Elements could have been robd to have entertained your Majesty , I think I had but done my duty ; but I must do as I may , if I had sent to Bristol for some good things to entertain your Majesty , that had been no wonder at all , if I had procured from London some goodness , that might have been acceptable to your Majesty , but here I present your Majesty ( placing his dishes upon the Table ) with what , that came not from Lincoln , that was not London , that is not York that is to be , but I assure your Majesty , that this Present came from Troy ; whereupon the King smiled , and answered the Marquess , Truly my Lord , I have heard , That corn now grows where Troy Town stood , but I never thought there had grown any Apricocks there before . Whereupon the Marquess replyed , any thing to please your Majesty : when my Lord Marquess departed the presence , one told his Lordsh●…p , that he would make a very good Courtier , the Marquess said , I remember I said one thing that may give you some hopes of me , Any thing to please your Majesty . 44. The first night his Majesty came into Rag●…and Castle , the King desired to see the great Tower , where his Lordship did use to keep his Treasure , his Majesty spake au●…o Doctor Baily then standing by to fetch the keys ; he ran down to the Marquess and acquainted him with the Kings pleasure , who would needs bring them to the King , and shew him the Tower himself : when the King saw the Marquess bringing the keys himself , he ●…aus spake unto the Marquess , My Lord , there are some men so unreasonable , as to make me believe , that your Lordship hath good store of gold yet lest within t●…s Tower , but I knowing how I have exhausted you , together 〈◊〉 your own occasions , could never have believed it until now I see you will not trust the keyes with any but your self : to which the Marquess made this reply , Sir , I was so far from giving your Majesty any such occasion of thought by this tender of my duty that I protest unto you , that I was once resolved that your Majesty should have lain there , but that I was loath to commit your Majesty to the Tower. 45. When the King first entred the gates of Ragland , the Marquess delivered his Majesty the keyes according to the ordinary custom , the King restoring them to the Marquess , the Marquess said , I beseech your Majesty to keep them if you please , for they are in a good hand , but I am afraid that ere it be long , I shall be forced to deliver them into the hands of those who will spoil the Complement . 46. H●…s Majesty professed that he could not fix his love on one that was never angry ; for as he that is without sorrow is without gladness ; so he that is without Anger , is without Love. 47. Upon discourse of life , his Majesty observed that it was one of the fol●…es of man , that when he was full of dayes , and near his end , that then he should love life most . 48. Cato said , to which his Majesty assents , That the lest way to keep good Acts in memory , was to refresh them with new . 49. King Charls coming to Ragland , it being when the tall Cedar of our Lebanon was brought so low , and those Sycomores flourished , when the Royal Oak was in the fall of the leaf , it happened that his Majesty was at bowls upon Ragland Castle Green , a place proudly situated , where after he had ended his Recreation , his Majesty was pleased to delight himself with observing the Co●…ntrey round about , it happened , that one Prichard , the Kings partner at bowls , presuming more upon his good bowling , than good manners , continued that familiarity , that should have ended with the rubbers , shewing the King where his house stood , & told his Majesty that he must look through the wood , and he might see a white thing , and that was it : moreover acquainted his Majesty , what the Lord of Wercester had advised him , viz. to cut down some of those trees , that the house might plainly be discerned from the Green , whereby his Lordship when he wanted a good bowler , might make a sign , and so have him at a beck : to which the King replyed , Mr. Prichard , let me give you better advice , put up more trees where the trees are so thin , that my Lord of Worcester may not see thy house at all . The Marquess of Worcester supposing the King had dreamed of this greediness , of purchasing all the Land which was near unto him , shewed his Majesty a row of trees , and told the King , that beyond that row of trees stood a pretty Tenement , and because he would not have Naboths vineyard to be an eye-sore to him , he had planted those trees to hoodwink his eyes from such temptations . 50 God made one part of man of earth , the basest element , to teach him 〈◊〉 lity , his soul proceeded from the bosom of himself , to teach him goodness ; so that if he look downward nothing is viler , if he cast his eyes to heaven , he is of a matter more excellent than the Angels . The former part was a type of Adam , the second of Christ , which gives life to that which was dead in it self . APOPHTHEGMS OF THE EARL OF VVORCESTER . 1 AT the Kings being at Ragland , there were some information given of some Gentlemen of the County , who were supposed to have done his Majesty many ill offices , by withdrawing the hearts of the people from his Majesty : these men thus accused , were ordered to be laid hold of , and it was executed accordingly , and they being brought before his Majesty , it was moved by some , that they should be forthwith tryed by a Commission of Oyer and Terminer , others advised his Majesty they should be sent to Hereford , and there to be kept in safe custody , until further consultation might be had concerning them , they excusing themselves as well as they could , one of them protesting his innocency with tears in his eyes ; the King ordered , that he should be released , being always prone to lean to pity rather than Justice , and to favourable rather than rigid construction . The King coming back from Alergeveny , where this was put in execution , told the Marquess what he had done , and that when he saw them speak so honestly , he could not but give some credit to their words , so seconded by tears , and withal told the Marquess that he had onely sent them to prison , whereupon the Marquess said , what to do ? to poyson that Garison ? Sir , you should have done well to have heard their accusations , and then to have shewed what mercy you pleased . The King told him , that he heard they were accused by some contrary Faction , as to themselves , who out of distast they bore to one another upon old grudges , would be apt to charge them more home than the nature of their offences had deserved : to whom the Marquess made this return , Well Sir , you may chance to gain you the Kingdom of heaven by such doings as these , but if ever you get the Kingdom of England , by such wayes , I will be your bond-man . 2. The Marquess had a mind to tell the King as handsomly as he could of some of his ( as he thought ) faults , and thus he contrived his plot against the time , that his Majesty was wont to give his Lordship a visit , as commonly he used to do after dinner , his Lordship had the book of John Gower lying before him on the Table , the King casting his eye upon the book , told the Marquess , that he had never seen it before , O said the Marquess , it is a book of books , which if your Majesty had been well versed in , it would have made you a King of Kings ; Why so my Lord , said the King ? Why said the Marquess , here is let down how Aristotle brought up and instructed Alexander the great in all his iudiments and principles belonging to a Prince ; and under the persons of Alexander and Aristotle , he read the King such a lesson , that all the standers by were amazed at his boldness , and the King supposing that he had gone further than his Text would have given him leave , asked the Marquess , whether he had his lesson by heart , or whether he spake out of the book : the Marquess replyed , Sir , if you could read my heart , it may be , you might find it there , or if your Majesty please to get it by heart , I will lead you my book , which latter proffer the King accepted of , and did borrow it : nay said the Marquess , I will lend it you upon these conditions , 1. That you read it , 2. That you make use of it : but perceiving how some of the new made Lords fretted and bit the thumbs , at certain passages in the Marquesses Discourse he thought a little to please his Majesty , though he displeased them , the men who were so much displeased already , protesting unto his Majesty , that no man was so much for the absolute power of a King , as Aristotle , desiring the book out of the Kings hand , he told the King he would shew him one remarkable passage to that purpose , turning to that place , that had this verse , viz. A King can kill , a King can save , A King can make a Lord a knave . And of a knave a Lord also . Whereupon there were divers new made Lords , who slank out of the room , which the King observing , told the Marquess , My Lord , at this rate you will drive away all my Nobility ; the Marquess replyed , I protest unto your Majesty , I am as new a made Lord , as any of them all , but I was never called knave and rogue so much in all my life , as I have been since I received this last honour , and why should not they bear their shares ? 3. The Marquess travelling , was as he thought surprized by enemies , but recovering the top of a high Mountain , by the advantage of the ground he could see the enemy marching off another way , at which sight the Marquess dwelt with his eyes a little longer upon that object , then the L. John Somerset his son thought convenient , whereunto the Marquess made this reply , O son , I love to see my own danger , especially when it is marching of . 4. The Marquess travelling on the way , happened to come to a place wherein was seen a miracle , which the tradition of those parts reports to have been wrought , occasioned upon Saint Davids preaching unto 3000 people , who that he might the better be heard , the ground it is said to rise up in a round knob , whereupon Saint David pitched his Cross whereon he leaned whilst he was preaching , which Cross was yet standing with some words , and letters , which time had made unlegible , and that Saint David had caused a Church to be erected in that place , as a memorial of so great a miracle : this relation made the Marquess very desirous to view the place , the Church , and the Cross , and standing in the Church yard , every man endeavoured to make something of the obliterated superscription , and no man could , for there were only these worn pieces of characters to be seen , viz. Crx. Xt●… Dd. and a piece of an S. which my Lord presently read it Crux Christi Davidis , which we all wondring that no man could find it out , it afterwards appearing to be so plain , he told , as look you now , I without my Spectacles and ill eyes could read it sooner than all you that needed none , and had good eyes , it is not a good eye , but a good faith that attains to the knowledg of such things which you pore so much upon , the like you lose the meaning , now I will tell you how I came to find it out , I considered what had been told me , with the help wherof I came to unstand what the words might signifie , so that in this I am sure tradition was a means to help me to the true understanding of the Scripture . Leaving the place , as we were going along by the Church yard rails , there was an old woman naked as ever she was born , who kept her Hermitage between the roots of an overgrown hollow tree , she was the most lamentable spectacle of Mortality that ever eyes beheld , her eyes as hollow as a dead mans scul , and her head as bare , nothing but skin and bone , her breasts hanging down like two leathern pockets , and her belly like a Satchel , her tawny skin looking rather as if it had been loose garments to the bo●…es , then confines to any flesh and blood , in a word it frightned us all , only the Marquess was in love with her , protesting that he never saw a sight which did him so much good , saying , How happy were it for a man that is going to bed to his grave , to be first wedded to this woman . 4. The Marquess on discourse about Religion , said , That God was fain to deal with wicked men as men do with frisking jades in a pasture : that cannot take them up till they get them to a gate : so wicked men will not be taken up till the hour of death . 5. Treating of youth , the Marquess said , that it was the best course for Parents and Tutors to teach children : that when they are young , they may put in practice , when they are grown up in riper years . 6. Philo Jude●…s saith , to which the Marquess assents , that the sense is like the Sun , for the Sun seals up the globe of heaven , and opens the globe of earth , so the sense doth obscure heavenly things , and reveal earthly things . 7. He was wont to say , that a plain dealing friend , whose friendly Counsel was requited with choler and disgust , was like a turf , that whilst a man bestowed breath upon it to enliven it , it returns thanks to the well-willer , by spitting fire in his face . 8. Dr. Baily living at Ragland castle three years , in all that time never saw man drunk , nor heard an oath amongst any of all his servants , and very rare it was to see a better ordered Family , but that which was most wonderful was , half his servants being Protestants , and half Papists , yet never were at variance in point of Religion : which was brought about by prohibiting disputation , neither was any man less accepted for his Religion , if his service was acceptable , but when the Castle , was filled with Officers & Souldiers , he used to be much grieved to hear and see the Oaths and drunkenness , that was then and there too much practised ; insomuch , that when some of his chief Officers had told him how they had fortified such and such a place so and so , and that here the enemy could not come , and there it was impossible , I , but said my Lord , you have left the main place open and unfortified ; you have made no fortification against heaven , for there is such swearing and drunkenness amongst you , that I fear me , that from thence will come you●… greatest enemy , and you have made no provision against him . 9. As the Marquess was in his travel from Dneb . shire toward Ragland , he determined to lye in a poor Town called Bala in Mer●…neth shire , where being come , upon misinformation , that they were enemies , the people gazed on them like Owls , and no Officer belonging to the Town , would be spoken withal : At last , one of the Marquesses retinue espied a young man , who had a Ribbon on his hat with Vive le Roy in it , to whom he applyed himself , and told him , that he by his favour should be one that loved the King , and that there was such a Nobleman , who had served the King in no small measure , who was likely to ly in the streets for want of a Lodging : the young man shewed immediately great respect , telling his Lordship , that he should be welcom to his Mothers house , who kept a poor Inn. So into the house his retinue went , finding it a most lamentable receptacle for such a person , yet better than none at all ; the Parlour where my Lord was to lye , was a soft and loose ground , wherein you might sink up to the ancles every step , the top of the house being thatched with ill thrasht straw , the corn was left in the straw , wherewith the house was thatched , grew , and was all as green as grass . The Marquess by that time that we had got a good fire , and laid some loose boards over the sloor , came near the house , who seeing the manner of the house top , and the parlour bottom , said , That he lay over a bog , and under a Meadow : but it being known who he was , the Mayor of the Town with singular respect and much humanity , came to the Marquess , excusing his ignorance , and misunderstanding , offering all the civilities of his own house , for which my Lord gave him many and hearty thanks , breaking forth into this Meditation , Lord what a thing this misunderstanding is ! I warrant you might but the King and Parliament confer together , as you and I have done , there might be as right an understanding betwixt them , as there is now betwixt you and I , some body hath told the Parliament , that the King was an enemy , and their believing of him to be such , hathwrought all the jealousies which are come to these distractions , the Parliament being now in such a case as I my self am , having green ears over their heads , and false ground under their feet . 10. The Marquess of Worcester calling for a glass of Claret wine , it was told him by his Physician , that Claret wine was naught for his gout ; What , said the Marquess , my old friend Claret ? nay , give it me in spight of all Physicians and their books , it never shall be said , that I forsook my friend for my enemy . 11. The Marquess discoursing of the small profit generally got by disputation in matters of Religion , said , That men are often in arguing , carried by the force of words f●…rther asunder than their question was at first , like two ships going out of the same haven , their journeys end is many times whole Countries distant . 12. Drunkenness is a beastly vice , and hath this property , that it is one of those vices , that increaseth with age : which Discourse the Marquess prosecuted by a certain story of a certain Philosopher , that having a drunken man brought before him , to know what suitable punishment he should suffer for the offence , the vice was so rarely known in those dayes , that the Philosopher was wholly ignorant of it , and therefore caused him to be brought before him the day following , in the interim of which time , the Philosopher drank himself drunk , and thereby was so sick , that he judged nothing but death would immediately ensue , but it being once over , and the man appearing the next day to know his doom , he said , I adjudge thee to no other punishment , than to bedrunk again , for certainly that crimecarries its punishment along with it . 13. The Earl of Worcester travelling toward Ragland , at a certain Inne in a poor town , where he lay , by the carelessness of servants left behind him 1000 l. in gold , being hid under a Bench , and forgot to be taken away , the money was never missed until they came to their journies end at night , and it being told my Lord that so much was missing , and where they had left it , my Lord made no other words of it but these , you talk of a cheap reckoning , but I never paid so dearly for a nights Lodging in all my life : who would think that a man should leave so much money behind him in such a lousie Inn ? One that stood by told the Marquess , that it was a hundred to one if ever he heard of his money again , it was such a beggarly house , O peace , said the Marquess , if they will not be known of the money , you shall see it will be a brave Inn in a short time : this mony was sent after , and very honestly restored , and delivered into the Messengers hands that came for it . Being brought unto the Marquess , there was much wondring at the honesty of the woman of the house , others praised the whole town seeing it was generally known . The Marquess told them , It may be the town never saw so much mony before , and therefore they knew not what to make of it . 