A83537	----	Two orders of Parliament concerning the apprehending of thieves. Die Veneris, 10 Januarii, 1650. England and Wales. Parliament. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A83537 of text in the English Short Title Catalog (Thomason 669.f.15[74*]). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 2 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 1 1-bit group-IV TIFF page image. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A83537 Wing E2395 Thomason 669.f.15[74*] 99870732 99870732 163148 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A83537) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 163148) Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 246:669f15[74*]) Two orders of Parliament concerning the apprehending of thieves. Die Veneris, 10 Januarii, 1650. England and Wales. Parliament. 1 sheet ([1] p.) Printed by Edward Husband and John Field, Printers to the Parliament of England, London : 1650 [i.e. 1651] Order to print dated: Die Veneris, 10 Januarii, 1650 [i.e., 1651]. Signed: Hen: Scobell, Cleric. Parliamenti. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Thieves -- England -- Early works to 1800. Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1649-1660 -- Early works to 1800. A83537 (Thomason 669.f.15[74*]). civilwar no Two orders of Parliament concerning the apprehending of thieves.: Die Veneris, 10 Januarii, 1650. England and Wales. Parliament. 1651 332 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 A This text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. 2007-11 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2007-11 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2007-12 Elspeth Healey Sampled and proofread 2007-12 Elspeth Healey Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Two Orders of Parliament concerning the Apprehending of THIEVES . Die Veneris , 10 Januarii , 1650. Ordered by the Parliament , THat such person or persons who shall at any time within the space of one whole year ( viz. ) from the Tenth day of January One thousand six hundred and fifty , unto the Tenth of January One thousand six hundred fifty and one , Apprehend and bring in safe Custody before any Iustice of Peace , or any other Officer of Iustice , any person that hath committed , or shall commit any Burglary , or any Robbery on the High-way ; or that hath or shall break open any dwelling House , or enter into any such House , and there use any violence upon any persons or their Goods dwelling or residing there ; Vpon the conviction of such person Apprehended , shall have a reward of Ten pounds for every such person so apprehended and convicted . Ordered by the Parliament , THat all and every the Sheriff and Sheriffs of the respective Counties in England and Wales , where such Apprehension and Conviction shall be made and had , be required ( upon the Certificate of the Iudge , or under the Hands of two or more Iustices of the Peace before whom such conviction shall be made ) to pay unto such person or persons who shall Apprehend such Offender , the reward aforesaid of Ten-pounds for every Offender so Apprehended and Convicted , out of the Publique moneys received by him in that County ; and that the same shall be allowed unto him upon his Accompts in the Exchequer . Die Veneris , 10 Januarii , 1650. ORdered by the Parliament , That these two Orders be forthwith printed and published . Hen : Scobell , Cleric . Parliamenti . London , Printed by Edward Husband and John Field , Printers to the Parliament of England , 1650. 
A79319	----	By the King. A proclamation for quieting possessions Proclamations. 1660-06-01 England and Wales. Sovereign (1660-1685 : Charles II) This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A79319 of text R225521 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing C3397). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 2 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 1 1-bit group-IV TIFF page image. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A79319 Wing C3397 ESTC R225521 99897939 99897939 171059 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A79319) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 171059) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 2552:14) By the King. A proclamation for quieting possessions Proclamations. 1660-06-01 England and Wales. Sovereign (1660-1685 : Charles II) Charles II, King of England, 1630-1685. 1 sheet ([1] p.) printed by Christopher Barker and John Bill, printers to the Kings most excellent Majesty, London : 1660. At end of text: Given at our court at Whitehal the first day of June, 1660. and in the twelfth year of our reign. Steele notation: Scotland whilest often; Arms 23. Reproduction of original in the Henry E. Huntington Library. eng Riots -- England -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- England -- Early works to 1800. Public welfare -- Law and legislation -- England -- Early works to 1800. Great Britain -- History -- Charles II, 1660-1685 -- Early works to 1800. Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1660-1688 -- Early works to 1800. Broadsides -- England A79319 R225521 (Wing C3397). civilwar no By the King. A proclamation for quieting possessions. England and Wales. Sovereign 1660 349 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 A This text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. 2008-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2008-08 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-09 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2008-09 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2009-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion C R DIEV ET MON DROIT HONI SOIT QVI MAL Y PENSE royal blazon or coat of arms By the King . A PROCLAMATION For Quieting POSSESSIONS . CHARLES R. CHARLES , By the Grace of God , of England , Scotland , France , and Ireland , King , Defender of the Faith , &c. To all Our loving Subjects of Our Realm of England , and Dominion of Wales , Greeting . We taking notice by the Information of the Lords and Commons now assembled in Parliament , That several Riots have been committed , and forcible Entries made upon the Possessions of divers of Our Subjects , as well Ecclesiastical as Temporal , who have been setled in the said Possessions by any lawful or pretended Authority , and that without any Order of Parliament or Legal Eviction , to the disturbance of the Publick Peace , whilest these Matters are under the consideration of Our Parliament . We therefore , by the advice of Our Lords and Commons aforesaid , for prevention of the like Riots and forcible Entries , and preservation of the Publick Peace of this Our Realm , Do by this Our Proclamation , command , publish , and declare , That no Person or Persons , Ecclesiastical or Temporal , shall presume forcibly to enter upon , or disturbe the said Possessions , or any of them , till Our Parliament shall take order therein , or an Eviction be had by due course of Law . And all Our Justices of the Peace , Majors , Sheriffs , and other Ministers of Justice , and all other Our loving Subjects , are hereby required to be aiding and assisting in the Execution of this Our Proclamation , as often as occasion shall require , as they will avoid Our Royal displeasure . Given at Our Court at Whitehal the First day of June , 1660. and in the Twelfth Year of Our Reign . London , Printed by Christopher Barker and John Bill , Printers to the Kings most Excellent Majesty . 1660. 
A87069	----	The speech and confession of Mr. Richard Hannam on Tuesday last in the rounds of Smithfield, being the 17. of this instant June immediately before his great and fatall leap from off the ladder together with a true and perfect description of his life and death; his several rambles, figaries, exploits, and designs, performed in most parts of Europe; especially upon the king of Scots, the queen of Sweden, the kings of France, Spain, and Denmark, the high and mighty States of Holland, the great Turk, and the pope of Rome. This is licensed and entred, according to speciall order and command. Hannam, Richard, d. 1656. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A87069 of text R207281 in the English Short Title Catalog (Thomason E882_5). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 6 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 5 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A87069 Wing H655 Thomason E882_5 ESTC R207281 99866342 99866342 168390 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A87069) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 168390) Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 133:E882[5]) The speech and confession of Mr. Richard Hannam on Tuesday last in the rounds of Smithfield, being the 17. of this instant June immediately before his great and fatall leap from off the ladder together with a true and perfect description of his life and death; his several rambles, figaries, exploits, and designs, performed in most parts of Europe; especially upon the king of Scots, the queen of Sweden, the kings of France, Spain, and Denmark, the high and mighty States of Holland, the great Turk, and the pope of Rome. This is licensed and entred, according to speciall order and command. Hannam, Richard, d. 1656. 8 p. Printed for G. Horton, London, : 1656. In the title the words "being the 17. of this instant June" are enclosed in square brackets. Annotation on Thomason copy: "June 18". Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Hannam, Richard, d. 1656. Executions and executioners -- England -- Early works to 1800. Suicide victims -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- England -- Early works to 1800. Swindlers and swindling -- England -- Early works to 1800. A87069 R207281 (Thomason E882_5). civilwar no The speech and confession of Mr. Richard Hannam on Tuesday last in the rounds of Smithfield, being the 17. of this instant June immediately Hannam, Richard 1656 1024 1 0 0 0 0 0 10 C The rate of 10 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2008-05 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2008-08 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-10 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2008-10 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2009-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE SPEECH AND CONFESSION OF Mr. RICHARD HANNAM ON Tuesday last in the Rounds of Smithfield , [ being the 17. of this instant June ] immediatly before his great and fatall Leap from off the Ladder Together with a true and perfect Description of his Life and Death ; his several Rambles , Figaries , Exploits , and Designs , performed in most parts of Europe ; especially upon the King of Scots , the Queen of Sweden , the Kings of France , Spain , and Denmark , the High and Mighty States of Holland , the great Turk , and the Pope o●Rome . This is Licensed and Entred , according to speciall Order and Command . LONDON , Printed for G. HORTON , 1656. THE SPEECH AND CONFESSION Of Mr. Richard Hannam , on Tuesday last in the Rounds of Smithfield , immediatly before his fatall Leap from off the Ladder , &c. IN the days of William the Conquerour , we read of one Simon Lupus , a notable Carver , so called by the Saxons , who in one half year , had purchased above 3000 l. as the Ganters term it ; but not long after , lost both that , and life and all ; for being sentenced at Chester to be hanged , he vowed that no man should never do it ; and accordingly being upon the Ladder , he desperately leaped off : In like manner , Mr. Hannam , [ the subject of this Discourse ] far exceeding cutting Dick , bold Peacock , valiant Cheyny , and famous Hind , hath desperately acted the like Theatre ; for note , that upon his first breaking out of Newgate , he crossed the sea to Amsterdam , and robbed the Bank of abundance of rich Treasure : from thence he went to the Hague , where he robbed the Qu. of Bohemia also of many rich Jewels , Rings , and Plate : He robd the Queen of Sweden , he robd the K. of Scots ; he robbed the Kings of Spain and France , and likewise the Prince of Turks : insomuch , that in one years space , he got above 17000 l. in Gold , Silver , Plate , and Jewels All which Treasure , was not formidable enough to preserve him from the hand of Justice ; but upon his return from his Europian Rambles , he lodged in Bear-binder Lane at one Mr. Chamberlains , and on Saturday June 14. towards evening , he , with his Father Rud , another , and Mrs. Dale , ( a Fidlers wife ) came to Mr. Laughorns , a Victualling-house , went up stairs , called for a cup of Beer , pickt open a Chest , stole out 8 l. 19 s. in money , which the woman carryed away : but being suspected , two of them was apprehended , Hannam escaped out of the house top , and returning about 4 hours after , was taken , carryed to Newgate , and from thence to execution , where he made this ensuing Speech , viz. Mr. Sheriffs , ALthough I am a Prisoner , and condemned to die ; yet I cannot but retain a favourable Construction of your Proceedings ( this day ) towards me ; presuming , that you will not deny me that Liberty , due to all Christians , from Christian Magistrates , which is , that I may be permitted the freedome of speech , to clear the Innocent ( at this my hour of death ) that now lye accused , as being privy to my Designs , and Confederates with me in my late actions : As for my part , resolved I am to accuse no man : no , no , Gentlemen , I abhor the thought , much more detest the Action of so horrid and foul a Crime ; and on the contrary , am as willing and free , to clear those that are accused for me ; which it seems is my poor Landlord and Landlady , Mr. Chamberlain and his Wife , whose hard Fate , and cruel Destiny from my soul I pitty , as much as my own , and do protest their Innocency in all respects [ towards me ] whatsoever . However , seeing it is my unhappy fortune , to end my days upon this Gibbet , I humbly submit to the Divine Hand of Justice , and desire the Prayers of all good Christians , to Almighty God , earnestly to implore a remission of all my sins , which are many ; and inable me to sayl through this violent Storm and Tempest , that so at the last I may arrive at the Haven of Happiness , there to cast my Anchor of Faith and to lay hold on my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ : And so farewell , farewell unto you all . Then turning himself about , Mr. Clerk the Minister of Newgate spake unto him by way of Exhortation ; and after him , one Mr. Cudson ; unto whom he was very attentive , and seemed to have a very relenting spirit , &c. But the hour drawing neer , he was commanded up the Ladder , where the Executioner sate ready to do his Office ; and having put the Rope about his Neck , Mr. Hannam pulled out a white Cap out of his Pocket , and giving it to the Executioner , he put it on the said Hannams head , and after that , his mourning Ribbon that he wore about his Hat , and so lifting up his hands to Heaven , and the Executioner laying his hand upon his shoulder , [ which was the sign ] asking if he was ready , he immediatly leaped off on the left side , uttering these words : Lord have mercy upon me . FINIS . 
A94427	----	To His Highness the Lord Protector, and the Parliament of England, &c. Chidley, Samuel. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A94427 of text R207427 in the English Short Title Catalog (Thomason E903_10). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 8 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 3 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A94427 Wing T1368 Thomason E903_10 ESTC R207427 99866477 99866477 118752 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A94427) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 118752) Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 136:E903[10]) To His Highness the Lord Protector, and the Parliament of England, &c. Chidley, Samuel. 4 p. s.n., [London : 1657] Attributed to Samuel Chidley. Caption title. Imprint from Wing. An address to Cromwell, praying him to abolish capital punishment for stealing. Printed in red ink. Annotation on Thomason copy: "March 2d 1656"; [illegible] formerly March 1656". Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Capital punishment -- England -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- England -- Early works to 1800. Crime -- England -- Early works to 1800. Criminals -- England -- Early works to 1800. Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1649-1660 -- Early works to 1800. A94427 R207427 (Thomason E903_10). civilwar no To His Highness the Lord Protector, and the Parliament of England, &c.: Chidley, Samuel. 1657 1461 91 0 0 0 0 0 623 F The rate of 623 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. 2007-04 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2007-05 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-07 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2008-07 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-09 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion To his Highness the Lord Protector , and the Parliament of England , &c. Mortal Gods , THe Eternal Being , without which nothing can be , hath made of one blood all nations of men Act. 17. 26. Men are the off spring of God , v. 29. and made in his own image , Gen. 1. 23. and therefore God said unto our fathers soon after the floud , Whoso sheddeth man● blood , by man shall his blood b● sh●d , Gen. 9. 6. Yea , ( except in some special cases ) bloud must be shed for the bloud of a thief : for he should have lived to make full restitution , Exo. 22. 3. And therefore you ought to be more tender of a mans life , then of matter of estate : and all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to y●u , ye should do even so to them , Mat. 7. 1. And I have so much charity towards you , to hope that you are not void of all humanity , but have some natural aff●ction ; so that if any of your children or neer relations through poverty should fall to steal , and happen to be hanged for the value of 13 d. ob ( or press'd to death for not ●peaking ) it would touch you to the quick . And think you that other mens children and relations are not as dear and precious to them , as yours are to you ? And this 〈◊〉 say , not that I allow of theft , nor do I know any of my relations guilty thereof ; but only shew unto you the unnatur●lness of the act and fact of putting men to death for simple Theft ; that so you may be thorowly sensible and sorrowful , and you hearts may be made better , Eccl. 7. ● . You know it 's a common thing to arraign men for stealing Horses ; a man is hang'd ordinarily for a Mare : for your Law values not a man more then a horse : Is not this a brutish estimation , O ye Heads of Great Britain ? You have sate now above these 40 days twice told , and passed some Acts for transporting Corn and Cattel out of the Land , and against Charls Stuart's , &c. but ( as I humbly conceive ) have left undone matters of greater concernment ▪ amongst which , the not curbing this over-much justice in hanging men for Stealing , is one ; the not supp●●ssing the Pressing of men to death for not a 〈…〉 ing against them●elves , is ano●her ▪ And wh●t th●●k 〈◊〉 of tak●ng awa● mans life upon 〈◊〉 single testimo●● ▪ ( especi●lly be●●g for such small m●tte●s c●n you j●stfie the s●me before the great Law giver , who is a 〈…〉 e and to destroy ? If you cannot , then be as ●ilig●●t to make a thorow Reformation as I have been 〈…〉 e Solli●i●●●ion . W●● ye 〈◊〉 also , that it is a general grievance and open di●grace to the Nation , that the Publick debts are yet unpaid , although you are deeply engaged by Art. 39. of this present Government ? Ye know the Laws are executed with great seve●i●y against Pick-pockets , petty thieves , and silent malefactors , who are press'd to death for hol●ing their tongues , and are taken pro confesso : But judg in your selves , Wh●t●●r are the greater sinners , those who steal for meer ●●●●ssity to supply their present wants , or such as defraud the old soldier of his Pay , & the laborer of his hire , and borrow money and not pay again but engage f●ith and promise upon it , give Debenters , Bills and Bonds for it , and establish Securities to satisfie it , and afterwards by force or fraud take it , or suffer it to be taken away again ; and yet again binde themselvs by a solemn O●th , as in the presence of God , that the Securities given shall remain firm and good , and not be made void or invalid upon any pretence whatsoever ▪ and afterwards neither regard debts nor debtors , but suffer many of them to perish , while justice is bought and sold , and cometh by a drop at a time , and doth not run down as it ought like a mighty stream : And by swearing and lying , and killing and stealing , and committing adultery , men break out , and blood toucheth blood . And for these things doth the land ●ourn , Hos. 4. ● . 3. In the land of Israel there was s●●●i●l prouision made for the poor , the fatherless and the w●dow 〈…〉 y stranger was ●ot to be forgotten in that land : ●o 〈…〉 Theft was much more to be punished ●●●n now , 〈…〉 Thieves then were not driven to su●● straits and c●l●mities as many now have been and a●e ●●ill here in England , ( under such rude Forms of Government ) by ca●ualties , as impotency of body , loss of estates , bad deb●s , like the Publick faith and arreres of souldiers , so much undervalued , as if the High & Mighty States of England were broken . And God then gave free liberty amongst the Jews , for a man to eat his fill of his neighbours field , vineyard , or oliveyard : but by the rustical law of England , men arrest men as tresp●ssers for coming upon their ground , and obtain Judgements against them for Costs , although there is no damage . Such p●actices ●s these disq●iet the Land , create combust●o●s , bring confusions , and procure work for a sort of Villain 〈◊〉 Catchpoles , and employ a company of lascivio●● ▪ Lubbers , I mean the lying Lawyers , whose h●ads are full of mischief , and their pens dipt in gall and wormwood ▪ their tongues are as sharp arrows , their teeth as swords and spears , and their throats open 〈…〉 ●●vour and swallow up the poor and needy fro● 〈…〉 : These are like a sweeping 〈…〉 leaving them a shilling to be a shield of de●ence ▪ 〈…〉 in their pocket , to encou●●●r with 〈…〉 Hunger : and so the poor mens noses are h●ld ●o ●●e Grindstone , and their faces ground away , as may be seen by their countenances : and the Poor's poverty comes to be their absolute destruction , and swarms of beggers and thieves ingendered in the Common wealth by Pecunia 〈…〉 s ▪ and the poor mans Suit cannot go on currantly w●●●out money , though his Cause be never so just , but 〈…〉 e a Lawyer may easily be got to speak twenty 〈◊〉 ●●●●●st him for 10 s. and cloak his lyes with pret●●●●s of Clyents informations . These things may e●sily be reformed by you , if ye will , O ye men of high degree . And because you are the Patrons of Englands Statutes , and have power to redress the Grievances which by your Law cannot be redressed without you ; I have presented you with these lines printed in red letters , because , though Tophet is p●epared of old for Kings , because of their crying crimes ; yet Parliaments sins are sins red as scarlet , of a deep and double dye ; and they must be accountable to him by whom their Legislative power is limited . Repent therefore , O Parliament of England , and be not as your predecessors the former Parliaments . Parliaments have been Pillars of Popery , Panders to the Whore of Babylon , abominable Idolators , propagators of Adultery and Covetousness in the Clergie : Parliaments have been Murderers of Saints and sinners ; Parliaments have done and undone their self-denying Ordinances , been puff●d up with pride , tyrannous towards their inferiours , slavish to their superiours , submi●ting to force against freedom ; using publike fraud and private fl●ttery , to the destruction of the people . Therefore whatsoever heavie bu●dens they bound , and grievous to be born , you must unbinde , loosing the b●nds of wickedness , undoing the heavy burdens , and let●ing the oppressed go free , and breaking every yoke , so much as the putting forth of the finger , or speaking vanity . 
B04826	----	[A warning for all wicked livers] By the example of Richard Whitfield, and M. Gibs who were two notorious offenders, and both of one company, which two men made a daily practise, and got their livings by robbing and stealing both on the high-ways, and in any other places where they came, but were at last taken, apprehended and condemned to dye for robbing of a coach, & murdering of a captains man at Shooters-Hil, in Kent, some five or six miles from London, and for that offence and others, Gibs was prest to death at Maidstone in Kent, and Whitfield was hanged in chains on Shooters-Hil, where he did the bloody deed, the 27th. of March, 1655. The manner how shall be exactly related in this ditty. The tune is, Ned Smith. L. P. (Laurence Price), fl. 1625-1680? This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription B04826 of text893 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing P3388A). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 5 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 1 1-bit group-IV TIFF page image. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 B04826 Wing P3388A Interim Tract Supplement Guide BR f 821.04 B49[32] 99887562 ocm99887562 182290 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. B04826) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 182290) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books; Tract supplement ; A3:3[34]) [A warning for all wicked livers] By the example of Richard Whitfield, and M. Gibs who were two notorious offenders, and both of one company, which two men made a daily practise, and got their livings by robbing and stealing both on the high-ways, and in any other places where they came, but were at last taken, apprehended and condemned to dye for robbing of a coach, & murdering of a captains man at Shooters-Hil, in Kent, some five or six miles from London, and for that offence and others, Gibs was prest to death at Maidstone in Kent, and Whitfield was hanged in chains on Shooters-Hil, where he did the bloody deed, the 27th. of March, 1655. The manner how shall be exactly related in this ditty. The tune is, Ned Smith. L. P. (Laurence Price), fl. 1625-1680? 1 sheet ([1] p.) : ill. (woodcuts). Printed for F. Grove dwelling on Snow hill, London : [1655?] Signed: LP [i.e. Laurence Price]. Verse: "Of two notorious thieves ..." Date of publication suggested by Wing. Imperfect: cropped and torn affecting title; most of right half wanting. Reproduction of original in the British Library. eng Retribution -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- Early works to 1800. B04826 893 (Wing P3388A). civilwar no [A warning for all wicked livers] By the example of Richard Whitfield, and M. Gibs who were two notorious offenders, and both of one company L. P 1655 642 11 0 0 0 4 0 794 F The rate of 794 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. 2008-04 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2008-06 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-07 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2008-07 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-09 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A Warning for all 〈…〉 By the example of Richard Whitfield , and M. Gibs who were two notorious offenders , and both of one company , which two men made a daily practise , and got their livings by robbing and stealing both on the High-ways , and in any other places where they came , but were at last taken , apprehended and condemned to dye for robing of a Coach , & murdering of a Captains man at Shooters-Hil , in Kent , some five or sin miles from London , and for that offence and others , Gibs was prest to death at Maidstone in Kent , and Whitfield was hanged in chains on Shooters-Hil , where he did the bloody deed , the 27th . of March , 1655. The manner how shall be exactly related in this Ditty . The Tune is , Ned Smith . OF two notorious Théeves , my purpose is to tell , Which near fair London Town long time did live and dwell . One of their names was Gibs , a Villain vile and base The other Dick Whitfield call'd , who ran a wicked race , To rob to theeve and steal , these couple gave their mind , And unto murder men , they daily were inclin'd , So stout and bold they were that they durst fight with ten , And rob them on the way though they were lusty men , Sometimes they would disguise . themselves in strange attire , And to do mischief still , Was all they did desire . Sometimes about the fields they would walk in the night And use much cruelty to them that they did méet . A man could hardly pass . the fields at ten a clock , But they would be sure to have , the cloak from off his back . Or if he had no cloak they would his money take , Of what they went about they did no conscience make . If they with women met when it was in the night they would strip off their cloaths and leave them naked quite . Such unhumanity betwixt them did remain That by their bloody hands good Christians have been slain 〈…〉 robberies these bloody villains did , But theft and murder both , long time will not lie hid . Sometimes they have béen caught and unto New-gate sent , Yet they had mercy shown because they should repent . But though the Iudges oft took pitty on those men , As soon as they got loose they would fall too t agen , But now behold and sée ●hat happened at the last , 〈◊〉 they had scap'd through much 〈◊〉 many dangers past . 〈◊〉 ●et a gallant Coach 〈…〉 r from Greenwich town , 〈◊〉 ●●●●h were Gentlemen 〈…〉 ore Black-Heath down , ●●bs and Whitfield both 〈…〉 d themselves to fight 〈…〉 Theeves 〈…〉 approach . He ask'd them what they were , quoth they , we mony crave , Mony we are come for and mony we must have . Their Pistols being fixt . their bullets they let fly The Captain drew his sword and fought couragiously . And in that dangerous fight the Captains man was slain And then they rob'd the rest that did i' th Coach remain . And for their bloody déeds and for that robbery They after taken were and suffered certainly . At Maidstone town in Kent there Gibs was prest to death , and Whitfield hangs in chains at Shooters-Hill near Black-Heath Let other wicked men , high and low , great and smal Remember and take héed by Gibs and Whitfields fall . L.P. FINIS . London Printed for F. Grove dwelling on Snow hill . 
A32823	----	Retsah, a cry against a crying sinne, or, A just complaint to the magistrates, against them who have broken the statute laws of God, by killing of men meerly for theft manifested in a petition long since presented to the Common Councel of the city of London, on the behalfe of transgressours : together with certaine proposals, presented by Col. Pride to the Right Honourable the Generall Counsell for the Army, and the Committee appointed by the Parliament of England, to consider of the inconveniences, mischiefes, chargeablenesse, and irregularities in their law. Chidley, Samuel. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A32823 of text R435 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing C3838). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 51 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 13 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A32823 Wing C3838 ESTC R435 12952496 ocm 12952496 95978 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A32823) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 95978) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 733:21) Retsah, a cry against a crying sinne, or, A just complaint to the magistrates, against them who have broken the statute laws of God, by killing of men meerly for theft manifested in a petition long since presented to the Common Councel of the city of London, on the behalfe of transgressours : together with certaine proposals, presented by Col. Pride to the Right Honourable the Generall Counsell for the Army, and the Committee appointed by the Parliament of England, to consider of the inconveniences, mischiefes, chargeablenesse, and irregularities in their law. Chidley, Samuel. England and Wales. Parliament. England and Wales. Army. Council. City of London (England). Court of Common Council. 14 [i.e. 24] p. for Samuel Chidley ..., Printed at London : 1652. Title partly transliterated from Hebrew. All letters signed: Samuel Chidley. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. eng Crime -- England. Criminals -- England. Thieves -- England. Capital punishment -- England -- Early works to 1800. A32823 R435 (Wing C3838). civilwar no Retsah a cry against a crying sinne: or, A just complaint to the magistrates, against them who have broken the statute laws of God, by killi Chidley, Samuel 1652 10087 214 5 0 0 0 0 217 F The rate of 217 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2004-01 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-02 Jonathan Blaney Sampled and proofread 2004-02 Jonathan Blaney Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} A CRY against a Crying Sinne : OR , A just Complaint to the Magistrates , against them who have broken the Statute Laws of God , by killing of men meerly for Theft . MANIFESTED In a Petition long since presented to the Common Councel of the City of London , on the behalfe of Transgressours . Together with certaine Proposals , presented by Col. Pride to the Right Honourable the generall Counsell for the Army , and the Committee appointed by the Parliament of England , to consider of the inconveniences , mischiefes , chargeablenesse , and irregularities in their Law . JER. 5.4 , 5 , 6. Therefore I said , surely these are poore , they are foolish , for they know not the way of Iehovah , nor the Iudgement of their God . I will get me unto the great men , and will speake unto them , for they have knowne the way of Iehovah , the Iudgement of their God but these have altogether broken the yoke , and burst the bonds ▪ Wherefore a Lion out of the Forrest shall stay them , a Wolfe of the evenings shall spoyle them , a Leopard shall watch over their Cities , every one that goeth out thence shall be torne in pieces , because their transgressions are many , their back-sliding are strong . HOSEA 5.10 , 11 , 12. The Princes of Judah were like them that removed the bound I wi●● poure out my wrath upon them like water , Ephraim is oppressed and broken in judgement , because he willingly walked after the Commandement . Therefore will I be unto Ephraim as a Moth , and to the house of Judah as rottennesse . HOSEA 8.12 . I have written to him the gre●t things of my Law , but they were counted as a strange thing . Printed at London for Samuel Chidley dwelling in Bow Lane , at the Signe of the Chequer . 1652. The Preface . THis little Book reflecteth upon all those who have broken the Statute Lawes of God , by killing of men me●rly for Theft , Let such sinners who are the Judges , or Executioners of such over-much Justice , be ashamed , and confounded for defiling the Land with Bloud ; if they hold on this their wonted course , now the light of lawfull Liberty breaketh forth ; Will not the Land spue them out ? for the earth cryeth against this sin , which cannot be cleansed in an ordinary way without the bloud of him that sheddeth it ; This is one of the abominations of the time , for which the Saints ought to mourne . It is long since this following Petition was presented to Tho. Andrewes Esquire , the then Lord Mayor , and to the Aldermen , and Common Counsell , but had they done but their duties , I had no need to print and publish these Books in Red Letters , and present the same to them in the middest of their jollity , and to the learned Judges of the Land , yea to the Commissioners of Oyer and Terminer , and Goale delivery , at the Sessions at Newgate , before whom I appeared , to put them in minde of their duty , and of the Law of God , which they had forgotten , and rested too much upon an arme of flesh ; yea , if they had done what they were bound in conscience to doe , and had observed that most righteous Law to which they were sworne , it would have saved me a labour of going to the Counsell of State , Generall Counsell of the Army , or the Parliament . Now seeing little fruit yet appeare , for the establishing of the Lawes of God in this Nation , ( for the lives of men are taken away meerely for unvaluable Trifles ) I am once more pressed in spirit to publish the same in manner and forme following , thus sounding an alarme against the workers of iniquity , that they may rep●●t , and turne from their evill wayes ; so delivering my soule , and clearing my selfe of that bloud-guiltinesse which lyeth upon others , and ●specially upon rich men , who are called to weepe and hewle for the miseries that shall come upon them ▪ For the bread of the needy is the life of the poore , and be that de●rou●eth him of it is a Murtherer ; and the Scripture saith , Thou shall take no ransome for the life of a Murtherer that is guilty of death , but he shall surely be put to death : but I hope that some righteous men will take the matt●r into serious con●ideration ; these our indeavours tending not only to the g●od of those Transgres●ors who have not deserved death by the Lawes of God , but also of those who put them to death unjustly , left the Justice of God take hol● upon those who are the Causers of it , and that the like ●●nishment he inf●icte● j●stly upon them , which they inflict upon ●ther● unjustly . And indeed I doe admire that men who prof●sse to be governed by Gods Lawes , and stand against Tyranny , s●ould have a ●inger in such a worke ▪ Surely such men though they pretend never so much Religion ▪ are not f●t to pray , not to be pray●d with ; For when they stretch forth their hands , God will ●ide his eyes , and though they make many prayers , he will not heare them whose hands are full of ●i●ud . To the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor , Aldermen , and Commons in Common Counsell assembled . The mo●●n●●ll Petiti●n of many Inhabitants of the City of London , in the ●ehalfe of many thousand Transgressors . 〈◊〉 THat for as much as the righteous God exacteth no more of sinfull man then his iniquities deserveth , no Magistrate is to punish a wicked man for his iniquity beyond the rule of ●quity ; That seeing it is evident that whatsoever is good is of God , and the contrary of Abadon , and that no mans will though great is good , unlesse it be correspondent to the will of him who is greater then the greatest nor the Law of any Authority whatsoever , unlesse it be according to the Law of him who is higher then the Highest . Therefore when great ungodly men have by their owne wils , and inhumaine Lawes for many yeares , destroyed not only the Righteous for conscience sake , but also the wicked undeservedly , this was iniquity to be punished by the Judge , though done by Judges themselves , who by their over-much Righteousnesse , and over-much Wickednesse , the people abetting them , hath brought death and Destruction upon this Land , and the hand of the Lord is stretched out still against this sinfull Nation , and unlesse they repent they shall surely perish . That the head of this Land is the sinfull City of London , who instead of bringing forth monthly good for the healing of the Nation , doth bring forth that which tendeth to the destruction thereof ; Gray haires being sprinkled here and there upon them , and they not aware , for they consider not how many are destroyed every Month by the Law of man , contrary to the Law of God , who hath declared , that if a Thief be found breaking through ( the Sun being risen upon him ) and be smitten that he dye , bloud shall be shed for him , Exod. 22 ▪ 3. from whence it appeareth that those are guilty before the Lord , who take away the life of any man meerly for Stealing , when the Lord requireth that he should make ●ull resticution out of his Estate , or if he have nothing , that he should be sold for his Theft : But contrariwise their lives are taken away meerly for Stealing , and commonly many though found notorious Theeves , yet have been discharged with little or no punishment either in Person or Purse , to the great damage of those who have lost their goods , and to the imboldening of the Malefactors , and the want of the due execution of the Law of God upon them , and not setting them in a way to make restitution to the Owners , tendeth to the utter destruction both of their Bodies and Soules . Therefore our desire is , That ye would take these things into serious consideration , and ( in your wisdomes ) take such a prudent and effectuall course , that in the execution of Iustice the remedy may not ●e worse then the disease , like those who kill their wounded Patients , and wound themselves , but that punishment may be equalized proportionable to the Offences , that the Prosecutors , or Executors of the Law ma● have no cause to repent , and that one Witnesse may not rise against any man for any iniquity , but that at the mouth of two or three Witnesses the matter may be established ; and that ye would by no meanes make the wils of any men , or any humaine Lawes whatsoever any rules for you to walk by , further then you see them agreeable to the holy Will and Word of God , and that ye would according to your power , seek to remove the dishonourable badges of infamy from off your sinful City and Nation , though never so antient , familier , common , and customary , and that ye would addresse your selves to the Parliament for we obtaining of these things . And your affectionate Petitioners shall pray . Here followeth a Letter written to Thomas Andrewes , the Lord Mayor that then was . Right Honourable : I Hope your Lordship hath not forgotten our Petition in the behalfe of Transgressors , Christ made Intercession to God for Transgressors , who were guilty of eternall death before God , we make intercession for men who are not guilty of temporall death before men ; Divers Petitions have bin promoted in the behalf of Saints , and it was a very good and acceptable service , this is for sinners whom it may be God will call eff●ctually , For Christ dyed for the ungodly , and received gifts for the Rebellious . I have written this inclosed Paper to further the Petition , I desire that my Councel may be acceptable unto your Honour , so long as it is agreeable with Gods Word , and if it be agreeable to your Lordships affection , I hope you will assist in it according to your power , and prosecute it with all your might , and make haste and not delay to keep the righteous Judgements of the God of Judgement , who hath promised to be for a Spirit of Judgement to him that sitteth in Judgement . Right Honourable , you may be pleased to remember what I said , I know no friend of mine that is guilty of theft , what I have done is in conscience to God , and compassion to my Native Country , and in tender respect to your Honour , that the heavie Wrath of God may not fall upon you and the whole Nation ; at least that some of the Rods of God may be taken away , or that some o● his Judgements may be stayed , I desire to be a good example to th● 〈◊〉 ●en , that they may cleare themselves of bloud gu●l●●nes●e ▪ I desire your Lordship againe to consider seriously of t●is inclosed Writing , I have shewed it to just men and they ●●●●ove 〈◊〉 your Lordship in your wisdome may take Cou●●●●l of 〈◊〉 men , and of the ancients concerning this mat●●r , and ●●●●te what they say thereunto ; But above all search 〈◊〉 Scripture , for whatsoever is not according to that hath no light in it ; and it is a Maxime in Law , that all Lawes which are not according to Gods Law and pure reason , are v●yd and null , and if so , then not binding to a Citizen , or to any other under Heaven , and so are no rules for me to walke by ▪ but it is the Word of God , which is binding and y●● is not bound . Honourable Sir , I am Your Lordships humble Servant . SAMUELL CHIDLEY . London-Bridge Iune●5th 16●9 . Certaine Reasons of weighty consideration in reference to the Petitio● to the Common Councel● in behalfe of Transgressors . ALthough there be ground sufficient enough in the Petition it selfe to ●ince that no Malefactou●s life should be taken away meerly for Theft , when the Lord requireth ●hat satisfaction should be made out of his Estate , and if he have nothing , that he should be sold for his Theft , yet because of the ignorance and hardnesse of mens hearts , and thei● cruelty and revenge , I shall for their regulation propose some things to their consideration . To take away the life of any man only for Theft as aforesaid , is iniquity , because it is against the rule of equity ; it is not good because not of God , it is not correspondent with his Will , it hath no agreement with his most righteous Law , but is in humane , Bloudy , Barbarous , and Tyrannicall , and provoketh the God of Judgement to execute his Judgements upon the Nation that abetteth the same ; yea it tendeth to their utter destruction , to destroy men by the Lawes of men , contrary to the Lawes of God , consider I say , how contrary it is to the rule of equity , the blessed and righteous Law of God . According to the rule of Equity , there is required life for life , eye for eye , tooth for tooth , hand for hand , foot for foot , burning for burning , wound for woun● , st●ipe for stripe , Exod. 21.23 , 24 , 25. It is not life for eye , but eye for eye ; not eye for tooth , but tooth for tooth ; so that if a man require more it is iniquity , Prov. 30.6 . Therefore if a man put out his neighbours ey● , st●ike out his tooth , and bruise his hand , but doth not kill , he ought not to be killed for this , but must ●oose his eye , and his tooth , and as he ha●h done to his neighbour , so it must be done to him , as it is written , breach for breach ▪ eye for eye , tooth for tooth , as he hath caused a ●lemish in a man , so shall it be done to him againe ; and he that killeth a Beast shall rest●re it , and he that killeth a man shall be surely put to death ; and the sam● ▪ Lord saith , ye shall have one manner of Law as well for the Stranger , as for one of your owne C●untry , Levit. 24.17 , 18 , 19 , 2● , 21 , 22. The Lord of Life hath expresly declared ( and it is knowne to all men living ) that the life is more then meat , and the body is more then rayment , Luk. 12.22 . If then the life be more then meat , no mans life should be taken away for meat , much lesse for ra●ment , which is inferiour ; and all things necessary for the temporall life and body of man are comprehended in these termes , food and rayment , Deut. 10 . 1● . 1 Tim. 6.8 . The God of the Spirits of all flesh hath declared plainly , in his most just and righteous Law , That if a Thiefe be found breaking through ( the Sun being risen upon him ) and be smitten that be dye , bloud shall be shed for him , Exod. 22.3 . And he ●enders this reason , for he should make full restitution , and if he have nothing , he shal be fold for his Theft ; and the Lord hath not said that he that stealeth food , or rayment , shall be put to death , or that his bloud shall be shed ; But whose sheddeth mans bloud , by man shall his bloud be shed , Gen. 9.6 . So then it appeareth , that it is murther by the Law of God to kill a man meerly for Stealing , when the Lord saith he should make full restitution , and if he have nothing , he shall be sold ( not killed ) for his Theft ; and amongst his statute Lawes hath stated particular cases in this , as well as in other things , and made them so plaine that mean capacities may decide controversies of this nature . And as there is no precept nor consequence in the Word of God for this unjust practice , so there is no president in Israel , but many in England , the more is their misery : but as their ancient Father Austin saith , That man is miserable who is not sensible of his misery , which may wel be applyed unto this sinful and miserable Nation , who are not sensible of the dangerous consequence of this one deadly evill amongst the rest ; how unjust a thing it is to kill a man for stealing xiiij d. let all men reasonable judge , for so is the Law of this Land , according to which the people are forced to prosecute the Theeves ; but in King Salomons time men did not despise a Thiefe in some case , Prov. 6.30 . And he whō is greater then Salomon , even the Lord Iesus Christ who is the Prince of the Kings of the Earth , hath not given the least hint that he● that stealeth food or rayment should be killed , but he that ●ad●th into Captivity , shall goe into Captivity , and he that killeth with the Sword , must be killed with the Sword , Revel. ●3 . 10 . But concerning These it is said , let them that stole ●●eale no more , he doth not say let him be hanged , but rather let him labour with his hands the thing that is good , that he may have to distribute to him that needeth , Ephes. 4.38 . And it is expressely commanded , That he that will not worke , nei●●●r should he eate , 2 Thes. 3.10 . Many precepts , president● , and propositions may be brought to confirme the premise● , ●ut this is enough at this time . A word to the 〈◊〉 is su●●icient . A Letter written the 11. of Decemb. 1651. by SAMUEL CHIDLEY , To the Right Honorable , the Commissioners of Oyer and Terminer , and Goale Delivery of NEW GATE . Right ( Worshipfull and ) Honourable , ALthough I know not any of my acquaintance to bee guilty of Theft : Yet I seeke to save the lives of the so siner● whom God would have preserved : And I coming downe to this Judgement Seat , it being as free for me a● another to see justice done ; and observing your proceedings from the beginning hitherto , how in many things you goe against the very letter and equity of the Law of the onely Law-maker , by whom , and by which your selves must be judged ▪ caused me to call to mind , how that Great men are not alwayes wise , neither doe the aged alwayes understand Iudgement . Right Honourable , I am sorry to see you goe on still in your wonted course , of arraiging men for their lives meerly for Theft . I have observed that the persons who are arraigned before your Honours , are poor labourers , and such creatures who stole things of a small value , peradventure for meer necessity , yet you arraigne them for their lives , when the Law of God requireth their preservation in such a way , that they may make satisfaction , and not ( if disabled ) to force them into a necessity of stealing againe , but they are great sinners indeed , who rob men of their precious lives . And the worst of men are such as despise and destroy Theeves that steale , meerly to satisfie their hunger : It seems some of the Theeves you will presse , for not holding up their hands at your command , or for not answering to that interogatory Guil●y ? or not Guilty ? Consider I pray you , how circumstantiall these things are : The weight of Tryals depends not hereupon ( as I humbly con●eive . ) For its possible that a Murderer , when he is arraigned may want his hands , and another may be dumb ; yet you may proceed to Judgement against him , if sufficient evidence come in , & that the jury , who are judges in matters of Fact , ( and if they will , in matters of Law ) finde them guilty , surely you must take no ransome for the life of a Murderer , though he cannot , or will not hold up his hand at the Bar , or say that he is Guilty : for by the Law no man is bound to a●cuse himselfe , therefore the guilty person is not bound to say he is guilty , and if he should say , not guilty what is he the better ? This is my opinion , which I humbly leave to the serious consideration of this Honourable Bench : I would to God that you would try such men by the Lawes of God , who cast themselves upon God and the Country ▪ And oh that you would put the judgements of God in execution ! seeing you are his Stewards ; all Lawes being subordinate to Gods Lawes , as the Country is to God himselfe , then your tranquillity would be lengthened . Consider what I say in the feare of God , for life is above liberty and estate . The Jewell of one mans life , all your estates cannot ballance . I tooke notice of a passage of the Lord Cheife Justice Rolls , and it was we I observed , how that the Theeves are honest before they come in Goale , and there they become naught ; and learn to lye , by saying not guilty , when they had confessed it before . If it be so , then great pitty it is that they should not be in such a place , where they may be put in a way , and course , to make satisfaction according to the direction of the wisdome of God , By whom Princes and Nobles , yea , all the Iudges of the earth are said to rule : So leaving these consciencious Dictates to your serious thoughts , I subscribe my selfe , Your Humble Servant , Devoted to the feare of God , and service of the Common-wealth , according to the Law of God , and not otherwise ; Samuel Chidley . Sessions 11. Decemb. in the year of Christ , 1651. This Letter was delivered unto the Bench about the third houre of the day , where when Mr. Chidley was called , he made answer , and came to the Board , and the Letter was there publickly owned by him , as his owne hand-writing , which he would stand by and justifie , it being ( as he said ) a discharging of his conscience , as a testimony before them all , which he left to their serious consideration ; wherupon he was commanded by the Bench to depart , and was put out of the Court , he speaking in the justification of the Statutes of God to be right , and the Precepts of men to be wrong , in taking away mens lives for such triviall matters . After he was put out , they gave Sentence against the Prisoner at the Bar , who was arraigned for stealing , and would not hold up his hand , nor plead , but besought them that the Letter might be read publickly , that all the Bench might hear , and then , saith he , afterwards I will plead whatsoever comes of it , whether I live , or dye ; but they would not hearken unto him but proceeded , and by the Recorder M. Steele , who was their Mouth , gave Sentence against him , which was to this effect ; That he should goe from thence to the place from whence he came , and be led into a dark room where there was no light , and should be stript naked , only his privy members covered , & his head covered , & his arms to be stretched forth , both on the one side and on the other , as far as they could be stretched , and that he should be laid along on his back , and have as much weight laid upon him , as he was able to beare , and more ; And the next day he should have only three morse●s of Barly-bread , without any drink , And the day following three draughts of the kennel water-running under New-gate , as much as he could drinke , and so to remaine in that condition from day to day till he dyed . Psal. 119.126 , 127 , 128. It is time for thee LORD to worke for they have made void thy Law ; Therefore I love thy Commandements above gold , yea , above fine gold . Therefore I esteem all thy precepts , concerning all things to be right , and I ha●e every false way . To the Right Honorable the Councell of State . The humble Petition of Samuel Chidley . SHEWETH , THat your petitioner setting the feare of the LORD of Lords before his eyes , and advancing the Judgements and Lawes of the God of gods in his heart before the precepts of fraile man , was moved in zeale to his most sacred majesty , to discharge his conscience in the best and most peaceable way he could devise , and accordingly hath given testimony of the truth , at the Judgement seat before the Sessions in the Old Baily , the eleventh of this month , as may appear unto your Honours by the printed relation hereunto annexed ; yet notwithstanding they proceed according to the usuall Custome , which is against the Law of God , the good things contained in the Solemne League and Covenant of the Nation , the Oath of every Free-man of London , Reason it selfe , the witnesse of Conscience well checked , or rightly rectified and the whole Creation of God : My humble desire is , That this Honourable Councell would be pleased in their prudence to take such a speedy course that the condemned persons yet alive ( who are not guilty of death by the Lawes of God , Nature , or Equity ) may be repreeved till the Parliament of this Commonwealth hath heard and determined the matter ; So shall you find much comfort : Iehovah will be with the good . And your Petitioner shall pray , &c. SAMVEL CHIDLEY . To the Right Honourable the generall Councell for the Army , the humble Proposals of Samuel C●idley . Sheweth : THat for as much as the LORD of Lords hath anoynted you to be the Heads of the Forces , which he hath mustered up , for the destruction of that Generation of sinfull men , who are compacted together , as one man , to establish iniquity by ther Lawes , which they have set up in direct opposi●ion to the LAWES of GOD , and have made use of the Kings of the Earth ( as their Hornes ) to protect them in the exercise of their bloudy Cruelty ; and seeing THE LORD OF HOSTS hath in a great measure subdued your enemies , and that your Swords are not returned empty , It concernes you ( Right Honourable ) to testifie your thankfulnesse by yeelding obedience unto THE STATVTES-LAWES OF GOD , which at this day in the maine fundamentall parts thereof are trampled upon , by those who have a forme of godlinesse , and deny the power thereof in their practices ; as may appeare by their putting of men to death for triviall matters , contrary to the LAW of GOD ; for Gods LAW saith , If a Thiefe steale , he shall make restitution ●ut of his estate ; and if he have nothing , he is to be sold for his Theft , but not killed . Now although my soule abhorres the sinne of Th●ft , i● deserving the punishment of eternall death before God ( how much more the crying sin of Murder ? ) And though I know not any of them , and ( for ought I know ) not one of them knowes me , yet because I see no man valiant for God , nor stand to make up the gap , I ( for want of a better ) ●m moved in zeal for Gods glory , to cry out against the irrationall and irregular proceedings of men , who set up or maintaine a Flag or Standard of Defiance against their owne consciences , and THE MOST RIGHTEOUS LAWES OF THE ONELY LAW-MAKER ; and this I have indeavoured to do in such ● peaceable way , that my transaction of this businesse for God may not savour of any bitternesse of spirit in me , against the persons of those me● or contempt of their lawfull authority , who sit in Judgement , and doe erre therein ▪ ( as I humbly conceive ) but seeing God hath said , he will mag●if●e his LAW , and make it HONOVRABLE , And that it hath been a usual course with him to make choyce of weak instruments , to make his truth known ; I therefore upon this account was resolved to put forth my selfe , and ingage my heart in this businesse , the consequence whereof , when accomplished , will be more then I will speake of at this time ; And although I Indure some reproaches for it , some saying ; What a Theife is this to attempt such a work ? and that none but Theeves would do it , ye● I am led forward by such a spirit , as ( I hope ) will so carry me upon the wings of his providence in the managing hereof , that I shall not be discouraged ( notwithstanding humane frailty , ) And because I have a seasonable opportunity to acquaint your honours with this businesse , and to crave your assistance , I desire you in the first place to consider my Printed Papers , wherein I have shewed my dislike of putting men to death for stealing , and for the further amplification and inlargement thereof , I desire you to consider of these Positions . 1. THAT GOD IS THE ONLY LAW-MAKER ; and that his LAW is the ancientest and the best that ever was , or can be possibly invented by any Parliament , to which all men are bound under paine of damnation : and that whatsoever Lawes and Proceedings are opposite thereunto in the smallest measure , are unjust , and the executioners thereof doe sinne ; and by how much the greater the Precept is , by so much the more doe they offend , that violate the ●ame . 2. GOd hath no where given liberty , but hath prohibited , that the life of any Man should be taken away for stealing , and hath manifested , he would have their lives preserved , therefore to take away their lives is A SIN , A CRYING SIN ; yea , ( I may say ) its A NATIONALL SIN , for which , God hath , and will visit them with his arrowes of of indignation ; yea , the people are so blinded with this ●orrupt Custome , that they know it not , neither will they understand , but thinke they doe well , and that they shall have peace , though they walke on in darknesse , while the foundations of the earth are out of course . Obj. And wereas they object , That it is the Law of the Land to put Theeves to death for stealing to the value of 13d . ob . I Answer , That no Law is to be observed , if it be against THE LAW OF GOD , especially in the taking away of mens lives ; yea , God was so far from commanding such Theeves to be put to death , that he requireth their blood , at the hands of them that shed it , though done in the very act of breaking through , if the Sun be risen upon them . 3. THe putting them to death is expresly against the Law of God , because it disableth them for ever making satisfaction to the owners of the goods , yea , such is the corruption of the Lawes and Customes of this Land , that he that discovers the Theif is bound over to prosecute him , though is ●e to the taking away of his life ; and after hee hath done that , the owner shall sustaine damage neverthelesse , and hee can have no more then the life of the Theefe ; And some men are so ignorant , cruell , hard-hearted , and revengefull , that they will take away the lives of the pe●tty Theeve● in revenge , taking an opportunity upon the advantage of the Law to exercise their bloody cruelty upon them . And such is the corruption of the Lawes , that if the Theife steale to the value of 13 d. ob . he shall be hanged , as Judge Byron in his cases hath declared ; and sometimes their lives are taken away upon a single evidence , whereas there ou●ht to be two witnesses to prove every fact ; and one witnesse ought not rise up against any man to put him to death ; So GOD hath said , whose WORD is a LAW amongst SAINTS , though Sinners cast the same behind their backs . 4. THis Law of putting poore Theeves to death for sealing , that are not able to make restitution out of their estates , is against GODS LAW , because in such case● GOD hath said they shall be soled for their Theft , Now though they are worth some what while they are living , yet when they are dead they are worth nothing , yea a living Dog , is better then a dead Lyon ; men would rather in such cases bury dead men , then buy them , and how unjust a thing it is to put them to death , seeing the APOSTLE saith , Let them labour with their hands , let all rationall men judge . The APOSTLE saith , they should labour with their hands , no saith the Bench , they shall be hanged , tye up their hands , and he that hath bene●it of Clergy , and can read his necke verse , burne him on the hand ; by thi● he is disabled for the present that he cannot labour with his hand ; and if he would , he is forced into a necessity of Stealing againe , if no man will set him on worke , which thing men will be cautions to doe , to one that carryeth such a brand of infamy upon him . 5. THis murdering Law is the cause wherefore many murders are committed by Robbers in the act of stealing , for the Theeves know its a hanging matter to steale , and it s no more to commit murder , and then for safety of their lives , and 〈…〉 Theft they commit Murder , for feare least the party should come and witnesse against them , to the taking away of their lives . 6. THis Law is the cause wherefore many Theeves escape , because they find that the remedy would be wo●●● then the disease , for if they prosecute them , they shal be put to a great deal of expence and charge , and peradve●●ure the Thief shall lose his life , and the parties their goods , whereas if there were a way for restitution by them , there would be 〈◊〉 prosecution of them . Obj. But it is objected , What sh●ll we doe with them ? Ans. I answer ; He that hath 〈◊〉 , if the Theft be found in his hands , is to forfeit 〈…〉 ; if he have made it away , he is to forfeit four-fold , are his estate i● to be taken to satisfie the debt . Obj. But what if he have no estate , it may be he is some poor● rogue that is worth nothing ? Ans. I answer , He must be sold for his Theft . Obj. But who will buy him , no body will be troubled with him ? Ans. I answer ; either the party who hath sustained the damage is to take him , or he may be set on worke in our owne Country , by Land or by water , being chained up , they might worke in Mines , heave Coal● ▪ and earne three or four shillings a day , or row in Gallies , or be put in Worke houses , for to punne . Hemp , or other servile imployment● . And why cannot we put them to it here , as well as the Hollanders there , til they have made satisfaction ) and not put the Theeves in such places , which is a hell on earth ; where they learne to be worse then ever they were before , or they may be transported to some of our owne Plantations , where some that have been in the like condition transported , have soone become honest , and being very ingenuous have been able to teach the Planters , which maketh the Merchants to prize the Theeves farre above the ordinary Vagrants , or other persons that are taken up by the Spirits in the 〈◊〉 because they want that ingenuity that the Theeves have , for generally the wittyest rogues are the greatest Cut-purses . Obj. But would not this be great ●yranny , that men should be sold as slaves ? A●s . I answer to that ; They are not sold for ever , but only for their Theft , and its a worser slavery , and a great tyranny indeed , to take away their live● . Obj. But what if they run away ? Ans. Then they contract upon themseves a double deb● ▪ Obj. But what if they will not worke ? Ans. They must not eate , and before such a one will dy● for hunger , doubtlesse he will eate the flesh , of his arme , and before he will eate his owne flesh it may be he will worke , hunger will breake through stone walls , and if any thing f●rce him to worke , this wil , for his bel●y requires it of him ; bu● , if he will perish let him perish , his owne bloud is upon his owne head , and the Common-wealth is discharged of it . Such c●u●ses as these would be a meanes to terrifye the Theeves , and suppresse Theft for many of them would rather ●e hanged ; but if a man would be hang'd , he must not have His desire , unlesse the Law requireth it , so though Theeves cause to dye against the Law of God , rather then to live according to it , they must be kept alive notwithstanding , and set hard at worke to earne their bread , and the over-plus must pay for their Theft ; and then if any ( as I hope many ) will be converted in this their captive condition , O how will they blesse the time that ever such compulsion was us●d , whereby they learned to know themselves , and to remember their Creator : and he that is an instrumentall means of converting one poore Sinner , shall have no cause to be sorry for it in the day of Accompt . ANother abuse in the proceedings of the Law of this Land is that whereas GODS LAW requireth that the Witnesses should be Executioners of death on their Mal●factor , a Condemned Executioner doth it , who is the notoriousest Rogue that can be found , and one that knowes nothing of the businesse , whether he , whom he hangs be an honest man , or a knave ; he will hang a Martyr as well as a Thiefe , but doubtlesse he hath a check of Conscien●e as wel as his Masters , else why will he aske them forgivenesse before he turnes them off ? Now all that can be alledged , for the Hang-man is , He doth but his Office , he is but an Executioner of the Law , and Sentence . And the like the Judges doe alledge for themselves , Alas , ( ●ay they ) what can we doe , we are but the Executioners of the Law of the Land , and till the Parliament alter the Law , we must observe our ordinary Rules ; Why doe you come to us ? what would your have us doe ? we have no power ! But Iudges ought to be men of courage , fearing God , and hating covetousnesse , and such as will observe GODS LAWES , and judge according to HIS STATVTE BOOKE , and by THE LAWES OF GOD . No Executioner ought to inflict death upon any man , unlesse he in the execution of him be satisfied in his owne Conscience , that the man ought to dye , else he is a Murderer after a manner , though the Offender deserveth deathe ; yet if a man be not convinced of it , he ought not to put him to death , by any command whatsoever , and if the Witnesses will not doe it , they must be severely dealt with . This is my opinion , which I humbly submit to the consideration of those who have more understanding then my selfe . ● . ANother abuse which I finde in the pro●eedings of the Law , is in the Pressing men to deat● , because they wil not hold up their hands at the Barre , or say they are guilty , or not guilty , upon which circumstantiall N●●ety , they Condemne them to be Prest in such a Tyrannicall manner , that the very sentence it selfe is enough to terrifie the poore Creatures , and make them op●n their mouthes to confesse their owne guiltinesse , or else to lye against their own● consciences . Obj. But t is objected , That they are prest to death within halfe an houre at the most , and that they are not kept in such a lingering condition , according to the sentence ? Ans. I answer ; If they put them to death before their t●me , herein they goe bey●nd their Commission ; but indeed the Executioners do● it ●●t of compassion to the Condemned to dispatch him out of his torment ; something like to a Phisitian , that will give his Patient something in pitty , to rid him out of his paine , because he beleeveth he must dye , and cannot escape his fit of sicknesse , so making more has● then good speed . Now the proceedings against such Malefactors , who will not hold up their hands , and plead , it without examination of Witnesses , yet they will take his life away Pro confess● ; b●● by what Law I know not , unlesse a Law of Antichrist ; I am sure such precepts came neither from Mount Sion , nor Mount Sinai ; these have out-●tripped H●r●d , and P●ntius Pilate , the Gentil●s that knew not the Law , did not compell men to lye , by saying not guilty , when they were guilty ; nor to goe against the Law of Nature , to accuse themselves by con●essing their owne g●il● ▪ but of all cruelty there is none li●e that of Antichrist , the Man of Sinne , and that Beast with seven Heads , and ten Hornes , spoken of in Revel. 13. and they exercise it upon their owne brethren , even the Members 〈◊〉 their Church . Thus the crowned Loenus in the midst o●●gyptian darknesse are a plague to the men of the earth . But the way to try a Th●efe is to examine the witnesses , ●nd if they prove matter of fact , the Judge is to decla●e ▪ how much he must pay , and to command that Law to b● put in execution ; that his estate should be seized , and if it will not satisfie , he must deliver up his person , not so much as to loose a limb , or any member of his body , but to goe immediatly to the Work-house , or place where he may be safely kep● with sufficient food , and work enough , as much as he is able to doe , and ply it constantly early and late every day ( Lords day excepted and to have sufficient time to sleep and rest ; and when they have wrought out their Theft , then to be free● 〈◊〉 if , they steal again to serve them in the same kind : as if the Theefe st●ale a 100li . he shoul● pay 20●li . if it be found with him , but if he have spent the money he shall pay 400li . If this course were well followed , Tyburne would lose many Customers , for it would much abate the number of Theev●s , and Murderers . My desi●e i● , That your Honou●● would move the Parliament to put GODS LAW in execution concerning this thing , and what it is I have declared before . It hath been desired tha● Lawes should be drawne up from GODS WORD , for the Government of this Nation , but unlesse the Parliament will bee pleased to confirme them , what are wee the better ? ordinary men cannot impose , all they can doe is onely to propose , onely God hath declared , His Testimonies must be bound up , and his Law sealed amongst his Disciples . But others doe take upon them to make Lawes besides , and contrary to THE LAWES OF GOD ; Moreover , if the Parliament should countenance such a thing that certain men should b● appointed to draw up Lawes according to THE LAWES OF GOD , it will a●ke a great deale of time ; and it is a work that the wisest and holiest men in the world , will find too great for them to undertake to doe without errours , unlesse they were infallibly inspired by THE HOLY GHOST . Moses was in the Mount with God forty day●s and forty nights , and neither eate nor dranke ; and forty daies and forty nights after that likewise ; Neither do we read , that he saw sleep with his eyes in all that time ; and after he wrote the Lawes and Precepts for all Israel , with the Statutes and Iudgem●nts , He was therein guid●d by the immediate direction of the spi●it of God infallibly , and how long he was writing them wee know not , but they are very full and brief , and very sufficient for the Government of that Nation , Neither had any Nation such an excellent Law as Israel had , Neither was there so excelle●● a Government amongst any people , as amongst the people of the Iew● , so long at they forsooke not the Law of the Lord , nor cast aside the word of the Holy one of Israel ; their chief City was called the City of Righteousnesse , the faithfull City , righteousnesse lodged in it ; their Iudges and Counsellours were Gods , and Children of the most High , becaus● the word of God was committed unto them , Now it may be it will bee a long time before the Parliament wil establish THE LAWES OF GOD , or give way for Lawes to be imposed upon this Nation , which are suitable thereunto ; and when such a worke is set upon , it will be long before it be accomplished , for whosoever taketh it upon them , must devote themselves wholly to the worke , and when they have used their best indeavours , a wond●r it will be if the Lawes they draw up , with manner of proceedings , will be so perfect that they need no amendments , in respect of matter and form ; and a long time wil be spent in debate , before such a work be admitted to be attempted ; And therefore I humbly conceive , that it is meer , that this businesse concerning the preservation or the petty Theeves should be concluded now with al speed , being out of controversie , and afterwards to doe the rest according as time , and opportunity will afford . For this doth concern LIFE which is above Person Name , Liberty , and ●state : And THIS THING being done will render the Antichristian Priests and lying Lawyers , the basest of men , who have lived upon the souls and bodies of men , and have not bad the fear of God before their eyes , but have made their belly God and their glory is their shame , end shall be destruction and their unlesse they repent . And as a testimony of the truth of God , in this particular , I set to my hand this 31 of Decem. 1651. SAMVEL CHIDLEY . A Letter written to the Regulaters of the Law , appointed by the Parliament , and sent , and presented to that Committee . Honourable Gentlemen : FOr as much as you are appointed by the Parliament to consider of the Inconveniencies ▪ Mischeifes , Chargeablenesse , and Irregularit●es in your Law , and that you have pro●essed your willingnesse to receive whatsoever persons have to offer in relation thereunto : I hold it meet to present you with these inclosed papers , which p●radventure may be a meanes to shorten your seven yeares tedious worke , and wherein you may observe that I have indeavoured to discharge my conscience before all ▪ witnessing against that hatefull sinne of puting men to death meerely for Theft ▪ although THE GOD OF NATURE doth teach a contrary Lesson : But who is so blind as those that will not see ? Surely covetousnesse is the roo● of all evill , and gifts destroy the heart● , an● blind the eyes of the wise , and pervert the judgement of the righteous , and men in the greatest places , are the greatest unbeleevers , for they have not so much faith as to trust GOD with their substance , but use indirect meanes to make uncertaine riches certaine ; as may appeare by their putting Theeves to death for stealing . Now when I found so little fruit in the Magistrates of the City of London , as you may see by my printed relations , I was sorry that my indeavours produced no better effect amongst them , whose Predecessors have alwayes been very forward to put the Lawes of man in execution , though they were never so ridiculous , and contrary to reason and Religion . I sent , and went unto others , whom it likewise principally concerned , even to those who are called the learned Iudges of the Land , and declared my judgement to as many of them as I could meet with , that they migh● not suffer their mouth to cause their flesh to sinne , by pronouncing unjust murdering sentences . I went downe also to the Sessions , but I could gather no Grapes of Thornes . And after I had delivered a Letter to the Lord President Bradshaw , to be presented unto the Councell of State ; I remembred that the Officers of the Army were men professing grea●●hings , for the advancement of Gods glory ; so I presented some Humble Proposals to those Honourable Gentlemen , which were well resented by them , a Copy of which I have sent you here inclosed with this Petition , which should have been presented to the House , but some of the Members conceived the businesse to be proper for you t● take Cognizance of , because you are appointed to consider , and make Report of the evils of your Law , for reformation thereof ; therefore you ought to cry out against Murder b●fore you doe any thing else , for this concerneth mens live● ▪ the best of your actions herein in my judgement having been at the most but a Tything of Mint , Anis , and Cummin ▪ and you have neglected Mercy , one of the weighty matters of the L●w , for I am verily perswaded , that it was in your powers to have put a stop to the murdering of those men which w●re hanged at Tiburne the last Sessions , for stealing five shilling● and six pence ; I hoped that you would have gone to the root , and not cropt only the Branches of wicked Lawes ; I am angry , and grieved at the heart , that you should so dally in Gods matters ▪ as not to acquaint the House with such a grosse , unnaturall , inhumane practise of the Law , as killing of the petty Theeves . I desire the LORD to give you repenting and relenting hearts , for doing his worke so negligently , to value mens lives no more ; for it is a sinne , and shame , that the ●and should still be defiled with more bloud , and how you can answer it in the day of Accompt , for not pre●enting such mischiefe when you knew how to doe it , and had an opportunity in your hands , I know not ; in my opi●ion , if you follow your worke never so close , if you omit this businesse of weight , you will make a long harvest of a little fruit ; no doubt but the time will be long before you have swimmed through the Ocean Sea of your troublesome Lawes , for what is the Chaffe to the Corne ? or the heap of Ashes to the sparke that 's hid under it ? May not the Parliament by the West Wind of their Legislative Power , blow such combustible stubble away ? You sit as Refiners , but time is precious , and drosse is not worth the labour of refining , and a leaden Law is too heavie for an honest heart , and we ought not to thinke that such a Law , because it is a Law , will be a sufficient excuse to the Executioners thereof , so long as it is Idolatrous , prophane , rebellious , bloudy , Adulterous , Theevish , lying , and covetous ; certainly that Law cannot be good , that force●h all men to preferre the meanest thing before the greatest ; ( that is , ) a little wicked Mammon with an Idolations badge upon it , before a mans precious life ; Salomon esteemed m●re of a living D●gge , then those who have killed men meerly for stealing , have ( or had ) of living men . Now if God doe touch your hearts , and make you throughly sensible of the abominations of the time , and set you in a thou●●ing posture , that you may bewaile your neglect in suffering the poore Theeves to be put to death , when it was in y●ur power to have prevented 〈◊〉 ; then you may the better goe on , like Iosiah's men , whom he set to spy out the abominations in the Land , and set up a sign , wheresoever you ●inde a bone of Haman-gog unburied , and go on , and let the Nation know the Idolatry , and Superstition of their Law , and its prophanenesse , and the Sabbath-breaking thereof , the rebellion of their Law , the Murder of their Law , the Adultery of their Law , the thef● of their Law , the lying of their Law , and the covetousnesse of their Law , and lastly , the uncharitablenesse of their Law , which is the end thereof , and so I end . Yours ( and the Common-wealths Servant ) in all lawfull things . Samuel Chidley . From my Mothers house in Soper Lane London , Febr. 25. 1651. READER , WHere are they that are valiant for the Truth , and will do the work of the Lord diligently ? If thou hast any spark of love or zeal to maintaine the wonderful Statutes of God , which my soul keeps ; I charge thee , as thou wilt answer before the Tribunal Seate of Gods eternal vengeance , That thou hinder not the publication of this to all persons who have an eare open to hear , neither conceal this precious Truth , which will maintaine him , that maintaineth it , and bring him into more acquaintance with God . For doubtlesse the standing for the Statutes and Judgements of the holy and blessed God , is a most blessed work , and the establishment thereof in this Nation will work a more blessed Reformation then ye● hath been , or shall be spoken of at this time . FINIS . 
A92715	----	The vvitty rogue arraigned, condemned, & executed. Or, The history of that incomparable thief Richard Hainam. Relating the several robberies, mad pranks, and handsome jests by him performed, as it was taken from his own mouth, not long before his death. Likewise the manner of robbing the King of Denmark, the King of France, the Duke of Normandy, the merchant at Rotterdam, cum multis aliis. Also, with his confession, concerning his robbing of the King of Scots. Together with his speech at the place of execution. / Published by E.S. for information & satisfaction of the people. E. S. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A92715 of text R203438 in the English Short Title Catalog (Thomason E882_8). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 74 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 28 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A92715 Wing S20 Thomason E882_8 ESTC R203438 99863392 99863392 115591 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A92715) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 115591) Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 133:E882[8]) The vvitty rogue arraigned, condemned, & executed. Or, The history of that incomparable thief Richard Hainam. Relating the several robberies, mad pranks, and handsome jests by him performed, as it was taken from his own mouth, not long before his death. Likewise the manner of robbing the King of Denmark, the King of France, the Duke of Normandy, the merchant at Rotterdam, cum multis aliis. Also, with his confession, concerning his robbing of the King of Scots. Together with his speech at the place of execution. / Published by E.S. for information & satisfaction of the people. E. S. [8], 47, [1] p. printed for E.S. and are to be sold at the Greyhound in St. Paul's Church-yard., London : 1656. Annotation on Thomason copy: "June 25". Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Hannam, Richard, d. 1656. Brigands and robbers -- England -- Early works to 1800. Executions and executioners -- England -- Early works to 1800. Last words -- Early works to 1800. Suicide victims -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- Early works to 1800. Swindlers and swindling -- England -- Early works to 1800. A92715 R203438 (Thomason E882_8). civilwar no The vvitty rogue arraigned, condemned, & executed. Or, The history of that incomparable thief Richard Hainam.: Relating the several robberi E. S. 1656 13505 13 0 0 0 0 0 10 C The rate of 10 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2007-04 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2007-04 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2007-10 Elspeth Healey Sampled and proofread 2007-10 Elspeth Healey Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion The vvitty Rogue Arraigned , Condemned , & Executed . OR , The HISTORY Of that incomparable THIEF RICHARD HAINAM . Relating the several Robberies , mad Pranks , and handsome Jests by him performed , as it was taken from his own mouth , not long before his Death . Likewise the manner of robbing the King of Denmark , the King of France , the Duke of Normandy , the Merchant at Rotterdam , cum multis aliis . Also , with his Confession , concerning his robbing of the King of Scots . Together with his SPEECH at the place of Execution . Published by E. S. for informacion & satisfaction of the people . London ▪ printed for E. ● . and 〈◊〉 to be sold in the Greyhound in St. Paul's Church-yard 1656. To the READER . Reader , YOU have here the Life , Pranks , and Death of one of the most unparallel'd Thieves in these our dayes , as it was partly delivered by himself , and partly by others that were conversant with him in his Life . I have forborn to tell you his petty Thieveries : but because there is one , which being his first , and as it were a Prologue to his former Actions , I shall insert it here ; and thus it was : Being in the Market-place , where there sate a Woman selling Puddings , he spies her , steps unto her , and feigning himself desiring for to buy , asks her the price , she told him ; but speaking to another Customer , he in the interim slips as many as handsomely he could into his codpiece , which having done , told the Woman , He would not give so much ; and thereupon left her . Upon this good success , taking himself to be one of Fortunes Favourites , he frequently comes to Market : insomuch , that by degrees , from robbing of a Stall , he comes to rob a Shop ; from a Shop , to rob a House ; and from a House , even to dare to rob the Court : until his doings did at last undoe him . Whether it was more for need , or more to covet other Mens applause , that thus he lived , I question which . But such is the Policy of the Devil , that plotting to undermine the frailty of a Wretch , he shews him what it is to be admir'd ; this spurs him on with a conceit of acting something that may make him famous : of which he runs the hazard , and at last is taken : for so the custome of the Devil is , When he hath brought one in a dangerous way , to leave him in the wolvish jaws of death . Thus hath the wings of Fame flown away with many , that not onely might have liv'd in the Callings wherein they were educated , and contentedly ; but died peaceably , and so have liv'd , as not to fear to die , and took the easier way to Heaven , viz. in a Feather-Bed , and not a S●ring . I shall not stay you any longer at the door , which being open , you may enter , and view the grandest Thief in Europe : but give me leave , before you wander further , to give you a true account of what he left behinde him on the Ladder . The Speech and Confession of Mr. Richard Hainam , on Tuesday last in the rounds of Smithfield , immediately before his fatal Leap from off the Ladder . ALthough I am a Prisoner , and condemned to die ; yet I cannot but retain a favourable Construction of your Proceedings ( this day ) towards me ; presuming , that you will not deny me that Liberty due to all Christians , from Christian Magistrates , wch is , that I may be permitted the freedom of speech to clear the Innocent ( at this my hour of death ) that now lie accused as being privy to my Designs , and Consederates with me in my late Actions . As for my part , resolved I am to accuse no man ; no , no , Gentlemen , I abhor the Thought , much less the Action of so horrid and foul a Crime ; and on the contrary , am as willing and free to clear those that are accused for me ; which it seems is my poor Landlord and and Landlady , Mr. Chamberlain and his Wise , whose hard Face and cruel Destiny from my soul I pitty , as much as my own , and do protest their Innocency in all respects [ towards me ] whatsoeever . However , seeing it is my unhappy fortune , to end my dayes upon this Gibbet , I humbly submit to the Divine Hand of Justice , and desire the prayers of all good Christians , to Almighty God , earnestly to implore a Remission of all my sins , which are many ; and enable me to fail through this violent Storm and Tempest , that so at the last I may arrive at the Haven of Happiness , there to cast my Anchor of Faith , and lay hold on my Lord God : and so farewel , farewel unto you all . Then turning himself about , Mr. Clerk the Minister of New-Gate spake unto him by way of Exhortation ; and after him one Mr. Tuke ; unto whom he was very attentive , & seemed to have a very relenting Spirit ▪ &c. But the hour drawing neer , he was commanded up the Ladder , where the Executioner sate ready to do his Office ; and having put the Rope about his Neck , Mr. Hainam pulled out a white Cap out of his Pocket , and giving it to the Executioner , he put it on the said Hainam's head , and after that his mourning Ribbon that he wore about his Hat ; and taking out his File which he had hitherto concealed , he gave it to Mr. Brisco , ( of which you shall hear more hereafter ) and so lifting up his hands to Heaven , and the Executioner laying his hand upon his shoulder , ( which was the sign ) asking if he was ready , he immediatly leaped off on the left side , uttering these words , Lord have mercy upon me . The Contents are as followeth . Chap. 1. A Brief Discourse of his Life and Qualities . 2. How he rob'd the Earl of Pembroke . 3. How he rob'd a Merchant in Rotterdam . 4. How he cheated the same Merchant of 400 l. 5. How he rob'd the Portugal Ambassador of a Silver-Table . 6. How he was imprisoned at Paris , but escaped . 7. How he was again retaken ; and the manner of his strange escaping . 8. How he rob'd the King of France . 9. How he rob'd a Gold-Smith in Bristol . 10. How being taken , he attempted to break Prison , but was prevented . 11. How he desperately gets away , and cunningly deceives the Watch . 12. How he takes a Lodging in Essex . 13. How he was again apprehended , and the manner of his escaping . 14. How he rob'd a poor Man , and delivered him his Moneys again . 15. How he cheated a Gold-smith in Cheapside . 16. How he seized on an English ship , and sold it in another Country for 1700 l. 17. How he cousned a Gentleman of ●our Jewels . 18. How it was afterwards known that Hainam had the Jewels . 19. How he being pursued , notably escapes , and puts a trick upon his Wench . 20. How he was secured in Germany , and got away . 21. How he rob'd the Duke of Normandy of 700 l. 22. How he rob'd Mr. Marsh at Hackny of 400 l. 23. How he rob'd Alderman Hancock at the Grey-hound Tavern in Fleet-Street . 24. How he cousned a Merchant of 300 l. 25. How he cheated a Draper in Gracious-Street . 26. How he returned to England , was taken ( and afterwards hang'd ) for robbing an Ale-house in St. Swithins-Lane . 27. How he had almost escaped again . 28. How he was executed in Smithfield-Rounds , with a brief account of his dying words . The vvitty Rogue Arraigned , Condemned , and Executed : OR , The HISTORY of that Incomparable THIEF , RICHARD HAINAM . CHAP. I. Being a brief Discourse of the Life and Qualities of Richard Hainam . HE was by birth an English-man , descended from an ancient Family , and instructed in the rudiments of Learning ; insomuch , that at the Latine Speech he proved a good Proficient : and had likewise gain'd a smack of divers Languages . His discourse was pleasant , savouring much of Scholarship and Wit ; so that whoever saw him , if they had a breast that ▪ harbour'd any Christian thoughts , would either pity his condition , or admire his parts . He was ever in his childhood thus addicted , counting it a greater credit to be thought wise enough to cheat , then honest enough to hate it : And when maturity of yeares had made him capable of a greater Game , he findes acquaintance ; which if ill , like Tarre , stick where they touch ; or , as it is reported of the Mermaids , sings a man into a trance , till he dances into the mouth of dangers . Thus stepping from one degree of Mischief to another , he comes to be acquainted with one Allen , and , as I suppose , with Hinde ; which Allen , being a Master Thief , and an ingenious Villain , would oftentimes rob on the high-way in his Coach , who would there sit in the habit of a Bishop , while his men , which were the actors , making his Coach their store-house , because unsuspected , either escape , or putting on a Livery , ride by his side in the nature of his Servants : with which man when Hainam came to be acquainted , having before lost the Conscience , he now resolves to finde out all the customes of a sinful life : And for his better education , jonis himself to a band of other Villains ; who seeing him a forward man , and stout , were as much desirous of his company , as he was before ambitious of enjoying theirs . With these having now accompanied in some Exploits , it was as difficult to fall back , as it was facile to begin ; but not so much through their means , by forcing his continuance , but by his own ; who having tasted of the Devils bait , and prov'd the pleasure that he found in sin , could neither by intreaties of his Friends , nor the instigations of abundance more , be disswaded from his wicked courses . Nay , had he seen the Torments of a damned Soul pictured before his face , or if it might be possible , the gates of their infernal habitations opened to him , where he might behold the Usurer choak'd with his Molten Gold ; the Fornicators , and those wretched souls , that have worn out sheets of lawless Lusts , upon the Rack of steel ; the Murtherer , which before was fill'd with blood , now crying , water , water , to quench his parched thirst ; or the Thief , with nothing left him but his Miseries : I say , had he beheld all these , they would have seem'd but fancies to him , and no more have touch'd him , or to as little purpose , as a lighted Match does Powder when 't is wet . Notwithstanding , he was a man compleat in parts and person ; had he had grace equal to his other endowments , he had been the Mirrour of the Age . But it so pleaseth the Almighty wise Creator to disperse his blessings , to some VVit , and to others Vertue ; without which , a mans wisdome is but a deceiving Guide , which leads him to the fatal Pit , as it did this man , helping him , as we may too truly say , to a dead lift , and only served for a varnish to his villanies , teaching him how to glory in his shame ; as if it were a Maxime to be learned , That he that feareth not to sin , may never fear to shew it : from which indeed he would not be retarded : Nor could any perswasions be so prevalent with him , as to prove an obstacle to his nimble tongue : insomuch that he would often boast , That all the Prisons in England , Holland , and elswhere , were far too weak to hold him ; as you shall more plainly perceive in the Narration here ensuing . CHAP. II. How Richard Hainam Robbed the Earl of Pembroke . HAving by his wyles screw'd himself into the acquaintance of Mr. Herbert , one of the Lords Servants : for his several courtesies ( which as a Prologue to his Villanies ) he bestowed on the said Herbert , he was in requital invited to meet him at his Lords ; at which time Hainam so insinuated himself into his favour , that a while after , nothing could be done without the others advice : insomuch , that coming to be sensible each of the others minde , it was suddenly resolved of , That Hainam should appear the next day at the Lords outward Hall , where he assuredly should finde Herbert , to the end he might receive instructions for the conveying away of the Plate after Dinner . Now was the Sop fallen into the Honey-pot ; it fell out as pat , as a Pudding for a Friars mouth . Hainam had his desire , and Herbert his . The prefixt time , when come , Hainam very gallantly attires him , not varying half an hour from the time agreed upon , but repairs to the Earl's house ; where he had not long continued , but it was notified unto him , that the Earl had dined , and was walking from one end of the Dining-room to the other , till the Servants had dispatched , who were then taking off the wrinkles from their bellies ; and moreover , that the Cloth whereon the Earl dined , was taken away , and the Voider wherein the Plate was usually put , was set upon the Cup-boards-head . Hainam having received this Intelligence , ascends the stairs , which conducted him to the room where the Plate stood , and where the Earl was walking ; who seeing a Gentleman in such goodly Equipage , and supposing him to be a Friend to some Gentleman belonging to the house , he courteously salutes him with a Conjee ; in which silent complement , Hainam returns the like , and continued walking in the Room . The Servants seeing a Gentleman walking there , supposed him to be some Nobleman that came to give the Earl a visit . In this manner both parties were mistaken , and Hainam watching for the Lords return to the other end of the Room ( which was somewhat long ) he nimbly whips the Voider full of Plate under his Cloak , to the value of fourscore pounds and upwards , and went away , taking his journey to the side of the Bank , where he presently melted it into one great masse . The Butler , according to his custome , comes to fetch the Plate , which he found missing . Then every one was questioned , but in vain , no tidings could be had , neither of the Plate nor Thief : Then the Steward gets some Bills presently printed , wherein he discovered the Lords Arms , with other Marks which was thereon , and caused them to be carried to most Goldsmiths in London , and elswhere , but to no purpose ; insomuch that ( to verifie the Proverb , He that hath once stollen , will steal again ) the former Thief was induced to a further progresse , relying much upon his former fortune ; so that not long after , more goods were wanting : and whether Heaven pointed out the author , I leave to you to judge ; but the Servants having some suspition of Mr. Herbert , caused him to be severely questioned , who was so ingenious as to frame no other answer , but a just Confession ; which he thus enlarged , telling them , That he had a sum of Money of Hainam , for informing him of the customes of the house : whereupon , Hainam was apprehended , but in a short time following , by leaping over a wall , made his escape , taking his Leap from London to Rotterdam . CHAP. III. How Richard Hainam Robbed a Merchant in Rotterdam . AFter his Villanies had made England too hot a place for him to stay his foot on , he journeys to Rotterdam ; where being arrived in fashion of a Gallant , he visits an eminent Merchant , with an intent seemingly to wooe his Daughter . The Merchant having the qualities of a Gentleman , thought he could not in civility but give him the welcome , if not of a Son , yet a Friend , or a Gentleman ; and to that end , with many Complements on both sides , urged him to chuse no other habitation then his own ; and being a stranger , he said , it would redound much as well to his benefit as conveniency . After many denyals , which seemed barely of a complement , he entertain'd the proffer ; but alledging , Nothing could more disswade him , then the small hopes he had of his gratuity , or his insussiciencies of requital . Having been now entertained , rather like a Prince then a Picaro , with all the dainties of a furnish'd Table , he feigned himself inclinable to sleep , and seemed desirous to take his rest ; and to that end , was conveyed to his Chamber , where he lay considering of his intentions , till the folks were bedded : of which being by the deadnesse of the night informed , he softly descends the stairs , and ransacks those rooms where he discovered the richest prizes ; and having made up a weighty pack , in the morning betimes he forsakes the house , puts on another sute of Apparel , and in that case passed unsuspected . The next day , every one , when up , betakes himself to his usual occupation , not discovering the losse of any thing , till the day was half-way spent : Then was there calling from one to another , Where is this thing , and where is that ? Who saw the silver-Tankerd ? who saw my Mistresse best Scarf , or my Masters Gold Hatband ? Every one had his answer ready tuned , Not I , sayes one ; Nor I , sayes another ; Nor I , sayes a third : which sounded basely in the Master's eares . But at eleven of the clock , every one admiring at the Gentleman 's long tarriance in his Chamber : The Merchant sends a servant to enquire his health ; who when he was at the door , having no acquaintance with his Name , uses no other phrase then Sir ; which after his often pronouncing , he found no eccho : he assays the Chamber , which he findes in a bare condition , not onely destitute of its new-come-guest , but the very sheets whereon he lay , which were no mean ones : Which when he had observed , he acquaints his Master with , who needed then no spurs to post him on ; he presently pursues him , by the description of his habit : but Hainam had made a shift to change that , before they had cloath'd them with their own ; and having notice that he was pursued , thought the best shelter was the Merchants own house , for there none would seek him or mistrust him . Thither he goes in his new-chang'd habit , pretending he had some Commodities to sell which he had brought from England , and would desire him to give them house-room , for which he would content him ; not-so-much for that he wanted money , and would therefore sell them , but because he esteemed an INNE no secure place to lay them in , by reason it was free to all comers , and the people unknown to him , as well as the Merchant ; but having a good opinion of him , he would wholly relie upon his worth and honesty . To this the Merchant willingly consented : so he left him . CHAP. IV. How he cheats the same Merchant of Four hundred pounds . THe next day he sends one of his Companions to this Merchant , whom when he saw , he told him , His business to him was about his Son , a youth which then he had with him , who he would desirously have to reside with him in the condition of a Servant : And having intelligence of his good disposition , and the Trade he drove , he would not spare any moneys to give with him , that he thought might in reason content him . The Merchant greedy of gain , desired him to leave his Son , that they might have some experience of one anothers humours ; which he did , and went his way . About a week after , Hainam sends for this youth , and inquires of him what rich Commodities his Master had in his Warehouse ; who having narrowly espied , gives him a punctual information ; and for the better surety , brings with him his Masters Shop-book , wherein he noted what he usually received : The which book Hainam peruses , and finding a Note of several Commodities , which one had lately left with the Merchant , to the value of Four hundred pounds , he writes underneath in the book , This is mine . And having an excellent faculty in counterfeiting of hands , he writes sutably to the Merchants own fist , as followeth , Left with me by such a one ( framing an English Name ) on such a day , such and such Wares , delivered in the presence of F. M. and P. D. Which F. M. and P. D. were the one the Merchants man , the other Hainams ; both of which under-write their hands ; and moreover , makes a small Note in a piece of loose paper , expressing the same words : which Note he orders the youth at his best opportunity to convey into his Masters cabinet ; and with some other instructions he took his leave . The youth return'd with the book to his Masters home , where he had not long been , but Hainam comes and enquires for his Master , who being then within hearing , runs out to him , as supposing he had brought those things he told him of : But contrariwise , Hainam demands of him some of those commodities he left with him about a week since : The Merchant was amazed , and asked him what he meant : he answered , To have his goods . Quoth the Merchant , I have no goods of yours in my hands . No ▪ quoth Hainam , sure you have , Sir ; you cannot forget so soon . Quoth the Merchant , You were with me , and told me that you had goods , and would send them in , but I received none : No ? quoth he , this shall not suffice , I have my Witnesse of it : therefore let me have my goods by fair means , or I shall publish your Knaveries , to the cracking of that little credit you have in other places . But the Merchant still persisted , crying , He saw not his goods : Insomuch that Hainam fetcheth Officers , endeavouring to force them from him . When the Officers were come , the Neighbors likewise crowded in , every one giving a fair character of the Merchant . But after pro and con a long while , nothing could be done , the one pleading as ignorantly , as the other impudently . Then they examine Witnesses , who both confirm'd it : the Merchants man said , that he by his Masters order set his hand to such a Bill ; so said Hainams Servant . Then did the Merchant stamp as if he was mad , swearing they had a plot to Rob him ; and were they examined , he feared he should finde some of them guilty of his late losse , occasioned by the subtile trick of his counterfeit Son-in-law . But Hainam having now the voyce of all the people there , who cryed , he was the Owner , it was plain ; he sends for one of the chief men in Authority , to whom they stated the case , who admired at the Merchants stubbornnesse , that was so lately reputed such an honest men ; and willed Hainam to open what Chests he pleased ; and if in case he would not deliver the Keyes , to force them open . Nay , quoth Hainam , for a further confirmation , view his day-book , where if he hath not cross'd it out , you shall see his own hand , his servants hand , and my servants ; so that were he the veriest Knave in the world , there could be no shifting of it : So reaches the Book over , which he looks , and at last findes the Wares written in a hand which the Merchant could not deny but he should know , but avowed he was ignorant of its coming there . Then the Witnesses were asked , Whether they knew those hands ? who both answered , They were their own : insomuch that they wanted little of either making the man mad , or perswaded him he had been so . And further , says Hainam , if you will please to cause this Desk to be opened , I question not but you shall finde another Bill of the Wares , which , if I mistake not , he lock'd therein . The Merchant in a rage replies , He should be hang'd for a cheating Rogue , ere he should look in his Cabinet or Desk ; he would not open it : Whereupon , the Officers broke it open , and turning over some papers , finde this same Bill : Then did they all rail upon him extreamly ; who , poor man , could hardly make any thing audible but his Tears ; but with much ado would cry , Pray secure him , for I know he hath a Familiar : This must needs be the Devils work . And not being able any longer to withstand the Authority of the Officers , he suffered all the goods to be carried away , and with them discharged his house of such an unworthy person as his servant , who he sent away to his Father , and never heard of him after . CHAP. V. How he robbed the Portugal Ambassador of a silver Table . HAinam with his full bags thought it now high time to be gone : whereupon taking ship , he comes to London ; where having some notice of the rich Attendance , with the Appurtenances belonging to the Portugal Ambassador then resident in London , he fits himself to repair unto his Lodgings ; where , discerning a small Table of pure silver , which served onely as an ornament to the Room wherein it stood , he presently contrives his plot to steal it , and never wanted some to assist him : He sends a discreet young man into the room , to speak with a Gentleman which was there walking ; which man was to pretend some occasional businesse , as he did : but what it was , I am ignorant of . The man being entred the Room in a gay Sute , Gallant-like , salutes the Gentleman , and begins to frame his discourse , which he continued , walking with him from one end of the Room to the other ; who had no sooner turned his back , but Hainam following of him , nimbly conveys the silver Table under his Cloak , and stands at the door as he did formerly : His Companion seeing the Table gone , and walking on that side whereon it stood , shadowed the vacant place thereof ( from the Gentlemans sight ) with his body as he walked ; and being come to the door where Hainam stood with the Table , he steps forth , pretending to have somewhat to say to Hainam concerning their discourse , and willed the Gentleman to step forth with him . Not many words passed , till Hainam watching his fit time , tells them he would go call his friend which waited without for their return : but when he was half way down , his Companion calls after him by a devised Name ; and meeting on the middle of the stairs , they both call to the Gentleman whom they found walking , who not knowing but that they might have some real business with him , goes unto them ; and being come , they joyntly tell him , That about an hour after that time , he might expect their return , and then a fuller account of their business . Having thus said , they leave him , who returned to his former walk ; and immediately missing the silver Table , did mistrust them for the Thieves that had stollen it : But before he could get down stairs , they were gotten clearly out of sight ; and taking ship for Paris , could never be afterwards heard of , not returning to finish their discourse , which they left so abruptly , that the Gentleman did say , it was the pitifull'st Tale that ever he had heard . CHAP. VI . How he was Imprisoned at Paris , but escaped . HAinam being for some Exploits in Paris imprisoned in the Common Goal ; and because his fact was great , as for robbing a French Lord , he was guarded with a load of iron , and having a great chain about his middle , was fastened to a stake , which for the said purpose was drove into the ground : but Hainam , with his File and other tools , being his Arts-master , easily shook off all his shackles , and by main force , like a second Samson , rooted up the post from out the ground , which having done he easily escapes . CHAP. VII . How he was again re-taken ; with the manner of his strange escape . BUt after a strict inquiry and search after him , he was found in the Chimney of a neighboring house , into which he gets , having not time to make a further flight : So being again in custody , he was suddenly tryed , and was in a short time to be Executed at the Mill . And that he might not then make use of shifts , he had a guard of Men , and was in Chains : But having vowed himself a Prisoner to his Guard , and that he would not stir , but onely use his mirth and frolicks with them ; he gives them drink and money , of which he had no want , nor they , so long as he continued with them : but having one time made them drunk , his Chains he soon unknit ; which he with ease would do , and put them on again : he takes three Screws , with which he used to ascend a house , by thrusting them into any wall of stone or brick ; which so easily enter'd , that in a short time he would end his purpose . One of these Screws he takes , and windes it into the Prison-wall ; then taking another , with which he does the same a step above the former , and so a third ; and by these Screws got up unto the top : the undermost of which he pulleth forth , and setteth it above the others . Being almost at his journeys end , and earger to have his Name divulg'd , that he might ride upon the wings of Fame , he calls unto the Guard ; one of which with much ado he wakes , but to so little purpose , that being drunk , he could hardly see him ; but hearing of a noise , cryed out in French , Lye still , you drunken Rogue : But Hainam , not taking his advice , he makes his entrance through the top , and that night leaves the City . CHAP. VIII . How he Robbed the King of France . HAving been at the charge of a long imprisonment , where he had nothing to do , but to do nothing : Let us now take him in his wants ; he was no other then a Rogue in Rags : but having an itching desire to a better estate , he thus bethinks him , That the King of France had an Exchequer , wherein they laid several great sums of all Coyns throughout the world , to the end that any Ambassadors , either from or to him , might be furnish'd with such as their necessities should crave . Hainam having now received a taste of this same Honey , thought it long until he had his fill ; and having provided a small Screw , with which he could lift any thing under the weight of Twenty hundred , he thus repairs to Court , and straightway fell to action ; and with such efficacy , that in a short space he became Master of more then he could master : for having unhing'd six doors , he found his entrance into the Exchequer : But one of his Companions , thinking it a Christian resolution , to be contented with a little , if got by a frugal honesty , in hopes of a reward , betrays the Plot : Whereupon , Hainam was search'd for , who taking up a bag of some French Crowns , casts it to the other end of the Room , leaving the mouth of the bag something loose , which in the fall made such a noise , that the searchers supposed the Thief to be there ; and that they might not miss him , ran earnestly to the place where they judged the Thief was , who standing in a corner near the door , stole forth , escaping onely with the gain of 100 Pistolets , and the loss of abundance more he might have had : by the help of which , he , with some others , got a speedy transportment unto Bristol . CHAP. IX . How he Robb'd a Merchant in Bristol . VVHere he , with some of his Companions , perceiving a Goldsmiths glass which stood upon the stall , to be well-furnish'd , watched their opportunity to steal it , which one night they thus effected : The shop being open somewhat beyond the hour , by reason of a Gentlemans stepping in just when the youth was going to remove the glass ; which Gentleman was purposely sent by Hainam to cheapen Rings , and to pretend he had some Gold to change : While they two were talking , in comes Hainam , and asks the Apprentice , if he had any silver Buttons : which he had no sooner said , but , says he , pointing to the young mans face , you have a spot of dirt upon your Nose ; and therewithall throws a handful of beaten Pepper in his eyes : which while the young man was wiping out , away goes he in the shop with the box of Rings , and Hainam with the box which stood upon the stall . All which , when the youth recovered his sight , he presently missed ; and calling to the Neighbors , ran to overtake them , that way which by the noise of their running he supposed they might take , but never overtook them , nor heard he either of them or the goods . CHAP. X. How being taken , he attempted to break Prison , but was notably prevented . HAinam having hitherto escap'd the Sword of Justice ( which hung over his head , and was ready to cut the thread of his Mortality ) dared even God himself , as if heaven were too high , and earth too low for his imperious Minde . Having sail'd through many dangers , and once more driven on the Rock that split his Fortunes , he was safely cast upon the shore at Newgate ; but not without jeopardy of life : for his Accusations tumbled in , as fast as he was loose ; so that it was a desperate game , and doubtful , nothing to be expected , but the favour of a speedy death . But in the nick of time , when he had almost shook hands with the world , his active brain conceived some sparks of hope , arising from his Keepers sudden visit , with whom he stood , whether to discourse with him , or with his Keyes , the sequel will inform you . But so it was , no sooner was his Keeper gone , but he having kept a strong remembrance of the Wards , discharg'd his head of that same toyl , and wrought the forms in some few ends of Candles lying by him ; which he had no sooner done , but delivered it to a friend , to procure a Key sutable to his patern ; which accordingly he did , and delivered it unto him , by the help of which he attempted to force the Prison locks ; and had opened some , insomuch that he assayed to the last of all , where being discovered by the Keeper , he was unfortunately prevented , and with greater care secured for the future . CHAP. XI . How he desperately got away , and cunningly deceives the Watch . BUt all the care which could be used or thought on , nor all the locks and bars which could be made , were strong enough to hold him , so subtile was he in his tricks and slights , that he would break the iron Chains like thread , as lately was too manifest : for having forc'd his way through many barricadoes , he gets him to the Leads , and by vertue of his Coat or Cloak , which he tears , and fastens like a Cord , conveyed himself upon the neighboring houses , and by a leap from thence into the street ; in which adventure he shrewdly hurt his Leg : but dissembling of his hurt , he takes him to the Gate , thorow which he was to enter , where being come , he calls unto a Watchman , and in the best drunken phrase he had , desired him to wait upon him home , and for his pains a shilling should reward him . The VVatchman then ambitious of the office , not onely caused the VVicket to be opened , but supposing him to be much in drink , leads him towards his place of habitation , which he informed them was on Holborn-Hill ; and having reach'd the Conduit , there salutes him two or three of his Companions , who to the VVatchman seemed to be Sparks ; but having entertained a short discourse , they offer to assist him on his way , and to that end liberally discharge his former guard ; who seeing that they knew him , went his way , not doubting any thing : but no sooner was the Watchman gone , but Hainam was conducted to a place where there was a horse provided for him , on which he mounts , rides to St. Albans , and was by a Surgeon there , cured of the burthen of a useless Leg. CHAP. XII . He takes a Lodging in Essex . HAving , as you heard , escaped out of Newgate , he leaves S. Albans , and journeys into Essex ; where he there takes his lodging at an Alehouse : standing at the door one day , when his Landlady was gone to Lees about some business , a Gentleman coming by , took cognizance of him ; but Hainam fearing lest he would betray him , presently runs to his Chamber ; the door of which being lock'd , and the Key missing , he breaks it open , and taking out 400 l. in Gold , which he had thither brought , he left a shilling and a pound of Sugar on the Table to satisfie his Landlady , and departed . CHAP. XIII . How he was again apprehended , and the manner of his Escape . TO prevent the designs of an evil fortune , he thought it no policy to stand at his Lodging to consider which way to steer his course ; therefore hies him to a private place not far off , where he resolved to remove to Redriff ; where he had not long been , but by the Constable and some others he was guarded up to London , as farre as to Warwick-lane : where being , at the end , within sight of the fatal Colledge , he made a proffer to escape ; to prevent which , they catch hold of his cloak , which he suddenly unbuttoned ; and leaving his cloak in their hands , very fairly escaped . CHAP. XIV . How he Robbed a poor man , and delivered him his Money again . REsiding now in London , he was informed , that a certain man at Newington had in his house some moneys lately delivered unto him , which he attempted to seize , and did , by breaking in in the night : but understanding that the man was poor , and the sum not being much , he returns it him again ( after the good mans hard intreaties ) and with these words left him , There honest man , take your Moneys , I come not to rob the poor . CHAP. XV . How he cheated a Goldsmith in Cheapside . ANother time he provided himself of rich clothes , which when he had put on , he comes to a Goldsmiths in Cheap-side , and desired to see some Rings , and of the best , by reason it was for a special Friend ; giving them to understand by the dumb expressions of his smiling signes , that it was to be bestowed on his Lady , and therefore would desire him to shew him the best he had , for which he should have what content he asked . The Goldsmith then shews him divers choyce ones , but above all , one very rich , which he valued at the rate of 18 l. This Hainam pitch'd upon , and calling for a candle and some wax , having a Letter ready writ , he pretends to send it by a friend , who that night was to leave the City . A candle was brought him , and he having a counterfeit Ring in his pocket , pulls it out , and wraps it in the Letter , leaving the true one in its place ; and having sealed the Letter , gives it to the young man of the shop , desiring his Master to let him carry it home with him , to the end he might there receive his Money , which was in Pauls Church-yard ; which was without any suspition easily granted : so forth he struts , with the Goldsmiths man following him ; who being come to Mr. Corbets the Cooks in the Church-yard , quoth Hainam , Come in friend ; and being in the house , he called for a cup of Beer , which was brought ; he drank to the Goldsmith , and when done , tells him he will go up to his Chamber and fetch his Money : The youth thought he was safe enough , so long as he had the Ring ; but he in stead of going for the Money , slips out of door , and was never heard of after . A long while the young man waited , but no Man nor Money could be heard of ; insomuch that he began somewhat to fear , and inquiring of the house for him , they cryed , They knew him not : then was he assured of his loss , and returning home , opened the Letter , wherein he found the brass Ring , and no other writing , but Set this to the account of your constant Customer . CHAP. XVI . How he seized an English Ship , and sold it in another Countrey for 1700 l. THere being a Knot of these Blades of about sixteen in Number met together , whereof Hainam and one Martin were the chief : which Martin put it to the Vote amongst them , Whether they should then seize on such a ship as then lay in the River ; which , it being resolved on , and to that purpose hearing the ship was bound for France , they in two dayes time coming one by one , and not taking any cognizance one of another , they agree with the Master to land them on some part of France , who promised he would : but having lanched forth , and the night over-shadowed the Deep , when most of the Mariners were asleep , excepting one or two which stayed upon the Deck , who upon some excuse they send belowe ; who were no sooner down , but the sixteen appear at a Watchword among them , and locking all the Seamen under-Deck , carry the ship to France ; where disburthening it of the Men , and such Goods as there was , they in a short time following sell it for Seventeen hundred pounds ; and having shared the Moneys , take their leaves , some for Spain , some for Denmark , and some for England : where , in process of time , Martin , and two or three more were apprehended , and for the Fact , five or six years since Bequeathed their Souls to God , and their Clothes to the Common Executioner at Tyburn . CHAP. XVII . How he cozened a Gentleman of four Jewels . HAinam having in his Voyages gotten some acquaintance with a Gentleman , to whom he seemed to owe abundance of respect , was by this Gentleman accidentally met in the street ; and that they might renew their former knowledge , was by the Gentleman invited to a Dinner . Hainam having the mischievous engine of his brain in continual action , needed no double invitation , but promises to see him the next day ; and to spend some time with him , in the relating of such passages , which in his travels his eyes could bear him witness of . The next day , when come , Hainam goes to the Gentlemans house , where he was entertained in a plenteous manner , with Dishes of all sorts ; and after Dinner , the Gentleman shewed him the Relicks of his Travels : which several Toyes , with some Jewels which he had brought with him ; four of which Jewels Hainam in a trice conveyed between the two crowns of his Hat , which he had made for such like purposes : the Gentleman little mistrusting him , but thought he had pull'd off his hat by reason of the heat of the season . But going to lay every thing in its proper place , the Jewels were soon mist , and no body being there but the Gentleman and Hainam , it was clear enough that one must have them : But Hainam rages at the sudden losse , and freely himself urges to be search'd ; and for better satisfaction , was search'd : but though the Jewels could not be found , the Gentlemans countenance shewed , that he conceived a jealousie of Hainam ; which Hainam taking heinously , would needs be gone , and without any more words , then ( Farewel you and your Jewels too ) he left him . CHAP. XVIII . How it was afterwards known , that Hainam had the Jewels . THe Gentleman despairing of ever finding them , being confident that none but Hainam could convey them thence , gets some printed Bils , which he stuck about the streets , and left at Goldsmiths shops ; by the which he came to hear of one , and consequently of all the Jewels : for a Gentleman , to whom Hainam proffered to make sail of one of the Jewels , bought it at an easie rate ; and seeing those Bills , which directed to the loosers house , he hyes him thither , and shewing the Jewel , it prov'd the right ; so that the Gentleman very honestly returns it for the same price it cost him ; and after the description of the Thief appeared evidently to be Hainam , who was then pursued . CHAP. XIX . How he being pursued , notably escapes , and puts a trick upon his Wench . BEing one day at an Alehouse with his Wench , it so fell out , that the Gentleman which bought the Jewel of him came by , and seeing him , went and fetched Officers to apprehend him : He not thinking any hurt , was towards dallying with his Wench ; and for her Cut-Lemmon , agreed to give her one of those Jewels which he then shewed her ; which bargain was soon finish'd ; he gives her the Jewel , upon which while she was looking , in comes the Gentleman with the Officers , who when they saw the Lasse having the Jewel in her hand , tended the burthen of their business rather towards her then Hainam ; who in the interim slips aside , and by leaping into another body's house , currantly escaped , leaving his true Jewel and his crack'd one behinde him ; who ( that we may not digresse from the point in hand ) we leave in the custody of a trusty Prison . CHAP. XX . How he was secured in Germany , and got away . HAving now , as it were , fetters upon his Legs , and so much a Prisoner to the world , as not to know in which part thereof to inhabit , his wandring thoughts carried him to Germany , where he found , That though God hath Leaden Feet , he quickly overtook him , and made him likewise know , That he had Iron Hands : For having played some prank there , he was apprehended and committed to Prison ; where , having continued about a Fortnight , he goes to three Prisoners more , and told them , That that night he intended to procure a way for the escaping of them all ; whereupon they are mighty jovial , till the time came they were escape ; at which time Hainam , and two of the others got out , leaving the third , that in their mirth , had made himself so drunk , that he not power to stand , much less to run away ; and was the next Assizes , for Coyning and other Misdemeanors , hanged at the common place of Execution . CHAP. XXI . How he Robb'd the Duke of Normandy . HAving , as you have heard , broken Prison again , he betakes himself to Normandy , where having accommodated himself with a habit befitting some honourable Person , and Attendance sutable to the same ; which when he had done , after he had enquired into the Affairs of the Duke of Normandy's Court , he in person visits it : where he found the Duke at Dinner in his Dining-Room : in which Room there stood a Cupboard of Plate to a great value ; together with two standing Cups beset with Diamonds , to the value of Four thousand pounds , which he attempted to make prize of ; but missing his opportunity , was smoak'd , and onely pinch'd the Cully of a Casket of Jewels of Seven hundred pounds . CHAP. XXII . How he Robb'd Justice Marsh at Hackney of Four hundred pounds . BEing desirous once more to see his Native Countrey , he takes shipping in an English ship ; whither when he was arrived , having notice that at such a place there was a booty for him , he undertakes to gripe it ; and in the night , having broke into the house where it was , after a serious searching , found a Chest , in the bowels of which , when he had untomb'd it , he found in silver and gold to the value of Four hundred pounds , and a small Cabinet , wherein were divers Writings ; which when he came to open , after his perusal , he found them to be of some concernment to the Gentleman , he fairly parts stakes , keeps the Moneys , and by a Messenger of Trust , returns the Gentleman his Writings . CHAP. XXIII . How he Robb'd Alderman Hancock at the Greyhound Tavern in Fleetstreet . AFter he was convicted for Robbing of Alderman Hancock , concerning which , being desired by some Ministers and friends to clear his conscience , he confessed in the presence of one of the Aldermans Kinsmen , the day before he dyed , That he broke open the door ; and being supposed the stoutest of the company , was left to defend the same , in case any Tumult should arise without . But after they had finisht what they went for ; and when return'd , informed him , That they had wounded the Alderman , he denyed to share of their booty ; protesting , That above all things , he abhorred the shedding of blood . CHAP. XXIV . How Hainam and his complices cozened a Merchant of London of 300 l. HAinam taking occasion to visit a Merchant in Marke-lane , under pretence of some businesse he had with him from a Merchant at Cullen , from whence he lately came . The Merchant being somewhat busie in his Counting house , desired by his man , that the Gentleman who attended to speak with him , would be pleased to come to him thither , who imediately was conducted by the Merchants servant to his Master ; where after some ceremonies , Hainam took a seat , and so they fell to discourse ; but Hainam who had setled his fancy upon something more pleasing to him then the discourse , which was three bags of money which lay upon the Table ( every one containing 100 l. a piece ) and eying them very exactly , perceived them to be sealed all with one seal ; and leaving no stone unturned to gain his enterprise , made with his eye a diligent search to finde the seal lying anywhere in the Counting house , but not perceiving any , began to draw to a conclusion of his discourse , and pretended he had forgot some earnest businesse which he should have done with another Merchant a neighbour of his from the same Merchant at Cullen ; desires to be excused at that time , that he must so abruptly break off their discourse , and he would wait upon him at some other time ; the Merchant being unwilling he should part without the civility of his house , desired him with many complements to stay and drink a glasse of new wine , which with a great many complements he refused , but at last yeelded , if that he would be pleased to honour him with his company to the Antwerp Tavern behind the Exchange , where he had appointed to meet with the neighbour Merchant . At last they both concluded so to do ; but Hainam pretended he had some other businesse with some other Gentlemen at another place , which he would only write a line or two to them , not to expect his coming at that time , but would give them directions how to finish their businesse themselves ; and so desired that he would be pleased to favour him with a piece of paper , and a pen and inke , with which he was presently accommodated ; wherein he took occasion to write to one of his men that waited on him , his full mind about the premises , which when he had finished , he desired the Merchant to lend him his seal to seal it , which he presently took out of his pocket ( it being a seal Ring ) which Hainam well observed to be the same impression with the seals on the bags of money , with which he was well pleased , then he made presently another excuse to make a Postscript to his Letter of some thing which then came in his mind ; which he did , adding his mind further how he had projected to deceive the Merchant of 300 l. which when he had done , he sealed his Letter and gave to one of his attendants , and bid him make hast with it , and bring him an answer to the Antwerp Tavern behind the Exchange . So the Merchant having received his seal put it on his finger , and left his Cashkeeper in his Counting-house , and to the Antwerp they went ; where they had not long been , but falling into discourse of divers businesses , came at last to businesses of Merchandizing , and so by degrees fell to praising of divers rare inventions and curious workmanship , that at last the Merchant came to praise the rare workmanship of his Ring , it being presented him from the Indies rarely graved ; which was the thing Hainam principally aimed at to discourse of . Humbly desired him he would be pleased to let him see it , which the Gentleman willingly assented to , and seriously viewing of it , praised the rare invention of the Graver , that had exprest an Angell ascending into the Heavens , threatning vengeance ( as was expressed by a flaming sword in her hand ) to a man underneath her , adoring the Godesse Pecunia , which Hainam exceedingly admired how rarely it was exprest ; in the midst of this admiration , his man whom he had sent with the pretended Letter came in and desired to speak privately with him ; in which conference Hainam gave his man an account of what he should do for the gaining the three bags of money . Which was thus neatly done , Sir , said Hainam , I cannot but admire the rare invention of the Graver which hath done it so exquisitly that no hand in the world could mend it , nay equall it . Sirah Franck , sayes Hainam to his man , do you know Mr. Richeson the Stonecutter , that has the Stone a cutting for me which the Queen of Bohemia gave me ; Yes and please your Honour answers his man ; pretheee go to him and bid him come hither presently , I shall and please your Honour . Away went the man ( and by and by coming again , as before the plot was laid ) told his Master he was at home , but had taken Physick that day , and was in no capacity to go abroad . I am sorry for that , sayes Hainam , but I will request so much favour of this Gentleman as to lend me his Ring to send to him , to have him cut mine exactly the same impression as is this , so much sayes he , I am pleased with the fancy . Which the Gentleman readily did ; and so Hainam bid him make hast , and go into Mark-lane and bid Mr. T. H. come to him presently , for he had waited there two houres for him , and bid the Graver take an exact impression , but bid him not grave his stone till he spake with himself . Away went his man , being not a little pleased to see that he was like to possess the Merchants silver ; comes to the Merchants house , and enquires for the Cashkeeper , which when the Cashkeeper saw him , knew him to be the Gentlemans man that went out with his Master , desired to know his businesse , he told him his Master was at the Antwerp Tavern behind the Exchange , and had sent for the 300 l. upon the Table in the Counting-house sealed with his Masters seal , and there was his seal ; which when the man saw , he presently delivered the money and sent his Master the Ring again . And the man for fear the Merchants man should profer to go along with him to carry the money , told him , his Master desired him to perfect ▪ the account he was making up as soon as he could , and desired to know where he might have a Porter to carry the money ; one was called , so away they went together into Birtchir-lane , and there he left the money and discharged the Porter , and so went to his Master and carried the Merchant his Ring , and told his Master all things should be done according to his mind ; and also that the Merchant he sent him to , was gone to the Pie Tavern at Aldgate with some other Gentlemen of his acquaintance , and desired he would be pleased presently to come to him thither , which he seemed to be angry at , and so with many complements at the last called for a reckoning , which the Merchant would needs pay , and so parted . So Hainam and his man went into Birtchin-lane , and took the money between them and away they went , leaving the Merchant to the protection of his angry Angell , while Hainam himself adored and imbraced the Goddesse Pecunia . CHAP. XXV . How Hainam cheated a Draper in Gratious-street , never heard of nor ever owned by the Draper , but confest by Hainam to a friend of his in Newgate . HAinam having pincht the Cully on London Bridge of a small piece of plate , conceived he was pursued , hearing some noise behind him , which was occasioned by two Butchers dogs in Eastcheap fastening one of the other , marched forward in no small hast ; but perceiving ( by casting his eye into a Drapers shop ) the Master of the shop telling forth of a considerable sum of money , stept into the shop , and presently without speaking to any one , set himself down on a stool by the Counter side , and by and by lookt out of the door , his fear of being pursued being over , cast in his thoughts how he might be possessed of those glistering faces ; but before the Gentleman of the shop had done telling of his money , he cast his eye on his Customer that stood attending , desiring he would be pleased to give an account of his businesse . Sir , sayes Hainam , I am loath to trouble you till you have done your businesse , lest you in minding my businesse , you should commit an error in telling your money , which would put you to a double labour to tell it over again ; but so it fell out , the Gentl●man did mistake and so was fain to tell it over again , which Hainam eyed very diligently ; insomuch that he took an exact account ( by his telling ) how much there was ; and also it fell out , that there was a parcell of about 14 thirteenpence halfpennies which he put in a paper by themselves , and noted on the paper how many there was , which Hainam observed , and when the Gentleman had done , he put the rest of the money in the bag , and also the paper of odd monies , which Hainam well noted ; and afterwards the Gentleman took a piece of paper and writ upon it the value of it , which was 70 and odde pounds , and he being going forth of Town , left a direction upon the bag who he would have it payed to ; which he easily observed by leaning on his elbow ; and also observed where he laid the money . After he had so done , Hainam began to speak to him , Sir , if you have finished , I shall give you an account of my businesse , which is this , Sir I have a parcell of Calicoes lately come from the Indies , which indeed I can sell more then an ordinary penniworth , by reason we had them freed of Custome and Excise , and I desire to deal with no better chapman then your self , being acquainted with your worth and ability ; being directed to you by Mr. R. B. a Broaker upon the Exchange , to whom I addrest my self unto being newly come into England , who advised me to your self ; and so it fell out for him that the Gentleman knew the Broaker he named very well , and had spoke to him about some Calicoes , the Gentleman was extreamly desirous to drink a pint of wine with Hainam , but he refused it , in that he would not be so uncivill as to hinder his journey upon so small an account ; but at last to the Kings-head in Fishstreet they went , where after some discourse they began to treat of their bargain , and the Gentleman desired to know their finenesse , and about what prices they were of : Sir , sayes Hainam , I come not Sir to make you a price of them here , but Sir be pleased to come to one Mr. Harris a Merchant , well known in little More-fields , and there you shall hear of me , my name is Denham , and you may see the commodities which for mine own part I have no great judgment in , but your friend and mine Mr. R. B. has seen them , and I parted from him but even now at a friend house here hard by , and but for incivility to leave you alone , I would step and call him : the Gentleman answers his complement with a desire to step for him . Hainam presently steps out and goes to the Drapers shop , and goes to one of the servants and desires him to deliver him the bag of money in such a place , marked with so much money , and directed for Mr. T. S. by the same token there is 14 thirteenpence halfpennies in a piece of printed paper in the bag , which the fellow opened and found it so as he had said , delivered him the bag . Hainam telling him he met the Gentleman that was to have the money at the Tavern , and so desired him to fetch it by that token . Hainam having gotten the prize safe , went towards F●shstreet a pace , and going along pretended to make water at the Counduict , only to look back to see if any of the men followed him ; and casting his eye suddenly back , perceived one of the youths to stand at the door looking that way , which Hainam perceiving after he had done , marched forward his usuall pace , but presently started back again , and goes to the shop again , and perceiving Customers in the shop buying of Cloth , tels the man that stood at the door , he had forgot one thing , which was , that he should go up into his Masters Chamber , and in the window he should finde a writing sealed , which he should bring to his Master presently at the Kings-head , and that he was in the Room called the Crown , and if he found it not in the window , he should find it somewhere else about the Chamber ; presently the boy went to look the writing , which with much search he could not find ; he went to his Master , telling him he could not finde the writing he sent for ; the Master wondring what the boy meant , at last the boy telling him the story , the Master perceived he was pincht , went home with a heavie heart ; and charged his men ( after some correction for their too much credulity ) never to divulge it to any person whatsoever ; so much he was ashamed the world should take notice how nea●ly he was cheated . CHAP. XXVI . How he returned to England , was taken ( and afterwards hanged ) for robbing an Alehouse in St. Swithins-lane . HAving now sufficiently lined his purse against the inundations of a winters day , he strikes up sail for England , where when he was arrived , he meets with his Father in law Mr. Rudd , one more , whose name I know not , and the wife of Thomas Dales a Fidler , whose came to Mr. Langhornes a small Victualling house , at the Kings-head in St. Swithins-lane , and desired a Room above stairs , which was shewed them ; they call for a cup of Bear , which they drank , and the party returned that brought it up ; then fall they to their work , which was to pick open a chest wherein they were informed monies lay . The woman having occasion to go to her Chest for money , perceived them at it ; retires privily , and by warrant from the next Justice , apprehended two of them , which as it afterwards appeared , had taken out 8 l. 19 s. in money , with other goods which the woman conveyed away ; and Hainam likewise making his way thorow the house top , left his Father in law , and the other to the mercy of the Law . But not contented with this fair escape , but being sent by heaven to be punished for his villanies on earth , he in three or four hours returns ( having shifted his apparell at his lodging hard by , in the house of one Chamberlayne a Box-maker and an Alehouse-keeper in Beer-binder lane neer Lumbardstreet ) and supposing that the Master of the house Mr. Langhorne knew him , with a Dagger which for that purpose he brought with him , he stab'd Mr. Langhorne in the back and twice thorow the arme , intending to have killed him ; and again made his escape over the houses till he came into Sergeant Probyes yard , whose man having some businesse at that time there , espies him coming towards him with two Daggers in his hands , whereupon he runs for a Rapier which he had not far off , and engaged with him ; Sergean Proby having by this time heard or seen something , comes with another weapon to the assistance of his man , with which he valiantly encountred Hainam , and wounded him in the thigh , but was himself suddenly after stabbed in the belly by Hainam ; yet having the more right on his side , he took the greater courage , and put the more confidence in his might , by the power of which Hainam was held in play till it so fortuned that a Gentleman of 23 or 24 years of age coming by , perceived the fray , and discerning desperate wounds arising from their blowes , he drawes his sword , and with that in his hand , forceth entrance at the door , which Hainam perceiving to open , runs at , endevouring to escape , but the Gentleman starting back wounds him on the leg , and with another blow he cut him in the head , and following his blow closely , he sals within him , so that Hainam had neither time nor power to use his Daggers or his two Pistols which at that time he had about him in his pocket . Being thus overmatched , he was attended to the Counter , where it was found he had 7 l. about him ; at the taking away of which he vowed , they did him a great displeasure , for he intended the day following to be drunk therewith . But his intentions thus crossed , he was the next morning being June 15. 1656. guarded by six men with Clubs and Daggers to the prison of Newgate . CHAP. XXVII . How he had almost escaped again . NOtwithstanding the privy search that was made as well for weapons as for monies , and other mischievous imployments , he had concealed a small file , which he hid in a place made fit for it in his cloathes , to the intent that when he should be fettered in Newgate ( which he was assured he should be , having been formerly condemned ) he might with that work himself out of bondage . This file was of such a nature that should you stand in the Room where it was filing off a thick iron bar , yet you could not hear the noise . With this file had he disrobed himself of most of his Fetters , and wanted little of proving himself a loose man ; but being discovered sooner by his Keepers eyes then his eares , he was at that time prevented , and more carefully lookt unto for the future ; yet was the file undiscovered , and so continued till he was challenged to the field to answer at his death for several abuses performed by him in his life . CHAP. XXVIII . The Execution of Richard Hainam in Smithfield-rounds , with a brief account of his dying words . THe next day his Keepers ( through the fear they conceived of his escaping , which they well do , there having been one formerly hanged on the same account ) they sent to the Maior and Court of Aldermen , desiring a speedy dispatch ; otherwise they feared their Prisoner would pay his ransome with some of their lives , as he formerly had done . Whereupon it was immediately concluded on , that he should be hanged in the Rounds of Smithfield , June 17. 1656. being Tuesday . Which day being come , he was accordingly carryed in a Cart unto the place of Execution , apparelled in a stuffe suit laced in the seames with a small silver lace , a most pure rough Hat , a black Cloak with things sutable thereto ; all which upon the Ladder he bequeathed to the Hangman . He said but little , and that little tended to the clearing of his Landlord and Landlady Chamberlayne where he lay , who were both at that time in custody . He said , that he came thither in the condition of a working Goldsmith , and they knew no other but that every day when he went forth , he went about his lawfull occasions , he pretending that he wrought a broad . And for his Father in Law , he hardly knew him , so lately were they acquainted , but for his wife and some others , if they deserved ought , he would not save them , nor would he accuse them . He denyed that he robbed the King of Scots , and said he would rather have parted with a thousands pounds then have been so asperst . His confession was but small , alleadging it a point of P●pery to give an account to mortals , or to any one but God . Moreover , he denyed the Messias , and said he ought to pray only to the Father and not to the Son , as not believing he was yet come , but that he would come . Having disburdened his mind of what he then delivered , he puls forth ( or caused it to be pulled forth ) his file , and delivered it to Mr. Brisco who belongs to Newgate , and with a jumpe from the Ladder , as the Ep●logue of his Exploits , we leave him taking his last swing . Thus courteous Readers you have his imprimis , His items , totals , and at last his FINIS . 
