A reviving cordial for a sin-sick despairing soul in the time of temptation the same being an extract of the unworthy authors experience of the particular following ... / by Ja. Barry ...
         Barry, James.
      
       
         
           1699
        
      
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             A reviving cordial for a sin-sick despairing soul in the time of temptation the same being an extract of the unworthy authors experience of the particular following ... / by Ja. Barry ...
             Barry, James.
          
           [10], 133 p.
           
             Printed for the author,
             London :
             1699.
          
           
             Reproduction of original in the University of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign Campus). Library.
             Attributed to Barry James cf. BM.
             (from t.p.) I. The miraculous preservation of his bodily life, from the many deaths and eminent dangers which threatned it, while in a state of nature -- II. The method God took with him in awakening him to look into, and to mind soul concerns, when about fourteen years of age -- III. How the spirit of bondage took him, and what fearful work it made in his soul -- IV. How the spirit of adoption succeeded the spirit of bondage, healing and binding up the deep wounds caused in his soul thereby.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Temptation -- Early works to 1800.
        
      
    
     
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           A
           REVIVING
           CORDIAL
           FOR
           A
           Sin-sick
           Despairing
           SOUL
           ,
        
         
           In
           the
           Time
           of
           TEMPTATION
           THE
           Same
           being
           an
           Extract
           of
           the
           unworthy
           Authors
           Experience
           of
           the
           Particular
           following
           .
        
         
           I.
           The
           miraculous
           Preservation
           of
           his
           Bodily
           Life
           ,
           from
           the
           many
           Deaths
           and
           eminent
           dangers
           which
           threatned
           it
           ,
           while
           in
           a
           state
           of
           Nature
           .
        
         
           II.
           The
           Method
           God
           took
           with
           him
           in
           awakening
           him
           to
           look
           into
           ,
           and
           to
           mind
           Soul
           concerns
           ,
           when
           about
           Fourteen
           Years
           of
           Age.
           
        
         
           III.
           How
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Bondage
           took
           him
           ,
           and
           what
           fearful
           Work
           it
           made
           in
           his
           Soul.
           
        
         
           IV.
           How
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Adoption
           succeeded
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Bondage
           ,
           healing
           and
           binding
           up
           the
           deep
           Wounds
           Caused
           in
           his
           Soul
           thereby
           .
        
         
           C●●●
           ,
           and
           hear
           all
           ye
           that
           fear
           God
           ,
           and
           I
           will
           declare
           that
           he
           hath
           done
           for
           my
           Soul
           ,
           
             Psal
             .
             66.
             16.
             
          
        
         
           I
           will
           Praise
           thee
           ,
           for
           I
           am
           fearfully
           and
           wonderfully
           made
           ,
           marvelous
           are
           thy
           Works
           ,
           and
           that
           my
           Soul
           knoweth
           right
           well
           ,
           
             Psal
             .
             139.
             14.
             
          
        
         
           By
           
             Ja.
             Barry
          
           ,
           an
           unworthy
           Minister
           of
           the
           Gospel
           .
        
         
           London
           ,
           Printed
           for
           the
           Author
           .
           1699.
           
        
      
       
         
         
         
           To
           his
           very
           much
           Respected
           ,
           and
           highly
           Honoured
           Friend
           ,
           Mr.
           Nicholas
           Skinner
           ,
           Merchant
           of
           London
           .
        
         
           
             Worthy
             and
             Honored
             Sir
             ,
          
        
         
           THE
           laudable
           Character
           given
           you
           by
           some
           Ministers
           of
           Christ
           :
           and
           other
           good
           Souls
           ,
           now
           (
           I
           Charitably
           hope
           and
           believe
           )
           Praising
           God
           in
           Glory
           :
           Especially
           ,
           the
           experimental
           tast
           I
           my self
           have
           had
           of
           your
           goodness
           ,
           (
           since
           Providence
           made
           me
           so
           happy
           in
           your
           Acquaintance
           ;
           )
           hath
           Encouraged
           me
           to
           prefix
           your
           worthy
           and
           deserving
           Name
           to
           this
           small
           Tract
           ;
           whose
           design
           and
           chief
           tendency
           is
           ,
           to
           encourage
           poor
           dejected
           Souls
           (
           under
           the
           hidings
           of
           God's
           Face
           ,
           )
           to
           cast
           themselves
           on
           that
           (
           never
           failing
           )
           goodnss
           of
           God
           (
           in
           Christ
           ,
           )
           untill
           God's
           set
           time
           for
           Deliverance
           
           comes
           .
           And
           also
           ,
           to
           stir
           up
           experienced
           and
           grown
           Believers
           ,
           to
           a
           becoming
           Adoration
           ,
           and
           Praising
           of
           that
           Adorable
           Name
           ,
           and
           Wonder
           working
           Providence
           of
           the
           Glorious
           and
           Tremendous
           Jehovah
           ;
           which
           hath
           so
           conspicuously
           appear'd
           ,
           in
           the
           Deliverance
           wrought
           for
           me
           ,
           his
           poor
           nothing
           Creature
           ,
           (
           both
           for
           Soul
           and
           Body
           ,
           )
           and
           who
           am
           to
           this
           very
           Day
           )
           kept
           alive
           ,
           and
           upheld
           by
           that
           Divine
           Manutenency
           of
           his
           own
           ,
           to
           the
           great
           Admiration
           both
           of
           my self
           and
           those
           godly
           Souls
           who
           know
           my
           present
           Circumstances
           ;
           and
           Gods
           dealing
           with
           me
           .
           I
           have
           been
           (
           for
           several
           Years
           past
           )
           more
           than
           ordinarily
           Importun'd
           ,
           both
           by
           godly
           Divines
           ,
           and
           such
           Zealous
           working
           Christians
           as
           your self
           ,
           to
           Publish
           ,
           what
           (
           now
           )
           I
           have
           presumed
           to
           Dedicate
           ,
           to
           so
           dear
           and
           well
           deserving
           a
           Friend
           ,
           as
           you
           are
           well
           known
           to
           be
           ,
           both
           to
           God's
           Truth
           ,
           and
           such
           (
           as
           in
           any
           measure
           )
           bear
           the
           Blessed
           Image
           of
           his
           Son.
           The
           principal
           Motive
           of
           their
           importuning
           me
           to
           Publish
           this
           ,
           was
           the
           strange
           Influence
           ,
           the
           Relation
           hereof
           (
           from
           my
           
           own
           Mouth
           )
           had
           upon
           their
           own
           Spirits
           ,
           the
           effects
           whereof
           they
           were
           not
           able
           to
           hide
           ;
           the
           Tears
           of
           Joy
           gushing
           out
           (
           surprizingly
           )
           from
           their
           Eyes
           ;
           with
           both
           Eyes
           and
           Hands
           lifted
           up
           to
           Heaven
           ,
           wondering
           at
           ,
           and
           Adoreing
           the
           Wonders
           of
           God
           ,
           in
           my
           Case
           :
           Professing
           and
           declaring
           ,
           that
           (
           in
           all
           their
           time
           )
           they
           had
           neither
           heard
           ,
           nor
           known
           ,
           so
           much
           of
           the
           goodness
           and
           Grace
           of
           God
           ,
           vouchsased
           to
           a
           poor
           lost
           and
           undon
           sinner
           ,
           as
           was
           shewn
           and
           vouchsafed
           to
           unworthy
           me
           ;
           Which
           occasioned
           several
           of
           the
           godly
           Ministers
           ,
           especially
           ,
           Mr.
           
             Noah
             Bryan
          
           ,
           Mr.
           
             Timothy
             Taylor
          
           ,
           Mr.
           
             Samuel
             Mather
          
           ,
           and
           the
           dear
           Mr.
           
             Nathaniel
             Mather
          
           ,
           (
           all
           now
           with
           Christ
           )
           to
           profess
           ,
           that
           they
           never
           heard
           of
           ,
           or
           knew
           any
           Sinner
           come
           so
           near
           to
           Paul
           (
           as
           touching
           God's
           method
           ,
           and
           way
           ;
           of
           Working
           upon
           ,
           and
           dealing
           with
           him
           ,
           in
           ,
           and
           after
           his
           Conversion
           )
           as
           I
           did
           .
           And
           therefore
           they
           (
           unanimously
           )
           agreed
           (
           in
           Judging
           )
           that
           to
           Publish
           the
           same
           ,
           was
           my
           Duty
           .
           The
           which
           ,
           they
           doubted
           not
           ;
           would
           be
           greatly
           useful
           ,
           and
           that
           both
           to
           Saints
           and
           Sinners
           
           on
           sundry
           accounts
           .
           The
           sincere
           and
           upright
           Hearted
           
             Nathaniel
             Mather
          
           (
           late
           of
           Pinners-Hall
           ,
           )
           hath
           (
           several
           times
           )
           chid
           ;
           me
           for
           my
           backwardness
           to
           so
           necessary
           and
           useful
           a
           Work
           ;
           and
           a
           little
           before
           his
           Death
           ,
           he
           at
           me
           again
           about
           it
           ,
           examining
           into
           the
           Grounds
           of
           my
           backwardness
           herein
           .
           To
           whom
           I
           reply'd
           ,
           Sir
           ,
           There
           are
           two
           things
           which
           (
           hitherto
           )
           have
           kept
           me
           back
           from
           Publishing
           this
           my
           experience
           ,
           and
           how
           much
           of
           Satan
           there
           may
           be
           in
           it
           ,
           I
           cannot
           determin
           .
        
         
           The
           First
           is
           ,
           The
           difficulty
           which
           attends
           my
           setting
           down
           (
           in
           Writing
           )
           the
           working
           of
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Adoption
           ,
           in
           doscovering
           and
           applying
           Christ
           unto
           me
           ,
           the
           Remembrance
           whereof
           ,
           doth
           so
           swallow
           me
           up
           ,
           and
           melt
           me
           ,
           that
           I
           am
           not
           able
           to
           see
           my
           Paper
           for
           the
           Tears
           of
           Joy
           ,
           which
           obstruct
           my
           Visive
           Faculty
           .
           To
           which
           he
           Reply'd
           ,
           that
           it
           was
           pitty
           any
           thing
           should
           hinder
           me
           in
           so
           good
           (
           and
           useful
           )
           a
           Work.
           The
           Second
           is
           ,
           the
           fear
           Lodg'd
           within
           me
           ,
           of
           Peoples
           not
           Crediting
           the
           Relation
           I
           shall
           give
           hereof
           ,
           
           in
           case
           it
           were
           Printed
           ;
           For
           ,
           (
           said
           I
           )
           the
           greatest
           part
           of
           Professors
           are
           so
           great
           strangers
           to
           the
           nature
           of
           true
           Regeneration
           ,
           (
           especially
           when
           wrought
           in
           a
           Sinner
           ,
           in
           the
           way
           and
           method
           God
           took
           with
           me
           )
           that
           they
           will
           rather
           suspect
           ,
           and
           question
           the
           truth
           of
           what
           I
           relate
           ,
           than
           Praise
           God
           ,
           (
           or
           improve
           the
           same
           for
           their
           own
           good
           ,
           or
           Spiritual
           advantage
           )
           for
           the
           same
           .
           To
           which
           ,
           Reply
           was
           made
           ,
           That
           Satan
           was
           always
           ready
           to
           obstruct
           any
           good
           Work
           which
           hath
           the
           least
           tendency
           to
           God's
           Praise
           ,
           or
           the
           good
           of
           Souls
           .
           Since
           his
           departure
           ,
           the
           fresh
           Remembrance
           of
           the
           Importunities
           of
           the
           Worthies
           above
           Named
           ,
           together
           with
           the
           repeated
           Solicitations
           of
           several
           godly
           ,
           zealous
           Christians
           (
           yet
           living
           ,
           )
           have
           prevailed
           with
           me
           ,
           to
           beat
           my
           way
           through
           those
           Difficulties
           which
           lay
           before
           me
           ,
           leaving
           the
           Issue
           (
           of
           my
           present
           undertaking
           )
           to
           the
           powerful
           Providence
           of
           God
           ,
           to
           make
           the
           same
           successful
           ,
           in
           what
           it
           is
           designed
           for
           .
           And
           begging
           (
           most
           heartily
           )
           your
           Pardon
           ,
           for
           the
           method
           I
           have
           taken
           ,
           in
           acknowledging
           the
           
           great
           Kindness
           ,
           and
           Respect
           shewen
           (
           by
           your
           Religious
           and
           truly
           Generous
           self
           )
           to
           the
           meanest
           and
           most
           unworthy
           of
           Christ's
           (
           Dispised
           )
           Ambassadours
           ;
           the
           which
           (
           I
           doubt
           not
           )
           you
           will
           find
           Recorded
           in
           Heaven
           (
           by
           my
           Lord
           and
           Master
           ,
           )
           as
           an
           evident
           proof
           of
           your
           Faith
           in
           ,
           and
           unfeigned
           Love
           to
           Him
           ,
           and
           his
           Cause
           and
           Interest
           ,
           here
           on
           Earth
           .
           Let
           not
           (
           Dear
           Sir
           )
           the
           disadvantages
           under
           which
           I
           lye
           (
           on
           account
           of
           the
           slanderous
           Reproaches
           heaped
           on
           me
           ,
           by
           malicious
           Spirits
           ,
           lessen
           your
           hope
           of
           the
           glorious
           Recompence
           (
           of
           Reward
           )
           promised
           (
           by
           him
           that
           cannot
           lye
           )
           to
           all
           your
           Works
           and
           Labours
           of
           Love
           exprest
           to
           me
           ,
           and
           others
           of
           Gods
           Children
           ,
           for
           the
           Sake
           of
           Christ
           .
           He
           that
           will
           take
           notice
           of
           a
           cup
           of
           Cold
           Water
           given
           to
           a
           Disciple
           ,
           in
           the
           Name
           of
           his
           Disciple
           ,
           will
           (
           I
           question
           not
           )
           Record
           in
           Heaven
           ,
           the
           refreshing
           Wine
           I
           have
           drank
           at
           your
           Table
           ,
           (
           more
           than
           once
           )
           and
           the
           Silver
           and
           Gold
           sent
           me
           ,
           and
           given
           me
           by
           your self
           ,
           whereby
           both
           I
           and
           my
           distressed
           Family
           ,
           have
           been
           kept
           from
           sinking
           into
           the
           Dust
           .
        
         
         
           And
           albeit
           ,
           I
           should
           (
           at
           the
           great
           day
           of
           Judgment
           )
           appear
           to
           be
           a
           Cast
           away
           from
           Christ
           ,
           of
           which
           (
           through
           Infinite
           Grace
           )
           I
           am
           no
           more
           afraid
           ,
           than
           I
           am
           afraid
           that
           God
           can
           cease
           to
           be
           ,
           what
           he
           is
           .
        
         
           Yet
           your
           Integrity
           and
           Uprightness
           (
           in
           what
           you
           have
           done
           to
           me
           ,
           for
           Christ's
           sake
           )
           will
           be
           ,
           not
           only
           made
           known
           ,
           but
           graciously
           and
           abundantly
           Rewarded
           .
           (
           and
           if
           I
           mistake
           not
           the
           design
           of
           Providence
           ,
           which
           hath
           put
           me
           upon
           fixing
           my
           thoughts
           on
           your self
           ,
           as
           the
           fittest
           and
           most
           deserving
           Person
           to
           whom
           ,
           to
           Dedicate
           this
           small
           Extract
           ,
           of
           the
           large
           experience
           I
           have
           had
           of
           God's
           Incomprehensible
           goodness
           ,
           and
           Infinite
           All-Sufficiency
           ,
           in
           saving
           a
           lost
           Sinner
           )
           .
           I
           look
           on
           this
           Dedication
           to
           be
           (
           as
           it
           were
           )
           a
           
             〈◊〉
             〈◊〉
             〈◊〉
             〈◊〉
             〈◊〉
          
           ,
           or
           fore-runner
           of
           Christ's
           (
           openly
           )
           acknowledging
           and
           rewarding
           those
           your
           Acts
           of
           Love
           ,
           and
           Pitty
           so
           secretly
           done
           to
           him
           ,
           in
           the
           Person
           of
           me
           the
           poorest
           and
           unworthiest
           of
           his
           Representatives
           here
           on
           Earth
           ,
           according
           to
           
             Prov.
             19.
             17.
             
             Mat.
             6.
             4.
             
             Mat.
             25.
             45.
             
             Heb.
          
           6.
           10.
           
        
         
         
           The
           Searcher
           of
           Hearts
           ,
           knows
           I
           am
           far
           from
           flattering
           you
           ,
           in
           what
           I
           say
           (
           of
           you
           )
           in
           this
           Dedication
           .
           He
           who
           hath
           so
           (
           abundantly
           )
           blest
           you
           with
           a
           comfortable
           Estate
           here
           ,
           and
           hath
           enricht
           your
           brave
           and
           generous
           Soul
           with
           such
           a
           Stock
           of
           Heavenly
           Wisdom
           ,
           and
           saving
           Grace
           ,
           as
           keeps
           you
           from
           swelling
           with
           Pride
           and
           Conceit
           ,
           of
           what
           he
           hath
           made
           you
           ,
           Perfect
           his
           own
           Blessed
           work
           begun
           in
           you
           ,
           to
           the
           Day
           of
           Christ
           .
           And
           that
           the
           same
           may
           be
           the
           Portion
           of
           your
           Virtuous
           and
           Religious
           Consort
           ,
           and
           your
           Dear
           Off-spring
           ,
           is
           the
           Cordial
           wish
           ,
           and
           shall
           be
           the
           hearty
           Prayer
           of
           (
           Dear
           and
           Honoured
           Sir
           )
           your
           (
           dearly
           Loving
           ,
           and
           highly
           obliged
           )
           Friend
           and
           Servant
           ,
           in
           the
           best
           and
           strongest
           of
           Bonds
           (
           viz.
           )
           Gospel
           Love.
           
        
         
           
             James
             Barry
             .
          
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           A
           Reviving
           Cordial
           ,
           FOR
           A
           SIN
           SICK
           DISPAIRING
           SOUL
           ,
           In
           the
           time
           of
           TEMPTATION
           ,
           &c.
           
        
         
           
             CHAP.
             I.
             
          
           
             Sheing
             the
             strange
             Works
             of
             Providence
             ,
             in
             preserving
             me
             from
             the
             mauy
             Deaths
             which
             threatened
             me
             .
          
           
             THE
             First
             of
             the
             many
             Wonders
             which
             the
             Adorable
             Providence
             of
             God
             effected
             ,
             in
             preserving
             me
             from
             Death
             was
             ,
             as
             follows
             .
             Being
             put
             out
             to
             Nurse
             ,
             to
             an
             Irish
             Papist
             ,
             in
             the
             times
             of
             Trouble
             ,
             before
             Ireland
             was
             Reduced
             .
             My
             Nurse
             about
             the
             latter
             end
             
             of
             the
             Month
             of
             January
             ,
             (
             fearing
             (
             as
             she
             at
             least
             pretended
             )
             the
             Rage
             of
             the
             Irish
             Soldiers
             ,
             least
             they
             should
             Inhumanly
             Butcher
             me
             ;
             or
             rather
             ,
             kill
             her self
             ;
             and
             Husband
             ,
             for
             offering
             to
             Nurse
             a
             Hereticks
             Child
             ,
             (
             as
             they
             called
             me
             )
             cast
             me
             out
             upon
             a
             Dung-hill
             in
             a
             great
             Snow
             ,
             where
             I
             had
             (
             undoubtedly
             )
             Perished
             ,
             had
             not
             Providence
             sent
             Relief
             in
             the
             very
             nick
             of
             time
             ,
             which
             was
             thus
             effected
             .
             At
             the
             same
             time
             ,
             when
             I
             lay
             in
             that
             most
             deplorable
             Condition
             in
             the
             Snow
             ,
             no
             (
             Eye
             pittying
             me
             ,
             )
             there
             was
             a
             Servant
             of
             my
             Fathers
             down
             in
             the
             Country
             about
             Concerns
             of
             my
             Fathers
             ,
             who
             as
             he
             was
             returning
             Home
             ,
             declining
             the
             Road
             ,
             which
             was
             his
             proper
             Way
             ;
             takes
             another
             way
             ,
             which
             directly
             led
             him
             through
             the
             Village
             where
             I
             was
             ,
             he
             not
             (
             in
             the
             least
             )
             knowing
             any
             Ground
             ,
             or
             Reason
             why
             ,
             or
             wherefore
             ,
             he
             should
             leave
             the
             High
             and
             Common
             Road
             ,
             to
             pass
             through
             that
             Village
             ;
             but
             finding
             in
             himself
             a
             strange
             Impulse
             upon
             his
             Spirit
             ,
             he
             gave
             way
             .
             And
             as
             he
             passed
             through
             the
             Street
             ,
             between
             the
             House
             from
             whence
             I
             had
             been
             Cast
             ,
             and
             the
             Dung-hill
             where
             I
             lay
             ;
             hearing
             a
             most
             Lamentable
             and
             Piteous
             Cry
             of
             a
             young
             Infant
             ,
             (
             as
             he
             apprehended
             )
             out
             of
             Doors
             ,
             stops
             his
             Horse
             to
             see
             where
             the
             Infant
             lay
             ,
             but
             the
             
             Snow
             being
             deep
             ,
             and
             it
             Snowing
             a
             pace
             ,
             he
             could
             perceive
             nothing
             .
             But
             following
             the
             Voice
             of
             the
             Cry
             ,
             he
             was
             led
             to
             the
             place
             where
             I
             lay
             ;
             he
             forthwith
             knocks
             at
             the
             Door
             next
             to
             the
             Dung-hill
             ,
             to
             enquire
             after
             the
             cruel
             ,
             and
             unnatural
             Mother
             of
             that
             poor
             dying
             Infant
             on
             the
             Dung-hill
             ,
             or
             to
             entreat
             somebody
             ,
             to
             take
             Pitty
             on
             so
             despicable
             an
             Object
             .
             On
             this
             ,
             my
             Nurse
             informs
             the
             Man
             whose
             Child
             I
             was
             ,
             with
             the
             whole
             of
             my
             circumstances
             ,
             no
             sooner
             had
             he
             understood
             whose
             I
             was
             ,
             but
             he
             runs
             to
             the
             place
             where
             I
             lay
             ,
             takes
             me
             up
             ,
             lapping
             me
             in
             his
             Cloak
             ,
             and
             brings
             me
             Home
             to
             my
             Parents
             ,
             fifteen
             long
             Miles
             ,
             without
             the
             least
             Nurture
             either
             of
             Breast
             or
             Spoon
             ,
             (
             for
             the
             support
             of
             decaying
             Nature
             )
             :
             All
             that
             fifteen
             Miles
             ,
             besides
             the
             space
             I
             lay
             on
             the
             Dung-hill
             ,
             which
             (
             as
             my
             Nurse
             her self
             confest
             to
             the
             Man
             )
             was
             about
             five
             hours
             ,
             I
             continued
             to
             make
             sad
             complaints
             ,
             by
             abounding
             in
             Heart
             moving
             Skreeks
             ,
             and
             piteous
             moans
             all
             the
             Day
             ;
             the
             Man
             expecting
             every
             moment
             when
             I
             should
             expire
             .
             In
             this
             condition
             ,
             he
             presents
             me
             a
             sad
             spectacle
             to
             my
             Parents
             ,
             acquainting
             them
             where
             ,
             and
             how
             he
             found
             me
             ,
             and
             how
             that
             he
             was
             (
             he
             knew
             not
             how
             or
             wherefore
             )
             turned
             off
             from
             his
             Road
             to
             go
             that
             way
             ,
             where
             he
             met
             with
             me
             .
             Forthwith
             
             an
             Express
             was
             posted
             away
             ,
             for
             three
             or
             four
             of
             the
             Chief
             Physitians
             who
             were
             then
             in
             Dublin
             ,
             who
             immediately
             hastned
             to
             my
             Fathers
             ,
             (
             being
             about
             two
             Miles
             and
             a
             half
             from
             Dublin
             ,
             )
             the
             utmost
             of
             their
             Skill
             and
             Judgment
             was
             Improved
             for
             my
             present
             help
             and
             relief
             ,
             but
             all
             in
             vain
             .
             The
             Intricacy
             of
             my
             state
             and
             Condition
             of
             Body
             being
             such
             ,
             as
             sufficienly
             nonplust
             and
             Baffled
             all
             their
             Skill
             ,
             finding
             no
             probability
             (
             in
             a
             rational
             way
             )
             of
             Recovering
             me
             ,
             they
             gave
             me
             up
             ,
             assuring
             my
             Relations
             that
             I
             was
             a
             gon
             Child
             ,
             (
             as
             to
             this
             World.
             )
             The
             Doctors
             forsaking
             me
             ;
             other
             means
             were
             applied
             by
             Ancient
             Men
             ,
             and
             Midwives
             ;
             who
             seem'd
             to
             have
             good
             Judgement
             and
             long
             experience
             in
             curing
             Children
             ;
             neither
             availed
             this
             any
             thing
             ,
             God
             having
             blasted
             all
             that
             men
             could
             effect
             (
             as
             Instruments
             )
             to
             make
             way
             for
             his
             Blessing
             on
             that
             means
             ,
             which
             he
             himself
             had
             singled
             out
             for
             my
             effectual
             cure
             ,
             that
             the
             same
             might
             be
             Recorded
             to
             the
             Eternal
             Praise
             of
             his
             own
             Wonder
             working
             Providence
             ,
             as
             will
             afterwards
             appear
             .
             All
             means
             apply'd
             for
             my
             cure
             and
             recovery
             ,
             were
             (
             by
             the
             powerful
             Providence
             of
             God
             )
             ,
             made
             effectual
             Food
             ,
             to
             nourish
             ,
             and
             feed
             the
             Distempers
             which
             threatned
             the
             Life
             of
             my
             Body
             ;
             untill
             I
             was
             at
             length
             taken
             by
             all
             for
             Dead
             .
             No
             motion
             
             of
             Life
             appearing
             in
             me
             ,
             I
             was
             stretched
             out
             ,
             put
             into
             the
             Winding-Sheet
             ,
             and
             Nailed
             uy
             in
             my
             Coffin
             .
             And
             as
             Frinds
             and
             Neighbours
             were
             just
             going
             out
             of
             the
             Door
             ,
             to
             accompany
             me
             to
             my
             long
             Home
             ,
             the
             Person
             who
             carried
             the
             Coffin
             ,
             both
             perceived
             me
             to
             stir
             ,
             and
             also
             heard
             me
             to
             cry
             in
             the
             Coffin
             :
             At
             which
             ,
             all
             were
             not
             a
             little
             amazed
             ,
             and
             some
             so
             affrighted
             that
             they
             Run
             awy
             .
          
           
             About
             near
             two
             Months
             after
             this
             escape
             ,
             I
             was
             a
             second
             time
             taken
             for
             Dead
             ,
             in
             the
             opinion
             of
             all
             the
             Family
             ,
             stretched
             out
             and
             wraped
             in
             a
             Winding-Sheet
             ,
             and
             least
             they
             might
             be
             over
             hasty
             in
             Burying
             me
             ,
             it
             was
             judged
             expedient
             to
             wake
             with
             me
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             manner
             and
             Custom
             in
             Ireland
             ,
             by
             People
             sitting
             up
             all
             Night
             with
             many
             Lights
             in
             the
             Room
             where
             the
             Corps
             lyes
             .
             It
             pleas'd
             God
             ,
             that
             about
             Mid-Night
             ,
             they
             who
             Watcht
             me
             ,
             saw
             me
             lift
             up
             the
             Sheet
             ,
             to
             their
             great
             Astonishment
             .
          
           
             Notwithstanding
             these
             strange
             and
             unexpected
             Revivals
             ,
             I
             was
             no
             small
             grief
             and
             burthen
             to
             my
             Parents
             ,
             and
             other
             Relations
             in
             the
             Family
             ,
             and
             that
             on
             the
             account
             of
             my
             continuing
             so
             Long
             in
             Pain
             and
             Misery
             ,
             no
             endeavours
             of
             Creatures
             likely
             to
             do
             me
             good
             .
          
           
           
             As
             I
             grew
             in
             Age
             ,
             so
             my
             Distemper
             waxed
             and
             grew
             at
             such
             a
             rate
             ,
             that
             my
             little
             Body
             waxed
             very
             big
             ,
             and
             mishapen
             :
             my
             B●lly
             was
             as
             big
             as
             an
             ordinary
             Tubb
             ,
             or
             Drum
             ,
             My
             Legs
             no
             way
             able
             to
             bear
             ,
             or
             carry
             my
             Distemper'd
             body
             .
             Thus
             was
             I
             a
             burthen
             not
             only
             to
             others
             ,
             but
             also
             to
             my self
             ,
             untill
             it
             pleased
             God
             to
             check
             and
             controul
             the
             Humors
             and
             Distempers
             in
             my
             Body
             ,
             which
             else
             had
             Checkt
             me
             into
             the
             Dust
             .
          
           
             The
             means
             of
             my
             Recovery
             was
             ,
             as
             followeth
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             On
             a
             certain
             Day
             ,
             as
             I
             was
             in
             the
             Arms
             of
             a
             Maid
             Servant
             ,
             whose
             only
             Work
             it
             was
             ,
             to
             attend
             on
             and
             Minister
             unto
             me
             ,
             I
             beheld
             on
             the
             ground
             ,
             before
             the
             Door
             ,
             some
             speckled
             Shell
             Snails
             ,
             which
             dropt
             out
             of
             the
             Load
             of
             Furze
             that
             came
             to
             the
             Door
             ,
             these
             Snailes
             I
             Cry'd
             to
             have
             them
             ,
             the
             Maid
             willing
             ●a
             gratify
             my
             desire
             ,
             pickt
             up
             as
             many
             as
             she
             could
             see
             of
             them
             ,
             with
             these
             I
             pleased
             my
             Fancy
             ,
             playing
             with
             them
             till
             weary
             :
             After
             which
             I
             motioned
             to
             put
             the
             Snails
             into
             the
             Fire
             ,
             and
             after
             a
             little
             while
             ,
             when
             I
             apprehended
             they
             were
             Rosted
             ,
             I
             cryed
             to
             have
             them
             again
             ,
             the
             Maid
             and
             all
             others
             that
             beheld
             me
             ,
             wondred
             greatly
             what
             I
             designed
             to
             do
             with
             them
             ,
             no
             sooner
             had
             I
             clear'd
             them
             from
             the
             Shells
             ,
             but
             (
             to
             the
             great
             amazement
             of
             the
             
             Spectators
             )
             I
             fell
             to
             Eat
             them
             ,
             and
             to
             such
             satisfaction
             ,
             that
             (
             having
             once
             tasted
             of
             them
             )
             I
             could
             not
             for
             some
             considerable
             time
             ,
             be
             prevailed
             with
             to
             Eat
             any
             other
             Meat
             except
             Snails
             .
             This
             new
             Diet
             (
             to
             which
             neither
             entreaty
             ,
             nor
             yet
             example
             of
             any
             Mortal
             mov'd
             me
             (
             did
             by
             the
             Blessing
             of
             God
             ,
             prove
             both
             Food
             and
             Physick
             ;
             for
             by
             them
             I
             was
             (
             to
             the
             great
             astonishment
             of
             them
             who
             knew
             me
             )
             greatly
             nourished
             ,
             and
             apparently
             advantaged
             in
             point
             of
             Health
             :
             For
             in
             a
             short
             time
             after
             I
             had
             taker
             to
             Eating
             Snails
             the
             Swelling
             of
             my
             Body
             asswaged
             ,
             and
             the
             use
             of
             my
             Limbs
             I
             recovered
             :
             As
             I
             began
             with
             this
             new
             Diet
             ,
             so
             I
             continued
             untill
             I
             was
             perfectly
             cured
             ,
             to
             the
             great
             admiration
             and
             wonderment
             of
             all
             sorts
             ,
             who
             both
             saw
             and
             heard
             of
             my
             Practice
             herein
             .
             Many
             (
             both
             Friends
             and
             strangers
             )
             did
             come
             from
             City
             and
             Country
             to
             see
             and
             hear
             of
             me
             ,
             hearing
             the
             strangeness
             and
             rareness
             of
             my
             case
             :
             Among
             these
             were
             my
             Physitians
             ,
             who
             formerly
             gave
             me
             up
             for
             a
             dead
             Child
             ;
             they
             at
             the
             first
             hearing
             of
             my
             being
             in
             a
             hopefull
             way
             of
             Recovery
             ,
             could
             not
             credit
             the
             News
             ,
             till
             hearing
             it
             with
             great
             Confidence
             affirmed
             ;
             they
             set
             a
             time
             for
             coming
             to
             my
             Fathers
             to
             see
             ,
             and
             enquire
             whether
             what
             was
             storied
             about
             my
             Recovery
             were
             true
             ;
             they
             
             finding
             it
             so
             ,
             both
             by
             their
             seeing
             and
             handling
             my
             Body
             ;
             as
             also
             the
             information
             they
             received
             from
             my
             Parents
             concerning
             the
             means
             of
             my
             cure
             ,
             together
             with
             the
             manner
             of
             my
             making
             use
             of
             such
             means
             of
             my
             own
             accord
             .
             They
             exceedingly
             admired
             at
             it
             ,
             concluding
             with
             one
             accord
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             immediately
             from
             the
             Spirit
             of
             God
             ,
             and
             was
             certainly
             Miraculous
             .
             This
             account
             I
             had
             from
             my
             Friends
             and
             Relations
             ,
             who
             were
             both
             Eye
             and
             Ear
             Witnesses
             of
             what
             I
             have
             here
             Related
             .
             But
             least
             any
             should
             doubt
             the
             truth
             of
             this
             Relation
             ,
             I
             shall
             briefly
             add
             Two
             things
             ,
             which
             fully
             satisfies
             my
             own
             Soul
             of
             the
             truth
             hereof
             .
          
           
             The
             first
             is
             ,
             The
             perfect
             Remembrance
             I
             have
             of
             my
             Eating
             Snails
             frequently
             ,
             when
             a
             little
             one
             .
          
           
             The
             second
             is
             ,
             The
             frequentness
             of
             the
             Scorns
             and
             Mocks
             wherewith
             I
             have
             met
             ,
             even
             from
             my
             own
             (
             since
             our
             difference
             about
             Religion
             )
             who
             (
             when
             discoursing
             about
             my
             leaving
             the
             Church
             )
             have
             many
             times
             ,
             and
             often
             hit
             me
             in
             the
             Teeth
             (
             by
             way
             of
             Reproach
             )
             with
             what
             I
             was
             ,
             when
             an
             Infant
             ,
             How
             that
             I
             was
             cast
             out
             on
             a
             Dung-hill
             ,
             and
             afterwards
             nailed
             up
             in
             a
             Coffin
             ,
             my
             Grave
             made
             ,
             and
             a
             carrying
             away
             to
             be
             Buried
             :
             And
             alass
             !
             The
             greatest
             grief
             of
             all
             was
             ,
             
             that
             I
             was
             not
             at
             that
             time
             Buried
             alive
             ,
             rather
             than
             I
             should
             live
             to
             be
             a
             Phanatick
             ,
             and
             (
             on
             that
             account
             )
             such
             a
             stain
             and
             blemish
             to
             the
             whole
             Family
             ,
             There
             never
             having
             been
             a
             Phanatick
             of
             the
             Family
             before
             me
          
           
             And
             thus
             ,
             I
             have
             (
             as
             briefly
             as
             I
             could
             )
             given
             an
             Impartial
             Account
             of
             the
             first
             strange
             Deliverance
             wrought
             for
             me
             ,
             by
             the
             Holy
             ,
             and
             All-Working
             Providence
             of
             God.
             
          
           
             The
             Second
             escape
             from
             Death
             ,
             when
             a
             Babe
             ;
             was
             as
             follows
             .
             Being
             one
             Night
             fast
             a
             sleep
             in
             Bed
             ,
             the
             Maid
             who
             tended
             me
             ,
             and
             constantly
             lay
             by
             me
             ,
             neglecting
             to
             Extinguish
             her
             Candle
             when
             she
             lay
             down
             ;
             the
             Candlestick
             being
             so
             placed
             by
             the
             Maid
             ,
             that
             the
             Candle
             burning
             down
             near
             the
             Socket
             ,
             or
             by
             some
             accidental
             motion
             of
             hers
             (
             when
             asleep
             )
             throwing
             the
             Candle
             down
             into
             the
             Bed
             ,
             the
             Sheets
             and
             other
             Bed-Cloaths
             took
             Fire
             ,
             which
             prevailed
             so
             far
             ,
             that
             the
             Bed
             ,
             Sheets
             ,
             Rugg
             and
             Mat
             ,
             were
             spoiled
             and
             unfit
             for
             use
             afterwards
             .
             The
             Maid
             and
             I
             fast
             asleep
             ,
             both
             insensible
             of
             the
             apparent
             danger
             we
             were
             in
             .
             It
             pleased
             God
             that
             my
             Father
             (
             being
             awakned
             in
             Bed
             )
             smelt
             the
             scent
             of
             burning
             ,
             which
             was
             so
             hot
             in
             his
             Nose
             ,
             that
             he
             feared
             danger
             by
             Fire
             ,
             it
             being
             in
             the
             
             dead
             of
             the
             Night
             .
             The
             whole
             Family
             Buried
             in
             Sleep
             (
             except
             himself
             )
             he
             could
             not
             rest
             ,
             but
             gets
             up
             in
             his
             naked
             Shirt
             ,
             goes
             from
             Chamber
             to
             Chamber
             ,
             to
             search
             out
             where
             the
             Fire
             should
             be
             ;
             and
             coming
             at
             length
             to
             the
             Chamber
             where
             I
             lay
             ,
             he
             finds
             the
             Room
             all
             in
             a
             Smother
             ,
             the
             Bed
             and
             Cloths
             all
             on
             Fire
             ,
             and
             the
             Maid
             and
             I
             fast
             asleep
             .
             The
             first
             thing
             that
             my
             Father
             did
             ,
             was
             to
             snatch
             me
             out
             of
             Bed
             ,
             and
             by
             the
             suddenness
             of
             the
             wakening
             me
             out
             of
             Sleep
             ,
             and
             seeing
             the
             Fire
             ;
             I
             was
             frighted
             ,
             and
             began
             to
             Cry
             ;
             my
             Father
             fearing
             least
             harm
             should
             thence
             ensue
             to
             my
             Mother
             ,
             who
             was
             at
             that
             very
             time
             near
             the
             time
             of
             Travel
             ,
             he
             claps
             his
             Hand
             on
             my
             Mouth
             ,
             and
             in
             his
             Arms
             carries
             me
             out
             to
             the
             Mault
             House
             (
             very
             near
             the
             house
             )
             where
             lay
             a
             Family
             of
             English
             People
             ,
             who
             managed
             the
             Mault
             House
             ,
             he
             throws
             me
             hastily
             into
             Bed
             to
             them
             ,
             charging
             them
             to
             keep
             me
             warm
             ,
             and
             to
             quiet
             me
             .
             Having
             thus
             secured
             me
             ,
             he
             forthwith
             returns
             to
             the
             Fire
             ,
             where
             he
             found
             the
             Maid
             still
             fast
             a
             Sleep
             ,
             and
             by
             all
             he
             could
             do
             ,
             he
             could
             not
             awake
             her
             ,
             untill
             the
             Fire
             Burning
             her
             Flesh
             ,
             she
             at
             length
             starts
             up
             ,
             and
             in
             an
             amazing
             Surprize
             ,
             seeing
             her self
             compast
             with
             Fire
             ,
             and
             missing
             me
             in
             the
             Bed
             ,
             and
             finding
             my
             Father
             be-labouring
             himself
             in
             quenching
             the
             Fire
             ,
             
             she
             begins
             to
             raise
             the
             shout
             ,
             my
             Father
             presently
             stops
             her
             Mouth
             ,
             and
             made
             her
             sensible
             how
             things
             were
             ,
             and
             that
             the
             Child
             was
             safe
             ;
             and
             being
             come
             to
             her self
             ,
             she
             arose
             ,
             and
             helped
             my
             Father
             to
             put
             out
             the
             Fire
             ;
             that
             no
             farther
             harm
             was
             done
             .
             Now
             how
             near
             I
             was
             to
             Death
             ,
             I
             leave
             every
             sober
             Reader
             to
             Judge
             .
          
