A dialogue between Sir R.L. Knight, and T.O.D L'Estrange, Roger, Sir, 1616-1704. 1689 Approx. 43 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 17 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A47840 Wing L1235 ESTC R39017 18206347 ocm 18206347 107084 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A47840) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 107084) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1127:6) A dialogue between Sir R.L. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Oates, Titus, 1649-1705. Popish Plot, 1678. Great Britain -- History -- Charles II, 1660-1685. 2003-11 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-12 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-12 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2004-12 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2005-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A DIALOGUE BETWEEN Sir R. L. Knight , AND T. O. D. LONDON : Printed for Robert Waston , and are to be Sold by the Booksellers of London . 1689. A DIALOGUE . Doctor O. HOld , Sir , why so fast ? Should your Worship now be found scampering again , and upon the Wing , ( though not I hope for Holland ) for all your Pilloring of me , you may chance pass with some People for a Knight of the Post too . Sir R. Indeed Doctor you find me habited somewhat like a Man of Expedition , but not , as you would maliciously insinuate , running away : I see you have none of that distinguishing Faculty which has alway attended my way of Writing : Though I may look like one that is making a sort of Fashionable Retreat , and have the Habitus of a Man in the Mode , yet I am not come to the Modality it self , which is the very Actus that must denominate a man a Run-away . Dr. O. So then , all this Rhetorical Circumlocution serves only to tell us , you are only , what we call in our vulgar Tongue , Absconding . Sir R. Truly I were , as they commonly call it , actually Absconded ; but it was my Fate to fare , as in the Business of your old Friend Sir Patience ; when they were hunting for one Knight , they stumbled in a Garret upon another , who gave them the slip , left me in the lurch ; and the greater Hypocrite of the Two had the better luck ; and so good night Sir Nicholas . Dr. O. Why , methinks you might have taken warning by me too ; I staid also a little too long after the Tide was turn'd : Faelix quem faciunt , &c. was as good a Lesson as ever you learnt on the Fiddle ; and you know what follow'd , Friend , from my Fool-hardiness ; I was forc'd to follow the Cart for it ; and your fiddling Observators help'd to lead me such a Dance , that you would be loth to have such another to the same Tune . Sir R. You had a little hard measure , I must confess , Doctor , and I were a little too smart upon your misfortunes , when your Back-side sufficiently smarted ; and when you were fast enough in the Pillory , I had so little Conscience as to toss you from Pillar to Post in my Papers ; but I hope , since you have been so much Passive , and such a Gospeller , you have learnt somewhat of that Christian Temper , the doing Good for Evil. Dr. O. Why , Friend Roger , I must tell you t●●● in Verbum Sacerdotis , if my Passiveness would do thee any Good , I could suffer whipping once more to Tyburn to see thee hang'd . Sir R. I must confess Dr. O. ( for till now I could never call thee any thing but plain Titus ) , I have been twice very near hanging : You remember when your old Friend Colledge had truss'd me up in his Picture ; but you know Towzer broke the Rope , and left the Joyner to hang in his room : And I han't forgot when my old Master Noll was like to have spoil'd me for an Observator , but my Fiddle brought me off , like Arion with his Harp , and so I weather'd the Storm . Dr. O. But there are some unlucky Sayings that may now spoil your Comfortable Expectations ; The Third Time is commonly fatal too ; and the Pitcher that comes oft from the Well , may be broke at last . Sir R. And so you think at last may my Neck too ; but I hope better Times : However , I must tell you , Titus , after all my Service to the King and Government , and especially the Church of England , I am a little hardly us'd . Dr. O. Hardly us'd , say you ? Soft there , I pray , Hemp and Halter are hard things , I confess ; but yet they may be easily born with , for the Good of the Publick , for the