A63732	----	A true relation of the unjust accusation of certain French gentlemen (charged with a robbery, of which they were most innocent) and the proceedings upon it, with their tryal and acquittance in the Court of Kings Bench, in Easter term last published by Denzell Lord Holles, partly for a further manifestation of their innocency, (of which, as he is informed, many do yet doubt) and partly for his own vindication, in regard of some passages at that tryal, which seemed very strongly to reflect upon him. Holles, Denzil Holles, Baron, 1599-1680. 1671 Approx. 83 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-07 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A63732 Wing T3064_VARIANT ESTC R28675 17351047 ocm 17351047 106402 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A63732) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 106402) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1105:26) A true relation of the unjust accusation of certain French gentlemen (charged with a robbery, of which they were most innocent) and the proceedings upon it, with their tryal and acquittance in the Court of Kings Bench, in Easter term last published by Denzell Lord Holles, partly for a further manifestation of their innocency, (of which, as he is informed, many do yet doubt) and partly for his own vindication, in regard of some passages at that tryal, which seemed very strongly to reflect upon him. Holles, Denzil Holles, Baron, 1599-1680. [2], 44 p. Printed by J. 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Great Britain -- History -- Restoration, 1660-1688. 2003-01 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-03 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-05 Jonathan Blaney Sampled and proofread 2003-05 Jonathan Blaney Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-06 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A True RELATION OF THE Unjust Accusation Of Certain French Gentlemen , ( Charged with a Robbery , of which they were most Innocent ) And the Proceedings upon it , with their Tryal and Acquittall●● in the Court of Kings Bench , in Easter Term last . Published by DENZELL LORD HOLLES , Partly for a further manifestation of their Innocency , ( of which , as he is informed , many do yet doubt ) and partly for his own Vindication , in regard of some Passages at that Tryal , which seemed very strongly to reflect upon him . London , Printed by J. Darby , for Richard Chiswel , at the two Angels and Crown in Little-Britain , 1671. COnceiving my self under some necessity , not onely to make known the Innocency of a couple of young Gentlemen of the French Nation , whom a curiosity of seeing other Countries besides their own had brought into England , and who , by a great deal of Art and Malice , had been drawn into danger by a Robbery laid to their charge , of which they were as free as the Child new born ; And also to vindicate my self of some blemish , which was endeavoured to be cast upon me at the Tryal of those Gentlemen in the Kings Bench , as if something had been done by me , not fair nor justifiable , in the carriage of that Business , and some harsh usage which I received in Court : These considerations have induced me to make publick the whole Proceeding from the beginning to the end . But by the way , let me answer one thing which may be objected , Why I have staid so long to set out this Narrative , it being now almost a twelve month since these transactions were , which gave the occasion for it ? to which I say , That it was still my desire , before I made it publick in Print , to be judicially cleared in my Reputation ; and before I did apply my self to any Higher Power cither King or Parliament to be so cleared , to do my self first that right , to declare the truth of all Passages , whereby the clearness of my Proceedings might appear , I still being in the same capacity , and upon the same level , as I was , when those indignities were put upon me , and when such a disguise was put upon the whole business as the truth could not appear , that was , to give a full and true account of all in an Ordinary Court of Justice , which I would have done then in the Kings Bench , but could not be suffered , and for which I knew I should have an opportunity , when those Gentlemen should bring their Action against the Persons who had so falsly and ma●itiously accused them , as they have since done in the Court of Common Pleas , and there I did them and my self that right , to lay open the whole matter , with which the Court and Jury were so well satisfied , that they had a Verdict for Four hundred Pounds dammages against them ; and after that , I immediately made my Complaint in the House of Lords for what concerned my self , where I have received that Justice , which hath abundantly satisfied me , ( my Honour being the only thing dear unto me , which before had been blemi●hed , and was there cleared ) and now I come to present it all to the publick view , and shall do it as succinctly as I may , with all candor and sincerity . These two Gentlemen , One , a youth of about 17 years of age , called Valentine Simon Chevalier de Hoeville ( that is , Knight of Hoeville , according to the French stile , he being destinated ( it seems ) by his Parents to be a Knight of Malta , when they use to give them the Appellation of Knights , even while very young before their going thither to take upon them the Vow and the Habit : ) The other , his Name is Adrian Lampriere S t des Mezieres , young also , but nineteen years old , and of a good Family in Normandy as well as the other , both of them Neighbours to my Wife , and to her Estate in those parts . These two young Men , young●r Brothers , but with money in their Purses , came hither , not to rob upon the High-Way , but to see Fashions , and have seen One with a Witness not very well to be liked by them : They landed at Ratcliff , the second or third of November ; and having a recommendation to lodge at Master Sedgewick's House , a Ba●●●r , in the Strand , they came thither , and there they continued , till forced to lie in a Prison against their Wills. Though they were Neighbours , and their Parents of acquaintance and Friends to my Wife , yet she heard not of them , till they were made to cry to her out of the Goal of Hartford ; They excused it afterwards that they would not see her , till they had put themselves into Black Clothes , as most wore at that time . They kept in their Lodgings , and scarce ever went out , but to their Dinners and Suppers at an Ordinary ( as several Credible Witnesses made it out at their Tryal ) from the day of their coming to London , until the Thursday sennight after , which was the 11th of November . That day , they and three others of their Countreymen ( whom they had fallen acquainted with here ) agreed to go see a Merchant about Barnet , with whom they had some business ; Missing of him , they resolved to go see Hatfield House . One of their Company onely spake English , whose Name was Beauuais , themselves not one word , and the other two as little . For this Journey they hired Horses , in two or three places , from several Persons , the best Horse not worth above three Pounds . These Horses were brought to their Lodgings upon the Thursday Morning , their Landlord's Wife passing her word for them . One of the Company had no Boots , a young Youth , whose Father is a rich Merchant in Paris , his Name Boutandon ; He lay in Long-Acre , and took Horse there ; And it is said , they had much adoe to get him upon his Horse , having scarce ever been upon one before , and Boots it is certain he had none at all , nor they say never had any : And not a Pistol among all five . In this Equipage they began their Voyage , how like to be High-Way Men , let any man judge , especially having no Language , nor no knowledge of the Countrey , or of one foot of the way in it , and Horses that could scarce go out of a way when they were in it . They came to Hatfield upon the Market Day , went into the Market , saw Hatfield House , and coming back to their Inn , the Town did rise upon them , and apprehended them for Thieves , that had robbed four Butchers , whose names were Robert Simons , Robert Bellingham , Edward Lawrence , and Solomon Grace , upon Totternol Hill in Bedfordshire the Monday before , being the eighth of November , between three and four of the Clock in the Afternoon . Those Butchers among the rest came , and viewed them , and having seen them , One or two of them ( as I have been told ) were very doubtful of accusing them ; Solomon Grace by Name , saying ( as one Murrel a Chirurgion who did then reside in Hatfield , and was present , hath assured me ) that he would not for the World say , they were the men that did the Robbery : Onely two of the Butchers said , They thought they were them , and going into the Stable , said , They thought they knew one of the Horses . They kept them there all the Thursday , trying to get the Money from them which the Butchers had lost , about 27 pound , upon which condition , they said they would let them go , and not carry them before a Justice . But they refusing it , they then upon the Friday Morning carried them before Sir Francis Butler : He examined them , and heard the Accusation of the four Butchers , without giving them their Oath ; And upon the bare saying of three of them , One , that those men were like those he saw upon the Road , the other two , that they did believe them to be those that robbed them : He made his Mittimus , and sent them to the Goal at Hartford , whither they were compelled to walk on foot : And when they came thither , were presently put into Irons , and laid in a low damp Room , with scarce any light to it , no Bed , and only Straw to lie upon ; and so they lay from Friday the twelfth of November , till the Sunday fortnight after , seventeen dayes , more like Dogs then Persons of any Quality : And no body at London had known what had become of them , if that Murr●l , whom I named b●fore , hearing them tell where they lodged in London , had not of himself come and given notice at that House , That their Guests were in Hartford Goal . The Examination and the Mittimus follow Verbatim . The Examination of Solomon Grace , Drover ; Robert Simmons , Robert Bellingham , and Edward Lawrence , Butchers , all of the Parish of Edmondron in the County of Middlesex , taken before me , One of the Justices of Peace for the County of Hartsord , upon the 12th of November , 1669. Solomon Grace saith , That he riding on the Road near Totternol , saw five young men afoot , with their Horses in their hands ; he suspecting them , made haste from them ; and being got at a good distance , stayed to let his Horse drink , but seeing them coming towards him , he galloped away , and heard one of them say , Farewel old man ; And looking about , saw them all turn back towards Totternol Hill , which was about a mile distance from him ; and saith , That the Persons apprehended are very like those he saw upon the Road. Robert Simmons saith , That on Monday , being the eighth of November , 1669. about three or four of the Clock in the Afternoon , upon Totternol Hill , in the Parish of Totternol , he was robbed , and had 27 pounds taken from him , and believes the Persons now apprehended , are the men which robbed him . Robert Bellingham , as to time and place , agreeth with Robert Simmons , and further saith , That he and Robert Simmons , and Edward Lawrence , riding together , espied five men coming towards them , which they judged to be Thieves , and therefore putting Spurs to their Horses , thought to escape them by riding , but two of them overtaking him , one of the two clapt a Pistol to his Breast ; they searched him , and finding no Money , they took his Bridle and his Girdle , and the other three pursued Robert Simmons , And he verily believes that the black man , which calls himself Adrian Lamperiere , is the man that pulled the Bridle off his Horse . Edward Lawrence saith , He was in Company with Robert Simmons and Robert Bellingham , on the forementioned day , time , and place , and saw the five men , which they suspected to be Thieves , but being well horsed , escaped . The Examination of Paul Bovey , Adrian Lamperier , John Boudandon , Valentine Chivalier , and Guinet Chateuneuf , all French men , taken before me , One of His Majesties Justices of the Peace for the County of Hertford , upon the 12th day of November 1669. Paul Bovey saith , That he is a Servant to One of My Lord Chamberlains Sons , Mr. Edward Montacute , but that he lodgeth at Mr. Munduglas his House , in George Lane in Kings-street , Westminster . He saith he came to Hatfield upon the 11th of November 1669. with four of his Friends , to see the Earl of Salisburies House , And that on Monday before , he and one of his Friends dined at the Scottish Ordinary in Bedfordbury , and on Tuesday they all five dined in the same place . Adrian Lamperier saith , That he came into England the second of this Instant , and that he lodgeth at one Sedgwick's a Barbers , over against the Maypole in the Strand . John Boudandon saith , he came into England the 15th of August last , and lodgeth in Long-Acre , at a Semstress House over against the Castle ; and that he tradeth in Merchandize . Valentine Chevalier lodgeth with Adrian Lamperier , and came into England with him . Guinet Chateauneuf lodgeth with Paul Bouey , which Monsieur Bouey hired all the five Horses , upon which they rode to Hatfield . Sedgwick past his word for three of the Horses , who lives in the Strand over against the May-pole ; and all but Bouey affirm , they were not out of London since they came thither , until the fore-mentioned 11th of November . The Mittimus . To the Keeper of his Majesties Gaol for the County of Hertford . I Herewithall send you the Bodies of Paul Bouey , Adrian de Lamperier , John Boutandon , Valentine Chevalier , and Guinet Chateauneuf , brought this day before me , and charged with the Felonious taking away twenty seven pounds from Robert Simmons of Edmondton , and rifling Robert Bellingham upon Totternol-hill , on the 8th day of this instant November , between three and four of the Clock in the afternoon : These are therefore on the behalf of our Sovereign Lord the King , to command you to receive the forenamed Paul Bouey , Adrian Lamperier , John Boutandon , Valentine Chevalier , and Guinet Chateauneuf , and them safely to keep in your Gaole until they shall be thence delivered by due Order of Law : hereof fail not . Given under my Hand and Seal at Hatfield-Woodhall this 12th of November 1669 , in the 21th year of his Majesties Reign . Francis Boteler . Mr. Sedgwick their Landlord presently sent his Son to Hertford to them , and with him their Servant , whom they had left in London ; And that Servant they sent back , with a Letter to my Wife , to let her know who , and where they were : with which she acquainted me upon the Monday-morning , I being at that time sick in bed . Whereupon I sent for Sedgwick , who came to me immediately , and brought with him the men of whom they had hired the Horses , and his Son , and ( as I remember ) a Servant of his . He gave me an account of those Gentlemen , assuring me they had not been out of London from the time of their coming thither , till that Thursday ; And that he believed them to be very honest men , they having carried themselves very civilly in his House : And however , That he would take his Oath , they had not committed any Robbery upon Monday the 8th of November , for he knew they were all that day in London ; which his Son and Servant likewise affirm● 〈…〉 Men of whom the Horses were hired , said , they 〈…〉 but that Thur●day . And he off●red himself to 〈…〉 , but said he could not possibly go thither to 〈…〉 till the Wednesday ; Upon which day I sent one with him to joyn in the Bayl ; They first went to Sir ●●●ncis Bot●ler , the Justice that had committed them , told him who ●●●se Gentlen w●●e whom he had committed ; that they were persons known unto me s● far , as that I would answer for them , being very well assured that they were not guilty of that Robbery , as having not stirred out of London all that day on which the Robbery was done in Bedfordthire , at thirty miles distance from thence , nor had been out of London from the time of their arrival thither out of France , till the day before he committed them to Hertford-Gaol , which was three dayes after the Robbery , when they went from London to see Hatfield-House ; and that therefore I had sent them to him , to be their Bayl : But all this would not prevail with Sir Francis Boteler , who bade them go to some other Justice , saying , It was not fit for him who had sent them to Prison , to take Bayl for them to let them out . He was then desired , they might not lie in Irons : but he would not meddle with that neither , saying , he left that to the Gaoler , who knew how to keep them . So they left him , and went to seek some other Justice at Hertford , And when they came thither , they found a Letter there from Mr. Justice Morton , that then they could not be bayled . The Letter was directed to the Gaoler of Hertford as follows . SIR , THere being Information given to my Lord Chief Justice and my self , that there are five high-way Robbers apprehended in Hertfordshire , and committed to the Goal , I am desired by my Lord Chief Justice to require you to look carefully to them , that they do not escape out of your Custody , and to iron them well : And withall to write up unto Us by what Names they are committed to you , and what their true Names are , if you have or can discover the same ; because we are informed , That they refuse to declare what their true Names are ; And the Return thereof you are to send by this Bearer , and to be very careful that they may not escape , or be bayled without our special Order : And this we require you to perform at your utmost peril . Chancery-Lane , Nov. 15. 1669. Postscript . I pray you , That the Bearers hereof be admitted to view the Prisoners , and to confer with them . So Sedgwiek , and he that went with him to bayl them , returned next day to London , re infecta , brought me Copies of the Examination , Mittimus , and of Judge Mortons Letter : With which I presently went to Serjeants-Inn to the Judge , and discoursing the matter with him , made it appear they could not be Thieves : so he said , they should be bayled , but that he must speak first with the Chief-Justice , because the Letter had been written by his advice , and he would give me an account of it the next day in the Lords House : He came accordingly , and then told me the Case was altered , since he had seen me , for that the Butchers had now been with the Lord Chief-Justice , and positively charged them with the Robbery upon their Oaths , so as now they were not baylable . I replied , I thought it strange , That first a Justice of Peace should send Men to Prison without any Oath against them , of so much as Suspition , keep them so long in Irons , so hardly used ; and after several dayes lying so , their Accusers to be sent for to swear to their Accusation , when they had not done it before ; so to make good a posteriore , what upon their Commitment before was not good . ( For certainly their Imprisonment , and all the Duress they had suffered , without an Accusation upon Oath , and to refuse bayling them , was unjust and illegal : ) And I said , the King should be acquainted with it : Which he was , and the Chief-Justice was sent for , and I commanded by his Majesty to attend at the same time , which was the Monday after in the morning : When we came thither , the Chief-Justice telling the King they were Highway-men , and I affirming they were not , and that I would undertake for them body for body : His Majesty said , they should then be bayled , and commanded the Chief-Justice accordingly to do it , who said he would ; but yet was it a whole week after , ere I could get them brought to the Kings-Bench Bar to be bayled ; For just that day sennight after , upon the Monday , they were brought thither , and there I entered into a Recognizance of Two thousand Pounds for their Appearance at the next Assizes at Bedford : And all that week they had lain in Irons in their nasty Hole at Hertford : Nay , I am credibly inform'd , That when they were brought to the Side-Barr in Westminster-Hall in the morning before the Court sate , the Chief-Justice was angry , because they had not Irons on ; which was a very great severity to poor young Gentlemen , strangers , whom the King had commanded to be bayled , and whom ( if I may say it without vanity ) a Peer of the Realm had undertaken for , in the Presence of his Majesty . At Bedford Lent-Assizes they appeared , and were indicted , but their Tryal was by the King's Command removed by Certiorari into the King's-Bench . And the first day of Easter Term they appeared there : Whither I went not my self with them , because the Small-Pox was in my House , which made me keep within doors , but I sent my Son , bade him do my service to my Lord Chief-Justice , tell him the occasion why I came not , and that he was there to perform what was to be done for the bayling of those Gentlemen : Now it seems the use is upon such a kind of Bayl , after an Indictment upon a Certiorari , to require four Persons to answer for the Prisoner body for body : So my Son offered himself , and Mr. Sedgwick the Landlord to these Gentlemen , ( a Substantial Man , worth at least two or three Thousand Pounds ) and two other men , French-men , but House-keepers , and that live in a good fashion , to be the Bayl : The Chief-Justice asked those two , what estate they had , and if they would swear , that all their Debts paid , they were worth three hundred pounds , which they refusing to do , he put them by , and would not accept of them for Bayl ; which I am told is not usual to be requied of such kind of Bayl , that undertake body for body for a Prisoners being forthcoming . Well bayled they were not , but to Prison they went , and there they continued until their Tryal upon Wednesday the 11th of May , at which I was present in Court. That day they were brought to the Barr , and the four Butchers came , their Accusers , and were sworn in Court , of whom three charged them with the Robbery ; And Solomon Grace was one of the three , who had refused to swear against them , when they were first seized on at Hatfield , and afterwards at London when the Lord Chief-Justice sent for him ; And I am very certain that he said afterwards in my house in my hearing , and of several of my Servants , that he had not sworn against them , nor would for all the world ; ( The occasion of his coming to my house I shall hereafter relate : ) The fourth man , Edward Lawrence said , he saw the five Thieves at a distance , but he rode for it and escaped , and could not say it was those five men at the Barr. A fift man was produced , one George Pettifo●d , who said that he rode in Company with Beauvais within half a Mile of Totternel-Hill about two of the clock in the afternoon that day that the Robbery was , but could not say any thing to the Robbery : The Butchers said also , that two of the Horses which they rode upon , when they robbed them , viz. that which Adrian Lampriere had , a Bay with a white face and white feet , and that which Beauvais had , a Gray , were taken with them at Hatfield ; where , upon the Hue and Cry all the five men were apprehended . Simmons said further , that Beauuais was the man , that took his Money ftom him : And Bellingham said , that the black man , ( who was Adrian Lampriere ) when he overtook him , held a Pistol to his Breast , and swore to him Dam-me what Money hast tho● about thee ? and then rifled him , and finding nothing , took his Girdle , and pulled his bridle off his horses head . And the same Bellingham some-while after being again asked and put to it , to repeat what Lampriere said , and in what language he spake , when he came to him ; He then answered , that he said Dam-me , and jabberd to him , but he knew not well what he said : So would not stand to what he had positively said before of Lamprieres asking him , what Money he had in his Purse : And I dare affirm that at that time Mr. Lampriere could not have spoken so much English to have gotten thereby all the Money in England ; Of which One Pinson ( that teacheth strangers the English tongue , whom he hath since had to teach him ) will take his Oath . This was the Charge . Then the Prisoners being required to answer to it , Mr. Lampriere began to give an account of himself , what he was , and what had brought him into this Kingdom ; That he was a Gentleman , and came not hither to robb upon the High-way : That his friends would rather wish him a thousand times dead , than to be branded with such an Infamy ; And so was going on , when the Chief-Justice interrupted him , and bad him speak particularly to the matters of his Charge ; ( And certainly what he was saying was much to the purpose , to shew in the first place the Improbability of his being guilty of such a Fact , by being a Gentleman , a stranger in this Country , and whose friends would detest him if he had committed that Fact ; ) He then only named some Persons , and desired they might be heard , to prove , that he could not be guilty of that Robbery , for that he was in London all that Monday the 8 th of November , when the Robbery was committed upon Totternol-htll in Bedford shire . And first , one Mr. Richard Compton , an ancient Gentleman , and ( as I am informed ) a Justice of Peace in his Country , was produced , who said , That he lodged in the same House with the two Gentlemen at the Barr , at Mr. Sedgewick's the Barber , that he saw them there , and spake with them the Saturday , understanding French a little , and saw them and spake with them the Monday , which was the 8 th of November , first in the morning , and then at two of the clock in the afternoon , and again at five of the clock the same Evening : ( so then if he said true , it was impossible they should be that day Robbing at Totternoll-hill ; And a grave Person of that Quality affirming a thing in such a solemn Assembly in a Court of Justice is certainly more to be believed , then those Butchers , even upon their Oathes , who as it appears cared no more to hang men with taking a false Oath , then to have knockt one of their Calves in the head , and accordingly it seems the Jury did believe him , ) He said further , that he saw them also the Wednesday , and thought he saw their Horses on Thursday , which they rode on to Hatfield . The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take so good notice of his seeing them the Monday ? he answered , that when he heard they were taken as Highway-men , and to have done a Robbery such a day , he had recollected his Memory , how he had seen them at times all that day in London , and had set it down in a Paper , with the day of the Month , and pointing to the two Gentlemen at the Barr , to shew he meant them , the Chief-Justice bad him name them , He said , he knew not their Names , which the Chief-Justice presently laid hold on , and asked him , how then he could give such a Testimony of them ? he answered , that they had told him their names , but he had forgotten them , and called them still only Monsieurs . Next Thomas Doughty , an antient man likewise , a Sollicitor , was called : He said , he saw those two Gentlemen in Mr. Sedgwick's house , Saturday the 6 th of November , and the Monday being the 8 th at three of the clock in the afternoon ( just the hour of the Robbery ) and saw them also there the Tuesday , and the Wednesday ; The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take so much notice of them ? he answered , that he followed business for Mr. Sedgewick , and so had occasion to come often to the house , where he saw them . Then Mr. Sedgewick was heard , who said , That those two Gentlemen , viz. Mr. Lampriere , and the Chevalier , came to his house the 2 d of November , being then newly arrived out of France , and recommended by some body , that had told them there were some in it that spake French ; And that from the time of their coming to London , till the Thursday sennight that they went to Hatfield , they had not been out of his house above two hours at a time , and then only to their Dinners and Suppers at an Ordinary in Swan-Alley : And that particularly upon Monday the 8th of November , they were in his house all the morning till about eleven a clock , and then went out to dinner to the Ordinary , and came back about one or two , and staid within till supper time , and then went to the Ordinary , and came back after supper : The Chief-Justice asked him , where they dined upon the Sunday before , he said they dined with him at his house : And that the Tuesday and Wednesday following they were within both forenoon and afternoon , only going out to their meals : that Thursday they took horse at his door to go to Barnet , with a resolution to see Hatfield-House before their return . Mris Sedgwick ( his Wife ) said , that those two French-Gentlemen came to their house upon the 2 d day of November about ten of the clock in the forenoon , brought thither by a Waterman , to whom ( they having no English Money ) she gave a Crown for them : That they went out to dinner to the Ordinary , and afterwards came back , and lay upon their beds , and she saw them no more till the next day , when she changed some French Gold for them ; That from the 2 d to the 11 th of November that they went to Barnet , they were not above two hours at a time out of doors : That Mr. Beauuais went with them , because he spake English : That they said if they found not their Merchant at Barnet , they would go to Hatfield : That the passed her word for their Horses ; And not seeing them come home again on Thursday , she much wondred at it , and on Friday in the evening one came to tell them , they were in Hertford Gaol : That they sent Letters to the Lord Holles , who knew them : That three of them took horse at their door about nine or ten of the clock in the forenoon , and were to meet the two others in Drury-Lane : And that the horses were so bad , as they said it would be a shame to be seen upon them . I must note here that upon the naming of me , and mentioning the Letter , that should be written to me , the Chief-Justice seemed to be moved , and said some thing which I did not well hear , whereupon I stood up , and said , My Lord , I shall give you an account how I came to be concerned , and so began to tell , That they were Gentlemen , Neighbours to my Wife in Normandy , who came over hither to see the Country , and falling into this misfortune , writ a Letter to my Wife to acquaint her with it , not to me , ( which was a mistake in the Witness ; ) And so was going on to relate what I knew of the business ; But his Lordship was pleased in a very angry peremptory manner to interrupt me , first asking if I was to give Evidence , then bidding me forbear , and saying I must not interrupt the Court. I replied , That I hoped it was not to interrupt the Court ; Nor to do them any wrong to inform them 〈◊〉 as much as was possible of all passages , that they might the better understand the whole truth of the business : He answered again very angrily , My Lord , you wrong not the Court , but you wrong your self : And it is not the first time you have been observed to appear too much for strangers . So I was snubb'd , and sate down again . But I must say , it was a language , I had not been used to , nor I think any of my condition , that have the Honour to serve the King in the quality I do of a Privy-Counseller . Then Sedgwick the Son was called , who said he knew those two , viz. Mr. Lampriere , and the Chevalier , That they came to lodge at their House , the 2 d of November , and their contiuned till the 11 th . That the day before they went their journy all five met at their shop ; And that in the morning , three of them ( their two lodgers and Beauvais ) took horse there , and said they should meet the other two in their way , and so go to Barnet : That upon Monday the 8 th of November , he saw the two ( the Chevalier and the other ) at home about ten of the clock , and again about two in the afternoon ; And that they staid within till the evening ; And the same account he gives of them for Tuesday and Wednesday . His Sister Mary Sedgwick confirms what was said of their assiduous and constant being at home ; Only adds this , that upon Monday morning the 8 th she carried up a Landress to them to their Chamber , and that the little man , meaning the Chevalier , was in his bed about ten or eleven of the clock : And that every day after until Thursday she saw them in her shop , she keeping a Sempstress Shop . Philip Lemmon a Poulterer saith , That as he was watering his horse in the White-Hart yard upon the Wednesday , Mr. Lampriere , the Chevalier , and Beauuais coming by , Beauvais asked him , if he had any Horses to let ? and he said , he had but one : So they went , and he with them , to one Hooper , who had but one neither , and asked 3 s. for his hire , and they proffered half a Crown : He said that his Horse was a Bay , with a white face and four white feet , Hoopers was a little Gray Nag , and that there was a Gray Mare besides hired of another man : And said , That one Capt. Hill had hired his Horse on the Monday before to go to Brickbill , and kept him till the Wednesday : It is to be noted , that this was the Horse , which the Butchers swore , Lampriere had under him when he robbed them , whereas it appears by this mans Testimony , that one Captain Hill had him that day , and full two days after , for he brought him back to London but the Wednesday , the day before these Gentlemen hired him . Mary Hooper , Wife to him that let out one of the Horses , saith , That she sent the little Gray Nagg on Thursday morning to Mr. Sedgwick's house , And that on the Wednesday before she saw those three Men with her Husband hiring that Horse of him : And note , That this was the other Horse , which the Butchers swore that Beauvais ridd upon when he robbed them ; Whereas it appears , that none of them had this Horse till three dayes after that Robbery , when they went to Hatfield , nor was it Beauvais who had himthen , but Mr. Lampriere ; so they swore falsly , for it appears , neither he nor the Horse were there . William Wood Master of the Victualling-house in Swan-Alley , witnessed , That Mr. Lampriere and the Chevalier dined and supped at his House Monday the 8 th of November . The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take notice , that they were there just that day ? He answered , That there was a Writing sealed between two Persons at his House that day , and he had since looked upon the date of it , and found it to be the 8 th of November , and he very well remembred that those two Gentlemen were then present . The Chief-Justice then asked him , Where they dined upon the Sunday ? He said , at his House . Whereupon Mr. Sedgwick was presently called , and asked again , where the Gentlemen dined on Sunday ? and he ( as he had done before ) said , at his House . Of this the Chief-Justice took notice , shewing how the Witnesses contradicted one another , which he said took off their whole Testimony ( or some words to that effect ; And by the way let me say , that I would not be understood to take upon me to repeat still the very Identical words that were spoken by any , but I am very confident , that I do not vary a tittle from the sense of what every one said . ) The same Wood also testified that they had dined and supped at his house the Tuesday , and the Wednesday following ; So as it appears , they continued still in London until the Thursday . Then Charles Walrond came into the Court and confessed , that himself , Du-Val , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy were the five men that committed that Robbery upon the Butchers at Totternol-Hill upon Monday the 8 th of November ; That they robbed them about the middle of the Hill ; That himself rode upon a Brown Gelding . That it was Ashen●urst that took the Money from the Butcher , about 22 l. odd money : The Chief-Justice then stopt him , and said , That he knew he would say what ever he was bid to say ; And then asked him , if he had been indicted for this Robbery ? he said , No ; and the Chief-Justice replyed , Now Sirrah you have confest enough , and you shall be indicted , or you may be indicted , one of the two I am sure he said , but which I will not positively affirm . He had said in the account he gave , That one of the Butchers breaking from them and galloping away , he followed him over some Plowed-Lands ; and the Butcher asfirming it was Stubble he rode over , the Chief-Justice made a great matter of it , insinuating , as if Walrond had said false , and that he was not there at all , but meerly took this Robbery upon himself at my sollicitation , upon hope of his Pardon ; yet another of the Butchers confessed there was both Plowed-Land and Stubble : And what was it material which it was ? It had been no wonder , if neither could have told , and that both had been mistaken : For hardly doth either he that rides away from a Thief as fast as his Horse will carry him , and sufficiently frighted withal , or the Thief that rides as fast after him to overtake him , mind the Ground they ride over . Then Sir George Cbarnock was called in to testifie what Du-Val and Mac-Guy had confessed concerning this Robbery : But first I must tell , how the Butchers ( and Bellingham chiefly ) had a little before given Information , That they had been sent for up to London by the Lord Holles his Warrant , and carried to Du-Val at Newgate , where Du-Val , Mac-Guy , and they were examined by two Men , who pretended themselves to be Justices of Peace , and who after they had examined Du-Val , carried him to Mac-Guy , but first went in themselves , and staid with him half an hour , and when they came into the Room they took him aside again , and spake with him in private a good space , acquainting him ( as Bellingham said he conceived ) with what Du-Val had confessed , and promising him his Pardon ; and that then Mac-Guy said the same things with Du-Val , and took the Robbery upon him , as Du-Val had done before : I must note , that upon Bellingham's saying they were sent for by me , I stood up and said , that it was done by the King 's express Command . The Chief-Justice asked , Who were those Justices , and what were their Names ? and used some expression to this sense , That those Justices deserv'd to be sent to the Gaol themselves ; And withal cast his looks upon me , and by his gesture and countenance seemed to mark out me , as the Setter and Contriver of a foul Practice , to send those Justices thither to make those condemned Persons own the Robbery , and acquit the French-men ; So as all the standers-by took notice of it , and looked upon me , as well as did the Judge ; yet I sate still and would not say any thing in the Court to vindicate my self , because I would not give any interruption to their proceedings , as the Chief-Justice had before told me that I did , and I believed he might again have said the same . But truly if I had done any unworthy thing even to have saved their lives , or had any design of suborning , or in any unfitting way perswading any body to do or speak for them , or had contributed any thing to the effecting of such a design , I should abhor my self for it . And after I shall have gone through with all the Witnesses , I shall then give an account , and a very true one , of all my transactions in that business : And will now go on with the Testimony of Sir Goarge Charnock . He said , that himself and Mr. Andrew Blackwell Counsellor at Law , and Mr. William Sedgwick , and one of his Majesties Messengers , were sent by me , together with Bellingham and other the Prosecutors , to Du-Val to Newgate just before his going to Execution : That they found him in a room , which was not very dark , and yet had also a Candle in it , so as Du-Val , and the Butchers mighteasily discern one another , and he asked them whether they knew one another ? Du-Val confessed that he and his Camerades had committed the Robbery upon those men , and named Walrond , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy to have been those that were then with him at that Robbery ; That Bellingham thereupon swore , By God he was not the Person that Robbed them : And Du-Val upon that said , Friend be cautious how you swear and prosecute Innocent Persons ; for men of your profession , Butchers , care not what you swear against any man ; And instanced in a Robbery in Surry committed by him , and others , upon some Butchers , which they had charged peremptorily upon other persons that were innocent . And then said further to Bellingham , You may remember it was I , by the same token , that you fled from me over the Plowed-Lands , and my horse tired , so , as I left following you , and walked back with my horse in my hand ; And Sir George Charnock said , that he then asked Bellingbam what he said to that , and that Bellingham was startled at it , and confessed it to be true , that he did ride away from them towards Layton . And so was going on with his Testimony , when the Chief-Justice interrupted him , and required him to answer a Question which he would propose , which was , to know how long he had been with Mac-Guy before the Butchers saw him ? To which he answcred , That he desired his Lordship he might first give a full account of what Du-Val had confessed , and that then he would tell all that had passed with Mac-Guy : But his Lordship would not suffer him , but said , Pray you Sir George go on no further , but answer this Question . Whereupon he told him , that he was a little while with Mac-Guy , but not alone , for Mr. Blackwell and young Sedgwick were there as well as he , and that he asked Mac-Guy if he was one of the Persons which had committed such a Robbery ? and he denyed it ; whereupon he sent for the Butchers in t o the room , and desired them to look upon Mac-Guy , and see if they knew him ; which they said they did not . The Chief-Justice then asked him , if he took not Mac-Guy aside the 2 d time ? he said he did , but Mr. Blackwell and young Sedgwick still present , and that it was only to make him discharge his Conscience and tell the truth , which he conceived it to be his duty to do , and so was going on to relate all passages ; But the Chief-Justice stopt him , and with much sharpness reproved him , saying , Sir George you have gone too far , and have done too much already : here hath been a foul Contrivance , it would be examined by what Authority you have done it : And would hear him no further , nor suffer him to read Du-Val and Mac-Guy's Examinations which he had in his hand and shewed unto him , notwithstanding that both Sir George and my self had just before told him , that all had been done by the Kings express command . Then the Masters Mate of the Ship , John Burdick , who brought over the two Gentlemen into England , was called : He said , that he took in those two Gentlemen viz. Mr. Hoeville and Mr. Lampriere , and one Servant of theirs aboard his Ship at Roven , upon the 27 th of October ; that he landed them at Ratcliff upon the third of November ; that they went into London that day , and came back and lay that night on shore in Ratcliff , and the next day they went again to London , and came no more ; And he sent a Seaman along with them to carry their things : The Chief-Justice then asked him , if he was sure , that he landed them the 3 d of November ? he answered Yes , for that he had set it down in writing and had it ready in his hand to shew . Then Sedgwick the Father was presently called , and asked again , What day those two came to his house ? he said ( as before ) the second of November : And sharp Reflections were made upon this faltering in his Testimony , as if the stress of the matter had lain in this , Whether the second or third of November was the day of their landing ? which no man will say could signifie any thing , to prove , whether or no they had been robbing upon Totternol-hill the eighth . And so ended the Tryal of those two Gentlemen , Hoeville and Lampriere : Then Paul Beauvais was called upon to answer for himself ; And he desired only that his Witnesses might be heard , to prove his being in London the day of the Robbery . And first Sir Steven Fox was called , who being in Court , affirmed upon his Salvation , that he saw Beauvais at a French Play that very day from three of the clock in the afternoon untill seven ; ( Note , this was the very time of the Robbery . ) The Chief-Justice asked him , How he came to take notice that it was that very day ? Of which Sir Stephen gave this account , That his Wife and himself , and his Daughter , and a Gentlewoman that waited on his Daughter , were that Monday at the French Play , and his Daughter sitting before him in the Box , looked over into the Pit , and saw Beauvais there , and turned back to him , saying , Father , Paul Beauvais is not gone into France , I see him here : Whereupon lie said he looked over also into the Pit , and did see him there ; and saw him also , and spoke to him at the end of the Play , about seven of the Clock : He said also , That he was then to go into France to his Mother , and that he thought him gone : And for his taking such particular notice of him , and his being there that very day , Monday the eighth of November , ( for that was asked of him as well as of others ) He gave this Reason , That hearing so presently after , within four dayes , that Beauvais was taken with some others , and committed to Hertford Gaol for a Robbery done that day , he easily recollected himself and remembred his being that day at the French Play : and this upon his Salvation he declared to be true . His Wife the Lady Fox , and their Daughter , and the Waiting-Gentlewoman confirmed all that Sir Stephen had said . Then one Mac-Don ( as I remember his name , who in Beauvais's Examination at Hatfield is called Mr. Munduglas ; but whether mistaken there or here , or in both I know not ) a Scotch-man , at whose house Beauvais lodged , was called , who said that Beauvais , and Guinet the other Prisoner with him , were at his house the said Monday , and after dinner they went into Holburn ( as themselves said ) to a Barber there . And that Barber he came and said , that they were at his house about two of the clock in the afternoon that day , and that Guinet cut his ( the said Barber 's ) hair , and afterwards that they went both of them from his house , and said they would go to a Play. I must not omit one passage more upon the Testimony given by a Woman ( whose name I have forgot ) produced on the behalf of the Prisoners , she saying she had upon the Wednesday hired out a Gray Mare to carry one of them to Hatfield , and the Butchers having said that one of the Thieves that robbed them the Monday before on Totternol-hill was upon a Gray Mare : the Chief-Justice ( to shew the colour was the same , and that so it might be thought to be the same Mare ) would have the Woman repeat it again , and therefore asked her , What colour her Gray Mare was of ? which having moved some laughter , he put it of with a jest , mentioning the old saying , that the Gray Mare is the better Horse . And so the Examination of Witnesses for the Prisoners ended ; For the Judges said , there was not Evidence against the other two Prisoners , viz. Guinet and Boutandon , wherefore there was no need of hearing any more Witnesses on their parts . And then calling the Jury , the Chief-Justice applied himself to them , and to the summing up of the Evidence , which had been given pro and con , for the Prisoners and against them . In which to be short , I shall only say , that he insisted much upon the contradictions which he said he had observed in the Evidence brought on the Prisoners behalves , the Witnesses thwarting and contradicting one another , which took off much from the Credit of their Testimony , and that three men had positively charged them with that Robbery upon their Oaths ; Only he acknowledged something to have been said materially by Sir Stephen Fox for the clearing of Beauvais , and so would have differenced his case from that of the two young Gentlemen whom I had appeared for , and bayled ; and what ground there was for it , let any indifferent man judge , that reades this Narrative : But so he left it to the Jury . The Jury then went together from the Bar , and after some two hours stay returned , and delivered in their Verdict , Not Guilty : Upon which Mr. Justice Morton ( as I am informed , for I was then gone out of the Court , ) said to them , Gentlemen you have done well ; and if I had been of the Jury , I should have done the same thing that you have done . And so the Tryal ended . And now I shall give an account what hand I had in taking the Consessions of Du-Val and Mac-Guy , and likewise of Walrond . I was from the beginning as certain , as I could be of any thing that I had not seen with my own eyes , that the two French Gentlemen were most Innocent of the Robbery which was laid to their charge : And I did verily believe , That Du-Val , who likewise was a French-man ( but spake as good English as any natural-born English-man ) had done the Feat , and that the Butchers might be deceived , taking one French-man for another , and really think themselves in the right , accusing those they did , and so be guilty of false swearing without knowing it ; Wherefore when Du-Val was apprehended , I did within a day or two after , take a Gentleman with me , ( one Mr. Hull of Dorsetshire ) and went to Newgate to speak with him ; and when I came thither , I did send for him into the Hall , which was full of People as it could hold , come out of curiosity it seems to see him , though I knew none of them except Mr. Charles Bartue Brother to the Earl of Linsey , who with twenty more heard all I said to Du-Val , and I doubt not but he will testifie the truth of what I here say , which is this , That when Du-Val came to me , I said this to him , Mr. Du-Val , I am sorry that you have brought your self into this bad condition , it hath been your own fault ; And the best Counsel I or any man can give you , is , to make your Peace with God Almighty , and make way for his Mercy ; and one good help to it will be , to do all the good you can before you dye , that is , by preventing Mischief as much as in you lies , discovering those Persons who have joyned with you in committing of Robberies , That they may be apprehended , and rob no longer ; and confessing the Robberies that have been done by you , that Innocent Persons may not suffer for them : Then I asked him if he had not done that Robbery at Totternol-Hill , for which some Country-men of his were questioned ? He then stood still a good while , with his head down , and his finger upon his mouth , musing , and said at last , That he was within three miles of the place where those French-men were apprehended , at the time of their Apprehension . But I prest him again to speak to the Robbery : And then he denyed it , and said he was not there : To which I replyed but this , I have no more to say to you ; God forbid you should take it upon your self if you be not guilty . This I will be deposed was the summe of all I said to him ; And so I came away , and thought no more of it , till two dayes before his Execution , that one of the two French-Gentlemen came and told me , That now Du-Val had cleared them , and confessed , That he and others had committed that Robbery ; And I asked him to whom he had confessed it , to an Englishman or a French-man ? he said , to an English-man : I asked him then , if that English-man would tell me so much ? He answered , that he thought he would , and that he would bring him to me ; which I desired might be the next morning : Accordingly he did bring him to me the next morning , and that man did tell me , That Du-Val had confessed to him , That he and four others , whom he named to him , had committed that Robbery at Totternol-Hill ; those four he said were Mac-Guy , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Walrond : I asked him , if Du-Val would declare so much to any other person that should be sent to him ? he answered , That he was confident he would , for he had not revealed it to him in Confession ; which made me believe him to be a Romish Priest ; but I took no notice of that , only said , That it would be worth the while , and that perhaps I should use some means that his Examination should be taken before he suffered . It was upon a Councel-Day , and I w●● then going to Councel , where I acquainted the King with what had been told me that morning , and said besides , That I thought it would be very well , if that the Butchers that had accused those French-men were sent for to be confronted with Du-Val before he dyed ; things might be set right , Innocent Persons might be freed , and the Butchers themselves be disabused , That they should not , by mistaking one French-man for another , persist in their false Oathes . His Majesty answered , I think it will be very well , Let them be sent for , and accordingly bade me call Mr. Secretary Trevor to him , who was in the Room , to whom He gave Order to send for the Butchers . After the rising of the Councel I returned home ; And soon after one of the Messengers of the Chamber came to me from Mr. Secretary to know the place of the abode of those Butchers , Mr. Secretary having forgot it ; And the Messenger , after I had informed him of it , went his way . That afternoon Sir George Charnock came to my House , ( as he used to do many times ) and I told him what I heard that Du-Val had confessed , and what was done upon it , and asked him , if he could be at leasure to go to Newgate to hear what Du-Val and the Butchers would say one to another ? He said he would . And then considering whom I should joyn with him , I pitch'd upon Mr. Blackwell , a Counsellor at Law , who being an Acquaintance of Mr. Sedgwicks , and using much to his House , had been with me once or twice for the business of those two French-Gentlemen ; I sent to him to desire him , that he would give himself the trouble of that Employment , and he accepted of it . These two were utterly unknown the one to the other , and had never seen one another before ; so it had been a very weak part in me to have together engaged them in a foul Contrivance , nor is it likely they would have trusted one another to have together undertaken it . That night very late , as I was going to bed , one of my Servants came and told me , That the Messeng er was c●me with the Butchers , and said that Mr. Secretary had given him Order to bring them to me : Whereupon I sent for them all into my Chamber , and asked them if they were the men that were robbed at Totternol-Hill ? They said they were ; and I told them , That it seems it was Du-Val that robbed them . Bellingham ( who was the forward man ) presently said , No , he would swear it was those Frenchmen that were taken at Hatfield : I bad him take heed how he did swear , for if it was not they , he would be forsworn ; but he stood to it , that they were the men : Then I asked the rest , what they said to it ? Simmons , who was the man robbed , was nothing so positive as Bellingham ; Lawrence said , he could not swear who it was , for he rode away before they came so near as that he could discern them to know them again ; Solomon Grace , said these words , My Lord , I have not sworn against them , nor will for the World ; They used me well whoever they were , for I rode with them a good way , and had fourscore pounds about me , and they meddled not with me , but when they left me and rode back , they bade me Farewel . ( Yet did this man at their Tryal swear as lustily as Bellingham himself ; but how he came to do so , let them give an account who perswaded him , and no question they will do it one day . ) I said only this to them , Well Friends , it is the King's Pleasure you should see Du-Val , and he you , therefore if you will be here to morrow morning betimes , I shall send some with you who shall bring you to him ; And I bade my Servants , who were in the Room , have them down to the Buttery and make them drink , where discoursing again of the business , Solomon Grace , in the presence of three or four of my Servants ( who will be deposed of it ) said again the same thing that he had said to me in my Chamber , That he had not sworn against them , nor would for the World. Bellingham still obstinate , and in such a rage , as my Servants afterwards told me , that he would taste neither Beer nor Wine . In the morning , Sir George Charnock and Mr. Blackwell , and with them Mr. Sedgwick's Son came to my House , where they met the Butchers and the Messenger , and all together went to Newgate : and Sir George Charnock and his Company came back at Noon , and gave me an account of their Negotiation , which was this ; They told me they were first with Du-Val and examined him , who had fully confessed the Robbery , and told the Butchers of many particulars , which the Butchers themselves had acknowledged true , yet would not be convinced ; but that one of them especially ( which was Bellingham ) still persisted , saying , That the other men did the Robbery . What Du-Val said , they had put down in Writing , and they three had signed it ; but Du-Val being presently to be carried out to Execution , they said , they had not put him to sign it . They afterwards asked if Mac-Gay was still in Prison ? and because Du-Val had named him to have been one of the Company , they would examine him , and went up to him ; and first it seems they three went up by themselves ( which yet I do protest I knew not , till I heard it said at the Tryal in the King's-Bench , though I do not understand that they did ill in so doing , to see what temper he was in , being a condemned man , before they would bring the Butchers to him ) they do all three say , that they did not acquaint him with any of the particulars that ' Du-Val had declared , till he had acknowledged himself an Actor in the Robbery , confessed the whole business , and of himself told them many of the same passages which Du-Val had told before , he not knowing what Du-Val had said . It seems he was unwilling at the first to confess any thing , and said , he did not know the Butchers : and they said the like that they knew not him ; but upon their pressing him a second time to discharge his Conscience , he then confessed all , which they took in writing , and he put his hand to it . Both their Confessions ( Du-Vals and his ) I shewed to his Majesty , and they are inserted here Verbatim . The Examination and Confession of Du-Val , Prisoner in Newgate , taken by Sir George Charnock Knight , Mr. Andrew Blackwel , and William Sedgwick , immediatly before his Execution , being the 21 th of January 1669 / 70 , in the presence of Solomon Grace , Robert Simmons , Robert Bellingham , and Edward Lawrence , all of the Parish of Edmondton in the County of Middlesex , Butchers ; concerning a Robbery committed on them at Totternol in the County of Bedford , by the foresaid Du-Val , with Walrond , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy . When and where the said Du-Val confessed and said , That the said Robbery was committed by him and his above-named Companions ; and more particularly , That Solomon Grace aforesaid being shewen unto him , did ride with them about a mile , till coming to two little Houses at the bottom of the Hill , they left the said Solomon Grace watring his Horse , and returned up the Hill , where they met with the other three Butchers , one whereof fled upon the Plowed-Lands , whom the said Du-Val pursued upon a little gray Nag , but could not overtake him , because of the weakness of his borse , which he was forced to lead in his hand afterwards at least the space of twelve-score : In the mean while Ashenhurst robbed Simmons of twenty seven pounds , or there abouts , part whereof was in odd money : And that from the other nothing was taken , but a girdle , and the bridle pulled off his Horses head : Which circumstances of the Action the aforesaid Simmons and Bellingham did then acknowledge to be true . And he further confesseth , That after this Robbery committed as aforesaid , he did perceive one of the two persons that were robbed , to ride hard towards Layton , which by the acknowledgment of Bellingham was himself . And the said Du-Val at the time of his Confession aforesaid did advise the afore-named Butchers , to be cautious how they prosecuted Innocent Persons ; declaring , that men of their Trade did not care how they s●re against any man : For , a Robbery was committed by him on some other Butchers , and they had peremptorily charged it upon another person . And in the conclusion of his Confession he put on his Perriwig , affirming , that he was present at the Robbery in the same Perriwig so tyed up , and asked Bellingham if he knew him now ? Signed by us , G. Charnock . Andr. Blackwell . William Sedgwick . The Examination and Confession of Patrick Mac-Guy , Prisoner in Newgate , taken by Sir George Charnock Knight , Mr. Andrew Blackwell Gent. and William Sedgwick Citizen , the 21 th of January 1669 / 70 , concerning a Robbery committed by him , with the aforesaid Du-Val , Walrond , Ashenhurst , and Cassels , in the Parish of Totternol in the County of Bedford . Patrick Mac-Guy confesseth , and saith , That he was with the aforesaid Du-Val , Walrond , Ashenhurst and Cassels , at Totternol-Hill in the foresaid County , where they met with three persons , one whereof they robbed of about twenty seven pounds , of which twenty one pounds odd money was in a Wallet , which was taken by Ashenhurst , and had in it about thirty or forty shillings in Ninepences and Thirteen-pence-half-pennies : The other which he took out of his pocket Ashenhurst never discovered . One man made his escape , and the other had nothing taken from him . The time of the day , about three of the clock in the afternoon . That Bellingham had a green Rugg upon his Saddle : which he the said Bellingham confess●th . Simmons likewise confesseth , That there was odd money in the su●● but remembers not the quantity ; And that likewise in the Wallet there was Twenty pounds odd money ; and that above five pounds was taken out of his pocket . Mac-Guy further declares , That an old man kept them company about a mile to the foot of the Hill , where he watered his Horse ; And that they bid him Good Night old Man : Which Circumstance Solomon Grace and the other three acknowledged to be true , they being acquainted with it when the said Grace came to them . And the said Mac-Guy declared , he never was in other Robbery , but this and my Lord Grandison's . He asked Bellingham if he did not remember , That he told them , that he was a poor Grasier , and had no Money ? And Bellingham at first replied , No , he remembred no such thing ; but recollecting himself , told them , he said , he was a poor man , and had no money . Signed by us , G. Charnock . Andr. Blackwell . William Sedgwick . Signed , Patrick Magee . I appeal now to every mans Conscience that shall read these Confessions , if it can be believed , that any other , but these men that knew all these particulars , could be guilty of this Robbery ; and if it was possible that Sir George Charnock should have put all this into Mac-Guy's mouth , who did not only say the same things that ' Du-Val had said , but enlarged and confirmed them with many other Circumstances , which the Butchers themselves confessed and acknowledged to be true , and which Sir George Charnock could not know : As the Money taken , to have been , some in a Wallet , some in Simmons Pocket , and that the broken Money was part of that in the Wallet : This Du-Val had not specified , yet it is a great Confirmation of what he had said : Then one man to escape , which was Lawrence . That Bellingham had a green Rugg upon his Saddle , which Bellingham could not deny , but acknowledged to be true . That Solomon Grace watering his Horse at the foot of the Hill , they should say to him , Good night old man , which Du-Val had not said : So to tell what Bellingham said to them , which he acknowledged so far , as to confess , that he said , he was a poor man , and had no Money , though not that he was a poor Grasier , as Mac-Guy had said : which was no great mistake . Certainly none but they that were present and did the Fact , could discover these particularities . I shall now give an Account of my Transactions with Mr. Walrond , whom I thought fit to examine , after I had seen what the other two had said : And therefore went to the Gate-House , and spake with him there in the Kitchin , where the Lady Broughton , ( who hath the keeping of the Prison ) and the Turn-key were present , and heard all I said to him , I asked him , if he knew any thing of the Robbery commited such a day at Totternol-hil : Of which I desired him but to tell me the truth ? His answer to me was this , My Lord , no body as yet hath come against me to accuse me , so I have not been indicted ; And if I should accuse my self , I might bring my self into trouble , and I have not yet my Pardon , which I hope I shall obtain of the Kings Mercy . I replied ; Mr. Walrond , this I will promise you , that whatsoever you say to me shall not rise in judgment against you , it shall do you no hurt I do assure you ; I desire but to know the truth : for some Persons are accused of that Robbery , who I know are very Innocent : ( And whether or no I told him so much , as that Du-Val had confessed it , I do protest I do not remember , they may be asked that were present , the Lady and the Turn-key ( I have not spoken to them since , nor will I ) but I think I did not ; however if I had , I know not that any thing would have been amiss in it , if in general I had told him , that Du-Val had confessed it : ) His answer to me was , My Lord I will cast my self upon you and tell you all , and then did confess to me the whole matter , and told me many particulars . Then indeed I did say to him , that he had done well , and had told me but what I knew before , for both Du-Val and Mac-Guy had confessed the same things ; And as to his Pardon I did again assure him , that it should be no prejudice to it , happily it might be an advantage , for that I would endeavour all I could to help it forward : He afterwards at my desire put down in writing what he had said ; And I did move his Majesty for his Pardon , and got it passed for him , which I did for two ends ; One out of Charity , he had no Money to pay for it , and he deserved it for the discovery which he had made of that knot of Thieves Du-Val and his companions , some of whom were taken , and the knot thereby broken by his means : the other end was , that he might be Rectus in Curia , and appear a competent Witness , to discover the truth of that Robbery ; But he was so terrified at the Tryal with being threatned and told he had now confessed enough to be endicted for it , and perplexed with questions , that he knew not almost what he said , and left an impression ( I verily believe ) with most of the standers-by , that he was gained by me to take this Robbery upon him , meerly to save the French men at the Bar , himself not at all guilty of it . But how undeservedly that could be imputed to me , let my greatest Enemy be Judge , if this my Narrative be true , as I take the God of Truth to Witness , that it is true , I mean for matter of Fact , and for what I relate here , as said or done by me , and for my intention , that it was just and honest , without any Trick or Design , and all above-board , meerly to preserve Innocency , and that in Strangers , that wanted Language , Friends , and all other support and help to make their Innocency appear . I have always heard , that the Judge should be of Counsel with the Prisoner ; And that is one reason given , why he needs no other Counsel , and that the Law allows him none ; For the Judge upon the Bench ought to help him with his advice and direction , that he run not into any Inconvenience , by his ignorance of the Law , and of the Forms of Proceeding , and to take care that he be not circumvented and ruined by the Malice , Art , and Cunning of his Prosecutors , or by the Weakness and Simplicity of such Witnesses , as are produced to justifie and clear his Innocency , who many times have not Wit nor Elocution to tell their Tale so , as to make his Innocency and the Truth to appear . And certainly it is the duty of a Judge , and Justice is as much concerned , to preserve and deliver an Innocent Person , that is falsly accused and unjustly prosecuted , as to condemn and punish one that is really Criminous ; and that of the two is the more acceptable , and well-pleasing both to God and Man. These two Gentlemen were Strangers , that understood not the Language , either what was said to them by their Judges , or against them by their Accusers , or for them by their Witnesses ; And they had an Interpreter given them , a young Student that was there in Court , who did need an Interpreter himself : For no body understood a word he said , scarce when he spake English , he spake so low and unintelligibly , so as they were never the nearer to understand any thing that passed , though so much concerning them , even their Lives ; nor was there any care taken that they should understand any thing , the Interpreter not once bid to ask them a Question upon what was urged against them , to know what they would say to it . And commonly a Judge will call for the Examination taken upon the first Commitment of a Felon , and begin there ; But not a word of that , for that Examination would not have been authentick , not being taken upon Oath , nor they positively charged by those Butchers , who only said , One of them , That they were like the Men whom he saw upon the Road ; Simmons , That he believed they were the Men that robbed him ; And Bellingham himself no more but this , That he verily believed Adrian Lampriere was the Man that pulled the Bridle off his Horse-head : This was well known to be no sufficient ground for the Justice to send them to Gaol , clap Irons upon them , and put them into a room without light , with a little Straw to lie upon , more like Dogs , then Men , especially Gentlemen and Strangers : Nay , the second Examination was not produced neither , that which the Lord Chief-Justice took himself four or five dayes after , when he sent for those Butchers to London : For though two of them indeed had there taken their Oaths , and charged them positively , yet Solomon Grace , who at this Tryal in the Kings-Bench swore as stoutly as any , would not swear then . And another particular I observed , that the Butchers said in their Evidence , That these men were taken upon the Hue & Cry at Hatfield ; and it is very usual for a Judge upon a Bench , when Felons are apprehended upon such a Warrant , and brought to their Tryal , to call for that Warrant , to see the description there given of the Persons pursued and apprehended upon it , whether or no it agrees with the Prisoners at the Bar , which gives a great light to discover if they be the Men , and probably would have shewed that these were not ; Nothing of this neither , but with what intention neglected , I judge not . It is certain that the Prisoners were far from receiving any favour , the younger of the Gentlemen , Mr. Hoeville , who understood not any thing of all was done or said against him , and I believe not apprehending of what concernment it was to him , out of a childish Innocency hid his face and smiled a little , to see such a stir about him ; The Chief-Justice espyed it , and fell upon him severely for it , telling him he must not laugh there , and put the poor youth past laughing , who yet understood not what he said , only saw he was angry . The other Gentleman , Mr. Lampriere , when he was asked , What he had to say for himself , to what the Butchers had laid to his charge ( which yet was not interpreted and made known to him , nor did he at all know what it was , and yet was now to speak to it for his life ) began in his Language in French , to give some account of himself ; The Chief-Justice stopt him , and would not let him go on , but bade him answer to the particulars , and yet took no care to let him know what they were ; which was a great disheartning to him . And usually when any man , that is not known , is suspected of a crime and tryed for it , the Judge will in the first place inform himself what the man is , and whence , and of what conversation of life , and learn all particulars that concern him , as much as is possible ; which will be a great leading to his judgment of him , and of the matters that are brought against him ; but here neither the Prisoner could be permitted to give an account of himself , nor no body else must do it for him . And I think there was as much reason now to proceed with Circumspection , and to hear and examine , and well weigh all , for and against those Prisoners , as for any that had been tryed at that Bar of a great while ; There were Persons of Quality appeared in their behalfs , undertook largely for them ; That they were not Men to do such an Act , being of good Families in their own Country , Strangers , newly arrived here to see this Country , no wayes in need of Money , bringing with them sufficient to defray the charge of their Travels , so most unlikely they should begin here with Robbing upon the High-way : But further , there were those of good Credit , that did affirm upon their Credits , some upon their Salvation , and all of them ready to be deposed , that they could not be guilty of that Fact , for that they saw them , and spake to them here in London that day , and in that instant of time , that the Robbery was committed above thirty miles off in Bedfordshire ; so there was an impossibility of their being guilty of it . And who accused them ? Three mean Fellows , of no very good lives nor conversation ; and they Butchers , of no commendable Occupation to have to do with Mens Lives , either as Jury-men or Accusers ; and one of these as bold an impudent Fellow as ever I saw with my eyes , that is Bellingham : And more than all this , it was well known , That even His Majesty himself had a strong perswasion of their Innocency , and was desirous that all just Favour should be shewed unto them , and had Himself done all towards it depending upon Him , and the rather because they were Strangers , who were newly come into his Kingdom , and so had put themselves under his Protection ; and his Majesty had well considered the consequence , both as to the Reputation abroad of his Royal Justice and Good Government , and likewise for the Safety and Freedom of of his Subjects in Forreign Parts , who must have expected the same measure there . Certainly , all this laid together , me-thinks should have made one cautious how he entertained a prejudicate Opinion against them , and not to take advantage upon any Mistake , especially in Circumstances not at all material , As whether the Gentlemen landed and came to London the second , or the third of November ? Where they dined the Sunday before the day of the Robbery ? Whether it was Plowed-Land , or Stubble that the Butcher rode over , when he ran away from the Thieves , and they followed ? And because there was some disagreement in these particulars , which signified nothing to prove them either Innocent or Guilty , yet this was blown up to such a Magnitude of Contradiction , That the whole Testimony of those Witnesses must be overthrown by it . To say the truth , there was not the least colour of Guilt upon them . Therefore it is well , that their Tryal received so fair an Issue , answerable to their Innocency ; and that they were at last delivered from the Unjust and Malicious Prosecution of those Butchers : For had that Malice prevailed , and Innocency been oppressed ; and Strangers , who by the Law of Nations are to receive Favour and Pro●ectoin , in lieu thereof had found here Injustice and undeserved Ruine , What would have followed upon it ? Our Governmenr , and our Administration of Justice would have been a Reproach and a Hissing to Forreign Nations , and especially to our Neighbours of France , who would have hated and derided us for it , and perhaps have made the next English-man , that should come amongst them , pay for this piece of Injustice shewed to their Country-men : And what evil more might have ensued , how many unconcerned Innocent Persons have smarted for it , no man knows . But this I know , That even these two Gentlemen , however they may have seemed mean and despicable here , oppressed as they were , and persecuted in a strange Country , and put to a vast Charge and Expence , have yet Friends and Kindred in their own Country , who have courage enough to resent , and very likely it is that they would have resented such an Injury done to their Kinsmen here , and would have revenged it upon the next of the English whom they had found in France ; And as one Mischief brings on another , who can tell but it might have brought on a National Quarrel at last ? But God be thanked , there is now no Cause to apprehend these ill Consequences ; Justice hath prevailed , Innocency hath found Protection , and all Machinations and Contrivances against both Justice and Innocency , have been defeated , and the Parties wronged have received some Reparation for the Injuries , which were then offered unto them . For those Gentlemen have since brought their Action against the Butchers for their Unjust and Malicious Prosecution of them , and have recovered Four Hundred Pounds Dammages in the Court of Common-Pleas before the Lord Chief-Justice Vaughan : And I have made my Complaint to the House of Peers of the Lord Chief-Justice Keeling his ( as I thought ) unfitting Expressions and Carriage in relation to me , particularly for laying to my Charge a foule Contrivance in the carriage of this business , ( as I then understood it , and I do believe all that heard him when those words were uttered by him ; but he hath since denied that he meant it of me , so I am satisfied : ) And their Lordships have called him before them , and after hearing us both , have adjudged him to make me a Satisfaction , ( which he hath accordingly made ) as is expressed in their Order of Friday the 10 th of March 1670 , entred upon Record in their Journal-Book , with which I shall conclude . The Record is as followeth : Die Veneris , decimo Martii , 1670. THis day the Lord Holles produced several Witnesses to be examined concerning his Complaint ( in his Petition ) of several Indignities put upon him by the Lord Chief Justice of the Court of Kings-Bench , at the Tryal of some French-Gentlemen in the said Court of Kings-Bench , who were there falsly accused of a Robbery by four Butchers in Easter-Term last ; After the hearing of which Witnesses , the Lord Chief-Justice made his defence , and denyed , that he intended any thing against the Lord Holles , when he spake those words at the said Tryal , [ That it was a foule Contrivance &c. ] as in the Petition is set forth : To which Defence the Lord Holles made a short Reply , and then voluntarily withdrew himself , and the Lord-Chief-Justice withdrew himself also . Upon which the House took the whole matter into serious consideration , and ordered , That the Lord Chief-Justice should be called to his place as a Judge , and openly ( in the presence of the Lord Holles ) the Lord-Keeper should let him know , That this House is not satisfied with his carriage towards the Lord Holles in this business , and therfore hath Ordered , that he should make this Acknowledgment , which is to be read by the Clerk , as followeth , That he did not mean it of the Lord Holles when he spake those words , [ That it was a foul Contrivance ] and that he is sorry that by his behaviour or expressions he gave any occasion to interpret those words otherwise ; and asks the Pardon of this House , and of the Lord Holles . Then the Lord Chief-Justice of the Court of King's-Bench was called to his place ( the Lord Holles being also present ) the Lord-Keeper performed the directions of the House , and the Lord Chief-Justice read the Acknowledgment abovesaid , onely changing the style into the first person . John Browne , Cleric . Parliamentorum . And this being the true state of the whole Business , I do appeal to all Mankind to judge , if there was any colour of Truth in that Accusation of the French-Gentlemen by these Butchers , if in the least degree they were deserving such a Prosecution , and much less the thing aimed at by that Prosecution , the taking away of their Lives ; And if I , by endeavouring ( as I did ) their Assistance and Preservation , deserved any blame either for the Matter or Manner of it . FINIS . 
A70251	----	A true relation of the unjust accusation of certain French gentlemen (charged with a robbery of which they are most innocent) and the proceedings upon it, with their tryal and acquittance in the Court of Kings Bench in Easter term last published by Denzell Lord Holles. Holles, Denzil Holles, Baron, 1599-1680. 1671 Approx. 84 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-11 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A70251 Wing H2480 ESTC R28675 10736551 ocm 10736551 45583 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A70251) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 45583) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1404:13 or 1558:43) A true relation of the unjust accusation of certain French gentlemen (charged with a robbery of which they are most innocent) and the proceedings upon it, with their tryal and acquittance in the Court of Kings Bench in Easter term last published by Denzell Lord Holles. Holles, Denzil Holles, Baron, 1599-1680. [2], 44 p. Printed by J. Darby for Richard Chiswel, London : 1671. This item is found as Wing H2480 on reel 1404:13 and as T3064 on reel 1558:43. Wing number T3064 cancelled in Wing (CD-ROM, 1996). Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Thieves -- England. Great Britain -- History -- Restoration, 1660-1688 -- Sources. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2004-01 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-09 Jonathan Blaney Sampled and proofread 2004-09 Jonathan Blaney Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A True RELATION OF THE Unjust Accusation Of Certain French Gentlemen , ( Charged with a Robbery , of which they were most Innocent ) And the Proceedings upon it , with their Tryal and Acquittance in the Court of Kings Bench , in Easter Term last . Published by DENZELL LORD HOLLES , Partly for a further manifestation of their Innocency , ( of which , as he is informed , many do yet doubt ) and partly for his own Vindication , in regard of some Passages at that Tryal , which seemed very strongly to reflect upon him . London , Printed by J. Darby , for Richard Chiswel , at the two Angels and Crown in Little-Britain , 1671. COnceiving my self under some necessity , not onely to make known the Innocency of a couple of young Gentlemen of the French Nation , whom a curiosity of seeing other Countries besides their own had brought into England , and who , by a great deal of Art and Malice , had been drawn into danger by a Robbery laid to their charge , of which they were as free as the Child new born ; And also to vindicate my self of some blemish , which was endeavoured to be cast upon me at the Tryal of those Gentlemen in the Kings Bench , as if something had been done by me , not fair nor justifiable , in the carriage of that Business , and some harsh usage which I received in Court : These considerations have induced me to make publick the whole Proceeding from the beginning to the end . But by the way , let me answer one thing which may be objected , Why I have staid so long to set out this Narrative , it being now almost a twelve month since these transactions were , which gave the occasion for it ? to which I say , That it was still my desire , before I made it publick in Print , to be judicially cleared in my Reputation ; and before I did apply my self to any Higher Power either King or Parliament to be so cleared , to do my self first that right , to declare the truth of all Passages , whereby the clearness of my Proceedings might appear , I still being in the same capacity , and upon the same level , as I was , when those indignities were put upon me , and when such a disguise was put upon the whole business as the truth could not appear , that was , to give a full and true account of all in an Ordinary Court of Justice , which I would have done then in the Kings Bench , but could not be suffered , and for which I knew I should have an opportunity , when those Gentlemen should bring their Action against the Persons who had so falsly and malitiously accused them , as they have since done in the Court of Common Pleas , and there I did them and my self that right , to lay open the whole matter , with which the Court and Jury were so well satisfied , that they had a Verdict for Four hundred Pounds dammages against them ; and after that , I immediately made my Complaint in the House of Lords for what concerned my self , where I have received that Justice , which hath abundantly satisfied me , ( my Honour being the only thing dear unto me , which before had been blemished , and was there cleared ) and now I come to present it all to the publick view , and shall do it as succinctly as I may , with all candor and sincerity . These two Gentlemen , One , a youth of about 17 years of age , called Valentine Simon Chevalier de Hoeville ( that is , Knight of Hoeville , according to the French stile , he being destinated ( it seems ) by his Parents to be a Knight of Malta , when they use to give them the Appellation of Knights , even while very young before their going thither to take upon them the Vow and the Habit : ) The other , his Name is Adrian Lampriere Sr des Mezieres , young also , but nineteen years old , and of a good Family in Normandy as well as the other , both of them Neighbours to my Wife , and to her Estate in those parts . These two young Men , younger Brothers , but with money in their Purses , came hither , not to rob upon the High-Way , but to see Fashions , and have seen One with a Witness not very well to be liked by them : They landed at Ratcliff , the second or third of November ; and having a recommendation to lodge at Master Sedgewick's House , a Barber , in the Strand , they came thither , and there they continued , till forced to lie in a Prison against their Wills. Though they were Neighbours , and their Parents of acquaintance and Friends to my Wife , yet she heard not of them , till they were made to cry to her out of the Goal of Hartford ; They excused it afterwards that they would not see her , till they had put themselves into Black Clothes , as most wore at that time . They kept in their Lodgings , and scarce ever went out , but to their Dinners and Suppers at an Ordinary ( as several Credible Witnesses made it out at their Tryal ) from the day of their coming to London , until the Thursday sennight after , which was the 11th of November . That day , they and three others of their Countreymen ( whom they had fallen acquainted with here ) agreed to go see a Merchant about Barnet , with whom they had some business ; Missing of him , they resolved to go see Hatfield House . One of their Company onely spake English , whose Name was Beauuais , themselves not one word , and the other two as little . For this Journey they hired Horses , in two or three places , from several Persons , the best Horse not worth above three Pounds . These Horses were brought to their Lodgings upon the Thursday Morning , their Landlord's Wife passing her word for them . One of the Company had no Boots , a young Youth , whose Father is a rich Merchant in Paris , his Name Boutandon ; He lay in Long-Acre , and took Horse there ; And it is said , they had much adoe to get him upon his Horse , having scarce ever been upon one before , and Boots it is certain he had none at all , nor they say never had any : And not a Pistol among all five . In this Equipage they began their Voyage , how like to be High-Way Men , let any man judge , especially having no Language , nor no knowledge of the Countrey , or of one foot of the way in it , and Horses that could scarce go out of a way when they were in it . They came to Hatfield upon the Market Day , went into the Market , saw Hatfield House , and coming back to their Inn , the Town did rise upon them , and apprehended them for Thieves , that had robbed four Butchers , whose names were Robert Simons , Robert Bellingham , Edward Lawrence , and Solomon Grace , upon Totternol Hill in Bedfordshire the Monday before , being the eighth of November , between three and four of the Clock in the Afternoon . Those Butchers among the rest came , and viewed them , and having seen them , One or two of them ( as I have been told ) were very doubtful of accusing them ; Solomon Grace by Name , saying ( as one Murrel a Chirurgion who did then reside in Hatfield , and was present , hath assured me ) that he would not for the World say , they were the men that did the Robbery : Onely two of the Butchers said , They thought they were them , and going into the Stable , said , They thought they knew one of the Horses . They kept them there all the Thursday , trying to get the Money from them which the Butchers had lost , about 27 pound , upon which condition , they said they would let them go , and not carry them before a Justice . But they refusing it , they then upon the Friday Morning carried them before Sir Francis Butler : He examined them , and heard the Accusation of the four Butchers , without giving them their Oath ; And upon the bare saying of three of them , One , that those men were like those he saw upon the Road , the other two , that they did believe them to be those that robbed them : He made his Mittimus , and sent them to the Goal at Hartford , whither they were compelled to walk on foot : And when they came thither , were presently put into Irons , and laid in a low damp Room , with scarce any light to it , no Bed , and only Straw to lie upon ; and so they lay from Friday the twelfth of November , till the Sunday fortnight after , seventeen dayes , more like Dogs then Persons of any Quality : And no body at London had known what had become of them , if that Murrel , whom I named before , hearing them tell where they lodged in London , had not of himself come and given notice at that House , That their Guests were in Hartford Goal . The Examination and the Mittimus follow Verbatim . The Examination of Solomon Grace , Drover ; Robert Simmons , Robert Bellingham , and Edward Lawrence , Butchers , all of the Parish of Edmondton in the County of Middlesex , taken before me , One of the Justices of Peace for the County of Hartford , upon the 12 th of November , 1669. Solomon Grace saith , That he riding on the Road near Totternol , saw five young men afoot , with their Horses in their hands ; he suspecting them , made haste from them ; and being got at a good distance , stayed to let his Horse drink , b●● seeing them coming towards him , he galloped away , and heard one of them say , Farewel old man ; And looking about , saw them all turn back towards Totternol Hill , which was about a mile distance from him ; and saith , That the Persons apprehended are very like those he saw upon the Road. Robert Simmons saith , That on Monday , being the eighth of November , 1669. about three or four of the Cl ck in the Afternoon , upon Totternol Hill , in the Parish of Totternol , he was robbed , and had 27 pounds taken from him , and believes the Persons now apprehended , are the men which robbed him . Robert Bellingham , as to time and place , agreeth with Robert Simmons , and further saith , That he and Robert Simmons , and Edward Lawrence , riding together , espied five men coming towards them , which they judged to be Thieves , and therefore putting Spurs to their Horses , thought to escape them by riding , but two of them overtaking him , one of the two clapt a Pistol to his Breast ; they searched him , and finding no Money , they took his Bridle and his Girdle , and the other three pursued Robert Simmons , And he verily believes that the black man , which calls himself Adrian Lamperiere , is the man that pulled the Bridle off his Horse . Edward Lawrence saith , He was in Company with Robert Simmons and Robert Bellingham , on the forementioned day , time , and place , and saw the five men , which they suspected to be Thieves , but being well horsed , escaped . The Examination of Paul Bovey , Adrian Lamperier , Iohn Boudandon , Valentine Chivalier , and Guinet Chateuneuf , all French men , taken before me , One of His Majesties Justices of the Peace for the County of Hertford , upon the 12 th day of November 1669. Paul Bovey saith , That he is a Servant to One of My Lord Chamberlains Sons , Mr. Edward Montacute , but that he lodgeth at Mr. Munduglas his House , in George Lane in Kings-street , Westminster . He saith he came to Hatfield upon the 11th of November 1669. with four of his Friends , to see the Earl of Salisburies House , And that on Monday before , he and one of his Friends dined at the Scottish Ordinary in Bedfordbury , and on Tuesday they all five dined in the same place . Adrian Lamperier saith , That he came into England the second of this Instant , and that he lodgeth at one Sedgwick's a Barbers , over against the Maypole in the Strand . John Boudandon saith , he came into England the 15th of August last , and lodgeth in Long-Acre , at a Semstress House over against the Castle ; and that he tradeth in Merchandize . Valentine Chevalier lodgeth with Adrian Lamperier , and came into England with him . Guinet Chateauneuf lodgeth with Paul Bouey , which Monsieur Bouey hired all the five Horses , upon which they rode to Hatfield . Sedgwick past his word for three of the Horses , who lives in the Strand over against the May-pole ; and all but Bouey affirm , they were not out of London since they came thither , until the fore-mentioned 11th of November . The Mittimus . To the Keeper of his Majesties Gaol for the County of Hertford . I Herewithall send you the Bodies of Paul Bouey , Adrian de Lamperier , John Boutandon , Valentine Chevalier , and Guinet Chateauneuf , brought this day before me , and charged with the Felonious taking away twenty seven pounds from Robert Simmons of Edmondton , and rifling Robert Bellingham upon Totternol-hill , on the 8th day of this instant November , between three and four of the Clock in the afternoon : These are therefore on the behalf of our Sovereign Lord the King , to command you to receive the forenamed Paul Bouey , Adrian Lamperier , John Boutandon , Valentine Chevalier , and Guinet Chateauneuf , and them safely to keep in your Gaole until they shall be thence delivered by due Order of Law : hereof fail not . Given under my Hand and Seal at Hatfield-Woodhall this 12th of November 1669 , in the 21th year of his Majesties Reign . Francis Boteler . Mr. Sedgwick their Landlord presently sent his Son to Hertford to them , and with him their Servant , whom they had left in London ; And that Servant they sent back , with a Letter to my Wife , to let her know who , and where they were : with which she acquainted me upon the Monday-morning , I being at that time sick in bed . Whereupon I sent for Sedgwick , who came to me immediately , and brought with him the men of whom they had hired the Horses , and his Son , and ( as I remember ) a Servant of his . He gave me an account of those Gentlemen , assuring me they had not been out of London from the time of their coming thither , till that Thursday ; And that he believed them to be very honest men , they having carried themselves very civilly in his House : And however , That he would take his Oath , they had not committed any Robbery upon Monday the 8th of November , for he knew they were all that day in London ; which his Son and Servant likewise affirmed ; and the Men of whom the Horses were hired , said , they had them but that Thursday . And he offered himself to be Bayl for them , but said he could not possibly go thither to bayl them till the Wednesday ; Upon which day I sent one with him to joyn in the Bayl ; They first went to Sir Francis Boteler , the Justice that had committed them , told him who those Gentlemen were whom he had committed ; that they were persons known unto me so far , as that I would answer for them , being very well assured that they were not guilty of that Robbery , as having not stirred out of London all that day on which the Robbery was done in Bedfordshire , at thirty miles distance from thence , nor had been out of London from the time of their arrival thither out of France , till the day before he committed them to Hertford-Gaol , which was three dayes after the Robbery , when they went from London to see Hatfield-House ; and that therefore I had sent them to him , to be their Bayl : But all this would not prevail with Sir Francis Boteler , who bade them go to some other Justice , saying , It was not fit for him who had sent them to Prison , to take Bayl for them to let them out . He was then desired , they might not lie in Irons : but he would not meddle with that neither , saying , he left that to the Gaoler , who knew how to keep them . So they left him , and went to seek some other Justice at Hertford , And when they came thither , they found a Letter there from Mr. Justice Morton , that then they could not be bayled . The Letter was directed to the Gaoler of Hertford as follows . SIR , THere being Information given to my Lord Chief Iustice and my self , that there are five high-way Robbers apprehended in Hertfordshire , and committed to the Goal , I am desired by my Lord Chief Iustice to require you to look carefully to them , that they do not escape out of your Custody , and to iron them well : And withall to write up unto Us by what Names they are committed to you , and what their true Names are , if you have or can discover the same ; because we are informed , That they refuse to declare what their true Names are ; And the Return thereof you are to send by this Bearer , and to be very careful that they may not escape , or be bayled without our special Order : And this we require you to perform at your utmost peril . Chancery-Lane , Nov. 15. 1669. Postscript ▪ I pray you , That the Bearers hereof be admitted to view the Prisoners , and to confer with them . So Sedgwick , and he that went with him to bayl them , returned next day to London , re infecta , brought me Copies of the Examination , Mittimus , and of Judge Mortons Letter : With which I presently went to Serjeants-Inn to the Judge , and discoursing the matter with him , made it appear they could not be Thieves : so he said , they should be bayled , but that he must speak first with the Chief-Justice , because the Letter had been written by his advice , and he would give me an account of it the next day in the Lords House : He came accordingly , and then told me the Case was altered , since he had seen me , for that the Butchers had now been with the Lord Chief-Justice , and positively charged them with the Robbery upon their Oaths , so as now they were not baylable . I replied , I thought it strange , That first a Justice of Peace should send Men to Prison without any Oath against them , of so much as Suspition , keep them so long in Irons , so hardly used ; and after several dayes lying so , their Accusers to be sent for to swear to their Accusation , when they had not done it before ; so to make good a posteriore , what upon their Commitment before was not good . ( For certainly their Imprisonment , and all the Duress they had suffered , without an Accusation upon Oath , and to refuse bayling them , was unjust and illegal : ) And I said ; the King should be acquainted with it : Which he was , and the Chief-Justice was sent for , and I commanded by his Majesty to attend at the same time , which was the Monday after in the morning : When we came thither , the Chief-Justice telling the King they were Highway-men , and I affirming they were not , and that I would undertake for them body for body : His Majesty said , they should then be bayled , and commanded the Chief-Justice accordingly to do it , who said he would ; but yet was it a whole week after , ere I could get them brought to the Kings-Bench Bar to be bayled ; For just that day sennight after , upon the Monday , they were brought thither , and there I entered into a Recognizance of Two thousand Pounds for their Appearance at the next Assizes at Bedford : And all that week they had lain in Irons in their nasty Hole at Hertford : Nay , I am credibly inform'd , That when they were brought to the Side-Barr in Westminster-Hall in the morning before the Court sate , the Chief-Justice was angry , because they had not Irons on ; which was a very great severity to poor young Gentlemen , strangers , whom the King had commanded to be bayled , and whom ( if I may say it without vanity ) a Peer of the Realm had undertaken for , in the Presence of his Majesty . At Bedford Lent-Assizes they appeared , and were indicted , but their Tryal was by the King's Command removed by Certiorari into the King's-Bench . And the first day of Easter Term they appeared there : Whither I went not my self with them , because the Small-Pox was in my House , which made me keep within doors , but I sent my Son , bade him do my service to my Lord Chief-Justice , tell him the occasion why I came not , and that he was there to perform what was to be done for the bayling of those Gentlemen : Now it seems the use is upon such a kind of Bayl , after an Indictment upon a Certiorari , to require four Persons to answer for the Prisoner body for body : So my Son offered himself , and Mr. Sedgwick the Landlord to these Gentlemen , ( a Substantial Man , worth at least two or three Thousand Pounds ) and two other men , French-men , but House-keepers , and that live in a good fashion , to be the Bayl : The Chief-Justice asked those two , what estate they had , and if they would swear , that all their Debts paid , they were worth three hundred pounds , which they refusing to do , he put them by , and would not accept of them for Bayl ; which I am told is not usual to be requied of such kind of Bayl , that undertake body for body for a Prisoners being forthcoming . Well bayled they were not , but to Prison they went , and there they continued until their Tryal upon Wednesday the 11th of May , at which I was present in Court. That day they were brought to the Barr , and the four Butchers came , their Accusers , and were sworn in Court , of whom three charged them with the Robbery ; And Solomon Grace was one of the three , who had refused to swear against them , when they were first seized on at Hatfield , and afterwards at London when the Lord Chief-Justice sent for him ; And I am very certain that he said afterwards in my house in my hearing , and of several of my Servants , that he had not sworn against them , nor would for all the world ; ( The occasion of his coming to my house I shall hereafter relate : ) The fourth man , Edward Lawrence said , he saw the five Thieves at a distance , but he rode for it and escaped , and could not say it was those five men at the Barr. A fift man was produced , one George Pettiford , who said that he rode in Company with Beauuais within half a Mile of Totternel-Hill about two of the clock in the afternoon that day that the Robbery was , but could not say any thing to the Robbery : The Butchers said also , that two of the Horses which they rode upon , when they robbed them , viz. that which Adrian Lampriere had , a Bay with a white face and white feet , and that which Beauuais had , a Gray , were taken with them at Hatfield ; where , upon the Hue and Cry all the five men were apprehended . Simmons said further , that Beauuais was the man , that took his Money from him : And Bellingham said , that the black man , ( who was Adrian Lampriere ) when he overtook him , held a Pistol to his Breast , and swore to him Dam-me what Money hast thou about thee ? and then rifled him , and finding nothing , took his Girdle , and pulled his bridle off his horses head . And the same Bellingham some-while after being again asked and put to it , to repeat what Lampriere said , and in what language he spake , when he came to him ; He then answered , that he said Dam-me , and jabberd to him , but he knew not well what he said : So would not stand to what he had positively said before of Lamprieres asking him , what Money he had in his Purse : And I dare affirm that at that time Mr. Lampriere could not have spoken so much English to have gotten thereby all the Money in England ; Of which One Pinson ( that teacheth strangers the English tongue ; whom he hath since had to teach him ) will take his Oath . This was the Charge . Then the Prisoners being required to answer to it , Mr. Lampriere began to give an account of himself , what he was , and what had brought him into this Kingdom ; That he was a Gentleman , and came not hither to robb upon the High-way : That his friends would rather wish him a thousand times dead , than to be branded with such an Infamy ; And so was going on , when the Chief-Justice interrupted him , and bad him speak particularly to the matters of his Charge ; ( And certainly what he was saying was much to the purpose , to shew in the first place the Improbability of his being guilty of such a Fact , by being a Gentleman , a stranger in this Country , and whose friends would detest him if he had committed that Fact ; ) He then only named some Persons , and desired they might be heard , to prove , that he could not be guilty of that Robbery , for that he was in London all that Monday the 8 th of November , when the Robbery was committed upon Totternol-hill in Bedford shire . And first , one Mr. Richard Compton , an ancient Gentleman , and ( as I am informed ) a Justice of Peace in his Country , was produced , who said , That he lodged in the same House with the two Gentlemen at the Barr , at Mr. Sedgewick's the Barber , that he saw them there , and spake with them the Saturday , understanding French a little , and saw them and spake with them the Monday , which was the 8 th of November , first in the morning , and then at two of the clock in the afternoon , and again at five of the clock the same Evening : ( so then if he said true , it was impossible they should be that day Robbing at Totternoll-hill ; And a grave Person of that Quality affirming a thing in such a solemn Assembly , in a Court of Justice is certainly more to be believed , then those Butchers , even upon their Oathes , who as it appears cared no more to hang men with taking a false Oath , then to have knockt one of their Calves in the head , and accordingly it seems the Jury did believe him , ) He said further , that he saw them also the Wednesday , and thought he saw their Horses on Thursday , which they rode on to Hatfield . The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take so good notice of his seeing them the Monday ? he answered , that when he heard they were taken as Highway-men , and to have done a Robbery such a day , he had recollected his Memory , how he had seen them at times all that day in London , and had set it down in a Paper , with the day of the Month , and pointing to the two Gentlemen at the Barr , to shew he meant them , the Chief-Justice bad him name them , He said , he knew not their Names , which the Chief-Justice presently laid hold on , and asked him , how then he could give such a Testimony of them ? he answered , that they had told him their names , but he had forgotten them , and called them still only Monsieurs . Next Thomas Doughty , an antient man likewise , a Sollicitor , was called : He said , he saw those two Gentlemen in Mr. Sedgwick's house , Saturday the 6 th of November , and the Monday being the 8 th at three of the clock in the afternoon ( just the hour of the Robbery ) and saw them also there the Tuesday , and the Wednesday ; The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take so much notice of them ? he answered , that he followed business for Mr. Sedgewick , and so had occasion to come often to the house , where he saw them . Then Mr. Sedgewick was heard , who said , That those two Gentlemen , viz. Mr. Lampriere , and the Chevali er , came to his house the 2 d of November , being then newly arrived out of France , and recommended by some body , that had told them there were some in it that spake French ; And that from the time of their coming to London , till the Thursday sennight that they went to Hatfield , they had not been out of his house above two hours at a time , and then only to their Dinners and Suppers at an Ordinary in Swan-Alley : And that particularly upon Monday the 8th of November , they were in his house all the morning till about eleven a clock , and then went out to dinner to the Ordinary , and came back about one or two , and staid within till supper time , and then went to the Ordinary , and came back after supper : The Chief-Justice asked him , where they dined upon the Sunday before , he said they dined with him at his house : And that the Tuesday and Wednesday following they were within both forenoon and afternoon , only going out to their meals : that Thursday they took horse at his door to go to Barnet , with a resolution to see Hatfield-House before their return . Mris Sedgwick ( his Wife ) said , that those two French-Gentlemen came to their house upon the 2 d day of November about ten of the clock in the forenoon , brought thither by a Waterman , to whom ( they having no English Money ) she gave a Crown for them : That they went out to dinner to the Ordinary , and afterwards came back , and lay upon their beds , and she saw them no more till the next day , when she changed some French Gold for them ; That from the 2 d to the 11 th of November that they went to Barnet , they were not above two hours at a time out of doors : That Mr. Beauuais went with them , because he spake English : That they said if they found not their Merchant at Barnet , they would go to Hatfield : That she passed her word for their Horses ; And not seeing them come home again on Thursday , she much wondred at it , and on Friday in the evening one came to tell them , they were in Hertford Gaol : That they sent Letters to the Lord Holles , who knew them : That three of them took horse at their door about nine or ten of the clock in the forenoon , and were to meet the two others in Drury-Lane : And that the horses were so bad , as they said it would be a shame to be seen upon them . I must note here that upon the naming of me , and mentioning the Letter , that should be written to me , the Chief-Justice seemed to be moved , and said some thing which I did not well hear , whereupon I stood up , and said , My Lord , I shall give you an account how I came to be concerned , and so began to tell , That they were Gentlemen , Neighbours to my Wife in Normandy , who came over hither to see the Country , and falling into this misfortune , writ a Letter to my Wife to acquaint her with it , not to me , ( which was a mistake in the Witness ; ) And so was going on to relate what I knew of the business ; But his Lordship was pleased in a very angry peremptory manner to interrupt me , first asking if I was to give Evidence , then bidding me forbear , and saying I must not interrupt the Court. I replied , That I hoped it was not to interrupt the Court ; Nor to do them any wrong to inform them as as much as was possible of all passages , that they might the better understand the whole truth of the business : He answered again very angrily , My Lord , you wrong not the Court , but you wrong your self : And it is not the first time you have been observed to appear too much for strangers . So I was snubb'd , and sate down again . But I must say , it was a language , I had not been used to , nor I think any of my condition , that have the Honour to serve the King in the quality I do of a Privy-Counseller . Then Sedgwick the Son was called , who said he knew those two , viz. Mr. Lampriere , and the Chevalier , That they came to lodge at their House , the 2 d of November , and their continued till the 11 th . That the day before they went their journy all five met at their shop ; And that in the morning , three of them ( their two lodgers and Beauvais ) took horse there , and said they should meet the other two in their way , and so go to Barnet : That upon Monday the 8 th of November , he saw the two ( the Chevalier and the other ) at home about ten of the clock , and again about two in the afternoon ; And that they staid within till the evening ; And the same account he gives of them for Tuesday and Wednesday . His Sister Mary Sedgwick confirms what was said of their assiduous and constant being at home ; Only adds this , that upon Monday morning the 8 th she carried up a Landress to them to their Chamber , and that the little man , meaning the Chevalier , was in his bed about ten or eleven of the clock : And that every day after until Thursday she saw them in her shop , she keeping a Sempstress Shop . Philip Lemmon a Poulterer saith , That as he was watering his horse in the White-Hart yard upon the Wednesday , Mr. Lampriere , the Chevalier , and Beauvais coming by , Beauvais asked him , if he had any Horses to let ? and he said , he had but one : So they went , and he with them , to one Hooper , who had but one neither , and asked 3 s. for his hire , and they proffered half a Crown : He said that his Horse was a Bay , with a white face and four white feet , Hoopers was a little Gray Nag , and that there was a Gray Mare besides hired of another man : And said , That one Capt. Hill had hired his Horse on the Monday before to go to Brickhill , and kept him till the Wednesday : It is to be noted , that this was the Horse , which the Butchers swore , Lampriere had under him when he robbed them , whereas it appears by this mans Testimony , that one Captain Hill had him that day , and full two days after , for he brought him back to London but the Wednesday , the day before these Gentlemen hired him . Mary Hooper , Wife to him that let out one of the Horses , saith , That she sent the little Gray Nagg on Thursday morning to Mr. Sedgwick's house , And that on the Wednesday before she saw those three Men with her Husband hiring that Horse of him : And note , That this was the other Horse , which the Butchers swore that Beauvais ridd upon when he robbed them ; Whereas it appears , that none of them had this Horse till three dayes after that Robbery , when they went to Hatfield , nor was it Beauvais who had himthen , but Mr. Lampriere ; so they swore falsly , for it appears , neither he nor the Horse were there . William Wood Master of the Victualling-house in Swan-Alley , witnessed , That Mr. Lampriere and the Chevalier dined and supped at his House Monday the 8 th of November . The Chief-Justice asked him , how he came to take notice , that they were there just that day ? He answered , That there was a Writing sealed between two Persons at his House that day , and he had since looked upon the date of it , and found it to be the 8 th of November , and he very well remembred that those two Gentlemen were then present . The Chief-Justice then asked him , Where they dined upon the Sunday ? He said , at his House . Whereupon Mr. Sedgwick was presently called , and asked again , where the Gentlemen dined on Sunday ? and he ( as he had done before ) said , at his House . Of this the Chief-Justice took notice , shewing how the Witnesses contradicted one another , which he said took off their whole Testimony ( or some words to that effect ; And by the way let me say , that I would not be understood to take upon me to repeat still the very Identical words that were spoken by any , but I am very confident , that I do not vary a tittle from the sense of what every one said . ) The same Wood also testified that they had dined and supped at his house the Tuesday , and the Wednesday following ; So as it appears , they continued still in London until the Thursday . Then Charles Walrond came into the Court and confessed , that himself , Du-Val , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy were the five men that committed that Robbery upon the Butchers at Totternol-Hill upon Monday the 8 th of November ; That they robbed them about the middle of the Hill ; That himself rode upon a Brown Gelding . That it was Ashenhurst that took the Money from the Butcher , about 22 l. odd money : The Chief-Justice then stopt him , and said , That he knew he would say what ever he was bid to say ; And then asked him , if he had been indicted for this Robbery ? he said , No ; and the Chief-Justice replyed , Now Sirrah you have confest enough , and you shall be indicted , or you may be indicted , one of the two I am sure he said , but which I will not positively affirm . He had said in the account he gave , That one of the Butchers breaking from them and galloping away , he followed him over some Plowed-Lands ; and the Butcher affirming it was Stubble he rode over , the Chief-Justice made a great matter of it , insinuating , as if Walrond had said false , and that he was not there at all , but meerly took this Robbery upon himself at my sollicitation , upon hope of his Pardon ; yet another of the Butchers confessed there was both Plowed-Land and Stubble : And what was it material which it was ? It had been no wonder , if neither could have told ; and that both had been mistaken : For hardly doth either he that rides away from a Thief as fast as his Horse will carry him , and sufficiently frighted withal , or the Thief that rides as fast after him to overtake him , mind the Ground they ride over . Then Sir George Charnock was called in to testifie what Du-Val and Mac-Guy had confessed concerning this Robbery : But first I must tell , how the Butchers ( and Bellingham chiefly ) had a little before given Information , That they had been sent for up to London by the Lord Holles his Warrant , and carried to Du Val at Newgate , where Du-Val , Mac-Guy , and they were examined by two Men , who pretended themselves to be Justices of Peace , and who after they had examined Du-Val , carried him to Mac-Guy , but first went in themselves , and staid with him half an hour , and when they came into the Room they took him aside again , and spake with him in private a good space , acquainting him ( as Bellingham said he conceived ) with what Du-Val had confessed , and promising him his Pardon ; and that then Mac-Guy said the same things with Du-Val , and took the Robbery upon him , as Du-Val had done before : I must note , that upon Bellingham's saying they were sent for by me , I stood up and said , that it was done by the King 's express Command . The Chief-Justice asked , Who were those Justices , and what were their Names ? and used some expression to this sense , That those Justices deserv'd to be sent to the Gaol themselves ; And withal cast his looks upon me , and by his gesture and countenance seemed to mark out me , as the Setter and Contriver of a foul Practice , to send those Justices thither to make those condemned Persons own the Robbery , and acquit the French-men ; So as all the standers-by took notice of it , and looked upon me , as well as did the Judge ; yet I sate still and would not say any thing in the Court to vindicate my self , because I would not give any interruption to their proceedings , as the Chief-Justice had before told me that I did , and I believed he might again have said the same . But truly if I had done any unworthy thing even to have saved their lives , or had any design of suborning , or in any unfitting way perswading any body to do or speak for them , or had contributed any thing to the effecting of such a design ▪ I should abhor my self for it . And after I shall have gone through with all the Witnesses , I shall then give an account , and a very true one , of all my transactions in that business : And will now go on with the Testimony of Sir Goarge Charnock . He said , that himself and Mr. Andrew Blackwell Counsellor at Law , and Mr. William Sedgwick , and one of his Majesties Messengers , were sent by me , together with Bellingham and other the Prosecutors , to Du-Val to Newgate just before his going to Execution : That they found him in a room , which was not very dark , and yet had also a Candle in it , so as Du-Val , and the Butchers mighteasily discern one another , and he asked them whether they knew one another ? Du-Val confessed that he and his Camerades had committed the Robbery upon those men , and named Walrond , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy to have been those that were then with him at that Robbery ; That Bellingham thereupon swore , By God he was not the Person that Robbed them : And Du-Val upon that said , Friend be cautious how you swear and prosecute Innocent Persons ; for men of your profession , Butchers , care not what you swear against any man ; And instanced in a Robbery in Surry committed by him , and others , upon some Butchers , which they had charged peremptorily upon other persons that were innocent . And then said further to Bellingham , You may remember it was I , by the same token , that you fled from me over the Plowed-Lands , and my horse tired , so , as I left following you , and walked back with my horse in my hand ; And Sir George Charnock said , that he then asked Bellingham what he said to that , and that Bellingham was startled at it , and confessed it to be true , that he did ride away from them towards Layton . And so was going on with his Testimony , when the Chief-Justice interrupted him , and required him to answer a Question which he would propose , which was , to know how long he had been with Mac-Guy before the Butchers saw him ? To which he answered , That he desired his Lordship he might first give a full account of what Du-Val had confessed , and that then he would tell all that had passed with Mac-Guy : But his Lordship would not suffer him , but said , Pray you Sir George go on no further , but answer this Question . Whereupon he told him , that he was a little while with Mac-Guy , but not alone , for Mr. Blackwell and young Sedgwick were there as well as he , and that he asked Mac-Guy if he was one of the Persons which had committed such a Robbery ? and he denyed it ; whereupon he sent for the Butchers into the room , and desired them to look upon Mac-Guy , and see if they knew him ; which they said they did not . The Chief-Justice then asked him , if he took not Mac-Guy aside the 2 d time ? he said he did , but Mr. Blackwell and young Sedgwick still present , and that it was only to make him discharge his Conscience and tell the truth , which he conceived it to be his duty to do , and so was going on to relate all passages ; But the Chief-Justice stopt him , and with much sharpness reproved him , saying , Sir George you have gone too far , and have done too much already : here hath been a foul Contrivance , it would be examined by what Authority you have done it : And would hear him no further , nor suffer him to read Du-Val and Mac-Guy's Examinations which he had in his hand and shewed unto him , notwithstanding that both Sir George and my self had just before told him , that all had been done by the Kings express command . Then the Masters Mate of the Ship , Iohn Burdick , who brought over the two Gentlemen into England , was called : He said , that he took in those two Gentlemen viz. Mr. Hoeville and Mr. Lampriere , and one Servant of theirs aboard his Ship at Roven , upon the 27 th of October ; that he landed them at Ratcliff upon the third of November ; that they went into London that day , and came back and lay that night on shore in Ratcliff , and the next day they went again to London , and came no more ; And he sent a Seaman along with them to carry their things : The Chief-Justice then asked him , if he was sure , that he landed them the 3 d of November ? he answered Yes , for that he had set it down in writing and had it ready in his hand to shew . Then Sedgwick the Father was presently called , and asked again , What day those two came to his house ? he said ( as before ) the second of November : And sharp Reflections were made upon this faltering in his Testimony , as if the stress of the matter had lain in this , Whether the second or third of November was the day of their landing ? which no man will say could signifie any thing , to prove , whether or no they had been robbing upon Totternol-hill the eighth . And so ended the Tryal of those two Gentlemen , Hoeville and Lampriere : Then Paul Beauvais was called upon to answer for himself ; And he desired only that his Witnesses might be heard , to prove his being in London the day of the Robbery . And first Sir Steven Fox was called , who being in Court , affirmed upon his Salvation , that he saw Beauvais at a French Play that very day from three of the clock in the afternoon untill seven ; ( Note , this was the very time of the Robbery . ) The Chief-Justice asked him , How he came to take notice that it was that very day ? Of which Sir Stephen gave this account , That his Wife and himself , and his Daughter , and a Gentlewoman that waited on his Daughter , were that Monday at the French Play , and his Daughter sitting before him in the Box , looked over into the Pit , and saw Beauvais there , and turned back to him , saying , Father , Paul Beauvais is not gone into France , I see him here : Whereupon he said he looked over also into the Pit , and did see him there ; and saw him also , and spoke to him at the end of the Play , about seven of the Clock : He said also , That he was then to go into France to his Mother , and that he thought him gone : And for his taking such particular notice of him , and his being there that very day , Monday the eighth of November , ( for that was asked of him as well as of others ) He gave this Reason , That hearing so presently after , within four dayes , that Beauvais was taken with some others , and committed to Hertford Gaol for a Robbery done that day , he easily recollected himself and remembred his being that day at the French Play : and this upon his Salvation he declared to be true . His Wife the Lady Fox , and their Daughter , and the Waiting-Gentlewoman confirmed all that Sir Stephen had said . Then one Mac-Don ( as I remember his name , who in Beauvais's Examination at Hatfield is called Mr. Munduglas ; but whether mistaken there or here , or in both I know not ) a Scotch-man , at whose house Beauvais lodged , was called , who said that Beauvais , and Guinet the other Prisoner with him , were at his house the said Monday , and after dinner they went into Holburn ( as themselves said ) to a Barber there . And that Barber he came and said , that they were at his house about two of the clock in the afternoon that day , and that Guinet cut his ( the said Barber 's ) hair , and afterwards that they went both of them from his house , and said they would go to a Play. I must not omit one passage more upon the Testimony given by a Woman ( whose name I have forgot ) produced on the behalf of the Prisoners , she saying she had upon the Wednesday hired out a Gray Mare to carry one of them to Hatfield , and the Butchers having said that one of the Thieves that robbed them the Monday before on Totternol-hill was upon a Gray Mare : the Chief-Justice ( to shew the colour was the same , and that so it might be thought to be the same Mare ) would have the Woman repeat it again , and therefore asked her , What colour her Gray Mare was of ? which having moved some laughter , he put it of with a jest , mentioning the old saying , that the Gray Mare is the better Horse . And so the Examination of Witnesses for the Prisoners ended ; For the Judges said , there was not Evidence against the other two Prisoners , viz. Guinet and Boutandon , wherefore there was no need of hearing any more Witnesses on their parts . And then calling the Jury , the Chief-Justice applied himself to them , and to the summing up of the Evidence , which had been given pro and con , for the Prisoners and against them . In which to be short , I shall only say , that he insisted much upon the contradictions which he said he had observed in the Evidence brought on the Prisoners behalves , the Witnesses thwarting and contradicting one another , which took off much from the Credit of their Testimony , and that three men had positively charged them with that Robbery upon their Oaths ; Only he acknowledged something to have been said materially by Sir Stephen Fox for the clearing of Beauvais , and so would have differenced his case from that of the two young Gentlemen whom I had appeared for , and bayled ; and what ground there was for it , let any indifferent man judge , that reades this Narrative : But so he left it to the Jury . The Jury then went together from the Bar , and after some two hours stay returned , and delivered in their Verdict , Not Guilty : Upon which Mr. Justice Morton ( as I am informed , for I was then gone out of the Court , ) said to them , Gentlemen you have done well ; and if I had been of the Jury , I should have done the same thing that you have done . And so the Tryal ended . And now I shall give an account what hand I had in taking the Confessions of Du-Val and Mac-Guy , and likewise of Walrond . I was from the beginning as certain , as I could be of any thing that I had not seen with my own eyes , that the two French Gentlemen were most Innocent of the Robbery which was laid to their charge : And I did verily believe , That Du-Val , who likewise was a French-man ( but spake as good English as any natural-born English-man ) had done the Feat , and that the Butchers might be deceived , taking one French-man for another , and really think themselves in the right , accusing those they did , and so be guilty of false swearing without knowing it : Wherefore when Du-Val was apprehended , I did within a day or two after , take a Gentleman with me , ( one Mr. Hull of Dorsetshire ) and went to Newgate to speak with him ; and when I came thither , I did send for him into the Hall , which was full of People as it could hold , come out of curiosity it seems to see him , though I knew none of them except Mr. Charles Bartue Brother to the Earl of Linsey , who with twenty more heard all I said to Du-Val , and I doubt not but he will testifie the truth of what I here say , which is this , That when Du-Val came to me , I said this to him , Mr. Du-Val , I am sorry that you have brought your self into this bad condition , it hath been your own fault ; And the best Counsel I or any man can give you , is , to make your Peace with God Almighty , and make way for his Mercy ; and one good help to it will be , to do all the good you can before you dye , that is , by preventing Mischief as much as in you lies , discovering those Persons who have joyned with you in committing of Robberies , That they may be apprehended , and rob no longer ; and confessing the Robberies that have been done by you , that Innocent Persons may not suffer for them : Then I asked him if he had not done that Robbery at Totternol-Hill , for which some Country-men of his were questioned ? He then stood still a good while , with his head down , and his finger upon his mouth , musing , and said at last , That he was within three miles of the place where those French-men were apprehended , at the time of their Apprehension . But I prest him again to speak to the Robbery : And then he denyed it , and said he was not there : To which I replyed but this , I have no more to say to you ; God forbid you should take it upon your self if you be not guilty . This I will be deposed was the summe of all I said to him ; And so I came away , and thought no more of it , till two dayes before his Execution , that one of the two French-Gentlemen came and told me , That now Du-Val had cleared them , and confessed , That he and others had committed that Robbery ; And I asked him to whom he had confessed it ; to an Englishman or a French-man ? he said , to an English-man : I asked him then , if that English-man would tell me so much ? He answered , that he thought he would , and that he would bring him to me ; which I desired might be the next morning : Accordingly he did bring him to me the next morning , and that man did tell me , That Du-Val had confessed to him , That he and four others , whom he named to him , had committed that Robbery at Totternol-Hill ; those four he said were Mac-Guy , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Walrond : I asked him , if Du-Val would declare so much to any other person that should be sent to him ? he answered , That he was confident he would , for he had not revealed it to him in Confession ; which made me believe him to be a Romish Priest ; but I took no notice of that , only said , That it would be worth the while ; and that perhaps I should use some means that his Examination should be taken before he suffered . It was upon a Councel-Day , and I was then going to Councel , where I acquainted the King with what had been told me that morning , and said besides , That I thought it would be very well , if that the Butchers that had accused those French-men were sent for to be confronted with Du-Val before he dyed ; things might be set right , Innocent Persons might be freed , and the Butchers themselves be disabused , That they should not , by mistaking one French-man for another , persist in their false Oathes . His Majesty answered , I think it will be very well , Let them be sent for , and accordingly bade me call Mr. Secretary Trevor to him , who was in the Room , to whom He gave Order to send for the Butchers . After the rising of the Councel I returned home ; And soon after one of the Messengers of the Chamber came to me from Mr. Secretary to know the place of the abode of those Butchers , Mr. Secretary having forgot it ; And the Messenger , after I had informed him of it , went his way . That afternoon Sir George Charnock came to my House , ( as he used to do many times ) and I told him what I heard that Du-Val had confessed , and what was done upon it , and asked him , if he could be at leasure to go to Newgate to hear what Du-Val and the Butchers would say one to another ? He said he would . And then considering whom I should joyn with him , I pitch'd upon Mr. Blackwell , a Counsellor at Law , who being an Acquaintance of Mr. Sedgwicks , and using much to his House , had been with me once or twice for the business of those two French-Gentlemen , I sent to him to desire him , that he would give himself the trouble of that Employment , and he accepted of it . These two were utterly unknown the one to the other , and had never seen one another before ; so it had been a very weak part in me to have together engaged them in a foul Contrivance , nor is it likely they would have trusted one another to have together undertaken it . That night very late , as I was going to bed , one of my Servants came and told me , That the Messeng er was come with the Butchers , and said that Mr. Secretary had given him Order to bring them to me : Whereupon I sent for them all into my Chamber , and asked them if they were the men that were robbed at Totternol-Hill ? They said they were ; and I told them , That it seems it was Du-Val that robbed them . Bellingham ( who was the forward man ) presently said , No , he would swear it was those Frenchmen that were taken at Hatfield : I bad him take heed how he did swear , for if it was not they , he would be forsworn ; but he stood to it , that they were the men : Then I asked the rest , what they said to it ? Simmons , who was the man robbed , was nothing so positive as Bellingham ; Lawrence said , he could not swear who it was , for he rode away before they came so near as that he could discern them to know them again ; Solomon Grace , said these words , My Lord , I have not sworn against them , nor will for the World ; They used me well whoever they were , for I rode with them a good way , and had fourscore pounds about me , and they meddled not with me , but when they left me and rode back , they bade me Farewel . ( Yet did this man at their Tryal swear as lustily as Bellingham himself ; but how he came to do so , let them give an account who perswaded him , and no question they will do it one day . ) I said only this to them , Well Friends , it is the King's Pleasure you should see Du-Val , and he you , therefore if you will be here to morrow morning betimes , I shall send some with you who shall bring you to him ; And I bade my Servants , who were in the Room , have them down to the Buttery and make them drink , where discoursing again of the business , Solomon Grace , in the presence of three or four of my Servants ( who will be deposed of it ) said again the same thing that he had said to me in my Chamber , That he had not sworn against them , nor would for the World. Bellingham still obstinate , and in such a rage , as my Servants afterwards told me , that he would taste neither Beer nor Wine . In the morning , Sir George Charnock and Mr. Blackwell , and with them Mr. Sedgwick's Son came to my House , where they met the Butchers and the Messenger , and all together went to Newgate : and Sir George Charnock and his Company came back at Noon , and gave me an account of their Negotiation , which was this ; They told me they were first with Du-Val and examined him , who had fully confessed the Robbery , and told the Butchers of many particulars , which the Butchers themselves had acknowledged true , yet would not be convinced ; but that one of them especially ( which was Bellingham ) still persisted , saying , That the other men did the Robbery . What Du-Val said , they had put down in Writing , and they three had signed it ; but Du-Val being presently to be carried out to Execution , they said , they had not put him to sign it . They afterwards asked if Mac-Guy was still in Prison ? and because Du-Val had named him to have been one of the Company , they would examine him , and went up to him ; and first it seems they three went up by themselves ( which yet I do protest I knew not , till I heard it said at the Tryal in the King's-Bench , though I do not understand that they did ill in so doing , to see what temper he was in , being a condemned man , before they would bring the Butchers to him ) they do all three say , that they did not acquaint him with any of the particulars that Du-Val had declared , till he had acknowledged himself an Actor in the Robbery , confessed the whole business , and of himself told them many of the same passages which Du-Val had told before , he not knowing what Du-Val had said . It seems he was unwilling at the first to confess any thing , and said , he did not know the Butchers : and they said the like that they knew not him ; but upon their pressing him a second time to discharge his Conscience , he then confessed all , which they took in writing , and he put his hand to it . Both their Confessions ( Du-Vals and his ) I shewed to his Majesty , and they are inserted here Verbatim . The Examination and Confession of Du-Val , Prisoner in Newgate , taken by Sir George Charnock Knight , Mr. Andrew Blackwel , and William Sedgwick , immediatly before his Execution , being the 21 th of Ianuary 1666 / 7 , in the presence of Solomon Grace , Robert Simmons , Robert Bellingham and Edward Lawrence , all of the Parish of Edmondton in the County of Middlesex , Butchers ; concerning a Robbery committed on them at Totternol in the County of Bedford , by the foresaid Du-Val , with Walrond , Ashenhurst , Cassels , and Mac-Guy . When and where the said Du-Val confessed and said , That the said Robbery was committed by him and his above-named Companions ; and more particularly , That Solomon Grace aforesaid being shewen unto him , did ride with them about a mile , till coming to two little Houses at the bottom of the Hill , they left the said Solomon Grace watring his Horse , and returned up the Hill , where they met with the other three Butchers , one whereof fled upon the Plowed-Lands , whom the said Du-Val pursued upon a little gray Nag , but could not overtake him , because of the weakness of his horse , which he was forced to lead in his hand afterwards at least the space of twelve-score : In the mean while Ashenhurst robbed Simmons of twenty seven pounds , or thereabouts , part whereof was in odd money : And that from the other nothing was taken , but a girdle , and the bridle pulled off his Horses head : Which circumstances of the Action the aforesaid Simmons and Bellingham did then acknowledge to be true . And he further confesseth , That after this Robbery committed as aforesaid , he did perceive one of the two persons that were robbed , to ride hard towards Layton , which by the acknowledgment of Bellingham was himself . And the said Du-Val at the time of his Confession aforesaid did advise the afore-named Butchers , to be cautious how they prosecuted Innocent Persons ; declaring , that men of their Trade did not care how they swore against any man : For , a Robbery was committed by him on some other Butchers , and they had peremptorily changed it upon another person . And in the conclusion of his Confession he put on his Perriwig , affirming , that he was present at the Robbery in the same Perriwig so tyed up , and asked Bellingham if he knew him now ? Signed by us , G. Charnock . Andr. Blackwell . William Sedgwick . The Examination and Confession of Patrick Mac-Guy , Prisoner in Newgate , taken by Sir George Charnock Knight , Mr. Andrew Blackwell Gent. and William Sedgwick Citizen , the 21 th of Ianuary 1669 / 70 , concerning a Robbery committed by him , with the aforesaid Du-Val , Walrond , Ashenhurst , and Cassels , in the Parish of Totternol in the County of Bedford . Patrick Mac-Guy confesseth , and saith , That he was with the aforesaid Du-Val , Walrond , Ashenhurst and Cassels , at Totternol-Hill in the foresaid County , where they met with three persons , one whereof they robbed of about twenty seven pounds , of which twenty one pounds odd money was in a Wallet , which was taken by Ashenhurst , and had in it about thirty or forty shillings in Ninepences and Thirteen-pence-half-pennies : The other which he took out of his pocket Ashenhurst never discovered . One man made his escape , and the other had nothing taken from him . The time of the day , about three of the clock in the afternoon . That Bellingham had a green Rugg upon his Saddle : which be the said Bellingham confesseth . Simmons likewise confesseth , That there was odd money in the sum , but remembers not the quantity ; And that likewise in the Wallet there was Twenty pounds odd money ; and that above five pounds was taken out of his pocket . Mac-Guy further declares , That an old man kept them company about a mile to the foot of the Hill , where he watered his Horse ; And that they bid him Good Night old Man : Which Circumstance Solomon Grace and the other three acknowledged to be true , they being acquainted with it when the said Grace came to them . And the said Mac-Guy declared , he never was in other Robbery , but this and my Lord Grandison's . He asked Bellingham if he did not remember , That he told them , that he was a poor Grasier , and had no Money ? And Bellingham at first replied , No , he remembred no such thing ; but recollecting himself , told them , he said , he was a poor man , and had no money . Signed by us , G. Charnock . Andr. Blackwell . William Sedgwick . Signed , Patrick Magee . I appeal now to every mans Conscience that shall read these Confessions , if it can be believed , that any other , but these men that knew all these particulars , could be guilty of this Robbery ; and if it was possible that Sir George Charnock should have put all this into Mac-Guy's mouth , who did not only say the same things that Du-Val had said , but enlarged and confirmed them with many other Circumstances , which the Butchers themselves confessed and acknowledged to be true , and which Sir George Charnock could not know : As the Money taken , to have been , some in a Wallet , some in Simmons Pocket , and that the broken Money was part of that in the Wallet : This Du-Val had not specified , yet it is a great Confirmation of what he had said : Then one man to escape , which was Lawrence . That Bellingham had a green Rugg upon his Saddle , which Bellingham could not deny , but acknowledged to be true . That Solomon Grace watering his Horse at the foot of the Hill , they should say to him , Good night old man , which Du-Val had not said : So to tell what Bellingham said to them , which he acknowledged so far , as to confess , that he said , he was a poor man , and had no Money , though not that he was a poor Grasier , as Mac-Guy had said : which was no great mistake . Certainly none but they that were present and did the Fact , could discover these particularities . I shall now give an Account of my Transactions with Mr. Walrond , whom I thought fit to examine , after I had seen what the other two had said : And therefore went to the Gate-House , and spake with him there in the Kitchin , where the Lady Broughton , ( who hath the keeping of the Prison ) and the Turn-key were present , and heard all I said to him ; I asked him , if he knew any thing of the Robbery commited such a day at Totternol-hil : Of which I desired him but to tell me the truth ? His answer to me was this , My Lord , no body as yet hath come against me to accuse me , so I have not been indicted ; And if I should accuse my self , I might bring my self into trouble , and I have not yet my Pardon , which I hope I shall obtain of the Kings Mercy . I replied , Mr. Walrond , this I will promise you , that whatsoever you say to me shall not rise in judgment against you , it shall do you no hurt I do assure you ; I desire but to know the truth : for some Persons are accused of that Robbery , who I know are very Innocent : ( And whether or no I told him so much , as that Du-Val had confessed it , I do protest I do not remember , they may be asked that were present , the Lady and the Turn-key ( I have not spoken to them since , nor will I ) but I think I did not ; however if I had , I know not that any thing would have been amiss in it , if in general I had told him , that Du-Val had confessed it : ) His answer to me was , My Lord I will cast my self upon you and tell you all , and then did confess to me the whole matter , and told me many particulars . Then indeed I did say to him , that he had done well , and had told me but what I knew before , for both Du-Val and Mac-Guy had confessed the same things ; And as to his Pardon I did again assure him , that it should be no prejudice to it , happily it might be an advantage , for that I would endeavour all I could to help it forward : He afterwards at my desire put down in writing what he had said ; And I did move his Majesty for his Pardon , and got it passed for him , which I did for two ends ; One out of Charity , he had no Money to pay for it , and he deserved it for the discovery which he had made of that knot of Thieves Du-Val and his companions , some of whom were taken , and the knot thereby broken by his means : the other end was , that he might be Rectus in Curia , and appear a competent Witness , to discover the truth of that Robbery ; But he was so terrified at the Tryal with being threatned and told he had now confessed enough to be endicted for it , and perplexed with questions , that he knew not almost what he said , and left an impression ( I verily believe ) with most of the standers-by , that he was gained by me to take this Robbery upon him , meerly to save the French men at the Bar , himself not at all guilty of it . But how undeservedly that could be imputed to me , let my greatest Enemy be Judge , if this my Narrative be true , as I take the God of Truth to Witness , that it is true , I mean for matter of Fact , and for what I relate here , as said or done by me , and for my intention , that it was just and honest , without any Trick or Design , and all above-board , meerly to preserve Innocency , and that in Strangers , that wanted Language , Friends , and all other support and help to make their Innocency appear . I have always heard , that the Judge should be of Counsel with the Prisoner ; And that is one reason given , why he needs no other Counsel , and that the Law allows him none ; For the Judge upon the Bench ought to help him with his advice and direction , that he run not into any Inconvenience , by his ignorance of the Law , and of the Forms of Proceeding , and to take care that he be not circumvented and ruined by the Malice , Art , and Cunning of his Prosecutors , or by the Weakness and Simplicity of such Witnesses , as are produced to justifie and clear his Innocency , who many times have not Wit nor Elocution to tell their Tale so , as to make his Innocency and the Truth to appear . And certainly it is the duty of a Judge , and Justice is as much concerned , to preserve and deliver an Innocent Person , that is falsly accused and unjustly prosecuted , as to condemn and punish one that is really Criminous ; and that of the two is the more acceptable , and well-pleasing both to God and Man. These two Gentlemen were Strangers , that understood not the Language , either what was said to them by their Judges , or against them by their Accusers , or for them by their Witnesses ; And they had an Interpreter given them , a young Student that was there in Court , who did need an Interpreter himself : For no body understood a word he said , scarce when he spake English , he spake so low and unintelligibly , so as they were never the nearer to understand any thing that passed , though so much concerning them , even their Lives ; nor was there any care taken that they should understand any thing , the Interpreter not once bid to ask them a Question upon what was urged against them , to know what they would say to it . And commonly a Judge will call for the Examination taken upon the first Commitment of a Felon , and begin there ; But not a word of that , for that Examination would not have been authentick , not being taken upon Oath , nor they positively charged by those Butchers , who only said , One of them , That they were like the Men whom he saw upon the Road ; Simmons , That he believed they were the Men that robbed him ; And Bellingham himself no more but this , That he verily believed Adrian Lampriere was the Man that pulled the Bridle off his Horse-head : This was well known to be no sufficient ground for the Justice to send them to Gaol , clap Irons upon them , and put them into a room without light , with a little Straw to lie upon , more like Dogs , then Men , especially Gentlemen and Strangers : Nay , the second Examination was not produced neither , that which the Lord Chief-Justice took himself four or five dayes after , when he sent for those Butchers to London : For though two of them indeed had there taken their Oaths , and charged them positively , yet Solomon Grace , who at this Tryal in the Kings-Bench swore as stoutly as any , would not swear then . And another particular I observed , that the Butchers said in their Evidence , That these men were taken upon the Hue & Cry at Hatfield ; and it is very usual for a Judge upon a Bench , when Felons are apprehended upon such a Warrant , and brought to their Tryal , to call for that Warrant , to see the description there given of the Persons pursued and apprehended upon it , whether or no it agrees with the Prisoners at the Bar , which gives a great light to discover if they be the Men , and probably would have shewed that these were not ; Nothing of this neither , but with what intention neglected , I judge not . It is certain that the Prisoners were far from receiving any favour , the younger of the Gentlemen , Mr. Hoeville , who understood not any thing of all was done or said against him , and I believe not apprehending of what concernment it was to him , out of a childish Innocency hid his face and smiled a little , to see such a stir about him ; The Chief-Justice espyed it , and fell upon him severely for it , telling him he must not laugh there , and put the poor youth past laughing , who yet understood not what he said , only saw he was angry . The other Gentleman , Mr. Lampriere , when he was asked , What he had to say for himself , to what the Butchers had laid to his charge ( which yet was not interpreted and made known to him , nor did he at all know what it was , and yet was now to speak to it for his life ) began in his Language in French , to give some account of himself ; The Chief-Justice stopt him , and would not let him go on , but bade him answer to the particulars , and yet took no care to let him know what they were ; which was a great disheartning to him . And usually when any man , that is not known , is suspected of a crime and tryed for it , the Judge will in the first place inform himself what the man is , and whence , and of what conversation of life , and learn all particulars that concern him , as much as is possible ; which will be a great leading to his judgment of him , and of the matters that are brought against him ; but here neither the Prisoner could be permitted to give an account of himself , nor no body else must do it for him . And I think there was as much reason now to proceed with Circumspection , and to hear and examine , and well weigh all , for and against those Prisoners , as for any that had been tryed at that Bar of a great while ; There were Persons of Quality appeared in their behalfs , undertook largely for them ; That they were not Men to do such an Act , being of good Families in their own Country , Strangers , newly arrived here to see this Country , no wayes in need of Money , bringing with them sufficient to defray the charge of their Travels , so most unlikely they should begin here with Robbing upon the High-way : But further , there were those of good Credit , that did affirm upon their Credits , some upon their Salvation , and all of them ready to be deposed , that they could not be guilty of that Fact , for that they saw them , and spake to them here in London that day , and in that instant of time , that the Robbery was committed above thirty miles off in Bedfordshire ; so there was an impossibility of their being guilty of it . And who accused them ? Three mean Fellows , of no very good lives nor conversation ; and they Butchers , of no commendable Occupation to have to do with Mens Lives , either as Jury-men or Accusers ; and one of these as bold an impudent Fellow as ever I saw with my eyes , that is Bellingham : And more than all this , it was well known , That even His Majesty himself had a strong perswasion of their Innocency , and was desirous that all just Favour should be shewed unto them , and had Himself done all towards it depending upon Him , and the rather because they were Strangers , who were newly come into his Kingdom , and so had put themselves under his Protection ; and his Majesty had well considered the consequence , both as to the Reputation abroad of his Royal Justice and Good Government , and likewise for the Safety and Freedom of of his Subjects in Forreign Parts , who must have expected the same measure there . Certainly , all this laid together , me-thinks should have made one cautious how he entertained a prejudicate Opinion against them , and not to take advantage upon any Mistake , especially in Circumstances not at all material , As whether the Gentlemen landed and came to London the second , or the third of November ? Where they dined the Sunday before the day of the Robbery ? Whether it was Plowed-Land , or Stubble that the Butcher rode over , when he ran away from the Thieves , and they followed ? And because there was some disagreement in these particulars , which signified nothing to prove them either Innocent or Guilty , yet this was blown up to such a Magnitude of Contradiction , That the whole Testimony of those Witnesses must be overthrown by it . To say the truth , there was not the least colour of Guilt upon them . Therefore it is well , that their Tryal received so fair an Issue , answerable to their Innocency ; and that they were at last delivered from the Unjust and Malicious Prosecution of those Butchers : For had that Malice prevailed , and Innocency been oppressed ; and Strangers , who by the Law of Nations are to receive Favour and Protection , in lieu thereof had found here ▪ Injustice and undeserved Ruine , What would have followed upon it ? Our Government , and our Administration of Justice would have been a Reproach and a Hissing to Forreign Nations , and especially to our Neighbours of France , who would have hated and derided us for it , and perhaps have made the next English-man , that should come amongst them , pay for this piece of Injustice shewed to their Country-men : And what evil more might have ensued , how many unconcerned Innocent Persons have smarted for it , no man knows . But this I know , That even these two Gentlemen , however they may have seemed mean and despicable here , oppressed as they were , and persecuted in a strange Country , and put to a vast Charge and Expence , have yet Friends and Kindred in their own Country , who have courage enough to resent , and very likely it is that they would have resented such an Injury done to their Kinsmen here , and would have revenged it upon the next of the English whom they had found in France ; And as one Mischief brings on another , who can tell but it might have brought on a National Quarrel at last ? But God be thanked , there is now no Cause to apprehend these ill Consequences ; Justice hath prevailed , Innocency hath found Protection , and all Machinations and Contrivances against both Justice and Innocency , have been defeated , and the Parties wronged have received some Reparation for the Injuries , which were then offered unto them . For those Gentlemen have since brought their Action against the Butchers for their Unjust and Malicious Prosecution of them , and have recovered Four Hundred Pounds Dammages in the Court of Common-Pleas before the Lord Chief-Justice Vaughan : And I have made my Complaint to the House of Peers of the Lord Chief-Justice Keeling his ( as I thought ) unfitting Expressions and Carriage in relation to me , particularly for laying to my Charge a foule Contrivance in the carriage of this business , ( as I then understood it , and I do believe all that heard him when those words were uttered by him ; but he hath since denied that he meant it of me , so I am satisfied : ) And their Lordships have called him before them , and after hearing us both , have adjudged him to make me a Satisfaction , ( which he hath accordingly made ) as is expressed in their Order of Friday the 10 th of March 1670 , entred upon Record in their Journal-Book , with which I shall conclude . The Record is as followeth : Dié Veneris , decimo Martii , 1670. THis day the Lord Holles produced several Witnesses to be examined concerning his Complaint ( in his Petition ) of several Indignities put upon him by the Lord Chief-Iustice of the Court of Kings-Bench , at the Tryal of some French-Gentlemen in the said Court of Kings-Bench , who were there falsly accused of a Robbery by four Butchers in Easter-Term last ; After the hearing of which Witnesses , the Lord Chief-Iustice made his defence , and denyed , that he intended any thing against the Lord Holles , when he spake those words at the said Tryal , [ That it was a foule Contrivance &c. ] as in the Petition is set forth : To which Defence the Lord Holles made a short Reply , and then voluntarily withdrew himself , and the Lord-Chief-Iustice withdrew himself also . Upon which the House took the whole matter into serious consideration , and ordered , That the Lord Chief-Iustice should be called to his place as a Iudge , and openly ( in the presence of the Lord Holles ) the Lord-Keeper should let him know , That this House is not satisfied with his carriage towards the Lord Holles in this business , and therfore hath Ordered , that he should make this Acknowledgment , which is to be read by the Clerk , as followeth , That he did not mean it of the Lord Holles when he spake those words , [ That it was a foul Contrivance ] and that he is sorry that by his behaviour or expressions he gave any occasion to interpret those words otherwise ; and asks the Pardon of this House , and of the Lord Holles . Then the Lord Chief-Iustice of the Court of King's-Bench was called to his place ( the Lord Holles being also present ) the Lord-Keeper performed the directions of the House , and the Lord Chief-Iustice read the Acknowledgment abovesaid , onely changing the style into the first person . John Browne , Cleric . Parliamentorum . And this being the true state of the whole Business , I do appeal to all Mankind to judge , if there was any colour of Truth in that Accusation of the French-Gentlemen by these Butchers , if in the least degree they were deserving such a Prosecution , and much less the thing aimed at by that Prosecution , the taking away of their Lives ; And if I , by endeavouring ( as I did ) their Assistance and Preservation , deserved any blame either for the Matter or Manner of it . FINIS . 
