The reasons of the new converts taking the oaths to the present government in a dialogue / by the author of the Reasons of Mr. Bay's conversion. Brown, Thomas, 1663-1704. 1691 Approx. 68 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 17 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-08 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A29790 Wing B5073 ESTC R12615 13578310 ocm 13578310 100487 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A29790) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 100487) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 837:15) The reasons of the new converts taking the oaths to the present government in a dialogue / by the author of the Reasons of Mr. Bay's conversion. Brown, Thomas, 1663-1704. [4], 32 p. [s.n.], London : 1691. Written by Thomas Brown. Cf. DNB. Reproduction of original in Union Theological Seminary Library, New York. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Dissenters, Religious -- England -- Early works to 1800. Oaths -- England -- Early works to 1800. Dissenters, Religious -- Early works to 1800. Oaths -- Early works to 1800. 2004-01 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2004-03 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-04 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2004-04 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-07 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE REASONS OF THE New Convert's TAKING THE OATHS TO THE Present Government . By the Author of the Reasons of Mr. Bay's Conversion . In a Dialogue . — Multa in Homine Signa insunt , ex quibus confectura facile fit , Duo , cum idem faciunt , saepe ut possis dicere ▪ Hoc licet Impune facere Huic , Illi non licet , Non quod dissimilis res sit , sed quod qui facit . Ter. — Uxori nubere nolo meae . Mart. London , Printed in the Year 1691. The Preface to the READER . THere needs nothing more be said concerning the following Dialogue , then that it was written about a Month agoe , as several Gentlemen in Town know very well ; and that it had been then Published , but for a particular Reason , that is , not perhaps so very convenient to be told . The Author is not so great a Fool , as to imagine that a little fair Language in the Preface will make any sensible Reader think the better of his Performance ; only he begs ▪ leave to acquaint him with the occasion of Printing it at this time ; especially when so many People of such different Opinions and Characters in the World , have appear'd on the same Subject before him . Last Week there came abroad a certain Poem called the Weesils , which several Persons were at first pleased to lay at my door , though now they are satisfied it was done by another Hand ; the Author of it having since thought fit to own it publickly , and so to take care , that whatever Reputation or Scandal was to be gotten from such an undertaking , might not be carried away by a Stranger . However a certain nameless Rascal about the Town upon no better a ground , than the common Report , which yet the Fellow owns to be a common Liar , charges me with Writing it : And though in the beginning of his Libel , he cants about the Gates of Mercy being always open , and that excellent Rule of not doing to others , what what we would not have done to our selves , yet before he had fully informed himself of his Man , or the merits of the cause , he very honestly recommends it to the pious care of the Doctors Relations to get me knocked in the head for abusing his Lady ; and at last tells the World that I am as proper a Person as any is in the three Kingdoms to be shewn at Chirurgeons-Hall . I am sorry for the Reader 's sake , that this Malicious Wretch is of too mean and sordid a Character for me take him into my consideration ; for otherwise , the Scriber might expect to receive a small cast of my old Office ; and I assure him he should find to his own cost the heaviness of my hand , if I were in humour to give my self the trouble of Ierking him . However before we part , I must tell him , that I have no reason as yet to be so weary of my life , as to desire to be deified after Andrew Marvel's manner : Nor are my obligations to the City Physitians so very great , but that I could be content to see all of them Hanged , before they should ever come to learn Anatamy at the expence of my Tabernacle . If I must be sent to another World , I think 't is but reasonable that it should be for something of my own , and not for the merits of another man ; and therefore for this reason I was resolved to publish the ensuing Dialogue . What served to confirm me further in my resolution to print it , was because it having been transcribed by several hands contrary to promise and without my own consent , it cou'd not fail one time or other to steal abroad ; and according to the common Apology that we Authors use to make in such cases , I was not willing , that what was design'd as a Satyr upon other men , should turn to be a Satyr upon my self . I hope none of our Dissenters are so vain as to imagine that I wou'd ever contribute to make them merry at the charges of any Member of the Established Church ; If they please to turn over two or three leaves , I don't question but they 'll be sensible enough , that I design'd no such matter ; and to say the truth , if a man may guess at the hearts of a People by their Pamphlets and Coffee-house Conversation , one has all the reason in the World to conclude that they 'll preserve the honour of Monarchy under this Reign , much after the same ra●e as they consulted the Security of the Protestant Religion under the last . I was always of opinion , that nothing in the World is so ridiculous as a feeble , impotent Satyr , and that consideration perhaps has carried me sometimes into such heats as I will not pretend to excuse , tho it is easie enough to observe that I have often avoided to pursue my Reflections , even where there was a plausible occasion to do it . 'T is as impossible now to retract what is done upon this score , as it would be foolish to implore the Reader 's Candor to forgive it : But however as this is the first time I ever meddled with so nice a subject , so 't is likely to be the last . The Reasons of the New Convert's taking the Oaths to the Present Government . In a Dialogue between Timothy , and Freeman . Tim. VVHo's that , my old Friend Mr. Freeman , e Comitatu Bucks ? 'T is the very same , I 'll e'ne go and renew my Acquaintance with him . Dear Sir , your Humble Servant ; how have you done this many a fair day , and how long have you been in Town ? Freeman . But just come out of the Coach , as you may perceive , where it has been my misfortune to do Pennance all the way , in such intolerable Company , as never any Man was plagued with ; Men of no Sense or Reason , yet Mighty Politicians , and ten times more troublesom . Tim. Than Damnation Burgess , when he 's answering Cases of Conscience , or Millington at an Auction , or a Scotch-man upon an occasional Sermon : But prethee who had you got with you ? Freem . There was a venerable old Gentleman , that by the Courtesy of the late Reign , was made a Iustice of Peace ; and he was declaiming perpetually upon the Puissance and Heroical Vertues of Louis le Grand , whom he fancied to be as irresistible at the Calvinist Divines make God's Grace . Then there was a Leash of Country Attorneys , who took a great deal of care I heartily thank 'em , to stun me all the way with their damn'd unintelligible Law-cases , which I had no more a mind to understand , than I have to learn , either the modern notions of Government , or the modern Systems of Theology . Lastly , to compleat my Misery , we had an ancient sage Matron in the Coach , and she with Tears in her Eyes , railed very devoutly at the lewdness of the present Age , occasioned by the Non-Resistance Doctrin of some Divines ; I thank God , says she , I