14. The Marquess journeying on his way to Ragland , happened to come to a place that was called Strata del storida , in Cardiganshire , which made him say that he was brought to the West Indies already , an old ruined , but sometimes a most famous Monastery , with whose ruines was built a pretty tolerable Welsh Gentlemans house , where my Lord lodged that night , in which house there was shown an old old woman , who was credibly reported to have been living , and of years able to remember when the Monastery was in its flourishing condition , and to have been at Mass oftentimes when the place was inhabited by Monks and Friars : this strange relation was no sooner carried up , and presented to my Lords ears , but my Lord was as greedy to glut his eys with such an object , as they to fil his ears with the relation : the woman being sent for came , coming , the Marquess questioned her concerning the manner of the Monks behaviour , both in their Service , their Orders , Habits , Customs , and all other particulars , who gave his Lordship so exact an account , that he believed it to be true , and confessed that it must needs be so ; and questioning of her further , about her age , she said she was an hundred years of age : then the Marquess asked her , And what when the Religion altered , you altered with the Religion ? she answered , no in truth Master , I staid to see whether or no the people of the new religion would be better than the people of the old , and I could see nothing , but grew worse and worse , & charity to wax colder & colder , & so kept me to my old religion , I thank God , and by the grace of God mean to live and die in it . The Marquess turned to the Gentleman of the house , who was a Protestant , and asked him whether or no , she had been noted for a Papist all her life , the Gentleman said , that she had , & could never be brought from it ; and that she would oftentimes steal into the Church alone with her beads , and there she would be praying by her self ; the Marquess dismissed her for the present , but after Suppen sent for her again , and had some more private conference with her ; amongst other things he asked her how she did to serve God , and when she had seen a Priest last , when she had been at Mass , or received the Sacrament : the woman answered , that she had not seen a Priest not in sixty years , but she did her office daily , and never missed , and once a year upon Goodfriday she received the Sacrament at the Parsons hands , praying unto God , that seeing she could not attain unto the means , that God would make the Parson a Priest to her at that day , which she believing God Almighties judgment to be such , as that he did hear her prayers . The Marquess fell into such a fit of Laughter , and then into such expressions of admiration , that it was rare to see him transported into such extreams , so at last he ended in pity and commiseration , which wrought in the Marquess this effect , and to the poor woman this intended advantage ; the Marquess gave her ten pieces of old Gold , telling her , that if she would go with him to Ragland , and spend the remainder of her dayes with him she should be welcom , and there enjoy the means of bringing her thither , where now she had but a little way to go , meaning heaven . The woman fell a crying , saying over and over again constantly , God hath sent him , God hath sent him , he was a good man , and so she departed , resolving to go as soon as possible toward Ragland . The next news that was heard in the morning was , that the poor woman was dead , whereupon the Marquess excessively grieved , and wept , all concluding that she died of an excessive joy , whereat the Marquess said thus , If this poor soul died for joy that she should come into a place where she might serve God , bo●… joyfully will she serve him when she comes into a place where she shall never dye ? 15. The Marquess discoursing once of the Essence of God , excellently commended the wisdom of Simonides , who being asked of Hiero , what he thought of God , asked a seven-nights time to consider of it , and at the seven-nights end he asked a fourtnights time , at the fourtnights end he asked a moneth , at which Hiero marvelling , Simonides answered , That the longer he thought on it , the more difficult he found it . 16. The Earl of Glamorgan , the Marquess of Worcesters eldest son , accompanied with divers of high rank and quality , as they were on their journey for Ireland , quartered in the town of Carnarvan , a Sea Town in North Wales , where they were entertained with Discourse at the Table , by some of the Country Gentlemen , who informed them of the falling of an old Welsh Prophesie at that very time and place , which was viz. That there should come a Magpy , and build her nest in the Crown , then should come a Jackdaw , and beat away the Magpy , and after that there should come a Buzzard , that should beat away the Jackdaw , and then there should be seen no Crown , but that of thorns upon the Kings head , at last there should come a Band of men from a far Countrey , & take away the thorns , and then the Crown should appear again : this they said , was thus hitherto accomplished , viz. Over the gate of Carnarvan Castle , there was the picture of King Edward the first , in full proportion , with a Crown upon his head , there did come a Magpy , and did build her nest in the said Kings Crown , and a Jackdaw did beat away the Magpy , and the Buzzard the Jackdaw : this we assure your Honour to be true ; for all our Townsmen have observed it . Dinner being ended , they all went unto the Castle gate , being greedy to satisfie their eyes with the sight , as well as their ears with the Relation ; where being come they beheld the sight , the nest being disordered by the fighting of the combatants , and the materials of the nest made such a mournful aspect , as if they had bin artificially pleated upon the Kings head . The Earl of Clamorgan could not endure the sight , but straightway commanded the nest to be pulled down , the materials of which was such , as never any bird builded her nest with , viz. White thorn : the story being related to the Marquess of Worcester , after some pause he said , that is the nick-name , which the Round-heads use to give to the Bishops : and none about him guessing at his meaning , he said , as I take it , they used to call the Bishops Magpies , whom they reproach for building their nests in the Crown , then came the Presbyterian Jackdaws , and beat them out , and the next thing that you shall see , will be the Independant , Buzzards , which drive them away , and who comes next God knows : but asking further , whether it was an open or an Imperial Crown , answer being made that it was open , O then , said the Marquess , that was the reason the Kings Crown was too open , had it been close at top with the Cross over head , such unlucky birds could never have come there to have built their nests . 87. Antisthenes being asked of one , what Learning was most necessary for mans life , answered , To unlearn that which is naught . 18. The Marquess would often say , that all the inconveniences that the frailty of humane nature was incident to fall into , ever happened through the vvant of this , Consideration had at the end of every action before ever we enterprised a beginning , viz. What then , what will be the effects of it ? 19. On the marriage of my Lord Edward Herbert , with the Earl of C●…rnarvans daughter , there happened this merry passage or mock-wedding , as an ecco to the voices , that were heard in Hymens Chappel , between that lovely couple , who had newly left being wholly themselves by being half of each other , one pair of Lovers had no sooner united two hearts in one , and had seated themselves by one of the many properties belonging unto the honourable state of matrimony , viz. the board , but one Thom. Deputy , an old Bachellour , chanced to cast his eye upon a pretty piece of waiting woman , one of the appurtenances to this honourable Bride , he this jovial Them , having whetted his wits by the sides of the marriage bowl , fixes upon being enabled sufficiently thereby to follow any humour , as a fit subject to make their Ladiships some sport , which happened to be so suitable to the occasion , and so well performed , that it soon captivated the ears also of all the Masculine Nobility , thus incountring the fair Bride , Madam , you have the prettiest piece of necessity yonder at the side Table , that I know not how any man can be without her , that may have her for asking , Madam , will you give her me ? I protest I will marry her , & fancy my self to be a Lord , & her self a Lady , My mind to me a kingdom is , which shall make her a sufficient Jomture , Thom. Thom. said the Marquess , such men as you and I , whose joints are enfeebled with the strokes of many years , must not think to win young maids , by promising to make Jointures of the mind , but will you make her Deputy of Deputy Hall , and Landlady of all the Land that is belonging to it , & mistris of all the stock that is upon the Land , and goods that is within the house , and then you shall hear what my daughter and her woman will say unto you ? With all my heart said Thom. and all the hogs and Poultry that are about the house to boot , & she shall lie upon six Feather-beds the first night . Why then it shall be a match , said the Lady . With all myheart , give me your hand Madam , sayes Deputy , I will have her , if there be no more necessary evils in the world , and presently makes his addresses to the pretty little Gentlewoman of the said Table , who had heard all the Discourse , and was perswaded then upon his approach to answer his humour with a condescention at the first word , and informed , that he was an old rich whoreson , he accosting her after this manner , This pretty moppet , now thy Lady hath given her consent that I shall have thee , if thou sayest so too , we will be in bed as soon as they . With all my heart , and thank you too , said the young Gentlewoman , By my troth , a match said he , give me thy hand , 't is done , I will break such a jest this day , as I never broke in my life . But do not break your prom se , said the Gentlewoman . What before all this company , said Thom. that were a shame . Up he goes again to the Lady , and tells her that they were agreed . My Lady drank to him upon the same condition , he pledgedher , & wished thewine might be his poison if he did not marry her after dinner ; the Lady willing to prefer her woman to such a fortune , held him to his word , and required performance of his promise , giving her many and high commendations . Thom. went not from any part of his promise , only the time excepted , and that in regard he meant to buy himself some wedding cloaths . The Marquess willing to remove that obstacle , told him that he thought his cloaths would fit him , and bid him go into his wardrobe , and take what he had a mind to . Give me your key said Thom , it was delivered unto him . Up went he , and then came down with his Beaver hat , Sattin cloak , said with plush , daub●…d with a gold & silver lace suit of the same , silkstockings , with roses and garters suitable , inside and outside , cap a-pe , all as brave , as if he carried a Lordship on his back . The Lady Bride takes her woman aside , and dresseth her in one of her newest and richest gowns , with all things answerable thereto , not without some store of sleight jewels , and brings her down as glorious as the morp , that breaks from the Eastern hill , and chases night away , they look upon one another , and all upon them both , Thom. cries out , I had best be in good earnest , said my Lady , I thought you had been in sober sadness , you will not now make us take all this pains for nothing , No by no means , said he , if ever we repent , we will sell our fine cloaths & buy cattel , it is better being a Lord for a week , than a slave for ever . Come thy wayes , Happy is that wrong , that is not long a doing . Married they were in the greatest pomp and Ceremony , and the Queen of beauty took delight in loosing the eyes of the vulgar , which by this time was altogether fixed on the Lady of the May. Thom. acted his Scene of mirth in the Hall , which proved to be a thing of that convenience , as if it had been an act of some set policy to keep the crowd out of the Parlour , that the Marquess might have room enough to dance in . At last when the Masque was ended , and time had brought in Supper , the Cushion led the dance out of the Parlour into the Hall , and saluted the old new made Bridegroom and his Lady , leading them into a Parlour , to a Table which was furnished with the same allowance that was allotted for all the Nobles , where they were soon forced to sit down , first Thom. taking upon him , as much as they could give him , in fine , Supper being ended , the Marquess of Worcester asked the Lady , his daughter , if she had an hundred pounds about her , she answered , No my Lord , but I can send for as much , I pray do said the Marquess , but it must be all in gold . She sent for it , and presented it to her father , who pulled out another purse of an hundred pieces , and put the two hundred pieces into a basin , saying , Madam , if you do not give earnest , Deputy will tell you in the morning , that he married your woman but in jest . Whereupon some gave fifty , others forty , some gave twenty , others ten , the least gave five pieces , who fate at the Table , in all seven hundred pounds , the apparel and other gifts amounting to no less a value , than one thousand pounds , which so transported the old man , that he protested , that now he was in the humour , he would marry all the waiting Gentlewomen that they had , one every day in the week , as long as the wedding lasted , My Lord Marquess replyed . I , but Thom. you have left , out one thing that you should have said , viz. at this rate , not to be too tediòus . The man , what with bounty , and what with that , which was as free to every man as were their purses unto him ( which was good wine ) was not himself , when he should have gone tobed to another , which being related to my Lord , his Lordship took an occasion to tell the company the story of the beggar , who was made believe he did but dream of the happiness that was really acted ; & thereupon the Marquess was desirous to make experiment , whether it could be related in the person of old Thomas , in order whereunto he gave command , that my friend Thomas should be disrobed of his new wedding garment , the rest of his fine cloaths taken from him , and himself carried unto his old Lodging in the Porters Lodge , and his wife to respite the Solemnization of the marriage-bed until his comportment should deserve so fair an admission : which was done accordingly , the next morning made the experiment to answer the height of all their expectations ; for news was brought unto the Marquess , all the rest of the Lords and Ladies standing by , that Thom. took all yesterdayes work but for a dream , or at least seemed to do so , to humour the fancy I should be endless , if I should relate unto you the sport that this fellow made . To conclude , the Marquess called them both before him , and delivered unto them the money , with many good exhortations to them both , moralizing upon the premises . 20. The Marquess talking of an old drunken fellow , who having used his body to disorder in drinking all his life t●…me , at last giving it over , presently dyed , Oh , said the Marquess , if you take a brand out of the fire , that is throughly burnt it will fall in pieces , but if you let it lie there still , it may remain a pretty while before it turn to ashes . 21. Doctor Baliy , walking one day with his Lordship in a private walk , that was about the round Tower , and there esping where a bird had made her nest , whom they disturbed from hatching her young ones , and sitting upon her eggs , which act of nature my Lord compared unto the manner of the Creation ; for said he , God having made his nest in the world , and brought forth his young at first imperfected , did by his spirit breath , and by his wings of providence spread over them , he gave them life and power , and by his word he brake the shell , and so the world was gloriously peopled . 22. They are fools , quoth the Marquess , who because it is said , Examine your selves and come , will not communicate , till they be as they think perfect , forgetting , that Christ came into the world , not for the healthful , but sick , and that we come unto that Table to be refreshed with that spiritual food , bringing nothing with us , but a purpose to amend . 23. On a Discourse of the several windings and turnings that have been in the compass of twelve years : he thus delivered himself , that every age breeds some exorbitant spirits , who turn the edge of their own sufficiency upon whatsoever they can devour in their own ambitious apprehensions , seeking rather a name , than a good fame , and holding it the chiefest honour to be thought the wonder of the times , which if they attain unto , is but in the condition of monsters , that are generally much admired , but more abhorred . 24. During the Siege of Ragland , there came a musquet bullet in at the window of the withdrawing room , where my Lord was used to entertain his friends with his pleasant Discourses after Dinners and Suppers , which glancing upon a little marble pillar of the window , and from thence hit the Marquess upon the side of the head , and fell down flatted upon the Table , which breaking the pillar in pieces , it made such a noise in the room , that the Countess of Glamorgan who stood in the same window , ran away , as if the house had been falling down upon her head , crying out , O Lord , O Lord ; but finding her self more afraid than hurt , she returned back again , no less excusing her self , as she was pleased to call it rudeness to her father , than acknowledging her fears to all the company : to whom the Marquess said , Daughter , you had reason to run away , when your father was knockt on the head , and pausing some while , and turning the flatted bullet round with his finger , he further said , Gentlemen , Those who had a mind to flatter me , were wont to tell me , that I had a good head-piece in my younger dayes , but if I do not flatter my self , I think I have a good head-piece in my old age , or else it would not have been Musquet proof . 25. One was telling the Marquess how strangely Doctor Baily his Chaplain escaped a shot , by the bar of a Window , looking out into the Leaguer , as thus , Standing in a window of the Castle , there came a musquet bullet , & hit falling against the edge of an iron bar of a Chamber Window , so that it parted the bullet in two , the bar exspatiating it self by degrees towards the middle , one half of the bullet flew on the one side , & the other half on the other side , so that by Gods providence no harm was done . The Marquess hearing this , asked in whose chamber it was , his Chaplain told him , his Lordship said , that the Window of that chamber was cross-barrrd , and you will never believe me how safe it is to stand before the Cross when you face your enemy . 