A42233	----	Lavernæ, or, The Spanish gipsy the whole art, mystery, antiquity, company, noblenesse, and excellency of theeves and theeving : with their statutes, laws, customes, practices, varieties, and differences, also their originall, rise, and beginning, of what parents, education and breeding the author was : with a pleasant discourse hee had in prison with a most famous theefe, and also his last disgrace, being a work no lesse curious than delectable / first written in Spanish by Don. Garcia ; now in English by W.M. Desordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. English Garcia, Carlos. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A42233 of text R177476 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing G212). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 193 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 144 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A42233 Wing G212 ESTC R177476 19525987 ocm 19525987 108986 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A42233) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 108986) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1688:4) Lavernæ, or, The Spanish gipsy the whole art, mystery, antiquity, company, noblenesse, and excellency of theeves and theeving : with their statutes, laws, customes, practices, varieties, and differences, also their originall, rise, and beginning, of what parents, education and breeding the author was : with a pleasant discourse hee had in prison with a most famous theefe, and also his last disgrace, being a work no lesse curious than delectable / first written in Spanish by Don. Garcia ; now in English by W.M. Desordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. English Garcia, Carlos. W. M. (William Melvin) [11], 253 [i.e. 271], [1] p. : ill. [s.n.], London printed : 1650. Translation of author's La desordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. Running title: The antiquitie of theeves. "Imprimatur Thomas Weekes. Februarie 5, 1637"--P. [1] at end. Numerous errors in paging. Woodcut frontispiece opposite t.p. Reproduction of original in the British Library. eng Thieves -- Fiction. Rogues and vagabonds -- Fiction. A42233 R177476 (Wing G212). civilwar no Lavernæ, or The Spanish gipsy: the whole art, mystery, antiquity, company, noblenesse, and excellency of theeves and theeving: with their st García, Carlos, doctor 1650 35823 21 0 0 0 0 0 6 B The rate of 6 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. 2007-01 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2007-01 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2007-03 Jason Colman Sampled and proofread 2007-03 Jason Colman Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion LAVERNAE , OR THE SPANISH GIPSY : The whole Art , Mystery , Antiquity , Company , Noblenesse , and Excellency of THEEVES and THEEVING : With their Statutes , Laws , Customes , Practises , Varieties , and Differences : Also their Originall , Rise , and Beginning , of what Parents , Education , and Breeding the AUTHOR was : With a pleasant Discourse hee had in Prison with a most famous THEEFE . And also his last disgrace : being a work no lesse Curious then Delectable . First written in Spanish , by Don. Garcia : Now in English by W. M. London , Printed not in New gate , 1650. The Preface to the Reader . MEns naturall inclination is alwayes prone and addicted to so great rashnesse , that though vice of it selfe is so abominable & blame-worthy , notwithstanding there be too many who openly praise it , and account it their honour to practise it . Thence it cōmeth to passe that theft , being a pernicious vice and forbidden by the Lawes , doth not cease to be followed by many , who to defend themselves from the reproaches which may be laid against them , alleage that the Lacedemonians a people very severe and just , permitted the use thereof to their youth ; that the Aegyptians held those for able men that could steal best . That for the same subject the Poets in their writings have bragged of the subtilty of Mercurius , and of the cunning of the goddesse Laverna who was the Theeves Patronesse . Briefly , that this profession is made commendable by the crafty trickes of many that have exercised it , such as were Prometheus the father of Deucalion , Cacus and Autolicus , the one the son of Vulcan and the other of Mercurie , Arsaces King of the Parthians , Denis Tyrant of Sicilie , The Emperour Nero , Leo sonne of Constantine Copronimus , Fulvius , Flaccus Censor , Ninus King of Aegipt , to whom Iustin ascribeth the invention of so fine a trade , and a great many others with whō the books of Authors are filled . To which we may adde , that even the most understanding men are not free from this vice , if it be certaine ( as saith Simplicius ) that the Prince of the Peripatetiques ( Aristotle ) stole that which he hath from the most excellent of those that went before him . That Virgil drew all his richest inventions from Homor , Hesiod and Theocritus , and that Cicero boldly furnisht himselfe with the doctrine of the Stoiques Academiques and Epicures . But for all this , it cannot be but that naturall reason must put downe all these vaine opinions , because according to Aquinas , Theft is quite cōtrary to that love which we owe to our Neighbours , and with-all to Gods Law and mans Law . And to this effect beside that in Exodus and Leviticus it is expresly forbidden , it is yet also detested by the Apostle S. Paul , where speaking to the Ephesiant he saith , Let him that stole steale no more : but let him rather labour and worke with his hands . Also the people of old taking notice of this truth ordained against Theeves severall sorts of punishments , especially the Grecians & the Athenians , as Ludovicus Vives doth very wel observe , who saith that the Emperor Frederick the third was the first that condemned them to the Gallies : Ovid speakes to this purpose that Scyron one of the renowned Theeves of his time was thrown head-long into the sea by Theseus , Procrustes kill'd by Hercules and Sysiphus cut in peeces . Virgil that Pedant Balista was stoned for his thefts ; and the divine Arious , that the King Agrement caused Brunellus the cunningest Thiefe that ever was to be hang'd for having boldly stollen Angelicus Ring and Scripants horse . I passe all the other examples that I might alleage : to tell you in a word , good Reader , that this booke discourseth not here so much of the Antiquitie of Theeves and of their cunning slights , as to teach thee to eschew them , for if it be true that the wounds of Darts which are foreseene from farre , are not so hurtfull as those which are shot at us unawares . I assure my selfe that the Reader will use it as an instrument to avoide the snares which leud fellowes ordinarily lay for honest men , Farewel . THE ANTIQIVTIE OF THEEVES CHAP. I. In which the Author compareth the miseries of Prison to the paines of Hell . THe terror of Hell which is set forth to us in holy Writings , doth so resemble to us the miseries which are endured in prison , that if this had not that hope which th'other wanteth we might attribute unto it the title of a true Hell , seeing that in this which is most proper to them , the one and the other haue a mutuall and full correspondence , which maketh me to wonder much at the vnprofitable diligence with which some late writers distill their brain 's to finde the meanes how they may properly represent unto the world the horrour of that terrible mansion , when they might have attained to the end of their purpose in shewing onely the desperate life which people suffer in prison , which shall be perfitly knowne with its extreame miserie , if first of all we particularly treate of the torments which are perpetually exercised in Hell . The Authors , who write upon this subject , bring the paines of Hell to two points ; the first and chiefe of which is their depriving from the essence of God , which they call essentiall paine , it being that , which properly containeth all the torments that can be imagined in Hel. And that same is so extreame and so cruell , that if the soule had in the other world as many pleasures and contentments as the thought of man could imagine , being deprived of God , it could not have any thing which had one onely shadow of comfort . Because that God being the roote and the fountaine of all goodnesse , and all contentments and delights , which are in the world being stored up in him alone , it is evident that with him the soule shall have all consolation which is possible to be imagined and that without him it shall be plunged into a bottomlesse depth of sorrow & confusion , with which and with the certainty that it hath , that its griefes shall never be ended , it curseth its being , its birth and its life . The other paine which the damned suffer in Hell is the accidentall paine , so called because it is joyned to the former as an accident , which serveth to make the apprehension of the damned more sensible , throwing them headlong into the bitter sight of their miserie . To this is joyned the detestable companie of Divells , the horrible and frightfull lodging , the severall kindes of torments , the continuall lamentations , the disorder , the confusion , the fire , the brimstone , the darkenesse and a thousand other afflictions , of which , and of the depriving of Gods being and presence , that wretched and perpetuall Hell is composed . And as touching the varietie of officers , that beare rule in this darke dungeon ; wee know already that in that great battell which Saint Michael th'Archangell had against Lucifer , for the throne and the glory of the Creator , not onely the same Lucifer fell from Heaven , and from the highest of his perfection to the lowest and hollowest gulfes of Hell ▪ but also a great number of evill angells with him , who were copartners with him in his rash and accursed purpose . And these although they do equally partake with him in the paine essentiall , which is being deprived of God , have neverthelesse some difference amongst themselves : whether it be that everyone is of one kind , as saith a Doctor of the Church , or whether for that they had more or lesse consent in his malice . Because that without doubt those who obstinatly defended the pride of Lucifer fell with him into the deepest place of the earth which is the center of the the world where divines doe place Hell . And those who were not so vehement ; but onely approved his purpose with a certaine and determinate fellow-liking , fell not so low : I will say that the accidentall paine of them was not so great as that of these others . And of this sort the accidentall paine of these spirits was made severall according to the degrees of the malice which they had in their sinne . And though that in Hell there is no order , as Iob saith ; there is notwithstanding a certaine government and order among these spirits vnder-placed and divided into severall companies with diverse degrees and qualities . So as the good Angells in the heavenly Ierusalem are divided by their order into Angells , Archangells , Thrones , Powers , Cherubins , Seraphins , and other holy dignities . All the Legions of Divels which fell from Heaven remained subject to the Archangell Michael , who hath commandement and empire overthem all . As also according to some mens opinions , every good Angell of Princes hath commandement over one Legion . And beside the obedience which all of them owe to Saint Michael , as to their Captaine Generall vnder God , they have also among them their Prince of malice , to whom they are subject and obey , and upon him depend diverse Lievetenants and Governors , who wholly divide the governement of all the hellish malice , every one of them having vnder his charge the disposing and good order of his band . Neither lesse nor more than in a well ordered Campe , where there is a great multitude of Souldiers , the body of the armie is divided into severall Regiments , as are the Generall , the Camp-master , Captaines , Ensignes , Sergeants , Corporalls and others of this sort , who order the Souldiers and the armie . And as there are sundry Offices of these , some being foote , others horse , some Musqueters , others Pikemen , and finally of severall employments : there are also among the evill spirits severall Offices and places , some tempting by Covetousnesse , others by Riotousnesse , others by Ambition , and finally , every particular sinne hath its appointed and determinate Officers , having all of them equally ; one onely end and scope to carrie soules to Hell . In this Divellish armie there are some Divels , that never come out of Hell , but are evermore shut up within it , receiving the soules which enter in thither , and giving to them a place and kinde of torment which their sinnes deserve . There are others who are ever wandring , compassing the earth to and fro , and searching for soules to carrie them into Hel. Neverthelesse let no man thinke that these have any power or authoritie to beare away one soule to Hell , nor these others to shut up in their darke dennes , vnlesse it be by the expresse commandement and particular commission of God . And so much concerning these hellish Officers . As for its largenesse , it is such , that all sorts of sinfull soules enter into Hell , and it is ordinarily full fraughted and peopled with Blasphemers , Perjur'd persons , Murtherers , Adulterers , Envious persons , and to conclude with all sorts of Evill-doers : who although they have in common the essentiall paine , which is the wanting of God , and are all of them in Hell , yet they have severall roomes and torments according to everie ones deferving , sithence it is certaine that the paine of him that oweth little shall not be so great at all as the paine of him that oweth much , and that the just Iudge chastiseth and recompenseth every one according as he deserveth . To all this varietie is added the extreme confusion of Hell , the disorder , the vnquietnesse , the vnrulie cariage ; and continualagitation , with which they are alwaies tormented , seeing it is evident , that where rage and despaire reigneth , there can be no friendly fellowship nor agreement . This estate , practise & disposition of the horrible pit of this hellish lodging is the lively pourtraict of that desperate life , which men suffer in prison , in which the beholder shal find so in tire & so mutuall a correspondence that there is not almost any other difference between them but in the name . Because that first to the essentiall paine of Hel , which is the depriving of Gods powerful presence , the want of liberty hath correspondence , which with a just title we may cal a paine essentiall , for so much as it is the queen of al the apprehēsions & motives of sorrow , which are able to afflict a good wit . And as in that , the soule being deprived of God , it is also deprived of all worldly pleasures , even so in this ( to wit in prison ) it enjoyeth not any thing which hath the least shadow of content . Because that although a prisoner were clothed with purple , served as a King , fed with the most delicate vitailes of the world , his Chamber hang'd with cloth of gold , that hee were entertained with all sort of Musicke , visited by his parents and friends , all this , nor all that could be desired more could bring him any kinde of comfort . On the contrary he should have lesse , because that all things availe nothing but to awaken his appetite and make him desire that which others enjoy , and to which he cannot attaine . Whence proceedeth the increasing of his want ( of libertie ) and consequently his paine . The harshnesse and force of depriving ( of libertie ) may be easily , known by its contrarie , this being infallible that the depriving of one thing shall be by so much evill as the possession of it shall be good . And libertie being the most precious Iewell of the soule , and the greatest perfection , which the vnbounded Author of this , hath engrafted in the reasonable creature ; it is certaine that the depriving thereof shall be the most crosse and vnsufferable of all others . That libertie is that which guideth and directeth mans actions to diverse ends , without enforcing them and with pleasure , choosing , and commanding , experience teacheth this , in which the supreme work-master would distinguish man from other living creatures , whose end obtaineth by a naturall instinct , which leadeth them , as by a bridle , to the appetite and delight in it , and that it is so powerfull , and maketh man so absolute , that his vnderstanding having proposed the good , the perfect , the honest and the delectable , he may resolve with himselfe to love it or not to love it at all , sith that none but God may aske a reason of this so absolute commandement , Naturall Philosophie telleth it . Whence and from many other reasons , which I could bring , it is clearely perceived that there is not any thing in the world , to which the essentiall paine of Hell can more properly be compared , than to the depriving of libertie , seeing it bringeth man to such extremitie , that he abhorreth himselfe , his being , his ranke , and his estate . He knoweth well this truth which I write , who hath sometimes beene in prison , laded with chaines and with irons , subject to the rage of that terrible abode , cursing ( though Noble and well borne ) his being , his condition and Noblenesse , grieving to be that which he is , and wishing to be a great deale meaner . In midst of which despaire hee envieth the peaceable condition and tranquillity , of the Commons , and could wish to have beene borne of the most base dregs of the people . He curseth his actions and his studies , the points of honour which his parents taught him , the vnderstanding which he hath , thinking with himselfe , that if he were a privat man , he should not at all see himselfe in so miserable and so extreame a perplexitie , and that this would not be litle enough for him , if despaire left him amongst the folke of that same sort and nature : but it goeth on refining and consuming him in the fire of impatience , in such sort , that it draweth him out of his reasonable being , and bringeth him to that of a brute beast , and to the most base and infinite kindes of them , that groaning for libertie , he envieth the bird that flieth , the Dog that barketh , the Pismire that travelleth , and desireth to be one of them . And the venome of this fierce beast stayeth not there , for tying harder the cords of a poore prisoner , it draweth him out of the ranke and file of living creatures , making him desire to be a tree , an image or a stone , bringing him to nothing , and making him bewaile that ever hee was borne in the world . By which it is clearely seene that the want of liberty making so unhappy a change in man , as to throw him headlong from the highest & most perfect of his inclination and appetite , to the basest and lowest , and from the image and likenesse of God , to nothing ; this is the most strong and most rigorous paine that can be imagined , and that which truely doth better represent the essential paine of Hell . To the accidentall paine doe correspond the innumerable afflictions and calamities , which follow the depriving of libertie , amongst which are the stinke of the prison , the disorderly frame of the buildings , the defamed companie , the continuall and huge lewd voices , the diversitie of nations , the differing humors , the shame , the persecution , the disgrace , the mocquerie , the crueltie , the blowes , the torments , the poverty and the miseries without number , which are suffered in prison , of the which , and of other depriving of libertie the lively patterne of Hell is framed and composed . As touching the executioners and officers , no man will deny but that all the earth is full of incarnat Divells , more obstinate and more accursed in their kinde than those of Hell , the most part of them being fallen , as Lucifer and his followers , from the Heaven of honour . I will say that for the deserving , and sinnes which they have committed , the Angell Saint Michael , who is the Iustice , hath drawne them from the fellowship and dwelling of the good , and they seeing themselves beaten downe and dishonoured , have taken vpon them the office of Divels , to avenge themselves of the poore innocent soules , running day & night thorow the streets , markets and publike places of the Citie , smelling out and searching for people to lay them in prison . And these are they who commonly are called Sergeants , who drag a poore man to prison with such rage and tyrannie , as these in the perpetuall Hell could not utter more . And if we be able to find any difference betweene them , it is this , that the Divells of Hell fly from the signe of the Crosse ; but those of the prison love , reverence and adore that happy signe , in such sort , that hee who would deale well with them , and somewhat turne their rigour into a litle pitie , it is necessarie that hee have alwayes the Crosse in his hands , for at what time hee shall leave it , they will torment him ten times more than his sinne can deserve : but they having met with him , they say a Pater noster for the soule which they take , untill they come to da nobis hodie , and they goe not at all any further . These Divells are those who walke commonly through the streetes , and places of the Citie , seeking for soules in the most secret corners , the multitude and trade of whom is so great , that I doe not thinke there are mote Legions of Divels in Hell , than there be Sergeants in the Common-wealth . Amongst them there be some that goe on horsebacke , who have charge to travell into the Countrey , unto places farre remote from the Citie , and to bring men into prison from places most solitarie and quiet . These , for that they being of a more haughtie nature than the others , we may call Orientalls from the Region of fire , and these are called Archers or Messengers , the Legion or companie of whom hath for their Chieftaine or Captaine a great Divell whom they call Provest . There are other Divels in this Hell , the inferiors of the aforenamed , who goe ordinarily by tens or twenties in a companie , disguised and masked , to spie if they can catch one poore soule by treacherie , they are so cowardly so effeminate and dastardly , that they meete sometimes to the number of fortie and all to take one man , and yet they dare not adventure to take him their selves alone , without the assistance and aide of a Divell with a long gown , who vsually accompanieth them . They goe alwayes atter'd , torne and naked , and this is the lowest and most infinite Legion of all as the Hob-goblins vnder ground , whom the people have beene accustomed to call Apparitors . Every Legion of these Divells have an infinite number of halfe-divells who goe disguised and covered through the Citie , taking notice of all that is done there , with great subtiltie and craft . They take and change every day a thousand formes and shapes , shewing themselves in every companie in a severall manner ; at one occasion going like countrey-men , in an other like strangers , by & by of one profession , and by and by of another . These are they who with great sleight and subtiltie discover the price , after the same manner as the lying dogs doe the partridges , bringing the aforesaid Divels to the proper place of the soule , which they would take , and pointing it out as with the finger : and these we call Spies , and amongst them they are called Recorders . There be other Divels , who are esteemed more noble and more courteous , whose office is to repeale penalties , commissions , requests , to baile a soule , and to take the burthen on themselves , answering for it every time that the Iudge asketh for it . And though it be in their keeping , they give it alwayes time and place to solicite its owne affaires , to visite its Iudges , and to pleade its cause , vsing with it some pitie and friendship . Finally they have a nature mingled with goodnesse and malice , and they are betweene Divels and Angels , whom by reason of the familiaritie which they have with man , wee may call them Airie Divells ; and these the common people call doore-keepers . All these aforesaid divels , & others whom I leave to mention for avoiding prolixitie , are found in the world , every one of whom goeth severall waies , leading soules into the Hell of prison , & all of them , after the manner of evil spirits are divided into divers Legions and troopes . Yet notwithstanding they torment not the soules because they enter not into Hell themselves , onely they deliver them to Lacifers Lievetenant the Iayler , & returne incontinent vnto their walke ; for to give up their account to their Captaine , of the tentations which they have practized that day , and of the number of soules which they have carried that day to prison , every one of them reckoning up the inventions & wiles which he hath practized in his hellish Office . There be also other divells which never go out of the prisō , nor have any other imployment , but to torment the poore soules which enter in thither . And those are so tyrannous , so cruel & so wicked , that they satisfie not their inraged hunger but by sucking the bloud , & the life of the poore captive that fals among their hands ▪ albeit they suffer him to breath so long ; while they have emptied his purse . And these be the under porters & servants of the Iayler , who , as a President of that dreadfull dwelling , receives the prisonner from the hands of the Sergeant and writes in his booke the day of his entring , his accusation , his name and the name of that Divell that hath taken him . These shut-up Divells have no power nor authoritie to torment a soule which the others do bring in , nor these others to take them , but by the command of Iustice declared by some honourable Officer , who with reason and truth by a signed writing chargeth these uncleane spirits to take such a soule . As for the rest it may well be proved that every Sergeant hath power to leade a man to prison , even so as every Divell may beare a soule to Hell , seeing that there ordinarily entreth thither an infinite number of prisoners , and every one imprisoned by his severall Iudge : some answer before a Iudge with a long gown , others before one with a short gown , without reckoning , many other officers of Iustice , who as good Angels have authoritie and power to exercise it , who have their appointed and praticular Divels , who execute their commandment and will . As touching the diversitie of the lodgings and places of their abode , the curious shall see many differing in the prison , every one fitted for the prisoners delight . For hee who is not criminall , and who is Noble is usually lodged in the lightsomest chambers and neatest contrived : but understand that the Noblenesse of a prison consisteth in a good purse . Those that be of a meaner qualitie & deserving are fitted in certain darke & black chambers , where smoke and cinders continually bearesway . The prison hath yet this property of Hel , to take in all sort of sinners & criminals , being usually peopled , and full of Theeves , Russians , Cut-purses , Panders , Whoores , Murtherers , Perjured men , Bankrupts , Cheaters , Usurers , & Sorcerers , in as great varietie as the living creatures that entered into Noahs Arke , so that entry is not denied nor the gate shut against any . Of this remarkeable variety the confused multitude of a prison is composed with a thousād other circumstances which accompanie it , which because it is altogether disorderly & without bounds I shal not be able to reduce it to one terme or name , nor to give it a definition which Universally comprehendeth all the miseries of this dreadfull dwelling , if the curious Reader will not be contented with the Analogie and proportion which it hath with the perpetuall Hell . The which being supposed as a thing most proper to a prison , we shall be able to describe it by its properties & by experience , saying , that a prison is no other thing but a land of calamitie , a dwelling of darkenes , a habitation of miserie or an eternall horrour inhabited without any kind of order . It is a confused Chaos without any distinction , it is a bottomles pit of violence which hath nothing that is in its own center , it is a tower of Babylon where all speake and none heare , it is a medley against nature , in which is seene the peace and agreement of two contraries , mingling the Noble with the infamous , the rich with the poore , the civill with the criminall , the sinner with the just , it is a communaltie with agreement ; one whole by accident , a composition without parts , a Religion without orders or Lawes , and a body without a head . The prison is the grave of Noblenesse , the banishment of courtesie , the poyson of honour , the center of infamie , the quintessence of disparagement ; the hell of good wits , the snare of pretences , the paradise of cousenage , the martyrdome of innocence , the cloude of truth , the treasure of despaire the fining-pot of friendship , the wakener of rage , the baite of impatience , the mine of treasons , a den of Foxes , the refuge of vengeance : the punishment of force , and the headsman of life . There he that yesterday was great , to day is meane ; hee that was happy in the City , now starveth there ; he that was richly clad , is starke naked , he that commanded , obeyeth ; he that had his court full of caroches and rich saddles , findeth not now one more to visite him . There civilitie is turned into insolence , courage to subtiltie ▪ shamelesse outfacing into vertue , blasphemie into valour , flattery into eloquence lyes to truth , silence to noise modestie to boldnesse , knowledge to ignorance , and order to confusion : And to end the miserie of that unluckie place : I conclude in saying that it is a forrest-full of wilde beasts , in which the one teareth the other , eating his heart and drinking his bloud , so that no scruple of conscience , feare of God , suspition of love , compassion or other respect whatsoever which can have any shadow of vertue or of goodnesse is able to hinder them . There one weepeth and another singeth , one prayeth and another blasphemeth , one sleepeth , another walketh , one goeth out , another commeth in , one is condemned , another absolved , one payeth , another demandeth , and finally one shall hardly finde two of one exercise and will . One will be eating in a corner , another will pisse behind him : and in the middle of them another shall pull off his shirt and strip himselfe starke naked . Every one is imployed in his particular exercise , they not having any other houre or time appointed for that save their will , which being disordered , free in its actions , produceth them without any let or shame . In that which concerneth the sustenance of life , there is no order kept there among them , because that hunger is their appetite , their time of meales alwayes , their table the bare board , their sawce the nastinesse and filthy stinke , and their musicke sneesing and belchings . The hangings of their chambers are all mourning , with some borders of spiders-cloth ( cobwebs ) , their seates the ground or some stone greased with two inches of fat Bacon . The Dishes where they eate are alwayes enemies to cleanlinesse , to serve for a pot-lid and other vses more base , and for spoones they are served with five fingers spotted like I asper , and having their nailes of a huge length . As for their drinke , the industrie of man teacheth them to make a pit in the top of their Hat , and to drinke in it more grease than wine . And if peradventure there be found among them a pot or kettle , it shall be , according to the order and custome of the prison , batter'd without a handle , nor without vernish , and hath past the first yeare of apprentiship , and hath beene vsed in the most base offices , serving for a pisse-pot , for a Flagon , for a vineger bottle , for an oile-pot and a bason . As for napkins , they take their skirts , or the outside of their breeches , and for a table-cloth the wrongside of a poore old cloake , threed-bare and fuller of Beasts than that linnen cloth which S. Peter saw in Damascus . In their garments they keepe a great uniformitie , going all of them clothed after the manner of Lent , and with S. Austins habite , but so tatter'd and pucker'd , and so fitted to the passions and necessities of their bodies , so that without breaking their cod-piece point they want not a perpetuall loosenesse to satisfie their flux of the belly . They live Apostollically , withoutscrip without staffe and without shooes , having nothing superfluous nor double : contrariwise there is so great simplicitie that they cover all their body with one only shirt , whereof many times they have no more save the sleeves , and they never leave it off till it can go alone of its owne accord . If Momus should come into the prison he could finde nothing to reprove them for , because one may see them to the very intralls . The combe , tooth-pickers , brush , handkerchiefe , looking-glasse , sope-balls are banisht from this place : of which povertie groweth so great an abundance that in their head , beard , stomack & flanck●s a camell might be hidden . We cannot say that there is any kinde of vices in the prison , because that idlenesse the mother of them hath no entrie there , because they are all carefull and watchfull to search for that which is necessarie for life : and their overplus time they spend in exercising themselves on diverse instruments of Musicke having the itch for the Mistresse of that vertue . They have also their appointed houres for the military Art , in the which they fight with their bodily enemies , whence they retire evermore with the victorie , bearing continually for triumph & trophees the bloud on their nailes . They live in Evangelicall hope never troubling themselves with the care of that which they should eate or drinke to morrow . Their ordinarie comfort is the faith and hope which they have to come out of prison one day , and put an end to their miseries . With this comfort they live , ever dying , putting cataracts and deceiveable imaginations before the eyes of their reason . And if by chance the time of their imprisonment endeth , and Iustice giveth assent that some one of them goe forth , then the Divell is so carefull and so watchfull troubling and quelling his libertie , that it seemeth to him there are no gates through which hee can get out . One withholds him asking a debt thirtie yeares old , another the succession of one of his grandfathers , and another sheweth a band more ancient than the deluge . And when his diligence and meanes have delivered him from his enemies without , these within doores begin to thunder out another song , for one demandeth of him five shillings which he lent him eleven months ago , another that should pay for a pot which he brake to him , another draweth forth a bill of reckoning , asking him for ten eggs and a sallet which he paid for him . This man demandeth that he should pay him the good-morrow's which he hath given him , another the good nights , one askes his Cap , another his Doublet , another his Shooes and all lay hold upon him . And when he escapeth this importunate swarm of Bees , these tunes begin to deafe his eares ; the Iayler demands of him the rights of the prison , his entrance , his going forth , and the time that he hath tarried there , for his sleeping , his talking , his eating , his sneesing and his coughing , and all the time that he hath lived within there , making more scores in his booke than an Astrologer on the erecting of an Horoscope . And when he hath given him that which he demands of him without reason , he askes his gloves , his Iayle fees , his slippers , his old shooes and a coife for the maide-servant . The Dog askes him to pay for his watching and barking that he hath kept for him while he slept , the Cat for the paines she hath taken to cleare his chamber from Mice and Rats , one pulls him on this side and another on that , and all catch hold of him like briers , while they have left him dry , pluckt bare , throng'd and as naked as his mother bare him . This in briefe termes , is the miserable practise of this living patterne of Hell , withall its circumstances , in every one of which there is matter enough to make a long and profound discourse . That the Reader may bethinke himselfe hereof , that being affrighted at the hardnesse thereof , he may avoide the dangerous inconveniences which are presented every day to a man as long as he is at libertie : for if he fall once into the Divels hands , and be forced to passe through the wicket of Hell , though his cause were his protector , he should waite for S. Michael ; and if Iustice were his protector , he should ever remaine burnt with the marke of Hell , into which who so once entereth , hee leaueth the best thing that he hath amongst Pluto's h●nds . And albeit that hee enter there fuller and richer than the Queene of Saba when she came to see King Salomon , he shall come forth more lanke , more drie and more feeble than the seven kine that Pharaoh saw in his dreames . ( *⁎* ) CHAP. II. Of a pleasant discourse which the Author had in Prison with a famous Theife . TO the end that none be deceived with this proverbe which most men hold for a Maxime , when they say , That all noveltie is well pleasing ; because that albeit Logicke should not condemne this proposition as false , experience would discover its deceit : for I doe not thinke that there is any one in the world that hath found the prison pleasant , even at the first time that he entred therein . I may say of my selfe , that when I was there , though it was new to me I found not any thing that I liked ; on the contrarie , the pleasure which novelties bring with them was turned into notable admiration and extreame paine , seeing that which willingly I would not have seene , and talking of that which least pleased me . I spent the first dayes even as all those , who enter into that place have beene accustomed to passe them , which is to consider the lodgings , to be vexed at the companie , and to shun the familiar conversing with the prisoners . And I might have past all the time of my imprisonment in such like employment , if it had lien in my power to do it , because that the companie invited me not to acquaint my selfe . But the necessitie being accompanied with exceeding great curiositie which prisoners have , when any one entereth newly into prison , tied me to frame my selfe to the usuall fashion of these people , from whom I had a sufficent report of the subjects and qualities of that habitation , without other paines-taking than to give them the hearing , because that by it a discreete man shall know moe sins in foure dayes than a Confessor in a hundreth yeares . In the conclusion with a faire shew and some pieces that I had in my purse I purchased the good will of all the rable , in such sort , that there was not any man of what ranke soever who did not esteem much of me , & participated not with me the most inward of his conscience . But the continuall companie of this tedious conversation troubled me , in such sort that I was not mine owne , nor had I the libertie to spend one quarter of an houre by my selfe alone . So lessayed by a thousand meanes to ridde my selfe from the head-strong importunities of those undiscreet people , but it was not possible for me to free my selfe , without taking the office that I had got over them . Wherefore I was desirous to trie , if in this martyrdome , seeing I deserved no such thing , I could finde some pleasure to divert my minde and entertaine them . So continuing my no lesse accustomed than troublesome occupation , sitting one day upon a bench which was in the Chappell of the prison , in the companie of three or foure of these gallants , hearing some difficulties , whereof they were come to consult with mee upon the ten Commandements , I heard the Echo of a sorrowfull voyce , which called me pitifully . All the standers by were amazed ; one of them ranne to be informed of this vnlooked forn ewes , but the speedy hast of him , which sought for me , prevented the curiositie of him who was gone out to know the newes ; for scarsly had we heard the voyce , when after it , entred at the doore one of my religious followers ( held in great esteeme amongst those people who were none of the holiest ) with his colour changed , his visage bathed with teares , without a Hat , his armes crossed , sighing and beseeching with great humilitie the companie , that they would let him be alone with me , amplifying his request by the shortnesse of time , as the principall remedy of mishap . They departed the place , and he seeing himselfe alone and with freedome to discover his thoughts to me , without any other preface , preamble , advertisement or courtesie , he said to me . Sir , to day is my feast day , and they have made me a gift of a clarke of a harbour , with a Cardinalls Hat : what remedie shall I be able to finde for so great a mischiefe . Verily this darke speech of his words , together with the manner of telling it , held mee somewhat in doubt , because I knew not how to comment upon so vncouth a language followed with so many sighes and groanes . Neverthelesse making a little stay at these words and already guessing that which it might be , I beleeved that he had got this hat at some pot of wine , and that out of the abundance thereof this noble dignitie had climed up to the head . So smiling I said to him : My friend , the Post that hath brought you this newes , is he of a douzen or of twentie ? It is not of twelue , nor offoure , unhappy man that I am ! answered he , for I am not drunke , nor ever was I in all my lifetime , and would to God that all the world were so retired in this action as I am : but as the Proverbe saith , some have the name , the others have the effect . And you doe not well to make a poore unhappie wretch that askes your counsell in his extreame affliction . His answer to the purpose redoubled my astonishment , and not being able to hit at that which this might meane , I said to him somewhat in anger ; Make an end then to relate to me the cause of your paine , and hold me no more in doubt with your darke speeches or ridles . Now I know , Sir , said he , that yee have not studied Martiall tearmes , nor you vnderstand not as yet Galunatias his stile , so it will be hard for you to vnderstand the comming together of two solide bodies with the perspective of red flowers in a white field . From this second answer I fully resolved that hee was not drunke , but foolish , and as to such a one , I agreed with him to all that he said , although I vnderstood him never a whit . And taking the subject to reason with him upon the same reasons , I asked him , who made him a Cardinall and why ? To which he answered me thus . You should understand that some officers of the three and of the five of Topo & Tango vpon the Seventh and the Goe met me one Sunday at midnight and finding me with the As de bastons the lot would that they should run a hazard , and I remained with the money . They were deceived , and desiring to revenge their wrong , they went to Scipion , declaring an Vniversall head which they had seene in my hands , upon which they made long informations by the Signe●ers Aequinoctialls : and at the end of a rigorous examination which they had of me , they found mee not good enough to be Pope , they left me the office of a Cardinall . You ought to account your selfe happy , I answerd him , having so great a dignitie , seeing that few obtaine it , and these with great paines and travell . I would quite it , withall my heart , saith he , and that without pension , if any one would receive it for mee , and I would moreover binde myselfe to him to pay for the seales , because to speake the truth , it is a charge too heavy for me , and hee that gives it , hath not any good reputation among the people , nor many friends in the Citie ▪ and this is the cause that I make no great account of it . And doe not thinke that in saying , that I will no wayes accept of it , I can helpe myselfe of this paine : for it is not in my power , nor in theirs who receive the like charges to be able to refuse them , sithence dignities are bestowed by deservings , and albeit that men refuse them , they are made to take them by force , that no man may refuse them nor make resistance by too great humilitie , they binde it upon him as if he were a foole . Truely my friend , said I then to him , you ought to account your selfe happy and very fortunate , for such an election , this being supposed that it is made for deserving , and not for favour . Very fortunate , faith hee , assuredly I am , howbeit an vnworthy sinner , but no wise happy , for if I were , I should not be very fortunate . With this answer I began to see clearly , that he was neither foolish nor drunke : but that dissembling hee covered his words of this his chatting , and resolute to leave him with his — I rise speaking to him some harsh words , to which hee answered with great humilitie , saying , Sir I beseech you to stay your choler a litle : for it is not without a mysterie , that I have spokē to you in a riddle , and beleeve me that in this I have had no other intention , but to hide my mishaps from some — who usually ▪ watch harkning after the life of another , to report them to their copsemates . But now seeing that I can utter it to you without feare I will explaine myselfe , being well assured that a man of so good a wit as you are , will not be offended to heare my weakenesse , and will not deny me your good counsell which out of your charitie I promise to myselfe . So know that Cardinall is that which to day at noone one hit mee over the shoulders : The Clarke of harbour hee that receiveth such as are condemned to the Gallies : those of three , are some of our companie , are some that watch the streete , when any theft is committed , and these have the third part : Those of Five are some honorable persons , or at least held for such by the common people , who hide and keepe the theft in their house , and for that the fifth part is given to them . Now you shall know that by misliking I being one night in a list that was made , the booty was so little , that there was not whereof to make neither fourth nor fifth , and I being the man that put himselfe in greatest danger I was willing to goe away withall , promising to redresse the bygone fault in another more gainefull occasion . Those of Seven , and Goe , I will tell my companions found not this satisfaction to the purpose , which I gave them , because that absolutely they would have their share . I seeing ▪ that it was altogether impossible , for that I had already eaten it , turned the processe to a quarrell , and laying hold on a baton which is the As that you have heard , gave one of them a sound blow over the head , who seeing himselfe wounded , and his companions cheated , went to S. Scipion who is the Major , and accused mee that I was a theife at Crochet , which is an instrument where with we open all manner of doores , and following the accusation they made me be laid up in prison . The Lords of the Court , whom we call Aequinoctialls , condemned mee to goe the accustomed rounds about the streets , and afterwards to serve his Majestie in the Gallies of Marseilles . Which execution should be made this same day at noone ; I tremble because ten a clocke is strucke already . If ye have any remedy to give me , ye will doe a great worke of mercy , because I feare that the Hangman having stript mee , and finding five markes about me which were unjustly given me , doubtlesse he will make mee take a shorter journey . The wretch had proceeded thus far with the explaining of darke speech , ere ever I could break off his discourse , so great was the astonishment which his entangled metaphors left me in , & ending his story with a deep sigh , which came from his very soule , he fell halfe dead betweene my armes . He being come to himselfe againe , I began to comfort him the best I possibly could , counselling , for the last remedy to appeale to the Court , hoping alwayes for more mercie , from the highest seate of justice , than from the inferior Iudges Scarcely had I ended my words but three or foure of his companions , dying for laughter enter'd at the Chappell doore , saying to him that the newes which they had tolde him were false , and those lashes were imaginary , that it was a tricke of his enemies maliciously invented to trouble and vexe him . With this newes the poore wretch came againe so suddenly to his first estate , that save there remained some remembrance of his first taking it to heart , he cut moe than five and twenty capers in the ayre , with a thousand turnings of good liking , and his companions began to play upon him , in which he paid them home their change , with so wittie answers , that hee left me a great desire , to keepe him with me all alone , and at leasure to know at length his vocation and office , and the cleering of some obscure words which he usually mingled in his discourse ; so I intreated him , but he knowing that I had such a desire , in requitall of the patience with which I had heard him , and of the good counsell , which I had given him in his neede , he promist to give me a good account of his life , of his parents life , and the changeable successes which happened to him in his trade ; with all particulars which could be learned amongst those of his office , & having appointed me a place at two in the afternoone , we went to dinner . ( *⁎* ) CHAP. III. To whom the Theefe relateth the Noblenesse and Excellencie of Theft . THe good Andrew ( for so hee was called ) was not at all slothfull to be at the place appointed , nor to declare to me the Historie which I had requested with so great a desire : for halfe an houre before that , which wee had appointed , I found that hee waited for me with extreame impatience and so great , that almost without saluting me , hee began to relate his Historie , saying . Know , Sir , that if from the time of your birth ye should have gone searching through all the Universities of the world for some one , who with more ground , experience & learning then I could informe you of that which yee desire to know , it were impossible to finde him : seeing that in this which toucheth ( and let this be spoken without vanitie ) the understāding of the riddles of Mercurie Trismegstus , and other darke Philosophers , and to be , as they say , of the right haire and feathers , I will not yeelde it to any man in the world . With this and other secrets reserved to my own onely discretion I have found out the Philosophers stone and the true Elixar of life , with which I turne poyson into medicine , the course cloth into cloth of gold , and hunger into fulnesse and satietie more than sufficient , without putting any thing to it of my goods , save the turning of a hand . I doe not deale as a thousand other ignorant people of our daies , who being blinded by the gainfull end which the practise of the great Philosophers-stone promiseth them doe adventure rashly to spend all to finde nothing , & to vndoe a hundred thousand essences to finde one fifth both vncertaine and false , whose excesse and curiositie have none other end but infamie , miserie and povertie , and finally a shamefull death : for as much as those who have consum'd their owne goods and the goods of their friends , to search for that which they have not found , utter their rage with strokes of hammers upon the seven mettals , which are the cause of their overthrow . And which is worse , with all the tryalls and vnhappie ends of Alcumists , there is not any man to whom curiositie will not awaken the appetite , and provoke the will every time that he heareth any man talke of this arte . Mine is not of this kinde , and therefore lesse subject to the fancies and idle imaginations of Gebor Arnaut , Raymond Lully and other great Advancers of the arte , whose knowledge consisteth in not to be understood ; it is easie , plaine and without any mixture . Neverthelesse be who hee will that shall exercise it , it is necessarie that hee be wise , prudent and well advised , because that wanting or failing in one whatsoever it be of these things , a man shall easily lose in an instant all that he hath gained in all his life . This noble art also hath not Aristotles principles , because that as well he as all others that follow him , imagined that nothing could be made of nothing : this being true that in this our Art , all things are made of nothing ; and if we may attribute any principle of them which he propoundeth in his Physicks , it is the privation only , seeing that from it alone we come to the possession of infinit wealth . As for our tooles , I cōfesse there are some , forasmuch as there is no trade that can be without them , but neverthelesse they are so easie & so cheape , that we well nigh make them our selves , after they are made , they last time out of minde . The ground then to busie one of our trade , is onely the good courage and sound disposition of his body and limmes , and with this alone a man becommeth his crafts-master , without any other ornament — And doe not think that this Art , having so poore a beginning as nothing , is shamful or infamous , for it is the most noble , the absolute and the most priviledged of all those that are in the world , so farre forth that acknowledgeth nor respecteth neither King nor knave , nor careth it for all the Monarchs of the earth , nor for the Ecclesiastike power , nor for the Secular : but rather all pay tribute and travels for him . Its fields are fruitfull in drie grounds , it gathers the fruit without sowing , it hath no traffique with any , and demands of all , it lendeth to no body , and all are indebted to it , its harvests grow without raine , and there is not any thing whereof it taketh not the tithes . There commeth not any fleete from the Indies , nor great ship from the Levant , wherof it not make shew to be partner , there is not a Guine Marchant , that is not its debtor , and finally , it catcheth up all . And which ought to be most valued in this pretious Art , is the great ease with which it is exercised , in which it exceeds all other Arts , that are till these our times found out in the world , the end of which is contrary to that of this , because that is perfected in the doing , this in undoing , and to undoe being more easie than to doe ( as the Philosopher saith ) doubtlesse it is but that our Art is easier than all others whose end is obtained with great paines , travells and difficulties . Honest Andrew had proceeded further in the praises and excellencie of his trade , if I had not broke him off with an extreame impatience , the titles of honour and noblenesse which hee gave it seeming to me altogether improper , as well for that it is of it selfe imfamous , as for the innumerable dangers which usually happen to them , who undertake such like traffiques : wherefore I said to him ; I do not know , Andrew , how nor by what reason you your selfe reckon up to me these Arts so noble , so easie and so profitable , seeing that you have related to me the perilous extremities in which you have beene , which your povertie and calamity assure me to be of little profit & of great misery which is therein , that makes mee to marvel very much at your persevering in your unhappy trade , ere you were made wise by the experiences past . You have reason ( he answered ) and I confesse that many hazards and disgraces light upon vs , but one Oxe eateth more than a hundred Larks , I will say that one good encounter shoulders out many disgraces , which have not in so great number as you thinke , and though they were , it is not possible for vs to give over this trade but by death , because this Art hath I cannot tell what with it , that it is like one sicke of the Dropsie , who the more he drinks the more he thirsts , and of one onely act there becommeth a habite , qui difficilè removetur a subjecto , which is hardly removed from the subject . And I know wel ▪ that you wil like my doctrine well , being so learned a man as you are , seeing they are accustomed to dispute among the Philosophers if this maxime of Aristotle ( who saith Expluribus actibus generatur habitus , of many actions is begot a habit ) be Universally true . And some say that of one only action a habit may be bred , which should be understood of morall actions , and those of worser sort : I will affirme that to breede a continuall custome in sinning , one only action is sufficient : but to doe well , there is need of many . The reason is cleere , for that the will of man being disposed to sinne , because it is called fomes peccati , the fewell of sinne , and for the miseries drawen upon it in its conception , one action alone leaveth in it a certaine inward disposition with which it becommeth easie , and disposed to like actions ; but the desire being so marred , corrupt and ill disposed to receive vertue , there needeth not only one vertuous action , but many , if any disposition or custome of doing well should remaine after it . By which you may judge that albeit a thousand disgraces fall upon us it were almost impossible for us to forsake our trade , nor change our life , having already turned it into a nature , and if this should be done , it should be needfull to make the world a new againe , more or lesse all wooll is haire , we are all of us of one brotherhood , no man is content with his state , he that hath most desireth more , that which costeth little agreeth best with us , and all ( as the Proverbe goeth ) like well . But mishap be to that infortunat man who payeth for all ; for as the Proverb saith , the Gallowes are for all such , we rubbe all men , and for those sinnes some are hang'd , others are rich . Happy are they who robbe Hippocrates-like , I will speake as the Physitians , whose faults the earth covereth , so that no man is able to accuse them , nor aske restitution of his life , and of the money which they have publickly rob'd and in the view of all the world . And though some of these be spirituall men , others temporall , notwithstanding all meete in the same way , and shoote at one marke : for there be also horseleeches which sucke the world sweetly , and wring their necke , with a sad dumpish countenance , and a faire shew colour their ambitious designes with godly words . And for them , it is said in the Proverbe , the Divell is behinde the Crosse . There are others also , who though they wring not the necke , nor speake so much of God , apply neverthelesse the jurisdiction of their offices in favour of him that giveth them most ; who being lap't in long wide gownes making them to bee respected there is not a man that dare to give thē a word , nor shew by any signe the evil satisfaction that they have by them : but the wretched person that neither hath God in his mouth , nor barke wherwith to hide himselfe , if he be not very wise & prudent all the persecutions of the world hang about him at once , all men spit in his face , and he is the marke of all the abuses in the world : wherfore blame not our Art before you understand it ; for you should so offend all the world & perhaps your selfe , sith no man liveth without fault . How much more if you knew what sweetnesse there is to gather the fruit where one hath not planted , and to find the in gathering in his garner & in his cellar , himself having neither fielde nor vineyard , you would even licke your fingers at it . Is this a smal matter I pray you , that a man riseth in the morning not having penny nor farthing , nor knowing yet whence to have it for to nourish his family , and yet ere night he is worth a hundred crownes , & knoweth not whence they came ? Is this a small matter in greatest sloth and necessitie to finde apparell cut and slasht without paying either for stuffe or making ? Is there any such Noblenesse in the world , as to be a Gentleman without rents , and to have other mens goods so his own , as that hee may dispose of them at his will , without costing him any more but to take them ? Doe you thinke it a small matter to be a Marchant without a stocke , to gaine two hundreth for nothing , without crossing the seas , going to faire or market , not caring if the Marchant turne banque-rupt , if the yeare be barren or plentiful , if wares be deare or cheape ? And if ye will take our trade by way of reputation or credit , doth it seeme a small thing to you , to finde one who will insure us our life , whatsoever wee doe , and to have at our becke some Iudges , who save us from the lash from the Gallies , from torture & from the Gallowes only with a single & wel ▪ assured promise to satisfie them with the gaine of our next theft ? And that they do this not only for us , but for our friends , kindred and acquaintance ? Abuse not yourselfe , and acknowledge that there is no life more assured in this world than ours , for instead of one displeasure that wee have , there are infinite pleasures and contentments to be enjoyed . And ●o thus much for my profession and trade . *⁎* CHAP. IIII. To him the Thiefe relateth the life and death of his Parents and the first disgrace that befell him . AS for my race , you shall know that I am a man borne of a woman , in a town of this world , whose name I lost in a sicknesse which I had in the yeare sixe hundred and foure . My , father was called Peter and my mother Hope , people , though meane , honorable and vertuous , of good reputation and praise-worthy manners . And as for the goods of fortune , they were not so great , that they were able to give bribes , nor marry Orphans out of their meanes , nor so meane , that they obliged themselves to aske almes , nor to subject themselves to any man , but they were people that knew how to live , and that had bread to eate , and clothes to put on . In all the course of their life there was nothing found that they could be reproched for , nor whereof they could be reproved , because they heeded no other thing ( particularly my mother ) but to keepe their honour and the good esteeme which they had gained , for which and for the freedoome and faire conditions of their proceedings and conversation ▪ all the world honored and loved them . But as vertue is ordinarily envied , and honest people persecuted , there was no want of malicious and wicked people , who by false and rash calumnies darkned the brightnesse and glistering of their good works & the cleannes of their life . They were accused ( I say ) to have robbed a Church , to have spoiled the Vestrie with the ornaments and chalices , and which is worse , to have cut off S. Bartholomews hand , who was upon an Altar ▪ which they said was of silver . An accusation as malicious as false , especially , for my mothers part , whose devotion towards the Saints was so great , that when she went to Church , if my father had not pull'd her out by the haire , or the Sexton had not shut the doore against her , there was no meanes to make her come out of the Church , although shee had beene three dayes without meate , and her devotion was so knowne to all the people , that she never came forth to the streete , but a thousand folke praied her to say some Ave Maria for women with child , sicke and other afflicted persons , having all of them great faith in her prayers . But as there are traitors enough to condemne a just man , and in this age innocency serveth to no purpose , if it be not favoured , for so much as the Lawes goe as it pleaseth Kings , it came to passe that notwithstanding the reproaches which they gave in against the witnesses , more than sufficient to refute the malice of the accusers , and to manifest the innocencie of the accused , they condemned them to die , and together with them a brother of mine , and my mothers Nephew . Verily the case was strange and scandalous , though false , and their death unjust : but whatsoever the cause I doe not envie them the profit , which let them eate with their bread , they shall not goe to Rome for penance , for there is a God in the world that seeth all things , and seeing he punisheth that he will not suff●r one haire of the just to perish , it belongs to him to avenge the wrong done to his servants , for so I may call them , yea even Martyrs , sith they constantly , suffered death for the love of God , they being accused of faults which they had not committed . A tricke , finally that they being poore , they were constrained to pay with their life , that which they were not able with their goods . I only may praise my selfe that I found some mercie with the Iudges , in consideration of my young yeares , and of the small experience that I had ; yet the favour they shewed me , was a grace with sinne : because Iustice left me my life , with condition that I shuld be the executioner of these Martyres . I was very unwilling and did all I could , not to commit so execrable a crime as that is , to take away their lives that had given me mine : but it was impossible to excuse me , but by losing my life with them . Wherefore I considering that a nother would doe that , which I refused , and of the other side the perswasion of my friends who with a great charge upon my conscience , counselled me to doe it , that so the whole kindred of my parents should not be lost , and that there should remaine some one in the world who might pray for them ; I put on a resolution to doe that which for any other respect I would never have done . But this is my comfort , which is not a little one to me , that my father gave me his blessing at the houre of his death forgiving me all that I could have committed in this world , against the respect and reverence , which I owed him , giving me also some wholesome counsels , and recommending to me vertue and the feare of God , above all that I should ever strive to be like my parents and that I should shew my selfe such a one as those of whom I was descended . With these reasons and some others I remained greatly comforted , and resolved to end my prison with their life . I was left an Orphan , young , alone , or ill accompanied , and without counsell , without knowing what side to turne me to , for to maintaine that life which these gentlemen had left me , because that the cockering and good cheere in which my mother had bred me , had beene the especiall cause of my undoing , shee suffering me to live idlely and lazily . Neverthelesse I seeing that the memorie of the good past brought me no profit , and that if I should live and eate bread it ought to be with the sweate of my browes , I determined to looke out for a master whom I might serve , or some handie-crafts-man with whom I might learne some trade , which was all in vaine , because that the accident of my parents being in fresh memorie , and their infamie yet late , I found not one that would receive me into his house , nay not so much as to be a groome of his stable : wherefore I was forced to leave the countrey , and to goe try my fortunes in a strange countrey . What countrey is that ( I asked him then ) in which your parents dwelt , because if I be not deceived in the discourse of your relation , you have changed its right name as also its surname , and your owne ? Command me not , I beseech you , answered he , to breake a solemne oath which we of our profession have made amongst ourselves , which is never to reveale to any man our owne countrey , nor our parents name , this being supposed that it availeth little to the truth of my history to know it , and though it seemeth to you that it is no mysterie to conceale it , beleeve me you are deceived for so much that there is nothing more dangerous in our Art , than to tell a mans true name , as well as of his countrey , as of his baptisme , seeing that as you know , albeit we be fallen a thousand times into the hands of Iustice , and that we be as many times convicted of some crime , wee onely changing our name , we ever make it appeare that this is the first time that we have beene taken , and the first crime whereof we have ever bin accused , and no man knowing the name of our parents , nor of our countrey they cannot be informed of our lives & manners , nor our parents receive any shame from our disgrace seeing that as you may oftentimes haue seene , when they cōdemne a man the first words of his sentence say ; such a one , of such a place , the son of such a man & such a woman is condemned to be whipt or hanged such a day , moneth and yeare , from which proceedeth nothing else , but sorrow to him that dyeth , and dishonour to his parents . If this be so ( said I to him ) you have reason to hid it , & this being supposed that is not for your availe to telit , & it availeth not me to know it , let us leave it , and follow your Historie . It fell out then ( said hee ) that about foure leagues from the place of my birth , I put my selfe apprentice to a Shooemaker , it seeming to mee to be the most gainfull of all trades , especially in France , where all those that walke goe at it were post , even as if Iustice were running after them , and where all Shooe themselves against nature , that which is contained being greater than that which containeth that is to say , the foot greater than the shooe , whence it falleth out that the shooes last a very short while . I opened then mine eyes thither and bend my minde to this trade for that beside the gaine it was the most easie . But as from my infancie my parents had taught me to rip , it was not possible for me so suddenly to change the habite which I had already , turned into nature , and so sixe weeks past ere I could learne to set one right stitch . From this ignorance my Master tooke occasion to disdaine me , breaking some lasts on my head , to see if they could leave some impression beside the continuall abstinence with which hee punisht me , some of his friends having said to him that it was a singular remedie — — — and quicken my wit . This life seemed not good to me nor to bee desired , wherefore I resolved to forsake it , and lay out for another more peaceable , knowing particularly in myselfe some motions of Noblenesse , which inclined me to things higher and greater than to make shooes , wherefore I conclude with myselfe to search all meanes possible to bring me into the house of some man of qualitie and rich , being assured that with the faire conditions and readinesse that I had , my service should be well-pleasing to my Master . Verily the resolution was good , and the thoughts honourable and noble ; but so lame , maime and without force for want of meanes , and apparell to set them forward seeing that it is most certaine , that if with my hands waxed , my apron and other markes of a Shoomaker I should have presented my selfe at the gate of some Knight , they would not have suffered me to enter This difficultie held mee some few dayes in perplexitie without knowing how to enter upon my enterprises , notwithstanding making a vertue of necessitie , being vexed at the miserable life which I led , I determined to draw Physicke out of the disease , and honie from the Bees stings , and endeavouring to revenge my selfe on the Spainsh lether and all shooe-makers . To this effect there came a notable boldnesse in my mind , yea and profitable enough and sure , if fortune who then was my enemie had not over-thrown my designes and my inventions , I considered that if I stole any thing out of the house , my shift should have beene discovered in an instant , and I as a stranger and friendlesse , beene ill dealt withall , particularly , with the hatred which my Master bare towards me , & the harshnesse with which they are wont to punish houshold thefts in France . So rising on Fryday morning earely than I had beene accustomed , rubbing my hands with waxe and also my face , I went with my apron girt to mee , and my hands all bedawbed , to runne through all the shops of the towne , especially those that were best acquainted with my Master , and telling to every One that were in the shops , that the Gentleman staid at my Masters for a paire of bootes of the eights , to put them on incontinent , I asked for one boote to trie if it would fit him that desired them . None made any difficultie to give me it , thinking that a man could not be served with one boote alone , otherwise the most part of the shooe-makers knew me , and these who had never seene me were in a minute so well satisfied with my presence , that if the first finder out of the trade had come , they could not have given him more credite . With this invention I went almost through all the shops of the towne , ever heeding to aske for a boote of the same size , and last that the first was of : And the invention fell out so to the purpose , and with so great ease that in halfe an houres space , I gathered me then two hundred bootes all of one size , and of one fashion , which having tied up in a sacke , I laid them on my shoulders and betooke me to the way . The fact lay dead without suspition almost two houres , but seeing that I came not backe againe , nor returned the boots which I had carried away , nor tooke that which I had left , all of them suspected that which truely fell out . And so this time being past , moe than a hundred apprentices were at the doore where I dwelt , every one asking for his boote , which my Master and some few of his neighbours , who loved mee not very well , seeing they told the Iustice , who dividing themselves through the three gates of the Citie , met mee not very farre from one of them , because the weight of my burthen suffered me not to get out of sight as I could have wisht . They brought me backe to the towne , and proceeding against mee for the fact yet hot and fresh in minde , they condemned me to walke foure houres through the accustomed streets ( that is to be scourged ) with three yeares banishment . CHAP. V. Of the first Theefe that was in the world and whence theft had its beginning . ALthough this noble Art had no other excellency but the antiquitie of its beginning and the Noblenesse of the first finder out thereof , it might suffice to the end that every good wit should approve it for to be the most Noble of all those which are practized at this day in the world , the first inventour thereof was one of the fairest Angells that was , whose beautie , dignitie and greatnesse was so extolled and high , that the most curious of his perfection found no other title more proper to exalt him than that of the Morning Starre , Governour of the dawning of the day , the Sun's Ambassadour . This then was the first Thiefe that was in the world , or before the world , if it be true that the Angells were created before time , who overcome by an ambitious desire , adventured rashly to robbe God of his glorie . But hee was degraded because Iustice tooke him in the fact , and seazing upon all the goods that hee had , condemned him to perpetuall prison , and together with him all his associats . The second Thiefe that ever was in the world was our first father Adam , as bold as the Angell , yet not so blame-worthie for being not so malicious in his sin , and of lesse knowledge , albeit I cannot be perswaded that hee was ignorant of the obediēce , which he owed to his Creator , having knowledge infused in him . Neverthelesse overcome by the importunate reasons of his wife , and tormented with an ambitious curiositie hee was desirous to steale the knowledge and wisedome of God . But it fell out as badly to him as to the Angell , so that his fleeing and hiding himselfe served him to no purpose , for the Iudge having asked him , and he not being able to deny the fact , for that he was taken in the fault , his state of innocencie and originall justice was taken away , he and all his race remaining condemned to spend their life with sweate , travell and mishaps , and his wife to bring forth her children with sorrow . And if you aske mee why God did not equally punish these two theeves , being guiltie of treason , and having attempted one and the same kinde of theft which is the divine perfection . It was to this purpose that I have heard spoken by a great doctour and Preacher of the Church ; because if God had punisht man with the same rigour that hee punisht the Angell withall , he had destroyed an intire nature , seing that all men sinned in Adam & so the world had remained imperfect . But in punishing the Angell , this incōvenience followed not , because many other Angels remained in heaven , and all the nature of Angels sinned not , and this is the cause why God was not so severe to man as to the Angels : but you shal better learn this curiositie from some other , who knoweth it better than I do . It is sufficient that those aforesaid Theeves were the first that brought theft into credit in the world . And wee cannot say , that povertie and necessitie stirred them vp to steale , because the first was the noblest and mightiest of all the Angells , and the second was the first of all men , King of the living creatures , and absolute Lord of the earth . From thence is brought in the deceite which to the day , this world seeth , beleeving that poverty was the finder out of theft , seeing it is riches and prosperitie , because the love & desire of honour and riches groweth so much the more as it is increased , as a Poet saith very well . Ambition being an unsatiable fire , in which how much more wood is laid , so much the more it is inflamed , and a Dropsie , in which the more one drinketh , the more hee thirsteth . Even so in those great theeves , the great riches and prosperitie which they had , was the cause of their unruly appetite , and unsatiable ambition , for that they desiring that which they had not , they could not attempt any other theft , but the glorie and wisedome of God , seeing they possessed all the rest . Whence you shall understand , that to steale and robbe is in a sort naturall to man , and that it goeth by inheritance , and propagation in all the linage of men , and not by cunning . For if it be true that we all are partakers of Adams sinne , his sin being nothing else but to robbe God of his knowledge , it is evident , that there is in vs an inclination , disposition and naturall desire to robbe and steale . From Adam this profession was extended to all his posteritie , being alwayes kept on foote amongst the most noble and best qualified of all his children . So Cain , as jealous of this originall vertue , would needs steale from his brother Abel the grace and particular favour with which God received his oblations and sacrifices . Iacob cunningly rob'd the blessing from his brother Esau , and it went well with him . David the wife of Vriah . Achab though himselfe a rich King stole Naboths Vineyard . And finally Nimrod by theft subdued all the Inhabitants of Assyria . And if leaving these and other Theeves almost innumerable , which holy writing relate unto us , wee take the examples that humane histories rehearse unto us , we shall see that this singular Art hath beene alwayes preserved among the Nobilitie , sith Paris stole Helen , ravisht before that by Theseus ; The same Theseus stole Ariadne , and Iason Medea . The Lacedemonians , of whose policie and good government Plutarch maketh honorable mention had this laudable and vertuous custome of stealing , and hee that was most cunning and subtile in that Art , was in greatest account and estimation amongst them . The very mothers taught their children , while they were but little ones , to steale , holding it for an infallible point of policie , that they could never be good and brave souldiers , if they had not beene cunning and well experienced theeves . I will not tarrie now to tell the name and reputation which Vircat got himselfe by his thefts , nor the renowne which Crocota deserved by them in the time of Augustus Caesar , for I should never have done . *⁎* ⁎ * CHAP. VI . The theefe followeth his historie proving that all men of what qualitie so ever are Theeves . THis Noble profession of stealing hath evermore ( as I have said ) beene held in high esteeme amongst the greatest and best qualified men of the world : but as there is no kinde of vertue nor noblenesse , which is not envied by the vulgar , it became in time so ordinarie & common that there was not so very a Butcher or Porter who would not imitate the Nobilitie in their thefts . Whence and from the little discretion and exceeding great boldnesse that then was amongst people , it was one time so disdained and disliked that those who did openly follow it , were punished with shamefull paines and accounted infamous . But as all things of the world have their contrary weights ; time would needs finde a remedie for this abuse , seeking meanes to steale without punishment , and so disguised , that not only theft seemed not vice , but was esteemed a rare and singular vertue . To this end many brave spirits invented the diversitie of Offices and charges which to this day are exercised in the world , every one of which serveth for a maske or cloake to make his harvest and inrich himselfe with another mans goods . And to the end that you may not judge my words rash , nor my proposition too bold , runne , I pray you , over all states that are in the Common-wealth , and you shall finde that wee all are the children of Adam . For I thus argue . That man that hath an Office of a thousand Crownes of rent , without any other living , pension or patrimonie , & holds a house for which hee payes eight hundreth Grownes a yeare , keepes a horse & two Pages and a footeman , his wife and two waiting Gentlewomen , his children and a Master to teach them , who to keepe all this traine hath neede of more then a thousand crownes every yeare , yet notwithstanding with all this charge he is found at the yeares end with two suites of apparell , free from debts & with five hundreth crownes of gaine , and yet it rained no more on his field than on other mens , nor hath he inherited any thing of any of his parents or friends . Ergo a Theefe . A Tailer that eats more than it cost him , and at sixe yeares end gives ten thousand crownes portion in marriage with his daughter , never medling with other trade save his needle and his sheeres . Ergo a Theefe . A Shooe-maker that keepes six prentices in his shop , and workes but foure daies a weeke ; and those not wholly at three yeares end that two tenements builded in the fairest streets of the towne , every one of which is worth two him three hundreth pounds of yearely rent , without any other stocke , but that of his leather Ergo a Theefe . The Clerke who for every sheete of paper that he writes hath but a shilling , and who writes scarcely , sixe moneths of the whole yeare , which are hardly ended but hee is seene to have his Velvet stooles , damaske courtains , silke-hangings , and other rich ornaments , which never came to him by heritage . Ergo a Theefe . Of the same kinde you shal find in all Offices giving you to understand , that I doe not speake here of the good and honest , but of the lewd and baser sort , who blinded with profit and gain treade under their feete the feare of God , the love of their neighbour , and the truth of their own cōscience ( who force the poore and needy to take sixe pence for that , which they sell in their shops for twelue pence ) & it is , I say , of those by whom the evills , that I have mentioned ought to be understood . And by reason that the great attention with which you doe harken to my reasons , discovereth the desire that you have to know all that can be said upon this subject , I will shew briefly the invention and deceits which the naughtie Tradesmen use for to robbe and steale . The Tailer stealeth asking a third part more of cloth , then there needeth to make a sute of : and when he that putteth it out to making , presuming to be wise enough for the Tailer , would be by to see it cut , he vexeth him , and casts a mist over his eyes marking foure houres along the peece and overthwart , and when hee hath at last dazeld him with a great many strokes and lines with his chalke , hee throweth a false ply under the sheeres with which at the cutting of a paire of breeches one breech abideth with him for his gain , besides buttons , silke , lace , and lynings . The linnen Weaver stealeth in asking more yarne than the web hath neede of , laying fiftie ells instead of five and fortie and with the remainder of many broken threeds he pincheth out the length , which makes worth to him the eight part , all which he stealeth . The Cord wainer restoreth with his teeth that which hee stealeth with his — biting and drawing thinne the leather , so that of one paire of shooes which one giveth him to make , there resteth to him at least an upper lether or a heele for a third . And if the lether be his owne , he sets on a rotten soale with rotten threed , to the end it may be the sooner spoil'd and fall off , which I thinke but stealing . The Physitian and the Chirurgion both steale , the one appointing and th'other applying plasters , which feed the disease and make it worse to the end that the time of the cure continuing long , the fees may be the greater and the more . The Apothecarie ●●ealeth with a quid pro quo — putting in one drugge for another , and taking that which is cheapest , not considering what humour should be purged , and what vertue the drugge hath which he applyeth , in which hee stealeth the honour and reputation of the Physitian , and the sick persons life . And if haply any call for an oile which he hath not , he wil not faile to give of that which hee hath for oile of — or other costly oyle which any shall have asked them , that they may not lose the credit of their shop . The Marchant stealeth in putting out his money upon use , taking more than the statute alloweth , and writing downe in his booke such a debt , which , it may be , shall be thrice paid , The Notary stealeth with an ( &c. Et coetera ) a whole Lordship , and if there be a question of any criminall processe , the Scrivener for money that he shall take of a forfeit , will sell the soule of the poore innocent . The Counsellour & the Atturney steale selling a thousand lies to the poore client , making him to understand , that he shall win his cause , albeit they see cleerely that he hath no right at all ; and many times it falleth out that the Lawyer agreeth with another to sell the parties right and part the gaine betweene them . The Iudge stealeth Iustice from this man , having pitie on him , who by some bribe shall have already corrupted him , wresting violently the texts of Bartole and Baldus for his own profit . The Drugster and other Marchants , that sell by weight steale , putting under the scale a very thinne plate of leade , where they put that which they would weigh , with which they shew that there is more then weight , albeit there be many ounces , and when they doe not that , with their little finger they touch the tongue of the ballance with which they make the scale sway to what side they will . The Vintner stealeth a hundreth thousand wayes , mixing and blending one wine with another , beside the water that hee putteth amongst it , and when his wine by the force of so much mingling and watering hath his strength , hee hangeth amongst the lees a little bagge full of Cloves , Pepper , Ginger and other spices , with which he makes it still seeme to be good . The Butcher also stealeth blowing up his meate with a Cane , that so they may seeme the bigger , and that he may sell them at a deerer rate than they are worth . The Treasurer stealeth the third part , yea the halfe of a pension , when a poore needie man asketh him , because that hee , who should receive it , being drown'd in debt or charged with some vrgent necessitie , denieth not to give the halfe , nor makes he any conscience to demandit . The Marshall stealeth taking a poore harmelesse man , and laying him in hold never telling him for what , and at the end of three or foure dayes that hee keepeth him in a chaine , sends a Divell of those that belong to the prison , to tell him that hee is accused for making of false coine , and that there are ten witnesses who have given evidence against him : but that for the respect of some of his friends , hee will set him at libertie some evening , if he will give him a hundreth Crownes to give content to the witnesses , and to make them in some sort to hold their tongues , whereby the poore wretch being sore affrighted , selleth all to the shirt on his backe to be rid of so great affliction . The Courtier stealeth the report of a favorite , ascribing to himselfe that which another receiveth : because being loaded with feathers , brusling up himselfe , poised and straighter than a spindle he goeth to the Court , and hearing , at the gate , or in the Court-yarde where the Pages waite , some newes , hee returneth to see his friends , and gives them to understand , that the King drew him aside , speaking secretly to him two houres , and amongst other things hee told the newes that hee brings . The Perfumer stealeth mingling the perfumes and multiplying the Muske with a Cowes liver rosted , the Amber-grees with sope and sand , and the Sivet with some Butter . The Priest stealeth , saying foure Masses instead of forty for which hee hath bin paid beside the monie that he receives for yearely Masses for the dead , Answers and other duties which he never remembers . The Religious ( Monkes and Friers ) steale whole patrimonies , assaulting with a grave countenance and a wry necke a poore sicke man at the point of death , and laying before him a mountaine of doubts and burthens of conscience , turning and stirring them up to pious deeds , applying to their own Monasterie all that which he was bound to restore , without ever making any scruple of conscience to leave halfe a dozen of Orphans defeated of their inheritance , and the sicke mans wife to live upon almes . The Preacher stealeth , picking from S. Thomas and S. Austin the best of their workes , and having robbed them to their very thoughts , selleth in the Pulpit their doctrine as though it were his owne making himselfe the inventor and author of that which belongeth not unto him . The Blind man stealeth the halfe of every song that he singeth , because that having received money from him that biddeth him sing , and it seeming to him that he is gone from him three or foure paces , he beginneth againe his first tune , and asketh a new that some body would make him sing another . The Begger stealeth telling a thousand lyes to him that giveth the almes , saying that he hath bin robbed , that he hath beene sicke , that his father is in prison , and counterfeiting himself lame , with which hee pulleth from men their almes . Finally , all doe steale , and every handy-crafts man hath his own invention and particular subtiltie to this effect : but seeing there is no rule fo generall , that hath not its exception , wee may exclude from the number of Theeves all those that have a good conscience , as foote-men , Hostlers , Cookes , Sergeants , Iailers , Under-jaillers , Panders , Bawdes , Ruffians and Whores . ( *⁎* ) CHAP. VII . Of the difference and variety ▪ of Theeves . ALl the Theeves aforesaid are called discreete , because that every one in his place striveth to cover theft the best hee can , transforming it into Nobilitie and vertue , and this manner of stealing is the safest and most secret . Of these there is as great varietie and difference , as there are severall Offices in the Common-weale , yea there are other Theeves who steale openly and without maske : who , although they are not so many in number as the former , are notwithstanding moe , and their differences are as many as there are inventions to steale , which being redacted into a shorter number , are divided into Robbers , Staffadours , drawers of Wooll , Grunets , Apostles Cigarets , Dacians , Mallets Cut-purses , Satyrs , Devont , and Governours of the House . The Robbers steale upon the high wayes and solitarie places with great cruelty and tyrannie , because that seldome doe they robbe without killing , fearing to be discovered and followed by justice . The meanes & slights that they have to coine to their purposes are diverse : for sometimes they will follow a man fifteene dayes never losing the sight of him , waiting while hee goe out of the towne . And the better to over-reach him one of the companie goeth disguised in a Marchants habit , a guest of the same Inne , with a certaine packe of old cloth , or some other invention , giving to understand that he is a strange country Marchant , and feareth to travell alone . With this lye he falleth into discourse with the poore Marchant or passenger craftily getting out of him , that which hee desireth to know , & learning whence he is , whether he goeth , what Marchandise he carrieth , or what businesse he goeth , about , and when he is to be gone , whereof giving notice to his companions , they lye in waite for him at some place most convenient for their purpose . Others make themselues lurking holes behinde some bushes , growne up to the thicknesse of a wood , and when they perceive a far off , or by some spie , a passenger , they lay in the middle of the way a purse made fast , some shew of money , or a little budget , that in the meane time while he alighteth and staieth to take it up , they may come timely enough to take from him that he carrieth . Others being hid in the most secret places of the high way , send one of their companie in Carriers clothes , who seeing the Passenger approach stayes to looke on him , and making shew to know him and to have some letters for him , & holding him in talke , busieth him in such fashion , that the others have the time and meanes to surround him . Others lying somewhat out of the way , faigne a lamentable and pitifull voyce , with which they tye the passenger to stay , and to goe see what it is , and while he that makes this moane deceitfully declareth his griefe , the ambush leapeth out that strippeth him to his shirt . Your Staffadours are a second sort of robbers , little differing from the former , though more courteous , and not so bloudy ; those goe calmely into the house of some Marchant , and not finding him there , seeke for him at great leasure , at the Exchange , in the fields , at Church , and in the middle of a thousand people , drawes neere to him softly talking in his eare , making as though hee would communicate to him some busines of great importance , and shewing him a Dagger , saith , this Dagger demandeth a hundreth crownes , brought to such a place , such a day , and if you doe it not , you shall die for it . The poore Marchant sore affrighted by such words dareth not to misse , for feare to be killed . The Wooll-drawers take their name from the theft they practise , which is to snatch cloakes in the night , and these have no other cunning save the occasion : they goe ever by threes or foures betweene nine or ten a clock at night , and if they do finde a fit opportunitie they let it not slip . Most commonly they come forth to snatch cloakes in the darkest and rainest nights , and to them places which they see is most quiet and most out of the way , at least upon the one side , to the end that the neighbours may not come forth ( at the outcryes and noise which the robbed are commonly wont to make ) and take them . These same are accustomed sometimes to go in Lackeyes clothes to come in to some Maske or feast , making shew to looke for their Masters , and with this liberty , they meete with a heape of cloakes , that the Gentlemen use to leave in the Hall , being sure that no body will meddle with them they in the view of all in the place , nimbly take up two or three on their shoulders , and get them gone with them ; saluting all those whom they meete , with Cap in hand . The Grumets take their name from the likenesse that they have to those young boyes in ships , who clime up with great nimblenesse , by the tacklings to the top of the Mast ; and the sailers call them Cats or Grumets . Those that beare this name steale by night , climing up lightly , by a ladder of ropes , at the end of which they have two little hookes of iron , to the end that throwing them up to the window ; it may catch hold there and they easily get up and empty the house . These runne about the City and the Country , stealing not onely gold and silver , but also Wheate , Rye , Barley , Oates , and finally all that ever they doe finde , and when they have plaid their prize , they cunningly tye a line made fast to the point of the little hookes , which , after they are come downe , they drawing , the two hookes are raised and the ladder falleth , without ever leaving any print or marke of the theft . The Apostles take their name from S. Peter , because that even as hee beares the keyes of Heaven , so also they ordinarily carry a picklocke or vniversall key with which they open all manner of doores , and because of too much noise , that the locke may not rattle , and awaken the people a sleep , they put in a plate of leade with which they breake it in peeces , so that they who lie neerest can perceive nothing . Those whom they call Cigarets , have for their particular office to haunt Churches feasts and publique assemblies , at which they cut off the halfe of a cloake , cassock sleeves , halfe a gowne , the quarter of a jumpe and finally whatsoever they finde , for of all these they make money . The Devout are Church ▪ theeves , because there are no Easters , Pardons , nor Iubilie which they visite not : they are continually on their knees in the Monasteries , — having their beades in their hands , to cloake their knavery , waiting their time , either under some Altar , or behinde some table , on the eeve of some solemne feast , to the end that they may get out by night . — and to spoile the image of all the ornaments about them . In this sort of theft they do moreover adventure into the Monasteries of the Religious as well as into other Churches , because that as they are charitable , and feare to be accounted disorderly , they seldome put a theefe into the hands of justice , and for all the mischiefe that hee commits a man getteth out of their hands , chastised with one onely discipline all about the Cloisters by a procession of Monks who charge him ; after his amendment , to feare God . The Satyrs are men living wilde in the fields , that keepe their holds and dwelling in the Countrey and forsaken places , stealing horses , kine , sheepe and all kinde of cattle which by occasion come in their walke . The Dacians are cruell , mercilesse people , held in our common-weales in lesse account than th'other theeves : these steale children of three or foure yeares old , and breaking their armes and legges lame and disfigure them , that they may afterwards sell them to Beggers , Blinde folkes and other vagabonds . The Overseers of the house have this name frō the particular care that they have to looke out for provision of bread , meate , and other victualls to feede their companions , and as there is not any thing in the world that a man loveth better than to eate and drinke , the inventions and meanes that theeves have , are so severall and so exquisite that it is impossible to tell them all . Some are accustomed three or foure to meete in the twilight at night and taking a bottle of five or sixe pottles with a fourth part of water in it , they goe to a Taverne bidding them fill the bottle with the wine in the house , and having agreed for the price , the poore Vintner beginneth to measure while it be almost full , then they make shew of a desire to taste it , if it be the wine that they bought at the beginning , and scarcely have they tasted it when bending their browes , casting up their eyes and wrying their nose they cry out at the wretched Vintner , saying that he is a theefe and a deceiver , who hath changed them their wine . The poore fellow seeing that his oathes and curses availe nothing , is content to take his wine again and to take out the bottle the measures that hee had put in , by which meanes they have a fourth part left so well seasoned that it may passe for wine of sixe pence a quart . Other whiles they goe five or sixe in companie to the Taverne with two great pots so like th'one to the other , that very hardly can there any difference be perceived betweene them ; they carry th'one emptie and the other full of water under his cloak , and biddes them fill the emptie one with the best wine that they have , never taking care for the price , and it being full , the one of them takes it under his cloake , and the other staies reckoning with the Vintner , holding his purse in his hand and making shew to pay him : being upon these termes , the others come in , and aske alowd whether or no they shall suppe there , which the Vintner seeing , allured presently by the gaine that hee shall make if they suppe at his house , perswades them to stay , and they take his counsell determining to goe to the Cookes to buy some joynt for supper , and to call backe the rest of their comerads , leaving the pot full of water to the Vintner , that he may keepe it in the meane while till they come backe , with which he remaineth contented and well assured , thinking hith himselfe , that though they never returne , the pot notwithstanding shall remaine with him for his gaines . As for the provision of flesh , poulterie and other things they have a thousand inventions , whereof I will tell you one only which hapned long agoe to one of my copsemates . It was , if I rightly remember , on a holy Saturdayes market , in which they sold great store of Hennes , Partridges , Rabbets , Pullets and other things against the feastivall day . Three of the company went out to seeke for provision , dividing themselves every one to his owne walke , the two met with a Countrey-Clown loaded with Capons and Partridges , which were in the market ; one of them drew neare to buy up all that he had , & cheapning a quarter of an houre with the Clowne , agreed to give him ten Nobles for all his ware , giving it to his fellow to carry it home , and he stayed behinde with his hand in his pocket , making as if he would pay him . He searcheth both the sides , of his hose , drawing out first a great purse , next a little one , afterwards a hand-kerchertyed in knots with some papers folded up , with which he inchanted the Clown , and gave his companion time and leasure enough to get him out of fight , and at last not finding in all his budgets the whole summe , he bids the Clowne follow him and he should pay him . The Clown was content , and beginneth to follow him with diligence , and almost on the trot , because that as my Companion had an intention , to get out of sight crossing the streets and lanes he walk't a ▪ pace with posting speede . But seeing himselfe so closely followed by the Clown he went into the Cloister of the Austin Friers , where there were some Friers confessing folkes , and having made a devout prayer , hee turned himselfe towards the Clown , saying to him , My friend , the provision that you have sold me is for this House , and that Father , who is there a confessing is the Proctour , I will goe tell him that he must pay you ; and speaking thus , he comes to one of the Confessors : with the Clown after him , and turning a little aside hee put sixe pence into his hand , and whispers him in the eare saying , Father , this country man is one of my acquaintance , and commeth hither to be confest , he lives sixe miles hence , and he must of necessitie goe backe to his house this evening , I beseech you to do me the favour to confesse him out of hand and let him goe . The good Father obliged by the almes given aforehand , promist him , that when hee had ended the penitents confession whom he had at his feete , hee should dispatch him presently . With this answer , he called to the Clown , and said to him , friend , the Father will dispatch you by and by , when he hath made an end of confessing this man , to which the Father added goe , not hence , I will give you content presently . With these words my companion parted from them , and the Country-man staid , reckoning on his fingers the money that hee should lay out on shooes , hat and other trifles which hee minded to buy as well for himselfe , as for his familie out of his Poultry money . The penitent makes an end of his confession , and the father makes a signe to the Clown to draw neere ; the Clown was not in so trembling a perplexitie , with so great hast as those who come to confession , which the good father was much offended at , it seeming to him that he had little devotion and lesse humility to be confest . The Clown stood bolt upright , looking heedfully upon the Confessor , to see if he should put his hand in his pocket , and the Confessor look't upon the Clown in like manner , astonisht to see him stand with so little devotion . Notwithstanding excusing him because of simplicitie which is ordinarie to these Country people , hee biddes him , kneele . The Clowne at the beginning made some resistance , thinking it to be an extraordinarie ceremonie for one to kneele to receive money , neverthelesse at last he did it though grumbling . The father bids him make the signe of the Crosse , and say his confession , whereat the Clown lost all patience , beleeving the Confessor to be out of his wits , and standing up beginneth to mumble within his teeth and to sweare with great obstinacie . This assured the Confessor that the Clown was possest with a Devill , and having made the signe of the Crosse beginneth to conjure him , putting S. Austins girdle about his head , and saying some devout prayers , with which the Clowne went out of his wits , taking the good Father by the surplis and casting him down upon the ground , demanding aloud mony for his poultry . The father supposing that hee had all the fiends of Hell together upon him , beginneth to say , the Letanie with a weake and affrighted voyce , and to commend himselfe to all the Saints in the Almanacke , praying them to aid him . At the clamour and noise , the whole Convent began to be troubled , all the Monkes comming out in procession with the Crosse and the Candlestickes , casting holy water on every side , and beleeving that there was a Legion of Devils in the Church , They came thither where the Confessour was at debate with the Clown , who still was asking money , for his Poultry , & the Prior having asked the Cōfessour concerning this accident & having also heard the Clownes reason , the justice of them both was discover'd with my Cōpanions wicked deede . In the end some devout persons who were in the Church , paid the Clown his monies who went backe contented unto his house . CHAP. VIII . The Theefe continueth the differences among Theeves with three disgraces that befell him . THe Cut-purses are the commonest Theeves of our Common-weale , who have an endlesse deale of meanes and wayes to steale . All their studie consisteth in thrusting their hand in the pocket of whom they approach , and cunningly to draw his Purse from him ( he not perceiving it ) with all that hee hath in it . These haunt the Churches , Sermons , Faires , Assemblies & publicke meetings , that they may worke their feate in the throng , he that takes the purse gives it presently to another that is by him , that if he should be taken with his hand in his pocket , he might prove them lyars and cleare himselfe before all the world . I will tell you a wittie tricke which I once plotted , though it fell out but badly by me , seeing that the heedfulnesse , with which you hearken to me , makes me know that you are not wearie to heare me . The last yeere there came to London a Marchant of Italie , rich , courteous and of good carriage , who being in rouled by our spies I tooke the charge upon me to deale with him . I rose that day betimes in the morning , lest I should lose the occasion , and after I had dog'd him through many streets , Lanes and Churches ( for he was verily a good Christian ) wee came to a crowd of Marchants wont to be kept in the Exchange about eleven a clock , seeing him alone , I came to him , talking to him of a bargaine very profitable & certaine , which made him open his eyes , and listen heedfully to my reasons . Then seeing him thus fitted to my inventions , I winded him gently into a Maze of difficulties , in such sort , that I never ceast to declare to him the businesse , nor he to learne the circumstances . My Camerade then drew neare making shew as if he knew me not ; and to be desirous to interpret the traffick for him which I had propounded , whereupon the Marchant began to take no more heede to me , and I to thinke evermore of him . I put secretly my fingers in his pocket to try the depth and breadth thereof , & perceived that it and its Masters little care gave me free liberty to put in all my hand . I did so and at the first essay , I drew his purse , at the second a silver Watch , which he carried tied to a small goldchaine , with which I might have bin content if stealing could be limited . I was resolved to try the third time , to see if I could draw thence a Holland hankercher , which before he had shewed edged with curious bonelace , but I could not be so nimble to draw it , nor my Companion to hold him in talke , but he felt me , and running to save his pocket with his hand he could not misse but meete with mine , wherewith being vext and suspitious , he presently knew that he had lost his purse and his Watch , and not finding them he tooke me by the necke , crying A theefe A theefe . I foreseeing the evill that might befall mee ( for Astrologie is very necessary for a Theefe ) had given the purse and Watch from underneath my cloake to my companion , as soone as ever I had drawne it , who was but only two steps from me : Wherefore with the assurance that I had , that he would finde about me that which he sought , I scorned all he said , giving him the lie a thousand times . The Marchant holding me fast by the coller , with a loude voyce calling for his purse , in such fort that he made all upon the place to gather together . But my Camerade seeing that my honor runne a great hazard , if the businesse should be proved amongst so many people , secretly calls a crier who was at a corner of the place , whom he made cry , If any one had lost a purse and a silver Watch , that he should come to him , & give true tokens therof , he would restore them , and withall departed the place . Hardly was the sound of the first cry heard but my good Italian let me goe , intreating me with great humilitie to forgive him the rash judgement conceived of me , which I did at the request of the companie , and presently got me out of sight . He went as nimble as a Roe to seeke for the cryer , and having found him he gave the true tokens of his losse , but he that had bid him doe it could not be found any more ; and so I escaped this dangerous accident . The Duendes a Larins so called for the likenesse that they have with the spirits of this name , begin to walke through the towne in the evening , and finding some doore open , they enter softly , hiding themselves in the Cellar , in the stable , or in some other dark secret place , to the end they may throw out at windowes all that is in the house , when those within are fast a-sleepe . I adventured once to play such a pranke , and turne my selfe in an Angell of darkenesse , but I was deceived . It fell out then , that one night on the Eeve of a high holy-day I went to seeke my fortune , my mishap made me meete with a doore halfe open , into which thrusting my head I saw that all my body might enter , I went up a paire of staires to a great Chamber well furnisht and fitted , and thinking that it was a safe course for me to hide my selfe under a bed , while these of the house were gone to rest , I did so . After foure houres that I had laien all along on the flower , I heard a noyse of folks , comming up suddenly into the Chamber , you neede not aske if I was heedfull to see who they were , and by and by with the light of a Candle I saw the feete of two footmen and one maide laying the cloth with great diligence , and were making of a fire , because the Master of the house was to suppe there . The table furnish't with sundry dishes of meate , foure or five sate downe , besides the children that were in the house . I was then so affrighted and confounded , that I thinke verily if the noise of their voyces and the great number of children had not hindred them , they might have heard plainely the beating of my joynts , because my buttockes beate so hard one against the other , that I thinke the noise might have bin heard halfe a mile off . By mischance there was a little dogge , that runne about gnawing the bones that fell from the table , and one of the children having thrown him a bone , a Cat that watch't under the table was more nimble to catchit with which she run away to hide her under the bed , the dog grinning and pressing to take the bone from her , but the Cat could so well use her clawes and defend her prize , that having given the Dog on the nose two or three blowes with her paw , there began so great a skirmish , and there was such a hurly burly between them , that one of the waiters tooke a great fireshouell that was in the Chimney and cast it so furiously under the bed , that if , as it gave me over the nose with the broad side , it had lighted on me with the end , it had kill'd me out-right . The blow was so great , that I was above halfe an houre ere I could come to my selfe , but it made the Cat come out like a thunder from under the bed , and the Dog staied grinning and barking with such a fury that neither fawning nor threatning of mine could quiet him , wherat the waiters at table were so vext that they began to chase him out , throwing fire-brands at him , which made him come out from under the bed , and leave me there in the pangs of death . The Dogges noise was done , and there began another in my guts , so violent , that to stay the sudden rumbling of a flux in my belly , which the apprehension and feare had moved I was constrained to sneeze thrice , & with the force of my sneezing to wrong my breeches by the liberty of that unjust violence . These two noises met together , and making one of two , increast so much the force , that it made all at table rise , and take off the Candles , to fee what was this novelty . They pulled me out , but I could give no reason that could be heard , nor humble suing that could be admitted , so I remained subject to the rigour of their vengeance , they stript me starke naked and binding me hand and foote , they began to scorch me with a lighted Torch not without loud laughing , and after they had satisfied their furious passion , they put me in the hands of Iustice , out of whose power I escaped signed and sealed . The Mallettes are a sort of theeves who hazard themselves upon great perills and inconveniences , for they are made up in a bale , basket or dry fat , faining that it is certaine Marchandise sent over , which they make some one or other of their friends in Marchants apparell carrie from one house to another , that when night commeth and every one being fast a sleepe , he cutteth the cloth with a knife , hee breaketh forth to empty the house . I was one of those when the fourth disgrace befell me , because a friend of mine having counterfeited to have foure bales to be laid by night in a rich goldsmithes house , counsel'd me to be pack't up in one of them , covering the sides thereof with cloth and webs of fustian . The goldsmith made no difficultie to receive them , forsomuch as he had not them in keeping but a little while , and that he thought , if the owner in the meane time should happen to die , some one of them might fall to his share , so he made them to be laid in his backe-shop , whereby I was well assured to worke my feate . I waited while night with such desires as that plot deserved , which notwithstanding fell out to my disgrace ; for three or foure prentises meeting that night in the house , of intention to tarrie there upon occasion of the bales , resolving to lay them together , and lye upon them . After supper , every one withdrew himselfe . The prentises fitting the unhappy bed , or to say rather , the bale , in which I was in the middle of the others , on which they began to sleepe so soundly , that one might have drawne them a mile and never awakened them . I being impatient of the exceeding great weight that I felt , not daring to stirre my selfe more then I had bin dead ; and on the other part the little breath that I had , being choaked , I began to stirre my selfe a little , and seeing the unmoveable weight of that which was on me ; I certainly beleeved that they had layd a bale upon me ; with which imagination , and the extreme anguish that I suffred , I drew a sharpe knife , and thrusting it up , I made a great hole in the tillet of the bale , and a huge deepe wound in the buttocks of him that lay upon me . Hee rose like a thunder raising his voyce to the heavens , calling for neighbours helpe and the Iustices aide , thinking that some one of his companions would have kill'd him . The confused noise of all the neighbours , and the alarum was so great , that ere the Master of the house had lighted a candle , the Iustice beating open the doore came in , and finde the poore wounded fellow in his shirt bleed and faint , and the other vexed and confounded , takes the deposition of him that was wounded never taking notice of the bale , nor comming neere it , thinking that it was not needful to know the place where hee was hurt . But the goldsmith , who attentively hearkened to the Iustice , and beheld the circumstances of the fact , seeing the poore-hurt fellow all bloudie , supposed that the bales and the cloth in them might be bloudy and spoil'd and he bound to pay them , and with this unquietnesse he came neere to looke on the bale , and seeing it cut thrust in his fingers to trie if nothing was spoil'd , and he mist not to finde my bearde . I could very well have bitten him if I had thought it had bin the best of my play , but I lay quiet , thinking that he would never guesse what it was . He held the torch nigher to the hole , and stooping to see that he had touch't , the waxe began to melt and drop upon my face , which forced me to remove a little , and him to marre all , crying aloud . Theeves , Theeves . The Iudge came neere , who was yet making one write the deposition of the hurt man , and opening the bale , they found one within it . They carried me to prison , whence I came out at the seventh day after at a cartes taile well accompanied , beside other favours that they did me , whereof the greatest was to condemne me to the gallies . All the aforesaid Theeves have ordinarily their spies at Exchanges , Faires and common Markets , viewing all that goe and come , and learning what money they carrie , how much , and in what sort , where they leave it , and in what hands , to give notice thereof to the companie . And herein there is such diligence , and so great care , that there commeth not any stranger to the towne , but in a quarter of an houre after he is registred in our booke with all his qualities : to wit , whence he commeth whither hee goeth , and what is his trafficke : and if there be any negligence herein , the spies that have these places of the Citie in their charge , lose the profit and gaine that should come to them that day , out of the common purse , beside a shamefull reproofe which our Captaine giveth them in presence of all the other Theeves . ( *⁎* ) CHAP. IX . Wherein the Theefe relateth his wittie diligence to free himselfe out of the Gallies of Marseiles . YOu may thinke , I had no great maw to that journey , which these Gentlemen commanded me towards Marseils , sith there could be no pleasure in that which is done upon constraint . Neverthelesse I obeyed with great resolution , hoping that fortune would offer some good occasion to set me at libertie : so all my studie and care was onely to finde out the means to attaine to this end . And having tried many which came to no effect , he practized one which might have hapned well , if fortune had bin content with my past troubles , and had not made mee fall any more in the tryall thereof . The invention then was on this wise . The Captaine of the Gallie , where I was slave , being exceedingly in love with a Lady of good ranke , and she in no wise loving him , hee tried all meanes ( though impossible ) to bring her to his bow , and as is usuall with Lovers to be the more inflamed when they finde their beloved hard to be won , the Ladies extreme coldnesse was burning coales to the Captaine , in such sort that he never enjoyed rest but when he was talking of his love . I having got knowledge by the report of a slave that went daily to my Masters house , there to carrie water , wood , and other necessaries , determined to try my fortune , and not lose the occasion . So I spake him kindly , promising him that if he would faithfully ayde me , that he might hope assuredly for his liberty , whereof I would as well make him certaine as of mine own . The good Antony , ( for so the slave was called , ) put so much trust in my words , hearing me speake of libertie which I had promist him , that waited but for the houre to be employed in that which I did intreate him , and he thought there was not time enough ; hoping with great impatiēce , that I should declare to him that which he was to doe for me : who seeing him so well minded on my behalfe , and otherwise sillie , faithfull and true , I shewed him my resolution , recommending to him secrecie , and wisedome above all things . I said thus unto him , My friend Antony , know that it is long since I have desired to impart a secret to thee , which I will tell thee of : but as all things require wisedome , patience , and the occasion , I have not done till now ; because I thought it not fitting till now to do it : as also , because not being so satisfied ( as I am this present ) of thy goodnesse , seeing , as the Proverb saith , one should eate a bushell of salt with his friend ere he trust him . Thou knowest well our Masters love with this Lady that dwelleth by the great Church , and how much he is out of kelter for her , yet never having received one favour of her , after so long time spent in her service , and so many Duckets spent in vaine for love of her . Now if I should finde a meane and assured invention , to make him without the spending of one shilling , or troubling her doores enjoy his pleasure , what reckoning would the Captain make of this service , and what reward would he give him who should bestow on him that which he so earnestly desireth ? Verily ( answered Antonie ) I hold for certaine that he would turne foole at his contentment , and not only would he give thee thy libertie , but also to all those for whom thou shalt aske . Go to friend , said I , if thou hast any particular acquaintance with some one of them who are most familiar and best liked in the Captaines house , thou must acquaint him with this businesse , that he may tell him , and assure him that I will doubtlesse doe that I promise , and I counsell thee that it be not delayed . The content which Antony received was so great , that without bidding me farewell , nor answering me one word , he went from me like a lightning intreating a souldier of the Gallie , that he would bring him into the Captaines house , to talke with him of a matter of great importance . He was there , and could give order for my businesse , that halfe an houre after , the Governour of the house came to the Master of the Gallie , charging him to send me with a souldier to the Captaine , because he would see me . The quicke effect which Antonies diligence wrought , gave me extreme great contentment , and made me hope that so good a beginning would bring my designes to a happie end . Finally , I was at my Captaines house , tattard , torne , and naked , and with a great chaine tyed to my foote . He comming to meete me , as if I had bin a man of great ranke , and laying his hand upon my shaven head , began to talke kindly to me , asking me what country-man I was , what was my name , and why I was condemned to the Gallies . And I having answered him in a dissembling manner , and lying the best I could , he drew me aside , to a corner of the Chamber , asking if that which Antony had promist him , was certaine , Sir , answered I him , I know not what he hath said , nor what promise he hath made , yet I will tell you , that if he hath spoken according to that which I told him , all is true , without failing one tittle . Sir , I told him , that if you would promise to release me out of this distresse which I indure , and to give me my libertie freely and wholly , I should make you injoy the love which you desire with so great passion and which so torments you , I promise you moreover and assure you , that making this condition with you , if I performe not my promise you shall my head cut off , or throw me into the sea . Thou bindest thy selfe greatly ( said he with a smiling countenance , alreadie desirous to see the effect of my promise ) but if thou art a man of so great knowledge and skill , that thou canst doe this for me , this Gallie wherinthou art shall be thy fortune , for I shall not onely be content to give thee thy libertie but I will make thee one of my houshold servants , and the best respected of them all . But tell me , after what manner canst thou doe it ? Sir , you shall know ( said I ) that I was bred with a great Astrologer , who under pretence to cast Horoscops and Nativities dissembled his Magicke with so great craft , that there was not any one in the world that suspected him . He made use of me in some of magicall experiences , supposing because I was young and of a dull wit I would understand nothing of the secrets of his Art . But he was deceived there , because though I seemed foolish and ignorant , yet I had an eye on all his tryalls , and I studied them so well , that many love secrets stucke in my memorie , amongst which I have one most certaine and approved , with-which if a woman were harder then the Adamant , I will make her softer then the waxe . In such sort that the secret which I propound to you is Magicall , not naturall , and it is requisite to have some haires of the party beloved , to put it in execution ; with which , and with some Ceremonies that must be performed , the Gentlewomans heart will be so set on fire , that she shall take no rest , but when she is with or thinketh of her beloved . Notwithstanding this must be done in the night , at the waxing of the Moone , and in the fields , there being but only three in the companie , and these stout and resolute , that cannot be dismaied nor frighted , fall out what may , or whatsoever they see . If , saith the Captaine , that to further the businesse there needeth no other thing but a good heart , we shall easily have our desire , for though all Hell should stand before me , it were not able to make me give backe so much as one step , nor once to change my colour , or countenance : and for the haires that thou hast mentioned , I will give thee as much as thou shalt desire . I know Sir , ( answered I ) by your face that your naturall inclination is very fit for Magicke , and if you had studied it , you would worke wonders by it . So now seeing the time favoureth us , and that you have the Ladies haire , let us not suffer this waxing of the Moone to passe with bringing our businesse to passe . You may goe out on horsebacke , and he also that shall accompanie you , as for me , though ill bestead with the weight of this chaine , I will not forbeare to goe a foote . All shall be in readinesse ( saith the Captaine ) against thursday night , & sith experience hath made thee Master in this Art , prepare thee well and studie that which thou oughtest to doe , to the end that our designe may not be lost by negligence or little care ; and for the present get thee backe to the Gallie ; for I will send to thee by the governour of my house who shall be the third of our companie , a faithfull man , couragious & valiant , and if there neede any thing to this purpose , thou maist in the meane time provide thee , for I will take order that all be paid that thou shalt buy . With this good answer I parted from my Master more joyfull and merrie then the flourishing Spring seeing my businesse thrive so well at so good a passe , and being returned to the Gallie I found my good Antony , who waited for me with great impatience to know what I had bargain'd with the Captaine , and upon what termes my affaires stood , to whom I related all that we had agreed upon , and the kindnesse that he received me withall in accepting my promise , assuring him that when I was in favour , the next thing I asked should be his libertie . Hardly had I begun my discourse , but I perceiued the Governour of the Captaines house entring the Gallie , his visage inflamed , his eyes staring and dansing , and he running , as he had quickesilver in his heeles , asked where I was , and having perceived me , and drawne me aside , he said to me , I am Governour of the house to the Captaine of this Gallie , who hath commanded me to come hither , and to know of thee all that shall be necessarie for the businesse that you talked of , dispose and appoint at thy pleasure , for I have money for all , and because that I may offer thee something in my own behalfe , take this crown of gold which I give thee as a token of that friendship which shall be between us , and I assure thee that thou shalt have a good friend of me at the Captains hands . But as reason would thou must answer me with mutuall acknowledgment , in doing some thing for me . You shall binde me much Sir , ( I answered him then very humbly , ) having disparaged your selfe so much in regard of him , who is so farre unequall : consider in what my weakenesse and my povertie can serve you , for I will performe it with all my soule . I will not , saith the Governor , that thou hazard thy soule , because it is Gods , but I would faine intreatthee , that with thy secrets and thy skill thou wouldst helpe me to purchase the favour of a Gentlewoman of good ranke whom I have loved now these five yeares , and because I am of somewhat a meaner condition then she there is no meane to make her heare me and if it were possible to give two blowes with one stone it would be be an extreme great contentment to me , & thou shouldst binde me to thee , not only as a friend , but as a slave . Now the Moone is waxing , and the time very fit , so that I thinke there is no neede to make any more ceremonies for my mistresse than for the Captaines , and if you must have of her haire , see here are some , for it is above a yeare that I carried them about me , keeping them as reliques . And drawing a paper out of his pocket put one of her locks into my hand . I who desired no other thing but that the third of our companie should be also so besotted , that the businesse might fall out well , I was in a manner beside myselfe with contentment , which I could not hide nor dissemble without shewing some signes in my countenance of being troubled , by which he tooke occasion to aske me what it was that troubled me . To whom I answer'd , Sir , I feare that if the Captaine should know that I doe anything for you he would be vexed with me , and I should lose this good opportunitie in which lyeth no lesse then my libertie ; this consideration is that which troubleth me , not want of desire to serve you . And who will tell it him , saith he then ? The Divell , answered I , that never sleepes , but happen what may , I am resolved to serve you , though I should lose the Captaines good-will , seeing it is the first thing that you have commanded me . As for that which concernes the Captains busines & yours , you must buy a new sacke , a small corde , and another bigge one of Hempe , foure ells long , a new knife , a chaine and a brush , and these you shall buy without making any price , that is to say , that you shall give for them whatsoever the Marchant shall aske without beating of the price : and assure your selfe , that within a seven-night , you shall enjoy your love with great liberty . Thou givest me greater content with this answer , saith the Governour of the house , than if the King had given me a pension of a thousand crownes a yeare , doe that which thou promisest , & thou shall see what I will doe for thee . And embracing me kindly he went away full of hope and joy , leaving me the most contented man of the world , seeing that if in this prison I had sought an occason which might have fallen out better for my ease , it had bin impossible for me to finde it , for as well my Captaine as the Governour of the house were so blinded besotted and fool'd , that if I should have call'd the day night they would have beleeved it . On the contrarie my heart throb'd a thousand waies , considering into what a maze I should thrust myselfe , if the businesse succeeded not , neverthelesse I made a vertue of necessitie , using that remedie which is ordinarie with these that are in any extremity , which is boldnesse and resolution . With this good courage I waited for the Thursday , which came more joyfull and fairer then the Spring , though it was slow , because of the desire they had to injoy their Mistresses , and mine to get out of the harbour by the cheating trickes that I put upon them , it seem'd to us the longest day of all the yeare . Every time the clocke struck , they despaired , fearing to misse the telling of the houres , as these do who hope for a thing that they earnestly desire ; and after this care they were in anextacie considering what they would do in the possession of their loves , as if they had alreadie verily past the night and overcome the difficulty . This doubting and hammering of theirs served me well to my purpose , that they might not perceive the gulleries that I put upon them , and the smoake that I sold them . Whereby I finde that those who paint Love blinde , have great good reason for them , because that , if they not bin so , they would have perceived all my promises to be nothing but winde , and that the meanes which I propounded to them were for no other end but to gull . them . *⁎* CHAP. X. In which he proceedeth to relate his invention , begun with some discourses of Love , between the Governour of the house and this Gallieslave . THe night being come which be a day for me , inlightning the heaven with infinite numbers of starres so bright and resplendent , that they dazeled the light of the day , and filled my soule with joy : when my honest Governour enters the Gallie , brave , Gallant and clothed with the best apparell that he had , because that amongst other directions that I had given as well to him as to his Master , the chiefe was that they should be fine & brave , as being a thing most requisite and necessarie for Magick skill ; and having saluted me with close embracements he said to me , friend , that thou maist know that I can doe what I will at the Captaines hands , and that I want not good will to help thee , thou shalt know that through my intreatie he gives thee leave to leave off thy chaine for this night , and it may be , for ever , that thou maist walke with greater libertie , and performe thy businesse and what is necessarie for it , and though the Captaine made some difficultie , I dealt so earnestly that I obtained this favour in earnest of that which I desire to do for thee . I who then was more knavish and more dissembled then foolish , fell into some suspition imagining that this liberalitie offered ere it was desired , was fained , and but only to try me , wherfore I answered him , Sir I thanke you for the care you have had of me obtaining of my Master that he will take off my chaine , a favour which I would kindly accept , if it were possible , but it is not , because I must not change the estate that I am in , nor one point of that which is of my estate ; it being necessarie that he , who shall make this tryall , must make in the same estate & apparell that he is accustomed to weare : and so I may not goe but in mine owne clothes & with the chaine because otherwise we shall do nothing . The Governour was not a little contented with my answer , being assured that there was in me no kinde of deceite nor malice , but the pure and simple truth , & pittying me beleeved assuredly , that there was more passion in my words then Iustice , he embraced me the second time saying , friend , God who is wont to give the salve according to the wound , hath brought thee to this Gallie , that by it thou mightst come to the knowledge of my Master , and enjoy the speciall favours which thou shouldst promise to thy selfe from his liberalitie , if the businesse fall out well . How well ? answered I him , hath the Captaine any suspition that I would deceive him ? No by the world answer'd the Governour , seeing that though thou wouldst doe it , thou couldst not : but it is the great desire that we both have to soften the hardnesse of these she-Tygers , and to turne them to our love , that makes us thinke that impossible which is easie for thee to doe , and this is usuall amongst Lovers . I never was one , ( answer'd I , and though I should be more in love then was Narcissus , I should never perswade my selfe that day were night , that oxen flie , and other fantasticall imaginations , that haunt Lovers , which rather may be called follies and idle thoughts then love-passions . It well appeareth that his darts have not strucke thee , saith the Governour , for if thou hadst tried them , thou wouldst not have spoken with so great freedome and so little trouble . Know friend , that Physitians ranke this disease amongst Melancholike passions , into which the diseased falleth , beleeving that which is not , and framing a thousand phantasies and visions which have no other ground but their perverse and corrupt imagination , which workes the same effect in Lovers , giving them an impression of jealouse , to an other of disdaine , to an other of favour , making a mountaine of nothing , all which is bred of a burning desire which they have to possesse that which they love . But to be willing to perswade this unto him who hath not tried it , is to desire to draw water with a sive , and to weigh the earth . I am no Doctor , Master Governour , I answer'd him , nor yet Batcehler , because being left yong , friendlesse and poore , I lived also without knowledge , having only foure words of Latin . Neverthelesse by the use of reason well knowen of all sciences , I understood the smal reason that Lovers have to be so oft troubled upon so small occasion as they are troubled , because of necessitie their affections tend to two points , to wit , that the woman must be good or evil faithfull or disloyall . If she be good , faithfull & answerable to your affection in mutuall love , it is a great follie to be jealous over her : if she be unfaithfull and known for such a one , there needs no other counsel , but not to trust her nor love her . Whence may be cōcluded that all the accidents to which you say lovers are subject , are the overflowings of follie , and wants of wit , it being a notable extravagancie to love one that hateth , this being supposed that hatred cannot be the subject of love , nor love of hatred , seeing we ordinarily love them that bind us thereto by their love . If it went by experience , saith the Governor thou wilt lose thy cause , because usually they hate these that love them best , taking the sight of a dying man for the occasion of their hate , and it is a voice in them now a dayes turned into a nature , to shun those that follow them , and to abhorre those who adore them , as the Captaine and I have hitherto made a long and unhappy tryall . Thinke not so Master Governour , I answer'd , that you have made a good conclusion ; for if you will have the patience to heare me , I will make you see clearely in what your arguments faile , and know that love ceaseth not to love nor hatred to hate , there being no law of nature , and he that foster'd you in this philosophy , hath fed you with bad milke , because that Love alone not being accompanied with other circumstances , which are to be proportionable and reasonable is not all the motive of an other love . That Princesse of noble bloud should be tyed to love a Porter , that dieth for her , onely because he adoreth her . I deny your proposition , she is no wise bound to doe it , nor her well to affect him , the object that might move her not being in him . As a Prince hateth to the death a poore damsell , because she depiseth him , being unwilling to give consent to his wanton love , whence it may be gathered that neither the Porters love shall in any case tye the Princesse wil , nor Damsels scorne shall breed hatred in the Princes minde . Seeing that in love is found the good , the profit and pleasure which are the hookes with which the will is taken , then it is the motive of love , and the Lady shal not be able to hate him , who loveth her upon these conditions , but therein being unequalitie and dishonour , she may do it . You shall more clearely perceive this in hatred , because when a man dieth for a Gentle-woman , & she hates him exceedingly , this hate is not that which inflames his love , but the account she makes of her honour & the feare of shame if she should consent to the pleasure of him that loveth her , which consideration makes her coole and backward and him extreamely passionate . Whence it is concluded , that the woman offendeth not in hating him that worships her , nor any man ought to hate such a woman that disdaineth him . This thy Philosophie , my friend , answered the Governour , is framed of moe words than learning , and I could refute it by plaine reasons , if time did afford us leasure , but the houre is already come , & the Captaine will looke for us , only I would intreate thee to be mindfull of me as a friend , making thy inchantment of equall power with the crueltie of the Gentlewoman of whom I have spoken to thee . Away with this care , Sir , answerd I , for I will doe it in such sort , that though your Mistresse were harder-hearted & more frozen then the Alpes , she should be turned into a Mountaine of fire , hotter then Mount Aetna of Sicile . I beleeve so , said the Governour , but I cannot chuse but wonder why thou being so cunning a fellow didst not enchant the Iudge to be in love with thee and not have condemned thee to the Gallies . If this secret were good for a man , said I , a hundred yeares a goe I had bin a Duke or a Governour of some Province , if I had not bin a Monarch . It is not good but for women , because he that first found it out , gave it this vertue only . That alone sufficeth me , saith the Governour , if with it I can soften that adamant , but with the hope that thou hast given me , I hold the victorie as certaine , and I hinder my selfe that I doe not see to morrow already . With these words we came to the other side of the harbour where my kinde Captain waited for us with great impatience and unquietnesse , by whom I was very well received , & he asking me why the Governour had not taken off my chaine , as he had charged him , I answerd him the same things , which I had before answered the Governour , wherewith he was exceeding wel contented . They leapt both on horse backe , & I followed them at leasure , because of the waight of my chaine , and being about a league from Marselles we arrived at the place appointed . They lighted down , and tying their horses at a tree , we with drew our selves together to the place where our tryall was to be made , & taking them with some necessary ceremonies , and telling them what they should say , I made a Circle on the ground whispering I cannot tell what strange and uncouth words , and turning my selfe often , sometimes towards the East , sometimes to the West , with some ceremonies so unusuall , that they made the Captaine and his Governor of the house both of them astonisht and fearefull . At halfe an houres end after that I had gone turning about like a foole , I made the Captaine goe within it , charging him to say after me , who was so obedient and so forward to all that I would have him , that if I had then cut off his mustaches , he would have beleeved that it was needfull for the inchantment . I made him strip himselfe , teaching him to say certaine words to every parcell of his clothes which he put off , which he pronounced so exactly that he lost not one syllable , beleeving that if he had missed in one jote he should have marred all this businesse , With this ceremonie I stript him to his shirt , he never making any shew of feare nor suspition , being assured that he was safe enough by the presence of the Governour , who was much astonisht to see them finish'd , it seeming to him that there should neither be time enough nor inchantment sufficient for himselfe . Pitty so moved my heart that I could not take off his shirt , having compassion of his innocencie , because it was then the coldest time of all the winter , and either through feare or cold , such a vehement quivering and shaking of all his joynts tooke him , with such a chattering of his teeth , that the noise thereof might have bin heard halfe a mile from the place . I comforted and encouraged him , with the shortnesse and quick dispatch of the inchantment , and the assured possession of his love , injoyning him in the meane time to be silent , and telling him that if he spake but one word , we should be presently in lesse then the twinkling of an eye all of us in Barbary . He then being in this plight , that is to say , naked in his shirt , I gave him a knife in his hand , commanding him to make some stabs towards the foure quarters of the world , at every one uttering some words , & for the conclusion I made him goe into the sacke . That which I then saw with mine eyes was a wonder & a miracle of God , because I alwaies imagined , that as he was going into the sacke he should suspect something , & that all mine invention shuld come to nothing : but a little lambe is not more obedient nor more milde than he was , because that without any resistance or shew of mistrust , he went in , being still assured by the presence of his Governour , and the ignorance he had of his loves ; Which was good for me ; for if he had known that the Governour was to be inchāted also , he had never gone into the sacke . Finally having packed up the poore Captain , I laid him along upon the ground with his belly upwards , tying the sacks mouth with a cord that was by me , & speaking still to the Governor to encourage him , and wishing him to have patience a quarter of an houre the enchantment was to last . So having left him in this taking , the Governour and I went aside about a stones cast who said to me in an exceeding great pelting chafe , I wil lay a wager that thou hast forgotten something of my businesse , for here I see neither sacke nor knife for me , as for the Captaine . Here is no need of a sacke , said I , because your Magicall experiences are made stronger or weaker , according to the greater or lesser cruelty that Gentlewomen have : and the Captaines being exceeding disdainfull , I have made the enchantment of a sacke for her which is the strongest of all . Oh! brother , saith the Governor , what is this that thou hast done ? mine is hard-hearted , disdainfull a Tyger and a Lyonesse : for the Captaines , though she loves him not , notwithstanding shewes him some favour , and if it goes by disdaine , we neede a hundred sackes , not one only what shall we doe ? Be quiet Master Governor , said I then seeing him afflicted , for there is a remedy for all but death ; for that which is not in one threed shall be in a hundred . I will make with the haires and the cords a hanke which shall have no lesse force then the Captaines sacke , and for as much as your Mistresse is so cruel as you say , I wil adde thereto a small matter which shall make her , that she shall never be able to take rest while she see you . It is that which I looke for , my friend , answerd hee , let us martyr her in such sort , that my love may torment her thoughts & her memory , & performe my businesse quickly , before my Masters be ended . Speaking thus we came to the roote of a tree , the place at which I had told him that his inchātment should be made , and in an instant making a circle , & teaching him what he should doe , I made him goe into it starke naked to the skin , because I had neede of a shirt . Having him there in this fashion , I tooke his Mistresse haires , & twisting them with a cord I made a big roule , with which I tyed his hands to the stumpe of a tree , shewing him the mysterie that was hid in every ceremonie , & I would faine also have tied his feete , if I had not feared that hee should have suspected this to be rather the fact of a Robber then of a Magitian , but as his hands were enough for my purpose I would do no more . Finally having made thē dumb naked & boūd , defended frō the sharpnes of the cold aire with the onely fire of Love , that burned in their heart , there was no body that could hinder me to give two or three knocks at the lock of my chaine with a hammer that I carried in my pocket and taking their horses and clothes I got me out of sight & , being armed like another S. George I tooke the high way to Lions . CHAP. XI . In which the Theefe relateth the disgrace that happened to him , about a Chaine of Pearle . WIth the victorie of this dāgerous journey . I tooke the high way towards the town of Lyons , joyfull to see my self free , & the owner of foure and twentie double pistolls , which I found by the hazard in my Masters pockets with which and with their clothes being brave & gallant I went into the towne , & falling in love with as many brave Dames as were there : I talked of love to all that I met with , and receiving particular favours of some , because my presence and my clothes assured them that I was a man of some great house and of good ranke . True it is that to keep them in this errour , and to hold my selfe in the good account with which I had begun , I oftentimes visited the Merchants of greatest credit , telling them , that I lookt for some Merchandise from Venice , and promising to deale with , I made them in love with me , and they trusted my words as much as my outside and my honest looks did deserue . By which & by counterfeit noblenesse , some Gentlewomen tooke occasiō to be as far in love with me , as Thys be was with Piramus , to whom I gave correspondence in the best manner , though I understood that I was not so blinded with love but this colour'd goodwil , & these fained sighs tended rather for my monies then for any good quality or beauty , of mine . But as there is nothing that can resist the kinde alluremēts by which a woman maketh warre against him , whom she minded to deceive I suffered my selfe a little to be carried away by amorous shewes of a Gentlewoman of the towne , merry , pleasant & who entertained me best though she was none of the fairest : who making shew that she was taken with my love , in a short time emptied my poore purse , leaving me like an Image wrapt up in velvet . I pressed also to binde her by allmeanes possible answerable to her fained affection , not so much for my contentment , as for that she was provided with fine knackes , which she had bin accustomed to aske of any new lover such as are chaines , rings bracelets , & above all a chain of Pearle , so bigge , round & bright , that at the very sight of them any man of courage would desire them : This friendship at first was very hot , & had a prosperous gale of winde , but as soone as she perceived the weakenesse of my purse , she struck the sailes of her good-will , & began to looke upon me with a crosse & sowre countenance , an accident which in some sort put me in doubt , & made me distrust that I should never work my feate , which I had projected at the beginning of her loves . So before that any falling out or vexing should rise between us , relying upon the kinde offers which a little before she had made me , making me understand , that not only her goods , but also her very life shuld be sacrificed to my friendship ; I requested her to pawn her chain or her Pearls for to contribute with her for the expences of the kitchin , assuring her that I looked for two thousand Ducats from a living which I had in my country . But as they are old and subtle in their trade so they are also in their distrust , and so she excused her selfe , saying that the Pearles and the chain were pawns of a friend of hers who was to come and redeeme them the next day , and that her honor should be greatly endangered if she had them not in readinesse . There needed no small art to cover the annoy which that crafty answere bred me , nor little wit to turne into jest such a plaine denyall . So without making any shew , or answering one word to that purpose , I fell a laughing most heartily over her shoulders , saying to her , that it was a device that I had framed to try her good will and to see if she would indeede confirme that which she had promist by her words , and drawing out of my pocket a counterfeit letter of Exchange , I made her reade it that she might see the power that was given me to take up eight hundred Ducats from a rich Marchant of Lyons , whom she knew well , wherewith comming to her selfe from her rugged coynesse , shee fell againe into her smiling humour , giving me a few light blowes on my cheeke , calling me distrustfull and mocker . I went away from her with a thousand embracings , making her beleeve , that I was going to receive a part of that sum , and God knowes what my heart was . But as povertie hath ever bin the mother of inventions , amongst many others which my imaginatiō afforded me , I choosed out one which was to sell my horse at any rate whatsoeever , being content only to have monie to live upon but three dayes , at the end of which I minded to have a fling at her Pearles , and so to get mee out of the way . But it happened quite contrarie to me ; I went to catch the wooll but I came backe fleec't which was the just judgement of God , and a righteous punishment of my fault . For though the Proverbe saith , He that steales from a Theefe winneth a hundred yeares of pardon : yet the theft that is done to women of this kinde , is not put upon this account . But it should be rather held for a great offence , because that for the monies they receive they sell their honor and reputation which cannot be redeem'd withall the treasures of the world . It came to passe then , that I returning in the evening to her house , and making my pockets jingle with the money that I had received for my horse , she met me with embracings , so smiling and kinde , that with her fauning and flatteries , shee made me almost beleeve , that the refusall she had made me of her Pearles , had beene but a tryall and proofe , which she would make of my affection . Finally order was given for making supper ready , with which and the tricks that I minded to put upon her , at the comming of my money , I resolved to change her in such sort , that in her first sleepe , I should have the commoditie to assault her , and shee never to perceive it . But my desires had not so good successe as I thought , because that such women know more then the Devill , particularly she , who as an old beaten beldame in her trade , there was no ambush nor deceit , which shee had not pried into . So the more I urged her to drinke , so much the more shee proved coy and backeward . Supper ended with all the joy that I could faine , and the hope which that good occasion promist me , we withdrawing our selves into her chamber , she began to untire her selfe with as much slownesse as it had beene her wedding night . But I desirous to arrive at the haven of my intention , to make her more carelesse and lesse suspitious I went to bed first , faining my selfe unable any more to withstand sleepe that urged me so eagerly . My disgrace was such , that shee distrusting the summe , that I had bragged to have received , and taking occasion by my dogges sleepe shee would search my pockets to trie if all was gold that glister'd , and if the nuts were answerable to the noise . But finding there was so little monie that it would scarcely furnish out the next dayes expence , she began to be vexed and to have an ill opinion of me . At all this ( though snorting ) I was more watchfull and more a hunting then a Cat when she watches a Mouse , spying in what place she laid her Pearles , that I might fish them incontinent when shee was fallen asleepe . She lay downe sad and confounded , thinking on the small summe of mony , that shee had found , and oft-times sighing . Whereof I would in no wise aske the cause , as knowing it well enough , and not desirous to let her from sleeping which I so much desired and long'd for . So a quarter of an houre after , which was the time that in my conceit , shee was past all thinking of it any further , I thought of mine owne designes , weighing well all the inconveniencies which might fall out , amongst which I considered the suspition , conceived by her to be most difficult , it seeming to me that she would not sleepe but by halfes , and that seeing the least appearance of that shee imagined , shee would raise the house with her cryes , and put all the neighbours in armes . But amongst many inventions , there came a subtle one in my minde , and most fit for the purpose to this fact , which was , not to hide the Pearles in any part of my clothes , but to swallow them one and one , being assured that having past them through my body they would come forth more cleere and bright then of before , and that in this manner though all came to the worst , the Iustice would set mee free not finding the Pearles about mee . This thought , in my opinion seemed admirable good , and thinking that she was asleepe , seeing shee sighed no more , nor shewed any more her unquietnesse . I rose as softly , as was possible , going barefooted and at leasure to the place , where she had left her Pearles , and having found them , I began to swallow them one after another , though with some difficultie , I being narrow throated , and they very big . My ill lucke was that while I was , about to swallow the last , it stucke in my weazand so unhappily , that it could neither goe foreward nor backward , I was forced to cough with some violence , and to awake her with my coughing , shee calls upon me with teares and astonisht , and I dissembling the best I could the hinderance of my weazand , answered her that I was seeking for the Chamber-pot with which shee was well apaid for a while , though not satisfied with my answer , it seeming a thing unlikely to looke on the cupboord for the Chamber-pot , which was usually set under the bed , wherefore casting with her selfe the meanes to satisfie her suspition , without making any shew of distrust , shee counterfeited an exceeding sore paine in her bellie uttring great cries , and calling to her two maides that were in the house for light , and some warme clothes : shee held in her dissembled paine for the space of halfe an houre , supposing that would be enough to take from me the suspition of her cunning slights . About the end of which , shee riseth from bed like lightning , and looking round about the roome with a lighted candle and where shee had left her Pearles , and no finding them , without speaking ever a word , or asking any other reason then what her imagination perswaded her , she begunne to beate her face with her fists , that incontinent shee fill'd her mouth with bloud , uttering after that loud and shrill cryes , that in lesse then a quarter of an houre , above two hundred people were assembled , and amongst them the Iustice , who breaking open the doores of the house , came up furiously , finding me in my shirt , and her in her night attyre , with her haire about her eares and her face scratcht , calling to me for her Pearles most furiously . The Iudge commands that every one should hold their peace , that hee might be inform'd of the fact , and take the deposition of us both , and hee having begunne with me , I gave him content with very humble words , so that neither his threatnings nor intreaties could draw any other answere frome me . Neverthelesse the Iudge seeing the womans vehement complaints and bitter teares charged that my clothes should be search't which was executed with such care and diligence , that hardly a moate of the Sunne could have beene hid in them , and they not finding there the Pearles all of them with one accord judged mee to be innocent , and condemned her as subtle , shamelesse , and dissembled . She seeing then that they all spake against her , and misregarded her complaints , cast her selfe downe at the Iudges feete , tearing her haire , and rending her clothes , and uttering such strong cryes , that the Iudge knew not what to thinke , nor what resolution to take , and consulting of the matter with those he brought with him , he resolved , that it having beene verified that she had the Pearles when she went to bed , they should be searched for , in all the most secret corners of the Chamber , they not being found , they should send for an Apothecary , that should give me a potion mingled strongly with Scammonie , to the end that if I had swallowed them , I might cast cast them up againe . The Iudges sentence was put in execution , and having done their diligence proposed about the Chamber , and not finding the Pearls , they were forced to come to the last remedy , which was the Physicke , they which forced me to take in full health without the Physitians appointment , and against my wil , & though I did all that was possible for me to vomite them , there was no meane to make me doe it , so a vehement strife being awakened in my guts I was compelled to give way to the Pearles , and to tarry my selfe in prison , enjoying the favours which these Gentlemen Iustices are wont to bestow upon those that fall into their hands . *⁎* CHAP. XII . In which the Thiefe relateth the last disgrace that befell him . IT was about sixe a clocke at night , when my Andrew made an end of telling me his disaster about the Pearles , and I desiring to know the last that kept him then in prison , I intreated him to tell mee it from point to point , without missing any thing remarkeable : wherein hee being willing to give me content hee answered joyfully in this manner . If God would have pleased that this should be my last disgrace , and if it had beene as soone ended as I shall end the discourse thereof I should have thought my selfe happie ; but I dare not trust to my hard lucke , because that it being accustomed to persecute me , I do not beleeve that it will ever cease to use mee unkindly with new torments . Know then that the Iustice of Lyons having condemned me in two hundred lashes of the whip , through the streets accustomed , for such malefactours , and marking me with the towne marke , they banisht me the towne with shame enough , allowing me but three daies only to dispatch my businesse and goe into banishment : during which dayes I thought upon a thousand fantasticall discourses , bethinking my selfe , how I might repaire the povertie that had overtaken me after so great abundance . And after I had bethought my selfe of a thousand plots , never a one of which pleased me , the Divell put one in my head , which was the trouble that I now am in . I bethought my selfe that the same day that I was whipt , a famous Theefe came after me , whom the Iudge had condemned to the same paine , a young man of good disposition , and of a vigorous courage , wittie , and one of the cunningest Theeves that in all my life I had dealt withall , but unhappie as well as my selfe . I acquainted my selfe with him to trie , if betweene two wretched Caitives we could finde some comfort in so great a mishap , and communicating one with th'other our intent and thoughts , we resolved to make a journey together to Paris . But before wee were fully resolved of all things fitting for the voyage , we had a consultation about our povertie , and infamie , descanting upon the meanes which we might make in so great mishap , and thinking it was not safe for us to embarke our selves in so great a citie as Paris , not having meanes to live on there , and by which to busie our selves , at least while wee were knowne . And after that he h●d given me the hearing a long while , and heedefully heard all the reasons and designes which I propounded , he said , Master Lucas ( for that was the name which I had at Lions ) the inventions that you shew me are good and worthy of such a spirit as yours : but they bee hard and difficult questions . Wherefore leaving them for another occasion , I will tell you one , which if it fal out well , it may well be that we shall get out of this miserie . This is that we may use diligence to finde in this Citie of Lions some Marchant that hath trade and correspondence at Paris , from whom wee may get a letter directed to his friend , and having found him , you shal tell him secretly , that you will make up some packes of Marchandise in this towne to be transported to Flanders with some mony , and leave all at Paris in the hands of some sure man , that it might be kept safe , while you go to Antwerp , where you shall make as if you have a Cozengermane , to trie the price , and how your Marchandise may be past off ; and that having never beene at Paris , nor made any acquaintance to whom you might recommend your packes , you shall intreate him to write to some Merchant of his friends , that hee may keepe them for you . For so much , I suppose , hee will not refuse you , and if he agreeth to it , let me alone . You shall see how I will rule my hands ? If that be all that hinders you , said I , I will finde them that shall give me a thousand letters , and not one only though I am now disgraced , and with infamie yet bleeding , I would have you to know , that there was moe than foure that will doe somewhat for me , and that this is true you shall see by and by . With these words I went from him , and going to a Marchants house of my acquaintance , asking of him a letter , after the forme that my camerade had told me , with which I returned exceeding content , and putting it into his hand , he kissed it a thousand times , praising my diligence and credit , and so at last we came to Paris with it , where wee being retired to a Chamber of the suburbs , we made two Packes , with some pieces of coorse canvasse , the rest full of sundry things , such as old shooes , old clothes , ragges , and such other wares , and my Camerade put himselfe in the third , wherein I packt him up so neately and handsomly , that neither his Packe nor the other two seemed to be nothing else but camlots or Fustians . Our Packes being made up , I went to give the letter to the Marchant to whom it was directed , who received it most gladly offering me all his house . After this wee agreed that I should send the Packes at eight a clocke at night , to save the custome other dues to be paid by the Marchants , amongst which entred that of my companion , if not full of camlots , yet at least of cords , ladder , hooke , file , lantern , knife and other militarie tooles , with which to make war for necessitie , and robbe the Marchants mony . He then being entred and all in the house asleepe , because it was past eleven a clocke he slit the canvasse with a knife , and comming out hee search't all the corners of the house , throwing out at the windowes some apparell and silke gownes with that seemed to him to be of the least , which I gathering up in the streete with great diligence , the Divell would have it , that the watch in the meane while came by , with so great silence and dissimulation , that they gave me no leasure to hide our bootie , which I was gathering up , nor to betake my selfe to the flight . And as there was no great neede of questioning mee for to know my cops-mates , sith these wares could not fall from heaven , they perceived that my Camerade was above , whom , after they led mee to the prison , they imprisoned also for the same crime . He went out a fort ' night agoe , being condemned to the Gallies for ten yeares , and I feare not much lesse , if the mercie and bountie of the Iudges have not some pitie of me . *⁎* CHAP. XIII . Of the Statutes and Lawes of Theeves . BY the discourse which I have made of my Historie , saith honest Andrew , I have noted that you did not like well that I called our Company a Common-weale , it seeming to you that wee are governed only by the desire wee have to steale , without any other law or reason , which is clean contrary , seeing that amongst as is done nothing which is not ruled by reason laws , statuts & ordināces , punishing those that otherwise exercise our arte . We have in the first place a captain & Superiour , all sorts of whom theevsobey , & he disposeth of their thefts wch they shold act , nāing these who seeme to him the fittest for the purpose , and choosing the cūningest & wisest of the cōpany forthe most difficult & dangerous thefts . And in this there is so good order kept , that there is no man amōgst us that forgetteth one only point of his duty , nor that passeth the bounds of his commission undertaking that wch is in another mans charge nor medling with greater matters than his capacity can cōpasse . And know this that it is the most essētiall point of our cōmon wealth , by the disorders wherof all others are undone This captain examineth him that cōmeth newly unto the company giving him three months of novice-ship , to try his courage inclinatiō & ability , in wch time , he propoundeth to him some witty questions as be these ; to hang up some little thing without ladder , pole or line ; to steale a mans horse as he is riding on him upō the way ; To snatch a way a Courtiers band amōgst a hundred people , & many other things of this kinde . And having known his inclinatiō & capacity , hegivs him the office of a robber , of a Grumet , of a Cut-purse , or any other wherof he is found to be most capable . You will not deny but that this manner of proceeding is a great state point , just reasonable , & so necessary for the Common wealth , that because it hath not bin practised , so great disorders are seene every where in it , seeing violence can promise no other good end . I will tel you that estates and offices should be given to every one , according to his natural inclination , without enforcing or tying him by any respect to another thing than to that which it desireth , not following that which troubleth , to wit , unquietnesse and mishap . For I held it impossible , that shee whom her parents shall put in a Cloister against her will , for want of monie to marrie her , can live in peace and contentment . As also he wil never proue a better husband , who for the only pleasure of his parents , and against his minde is tyed in marriage , and so of other employments . We have a notable example of this good order in the Lacedemonians state , a curious people , civill and wise , who suffered their children to grow up in libertie , without putting them upon any employment , nor to store up their appetite to any other estate , than to that to which their minde prompted them , and when they came to age and discretion they might choose of themselves the meane to live by most proper and most be fitting their naturall inclination , and thence it proceeded that all their actions were so wel ordered and so perfit . After this manner our Cōmon wealth is governed , & with this law our captain ruleth the capacity of those , who come newly unto him , bestowing on him the office & maner of stealing according to the disposition that hee hath taken notice of in him in the months of his novice-ship . This Captaine is an old man , wise , well experienced & finally exempted from the trade , as being one whose force and nimblenesse having failed for the practize , he exerciseth the Theorie with us teaching us the method and precepts of stealing . To which end he makes us meete together once aweeke in a certaine place appointed for the purpose , where hee bindeth us to give a strict account of all the thefts and accidents that have happened therein , reproving sharply those who are negligent and prove vnprofitable , praysing the vigilant and subtle . This is done ordinarily on Saturday night , on which day he appointeth all that must be done the weeke following , sharing out to every one the places that he shold keep in , & the thefts in which he shuld be emploied , taking of thē all a strict oath of faithfulnesse , & punishing the offenders , the first time abridging him of that part of the theft which belongeth to him , the secōd depriving him of the place of sixe moneths , and if he be incorrigible and stubborne , he puts him into the hands of the Marshall . If hee falls in a fault by negligence & carelesnesse , as it may be by comming tolate to his place , to go elsewhere , or let slip some occasion in not laying hold of it , he is deprived of a weekes benefit , & taking from him the office of a Theefe , he puts him in the office of a Spie , or of a watch-man , for the time that our Councell shall appoint . Of all thefts in the first place is allotted the fifth part to him , that spares the whip to us , banishment , the Gallies , the Gallowes , and that which remaineth of the tenths for pious uses , which are , to succour the sicke and needie of our companie , to release prisoners , and to ease the disgraces of those that have no monie . We receive no women in the companie , unlesse it be in case of great necessitie , and when it cannot be otherwise , because by nature they cannot keepe secrets , & they being unable to eschew this inconvenience we are bound upon great paines not to reveale unto them , how , from whom , and when wee have stollen . He that commits the theft hath equall share with the Captaine for paines & danger that hee hath put himselfe in , his complices have the third part , and the Spies the fift . As for the honour and respect which is due to every one , there is such an order kept , that no wrong is done to any one of the companie , every Officer having his ranke and place appointed in all our meetings , assemblies and consultations . For the first are the Robbers , next the Stafadours , then the Grumets , after these the Hobgoblins , then follow the wooll-drawers , the Mallets follow them , and last the Apostles , Cigarets , Cut-purses , and Caterers . Over all these a kinde of Theeves bearesway , called among us Liberalls , whose office is to undertake some strange points , as to blacke their faces with inke or kennell durt , to hang Garlands of hornes at mens doores , libells or such like , and these are the wittyest of all the company , and those who as it were indued with the best wit and invention , weigh and foreseeing all the difficulties that can happen ▪ in a dangerous case . None of the companie may make any quarrell , noise or contentiō with another , about any matter whatsoever , unlesse it be fained or subtle , to avoide any suspition , that may be offered . We may not eate twice two of us together in one and the same Tavern or vitailling house , except it be once in the sev'night , to th'end that if any thing come in the way to be stollen there we may breede no suspition amongst them that should see us there . We are forbidden also to go together through the city or to speake familiarly one to another , unlesse it be to fall a quarrelling , & to make some false blowe at one another , to draw people together , that upon the occasion of our quarrell the Cutpurses may make up their hand . Every professor of the companie carrieth his badge and secret marke , by which he is in an instant known of us all , understanding by this order , how many there are of an office in every streete & part of the town . So the Robbers beare alwaies a glove handing and made fast by one finger . The wooll drawers button their doublet by intercession that is to say , they button one and misse the next . The Staffadours stroake their mustaches and their beard at every space , sometimes thrusting their finger into one of their nostrils . The Cut-purses have a little white marke in their hat-bands . The Malletes beare their cloake after a certaine fashion , and finally every particular office hath its particular token by which it is known among the company . When any woman of the companie is married every profession gives her five Crowns to augment her portion , keeping neverthelesse such an order , that she may not be married but to one of her owne trade ; that is to say , the Daughter of a Robber with a man of the same vocation or calling . And if by chance some Cut-purse should marrie his Daughter with a Robber , Staffador or Grumet , hee is bound to give him a hundred crowns in portion more then ordinarie , because his sonne of Law is of greater and higher Office then the father is . We make a vow of patience and suffering , promising to be couragious and constant against torture , though we be seldome put to it , because ( as I have told you ) all that is salv'd with the fifth part . And to the end that all the places of the towne may be sufficiently provided , it is enacted that every professour that shall come newly to a place , should put there some marke , shewing thereby the number of Theeves which are in that part : so the first that commeth layth a die in some secret corner , and yet well known to those of the companie , with the Ace turned upwards ; The second that commeth , turneth the die to the deuse point , the third to the trey , the fourth to the quater , and so the others to the sise , and being come to that number , the same Office stayeth in the same place , because that according to our lawes we cannot be above six in one and the same place : and when any one goeth away he turnes the die upon the number of theeves that remaine , in such sort , that they being six , the first that goeth away turnes the Die to the cinque point , the second to the quater , the third to the trey , by which number he that is behinde of the Theeves is knowne . We are bound to nourish and sustaine all the creeples , blinde , sick , and those whom their extreame old age excuseth from stealing . None of us may weare cloake , hat , breeches , doublet nor any thing else that was stollen , nor sell gold , silver or jewells in that towne where they were stollen , under paine of a great and exemplarie punishment . Wee are commanded to carry alwayes a false beard in our pocket , with plaisters of sundry sorts , to disguise us in an instant , when occasiō shall require . As concerning Religion wee are halfe Christians , because that of the two principall Commandements of Gods Law we keepe one , which is to love God ; but in no case our neighbour , because we take from him that he hath . Next we receive and allow of the two parts of penance , which are Confession ( because now and then we confesse ) and Contrition : but of the third , which is satisfaction or restitution wee not so much as make mention , or talke . FINIS . Imprimatur Thomas Weekes . Februarie 5. 1637. Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A42233e-800 The Author would not haue beene so vehement , had he been in one of our English prisons , which for the most part are made rather places of ease and delight then punishment . Spanish apparitors what sort of people . These the evish words of the trade are afterward made cleare . To be whipt at the Carts taile . Burnd on the shoulders . See Cap. 7. p. 54. See Cap. 7. Cap. 7. ibid. ibids 