Administration of Justice , and the giving every man his due . But how comes the Church of England to be so much oblig'd to you ? and the Church of Rome not at all ? Sir R. Why truly , as I manag'd the matter , I writ for both Churches , accordingly as they paid me , but still that of Rome I reserv'd to reap the benefit of all that should be done or said for the good of any other ; by the Obligations of Honour and Gratitude I was retain'd to that Party ; for though a Counsel Learned in the Law , may allow himself to take Fees on both sides , yet he is bound in Conscience to plead most strongly for that side which has feed him most ; and he that disciplin'd your Hide so to Tyburn , Titus , that Officer of the Law being over-feed by the Adverse Party , did not spare you in the least for all your Guineys that you gave . Dr. O. So that , if I apprehend you a-right , there is some Honesty even in playing the Knave ; and that you had a constant Sallary for the Catholick Cause , and but some poor Collections from the Church of England . Sir R. Though you were once in my Opinion but a very bad Evidence , I see you are very good at guessing : But for all this , though I design'd to serve none but the Popish Party , I had that jilting Trick to pretend with them too now and then some Coyness , when I had a mind to screw up my Gallants to be more liberal . Dr. O. Verily , Friend Roger , this looks like playing the Rogue , or picking their Pockets , and instead of serving your King's Interest , it was only cheating his Exchequer . Sir R. I car'd not for that , the most that could follow , was but being counted a Knave by both sides , or being call'd so behind my back ; and that will break no Bones : And sure they 'l have more manners than to call a Man of Worship so to his Face . Dr. O. Why , this Worshipful Face of thine was never so graceful upon the Sign-Post in Fleet-street , in any Print-shop or Coffee-house , as when it looks through the Grates of Newgate : Nothing but a Gibbet can make it look with a better Grace . Sir R. Pray be not so severe , let us come to some Understanding ; methinks that Place and the Kings-Bench should have some Correspondence . Dr. O. I scorn your Words , Sir , We keep there better Company than such Observators ; for that 's only Latin for a Spy ; and those , like the worst of Villains , have never any Quarter given them any where . Sir R. Come , come , bona verba precor ; You don't know what Service I did you when you were swearing up your Popish Plot : As I told you above , when the Papists did not pay me well , I could leave them a little in the lurch . Don't you remember a shrew'd Book that would have baffled and burlesqu'd all your Evidence in the very Bud , call'd the Compendium ? Dr. O. I , I , some Popish Rascal , as well as your self , had a mind , as he thought , to run me down . Sir. R. Hold there a little ( but you are Scandalum Magnatum proof ) , it was lookt upon under the Rose , rather to come from some Popish Peer ; a man of Parts , and seem'd to carry some weight with it ; but I took care , for all he was a Lord , because he had not consulted me in composing it , or let it all alone to me and my Two Narratives ; therefore , I say , I took care to get it suppress'd ; besides , my pay was then behind , and my Pension not yet agreed on . Dr. O. Yes , yes , Friend Roger , we know all that peice of Roguery of yours too : Can you think such an Evidence as I was , can be ignorant of your Shams and Devices ; You inform'd against the Printer , got him prosecuted with the Bookseller , and had the confidence to tell them afterward in Confession , that it was only because they begun without your leave to ridicule the Popish Plot too soon ; that you had better Materials for that work ready cut out ; but some Encouragement was wanting , and then as soon as your mercinary Pen had compounded for its Pension , you fall a Dialoguing and Observatoring it away , with my Black Bills and Spanish Pilgrims , till you had spirited away ( as you thought ) all my Plot. Sir R. Prithee man , I believ'd more of that than you do imagine : But why may not a man run down what he has Reason to believe , and what he is really convinc'd of , when there is Ready Money going ? Why , man , dost not thee think I believe the Apostles Creed ? Yet I could have Observator'd that away for a good Sum of Gold ? Dr. O. But why so dear ? when their Master himself was