26. The Marquess on a Discourse of images related this story of a Papist , being opposed by a Protestant , that they had no Scripture for images , answered , yes , for you read , that the people laid their sick in the streets , that the shadow of Saint Peter might come upon them , and that a shadow was an image , and the obscurest of images . 27. Talking upon occasion of Christs miracles , viz. of his turning water into wine , and of the five loaves and two fishes , Why said the Marquess , these Miracles he works amongst us every day , but that they are so ordinary unto us , that we take no notice of them , God sends rain upon the earth , this water gets up into the vine , and the sap of the vine tree God turneth into wine , and as few grains of corn as will make five loaves , being sowed in the earth , will multiply & increase to such advantage as will feed 5000 with bread , and two fishes will bring forth so many fishes as will suffice so many mouths . 28. There was an old rich usurer and for●…icator , who had a plot upon the body and estate of a handsom young widow , and an inheritrix of an estate , which the old Miser thought rather convenient than great enough for him ; wherefore having a mind rather to enjoy than have her , and knowing that she was in Debt , courted her with offering to leave her monies , as an argument of his affection , which she accepted of , offering to bindher estate for repaymen●… hoping that the tye of his person would be a freedom of her estate : thus with his money , he got his foot into hereestate , and by a false promise slept into her bed , as often as he had a mind to lye doubly . Six years he staved her off , who bed-staved him in , within her own sleeping room , but at last , that she might be sure of the substance , she urged him to the Ceremony , and that so much , that at last he gave her a flat denial , wherupon she flatly denies him the former familiarity , he seizes upon her estate and answers , the kindness of he●… admittance of him into her own bed , with the Discourse of turning her out of her own doors : She makes the Marquess her friend , declaring unto him how much she had been abused by him , and withal that she was willing to pay him his money , but not the use of it , as he required : The Marquess sends for this whoreson , and offered himself a mediatour , the man was unwilling to that , yet knew not well how to deny him : which the Marquessperceiving , called him aside , and bid him get her to be bound with him in a bond of five hundred pounds , to stand to such an award as he should make between them , promising him faithfully , that he would award-him use upon use . O my Lord , said he , if you do so , I shall be much obliged to your Honour , and will be bound with all my heart , and will send you a couple of the bravest colts of your Lordships own breed , as any is in the Countrey . Well , well , said the Marquess , let it be so . Then all was done accordingly , and when the business was examined , & found to be as was before related , the Marquess made this award , viz. Sir said he , to the man , she hath had the use of your money so long , and you have had the use of her body so long , and there is use upon use ; so I have allowed you what I promised . 28. The Marquess on a Discourse of Temptation thus delivered himself , that we pray in vain to God to save us from temptation , if at every occasion we run into it : Like one who voluntarily sticks in the dirt , and cries for help from those that pass by . 29. Thales said , that life and death was all one : one that was present asked him , Why do not you dye then ? Thales said again , because they are all one . And being further asked , how a man should order his life , answered , as if a man should live long , or die quickly . 30. There was a great man in the Kings Army , between whom and the house of Ragland there was at this time animosity , the Marquess of Worcester had heard , how that this party should cast a dubious saying , as the case then stood , viz. that he intended to take Ragland in his way , and was so far good as his word , as that he marched into the Park , & there drew up his men , and faced the Castle , whereupon the Line was man'd , and Command was given , that none should be suffred to come near the Line , which Command was so observed , that some of the Officers of the Army approaching within the place prohibited , the Centinel bid stand , they did not , the Centinel called to them again to stand , they refused , the Lieutenant called upon the Centinel to fire , the Centinel preferring the knowledge of his friends before his duty to his Officer , did not give fire , but swore he would give fire if they would not stand , whereupon one of them told him , that it was such a General , and wondred that the Officer would bid the Souldier give fire upon him , the General forthwith coming to the drawbridge , and desired to speak with the Lord Charls , whom he no sooner faluted , but required satisfaction for the affront , he was desired to come into the Castle , and told that the matter should be examined before him , and if any affront was given , he should receive satisfaction : whereupon being come within the Castle , the Lieutenant was sent for , who told the General , that though he knew him to be a General , yet as a Souldier he was not to take any notice of him , until such time as he had declared himself , which when he did , he respected him accordingly : & further said that rewards he had seen given on the like occasion , but never knew it a fault before : all this would not serve , but the General said he was affronted , and must have satisfaction , and so took his leave . The Marquess of Worcester sleeping upon his bed all this while , and not dreaming of any of all this that had hapned in the interim , hearing the whole Relation , he askt all the Officers , whether the Lieutenant had offended , they unanimously answered no , and commended him for what he had done ; then said the Marquess , this is but a pretence , they have a mind to quarrel with us ; therefore I will send him to the General , and a Guard with him of such Souldiers as are able to witness the truth of it , and let him try him at his Councel of War , and see what Law he hath for it , and so we shall break the neck of the quarrel , and so said the Lieutenant I shall be hanged by the neck for my labour . Whereat the Marquess replyed , What friends hast thou in the Garison ? The Lieutenant made answer , I have a wife and a daughter : then said the Marquess with some vehemence , I protest unto thee , if they hang thee , I will marry thy wife , and provide for thy daughter . The Lieutenant replyed , I had rather you would marry my daughter , and provide for me ; I protest said the Marquess , I will marry thy daughter , and I will provide for thee an honourable grave , but you shall be hanged first . My Lord , said the Lieutenant , shall I bespeak my grave ? thou shalt said the Marquess ; then said the Lieutenant , I will be laid in the vault in Ragland Church , betwixt your father , and your Grandfather , and I pray God I may be hanged before I see you again ; and so flung out of the room , leaving my Lord in a most merry vein , as possibly could be , who remembring himself sent him five pieces to bear his charges . The Lieutenant being brought to the General at Monmouth , the General dismissed him of his Guard , and sent him to Hereford with an oath at his heels , that he would hang him , if there were no more men in England ; then the Lieutenant cryed out , This makes for us , I do but think how finely I shall lie between the two old Earls , and how finely the old Earl will lie between my daughters two young legs : the particulars whereof being brought to the Marquess , the Marquess was not a little perplext between fear of having his new Mistris , & losing his old friend , which he had run himself into between jest and earnest , but the greatest sport of all was , concerning the hopeful Lady Marquess , who was ever and anon enquiring and asking many questions concerning the Marquess , whom she never saw , what manner of man he was , how old , whether he went with a staff , or no ? What was the reason he kept his chamber so much , and did not come abroad ? Sometimes , what diseases he had ? and how long it was ago since his Lady died ? with many other necessary questions to be asked by a woman in her condition : nevertheless , it stood the Marquess upon to be sollicitous in the business , being so prest between two strong Passions , Love and Pity , and so he sends immediately to Hereford , where making some sport of the business there , the Lieutenant at last was brought home to his Wife and Daughter , who ever after was called , my Lady Marquess . 32. Discoursing before the Marquess concerning the error of the Manichees , who held there were two causes of Heaven and earth , viz. that the good and white God made the heaven , and man from the middle upward , and the black and evil God was the efficient cause of the earth , and of man from the middle downwards , that was but a foolish conceit said the Marquesse , for Gods power and wisdom is shown and seen , as well in an Ant as in an Elephant , as well in a worm as in an Angel , so his Godhead and might appears as well in the earth , as in the heavens , but methinks it had been a pretty fancy , and not far from truth or reason , if they had held that Heaven and Earth had been as man and Wife , or male and female , seeing the Heavens were made as the male part of the world , by whose influence , motion and dews , the earth as the female part thereof out of her womb brings forth all necessary and living creatures . 33. On a Discourse of Necromancy , the Marquess thus delivered himself , that as none can be Scholars in a School , and not be subject to the Master thereof : So none can study and put in practise the Circles and Art of Magick , without committing a horrible defection from God. 34. The Marquesse was of a disposition alwaies inclinable to charitable constructions , which suffered him not to want excuses , or fome cloak or other to throw over any mans imperfections . There was a Gentleman of high desert , who chanced in the Marquess his hearing to come under the lash of some mens ceasures . Alas Gentlemen , said the Marquess , Will you have corn to grow without ch●…ffe , or light to be without its adjoyning darkness , or the sweetest hony without unsavoury wax , or the pleasant wines , or liquors without their Lees and Dregs ? As soon shall corn gr●… without chaffe , as a man of his parts shal●… be free from vain gl●…ry ; worthless chaffe keeps the corn warm , and vain glory fires him to all those brave atchieviments . If you set a man on his horse , le him have his spurs . 35. It was ordinary with the Marquess to entertain Discourse with every man according to the condition and profession he was of , and most commonly from the beginning of his Discourse , you should never know what the end would be , taking delight to deceive the expectation of his Auditor : Upon a time , there was presented unto him a Lawyer , and he was informed hefore-hand how excellent a man he was in his profession ; the Marquess thought with himself how he might pose him , and being brought in with other Gentlemen , after they had dined he was presented unto the Marquess . Sir , said the Marquess , I have received a very good character of you , they say you are very learned in the Law , I would very fain ask you one question , Any thing my Lord , said the Lawyer , that lies within my poor ability . I pray , said the Marquess , who was the first man that ever had a Dedimus potestatem granted unto him ? the Lawyer was so confounded , that he knew not what to say for a long time : at last he made a long and learned discourse concerning the original of that Writ , and the Marquess gave him the hearing , but when he had done , he told him , that hè came far short of the original thereof ; for Adam was the first , that ever had fulness of power granted unto him , viz. when God gave him power to subdue the earth , and to have dominion over every living creature . The Lawyer thankt his Lordship , and told him , that he thought the Law had not been so antient . Antient , said the Marquess , there was the beginning of all your Courts of Justice , but I see you are but a common Lawyer that cannot derive your Pedigree from thence . 36. Aeneas Silvius said , to which the Marquess assents , That the Christian faith and Law , though it had not been confirmed by miracles , yet was most worthy to be received for the honesty therof . 37. There was a new married couple presented before the Marquess , the Bride a goodly proper woman , her face well feitured , an excellent eye she had , but was pitifully disfigured with the small Pox : the Marquess looking much upon her , and saying nothing to her a long while , we all knew that Silence was in labour for some notable Production , at last he advanceth toward the young Bride , and asked he Gentlewoman , Do you know why it is said , that God Almighty created man and builded woman ? the Gentlewoman somewhat out of countenance , answered , No indeed , my Lord : The Marquess asked her again , Do you know why you women are called Housewives ? I think my Lord said the Bride , because good wives should keep at home , and not gad abroad . It is a good answer said the Marquess , but not the right , for women may be bad wives at home as well as abroad . The answer to my first question is , women are not said to be made as Adam was , which only signifies plain work , but to be built , which signifies curiosity and co●…trivance , and therefore as to my second question , a woman is called a housewife , because she is a house out of which all the Royal Families of Kings and Emperors derive their extract : neither are you only compared unto houses , but unto Cities , Kingdoms , Churches , and Common-wealths . But do you know what house you are like ? No indeed my Lord , said the Bride , why then I will tell you , when God builded the first woman , he made her his storehouse wherein he laid up all the race of mankind , wherewith he replenishad the whole earth , but I must tell you Lady , God Almighty did not make you coaches nor waggons , that you should alwaies be gadding abroad . Whereat the Bridegroom made answer , My Lord , I think you for this , I hope my wife will remember it . My Lord , said the young Bride , you will read such a lecture to my husband , that he will never let me go abroad : O Lady said the Marquesse , he must not debar you of that liberty , provided , that you will never go abroad , but when you go like the Snail , who seldom stirs abroad , but whilst that blessing the dew of Heaven is upon the earth , that she may gather benefit , and by her greatest care , and equal management , still carrys here house upon her back . O my Lord said she , if I should go abroad like the Snail , I should carry a house upon my back , and horns in my forehead . No Lady said the Marquess , though she forks at you , yet they are no horns , the Snail can soon draw them in if you touch them , which no horned creature can perform , but she carrys them in her head , to teach you what you should provide & bear in your mind against you go to hay-making : but the Marquess fearing that he had a little displeased her , he thought to make her amends by the following discourse . Sir , said he to the Bridegroom , you know I have compared your wife to a building , and I must commend your choice , for said he , alluding to her disfigurement , a goodly house must not be chosen by the smoothness or whiteness of the wall , for such an one may be but a dairy-house , or a milk-house , nor according to the colours or painting on the outside , for such an one may be but a Tavern or an Alehouse ; but if I see a house that is lofty and stately built , and have fair windows though the outside be but rough cast , yet I am sure there are goodly rooms within : and so both parties were well pleased . 38. It was told the Marquess that such a Romane Catholick , being sorely prest to take the oath of Supremacy , and being acquainted with another Gentleman that was a Protestant , and so like unto him that you could hardly distinguish them whilst they were together , much less asunder , this his image , as if Nature had chosen him to be his Representative , as the others part , the right stone being pulled out , and a counterseit set in the right Ring , and what with the likeness of his countenance and his apparel , he passed for currant , which jest my Romane thought so good , that he must needs brag of it to the Marquess , but the Marquess no way liked it , asking him , Would you put another upon that which you would not do your self ? What if the Devil , ( you two being so alike one another ) should mistake you for him , I assure you he would go near to marre the conceit . 39. Vespasian asked of Apollonius what was the cause of Neroes ruine ; who answered , That Nero could tune the harp well , but in G●…vernment he did alwayes wind up the strings too high , or let them down too low . 40. T●…ere was a young and beautiful Lady , who was shewing the Marquess , that the colours that hung off such a Tower , was one of the curtains of her bed . To which my Lord replied , Madam , I would you would set that little boy that uses to stand behind the curtain , on the top of that Tower , that we may see whether or no he would drive away all those men with his bow and arrows . To which the Lady replied . Cupid never raised a siege in his life , but he hath taken many a strong hold : then said the Marquess , I will tell you how you shall make yours impregnable . How my Lord , said the Lady ? the Marquess said unto her , whensoever you see a handsom young man be sure you shut your eyes , or else he will take the Fort of your Virginity , flying in at your Windows . 41. The Marquess highly commended Queen Elizabeth's wisdom and prudence , thereupon relating this story , Queen Elizabeth being to resolve upon a great Officer , and being by some that canvased for others , put in some doubt of that person whom she meant to advance , called for Mr. Bacon , and told him , she was like one with a Lanthorn , seeking for a man , and seeming unsatisfied in the choice she had of men for that place . Mr. Bacon answered her , that he had heard , that in old time there was usually painted on the Church walls the day of Doom , and God sitting in Judgement , and St. Michael by him with a pair of Ballances , and the Soul , and the good deeds in one Ballance , and the ●…aults and evil deeds in the other , and the souls Ballance went up far too light : then was our Lady painted with a great pair of Beads , casting them into the light Ballance to make up the weight : So he said , place and authority which was in her hands to give , was like our Ladies Be●…ds , which though men , through divers imperfections were too light before , yet when they were cast in made weight competent . 