never practised it since I was Fourteen : And then she fell as severely upon the Miscarriages of the late Fornicating Admiral ( as she called him , ) as a She Tarpaulin , who has lost her only Husband in the Engagement . Tim. A very pretty Consort I'faith . So I don't question but what between the Politicks of the Justice , and the Impertinence of your Lawyers , and the pious Ejaculations of your Female Companion , you found your self as uneasy , as a blundering Cit amongst the Verse-repeating Beaux of Wills Coffee-house , or the Chair-man of a Committee amongst his Herd of Country Petitioners . But setting this Business aside , prithee tell me how thou hast done this long while , for unless I am mistaken , 't is above three Years since we saw you last in Town . Freem . Why truly Tim. I live after my old laudable Custom still ; sometimes I divert my self with a chearful Bottle , and sometimes , pass away an Hour or two with an honest old Author ; for to say the truth , your new Gentlemen scarce deserve a Reading . I pay my Taxes without repining ; do what good I oan amongst my Neighbours , never trouble my self with other Mens business ; and though the Duty I owe to their present Majesties will not permit me to talk so scandalously and disrespectfully of the two late Reigns , as some Hot-headed Sots have done , yet I am as well satisfied with the present Establishment , and as Zealous for the prosperity of Old England , as the forwardest Courtier , who has made his Fortune by the Revolution , and consequently is obliged to stand up for it as well upon the score of his interest as his choice . Thus I have answered your Question , and now prithee let me know what News you have in Town . Tim. A right Country Gentleman's Question I'faith , for the first thing he generally asks you is , What is the News ? As the Country Ladies when they come up to Town , enquire in the first place , Which is the newest Play or Lampoon ? Which is the Topping Mistress of the Court , or the most fashionable Suit of Ribbons at the Exchange ? Well then to satisfy your Curiosity , you must know that there has lately happened a very remarkable Change or Conversion , ( call it which you please ) of a certain Person here in Town which no Body could ever have imagined or expected ; and now I leave it to you , to conjecture what it is . Freem . A Conversion , and that a very remarkable one too ! Why then I fancy . Tim. that your Friend Mr. Bay's is returned to his Primitive Church . Tim. Nay the Lord knows , which is Mr. Bay's Primitive Church ; but prithee why dost thou trouble thy head about a Poet's Religion ? for as we say , a Beggar is never out of his way , so a Poet is never out of his Religion . Freem . Well then , a discarded Jacobite Captain turn'd an humble retailer of wicked Bottl'd Ale and Brandy ; the Discarded Recter of Exeter , turn'd a Friend of Athanasius ; or the never to be forgotten Apostate turn'd a Defender of Passive Obedience ? Tim. No. Freem . A Physician turn'd a Zealous Expounder of the Bible ; or a Sworn Friend to Scoth-Cloth , reconciled to Lawn-Sleeves ; Or a City Usurer turn'd a Refunder of his ill-gotten Estate ? Tim. No. Freem . A Son of Slaughter at White-Chappel converted to the observation of Fish-days ; or an old inveterate Republican turn'd a stiff Assertor of Monarchy ? Tim. No , but you had best consult Mr. Ferguson to resolve your last Question . Freem . Is Dr. Oates reformed from his usual way of raskalling people , and return'd to the use of his Memory and good Manners on the sudden , or has that bloody Sweare● refused to take the new Oaths ? Tim. Why don't you know , that in a late Auction of Paintings there was a Picture of the Dr's to be seen , where he was represented like a Blackamore with a Glocestershire Parliament Man a washing him , in order to make him rectus in Curia , by the same token that it was called , the Labor in vain ? Freem . Is the Red-fac'd Chaplain-maker of Whitehal reconcil'd to the choice of honest Divines and renounced taking mony for places . Or have any of the topping Sons of Schism by the Bribe of a good Deanry or Bishoprick been converted to the Liturgy ? Tim. No , no , but hark you Friend of mine you had best have a care what you say . Sons of Schism ? Why , I tell you every man amongst them disowns the word , and say , that thanks to the new Laws , they are as much an established Church , as you know which was . Freem . Is there then no difference between tolerating and establishing ? After this rate ▪ the Bear-Garden and Play-house may all in good time pretend to be established Parliamentary Assemblies — But to go on ; Is there any of the New Interpreters of Daniel and the Apocalyps converted to Sense and Reason ? Or any of the Modern Comprehension-men converted to a good Opinion of the poor suffering Ceremonies of the Church ? Tim. No , not a single Man among 'em as far as I can hear . Freem . To conclude then : Is the Vicar near Charing-Cross convinced there 's not so much Bawdry in the Service of Matrimony as without it ? Is any noted S●●●●ian turn'd a Friend to Faith ? Or any of the good people of Doctors-Commons to unlicenc●d Marriges ? Is a 〈…〉 ●arlon turn'd a friend to Cleanliness ? Any Court - 〈…〉 ●●nen , and no back-biting ; any litigious Attorney to 〈◊〉 And Arbitrations ? Any thrice married Widow to impotence ? Any of the Town Criticks to Modesty ? Or lastly , any Alderman that was begotten on a Bulk , to Heraldry and Pedigrees ? Tim. No , you have not hit the point after all . Freem . Why then the Devil take me , if I am able to guess what is the matter . To pursue this point any further , I find , would be as endless a piece of trouble , as to reckon up all the dull , stupid , senseless passages on the Conference at the Brasiers shop in Long-Acre , or in Sh-dwel's Panegyricks ; or to give you a List of all Dr. Pain 's pretended Reasons for Alterations , or all the Similies in the Plain Dealer . Therefore let me once for all intreat you dear Tim. to put me out of my pain , and let me know what mighty business it is you have to communicate . Tim. Prepare then with Reverence and Attention to receive what I am going about to deliver for ; give me leave to tell you Sir , now we are nose inter nose the saying is , 't is the most surprizing , unexpected piece of News you ever heard in all your Life . Freem . Lord ! what a deal of insignificant flourish and preparation is here to usher in , it may be , but a foolish story at last ? Why , by and by th●● wilt perswade me , that the Monument last week took a pair of Oars to go and plead the Cities Cause against the Orphans at the Kings-Bench , or that the two old pastboard Giants at Guildhal have laid their Heads together to confute . Baker's Chronicle , or Wood's Oxford Antiquities . Tim. Nay , Sir , since I find you begin to be somewhat must and all that , like Father Teague in the Play , when the outside of the door was put upon him , I am resolved to ease you of your trouble immediately . Know then for a certain truth , that one of the most celebrated Divines we have in Town ( I must not give my self the trouble to name him to you ) who has silenced the Papists , confounded the Independants , lately maul'd the Anti-trinitarians , and by his zealous performances for Passive Obedience , has made little Atwood pass for a great Author ; has at last upon mature consideration , and after a Year and halfs chewing the Cud upon the matter — . Freem . Done what I prithee . Tim. Why , faced about to the right , and taken the Swear . Freem . And is all your mighty News , which you prefaced with so much show and Ceremonie , come to this sorry issue at last ? Parturiunt Montes , nascetur ridiculus Mus. To be plain with you , I am not at all surprised at what you have told me , I have heard of it before ; but because I hate to be behind hand with you , or any body else , in lieu of your Domestick News , I 'll