sold for Thirty Pieces of Silver ? Sir R. All things were cheaper in those days , and a Judas might then better betray his God or Religion for those Thirty , than I can now for Five Hundred Broad Pieces ; I could not have kept my Coach upon it : But by the way , Titus , I must tell thee , he was more Fool than Villain , for beating down the Market , and doing such a desperate Jobb for so vile a Price ; why that would have made me hang my self too without Repentance . Dr. O. Gad ha' mercy , Trusty Roger ! I see Religion and the Observator shake hands indeed ; but 't is to take leave of one another : Thy Precept is not , Believe and be sav'd , but to Doubt , though thou art damn'd . Sir R. Why , indeed , I have that Dexterity in Writing , that I can make the World believe I am the only Great Grand-son to Thomas a Didymus : Besides Scepticism , even in Sacred Matters , is such a perfect Evidence in this Age , of a man's being an Extraordinary Wit , such a Specimen of his Gentile Breeding and Excellent Parts , that I might as well have walk'd abroad without my Sword , after I was Knighted , as to be servilely bound to believe my Senses . Dr. O. Indeed that Honour was bestow'd in haste ; but the Sun , you know , indifferently shines on Dunghills ▪ Yet some are of Opinion that your Dubbing might have been better perform'd at Windsor , where there are many honester poor Knights made out of decay'd Old Gentlemen . Sir R. Fy , fy , This is not fair : I 'le tell you no more of Salamanca : Come , come , You are a Doctor , and I a Knight . Dr. O. Indeed you have done more Exercise for your Degree , than ever I did for mine ▪ but that 's no matter . Sir R. But do you not think , now af●er all , that I did very great Services to your late King , and promoted , with my Excellent Papers , very much his coming to the Crown ? Dr. O. Doubtless ; and yet after all , some Honest Men are of Opinion , and ever thought thee not so much to write for thy King as for thy Self for Bread , or for those ▪ Whores that would otherwise have brought thee to a morsel of it . Ketch could as well have boasted of his Loyalty , when he was so well paid for exercising my Hide , as the Observator for scourging the Dissenters only for his Sallary . Sir R. Oh! Oh! I see what you would be at ; You would have had me acted like an Honest Man , without Interest and Design : Gad , I was so far from that , where-ever I met with any Copies that came from such hands as seem'd to have nothing but Honesty for their Ends , and such as I was sure had no quarterly payments with me and my Fellow-Labourer , Johnson ; ( I don't mean thy Fellow-Sufferer Julian , Titus , but his Namesake , and a Doctor of another Faculty ) : Why then , though they were never so Learned , or what we call'd Loyal ; I first pickt out the finest Paragraphs , and prettiest Periods , and then put them into Observators , that were ready cut out for Contents : Taylors and Fiddlers , you know , are allow'd to be light finger'd , and then why not Observators too ? Then I either kept the Papers ●nd Writings , or else return'd them , after long keeping , as unseasonable ; as I did by the Works of a worthy Divine , and some others : For Faith , I having gotten into my Hands the whole Monopoly of Observations , could no more suffer an Interloper , than the Gentlemen of the East-India Company ; and I being Deputy-Governour of all the Province call'd Scribble , there was not a Tory Song , or Loyal Ballad , could pass Muster without my leave . Dr. O. Very likely : The poor Ballad singers had a very hard time of it , when their Wind-pipe must be stopt , and the Wretches starv'd , unless they would first spit in thy Mouth , or grease thy Fingers . I am inform'd , if it were a good selling Ballad , you alway went snacks for half . But how the Devil came the Irish Ballad out ? Sir R. O Tempora ! O Mores ! The iniquity of the Times , Titus : This Liberty of Conscience brought in Liberty of the Press again ; and you know I never was for any Liberty , but when I was in a Goal . Dr. O. O! yes , Roger , for the Liberty of Scribling , the Liberty of Evil-speaking , the Liberty of Lying and Slandering , the Liberty of Whoring , or any Christian Liberty , except Liberty of Conscience ; and yet you would fain have been nibbling at that Liberty too , in your Hocus Pocus Answer to the Letter to the Dissenter : and by this thy confounded piece of Nonsense