           
             A
             Third
             Deliverance
             wrought
             for
             me
             by
             Divine
             Providence
             was
             ,
             his
             saving
             me
             from
             perrishing
             by
             a
             Dog.
             The
             manner
             whereof
             ,
             was
             thus
             ,
             One
             Morning
             ,
             standing
             besides
             a
             Table
             ,
             in
             the
             Common-Hall
             ,
             where
             a
             Gentleman
             (
             who
             was
             Caterer
             to
             my
             Fathers
             Family
             )
             was
             at
             Breakfast
             ,
             in
             order
             to
             a
             going
             to
             Market
             ,
             to
             Buy
             Provision
             for
             the
             House
             ;
             I
             perfectly
             Remember
             the
             Meat
             he
             had
             ,
             was
             Butter'd
             Fish
             ;
             I
             expecting
             and
             hopeing
             ,
             he
             would
             give
             me
             some
             part
             of
             the
             Fish
             ;
             stood
             over
             against
             him
             ,
             peeping
             up
             at
             him
             ;
             with
             my
             little
             Fingers
             on
             the
             edge
             of
             the
             Table
             :
             The
             Gentleman
             perceiving
             the
             posture
             I
             was
             in
             ;
             hands
             out
             his
             Plate
             to
             me
             ,
             with
             some
             of
             the
             Fish
             ;
             the
             which
             I
             readily
             embraceing
             ;
             the
             great
             Mastiff
             Dog
             (
             a
             greater
             and
             fiercer
             than
             which
             I
             never
             saw
             )
             lying
             under
             the
             Table
             ;
             and
             seeing
             me
             stretch
             out
             my
             Hand
             ,
             to
             reach
             the
             Plate
             ;
             bounc'd
             out
             of
             a
             sudden
             ,
             lays
             hold
             on
             me
             ,
             and
             pull'd
             me
             to
             him
             ,
             under
             
             the
             Table
             ;
             Catches
             hold
             of
             my
             Head
             ,
             the
             which
             he
             had
             wholly
             in
             his
             Mouth
             at
             one
             bit
             ,
             up
             to
             my
             very
             Throat
             .
             The
             Gentleman
             astonished
             hereat
             ,
             and
             well
             knowing
             the
             disposition
             ,
             and
             uncontroulableness
             of
             the
             Dog
             (
             there
             being
             but
             one
             in
             all
             the
             Family
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             the
             Cook
             ,
             of
             whom
             the
             Dog
             stood
             in
             fear
             ,
             )
             runs
             forth
             ,
             crys
             out
             ,
             for
             Richard
             the
             Cook
             in
             all
             haste
             ;
             for
             the
             Dog
             ,
             Lion
             ,
             was
             worrying
             the
             Child
             in
             the
             Common-Hall
             .
             The
             Cook
             at
             length
             entering
             the
             Room
             ,
             to
             which
             the
             Gentleman
             directed
             him
             ,
             Tingled
             a
             Bell
             ,
             which
             he
             always
             used
             to
             do
             ,
             when
             he
             corrected
             that
             Dog
             ,
             when
             a
             Puppy
             ,
             crying
             out
             (
             vehemently
             )
             Lion
             ,
             come
             off
             ,
             Sirrah
             .
             The
             great
             Dog
             ,
             which
             had
             almost
             made
             an
             end
             of
             me
             ;
             goes
             off
             ,
             leaving
             me
             weltering
             in
             my
             Blood
             :
             My
             Head
             (
             especially
             my
             Face
             )
             all
             over
             Dy'd
             in
             Blood
             ;
             which
             caused
             great
             and
             amazing
             Fear
             in
             all
             that
             saw
             me
             in
             that
             sad
             Condition
             ,
             that
             my
             Eyes
             were
             Gnawed
             out
             ;
             untill
             they
             Washed
             my
             Face
             ,
             the
             which
             when
             they
             had
             done
             ;
             they
             perceived
             that
             my
             Eyes
             were
             untouched
             :
             The
             reason
             of
             which
             (
             as
             was
             Judged
             by
             all
             )
             being
             that
             the
             Dog
             ,
             had
             gotten
             my
             Head
             so
             far
             into
             his
             Mouth
             ,
             that
             his
             Teeth
             could
             not
             reach
             my
             Eyes
             .
             Thus
             did
             God
             keep
             and
             preserve
             me
             ,
             in
             this
             apparent
             and
             eminent
             Danger
             ,
             there
             being
             
             no
             other
             harm
             done
             me
             ,
             save
             that
             there
             remains
             still
             several
             holes
             ,
             or
             impressions
             made
             by
             the
             Dogs
             Teeth
             ,
             in
             my
             Nose
             ,
             and
             other
             places
             in
             my
             Face
             ,
             the
             which
             ,
             nothing
             but
             the
             Grave
             can
             deface
             and
             wear
             out
             .
          
           
             A
             Fourth
             Deliverance
             effected
             for
             me
             (
             by
             Divine
             Providence
             )
             was
             ,
             saving
             me
             from
             Drowning
             .
             The
             manner
             of
             it
             was
             thus
             ,
             As
             I
             was
             in
             Company
             with
             one
             of
             my
             Aunts
             ,
             in
             the
             Park
             ,
             where
             stands
             a
             great
             Pool
             of
             Water
             ,
             called
             the
             Horse
             Pool
             ,
             where
             the
             Horses
             used
             to
             be
             Watered
             .
             My
             Aunt
             earnestly
             employ'd
             ,
             about
             some
             fine
             small
             Cloaths
             (
             a
             Suit
             of
             Child-Bed
             Linnen
             ,
             if
             I
             forget
             not
             )
             and
             leaving
             me
             to
             my
             liberty
             ,
             to
             ramble
             while
             she
             managed
             her
             own
             Business
             ;
             I
             drew
             near
             to
             the
             Pool
             ,
             and
             lying
             down
             on
             the
             Banks
             brink
             ,
             with
             my
             Face
             to
             the
             Water
             ,
             and
             seeing
             some
             Living
             Creatures
             ,
             as
             small
             as
             a
             Horse
             Hair
             ,
             crawling
             in
             the
             Water
             ,
             and
             within
             my
             Arms
             reach
             (
             as
             I
             thought
             )
             I
             longing
             to
             catch
             some
             of
             them
             ,
             put
             my
             Hand
             into
             the
             Water
             ,
             and
             pursuing
             them
             ,
             forced
             my
             Body
             forward
             ,
             that
             I
             could
             not
             recover
             my self
             again
             ,
             before
             I
             sunk
             down
             from
             the
             Bank
             into
             the
             Water
             ,
             with
             my
             Head
             down
             ,
             and
             my
             Heels
             up
             ,
             the
             Water
             entering
             into
             my
             Body
             at
             my
             Mouth
             and
             other
             parts
             .
             My
             
             Aunt
             missing
             me
             ,
             she
             looks
             about
             and
             call
             for
             me
             ,
             but
             neither
             seeing
             nor
             hearing
             me
             ,
             she
             leaves
             her
             Cloaths
             ;
             and
             runs
             to
             the
             Water
             Pool
             ,
             (
             of
             which
             she
             was
             jealous
             )
             ,
             and
             there
             she
             finds
             me
             with
             my
             Heels
             up
             in
             the
             Pool
             ,
             gone
             almost
             out
             of
             her
             reach
             into
             the
             Depth
             ,
             she
             in
             an
             exceeding
             fright
             ,
             about
             me
             ,
             takes
             the
             Water
             (
             to
             her
             own
             great
             hazard
             )
             and
             catching
             fast
             hold
             by
             one
             of
             my
             Legs
             ,
             she
             pulls
             me
             to
             her
             ,
             and
             so
             brings
             me
             out
             of
             the
             Water
             ,
             but
             with
             very
             small
             hopes
             of
             my
             Life
             ;
             for
             I
             had
             been
             so
             long
             in
             the
             Water
             ,
             and
             the
             Water
             having
             gotten
             in
             such
             abundance
             into
             my
             Body
             ,
             that
             for
             a
             considerable
             time
             ,
             she
             could
             not
             perceive
             the
             least
             breathing
             in
             me
             ,
             which
             made
             her
             conclude
             I
             was
             Dead
             ;
             but
             it
             pleased
             God
             that
             I
             Revived
             again
             .
             Now
             Reader
             ,
             think
             seriously
             with
             thy self
             ,
             how
             near
             I
             was
             to
             a
             passing
             from
             one
             deep
             ,
             to
             another
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             from
             that
             deep
             Pool
             of
             Water
             ,
             into
             the
             bottomless
             depth
             of
             an
             endless
             Eternity
             .
             Oh!
             The
             Adoreable
             and
             unfathomable
             depth
             of
             Gods
             Incomprehensible
             Providence
             .
             Oh!
             Think
             of
             this
             Providence
             ,
             and
             give
             the
             Glory
             of
             the
             Deliverance
             to
             God.
             
          
           
             Another
             strange
             and
             wonderful
             escape
             I
             had
             ,
             was
             from
             a
             dangerous
             Boar.
             It
             was
             thus
             ,
             One
             day
             ,
             my
             Eldest
             brother
             (
             afterwards
             
             a
             Counsellor
             at
             Law
             ,
             but
             now
             in
             Eternity
             )
             and
             I
             walking
             down
             to
             the
             Sea-side
             ,
             with
             a
             Gray-Hound
             along
             with
             us
             ,
             designing
             our
             Sport
             by
             Coursing
             Rabbets
             .
             In
             the
             way
             ,
             the
             Gray-Hound
             meeting
             with
             a
             little
             Pig
             ,
             which
             belonged
             to
             my
             Fathers
             Herd
             of
             Swine
             .
             This
             Pig
             running
             away
             from
             the
             Gray-Hound
             ,
             the
             Gray-Hound
             follows
             ,
             takes
             hold
             of
             the
             Pig
             ,
             the
             Pig
             cryes
             out
             ,
             (
             all
             the
             Herd
             which
             was
             near
             Fourscore
             )
             comes
             in
             to
             the
             relief
             of
             the
             Pig
             ;
             I
             hastned
             to
             get
             the
             Dog
             off
             ,
             by
             calling
             and
             beating
             ,
             but
             the
             more
             I
             belaboured
             me
             ,
             in
             getting
             the
             Dog
             off
             ,
             the
             faster
             the
             Dog
             held
             his
             hold
             ;
             the
             whole
             Herd
             in
             a
             Ring
             about
             me
             ,
             and
             the
             Gray-Hound
             with
             open
             Mouth
             ,
             which
             caused
             some
             fear
             in
             me
             ,
             at
             the
             length
             while
             I
             was
             beating
             off
             the
             Dog
             ,
             the
             great
             Boar
             with
             open
             Mouth
             makes
             at
             me
             ,
             mounting
             up
             with
             his
             Fore-Feet
             on
             my
             Breast
             ,
             throws
             me
             on
             my
             Back
             ,
             between
             two
             Furrows
             :
             The
             Boar
             thus
             on
             the
             Top
             of
             me
             ,
             with
             his
             Snout
             and
             fearful
             Tushes
             ,
             belabouring
             himself
             ,
             to
             rent
             my
             Bowels
             out
             ;
             the
             Gray-Hound
             which
             before
             I
             could
             not
             for
             my
             Life
             get
             off
             from
             the
             Pig
             )
             of
             his
             own
             accord
             ,
             le
             ts
             go
             the
             Pig
             ,
             and
             comes
             in
             to
             my
             Rescue
             ;
             laying
             fast
             hold
             of
             the
             Boar
             ,
             which
             was
             at
             top
             of
             me
             ,
             the
             Boar
             feeling
             the
             Dog
             pinch
             him
             ,
             he
             turns
             furiously
             about
             
             to
             the
             Dog
             ,
             quitting
             the
             hold
             he
             had
             of
             me
             ,
             only
             one
             side
             of
             my
             Coat
             ,
             he
             tore
             clear
             away
             ,
             and
             had
             it
             in
             his
             Tushes
             when
             he
             turned
             from
             me
             to
             the
             Dog.
             As
             soon
             as
             I
             felt
             the
             weight
             off
             my
             Body
             ,
             I
             got
             up
             in
             a
             great
             and
             amazing
             Fright
             ,
             I
             made
             my
             escape
             ,
             by
             running
             ,
             leaving
             the
             Boar
             and
             the
             Dog
             to
             Fight
             it
             out
             .
             Thus
             was
             I
             preserved
             by
             the
             Providence
             of
             God
             ;
             ordering
             that
             the
             Dog
             (
             which
             before
             ,
             I
             with
             all
             my
             Skill
             and
             Strength
             ,
             could
             not
             get
             off
             )
             should
             quit
             his
             hold
             of
             the
             little
             Pig
             ,
             and
             fall
             on
             the
             great
             Boar
             ,
             upon
             me
             ;
             who
             otherwise
             (
             undoubtedly
             )
             had
             torn
             out
             my
             Bowels
             .
             Oh!
             Wonderful
             Providence
             .
          
           
             Another
             Eminent
             Deliverence
             wrought
             by
             Providence
             for
             me
             ,
             was
             by
             preserving
             me
             from
             perishing
             by
             a
             Horse
             .
             Which
             take
             thus
             ,
             I
             being
             once
             chosen
             to
             ride
             a
             Horse
             ,
             which
             was
             to
             run
             a
             Race
             ,
             the
             Ground
             was
             singled
             and
             measured
             out
             ,
             all
             other
             matters
             relating
             to
             the
             Race
             being
             agreed
             on
             between
             the
             two
             Parties
             chiefly
             concern'd
             ;
             when
             we
             came
             to
             start
             ,
             the
             concernedness
             of
             each
             party
             appear'd
             in
             striving
             to
             get
             ,
             and
             keep
             the
             start
             ,
             the
             which
             happened
             to
             succeed
             well
             on
             my
             side
             ,
             as
             touching
             getting
             the
             start
             ,
             and
             making
             good
             my
             Ground
             ,
             till
             I
             came
             to
             the
             Goal
             ,
             which
             Issued
             in
             great
             and
             high
             Acclamations
             of
             Praise
             to
             me
             ;
             
             which
             did
             not
             a
             little
             fill
             me
             with
             vain
             glorious
             conceit
             ,
             of
             some
             Personal
             excellency
             of
             my
             own
             ;
             to
             which
             the
             Victory
             obtained
             ,
             was
             Attributed
             .
             But
             my
             Pride
             was
             soon
             stain'd
             :
             for
             ,
             there
             being
             a
             River
             between
             the
             Town
             and
             the
             Place
             ,
             where
             the
             Race
             was
             Run
             ;
             my
             Horse
             being
             very
             hard
             mouth'd
             ,
             and
             withall
             fiery
             and
             fleet
             (
             tho'
             small
             )
             I
             was
             not
             able
             with
             all
             the
             skill
             and
             strength
             I
             had
             ,
             to
             bear
             him
             ,
             after
             I
             came
             to
             the
             Goal
             ;
             but
             in
             full
             Speed
             makes
             streight
             to
             the
             Town
             ,
             taking
             the
             River
             ,
             which
             lay
             between
             him
             and
             Home
             :
             As
             soon
             as
             he
             came
             into
             the
             deep
             ,
             he
             was
             taken
             off
             his
             Speed
             ,
             and
             fell
             into
             such
             a
             jumbling
             Trot
             ,
             that
             being
             almost
             spent
             ,
             and
             wearied
             in
             all
             my
             Senses
             ,
             he
             throws
             me
             out
             of
             the
             Saddle
             ,
             and
             being
             cast
             on
             the
             left
             side
             of
             the
             Horse
             ,
             my
             Foot
             slipt
             into
             the
             Stirup
             ,
             and
             by
             the
             Foot
             was
             I
             held
             ;
             the
             Horse
             finding
             himself
             past
             the
             River
             ,
             sets
             to
             running
             with
             full
             speed
             ,
             my
             Head
             touching
             the
             Ground
             ,
             and
             as
             he
             run
             ,
             my
             head
             was
             still
             a
             tossing
             and
             beating
             between
             the
             Horses
             Feet
             ,
             and
             the
             Stones
             and
             Gravel
             of
             the
             hight
             which
             he
             run
             up
             from
             the
             River
             ,
             towards
             the
             end
             of
             my
             Fathers
             Mault-House
             ,
             which
             may
             be
             about
             Sevenscore
             Yards
             ;
             all
             which
             Ground
             he
             trail'd
             me
             after
             him
             ,
             with
             my
             head
             as
             already
             mentioned
             .
             The
             Shout
             and
             Cry
             
             was
             raised
             from
             the
             other
             side
             of
             the
             River
             to
             the
             Town
             (
             and
             the
             Horse
             still
             in
             his
             full
             Speed
             )
             it
             pleased
             God
             ,
             that
             the
             Neighbour
             who
             lived
             next
             house
             to
             my
             Fathers
             ,
             hearing
             a
             vehement
             and
             continued
             Cry
             ;
             arises
             from
             his
             work
             within
             ,
             opens
             his
             Door
             ,
             street
             way
             ,
             to
             see
             what
             the
             Matter
             was
             ,
             and
             Just
             as
             he
             lookt
             out
             of
             his
             Door
             ,
             he
             sees
             the
             Horse
             in
             full
             Speed
             ,
             with
             his
             Rider
             a
             Trailing
             along
             ,
             just
             passing
             by
             the
             Door
             ,
             the
             man
             Immediately
             runs
             before
             him
             (
             the
             Passage
             being
             narrow
             )
             useing
             his
             best
             endeavours
             and
             skill
             to
             stop
             the
             Horse
             ;
             the
             which
             he
             (
             through
             Mercy
             )
             he
             Effected
             ,
             or
             else
             that
             Race
             had
             been
             an
             end
             of
             my
             Race
             ,
             the
             Horse
             stood
             stock
             still
             while
             I
             was
             released
             from
             that
             sad
             Confinement
             .
             All
             who
             saw
             me
             ,
             cry'd
             out
             ,
             he
             is
             gon
             !
             he
             is
             gon
             !
             there
             is
             no
             hope
             ,
             nor
             expectation
             of
             his
             Life
             ,
             the
             Hair
             of
             my
             Head
             all
             in
             one
             lump
             of
             clotted
             Blood
             ,
             nothing
             to
             be
             seen
             of
             my
             Face
             or
             Hands
             ,
             but
             Blood
             ,
             and
             a
             matter
             of
             astonishment
             it
             was
             to
             all
             ,
             that
             my
             Neck
             and
             Limbs
             were
             not
             broken
             .
          
           
             Another
             strange
             Deliverance
             I
             had
             from
             a
             Horse
             ,
             was
             thus
             ,
             Riding
             one
             day
             on
             the
             Chief
             and
             Fleetest
             Race
             Horse
             ,
             which
             was
             known
             to
             be
             in
             the
             Kingdom
             of
             Ireland
             :
             As
             I
             past
             through
             a
             Gate
             ,
             in
             the
             High-Road
             ,
             just
             as
             I
             opened
             ,
             and
             entred
             in
             at
             the
             Gate
             ,
             
             a
             little
             Bird
             flies
             out
             of
             the
             Hedge
             ,
             within
             side
             of
             the
             Gate
             ,
             at
             which
             the
             Horse
             started
             ,
             Beginning
             at
             the
             same
             time
             to
             bounce
             ,
             and
             plunge
             ,
             striving
             all
             he
             could
             to
             throw
             me
             off
             ;
             I
             Riding
             bare
             Backed
             ,
             without
             a
             Saddle
             ,
             and
             having
             a
             large
             Lanthorn
             under
             my
             left
             Arm
             ;
             knowing
             the
             Horse
             to
             be
             very
             high
             Mettled
             ,
             and
             about
             Fifteen
             Hands
             High
             ;
             I
             I
             began
             to
             apprehend
             some
             danger
             ,
             of
             his
             getting
             me
             off
             ;
             because
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             so
             well
             Command
             and
             Manage
             him
             ,
             by
             reason
             of
             that
             Lanthorn
             ,
             and
             wanting
             a
             Saddle
             ,
             I
             did
             what
             I
             could
             by
             faire
             ;
             and
             gentle
             means
             ,
             to
             take
             him
             off
             those
             his
             unruly
             ,
             and
             skittish
             tricks
             ,
             but
             to
             small
             purpose
             .
             Then
             I
             resolved
             to
             use
             another
             Method
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             By
             giving
             him
             a
             loose
             Rein
             ,
             and
             a
             Spur
             in
             his
             sides
             ,
             with
             both
             Heels
             ,
             hoping
             by
             that
             means
             that
             he
             would
             cease
             pluneging
             ,
             and
             fall
             to
             running
             ,
             but
             nothing
             would
             do
             .
             The
             thing
             (
             I
             doubt
             not
             )
             being
             determin'd
             in
             Heaven's
             Councel
             ;
             that
             this
             narrow
             escape
             ,
             might
             be
             Recorded
             among
             the
             rest
             of
             his
             Wonders
             shewn
             in
             ,
             and
             about
             the
             preservation
             of
             so
             Poor
             ,
             and
             Inconsiderable
             a
             Creature
             as
             I
             am
             ,
             to
             the
             Eternal
             Praise
             of
             Gods
             Sweet
             and
             Unsearchable
             Providence
             .
             Off
             he
             would
             have
             me
             ,
             in
             order
             whereto
             ,
             he
             mounts
             up
             with
             his
             Fore
             Parts
             ,
             throwing
             me
             backwards
             on
             his
             Hinder
             Parts
             ,
             and
             from
             
             thence
             to
             his
             Fore
             Parts
             again
             ,
             at
             least
             ten
             or
             twelve
             times
             ,
             in
             a
             most
             furious
             ,
             raging
             manner
             ;
             at
             length
             finding
             that
             he
             could
             not
             get
             me
             off
             ,
             by
             his
             tossing
             and
             throwing
             me
             backward
             and
             forward
             )
             he
             rears
             and
             mounts
             up
             with
             all
             four
             together
             (
             a
             considerable
             height
             from
             the
             Earth
             )
             and
             by
             that
             unexpected
             motion
             ,
             threw
             me
             a
             good
             height
             above
             himself
             ,
             and
             falling
             to
             the
             Ground
             ,
             standing
             upright
             on
             my
             Feet
             ,
             as
             I
             fell
             ,
             with
             my
             Lanthorn
             under
             my
             Arm
             ,
             the
             Horse
             perceiving
             himself
             Conqueror
             ,
             fetched
             a
             stroak
             at
             me
             (
             standing
             where
             I
             fell
             ,
             just
             behind
             him
             )
             with
             his
             Heels
             ;
             which
             (
             but
             a
             day
             or
             two
             before
             )
             had
             been
             Shod
             with
             Frost-Nails
             (
             the
             Weather
             being
             Frosty
             )
             and
             in
             the
             Cap
             ,
             which
             I
             at
             that
             time
             wore
             ,
             he
             leaves
             the
             Print
             of
             the
             Frost-Nails
             ,
             within
             the
             thickness
             of
             a
             Half
             Crown
             of
             my
             Fore-Head
             ,
             never
             touching
             my
             Head
             nor
             any
             part
             of
             my
             Body
             :
             Nor
             in
             the
             least
             prejudicing
             my
             Body
             ,
             by
             those
             tossings
             and
             throwings
             he
             gave
             me
             .
             Oh!
             That
             I
             might
             be
             duly
             sensible
             of
             ,
             and
             Constantly
             affected
             with
             ,
             the
             consideration
             of
             Divine
             Providence
             .
          
           
             Another
             escape
             I
             had
             by
             the
             good
             Providence
             of
             God
             ,
             was
             from
             an
             English
             Man
             ,
             who
             had
             laid
             a
             Conspiracy
             with
             some
             Irish
             Papists
             ,
             to
             swear
             me
             out
             of
             my
             Life
             .
             It
             
             was
             thus
             ,
             This
             English
             Man
             (
             by
             Name
             
               Evan
               Grundy
            
             a
             Lancashire
             Man
             )
             being
             some
             Years
             Employ'd
             in
             the
             Service
             of
             
               John
               Preston
            
             of
             the
             City
             of
             Dublin
             ,
             Alderman
             ,
             a
             good
             and
             gracious
             Man
             ,
             lately
             Deceased
             ;
             from
             whom
             the
             above
             Named
             
               Evan
               Grundy
            
             had
             run
             away
             ,
             at
             several
             times
             ,
             and
             with
             considerable
             Sums
             of
             Mony
             :
             by
             reason
             of
             his
             dishonest
             and
             knavish
             Pranks
             ,
             Alderman
             Preston
             ,
             not
             daring
             to
             trust
             him
             any
             further
             with
             the
             Receiving
             of
             his
             Rents
             ,
             which
             were
             considerable
             (
             his
             Estate
             being
             nigh
             two
             thousand
             
               per
               Annum
            
             .
             )
             The
             Alderman
             being
             hard
             set
             for
             one
             whom
             he
             could
             trust
             with
             the
             management
             of
             his
             Estate
             :
             and
             knowing
             me
             ,
             my
             Family
             ,
             and
             the
             present
             Circumstances
             I
             was
             at
             that
             time
             in
             ;
             proposed
             to
             me
             considerable
             encouragement
             ,
             on
             condition
             that
             I
             would
             undertake
             (
             as
             his
             Agent
             )
             to
             manage
             his
             Estate
             ,
             which
             I
             did
             ,
             for
             between
             four
             and
             five
             Years
             ,
             not
             without
             many
             difficulties
             ,
             (
             occasioned
             chiefly
             by
             the
             said
             
               Evan
               Grundy
            
             ,
             who
             was
             restless
             Day
             and
             Night
             ,
             contriving
             how
             he
             might
             set
             the
             Alderman
             and
             me
             at
             variance
             ,
             hoping
             (
             by
             that
             means
             )
             to
             supplant
             me
             ,
             and
             to
             Succeed
             me
             in
             the
             Employ
             .
             )
             This
             
               Evan
               Grundy
            
             being
             much
             Indebted
             to
             the
             Alderman
             ,
             I
             had
             orders
             to
             take
             him
             ,
             on
             a
             Writ
             out
             of
             the
             Kings-Bench
             ,
             and
             to
             
             Seize
             (
             for
             the
             Aldermans
             use
             )
             all
             the
             Good
             and
             Chattels
             the
             said
             
               Evan
               Grundy
            
             was
             actually
             Possessed
             of
             .
             This
             peice
             of
             Service
             I
             would
             fain
             have
             declined
             ,
             entreating
             the
             Alderman
             to
             put
             some
             other
             upon
             it
             ,
             and
             that
             ,
             because
             of
             the
             ill
             Aspect
             which
             I
             foresaw
             it
             would
             have
             among
             the
             Gentlemen
             of
             the
             Country
             ;
             who
             (
             knowing
             the
             Peaks
             and
             many
             Bickerings
             between
             the
             other
             and
             me
             )
             would
             be
             very
             apt
             to
             conclude
             ,
             that
             I
             had
             Acted
             this
             ,
             in
             a
             way
             of
             Revenge
             against
             him
             ,
             who
             daily
             strove
             to
             Supplant
             me
             in
             that
             Employ
             :
             and
             then
             I
             concluded
             all
             the
             Black-Mouth'd
             Justices
             ,
             and
             other
             Gentlemen
             in
             the
             Country
             ,
             who
             were
             known
             Enemies
             to
             the
             Name
             and
             Power
             of
             the
             Gospel
             Purity
             ,
             would
             unanimously
             open
             against
             Religion
             ,
             and
             Improve
             that
             Action
             to
             the
             utmost
             ,
             to
             the
             Reproach
             of
             Dissenters
             .
             The
             which
             ,
             afterward
             fell
             out
             as
             I
             feared
             :
             The
             Alderman
             refusing
             ,
             to
             comply
             with
             that
             my
             (
             but
             reasonable
             )
             Request
             ,
             he
             alledging
             ,
             for
             his
             non-compliance
             with
             me
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             none
             but
             me
             whom
             he
             could
             trust
             in
             an
             Affair
             of
             that
             Nature
             .
          
           
             Finding
             the
             Ineffectualness
             of
             my
             Endeavours
             ,
             to
             prevail
             with
             the
             Alderman
             ,
             to
             Excuse
             or
             Exempt
             me
             from
             that
             Service
             ;
             and
             his
             strict
             Commands
             being
             Instant
             upon
             me
             ,
             a
             Writ
             was
             taken
             out
             ,
             of
             which
             the
             
             said
             Grundy
             having
             notice
             he
             Absconds
             (
             for
             a
             time
             ,
             )
             on
             this
             ,
             I
             took
             the
             two
             special
             Bayliffs
             ,
             who
             were
             to
             Execute
             the
             Writ
             )
             with
             nine
             or
             ten
             of
             the
             Village
             he
             lived
             in
             ,
             into
             the
             House
             ,
             along
             with
             me
             ,
             to
             Witness
             that
             I
             Seized
             those
             Goods
             ,
             which
             were
             Visible
             in
             the
             House
             ,
             for
             the
             use
             of
             Alderman
             Preston
             ,
             and
             that
             for
             the
             non-payment
             of
             Rent
             :
             I
             mov'd
             no
             Goods
             ,
             but
             left
             them
             ,
             where
             I
             found
             them
             ,
             leaving
             them
             to
             the
             Disposal
             of
             the
             Alderman
             .
             Immediately
             ,
             on
             this
             ,
             the
             wretched
             Man
             contrives
             with
             some
             Papist
             Russians
             ,
             to
             lay
             a
             Plot
             against
             me
             ,
             the
             Substance
             of
             which
             was
             ,
             that
             on
             a
             Day
             I
             entred
             his
             House
             ,
             to
             Distrain
             for
             such
             a
             Man
             ,
             naming
             Alderman
             Preston
             ,
             and
             meeting
             with
             a
             Cabinet
             ,
             I
             forc'd
             the
             Lock
             ,
             and
             Stole
             
               Three
               Pound
               Fifteen
               Shillings
            
             ,
             which
             he
             said
             his
             Witnesses
             would
             positively
             Swear
             they
             saw
             me
             to
             Reckon
             and
             put
             into
             my
             Pocket
             :
             forthwith
             he
             Rides
             to
             a
             Justice
             of
             Peace
             ,
             for
             a
             Warrant
             to
             Bind
             me
             over
             ,
             acquainting
             the
             Justice
             with
             the
             whole
             of
             the
             concern
             (
             in
             all
             its
             Circumstances
             .
             )
             The
             Justice
             (
             tho'
             Enemy
             enough
             on
             the
             Account
             of
             Religion
             ,
             )
             told
             him
             plainly
             ,
             that
             he
             would
             not
             grant
             a
             Warrant
             against
             me
             ,
             if
             he
             would
             give
             him
             
               Five
               Hundred
               Pounds
            
             .
             He
             goes
             to
             a
             Second
             ,
             to
             a
             Third
             ,
             and
             to
             a
             Fourth
             ,
             about
             the
             same
             
             Errand
             ,
             but
             from
             none
             of
             them
             could
             he
             get
             a
             Warrant
             to
             Bind
             me
             over
             ,
             they
             being
             all
             affraid
             to
             meddle
             at
             that
             time
             with
             me
             ,
             whether
             for
             fear
             of
             my
             Uncle
             ,
             who
             was
             at
             that
             time
             
               Lord
               Chief
               Justice
            
             of
             the
             Kingdom
             of
             Ireland
             ,
             or
             from
             any
             restraint
             from
             God
             on
             their
             Spirits
             ,
             I
             do
             not
             know
             .
             He
             finding
             all
             his
             Hopes
             (
             of
             having
             me
             for
             ever
             disgraced
             ,
             if
             not
             Arraigned
             for
             my
             Life
             ,
             )
             frustrated
             ,
             Prepares
             a
             Bill
             of
             Indictment
             to
             Arraign
             me
             at
             my
             Uncles
             Barr
             the
             Term
             next
             ensuing
             ,
             .
             This
             Assault
             (
             I
             confess
             )
             was
             a
             great
             Tryal
             of
             the
             little
             Faith
             ,
             and
             Patience
             ,
             which
             the
             Gift
             of
             God
             handed
             out
             to
             my
             Poor
             Soul
             ,
             in
             the
             instant
             of
             Regeneration
             ,
             as
             ever
             I
             have
             since
             met
             with
             .
             I
             have
             sometimes
             (
             with
             Holy
             David
             thought
             ,
             that
             my
             Mountain
             (
             in
             respect
             of
             Inward
             and
             Settled
             Peace
             of
             Concience
             )
             should
             never
             be
             shaken
             or
             mov'd
             ,
             till
             this
             Storm
             arose
             .
             And
             albeit
             it
             did
             not
             influence
             my
             Soul
             inwardly
             ,
             to
             shake
             my
             Comfort
             and
             Confidence
             in
             God
             ,
             God
             and
             my
             own
             Conscience
             ,
             knowing
             mine
             Integrity
             ,
             and
             Innocency
             ,
             in
             the
             thing
             laid
             to
             my
             Charge
             .
             Yet
             Considering
             the
             Reproach
             ,
             which
             I
             apprehended
             would
             hence
             arise
             ,
             to
             the
             Name
             ,
             Gospel
             ,
             and
             People
             of
             God
             ;
             the
             Stain
             and
             Scandal
             it
             would
             be
             to
             my
             whole
             Family
             :
             )
             no
             Man
             can
             fully
             conceive
             the
             disquietude
             
             and
             shame
             ,
             which
             took
             up
             its
             Lodging
             in
             my
             Breast
             .
             Oh!
             the
             tossings
             and
             workings
             of
             my
             Spirit
             :
             Lord
             think
             I
             !
             What
             will
             this
             come
             to
             ?
             Thou
             knowest
             mine
             Innocency
             in
             this
             Matter
             .
             But
             the
             World
             will
             readily
             Believe
             I
             am
             Guilty
             .
             Blasphemy
             ,
             and
             sad
             Reproach
             ,
             will
             hence
             Redound
             to
             thy
             Most
             Holy
             ,
             and
             Tremendous
             Name
             and
             Gospel
             ;
             which
             I
             value
             (
             unspeakably
             )
             more
             than
             my
             Life
             ,
             and
             all
             the
             World.
             The
             truly
             Godly
             and
             Religious
             ,
             (
             the
             only
             Men
             of
             my
             delight
             )
             will
             (
             with
             sad
             Hearts
             )
             often
             think
             ,
             how
             sadly
             they
             were
             mistaken
             in
             me
             ,
             what
             to
             apprehend
             this
             Storm
             would
             Issue
             in
             any
             other
             ,
             than
             what
             I
             have
             already
             exprest
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             Imagine
             .
             The
             guiltless
             Blushes
             which
             daily
             on
             this
             occasion
             appear'd
             in
             my
             Countenance
             ,
             I
             concluded
             would
             be
             to
             all
             that
             saw
             me
             ,
             an
             Argument
             of
             my
             Guilt
             .
             The
             thoughts
             of
             the
             Term
             approaching
             encreas'd
             the
             Inward
             Preturbation
             of
             my
             Mind
             ;
             and
             the
             Blushings
             of
             my
             Face
             ,
             to
             think
             I
             must
             stand
             Arraigned
             for
             Felony
             before
             a
             Judge
             ,
             and
             all
             my
             other
             Relations
             who
             but
             a
             few
             Years
             before
             ,
             had
             unanimously
             Censured
             ,
             Condemned
             ,
             and
             cast
             me
             out
             of
             their
             Favours
             and
             Affections
             ,
             for
             being
             a
             Phanatick
             ,
             (
             as
             they
             term
             True
             and
             Gospel
             Religion
             .
             )
             Oh!
             How
             close
             this
             went
             ;
             
             secretly
             wishing
             (
             but
             still
             with
             humble
             submission
             to
             God
             )
             that
             he
             would
             please
             either
             to
             break
             that
             horrid
             Plot
             ,
             before
             I
             came
             to
             be
             publickly
             Arraign'd
             as
             a
             Malefactor
             ,
             or
             else
             call
             me
             off
             ,
             by
             Death
             ;
             which
             I
             did
             unspeakably
             prefer
             before
             living
             to
             be
             a
             cause
             of
             Reproach
             and
             Blasphemy
             ,
             to
             the
             Name
             and
             Religion
             of
             the
             Most
             High
             God.
             As
             the
             Term
             drew
             very
             near
             ,
             and
             the
             various
             and
             restless
             tossing
             of
             my
             mind
             on
             that
             Account
             encreased
             ,
             God
             (
             Infinitely
             Wise
             ,
             and
             ever
             faithful
             to
             his
             Word
             )
             who
             best
             knows
             how
             to
             time
             Deliverance
             ,
             and
             break
             those
             Nets
             ,
             in
             which
             the
             Enemies
             hope
             to
             catch
             the
             Innocent
             He
             (
             a
             very
             short
             space
             before
             the
             Term
             )
             le
             ts
             loose
             the
             Reins
             to
             this
             wicked
             Mans
             Guilty
             Conscience
             ,
             which
             wrought
             so
             violently
             with
             him
             ,
             that
             all
             the
             strength
             of
             Reason
             in
             him
             ,
             yea
             ,
             the
             hopes
             he
             inwardly
             cherished
             ,
             of
             seeing
             me
             brought
             to
             perpetual
             Disgrace
             ,
             (
             if
             not
             cut
             off
             )
             were
             not
             able
             to
             restrain
             him
             from
             treading
             the
             Foot
             steps
             of
             Judas
             .
             A
             Rope
             he
             gets
             ,
             out
             he
             goes
             to
             his
             own
             Garden
             in
             the
             dusk
             of
             the
             Evening
             ,
             and
             having
             fastned
             the
             Rope
             about
             his
             Neck
             ,
             just
             as
             he
             was
             drawing
             the
             end
             of
             the
             Rope
             through
             the
             Arm
             of
             a
             Tree
             ,
             on
             which
             he
             designed
             to
             Hang
             himself
             ,
             his
             Wife
             and
             his
             Man
             happened
             to
             discover
             what
             he
             was
             about
             :
             On
             this
             ,
             the
             
             Shout
             was
             up
             ,
             and
             such
             a
             Cry
             made
             ,
             as
             did
             presently
             bring
             about
             him
             all
             the
             Neighbours
             ,
             who
             (
             over
             powering
             him
             )
             prevented
             his
             intended
             design
             .
             But
             notwithstanding
             their
             cutting
             the
             Rope
             ,
             yet
             could
             they
             have
             no
             access
             to
             that
             Guilty
             Conscience
             of
             his
             ,
             to
             asswage
             or
             allay
             the
             horrible
             and
             self
             Condemning
             Agonies
             ;
             which
             like
             restless
             Waves
             and
             Billows
             did
             distract
             and
             torment
             his
             Soul.
             He
             being
             by
             force
             stretched
             on
             his
             Bed
             ,
             and
             with
             the
             same
             Rope
             he
             attempted
             to
             Hand
             himself
             ,
             being
             fast
             bound
             to
             the
             Bed
             ,
             he
             fell
             into
             raging
             and
             desperate
             Fits
             ,
             like
             to
             a
             Demoniack
             ,
             dashing
             his
             Head
             with
             all
             his
             force
             against
             the
             Bed-Stock
             ,
             Foaming
             at
             the
             Mouth
             ,
             uttering
             these
             Words
             ,
             as
             fast
             ,
             (
             and
             with
             a
             strange
             vehemency
             ,
             which
             Frighted
             all
             the
             By-standers
             )
             as
             he
             could
             ,
             (
             
               viz.
               )
               I
               drive
               away
               Cows
               ,
               I
               Sell
               Cows
               :
               No
               ,
               I
               drove
               away
               no
               Cows
               ,
               I
               Sold
               no
               Cows
               :
            
             Roger
             Eckersley
             ,
             
               and
               Captain
            
             Stopford
             ,
             
               will
               give
               under
               their
               Hands
               that
               I
               am
               an
               honest
               man
            
             And
             so
             in
             raging
             Madness
             ,
             expired
             his
             last
             Breath
             ,
             with
             these
             Words
             in
             his
             dying
             Mouth
             ,
             
               I
               drove
               no
               Cows
               away
               ,
               I
               Sold
               no
               Cows
            
             ;
             which
             were
             the
             last
             Words
             he
             spoke
             .
             The
             Reader
             must
             know
             ,
             that
             before
             this
             Plot
             designed
             against
             my
             Life
             and
             Reputation
             ;
             the
             same
             Poor
             Wretch
             Commenced
             a
             Law
             Suit
             against
             me
             ,
             
             or
             which
             he
             had
             not
             the
             least
             appearance
             of
             Reason
             ;
             save
             ,
             what
             he
             ,
             and
             some
             others
             (
             as
             desperately
             Wicked
             as
             himself
             )
             had
             contrived
             ,
             and
             which
             was
             stoutly
             sworn
             ,
             by
             an
             Irish
             Papist
             Witness
             ,
             for
             but
             one
             poor
             Quart
             of
             Ale
             )
             against
             me
             ,
             at
             the
             Assizes
             held
             in
             the
             County
             where
             he
             and
             I
             Lived
             .
             God
             knows
             ,
             I
             no
             more
             knew
             any
             thing
             of
             what
             he
             Charged
             against
             me
             in
             his
             Civil
             Bill
             ,
             then
             I
             knew
             of
             the
             
               Three
               Pound
               Fifteen
               Shillings
            
             ,
             for
             which
             he
             designed
             to
             Arraign
             me
             .
             But
             so
             it
             was
             ,
             that
             upon
             the
             Evidence
             possitively
             Swearing
             ,
             a
             Decree
             was
             Granted
             for
             
               Seven
               Pound
            
             ,
             which
             was
             the
             Sum
             mentioned
             in
             his
             Bill
             :
             The
             Decree
             (
             contrary
             to
             promise
             )
             being
             on
             a
             sudden
             ,
             (
             while
             I
             was
             from
             Home
             ,
             about
             Business
             )
             Executed
             ,
             Seven
             Prime
             Milch
             Cows
             of
             my
             Stock
             where
             taken
             away
             ,
             and
             in
             half
             an
             Hours
             time
             Appraised
             ,
             and
             Sold
             for
             
               Seven
               Pounds
            
             ;
             tho'
             the
             Cows
             in
             the
             Judgment
             of
             all
             that
             knew
             them
             ,
             and
             who
             understood
             Cattel
             ,
             were
             really
             worth
             
               Thirty
               Pounds
            
             between
             Brother
             and
             Brother
             .
             And
             thus
             it
             pleased
             God
             ,
             in
             the
             Wonder
             working
             Providence
             of
             his
             ,
             to
             break
             these
             Nets
             ,
             which
             the
             Devil
             (
             by
             his
             Instruments
             )
             laid
             ,
             not
             only
             for
             my
             Life
             ,
             but
             also
             for
             my
             Credit
             and
             Reputation
             .
             I
             do
             not
             in
             the
             least
             doubt
             ,
             but
             the
             great
             Advantage
             which
             the
             Devil
             proposed
             to
             
             himself
             )
             by
             putting
             those
             Miscreants
             on
             Work
             to
             bring
             my
             Name
             and
             Person
             into
             the
             blackest
             Contempt
             ,
             was
             to
             overthrow
             the
             efficacy
             of
             my
             Ministry
             ,
             when
             I
             should
             be
             thereto
             called
             :
             For
             the
             Devil
             knew
             very
             well
             ,
             how
             importunate
             Godly
             Ministers
             ,
             and
             others
             were
             with
             me
             ,
             to
             take
             on
             me
             that
             great
             Work
             of
             the
             Ministry
             :
             And
             sore
             guesses
             (
             no
             doubt
             )
             he
             had
             ,
             how
             greatly
             I
             should
             be
             Employ'd
             in
             disturbing
             his
             Kingdom
             ,
             being
             in
             a
             great
             measure
             made
             acquainted
             with
             his
             Lion
             and
             Fox
             like
             Devices
             ,
             several
             Years
             before
             I
             was
             prevailed
             with
             to
             adventure
             on
             so
             Great
             and
             Sacred
             a
             Work.
             