A01433	----	The sonne of the rogue, or, The politick theefe with the antiquitie of theeves : a worke no lesse curious then delectable / first written in Spanish by Don Garcia ; afterwards translated into Dutch, and then into French by S.D. ; now Englished by W.M. De sordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. English García, Carlos, doctor. 1638 Approx. 188 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 141 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A01433 STC 11550.4 ESTC S4312 24135992 ocm 24135992 27231 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A01433) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 27231) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1817:5) The sonne of the rogue, or, The politick theefe with the antiquitie of theeves : a worke no lesse curious then delectable / first written in Spanish by Don Garcia ; afterwards translated into Dutch, and then into French by S.D. ; now Englished by W.M. De sordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. English García, Carlos, doctor. W. M. (William Melvin) [10], 253 [i.e. 271] p. Printed by I.D. for Michael Sparkes and are to [be] sold in Green-Arbor, London : 1638. Translation of: Desordenada codicia de los bienes agenos. Translated by William Melvin. Signatures: A⁶(-A1) B-M¹² N⁴. Numerous errors in paging. Title in ornamental border. Imperfect: print show-through and tightly bound with slight loss of print. Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. 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Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Thieves -- Fiction. Rogues and vagabonds -- Fiction. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-12 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-01 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2004-01 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE SONNE OF THE ROGVE , OR THE POLITICK THEEFE . WITH THE ANTIQVITIE OF THEEVES . A worke no lesse Curious then delectable ; first written in Spanish by DON GARCIA . Afterwards translated into Dutch , and then into French by S. D. Now Englished by W. M. LONDON , Printed by I. D for Michael Sparkes and are to sold in Green-Arbor , 1638 The Preface to the Reader . MEns naturall inclination is alwayes prone and addicted to so great rashnesse , that though vice of it selfe is so abominable & blame-worthy , notwithstanding there be too many who openly praise it , and account it their honour to practise it . Thence it cōmeth to passe that theft , being a pernicious vice and forbidden by the Lawes , doth not cease to be followed by many , who to defend themselves from the reproaches which may be laid against them , alleage that the Lacedemonians a people very severe and just , permitted the use thereof to their youth ; that the Aegyptians held those for able men that could steal best . That for the same subject the Poets in their writings have bragged of the subtilty of Mercurius , and of the cunning of the goddesse Laverna who was the Theeves Patronesse . Briefly , that this profession is made commendable by the crafty trickes of many that have exercised it , such as were Prometheus the father of Deucalion , Cacus and Autolicu● , the one the son of Vulcan and the other of Mercurie , Arsaces King of the Par●hians , Denis Tyrant of Sici●ie , The Emperour Nero , Leo sonne of Constantine Copronimus , Fulvius , Flaccus Censor , Ninus King of Aegipt , to whom Iustin ascribeth the invention of so fine a trade , and a great many others with wh● the books of Authors are filled . To which we may adde , that even the most understanding men are not free from this vice , 〈◊〉 it be eertaine ( as saith Simplicius ) that the Prince of the Peripatetiques ( Aristotle ) stole that which he hath from the most excellent of those that went before him . That Virgil drew all his richest inventions from Homor , Hesiod and Theocritus , and that Cicero boldly furnish● himselfe with the doctrine of the Stoiques Academiques and Epicures . But for all this , it cannot be but that naturall reason must put downe all these vaine opinions , because according to Aquinas , Theft is quite cōtrary to that love which we owe to our Neighbours , and with-all to Gods Law and mans Law. And to this effect beside that in Exodus and Leviticus it is expresly forbidden , it is yet also detested by the Apostle S. Paul , where speaking to the Ephesians he saith , Let him that stole steale no more : but let him rather labour and worke with his hands . Also the people of old taking notice of this truth ordained against Theeves severall● sorts of punishments , especially the Grecians & the Athenians , as Ludovicus Vives doth very we● observe , who saith that the Emperor Frederick the third was the first that condemned them to the Gallies : Ovid speakes to this purpose that Scyron one of the renowned Theeves of his time was thrown head-long into the sea by Theseus , Procrustes kill'd by Hercules and Sysiphus cut in peeces . Virgil that Pedant Balista was stoned for his thefts ; and the divine Arious , that the King Agrement caused Brunellus the cunningest Thiefe that ever was to be hang'd for having boldly stollen Ang●licus Ring and Scripants horse . I passe all the other examples that I might alleage : to tell you in a word , good Reader , that this booke discourseth not here so much of the Antiquitie of Theeves and of their cunning slights , as to teach thee to eschew them , for if it be true that he wounds of Darts which are foreseene from farre , are not so hurtfull as those which are shot at us unawares . I assure my selfe that the Reader will use it as an instrument to avoide the snares which leud fellowes ordinarily lay for honest men , Farewel . THE ANTIQIVTIE OF THEEVES CHAP. I. In which the Author compareth the miseries of Prison to the paines of Hell. THe terror of Hell which is set forth to us in holy Writings , doth so resemble to us the miseries which are endured in prison , that if this had not that hope which th' other wanteth we might attribute unto it the title of a true Hell , seeing that in this which is most proper to them , the one and the other haue a mutuall and full correspondence , which maketh me to wonder much at the vnprofitable diligence with which some late writers distill their brain 's to finde the meanes how they may properly represent unto the world the horrour of that terrible mansion , when they might have attained to the end of their purpose in shewing onely the desperate life which people suffer in prison , which shall be perfitly knowne with its extreame miserie , if first of all we particularly treate of the torments which are perpetually exercised in Hell. The Authors , who write upon this subject , bring the paines of Hell to two points ; the first and chiefe of which is their depriving from the essence of God , which they call essentiall paine , it being that , which properly containeth all the torments that can be imagined in Hel. And that same is so extreame and so cruell , that if the soule had in the other world as many pleasures and contentments as the thought of man could imagine , being deprived of God , it could not have any thing which had one onely shadow of comfort . Because that God being the roote and the fountaine of all goodnesse , and all contentments and delights , which are in ●he world being stored up in him alone , it is evident that with him the soule shall have all consolation which is possible to be imagined and that without him it shall be plunged into a bottomlesse depth of sorrow & confusion , with which and with the certainty that it hath , that its griefes shall never be ended , it curseth its being , its birth and its life . The other paine which the damned suffer in Hell is the accidentall paine , so called because it is joyned to the former as an accident , which serveth to make the apprehension of the damned more sensible , throwing them headlong into the bitter sight of their miserie . To this is joyned the detestable companie of Divells , the horrible and frightfull lodging , the● severall kindes of torments , the continuall lamentations , the disorder , the confusion , the fire , the brimstone , the darkenesse and a thousand other afflictions , of which , and of the depriving of Gods being and presence , that wretched and perpetuall Hell is composed . And as touching the varietie of officers , that beare rule in this darke dungeon ; wee know already that in that great battell which Saint Michael th' Archangell had against Lucifer , for the throne and the glory of the Creator , not onely the same Lucifer fell from Heaven , and from the highest of his perfection to the lowest and hollowest gulfes of Hell ▪ but also a great number of evill angells with him , who were copartners with him in his rash and accursed purpose . And these although they do equally partake with him in the paine essentiall , which is being deprived of God , have neverthelesse some difference amongst themselves : whether it be that everyone is of one kind , as saith a Doctor of the Church , or whether for that they had more or lesse consent in his malice . Because that without doubt those who obstinatly defended the pride of Lucifer fell with him into the deepest place of the earth which is the center of the the world where divines doe place Hell. And those who were not so vehement ; but onely approved his purpose with a certaine and determinate fellow-liking , fell not so low : I will say that the accidentall paine of them was not so great as that of these others . And of this sort the accidentall paine of these spirits was made severall according to the degrees of the malice which they had in their sinne . And though that in Hell there is no order , as Iob saith ; there is notwithstanding a certaine government and order among these spirits vnder-placed and divided into severall companies with diverse degrees and qualities . So as the good Angells in the heavenly Ierusalem are divided by their order into Angells , Archangells , Thrones , Powers , Cherubins , Seraphins , and other holy dignities . All the Legions of Divel● which fell from Heaven remained subject to the Arch-angell Michael , who hath commandement and empire over them all . As also according to some mens opinions , every good Angell of Princes hath commandement over one Legion . And beside the obedience which all of them owe to Saint Michael , as to their Captaine Generall vnder God , they have also among them their Prince of malice , to whom they are subject and obey , and upon him depend diverse Liev●tenants and Governors , who wholly divide the governement of all the hellish malice , every one of them having vnder his charge the disposing and good order of his band . Neither lesse nor more than in a well ordered Campe , where there is a great multitude of Souldiers , the body of the armie is divided into severall Regiments , as are the Generall , the Camp-master , Captaines , Ensignes , Sergeants ; Corporalls and others of this sort , who order the Souldiers and the armie . And as there are sundry Offices of these , some being foot● ▪ others horse , some Musqueters , others Pikemen , and finally of severall employments : there are also among the evill spirits severall Offices and places , some tempting by Covetousnesse , others by Riotousnesse , others by Ambition , and finally● every particular sinne hath its appointed and determinate Officers , having all of them equally ; one onely end and scope to carrie soules to Hell. In this Divellish armie there are some Div●ls , that never come out of Hell , but are evermore shut up within it , receiving the soules which enter in thither , and giving to them a place and kinde of torment which their sinnes deserve . There are others who are ever wandring , c●mpassing the earth to and fro , and searching for soules to carrie them into Hel. Neverthelesse let no man thinke that these have any power o● authoritie to beare away one soule to Hell , nor these others to shut up in their darke dennes , vnlesse it be by the expresse commandement and particular commission of God. And so much concerning these hellish Officer● . As for its largenesse , it is such , that all sorts of sinfull soules enter into Hell , and it is ordinarily full fraughted and peopled with Blasphemers , Perjur'd persons , Murtherers , Adulterers , Envious persons , and to conclude with all sorts of Evill-doers : who although they have in common the essentiall paine , which is the wanting of God , and are all of them in Hell , yet they have severall roomes and torments according to everie ones deserving , sithence it is certaine that the paine of him that oweth little shall not be so great at all as the paine of him that oweth much , and that the just Iudge chastiseth and recompense●h every one according as he deserveth . To all this varietie is added the extreme confusion of Hell , the disorder , the vnquietnesse , the vnrulie cariage , and con●in ualagitation , with which they are alwaies tormented , seeing it is evident , that where rage and despaire reigneth , there can be no friendly fellowship nor agreement . This estate , practise & disposition of the horrible pit of this hellish lodging is the lively pourtraict of that desperate life , which men suffer in prison , in which the beholder shal find so in tire & so mutuall a correspondence that there is not almost any other difference between them but in the name . Because that first to the essentiall paine of Hel , which is the depriving of Gods powerful presence , the want of liberty hath correspondence , which with a just ●i●le we may cal a paine essentiall , for so much as it is the queen of al the apprehēsions & motives of sorrow , which are able to afflict a good wit. And as in that , the soule being deprived of God , it is also deprived of all worldly pleasures , even so in this ( to wit in prison ) it enjoyeth not any thing which hath the least shadow of content . Because that although a prisoner were clothed with purPurple , served as a King , fed with the most delicate vitailes of the world , his Chamber hang'd with cloth of gold , that hee were entertained with all sort of Musicke , visited by his parents and friends , all this , nor all that could be desired more could bring him any kinde of comfort . On the contrary he should have lesse , because that all things availe nothing but to awaken his appetite and make him desire that which others enjoy , and to which he cannot attaine . Whenceproceedeth the increasing of his want ( of libertie ) and consequently his paine . The harshnesse and force of depriving ( of libertie ) may be easily , known by its contrarie , this being infallible that the depriving of one thing shall be by so much evill as the possession of it shall be good . And libertie being the most precious Iewell of the soule , and the greatest perfection , which the vnbounded Author of this , hath engrafted in the reasonable creature ; it is certaine that the depriving thereof shall be the most crosse and vnsufferable of all others . That libertie is that which guideth and directe●h mans actions to diverse ends , without enforcing them and with pleasure , choosing , and commanding , experience teacheth this , in which the supreme work-master would distinguish man from other living creatures , whose end obtaineth by a naturall instinct , which leadeth them , as by a bridle , to the appetite and delight in it , and that it is so powerfull , and maketh man so absolute , that his vnderstanding having proposed the good , the perfect , the honest and the delectable , he may resolve with himselfe to love it or not to love it at all , sith that none but God may aske a reason of this so absolute commandement , Naturall Philosophie telleth it . Whence and from many other reasons , which I could bring , it is clearely perceived that there is not any thing in the world , to which the essentiall paine of Hell can more properly be compared , than to the depriving of libertie , seeing it bringeth man to such extremitie , that he abhorreth himselfe , his being , his ranke , and his estate . He knoweth well this truth which I write , who hath sometimes beene in prison , laded with chaines and with irons , subject to the rage of that terrible abode , cursing ( though Noble and well borne ) his being , his condition and Noblenesse , grieving to be that which he is , and wishing to be a great deale meaner . In midst of which despaire hee envieth the peaceable condition and tranquillity , of the Commons , and could wish to have beene borne of the most base dregs of the people . He curseth his actions and his studies , the points of honour which his parents taught him , the vnderstanding which he hath , thinking with himselfe , that if he were a privat man , he should not at all see himselfe in so miserable and so extreame a perplexitie , and that this would not be litle enough for him , if despaire left him amongst the folke of that same sort and nature : but it goeth on refining and consuming him in the fire of impatience , in such sort , that it draweth him out of his reasonable being , and bringeth him to that of a brute beast , and to the most base and infinite kindes of them , that groaning for libertie , he envieth the bird that flieth , the Dog that barketh , the Pismire that travelleth , and desireth to be one of them . And the venome of this fierce beast stayeth not there , for tying harder the cords of a poore prisoner , it draweth him out of the ranke and file of living creatures , making him desire to be a tree , an image or a stone , bringing him to nothing , and making him bewaile that ever hee was borne in the world . By which it is clearely seene that the want of liberty making so unhappy a change in man , as to throw him headlong from the highest & most perfect of his inclination and appetite , to the basest and lowest , and from the image and likenesse of God , to nothing ; this is the most strong and most rigorous paine that can be imagined , and that which truely doth better represent the essential paine of Hell. To the accidentall paine doe correspond the innumerable afflictions and calamities , which follow the depriving of libertie , amongst which are the stinke of the prison , the disorderly frame of the buildings , the defamed companie , the continuall and huge lewd voices , the diversitie of nations , the differing humors , the shame , the persecution , the difgrace , the mocquerie , the crueltie , the blowes , the torments , the poverty and the miseries without number , which are suffered in prison , of the which , and of other depriving of libertie the lively patterne of Hell is framed and composed . As touching the executioners and officers , no man will deny but that all the earth is full of incarnat Divells , more obstinate and more accursed in their kinde than those of Hell , the most part of them being fallen , as Lucifer and his followers , from the Heaven of honour . I will say that for the deserving , and sinnes which they have committed , the Angell Saint Michael , who is the Iustice , hath drawne them from the fellowship and dwelling of the good , and they seeing themselves beaten downe and dishonoured , have taken vpon them the office of Divels , to avenge themselves of the poore innocent soules , running day & night thorow the streets , markets and publike places of the Citie , smelling out and searching for people to lay them in prison . And these are they who commonly are called Sergeants , who drag a poore man to prison with such rage and tyrannie , as these in the perpetuall Hell could not utter more . And if we be able to find any difference betweene them , it is this , that the Divells of Hell fly from the signe of the Crosse ; but those of the prison love , reverence and adore that happy signe , in such sort , that hee who would deale well with them , and somewhat turne their rigour into a litle pitie , it is necessarie that hee have alwayes the Crosse in his hands , for at what time hee shall leave it , they will torment him ten times more than his sinne can deserve : but they having met with him , they say a Pater noster for the soule which they take , untill they come to da nobis bodie , and they goe not at all any further . These Divells are those who walke commonly through the streetes , and places of the Citie , seeking for soules in the most secret corners , the multitude and trade of whom is so great , that I doe n●● thinke there are more Legions of Divels in Hell , than there be Sergeants in the Common-wealth . Amongst them there be some that goe on horsebacke , who have charge to travell into the Countrey , unto places farre remote from the Citie , and to bring men into prison from places most solitarie and quiet . These , for that they being of a more haughtie nature than the others , we may call Orientalls from the Region of fire , and these are called Archers or Messengers , the Legion or companie of whom hath for their Chieftaine or Captaine a great Divell whom they call Provest . There are other Divels in this Hell , the i●feriors of the aforenamed , who goe ordinarily by tens or twenties in a companie , disguised and masked , to spie if they can catch one poore soule by treacherie , they are so cowardly so effeminate and dastardly , that they meete sometimes to the number of fortie and all to take one man , and yet they dare not adventure to take him their selves alone , without the assistance and aide of a Divell with a long gown , who vsually accompanieth them . They goe alwayes atter'd , torne and naked , and this is the lowest and most infinite Legion of all as the Hob-goblins vnder ground , whom the people have beene accustomed to call Apparitors . Every Legion of these Divells have an infinite number of halfe-divells who goe disguised and covered through the Citie , taking notice of all that is done there , with great subtiltie and craft . They take and change every day a thousand formes and shapes , shewing themselves in every companie in a severall manner ; at one occasion going like countrey-men , in an other like strangers , by & by of one profession , and by and by of another . These are they who with great sleight and subtiltie discover the price , after the same manner as the lying dogs doe the partridges , bringing the aforesaid Divels to the proper place of the soule , which they would take , and pointing it out as with the finger : and these we call Spies , and amongst them they are called Recorders . There be other Divels , who are esteemed more noble and more courteous , whose office is to repeale penalties , commissions , requests , to baile a soule , and to take the burthen on themselves , answering for it every time that the Iudge asketh for it . And though it be in their keeping , they give it alwayes time and place to solicite its owne affaires , to visite its Iudges , and to pleade its cause , vsing with it some pitie and friendship . Finally they have a nature mingled with goodnesse and malice , and they are betweene Divels and Angels , whom by reason of the familiaritie which they have with man , wee may call them Airie Divells ; and these the common people call doore-keepers . All these aforesaid divels , & others whom I leave to mention for avoiding prolixitie , are found in the world , every one of whom goeth severall waies , leading soules into the Hell of prison , & all of them , after the manner of evil spirits are divided into divers Legions and troopes . Yet notwithstanding they torment not the soules because they enter not into Hell themselves , onely they deliver them to Lucifers Lievetenant the Iayler , & returne incontinent vnto their walke ; for to give up their account to their Captaine , of the tentations which they have practized that day , and of the number of soules which they have carried that day to prison , every one of them reckoning up the inventions & wiles which he hath practized in his hellish Office. There be also other divells which never go out of the prisō , nor have any other imployment , but to torment the poore soules which enter in thither . And those are so tyrannous , so cruel & so wicked , that they satisfie not their inraged hunger but by sucking the bloud , & the life of the poore captive that fals among their hands : albeit they suffer him to breath so long ; while they have emptied his purse . And these be the under porters & servants of the Iayler , who , as a President of that dreadfull dwelling , receives the prisonner from the hands of the Sergeant and writes in his booke the day of his entring , his accusation , his name and the name of that Divell that hath taken him . These shut-up Divells have no power nor authoritie to torment a soule which the others do bring in , nor these others to take them , but by the command of Iustice declared by some honourable Officer , who with reason and truth by a signed writing chargeth these uncleane spirits to take such a soule . As for the rest it may well be proved that every Sergeant hath power to leade a man to prison , even so as every Divell may beare a soule to Hell , seeing that there ordinarily entreth thither an infinite number of prisoners , and every one imprisoned by his severall Iudge : some answer before a Iudge with a long gown , others before one with a short gown , without reckoning , many other officers of Iustice , who as good Angels have authoritie and power to exercise it , who have their appointed and praticular Divels , who execute their commandment and will. As touching the diversitie of the lodgings and places of their abode , the curious shall see many differing in the prison , every one fitted for the prisoners delight . For hee who is not criminall , and who is Noble is usually lodged in the lightsomest chambers and neatest contrived : but understand that the Noblenesse of a prison consisteth in a good purse . Those that be of a meaner qualitie & deserving are fitted in certain darke & black chambers , where smoke and cinders continually bearesway . The prison hath yet this property of Hel , to take in all sort of sinners & criminals , being usually peopled , and full of Theeves , Russians , Cut-purses , Panders , Whoores , Murtherers , Perjured men , Bankrupts , Cheaters , Usurers , & Sorcerers , in as great varietie as the living creatures that entered into Noahs Arke , so that entry is not denied nor the gate shut against any . Of this remarkeable variety the confused multitude of a prison is composed with a thousād other circumstances which accompanie it , which because it is altogether disorderly & without bounds I shal not be able to reduce it to one terme or name , nor to give it a definition which Universally comprehendeth all the miseries of this dreadfull dwelling , if the curious Reader will not be contented with the Analogie and proportion which it hath with the perpetuall Hell. The which being supposed as a thing most proper to a prison , we shall be able to describe it by its properties & by experience , saying , that a prison is no other thing but a land of calamitie ▪ a dwelling of darkenes , a habitation of miserie or an eternall horrour inhabited without any kind of order . It is a confused Chaos without any dis●inction , it is a bottomles pit of violence which hath nothing that is in its own center , it is a tower of Babylon where all speake and none heare , it is a medley against nature , in which is seene the peace and agreement of two contraries , mingling the Noble with the infamous , the rich with the poore , the civill with the criminall , the sinner with the just , it is a communaltie with agreement ; one whole by accident , a composition without parts , a Religion without orders or Lawes , and a body without a head . The prison is the grave of Noblenesse , the banishment of courtes●e , the poyson of honour , the center of infamie , the quintessence of disparagement ; the hell of good wits , the 〈◊〉 of pretences , the paradise of cousenage , the martyrdome of innocence , the cloude of truth , the treasure of despaire the fining-pot of friendship , the wakener of rage , the baite of impatience , the mine of treasons , a den of Foxes , the refuge of vengeance : the punishment of force , and the headsman of life . There he that yesterday was great , to day is meane ; hee that was happy in the City , now starveth there ; he that was richly clad , is starke naked , he that commanded , obeyeth ; he that had his court full of caroches and rich saddles , findeth not now one more to visite him . There civilitie is turned into insolence , courage to subtiltie ▪ ●●amelesse outfacing into vertue , blasphemie into valour , flattery into eloquence lyes to truth , silence to noise modestie to boldnesse , knowledge to ignorance , and order to confusion : And to end the miserie of that unluckie place : I conclude in saying that it is a forrest full of wilde beasts , in which the one teareth the other , eating his heart and drinking his bloud , so that no scruple of conscience , feare of God , suspition of love , compassion or other respect whatsoever which can have any shadow of vertue or of goodnesse is able to hinder them . There one weepeth and another singeth , one prayeth and another blasphemeth , one sleepeth , another wal●●eth , one goeth out , another commeth in , one is condemned , another absolved , one payeth , another demandeth , and finally one shall hardly finde two of one exercise and will. One will be eating in a corner , another will pisse behind him : and in the middle of them another shall pull off his shirt and strip himselfe starke naked . Every one is imployed in his particular exercise , they not having any other houre or time appointed for that save their will , which being disordered , free in its actions , produceth them without any let or shame . In that which concerneth the sustenance of life , there is no order kept there among them , because that hunger is their appetite , their time of meales alwayes , their table the bare board , their sawce the nastinesse and filthy stinke , and their musicke sneesing and belchings . The hangings of their chambers are all mourning , with some borders of spiders-cloth ( cobwebs ) , their seates the ground or some stone greased with two inches of fat Bacon . The Dishes where they eate are alwayes enemies to cleanlinesse , to serve for a pot-lid and other vses more base , and for spoones they are served with five fingers spotted like Iasper , and having their nailes of a huge length . As for their drinke , the industrie of man teacheth them to make a pit in the top of their Hat , and to drinke in it more grease than wine . And if peradventure there be found among them a pot or kettle , it shall be , according to the order and custome of the prison , batter'd without a handle , nor without vernish , and hath past the first yeare of apprentiship , and hath beene vsed in the most base offices , serving for a pisse-pot , for a Flagon , for a vineger bottle , for an oile-pot and a bason . As for napkins , they take their skirts , or the outside of their breeches , and for a table-cloth the wrongside of a poore old cloake , threed-bare and fuller of Beasts than that linnen cloth which S. Peter saw in Da●ascus . In their garments they keepe a great uniformitie , going all of them clothed after the manner of Lent , and with S. Austins habite , but so tatter'd and pucker'd , and so fitted to the passions and necessities of their bodies , so that without breaking their cod-piece point they want not a perpetuall loosenesse to satisfie their flux of the belly . They live Apostollically , without scrip without staffe and without shooes , having nothing superfluous nor double : contrariwise there is so great simplicitie that they cover all their body with one only shirt , whereof many times they have no more save the sleeves , and they never leave it off till it can go alone of its owne accord . If Momu● should come into the prison he could finde nothing to reprove them for , because one may see them to the very intralls . The combe , tooth-pickers , brush , handkerchiefe , looking-glasse , sope-balls are banisht from this place : of which povertie groweth so great an abundance that in their head , beard , stomack & flanck●s a camell might be hidden . We cannot say that there is any kinde of vices in the prison , because that idlenesse the mother of them hath no entrie there , because they are all carefull and watchfull to search for that which is necessarie for life : and their overplus time they spend in exercising themselves on diverse instruments of Musicke having the itch for the Mistresse of that vertue . They have also their appointed houres for the military Art , in the which they fight with their bodily enemies , whence they retire evermore with the victorie , bearing continually for triumph & trophees the bloud on their nailes . They live in Evangelicall hope never troubling themselves with the care of that which they should eate or drinke to morrow . Their ordinarie comfort is the faith and hope which they have to come out of prison one day , and put an end to their miseries . With this comfort they live , ever dying , putting cataracts and deceiveable imaginations before the eyes of their reason . And if by chance the time of their imprisonment endeth , and Iustice giveth assent that some one of them goe forth , then the Divell is so carefull and so watchfull troubling and quelling his libertie , that it seemeth to him there are no gates through which hee can get out . One withholds him asking a debt thirtie yeares old , another the succession of one of his grandfathers , and another sheweth a band more ancient than the deluge . And when his diligence and meanes have delivered him from his enemies without , these within doores begin to thunder out another song , for one demandeth of him five shillings which he lent him eleven months ago , another that should pay for a pot which he brake to him , another draweth forth a bill of reckoning , asking him for ten eggs and a sallet which he paid for him . This man demandeth that he should pay him the good-morrow's which he hath given him , another the good nights , one askes his Cap , another his Doublet , another his Shooes and all lay hold upon him . And when he escapeth this importunate swarm of Bees , these tunes begin to deafe his eares ; the Iayler demands of him the rights of the prison , his entrance , his going forth , and the time that he hath tarried there , for his sleeping , his talking , his eating , his sneesing and his coughing , and all the time that he hath lived within there , making more scores in his booke than an Astrologer on the erecting of an Horoscope . And when he hath given him that which he demands of him without reason , he askes his gloves , his Iayle fees , his slippers , his old shooes and a coife for the maide-servant . The Dog askes him to pay for his watching and barking that he hath kept for him while he slept , the Cat for the paines she hath taken to cleare his chamber from Mice and Rats , one pulls him on this side and another on that , and all catch hold of him like briers , while they have left him dry , pluckt bare , throng'd and as naked as his mother bare him . This in briefe termes , is the miserable practise of thi●● living patterne of Hell , with all its circumstances , in every one of which there 〈◊〉 matter enough to make 〈◊〉 long and profound discourse ▪ That the Reader may be● thinke himselfe hereof , that being affrighted at the hardnesse thereof , he may avoide the dangerous inconveniences which are presented every day to a man as long as he is at libertie : for if he fall once into the Divels hands , and beforced to passe through the wicket of Hell , though his cause were his protector , he should waite for S. Michael ; and if Iustice were his protector , he should ever remaine burnt with the marke of Hell , into which who so once entereth , hee leaueth the best thing that he hath amongst Pluto's hands . And albeit that hee enter there fuller and richer than the Queene of Saba when she came to see King Salomon , he shall come forth more lanke , more drie and more feeble than the seven kine that Pharaoh saw in his dreames . CHAP. II. Of a pleasant discourse whic● the Author had in Prison with a famous Theife . TO the end that none be deceived with this proverbe which ▪ most men hold for a Maxime , when they say , That all noveltie is well pleasing ; because that albeit Logicke should not condemne this proposition as false , experience would discover its deceit : for I doe not thinke that there is any one in the world that hath found the prison pleasant , even at the first time that he entred therein . I may say of my selfe , that when I was there , though it was new to me I found not any thing that I liked ; on the contrarie , the pleasure which novelties bring with them was turned into notable admiration and extreame paine , seeing that which willingly I would not have seene , and talking of that which lea●● pleased me . I spent the first dayes even as all those , who enter into that place have beene accustomed to passe them , which is to con●ider the lodgings , to be vexed at the companie , and to shun the familiar conversing with the prisoners . And I might have past all the time of my imprisonment in such like employment , if it had lien in my power to do it , because that the companie invited me not to acquaint my selfe . But the necessitie being accompanied with exceeding great curiositie which prisoners have , when any one entereth newly into prison , tied me to frame my selfe to the usuall fashion of these people , from whom I had a sufficent report of the subjects and qualities of that habitation , without other paines-taking than to give them the hearing , because that by it a discreete man shall know moe sins in foure dayes than a Confessor in a hundreth yeares . In the conclusion with a faire shew and some pieces that I had in my purse I purchased the good will of all the rable , in such sort , that there was not any man of what ranke soever who did not esteem much of me , & participated not with me the most inward of his conscience . But the continu●ll companie of this tedious● conversation troubled me , in such sort that I was not mine owne , nor had I the libertie to spend one quarter of an houre by my selfe alone . So lessayed by a thousand meanes to ridde my selfe from the head-strong importunities of those undiscreet people , but it was not possible for me to free my selfe , without taking the office that I had got over them . Wherefore I was desirous to trie , if in this martyrdome , seeing I deserved no such thing , I could finde some pleasure to divert my minde and entertaine them . So continuing my no lesse accustomed than troublesome occupation , sitting one day upon a bench which was in the Chappell of the prison , in the companie of three or foure of these gallants , hearing some difficulties , whereof they were come to consult with mee upon the ten Commandements , I heard the Echo of a sorrowfull voyce , which called me pitifully . All the standers by were amazed ; one of them ranne to be informed of this vnlooked-for newes , but the speedy hast of him , which sought for me , prevented the curiositie of him who was gone out to know the newes ; for ●carsty had we heard the voyce , when after it , entred at the doore one of my religious followers ( held in great esteeme amongst those people who were none of the holiest ) with his colour changed , his virage bathed with teares , without a Hat , his 〈◊〉 crossed , sighing and be serching with great 〈◊〉 the companie , that they would let him be alone with me , amplifying his request by the 〈◊〉 of th●se , as the pricipall 〈◊〉 of mishap . They departed the place , and he seeing himselfe alone and with freedome to discover his thoughts to me , without any other preface , preamble , advertisement or courtesie , he said to me . Sir , to day is my feast day , and they have made me a gift of a clarke of a harbour , with a Cardinalls Hat : what remedie shall I be able to finde for so great a mischiefe . Verily this darke speech of his words , together with the manner of telling it , held mee somewhat in doubt , because I knew not how to comment upon so vncouth a language followed with so many fights and groanes . Neverthelesse making 〈…〉 these words and already guessing that which it might be , I beleeved that he had got this hat at some pot of wine and that out of the abundance thereof this noble dignitie had climed up to the head . So smiling I said to him : My friend , the Post that hath brought you this newes , is he of a douzen or of twentie ? It is not of twelue , nor offoure , unhappy man that I am ! answered he , for I am not drunke , nor ever was I in all my lifetime , and would to God that all the world were so retired in this action as I am : but as the Proverbe saith , some have the name , the others have the eff●ct . And you doe not well to make a poore unhappie wretch that askes your counsell in his extreame affliction . His answer to the purpose redoubled my astonishment , and not being able to hit at that which this might meane , I said to him somewhat in anger ; Make an end then to relate to me the cause of your paine , and hold me no more in doubt with your darke speeches or ridles . Now I know , Sir , said he , that yee have not studied Martiall tearmes , nor you vnderstand not as yet Galunatias his stile , so it will be hard for you to vnderstand the comming together of two solide bodies with the perspective of red flowers in a white field . From this second answer I fully resolved that hee was not drunke , but foolish , and as to such a one , I agreed with him to all that he said , although I vnderstood him never a whit . And taking the subject to reason with him upon the same reasons , I asked him , who made him a Cardinall and why ? To which he answered me thus . You should understand that some officers of the three and of the five of Topo & Tango vpon the Seventh and the Goe met me one Sunday at midnight and finding me with the 〈◊〉 de bastons the lot would that they should run a hazard , and I remained with the money . They were deceived , and desiring to revenge their wrong , they went to Scipion , declaring an Vniversall head which they had seene in my hands , upon which they made long ●●●ormations by the Signe●●● 〈…〉 : and at the end of a rigorous examination which they had of me , they found mee not good enough to be Pope , they left me the office of a Cardinall . You ought to account your selfe happy , I answerd him , having so great a dignitie , seeing that few obtaine it , and these with great paines and travell . I would quite it , with all my heart , saith he , and that without pension , if any one would receive it for mee , and I would moreover binde my selfe to him to pay for the seales , because to speake the truth , it is a charge too heavy for me , and hee that gives it , hath not any good reputation among the people nor many friends in the 〈◊〉 and this is the cause that I make no great account of it ▪ And doe not thinke that in saying , that I will no wayes accept of it , I can helpe my selfe of this paine : for it is not in my power , nor in theirs who receive the like charges to be able to refuse them , sithence dignities are bestowed by deservings , and albeit that men refuse them , they are made to take them by force , that no man may refuse them nor make resistance by too great humilitie , they binde it upon him as if he were a foole . Truely my friend , said I then to him ; you ought to account your selfe happy and very fortunate , for such an election ; this being supposed that it is made for deserving , and not for favour . Very fortunate , saith hee , assuredly I am , howbeit an vnworthy sinner , but no wise happy , for if I were , I should not be very fortunate . With this answer I began to see clearly , that he was neither foolish nor drunke : but that dissembling hee covered his words of this his chatting , and resolute to leave him with his — I rise speaking to him some harsh words , to which hee answered with great humilitie , saying , Sir I beseech you to stay your choler a litle : for it is not without a mysterie , that I have spokē to you in a riddle , and beleeve me that in this I have had no other intention , but to hide my mishaps from some — who usually watch harkning after the life of another , to report them to their copsemates . But now seeing that I can utter it to you without feare I will explaine my selfe , being well assured that a man of so good a wit as you are , will not be offended to heare my weakenesse , and will not deny me your good counsell which out of your charitie I promise to my selfe . So know that Cardinall is that which to day at noone one hit mee over the shoulders : The Clarke of harbour hee that receiveth such as are condemned to the Gallies : those of three , are some of our companie , are some that watch the streete , when any theft is committed , and these have the third part ▪ Those of Five are some honorable persons , or at least held for such by th● common people , who hid● and keepe the theft in their house , and for that the fifth part is given to them . Now you shall know that by misliking I being one night in a list that was made , the booty was so little , that there was not whereof to make neither fourth nor fifth , and I being the man that put himselfe in greatest danger I was willing to goe away with all , promising to redresse the bygone fault in another more gainefull occasion . Those of Seven ; and Goe , I will tell my companions found not this satisfaction to the purpose , which I gave them , because that absolutely they would have their share I seeing that it was altogether impossible , for that I had already eaten it , turned the processe to a quarrell , and laying hold on a baton which is the As that you have heard , gave one of them a sound blow over the head ; who seeing himselfe wounded , and his companions cheated , went to S. Scipion who is the Major , and accused mee that I was a theife at Crochet , which is an instrument where with we open all manner of doores , and following the accusation they made me be laid up in prison ▪ The Lords of the Court , whom we call 〈◊〉 , condemned mee to goe the accustomed rounds about the streets , and 〈…〉 to serve his 〈◊〉 in the Gallies of Marseilles . Which execution should be made this same day at noone ; I tremble because ten a clocke is strucke already . If ye have any remedy to give me , ye will doe a great worke of mercy , because I feare that the Hangman having stript mee , and finding five markes about me which were unjustly given me , doubtlesse he will make mee take a shorter journey . The wretch had proceeded thus far with the explaining of darke speech , ere ever 〈◊〉 could break off his discourse ; so great was the astonishment which his entangled met aphors left me in , & ending his story with a deep sigh , which came from his very soule , he fell halfe , dead betweene my armes . He being come 〈◊〉 himselfe againe , I began to comfort him the best I possibly could , counselling , for the last remedy to appeale to the Court , hoping alwayes for more mercie , from the highest seate of justice , than from the inferior Iudges Scarcely had I ended my words but three or foure of his companions , dying for laughter enter'd at the Chappell doore , saying to him that the newes which they had tolde him were false , and those lashes were imaginary , that it was a tricke of his enemies maliciously invented to trouble and vexe him . With this newes the poore wretch came againe so suddenly to his first estate , that save there remained some remembrance of his first taking it to heart , he cut moe than five and twenty capers in the ayre , with a thousand turnings of good liking , and his companions began to play upon him , in which he paid them home their change , with so wittie answers , that hee left me a great desire , to keepe him with me all alone , and at leasure to know at length his vocation and office , and the cleering of some obscure words which he usually mingled in his discourse ; so I intreated him , but he knowing that I had such a desire , in requitall of the patience with which I had heard him , and of the good counsell , which I had given him in his neede , he promist to give me a good account of his life , of his parents life , and the changeable successes which happened to him in his trade ; with all particulars which could be learned amongst those of his office , & having appointed me a place at two in the afternoone ; we went to dinner . CHAP. III. To whom the Theefe relateth the Noblenesse and Excellencie of Theft . THe good Andrew ( for so hee was called ) was not at all slothfull to be at the place appointed , nor to declare to me the Historie which I had requested with so great a desire : for halfe an houre before that , which wee had appointed , I found that hee waited for me with extreame impatience and so great , that almost without saluting me , hee began to relate his Historie , saying . Know , Sir , that if from the time of your birth ye should have gone searching through all the Universities of the world for some one , who with more ground , experience & le●rning then I could informe you of that which yee desire to know , it were impossible to finde him : seeing that in this which toucheth ( and let this be spoken without vanitie ) the understāding of the riddles of Mercurie Trismegstus , and other darke Philosophers , and to be , as they say , of the right haire and feathers , I will not yeelde it to any man in the world . With this and other secrets reserved to my own onely discretion I have found out the Philosophers stone and the true Elixar of life , with which I turne poyson into medicine , the course cloth into cloth of gold , and hunger into fulnesse and satietie more than sufficient , without putting any thing to it of my goods , save the turning of a hand . I doe not deale as a thousand other ignorant people of our daies , who being blinded by the gainfull end which the practise of the great Philosophers-stone promiseth them doe adventure rashly to spend all to finde nothing , & to vndoe a hundred thousand essences to finde one fifth both vncertaine and false , whose excesse and curiositie have none other end but infamie , miscrie and povertie , and finally a shamefull death : for as much as those who have consum'd their owne goods and the goods of their friends , to search for that which they have not found , utter their rage with strokes of hammers upon the seven mettals , which are the cause of their overthrow . And which is worse , with all the tryalls and vnhappie ends of Alcumists , there is not any man to whom curiositie will not awaken the appetite , and provoke the will every time that he heareth any man talke of this arte . Mine is not of this kinde , and therefore lesse subject to the fancies and idle imaginations of Gebor Arnaut , Raymond Lully and other great Advancers of the arte , whose knowledge consisteth in not to be understood ; it is easie , plaine and without any mixture Neverthelesse he who he● will that shall exercise it , it is necessarie that hee be wise , prudent and well advised , because that wanting or failing in one whatsoever it be of these things , a man shall easily lose in an instant all that he hath gained in all his life . This noble art also hath not Aristotles principles , because that as well he as all others that follow him , imagined that nothing could be made of nothing : this being true that in this our Art , all things are made of nothing ; and if we may attribute any principle of them which he propoundeth in his Physicks , it is the pri●ation only ▪ seeing that from it alone we come to the possession of infinit wealth . As ●or our tooles , I cōfesse there are some , forasmuch as there is no trade that can be without them , but neverthelesse they are so easie & so cheape , that we well nigh make them our selves , after they are made , they last time out of minde . The ground then to busie one of our trade , is onely the good courage and sound disposition of his body and limmes , and with this alone a man becommeth his crafts-master , without any other ornament — And doe no● think that this Art , having so poore a beginning as nothing , is shamful or infamous , for it is the most noble , the absolute and the most priviledged of all those that are in the world , so farre forth that acknowledgeth nor respecteth neither King nor knave , nor careth it for all the Monarchs of the earth , nor for the Ecclesiastike power , nor for the Secular : but rather all pay tribute and travels for him . Its fields are fruitfull in drie grounds , it gathers the fruit without sowing , it hath no traffique with any , and demands of all , it lendeth to no body , and all are indebted to it , its harvests grow without raine , and there is not any thing whereof it taketh not the tithes . There commeth not any fleete from the Indies , nor great ship from the Levant , wherof of it not make shew to be partner , there is not a Guine Marchant , that is not its debtor , and finally , it catcheth up all . And which ought to be most valued in this pretious Art , is the great ease with which it is exercised , in which it exceeds all other Arts , that are till these our times found out in the world , the end of which is contrary to that of this , because that is perfected in the doing , this in undoing , and to undoe being more easie than to doe ( as the Philosopher saith ) doubtlesse it is ●ut that our Art is easier than all others whose end is obtained with great paines , travells and difficulties . Honest Andrew had proceeded further in the praises and excellencie of his trade , if I had not broke him off with an extreame impatience , the titles of honour and noblenesse which hee gave it seeming to me altogether improper , as well for that it is of it selfe imfamous , as for the innumerable dangers which usually happen to them , who undertake such like traffiques : wherefore I said to him ; I do not know , Andrew , how nor by what reason you your selfe reckon up to me these Arts so noble , so easie and so profitable , seeing that you have related to me the perilous extremities in which you have beene , which your povertie and calamity assure me to be of little profit & of great misery which is therein , that makes mee to marvel very much at your persevering in your unhappy trade , ere you were made wise by the experiences past . You have reason ( he answered ) and I confesse that many hazards and disgraces light upon vs , but one Oxe eateth more than a hundred Larks , I will say that one good encounter shoulders out many disgraces , which have not in so great number as you thinke , and though they were , it is not possible for vs to give over this trade but by death , because this Art hath I cannot tell what with it , that it is like one sicke of the Dropsie , who the more he drinks the more he thirsts , and of one onely act there becommeth a habite , qui difficilè removetur a subjecto , which is hardly removed from the subject . And I know wel that you wil like my doctrine well , being so learned a man as you are , seeing they are accustomed to dispute among the Philosophers if this maxime of Aristotle ( who saith Expluribus actibus generatur habitus , of many actions is begot a habit ) be Universally true . And some say that of one only action a habit may be bred , which should be understood of morall actions , and those of worser sort : I will affirme that to breede a continuall custome in sinning , one only action is sufficient : but to doe well , there is need of many . The reason is cleere , for that the will of man being disposed to sinne , because it is called fomes peccati , the fewell of sinne , and for the miseries drawen upon it in its conception , one action alone leaveth in it a certaine inward disposition with which it becommeth easie , and disposed to like actions ; but the desire being so marred , corrupt and ill disposed to receive vertue , there needeth not only one vertuous action , but many , if any disposition or custome of doing well should remaine after it . By which you may judge that albeit a thousand disgraces fall upon us it were almost impossible for us to forsake our trade , nor change our life , having already turned it into a nature , and if this should be done , it should be needfull to make the world a new againe , more or lesse all wooll is haire , we are all of us of one brothers hood , no man is content with his state , he that hath most desireth more , that which costeth little agreeth best with us , and all ( as the Proverbe goeth ) like well . But mishap be to that infortunat man who payeth for all ; for as the Proverb saith , the Gallowes are for all such , we rubbe all men , and for those sinnes some are hang'd , others are rich ▪ Happy are they who robbe Hippocrates-like , I will speake as the Physitians ; whose faults the earth covereth , so that no man is able to accuse them , nor aske restitution of his life , and of the money which they have publickly rob'd and in the view of all the world . And though some of these be spirituall men , others temporall , notwithstanding all meete in the same way , and shoote at one marke : for there be also horseleeches which sucke the world sweetly , and wring their necke , with a sad dumpish countenance , and a faire shew colour their ambitious designes with godly words . And for them , it is said in the Proverbe , the Divell is behinde the Crosse. There are others also , who though they wring not the necke , nor speake so much of God , apply neverthelesse the jurisdiction of their offices in favour of him that giveth them most ; who being lap 't in long wide gownes making them to bee respected there is not a man that dare to give thē a word , nor shew by any signe the evil satisfaction that they have by them : but the wretched person that neither hath God in his mouth , nor barke wherwith to hide himselfe , if he be not very wise & prudent all the persecutions of the world hang about him at once , all men spit in his face , and he is the marke of all the abuses in the world : wherfore blame not our Art before you understand it ; for you should so offend all the world & perhaps your selfe , sith no man liveth without f●ult . How much more if you knew what sweetnesse thereis to gather the fruit where one hath not planted , and to find the in gathering in his garner & in his cellar , himself having neither fielde nor vineyard , you would even licke your fingers at it . Is this a smal matter I pray you , that a man riseth in the morning not having penny nor farthing , nor knowing yet whence to have it for to nourish his family , and yet ere night he is worth a hundred crownes , & knoweth not whence they came ? Is this a small matter in greatest sloth and necessitie to finde apparell cut and slasht without paying either for stuffe or making ? Is there any such Noblenesse in the world , as to be a Gentleman without rents , and to have other mens goods so his own , as that hee may dispose of them at his will , without costing him any more but to take them ? Doe you thinke it a small matter to be a Marchant without a stocke , to gaine two hundreth for nothing , without crossing the seas , going to faire or market , not caring if the Marchant turne banque-rupt , if the yeare be barren or plentiful , if wares be deare or cheape ? And if ye will take our trade by way of reputation or credit , doth it seeme a small thing to you , to finde one who will insure us our life , whatsoever wee doe , and to have at our becke some Iudges , who save us from the lash from the Gallies , from torture & from the Gallowes only with a single & wel-assured promise to satisfie them with the gaine of our next theft ? And that they do this not only for us , but for our friends , kindred and acquaintance ? Abuse not your selfe , and acknowledge that there is no life more assured in this world than ours , for instead of one displeasure that wee have , there are infinite pleasures and contentments to be enjoyed . And 〈…〉 much for my profession and trade . CHAP. IIII. To him the Thiefe relateth the life and death of his Parents and the first disgrace that befell him . AS for my race , you shall know that I am a man borne of a woman , in a town of this world , whose name I lost in a sicknesse which I had in the yeare sixe hundred and foure . My , father was called Peter and my mother Hope , people , though meane , honorable and vertuous , of good reputation and praise-worthy manners . And as for the goods of fortune , they were not so great , that they were able to give bribes , nor marry Orphans out of their meanes , nor so meane , that they obliged themselves to aske almes , nor to subject themselves to any man , but they were people that knew how to live , and that had bread to eate , and clothes to put on . In all the course of their life there was nothing found that they could be reproched for , nor whereof they could be reproved , because they heeded no other thing ( particularly my mother ) but to keepe their honour and the good esteeme which they had gained , for which and for the freedoome and faire conditions of their proceedings and conversation , all the world honored and loved them . But as vertue is ordinarily envied , and honest people persecuted , there was no want of malicious and wicked people , who by false and rash calumnies darkned the brightnesse and glistering of their good works & the cleannes of their life . They were accused ( I say ) to have robbed a Church , to have spoiled the Vestrie with the ornaments and chalices , and which is worse , to have cut off S. Bartholomews hand , who was upon an Altar , which they said was of silver . An accusation as malicious as false , especially , for my mothers part , whose devotion towards the Saints was so great , that when she went to Church , if my father had not pull'd her out by the haire , or the Sexton had not shut the doore against her , there was no meanes to make her come out of the Church , although shee had beene three dayes without meate , and her devotion was so knowne to all the people , that she never came forth to the streete , but a thousand folke praied her to say some Ave Maria for women with child , sicke and other afflicted persons , having all of them great faith in her prayers . But as there are traitors enough to condemne a just man , and in this age innocency serveth to no purpose , if it be not favoured , for so much as the Lawes goe as it pleaseth Kings , it came to passe that notwithstanding the reproaches which they gave in against the witnesses , more than sufficient to refute the malice of the accusers , and to manifest the innocencie of the accused , they condemned them to die , and together with them a brother of mine , and my mothers Nephew . Verily the case was strange and scandalous , though false , and their death unjust : but whatsoever the cause I doe not envie them the profit , which let them eate with their bread , they shall not goe to Rome for penance , for there is a God in the world that seeth all things , and seeing he punisheth that he will not suffer one haire of the just to perish , it belongs to him to avenge the wrong done to his servants , for so I may call them , yea even Martyrs , sith they constantly , suffered death for the love of God , they being accused of faults which they had not committed . A tricke , finally that they being poore , they were constrained to pay with their life , that which they were not able with their goods . I only may praise my selfe that I found some mercie with the Iudges , in consideration of my young yeares , and of the small experience that I had ; yet the favour they shewed me , was a grace with sinne : because Iustice left me my life , with condition that I shuld be the executioner of these Martyres . I was very unwilling and did all I could , not to commit so execrable a crime as that is , to take away their lives that had given me mine : but it was impossible to excuse me , but by losing my life with them . Wherefore I considering that another would doe that , which I refused , and of the other side the perswasion of my friends who with a great charge upon my conscience , counselled me to doe it , that so the whole kindred of my parents should not be lost , and that there should remaine some one in the world who might pray for them ; I put on a resolution to doe that which for any other respect I would never have done . But this is my comfort , which is not a little one to me , that my father gave me his blessing at the houre of his death forgiving me all that I could have committed in this world , against the respect and reverence , which I owed him , giving me also some wholesome counsels , and recommending to me vertue and the feare of God , above all that I should ever strive to be like my parents and that I should shew my selfe such a one as those of whom I was descended . With these reasons and some others I remained greatly comforted , and resolved to end my prison with their life . I was left an Orphan , young , alone , or ill accompanied , and without counsell , without knowing what side to turne me to , for to maintaine that life which these gentlemen had left me , because that the cockering and good cheere in which my mother had bred me , had beene the especiall cause of my undoing , shee suffering me to live idlely and lazily . Neverthelesse I seeing that the memorie of the good past brought me no profit , and that if I should live and eate bread it ought to be with the sweate of my browes , I determined to looke out for a master whom I might serve , or some handie-crafts-man with whom I might learne some trade , which was all in vaine , because that the accident of my parents being in fresh memorie , and their infamie yet late , I found not one that would receive me into his house , nay not so much as to be a groome of his stable : wherefore I was forced to leave the countrey , and to goe try my fortunes in a strange countrey . What countrey is that ( I asked him then ) in which your parents dwelt , because if I be not deceived in the discourse of your relation , you have changed its right name as also its surname , and your owne ? Command me not , I beseech you , answered he , to breake a solemne oath which we of our profession have made amongst our selves , which is never to reveale to any man our own● countrey , nor our parent● name , this being supposed that it availeth little to the truth of my history to know it , and though it seemeth to you that it is no my 〈◊〉 to conceale it , beleeve me you are deceived for so much that there is nothing more dangerous in our Art , than to tell a mans true name , as well as of his countrey , as of his baptisme , seeing that as you know , albeit we be fallen a thousand times into the hands of Iustice , and that we be as many times convicted of some crime , w●e onely changing our name , we ever make it appeare that this is the first time that we have beene taken , and the first crime whereof we have ever bin accused , and no man knowing the name of our parents , nor of our countrey they cannot be informed of our lives & manners , nor our parents receive any shame from our disgrace seeing that as you may oftentimes haue seene , when they cōdemne a man the first words of his sentence say ; such a one , of such a place , the son of such a man & such a woman is condemned to be whipt or hanged such a day , moneth and yeare , from which proceedeth nothing else , but sorrow to him that dyeth , and dishonour to his parents . If this be so ( said I to him ) you have reason to hid it , & this being supposed that is not for your availe to tel it , & it availeth not me to know it , let us leave it , and follow your Historie . It fell out then ( said hee ) that about foure leagues from the place of my birth , I put my selfe apprentice to a Shooemaker , it seeming to mee to be the most gainfull of all trades , especially in France , where all those that walke goe at it were post , even as if Iustice were running after them , and where all Shooe themselves against nature , that which is contained being greater than that which containeth that is to say , the foot greater than the shooe , whence it falleth out that the shooes last a very short while . I opened then mine eyes thither and bend my minde to this trade for that beside the gaine it was the most easie . But as from my infancie my parents had taught me to rip , it was not possible for me so suddenly to change the habite which I had already , turned into nature , and so sixe weeks past ere I could learne to set one right stitch . From this ignorance my Master tooke occasion to disdaine me , breaking some lasts on my head , to see if they could leave some impression beside the continuall abstinence with which hee punisht me , some of his friends having said to him that it was a singular remedie — and quicken my wit. This life seemed not good to me nor to bee desired , wherefore I resolved to forsake it , and lay out for another more peaceable , knowing particularly in my selfe some motions of Noblenesse , which inclined me to things higher and greater than to make shooes , wherefore I conclude with my selfe to search all meanes possible to bring me into the house of some man of qualitie and rich , being assured that with the faire conditions and readinesse that I had , my service should be well-pleasing to my Master . Verily the resolution was good , and the thoughts honourable and noble ; but so lame , maime and without force for want of meanes , and apparell to set them forward seeing that it is most certaine , that if with my hands waxed , my apron and other markes of a Shoomaker I should have presented my selfe at the gate of some Knight , they would not have suffered me to enter This difficultie held mee some few dayes in perplexitie without knowing how to enter upon my enterprises , notwithstanding making a vertue of necessitie , being vexed at the miserable life which I led , I determined to draw Physicke out of the disease , and honie from the Bees stings , and endeavouring to revenge my selfe on the Spanish lether and all shooe-makers . To this effect there came a notable boldnesse in my mind , yea and profitable enough and sure , if fortune who then was my enemie had not over-thrown my designes and my inventions , I considered that if I stole any thing out of the house , my shift should have beene discovered in an instant , and I as a stranger and friendlesse , beene ill dealt withall , particularly , with the hatred which my Master bare towards me , & the harshnesse with which they are wont to punish houshold thefts in France . So rising on Fryday morning earely than I had been accustomed , rubbing my hands with waxe and also my face , I went with my apron girt to mee , and my hands all bedawbed , to runne through all the shops of the towne , especially those that were best acquainted with my Master , and telling to every one that were in the shops , that the Gentleman staid at my Masters for a paire of bootes of the eights , to put them on incontinent , I asked for one boote to trie if it would fit him that desired them . None made any difficultie to give me it , thinking that a man could not be served with one boote alone , otherwise the most part of the shooe-makers knew me , and these who had never seene me were in a minute so well satisfied with my presence , that if the first finder out of the trade had come , they could not have given him more credite . With this invention I went almost through all the shops of the towne , ever heeding to aske for a boote of the same size , and last that the first was of : And the invention fell out so to the purpose , and with so great ease that in halfe an houres space , I gathered me then two hundred bootes all of one size , and of one fashion , which having tied up in a sacke , I laid them on my shoulders and betooke me to the way . The fact lay dead without suspition almost two houres , but seeing that I came not backe againe , nor returned the boots which I had carried away , nor tooke that which I had left , all of them suspected that which truely fell out . And so this time being past , moe than a hundred apprentices were at the doore where I dwelt , every one asking for his boote , which my Master and some few of his neighbours , who loved mee not very well , seeing they told the Iustice , who dividing themselves through the three gates of the Citie , met mee not very farre from one of them , because the weight of my burthen suffered me not to get out of sight as I could have wisht . They brought me backe to the towne , and proceeding against mee for the fact yet hot and fresh in minde , they condemned me to walke foure houres through the accustomed streets ( that is to be scourged ) with three yeares banishment . CHAP. V. Of the first Theefe that was in the world and whence theft had its beginning . ALthough this noble Art had no other excellency but the antiquitie of its beginning and the Noblenesse of the first finder out thereof , it might suffice to the end that every good wit should approve it for to be the most Noble of all those which are practized at this day in the world , the first inventour thereof was one of the fairest Angells that was , whose beautie , dignitie and greatnesse was so extolled and high , that the most curious of his perfection found no other title more proper to exalt him than that of the Morning Starre , Governour of the dawning of the day , the Sun's Ambassadour . This then was the first Thiefe that was in the world , or before the world , if it be true that the Angells were created before time , who overcome by an ambitio●s desire , adventured rashly to robbe God of his glorie . But hee was degraded because Iustice tooke him in the fact , and seazing upon all the goods that hee had , condemned him to perpetuall prison , and together with him all his associats . The second Thiefe that ever was in the world was our first father Adam , as bold as the Angell , yet not so blame-worthie for being not so malicious in his sin , and of lesse knowledge , albeit I cannot be perswaded that hee was ignorant of the obediēce , which he owed to his Creator , having knowledge infused in him . Neverthelesse overcome by the importunate reasons of his wife , and tormented with an ambitious curiositie hee was desirous to steale the knowledge and wisedome of God. But it fell out as badly to him as to the Angell , so that his fleeing and hiding himselfe served him to no purpose , for the Iudge having asked him , and he not being able to deny the fact , for that he was taken in the fault , his state of innocencie and originall justice was taken away , he and all his race remaining condemned to spend their life with sweate , travell and mishaps , and his wife to bring forth her children with sorrow . And if you aske mee why God did not equally punish these two theeves , being guiltie of treason , and having attempted one and the same kinde of theft which is the divine perfection . It was to this purpose that I have heard spoken by a great doctour and Preacher of the Church ; because if God had punisht man with the same rigour that hee punisht the Angell withall , he had destroied an intire nature , seing that all men sinned in Adam & so the world had remained imperfect . But in punishing the Angell , this incōvenience followed not , because many other Angels remained in heaven , and all the nature of Angels sinned not , and this is the cause why God was not so severe to man as to the Angels : but you shal better learn this curiositie from some other , who knoweth it better than I do . It is sufficient that those aforesaid Theeves were the first that brought theft into credit in the world . And wee cannot say , that povertie and necessitie stirred them vp to steale , because the first was the noblest and mightiest of all the Angells , and the second was the first of all men , King of the living creatures , and absolute Lord of the earth . From thence is brought in the deceite which to the day , this world seeth , beleeving that poverty was the finder out of theft , seeing it is riches and prosperitie , because the love & desire of honour and riches groweth so much the more as it is increased , as a Poet saith very well . Ambition being an unsatiable fire , in which how much more wood is laid , so much the more it is inflamed , and a Dropsie , in which the more one drinketh , the more hee thirsteth . Even so in those great theeves , the great riches and prosperitie which they had , was the cause of their unruly appetite , and unsatiable ambition , for that they desiring that which they had not , they could not attempt any other theft ▪ but the glorie and wisedome of God , seeing they possessed all the rest . Whence you shall understand , that to steale and robbe is in a sort naturall to man , and that it goeth by inheritance , and propagation in all the linage of men , and not by cunning . For if it be true that we all are partakers of Adams sinne , his sin being nothing else but to robbe God of his knowledge , it is evident , that there is in vs an inclination , disposition and naturall desire to robbe and steale . From Adam this profession was extended to all his posteritie , being alwayes kept on foote amongst the most noble and best qualified of all his children . So Cain , as jealous of this originall vertue , would needs steale from his brother Abel the grace and particular favour with which God received his oblations and sacrifices . Iacob cunningly rob'd the blessing from his brother Esau , and it went well with him . David the wife of Vriah . Achab though himselfe a rich King stole Naboths Vineyard . And finally Nimrod by theft subdued all the Inhabitants of Assyria . And if leaving these and other Theeves almost innumerable , which holy writing relate unto us , wee take the examples that humane histories rehearse unto us , we shall see that this singular Art hath beene alwayes preserved among the Nobilitie , sith Paris stole Helen , ravisht before that by Theseus ; The same Theseus stole Ariadne , and Iason Medea . The Lacedemonians , of whose policie and good government Plutarch maketh honorable mention had this laudable and vertuous custome of stealing , and hee that was most cunning and subtile in that Art , was in greatest account and estimation amongst them . The very mothers taught their children , while they were but little ones , to steale , holding it for an infallible point of policie , that they could never be good and brave souldiers , if they had not beene cunning and well experienced theeves . I will not tarrie now to tell the name and reputation which Vircat got himselfe by his thefts , nor the renowne which Crocota deserved by them in the time of Augustus Caesar , for I should never have done . CHAP. VI. The theefe followeth his historie proving that all men of what qualitie so ever are Theeves . THis Noble profession of stealing hath evermore ( as I have said ) beene held in high esteeme amongst the greatest and best qualified men of the world : but as there is no kinde of vertue nor noblenesse , which is not envied by the vulgar , it became in time so ordinarie & common that there was not so very a Butcher or Porter who would not imitate the Nobilitie in their thefts . Whence and from the little discretion and exceeding great boldnesse that then was amongst people , it was one time so disdained and disliked that those who did openly follow it , were punished with shamefull paines and accounted infamous . But as all things of the world have their contrary weights ; time would needs finde a remedie for this abuse , seeking meanes to steale without punishment , and so disguised , that not only theft seemed not vice , but was esteemed a rare and singular vertue . To this end many brave spirits invented the diversitie of Offices and charges which to this day are exercised in the world , ev●ry one of which serveth 〈◊〉 a maske or cloake to mak● his harvest and inrich himselfe with another ma● goods . And to the end tha● you may not judge my word rash , nor my proposition to● bold , runne , I pray you , ove● all states that are in the Common-wealth , and you shall finde that wee all are the children of Adam . For I thus argue . That man that hath an Office of a thousand Crownes of rent , without any other living , pension or patrimonie , & holds a house for which hee payes eight hundreth Crownes a yeare , keepes a horse & two Pages and a footeman , his wife and two waiting Gentlewomen , his children and a Master to ●ach them , who to keepe ●ll this traine hath neede ●f more then a thousand crownes every yeare , yet notwithstanding with all this charge he is found at the yeares end with two suites of apparell , free from debts & with five hundreth crownes of gaine , and yet it rained no more on his field than on other mens , nor hath he inherited any thing of any of his parents or friends . Ergo a Theefe . A Tailer that eats more than it cost him , and at sixe yeares end gives ten thousand crownes portion in marriage with his daughter , never medling with other trade save his needle and his sheeres . Ergo a Theefe . A Shooe-maker that keepes six prentices in his shop , and workes but foure daies 〈◊〉 weeke ; and those not wholl● at three yeares end that tw● tenements builded in th● fairest streets of the towne every one of which 〈◊〉 worth two him three hundreth pounds of yearely rent , without any other stocke , but that of his leather Ergo a Theefe . The Cler●e who for every sheete of paper that he writes hath but a shilling , and who writes scarcely , sixe moneths of the whole yeare , which are hardly ended but hee is seene to have his Velvet stooles , damaske courtains , silke-hangings , and other rich ornaments , which never came to him by heritage . Ergo a Theefe . Of the same kinde you shal find in all Offices giving you to understand , that 〈◊〉 doe not speake here of the good and honest , but of the ●ewd and baser sort , who ●linded with profit and gain ●reade under their feete the ●eare of God , the love of their neighbour , and the truth of their own cōscience ( who force the poore and ●eedy to take sixe pence for that , which they sell in their shops for twelue pence ) & it is , I say , of those by whom the evills , that I have mentioned ought to be understood . And by reason that the great attention with which you doe harken to my reasons , discovereth the desire that you have to know all that can be said upon this subject , I will shew briefly the invention and deceits which the naughtie Tradesmen use for to robbe and steale . The Tailer stealeth asking a third part more of cloth , then there needeth to make a sute of : and when he that putteth it out to making , presuming to be wise enough for the Tailer , would be by to see it cut , he vexeth him , and casts a mist over his eyes marking foure houres along the peece and overthwart , and when hee hath at last dazeld him with a great many strokes and lines with his chalke , hee throweth a false ply under the sheeres with which at the cutting of a paire of breeches one breech abideth with him for his gain , besides buttons , silke , lace , and lynings . The linnen Weaver stealeth in asking more yarne than the web hath neede of , laying fiftie ells instead of five and fortie and with the remainder of many broken threeds he pincheth out the length , which makes worth to him the eight part , all which he stealeth . The Cordwainer restoreth with his teeth that which hee stealeth with his — biting and drawing thinne the leather , so that of one paire of shooes which one giveth him to make , there resteth to him at least an upper lether or a heele for a third . And if the lether be his owne , he sets on a rotten soale with rotten threed , to the end it may be the sooner spoil'd and fall off , which I thinke but stealing . The Physitian and the Chirurgion both steale , the one appointing and th' other applying plasters , which feed the disease and make it worse to the end that the time of the cure continning long , the fees may be the greater and the more . The Apothecarie stealeth with a quid pro quo — putting in one drugge for another , and taking that which is cheapest , not considering what humour should be purged , and what vertue the drugge hath which he applyeth , in which hee stealeth the honour and reputation of the Physitian , and the sick persons life . And if haply any call for an oile which he hath not , he wil not faile to give of that which hee hath for oile of — or other costly oyle which any shall have asked them , that they may not lose the credit of their shop . The Marchant stealeth in putting out his money upon use , taking more than the statute alloweth , and writing downe in his booke such a debt , which , it may be , shall be thrice paid , The Notary stealeth with an ( &c. Et coetera ) a whole Lordship , and if there be a question of any criminall processe , the Scrivener for money that he shall take of a forfeit , will sell the soule of the poore innocent . The Counsellour & the Atturney steale selling a thousand lies to the poore client , making him to understand , that he shall win his cause , albeit they see cleerely that he hath no right at all ; and many times it falleth out that the Lawyer agreeth with another to sell the parties right and part the gaine betweene them . The Iudge stealeth Iustice from this man , having pitie on him , who by some bribe shall have already corrupted him , wresting violently the texts of Bartole and Baldus for his own profit . The Drugster and other Marchants , that sell by weight steale , putting under the scale a very thinne plate of leade , where they put that which they would weigh , with which they shew that there is more then weight , albeit there be many ounces , and when they doe not that , with their little finger they touch the tongue of the ballance with which they make the scale sway to what side they will. The Vintner stealeth a hundreth thousand wayes , mixing and blending one wine with another , beside the water that hee putteth amongst it , and when his wine by the force of so much mingling and watering hath his strength , hee hangeth amongst the lees a little bagge full of Cloves , Pepper , Ginger and other spices , with which he makes it still seeme to be good . The Butcher also stealeth blowing up his meate with a Cane , that so they may seeme the bigger , and that he may sell them at a deerer rate than they are worth . The Treasurer stealeth the third part , yea the halfe of a pension , when a poore needie man asketh him , because that hee , who should receive it , being drown'd in debt or charged with some vrgent necessitie , denieth not to give the halfe , nor makes he any conscience to demand it . The Marshall stealeth taking a poore harmelesse man , and laying him in hold never telling him for what , and at the end of three or foure dayes that hee keepeth him in a chaine , sends a Divell of those that belong to the prison , to tell him that hee is accused for making of false coine , and that there are ten witnesses who have given evidence against him : but that for the respect of some of his friends , hee will set him at libertie some evening , if he will give him a hundreth Crownes to give content to the witnesses , and to make them in some sort to hold their tongues , whereby the poore wretch being sore affrighted , selleth all to the shirt on his backe to be rid of so great affliction . The Courtier stealeth the report of a favorite , ascribing to himselfe that which another receiveth : because being loaded with feathers , brussing up himselfe , poised and straighter than a spindle he goeth to the Court , and hearing , at the gate , or in the Court-yarde where the Pages waite , some newes , hee returneth to see his friends , and gives them to understand , that the King drew him aside , speaking secretly to him two houres , and amongst other things hee told the newes that hee brings . The Perfumer stealeth mingling the perfumes and multiplying the Muske with a Cowes liver r●sted , the Amber-grees with sope and sand , and the Sivet with some Butter . The Priest stealeth , saying foure Masses instead of forty for which hee hath bin paid beside the monie that he receives for yearely Masses for the dead , Answers and other duties which he never remembers . The Religious ( Monkes and Friers ) steale whole patrimonies , assaulting with a grave countenance and a wry necke a poore sicke man at the point of death , and laying before him a mountaine of doubts and burthens of conscience , turning and stirring them up to pious deeds , applying to their own Monasterie all that which he was bound to restore , without ever making any scruple of conscience to leave halfe a dozen of Orphans defeated of their inheritance , and the sicke mans wife to live upon almes . The Preacher stealeth , picking from S. Thomas and S. Austin the best of their workes , and having robbed them to their very thoughts , selleth in the Pulpit their doctrine as though it were his owne making himselfe the inventor and author of that which belongeth not unto him . The Blind man stealeth the halfe of every song that he singeth , because that having received money from him that biddeth him sing , and it seeming to him that he is gone from him three or foure paces , he beginneth againe his first tune , and asketh a new that some body would make him sing another . The Begger stealeth telling a thousand lyes to him that giveth the almes , saying that he hath bin robbed , that he hath beene sicke , that his father is in prison , and coun●erfeiting himself lame , with which hee pulleth from men their almes . Finally , all doe steale , and every handy-crafts man hath his own invention and particular subtiltie to this effect : but seeing there is no rule so generall , that hath not its exception , wee may exclude from the number of Theeves all those that have a good conscience , as foote-men , Hostlers , Cookes , Sergeants , Iailers , Under-jaillers , Panders , Bawdes , Ruffians and Whores . CHAP. VII . Of the difference and variety of Theeves . ALl the Theeves aforesaid are called discreete , because that every one in his place striveth to cover theft the best hee can , transforming it into Nobilitie and vertue , and this manner of stealing is the safest and most secret . Of these there is as great varietie and difference , as there are severall Offices in the Common-weale , yea there are other Theeves who steale openly and without maske : who , although they are not so many in number as the former , are notwithstanding moe , and their differences are as many as there are inventions to steale , which being redacted into a shorter number , are divided into Robbers , Staffadours , drawers of Wooll , Grunets , Apostles Cigarets , Dacians , Mallets Cut-purses , Satyrs , Devont , and Governours of the House . The Robbers steale upon the high wayes and solitarie places with great cruelty and tyrannie , because that seldome doe they robbe without killing , fearing to be discovered and followed by justice . The meanes & slights that they have to coine to their purposes are diverse for sometimes they will follow a man fifteene dayes never losing the sight of him , waiting while hee goe out of the towne . And the better to over-reach him one of the companie goeth disguised in a Marchants-habit , a guest of the same Inne , with a certaine packe of old cloth , or some other invention , giving to understand that he is a strange country Marchant , and feareth to travell alone . With this lye he falleth into discourse with the poore Marchant or passenger craftily getting out of him , that which hee desireth to know , & learning whence he is , whether he goeth , what Marchandise he carrieth , or what businesse he goeth , about , and when he is to be gone , whereof giving notice to his companions , they lye in waite for him at some place most convenient for their purpose . O●hers make themselues lurking holes behinde some bushes , growne up to the thicknesse of a wood , and when they perceive a far off , or by some spie , a passenger , they lay in the middle of the way a purse made fast , some shew of money , or a little budget , that in the meane time while he alighteth and staieth to take it up , they may come timely enough to take from him that he carrieth . Others being hid in the most secret places of the high way , send one of their companie in Carriers clothes , who seeing the Passenger approach stayes to looke on him , and making shew to know him and to have some letters for him , & holding him in talke , bufieth him in such fashion , that the others have the time and meanes to surround him . Others lying somewhat out of the way , faigne a lamentable and pitifull voyce , with which they tye the passenger to stay , and to goe see what it is , and while he that makes this moane deceitfully declareth his griefe , the ambush leapeth out that strippeth him to his shirt . Your Staffadours are a second sort of robbers , little differing from the former , though more courteous , and not so bloudy ; those goe calmely into the house of some Marchant , and not finding him there , seeke for him at great leasure , at the Exchange , in the fields , at Church , and in the middle of a thousand people , drawes neere to him softly talking in his eare , making as though hee would communicate to him some-busines of great importance , and shewing him a Dagger , saith , this Dagger demandeth a hundreth crownes , brought to such a place , such a day , and if you doe it not , you shall die for it . The poore Marchant sore affrighted by such words dareth not to misse , for feare to be killed . The Wooll-drawers take their name from the theft they practise , which is to snatch cloakes in the night , and these have no other cu●ning save the occasion : they goe ever by threes or foure● betweene nine or ten a cloc● at night , and if they do finde a fit opportunitie they let 〈◊〉 not slip . Most commonly they come forth to snatch cloakes in the darkest and rainest nights , and to them places which they see is most quiet and most out of the way , at least upon the one side , to the end that the neighbours may not come forth ( at the outcryes and noise which the robbed are commonly wont to make ) and take them . These same are accustomed sometimes to go in Lackeyes clothes to come in to some Maske or feast , making shew to looke for their Masters , and with this liberty , they meete with ● heape of cloakes , that the Gentlemen use to leave in the Hall , being sure that nobody will meddle with them they in the view of all in the place , nimbly take up two or three on their shoulders , and get them gone with them , saluting all those whom they meete , with Cap in hand . The Grumets take their name from the likenesse that they have to those young boyes in ships , who clime up with great nimblenesse , by the tacklings to the top of the Mast ; and the sailers call them Cats or Grumets . Those that beare this name steale by night , climing up lightly , by a ladder of ropes , at the end of which they have two little hookes o● iron , to the end that throwing them up to the window ; it may catch hold there and they easily get up and empty the house . These runne about the City and the Cou●try , stealing not onely gold and silver , but also Wheate , Rye , Barley , Oates , and finally all that ever they doe finde , and when they have plaid their prize , they cunningly tye a line made fast to the point of the little hookes , which , after they are come downe , they drawing , the two hookes are raised and the ladder falleth , without ever leaving any print or marke of the theft . The Apostles take their name from S. Peter , because that even as hee beares the keyes of Heaven , so also they ordinarily carry a picklocke or vniversall key with which they open all manner of doores , and because of too much noise , that the locke may not rattle , and awaken the people a sleep , they put in a plate of leade with which they breake it in peeces , so that they who lie neerest can perceive nothing . Those whom they call Cigarets , have for their particular office to haunt Churches feasts and publique assemblies , at which they cut off the halfe of a cloake , cassock sleeves , halfe a gowne , the quarter of a jumpe and finally whatsoever they finde , for of all these they make money . The Devout are Church-theeves , because there are no Easters , Pardons , nor Iubilie which they visite not : they are continually on their knees in the Monasteries , having their beades in their hands , to cloake their knavery , waiting their time , either under some Altar , or behinde some table , on the eeve of some solemne feast , to the end that they may get out by night . — and to spoile the image of all the ornaments about them . In this sort of theft they do moreover adventure into the Monasteries of the Religious as well as into other Churches , because that as they charitable , and feare to be accounted disorderly , they seldome put a theefe into the hands of justice , and for all the mischiefe that hee commits a man getteth out of their hands , chastised with one onely discipline all about the Cloisters by a procession of Monks who charge him , after his amendment , to feare God. The Satyrs are men living wilde in the fields , that keepe their holds and dwelling in the Countrey and forsaken places , stealing horses , kine , sheepe and all kinde of cattle which by occasion come in their walke . The Dacians are cruell , mercilesse people , held in our common-weales in lesse account than th' other theeves : these steale children of three or foure yeares old , and breaking their armes and legges lame and disfigure them , that they may afterwards sell them to Beggers , Blinde folkes and other vagabonds . The Overseers of the house have this name frō the particular care that they have to looke out for provision of bread , meate , and other vi●tualls to feede their companions , and as there is not any thing in the world that a man loveth better than to eate and drinke , the inventions and meanes that theeves have , are so severall and so exquisite that it is impossible to ●ell them all . Some are accustomed three or foure to meete in the twilight at night and taking a bottle of five or sixe pottles with a fourth part of water in it , they goe to a Taverne bidding them fill the bottle with the wine in the house , and having agreed for the price , the poore Vintner beginneth to measure while it be almost full , then they make shew of a desire to taste it , if it be the wine that they bought at the beginning , and scarcely have they tasted it when bending their browes , casting up their eyes and wrying their nose they cry out at the wretched Vintner , saying that he is a theefe and a deceiver , who hath changed them their wine . The poore fellow seeing that his oathes and curses availe nothing , is content to take his wine again and to take out the bottle the measures that hee had put in , by which meanes they have a fourth part left so well seasoned that it may passe for wine of sixe pence a quart . Other whiles they goe five or sixe in companie to the Taverne with two great pots so like th' one to the other , that very hardly can there any difference be perceived betweene them ; they carry th' one emptie and the other full of water under his cloak , and biddes them fill the emptie one with the best wine that they have , never taking care for the price , and it being full , the one of them takes it under his cloake , and the other staies reckoning with the Vintner , holding his purse in his hand and making shew to pay him : being upon these termes , the others come in , and aske alowd whether or no they shall suppe there , which the Vintner seeing , allured presently by the gaine that hee shall make if they suppe at his house , perswades them to stay , and they take his counsell determining to goe to the Cookes to buy some joynt for supper , and to call backe the rest of their comerads , leaving the pot full of water to the Vintner , that he may keepe it in the meane while till they come backe , with which he remaineth contented and well assured , thinking hith himselfe , that though they never returne , the pot notwithstanding shall remaine with him for his gaines . As for the provision of flesh , poulterie and other things they have a thousand inventions , whereof I will tell you one only which hapned long agoe to one of my copsemates . It was , if I rightly remember , on a holy Saturdayes market , in which they sold great store of Hennes , Partridges , Rabbets , Pullets and other things against the feastivall day . Three of the company went out to seeke for provision , dividing themselves every one to his owne walke , the two met with a Countrey-Clown loaded with Capons and Partridges , which were in the market ; one of them drew neare to buy up all that he had , & cheapning a quarter of an houre with the Clowne , agreed to give him ten Nobles for all his ware , giving it to his fellow to carry it home , and he stayed behinde with his hand in his pocket , making as if he would pay him . He searcheth both the sides , of his hose , drawing out first a great purse , next a little one , afterwards a hand-kercher tyed in knots with some papers folded up , with which he inchanted the Clown , and gave his companion time and leasure enough to get him out of sight , and at last not finding in all his budgets the whole summe , he bids the Clowne follow him and he should pay him . The Clown was content , and beginneth to follow him with diligence , and almost on the trot , because that as my Companion had an intention , to get out of sight crossing the streets and lanes he walk't a-pace with posting speede . But seeing himselfe so closely followed by the Clown he went into the Cloister of the Austin Friers , where there were some Friers confessing folkes , and having made a devout prayer , hee turned himselfe towards the Clown , saying to him , My friend , the provision that you have sold me is for this House , and that Father , who is there a confessing is the Proctour , I will goe tell him that he must pay you ; and speaking thus , he comes to one of the Confessors with the Clown after him , and turning a little aside hee put sixe pence into his hand , and whispers him in the eare saying , Father , this country man is one of my acquaintance , and commeth hither to be confest , he lives sixe miles hence , and he must of necessitie goe backe to his house this evening , I beseech you to do me the favour to confesse him out of hand and let him goe . The good Father obliged by the almes given aforehand , promist him , that when hee had ended the penitents confession whom he had at his feete , hee should dispatch him presently . With this answer , he called to the Clown , and said to him , friend , the Father will dispatch you by and by , when he hath made an end of confessing this man , to which the Father added goe , not hence , I will give you content presently . With these words my companion par●ed from them , and the Country-man staid , reckoning on his singers the money that hee should lay out on shooes , hat and other trifles which hee minded to buy as well for himselfe , as for his familie out of his Poultry money . The penitent makes an end of his confession , and the father makes a signe to the Clown to draw neere ; the Clown was not in so trembling a perplexitie , with so great hast as those who come to confession , which the good father was much offended at , it seeming to him that he had little devotion and lesse humility to be confest . The Clown stood bolt upright , looking heedfully upon the Confessor , to see if he should put his hand in his pocket , and the Confessor look't upon the Clown in like manner , astonisht to see him stand with so little devotion . Notwithstanding excusing him because of simplicitie which is ordinarie to these Country people , hee biddes him , kneele . The Clowne at the beginning made some resistance , thinking it to be an extraordinarie ceremonie for one to kneele to receive money , neverthelesse at last he did it though grumbling . The father bids him make the signe of the Crosse , and say his confession , whereat the Clown lost all patience , beleeving the Confessor to be out of his wits , and standing up beginneth to mumble within his teeth and to sweare with great obstinacie . This assured the Confessor that the Clown was possest with a Devill , and having made the signe of the Crosse beginneth to conjure him , putting S. Austins girdle about his head , and saying some devout prayers , with which the Clowne went out of his wits , taking the good Father by the surplis and casting him down upon the ground , demanding aloud mony for his poultry . The father supposing that hee had all the fiends of Hell together upon him , beginneth to say , the Letanie with a weake and affrighted voyce , and to commend himselfe to all the Saints in the Almanacke , praying them to aid him . At the clamour and noise , the whole Convent began to be troubled , all the Monkes comming out in procession with the Crosse and the Candlestickes , casting holy water on every side , and beleeving that there was a Legion of Devils in the Church . They came thither where the Confessour was at debate with the Clown , who still was asking money , for his Poultry , & the Prior having asked the Cōfessour concerning this accident & having also heard the Clownes reason , the justice of them both was discover'd with my Cōpanions wicked deede . In the endsome devout persons who were in the Church , paid the Clown his monies who went backe contented unto his house . CHAP. VIII . The Theefe continueth the differences among Theeves with three disgraces that befell him . THe Cut-purses are the commonest Theeves of our Common-weale , who have an endlesse deale of meanes and wayes to steale . All their studie consisteth in thrusting their hand in the pocket of whom they approach , and cunningly to draw his Purse from him ( he not perceiving it ) with all that hee hath in it . These haunt the Churches , Sermons , Faires , Assemblies & publicke meetings , that they may worke their feate in the throng , he that takes the purse gives it presently to another that is by him , that if he should be taken with his hand in his pocket , he might prove them lyars and cleare himselfe before all the world . I will tell you a wittie tricke which I once plotted , though it fell out but badly by me , seeing that the heedfulnesse , with which you hearken to me , makes me know that you are not wearie to heare me . The last yeere there came to London a Marchant of Italie , rich , courteous and of good carriage , who being in rouled by our spies I tooke the charge upon me to deale with him . I rose that day betimes in the morning , lest I should lose the occasion , and after I had dog'd him through many streets , Lanes and Churches ( for he was verily a good Christian ) wee came to a crowd of Marchants wont to be kept in the Exchange about eleven a clock , seeing him alone , I came to him , talking to him of a bargaine very profitable & certaine , which made him open his eyes , and listen heedfully to my reasons . Then seeing him thus fitted to my inventions , I winded him gently into a Maze of difficulties , in such sort , that I never ceast to declare to him the businesse , nor he to learne the circumstances . My Camerade then drew neare making shew as if he knew me not ; and to be desirous to interpret the traffick for him which I had propounded , whereupon the Marchant began to take no more heede to me , and I to thinke evermore of him . I put secretly my fingers in his pocket to try the depth and breadth thereof , & perceived that it and its Masters little care gave me free liberty to put in all my hand . I did so and at the first essay , I drew his purse , at the second a silver Watch , which he carried tied to a small gold-chaine , with which I might have bin content if stealing could be limited . I was resolved to try the third time , to see if I could draw thence a Holland hankercher , which before he had shewed edged with curious bonelace , but I could not be so nimble to draw it , nor my Companion to hold him in talke , but he felt me , and running to save his pocket with his hand he could not misse but meete with mine , wherewith being vext and suspitious , he presently knew that he had lost his purse and his Watch , and not finding them he tooke me by the necke , crying A theefe A theefe . I foreseeing the evill that might befall mee ( for Astrologie is very necessary for a Theefe ) had given the purse and Watch from underneath my cloake to my companion , as soone as ever I had drawne it , who was but only two steps from me : Wherefore with the assurance that I had , that he would finde about me that which he sought , I scorned all he said , giving him the lie a thousand times . The Marchant holding me fast by the coller , with a loude voyce calling for his purse , in such sort that he made all upon the place to gather together . But my Camerade seeing that my honor runne a great hazard , if the businesse should be proved amongst so many people , secretly calls a crier who was at a corner of the place , whom he made cry , If any one had lost a purse and a silver Watch , that he should come to him , & give true tokens therof , he would restore them , and withall departed the place . Hardly was the sound of the first cry heard but my good Italian let me goe , intreating me with great humilitie to forgive him the rash judgement conceived of me , which I did at the request of the companie , and presently got me out of sight . He went as nimble as a Roe to seeke for the cryer , and having found him he gave the true tokens of his losse , but he that had bid him doe it could not be found any more ; and so I escaped this dangerous accident . The Duendes a Larins so called for the likenesse that they have with the spirits of this name , begin to walke through the towne in the evening , and finding some doore open , they enter softly , hiding themselves in the Cellar , in the stable , or in some other dark secret place , to the end they may throw out at windowes all that is in the house , when those within are fast a-sleepe . I adventured once to play such a pranke , and turne my selfe in an Angell of darkenesse , but I was deceived . It fell out then , that one night on the Eeve of a high holy-day I went to seeke my fortune , my mishap made me meete with a doore halfe open , into which thrusting my head I saw that all my body might enter , I went up a paire of staires to a great Chamber well furnisht and fitted , and thinking that it was a safe course for me to hide my selfe under a bed , while these of the house were gone to rest , I did so . After foure houres that I had laien all along on the flower , I heard a noyse of folks , comming up suddenly into the Chamber , you neede not aske if I was heedfull to see who they were , and by and by with the light of a Candle I saw the feete of two footmen and one maide laying the cloth with great diligence , and were making of a fire , because the Master of the house was to suppe there . The table furnish't with sundry dishes of meate , foure or five sate downe , besides the children that were in the house . I was then so affrighted and confounded , that I thinke verily if the noise of their voyces and the great number of children had not hindred them , they might have heard plainely the beating of my joynts , because my buttockes beate so hard one against the other , that I thinke the noise might have bin heard halfe a mile off . By mischance there was a little dogge , that runne about gnawing the bones that fell from the table , and one of the children having thrown him a bone , a Cat that watch't under the table was more nimble to catch it with which she run away to hide her under the bed , the dog grinning and pressing to take the bone from her , but the Cat could so well use her clawes and defend her prize , that having given the Dog on the nose two or three blowes with her paw , there began so great a skirmish , and there was such a hurly burly between them , that one of the waiters tooke a great fire-shouell that was in the 〈◊〉 him . ney and cast it so furiously under the bed , that if , as it gave me over the nose with the broad side , it had lighted on me with the end , it had kill'd me out-right . The blow was so great , that I was above halfe an houre ere I could come to my selfe , but it made the Cat come out like a thunder from under the bed , and the Dog staied grinning and barking with such a fury that neither fawning nor threatning of mine could quiet him , wherat the waiters at table were so vext that they began to chase him out , throwing fire-brands at him , which made him come out from under the bed , and leave me there in the pangs of death . The Dogges noise was done , and there began another in my guts , so violent , that to stay the sudden rumbling of a flux in my belly , which the apprehension and feare had moved I was constrained to sneeze thrice , & with the force of my sneezing to wrong my breeches by the liberty of that unjust violence . These two noises met together , and making one of two , increast so much the force , that it made all at table rise , and take off the Candles , to see what was this novelty . They pulled me out , but I could give no reason that could be heard , nor humble suing that could be admitted , so I remained subject to the rigour of their vengeance , they stript me starke naked and binding me hand and foote , they began to scorch me with a lighted Torch not without loud laughing , and after they had satisfied their furious passion , they put me in the hands of Iustice , out of whose power I escaped signed and sealed . The Mallettes are a sort of theeves who hazard themselves upon great perills and inconveniences , for they are made up in a bale , basket or dry fat , faining that it is certaine Marchandise sent over , which they make some one or other of their friends in Marchants apparell carrie from one house to another , that when night commeth and every one being fast a sleepe , he cutteth the cloth with a knife , hee breaketh forth to empty the house . I was one of those when the fourth disgrace befell me , because a friend of mine having counterfeited to have foure bales to be laid by night in a rich goldsmithes house , counsel'd me to be pack't up in one of them , covering the sides thereof with cloth and webs of fustian . The goldsmith made no difficultie to receive them , forsomuch as he had not them i● keeping but a little while , and that he thought , if the owner in the meane time should happen to die , some one of them might fall to his share , so he made them to be laid in his backe-shop , whereby I was well assured to worke my feate . I waited while night with such desires as that plot deserved , which notwithstanding fell out to my disgrace ; for three or foure prentises meeting that night in the house , of intention to tarrie there upon occasion of the bales , resolving to lay them together , and lye upon them . After supper , every one withdrew himselfe . The prentises fitting the unhappy bed , or to say rather , the bale , in which I was in the middle of the others , on which they began to sleepe so soundly , that one might have drawne them a mile and never awakened them . I being impatient of the exceeding great weight that I felt , not daring to stirre my selfe more then I had bin dead ; and on the other part the little breath that I had , being choaked , I began to stirre my selfe a little , and seeing the unmoveable weight of that which was on me ; I certainly beleeved that they had layd a bale upon me ; with which imagination , and the extreme anguish that I suffred , I drew a sharpe knife , and thrusting it up , I made a great hole in the tillet of the bale , and a huge deepe wound in the buttocks of him that lay upon me . Hee rose like a thunder raising his voyce to the heavens , calling for neighbours helpe and the Iustices aide , thinking that some one of his companions would have kill'd him . The confused noise of all the neighbours , and the alarum was so great , that ere the Master of the house had lighted a candle , the Iustice beating open the doore came in , and finde the poore wounded fellow in his shirt bleed and faint , and the other vexed and confounded , takes the deposition of him that was wounded never taking notice of the bale , nor comming neere it , thinking that it was not needful to know the place where hee was hurt . But the goldsmith , who attentively hearkened to the Iustice , and beheld the circumstances of the fact , seeing the poore-hurt fellow all bloudie , supposed that the bales and the cloth in them might be bloudy and spoil'd and he bound to pay them , and with this unquietnesse he came neere to looke on the bale , and seeing it cut thrust in his fingers to trie if nothing was spoil'd , and he mist not to finde my bearde . I could very well have bitten him if I had thought it had bin the best of my play , but I lay quiet , thinking that he would never guesse what it was . He held the torch nigher to the hole , and stooping to see that he had touch't , the waxe began to melt and drop upon my face , which forced me to remove a little , and him to marre all , crying aloud . Theeves , Theeves . The Iudge came neere , who was yet making one write the deposition of the hurt man , and opening the bale , they found one within it . They carried me to prison , whence I came out at the seventh day after at a cartes taile well accompanied , beside other favours that they did me , whereof the greatest was to condemne me to the gallies . All the aforesaid Theeves have ordinarily their spies at Exchanges , Faires and common Markets , viewing all that goe and come , and learning what money they carrie , how much , and in what sort , where they leave it , and in what hands , to give notice thereof to the companie . And herein there is such diligence , and so great care , that there commeth not any stranger to the towne , but in a quarter of an houre after he is registred in our booke with all his qualities : to wit , whence becommeth whither hee goeth , and what is his trafficke : and if there be any negligence herein , the spies that have these places of the Citie in their charge , lose the profit and gaine that should come to them that day , out of the common purse , beside a shamefull reproofe which our Captaine giveth them in presence of all the other Theeves . CHAP. IX . Wherein the Theefe relateth his wittie diligence to free himselfe out of the Gallies of Marseiles . YOu may thinke , I had no great maw to that journey ▪ which these Gentlemen commanded me towards Marseils , sith there could be no pleasure in that which is done upon constraint . Neverthelesse I obeyed with great resolution , hoping that fortune would offer some good occasion to set me at libertie : so all my studie and care was onely to finde out the means to attaine to this end . And having tried many which came to no effect , he practized one which might have hapned well , if fortune had bin content with my past troubles , and had not made mee fall any more in the try all thereof . The invention then was on this wise . The Captaine of the Gallie , where I was slave , being exceedingly in love with a Lady of good ranke , and she in no wise loving him , hee tried all meanes ( though impossible ) to bring her to his bow , and as is usuall with Lovers to be the more inflamed when they finde their beloved hard to be won , the Ladies extreme coldnesse was burning coales to the Captaine , in such sort that he never enjoyed rest but when he was talking of his love . I having got knowledge by the report of a slave that went daily to my Masters house , there to carrie water , wood , and other necessaries , determined to try my fortune , and not lose the occasion . So I spake him kindly , promising him that if he would faithfully ayde me , that he might hope assuredly for his liberty , whereof I would as well make him certaine as of mine own . The good Antony , ( for so the slave was called , ) put so much trust in my words , hearing me speake of libertie which I had promist him , that waited but for the houre to be employed in that which I did intreate him , and he thought there was not time enough ; hoping with great impatiēce , that I should declare to him that which he was to doe for me : who seeing him so well minded on my behalfe , and otherwise sillie , faithfull and true , I shewed him my resolution , recommending to him secrecie , and wisedome above all things . I said thus unto him , My friend Antony , know that it is long since I have desired to impart a secret to thee , which I will tell thee of : but as all things require wisedome , patience , and the occasion , I have not done till now ; because I thought it not fitting till now to do it : as also , because not being so satisfied ( as I am this present ) of thy goodnesse , seeing , as the Proverb saith , one should eate a bushell of salt with his friend ere he trust him . Thou knowest well our Masters love with this Lady that dwelleth by the great Church , and how much he is out of kelter for her , yet never having received one favour of her , after so long time spent in her service , and so many Duckets spent in vaine for love of her . Now if I should finde a meane and assured invention , to make him without the spending of one shilling , or troubling her doores enjoy his pleasure , what reckoning would the Captain make of this service , and what reward would he give him who should bestow on him that which he so earnestly desireth ? Verily ( answered Antonie ) I hold for certaine that he would turne foole at his contentment , and not only would he give thee thy libertie , but also to all those for whom thou shalt aske . Go to friend , said I , if thou hast any particular acquaintance with some one of them who are most familiar and best liked in the Captaines house , thou must acquaint him with this businesse , that he may tell him , and assure him that I will doubtlesse doe that I promise , and I counsell thee that it be not delayed . The content which Antony received was so great , that without bidding me farewell , nor answering me one word , he went from me like a lightning , intreating a souldier o● the Gallie , that he would bring him into the Captaines house , to talke with him of a matter of great importance . He was there , and could give order for my businesse , that halfe an houre after , the Governour of the house came to the Master of the Gallie , charging him to send me with a souldier to the Captaine , because he would see me . The quicke effect which Antonies diligence wrought , gave me extreme great contentment , and made me hope that so good a beginning would bring my designes to a happie end . Finally , I was at my Captaines house , tattard , torne , and naked , and with a great chaine tyed to my foote . He comming to meete me , as if I had bin a man of great ranke , and lay●ng his hand upon my shaven head , began to talke kindly to me , asking me what country-man I was , what was my name , and why I was condemned to the Gallies . And I having answered him in a dissembling manner , and lying the best I could , he drew me aside , to a corner of the Chamber , asking if that which Antony had promist him , was certaine , Sir , answered I him , I know not what he hath said , nor what promise he hath made , yet I will tell you , that if he hath spoken according to that which I told him , all is true , without failing one tittle . Sir , I told him , that if you would promise to release me out of this distresse which I indure , and to give me my libertie freely and wholly , I should make you injoy the love which you desire with so great passion and which so torments you , I promise you moreover and assure you , that making this condition with you , if I performe not my promise you shall my head cut off , or throw me into the sea . Thou bindest thy selfe greatly ( said he with a smiling countenance , alreadie desirous to see the effect of my promise ) but if thou art a man of so great knowledge and skill , that thou canst doe this for me , this Gallie wherin thou art shall be thy fortune , for I shall not onely be content to give thee thy libertie but I will make thee one of my houshold servants , and the best respected of them all . But tell me , after what manner canst thou doe it ? Sir , you shall know ( said I ) that I was bred with a great Astrologer , who under pretence to cast Horoscops and Nativities dissembled his Magicke with so great craft , that there was not any one in the world that suspected him . He made use of me in some of magicall experiences , supposing because I was young and of a dull wit I would understand nothing of the secrets of his Art. But he was deceived there , because though I seemed foolish and ignorant , yet I had an eye on all his tryalls , and I studied them so well , that many love secrets stucke in my memorie , ●mongst which I have one most certaine and approved , with which if a woman were harder then the Adamant , I will make her softer then the waxe . In such sort that the secret which I propound to you is Magicall , not naturall , and it is requisite to have some haires of the party beloved , to put it in execution ; with which , and with some Ceremonies that must be performed , the Gentlewomans heart will be so set on fire , that she shall take no rest , but when she is with or thinketh of her beloved . Notwithstanding this must be done in the night , at the waxing of the Moone , and in the fields , there being but only three in the companie , and these stout and resolute , that cannot be dismaied nor frighted , fall out what may , or whatsoever they see . If , saith the Captaine , that to further the businesse there needeth no other thing but a good heart , we shall easily have our desire , for though all Hell should stand before me , it were notable to make me give backe so much as one step , nor once to change my colour , or countenance : and for the haires that thou hast mentioned , I will give thee as much as thou shalt desire . I know Sir , ( answered I ) by your face that your naturall inclination is very fit for Magicke , and if you had studied it , you would worke wonders by it . So now seeing the time favoureth us , and that you have the Ladies haire , let us not suffer this waxing of the Moone to passe with bringing our businesse to passe . You may goe out on horsebacke , and he also that shall accompanie you , as for me , though ill bestead with the weight of this chaine , I will not forbeare to goe a foote . All shall be in readinesse ( saith the Captaine ) against thursday night , & sith experience hath made thee Master in this Art , prepare thee well and studie that which thou oughtest to doe , to the end that our designe may not be lost by negligence or little care ; and for the present get thee backe to the Gallie ; for I will send to thee by the governour of my house who shall be the ●hird of our companie , a faithfull man , couragious & valiant , and if there neede any thing to this purpose , thou maist in the meane time provide thee , for I will take order that all be paid that thou shalt buy . With this good answer I parted from my Master more joyfull and merrie then the flourishing Spring seeing my businesse thrive so well at so good a passe , and being returned to the Gallie I found my good Antony , who waited for me with great impatience to know what I had bargain'd with the Captaine , and upon what termes my affaires stood , to whom I related all that we had agreed upon , and the kindnesse that he received me withall in accepting my promise , assuring him that when I was in favour , the next thing I asked should be his libertie . Hardly had I begun my discourse , but I perceiued the Governour of the Captaines house entring the Gallie , his visage inflamed , his eyes staring and dansing , and he running , as he had quickesilver in his heeles , asked where I was , and having perceived me , and drawne me aside , he said to me , I am Governour of the house to the Captaine of this Gallie , who hath commanded me to come hither , and to know of thee all that shall be necessarie for the businesse that you talked of , dispose and appoint at thy pleasure , for I have money for all , and because that I may offer thee something in my own behalfe , take this crown of gold which I give thee as a token of that friendship which shall be between us , and I assure thee that thou shalt have a good friend of me at the Captains hands . But as reason would thou must answer me with mutuall acknowledgment , in doing some thing for me . You shall binde me much Sir , ( I answered him then very humbly , ) having disparaged your selfe so much in regard of him , who is so farre unequall : consider in what my weakenesse and my povertie can serve you ; for I will performe it with all my soule . I will not , saith the Governor , that thou hazard thy soule , because it is Gods , but I would faine intreat thee , that with thy fecrets and thy skill thou wouldst helpe me to purchase the favour of a Gentlewoman of good ranke whom I have loved now these five yeares , and because I am of somewhat a meaner condition then she there is no meane to make her heare me , and if it were possible to give two blowes with one stone it would be be an extreme great contentment to me , & thou shouldst binde me to thee , not only as a friend , but as a slave . Now the Moone is waxing , and the time very fit , so that I thinke there is no neede to make any more ceremonies for my mistresse than for the Captaines , and if you must have of her haire , see here are some , for it is above a yeare that I carried them about me , keeping them as reliques . And drawing a paper out of his pocket put one of her locks into my hand . I who desired no other thing but that the third of our companie should be also so besotted , that the businesse might fall out well , I was in a manner beside my selfe with contentment , which I could not hide nor dissemble without shewing some signes in my countenance of being troubled , by which he tooke occasion to aske me what it was that troubled me . To whom I answer'd , Sir , I feare that if the Captaine should know that I doe any thing for you he would be vexed with me , and I should lose this good opportunitie in which lyeth no lesse then my libertie ; this consideration is that which troubleth me , not want of desire to serve you . And who will tell it him , saith he then ? The Divell , answered I , that never sleepes , but happen what may , I am resolved to serve you , though I should lose the Captaines good-will , seeing it is the first thing that you have commanded me . As for that which concernes the Captains busines & yours , you must buy a new sacke , a small corde , and another bigge one of Hempe , foure ells long , a new knife , a chaine and a brush , and these you shall buy without making any price , that is to say , that you shall give for them whatsoever the Marchant shall aske without beating of the price : and assure your selfe , that within a seven-night , you shall enjoy your love with great liberty . Thou givest me greater content with this answer , saith the Governour of the house , than if the King had given me a pension of a thousand crownes a yeare , doe that which thou promisest , & thou shall see what I will doe for thee . And embracing me kindly he went away full of hope and joy , leaving me the most contented man of the world , seeing that if in this prison I had sought an occason which might have fallen out better for my ease , it had bin impossible for me to finde it , for as well my Captaine as the Governour of the house were so blinded besotted and fool'd , that if I should have call'd the day night they would have beleeved it . On the contrarie my heart throb'd a thousand waies , considering into what a maze I should thrust my selfe , if the businesse succeeded not , neverthelesse I made a vertue of necessitie , using that remedie which is ordinarie with these that are in any extremity , which is boldnesse and resolution . With this good courage I waited for the Thursday , which came more joyfull and fairer then the Spring , though it was slow , because of the desire they had to injoy their Mistresses , and mine to get out of the harbour by the cheating trickes that I put upon them , it seem'd to us the longest day of all the yeare . Every time the clocke struck , they despaired , fearing to misse the telling of the houres , as these do who hope for a thing that they earnestly desire ; and after this care they were in anextacie considering what they would do in the possession of their loves , as if they had alreadie verily past the night and overcome the difficulty . This doubting and hammering of theirs served me well to my purpose , that they might not perceive the gulleries that I put upon them , and the smoake that I sold them . Whereby I finde that those who paint Love blinde , have great good reason for them , because that , if they not bin so , they would have perceived all my promises to be nothing but winde , and that the meanes which I propounded to them were for no other end but to gull . them . CHAP. X. In which he proceedeth to relate his invention , begun with some discourses of Love , between the Governour of the house and this Gallie-slave . THe night being come which be a day for me , inlightning the heaven with infinite numbers of starres so bright and resplendent , that they dazeled the light of the day , and filled my soule with joy : when my honest Governour enters the Gallie , brave , Gallant and clothed with the best apparell that he had , because that amongst other directions that I had given as well to him as to his Master , the chiefe was that they should be fine & brave , as being a thing most requisite and necessarie for Magick skill ; and having saluted me with close embracements he said to me , friend , that thou maist know that I can doe what I will at the Captaines hands , and that I want not goodwill to help thee , thou shalt know that through my intreatie he gives thee leave to leave off thy chaine for this night , and it may be , for ever , that thou maist walke with greater libertie , and performe thy businesse and what is 〈…〉 though the Captaine 〈◊〉 ●ome difficultie , I dea●t so earnestly that I obtained this favour in earnest of that which I desire to do 〈…〉 . I who then was more knavish and more dissembled then foolish , fell into some suspition imagining that this liberalitie offered ere it was desired , was fained , and but only to try me , wherfore I answered him , Sir I thanke you for the care you have had of me obtaining of my Master that he will take off my chaine , a favour which I would kindly accept , if it were possible , but it is not , because I must not change the estate that I 〈◊〉 in , nor one point of that which is of my estate ; it being necessarie that he , who shall make this tryall , must make in the same estate & apparell that he is accustomed to weare : and so I may not goe but in mine owne clothes 〈◊〉 with the chaine because otherwise we shall do nothing . The Governour was not a little contented with my answer , being assured that there was in me no kinde of deceite nor malice , but the pure and simple truth , & pittying me beleeved assuredly , that there was more passion in my words then Iustice , he embraced me the second time saying , friend , God who is wont to give the salve according to the wound , hath brought thee to this Gallie , that by it thou mightst come to the knowledge of my Master , and enjoy the speciall favours which thou shouldst promise to thy selfe from his liberalitie , if the businesse fall out well . How well ? answered I him , hath the Captaine any suspition that I would deceive him ? No by the world answer'd the Governour , seeing that though thou wouldst doe it , thou couldst not : but it is the great desire that we both have to soften the hardnesse of these she-Tygers , and to turne them to our love , that makes us thinke that impossible which is easie for thee to doe , and this is usuall amongst Lovers . I never was one , ( answer'd I , and though I should be more in love then was ●arcissus , I should never purswade my selfe that day were night , that 〈…〉 , and other fantasticall imaginations , that haunt Lovers , which rather may be called follies and idle thoughts then love passions . It well appeareth that his darts have not strucke thee , saith the Governour , for if thou hadst tried them , thou wouldst not have spoken with so great freedome and so little trouble . Know friend , that Physitians ranke this disease amongst Melancholi●e passions , into which the diseased falleth , beleeving that which is not , and framing a thousand phantasies and visions which have no other ground but their perverse and corrupt imagination , which workes the same effect in Lovers , giving them an impression of jealouse , to an other of disdaine , to an other of favour , making a mountaine of nothing , all which is bred of a burning desire which they have to possesse that which they love . But to be willing to perswade this unto him who hath not tried it , is to desire to draw water with a sive , and to weight the earth , I am no Doctor , Master Governour , I answer'd him , nor yet Batcehler , because being left yong , friendlesse and poore , I lived also without knowledge , having only foure words of Latin. Neverthelesse by the use of reason well knowen of all sciences , I understood the smal reason that Lovers have to be so oft troubled upon so small occasion as they are troubled , because of necessitie their affections tend to two points , to wit , that the woman must be good or evil faithfull or disloyall . If she be good , faithfull & answerable to your affection in mutuall love , it is a great follie to be jealous over her : if she be unfaithfull and known for such a one , there needs no other counsel , but not to trust her nor love her . Whence may be cōcluded that all the accidents to which you say lovers are subject , are the overflowings of follie , and wants of wit , it being a notable extravagancie to love one that hateth , this being supposed that hatred cannot be the subject of love , nor love of hatred , seeing we ordinarily love them that bind us thereto by their love . If it went by experience , saith the Governor thou wilt lose thy cause , because usually they ●ate these that love them best , taking the fight of a dying man for the occasion of their hate , and it is a voice in them now a dayes turned in●o a nature , to shun those that follow them , and to abhorre those who adore them , as the Captaine and I have hitherto made a long and unhappy tryall . Thinke not so Master Governour , I answer'd , that you have made a good conclusion ; for if you will have the patience to ●eare me , I will make you see clearely in what your arguments faile , and know that love ceaseth not to love nor hatred to hate , there being no 〈◊〉 of nature , and he that foster'd you in this philosophy , hath fed you with 〈◊〉 milke , because that Lo●● alone not being accompanie● with other circumstances , which are to be proportio●nable and reasonable is no● all the motive of an other love . That Princesse of noble bloud should be tyed to love a Porter , that dieth for her , onely because he adoreth her . I deny your proposition , she is no wise bound to doe it , nor her well to affect him , the object that might move her not being in him . As a Prince hateth to the death a poore damsell , because she depiseth him , being unwilling to give consent to his wanton love , whence it may be gathered that neither the Porters love 〈◊〉 in any case tye the Prin●●sse wil , nor Damsels scorne ●all breed hatred in the ●rinces minde . Seeing that 〈◊〉 love is found the good , 〈◊〉 profit and pleasure which 〈◊〉 the hookes with which 〈◊〉 will is taken , then it is 〈◊〉 motive of love , and the ●ady shal not be able to hate ●im , who loveth her upon ●hese conditions , but therein ●eing unequalitie and disho●our , she may do it . You shall more clearely perceive this 〈◊〉 hatred , because when a man dieth for a Gentle-woman , & she hates him exceedingly , this hate is not that which inflames his love , but the account she makes of her honour & the feare of shame if she should consent to the pleasure of him that loveth her , which consideration makes her coole and backward and him extreamely passionate . Whence it is concluded , that the woman offendeth not in hating him that worships her , nor any man ought to hate such a woman that disdaineth him . This thy Philosophie , my friend , answered the Governour , is framed of moe words than learning , and I could refute it by plaine reasons , if time did afford 't is leasure , but the houre is already come , & the Captaine will looke for us , only I would intreate thee to be mindfull of me as a friend , making thy inchantment of equall power with the crueltie of the Gentlewoman of whom I have spoken to thee . Away with this care , Sir , answerd I , for I will doe it in such sort , that though your Mistresse were harder-hear●ed & more frozen then the Alpes , she should be turned into a Mountaine of fire , hotter then Mount Aetna of Sicile . I beleeve so , said the Governour , but I cannot chuse but wonder why thou being so cunning a fellow didst not enchant the Iudge to be in love with thee and not have condemned thee to the Gallies . If this secret were good for a man , said I , a hundred yeares a goe I had bin a Duke or a Governour of some Province , if I had not bin a Monarch . It is not good but for women , because he that first found it out , gave it this vertue only . That alone sufficeth me , saith the Governour , if with it I can soften that ad●●mant , but with the hope that thou hast given me , I hold the victorie as certaine , and I hinder my selfe that I doe not see to morrow already . With these words we came to the other side of the harbour where my kinde Captain waited for us with great impatience and unquietnesse , by whom I was very well received , & he asking me why the Governour had not taken off my chaine , as he had charged him , I answered him the same things , which I had before answered the Governour , wherewith he was exceeding wel contented . They leapt both on horse backe , & I followed them at leasure , because of the waight of my chaine , and being about a ●●ague from Marselles we ●●rived at the place appointed . They lighted down , and ●ying their horses at a tree , we with drew our selves to ●●ther to the place where our ●●yall was to be made , & taking them with some necessary ceremonies , and telling them what they should say , I ●●ade a Circle on the ground whispering I cannot tell what strange and uncouth words , and turning my selfe often , sometimes towards the East , sometimes to the West , with some ceremonies so unusuall , that they made the Captaine and his Governor of the house both of them 〈◊〉 and fearefull . At haffe an houres end after that I had gone turning about like a foole , I made the Captaine goe within it , charging him to say after me , who was so obedient and so forward to all that I would have him , that if I had then cut off his mustaches , he would have beleeved that it was needfull for the inchantment . I made him strip himselfe , teaching him to say certaine words to every parcell of his clothes which he put off , which he pronounced so exactly that he lost not one syllable , beleeving that if he had missed in one jote he should have marred all this businesse , With this ceremonie I stript him to his shirt , he never making any shew of feare no● suspition , being assured that he was safe enough by the presence of the Governour , who was much astonisht to 〈◊〉 them finish'd , it seeming to him that there should neither b● time enough nor inchant●ent sufficient for himselfe . Pitty so moved my heart that I could not take off his shirt , ●aving compassion of his in●●cencie , because it was then the coldest time of all the winter , and either through ●eare or cold , such a vehe●●● quivering and shaking ●f all his joynts tooke him , ●ith such a chattering of his 〈◊〉 , that the noise thereof 〈◊〉 Have bin heard halfe a 〈◊〉 from the place . I 〈◊〉 and encouraged him , with the shortnesse and quick 〈◊〉 of the inchantment , 〈…〉 assured possession of 〈◊〉 love , injoyning him in 〈◊〉 meane time to be silent , 〈◊〉 telling him that if he spake but one word , we should be presently in lesse then the twinkling of an eye all of us in Barbary . He then being in this plight , that is to to say , naked in his shirt , I gave him a knife in his hand , commanding him to make some stabs towards the foure quarters of the world , at every one uttering some words , & 〈◊〉 the conclusion I made him goe into the sacke . That which I then saw with mine eyes was a wonder & a miracle of God , because I alwai●● imagined , that as he was going into the sacke he should suspect something , & that 〈◊〉 mine invention should 〈…〉 nothing : but a little 〈…〉 not more obedient 〈…〉 ●●ilde than he was , 〈◊〉 that without any resistan●● or shew of mistrust , he went in , being still assured by the presence of his Governour , and the ignorance he had of his loves ; Which was good for me ; for if he had known that the Governour was to be inchāted also , he had never gone into the sacke . Finally having packed up the poore Captain , I laid him along upon the ground with his belly upwards , tying the sacks mouth with a cord that was by me , & speaking sti●● to the Governor to encourage him , and wishing him to have patience a quarter of an houre the enchantment was to last . So having left him in this ta●ing , the Governour and I went aside about a stones cas● who said to me in an exceeding great pelting chafe , I wil lay a wager that thou hast forgotten something of my businesse , for here I see neither sacke nor knife for me , as for the Captaine . Here is no need of a sacke , said I , because your Magicall experiences are made stronger or weaker , according to the greater or lesser cruelty that Gentle women have : and the Captaines being exceeding disdainfull , I have made the enchantment of a sacke for her which is the strongest of all . Oh! brother , saith the Governor , what is this that thou hast done ? mine is hard-hearted , disdainfull a Tyger and a Lyonesse : for the Captaines , though she loves him not , notwithstanding shewes him some favour , and if it goes by disdaine , we neede a hundred sackes , not one only what shall we doe ? Be quiet Master Governor , said I then seeing him afflicted , for there is a remedy for all but deaths for that which is not in one threed shall be in a hundred . I will make with the haires and the cords a hanke which shall have no lesse force then the Captaines sacke , and for as much as your Mistresse is so cruel as you say , I wil adde thereto a small matter which shall make her , that she shall never be able to take rest while she see you . It is that which I looke for , myfriend , answerd hee , let us martyr her in such sort , that my love may torment her thoughts & her memory , & performe my businesse quickly , before my Masters be ended . Speaking thus we came to the roo●e of a tree , the place at which I had told him that his inchātment should be made , and in an instant making a circle , & ●eaching him what he should doe , I made him goe into it starke naked to the skin , because I had neede of a shirt . Having him there in this fashion , I tooke his Mistresse haires , & twisting them with a cord I made a big roule , with which I tyed his hands to the stumpe of a tree , shewing him the mysterie that was hid in every ceremonie , & I would faine also have tied his feete , if I had not feared that hee should have suspected this to be rather the fact of a Robber then of a Magitian , but as his hands were enough for my purpose I would do no more . Finally having made thē 〈…〉 boūd , defended frō the sharpnes of the cold aire with the onely fire of Love , that burned in their heart , there was no body that could hinder me to give two or three knocks at the lock of my chaine with a hammer that I carried in my pocket and taking their horses and clothes I got me out of sight & , being armed like 〈◊〉 S. George I tooke 〈…〉 high way to Lions . CHAP. XI . In which the Theefe 〈◊〉 the disgrace that happen●d to him , about a 〈◊〉 of Pearle . WIth the victorie of this dāgerous journey , I tooke the high way towards the town of Lyons , joyfull to see my self free , & the owner of foure and twentie double pistolls , which I found by the hazard in my Masters pockets with which and with their clothes being brave & gallant I went into the towne , & falling in love with as many brave Dames as were there : I talked of love to all that I met with , and receiving particular favours of some , because my presence and my clothes assured them that I was a man of some great house and of good ranke . True it is that to keep them in this errour , and to hold my selfe in the good account with which I had be gun , I oftentimes visited the Merchants of greatest credit , telling them , that I lookt for some Merchandise from Venice , and promising to deale with , I made them in love with me , and they trusted my words as much as my outside and my honest looks did deserue . By which & by counterfeit noblenesse , some Gentle women tooke occasiō to be as far in love with me , as Thysbe was with Piramus , to whom I gave correspondence in the best manner , ●hough I understood that I was not so blinded with love but this colour'd goodwil , & these fained sighs tended rather for my monies then for any good quality or beauty , of mine . But as there is nothing that can resist the kinde alluremēts by which a woman maketh warre against him , whom she minded to deceive I suffered my selfe a little to ●e carried away by amorous shewes of a Gentle woman of the towne , merry , pleasant &c who entertained me best though she was none of the fairest : who making shew that she was taken with my love , in a short time emptied my poore purse , leaving me like an Image wrapt up in velvet . I pressed also to binde her by allmeanes possible answerable to her fained affection , not so much for my contentment , as for that she was provided with fine knackes , which she had bin accustomed to aske of any new lover such as are chaines , rings bracelets , & above all a chain of Pearle , so bigge , round & bright , that at the very sight of them any man of courage would desire them : This friendship at first was very hot , & had a prosperous gale of winde , but as soone as she perceived the weakenesse of my purse , she struck the sailes of her good-will , & began to looke upon me with a crosse & sowre countenance , an accident which in some sort put me in doubt , & made me distrust that I should never work my seate , which I had projected at the beginning of her loves . So before that any falling out or vexing should rise between us , relying upon the kinde offers which a little before she had made me , making me understand , that not only her goods , but also her very life shuld be sacrificed to my friendship ; I requested her to ●awn her chain or her Pearls for to contribute with her for the expences of the kitchin , assuring her that I looked for two thousand Ducats from a living which I had in my country . But as they are old and subtle in their trade so they are also in their distrust , and so she excused her selfe , saying that the Pearles and the chain were pawns of a friend of hers who was to ●ome and redeeme them the 〈◊〉 day , and that her honor should be greatly endangered if she had them not in readinesse . There needed no small 〈◊〉 to cover the annoy which that crafty answere bred me , ●or little wit to turne into jest such a plaine denyall . So without making any shew , or answering one word to that purpose , I fell a laughing most heartily over her shoulders , saying to her , that it was a device that I had framed to try her good will and to see if she would indeede confirme that which she had promist by her words , and drawing out of my pocket a counterfeit letter of Exchange , I made her reade it that she migh● see the power that was given me to take up eight hundred Ducats from a rich Marchant of Lyons , who● she knew well , where with comming to her selfe from her rugged coynesse , shee fell againe into her smiling humour , giving me a few light blowes on my cheeke , calling me distrustfull and mocker . I went away from her with a thousand embracings , making her beleeve , that I was going to receive a part of that sum , and God knowes what my heart was . But as povertie hath ever bin the mother of inventions , amongst many others which my imaginatiō afforded me , I choosed out one which was to sell my 〈◊〉 at any rate whatsoe●er , being content only to ●●ve monie to live upon ●ut three dayes , at the end ●f which I minded to have ● fling at her Pearles , and so to get mee out of the way ▪ But it happened quite contrarie to me ; I went to catch the wooll but I came backe fleec't which was the just judgement of God , and a righteous punishment of my fault . For though the Proverbe saith , He that steales from a Theefe winneth a hundred yeares of pardon : yet the theft that is done to women of this kinde , is not put upon this account . But it should be rather held for a great offence , because that for the monies they receive they sell their honor and reputation which ca● not be redeem'd withall th● treasures of the world . 〈◊〉 came to passe then , that 〈◊〉 returning in the evenin● to her house , and makin● my pockets jingle with th● money that I had receive● for my horse , she met m● with embracings , so smiling and kinde , that with her fauning and flatteries , shee made me almost beleeve , that th● refusall she had made me of her Pearles , had beene but a tryall and proofe , which she would make of my affection . Finally order was given for making supper ready , with which and the tricks that I minded to put upon her , at the comming of my money , I resolved to change her in such sort , that her first sleepe ▪ I should ●●e the commoditie to as●●lt her , and shee never to ●rceive it . But my desires 〈◊〉 not so good successe as ●hought , because that such ●omen know more then 〈◊〉 Devill , particularly she , ●ho as an old beaten bel●●me in her trade , there ●as no ambush nor deceit , which shee had not pried ●nto . So the more I urged ●er to drinke , so much the more shee proved coy and backeward . Supper ended with all the joy that I could faine , and the hope which that good occasion promist 〈◊〉 , we withdrawing our selves into her chamber , she began to untire her selfe with as much slownesse as it had beene her wedding night . But I desirous to arrive 〈◊〉 the haven of my intent●●on , to make her more car●lesse and lesse suspitious 〈◊〉 went to bed first , fain●● my selfe unable any mo●● to withstand sleepe tha● urged me so eagerly . My disgrace was such , that shee distrusting the summe , that I had bragged to have received , and taking occasion by my dogges sleepe shee would search my pockets to trie if all was gold that glister'd , and if the nuts were answerable to the noise . But finding there was so little monie that it would scarcely furnish out the next dayes expence , she began to be vexed and to have an ill opinion of me . At all this ( though snorting ) I was ●ore watchfull and more a ●nting then a Cat when 〈◊〉 watches a Mouse , spying 〈◊〉 what place she laid her ●earles , that I might fish ●●em incontinent when ●ee was fallen asleepe . She ●ay downe sad and con●ounded , thinking on the small summe of mony , that ●hee had found , and oft-times sighing . Whereof I would in no wise aske the cause , as knowing it well enough , and not desirous to let her from sleeping which I so much desired and long'd for . So a quarter of an houre after , which was the time that in my conceit , shee was past all thinking of it any further , I thought of mine owne designes , weighing well all the inconveniencies whic● might fall out , among●● which I considered the suspition , conceived by her to be most difficult , it seeming to me that she would not sleepe but by halfes , and that seeing the least appearance of that shee imagined , shee would raise the house with her cryes , and put all the neighbours in armes . But amongst many inventions , there came a subtle one in my minde , and most fit for the purpose to this fact , which was , not to hide the Pearles in any part of my clothes , but to swallow them one and one , being assured that having past them through my body they would come forth more cleere and bright then 〈◊〉 before , and that in this ●anner though all came to 〈◊〉 worst , the Iustice would 〈◊〉 mee free not finding 〈◊〉 Pearles about mee . This thought , in my opi●ion seemed admirable good , and thinking that she was asleepe , seeing shee ●●ghed no more , nor shewed ●ny more her unquietnesse . I rose as softly , as was possible , going barefooted and at leasure to the place , where she had left her Pearles , and having found them , I began to swallow them one after another , though with some difficultie , I being narrow throated , and they very big . My ill lucke was that while I was , about to swallow the last , it stucke in my weazand so unhappily , that it could neither goe forewar● nor backeward , I was forced to cough with som● violence , and to awake h●● with my coughing , shee cal●● upon me with teares and ●●stonisht , and I dissemblin● the best I could the hinderance of my weazand , answered her that I was seeking for the Chamber-pot wit● which shee was well apai● for a while , though not satisfied with my answer , it seeming a thing unlikely to looke on the cupboord for the Chamber-pot , which was usually set under the bed , wherefore casting with her selfe the meanes to satisfie her suspition , without making any shew of distrust , shee counterfeited an exceeding fore paine in her bellie ●●ring great cries , and cal●●g to her two maides that ●re in the house for light , ●●d some warme clothes : ●●ee held in her dissembled ●●ine for the space of halfe 〈◊〉 houre , supposing that ●ould be enough to take ●●om me the suspition of her ●unning slights . About the ●●d of which , shee riseth 〈◊〉 bed like lightning , and looking round about the ●●me with a lighted candle and where shee had left her Pearles , and no finding them , without speaking ever a word , or asking any other ●eason then what her imagination perswaded her , she begunne to beate her face with her fists , that incontinent shee fill'd her mouth with bloud , uttering after that loud and shrill cry●● that in lesse then a quarter of an houre , above two hundred people were assembled , and amongst them the Iustice , who breaking open the doores of the house , came up furiously , finding me in my shirt , and her in her night attyre , with her haire about her eares and her face scratcht , calling to me for her Pearles most furiously . The Iudge commands that every one should hold their peace , that hee might be inform'd of the fact , and take the deposition of us both , and hee having begunne with me , I gave him content with very humble words , so that neither his threatnings nor intreaties could draw any other answere from me . Neverthelesse the Iudge seeing the womans vehement complaints and bitter teares charged that my clothes should be search't which was executed with such care and diligence , that hardly a moate of the Sunne could have beene hid in them , and they not finding there the Pearles all of them with one accord judged mee to be innocent , and condemned her as subtle , shamelesse , and dissembled . She seeing then that they all spake against her , and misregarded her complaints , cast her selfe downe at the Iudges feete , tearing her haire , and rending her clothes , and uttering such strong cryes , that the Iudge knew not what to thinke , nor what resolution to take , and consulting of the matter with those he brought with him , he resolved , that it having beene verified that she had the Pearles when she went to bed , they should be searched for , in all the most secret corners of the Chamber , they not being found , they should send for an Apothecary , that should give me a potion mingled strongly with Scammonie , to the end that if I had swallowed them , I might cast cast them up againe . The Iudges sentence was put in execution , and having done their diligence proposed about the Chamber , and not finding the Pearls , they were forced to come to the last remedy , which was the Physicke , they which forced me to take in full health without the Physitians appointment , and against my wil , & though I did all that was possible for me to vomite them , there was no meane to make me doe it , so a vehement strife being awakened in my guts I was compelled to give way to the Pearles , and to tarry my selfe in prison , enjoying the favours which these Gentlemen Iustices are wont to bestow upon those that fall into their hands . CHAP. XII . In which the Thiefe relateth the last disgrace that befell him . IT was about sixe a clocke at night , when my Andrew made an end of telling me his disaster about the Pearles , and I desiring to know the last that kept him then in prison , I intreated him to tell mee it from point to point , without missing any thing remarkeable : wherein hee being willing to give me content hee answered joyfully in this manner . If God would have pleased that this should be my last disgrace , and if it had beene as soone ended as I shall end the discourse thereof I should have thought my selfe happie ; but I dare not trust to my hard lucke , because that it being accustomed to persecute me , I do not beleeve that it will ever cease to use mee unkindly with new torments . Know then that the Iustice of Lyons having condemned me in two hundred lashes of the whip , through the streets accustomed , for such malefactours , and marking me with the towne marke , they banisht me the towne with shame enough , allowing me but three daies only to dispatch my businesse and goe into banishment : during which dayes I thought upon a thousand fantasticall discourses , bethinking my selfe , how I might repaire the povertie that had overtaken me after so great abundance . And after I had bethought my selfe of a thousand plots , never a one of which pleased me , the Divell put one in my head , which was the trouble that I now am in . I bethought my selfe that the same day that I was whip● , 〈◊〉 famous Theefe came after me , whom the Iudge had condemned to the same paine , a young man of good disposition , and of a vigorous courage , wittie , and one of the cunningest Theeves that in all my life I had dealt withall , but unhappie as well as my selfe . I acquainted my selfe with him to trie , i● betweene two wretched Caitives we could finde some comfort in so great a mishap , and communicating one with tho'other our intent and thoughts , we resolved to make a journey together to Paris . But before wee were fully resolved of all things fitting for the voyage , we had a consultation about our povertie , and infamie , descanting upon the meanes which we might make in so great mishap , and thinking it was not safe for us to embarke our selves in so great a citie as Paris , not having meanes to live on there , and by which to busie our selves , at least while wee were knowne . And after that he had given me the hearing a long while , and heedefully heard all the reasons and designes which I propounded , he said , Master Lucas ( for that was the name which I had at Lions ) the inventions that you shew me are good and worthy of such a spirit as yours : but they bee hard and difficult questions . Wherefore leaving them for another occasion , I will tell you one , which if it fal out well , it may well be that we shall get out of this miserie . This is that we may use diligence to finde in this Citie of Lions some Marchant that hath trade and correspondence at Paris , from whom wee may get a letter directed to his friend , and having found him , you shal tell him secretly , that you will make up some packes of Marchandise in this towne to be transported to Flanders with some mony , and leave all at Paris in the hands of some sure man , that it might be kept safe , while you go to Antwerp , where you shall make as if you have a Cozen germane , to trie the price , and how your Marchandise may be past off ; and that having never beene at Paris , nor made any acquaintance to whom you might recommend your packes , you shall intreate him to write to some Merchant of his friends , that hee may keepe them for you . For so much , I suppose , hee will not refuse you , and if he agreeth to it , let me alone . You shall see how I will rule my hands ? If that be all that hinders you , said I , I will finde them that shall give me a thousand letters , and not one only though I am now disgraced , and with infamie yet bleeding , I would have you to know , that there was moe than foure that will doe somewhat for me , and that this is true you shall see by and by . With these words I went from him , and going to a Marchants house of my acquaintance , asking of him a letter , after the forme that my camerade had told me , with which I ●eturned exceeding content , and putting it into his hand , he kissed it a thousand times , praising my diligence and credit , and so at last we came to Paris with it , where wee being retired to a Chamber of the suburbs , we made two Packes , with some pieces of coorse canvasse , the rest full of sundry things , such as old shooes , old clothes , ragges , and such other wares , and my Camerade put himselfe in the third , wherein I packt him up so neately and handsomly , that neither his Packe nor the other two seemed to be nothing else but camlots or Fustians . Our Packes being made up , I went to give the letter to the Marchant to whom it was directed , who received it most gladly offering me all his house . After this wee agreed that I should send the Packes at eight a clocke at night , to save the custome other dues to be paid by the Marchants , amongst which entred that of my companion , if not full of camlots , yet at least of cords , ladder , hooke , file , lantern , knife and other militarie tooles , with which to make war for necessitie , and robbe the Marchants mony . He then being entred and all in the house asleepe , because it was past eleven a clocke he slit the canvasse with a knife , and comming out hee search't all the corners of the house , throwing out at the windowes some apparell and silke gownes with that seemed to him to be of the least , which I gathering up in the streete with great diligence , the Divell would have it , that the watch in the meane while came by , with so great silence and dissimulation , that they gave me no leasure to hide our bootie , which I was gathering up , nor to betake my selfe to the flight . And as there was no great neede of questioning mee for to know my cops-mates , sith these wares could not fall from heaven , they perceived that my Camerade was above , whom , after they led mee to the prison , they imprisoned also for the same crime . He went out a fort night agoe , being condemned to the Gallies for ten yeares , and I feare not much lesse , if the mercie and bountie of the Iudges have not some pitie of me . CHAP. XIII . Of the Statutes and Lawes of Theeves . BY the discourse which I have made of my Historie , saith honest Andrew , I have noted that you did not like well that I called our Company a Common-weale , it seeming to you that wee are governed only by the desire wee have to steale , without any other law or reason , which is clean contrary , seeing that amongst us is done nothing which is not ruled by reason laws , statuts & ordināces , punishing those that otherwise exercise our arte . We have in the first place a captain & Superiour , all sorts of whom theevsobey , & he disposeth of their thefts w ch they shold act , nāing these whoseeme to him the fittest for the purpose , and choosing the cūningest & wisest of the cōpany for the most difficult & dangerous thefts . And in this there is so good order kept , that there is no man amōgst us that forgetteth one only point of his duty , nor that passeth the bounds of his commission undertaking that w ch is in another mans charge nor medling with greater matters than his capacity can cōpasse . And know this that it is the most essētiall point of our cōmon wealth , by the disorders wherof all others are undone This captain examineth him that cōmeth newly unto the company giving him three months of novice ship , to try his courage , inclinatiō & ability , in w ch time , he propoundeth to him some witty questions as be these ; to hang up some little thing without ladder , pole or line ; to steale a mans horse as he is riding on him upō the way ; To snatch a way a Courtiers band amōgst a hundred people , & many other things of this kinde . And having known his inclinatiō & capacity , he givs him the office of a robber , of a Grumet , of a Cut-purse , or any other wherof he is found to be most capable . You will not deny but that this manner of proceeding is a great state point , just reasonable , & so necessary for the Common wealth , that because it hath not bin practised , so great disorders are seene every where in it , seeing violence can promise no other good end . I will tel you that estates and offices should be given to every one , according to his natural inclination , without enforcing or tying him by any respect to another thing than to that which it desireth , not following that which troubleth , to wit , unquietnesse and mishap . For I held it impossible , that shee whom her parents shall put in a Cloister against her will , for want of monie to marrie her , can live in peace and contentment . As also he wil never proue a better husband● who for the only pleasure of his parents , and against his minde is tyed in marriage , and so of other employments . We have a notable example of this good order in the Lacedemonians state , a curious people , civill and wise , who suffered their children to grow up in libertie , without putting them upon any employment , nor to store up their appetite to any other estate , than to that to which their minde prompted them , and when they came to age and discretion they might choose of themselves the meane to live by most proper and most befitting their naturall inclination , and thence it proceeded that all their actions were so wel ordered and so per●it . After this manner our Cōmon wealth is governed , & with this la●● our captain ruleth the capacity of those , who come newly● unto him , be●●owing on hi●● the office & maner of stealin●● according to the dispositio●● that hee hath taken notice o● in him in the months of his novice-ship . This Captaine is an old man , wise , well experienced & finally exempted from the trade , as being one who●● force and nimblenesse having failed for the practize , he exerciseth the Theorie with us teaching us the method and precepts of stealing . To which end he makes 〈◊〉 meete together once a week●● in a certaine place appointe● for the purpose , where h●● bindeth us to give a strict a●●count of all the thefts and accidents that have happened ●●erein , reproving sharply those who are negli●ent and prove vnprofitable , praysing the vigilant and ●●btle . This is done ordinarily on Saturday night , on which day he appointeth all that must be done the weeke following , sharing out to every one the places that he shold keep in , & the thefts in which he shuld be emploied , taking of thē all a strict oath of faithfulnesse , & punishing the offenders , the first time abridging him of that part of the theft which belongeth to him , the secōd depriving him of the place of sixe moneths , and if he be incorrigible and stubborne , he puts him into the hands of the Marshall . If hee falls in a fault by negligence & carelesnesse , 〈◊〉 it may be by comming to 〈◊〉 to his place , to go elsewhere , or let slip some occasion i●● not laying hold of it , he is deprived of a weekes benefit , 〈◊〉 taking from him the office of a Theefe , he puts him in the office of a Spie , or of a watch-man , for the time that our Councell shall appoint . Of all thefts in the first place is allotted the fifth par● to him , that spares the whi●● to us , banishment , the Gallies , the Gallowes , and that which remaineth of the tenths for pious uses , which are , to succour the sicke and needie of our companie , to● release prisoners , and to eas●● the disgraces of those th●● have no monie . We receive no women in ●●e companie , unlesse it be in ●se of great necessitie , and when it cannot be other●ise , because by nature they ●●nnot keepe secrets , & they being unable to eschew this inconvenience we are bound upon great paines not to reveale unto them , how , from whom , and when wee have stollen . ●He that commits the theft hath equall share with the Captaine for paines & danger that hee hath put himselfe in , his complices have the third part , and the Spies the fift . As for the honour and respect which is due to every one , there is such an order kept , that no wrong is done to any one of the companie , every Officer having hi● ranke and place appointed i● all our meetings , assemblies and consultations . For the first are the Robbers , next the Stafadours , then the Grumets , after these the Ho●bgoblins , then follow the wooll-drawers , the Mallets follow them , and last the Apostles , Cigarets , Cut-purses , and Caterers . Over all these a kinde of Theeves bearesway , called among us Liberalls , whose office is to undertake some strange points , as to blacke their faces with inke o●kennell durt , to hang Garlands of hornes at mens doores , libells or such like , and these are the wittyest of all the company , and those who as it were indued with the best wit and invention , weigh and foreseeing all the difficulties that can happen in a dangerous case . None of the companie may make any quarrell , noise or contentiō with another , about any matter whatsoever , unlesse it be fained or subtle , to avoide any suspition , that may be offered . We may not eate twice two of us together in one and the same Tavern or vi●ailling house , except it be once in the fev'night , to th' end that if any thing come in the way to be stollen there we may breede no suspition among●● them that should ●e●us there . We are forbidden also 〈◊〉 go together through the city 〈…〉 another ; unlesse it be to fall a quarrelling , & to make some false blowe at one another , to draw people together , that upon the occasion of our quarrell the Cutpurses may make up their hand . Every professor of the companie carrieth his badge and secret marke , by which he is in an instant known of us all , understanding by this order , how many there are of an office in every streete & part of the town . So the Robbers be are alwaies a glove handing and made fast by one finger . The wooll drawers button their doublet by intercession 〈◊〉 is to say , they but ●on one ▪ and misse the next . The 〈…〉 their finger into one of their no strils . The Cut-purses have a little white marke in their hat-bands . The Mal●etes beare their cloake after a certaine fashion , and finally every particular office hath its particular token by which it is known among the company . When any woman of the companie is married every profession gives her five Crowns to augment her portion , keeping neverthelesse such an order , that she may not be married but to one of her owne trade ; that is to say , the Daughter of a Robber with a man of the same vocation or calling . And if by chance some Cut-purse should marrie his Daughter with a Robber , Staffador or Grumet , hee is bound to give him a hundred crowns in portion more then ordinarie , because his sonne of Law is of greater and higher Office then the father is . We make a vow of patience and suffering , promising to be couragious and constant against torture , though we be seldome put to it , because ( as I have told you ) all that is salv'd with the fifth part . And to the end that all the places of the towne may be sufficiently provided , it is enacted that every professour that shall come newly to a place , should put there some marke , shewing thereby the number of Theeves which are in that part : so the first that commeth layth a die in some secret corner , and yet well known to those of the companie , with the A●e turned upwards ; The second that commeth , turneth the die to the deuse point , the third to the trey , the fourth to the quarter , and so the others to the ●ise , and being come to that number , the same Office stayeth in the same place , because that according to our lawes we cannot be above six in one and the same place : and when any one goeth away he turnes the die upon the number of theeves that remaine , in such sort , that they being six , the first that goeth away turnes the Die to the cinque poin● the second to the quarter the third to the trey , b● which number he that i● behinde of the Theeves i● knowne . We are bound to nourish● and sustaine all the creeples , blinde , sick , and those whom their extreame old age excuseth from stealing . None of us may weare cloake , hat , breeches , doublet nor any thing else that was stollen , nor sell gold , silver or jewells in that towne where they were stollen , under paine of a great and exemplarie punishment . Wee are commanded to carry alwayes a false bea●d in our pocket , with plaisters of sundry sorts , to disguise us in an instant when occasion shall require , As concerning Religion we are halfe Christians , because that of the two principall commandments of God● Law we keep one , which is to love God , but in no case our neighbour because we take from him that he hath . Next we receive and allow of the two parts of confession ( because now and then we confess ) and contrition , but of the third , which is satisfaction or restitution we not so much as make mention or Talk. FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A01433-e680 The Author would not haue beene so vehement , had he been in one of our English prisons , which for the most part are made rather places of ease and delight then punishment . Spanish apparitors what sort of people . These theevis● words of the trade are afterward made cleare . To be whipt at the Carts taile . Burnd on the shoulders . See Cap. 7. p. 54. See Cap 7. Cap. 7. ibids 〈◊〉 