acquaint you with a very remarkable Foreign Story . Tim. With all my heart , begin as soon as you please . Freem . A certain Dutch Grammarian , ( no matter for his Name or Place of abode ) in his Commentaries upon Suetonius's Lives of the Twelve Caesars , when he comes to take the Emperor Domitian to task , who you know took a strange pleasure in dragooning Prince Belzebub's Subjects , meaning the Flies , out of their Lives and Fortunes with his Royal Needle . Tim. Very well , I understand you . Freem . Wonders , in the name of God , how the Emperour cou'd ever find in his heart to butcher the poor Flies ( in the Pedant's Dutch Latin , called Vespas , ) after so barbarou a manner , since his own natural Father's Name was Vespasian . Tim. A very pretty edifying Story this , as I take it . Freem . At last he concludes with this observable Sentence , Ingens est hoc profecto Mysterium , nec facile explicandum . Tim. So Sir I am your very humble Servant ; but you 'll infinitely oblige me however , if you 'll be pleased to think of making an application to your Story . Freem . Why then I must tell thee Tim ▪ in plain downright English , that I wonder full as much , as the Dutchman did at 〈◊〉 above mentioned Passage , that thou should'st ever have the assurance to 〈◊〉 the Dr's Conversion , as thou callest it , upon 〈◊〉 for such a strange piece of News : For to give you my Sen●●●●●● 〈◊〉 for all ●pon this occasion , I rather wonder that it was so late before he reconciled himself to the Government , than that he was prevailed with to do it at all . Tim. Nay , now I perceive you are in the humour of maintaining Paradoxes ; for though you seem to make so slight of this News , yet give me leave to tell you , it has been matter of astonishment almost to every Body here about the Town . But may a Man be so happy as to hear you produce any Reasons for what you have said ? Freem . Ay , with all my Heart . You must know then that several worthy Persons whom I could name to you , if there were any necessity for it , came immediatly after the Revolution , to advise with the Doctor in that exigence of affairs . Some of 'em he disswaded from taking the Oaths , and without question furnished 'em with his own Reasons for his Dissenting from the Government in that particular , and I don't hear that he ever sent for 'em to come in with him ; but when others came to consult him about the very same business , he was pleased to say , that he would prescribe to no Bodies Conscience but his own ; and so dismist them with bidding them use ▪ their own discretion in the matter . Tim. Well , and what of all this ? Freem . Why , say I , any Man who could deliver himself so ambiguously upon a Question that so nearly concerned the security of the Government , and the wellfare as well as the Honour of the Established Church , either looked upon it not to be a thing of that importance , as it really is , or else had not fully determined his Sentiments either to the lawfulness or unlawfulness of it . I am of opinion , that nothing but the fear of incurring the guilt of Perjury , could excuse any Man from giving the Government so reasonable a satisfaction , as the taking the Oaths amounted to . Now that the Doctor was , not fully perswaded in his Conscience that there was any Perjury in such a Compliance , is very apparent as I think , from his advising the Gentlemen to make use of their own Discretion ; which he would never have done , if he had really believed that so black and scandalous and Cowardly a sin , would be the necessary Consequence of it . Tim. Well then , Granting all you have said to be true , what advantage do you intend to make of it ? Freem . That the Doctor considered the taking of the Oaths to be only an indifferent thing , and no more , which a Man might either do or not do , at his own pleasure ; for otherwise it had been his Duty to disswade all Persons who came to be advised by him , from Swearing . Now Tim , pray tell me what miracle is it for a Man to part with his opinion about an indifferent thing , when there 's nothing but scandal and poverty to be had in maintaining it still , and so much Interest and advantage to ballance him to the contrary side ? Tim. To say the truth , there 's no extraordinary Miracle in such a case . But then I would have you consider , dear Friend of mine , that the Doctor 's Circumstances were perhaps clearly different from the Gentlemen's that came to consult him ; and consequently what might be either lawful or expedient for them to do , might not be so lawful , at least so reputable for himself . Freem . Let me desire thee honest Tim to explain thy self a little farther about this same business . Tim. You know to what heights , or rather extremities the Doctor has all along carried the Doctrine of Passive Obedience ; you know how stiffly and zealously he has asserted the Ius Divinum of Monarchy ; and with what assiduity and pains he has combated the other Party ; who fell upon different schemes and notions of Government . And therefore imagining that several passages in the late Revolution could not be well reconciled to what he had formerly preached , what wonder is it , if he could not at that time prevail with himself , to give his Assent ? Freem . Nay , if that Reason is worth a Farthing , it holds as well now as it did the last Year . Tim. Prithee let me alone for a while , and afterwards say what you please — But then this Cafe , as I told you before , seems only particular to the Dr. for the other Gentlemen perhaps never preached or printed those Doctrins , which the Dr. has , or perhaps never believed a Syllable of 'em , as is evident some of their Brethren never did , who in several Treatises and Sermons that have been published since the Abdication , pretend to assert abundance of things , that were not so very current Doctrin in the two late Reigns . And so the Dr. might excusably enough leave 'em to use their own discretion in the matter , since if they complied with the Government it wou'd contradict nothing which they formerly preached or believed . What may be the reason do you think why the Fanaticks are so loyally affected to their present Majesties ; and were so easily brought over to renounce the last ? All the World knows what a great deal of dutiful care they took to lull asleep the late King with their Addressing Opiates , and sacrificing their Lives and Fortunes to him , whenever he should have an occasion to make use of them . And yet among so numerous a Herd , unless a very few , and those incognito , none have scrupled to take the Oaths , altho you know they are a People that understand how to make the best of a Scruple of any men breathing . Their Democratick Principles are still the same , and their Sincerity to this Government has no better a foundation than what they pretended for the last . Therefore in short the business is this , besides the interest they perceived in crying up their Loyalty now , our last turn of Affairs could not but be very acceptable to those persons , who all along placed the Sovereign Power in the multitude ; and made their Princes upon every Transgression and male-Administration in the State accountable to the People . Freeman . As for what concerns the Fanaticks I readily own . But then the other part of your Discourse , Tim. is not so well grounded as it ought to be . You say the Dr. might refuse to take the Oaths , because in doing so , he must run counter to several Principles , which he had formerly justified and asserted ▪ Now if this be true , he 's as much oblig'd at this present moment to dissent from the Government , as at first . You say likewise that the Case of those Gentlemen , who consulted him about taking the Oaths , is very different from his ; but this I take neither to be satisfactory nor solid . The Question is , whether what the Dr. has formerly preached or written , is the true Doctrin of the Church