          
           
             Many
             more
             Strange
             Deliverances
             hath
             the
             Providence
             of
             God
             wrought
             for
             me
             ,
             his
             Poor
             unworthy
             Creature
             :
             The
             which
             ,
             I
             am
             Necessitated
             to
             Omit
             ,
             fearing
             my
             Book
             should
             Swell
             to
             too
             great
             a
             Bulk
             .
             I
             heartily
             wish
             that
             both
             my self
             ,
             and
             others
             ,
             who
             Read
             what
             I
             have
             Faithfully
             and
             Impartially
             Related
             ,
             of
             the
             Wonders
             of
             Divine
             Providence
             towards
             me
             ,
             might
             be
             so
             rightly
             Affected
             with
             what
             I
             have
             Related
             ,
             as
             to
             give
             God
             the
             Glory
             and
             Praise
             of
             his
             own
             Works
             :
             And
             be
             (
             by
             Reading
             these
             things
             )
             stirr'd
             up
             ,
             and
             Encouraged
             for
             ever
             ,
             to
             trust
             in
             that
             Adorable
             Providence
             of
             Heaven
             ,
             which
             never
             fails
             them
             who
             belong
             to
             Christ
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             CHAP.
             II.
             
          
           
             An
             Account
             of
             God's
             Woderful
             Dealings
             with
             me
             ,
             about
             the
             Concerns
             of
             my
             Soul
             ,
             some
             Years
             before
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             took
             me
             .
          
           
             WHen
             I
             was
             between
             Fourteen
             and
             Fifteen
             Years
             of
             Age
             ,
             or
             thereabouts
             ,
             (
             as
             near
             as
             I
             can
             Remember
             )
             the
             Lord
             was
             pleased
             to
             dart
             some
             beginnings
             of
             Convictions
             into
             my
             Soul.
             Which
             was
             after
             this
             manner
             ,
             One
             
               Lord's
               Day
            
             ,
             as
             I
             was
             in
             the
             Height
             of
             Vigour
             ,
             in
             Profaning
             God's
             Holy
             Day
             ;
             with
             the
             Rude
             and
             Ignorant
             Papists
             ,
             there
             was
             darted
             into
             my
             Conscience
             (
             like
             an
             affrightning
             flash
             of
             Lightening
             from
             above
             )
             this
             Apprehension
             ,
             and
             Thought
             ,
             (
             Viz.
             )
             That
             I
             must
             be
             either
             Converted
             ,
             or
             else
             sent
             to
             Hell
             to
             be
             Damned
             .
             This
             Arrow
             being
             Shot
             out
             of
             his
             Bow
             ,
             who
             never
             misseth
             the
             Mark
             at
             which
             he
             Shoots
             ;
             took
             up
             its
             Lodging
             within
             me
             :
             But
             what
             to
             make
             of
             it
             ,
             or
             what
             the
             meaning
             of
             it
             should
             be
             ,
             I
             was
             as
             far
             to
             seek
             as
             a
             Beast
             ;
             so
             Ignorant
             and
             Bruitish
             was
             I
             ,
             the
             Lord
             knows
             .
             But
             though
             I
             knew
             not
             
             from
             whence
             it
             came
             ,
             or
             what
             its
             Tendency
             would
             be
             ;
             yet
             ,
             being
             a
             Messenger
             from
             God
             ,
             it
             maintained
             its
             Ground
             ,
             stuck
             close
             by
             me
             ,
             accompanied
             me
             whereever
             I
             went
             ,
             putting
             me
             sometimes
             into
             a
             Sweat
             ,
             sometimes
             into
             inward
             Shiverings
             of
             Soul
             ,
             sometimes
             into
             distracting
             and
             perplexing
             Cogitations
             and
             Thoughts
             ,
             what
             it
             should
             be
             .
             Be
             sent
             to
             Hell
             (
             think
             I
             )
             Lord
             !
             What
             's
             that
             ?
             And
             be
             Damn'd
             ,
             Bless
             me
             !
             (
             think
             I
             :
             )
             What
             's
             this
             to
             be
             Damn'd
             ?
             Dear
             Reader
             !
             Believe
             me
             ,
             I
             had
             Read
             in
             Scripture
             the
             Words
             Hell
             ,
             and
             Damn'd
             ,
             with
             the
             term
             Converted
             :
             But
             no
             more
             did
             I
             understand
             the
             Sense
             ,
             or
             the
             meaning
             of
             the
             one
             or
             the
             other
             ,
             of
             those
             three
             Words
             ,
             than
             a
             Beast
             .
             At
             length
             ,
             I
             began
             (
             in
             my
             Thoughts
             )
             to
             fix
             on
             something
             ,
             what
             this
             strange
             thing
             should
             be
             ,
             or
             mean.
             And
             the
             Result
             came
             to
             this
             ,
             I
             did
             Conceive
             ,
             and
             strongly
             Apprehend
             ,
             that
             Hell
             and
             Damn'd
             ,
             were
             some
             ugly
             ,
             frightful
             ,
             and
             dangerous
             thing
             ,
             to
             the
             which
             ,
             should
             I
             be
             brought
             ,
             I
             should
             be
             a
             sad
             ,
             and
             undone
             Creature
             for
             ever
             .
             As
             for
             the
             other
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             Converted
             ,
             I
             did
             verily
             think
             ,
             it
             meant
             no
             more
             ,
             than
             the
             leaving
             off
             ,
             or
             ceasing
             from
             ,
             those
             Mad
             and
             Youthful
             Pranks
             ,
             of
             Prophaning
             the
             Sunday
             ,
             (
             as
             I
             then
             called
             the
             
               Lord's
               Day
               )
            
             ,
             with
             several
             other
             Immoralities
             to
             which
             I
             
             been
             exceedingly
             and
             wretchedly
             adicted
             :
             and
             in
             the
             stead
             or
             room
             ,
             of
             those
             vain
             and
             wretched
             Practises
             ,
             to
             fall
             upon
             a
             serious
             ,
             and
             sober
             Living
             .
             Both
             of
             which
             ,
             I
             fully
             concluded
             ,
             lay
             within
             the
             compass
             of
             my
             own
             Free-Will
             ,
             and
             Natural
             Power
             to
             effect
             .
          
           
             Accordingly
             ,
             I
             fell
             to
             Work
             ;
             Deserting
             and
             throwing
             off
             ,
             both
             my
             Wicked
             Companions
             ,
             and
             also
             my
             dearly
             beloved
             Sports
             and
             sinful
             Pastimes
             .
             To
             the
             Bible
             ,
             and
             
               Practice
               of
               Piety
            
             ,
             (
             a
             Book
             I
             dearly
             Lov'd
             )
             I
             Adrest
             my self
             ,
             with
             all
             Imaginable
             Devotion
             ,
             and
             Seriousness
             .
             And
             being
             fully
             resolved
             on
             a
             thorow
             Work
             of
             Conversion
             ,
             that
             so
             I
             might
             shun
             and
             escape
             Hell
             ;
             and
             being
             Damn'd
             .
             I
             became
             very
             Bookish
             ,
             Looking
             into
             (
             almost
             )
             every
             Book
             ,
             where
             ever
             I
             came
             ;
             to
             try
             ,
             whether
             I
             could
             meet
             with
             any
             help
             ;
             which
             might
             forward
             me
             in
             my
             new
             Trade
             of
             Religion
             :
             Among
             other
             Books
             ,
             wherewith
             I
             met
             ,
             Mr.
             
             Baxter's
             
               Call
               to
               the
               Vn-Converted
            
             came
             into
             my
             Hands
             ,
             the
             which
             I
             did
             no
             sooner
             open
             ,
             but
             its
             Title
             Page
             invited
             my
             Fancy
             ,
             to
             make
             choice
             of
             it
             ,
             for
             my
             chief
             Companion
             ;
             the
             which
             I
             also
             did
             ,
             Blessing
             my self
             in
             that
             Book
             ,
             more
             than
             with
             any
             other
             wherewith
             I
             had
             met
             ;
             the
             more
             ,
             and
             oftener
             I
             Read
             it
             ,
             the
             more
             was
             I
             Enamor'd
             with
             it
             :
             even
             to
             
             a
             preferring
             it
             before
             Gods
             own
             Sacred
             Book
             .
             So
             suited
             ,
             was
             it
             ,
             to
             the
             Purpose
             I
             had
             then
             Engaged
             in
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             to
             Work
             out
             (
             of
             my self
             ,
             and
             in
             my
             own
             Strength
             )
             that
             great
             Work
             of
             Conversion
             .
             To
             my
             course
             of
             Reading
             and
             Praying
             (
             by
             those
             Forms
             of
             Prayer
             in
             the
             Common-Prayer-Book
             ,
             and
             
               Practice
               of
               Piety
            
             ,
             )
             I
             joined
             very
             strict
             ,
             and
             severe
             Fasting
             .
             Taking
             up
             a
             Resolution
             that
             I
             would
             in
             a
             most
             Solemn
             manner
             ,
             observe
             two
             Days
             in
             every
             Week
             (
             
               viz.
               )
               Wednesday
            
             and
             Friday
             ,
             for
             my
             Fasting
             Days
             :
             The
             which
             I
             also
             did
             ;
             even
             to
             such
             a
             degree
             of
             Pharisaicall
             severity
             ,
             that
             I
             almost
             rendred
             my
             Body
             unfit
             for
             any
             Service
             .
             But
             Converted
             I
             must
             be
             ,
             and
             Converted
             I
             was
             Resolved
             to
             be
             ,
             whatever
             it
             cost
             me
             ;
             in
             order
             whereto
             ,
             I
             kept
             my
             Religious
             doings
             of
             Duty
             both
             Negatively
             and
             Positively
             ,
             with
             such
             a
             Constant
             and
             Zealous
             elaborateness
             ,
             that
             I
             verily
             believe
             ,
             it
             would
             be
             hard
             to
             find
             one
             ,
             among
             the
             Romish
             Monks
             ,
             who
             could
             (
             in
             all
             respects
             )
             match
             me
             ,
             or
             out
             do
             me
             ,
             at
             the
             Trade
             of
             Serving
             God
             ,
             in
             that
             way
             I
             fell
             in
             with
             .
          
           
             It
             can
             hardly
             be
             told
             ,
             (
             much
             less
             believed
             )
             how
             great
             Zeal
             I
             had
             for
             God
             ,
             and
             how
             restless
             my
             Active
             ,
             and
             Working
             Spirit
             was
             ,
             to
             be
             with
             him
             in
             Heaven
             .
             Tho'
             I
             neither
             knew
             God
             (
             according
             to
             Truth
             )
             nor
             the
             
             way
             to
             him
             ,
             no
             more
             than
             a
             Poor
             Pagan
             ,
             who
             never
             heard
             of
             him
             .
             I
             had
             such
             low
             ,
             gross
             and
             carnal
             Thoughts
             ,
             and
             Apprehensions
             of
             the
             Deity
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             very
             apt
             to
             conclude
             ,
             the
             very
             Heathen
             had
             far
             Higher
             and
             more
             Sublimate
             Conceptions
             ,
             of
             their
             Fictitious
             Gods
             ;
             that
             I
             had
             of
             that
             Tremendous
             ,
             and
             unconceiveably
             Glorious
             God
             ,
             whom
             I
             so
             Ignorantly
             Worshipt
             .
             I
             was
             wonderfully
             Zealous
             ,
             in
             all
             Religious
             Performances
             wherein
             I
             did
             (
             at
             any
             time
             )
             Engage
             ;
             both
             in
             Private
             ,
             and
             also
             in
             the
             Publick
             .
             In
             my
             Private
             Duties
             ,
             I
             was
             Marvelously
             Retired
             and
             Secret.
             Being
             full
             of
             Apprehensions
             how
             ill
             Constructions
             would
             (
             by
             all
             sorts
             )
             be
             put
             upon
             my
             so
             Severe
             and
             Strict
             way
             of
             Living
             :
             and
             for
             better
             accomplishment
             whereof
             ,
             I
             singled
             out
             a
             very
             convenient
             place
             ;
             then
             which
             I
             thought
             no
             place
             better
             for
             my
             turn
             and
             purpose
             .
             It
             was
             in
             a
             little
             Room
             ,
             on
             the
             Top
             of
             the
             Castle
             ,
             wherein
             my
             Father
             Lived
             .
             In
             that
             Room
             I
             spent
             the
             most
             of
             my
             time
             ,
             in
             Fasting
             ,
             Praying
             ,
             and
             Reading
             my
             Books
             ;
             especially
             ,
             my
             Darling
             ,
             and
             chief
             Admired
             and
             Beloved
             Book
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             Mr.
             
             Baxter's
             
               Call
               to
               the
               Vn-Converted
            
             .
             When
             I
             found
             my self
             much
             wearied
             with
             Reading
             ,
             I
             would
             sometimes
             divert
             my self
             ,
             by
             walking
             on
             the
             Topp
             of
             the
             Castle
             ;
             during
             which
             diversion
             ,
             
             I
             did
             often
             hear
             the
             Shouts
             and
             enticing
             Calls
             of
             my
             Wicked
             Companions
             ,
             to
             bring
             me
             back
             again
             ,
             to
             my
             newly
             forsaken
             Sports
             ,
             and
             sinful
             Pastime
             .
             It
             was
             no
             small
             Matter
             to
             encounter
             with
             the
             workings
             of
             Nature
             ,
             and
             the
             violent
             Temptations
             of
             the
             Devil
             ,
             both
             joining
             together
             ,
             in
             Suggesting
             and
             Framing
             Arguments
             to
             induce
             ,
             to
             a
             willing
             and
             ready
             compliance
             ,
             with
             those
             Calls
             and
             Invitations
             ,
             to
             what
             I
             Lov'd
             and
             lik'd
             ,
             as
             dearly
             as
             the
             daily
             Food
             I
             Liv'd
             by
             .
             Oh!
             the
             strange
             workings
             which
             I
             found
             in
             my self
             ,
             during
             those
             Combates
             .
             The
             Ungodly
             (
             whose
             Company
             I
             had
             Lov'd
             and
             delighted
             in
             so
             dearly
             )
             Calling
             and
             Enviting
             :
             The
             strong
             Bent
             and
             inclination
             of
             the
             Flesh
             drawing
             :
             And
             a
             subtil
             and
             violent
             Devil
             Tempting
             ,
             and
             Perswading
             to
             return
             .
             What!
             Forsake
             thy
             dear
             Companions
             ,
             and
             thy
             sweet
             delightful
             Sports
             ,
             and
             Pleasures
             at
             this
             Rate
             ?
             What!
             To
             Game
             or
             Sport
             no
             more
             for
             ever
             ?
             Alass
             !
             Poor
             Wretch
             :
             What
             good
             wilt
             thou
             get
             by
             betaking
             thy self
             to
             this
             Pensive
             ,
             Sad
             ,
             and
             Melancholly
             kind
             of
             Life
             ?
             Thou
             hast
             had
             Experience
             of
             the
             Sweetness
             and
             delightfulness
             of
             that
             way
             of
             Living
             ,
             which
             thou
             art
             now
             forsaking
             .
             The
             many
             and
             sore
             Miseries
             ,
             and
             Troubles
             attending
             this
             new
             course
             of
             Life
             which
             thou
             art
             so
             fond
             of
             ,
             and
             on
             which
             
             thou
             art
             so
             resolutly
             bent
             ,
             do
             not
             yet
             appear
             in
             their
             black
             and
             formidable
             Colours
             ;
             therefore
             be
             wise
             in
             time
             ,
             go
             back
             to
             thy
             deserted
             Companions
             ,
             and
             freely
             Embrace
             thy
             forsaken
             Sports
             and
             Pleasures
             ,
             before
             thou
             be'st
             too
             far
             gon
             ,
             in
             this
             fond
             and
             dangerous
             way
             thou
             art
             gotten
             into
             :
             Or
             else
             ,
             thou
             wilt
             Repent
             when
             it
             is
             too
             late
             .
             Besides
             these
             assaults
             from
             the
             Devil
             ,
             and
             the
             continual
             ebullitions
             of
             my
             stinking
             and
             vile
             Nature
             ,
             which
             did
             frequently
             surround
             me
             ,
             with
             new
             and
             fresh
             Attacks
             ,
             to
             draw
             me
             back
             again
             .
             I
             met
             with
             new
             (
             and
             unlookt
             for
             )
             Discouragements
             ,
             from
             my
             Relations
             ;
             who
             (
             taking
             notice
             of
             the
             great
             and
             strange
             Change
             ,
             which
             evidently
             appeared
             in
             me
             )
             frequently
             assail'd
             my
             weak
             and
             poor
             beginnings
             ,
             in
             Piety
             and
             Religion
             ,
             with
             hard
             Speeches
             and
             unbecoming
             Language
             against
             that
             precise
             and
             severe
             course
             of
             Life
             ,
             I
             had
             so
             lately
             embraced
             ,
             telling
             me
             (
             with
             great
             asseverations
             )
             that
             I
             should
             most
             certainly
             ,
             bring
             my self
             to
             downright
             Madness
             ;
             by
             Reading
             the
             Scriptures
             so
             much
             .
          
           
             Note
             Reader
             ,
             and
             Oserve
             ,
             (
             by
             the
             way
             )
             how
             great
             an
             Antipathy
             there
             is
             in
             the
             Devil
             ,
             and
             in
             Unregenerate
             Sinners
             ,
             to
             the
             Sacred
             Scriptures
             ,
             a
             sure
             Argument
             that
             they
             are
             the
             Pure
             ,
             and
             Infallible
             Word
             of
             
             God.
             These
             things
             (
             accompanied
             with
             innumerable
             Mocks
             ,
             Taunts
             ,
             and
             Jeers
             ,
             which
             on
             all
             occasions
             were
             heaped
             on
             my
             Name
             ,
             and
             Practice
             proved
             some
             occasion
             of
             startling
             and
             discouragement
             to
             me
             .
          
           
             But
             the
             fixt
             apprehensions
             I
             had
             of
             being
             sent
             to
             Hell
             ,
             to
             be
             Damned
             ,
             in
             Case
             I
             became
             not
             ,
             and
             continued
             a
             Convert
             ;
             did
             abundantly
             out-do
             ,
             all
             the
             oppositions
             which
             lay
             (
             or
             met
             me
             )
             in
             my
             way
             of
             strict
             and
             Religious
             Living
             .
             On
             I
             went
             (
             notwithstanding
             the
             many
             and
             great
             oppositions
             ,
             I
             found
             my self
             encompassed
             with
             )
             abounding
             and
             encreasing
             ,
             rather
             than
             (
             any
             way
             )
             declining
             or
             abating
             :
             either
             in
             Duties
             or
             Ardent
             Zeal
             in
             doing
             them
             .
             My
             proficiency
             in
             Morality
             ,
             and
             the
             advances
             I
             made
             in
             Zeal
             fo
             the
             Church
             and
             the
             Liturgie
             ,
             and
             Service
             thereof
             ;
             were
             so
             Conspicuous
             and
             manifest
             ,
             that
             I
             became
             the
             talk
             of
             almost
             all
             sorts
             ,
             especially
             those
             who
             stood
             Related
             to
             my
             Family
             .
             Letters
             and
             Persons
             ,
             who
             past
             to
             and
             fro
             ;
             giving
             an
             Account
             (
             in
             City
             and
             Country
             )
             what
             a
             strange
             alteration
             ,
             and
             admirable
             change
             appeared
             in
             their
             Cousen
             
               J.
               B.
            
             and
             what
             a
             great
             and
             wonderful
             Practiser
             of
             Piety
             he
             was
             become
             .
             This
             was
             so
             noised
             abroad
             ,
             that
             I
             could
             scarce
             look
             ,
             or
             speak
             ;
             or
             pass
             in
             ,
             or
             out
             where
             People
             were
             ,
             but
             
             I
             had
             somewhat
             or
             other
             ,
             brought
             into
             Discourse
             concerning
             my
             forwardness
             ,
             and
             Zeal
             in
             Religion
             .
             And
             notwithstanding
             I
             was
             (
             at
             that
             time
             )
             but
             an
             Hypocritical
             Formalist
             ,
             and
             a
             Painted
             Legalist
             ,
             (
             knowing
             nothing
             of
             Jesus
             Christ
             ,
             and
             the
             Covenant
             of
             Grace
             ,
             not
             so
             much
             as
             in
             the
             Notion
             )
             yet
             I
             was
             frequently
             troubled
             ,
             and
             exceedingly
             ashamed
             ,
             to
             hear
             mention
             made
             of
             my
             Activity
             ,
             and
             Zeal
             ;
             in
             Serving
             and
             Worshipping
             God.
             So
             far
             was
             I
             from
             either
             designing
             or
             desiring
             to
             make
             the
             World
             privy
             to
             my
             Intentions
             of
             Going
             to
             Heaven
             .
          
           
             And
             that
             which
             speaks
             the
             thing
             the
             more
             strange
             ,
             is
             ,
             to
             consider
             the
             Circumstances
             of
             Time
             and
             Place
             ;
             neither
             of
             which
             afforded
             any
             thing
             ,
             that
             might
             contribute
             the
             least
             part
             of
             a
             Motive
             ,
             or
             an
             Inducement
             ,
             to
             put
             me
             on
             looking
             towards
             ,
             or
             so
             much
             as
             thinking
             of
             Conversion
             :
             there
             being
             no
             Preaching
             in
             those
             parts
             ,
             (
             the
             ordinary
             means
             by
             which
             Convictions
             in
             order
             to
             Faith
             and
             Conversion
             ,
             are
             effected
             .
             )
             Nor
             yet
             the
             Example
             ,
             or
             Advice
             and
             Council
             of
             any
             Person
             ,
             which
             might
             occasion
             in
             me
             ,
             such
             thoughts
             ,
             or
             workings
             of
             Soul.
             
          
           
             In
             this
             way
             ,
             I
             contined
             for
             about
             Six
             or
             Seven
             Years
             ,
             after
             my
             first
             awakenings
             ,
             frequenting
             
             the
             Church
             ,
             and
             its
             appointed
             Service
             :
             and
             growing
             blind
             in
             Pharisaical
             Zeal
             ,
             for
             the
             Moral
             Law
             ,
             and
             Divine
             Service
             Book
             :
             Until
             I
             had
             (
             in
             my
             own
             apprehension
             and
             conceit
             )
             arriv'd
             at
             a
             high
             pitch
             of
             Confidence
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             (
             beyond
             all
             dispute
             really
             Converted
             ,
             and
             that
             (
             consequently
             )
             I
             should
             go
             to
             Heaven
             ,
             and
             be
             Saved
             .
             Yea
             ,
             I
             did
             frequently
             reckon
             and
             account
             ,
             with
             my self
             ,
             that
             if
             but
             two
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             should
             go
             to
             Heaven
             ,
             I
             should
             certainly
             be
             one
             of
             the
             two
             .
             And
             that
             ,
             because
             ,
             I
             was
             certainly
             Converted
             ;
             and
             had
             taken
             so
             much
             ,
             and
             great
             pains
             ,
             in
             doing
             Good
             ,
             and
             shunning
             Evil.
             I
             had
             no
             Fear
             or
             Jealousy
             lodg'd
             in
             me
             ,
             about
             Gods
             accepting
             my
             Person
             :
             And
             his
             having
             regard
             ,
             to
             my
             numerous
             ,
             and
             zealous
             Performances
             of
             Duty
             ;
             both
             Private
             and
             Publick
             .
          
           
             My
             Extraordinary
             Inclinations
             to
             the
             Ministry
             ;
             and
             that
             matchless
             Zeal
             which
             appear'd
             in
             me
             ,
             for
             the
             Church
             ;
             that
             Love
             and
             Veneration
             I
             had
             ,
             for
             its
             Liturgie
             ,
             Ceremonies
             ,
             and
             Clergie
             ,
             especially
             its
             Prelacy
             ;
             gave
             my
             Father
             and
             other
             Relations
             ,
             great
             hopes
             that
             I
             should
             be
             an
             Honour
             to
             the
             Family
             :
             and
             a
             Man
             of
             no
             ordinary
             Figure
             ,
             in
             the
             Orb
             of
             the
             Church
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             CHAP.
             III.
             
          
           
             Seting
             forth
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             seiz'd
             me
             ,
             in
             the
             very
             heighth
             of
             my
             Confidence
             ,
             of
             being
             in
             a
             good
             and
             sure
             state
             of
             Salvation
             :
             What
             sad
             work
             it
             made
             with
             me
             ,
             and
             what
             means
             I
             used
             for
             Help
             and
             Relief
             ,
             under
             its
             killing
             ,
             and
             sinking
             Weight
             .
          
           
             WHen
             I
             was
             about
             Twenty
             One
             Years
             of
             Age
             ,
             in
             the
             very
             heat
             and
             height
             of
             my
             Zeal
             ,
             in
             Prosecuting
             that
             Righteousness
             (
             consisting
             of
             that
             Negative
             ,
             and
             Positive
             Obedience
             )
             which
             the
             Law
             Moral
             enjoyns
             and
             requires
             ;
             as
             the
             condition
             of
             Life
             ,
             and
             Salvation
             .
             It
             pleased
             God
             to
             send
             forth
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             to
             Seize
             me
             ;
             to
             the
             end
             I
             might
             be
             Instructed
             ,
             and
             fully
             convinc'd
             ,
             how
             vain
             my
             Confidence
             of
             being
             Sav'd
             ,
             and
             going
             to
             Heaven
             ,
             in
             that
             self
             pleasing
             way
             of
             Legal
             Righteousness
             was
             .
             The
             manner
             of
             it
             was
             thus
             ,
             being
             on
             the
             Day
             ,
             called
             
               Easter
               Monday
            
             ,
             at
             my
             Cathedral
             Devotion
             ,
             in
             the
             Place
             call'd
             
               Christ
               Church
            
             in
             Dublin
             ,
             (
             a
             Place
             I
             constantly
             
             frequented
             ,
             to
             Morning
             and
             Evening
             Service
             :
             and
             a
             Place
             ,
             which
             I
             more
             Zaelously
             Lov'd
             and
             Venerated
             ;
             than
             any
             Place
             in
             the
             World
             besides
             ;
             For
             that
             I
             verily
             conceited
             (
             in
             my self
             )
             it
             was
             as
             the
             very
             Entrance
             into
             Heaven
             it self
             .
             )
             After
             the
             Service
             was
             ended
             ,
             one
             Dr.
             Golborn
             Preach'd
             ,
             his
             Text
             was
             in
             
               Ephes
               .
               5.
               14.
               
               Wherefore
               he
               saith
               ,
               Awake
               thou
               that
               sleepest
               ,
               and
               arise
               from
               the
               dead
               ,
               and
               Christ
               shall
               give
               thee
               light
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Good
             and
             Choice
             Text
             ,
             but
             how
             well
             ,
             or
             ill
             Handled
             ;
             I
             must
             acknowledge
             my self
             to
             have
             been
             (
             at
             that
             time
             )
             a
             very
             incompetent
             Judge
             ,
             to
             say
             ,
             or
             determine
             .
             About
             the
             middle
             of
             the
             Sermon
             ,
             as
             near
             as
             I
             could
             guess
             ;
             there
             was
             darted
             into
             my
             mind
             ,
             this
             sad
             and
             killing
             Thought
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             that
             I
             had
             (
             the
             day
             before
             )
             Received
             the
             Sacrament
             unworthily
             ;
             which
             sad
             Thought
             was
             back'd
             with
             that
             of
             ,
             1
             
               Cor.
               11.
               29
               
               For
               he
               that
               Eateth
               and
               Drinketh
               unworthily
               ,
               Eateth
               and
               Drinketh
               Damnation
               to
               himself
               ,
               not
               descerning
               the
               Lords
               Body
               .
            
          
           
             This
             sad
             ,
             and
             dismal
             Thought
             ,
             (
             back'd
             (
             as
             I
             said
             )
             with
             that
             Scripture
             just
             now
             Quoted
             )
             .
             Not
             any
             Word
             spoken
             by
             the
             Preacher
             ,
             was
             that
             which
             seiz'd
             my
             Mind
             ,
             and
             let
             in
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             upon
             me
             .
          
           
           
             No
             sooner
             had
             I
             look'd
             this
             
               〈◊〉
               〈◊〉
               〈◊〉
               〈◊〉
               〈◊〉
            
             ,
             o●
             ●ore-runner
             ,
             of
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             in
             the
             Face
             ,
             compareing
             it
             with
             the
             place
             already
             mentioned
             ,
             but
             I
             concluded
             my self
             ,
             a
             lost
             and
             an
             undone
             man.
             My
             Spirit
             was
             in
             such
             an
             amazing
             Fright
             ,
             and
             over
             whelming
             consternation
             ,
             to
             think
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             (
             most
             certainly
             )
             Damn'd
             ,
             to
             all
             intents
             and
             purposes
             :
             that
             indeed
             ,
             I
             verily
             thought
             ,
             all
             the
             People
             in
             the
             place
             ,
             were
             a
             swarm
             ,
             or
             a
             Legion
             of
             Devils
             ,
             which
             God
             (
             in
             revengefull
             wrath
             )
             had
             sent
             from
             the
             Bottomless
             Pit
             ,
             to
             guard
             ,
             and
             attend
             my
             Guilty
             Soul
             thither
             .
             The
             apprehensions
             I
             had
             of
             being
             Damn'd
             ,
             and
             sent
             to
             Hell
             ;
             so
             rack'd
             ,
             and
             tormented
             my
             Spirit
             ,
             that
             I
             found
             my self
             unable
             to
             stay
             ,
             till
             Sermon
             was
             ended
             .
             Away
             I
             ran
             out
             of
             that
             Place
             ;
             to
             shun
             (
             as
             I
             then
             thought
             ,
             )
             those
             swarms
             of
             Devils
             ,
             which
             I
             strongly
             conceived
             ,
             were
             to
             guard
             me
             to
             Hell.
             As
             soon
             as
             I
             came
             to
             my
             Lord
             of
             
             Santry's
             (
             where
             I
             then
             Liv'd
             )
             I
             entered
             my
             Chamber
             ,
             with
             a
             sad
             ,
             and
             heavy
             Heart
             (
             God
             knows
             ;
             )
             to
             my
             Knees
             I
             go
             ,
             with
             an
             intent
             to
             Pray
             ,
             if
             so
             be
             ,
             there
             might
             be
             any
             scrap
             of
             Hope
             ,
             of
             my
             escaping
             being
             Eternally
             Damn'd
             .
             But
             alass
             !
             What
             Tongue
             or
             Pen
             can
             Relate
             ,
             the
             Pass
             ,
             and
             condition
             I
             was
             then
             at
             :
             My
             Reason
             ,
             my
             Conscience
             ,
             and
             my
             very
             Speech
             ,
             were
             ,
             
             as
             it
             were
             Plung'd
             and
             Drown'd
             ,
             in
             the
             Gulph
             of
             Despair
             ;
             so
             that
             I
             could
             neither
             utter
             a
             Word
             in
             Prayer
             ,
             nor
             yet
             consider
             what
             I
             should
             do
             ,
             to
             Relieve
             my
             Bleeding
             Soul
             ,
             in
             that
             sore
             distress
             .
             I
             durst
             not
             abide
             in
             my
             Chamber
             ;
             fearing
             to
             see
             and
             feel
             the
             Devils
             (
             actually
             )
             to
             Seize
             me
             .
             To
             the
             Minister
             of
             the
             Parish
             I
             went
             ,
             (
             from
             whose
             Hands
             I
             Received
             the
             Sacrament
             but
             the
             Day
             before
             ,
             )
             not
             knowing
             but
             that
             he
             might
             Administer
             some
             kind
             of
             Relief
             ,
             to
             one
             in
             my
             condition
             .
             He
             observing
             the
             gastliness
             of
             my
             Looks
             ,
             and
             taking
             notice
             that
             somewhat
             ailed
             me
             ,
             he
             asked
             me
             how
             I
             did
             ;
             to
             which
             I
             could
             not
             Reply
             .
             He
             pressing
             to
             know
             what
             the
             matter
             was
             ;
             I
             at
             length
             ,
             in
             a
             very
             abrupt
             and
             broken
             manner
             ,
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             full
             of
             the
             apprehensions
             and
             fears
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             a
             Damn'd
             Man
             ;
             and
             that
             there
             was
             no
             hopes
             of
             Mercy
             ,
             for
             such
             a
             one
             as
             I
             was
             .
          
           
             The
             Minister
             somewhat
             surprized
             ,
             at
             so
             sudden
             ,
             and
             so
             great
             a
             Change
             ;
             since
             ,
             but
             the
             Day
             before
             ,
             he
             began
             to
             Examin
             what
             great
             and
             heinous
             Sins
             ,
             one
             of
             my
             Age
             ,
             and
             one
             in
             so
             encouraging
             Circumstances
             ,
             (
             as
             I
             was
             in
             )
             could
             be
             guilty
             of
             ;
             which
             should
             occasion
             such
             sad
             Despair
             :
             He
             mentioned
             some
             Texts
             of
             Scriptures
             ,
             thereby
             hoping
             to
             have
             given
             some
             Relief
             ,
             to
             my
             
             weary
             gasping
             Soul
             ,
             but
             all
             in
             vain
             ;
             God's
             time
             of
             Healing
             me
             being
             not
             yet
             come
             .
             And
             finding
             by
             my
             frequent
             coming
             to
             him
             ,
             for
             Ease
             and
             Comfort
             ,
             to
             how
             little
             purpose
             he
             had
             laboured
             with
             me
             ;
             he
             (
             at
             length
             )
             advised
             me
             ,
             to
             Ride
             into
             the
             Country
             ,
             to
             Visit
             my
             Father
             and
             other
             Relations
             ;
             and
             by
             that
             means
             ,
             as
             also
             by
             Exercising
             my self
             ,
             with
             such
             Exercise
             as
             I
             formerly
             delighted
             in
             ,
             as
             Shooting
             with
             the
             Gun
             ,
             and
             Angling
             ,
             to
             divert
             my
             Melancholy
             Thoughts
             .
             This
             I
             was
             glad
             to
             hear
             of
             ,
             my
             own
             Inclinations
             leading
             so
             strongly
             to
             it
             :
             in
             order
             to
             the
             effecting
             of
             which
             ,
             I
             Addressed
             my self
             ,
             to
             my
             Lord's
             House-Keeper
             ,
             entreating
             her
             to
             acquaint
             my
             Lord
             ,
             that
             in
             regard
             ,
             of
             some
             present
             Indisposition
             ,
             under
             which
             I
             laboured
             ;
             and
             in
             order
             to
             my
             Health
             ,
             I
             had
             not
             only
             an
             inclination
             ,
             but
             was
             advised
             ,
             to
             Visit
             my
             Father
             ,
             in
             the
             Country
             :
             in
             order
             whereto
             I
             thought
             it
             convenient
             to
             acquaint
             his
             Lordship
             therewith
             ,
             to
             the
             end
             ,
             I
             might
             obtain
             ,
             not
             only
             his
             Lordships
             free
             consent
             ,
             but
             also
             the
             liberty
             of
             a
             Horse
             ,
             to
             perform
             my
             intended
             Journey
             .
             The
             House-Keeper
             ,
             no
             sooner
             delivered
             my
             request
             to
             my
             Lord
             ,
             but
             my
             Lord
             Commands
             her
             to
             call
             me
             up
             into
             his
             Chamber
             .
             As
             soon
             as
             I
             received
             the
             Command
             ,
             I
             fell
             (
             immediately
             )
             into
             a
             great
             Sweat
             ,
             and
             sore
             Trembling
             ,
             
             up
             I
             went
             ,
             and
             being
             entered
             into
             the
             Chamber
             ;
             my
             Lord
             Locks
             the
             Chamber
             Door
             ,
             and
             laying
             his
             Hat
             on
             a
             Cabinet
             ,
             sits
             down
             in
             his
             Chair
             ,
             and
             with
             an
             earnest
             and
             piercing
             Eye
             ,
             looks
             on
             a
             pretty
             while
             before
             he
             Speaks
             ,
             I
             all
             the
             while
             sweating
             and
             quaking
             .
             At
             length
             my
             Lord
             begins
             ,
             with
             .
             James
             
               what
               ails
               you
               ?
               What
               is
               the
               matter
               ?
               I
               hear
               you
               go
               (
               privately
               )
               to
               Ministers
               ,
               there
               is
               somewhat
               ails
               you
               .
               What
               is
               it
               ?
            
             I
             perceiving
             (
             by
             my
             Lord's
             Discourse
             )
             that
             the
             Minister
             of
             the
             Parish
             ,
             had
             acquainted
             my
             Lord
             ,
             with
             my
             Case
             ,
             I
             found
             my self
             far
             more
             uneasie
             ,
             than
             before
             .
             My
             Sweat
             and
             Trembleings
             of
             Soul
             encreasing
             upon
             me
             :
             My
             Lord
             continued
             querying
             ,
             
               What
               ails
               you
            
             James
             ,
             
               tell
               me
               what
               is
               the
               matter
               ?
            