A03402	----	Histoire des larrons, or The history of theeves. Written in French, and translated out of the originall, by Paul Godwin Histoire generale des larrons. English Calvi, François de. 1638 Approx. 227 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 165 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A03402 STC 13523 ESTC S104108 99839847 99839847 4304 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A03402) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 4304) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 962:11) Histoire des larrons, or The history of theeves. Written in French, and translated out of the originall, by Paul Godwin Histoire generale des larrons. English Calvi, François de. Godwin, Paul, fl. 1638. [16], 315, [1] p. Printed by Iohn Raworth, and are to be sold by Thomas Slater, at the signe of the Swan in Duck-lane, London : 1638. A translation of: Calvi, François de. Histoire generale des larrons. With a preliminary imprimatur leaf. Running title reads: The history of theeves. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Thieves -- Early works to 1800. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-12 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-01 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2004-01 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Histoire Des Larrons , OR THE HISTORY OF THEEVES . Written in French , and Translated out of the Originall , By PAUL GODWIN . LONDON , Printed by Iohn Raworth , and are to be sold by Thomas Slater , at the signe of the Swan in Duck-lane , 1638. The Preface to the Reader . ALthough that Licurgus the Law-maker of the Lacedemoniās was a great States-man , and obtained an immortall glorie by the Lawes and Statutes which he left unto the Spartans . Yet I finde that he was very faulty in pemitting his Citizens to live in continuall robberie ; for what was this , but to nourish the fire of dissention , by which hee might have set on fire his new erected Common-wealth ; and indeed there needed the courage of Theseus , and the strength of Hercules to purge a kingdome infected with the swarme of such people , for it is a poison which ( as saith the Poet ) Latius & latius vires acquirit eundo . It is like unto rivers , which ( the farther they runne from their fountaine ) the more they swell and inlarge themselves . But before I represent unto you the divers stratagems which these Rake hells usually put in practise to gain their living ; I wil first shew you their originall , it being no new thing since men began to be wicked : and surely this vice must be very old , since the heathen gods sometimes exercised the same trade : For Lucian ( in his Dialogue of Apollo ) and Vulcan ) relates that Mercurie was one of the subtillest theeves that ever lived , for hee was scarce out of his shell , when hee stole away the tooles of Vulcan , he made what ever he found in his way his owne : and one day having overcome Cupid at the Lute , as Venus came to imbrace him , and congratulate his victorie , he slilie stole from her that admirable girdle whereof Homer maketh such esteeme : another time , he by the sweetnesse of his musick so charmed Apollo , whiles hee kept the Kine of Admetus , that he fell asleep , and in the mean time stole away his herd , ( wherein you may note how blinde the ancients were in their belief , to worship a cow-herd and a theef for gods ) nay ever Jupiter could not keep himself from the flights of this theef , for he stole from him his Scepter , and would no doubt , have carried away his Thunderbolt had it not been too hot : Wherefore Homer in the Hymne which hee made in his praise , calls him ( Arcon Philyteon ) the Prince of Theeves ; and indeed it is a thing very remarkable , that there is no vice which hath not been authorised by gods , to the end that the Ancients might not be scrupelous in imitating their actions , which was the devils policie to draw men to be his followers , by introducing ( by the means of false Gods ) vice in stead of vertue , and most commonly making use of things accounted sacred , to make his poison to bee swallowed the more easilie ; for who would not have stole his neighbours goods , since god Mercurie himself was of the trade , or who was there among them , who esteemed it not an honour to follow the steps of so brave a Champion ? — cui fas per limen utrumque Solus habet geminoque facit commercia mundo ? as saith Claudian , like Master , like servant ; such a Prince , such a subject ; If the Gods in times past were Theeves , it must needs bee that their worshippers must follow their example : and wee have seene the effects thereof ; for during the space of foure or five thousand yeeres , since that Nimrod by an insupportable arrogancie placed the first stone in the tower of Babel , the world hath been full of nothing but confusion , murder , and theft . The Assyrians spoiled and ransacked all their neighbour countreys , to lay the foundation of their Monarchie ; but it proved no other then the preparation of a Trophee for the Medes , who invading them , spoiled them of all that which they had ransaked from others : The Medes injoyed for a time their spoiles , but they were soone stript by the Persians , thus one nation robbed another , untill that the Romans became Masters of the whole . And what happened at lèngth , even after revolutions of ages , this great Collossus ( whose shadow strook a feare into the inhabitants of the remotest Regions ) was dismembred by peece-meale and at length remained as naked as Esops bird , and it was according to reason , that the end should bee correspondent to the beginning ; for seeing this famous Republique had not its originall and increase , but by theeveries , rapes ▪ and massacres under Romulus and others ; there was no other likelihood but that it would return to its first originall . But yet I finde some mention of theeves before all these , for the Egyptians were the first after the deluge that began to rob , a custome which hath been so long continued by this Nation , that they are yet seen to run by troopes from kingdome to kingdom ▪ to tell fooles their fortunes , & were it not that men looke more unto their hands then their feet , they would make a horrible havock in villages and solitary houses . The barbarous Scythes , by the report of Herodottus , were also very subject to this wicked vice . for they thought all goods to bee common , both to men , and other living creatures , but especially food , for they made it no scruple to intrude themselves into any mans house , where they might find meat wherewith to satisfie their hungry appetites . But the Lydians were yet much more rude , for they held it for an infallible Maxime , that it was not fit that a man should depart from any place without furnishing , himself with something ; and it may well be said , that there there are two many Collonies of this race planted among us , for it is too apparent , that the one half of the world robs the other ; the greater theeves robbing the lesse : For this is so miserable an age , that the great ones rejoice at the tottering of the lesse ; and many are seene standing under the Gallowes to be as spectatours of the execution of others , who have more often deserved death then they have committed thefts : and though I might here take occasion to speake much of the great theeves in the Commonwealth , yet considering , that Quae supra nos nihil ad nos , I will forbeare , and come unto the lesse , with sorrow that I must leave one of the Principall parts of this Historie untouched : or , know therefore , courteous Reader , that for thy good I have set forth this various , and pleasant Historie , which will shew thee , how thou mayest avoid many dangers , and how others more wickedly inclined , may ( by the punishments which these reap as just rewards for their evill courses ) be led from the precipice of perdition , into the safe way of vertue and honestie . A Table of the Chapters contained in this Booke . Chap. 1. AN Inn-keeper cheated . pag. 1. Chap. 2. A notable trick put upon a Physitian . p. 12. Chap. 3. A Tragi-Comedy acted by two Theeves . p. 18. Chap. 4. A Cheaters selfe invitation . p. 28. Chap. 5. The notable Impudence of Amertis . p. 36. Chap. 6. A Merchant cheated by a pretended Churchwarden . p. 45. Chap. 7. Polidamors entertainement among Theeves . p. 53. Chap. 8. A prodigious History of the Treacheries of Valesio . p. 67. Chap. 9. A young Cutpurse made free . p. 91. Chap. 10. The life and death of little - Iames. p. 99. Chap. 11. The story of Pallioly , and his Choak-peare . p. 123. Chap. 12. The wicked servant . p. 1●5 . Chap. 13. The dangerous adventures and miraculous escapes of Colyrias . p. 161. Chap. 14. One often cheated . p. 173. Chap. 15. A strange Robbery of a Merchants shop . p. 183. Chap. 16. The cunning escape of a Cheater oot of Prison . p. 188. Chap. 17. A Theefe caught in a Trap. p. 193. Chap. 18. The story of Amboise la Forge , a notable Cut-purse . p. 201. Chap. 19. A Relation of the notable cheats performed by one Mutio. p. 221. Chap. 20. A facetious Relation , how one Maillard cheated a Goldsmith of a rich piece of Plate . p. 238. Chapt. 21. The multiplicity of Theeves . p. 263. Chap. 22. A facetious Relation of a Parisian Theef , condemned to the Gallies at Marseilles . 269. Chap. 23. The gratefull Theef . p. 294 THE HISTORY OF THEEVES . CHAP. I. Of an Inne-keeper Cheated . DEspaire often constraineth us to imbrace Actions which we would reject , as pernitious to our soules health , if Passion blinded not our Senses ; but we are for the most part so wedded to our owne perverse wills , that we wil not vouchsafe to deliberate with reason , but rashly doe whatsoever is presented unto us by our vaine imaginations . This is the cause that man cannot so easily see what he is , nor whence he draweth his Originall . At that time when as Peace began to flowrish in this Kingdome , and that the fury of a long warre was appeased . It happened that five or sixe cashiered Souldiers , not knowing what shifts to make , departed out of Paris , resolving among themselvs , that sithence unconstant Fortune seemed to deny them sufficient Commodities for their sustenance , they would use their greatest cunning and utmost endeavor to procure it . These people that before had plenty of all things , could not now brook a scarcity , and therefore resolved to make a correspondency to their former fortunes , though by any indirect meanes , neither were they long to seek : For as it often comes to passe , that when men perceive themselvs sinking into the deepest misery , even then they finde out a meanes of reliefe . : So now Necessity dictates unto these cheating fellows , an invention by which they for a time shift off these hungry wants which were now ready to oppresse them . They in their way chanced to meet with a youth about the age of tenne or twelue yeeres , who had been sent from about twelue Leagves distant from thence with a Letter to one in Paris , whom they staying , one among the rest ( intending to practise his wit and to recreate both himselfe and companions by an invention ( adviseth them to cloathe him after the best manner they could possibly , and telleth them , that as for the rest , he doubted not but that he should so well act his part , that they should all fare the better for his enterprize . They all follow his direction , and at length by their joynt endeavours , they so well apparell him that one would have taken him for some young Lord , although there was a kinde of constraint in his behaviour , and that by his actions he sometimes shewed of what stocke he was . The tree is knowne by the fruit , and the leafe partly manifests the kinde and the quality of the stalke . For Generosity appeareth as well by the outward behaviour , as it doth by Vertue which is the inward ornament , and whosoever will cloathe a Rustick in the habite of a Gentleman , shall notwithstanding finde in him the effects of his rude breeding and incivility . This youth being thus revested , hatched conceits which lifted him up even unto the clouds , he already thought himselfe one of the great Lords of France ; yet for all his high conceits , they become his Lawgiver ; and after mountaines of golden promises , they command him upon paine of death , not to speake to any one upon any occasion whatsoever more then these two words Etiam and Maxime . Having thus grounded their intended deceit , they went to take up their lodgings in one of the best Inns about Paris , where being arrived , they fained themselves to be of the house of the extraordinary Ambassadour of Holland , and told the Host , that without faile , within foure or five dayes the said Ambassadour would passe that way ; and for an assured testimony of what they spake , they shewed unto him the young Gentlemen , saying , that he was Nephew unto the Ambassadour : The Master of the house ( who deeply considered not what they spake ) beleeving them , entertained them very sumptuously with whatsover they demanded : and the notice he tooke during their abode in his house , that all of them in generall were ( submissively ) respective unto their young Master . ( whom they blazed to be the Ambassadours Minion ) made him and the rest of the Inne verely beleeve , that the reverence which they shewed unto this youth was unfained , and what they spake was undoubtedly true . Five dayes were now past wherein there was no newes of the Ambassador , but what they themselves made in the house in the midst of their Jollities and Banquets . The Host knew not what to think of it , but not being able to sound the depth of their mysteries , he causeth his doubt to reflect upon the reverence which he saw was yeelded unto this new made Gentleman ; this withholdeth him from any outward shew of suspition , and feedes him with the hope of the future comming of the Ambassadour . At length eight dayes being pleasantly slipped away , and no Ambassadour appearing , our Vagabond Souldiers begin to dreame that it was now time for them to take the ayre . And to finish their well projected Enterprise , one of them sendeth forth his Masters Lackey in fight of the Host , to give notice when the Ambassadour approached , ( but he kept not his promise in comming , for he was not yet parted from his house ( and had before privately commanded him to returne by three of the clocke the next morning , to give them notice that their Master was drawing neere unto the City . This Gullery was well practised , the Lackey failed not to come at the appointed houre , and knocking at the Gate , delivered unto them the welcome newes of their masters approach : Whereupon they all start up with speed , and having commanded that their horses should be prepared , the Master of the Inne ariseth , calleth up his servants , and all of them confidently settle themselvs in expectation of the Ambassadour : when their horses were ready , one of them came boldly unto the Host , and told him , that they must of necessity goe meet their Master , that he must prepare a breakfast against their returne , which would be within two or three houres at furthest , and in the meane time they would leave their yong Master with him : so they all parted and forraged the Countrey , having merrily recreated themselves at the expence of their Host. In the meane time they prepare all the Lodgings for the Ambassador ; but noone being already past , and hee not appearing , the Host begins to perceive the deceit ; He therefore ascends up into the Chamber , but was much amazed when he saw there no other then a Countrey Clowne in an old Hurden suite ; the Host straitly examineth him , and demands who he is , who those were that came to lodge in his Inne ? to which he answereth not a word , and hardly could he draw from him , more then these two words , Etiam and Maxime : the Host notwithstanding who had been at extraordinary cost in entertaining them , could not be satisfied with Latine , he takes therefore my young Clowne , and with the smarting blowes of good rods teacheth him French ; thus passed their deceit , their well acted Comedy , thus ending in a Tragedy . CHAP. II. A notable trick put upon a Physician . THere lived in the famous City of Paris , a wise and renowned Physician named Alcander , who had shewed himselfe fortunately expert in divers Cures , where it seem'd that humane Art had not sufficient force to give a remedy ; the fame whereof made him then much sought after . Now , to enter into the course of our History , you must understand , that as this Physician went to visite the sicke in divers parts of the City , one of the most notable and boldest Theeves which were then in Paris , conceived that he should make a very good booty if he could entrap him , for he was reputed a very rich and wealthy man , by reason of his continuall practise : this Conceit breed a Resolution and this Resolution brought forth its effect ; for on a Saturday about nine a clock at night , as the said Alcander went to receive severall sums of money from divers houses where he had finished particular Cures ; this fellow who could not have chosen out a fitter opportunity , nor a more favourable houre for his designe , nor yet a more subtill device to overreach Alcander , being confident that he had then good store of Monies about him , and that he could not escape him ; Having long attended his returne in a little bye street , and at length perceiving him afarre off , comes unto him in great haste , and with a fained voyce saith unto him , Sir ▪ it is long since I have been so happy as to see you , yet I live not farre hence , and now your experience which I have still admired , hath caused me to importune you to visite my wife , who for this ten or twelve dayes hath had such a Flux of her belly , that she cannot finde any meanes to stop it , the longer it continueth the more it increaseth ; I have therefore made bold to come unto you ; I came even now from your house , where I stayed expecting you for at least an houre ; I humbly intreat you Sir , to doe me so much favour as to come with me : The seeming sincerity of his words , would have drawne on the most distrustfull of the world to have beleeved them : Alcand●● Who was accustomed to be induced more by gaine then faire words , affoorded him this friendly and comfortable answere ; Sir , God forbid that I should refuse to doe my endeavour in that little skill which I have in the knowledge and practise of Physicke ; If I can effect any thing for the good of the Gentlewoman your wife , I will attend you thither with as good a will as my charge requireth . Upon these complements this notable Wag brings him from streete to street into his lodging , where having shut the doore , he takes in the one hand a Pistoll , and in the other hand a great purse , and turning himselfe furiously towards the Physician , Behold here ( saith he ) my wife which hath for a long time been tormented with the Flux in her belly , it is you that must finde out a meanes to cure the disease , otherwise I my selfe am resolved to seek a remedy with this Pistoll . The Physician trembling , and much dismayed , to see himselfe so suddenly surprised in this sort , would have cryed out , but the other holding the Pistoll to his breast , so terrified him , that he was constrained to forsake his owne Purse , therewith to cure that which had the Flux . This part of the Tragedy being thus acted , the Theefe would shew to Alcander , that he was not yet altogether voyd of courtesie , in restoring 〈◊〉 him some part of his monies , and promised him to conduct him to his lodging , holding still his Pistoll in his hand , lest he should have made an outcry : being come unto the house of Alcander , the Theefe knocks at the doore , and taking his farewell of his Benefactor , told him , that he now onely feared raine , and that he must needs lend him his Cloake , and fled : Alcander could never be otherwise paid for his Cure ; for on the morrow this Rascall had changed both his Host and lodging . CHAP. III. A Tragi-Comedy acted by two 〈◊〉 . VVEe having already seen how fertile man is in wicked inventions , especially when an idle leasure in such sort sophisticateth the understanding , that he remaineth as it were buried in an accustomed sluggishnesse . We may yet more amply see it described in this ensuing discourse , where we shall behold , and as in a Table , see described the different Plots and Stratagems by which these men have sought to maintaine themselves by an irreligious course of life , to the hurt of others , and their owne finall destruction . About the end of IVLY 1611. when as the Court was not much troubled with rumours of Warrs ; Theeves were much spoken of at Paris , among others , there were two who conceived they might shew a trick of activity to a young Mercer newly married , which they put in practise after this manner . They both long since knew , that most commonly there was but one boy in the shop ; so that watching a time when the Master was out of the way , one of them went unto a Chyrurgion dwelling in the street , called 〈◊〉 , whom he calling aside , desired that when he brought unto him a youth of such and such a complexion ( describing unto him , the age , visage , and stature of the Mercers boy ) he would be pleased to conduct him into his Chamber , for that he had a secret infirmity to acquaint him with , and that although he perhaps would at first bee bashfull and unwilling to declare unto him his griefe , yet his parents would have him constrained to undergoe the Cure. The Chyrurgion ( who doubted not but that what he spake was true , his words being delivered with such a naturall livelinesse ( promised him not to neglect what he propounded , but that he would so deale in the busines that he should have cause to rest satisfied ; and would not onely draw the boy to confesse his infirmity , but would undertake perfectly to cure him : whereupon this crafty Knave ( joyfull of this invention , which promised unto him good successe ) came unto his Comrade , and told him of that which he had so well performed : consulting together how they should draw the boy who kept the hope to the said Chyrurgion , which they having contrived , he who had begun the Plot , came into the shop , and asked to see some wares ; but by ill fortune , as the boy opened them , the Mistris of the house came also , which made him doubt that hee should not finish his well projected enterprise ; hee could then willingly have wished himselfe further off , and that he had not enter'd , since , as the case stood , nothing promised him a good issue in his affaires : Neverthelesse , to forsake a thing so well forwarded , argued Cowardise , hee therefore at length resolved to try his fortune . He causeth to be brought unto him all sorts of the best Stuffes , and bargained for a whole piece of that he best liked , saying , that his Master a very rich Chyrurgion ( whose name he telleth , and the streete wherein he resided ) sent him to make choise of a piece ; He therefore desired the Mistris to permit the boy to bring the Stuffe away with him unto his Master , and that then he should receive the moneyes according to agreement : This young woman little doubting that her new Chapman would have deceived her ) commands the boy to follow the Gentleman with the Stuffe , and remember , said she , to bring money for it , upon these words they departed , and had no sooner turned their backes but this fellowes Companion meeteth them as it were by chance ; and the better to act their parts , he demandes of his Comrade whence he came ? he answered , from his Master , and that he was sent to let one blood , but have you , said he , done that which my Master commanded you ? have you bought the Stuffes ? The boy who heard all these words , verely beleeved what they spake to be true . Our two Vagabonds being parted one from the other , he who conducted the Mercers boy , tooke occasion to tell him that the other was his companion , and so wrought , that he made him more and more confidently beleeve what he said ; now as for the businesse in hand , when you come to my Master , said he , you may leave your Stuffe below in the shop , and may ascend with him into the chamber , where he will pay you your money , perhaps he will seeke to abate of the price , but for all that , when he knoweth that I have agreed with you for it , he will not fail to content you : The young youth being thus instructed , they at length came unto the house , and entred into the shop , where the Chyrurgion seemed joyfull to see his new Patient , Is this ( said he ) the youth of whom you told me ? Yes Sir , answered the other , you may if it please you take him into your Chamber to give him content , I pray you walke up said the Chyrurgion , at which words the boy leaveth the Stuffe he had under his Cloake in the shop , and followeth the Chyrurgion directly to the Chamber ; the other seeing the shop voyd of people , takes the Stuffe and runs away with it : The Chyrurgion in the meane time examineth the youth concerning his disease ; and told him that there was no danger for him to discover it unto him , and that if humane remedies could give him ease , he hoped quickly to cure him of his malady . The boy , quite amazed , not knowing what the Chyrurgion meaned , answered , That ( he thanked God ) he was free from any disease . The Chyrurgion , who was intreated to presse him by threatnings if he would not make knowne his griefe by faire meanes , persisteth in his remonstrances , My friend , said he unto him , diseases the more inveterate they are , the more difficult they are to be cured , the griefe that waxeth old , taketh root , and men are often constrained to make incision , where ( if applyed in time ) there needed not more then an ordinary Plaister . The youth , who expected nothing from him but mony ( that being the best salve in these dayes ) told him , That he came for no other cause but to receive money for his Stuffes . The Chyrurgion perceiving that he used all his faire perswasions to little or no purpose , thought he might draw him to tell him his infirmities by threatning ; he therefore began to waxe very rough with him , but when he heard him speak of Stuffes and Ware , he began to smell out the cheat , and asked him of what Ware he spake ; the boy exclaimed wonderfully against him , calling him Cheater , and told him that he should pay for the stuffe : but in the end he was turned home without either Money or Stuffe . This may serve as a warning to young Apprentises , not to suffer themselves to be led by the faire words of any man , but to be carefull of their affaires , and to be watchfull of those things committed to their custody , by which meanes they shall deserve praise of all men , and avoyd many the like dangers which they shall run into . CHAP. IIII. A Cheaters selfe-invitation . IMpudence is the ordinary portion of Theeves , and few are found among them , that are not infected with that vice . Garandine , as impudent as crafty ( and who for his thefts was executed at Roven ) as he was one day at Paris , walking from place to place , as he was still accustomed , the better to entrap Novices ; took notice of two Citizens , who having not for a long time seene one the other , embraced , welcomed , and mutually rejoyced one in each others company : Hee who still kept one eare for the Towne , and another for the Countrey , perceiving them discourse of their particular affaires , drew by little and little neere unto them , yet without seeming any way desirous to participate of their discourse ; At length , after much talke , the one of these earnestly intreated the other to come the next day by eleven of the clock to his house , there to take part of a poore dinner with him , and to bring with him some friend to bear him company ; the other faithfully promised him not to faile to endeavor the increase of his happines , by visiting him at the appointed houre , and withall , signified , that he much honoured him by his invitation . Garandine , who had with an attentive eare hearkned to this loving invitation , was perswaded that hee might then performe some exploit : He resolves therefore to follow his intended Host afarr off , and to learne the streete and place where he resided , to the end that he might not faile the next day to be there as well as he who was invited ; which having taken notice of , he failed not the next day at the prefixed houre , to take his walke about the place , expecting when he who was invited to dinner would come , that he might serve him for an Vmbra ; as the ancients were accustomed , who when any were invited to a feast , alwayes took one to accompany them . He having at length perceived the invited guest comming afarre off , so ordered his steps that they both met at the same instant , just over against the very doore ; wherupon , the Marchant thinking that Gerandine had been invited by the master of the house , contested in humility who should enter last ; the other would not doe as the shadow which lead Socrates one day to a banquet and entred before its Master , which was contrary to custome , this was the cause that he entred last : Where being both welcomed by the master of the house , they sate downe , and while dinner was preparing they entertained themselves in discourses of Newes , and relations of such things as passed in Court. Garandine in the meane time had not his eyes setled but in their unsetled motions , he gazed every way to spie out an opportunity to provide for himselfe before his departure : The table being furnished , while they wash their hands , Garandine cast his eye on the Bason ( which was of silver , and well worth 200 crownes ) and tooke notice that they had left it in the roome adjoyning , which was the Kitchin. The Master of the house thought that his friend had brought Gerandine with him , and that he was of his acquaintance ; And the other on the contrary , thought that the Master of the house had invited him to dinner . It must needs be that Gerandine had a good wit , and that he carryed himself very cunningly knavish in this place ; for he was examined by both , and answered very pertinently to all that was demanded . Dinner being ended , and the cloth taken away , they for a time recreated themselves with discourse , untill that Garandine having perceived that the servant was gone forth , and that the Mistris of the house was gone into an upper Chamber , Sirs ( said he ) I pray you excuse me if I am somewhat unmannerly , there are some urgent occasions which call me hence , but I will not faile to returne unto you within this quarter of an houre at most ; and so having taken his leave of them , he descended into the Kitchin , and tooke the silver Bason under his arme , and fled . He was no sooner departed , but that the two Citizens ( but especially he who was invited ) began to inquire who that honest Gentleman was ? The other answered that he knew him not , and that he thought him to have been some friendly companion of his ; whereupon , behold them mightily astonished , they call the Mistris , to whom they relate the whole Story , but in the meane time they thought not of their Bason which was stollen , untill an houre after , when the servant was returned from the City it was found missing , and the Theefe known . Thus got Garandine his dinner freely , but hee dearely payed for the Bason afterwards at Roven . CHAP. V. The notable impudence of AMERTIS . VVE may well tearm it an Iron or Leaden age , since we finde in it but hard-hearted and heavy actions , and not to be imagined by common senses of reasonable men ; I may truly say , That the spring and fountaine from whence so many mischiefs proceed , is a certaine kind of ungracious Impudence , whereto we are all for the most part inclined , and which by our custome becomming habituall , changeth it selfe into a nature in the end : We may see a notable example thereof in the person of Amertis , a man who had travelled through most parts of Christendome , a man who had great correspondencies ▪ both in his native Countrey and among forraine Nations , and one who was much practised in the affaires of the World. As this man one day walked in the Hall of the Palace , with an intent to spie out mens actions , he saw a Merchant of Lions , who was with one of his associates , talking about some Wares which he had formerly delivered unto him : Amertis seriously viewing the Marchant , and in a deep contemplation , considering with himselfe whether he could invent some trick to surprise him ; but as he ruminated on the execution of his not yet resolved enterprise , he heard three or foure Gentlemen talking of him ; the one said that hee was of Lions , and that hee knew him very well ; the other said that he had made a Voyage into Italy with him , and that he yet owed him some Monies which he had lent the Merchant at Millan : To all which Amertis very attentively listened , so that at length , he by this and other discourse learned who he was , where he had beene , and about what time ; to be briefe , with the memory he had , which was very quick , he retained all that which he heard spoken of him . Not long after , he came unto him ( finding him among three or foure men of quality with whom he sometimes dealt ) and saluteth him with a profound reverence ; the other having never seene him , before , turneth towards him , and resalutes him with these words ; Sir , excuse me , I pray you , I cannot call to minde the remembrance of you , and yet methinks I have seen you some where : Sir ( replied he unto him ) I have had the honour to make a Voyage into Italy with you ; The Marchant who could not remember all those who fifteene yeeres since had beene in his company , being twelve or thirteene in number , beleeved that he said true , and tooke upon him to acknowledge it . Amertis conjecturing well of this new fained old acquaintance , after much discourse of severall things which hee affirmed to have happened since they last saw one another , began to tell him , That he should doe him a very great pleasure if he could now helpe him to the hundred Crownes hee had formerly lent him ; whereat the Marchant being much amazed , and not knowing what Amertis intended by those words , answered that he ought him nothing ; I cannot beleeve , replyed the other , that a man of your rank and quality ( who seemed alwayes to have esteemed honour , and ever made profession of an honest life ) should now have so bad a Conscience as to deny mee that which is my due , that were not only to violate the Rites of friendship and of all civill conversation , but also to subvert that good opinion men have hitherto conceived of you both at Lions and in Paris ; doe not you remember that I lent you this summe in Millan ? you can by no just meanes deny it , you will incurre a generall blame if you should seeke to inrich your selfe with the goods of another . The Merchant being perplexed , not knowing what answere to make to his so impudent demand , told him , That perhaps hee had lent him some Money in his Voyage , but that surely he had long since repayed ; The other denying it , persisteth eagerly in his first demand . Those that were with the Marchant , perceiving some appearance of truth in Amertis words ( not discovering the falshood that lay hid under them ) were of opinion that the Marchant wronged him , in refusing to pay him a due debt : And truely , a man who had never seen the proceedings and countenance of Amertis , would never have judged that he had intended deceit . Upon this contestation they all retire to their severall houses , but Amertis pursued his old friend , even unto his lodging , to the end he might constraine him to restitution ; at length , being not able at that time to prevaile , he remits his cause untill the next morning , and then finding him in an honourable assembly , he mooved him concerning his former demand . The Marchant being much discontented to see himselfe so hardly pressed by this impudent affronter , before such worthy company , fearing to hazard the losse of reputation , and undergoe an unjust censure for it , intreats one of his company to take this debt upon him in his name , that they might try how this busines would that way succeed ; whereupon , he that had received the watch-word , seeing that Amertis was resolutely bent to pursue the marchant , came in full assembly and said unto him , Sir , you wrong your selfe , to take this man for him that ought you the debt whereof you speak , you are mistaken Sir , it is not he , but I that owe it , ( and yet everyman knew that he had never been in Italy . ) Amertis , as crafty as a man could possibly be , tooke occasion by the lock , and answered him , Sir , it is very true as you your selfe confesse before these worthy Gentlemen , that you owe me one hundred Crownes , for your part you cannot deny it , but this is not the debt , for I lent him this summe in Italy , and he must of necessity pay it . Thus he so strongly convinced them both , the one by probable circumstances , and the other by his owne confession ; that for feare of loosing their reputation in so honourable a presence , and to be rid of his importunity , and future trouble , they were constrained to pay him the one halfe in hand , promising him the rest shortly after , which he with much intreaty accepted of . CHAP. VI. A Marchant cheated by a pretended Church-warden . THere lived in Paris a certain Cope-marchant named Clarinde , who was extreame rich , and so given to the vice of Avarice , that he could seldome be at rest , or enjoy any other content then by numbring his almost numberlesse Crownes ; some whereof he was accustomed to carry in a great Purse , which so heavily weighed downe his pocket , as if the burthen thereof intended to crush him even unto Hell before his time . This Purse was noated by cheating Rascalls ( who are never idle , but alwayes going from street to street to seeke advantages ) who having : oftentimes passed and repassed by the shop of this Clarinde , and considering with himselfe what plot he might put in practise to deprive him of it ; after a revolution of thoughts , resolved to make tryall of one of the strangest inventions that ever was heard of . He takes one of his Companions upon the New-bridge ( for that is the place of their ordinary retreat ) and cloathing both himselfe and his Companion like Husbandmen , they for a time consult whether it were best for him to enter or retyre , for he saw many Chapmen in the shop , which made him despaire of arriving at the period of his designes ; for if he should have entred in among so many people , he could not have practised his invention with a cleere conveyance ; againe , the habit which he had taken purposely for that intent , urged him not to desist from his intended enterprise , but to try the favour of fortune ; and moreover , his Companion so farr pressed him , that he was suspended as it were betweene two contrary opinions ; In this case stood the Cutpurse , he durst neither goe forward nor backward ; the neerer boldnes made him approach , the more the feare of being perceived willed him retire ; at length he resolved to attend , untill that the Chapmen , who were then in the shop , were departed , and to this he was the rather induced , by the hope he had to increase the gaine by his delay , for he conceived ( as it prooved true indeed ) that the Marchant having sold that which they in the shop were bargaining for , there would arise the more profit unto him , if he should have the good fortune to obtaine his Purse : In the meane time his companion seemed much discontented , that he saw not as yet , the expected issue of that which his Comrade had so confidently undertaken ; the other encouraged him the best he could , to attend a little while , untill that the shop were voyd , which he did , but with much impatience . At length , he that was Captaine in this exploit , having noated that the Chapmen were departed , came to advertise his Companion , that he should stand Sentinel on the end of the Marchants Bridge , there to receive from him what he brought ; he in the meane time goes into the shop , where finding the Marchant alone , he causeth him to open divers Copes , telling him that he was a Parishioner of Gentilly , and that being not long since chosen Church-warden , he was appointed to buy a faire Cope for the Parson of the Parish , he desired him therefore to shew him those that were good , and to use him well in the price . Clarinde , who thirsted inwardly with the greedy desire of gaine , sheweth him divers sorts of Copes , among these the Cutpurse made choise of one to which he seemed to have a better liking then the rest , he therefore cheapens it , but before he would fully agree on the price , he tells him that hee would desire to see whether the Cope were well made , and whether for size or length it would fit the Curate of the Parish , who he said was much about his stature ; he therefore intreats him to doe him so much favour as to assay it ; Clarinde ( nothing at all doubting of that which his pretended Church-warden would do ) puts on the Cope on his back , which the Church-warden having exactly viewed , seemed to dislike , for shortnesse , in that part where the Pouch hung ; the Marchant supposing the cause of this seeming shortnesse to be no other then the bearing out of his Pouch underneath , unhang'd it and laid it by on the Counter ; his Chapman reviewing him , said hee now liked it well , but his Purse better ; with that he nimbly snatcht it , and ran away ; the Marchant in his Cope ( for he had no leasure to put it off ) ran after , the one for his money , the other for his life ; the Cutpurse , who had out-run him about fourty paces , told the people by the way as he ran , that they must not by any meanes stay him , for that hee that ran after him was distracted , to others he said , that he ran for a wager ; Clarind notwithstanding ceaseth not his pursute , but his legs being too stiffe , and his joynts not well suppled , and the world gazing more on the fluttring of his gay Cope then on him or his Cutpurse , he at length lost sight of his Church-warden , and was constrained , with shame , to returne to his house , with the losse of all the money which hee had received in eight dayes before . CHAP. VII . Polidamors entertainement among Theeves . THe City of Paris hath alwayes been accounted the ordinary refuge and retreate of Theeves and Vagabonds , and ( which one would admire ) many of them maintaine themselvs so well , and go so compleate in their apparell , conforming their discourse and outward demeanor thereunto , that men would often take them for the chief gentlemen in court . Let us now see what happened to Polidamor by the enterprises of some of these night-walking Vagabonds . Polidamor was an Advocate , as famous for his wisdome , as renowned for his eloquence , he onely was spoken of in the Palace and Courts of Pleadings ; his name was the ordinary discourse of men of honour , and he was admired of all that knew him . These plotters of Mischiefe , who lie alwayes in Ambush , expecting their prey , hearing some talke of this worthy man , resolved among themselves to try their cunning to entrap him : The complot being resolved on , and they ( knowing his lodging , which was not far from the Cordeliers ) often sought the opportunity to surprise him , but yet for three or foure times they failed ; but at length , he comming onely attended on by a little Lackey , neere Saint Andrewes of Arts , three of them having perceived him , presently beset him , and there rifle him ; but finding no store of money about him , they took from him a new Cloake of very fine Spanish-cloth lin'd through with Plush : Polidamor , who wonderfully vexed that he had been after such a sort un-Cloak'd , said unto them ; Sirs , I humbly intreat you to affoord mee so much favour as to permit me ( since you have taken away my Cloake ) to redeeme it upon reasonable termes , I shall willingly give unto you for it more then it wil elsewhere affoord you ; if therefore my proposition bee acceptable unto you , to morrow , at what houre you shall please to appoint , I will bring you mony for it : the Theeves hearing him speake after ▪ that sort , answered him , That he should not faile the next day , by six a clock at night , to be in that place , and that then they would restore unto him his Cloak , but withall , told him , That they were already informed of his lodging and quality , and therefore charged him not to bring any one with him to serve him for a safe Convoy , for if he did , they vowed his ruine , and gave him just cause to despaire ( if he came accompanied ) of ever returning to his house . Polidamor , terrified with such threatnings , promised them not to faile to bee there alone at th' appointed houre , in the meane time hee was constrained to returne to his house without his Cloake , which he thought very unseemely in a man of his quality , and could hardly digest it , he being a man not accustomed to such rude entertainements ; but in this case he must make a vertue of necessity by enduring it with patience , not knowing well how to remedy it . On the morrow he takes his purse well furnished with money , and departs from his house about halfe an houre after five , and came to the place where the former night he had lost his Cloake , there he for a time attended ; at length , immediately after sixe , he perceived a Coach with three or foure Gentlemen in it , Polidamor little thought those whom he expected were such kinde of people ; these men seeing him stand at the appointed place , caused likewise their Coach to stop , whereupon , one of them privately enquires of him , whether he were the man from whom they had , the night before , taken away a Cloake lined with Plush ? he answered , That he was the man , and that he came thither upon no other businesse , but to redeem it according to his promise ; Upon this answere , one of them came unto him , and whispering him in his eare , demanded whether he were accompanied , or not , and told him that if he were , his life was in hazard : he having vowed unto them that he was alone , was taken up by them , and placed in the midst of the Coach , where they hoodwinke him , one of them holding a Pistoll at his breast lest he should make an out-cry ; behold Polidamor greatly amaz'd and terrified , but he was much incouraged when they promised not any way to hurt him , or doe him mischiefe ; they presently cause the boote of the Coach to be shut close , and command the Coachman to drive away with speed : Polidamor in the meane time remained as it were in a trance , not knowing whither hee was conveyed . Having swiftly hurried from street to street , they came at length to a most stately house , where the gate being presently opened , they enter ; then began Polidamor to redouble his feare , and to expect the houre of his death , for he never thought to escape ; at length , his eyes being uncovered , they led him straight to a great Hall , where hee found the Tables covered with all kindes of most exquisite meates , hee was mightily astonished to see himselfe in the midst of so many people , all in good order , and so well clothed , that a man would have judged them to have been of some high quality : They told him that he needed not to feare , for that he was in good company , and that they had not brought him thither , but that he might doe them the honour to take part of a poore Supper with them , but Polidamor could have wisht himselfe at Supper elsewhere in a place of more security ; for he could not devise , either in what part of the city he then was , nor conceive what they were with whom hee was to Suppe . In the meane time , having washed their hands , every one tooke his place , and had they been Princes they could not have been better attended , yet they caused Polidamor to sit at the upper end of the Table , who had he been further from both ends would have had a better appetite ; He notwithstanding made shew of eating with the rest , judging , that seeing he was in the middest of Wolves , he could not doe otherwise then imitate their actions ; When they had all Supped , and that the Tables were uncovered and Cloth taken away , some of them came to discourse with Polidamor , and after a complementall manner , told him , That they were sorry that he had eaten so little with them ; to which he knew not what to answere , for he feared lest by the rash utterance of some word which might be wrong taken , he should provoke them to anger , and to draw on his owne ruine , yet hee took courage , and deliberately gave them respective answers ▪ While some of them were in discourse , one tooke a Lute , another a Violl , and so recreated themselves ; At length , after much talke , he , who the day before had taken the Cloake from Polidamor , came unto him , and asked him whether hee had brought the Mony which he promised ? Polidamor answered that it was ready , and thereupon told out thirty pistols upon the end of the Table ( the Cloak being well worth fourty : ) This being done , they shewed unto him a little private Chamber , which seemed unto him a very rich Wardrobe , hanged round about with Coats and Cloakes of great value , there they bade him cull out his ; Polidamor was amazed to see such costly Cloakes , and began to take courage ; and having found his Cloak among the rest , he returned againe into the Hall , behaving himselfe towards them with all submissive respects , for he feared that hee should not part upon so good termes , neither did he ; for when he was ready to depart , one came and told him , That the Coachman who had brought him thither , and was to conduct him backe , must be rewarded for his paines with a pistolet , and that hee must likewise pay for his Supper with them : Polidamor , unwillingly liberall , giveth them two pistolets more , and so took his leave of them : The Coach was suddenly provided , whereinto he entring , and having his eyes bound up , he was brought unto the same place where they had formerly taken him up , there did they uncover his eyes and set him on foot , delivering him a Billet , sealed with greene Wax , wherein was written these words in great Letters , THE GREAT BANDE HATH LET HIM PASSE . and withall , advised him if he met with any one that would offer him any kinde of violence , to shew unto him this Passeport ; telling him , That by that means he should be permitted quietly to passe , So Polidamor parted from them , happy to have escaped out of their hands with life : But scarce had he gone into the second street , but he found three other Theeves ready to rifle him ; and now he who at first made no account of the Billet which they had given him , bethought himselfe that perhaps it might stand him in stead ; he therefore presents it unto them , which was read by one of them that carried a dark Lanthorne , so they suffred him to passe and return unto his house , where his wife remained in great perplexity , not knowing what was become of her husband ; but her anxious feare was soone turned into joy by his presence , and into delight by the Relation which hee made unto her of his adventures . She , like a loving wife , not regarding the losse which he had sustained , seeing smile-frowning Fortune had shewed her constant inconstancy , by converting his former losse and danger , into a safe returne . CHAP. VIII . A prodigious History of the treacheries of Valesio . THose men who are perswaded that they can bring the greatest things to perfection , finde themselves most often entangled by their naturall imbecility and weakenesse , and most commonly , the mischiefes which they contrive against their neighbours , and the evills which they project against them , take not successe but to their owne losse and disgrace ; yea , those very darts which they most despightfully cast at others , doe often , by Gods justice , reverberate against themselves : Antiquitie furnisheth mee with many examples ; but our latter Age hath noated out one above the rest , as prodigious and fearefull , as beyond the sence and common opinion of men . There hath not past an Age wherein the great Creator hath not made some signes of his just indignation appeare , to punish the treacheries of those that imbrace actions so wicked and abominable , as if hatcht in hell , rather then sprung from mans invention . The History which I now describe unto you is true , and happened not long since ; the sequell whereof is as much to be admired , as his end , who was the cause of it , was prodigious and horrible . Valesio was borne in Berne a Canton of Switzerland , and was sent by his father to the City of Lucerne , to bee there instructed ; hee had a spirit full of subtilty , and fit to undergoe great matters , had he been honestly enclined : In Lucerne hee for a time studied the Law , where during his abode hee often resorted to the house of an Inn-keeper , named Lucio of Zurich , a man rich and wealthy , with whom he grew so familiarly acquainted , that he could neither eat nor drinke but in his company ; he lodged over against his house , and it seem'd that heaven was not favourable unto him when he enjoyed not the company of this man ; but his affection increased when it had taken footing within his house , and when hee became enamor'd with the beauty of his onely daughter : This yong Valesio being inflamed with an earnest desire of injoying the feature of this maid , the oftner frequented the house , under pretence of visiting the Father , when as indeed his greatest happinesse consisted in beholding the beauty of the daughter ; their eyes had already given to each other friendly enterchanges , and had privately practised an alliance in their thoughts , by the encounter of their rayes ; and their hearts quickly approved of that within , which their eyes had practised without ; so that Valesio perceiving his affection seconded by a favourable Zephir , resolved to acquaint his Love with that which his heart as yet concealed ; The father being advertised therof , and perceiving that the inclinations and affections of these Lovers were mutuall , knit them together in marriage , under the sweete bonds of Hymen ; happy , and thrice happy had they been , had they not abused it , but finished the number of their yeres , without straying from the path of Vertue . They lived two yeeres and an halfe together , in all sorts of Temporall delight ; at the end whereof , the father died of a lingering feaver , happy in that he survived not to bee a spectator of the ensuing Tragedy . By the death of Lucio , all the inheritance fell into the possession of Valesio , ( for his wives mother deceased long before . ) He therefore resolved to take the same course of life , as his father in law had done before him , being that he found the house so well furnished : The good entertainment which he at the beginning gave unto his guests , purchased him a good report of every one ; so that if any man desired to entertaine a friend sumptuously , whither must they go but to the house of Valesio ; there were they joyfully receaved , and used with all kinde of contentment ; but at length , the swinge which Valesio had taken , made him so swell with pride , that he began to forget his family , that he might the better forget himselfe ; the courtesie which he formerly shewed unto his guests , was now changed into most cruell tyranny , which he often exercised upon travellers , killing and massacring them like unto another Licaon : his house heretofore the receptacle and seat of courtesie , was now become the cut-throat and deadly place where poor Passengers were entrapped ; he hacked them most cruelly in peeces , and made Pies therewith ( an unnaturall and monstrous barbarisme , ) hee durst not have practised these cruelties towards the Citizens of Lucerne , for so his wickednesse had beene discovered : the delicate relish of his meat which hee provided , drew unto him a multitude of guests , which they with joyful greedinesse devoure , whiles that he ( Villaine ) laughs at their simplicity ; little thinking , that he himselfe should shortly feele the just judgement of God , heavily lighting upon him for his monstrous and barbarous cruelties . A strange blindnesse in humane conceits , which perswade themselves , that there is no Divinity to revenge or punish their heynous crimes and misdeeds ; we so flatter our selves in our wicked prosperities that we cannot beleeve we shall ever fall into those miserable punishments which wee deserve . Valeio could never beleeve , that the Heavens would reveale or revenge the death of those innocent Soules , which hee had most barbarously slaine : but the Great mover of the Heavens could no longer suffer so cruell crimes : the bloud of so many poore wretches unjustly shed , cried for vengeance before the glorious majesty of his face ; and yet this great and mercifull God staied for a time the furie of his justice , to hearken to the sweet requests of mercy , but hee ( wretched Caitiffe ) deferred so long repentance for his heinous misdeeds , untill the weight of so many deadly crimes , drew the arme of the just vengeance of God to punish him , as severely and exemplarily , as the faults deserved . It hapned after the secret murthers of so many people , that a certaine Merchant of France returning from Bohemia , was in passing that way desirous to see the Cantons of the Switzers , and particularly the City of Lucerne ; he therefore came unto this City , where being arrived he inquires for an Inne , and was directed to the house of Valesio , as the best and most renowned Inne of the City ; he goes thither , and was favourably received and welcomed by those cruell Syrens , who allured passengers unto them by the harmonious consorts of their voices , that they might afterward devoure them , and make them their prey : he having visited the City , and viewed part of the rarities thereof , ( as the stately Monastery , and the River Russi , which passeth through the Towne , and runneth forth of a great Lake as doth the River Rhine , out of the Lake of Constance ) was desirous to take his rest : Here the confidence which the guest ordinarily reposeth ( according to the custome of France ) in the Master of the Inne , made the Merchant disburthen himselfe of two thousand Crownes which he had in gold , and to demand of Valesio , a place where he might put them in safe keeping : this Inne-keeper , who was alwayes double in his workes , had a strong and massie Cupbord and two Keyes which might easily open it ; whereof he gave one unto the Merchant to put his money in safegard , but kept the other close unto himself , to serve his own opportunities : night approaching , he was tempted to bereave his guest , both of life and money : but whether it were that God would otherwise dispose of him , or that his owne life was already come to its period ; his wife who noated a comelinesse and courtesie more then ordinary in this Merchant , disswaded him from so bloudy a designe , and urged him to imbrace another lesse cruell , but such as must cost him his life . The Merchant rose early in the morning to view the rest of the City , which hee had not seen the day before . Valesio in the meane time openeth the Cupbord , rippeth the bottome of the bag , and taketh a note in writing of the quantity of all the moneyes in generall , and likewise of every sort of coyne in particular which he there found ; then having neatly stitched up the bottome of the bag , he locked the Cupbord , and acted his part with such subtill dexterity , that it was impossible for a man to discerne that it had beene touched : but he who penetrates into the depth of our most secret thoughts , easily discovered this craft , as may be noted by that which ensues . The Marchant having satisfied his curiosity , and seen ( in passing ) that which was most worthy of noate in the Towne , returned to his Inne ; and having payed what they demanded , he took forth his bagge and went to horse-back . Valesio presently thinking that he had in vaine opened the Theatre ( and begun the Play ) if he finished not the Tragedy , breakes open the bottom of his Cupboord , and presently begins to raise Hue and Cry after the Theef , pretending that the Marchant had robbed him ; His neighbours were instantly in an uproare , ( for he had so long worne the cloake of Dissimulation , and outwardly behaved himself , that every man esteemed his word as an Oracle ) insomuch that many of his best friends prepared themselves for pursute ; the Host sheweth them which way his guest went , they hasten after and overtake him two Leagues from Lucerne ; they seize on his person , as on a malefactor ; accuse him of theft , and bring him backe bound hand and foot into the Towne ; whereat he being amazed , seemes , by his silence , as it were to confesse the deed : They lead him before a Justice , who sendeth him to prison . That part of the Tragedy being acted , they prepare his Inditement ; and the Host shewing his memoriall , intreateth them not to examine him untill they had perused his noate ; He makes it apparent that his Cupboord was broken ; and upon the opening of the bags , the Judges found therein the same summe and sorts of Coyne specified in the Hosts noate . The most wary and wisest Judge might have been incumbred , and overshot themselves in so intricate a businesse . The Evidence of the deed being thus almost sifted out ( in mans judgement ) caused the poore Marchant to be shut up in a strait dungeon , and there to be laden with Irons . Thus this poore innocent groaned in darkesome caves , not knowing any meanes of his delivery : Wretch that I am ( would he say ) must I needs perish in this obscure place , not having so much as intended that whereof they accuse me ? What Celestiall powers have I so offended , that I should be reduced to such misery ? was I borne under so cruell Constellations that my own innocence should betray me , and bereave me of my life ? O great God! who in thy just judgements canst penetrate into the depth of this secret and unjust accusation , Wilt thou suffer my fault to be made criminall in this sort ? And must I be the shuttle-cocke and sport of treason ? Revenge and reveale this their injustice , ( I beseech thee ) and suffer me not to perish in this depth of misery . As he pronounced these words with an extreame griefe and unexpressable passion , a Devill appeared unto him in an humane shape , wearing on his head a red Cap , and approaching him , inquires , what his griefe was , and tels him , that if hee would give him his soule , he would deliver him out of those Fetters wherein he was wrongfully shackled ? Many in these dayes , and alwayes have bin , who would have redeemed themselves out of these temporary paines , to have cast themselves into the eternall , therby to have regain'd their over-valued liberty ; but this Merchant having firme hope in the Divine Providence , answered , that he was resolved never to commit so heinous a crime , and that he had rather dye innocent of the offence , whereof they accused him , then to live guilty of renouncing his Creator . This Devil , destinated by the Almighty for to be a punisher of Valesio's wickednes , notwithstanding offereth him his service , & promiseth him certainly to procure his liberty , provided , he would follow his advice ; he then told him , that the very day whereon they would bring him to execution , he would be present to defend his cause that he should therfore boldly make choice of him for his advocate , against the Impostures of his Host , that he should know him by his red Cap , and that he by so doing should be by him cleerely freed from his innocent danger . Now it is to be noted , that when any among the Cantons of the Switzers , wil condemn a man to death , the Senate pronounceth his sentence in the midst of the Assembly upon a Scaffold , and giveth permission to the condemned to make choise of any of the company to defend his cause : this custome hath beene anciently practised , and yet is continued unto this day . The day being come , wheron this Criminell should be punished , he was brought unto the place of execution , where an infinite number of people attended him , all of them being verely perswaded that this crime ( whereof he was falsly accused ) should be rigourously punished , for an example to others for ensuing times : They bring him on the Scaffold , his Host being there present , and pronounce the sentence of his death , demanding of him ( according unto custom ) whether he had any one in the Company that would plead for him ; he , in this miserable plight lookes about him , and espying the red Bonnet among the rest . Although ( sayes he ) my innocence speakes sufficiently of it selfe to justifie my actions , having alwaies lived honestly , and in good credit , yet since I may claime the liberty of your custome , I make choice of him in the red Cap , whom you may there see , to justifie me : upon these words every one looking upon the Man , of whō he spake , could not tell what to imagine , for he looked not like a Switzer , either in habit or countenance , he ascends upon the Scaffold , causeth the Host to approach , begins to declare the naked truth of the matter , confronts , and confutes the witnesses , strikes a feare & terror into the hearts and consciences of his accusers , and plainly layes open the wickednes of Valesio . The people in the meane time wonder at his boldnesse , and admire his eloquence , he at lēgth declares the fraud , making it appeare the bags were ripped : then he brings the Judges to the Inne , where he discovers unto thē the place where they were accustomed to hide humane flesh ; Valesio notwithstanding insisteth on the contrary , and by superficiall reasons , indeavours to palliate his wickednesse , still affirming that the Merchant had stollen the said money from him ; the Devill willing to catch him in his trap , said unto him , sithence thou assurest with such probabilities that this innocent is guilty of death , and that he hath robbed thee , wilt thou on thy faith sweare that hee hath done it ? The Host presently , the better to confirme the justnesse of his accusation , said , it was hee alone which stole away my mony , and if it were not so as I have affirmed , I wish to God that the Devill may carry me away both body and soul ; the Devill without prolonging the matter , takes upon him a most horrible shape , snatcheth him up , and carrieth him away through the midst of the wide ayre : thus payed he for treacherosly accusing the poore innocent , and so inhumanely massacring those , who he should have kindly entertained . The Marchant was presently set at liberty , with his Monies restored unto him , the Judges desiring pardon for committing so great an errour , in so rashly condemning him ; For which , he desired no other satisfaction at his departure , but an Act to be recorded , and a Certificate made of the present History , to leave to posterity , the never dying remembrance of the infamous treachery of the ever dying Valesio . CHAP. IX . A young Cut-purse made free . THat I may recreate your mind after the former sad relation , I shal here relate unto you , a bolde deede and pleasant History , performed in the Churchyard of Saint Innocents in Paris ; the trueth whereof many of the neighbouring Marchants can yet witnesse , and it was in this manner : There was a young Boy newly arrived at Paris , who had associated himselfe with divers Vagabonds and Cut-purses , there did this Boy remaine for the space of fifteene dayes , without doing any thing that might be termed notorious : at length , ( as every thing hath a beginning ) the assembly of Rogues resolved , sithence that hee would be of their society , to make him free : for in this trade , it is not as in others , wherein men must bee first Scholers , before they be Masters ; or Aprentices , before they become Freemen : here is but a word and a blow , one nip takes a Purse , and in the subtilty thereof consists the perfection of the Trade . Now there was one among the rest of the company , who was enjoyned to take this Boy abroad , and to appoint him some kinde of triall , whereby they might bee assured of his courage and aptnesse to the performance of exploits . He therefore takes forth his new Comerade , and brings him from one part of the Towne to the other , still expecting an oportunity of doing mischiefe ; at length being come into the Cloyster of Saint Innocent , they perceived an old Woman kneeling on a Tombe , there praying for the soules departed ; whereupon this old Hang-man told the Boy , that if he would become Master of his Trade and bee of their fraternity , he must with a resolute subtilty go and cut the old Womans purse ; to whom the Boy answered , that it was impossible for him so to doe without being perceived , and therefore desired to goe try in some other place where there were a throng of people , that hee might the better performe what he intended without evident dange , for that to attempt cutting off her purse , she kneeling by her selfe , there being store of people in other places of the Church , which might easily apprehend him , was as hee said , meere madnesse : but the old Fox so urged him by perswasions and threatnings , that he was at length constrained to undertake it ; so the Boy approached the Tombe , and kneeled downe close by the old woman ; she ( nothing doubting of the intended roguery , but contrarywise thinking that Devotion had brought him thither ) held on in her prayers , and was not a jot interrupted in them : Now the young Rogue was in great perplexity of minde , not knowing whether it were best for him to adventure , or not ; which his guide misdoubting ( by reason of his long stay ) came and made a signe unto him to dispatch ; whereupon , the boy incouraged with the hope of his being free by that exploit , sliely cut her Purse ; and so with a slow pace withdrew himselfe , and being very joyfull of what he had done , came unto his guide , who expected him in the Cloyster : but when as the old Villane had look't into the Purse , and found but little in it , he told his young Companion , that he had not yet passed Master of his art , for that he would shew him one trick of his Trade , which he had not yet learned ; whereupon he took him by the hand , and griping him fast , cried out unto the Woman , that that young fellow had cut her Purse ; the Woman presently looking about her , found her strings there , but her Purse gone : as soone as the people heard it , they hastned towards the Boy ; but the newes was no sooner spread , but the Boy was gone , yet not so far , but that whole troopes followed him , who being overtaken , was soundly beaten with Cudgels , every one thronging to see the young Cutpurse ; among others , there were divers Merchants of the street , who came out of their Shops with little Pouches by their sides , which the old Villane taking notice of , thrust himselfe into the thickest of the throng , and there cut off foure or five of their Pouches : the Merchants at length perceiving , that while they were expostulating with the Boy , some other cut their Pouches , which they wondred at , and well noating the behaviour of the old Theefe , they upon the sudden found him cutting off another : this made all the people to forsake the Boy , and to follow him , by which meanes the Boy escaped ; but the old Cutpurse was by one of the nimblest footmen overtaken , who trusting too much to the hold which he had of one of his eares , suffered him likewise to escape from him ; for this crafty old Hang-man , having formerly lost his eares , for some such mischievous exploit , procured others to be so artificially made , that they seemed as naturall as others : by one of these was he taken , which easily comming off , gave occasion of wonder to those that pursued him ; and the meane while that they stood wondring at that , he escaped to the Grove , into a throng of people , who were there assembled to see an Execution of one who was broken on the Wheele ; from which place , he carried two Purses more to his fellowes , where hee found his young Cutpurse much discontented , that he had so treacherously dealt with him : Thus passed this young Boy Master in his Trade , after he had beene well beaten , though not so well as he justly deserved . CHAP. X. The Life and Death of little Iames. IT is hard for one in these dayes , to find out a young man endued with a staid wisdome ; for they suffer themselves to be so violently hurried by the heat of their owne passions , that vertue is most commonly over-mastered by vice , and reason , by a selfe-will inclination : the chiefe cause of this is , that vice escapes too oft unpunished , and that Parents doe commonly slacken the reines of their authority , permitting their children to doe whatsoever they vainely desire : so that this age being too apt and subject to ruine of it selfe ; if it be moreover encouraged to evill , by the over-fond permission of Parents , it is no wonder , if at length vice predominate . O wonderfull and perverse Age ! How many Monsters dost thou produce ? How many children are in these times borne Viper-like , to gnaw out the bowels of their Parents , causing them to custome themselves in sorrows and mournefull lamentations ? When wee have once lost that dutifull respect wherein we are obliged towards our Parents , how quickly do we lose that which we strictly owe unto God ? As may appeare exemplified in the insuing History , of one Iames , who being about the age of fifteene Yeares , forsook his Parents ( who were too carelesse of his education , ) with a full resolution , to betake himselfe to a debaucht kinde of life : and finding a fit opportunity , stole from his Father a great some of money ▪ and so fled . Not long after hee enrolled himselfe as a Souldier , under the command of a Lord , who at that time conducted a great Regiment : ( this was in those first troubles , wherein France , for a time , lost the sweet repose of peace , by the dissention of some great Peares in the State , who were retired from the Kings service to Cantonize it in divers Provinces of the Kingdome . ) While he was in the Army , he committed a thousand insolencies : and though but little in age and stature , yet he grew to that height of wickednes , that he was therein inferiour to none . He seldome stayed long in a place , and where he remained least , he sometimes left the greatest marks of his cruelty : those who suffered most by him , were poore Country people : some wherof , he would cause to be stretched out before a fire , and so by scorching and burning the soles of their feet , would force them to confesse where their money lay : hee would slash and cut the flesh of others , who would not suddenly bring unto him his appointed ransome ; and would also sometimes ravish those Maids hee by chance met : he grew so couragious that no man durst doe him an affront : for in foure yeares wherein he lived in the Arrmy , he had slain five in single combat ; who not being patient enough to indure his bravadoes ) had challenged him ; of which murthers he soone obtained remission , ( being much favoured of some Great ones ) and so escaped unpunished . The Army being at length cashier'd , he was constrain'd ( being never bred to labour ) either to steale , or beg : hee therefore betook himselfe to the Forrest of Senlis , where he robbed divers Passengers ; thence hee went as farre as Cleremont , with five or six of his Companions , who being armed with Pistols , there robbed the Waggon of Amiens : thence he betook himselfe to Paris , where he committed so many thefts , that he was at length , by the Society of Cutpurses , chosen Ringleader of their Company : he carried himselfe so subtilly in his affaires , that his most trusty companions could never know where his lodging was ; only when they met together , he would appoint them a rendivous wherto meet the next day ; and would often punish , and sometimes stab , those who the day before had executed no enterprize of noate . He would sometimes be clothed in the habit of a Physitian , in which he would often go to the houses of sick persons , and having noated the entries , they should not faile the next day to finde themselves robbed : he would hide himselfe sometimes a whole day together , in a House , and at night would open the doores to his Companions ; at other times he would cause himselfe to be followed by foure or five Tagrags , and would hastily come to the house of some Counsellor , when he thought most of the houshold servants were elsewhere imployed , and having earnestly demanded to speak with him , the Counsellor should no sooner approach , but little Iames ( for so they called him ) would have a Pistoll at his brest , and then force him to furnish him with what money he desired . He , with two or three of his Companions , being one day in the faire St. Germain , perceived a certain Atturney cheapning a silver Basin of a Goldsmith , who not agreeing on the price , put the money ( which hee had offered downe for payment ) into his pocket ; whereupon , little Iames shewing this Atturney to one of his Comrades commanded him to dive into the bottome of his pocket for that Gudgeon , and that otherwise they two should not bee good friends ; which the other refused to doe , as impossible without eminent danger ; he thereupon called unto him another , from whom he received the like deniall : He seeing that neither of them would obey his commands , conceived a mortall hatred against them ; and intending shortly to bee revenged , he said unto them , You will not undertake this enterprise , to ease me of imaginary difficulties , but assure your selves ( if I loose it ) you shall soundly pay for it : he having thus spoken left them , and came unto the Attourney , who was then bargaining with another Goldsmith , because he could not agree on the price with the first : and finding an opportunity , by reason of the throng then about him , thrust him with such violence , that his Hat fell to the ground , which while the Attourney tooke up , he gently put his hand into his Pocket and tooke his Purse , so that the Attourney having afterward agreed with the Goldsmith for the Basin , found no money to pay him , which was like to have caused dissention , in regard that the Goldsmith would have forced the Basin on him . Little Iames having thus acted his part , returned unto his Companions , and shewed them the Purse , whereat they rejoyced , but this their joy was short : for Little Iames hating them deadly for their disobedience , led them to a by-place , called Mount Pernassus , where hee commanded the one to stay for him ; and having drawne the other about a Flight-shot from thence , told him in great fury , that he could hardly forbeare to kill him , whereupon his Comrade desired to know the cause of his anger , and the reason why hee spoke such words ; but Little Iames perceiving that he saucily reasoned with him , suddenly drew forth his Sword and ranne him thorow : thence he came back to the other , whom he had commanded to stay for him on the Mount ; but lest his companion should suspect any harme or ill intent from him , he drew neere unto him with a smiling countenance ; when the other asking him where his Comrade was , he snatcht forth a Poniard , and stabbing him therewith , he said , behold , there he is , go thou to him . He once killed a begging Frier ; and having taken on him his habit and Letters of Order , came unto the Friers at S. Vincents , where he was by them for the space of fifteene dayes kindly entertained : and being resolved to furnish himselfe before his departure , he brought with him from Paris divers sorts of Pick-lock instruments , with which hee ( while the rest of the Convent , were about midnight ( as their custome is ) at Mattens , ) excusing himselfe for his absence ( as being constrained thereto ) by in-disposition of body , pickt open a doore where their money lay , which hee having taken away , cunningly shut the doore and went to bed : the next day he arose early , and taking his leave of the Superiour , returned to Paris ; where by his begging from doore to doore , hee greatly distressed those that were of that Order : for when any of them went forth to beg provision , they were answered , that they were served already , and that they had given it to one of their fellowes , whereat the Fryers were mightily amazed , and could not conceive by any meanes who it was that so grosly abused them : by this meanes did Little Iames commit sundry great thefts within the Citizens houses , he having free entrance , by reason of his habit : but it came to passe at length , that the Fryers of Saint Vincents having found out his arch knavery , desired some Officers within the City to search for him ; but their labour was in vaine ; untill it hapned that one of those Fryers ( not long after , ) entring into a certaine house for an almes , met this Iames comming forth of the same House ; whereupon hee intreated the Servants to lay hands on him , which they did ; and having lustily beaten him , were about to have led him to a Justice : but by the comming of some of his Associates , who guarded him , hee was rescued ; Little Iames taking an especiall notice of them , came the the next morning , ( having changed his habit , ) neere unto the place where those Servants dwelt , and craftily enquires their names , and the names of their Parents ; which having fully understood , he appointed 2. or 3. of his companions to meet him at a house not far from thence , at which time he wrote this Letter unto one of the Lackeys which had beaten him , whose name was Francis Maire , the Contents of the Letter was as followeth ; Sonne , I Am come purposely into this City , to acquaint you with some affaires which have lately happened in our parts : you have lived long here with little profit , I have found a Match fit for you in our Countrey , which you must not neglect ; It is not alwayes time to sow , we must sometimes reape : I would willingly have come unto your lodging , but that perhaps ( in so doing ) your Master would have suspected that I came purposely to entise you away ; wherefore I should bee glad to see you at my lodging , whither this bearer will conduct you ; I will in the meane time cause a Breakfast to be provided for you against you come ; and if you bring a friend with you , he shall be welcome , and his entertainement shall be the best we can provide . Farewell . Having sealed this Letter , he directs one of his young Cut-purses unto the house where this Maire dwelt ; who having received it , failed not to come with his Companion ; where being arrived , he was informed that his father was gone into the City , and had left command for them to goe to Breakfast , and not to stay for him : They therefore , being earnestly intreated to sit down , did ; but they had not sate long , before little Iames entred and saluted them , but they at first knew him not , untill he withdrawing himselfe into an innerroome , presently came forth in his Fryers habit ; then were the Lackyes in extreme perplexity , and would have forsaken the Table ; but Little Iames and his company suddenly seazed on them , and stripping them naked , he first lashed them with Stirrop-leathers ; then with a more then barbarous cruelty , caused their skins to bee gashed , and after , ( they being all bloudy ) hee put them into a great Tub of feathers , where they had little ease ; nothing could their cryes availe them , by reason that the House stood in a by-place , farre from any common resort ; and after having done them many other injuries , hee at mid-night sent them away feathered like so many Fowle ; and immediately he and his company forsooke the house . Having discoursed of the manner of his Life , let us come now unto his Death ; and see , whether it bee as tragick , as the actions of his life did prognosticate . The fame of this notorious Theef augmented daily in Paris , and twenty Leagues round there about ; so that the Provost thought it a part of his duty to make diligent search after him , hee gives strict order therefore to his Troopes deligently to give attendance , with whom hee made a Rode towards the Forrest of Fountaine-bleau , it being the common place where he lurked : but the subtilty of little Iames deceived him ; for he having intelligence of it , disguising himselfe like a country Ploughman , passed through the middest of them , and came to Paris , without being knowne : but in vaine escapes he who drawes his punishment after him . For he being one day in a Tennis Court , was earnestly noated by some of the Provosts men , who were going to play , which exceedingly daunted him : yet without seeming to feare or suspect any thing , he passed by them ; but the Officers presently following him , saw him enter into a house where a yong Wench dwelt , whom he had debaucht , and and at that time maintained : whereupon , they besetting the house , and one of them knocking at the doore , hee himselfe came to the Window , and demanded their businesse , ( although hee too well knew their intent : ) the Officers , without using many words , began to break open the doore ; when little Iames on the other side , arming himselfe with a fierce resolution , foreseeing that he could not escape death , resolved to sell his life at a deare rate , and to that end he barricadoed himselfe within the house , turning the Table and Stooles topsie turvie against the doore . The newes being spread that little Iames was within the house , made diverse people flock together to see the issue ; among others , many of the Guard hastned thither , and endeavoured by Ladders to enter through the Window ; but Little Iames having charged two Pistols and two Muskets with them , watching his opportunity , when their thoughts were at the highest , humbled eleven of them to the ground : his Wench at the same time charging as fast as hee discharged : and by that last office , testified the greatnesse of her courage and affection . As for him he was so animated with rage and dispaire , that he often thrust out his head at the Window , endeavouring to hasten his assured death , by the honourable blow of some Musket , to eescape the dis-honour of the Gallowes . The people assembled more and more , and about an hundred persons had now encompassed the House , armed with Muskets , Pikes , and Halberds : little Iames , after he had discharged divers shot , at last fell into a scarcity of Bullets , which being perceived , some mounted upon the Ladders , whilst others broke open the doores : every one admired the desperate stoutnesse of this Theefe , in resisting so many people : but hee resisted in vain , for his houre was then come ; yet would he not for a long time yeeld himselfe , but would have killed himselfe , had not his Wench hindred him : at length , the multitude entring he was forced to yeeld to the fury of the people , who drag'd him to prison , where hee lay not long before hee was condemned to bee broken on the Wheele . The day of his death being spread abroad , caused a multitude of people to be assembled in the place of execution ; every one wondring to see one so yong to have perpetrated halfe so many villanies . Some pittied his youth ; others rejoyced to see him cut off so timely : as for me , I must confesse I was not a jot moved with pitty , but was glad to see him punished according to his deserts . Behold here , the Life and death of this notorious Rogue ; whereby it may be considered , how much it behooves Parents to chastise their children in their youth , and not to suffer them to live in too great a liberty . CHAP. XI . The Story of Pallioly and his Choake-peare . WE may compare youth to a young twigge , whose tendernesse yeelds to the least motion , and is easily bended either to the right or left hand ; being made fruitful or barren , according to the industry or negligence of the Owner . So is it with youth , if he once findes the path of vertue by the care of his Parents , he may be made continue and increase in the same : but contrary acts produce contrary effects : and wee cannot expect a greater comfort and joy from those that are vertuous , then sorrow and griefe from those that continue in a vicious course of life . I would therefore advise all Parents and Guardians , to be exceeding carefull and wary in the education of their Children ; especially to beware of the poyson of ill example ; not suffering them to frequent the company of such as are debaucht : for we naturally follow , with eagernes , those actions which we see authorized by former presidents . Pallioly was a pretty well favoured youth , a fit lodging to entertaine vertue , as no doubt he would have done , had not the over fond affection of his Father , permitted him to make choice of those courses which are most opposite to vertue , and best pleasing our sensuall appetites and inclination . His ingenuity was such that had he beene trained up vertuously , his wisdome might have made him as famous as his wit , wrongly imployed , hath now made him infamous : he was borne neere unto Tholouse , where he remained not long , but out of a vaine curiosity , and curious vanity , he first ( forsaking his earthly father , that hee might the better forget his heavenly , ) betook himselfe towards Paris , where he abode not long , before his riot and excesse had wholly emptied his Purse of coyne ; and his wits being quickned by necessity , he studied to supply his want by this following device . Hee first makes a paire of hands of Wax , and fastens them to his shoulders so artificially , that he could when he pleased put them through his Cloak : with these hee goes to the Church of S. Mederic , where he understood that a great concourse of people would that day be , by reason of a learned Man that then intended to preach : being come into the Church , hee espies a Gentlewoman with a silver Watch by her side , who was praying in the body of the Church among many others , who every minute expected the Preachers comming out of the Chancell : by her he kneeles , placing a Book on these his artificiall hands , and seemes to fix his eyes on both : The Gentlewoman wonders at his rudenesse , in comming so neere her , and conceives it to be only want of breeding in him : she casts her eyes on him , and sees him with a Book in his hand and praying : modesty permitted her to look , but not too earnestly to gaze on him ; she therefore without mistrust holds on her devotion , and he his ; she hers to God , and he his to the Devill , as appeared by the sequell ; for while she at the elevation of the Host bowes downe to the ground , and in humility kisseth it , he nips off the Watch ; and having likewise hypocritically kissed the ground , departed . Not long after , he goes to a Smith of his acquaintance , a very skilfull man in his Trade , and one wholly at his beck , and gives him instruction how to make a kinde of Instrument , in the likenesse of a little Bowle ; which by the helpe of small springs within it , might open and inlarge it selfe ; so that being clapt into a mans mouth it could not be removed without the Key purposely made to that end : this being finished according to his minde , and brought unto him , he termed a Choke-peare ; he might have termed it a Devils Peare , for never was there a worse tasted fruit . Eridas a rich Citizen , dwelling about the Royall Exchange , was the first who made triall how hard this Peare was of digestion ; for Pallioly knowing , by common report , that he was rich , chose out his opportunity when all his houshold servants were busied in country affaires , and none at home with him but one Lackey ; and then being accompanied with three or foure such spend-thrifs , as himselfe , he came to the house , and boldly desired to speake with Eridas ; the Lackey supposing them to have been Gentlemen of worth , by reason of their decent apparell , went unto his Master , and told him that there were some Gentlemen below that desired to speake with him : but Eridas comming unto them , and desiring to know their pleasure , was taken aside by Pallioly , who in no lesse brief then rough terms , told him , that they were poore Souldiers pinched by poverty , whose wants must be releeved by his excesse , that it was needlesse for him to endeavour resistance , for nothing should satisfie him but money , and of that , no small quantity : Eridas ( who loved his money as his life , and nothing so well as his life but money , being loth to lose either , and fearing the losse of both , ) began to cry for helpe ; but at the instant one of them griping him by the throat , made him so gape for breath , that it was no hard matter for the other to give him the Peare ; which being entred , his mouth opened so wide , that he was forced by reason of sharp points of iron which were on each side of the Peare , to gape as wide ( in expectation of ease ) as possibly he could . Thus remained poore Eridas like a Statue , not being able to speak a word , or expresse his griefe , but by signes , whiles they having taken the Keyes out of his pocket , furnished themselves with money , and so departed . Eridas being rid of his guests , would willingly be rid of his torment to : he to that end goes unto his neighbours with a wide mouth , & endeavours to expresse by his signes , what he was not able to utter in words : they are ready to laugh at his action , before they know the cause of his sorrow ▪ but finding by his signes and other circumstances , in what intollerable torment he then was , they seeke to excuse their former ignorance of his paine , by diligent endeavouring his ease : but when neither their Will , or Art , could invent a means to ease him , there comes a Porter with a Letter ( and therein a small Key inclosed ) written to this effect : Sir , THat you may perceive how tender I am of your welfare and how farre from desiring your death , I have here inclosed , sent you a key , wherewith you may open the instrument in your mouth ; I know it hath put you to some torment , yet I pray you judge charitably of the cause , and conceive that I remaine your well-wishing servant . Not long after , he tooke abroad with him a youth ( that was not as then become free , nor throughly experienced in his profession ) and walked with him to the Market-house , where he perceived a plaine Countrey-fellow sitting in a corner of the street , compassed about with divers pots , whereof some were full of rare Fruits , and others emptied by sale : Pallioly taking notice of it , and espying the fellows purse , indifferently well stufft , hanging about his neck and put into his bosome , he commands the Boy to fetch him that purse if he would be admitted as free of his Society : the Boy thinkes the purse is in too safe keeping for him to compasse it , he therefore flatly refuseth to fetch it , as a thing impossible to be done , without being perceived ; whereupon Pallioly bids him learne of him , and without farther delay goes to the fellow , and tels him some thorn had fallen in betweene his shirt and his back , and desired his help to pull it out , for that it much troubled him , and so bowed himselfe downewards ; the country man in the meane time puts his hand in at his choller , and while he seekes to finde the straw that so troubled him , Pallioly cuts his Purse , and takes his leave with thanks . The Boy being encouraged by his good successe , shortly after endeavoured the like exploit ; but being caught in the action , was so soundly beaten , that hee was scarce able to returne home : at length , Pallioly having committed divers the like thefts , was constrained , for safety of his life , to flye his country ; and after a long exile , was killed with a Musket-shot , being too good a punishment for his many mischiefs . CHAP. XII . The wicked Servant . IN the City of Paris there dwelt a Citizen named Melander , a man both honest and rich ; two qualities seldome meeting in one and the same person : amongst other good qualities wherein hee excelled , he was a great Architect , and much sought after for his skill therein : This man had a servant which was married named Alexis , a rude and surely fellow , whom his master Melander , for the space of six yeres , retained in his service , in regard of his skill in the same Art : The great love and favour which his master bare towards him , puffed him with the wind of pride and Ambition , which did so powerfully reign in him , that despising the due respect wherein he was obliged towards his master , he contrived his ruine in this manner . Melander had a house neer Paris , wherein he sometimes recreated himselfe for the space of sixe weekes together ; Alexis who was married and had many children , mooved with a covetous desire , resolved to rob his Master of what was most precious in it : but as often as this thought presented it selfe , so often did he reject it , because hee knew not how , safely to contrive the execution of so bold and bloody an enterprize , untill that having , by the Devills entisement , associated himself with some of the most notorious Rogues in Paris , he intreated them to meet at a place by him appointed , where hee would open unto them a matter that might conduce both to their owne profit and his : These Rogues hearing him thus speake , promised not to faile meeting him at the time and place appointed ; where meeting to the number of 5 , ( one whereof was a Tapster , another a Mason , and the other three neerely allyed ) They being set at dinner , and having drunk till their brains were well heated , Alexis thus began to discover unto them his intended plot , saying ; Sirs , I have a Master both rich and wealthy , and methinks , seeing that we are poore , we may finde a means by him to raise our fortunes , by secretly murthering him and seazing on his goods and money : these words being heard by his Companions , some approved his councell , others disliked it ; but at last it was concluded betweene them , that Alexis should bee chiefe conductor in the enterprize , as being best acquainted in the house , and that the other five should obey what hee commanded : whereupon one of the five , upon the set day , brought a Boat down the River to carry away the booty ( for the House of Melander was seated neere the River ) and fastned it to the bankside ; hee came by night with his companions led by Alexis to the said house of Melander , who was at that time there , it being the time of Vintage . When they were all come to the doore , Alexis knocked and the servant ( in regard it was late ) demanded who was there , but hearing Alexis answer , and knowing his voice , shee misdoubting no cause of feare , presently opened it ; yet was she much perplexed when she saw five others enter with him at so unseasonable a time . No sooner were they entred but they killed this servant , not giving her so much time as to crave helpe either of God or man. They having thus begun , Alexis in a furious haste leadeth them up into a Chamber , where Melander meets them , and demands of Alexis what furie had so farr transported him as to make such a ransacking of his house ; To which Alexis ( having his eyes and eares shut from the respect which he owed unto his Master ) answered , that he was resolved to kill him , and that therefore he should recommend himselfe to God : Melander in this extremity knew not what to doe , but being resolved , in his old age , to sell his life to them at a deare rate , he suddenly endeavoured to seize upon an Halbert which was at his beds head ; but Alexis with his Companions , to prevent it , rushed upon him , and gave him 20. or 30. blows with Clubs , wherewith they dasht out his brains : behold these barbarous cruelties committed by a servant ; yet that which followeth seemes inhumane . Melander brought with him into the same house one of his daughters , exceeding fair , to looke unto his houshold-affaires : this maid was mariageable , and might have been well matched , had not the cruelty of these Rogues cut the threed of her life : Shee lay in the next Chamber to that of Melander , when hearing the out-cry of her Father , she hid her selfe betweene the bed and the wall , thinking so to avoid her insuing death : Alexis notwithstanding ( who was well acquainted with every corner of the House , ) having slaine Melander , came into the maids chamber , and having espied her , commanded his Companions to draw her forth , who held her whilest he like a bruit beast , ravisht her ; and not content with this , hee caused his Companions to doe the like . To expresse this action fully , and the lamentable meanes she made , seeing her selfe brought into this so miserable estate , requires the Pen of one more eloquent . These her lamentations might have broken an heart of Adamant , but it was so farre from molifying of theirs , that they proceeded yet further ; for without compassion of her tender age , beauty , or Sex , they there bereaved her of her life . Then Alexis being thus master of the House , caused the doors to be barricadoed , and so fell to ransaking and rifling the whole house , preparing themselvs to be gone the next night : they spent the next day in jollity and mirth ; but night being come , they having loaded the Boat with the best housholdstuffe , and themselves with money , in all , to the value of two thousand pounds , they about midnight departed , not being perceived of any ; which made Alexis confident of his safety : but God , who seeth both things past , things present , and things to come , would not permit so impious an act to scape undiscovered ; it being in vaine for humane wisdome to thinke to avoide the irrevocable Decree of the Almighty . Two dayes passed wherein was no news of Melander , the Vine-dressers wondred to find no body at his house , which made one of them goe to Paris to see whether hee were not there ; where meeting with Alexis ( who now lay rioting and swaggering in Taverns ) he asked him for his Master , at which demand he seem'd to wonder , saying , That hee supposed to have found him at his Countrey-house , and as if he had been much troubled at the news ; he suddenly forsook his company and hastened towards the house of Melander , where he with foure or five others ( having for a long time knocked at the doore , and no body answering ) broke into the house , where , upon their first entrance , they found the maid ( stretched forth ) dead upon the floore , whereat they were amazed , but Alexis chiefly seemed to take on , crying out that there had been theeves in the house : thence they ascended up into the chamber , where they found Melander likewise murdered : Then did Alexis fall down and kisse the corps of his dead master ; saying , Alas , alas , What doe mine eyes behold ! Is it you my deare master that are so miserably murdered , whilest I by my too long absence could not yeeld thee succour ? Ah miserable and unfortunate Alexis , How great is this dayes losse ? Thou hast lost all thy support and fortune , on which thou hast grounded the anchor of thy hopes ; thou hast lost that which thou hast most affected ; and to be short , thou hast lost thy most kinde and dearly beloved master . O God , thou revenger of murder , punish this crime , and suffer not the authours to lie concealed . He spake this with so cunning a dissimulation , that those who were present , seeing his Crocodiles-teares , beleeved that those bewailing lamentations proceeded from his sincere love , and extreme affection . Then searching the rest of the chambers , they found the poore daughter of Melander likewise massacred , whereat he again powred forth a torrent of teares , perswading the standers by that his griefes were much increased by this wofull spectacle . The bruit and rumour of this massacre was quickly spread abroad , which caused a great concourse of people to come see so bloudy and seldome heard of tragedie : Alexis in the meane time remaines in the house as master of the same ; receives all those that come to see it , and by his unusuall sadnesse , endeavours to cloke his treachery , and to make it an argument of his fidelity ; but some wiser then others , prying further into this busines , began not onely to doubt of his fidelity , but secretly seemed to accuse him to be authour of the murder ; some said that those teares were but fained , and that so many sobs and sighs in a meere servant , no way allied unto him , could not proceed but from a deep dissimulation : others excused him , and said , that Alexis having for a long time been in the service of Melander , with hope by him to better his fortune , had just cause exceedingly to grieve at this losse so disadvantagious to his good ; but among all , some pleaded so strongly against him , that he was by their advice seized upon and imprisoned ; at which he being much astonished , called the heavens to be witnesses , and revengers of their tyrannie ; vowing that he had never the least thought of so barbarous a cruelty ; but they notwithstanding having imprisoned him , prepared his enditement , and made diligent enquiry where and how he had spent the last two dayes ; but the murderers had so secretly managed their affairs , that no man could depose any thing against them , God onely and their own consciences accusing them , so that the prisoner was for that time set at liberty . He was no sooner dismist , but he began to blaze abroad his innocencie , and accuse them who had imprisoned him of injustice : six moneths were already past wherein this crime was as it were smothered in silence , and buried in oblivion , and the murderers were confident that it would be no more questioned ; but they were much deceived in their opinion , for not long after , foure of the said murderers ( which were the Father , sonne , sonne in law , and a Mason , as we have said ) met in a certain village neere Paris , and being willing to renew their ancient leagues , they went to the next Taverne , where they began to carouse and be merry ; but as they were in the midst of their mirth , there came ten or twelve of the Marshalls men , who being wearied ( with some pursuit which they had made ) came by chance to refresh themselves to the same place ; and being entred , they put off their coats , meaning to sit down at the end of the same table ; then the marks of their office appearing , put these cruell confederates in such a feare , as if a thunderbolt had fallen among them ; and all their bold mirth is now turned into whispering , and their joy into sorrow , they are hungry but cannot eat , and a cold trembling so possesseth them thorowout , that they seeme rather dead then alive , imagining these men pursued no other but themselves . These officers called for wine , and intended onely their owne recreation , meaning nothing against them ; but they much wondred that upon the sudden those that sate neere them had taken their flight , and left their wine and meat on the table , departing without paying the shot . All which the officers well noting , demanded of the Host , what was the cause of their sudden flight ; to which the Host said , that he could not chuse but much wonder thereat , and told them what kinde of people they were , and how well furnished with money , being formerly very poore and needy people . Then the officers consulted together , and concluded that there was something more then ordinary in the matter , and that these men ( their consciences accusing them of some offence by them committed ) and fearing them as officers , had taken their flight , and that it was requisite they should be pursued ; which being resolved on , they presently put in execution : and parting themselves , some one way , and some another , by their diligence and speed overtook them , they then stayed them in the Kings Name , and perswading them to confesse the cause of their flight , they told them that if they would not by fair meanes , they would constraine them by force , and thereupon took the eldest of them and gave him the Strapado , which made the old fellow quickly confesse that they had all foure deserved death , namely , by the murdering of Melander : at the which his companions grew inraged , he with the rest having before resolved to endure all the tortures that could be inflicted upon them , rather then they would confesse : moreover , the said old man confessed that he had been the cause of the deaths of threescore persons , whom he at severall times taking into his barge , under pretence of passing them over the River , had tied stones about their necks , and having so drowned them , at night took them up , and so stripped them : he moreover related unto them , that he had one day most wickedly killed a boy about the age of seventeen yeers , who had no more then twelve pence about him , and that of all the thefts and murders he had committed , he had never grieved but for that , as being the cause of the death of one of the most comely and hopefull young men that ever he saw . Alexis having notice of their taking , ( for it is to be noted , that of foure which were pursued , one escaped , and advised Alexis and his companion , who was a Mason , to take their flight ) Alexis fled into England , and the Mason into Touraine , where we will anon overtake them . The officers having thus done their devoire , led the offenders unto Paris , where they were condemned first to have their hands cut off , and their bodies to be broken on the wheele before the house of Melander , which was performed in the sight of a multitude of people . One of those ( which were thus broken ) confessed , that he was accustomed in the woods neer Paris , to strangle the passengers with a cord , which he for that purpose carried about him ; and that when any demanded of him whither he went , he would answer , he went to buy a calf , shewing unto them the cord . We will now return to our Renegadoes ; he which was at Tours , having escaped the danger which threatned him , had changed his name , and lived by his trade , being welcome among others of the same profession in those parts , by reason of his great skill therein : he being at length become amorous of a young maid in the countrey , by the consent of her parents married her : Behold him at the height of his desires ; but yet so troubled in his conscience , that he could not rest , for the bloud of those innocent souls , which he had shed , ceased not to cry for vengeance : but the mischiefs which troubled him , happened chiefly , in that he ( either in malice or jollity ) so charmed the Cod-peece-point of one of his neighbours , that he could not make use of his own wife , which being done , he came about three or foure dayes after unto the married man , and told him that he partly knew that his point had been knit with a charming knot , and that if he would give him a reasonable reward , he would untie it : The man who desired nothing more then to be freed of this infirmity , yet without thinking that the Mason had charmed it , promised to give him twenty shillings in present , and twenty shillings more when he was eased thereof ; of he received the twenty shillings , and his neighbour being cured , he demanded of him the other twenty shillings according to promise ; who then called him Sorcerer , and told him that he was a Witch , and had bewitched him , and deserved to be burnt ; the Mason not being able to beare such language , called him in question for scandalizing his reputation . The Judges having seriously considered the matter , by a common consent agreed that hee was the sole cause whence proceeded this evill ; which being after a sort prooved ( for that about ten dayes after the marriage , the said Mason had publikely bragged unto some that hee had done it , which was prooved against him ) he was condemned to be whipt through the Market-place and then banished ; which to avoid , he presently appeales to the Parliament of Paris , whither he was sent , and where hee found his death : The time being come wherein he must be recompensed according to his merit ; for being come to Paris , he is heard of by some of the inhabitants of the said Village , who presently gave notice and advertised the heires of Melander , who so eagerly pursued him , that by the deposition of the former witnesses , he was forced to confesse the deed , and so was judged to the same punishment as his companions , which last Execution was done , in the yeere 1616. five yeeres after the murder of Melander . There remaines now onely Alexis who passing by Calis , it happened ( as theeves cannot forbeare misdoing ) that he entred the house of a rich Merchant , and stole from him a great summe of money , while he was at Masse : he is thereupon taken , and condemned to be hanged . Thus were they ( by the Divine justice ) deservedly put to death , who so cruelly had murdered Melander . CHAP. XIII . The dangerous adventures , and miraculous escapes of Colyrias . COlyrias was descended of a good family in Guien , and of a father whose vertue might have been a paterne unto him in his actions , had he not been withdrawne by the over-commanding power of the destinies . This young man ( his father being dead ) was committed to the tuition of his Vncle ; who slacking the severity which at first he shewed , soone after permitted him to follow his licentious desires , as do most Tutors and Guardians of children in these dayes ; they are forward to receive the benefit of their place , but backward to performe the duty . This is the bane of youth , when Parents are too indulgent to their children , and Tutors or Guardians to their charge , suffering them freely to exercise whatsoever is dictated unto them by the pravity of their owne dispositions . Colyrias was of such a gadding humor , that he resolved ( without his Vncles consent ) to make a Voyage towards Bourdeaux ; and for that purpose pilfred from his Vncle a round sum of money , and therewith privily departed : He had not sojourned there long , but he was taken with a desire of seeing Paris , but before he arived there , hee took up his lodging in a Town , seated upon the Loire , at an Inne , the Host whereof prooved a meere Cut-throat : here Colyrias with two others , by him accidentally met , having supped together , were conducted all to one Chamber where were three Beds ; every one makes choise of his owne , and having lockt the Chamber doore , they all betooke them to their rest : But the Host having a secret doore which entred into the same chamber , about midnight , when he thought that a deepe sleepe had seazed upon their senses , softly entred , and comming into their chamber approached their beds ; Colyrias being by chance awake , saw them passing along the midst of the chamber , and at length staying at the next bed , which made him jealous that they had some attempt against their lives : hee therefore began by snorting , to make shew that hee was in a deepe sleepe , although hee were indeed much perplexed with the apprehension of an ensuing mischiefe . The Host having visited the bed of his companions , came and handled his flesh also ; and having so done , hee heard them say , that his flesh was but tough , and that the other two would proove daintie meat , they then went to the others beds , and ( like bloudy miscreants ) miserablie killed the companions of Colyrias ; whereat hee was so amazed , that hee knew not what course to take , for hee expected the same entertainment , as had his poore companions ; yet beyond his thought was the Host more mercifull to him , then unto the others , for having disposed of the bodies of his companions , he came unto him , and having taken away from him his moneys , which amounted to twenty pounds and upwards , causing him to arise , he conducted him thorow a gallery , wherein he had made a trap , in the forme of a draw-bridge , which by the meanes of a barre of iron fastened under , it would rise and fall with the least weight that came upon it ; Colyrias being come upon it , immediatly fell down into an unfrequented street , where while he with teares lamented his hard misfortunes , two theeves perceiving him , demanded of him the cause of his complaints , whereupon he declared unto them all his former accidents , whereunto they answered , that ill fortune indeed had given him just cause of sorrow ; but that patience ought to serve him as a buckler against so many miseries ; and that they so much pitied him , that if he would he should participate of their better fortunes : upon this promise he followed them , little thinking that he had fallen out of the frying pan into the fire ; but being come into the next street , they there for a time stayed , expecting an opportunity to take some booty , they then going up another street , came unto a well , where one of them , desirous to quench his thirst , found that the buckets were wanting , which made him intreat Colyrias to descend into the well for water ; but he fearing that they would play some scurvy trick with him , at first refused ; yet at length , constrained by their earnest intreaties , he adventured it : he was no sooner down , but the watch appeared in sight of his companions , whereupon they forsaking the rope by which Colyrias held , fled ; so that had it not been that Colyrias had taken footing upon a stone , which jutted forth of the side of the well , he had there perished : as soon as the watch came unto the well , one of the companie being desirous likewise to quench his thirst ( it being in the heat of Summer ) thinking that the bucket had been in the bottome of the water , began to draw at the rope ; Colyrias ( thinking that his companions had drawn ) according to their promise , seazing upon the rope , was by little and little lifted up ; but he finding the weight heavier then was usuall , called unto his companions for help ; saying , That surely there was something more then water in the bucket ; at length , by their united forces , they drew up Colyrias ; when they saw him appear at the top of the Well , they being terrified , ranne away as if the Devill had been at their heels , so suddenly loosing their hold of the rope , that if he had not cast his hand quickly upon the mouth of the Well , he could not have escaped the danger of tumbling in again . It happened that about four or five dayes before the arrivall of Colyrias , that the Bishop of the Diocesse being dead , was buried with a Ring and rich Crosier staff in the presence of these his companions , which made them earnestly desire by some plot or other to steal them : and to that end desired the assistance of Colyrias , whereunto , though unwilling , he was constrained to give his consent : they then came unto the Church door , which being opened by Picklocks , they entred , shewing him the Tombe , and threatening him with death if he refused to go in , or failed to bring unto them the Ring and Crosier : whereupon , they having with iron-crows , and other instruments , lifted up the stone of the vault , he entred ; and putting his hands upon the Coffin , pulled up the planck that covered him , and taking the Crosier and Ring away , he came unto his companions , and told them , that as for the Crosier , he had brought it ; but as for the Ring , it was not to be found in the Coffin ; thinking by this means to keep the Ring for himself : but they , who had been at the Bishops Funerall , and knew assuredly that the Ring was inclosed in the Coffin , so threatened Colyrias , that he was constrained to go into the Vault the second time ; where , making as if he searched farther , and having told them , that certainly it was not there , they forthwith let fall the stone , and buried him in the sepulchre with the Corps of the dead Bishop ; Colyrias had already escaped two imminent dangers , but now thought assuredly , he should never escape the third , but that he should perish in the vault . Whilest he was in this great perplexitie , there came two Priests , who being possessed with the sacrilegious desire of robbing the Bishops sepulchre , lifted up the stone , and one of them being about to enter , Colyrias caught hold of his legs , who imagining that the dead Bishop was revived , and had caught him by the legs , being filled with fear and amazement , he strived to withdraw his legs , and so drew our Colyrias , who imagining his conceit , ranne after him to the place where he entred , and got forth , and having escaped out of the Church , he hasted out of the town with the Ring , that was worth two hundred crowns , so that he returned home with some recompence for the many dangers and miseries that he had already suffered . CHAP. XIV . One often cheated . IN the yeer 1615. there was in the town of Amiens , a young man whose name was DORILIS , who forsook his Parents by reason of some private quarrels which he had with his Brethren , but before his departure , he stole out of his fathers Cabinet , the summe of twenty pounds and upwards ; and having so done , went towards Paris , but as he travelled , he overtook a Merchant that went to the fair of St Germain , with whom he kept company untill they came unto their journeys end ; but they there leaving one the other , took up their severall lodgings . This Dorilis being of a sottish and stupid nature , and little acquainted with the crafts and subtilties of the world , being newly arrived at the Citie , went from street to street to view the excellencie of the buildings and other rarities : his gazing about made him soon taken notice of by some Cheaters , who as soon as they saw him , judged it an easie matter to entrap him ; one of them to that end comes towards him with a great Packet , with this superscription ; Let this be delivered with trust to the Ladie Robecour , dwelling at Aberis , &c. And having delivered unto him this Packet , he earnestly intreated him to tell him to whom it was directed , signifying that is was his chance to finde it , and that there was somewhat inclosed in the same . Dorilis , who could not dive into the depth of this mistery , read the superscription , and at the request of him , who delivered him the Packet , openeth it ; and therein findes a small chain of gold , with these words ; Madam , HAving by your Letters , understood of the happy successe of your marriage , and that you have so soon perfected so good a work ; it would have seemed that I had not participated of your joy , if I should not have testified it with this chain , it is but of small value in respect of your merits , it cost onely fifty crowns , this is a small gift in comparison of that which my affection would have offered . Neverthelesse oblige me with your acceptation , and I shall truly rest Your Kinsman A. de Robecour . Dorilis having read this Letter , wished to have been so fortunate , as to have found it ; whereunto the other answered , that if he had a liking unto the chain , he should have it upon reasonable tearms , what it cost appeareth by the Letter , and therefore in regard it was not fit for his wearing , he would part with it for the one half that it cost : at length Dorilis after some arguing gave him ten crowns for it . This first encounter was but a forewarning of his future mishap ; He neverthelesse , not suspecting any deceit , blessed the houre wherein hee lighted upon this good fortune : not long after , as hee was passing thorow the Faire , he espied some gamesters playing at Dice , whereupon he drew towards them , and desired to bee halfe with one of them that played , whereby hee quickly gained a Noble ; this provoked Dorilis to play for himselfe , thinking thereby to better his fortune : but these two Cheaters ( who had at the beginning fained themselves to be strangers one to the other ) having perceived that he setled himself to play , handled their false Dice so cunningly , that they suddenly gained from him three pounds , and had without doubt got more , if the earnest desire of seeing the Faire had not withdrawne him . Thence Dorilis proceeded farther into the Fair , when he ( according to his rude custome ) gazing about him , espied a Lottery ; whereunto he drew neer , and beheld the Adventurers ; where being noted by some Cheaters , who had complotted with the Master to be permitted to gain when they would , he was by one of them intreated to participate with him in this Adventure , which after Dorilis ( fearing again to be cheated ) refused , upon this answer , the Cheater having drawn , openeth the Billet , and findeth therein a silver Bason ; which he having received of the Master of the Lottery , shewed to Dorilis , reproaching him for refusing to be halfes with him in the Lot , and so to have gained the one half of the Ewer , whereupon ▪ Dorilis induced by this mans imaginary gain , begins to draw Lots , and ceased not untill he had emptied his purse of twentie crowns , and yet received not the worth of twentie pence , notwithstanding all this , he was not any whit dejected , being confident that his Gold chain would make him a saver . After he had beene in divers parts of Paris , and had seene all that which was most worthy of note in the city , he returned unto his Inne , where he no sooner entred , but he perceived that he had lost his purse : then did the long way which he had to go , the hazards of sicknesse which he might fall into , and a thousand other misfortunes came into his minde , yet did the finding of his chain in the other pocket , in part qualifie the extremity of his griefe , but Fortune had destinated him more crosses : For as he was in the Inne bemoaning his misfortunes , a Cheater , that was in the next chamber , hearing him , came , and seeming to pitie him , perswaded him by any meanes not to suffer griefe to have the predomination ; telling him that teares were but in vaine , since they could not redeem that which was already lost , and promising to him if occasion required , the assistance both of his purse and person ; and using many other good words , perswaded Dorilis to Suppe with him , which hee condiscended unto ; so that Supper being ended , when he expected that he who had invited him would have paid for his Supper , he upon the sudden found his friend departed ( who under pretence of going to make water had left him ) and having long expected his returne in vaine , his former losses made him jealous of his Cloke , which he searching for found wanting : Now was his onely hope in his chaine of Gold ; but that being offered as a Gage for his expences , was rejected as counterfeit : then was hee wholly oppressed with sorrow , but not without just cause , for he on the morrow was constrained to exchange his rich apparell for farre meaner , thereby to discharge his former expences , which made him ( like the prodigall sonne ) to returne home something wiser , but farre poorer then when he forsooke his father . CHAP. XV. A strange Robbery of a Merchants Shop . IN the Country of Burgoin there lived one named Rapigny , who from his youth made a practise of Theeving , for which he had been often questioned : But this interior appetite of Robbing had so possest him , that he forsooke his Countrey of Burgundy to goe unto Paris , where hee thought hee might with more safety exercise his slights ; during his abode there , he committed so many robberies , that his name became dreadfull to the citizens , and their whole discourse was of his notorious deceits ; few of the city had seene him , his common walkes being in the night , and those that did see him , did little think that he whom they saw , was the man of whom they so much talked . One day being desirous to put one of his inventions in practise , He being like a Tradesman apparelled , came unto a rich Merchant named Syriander , and told him that he understood that he returned much ware into the Countie of Burgundie to one Master Vernon , a man with whom hee was well acquainted ; wherefore he ( having fained that hee had a Trunk full of Commodities to send to the same man ) signified that he should be much obliged unto him , if hee would bee pleased to convay his also thither , whereunto this Merchant ( little mistrusting his quality ) condiscended . Rapignus having thus farre proceeded , caused a Trunk to bee brought unto him so cunningly contrived , that it might bee easily unlocked by one within ; he therefore causeth a little boy ( an Apprentice in his theeving trade ) to be put within it , and having charged him upon his life not to speake or make any noise in the Trunk , but about mid-night to come foorth , and having opened the shop doores , to give entrance to his companions , he locked him therein ; and having so done , he caused this Trunk to be brought to the house of Syriander , who not doubting of what was inclosed therein , received it , and placed it in his shop . Evening was already past , and night , the favourer of theeves , had with her black mantle overspread the earth , when this young Boy ( perceiving by the quietnesse of all things , that the houshold servants were long before retired , and therefore in all likelihood in a deep sleep ) gently opened the Trunk wherein he was inclosed , but comming to the door found not the key therein as he expected , at which being much perplexed , he was about to give over his enterprize , and to retire into his shell ; but he at length bethought himself of opening the shop windows , which he performed with much dexterity , none awaking at the noise ; and having let in his companions , who there attended him , every one furnished himself with a parcell of the best wares in the shop , and so departed . The theft was soon found out , but it could not be known who the Actours were till four yeers after , one of them being to be executed at the Greave for some other robberies , confessed the fact , and discovered his companions , who were served in the same kinde . CHAP. XVI . The cunning escape of a Cheater out of prison . IT is not long since a theef was brought into the Bishops Prison in Paris , who had committed divers robberies , among the rest , he had ( but 15. dayes before ) stollen to the value of 100l. in jewels , from a Goldsmith , for the cōpassing wherof , he practised this ensuing device . He had formerly taken notice that there was in this Goldsmiths shop a small casket of Rings , and Diamonds , which he much desired the fingering of , but being barren a long time of any invention , whereby he might gain it , at last he went unto a Joyner , to whom hee gave directions for the making of a casket like unto that which the Goldsmith had ; which being made according to his minde , he one day having perceived that there was at that time in the house but one servant , and a little boy , son to the Goldsmith , entred into the shop carrying this Box under his cloke ; when he came in , he desired them to shew him choice of Rings , whereupon the patern of this new casket was presently fetcht , but he perceiving that he could not easily bring to passe his intended project whilest that both of them were in the shop , he delivered the boy a piece of gold to change , and in the mean time causing the Box to be opened , he cheapened the Rings ; and seeming to mislike of the price , he desireth the servant to shew him others , but whilest he turned his back to fetch them , this fellow taking his opportunity , suddenly exchanged Boxes , putting his Box in the place of the other ; then faining that he could not tarry to look upon the other Rings , in regard he promised to give a friend the meeting where he knew he was by that time expected ; he desired the Apprentice to keep the money ( which the other was not yet come with ) till he came again , and so departed : But he joyned not long in this cheat , but within fifteen dayes after was taken , and had no doubt at that time been executed , had he not had some extraordinary means to escape ; as thus , he sent a boy to one in the city , an Abettour of his stollen goods , to entreat him that he would make for him an Hare-Pie , and accompany him at the eating of it , which he ( mindfull of his former familiarity ) performed ; and having brought it to the Jayle , where his friend was , did there sup with him & the Jaylor . Having supped , his friend called him aside , and told him that the cause of bespeaking this Pie , was to prevent any mistrust which the Jayler might have had , had he not seen this ; he having so said , proceeded to a second request , which was to work his delivery out of this place , by a plot which hee would suggest ; whereunto this Citizen promising his best endeavour , he signified unto him that the only way for his escape , was by sending unto him another Pie made like the former , where in stead of flesh , should put a long rope , and some Picklock instruments ; which being made , and sent according to his appointment , he opened it , and taking forth the things inclosed , made so good use of them , that hee the same night escaped ; but having escaped , hee was the same night apprehended , for a robbery suddenly committed after his departure out of prison , and being brought to the same place , was shortly after , for this and his former robberies , executed . CHAP. XVII . A Theefe caught in a trap . A Certain Gentleman of Poictiers , named Morindor , came to Paris about the dispatch of some busines of importance , which he had at Court ; and had brought with him store of moneys , as well to discharge the expences of his journey , as also to disburse for other particular occasions , where being arrived , another gentleman of his Countrey sent unto him , by an expresse messenger , to intreat him that he would be very carefull of a great suit which he had then depending in the great Chamber . Morindor , who would not disoblige his friend , tooke this cause in hand ; and although he were somewhat hindered by his own particular occasions , he notwithstanding ceased not to sollicite in his friends behalfe : but whilest he passed and repassed thorow the Palace , and that he thus sollicited , both for his own and friends right , he was perceived by two Cutpurses , who resolved among themselves , upon the first opportunity , to shew him a trick of their activity ; and to that end , they divers times drew neer him , but durst not adventure , a hand into his pocket , by reason that he knowing that the Palace was alwayes frequented by such a base crew , was very circumspect to avoid all such mischievous accidents : but the subtilty and sleight of these Cutpurses , surpassing his care and diligence , he was at length surprised , for he being one day in a throng in the great Chamber , was rudely thrust by these fellowes , and while hee looked about to see whence that thrusting and violent motion proceeded , one of them thrust his hand into his pocket , and stole thence his purse , which hee knew not till two houres after , when he ( intending to have paid for some bookes , which he had bought in the Gallerie of Booke-sellers ) missed it ; but could not on the sudden guesse at what time hee was so robbed by them , what in this case to doe hee knew not ; nature had indued him with more wit then to chafe & fume at that he could not remedy , or by impatience , for loosing a little , to injure him who gave him all . At last ( he being well acquainted with the craftinesse of the times ) he resolved to be revenged , wherfore he being willing to requite them , went to a Smith , of whom he bespake a springe to put into his pocket which might shut of it selfe , and suddenly catch whatsoever touched it : The Smith , being thorowly experienced in his Art , made him one of the fairest , and most ingenious pieces that could be devised , and that with such Art and cunning , that it far exceeded the manner of Morindors expression ; who having contented the Smith , caused it to be placed in the same pocket from whence his purse was stollen ; & having so done , he walked in the Palace foure dayes , but on the fift day , he viewing the portraictures of the kings which are upon the Pillars in the Hall , was perceived by the same cutpurse ; who incouraged by the easinesse of his first purchase , he resolved to adventure again , then drawing neere to him , and watching his time when the people came thronging upon him out of the great Chamber , he gently put his hand into his pocket , but it no sooner entred , but this spring disbanded , so that where he thought to take , he was taken . Morindor , who felt the springe disband , seemed not to take notice of the Cutpurse , but began to take his walke from the one side of the Hall unto the other , thence into the great Chamber , the Galleries of the Palace , and so about ; the Cutpurse ( though unwilling ) was forced to follow him foot by foot , for hee could not withdraw himselfe hee was so straitly fastened in the springe ; sometime Morindor taking a short turne , would suddenly thrust away the Cutpurse , as though he came too neere him ; then did the other , with an humble countenance , entreat him not to disgrace him further , but to accept of some indifferent satisfaction from him . To which Morindor seeming deafe , continued on his walke , so that it was not long before that many of the Palace perceived it , who gladly flocked together to see him led after that sort . At length , Morindor having for a long time walked from place to place , and by the shortnes of his turns lengthened the pains of the Cutpurse : Hee turned himselfe , and with a cholericke visage said unto him , What makes you follow me step by step Master Theefe ? It was you Sir that stole away my purse , and you shall deerly answer it : At these words the other fell on his knees , and begging pardon , faithfully promised to restore it , if hee would release him ; but Morindor would not take words for deeds , but kept the Cutpurse thus shamefully imprisoned , untill his Purse was brought unto him by one of the theeves Comrades , who had thither accompanied him : Thus was the deceiver deceived . CHAP. XVIII . The Story of Amboise la Forge a notable Cutpurse . AMboise la Forge was brought up in Picardie , and as he increased in yeers , so did he in wickednesse ; he began with Pins , and ended with Pounds , which had weighed him downe to hell , had not his present repentance , and temporall punishment , by Gods mercy prevented the eternall , which we charitably conceive , because as the one halfe of his life was spent in evill , so the the other half was worn out in punishment ; The one you shall see in the beginning , the other in the end of this ensuing History . This young fellow being past his childish tricks , as stealing Pins , Points , and the like , begins his youthfull pranks thus : He goes one night to a Farmors house , and there ( having formerly noted where his Poultry usually roosted ) steales a Turkey , two Capons , & foure Pullets ; which he having conveyed away ( by his Companion in evill ) he the same night breakes open a Bakers shop , furnisheth himselfe with a sufficiency of Bread ; and afterwards , passing by a Taverne , and perceiving the Grates of the Cellar to be large , made shift to wreath himselfe in , where having found three or foure good Flaggons , he fills them with Wine , and having made himself frollike , refills them : The next morning hee goes early unto this Farmor , Baker , and Vintner , and kindly invites them to dinner , they wonder at his free entertainment , and wish each of them , that what they had lost the last night had been there likewise , as more fitting for their bellies then for those Rogues that stole it : On that condition , replyed Amboise , you would ( I beleeve ) forgive them their riot ; whereunto they cheerefully answered , with all their hearts ; but ( said one of them ) farewell it , what we have lost there , wee have gained here : T is true indeed ( said Amboise ) for what I stole from each of you , your selves have among you eaten , which I wish may do you much good : at which words , each of them tooke the more especiall notice , of what they were entertained with ; and the Farmer found that he had the like Poultrie , as he that night had lost , and the Baker the like bread , and the Vintner the like wine served in in the like Pots ; all which being considered , they found that his words were in earnest , and so they tooke them ; for they suddenly rising , would have forsaken the room , in the heat of choler , but he perswades them that they could not eat their meat in better company , imitating therein the young Greek , who having perceived particular notice that his Citizens had lost the battell , came into the market-place , and proclamed that they had got the victory , upon which false rumor , he caused among the citizens a publike joy for three dayes , but when the pitifull newes of their overthrow was brought by some souldiers , fled from the battell , every one was ready to kill this false messenger , who had caused them to be filled with joy , in a time when they had just cause to be drowned in tears and sorrows : but he answered them , that they had more cause to thanke him , then to murmure against him , because that he had changed their cause of discomfort , into comfort , and their mourning into a publike rejoycing . But this first exploit of youth , was nothing in respect of what he did after , for it was not long before he came to one of the fairest women of the Parish , and sought earnestly to entice her to lewdnesse ; but what he could not by faire words effect , hee at last obtained upon the promise of twenty Crownes , which he ( as then being not able to give ) compassed by this meanes : He goes speedily to a rich Churle of the Parish , and desired to know of him , whether hee could help him to five Crownes in Gold for Silver ; whereunto he answered , That he had so much , but was loath to part with it : whereupon la 〈◊〉 promised him two shillings on condition that hee would bring it to his lodging , and let him have it in exchange for as much Silver as it came unto : This Clowne ( thinking on the gaine which hee should make by the exchange ) condiscended to follow la Forge unto his lodging , where the money being told out on a Table before two others of la Forge his Society , he suddenly takes it up , and casts down an acquittance of five Crownes in lieu of it , and having so done departed ; The Country-fellow followed him and demanded his money , but la Forge answered , That he owed him long since that money , and that now paying it , hee had given him an acquittance for his discharge , and desired to know what he would have more . By this meanes he got the five Crownes , and by those Crowns he attained even to the glutting of his lustfull desires , for it was not long before he grew willing to surrender up that costly place to another ; yet it vexed him that he had parted with his mony on so light termes ; and bethinkes himselfe on a course how he might regain his 5 crowns so ill bestowed ; to that end , he comes to his Lemman , & told her he was pursued ( for a small debt ) by a company of Sergeants , and that he should be constrained , either to pawne , or sell , a cloake worth foure or five pounds , unlesse she would furnish him with five or six crowns ; he signifies , that if shee would assist him , hee would leave his cloke , and ever rest indebted unto her : she conceiving that she could not possibly loose any thing by the lending him the money , as long as she had so good a pawne ; wished him to bring his cloke , and hee should not fail to receive the money , both which was done accordingly . La Forge soone after had notice that this Gossip had invited some of her friends , lately married , to a feast ; thither hee comes , and desires the husband of this dainty dame , to help him to a cloke which his wife had borrowed for him when he went to the wedding of his invited guests ; The good man of the house answered , hee heard not of it , and for his part he had no use of it if his wife had borrowed it : hee therefore asketh his wife whether she had borrowed any such cloke for him , or not , which she ( suspecting that he meant to cheat her of her cloke and money ) flatly denied even in his presence , whereat la Forge being inraged , deeply swore that she had it , and therefore desired him that he would be pleased to looke in her trunke , and hee made no doubt , but that hee should there finde it : the good man being amazed at the confidence of the theefe , went and looked in her trunke according to his desire , and there found to his great discontent , and her disgrace , what he there looked for ; the greatnesse of which discredit , in the presence of her best friends , so grieved , that she pined away with extreme griefe . After this he goes towards Paris , and by the way overtaking a young Scholer going thither to see his friends , he discoursed with him until he came to the corner of a great wood ; then he resolutely told him , that either he must part with his suit of clothes or his life ; the poore young man soone made his choice , and quickly gave his clothes that he might after live to enjoy others ; so this our rascall entered into Paris all new , where he was not long , but by reason of his many bold , and impudent prancks , he was thought fit to be chosen Captaine , or Ringleader of the infamously famous crew of Cutpurses , Cheaters , and the like ; the which place that he might the better seeme to deserve , he took upon him to cheat , or by some other way to surprize , one Messager , a crafty fellow , who could never bee circumvented by any ; although that divers of his predecessours had endeavoured with the hazard of their necks , and some with their lives to have done it . He having heard of the warinesse of this fellow , began to consider with himselfe , that he was not to be surprised by any ordinary way , wherfore setting his wits on the tenter-hookes , hee at length overreached him thus . La Forge understanding that this Messager was accustostomed daily to go over the new Bridge , he came thither very well apparelled , & long expected his comming ; at length hee perceived him viewing the Samaritane , and the little garden below it , whereupon he tooke occasion to give him the Bonjour , and to entertaine him with other discourses concerning the affairs of the time ; Messager nothing suspecting him , because of his rich apparell , as they were in talke , there draws neer unto them , one of la Forges companions , being very well acoutred , and places himself on the other side of Messager . La Forge seeing his companion come ( without whom he hoped not to effect any thing ) casts his eyes downe towards the river , and wisheth them to take notice what a wondrous strong Boate there was that did not sinke with such an extreme weight of iron , his companion who stood on the other side of Messager , said unto him , I pray pardon me sir , if I say that you have a bad eye-sight , for you mistake wood for iron , that Boat is laden with Billets , and not with Iron ; for it is impossible that it should beare so much Iron and not sinke : Sir ( answered la Forge ) I thanke God , my sight is very good , and I know that there are some Boats laden with Faggots , Billets , or the like ; but that Boat which I point at with my finger , being the second Boat from the banke , is laden with Iron , and I dare lay a good wager that that which I say is true . Messager , who saw plainly that the Boat was laden with Wood , was silent , yet smiled to himselfe at so great a mistake , little dreaming whereunto their contestation tended . At length their contention grew so hot , that they seem'd like to have fallen from words to blowes ; in the end it came to a wager of ten Crownes , which was deposited into the hands of Messager , untill it were decided by a neerer view ; They having so done , call unto them the Boat-man and enquire of him wherewith his Boat was laden ? hee answeres , with Wood : but la Forge , the better to cover his intent , would not beleeve the Boat-man , but would passe from Boat to Boate ( the better to colour his intent ) by touching that which was the subject of his wager ; which having done , he confessed that he had lost , and seemed wonderfully discontented at his so great mistake ; the other laughing and winking on Messager , told la Forge , that being he had won his money , he would bestow a Breakfast on him if he pleased to accept of it : which motion being embraced by la Forge , they both intreat Messager his companie , in regard that he was present at the Wager ; which he at first refused , excusing himselfe by reason of some businesse of importance that he had to dispatch in the City ; but at last they perswade him to go with them . They then enter into one of the most noted Ordinaries , bespeake dinner , and whiles it is preparing , drinke healths at his cost that won the wager ; at last , towards the latter end of dinner , betweene the Peare and the Cheese , the other Cheater began to challenge la Forge , to play with him three casts at dice for the worth of another breakfast , but la Forge refused it , as having no great skill in gaming , but wished Messager to have a bout with him , which he likewise refused . This their plot not succeeding according to their expectation , la Forge signifieth unto Messager , that hee was to goe within two dayes towards Lyons , and was well provided of moneys for his journey , but that it was in silver , which weighed heavily , and would prove troublesome in his journey ; he desired therefore to know whether he could change 10. or 12l. of silver into gold , and offered him 2s. 6d. for the change ; Messager considering the promised gaine , told him he should have his desire , and presently drew forth a little bag which he had in his pocket , and begun to tell out his money at the end of the table , whilst la Forge counts his at the other end ; at length the ten pounds being ready told , Messager came and told him that the money was ready told , and desired his in exchange ; la Forge telleth the silver over againe , to see whether there was the full summe , or any overplus ; and watching his opportunity , drawes together likewise the others gold , in the meane while that the other Cheater heapes up his money , and drawes three Dice out of his pocket , saying , that hee had wonne all ; la Forge his companion cryes out , by my faith it was a brave cast ; other Cheaters , who by la Forge his appointment were in the next Chamber , inquire concerning the cast , and asked whether la Forge had played , who presently protested , and fearefully swore , that hee had gained ten pounds at one cast ; MESSAGER stands as mute as a Statue , and being much amazed knew not what to say ; but seeing them seaze on his money , he began to cry out that they were theeves ; the Host hastened to the cry , but la Forge and his companions tell him , that it is bootlesse to cry after hee had lost his money , for if that he had been afraid of loosing it , he should not have hazarded it ; thus would they have forced Messager to beleeve that he had lost his money at dice , when it was at Noddie ; neither could his words , or other meanes prevaile , for want of competent witnesse , what they had in possession could never be recovered from them . This la Forge within one fortnight after this feat , was taken by the Marshalls men , and for this , and other the like cheats and robberies , was condemned for ever to the Gallies . CHAP. XIX . A Relation of the notable Cheats performed by one Mutio. MVtio was borne in the Countrey of Chartres , who before that he attained unto mans estate , did vainly forsake both his father , and fathers house , and came to Paris ; where he soone met with those who first brought him to poverty , and then into sharking courses ; in which he had not long continued , but that he chanced to take notice of one Charles D' estampes , who dwelt in the University , and had a brother in his countrey and towne of Chartres , a married man , and very rich , but without children . He ( well knowing this brother of his , and as well the very place where he dwelt , as the rest of the whole countrey ) comes unto this Charles D' estampes , and tells him that he came from Chartres to bring him both good and bad newes , the bad newes consisting in the death of his brother Francis , for whom hee could not but grieve : the good , in that he had made him his Heire and Overseer of his whole Will. The Merchant hearing this newes was much afflicted for the death of his brother , whom hee dearly loved , and but little comforted for the estate hee left him , in respect that he had a sufficiencie before : but friend , said hee to Mutio , Have you no letter for me ? How came you to heare this newes ? Sir ( said Mutio ) to tell you the truth , I came late yesternight into the city , without as much as one crosse or farthing , being robbed within five miles of the city , and was constrained , for my yesternights expences , to pawne my doublet , wherein was sowed a Letter from one of your Uncles , which I should have taken forth , but that mine Host finding my Doublet to bee hardly worth my expences ( which were somewhat the larger by reason of my weary journey ) hindred mee that hee might so be certaine of his pay ; he names his father unto him , and answers him very discreetly any question concerning his friends in those parts ; which D' estampes considering , delivers him five shil . to redeem his doublet ; being very desirous to see the letter ; Mutio departs , and about an houre after returnes , bringing with him a letter with this superscription ; To my Worthy friend Master Charles D' estampes , Merchant , Dwelling in the Harp-street in Paris , these deliver . The Contents were these ; Good Cousin , I Much grieve that I am ininforced ( by this Bearer ) to certifie unto you the too certaine newes of your Brother his sudden and unexpected death ; hee was not above three houres sicke , in which short time he ( greatly mistrusting the approach of death ) by will setled his estate , and hath made you his Heire and Executour , I would therefore advise you to hasten into the Countrey , as soone as conveniently you can , as well to settle your owne affaires , occurring by your late fallen inheritance , as also by your presence to lighten the hearts of those that are much dejected for your Brothers departure : if in the meane time you will write or send ; you may safely doe it by this Bearer , who is very trusty in what he undertakes . Your very loving Vnckle D'estampes . The Merchant having read this Letter , communicates it to his wife , who being of a covetous disposition , although shee were without children , conceived more joy at the wealth fallen to her and her husband , then sorrow for her brothers death ; wherefore she kindly entertained him that brought the newes , which made Mutio hope well for a happy successe of his enterprise : for he was resolved , that if he were admitted to lodg in the house he would open the door unto his companions , and so make them way to take thence what they thought fit , as he afterwards did : for hee being entertained within the house , did in the night open the shop window , and cast forth a good piece of cloth to his companions , and having so done , did on the morrow hasten to bee packing : but it happened , that before hee was either gone , or discovered , that the Merchants wife grew very sicke , which made Mutio quickly conceive , that this her sicknesse would slacken her husbands voyage , he therefore returns to Chartres to use the same cheat to the Merchants brother , as he had done to the Merchant himselfe , whither being come , hee wrote a Letter directed to Master D'estampes to this effect ; Brother , SInce the time that I had the opportunitie of writing unto you last , Fortune hath taught me to what a depth of sorrow she could depresse a laguishing woman ; for death ( envying the prosperity which I enjoyed , and the joy that I possessed , by so loving a husband , hath now bere aved me of him ) by an accursed Plurisie , which maliciouslie seazed on him on the Wednesday , and killed him on the Thursday ; it is a kinde of cruelty that I my selfe am constrained to write the cause of my sorrow ; but in respect that he hath made you his Executour , and hath likewise in his Will disposed of one part of his estate for your childrens good , I thought it a part of my duty , by giving sudden notice of it , to expresse my deare affection to him , and love to you : I shall with you desire to see my mother , and to enjoy hers and your company to my comfort . Hasten therefore , for untill your arrivall , I shall account my selfe Your forlorne sister , Eliz. D'estampes . Mutio having penned this Letter , goes with it unto the brother of Master D'estampes , and signifying that he was his brothers servant , presented him the Letter ; the contents whereof , being by him read , wonderfully grieved him , for that he dearly loved this his brother , and for his sake kindly entertained this his pretended servant : Hee and his mother prepare themselves mourning apparrell , and dispose and order their affaires at home , against their intended journey to Paris , whither hee and his mother are now resolved to goe : in the meane time Mutio is not idle , but watching his opportunity , ( whiles most of the house were at Church , and the rest not suspecting him ) pilfereth two or three rich Diamonds out of a small Casket , which he ( being his Crafts-master ) so neately closed againe , that it could not be suddenly discovered . To conclude , hee framed such a simple and harmelesse countenance , and thereto used so naturall a behaviour in his demeanour , towards this younger brother , that both he and his mother take their journeys towards Paris ; the one to proove the Will , the other to confort her disconsolate daughter : so that now there are two severall men parted from severall places , and going to different places about one and the same cause , both of them enjoying their perfect health , both each by other thought to bee dead , and both of them building Castles in the aire , with the conceited wealth left by the one unto the other : neither of them as yet perceiving the cunning theft of Mutio. It was not long after the departure of Mutio out of Paris , before the wife of Charles Destampes , began to recover ; her husband therefore begins his intended journey toward Chartres , to settle his brothers affaires , whiles he likewise was onward toward Paris : Now it happened , that he ( being either better horsed , or setting forth sooner then his brother ) came with his mother unto an Inne being in the mid-way betweene both places ; and because they were very weary , they there tooke up their lodging ; and having supped , went into two severall beds in the same chamber ; Charles on the other side comming from Paris somewhat late into the same village , and inquiring for the best Inne , was directed to the very same place ; where hee having supped , was brought into Chamber , thorow which he ( that had occasion to go to or fro thorow his brothers Chamber ) must of necessity passe . It happened , that this man about midnight , heard his brother speake unto his mother ( for there was but a thin wainscot partition betweene them ) so that it was easie for him to heare what they said ; the voice hee heard , made him apprehend that it was surely his brothers spirit ; but afterward considering that it might be some other that had the like voice , hee blowes out the candle , and resolves to settle himselfe to sleep . About an houre after , the younger brother who lay in the other Chamber , being troubled with the Squertego , called up the Chamberlaine to bring him a Candle , which being come , hee takes his Cloke and passeth close by the bed where his brother lay , talking by the way unto the Chamberlaine ; his brother awakes at the noise , and began to be in a terrible fear , for now he thought he heard him speake more distinctly , and saw a glimpse of his visage . The other holds on his way , but in his returne towards his Chamber , hee became so curious , as with his Candle to take a more full view of him that lay so neere him , who opening his eyes knew his countenance , and shrinkes under the cloths that he might no more bee troubled with his sight , for his whole body trembled by reason of his extream feare . Young D'estampes being amazed to see his brother there whom hee certainely held for dead , let fall the Candle and ran away as fast as his legs could carry him ; he hath the same conceit that his brother hath , and thinkes that he saw , to bee his Spirit , so that both of them were wonderfully troubled at their strange visions : the young man tells his mother what he had seen ; she being as other women , of a weak spirit , confirmed his opinion by telling him , that he had left some vow unperformed , which was the cause that his Spirit walked ; so that the extremity of feare presenting divers objects to their thoughts , they continued all night wakening in great perplexity ; at length , day appearing , the elder brother ariseth first , and dresseth himselfe in his mourning apparell , the younger likewise forsakes his bed at the same time , being both dressed , this man opens the door thinking to go downe , and there to inquire of the Host who it was that lay in the adjoyning Chamber , but seeing his brother in his mourning clothes , hee amazedly retired ; and the other , being no lesse afraid , goes downe , and having inquired who they were that lay in the inner Chamber , he was answered , that they were of Chartres , & that they were one man and one woman ; then began he to take courage , thinking it might be that the newes of his brothers death was false ; but then he wondred why ( if it were his brother ) he should mourne : To conclude , the Host interposing betweene both parties , the two brothers came and imbraced each other , greatly wondering at so strange an accident ; Each of them relate unto the other the roguerie of Mutio , in delivering fained letters : so having spent together some time in mirth , each returned to his owne home ; where the one found that Mutio his fingers had bin busie among his jewels , and the other among his best stuffes . This fellow shortly after was taken in the company of some Cutpurses , and for his villanies being found guilty ; first burned with the Kings marke , and then condemned to the Gallies at Marseilles . CHAP. XIX . A Facetious Relation , how one Maillard cheated a Goldsmith of a rich piece of Plate , &c. NEcessity is the mother of inventions , ( said a Philosopher ) not without good reason , for when we are once falne into this labyrinth , our owne mishaps doe quicken our wits , and furnish us with some pollicy whereby to save our selves ( if it be possible ) from the lowest degree of misery . An example whereof , we will shew in the notable exploits of Maillard , whose ill education increased his natural propēsion to wickednesse , and whose present wants enforced him to work his wits for a Remedie . The first action he did after his arrival at Paris , was to enroll himselfe among the crew of cutpurses , and ( with them to frequent the new Bridg their Rendevous ) he chiefly associated himselfe with two of the most subtill of the troupe ; from thence hee came to the Cordeliers , where hee insinuated himselfe into the acquaintance of one of the Friers of the house that hee might cause him to act a part in a Comedie . Good Father ( said he ) I have a brother that within these few dayes hath conceived such griefe and melancholly for the death of his wife ( whom he loved as his owne soule ) that it hath almost distracted him ; sometime hee telleth us that hee seeth her Ghost , and that it talketh unto him ; wherefore I am come purposely to intreat you to use your indeavour to draw him back into the good way , and to settle his distracted senses ; otherwise I feare that the Devill ( who still presents unto him a thousand fancies and Chimera's ) will set him wholly , and irrecoverably beside himselfe : tomorrow I will bring him unto you , that you may give him admonitions , and withdraw those thicke clouds of sorrow which darken his understanding : Amidst his ravings , and idle talke , hee cryes out , that hee is robbed , and demands his Money , Plate , and other things to bee restored unto him ; wee have given him some Physick to purge these melanchollie humours from him , but to small purpose ; how ever , I hope that your advice , and holy admonitions , will more effectually worke upon his understanding : You may bring him hither ( said the Frier ) I will use my best endeavours to settle his minde ; this proceeds out of a drynesse of the braine , caused by his vehement and extreame griefe : Upon these words Maillard returnes , being very glad that hee had laid his nets so handsomely to catch the first Partridge : hee therefore returns unto his Comerades , and certifies them of his plot and purpose : the next morning very early , he takes one of his companions with him , being clothed in the habit of a Priest , goes unto the Exchange bridge , and there cheapeneth a silver Chalice which was worth eight pounds : The Goldsmith doubted nothing of the deceit , supposing that his companion being like a Priest should have payed him for it ; they having agreed upon the price , Maillard desires him to send it by his man along with them to the Covent of Cordeliers , and that there he should receive his money ; they thence went strait to the Cordeliers , about nine of the clocke in the morning , and by the way entertained the Goldsmiths man with so good discourse , that hee never dreamed ought of the ensuing deceit : Being come to the gate , Maillard seeming to be well acquainted with the house , rang the Bell , and demanded to speake with such a Father ; the Porter answered that hee was at Church with a Gentleman : Sir , then said he to the Goldsmith , you may leave the Plate with the Porter , whilst we goe heare Masse , and as soone as it is done , you shall receive your money ; to the which he being willing , delivered it to Maillards companion , who gave it to the Porter ; so they went into the Vestry , where the Frier was putting on his Cope to say Masse , Maillard taking his opportunity , steps unto him , and tells him that that was his brother of whom hee had spoken the day before . The Frier dreaming nothing of the deceit , turnes to the Goldsmith , my friend , saith hee , have a little patience till Masse be ended , and I will satisfie you . The Goldsmith imagining that he should certainly receive money after Masse , was content to stay and take his place in the Chancell ; whither Maillard and his Comerade bare him company till the time of offering : But not being willing to let goe the present occasion , hee whispered the Goldsmith in the eare , that they would goe before to the next Taverne ( which they named ) to drinke a quart of wine , and there they would expect his company : content ( quoth the Goldsmith ) and so they parted . The Goldsmith yet doubted not of any deceit , or fraud , in their discourse , or carriage , but thought it sufficient that hee had the Friers words for his satisfaction , and that hee had seene the Plate delivered into the hands of the Porter of the Covent . Maillard ( meane while ) comes with his Comerade unto the Porter , and askes for the Chalice which hee had left with him , faining that he would goe say Masse in a Chappel neer adjoyning , at the request of some devout ones , as the manner is in Paris : The Porter beleeving that according to the usuall custome hee would goe say Masse , delivered him the Chalice , who immediately departed , and being out at the gate , you may conceive , they lost little time in going , for they were not troubled with the Gout . The Frier ( the mean while ) who knew nothing of the deceit , having said Masse , came into the Vestrie , whither the Goldsmith followed him pricking his ears like an Hare , and preparing his Bag and Gold-weights to receive money for his Chalice , to whom the good Frier ( drawing him aside ) began this discourse . My friend ( saith he ) is it long since your wife died , and that you have been troubled with this malady ? for I must know the cause and beginning thereof , that I may the better apply a Remedy . What wife ( said the Goldsmith ) I am not married , this is not the matter that brought me hither : I know well ( said the Frier ) that you are not married , for then you would soone have forgot your former wife , and it is not likely , being you bare her so great affection , that you would so soon seeke a new one , but it is good to know the time since she died , that I may the better ease you of your griefe . But Sir ( said the Goldsmith ) I suppose you take me for some other , I have no Wife , neither yet intend to have one ; I come onely for to receive money that is due unto me : My friend , said the Frier , I knew very well you would demand money , neverthelesse I doubt not but to restore you to your perfect minde : Have you beene at Confession since you perceived your selfe troubled with this disease ? Have you purged your conscience from the evill deeds you have done , by Confession and Repentance ? for sometimes God doth afflict us for our sinnes and offences ; excuse me if I search so narrowly into your affairs , it is not but for your good . Sir , replyed the Goldsmith , excuse me if I must needs say one of us wants his sences , and is not in his right minde ; I have nothing to do with your Tale of a Cock and a Bull , I demand eight pounds which you are to pay me , or deliver my ware again , notwithstanding all these crafry shifts and mockeries . Have patience my friend ( said the Frier ) I will do my best to give you content , but what I say unto you is for your good , you ought not to be so Cholerick ; and to tell you my minde in few words , I think it most necessary that you first seeke remedy for your Soul , and after , that you take Physicke to cure your Body ; for all these violent passions proceed from an indisposition and drynes of the Braine . You pay me fairely said the Goldsmith , Is this the money that you mean to give me ? Good Sir , either pay me my 8l l which we agreed for , or else restore unto me my Chalice ; It is not reason that you should detain my masters goods , and fobb me off with an idle discourse . The Frier all this while not discerning any signe or token of distraction in him , began to suspect some deceit ; and to this , the absence of Maillard added more cause of suspition : Of what Chalice speake you , said he , have you given me a Chalice ? I demand money ( answered the Goldsmith ) for the Chalice , for which you sent two Gentlemen to whom you spake before Masse ; the price agreed upon was 8l l wee have left it with the Porter to deliver to you ; if you desire a further proofe you may speake with the Porter himselfe , or send for those that came with me , they are not farre off , for they stay for me at the next Taverne , where I promised to come unto them . The Frier hearing this discourse , began to change his tune . It is true ( said hee ) that he which came halfe an houre agoe unto me , came also unto me yesterday , and certified me that hee had a brother much troubled in minde , because of the losse of his Wife , whom hee so dearely loved , that he began ( through griefe and melancholly ) to bee besides himselfe , often imagining that he saw her and talked to her Ghost ; and that I would do a worke of Charity to use my endeavour to settle him again in his right minde : Wherefore I crave pardon for this my frivilous discourse , for I supposed you to bee the man of whom hee spake ; but as for the Chalice of which you speak , I know nothing of it , perhaps hee took me for the Guardian of Compeigne who much resembles me ; you may do well to goe to him , I will goe along with you to him : Whither being come , the Guardian answered that hee knew nothing of the businesse , and that for his part he had given no order to any to buy a Chalice . The Goldsmith at this began to doubt of the deceit , and goes unto the Porter to demand his Chalice ; who answers him , that it was true they delivered one unto him while they went to Masse , but the Priest who delivered it unto him , had taken it to go say Masse , and that questionlesse he should finde him in some Chappell neere thereabouts : Whereupon , all in a rage , hee began to threaten the Porter to sue him : but hee told him , hee could not any way hurt him , for that he had delivered it to him that gave it into his hand : After many angry words had past betweene them , the Goldsmith was constrained to goe search about in the Taverne and Chappels neere adjoyning , to finde out either the Priest or his Companion ; but hee might as well search for a needle in a bottle of Hay , for at last he returns home without either Chalice or money . Hereby may yong Novices take warning to beware how they trust to outward shews , lest they dearely pay for it in the end . Thus Maillard came cleere off with his Cup worth eight pounds , of whom you shall yet heare related further examples of deceit ; that being forewarned , you may bee armed against the like dangers to avoyd them : whereof one is as followeth : Maillard having shared his former prey , and soone spent his part , ( according to the vulgar proverb , Lightly come , lightly goe , ) was againe driven to his shifts , but resolved to play at small game rather then sit out . And having learned that a Citizen of Saint Anthonies street had a Farme at a place called Turon , not very farre from Paris : he goes thither , and learnes divers particularities ; as the name of the Farmer and his servants , &c. Now he returns to Paris , and gives notice to his Companions , of his intended plot : and having chosen his time , apparells himselfe in the habit of an husbandman , and taking a Goad in his hand , as if hee were some brave Carter in a leatherne jacket , comes unto the Citizen , and after a clownish manner , salutes him with these words ; God give you good morrow , sir , I thinke your Worship does not know me , it is but eight dayes since I came to live with your Farmer , Martin Clare , at Turon : but alas , sir ; a shrewd misfortune hath befallen us : The Citizen and his wife being much troubled with these words , began to feare that the house was burnt , or the Farmer dead , or some bad accident had happened ; and hastily demands what was the matter : Sir , answered Maillard , a sad mischance happened unto us ; as your Farmer and my self were coming to Paris with a Cart laden with Corn to sell , as ill hap would , because of the bad way , my Master got up upon the Cart , but as we came to the end of the Towne , beyond Saint Martins in the suburbs , one of the wheeles brake , so that my Master falling , hath broke his leg quite asunder ; this accident hath much troubled me ; but making a vertue of necessity , I was forced to take one of my horses , & to carry him to the Bone-setters neere St. Martins Crosse , the whilest I got his sonne to looke to the Cart ; and having given order to have two new wheeles made , meane while my master sent me hither to intreat your Worship that you would bee pleased to come unto him , for he is in great danger . The Citizen hearing this sad news rose up , shewing by his lookes that he was much grieved for this sorrowfull mischance , his wife also seemed much troubled , and would have beene contented to have gone with her husband to see him ; but he was unwilling , and goes himselfe along with this supposed Carter , talking with him ( as hee went ) about his lands at the Farme , wherein Maillard so satisfied him , that hee thought him to bee an honest and understanding fellow . But as they came neere to St. Martins , and were turning into St. Honore street , Maillard began to give him just instructions where to finde his Master , and where the Bone-setter dwelt , telling him that hee must returne to his horses , and haste to have the Wheeles fitted to his Cart ; saying , that hee wanted money , as ill hap was , to pay the Wheel-wright , wherfore desired him , that if he had two or three and twenty shillings about him , to let him have it , otherwise hee should come too late to the market ; saying withall , that he would not make two mishaps of one , and that his Master would pay him againe . The Citizen without any difficulty delivers him 20s. saying that that was all hee had about him , and goes on his way with all speed supposing to finde his Farmer in great danger of death , and little misdoubting of the deceit , for Maillard had named unto him his grounds , how and where they were seated , and what store of Corne they were like to yeeld that yeer , and many other particulars , which he had learned at the Farmers owne house . Maillard returnes , and not contented with the twenty shillings hee had cheated of the Citizen , resolves to doe the like to his wife : he therfore makes all possible haste to the Citizens house , where hee found the wife dressing her selfe , and saith unto her , Mistris , your husbands worship hath sent me hither , ( he is now with the Bone-setter , who gives us good hope and assurance of the recovery of my Master ) hee desires your worship to send him twenty shillings to give the Chyrurgion in hand towards the Cure , my Master will pay you assoone as his Corne is sold. The good woman being glad to hear that the Farmer was in good hope of recovery , makes no scruple , but delivers him twenty shillings ; so he departs the house , and goes to his companions , to whom he related his adventures ; but hee did not long glory in his wickednesse , for the Goldsmith , from whom he had cheated the Chalice , chanced to espie him in Saint Germains Faire , lying in wait to entrap others , and by him was himself entrapped ; and for that , and other the like cheats and robberies , hee was broken upon the wheele as hee most justly deserved ; Divine Justice seldome suffering any long to escape , who so unjustly lay hands on the goods of others , and lead their lives , as it were , in deffiance of his Commandments , who hath said , Thou shalt not steale , but shalt love thy neighbour as selfe , and doe unto others , as thou wouldest bee done unto . CHAP. XXI . The multiplicity of Theeves . THe antiquity of theeves I have already spoken of , I will now speake of the moderne , and those daily conversant among us . The Taylor steales , demanding a third part of cloth more then needes to make a suit ; and when hee that causeth it to be made , suspecting his honestie , would bee present at the cutting of it out , he troubles him , and so dazles his sight , with the often turning and winding the breadth and length of the piece , that he makes his senses become dull , with his long attention ; in the meane time , the Taylor taking his opportunity , casts the cloth into a false pleat under the sheares , and so cuts it out as single , when the piece is double , whereby hee makes a great gaine ; besides what he extracts out of silver or gold Lace , Buttons , Silke and the like ; of which , a good part hee condemnes to his Hell , from whence there is no redemption . The Weaver steales , in demanding more Warp then the cloth requires , weaving fifty yards in stead of fourty five , and with the abundance of divers broken threds , he makes one continued , which is worth unto him the eighth part of what he robs . The Shoemaker restores with his teeth that which he stole with his cutting knife , biting , and stretching the Spanish Leather , to the end that out of what is given him to make one paire of shoes , hee might gaine at least an upper leather unto himselfe , and if the leather be his owne , he puts therein a scurvie sole , and sowes it with rotten threed , to the end that it may weare out the sooner , and hee gaine the more from his either simple or prodigall Customer . The Physician , and Chirurgion steale , the one prescribing , and the other applying medicines which may increase the disease , to the end , that prolonging the time of Cure they may increase their fees . The Apothecary robs with a Qui for a Quo , selling one Drug for another , and taking that which is best cheape , without considering what humor it should purge , or what vertue the drug hath which he applieth : by which he robs the Physitian of his reputation , and the patient of his life : and if by chance there is asked of him an oyle which he hath not , hee will not faile to give some other instead of it , that hee may not loose the credit of his shop . The Merchant robs , in taking extraordinary use , and exceeding the just price of his Commodity ; and sometimes by writing downe in his booke a debt , which hath beene already paid . The Notarie and Clerke robs with an ( &c. ) a whole inheritance , for a little money ; will by false writing give away a mans life by a voluntary mistake , writing guilty for not guilty . The Lawyer and Atturney robs , selling an hundred lies to their poore Clients , making them beleeve that their Cause is good , although they apparently see he hath no right to that he claimes : And it often comes to passe , that one Atturney agreeth with another , to sell the right of the parties , and divide the gain between themselves . The Judge robs men of justice , becomming passionate on the behalfe of that man , who by some present , hath beforehand corrupted him ; and violently wresting the text of Bartol . and Baldus for his owne gaine . The Grocer , and such as sell by weight , rob ; by nimbly touching with the little finger , the tongue of the beame , whereby he turnes the scale which way he pleaseth , and so cheats the buyer of his weight . The Booke-seller robs , by selling an imperfect Booke , for one perfect ; by recommending a Booke to his Customer for good , which hee knowes to be dull , and lies heavie on his hand , and also by selling a Booke of an old Edition in the stead of a new . The Vintner robs after divers sorts , mingling and confounding one wine with another , besides the water which hee puts in it , and when the wine , being often baptized , hath lost his strength , hee hangs in the vessell a little bag full of Cloves , Pepper , Juniper , and other Drugs ; with which hee makes it yet seeme good and right . The Butcher robbes , blowing the pieces of flesh with a quill to make them seeme a great deale fairer , and that they may yeeld more then they are worth . The Perfumer robs , by sophisticating the perfumes , and by multiplying the muske with the burnt liver of a Cow , the Amber with Sope and Sand , and Civet with Butter . The Scholer robs , stealing from Saint Augustine , and Aquinas , &c. the best of their workes , and utters their doctrine as his owne , seeming an Inventour of that hee is not . Thus you see all rob , and every Tradesman hath his way and particular craft , for the deceitfull working of his owne ends . CHAP. XXII . A Facetious Relation of a Parisian theefe condemned to the Gallies at Marseilles . SIr , you may perhaps thinke that wee live disorderly , without either Lawes or Discipline , but you are therein mistaken ; for wee have first our Captaine or Superiour , who ordaineth and disposeth what Thefts shall bee committed , by whom and how : under his Command are all sorts of Theeves , Highway Theeves , Tirelaines , Skipjackes , Picklockes , Church-robbers , Cutpurses , Nightwalkers , Boudgets , &c. High-way Theeves rob on great Rodes , and Deserts , with great cruelty and tyranny ; for they seldome commit a Robbery without a murder , fearing to be discovered to the Justice : The meanes and slights they use in their Exploits , are divers ; for sometimes , as in a Citie , they dog a man for a fortnight together , untill hee departs out of Towne , and the better to intrap him , one of the companie goes disguised in the habit of a Merchant to lodge in the same Inne , with cloake-bag or packe stuffed with old cloth , giving out , that hee is a strange Merchant , and that hee is fearefull to goe on his intended journey alone ; with this his dissembling hee discourseth with the poor Merchant or Passenger , and so drawing from him cunningly what hee desires to know ; as whence he is , whither hee goes , what sort of merchandise he carries , or what other businesse brought him thither , and at what time hee departs ; thus hee gathereth by his discourse , of the richnesse of his Bootie : whereof hee gives notice to his Consorts , who attend him in some place fitting their purpose ; others hide themselves behinde some well growne bushes , and when they perceive afarre off a Passenger comming , then they cast into the way a Purse , or a Budget , or some such thing , to the end that when he alights and staies to take it up ▪ they may lay hands on him and all hee hath : Others keeping themselves a little from the high-way , faine a lamentable voyce , by which they urge the Passenger to stay and see what the matter is ; and whiles the Plaintiffe dissemblingly relates unto him his grief , the Ambush breakes foorth and strips him to his shirt . The Tirelaines take their names from the Theft they commit , which is to steale Cloakes in the night ; and these use no other subtilty then meere occasion . They goe alwayes three and three , or foure and foure together , between nine and ten in the night ; and if they finde occasion in the mid-day they will not lose it : They goe forth to steale Clokes , most commonly , in the darkest nights and most rainie ; and to those by places which are not much frequented , that the cryes of those they rob may not cause their apprehension : They are somtimes accustomed to bee clothed like Lackeys , and to enter where there is any Maske or great Feast , faining that they seeke for their Masters ; and with this liberty they finde an heape of Cloakes ( which the Gentlemen , or others leave in the Hall , assuring themselves that no body would there offer to touch them ) and so in the sight of many they boldly take them away . The Skipjacks take their names from Shipboyes , who mount nimbly , by Cords , to the top of the highest Mast : Those who beare this name , rob by night , mounting lightly by a Ladder of Cords , at the end whereof are fastened two little nooses , or hookes of Iron , to the end that casting it to the window it may take hold and fasten , and that they may easily get in and out of the house , and carry away what ever comes to their hands , and having performed their exploit , they readily fasten a small Corde to the very point of the two little hookes , which being drawne , after their descent , raiseth up the hookes , so that the Ladder falleth without any trace or marke of theft . Picklockes , are those that carry sundry kinds of Instruments with which they open all sorts of doores . Church-robbers , are those who lie lurking in some Pue when Evening Prayers are ended , and the night following , having furnished themselves with what purchase they can get , at last pick open the Church-doore , or breake through one of the windows and so depart . Cutpurses are the commonest Theevs of our Common wealth , whose chiefest Art consists either in neatly cutting , or nimbly , yet warily taking a Purse out of ones Pocket , without either being perceived or suspected : these ( most commonly ) frequent Churches , Sermons , Faires , & other publique Assemblies , that in the middest of the throng they may the safer act their feats of activitie ; they are accustomed to goe well apparelled , to the end , that if they approach any Gentleman of quality , they may have the lesse cause to suspect them : they for the most part seeke out strangers , such as are the High and Low Dutch , who are accustomed to stand gaping and gazing with open mouth on some rarities , being transported with such wonder and amazement , that in their study and trance , their shirt might almost bee taken away from them : They alwayes goe two to take a Purse , and as soone as hee that is appointed for the feat , hath performed it , hee gives what he hath taken to his companion , who stands by him ; so that if he bee taken , hee may more boldly deny the act , and justifie his innocencie before the world . I will tell you the industry which I once used ; the last yeere there came unto the City of Lyons , a Merchant of Italy , rich , courteous , and of good carriage , who being noted by our spies , I was commanded to undertake him . I arose early that morning , that I might not loose any occasion , and having followed him thorow divers streets and Churches , ( for hee was very zealous ) wee came unto an assembly of Merchants , which are accustomed to meet about eleven of the Clock ; I seeing him there alone approached him , and began to enter into a discourse concerning a Traffique which might prove very commodious and profitable to him ; to which my discourse he attentively listened , and after much discourse , the company greatly encreasing , while my Companion seconded my discourse , and he attentively hearkened unto him , not observing me , I softly put my fingers into his pocket to search , or try , its depth and widenesse , and quickly found that it was capable of my whole hand , so that at the first adventure I got his Purse , and at the second , a Silver Watch fastened to a small Chaine of Gold ; with which I might have beene well contented , if The every had any limits , but bēing resolved to adventure the third time , to try whether I could draw from thence a dainty fine wrought Holland Handkercher ( which I had seene him use but a little before ) but I could not bee so dexterous in this third feate , nor my Companion so sweetly eloquent in his discourse , but he felt me , and hastening with his hand to his pocket could not but meet with mine ; whereat being much troubled , and finding his Purse and his Watch gone , he seized on my Collar , and said I was a Theefe : I now foreseeing the danger which might happen to me by my rashnesse , gave my Purse and Watch to my Comerade under my cloake as soone as I had stole them . Wherefore being assured that he could not finde about me that wherewith he charged mee , I laughed at what he said , and gave him the lie a thousand times : The Merchant notwithstanding , held mee fast , demanding his Purse with a loud voyce , in so much that by reason of the noise , much people were gathered about the place ; but my Comerade tendring my honour and safety , and fearing the danger I was in , hastened to a Cryer , which hee found not farre off , and procured him to cry , that if any one had lost a Purse and Watch , they should come to such an Inne , and there they should heare of them , and upon a reasonable recompence for the finding , and the markes told , hee would deliver them ; scarce had this good Italian heard the cry , but he leaves me , intreating me , with great humility , to pardon his rash censuring of mee , which I did at the intreaty of those that were by , and so left them : He as swift as a Roe-bucke hastens to the Cryer , tells him the making of his Purse and Watch , and maketh it appeare that hee lost them , but hee who had caused him to make the Cry , was not to bee found : And thus I narrowly escaped the danger that I ran into . The Night-walkers , are those who take their walke about the Towne towards the beginning of evening , and finding some doore open , they softly enter , hiding themselves in some obscure place , till midnight , when they cast out at the windowes whatsoever they finde within the house . I once adventured to doe the like ; but to my cost . It happened that on an Holy-day , after Evening Prayer , going to seeke my fortune , it was my ill lucke to spie a doore halfe open , thorow the which putting my head , I perceived that all my body might enter ; which having done , I went along a Ladder unto a great Chamber , very well furnished , and being confident that I might lie safe under a bed which was therein , untill the houshold was all retired to their rests , I tooke that course : after I had layen some foure houres on the ground , I suddenly heard a noise of people comming up towards the Chamber , and presently by the light of a Candle , which they brought with them , I espied the feet of two or three servants , who covered a table with a great deale of care , and ( as I found afterward to my cost ) it was there the Master of the house intended to sup : The Table being furnished with divers sorts of meates , foure or five persons sate them downe thereto , ( besides Children that were in the house mingling their supper with divers Discourses : I was at that time so affrighted , that I verily thinke ( if the noise of them and their Childrens voyces had not hindered it ) they might easily have heard the shaking of my thighes one against another : by ill luck there was a little Dog in the house , which went up and downe gnawing those bones which were cast under the Table ; and one of the Children casting downe a Bone , a Cat which watched at the end of the Table ( being more diligent then the Dog ) took it and ran with it from the Dog under the Bed ; the Dog runs after the Cat , snarling at her , and endeavours to take away the bone ; But the Cat , by the helpe of her clawes , so well defended her selfe , that having given the Dog two or three scratches , so angred him that they made a fearefull noise , which made one of the Lackeys take up a Fire-shovell out of the Chimney , and cast it so fiercely under the Bed , that if it had hit my nose with the edge , ( as it did my Breech with the handle ) it had taken it away cleane : but with much adoe hee made the Cat go from under the Bed , yet did the Dog remaine behind , grumbling and barking , with such eagernesse , that neither cheering him , nor threatning could appease him ; at which they who served at the Table , being offended , began to beat him , and cast him almost into the fire , leaving me as if I were breathing my last : The confusion that the Dog wrought being ended , there was another that began to increase in my guts , with such violence ( by reason of the apprehension and feare that I was in ) that being constrained to sneeze thrice , I could not but offend my Breeches twice . These two noises meeting , and by their conjunction augmenting , caused those at the Table to arise and see what this was ; so that I was taken with the present offence , and was subject to the rigour of their vengeance ; no Plea that I could make being sufficient to defend mee : They stript me starke naked , and binding my hands and my feet , began to scorch mee with their Lights , not without a great deale of laughter and scorne ; and having satisfied their fury , they delivered mee into the hands of the Justice , from whom I parted signed and sealed . The Budgets , are Theeves which runne themselves into divers inconveniencies and dangers , for they sometimes cause themselves to bee inclosed in some Bale , Hamper , or Trunke , as if they were some merchandise , and to bee brought and left in some rich mans house , to be convayed to some countrey Chapman to whom they fain they would send it ; to the end that in the night , every one being asleepe , hee may with his knife or key make way out , and so rob the house ; which tricke I once acted to my great disgrace ; for a friend of mine faining that hee had foure Bales which hee desired to have conveyed into the countrey , inclosed mee within one of them ; and having so done , convayed them to a Goldsmiths shop to be there kept ( as for a friend of the Goldsmiths whom hee had named to him ) untill the Carrier arrived : The Goldsmith little mistrusting any roguery to be intentended , willingly received them into his house , in regard that the time was not long that they were to trouble the house ; but it unfortunately happened that in the night , when I thought to have performed my intended exploit , three or foure Apprentices who had made a match to spend an houre or two in mirth , entering the shop , setled themselves some on one Bale and some on another ; and that wherein I was inclosed , was not so free , but that I soone felt a burden , yet not so great , but that I could indifferently well beare it ; but having drunke themselves merry , they at the last betooke them to their rest , which was no rest to me , for whereas they were severed before , they now made choice of that Bale wherein I was inclosed , for their bed , & theron slept so profoundly , that a man might have drawne them a mile from their Couch and not have wakened them : At length ( being almost stifled with excessive waight ) I moved a little , and perceiving the immobility of that which was on me , I verely thought that they had put on me another Bale : with which conceit , and the extreame torment that I suffered , I drew my knife , and cut a hole through that wherein I was inclosed , and made a large gash in the Buttocks of him who lay upon me ; whereupon he arose like Lightning , and cry'd out unto the neighbours for help , thinking that one of his companions wold have killed him : the cry was so great , that it not onely raised divers of the neighbours , but also hastened the Officer , who entring , found the poor fellow that was hurt , and the rest in great perplexity ; he examines the man that was hurt , without taking notice of the Bale , thinking it needlesse to enquire in what part he had received his wound , but to know the person that gave it . The Goldsmith , considering the circumstances , began to thinke that the abundance of blood which he had lost had surely spoil'd the Stuffes ; and approaching the Bale , he found it open ; and putting his finger therein , to feele in what case the Bale was , he lighted on my Beard ; I lay still , in hope that hee would not guesse what it was : but he taking a Candle in his hand , drew neere againe , and holding downe the candle more narrowly to search what was in it , the scalding liquor of the candle fell upon my face , which forced me to stirre a little ; whereupon he suddenly cried out , theeves , theeves , so I was instantly apprehended , and at length , after a sound whipping , condemned to serve in the Gallies for ten yeeres , and thus was I rewarded according to my misdeeds . CHAP. XXIII . The gratefull theefe . AS I studied the Laws in the University of Orleance , I learned of a Scholer of Touraine this ensuing History , he having formerly heard it from the mouth of him to whom the chance happened . A young man of Poictou , named Cyran , sonne of a Merchant was sent to Tours by his father to dispatch some businesse which appertained to traffique . This young man was naturally pitifull , and from his youth inclined to give almes without distinction of persons . The honour of the King of glory which may bee much advanced by workes , ought to bee endeavoured with judgement : for at length discretion is the touchstone of humane actions , and it is not enough to doe good , a man must doe it , and it must be done to purpose . Almes is one of the most excellent and most acceptable actions which those to whom God hath given meanes can doe , ( for as the Divine Psalmist hath sung ; He that hath distributed , and given to the Poore , his justice shall remaine from age to age , and his horne , ( that is to say ) his power shall bee exalted in glory ) but it must bee performed with a judicious distribution , otherwise it will bee a confused scattering , rather then a charitable disposing : And it may bee done to such , as to whom to give were no better then to put a sword into a madmans hand , or to give meanes to men to commit Riotous excesse : it is true that Vertue consists in a meane , equally distant from erronious extreames : and as to give inconsiderately , is rather a profuse prodigality then a true liberality ; so also to take heede of too many circumstāces when one gives an Almes , argueth rather a pinching niggardlinesse then a good judgement : And likewise , as wee must not too narrowly sifte the qualities of those persons to whom we shew our Charity , so must wee not bee altogether blindefold in our gifts ; And among these uncertainties , we must so frame our intentions , as not to consider onely to whom we give , but also for whose sake , even for his sake who hath promised to require the least Alms given for the love of him . There are Iliades of hard hearts which finde fault with the greatest part of these poore creatures who beg of them . This man ( say they ) is strong enough to gaine his living ; that is a counterfeit , this not too old , that not too young , all are in their judgements unworthy ; and this is onely to have in shew a just pretence to keepe in their purse that metall ( wherewith they make their Idoll ) without purchasing the name of covetousnesse : There bee others which have open hands , and more for honour then for pity give , or through pity cast away indifferently to all , without considering that it is to nourish the lasinesse of a great many vagabonds , who stand more in need of a spirituall almes by a good rebuke , then of a temporall , which they abuse in lewd and strange deboistnesse : But who can have a spirit so truly discerning , sithence there is nothing in the world more deceiving then outward appearance . For example , there runne thorow the streets of Townns , and thorow the Countreys , a multitude of vagabonds , who under the name of poore souldiers ( that are going towards their own countrey ) demand almes , when oft times such are notorious theeves , who in begging seeke nothing more then fair occasions to commit foule thefts , murders , pillage , and the like ; these men have God altogether in their mouthes , and the Devill in their hearts ; and yet as God did heretofore draw fire out of the mud , when Ismael returned from the Captivity of Babylon , so from among these Bandetti he retires one good theefe , as you may understand by that which ensueth . Cyran passing thorow the streets of Tours ( which appeareth as a flower in the midst of the garden of France ) meets with a poore souldier , who though but meanly apparelled , yet kept still a good countenance . This souldier demanded of him an almes , with such a kinde of disgracefull grace , that hee found himselfe inwardly excited to give him one ; but being extraordinarily moved , he put his hand into his pocket , and thinking to have taken thence once Sol , he lighted on a piece of five , which he with a good will gave him , and with words of honour and consolation , wisheth him a good returne into his countrey , and a better Art then that of warre , where there is ordinarily nothing to bee gained but knockes : The souldier after a modest and civill manner answered , Sir God give me grace and power to doe you some good service , conformable to the desire I have thereunto : you have shewed mee your bounty in my pinching necessity , which I never shall be unmindfull of , for therein you have done little lesse then saved my life ; after these words of Complement they parted . Some few dayes , after the affaires which hindered this Poictevin at Tours , being finished , he takes his leave , and thence returnes towards his Countrey ; but as he crossed a Wood , behold there suddenly rushed out three Theeves , whereof the one seazed on the Bridle of his Horse , and another setting a sword to his throat , commaunded him to alight and to follow them into the thickest of the Wood ; a rude entertainement , and an imperious kinde of command , yet such as must bee fulfilled ; most commands presupposing a necessity of obeying . When they had lead him into the most uncouth and obscure part of the Wood , they there rifled him , and tooke from him all the Money that hee had , which amounted to the sum of one hundred Crownes , or thereabouts ; and having likewise deprived him of his Cloke and best Wares , they began to deliberate whether they should kill him , or not ? Let us said one of them , I know ( by his language ) that hee is one of this Countrey , and therefore may raise Hue and Cry after us , and so discover us : 'T is well said ( answered another ) if such men had killed him whom they stript in such a Forrest , they would not now have made so many wry mouthes upon a Gibbet at poor wearied passengers . The third ( who was the man to whom Cyran had some few dayes before given the almes of five sols : ) Companions said hee , what good will his life doe us , his bloud will cry louder against us for vengeance then his voyce : we shall have a Sermon , replyed one of the others , those that use the trade that we exercise , ought to stop their eares against these considerations , which are good for none but old men and children ; the dead bite no more , neither doe they speake a word , the voyce of blood hath no eyes , and hee will bee well nigh rotten before any can possibly finde him in this place . Friends ( replyed the good Theefe ) I beg of you his life , for it I will willingly forsake that part of the booty due unto me : I will tell you a very good course to spare his life , and yet to provide for our own safetie ; let us binde him to some tree , and so leave him unto Gods protection , so we shall not bee defiled with his blood . This advice was by his earnest perswasions followed , and Cyran was bound to a tree w th the headstall of his horse , and his own garters , the theeves taking away his horse and furniture ; but the good Theefe bowing himselfe toward Cyran , ( as if hee had beene busied in tying him ) said softly unto him , Friend take courage , I will come this night to unbinde thee , I have not forgot thine almes ; Comfortable words , but proceeding from the mouth of a Theefe , therefore not greatly to bee relied upon ; yet hee made a vertue of necessity , and that hee might not seeme desperately ungratefull , he thanks him for a benefit not yet received : thus he remaines fast bound all the rest of that day , trusting in the mercy and providence of God , and expecting the uncertaine event of the Purse-takers most certaine promise : but at night he entred into the horrour of death , when in the duskenesse of the evening hee heard the yeelling and howling of the Wolves which were in that Forrest ; two of them were so bold as to approach him , but having for a time viewed him , and being somewhat distrustfull of their strength they presently retired , but it was not long before they returned with greater forces . This beast is not onely cruell , but also so subtile and cautelous , that even when men make curious invented Gins to catch them , yet can they very seldome take , or entrap any of them : This beast feares the stock of a Peece , hee shunneth snares , hee lookes about him , hee hearkens , considers , and narrowly observes the least motions , all which is marvellous to be found in a beast that hath not reason . Poor Cyran thinking himselfe to have now seen the last of his daies , heartily recommended himselfe to God , as a man that was at the point of yeelding up his Ghost ; for they had long since sented him , and now at length began to assaile him in troopes , endeavouring to make of him a Supper for themselves : but suddenly , with most fearfull yeelling , they sound a retreat , wherwith the whole Wood resounded ; and the Ecchoes multiplying , made Cyran thinke that there were a whole Legion of Wolves which came to devoure him : They had now perceived the approch of him whose comming poore Cyran had long expected ; surely if his succours had been delayed but a very little longer , his comming had been too late ; and it is likely hee should have found poore Cyran dismembred by the Wolves . But God , who sendeth aide in tribulation , and whose assistance comes alwayes opportunely , sent him at an instant ( when his long expectation was turned almost into despaire ) to deliver Cyran not only from the feare of death , but also from the death of feare ; for already had terrour seazed on his heart , and he thought there was no way but inevitable and present death : but behold now the extreamity of one passion turned into another ; Griefe and Despaire turned into Confidence and Joy , Cyran no sooner saw him , but he became confident of his delivery ; hee had na sooner conceived this latter hope , but hee enjoyed his long desired liberty by this good Theefe his willingly untying those knots which hee had before so unwillingly knit . I leave it to you to judge , with what excessive words he testified his thankfulnesse to the good Theefe , who had in one day given him his life twice ; first from retyring him from the throat of those roaring lions the other Theeves , and secondly from the ravening Wolves , who are Theeves living upon prey . Cyran was desirous to make him some part of requitall for this great benefit ; and the better to expresse his desire , hee offers the Souldier to use him as his brother , if hee would but reside with him , and forsake that miserable kinde of life , which could not but leade him to a very shamefull end , and would give him so much of his estate as hee should have just cause to bee contented therewith . To leave this course of Robbing ( replyed the Souldier ) is my full resolution , I have long since inwardly conceived such an earnest hatred thereof , that it continually seemes an hell unto me : My intent is to become religiously penitent for those many mischiefes which I have wrought in following this accursed mistery : I never in all my life killed any man , but have beene present at divers murthers , I began to Rob , being prest thereunto by necessity ; but continued in it through a kinde of wicked pleasure that there is in taking , although it served but to feed our unlimitted deboistnesse : now finding no sure place of retreat in France , where I am alway in danger of the Law , I am resolved to passe into Italie , and having visited Loretto and Rome , to cast my selfe into some religious house ; and if I cannot bee there admitted , to retire my selfe into some Hermitage . I humbly intreat you to pray unto God for mee that hee may continue in me his inspiration , and give me grace to execute this good designe . This poore Theefe thinking that the curtesie already done unto Cyran , had not extended unto a full requitall for his former Charity , laboured to perswade him to accept of his part of the hundred Crownes which was taken from him ; freely offering unto him a hundred Franks . But Cyran not onely refused it , but freely forgiving him , protested that if hee would take the paines to accompany him to the next Towne , he would inlarge his bounty towards him . The penitent Souldier ( for I make it a matter of Conscience to call him Theefe after so godly a change ) either mistrusting a subtilty in the Offer , or being fully satisfied for what he had done , ( refusing it ) heartily thanked him , and after their mutuall imbracements having made a mixture of their teares : Cyran took one way , and the Souldier the other , whom hee never saw after . But the two others he saw about two moneths after , being discovered by the Cloke and horse of Cyran , and being accused of other Robberies , fell into the hands of the Provost Marshall , who justly gave them a quick dispatch , they being fastened to the Bough of an accursed tree , commonly called a Gibbet , where they never descended but by the pendant . The good successe of Alms shines with such lustre in this Relation , that if there were no other motive to exercise liberality towards the needy , then that centuple which is in the Scripture promised in this life , it were sufficient to draw it from the hands of Covetousnes it selfe , sithence there is no usury so excessive as to take a hundred for one : to which , if you adde the infinite worth of eternall life , who will be so hide bound as not to give with a free will that NOTHING , or flitting toy of things transitory , to attaine unto that great ALL , and that one necessary thing , most blessed ETERNITY . FINIS . 