of England or no ? If it is not , I am of opinion he 's bound to make a solemn Retractation of it ; and if it is , it obliged his Brethren , who came to advise him , equally with himself , altho they never preacht it , or publickly justified it in Print . For instance , here are two Clergy-men , one of 'em preaches against Oppression and Covetousness once a Month at least , and perhaps has appear'd in a Term-Catalogue upon that Subject ; the other , we 'll say , never medled with the point in all his Life : and yet you 'll never conclude I suppose , that the latter has more pretence and plea to cheat the Poor , and trouble his Parish for a single Tithe-Pig than the former . After all , Tim. you seem to make the Dr's dissent rather to proceed from a nicety of Honour than a Principle of Conscience ; for which piece of Service , I believe , he 'll never return you his thanks : Now I wonder in my heart , that you should lay so great a stress upon that point , or admire to see one single Man be prevailed with at last to make a sacrifice of his Honour , ( if even so much as his honour be concerned ) when you see so many thousand People in the World , that make no scruple at all of sacrificing their Conscience . Tim. But prithee wou'd not you have a man be careful to preserve his Character and Reputation in the World , and study to give as little scandal as may be ? Freem . Ay without question , tho as the World goes , I don't think a Man ' Honour and Reputation are worth the while to be maintained at the expence of starving for 'em , and some people I cou'd name to you , wou'd scarce put that dangerous compliment upon their Religion , as to suffer any severe extremities for its sake . Besides , now you talk of Scandal , I question whether the Dr. has not given a great deal more Scandal by his late compliance with the Oaths , then then his former dissenting from ' em . Before he was generally considered as a person of Conscience and Honour , and now perhaps abundance of ill-natur'd People will allow him a share of neither . And what may serve to confirm 'em in such an opinion , is that the Dr's Conscience , which has for this long while lived among the Laywers , has not been so uniform ( if I may use the expression ) as you imagine it first sight to be , or I cou'd have wished it had been . Tim. I wou'd desire to know how you make that out , Noble Sir ? Freem . I call that an Uniform Conscience , Tim , which proceeds regularly in all its Actions , and never does any thing in contradiction to its own Principles . Now let us see whether the Dr's conduct since our new Establishment of affairs can endure the left of this definition . Most Men will agree that the reason why the Dr. refused the Oaths , must be , because he apprehended it was sinful to take them ; so then if the Dr. at the same time when he judged the taking the Oaths to be Sinful , nevertheless submitted to do another thing , which was tantamount to taking 'em , how can you or any man else excuse him from acting quite contrary to his own principle ? Tim. This is very true , I own , but however it is not enough to say so , unless you can prove it . Freem . I was in good hopes you would never give me the trouble to prove so plain a point . Did you never hear then , that when some of the Doctor 's Councel had found out a Loop-hole for him in the Act of Parliament to enable him to Preach at his Lecture in St. Dunstans ' , how he Prayed very heartily for both their Majesties by Name , when at the same time he cou'd not prevail with his Conscience to Swear to ' em . Tim. Why prithee man , every Body in the Town knows that . The truth on 't is , People discoursed very differently upon that occasion ; but all his Friends , who at that time seemed to justify his Proceedings , were agreed that it was a different thing to pray for a Person , and swear Allegiance to a Person ; for you know the Apostle commands us , to pray for all men , but he no where commands us to swear to all Men. Freem . This is a very miserable pitiful shift , as I take it , when it comes to be narrowly examined ; for prithee tell me , honest Tim , what is it to swear Allegiance to any Prince ? Tim. To acknowledge in the presence of God Almighty , that the Prince to whom I swear , has a Lawful Title to the Throne he possesses ; and consequently to my fidelity and Service , as far as the respective constitution of the Government , where I live commands it . Freem . Well then , and is not praying for a Prince , and recommending him in all his acknowledged Titles to the protection of God Almighty , the very same thing in effect with Swearing to him ? I am sure it is , if your heart goes along with your words ; and a Church , as far as I understood the matter , is none of the fittest Places in the World for a man to prevaricate in . Besides Tim , there 's this remarkable difference between Swearing to a Prince , and praying for him , that you may perhaps have occasion to swear to him but once in your life , and that before very few Witnesses ; whereas you are obliged to do the other once a Week at least , in the face of a very numerous and Solemn Assembly . Tim. But how do you know , Dear Friend , but this very same case which looks so intricate and perplexed at first sight , may be made to appear plausible enough with the help of two or three of the Doctors Distinctions ? Freem . Nay let ▪ me conjecture you , Tim , to overwhelm me with no Distinctions as you love me ; for the case is so very plain and obvious , that it will not admit of any . I am certain that , where there are two Controverted Titles , if my Conscience would not give me leave to Swear to a Prince , my Conscience would never permit me to pray for him publickly ; and I am as sure , that if I could prevail with my Conscience to pray for him under the Title he assumes , and which this Person once controverted , ) I should never make any scruple of Swearing to him . The Apostle you tell me , commands us to pray for all Men. So we do , and for my own part I can pray very heartily for the Grand Seignior , the Cham of Tartary , or the Great Mogul without any remorse ; but at the same time I can never pray for any of the aforesaid Monarchs as King of England , and so forth ; or if I could , why then as I told you before Tim , I should make no question of testifying my acknowledgment of them by an Oath . Tim. That may be your Conscience perhaps , but it were as ●●reasonable to think that all People are acted by the same Conscience , as to imagine that all People pursue the same end , or think the same things , or are influenced by the same Motives . You see several Hundreds of Men flock every Sunday to Church , yet one man goes there to pick a Pocket , a Second to make an assignation with a Girl , a third to take a comfortable Nap , and a Fourth perhaps to hear Dr. Sh●● contradict himself . Thus every man has his particular aim or design , and so it is in the business of Conscience ; a thousand men may do the same thing , and pretend their Conscience is interested in the doing of it , and yet every particular man's Conscience may proceed upon a different motive or salvo . As for an instance , let us examine the Case of swearing to this present Government . The Dissenters , of all sects and denominations , do it to be revenged on the Monarchy , and Passive Obedience ; for , tho' the Protestant Religion is the Word with them now , it is not to be imagined , that those people , who shew'd so small a Concern for it in the late Reign , should heartily entertain any affectionate regard for its welfare in this . It wou'd be too tedious a business to examine the grounds upon which all the rest have gone ; yet you may be pleased to observe , that as all of them have embarqued their Conscience , more or less , in this affair , so generally speaking , every man's Conscience goes a different way to work ; for Conscience is a very intricate