             I
             was
             so
             overwhelm'd
             in
             my
             Spirit
             ,
             that
             my
             Speech
             was
             swallowed
             up
             ,
             as
             Job
             saith
             ,
             Job
             6.
             3.
             
             But
             my
             Lord
             not
             letting
             me
             alone
             ,
             but
             (
             with
             earnest
             Importunities
             )
             pressing
             to
             know
             what
             I
             ailed
             ;
             I
             at
             length
             ,
             as
             a
             poor
             Condemn'd
             Caitiff
             ,
             hanging
             by
             a
             twine
             Thread
             over
             Hells
             Mouth
             ,
             Roared
             out
             ,
             as
             if
             my
             Bowels
             had
             burst
             out
             of
             my
             Body
             :
             Crying
             with
             great
             and
             unutterable
             Groans
             and
             Tears
             .
             My
             good
             Lord
             ,
             Dear
             my
             Lord
             ,
             I
             am
             afraid
             ,
             I
             am
             an
             undone
             Creature
             ,
             I
             am
             a
             Damn'd
             Man
             ,
             there
             is
             no
             Mercy
             for
             me
             .
             My
             Lord
             perceiving
             
             (
             by
             my
             Looks
             and
             Speech
             ,
             )
             that
             I
             was
             in
             good
             earnest
             wounded
             ,
             with
             Tears
             in
             his
             Eyes
             ,
             and
             with
             the
             greatest
             concernedness
             for
             me
             ;
             began
             to
             play
             the
             Spiritual
             Physitian
             ,
             asking
             me
             ,
             with
             great
             earnestness
             ,
             what
             gross
             ,
             and
             crying
             Sins
             ,
             as
             Adultery
             ,
             Murther
             ,
             and
             the
             like
             ,
             could
             one
             of
             my
             Years
             ,
             be
             guilty
             of
             ,
             as
             to
             occasion
             my
             falling
             into
             Despair
             of
             Mercy
             .
             And
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             admit
             you
             were
             guilty
             of
             such
             ,
             and
             greater
             abominations
             ,
             what
             Reason
             have
             you
             for
             Despaire
             ;
             you
             must
             know
             that
             Jesus
             Christ
             the
             Son
             of
             God
             ,
             came
             into
             the
             World
             ,
             not
             to
             lay
             a
             Load
             on
             you
             ,
             but
             to
             take
             your
             Load
             off
             you
             .
             Quoting
             ,
             
               Mat.
               11.
               29.
               
               Come
               unto
               me
               ,
               all
               ye
               that
               are
               weary
               ,
               and
               heavy
               Laden
               ,
               and
               I
               will
               give
               you
               Rest
               .
            
          
           
             With
             many
             other
             Texts
             of
             Scriptures
             ,
             and
             comfortable
             Expressions
             ,
             he
             laboured
             to
             Relieve
             and
             Ease
             my
             burthened
             and
             sinking
             Soul
             ,
             but
             all
             in
             vain
             ,
             (
             God's
             time
             of
             curing
             my
             deep
             and
             desperate
             Wound
             ,
             being
             not
             come
             .
             )
             As
             touching
             my
             purpose
             ,
             of
             going
             into
             the
             Country
             ,
             My
             Lord
             told
             me
             ,
             I
             might
             use
             my
             freedom
             ,
             but
             that
             his
             Judgment
             and
             Advice
             was
             ,
             that
             it
             were
             better
             for
             me
             to
             stay
             ,
             than
             to
             go
             into
             the
             Country
             :
             and
             that
             because
             ,
             of
             the
             great
             Disadvantage
             ,
             which
             by
             going
             ,
             would
             accrew
             to
             me
             ,
             in
             my
             
             Studies
             .
             My
             Lord
             ,
             having
             declared
             his
             Judgment
             ,
             what
             had
             been
             best
             for
             me
             to
             do
             ,
             I
             told
             his
             Lordship
             I
             was
             resolved
             to
             take
             his
             Advice
             ,
             what
             ever
             came
             of
             me
             :
             and
             accordingly
             I
             did
             .
          
           
             My
             Sore
             continually
             raw
             ,
             Day
             and
             Night
             ,
             and
             ceased
             not
             .
             Yea
             ,
             my
             Soul
             refused
             to
             be
             Comforted
             .
             According
             to
             that
             of
             the
             Psalmist
             ,
             in
             the
             like
             Case
             ,
             
               Psal
               .
               77.
               2.
               
               In
               the
               day
               of
               my
               trouble
               I
               sought
               the
               Lord
               ,
               my
               Sore
               ran
               in
               the
               Night
               ,
               and
               ceased
               not
               :
               My
               Sould
               refused
               to
               be
               Comforted
               .
            
          
           
             I
             seemed
             to
             follow
             ,
             and
             to
             ply
             my
             Studies
             ,
             rather
             for
             Fashion
             sake
             ,
             and
             for
             fear
             my
             Lord
             ,
             and
             my
             Father
             ,
             should
             suspect
             that
             I
             Loved
             Idleness
             ,
             rather
             than
             any
             Love
             I
             had
             thereto
             :
             or
             hopes
             that
             ever
             it
             would
             turn
             to
             any
             Account
             ,
             for
             good
             ;
             to
             my self
             ,
             or
             others
             .
          
           
             When
             at
             any
             time
             I
             look'd
             into
             a
             Book
             ,
             instead
             of
             heeding
             ,
             or
             minding
             what
             was
             in
             the
             Book
             ,
             the
             Eye
             of
             my
             gnawing
             ,
             guilty
             Conscience
             ,
             was
             fixed
             on
             the
             many
             Sins
             I
             had
             committed
             against
             God
             ,
             insomuch
             ,
             that
             all
             the
             Sins
             of
             my
             Youth
             ,
             were
             in
             all
             their
             black
             and
             aggravating
             Circumstances
             ;
             laid
             ,
             and
             held
             before
             me
             ,
             as
             a
             Looking-Glass
             ,
             to
             shew
             me
             ,
             what
             a
             monstrous
             Sinner
             I
             was
             .
             According
             to
             that
             of
             
               David
               ,
               Psal
               .
               51.
               3.
               
               For
               I
               acknowledge
               my
               Transgressions
               ,
               and
               my
               Sin
               is
               ever
               before
               me
               .
            
          
           
           
             Endless
             were
             the
             Tossings
             ,
             and
             Rowlings
             of
             my
             weary
             Soul
             ,
             from
             one
             sad
             confusion
             and
             despairing
             Thought
             ,
             to
             another
             .
             Innumerable
             (
             almost
             )
             were
             the
             sorry
             Prayers
             (
             such
             as
             they
             were
             )
             and
             other
             Duties
             ,
             which
             I
             daily
             Performed
             ;
             to
             Keep
             ,
             and
             Relieve
             my
             Despairing
             Soul
             with
             ;
             but
             all
             in
             vain
             .
             Which
             caused
             me
             to
             conclude
             ,
             that
             I
             had
             been
             much
             wanting
             in
             the
             Trade
             of
             Works
             ,
             and
             that
             ,
             had
             I
             not
             been
             so
             ,
             I
             might
             have
             been
             acquainted
             with
             Peace
             ,
             and
             Comfort
             ,
             before
             now
             .
             To
             the
             Trade
             of
             doing
             ,
             I
             again
             addrest
             my self
             ;
             resolving
             not
             to
             omit
             ,
             or
             leave
             undone
             any
             thing
             :
             which
             I
             understood
             ,
             (
             by
             Reading
             or
             Hearing
             )
             to
             be
             matter
             of
             Duty
             .
             Praying
             (
             understand
             by
             the
             Book
             ,
             for
             I
             knew
             no
             better
             )
             Reading
             ,
             Fasting
             ,
             and
             attending
             the
             most
             lively
             Preachers
             ,
             frequenting
             Sacraments
             ,
             giving
             Alms
             to
             the
             Poor
             ,
             of
             what
             Money
             my
             Lord
             ,
             and
             other
             Relations
             Handed
             out
             to
             me
             .
             That
             Place
             in
             Dan.
             4.
             7.
             was
             oft
             in
             my
             Thoughts
             ,
             according
             to
             which
             I
             gave
             away
             whatever
             I
             got
             :
             yea
             ,
             so
             addicted
             to
             Relieve
             the
             Poor
             and
             Needy
             ,
             was
             I
             ,
             that
             I
             would
             give
             away
             my
             very
             Apparel
             ,
             when
             I
             had
             no
             Money
             .
             And
             all
             this
             ,
             from
             a
             Pharisaical
             and
             Superstitious
             conceit
             ,
             that
             by
             those
             Acts
             of
             Duty
             and
             Service
             ,
             I
             should
             Recompence
             God
             ,
             for
             those
             Sins
             ,
             which
             
             (
             like
             a
             Mill-stone
             on
             the
             Back
             of
             a
             Man
             )
             were
             sinking
             my
             Soul
             ,
             into
             the
             Gulph
             of
             Desparation
             .
          
           
             I
             did
             abound
             more
             and
             more
             ,
             in
             Strict
             and
             Circumspect
             Walking
             ,
             according
             to
             do
             ,
             and
             Live
             ,
             the
             Condition
             ,
             and
             Tenure
             of
             the
             first
             Covenant
             of
             Works
             ,
             under
             which
             I
             was
             Labouring
             for
             Life
             :
             The
             more
             I
             wrought
             at
             the
             Trade
             of
             Duty
             ,
             the
             further
             I
             found
             my self
             from
             Peace
             :
             which
             did
             cause
             me
             to
             Conclude
             ,
             that
             my
             Case
             was
             certainly
             desperate
             ,
             and
             that
             it
             was
             peculiarly
             my
             own
             :
             and
             that
             none
             that
             belong'd
             to
             God
             ,
             was
             ever
             in
             such
             a
             condition
             ,
             as
             I
             found
             my self
             to
             be
             in
             .
          
           
             I
             then
             renewed
             my
             old
             practice
             ,
             of
             going
             to
             Ministers
             ;
             acquainting
             them
             ,
             with
             the
             deplorable
             ,
             and
             wretched
             State
             ,
             and
             Condition
             I
             was
             in
             ;
             and
             earnestly
             begg'd
             their
             Advice
             and
             Council
             ;
             what
             one
             in
             my
             sad
             Circumstances
             had
             best
             to
             do
             ,
             in
             order
             (
             if
             it
             were
             possible
             )
             to
             escape
             Eternal
             Damnation
             ?
             Oh!
             that
             killing
             Word
             Damnation
             !
             When
             ever
             I
             Heard
             ,
             Read
             ,
             or
             Thought
             of
             it
             ,
             how
             did
             it
             Rack
             ,
             and
             Torment
             my
             Spirit
             ?
             As
             fearing
             it
             would
             be
             my
             Portion
             for
             ever
             .
          
           
             As
             the
             Principle
             from
             which
             I
             Acted
             ,
             in
             order
             to
             healing
             ,
             and
             cure
             ;
             was
             ,
             Do
             and
             Live.
             So
             those
             Spiritual
             Physitians
             ,
             to
             
             whom
             I
             Addrest
             my self
             ,
             for
             Council
             and
             Comfort
             ,
             in
             this
             Despair
             of
             Soul
             ;
             (
             being
             as
             ignorant
             in
             the
             Mistery
             of
             the
             New
             Birth
             ,
             as
             ever
             was
             
               Nicodemus
               ,
               )
               Joh.
            
             3.
             4.
             
             They
             put
             me
             on
             doing
             those
             Duties
             ,
             in
             and
             about
             which
             ,
             I
             had
             Laboured
             before
             ,
             even
             to
             weariness
             .
             The
             Names
             of
             those
             Dignitaries
             of
             the
             Church
             to
             whom
             I
             Applied
             my self
             ,
             together
             with
             what
             their
             sayings
             were
             ,
             are
             too
             Tedious
             to
             Relate
             ;
             and
             therefore
             ,
             I
             here
             pass
             them
             by
             .
             Only
             I
             think
             fit
             ,
             to
             Acquaint
             the
             Reader
             ,
             with
             the
             great
             and
             superlative
             Ingenuity
             ,
             and
             dexterous
             Skilfulness
             ,
             in
             healing
             a
             Sin-sick
             Soul
             ;
             which
             one
             of
             them
             (
             above
             the
             rest
             )
             had
             attain'd
             to
             ,
             to
             his
             Everlasting
             Fame
             be
             it
             Spoken
             .
             The
             Thing
             is
             thus
             .
          
           
             After
             I
             had
             acquainted
             the
             Bishop
             ,
             (
             for
             of
             no
             lower
             a
             Degree
             was
             he
             )
             with
             the
             sad
             ,
             and
             lamentable
             Condition
             ,
             my
             Soul
             was
             in
             ,
             but
             he
             forthwith
             exhorts
             me
             ,
             to
             get
             a
             Book
             (
             Stil'd
             ,
             
               The
               whole
               Duty
               of
               Man
            
             ,
             )
             and
             when
             I
             had
             got
             it
             ,
             I
             should
             come
             to
             him
             for
             further
             Instructions
             .
             The
             Book
             I
             forthwith
             procured
             ,
             and
             to
             his
             Lord
             Bishop
             I
             repair'd
             ,
             who
             finding
             that
             I
             had
             got
             the
             Book
             :
             Takes
             it
             out
             of
             my
             Hand
             ,
             and
             turning
             to
             a
             Prayer
             appointed
             for
             one
             of
             the
             Nights
             in
             the
             Week
             ;
             with
             great
             earnestness
             charged
             me
             ,
             that
             when
             I
             was
             ready
             to
             go
             to
             Bed
             ,
             that
             I
             
             be
             sure
             to
             kneel
             down
             by
             my
             Bed-side
             ,
             and
             say
             that
             Prayer
             ,
             the
             which
             was
             done
             according
             to
             his
             Lordships
             Directions
             .
             But
             to
             how
             great
             purpose
             ,
             I
             leave
             the
             Judicious
             ,
             and
             Experienced
             Christian
             to
             Judge
             .
          
           
             Having
             thus
             applied
             my self
             ,
             to
             seven
             or
             eight
             ,
             of
             the
             Ablest
             ,
             and
             most
             Fam'd
             of
             the
             Fathers
             ,
             and
             Dignitaries
             of
             the
             Church
             of
             England
             ,
             (
             then
             in
             Dublin
             )
             and
             finding
             by
             woful
             and
             sad
             Experience
             ,
             how
             little
             they
             understood
             my
             Case
             ,
             and
             how
             vastly
             short
             they
             prov'd
             in
             helping
             me
             ,
             in
             my
             Extremity
             ,
             I
             concluded
             my
             Case
             to
             be
             altogether
             desperate
             and
             hopeless
             .
          
           
             It
             is
             not
             to
             be
             told
             by
             Tongue
             ,
             or
             Pen
             ,
             what
             Soul
             Conflicts
             and
             Agonies
             accompanied
             me
             ,
             whereever
             I
             went
             ,
             and
             whatever
             I
             set
             about
             .
             Insomuch
             that
             they
             became
             frequent
             and
             Familiar
             to
             me
             ,
             in
             the
             very
             Night
             Visions
             .
             The
             Devil
             ,
             Hell
             ,
             Damnation
             ,
             with
             the
             manner
             how
             the
             Wicked
             are
             handled
             in
             Hell
             ;
             were
             things
             very
             often
             presented
             to
             my
             Phancy
             ,
             in
             those
             short
             and
             Tormenting
             Slumbers
             ,
             whereinto
             I
             fell
             .
             Yea
             ,
             I
             have
             sometimes
             Dreamt
             ,
             that
             I
             have
             seen
             ,
             and
             felt
             my self
             in
             Hell
             ,
             among
             the
             Damned
             ,
             tumbling
             and
             sinking
             down
             deeper
             and
             deeper
             ,
             feeling
             no
             Bottom
             .
             Which
             hath
             occasioned
             me
             often
             to
             
             think
             of
             
             Job's
             Case
             ,
             of
             which
             he
             bitterly
             complains
             .
             
               Job
               .
               7.
               14.
               
               Then
               thou
               scarest
               me
               with
               Dreams
               ,
               and
               terrifiest
               me
               with
               Visions
               .
            
          
           
             As
             it
             was
             with
             Job
             ,
             so
             it
             was
             with
             me
             ,
             when
             I
             had
             been
             even
             spent
             ,
             with
             the
             Conflicts
             ,
             and
             Temptations
             of
             the
             Day
             .
             I
             thought
             sometimes
             ,
             and
             hoped
             at
             least
             ,
             that
             my
             Bed
             and
             Sleep
             ,
             would
             something
             ease
             ,
             and
             lessen
             my
             Pain
             ,
             and
             inward
             horror
             of
             Mind
             .
             But
             wo
             ,
             and
             alass
             !
             I
             was
             never
             wearier
             of
             the
             Fatigue
             of
             the
             Day
             ,
             than
             I
             was
             of
             the
             restless
             Tossings
             of
             the
             Night
             .
             And
             that
             because
             ,
             of
             those
             Dreams
             and
             Visions
             ,
             which
             (
             did
             as
             it
             were
             )
             realize
             the
             things
             themselves
             ,
             to
             my
             Mind
             .
             The
             consternation
             ,
             into
             which
             those
             Soul
             afflicting
             Visions
             did
             put
             me
             ,
             did
             often
             startle
             me
             out
             of
             my
             Sleep
             ,
             and
             caused
             in
             me
             restless
             longings
             for
             Day-light
             :
             and
             that
             because
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             employ
             my
             Thoughts
             about
             any
             thing
             ,
             but
             what
             had
             a
             Tendency
             to
             augment
             my
             Despair
             and
             Misery
             .
             My
             Thoughts
             running
             out
             ,
             and
             Fixing
             upon
             the
             Sins
             of
             my
             Youth
             ,
             thinking
             how
             many
             ,
             and
             Black
             they
             were
             :
             Calling
             to
             Mind
             ,
             the
             Advances
             I
             had
             formerly
             made
             in
             the
             way
             of
             Strict
             and
             Zealous
             Religion
             ;
             and
             what
             Methods
             and
             Ways
             I
             had
             used
             ,
             to
             get
             Healing
             and
             Comfort
             ,
             and
             all
             in
             Vain
             ,
             and
             to
             no
             purpose
             .
             
             And
             that
             because
             (
             as
             I
             concluded
             )
             God
             had
             given
             me
             up
             ,
             to
             be
             a
             Prey
             to
             the
             Enemy
             .
             Sometimes
             in
             the
             Night
             when
             I
             could
             not
             Seep
             ,
             I
             heard
             Dogs
             howle
             ,
             and
             cry
             Pittiously
             ,
             in
             the
             Cold
             Weather
             ,
             this
             I
             apprehended
             was
             a
             lively
             Representing
             to
             the
             Ear
             ,
             the
             Skreeks
             and
             Roarings
             of
             the
             Damned
             in
             Hell.
             Thus
             are
             they
             ,
             in
             those
             Eternal
             Flames
             ,
             and
             so
             shall
             I
             ,
             e're
             long
             .
             Oh!
             That
             I
             could
             but
             see
             one
             glimps
             of
             the
             Morning
             Light
             !
             But
             wo
             is
             me
             ,
             (
             Deserted
             and
             Forsaken
             of
             God
             ,
             )
             I
             shall
             be
             with
             the
             Damned
             ,
             in
             that
             place
             of
             Torment
             ,
             before
             Morning
             .
             I
             shall
             never
             see
             Light.
             Well
             ,
             when
             (
             contrary
             to
             my
             foolish
             and
             wicked
             Thoughts
             and
             Expectations
             )
             I
             had
             Lived
             to
             see
             the
             Morning
             Light
             ;
             I
             would
             then
             begin
             to
             Reason
             and
             Query
             with
             my self
             ,
             what
             I
             had
             so
             earnestly
             desired
             the
             Day
             for
             ?
             My
             Day
             of
             Grace
             is
             certainly
             past
             ,
             and
             gone
             :
             there
             is
             no
             Mercy
             in
             store
             ,
             for
             such
             a
             one
             as
             I
             am
             .
             All
             the
             helps
             and
             means
             of
             Grace
             ,
             which
             have
             had
             a
             Blessing
             attending
             them
             ,
             for
             special
             Good
             to
             others
             ;
             are
             attended
             with
             a
             Curse
             to
             me
             ;
             I
             am
             a
             Reprobate
             ;
             in
             vain
             it
             is
             to
             Pray
             any
             more
             ;
             or
             spend
             any
             more
             time
             in
             the
             Duties
             of
             Religion
             .
             I
             have
             had
             sad
             experience
             of
             that
             ,
             under
             this
             Weight
             would
             I
             lye
             in
             my
             Bed
             ,
             concluding
             it
             altogether
             in
             vain
             ,
             to
             arise
             to
             
             engage
             in
             any
             Duty
             .
             This
             Temptation
             so
             far
             prevailed
             ,
             that
             I
             did
             (
             for
             a
             time
             )
             Refrain
             Prayer
             ;
             and
             neglect
             other
             Duties
             of
             Religion
             .
             From
             my
             concluding
             ,
             that
             I
             belonged
             not
             to
             God
             ,
             I
             found
             my self
             like
             a
             dead
             Log
             ,
             as
             if
             I
             had
             neither
             Life
             ,
             nor
             Soul
             left
             in
             me
             .
             I
             expected
             certainly
             (
             every
             Hour
             ;
             nay
             ,
             each
             Minute
             ;
             nay
             ,
             every
             Breath
             I
             fetch'd
             )
             to
             be
             hurried
             away
             ;
             into
             the
             Place
             ,
             and
             Company
             of
             the
             Damned
             ;
             which
             caused
             in
             me
             ,
             such
             amazement
             and
             unusual
             horror
             ;
             that
             I
             would
             creep
             like
             a
             Condemned
             Malefactor
             ,
             into
             the
             Chimny
             corner
             ,
             among
             the
             Company
             ,
             there
             resolving
             to
             stay
             ,
             while
             any
             stay'd
             there
             :
             On
             purpose
             to
             avoid
             and
             shun
             those
             Damned
             Spirits
             ,
             whom
             I
             expected
             (
             every
             twinkling
             of
             an
             Eye
             to
             see
             .
          
           
             Among
             my
             sad
             and
             despairing
             Thoughts
             ,
             concerning
             the
             ineffectualness
             of
             all
             Means
             ,
             and
             Duties
             ,
             to
             do
             me
             good
             ;
             there
             did
             come
             into
             my
             Thoughts
             ,
             a
             Passage
             which
             I
             had
             Read
             in
             some
             Author
             ,
             whose
             Name
             I
             have
             forgot
             ,
             it
             was
             this
             ,
             (
             
               viz.
               )
               That
               there
               are
               different
               Degrees
               of
               Torment
               ,
               among
               the
               Damned
               in
               Hell.
            
             This
             thing
             I
             Fix'd
             my
             Thoughts
             on
             so
             long
             ,
             till
             I
             did
             hence
             Infer
             ,
             and
             Conclude
             ,
             that
             seeing
             there
             are
             different
             Degrees
             of
             Torment
             among
             the
             Damned
             in
             Hell
             ,
             and
             that
             the
             Damned
             exceed
             
             each
             other
             ,
             in
             the
             Degrees
             of
             Sin
             ,
             must
             (
             necessarily
             )
             be
             the
             Ground
             and
             Foundation
             ,
             of
             such
             a
             difference
             :
             I
             concluded
             that
             the
             less
             Sin
             I
             committed
             ,
             the
             less
             would
             be
             my
             Torment
             in
             Hell.
             Now
             every
             omission
             of
             Duty
             ,
             (
             think
             I
             )
             as
             well
             as
             doing
             what
             is
             Possitively
             forbidden
             ,
             in
             the
             Moral
             Law
             ,
             is
             a
             sin
             against
             God
             ;
             and
             therefore
             ,
             to
             make
             my
             Chain
             the
             lighter
             in
             Hell
             ;
             I
             am
             resolv'd
             against
             all
             known
             Sin.
             And
             accordingly
             ,
             I
             fell
             to
             Works
             again
             ,
             perceiving
             in
             my self
             ,
             no
             other
             Motive
             or
             Inducement
             (
             hereto
             )
             but
             meerly
             expecting
             ,
             and
             hoping
             ,
             that
             by
             this
             means
             ,
             my
             being
             in
             Hell
             ,
             would
             be
             made
             more
             tollerable
             and
             easie
             ,
             than
             that
             of
             other
             Reprobates
             .
             By
             this
             very
             thing
             ,
             it
             will
             (
             easily
             )
             be
             understood
             ,
             how
             near
             I
             was
             to
             final
             Despair
             ,
             in
             my
             own
             Thoughts
             and
             Apprehensions
             .
          
           
             But
             among
             all
             the
             Combates
             ,
             and
             Conflicts
             ,
             I
             met
             with
             in
             the
             time
             of
             my
             Bondage
             ,
             none
             more
             Rackt
             and
             tormented
             my
             Spirit
             ,
             than
             those
             hideous
             and
             abominable
             Thoughts
             ,
             which
             by
             the
             Devil
             were
             like
             Fiery
             and
             Poysoned
             Arrows
             Injected
             into
             my
             Mind
             ;
             sometimes
             against
             the
             Holy
             Scriptures
             ,
             as
             that
             they
             were
             not
             the
             word
             of
             God
             ,
             but
             the
             Cunning
             and
             Politick
             Inventions
             of
             Men
             ;
             devised
             and
             contrived
             by
             some
             ,
             to
             Awe
             ,
             and
             keep
             others
             in
             Subjection
             .
             
             This
             Temptation
             caused
             no
             small
             Anguish
             ,
             and
             Perturbation
             in
             my
             Mind
             :
             but
             did
             not
             continue
             long
             ;
             for
             (
             though
             sad
             and
             desperate
             I
             thought
             my
             Case
             to
             be
             )
             I
             was
             enabled
             to
             Consider
             ,
             what
             a
             mighty
             Power
             went
             along
             with
             the
             Scriptures
             ,
             in
             discovering
             my
             most
             Secret
             Corruptions
             ;
             and
             putting
             my
             Conscience
             and
             Spirit
             into
             such
             fear
             ,
             of
             what
             would
             ensue
             ,
             in
             Case
             I
             did
             not
             cofess
             and
             forsake
             them
             .
             This
             very
             Consideration
             (
             viz.
             )
             that
             the
             Word
             ,
             which
             discovered
             to
             me
             ,
             my
             vain
             ,
             and
             sinful
             thoughts
             ,
             and
             Condemn'd
             the
             ill
             Life
             ,
             I
             had
             led
             ;
             and
             that
             laid
             me
             under
             such
             Captivating
             horror
             and
             fear
             ,
             for
             the
             same
             ,
             must
             needs
             be
             the
             Word
             of
             an
             Infinite
             ,
             All-knowing
             ,
             and
             powerful
             God
             :
             did
             foil
             and
             repel
             that
             Temptation
             .
          
           
             No
             sooner
             had
             the
             first
             Temptation
             been
             over
             ,
             but
             a
             Second
             immediately
             ensues
             ;
             which
             was
             ,
             That
             there
             is
             no
             such
             thing
             as
             a
             God
             ,
             in
             Nature
             ,
             and
             that
             Mens
             Believing
             ,
             and
             Professing
             the
             Being
             of
             a
             God
             ,
             was
             more
             from
             use
             of
             Custom
             ,
             and
             from
             the
             strong
             Workings
             of
             Phancy
             ,
             than
             from
             any
             real
             Truth
             ,
             grounded
             on
             sensible
             Experience
             .
          
           
             Oh!
             The
             sad
             Concussion
             this
             Temptation
             gave
             to
             the
             Powers
             of
             Nature
             .
             I
             was
             so
             strangely
             influenced
             by
             it
             ,
             that
             I
             solemnly
             
             Prosess
             ,
             I
             felt
             my self
             sinking
             and
             and
             just
             tottering
             ,
             to
             fall
             off
             my
             Feet
             :
             All
             over
             in
             a
             Muck
             Sweat
             ,
             with
             a
             strange
             Shivering
             ,
             and
             Trembling
             ,
             in
             all
             the
             Powers
             ,
             and
             Parts
             of
             Soul
             and
             Body
             .
             But
             making
             to
             a
             Window
             ,
             looking
             into
             a
             pleasant
             Garden
             ;
             I
             leaned
             on
             the
             Window
             ,
             with
             my
             Elbows
             ,
             and
             so
             bore
             up
             my
             Body
             ,
             from
             falling
             ,
             which
             otherwise
             ,
             had
             (
             undoubtedly
             )
             sunk
             down
             under
             its
             present
             Load
             and
             Weight
             ,
             occasioned
             by
             that
             Temptation
             .
             Remaining
             for
             some
             little
             space
             ,
             in
             a
             horrible
             Trembling
             ,
             and
             amazing
             Consternation
             of
             Spirit
             .
             I
             (
             looking
             out
             into
             the
             Garden
             )
             began
             began
             to
             consider
             ,
             and
             Reason
             with
             my self
             ,
             thus
             ,
             How
             came
             these
             Trees
             to
             grow
             thus
             orderly
             in
             this
             place
             ?
             Who
             Rear'd
             or
             Built
             these
             Sumptuous
             Buildings
             ?
             Surely
             ,
             not
             themselves
             :
             why
             then
             (
             think
             I
             )
             if
             not
             themselvess
             ;
             then
             (
             of
             necessity
             )
             they
             must
             Spring
             from
             some
             Cause
             ,
             Higher
             and
             more
             Noble
             than
             themselves
             (
             viz
             )
             Man.
             Then
             ,
             from
             the
             Consideration
             of
             the
             Trees
             ,
             and
             the
             Buildings
             ;
             I
             began
             to
             Exercise
             my
             thoughts
             about
             Man
             ,
             and
             other
             Living
             Creatures
             ,
             thinking
             thus
             :
             And
             how
             came
             Man
             ,
             and
             these
             other
             Living
             Creatures
             ,
             to
             have
             a
             Being
             ;
             surely
             (
             think
             I
             )
             they
             could
             neither
             Form
             nor
             Quicken
             themselves
             ;
             and
             if
             so
             ,
             then
             of
             necessity
             ,
             there
             must
             be
             some
             
             Cause
             of
             their
             Being
             and
             Living
             ,
             which
             is
             Higher
             and
             more
             Excellent
             than
             they
             ;
             which
             can
             (
             thinks
             my
             Reason
             )
             be
             no
             other
             but
             an
             Infinitely
             Glorious
             God.
             And
             this
             (
             said
             Reason
             in
             me
             )
             might
             be
             Evinced
             ;
             not
             only
             by
             considering
             the
             Particulars
             already
             mentioned
             ;
             but
             ,
             by
             considering
             the
             Frame
             of
             the
             World
             ,
             and
             the
             strange
             Preservation
             of
             all
             things
             therein
             ;
             and
             the
             wonderful
             Government
             of
             the
             Second
             Causes
             ,
             wherewith
             the
             World
             abounds
             .
          
           
             These
             ,
             and
             sundry
             others
             of
             the
             like
             Arguments
             ,
             proved
             so
             Strong
             ,
             and
             Nervous
             ,
             to
             convince
             me
             ,
             that
             of
             necessity
             there
             must
             be
             a
             God
             ,
             that
             that
             Temtation
             vanish'd
             .
          
           
             The
             Devil
             perceiving
             himself
             foil'd
             in
             this
             attempt
             ;
             he
             sets
             furiously
             on
             me
             ,
             with
             Blasphemous
             Thoughts
             :
             Representing
             God
             in
             such
             vile
             shapes
             ,
             and
             hideous
             and
             base
             Ideas
             ,
             to
             my
             Mind
             ;
             that
             were
             I
             to
             undergo
             ,
             the
             utmost
             of
             Misery
             ,
             that
             Creatures
             are
             capable
             of
             Inflicting
             ,
             or
             I
             capable
             of
             Suffering
             :
             I
             do
             (
             humbly
             )
             hope
             ,
             in
             Christ's
             Strength
             ,
             I
             should
             unspeakably
             choose
             rather
             to
             be
             Rack'd
             to
             Death
             :
             than
             (
             but
             once
             )
             to
             Name
             them
             ;
             so
             vile
             ,
             hideous
             ,
             and
             horrible
             were
             they
             :
             Proceeding
             rather
             from
             the
             Enraged
             and
             Revengeful
             Malice
             of
             the
             
             Devil
             ,
             against
             the
             Majesty
             of
             God
             ;
             than
             from
             the
             Corruption
             ,
             and
             Pravity
             of
             Nature
             .
             These
             things
             ,
             I
             do
             but
             glance
             (
             or
             touch
             )
             at
             ,
             not
             from
             any
             delight
             I
             take
             in
             the
             Remembrance
             of
             them
             :
             But
             rather
             for
             the
             Relief
             of
             some
             poor
             Tempted
             Despairing
             Soul
             ;
             who
             (
             probably
             )
             may
             be
             conflicting
             with
             the
             same
             Fiery
             Assaults
             ;
             concluding
             within
             themselves
             (
             as
             I
             often
             did
             )
             that
             none
             belonging
             to
             God
             ,
             could
             ever
             be
             possess'd
             ,
             with
             such
             black
             and
             dismal
             Thoughts
             .
             Oh!
             the
             gastliness
             and
             fearful
             Tremblings
             .
             Oh!
             the
             Sweats
             and
             Weariness
             ,
             of
             my
             very
             Life
             ,
             which
             these
             Satanical
             Injections
             caused
             in
             me
             ;
             a
             sure
             and
             convincing
             Argument
             ,
             they
             were
             (
             immediately
             from
             the
             Devil
             ,
             and
             none
             else
             .
             The
             Sins
             flowing
             from
             the
             Pravity
             of
             Nature
             ,
             being
             (
             commonly
             )
             rather
             Pleasing
             and
             Delightful
             ,
             than
             Amazing
             and
             Terrifying
             to
             Nature
             .
          
           
             In
             this
             sad
             Condition
             ,
             I
             continued
             so
             long
             ,
             till
             my
             very
             Animal
             Spirits
             ,
             were
             even
             drunk
             up
             :
             and
             the
             Radical
             moisture
             of
             my
             Body
             ,
             wasted
             by
             that
             Burning
             Inflammation
             which
             I
             (
             sensibly
             )
             felt
             ,
             invade
             and
             possess
             my
             Body
             .
             The
             pittiful
             and
             deplorable
             State
             I
             was
             in
             ,
             both
             in
             respect
             of
             my
             Soul
             ,
             which
             I
             found
             was
             Invaded
             by
             the
             Terrors
             of
             God
             ,
             for
             the
             breach
             of
             his
             Royal
             Law
             ;
             and
             (
             as
             I
             
             verily
             concluded
             )
             given
             up
             to
             Satan
             ,
             by
             God
             ,
             in
             a
             Judicial
             way
             ,
             to
             be
             possess'd
             by
             him
             .
             As
             also
             ,
             in
             respect
             of
             my
             Body
             ,
             in
             which
             the
             sad
             Symptoms
             of
             my
             approaching
             Doom
             ,
             did
             as
             I
             verily
             thought
             ,
             hourly
             appear
             :
             such
             as
             the
             growing
             and
             encreasing
             of
             that
             Burning
             Inflammation
             ,
             (
             already
             mentioned
             .
             )
             Decay
             of
             my
             Sight
             ,
             which
             necessitated
             the
             use
             of
             Spectacles
             ,
             at
             the
             Age
             of
             25
             Years
             :
             the
             loss
             of
             my
             Smelling
             ,
             and
             Tasting
             ,
             for
             about
             three
             Months
             ,
             with
             a
             great
             decay
             of
             my
             Hearing
             :
             So
             gastly
             a
             sight
             was
             I
             ,
             to
             behold
             ,
             that
             I
             became
             a
             Spectacle
             of
             wonderment
             to
             all
             the
             Family
             ,
             where
             I
             Liv'd
             ;
             some
             concluding
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             Starved
             ,
             by
             my
             frequent
             Fastings
             :
             others
             (
             verily
             )
             concluding
             ,
             that
             Spirits
             haunted
             me
             ;
             which
             caused
             (
             in
             me
             )
             such
             gastly
             looks
             ;
             and
             caused
             my
             Body
             to
             bend
             and
             bow
             ,
             towards
             Crookedness
             ;
             so
             heavy
             and
             Insupportable
             ,
             was
             the
             Load
             I
             lay
             under
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             CHAP.
             IV.
             
          
           
             Discovering
             how
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             Succeeded
             the
             spirit
             of
             Bondage
             .
             And
             what
             Glorious
             effects
             ensued
             thereupon
             .
          
           
             THE
             last
             Day
             of
             my
             Bondage
             State
             ,
             when
             I
             look'd
             for
             nothing
             ,
             but
             a
             going
             down
             ,
             to
             the
             nethermost
             Hell
             :
             In
             the
             unconceiveable
             Horror
             ,
             and
             amazing
             Consternation
             of
             my
             Spirit
             ;
             there
             was
             a
             place
             of
             Scripture
             which
             run
             in
             my
             Thoughts
             ,
             from
             Morning
             to
             Bed-time
             .
             The
             Place
             of
             Scripture
             was
             ,
             
               Esa
               .
               43.
               25.
               
               I
               even
               I
               ,
               am
               he
               ,
               that
               Blotteth
               out
               thy
               Transgressions
               for
               mine
               own
               sake
               ;
               and
               will
               not
               Remember
               thy
               Sins
               .
            
          
           
             This
             Scripture
             got
             such
             hold
             of
             my
             Mind
             and
             Thoughts
             ,
             that
             (
             albeit
             ,
             I
             no
             more
             understood
             the
             Sense
             ,
             or
             meaning
             of
             the
             Spirit
             of
             God
             in
             it
             ,
             or
             how
             it
             came
             into
             my
             Mind
             that
             Day
             ,
             than
             a
             Pagan
             ,
             that
             never
             knew
             any
             thing
             of
             the
             True
             God.
             I
             could
             not
             possibly
             keep
             my
             Thoughts
             fixt
             on
             any
             thing
             (
             all
             the
             Day
             )
             but
             on
             that
             very
             Scripture
             .
             Rolling
             and
             Tumbling
             ,
             the
             bare
             
             Words
             in
             my
             thoughts
             incessantly
             ;
             thus
             ,
             
               I
               ,
               even
               I
               ,
               am
               he
               ,
               that
               blotteth
               out
               thy
               Transgressions
               ,
               for
               mine
               own
               sake
               ;
               and
               will
               not
               Rememberthy
               Sins
               .
               I
               ,
               even
               I
               ,
               am
               he
               ,
               that
               blotteth
               out
               thy
               Transgressions
               ,
               for
               mine
               own
               sake
               ;
               and
               will
               not
               Remember
               thy
               Sins
               .
            
             And
             so
             all
             the
             Day
             till
             Bed-Time
             .
             I
             was
             somewhat
             astonished
             at
             the
             Change
             ,
             which
             I
             found
             in
             my self
             ,
             (
             in
             reference
             to
             my
             Thoughts
             about
             the
             Scriptures
             :
             )
             for
             ,
             whereas
             before
             ,
             during
             the
             State
             of
             my
             Spiritual
             Bondage
             ,
             which
             was
             between
             three
             and
             four
             Years
             )
             I
             could
             think
             of
             no
             Scriptures
             ,
             but
             such
             as
             Treated
             of
             Damnation
             ,
             of
             Falling
             away
             ,
             and
             of
             Sinning
             against
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             ,
             always
             applying
             the
             same
             to
             my self
             ,
             desperately
             concluding
             ,
             that
             my
             own
             Doom
             was
             ,
             in
             those
             Terrible
             Scriptures
             set
             forth
             ,
             and
             discovered
             .
             I
             (
             that
             Day
             )
             forgot
             those
             Terrifying
             Scriptures
             ;
             and
             could
             (
             as
             I
             said
             )
             think
             of
             nothing
             ,
             but
             that
             Place
             in
             Esa
             .
             43.
             25
             above
             mentioned
             .
             And
             that
             without
             the
             least
             apprehension
             ,
             what
             the
             Sence
             of
             the
             Spirit
             (
             in
             these
             Words
             )
             should
             be
             ;
             or
             how
             ,
             or
             wherefore
             that
             Scripture
             should
             make
             such
             a
             forceable
             entry
             on
             my
             Mind
             and
             Thoughts
             ;
             as
             to
             Eject
             ,
             and
             Banish
             from
             my
             Thoughts
             and
             Remembrance
             ,
             the
             other
             Terrible
             Scriptures
             :
             By
             the
             wrong
             Application
             of
             which
             ,
             my
             State
             and
             Condition
             ,
             
             became
             (
             as
             to
             my
             own
             Sense
             and
             Thoughts
             ,
             )
             equal
             to
             that
             of
             the
             Damned
             .
          