42. There was an old servant of my Lords , who would needs make a young Captain ; and at last took an opportunity to shew himself an arrant coward . This Captain upon a time , was to command a party to go out to make a mock salley , but as soon as ever he came within sight of the enemy , he squatted upon his belly behind the refuse of an old Brick-kill , for which his behaviour he was laughed at sufficiently : after that he came into the Castle , some there were who told this unto the Marquess , who being willing to bring his old servant off with better credit , than he had brought off himself , told them , I thought I had heard you say , that it was a mock Salley , to which they answered , that it was so , then said the Marquess , If it was but a mock salley , he can be but a mock coward , if you had been in earnest , it may be he would not have played the fool in jest . 43. The Marquess was one day reading of us a Lecture of patience in our adversity : amongst the rest of those witty sayings , which came from him , he told us that there was nothing so bad , but was good for something ; for said he , if there were no silence , there would be no Musick ; for the sudden stops which are in Musick add to the grace and perfection of the Art. Ignorance is a spur to knowledge , darkness a Pavilion to the Almighty . A Cabbin or drawn chamber for us to sleep in . A Dungeon for the Judge to punish his Delinquents , and a foil for the Painter to make his shadows : so are afflictions good for our instructions , and adversities for our amendments . 44. The Marquess had a new servant to wait upon him , who had the ill luck to think himself wiser than he was thought by others , insomuch that upon an occasion , he told the Marquess , that he was not wise in such a thing , and that if he were as the Marquess , he would do so and so : the Marquess hearing of him made him this gentle reply , Truly , if I knew where to find a servant , that were wiser than his Master , I would give gold for such an one , but to have a servant that thinks himself wiser than his Master , for such an one I would not give a rush . 45. On a Discourse of vain glory , the Marquess related this story , That Archidamus King of Lacedemon , having received from Philip King of Macedon proud Letters , after the said Philip had won a victory over the Athenians , writ back to him , That if he measured his own shadow , he should find it no longer now , than it was before his victory . 46. When it was told the Marquess , that some would warrant him , that if he would , he might be Duke of Somerset , he made them this reply , When I was Earl of Worcester I was well to live , since I was a Marquess I am worse by one hundred thousand pounds , and if I should be a Duke , I should be an arrant beggar ; wherefore I had rather if I might go back again to my Earld●…m , than at this Rate keep on my pace to the Dukedom of Somerset . 47. At the beginning of the long Parliament , there were certain Rusticks who came unto Ragland Castle to search the Castle for arms , my Lord being a Papist : the Marquess met them at the Castle gate , and desired to know whether they came to take away his mony , seeing they intended to disarm him ; they answered no , but what they did , was because he was a Recusant , he said he was a Peer of the Realm , and no convict Recusant , and therefore the Law could not in reason take notice of any such things , and further , some sharp and dubious words coming from the Marquess , they were at last willing to take his word , but the Marquess not willing to part with them on such easie terms , having before resolved to return them one fright for another , which he thus effected ; having carried them up and down the Castle , he at length brought them over a high bridge that arched over the Moat , that was between the Castle and the great Tower , wherein the Lord Herbert had lately contrived certain water-works , which when the several Engins and Wheels were to be set a going , much quantity of water through the hollow conveyances of the aquaeducts were to be let down from the top of the high Tower , which upon the first entrance of these wonderful Asinegoes , the Marquess had given order that these catarrhacts should begin to fall , which made such a fearful and hideous noise , by reason of the hollowness of the Tower , and the neighbouring ecchoes of the Castle , and the waters that were between , and round them both , that there was such a roaring as if the mouth of Hell had been wide open , and all the Devils had been conjured up , that the poor silly men stood so amaz'd , as if they had been half dead , and yet they saw nothing : At last as the plot was laid , up comes a man staring , & running , crying out before he came at them , Lock to your selves my Masters , for the Lions are got loose : whereupon the searchers gave us such a loose , that they tumbled so over one another down the stairs , that it was thought one half of them had broken their necks , never looking behind them till they were sure they had got out of sight of the Castle . 48. There was a Colonel , who came unto the Marquess after the Castle was delivered , whom the Marquess very well received until such time , as the Colonel desired reparation of certain losses which he had sustained by his son Clamorgan , the Marquess prayed him not to call him to an account for other folks , for he had enough to do to answer for himself : whereupon the Colonel clapt his hat upon his head , and sate himself down in a chair of State , which was upon my Lords right hand , which the Marquess observing , gently said unto one of his servants , I pray reach him the footstool . 49. After much conference betwixt the Marquess , and General Fairfax , wherein many things were requested of the General by the Marquess , and being as he thought himself happy in the attainment , his Lordship was pleased to make a merry Petition to the General as he was taking his leave , viz. in the behalf of a couple of pigeons , which were wont to come to his hand , and feed out of it constantly , in whose behalf he desired the General that he would be pleased to give him his Protection for them , fearing the little command that he should have over his Soldiers in that behalf . To which the General said , I am glad to see your Lordship so merry . Oh said the Marquess , you have given me no other cause , and as hasty as you are , you shall not go until I have told you a story . There were two men going up Holborn in a Cart to be hanged , one of them being very merry and jocond , gave offence unto the other , who was as sad and dejected , insomuch as that the downcast man said unto the other , I wonder brother that you can be so frolick , considering the business that we are going about . Tush , answered the other , thou art a fool , thou wentest a thieving , and never thought what would become of thee , wherefore being on a sudden surprized thou fallest into such a shaking fit , that I am ashamed to see thee in that condition , whereas I was resolved to be hanged before ever I fell to stealing ; which is the reason , nothing happening strange , or unexpected , I go so composed unto my death : so said the Marquess , I resolved to undergo whatsoever , even the worst of evils that you were able to lay upon me , before ever I took up arms for my Soveraign , and therefore wonder not that I am so merry . 50. There was a Romane Catholick , who had been converted unto the Protestant Religion , and giving the Marquess of Worcester a visit , the Marquess questioned him very seriously concerning his revolt , and the ground of his disertion ; the Convert told him , that the ground of his departure from the Church of Rome , was because she had departed from her self . You say very well said the Marques , but how do you prove that ? to which demand the convert made this reply , viz. the Scriptures tell me so : whereupon the Marquess called for a Bible , giving command it should be a Bible cum privilegio Regis , which being brought unto him , he said unto the Gentleman , I will see whether it wil tell me any such thing , and holding it in his hands a pretty while , at last he opened the Bible , and held it open as long , then he protested unto the afresaid Gentleman , that the Bible told him no such matter , and that he believed it to be so ful of truth , & sincerity , and that it respected the salvation of mens souls so much , that if there were any such thing , it would in charity ( with which it was so fully fraught ) do no less than acquaint him also with it . To which the Gentleman replied : My Lord , it is not the letter , cover or paper that tells me so , it is the sense & meaning . I cry you mercy said the Marquess , who shall be judge of the meaning , you or I ? to whom the Gentleman gave his Lordship this answer , who comes nearest the truth . Then said the Marquess , how should we know who comes nearest the truth ? we shall know that said the Gentleman by the word it self . I have told you said the Marquess , that the word it self sayes nothing : then said the Gentleman , there is a perswasive spirit that directs every man & leads them into all truth who are seekers of her meerly for love of her self . Indeed said the Marquess , I have heard of such a Sect that is newly sprung up , who go under the name of Seekers , but I had rather be on the finders side . To which the Gentleman made answer . Seek & ye shall find . To which my L. replied , you must have day-light , or candle-light , or else your eys will do you no good : the Gentleman made answer , that Christ was so easie to be found of all that sought him , that if we did but grope after him , we should find him . I said the Marquess , you say wel , but not when there is a light in the room ; & thereupon the Marquess entred upon a large discourse , perswading the gentleman to return to his mother again , whose arms were always open ready to embrace all that should return into her bosom , to whom the gentleman said if I should turn now I should be despised on all sides . Oh , said the Marquess , if that be all , then all is nothing , for what can any man say more to you , than this , you have been abroad , and you are come home again ? 51. The time being come , that the Prophecy of Henry of Windsor must now fit the fatal destiny of Henry of Ragland , like a thunder-bolt , that splits downwards from the higher to the lower branch of the same tree , viz. that he should live long , and lose all that Garison , had the honour to make good the rear hope for a time , when the main body of the whole Kingdom was quite forlorn ; and in her last fortunate and successfully sally , like a dying Taper to make one great blaze before she went out , in which exploit some of her Gentlemen were so gallant , as to bring home Trophies of her victories , Colours , which were no sooner dishevelled , but they spread to gather with themselves the praises of these takers , these being presented to the Marquess , he turned away his face , saying , These are no natural colours , they are but borrowed , intimating how unnatural the war was , and how soon these Colours must be restored . 52. When it was told his Lordship not long before he dyed , that leave was obtained by the Parliament , that he might be buried in Windsor Castle , within the great Chappel , and wherein divers of his Ancestors lie buried , with some sprightliness he spake aloud , God bless us all , why then I shall take a better Castle when I am dead , then they took from me whilst I was alive . 53. The Marquess a little before he dyed , having addressed himself to the House of Peers , and having found very hard usage from them , broke forth into these expressions . Oh said he , When the Noblest and highest element , Courts the noise of their Waves , the ●…ruest Emblem of the madness of the people , and when the highest Region stoops unto the lower , and the lowest gets up into the highest seat , What can be expected but a Chaos of confusion and desolation of the universe ? I do believe , that they are so near unto their end , that as weak as I am , there is Physick to be had , if a man could find it to prolong my days , that I might outlive their honours . Not many hours before he died , reflecting upon the Articles that he had waived upon the Surrender of Ragland into the Parliaments hands , Ah Doctor said he , to Doctor Baily , If I had made use of the Articles , which you had procured in my behalf , I had not been now so near unto the end of my life , and the beginning of my happiness , I forsook life , liberty & estate which I might have had , and threw my self upon their mercy , which when I had done , if to seise upon all my goods , to pull down my house , to sell my estate , and to send for up such a weak body , as mine was , so enseebled by diseases in the dead of winter , and the Winter of mine age , be merciful , What are they whose mercies are so cruel ? Neither do I expect that they should stop at all this , for I fear they will persecute me after death : you tell me , that when I am dead , you will petition the Parliament for money to bury me , then will they appoint those who will dispose of the time and manner of my burial ; and you shall see , that they ( being it is so near the good time ) will cause me to be buried according to the directory in spight of Christmas day upon Christmas : and so they did . APOPHTHEGMS OF THE LORD BACON HEnry the fourth of France his Queen was great with Child , Count Soisons that had his expectations upon the Crown , when it was twice or thrice thought , that the Queen was with Child before , said to some of his friends , that it was but a pillow , this had some waies come to the Kings ears , who kept it till when the Queen waxed great , and then called the Count of Soisons to him , and said , laying his hands upon the Queens belly , Come Cousin , it is no pillow : Yes Sir , answered the Count Soisons , it is a pillow for all France ●…o sleep upon . 2. Pace the bitter fool , was not suffered to come at the Queen , because 〈◊〉 his bitter humour , yet at one time some pressed the Queen , that he should come to her , undertaking for him , th●… he should keep compass , so he wa●… brought to her , and the Queen said Come on Pace , now we shall hear 〈◊〉 our faults , saith Pace , I do not use talk of that , that all the Town talks of . 3. My Lord of Essex at the Ste●… of Rhoan made twenty four Knights , wh●…ch at that time was a great matter ; divers of those Gentlemen were of wer●… and small means , which when Queen Elizabeth heard , she said , My Lord mi●… have done well to have built his Alms here before he made his Knights . 4. A great Officer in France was 〈◊〉 danger to have lost h●…s place , but h●… Wife by her ●…it and means making made his peace , whereupon a pleasa●… fellow said , that he had been crusht , 〈◊〉 that he saved himself upon his h●…rns . 5. Caesar Borgia after long devisi●… between him and the Lords of Romagn●… sell to accord with them , in this accor●… there was an article that he should no●… at any time call them all together 〈◊〉 person , the meaning was , that knowing his dangerous nature , if he meant them treason , some one might be free to revenge the rest , nevertheless he did with such art and fair usage win their confidence , that he brought them all together to Councel , where he murt●…ered them all , this act when it was related unto Pope Alexander , Caesar Borgias father by a Cardinal , as a thing happy , but very perfidious , the Pope said , It was they that had broke their Covenant first in coming all together . 6. Pope Julius the third , when he was made Pope , gave his hat unto a youth , a favourite of his , with great scandal , whereupon at one time a Cardinal that might be free with him , said modestly to him , What did your holiness see in that young man to make him Cardinal ? Julius answered , What did you see in me to make me Pope ? 7. The same Julius upon like occasion of speech , why he should bear so great affect on to the same young man , would say , That he found by Astrology , that it was the youths destiny to be a great Prelate , which was impossible , except himself were Pope , and therefore that he did rai●…e him , as 〈◊〉 dr●…er ●…n of his own f●…rtune . 8. Clodius was acquit by a corrupt Jury , that had palpably taken shares of money , before they gave up their verdict , they prayed of the Senate a guard , that they might do their consciences freely , for Clodius was a very seditious young Noble man , whereupon all the World gave him for condemned , but acquitted he was . Catulus the next day , seeing some of them that had acquitted him together , said to them , What made you to ask of us a guard ? were you afraid your mony should have been taken from you ? 9. Diogenes having seen that the Kingdom of Macedon , which before was contemptible , and low , began to come alost , when he died , was asked how he would be buried , he answered , With my face downward ; for within a while the world will be turned upside down , and then I shall lie right . 10. Sir Nicolas Bacon , being appointed a Judge for the Northern Circuit , and having brought his Trials that came before him to such a passe , as the passing of Sentence on Malefactors , he was by one of the Malesactors mightily importuned for to save his life , which when nothing that he had said did avail , he at length desired his mercy on the account of kindred : Prethee said my Lord Judge , how came that in ? Why , if it please you my Lord , your name is Bacon , and mine is Hog , and in all ages Hog and Bacon have been so near kindred that they are not to be separated . I but replied Judge Bacon , you and I cannot be kindred , except you be hanged ; for Hog is not Bacon until it be well hanged . 11. Two Scholars and a Countrey man travelling upon the Road , one night lodged all in one Inn , and supt together , where the Scholars thought to have put a trick upon the Countrey man which was thus ; the Scholars appointed for supper two Pigeons and a fat Capon , which being ready , was brought up , and they having sate down , the one Scholar took up one Pigeon , the other Scholar took the other Pigeon , thinking thereby that the Countrey man should have sate still until that they were ready for the carving of the Capon , which he perceiving , took the Capon , and laid it on his trencher , and thus said , Daintily contrived , every one a bird . 12. Themistocles in his lower fortune was in love with a young Gentleman , which scorned him ; when he grew to his greatness , which was soon after , the young Gentleman sought to him , but Themistocles said , We are both grown but wise too late . 13. Jack Roberts was desired by his Taylour , when the reckoning grew somewhat high , to have a Bill of his hand . Roberts said , I am content , but you must let no man know it ; when the Taylour brought him the Bill , he tore it as in choler , and said to him , You use me not well , you promised me that no man should know it , and here you have put in : Be it known unto all men by these Presents . 