and Contradiction , hast quite baffled all thy Works that ever went before . Sir R. I' Faith , now you have hit upon my Master-piece : There were all Parties concern'd in that matchless , unparallell'd , unimitable , incomprehensible Piece , of Tergiversation , Calumniation , Equivocation , and Replication for Moderation . Dr. O. Poo ! this stuff is just of the same stamp with all that Nonsensical Answer : Was there ever a Fellow that would set up for a Wit in a Coffee-house , who did play the Fool so , as to write a Book that no body could tell what to make of it ? Like the Painter of the Sign-Posts , that was forc'd to put to his Pictures , This is the Lyon , This is the Bear , lest they should be taken for Camels or Elephants : Why , hadst thou not put Answer in the Title Page , it might have past for a Vindication . Sir R. 'T is all one to me : Pox , I cou'd not answer it as it should be ; but I was oblig'd to say somewhat , Harry Care would have got away my Pension else , for saying somewhat to the purpose , so I put upon my Masters the Papists , as Workmen do when they are hir'd by the Whole , make slight work of it ; besides , I printed over the whole Letter ( and that was as much as to say ) let them answer it that can for me : and there I was on the Protestants side again before I was aware of it , for it spread the Letter all over the Kingdom , and was ten times better than my Licence . Dr. O. This indeed is excellent , Roger ; and Roguery all over ; if thee canst but cheat the Devil too , thy work is done : that Old Serpent is said to be full of subtle Invention , and yet thy Distinguishing Faculty , thy playing Fast and Loose , could almost revenge Mankind , and Beguile Him ; it is said , there never was but one word ever puzzel'd Him , and yet thy Answers , like his Oracles , are as full of Amphibologies ; thy Formal Quiddities , and Political Modalities are indeed such nonsensical Nullities , that , in my conscience , the Devil himself does not know what to make of them . Sir R. So they said once of thy Plot too , Titus ; but Time will show what I have been . Dr. O. The greatest Knave , I hope , that ever put Pen to Paper . Sir R. Fy , fy , that 's too broad a word for a Knight . Dr. O. No , no , it was the old English word for it , and you have mightily help't to restore it to its primitive signification . Sir R. I must confess , Titus ( as thy Friend Tom. Hunt has it in the Characters he gives of thy Excellencies ) I have been a little Incurious in what some men call strict Honesty , and a little too Apert in my Prevarications ; but I hope that is not presently down-right Knavery : I writ once a notable Piece against Popery , but that did not take with the Court ; then out comes my Book of Toleration discust , and there I think I tickl'd off the Presbyterians , and laid Liberty of Conscience , Scruple and Zeal , upon their backs as flat as a Flounder ; but as the Devil would have it , presently after out comes King Charles his Indulgence , and then you know I was bound by my place to say somewhat for that too ; but as bad luck would have it again , soon after the Parliament damn'd it , and then again my Cake was dough , so to work I went , and Tantivy'd away the Toleration I had tickl'd up and down before . Then in came'st thee , Titus , soon after , with thy Discoveries , which at first I was for magnifying very much ; for I had not receiv'd my Money , my Ready Rayno , for running it down ; so hesitating some time for the Title of my next Book , ( for you must know I have writ many a Book only for a Title sake , without considering the subject ) then I say , doubting whether I should make thy Discovery , An Horrid Plot and Conspiracy of the Papists ; or the History of Titus and Tale of a Tub , out came the Geldt Man ( for we must have a little Dutch for these Times ) and then I sell a Roguing of you , and you fell a Rascalling of me : But I think I spoil'd your Plot for you . Dr. O. And I think , Roger , I made you run away for it too , as I remember . Sir R. But when I return'd again , you know best what work I made , I did you no small mischief in the management of your Demetrius ; made your Silver-smith , Prance , pay you off in your own Coin ; I manag'd his Retractation just as you had done his Evidence ; and as great a Maker of Shrines as he was for Diana's Temple , I paid him off , I think , with the Brass Screws and Antipendiums . But then , you know , I soon sanctified him again , when I had brought the poor Penitent to Confession ; and a little Pillory-penance , a better Expiation than you put upon Pickering's Bum. But I did him some good offices for the durance he underwent , and sav'd him from dancing the Courant you had led up but a little before , since he was so civil and good natur'd as to depose upon Oath to the Recantation I had ready , and make me famous for a Discoverer as well as Observator . Dr. O. He could never make thee worse than thou wert before , Roger. Sir R. You interrupt me now , Sir , as if you had me at the Old Baily , and none to speak but the King's Evidence ; I were giving you at large an History of the Observator , all famous Authors write their own Lives , you know . After I had thus Observator'd away a Volume or two for the Papists , and made the Churchmen believe 't was all for themselves , I got my Briefs to go about among the Clergy for collecting their Eleemosynary Contributions ; when I was thus farting full , like Virgil's Harpys , I fell a squirting upon the Tables that fed me : I came to my Modalities , my Court-Trimmers ; from thence I advanc'd to my non Obstante , Dernier Resort , Last Appeal ; and were before-hand with the Judges in my Suspending Power , Dispensing Power , Repealing Power ; from my Richard against Baxter , I came to Roger against L — Str — from my Dissenters Sayings , to my Answer to a Letter to Dissenters ; from Toleration Discust , to my taking away Tests and Penal Laws , till these Dutch Devils came and cast me into this Dungeon ; but I see I must say somewhat for them too . Dr. O. But it seems you have nothing to say for dealing thus Ungratefully with the Reverend the Clergy , that so charitably supplied your Necessities . Sir R. No matter for that , I had gratified them before-hand , my Politicks helpt many of them to most excellent Notions in Divinity : You may talk of their Metropolitans and Diocesans , I Gad ! I was always The Guide of the Inferiour Clergie , I taught them at first the fam'd Passive Obedience and Non-Resistance against Higher Powers , till the Reverend Gentlemen ran it up so high , that at last , Gadsookers , we could get no one to make any Resistance at all for the King : They went , I say , beyond the Copy I set them : Their Obedience was at last too Passive , and we could not get them to exercise a little Active Valour for their destruction , against those that came to preserve them . Dr. O. Could any Confidence but Thine set up thus for a Dictator to such a Learned Body , and defame the most Eminent of the London-Clergy , by pretending to instruct them , only because some young Deacons would come to edifie at the delivery of thy Oracles over a dish of Coffee ; and yet you find after all your Knavery , you could infatuate but few of them to be such Fools , as to believe all that was said in an Observator . Sir R. I foresaw that too , and so was before-hand with them ; I found , for all their being posted for Papists in your Courantiers , Intelligences , Packets , and the like , what would follow ; I had a better Nose than your Cares and Curtises , and knew , when it came to pinch , they would shew themselves the stoutest Opposers of Popery ; and that it was to no purpose for me to think of wheadling them into down-right Converts : and therefore notwithstanding their kind Collections , I gave them now and then some sharp Touches ; I told them plainly , I found even in my Church of England many Trimmers and Tekelites ; That the Court was full of them , who crost my interest , and would have stopt my Pay ; then I singl'd out some of them , and Observator'd them to the purpose ; and , like a Deer that I had wounded , would not let them herd again with the Church . Dr. O. Prithee with what countenance , but thy own , couldst thee offer , Roger , to abuse so many Persons of more Quality , Honesty , and Loyalty than thy self ? Sir R. Why , Man ? What dost thee talk of Quality and Loyalty ? I neither spar'd the Loyal Parliament it self , that kept your Late King out of Monmouth's Clutches ; for thou knowest , Titus , they hung an Arse afterward , when it was come to Qualifie all Papists by an Act of Parliament ; but you know I was for it , with my Brother Member and Amaneunsis , both you know of B — d H — d's making , and we were bound to do somewhat for our Benefactor ; but tho' I could