           
             At
             Night
             after
             my
             Lord
             had
             Supped
             ,
             and
             while
             the
             inferiour
             of
             the
             Family
             ,
             were
             (
             Actually
             )
             at
             Supper
             :
             I
             stole
             my
             opportunity
             ,
             Resolving
             (
             in
             my self
             ,
             )
             that
             none
             should
             know
             where
             I
             was
             ;
             or
             suspect
             what
             I
             was
             about
             ;
             up
             Stairs
             I
             got
             ,
             without
             a
             Candle
             ,
             (
             the
             Night
             being
             Moon-Shine
             )
             I
             was
             all
             of
             a
             Sweat
             ,
             and
             a
             strange
             Horrour
             fell
             on
             me
             ,
             occasioned
             by
             the
             Conceit
             ,
             and
             Apprehension
             I
             had
             ,
             that
             the
             Devil
             accompanied
             me
             ,
             (
             as
             a
             Man
             )
             up
             Stairs
             ,
             whose
             Steppings
             (
             along
             with
             mine
             )
             I
             strongly
             imagined
             I
             heard
             ,
             which
             caused
             me
             to
             keep
             my
             Eyes
             closed
             ,
             for
             fear
             I
             should
             see
             the
             Devil
             ,
             in
             a
             visible
             Shape
             .
             While
             I
             was
             unlocking
             the
             Chamber
             Door
             ,
             I
             found
             the
             Horror
             ,
             and
             Fright
             ,
             under
             which
             I
             Laboured
             ,
             greatly
             to
             encrease
             ,
             the
             Devil
             suggesting
             ,
             that
             he
             would
             either
             pull
             me
             back
             ,
             from
             entring
             into
             the
             Chamber
             ;
             or
             else
             ,
             that
             he
             would
             enter
             along
             with
             me
             ,
             to
             hinder
             (
             or
             distract
             )
             me
             ,
             in
             my
             (
             intended
             )
             Devotion
             .
             All
             this
             while
             the
             place
             of
             Scripture
             ,
             above
             mentioned
             ,
             ran
             still
             in
             my
             Thoughts
             ,
             as
             before
             .
             Being
             entred
             into
             my
             Chamber
             ,
             all
             in
             a
             Sweat
             ,
             and
             unusual
             Consternation
             of
             Spirit
             ,
             I
             stood
             before
             the
             Bed-side
             ,
             where
             I
             used
             to
             kneel
             ,
             in
             Praying
             ;
             and
             with
             my
             Eyes
             closed
             (
             as
             I
             
             was
             taking
             my self
             to
             Task
             ,
             endeavouring
             to
             Recollect
             my
             Memory
             ,
             where
             I
             had
             been
             all
             that
             Day
             ?
             With
             what
             Company
             I
             had
             Convers'd
             ?
             What
             Duties
             I
             had
             (
             knowingly
             )
             omitted
             ?
             And
             what
             Immoralities
             ,
             I
             had
             any
             ways
             consented
             to
             ?
             )
             All
             on
             a
             sudden
             ,
             I
             found
             the
             Eyes
             of
             my
             Understanding
             so
             clearly
             Enlightned
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             enabled
             to
             know
             and
             understand
             the
             meaning
             of
             that
             Place
             of
             Scripture
             ,
             which
             run
             all
             that
             Day
             in
             my
             Thoughts
             .
             A
             Scripture
             ,
             than
             which
             ,
             The
             whole
             
               Book
               of
               God
            
             ,
             could
             not
             afford
             a
             more
             suitable
             Text
             for
             the
             design
             therein
             ;
             which
             was
             ,
             to
             debase
             the
             Creature
             ;
             and
             to
             Extol
             and
             to
             Advance
             the
             Grace
             ,
             and
             Mercy
             of
             the
             Most
             High
             Jehovah
             ;
             who
             (
             alone
             )
             Excluding
             all
             others
             )
             is
             God
             (
             over
             all
             )
             Blessed
             for
             Evermore
             .
          
           
             I
             was
             from
             the
             time
             of
             my
             first
             awakening
             (
             as
             above
             mentioned
             )
             possess'd
             of
             an
             Opinion
             ;
             that
             Conversion
             consisted
             in
             an
             External
             (
             or
             outward
             )
             Reformation
             of
             the
             Life
             ,
             and
             that
             it
             was
             in
             the
             Power
             of
             the
             Creature
             to
             effect
             the
             same
             .
             And
             that
             by
             Repenting
             of
             the
             by-past
             Follies
             of
             Youth
             ;
             and
             by
             a
             Strenuous
             ,
             and
             Zealous
             Constancy
             ,
             in
             walking
             strictly
             according
             to
             the
             Precepts
             of
             the
             Moral
             Law
             ;
             both
             negatively
             ,
             and
             possitively
             ,
             for
             the
             time
             to
             come
             .
             I
             was
             then
             under
             the
             Predominancy
             of
             a
             legal
             Spirit
             :
             and
             acting
             
             under
             the
             Covenant
             of
             Works
             :
             looking
             (
             with
             the
             Bond-Womans
             Children
             )
             for
             Justification
             ,
             and
             Life
             Eternal
             in
             the
             way
             of
             Works
             ;
             Reckoning
             it
             the
             only
             sure
             and
             safe
             way
             ,
             to
             expect
             Salvation
             :
             by
             performing
             the
             Conditinal
             Covenant
             of
             Works
             ;
             and
             abounding
             in
             such
             personal
             Qulifications
             as
             might
             render
             me
             acceptable
             to
             God.
             Of
             which
             (
             I
             have
             often
             thought
             )
             I
             had
             as
             great
             measure
             as
             any
             he
             ,
             I
             knew
             Living
             .
             I
             shall
             not
             Insist
             on
             the
             Particulars
             of
             those
             Inherent
             Qualifications
             ;
             wherein
             I
             am
             apt
             to
             believe
             ,
             I
             did
             match
             (
             if
             not
             out
             strip
             )
             the
             strictest
             Moralist
             I
             know
             ,
             who
             is
             yet
             in
             his
             Natural
             State.
             In
             short
             ,
             I
             was
             exceeding
             Zealous
             in
             the
             Law
             ;
             not
             (
             in
             the
             least
             )
             understanding
             the
             Spiritual
             meaning
             thereof
             ,
             or
             how
             miserably
             wretched
             I
             was
             ,
             by
             reason
             of
             its
             Condemning
             Sentence
             ,
             against
             not
             only
             my
             worst
             ,
             but
             also
             against
             my
             most
             Refined
             Acts
             of
             Morality
             .
             I
             did
             then
             ,
             as
             too
             to
             many
             do
             at
             this
             Day
             of
             Gospel
             Light
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             set
             up
             the
             Letter
             of
             the
             Law
             ,
             in
             opposition
             to
             the
             Spirit
             of
             the
             Law.
             
          
           
             But
             so
             it
             pleased
             God
             ,
             that
             by
             his
             enabling
             me
             to
             understand
             the
             Mind
             of
             his
             Spirit
             ,
             in
             that
             Text
             ;
             I
             soon
             became
             convinced
             ,
             that
             I
             had
             taken
             wrong
             Methods
             ,
             in
             order
             to
             get
             from
             under
             the
             Laws
             Curse
             ,
             
             and
             to
             have
             a
             Settled
             Peace
             in
             my self
             .
             The
             Course
             I
             had
             taken
             for
             Relieving
             my
             wounded
             and
             sinking
             Spirit
             ,
             I
             perceived
             to
             be
             directly
             contrary
             to
             the
             Gospel
             way
             ,
             of
             saveing
             lost
             Sinners
             .
             I
             was
             all
             for
             Doing
             and
             Working
             ;
             and
             the
             more
             Works
             I
             did
             ,
             the
             farther
             I
             found
             my self
             from
             true
             Peace
             and
             Comfort
             .
             My
             Chief
             and
             only
             Work
             (
             now
             )
             was
             Believing
             in
             the
             Son
             of
             God
             ,
             in
             whom
             (
             alone
             )
             that
             Righteousness
             is
             to
             be
             found
             ,
             which
             Reconciles
             a
             Sinner
             to
             an
             offended
             God.
             From
             that
             Text
             (
             above
             mentioned
             )
             the
             Covenant
             of
             God's
             Free
             Grace
             (
             in
             Christ
             )
             was
             Explained
             ,
             and
             laid
             open
             ,
             before
             the
             Eyes
             of
             my
             Enlightned
             Understanding
             :
             the
             Terms
             whereof
             (
             I
             found
             )
             were
             as
             far
             wide
             of
             (
             or
             contrary
             to
             )
             the
             way
             to
             which
             the
             Covenant
             of
             Works
             directs
             ,
             for
             attaining
             Life
             Eternal
             ,
             as
             the
             East
             is
             from
             the
             West
             ,
             or
             as
             Heaven
             is
             from
             Hell.
             
          
           
             The
             Work
             of
             the
             Spirit
             in
             discovering
             Christ
             to
             me
             (
             from
             that
             Text
             )
             and
             his
             drawing
             me
             to
             close
             with
             Christ
             (
             so
             discovered
             )
             was
             so
             ful
             of
             amazing
             ,
             and
             astonishing
             Wonderment
             ,
             and
             surprizing
             Ravishment
             of
             Soul
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             no
             mroe
             able
             to
             Express
             or
             Relate
             the
             same
             ,
             than
             I
             am
             able
             to
             find
             out
             the
             Dimensions
             of
             the
             Sun
             ,
             or
             to
             give
             an
             exact
             account
             of
             the
             Number
             of
             the
             Stars
             .
          
           
           
             There
             was
             held
             (
             as
             it
             were
             )
             a
             Court
             of
             Enquiry
             in
             my
             Soul.
             The
             Holy
             Ghost
             ,
             which
             (
             before
             )
             was
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             ,
             wounding
             and
             killing
             me
             ,
             by
             the
             Terrible
             Sentence
             of
             the
             Law.
             He
             is
             become
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             ,
             to
             Consummate
             a
             Sweet
             ,
             and
             Blessed
             Marriage
             ,
             between
             the
             Lord
             Jesus
             Christ
             ,
             (
             God's
             only
             Son
             ,
             by
             Eternal
             and
             Ineffable
             Generation
             )
             and
             a
             poor
             lost
             and
             undone
             Prodigal
             ,
             who
             (
             as
             
             Adam's
             Child
             )
             was
             Born
             Heir
             of
             the
             Curse
             ,
             Partaker
             of
             a
             Nature
             as
             Vile
             and
             Poluted
             ,
             as
             Hell
             it self
             could
             make
             it
             ;
             and
             whose
             Case
             and
             Condition
             (
             in
             respect
             of
             inward
             Horrour
             ,
             and
             Despair
             of
             Soul
             )
             differed
             but
             little
             (
             at
             least
             as
             I
             thought
             and
             believed
             )
             from
             that
             of
             the
             Damned
             in
             Hell.
             
          
           
             Six
             Things
             this
             Blessed
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             did
             effect
             ,
             in
             order
             to
             Consummate
             this
             Match
             .
          
           
             First
             ,
             He
             discovered
             and
             made
             known
             to
             me
             ,
             who
             the
             Lord
             Jesus
             (
             held
             forth
             in
             the
             Gospel
             )
             was
             ;
             from
             whence
             he
             came
             ;
             and
             to
             what
             end
             the
             Father
             sent
             him
             .
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             He
             made
             plain
             Discoveries
             to
             me
             ,
             of
             Christ's
             Almightiness
             to
             Save
             ,
             and
             Reconcile
             to
             God
             ,
             the
             worst
             and
             most
             wretched
             of
             Sinners
             :
             and
             that
             the
             Righteousness
             ,
             which
             (
             he
             as
             Mediator
             between
             God
             and
             Sinners
             )
             hath
             wrought
             ,
             is
             the
             alone
             
             Righteousness
             ,
             by
             which
             a
             Sinner
             is
             to
             be
             Saved
             .
             And
             that
             in
             a
             way
             of
             Believing
             (
             though
             not
             for
             Believing
             )
             that
             God
             ,
             for
             the
             sake
             ,
             and
             merrit
             of
             his
             Sons
             obedience
             ,
             to
             the
             Law
             ,
             (
             both
             Active
             and
             Passive
             )
             doth
             Frankly
             and
             Freely
             ,
             Pardon
             and
             Forgive
             the
             Poor
             Rebels
             Transgressions
             committed
             against
             the
             Moral
             Law
             ,
             as
             if
             he
             had
             never
             committed
             them
             ;
             and
             accounting
             the
             whole
             of
             that
             Righteousness
             of
             Christ
             ,
             (
             both
             Active
             and
             Passive
             )
             as
             truly
             the
             Sinners
             ;
             as
             if
             the
             Sinner
             had
             (
             Personally
             )
             performed
             the
             same
             himself
             ;
             and
             that
             in
             a
             way
             of
             free
             Imputation
             .
          
           
             Thirdly
             ,
             He
             perswaded
             my
             Heart
             ,
             that
             God
             the
             Father
             ,
             (
             against
             whose
             Law
             I
             had
             Sinned
             ,
             and
             whose
             Anger
             and
             Curse
             (
             for
             the
             same
             )
             I
             fear'd
             )
             was
             really
             willing
             and
             desirous
             ,
             that
             I
             should
             be
             Reconciled
             to
             himself
             ,
             by
             the
             Virtue
             of
             his
             Sons
             Mediation
             ;
             and
             that
             by
             my
             betaking
             my self
             to
             him
             ;
             and
             casting
             my
             weary
             and
             sinking
             Soul
             on
             him
             ,
             to
             be
             introduced
             into
             his
             Presence
             ;
             and
             by
             his
             Spotless
             Comeliness
             (
             put
             on
             me
             )
             I
             might
             be
             made
             Amiable
             ,
             and
             Acceptable
             in
             his
             Sight
             .
          
           
             Fourthly
             ,
             He
             Discovered
             to
             me
             ,
             (
             and
             Perswaded
             my
             Hearts
             of
             )
             the
             Full
             ,
             and
             Compleat
             Provision
             ,
             made
             by
             God
             ,
             (
             and
             made
             known
             in
             the
             Covenant
             of
             Grace
             
             for
             the
             making
             Compleatly
             (
             and
             Eternally
             )
             Happy
             ,
             those
             Souls
             who
             are
             by
             Christ
             his
             Son
             (
             Believed
             ,
             and
             Relied
             on
             for
             Salvation
             )
             Reconciled
             to
             his
             Majesty
             .
          
           
             In
             Respect
             of
             these
             ,
             and
             the
             like
             Discoveries
             ,
             which
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             makes
             to
             the
             Elect
             (
             in
             effectual
             Calling
             .
             )
             And
             between
             that
             and
             their
             Arriving
             at
             Glory
             ,
             he
             is
             Stiled
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Manifestation
             ,
             and
             of
             Revelation
             .
             1
             
               Cor.
               12.
               7.
               
               Jo.
               16.
               14.
               
               Jo.
               17.
               6.
               
               Ephes
               .
            
             1.
             17.
             
          
           
             Fifthly
             ,
             He
             Interrogated
             ,
             (
             or
             Queried
             )
             of
             my
             Soul
             ,
             as
             follows
             .
          
           
             1.
             
             Art
             thou
             become
             truly
             and
             thoroughly
             sensible
             ,
             and
             convinced
             that
             thou
             art
             ,
             by
             Departing
             from
             (
             and
             Sinning
             against
             )
             God
             ,
             an
             undone
             ,
             miserable
             ,
             and
             guilty
             Creature
             ;
             having
             lost
             his
             Blessed
             Image
             stamped
             on
             thee
             ,
             in
             Adam
             thy
             Natural
             and
             Faederal
             Head
             ,
             in
             the
             First
             Creation
             .
             And
             being
             now
             become
             obnoxious
             to
             God's
             Curse
             ,
             and
             the
             Wrath
             to
             come
             ,
             and
             Partaker
             of
             such
             a
             Spiritual
             Impotency
             ,
             as
             Renders
             thee
             (
             utterly
             )
             uncapable
             ,
             of
             doing
             any
             thing
             ,
             whereby
             thou
             mayst
             be
             Delivered
             out
             of
             thy
             present
             folorn
             condition
             :
             Art
             thou
             Conviuced
             ,
             that
             this
             thy
             Misery
             ,
             is
             of
             thy
             own
             bringing
             upon
             thee
             ?
          
           
           
             
               Sinner
               Answers
            
             .
             O
             thou
             Most
             Holy
             ,
             Just
             ,
             and
             Tremenduous
             God!
             By
             the
             Light
             now
             Sprung
             from
             thee
             ,
             (
             the
             Fountain
             of
             all
             Light
             )
             into
             my
             Dungeon-like
             Soul
             :
             I
             plainly
             see
             what
             a
             wretch
             I
             am
             become
             ,
             no
             way
             like
             what
             thou
             (
             at
             first
             )
             made
             me
             ,
             in
             Adam
             .
             I
             am
             likewise
             fully
             Convinced
             ,
             that
             this
             my
             Misery
             ,
             was
             brought
             on
             me
             ,
             by
             my
             (
             every
             way
             )
             voluntary
             Defection
             ,
             and
             Apostacy
             ,
             when
             (
             in
             
             Adam's
             Loins
             )
             I
             first
             yielded
             to
             the
             Motion
             of
             the
             Tempter
             .
          
           
             2.
             
             Art
             thou
             Convinced
             of
             what
             the
             real
             Desert
             and
             Merit
             of
             thy
             Sinning
             against
             a
             Holy
             and
             Righteous
             God
             is
             ?
             What
             canst
             thou
             say
             against
             Gods
             Casting
             thee
             into
             Hell
             :
             for
             that
             Hellish
             Rebelon
             of
             thine
             ,
             against
             his
             Holy
             and
             Righteous
             Law
             ?
          
           
             
               Sin.
               Ans
            
             .
             O
             thou
             Most
             Holy
             ;
             and
             Everlastingly
             Righteous
             God
             ,
             who
             canst
             not
             possibly
             Act
             amiss
             ,
             in
             any
             thing
             thou
             dost
             ,
             with
             thy
             Creatures
             .
             I
             am
             (
             by
             the
             Convincing
             Power
             of
             thy
             Holy
             Spirit
             )
             made
             Sensible
             ,
             that
             by
             my
             Departing
             from
             ,
             and
             Rebelling
             against
             thy
             Majesty
             ,
             I
             have
             forfeited
             that
             Right
             ,
             I
             had
             (
             in
             Adam
             )
             to
             all
             Good
             ,
             Spiritual
             and
             Temporal
             .
             And
             shouldst
             thou
             Cast
             me
             into
             Hell
             ,
             and
             Assign
             me
             my
             Portion
             ,
             with
             the
             Apostate
             Angels
             ,
             whose
             Conduct
             and
             wretched
             Example
             I
             followed
             ,
             when
             I
             turned
             my
             Back
             on
             thee
             ,
             
             thou
             art
             ,
             and
             wilt
             (
             for
             ever
             )
             be
             ,
             and
             remain
             ;
             a
             Just
             ,
             a
             Holy
             ,
             and
             a
             Most
             Righteous
             God
             my
             Misery
             is
             of
             my
             own
             Procurement
             ;
             and
             so
             far
             am
             I
             from
             reflecting
             on
             thee
             (
             as
             unjust
             )
             shouldst
             thou
             throw
             me
             from
             thee
             ,
             for
             ever
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             amaz'd
             and
             astonished
             to
             think
             ,
             I
             should
             be
             so
             long
             out
             of
             Hell.
             The
             Place
             where
             I
             (
             sometimes
             )
             evenlong'd
             to
             be
             ,
             to
             try
             whether
             there
             was
             any
             specifical
             Difference
             ,
             between
             the
             Torments
             and
             Miseries
             of
             that
             Place
             ,
             and
             what
             I
             felt
             in
             my self
             ,
             while
             shut
             up
             in
             thy
             Laws
             Prison
             ,
             under
             the
             sharp
             and
             killing
             Pedagogie
             thereof
             .
          
           
             3.
             
             Hast
             thou
             Viewed
             and
             taken
             notice
             of
             that
             Mediator
             ,
             which
             I
             have
             proposed
             and
             discovered
             to
             thee
             ,
             in
             the
             Gospel
             ?
             Dost
             thou
             think
             ,
             or
             ,
             canst
             thou
             be
             perswaded
             ,
             that
             he
             can
             do
             thy
             Work
             for
             thee
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             Save
             thee
             ,
             from
             Curse
             and
             Wrath
             to
             come
             ?
             and
             not
             only
             so
             ,
             but
             to
             Restore
             thee
             ,
             and
             bring
             thee
             back
             again
             to
             the
             Favour
             and
             Fellowship
             of
             God
             ?
             Dost
             thou
             see
             in
             him
             ,
             an
             Adequate
             ,
             suitableness
             to
             Answer
             all
             thy
             Necessities
             ?
          
           
             
               Sinner
               Answers
            
             .
             O
             Lord
             !
             My
             Eyes
             are
             so
             intent
             and
             fix'd
             on
             that
             Mediator
             ,
             that
             I
             can
             have
             no
             leisure
             ,
             or
             spare
             time
             ,
             to
             look
             on
             any
             other
             object
             in
             Heaven
             ,
             or
             Earth
             ;
             never
             did
             ,
             (
             neither
             can
             )
             Men
             or
             Angels
             ,
             behold
             or
             see
             ,
             such
             an
             object
             ,
             except
             himself
             .
             The
             Angels
             ,
             
             and
             all
             the
             Glory
             of
             the
             whole
             Creation
             ,
             are
             but
             Darkness
             and
             Deformity
             ,
             when
             compared
             ,
             to
             his
             Surpassing
             and
             Incomparable
             Amiableness
             ,
             and
             Loveliness
             ,
             since
             I
             had
             the
             first
             glimps
             of
             him
             ;
             as
             held
             forth
             and
             discovered
             ,
             by
             thy
             Divine
             and
             Efficacious
             Manifestation
             .
             I
             have
             forgotten
             my
             Misery
             ;
             and
             the
             fearful
             Thoughts
             of
             Hell
             ,
             and
             Damnation
             ,
             are
             swallowed
             up
             ,
             of
             the
             Thoughts
             and
             Apprehensions
             I
             have
             of
             his
             suitableness
             ,
             to
             Answer
             the
             necessitous
             Condition
             of
             such
             a
             Sinner
             as
             I
             am
             .
          
           
             4.
             
             Hast
             thou
             Viewed
             ,
             and
             Observed
             him
             so
             ,
             as
             to
             like
             him
             ,
             and
             choose
             him
             ,
             for
             thy
             Reconciler
             and
             Saviour
             ?
             What
             sayest
             thou
             Poor
             Sinner
             !
             Wilt
             thou
             have
             him
             ,
             for
             thine
             own
             ?
             'T
             is
             Personal
             Propriety
             in
             him
             ,
             that
             makes
             the
             Thoughts
             ,
             and
             Sight
             of
             him
             Ravishing
             ,
             and
             Enriching
             for
             ever
             .
          
           
             
               Sinner
               Answers
            
             ,
             O
             Tremendous
             ,
             and
             Astonishing
             Mystery
             !
             of
             Divine
             Grace
             ,
             in
             sending
             forth
             (
             from
             the
             Father
             ,
             and
             the
             Son
             )
             that
             Holy
             Spirit
             of
             Promise
             ;
             that
             by
             his
             Illuminating
             Virtue
             ,
             and
             quickening
             Power
             ,
             I
             might
             have
             such
             a
             saving
             Sight
             ,
             of
             Christ
             ,
             the
             Saviour
             ;
             as
             should
             both
             beget
             in
             me
             ,
             a
             likeing
             to
             his
             Person
             ,
             and
             likewise
             cause
             in
             me
             ,
             a
             burning
             desire
             to
             be
             Vnited
             ,
             and
             Married
             to
             him
             :
             I
             am
             indeed
             sick
             of
             Love
             to
             him
             ;
             and
             
             filled
             with
             such
             desires
             ,
             after
             him
             ,
             as
             nothing
             short
             of
             a
             Mystical
             Vnion
             ,
             to
             his
             Most
             Holy
             and
             Glorious
             Person
             ;
             can
             satisfy
             my
             thirsting
             Soul.
             
          
           
             5.
             
             Art
             thou
             willing
             that
             this
             Mediator
             ,
             shall
             have
             the
             whole
             Honour
             of
             Saving
             thee
             ,
             by
             his
             own
             Mediatorial
             Righteousness
             .
             For
             ,
             As
             no
             Righteousness
             (
             of
             a
             meer
             Creature
             )
             can
             stand
             before
             the
             Bar
             ,
             of
             Gods
             Infinite
             ,
             and
             Incomprehensible
             Holiness
             ;
             and
             to
             abide
             such
             a
             Tryal
             ,
             as
             to
             be
             Judged
             fit
             and
             sufficient
             ,
             to
             Justifie
             a
             Sinner
             ,
             before
             God
             ,
             (
             seeing
             that
             the
             Righteousness
             to
             which
             such
             Honour
             is
             Reserved
             ,
             and
             Assigned
             ,
             must
             be
             the
             Righteousness
             of
             God.
             And
             also
             the
             Righteousness
             of
             a
             sinless
             Man
             )
             so
             this
             Mediator
             will
             become
             a
             Saviour
             to
             none
             who
             will
             mix
             ,
             (
             or
             join
             )
             any
             thing
             of
             their
             own
             ,
             or
             other
             Creatures
             ,
             with
             his
             Immaculate
             ,
             and
             All-sufficient
             Righteousness
             .
             The
             whole
             and
             entire
             Work
             of
             Reconciling
             ,
             and
             Saving
             Sinners
             ,
             is
             Devolv'd
             on
             him
             alone
             .
             He
             will
             admit
             of
             no
             Competitor
             ,
             in
             this
             Work
             ,
             to
             which
             the
             Father
             hath
             Called
             and
             Anointed
             him
             .
             And
             the
             which
             he
             himself
             (
             as
             Vademony
             ,
             and
             Surety
             for
             God's
             Elect
             )
             hath
             undertaken
             to
             go
             through
             and
             Perform
             .
             What
             sayest
             thou
             Sinner
             ?
             Art
             thou
             willing
             to
             this
             ?
          
           
             
               Sin.
               Ans
            
             .
             O
             thou
             Holy
             of
             Holy's
             !
             I
             see
             ,
             and
             find
             so
             little
             need
             ,
             of
             joyning
             any
             Righteousness
             
             of
             my
             own
             ,
             or
             other
             Creatures
             to
             the
             Compleat
             and
             Perfect
             Righteousness
             of
             this
             Mediator
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             resolved
             to
             look
             no
             where
             else
             for
             a
             Righteousness
             whereby
             to
             be
             Justified
             ,
             and
             Saved
             .
             I
             am
             fully
             Convinced
             ,
             that
             as
             he
             needs
             no
             Coadjutor
             ,
             to
             help
             him
             out
             ,
             in
             this
             Work
             of
             Saving
             Sinners
             (
             seeing
             he
             is
             the
             Holy
             and
             Almighty
             one
             of
             God
             :
             able
             to
             Save
             to
             the
             uttermost
             )
             So
             I
             see
             nothing
             like
             a
             Legal
             Righteousness
             ,
             which
             can
             Answer
             the
             Demand
             of
             the
             strict
             and
             Righteous
             Law
             of
             God
             ;
             either
             in
             my self
             ;
             or
             any
             other
             (
             meer
             Creature
             )
             whatsoever
             .
             Whatever
             ,
             therefore
             is
             (
             or
             can
             be
             )
             Suggested
             or
             Objected
             ,
             by
             the
             Devil
             or
             Carnal
             Reason
             ,
             against
             this
             Righteousness
             of
             his
             ,
             (
             as
             Insufficient
             to
             Save
             )
             I
             am
             (
             by
             Strength
             from
             above
             )
             fixedly
             Resolved
             ,
             to
             cast
             my
             Weary
             Bleeding
             Soul
             thereon
             ,
             come
             Life
             ,
             come
             Death
             .
          
           
             6.
             
             There
             is
             a
             thing
             called
             the
             Cross
             ,
             which
             thou
             must
             expect
             ,
             and
             look
             to
             meet
             with
             ,
             if
             thou
             resolve
             to
             Live
             and
             Reign
             with
             Christ
             in
             Heaven
             hereafter
             .
             Thou
             must
             look
             to
             Part
             with
             all
             that
             (
             in
             this
             World
             )
             is
             Near
             and
             Dear
             to
             thee
             ,
             for
             his
             sake
             ,
             and
             the
             Gospels
             .
             Thou
             must
             Sacrifice
             thy
             Reputation
             and
             Credit
             ,
             among
             Men.
             Thou
             must
             become
             willing
             to
             be
             accounted
             a
             Fool
             ,
             a
             Madman
             ,
             a
             Turbulent
             Fellow
             ,
             an
             Enemy
             to
             Caesar
             ,
             a
             Separatist
             from
             the
             
             Church
             .
             Thou
             must
             not
             think
             (
             or
             look
             )
             to
             be
             advanced
             to
             Worldly
             Wealth
             ,
             and
             Honour
             :
             If
             thou
             tread
             ,
             in
             those
             Steps
             (
             of
             Christ
             )
             which
             leads
             to
             the
             Heavenly
             Glory
             .
             He
             went
             to
             Heaven
             :
             Antipodes
             to
             this
             vain
             World
             ,
             wherein
             thou
             art
             :
             So
             must
             thou
             ,
             if
             thou
             desirest
             to
             meet
             him
             in
             Heaven
             .
             Thou
             must
             expect
             ,
             and
             look
             to
             have
             all
             the
             World
             set
             against
             thee
             ,
             for
             thy
             Witnessing
             to
             the
             Truth
             ,
             and
             condemning
             the
             Errors
             ,
             and
             Wickedness
             of
             the
             World.
             Thou
             must
             expect
             ,
             and
             look
             to
             be
             Cast
             off
             ,
             by
             Father
             and
             all
             Fleshly
             Relations
             ,
             for
             his
             (
             and
             the
             Gospels
             )
             sake
             .
             Thou
             wilt
             (
             for
             following
             Christ
             ,
             in
             the
             ways
             of
             Holiness
             )
             be
             accounted
             an
             Hypocrite
             ,
             a
             self
             conceited
             ,
             and
             a
             self
             Justifying
             Precisian
             ,
             and
             proud
             Pharisee
             ;
             and
             that
             by
             the
             greatest
             Pharisees
             of
             the
             Times
             .
             The
             Powers
             of
             Darkness
             will
             all
             Combine
             against
             thee
             ,
             to
             Besiege
             and
             Fight
             against
             thee
             :
             And
             yea
             ,
             the
             very
             Face
             of
             Providence
             shall
             seem
             to
             Frown
             and
             look
             black
             on
             thee
             ;
             to
             try
             ,
             whether
             thou
             wilt
             stick
             faithfully
             ,
             to
             Christ
             ,
             and
             the
             Gospel
             .
             And
             ,
             finally
             ,
             If
             God
             call
             thee
             to
             leave
             all
             ;
             and
             rather
             to
             lay
             down
             thy
             Life
             ;
             than
             to
             leave
             ,
             and
             lose
             Christ
             :
             Thou
             must
             Trample
             them
             all
             under
             thy
             Feet
             ,
             preferring
             Christ
             before
             Father
             ,
             Mother
             ,
             Brethren
             ,
             Wife
             and
             Children
             ,
             (
             tho
             never
             so
             Dearly
             Belov'd
             )
             yea
             ,
             
             and
             thy
             very
             Life
             too
             .
             What
             sayest
             thou
             to
             this
             Sinner
             ?
             wilt
             thou
             venture
             on
             having
             or
             taking
             Christ
             ,
             on
             these
             Terms
             ?
          
           
             
               Sin.
               Ans
            
             .
             For
             ever
             Blessed
             and
             Holy
             Lord
             God!
             Thou
             knowest
             how
             hard
             this
             Task
             is
             for
             Flesh
             and
             Blood
             ;
             and
             not
             only
             hard
             ,
             but
             even
             Impossible
             :
             yet
             considering
             the
             absolute
             Necessity
             of
             the
             Choice
             ,
             now
             laid
             before
             me
             ;
             and
             in
             regard
             of
             that
             Divine
             Power
             ,
             whereby
             I
             find
             my
             Heart
             made
             willing
             ,
             to
             make
             Choice
             of
             Christ
             ,
             on
             the
             Terms
             (
             now
             )
             mentioned
             .
             I
             desire
             to
             Choose
             and
             have
             him
             ,
             let
             God
             do
             with
             me
             ,
             and
             all
             that
             is
             Dear
             to
             me
             ,
             what
             he
             Pleaseth
             ,
             so
             he
             give
             me
             his
             Christ
             :
             I
             am
             so
             apprehensive
             of
             the
             Sweet
             and
             Soul
             Enriching
             Advantages
             ,
             which
             accompany
             the
             Cross
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             very
             unwilling
             to
             be
             Exempted
             from
             it
             ,
             if
             I
             may
             have
             my
             own
             Choice
             .
             I
             therefore
             ,
             (
             through
             the
             Divine
             Spirits
             Gracious
             Power
             enabling
             me
             hereto
             ,
             do
             yield
             my
             free
             and
             full
             consent
             ,
             to
             this
             matchless
             Match
             :
             Casting
             my self
             on
             him
             (
             when
             actually
             Married
             to
             him
             ,
             in
             a
             way
             of
             humble
             dependance
             )
             for
             Strength
             and
             Power
             ,
             to
             Act
             and
             Suffer
             (
             a
             in
             way
             of
             Duty
             )
             whatever
             becomes
             his
             Disciple
             and
             Follower
             .
             And
             ,
             oh
             !
             that
             God
             above
             (
             with
             Christ
             and
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             )
             might
             say
             ,
             Amen
             to
             it
             .
          
           
             Matters
             being
             thus
             Proposed
             (
             by
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             )
             and
             I
             ,
             the
             worst
             ,
             and
             most
             unworthy
             of
             Sinners
             (
             to
             be
             Saved
             ;
             )
             being
             
             endued
             ,
             with
             Power
             (
             from
             him
             )
             to
             close
             with
             the
             Proposals
             made
             .
             I
             (
             immediately
             )
             felt
             my
             whole
             Heart
             ,
             and
             Soul
             ,
             quickned
             within
             me
             ,
             and
             drawn
             out
             to
             an
             effectual
             closing
             with
             Christ
             ,
             in
             the
             offers
             of
             the
             Gospel
             .
             Like
             a
             Ship
             sticking
             in
             the
             Sand
             ,
             which
             no
             Strenght
             or
             Art
             of
             Men
             ,
             can
             set
             a
             Float
             ,
             till
             the
             full
             Spring
             Tide
             come
             ,
             and
             set
             her
             a
             Float
             ,
             carrying
             her
             forth
             into
             the
             Broad
             Ocean
             .
             The
             quickening
             Virtue
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             ,
             and
             the
             Attracting
             Power
             of
             the
             Lord
             Jesus
             ,
             drew
             me
             to
             believe
             in
             him
             .
             My
             Soul
             Crying
             out
             (
             with
             a
             silent
             and
             a
             still
             Voice
             )
             my
             Lord
             ,
             and
             my
             God
             ;
             thou
             art
             mine
             ,
             to
             Save
             me
             ;
             and
             I
             am
             thine
             ,
             to
             Serve
             thee
             .
             Hereupon
             ,
             I
             felt
             (
             as
             it
             were
             )
             another
             Spirit
             put
             into
             me
             ,
             whereby
             I
             was
             enabled
             ,
             to
             understand
             ,
             and
             know
             ,
             the
             design
             of
             the
             great
             God
             ,
             in
             causing
             so
             great
             a
             Change
             ,
             to
             pass
             upon
             me
             .
          
           
             The
             Holy
             Ghost
             (
             within
             me
             )
             Witnessing
             to
             his
             own
             Work
             (
             now
             wrought
             in
             my
             Soul.
             )
             And
             Sealing
             me
             to
             the
             Day
             of
             Redemption
             (
             in
             Believing
             ,
             )
             I
             felt
             a
             Torrent
             of
             unspeakable
             Joy
             ,
             come
             from
             above
             ,
             flowing
             in
             upon
             me
             ,
             in
             such
             manner
             ,
             and
             measure
             ,
             as
             I
             believe
             no
             Saint
             ,
             or
             Angel
             in
             Heaven
             ,
             can
             set
             forth
             or
             express
             ,
             as
             I
             felt
             it
             .
          
           
             Hereupon
             ,
             I
             fell
             into
             an
             Holy
             Extasie
             ,
             and
             Divine
             Rapture
             ,
             of
             unexpressible
             Joy
             ,
             with
             
             these
             Thoughts
             and
             Expressions
             within
             my self
             .
          
           
             Oh!
             What
             a
             Change
             is
             this
             which
             I
             now
             (
             sensibly
             )
             feel
             ?
             A
             Dead
             Sinner
             brought
             to
             Life
             again
             ;
             a
             Rebel
             and
             a
             Fugitive
             from
             God
             ;
             brought
             Home
             ,
             and
             Reconciled
             ,
             by
             the
             Blood
             of
             the
             Lamb.
             A
             Prisoner
             ,
             and
             a
             Captive
             ,
             held
             so
             long
             under
             the
             killing
             Terrors
             of
             the
             Law
             ;
             and
             unmerciful
             Usurpations
             ,
             and
             Infernal
             Assaults
             ,
             of
             the
             Powers
             of
             Darkness
             ,
             set
             Free
             ;
             and
             Manumitted
             by
             the
             Deliverer
             of
             Gods
             Elect.
             
          
           
             An
             undone
             forlorn
             Sinner
             ,
             shut
             up
             under
             the
             Power
             of
             Vnbelief
             ;
             who
             (
             a
             while
             since
             )
             would
             shun
             and
             fly
             from
             God
             (
             if
             he
             knew
             how
             )
             for
             fear
             of
             his
             Frowns
             ;
             and
             the
             Curse
             due
             ,
             for
             the
             breach
             of
             his
             Law
             :
             Now
             ready
             to
             shoot
             himself
             into
             Heaven
             ,
             and
             Whimper
             ,
             and
             Cry
             (
             like
             a
             Child
             )
             till
             he
             be
             Lodged
             in
             the
             Bosom
             of
             God's
             Love.
             
          
           
             Oh!
             My
             Soul
             !
             Who
             could
             have
             thought
             of
             this
             !
             When
             the
             Irons
             of
             the
             Laws
             Severity
             ,
             had
             pierced
             thee
             so
             deeply
             ?
             And
             when
             the
             Apprehensions
             (
             lodg'd
             in
             thee
             )
             of
             thy
             
             being
             a
             Reprobate
             ,
             and
             forsaken
             of
             God
             ,
             deliver'd
             thee
             up
             to
             Desparation
             ?
             The
             very
             Portal
             or
             Entrance
             into
             Hell
             it self
             .
             Where
             am
             I
             ?
             What
             is
             the
             Matter
             ?
             What
             am
             I
             doing
             ?
             What
             such
             a
             one
             as
             I
             Saved
             ?
             Is
             it
             possible
             ?
             Can
             it
             be
             ?
             Am
             I
             not
             under
             a
             Satanical
             Dream
             ,
             or
             Delusion
             ?
             Lord
             help
             me
             ,
             to
             know
             if
             it
             be
             a
             Delusion
             ,
             and
             undeceive
             me
             .
          
           
             Here
             I
             was
             at
             a
             stand
             for
             (
             but
             )
             a
             little
             space
             ;
             it
             was
             occasioned
             by
             my
             calling
             to
             Mind
             ,
             what
             a
             deceitful
             Enemy
             the
             Devil
             is
             ;
             and
             how
             near
             he
             can
             go
             in
             imitating
             the
             Spirit
             of
             God
             ;
             in
             causing
             flashes
             of
             Joy
             in
             the
             Soul
             ,
             of
             an
             Awakened
             Sinner
             .
             And
             thinking
             (
             at
             the
             same
             time
             )
             whether
             mine
             was
             not
             so
             ?
          