14. Sir Walter Raleigh was wont to say of the Ladies of Queen Elizabeths Privy Chamber , and Bed Ch●…mber , That they were like Wi●…es , they could do hurt , but they could do no good . 15. Bim that was an Athlest , was shewed in a Port City , in a Temple of Neptune , many Tables or Pictures , of such as had in Tempests made their vows unto Neptune , and were saved from shipwrack , and was asked , How say you now ; Do you not acknowledge the power of the Gods ? she said ●…o , but where are they painted , that have been drowned after their vows ? 16. Bias was sailing ; and there fell out a great Tempest , and the Marriners , that were wicked and dissolute fellows called upon their Gods , but Bias said unto them , Peace , let them not know ye are here . 17. There was a Minister deprived for inconformity , who said , to some of his friends , that if they deprived him , it should cost an hundred mens lives , the party understood it , as if being a turbulent fellow , he would have moved sedition , and complained of him , whereupon being convented and opposed upon that speech , he said his meaning was , That if he lost his benefice , he would practise Physick , and then he thought he should kill an hundred men in time . 18. Michael Angle , the famous Painter painting in the Popes Chappel , the Portraiture of Hell and damned souls , made one of the damned souls so like a Cardinal that was his enemy , as every body at first sight knew it , whereupon the Cardinal complained to Pope Clement desiring it might be defaced , who said unto him , Why , you know very well , I have power to deliver a soul out of Purgatory , but not out of Hell. 19. Alcibiades came to Pericles , and stayed a while ere he was admitted , when he came in , Pericles civilly excused it , and said , I was studying how to give my account , but Alcibiades said to him , If you will be ruled by me , study rather how to give no account . 20. Cicero was at dinner , where there was an ancient Lady that spake of her years , and said she was but forty years old , one that sate by Cicero , rounded him in the ear , and said she talks of forty years , and she is far more out of question : Cicero answered him again , I must believe her , for I have heard her say so , any time these ten years . 21. There was a Souldier , that vanted before Julius Cesar , of hurts he had received in his face : Julius Cesar knowing him to be a Coward , told him , You were left take heed next time you run away , how you look back . 22. Secretary Bourns son kept a Gentlemans wife in Shropshire , who lived from her husband with him , when he was weary of her he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home , and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation : The Gentleman went to Sir Henry Sidney , to take his advice upon this offer , telling him , that his Wife promised now a new life ; & to tell him truth , five hundred pounds would come well with him ; and besides that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed . By my Troth , said Sir Henry Sidney , take her home , and take the mony , then whereas other Cukolds wear their horns plain , you may near yours guilt . 23. When Rablais , the great jester of France , lay on his death bed , and they gave him the extream unction , a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards , and asked him how he did , Rablais answered , Even going my journey , they have greased my boots already . 24. When Vespasian passed from Jury to take upon him the Empire , he went by Alexandria , where remained two famous Philosophers , Apollonius , and Euphrates ; the Emperour heard them discoursing touching matters of State , in the presence of many , and when he was weary of them , he brake off in a secret der●…sion , finding their discourses , but speculative , and not to be put in practice , said , O that I might govern wise men , and wise men govern me . 25. Mr. Bromley Sollicitor , giving in evidence for a deed , which was impeached to be fraudulent , was arged by the Councel on the other side with this presumption , that in two former s●…its when Title was made , that deed was passed over in silence , and some other conveyance stood upon : Mr. Justice C●…iline taking in with that side , asked the Sollicitor , I pray thee Mr. Sollicitor , let me ask you a familiar question , I have two geldings in my Stable ; I have divers times business of importance , & still I send forth one of my Geldings and not the other , would you not think I set him aside for a Jade ? No my Lord , said Bromley , I would think you spared him for your own Saddle . 26. Alphonso Cartillo was informed by his Steward of the greatness of his expence being such as he could not hold out with , the Bishop asked him , wherein it chiefly rose , his Steward told him in the multitude of his Servants ; the Bishop bid him make a note of those that were necessary , and those that might be put off , which he did , and the B●…shop taking occasion to read it before most of his Servants , said to his Steward , Well , let these remain , because I need them , and these other , because they need me . 27. Queen Elizabeth was wont to say other instructions to get officers , That they were like to garments , strait at the first putting on , but did by and by near hose enough . 28. Thales as he looked upon the stars , fell into the water , whereupon it was after said , That if he had looked into the water he might have seen the stars , but looking up to the Stars , he could not , see the water . 29. The Book of deposing Richard the second , and the coming in of Henry the fourth , supposed to be written by Doctor Heywood , who was committed to the Tower for it , had much incensed Queen Elizabeth , and she asked Master Bacon , being then of her learned Councel , whether there were no Treason contained in it , Master Bacon intending to do him a pleasure , and to take off the Queens bitterness with a jest , answered , No Madam , for Treason I cannot deliver opinion , that there is any , but very much felony : the Queen apprehending it gladly , asked how and wherein ? Master Bacon answered , Because he had stollen many of his Sentences and conceits out of Cornelius Tacitus . 30. A man and his wife in bed together , she towards morning pretended her self to be ill at ease , desiring to lie on her husbands side , so the good man to please her came over her , making some short stay in his passage over , where she had not long lain , but desired to lie in her old place again , quoth he how can it be effected , she answered , come over me again , I had rather , said he go a mile and a half about . 31. A Thief being arraigned at the Bar , for stealing of a Mare , in his pleading urged many things in his own behalf , and at last nothing availing , he told the Bench , the Mare rather stole him , than he the Mare , which in brief he thus related , that passing over several grounds about his lawful occasions , he was pursued close by a fierce Mastive dog , & so was forced to save himself by leaping over a hedge , which being of an ag●…l body he effected , and in leaping , a Mare standing on the other side of the hedge , leaped upon her back , who running furiously away with him he could not by any means stop her until he came to the next Town , in which Town the owner of the Mare lived , and there was he taken and here arraigned . 32. Popham when he was Speaker , and the lower house had sate long , and done in effect nothing , coming one day to Queen Elizabeth , she said unto him , Now Mr Speaker , what hath passed in the lower House , he answered , If it please your Majesty seven weeks . 33. Pope Xystus the fifth , who was a poor mans Son , and his Fathers house ill thatcht , so that the Sun came in , in many places , would sport with his ignobility , and say , he was Son of an illustrious house . 34. When the King of Spain conquered Portugal , he gave a special charge to the Lieutenant , that the Souldiers should not spoil , lest he should alienate the hearts of the people . The Army also suffered much scarcity of victual , whereupon the Spanish Souldiers would afterwards say , That they had won the King a Kingdom , as the Kingdom of heaven useth to be won , by fasting and abstaining from that that is another mans . 35. Master Savill was asked his opinion touching Poets , who answered , He thought them the best Writers next to those that write Prose . 36. Master Mason of Trinity Colledge , sent his Pupil to another of the Fellows to borrow a Book of him , who told him I am loath to lend my Books out of my Chamber , but if it please thy Tutor ●…o come and read upon it in my Chamber , he shal as long as he will. It was winter , and some daies after the same Fellow sent to Mr. Mason to borrow h●…s Bellows , but Master Mason , said to his Pupil , I am loath to lend my Bellows out of my Chamber , but if thy Tutor would come and blow the Fire in my Chamber , he shall as long as he will. 37. Nero did cut a youth , as if he would have transformed him into a woman , and called him Wife : there was a Senator of Rome , that said secretly to his friend , It was pity Nero's father had not had such a Wife . 38. A notorious Rogue being brought to the Bar , and knowing his case to be desperate , instead of pleading he took to himself the liberty of jesting and thus said , I charge you in the King●… name , to seise and take away that man ( meaning the Judge ) in the red Gowns for I go in danger of my life because of him . 39. Galba succeeded Nero , and his age being much despised , there was much licence and confusion in Rome , whereupon a Senator said in full Senate , It were letter live where nothing is lawful , than where all things are lawful . 40. In Flanders by accident , a Flemish Tiler fell from the top of a house upon a Spaniard , and killed him , though he escaped himself , the next of the blood prosecuted his death with great violence , and when he was offered pecuniary recompence , nothing would serve him , but Lex talionis , whereupon the Judge said to him , That if he did urge that sentence it must be , that he should go up t●… the top of the house , and then fall down upon the Tiler . 41. Queen Elizabeth was delatory enough in suits of her own nature , and the Lord Treasurer Burleigh to feed her humour , would say to her , Madam , You do well to let Suitors stay ( for I shall tell you ) if you grant them speedily , they will c●…e again the sooner . 42. They feign a Tale of Sextus Quintus , that after his death he went to Hell , and the Porter of Hell said to him , you have some reason to offer your self to this place , but yet I have order not to receive you , you have a place of your own , Purgatory , you may go thither : so he went away , and sought Purgatory a great while , and could find no such place . Upon that he took heart and went to Heaven , and knocked , and Saint Peter asked who was there ? he said Sextus Pope , whereunto St. Peter said , why do you knock ? you have the keys , Sextus answered , It is true , but it is so long since they were given , as I doubt the wards of the lock be altered . 43. A rough hewn Seaman being brought before a wise J●…st ass , for some misdemeanour , was by him sent away to prison , and being somewhat refractory after he heard his doom , insomuch as he would not stir a foot from the place he stood , saying , it were better to stand where he was , than go to a worse place . The Justice thereupon to shew the strength of his learning , took him by the shoulder , and said , Thou shalt go Nogus vogus , instead of Nolens volens . 44. Charles King of Swedon , a great enemy of the Jesuits , when he took any of their Colledges , he would hang the old Jesuites , and put the young to his Mines , saying , That since they wrought so hard above ground , he would try how they could work under ground . 45. In Chancery , one time , when the Councel of the parties set forth the boundary of the Land in question , by the plot , and the Councel of one part said , we lie on this side my Lord , and the Councel of the other part said , we lie on this side . The Lord Chancellour Hatton stood up and said . If you lie on both sides , whom will you have ●…e to believe ? 46. Sir Amice Pawlet when he saw too much hast made in any matter , was wont to say , Stay a while that we may make an end the sooner . 47. The Deputies of the Reformed Religion , after the Massacre which was upon St. Bartholomews day , treated with the King and Queen-mother , and some other of the Councel , for a peace , both sides were agreed upon the Articles , the question was upon the security of performance , after some particulars propounded and rejected , the Queen Mother said , Why , is not the word of a King sufficient security ? One of the Deputies answered , No by Saint Bartholomew , Mad●…m . 48. When the Archduke did raise his siege from Grave the then Secretary came to Queen Elizabeth , and the Queen having intelligence first , said to the Secretary , Wot you what , the Archduke is risen from the grave ! he answered , What without the Trumpet of the Archangel ? the Queen replied , yes without sound of Trumpet . 49. Francis the first of France , used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised : so walking one day in the company of the Cardinal of Burbon , near Paris , he met with a peasant with a new pair of shoes upon his arm ; so he called him unto him , and said , By our Lady , these be good shoes , What did ●…ey cost thee ? the Peasant said g●…esse , the King said , I think some five fols , saith the Peasant you have lied but a Carlois , What villa●…n said the Cardinal of Burbon , thou art dead , it is the King , the Peasant replyed , The Devil take him of you and me that knew so much . 50. Dionysius the tyrant after he was deposed and brought to Corinth , kept a School , many used to visit him , and amongst others , one when he came in opened h●…s Mantle , and shook his cloaths , thinking to give Dionysius a gentle scorn , because it was the manner to do so for them that came in to him whilst he was Tyrant , but Dionysius said , I pray thee do so rather when thou goest out , that we may see thou stealest nothing away . 51. Hanniball said of Fab●…us Maximus , and of Marcellus , whereof the former waited upon him , that he could make no progress in his victories , and the latter had many sharp fights with him , That he feared Fab●…us like a Tutour , and Marcellus like an enemy . 52. One was saying that his great Grandfather , and Grandfather , and Father died at Sea , said another that heard him , and I were as you , I would never come at Sea , Why saith he , where did your great Grandfather , Grandfather , and Father die ? He answered where , but in their beds ? saith the other , And I were as you , I would never come to bed . 53. Aristippus was earnest suitor to Dionysius for somewhat , who would give no ear to his suit , Aristippus fell at his feet , then Dionysius granted it , one that stood by said afterwards to Aristippus , you a Philosopher , and to be so base as to cast your self at the Tyrants feet , to get a suit , Aristippus answered , The fault is not mine , but the fault is in Dionysius , that carries his ears in his feet . 54. There was a young man in Rome , that was very like Augustus Cesar , Augustus took knowledge of him , and sent for the man , and asked him , Was your Mother never at Rome ? he answered , No Sir , but my Father was . 55. A Physitian advised his Patient that had sore eyes , that he should abstain from Wine , but the Patient said , I think rather Sir , from wine and water , for I have often marked it in blew eyes , and I have seen water come forth , but never Wine . 56. Solon when he wept for his sons death , one said to him , Weeping will not help , answered , Alas , therefore I weep , because weeping will not help . 57. Solon being asked , whether he had given the Athenians the best Laws , answered , yea , the best of those they would have received . 58. One said to Aristippus , It is a strange thing , Why should men rather give to the poor than to Philosophers ? he answered , Because they think themselves may sooner come to be poor than to be Philosophers . 59. It fell out so , that as Livia went abroad in Rome , there met her naked young men that were sporting in the streets , which Augustus was about to punish severely in them , but Livia spake for them , and said , It was no more to chast women than so many Statues . 60. A debaucht Seaman being brought before a Justice of Peace upon the account of swearing , was by the Justice commanded to deposit his Fine in that behalf provided , which was two shillings , he thereupon plucking out of his pocket a half-crown , asked the Justice what was the rate he was to pay for cursing , the Justice told him six pence , quoth he then , A Pox take you all for a company of knaves and fools , & there 's half a crown for you , I wil never stand changing of mony 61. Augustus Cesar was invited to supper , by one of his old friends , that had conversed with him in his lesse fortunes , and had but ordinary entertainment , whereupon at his going away he said , I did not know that you and I were so familiar . 62. Augustus Caesar would say , That he wondred that Alexander feared he should want work , having no more to conquer , as if it were not as hard a matter to keep , as to conquer . 63. Antigonus when it was told him , that the enemies had such vollies of arrows , that they did hide the Sun , said , That falls out well , for it is hot weather , and we shall fight in the shade . 64. Augustus Caesar did write to Livia , who was over sensible of some ill words that had been spoken of them both , Let it not trouble you my Livia , if any man speak evil of us , for we have enough , that no man can do ill unto us . 65. Agathocles after he had taken Syracusa , the men whereof during the siege had in a bravery spoken of him all the villany , that might be , sold the Syracusians for slaves , and said , Now if you use such words of me , I will tell your Masters of you . 66. Dionysius the elder , when he saw his son in many things very inordinate , said to him , Did you ever know me do such things , ? his son answered , No , but you had not a Tyrant to your Father ; the father replied , no nor you if you take these courses , will have a Tyrant to your S●…n . 67. Calisthenes the Philosopher , that followed Alexanders Court , and hated the King , was asked by one , how one should be●…me the famousest m●…n in the world , answered , by taking away him that is . 68. Sir Edward Coke was wont to say when a great man came to Dinner to him , and gave him no knowledge of his coming , Well , since you sent me no w●…rd of your coming , you shall dine with me , but if I had known of your coming , I would have dined with you . 69. Diogines begging , as divers Philosophers then used , did beg more of a prodigal man , than of the rest that were present , whereupon one said to him , See your business , that when you see a liberal mind , you will take most of him , said Diogines , but I mean to beg of the rest again . 