A43153	----	The English rogue continued in the life of Meriton Latroon, and other extravangants comprehending the most eminent cheats of most trades professions. The second part. Licensed Feb. 22. 1669 English rogue. Part 2. Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? 1680 Approx. 597 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 179 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-05 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A43153 Wing H1249AA ESTC R216596 99828322 99828322 32749 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A43153) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 32749) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1866:1) The English rogue continued in the life of Meriton Latroon, and other extravangants comprehending the most eminent cheats of most trades professions. The second part. Licensed Feb. 22. 1669 English rogue. Part 2. Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? [2], 144, 143-347, [1], [1] leaf of plate p. printed for Francis Kirkman, and are to be sold by William Rands in Duck-lane, London : 1680. By Richard Head. A work of fiction based upon his early life. Text is continuous despite pagination. Running title reads: The English rogue, and other extravagants. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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In general, first editions of a works in English were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably Latin and Welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. Image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. Quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in Oxford and Michigan. 5% (or 5 pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet QA standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Rogues and vagabonds -- England -- Fiction -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- Fiction -- Early works to 1800. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2004-01 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-02 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2004-02 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE English Rogue Continued in the Life Of Meriton Latroon , AND OTHER EXTRAVAGANTS : Comprehending the Most Eminent Cheats OF Most Trades and Professions . The Second Part. Licensed Feb. 22. 1668. LONDON , Printed for Francis Kirkman , and are to be Sold by William Rands in Duck-lane , 1680. A. an East India Iunck . B. an Indian House Flatt and Terrasod on the Top. C. an Indian Coach drawne with Oxen. D. an Indian Waggon drawne with Oxen. E. Persee Buriall place . F. Banians Washing . G. Banians Worship under greene trees . H. the Banians Marriages . I. the Banians Burialls . THE English Rogue ; Continued in the Life of MERITON LATROON And other EXTRAVAGANTS Part II. CHAP. I. He discourses the manner of Government , of the Inhabitants of the East-Indies ; a small Voyage by Sea , where he is in danger by a Tempest , and a Malabar Man of War , but escapes both ; he makes some rambles into the Country , and returning home has some reflections on his fore-passed life . I Was now arrived at the Meridian of my age , and enjoyed such a plenty of every thing , that I soon forgot the many miseries I had lately suffered , since my banishment from England . I governed my Family with a most absolute command , and received a willing obedience aswell from my Wife , as all our Servants , and during the stay of our English Ships , I gained very mu●h by entertaining my Country-men with necessaries . I kept so punctual a correspondence with the Banian Merchants , that I could command any thing ; and by their means found the way of Trading , by which I considerably enriched my self so that at the departure of the English Fleet , I haveing cast up an account of my Estate , found that I had gained above 2000 Rupees , ( which being the Country money , and worth about 2 s. a piece , amounted to 200 l. ) also I had a good parcel of Diamonds , besides those I had cheated the Banian of at my first arrival ; several other Commodities I had by me , which ( with my Housholdstuff which was considerable ) did in all amount to a great value . The Fleet being departed , the chief of our Trading ceased , and now it was vacation time ▪ and I ( hating idleness , and somewhat weary of my Wives company ) being desirous of Novelty , set out to view the Country : to which end taking money with me , and all other necessaries , I hired an Indian Coach , which is a kind of a Chariot with two wheels , and will hold about four persons ; this Coach was drawn with two Oxen , who will travel about thirty miles a day : my charge was not much for about eighteen pence a day paid my Coach-man , and kept his Cattel . Thus did I ramble about the Country , visiting other of my acquaintance , where I had a full enjoyment of every thing the Country afforded : for we had notonly the Country drink called Toddee which is made of the juyce of several Trees , and Punch vvhich is made of Rack-lime , or lime-vva●er , Sugar , Spice● and sometimes the addition of Ambergreese , but vve likevvi●e drank great quantities of Persian Wine , vvhich is much like Claret , and brought from that Country in Bottles . These vvere our drinks vvherof vve drank plentifully , and oftentimes to excess ; our meat vvas chiefly Rice , vvith Beans , and Turkeys Beef and Mutton , and sometimes Veal and Lamb ; this was my ordinary diet , but the Banians eat no flesh accounting it criminal , it being contrary to their Religion to kill any thing ; the chiefest exercise we had was playing at Nine-pins , a game I was well acquainted vvith in England and therefore could vvell enough deal vvith the Natives , though they vvere expert there in . Though I pleased my self in these things yet there vvas still vvanti●g the only thing which had alvvayes made my life pleasant to me , and that vvas the company of Women ▪ for without their pleasing society in a full enjoyment I reckoned I had nothing , and therfore upon eve●y turn found them out ; but I must now be contented vvith the Natives , vvho although they are not so fair as the vvomen of our European Countries , yet they may pass vvell enough , for their complexions are commonly of a tavvny bievv but they are richly adorned vvith pearl and other Jevvels speak of those vvho vvere Mercenary . There is no Tovvn but hath tvvo or th●ee of these Brothel houses , vvhich were allovved of ; neither vvas it any disgrace to be seen ●herein the handsomest vvomen are here : the Matron of the house is furnished vvith several , who she purchases sometimes of their own Parents , who sell them , not accounting it an injury to d●spose them to this purpose . These old Bavvds are as cuning as those of our Country , for they will sell a Maiden-headtwo or three times over for which they will some times have twenty or thirty Rupees , according to the goodness of the Comodity , and good will of the purchaser , who shall enjoy his bargain for 2 or 3 days or nights together either at their lodgings , or at home at their own houses ; neither do their wives dare to contradict their Husbands therein , for they will oftentimes bring home one of these Lasses , and lodge them in a Cot in the same Room with their Wives , and lye with them as often as they please , and when they have done with them send them home again . I try●d several of these Bona Roba ●s , who pleased me very well for what they wanted in beauty they supplyed in respect and willingness to comply with and plea●e me in all my desires ; and though many times they have the Pox , by reason of their heat & activity yet they value it not for they are so well acquainted and furnished with remedies : that they soon cure themselves , and the men who accompany them : my ramble being finished I returned home , and though my Wife knew I had been at several of the●e Brothels yet I was joyfully received and welcomed by her . We keeping a publick house , had all sorts of guests , and now being at leisure I di●coursed with several of the Brammanes who are their Priests , who informed me not only of the Civil but Ecclesiastical Government of the Nation for though I supposed them Heathens , yet I found that they followed a rule in their livings to which they strictly ty'd themselves : They in general gave me this account , that they are governed by a K●ngly Monarch , who is called the Great Mogul he is absolute in his Dominions , and all his subjects are his slaves ; all the Land and Houses throughout his Dominions are his own , and the Inhabitants or occupiers are only his Tenants , and pay a valua●le rent for what they enjoy , which is ●nually collected by Officers to that purpose appointed and paid into his Exchequer this he bestows at his own pleasure , or spends in making War with his Enemies , who are chiefly the Tartars , and sometimes the Persians ; they have frequently civil Wars amongst themselves upon the death of their Prince , if he leaves more Sons then one behind him ; for he who lastruled , & was Father of this present Mogul , made his way to the Empire by the death of 11 of his Brethren he himself being the youngest when he dyed , which is not long since ; 3 of his Sons survived him , who all immediately raised great Armies either to gain the Empire , or lose their lives in general . The 2 youngest having assembled all their well-willers and friends , with considerable Armies approached one another , a River now only parting them The eldest of the two dispatched a Messenger to his Brother , t● tell him that he was very well satisfied in his taking Arms and since he was in such readiness if he plea●ed he would joyn forces with him , and assault their elder Brother , who being vanquisht they would divide the Government . The youngest ●rother willingly assenting to these propositions , came over to him , but no sooner was he in his power , but he caused both his eyes to be put out , ( thereby disenabling him from the Gove●nment ) and soon gaining the Captains of his Brothers Army to his party , he joyned Forces , & causing his blind Brother to be carried with him , advanced to meet and oppose his elder Brother , in short time they met , & fought each other with various success , but in fine he conquered his Brother ▪ & depriving him of life , as the other of sight he now remains sole Monarch of this large Empire . The old Mogul died infinitely rich , for he left eight Tancks of coyned Mony , each Tanck esteemed to hold ten millions of Rupees ; and indeed it is no great marvel , for he hath some of his Subjects , especially the Banian Merchants , that are very rich all whose treasure he will command at his own will there is one Banian whose name is Vergore , who was the chiefest Merchant of his Tribe , and hath most of the Stocks of his fellows in his hand , to him the Great Mogul sent for money to which message he sent this answer , That he would presently furnish his Highness with a Hundred Carts loaden with ready money . The Mogul hearing this , ordered him ●o keep it till he sent again , or had further occasion The English have great priviledges , for they pay less Duties and Customes than the Natives , for the Banian Merchants will sometimes hire an English man to go to Sea with them in their Juncks , which are great Barks not to do any service in the voyage , but only to own the goods , that they may save several Taxes and Duties thatelse must be paid , as Anchorage and Moorage I one time was asked by a Banian of my acquaintance whether I would go to Sea with him , and he would give me a considerable recompence , he told me that I should only wear my hat eat my victuals and when we came to our port own the Goods ; being desirous of seeing fashions I consented ▪ and our Junck being loaden we set sail and departed : but never was I acompanied with such Sailers , for the Junck ( which is much like a close Lighter ) was deeply loaden with ●alli●oes it carried above 1000 Tun ; the wind being fair , all the tackling was nailed down and fastned , so that when we had been four dayes at Sea , the wind contrary to custome changed , but though it began to be tempestuous yet all our men being then at dinner there was none would leave their eating to handle the sails or alter the tackling , dinner being ended , I perswaded them with much adoe to go to workbut it was some hours ere they had loosned their tackling so as to lower their sails , and by that time we were driven out of knowledge ; the winds there are usually so constant , that they never make provisions to handle their sails , and alter them , but commonly as they fix them at their fetting out , so they continue till they come to their Port , where instead of an Anchor they carry a very great stone , fastned by an iron ring to their Cable , which they let down while they stay , but take up when they go away ; and then they alter their sails , fitting them to the wind to bring them back ; they continue in that manner to the end of the Voyage . But now it falling out otherwise , great was their trouble , not knowinghow to behave themselves : and although there was forty men on board , and they all well enough acquainted with Navigation in those parts , yet I that was but of one years standing was their be●t instructor , or else we had been lost and perished ; most of our sails being now taken down , and the wind ceasing we by the next day came into our knowledge , but met with another misfortune , which was like to prove worse then the former , ●or we discovered a Junck though nothing near so big as ours , yet better man'd and was indeed a Malabar Man of War , and our professed Enemy , who are used to infest those Seas with their Pyracies ; our Seamen being sensible of the desperateness of ou● condition ▪ were greatly dismayed but I ( who was formerly used to be dead hearted enough ) did now become Valerous , and encouraged them by words and Actions , for considering the badness of my condition being likely not only to ●ose what Estate I had lately gathered , but at least wise my liberty , and it may be my life , ( for many of these Malabars do kill & feed on their Prisoners ) these considerations I say possessed me with so much courage , that I was resolved to try my utmost power to defend my self from my Enemies ; we were by chance accompanied by ten Moors called Rashpoots , who being always brought up in Wars , never go unarmed ; these persons being more couragious then the rest , by my example , put themselves into a posture of defence , and the other Seamen had Swords and other weapons put into their hands , to keep the Enemy from boarding us : we had eight great Guns in our Junck , which were carried more for ornament then use , for they knew not how to discharge them against an Enemy to advantage ( they being a well as their tackling and sails , fixed to one place ) only served to be shot off in triumph , and make a noise , but would not be well levelled to carry a Bullet to do execution . I seeing this inconvenience , took such order therein that the Guns were placed so as to dammage our Enemy , who now approaching us , came close up towards us , but he found a hotter entertainment then he expected , for we killed several of his men with our ●irst broad side ; the only weapons our Enemies had were great stones which they threw at us in abundance ; but we having again charged our great Guns , and all the small ones we had aboard , gave them such a peal as was the funeral knel to many of them ; by this time they were discouraged , and our men seeing the good success we had came all in sight and every one taking a great stone , which had been thrown to us by the Enemy , gave them such an onset with the stones as now made them to think of giving over their enterprize , which we compelled them to do , so soon as we had given them another broad-side , and once more discharged all our small guns ▪ thi● gave them so generall a blow that they Vered about and let us to prosecute our Voyage . Our Enemies being gone , I called all our men together to see what damage we had sustained , and upon enquiry found that we had n●t lost a man : but about half a dozen broken heads and faces was all the harm we had received . I was generally applauded for my courage , and the chief owner of the Goods not only rendred me infinite thanks , but promised me a great reward , which was Justly paid me at the end of our Voyage : I told them that I much wondred at the manner of o●r Enemies fight but I received this answer , that they seldome used any other Weapons t●en stones , which they carried in great plenty , trusting to them and their great numbers , for the Bark that set upon us had above a hundred men in her , and would have certainly taken us , had I not made so good a fight with our Guns which was a thing unusual for them to meet with not suspecting that we could make any use of them , otherwise then to shoot upright as was usual , but they found the contrary to their cost : for I suppose we had the good fortune to kill ●everal of them which so disheartned them , that they left us as I told you : and thus we meeting with no more ob●truction , in two moneths time finished our Voyage , and returned home , where I received 500 Rupees as a recompence for my good service . I was joyfully received at home by my Wife and acquired a very good esteem of all by t●is my valerous exploit , and had many advantageous offers to go again on the same account ; but I valuing my pleasure more then profit , which was hazardous declined the propo●itions , and now rested my self at home only making some excursions to visit the best of my friends who failed not to welcome me , the honestest Women to whom I made my self welcome sometimes . I travelled to the adjacent Towns where I visited the pleasant Gardens , and other times I went further to the Cities which being well built with brick , had pleasant Platformes or Terrets on the top ; many of the Cities were Walled and fortifyed with Castles for their defence : I seldome went without a couple of attendants which are called Puisn's who were my daily servants ▪ these were a sort of Banians who served me for four shillings a month a peice , and out of that found themselves diet , unless they travelled far from home , and then I allowed each of them all out three half pence a peice per day to buy them victuals and drink , which was only Cutkeree Butters Toddee with which they vvere very well satisfied , neither indeed doth the Consul give much more to his serviters , for his chief Puisn hath but twelve shillings per month ; and out of that he keeps a horse and a servant to attend him . They are very dilligent and faithf●l in what they are intrusted with , but so soon as they perceive a new Moon they tell their master of it that they may pay them their wages . Having now satisfied my curiosity in these travels , and being returned home I began to consider with my self my fore passed life : then it was I did run over those several accidents that had formerly befallen me . A● first how I committed Rogueries , when but a boy and ran away from my Mother ( of whom I had never since so much as heard or enquired ) I had some reflections thereupon and what my Mother might Judge was become of me : then did I call to mind the Rogueries I committed , when among the Gypsies and Beggars , and how with them I first tryed and tasted the pleasure of a Female Companion , from that my apprentiship and the several adventures I had , and pleasant nights lodgings I enjoyed not only with the Maid but the Mistress : how after the Maid whom I had gotten with child was delivered , I dispatcht her and child to Virginia , and soon after by mine and my Mistresses extravagancies sent my Master first to Prison , and so out of the world my Mistress her self not long surviving him : being then a freeman I married , but was justly enough fitted for my disloyalty by my wives incontinency which with my own prodigality soon consumed me , enforcing me to leave England for Ireland , which being my first great remove , I seriously reflected on , not knowing where I should end my days , I being now far distant from the place of my Nativity but I bethinking my self that my only livelyhood depended there in my vital strength , not that I was exposed to carry burdens or labour in the day time , but in the night in Venerial combats , where I received equal pleasure : and indeed I having run through the whole course of my life , found that by the favourable a●d goood opinion of women ( which was not undeserved ) I had not only preserved my self , but many times raised my self a sufficient fortune : as I had lately done by Marrying with my Moerish Wife , in which present condition I concluded my self much better then when I was in Ireland tyed to my old woman , who only paid me and gave me mony according to the service I did her , and was then again old and peevish , and above all things very jealous ; whereas now I was my own pay-master , and though my bed-fellow was not fair , yet she was young and pleasant and so far from jealousie , that she her self sometimes would procure me a you●g girl , the fairest in the country to lye with me , and she also lying by me , and taking much pleasure therein . Then did I proceed in the thoughts of my former life , and considered the many dangers I under went all the time I followed my Padding employment ▪ and though I then u●ually wore money enough in my Pocket , and sometimes met with some female adventures , as the Farmers Daughter , the Poetick Widdow , and my Female Robbers and others in whose converse I took much pleasure , yet I ●as in all these pleasures still accompanied with fear of being snapt , as indeed I was at last and likely to be trus't up : but that my penitence wrought so upon my friends as to procure my sentence of death , to be altred into that of banishment : which had through many miseries and cross adventures brought me hither , where I received the full enjoyment of all things : this consideration took me up much t●me , and possessed me with some virtuous thoughts , believing that I had not been preserved and reserved from so many hazards but for some good end , and now I had a fair opportunity of declining Vice , and living vertuously , I not being likely to be expo●ed to any such Rogui●h shifts or courses as formerly , these thoughts of Vertue made way for those of Religion , and now it was that I seriously considered of that Word in genes al , and being ( ●hough little practised in ) yet well enough acquainted with t●e Chr●stian Religion , I wondred at the a●surdity of t●e Religion of other Nations , especially of the Cou●t●y wherein I now lived , and having been curious in enquiry of the grounds thereof , I had received a good-account , though little satisfaction ; but since it is a Novelty , and may well enough ●uit with the following discourse which will consist of several and variety of Knaveries and Cheatings , whereof I suppose this of this Countries Religion m●y very well bear a part : I shall give you a sho●t account thereof in this following Chapter . CHAP. II. The Original Religion and Worship of the Banians Persees , with all their Casts and Tribes . THis large part of the World which is governed by the Great Mogul , is inhabited by these three sort of People , Banians , Moor-men or Rashpoots , and Persees : the several Religions or Worships of the first and last , viz. the Banians and Persees , I shall here give you an account of : but for the Moors or Rashpoots , they have little esteem ●or any Religion in particular , and being ●or the most part Souldiers , are of the Great Moguls Religion , which is partly Mahometan : I shall therefore begin with the Banians , who believe in one God , & that he created the World out of nothing , & that after this manner : first he having the 4 Elements of Air , Earth , Fire & water for a ground-work , by some great cane or such like instruments : blew upon the Waters which arose into a bubble of a round form like an Egg , which spreading it self made the firmament so clear and transparent , which now compasseth the world about , after this there remaining true liquid substance in the earth , God made of both these together a thing round like a ball , which is called the lower World the more solid part became earth , the liquid Sea , both which making one Glob : he by a great noise or huming sound placed them in the midst of the firmament , there he created the Sun and Moon to distinguish times and seasons , and the four elements which were before mixed , , were now separated and assigned to their several places , and discharged their several officies the Air filled up the empty parts , the fire nourished with heat , the earth and sea brought forth their living creatures , and then was the World created , and as it had its beginning from four Elements , so it was measured by four points : As East , West , North and South , and was to be continued for four Ages , to be peopled by four Casts or sorts of men who were to be married to four sort of women appointed for them . The world being made , man was likewise made out of the earth , God putting into him life , and he Worshipping his Creator ▪ woman was like-wise made and given to him as a companion , the first mans name was Poucous and the womans name was Parcontee , and they lived together as man and wife , feeding on the fruits of the earth , not destroying any living Creature . These two had four sons called Brammon , Cuttery , Shaddery and Wyse , who were of different and distinct nature from each other , for Brammon was of an earthly constitution , and therefore Melancholly : Gutte●y fiery , and therefore Martial : Shaddery Flogmatic , and therefore peaceable : Wyse airey , and therefore full of contrivances and inventions , Brammon being melancholly and ingenious , God gave him knowledge and appointed him to impart his laws , and therefore gave him a book conteining the form of Divine Worship and Religion ; Cuttery being Martial had power to Govern Kingdoms and therefore had a sword given him . Shaddery being mild and conversable , it was thought fit that be should be a Merchant and Tr●ffick , and therefore had a pair of ballances and a bag of waits hung at his Girdle : and Wyse being aiery , was appointed for a Mechanick or handicrafts man , and therefore had a bag of several sorts of tools . These were the first men and these their qualities ( according to the Banian tradition ) that peopled the earth , Poucous and Parcontee had no daughters because the sons should go else where to find them Wives which were made for them , and p●aced at the four winds , the four sons being grown up to mans estate were commanded to travel . And , Frst Bramon with his Book in his hand took his journey towards the rising of the Sun in the East ; for the place where they were born , and their Parents created , was in the Middle or Navel of the World , the Sun at Noon-day casting no shaddow . Brammon taking his journey , as is said , towards the East , arrived at a goodly Mountain , before which was a Valley through which there passed a Brook ; in the descent of which there appeared a Woman a drinking . This Woman was of black hair , yellow complexion , of an indifferent size , and a modest aspect , and indeed in every thing made , as if made for her beholder ; who being naked ▪ and seeing her to be so too , was more bashful than the Woman who make silence , by questioning the cause of his coming thither . Brammon hearing her speak , an● that in his own Language , thus reply'd , That the great God who made all things had sent him thither : The Woman seeing his Book , asked the use of it ; whereupon he opening it , shewed her the Contents thereof ▪ and after some other di●course she consented to be married to him , acording to the form prescribed in that book , which being d●ne , they lay together , and had many children who peopled the East part of the world : this womans name was Savatree : Cuttery the 2d Brother , was sent upon the same account to the West part of the world and taking his sword in his hand , he advanced on his journey , but not meeting with any adventure or occasion to make use thereof , he was much troubled ; desiring , above all things , that he might meet with some people whereon he might exercise his courage : thus impatiently did he proceed on his journey , till he arrived near a high Mountain , where he might behould a Personage who was walking with a Martial pace , and coming nearer , found to be a Woman armed with a weapon call'd a Chuckery : They were no sooner met , but they encountred , and set upon one another , but though he expected a sudden conquest , yet was he deceived therein , for his adversary held him in play all that day , till night parted them . The next day also they wholly spent in fight ; he gained no advanrage over his female enemy , only at the cloze of the day , he had the fortune to cut her weapon in two , but the night coming on , she escaped from him without any further damage . The next day she was provided vvith Bovv and A●rovvs , and then had a great advantage over them because she could wound him at a distance , and he could not hurt her without a close fight ; he being sensible of this odds clozed with her , & by main strength threw her down holding her by the hair of the head ; when having a perfect view of her beauty , instead of an enemy , he became a lover of his beautiful object ; and that he might gain her affections , he threw by his weapons and applyed himself to her in fair speeches , to whi●h she was attentive , and he at length became so prevalent , that they at present plighted troths to one another , and of enemies ; not only at that instant became friends ; but in short time after living together , and Nature dictating to them what must be done for the procreation of the like , they tasted the fruit of Loves garden , and had many children , who peopled the West part of the World ; this Womans name was Toddicastree . Chuddery the 3 d. Son , who was the Merchant-man was sent to the North with his ballance and weights , and he after much travel happened on a place where he found Pearls , and a Rock or mine of Diamonds , and believing them ( by reason of their great lustre in the dark ) of some extraordinary value , took some of them with him , and special notice of the place , that he might find it again ; and so proceeding on his journey , came to the place where was the Woman that was to be his Wife , who was wandring by the si●e of a wood ; she , seeing him , became fearful ; but he coming to her , and giving her good words , won upon her to stay and receive him into her company ; and after an account of his journey , which she concluded was purposely designed to her , because they understood one anothers speech , he bestowed some of his Pearls and Diamonds upon her ; in time they proving the comforts of the conjoyned joyned state , had several children , who peopled the North part of the World , and became Merchantmn : he afterwards travelling with them , shewed them the rock of Diamonds ; this Womans name was Visagundah . Wyse , the 4th . and youngest of the Brethren , wen also to the South parts of the World , and carried his tools with him , whereby he was able to build a house , or per●orm any other piece of work needful for the use of man ; he was forced to pass over seven Seas , at each place making a Vessel and leaving it behind him : the last Sea was called Pashurbate● , and brought him to a Land called Derpe , where he built him a house to live in , which he did with much content , till the Woman appointed for him came thither to behold the same : She was very amiable and wh●te ; and her hair was powdred with Saunders and o●her Odours : She first spake to him , demanding how he came thither ; He answered her , that the Almighty had sent him and had taken great pains by coming over seven Seas to wait on her . She was displeased with his discourse and house telling him that she needed him not ; and notwithstanding all his perswasions , left him : he after wards met her walking in the Woods ; but could not prevail with her to continue with him ; but left him much troubled . After this ▪ he being in a profound melancholly , walking abroad , came too parcel of trees , under which he placed himself and there prayed to his Creator , that he might not lose his labour , in coming so far to ●ind a Woman that would not converse with him : To this Prayer he had answer , that his reque●t should be granted , on cond●tion tha● for the future he would erect Images , and adore , and worship them under green ●●ees : To this he consented , and at the next meeting he gained the good will of this Woman who was named Ie●unnogundah , so that she became his wife by whom he had several children that peopled the South . These Four Brethren being thus dispersed at the 4 several parts of the earth , and having peopled the same , were all desirous of returning to their own Country from whence they came ; to see their Father and Mother , and recount their several adventures to them , and to that end , leaving their children behind , they and their Wives travelled so long ▪ till they came to the place ; where they were first joyfully received of their Parents , and then of each other ●there they likewise had several other children , begetting several generations , that all the World might be instructed in their several qualities by Bramo● in matters of Religion , by Cuttery in Rule and Governments , by Shuddery in Traffick and Merchandize , and by Wyse in matters of Handicrafts ; of which four Casts the world consisteth , every one of them living in his several quality , keeping his tribe free from confusion or interfering ; and thus the World was peopled : but in time , multitude begat differen●e and disorder , and mischief , and every Person disagreed with the other , every one producing new and various differences , as well in matters of Religion and Worship , as in all other affairs , when the Almighty for the wickedness of mankind sent a flood which came and destroyed all the Creatures of the earth ; and this according to the tradition of the Banians , was the first Age of the World. This world of Creatures being destroyed , others were made in this manner : The Almighty first made out of the earth these three Creatures , Breman Visteny 〈…〉 to Breman he gave the power of making Creatures because say the Banians , as great persons do not their work but by Deputies , so neither was it fit that God should be ●ervile to his Creatures , but give to them their being by his Instruments To the second ▪ which was Vistney , he gave charge to preserve the creatures But to the third , which was ●udde●y , he gave power to destroy them , because he knew they would be wicked , and deserve Judgements . Breman was to be taken up to Heaven in conclusion of the second age . Vistney was to live as long aga●n as Breman and Ruddery was to continue three times as long , and then he should destroy all the world , which should be the great day of Judgement . Breman according to the power given him , produced Man and Woman out of his own bowels , who being instructed by him gave worship to God , and reverence to him : the Man was by him named Mamaw , and the Woman Ceterrupa they were ent to the East and there they had three sons and three daughters , who were sent severally to the West , North and South , which were peopled by them : thus man being made by Breman , Vistney provided things necessary for them , and Ruddery dispersed afflictions sicknesses and death , as Men did deserve them . It was now necessary say the Banians , that the Law should be given according to which t●ey should live ; and therefore Breman being called up into a Mountain the Almighty gave him out of a cloud a book , which the Banians call the Shaster , wherein was written their Laws ; this book consisted of three Tracts . The first , whereof contained their Moral Law , and an Explication or Appropriation of the precepts to every several Tribe and Cast. The second , was their Ceremonial Law. The third , distinguished them into Casts or Tribes with peculiar observations for each Cast and T●ibe . The first Tract of the moral Law contained eight commandements 1. That they should kill no living Creature , because like Man it ●ad a soul. 2. That they should make a Covenant with their five sences : the Eyes not to see evil tkings , the Ears not to hear evil things , the Tongue not to speak evil , the Pallat not to tast , as wine or flesh , the hands not to touch any thing defiled . 3. That they should duly observe the times of devotion in washing , worship , &c. 4 , That they should not tell false tales to deceive . 5. That they should be charitable to the poar . 6. That they should not oppress their poor brethren . 7. That they should celebrate certain Festivals , not pampering the body , but fa●ting and watching , to be fitter for devotion . 8. That they should not steal , though never so little . These eight are bestowed among the four Tribes or Casts , to each two Commandements : to the Brammanes , which are the Priests , the first & second , as being strictest in Religion . To Shuddery they appropriate the third and fourth , as most proper to them . To Cuttery the fifth and sixth ▪ and to Wys● the seventh and eighth : they are all enjoyned to keep all the Commandements ; but more particularly those tha●●re appropriated to their several Casts . The second Tract of the book delivered to Bre●an comprized certain ceremonial injunctions which ●re these . First washing their bodies in Rivers , in memory of the deluge , in which they use this Ceremony : first they besmear their bodies in the mud of the River , as an Emblem of mans filthiness ; and then coming into the water & turning their faces towards the Sun the Bramman prayes , that as the body which is foul as the mud of the River which is cleansed by the water , so that his sin may be in like manner cleansed ; and then the party plunging himself three times in the River , and shaking in his hand some grains of Rice as an offering on the water : he receiveth absolution for his sins past , and is dismissed . 2. The ceremony of anointing the fore head with red painting , as a peculiar mark which they often renew . 3. They are enjoyned to tender certain prayers and offerings under green trees , the original of which custom they derive from Wyse , to whom they say God appeared in a vision under a tree ; the tree particularly appropriated for this Worship ▪ is called Fi●u Indica , as vide . Sr. W. Rawleigh , for which tree they have a great esteem . 4. They are enjoyned prayers in their Temples , where they offer to Images with ringing and loud tinckling of bells and such like impertinent , services . 5. They are enjoyned Pilgrimage to rivers remote ▪ as ●a●g●s , where they throw in as , offerings , Jewels , and Treasure of great value . 6. They use Invocation of Saints , and for all their affairs they have several Saints they invoke for assistance . 7. There law binds them to give worship to God upon sight of any of his Creatures first seen after Sun rise , especially to the Sun and Moon , which they call the two eyes of God , as al●o to some Beasts . 8. In baptizing children , there is difference in the Casts , for the Brammanes are extraordinary : the rest of the children are only washt in water , with a short prayer , that God would write good things in the front of the child , all present saying Amen . They name the child , putting a red oyntment on the midst of his forehead , and the ceremony is done . But the children of the Cast of the Brammanes are not only washed with water , but anointed with oyl with these words : Oh Lord we present unto thee this child , born of a holy Tribe , anointed with oyl , and cleansed with water ; unto which they add other ceremonies , then they enquire the exact time of the childs birth , and calculate his Nativity , which they keep by them and give them at the day of their marriage . 9. As for their marriages , their time is different from other Nations , for they marry at 7 years of age , they are usually contracted by their Parents ; which being agreed on they send presents , and use many triumphant preambulations about the town for two dayes ; and then at the going down of the Sun they use this ceremony . A fire is made and interposed between the young couple , to imitate the ardency of their affections ; then there is a silken string that encloses both their bodies , to witness the insolveable bond of wedlock ; after this bond , there is a cloth interposed betwixt them , a custom taken from the meeting of Brammon and Savatre , who covered themselves till the words of Matrimony were uttered , so the Brammanes pronouncing certain words , enjoyning the man to provide for the woman , and her to loyalty and pronouncing the blessing of a fruitful issue the speech is concluded ; the cloth interposed , is taken away ; the bond which ingirted them unloosed ; full freedom is given them to communicate with one another ; they give no dowry , only the Jewels worn on the Bridal day ; none come to the feast , but those of the same Tribe or Cast : no Woman is admitted to second marriage ; except the Tribe of Wyse ; which are the handicraf●s Men in all Tribes may marry twice except the Bramanes every Tribe marries in their own Casts , and the Tribe of the Wyse not only marry in their own Tribe , but in their own trade : as a Barber or Smiths son must marry a Barber or Smiths daughter of the same Tribe . 10. Which is the last , is the cerimony of their burials , when any is sick to death ▪ they enjoyn him to utter Narrane ▪ which is one of the names of God importing mercy to sinners ; they pour fair water into his hand , praying to Kistnetuppon , the God of the water , to present him pure to God , he being dead , his body is washed , & after buried in this manner , They carry the body to a rivers side & being set down , the Brammane uttereth these words . Oh earth ! we commend unto thee this our brother , whilst he lived thou hadst an inte●est in him , of the earth he was made , by the blessing of the earth he was fed , and therefore now he is dead , we surrender him to thee : after this putting combustible matter to the body , lighted by the help of sweet Oyl , the Brammane saith , Oh fire , whilst he lived then hadst a claim in him , by whose natural heat he subsisted , we return therefore his body to thee that thou shouldst purge it . Then the son of the deceased set two pots , one with water , and the other with milk on the ground the pot o● milk on the top of the other and with a stone breaks the pot of water whereby the water and milk are both spoiled ; upon which account the son thus moralizeth , That as the stone makes the Vessels yeild , so did sickness ruin his Fathers body , which is then burnt to ashes , which are thrown into the Air , the Brammane uttering these words , Oh air , whilst he lived by thee he breathed , and now having breathed his last , we yeild him to thee . The ashes falling on the water , the Brammane saith , Oh wate● , whilst he lived , thy moysture did sustain him , a●d now his body is dispersed , take thy part in him . This being done , the Brammane reads ( to the Son or nearest of kin to the deceased ) the law of mourners , That for ten days he must eat no beetle , nor oyl his head , nor put on clean cloaths , but once a month make a feast , and visit the River whose water drank up his Fathers ashes . Besides this , there was a custom which is brought into a Law , for the wives of the deceased to accompany their Husbands in death , by burning themselves with his body ; & this is still used among persons of greatest worth , the Women voluntary exposing their bodies to the flames . And this is the sum of the second Tract of the book delivered to Breman . The third Tract consisteth of their being dis●inguished into Casts and Tribes , with peculiar observations for e●ch . The Brammanes being first , have their name either of Brammon , who was the first of that Tribe ; or else from Breman , who was the first of the second Age to whom the Law was delivered , of which there are two sorts , the common , and the more special ; the common Brammane hath eighty two Casts or Tribes , which are distinguished by the names of the places of their first habitations . These discharge the Ministerial function , in praying and reading their Law to the People , in which they use a kind of minical fantastical gesture , and a singing tone . They are first received into that Order at seven years of age , using the ceremony of washing and shaving their heads , only leaving one lock ; they are bound to a Pythagorean silence , and prohibited haulking , spitting or coughing , wearing about there loins a girdle of an Antilopes skin , and another thong of the same about their neck , descending under the left arm : At fourteen years of age they are admitted to be Brammanes ; exchanging those leather thongs for four sealing threads that come over the right shoulder , and under the right arm , which they sleep withal , in honour of God and the three Persons ; they are , enjoyned to keep all things in the Brammanes Law. The more special sort of Brammanes are of the Cast of the Shuderys or Merchant-man , who for devotion take this condition ; He wears a woollen garment of white , reaching down to the middle of the thigh , the rest is naked : his head is always uncovered ; they do not shave , but pluck off all the hair from their heads and beards , leaving only one lock . There are several Casts of these , that live more strictly then the rest ; for these never marry , are very moderate in their dyet , and drink nothing but water boiled , that so the vapour , which they suppose to be life , may go out ; they sweep away and disperse their dung , lest it should generate worms that may hav● life , and be destroyed , they keep an Hospital of lame and maimed flying fowl , which they redeem with a price ▪ they have all things common , but place no faith in outward washings , but ra●her imbrace a careless and sordid nastine●s . The second Tribe or Cast was Cutteryes , who had their name from Cuttery , the second Son of Ponrous , who having Dominion and Rule committed to him ▪ therefore all Souldiers and Kings are said to be of his Tri●e . That particular of Bremans Book that concerned this Cast , contained certain precepts of Goverment and Policy , which being of common import , I chose to omit , and shall only tell you that in their flourishing Estate they were the antient Kings of India , especially of that part that is called Guzzarat , and were called by the name of Racab● , which signifies a King ; they are said to have thirty six Tribes , and none were admitted to rule or govern but out of these Tribes . But in time these R●cabs were most of them put from the Goverment , and destroyed by the Mahometans , who oppressed them , some of them ●till remain , and are called Rashpoots ; which I have before named ; some are as yet unconquered , and sometimes fight with and against the great Mogul . The third Son of Ponrous being called Shuddery , and Merchandizing being appointed him , all Merchants therefore are comprized under this Name . The particular of Bremans Book that concerned this Cast , was a Seminary of Religious advertizement , enjoyning them to truths in their words and dealings These are they that are most properly called Banians , which name signifies a harmless People , that will not endure to see a fly , or worm , or any living thing to be injured , and being themselves strucken , bear it patiently without resistance , they are equal in number of their Casts to the Brammanes , and being like to them , do more strictly follow their injunctions . Their form and contract in buying and selling is something notable ; for the Broker that beateth the price with him that selleth , looseth his Pamerin that is folded about his wast , and spreading it upon his knee , with hands folded underneath , by their fingers ends the price of pounds , shillings or pence is fixed , as the Chapman is intended to give : The seller in like manner intimateth how much he purposes to have ; which silent composition their Law enjoyneth . Lastly , as the Son of Ponrous was called Wyse and was ma●ter of merchants or Handicrafts so all Handicrafts are of that Tribe . The directions that were in Bremans book for these , were touching their behaviours in their Callings : The name Wyse signifies one that is servile or instrumentary , these People are now commonly called Gentiles , which are of two sorts ; first , the purer Gentile , such as dyet them●elves as the Banians , not eating flesh , fish or wine , and the impure eat of all sorts , and are commonly H●sbandmen , and u●ually called Coulees . Those of the purer sort have thirty six Ca●ts , according to the number of the Trade practised among them , in which they make as few instruments serve for the effecting of divers works , as may be ; and whatever they do is contrary to the Christian form of working , for the most part . ●his is the substance of the third Tract of the Book delivered to Breman ▪ concerning the manner of the four Tribes . This Book was by Breman communicated to the Brammanes to be published to the People , who did give a●solute obedience to these injunctions , but in time , fraud , violence and all manner of wickedness being committed , God grew angry , and acquainted Breman that he would destroy the world : who acquainted the People herewith but to little purpose for soon after they fell to their wickedness , and God took Breman up into his bosom who had interceeded for mankind : then also Vistney ( whose nature and Office it was to p●e●erve the People ) did interceed , but God would not be pacified , but gave charge to Ruddery ( whose Office it was to destroy ) to cause the bowels of the earth to send out a wind to sweep the Nations as the dust from the face of the earth : this command was accordingly executed , and all people were destroyed , saving a few that God permitted Vis●ney to cover with the skirts of his preservation , reserved to propagate mankind in the third Age , and so this Age concluded . The wickedness and ill government of the Kings and Rulers , being the chief cause of destroying the last age : therefore all those of Cutteries Tribe were all destroyed . Now because it was necessary that there should be some of tha● Cast as well as others , wherefore God raised that Tribe again out of the Cast of the Bramanes : the name of him who renewed & raised this Tribe was called Ram , who was a good King and lived piously , but his successors did not so ▪ but committed so much wickedness that God again destroyed the world , ●y the opening of the earth ▪ which swallowed up all mankind , ●ut a few of the four Tribes who were left to new people the world again , and this was the conclusion of the third Age. At the beginning of t●e fourth Age , there was one Kistney , a famous Ruler , and pious King , who wonder●ully promoted Religion ▪ Vistney was now taken ●p into Heaven , there being no further need of his preservation , ●or when this Age is concluded , there shall be a full end of all things . The Brammanes suppose this Age shall be longer then any of the rest in the end whereof Ruddery shall be taken ●p into Heaven : these four ages they call by these four names , Curtain , Duauper , Tetrajoo and Ko●ee , they hold the manner of these last judgements shall be by fire when all shall be destroyed , and so the four Ages of the world shall be destroyed by the four Elements . And then shall Ruddery carry up the souls of all people to Heaven with him , to rest in Gods bosom , but the bodyes shall all perish : so that they believe not the resurrection ; for they say Heaven being a place that is pure , they hold it cannot be Capable of such gross substances . This is the sum of the Banians Religion , wherein you find much of fancy and conceit as to make it be so Antient , and the number four to be used so often , as you have heard the meaning of the three Creatures , I suppose alludes to the Trinity ; but instead of a confirmation and proof of a Trinity , they would make a Quaternity thereof ; In the name , I suppose , they ( as well as other Nations who differ from us in Religion ) had read over our Bible , and supposing that but fictions , were resolved to make a Law of their own , to be somewhat like that of ours ; which how they have done you have already heard : I shall now likewise give you a brief account of the Religion used by the Persees , and so put an end to this Chapter . These Persees are a People discended from the antient Persians , who lived in much splendor , but wars coming among them , they were dissipated , and the Mah●m●tans who invaded them , compelled several to leave their antient Religion for that of the Mahometan : which they refusing exposed themselves to a voluntary banishment , and therefore carried what of their substanee they could with them : they sought for a new pla●e of habitation , and at length found it in this Country , where they now inhabit , being admitted ●o use their own Religion , but yielding themselves in subjection to the government of the Nation , and paying homage and t●ibute , their Religion being different from the rest of the Inhabitants , I shall thus describe to you . Th●● affirm that before any thing was , there was a God , who made the Heavens , and the Earth and all things therein conteined : at six times or labours , and between each labour , ●e rested five dayes , first , He made the Heavens with their Orbs adorned with great lights and lesser , as the Sun , Moon and Stars , also the Angels whom he placed in their several orders , according to their dignities , which place he ordained to be for the habitations of such as should live holy in this life ; this being done , he rested five days . Then he made Hell in the lower parts of the world , from which he banished all light and comfort wherein were several Mansions that exce●ded each other in dolour , propo●tioned for the degrees of Offenders ; about which time Lucifer the chief of Angels , with other of his Order ▪ conspiring against God , to agin the Sover●ignty and command over all ; God threw him first from the Orb of his happine●s , together with his confederates and complices , damned him to Hell , the ●lace that was made for Offenders and turn'd them from their glorious shapes , into shapes black , ugly and deformed , till the end of the world , when all o●fenders shall receive punishment , this was the second labour , After this God created the earth and waters , making this world like a ball , in that admirable manner that now it is ; this was the third labour . The fourth was to make the Trees and Herbs ; the fifth was to make Beasts , Fowles and Fishes ; and the sixth and last , Man and Woman , whose names were Adamah and Evah and by these the world was propagated in this manner ; God , as they affirm , did cause Evah to bring forth two twins every day for a thousand years together , and none dyed Lucifer being malicious , and endeavouring to do mischief , God set certain Supervisors over his creatures ; Hamull had charge of the Heavens , Acob of the Angels , Foder of the Sun , Moon and Stars , Soreb of the Earth , Josah of the Waters ; Sumbolah of the Bea●●s of the Field , Daloo of the Fish of the Sea , Rocan of the Tree , Cooz of Man and Woman , and Settan and Asud were Guardians of Lucifer and other evil spirits who for all that did some mischief , the ●ins of men occasioned the destruction of the world by a flood which spared only a few to people the Earth , which was done accordingly ; and this is their opinion o● the Creation a●d first Age. As to their Religion , it was given them by a Law-giver , whose name was Zerto●st whose birth was strange , and breeding and visions miraculous ; the names of his Father and Mother were Espintaman and Do●oo , he was born in China , and great fame going of him when young , the King of that Country endeavoured his destruction , but could not bring it to pas● , for those who were sent to destroy him had their sinews shrunk he being twelve or thirteen years of age was taken with a great sickness , the King hearing the●eof sent Physitians to destroy him ; but Zertoost sensible of their practice , re●u●e● their Physick , and fled with his Father and Mother into Persia in his way meeting with Rivers he congeal'd them to ice and so went over : he arrived at Persia in the time of the Reign of K. Gustasph it was in that Country that at his request to God he being purified , was carried up into Heaven , where he heard the Almighty speaking as in flames of fire who revealed to him the works of the Creation , and what was to come and gave him Laws for the better government and e●tablishment of Religion : Zertoost desired to live always , that he might instruct the wo●ld in Religion ; but God answered , That if he should live never so long , yet Lucifer would do more ●a●m then he should do good ; but if he desired to live long as the World endured he might . God also presented to Zertoo●● the seven ages o● times of the Persian Monarchy ; the first was the Golden age , the d●ys of Guiomaras ; second , the Silver , the days of Fraydhun , third , the Brazen , the days of Kaykobod , the fourth , the Tin , the days of Lorasph , fifth , Leaden , the days of Bahaman , sixth , the Steel ; the days of Darah Segner ; the seventh , the Iron Age , in the Reign of Yesdegerd : He finding by this that the times would be worse and worse , desired to live no longer than till he had discharged his Message and then that he might be translated to the same place of glory ; so he was reduced to his proper sense , and remained in heaven many days ; and then having received the Book of the Law , and the heavenly fire , he was conveyed by an Angel to Earth agai● . But the Angel had no sooner left him , but Lucifer met him ; but notwithstanding his perswasions , he went on in his designs of revealing the Law , which he did first to his Father and Mother , and by their means it came to the ears of Gustasph , then King of Persia , who sending for him , he told the King every circumstance , so that the King began to incline to his religion , often sending for , and conversing with him . The Churchmen of that time endeavoured to put infamy upon Zerto●st , by perswading the King , that he was an Impostor , and of unclean living , for that he ●ad the bones of humane bodies under his bed , the King hearing this sent to search , and found it so to be , for these Churchmen had caused them to be conveyed thither ; wherefore Zertoost , by order of the King was put in Prison : but there happened an occasion , that he was not only soon released , but also brought into the Kings favour ; for the King having a Horse that he prized , that fell sick , and no person able to cure him , Zeroost undertook the cure , and performed it ; and working some other miracles , was now of good credit , and esteemed as a man come f●om God ; so that now his Book gained an esteem , and the King himself told him , That if he would grant him four demands , he would believe his Law , and be a Professor thereof . The demands were these ; First , That he might ascend to Heaven , and descend when he list . Secondly , That he might know what God would do at present , and in time to come . Thirdly , That he might never dye . Fourthly , That no instrument whatso●ver might have power to wound or hurt him . Zertoost did consent that all this might ●e done , but not by one person ; and therefore to the first , Gustasph had power to ascend to , and descend from Heaven granted to him . The second , which was to know what would fall out , present and hereafter , was granted to the Kings Church-man . The third , which was to live for ever , was granted to Gustasph's eldest Son , named Dischuon , who yet lives as they say , at a place in Persia , called Demawando Lohoo , in a high Mountain , with a guard of thirty men ; to which place all living creatures are forbidden to approach , lest they should live for ever , as they do who abide there The last , which was never to be wounded with instrument or weapon , was granted to the youngest Son of Gvstasph , called Esplandiar . So Gustasph , and the other three mentioned , proving the power of these several gifts , all determined to live according to the precepts in Zertoosts Book , he unfolding the contents thereof , which were these : This Book contained three several Tracts , the first whereof was of Judicial Astrology ; the second was of Physick ; the third , was called Zertoost , and this was of matters of Religion : And these three Tracts were delivered to the Magis , Physitians and Church-men , called Darooes , the●e Tracts were divided into Chapters , seven were in the Wisemen or Iesopps Book , seven in the Physitians , and seven in the Darooes Book ; the two first is unlawful or unnecessary , I shall omit it , and proceed to the third . The Dicision of men being Laity and Clergy ; and those of the Clergy being ordinary or extraordinary , It pleased God , say the Persees to divide and apportion his Law among these men First , therefore , to the Lay-man God gave five Commandments : 1. To have shame over them , as a remedy against sin for that will keep them from oppressing his inferiours , from stealing , from being drunk , and from bearing false witness . 2. To have fear alwayes present , that they might not commit sin . 3. When they go about any thing , to think whether it be good or bad so to do it or to let it alone . 4. That the sight of God●s creatures , in the morning , put them in mind to give God thanks for them . 5 That when they pray by day , they turn their faces towards the Sun ; and by night towards the Moon . These are the precepts enjoyned the Lay-men , those of the common Church-man follow , who are bound to keep , not only these appropriated to him ; but the proceeding precepts . 1. To pray after the manner is described in the Zundavestaw , for God is best pleased with that form . 2. To keep his eyes from coveting any thing that is anothers . 3. To have a great care to speak the truth alwayes because Lucifer is the father of falshood . 4. To meddle with no bodies business but his own , and not meddle with the things of the world , for the Lay-man shall provide all things needful for him . 5. To learn the Zundavestaw by heart ▪ that he may teach the Lay-man . 6. To keep himself pure as from dead carcases , or unclean meats lest he be defiled . 7. To forgive all injuries , in imitation of God , who daily forgives us . 8. To teach the common people to pray , to pray with them for any good : and when they come to the place of worship , to joyn in common prayer together . 9. To give licence for Marriage , and to marry men and women , the Parents not having power to do it without the consent of the Herbood . 10. To spend the greatest part of their time in the Temple , that he may be ready on all occasions . 11. and last Injunction is , upon pai● of Damnation , to believe no other Law but that of Zertoost , and not to add to it , nor diminish it . These are the precepts enjoyned the Herbood , the Des●oore being the High Priest , who commands all the rest , is e●joyned not only these of the Laymon or Behedin . these of the Herbood or Churchmen , but 13 more of his own , whi●h are these that follow . 1. That he must never touch any of a strange Caft or Sect of what Religion soever , nor any Layman of his own Religion , but he must wash himself . 2. That he must do all his own work , in token of humility , and for purity , viz. Set his own herbs sow his own grain and dress his own meat , unless he have a Wife to do it for him . which is not usual . 3. That he take Tyth or Tenth of the Behedin , as Gods due , and despose of it as he th●nks fit . 4. That he must use no pomp or superfluity , by either give all away in charity , or bestow it in building of Temples . 5. That his house be near the Church , where he must retire himself , living recluse in Prayer . 6. That he must live purer then others , both in frequent washings and dyet , and also sequester himself from his Wife in time of her pollutions . 7. That he be learned ▪ and knowing all the several Books of Zertoost as well the Astrological and Physical parts ▪ as the other . 8. That he must never eat and drink excessively . 9. That he fear no body but God , and sin , and not fear what Lucifer can do to him . 10. That God having given him power in matters of the soul ; therefore when any Man sins he may tell him of it , be he never so great ; and every man is to obey him , as one that speaketh not his own cause , but Gods. 11. That he be able to discern in what manner God comes to reveal himself , in what manner Lucifer . 12. That he reveal not what God madifesteth to him by Visions . 13. That he keep an ever-living fire , that never may ●o out , which being kindled by that fire that Zertoost brought from Heaven , may endure for all ages , till fire shall come to destroy all the world , and that he say his prayers over it . This is a Summary of those precepts contained in the book of their Law , that Zertoost is by them affirmed to bring from heaven , and that Religion which Guslasph with his followers embraced , perswaded by the afore-mentioned miracles wrought by Zertoost amongst them . The 3 d. particular in this Tract is the rights and ceremonies observed by this Sect , differencing them from others . First , Though their Law allows them great libe●ty inmeats and drinks ; yet because they will not displease the Banians and Moors , they abstain from Kine and Hogs-flesh ; they eat alone , and drink in several Cups . 2. They observe 6 Feasts in the year , according to the 6 works of the Creation . 3. As for their Fasts , after every one of the●● Feasts they eat but one Meal a day for 5 days tog●ther ; and when they eat Flesh they carry part of ●t to the Temple as an offering . Their worship of Fire is taken from Z●rt●●●ts bringing it from Heaven , and it being enjoyned them for the nature of it , that which he brought , c●●ld not be extinguished ; whether that be prefer●ed is unknown , but upon effect thereof they are licensed to compose a fire of several mixtures which is o● e●en sorts ; when they meet about that ceremony bestowed on this Fire , the Defloore or Herbood , together with the Assembly encompass it about , and ●●andi●g about 11 or 12 foot distance , the De●loore or H●●●ood uttereth this speech . That forasmuch as 〈◊〉 was ●●l●vered to Zertoost their Law-giver from God ●lmigh●y who pronounced it to be his vertue and excel●●nce , that therefore they should reverence it , and not abuse 〈◊〉 the ordinary use thereof , as to put water in it , or spit in it , &c. At the birth of a child the Dacoo or Churchman is sent for , who calculates the Nativity of the Child , and the Mother names it without ●ny ceremony ●f●●r this it is carried to the Church , and water is p●●r●d thereon , and prayer used , That God would cleanse it from the uncleanness of the Father , and menstruous pollutionis of the Mother . At 7 years of age he is led by the Parents into the Church to have Confirmation , where he is taught Prayers , and instructed in Religion and being washed , he is cloathed in a Linnen Cassock and other habits , which he ordinarily wears and so is admi●ted into their Sect. They have a five-fold kind of marriage , for which they have several terms ; the most singular , is that of hiring a mans Son or Daughter to be matched to their dead Daughter or Son , with whom they are contracted The ceremony observed in their Marriages is performed at Midnight , not in the Church , but upon a bed , by two Church-men , one in behalf of the man , the other in behalf of the Woman , who ask if they are willing to be married , and they joyn hands , the man promising to provide for the Woman and give her some Gold to bind her to him ; and the woman promiseth all she hath is his ; then the Churchmen scattering rice , prays that they may be fruitful , and so they conclude , celebrating the marriage feast for 8 days together . As for burial they have two places or Tombs , built of a round form , a pretty height from the ground ; within they are paved with stone , in a shelving manner in the midst a hollow pit to receive the consum'd bones about the walls are the shrowded & sheeted carkasses laid both of men and women , exposed to the open Air. These 2 Tombs are distant from one another ; the one is for good livers , the other for the wicked . When any are sick unto death , the Herbood is sent for , who prays in the eares of the sick man ; & when he is dead he is carried on anIron biere ; all who accompany them are interdicted all speech ; only the Churchman , when the dody is laid in the burial place , saith thus , Thi● our Brother whilst he lived consisted of the 4 Elements now he is dead let each take his own , Earth to Earth , Air to Air Water to Water , and Fire to Fire . This done they pray to Sertun and Asud , that they would keep the Devils from their deceased Brother when he repairs to their holy fire to purge himself ; for they suppose the Soul wandreth three days on the earth , in which time Luoifer molesteth it , for security from which molestation , it flyes to their ●ire , seeking preservation here ; which time concluded , it receiveth justice or reward , Hell or Heaven ; and therefore they for those three days offer up Prayers Morning Noon and Night , that God would be merciful to the Soul departed , and forgive his sins . After three days are expired they make a Festival , and conclude their mourning . CHAP. III. The Arrival of the English Fleet , his entertaining of six Engl●sh-men , an account of whose Adventures is promised him by one of the Company . The Travell●r describeth the place of his birth and Parents , the death of his elder Brother , and how through the perswasions of his Father , he resolved to follow thieving . I Had now spent several Months in my Voyage by Sea , perambulations by Land , and observations of the Country in general , and this more particular discovery of the Laws and manner both of Civil and Eccle●iastical of the Inhabitants a just account whereof I have given you in the foregoing Chapters : And now we daily expected the return of Ships from England , and therefore every one provided to be ●urnished with all things necessary against their arrival : The Merchants who were re●ident on shore had every day several sorts of commodities brought out of the Country in Waggons drawn by Oxen , so that their Store-houses were filled ; and I for my part prov●ded my self with all sorts of Liquor and Victuals that the Country afforded All the time usual the Fleet arrived , which cnosisted of 4 ●hips , whereof 3 was on the account of the Company , and the 4th . by their permission , came a● an Interloper : those that came on the account of the company were provided with all things necessary , by the order of the Consul or President ; and the other Ships company being left to shift for themselves , took up my house for their quarters The chief of the company that lodged with me consisted of 6 persons , two whereof seemed to be very hansome young men , of about 18 years of age ; these two were very well respected as well by the Captain as the others his Companions , they were all very frolick , blith , and merry , and several times laughed at several adventures that had befall'n them during the Voyage . Though the Captain of this Ship came not on the Companies account , yet he was very richly loaden , and was directed to such persons of this Country as would be sure to do his business for him ; neither was he a stranger therein , for he had been here twice before , and was acqu●inted with most of the Banians , who are so curious & diligent observers , that if they see a man but once , if he ever return though several years after , yet they will know him again , especially if they have had any trading with them ; and they have so good a conceit of our Country-men , that they will oftentimes trust a Captain with 2 or 300 l. worth of Commodities from one year to another ; only giving them common interest ; and as to their ordinary dealing and bargaining , they are at a word and there is money to be saved by dealing with them , and trusting them , for if you distrust them , then you shall pay so much the more ; if you trust them they will provide your goods as cheap or cheaper than you can your self do it , though never so well experienced therein . I needed not to acquainted our Captain with any of their fashions , for he well enough understood it himself ; but I assi●ted him and some of the rest in exchanging their Moneys , for the Banians allow no more for any silver or gold Coin than it weighs ; for it will never go currant there , till it be changed or minted into the coin of that Country . Four o● my Guests , viz. The Captain , and three of the rest did employ themselves in looking after the Ships unlading , but the other two , who were the youngest ( and there ore , as I thought , fittest to take pains ) did still stay at home in my own house , or else walk out for their recreation ▪ This , and some other things that I observed made me curious in my observations of them in all their actions , suspecting they were either personages of greater quality than ordinary , or that there was some other Mistery in the case : but they being as cunning as my self concealed that from me which I since knew , though I tryed them with several speeches and discourses ; in which I thought my self cunning enough ; I observed this , that these two young men never lay together , but sometimes the Captain lay with one of them , a●d another persons of his company with the other The greatest part of their business being for the present dispatched ▪ they often-times staid at home and feasted where they drank of great quantities of Persia● Wine ▪ and other the Country drinks , the best I could get for them , They having all drank one time to a good height , and being very merry , the Captain asked which was the best house for handsome Women now . I enformed him of ●he be●t I knew ▪ but says he , ye have no English Girls here , no said I seldom any such bles●ings come into this Country we are forced to content our selves with the brown Natives : I believe , said the Captain , if these two young men , William and George , for such was the names of the two young Men I spake of ) were handsomely drest in Womens cloaths , they would pass for handsome Women . I then of a sudden turning my eyes towards the parties he spake of , saw that their cheeks were dy'd of a Vermillion hue , deeper then they had lately been acquired by drinking : This caused me to di●●rust ●omething ; but the rest of the company falling into a kind of a laughter , which I supposed was somewhat force● , they altred their discourse ▪ and began a fresh health to all their friends in Englan● , which I pledged them with a very good will , telling them that I had some , whose company I had heartily wished for what are they , said the Captain ; Sir , sai●● they are such as I believe you love , that is hand●ome women in general ; and of these I had the good fortune to be particularly and intimately acquainted with several . At the ending of this discourse , I was called for down to attend some of my guests who were going , which having done . I agen went up , where I found the Captain and the rest in a standing posture , ready likewise to be gone , at which I wondred ▪ but let them take their pleasures : so five or six of my guests left me , and he had gone too had he not been a little fluster'd , and then a sleep . After they were gone several thoughts possest my mind , of what these two youngest persons should be ; and it was long ere I could hit upon the right , but having one person in the house ; with whom I was more intimate than the rest , I resolved to use my utmost interest with him to be satisfied : he in few hours awaked , and would have been gone after his companions ; but I so far prevailed with him , that he lay there that night ; and because I would have the better opportunity for my discourse , I lay with him ; when we were in bed , I told him that I could heartily wish I could accommodate him with a Female Bedfellow ; he replyed that would do very w●ll , I offered my assistance in procuring the best of our country , but he was cold in his reply ; whereupon I told him , that by that time he had been so long in the country as I had , he would be glad of one of those whom I sometimes made a shift to spend a night with : but continued I , I had rather be ●t Mother Cr — in Moor-fields : Are you acquainted there replyed my Bedfellow , yes , said I , and at most of those houses of hospitality in or about London , to which colledges I was a good Benefactor , why , said my Bedfellow you have been right , or else I had never come hither said I : whereupon I acquainted him with many of my rambles about London , and gave him such satisfaction in my discourse that he began to be more free with me ; and then I conjured him to deal truly with me in resolving me one question , to which he promised me , that he would , I having gained thus much upon him : told him that my reque●t was to know what those two young Persons were ; which were called William and George : truly said he , you could not have asked me any thing that I should be more unwilling to di●cover then that ; but since I have promised you , I will tell you , and that the truth without any disguise , provided you swear to me , not to discover or take any notice thereof , without my consent , to this I agreed , and having sworn to him he told me , that they were not of those names , nor sex , that they went for , but women , I told him I had long since doubted so much , and now I knew it , I would take no notice thereof : but rather assist then hinder any design wherein there was so much pleasure , for I had been as very a wag as any of them , and had in my time run through as many and various adventures as any man of my age ; he hearing me say so , asked me where I had lived , and the mo●t part of my life , I without any dissembling gave him a short account of my life , which so pleased him , that we spent most part of the night therein , and at my earnest requ●st he promised me that the next day , he would give me an account of his life , and adventures , wherein said he , you will find so many different chances of fortune , as had hardly befallen any man , and I hope said he , I shall be able to give you a good account thereof : for since my coming from England , I have had time to recollect my self of some things that else I had forgotten , but now I have placed the chief passages of my life into such a Method , as I shall be very exact in , though I was impatient to hear what he promised me , yet the night being far spent sleep seized on us both for some hour● , but awaking in the morning , and putting him in mind of his promise , after a mornings draught taken and a command that none should interrupt us , he began as follows . I was born in Golding la●e , a place scitutate in the Suburbs of London , my Fathers name was Isaac , and by reason of his small stature was commonly c●lled little Isaac , being a native of the same place , and by profession a Cobler , but such was his courage that he was much troubled when any one called him Cobler ▪ and would reply , that he was a Translat●r , or a Transmographer of shooes . His Wife who I believe was my Mother , was named Vrsula ; she was in the beginning of her days one of those sort of people that we call Gipsies , or Canting-Beggars , and my Father travelling into the country , and wanting money to pay for a bed at night , he was forced to take up his lodging in a Barn , where he first came to be acquainted with my Mother ; whether they were ever married or no , I cannot tell , though I suppose they only took each others words as being willing to save the charge of a Priests hire . But notwithstanding the darkness of her complection ( as those sort of people commonly have ) there is not so bad a Jill , but there is as bad a Jack for it was not long before she hornified my Father , by a Banbury Tinker : which thing was so well known amongst the neighbors , that they would commonly make horns with their fingers , and point at him as he passed along the streets . My eldest brother at seven years of age attained to such ingenuity that he seldom carried ●ome any mended shooes to a Gentlemans or Citizens house , but he would filch either linnen , silver spoons , or something else of worth , which by negligent servants was not laid up safely ; which trade he drave for some space of time , being by reason of his childish years not in the least suspected ; but the pitcher goes not so often to the well , but at length it coms broken home , in processe of time he was taken with the theft , and for the same caried to Newgate , where ●ore little Angel ( peace be with him ) he dyed in Prison under the penance of a discipling which was applied to him with a little too much rigour : Our whole family ●ma●ted in his punishment , my fathert sighed , my mother sobbed , and I wanted my part of those dainty morsels which his theft furnished us withall , for by him my father drave a prett● tra●e , having those who always furnished him with ready money for whatsoever he brought ▪ and indeed his loss ' would have utterly disconsolated my father but the great ●opes that he had in me who was now come to the same age that my brother wa● of when , he first began to exercise his gifts in the mistery of theivery ; and that I might tread the same step tha● my brother had done before me , my father ( upon a certain day when my mother and he and I were alone by our selves ) began thus for to endoctrinate me . My son ( said she ) the profession o● a theif is not of so base repute as the world gives it out , considring what brave men have in former time exercised themselves in this way : I have hard the Clark of our parish say , who I assure you was a well read man , that Robin Hood that famous thief was in his yonger days Earl of Huntington● & that Alexander the great was no better then a th●ef in robbing other Princes of their Kingdoms and Crowns . ( This it seems be spake in vi●dication of the Sexton , who used to rob the dead co●ps of their sheets and shirts and those other necess●ries which they carried along with them in their voyage to Heaven ) I tell thee he who steals not , knows ●ot how to li●e in this world , nay doth not almost each thing in the world teach u● for to steal ? do ●e not see youth steal upon infancy , manhood steal upon ●outh and old age upon manhood , until at last death stealeth upon us undiscern'd and bringeth us to our long homes ; How doth Summer steal on the Spring ? Autumn on Summer , and Winter on Autumn , until all the whole year is stole out of our sight . Pray what do rich Farmers and griping Cormorants , but steal when they exact in their prices of Corn , and grind the faces of the poor ; and how can Shop-keepers wipe off the aspersion of theft from themselves when they sell a commodity for twice the worth of it , and thereby cozen the buyer ; so that we see if things be rightly scanned , there be more thieves in the World than only Taylors , Millers and Weavers : and what I pray you makes Serjeants , Bayliffs , and Catch-poles so to envy us , and persecute as they do , but that one trade still envies , and malignes another , and would by their good wills suffer no other thieves but themselves ; this it is that makes them so double diligent in the surprizal of us , though oftentimes our craft forestalls their malice , as I shall instance to you in one memorable example . My self and two of my comrades had agreed to rob a rich Userer whose younger brother having vitiously wasted his Estate , was forced to take this his brothers house for sanctuary , where he kept as close as a snail in his shell , unless only at such times when as he imagined the darkness of the night might shrewd him in obscurity , he so dreaded these shoulder clappers , who stick closer t● a man than a bur on his cloak for being once got into their clu●ches , you may as soon wring Hercules club out of his fist , as get free from there fingers ; and herein have thieves a great priviledge over debtors , for the mos● notorious thief that ever was , once in a months time he is carted out of Prison , as others for smaller matters are freed from durance by following the cart , where a fellow with a cat of nine-tails doth play him such a lesson , as makes him to skip and mount for joy of his deliverance ; but wi●h a poor debtor the case is far different for being once in prison , the best team of Horses that ever drew in a Wagon , cannot draw him out from thence without a silver hook . But to speak of that ( some ) which more properly belongs unto thee ( for I suppose thou wilt never attain to such credit as for to be laid up in Prison for de●t● ) by the help of a servant of the house , who went sharers with us in our prey , we got a false key made to the back door , whereby ( one night ) we attained an easie entrance , and loaded our selves to our hearts content ; but in our return one of our companions chanced to sneeze , and therewithal brake wind so violently behind , that it awaked the old Userer , who suspitious of the least noise presently cryed out , Thieves thieves : Trusty Roger his man was very ready to rise at first allarm , fearing that our discovery might prove prejudicial to his liberty , and lighting a Candle pretended to search every hole in the house into which it was possible for a mouse to enter ; In the mean time we lay close , yet not unperceived by this false servant , who very formally told his Ma●ter that all was safe and well , and that he might take his rest without any fear ; But the dread of his hearing us prolonged our stay , so long that day began to approach , whereupon fearing more danger from without than from within , we prepared for our departure , but having opened the door , we found that we had leapt out ●f the frying-pan into the fire , and by shunning Scylla were fallen into Char●bdes , for four of these Catch-poles were waiting at the door for the Userers Brother , having intelligence belike that he used to make the dusky morning , and dark evening , the two shrouds that car●ied him safely in and out to his Brothers house ; Now going out of the door first one of these robustious fellows laid hands upon me taking me for the party they waited for , my companions endeavouring to rescue me were seized on by the other three Bayliffs , so that we seeing no hopes of escape , resolved to cry whore first , and with full mouth cryed out Thieves , thieves ; Trusty Roger and the man that should have been arrested , hearing this cry , took weapons in their hands and out of doors they came , where Roger soon perceiving how the business went , ah you Rogues ( said he ) do you come to rob my Master ? and thereupon laid so nimbly about him , being seconded by the other , that the Bayliffs were glad to let us go to defend themselves . Whilst they were thus busied in pelting each other , we slipped away with our prize , and to take a full revenge of those Catch-poles , raised several of the neighbours , whom we sent to the apprehending of the Bayliffs ; whilst we marched away in safety , what became of them afterwards I do not know only this I tell thee , to let thee see that there is not ●●y danger whatsoever so great , but by wit and cun●●gness may be avoided . This story I heard with ●●eat attention , which so wrought upon my mind ●●t I thought my self no less then a second Robin Hood 〈◊〉 little Iohn , and thereupon resolved to put in speedy ●●ecution my ●athers dictates which yet proved very ●●fortunate to me , as you will find by that which ●●●lows . CHAP. IV. His robbing of Orchards , how he was catcht by a Night-spell , the extremity their family was brought unto , and how to relieve it , he robbed a Grocer , he cheateth a Cutler , afterwards robbeth a Bacon-man , his Father is prest away for a Souldier , his Mother ayeth , and he being left alone , goeth to live with an uncle , where he acteth many Rogueries . MY mind being thus fully fixt to follow thieving I began my trade in robbing of Orchards , returning home with laden thighs , the Trophies and spoil of Cherry-Trees , Pear-trees , and Plumb-trees ▪ My Mother instead of correcting me for what I had done , encouraged me to proceed on as I had begun ; for indeed hunger had pinched us sorely ever since my Brothers death , my Fathers credit being so eclipsed thereby , that until people saw he would mend his Life scarce any one would employ him to mend their shoes . One Orchard I especially , haunted , it being stor●d with most gallant fruit , whose very looks me thought did cry , Come eat me : but so often I frequented the same , especially one tree of more choice fruit than all the rest that the owner of the Orchard ( being a rich miserable chuff , and one who knew on which side his bread was butter'd ) began to mistrust the same , and therefore that his apples might not depart away without first taking leave of him , he resolved for the future to prevent the same , and having some little skill in Negromancy against my next coming , he inchanted his Orchard with a Night-spell . This he placed at the four corners of his Orchard in the hour of Mars , and is of such force being rightly applyed , that whoever comes within the bounds thereof , must be forced to stay there till Sun-rising . Now I that knew not any thing of what was done , according to my accustomed course , having the dark night for my coverture , boldly entred the Orchard , and with winged ●ast ascended upon one of the trees , where having filled a bag with Apples which my Mother had fu●nished me withal for that purpose , I thought to depart away as formerly I had done , but the case was quite altered from what was before , for I found my self in such a Labyrinth that the best clue of my invention could not wind me out ; Here did I wander about with my bag on my shoulders ( having not the power in the least to lay it down ) till such time as Aurora begun to usher in the day , when the old chuff entred his Orchard to see what fish his net had caught , resolving with severity to punish the Cains that had stoln away his goods , but instead of a Gudgeon finding but a Sp●at , beholding my Childish years , he could not imagine me to be the Authour of so much wrong as he had received and thereupon altering his resolution of breaking arms and leggs as he first intended , he stepped back to his house , and fetched from thence a great burchin rod , the instrument wherewith he intended to chastise me withal , with much silence he approached unto me ; ( for a words speaking would dissolve the charm ) and having with some strugling untrust my Breeches , laying me over his knee , he began to exercise the office of a Pedagogue upon me ; now I having for some space of time before eaten nothing but green fruit , had gotten a terrible looseness , which with the fright that I was in , and the smart that I felt , wrought such effects in my belly , that opening my posteriors , I discharged a whole volley of excrements in his face . This action of mine made him at once to shut his eyes , open his mouth ▪ and unloose his hands , so that the charm being broken , and my body at liberty , I quickly conveyed my self out of the Orchard , leaving the old catterpillar in a very stinking condition , not to be remedied without the benefit of that cleansing element of water . Warned by this disa●ter , I was very fearful to enter into any more Orchards , and indeed had I met no Remora in my proceedings , yet this trade would soon have failed ; for not long after the Apples were all transplanted out of the Orchard into the Cellar , and winter began to hasten on apace . And now hunger which vvill not be treated vvithal vvithout bread began to reign Lord and King in our Family ; the Chandler vvould let us have no more cheese for chalk , nor ●enny loaves for round O's , we had made a black poast white already with our score , and his belief vvould extend no further to trust us for any more : nay ▪ the very Ale-house-keeper ( to vvhom we vvere such constant Customers ) vvas novv grovvn such a Nullifidian , that he vvould not believe us for small-beer , vvherefore vve vvere forced to make a vertue of necessity , and to prevent starving , our houshold goods marched avvay one after another ; the first thing t●at vve sold vvas the Cupboard as the most unnecessary thing in all the house , having no victuals to put therein ; soon after follovved the Table as an Appendix to it , for seeing the Table vvill hold no victuals thereon for us to eat , we in revenge thereof did eat up the Table ; That with some joynt-stools belonging to it ) being de●●oured and gone , our stomacks were so hot that it soon melted away the pewter dishe● ; for we considered with our selves that good meat might be eaten out of wooden platters then followed the napkins and Table-cloathes , for we were not so much cloyed with fat meat but that a little linnen would serve to wipe the greace off of our fingers ; in fine this pinching hunger was the Habeas Corpus that removed all our goods out of the Hou●e unto the Brokers , and now our dwel●ing place corresponded with our bellies , being alike both empty In this comfortle●s condition we remained for the space of three days , having neither money nor any thing to make money of being thus sadly necessitated , my father and I set our wits upon the Tenter-hooks which way to recruit our decayed estate , many inventions we had for t●at purpose , and present necessity urged us to make a speedy use of one of them which not long after we brought to pass in this manner . It being then winter time , the Evenings long and dark , we bought a Link for three pence , the remainder of our whole estate ; with this about ten of the clock in the night we marc●ed out , resolving to fasten on the fairest opportunity that should present its self to our sight ▪ many streets we traversed , but found not any thing that might answer either our intent or expectation . Coming at last to Basing-lane and casting our wandring eyes into a Shop we there e●pyed a Grocer telling of money on a ●ounter , being lighted only by a single Candle ; this made for our purpose , whereupon my 〈◊〉 planting himself , I boldly entered the Shop , desiring him to give me leave to light my Link ; which being granted I with the same soon popt out his Candle snatching up a handful of mone● ran out of the doors with the same as fast as I could ; the Grocer hasted after me amain , in the mean time my father stept into the Shop , and took away the remainder of the money . My nimbleness had soon out stripped the Grocer , who returned back , found that the Devil migh dance upon his Counter for there was never a cross to keep him from it . About an hour after we met together at home , where having counted our purchase , we found that it amounted to seven pounds eighteen shillings and six pence So long as this money lasted , the pot , the spit ▪ and Pitcher was never idle ; but what was thus got over the Devils back was soon spent under his belly , and ●n a short time we were reduced to as great want as we were in before . Necessity is the best whetstone to sharpen the edge of a mans invention , when the gutts being to grumble against the belly for want of food , Oh in what a confusion is then this little microcosme of ours ? How is the invention rack'd , tortur●d and stretched forth to supply that defect , my hungry belly found this to be too true , which made me set my wits on work for a speedy remedy ; a project quickly came into my head but to effect the same I wanted money ; this was a double task for me to do , but a willing mind overcomes all difficulties , away went I to a Cut●ers , where in the cheaping of one knife , I stole another , and lest the Cutler should mistr●st me , I came up to his price , but pretended I had forgotten my money , and therefore must go home & fetch it this stollen knife I sold for a great , which money I intended for a bait to catch a bigger fish some few streets I traversed before my project would fasten , at last coming to Warwick-lane I saw in a Bacon-shop a fellow standing in a pocket blew apron whose Innocent looks gave me confident hopes of a golden prize , in I went and asked him the price of a pound of Bacon ? six pence boy said he of the Rib , and four pence of the Gammo● ; then give me a pound of the Gammon ( said I and here is a ●roat the whole estate of a poor boy who hath been a long time in getting the same . Whilst he was weighing it I told him I had a curst Mother in la● , who fed me only with a bit and a knock , which made me to go with an empty belly and an heart full of sorrow , that if she should know that I am in possession of so eatable a commodity , she would take it from me , and that she did often search my pockets for that purpose : I therefore desired him to prevent the worst that might happen , to put the same down my back betwixt my doublet and shirt , which whilst he was doing , I leaning my head against him , with a short knife cut the pocket out of his apron , and having thanked him very kindly away I went , leaving my poor Bacon-man with a bottomless pennyless pocket My purchased prize was about thirty shillings , of which some four of it was in brass farthings , but all was currant coyn that came into my hands , for I made no scruple at all in the receiv●ng it ; with this ● returned home , thinking to be received with much joy , as having gotten that in my pocket which would make us all merry , but the case was quite altered from what was before , my Mother was on a sudden fallen sick , my Father pressed for a Soldier , and hurried away . This much abated the edge of my mirth but my years not being capable of much sorrow , although thou●h my Mothers death ensued not long after , yet it was soon over , and ●ndeed her outward condition was so deplorable , it had been ●lmost impiety to have wished her longer life . Now though my cond●tion was bad enough before , yet by my Mothers death it was much worse , I was now left to the wide world friendless , monyless , and pittyless , for not any one of the Neighbors would give me entertainment , expecting no good fruit from the sciens of such a bad stock . To follow my Trade of thieving I began to d●ead , for every line , rope , and halter that I saw , me thoughts did admonish me to leave it off , for fear I came home short at last , and to follow the occupation of begging was then a ●ery bad time to begin in , it being about th● depth of winter : at last I remembred my Mother had a Brother a Barber-Chyrurgion , living in St. Martins ; thither I went , acquainted him vvith his sisters death my own sad condition , and what a boy I vvould prove if it vvould please him to give me ente●tainment ; he being ignorant o● the Trade tha● I drove , and moved vvith compassion at my pittiful tale , told me if I performed vvhat I promised , I should not vvant for any thing he could assist me in ; hereupon I vvas had into the House , and though my Aunt scovvled on me , my Uncle commanded my raggs to be taken off ▪ and a suit of one of my Cousins p●t upon me , as being the more durable , although my own were a thousand strong . Having thus with the snake cast my skin , attained to good diet and lodging , I quickly began to be as brisk as a body lowse , and to vapour amongst the boys like a Crovv in a Gutter , and ( notvvithstanding my promise ) my mind vvas novv vvholly fixt upon Roguery , but in a lovver orb than what I pra●tised before , tending rather to mirth then much mischief ; to do this I had several in●entions according as time and place were convenient ; one of my first exploits was but being sent of an errant to a Grocers shop in a froscy morni●g , where a pan of coals to warme their fingers I secretly convayed therein some Guinney-peper , which set the Prentice in such a vilent coughing fit they were not able to speak to a Cu●tomer , their Mistress hearing this noise below , came running down stairs where scenting the matter , she begen to speak aloud at both ends , and being something laxative by dri●king of Sider , she bewrayed in what a condition she was in by what was scattered on the flour . Sometimes would I in a clean place where wenches were to pass , lay a trane of Gun-pouder , and at the very instant that they went along set fire ●o it which was a great pleasure to my Worship to see ho● the poor Girles would skip and leap , just like a horse when he hath a netle under his tayle . At other times in the night would I tye a ●ine from one side of the street to the other about half a foot high , whereby those that came next were sure to h●ve a fall nay I could not forbeare to act my Rogueries in the Church it self haveing Goo●e quills ● led with lice and fleas , which I would purchase of the Beggars for broken meat ; these would I blow into the necks of the daintiest Gentle women that I could see . At other times would I with a needle and thred ( ●hich I alwayes carried about with me in my p●cket ) ●ow mens cloaks and womens Gownes together as they stood in the Crowd , so that when they went a way , there would be such pulling of one another , that they would never leave until one of there Garments had a peice of it rent out Amongst other instruments of mischief where-with I exercised my self , one was a hallow trunck to shoot with , in which I was such an Artist that I seldom mist hitting the mark I aimed at ; and that I might be the better undiscovered I on purpose brake a hole in the glass window , through which I used to shoot at my pleasure , scarce could an Oyster-wench , or Kitching-stuff-wench pass by , but I would hit her on the neck , hands , or some naked place , which would set her a rayling and scolding for a quarter of an hour together at she knew not whom . One Monday morning a Shoomakers maid had been fetching a great Pitcher of Beer for the Crispins to begin their weeks work withall ; now as she sailed along with the Pitcher in her hand , which with the weight thereof drew her quite a one side , to prevent the Wenches growing crooked thereby I level'd so right that I hit her on the fingers , so that down came the Pitcher and with the weight thereof brake all in pieces , and spilt the good liquor , the poor Wench cryed pittifully , the Crispins stormed for loosing their mornings draughts , and being informed it was I that did it , they vowed to be revenged one me , which not long after they brought to pass . For I that could not live without Roguery , no more then a ●ish without water , still continued my trade , notwithstanding all their threats . One day whilst I was watching for my prey , thorow the hole of the glass window aforesaid , there came by a man with a basket of drinking glasses on his head ; scarce was h● past me , when I saluted him with a dirt-bullet on the Calf of his Leg , , which made him give such a leap , that down came the basket with the glasses clattering upon the stones making such a murther amongst them that never was a Citizen ( though he owed ten thousand pound more than he was worth ) so much broken as they . The fellow seeing his glasses thus mor●ified cursed most bitterly breathing forth nothing but revenge , if he did but know who it was that did it . I who was conscious of my own guilt , hearing him so to thunder thought some of his anger might lighten on me , and therefore to prevent the worst , I ran up the stairs , and hid my self under the bed ; but he that hath a bad name is worse then half hang'd , the Shoomakers who I had mischiefed before , right or wrong said positively that it was I , urging him on to revenge him self on my Uncles glass-windows ; the fellow who was easily induced to believe what they said , and to a●t accordingly made no more ado but up with his empty basket , and to revenge his quarrel made such havock of the windows , that there was scarcely ever a q●arrel left O how did my Uncle look and my Aunt scold to see their house thus metamorpho●ed into the shape of a Bawdy-house ; but it was in vain for them to complain every one took the mans part and laid all the blame of the mischief upon me ; hereupon was a privy search made all the house over for me and being found my poor buttocks paid full dearly for the breaking the windows , my Aunt standing by all the while to see execution done upon me , and urging my Uncle on to beat me ▪ for which I cursed her in my heart most bitterly . CHAP. V. He d●scovers his Aunts playing loose with a Shopkeeper , his uncles invective against Women . His Aunt and the Maid joyn together , and by a blind wager make him to be laughed and hooted at by the boys , he is s●undly revenged on them both for the same . MY Aunts unkindness to me vexed me to the heart , so that I vowed t● my self to be revenged on her ; the print of the rod did not stick so fast on my buttocks , as the remembrance of her words did stick in my mind ; Io was not so watched by A●gus as I watched her , for I knew that Women were subject to many faults , and my Aunt as subject as any of t●e rest ; One Shopkeeper used constantly to haunt our house , not a day passed in which we had not his company : This Man my Uncle entertained with very much respect , for what reason I know not , unless it were that of the Poets : Experience plainly doth unto us show , Cuckolds are kind to them that make them so . One day my Uncle went forth to dress a Patient , no sooner was be gone but the Shopkeeper wa● there ; Now our whole Family consisted only of four persons , my Uncle and Aunt , a Maid and my self ; in order therefore for their more privacy , the Maid was sent to the M●rket to buy eggs , and my self had liberty to go forth to play ; I kindly thanked my Aunt for this courtesie , and taking my hat , with a seeming forwardness , pretended to go forth : but clapping to the doo● on the insid● , I softly sneaked back and hid my self under the stairs , where undiscerned I could plainly see all the passages between my Aunt and the Shopkeeper . He thinking us gone , took my Aunt by the hand , and clasping his arm about her neck , fell to kissing her with as much eagerness as a hungry dog snatcheth at a bone , no doubt but her li●● were very sweet , for he was still hanging at them as if he had taken a lease of them for three lives ; at last my Aunt began to struggle ( I suppose for want of breath ) and opening her mouth ( which I wisht a hundred times had been closed eternally ) she thus said to him : Nay yish , why do you thus trifle ? now that the Coast is clear , let us take time by the fore-lock , lest we be prevented of our design , in sooth you are so long about the prologue , as may chance to marr the Comedy ; make not such a long stop at the porch , but enter loves Cittadel , and ransack all her treasures , and so giving him a short kiss , hand in hand up stairs they went. No sooner were they gone , but I slipt out of my peeping hole , and coming to the door at the stairs foot , softly looked the same , and putting the key in my pocket , with as little noise conveyed my self out of the house . Thus whilst they were playing their game ▪ I resolved to play mine , and hiring a Porter , sent him to my Uncle , to certifie him that my Aunt was swounded away , and laid upon the bed in such a condition as would grieve him to the heart to ●ehold it , desiring him to make all the ha●t home that possibly he could ; and having given him his me●sage , I stept aside to a neighbours house to observe ( when my Uncle came home ) how the project would take . The Porter quickly dispatched his errand , and my Uncle suddenly posted home , where entring the hou●e and finding not any one within , he began first to call for the Maid , then for me , and last of all for my Aunt ; but receiving no answer , he attempted to go up stairs , when the locksmiths daughter denyed him entrance . The two Lovers ( who by this time h●d verified the saying to be true , that a man may be made a Cuckold in the short t●me of going to a Neighbours house , as well as going a voyage to the West-Indies ) hearing my Uncle below ; were almost distracted with this surprize , my Aunt dreaded my Uncles anger , knowing him to be of a very chollerick disposition ; and the poor Shopkeeper feared to be served as the Country clown served the Curate whom he took in bed with his Wife , and whom he thus menaced : Make me a Cuckold , reading Rogue No Pulpit serve but Susan's , Must Susans smock your surplice be ? I le take away that Nusance . And though Priest wept , and wife did beg , Churl slighted words and tears . And at one gash from Curate took Musket and Bandaliers . The fear of loosing his Genitals , made him to shake worse than if he had had a Tertian Ague , and therefore to prevent it he crept underneath the Bed ; whilst my Aunt went down stairs intending to smother up all with a dissembling kiss ; but when she saw the door was fast , and my Uncle asking her why she locked it ? she could not tell what answer to make at present ▪ but being well principled in the misteries of Venus , she soon recollected her self , and with a sorrowful voice ( as if she had been sick of a Feaver for a fortnight together ) she pewled out these words : oh dear Husband ( said she ) I was lately taken with such a great sweaming in my head , as not able to sit up lo●ger , I was forced to go up stairs and lye down upo● the bed ▪ in the mean time I suppose your unhappy ki●sman ( who minds nothing but mischief ) hath in revenge of me , for causing him to be beaten locked the door and thrown away the key . Whilst she was thus exclaiming on me , I came in puffing and blowing as seeming quite orewearied with play as if ignorant of what had happened , asked very earnestly what was the matter ? My Aunt though she were mued up like a hawk , yet hearing my tongue , could not forbear to vend her spleen against me in these words : You impudent young Rogue ( said she ) do you act mischief and then pl●ad ignorance ? O that I were but well for thy sake , I would make every limb of thee feel the weight of my displeasure , concluding her invective with as horrid a yelling as an old Woman grown hoarse with cr●ing of Sprats or a company of dogs when they ●ark at the Moon . My Uncle who was of the same nature that other Cuckolds a●e commonly of , to believe whatsoever their Wives do say unto them : hearing her so positively to affirm it was I that did it he began presently to ransack my pockets for the key , protesting if he found the same about me , he would make me an example of his severity . But I who always dreaded vvhat might ensue to prevent such after claps , had before bestowed the ●ame in a house of office . No sooner had my Uncle examined my pockets , ( where was not any thing to be found that might do me a prejudice ) but I began to enveigh against my Aunts malice in blaming my innocency , and to perswade him it could be no other then some thief , who whilst my Aunt slept , having locked the door , had hid himself in one of the Chambers . This though it carried but little show of probability in i● , yet the fear of loosing his Mammon made him believe any thing , and therefore presently sent me for a Smith to break open the door which being done , we all three ascended the stairs to search for this hidden thief , although my Aunt vehemently urged the contrary ▪ alleadging it was impossible that any one should go up the stairs but she must needs hear them ; however my Uncle would not be so pacified , but searching about , he at last spyed the poor Shop-keeper as he lay shaking underneath the bed half dead with fear . But when he saw who it was , turned to my Aunt he said You impudent whore , do you abuse me thus ? you could feign sickness with a pox to you , when you were so rampant as to Cornut● me in my absence ; is this your pretended chastity and reservation ? I shall take a time when to be even with you ; In the mean time Master Shopkeeper ( said he ) I will have my penny-worths out of you , and thereupon falling on him with his fists , ( anger giving him at once both strength and courage ) he so buffeted the Shop-keeper , that had not the Smith interposed , I suppose he would go near to have killed him ▪ but after an hundred or above of blows , the Smith stepped in betwixt them , giving the Shop-keeper liberty to run away , bearing along with him the marks of my Uncles anger , which he wore as badges in his face for a long time after . My Aunt seeing how bad the Shop-keeper had sped , and knowing the business too apparent to be denied , fell down on her knees , desiring my Uncle to pardon her for what was past , and protesting amendment for the time to come ; this her humiliation much mollified the edge of my Uncles anger , who instead of beating her ( which I heartily wished ) fell a railing on the whole Sex of women in general , in these or the like words . O Nature ! why didst thou create such a plague for men as women ; how happy were men had they never been ; Oh why could not Nature infuse the gift of procreation in men alone without the help of women ? then should we never be acquainted with the deceitful devices of those Devils , Harpies , Cockatrices , the very Curse of man , dissembl●ng monsters , only patcht up to cozen and gull men ; borrowing their hair from one , Comp●exions from another , nothing their own that 's pleasing , all dissembled , not so much as their very breath is sophisticated with amber pellets and kissing causes , and all to train poor man unto his ruine . A woman she 's an Angel at ten , a Saint at fifteen , a Devil at forty , and a witch at fourscore , so stuft with vice as leaves no place for vertue to inhabit ; of such crooked conditions , and corrupt actions , that if all the world were paper , the Sea Ink , trees and plants , pens , and all men Clerks , Scribes , and Notaries , yet would all that paper be scribled over , the Ink wasted ▪ pens worn to the stumps , and all the Scriveners weary , before they could describe the hundredth part of a womans wickedness , so that I may very well conclude with the Poet , There is not one good woman to be found ; And if one were ▪ she merits to be Crown'd . This my uncles invective puts me in mind of a story which I have heard since , concerning the scarcity of good women , that above five hundred years ago there was a great sickness almost throughout the whole world , wherein there dyed forty four milions , eight hundred seventy two thousand , six hundred and eighty three good women , and of bad women only two hundred and fourteen ; by reason whereof there ha●h been such a scarcity of good women ever since , the whole breed of them being then almost utterly extinct Never was Prentice more subject to a Master then my Aunt was to my Uncle after the discovery of her leachery ; his desires were commands , and those commands laws which were by her put in speedy execution , if he bid her go , she would run ; do that , it was no sooner said then done , but the greatest mirac●e of all was , that if she were never so busie in talking , yet if he said but peace , she would suddenly hold her tongue , which before used to be in perpetual motion and was as hard to be stopped as a stream when it hath over-flown its banks , or the sails of a mill when the wind blows in its greatest violence , so that a serene sky seemed to have succeeded that storm that all things were pacified , and that my Uncle had contente●ly put his horns in his pocket . But though she carried fair weather in her countenance , she had storms of revenge in her heart towards me ; for she did more then conjecture that it was I which had caused her all this mischief ; and therefore since she durst not vend her spleen upon me her self , she used the help of her Maid , who brought the same to pass after this manner One evening ( my Uncle being abroad ) whilst she , the maid , and I were sitting alone by the fire after some other discourse the maid proffer'd to lay a wager with me that I could not blind solded with my tongue lick forth a six pence from betwixt her breasts , this I thought so ea●y a thing to do , that I willingly laid a shilling with her on the same , and presently accorded for to be blinded : which whilst she was doing ▪ my Aunt ( ●s it was before agreed ) stepped forth of doors and called in a Boy who was to act their de●ign , as also some of the Neighbours to be spe●tators of this my folly . Now instead of the maids breasts the Boye● hose were put down ▪ and his naked breech exposed to be the object for me to lick whch I greedily persued , but presently hearing a gigling , and scenting a rank smell , I soon desisted as being very apprehensive what the matter was . But when I was unblinded a●d beholding my shame before my eyes , I hung down my bead and look't like a dog that had stole a pudding much blaming my credulity , and bitterly cursing the great cause of that thei● joll●ty For a long time after I could not walk the streets , I was ●o laughed and hooted at by the Boys , my Aunt and t●e maid having spread the same abroad in every plac● flesh and blood could not endure this , to see my e●emies 〈◊〉 in my shame , so that noth●ng now run in my mind but revenge , the very thought of mis●hief was more sweet unto me than Mu●adu●e and eggs , and from I thought upon a way for to do it . One of our Neighbours ( who beared as little love to my Aunt , as she did to me , o● loyalty to my Uncle ) having a burning Glass , I imparted my project unto him , who applauding my in●ention , willingly lent me the same ; thus sitted with an Instrument , I soon found out an opportunity ●o work my revenge . My Aunt being extreamly proud , used to wear Lawn R●●fs of a great value . One Sun-shiny day , sitting in the Shop a sowing with her lack towards me , I took the burning glass and by attra●●ing the Sun beams set her Ruffs on a same about her neck , which made her to shreik and bellow m●st hideously ; whereupon I started up and as if a●●righted snatched up a payl of dirty water away from the Maid wherewith she vvas washing the Kitchin , and poured the same on my Aunts head ; this ( though it made her to look like a Bawd that was newly alighted from the Cart wherein she had ridden for the sin of Leachery ) did she take as a great courtesie at my hands , having thereby extinguisht the fire wherein otherwise she might ( she said ) have perisht ; not in the least judging it was I that did it , but imputing it as a just Judgment upon her for her intollerable pride , and vovving thereafter to be more humble in her carriage & loving unto me . Now tho●gh I thought I had plenary satisfaction for my abu●e , of my Aunt , yet I resolved that the maid should in no case go scot-free , but that her disgrace should be equal with mine ; Being thus resolved , I procured some Emmets Egs by the help of a Country-man ; the nature of which are , that being taken in broth , posset , ale , or the like , they ●ill set the parties so on farting as if they would break their very twatling strings therewith . The very next day after I had gotten them , my Uncle had invited some Guests to dinner wherefore I resolved to put my resolution in execution then . That morning the maid to stren then her the better to go through her work , had provided her self a Candle she being of the same nature that most women are of , to know very well what is good for themselves ) no sooner was her back turned , but I conveyed the Eggs into the same , which she ver● freely drank off , but presently her Belly began to wamble and her back-side proclaimed aloud that she was very much troubled with Wind ; such loud reports she gave , and so fast they came one after another , that the Good wife in the tale of the Fryer and the Boy , was a meer nothing to her . I could not forbear laughing if I should have been hang●d to hear how fast she trumpt it about , vvhich gave her occasion to mistrust that I had done something unto her , but vvhen she vvent to rail at me ; her tongue could not be heard for the exceeding noise that she made with her tail . By this time my Aunt was come down off her chamber , but hearing how the Maid talkt to her at both ends , she could not forbear laughing neither , which vexed the Maid worse then before . My Uncle hearing the great noise that was made , came also to see what was the matter , but Iane ( for so was the Maids name ) was so ashamed that she could not speak one word for blushing , only that her tail proclaim'd that she had a very great Civil War within her belly : poor Jane did all she could to hold it in , but it would not do , but out it f●ew with such impetuosity , that my Uncle could less forbear then we , but laughed as if he would have split himself . This treb●le noise of laughter made Iane to think that we had all conspired against her ▪ wherefore she got into her chamber , and notwithstanding dinner was to dress , yet locking the door , all the Rhe●orick that could be u●ed to her , could not prevail with her to quit her Chamber all that day . Next morning ( her body being now in a quiet temper ) she appeared out of berden but who should then have seen her looks might plainly perceive how anger and shame strove which should have most predominancy in her , at first her clack began to go , but my Aunt pacifying her , she fell to her work as she was accustomed . Now overnight I had so divulg'd it among the boys , that when that forenoon she was sent to market , she had not been far out of doors , but she had a hundred boys at her heels , farting with their mouths , and making such loud hoots and hollows that she was forced to return back again , where inclosing her self within her chamber till night , she packt up her cloaths , and in the dusk of the Evening departed away whither I never saw her afterwards . CHAP. VI. Some abuses of Chyrurgions , the knavery of Tapsters , Hostle●s , and Chamberlains ; with a brief character of a drunken Host. HAving now attained to about twelve years of age my Uncle began to instruct me somewhat in his art of Chyrurgery , intending when I had attained to some small perfection therein ▪ to send me to Sea , although my mind never stood that way , resolving not to be mue●d up in a wooden Cage , where there was but some few inches distance continually betwixt me and death . In this small tract of time that I was thus employed with my Uncle , I found out much cunningness in his art whereby to gain mony , for if it were but a prickt finger , he would make a great matter of it and tell you what danger you had been in if you had but staid a minute longer instancing how such a one his Patient by only cutting of a Corn , and drawing blood is turned to a Gangreen , which by bad handling of unskilful Chyrurgions growing worse and worse , they were at last inforced to send for him , who in a few days made him perfectly sound ; that otherwise ( had he not come to him ) must inevetably have perisht . Now because monyed Customers were something rare , when they did come we made b●th their bodies and purses smart for it , lengthning out the healing of their wounds , the better to wiredraw their purses , Indeed we were not so much beholding to the Wars , as we were to the Stews , unless sometimes a Tavern quarrel brought us a Patient ; but then what a brave incitement we had to make him part with his money , telling him he might recover that and ten times more of his Adversary , that we would be witness for him , and that if he had not met with a skilful Chyrurgeon , it would have cost him his life ; when as perhaps it was but a little scratch , his ●lock-head being too hard for ●o receive any deep wound . One story of a Patient I shall relate , not so much to show the rarity of his cure , but the malice of a woman which occasioned his hurt . The fellow by his profession was a Plaisterer , who had a most damnable scold to his Wife . That used to fetch him from the Ale-house with a Hor●e-pox ; one night coming home three quarters drunk , she acted the part of Zantippe and made the house to ring with her s●●lding ; th●s musick was so untur●●●e in her Husban●s ears that getting a Cudgel in his hands , he fell to belabouring her as Seamen do stock fis● , until he made her to ask him forgiveness , and promise him never to ●cold so again : Having thus as he t●ought got an absolute conquest over her tongue , he went quietly to bed , where he slept soundly whilst she lay awake studying of mischief . In the morning bef●re he wake't she examin'd his pockets for mony 〈◊〉 common tricks of a great many Women ) but 〈◊〉 nothing in them , save only some lath-nails , 〈◊〉 did she take and set upright all a●out the Cha●●●●er● which done she gets a pail of water in her hand● , and calling aloud , commands him to rise , which he refused to do she throws the pail of water upon the bed , this so vext him that starting suddenly up , he went to run after her , when his naked feet lighting upon the lath nails , he was forced to slacken his pace , being so mortified with them , that for three quarters of a year afterwards he lay under my Uncles hands . But to return where I left . I had not been long at the Trade , when my Uncle one day walking down to Wapping , provided me of a Master to go to Sea , which ( as ● told you before ) I was fully resolved against , and therefore very peremptorily I told him that I would not go , which so incensed him that he vowed that I should not stay any longer in his house , I was the less troubled at his words , becau●e the day before I had heard of a Tapster in an Inn not far off that wanted a Boy ; thither therefo●e went I and proffered my service unto him , which he as readily accepted , and the same night was I entertained into the House , he having heard the cause of my departure from my Uncle , for which he rather blamed him than me . Now was I in my Kingdom having store of company , and my fill of strong drink , which two things I dearly loved . I applyed my self to my calling very diligently , and soon learned to cry 〈◊〉 Sir , and By and by , with as much alacrity as the best Tapsters Boy in ●hristendom . My Master taught me how to nick the Canns and f●oth the Jugs and with the crotched chalk to score up two flaggons for one , and I quickly found the way when Company was d●inking to take away flaggons before they were half empty ▪ and full Tobacco-pipes amongst the foul ones . When Company first came in , I always observed to bring them of the best liquor , but when they were half drunk , then that which run on ●ilt , or the drappings of the ta● should serve their turn ; if they found fault , I would take it away to change it , but nevertheless they should be sure to pay for it , as if they had drunk it : One thing I observed of my Master ; that if the Reckoning once came to be above three shillings , he would be sure to bring in 6 pence or eight pence more than it was , then when the Company were going away he would say Nay stay Gentlemen and take my half dozen Cans before you go , which most commonly produced another reckoning , the Gentlemen knowing not how to retalliate his kindness without doing so , by this means getting their money with thanks to boot . If Gentlemen brought Tobacco of their o●n , we would say it stunk were it never so good , and feigning a Cough as if half stifled cry out , Who is ●t that takes of this stinking stuff ? this is enough to s●ffocate the Devil . Which would make some Gentlemen to throw away their pipes and say . Pox on this Groc●r he hath cheated me damnably come give us three p●pes of your Tobacco , which when they have had they wou●d commend for superexcellent although perhaps twelve pence in the pound worse than his own , by which may be proved that Tobacco is nothing e●se but a meer fancy . I seeing my master cozen Gentlemen so frequently thought with my self that I might cozen them al●● , or at least wise cozen my Master who so often cozened others , being warranted thereto by that of the Poet. Cozen the Cozener , commonly they be Profain , let their own snare their ruine be . And therefore when he was out of the way , to the reckoning , I would add a groat , six pence , eight pence , or twelve pence , according as it was in bigne●s which yet I would also score up , lest if he came in the way before it was paid and should tell the score , I might be mistrusted ; but i● I received the money before he came , then the over-plus went into my pocket ▪ which could not be discovered when the chalk was wiped out . In Summer , when people drank in Cans , if my Master were in company ( as oft-times he was invited by Guests to drink with them ) we had a Can with a false bottom that held not above a quarter of a pint , which in the delivery of them I always so ordered as that Can came to his hands , which he would drink off leisurely , and then turning the bottom upwards , it past undiscerned , saving thereby much beer in a day keeping himself sober to drink in other companies . In Winter for mornings draughts we furnished our Guests with Gravesend toasts , which is bread toasted over night , our plenty of Guests not permitting us to do it in the morning ; if we put any of them into drink before our Guests ( as sometimes we were forced to do ) we would be sure to warm the beer or ale before-hand , and in putting in the toast cry siz● , although it were as cold as a stone . But my Ma●ter and I were not all the cozeners that belonged to the Inn , the Hostler claimed as great a share in that mistery as we . His chief cunning consisted in tallowing Horse-teeth that they should not eat no Hay , or when a Gentleman gave his Horse oats no sooner was his back turned , but he would steal them half away telling the Gentleman , his Horse must 〈◊〉 ●av●d w●ll 〈…〉 his Meat . If a Gentlemans saddle we●● any thing ●orn he would be sure to make it so ●ad , that he could not ri●e no further with it without mending , as also to spoil the shooes on the Horses feet , that he must be forced to have new ones , for which he had pensions from the Smith a●d the Sadler . Nor m●st I here forg●t the Chamberlain , who d●served to be rancked with the foremost for Roguery ; he was a ●ly thief , and used to cheat Guests with foul sheets , p●etending them to be clean , when as they had been lain in three or four times , and then a little water strowed on them ▪ and foulded up and prest ▪ made them seem as if new washt . He w●s a very diligent observer of Gentlemens Cloak-●ags ▪ whether they had good si●ver linings in them o● no which if he found to be ponderous , his next ●●re was to inquire what Country men they were , which way they travelled , and the like , which having found , he gave intelligence accordingly to a Gang of Highway-men , with whom he was in continual pay . These were the Servants that belonged to this 〈◊〉 such a parcel of Canary-birds as well deserved 〈◊〉 look through a Hempen Ca●ement at the three ●●●●er'd renement in the High-way betwixt London and 〈◊〉 too . Were not tho●e Guests well blest ●●●nk ye , which hapned in such a place where none but knaves , thieves , and cheate●s were their attendants ? Now you cannot but imagine that the Master of such Servants was well worthy of his place , I shall ●herefore only give you a brief character of the Host him●elf , and so preceed on in my discourse . He seemed by his bulk to be of the race of the old Gyants , and though his belly were not so big as the run at He●a●burgh , yet a flaggon of beer therein seemed no more then a man in ●auls . He commanded with as much imperiousness , as if he were the great Cham of Tartaria , and had an excellent faculty to strut along the streets with the top of his staff bobbing against hi●●ips , he could call the young wenches Whores with a great grace ; and when he took tobacco , his mouth vented smoak like the funnel of a Chimney . He much blamed the E●glish for affecting to drink Wine preferring beer and ale before all forraign liquors whatsoever . To show his loving nature he would drink with all companies , and would toss off a Can with celerity and dexterity . He would not be jealous , though he saw another man kissing his Wife , knowing such her familiarity to be the greatest ●o●d-stone that attracted Guests to his ho●se in sum his forenoons work was to scoop in beer by the Quart and the most part of the afternoon to spend in sleeping . In this house I wasted away my time nigh three quarters of a year , but then a sad accident befel my Master , which left me again to shift for my self ; he had belike ●een dabling in private with Prudence , one of the maids belonging to the house , I know not what the business was , but she looked so bigly on him that he could not endure her sight , and therefore to avoid it , he privately put off his C●llar to another , and having received his money , marched off ●●cognito , leaving me to t●e wide world ; for this new Tapster having a boy of his own , dismissed me to shift for my self . CHAP. VII . The cheats of Cooks , a story of the Spirit in the Buttery , he steals a silver bowl ▪ the Cozenages of Astrologers , the death of his Father being k●lled in a drunken brangling , the abuses of Nurses , and keepers of sick people , his Master dyeth , the knavery of his Executor both in his Trade and Office ; he lives with a Lock-smith , the knavery of that trade . LOng I was not without a Master , being entertained into a Cooks service , of which I rejoyced not a little , being in good hope however the World went , that I should not be starved in a Cooks shop , one extraordinary priviledge I had by living in this service , for if the old Proverb be true , that the 〈◊〉 bone , the sweeter the flesh , then I always eat of the sweetest dyet , my dyet being to pick the bones that came off of Gentlemens Tables . During the time that I lived here , although I had been a young wench , I should not needed to have feared being troubled wi●h the Green sickness , running up ●nd down stairs so many score times in a day would have cured me of that malady those that had seen my nimbleness would have absolutely judged that my shooes were made of cork , I was as light heel●d as she who hath made her Husband a Cucko●d seven and twenty times over . My Master drave a great trade , not only in boil'd meat and roast meat , but also in baking small pies , which the Women cryed up and down the streets for him . Every Friday I observed we had brought in a Porters basket full or two of pieces of raw meat , which though me thought they smelt very unsavoury , yet were they made use of , some minced , others pepper●d and salted , and put into pie , ere the week went about they all marcht off . I wondred for a great while from whence this meat came at last I was informed by one of the Prentices , that it was such pieces as were cut off the stinking raw hides , that were brought into Lea●e●hall to sell there on Fridays ; bless me thought I , what deceit is here ! then did I think on the old Proverb , that the blind eats many a fly . No marvel that sicknesses are so ri●e since such unw●olsome food must needs introduce them . Now because those pieces of meat were lean and dry , they used to mix with them such fat pieces of meat as Gentlemen left , adding thereto some dripping , and such like stuff , which all together made a gallant hodg podg for hungry stomacks . To roast meat twice over is so commonly now used amongst most Cooks that I think I shall not need to mention this as a rarity in my Master ; and yet would not that , nor what I mentioned before , nor his buying of Carrion , such meat as would have dyed alone had it not been killed , being diseased or maimed ▪ and selling it for good ; all this ( I say ) vvould not do , notvvithstanding all his great pains , but still he vvent backvvards in the World , vvhich puts me in mind of a story that I have heard some vvhile ago , concerning an evil spirit that haunts the houses of such persons who use unconscionable vvays vvhereby to grow rich , which though it be nothing as conc●rning my life , yet I think it not amiss to relate the same , as being not altogether impertinent to our pu●pose . In the City of Bristol ( a place which may c●mpare vvith the choicest o● England for the fairness of the buildings , and richness of trading ) vvithin the memory of our Fathers , there lived a you●g man named Fra●cisco who although Prentice to a Baker , yet when his Time came out set up the Trade of a ●ook . This young man was very desirous to gain a great Estate quickly , and so impatient he was of being rich on a sudden , that he resolved to leave no means unattempted which should lye in his way whereby he might effect his desire , for so ●e might gain ▪ he stood not upon what means whereby he might do it ▪ bad infected meat he sold for good , nickt h●s Cans froath his Jugs , scored up two flaggons for one , yea what not ? but all his endeavours arrived 〈◊〉 to that height which he expected for notvviths●anding he went forvvard in Trading , do what he could he went ba●kwards in thriving . This Francisco had a Priest to his Uncle , that lived about some 20 miles off him ▪ vvho had bestovved some small matter on him vvhen his Time came out vvhere●y to set him up and tvvo years being expired he repaired to his Nephevv to see hovv fortune had favoured him , and vvhether he had made any improvement of that little he had given him . The Nephevv entertained him kindly , and feasted him royally , but vvhen his Uncle asked him hovv the World vvent vvith him , he could not chuse but sigh , telling him vvhat endeavours he had u●ed whereby to increase his Estate ▪ but that all p●●ved fruitle●s . Ah Cozen ( said the old Man ) come along with me , and I will show you the thief that steals away all your gains , and thereupon taking him by the hand he led him into the Cellar , where when they were come , they beheld a big fellow vvith a paunch like a tun , his eyes strutting out vvith fatness , his thighs like to mill-posts so unvveildy that he could hardly go : there they saw him gurmandizing on the cold meat th●t was left , devouring more in a minute then six hungry Plough-men could do in half an hour : after he had so eaten , he takes a flaggon in his hand , and of the best beer , svvallovvs dovvn five or six of them full one after another , vvhich being done he vanisht avvay : this Cousin ( said the Priest ) is the Spirit of the Buttery , vvho so long as you use unconscionable vvays by cheating of people , hath povver over vvhat you have , vvhich he vvill so invisibly devour , that do vvhat you can for th● gaining of an estate , it is but all in vain ; and therefore if you intend to thrive , you must take a clean contrary course to vvhat you have done , and by dealing honestly , there is no question but a blessing will follow upon your endeavours . The young man promised very faithfully to do according to his Uncles directions , who thereupon returned home again : accordingly when his Uncl● was gone ▪ he began to work a thorow reformation , bought of the best meat , sold good penny-worths , filled his flaggons , scored right , and dealt justly in all his acting , doing this , he quickly begins to thrive in the world , grows rich , purchases house and land , and hath a great stock by him besides ; in so much that his wealth being taken notice of , he was soon after chosen one of the Aldermen of the City . His Uncle afterwards comes again to visit him , to whom he relates his change of condition , and how God had blest him with a plentiful estate Now Cousin ( said the old Priest ) let us again visit your Cellar ; when they came there , they beheld a thin , lean , meager fac'd fellow , one that seemed more like an Anatomy than a man ; his ribbs appeared through his Cloathes , his eyes were sunk into his head , his cheeks look●d like to shriveld parchment , and his legs ( which were no bigger than cat-sticks that boys use at trap-ball ) were so , weak as would hardly support his body . He went to a platter of cold meat , but had not strength enough to lift it up to his head ; afterwards he assayed to draw some beer , but could not pul the tap out of the fasset , so that seeing his endeavours were in vain , with a deep sigh he vanisht away . Now Nephew ( said the old Priest ) you may plainly perceive what it was that hindred you from thriving before and therefore now since you are throughly instructed whereby to be rich , I shall take my leave of you , wishing with all my heart that all of your profession would leave off their cheating and cozening tricks ▪ and take the same course of life whereby to thrive as you have done . Now , said he , what think you of this discourse ? is this quite besides the matter or no ? in truth ( quoth ) I , I think it is very pertinent to the purpose , and I wish all tradesmen would follow the example , for when they have done all they can ; they will find in the end that honesty is the best policy , and to deal justly the high-way to grow rich : the best bed-fellow to sleep with is a good conscience , and well doing ( were there no reward for it in the world to come ) yet were it a sufficient recompence in it self . But leaving this discourse , as that which is rather to be wished for , than ascertained to be practised in this evil age of ours ▪ let me entred you to proceed in the discourse of your life , as a thing whithal much desire to hear . That shall I gladly do , said hed know then that after I had been at this tooks som● small space of time , my Father returned home from being a Soldier , in that Voyage he was prest out as I told you of before , now though he did not go out full , he returned home more empty than he went out ; without cloaths , and without money to buy any ; and which was worst so pinched with hunger , that he looked like a scare-crow , or one newly risen from the dead . It grieved my heart to see him in this condition , but how to remedy it I did not know ; some little money I had which was left of that I ●nipt in the Tapsters service , which I very reely bestowed upon him , but alas that was gone as soon almost as received , and I having no more to supply him , he asked me if we had no Plate , that went about house ? I told him we had ; then ( said he ) to furnish me , you must at such a time as your house is full of Guests upon their going away convey a silver bowl into a secure place , which you may afterwards deliver for me to one whom I will send for that purpose , for I will not come to your house my self , because there shall be no suspition of me : I promised him to do as he bid me , appointing him the time when he should send the man , which was the next day , accordingly he came and I delivered him a large silver bowl , which he carried cleverly away . At night when my Master came to lock up his plate , the best bowl was missing , which put all the house into disorder , my Master swore , my Mistress scolded the Servants grumbled but who to blame not any one could tell ; onely the maid said she saw it in my hand that afternoon for which I wisht her ●ongue in a clest stick , but stoutly denyed that I had seen it that day : indeed my Master had a great conceit of my honesty or else her bawling might have discovered me , for had they charg'd me with it strongly , I should not have had the impudence to have stood out in the denyal of it , having that within me which strongly checked me for doing it . But after some small inquisition about it , it was generally agreed that some of the Guests had stollen it away ; then next was inquiry made what several companies we had that day , and which of them was the most to be suspected ; but the more they thought , the worse they were satisfied not one appearing more probable than another ; therefore it was agreed by a general consent , that the next morning the maid and I should go to a cunning Astrologer about it , one who was cryed up for art to be little inferior to Fryer Bacon , for though he could not make a brazen head to speak , yet he had such a brazen face of his own , as could out fac● the Devil himself for lying . I was not afraid to go , though I knew my own ●uilt , because I always judged that Art to be a meer cheat , and though they lay their nets very plausibly to take the people ; yet they seldom catch any but owls and wood-cocks . Knocking at the door , Master Astrologer came out unto us so wraped up in his Purple Gown that you could scarcely see ere an honest limb of him ; he had on his head a black cap with a white one under it , which was turned up some part over the black one , that it looked like a black Jack tipt with silver . After we had discovered our business unto him , he told us the price of his Art vvas a shilling whether he found out the thief or no ; we knew it was in vain for us to contend with him , and therefore we very freely gave it him , by which he perceived that the stars were very au●pitious to him in that hour , or else ( for ought I know ) he might have gone without his mornings draught . When he had received our money he very formally set himself down in a Chair , having a piece of white-paper before him , and then taking a pen in his hand , he made thereon several Triangles and Quadrangles , with other Crotchets and Whimsies which he called the twelve Houses . Jupiter said he being Lord of the Ascendent , signifies good luck for the gaining your Cup again , did not Mars interpose with an evil aspect towards Mercury . Now Venus being on the fiery Trigon denotes the party that had it lives either East or West ; and Saturn being Retrograde , and in the Cusp of Taurus , it must needs be that it is hidden under ground either North or South . Then asked he us if there were not a red hair'd man there that day ? vve told him no , nor a black hair'd man neither said he ? vve still answer'd no ; nor vvas there not ( said he ) a brovvn hair'd man there , with grey Cloaths , not very tall , nor very low ? we told him yes ; then asked he us if we knew him or no ? we answered no. The Sun said he being ill posited in the eleventh House , and Mercury in Trine with Virgo , it was without all doubt a brown haired man that had your bowl . Then asked I him if it might not be a woman as well as a man ? this put him something to his trumps , but when the maid said that could not be , for there was never a strange woman there all that day ; he grew bold and answered no ; for Venus said he being weak in reception with Gemini , and the Moon in her detriment , both Feminine Planets does plainly tell that it was a man , and one betwixt forty and fifty years of age . Upon my life said the Maid , I saw the party that had it , he was a curled pated fellow , with a whitish cloak and a sad coloued suit about 30 years of age , he dined in the half Moon , and had six worth of roast Beef to his dinner but if ever I see the Rogue agen I le teach him to steal bowls with a murrain to him I could not chuse but laugh to my self at the wenches confidence and the chea● of the Astrologer , and to think how poor silly people are cozened by these Jugling-Artists ; for no better term can I give them as believing no truth at all in their praedictions ; for let me ask them this question , whether the Stars do compel or only encline ? if they say they compel , they speak little less than blasphemy , by ascribing too much to Nature , and derogating from the Deity . If they only enclined then what sure ground work can there be for what they say , when their conjectures are but only probable ? And for their Doctrine of nativities that if a man be born u●der such a Planet , his destiny will be so and so , and he will come to such an end ; we see oft times that in a barrel ●a Canon bullet kills five or six at one instant , who no doubt were born under several Planets , and yet come all to one fate ; or if they say it is possible so many might be born under one and the self same Planet and aspects ; yet let me go further with them ; we have known battels at Sea , when by an unhappy shot a ship hath sunk in an instant with six or seven hundred men in her , who have all been drowned in the deep . Will they say thes● were all born under one Planet ▪ ●●terily if they should so say , I should not believe them therefore I may say of but Astrologers as Gato said of the Aruspices of Rome 〈◊〉 his time , that he wondred how one of them could forbear to laugh , when he me● with any of his fellow● , to see how they deceived 〈◊〉 bid made a great number of simple ones in the City . But I hire your patience with this digression ; for I expect not my words will work any Reformation in them seeing they may say with Demetrius in the Acts of the Apostles that by this Craft they get their wealth . To return therefore where we left , hav●ng taken leave of the Astrologer , away we went home again fraught with a Sackful of news to tell our Master . No sooner were we within doors , but the Maid set her clack agoing ; Master ( said she ) the Cunning man hath told us exactly who it was that stole your bowl ; he hath described him fully from top to toe , not so much as his very shoostring but he told us of what colour they were of , his hat , his hair , his beard his doublet breeches , hose , not one thing that he omitted I served the Rogue that stole it with Roast-Beef my self , the Devil choak him with it , for I think silver will not ; but if ever he comes here again or that I meet him in the streets , I le serve him such a trick us shall make him wish he had never drank out of any thing in his life but a wooden dish . I said nothing all this while ; and though I knew she lied most abominably in what the Astrologer said , yet I confirmed her speeches , hoping this would for ever take away suspition from me of being culpable , only I thought with my self if that party she imagined to have it should come again to the House , what a coil she would make with him : but whether he forgot his Physiognomy , or that the man never came there again ; I never after that heard any more of the matter : In the mean time my father had disposed of the purchased prize , bought him an old suit with some part of the money , and ranted it in the Ale-house with the rest of it , for what is this gotten over the Devils back is for the most part spent under his belly . At last his sinful life had a Tragical conclusion for one of his Comrades and he being sudling together they chanced to fall out , and from words proceeded to blows , where my Father received such a knock on his pate with a flaggon , that though it killed him not out-right yet he survived not long after ; making his end answerable to his life : for as he led a troublesome life all the days he lived , so he put the Parish to some trouble at his death , who were forced to be at the charge of burying him . I was the less grieved for the death of my Father , knowing , if he had lived he would have brought me to the Gallows for he would have been always in want , and urging me to supply him , which I could not do any other ways then by theft ; but that now he was dead I resolved q●ite to give over the practice of it , for fear in the end , it should bring me to look through a hempen casement . And now I bent all my endeavours to please my Master , knowing I had few friends to rely upon ; I was up with the first , and down with the last , and refused no work I was set unto , and I found the benefit of my diligence at last , for it pleased God to visit our Family with the Pestilence , which in a weeks space , swept away all the whole Houshold but my Master and I. In this Weeks time I observed the abuses and cheats of Nurses and Keepers , such who look to people who are visited with the sickness . Two of these Jades we had in our house , who when my Mistriss lay distracted with the distemper ; took away her keys and ransack't her Trunks , from whence they took a purse full of Money , most of it Gold ▪ which she had gathered unknown to my Master ▪ intending to keep it for her further need , ( or as we say ) against a rainy day , Thus these Jades convey●d away together , with a great deal of the best linnen in the house , which was done by the help of the Watch-man that guarded the door , who was son in law , to one of the Queans ; and now that my Master might not discover their theft , they sent her of an Errant to her long home , by giving her drinks and other slops , quite contrary to what the Physitians prescribed , by the same way they dispatched the Maid , and the Prentices , with a little Girl , the only Child my Master had ; and now was none remaining but my Master and I , whom they intended should have followed after the rest , then they might have plundred without controul , but I seeing how soon my fellows were gone , and observing that they all dyed presently after they had received any of their slops , would have nothing to do with them , perswading my Master to do the like , affirming it ●ven before their faces , that they were the persons that had killed my Mistress and the rest , and would if let alone , make a hand of us too . But these impudent Jades hearing me begin to discover their villanies , would have perswaded my Master that I was also infected , and that it had already taken my brain , which caused me to talk so idly , and so began to seize upon me , intending to have tyed me into a bed , which if they had done I should never have come out of it alive , but my Master interposing bid them let me alone , for he himself was of the same mind with me . These bold Queans hearing him say so , one of them flew at him , you old dotard ●aid she , do you begin to talk idly too , we must tame y●u yfaith , and so attempted to pull him down , whilst the other was as busie with me : my Master and I strugling with them what we could : but perceiving them to be too hard for us ( for they were two stout Mastiff Queans ) we got to the Window and cryed as loud as we could , and thereby gathered a great many people together to know what was the matter , to vvhom vve related the great danger we were in of being murdered by the two Women that were with us , desiring by all means , that we might be rid of them , they being the greatest plague we were infected withal at the present ; and whom we dreaded as much as death it self ; Amongst others that came ( alarmed by this outcry ) was ● Shoomaker that lived not far off who was near of kin to my Master , and thought himself no mean fellow ; he being at that time Overfeer of the Poor , this man kept a great bustle , commanding the door to be broken open ; which being done with as much imperiousness as a Countrey Justice domineers over a hedge-breaker , he commands the two Women to depart out of the house , which they ( being conscious of a self guilt ) accordingly did to the no little joy of my Master and me , who fear'd we should have perish●d under their merciless hands . Being rid of these two Harpyes , I was more than double diligent towards my Master , well hoping that Death with his beesom would sweep him away also , which I judged the rather could come to pass ; because the thread of his life was spun out to a fair g●eater length than mine , not at all considering , that the Pestilence m●kes no difference betwixt age , and youth ; or if it doth sooner seizes upon youth than age , as ha●ing more matter to work upon . But I was so confi●ent that my Master vvould die , and that I should live ; that I vvould rather perform all offices tovvards him , than to admit of a partner to plunder the House vvith me vvhen he vvas dead . But three days being passed , and no alteration at all appearing in him , I began then t● alter my opinion , and feared he vvould escape and not have it at all and therefore I began to cast my Wits about , and consider vvith my self vvhat I had best to do ; novv I knevv conceit vvould do much vvith him , and therefore I first begun to tell him , that he looked very ill as of a sudden asking if he felt no alteration in his body ? vvhich at first he said , no ; but aftervvards upon my persuasions that he must needs be sick , he soon grew conceited that he was so indeed , in so much , that at last I told him , that he had the perfect symptomes of a dying man upon him ; those words struck him to the very heart , that without further delay he went to the Window , called for a Porter , and sent him for the Shoomaker I spake of before to come to him presently , and bring a Scrivener along with him . I asked him what he would do with a Scrivener ? but when he told me it was to make his Will. I wa● ready to swound , fearing he would take an inventory of his Goods al●o , and so hinder my pilfering when he was dead , for I was now fully minded to thieve from him what I could , notwithstanding my resolution but a little before to leave it off , I feared to be known for stealing the silver boul● ; so hard it is for those that are principled in wickedness ▪ to leave off that vice they ha●e been accustomed unto ; however I praised him for his care therein , that he would settle his mind as to outward affairs , they might be no hinderance to his more pious thoughts , which now should be bent altogether to Heaven-wards . Scarce had I made an end of praising his good intentions but that the Shoomaker and the Scrivener were come , to whom out of the Window he declared his mind for the disposing of his estate , First he commended his Soul unto Heaven , and his Body to Earth , vvhich I vvished had been racked up in it , before the Scrivener came . Next ( said he ) for the good and faithful service he hath done me , I bequeath to my Boy Gregory ( for that is my name ) the sum of twenty pounds , whereof ten pound to be bestowed on him in Schooling , the other ten pound to buy him Cloaths , and put him out to Apprentice to some Handicraft Trade . I hearing my Master to say this , could not but reflect upon my monstrous Ingratitude that I should go to kill him that was so kind to me , and had so much care for my future livelyhood ; but covetousness cancels all obligations , and therefore is well termed the Spring head of all ungodliness . Next ( said he ) I bequeath to the poor of the Parish wherein I live , the sum of fiv● pounds , three pounds thereof to be laid out on cloaths for them , to make them apparel , and bestowed on ●uch as my Executor shall see most needful , and the other forty shillings to be laid out in bread for them , and to be distributed the next four Sundays after my decease , each Sunday alike till it be out . The rest of his estate he gave unto the Shoomaker , whom he made his full and sole Executor , giving him a great charge to be careful on me , and so having subscribed , and sealed it , he betook him to his bed , as prepared to die , and free leave he had to go , both of me and the Shoomaker also . To hasten him on the more ; I perswaded him to sweat , which he was willing to do , so I covered him with as many Cloaths , as he was able to bear , and being in a violent sweat , he called for some strong Waters , whereupon I went to the Pump and filled him a pint of such sober liquor as that yeilded , and brought it to him ; which having tasted , he asked me what I had brought him ? I told him it was excellent good white anny seed , he said , it tasted like fair water ; I told him , that was only the badness of his Pallet which could not distinguish any thing ; truly ( said he ) it tasteth so small , that I think you may leave the word Anny seed out and call it only white-water . Yet notwithstanding this he found such fault , his parching thirst caused him to drink it all off , which gave such a sudden chill to his blood , that what with that and some other slops that I gave him , in three days time he turned up his heels and dyed . No sooner was his breath out of his body , but I began to put in execution what before I had intended and first I examined his pockets , wherein I found the sum of fourteen shillings and nine pence ; eleven shillings whereof I took , leaving some ▪ that I might not be suspected to have taken any , but this was nothing to vvhat I thought to find in his Trunck , vvhich I opened with an expectation to have mine eyes blest vvith the sight of store of vvhite and yellovv pieces , but the clouds dropped no such rain , the Trunk courted not me as Iupiter did Diana vvith a Golden shovvre ; some plate vvas in it , some Bonds and other Writings , but no money . This vvas a shrevv'd cooling card to my high hopes ; vvhich promised me Mountains and performed not mole-hills ; for as for the plate the Executor knevv of each piece in the house , and Bills and Bonds signified no more to me , than meat an hungry man vvhich he might see and not come at ; vvherefore seeing it vvould be no better , I armed my self vvith patience , considering I had not lost by his death , he having given me twenty pound for the bringing me up to some learning and putting me out Apprentice , by which I hoped to be sufficiently able to live in the World ; and therefore haveing secured the eleven shillings in the Coller of my doublet ( mistrusting my pockets might be searched ) I called for a messenger , and sent the Executor word of his death , not bidding him to have a care of frighting him in the delivering of his message , for I did not think the sudden news of his death would make him to break his heart with sorrow , there vvas less fear in that , then of a Userer undoing a young Heir , vvhen he once gets him into bonds . He having received the nevvs , he made no long tarriance before he came to me , bringing a couple of old Women along vvith him to search the dead corps , that an account might be given vvhat he dyed of , vvhich is a thing ( you knovv ) is usual . But before I proceed any further ( having occasion here to speak of these searchers ) give me leave to mention some abu●es , and cheats vvhich I have observed to be practiced by them . They are indeed very necessary , especially in great Cities , that an account may be given of what diseases people dye of , and that men may not have their lives shortned by violence , which appearing after their deaths , may be by them discovered ; but these women have their cheats too , for notwithstanding they are sworn to give a true information to the Parish Clarks ; yet mony can so blind their eyes , that if a man be poysoned , they can bring it in that he died of the French-Pox ; and though a house be visited with the sickness , yet if the Master thereof be unwilling to be shut up for loosing his trading , if he do but greaze them in the fist with some mony they will make the Pestilence to be surfeit , and the spotted feaver ( which is little inferiour to the Plague ) the Swine-pox , and sometimes the Measles ; nay once I knew two of those Searchers that for money brought it in , that the party who had the spotted feaver , died of nothing else but the tooth-ach : Thus you see that it is an undeniable maxime , that there is Knavery in all trades , people being now grown so villanous in their practices , that they make the very dead to be accessary to their Cheats . But to return to my story : The Shoomaker standing in the street , whilst the Women came in , called to me , and bid me if any of the Trunks were open , to lock them up ; and throw the keys down to him which I accordingly did , the fear of loosing his Mammen making him to dispence with any danger that might accrew to him by taking the keys . That night was my old Master buried , and a fortnight after ( the Bedding and Cloaths being aired in the mean time , and I continuing sound ) I was removed to his house , where I took special notice of his great care in performing my Masters Will , and first for the three pounds that was given to buy the poor Cloaths , he bestowed the same on two suits for his own Boys , proving it to be the Will of the dead it should be so ; for ( said he ) they are poor who are in want ; and his Sons wanting cloaths therefore they were to be reckoned in the number of the poor , and policy bids us this , always to provide for our own poor first . Then for the bread , he ordered with the Baker so , that for every ten dozen , he would have a twelve penny-loaf , and yet were they made fifteen to the dozen , vvhich over-pluss above twelve , he also took to himself , so that the penny loaves shrunk to the bigness of half penny ones , and only for the name there was no difference . I seeing how he had dealt by the poor , thought with my self that my Legacy would shrink also like Northern Cloath in the wetting , and my twenty pound come to twenty shillings ; but vvhilst I had cause for my self , I vvould not complain of his dealing by others , and therefore expected the event with patience . Soon after I was set to School with a fellow that went in black Cloathes , and therefore taken for a man of learning becau●e so habited ; this man and his Schollars were both of one mind , for he cared not how little he taught them for there money , and they cared not how little they learned for it ; but I who had friends to rely on for bestowing any thing upon me afterwards , resolved not to neglect opportunity , but to gaine what learning I could thinking it might stand me in great stead another day , and therefore I so plyed my book , that in a short time I could read English very perfectly , and had some skill in writing and casting accounts . During this time that I went to school , I plyed not my book so altogether , but that I observed some practices of the shoomaker , both in his trade and in his office ; and first for his trade , I saw he used two sorts of leather , whereof was mens leather , which was strong , fast and would last well , the other he called womans leather , which was not half taned , and would not last ten miles going ; this last sort of leather ( because it was cheap ) he used most , especially in womens shooes and the inner soles of mens ? and somtimes I observed that if the inner soles were to little he would slit them in the middle to make them appear on both sides , and at other times with his teeth he would strech his leather as for gain he would streach his Consience , Then for his office , for the bread that was given to poor at the Church on Sunday , he had a weekly fee from the Baker for his custom ; and for other gifts that were to be distributed ( as there was some Quarterly ) that poor man that received them , must either do a days vvork grat●s for him , or else present ●im vvith some gift vvorth half of vvhat he vvas to receive , or else he vvas sure to go vvithout it ; so that in respect of his office , these verses of Withe●s vvere very applicable unto him : The Poor's neglector , O I pardon crave . Collector I should say , may play the knave : The f●el I would have said ▪ but chuse you whether He may be both , and so he may be neither . ●ut before I had been at School long , my Guardian told me , the ten pound vvas out for my board , ( for I paid a Roast-meat price for my dyet , although I fed most commonly on bread and cheefe ) and therefore I must prepare to go to Prentice ; I thought it vvas in vain to contend vvith him , and therefore bid him provide me a master as soon as he vvould for I vvas vvilling I told him to go . He quickly heard of one ( for bad masters are as easie to be found as bad servants ) one that vvas a true Bacchana●i●n a Son of Vulcan by profession a Lock-smith , vvhat the Executor vvas to give vvith me I knovv not , but thither I vvent some fevv days upon liking ; and indeed ●t was but a few days I was there in all , for there was found Knavery in that Trade as well as others . My new Master had belike driven an old trade with pick-pockets , h●u●e-breakers , and such kind of p●ople whom he furnished with store of p●ck-locks , and inst●uments to break open Shop-doors and Windows ; he also drave a great Trade with thievish Prentices for false keys for their Masters counting-houses and Trunks , they bringing him the print of them either in Wax or Clay , with some of which he was sharers in their purchase , He had also his Emissaries abroad , which would steal Iron bars from Cellar-windows , and sometimes fetch a short jaunt into the Countrey , and steal the Coulters and Shares from the Ploughs , as also hooks and hinges from Gates , which he bought for a small price and used to work them out in the night for fear of discovery , yet all would not do wicked actions have bad endings ; one of these Prentices who had made use of him , and thereby much wronged his Master , spending that Money riotously which he had got naughtily , his excess brought him to a surfeit that occasioned his end , when upon his death-bed , reflecting on his former vitious practices , he detected my Master , who was thereupon apprehended and carried before a Justice of the Peace , that sent him to Newgate ; how he sped I know not , but if he had his desert . I am sure he could not escape hanging . CHAP. VIII . He is bound Prentice to a Taylor , the knavery of that Trade , his Master of a stitch , he is turned over to a Bak●r , who misusing him he runneth away . He serveth a Plaisterer , sheweth some Cheats in that Trade ; he is even with the Maid of the house for her sloath , and punishing him , giveth his Master a fall from the Scaffold , and runneth away from him into the Country . MY next Master forsooth was a Taylor , a