thing , and oftentimes is influenc'd by very unaccountable considerations . Freeman , That Observation of yours is very true , and I could cite several famous modern Examples , to prove the truth of it , but shall at present only content my self with one of ancient standing . Is it not a strange thing , that Pythagoras , who had the reputation of a wise and learned Philosopher , should ever make it a matter of Conscience to refuse the eating of Beans ; or that any of his Disciples should arrive to that prodigious degree of stupidity , as to be Confessors for that sottish , unthinking , Bean-renouncing Doctrine ? And yet we have one of their Names upon Record , who chose to undergo the punishment of the Rack , rather than gratifie the curiosity of a certain Tyrant so far , as to acquaint him with the true reason why Pythagoras forbad so innocent a Food , and at last very heroically bit off his Tongue , lest the extremity of his torment should oblige him to part with so profound a secret . Here was an odd whimsical sort of a Conscience , with a witniss ; and I believe you 'll find it a hard task to meet with a Conscience in any of the Conventicles about the Town , that would suffer so much for its lawful Prince , as this poor fellow suffer'd for a Bean , and is very like the Conscience of a certain person , who never saw his Cathedral , and yet took that care of his Diocess , as to prohibit 'em the eating of black Puddings , because it seem'd to contradict St. Paul's Admonition about Blood. But all this while , honest Tim , as I take it , we have discoursed besides our matter , therefore to return to our first subject again , prithee tell me how the Dr's Conversion relishes with you here in the City . Tim. Why you know there are store of malicious people in all Communities in the World , and these are hardly to be pleased . Indeed , as for the generality of the established Church , they are well enough satisfied with his new Acquaintance with the Oaths , & don 't at all question , but that as he had leisure and retirement enough to study the point , so he has at last complied upon very solid substantial grounds . Freeman . Well , but the Dissenters , I hope , are very well satisfied with his coming over to us . They seem , you know , upon all occasions to be very zealous and affectionate to their present Majesties , by the same token , that by their good will they could be content to have all the Gentlemen in the Kingdom hanged out of the way , or De-witted , who refuse to acknowledge them by taking the Oaths . Therefore , I should think , it must needs rejoice the Hearts of all these worthy Patriots , to see a person of the Doctor 's Learning and Character , lay aside his former prejudices to our settlement , and voluntarily own it . Tim. No , no , you are quite mistaken ; the Dissenters are Masters of too good Memories , to be ever guilty of any Charity towards a Man , who had the boldness to touch the Copyhold of the Schism . They rail at him ten times more furiously than ever they did , and challenge him , if he dares , to reconcile his present compliance with his old musty Notions of Passive Obedience ; and then they say , they 'l get Enroclydon Baxter , or one of the Poultry Divines , to reconcile Transubstantiation to his Preservative against Popery . Freeman . But are they all so inveterate ? What , not one single man amongst the whole Herd , that congratulates the Government for the great Happiness of his Reduction ? Tim. The only man I hear of , who has been pleased to testifie his Joy for this occasion , is that learned son of Socinus , Mr. Thomas F — rm — n by name : He pretends , that the Doctor has effectually answered all his other Treatises , by taking the Oaths , excepting his late Book against the Anti-Trinitarians , and he comforts himself , that the Doctor will all in due time ruin the reputation of that piece ; for , says he , the Dr. has got such a pretty way of answering his own Books , that 't is a thousand pitties any one else should take the trouble out of his hands . Nay , I am inform'd ( continues he ) that when he took the Oaths , he desired to be sworn upon the Naked Gospel . Freeman . 'T is strange me thinks that the Dissenters should be angry with the Dr. for what he has done : if their Zeal for the Government is real and sincere , which 't is a Sin for us in the Country to question , I wonder why they should quarrel with him upon this score , since the influence of his Example , for all they know , may be serviceable to reduce the rest of his Brethren , who at present dissent from us . Tim. That does not signifie a farthing ; for , besides their particular pique against the Dr. as he is a Member of the Established Church , they would have neither him , nor any one else who is not of their party , be thought Loyal : For all their former Bellowings and Cries against the Illegality of Monopolies , yet at present they would willingly engross all the little Honesty and Loyalty that is left in the Nation , into their own hands ; though , by the By , their Loyalty is compounded of such cross , surly , ill-natur'd Ingredients , and is such an odd awkward sort of Loyalty , that for all I can see to the contrary , no Prince in Christendome is likely to be the better for it . Freem . A Dissenter's Loyalty is like the officiousness of a Rock at play , who only lends you Mony in order to your ruin . I pray Heaven it proves of long continuance , but for my own part , I am afraid it will last no longer , than they find their Religion ( I mean their Interest ) concerned in it . Tim. More than all this , they 'l tell you , that we owe the Sunshine of the Gospel , and all the other Blessings of the late Revolution , intirely to their Discretion and State-principles ; and , that if these impracticable Doctrines of the Church of England , concerning the Civil Magistrate , had taken place , we had by this time been utterly overwhelmed with Popery and Slavery . Freem . Why this is ten times over a more fulsome Plea than their pretensions to Loyalty . They preserve the Protestant Religion ? Where , or how ? or in what Reign , that we may see it registred in our Almanacks ? I am sure they have contributed in all their pious Endeavours to make the Reformation as scandalous and despicable , as any of the Fathers of the Society could have done . They preserved it after a fine rate , by their universal silence in the late Reign , and their little , low , abject applications to Popery ; and now , when the Enemy is beaten out of the field , they make a great pother with a few Gleanings out of our own Authors , and pretend the Victory is owing to their Assistance and Conduct . Tim. Nay , the Dissenters have not been wanting , even in this Reign , to do the Protestant Religion all the good service they can . One of the Tribe , in his Modest Enquiry , as he called it , very modestly advised the Rabble to knock all the Clergymen in the Head. And another nameless Rascal , in his Reflections upon the Miscarriages of our Navy , that are printed by one of those godly wholesale Dealers in Scandal , those scruple-selling Vermin of the Poultry , has this remarkable passage , viz. That there 's more Virtue and Honour to be found among the Rabble than the Gentry : Rabble is likewise the word with their dear Brethren in Scotland , and you may guess what a brave Religion we shall have of it at last , if we follow these blessed methods , and suffer it to be modell'd and fitted to the Inclinations of our judicious Rabble . Freem . Why prithee Tim , you need not give your self the trouble , at this time of day , to acquaint me with any of the laudable Qualities of the Dissenters , and especially of their Levites , as for instance , either with their wit , which never appears but in their Similes , and in interpreting the Prophets ; or with their Charity , which is never extended beyond their own party ; or