70. Sir Nicolas Bacon being Keeper of the Seal , when Queen Elizabeth in Progress came to his house at Redgrave , and said to him , My Lord , what a little house have you gotten ? said , Madam , my house is well , but it is you that have made me too great for my house . 71. Agesilaus , when one told him there was one did excellently counterfeit a Nightingale , and would have had him heard him , said , Why , I have heard the Nightingale her self . 72. A great Nobleman upon the complaint of a servant of his , laid a Citizen by the heels , thinking to bend him to his servants desire , but the fellow being stubborn the servant came to his Lord , and told him , your Lordship I know hath gone as far , as well you may , but it works not ; for yonderfellow is more perverse than before . Said my Lord , Le ts forget him a while , and then he will remember himself . 73. One came to a Cardinal in Rome , and told him that he had brought his Lordship a dainty white Palfrie , but he fell lame by the way , saith the Cardinal to him , ●…e tell thee what thou shalt do , go to such a Cardinal , and such a Cardinal , naming him half a dozen Cardinals , and tell them as much , and so whereas by thy horse if he had been sound , thou couldst have pleased but one , with thy lame horse thou maist please half a dozen . 74. A witty Rogue coming into a lace-shop , said he had occasion for some lace , choice where of being shewed him , he at last pitched upon one pattern , and asked them how much they would have for so much as would reach from ear to ear , for so much he ●…ad occasion for , they told him for so much : so some few words passing between them , he at last agreed , and told down his mony for it , and began to measure on his own head , thus sa●…ng , One ear is here , and the other is nailed to the Pillory in Bristoll , and I fear you have not so much of this Lace by you at present as will ●…erfect my bargain ; therefore this piece of Lace shall suffice at present in part of payment , & provide the rest with all expedition . 75. Iphicrates the Athenian , in a Treaty that he had with the Lacedemoni●…ns for peace , in which question , was about security for observing the same , said , The Athenians would not accept of a●…y security , except the Lacedemonians did yield up unto them those things , whereby it might be manifest , that they could not h●●● them if they would . 76. Euripedes would say of persons that were beautiful , and yet in some years , In fairest bodies not only the spring is pleasant , but also the Autumn . 77. After a great fright there came to the Camp of Consalvo the great Captain , a gentleman proudly hors'd and arm'd , Diego de Mendiza asked the great Captain , Who 's this ? who answered , It is St. Hermes , that never appears but after a stor●… 78. There was a Captain sent to a●… exploit by his General , with forces tha●… were not likely to atchieve the enterprize , the Captain said to him , Sir , appoint but half so many , why saith the General ? the Captain answered , Because it is better fewer dye than more . 79. They would say of the Duke o●… Guise , Henry that had sold and mortgaged all his Patrimony to suffice th●… great gifts that he had made , That 〈◊〉 was the greatest Usurer of France , becaus●… all his estate was in Obligations . 80. There was a Harbenger who ha●… lodged a Gentleman in a very ill room who expostulated with him somewhat rudely , but the Harbenger carles●● said , You will take pleasure in it when yo●… are out of it . 82. There was one that died greatly in Debt , when it was reported in some company , where divers of his Cretors were , that he was dead , one began to say in good saith , then he hath carried five hundred ducates of mine with him into the other world ; and another of them said , and two hundred of mine ; and some others spake of several sums of theirs : whereupon one that was amongst them said , Well , I see now , that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him , into the other world , yet he may carry other mens . 83. Francis Carvaniel , that was the great Captain of the Rebels of Peru , had often given the chase to Diego Centeno , a principal Commander of the Emperors party , he was afterwards taken by the Emperors Lieutenant J●…soa , and committed to the custody of Diego Centeno , who used him with all possible courtesie , insomuch as Carvaniel asked him , I pray Sir , who are you that use me with this Courtesie ? Centeno said , do you not know Carvaniel●…nswered ●…nswered , in good saith , Sir , I have been so used to see your back , as I knew not your face . Carvaniel , when he was drawn to execution , being fourscore and five years old , and laid upon the hurdle , said , What young in Cradle , old in Cradle ? 84. There is a Spanish Adage , Love without end hath no end , meaning , that if it were begun not upon particular ends it would last . 85. Cato the elder , being aged , buried his wife , and married a young woman , his Son came to him and said , Sir , what have I offended you , that you have brought a step-mother into your house ? the old man answered Nay , quite contrary Son , thou pleasest me so well , that I would be glad to have more such . 86. Philip , Alexanders Father , gave Sentence against a Prisoner , at which time he was drowsy , and seemed to give small attention , the Prisoner after sentence was pronounced , said , I appeal : the King somewhat scared , said , to whom do you appeal ? the Prisoner answered , from Philip when he gave no ear , to Philip when he shall give ear . 87. The same Philip maintained an Argument with a Musician in points of his Art somewhat peremptorily , but the Musician said to him , God forbid Sir , your fortune were so hard , that you should know these things better than I. 88. There was a Philosopher that disputed with Adrian the Emperor , and did it but weakly , one of his friends that had been by , afterwards said , Methinks you were not like your self last day in argument with the Emperor , I could have answered better my self , Why ? said the Philosopher , Would you have me contend with him that commands thirty Legions ? A woman being suspected by her husband for dishonesty , and being by him at last prest very hard about it , made him quick answer with many protestations , That she knew no more of what he said , than the man in the Moon : Now the Captain of the ship called the Moon was the very man she so much loved . 89. Diogenes was asked in a kind of scorn , what was the matter that Philosophers haunted rich men , and not rich men Philosophers , he answered , Because the one knew what they wanted , the other did not . 90. Demetrius King of Macedon , would at times retire himself from business , and give himself wholly to pleasures , one day of those his retirings , giving out that he was sick , his Father Antigonus came on the sudden to visit him , and met a fair dainty youth coming out of his chamber , when Antigonus came in , Demetrius said , the Feaver left me right now . Antigonus replied , I thinkit was he that I met at the door . 91. There was a Merchant far in debt that died , his goods and houshold stuffe was set forth to sale , there was one that bought only his pillow , and said , This Pillow sure is good to sleep upon , since he could sleep that owed so many debts . 92. A Gentleman brought M●…sick to his Ladies Window , who hated him , and had warned him ost away , and when he persisted , she threw stones at him , whereupon a friend of his that was in his company said to him , What greater hon●…ur can you have to y●…ur Musick , than that stones come about you , as they did to Orpheus ? 93. When it was said to 〈◊〉 , The Athenians have condemned you to die , he said again , and Nature them . 94. Dem●…sthenes when he fled from the battel , and that it was reproached to him , said , That he that flies might fight again . 95. Antanaclidas , when an Athenian said to him , the Spartans are unlearned , said again , True , for we have learned no evil , nor vice of you . 96. Alexander when his father w●…shed him to run for the price of the race at the Olympian games , for he was very swift , said , he would , if he might run with Kings . 97. When Alexander passed into Asia , he gave large donatives to his Captains and other principal men of vertue , insomuch as Parmenio asked him , Sir what do you keep for your self ? he answered , hope . 98. Antigonus used oft to go disguised , and listen at the Tents of his Souldiers , and at a time heard some that spoke very ill of him , whereupon he opened the Tent a little , and said to them , If you will speak evil of me , you should ●…o a little further off . 99. Vespasian set a Tribute upon Urine , Tit●…s his Son emboldened himself to speak to his Father of it , and represented it as a thing ●…ndign , and fordid , Vespasian said nothing for the time , but a while after , when it was forgotten , sent for a piece of silver out of the Tribute mony , and called to his Son , bidding him smoll to lie , and asked him whether he found any offence , who said no : Why lo said Vespasian again , and yet this comes out of Urine . 100. Nerva the Emperor succeeded Domitian , who was tyrannical , so as in his time many noble houses were overthrown by false accusations , the instruments whereof were chiefly Marcellus , and Regulus the Emperor ; he one night sl●…pp'd privately with some six or seven , amongst which there was one that was a dangerous man , and began to take the like courses , as Marcellus and Regulus had done ; the Emperor fell into discourse of the injustice and tyranny of the former time , and by name of the two accusers , and said , What should we do with them if we had them na●… ? one of them that was at supper , and a free spoken Senatour said , Marry they should sup with us . 101. There was one that found a great mass of mony buried under ground in his Grandfathers house , and being somwhat doubtful of the case , signified to the Emperor , that he had found such a treasure ; the Emperor made a receipt thus , use it , he writ back again , that the sum was greater than his estate , or condition could use , the Emperor writ a new receipt thus ; Abuse it . 102. A Spaniard was censuring to a French Gentleman the want of devotion amongst the French , in that , whereas in Spain , when the Sacrament goes to the sick , any that meets with it turns back , and waits upon it to the house where it goes , but in France they only do reverence , and pass by , but the French Gentleman answered him , There is reason for it , for here with us . Christ is secure amongst his friends , but in Spain , there be so many Jews and Marannos , that it is not amisse for him to have a convoy . 103. Coranus the Spaniard , at a Table at dinner , sell into an extolling of his own Father , and said , if he should have wished of God , he could not have chosen amongst men a better Father , Sir Henry Savil said , What not Abraham ? Now Coranus was doubted to descend of a race of Jews . 104. Gonsalvo would say , The honour of a Souldier ought to be of a strong web , meaning that it should not be so fine and curious that every little disgrace should catch and stick in it . 105. One of the seven wise men were wont to say , That laws were like cobwebs , where the small flies were caught , and the great brake through . 108. An apprentice of London being brought before the Chamberlain by his Master for the sin of incontinency , even with his own Mistress : the Chamberlain thereupon gave him many Christian Exhortations , and at last he mentioned and prest the chastity of Joseph when his Mistress tempted him , with the like crime of incontinency . I Sir , said the Apprentice , but if Josephs Mistress had been as handsom as mine is , he could 〈◊〉 have forborn . 109. Plato the Divine Philosopher , was wont to say , That the Devil was a Painter to many whore masters , in their leaving afair wife for a soul whore . 110. Bias gave in precept , love as if you should hereafter hate , and hate as if you should hereafter love . 111. Aristippus being reprehended of Luxury , by one that was not rich , for that he gave six Crowns for a small fish , answered , Why , what would you have given ? the other said some twelve pence , Aristippus said again , and six Crowns is no more with me . 112. Julius Cesar , as he posted by was by acclamation of some tha●… 〈◊〉 ●…orned called King , to try how the people would take it ; the people shewed great m●…mute , and d●…stast at it : Cesar finding where the wind stood , fleighted●…it ; and said , I am not King but Cesar , as of they had mistook his name , for Rex was a sirname amongst the Romans , as King is with us . 113. When Crosus for his glory shewed Solon great . Treasure of Gold , Solon said to him , If another come that hath better Iron than you , he will be master of all this gold . 114. There was a Gentleman that came to the T●…lt all in Orange Tawny , and ●…air very ill , the next day he came all in green , and ran worse , there was one of the lookers on askt another , what 's the reason that this Gentleman changeth his colours , the other answered , Sure , because it may be reported , that the Gentleman in the green , ran worse than the Gentleman in the Orange tawny . 115. Aristippus said , That those that studied particular sciences , and neglected Philosophy , were like Penelope's Wooers , that made love to the waiting women . 116. Plato reproved secretly a young man for entring into a desolate liouse , the young man said to him , what for so small a mater ? Plato replied , But Custome is no small matter . 117. Pyrrhus when his friends congratulated to him his victory over the Romans under the conduct of Fabri●…lus , but with great slaughter on his own side , said to them again , yes , but if we have such another victory we are undone . 118. Cineas was an excellent Oratour and States-man , and principal Friend and Councellour to Pyrrhus , and falling in inward talk with him ; and discerning the Kings endless ambition , Pyrrhus opened himself unto him , that he intended first a war upon Italy , and hoped to atchieve it , Cineas asked him , Sir , What will you do then ? then saith he , we will attempt Sicily , Cineas said , well Sir , What then ? said Pyrrhus , if the gods favour us , we may conquer Africk and Carthage , What then Sir , saith Cineas ? nay then saith Pyrrhus we may take our rest , and Sacrifice and feast every day , and make merry with our friends , Alas Sir , said Cineas , may we not do so now without all this ado ? 119. The Embassadours of Afiaminor came to Antonius , after he had imposed upon them a double Tax , and said plainly to him , That if he would have two Tributes in one year , he must give them two seed times , and two Harvests . 120. Lamia the Curtizan had all power with Demetrius King of Macedon and by her instigations he did many unjust and cruel acts , whereupon Lysimachus said , That it was the first time that ever he knew a Where play in a Tragedy . 121. Bisquet , Jester to Francis the first King of France , did keep a Calender of Fools , wherewith he did use to make the King sport , telling him ever the reason why he put every one into his Calendar : so when Charles the fifth passed upon confidence of the noble nature of Francis , through France , for the appeasing of the Rebellion of ●…aunt , Bisquet put Charles the fifth into the Calendar , the King asking the cause , he said , because you have suffered at the hands of Charles the greatest bitterness that ever Prince did from other , and therefore I account it great folly in him that he should trust his person in your hands . Why Bisquet said the King , what wilt thou say , if thou seest him pass in as great safety , as if it were through the middest of Spain , saith Bifquet●… Why then I will put out him , and put in you . 122. Lew●… the eleventh of France , having much abated the greatness and power of the Poets , Nobility and Court of Parliament , would say . That he had brought the Crown out of ward . 123. When Peace was renewed with the French in England , divers of the great Counsellours were presented from the French with Jewels , the Lord Henry Howard was omitted , whereupon the King said to him , My Lord , how haps it , that you have not a Jewel as well as the rest , My Lord Henry answered again , alluding to the Fable in Aesop , I am no cock , and therefore have found no Jewel . 124. Ale●…ander sent to Phocion a great present of money , Phocion said to the messenger , Why doth the King send to me ; and to none else ? the Messenger answered , because he takes you to be the only good man in Athens , Phocion replied , If he think so , pray suffer me to be good still . 125. Coso●… Duke of Florence , was wont to say of perfidious friends , that we read , That we ought to forgive our enemies , but we do not read , that we ought to forgive our friends . 125. At a Banquet where those that were called the seven wise men of Greece , were invited by the Embassadour of a Barbarons King , the Embassadour related that there was a neighbour King mightier than his Master , pickt quarrels with him by making unpossible demands , otherwise threatning war , and now at that present had demanded of him to drink up the Sea , whereunto one of the wise men said , I would have him undertake it . Why , saith the Embassadour , how shall he come off ? thus saith the wise man , Let that King first stop the Rivers that run into the Sea , which is no part of the Bargain , and then your Master will perform it . 126. At the same Banquet , the Embassador desired the seven , and some other wise then that were at the Banquet every one of them to deliver some Sentence or Parable , that he might report to his King the wisdom of Grecia , which they did , only one was silent , which the Embassador perceiving said to him ; Sir let it not displease you , Why do you not say somewhat , that I may report ? he answered , Re-port to your Lord , that there are of the Grecians that can hold their peace . 127. One of the Romanes said to his friend , What think you of one who was taken in the act and manner of adulterie ? the other answered , Marry I think he was slow at dispatch . 128. Epaminondas , when his great friend and Colleague in war was suitor to him to pardon an offender , denied him ; afterwards when a Concubine of his made the same suit , he granted it to her , which when Pelopidas seemed to take unkindly , he said , Such suits are to be granted to Whores , but not to Personages of worth . 129. The Lacedemonians had a Custome to speak very short , which being in Empire they might do at pleasure , but after their defeat at Leuctra , in an Assembly of the Grecians , they made a long invective against Epaminondas , who stood up , and said no more but this , I am glad we have taught you to speak long . 130. Fabius Maximus being resolved to draw the war in length , still waited upon Hannibals progress to curb him , and for that purpose he encamped upon the high grounds , but Terentius his Colleague fought with Hannibal , and was in great peril of overthrow , but then Fabius came down the high grounds , and got the day , whereupon Hannibal said , That he did ever think that that same cloud that hanged upon the Hills , would at one time or other give or produce a Tempest . 