           
             The
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             ,
             who
             began
             his
             Good
             and
             Blessed
             Work
             in
             my
             Soul
             ;
             did
             not
             leave
             me
             in
             this
             Cloud
             .
             But
             by
             his
             own
             Elucidating
             ,
             and
             Heart
             Searching
             Virtue
             ,
             and
             Power
             :
             brings
             to
             my
             Thoughts
             ,
             and
             Consideration
             ,
             all
             the
             Objections
             ,
             which
             either
             Devil
             or
             Carnal
             Reason
             ,
             could
             (
             possibly
             )
             make
             against
             my
             being
             Saved
             by
             Christ
             ;
             and
             by
             manifesting
             the
             Fathers
             Decree
             and
             Purpose
             (
             concerning
             me
             )
             in
             Eternity
             .
             And
             laying
             open
             the
             Nature
             and
             Design
             of
             the
             Covenant
             of
             Grace
             .
             And
             the
             every
             
             way
             Alsufficiency
             of
             the
             Lord
             Jesus
             ,
             to
             go
             through
             with
             the
             Work
             he
             hath
             undertaken
             for
             me
             .
             He
             fully
             Answered
             all
             Objections
             ,
             and
             Confuted
             the
             False
             and
             Sophistial
             Reasonings
             ,
             brought
             in
             by
             Satan
             ;
             and
             Corrupt
             Reason
             ,
             against
             my
             being
             Saved
             .
             As
             he
             most
             Powerfully
             convinced
             me
             of
             Sin.
             And
             the
             misery
             which
             (
             thereby
             )
             I
             brought
             upon
             my self
             .
             And
             that
             when
             he
             became
             a
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             ,
             to
             fit
             me
             for
             the
             Great
             Physitian
             :
             So
             likewise
             (
             now
             )
             he
             is
             become
             a
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             ;
             he
             as
             Powerfully
             convinced
             me
             ,
             of
             that
             Spotless
             and
             Everlasting
             Righteousness
             ;
             of
             the
             Mediator
             (
             God-Man
             ,
             )
             by
             (
             and
             for
             )
             which
             I
             was
             Justified
             in
             the
             Person
             of
             my
             Surety
             ,
             when
             (
             at
             his
             Resurrection
             )
             God
             the
             Father
             Justified
             and
             Acquitted
             him
             ,
             from
             all
             charge
             of
             Sin
             ,
             whereto
             he
             became
             liable
             and
             obnoxious
             ,
             when
             he
             Struck
             Hands
             with
             the
             Father
             ,
             (
             as
             a
             Surety
             )
             for
             me
             ;
             and
             the
             rest
             of
             the
             Elect.
             
          
           
             The
             Twelve
             Things
             here
             following
             ,
             he
             (
             Particularly
             )
             assured
             me
             of
             ;
             and
             that
             as
             fully
             and
             sensibly
             ,
             as
             ever
             I
             was
             sensible
             ,
             that
             I
             saw
             Natural
             Light
             ,
             or
             Darkness
             .
          
           
             1.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             that
             I
             was
             one
             of
             that
             Number
             ,
             whom
             God
             the
             Father
             Elected
             ,
             and
             Chose
             to
             himself
             (
             in
             Christ
             )
             out
             of
             the
             Corrupted
             Mass
             ,
             of
             Fallen
             Mankind
             .
             And
             
             that
             before
             Time
             began
             ;
             and
             that
             my
             Name
             was
             Recorded
             in
             Heaven
             ,
             in
             the
             Lambs
             Book
             of
             Life
             .
          
           
             2.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             my
             Sins
             and
             Transgressions
             (
             committed
             against
             the
             Law
             and
             Majesty
             of
             Heaven
             )
             were
             all
             laid
             to
             the
             Score
             of
             Christ
             ,
             by
             God
             the
             Father
             .
             And
             by
             him
             (
             as
             my
             Vademony
             ,
             and
             Surety
             )
             Born
             and
             Satisfied
             for
             .
          
           
             3.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             the
             Debt
             which
             I
             had
             Contracted
             ,
             both
             in
             Adam
             (
             my
             Natural
             and
             Faederal
             Head
             )
             and
             in
             my
             own
             Person
             ;
             was
             fully
             Paid
             ,
             and
             (
             Actually
             )
             Discharged
             ,
             by
             my
             Sponsor
             ,
             and
             Surety
             ,
             Christ
             :
             by
             his
             Obeying
             and
             Keeping
             the
             Law
             (
             perfectly
             )
             for
             me
             :
             and
             his
             bearing
             ,
             and
             undergoing
             (
             in
             my
             Nature
             )
             the
             Curse
             and
             Wrath
             of
             God
             ;
             to
             which
             (
             by
             Sin
             )
             I
             became
             Obnoxious
             .
          
           
             4.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             God
             the
             Father
             ,
             is
             fully
             Satisfied
             ,
             with
             that
             Obedience
             (
             Active
             and
             Passive
             )
             of
             his
             own
             Son
             :
             and
             that
             it
             is
             ,
             for
             the
             Worth
             and
             Merit
             of
             that
             Obedience
             ,
             that
             God
             Justifies
             and
             Accepts
             (
             as
             Pleasing
             to
             him
             )
             both
             me
             ,
             and
             the
             rest
             of
             his
             Elect
             ,
             for
             whom
             (
             alone
             )
             that
             Obedience
             was
             Performed
             .
          
           
             5.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             all
             my
             Sins
             (
             how
             many
             ,
             and
             great
             soever
             )
             are
             Frankly
             and
             Freely
             Forgiven
             ,
             and
             Pardoned
             ,
             as
             if
             they
             
             had
             never
             been
             committed
             :
             and
             that
             ,
             not
             for
             any
             Act
             done
             by
             me
             ,
             whether
             Believing
             on
             Christ
             ,
             or
             Repenting
             for
             Sin
             :
             nor
             yet
             ,
             for
             the
             Sorrows
             and
             Miseries
             I
             underwent
             while
             under
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             :
             or
             for
             any
             Service
             ,
             to
             which
             I
             should
             be
             Called
             ,
             while
             in
             a
             Militant
             State
             :
             but
             for
             his
             own
             Name
             ,
             and
             Glory
             sake
             ;
             and
             on
             the
             Account
             of
             what
             his
             Son
             (
             my
             Mediator
             and
             Surety
             )
             had
             done
             and
             suffered
             in
             my
             behalf
             .
          
           
             6.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             God
             the
             Father
             Loved
             me
             ,
             with
             a
             Real
             and
             an
             Endeared
             Love
             ;
             before
             I
             was
             Called
             out
             of
             a
             State
             of
             Nature
             .
             And
             that
             the
             Reason
             why
             he
             handled
             me
             so
             roughly
             (
             by
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             )
             was
             not
             ,
             because
             he
             hated
             me
             ,
             (
             as
             the
             Devil
             and
             Carnal
             Reason
             suggested
             .
             )
             Or
             ,
             that
             he
             might
             (
             in
             any
             measure
             satisfy
             his
             Vindicative
             Justice
             ,
             for
             my
             Sins
             :
             that
             being
             done
             (
             long
             )
             before
             I
             had
             a
             Personal
             Being
             .
             But
             that
             he
             might
             make
             me
             the
             more
             sensible
             how
             hateful
             Sin
             is
             to
             him
             (
             being
             so
             Contrary
             to
             his
             Pure
             ,
             Spotless
             ,
             and
             Blessed
             Nature
             :
             and
             so
             Repugnant
             and
             Contradictory
             to
             his
             Holy
             ,
             Just
             ,
             and
             most
             Righteous
             Law.
             As
             also
             ,
             so
             Destructive
             to
             his
             Elect
             ,
             whom
             he
             so
             Dearly
             Loves
             .
             Also
             ,
             that
             I
             might
             know
             ,
             and
             become
             (
             for
             ever
             )
             sensible
             ,
             how
             unspeakably
             Wretched
             and
             
             Deplorable
             that
             State
             and
             Condition
             is
             ;
             into
             which
             (
             by
             Sin
             )
             Man
             hath
             brought
             himself
             :
             and
             out
             of
             which
             ,
             no
             Created
             Power
             could
             (
             possibly
             )
             Save
             ,
             and
             Deliver
             him
             .
             That
             I
             might
             (
             for
             ever
             )
             hate
             and
             loath
             Sin
             (
             as
             the
             worst
             of
             Evils
             )
             and
             become
             (
             for
             ever
             )
             sensible
             ,
             of
             the
             Greatness
             ,
             Goodness
             ,
             Love
             ,
             Mercy
             ,
             Wisdom
             ,
             and
             the
             unconceivable
             ,
             and
             Infinite
             All-sufficiency
             of
             the
             Glorious
             ,
             and
             Tremendous
             Jehovah
             ,
             Father
             ,
             Son
             ,
             and
             Blessed
             Spirit
             ;
             who
             himself
             (
             without
             the
             Counsel
             ,
             or
             help
             of
             Creatures
             )
             hath
             contrived
             ,
             and
             found
             out
             ,
             such
             a
             way
             of
             Restoring
             (
             to
             his
             lost
             Favour
             )
             his
             Elect
             ,
             and
             Chosen
             in
             Christ
             :
             as
             neither
             they
             themselves
             ,
             nor
             the
             Angels
             could
             ever
             think
             of
             .
             And
             (
             finally
             )
             that
             by
             his
             so
             sharply
             handleing
             me
             ,
             way
             may
             be
             made
             (
             into
             my
             Soul
             )
             for
             the
             Manifestation
             of
             his
             Great
             and
             Unexpressible
             Love
             (
             wherewith
             he
             Loves
             me
             )
             in
             Christ
             )
             to
             Enter
             and
             make
             its
             Abode
             for
             ever
             .
             And
             that
             from
             the
             Experience
             ,
             I
             have
             now
             gotten
             ,
             both
             by
             God's
             Wounding
             me
             by
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             ;
             and
             his
             Healing
             and
             Comforting
             me
             ,
             by
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             .
             I
             might
             be
             fitted
             ,
             to
             speak
             (
             Experimentally
             )
             both
             to
             the
             Terrifying
             and
             Awakening
             Secure
             and
             Presumptuous
             Sinners
             .
             As
             also
             ,
             to
             Heal
             and
             Comfort
             ,
             (
             Instrumentally
             )
             Poor
             Wounded
             and
             Bleeding
             
             Sinners
             ,
             when
             Sinking
             into
             those
             Depths
             of
             Despondency
             ,
             and
             Despair
             ;
             out
             of
             which
             ,
             the
             Out-stretched
             Arm
             ,
             of
             God's
             Grace
             ,
             and
             Almightiness
             ,
             hath
             Delivered
             ,
             and
             Rescued
             ,
             poor
             Sinful
             Nothing
             me
             .
          
           
             7.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             I
             am
             now
             in
             a
             Justified
             ,
             Sanctified
             ,
             and
             Adopted
             State
             ;
             The
             lost
             Image
             of
             God
             ,
             being
             (
             by
             his
             Sanctifying
             Operation
             )
             Recovered
             in
             my
             Soul
             in
             measure
             .
          
           
             8.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             I
             shall
             be
             made
             to
             Persevere
             ,
             and
             hold
             out
             in
             a
             State
             of
             Grace
             ;
             and
             that
             I
             shall
             be
             continued
             in
             the
             Love
             and
             Favour
             of
             God
             ,
             for
             ever
             ,
             and
             ever
             .
             In
             despight
             of
             all
             ,
             that
             the
             Powers
             of
             Darkness
             ,
             can
             Contrive
             ,
             or
             Act
             against
             me
             .
          
           
             9.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             the
             Eye
             of
             Divine
             Providence
             ,
             should
             be
             (
             Everlastingly
             )
             fixed
             on
             me
             ;
             and
             the
             Right
             Hand
             of
             God's
             Righteousness
             (
             Everlastingly
             )
             kept
             under
             me
             ,
             for
             my
             Security
             ,
             from
             being
             in
             danger
             (
             at
             any
             time
             )
             of
             finally
             Miscarrying
             or
             Perishing
             .
          
           
             10.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             the
             very
             Indwelling
             Corruption
             (
             in
             my
             Nature
             )
             and
             whatever
             Falls
             ,
             or
             Miscariage
             ,
             which
             should
             (
             at
             any
             time
             )
             be
             occasioned
             thereby
             ,
             in
             my
             Life
             and
             Conversation
             :
             Should
             (
             with
             all
             the
             Afflictions
             attending
             me
             
             for
             the
             said
             Miscarriages
             )
             most
             certainly
             ,
             and
             (
             infallibly
             )
             Work
             for
             my
             Eternal
             Good
             ,
             and
             Welfare
             :
             whatever
             I
             my self
             ,
             (
             or
             others
             )
             should
             Judge
             to
             the
             Contrary
             .
          
           
             11.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             I
             should
             meet
             with
             great
             Opposition
             ,
             and
             Tribulation
             ,
             in
             the
             World
             ;
             But
             that
             all
             mine
             Enemies
             ,
             should
             find
             ,
             they
             Laboured
             in
             vain
             :
             For
             ,
             that
             God
             was
             on
             my
             side
             ,
             to
             take
             my
             Part
             ,
             against
             them
             .
             And
             who
             will
             (
             most
             certainly
             )
             Crown
             all
             my
             Streights
             and
             Troubles
             with
             a
             happy
             Success
             .
          
           
             12.
             
             He
             assured
             me
             ,
             that
             God's
             Special
             Presence
             ,
             should
             be
             so
             with
             me
             ,
             (
             in
             every
             Change
             of
             Condition
             in
             this
             World
             )
             as
             that
             nothing
             should
             harm
             ,
             or
             spoil
             me
             .
             Yea
             ,
             that
             Death
             (
             it
             self
             )
             the
             last
             Enemy
             of
             Nature
             )
             should
             neither
             Terrify
             nor
             Hurt
             me
             .
             The
             Mortal
             Sting
             thereof
             ,
             being
             (
             by
             the
             Death
             of
             My
             Redeemer
             )
             unstung
             ,
             and
             divested
             of
             its
             Power
             ,
             to
             harm
             me
             ,
             or
             any
             of
             Christs
             Redeemed
             ones
             .
          
           
             These
             Particulars
             Discovered
             ,
             and
             set
             home
             (
             by
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             )
             on
             my
             Trembling
             Panting
             Soul.
             He
             Working
             me
             (
             Powerfully
             )
             to
             a
             Believing
             each
             Particular
             ,
             with
             Application
             to
             my self
             .
             I
             was
             (
             immediately
             )
             surprized
             ,
             with
             a
             more
             Astonishing
             ,
             
             and
             overcoming
             Rapture
             of
             Inexpressible
             Joy
             ,
             than
             before
             .
             I
             had
             clear
             manifestations
             of
             the
             Love
             of
             God
             ,
             to
             me
             (
             in
             Particular
             )
             and
             of
             the
             great
             things
             done
             ,
             and
             Prepared
             for
             me
             ,
             to
             make
             me
             (
             Everlastingly
             happy
             ;
             in
             the
             Beholding
             and
             Enjoying
             himself
             ,
             as
             my
             God
             ,
             and
             my
             Father
             ,
             and
             Portion
             ,
             in
             Christ
             ,
             for
             ever
             .
             According
             to
             the
             Unconditionate
             Free
             Covenant
             ,
             of
             his
             own
             Grace
             ,
             Made
             and
             Establshed
             in
             ,
             and
             with
             Christ
             (
             his
             Son
             )
             in
             the
             behalf
             of
             me
             ,
             and
             the
             rest
             of
             his
             Elect.
             
          
           
             No
             sooner
             did
             I
             look
             up
             to
             God
             ,
             and
             behold
             his
             Reconciled
             Face
             ,
             Smile
             on
             me
             ,
             (
             in
             the
             Face
             of
             Jesus
             his
             Son
             )
             but
             I
             felt
             such
             inward
             ,
             Soul
             Inebriating
             Joy
             ;
             as
             I
             verily
             thought
             ,
             would
             cause
             my
             very
             Soul
             to
             Fly
             out
             of
             my
             Body
             ,
             and
             my
             Body
             to
             burst
             in
             sunder
             .
             The
             hardness
             of
             my
             Heart
             (
             under
             which
             I
             Laboured
             ,
             all
             the
             time
             of
             my
             Bondage
             State
             ;
             and
             which
             I
             sensibly
             felt
             to
             grow
             and
             encrease
             ;
             as
             I
             called
             to
             Remembrance
             the
             many
             Follies
             of
             Youth
             ;
             and
             the
             Holy
             Law
             of
             God
             ;
             whereof
             those
             Follies
             were
             so
             many
             Breaches
             ;
             each
             Folly
             Deserving
             (
             if
             it
             were
             Possible
             )
             a
             Thousand
             Damnations
             )
             was
             Melted
             and
             Thawn
             (
             like
             a
             lump
             of
             Ice
             ,
             before
             the
             warm
             Sun
             )
             By
             the
             Sense
             ,
             and
             Perception
             ,
             I
             had
             of
             the
             
             Love
             of
             God
             (
             vouchsafed
             )
             to
             such
             a
             base
             ,
             and
             deformed
             Sinner
             ,
             as
             God
             knows
             I
             was
             ,
             and
             still
             am
             .
             I
             felt
             the
             Servile
             ,
             and
             Mercenary
             Frame
             ,
             and
             Disposition
             of
             my
             Spirit
             ,
             take
             Wing
             :
             and
             that
             Filial
             Child
             like
             Frame
             and
             Disposition
             of
             Spirit
             ,
             (
             which
             is
             suited
             to
             a
             Gospel
             Dispensation
             )
             Succeed
             in
             its
             Room
             .
             And
             looking
             up
             to
             Heaven
             (
             with
             the
             Tears
             flowing
             from
             me
             ,
             so
             extreamly
             fast
             ;
             that
             I
             heard
             them
             drop
             ,
             drop
             upon
             drop
             ,
             on
             the
             Floor
             ,
             where
             I
             stood
             ,
             continuing
             so
             long
             ,
             that
             I
             (
             sensibly
             )
             felt
             my
             Cheeks
             to
             Burn
             and
             Scald
             me
             )
             .
             My
             Soul
             (
             in
             a
             strange
             Extasy
             )
             running
             over
             those
             Particulars
             ,
             which
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             had
             assured
             me
             of
             .
             Here
             's
             the
             Second
             Rapture
             of
             Joy.
             
          
           
             What
             Joy
             like
             to
             this
             I
             now
             feel
             ?
             Who
             can
             (
             possibly
             )
             Relate
             or
             express
             it
             ?
             What!
             Hath
             God
             Elected
             me
             ?
             even
             me
             ?
             Sinful
             and
             Vile
             me
             ?
             And
             hath
             he
             done
             it
             before
             time
             ?
             And
             notwithstanding
             he
             (
             perfectly
             )
             knew
             ,
             what
             I
             should
             prove
             in
             time
             ?
             Oh!
             Wonderful
             Love
             !
             Why
             me
             Lord
             ?
             Why
             me
             ?
             And
             not
             one
             of
             the
             Reprobates
             in
             Hell
             ,
             who
             never
             Sinned
             against
             thee
             ,
             to
             that
             Degree
             that
             I
             have
             ?
          
           
           
             And
             hath
             God
             laid
             mine
             Iniquities
             ,
             even
             all
             my
             Iniquities
             ,
             on
             the
             Back
             of
             Christ
             ,
             and
             Charged
             them
             to
             his
             Score
             ,
             as
             my
             Surety
             ?
             Oh!
             Amazing
             Mistery
             of
             Divine
             Love
             ,
             and
             Grace
             .
             Who
             is
             able
             to
             know
             ,
             whether
             the
             Father
             or
             the
             Son
             Loves
             me
             Most
             ?
             The
             Father
             in
             Laying
             my
             Sins
             on
             his
             own
             ,
             and
             only
             Son
             ,
             tho
             Innocent
             and
             Harmless
             .
             Or
             the
             Son
             ,
             in
             Condescending
             to
             Bear
             them
             ,
             as
             his
             own
             Sins
             ?
             And
             are
             all
             those
             Sins
             of
             mine
             Discharg'd
             ,
             and
             satisfied
             for
             ,
             by
             the
             Active
             and
             Passive
             Obedience
             of
             Christ
             my
             Surety
             ;
             who
             hath
             kept
             the
             Law
             for
             me
             ?
             Oh!
             Wonderful
             Condescention
             ,
             both
             of
             Father
             and
             Son
             !
          
           
             Is
             it
             so
             ,
             (
             as
             I
             feel
             it
             is
             )
             That
             God
             the
             Father
             ,
             is
             fully
             Satisfi'd
             ,
             with
             that
             his
             Sons
             Obedience
             ?
             And
             that
             I
             am
             now
             Justifi'd
             (
             in
             his
             Sight
             )
             by
             the
             Virtue
             thereof
             ?
             Oh
             my
             Soul
             !
             What
             Cause
             hast
             thou
             to
             Rejoyce
             and
             Adore
             God
             for
             ever
             ?
          
           
             And
             was
             the
             Love
             of
             God
             set
             on
             me
             ?
             Even
             when
             in
             a
             State
             of
             Vnregeneracy
             ?
             Who
             but
             a
             Mercenary
             Legalist
             will
             not
             be
             (
             hence
             )
             Convinced
             ,
             of
             the
             Orthodoxy
             ,
             
             and
             Soundness
             of
             that
             Distinction
             .
             Which
             differenceth
             between
             the
             Person
             of
             an
             Elect
             Sinner
             ;
             and
             the
             Sinful
             Pravity
             of
             Nature
             ;
             which
             Cleaves
             to
             him
             ?
             Surely
             my
             Soul
             !
             If
             God
             had
             really
             hated
             thee
             ,
             and
             had
             he
             been
             Wrath
             with
             thee
             ,
             as
             he
             is
             with
             all
             the
             wicked
             Reprobates
             ,
             who
             have
             no
             share
             in
             the
             Redemption
             of
             his
             Son
             :
             Even
             then
             ,
             when
             thou
             wast
             un-called
             ,
             he
             might
             have
             sent
             thee
             to
             Hell.
             Who
             could
             have
             hindred
             him
             ?
             And
             were
             the
             Reasons
             ,
             wherefore
             he
             handled
             thee
             so
             roughly
             ,
             (
             by
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             )
             as
             have
             been
             discovered
             by
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             :
             And
             not
             because
             he
             hated
             thee
             ,
             or
             (
             any
             way
             )
             design'd
             to
             satisfy
             his
             Vindicative
             Justice
             for
             thy
             Sins
             .
             What
             Cause
             hast
             thou
             to
             Reflect
             on
             ,
             and
             Abhor
             thy self
             ,
             for
             all
             thy
             hard
             Thoughts
             ,
             and
             unbecoming
             Apprehensions
             ,
             which
             were
             lodg'd
             in
             thee
             ,
             of
             God
             ,
             and
             his
             Dealing
             with
             thee
             ?
          
           
             And
             is
             it
             certain
             ,
             (
             as
             most
             certainly
             it
             is
             ,
             seeing
             God
             cannot
             Lye
             )
             That
             I
             ,
             Poor
             Sinful
             I
             ,
             shall
             be
             made
             to
             Persevere
             ,
             and
             hold
             out
             ,
             in
             a
             State
             of
             Grace
             ;
             and
             continue
             in
             Gods
             Favour
             for
             ever
             .
             Oh!
             
             What
             unspeakable
             cause
             ,
             hast
             thou
             ,
             to
             Adore
             ,
             Love
             ,
             and
             Praise
             Jehovah
             to
             all
             Eternity
             ?
             And
             what
             little
             Reason
             hast
             thou
             to
             be
             discouraged
             ,
             to
             think
             of
             what
             the
             Powers
             of
             Darkness
             can
             do
             to
             hinder
             thy
             Perseverance
             ?
          
           
             And
             will
             the
             Eye
             of
             Divine
             Providence
             be
             on
             me
             ;
             and
             the
             Right
             Hand
             of
             God's
             Righteousness
             ,
             kept
             under
             me
             ;
             to
             Secure
             me
             (
             for
             ever
             )
             from
             (
             finally
             )
             Miscarrying
             ,
             or
             Perishing
             ?
          
           
             How
             great
             Encouragement
             is
             this
             to
             thee
             ,
             my
             Soul
             ;
             to
             have
             the
             Eye
             of
             Faith
             ,
             and
             Hope
             (
             Dependingly
             )
             fixt
             on
             the
             Faithfulness
             ,
             and
             Almightiness
             of
             God
             ;
             seeing
             the
             End
             ,
             and
             the
             Means
             ,
             are
             ever
             Inseparable
             ?
          
           
             And
             hath
             God
             (
             that
             cannot
             Lye
             )
             Promised
             ,
             and
             Engaged
             ,
             that
             the
             very
             Being
             of
             Indwelling
             Corruption
             ,
             with
             all
             the
             Out-breaking
             thereof
             ,
             in
             my
             Conversation
             .
             As
             also
             ,
             the
             many
             Afflictions
             attending
             the
             same
             ,
             shall
             (
             infallibly
             )
             Work
             ,
             for
             my
             Eternal
             Good.
             What
             Reason
             have
             I
             to
             Cry
             out
             ,
             and
             say
             (
             with
             astonishment
             of
             Soul
             )
             Who
             is
             a
             God
             like
             unto
             
             thee
             ,
             who
             Pardonest
             Iniquity
             ,
             and
             Passeth
             by
             the
             Trasgression
             of
             the
             Remnant
             of
             thine
             Heritage
             ?
             Who
             out
             of
             Darkness
             producest
             Light
             ;
             and
             out
             of
             the
             greatest
             Evil
             ,
             canst
             bring
             the
             greatest
             Good.
             
          
           
             And
             is
             it
             so
             ,
             That
             notwithstanding
             the
             many
             ,
             and
             great
             Oppositions
             ,
             and
             Tribulations
             ,
             I
             am
             to
             meet
             with
             ,
             in
             the
             World.
             I
             shall
             (
             through
             Christ
             (
             accompanying
             ,
             and
             strengthening
             me
             )
             be
             brought
             through
             them
             ;
             and
             made
             a
             Compleat
             Conqueror
             in
             the
             End
             ?
             How
             greatly
             Zealous
             ,
             ought
             I
             to
             be
             ,
             in
             Loving
             and
             Lauding
             ,
             the
             True
             and
             Living
             God
             ,
             Father
             ,
             Son
             ,
             and
             Holy
             Ghost
             ?
             whose
             Tremendous
             and
             Glorious
             Name
             ,
             is
             Infinitely
             Transcending
             ,
             all
             Praises
             ,
             which
             Saints
             or
             Angels
             ,
             are
             Capable
             of
             giving
             .
          
           
             And
             seeing
             that
             (
             from
             henceforth
             ,
             till
             I
             come
             to
             Heaven
             )
             the
             special
             Providence
             of
             God
             will
             be
             with
             me
             (
             in
             every
             Change
             of
             Condition
             )
             so
             as
             nothing
             shall
             be
             able
             to
             do
             me
             Harm
             .
             What
             unspeakable
             Cause
             have
             I
             to
             fear
             (
             with
             a
             Reverential
             ,
             Holy
             ,
             and
             Filial
             Fear
             )
             the
             Glorious
             
             Name
             :
             and
             Infinite
             Majesty
             of
             the
             Great
             God
             ?
             And
             how
             unbecoming
             me
             (
             for
             whom
             God
             hath
             done
             so
             many
             ,
             and
             wonderful
             things
             )
             will
             it
             be
             ;
             to
             Fear
             ,
             either
             Devils
             or
             Men
             ,
             who
             set
             themselves
             against
             God
             ,
             and
             his
             Sons
             Interest
             ?
             O
             my
             Soul
             !
             Rejoyce
             (
             now
             )
             in
             God
             ,
             who
             is
             become
             thy
             Salvation
             ;
             and
             Fear
             nothing
             ,
             but
             what
             may
             (
             any
             way
             )
             grieve
             his
             Holy
             ,
             and
             Tender
             Spirit
             .
          
           
             Marvelous
             ,
             and
             unutterable
             ,
             were
             those
             Manifestations
             of
             Gods
             Love
             ,
             let
             out
             upon
             me
             (
             his
             poor
             nothing
             Creature
             )
             in
             that
             Moment
             of
             his
             Spirits
             Sealing
             me
             ,
             in
             Believing
             :
             and
             by
             the
             Sense
             whereof
             ;
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             fill'd
             up
             those
             Vallys
             and
             Bottoms
             ,
             in
             my
             Soul
             ,
             and
             Conscience
             ;
             occasioned
             ,
             by
             the
             sharp
             and
             terrible
             Workings
             of
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             .
             And
             as
             the
             Manifestations
             (
             but
             now
             )
             Mentioned
             ,
             were
             (
             in
             themselves
             )
             Marvelous
             ,
             and
             Astonishing
             :
             so
             were
             (
             also
             )
             the
             Sensible
             Effects
             they
             Produced
             in
             me
             ,
             Wonderful
             and
             Ravishing
             .
          
           
             Those
             Effects
             ,
             I
             Reduce
             (
             for
             Orders
             sake
             )
             to
             Six
             Heads
             .
          
           
           
             First
             ,
             The
             Horrour
             ,
             and
             Guilt
             of
             my
             Conscience
             ,
             was
             gon
             ;
             which
             was
             Succeeded
             ,
             by
             the
             Answer
             of
             a
             good
             Conscience
             ,
             (
             towards
             God
             )
             which
             did
             (
             inwardly
             )
             Suggest
             ▪
             and
             Dictate
             to
             me
             :
             That
             my
             State
             and
             Condition
             (
             Godward
             )
             is
             truely
             Safe
             ,
             and
             most
             Happy
             .
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             The
             Spiritual
             Vail
             ;
             which
             Covered
             my
             Heart
             and
             Mind
             ;
             and
             which
             kept
             me
             from
             seeing
             into
             the
             Mistery
             of
             the
             Gospel
             ,
             was
             taken
             off
             ,
             like
             Scales
             ,
             or
             a
             Web
             ,
             off
             the
             Eyes
             of
             a
             Blind
             Man.
             Whereon
             ,
             I
             was
             enabled
             to
             See
             ,
             and
             Behold
             ,
             who
             ,
             and
             what
             ,
             Jesus
             (
             held
             forth
             in
             the
             Gospel
             )
             is
             to
             me
             .
          
           
             Thirdly
             ,
             The
             Affrighting
             Distractions
             ,
             and
             Overwhelming
             Hurricanes
             of
             my
             Despairing
             Soul
             (
             occasioned
             by
             my
             continual
             expectation
             of
             being
             sent
             to
             Hell
             )
             were
             turned
             into
             an
             unexpected
             and
             Soul
             surprizing
             Calm
             ,
             and
             Sedate
             Frame
             of
             Spirit
             .
          
           
             Fourthly
             ,
             The
             Spirit
             of
             Slavish
             Fear
             ,
             which
             (
             on
             every
             occasion
             )
             Tormented
             and
             Rackt
             me
             ,
             vanisht
             ;
             and
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Power
             ,
             of
             Love
             ,
             and
             of
             a
             sound
             Mind
             ,
             was
             given
             me
             .
          
           
             Fifthly
             ,
             The
             Joy
             ▪
             and
             Comforts
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             ,
             were
             Communicated
             to
             me
             ,
             in
             such
             a
             manner
             and
             measure
             ,
             as
             (
             unspeakably
             )
             passeth
             my
             Frail
             Capacity
             ,
             to
             tell
             
             forth
             ,
             or
             express
             .
             Which
             occasioned
             me
             ,
             to
             call
             to
             Mind
             ,
             my
             former
             Wondering
             ;
             and
             Musing
             (
             while
             going
             on
             ,
             in
             the
             way
             of
             my
             Ignorant
             ,
             and
             Blind
             Zeal
             (
             in
             Serving
             God
             )
             before
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             visited
             me
             )
             to
             think
             ,
             what
             the
             Joy
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             should
             mean
             ?
             Whenever
             I
             did
             Read
             of
             the
             Joy
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             :
             Or
             ,
             did
             hear
             any
             mention
             thereof
             .
             Joy
             of
             the
             Holy
             (
             think
             I
             )
             Lord
             what
             is
             that
             ?
             What
             is
             the
             meaning
             of
             it
             ?
             I
             cannot
             tell
             ;
             or
             apprehend
             what
             this
             Joy
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             should
             be
             ?
          
           
             Sixthly
             ,
             The
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             was
             given
             me
             ,
             whereby
             I
             was
             enabled
             to
             come
             to
             God's
             Throne
             of
             Grace
             ;
             and
             with
             a
             Holy
             ,
             and
             Humble
             Boldness
             ;
             to
             call
             him
             my
             God
             ,
             and
             my
             Father
             .
             The
             Instinct
             in
             the
             New
             Creation
             wrought
             (
             by
             the
             God
             of
             all
             Grace
             )
             in
             me
             ;
             led
             me
             to
             God
             ,
             as
             the
             Fountain
             of
             all
             Good.
             
          
           
             The
             Spirit
             (
             given
             me
             )
             putting
             into
             my
             Mouth
             ,
             Words
             of
             Solemn
             Thanks
             ,
             and
             Praise
             ;
             for
             the
             Greatness
             ,
             and
             Strangeness
             of
             my
             Salvation
             .
          
           
             To
             my
             Knees
             I
             betook
             me
             ,
             Adoreing
             and
             Worshipping
             (
             with
             my
             Spirit
             )
             That
             Holy
             Jehovah
             ,
             Trinity
             in
             Unity
             ,
             and
             Unity
             in
             Trinity
             ;
             Father
             ,
             Son
             ,
             and
             Holy
             Ghost
             ;
             the
             True
             and
             Eternal
             God.
             Whom
             all
             the
             
             time
             of
             my
             Blind
             Zeal
             ,
             and
             during
             the
             time
             of
             my
             Bondage
             State
             )
             I
             had
             so
             Ignorantly
             Worshipped
             .
             I
             was
             now
             (
             and
             never
             before
             )
             Enabled
             (
             Jacob
             like
             )
             to
             catch
             hold
             of
             ,
             and
             to
             Wrestle
             with
             a
             Reconciled
             God.
             The
             Greatness
             ,
             Holiness
             ,
             and
             Infiniteness
             of
             his
             Majesty
             ,
             (
             which
             before
             I
             knew
             him
             in
             Christ
             terrified
             ,
             and
             affrightned
             me
             ,
             with
             a
             Witness
             )
             Animated
             and
             Encouraged
             me
             ,
             in
             Praying
             to
             him
             .
             It
             is
             not
             to
             be
             Exprest
             (
             in
             Words
             )
             with
             what
             Alacrity
             ,
             and
             Chearfulness
             of
             Spirit
             ,
             I
             approached
             the
             Throne
             of
             Grace
             ;
             and
             with
             what
             Enlargedness
             ,
             and
             inward
             Meltings
             of
             Heart
             ,
             and
             Soul
             ,
             I
             called
             on
             God.
             When
             I
             did
             but
             mention
             this
             ,
             My
             God
             ,
             and
             my
             Father
             ;
             Oh!
             what
             Ravishment
             of
             Soul
             ,
             did
             I
             (
             Experimentally
             )
             feel
             ,
             Overflowing
             and
             Drowning
             my
             very
             Spirit
             ?
          
           
             To
             my
             Bed
             I
             went
             ,
             with
             a
             Glad
             ,
             &
             Ravish'd
             Heart
             .
             Christ
             knows
             ,
             The
             Burning
             Inflammation
             ,
             which
             the
             Horror
             ,
             and
             Bondage
             of
             my
             Wounded
             Despairing
             Conscience
             caused
             in
             my
             Body
             ,
             was
             gon
             ;
             and
             my
             Bodys
             Disposition
             to
             Crookedness
             (
             thought
             the
             sinking
             weight
             which
             lay
             on
             my
             Spirit
             within
             )
             was
             Instantly
             Rebuked
             ,
             and
             caused
             to
             Retreat
             ,
             by
             the
             Glad
             ,
             and
             Joyful
             Tideings
             of
             Gospel
             Peace
             ;
             which
             (
             that
             Night
             )
             took
             up
             its
             Lodging
             within
             me
             ;
             Succeeding
             ,
             
             and
             Powerfully
             Supplanting
             that
             Spirit
             of
             Bondage
             ,
             which
             made
             me
             so
             hopeless
             ,
             and
             (
             as
             I
             thought
             )
             Past
             all
             possibility
             of
             escapeing
             Hell.
             
          
           
             No
             sooner
             was
             I
             stretched
             in
             my
             Bed
             ,
             but
             Swooning
             and
             Fainting
             Fits
             of
             Love
             Sickness
             seized
             me
             :
             I
             was
             Inwardly
             (
             and
             Spiritually
             )
             so
             Apprehensive
             of
             the
             Mysteriousness
             of
             Christs
             Incarnation
             ,
             his
             Humbling
             himself
             (
             even
             to
             Death
             )
             his
             lying
             Confined
             (
             as
             a
             Prisoner
             )
             in
             the
             Grave
             ;
             and
             his
             being
             Raised
             therefrom
             ;
             (
             again
             )
             his
             Ascending
             to
             Heaven
             ,
             (
             from
             whence
             he
             came
             )
             and
             his
             Sitting
             down
             at
             the
             Fathers
             Right
             Hand
             ;
             to
             Enter
             on
             the
             Work
             of
             Intercession
             with
             God.
             And
             that
             as
             my
             Surety
             and
             Mediator
             ,
             and
             all
             for
             me
             ;
             that
             I
             verily
             thought
             my
             Body
             was
             near
             its
             Dissolution
             .
             A
             thing
             ,
             which
             the
             clear
             and
             certain
             assurance
             (
             given
             me
             )
             of
             my
             being
             an
             Adopted
             Son
             of
             God
             ;
             made
             me
             (
             even
             )
             Long
             and
             Pant
             after
             .
             My
             Thoughts
             ,
             and
             Meditations
             ,
             were
             (
             now
             )
             wholly
             Employed
             about
             Christ
             ,
             and
             that
             Blessed
             Change
             which
             I
             (
             Sensibly
             )
             felt
             ,
             was
             Past
             on
             me
             .
             The
             sweet
             and
             Soul
             Ravishing
             Communion
             ,
             I
             had
             with
             Father
             ,
             Son
             and
             Holy
             Ghost
             ;
             was
             (
             to
             me
             )
             instead
             of
             Meat
             ,
             Drink
             and
             Sleep
             ,
             and
             that
             the
             most
             Pleasing
             and
             Satisfactory
             ,
             that
             I
             ever
             Enjoyed
             .
             The
             Actings
             and
             Sufferings
             
             of
             Christ
             (
             in
             the
             assumed
             Nature
             )
             for
             me
             ,
             were
             so
             realized
             ,
             and
             the
             Virtue
             ,
             and
             Reconciling
             Efficacy
             ,
             of
             the
             same
             ,
             so
             (
             sensibly
             )
             set
             home
             ,
             on
             my
             Wounded
             and
             Bleeding
             Soul
             ,
             by
             the
             Spirit
             of
             Adoption
             ,
             that
             I
             thought
             I
             had
             the
             Person
             of
             Christ
             claspt
             in
             my
             Arms
             in
             the
             Bed.
             Oh!
             The
             sweet
             Intercourses
             ,
             which
             (
             by
             the
             Operation
             of
             the
             Holy
             Ghost
             )
             passed
             between
             Precious
             Jesus
             and
             my
             Languid
             Soul.
             Then
             was
             I
             made
             to
             know
             (
             Experimentally
             )
             the
             meaning
             of
             Rev.
             3.
             20.
             
             While
             I
             was
             Wakeing
             ,
             I
             was
             entertained
             with
             strange
             variety
             of
             Interlocution
             (
             or
             Discourse
             )
             which
             Passed
             between
             Christ
             and
             me
             ,
             which
             did
             Explain
             and
             Unfold
             to
             me
             ,
             that
             in
             Prov.
             6.
             22.
             