with their Modesty , which is never visible , but when they wink in the Pulpit ; or with their Sincerity , which never appears , but when they own themselves in their Prayers to be a pack of the damnedst Rogues in the World ; or with their Learning , which never goes beyond a Dutch System , and a little Herauldry ; or with their Sobriety , which is never admitted to keep them company at their pious Friday Entertainments ; or with their Loyalty , which was ▪ ever shown but by their promising to lend this King more Mony than they could raise , and abusing the two last reigns ; or lastly , with their Zeal against Popery , which is never to be proved , but by their continual Endeavours to undermine the Established Church . — But let me conjure you , dear Tim , to drop this nauseous fulsom subject , for , as I hope for mercy , I am as weary of it , as a Presbyterian Splitter of Cases is weary of a poor Brother ; that constantly comes every Sunday with his dozen troublesome Scruples , to be resolv'd , sub forma pauperis . Tim. Thus you see , Sir , with what contempt and aversion the Dissenters in Town entertain the story of the Dr's Conversion ; now give me leave to add a word or two more concerning them , and then I 'll have done . You very well observe , that they pretend to have abundance of Zeal for Their present Majesties , so they do , & if you 'l take their own words for it , they 'l tell you , that no body keeps the Fasts , and Thanksgiving days with that Devotion as themselves have done . But for all this , dear Friend of mine , they are angry to see the number of the Kings Subjects increased , & if they see a Church-of - England-man come over to the Government , they immediately call him all the Rogues and Rascals in the World : the Reason is plain , they 'd willingly have His Majesty served by none but themselves , and then they don't question , to reduce the French King , and demolish Popery in due time . Besides , if all the Church-of - England-men had taken the Oaths , they had lost their dearly beloved Topick of railing at them , and I dare swear ( so well am I acquainted with a Dissenter's tenderness ) they 'd rather sacrifice all the Princes in the Universe , than lose the precious opportunity of libelling and railing . You are infinitely mistaken , if you imagin , that the Bishops would find better Quarter from the Fanaticks , if they should ever take the Oaths ; no , no , they pray , with all their Hearts , that they may refuse the doing of it still , for then they are in hopes to see their Order abolish'd , and their Revenues divided amongst the Saints , i. e. their old Oliverian Leases come in play again : Of all which expectations they would be miserably disappointed , if those immortal Patriots could prevail with themselves to comply . Freem . I don't pitty the Dr. however , for being used after this unmerciful rate , by those Sons of Schism ; for , if it were my own case , I should rather chuse to put that sanctified Generation to the expence of a little scandal , for my sake , than a little flattery ; and rather accept of their Reproaches , which are excellent in their kind , than of their I●s●●ce , which is the nastiest coursest stuff in the World. 'T is well enough with him , so long as his own Brethren are satisfied , as you have before informed me , with the Honesty of his proceedings ; or ▪ if they were not at first , I don't question , but the Reasons he has published for his own defence , carry so much strength and solidity wi●h ' ●m , as to satisfie all the reasonable part of Mankind as to that particular . Tim. Why there you are mistaken , dear Friend of mine ; for tho' the Dr ▪ has con●escended to acquaint the World in publick with the Reasons of his Conversion , yet he has not been so happy as to satisfie all People . Freem . Who could ever expect that ? 'T is an impossible thing you know to do it ; but however I am glad the Dr. has published his Reasons , for otherwise I should have bin a little angry with him . For , could he dissent from the Government above a year and half , and by his Example hinder so many Country Parsons from taking the Oaths , and keeping their Livings , and yet refuse the World so slender a satisfaction , as to let 'em see the motives of his Change ? I ever thought , that so inconsiderable a piece of trouble was due to his own Reputation and Credit , as well as the farther instruction of his younger Brethren of the Clergy , who I am afraid little consider'd the merits of the Cause , but rather what a brave thing it was to be thought of the Dr's Company , and embarqued in the Dr's Quarrel , and now have nothing else left 'em to do , but to starve with as much decency as they can , and to curse the expensiveness of their Vanity and Loyalty . Tim. All this you and I cannot possibly help , and therefore 't is a great piece of Nonsence for us to talk of it any longer , only thus much I must add , That in my opinion too , the Dr. lay under all the Obligations in the World , to make the true Occasions of his late Reconcilement publick . 'T is a Debt which was due to the Interest he now espouses , no less then the Party he has forsaken , some of which , as you say , the Temptation of being thought of his Acquaintance or Judgment , has reduced to their present mortifying necessities . And therefore this being so necessary a Debt , as well in regard to himself , as the rest of the World , I always persuade my self , that the Dr. would take care to acquit it as soon as ever he has got his Reasons ready . Freem . Got his Reasons ready do you say ? That 's a Iest with all my heart , as if a man of the Drs learning and experience in the world , after so long a time too , to examine all the niceties of the Case , could suffer himself to be ingaged in an affair , to which he formerly expressed so incurable an aversion , without having his Reasons ready by him . Nothing but either pride ( which I would be loath to suspect in a person of his mortified Character ) or the weakness of his Cause could engage him to act only on the Defensive part . 'T is a hundred to one , but a man's Adversary may say somthing or other , which will lye a little obnoxious to Censure and Exception ; so 't is but falling without any more ado , upon the Authors blind side , and the business is soon over . There are a thousand ways for a man of any tolerable discretion to put by his Enemy's Thrust when he is attacqued ; nay , 't is possible too he may come off with the better on 't , especially if the man he has to dealt with , plays open , and lies unguarded in any part . And therefore if this had been the Dr's policy , I should have thought the worse of his skill in Polemies , as long as I lived . I remember I was once in a Coffee-house in the Country , where we happened to be talking of the Dr's coming over to the Government ; and a Gentleman in the room was pleased to say , he was of opinion , That the Doctor had got his Reasons ready , much after the same rate as a Country Innkeeper , whom he knew , got a poor fellow's Porcupine ready . Tim. Prithee what story is that , for , to the best of my knowledg , I never heard of it before ? Freem . Nay , the story is entertaining enough , that I can assure you , and perhaps will deserve your attention . You must understand then , that a certain Fellow , here about the Town , who gets a sorry livelihood by carrying some outlandish Beasts about the Country with him , and shewing 'em for pence a piece to the people , had by chance brought a Porcupine , the only support he had left him in the World , to an Inn where this Gentleman was acquainted ; the next morning he calls the Innkeeper to him , and thus accosts him : ' Landlord , says he , I must beg one favour of you , and that ' is ▪ to get my Porcupine and Room ready by Eleven of the ' Clock precisely , and in the mean time I 'll step into the Town , to see what company I can pick up . Tim. Very well , sir , pray proceed . Freem . Away goes the Fellow into the Town , and for a while stares about him , to observe all the Curiosities of the place ; towards Ten , he makes a solemn proclamation of his Porcupine , and so musters up as much company as he thought would defray the Expences of the Show for that time , and carries 'em to his Inn. Tim. Well , I mightily long to hear the issue of your Foreupine . Freem . When the Fellow was got into his Room at the Inn , he knocks for the Landlord , and asks him whether he had got his Porcupine ready ? Ay sir , that I have replies the Landlord , I hate to be worse than my word to any man , but I must desire you , sir ; that you 'll be pleased to tell me what Sawce you 'l have for him . Tim. Why , what a Devil did he mean by that question ? Freem . You shall hear . Crys the Master of the Porcupine , You Rascal , what do you intend by asking me what Sawce I 'de have for him ? Nay , no harm in the World , says the man of the House ; you ordered me to get the Porcupine ready for you by Eleven , and so I have , for I gave directions to the Maid to put him in the pot immediately ; but sir , says he , I never boil'd a Porcupine in my Life before , and therefore must once more request you to let me know what Sawce your Worship will order for him . Tim. The poor fellow without question looked very simply upon the matter , to hear his Livelihood was boil'd away so unluckily in one morning . And now to come close to you , noble Friend of mine , Was it the Opinion of your Gentleman then , that the Dr's Reasons were boil'd away like the Strowler's Porcupine , so that there was no procuring a sight of any of them ? You see how much he was mistaken in his Judgment . The Dr. ( as I have told you ) has been pleased to oblige the World with his Reasons ; you may have them at any Bookseller's Shop in Town , but I cannot forbear to tell you , that there was never any Book since the days of the Hind and Panther , or the Letter to a Dissenter , that has been so universally pelted as this ; Lawyers and Divin●s , Iacobites and Williamites , though they agreed in nothing else , yet they have all of 'em agreed to mawl this unfortunate Book . Nay some of our City Prentices and puny Scriblers have had the hardiness to tilt against it , only to make experiment of their Talents , as School-boys use to try their Knives , by running them up to the Hilts in a hot Bag-pudding . Freem . Say you so Tim ? 'T is , I confess , somewhat odd , but who can help it . Come then , since the Dr. has had such ill luck with his Reasons , & you and I have no other business now upon our hands , prithee let us invent some plausible specious Reasons for his Conversion , they 'l help to pass away t'other Bottle , and t'other hour , well enough , and perhaps they 'l serve to amuse the World , and entertain the Reader , as well as some of his own . Tim. No sir , I desire you to excuse your humble Servant as to this Affair ; I 'll never invent any Reasons for another man , not I , I promise you , he may even do it himself if he pleases ; 't is a very ungrateful performance let me tell you , and generally the person whom you intend to oblige by this kind of Office , will hold himself as little beholden to you , as a man in the state of Cuckoldom , for giving him four and fifty Reasons to support himself under his Afflictions : But what will serve the turn full as well , to put off half an hour or so of Conversation , I will acquaint you with the several reasons , that people here in Town , of all sorts and parties , have already assigned for his Conversion . At the same time I must tell you , that as I don't believe them altogether my self , so I would never oblige you or any man besides to place any great assurance in the truth of them . Freem . Come then honest Tim , and begin as soon as you will , for I can assure you , 't will be no small diversion to your Friend here , who is just come out of the Country . Tim. Nay , sir , not altogether so fast , I beseech you . I design my self a little more sport and pastime than you imagin , and since you have so admirable a talent at conjecturing , &c. I am resolved to keep your hand in play , and put you to the trouble of guessing what they are . Freem . Well then , since you 'l have it so , I 'll dispatch them out of hand ; but however , before I make any trial of my noble Faculty , I must desire you to remember , how that at the beginning of our Conference , when you told me of the Dr's Conversion , I looked upon it as no Miracle , and that for these two following weighty reasons . In the first place , because when some Gentlemen came to advise with him about that matter , he civilly referred them to their own discretion , which I supposed he would never have done , if he had been fully satisfied , that the taking the Oaths was a Sin , or had looked upon it to be any thing more than an indifferent Action . In the next place , because the Dr. had long ago prayed for Their present Majesties ; which is virtually , and in effect , the same thing with swearing to them ; and if it is a Sin to swear to a Prince , where the Title is controverted , and under dispute , I am sure it must be the very same thing to pray for him . Now then Tim , since I was so bold as to make the Dr ▪ s Conversion no miracle at all , you are not to expect that I should assign any miraculous Reasons for it but onely such as are frequent and common in the World ; so I will begin with that which ever since the Creation of the World has had a mighty influence upon men of all Countries , and Degrees , and Religions . The greater part of Mankind , and especially our Dissenters at home , love to christen it by the name of Conscience , but for my part , the best English word I think we have for it , is INTEREST . What think you of this now ? Tim. To say the truth , there are abundance of ill-affected men about the Town , that have trumped that unlucky Card upon the Dr. but for my part , I don't believe it had any great share in his Reconciliation to the Government . Therefore you had best guess again . Freem . Nay , but prithee consider , dear Tim , what a lovely charming thing this same Interest is , before we shut our hands of it : it has all the ear-marks of Love , and Love , you know , works little less than Miracles . It conquers the Young , and the Old are not able to withstand its Almightyship : it makes those that can see , as blind as so many Beetles , and as for those that are blind , why 't is the best Oculist in the World , and recovers their Eyesight to all intents and purposes . Tim. No , no , all this shall not pass upon me I 'll assure you . Freem . Have a care Tim , I advise you , what you say against Five hundred pounds per annum , name it you Rogue with fear and reverence , and fall down upon your knees when you hear it mention'd in Company ; Five hundred pounds a year is not to be spoken scandalously of , honest Tim , it will buy a Coach and a pair of Sunday-horses ; it will purchase Petticoats and Commodes , the Polyglot and Councils , and half the Non-Resistance in Christendom , with abundance of other fine things , too tedious to be reckoned up . Tim. Thou keepest as great a pother here with thy Interest , as a scribling Courtier with his last Lampoon , or a School-philosopher with his newest set of Distinctions , or what is equally as impertinent as a Country Fidler with his newest set of Tunes . But I can tell you for your comfort , that if you do not guess better at your second Essay , than you have done at your first , you are not in any great probability of finding out the Secret. Freem . To proceed then , is the Dr. brought to a better Opinion of the Abdication , or does he go altogether upon the merits of Forefaulture ? Tim. No , I suppose he does not , for if he does , the Lord have mercy , say I , upon all his poor Passive Obedience . Freem . Why other