not speak so much in the House , having not that gift of Tongues , I made it up the next day in Observators , and there you would be sure to have my Speeches and Answers of Parliament ; insomuch , that , when a certain bold Gentleman ( whom perhaps an ordinary Capacity may respect and esteem , as of a noble Family , an ingenuous Person and excellent Lawyer ) did but venture to pass a little Reflection upon me in the House of Commons , I answer'd him the next day in my News-Book ; and there I think I met with his Membership for all the Priviledge of Parliament : but I had my revenge at last , for I never left him till from a Court-Trimmer , as he was , and for speaking against me , he was helpt from solliciting any more for the King ▪ Dr. O. Thy Answers and Orations in Parliament , Roger , I perceive were all like that of Mr. Chaloner's , which was call'd A Speech without Doors ; but did it not deserve the Bar for abusing your Members out of door , for what they said in it ? Sir R. Look you now ! a man cannot talk of his Prowess , but you must be plucking down his Plumes with Bars and Imprisonments : I think they ought to have spew'd me out also ; but I fear no Bar now but that of the Old Baily . Prithee let me go on with my Narrative of my self ; by those two I gave you of your Plot , you may perceive I am as good at Narrative as you are : You see how I serv'd my Churchmen with a bit and a knock , that they hardly saw who hurted them ; and you know how I had har'd the Dissenters , till I had almost hunted them into the Church , and when some grave and moderate Divines , by their Mediation , had brought them quite in , and many began to come to Common Prayer : This was like to make an Union among Protestants , and gain our Church of England many Proselytes and much Reputation . Dr. O. But I dare swear you were for none of such Converts . Sir R. No , you may be sure of it : and so to work I went to spirit them out again : I laid my self up a whole week from greater Concerns , to prove , That for all they came to Confession , tho' they conform'd to all the Ceremony of the Liturgie , Responces , Postures , and received the very Sacraments in the Form the Church requires , all this signified nothing , they long'd still for the Flesh-pots of Egypt ; their hearts were not with us , and therefore must be against us . They Trimm'd only with God Almighty , and so I put this Hook into their Nostrils , and return'd them to the place from whence they came ; I prosecuted them into the Church , and then persecuted them out again ; that the Church might not be the better for them , nor they the better for the Church . Dr. O. But I think You were once about shewing the Dissenters a scurvy Trick , and worse than all the rest ; and that was about Sir Edmondbury's business , only some unlucky Circumstances would not let it hang together . Sir R. I saith , I had feagu'd them else ; I had certainly made Him their Martyr indeed , that is , I mean , Martyr'd by them . My two Books would have bid fair for that too ; for when my hand is in , I can prove any thing : but for some certain Reasons I found Felo de se , and the killing of himself , to be the better way . He fell upon his Sword , 't is certain , and that upon Primrose-Hill , I say : which I've made out so plain in my two Treatises , on that Subject , that you may as well disbelieve the Bible , or think Saul never fell so on Mount Gilboa . Dr. O. But there was a plaguy Observation that a certain Chirurgeon made against this , which seems to have some weight with it : When persons do destroy themselves , fall voluntarily on their Swords ; when they are thus run through , the Orifice in the Back from the bent and position of the body , must be higher than that before in the Breast ; whereas the quite contrary appear'd here , and the Orifice behind , where the Sword came out , was lower than that before where the Sword went in . But besides , Mr. Observator , if violent presumptions may take place , and , which a great Lawyer call'd a plain Proof , Mr. Sp — 's being pluck'd in at the same Water-gate only for resembling so much Sir Edm. and his hearing Hill bidding them to let him go , and that they had mistook the Man ; this seems not so ridiculous a Connexion as an Observator may be ready to make it . Sir R. All this I value not a rush : what is Spence to Godfrey ? They are two different Names , they were two different