131. There was a Cowardly Spanish Souldier , that in a defeat the Moores gave , ran away with the foremost , afterwards when the Army generally fled , this Souldier was missing , whereupon it was said by some that he was slain , No sure , saith one , he is alive , for the Moores eat no Hares flesh . 132. Hanno the Carthaginian was sent Commissioner by the State after the second Carthaginian war to Rome , to supplicate for peace , & in the end obtained it , yet one of the sharper Senators said , you have often broken with us the Peace whereunto you have often been sworn , I pray by what Gods will you swear now ? Hanno answered , By the same gods that have punished the former perjury so severely . 133. Thales being asked when a man should marry , said , Young men not yet , old men not all . 134. A Company of Scholars going together to catch Conies , carried one Scholar with them , which had not much more wit than he was born with , and to him they gave in charge , that if he saw any he should be silent for fear of scaring of them , but he no sooner espied a Company of Rabbits before the rest , but he cried aloud , Ecce multi Cuniculi , which in English signifies , behold many Conies , which he had no sooner said , but the Conies ran to their boroughs , and he being checked by them for it , answered , Who the Devil would have thought that the Rabits understood L●…tine ? 135. Cesar after first he had possest Rome , Pompey being fled , offer'd to enter the sacred Treasury to take the monies that were there stored , Metellus Tribune of the people did forbid him , and when Metellus was violent in it , and would not desist , Cesar turned to him , and said , Presume no further , or I will lay you dead , and when Metellus was with these words somewhat astonished , Cesar added , Young man it had been easier for me to do this , than to speak it . 136. The Councel did make Remonstrance to Queen Elizabeth of the continual conspiracios against her life , and namely of a late one , and shewed her a Rapier taken from a Conspiratour that had a false chape being of brown paper , but guilt over , as it could not be known from a chape of metal , which was devised to the end , that without drawing the Rapier might give a stab , and upon this occasion advise her that she should go lesse abroad to take the air weakly accompanied , as she used , but the Queen answered , That she had rather be dead , than put in custody . 137. Chilon would say , That gold was tried with the touch-stone , and men with gold . 138. Zelon was the first of the Ottomans that did shave his beard , whereas his Predecessors wore it long , one of the Bashawes asked him why he altered the custome of his Predecessors , he answered , Because you Bashaws shall not lead me by the beard , as you did th●…m . 139. A Welshman being at a Sessions house , and seeing the Prisoners hold up hands at the Bar , related to some of his their acquaintance , That the Judges were good fortune tellers , for if they did but look upon their hands , they could certainly tell whether they should live or dye . 140. Queen Elizabeth was entertained by my Lord Burleigh at Theobalds , and at her going away , my Lord obtained of the Queen to make seven Knights , they were Gentlemen of the Countrey of my Lords friends and neighbours , they were placed in a rank as the Queen should passe by the Hall , and to win Antiquity of Knighthood in order as my Lord favoured , though indeed the more principal Gentlemen were placed lowest : The Queen was told of it and said nothing , but when she went along she passed them all by , as far as the Skreen , as if she had forgot it , and when she came to the Skreen she seemed to take her self with the manner , and said , I had almost forgot what I promised , with that she turned back , and knighted the lowest first , and so upward , whereupon Mr. Stanhope of the Privy Chamber a while after told her , Your Majesty was too Politick for my Lord B●…rleigh , she answered , I have but fulfilled the Scripture : the first shall be last , and the last first . 141. Anacharsis would say concerning the popular Estates of Greece , that be wondred how at Athens wise men did propose and fools did dispose . 142. Solon compared the people unto the Sea , and Oratours and Councellours to the winds ; for that the Sea would be calm and quiet , if the winds did not trouble it . 143. Socrates was pronounced by the Oracle of Delphos , to be the wisest man of Greece , which he would put from himself Ironically , saying , There would be nothing in him to verifie the Oracle , except this , that he was not wise , and knew it , and others were not wise , and knew it not . 144. Cato the elder , what time many of the Romanes had Statues erected in their honour , was asked by one in a kind of wonder , why he had none , answered , He had much rather men should ask and wonder why he had no Statue , than why he had a Statue . 145. Sir Fulk Greenvil had much and private access to Queen Elizabeth which he used honourably , and did many men good , yet he would say merrily of himself , That he was like Robin good-fellow , for when the Maids spilt the milk-pans , or kept any racket , they would lay it upon Robeen , so what the Ladies about the Queen told her , or other bad offices that they did , they would put it upon him . 146. Socrates , when there was shewed him the book of Heraclitus the obscure , and was asked his opinion of it , answered . Those things which I understood were excellent , I imagine so were those that I understood not , but they require a diver of Delos . 147. Bion asked an envious man , that was very sad , What harm had befaln unto him , or what good had befaln unto another man. 148. Stilpo the Philosopher , when the people flocked about him , and that one said to him , the people come wondring about you , as if it were to see some strange beast , No , saith he , it is to see a man which Diogenes sought with his Lanthorn at noon day . 149. A man being very jealous of his wife , insomuch that which way soever she went , he would be prying at her heels , and she being so grieved thereat , in plain terms told him , That if he did not for the future leave off his proceedings in that nature , she would graft such a pair of horns upon his head , that should h●…nder him from coming out of any door in the house . 150. Caius Marius was General of the Romanes against the Cimbers , who came with such a Sea of multitudes upon Italy ; in the fight there was a band of the Caducians of a thousand that did notable service : whereupon after the fight , Marius did denison them all for Citizens of Rome , though there was no Law to warrant it : one of his friends did represent it to him , that he had transgressed the Law , because that Priviledge was not to be granted , but by the people , whereunto Marius answered , That for the noise of arms he could not hear the Laws . 151. Mr. Bacon would say , That it was in business , as it is commonly in wayes , that the next way is commonly the foulest , & that if a man would go the fairest way , he must go somewhat about . 152. Augustus Cesar out of great indignation against his two Daughters , and P●…sthumus Agrippa his Grand-child , whereof the two first were infamous , and the last otherwise unworthy , would say , That they were not his seed , but some imposthumes that had broken from him . 153. A Citizen of London passing the streets very hastily , came at last where some stop was made by Carts , and some Gentlemen talking together , who knew him , where being in some passion that he could not suddenly pass , one of them in this wise spoke unto him , That others had past by and there was room enough only he could not tell whether their horns were so wide as his . 154. Pompey did consummate the war against Sertorius , when Metellus had brought the enemy somewhat low , he did also consummate the war against the fugitives whom Crassus had before defeated in a great Battel , so when Lucullus had had a great and glorious victory against Mithridates , yet Pompey by means his friends made , was sent to put an end to that war ; whereupon Lucullus taking indignation , as a disgrace offered to himself , said , that Pompey was like a carrion Cro●… , that when others had struck down bodies , he came to prey upon them 155. Epictetus used to say , That one of the vulgar , if any ill happens to him , blames others , a novice in Philosophy blames himself , and a Philosopher blames neither the one nor the other . 156. Hiero visited by Pythagoras , asked him , of what condition he was ? Pythagoras answered , Sir , I know you have been at the Olympian games : yes sa●…th Hiero , Thither saith Pythagoras , come some to win the prizes , some come to sell their Merchandise , because it is a kind of Mart of all Greece , some come to meet their friends , and make merry , because of the great confluence of all sorts , others come only to look on , meaning it of Philosophy , and the contemplative life . 157. Plato the Divine said , That riches were like muck and dung , when it lay upon an heap , it gave but a stench and ill odour , but when it was spread upon the ground , then it was cause of much fruit : and he further said , That vertuous men were like some herbs and spices , that gave not their sweet smell , until they be broken and crusht . 158. There was a Painter became a Physician , whereupon one said to him , You have done well , for before the faults of your work were seen , but now they are unseen . 159. One of the Philosophers was askt in what a wise man differed from a fool , he aswered , Send them both naked to those that know them not , and you shall perceive . 160. A Tinker passing Cheapside with his usual tone , Have you any work for a Tinker ? an Apprentice standing at a door opposite to a Pillory there set up called the Tinker , with an intent to put a jest upon him & told him that he should do very well if he would stop those two holes in the Pillory , to which the Tinker answered , That if he would but put in his head & ears a while in that Pillory , he would lestow both brasse and nails upon him to hold him in & give him his labor in to the bargain 161. Cesar in his book that he made against Cato , did write to shew the force of opinion and reverence of a man that had once obtained popular reputation , That there were some that found Cato drunk , and they were ashamed instead of Cato . 162. Aristippus sailing in a Tempest shewed signs of fear , one of the Seamen said to him in an insulting manner , We that are Plebeians are not troubled , you that are Philosophers are afraid . Aristippus answered , There is not the like wager upon it , for me to perish , and you . 163. There was an Oratour that defended a cause of Aristippus , and prevailed , afterwards , he ask'd Aristippus , Now in your distress , what did Socrates do you good ? Aristippus answered thus , In making true that good which you said of me . Concerning mony , he further declared , That he took mony of his friends , not so much to use it himself , but to teach them how to bestow their mony . 164. The Lady Paget , that was very private with Queen Elizabeth , declared her self much against her match with Monsieur , after Monsieurs death the Queen took extream grief , at least as she made shew , and kept within her bed-Chamber , and one Ante-chamber for three weeks space , in token of mourning : At last she came forth into her privy Chamber , and admitted her Ladies to have access unto her , and amongst the rest my Lady Paget presented her self , and came to her with a smiling countenance : the Queen bent her brows , and seemed to be highly displeased , and said to her , Madam , you are not ignorant of my extream grief , and do you come to me with a countenance of joy ? My Lady Paget answered , Alas , and it please your Majesty , it is impossible for me to be absent from you three weeks , but that when I see you I must look chearfully . No no , said the Queen , not forgetting her former averseness from the Match , you have some other conceit in it , tell me plainly . My Lady answered , I must ●…bey you , it is this , I was thinking , how happy your Majesty was in that you married not Monsieur , for seeing you take such thought for his death , being but your friend , if he had been your husband , sure it would have ●…st you your life . 164. Sir Edward Dyer , a brave and wise Gentleman , did much believe in Kelly the Alchimist that he did indeed the work , and made gold , insomuch as he went himself into Germany , where Kelly then was , to confirm himself fully thereof , at his return he dined with my Lord of Canterbury , when at that time was at the Table Doctor Brown the Physician , they fell in talk o●… Kelly , Sir Edward Dyer turning to the Archbishop , said , I do assure your Grace , that that I shall tell you is truth , I was an eye-witness thereof , and if I had n●…t seen it , I should not have believed it , I saw Kelly put of the metal into the crusible , and after it was set a little upon the fire , & a very small quantity of the medicine put in , and stirred with a stick of word , it came forth in good proportion perfect gold to the touch , to the hammer , and to the test : said the Bishop , you had need take heed what you say , Sir Edward Dyer , for here is an Infidel at the board . Sr Edward Dyer said again pleasantly , I would have looked for an Insidel sooner in any place than at your Graces Table . Wha●…●…ay you Doctor Brown ? saith the Bishop . Doctor Brown answered after his blunt and hadling manner , the Gentleman hath spoken enough for me . Why , saith the B●…shop , What hath he said ? Marry said Doctor Brown he said , he would not have believed it , except he had seen it , and no more will I. 166. A young Maid having married an old man , was observed on the day of marriage to be somewhat moody , as if she had eaten a dish of chums , which one of her Bridemen observing bid her be cheery , and told her moreover , that are old horse would hold out as long , and as well as a young in travel : to which she answered , stroking down her belly w●…th her hand , But not in this road , Sir. 167. Democritus said , That truth did lie in prefound pits , and when it was got it needed much refining . 168. A Seaman coming before the Judges of the Admiralty for admittance into office in a ship bound for the Indies , was by one of the Judges much sleighted , as an insufficient person for that office which he sought for to acquire , till the Judge telling him , that he believed , that he could not say the poin●…s of his Compass ; the Seaman answered , better than he could say his Pater N●…ster : the Judge replyed , that he would wager twenty shillings with him of that : so the Seaman taking him up , it came to trial , and the Seaman began and said all the points of his Compass very exactly , the Judge likewise said his Pater Noster , and when he had finished it , he required the wager according to agreement , because the Seaman was to say his Compass better than he his Pater Noster , which he had not performed : my hold , quoth the Sea man , the wager is not finished , for I have but half done ; and so he immediately said his Compass backward very exactly , which the Judge failing of in his Pater Noster , the Setman carried away the prize . 169. Doctor Johnson said , that in sickness there were three things that were material , the Physician , the disease , and the Patient , and if any two of these joyned , then they have the victory : for if the Physician and the Patient joyn , then down goes the disease , for the Patient recovers ; if the Physician and the disease joyn , then down goes the Patient , that is , where the Physician mistakes the c●…re ; if the Patient and the disease joyn , then down goes the Physician , for he is discredited . 170. Alexander visited Diogenes in his Tub , and when he asked what he would desire of him , Diogenes answered , That you would stand a little aside , that the Sun may come to me . 171. Diogenes called an ill Musician Cock , Why saith he ? Diogenes answered , because when you crow , men use to rise . 172. There was in Oxford a cowardly fellow that was a very good Arc●…er , he was abused grossely by another , and moaned himself to Sir Walter Raleigh then a Scholar , and ask his advice , what he should do to repair the wrong had been offered him ; Raleigh answered , Why challenge him at a match of shooting . 173. Whitehead a grave Divine was much esteemed by Queen Elizabeth , but not preferred , because he was against the Government of Bishops , he was of a blunt Stoical nature , he came one day to the Queen , and the Queen happened to say to him , I like thee the better , Whitehead , because thou livest unmarried . He answered , In troth Madam , I like you the worse for the same cause . 174. There was a Noble man that was lean of visage , but immediately after his marriage he grew pretty plump , and fat , one said to him , Your Lordship doth contrary to other married men , for they at the first wax lean , and you wax fat , Sir Walter Raleigh stood by and said , Why there is no beast , that if you take him from the common , and put him into the Several , but he will wax fat . 175. Diogenes seeing one that was a Bastard casting stones among the people , Bade him take heed , he hit not his Father . 176. Doctor Lawd said , that some Hypocrites and seeming mortified men , that held down their heads like bulrushes , were like little Images that they place in the very bowing of the vaults of Churches , that look as if they held up the Church , but are but puppets . 176. A Noble man of this Nation , famously known for his mad tricks , on a time having taken Physick , which he perceiving that it began well to work , called up his man to go for a Surgeon presently , and to bring his instruments with him : the Surgeon comes in all speed ; to whom my Lord related , that he found himself much addicted to women , and therefore it was his will , that the cause of it might be taken away , and therefore commanded him forthwith to prepare his instruments ready for to geld him ; so the Surgeon prepared forthwith prepares accordingly , and my Lord told him that he would not see it done , and therefore that he should do his work the back way , so both parties being contented , my Lord makes ready , and holds up his A — and when he perceives the Surgeon very near him , he lets she full in his face , which made the Surgeon step back , but coming presently on again ; Hold , hold , 〈◊〉 my Lord , I will better consider of it , for I see the re●…ntive faculty is very weak at the very appro●…ch of such keen instruments . 177. The Lord Henry Howard , being Lord privy Seal , was ask'd by the King openly at the Table , where commonly he entertained the King upon the sudden , My Lord have you not a desire to see Rome ? My Lord Privy Seal answered , yes indeed Sir. The King said , and why ? My Lord answered , because , and it please your Majesty , it was once the Seat of the greatest Monarchy , and the Seminary of the bravest men in the world amongst the Heathen , and then again , because it was the See of so many holy Bishops in the Primitive Church , most of them Martyrs . The King would not give it over , and for nothing else ? My Lord answered , Yes , It please your Majesty , for two things especially , the one to see him who they say hath such a power to forgive other mens sins , to confess his sins upon his own knees before a Chaplain or Priest , and the other is to hear Antichrist say his Creed . 