people , Tim , have store of Passive Obedience about them , as well as the Dr. and yet they dont apprehend that it is a farthing the worse , or that they have broke it at all . Suppose Tim you should find occasion , for Reasons best known to your self , to remove a Bag of your Money from one Goldsmith to another of better Reputation , would you not break that fellows Head , who should have the impudence to tell you , you had broke your sum ? Even so in the business of Passive Obedience , the Dr. and some of his Brethren , have only transferr'd it from K. James's hands , who , you know , is broke and ruin'd , and a Statute of Bankrupt has passed against in Parliament , to K. William , who can give them better Security for it : and Passive Obedience , I can tell you , will be as acceptable to any Prince in Europe , at a good sum of Money to a Banker . Tim. Well , but this is not the point still , so try again . Freem . Is the Dr. then reconciled to us by that verse in the Psalms ; The Earth is the Lord's , and the fulness thereof . Tim. Why No is the word still ; for I suppose , that that Text proves more than the Question , and besides would serve a Iohn of Leyden's turn as well as any ones else . Freem . But where there 's a plain Conquest and an honest Cause , as well as a legal Title to support the Conquest , that I believe cannot fail to make a Convert . Come tell me now , have I hitupon the true reason or no ? Tim. For your satisfaction , sir , you are come pretty nigh the point , or else some of the Dr's Friends have misinformed me as to this particular ; though to say the truth , this reason was every ▪ whit as good all the last year , as it is at this present moment , and I don't see that the reduction of Ireland has made it the better . Freem . Now we talk of Ireland , what say you , if the Dr. was resolved to hold out till the taking of Dublin , and to surrender himself immediately when the place was surrendred . Tim. All as I can say to the Question , is , That the Dr. then may be retaken from us again ; for alas , sir , all the World can tell you ▪ that Dublin is a place of no considerable strength , and cannot hold out long against any Enemy , especially if he have a Female friend in the Garrison . — But , sir , you have not as yet had the good fortune to light upon the most material motive , that makes the greatest bustle about the Town , therefore once more make use of your divining faculty . Freem . No , I heartily thank thee , dear Tim , I shall pump my imagination no more for the matter ; I think I have drudged long enough in all conscience to find it out and to employ my brains backward and forward any longer upon this occasion , would be as wise a piece of trouble , as to lye waking all the night in ones Bed , only to hear how the City-Weatherglasses , the Watchmen , vary every hour , in their bellowing out of Rain , Frost , and Moon-shine . Why , prithee Tim , what dost thou take me for , a Prophet , or a Conjurer ? Tim. For neither I swear ; but tell me seriously , dost thou not know what thing it is that baffles Heroes , spoils Divines , turns the greatest Princes into Milksops , makes Admirals lower their bloody Flags , and in fine , breaks all Obligations , and governs all Mankind ? Freem . Why Interest I told you . Tim. And what does Interest , meer Interest only do all this ? Freem . Why then 't is Conscience , I say . Tim. Conscience do you say ? why just now Conscience , you told me , was but another English word for Interest . And does nothing but bare Conscience ( which Adoniram Byfield of blessed Memory , defined to be a Cat-skin pouch to put Mony in ) or bare Interest do all these fine things , which I just now mentioned to you . Freem . Why then 't is a Coach and six Horses I tell you , and nothing in the World else that I can fancy ; for , you know , a Coach and Six , was Bishop Parker's best Body of Divinity . Tim. Worse and worse faith . And does a Coach and six Horses baffle Heroes , spoil Divines , and make Milksops of Princes ? Come , consider I say once more upon the point , for 't is impossible to miss it . Freem . No Tim , pray excuse me ; you see I have no tolerarable luck at guessing to day ; and besides , to tell you the truth , I hate this slavish pi●ce of Drudgery , as heartily as Sir Will. Tem — in his last Essays tells us , he hates good ▪ honest Drollery , as a Bookseller hates an un-selling Author , or a Jacobite Printer does a surly Messenger of the Press . Tim. Say you so sir ? Nay , then I am resolved to lay it out so open to you , that you must of necessity perceive it . Dost not thou understand the meaning of the Ital●an proverb , Piu tira un pelo di donna , che cento carra ●i bo●i . Freem . Not I Tim , I no more understand the difference between Italian and Arabick , than that learned Protestant Critick Mr. Rymer knows the difference between the name of Callimachus and Epimenides . Tim. Come then , wert thou ever married , my honest friend ? Ha! what sayest thou ; Freem . No sir , I bless Providence for it . Tim. Not married say you ? poor Rogue , thou art unacquainted I perceive with the damn'd persecution of a Curtain-Lecture . Oh! dull , dull still ; I can't imagin how to cure this stupidity of thine , thou art ten times duller than one of Sh — dwell's men of sence , or a Simile without a Sting , or an Expounder of the Revelations , at the finding out stoln Silver-Spoons , or an old dozed fellow of a House at the ingenious sport of Questions and Commands . Freem . Why , I cannot help all this , Tim ; if my stars made me so , it was their fault , not mine . Tim. Once more then I 'll endeavour to relieve the weakness of thy Apprehension , therefore listen to the following Rhimes about Adam and Eve. When Eve the Fruit had tasted , She to her Husband basted , And chuck'd him on the Chin-a ; Dear Bud ( quoth she ) come taste this Fruit , 'T will finely with your pallate suit , To eat it is no sin-a . Dost thou now comprehend my Meaning ? Freem . No , ' saith Tim , I am in the dark still ; you have made me no wiser with your dull story of Adam and Eve , than you would make a Cheapside Tradesman , by telling him , that an Obstacle is an Impediment ; or a walking Oxford-Dun , that Motion is an Action from the Terminus a Quo of his Habitation , to the Terminus ad quem of the Refectory . Tim. Nay then , I am sensible thou art full as slow of Apprehension as the famous Ierry Blackacre in the Play. I have but one trick left to bring you to 't at last , and if that fail , I must even serve thee as a stale City-wife serves her dull rustick Prentice , when she has a mind to make him understand her virtuous inclinations ; that is , I must needs name the thing to thee in plain downright broad English. But listen prithee : As moody Job , in shirtless case , With Collyflowers all o're his Face , Did on the Dunghill languish , His Spouse thus whispers in his Ear ; Swear Husband , as you love me , Swear ; 'T will case you of your anguish . Freem . Oh ho ! now I begin to smell a Rat ; your meaning is , That the Dr. has been brought to swear at last through the vertue of a few Conjugal Sollicitations ; is it not so , Tim ? Tim. Of a few Conjugal Sollicitations do you say ? No , I am afraid there were abundance of them used in the present case . — Well , dear Friend of mine , not to be tedious with you , I must tell you , that you have made a shift at last to hit my meaning . However , I would not have you report this matter as from me , though I can safely wash my hands from the Guilt of inventing it , and all the Town will do me the Justice , to own , that 't is a common Story , and no more a Secret than the Mole on the Rector of Exeter's Foot. Besides , you are desired not to lay too great a stress upon the truth of it , but to follow that Advice , which the Dr. you know gave upon another account , and so to make use of your own Discretion . Farewel . FINIS .