             During
             this
             ,
             I
             continued
             in
             such
             a
             Melting
             Frame
             ;
             that
             the
             very
             Pillow-beer
             under
             my
             Head
             ,
             was
             ,
             as
             if
             dipt
             in
             a
             River
             ,
             through
             the
             great
             abundance
             of
             Tears
             (
             of
             unconceivable
             Joy
             )
             which
             the
             Sense
             ,
             and
             feeling
             of
             Christ's
             Love
             ,
             constrained
             me
             to
             shed
             .
             When
             I
             found
             a
             necessity
             of
             turning
             in
             my
             Bed
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             turn
             without
             my
             Dearly
             Beloved
             ,
             and
             (
             Incomparably
             )
             Loving
             Jesus
             ,
             in
             my
             Arms
             with
             me
             .
          
           
             When
             I
             Slumber'd
             ,
             and
             Slept
             ,
             I
             was
             soon
             visited
             with
             most
             Joyful
             ,
             and
             Ravishing
             Dreams
             ,
             of
             God
             ,
             Christ
             ,
             Holy
             Ghost
             ,
             the
             Glory
             of
             Heaven
             ,
             and
             the
             unutterable
             Bliss
             ,
             
             and
             Felicity
             ,
             of
             those
             Souls
             ,
             who
             are
             Reconciled
             to
             God
             ,
             by
             Christ
             .
             This
             was
             very
             Frequent
             ,
             and
             common
             when
             Sleep
             came
             on
             me
             ,
             after
             I
             had
             been
             Sealed
             in
             Beleiving
             .
          
           
             And
             albeit
             ,
             I
             never
             durst
             to
             heed
             ,
             or
             mind
             Nocturnal
             Dreams
             ;
             yet
             they
             have
             (
             sometimes
             )
             had
             such
             a
             strange
             Influence
             on
             me
             ,
             that
             I
             have
             felt
             such
             delightful
             Joy
             and
             Comfort
             in
             my
             Spirit
             ,
             that
             (
             sometimes
             )
             I
             have
             been
             at
             a
             stand
             ,
             to
             think
             ;
             whether
             I
             had
             been
             asleep
             ,
             or
             awake
             .
          
           
             It
             was
             a
             frequent
             Practice
             (
             with
             me
             )
             for
             some
             considerable
             time
             (
             how
             long
             I
             cannot
             now
             Remember
             )
             to
             arise
             in
             my
             Bed
             ;
             (
             when
             I
             awaked
             out
             of
             My
             sleep
             )
             to
             Bend
             my
             Knees
             ,
             and
             lift
             up
             my
             Eyes
             ,
             Hands
             ,
             and
             Heart
             to
             heaven
             ,
             to
             Land
             ,
             Praise
             and
             Magnify
             ,
             Father
             ,
             Son
             and
             Holy
             Ghost
             ;
             for
             the
             greatness
             ,
             and
             strangeness
             ,
             of
             my
             so
             unexpected
             ,
             and
             unlook'd
             for
             Salvation
             .
             Being
             but
             the
             Night
             before
             (
             yea
             ,
             and
             every
             Morning
             )
             ready
             to
             Drop
             into
             final
             Desparation
             ,
             of
             ever
             being
             Saved
             .
             Oh!
             What
             a
             loss
             was
             I
             at
             ,
             in
             my self
             ?
             Not
             knowing
             how
             (
             sufficiently
             )
             to
             Extol
             and
             Bless
             God
             ;
             for
             what
             had
             now
             befallen
             me
             .
             I
             was
             (
             even
             )
             ready
             to
             quarrel
             with
             my self
             ;
             because
             of
             the
             narrowness
             ,
             and
             streightness
             of
             my
             Soul
             ,
             which
             hindred
             that
             I
             could
             not
             take
             
             in
             more
             of
             God
             :
             and
             go
             out
             in
             more
             enlarged
             Expressions
             of
             Love
             ,
             and
             Praises
             to
             him
             .
             For
             above
             six
             Months
             (
             together
             )
             I
             could
             neither
             lye
             down
             ,
             nor
             arise
             ;
             go
             down
             ,
             or
             come
             up
             Stairs
             ;
             pass
             in
             or
             out
             ,
             from
             one
             place
             to
             another
             ;
             but
             I
             strongly
             Conceited
             that
             I
             perceived
             a
             Guard
             of
             Angels
             attending
             my
             Person
             .
          
           
             It
             cannot
             be
             Expressed
             ,
             with
             what
             scorn
             ,
             and
             abhorrence
             ;
             I
             look'd
             on
             the
             Pride
             and
             Gallantry
             of
             the
             Family
             where
             I
             Lived
             .
             Their
             Changeable
             Suits
             of
             Rich
             and
             Glittering
             Apparel
             ,
             with
             their
             Choice
             Meats
             ,
             and
             sweet
             Musick
             ,
             with
             other
             delightful
             Pastimes
             ,
             I
             look'd
             on
             ,
             and
             accounted
             them
             ,
             but
             as
             Smoak
             and
             Dust
             .
             The
             Titles
             of
             Worldly
             Honour
             ,
             wherein
             the
             Rest
             of
             my
             Relations
             did
             (
             not
             a
             little
             )
             Glory
             ;
             I
             accounted
             the
             same
             ,
             but
             a
             meer
             empty
             Vanity
             .
          
           
             Oh!
             (
             think
             I
             )
             That
             my
             Poor
             Relations
             could
             see
             ,
             taste
             ,
             and
             feel
             ,
             what
             I
             do
             :
             how
             would
             they
             disrelish
             ,
             and
             be
             ashamed
             ,
             and
             weary
             of
             these
             Poor
             ,
             perishing
             ,
             sensual
             Delights
             ;
             wherein
             they
             Place
             their
             Delight
             ,
             and
             Felicity
             .
          
           
             When
             (
             at
             any
             time
             )
             I
             heard
             them
             talk
             (
             boastingly
             )
             of
             the
             Honour
             and
             Credit
             of
             the
             Family
             ;
             I
             could
             not
             forbear
             ,
             expressing
             my
             Contempt
             ,
             of
             the
             same
             :
             Telling
             them
             (
             to
             their
             very
             Face
             )
             that
             the
             Blood
             
             of
             Jesus
             ;
             not
             the
             Blood
             of
             my
             Progenitors
             (
             according
             to
             the
             Flesh
             )
             was
             that
             which
             made
             me
             Noble
             ,
             and
             truly
             Honourable
             .
             And
             that
             he
             ,
             or
             she
             ,
             who
             were
             advanced
             to
             the
             Highest
             Degree
             of
             Honour
             ,
             whereto
             an
             Earthly
             King
             ,
             could
             (
             possibly
             )
             advance
             ;
             and
             were
             not
             wash'd
             in
             the
             Lambs
             Blood
             ;
             the
             Higher
             their
             Honour
             and
             Greatness
             is
             ;
             the
             greater
             ,
             and
             more
             Intollerable
             ,
             would
             be
             the
             Doom
             ,
             and
             Condemnaton
             of
             such
             ,
             when
             (
             by
             Death
             )
             they
             go
             hence
             .
          
           
             Now
             I
             began
             to
             disrelish
             ,
             and
             discover
             what
             small
             èsteem
             I
             had
             ,
             of
             the
             Liturgy
             and
             Ceremonies
             ,
             of
             the
             Church
             ;
             of
             which
             I
             had
             (
             formerly
             )
             been
             so
             (
             extreamly
             )
             Zealous
             .
          
           
             Three
             Things
             (
             chiefly
             )
             occasioned
             this
             .
             First
             ,
             The
             apprehension
             I
             had
             ,
             of
             the
             Purity
             and
             Holiness
             of
             God's
             Nature
             ;
             which
             requires
             a
             Worship
             suited
             to
             his
             own
             Pure
             ,
             and
             Spiritual
             Being
             ,
             according
             to
             that
             in
             Joh.
             4.
             24.
             
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             I
             Considered
             ,
             that
             no
             Worship
             could
             (
             possibly
             )
             find
             acceptance
             with
             God
             ,
             but
             such
             a
             Worship
             as
             is
             stamp'd
             with
             God's
             own
             Institution
             :
             which
             I
             was
             (
             then
             )
             apprehensive
             (
             and
             am
             now
             more
             fully
             convinced
             )
             the
             Liturgy
             ,
             and
             Ceremonies
             of
             the
             Church
             are
             not
             ,
             the
             same
             being
             Devised
             by
             Men
             :
             and
             Imposed
             (
             by
             Human
             Authority
             )
             
             without
             any
             the
             least
             Warrant
             from
             the
             Word
             of
             God.
             According
             to
             
               Esa
               .
               8.
               20.
               
               Esa
               .
               29.
               13.
               
               Mat.
            
             15.
             8.
             9.
             
          
           
             Thirdly
             ,
             The
             sad
             Experience
             I
             had
             ,
             of
             the
             uusuitableness
             of
             such
             a
             Worship
             to
             an
             Awakened
             ,
             and
             a
             Renewed
             Soul
             ,
             while
             I
             was
             in
             a
             Natural
             State
             ,
             Ignorant
             of
             God
             ,
             and
             the
             Nature
             of
             my
             Soul
             ,
             and
             things
             truly
             Spiritual
             .
             I
             was
             exceeding
             Zealous
             in
             doing
             and
             Performing
             that
             Service
             ,
             which
             (
             now
             I
             find
             )
             is
             of
             little
             avail
             ;
             either
             to
             a
             Pleasing
             God
             ,
             or
             profiting
             an
             awakened
             Conscience
             .
             The
             Spirit
             of
             God
             having
             (
             in
             effectual
             Calling
             )
             Taught
             and
             Convinced
             me
             ,
             that
             no
             Worship
             or
             Ordinance
             (
             in
             Religion
             )
             can
             be
             Food
             to
             Nourish
             ,
             and
             Satisfy
             ,
             a
             Hungry
             Soul
             ;
             But
             such
             Worship
             ,
             as
             is
             Instituted
             by
             (
             and
             suited
             to
             Please
             )
             God.
             
          
           
             God
             will
             be
             found
             (
             Savingly
             )
             of
             none
             ,
             but
             those
             ,
             who
             seek
             him
             in
             the
             Ways
             of
             his
             own
             Institutions
             .
             According
             to
             
               Prov.
               8.
               32.
               1
               
               Pet.
            
             2.
             2.
             
          
           
             Soon
             after
             this
             ,
             The
             Care
             and
             Providence
             of
             Christ
             (
             my
             Chief
             Sheppard
             )
             directed
             me
             to
             attend
             the
             Ministry
             of
             Mr.
             
               Samuel
               Mather
            
             ,
             with
             whom
             ,
             I
             (
             afterwards
             )
             sate
             down
             (
             in
             full
             Communion
             )
             to
             my
             Souls
             great
             Comfort
             ,
             and
             Edification
             ,
             in
             the
             Knowledge
             of
             Christ
             .
          
           
           
             Notice
             being
             taken
             (
             in
             the
             Family
             ,
             where
             I
             lived
             )
             that
             I
             discontinued
             going
             to
             the
             Cathedral
             Worship
             (
             the
             which
             I
             commonly
             attended
             ,
             with
             a
             more
             than
             ordinary
             Zeal
             ,
             sometimes
             three
             times
             ,
             and
             sometimes
             four
             times
             in
             the
             same
             Day
             )
             And
             that
             I
             was
             not
             seen
             at
             the
             Parish
             Church
             ,
             on
             Sabbath
             Days
             ,
             or
             at
             the
             Sacrament
             ;
             as
             I
             used
             to
             do
             ,
             the
             Eyes
             of
             mine
             Observers
             ,
             were
             upon
             me
             ,
             to
             watch
             me
             what
             ways
             I
             took
             in
             Religion
             .
             Innumerable
             were
             the
             Taunts
             and
             Scoffs
             cast
             on
             that
             way
             of
             Worship
             ,
             which
             I
             had
             Espoused
             and
             closed
             with
             ;
             thorough
             all
             which
             I
             was
             carried
             with
             invincible
             Courage
             :
             Many
             and
             sharp
             were
             the
             Combates
             wherewith
             I
             Encountered
             ,
             from
             my
             own
             Relations
             especially
             ,
             the
             Lord
             of
             Santry
             (
             in
             whose
             Family
             I
             then
             liv'd
             )
             and
             my
             Father
             ,
             (
             his
             Brother
             )
             who
             by
             their
             Authority
             over
             me
             ,
             and
             the
             greatness
             of
             their
             Learning
             and
             Parts
             ,
             (
             between
             which
             and
             mine
             ,
             there
             was
             no
             more
             compare
             than
             between
             the
             Sun
             and
             a
             little
             twinkling
             Star
             )
             did
             (
             frequently
             )
             attack
             me
             ,
             to
             bring
             me
             back
             to
             the
             (
             forsaken
             )
             Chruch
             of
             England
             ,
             but
             all
             in
             vain
             .
          
           
             One
             time
             (
             above
             all
             others
             )
             my
             Lord
             observing
             ,
             that
             I
             absented
             ,
             not
             only
             the
             publick
             Worship
             ,
             but
             that
             of
             his
             Family
             also
             ,
             sent
             up
             his
             Secretary
             (
             another
             Brother's
             
             Son
             )
             to
             call
             me
             to
             Prayer
             ,
             in
             the
             Family
             ,
             on
             Night
             .
             My
             Cousin
             delivering
             my
             Lords
             Command
             ;
             I
             reply'd
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             under
             some
             Indisposition
             ;
             and
             therefore
             ,
             Pray'd
             my
             Cousin
             to
             excuse
             me
             to
             my
             Lord
             :
             down
             he
             goes
             ,
             and
             no
             sooner
             had
             he
             delivered
             my
             Answer
             ,
             but
             up
             he
             comes
             again
             ,
             with
             the
             same
             Message
             ,
             from
             my
             Lord.
             I
             threw
             him
             off
             the
             Second
             time
             ,
             with
             the
             same
             Excuse
             ,
             alledging
             ,
             that
             I
             could
             not
             come
             .
             This
             Answer
             brought
             to
             my
             Lord
             ,
             the
             Second
             time
             .
             He
             (
             in
             a
             great
             Rage
             )
             sends
             up
             my
             Cousin
             ,
             with
             a
             Peremptory
             Command
             ,
             that
             I
             must
             come
             to
             Prayer
             :
             my
             Cousin
             stood
             some
             considerable
             time
             ,
             expecting
             that
             I
             would
             Answer
             my
             Lords
             Peremptory
             Command
             ,
             but
             my
             Answer
             was
             ,
             that
             seeing
             my
             Lord
             had
             so
             plainly
             imposed
             on
             my
             Conscience
             ,
             in
             Commanding
             me
             to
             Act
             against
             my
             Conscience
             ,
             I
             thought
             it
             was
             my
             Duty
             to
             declare
             ,
             that
             untill
             I
             better
             understood
             it
             to
             be
             my
             Duty
             ,
             to
             Obey
             his
             Lordship
             (
             in
             a
             thing
             of
             this
             Nature
             )
             than
             as
             yet
             I
             did
             ,
             I
             neither
             could
             ,
             nor
             would
             go
             to
             joyn
             in
             Prayer
             ,
             with
             the
             Family
             .
             This
             Reply
             coming
             to
             my
             Lord's
             Ear
             ,
             he
             let
             me
             alone
             ,
             for
             that
             Night
             .
             The
             next
             Day
             my
             Lord
             took
             me
             to
             Task
             ,
             Examining
             (
             very
             strictly
             )
             and
             Demanding
             of
             me
             ,
             a
             Reason
             ,
             wherefore
             I
             came
             not
             to
             Prayer
             ,
             with
             the
             Family
             
             seeing
             they
             never
             used
             the
             Common-Prayer
             in
             the
             Family
             ?
          
           
             
               To
               whom
               I
               made
               this
               Reply
               .
            
             My
             Lord
             ,
             It
             is
             not
             from
             any
             Aversion
             I
             have
             to
             Prayer
             ,
             that
             keeps
             me
             Back
             ,
             from
             coming
             to
             Prayer
             with
             the
             Family
             :
             But
             the
             great
             Dissatisfaction
             Lodged
             in
             my
             Conscience
             .
             For
             ,
             my
             Lord
             ,
             (
             
               said
               I
            
             )
             should
             I
             (
             under
             my
             present
             Light
             ,
             and
             Conviction
             )
             go
             on
             my
             Knees
             ,
             to
             joyn
             in
             such
             a
             Service
             ,
             where
             God
             is
             so
             notoriously
             Dishonoured
             ,
             and
             his
             Glorious
             Name
             so
             greatly
             Profan'd
             ,
             my
             Conscience
             would
             (
             like
             a
             Flame
             of
             Fire
             )
             fly
             in
             my
             Face
             .
          
           
             The
             Lord
             then
             Demanded
             of
             me
             ,
             what
             I
             could
             Object
             against
             the
             Service
             Perform'd
             in
             the
             Family
             ?
          
           
             
               To
               whom
               I
               Reply'd
            
             ,
             That
             the
             Chief
             Objection
             I
             made
             ,
             was
             against
             the
             Person
             ,
             who
             Perform'd
             the
             Service
             .
          
           
             The
             Lord
             Demanded
             ,
             what
             I
             had
             to
             Object
             against
             the
             Person
             ,
             who
             Pray'd
             in
             the
             Family
             .
          
           
             
               To
               whom
               I
               Reply'd
            
             ,
             That
             I
             Objected
             against
             him
             ,
             for
             Two
             things
             .
             First
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             a
             Rotten
             Arminian
             ,
             denying
             the
             Doctrine
             of
             Election
             ,
             and
             Justification
             ,
             by
             the
             alone
             Imputed
             Righteousness
             ,
             of
             the
             Son
             of
             God.
             And
             that
             he
             also
             Held
             falling
             from
             Grace
             .
          
           
           
             Secondly
             ,
             For
             that
             he
             was
             in
             his
             Life
             and
             Conversation
             ,
             a
             notorious
             Drunkard
             ,
             and
             a
             common
             Curser
             and
             Swearer
             ,
             &c.
             
          
           
             My
             Lord
             then
             Demanded
             ,
             Why
             I
             did
             not
             come
             to
             Family
             Prayer
             ,
             when
             his
             Son
             James
             said
             Prayers
             ?
             Reader
             ,
             thou
             must
             know
             ;
             That
             when
             the
             Chaplain
             would
             be
             Drinking
             ,
             and
             Ryotting
             abroad
             ,
             sometimes
             my
             Lords
             Son
             would
             be
             Commanded
             to
             Read
             one
             of
             the
             Evening
             Prayers
             at
             the
             end
             of
             some
             Bibles
             .
          
           
             
               To
               this
               I
               Answered
            
             ,
             That
             his
             Son
             was
             but
             a
             Child
             ,
             and
             did
             not
             understand
             what
             he
             Read.
             
          
           
             Lord
             have
             Mercy
             on
             me
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             who
             would
             you
             have
             Pray
             in
             my
             Family
             ?
          
           
             My
             Lord
             (
             said
             I
             )
             I
             Humbly
             conceive
             ,
             no
             Man
             Living
             is
             fitter
             for
             a
             Service
             of
             this
             Nature
             ,
             than
             your
             Lordship
             .
             The
             Great
             God
             having
             made
             your
             Lordship
             ,
             King
             and
             Lord
             over
             your
             own
             Family
             ,
             and
             hath
             Endued
             your
             Lordship
             with
             such
             Incomparable
             Gifts
             of
             Knowledg
             ,
             and
             Learning
             ,
             and
             (
             I
             hope
             )
             of
             Grace
             too
             .
          
           
             And
             Pray
             Sir
             !
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             How
             would
             you
             have
             me
             Pray
             ?
          
           
             My
             Lord
             (
             said
             I
             )
             I
             Humbly
             Conceive
             ,
             that
             you
             are
             to
             Pray
             ,
             according
             to
             the
             present
             Condition
             ,
             of
             the
             Souls
             of
             your
             Family
             .
          
           
           
             Pray
             Sir
             !
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             How
             is
             it
             Possible
             for
             me
             to
             know
             the
             Inward
             Thoghts
             and
             Condition
             of
             my
             Families
             Souls
             ,
             so
             as
             to
             Order
             my
             Prayers
             accordingly
             ?
          
           
             My
             Lord
             (
             Reply'd
             I
             )
             albeit
             your
             Lordship
             ,
             cannot
             (
             possibly
             )
             Acquaint
             your self
             with
             all
             the
             Secrets
             of
             your
             Family
             ,
             yet
             you
             may
             by
             Catechizeing
             your
             Family
             ,
             and
             frequently
             Examining
             them
             ,
             about
             the
             State
             of
             their
             Souls
             ,
             and
             Gods
             Dealing
             with
             them
             ;
             find
             Matter
             enough
             ,
             to
             Enlarge
             on
             ,
             in
             Putting
             up
             Prayers
             to
             God
             for
             them
             ,
             in
             the
             General
             :
             which
             is
             ,
             as
             much
             ,
             as
             the
             Rule
             of
             Duty
             directs
             (
             or
             obliges
             )
             to
             .
          
           
             My
             Lord
             finding
             that
             the
             Truth
             I
             was
             call'd
             to
             Vindicate
             ,
             and
             the
             Spirit
             by
             which
             I
             spoke
             ,
             to
             be
             too
             Powerful
             for
             his
             Great
             Learning
             ,
             he
             let
             fall
             the
             Dispute
             ;
             which
             I
             am
             very
             sure
             was
             his
             Wisdom
             ,
             and
             his
             best
             Advantage
             ,
             so
             to
             do
             :
             Considering
             ,
             that
             none
             ever
             yer
             prospered
             who
             continued
             to
             fight
             against
             God.
             
          
           
             My
             Lord
             (
             by
             this
             means
             )
             found
             how
             I
             stood
             affected
             in
             Religion
             ;
             and
             (
             accordingly
             )
             Communicated
             to
             my
             Father
             ,
             his
             Judgement
             and
             Apprehensions
             of
             me
             .
             Immediately
             ,
             a
             Consultation
             was
             held
             (
             about
             me
             )
             to
             Consider
             what
             Methods
             were
             most
             proper
             to
             take
             ;
             not
             only
             to
             prevent
             my
             farther
             
             Advancing
             ,
             in
             that
             way
             (
             of
             Religion
             )
             which
             they
             Accounted
             Phanaticism
             :
             But
             also
             ,
             to
             bring
             me
             Back
             to
             the
             Church
             of
             England
             ,
             whereon
             I
             had
             turn'd
             the
             Back
             .
          
           
             The
             Result
             of
             their
             Consultation
             (
             as
             soon
             afterwards
             appeared
             )
             Issued
             in
             a
             fixed
             Resolution
             to
             carry
             it
             towards
             me
             with
             all
             the
             Urbanity
             ,
             and
             Gentleness
             imaginable
             .
             My
             Relations
             considering
             ,
             and
             knowing
             (
             full
             well
             )
             that
             my
             Temper
             ,
             and
             Spirit
             ,
             was
             to
             be
             drawn
             ,
             and
             won
             by
             Fair
             and
             Gentle
             means
             ;
             not
             to
             be
             Forc't
             ,
             by
             Violence
             .
          
           
             According
             to
             the
             Methods
             agreed
             on
             ;
             I
             was
             (
             at
             a
             strange
             and
             unusual
             Rate
             )
             Treated
             by
             my
             Father
             ,
             my
             Lord
             ,
             my
             Grand-Mothers
             ,
             my
             Uncles
             ,
             and
             Aunts
             ,
             with
             the
             Rest
             of
             my
             Relations
             ;
             in
             such
             ways
             of
             Kindness
             and
             Love
             ;
             as
             caused
             in
             me
             ,
             some
             hopes
             ,
             that
             the
             Love
             and
             Kindness
             they
             shew'd
             ,
             and
             Express'd
             in
             their
             Dealing
             with
             me
             ,
             had
             Sprung
             from
             an
             Apprehension
             (
             or
             Conviction
             )
             in
             them
             ,
             that
             the
             Principles
             (
             in
             Religion
             )
             which
             I
             had
             Embraced
             (
             in
             opposition
             to
             theirs
             )
             were
             the
             Truth
             .
             But
             I
             (
             soon
             )
             found
             that
             I
             was
             (
             herein
             )
             mistaken
             .
             For
             ,
             It
             was
             not
             long
             before
             great
             offers
             were
             made
             me
             ,
             of
             making
             a
             Purse
             ,
             to
             Set
             me
             up
             in
             the
             World
             ;
             On
             condition
             I
             would
             desist
             going
             to
             Meetings
             ;
             
             and
             return
             apain
             to
             the
             Church
             (
             wherein
             I
             was
             Born
             ,
             and
             Baptized
             :
             )
             And
             not
             bring
             such
             disgrace
             on
             the
             Holy
             Church
             ,
             of
             which
             my
             Ancestors
             were
             such
             Noted
             ,
             and
             Eminent
             Members
             .
             And
             besides
             ,
             That
             I
             might
             not
             stain
             my
             Family
             ,
             by
             occasioning
             Peoples
             saying
             ,
             that
             a
             B
             —
             (
             and
             ,
             one
             who
             was
             Son
             to
             a
             Father
             in
             the
             Church
             )
             was
             turned
             Phanatick
             .
             To
             which
             they
             Added
             ,
             The
             Consideration
             of
             what
             a
             hopeful
             Prospect
             there
             was
             before
             me
             ,
             of
             Advancement
             to
             Worldly
             Greatness
             ,
             in
             Case
             I
             did
             not
             hinder
             my self
             ,
             by
             Continuing
             a
             Dissenter
             from
             the
             Church
             ..
             And
             what
             hardship
             ,
             and
             Poverty
             ,
             I
             must
             expect
             to
             Wrestle
             with
             ,
             to
             my
             own
             Ruin
             ,
             and
             the
             great
             Disgrace
             of
             the
             whole
             Family
             ,
             in
             Case
             I
             refused
             the
             Offers
             made
             me
             ,
             and
             the
             Advice
             ,
             and
             Counsel
             given
             for
             my
             own
             good
             .
          
           
             To
             all
             which
             ,
             I
             was
             enabled
             (
             with
             an
             Holy
             Magnanimity
             ,
             and
             becoming
             Fortitude
             )
             to
             Reply
             ,
             that
             the
             Sight
             and
             Sense
             I
             had
             of
             a
             Future
             Happiness
             (
             with
             God
             in
             Heaven
             )
             had
             Blunted
             ,
             the
             Edge
             of
             my
             Appetite
             ,
             to
             these
             Poor
             ,
             Low
             ,
             and
             Empty
             Vanities
             ,
             which
             (
             I
             question
             not
             )
             will
             prove
             unspeakably
             more
             Vain
             ,
             Empty
             and
             Tormenting
             to
             me
             then
             they
             are
             in
             themselves
             )
             should
             I
             (
             for
             the
             Love
             of
             them
             )
             loose
             my
             Soul.
             
          
           
           
             In
             Case
             (
             said
             I
             )
             my
             Friends
             and
             Relations
             ,
             who
             seem
             so
             greatly
             concern'd
             ,
             for
             my
             Good
             ,
             can
             procure
             (
             from
             Heaven
             )
             an
             Infallible
             Certificate
             ,
             that
             my
             Closing
             with
             the
             Present
             offer
             (
             on
             such
             a
             Condition
             ,
             as
             is
             now
             laid
             before
             me
             )
             will
             not
             provoke
             the
             Holy
             Trinity
             ,
             and
             prove
             a
             Snare
             to
             my
             Immortal
             Soul
             ;
             I
             shall
             readily
             comply
             :
             But
             if
             they
             cannot
             ,
             it
             will
             (
             said
             I
             )
             Prove
             your
             Wisdom
             ,
             to
             let
             me
             alone
             ,
             to
             Rejoyce
             in
             the
             Choice
             I
             have
             made
             Had
             my
             Relations
             felt
             ,
             what
             I
             have
             felt
             for
             Sinning
             against
             God
             ;
             and
             could
             they
             tast
             the
             Joy
             ,
             and
             Sweet
             Comforts
             of
             God
             ,
             which
             have
             put
             me
             out
             of
             Conceit
             ,
             and
             Love
             ,
             with
             the
             present
             World.
             They
             would
             (
             I
             question
             not
             )
             be
             not
             only
             unwilling
             to
             Blame
             ,
             and
             Censure
             me
             ,
             for
             the
             choice
             I
             have
             made
             ;
             but
             they
             (
             themselves
             )
             would
             readily
             ,
             and
             Heartily
             ,
             make
             the
             same
             Choice
             ,
             for
             which
             I
             am
             now
             slighted
             and
             judged
             to
             be
             Miserable
             .
          
           
             My
             Relations
             finding
             how
             ineffectual
             their
             Methods
             prov'd
             to
             gain
             me
             ,
             they
             soon
             turn'd
             their
             Smiles
             into
             Frowns
             ,
             and
             their
             kind
             Speeches
             ,
             into
             Discourageing
             Menaces
             ,
             what
             severe
             Courses
             should
             be
             taken
             with
             me
             ,
             to
             reclaim
             ,
             and
             reduce
             me
             to
             Obedience
             .
          
           
           
             My
             Lord
             threatned
             (
             severely
             )
             that
             he
             would
             have
             me
             bound
             with
             Ropes
             on
             a
             Porters
             Back
             ,
             and
             brought
             into
             the
             Church
             ,
             in
             the
             time
             of
             Divine
             Service
             .
          
           
             
               To
               this
               I
               Reply'd
            
             ,
             That
             if
             his
             Lordship
             did
             not
             as
             well
             Gag
             my
             Mouth
             ,
             as
             Bind
             my
             Hands
             and
             Feet
             ,
             I
             would
             (
             certainly
             )
             Roar
             out
             ,
             and
             Disturb
             ,
             all
             the
             People
             at
             their
             Devotion
             .
             
               For
               fear
               of
               which
               ,
               no
               Force
               (
               of
               that
               kind
               )
               was
               offered
               me
               .
            
          
           
             After
             some
             considerable
             time
             ,
             My
             Father
             ,
             and
             Lord
             ,
             finding
             that
             neither
             Fair
             and
             Gentle
             means
             ,
             would
             Allure
             ,
             and
             Draw
             me
             to
             the
             Lyturgy
             ,
             in
             their
             Church
             ;
             and
             that
             no
             Severity
             (
             wherewith
             they
             threatened
             me
             )
             could
             Drive
             me
             from
             the
             Pure
             Worship
             of
             God
             ,
             in
             the
             Meetings
             .
             I
             was
             soon
             Attack't
             with
             greater
             ,
             and
             sharper
             Opposition
             ,
             than
             I
             had
             (
             before
             )
             met
             with
             from
             them
             .
          
           
             First
             ,
             By
             my
             Father
             ,
             Who
             (
             in
             the
             Presence
             and
             Hearing
             ,
             of
             at
             least
             Forty
             of
             our
             Family
             )
             took
             me
             to
             Task
             about
             my
             Principles
             ,
             and
             in
             regard
             of
             the
             small
             hopes
             he
             had
             of
             Convincing
             me
             ,
             by
             the
             Arguments
             he
             used
             :
             He
             openly
             declared
             ,
             his
             Resolution
             ,
             never
             to
             own
             me
             ,
             for
             his
             
             Son
             ;
             Unless
             I
             forsook
             the
             Meetings
             ,
             and
             came
             to
             the
             Church
             and
             Service
             again
             ,
             as
             formerly
             .
             And
             this
             Sir
             !
             (
             said
             my
             Father
             )
             I
             think
             fit
             to
             tell
             you
             ,
             before
             all
             these
             Friends
             ,
             to
             the
             end
             you
             may
             take
             it
             into
             Serious
             Consideration
             ,
             whether
             of
             the
             Twain
             ,
             you
             Judge
             more
             Eligible
             ;
             to
             forsake
             your
             Fanatick
             Opinion
             ,
             and
             Schismatical
             Companions
             ;
             or
             ,
             to
             be
             deprived
             of
             the
             Love
             ,
             and
             Affections
             of
             a
             Father
             .
             And
             know
             it
             Sir
             (
             said
             he
             )
             that
             I
             do
             ,
             by
             the
             Authority
             of
             a
             Father
             ,
             Command
             and
             Require
             you
             to
             fix
             on
             ,
             whether
             of
             these
             two
             ,
             you
             intend
             to
             Choose
             ,
             and
             that
             within
             a
             Week
             :
             If
             you
             resolve
             to
             hold
             your
             New
             Opinion
             ,
             I
             charge
             you
             ,
             to
             quit
             my
             Lords
             House
             ,
             and
             Provide
             another
             Lodging
             ;
             and
             as
             for
             me
             ,
             I
             charge
             you
             ,
             that
             you
             come
             not
             near
             my
             Doors
             ,
             or
             any
             of
             your
             Brethren
             ,
             or
             Sisters
             Doors
             .
             I
             'll
             see
             (
             said
             he
             )
             which
             of
             your
             Holy
             Brethren
             or
             Sisters
             will
             take
             you
             in
             .
          
           
             
               To
               this
               ,
               I
               was
               enabled
               to
               Reply
               thus
               ,
            
             (
             viz.
             )
             Sir
             ,
             Though
             you
             Resolve
             (
             according
             to
             your
             present
             Declaration
             )
             to
             cast
             me
             out
             of
             your
             Paternal
             (
             or
             Fatherly
             )
             Affections
             ,
             and
             to
             disown
             me
             for
             your
             Son
             (
             meerly
             )
             for
             my
             Conscience
             to
             God
             ,
             because
             I
             cannot
             (
             without
             greatly
             offending
             against
             God
             ,
             and
             Wounding
             my
             Conscience
             )
             Conform
             to
             those
             Inventions
             of
             
             Men
             ,
             in
             God's
             Worship
             ,
             for
             which
             ,
             I
             can
             see
             no
             Warrant
             in
             all
             the
             Scripture
             .
             I
             think
             (
             and
             Judge
             )
             it
             my
             Duty
             ,
             (
             now
             the
             Providence
             of
             God
             calls
             me
             to
             be
             Try'd
             )
             to
             be
             as
             open
             ,
             free
             ,
             and
             plain
             ,
             in
             declaring
             to
             you
             (
             in
             the
             Presence
             ,
             and
             Hearing
             of
             the
             same
             Relations
             who
             have
             heard
             yours
             to
             me
             )
             ,
             these
             Two
             things
             .
             First
             ,
             That
             I
             hope
             better
             Things
             of
             you
             ,
             than
             to
             see
             you
             Act
             so
             unnaturally
             in
             letting
             your
             Child
             Perish
             for
             want
             of
             Necessaries
             for
             Life
             ,
             And
             that
             because
             ,
             I
             dare
             not
             Act
             against
             my
             Conscience
             .
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             That
             in
             Case
             ,
             you
             do
             Resolve
             ,
             to
             Persist
             ,
             in
             this
             your
             Resolution
             ,
             I
             am
             as
             (
             fixedly
             )
             Resolved
             ,
             in
             Casting
             my self
             ;
             on
             the
             Promise
             ,
             and
             Providence
             of
             God
             ,
             what
             ever
             comes
             of
             me
             ,
             in
             this
             World.
             
          
           
             And
             before
             I
             will
             Act
             (
             herein
             )
             against
             the
             Light
             of
             God's
             Word
             ,
             and
             the
             Dictates
             of
             my
             Conscience
             within
             ,
             I
             hope
             I
             shall
             be
             Enabled
             to
             Choose
             rather
             to
             Dye
             (
             with
             Lazarus
             )
             on
             a
             Dung-hill
             ,
             for
             want
             of
             Bread.
             
               My
               Father
               (
               to
               his
               Death
               )
               kept
               his
               Resolution
               :
               and
               I
               (
               through
               the
               special
               Grace
               of
               God
               )
               have
               been
               Enabled
               to
               keep
               mine
               ,
               and
               (
               I
               hope
               )
               ever
               shall
               .
            
          
           
             After
             this
             (
             about
             three
             Days
             )
             I
             had
             a
             great
             and
             sharp
             Dispute
             with
             my
             Lord
             ,
             which
             Continued
             three
             Hours
             and
             a
             half
             (
             by
             my
             Lord's
             Chamber
             Clock
             .
             )
             The
             
             Subject
             of
             our
             Discourse
             ,
             was
             about
             Set
             Forms
             of
             Prayer
             :
             Whether
             the
             Word
             of
             God
             ,
             would
             Warrant
             ordinary
             and
             fallible
             Men
             ,
             to
             Compose
             Set
             Forms
             of
             Prayer
             ,
             and
             by
             Humane
             Authority
             to
             Impose
             the
             same
             ,
             on
             the
             Consciences
             of
             the
             People
             .
          
           
             My
             Lord
             peremptorily
             Affirm'd
             that
             Gods
             Word
             did
             Warrant
             this
             .
             And
             I
             as
             stiffly
             denied
             that
             it
             doth
             .
          
           
             For
             Proof
             of
             the
             Affirmative
             ,
             my
             Lord
             Quotes
             
               Luke
               11.
               2.
               
               When
               ye
               Pray
               ,
               say
               ,
               Our
               Father
               ,
            
             &c.
             
             Sir
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             here
             's
             a
             Positive
             ,
             Command
             to
             prove
             what
             I
             have
             Affirmed
             .
          
           
             To
             this
             ,
             I
             shall
             (
             Humbly
             )
             offer
             Two
             Things
             to
             your
             Lordships
             Serious
             Consideration
             .
          
           
             First
             ,
             The
             apparent
             differnece
             between
             the
             Two
             Evangalists
             ,
             in
             Setting
             down
             the
             Words
             of
             this
             Prayer
             :
             Luke
             saying
             ,
             
               When
               ye
               Pray
               ,
               say
               ,
               Our
               Father
               ,
            
             &c.
             
             Matthew
             ,
             (
             as
             appears
             ,
             Mat.
             6.
             9.
             
             )
             saith
             ,
             
               After
               this
               manner
               therefore
               Pray
               ye
               ,
            
             &c.
             
          
           
             I
             cannot
             understand
             (
             said
             I
             )
             how
             your
             Lordship
             can
             Reconcile
             these
             Two
             Evangelists
             ;
             so
             as
             (
             Peremptorily
             )
             to
             Conclude
             ,
             
             from
             the
             Place
             now
             Quoted
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             the
             Mind
             of
             Christ
             ,
             that
             these
             Words
             are
             to
             be
             Imposed
             on
             Believers
             ,
             as
             a
             Prayer
             ,
             or
             as
             their
             Prayer
             .
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             By
             way
             of
             Humble
             ,
             and
             Submissive
             Enquiry
             ;
             Doth
             your
             Lorship
             firmly
             Believe
             ,
             that
             the
             Form
             (
             now
             Quoted
             )
             to
             Prove
             the
             Affirmative
             is
             (
             in
             it self
             )
             a
             Compleat
             and
             Perfect
             Prayer
             ,
             containing
             all
             the
             parts
             of
             Necessary
             Prayer
             ?
          
           
             I
             Grant
             it
             Sir
             ,
             (
             Reply'd
             my
             Lord
             )
             I
             believe
             it
             is
             a
             Compleat
             ,
             and
             a
             Perfect
             Prayer
             ,
             containing
             (
             in
             it
             )
             all
             the
             Parts
             of
             Necessary
             Prayer
             .
          
           
             I
             likewise
             (
             Humbly
             )
             Presume
             ,
             That
             your
             Lordship
             takes
             it
             for
             Granted
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             the
             Mind
             of
             Christ
             ,
             that
             this
             Form
             of
             Prayer
             is
             to
             be
             Imposed
             on
             Believers
             ,
             as
             their
             Prayer
             ?
          
           
             I
             Grant
             it
             Sir
             ,
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             I
             take
             it
             for
             Granted
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             the
             Mind
             of
             Christ
             ,
             that
             that
             Form
             ,
             should
             be
             Imposed
             on
             Believers
             ,
             as
             their
             Prayer
             .
          
           
             Then
             ,
             my
             Lord
             (
             Reply'd
             I
             )
             If
             the
             Form
             (
             now
             mention'd
             )
             be
             a
             Compleat
             ,
             Perfect
             Prayer
             ;
             to
             which
             nothing
             need
             to
             be
             Added
             ;
             and
             that
             the
             same
             is
             to
             be
             Imposed
             (
             on
             Believers
             )
             as
             their
             Prayer
             ,
             and
             that
             by
             Christ's
             own
             Authority
             .
             To
             me
             it
             is
             very
             
             plain
             ,
             that
             for
             any
             men
             ,
             to
             Make
             ,
             or
             Impose
             ,
             any
             other
             Prayer
             ,
             on
             themselves
             ,
             or
             others
             ,
             it
             is
             a
             manifest
             Breach
             ,
             and
             Violation
             of
             that
             Command
             of
             Christ
             .
          