persons , and perhaps the one is alive , and I am sure the other is dead . Dr. O. But are not these a sort of Arguments which you use to call Trifling , and Ribaldry ? Sir R. I , and so they are in any body but the Observator : pray have not I , that have the Licensing of the Press , leave to call things as I please , and make them what I please too ? There were indeed two or three plaguy Affidavits taken by Justice Dolb — n about the business , of persons that saw this unfortunate Gentleman parlying with some certain Fellows the same night at the same Water-gate , when and where he was sworn to be destroyed ; and whatever was the profligate Life of the Witness ( whom you know I set forth with a Witness too ) some credulous men may think Bedloe might be believed on his Death-bed , and his Testimony then taken by the Lord Chief Justice , and publisht under his own Hand ; These ( I say ) are mighty Matters with men of ordinary Capacities ; but what is all this to such a man of Wit and Parts as my self to confute ? Why prithee , had they not been things Vnanswerable , it had been below my Pen to give an Answer to them . You know 't is one of my old Maxims , That Nothing but Print can answer Print ; so that if Judges take Affidavits and Tryals , and the like , and Print them ; and the Parliament their Journals and Votes , and put them into Print ; I say , My Print is as good as Their Print , and I make no more to put them all in an Observator , than I would a Spaniel Dog , or a stoln Horse in an Advertisement . Dr. O. Yes , yes , I remember when it was come to that , that honest Gentlemen were posted up by your pestilent Papers , like so many Dogs and Horses ; only a man might be Observator'd cheaper than They Gazetted : Even Porters and Carmen , instead of boxing it out , could threaten one another with an Observator . Sir R. Why , you know an Old Saying , Better play at small Game than fit out : And when I had drawn the General History of your Plot and Conspiracy quite dry ; then I came to my Minutes and Particulars ; and every day my Mercuries and Mirmidons brought me in a new Man , and more Matter . Dr. O. THE OFFICE OF INTELLIGENCE for Lying and Slandering , should have been writ in Capitals over they very Door . How many honester men have been Carted by it to Tyburn , only for picking a Pocket , while you sate with Authority to rob People of their Reputation that was dearer than Life ? But what think you now , Roger , of my Plot and Conspiracy you say you had drawn so to the Dreggs ? I think it begins to work again , and ferment a little upon the Lees : My Consult at the White Horse Tavern , will appear now no Tale of a Tub. Sir R. Prithee Titus , don't tell me that ; why I tap't it so low , you may remember , till it would run no longer . Dr. O. But the Master of the House has broach'd a new Pipe not long since . What dost thee think , Roger , of the late Petition of the Vintner that drew then the Reverend Fathers their Wine , representing , To the Kings most Excellent Majesty , the great Service he had done him , in concealing and harbouring in his House the Jesuits , under all their Consultations , to the hazard of his Life , and loss of his Trade ; desiring humbly some Consideration , or some Office in the Custom-house ; and this notable Petition order'd to be referr'd to some Persons you know , to consider of some Recompence for his Fidelity — This Instrument ; for we will not call it Evidence , lest you should make it Perjury , may be produc'd as occasion shall serve . Sir R. Fie , this is not fair ; now you come in with new matter , when I can write no longer : You know the Late Rules of Court , There was never to be any more speaking after the King's Council had summ'd up what they had to say , though it was to save a man's Life . But you may talk of introducing Popery by Plots and Secret Consults ; I had a better way than all that : I undertook to perswade the King to make it a Case of Conscience , to promote his Religion , and declare openly , we must all be of it ; for this purpose , you know , I spent several Observators upon the Theologo-political Casuistical Thesis and Opinion , That every Supream Magistrate and Prince was bound in Conscience to answer to God for the Religion of all his Subjects , and make them to conform to that which he thought best . Dr. O. But what if the Turk , by the help of the Most Christian , had over-run