dapper fellow , to whom the Shoomaker ( because he would be sure to be rid of me ) bound me Prentice the first day I went to him , after I had been there a little while , whether it be the nature of the Trade , or what it was I know not , but all my mind ran upon penny-loaves and pudding pies , and whereas before I was more given to drink than to eat , now my whole appetite was for feeding . If I went by a Bakers shop , oh how would I cast mine eyes upon the penny l●aves wishing my belly a Cupboard to contain such pretious Jewels , neither could it sink into my faith , that there was any Trade in the World comparable to a Bakers , but that which made me the more hungry , I conceive was that we were much pinched in our diet : for my Master made us observe more fasting-days , then were set down in the Kallender , and then with a counterfeit zeal he would preach a long Lecture of sobriety unto his Prentices , not that he had any Religion in him ( for at another mans table he would gurmundize like an Epicure ) but to save victuals , and when we fell short at meals as we oftentimes did ) he would put us off with an old Proverb , that many a sack is tyed up before it be f●ll , for his other qualifications and endowments , take a brief view in this short but true character of him . He was such another as Sir Thomas Overbury speaks of , a creature made up of shreds that were pared off from Adam when he was rough cast . His chiefest care was , how to cloath other mens backs , and feed his own belly ; how to make them fine , and himself fat again Christmas , Easter or Whitsontide ; he was a man of some repute but most time else like a thick Cloak in Summer , hang●d behind the door . His offensive and defensive weapons were only a n●edle and a thimble ; with the first he murdred many Egyptian vermine , and the last he made a Gauntlet for the top of his middle finger , which at other times jingling in his pocket with his bodkin ▪ made the Ale-wife to think he had mony in his pocket , which caused oft times a flagon to be scored up behind the door . His chief upholder was the sin of pride , a new fashion being to him like the Term to a Lawyer ▪ to gain which he used to frequent those Churches and places where Gallants most resorted , when on a sudden the Mechanicks wifes and kitchenmaids Gowns came trowling in to be altered , for out of the fashion out of the World. He differed altogether from God , for with him the best pieces were still marked out for damnation , and without hope of recovery cast down into Hell , for though he had many bottoms , yet his conscience was bottomless . Of all Weapons he most affected the long Bill , and he who paid him but one half ; he would be sure to be no looser by him . An antient Gentleman one day brought a suit of Cloaths to our Shop to be made ; who that he might have them the warmer , had bou●ht two yards of bays to cotton his breeches in the inner-side ; my Master thought that was too good for such an use and therefore took it to himself , and supplyed the place with old painting cloath . It happened afterwards the Gentleman wearing those cloaths , going to Islington , as he went over a stile , a snag or cleft of the same took hold of his Breeches and rent a great slash or gap in them , that quite discover●d my Masters theft ; for right against the hole , was the picture of a Devil with a muck-fork in his hand , which made the Gentleman to admire how the Devil he should come there ; searching further he found more of his fellows , and all of them with muck-forks in their hands , tormenti●g of Dives in the flames ; this put him in a great rage , to consider how that by the knavery of the Taylor , he should carry Hell-fire in his Breech , ripping the other Slop there was the Prodigal on Horseback , his journy into a far Country ; Hawks and his Whores , his feeding Husks with Swine , with his returning to his Father , and the killing the fatted Calf , wherefore in great rage he came to my Master , calling him Knave , Thief , and a great many other names , such as came first to his tongues end , my Master desired him to be quiet , told him it was stole off his Shop-board , but for his part , he wished if he had it that he might find it in Hell , meaning the Hell under his Shop-board , which was the recep●acle for all his stoln goods . Now those pieces which were condemned to this Hell , were termed Cabbidge , and we never made any Cloaths either for Men or Women , in which he snipt no some pieces from them , sometimes out o● a Suit and loak , enough to make a Boy a pair of Breeches , or a Doublet , and sometimes enough for Breeches and Dou●let too . Then we drave a trade with the Sadlers , for pieces of Cloaths to make seats for Saddles . The Cabbidge of course Cloath was to make dust-cloaths for the legs of Country Ploughmen Wollen caps , and mittens for old Women ; all was fish that came to net . When a Gentleman bought a Suit and loak of good cloath , if my Master could but perswade four or five more to buy of the same , out of them all he would steal a suit and cloak for himself . Then for Womens cloaths the cabbidge of cloath of silver , branc●t Sattin , and the like , went for pin cushions , pin-pillows , Womens purses : and if black , Church-wardens caps , Cabbidge of Tabbee , coloured Tasfaty and Sarcenet , for facings for the hands of Doublets , &c. when we set on gold and silver lace , we should stretch it so , that in four or five ya●ds we would get a quarter of a yard , which w●th old silver buttons , and such like stuff , went for ends of gold and silver ; and sometimes in rich laces , we would rub them so on our knees , that in eight or nine ounces , half an ounce would come off which went also to the encrease of ends of gold and silver . Now being the Under-Prentice , my chief employment was to run on errands , so that having thereby an opportunity , I often visited the Dagger in Foster-lane for Pudding-pies , my mouth always either penny-loaf or Pudding-pie fashion . Amongst other places that I went to , one of the chief was a Mercers in Pater-Noster-row , from whence my Master received a small snip for every Gown he helpt him to custom withall . Now their way of dealing was thus ; my Master bought the stuff , then the Mercer was to justifie that it cost him so much a yard , perhaps eight or ten shillings more in the Gown than it did , for which my master when he brought customers to him , was to perswade them to the stuff , avouching there was not such another penny-worth in the Town , and that he was confident that he saved little or nothing by it ; but only for to gain their custome ; by which you see he who carries a Taylor with him to help him buy cloaths , carries a Thief instead of a Friend , for the mercer and Taylor was both agreed , and what the first says , the other will swear to . Now to hear them muster up the names of their stuffs , would make you swear they were raising so many Devils , there●s your Parragon , Burragon , Phillippine , Cheny Grogrum , Mowhair , Damasilly , Novato , Pinckanilly , Pinckadino , Prunella , Itiliano , Castiliano , Perpetuana , Sempiternum , Tamme , Tammet , Tameletto , and a thousand more besides , such as Adam never gave names to , being more for pride than for warmth , and rather to cloath sin , than to cover nakedness . But ere I could attain to any perfection in the Trade , my master dyed of that which he lived by , the Stich , being taken with it as he was contriving a new fashion for a Womans placket , that it should be neither before , nor behind , nor on either side ▪ but before he could finish his project he was taken with this Stich , so that that invention was utterly lost thereby : now because he dyed of such a disease , I mustered up all my wit and invention together , and made for him this Epitaph . A Taylor in this Grave doth lie , Who by the Stich did live and die ; Longe● his lifes thread might have been , But death with●s shears came him between , Wound up his bottom , bound his feet , And sow'd him up in swinding-sheet . My Mistress not continuing the Trade , I wa● turned over to a Baker , at which I rejoyced exceedingly ; being heartily desirous to be dealing with Belly-timber , remem●ring how I was full fed when as I lived before with the Cook. Here I found the maxim to be still true that there is Knavery in all trades , for as my last master thieved from peoples backs , so this robbed their bellies ; and was in one sort worse than a ●aylor , for Taylors commonly filch their cabbid●e only from the rich , who can the better , spare it ; but a Baker by making his bread lesser than it should be ; ●tealeth it out of the poor peoples bellies , for doing which he deserveth the same fate to attend on him as did Pharoahs Bake● , viz hanging ; or at least wise to loo● through an Oaken plank , and shew the people a knaves he●d . He would be sure to be in fee with the Clark of the market ▪ and pretended great love to him , though he hated him as his Executioner . By this means he had always timely notice of my Lord Mayors going abo●t when he would be ●ure to have his bread full weight stand at his Window ; and if at any time he chanc'd to be catcht oh how he would rep●ne at his forced c●arity , to see his bread given to the poor , hating Justice it self for the weigh scales sak● , though it d●d the Beggars as much good as their dinner , to see his ba●ket sent to the Prison . When we had any stale mouldy bread , such as we could not sell our selves , or was returned us again by our customers , we used to soak it in water ; and so mould it up again in our dough , which in Summer time at four days end would roap so , that if you pul●d it in pieces it would appear as if it were all Cobwebs which made us always to sell such bread new . Now what other Knaveries he used in his trade , I was not there long enough to know them : for because I used to forget to rise betimes in the morning , my master would remember me with a good ashen wand , which he alwa●s kept in store by him , wherewith he would beat me as your Seamen do Stock-fish , insomuch that my flesh had on it all the colours in the Rain-bow , viz black , blew , green ▪ red , yellow , white , &c. above all things in the World I liked not beating ▪ wherefore I re●olved to march off , yet before I went I purposed to be in part revenged on him for those many blows he had given me . Now so it vvas that he lay above stairs , and I belovv , and vvhen he came down , if he found me not up and about my business , he would so ri●-roast me that I could have felt no cold although it had been frosty weather . Against that morning I intended to be gone , I had pa●ched some pease in the oven , that they were almost as hard as leaden bullets them did I strow here and th●re upon the stairs again●t my masters coming down , and so having put up my things , and made my self ready , I staid expecting vvhat the event vvould be , anon my master called me at the stairs head , I heard him very vvell , but made him no ansvver ; vvherefore he supposing I vvas asleep , vvas coming dovvn to give me the bastinado , vvhen treading on the pease his heels flevv up , and dovvn he came tumbling from the top to the bottom ; svvearing all the Way he vvas falling that this damn'd Rogue ( meaning me ) intended for to break his neck ; I hearing him to thunder so loud thought it would lighten upon my Jacket presently ; and therefore to prevent it , I opened the door and shewed him a fair pair of heels , leaving him sore bruised with his fall , and more vexed that he could not come at me ; to revenge himself of me for the same . I was now grown a good sturdy Lad ; and it being then the spring of the year , I was entertained into a Plaisterers service , I imagined with my self that there could be no knavery in this trade but after I had been there a while , I found there was a great deal of difference in our labour when we workt by the day , and when we wrought by the great ; in the one I could not be too quick for my master in the other he cared not how slow ; dispatching that in six days in the one , which we would hardly do in ten days in the other , in the one we minded only our work , in the other we u●ed to lengthen out the time with discourses of wenches , foot-ball playing , and such like ; for so we brought the day to an end , we cared not so much for our ●ork going forward , seeing our wages ran paralel with the day , and when that was done , we counted our money due ▪ whether we earned it or no. In this service I lived like a Prince to my hearts content , for my master wou●d not only wink at any rogueries that I committed , but also countenance me in the doing of them . When we wrought upon scaffolds in the ●treet it was a great pleasure to me to throw the morter upon the heads of young Wenches , as they passed by ; and at other times with our Whiting to bespatter Gentlemens Cloaks as they walked under us ; that they looked as if the ●row had shit upon them . My master kept a maid who was none of those huswifes that use to disturb other peoples sleeps by their early rising ; she would endure three calls in a morning , and when she began to stir , she would groan sadly , stretching out her arms and legs , and giving a two or three has to get upon her breech , where she would sit in her bed half an hour lacing of her boddice , and throwing of her coats over her head , so that we were forced to put up the victuals we carried with us our selves . My master asked me if I could not invent a way to punish her sloath ? I told him I would do my best endeavour ; so that day I got some Horse-hair , and shred it fit for my purpose , telling my master what I would do with it ; at night when he came home ; he sent the m●id for two pots of Ale , when she was gone for it , I took my shred hair , and strowed the same in her bed betwixt the sheets which plagued her vvorse then if she had had half a peck of six footed vermine to her bedfellovvs ; a good vvhile she endured it , being exceeding loath to be at the pains of putting on her Cloaths , for she always accounted the trouble of dressing and undressing her self to be a great plague inflicted on mortals to disturb them of their ease , accounting the Birds in a far happier condition than men , vvho go to bed and rise vvith their doublet and breeches on , and vvas resolved if she changed her Religion to have turned Adamite , that she mig●t have saved that labour of dressing her self ; but the hair tormented her so abominably , that nolens v●lens , she vvas forced to rise , and sit up untill the morning , vvhen looking in the sheets she found the cause of her disquietness ; the cunning Jade made no speech of it at all , but vvas as pleasant that morning as if she had ailed nothing all night , vvhich made me to mistrust my art , and think I had not done my business right . All that day she was busied with her thoughts in contriving mischief against me the result where of was , that she took the sheets from off her bed and laid them on mine , whereby she paid me home in my own coyn , and whereof I could not justly complain , seeing what was sauce for a Goose was sauce for a Gander , I had work'd very hard that day , and would willingly have taken some rest at night , but it was in v●in to think of it , I might almost have lain as well upon pins and needles as on what I did , I then thought upon the story which is usually told boys vvhen they first come to be Prentices concerning their enroling , that they must be rol●d in a Barrel drove full of nails , with the points sti●king up , and thought this punishment to be little inferior to that ; flesh and blood could not endure it , wherefore I got up and uncased my bed of the sheets , creeping in betwixt the blankets vvhere I lay all night . In the morning the Maid asked me how I slept tha● night ? I told her very well , for my skin was armor of proof against the biting of fleas , or any other disturbance whatsoever , but though I carried fair weather in my countenance , my heart boyled in revenge against her , wherefore tha● day I went and bought two penny-vorth of Cow-itch , which is a drug of that nature , that where it touches the flesh , it will make t●em so scrub seventeen times worse than if they we●e plagued with the itch , with this I anointed her sheets in the same manner as I strowed them with horse-hair before , but if the hair netled , this fleyed , she had needed to have had Briarius hundred hands to have scratcht her self at once , for when she came to be a little hot in her bed , she fared like a mad woman ; the more she scratcht the more it itcht , so that by what she seek't to allay her pain , she encreased it : the going out of her bed would not cure her now , she carried her distemper along with her , so that knowing not how to ease her self , she bellowed like a Bull , and made such a quarter , that the whole hou●e was disturbed with her bellowing . All night she continued thus ; in the morning I began to play upon her , told her that the scratching of her arse signified we should have butter cheap , and that ●ow ever things wents she would be sure to Rub through with them , but had I not took my heels , she had so rubbed my ears for it as would have turned my mirth into mourning . That day was very fatal to me , and my running from the Maid in the morning prognosticated I should run from my master before night . It so happened that we had some work to do that day at a Tavern in Thames-street , the back-side whereof adjoyned to the Thames , which the Vintner would have beautified next to the water-side ; now for to make h●m a scaffold to work on , he put the ends of two long sticks out at the window , laying a board over them for him to stand on the out side : and on the in-side fa●tned the end of the one with a Cord , but wanti●g a Cord for the other , he bid me to sit on it , thereby to keep it from kicking up , thus was all things ordered , my Master gotten up upon his scaffold , which vvas just over the water , and I s●tting on the end of the stick ; he fell a singing as he was accustomed to do at his work , and I fell a nodding ▪ being lulled a sleep with his singing ; in my sleep I dreamed that my old Master the Cook was alive again , that I lived with him , and that our House was full of Guests ▪ by and by some Gentlemen knocked in the next room , I hearing them , imagined that I was called , and thereupon cryed out , Anon , Anon , I come I come Sir , and thereupon fell a running , when presently up flew the stick , and down fell my Master , crying all the way he fell help , help , I shall be drown●d the noise he made waked me out of my sleep , when looking forth so the window , I saw my Master floating like a shitle-cock upon the water . I seeing what had happened , thought more upon saving my self than him , imagining if he were drowned , that I should be hanged , and therefore that I might not die the death of a dog , to prevent it , I run away , leaving my Master to shift for himself , whom though yet I loved well , and would not have parted from him but for this accident . I made great hast in going , and yet knevv not whither to go ; East , West , North , or South , all was indifferent to me for it is impossible he can be out of his way to whom all vvays are alike . London though large and populous I judged no Coverture for me , I wanting those two great helps of concealment , money and friends . The Country therefore I p●tcht upon , invited thereto the more , it being then the merry month of May , the pleasantest time of all the year , the earth having then put on her richest apparel , the meadow cloathed in green , the fields beautified with flowers , and the Woods adorned vvith Violets , Cowslips , and Primroses ; the winged Choristers of the Forrest , warbled forth their ditties very harmoniously , the Lambs friskt and leapt , dancing lavalto●s on the flowry pastures , and the murmuring stream made a noise like to a chime of Bells , running through their winding Meanders . As I walked thus in the Country , encircled with pleasures , and every where having my eyes satiated with variety of pleasing objects I thought my self to be in Paradise , and imagined no pleasure in the world comparable to that of a Country life ; Happy , yea thrice happy ( thought I ) is he who not playing with his wings in the golden flames of the Court , not setting his foot in the busie throngs of the City , not running up and down in the intricate mazes of the Law can be content in the winter to sit by a Country fire , and in the Summer to lay his head on the green pillows of the Earth . The Country Cottage is neither battered down by the Canon in time of War , nor pester'd with clamorous Suits in time of peace . The fall of Cedars that tumble from the tops of Kingdoms , the ruine of great Houses that bury Families in their overthrow , and the ways of shipwracks , that begat even shrieks in the heart of Cities , never send their terrors thither : that place stand as safe from the shock of such violent storms as the Bay tree does from lightening ; their sleeps are secure from such dangers , and their wakings as pleasant as golden dreams . In the homely village art thou more safe , than in a fortified Castle ; the stings of Envy , nor the bullets of Treason are never shot through those thin walls : sound healths are drunk out of the wholsome wooden dish , when the Cup of Gold boyles over with Poyson . Hast thou a desire to rule ? get up to the Mountains , and thou shalt see the greatest trees stand trembling before thee , to do thee Reverence , those mayest thou call thy Nobles . Thou shalt have ranks of oak on each side of thee , which thou maist call thy Guard ; thou shalt see Willows bending at every blast ; whom thou maist call thy flatterers : thou shalt see valleys humbled at thy feet ; whom thou maist term thy slaves . Wouldest thou behold battels ? step into the fields , there shalt thou behold excellent Combats between the standing Corn and the windes . Art thou a tyrant ? and delightest in the fall of great ones ? muster then thy Harvesters together , and down with those proud Summer Lords when they are at highest . Wouldst thou have Subsidies paid thee ? the Plough sends thee in Corn , the Meadow gives thee her pasture , the Trees pay thee custom with their fruit , the Ox bestows upon thee his labour , the Sheep his wool , the Cow her milk , the Fowls their feathers , &c. Dost thou call for Musick ? n● Prince in the world keeps more s●ilful Musitians , the Birds are thy Con●orts , and the wind instruments they play upon yield ten thousand tunes . Thus went I on contemplating the S●mmers pride and the earths bravery , and from them both conc●u●ed the great felicity of a Country life , as if the one would never fade , and the other always endure resolving in my thoughts never to see London again , being ravished with the delights of the verdant fields and enamour'd on the beauties of the Spring , accounting none truly happy , but he who enjoyed the felicities of a Country life ; Is he addicted to study , Heaven is the Library ; the Sun , Moon and Stars his books to teach him Astronomy , that great volume his E●h●merides out of which he may Calculate predictions of times to follow ; yea in the very clouds are written lessons of Divinity for him to instru●t him in wi●dom , the turning over their leaves , teach him the variation of seasons , and how to dispose his business for all weathers who therefore would not consume his youth in such delightful studies , that have power in them to keep off old age longer than it would ? or when old age doth come , is able to give it the lively-hood and vigour of youth ? who would not rather sit at the foot of a hill , tending a flock of sheep than at the helm of Authority , controuling the stuborn and unruly mul●itude ? Better it is in the solitary woods and in the wide fields , to be a man among Beasts , than in the midst of a peopled City , to be a beast amongst men . As I was thus strucken into admiration of these beauties , and wholly taken up in contemplation of the felicities of a retired life , being already in my thoughts an absolute Country-man , I being now some miles distant from the Metropolitan City of our fruitful Albion , on a sudden the welkin began to roar , and send forth terrible peals of thunder ▪ the serene Sky was over shadowed , and Phoebus hid his head behind a cloud the Heavens began first to weep small tears , afterwards to pour them in full Rivolets upon the thirsty earth , I had then no Pent-house to walk under to keep me from the rain , nor was there a red lattice at every nuke and corner ( as at London ) to give me enterta●nment ; the spreading boughs of the sturdy oak were too feeble to defend me from being wet ; I looked like a drencht Mouse , having never a dry thred on me ; what to do I knew not money I had but little , friends none a stranger both to the place and people , unexperienced in the world , as i● the way where I travelled the consideration of those things made me add more moysture to the earth by the salt tears that trickled from my eyes ; to stand still I thought was in vain , so forwards I went , wet without and dry within ( sorrow they say causeth drowth ) at length I spy'd by a corner of a Wood a little thatcht Cottage , thither I went , and found by an old rotten stick that darted out of it , in imitation of a Sign-post , that it was an Ale-house , this someth●ng revived my drooping pirits , so in I went , to dry my out-side and wet my in-side , where I found a good fire , and store of company of both Sexes merrily trouling the boul about , singing of Catches , and smoaking Tobacco ; no sooner was I entered , but one of them drank to me a full cup , so dovvn I sat amongst them , being all alike free Citizens of the vvide World , the Strong Ale soon vvashed avvay all sorrovv from my heart , and novv that I had a vvarm fire to sit by , and a house over my head , I bid a fig for all foul Weather . CHAP. IX . He lighteth on a company of Canting Beggars , and is stalled one of their Society , is married to a Doxy , with the manner of their Wedding ; the orders and Degrees of the Canting Beggars , Men and Women with their several quallities and manner of life . THis company that I thus hapned into vvas a Crew of Canting Beggars , Pilgrims of the vast earth , the off-spring of Cain , vagabonds and wanderers , over the whole World , fit Companions for such who made a trade for Idleness and Roguery , and these were at this time fit companions for me , who seeing the merry life they led , resolved to make one of their company whereupon ( after I had a little more ingratiated my self amongst them , and taken two or three cups more of Rum-booz ) I imparted my inventions to one of the chief of them , telling him that I was a Prentice who had a curst Master , whose cruelties had caused me to run away from him , and that what ever fortune might betide me , yet should not the most necessitous condition I could be plunged into , ever make me to return to him again , and therefore if I might be admitted into their society I should faithfully observe a●d perform what rules and orders were imposed upon me . He very much applauded me for my resolutions , telling me that to be a Beggar was to be a brave man , since it was now in fashion for brave men to beg . Do not we ( said he ) come all into the World like arrant Beggars , without a rag upon us ; and do not we all go out of the World like Beggars , without a rag upon us ? and do not we all go out of the World like Beggars without any thing saving only an old sheet to cover us ? shall we then be ashamed to walk up and down in the World like Beggars , with old Blankets pin'd about us ? no , no , that were a shame to us indeed ; have we not the whole Kingdom to walk at our pleasure ? are we afraid of the approach of Q●arter day ? do we walk in fear of Bailiffs , Serjeants and ●atch poles ? who ever knew an arrant Beggar arrested for debt ? is not our meat drest in every mans Kitchen ? does not every mans Cellar afford ●s beer ? and the best mens purses keep a penny for us to spend . Having by these words ( as he thought ) fully fixed me in love with begging , he then acquainted the Company with my desires , who were all of them very joyful thereof , being as glad to add one to their society , as a Turk is to gain a Proselite to Mahomet . The first question that they asked me was , if I had any Lour● in my Bung ? I stared on them not knowing what they meant , till at last one told me it was mony in my pur●e , I told them I had but eighteen pence , which I freely gave them ; this by a general vote was condemned to be spent in Bouse for my initiation . Then they commanded me to kneel down , which being done , one of the chief of them took a Gage of Bowse , which is a quart of drink , and poure● the same on my head , saying , I do by vertue of this Soveraign Liquor stall th●e to the Rogue , and make thee a free Denizon of our ragged Regiment ; so that henceforth it shall be lawful for thee to Cant and to carry a Doxy or Mort along with thee only observing these rules . First that thou art not to wander up and down all Countries , but to keep only to that Quarter which is allotted to thee ! and secondly , thou art to give way to any of us that have born all the Offices of the Wallet before thee , and upon holding up a finger to avoid any Town or Country Village where thou seest we are forraging to victual our army that march along with us . Observing these two rules ▪ we take thee into our protection , and adopt thee a Brother of our numerous society . He having ended his oration , I rose up , and was congratulated by all the Company , hanging about me like so many dogs about a Bear , and leaping and shouting like so many mad men , making such a confused noise with their gabling , that the melody of a dozen oyster wives at ●illingsgate , the scolding at ten Conduits , and the Gossipings of fifteen Bake-houses were not comparable unto it . At length he that stalled m● cryed out for silence , bidding the French and English Pox to light on their throats for making such a yelping ; then fixing his eyes upon me , he read a Lecture to me out of the Devils Horn book as followeth . Now ( saith he ) that thou art entred into our fraternity thou must not scruple to act any villanies which thou shall be able to perform ; whether it be to nip a bung , bite the Peter , Cloy the Lurries , Crash either a Bleating cheat , Cackling cheat , grunting chtat , quacking cheat , Tib oth buttery , Margery prater , or to Cloy a Mish from t●e Crackmans ; that is , to cut a purse , steal a Cloak-bag or Portmantle , convey away all manner of Cl●at●s ▪ either a Sheep , Chicken , sucking Pig , Duck , Coose , Hen , or steal a shirt from the hedge ; for he that will be a Quier Cove , a profest Rogue , must observe this rule , set down by an antient Patrico in these words . Wilt thou a begging go , O per se o , o per se o , Then must thou God forsake And to the Devil thee betake , O per se o , &c. And because thou art as yet but a Novice in begging , and understandest not the mysteries of the Canting language , to principle thee the better ; thou shalt have a Doxy to be thy Companion , by whom thou maist receive fit inst●uctions for thy purpose . And thereupon he singled me out a young Girl of about fourteen years of age , which tickled my fancy very much that I had gotten a young wanton to dally withal ; but this was not all , I must presently be married unto her after their fashion by their Patrico ( who amongst Beggars is their Priest ) which was done after this manner . They got a Hen , and having cut off the head of it , laid the dead body upon the ground , placing me on the one side of it , and my Doxy on the other ; this being done ; the Patrico standing by , with a loud voice bid us live together till death did us part : then one of the Company went into the Yard and fetcht a dry Cow-turd , which was broken over my Doxy's head in imitation of a Bride-cake ; and so shaking hands , and kissing each other , the Ceremony of the Wedding was over ▪ and for joy of the marriage we fell to drinking afresh , till we were all as drunk as Beggars , but then to hear the gabling noise we made would have made you to have blest your self , to hear such a Babel of confusion among us , some were jabbering in the Canting language ▪ others in their own some did nothing but weep and protest love to their Morts , other swore swords and daggers to cut the throats of their Doxy●s if they found them tripping one would drink a health to the Bride till he slavered again , some were for singing Baudy songs , others were divising curses for Justices of Peace , Headbor●u●hs and ●onstables ; at last night approaching , and all their mony being spent , we betook us to a Barn not far off , where we coucht a Hogshead in the darkmans , and went to sleep . Though my lodging was homely , my bedfellow pleased me yet though she were so young , I could not boast of the purchase of her Maiden-bead , that being a dainty always bestowed on the Upright-men , ( the chief of the Rogues , who must have the first tast of such morsels , and then they are free for any of the Brother-hood The whole night was spent in prigging wapping , and telling of drunken stories ; in the morning as soon as Phoe●us began to dart some of his beams through the crannies of the Walls ▪ the Patrico began to set up his larum , and to ●waken the rest with this song . This is Bien Bowse , this is Bien Bowse , Too little is my skew . I Bowse no Lage , but a whole Gage Of this I le Bowse to you This Bowse is better than Rom-Bowse , It sets the Gan a gigling ; The Autem Mort finds better sport In Bowsing than in nigling . T is better than Peckidge , Plannam , Then Yarum , Loure , or Lage ; Then lift the same up to thy Nab And Bowse off a whole Gage . Being thus roused , and having shaken our ears a little , the Upright-man ( who was the ●el-weather of the flock ) appointed out the station where every one should go , prefixing a day wherein we were all to meet again . My Doxy and I had a particular walk assigned unto us , wherein we were to travel , and not to intrench upon any of the others limits ; whilst I thus rambled about with her ; learned of her the several Qualities and Offices of the Brother hood , and how they were distinguished from each other according to their degrees of superiority and inferiority : the Men were divided into these twenty several sorts . 1 Upright men . 2 Rufflers . 3 Anglers . 4 Rogues . 5 Wild Rogues . 6 Priggers of Prancers . 7 Palliards or , Clapper-dugcons . 8 Fraters . 9 Quire Birds . 10 Abraham-men . 11 Whip-jacks . 12 Counterfeit Cranks 13 Dummerars . 14 Iack-men . 15 Patrico's . 16 Irish Toyls . 17 Swigmen . 18 Glymm●rars . 19 Curtalls . 20 Kinchen Co's . Of the Women kind were only these six . 1 Kitchin Morts 2 Dells . 3 Doxies . 4 Walking Morts 5 Autem Morts . 6 Bawdy Baskets . And now what these several sorts of people are , you shall hearby their descriptions . 1 An Upright man is the chief of all the Ragged Regiment , he walks like a Commander with a short Truncheon in his hand which he calls his Filch-man ; pretends himself to be a decayed Souldier , and claims a share in all the Booties which any other inferiour Rogue do get ; he hath all the Morts and Doxies at his beck , and can command them from any other of the Gang at his pleasure . By this description you see there is a great deal of difference betwixt an Upright-m●n and an honest man. 2 A Ruffler is the same in Conditions as an Upright man , like to like quoth the Devil to the Collier ; they both of them pretend themselves to be decayed Souldiers , are both of them very imperious over the in●erior Subjects of their Common wealth-receiving tribute also from Rogues Palliards , Morts , Doxies , &c. 3 The next are Anglers , but they seldom catch Fish till they go up Westward for Flounders . The Rod they angle with is a staff of five or six foot in length , having a hole bored through it within an inch of the top , into which hole do they put an iron hook , and with the same do they angle at window about midnight , drawing therewith apparel sheets , coverlets , or whatsoever they lay hold on , All is Fish that comes to Net. 4 A Rogue who●e very name doth shew his nature , and therefore he shall not need any further description . 5 A Wild Rogue is of the same nature as a Rogue only this is the difference , that the one falls into this infamous and detestable course of life , either through laziness , death of Parents , cruelty of Masters , or the like , the wild Rogue is bred up to it from his swadling clouts , born a Rogue , lives all his whole life a Rogue , and disdains to take upon him any calling or profession whatsoever , but as he lives , so dies a Rogue . 6 Priggers of Prancers are Horse-stealers , for to Prig , ●ignifies in the Canting language to steal , and Prancer signifies a Horse , the Farmers in the Country , and Gentlemen that keep Horses , know these sorts of Rogue , too well , by dear experience . 7 Palliards , or otherwise called Clapperdugeons , who go always with their Morts at their heels , and draw people the more to pitty them , with Sperewort or Arsnick raise blisters on their legs , which they can cure again at their pleasure . When they come into the streets of a Town or Country village , they divide themselves , and beg one on one side of the street , and the other on the other side ; the purchase which they thus get . They sell to poor Tradse-men , or other labouring people , and with the money are merry at the Bowsing-ken . 8 A Frater is one that with a Counterfeit Parent goeth about with a wallet at his back , and a black box at his girdle , to beg for some Hospital or Spittle-house ; he hath always a Doxy whom he meets withall at night at some tippling house , where they lewdly spend what was given him in the day by charitable well minded people . 9 Quire Birds are those in whom the Proverb is verified , Birds of a feather , Rogues together , they are such as formerly sung in such Cages as Newgate , the White-Lyon , or some other Country Goale . 10 Abraham men , or a Tom of Bedam is a man whom by his black and blew arms you may see to be much beaten to the world ; he counterfeits madness and by many Phantastick tricks gets from silly Country people Bacon , and such other victuals as will fetch him ready money ; he hath but two names , for all people whatsoever , and that is Tom and Bess. No man shifts his linnen oftner than he does his Wenches . 11 Whipjacks are such as travel about from town to town under the notion of Ship wrackt Sea-m●n , with a counterfeit licence to beg , which licence they call a Gybe , and the seals to it Iarks their talk is all of Sea Voyages , but the end of their Land-voyage is for what they can get , and to rob Boo●hs at Fairs , which they call Heaving of the Booth , at which they are very expert . 12 Counterfeit Cranks are such as pretend themselves to have the Falling-sickness , and by putting a piece of white soap into the corner of their mouths , will make the froath to come boyling forth to cause pitty in the beholders ; they stare wildly with their eyes to appear as if distracted , and go half naked to move the greater compassion . These Cranks have likewise their meetings , and their wenches at command . 13 The Dummerar is Cousin-German to the Cranks , for as the one counterfeits the falling sickness so this counterfeits dumbness , making a horrid noise instead of speech by doubling his tongue in his mouth , but if you give him nothing , he can then open his mouth to curse you privately . This Iack hath also his I●ll , upon whom he spends his Loure at the Bowsingken . 14 A Iackman is one that can write and read , ye some of them have a smattering in the Latine tongue ; which learning of theirs advances them in office amongst the Beggars , as to be Clark of their Hall , or the like . His employment is to make Gybes with Iarks to them , which are counterfeit licences with seals , by which he gets store of money to make himself drunk withal . 15 The Patrico is their Priest , every hedge is his Parish , and every wandring Rogue and Whore is his Parishioner . His service is only marrying of couples , by bidding them go together and multiply , and fill the World with a generation of vagabonds . 16. Irish Toyls are lusty Rogues who go about with a wallet at their back , in which they carry pins , points , saces , and such like , and under colour of selling such wares commit many villanies . 17 A Swigman is a degree higher than an Irish-toyle , as a Tavern exceeds an Ale-house , for he carries a pack behind him instead of a wallet , and is stored with more sorts of ware than the other , yet differs little from him in honesty ; they both pay tribute to the Upright man , as to their chief . 18 Glymmerars are such as travel up and down with licences to beg because their houses have been consumed with fire , for Glymer in the Canting tongue signifies fire . They use a very sad tone in their begging , and tell a lamentable story how the fire destroyed their Baros , Stables , &c. by which lying tales they get store of Loure to buy Bub at the Bowsingken . 19 Curtals are so called because they wear short Cloaks , being of the same nature as the Rogues described before 20 The last rank of this Rambling Crew are termed Kinchin Co●s , being little Boys , whose Parents were formerly Beggars , but are now dead , or else such as have run away from their Masters , and instead of a trade to live by , follow this kind of life to be lowsie by . The first thing they do is to learn how to Cant , and the onely thing they practice is to creep in at windows or Cellar doors . Thus have I given you a brief description of the men , by which you may give a shrewd guess of the women ; for you cannot imagine if the one were Devils that the other would be Saints , take them therefore in their own Character . 1 Of this sort ; the first of them are called Ki●chen Morts , their Mothers carry at their backs in their Slates , id●est , she●ts . When the Morts beg , they use to prick their Kinchens with pins , that by their crying they may move people to a speedier distribution of their alms . 2 Dells are young wenches that have not lost their maiden-heads , but being once deflowred , ( which commonly is when they are very young ) they then change the name of Dell into Doxy , even as maids when they come to be married , loose that appellation , and are called women . 3 Doxys are such as have been deflowred by the Upright men , and are after common to any of the Brother hood . They will if they see convenient for a small piece of money prostitute their bodies to any that will deal with them , and do too often murther those Infants which are so gotten . They have one special badge to be known by , for most of them go working of laces and shirt strings or such like stuff , only to give colour to their idle wandring . 4. A walking Mo●t is one that hath encreased the World with Lullaby-cheats or young Children , yet was never married , they are very dangerous Queans to meet withal , being cunning in dissembling , and without all fear of God and good Laws ; and are kept in awe only by the Upright-men , who oftentimes rifle them of all that they have . 5. An Autem Mort is another sort of these she-devils , and differs only from a walking Mort in that she is married ; for Autem in the Canting tongue signifies a Church , although that be a place she seldome comes at . They commonly walk with their Wallets on their shoulders , and Slates or sheets at their backs , and will pilser any thing that lies carelesly about houses , which they call in their language Nilling of the ken . Their Husbands commonly are Rufflers , Upright men , Wild Rogues , &c. 6. The last of this Ragged Regiment are called Bawdy Baskets which are Women that walks with Baskets or Cap-cases on their arms , wherein they have pins , points , needles , and such like things to sell ▪ going thus from house to house to sell their ware ; buy Cunny-skins ▪ and steal what they can lay their hands on , driving three trades at once . They are very fair spoken , and will seldom swear whilst they are selling their wares , but will lye with any man that hath a mind to them . The Upright-men and these are in perfect league and amity one with another . Thus have I briefly dissected to you this knot of Vipers ; who may very fitly be termed the Devils black Guard. Whos 's whole life con●isteth of a continued act of all impiety , no sin within their verge but is frequently committed amongst them , especially that sin of letchery ; to which end you shall find sometimes together in a Barn forty of these Upright-men , Rufflers , Clapperdugeons , &c. ingendring Begga●s with their Morts . Adultery they boast of , Incest they laugh at , Sodomy they Jest at , being all of the Family of Love , or Lust rather , rope ripe , Nuts for the Devils cracking , and fit fuel for firing for his Kitchen . But I have dwelt too long upon this filthy subject , I shall only give you a brief Character of a Canting Rogue , and so return to the progress of my own life . He should seem by his rambling mind to be begot by some Intelligencer under a hedge , for he is wholly addicted to travel , and hath one especial priviledge above most Travellers that he is never out of the way . He is not troubled with making of Joynctures ; he can divorce himself without the Fee of a Proctor , nor fears he the cruelty of Overseers of his Will ; for there is small danger of his Children being cheated of their Estates , by which means he makes not work for the Lawyers after his decease . He leaves his children all the World to Cant in , and all the people to be their fathers to provide for them . His language is always one and the same ; the Northern speech differs from the South , Welsh from the Cornish , but Canting is general , nor never could be altered by Conquest of the Saxon , Dane , or Norman . He will not beg out of the limit prescribed him by the Upright-man , though he starve nor falsifie his oath , if he swear by his Solomon ( which is the Mass ) though you hang him , and to show himself a true subject of their Common-wealth , he pays his custom as truly to his Grand Rogue as tribute is paid to the Great Turk . The Spring is as welcome to him as a warm Bed to a weary Traveller , for then begins his progress after a hard Winter ; and the Sun which breeds Agues in others , he adores it like the Indians . Ostlers cannot endure him , for he is of the Infantry , and serves bes● on foot ; and if through sickness at any time he ride his stage is but to the next Town , and that in a Dung-cart . He offends not the Statute against the excess of Apparel ; the fuller of rags the more fashionable for his Calling , and to go naked , he accounts but a voluntary pennance . Forty of them will lye in a Barn together , yet are never sued upon the Statute of In-mates . He shifts Lodgings oftner than men shift their shirts , and hath more change of Morts and Doxies , than he hath of Lodgings . If he were learned , no man could make a better Description of England , for he hath surveyed it more exactly than the best Cosmographer whatsoever , having travell'd it over and over . Lastly , he can brag of this , that repairing of houses will never undo him and that though he eats and drinks every day , yet he shall not die one penny in debt either to the Brewer , or to the Butcher . CHAP. X. In prosecution of his begging he steals a Hen , is taken in the manner ; and whipped , and imprisoned in the Cage ; from whence he escapes , and assists in the robbing of a House , where he gets a good Booty and escapes , but his Companions are caught ; one hanged , and two transported : He hearing this , makes hast to London . In his journey to London ▪ he overtakes a Trooper and a Wench ; he lyes with her and two more of her Companions , and after this frollick he goes with them all to London . IT was then the Spring of the year when I took this lazy trade of life upon me ; the harmony of the Birds singing and the variety of the Flowers which beautified the verdant Fields , made me the more willing to imbrace this sordid course , not think●ng of a winter that would strike dumb tho●e winged Choristers , and invest the Earth with a robe of Snow , instead of all her painted Bravery . Custom had soon habituated me to a liking of lodging in straw , attracted the more by my amorous Bedfellow and so long as I had my fill of ease , I could well be contented to ast from Dainties . But for my life I could not bring my tongue to the right tone o● Begging , although I were habited fit for the purpose with a dirty Night-cap loathsome to behold my face all smearen , my cloaths set full with pa●che● upon the whole cloath , a red clout upon my leg , and supporting my body with a staff as if I had been a meer criple . Many a mile vve rambled , yet keeping still in our ovvn station , for fear of the Upright-man : but my counterfeit plea for begging vvas at last discovered , and to all my dainties I had vvhipping chear added ; for going one day not far off from a Farm house , the stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them vvith my staff and having struck one of them . I had forgotten my lameness , but very nimbly ran and took her up , putting her under my patcht Coat , vvhere I had a bag sevved in that vvas a receptacle for all stollen goods . It chanced that the Farmer himself vvas then on the other side of the hedge , vvho undiscovered by me , savv my activity in the stealing of his Hen , and vvas resolved , though I put it up that he vvould not . But I dreading nothing , thinking my self unseen , vvent directly to the House , and as soon as I came into the yard fell to my old trade leaning on my staff , and drawing my leg after me , as if scarce able to stand , much less to run . Having gotten to the door , I began to set up my tone with a Good tender hearted people be pleased to bestow your charity upon a poor miserable wretch that is both lame and hungry ; one penny of silver to buy him salvs for his sore leg , or one morsel of victuals to put into his belly that hath had nothing come in it this couple of dayes . No sooner had I ended my Maunding , thinking to mump the Farmer out of some money , or at leastwise some bread to my Hen , but he having watch'd me now seized hold of my arm , and told me , that though it might be true that I had not lately eaten , yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided for the future and so turning back my Coat discovered my bag , vvhere was not onely the Hen , but some other 〈…〉 their provant , I had lately purchased . I finding my self caught , would gladly have given him the slip , but some of his servants , as well as himself stop'd me , without any more ado the Harman-beck was sent for , who being a neighbour was quickly come , and by this time I had a great train of Boys and Girls to attend me : I needed not much examination being thus taken in the manner , but however they were all desirous to see my sore leg ; I was forced to let them do what they would with me , knowing there was no remedy but patience , and so I suffered them to unrowl and take off the Clouts and Rowlers that was upon it , when coming to the skin , that was as whole and as sound as a fish ; but though my leg was well and whole , my heart was now almost broken with consideration of what they would do with me ; some proposed one punishment , and some another , but at length to the Whipping Post I was led , where my doublet and shirt being stript off , my back was so long laced with a Cart-whip that I Capered and flounced like a Horse in a quagmire , and I was as fast too , being hand-cuffd so that I could not stir . It was well it was the Spring time , for I lost blood enough to purge away the gross humours without the help of a Surgeon , that office being supplyed by a Thrasher who took as much pains upon me as would have Thrashed a bushel of Pease ; but at length there was a cessation , and a new parley began wherein it was propounded that further course should be taken with me , and considering that there was a kind of Felony committed upon the Hen ; they advised and agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the Peace to have his Judgment in the Case though I thought it unreasonable to suffer punishment first , and then to be Judged ; yet it was to no purpose to complain , and all I could say would not prevail with them to let me go , but they would conduct me to the Justice , so that I having put on my Cloaths my shirt stuck to my back and made me sensible that I had lost leather ; but for all that on I must , and the Justice living a mile off , the Thrasher who had lashed me , and two or three others made holliday to attend me : when we came before the Justice , he hearing that I had been punished already , was content at my importunity to acquit me from any other , and only to make a Pass to send me home to London , being the place where I told them I was born : I not having power to contradict ; was forced to consent to what was commanded , and that Constable attending me out of his liberties to another Constable , left me : this new Constable , who now had me in keeping not being willing to go further with me ; for that night put me up in the Cage , where I was locked up , but not so safely , but I made shift to break out , and travelling all night ; by the next morning I was far enough off for them to overtake me , for all that day I concealed my self in a wood , and vvhen night came I proceeded on my Journey ; but it so happened that on the second night of my travel , about midnight I was over taken by three persons who demanded where I was going ? I told them any whether : vvhat I was ? I replied a wretched person whom fortune had persecuted , and therefore I was indifferent whether I went , or what I did . Hearing me say so , they retired a little to consult about their affairs , and then one of them coming up to me , demanded several questions of me of my late course of life ? To all their questions I returned them such answers as caused them to conclude me to be a Rambler , and therefore fit for their society , and therefore they asked me if I were vvilling to hazard my self in enterprizing somewhat , that though it might be something dangerous , yet it should be very profitable . To this I answered , that they should soon find my willingness expressed in the boldness of my actions , and if seconded or assisted by them , I should act any thing that they would direct and appoint . They hearing my resolution , soon consented to admit me into their society , and acquainted me with their present purpose , which was to rob a house not far from that place : They told me th●t I must be valiant and bold not in fighting , for they knew they should meet with little occasion to exercise any weapon , but in entring the House , and performing other such matters as they should instruct me in . I told them I consented to what they should propose , and therefore desired them to tell me what part I was to act in this Enterprize , and as for a part of the purchase , I should leave that to them , which I desired them to give me as I should deserve . Then one of these persons told me , that he was very well acquainted in the house , and gave me an account of the several ways and passages into every Room , and who was lodged in such Chambers . In fine , I discovered that there was but two men , and three women-kind in the house , and he being a Coach-man , had lately brought the Master of the house home with two hundred pound , of which he had a de●ire to rob him ; and therefore had joyned these two persons with him in the Confederacy . Being thus instructed , we proceed and arriving at the house , I was put in at a window , and directed how to open the doors , which I did , the the Coach-man stayed below stairs , and we other three by his directions went up into the Chambers ; the doors we soon opened , and coming to the bed side where the Master of the house and his Wife was , we dravving our swords ( for I had the Coach-mans delivered to me ) opened our dark Lanthorns , and seeing the man and woman , without many words we bound and gagg'd them : and they leaving me to watch them , went into the other Chambers to do the like to the rest : I being left alone in this Room was not idle ; but rummaged about , and found a Gold Watch a few Rings , and twenty pieces of Gold , these I secured for my self , and soon after my Companions returned ; when taking the Keys out of the Gentlewomans pocket , we soon found what we came for , the two hundred pound , and so marched off without any stay , or the l●ast interruption : the Coach-man stayed below in the Hall , where he had made a strict search , and had likewise plundred something from thence which after turned little to his profit : but we all left the hou●e with the doors open , and marched with the spoi●s of the field , bag and baggage , to a house about a mile distant , where they were so courteous as to give me fifteen pound out of the profits of their Adventure . I ( being sensible that I was well enough paid , in regard of the Gold and other things I had concealed ) thankfully received it , and so left them , marching on further to the next great To●n , where the next day I understood a great Fair was to be kept , and therefore I thought that place the most fitting to conceal my self in , and be freest from suspition , I got in a Barn and rested my self , taking some sleep ; but was much disturbed , being in great fear lest some misfortune might befall me ; And to the end that I might be the freer from suspect , in case of a Hue and cry , I went to a Sales-mans Booth , which was in the Fair ▪ and furnished we with a sad coloured Sute and Cloak , Citizen like , that I might pass for such a one if occasion were my old cloaths I left behind me in the Barn where I stripped my self . Thus did I escape all danger , but my Companions fared worse than I , for the covetous Coach-man not having any thing else whereon to exercise himself ; stole a Looking-glass which was below stairs , while we were above , and to conceal it from the rest of his Companions , put it in his Codpiece . When they had sufficiently stayed at the house where I left them , and had shared the prize they went to go homewards , but being flustred with the Bottles of Wine they had for joy drank off , they made it so long , that it was seven of the Clock in the morning ere they parted , and then were they overtaken by the Hue and cry , with a Constable who though he knew the Coach-man very well , and did not suspect him ; yet seeing him and his two companions ●o flustred , and somewhat to hang out at the knees of the Coach-mans Breeches , they made some stay , asking whether he had latel● been at some Wedding and had Bride-laces , which he had put in his breeches . The Coach-man being somewhat blank●d at this discovery , knew not what answer readi●y to return : This cau●ed them to examine him who they were that were his companions , and where they had been ? They were all now deeplier surprized than before , which gave so great suspition that occasioned a search , and in the end they found what they sought for , ( the Money ; ) and that which hung out at the coach-mans breeches , were some Ribbonds that were fastned to the Looking Glass . Upon this Discovery they were all Apprehended , carried before a Justice , and upon examination being found directly guilty , committed to Goal This did I hear of at the Fair that Afternoon as I was drinking in a booth : At the recital of this story , if any one had observed me , they might have easily conjectured that I was concerned therein ; for I was possessed with so much fear , that I looked like one rather dead then alive : but there was no occasion to suspect me , for the three others my companions being taken and with them the greatest part of the money , there was no occasion to make any further enquiry . ●hen did I bless my good fortune that I had left them so suddenly , and was so much out of danger , and that Evening I proceeded further on in my way towards London ; but being well furnished with Silver and Gold , I took up my Quarters in a very good Inn , where I had a good Supper and soft bed : and slept very well , considering the trouble I was in . At this Inn I stayed several days to hear what would become of my companions , ●or the Assizes were then at hand . I received this satisfaction , that they being Tryed , were all cast for their Lives ; the coach-man hanged , and the other two were to be transported . This was the end of my piece of Thievery , and I did then resolve never to hazard my self again in such matters , lest I came o●f with as bad succeess as the Coach-man . I stayed so long in this Inn , pretending to wait the coming of a ●ister of mine , that one day who should arrive there but the Maid-servant who lived with the Plaisterer I had served , and as I suppose was the cause of his drowning : now was I in greater fear then before , for I had lately escaped hanging for theft ; and now expected it for murther ; and I knew that this Wench was malicious enough against me , and would rather ●jure me by her exclamations , than secure me by her silence ; I therefore intended to give her the go-by , but could not , for she had now cast her eye upon me and discovered me , and came straight up to me to speak with me . How now , says she , you have made a fair Ramble ! Is it not time to return ? Well said I ; be silent a little , and let me speak with you in private ; and thereupon taking her by the hand , I led her into a private Room ; where calling for some dr●nk , I enquired of her how all our friends did , and more particular for my Master . Why , said she , you know well enough that he is dead . At this word I was more dead than alive , neither was I for the present able to ask her any more questions . The Drink being brought in , she drank to me ; Well , said she , however I am glad to see you here ; so am not I ( thought I : ) but recovering my lost senses I demanded of her how long my Master had been dead . She replyed , a fortnight . Nay ▪ thought I , then the Case is not so bad as I suspected , and therefore I proceeded in questioning of her how he died , and many other questions . She answered , that he died of a Feavour , which kept him not above fourteen days sick ; and he being dead , she was now returning into the Country to visit her Friends . Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not fear any danger , wherefore I called for a Bottle of Canary , which we drank off , and she related to me that he was not much hurt by the fall that I gave him for he went again to work the next day , and had made much enquiry after me , but as yet in vain . I told her that I indeed doubted that he had been drowned by the fall which he had received into the water , and therefore had absented my self ever since from London , wandring up and down in several Disguises ; But , said I , I will now go to London again but never to serve out my Time at that Trade ; for if I come upon a Scaffold again , I shall be much frighted with the remembrance of that disaster . She told me ▪ that now indeed I was free to dispose of my self since my Master was dead , and might chuse my Trade and Master . Thus did we spin out several hours of that day and night together till it was time to go to Bed , and then we parted ; she the next morning proceeded in her Journey into the Country , and I pursuing my resolutions of going to London , likewise went forward . But by the way met with an Adventure , which I shall relate to you . I was now resolved nothing should hinder me from proceeding in my Journey to London , and that I might get thither the sooner , I endeavoured to borrow a horse , but could not procure one , I being a stranger , every Person was unwilling to trust me : but at noon-day staying for a bait , I happened into the company of a Trooper , who was likewise travelling to London ; we dined together , and he asking whither I was going ? I told him he said he should be glad of my company . I said , that would be very pleasing to me if I might enjoy his ; but I could not because he was better furnished for a Journey than I , being provided with a Horse , and I on Foot ; he told me that inconveniency might be supplyed , for there were Horses in the Stable to be let . I told him that I would give any consideration for the hire of one , and that he , if acquainted , might do me much kindness in procuring one for me : he seeing me full of Money , quickly procured me a Horse , engaging himself that I should leave the beast at his London quarters . My Host being well acquainted with him , and he being to ride along with me , was contented : and I paying five shillings for his hire , had the horse delivered to me , and on his back I mounted , thinking my self to be some brave fellow : As we rid along together ▪ we overtook a female Creature , young and handsome , in somewhat an antient decayed , but Gentile garb . The Trooper being a notable well experienced blade , soon fell into discourse with her ▪ and found her to be a Rambling Baggage , whose journey was now intended for London , and would be glad of our company , were she accommodated with a horse : to that I offered her my service , and agreed that she should ride behind me ; to which she assenting , soon mounted ; and now we merrily put on , holding a pleasant discourse with our female companion . I had a great desire to take a better view of her than I could , being thus on Horse-back together , and therefore perswaded the Trooper to make a halt at the next Town which we came to , where we all dismoun●ed , and I saluted my Lady , who kindly received my courtesie . The Trooper after some discourse , wa● well enough acquainted with the Lady , having oftentimes been merry with her , and others , at the house where she lodged in London . He call'd me on one side , and told me , that she was a per●on whom he had been formerly acquainted with , and so might I too if I would , and if I had any desire thereto , he could and would assist me I told him he had done me many kindnesses in the small time of my acquaintance , and now he had offered that which exceeded all ; for indeed I was much taken with her beauty , and very de●irous I was to enjoy her . Well , said he , let us be going from hence , and make you your bargain with her as you ride along by the way , and I will take such care in the business that you shall be entertained as Man and Wife at my quarters , and there lie together . I was in●nitely glad of this his kind prosfer , and thankfully accepted thereof ; and so after some little longer stay , we again mounted our steeds and put forwards : according to his instruction I courted my Mistress , and without much difficulty obtained her promise to permit me to lye with her , and so we rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters ▪ where he told his Landlady , that he had brought her some guests ; for this young ●an and his Wife , ( said he ) pointing to us , will stay here all night : they shall be we come said the Hostess , and so a supper was provided ; for as we did eat and drink with a very good appetite , and my Land●ady did accompany us , who I found was ve●y well respected , and ●amiliar with the Trooper ; and bed time being come which I ●ad much de●ired , I and my Lady went to bed , neither did the Trooper●ie alone , for our Landlady was his bedfellow ; how he spent the night I know not , but I am sure for our parts we slept but little , for it was the first time that I ever enjoy●d a Woman naked in my arms all night , and I was ravished with delight , never having had so much pleasure . My bed-fellow was well enough contented with the entertainment I gave her ; we discoursed of one anothers ●ortunes ▪ but whether she told me the truth of hers , I know not , but I disguised mine wholly from her , not thinking it fit to make her acquainted with my late adventures : she told me , that the occasion of her late travel was this , that she and two Women more of her acquaintance had been perswaded by three Gentlemen to a ramble , and had gone-down to such a City in a Coach , that they had for some time continued together as three men and wives a● an Inn , and there had enjoyed a full plenty of every thing ; but at length the three Gentlemen had basely left them to pay a great reckoning in a strange place , and all they had would not make the one half of it , that they had for some time waited in expectation of the return of their friends , but in vain , o that at last it was agreed that one of us , said she , should go f●r London , and procure money to redeem the rest , and the lot falling on me , I have prosecuted the journey ; and hope to raise money to releive and redeem my companions . I hearing this story was sensibly troubled thereat and offered her my assistance , and she so far prevail'd with me , that I le●t her five pound to send to her companions , she promi●ing me to continue either there , or at any other p●ace with me so long as I should please and at our coming to her quarters at London to repay me my mony with many thanks . To all this I agreed , and the next day she conveyed mo●● part of the mony to her companions by a ●oach that travelled ●●ither : and thu● did I enjoy this Lady for many nights together , and lying at Rack and Manger : the Hor●e I ●ent back at the directions of the Trooper , who like●ise continued with his Hoste●s , a●d only my purse paid for all ; but indeed we lived sparingly enough , the Trooper being one of the honeste●t Travellers that ever I met with . The Coach-man who carried the money to the a●●licted and distressed Damoysels , returned , and with him the Ladies , very glad of their safe ●e●urn , and very thankful were they , not only to their companions who sent it , but also to me of whom she said she procured it , and now we ●ll thought of removing to London , but one night more we lay at o●r old quarters , where I had the greatest frolick I was ever guilty of , for that night I kist with all three of the women , and pleased them round , by giving each of them a tryal of my skill . Wha● now could I desire to enjoy further ? I thought my self to be as brave a fellow as the great Turk in his Seraglio , he having but his choice of Women . which I now enjoyed to my f●ll content . But morning coming , we took leave of our Hostess , and the Trooper , and all four taking Coach , soon came to London , where I took up my Quarters with my three Damsels , who made very much of me , and indeed they were the ho●estest Wenches , and I had the best frolick that I ever had in my life , but in time I was weary of this life , for what man can last out always ? And I finding my pocket begin to shrink , bethought me that it was fit to leave off in time , for all my Silver was gone ; and ten pound of my twenty pound in Gold : but I selling my Watch and Rings raised ten pound more ; with this stock of twenty pound I was resolved to retire , and fit my self for some employment . My three Ladies never offered to return me the five pound I had lent them , neither indeed could I handsomely expect it ; for they had been very liberal in their expences , and had declined all other company to accommodate me . They heard of their three Gentlemen who had trapan●d them in the Country , and so wisely plaid their Cards that they gained all their money again , I ass●sting them , and pretending the man of the house had assigned the money to me . I scorned to pocket any of it , but gave it amongst them ; and so being resolved to take another course of life , I retired my self from them : and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment , I hired one who was well known therein , to teach me to write more perfectly than I could formerly , as also Arithmetick ; I likevvise hired several Books of a Stationer , for vvhich I gave him so much per week ; These being chiefly Knight-Errantry and Romances , I took much pleasure therein . I had a mind to diversion and went to visit my Damoyselles and thus did I live the pleasantest life in the World ; but I had so much reason as to think that things vvould not last long as they vvere , and I had no inclination to stealing , more vertuous thoughts had now possessed me , and therefore a Trade being the only thing that vvould maintain me ; I enquired for one , and setled my self , as you shall hear in the next Chapter . CHAP. XI . He being new come to London , puts himself Prentice to a Taylor ; he gets acquaintance with Prentices of all sorts ; is with them at their Tavern-frollicks : he is employed by a Scrivener to make Cloaths for a Wench , he goes with him to her , and returning , the Scrivener promises him an account of that trade ; the Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years of his Apprenticeship , and his Masters first cheats by counterfeiting a Seal . BEing now tome to London , I was resolved not to be idle , but settle my self to some one Trade , that I might be able to get a living ; and having already had tryal of several at fitst a Barber-Surgeon , then a Tapster , a Cook a Lock smith . Taylor , Baker and Plaisterer : and being still forced for some reason or other to leave them all , did now resolve to fix upon one that should do my business , and vvhereby I might at all times , and in all plaees , be able to live by my hands , for Lands I had none . I considered of all the Trades I had already been a practitioner in , and many others none suited so vvell vvith my humour as that of a Taylor ; wherefore I sought for several Masters , but they vvere all unvvilling to take me for less than seven years , it being the custom of London that none can be bound for less time , nor be made a Free-man till they have served so long . I vvas unwilling to bind my self on those terms , knowing my temper was variable , and did believe , I should not hold out to serve such a term : but after several enquiries and tryals , I did light upon a Master who was willing to take me for five years , only this I perswaded him to do in regard I already had a good hand in working and being industrious in my employment , so that though I was bound for seven years , yet I had a Writing under my Masters hand ; that the last two years I should dispose of my self as I pleased , and yet he could make me a Free-man at seven years end . My Master was not only a Taylor , but kept a Brokers Shop , wherein he sold all sorts of Cloaths , new and old ; He lived in one of the prineipallest Streets of the City , and was in good esteem with his Neighbours , who were all persons of some quality not of the meaner sort but substantial Trades-men , as Goldsmiths , Grocers , Drugsters , Scriveners , Stationers &c and I ( being now well fitted with Cloaths , and having m● pockets pretty well lined with money which I had still kept by me ) was a fit and welcome Companion to the best sort of Apprentices , in whose society I did soon insinuate my self , and having money to spend equal with the best , I came acquainted with a whole Gang of such Blades that all my former knowledge was nothing in comparison to vvhat I soon experimented from them ; for their Masters being of the vvealthiest sort of Citizens , and keeping Country-houses at Newington , Hackney , Stepney , &c. they often had opportunity in their absence to meet and keep their Club or general Rendezvous , vvhich vvas commonly every other night , at one of the Taverns near adjoyning : and my Master ( vvho did well enough understand that I was frequently abroad behold , my face all smearen , my cloaths set full with patches upon the whole cloth , a red clout upon my leg , and supporting my body with a staff , as if I had been a meer cripple . Many a mile we rambled , yet keeping still in our own station , for fear of the Vpright-man : but my counterfeit Plea for begging was at last discovered , and to all my dainties , I had whipping chear added ; for going one day not far off from a Farm house , the stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them with my staff , and having struck one of them , I had forgotten my lameness , but very nimbly ran and took her up , putting her under my pacht Coat , where I had a bag sewed in that was a receptacle for all stollen goods . It chanced that the Farmer himself was then on the other side of the hedge , who undiscover'd by me , saw my activity in the stealing of his Hen , and was resolved , though I put it up , that he would not . But I dreading nothing , thinking my self unseen , went directly to the House , and as soon as I came into the yard , fell to my old trade , leaning on my staff , and drawing my leg after me , as if scarce able to stand , much less to run . Having gotten to the door , I began to set up my tone with a Good tender hearted people , be pleased to bestow your charity upon a poor miserable wretch that is both lam● and hungry ; one penny of silver to buy him salve for his sore leg , or one morsel of victuals to put into his belly that hath had nothing come in it this couple of days . No sooner had I ended my Maunding , thinking to mump the Farmer out of some money , or at leastwise some bread to my Hen , but he having watch'd me now , seiz'd hold on my arm , and told me , that though it might be true that I had not latel● eaten , yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided for the future , and so turning back my Coat , discover'd my bag , where was not only the Hen , but some other provant I had lately purchased . I finding my self caught , would gladly have given him the slip , but some of his servants , as well as himself , stop'd me , without any more ado , the Harman-beck was sent for , who being a Neighbour , quickly came , and by this time , I had a great train of Boys and Girls to attend me : I needed not much Examination being thus taken in the manner , but however , they were all desirous to see my sore Leg ; I was forced to let them do what they would with me , knowing there was no remedy but patience , suffer'd them to unrowl and take off the Clouts and Rowlers that was upon it , when coming to the skin , that was as whole and as sound as a fish ; but though my Leg was well and whole , my Heart was now almost broken with consideration of what they would do with me ; some proposed one punishment , and some another , but at length to the Whipping-Post I was led , where my Doublet and shirt being stript off , my back was so long lac'd with a Cart-whip , that I caper'd and flownc'd like a Horse in a Quagmire , and I was as fast too , being hand-cuffed so that I could not stir . It was well it was the Spring time , for I lost Blood enough to purge away the gross humours without the help of a Surgeon ; that office being supplied by a Thrasher , who took as much pains upon me , as would have Thrash'd a Bushel of Pease ; but at length there was a Cessation , and a new Parlee began , wherein it was propounded , that further course should be taken with me , and considering that there was a kind of Felony committed upon the Hen , they advis'd , and agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the Peace to have his Judgment in the Case , tho I thought it unreasonable to suffer Punishment first , and then to be Judged ; yet it was to no purpose to complain , and all I could say , would not prevail with them to let me go , but they would conduct me to the Justice , so that I having put on my Cloaths , my shirt stuck to my back , and made me sensible that I had lost leather , but for all that , on I must , and the Justice living a mile off , the Thrasher who had lash'd me , and two or three others , made Holliday to attend me : when we came before the Justice , he hearing that I had been punished already , was pleased , at my opportunity , to acquit me from any other , and onely to make a Pass to send me home to London , being the place where I told them I was born : I not having power to contradict , was forced to consent to what was commanded , and that Constable attending me out of his Liberties to another Constable , left me : This new Constable , who now had me in keeping , not being willing to go further with me , for that Night put me up in the Cage , where I was lock'd up , but not so safely , but I made shift to break out , and travelling all Night , by the next morning , I was far enough off for them to o'retake me , for all that day I conceal'd my self in a Wood , and when Night came , I proceeded on my Journey ; but it so happened , that on the second Night of my Travel , about Midnight , I was overtaken with three Persons , who demanded where I was going , I told them any whither ; they asked me , what I was , I replied , a wretched Person whom Fortune had Persecuted , and therefore I was indifferent whether I went , or what I did . Hearing me say so , they retired to consult about their affairs , and then one of them coming up to me , demanded several questions of me concerning my late course of life ; To all these questions I returned them such answers , as caused them to conclude me a Rambler , and therefore fit for their Society , and therefore they asked me if I were willing to hazard my self in enterprising somewhat , that though it might be something dangerous , yet it should be very profitable . To this I answered , that they should soon find my willingness expressed in the boldness of my actions , and if seconded or assisted by them , I should act any thing they would direct and appoint . They hearing my Reso●ution , soon consented to admit me into their Society , and acquainted me with their present purpose , which was to Rob a house not far from that place : They told me that I must be valiant and bold , ( not in fighting ) for they knew they should meet with little occasion to exercise any weapon , but in entring the House , and performing other such matters as they should instruct me in . I told them I consented to what they should propose , and therefore desired them to tell me what part I was to act in this Enterprize , and as for a part of the purchase , I should leave that to them , which I desired them to give me as I should deserve . Then one of these persons told me , that he was very well acquainted in the house , and gave me an account of the several ways and passages into every Room , and who was lodged in such Chambers . In fine , I discovered that there was but two Men , and three Women-kind in the House , and he being a Coachman , had lately brought the Master of the house home with two hundred pound , of which he had a desire to Rob him ▪ and therefore had joyned these two persons with him in the confederacy . Being thus instructed , we proceed , and being Arrived at the house , I was put in at a window , and directed how to open the doors , which I did , the Coachman stayed below-stairs , and we other three by his directions went up into the Chambers , the doors we soon opened , and coming to the Bed-side , where the Master of the house and his Wife was , we drawing our Swords , ( for I had the Coach-mans delivered to me ) opened our dark Lanthorns , and seeing the man and woman , without many words , we bound and gagg'd them ; and they leaving me to watch them , went into the other Chambers to do the like by the rest : I being left alone in this Room , was not idle , but rummaged about , and found a Gold Watch , a few Rings , and twenty pieces of Gold , these I secured for my self , and soon after my companions returned , wh●n taking the Keyes out of the Gentlewomans Pocket , we soon found what we came for , the two hundre● pounds , and so marched off without any stay , or the least interruption : the Coachman stayed below in the Hall , where he had made a strict search , and had likewise plundred something from thence which a●ter turned little to his profit : but we all left the house with the doors open , and marched with the spoils of the field , bag and baggage , to a house about a mile distant , where they were so courteous as to give me fifteen , pound out of the profits of their Adventure . I ( being sensible that I was well enough paid , in regard of the Gold and other things I had conceal'd ) thankfully received it , and so left them , marching on further to the next great Town , where the next day I understood a great Fair was to be kept , and therefore I thought that place the most fitting to conceal my self in , and be freest from suspition . I got in a Barn and rested my self , taking some sleep ; but was much disturbed , being in great fear lest some mis-fortune might befall me : And to the end that I might be the freer from suspect , in case of a Hue and Cry , I went to a Sales mans Booth which was in the Fair , and furnish'd me with a sad couloured Sute and Cloak , Citizen-like , that I might pass for such a one if occasion were ; my old Cloathes I left behind in the Barn where I stripped my self . Thus did I escape all danger , but my companions fared worse than I , for the covetous Coach man not having any thing else whereon to exercise himself , stole a Looking-glass which was below stairs , while we were above , and to conceal it from the rest of his Companions , put it in his Codpiece . When they had sufficiently stayed at the House where I left them , and had shared the prize , they went to go homewards , but being flustred with the Bottles of Wine they had for joy drank off , they made it so long , that it was seven of the Clock in the Morning ere they parted , and then were they overtaken by the Hue and Cry , with a Constable , who thought he knew the Coach-man very well , and did not suspect him , yet seeing him and his two Companions so flustred , and somewhat to hang out at the knees of the Coach-man 's Breeches , they made some stay , asking whether he had lately been at some Wedding and had Bride-Laces , which he had put in his Breeches . The Coach-man being somewhat blank'd at this discovery , knew not what answer readily to return : This caused them to examine him who they were that were his Companions , and where they had been ? They were all now deeplier surprized than before , which gave such great suspition , that occasioned a Search , and in the end they found what they sought for , ( the Money ; ) and that which hung out at the Coach-mans Breeches , were some Ribbons that were fastned to the Looking-glass . Upon this Discovery they were all Apprehended , carried before a Justice , and upon examination being found directly Guilty , committed to Goal . This did I hear of at the Fair that afternoon as I was drinking in a Booth : At the recital of this story , if any one had observed me , they might easily have conjectured that I was concerned therein ; for I was possessed with so much fear , that I looked like one rather dead then alive : but there was no occasion to suspect me , for the three others my Companions being taken , and with them the greatest part of the money , there was no occasion to make any further enquiry . Then did I bless my good fortune that I had left them so suddenly , and was so much out of danger , and that evening I poceeded further on in my ways towards London ; but being well furnished with Silver and Gold , I took up my Quarters in a very good Inn , where I had a good Supper and saft Bed , and slept very well , considering the trouble I was in . At this Inn I stay'd several days to hear what would become of my Companions , for the Assizes were then at hand . I received this satisfaction , that they being Tryed , were all cast for their Lives ; the Coach-man hang'd , and the other two were to be transported . This was the end of my peice of Thievery , and I did then resolve never to hazard my self again in such matters , lest I came off with as bad success as the Coach-man . I stayed so long in this Inn , pretending to wait the coming of a Sister of mine , that one day who should arrive there but the Maid-servant who lived with the Plaisterer I had Served , and as I suppose was the cause of his drowning : now was I in greater fear than before , for I had lately escaped hanging for theft , and now expected it for murther ; and I knew that this wench was malicious enough against me , and would rather injure me by her exclamations , than secure me by her silence ; I therefore intended to give her the go-by , but could not , for she had now cast her Eye upon me , and discovered me , and came straight up to me to speak with me . How now says she , you have made a fair Ramble ! Is it not time to return ? Well said I , be silent a little , and let me speak with you in private ; and thereupon taking her by the hand , I led her into a private room , where calling for some drink , I enquired of her how all our Friends did , and more particular for my Master Why said she , you know well enough that he is dead . At this word I was more dead than alive , neither was I for the present able to ask her any more questions . The Drink being brought in , she drank to me ; Well , said she , however I am glad to see you here ; so am not I ( thought I : ) but recovering my lost senses , I demanded of her how long my Master had been dead , she replyed , a fortnight , nay , thought I , then the Case is not so bad as I suspected , and therefore I proceeded in questioning of her how he died , and many other questions , she answered , that he died of a Feaver , which kept him not above fourteen days sick , and he being dead , she was now returning into the countrey to visit her Friends . Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not fear any danger , wherefore I called for a Bottle of Canary , which we drank off , and she related to me , that he was not much hurt by the fall that I gave him , for he went again to work the next day , and had made much enquiry after me , but as yet in vain . I told her , that I indeed doubted that he had been drowned by the fall which he had received into the water , and therefore had absented my self ever since from London , wandering up and down in several Disguises : But , said I , I will now go to London again , but never to serve out my Time at that Trade ; for if I come upon a Scaffold again , I shall be much frighted with the remembrance of that Disaster . She told me , that now I was free to dispose of my self since my Master was dead , and might chuse my Trade and Master . Thus did we spin out several hours of that day and night together , till it was time to go to Bed , and then we parted ; she the next morning proceeded in her Journey into the Country , and I pursuing my resolutions of going to London , likewise went forward , but by the way , met with an Adventure , which I shall relate to you in the next Chapter . CHAP. XVII . In his Iourney to London , he overtakes a Trooper and a Wench , he lyes with her and two more of her Companions , and after this Frollick , he goes with them all to London . I Was now resolved nothing should hinder me from proceeding in my Journey to London , and that I might get thither the sooner , I endeavoured to borrow a Horse , but could not procure one , I being a stranger , every person was unwilling to trust me : but at noon-day , staying for a bait , I happened into the company of a Trooper , who was likewise travelling to London , we dined together , and he asking whither I was going , I told him : he said he should be glad of my company : I said , it would be very pleasing to me , if I might enjoy his , but that I could not , because he was better furnish'd for a Journey than I was , being provided with a horse , and I on foot : he told me , that inconveniency might be supplied , for there were horses in the Stable to be let : I told him , that I would give any consideration for the hire of one , and that he , if acquainted , might do me much kindness in procuring me a Horse , engaging himself that I should leave the Beast at his London quarters . My Host being well acquainted with him , and he being to Ride along with me , was contented : and I paying five shillings for his hire , had the Horse delivered to me , and on his back I mounted , thinking my self to be some brave fellow : As we rid along together , we overtook a Female creature , young and handsome , in somewhat an ancient decayed , but Gentile garb . The Trooper being a notable well experienced blade , soon fell into discourse with her , and found her to be a Rambling Baggage , whose journey was now intended for London , and would be glad of our company , were she accommodated with a Horse : to that I offered her my service , and agreed that she should Ride behind me , to which she assenting , soon mounted , and now we merrily put on , holding a pleasant discourse with our Female companion : I had a great desire to take a better view of her than I could , being thus on Horse-back together , and therefore perswaded the Trooper to make a halt at the next Town , which we came to , where we all dismounted , and I saluted my Lady , who kindly received my Courtesie . The Trooper after some discourse , was well enough acquainted with the Lady , having oftentimes been merry with her , and others , at the house where she lodged in London . He call'd me on one side , and told me , that she was a person whom he had been formerly acquainted with , and so might I too , if I would , and if I had any desire thereto , he could and would assist me . I told him he had done me many kindnesses in the small time of my acquaintance , and now he had offered that which exceeded all ; for indeed , I was much taken with her Beauty , and very desirous I was to enjoy her . Well , said he , let us be going from hence , and make you your bargain with her as you ride along by the way , and I will take such care in the business , that you shall be entertained as Man and Wife at my quarters , and there lie together . I was infinitely glad of this his kind proffer , and thankfully accepted thereof , and so after some little longer stay , we again mounted our Steeds , an put forwards : according to his instruction , I courted my Mistress , and without much difficulty , obtained her promise to permit me to lie with her , and so we Rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters , where he told his Landlady , that he had brought her some Guests , for this young Man and his Wife , ( said he ) pointing to us , will stay here all night ; they shall be welcome said the Hostess , and so a Supper was provided ; for as we did eat and drink with a very good appetite , and my Landlady did accompany us , who I found was very well respected , and familiar with the Trooper ; and Bed-time being come , which I much desired , I and my Lady went to Bed , neither did the Trooper lie alone , for our Landlady was his Bed-fellow ; how he spent the Night I know not , but I am sure for our parts , we slept but little , for it was the first time that I ever enjoy'd a Woman naked in my Armes all Night , and I was ravished with delight , never having had so much pleasure . My Bed-fellow was well enough contented with the entertainment I gave her ; we discoursed of one anothers Fortunes , but whether she told me the truth of hers , I know not , but I disguised mine wholly from her , not thinking it fit to make her acquainted with my late adventures ; she told me , that the occasion of her late Travel was this , That she and two Women more of her acquaintance , had been perswaded by three Gentlemen to a Ramble and had gone down to such a City in a Coach , that they had for some time continued as three Men and Wives at an Inn , and there had enjoyed a full plenty of every thing ; but at length the three Gentlemen had basely left them to pay a great Reckoning in a strange place , and all they had , would not make the one half of it ; that they had for some time waited in expectation of the return of their friends , but in vain , so that at last it was agreed , that one of us , said she , should go for London , and procure money to redeem the rest , and the lot falling on me , I have prosecuted the Journey , and hope to raise money to relieve and redeem my Companions . I hearing this Story , was sensibly troubled thereat , and offered her my assistance , and she so far prevail'd with me , that I lent her five pound to send to her companions , she promising me to continue either there , or at any other place with me , so long as I should please , and at our coming to her quarters at London , to repay me my money with many thanks . To all this I agreed , and the next day she conveyed most part of the money to her Companions by a Coach that travelled thither : and thus did I enjoy this Lady for many Nights together , and lying at Rack and Manger : The Horse I sent back at the directions of the Trooper , who likewise continued with his Hostess , and only my Purse paid for all , but indeed we lived sparingly enough , the Trooper being one of the honestest Travellers that I ever met with . The Coach-man who carried the money to the afflicted and distressed Damoyselles , returned , and with him the Ladies , very glad of their safe return , and very thankful were they , not only to their companions who s●nt it , but also to me , of whom she said , she procured it , and now we all thought of removing to London , but one night more we lay at our old quarters , where I had the greatest frollick I was ever guilty of , for that Night I kist with all three of the Women , and pleased them round , by giving each of them a tryal of my skill . What now could I desire to enjoy further ? I thought my self to be as brave a ●ellow as the great Turk in his Seraglio , he having but his choice of Women , which I now enjoyed to my full content . But morning coming , we took leave of our Hostess and the Trooper , and all four taking Coach , soon came to London , where I took up my Quarters with my three Damosels , who made very much of me , and indeed they were the honestest Wenches , and I had the best Frollick that I ever had in my life , but in time I was weary of this life , for what Man can last out always ? And I finding my Pocket begin to shrink , bethought me that it was fit to leave off in time , for all my Silver was gone , and ten pound of my twenty pound in Gold : but I selling my Watch and Rings , raised ten pound more ; with this stock of Twenty pound I was resolved to retire , and fit my self for some employment . My three Ladies never offered to return me my five pounds I had lent them , neither indeed could I handsomely expect it ; for they had been very liberal in their expences , and had declined all other company to accommodate me . They heard of their three Gentlemen who had trapan'd them in the Countrey , and so wisely plaid their Cards , that they gained all their money again , I assisting them , pretending the man of the House had assigned the money to me . I scorned to Pocket any of it , but gave it amongst them , and so being resolved to take another course of life , I retired my self from them : and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment , I hired one who was well known therein , to teach me to write more perfectly than I could formerly , as also Arithmetick ; I likewise hired several Books of a Stationer , for which I gave him so much per week ; they being chiefly Knight Errantry and Romances , I took much pleasure therein . I had a mind to diversion , and went to visit my Damoyselles , and thus did I live the pleasantest life in the world ; but I had so much reason as to think , that things would nor last long as they were , and I had no inclination to stealing , more virtuous thoughts had now possessed me , and therefore a Trade being the only thing that would maintain me , I enquired for one , and setled my self , as you shall hear in the next Chapter . The Extravagant Prentices with their Lasses at a Taverne Frollick . CHAP. XVIII . He being now come to London , puts himself Prentice to a Taylor ; he gets acquaintance with Prentices of all sorts , is with them at their Tavern-frollicks : he is employed by a Scrivener to make Cloaths for a Wench , he goes with them to her , and returning , promises him an account of that Trade . BEing now come to London , I was resolved not to be idle , but settle my self to some one Trade , that I might be able to get a living ; and having already had tryal of several , at first a Barber-Surgeon , then a Tapster , a Cook , a Lock smith , Taylor , Baker , and Plaisterer ; and being still forced for some reason or other to leave them all , did now resolve to fix upon one that should do my business , and whereby I might at all times , and in all places , be able to live by my hands , for Lands I had none . I considered of all the Trades I had already been a practitioner in , and many others , none suited so well with my humour , as that of a Taylor , wherefore I sought for several Masters , but they were all unwilling to take me for less than seven years , it being the custom of London that none can be bound for less time , nor be made a Free-man till they have served so long . I was unwilling to bind my self on those tearms , knowing my temper was variable , and did believe , I should not hold out to serve such a tearm : but after several enquiries and tryals , I did light upon a Master , who was willing to take me for five years , only this I perswaded him to do , in regard I already had agood hand in working , and being industrious in my imployment , so that though I was bound for seven years , yet I had a Writing under my Masters hand , that the last two years I should dispose of my self as I pleased , and yet he could make me a Free-man at seven years end . My Master was not only a Taylor , but kept a Brokers shop , wherein he sold all sorts of Cloaths , new and old : He lived in one of the principallest Streets in the City , and was in good esteem with his Neighbours , who were all persons of some quality , not of the meaner sort , but substantial Trades-men , as Gold-smiths , Grocers , Drugsters , Scriveners , Stationers , &c. and I ( being now well fitted with Cloaths , and having my Pockets pretty well lined with money , which I had kept by me ) was a fit and welcome Companion to the best sort of Apprentices , in whose Society I did soon insinuate my self , and having money to spend equal with the best , I came acquainted with a whole Gang of such Blades , that all my former knowledge was nothing in comparison to what I soon experimented from them ; for their Masters being of the wealthiest sort of Citizens , and keeping Countrey-houses at Newington , Hackney , Stepney , &c. they often had opportunity in their absence to meet , and keep their Club or general Randezvous , which was commonly every other night , at one of the Taverns near adjoyning : and my Master ( who did well enough understand that I was frequently abroad , and in what company I spent my time ) did not in the least oppose , or contradict me therein ; for I soon found that these young Jovial Blades , though Apprentices , yet they were my Masters best Customers , for there was none of them but had a Sute or two of Cloaths A la mode , which commonly lay at our house , which they put on when they had any Frollick out of Town , either at Christmas , Easter , or Whitsontide , or at any other time , when they pretending some urgent occasions , would give their Masters the slip . Thus was I one of the Gang , and had liberty to be with them so often as I pleased , by the connivance of my Master , whose profit consisted in my acquaintance with them ; for I soon brought him some new Customers , out of whom he could squeez good store of money for making their Cloaths , and sometimes he made three or four Sutes at a time , yet had no money for his pains , but he was satisfyed otherwis● in Commodities , which were more to his profit ; for the Mercer paid his Bill in stuffs , the Draper in Cloth , and the rest either in other good Commodities , which they had of their Masters , or with which they were furnished by their Companions . When any of them intended a new Sute for himself , Friend , or Mistress , it was but summoning the Brethren of the Club together , and then the Mercer brought his Stuffs or Silks , the Milliner Buttons , Ribbons , and Lynings , for which they had in exchange such other Commodities as the others could produce : there was only two Trades that had little or no commodities to exchange , and that was the Scrivener and Book●eller , and therefore I wondred from whence they should get to be so fine as the rest ; but I observed what they wanted in Wares , was supplyed in Money , which was a Commodity would command every thing else . How they should get the Money I knew not , for I could not imagine that in making of Bills and Bonds , the Scrivener could cheat his Master of Money , or that the Bookseller could sell many books by the by , and put money in his own pockets , for I knew they were not so vendible a Commodity as Cloath , Silk , &c. But one evening we being at our general Rendezvous , where we had good Wine , and better company , being attended by two or three Suburbian Females , who were the Doxies of our Comerades . The Scrivener ( having the finest outside , being in his private Sute of Apparel , and having his pockets well lined with Maslin , of Gold and Silver ) took occasion to court one of the Women not only publickly but privately ; and though she were till then a stranger to him , yet he won her from her other Friend , and to enduce her to be kind to him , he called me to him , and ordered me to provide her a new gown and peticoat of flowred Tabbee , and immediatly calling to our Mercer who served us all , gave him as much money as the Silk was worth , and all the engagement he desired from the Bona Roba , was that he might have the first taking up of the peticoat , and then if she liked her old sweet-heart best , she might afterwards use her pleasure , either admitting him or t'other to her embraces , or either of them as she plea●ed , to this they all three agreed , and the Mercer who took about four pound for Silk was ordered ( by a general vote ) to spend forty shillings of the money for that present reckoning ; and all the rest went Scot-free , and after a lusty cup of wine , some dishes of meat , and fidlars ; they for that time broke up their meeting . This liberality and rather prodigality of the Scrivener put me into some confusion , and very desirous I was to know how he gained so much money , wherefore I speedily procured the apparel to be made , and delivereth it to him to his content , I so highly pleased him , that he desired me to go with him to the Ladies lodging who was to wear it . I accordingly waited on him thither , and she receiving him with much chearfulness , accepted it ; it was soon put on , and it was not long before they retired out of the room wherein I was into another ; where I suppose she was so curteous as to permit him not only to take up the peticoat , and somewhat else to his liking , but to dispose of her at his pleasure , for they stay'd together near an hour . Neither was I left alone , but had the old Matron of the house , and a young Bona Roba , to accompany me , where we were not Idle , but made the bottles of Sack and Stepony fly for it : when their business was over ( and ours almost done , for we had so ply'd the liquor that our noddles were fuller of wine than wit ) they briskly entred the room where we were , and without any coyness fell stoutly to drinking ; for seeing us neer thirty one , they with full bowls quickly put us out , so that I was enforced to go to sleep , which I supposed was about 3 hours , and waking , I found my Gallants wanting , but I believe they were not at all at that time idle ; for upon inquiry and search , I found them in another Chamber together , where I suppose she had fully performed the agreement for her cloaths to the content of the Scrivener , who now after a fresh bottle of wine , and payment of the reckoning which was no small one , hearty farewels given , and taken of his Mistris , her companion , and the Matron , we left that house , and taking Coach ordered the Coach-man to drive to the next Tavern to my Master , where we called for a room , wine and a fire , he gave me an Angel for my days service , and shifting himself , put on his ordinary , and gave me his best cloaths to lay up at my Masters , wishing him to acquaint him that I had been in his company , and that would be sufficient for my excuse : I thanked him for his kindness , and Civility , and told him that his bounty had so tyed me to him , that I should at all times be joyful if I might serve him : As for my bounty , said he , I shall for the future be more free to you , and for money you shall not want ; for I am in a capacity to furnish my friends , having the command of a great deal of cash which I know well enough how to order to my own advantage , and it is but reason that I should dispose of some as well as my Master ; for it is in my power to strip him of the greatest part of his estate , and ruine him in his credit . I being inquisitive after secrets , desired him to tell me how that Trade ( which I supposed , only consisted in the making a few small writings ) could be so profitable : To this he answered , and indeed it was true , they made not many writings , but dealt in much money , and his Master had an extraordinary way ; for ( persued he ) if my Master wants two or three thousand pound , he can quickly command it , though he began with nothing , and indeed , had every Bird her feather , he hath no estate : But he hath such slights , wayes , and confederates , that he can do what he listeth . He hath one peice of Brass hath yielded him two thousand pound : that is much said I , and there must be more in your trade then I can imagine , and I would be very glad to be acquainted with some of your Mysteries , and since you have promised me your friendship , whatever you shall relate to me , shall be surely and safely closeted up in my breast , and shall never by me be offered to your prejudice , and it may be some of your advice in your affairs may be profitable ; for I have had much more experience in the world than you imagine . This discourse and some other arguments which I used , induced him to give me a relation of many passages of his life : But much of the Knaveries of that mysterious Trade , which discourse he began to me in this manner . CHAP. XIX . The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years of his Apprenticeship , and his Masters first Cheats , by counterfeiting a Seal . WHen I came first to Prentice ▪ my Master ( by reason of the Wars , which caused a general deadness in Trading ) had but little to do : but he being one of the confiding party , did thereby get acquaintance with several Rich men , and in short time , by reason of the pretended Sanctity , was entrusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred pound , which he did to his content ; for he had a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven hundred pound , assigned for security . My Master never having dealt in money before , and now finding the sweetness of Procuration , and making of Writings , longed to be at it again : but though he had moneys offered him to put out , yet he could not meet with any security to content ; for personal security by reason of the casualty of the Wars , was generally disliked , and Land in the Country was for the same reason refused , and only Leases in London , or Lands about London , was counted sufficient and approved of , wherefore this Companies Lease , on which he had procured monies , did run much in his head , wishing for such another security , and projecting somewhat , which since he had put in Execution , as I will tell you by and by : but I will first acquaint you how I behaved my self for the first three years of my time , whereby my Master took so good a liking to me , as to communicate his secrets to me . My Master was always good natur'd , and kind to me , but on the contrary , my Mistriss was cross and froward , so that I could seldom get a good word from her , and she would still employ me in several pieces of drudgery , as to carry burthens from London to our Countrey-house , and then I must bring back from thence fletten or skim'd Milk , on which we must feed two or three days in the week , when my Master would allow good roast Beef , which she would send for away : but I was ●till even with her for her nigardliness , and when I came to the Country House , I would usually get my ●hare of the Cream ; and being a Lover of the Pies and Puddings , steal some from her . One time I being in the Larder , had a great mind to a bak'd Pudding that was there , but at first durst not meddle with it , because it was with other good cheer to be served up at the Table to Dinner , where were some guess : but for all that , the loveliness of the Pudding made me take my knife , and turning it upside down , cut out one half of it , and so turning it down again , left it to be served hollow to the Table : but I departed for London e're Dinner was served , I know not how the Maids came off . At other times when I came to the Countrey-house , if the Fruit of the Orchard were ripe , then the Gate was lock'd , and I was not admitted therein , but I would have my share by day or night ; for I once invited some of my confederates to Church thither on a Sunday , and in the Sermon time went with them and Rob'd our own Orchard , which no body else durst attempt because of our Mastiff ; nay , I went once from London at midnight , and having some of my Copesmates with me , I entred the Orchard , and fetcht out the fruit , which I would be sure should be of the best , and choicest of all the ground , and gave it to my companions , and so we returned loaden to London ; and thus did I vex her for her nigardliness , and although my Master did well enough suspect me , yet he would only laugh at my Mistress when she was most passionately angry , and say , she was but rightly served . But at length my Master had a Son , who when I came first to Prentice was at a Boarding-School ; but in time growing up , his Mother had a great desire to have him live at home and be a Clerk ; for my Masters employment increasing , I gained moneys , and bought me some fine cloaths , and wore a Watch in my Pocket , at all which she was envious , and desirous that her Son might enjoy what I did , and therefore Bound he was to his Father , and though this happened three years after I came , yet such was the injustice that I had done me , that he was not only placed before me in a Seat , but I was commanded to make clean his Shoes , and attend him , as if he had not been a Servant . This though I was forced to comply with , yet I was resolved to be revenged of , and therefore set my wits to work ; I did clean his Shoos , but in the edges , instead of greazing them , I anointed them with Aqua fortis , and he putting them on , and going to the further end of London , the Soles of his Shoos fell from the Upper-leathers , they being so eaten by the Aqua fortis , and he fate at the Coblers-stall whilst they were Randed together again . He was of so covetous a disposition ( like his Mother ) that though he had moneys in his Pocket , yet he would seldom spend any at the Ale-house , and therefore sate at the Coblers-stall two hours , whilst his Shoos were made fit for him to walk with , and then he came home , and was soundly chidden by his Father , my Master , for his staying so long , which pleased me very well that he should be blamed for that fault whereof he had been so often guilty . He being of a sneaking peering humour , I could not be quiet for complaints he made of me , and by his applying himself close to his busine●s , he would dispatch as much writing as I did , though I could when I listed , do twice as much in the time , and when he had done , he would be mending and making his Pens ready against business came in , but I would spoil all his Pens by cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter than the other , so that when he came to write , he had his Pens to mend or new make , and so curious he was , that his Ink must be in a particular Standish by its self , whereto I would often put Oyl , so that it would not write ; and then for his Parchment , he would choose the best skins , and give me the worst and greasie , but I would in his absence greaze his Parchment by rubbing it with a Candles end . Many other inventions I had to hinder and cross him , I found two pair of his Gloves one time , and bestowed some Cowlich in all the seams on the inside of them , so that he putting them on , his hands quickly fell to itching ▪ and he to scratching , till they were all bloudy , and so hot , that he was forced to put them in a pail of water , and then he cut his Gloves in peices , that he might see what was in the inside , which was no small pleasure to me . He being a trouble and vexation to my fellow-servants as well as to me , they assisted me in my wageries and contrivances against him . In his Mothers absence at the Country House , he kept the key of the Cubbord and Buttery , to hinder us from the better sort of Victuals , but I soon got another key , and had my full share of every thing , and when missed any thing , perswaded him , the Rats and Mice bere●t him of it . When my Mistris came to Town she would have her Lodging in the Chamber over the Kitching , because she would hear if we sit up after her : T was a good while er'e I could think of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging , but understanding that she could not endure Rats and Mice , I got a great dead Rat , and in the day time put it into her bed between the sheets , so that she opening her bed to go into it , and seeing the Rat , was so extreamly affrighted , that she immediately left her Lodging , and went into another Chamber : but she doubting that we would sit up a nights after she was gone to bed , as indeed we often did , in Company of her Daughter , who was somewhat better condition'd than her Brother , and had many Junkets and Collations ; she called her Son to watch , and he being willing to catch us , would come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to listen ; but we discerning his practice , strewed the stairs with pease , and nointed the edges with soap , so that one night down he fell backwards , and almost brake his Rib with the fall , and gave us timely notice to shift away for our selves : his Mother hearing the noise , comming down her self to help him , was served in the same kind , I hearing of this , and all being dark , ran in my shirt and Breeches as if newly awaked , and instead of helping them , went to the stairs and wip'd and rub'd them , and conveyed most of the pease , so that my Master by that time being likewise up , and having a candle , did not distrust how they had been served , but helping them up , and I assisted my young Master to go to his Bed , the next day he concluded the House was haunted by Spirits : By this means we were rid of his watchings , for after he was once in his Chamber of a night , he seldom came out again to watch us . But he would commonly stay in the Kitching till he saw us all going to bed , neither would he permit me to come to the fire , upon which account we had a bussel , and I gave my Gentleman such a fall , that caused him to remember it a good while after : but his Mother remembred me the next morning , for he having acquainted her with the matter , she took upon her to revenge it , which she did in this manner . I according to custom coming to the Cistern for water , to water the shop before I swept it , having one finger of one hand in the hole at the bottom of the bottle , and my t'other being employed in holding the bottle , & being stooping at the Cock of the Cistern , my Mistris came near me , and there standing by me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts wherewith the maids had newly washed down the stairs , she takes them up and flaps them about my face , so that I looked as durty as a Chimney-sweeper ; and not contented therewith , she jouled my head against the Cistern : I thereupon standing upright and feeling my self wet , faced her , who now opening her mouth , made a great noise with her passionate exclamation against me for abusing her Son ; I let her go on in her discourse , and apprehending a way to be even with her , coming very near her , let my fingger go from the bottom of the bottle , and holding it over her , it ran all upon her , so that she then having a great belly soon felt her self too wet through , and then she would have been at me again , but I shewed her a fair pair of heels , and ran away . Thus was I still even with them both , and my Master would seldom do any thing but laugh at what I did , taking much notice of my unhappy wit ; for let her and her Son do all they could , I would be sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals ; and she was of that dirty humor , that at Christmas when she made a Feast , and a great deal of good chear was drest for her guests , she would then afford us nothing but a dish of stew'd Turneps , Milk , Pottage , or at the best , a leg of Beef ; and though much Victuals were left in Platters , and on Trenchers , that she bestowed on the Water-bearer or Chair-woman , that they might report what a brave House she kept , and not a bit was given to us his Servants , unless she had kept it so long till it was mouldy or worse . Once I remember she promised us some Plumb Pottage , and at the time she made two pots full , I asking the Maid wherefore so much was made ? she informed me , that one pot full was much better than the other ; I being told which was the best , when my Master and Mistress were at Dinner , got a good bason full of the best , and set it by for my self , and then mixed the rest , so that we had all alike . But to lay aside all these fooleries , and now to the purpose , my Master perceiveing me of a pretty smart wit , and fit for his purpose , he employed me in getting of a Seal made , the which I did , and it was like unto the Companies , which I told you was to the writing , upon which we lent 500 l. He did not tell me the use of it at present , but I soon found it out ; for not long after a Deed was made , and the Seal being put to it , my Master caused one who was his confederate to bring it to our shop at such a time , as he had a Usurer in his company who wanted security for Moneys . In comes our Gentleman , and calling my Master aside , asked him if he could procure 500 l. upon such a Companies Lease ; yes replied my Master , if it be a good one ; whereupon the Lease was produced , and the Usurer being there present , looked on it , and liked it so well , that he agreed to lend 400 l. upon it : This at first would not please the Gentleman , because he pretended he was to pay 500 l. but the value of the Lease being counted and reckoned at no more than 600 l. he was contented at my Masters perswasion to accept of 400 l. upon that security , and my Master promised him to furnish him with a 100 l. more on his Bond of another person , a Friend of his . Thus this business was made up , and an Assignment or Mortgage being made of this Lease , the money was paid , and my Master , as I soon after understood , had 350 l. thereof , and the Gentleman 50 l. and I was likewise rewarded with Twenty shillings , which the Gentleman gave me . Thus said the Scrivener , was my Masters first beginnings in Cheating , which indeed was but small in comparison to those many great ones which he soon after acted ; of which you shall have an account in the next Chapter . CHAP. XX. He Discourses of several of his Masters Cheats , whereby he gets his Estate . WIth this Stock of 350 l. my Master set up all his Knaveries , and being unwilling to venture it all in one bottom , he let 100 l. of it in small sums to House-keepers , which they paid again by the week at least 40 l. per Cent. for the use of it ; for if he lent five pound , they paid it by five shillings per week , and had but four pound ten shillings for their money , and my Master making the Bond in another mans name , he had commonly five shillings , and sometimes ten shillings for Procuration , and sometimes I had a shilling or two : thus did he dispose of some . Others he lent upon Commerce , which was thus : If he lent ten pound , he was to have fifteen pound for it on such a day , or the return of such a ship , which should first happen ; and though there was no such ship in the world came home , yet the time would come , and then it must be paid ; and this being counted an adventure , he could take what interest he pleased , as it is customary with Merchants to venture upon Bottomrie ; that is , on the bottom or keel of the ship , and then for security of payment of the money , though the ship should miscarry , they are wont to insure it at the Insurance-Office ; but my Master needed no such charge or trouble for insuring any ship , for he was sure the day would come , though the ship never did ; and thus did he make forty or fifty pound in the hundred : but he being once bit and sued in equity , afterwards took a more strict course , for he seldom lent any money thus but he would include in the Condition of the Bond a warrant to confess a Judgment upon default of payment : and to be sure when the time came , and the money not paid , he filled his Bond , which was warrant to confess Judgment , and thereby obtained a Scieri facias , to take execution on body or goods of the debtor , who little dreamt thereof , and then he seized all the penalty , to the undoing of some ; and he seldom lent unto any , but he had two or three bound for security , and that he might not be blamed nor sued , he made his Bonds and Judgments in the name of one who was his Confederate , and was a Prisoner in the Kings-Bench , so that when the penalty was recovered , it was to no purpose to sue him . And by degrees being now in Credit , and having moneys of other persons to dispose of , he would seldom lend any but upon morgages , because under the pretence of being paid for writings ( which he would be sure to make large enough ) he would sometimes take five pound for procuring a hundred , and say , though indeed six per Cent was as much as his friend the Usurer would take , yet he was forced every six moneths to present him with somewhat that should be equal to eight pound per Cent , and withal , that he was at charge not only to imploy one at the first to enquire of the Security , but he was at the charge of a Coach to go to see the Estate , and then he will reckon so much for his Pains , and so much for loss of Time , and so much for Writings , and so much for Expences , and so much for Expedition , and all this must be deducted out of the money : when the six months came that the money was due , then he must have the Interest , and so much for Continuation ; and this was a courtesie if he let them go so : but if the borrower came not , and readily at the time brought the interest and Continuation-money , he had several wayes to bring them in , for suddenly a Declaration of Ejectment was drawn up and delivered to the Tenant or Tenants in possession of the premisses , who being frighted at the matter , presently goes to the Landlord , who sensible of the matter , hies him to us . If this will no do , then an Officer is feed to enter an Action and Arest the borrower , who then is forced to come and comply upon extraordinary disadvantageous terms ; for after much intreaty , my Master may be perswaded to continue it : the Interest money being paid , as also Continuation-money , charge of Declarations of Ejectment ( for which we will reckon five or ten shilling paid to an Attorney , though it were done by my Master , or me by his command ) it may be twenty shillings , or forty shillings , for the Arrest , though it may be not above half a Crown was paid for it ; and then there must be at least twenty shillings , or forty shillings , to my Master for his pains , and if the borrower be not willing to pay all this charge , then will my Master ●ee an Attorney in earnest , and proceed upon the Declaration of Ejectment , and in short time get the possession of the Estate : and thus put the poor borrower to ten pound charge , and if he refuse to pay this , he shall fair worse ; for although in Equity the Lender of the money can hold the Premises no longer in his hands than till he is paid his Debt , Interest , and charges out of the Rent , yet my Master will so order the matter , that the borrower shall never have the Estate again ; for ( pretending that the Lender wanted his money , and was forced to sell the Estate to raise it ) he will pass it away to another , a Confederate , for the bare Money , Interest , and Charges that is due on it , or it may be , five or ten pound more ; and this is all the poor borrower can get in equity , which will cost him more the recovering than it is worth . Thus have we often had an Estate worth two hundred pound , for only fifty pound and Interest , and the poor borrower is forced to be quiet , not having any remedy . When an Estate is Mortgaged to us , we seldom let it go out of our hands , for if the money lent be not brought and paid just on the day , than we put the borrower off till the next six months , refusing to deliver up the Writings , and then it becomes forfeited , so that we force them to sell it to us , or give extraordinary Fees , to cause us to release our Interest ; especially if we discover it to be sold to another , we refuse to shew the Writings , and so weary out the borrower with delays and pretences , &c. But this was but small game , to what we after played , as I shall presently tell you , for the 350 l. being all put out in parcels ▪ and though they often returned with profit enough , yet it was very heard to get 400 l. together to pay the money that was borrowed , for now it had been lent a year , and the Usurer , though he hath never so good security , yet he loves to see his money sometimes , especially when he deals with a stranger , as the man was as borrowed it ; and though my Master might have cheated him of his money , yet he was unwilling so to give over , but proceed in his Trade , which had gained him so much ; wherefore my Master upon search and inquiry , found that the same Company ( whose Seal he had Counterfeited ) had a parcel of Land in the Countrey , not far from London , which they had let to a wealthy Citizen , who had given over Trading for some years , and now lived in the Country : my Master getting the particulars of this Land soon makes a Lease , and with the help of his Counterfeit Seal , makes it an authentick , so that without much trouble he procures a thousand pound to be lent upon it by another Usurer who lived private , and the business was ordered , that the Usurer was well enough contented without seeing the Land : my Master gave his old Confederate forty pound to personate the borrower , and then he paid in the four hundred pound that was formerly borrowed , so that only he thereby engaged that the Usurer to him , who now had so good an opinion of my Master , that he soon made it up fifteen hundred pound , and desired him to procure him either good security , or a purchase for it : all which was done in a fair way , to the Usurers content , and my Masters profit : and thus did our Trade increase , my Master getting much money , and many a Crown , and half-peice came into my pocket ; for he knowing that I was privy to the first Cheat , did humor me very much , and took his Son off from abusing me , and caused every body that borrowed money to give me some gratuity for expedition , so that I had money enough , and the keeping of all my Masters Cash is committed to my charge : My Master had one rare contrivance lately , which I will tell you of whilst it is in my mind ; and thus it was , he had a Kinswoman who had long lived with him , and some moneys he had of hers in his hands , which was a Legacy formerly given her by another . This Maid being Courted by a Shop-keeper in way of Marriage , the match went forwards , and was agreed upon on these terms ; the Shop-keepers Father was to give him a hundred pound in money to put him into Stock , and my Master was to give his Kinswoman fifty pound , this being agreed on , my Master takes the young man aside , and thus discourses him : Young man , here have I agreed to give fifty pound with my Kinswoman , which gains you a hundred pound of your Father , now I having not ready money by me , must borrow this fifty pound , for which you must be bound with me , and when it becomes due , I will pay it ; This I say you must do without acquainting your Father , and so the business shall be done , and I pray be a good Husband , &c. The young man soon consented , the marriage was consummated , and all things went well for a while , but within twelve months the young couple having run out all , my Masters Kinswoman came again to her Uncle to acquaint him with their condition , and desire his advice and assistance ; my Master was much troubled at this chance , for he expected the contrary , and intended to get back the fifty pound for which end he had the young man bound , that he might be forced to pay the money , when in a condition ; but seeing it was otherwise , he considered the matter , and wish'd her to send her husband to him , and be patient , and make no words , and all should be well : her Husband according to order came , and after several checks past for his ill husbandry , he asked him if his Father knew any thing of his Condition ? no , said the young man , I have kept it from his knowledge , and he thinks I thrive in the world , and is glad of it ? well them said my Master , you know I gave you fifty pound , for which you were bound , and indeed it is still unpaid : now if you will be contented to pay that fifty pound in , I will raise you two hundred pound , so that you shall have fifty pound more in ready money , and see how good a Husband you will be . To this the young man gladly consented , and my Master soon after took an occasion to meet and drink with his Father , and after some other discourse , they joyntly talked of the young mans thriving in the world , and were both glad of the match and good husbandry : but said my Master , now I think on it , there is now an opportunity of doing him much good if he had more money , and therefore you would do well to furnish them ; I shall not be backward , replies the Father , upon a good account , therefore I pray tell me the business : My Master thereupon told him , that with two hundred pound more he might be bravely setled and furnished , for the Lease of his House is to be sold , and I can get it for a hundred pound , and that is a rich penny-worth , and the other hundred pound , I would have him to lay out in furnishing his shop more plentifully , than now it is . Truly reply'd the old man , this would do well : but I have no money at present , neither if I had should I be willing to part from any more than a hundred pound at a time ; Well for that said my Master , if you please , I will mannage the matter : Thus will I procure two hundred pound for the young man , nay , and I have so great a love for him , that I will be bound with him for it , and when it ●hall be due , you shall only pay one hundred pond of the money , and your Son the tother : To this the old man after some pause , and a little consideration consented , the business was done , and and the money paid . My Master indeed being acquainted with the Landlord of the young mans House , gained a Lease of it for eighty pound , and made the young man allow a 100 l. and deducting the fifty pound he had formerly given him , he gave him t'other fifty pound . Thus had my Master his fifty pound again , and twenty pound for his pains in the business . When the mony became due , my Masters confederate the Usurer , in whose name the Bond was made , demanded the money of the young man , where there was none to be had ; and the old man was willng to pay only a hundred pound of it according to Contract , where shall I have the rest , said the Usurer ? why truly said the old man , if my Son cannot pay you , then let his wives Uncle , meaning my Master : But course was soon taken otherwise , and my Master being fir●t and principle in the Bond , made no more ado , but confessed Judgment , and thereupon Execution was taken out against them all , but only upon the old man , who was forced to pay all the money . Thus my Master , by being Principle in the Bond saved himself , regained the fifty pound he had formerly lent , and gained twenty pound , besides making of Writings , and this , said he , will serve to help my Kinswoman when I see occasion . I have heard him with good attention , and considering with my self my own petty Rogueries , and how inconsiderable they were in comparison of what he had related to me , could not but burst out into admiration , and told him , that I saw the world was an absolute cheat : and now I find that saying to be verified which I had often heard , That the world consisted but of two sorts , Knaves and Fools , and that the one lived by out-witting and cheating the other ; and if there were any honest men , they were such as only lived a contemplative life , and dealt not in this world ; their whole thoughts being taken up in the Contemplation of another ; Truly , reply'd the Scrivener , if you had known so much as I of all sorts of people , ( for we deal with people of all qualities and professions ) you would conclude so indeed : and as the poor mans ability will not carry him high enough to Cheat so much at first , so he attempting it , and being discovered , is quite lost : but if a Rich man or any who had success in Knavery sets upon it to get an Estate , it is soon compassed , and the folly and easiness of many honest borrowers , enriches the Knavish lender . Thus we both concluded , as sufficiently evidenced by the Examples he had given me : and therefore I desired him to proceed , which he did in this manner . CHAP. XXI . He proceeds in discovering several considerable Cheats of his Masters , whereby he grows very rich ; also some Cheats of his own , and so concludes . MY Master ( continued the Scrivener ) being now possessed of a thousand pound in ready Money , there fell out an opportunity of good advantage , ( and I have observed it , that there is no loss , but profit enough to be gained in keeping five hundred pound always in a readiness in Cash , especially in our Trade , where so many offers for sale of Land and Houses are daily made . ) The Landlord of my Masters house was lately dead , and his Son and Heir being a wild blade , soon spent all the ready mony his Father left , and all the Debts he could well get in ; and now to selling of some of his Houses he must go , and my Master known to be a moneyed man , and a Scrivener , was thought to be the best Customer : He therefore propounds borrowing of five hundred pound , but my Master being now possessed of a round sum , and hoping to have a good penny-worth , was very willing to buy . The young man and some friends were unwilling , and could not agree upon tearms , and my Master at last consents to lend the money , provided he may have a Mortgage of all that Estate in that place , which amounted to two hundred pound per annum , which was worth three thousand pound , and said he , you shall not need to make me an absolute assignment or sale of it , only a Lease at a Pepper-corn a year for one and twenty years : But to confirm it , and for a collateral security , you must give me a Statute Staple , to which our young man and his friends consented . The Lease was made , and a Statute for a thousand pound entred into it , and the money paid and lent for six months only . The noise of this , and my Masters other Trading , brought him into great esteem both with lenders and borrowers , so that his Name being up , he may lie a bed till noon , and yet get money enough . A purchase of Land in the Country was offered , and my Master bought it for a thousand five hundred pound , of which he borrowed upon a Lease of part of it . The six months quickly came about , wherein his young Landlord was to pay the five hundred pound : but ( according to my Masters expectation ) he failed , and then it was to be sold , my Master agreed to give two thousand five hundred pound for it , and so they struck up a bargain , five hundred he had received before , a thousand pound he made a shift to borrow upon the Mortgage of the Land he had lately purchased ; ( for , though as I told you he had borrowed five hundred pound of the money when he purchased the Land , and gave a mortgage of part of it for security , yet he keeping the principal Writings in his hands , concealed that mortgage , and now borrowed a thousand pound more of it ) five hundred pound more he raised in ready money of his own , which was two thousand pound , and for the other five hundred pound , the remainder of the two thousand five hundred pound : his young Landlord took his Bond for the money , not questioning his security for five hundred pound , that could pay two thousand pound ready money , neither indeed had he occasion as yet for it . This being concluded , the money being paid , and writings Sealed , my master would not remember to give up the Statute he had for a thousand pound , but he had another now for five thousand pound for security of his bargain , and the young man never so much as desired a Defeazance upon the Statute , but mark what followed : The youngster in short time , keeping riotous Company , wasting his body as well as purse , died , and his younger Brother seized on his Estate that was unspent : and among other things , on my masters Bond of five hundred pound , and soon after demanded it , though my master at first was nonplus'd , yet he soon bethougt him of a way how to discharge and acquit himself of it , and thereupon returned this answer . It is very true , your Brother and I had much dealing , and I did give him such a Bond , which I am ready to pay to his Executor , which you tell me you are , provided you pay me what he likewise owed unto me ; why , replyed the young man , did he owe you any moneys ? yea , said my Master ; and whereas you produce a Bond , which indeed is a very good specialty , I shall produce somewhat that is higher , and indeed the highest security that can be given for any Debt , and that is a Statute Staple : and thereupon he produced one Statute first , that was given for a thousand pound upon borrowing of the five hundred pound ; nay , but said the young man , I suppose that this was part of the money that was for the purchase of your dwelling house and others ; for that , said my Master , I can shew you a particular Receipt for all the money under his hand and Seal , and also a general acknowledgment in the Deed of Conveyance : wherefore this money I must have you pay me first , and afterwards I shall talk with you further ; what do you mean by further talk said the young man ? why , said my Master , I mean to have of you all that your Brother owed me , which is much more than you think for ; for he and I had great dealings together for great sums of money than all this , as I shall further shew you ; and thereupon he produced the second Statute , which was for five thousand pound . This demand of my Masters so vexed the young man , that he departed , and soon began his course at Law against my Master , but he took a wrong Sow by the Ear , for he finding whereabouts he intended on his two Statutes , was too quick for this youngster , and gained a Liberate , which he delivered to the Sheriff , who served it on all the Estate of the Deceased , so that by this means all that was unspent of the Dead young mans Estate ( amounted in Land to the value of four thousand pound ) came to my Masters hands , and yet he says he is unsatisfied : and the young man the Brother of the Deceased , cannot help it , for by this means he is bere●t of his Estate to go to Law : and when money and means is wanting friends are searce ; besides , I know not how he can avoid it , his Brother not having taken a Defeazance , as he ought to have done . Here was a matter worth playing the Knave for , and would induce some men to leave off : but my Master had so good success in his Proceedings , that he is resolv'd to proceed in them . The money that he borrowed on all the Mortgages , both counterfeit Leases and others , he soon paid off , and yet left himself worth above three hundred pound per annum , and money in his Purse . Thus having a good Estate , and now being full of employment , both for buying , selling , borrowing , and lending : he always keeps a good Bank of money . If any purchase of Land come at twelve or thirteen years purchase , he buyes it , because he knows of a Customer that will give fifteen or sixteen . And thus he will gain five hundred pounds in a weeks time . We lately had one business worth all the rest , and which hath now made him weary of getting money : a Knight having a Lordship in the Country worth two thousand pound per annum , comes first to borrow money , and grants a Lease and Statute upon the borrowing of two thousand pound : this my Master lent himself of his own money , the Knight within a Month or two being to Marry a Daughter , wants two thousand pound more , which was likewise promised on the same security : by this time my Master was somewhat dreined of his ready money , and knowing that the Knight would soon be with him again , he casts about how to raise more : which thus he does , he borrows 1500 l. upon a Lease of part of his purchase of his dwelling house and others , and keeps the grand Writings in his hands ; he borrows a thousand pound on his Land in the Country , and another party he borrows fifteen hundred pound more upon a Lease of part of his purchase of his dwelling house and others , keeping still the grand Writings in his hands : and thus having eight thousand pound ready money , he goes to the Knight , and upon treaty , agrees to give him thirty two thousand pound for his Estate , which price being concluded on , he borrows two thousand pound upon his dwelling house and others , and then parts with the grand Writings , and Covenants that the Estate is free of Incumbrances , though he had twice Mortgaged it in part : and thus having raised ten thousand pound , he borrows twelve thousand pound more upon part of the new purchase , and the Knight is contented to take the t'other ten thousand pound in full of the purchase , at two six months , and only takes my Masters Bond : this was lately settled and agreed upon , and all Writings made , and I doubt the Knight will come short of his money ; for my Master hath so many Statutes which the Knight never dreams of , having still given them without taking Defeazances , that I believe he will be cut off from his Debt , and so must the Vsurer that lent my Master the twelve thousand pound upon a mortgage of part of his new Lordship ; for my Master being resolved to make this a piece of wit , and to do his utmost to cheat them all , did the next day after the Purchase was made , and Writings sealed , caused us to sit up all Night , and make an absolute Bargain and Sale of all that his new Purchase to two Friends in trust , for the use of his Children , so that the Vsurer who lent his twelve thousand pounds , had not his Writings of Assignments sealed till a week or ten days after , and when the time comes for payment , he may be chous'd and defeated of all , and my master being master of an Estate of two thousand pounds per annum , may live and laugh at them all for their crudelity ; for he hath so ordered it , that the Law cannot touch the Estate , it may only reach his Person , and as for that , we know it is but a Kings-Bench matter , and there he may live all his life time , and spend like a Lord , and when he dies , his Debts are paid , and his Estate goes to his children . But if he hath success for two or three more such businesses as this last , he need not do so , but leave the Cheat to the last cast , and grow infinitely rich , as I question not but he will. Thus said our Scrivener , have I given you an account of my masters way to get money , and I have not been without mine : he would many times permit me to Cheat a little , because I assisted him , and was privy to his concerns . I have one way that brings me in twenty or thirty pounds per annum ; for all Deeds of Bargain and Sale are to be Enrolled in six moneths after the date , either in Chancery , if it be Land or Houses out of London ; or in Guild-Hall , if within London , or the Liberties thereof ; and I was once forced to trot to Chancery-lane four or five times for one Deed , before I could get it done , and when it was done , all that was to be seen on the Deed ▪ was , Inrolled such a Day and Year in Chancery , per m● , such a one . I seeing that , learned to write the Hand they use in Endorsing , and for the future only writ it my self on the backside to shew our Clients , and that was sufficient ; for not one in a thousand is search'd for , and this is only done in case the Deed be lost , so that now I have got the trick on 't to write on the backside my self , and put that money the Register should have , into my own Pocket , and that is a pretty quantity , for an indifferent Deed comes to twenty shillings at so much per Roll. Forty other ways have I to get moneys , and indeed , I need not invent ways , for our Trade is so great for Procuration and Continuation , and such like , that I get money enough , more than I can well tell how to spend . I will now conclude , only tell you a Story or two , how I have initiated my self in this Art of Knavery , for my time being suddenly to expire , I thought it necessary to try some expedients , how I might live hereafter , when I came to be for my self ; and knowing that my master could not do any thing at first , without a Confederate , ( some body to help and assist him ) I procured the like : We had many indigent persons came to borrow money , some Gentlemen , others decayed and decaying Citizens , amongst the rest a master of a Ship , who had made so many broken Voyages , that he could make no more , for he had wearied all his Friends with holding parts of Ships with him to their great loss ; but he holding to the Proverb , That a Sea-man is never broken till his neck is broken , was resolved to try his Fortune one bout more , and had now with the help of Friends made a shift to buy an old Barque of near a hundred Tun , in which he was minded to go to Sea , partly as a man of War , and withall , to bring prohibited Goods from France . This man was an earnest Suiter to borrow an hundred pounds upon Bottomry , or any ways , to victual and fit his Ship ; I finding him ingenious , after some conference with him , and he being willing for any undertaking , we concluded to go half snips in the Voyage , and I would furnish him with moneys to his content : I soon perswaded an easie Friend of mine who had more money than wit , to lend our Captain an hundred pounds , promising him great profit , and indeed he was to have fifty in the hundred for that Voyage , which was to be finished in two months , and I told him he might ensure his money at the Ensurance Office , which he did accordingly . Our Captain being furnished with a hundred pound of the Usurer , I made bold with a hundred pound more of my masters , which could not soon be missed out of the Cash , and with this the Ship was so bravely fitted and provided with all Necessaries , that he was offered Fraights enough . At last he concluded with one to bring over some rich Goods , and the times being dangerous at Sea , by reason of men of War at Sea , he ensured five hundred pounds upon the Ship. The Ensurers knowing this , and that the man who had Ensured was a substantial Merchant , mistrusted nothing ; but likewise ensured five hundred pounds more to the Captain , because he had laid out much in fitting the Ship , and did it as he pretended for satisfaction of the Owners . All things being thus fitted , our Captain leaving his Policy or Deed of Ensurance with me , put out to Sea , arrived at his Port , received the Goods on Board , but having a parcel of trusty Blades with him , and some who had shares in the purchase , he puts the best part of the Merchandize on Board of a small Barque he had hired for that purpose , and that being sent ashore to another Port , he soon after ran his Ship ashore in such a place as he was not likely to come off , and there ●he perished , he and his companions getting on shore with some small matter of Goods in the Long-boat : He being arrived on shore , soon writ to me how he had sped , and I being acquainted very well with the Ensurers , perswaded them to pay me the money he had ensured first , upon some small rebate ; and he on the other side selling the Merchandize on shore , put it into other commodities and sent them home , and himself came home as a distressed Passenger , and here the Ensurers paid for all : Such bouts as these they sometimes met with , and that ●o often , that now adays when a Merchant hath ensured , he had need to ensure on the Ensurers , and some have done so . When our Captain came home , we privately met and shared our profit , and by this I gained two hundred pounds for my share , and this was a good beginning ; and though I hazarded to Sea , yet there was le●s hazard than my Master underwent in his first attempt in Counterfeiting a Companies Seal ; for should he have been discovered , sorrow would have been his sops . I have now and then had five or ten pound given me at a time for altering a Will , and putting in more as a Legacy to one than the Testator intended , and this I would venture on without much hazard , if the Testator were sick to Death . My Master once made a Will , and instead of another , made himself Executor , and I and one more of the Confederacy were witnesses to it , by this means he gained near three hundred pound . I have oftentimes had a Piece or two given me to make Writings in favour of one more than another ; for in a Lease , if Rent reserved be 100 l. per annum , and there be no Covenant for payment of the Rent , when either of the parties die , if any Rent be behind due to the Lessee , it cannot be recovered by the Executors , Administrators , and Assigns ; and it hath been usual in all ancient Leases , to leave that Covenant out as needless , but now people are grown wiser by Experience . In Arbitration between parties , there is much cunning and knavery to be used , in drawing up an Award or final End ; for the Scrivener , if he be a Friend to , or favour either of the Parties , shall do it so as that it shall be void , or not authentick , or not obliging to one of the parties , and yet the Arbitrators who are commonly honest harmless men , think they have done their business , when as they have only made work for Lawyers . In Counter-Bonds there may be much partiality used as also in Letters of Attorney , only putting in his use , for my use , entitles the Attorney to receive all to his own use without any account ; and such a thing as this is often slipt over , or not understood , and many a good Piece and half-piece comes into our Pockets in a year for these actions . It was like to go very hard with one of my Master● acquaintance not long since , for he being skilled in counterfeiting of Hands , did very Artificially counterfeit a Citizens hand ( with whom he had some small dealing ) to a Bond of 400 l. to pay 200 l. with Interest at a day , and when the time came he asked him before some company to pay him that money that he then owed him : Yes , said the Citizen , I shall do it next week , meaning a small summe which he did directly owe him , and did then pay him , but the other then telling him of his Bond of 400 l. and the Citizen directly denying of it , a Suit was commenced , and the Tryal was had at the Kings-Bench Bar in Westminster-Hall , where the Innocent Citizen ( seeing the confidence of the Witnesses , and indeed his own hand , as he supposed , to the Bond , which he could not deny , but it was so , or very like ) and having nothing to say , in a passion cryed out in open Court , to desire God to revenge his Cause , for he was utterly and absolutely wronged . This being so solemnly protested , made not only the Judge , but the Jury a little more inquisitive into the matter than ordinary , and called for some papers to compare the hand with other of his hand-writing , but no difference could be found therein . The Bond thus passing about to every one of the Jury , one of them viewing the Bond more narrowly than ordinary , craved leave of the Judge to be discharged of his place as a Jury-man , and to be admitted and sworn as a Witness ; for my Lord , said he , I can say somewhat to the matter . This his request was assented to , and he being sworn , began in this manner , My Lord , this Bond here in Court is pretended to be made , sealed , and delivered nine months since , when , my Lord , this Paper whereon it is written , hath not been in England above four months . How do you know that ? said my Lord. The Jury-man replyed , My Lord , I am a Stationer or Paper-seller , and to all Paper there are several Marks , whereby we know and distinguish them ; As Pot , Piller , Crown , Cardinals-Armes , &c. And my Lord , this being such a sort of Paper , was made by a young Man in France , whose mark is here , and none of it came over till within these four Months . At this the Judge was satisfied , all people wondred , the Defendant rejoyced , and the Plaintiff with his Swearers , were forced to sneak out of the Court , and could not be presently heard of . I once was called to make a Will , and the party lying speechless , another there present dictated to me , telling me , that the Sick-man he was sure would consent to what he said , which I believing , proceeded and finished the Will , but when I came to have him sign it , I saw that he was dead : well , said the party that dictated , if you will be ruled by me , this Will shall stand , and yet no body forswear themselves , and said he to me , you shall have a good reward for your consent ; whereupon , saith he , read the Will , so I did : well , saith he , you see the party doth not at all contradict what is here written , and now he shall set his Hand and Seal thereto , which he did by guiding the dead mans hand : now , saith he , if you be questioned , you may safely swear that you read the Will to him , and he consented , or at leastwise did not contradict , and that you saw him with his own hand , Sign , Seal , and deliver the same . Well Sir , said I , if you are content , I am , and thereupon he gave me the promised reward , I subscribed as Witness , and left him , who soon after by vertue of this Will , possessed himself of the Estate . I had seen this trick of putting a Dead mans hand to Writings , done two or three times before , and so this was no new thing , and would not contradict any thing that was to turn to my profit . I could tell you thousands of these Cheats , and indeed , as one said , there is more mischief done with a dash of the Pen , than with any thing else in the way of Knavery and Cheating . Thus did our Scrivener conclude his Discourse , and we calling for another Pint of Wine and a Faggot , drank and warmed our selves , and so for that time parted . CHAP. XXII . The Booksellers Prentice gives an account of his Masters first Tricks in Cheating , by Printing Books that were other mens Copies . AFter this Conference with the Scrivener , I went home , and as he told me , my ●aying to my Master , that I had been with him , was sufficient , so I found it ; for I was asked no more questions , but went to Bed , and there did I recollect to my self , all that he had that evening told me : and though I could not perfectly remember the several terms of Art he used , as Judgment , Execution , Scire facias , Statute , Procuration , and Continuation , &c. Yet I was sensible of their meaning , and did very much wonder , how any man could sleep being guilty of so many Crimes as he and his Master were ; yet I found that they slept the better , or at leastwise fared the better by reason of their great wealth ; and then did I compare my forepast life to what I had heard of them , and it was not worth mentioning ; so that from that time , I had a more charitable opinion for my self than formerly , and since I had so good success with my Scrivener , I was resolved to be a little more intimate with the rest of the Society , especially the Bookseller , that I might know how he gained his Money , and the next day I had my desire , for meeting him abroad , we went to an Ale-house , and there did I discover my yesterdays actions with the Scrivener , and thereby induced him to make me this following Discourse . Truly Brother , ( for so we called one another ) you have told me wonders , though so admirable , that I could not have thought so much crafty knavery could have been committed by any man breathing , though I did believe that there was more than I understood , having always heard that it was a dangerous thing to squeeze Wax , and that Scriveners in general were cunning fellows , but that any man out of nothing should by tricks and subtile contrivances , gain to himself so great an Estate , and yet not run into the compass of the Law , but now I see the Proverbs verified , Nothing venture , nothing have , and that a blot is no blot till it be hit , and give a man luck and throw him into the Sea. And although I have thought my Master a man cunning and crafty enough , and did believe that he who deals in Books could not be out-witted , yet I see that a piece of Parchment with a Seal to it , is better than a great many Books , nay , then a whole Impression ▪ but that I may give you some satisfaction in what you desire , I shall proceed in my Discourse , and though I cannot tell you so many , nor so profitable contrivances as you have related to me , yet those of our calling deserve not to go much behind , and we do our utmost good will to cheat , though it turns not to so good an account . My Master when I came to Prentice , had but a small stock of Books , and those were all in his Shop , with which , together with some Paper , Parchment , Pens , and such like Stationers ware , he made a shift to pick up an indifferent livelihood ; but he being of a reaching brain , and seeing there were very rich people , such as gained great Estates , and lived bravely of the same Trade , he made it his business to enquire into their way : the most sorts of Books that we sold were Testaments , Psalters , Grammers , Accidences , and such Books as we call Priviledged ware , and indeed were Printed for the Company in general , and to be had of some of the Stock-keepers , or Masters of the Company , or at the Hall , and though our profit in selling these sorts of Books was but small , as not above two pence in the shilling , yet it was a certaine commodity , and the sale sure ; whereas other Books , either of Divinity , History , &c. were not so certain , though more profitable , as commonly bringing four pence in the shilling profit , and thus did we continue buying Books of other Booksellers , as we were asked for them , and had occasion ; my Master commonly keeping to one man , because he could there be trusted and furnished with any Book he wanted , it fortuned that a new Book being Printed , a small thing of about four or five sheets of paper ; it sold so well , that my Master went often for them to his wonted place ; one time they had none of them left , but desiring my Master to stay , they would send for some , which my Master did , but the Messenger came back without any , and brought word that he should not have any more of them upon account or exchange , for he now held them at ready Money , and that he must have , or he would part from none ; well then , said my Master , I will go thither and buy some my self , no , said the Master of the Shop , you shall not need , I 'le send for some this once with ready Money , and you shall have them cheaper of me , then of him , and so h● did , and he received them , and told me , that if he wanted any more , he could be very well furnished with them within three or four days , and the other had been better not to have served him so ; but the Book selling very well , all my Masters were gone that night , and I went my self to the Bookseller who Printed them for some , the which I had ; but the next day I went again , he had none , and told me , that I could not have any in a weeks time . I acquainted my Master herewith , who being called upon for some of them , went to his old place to see if they had any , they told him they had none at present , but to morrow he might have what number he pleased ; accordingly the next day I went , and brought fifty of them with me ; and then my Master ( beginning to suspect that which he afterwards found out ) sent me to the Booksellers who Printed them , and he had none , wherefore he then concluded , that the Bookseller with whom he was wont to deal , had Printed them , though they were none of his Copy , at which he wondred ; for the greater sort of Booksellers did use to inform us , that it was a most heinous and unlawful thing to Print another mans Copy , so that I think , this was the first time that my Master discovered this Mystery , for the Book continuing to sell , we sold in our Shop above five hundred of them ; so that my Master beginning to consider with himself , reckoned that he had paid to his Dealer above five pounds for these Pamplets , and yet got very well by them too : wherefore , not long after coming into the company of a Printer , he asked what it would cost to Print 2000 of a Book of five sheets of Paper , the Printer replyed , 10 pound : by this my Master guessed that his Dealer had gained half in half by him , for he had paid for 500 half what 2000 would cost . My Master holding some fu●ther discourse with this Printer over a Pot of Ale , he told him , that he did work for such a man , nameing the Bookseller with whom my Master dealt , and ●ai●h he , I lately did two sheets for him of a Book he gained well by , for I Printed 5000 for my share ; so that at length , after conference together , they concluded , it was the same Book my Master sold so many of , and that he had Printed it in three or four places for expedition , and that he could not gain less than 30 l. by Printing it : I but says my Master , how will he do to answer it to the other man whose Copy it was ? For that , said the Printer , he will do well eenough , for the other is but a young man , and light upon his Copy by chance ; and though the Law forbids such doings , as the Printing one anothers Copies , yet the great ones , commonly devour and eat up the little ones , and will venture on it being but a small thing ; and it may be this young man is indebted to the other : and indeed it is a usual thing , and we do such Jobs very frequently , especially for the Grand ones of the Company . But how comes it , said my Master , that some or other do not Print their Copies , as Testaments , Psalters , &c. As for that , said the Printer , it is very dangerous , for if they were taken , it belonging to the whole Company , they would be sure to seize on it , and Sue the party so offending ; besides , the Books are too big for every one to venture on , and will lie too long in hand a doing ; but sometimes such things are done , but in another way , as I can tell . Thus ended my Master and the Printer their Discourse of this matter , and my Master desired the Printer to call on him sometimes , and he would drink with him , and it may be have some employment for him , and thus they parted . My Master now understanding thus much of his Trade , more than formerly , was resolved it should not be long ere he were doing somewhat : thus pondering in his mind , he could not tell what design to begin with , for we sold little but Priviledged Ware , and those it was dangerous medling with , neither would my Masters Stock reach to any thing considerable ; at last resolving to play at small game rather than stand out , he bethought himself , and resolved to Print the A B C , a little Childs book of a sheet of paper : he knew not then what Printer to intrust , for he durst not make use of the former Printer , lest he should acquaint his Dealer ; but it was not long ere he light upon one fit for his purpose , and to work he went , my Master sending in Paper , and so they were Printed , delivered , and paid for , but when my Master had them , he knew not how to dispose of them , lest he should be caught ; but that he might have the better pretence , he went and bought 300 of them of his Dealer , and so laying them by , sold his own , and being acquainted with a Primer-binder , he got him to exchange with him for Primers , and such like small books , he was rid of most of them to his great profit , for he gained , as I have heard him say , above five pounds by that job , which was a great deal of Money , and by this means his Shop was better furnished with small books and paper , and now he had good credit with the Paper-Merchant , which before he could not have . Not long after , the Printer who Printed the A B C , came to him and acquainted him , that if he would venture a matter of ten pounds , he might be concerned in printing of a book that would turn to a very good account , and it may be get twenty pound by the bargain : he having had such good suc●ess in the last , ventures upon this : it was a Ser●on that then sold very well , and he had another partner , and my Master having some money by him , and ●re●ty good credit at the Paper-Merchants , he found paper , and the other paid for printing , and at two places it was done in a week ; my Master putting them ou● in London to the Mercuries and others at on●●enn● a peice less than the ordinary rate , and his par●●●● dealing with Country-Chapmen , sent good store awa● into the Country , and thus , though this was a●other mans Coppy , they sold all their books in a sh●rt time , and gained 25 l. a pei●e . This was a goo●●eginn●ng , said I to the Bookseller , and I did not thin● 〈◊〉 trade had been so profitable ▪ but now I belie●●●hat these courses being prosecuted ; a considera●●●●state may be gained in a short time : that you shall soon hear , replied he : but the discourse being som●●hat long , I shall for the present end , and prosecute the rest in the following Chapter . CHAP. XXIII . He proceeds in the Discovery of his Masters ways in cheating , in preferring some Copies , and other ways of getting Copies . MY Master having now had some experience in this way of Printing , was resolved to play above board , and get some Copy or Copies to Print , that he might own , which in short time he did , and glad was he to see his name in Print , supposing himself now to be somebody : but these things did him but little good , and sold but easily , he not having the way of preferring books , and sending them to some Country Chapmen , and the rest of the booksellers , who endeavour to crush any beginner ( and will not sell his books , unless they may have them at their own rate ) would not sell any of them for him ; and besides , now he gave Money for his Copies , the other costing him nothing : and though a book be never so good , they will not sell with some men , for the others will undervalue and spoil it : as for example , If my Master had Printed at that time the best book of Chirurgery , Husbandry , Cookery , or the like in the World , and though the book had been famous enough , so that every one desired it , and if asked at any booksellers shop for it , they would have said to their customers , Truly Sir , There is such a book , but in regard it is a foolli●h idle thing , and of no weight , I have not any of them , I will not trouble my shop with them ; but Sir , here is another of the same Subject , that is much better , and in great esteem with ingenious and knowing men : If the Customer replies be would have only that book and no other for that it was recommended to him for an ingenious well-writ piece , then will he reply , Truly Sir , I never heard any of your judgment before , till now I was never asked for them ; but sin●e you speak so well of it , I will procure you one : and then it may be , for all this Discourse , he will shew you one , as if left by chance , or else send to his Neighbour-bookseller for one . Thus will he disparage other mens books , and prize his own , and many times put off some of his own , the buyer being so civil as to believe him : and this is a general Maxime , That they will not offer , or prefer a book of any mans printing except their own , unless they have it either in exchange , or at a low rate ; and this is the cause that their is some books considerable , and good as any in England , that did not sell at first for little better than wast Paper , till some of the Grand ones of the Company get them all into their hands , and then they sell for three times the price they did . But to leave this Discourse and proceed , my Master having now printed two or three things , did look upon himself as some body ; and though he had not such good success in his last undertakings as before yet he made a shift to get what they cost him for paper and print , and had many of them still by him to sell when he would , or exchange ; but he having but two or three sorts of books , could not do much good upon that : he seeing this , & observing what books sold best , it being at the beginning of these late Wars , found that factious Sermons , and such like things would do the business ; he thereupon bestirs himself , and gets acquainied with most of the factious Priests about Town , by often hearing them and frequenting their Companies , and having learned to write short-hand , took notes of their Sermons , which he Collected together , and now and then he would get them to revise one of them , and print it ; by this means spending much time and mony amongst them , he grew very intimate , and was become the general publisher of most of their Sermons and Controversies . This was that which brought him great gain , in a short time he could vie with the best , what he sold not for mony , he exchanged for books : and now he could command any book in all the Company without mony , upon account , as is the Custome . His Shop being well furnished , he gets a Ware House , where he bestowed his books in quires ; and being thus furnished , he was first spoken to by some Country booksellers , and then writ to by them and others , for several books , so that any thing that he printed he could sell off well enongh ; for having good hap to print some very good selling books , they helped away the other that were not so good , and still were thrust into the parcel amongst the rest : and now having some good Authors , he would not accept of every one ; and as he formerly had fought for , and courted Authors to write books for him , now they ( knowing his way of preferring and selling of books ) followed , and courted him to print their books . If a stranger came with a Copy to him , though never so good , he had books enough already ; but however , if they would give him so much mony , he would do it , and they should have two or three , or six books for themselves and friends : many a one did he thus perswade out of their money , being desirous to be in Print . If he had a desire to have any thing writ in History , Poetry , or any other Science or Faculty , he had his several Authors , who for a glass of Wine , and now and then a meals Meat and half a Crown , were his humble servants ; having no other hire but that , and six or twelve of their books , which they presented to friends or persons of Quality ; nay , and when they have had success , if they wanted any more books , they must pay for them : further I have known some of our Trade , that when the poor Author hath written a book , and being acquainted with some Person or Persons of Quality whereto he Dedicates and presents it , the Book-seller will go snips and have half shares of what is so given him . M● Master being now gotten to the height of his Trade , was soon called to be one of the Livery of his Company , which though it be somewhat chargeable at first , yet it soon brings in profit , there being many conveniencies therein : for they have Liberty to put a sum of money into the publick Stock , and so great is their profit , that they have seldom less than twenty per cent , and then , when they come to be Stock-keeper or Warden , they have the disposing of the Stock-books , such as are Testaments , Psalters , &c. and putting them out to print , they often print so many over numbers , that shall serve them as long as they live . In particular , there is no Trade that I ever heard of , that gets so much by their Commodity ; for whatever we print , if it sells , we get eight pence in the shilling : and for those that deal with Country Chapmen , they put off the bad well enough at one time or at another ; and if they are very bad , then a new Title is printed as if it were a new book ; and what with this and changing , they march off in time . There was one Preacher in London that my Master was much respective to , for he had gained much money by Printing several of his Books ( and though my Master in outward appearance seems a Saint , yet he hath his freaks , and will be merry with his friends , and be prophane enough . ) One Sunday my Master having been rambling in the fields , entred the City in the Afternoon just as Sermon was done , and seeing this Parson going before him , he stept forwards , and overtaking him , salutes him thus , Sir , I am glad to see you so well , indeed Sir you have this day taken a great deal of pains , and we are all beholding to you for your Soul-saving Sermon : how say you , said the Parson , what do you mean ? Why Sir , I thank you for your Sermon you Preached this Afternoon : Nay , now Sir , said the Parson , I see you are mistaken , for I have not Preached this day , my Master hearing this , was wonderfully surprized , not knowing what to say , but left the Parson , and came home discontented at his Error . We have several Country-Chapmen , some whereof owed my Master considerable sums of mony , he took occasion to go into the Country , and to be sure , he would make it worth his Journey , for at every considerable Town he would buy some books , and sell them at the next , or send them up to London , and sometimes whole Libraries ; and he did take order with all his Chapmen , to acquaint him with all Libraries or parcels of books that were to be sold , which if worth the buying , he would have . He would also frequent the Schools , and by drinking with the School-masters , and discoursing of books and learned men , he would get their custome to serve them with School books . There was one famous Country-Parson , whom he much desired to be acquainted with , and to him he came , telling him he was troubled in mind , and desired him to satisfie him in a case of Conscience , the which he did ; and then for his satisfaction and to oblige him , he prayed and courted him to see him when he came to London , the which he did , and all this was to get the Printing of his books . If a Customer comes into our Shop to buy a book , he hath such ways of preferring and recommending of it , that they seldom go and not buy , for he will open the book , and if it be Divinity , shew them one place or another , out of which he will preach to them , and tell them , that very saying or discourse is worth all the money in the world , and if they do not like it when they have read it over , he will take it again : and so many of our Trade will promise , but you shall hardly ever get your money again ; you may by chance get them to exchange it for some other book , which they will the more readily do , if there be money stirring in the case . My Master having had a book written for him by a Poet , the Author ( not having the wit to make his bargain , and know what he should have before hand ) when he had finished it , desired payment for his pains : Nay , said my Master , you ought rather to pay me for Printing of it , and making you famous in Print . Well then , said the Author , if you will not give me money , I hope you will give me some books . How , said my Master , give you books , what will you have me forswear my Trade , and be a book-giver ? I am a book-seller , and to you I will sell them as soon as to another , if you will give me money , paper and Print costs money , and this was all the Author could have for his pains . My Master is now one of the Grandees of the Company , and that besides the ordinary way gets him something . Not long since , he and others went a searching , and finding an Impression of unlicensed books , seized them , but instead of suppressing and turning them to wast paper , they divided the greatest part of them amongst themselves , and immediately my Master sent some of them away to all his Chapmen , and the rest we sold in the Shop . It so fell out lately , that a book being to be Printed , my Master repaired to the Author to get the Copy , but another of the same Trade had been there before , to whom it was in part promised ; but however , ( out of respect to my Master ) the other being sent for , it was agreed that they should have the Printing of it between them , whereupon one Printer was employed by them both to do the work . My Master soon after sent for the Printer , and tells him , You must do me a kindness : Yes Sir , said the Printer . It is this , said my Master , I am to give away to the Author some books , wherefore I would have you to Print 200 for me above the number , and do not tell my Partner , and I will pay you : Yes , said the Printer , and so he did , and was paid for them accordingly . But the Printer seeing the knavery of his Imployers , ( for the other had been with him , and engaged him to Print the same number of 200 over , pretending some private use he had for them ) he likewise Printed 400 over for his own use , and publickly sold them ; and neither of them could or would complain of him to the other , because they knew themselves guilty of the same crime . One of the greatest pieces of profit the whole Company hath , is the Printing of Almanacks , for by that , I believe they clear above 1000 l. per annum : but a knavish Printer lately outwitted them , for he Printed a great number of Almanacks , and though he Printed but two sorts , yet they served for all the other sorts , only altering the Title page at the beginning , and the last sheet which we call the Prog , or Prognostication ; and these Almanacks he affording cheaper than ordinary , as indeed well he might , he sold off a good number of them , which was to his gain , and their great hindrance ; but he is lately discovered , and how they will deal with him I know not . In the late times of Liberty , when every one Printed what they pleased , if one Bookseller Printed a book that sold , another would get it Printed in a lesser Character , and so the Book being less in bulk , though the same in matter , would sell it for a great deal less price , and so undersel one another : and of late there hath been hardly a good book , but it is Epitomized , and for the most part spoiled , only for a little gain : so that few books that are good , are now printed , only Collections and patch●s out of several Books ; and Booksellers employing the meaner sort of Authors in spoiling anothers Copies by such Epitomies . A young man being lately to set up , was a suiter to my Master to speak to the Company to lend him 5 l. for a certain time without interest , as is customary : for there are several sums of money left the Company so to be disposed of , for the benefit of young beginners . My Master knowing his power in general , particularly promised to effect his disires , provided that the young man would agree to lay out his money when received with him : telling him , he would use him well therein : but whether he did or no , you may guess , for he kept not open shop above six months before he broke , and is now gone ●or a Souldier , and the Company in general likely to loose the Money . This replied , I , is one of the worst acts I have heard of , if it were intentionally done , for it is an abuse of the Donors will ; but I see it not material with some men , if they get money , how they come by it : but I pray , let me hear the rest of your Story . That you shall , said the Bookseller , but first let us drink ; which he having done , and I pledged , he proceeded , as you may hear in this following Chapter . CHAP. XXIV . The Book-sellers Prentice having discovered his Masters way of Cheating , now discovers his own . THus said the Bookseller , have I given you a summary account of the most part of my Masters dealing , and the main way how he gained his Estate ; for at this time he hath a Shop very well furnished with all sorts of bound Books , and two or three Ware-houses full of Books in Quires : he hath above 1000 l. owing him by Country-Chapmen ; some Estate he hath in Land and Houses , and a very good Stock in the Hall , and all this is acquired in six years time out of nothing ; and in this account of my Masters dealing , I have acquainted you with the greatest mysteries of our Trade : but , said I to him , I must confess you have told me those things I was not only ignorant of , but what I could not have believed could have been done , and so great an Estate could have been gained by the Bookselling Trade , especially from so small a beginning as an A B C : but all this while the mystery is not disclosed ; for though you have told me how your Master gets money , yet I hear nothing of your gains , neither indeed can I as yet conjecture how you should be furnished with money ; for I suppose you keep an account of what you receive and pay , and that your Master takes care to look into his accounts , that no great matter can be gained that way . 