           
             I
             will
             Instance
             in
             a
             Plain
             Case
             (
             for
             Illustration
             sake
             )
             The
             Ten
             Commandments
             ,
             in
             the
             Law
             Moral
             ,
             I
             doubt
             not
             but
             your
             Lordship
             owns
             them
             to
             be
             a
             Most
             Perfect
             ,
             Compleat
             Rule
             of
             Righteousness
             ;
             containing
             all
             the
             Parts
             of
             our
             Duty
             to
             God
             and
             Man.
             
          
           
             I
             Grant
             them
             to
             be
             so
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             .
          
           
             In
             the
             next
             Place
             (
             said
             I
             )
             I
             Question
             not
             ,
             but
             your
             Lordship
             (
             as
             readily
             )
             Grants
             ,
             That
             this
             Perfect
             Rule
             of
             Righteousness
             ;
             is
             Commanded
             ,
             and
             Enjoyn'd
             ,
             by
             God's
             own
             Authority
             .
          
           
             I
             Grant
             that
             also
             (
             said
             my
             Lord
             )
             They
             are
             Commanded
             ,
             and
             Enjoyned
             ,
             by
             God's
             own
             Authority
             .
          
           
             Then
             (
             said
             I
             )
             the
             Case
             is
             Plain
             ,
             and
             cannot
             be
             deny'd
             ,
             That
             for
             any
             ,
             to
             Command
             ,
             or
             Appoint
             ,
             any
             Rule
             of
             Righteousness
             :
             besides
             those
             ,
             which
             (
             in
             themselves
             )
             are
             Compleat
             and
             Perfect
             ;
             and
             which
             are
             Enjoyn'd
             ,
             and
             Commanded
             by
             God's
             own
             Authority
             ;
             it
             is
             a
             manifest
             Breach
             ,
             and
             Violation
             of
             the
             Supream
             Law
             :
             to
             which
             ,
             nothing
             may
             be
             Added
             ;
             and
             from
             which
             ,
             nothing
             
             may
             be
             Detracted
             ;
             without
             Incurring
             the
             Displeasure
             ,
             and
             Curse
             of
             God.
             
               Deut.
               4.
               2.
               and
               12.
               32.
               
               Pro.
               30.
               6.
               
               Rev.
            
             22.
             18.
             19
          
           
             From
             Prayer
             ,
             My
             Lord
             fell
             off
             ;
             to
             Discourse
             of
             the
             Liturgy
             ,
             and
             Ceremonies
             in
             General
             ,
             the
             which
             he
             Handled
             ,
             almost
             ,
             in
             all
             the
             Particulars
             of
             them
             :
             And
             with
             such
             Advantagious
             Success
             (
             on
             my
             side
             )
             that
             my
             Lord
             (
             at
             length
             )
             grew
             weary
             ,
             and
             lest
             off
             :
             he
             having
             (
             I
             doubt
             not
             )
             found
             that
             Scripture
             in
             Psal
             .
             8.
             2.
             made
             good
             that
             Day
             .
             But
             whether
             he
             became
             sensible
             thereof
             ,
             yea
             ,
             or
             not
             ;
             sure
             I
             am
             ,
             that
             I
             found
             that
             sweet
             Promise
             ,
             in
             Luke
             21.
             15.
             made
             good
             to
             me
             that
             Day
             .
             Of
             which
             such
             notice
             was
             taken
             ;
             that
             hardly
             any
             of
             my
             Relations
             durst
             Attack
             me
             any
             more
             ,
             except
             ,
             in
             a
             way
             of
             Reproach
             ;
             and
             Railing
             against
             the
             Phanaticks
             ,
             and
             the
             New
             Religion
             I
             had
             espoused
             ,
             since
             I
             left
             the
             Church
             .
             
               The
               Good
               Lord
               be
               (
               for
               ever
               )
               Exalted
               ,
               and
               Praised
               ,
               for
               his
               Mercy
               ,
               and
               faithfullness
               ,
               to
               his
               poor
               ,
               and
               despised
               Children
               in
               a
               time
               of
               need
               .
            
          
           
             This
             was
             the
             last
             Encounter
             I
             had
             with
             my
             Lord
             ,
             about
             Religion
             ;
             for
             that
             very
             Night
             I
             took
             my
             Leave
             of
             my
             Lord
             ,
             rendering
             humble
             and
             hearty
             Thanks
             to
             his
             Lordship
             ,
             for
             all
             his
             Expressions
             of
             Love
             and
             
             Kindness
             ,
             wherewith
             I
             met
             under
             his
             Roof
             ,
             since
             I
             became
             a
             Member
             of
             his
             Family
             .
          
           
             It
             were
             endless
             to
             Relate
             ,
             the
             many
             and
             sharp
             Tryals
             ,
             to
             which
             the
             Providence
             of
             God
             called
             me
             ,
             (
             that
             I
             might
             be
             brought
             up
             in
             in
             the
             School
             of
             the
             Cross
             ,
             and
             fitted
             for
             the
             Service
             ,
             to
             which
             I
             was
             afterwards
             Called
             )
             out
             of
             all
             which
             ,
             his
             (
             never
             ,
             never
             failing
             )
             Providence
             brought
             ,
             and
             delivered
             me
             .
          
           
             Should
             I
             Expose
             in
             Print
             the
             many
             streights
             and
             difficulties
             ,
             wherewith
             I
             have
             (
             occasionally
             )
             been
             Exercised
             ,
             from
             the
             time
             of
             my
             closing
             with
             Christ
             (
             in
             the
             Gospel
             )
             to
             the
             time
             of
             my
             Call
             to
             the
             Ministry
             .
             (
             Together
             with
             the
             Methods
             Providence
             took
             to
             bring
             me
             off
             ;
             and
             working
             mine
             Escape
             and
             Deliverance
             )
             I
             believe
             it
             would
             be
             Matter
             of
             Joy
             and
             Rejoyceing
             ,
             to
             humble
             and
             (
             seriously
             )
             Religious
             Souls
             .
             But
             my
             intended
             Brevity
             forces
             me
             to
             omit
             many
             Particulars
             ,
             which
             would
             (
             I
             do
             not
             question
             )
             be
             of
             great
             use
             ,
             both
             to
             my self
             ,
             and
             others
             .
          
           
             From
             what
             I
             have
             here
             Published
             ,
             concerning
             God's
             Dealing
             with
             me
             :
             Let
             the
             following
             Observations
             ,
             be
             (
             Practically
             )
             Improv'd
             ,
             to
             God's
             Eternal
             Praise
             .
          
           
             
             
               OBSERVATION
               .
               I.
               
            
             
               See
               ,
               and
               take
               Notice
               ,
               What
               a
               Sweet
               and
               Harmonious
               Concurrence
               there
               is
               ,
               between
               God's
               Electing
               Purpose
               of
               Grace
               ,
               and
               his
               Providential
               Dispensations
               .
               The
               Foundation
               of
               all
               God's
               Gracious
               Dealings
               with
               an
               Elected
               Sinner
               ,
               is
               his
               own
               
                 Gracious
                 Purpose
                 ,
                 fixed
                 in
                 Eternity
                 .
                 Jer.
                 31.
                 3
                 
                 The
                 Lord
                 hath
                 Appeared
                 of
                 old
                 unto
                 me
                 ,
                 saying
                 ,
                 yea
                 ,
                 I
                 have
                 Loved
                 thee
                 with
                 an
                 Everlasting
                 Love
                 ;
                 therefore
                 with
                 Loving
                 Kindness
                 have
                 I
                 drawn
                 thee
                 .
              
            
             
               Here
               Note
               ,
               That
               Everlasting
               Love
               (
               in
               the
               Hebrew
               )
               signifies
               a
               Love
               of
               Eternity
               .
               From
               whence
               I
               make
               this
               Observation
               ,
               (
               viz.
               )
               That
               God
               Loves
               his
               Elect
               ,
               from
               one
               Eternity
               to
               another
               .
               With
               this
               agrees
               that
               of
               the
               Apostle
               ,
               
                 Ephes
                 .
                 1.
                 4.
                 
                 According
                 as
                 he
                 hath
                 Chosen
                 us
                 in
                 him
                 ,
                 before
                 the
                 Foundation
                 of
                 the
                 World.
              
               This
               Discovery
               of
               God's
               Love
               to
               his
               Elect
               ,
               is
               as
               a
               Millstone
               laid
               on
               the
               Back
               ,
               of
               that
               
                 Popish
                 ,
                 Arminian
              
               Doctrin
               ;
               of
               a
               Temporary
               ,
               and
               Conditional
               Election
               ,
               to
               sink
               it
               into
               the
               Bottomless
               Depth
               ,
               of
               the
               Eternal
               Abhorrence
               ,
               and
               Loathing
               of
               God
               ,
               the
               Elect
               Angels
               ,
               and
               all
               Saved
               Sinners
               .
            
             
             
               Therefore
               from
               hence
               Learn
               ,
               What
               to
               think
               ,
               and
               say
               ,
               when
               the
               Devil
               ,
               and
               thy
               vain
               Heart
               ,
               Suggest
               unto
               thee
               .
               (
               Upon
               thy
               doing
               ,
               and
               Performing
               any
               Duty
               and
               Service
               )
               now
               the
               Lord
               hath
               Elected
               (
               or
               will
               Elect
               me
               ;
               because
               I
               have
               done
               thus
               ,
               and
               thus
               .
               Reader
               !
               The
               Devil
               (
               who
               seeks
               thy
               Ruin
               )
               is
               (
               cordially
               )
               Reconciled
               to
               such
               an
               Election
               ,
               as
               this
               :
               because
               ,
               he
               knows
               it
               will
               end
               in
               thy
               Eternal
               Ruin
               ,
               if
               God
               leave
               thee
               here
               .
            
             
               Therefore
               ,
               Repel
               ,
               and
               Stave
               off
               ,
               this
               Cursed
               ,
               Popish
               ,
               Arminian
               Dream
               ,
               by
               (
               stedfastly
               )
               Believing
               ,
               and
               Affirming
               ,
               that
               God's
               Electing
               Love
               Embraced
               me
               in
               its
               Arms
               ;
               and
               Registred
               (
               or
               Enrolled
               my
               Name
               in
               the
               Lambs
               Book
               of
               Life
               ,
               before
               I
               had
               a
               Personal
               Being
               ;
               or
               any
               Capacity
               ,
               to
               do
               or
               perform
               any
               Duty
               ,
               which
               could
               move
               God
               to
               Elect
               me
               .
            
             
               Then
               ,
               when
               the
               Devil
               ,
               and
               thy
               remaining
               Unbelief
               ,
               suggest
               unto
               thee
               (
               upon
               any
               personal
               miscarriage
               ,
               or
               fall
               into
               new
               Provocation
               against
               God
               )
               now
               God
               hath
               cast
               me
               out
               of
               his
               Love
               ,
               and
               Rejected
               me
               ,
               because
               I
               have
               broken
               Covenant
               with
               him
               .
               Repel
               this
               Temptation
               ,
               by
               considering
               ,
               and
               (
               stedfastly
               )
               Believing
               ,
               that
               the
               Electing
               Love
               of
               God
               ,
               which
               Embraced
               me
               ,
               and
               Enrolled
               my
               Name
               in
               the
               Lambs
               Book
               ,
               
               (
               before
               the
               Foundation
               of
               the
               World
               )
               it
               is
               a
               Love
               ,
               like
               God
               himself
               :
               
                 As
                 without
                 Beginning
                 of
                 Time
                 ,
                 so
                 also
                 without
                 End
                 ,
                 or
                 Change
                 ,
              
               Mal.
               3.
               6.
               
            
          
           
             
               OBSERVATION
               II.
               
            
             
               See
               hence
               ,
               and
               Observe
               ,
               the
               Impossibility
               ,
               of
               frustrateing
               Gods
               Decrees
               ,
               and
               his
               Working
               Providence
               .
               The
               Deaths
               ,
               and
               Dangers
               ,
               to
               which
               I
               have
               been
               (
               so
               often
               )
               exposed
               ,
               have
               been
               so
               many
               and
               greatly
               dangerous
               ;
               that
               had
               not
               Gods
               Love
               to
               me
               ,
               and
               his
               Providence
               over
               me
               ,
               preserved
               me
               ,
               I
               had
               (
               certainly
               )
               perished
               .
               The
               Snow
               in
               which
               I
               lay
               ,
               for
               Four
               or
               Five
               Hours
               ,
               (
               at
               so
               tender
               an
               Age
               ,
               as
               but
               three
               Months
               old
               )
               was
               as
               powerful
               to
               have
               killed
               me
               (
               by
               the
               Extremity
               of
               its
               peircing
               Cold
               )
               as
               it
               was
               to
               destroy
               the
               vast
               Numbers
               of
               Men
               and
               Cattel
               ,
               which
               have
               often
               Perished
               by
               its
               Strength
               .
            
             
               The
               Element
               of
               Fire
               ,
               which
               surrounded
               me
               in
               my
               Bed
               ,
               (
               when
               buried
               in
               Sleep
               ,
               and
               no
               way
               able
               to
               help
               my self
               )
               it
               was
               of
               as
               devouring
               a
               quality
               ,
               to
               destroy
               me
               ,
               as
               the
               Fire
               that
               heat
               
               Nebuchadnezzar's
               Furnace
               ,
               was
               to
               destroy
               those
               faithful
               Worthies
               Cast
               into
               it
               ;
               had
               not
               God's
               Providenc
               restrain'd
               it
               in
               my
               Case
               ,
               as
               it
               did
               in
               theirs
               .
            
             
             
               The
               Feirceness
               ,
               and
               Teeth
               ,
               of
               the
               great
               Mastiff-Dog
               ,
               which
               had
               my
               Head
               in
               his
               Mouth
               ,
               up
               to
               the
               Throat
               ;
               was
               as
               ready
               ,
               and
               able
               ,
               to
               crush
               me
               (
               to
               Death
               )
               as
               the
               Lions
               (
               in
               the
               Den
               )
               were
               to
               crush
               Daniel
               ;
               had
               not
               the
               Care
               and
               Providence
               of
               
               Daniel's
               God
               ,
               which
               Restrain'd
               his
               Lions
               ,
               watch'd
               over
               me
               ,
               and
               restrained
               my
               Dog.
               
            
             
               The
               Element
               of
               Water
               ,
               in
               which
               I
               was
               (
               several
               times
               )
               a
               Drowning
               ,
               and
               (
               to
               all
               appearance
               )
               past
               Recovery
               ;
               It
               was
               as
               powerful
               to
               swallow
               me
               up
               ,
               and
               to
               stop
               my
               Breath
               ,
               as
               it
               was
               to
               over-whelm
               ,
               and
               choak
               Pharaoh
               and
               his
               Host
               ;
               had
               not
               God
               restrain'd
               it
               ,
               in
               my
               Case
               .
            
             
               The
               great
               Boar
               ,
               How
               strong
               and
               ready
               was
               it
               ,
               to
               rend
               my
               Bowels
               ,
               when
               (
               on
               the
               Top
               of
               me
               )
               making
               Search
               (
               with
               his
               frightful
               Tushes
               )
               to
               come
               to
               my
               Belly
               ?
               had
               not
               Divine
               Providence
               (
               so
               strangely
               ,
               and
               seasonably
               )
               sent
               the
               Gray-Hound
               ,
               in
               to
               my
               Rescue
               .
               My
               Cloaths
               rent
               ,
               and
               carry'd
               away
               in
               his
               Tushes
               .
               My
               Belly
               untouch'd
               .
               Oh
               Amazing
               Providence
               !
            
             
               The
               Two
               Horses
               (
               mention'd
               in
               the
               beginning
               of
               the
               Book
               )
               how
               near
               were
               they
               to
               putting
               a
               Period
               to
               my
               Life
               ?
               The
               one
               by
               his
               great
               Strength
               ,
               in
               throwing
               me
               ,
               and
               striking
               at
               my
               Fore-head
               (
               with
               his
               Frost
               Nails
               )
               leaving
               the
               Print
               of
               the
               Nails
               in
               my
               
               Cap
               ;
               within
               the
               thickness
               of
               Half
               a
               Crown
               peice
               ,
               to
               my
               Scull
               .
               And
               the
               other
               ,
               by
               running
               me
               fo
               far
               ,
               out
               of
               Breath
               ,
               that
               no
               motion
               of
               Life
               conld
               be
               perceived
               in
               me
               ,
               for
               so
               long
               a
               time
               as
               caused
               all
               the
               Spectators
               to
               cry
               out
               ,
               he
               is
               kill'd
               ,
               he
               is
               gon
               ,
               had
               not
               the
               Providence
               of
               Heaven
               watch'd
               over
               me
               ,
               (
               then
               )
               where
               had
               I
               been
               ?
            
             
               When
               the
               Bloody
               Papists
               had
               lain
               in
               wait
               to
               Murder
               me
               in
               Dublin
               (
               several
               times
               )
               there
               being
               several
               Parties
               of
               their
               Soldiers
               appointed
               to
               way
               lay
               me
               ,
               to
               kill
               me
               ,
               of
               which
               designs
               I
               knew
               nothing
               till
               afterwards
               .
               Who
               (
               or
               what
               )
               kept
               me
               from
               Ruine
               (
               then
               )
               but
               the
               never
               failing
               Providence
               of
               God
               ?
            
             
               When
               my
               Life
               and
               Reputation
               ,
               were
               both
               (
               equally
               )
               struck
               at
               ,
               by
               the
               Hellish
               Plot
               laid
               against
               me
               ,
               by
               that
               Man
               ,
               who
               (
               instead
               of
               Hanging
               me
               )
               would
               have
               Hang'd
               himself
               .
               Who
               wrought
               my
               Escape
               ,
               and
               Deliverance
               from
               that
               Destroyer
               ,
               but
               the
               Wonder
               Working
               Providence
               of
               Jehovah
               ?
            
             
               Such
               Plots
               ,
               as
               the
               Two
               (
               last
               )
               mentioned
               ,
               have
               prov'd
               successful
               ,
               to
               the
               destroying
               Thousands
               of
               other
               Men.
               But
               me
               they
               could
               not
               reach
               :
               Because
               ,
               I
               was
               hid
               in
               the
               Hollow
               of
               God's
               Providential
               Hand
               ?
            
             
             
               That
               Sinful
               Desparation
               ,
               and
               Unbelief
               (
               while
               under
               the
               Terrours
               of
               the
               Law
               )
               which
               sent
               
                 Cain
                 ,
                 Judas
              
               ,
               and
               Innumerable
               Millions
               of
               Adams
               Reprobate
               Posterity
               ,
               to
               Hell
               (
               the
               place
               of
               the
               Damned
               )
               What
               hindred
               ,
               that
               it
               did
               not
               Fix
               me
               in
               the
               same
               place
               ,
               and
               condition
               of
               Misery
               ?
               When
               (
               by
               the
               rageing
               power
               thereof
               )
               I
               was
               brought
               so
               near
               Hell
               (
               in
               my
               own
               apprehensions
               )
               As
               that
               I
               look'd
               on
               my self
               as
               a
               free
               Denizon
               of
               that
               Place
               ?
               What
               (
               I
               say
               )
               kept
               me
               back
               ;
               from
               descending
               into
               that
               place
               ;
               but
               the
               Providence
               of
               God
               ,
               discovering
               ,
               and
               applying
               to
               me
               ,
               (
               by
               the
               Saving
               Operation
               of
               the
               Holy
               Ghost
               )
               the
               Almighty
               Saviour
               held
               forth
               in
               the
               Gospel
               ?
            
          
           
             
               OBSERVATION
               III.
               
            
             
               See
               ,
               and
               Learn
               (
               hence
               )
               How
               like
               an
               Absolute
               and
               unlimmited
               Soveraign
               ,
               the
               great
               God
               ,
               did
               Work
               in
               my
               behalf
               .
               And
               that
               in
               behalf
               of
               my
               Soul
               ,
               as
               well
               as
               of
               my
               Body
               .
            
             
               He
               who
               by
               the
               Ministry
               of
               Man
               ;
               hath
               (
               by
               his
               own
               Blessing
               accompanying
               ,
               that
               his
               own
               Ordinance
               )
               Converted
               innumerable
               Thousands
               of
               the
               Elect
               ;
               it
               pleased
               him
               Convert
               and
               Call
               me
               ,
               out
               of
               my
               Natural
               State
               ,
               to
               a
               State
               of
               Grace
               ,
               without
               
               the
               Ministry
               of
               Man.
               And
               that
               ,
               both
               by
               awakening
               ,
               and
               wounding
               me
               ,
               by
               the
               Spirit
               of
               Bondage
               ,
               setting
               home
               (
               by
               the
               Law
               )
               the
               Sight
               ,
               and
               Sense
               ,
               of
               my
               Lost
               Estate
               .
               And
               by
               Healing
               ,
               and
               Curing
               the
               Bleeding
               Wounds
               ,
               of
               my
               Despairing
               Soul
               ,
               by
               the
               Spirit
               of
               Adoption
               :
               Discovering
               ,
               and
               Applying
               to
               me
               ;
               the
               Merit
               ,
               and
               Saving
               Virtue
               of
               Christ's
               Mediatoral
               Righteousness
               .
               Which
               hath
               occasioned
               my
               often
               thinking
               ,
               of
               what
               is
               Storied
               of
               Achilles
               ,
               a
               notable
               Archer
               among
               the
               Heathen
               :
               who
               gave
               such
               Wounds
               by
               the
               Arrows
               he
               Shot
               ,
               as
               no
               Hand
               (
               but
               his
               own
               )
               could
               Cure.
               
                 Vna
                 Eademque
                 Manus
                 ,
                 Vulnus
                 ,
                 Opemque
                 tulit
                 .
              
               The
               self
               same
               Hand
               ,
               which
               gave
               the
               Wound
               brought
               the
               Cure.
               
            
             
               How
               true
               this
               is
               of
               Achilles
               ,
               I
               am
               uncertain
               :
               but
               in
               this
               ,
               of
               the
               Wounding
               ,
               and
               Healing
               of
               my
               Soul.
               I
               am
               not
               more
               certain
               of
               any
               thing
               in
               Nature
               ,
               than
               I
               am
               ,
               that
               the
               Spirit
               of
               Christ
               ,
               which
               Wounded
               me
               ,
               by
               the
               Law
               ,
               did
               also
               Heal
               me
               by
               the
               Gospel
               .
               
                 Job
                 5.
                 18.
                 
                 For
                 he
                 maketh
                 Sore
                 ,
                 and
                 Bindeth
                 up
                 :
                 He
                 Woundeth
                 ,
                 and
                 his
                 Hands
                 make
                 whole
                 .
              
            
          
           
             
               OBSERVATION
               IV.
               
            
             
               See
               ,
               and
               Learn
               (
               hence
               )
               How
               stedfast
               ,
               and
               faithful
               ,
               God
               is
               ,
               to
               his
               Word
               of
               Promise
               ▪
               
               When
               for
               Christ
               and
               the
               Gospel
               ,
               was
               forsaken
               ,
               and
               cast
               off
               ,
               by
               my
               Father
               ,
               and
               all
               other
               Fleshly
               Relations
               (
               being
               turn'd
               out
               ,
               empty
               handed
               to
               the
               wide
               World
               ,
               and
               not
               knowing
               whether
               to
               go
               ,
               or
               what
               to
               do
               )
               God
               took
               care
               of
               me
               ,
               and
               provided
               a
               Lodging
               ,
               and
               Friends
               ,
               for
               me
               ,
               which
               (
               with
               the
               Peace
               of
               my
               Conscience
               )
               gave
               me
               more
               satisfaction
               ,
               and
               comfortable
               content
               ,
               than
               all
               the
               Gallantry
               and
               Greatness
               of
               my
               Fleshly
               Relations
               .
               Those
               sweet
               Promises
               ,
               Recorded
               in
               the
               Scriptures
               ,
               and
               made
               good
               by
               the
               Providence
               of
               God
               ,
               have
               oftentimes
               Refreshed
               ,
               and
               Ravish'd
               my
               pensive
               ,
               and
               weary
               Soul.
               
                 Psal
                 .
                 27.
                 10.
                 
                 When
                 my
                 Father
                 and
                 my
                 Mother
                 forsake
                 me
                 ,
                 then
                 the
                 Lord
                 will
                 take
                 me
                 up
                 .
                 Mat.
                 19
                 29.
                 
                 And
                 every
                 one
                 that
                 hath
                 forsaken
                 Houses
                 ,
                 or
                 Brethren
                 ,
                 or
                 Sisters
                 ,
                 or
                 Father
                 ,
                 or
                 Mother
                 ,
                 or
                 Wife
                 ,
                 or
                 Children
                 ,
                 or
                 Lands
                 ,
                 for
                 my
                 Name
                 's
                 sake
                 ,
                 shall
                 Receive
                 an
                 Hundred
                 fold
                 ;
                 and
                 shall
                 Inherit
                 Everlasting
                 Life
                 .
                 Heb.
                 13.
                 5.
                 
                 Let
                 your
                 Conversation
                 be
                 without
                 Covetousness
                 ,
                 and
                 be
                 content
                 with
                 such
                 things
                 as
                 ye
                 have
                 :
                 For
                 he
                 hath
                 said
                 ,
                 I
                 will
                 never
                 ,
                 never
                 ,
                 never
                 ,
                 never
                 ,
                 never
                 leave
                 thee
                 ,
                 nor
                 forsake
                 thee
                 .
              
               The
               Greek
               hath
               (
               no
               less
               than
               )
               five
               Negatives
               ,
               in
               this
               one
               Scripture
               ,
               to
               assure
               the
               true
               Believer
               ,
               that
               God
               will
               in
               no
               wise
               forget
               ,
               or
               forsake
               him
               .
            
             
             
               I
               have
               been
               forsaken
               of
               my
               Nurse
               ,
               when
               but
               three
               Months
               old
               ;
               but
               I
               was
               taken
               into
               the
               Nursery
               of
               God's
               Providential
               Care
               ,
               which
               causes
               in
               me
               (
               often
               )
               to
               think
               (
               with
               Comfort
               )
               of
               that
               in
               
                 Psal
                 .
                 22.
                 10.
                 
                 I
                 was
                 cast
                 upon
                 thee
                 from
                 the
                 Womb
                 :
                 thou
                 art
                 my
                 God
                 ,
                 from
                 my
                 Mothers
                 Belly
                 .
              
               The
               same
               Providence
               ,
               which
               took
               Care
               of
               the
               Head
               ,
               takes
               Care
               also
               of
               the
               Members
               .
            
             
               I
               was
               forsaken
               of
               my
               Bodily
               Physitians
               ,
               But
               the
               Great
               Physitian
               of
               Soul
               ,
               and
               Body
               ,
               Cur'd
               me
               ,
               by
               poor
               Contemptible
               Snails
               .
            
             
               I
               was
               forsaken
               of
               my
               Earthly
               Father
               ,
               and
               all
               Fleshly
               Relations
               ;
               But
               God
               is
               become
               (
               by
               Grace
               and
               Free
               Adoption
               )
               my
               Father
               ,
               who
               will
               never
               forske
               me
               Totally
               ,
               or
               Finally
               .
            
             
               I
               was
               forsaken
               ,
               by
               my
               Brethren
               ,
               and
               Sisters
               ;
               But
               those
               who
               are
               the
               Sons
               and
               Daughters
               of
               God
               ,
               they
               are
               become
               my
               Brethren
               ,
               and
               Sisters
               .
               And
               albeit
               ,
               many
               of
               them
               ,
               who
               know
               me
               not
               ,
               are
               (
               on
               Malicious
               Reports
               )
               prejudiced
               against
               me
               ;
               yet
               others
               of
               them
               (
               who
               know
               me
               ,
               and
               Gods
               dealing
               with
               me
               )
               they
               Love
               me
               dearly
               .
            
             
               I
               have
               been
               forsaken
               ,
               by
               several
               of
               my
               Church
               Members
               ,
               in
               Ireland
               and
               England
               ,
               Christ
               my
               Lord
               and
               Master
               hath
               been
               so
               before
               me
               .
               
                 Jo.
                 6.
                 66.
                 
                 From
                 that
                 time
                 many
                 of
                 his
                 
                 Disciples
                 went
                 back
                 ,
                 and
                 walked
                 no
                 more
                 with
                 him
                 .
              
               Yet
               God
               is
               my
               God
               still
               .
            
             
               I
               have
               been
               forsaken
               of
               My
               Brethren
               in
               the
               Sacred
               Office
               ,
               and
               left
               to
               stand
               alone
               ,
               when
               Popery
               and
               Quakerism
               ,
               were
               coming
               in
               like
               a
               Floud
               ;
               None
               stepping
               in
               ,
               to
               help
               or
               Encourage
               me
               ,
               against
               those
               Adversaries
               of
               Gods
               Religion
               .
               But
               he
               that
               stood
               by
               Paul
               (
               when
               all
               other
               Preachers
               (
               in
               his
               day
               )
               forsook
               him
               )
               stood
               by
               me
               ,
               and
               emboldned
               me
               against
               their
               Threats
               ,
               and
               Malice
               .
            
             
               I
               had
               Thoughts
               of
               Printing
               the
               most
               material
               Objections
               ,
               brought
               in
               by
               Satan
               ,
               to
               distress
               ,
               and
               distract
               a
               poor
               Sinner
               ,
               to
               keep
               him
               from
               Christ
               .
               And
               how
               the
               Spirit
               of
               Grace
               ,
               Taught
               and
               Enabled
               me
               ,
               to
               Answer
               them
               all
               .
               But
               my
               intended
               Brevity
               hath
               Prevented
               me
               therein
               .
               
                 All
                 Glory
                 ,
                 Honour
                 ,
                 and
                 Eternal
                 Praise
                 ,
                 to
                 the
                 only
                 Wise
                 and
                 Glorious
                 God
                 ,
                 Father
                 ,
                 Son
                 ,
                 and
                 Holy
                 Ghost
                 .
              
               Amen
               ,
               Amen
               .
            
          
        
      
       
         
         
           Postscript
           .
        
         
           LEst
           Satan
           should
           get
           an
           Advantage
           ,
           by
           this
           Relation
           ,
           of
           God's
           strange
           and
           wonderful
           dealing
           with
           me
           ,
           in
           bringing
           me
           Home
           to
           Christ
           (
           in
           such
           an
           unusual
           manner
           )
           and
           his
           Handling
           me
           so
           sharply
           ,
           by
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Bondage
           .
           As
           also
           ,
           his
           Bountiful
           dealing
           with
           me
           ,
           in
           making
           my
           Soul
           ,
           the
           Receptacle
           ,
           of
           such
           Ravishing
           Joy
           ,
           and
           unutterable
           Consolation
           ,
           upon
           Believing
           (
           in
           Christ
           )
           in
           Effectual
           Calling
           .
           I
           thought
           it
           may
           be
           seasonable
           ,
           to
           give
           the
           present
           Caution
           ,
           to
           the
           Poor
           Doubting
           ,
           Tempted
           Believer
           ;
           who
           (
           through
           Satans
           Subtilty
           Tempting
           )
           will
           find
           him
           (
           or
           her
           )
           self
           wretchedly
           Prone
           to
           Conclude
           (
           from
           what
           they
           read
           of
           my
           Conversion
           )
           That
           the
           Work
           of
           true
           Conversion
           ,
           was
           never
           yet
           (
           effectually
           )
           wrought
           in
           themselves
           .
           And
           that
           
           because
           ,
           they
           were
           never
           under
           such
           Terrible
           ,
           Bondage
           of
           Soul.
           Neither
           (
           ever
           yet
           )
           were
           lifted
           up
           so
           near
           Heaven
           as
           I
           was
           .
        
         
           Such
           Poor
           Tempted
           Believers
           ,
           are
           to
           consider
           ,
           the
           Particulars
           following
           ,
           for
           their
           help
           ,
           and
           relief
           ,
           against
           the
           Tempter
           in
           this
           Case
           .
        
         
           First
           ,
           Consider
           ,
           That
           as
           in
           Nature
           ,
           there
           is
           a
           vast
           disparity
           ,
           or
           difference
           between
           Persons
           ,
           in
           the
           Natural
           Birth
           ;
           so
           there
           is
           as
           vast
           a
           difference
           ,
           in
           the
           Spiritual
           Birth
           .
           Some
           Women
           go
           through
           (
           abundantly
           )
           more
           ,
           and
           sharper
           Pains
           ,
           and
           Throws
           in
           Travel
           ,
           than
           others
           meet
           with
           .
           Some
           Babes
           ,
           meet
           with
           greater
           difficulties
           ,
           and
           dangers
           in
           the
           Birth
           ,
           than
           do
           others
           .
           The
           causes
           whereof
           (
           in
           Nature
           )
           tho
           they
           appear
           not
           to
           us
           ,
           yet
           it
           is
           most
           certain
           ,
           that
           so
           it
           is
           .
        
         
           So
           in
           Conversion
           ,
           some
           Souls
           pass
           through
           greater
           Horror
           and
           Bondage
           (
           in
           the
           Consciences
           than
           others
           do
           .
           Some
           are
           brought
           (
           as
           it
           were
           )
           through
           the
           very
           Jaws
           of
           Hell
           ,
           and
           desparation
           (
           as
           I
           was
           )
           others
           are
           dealt
           more
           easily
           and
           gently
           with
           ,
           
           Being
           sweetly
           allured
           ,
           and
           (
           as
           it
           were
           )
           insensibly
           Transplanted
           into
           Christ
           ,
           they
           not
           well
           knowing
           what
           is
           done
           to
           them
           .
           Paul
           and
           the
           rugged
           Jaylor
           ,
           were
           handled
           more
           roughly
           ,
           their
           Conscience
           were
           more
           deeply
           Wounded
           ,
           with
           the
           frightning
           Terrors
           of
           God's
           Law
           (
           set
           Home
           by
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Bondage
           )
           than
           Lydia
           ,
           whose
           Heart
           the
           Lord
           opened
           ,
           with
           more
           gentle
           Touches
           of
           his
           Spirit
           .
           
             Acts
             9.
             6.
             
             Acts
          
           16.
           15
           ,
           29.
           
        
         
           That
           Woman
           who
           is
           safely
           Delivered
           ,
           without
           any
           danger
           or
           great
           difficulty
           to
           herself
           ,
           or
           her
           Babe
           ,
           hath
           no
           reason
           to
           question
           ,
           whether
           she
           be
           indeed
           Delivered
           ,
           because
           she
           went
           not
           through
           such
           danger
           ,
           and
           difficulty
           as
           her
           Neighbour
           did
           ,
           who
           narrowly
           escaped
           with
           her
           Life
           :
           neither
           hath
           she
           any
           Cause
           ,
           of
           being
           Jealous
           with
           her
           Neighbour
           ,
           because
           her
           case
           or
           condition
           ,
           was
           more
           dangerous
           and
           desperate
           in
           Travel
           than
           was
           her
           own
           .
           Thou
           who
           art
           brought
           to
           Christ
           ,
           by
           the
           gentle
           Drawings
           of
           the
           spirit
           of
           Grace
           ;
           and
           not
           brought
           so
           nigh
           ,
           to
           the
           affrightning
           sight
           of
           Hell.
           And
           to
           such
           a
           Sense
           ,
           and
           feeling
           ,
           of
           the
           Pains
           of
           the
           Damned
           :
           As
           have
           caused
           
           some
           to
           think
           themselves
           (
           actually
           )
           in
           Hell.
           Admire
           at
           ,
           and
           Bless
           God
           ,
           for
           his
           Condescention
           towards
           thee
           ,
           in
           bringing
           thee
           through
           the
           New
           Birth
           so
           easily
           .
        
         
           Secondly
           ,
           Consider
           ,
           That
           albeit
           ,
           the
           truth
           of
           thy
           Conversion
           ,
           be
           not
           so
           sensibly
           discern'd
           ,
           as
           the
           Conversion
           of
           that
           Person
           is
           ,
           who
           is
           brought
           Home
           in
           the
           way
           of
           Legal
           Terror
           .
           Yet
           thou
           art
           bound
           to
           Bless
           God
           ,
           for
           the
           smallest
           measure
           of
           Grace
           ,
           bestowed
           on
           thee
           ,
           as
           the
           smallest
           Spark
           of
           Fire
           (
           tho'
           it
           be
           hid
           under
           a
           great
           heap
           of
           Ashes
           )
           is
           as
           truly
           Fire
           ,
           as
           the
           greatest
           Fire
           in
           Nature
           .
           So
           thy
           small
           Grace
           ,
           which
           (
           in
           comparison
           of
           some
           others
           Grace
           )
           may
           be
           so
           weak
           ,
           and
           little
           ,
           that
           it
           can
           scarcely
           be
           discerned
           ,
           yet
           Grace
           it
           is
           ,
           tho'
           thou
           know
           it
           not
           to
           be
           so
           .
           And
           he
           who
           bestowed
           it
           on
           thee
           ,
           and
           wrought
           it
           in
           thee
           ;
           he
           will
           never
           reject
           or
           neglect
           thee
           ,
           because
           of
           thy
           little
           Grace
           ,
           while
           he
           sees
           thee
           Constant
           and
           Diligent
           ,
           in
           the
           use
           of
           means
           Labouring
           to
           grow
           in
           Grace
           .
           
             Esa
             .
             42.
             3.
             
             Mat.
             5.
             6.
             
             Esa
             .
             41.
             17.
             
             Phil.
          
           1.
           6.
           
        
         
         
           Oh!
           But
           I
           do
           not
           find
           ,
           that
           I
           am
           brought
           to
           Christ
           ,
           and
           which
           is
           far
           worse
           ,
           I
           fear
           ,
           I
           never
           shall
           .
        
         
           To
           this
           ,
           I
           Answer
           ,
           in
           Two
           Particulars
           .
        
         
           First
           ,
           Thy
           very
           fear
           ,
           about
           this
           (
           greatest
           of
           Concerns
           )
           is
           an
           Argument
           of
           thy
           Translation
           from
           the
           First
           Adam
           ,
           to
           the
           Second
           Adam
           ,
           Christ
           Jesus
           the
           Lord.
           If
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Grace
           ,
           had
           not
           given
           thee
           ,
           some
           Sight
           and
           Taste
           ,
           of
           the
           Excellency
           ,
           and
           Sweetness
           of
           Christ
           ;
           thou
           couldest
           never
           prize
           ,
           or
           desire
           after
           him
           .
           'T
           is
           only
           the
           Child
           that
           hath
           Tasted
           the
           Hony
           or
           Sugar
           ,
           that
           Longs
           ,
           and
           Crys
           for
           more
           .
        
         
           Secondly
           ,
           If
           thou
           findest
           a
           fixt
           Resolution
           in
           thy
           Soul
           ,
           in
           going
           on
           to
           seek
           the
           Lord.
           And
           his
           Strength
           ,
           by
           Prayer
           and
           Supplication
           :
           and
           other
           means
           of
           Grace
           ,
           not
           resting
           in
           ,
           or
           depending
           upon
           them
           ,
           but
           on
           Christ
           (
           alone
           )
           for
           Life
           and
           Salvation
           .
           My
           Life
           for
           thine
           ,
           come
           Death
           ,
           when
           God
           Pleaseth
           to
           send
           it
           :
           it
           will
           end
           
           all
           thy
           fears
           ,
           and
           put
           thee
           beyond
           the
           reach
           of
           all
           thine
           Enemies
           .
           Thy
           frequent
           Crying
           to
           God
           ,
           (
           in
           Prayer
           )
           for
           Christ
           ,
           and
           Saving
           Grace
           :
           is
           the
           Eccho
           of
           Christ
           Praying
           (
           for
           thea
           )
           at
           the
           Throne
           of
           Grace
           .
           And
           thy
           going
           on
           ,
           and
           continuing
           to
           Watch
           at
           Wisdoms
           Gates
           ,
           could
           not
           (
           possibly
           )
           be
           ,
           without
           invisible
           Supplies
           of
           Spiritual
           Strength
           ,
           Communicated
           to
           thy
           Soul
           ,
           by
           the
           Spirit
           of
           Christ
           .
        
         
           THE
           END
           .