all Christendom , and not met with that unlucky Rub at Vienna : Must he not have been bound in Conscience too , to have made us all Mahometans ? Sir R. No matter for that : My Reasons will be Reasons still ; and all the Sayings of the Observator are like some Propositions in the Schools , Aeternae Veritatis , and that in spight of Turk , Jew , Pope or Antichrist . Dr. O. I think by this time we have had a fine and fair History of thy Life and Conversation ; and ( but that I don't care for the word ) I could call it a Compendium of the Observator , or call it Compendium , or Antipendium , or what you will ; or what is more usual with us Evidence , A Narrative : In my Conscience 't is all a true Story . But we King's Witnesses are better acquainted with the Nature of Testimony than some Justices that take it : You have told us the Truth , and nothing but the Truth ; but you have not told us the Whole Truth : After all thy pumping for Evidence , to Dogg that unhappy Gentleman out of his Reputation , after he had been so barbarously Dogg'd out of his Life ; after thy Two Books for the making Sir Edmondbury but a Felo de se , didst thee never say or think thy self , Roger , that he was made away by Papists ? Sir R. Whatever I thought , I am sure I had more Wit than to say so . Dr. O. Then once more upon my Verbum Sacerdotis ; or what is more solemn , upon my reassuming my Priesthood , and redintegrating my self again into my Canonical Habit , which you would have divested me of , in spight of my Indelible Character ; By this good Delivery I have found , and by that Goal-Delivery thee dost fear , I can prove this upon thee , and all that has been here offer'd , as plain as Coleman's Letters , from thy Words and from thy Works , to thy Face at Noon-day ( since you say , I cannot remember Faces so well by Candle-Light ) : I have some of thy Writings to shew for it , besides a Letter under thy scrawling Hand , to a Gentleman in the City , desiring him to lend you some assistance in discovering this Barbarous Murder , which , say you , I am satisfy'd was committed by some zealous and bloody Papists . Sir R. Oddssookers ! Hold thy Tongue ; thou wilt spoil else Two of the best Books I ever put out for the Government . Dr. O. But do not the Brothers and Relations of that miserable Gentleman you have so defam'd for the worst of Felons , a Murderer of himself , stand bound by the Ties of Blood , to pursue thee for thus Tainting of Theirs , as well as arraigning all the Justice of the Nation , the Proceedings of Parliament that were upon it , the Solemn and Judicial Process , Judgments and Executions that follow'd in the Inferior Courts of Judicature . Sir R. I can hold now no longer in good Language ; I see , Titus , thou art still the same malicious , lying , swearing Villain , and wouldst hang me , if thou couldst . Dr. O. I am as good at that sort of Language as you are ; and now no more Sir Knight , but , Sirrah , you are a Rascal , and I shall live to see thee hang'd without my swearing : And when all Honest Men are rid of such a Knave , Then thus I 'le write thy Epitaph , and piss upon thy Grave . The Epitaph . M. S. CAVE VIATOR ! His Mortuus mordet , His jacet Observator inclytus , Nasutus ille Telescopus Iudiciarius Reipublicae Astrologus Qui secundum Poli Elevationem Vel quemlibet Meridiem Politicas suas scripsit Ephemerides : Circulator Egregius Qui Crambe sua repetita Et Stylo Versatili Per , Retrogrados movebatur Epycyclos , Ecce totam Activitatis suae Sphaeram ! In qua celebrata Regibus Fides Hoc solum habuit Primum Mobile Optimam scil . Intelligentiam Angelicum illud , Aurum ! Si Operam spectas INGENS VOLUMEN , Si probitatem codicillus . Dictitator dogmaticus Scriptitator perpetuus Observator sibi Contradictorius . QUI Dictitavit Scriptitavit ( Et tandem ) Pessundavit Omnia . Pro Rege , Phil-Aulicus ; ProCromwello , Proto Musicus ; De Ecclesia Anglicana Romana Presbyteriana Quam Vere Catholicus ; De Omni , & Nulla , bene Meritus : DISSENTIENTIUM Flagellator Satyricus ; Vindicator Responsorius ; Sic & concordat ROGERUS , Dissentiente suo cum RICARDO BAXTERUS , & LE'STRANGIO ; Ultra quod Carmina possunt Fortunati Ambo , Per Octoginta Annos , Totidemque Libros . Hic habes Lector Virum Integrum , haud Integerrimum ; Non ultra est quod Quaera : operibus ; Post Varios Bissextiles Fatalem Climacter cum Invenit Scribendi Cacoëthes Ann. Dom. 1688. FINIS .