178. There was a Noble man said of great Counsellour , That he would have made the worst Farrier in the world , for he never shod horse but he cloyed him , so he never commended any man to the King for service , or upon any occasion of Suit , or otherwise , but that he would come in the end with a But , and drive in a nail to his disadvantage . 179. There was a curst Page that his Master whipt naked , and when he had been whipt , would not put on his cloaths , and when his Master bad him , Take them you , for they are the Hang-mans Fees. 180. There was a Gentleman sell very sick , and a friend of his said to him , Surely you are indanger , I pray send for a Physician , but the sick man answered , It is no matter , for if I dye , I will die at leisure . 181. There was a Lady of the West Countrey , that gave great entertainment at her house to most of the gallant Gentlemen thereabouts , and amongst others , Sir Walter Raleigh was one , this Lady , though otherwise a stately Dame , was a notable good housewife , and in the morning betimes , she called to one of her Maids , that lo●…kt to the Swine , and asked , are the pigs served ? Sir Walter Raleighs chamber was fast by the Ladies , so as he heard her ; a little before dinner , the Lady came down in great State into the great Chamber , which was full of gentlemen , and as soon as Sir Walter Raleigh set eye upon her , Madam , saith he , Are the Pigs served ? The Lady answered , You know best , whether you have had your breakfast . 182. There was an Epicurian vaunted that divers of other sorts of Philosophers did after turn Epicureans , but that there was never any Epicurean that turned to any other sect , whereupon a Philosopher that was of another sect , said the reason was plain , For that Cocks may be made Capons , but Capons could neuer be made Cocks . 183. An old Baud , being as she supposed on her death-bed was importunned by one who had been a constant customer to her house , that she would put a Girl into his hand , not onely handsom but wholsom , which she accordingly promised , and to that end , called up for one , who appearing , the Gentleman was not in all respects satisfied concerning her , he therefore prest her hard to know assuredly , whether she was according as the old Bawd promised , to which she answered , That she was , and further left it to him to judge with what comfort and confidence she could expect to meet her Saviour , if she should leave the world with a lie in her mouth . 184. A man having backs●…den , so as to raise a maids belly , and it being commonly known , his friends and relations came together on purpose for to reprove him , hoping it might prove a remedy from any such future malady , and every one had a saying to him , and the end of all their sayings was a wondering at him that he should do so , and so : well , he having patiently heard them made this answer , You make a wondering and a wonder that I should get her with child , now that is usual , and therefore no cause of wonder , but you would have had somewhat indeed to wonder at , if you had found that she had got me with Child . APOPHTHEGMS OF Sir THO. MOORE . BY an excellent similitude , Sir Thomas teacheth us why few do fear death , even as they that look upon things afar off , see them conf●…sedly , not knowing whether they be men or trees : even so , he that promiseth unto himself long life , looketh upon death , as a thing afar off , not judg●…ng what it is , how terrible , what grief and danger it brings with it : and that none ought to promise to himself long life , he proveth thus , Even as two men that are brought out of prison to the gallows , one by a long way about , the other by a direct straight path , yet neither knowing which is which , until they come to the Gallows , neither of these two can promise himself longer life by reason of the uncertainty of the way , even so , a young man cannot promise himself longer life than an old man. 2. Against the vanity of worldly honour , he speaks thus : Even as that criminal person who is lead to execution should be accounted vain if he should ingrave his coat of arms upon the Prison gate , even so are they vain who endeavour to leave with great industry , monuments of their dignity in the prison of this world . 3. By a subtil 〈◊〉 he teacheth us , why we are not to think that we can be hurt by the loss of our supers●…ous goods in this manner , He that suffereth any loss of his goods , he would either have bestowed them with praise , and liberality , and so God will accept his will instead of the deed it self , or else he would have wasted them wickedly , and then he hath cause to rejoyce , that the matter of sinning is taken away . 4. To express lively the folly of an old covetous man , he writeth thus , A Thief that is to dye to morrow , stealeth to day and being asked why he did so , he answered That it was great pleasure to him to be Master of that mony but one night : so an old Miser never ceaseth to increase his heap of coin , though he be never so aged . 5. He saith also , That those which give themselves to pleasure and idleness in the time of their Pilgrimage , are like to him who is travelling to his own house , where there is abundance of all things , would yet be an Ostler in an Inn by the way , for to get an Inn-keepers favour , and to end his life there in a Stable . 6. Pleasure saith he , doth not only draw wicked men from Prayer , but also affliction sometime , yet this is the difference , that affliction doth sometimes wrest some short prayer from the wickedest man alive , but pleasure calleth away even one that is indifferent good from all prayer . 7. Against impenitent persons , and such as defer the amending of their lives to the latter end of their daies , he saith thus , A leud fellow that had spent all his life in wickedness was wont to brag that he could be saved , if he spoke but three words at the hour of his death ; riding over a bridge that was broken , his horse stumbling , & not being able to save himself from falling into the water , when he saw himself past recovery , casting away the bridle , he said , The Devil take all , and so with his three words he perished in the River . 8. Even as he that passeth over a narrow Bridge , by reason of his fear often falleth , especially if others say to him you fall , which otherwise he would safely pass over , even so , he that is fearful by nature , and full of pusillanimity often falleth into desperation , the Devil crying unto hi●… , thou art damned , which he would never hearken to , nor be in any danger of if he should take unto him a good heart , and by wholsom councel nothing fear the Devils out-cry . 9. The prosperity of this world , is like the shortest winters day , and we are listed up in it as an Arrow shot upon high , where a short breath do●…h delight us , but from thence we fall suddenly to the earth , and there we stick fast , either bemired with the dirt of insamy , or starving with cold , being pluck'd on t of our feathers . 10. It is a hard thing to touch pitch and not be desiled therewith , a dry stick to be put into the fire , and not to be burnt , to nourish a Snake in our bosom , and not to be stung with it : So a m●…st hard thing it is to be rich and honoured in this world , and not be struck with the dart of Pride and vai●…-glory . 11. Let there be two beggars , who a long time begged together , one of whom some rich man hath entertained in his house , put him in Silk , give him mony in his purse , but with this cond●…tion as he tells him , within a short space he will thrust him out of his doors , and take all that away from him again ; if he in the mean while being thus gallant , should chance to meet with his fellow beggar , would he be so foolish as for all this not to acknowledge him for his companion ? or would he for those few daies happiness hold himself better than he ? applying this to every mans case , Who cometh naked into this world , and is to return naked again . 12. If he be called stout , that hath sortitude , he hot who hath heat , wise that hath wisdom , yet he who hath riches cannot be said presently to be good , therefore riches cannot be numbred among good things . Twenty , yea , a hundred bare heads standing by a Noble man doth not defend his head from cold , so much as his own hat doth alone , which yet he is inforced to put off in the presence of his Prince . 13. He that knoweth certainly , he is to be banished into a strange Country never to return again 〈◊〉 his own , and will not endure that his goods be transported thither , being loath to want them for that little while , rather than ever to enjoy them after , may well be thought a mad man : so are they out of their wits who intic'd with a vain affections to keep their goods alwaies about them , and neglective to give alms for fear of wanting , cannot endure to have their goods sent before them to heaven , when as they know most assuredly , that they shall enjoy them alwaies there , with all plenty , and with a double reward . 14. To ease his thoughts when he was in Prison , He imagined that all the world was but a Prison , out of which every day some one or other was called to execution . 15. When he heard any at his Table speaking detraction , he would interrupt them thus , Let any man think as he pleaseth , I like this room very well , for it is very well contrived , and fairly built . 16. Of an ungrateful person , he would say , That they wrote good turns d●…ne unto them in the dust , but even the least injuries in marble . 17. He compareth reason to an handmaid , which if she be well taught will obey , and faith to the Mistress , ! which is to keep her in awe . 18. He said , That he was a mad man that would drink poyson to take a preservative after it , but he is a wiseman , that spilling the poyson , leaveth the Antidote for him that hath need thereof . 19. When Sir Thomas Moore lived in the City of London , being one of the Justices of Peace , he used to go to the Sessions at New gate , where it fell out , that one of the ancientest Justices of the Bench was wont to chide the poor men whose purses had been cut , for not being more careful , telling them , their negligence was the cause that so many cut-purses were brought thither , which when Sir Thomas Moore observed him so often to repeat at one time , especially , the night after he sent for one of the chief cut-purses that was in prison , and promised to save him harmless , and stand his friend too , if he would cut the aforesaid Justices Purse the next day as he sate on the Bench , and then presently make a sign of it to him : the fellow very gladly promiseth him to do it the next day , therefore when they sate again , that Thief was called among the first , who being accused of his fact , said , he did not doubt but that he could sufficiently excuse himself , if he were permitted to speak to some of the Bench in private , he was therefore bid to chuse one who he would , and presently he chose that grave old man , who then had his pouch at his girdle , as they wore them in those dayes , and whilst he whispered him in the ear , he cunningly cut his purse , and then solemnly taking his leave , returns to his place , Sir Thomas knowing by a private sign , that the business was dispatcht , presently took occasion to move the Bench to distribute some alms to a poor needy fellow that was there , and for good example began himself to do it , when the old man came to open his purse , and sees it cut away , and much wondering said , he was confident he brought it with him when he came thither that morning . Sir Thomas replied presently , What will you charge any of us with felony ? but his choler rising , and he being ashamed of the thing ; Sir Thomas calls the Cut-purse , and bids him give him his purse again , and withal advised the good old Justice hereafter , Not to be so bitter a censurer of innocent mens negligence , when as himself could not secure his purse in that open assembly 20. When he was Lord Chancellour , one of the house of the Manors whom the King had lately preferred to a great honour , who before that had been a great friend of Sir Thomas Moores , but perceiving now that the world began somewhat to frown upon him , because he was not so forward as other men to perswade the King to the divorce , and being desirous to pick so●…e quarrel against him , My Lord , said , Honores mut●…nt mores , Sir Thomas readily replied , It as so indeed my Lord , but Mores signifies in English manners , not More ; which answer put my Gentleman to a nihil di●… . 21. Sir Thomas Moore having le●…t a Gentleman mony in some time afterwards demanded it back of the Gentleman , the Gentleman bid him remember he must dye , and God knows how soon , and that then he should have little use of mony , adding the Se●…ence in Latin , the better to please Sr. ●…h ma●… , Memento morieris : to which Sir 〈◊〉 . presently answer'd , What say you Sir ? methinks you put your self in mind of your duty herein , saying , Memento Moriaeris , Remember Moores mony . 21. It happened on a time●… hat a beggars little dog which she had lost , was sent to the Lady Moore for a Present , and she had kept it about a week very carefully , but at last the beggar having notice where her dog was , presently came and complained to Sir Thomas , as he was sitting in his Hall , that his Lady kept her dog from her , presently my Lady was sent for , and the dog brought with her , which Sir Thomas taking in his arms , he caused his wife to stand at the upper end of the Hall , and the beggar at the lower end , and then saying , That he sate there to do every one justice , He badeach of them call the Dog , which when they did , the dog ran presently to the beggar , forsaking his Lady ; when he saw this , he bid his Wife be contented for it was none of hers : yet she repining at his Sentence , agreed with the beggar , and gave her a piece of Gold : so all parties were satisfied , every one smiling at this strange discovery of truth . 23. Another time a certain friend of his taking great pains about a Book which he intended to publish , being well conce●…ted of his own wit , which no body else thought worth of commendation , and because he would Sir Thomas Moore should observe it e're it were Printed , he brought it to him , who perusing it and finding nothing therein worthy the Presse , said with a grave countenance , If it were in verse , it were more worth ; upon which words he went immediately and turned it into verse , and then brought it again to Sir Thomas , who looking thereon said soberly , Yea marry now it is somewhat , for now it is Rithm , before it was neither Rithm , nor Reason . 24. And what ever Jest he brought forth , he never laughed at any himself , but spoke them so seriously , that few could discern by his look , whether he were in earnest or in jest , as once talking with another in dispute of his Dialogues by some occasion , they happened to speak of a Dogs Turd , at that very instant one of his men came to tell him that dinner was ready , to whom he said , look that there be better mea●… provided for us than that ; who presently went and told his Lady , that his Lord would have better meat provided for his Dinner , which caused a great disturbance in the house , till at last the mistake being known , the sea of their disturbance was calmed in a fit of laughing . 25. Sir Thomas Moore had only daughters at the first , and his Wife did ever pray for a boy , at last she had a boy , which after at mans years proved simple , Sir Thomas said to his Wife , Thou prayedst so long for a boy , that he will be a boy as long as he lives . 26. Sir Thomas Moore the day he was beheaded , had a Barber sent to him , because his hair was long which was thought would make him more commiserable with the people , the Barber came to him , and asked him whether he would be pleased to be trimmed , In good faith honest fellow , said Sir Thomas , the King and I have a suit for my head , and till the Title be cleared , I will do no c●…st upon it . 27. Sir Thomas Moore had sent him by a Suiter in the Chancery two silver flaggons , when they were presented by the Gentlemans servant , he said to one of his men , Have him to the Cellar , and let him have of my best Wine , and turning to the servant said , tell thy M●…ster friend , if he like it , let him not spare it . 28. When Sir Thomas Moore was Lord Chance●…lour , he did use at Masse to sit in the Chancel , and his Lady in a Pew , and because the Pew stood out of sight , his Gentleman Usher ever afte●… Service came to the Ladies Pew , and said , Madam , my Lord , is gone : so when the Chancellors place was taken from him , the next time they went to Church Sir Thomas himself came to his Ladies Pew , and said , Madam , my Lord is gone . 29. In Sir Thomas Moores imprisonment in the Tower , there came one from the Court , for to perswade Sir Thomas to change his mind before he died , of those things which he stood condemned in by the Law , and Sir Thomas being wearied with his importanity , said , I have changed my mind , the C●…tier said , in what ? Sir Thomas replied , in this , That whereas he had intended to be s●…aven , that he might appear to the people , as before he was wo●… , now he was fully resolved , that his beard should take such part as his head did . 30. Sir Thomas Pope visiting Sir Thomas Moore in his imprisonment was very sad , and could not refrain from weeping , which Sir Thomas Moore seeing , to put him out of his melancholy , took his own urinal in his hand , and casting his water said merrily , I see no danger , but that this man ( meaning himself ) might live longer if it had pleased the King. 31. Sir Thomas Moore , who was a man in all his life time , that had an excellent vein in jesting a little before , and at his death delivered himself in this manner coming on the Scaffold , which seemed to him so weak , that it was ready to fall , he said merrily to the Lieutenant , I pray you Mr. Lieutenant , see me safe up , & for my coming down , let me shift for my self ; and to the Execaioner , he said , pluck up thy spirits man , and be not afraid to do thine office , my neck is very short , take heed therefore thou strike not away for saving thine honesty : and at the very instant of his death , having a pretty long beard , after his head was upon the block lift it up again , and gently drew his beard aside , and said , that that had never committed any Treason , nor in the least offended the King , and therefore should not be cut off : and thus passed Sir Thomas Moore out of this world , on the very same day on which himself had most desired , being Saint Thomas day , in the year of our Lord , 1537. FINIS .