'T is very true , replied the Bookseller , he does so ; and as he is of a false knavish temper himself , so he is suspitious of me , and very vigilant and watchful over me : but do you think , that I who have observed all his ways and crafty dealing , cannot find a way to be even with him , and put money into my own pocket ? and indeed he does allow of my knavery and craftiness in over-reaching of others ; for he in general is accounted the fittest servant of our Trade , that can out-wit and over-reach his brother bookseller ; for it is not so much our keeping Shop , and selling a few Books to Schollars , Parsons , Gentlemen , nor sending to Country-Chapmen , for in that we use a constant price , and there is not much wit or craft to be used therein ; but the craftiest part of our pofession consistest in making an Exchange note with other Booksellers to the best advantage ; and there is our greatest prize : for if any of our Chapmen send to us for Books , such as we do not print , and such as we are not at present furnished withal , then away we go to that Bookseller who is best furnished with them , and desire him to make a Note with him , which he ( being desirous to sort himself with some of our Books ) willingly consents to ; then do we commonly pretend least use for those Books we most want , otherwise we should be sure to go without them , unless we took many of other sorts , that were little better then wast paper ; and so we , by telling our brother Bookseller that of such a Book they are almost gone , and the like , we put off the greatest number of our worst Books , and the fewest of our best ; and being indifferent of taking any quantity of those we most need , we commonly have most put upon us ; and so are furnished with what we desire : and in this way of exchanging Books for Books , we have the most occasion of exercising our wits , and many times receive commendations from our Masters for so doing ; and when we meet with one another , the busine●s being over , triumph over those we have thus out-witted . This business of Exchanging brings us Prentices acquainted with each other more then any thing else , for that this matter is commonly left to our management ; and on this acquaintance depends the greatest part of our profit : for though we can sometimes when we take money in the Shop put up half a Crown or a Crown for a Book that our Master knows not of , yet that is but seldome , and little Money is given us , unless it be by the better sort of Customers , whose books we carry home , and then perhaps we may have a shilling or two bestowed on us ; but this is nothing in respect of our other profit , which I shall now tell you of . We trading for a great deal to Chapmen into the Country , do Print much , and sometimes one Book is printed very often , and a number of 25 or 50 cannot be so discovered : sometimes we are in fee with the Printer , procure him to print such a number over for us ; which he consents to , that he may do as many for himself : and then for the manner of our selling of them , it is by Combination , Con●ederacy , and Correspondency , which some of us Apprentices have with each other ; ●or we have our Warehouse as well as our Master , and are furnished with much variety ; every one of the Combination bringing some quantity to this joynt Stock , of what his Master printeth ; and then as occasion serveth , we furnish each other : but the chiefest way of making money of these , is by three or four young Booksellers , who being newly set up , do buy them of us , it may be two pence in the shilling cheaper then they can buy them of our Masters : we have ready Money , or at furthest when they have sold them ; and to this end we have commonly one of these Booksellers in every considerable place of Trading about Town , and sometimes we employ a rambling-Bookseller to go a Birding , and offer them at places , and oftentimes our Masters buy some of their own Books of this Ubiquitarian-Bookseller ; and one or two being intrusted with management of the Stock gives account to all the rest ; and so we divide the profit : at other times we being employed by our Masters to get in Books for our Country Chapmen , we inform them that the Book being out of print , we cannot have it without ready money , and then we being ordered to get them , ( for our Customers must be served ) we have them out of our own Stock , and put the ready money into our Pockets . Sometimes I have gotten fourty or fifty shillings by being partners with one of the young Booksellers in Printing a Pamphlet ; and if it be an unlicensed thing , we sell them privately to Customers in the Shop ; if a factious thing , we have our factious Customers ; if obscene or wanton , we accordingly are provided with those that buy them : and thus with these ways , and some others , which are too long to relate at this time , I can make a shift to spend fourty or fifty pound a year , to keep my suit of private Cloaths , and to allow my Wench eight shillings a week , to whom I constantly pay that Portion ; and I think my share of the Stock at present may amount to fourty pound . And thus you see , that though so many thousands go through the Scriveners hands , and so few through mine , yet I can make a shift to get some Money out of our Paper , as well as he out of his Parchment ; and I doubt not , but when I come out of my time , to do as well as the best of our Trade ; for having learnt so much in this Art , I question not but I shall put it in Practice to my advantage . Thus did he put an end to his Discourse ; and drinking a Pot or two more of Beer , having had some other merry discourse about the Scriveners Wench , and such like other matters , we parted ; he , to go meet with some of his brother Booksellers , to take account of their private Stock ; and I , to my Masters about my ordinary Imployments , still ruminating in my mind of all the passages that these two Blades the Scrivener and Bookseller had related to me ; and from thence did conclude , that I should find all the rest of our Clubbing-Brethren stored with the same Discourses ; and now I meditated on nothing more then how I might get money enough , for that was the only thing that made crooked things straight ; and if a man have enough of that , he may defie all men . It can make knees bow , and tongues speak against the native genius of the groaning heart ; it supples more then oyl or fomentations , and can stiffen beyond the Summers Sun , or the Winters white-bearded cold . In this we differ from the ancient Heathen ; they made Iupiter their chief God , and we have crowned Pluto . He is Master of the Muses , and can buy their Voice ; the Graces wait on him , Mercury is his Messenger , Mars comes to him for pay , Venus is his prostitute ; he can make Vesta break her vow , he can have Bacchus be merry with him , and Ceres feast him when he lists ; he is the sick-mans Aesculapius , and the Pallas of an empty brain ; nor can Cupid cause Love , but by his Golden-headed Arrow . Money is a general man , and without doubt excellently parted : Petronius describes his Qualities . Quisquis habet nummos , secura naviget aura : Fortunamque suo temperet arbitrio . Vxorem ducat Danaen , ipsumque licebit Acrisium jubeat credere quod Danaen : Carmina componat , declamat , concrepat , omnes Et peragat Causas , fitque Catone prior . Iurisconsultus , paret , non paret : habeto ; Atque esto , quicquid Servius aut Labeo Multo loquar : quidvis nummis praesentibus opta , Et veni●t : clausum possidet Arca Iovem . The Mon●ed-man can safely sayl all Seas , And make his fortune as himself shall please : He can wed Danae , and command that now Acrisius self that fatal Match allow : He can declame , chide , censure , Verses write , And do all things better then Cato might . He knows the Law , and rules it , hath and is Whole Servius , and what Labeo could possess . In brief , let rich men wish whatsoere they Love , 'T wil come , they in a lock'd Chest keep a Jove . And to conclude , as it commands Gods and Goddesses , so all sorts of men and women are obedient to him that has the command of this God Money ; and therefore I was resolved to put in for a share of it . CHAP. XXV . The Relater with the Scrivener and Bookseller and their Wenches , being merry in a Tavern , fall out with other Company , and are sent by an Alderman to the Counter . The Relater in revenge , cheats the Alderman of his Scarlet Gown , which is converted into Peticoats for the three Wenches . I Having thus gained an intimate acquaintance with all these my Brother-Clubbers , did set forth my own good parts ; and they having been open with me in the discovery of their manner of living , and how they furnished themselves with money even to super●luity , I was as free to them in relating many actions of my forepassed life ; by which means they found me the more fit for their Society : and I having passed through variety of conditions , as having been of several Trades , and informing them of several mysterious Cheats which I had performed in them , they all took a very great liking to me ; but there was none whom I so much affected as the Scrivener and Bookseller , because I ●ound them the best stored with money ; and I often accompanied them to their Wenches , where we had extraordinary Treatments , and such Company as exceeded all the rest ; for I had my Lass as well as they ; and though I paid nothing of the reckoning , yet my Wench was often as well provided for as theirs ; for I furnished her with Cloaths equal to any of them , and then the less money served their turn . We three being one night at a Tavern with our Wenches , where we passed a winters evening in their pleasing society , our spirits being raised with wine , and the harmony of Musick joyned to our Ladies voices , in which they all three were very excellent ; It happened that their harmony begot a desire in the people in the next Room to be attentive to our Musick : the Scrivener desiring his Lady to sing a particular new Song alone , she consented thereunto , and performed it very well , with good applause : one person in the next room , who had given attention thereto , and had lately been in company with the Singer , knowing her Voice , was resolved by one means or other to see and drink with her ; and thereupon leaving his Company , he came into our Room , and civilly asking leave , saluted the Ladies , and took acquaintance with the Scriveners Mistress : she being somewhat displeased thereat , in short time took occasion to tell her friend the Scrivener that she was much troubled at this accident , and desired his favourable interpretation of this action , for she assured him , she only knew this person as a retainer to the house where she lodged , he coming to another Lady there , and not to her ; and withal , she desired him , if he thought fit , to affront and chastise him for this his unmannerly intrusion . Her friend the Scrivener being thus informed by his Lady , called me and the Bookseller on one side , and acquainted us with the matter ; so that we suddenly resolved to rid our selves of this bold intruder : when we returned to the fire where we left our unwelcome guest and the women , we found him toying with them and a little more bold then they or we were willing to permit and allow of ; wherefore we gave him some angry words , which he being a bluff fellow retorted , and we striving to force him out of the Room , he singgle as he was set upon us all , to the great affrighment of the Women , who now beginning to squeak out , our noise occasioned the rest of our guests Companions who were in the next Room to come into ours , and there seeing their Friend set on by us three , which indeed being odds , they fell on us to his assistance : many blows were not enterchanged , before the Master of the house and others ( being called by the noise we made , and the clamours of the women ) entred the Room ; but all they could do , could not part us , so eager we were in defending , as we thought , the honour of our Ladies ; so that the Constable was sent for , and we all seized on ; but refusing to be obedient , he forthwith caused us to be conducted to the Justices , who was an Alderman that lived not far off ; we being brought before his Worship , being as yet hot as well with Wine as anger , could not agree in our story , nor the occasion of our quarrel ; but glad we were when we saw that our Ladies had slipt away , as indeed it was but time ( for had they gone with us , I doubt Bridewel would have been their Lodging , and they should have had rapping cheer . ) They having thus made their escapes who were the cause of our difference , and we every one contradicting each other in our Discourses , the Alderman made no more ado , but sent us all to the Counter , both Plaintiffs and Defendants : by such time as we were well setled in our Quarters , and had paid our Garnishes , we all considering the matter , and at length conversing with our Adversaries , put our quarrelsome business in a fair way to be ended ; for the occasion being a Whore , we all agreed upon one tale to tell the Alderman next morning ; when being brought before him , and he finding then no difference between us , supposing that it was only a drunken quarrel , was at length perswaded to release us ; but before we went , he forced us to pay our fees , and likewise some money to the Poor for being drunk : all which we made a shift to do , by borrowing of one another , and so we were discharged . Thus was this business overpassed : but though we made a shift to hide it from our Masters , pretending some of our wonted excu●es , yet the rest of the Brethren of the Club were accquainted with it , and we were soundly laught at , and our wenches applauded for their wit in making their timely escape , or else it would have fared worse with us as well as them , and our business must have come to our Masters ears . This disgrace did stick upon us a great while , for our Companions would often ask us , when we would go to visit Master Alderman again : wherefore I bethought my self of a trick how to be revenged of the Alderman , and thereby cause the Discourse to cease : I often going by the Aldermans house saw him standing at his door , and he had a common custome every afternoon to stand or sit there three or four hours together . I waiting my opportunity , went to the Alderman , and asked if his Maid-servant was within : which of them , said he , Nan or Suzan ? Suzan , quoth I : yes , said the Alderman , What is your business with her ? May it please your Worship , said I , I was sent hither to take measure of her for some new cloaths What ? then thou art a Taylor , said he ; I replied , yes , and so he sent me in . I being acquainted with the Maids name ( and seeing the Alderman engaged at the door still talking with another Person ) asked for Suzan : when she came to me , I told her , that her Master sent me in to her , and wished me to ask for his Skarlet Gown , to mend it against a Feasting-day then approaching : she knowing her Master was at the door and believing my story , went for it ( I in the mean time watching whether the Alderman still continued at the door ( for if I had seen him coming in , I would have my excuses and depart ) but as good luck would have it , the Maid came and gave me the Gown , and went about her other business : I wrapping it up under my cloak , went again to the door where Master Alderman was sitting , who asked me whether I had taken measure of his Maid ▪ ; I told him , yes : What already ? said he . Yes , and please your Wor●hip : then thou hast made haste , said he ; make her Cloaths handsome , she 's a good Wench , and make haste , with them too , and let me see that you work well , and thou mayst do some work for me , and in time thou ma●st have go●d of the Wench . I ( being troubled with Master Aldermans large discourse ) only replied ▪ I shall , if it please your Worship ; and so left him , and so went my way to the next Alehouse , where I applauded my self for my so happy contrivance , and safe deliverance from Master Aldermans impertinencies . After a little stay in this Alehouse , and night comi●g on , I being thus fraughted with this Cargo , sailed to the Tavern where we used to meet , and the Gown being wrapt up in a Cloth , I delivered to the Drawer to lay up , and went up into a Room , where calling for a saggot and pint of Wine . I had not staid long ere some of our Club came , and in short time all the rest ; we fell to merry-making , and in our jollity some of our Company nosed us with Master Alderman : well , said I , I suppose that jobb might cost us twenty shillings apiece , and though master Alderman might put the most part of it into his pocket ; yet how say you , if I can propound away how to be revenged on him ? My two Companions , the Scrivener and the Bookseller , told me , if I could do it , they would give me twenty shillings apiece ; a match , said I , I 'le be judg'd by the Company : and thereupon I tol● them the story , and how I had cheated Master Alderman of his Scarlet-Gown ; and to make good my wo●d , caused it to be brought up , and shew'd before them : very well pleased was the Scrivener and the Books●ller , and all the rest amazed at the boldn●ss o● my adventure , which was by all ●pplauded for a great piece of wit , and my money was by them accordingly paid me : then after a cup or two of Wine , consideration was had , what should be done with the Gown , and how it should be disposed of , for we all knew it was hazardous and dangerous to dispose of it as it was : so after many propositions & consultations , it was at length generally agreed on , that I should cut it in pieces , and out of Master Aldermans Gown I should make three Peticoats , which should be bestowed upon our three Madona 's ; and this adjudged very fit and equitable , that they have endured part of the brunt , should receive the whole prize : this I assented to ; and the Scrivener and Bookseller , in regard the Gown was mine , gave me each of them twenty shilling apiece more for their share of the cloth ; and also they between them furnisht me with a rich Gold and Silver Lace , to be put upon my Ladies Peticoat , equal and alike to that which was put on theirs : and this was an end o● the adventure with Master Alderman , of whom we never enquired how he and his maid Suzan agreed about the Gown . CHAP. XXVI . The Relater and several others of the Clubbing-Prentices assist the Drugster in putting off of some of his Commodities ; he gives them gratuities , and relates a notable Cheat by his Master put upon an Iron-monger . IN this manner did we spend our time ; and though our Masters gained more money , and dayly increased their Estates , yet we enjoyed the greater pleasure in each others society : and now we being all acquainted with one anothers ways , assisted each other in all things , and there was no want for our selves or Wenches , who were often at our meetings , and assisted in our mirth . I remember one evening , a young man , a Drugster , who was one of our Club , told us that we must all of us assist him in a matter he was about , and he should not only gain a good opinion of his Master , but we should have a Piece or two to spend ; we hearing there was convenience and profit , agreed together , soon consented to do our utmost , and therefore desired him to acquaint us with the matter : he thereupon told us , that his Master had lately bought a parcel of Drugs of two or three sorts , which did cost him about 1000 l. in hopes of great gain , for they were at double the price that he would afford his at ; but they being too much for one mans sale , he offered to sell good part of them to some of our Trade : but they refused to buy , unless they might have them cheaper then he was willing to afford them , pretending that they had no need of that Commodity , being sufficiently furnished with the same ; although we were very certain that they could have none of it , there being none to be had in all London , till of late my Master bought this parcel that came from beyond Sea : Now my Master being desirous to sell his Commodity , hath considered of a way how to make his Brother-Drugsters come to him , and pray him to sell it to them at his price ; that way is thus : He hath desired me to get some of my acquaintance to go to most of the Drugsters in and about London , and pretending to be Apothecaries and others that need those Commodities , to enquire for them , and bespeak quantities thereof ; and then he knows , that not being able of themselves to furnish them , they will repair to him , and give him his price . Oh! said the Bookseller , have you learned that trick ? I am very well acquainted with this manner of trade , for we commonly use this slight to sell our Books : for when we have printed a Book that we doubt will not sell without preferring , and more ado than ordinary , then we not only Title it upon Posts , put it into News-books , and use several other ways to make it Famous ; but we sometimes send several of our acquaintance and friends to most Booksellers shops to inquire for this new book ; and they coming so one after another , at length Master Bookseller is perswaded to buy some of them ; nay sometimes , the more to encourage the Booksellers to buy some quantities , we allow our friends to lay out some moneys with them , and buy several of them ; and so the Bookseller will commonly , if he sell one or two , buy six or a dozen ; and by this means our moneys comes in again with very great profit . Well , reply'd the Drugster , this course must we take with these Drugs , or else they may prove a very Drug to my Master ; for he hath served some of our Trade so many tricks already , that they are very cautious how they deal with him ; but this trick of sending friends to ask for a Commodity he hath often used , neither did he learn it of the Bookseller : but there happened an extraordinary chance sometime since , and from that experience he hath taken this course . For there was a Person who used to make Syringes , which Chirurgions and others use to squirt withal in several Distempers ; and this man being out of imployment , made a great quantity of them , and laid them by him ; but not knowing how to dispose of them , he bethought him of this way of sending some friends to inquire for them : and so well did he mannage his business that by imploying persons to enquire of Drugsters and Apothecaries for them , he not only sold all he had made by him , but in less than a quarter of a year , he took above 200 l. for this Commodity : and this my Master took notice of , and I suppose made a president of , and now resolves upon the same course to put off his Drugs ; wherefore I desire your utmost assistance herein , and I shall when you please spend a Piece or two in a Collation . All our Club-fraternity agreed on this ▪ and promised to be active here : and thus resolving on our next time of meeting , we parted . I for my part , the next day accoutring my self in a Country Gentile-garb , went to several Drugsters , and asked for several Drugs , whose names I had gotten ; but amongst all ▪ I more earnestly desired a good quantity of those that were to be thus put off , telling them I was a Country Apothecary , and should call three or ●our days after again , and lay out a considerable sum of money with them . I having done this for my part , and the rest of our associates having been as diligent , we meeting three days after together , our Drugster told us that his Master had sold all his Commodities to very great profit ; and therefore , said he , This collation , and each of you a Crown more to buy Gloves , is my Masters charge , and he desires you to accept thereof ; which we accordingly did , being glad we had done so good service to him and his Master . I understanding by this , that there were tricks and cheats in this Trade as well as others , was desirous to be acquainted with the manner of their Trading ; and he being but a Novice , told me , he could not tell me much of it , but he was very sensible that there was much knavery in that Mystery , in mixing and sophisticating their Drugs , and getting the Spirits of some of them away , and renewing it in others , as served to their profit : and pursued he , I have one trick whereby my Master gets some Money in a year ; ●or it being customary to give a Pipe of Tobacco to any that comes into the Shop , and desires it , I give them of that which is very good ; and they liking thereof , and the price , commonly buy of the same , and sometimes a quantity , desiring still it may be of the same they have tasted ; the which I promise to do , and before their Eyes take it out of the same box : but the knack of it is this , it is for all that a different and worser sort of Tobacco ; for the Tobacco that I gave them as a taste , is only placed in one corner of the box for that purpose , and so it goes off , as if it were all the same ; and sometimes we put off , a whole Roll of Tobacco in the same manner : for the out side roll is of good Spanish right , but all in the inner-part is Mundungoes , not worth a great a Cart-load . But this is nothing to what way my Master hath ; and he lately exercised his wits to a pretty profitable account , and thus it was : My Master among other sort of Drugs , had bought a quantity of Dragons-bloud , being pieces of wood , dipped , as is supposed , or rather pretended , in Dragons-bloud ; and this is good Physick , and for other uses : this Commodity not proving very good , my Master had a great desire to put it off , but could not get any body to buy of it : he had been not only with Drugsters , but also with some Iron mongers to sell it , for they use it about their Locks , and other Iron work , to keep them from rust ; but no person was willing to deal with him about it . My Master had a Neigbour that was an Iron monger , whom he had a great desire to deal withal ; but he being a wary young man , and hearing that my Master was a snap , refused all dealing with him : and some words passed which displeased my Master , and therefore he resolved to be avenged ; and thereupon having designed his business , with the help of two Confederates , he thus puts it in execution . He gave a small quantity of this Dragons-blood to one of his Confederates , who having full instructions , went to the Iron-Mongers house , and seeing him standing at the door , asked him if he wanted not some of that commodity , shewing the same to him : No , said the Iron-monger . I was informed , said the man , that you sometimes deal in it , and was recommended by a friend to come to you ; and if you please to deal with me , I shall use you very kindly . To this the Iron-monger replyed , that he needed not any of it . But , said the other , I suppose you sell of it to others sometimes , and may therfore do me a courtesie , and your self too , for I have not a shop to sell it in , and am a stranger ; wherefore , if you please , I shall leave this parcel with you , and you putting it on your stall may happen on a Customer , which if you do , I can furnish you with more ; and thus you , without laying out any money , may get some profit . The Iron-monger hearing of this , and conceiving the man to be honest and harmless , consented to his desire , entertained the condition and the goods , and enquired further of the price ; the man telling him that he understood it was worth three shillings per pound , but he would willingly take two shillings eight pence , because he might have profit ; and telling him that he would call on him in a weeks time : and they at this time parted . And thus the Iron-monger having received the Commodity , put some of it out every day on his stall , till at length a man coming by , and seeing that to lie there , and the Master of the Shop at the door , asked him the price thereof ; the Iron-monger told him three shillings per pound . The Customer desired to look further into it , desiring to know how much he had of it : Truly said the Iron-monger , I cannot tell , but I suppose , if we agree , I can furnish you with a good quantity . Why , said the Customer , I will give you two shillings eight pence per pound for it , if you have 500 lib. of it . Well , said the Iron-monger , call here a day or two hence , and I will resolve you , and it is like we may deal together : Thus at present they parted . But he came again the next day , and the day following , pretending great earnestness to buy the Commodity : in the mean time the Iron-monger waited and watched narrowly to see and speak with the man that left it there , but could not meet with him , for he stayed away on purpose ; and this Customer that came to buy , was likewise the other of my Masters Confederates , and sent by him for that purpose . At length , the Iron-monger standing at his door , he saw the man that left the Dragons bloud passing by his door , and called to him , and then discoursed seriously with him about the matter , as , what would be his lowest price , and what quantity he had ? To both these Questions he answered , He would take two ●hillings six pence ; and the quantity he had was ●●0 lib. The Iron-monger hearing this , and resolvi●g ●ow to deal , told him that he thought it was to dea● ; but if he would take two shillings four pence , he thought he might buy all his quantity . To this the Seller reply'd , That it was too cheap ; but taking all , and paying him ready money , he would do it . The Iron-monger replyed , That ready money was two months : but , said he , If I deal , you shall have half down at the delivery , and the other half at three months : to this they both agreed . But the Iron-monger being cautious , would not at present fully conclude , referring the ending the Bargain to two days , in the mean time resolving to see if his Customer came that was to buy ; and then enquiring the name and habitation of the Seller , they parted . Long had not the Iron-monger waited , but his buying Customer came , and as earnestly as formerly desired to buy the Commodity ; the which now the Iron-monger agreed to sell at two shillings eight pence per pound , and to be paid at weighing : and that he might be sure of his Customer , he takes ten shillings in part of payment , and appoints two days thence to finish the bargain Thus did the Iron-monger reckon to gain 500 Groats , which is 8 l. 3 s. 4 d. Bes●des , he was resolved to have all ready money , and to pay but half ; but he reckoned without his Host , as I shall presently tell you : the Seller of the Dragons-blood coming the next day , finished his bargain , delivered his Commodity , received his money , and took a bill from the Iron-monger for the moyety of his money to be paid in three months . But now the Iron-monger had the Commodity , he might go look for a Customer ; for he that left the ten shillings came no more , and the Commodity lay still on his hands ; at which he was fretted , but could not help him●elf . My Master having thus managed this affair by these two Confederates , received the mony , and had the Bill assigned to him , giving both his Confederates something for their pains . He having thus done the Iron mongers business , was not contented with the profit alone , but was resolved to vex him ; and therefore when he passed by his shop , he asked him if he would buy any Dragons-●●ood . No , ●aid the other , I can sell you some . I 'll buy , said my Master , but when he saw it , and heard the price , he told him , No , he could sell him as good as that for 12 d. per pound . At this the Iron-monger was more vexed ; but now not knowing how to help himself , was forced to rest contented : at length the three months came , and then my Master was resolved to shew all his anger , and vex the Iron-monger more , and therefore went himself to demand the money that was due : the Iron-monger answered him , that he owed him none : Whereupon he produced his bill , and a Letter of Attorney ; and then he too late perceived how he had been served . For my Master told him , that now he would be even with him , for refusing to deal with h●● , and abusing him . The other said , it was a cheat , and he would make him bring out the party that bought it , giving him ten shillings in part of payment . That shall I do quickly , said my Master , but it will be but small to your gain : and then told him the name of the man , and that he was not worth a farthing , and a Prisoner in the Kings-Bench . At this the Iron-monger being much more vexed then before , told my Master that he would not pay him , and bid him take his course ; the which he did the next morning , and arresting him , soon brought the case to a tryal , and having an absolute bill of payment of the money , cast the Iron monger ; who advising with his Lawyers , went to Westminster for a Writ of Error , which he gained : but when he came back with it , thinking to stop Execution , he found that he came too late ; for my Master doubting such business , never left till he served the Execution , so that when the Poor Iron-monger came back with his Writ of Error , he found the Bayliffs and my Master in the shop , in possession of his goods ; and he being out of Moneys 〈◊〉 present was forced to let my Master have all his Dragons-blood again at twelve pence per pound , and ●o in that and other Commodities paying his Debt and Charges , and giving each other general Releases ( which my Master earnestly insisted on , and without which my Master would do nothing , the Iron-monger being in a strait ) they made an end of this bargain : and now the Iron-monger , when he came to a second reckoning of his bargain , sound , that instead of getting 8 l. 2 s. 4 d. h● had lost 33 l. 3 s. 4 d. besid●s all his Cost ; and my Master thus having gained 〈…〉 commodity ▪ ●old it since to another for one 〈…〉 pence per pound . And this , said the Drug 〈…〉 one of my Mast●●s 〈◊〉 to g●t money ▪ This young fellow had taken a great deal of pains to discover every particular of his Masters late bargain : from what he had related , I concluded the Master to be a very cunning practitioner in the Mysterious Art of Knavery , and therefore I was desirous to be acquainted with him ; and knowing that he was but a young man himself , and also desirous of acquaintance , I found no great difficulty to attain to my desires , which I soon a●ter accomplished , as I shall relate to you in the next Chapter . CHAP. XXVII . The Relater and the Drugsters Master come acquainted , being concerned in Tryals at Law : their several Cases they relate to each other . MY Master having much dealing , had many Debts owing him , and he was forced to sue some persons to get in his monies ; and I having delivered a parcel of Clothes , was sid p●●u●'d to attend to testifie the same in Court , upon a Tryal which my Master was to have with his Debtor . I attended the Court when Tryal of the Cause should be call'd , several hours ; and there did I meet with the young Drugster , who was waiting upon some such like occasion : we both having leisure , & his Servant having told him that I principally assisted in putting of his Drugs , he to gratifie me , offered me a Pint of Wine . I accepted his kindness , and to the Tavern we went , where he again thanked me for the courtesie I had done him ; and then he enquired my business at the Court , I told him , it was upon a Tryal of my Masters , who sued one for money for a suit of Cloaths . That is strange , said he , that any should re●use to pay for work when done . True , said I , but he pretends there is somewhat more then ordinary in the Case , as indeed there is , if well understood ; and knowing you to be ingenious , I shall relate it to you . A person had occasion to have a suit of Cloaths made , and would not entrust my Master to buy the Cloth ; but having enquired how much would do the business , my Master told him five ●●rds and a half , to make a Suit and large co●t The other supposing that five yards would do the business , and the half yard be saved , bought but five ; and bringing it home , desired my Master to cut it out before him ; and if there w●nted any more cloth , it should be supplyed . My Master seeing himself distrusted , was resolved to be even with his Customer ; and to cutting of it out he went : first , he cut out the Dou●let , and then the Breeches ; but instead of one pair of B●eeches , he cut out two pair , perswading the Customer that it was but one ; and when he came to cut out the coat , there was a great deal of cloth wanting ; so that the Gentleman was forced to buy a yard more of cloth , the which he saw cut out likewise ; and though he was cheated before his face , could not discover it ; my Master s●rving him well enough : for whereas he int●●●●d but to get half a yard of cloth by him , he now saved a whole one . The suit was made up , and the Gentleman wore it : but as ●et not being fully satisfied , coming into Company with another Taylor , he asked how much cloth might be in that suit and coat . The Taylor replyed , Five yards : the Gentleman said he bought six , and saw it all cut out and put into the clothes . The Taylor wondering hereat , told him , that he would make hi●●●uit and coat full as large as that with five yards . The ●entleman agreed , and more cloth was bought , ●eliv●●ed to the Taylor , and the suit made accordingly 〈◊〉 ●he Gentleman not as yet having paid my Master h●●●ill , refused to do it , pretending he is cheated , but n●●●nowing how ; and this day we are to have a T●yal ▪ and I question not , but I who am my Masters chief w●●●ss , ●hall be able to outwit the other Mast●r-Ta●●or ▪ who is here in Court ready to testifie against us How do you mean to order the matters said th●●●ugster . Truly , said I , in one word I will make 〈◊〉 that the Gentlemans six yards of cloth was cut out ●nd m●de up , in Doublet , Breeches and Coat , as in●e●d it was : but I do not say how many pair of Breeches ; and I suppose , they not suspecting me , will not be curious in asking the question . The Drugster was so well pleased in my relation of the story , that he told his case , which said he is this ; I have had some little misfortunes in the world , and people have lately called on me for money , more then I could well pay at present ; and one person particularly has been so outragiously foolish , as to say that I was a Bankrupt , and that I would never pay him ; now I have brought my Action against him for slander and defamation , and hope to get so great damages against him , as he shall be willing to forgive me my debt : and this will be a good leading Card to muzzle the Mouths of the rest of my Creditors , who indeed are so civil as to come into Court , and testifie in my behalf . This Case being well managed ( said I ) may be very considerable with you , and turn to your profit and credit both . Our Wine and Discourse being ended , we both went into the Court , where I heard his tryal so well managed , as he recovered 200 l. damage : and my Master , with my evidence , recovered his Debt ; and then threatned to sue the Gentleman for defamation : he hearing thereof , and seeing how great damages were given to one there present , upon the same account , presently made his Composition with my Master , and gave him ten pound to put up the business . My Master gave me 20 s. to spend , which I did in Wine and good Company ; and the Drugster having had this success , was now more contented then ever , and his credit grew high in the City , so that he was intrusted with some thousands ; but he and I being after that very intimate , I perswaded him at a convenient time to give me an account of his life and actions ; I having formerly told him of many of mine . We being planted at a Tavern , and no person to interrupt us , he began as followeth . CHAP. XXVIII . The Drugster in relating hi● Life , discovers several Cheats which he performed under the Cloak of religion ; as also how he cheated his Masters Sister of her Mai●●●●-hea● and E●tate ; and several Cheats in Sm●ckling . THough the whole course of my Life , from my Infancy to this time , hath been a continued piece of Knavery , I having been of many Trades , and most Factious in Religion , in which I have always been a very great stickler : yet I shall not give you any account of my minority , omitting all my actions till I came to abou● twenty years of age , when I gained some experien●e in the world , and had learned how to play my Ca●is to the best advantage . I served an Apprentiship with a Master whose whole Famil● , cons●sting of himself , Wife , Sister , and four Servan●● , was an absolute Compendium of most Religious 〈◊〉 then practised in England : He himself was a 〈◊〉 rigid Presbyterian ; his Wife a Ranter ; his Si●●● 〈◊〉 Anabaptist ; three of the Servants Independ●●● 〈◊〉 of several Churches and Perswasions ; and I , ●●●ugh an Independant , being of all Religions , yet 〈◊〉 non● at all , that gave them all the hearing ; and w●●h my Master was a Presbyterian , and would ordinarily accompany him in his long-winded prayers , which being filled with tautologies and nonsence , he esteemed and often used , believing himself to be assisted with a Divine Spirit . Many absurdities he committed in his Devotion , as praying for the Reformation of his Family , and pointing out a time when he should or would have a return of his Prayers , at which time he would charge Providence with the fault ; he having strictly observed all the Commandements , in Fasting , Praying , relieving the Brethren , and performing all other Duties which Sir Iohn his Ghostly father had imposed on him . He would often recount the particular enormities of his Wife and Family , and how she lay out from him three nights together in a week , and where she was ; and would earnestly pray for , either her conversion , or confusion . Many other impertinences would he commit , which would be too tedious to me to recount : but in general , I found his zeal to be a weakness in his brain , and he was continually led about as Sir Iohn Presbyter directed . My Mistress was likewise led about by those of her Gang , which were absolute Libertines , affording themselve all manner of pleasure , and denying themselves injoyment of nothing they could Purchase ; and she would pretend Religion in all her frollicks ; for she would say , That no sin was imputed to the Saints ; and indeed it was no sin , unless she her self thought it so . That she , or any other Sister , might lie with another Brother , was accounted a general maxime amongst them , especially if they ●hose their time when their Husbands are asleep , which they termed to be dead , and therefore might then do it without breach of any Commandment . She would be very costly both in her Apparel and die●s , alleadging , that it was not fit , that the Body which was a sacred Temple , should be coursly either cloathed or fed . I had a great mind to have been of her Religion , because there was so much freedom and enjoyments therein ; but my Master kept me in a little too strictly ; and my Mistress keeping company with the High-boys , slighted the tender of my service . Thus having failed in this attempt , I made my way to my Mistresses Sister , who was an Anabaptist ; she I often waited on by my Mistresses commands , and at length was admitted to be one of the Brethren in the Conventicle , whereof she was a Sister ; I professed a great deal of zeal for that way , and my Master often instructed me in Scripture , I soon from a proficient became a Preacher , and was of great eminency amongst them . Thus did I spend my time till my Apprenticeship was out , and was a freeman ; and then did I begin to look about me , to see what I might get for my self : for I had not undertaken this course of Teaching , but in hopes to gain my Mistresses Sister ; and she still put me off till I was 〈◊〉 of my time , pleading tenderness of Conscienc● w●●ld not permit her to give me any enjoyment ●f 〈◊〉 be●ore Marriage , and that could not law●ully 〈…〉 , till my time was out : which being come , 〈…〉 courted her , and she gave me the hearing , 〈…〉 put me off desiring me first to settle my self i● 〈◊〉 World , I now believing that she intended to 〈…〉 , was resolved to play the same hand at Cards 〈◊〉 her ; and perswading her that I still gained 〈…〉 of an Estate by my dealings in the World , I sp●nt ●ome moneys on her , and taking my opportunity , g●in●d my ends upon her ; for pretending that I had la●ely made a bargain , whereby I should get a 100 l. if I had fifty pound ready money more then my own , which was likewise fifty pound ; She having moneys by her , willingly consented to lend me fifty pound , provided that she might see the disbursing thereof . I then thinking to kill two Birds with one stone , readily consented ; and heartily thanking her , desired her to provide he self to go with me next Tide to Gravesend , where I was to lay out the moneys : she did accordingly , and carrying fifty pound with her , I having raised such another sum , we took boat and made for Gravesend , where , when we arrived , I left her to rest her self at an Inn , and went on board a Ship that was newly come from the Indies , and bought as much Indigo as came to 150 l. I had it a very good penny-worth , but not so good as to perswade her that I should gain 100 l. by it , which I had promised ; wherefore , that I might make out the matter to be plain to her , I engaged the Seaman I had dealt withal to secrecy , and made this bargain , that I should pay him 100 l. down , and pay the rest in two monthes , telling him that I was a great dealer . He believing me without much difficulty , not only consented to this , but also to say , that he had but 100 l. for all the Commodity : we having thus agreed , went to my Sweet-hearts Chamber , & there co●cluded our bargain before her ; who having some skill in the price of that Commodity , did believe the bargain to be as profitable as I alledged to her , and freely laid down her money , which together with my fifty pound was paid to the Seaman , and the goods delivered into a Lighter to be carried to London , and delivered according to order . This affair being dispat●'d , I was resolved to drive the nayl home a little further , and as I had got the money , so to g●t the Maid ; wherefore , I preten●ing expedition , told her , it would be most convenient for us to ride home : the wholly confiding in me , consented thereto , and a Horse was procured to carry us double ▪ mounted we were , and so advanced on our journey , but pretending some business , I made an halt at the next Town homewards , where I did my Horse the unkindness to prick him in the foot , that he might halt , and not be able to carry us through that night : this being done , we again mounted , and I fell to thanking my Mistress for this great favour , not only in assisting me with her Purse , but accommodating me with her company ; and now , said I , I hope you will no longer delay me the enjoyment of your self , and the rest of your Estate . Truly , said she , this days action hath resolved me of all doubts , and now I have so good opinion of you , that I shall no longer delay our Marriage then shall stand with your conveniency . To this I returned an answer full of love and kindness . Our Horse by this time felt the effects of my work , for he halted so much , that we could only go a foot pace , and with much difficulty came to the next Town , where we were forced to alight , and it growing late , and impossible to get to London that night , we resolved to take up our quarters for the present . I having placed my Mistress in a private Chamber , went into the Stable , and soon removed the obstruction that hindred our horse from going , so that by the next morning he was well enough able to Travel , I left him to the care of the Hostler , and went up to my Mistress , who expected me to Supper , which I had ordered to be provided for us , and that being ready , I invited our Landlady to be a Guest , though our Commons were but short , being only one Chicken , yet I made a long Grace , which according to our custome , might amount to a Prayer ; and I remember that among other matters , I prayed that our Horse might be so well recovered , as that he might be so well able to carry us next day to London : our Landlady soon understanding what kind of Guests she had , believing that she should get little by our Company , was desirous of leaving it , which she did , by pretending business , and so we had the whole Chicken left us for our own eating , we hardly made or left any bones of it , so hungry we were . Supper being ended , we went to the fire , and I designing my business , call'd for a quart of Claret , which we burn'd , sweetned , and drank off ; and by this time my Mistress was so sweet upon me , that we talked very familiarly and pleasantly , and oftentimes I interlaced our Discourses with Kisses and amorous Sighs , to which I was welcomed , and many times invited : I then called ●●r another Quart of Wine , which we likewise drank off , and then I found my Mistress very full of the Creature , so that she drew ●ear to the Bed , and at length cast her self thereon ; I was not long after her , but lay down likewise , and first beginning with embraces and kisses , in a little ●ime I gained possession of all my endeavours , she lying as fast asleep all the while ; but when I had done , and was again laid by her , she started up , and seemed to be very angry with me : but I supposing that it was because I had so soon done , catched hold of he● , and attempted to be at her again , but in vain did I endeavour it , for she then began to be angry , reproaching me with dishonesty , and using many canting terms , which I omit : I told her , what was done could not be undone , and therefore comforted her , and told her all should be well by our sudden Marriage : thus did I appease her , and we soon agreed upon every thing ▪ so that though I was appointed another Chamber , which I pretended to lodge in , yet I lay all night with her . The next morning we arose betime ; and mounting our horse , who was now well enough , we soon arrived at London , where for the present we parted . I having thus gained my ends of this woman , having part of her Estate in my possession , and by the enjoyment of her person having the command of the rest , was resolved only to abuse her ; stript her of what she had , and so leave her : for I found no such sweetness in my nights lodging with her , but what I might expect from another ; having before that tasted woman in the enjoyment of two or three of our Sisters , which passages I omit , and tell this to acquaint you how this woman undid her self by her Covetuousness , for had she not distrusted me with her money , I should have married her , but now my mind was otherwise bent . I received my Goods , and now my stock being much encreased by this fifty pound , and the profit of my bargain , I paid the Seaman , and proceeded in Trading : and though I had little skill in forreign Commodities , yet I ventured at all , neither did I want Money , for instead of paying back the fifty pound to my Mistress , I soon after had 100 l. more , and yet she could not perswade me to marriage , I still pretending multiplicity of business : at length , all her Portion , being 400 l. got into my hands , I only paid her with a nights lodging , which now and then we had together ; but as to marriage , I still pretended one reason or other to defer it . I not only proceeded in my Merchandizing , but continued in my Preaching at our usual Conventicles , where I was become very famous , and a great disputant ; but at length I finding there was but little to be gotten by them ( and my principle being always to gain what I could ) I became now almost weary of them , and willing to leave the Congregation for another that courted me , but I was resolved e're I left them , to make some use of them , and get somewhat of them . I thus laid my Plot : I gave a Bond to a Confederate for 100 l. pretending that I owed so much to him ; I gave out , that I would on such a day not only preach to my Congregation , but also Dispute with any opposer on several Articles . The time being come I had a full Auditory , and performed my Preachment and Disputation to the general satisfaction of all , and then appointed that the next day I would hold forth some other points , that had not as yet been disputed of , inviting all the Congregation and all others that would come , to meet me in a larger room then that was wherein we exercised at present . Thus having finished my Discourse , I dismissed my Auditors ; but I was no sooner out of the House , but I was seized on by a bayliff , in Execution for 20● l ●o● my Confederate who had the bond , had brought ●t to Judgment : I was then accompanied by two or three of my Congregation , who much wondring at the business , desired the Bayliff to have pat●ence , and to go into the next House , which we did and ●he Case being opened , I confessed the Debt , with●l , alleading that I was not at present able to pay it , having lately ventured most of my Estate to Sea. Those of my Congregation hearing this ( and being much grieved that their Pastor should be thus snatch'd from them , especially when he had deserved so well ) sent for some more of their Brethren , who were monied men ; and so among them they paid the debt , and I was discharged : but soon after this , I left them , and they were forced to make a Collection or gathering among themselves to reinburse themselves their moneys ; and my Mistress who had been all this while delayed by me with fairwords , made her complaints to the brethren , but to no purpose , for she received no redress or satisfaction , I having now quite left them and their faction for another , where by reason of my abillity in preaching , I was entertained , and an accord made between me and my quondam Mistress , I only giving her back 50 l. of her 400 l. we being now absolutely parted from one another , she receiving no other satisfaction of me , either for her many nights lodging or mony , then fifty pound , which she willingly received , believing me to be a beggar ; my new Congregation voluntarily raising that money for that purpose . Thus was I quit of her , and had gained five hundred pound in my pocket , only under the cloak of Religion . and having such success , I in short time discovered my self to be rich , by buying many bargains of good value , paying ready mony , and raised my self to so high a reputation , that I won a widdow of an indifferent fortune to be my wi●e , and so settled my self in the World. As for my Preaching-trade , I finding that it had already done me as much service as I expected from it , I left it , for I had now a wife and money , and for that end , and to get them , I took it up , and being provided with both , I left it , but especially finding that it grew every day into disesteem , it being about the time of his Majesties happy Return ; when instead of a preaching Fanatick , I quickly faced about , and leaving my congregational friends , I enquired out , and procured Cavalier acquaintance , so that I who a little before the Kings coming home , was used to wear short Hair , and was modest and precise in my habit ) had now a large Perewig , a great Plume of Feathers , and all other accoutrements accordingly , being still diligent on all occasions to associate my self with the Captain and cheif Officers of the Trained-Bands of our Company , into whose acquaintance and Society I soon insinuated my self , by my Gallantry in my habit and expences in Taverns being conformable . Thus did I become a Gentleman , and from a Precisian a Prodigal , nay an Antick , and every thing , what not ? that I might please all : for instead of Prayer-book , or some other Fanatical piece of divinity , I now carried in my pocket , either Cards or Dice , and so great a love I had to Hocus Pocus , that all their Tools , viz. Box of Counters , Balls , Cups , and other Trinkets which are made use of in that mysterious function , were all my Companions : having learned confidence when I was a Preacher , I was now the better emboldned to stare my Spectators in the face , while I cunningly enough performed my feats of activity ; and such a readiness I had , that I was an able proficient , I spent so much time in these fooleries , that I almost lost my self ; and now having a wife and family to maintain , I found my Estate so far to decrease , that I was forced to look after my business , and fall to Merchandizing : but having lost a considerable part of my Estate which I had adventured at Sea , I was resolved , as I said , to trust no more to that Element , and not to let my Estate go out of my sight ; wherefore I , still as shipping came in , went on board , either in the Downs , Portsmouth or Plymouth , and there buying good bargains , which the Seamen , newly come home , would afford for ready Money , I began to prick up again , and have Money at command ; I then bought me a small Pinnace or small Pleasure boat ; and with that went on board of Ships , bought Goods , and made a shift to stow as much on board privately , that I saved much by the customes and other duties . This Trade I drove a long time , gained much by stealing Duties ; neither did I care what goods I dealt in , having Customers of all sorts and Trades , who knowing that I drove this Trade , employed me to buy for them , agreeing the prizes before hand : but I was snap'd one time , and all my goods seized for not paying duties , and an Information put into the Exchequer against me : I finding that it would be but a folly to contend there , agreed with the Informer , and he suffered me to cast him ; so that I got off for a sum of money , but I gained much experience thereby , so that I then began a new Trade , and would engage many of my Friends to go and buy Goods on board of Ship , and if they got them clear from the Ships side● ; it was enough ; for I would come immediately in another Boat , as if a stranger , and seize the Goods as forfeited for want of the payment of duties , and so secure them from any other seizure : and if any other person came to seize on them , I then pretended it to be my business , having made the first seizure , but if we were not met with by another , then we passed clear without any more trouble : nay , so bold and confident was I grown in this kind of Trade , called Smuckling ; that I have had fifty and an hundred pound at a time given me to go over into Holland or France in a Ship which hath brought much prohibited goods , which I have seized so soon as we came near any Port of England , to prevent any other seizure ; and then putting an information into the Exchequer , have suffered costs against me , and all hath been clear . I gained not only much money by this means , but also the esteem of a cunning subtile fellow , and was employed in many such affairs , and sometimes in Law-suits . I remember once I came into Company with a very f●ir Lady , who having an old cross-grain'd fellow to her Husband , had not only lived from him some time , but was so foolish as to be married to another person , who was a Gentleman of much worth and merit , The Ladies old Husband ( understanding it , and more out of Covetousness of gaining money , which he believed the Gentleman would on this occasion part from , then any love he bore his Wife ) hunted them out from one place to another , and the young Gentleman refusing to comply with the old Knights desires , he was resolved now to prosecute her for Life . This Story was told me by the Gentleman himself , and the Lady assured me of the truth of the matter , imploring my assistance : Well , Madam , said I , come , be ruled by me , and I will disapoint your old Husband , and you shall laugh at him : Having considered the matter , I ordered her to go next day into the Country , above 100 miles from London , and there to expect me , and obey my further orders , this she did ; and I soon following her , and the Assizes beginning the next day , I got a Warrant to apprehend and bring her before the Bench , she came , and I charged her with having two Husbands , she denying ; and I alledging the matter , she was committed , and an Indictment brought in , but when she was to be try'd , I was not to be found , nor any person else to prosecute her : so that she was quit by proclamation . A Copy of this Process I took out of the Court , and so she and I came to London to the Gentleman her friend , who gladly welcomed us , and now they live together in spight of the old Knight , who attempted to trouble them , found it in vain , for she could not be tryed for one fact twice . This feat did I meerly out of my own apprehension and fancy , and it succeeding according to my wishes , I had a considerable reward for my pains . CHAP. XXIX . The Drugster sets two Persons , his wives Brothers-in-Law at variance , he gets Money out of them both , proceeds in T●ading , but adventuring too much , cannot pay his Debts , and is therefore clapt up in Prison . I Drave this rambling Trade for a long time , and gained enough by it , but I was so prodigal in my expences ( both at home and abroad , that I might be counted some body ) and sometimes loosing considerable sums at gaming , that I began to go behind hand , and oftentimes when I pretended to go to Graves●nd , the Downs , or other places to buy some Drugs , or other Merchandise aboard a Ship , I went not far from London to a brave handsome Lass , that I kept for my private recreation . For though I had a wife , and she indifferent handsome , yet was she cold in her embraces , and still talking of the cares of the World , and propounding ways to get Moneys . But my private Lady was quite different , being wholly composed of Love and sweetness , professing nothing more dear to her , then my Society : and we had no other discourse but pleasure and enjoyments , in the greatest height we could imagine ; This , though it were pleasant , was very chargeable , to keep such a Commodity for my own private use , so that I gained not much at the years end , and what I got over the Devils back , I spent under his belly , as the Proverb goes : Wherefore my wife called on me to stay at home and apply my self to some setled way , but that I could not do , for my Stock was grown low , and my spending as high as ever . My Wife had a Father-in-Law who was a Citizen , and a monyed man ; him I got into favour with , and by my free entertainment of him , won him to me ; for he having left off trading in London , lived some miles off , and coming to London would often visit me , where I still welcomed him , and attended him abroad when he went to receive Rents , or any Moneys , and assisted him in all such things that I could with much diligence . My stock being very low , I borrowed Moneys of him to trade with , and was very Punctual in my payment , so that he put so much confidence in me , as to lend me 100 l. and more I might have had , had I requested it : as he and his wife ( who was my wives Mother ) often visited me at my house , so at convenient times I was a guest at theirs in the Country , where I associated my self with the best Gentl●men of the place , wining upon the affections of all , by my facetious and pleasant converse . I had hopes of raising my fortunes by my wives Mother , who I hoped would out-live her husband , and then at her death be able and willing to give me good part of her estate , but it fell out otherwise , for she fell Sick and died before him , but it was but good luck to be there , and my wife being still near her , she gave her some Rings and other things that were considerable . The old man my Father-in-Law being desirous to bury his wife at London , according to her request , went up with us , and being somewat sick before , so soon as his wife was buried , was so surprized with a distemper , that he took his bed , and after ten weeks sickness dyed at my house , during his sickness , I be thought my self of what advantage I might make it , and endeavoured to please him in all I might , but he having two Sons , I could not expect much of the estate , but was resolved by hook or by crook to have a considerable share , and to that end , I knew no better way then to divide the two Brothers , and put them at difference . The eldest was a married man , and though of an easie temper , yet I knew was too honest to be wrought on to do any unhansome action , the youngest being a young bluff fellow , was apt to believe any thing I should perswade him to , wherefore at first I possest him with a jealousie against his brother , that he would defraud him of his share of the estate , if he did not take heed and follow my directions , which if he did , I would put him into a way to command his elder brother in every thing . The young man being of a suspicious nature , easily believed me ; and then I particularly advised him , that the first thing he ought to do , was to get the Register of his age altered ; for if his father should now dye , and he not truly being twenty years of age , could not expect to have the possession of any part of the Estate , unless he were one and twenty . Wherefore to the house of the Parish Register we went , and for the spending of one shilling , and five shillings in Money , we had the Register book delivered to us , where I being well skilled in counterfeiting and imitating of hands ; soon alter'd the Register , putting his age out in one place , and writing it in another place two years before , so that the young man was now made half a year above full age . Then did we call the Register , who gave us a Certificate out of the book of the young mans age , and this we carried with us as authentick , and to be produced on all occasions . I having done thus much for the young Man , he could not deny me any thing I desired or requested : so that the old sick Gentleman being still weaker , and having his Money in a Trunk by his Beds-side , I perswaded the younger Brother ( who had the key ) to take some out and lend to me ; which he did : and that the old Man might not see the action ; I and my wife would stand by the beds-side before him , so that by degrees I got 100 l. from thence : and when the old man dyed , though he left a considerable Estate , yet was there not a penny of ready Money . The elder brother knowing that he had foul-play shewed him , began to be angry , but to no purpose , for he was forced to comply , the younger brother having possession of that Trunk , and the keys of all others where all the Writings were . The old man being buried ( and much excess and prodigality shewed in the expen●es and costs thereof , which was done principally at my invitement , that I might gain repute by inviting as many friends as I pleased , and also drain my two young men of their moneys ) the two brothers began to discourse the matter , the elder brother demanding possession of the Estate , and a divident to be made according to the Will of their Father ; and , said he , Brother , your share must either be in my hands , or else in the Chamber of London till you come of age : How , said I , till he come of age ? Sure , you mistake your self , he is of sufficient age already ; and thereupon produced the Certificate , which though it was very punctual , yet the elder brother ( who was near ten years older then his brother ) and several others who were present , knew to be false : and this was the first breach between them , which had like to have grown to a high flame : for the elder Brother applying himself to the Register , upon search of the Book , found the fallacy : and indeed the Register acknowledged the fact ; for which he , and the younger brother , and my self had like to have kissed New-gate , by order of the Lord Mayor , who being acquainted herewith , was highly incensed against us all , professing before the whole Court of Aldermen , That this act was of high concernment , and might be prejudicial to the whole City . The elder brother was very cautious in prosecuting this affair , being tender of his brothers credit , and therefore endeavoured by fair means to bring h●s brother to a fair compliance ; which he effected in my absence , and so wrought upon his Brother , that the Trunk of Writings was sent for to a Tavern , where they were then divided , and the Trunk with part of the Writings delivered to him , with promise to put a fair end to the rest of the difference . When I came home , and found the Trunk gone , I stormed exceedingly ; and believing my self disappointed of my purpose , found out the younger Brother , and schoold'd him so foundly , that he by my directions went back to his brothers house , and by a false token , regained the Trunk with the Writings , which he had new sent home . Thus was their difference enlarged , and likely to be worse ; but the Elder Brother so moderately complyed with all mine and his demands , though never so unreasonable , that a division and partition was made , not only of the Estate , but some part of the Goods , which being Plate , and Linnen , and Pewter , were delivered into my custody : and all the differences between the brothers being ended , I demanded of the elder brother satisfaction for his fathers being at my house during the time of his sickness : he little expected this ; for his father had given to me and mine an hundred pound , but that was nothing ; I owed him so much , and I must have more , and so I told him I would have , or mischeif him : not giving any other reason , but that he had enough , and I would have part . Thus did I hope to huff him out of his money : but he , though he was easie and good-natured ( which I accounted next of kin to a fool ) yet wholly refused me , affirming that I had no reason for my demands , for I had an hundred pound given me , and that I had not been at any charge , for his father had continually given my wife money to provide all necessaries , and that some of that was still in my wives hands . Though I knew what he alledged was true , yet I still persisted in my demands , and told him , that so much I would have for the trouble of my house : he offered to refer it to two men ; I long refused it , but at the length consented , and tampered with his Arbitrator , promising him a reward , if he would answer my exp●ctations ; but he , contrary to my expectation proved very honest , and gave me but half what I asked ; n●ither would he have consented to that , but that the elder brother himself advised him thereto , out of a desi●● of Peace . This Award I was much troubled at , and seeing I cou●d get no more , was contented with what I could get of him : but the youner brother I flee'd somewhat more considerably , getting out of them both , in Legacy , Mony and Goods , to the value of three or four hundred pounds : with which stock of money , and a greater of credit , re●orting of greater matters that were given me , I again fell to trafficking , and now dealt more considerably then ever : for I went to publick Sales , where great quantities of goods were sold by inch of Candle , and bought thousand pounds worth at a time ; and so considerable was I lookt on , that I was often employed by others to buy for them . I bought several parcels and sorts of Goods , which I fetcht away as I paid for them : at last I bought several parcels of Goods to a great value , and fetcht away most of them , which I sold to profit : but one parcel of 500 l. being a failing and decaying Commodity , I lest in their hands so long , that it was much damaged ; and unwilling and indeed unable to pay for them , was Arested , and clapt up into a prison ; where I was forc'd to lie a great while , till I had spent and consumed most of what I had ; and at length they finding there was nothing to be got by me , released me , I releasing my bargain : which I willingly did , but soon after repented it ; for the price of that Commodity rising , it soon amounted to great profit ; and whereas I should have lost , I now might have gained as they did by the sale of it , near 200 l. CHAP. XXX . The Drugster having fail●d in London , goes to live in the Country ; where by counterfeiting a sickness , and making a Will , he gets into Credit , and borrowing Money falls again to Trading . THis Misfortune of my Imprisonment did sensibly afflict me ; especially , when I understood that instead of loss , I might have gained by holding to my bargain ; but it now being past , could not be helpt . I was reduced to such necessity , that not only all my Money , but my Plate and best Goods were sold ; and not only my Wife , but my Whore parted from their Rings and Jewels to redeem me : for when I was in prison , every body that I owed money to , though never so little , came upon me ; and though I came off with my great Action easily enough , yet many other little ones stuck close to me , which I was forced to discharge . I had now time enough to consider my forepassed Actions , and to examine my self what I had done to deserve this affliction ; I bethought me of the trick I first served my Mistresses Sister , in cheating her of her Money and Virginity ; but that stuck not much upon me , because I thought her to be justly enough fitted for delaying me , distrusting me , and other bad practices I knew her guilty of : but when I considered the wrong I had lately done the two brothers , in first rasing a difference , and then continuing it between them , and not only prosecuting the elder brother so highly my self , but putting another of my acquaintance ( to whom I knew he was indebted ) upon him to sue and arrest him , with all the disgrace I could , by causing it to be done on a Sunday as he went to Church , I my self attending : This consideration possessed me with an opinion that this Judgment was justly fallen upon me for this cause , I being rightly enough fitted , being likewise arrested my self on a Sunday , as I was going to Church , but now being discharged of my Imprisonment , I bethought me what course I was to take , and resolved that since I had suffered disgrace in the City , it were best for me to remove into the Country , where I was not known ; therefore I soon took a house of considerable value , and putting my self in a very good Habit , and in equipage every ways suitable , I and my Wife , with most of my family removed from my London to my Country-house ; I soon got my self acquainted with the best and wealthiest people of the place , and gave them very handsome Treats and Entertainments at my house , which they answered me with the like civility . Though I had been a Prisoner , ●et I had play'd my Cards so well in paying my small debts , and told my tale so advantagiously about my great Action , that I had preserved a sufficient credit with some of my dealers ; so that making up about fifty pound out of my Wives and Wenches Rings , Jewels , and some Plate , I was entrusted with a 100 l. worth of Commodities , with which I set up another Trade in the Country ; this turned to good account : for I seldom ventured on any thing , but it was effectual and to purpose ; and if I would wholly have bent my minde to get Money , I might have had a good estate ; but I effected pleasure equal to , and above profit ; and though I was thus low in the World , yet I still kept my Wench , whom I had now quartered in the mid-way between my London and Country-house , and therefore could lye with her commodiously enough , and tell my wife if at my Country , that I lay at the London house ; and so on the contrary . As I thus enjoyed my pleasure , so I now began to be more wary , and look after profit , which I did to good purpose ; but I now wanted a Father-in-Law who was a moneyed man , or some other friend who would furnish me with money ▪ and if I could have produced three or four hundred pounds in ready money , I questioned not but to make extraordinary advantage : for this end I thought on several ways , and at length did hit upon one that did my business . I travelling in the Winter , took an extraordinary cold that forced me to keep my bed for some days , and indeed I did so longer then I needed ; for I counterfeiting an extraordinary sickness , and that I was much troubled with the Stone and Collick ; and so desperate ill I pretended my self to be , that my Wife lamenting , and my Children and Family being in much disorder , I was perswaded to make my Will : to this I consented ; and the Scrivener of the Town was sent for ; I then told him , that by reason of my Childrens childhood , and my Wives incapacity to mannage affairs , I was in a great strait how to dispose of my Estate , which though it was considerable enough , yet if it were not well managed , would soon come to nothing ; I now being in a strange Town , distant from London , where my acquaintance lived , I knew not well what person to intrust as Executor , unless , said I , Mr. B. of this Town would do me the kindness to take that trouble on him , which I would willingly requite by a sufficient Legacy , and my Wife and Children would be bound to pray for him . Sir , said the Scrivener , I question not but he will do it ; and if you please , I will not only ask him , but perswade him thereto . I thank you kindly , said I , and for this offer of your friendship , I shall give you a Legacy as a Remembrance of me ; and therefore , I pray , take notice of the heads of my Will , and then go with it to Master B. and shewing it to him , make this request to him in my behalf : whereupon the Scrivener begun , and I dictated to him , what and to whom I would give ; which was 1000 l. to my Wife , 300 l. apiece to my Children , and several other Legacies , amounting in all to near 3000 l. and 100 l. I gave to my intended Executor , and 10 l. to the Scrivener . This affair being thus ordered , the Scrivener departed , and went to Master B. my intended Executor who being a well monyed man , and withal very covetous , was very glad of the matter , and willingly accepted of the offer , and within few hours came to me , and told me he was very sorry for my sickness , and wished my recovery ; but if he could do me any service living , or to my Wife and Children , if I should die , which he hoped would not happen , he should be ready and willing both in purse and person to assist me . I then told him what I had done as to my Will , and withal caused my Account-books to be produced , where I shewed and demonstrated how my Estate stood , and in whose hands it was ( having prepared false Accompts for that purpose : ) he seeing the matter so plain , and hoping to get a fleece out of my Estate , caused the Scrivener to proceed and fini●h the Will , which I sealed ; but during his stay with me at that time , and some other times when he visited me , I so counterfeited faintings and pain , that he and all others near me , did fully conclude , I was no man for this World. After I had managed this affair to the height , I soon recovered , and had now not only gained this old penny-father to be my friend , but by his and the Scriveners reports of my Estate , had many others , who more then ordinarily respected me , and made me tenders of their service ; all which I thankfully refused at pre●ent , as not having any need . Soon after this , I hearkned out a place , for which I was to give 1000 l. and it being a good penny-worth , I engaged in it : I made a shift to raise two hundred pound of my own moneys , and that was all I was then able to do ; but pretending I had of my own five hundred pound in money , I soon perswaded my intended Executor to furnish me with five hundred pound more ; and so paying seven hundred pound to my Chapmen , he took my word for three hundred pound more . This place put me in very great credit ; and now as well my London as my Country-acquaintance looked on me with respect , supposing all to be true that had been discoursed of me . I did not long keep this place , but sold it for an 100 l. profit , and so became Master of more ready money , then ever , with which I again came to London , wholly leaving my Country house , and paying my Country Penney-father part of his moneys ; and with that little of my own , and the rest that was left , and what I had gained , I took a house and Shop in the place where I now live , and drive a Trade equal to the best of my Neighbours ; onely I have had some dealings of late , which have a little puzzled me , as I lately told you , when I had my tryal ; but he that slander'd me paying so dear as 200 l. dam●ges , will not only himself beware , but alwaies teach others to hold their peace . CHAP. XXXI . Th● Drugster now breaking in carr●st , endeavours to cheat his Creditors , and 〈◊〉 himself and Estate into Holland ; but is discover●● , and his Estate seized , and himself stopt ; but b● assistance of the Relator , he gets off , and having a good sum of Money , and the Scrivener and his Wench , all get away , and travel to the East-Indies . THus did the Drugster finish his story . I received satisfaction equal to whatever I had , either in the Scrivener , Bookseller , or any other Relation ; for I found that his Actions had been different from theirs ; for what they did under the cloak of honesty , he did under that of Religion , which I found was too often the covering of Knavery . This Discourse being ended , and our Wine out , we parted ; profferring to each other all kind of service : and indeed , it was through his occasion , and to do him service , that I am come to this place , so far from my Country ; I shall therefore give you an account of his last Actions in England , which are as remarkable as any I have hitherto related to you ; as also somewhat further of the Scrivener , who is our other Companion ; and so finish this large Narrative , which I doubt hath almost wearied you . I being unwilling to hinder the Traveller in prosecuting his story , had with much pleasure attended and hearkned to what he had said ; and though his discourse was long , and had taken up much time , yet I found so much pleasing variety , that made me ample satisfaction and amends ; and being desirous to know the rest of their Adventures , and what fortune or misfortune had brought them hither , I desired him to proceed , which he did in this manner : I was now acquainted with three persons , ( viz. the Scrivener , Bookseller , and Drugster , an account of whose actions I have given you ) that gave me full satisfaction , and put me into an absolute opinion , that there was not onely Knavery used in all Trades and Professions , but that most Trades were composed of , and most Estates gotten by over-reaching and Knavery : I therefore resolved to look about me , and see what I could do in the World ; and having an intimate and familiar a●quaintance with the Scrivener , I was by him supplyed with what money I desired , laying it out in Cloaths , which I bought at the second hand , and sold again to my profit , and so repaying the Scrivener , who took no other interest then a Pint or a Quart of Wine . I did light upon so many good Bargains , that I had gained a Stock of about fifty pound of my own , and my Master did not contradict or deny me in my dealing , because I assisted him in his profit , by bringing him Customers of our Club and acquaintance ; I brought the Scrivener and Drugster to be acquainted together , and they liked one another so well , that they contracted a friendship , which had hitherto lasted ; and the Scrivener was likewise assistant to the Drugster in procuring him moneys at a pinch , which he honestly repaid him ; and the Captain ( which I told you the Scrivener first adventured to Sea withal , so much to their own profit , and the loss of the Insurers ) was now a Person admitted into our society , and being now got up again in the world , b●came Master of a good Ship , and often imployed by the Drugster , and others of his acquaintance , on several short Voyages to Holland , when at his return he was assisted in conveying and securing much prohibited and uncustomed Goods by the Drugster , which was to the very great gain of them both ; and in general we all thrived very well , till fortune , who is always changeable , in short time turn'd tail upon the Drugster , and had like to have crush'd him to nothing . He b●ing at the height of his Trade , and studying now onely how to be an Alderman , did drive a great Trade , bu●ing and selling much Comodities , both Drugs and Grocery ▪ Ware , and indeed , any other Merchandize whatever nothing came amiss to him , till at length he not onely had a great loss at Sea , but buying a great quantity of Pot ashes , intending to make a great profit by keeping them up , he lost a 1000 l. at a clap ; for much of that Commodity coming in unexpectedly , he w●s forced to sell his at a great loss : these two unlucky hits , both falling on the neck of one another , shrewdly squeezed him ; but he being of a great courage , took little notice of it to the World , but still run on all that he could , adventuring a great part of the remainder of his Estate to Sea , which likewise failing , he was quite undone , but remembring that he had been in as bad condition ●ormerly , and still made a shift to come off clear , and creep up again , his credit being still high , he bought great quantities of Goods upon credit , to pay at three months ; but not knowing how to bestir himself , being now got very highly in Debt , and knowing very well that he could not make profit enough by those Goods to set himself to rights , he thereupon bethought himself of con●eying away what he had , and giving all his Creditors the slip : he had two other inducements that moved him thereto , the one was his Wives death , which was lately happened , and the other was his Wenches con●en● and earnest desire for him to do so , promising to a●ses● him in all she could , and also to accompany him to hi● Voyage . This being agreed , the place intended for his Voyage being Holland , he sold as much Goods in 〈◊〉 at an under-rate for ready money , as he received 〈◊〉 for ; and the rest of his Goods amounting to 〈◊〉 worth , was put on board a Ship , which was immediately to set sail for Amsterdam ; his Lady being 〈◊〉 board the Ship , but in a Disguise , Virago-like , 〈◊〉 in mans apparel : he carried not his design so closely , but some of his Creditors got knowledge of it , and understanding the business to be desperate , took out a Statute of Bankrupt , and going on board the Ship seized on all ; he being then at London , taking leave of me , the Scrivener , and some other friends . This being done , the news came quickly to his knowledge ; for before we parted , two of his Creditors , accompanied with Officers , not onely acquainted him with what they had done , but also secured his person . We were all surprized at this action , especially the Drugster , who now appeared more dead then alive ; and though he was asked many Questions , yet he knew not readily how to answer one ; and therefore they soon left us , carrying them away to one of their own houses , where they tyrannically kept him for some days , not permitting any person to come at him ; for though I attempted it , 't was in vain . The Scrivener and I being together , wondred at the action , and could not tell what should be the occasion of this sudden business , for the Drugster had not acquainted us with the bottom of his designe , onely telling us , that he was to go a two months Voyage to Holland , and so return . I then parted from the Scrivener , and attempted to see and to speak with my friend the Drugster , but it could not be at present ; but by often importuning , and pretending business of consequence , in ten days time I was permitted to see and speak with him ; when having secured and examined the Chamber where he was , that none might over-hear our Discourse , he soon acquainted me with every particular of his business and designe ; nor did he relate to me that his Wench was on board in mans apparel , and how he had given a 100 l. in silver into her Custody . But , said I , where is the other 500 l. for in all I heard you say , you had 600 l. in ready money ? That said he , I hope is safe , if my Cloaths are so ; and therefore , I pray , said he , assist me a little in this affair , and enquire what is become of the Wench and my Clothes , and I doubt not but in few days to put all things right enough again . I not only promised him to do my utmost , but went about it very faithfully ; and going on board the Ship , found that all was gone ; but upon enquiry , heard that the young man that was to accompany the Drugster in the Voyage , was on shore at a house not far off : thither I went , and upon enquiry found out the party : I desired private speech with him , for she went for a man ; this was granted , and I discovering my self so plainly to her , in every particular , she made no great difficulty to be as free with me , and told me all was gone , Cloaths , and every thing else , except her own Box , where she had secured the 100 l. that was given to her ; and , continued she , My friend could not have employed any person to me , to whom I would have been so free as I shall to you : for though you do not know me in this Habit , yet I suppose had I my womans dress , you would soon remember me : I then protested to her , that I could not call her Phisnomy to mind . Well , said she , we have been more inward , and ere now lain together ; and thereupon told me , that she was one of those three that I lay with one night , and had redeemed from pawn , as I have formerly told you , at my last coming to London . Upon this , though she was in breeches ; I made bold to kiss her and embrace her : Well , said she , proceed no further , there may be time enough for the rest ; let us now consult what is necessary for our distressed friend : for , said she , if you and he desire it , I shall be willing to part from all the hundred pound , which I am yet Mistress of . Well , replyed I , you are the most generous and deserving Woman of all your Sex , especially of your Quality , not onely for what you now offer , but what I formerly by experience , and lately by his Relations have understood by you . Truely , replyed she , where I promise fidelity , I perform it ; and where I find worth , I will endeavour to deserve and requite it : and though I have lived wantonly , yet since I was entertained by this Gentleman as his friend , I have been wholly constant , and will persevere so long as he is able or I can otherwise handsomly contrive a way to subsist . In this you are very obliging , said I , but I hope you will not deny any old friend a courtesie . Well , said she , more of that hereafter . From this discourse we fell to the matter in hand , consulting and contriving what was necessary to be done for our friends present accommodation : for the present , we agreed a●●●at money should lye in her hands , onely she should remove her quarters to the place appointed . This being done , I again repaired to him , and acquainted him with my proceedings ; he was glad I had found her and the hundred pound : but when I told him that the Chest with his Clothes were gone a●d secured from him , he was almost out of his wits , c●yed out , that now he was miserable , and never till now . Well , said I , come ; be contented , there may be a way found to remedy this evil . No , said he , never till I am again Master of that Chest with my Cloaths . Upon this he was silent , and soon after two of his ●heif Creditors entred the Chamber , and told him ●hat if he would be ingenious with them , that they wo●ld not only release him , but put Money in his Pocket , ●hat he might trade again : For , said one of them , we have been at great cost already for the taking out the Commission of Bankrupt , and the Commissioners Fees ●or sitting hath already cost two hundred pound , and it runs up every day to more and more ; So that in fine , it will consume the Estate , unless you will assist us in making up your accounts ; for there are several that we supposed had owed you money , do put in for to have a share with us ; and there●●on , they named two or three parties who had de●●●ded monies of them . To this the Drugster re●●●● that he owed no such sums as were pretended , 〈…〉 of them owed him two hundred pound ; 〈…〉 this and offering to prove it , they desired 〈…〉 against the next day to appear before 〈…〉 ssioners ; and if he did justifie this , they 〈…〉 ●●mediately discharge him . This being agreed 〈…〉 him , and he was now in somewhat better taking then he had been , and I encouraged him to be●● up , and hope ●or the best . Well , said he , if I can but get my Chest of Clothes again I care not ; and I pray fail not to be with me to morrow , and get my Mistress to send me ten pound , that I may have occasion to ●e . We discoursed not much further for the present , but parted ; and I returning home to my Masters , asked leave to be absent for that night ; to which he consented ; and indeed , I had so much liberty , that I might stay out so long as I pleased , my Master using me rather like a Companion then a Servant . I now went to the Drusters Lady , and my quondam-acquaintance , and informing her of my business , she freely delivered me ten pound : But , said I , this is not all , I must have somewhat else before I go ; and thereupon called for Wine , and we drank so briskly , that we were both pretty merry : And it being now late , she asked me where I intended to lodge : I said , with her ; That must not be , replyed she : and indeed I had somewhat to do to perswade her to it ; but at length I did , and we lay together without any suspition , she going for a man. We often interchanged many amorous imbraces , and performed all those dalliances that two longing Lovers could expect , and made many protestations of a farther friendship : I telling her , that I believed her friend the Drugster would not be offended , if he knew of our enjoyments , and would as well impart to me , as he had done his chiefest secrets : Well , said she , if you gain his consent , you command mine , and I therefore leave it to your management ; and I suppose if you tell him of our former acquaintance , the greatest difficulty will be overcome . This I thought would be a ready way , as indeed it was : and since then we have had an equal enjoyment of her ; she having lain with one of us every night since , & during our Voyage hither , and is one of those two are in mens apparel , and is called George . But , said I , to return to my matter in hand , I the next morning parted from her , and with ten pound in my pocket , went to my friend , who was going before the Commissioners , whither I attended him ; and there he carried himself with so much free●om and ingenuity , that he was set at liberty , and promised more favours : he then made it his request , that he might have the Chest with his Cloaths : to this some consented , but others replyed , all must be appraised , and till then nothing could be disposed of , and therefore they demanded the key of him : this he refused ; but they told him , that then they would break it open : he seeing there was no other remedy , promised to bring it the next morning , and then desired they might be appraised , and delivered to him : and thus they parted ; and after he and I had drunk a Pint of Wine , we also parted . As I was going home I met with the Scrivener , who being desirous to know how matters went with the Drugster , would enforce a glass of wine on me ; when I told him all the matter , and omitting nothing , we judged that his five hundred pound was in that Chest with his Cloaths , and that now he would be stripped of it . But , said the Scrivener , I wish he were Master of that Money , and then I should propound a way to him to leave them , by making him partner in a design which I have lately projected , and is now near execution . I needed not use many words to perswade him to acquaint me with his design , wherefore after few words , he opened to me the matter thus : I have , said he , lived in so full an enjoyment of every thing here , that I am weary of it , being tied to one place ; and my spirit being of a soaring rambling temper , am desirous of novelty and change ; and to that end , I have some time since purposed , and lately contrived a way to leave England for some other place , and consulting with the Captain whom you know , have resolved for the East-Indies , whither he is now bound : and that I might not go away beggerly , ( for I never intend to return , unless very rich ) I have contrived a way how to carry good store of money with me , which I am now plentifully provided with . Yes , said I , I know it is no difficulty for you to procure what money you will , having the keeping of so much Cash . You are mistaken , said he , I intend not to wrong my Master of a penny , but have done it otherwise , the manner thus : My Master hath lately taken a Journey into the Country , and left the sole management of his affairs to me ; and resolving now to make use of my time , I have put my Project in Execution . I have been with one of our Money-Masters , and told him , that such a man , whom he knew to be a good man , that is , a rich man , wanted so much Money : this he readily consented , and I had the Money delivered me , only giving him a Bond , whereto I have counterfeited the name of him whom I told him was the Borrower , and my self , with one more was a witness : this have I done with two or three , who was confident would trust me ; and with two I have pretended they would borrow of one another two hundred pound apiece , and given each other a Counterfeit Bond ; and I cannot chuse but smile , to think in what a case they will both be when the time of payment comes , and instead of receiving , they will demand two hundred pounds of each other : it may be they will be so frollick as to go to law ; if they do , it will make good sport for the Lawyers . By this means , as I tell you , I have raised fifteen hundred pounds , which I have all ready by me in good Jocobusses , and am ready in ten days to march off with my Captain for the East Indies , now if the Drugster had his money in readiness , I should be glad of so good Company . I heard him with much delight , and from that very minute resolved to make one of the Company , and then offered him my service , which he kindly accepted of , and promised me that I should share all fortunes with him . I went back to my Mistress , and provided my self for my Voyage : and the next day the Drugster bringing his Keys , the Chest where his Clothes were was opened , and all in it were examined , but no Money found : I remember that every parcel of Cloaths they took , his eye was so fixed , that I thought would never remove it ; but at length all was pass'd over , and the Clothes prized at Twenty pounds : he earnestly entreated that he might have them ; but they replied , they could not do it without the consent of all , unless they gave so much out of their own pockets , and they had already lost too much by him . He finding that there was no way but one , took me with him to a Tavern , and conjured me to do him one kindness , which was , by all means to purchase these cloaths at any rate ; and giving me the ten pound , I had brought him , and five pound more , he knew not at present what to do for five or ten pound more , which he advised me to give for the Cloaths rather then fail . It was too far to go to his Ladies Quarters , wherefore I out of my own stock supplied that want ; and then going to the Creditors , with much ado , perswaded one o● them , who had the Keys , to sell me the Cloaths : he would not consent to this , unless I would give him thirty pound , which was ten pound more then they were appraised at : though the demand was unreasonable , yet I was forced to consent , and putting ten pound into his own pockets , willingly delivered the Cloaths to me , charging me not to discover what I gave . I did not much heed what he said , but gladly received the Chest and Key , and carried it to the Drugster , who with much impatience expected me , it being carried up into a private Chamber ; and the door fast locked , he unlocked ●he Chest , and took out the Cloaths , and drawing his Knife , unript the Collar of a Doublet , where were several pieces of Gold : Nay then , said he , we are still safe , and I defie Fortune and all her malice : in less then half an hour , with my assistance , we found out 500 l. in Gold , which was sewed up in several places about the Cloaths . This being done , I soon acquainted him with the Scriveners Project , and my resolution , to this he likewise consented , only , said he , I must not leave my honest Girl behind me . For that , said I , I question not but I shall have some influence to perswade her ; and thereupon I acquainted him with my former knowledge of her : Well , said he , since it is so , we will continue her a friend to us both , and not entertain any jealousie . In fine , we agreed not only in that particular , but in every thing else ; and the Scrivener being acquainted with all our designs , we so ordered the matter , that I , the Drugster , and our Mistress , and the Scrivener , and a Wench of his , whom he had likewise put into mans Apparrel , did all come on board with all our Treasure into our Captains Ship which was in the Downs , and bound for this place ; and so having good Winds , good Company , and every thing to our content , are all safely arrived in this place . CHAP. XXXII . He being now by the Relator brought acquainted with the Scrivener , Drugster , and the rest of his Companions ; they enter into discourse about the s●veral Factious Religions practised in England . THus did our Relator finish his long story , which was so filled with profit , as well as pleasure , that I accounted the time I had spent in hearing him the best bestowed of any : for I gathered so much variety of experien●es , that if I had any mind to prosecute my former course of life in cheating and Roguing , I might now soon profess my self to be my Arts Master , if I did but bravely follow those Examples he had related to me : but if they were any wise improved , as I had a Genius fit enough to be highly active , I might then out do all Example . These were my first thoughts , but I had not much time to spend in contemplation : but he having put an end of his discourse , I kindly thanked him for his great freedom used in his relation ; and told him , that since he had been so generous to me in unbosoming himself , I in requital did promise him a lasting friendship , and at our first leisure recounted some of my life to him , which I had hitherto concealed , that should give him satisfaction that I intended to use an absolute freedom with him . Thus did we contract a friendship , and it was now time to eat somewhat , the best part of the day having been spent in his long narrative : such as the house afforded we had , and after a repast , we concluded both to go on board of their Ship to find out his Companions ; he resolving to acquaint them with what had passed between us , and to let them know my quality , believing they would be well enough satisfied with what he had done , because they might have great occasion to make use of me . In this resolution we were preparing to go to the Ship , when the Scrivener and Drugster entred the house , enquiring for their Companion , who presenting himself to them , they desired him to walk out , that they might confer together : No , said he , let us take a Room here and discourse , which we may do with as much freedom as any where else : he urging it , they consented , and having a private Room and necessaries , after a cup or too of Wine , I left their company , on purpose to give my friend the Taylor ( who was called Gregory ) the opportunity of acquainting them with what had passed between us , which I suppose he did in very few words ; for within half an hour I was called for , and being kindly saluted by the two Gentlemen , was desired to sit down and make one of their Company . After a Cup or two of Wine more had passed , my friend Gregory Taylor thus spake to me : Friend , I have acquainted these my two Friends and Companions with our late discourse , and by that they know that all their affairs are known to you also ; I have told them what I know of you , and we are all sen●ible that your acquaintance may be very useful and necessary in all things , but much more your friendship ; Wherefore , as you say , I by my freedom with you have merited your acquaintance and friendship ; so I desire the same room in your b●●● f●r my friends , who by me desire it , and in requit you shall command ours ; and whatever we have , you shall be equally Master of with our se●ves . I made no long pause in replying to them , that they might command my love and friendship ▪ and in that my all , to render them the utmost testimonies ●hat I could . And thus did we all agree to have a friendly correspondency , and to conceal nothing of our affairs one from another . We then dran● off some more Wine , and though their two Ladies ●nd the Captain were absent , yet we remembred them in our Cups , and resolved the next day to dine all on board the ship : and at my importunity I so far prevailed , as that the Women might appear there in their own Female-Habits ; for it had now been a long time since I saw any European beauties . We after this , discoursed of many affairs of general consequence , as the manner of the Countries , and Governments both Eccle●ia●tical and Civil , in which we spent some time : but in regard all that can be said of that matter , is already related in the second Chapter of this second part , I shall therefore here forbear it : but it wrought much upon the spirit of the Drugster ; who having formerly been a great stickler in Religion , was amazed that there was so good a correspondence in Religion , which was as he imagined so barbarous : Well , said he , I find that most places enjoy a greater happiness in their conformities in Religion , then our Native Country of England ; for there instead of Unity and loving Conformity , they are rent and torn in pieces into many Factions ; and that hath been the principal occasion of the effusion of so much blood as hath been spilt of late years . and when I left England , there was a discontented party that was ready on all occasions to attempt a publique mischeif for their private interest , and only to maintain a private self-will'd fancy , which they term'd Religion . I my self ●or a long time bewitcht with a Fanatick Zeal ; and my Master being a man of the same Humour , had instill'd such Principles into me , that I had much ado to have any charity for any person that was in the right : but in time I finding a great deal of strictness in the precise practice , and that under pretence of much Zeal , there was more Covetousness then in any other perswasion ; I quitted that perswasion for another , and shifted so long , that I found my life but one continued Comedy of errors . In the end I went over to the Episcopal party ; and one of the most powerful reasons that I had to follow the Independant perswasion , was a Woman , my Mistresses Sister , as I suppose you have already heard . Yes , said I , this our friend hath given me satisfaction in that particular , and I very well approve of the revenge you had upon her : and as for my own part , I was once a very great Lover of the Ramble my self , but left it , out of a more generous consideration : for being in company with an Orthodox Parson , he told me that I was much mistaken in my opinions ; he gave me such a Character of a Libertine Zealot , as I knew to be true , and wholly put me out of conceit with the Faction : they were now all desirous to hear what was said to that particular ; and therefore I told them I would recollect my self , and give them the best account that I could , and such a one as I believed they would conclude with me , was not only ingenious , but true : and thereupon I began in this manner . The Character of a Libertine Zealot . TO describe him right , is a task like that of the Taylor who took measure of the Devil ; for there is nothing more like him upon Earth then he : He is lined with Covetousness , and covered with Hypocrisie , the Root and Cloak of all evil . Although at this time he carries a Bible , yet upon occasion he wears a Sword ; so that it is hard to say , whether he be of the Tribe of Simeon or Levi. He swallows contrary Oaths faster then the Eagles in the Tower do gobbets of flesh ; for the way to Hell , and the Conscience of a Libertine , are two broad things . He condemns the lawful Rites and Ceremonies of the Church ; and is more ravished with the squeaking of a Tythe-pig , then with the Musick of Organs . He appears at his Preachment ( like Aesops Crow ) in a dress of borrowed feathers ; for he preaches the works of other men , which are so much the worse for the coming out of his mouth , as Wares for being of the second hand . But it would grieve your heart to see how he racks the ancient Fathers , when he makes his own confession , and mangles the Modern Divines more barbarously then the Hang-man did the body of Hugh Peters : I am sure poor Priscian gets many a broken head . His Eloquence consists altogether in rayling , as though he had got his education at Billinsgate . In his discourse he runs on like a Mad-dog , foaming and open mouth'd , yelping at the Reverend Bishops ; and even accounts many of his own Brethren , the Sectaries , as mad as himself . Yet sometimes he perceives that his stuff is too short for the hour-Glass ; and then the wheels of his Rhetorick moove very heavily : he then spends much time in humming and spitting ; and with the wiping of his Nose , makes many a filty Parenthesis . As for his Text , he handles that as Moses did his Rod , when it was turned into a Serpent , he lays it down , and runs away from it : yet his Sermon lies all written before him , for the poor Copy holder in Divinity can do nothing without his Notes . Thi● his weakness he would have you think is his worth , for he chargeth men of abler parts with presumption : Yet when he prays , he shuts his Eyes , pr●f●ring Nonsense and Tautologies before the Divine Lyturgy . Vain Wretch , that dares not speak to men without Papers , and yet presumes to talk to God extempo e● As for his Cong●egation , he Saints or reprobate th●● , according to what they give him ; and like a Gypsie , tells good Fortune to none but those that cr●ss his hand with a piece of silver ; and by him , as well as by the Pope , you may be Canonized for mony : Thu● he is a meer Balaam ▪ that blesseth and cu●seth ●or rew●●d : he that opposeth him , acts the part of an Angel ; but he that submits to him is worse then an Ass If you consider his constancy , he is a kind of Religious Proteus , that is now ready to fawn upon that Power against which he hath so long bark'd . If therefore th●re be a Church in England which consists of men , surely , The Orthodox , faithful , constant Ministers , are the Doors , Windows , Pillars , Bells , and Candlesticks ; and the rest serve only for Weathercocks . It is confessed , that at the begining of the happy Reformation , he was a little stubborn ; perhaps , expecting a second War ; but now ( poor heart ) he hath learned to pray for his Majesty : but ( if you could hear the language of his Soul ) it is so , as impatient heirs pray for their rich fathers . There are two sorts of men , who having escaped a deserved pair of Gallows , prey for the King very strangly , that is , a Felon , whilst the Executioner burns his hand ; and a Traytor , whilst the Devil sears his Conscience . If you would know his name , you may find it subscrib'd to an ugly Petition ▪ for where Bradshaw was a Pilate that condemned , he was one of those Jews that cry'd Crucifie . He professes sorrow for the Martrydom of our late Soveraign ; but believe him not , for his hand helped to hale him to the Block . In a word , he is ( at best ) but a State Crocodile , and one that is Maudlin-drunk with the Kings blood . No more , but if you chance to meet with a Hue and Cry , you may tell them that he was lately in a Sequestred Parsonage . This Character was hugely pleasing to the Drugster , and indeed , he and his two Companions , the Scrivener and Gregory the Taylor , did all conclude that it was very ingeniously true , and gave much satisfaction to them in that particular ; and they all agreed , That the Dissenters from the Church , were the Murtherers of their Prince . They all so well approving of what had been said of these Varlets , I told them that I could likewise relate somewhat else of the same Gentlemans composure , who writ the Character ; and which I did conclude to be altogether as ingenious , and that it was a great novelty , having never as yet been in Print : they being earnest in their desires to hear me , I told them it was only the fifth Fable of Aesop Moralized ; and thereupon I began as follows : The Brutes would once go hunt : a nimble Crew Of those that dwell in Dens and Caves pursue And take a goodly Stag , who in his fall Proclaims sufficient booties unto all . Each Beast being troubled with their hungry maws , Were urging Clyents to their panting Iaws : Divide , says one ; another cries , cast lots ; With that , the Lyon Roars , Away ye Sots ; Who 's that who says divide ? pray be content , The first part 's mine , because most excellent ; And but one part ! nay , then you do me wrong , A second part is mine , because most strong ; And if you dare give credit to my word , Our pain and sweat have meritted a third . Now there remains a fourth , which is but small , And scarce worth speaking of amongst you all ; Which you may give me willingly ; and thus , Renew the friendship betwixt you and us . Be wise therefore ; is it more safe to move A Lyons anger , or confirm his Love ? For if you shew the least unwillingness , I 'll make you know the Senior of your Mess. This said , the Hunters were amaz'd thereat ; They knew their distance , and they durst not prate , But hung their tail betwixt their Leggs for shame , And went away more hungry then they came . This , said I , was the Fable , which though it had already admitted of many Paraphrases and Morals , yet was never yet in my opinion so fit and aptly moralized , as in what I shall here recite , which I did thus : But take away the brutes and clear the Stage ; Enter those mighty Nimrods of the Age : That cursed Crew that hunted for a Throne , And made a Babel in Religion . Lo here they come , that England did express To be more bruitish than a Wilderness : A wide-mouth'd yelping-cur , with a long ear , Of a Scotch brood , they call'd him — : Cerberus was his Syre , and for his dam , A Beast to whom Adam never gave Name . The solemn Covenant which he did take , Hun● like a pair of Couples on his Neck , The which he soon shook of ; nay more , the Dog Threw by his Conscience , 't was a tedious Clog . And then began the game : Actaeons hounds Ne're gave their Master half so many wounds , As these their King : it was a Hellish brood That took the sent of none but Royal blood . Loud was their cry , and nimble was their Race , A sadder hunting far then Chevy Chase. But at the length , the Royal Hart they take , Nor would they spare his life for Caesars sake ; But he must die , yet Noble — scorns His share , — onely got the Horns . But like the Lyon , Cromwel , that great man , Made of Behemoth and Leviathan , Thus speaks ; And do you think , my friends , to share That Prize in Peace , which I obtain'd in War ? Divide the spoil , and then as General , I Claim the first part due for my Excellency . A second part our able strength demands ; A third is mine , 'cause these victorious hands In all those Fights wherein we had to do , Were the most painful and most prosperous too . Thus our activity , and strength , and worth , Have wone three parts , there only rests a fourth ; Which we 'll with Love accept , but if deny'd , Our Sword shall teach you better to divide . Thus , as our Saviours Vesture , which might not Be cut in pieces , was obtain'd by lot : So our great Charles his power , which could not be Dissolv'd into an Aristocracie , Was Tyrant Cromwels share ; and now our whips Were turn'd to Scorpions : Now the grand Eclipse Began ; we saw no Sun for twice seven years , Onely two fatal Stars by turns appears : Protectorship , and Rumpish did prevail ; Nol was the Dragons-head , and they the Tail. But welcome Charles the Second , happy are we , That Britain's Monarchy's restor'd in thee ; If Cromwels life had put a period to 't , I 'd both begun and ended in a Brute . If they were pleas'd with the foregoing Characters , this Fable thus moralized , gave them much more satisfaction , and highly contented them ; for the truth contained in it , was undeniable , and it was expressed with much ingenuity , and they told m● , that certainly he that composed these two things , the Character and Fable , was a person very ingenious ▪ and able to convert any that were seduced in that Faction , unless they were very obstinate , as most of that Faction were : for having been Rebellious to their Prince , they made that saying true , That Rebellion is as the sin of Witchcraft , not to be repented of . In this discourse of the several Factions in Religion we spent some time ; and the Drugster being best acquainted with all of them , made a discourse of every one in particular from top to bottom : and when he came to speak of them , he told us , that he supposed there would now in a short time be some end of these growing Factions ; because , said he , that Quakerism is the last that is risen up , and it is now above twelve years since it began to be famous ; and though hitherto it encreases , yet they have not found any other novelty from that , as at first there was out of the first Religious faction : but there is not one that is produced by the Quaker ; so that it is hoped that will be the last of the Factions . I have heard of one small Faction that contradicts the Quakers , and that is one Muggletons Sect , who together with one Reeve , does pretend to be the two last Witnesses that are to come upon earth . Reeve is some time since dead , but Muggleton surviving him , is a great enemy to the Quakers , and their chief Opponent : for they questioning his Call , he for that cause Damns them ; and so absolute he is , that he says , after he hath Damn'd them , they cannot be saved , not by Providence it self . He professes in one of his writings , being an Interpretation of the 11 Chapter of the Revelations , That he , and he alone can give a true Interpretation of the Scripture , and unfold the whole Counsel of God , concerning himself , the Devil , and all Mankind from the foundation of the world to all Eternity ; and this was never revealed by any of the Sons of Men , untill now : Thus subscribing his Papers , By Lodowick Muggleton , one of the two last Commissionated Witnesses and Prophets of the only High , Immortal , Glorious God , Christ Iesus . We told the Drugster that this Sect of Mugletons we had not heard of ; and I being very desirous to be further acquainted with this opinion , asked him if he had read his Writings , Yes , said he , and there is as extraordinary matters and opinions handled and treated of therein , as any Sect that this last age hath produced : nay , and more absolute he would make himself then all others ; but he more especially writes against the Quakers , in a manner condemning them all in general . I desiring to be more particularly informed of his writings , he granted my request , and proceeded as followeth : This Book of his writing , said he , falling into the hands of one Edward Bourn a Quaker , is by him despised and cavilled at ; for , he said that he had perused it till he was weary with looking into it , for it was one of the dirtiest and confusedest pieces of work that ever he saw : and many other particular cavils had he against it ; which Muggleton hearing of , is so much offended , that he writes a Letter to him , dated in August 1662. and there he concludes : I write these Lines unto you Edward Bourn , knowing you to be of the seed of the Serpent , and appointed to eternal Damnation before you were born ; though you know it not , I do know it , by your speaking evil of that Doctrine which is declared by us the Witnesses of the Spirit , by calling it deceit , confusion and lies , with many more wicked speeches against the purest truth that ever was declared by Prophet or Apostle , because this is the Commission of the Spirit , and the last Witness of God on Earth . Therefore for these your hard sayings against the Doctrine of this Commission of the Spirit ; In obedience unto my Commission , I pronounce you cursed and damned , both Soul and Body , from the presence of God , elect men and Angels , to Eternity : neither shall that light within you , nor any God deliver you from this curse , but according to my word it shall be upon you , because you shall know , that God hath given power unto Man to curse you to eternity , and there is a Prophet of the Lord now in England . This Letter being thus subscribed , was Printed and sent to the said Edward Bourn . Also another to one Samuel Hooker and W. S. both Quakers , wherein amongst other things , he thus writes : First I decla●e as I am a Prophet and Messenger of the true God , that the people called Quakers , are not the ch●ldren of the most high God , but for the g●nerality o● them , th●y are children of the Devil , and are the very Seed of the Devil , and were begotten by him ; and I ( as I am an Ambassador ordained o● God by voi●e of Words ) can as truly say , that they a●e the Seed of the Serpent , and so the children of the Devil , as Ch●ist did to the Iews , when he said , that they were Serpents , yea Devils , and the Devil wa● their Father . So can I say by you Quakers , a●d ma●y thousands more as well as you , that you w●●e the children of the D●vil , that were begotten by him , and not begotten by Adam , who never came ●h●ou●h the loyns of Adam , though they came through the Womb of Eve. For this I know , Cain was the first born of the Devil , and Adam had no part in the begetting of him . And from this Cain cam● the Jews that Christ called Serpents and Devils . Much more he writ●s against the Quakers , and is as absol●te i● his sentence of Damnation against these t●o being almost in the same words as the former . H●s w●itings in general are filled with many strange Op●ni●n● a●d h●●i now the greatest Enemy of the Q●a●●rs , t●ll●ng th●m that they are but some of the m●l●ncho●ly o●t o● Ra●t●rs , and by ●alling from Ranti●g t● Quaking ▪ ar●●ow worse than before ; for be●●re ●hey were in ●he Wild●●●es● ▪ bu● are now return●d ba●k into Egypt , and so the ●u●ther off from entring into the Land of Canaan : and in one place he is pretty pleasant with the Quakers , for saith he , The greatest things that ever I heard the Quakers do , is to find fault with a piece of Ribbon , Gold-button , or a Bandstring , and such like , and to possess themselves with a melancholly spirit of Witchcraft , and so ●all into Witchcraft-fits , to lie humming and groaning , which doth fright the beholders ; so instead of those merry Devils which they had upon the Ranting score , where all was good , lying with their Neighbours wife , deflowring Virgins , coz●ning and cheating , and destroying every one in their outward Estate which did ente●tain them , and now that Devil is cast out , now they are grown in as much extream on the other side ; for now they are grown so precise and exact for Apparel and for words , no words must be placed out of joynt , so that no man can almost tell how to deal with them ; and this melancholly Devil hath cast out the Ranting Devil , which makes them so proud and stiff necked , thinking themselves that they are better than other people , when they are worse ; for they are possessed with the Spirit of Witchcraft , which makes them two-sold more the children of the Devil then they were before ; which none can discover but this Commission of the Spirit ; neither did I ever hear by any which heard the Quakers speak , that they did ever Preach any sound Doctrine , but only exhort people to hearken to the light within them ▪ which is a very low and easie thing for every ordinary understanding to comprehend ; and this is the cause there is such a multitude of men and women fall into it , &c. And thus did he proceed , his whole writing being to pull them down , and set himself up . Soon after the Printing of these Letters , I met with a Quaker , an acquaintance of mine , and asked of him whether he had seen these Letters of Muggletons , which went by the Name of The Neck of the Quakers broken , or cut in sunder by the two-edged sword of the Spirit , which is put into my mouth . He replyed , Yea , he had . What thinke●t thou , said I , of those of your perswasion in general , and more particularly of those persons whom he hath damn'd ? I think him to be a deluded person , said he , for I have known him long , and also his fellow Prophet Reeve , who is since dead : and I remember this one passage , that one of our perswasion did calmly discourse with Reeve about many principal things of his Judgment and Opinion : and though they did not agree to every thing , yet Reeve said he , believed he would be converted , for that he was confident he was of the seed of Faith , and not of that of the Devil ; only that his eyes were not yet opened , but in time they would . And thus they parted . Soon after Muggleton ( who was always more vigilant than Reeve ) being affronted by some Quakers , according to his custome , pronounced the sentance of damnation against them ; which the Quaker , who had discoursed with Reeve hearing , and meeting with Muggleton , told him he had done very ill in being so rash as to damn them : And further , charged him with wandring up and down to make Sects . To this Muggleton replyed , It is not I , it is those of the Quakers that wander up and down ; as those that went to New England , and Iohn Perrot unto Rome , to get the Pope and his Bishops to be Disciples of Christ ; and there to be puni●hed in his Body : and when he came home again , to be damn'd to Eternity by me for his pains ; because he went by the light within him , and was not sent by the voice of God without him : Therefore eternal damnation will be his reward for going without a Commission from God ; and so will all the Ministers of the Quakers . And whereas you say that my mouth is full of cursing , and that I shall reap of the same : Likewise you say , that I am out of Christs and the Apostles Doctrine , that said , Bless , and Curse not ; with many other sayings : As for my Mouth being full of Cursing , that is my Commission ; neither do I curse any but Devils , which are appointed for it of God ; and there is never a one that I have cursed , that shall escape that Curse which I have denounced upon them ; neither will any God deliver them from it : for I do curse none but the Seed of the Serpent , who had his Curse denounced upon him and his Seed , at the beginning by God himself . To this discour●e of Muggletons , our Brother the Quaker making some angry reply , in contradicting what he had said , Muggleton did for that cause presently pronounce the sentence of Damnation , alledging that he was of the Seed of the Devil . Thus , said the Quaker , though Reeve said he was not of the Seed of the Devil ; yet Muggleton his fellow Prophet said he was , and therefore proceeded against him to damnation . Now , whether he be damned or saved , judge you : And therefore , said he , I think it matters not much what he says , because they thus contradict one another . And thus we parted , and I concluded , that as it was no great matter what Muggleton said or did ; so there was no great heed to be taken with what was , or should be said or done by the Quakers : I believing and knowing that what Muggleton had said of them as to their humours , and falling from Ranting to Quaking , and such like particulars , to be true ; though I believed him , and all other Factions to be alike deluded and mistaken in the general . And , continued he , though this Muggletons opinions and Doctrine be thus strange , and he a very inconsiderable unlearned fellow , being by Profession a Taylor , yet he hath gained many to his belief , who give him much respect ; but he takes no money of them , only he gets hi● writings Printed , and distributing them among his people , they pay him for them ; but in the main , he works at his Trade for a lively-hood : and he hath , as well as the Quakers , su●fered Imprisonment , but hath been released and savoured , as I have heard by some persons of Honour , who are well willers to him . Thus did the Drugster discourse of the Factions , and we with him did hope and conclude , that since there was no greater a growth in Faction , there having been no new ones for some years last past , that it was more than probable that they would consume and moulder away of themselves . The forenoon being spent wholly in the large Narrative of the Adventures of my now fellow Companions and Guests , and the most of the Afternoon in this Discourse , it was time now to think of parting ; and they being mindful of the Entertainment they were to give me the next day on board of their Ship , being out of my house , furnished with some necessary provisions , all parted from me . CHAP. XXXIII . He is treated by the Travellers on board of their Ship , where he sees the two women Travellers : he invites and entertains them at his house ; where upon enquiry and discourse , he discovers the two Women to be of his acquaintance when in England . MY Company being thus parted from me , I began to consider all the passages that had been this day related to me ; and after a serious contemplation of them , I concluded , that I might place this day as the most remarkable in all my life ; for I was acquainted with so much variety of experiences , as I had in a manner been hitherto wholy ignorant of ▪ what had happened to me in the former part of my life , having been trivial in comparison of what I had now lately heard : and I concluded , that if I should have travelled to all parts of the world to have found out Companions fit for me ; I could not have been better accommodated with those that should have been so agreeable to my natural inclination , then those whom fortune had now brought to me . I had made it my resolve , to make my li●e as comfortable as I could , according to the old saying amongst those of my quality Though a short life , yet a merry : and I saw Providence had put such an opportunity into my hands , that I had all things provided for me , and nothing before their arrival was wanting but such a Society . For I had a plentiful estate , but that gave me little content , being without the usual Society of the Wits ; and I now was likely not only to enjoy that in a full measure , but also there was some female Company , the two Lasses in mens apparel , who I understood were good Girl , and such I hoped as would not prove hard-hearted , and deny one of their Country-men the usual civility of their enjoyments : I did not much question it , because indeed I was so much in favour with Venus , that I was hardly ever refused that courtesie by any of her Votaresses . I told my wife , there was a great likelihood of much profit to be gained by these Guests , who were resolved to take up my house wholly for their quarters , and therefore I ordered all things to be provided in ample manner for their constant entertainment : for though I was now rich enough , yet I knew not how soon fortune might turn tail upon me , and therefore knowing that my Guests were all well provided with Moneys , I was resolved to put in with them for a share of it : But I had no thoughts of wronging them , or putting any trick upon them ; for it is accounted a very great crime in the greatest proficient of Roguery , to cozen or cheat his fellow Thief , and a thing seldome done amongst them . I had now some thoughts of leaveing my black wife and that Country ; and when these my new acquaintance should leave this place for another , as I suppose they would , then to go with them , for there was nothing there that gave any great invitation to stay in it , my inclination leading me rather to visit some European Country . These considerations took me up some time ; and night coming on , I betook me to my Cot , where I took my ordinary repose ; and the next morning being come , I apparelled my self the richest that I could ▪ that I might add some grace to my person , being to vi●it two of my Country-women , in whose favour I was desirous to get some place . Being thus accoutred , I went to the Sea-side , and with the help of a Boat was soon aboard a Ship : where I was welcomed by the Captain and the rest of the Company , and by them conducted into a great Cabin , where was no other Company but the two Women ; who now being apparelled in their Womans habit Ala mode d' Anglois , I was very well pleased , not having for a long time seen any thing so acceptable and pleasant : I had not forgotten our English Fashion of saluting them , neither were they backward in rising and meeting me in order thereto : that done , I placed myself between them ; I soon began a discourse to them , which I knew would not at all be displeasing , and that was commending their Beauties , telling them , that if the present Emperour of the Country , the Great Mogul , did but understand what a treasure he had in his Country by their arrival , that he would quickly secure it to himself , and hinder the prosecution of their Voyage any further . To this they reply'd , that they did not believe he would see any thing in them that should merit such an esteem : but , added one of them , If he should do so , and be never so desirous of my Company , yet I am better satisfied ( in the Society that I am at present in possession of ) then if I were courted and served by the greatest Prince upon Earth . To this so generous speech , I reply'd , that those persons who had the honour to be her servants were in that very happy . These Complements being pass'd drink was brought , and after that Victuals , which we had in great plenty , there being no want of any thing that could he had at the best mans table in England ; and all the dishes of Meat were dress'd in the English fashion , by a Cook of that Country . After Dinner we fell again to discourse , the Women being very desi●ous o● Novelties , and to be acquainted with the customs of the Country , especially of those used by Women ; but when I told them of th●t Custom of the better sort of Country-women , how they usually accompanied their Husbands in death , by burning their living with their Husbands dead bodies , they were not very well pleased therewith , accounting it great folly ; for , said they , it cannot possibly do their Husbands any good , and why they should so destroy themselves out of a complement , was foolish . To pass through , and accompany a Husband or friend whilst living in all dangers , is what is befitting ; but there being no remedy for death , nor no present enjoyment after death , thus to cast away themselves , is ridiculous . We allowed of their Opinions , as grounded upon reason : I asked them how they liked our Men , the Inhabitants ; Not at all , said one of them as a Husband or Bed-fellow , but if there were no other men to be had , we must be contented with them rather then none , as well as you are with the Native-women . Various were our Discourses in which we entertained one another with much pleasure , having a lusty bowl of Punch still standing by us , whi●h as we drank off , we renewed , and at some of our frolicks , one of the great Guns were discharged . I had ey'd both these women very curiously , and did imagine , that I had formerly seen them , and had some acquaintance with them . I knew one of them more particularly by the tone of her Voice , but it having been so long a time since I had seen either , I could not call them to mind ; I did not at all think it covenient to ask them any particular questions , referring that to a greater privacy . I being now acquainted with most of their transactions , they asked my advice in disposing their moneys , and selling their Commodities , and what to buy to turn to the be●t advantage : To all these Questions I gave them the best answers I could , to their satisfaction ; and now night coming on , I desired to leave them , and invited them all to my house the next day , they not only concluded on that , but agreed that the Women should constantly take my house for their quarters , it being more convenient then on board of the Ship , they coming in their mens apparel , and I providing for them with all privacy ; to this I agreed , and after a fresh Cup of Wine , and my ordinary salutes to the women , I left them and went home to my wife , who at my desire provided all things necessary , not only for the next days entertainment , but for the future conveniency of my lodgers who were not to be known to her for other then men . The next day they came , and we were again all merry but some occasions calling away the men , the women were left alone with me . I was now resolv'd to enquire whether they had never known me : they both replied , Not that they at present knew of ; but they both said , that certainly they had seen me in England , but at present they could not remember where , wherefore they prayed me to give them some account of my condition and quality when I lived in England : To this I reply'd , that I had indeed been of all conditions , and a very rambler , and it was a great chance , but if they had been in any publique house of Entertainment , that I might have seen them there , to this they both answered , that they had for some time been publique enough in entertaining Gentlemen in their Company with much freedom : But , said one of them , who was the Scriveners Mistress , I have certainly seen and known you before I undertook any such courses , for if I be n●t mistaken , you are the man did first deceive me , and therefore , I pray , tell me , if in your travels in Englan● , you did not light into a Farmers house , and d●d some kindnesses o● discourtesies to his Daughter , and then le●t her . I hearing her say this , after some small pause , recollected my self , and seriously viewing her , concluded he● to be the very Farmers Daughter whose Maidenhead I bereaved her of , and in requital left her , and gave her no other satisfaction then a paper o● Verses . I being now resolv'd in my opinion , ran to her and embracing her , beg'd pardon for that affront , telling her , that it was onely one of those ma●y youthful tricks whereof I had been guilty . She at fi●st out of sence of the affront I had done her , could not forbear weeping ; but I gave her so many good words , that in fine , she was well enough satisfied , and lovingly permitted me to embrace and kiss her . The other woman hearing that my acquaintance with her Companion began with the loss of her Virginity , mus●d and blushed , and very strictly beholding me , said , And truly , if I be not mistaken , I purchas●d my acquaintance with you with the same loss : but I was deceived by you in a more subtil manner then this my Companion ; for she knowing you to be a man , permitted you to her bed ( as she hath related to me . ) But if you are the person that I mean ( as I now think you are ) you became my bedfellow by a mistake ; for not only I , but many others of the Family believed you to be a Woman . I hearing her say this , fixed my eys upon her , but could not perfectly remember her : but to the discourse she made , I gave this answer ; Truly Madam , I have been o●ten guilty of Female frauds ; and during the whole course of my life , I endeavoured chiefly to have the Company o● F●males ; and I hope if you were one of those with ●hom I ●ay at a Boarding-School , where I went for a S●rvant-Maid , that you will forgive me that fact ; for i● it were not there , I then cannot tell where I should have so much happiness as to enjoy you . There it was , replyed she , where I lost my Virginity and honour , and which I have so often repented of ; for I was then well beloved of an indulgent Father , who for that fact cast me off ; and ever since I was forced to wander like a Vagabond , and by infamous courses to gain a livelyhood , and with this she wept . I was much amaz'd at these two adventures , and indeed pittied them both ; but more especially the last , whom I had so long since deceaved ; and seeing her tears , I kneel'd down to her , begg●ng her ●ardon , and telling her that what was p●ss'd was not to be prevented or help●d ; but if she plea●●d I would for the future be he● humble servant in ●ss●●ting her in what I might . To this she told me , that she knew there was no remedy for what was passed , but that the remembrance of that first misfortune could not but sensibly afflict her , but she should throw off that sorrow , and make the best of a bad matter ; and thank providence , that since it was no better , that it was no worse : and as she had hitherto been well contented with her condition , so she intended to frame her spirit and mind to be so for the future ; and that now she had the satisfaction she had often desired , in seeing that person who first tasted and crop'd her Virgin Flower . Her Companion did likewise say , that it was the greatest satisfaction she had ever received since the loss of my company , that she had again found me ; for ( notwithstanding my base and abrupt leaving her ) she had still preserved a more cordial love for me , then for any person she had ever since then enjoyed . The other said the same , and though I was partly unknown to her when I lay with her , as being disguised in womans apparel , yet she still had me in her memory , and often wished for the sight of me : And from this discourse we all concluded , that though a Woman had many Husbands or Servants , yet she seldom loved any man with so much affection as him with whom she first tryed and tasted the effects of love , and who had her Virginity . Well Ladies , ( said I ) I am so much bound to you for preserving an affection for me , who have so unworthily deserved it , That I shall dedicate the remaining part of my life wholly to obey and serve you . As for that profession of your love now , said the Drugsters Mistress , ( who was the youngest , and her , who I had enjoy'd at the Boarding-school ) it matters not much , for we have had experience enough in the World to shift for our selves ; and neither are we unprovided of those who will take care for us , and save you that trouble . No trouble at all , replyed I , but an honour , which I pray you to bestow on me to serve you in any degree . They were very much surpriz'd , and so was I at this adventure : And I thought it was best to talk no more of it at present , wherefore I call'd for some Wine , and such Banqueting cheer as I had , and desired them to participate of it , which they did ; and so I at present diverted them from that profound melancholly wherein they were brought upon this occasion . At length they again reassumed their jovial temper ; and beginning to be a little frollick , I assisted them in that humour : but I was very earnest to know their adventures , being , as I supposed , concerned therein , they being both with Child by me when I left them ; I therefore begg'd the satisfaction to know what did become of the Fruit of our enjoyments , those Children which I suppose they had by me ; for I told them I was not unsensible of the condition I left them in when I parted from them . Truly reply'd the Drugsters Mistress , who was named Mary , I know not at all what became of mine since it was born . And said the other , who was the Scriveners Mistress , and was named Dorothy , and had been the Farmers Daughter , I know but little of mine since it was a year old . I was desirous to hear of both of them their several fortunes , or rather misfortunes since I first knew them ; and they agreeing to give me that satisfaction , it was concluded that Mrs. Mary , with whom I had first to do , should first relate her story : and therefore she began as followeth . CHAP. XXXIV . Mrs. Mary relates how that she being got with Child at the Boarding-School , is renounced by her Parents but provided for by her Aunt , where she lay in of a Daughter , after which she is courted in way of marriage by a Gentleman , who hearing of her mischance , instead of marriage abuses her ; and being engaged in a quarrel about her , leaves her to shift for her self , &c. IN the discourse that I shall make to you concerning those accidents or misfortunes that have befallen me , I shall neither be reserved nor tedious , but plain and short ; for I have no reason to disguise any of my actions to two such persons , who are so generally welt acquainted with the general affairs of the World , and who have a particular knowledge of me : Though , sa●d she to me , I must needs confess I received very mu●h pleasure in the first imbraces I had with you ; when , though I supposed my self in bed with one of my own Sex , yet I found to the contrary , and then tast●d the pleasures of a Male Bedfellow : though , said I , the sweets of that converse were delightful at pre●ent : yet I have through that onely occasion suffere● many cross●s , and been accompanied with much affliction and trouble , which soon overtook me . I was very young , not being above sixteen years of age when I first lay with you ; and so innocent I was a● tha● age , that I did not imagine that I should h●ve ●ound so sudden an alteration in my body , as w●● thereby occasioned ; neither did I conc●ive what would be the effects thereof , till some of my other companions , who had lain with you before me , were di●cov●red to be sick , and the occasion of their dist●mper being enquired into , it was ●ound they were with Child , and th●n I did guess my self to be in the same condi●ion ● suppose you are not ignorant of what you had done , and therefore took your flight ; but though you con●rived your e●cape cunningly enough by puttin● on ●●ns apparel , yet it was observed , and you w●re ●ollow●d so narrowly , that we supposed you had be●n ●a●●en , but it proved otherwise . Yes replyed I , when I made ●y escape , I made for London , and being ha●ited in a suit of Cloaths of my Mistress●s Sons , I wa●●●a●ful o● being discovered and known by them , an● therefore meeting with a young man of my a●quaintance : I remember , I perswaded him to exchange Cloaths with me , and so I escaped ; but I would gladly know how be came off . Truly , replied Mrs. Mary , that story was somewhat strange , for the Constable who seized him , had order not to make much noise in the matter , but only to secure him at present in his own house , which he having done , came to our Boarding-School , and acquainted our Mistress that he had secured the party ; this being known , my Mistress sent her Son whose Cloathes were stollen to the place ; where instead of finding our maid Iane ( for by that name , I remember you went , when you lived with us ) he saw a strange young man in his Cloaths , though he was told before you had his cloaths on , which he yet saw before him , yet he knew you well enough , not to be so mistaken : for the party that was in that habit was nothing like you ; he therefore thoug●●hat all that had been reported to him was false , till he had made a further enquiry of the young man your friend , who was first asked , where he had those Cloaths : he not knowing any reason he should deny any thing of the truth , freely and fully acknowledged that he had them in exchange of his own , of a young man his friend ; and being asked many other questions , as whether he knew you , and knew you to be a man , and where this Exchange was made ? He fully resolved his Examiners of all questions , and proved the Exchange of Cloaths by the people of the house where the exchange was made . My Mistresses Son being returned with this answer to his Mother , it caused great wonder in all who were not privy to your disguize , but there being about seven or eight of us , who were knowing of that secret , and were known to lie with you , we were all privately examined , and some of us having been sick for some time before , and now strictly examined of the cause , and whether we knew any thing of your disguise , and whether you were Man or Woman ; we could not hide or deny our knowledge thereof . Upon this discovery , our Mistress ( though she was termed a very discreet person ) was so outragious , that we thought she would have lost the ordinary use of her Sences ; and several revenges she propounded to take of you , not thinking you were escaped her power : but when she understood that you were gone , she caused all privy search and enquiry to be made after you , but to no purpose . The young man , your friend , who had been secured , was discharged , as being found wholly innocent of the crime ; and neither was he deprived of his cloaths , but had them freely given to him , and a good sum of money promised him if he could find and secure you : but th●●●h much endeavour was used to find you , yet I could never hear any thing of you , till this late encounter . But to proceed in my story , our Mistress upon second thoughts resolved to keep this business private for some longer time , to see how many of those seven or eight with whom you had lain , would prove with Child ; and it was not long before she found that five of the number were pregnant , whereof I was one . How she ordered the matter with the rest , I know not ; but for my own part , my father being made acquainted with my misfortune , wholly refused to take any care or notice of me ; neither have I ever since seen his face ; for though I supposed he loved me well enough , yet I had a Mother in Law , who might perswade him to flight me , and made use of this occasion to throw me off : but though I was thus cast off by my Father , yet I had an Aunt , who was Sister to my own Mother , who came and visited me ; and finding that what was past could not be helpt , took me home with her to her house ; where after the usual time of Womens breeding and bearing children , I was delivered of a Daughter , which was soon after its birth sent further into the Country to be nursed : and I suppose it was carried thus privately , in hopes to soulder up the crack that might be in my reputation , which though it did for the present , yet it soon after brake out again . For a young Gentleman who lived in the next Town to that where my Aunt dwelt , having seen me , fell in love with me , and often waited on me at my Aunts , and took many opportunities of meeting me abroad . Though I liked and loved him well enough , and could have been pleased to have entertained his love with liking at the first offer of it , yet I was commanded by my Aunt to stand off , and be coy in my entertaining of him , lest , as she said , he might by my freeness suspect me of lightness ; for the matter had been so privately carried in my lying in , that it was not known to him nor any , but some few in the House ; and to all others I passed as a Virgin. I taking this advice of my Aunt , gave him but indifferent entertainment ; so that he who was passionately in love with me , devised all ways he could to woe , please and win me ; and to that end , he not only presented me with many Gifts , as marks of his affection , but also ( according to custome ) and that so largely , that she promised him all her assistance , and gave him notice of all opportunities whereby he might wait on me , and please me . All things were now brought to a very good pass , and my Aunt had so prudently mannaged this affair , that my Father was content to part from a considerable sum of money for my advancement which was ●o the full satisfaction of the Gentleman who courted me . There wanting nothing now to conclude this ●ffair but the accomplishment of a few days , in which ●ll Writings were to be Sealed , and the Wedding to be consummated ; when all was done , and in that I undone , by the treachery and pe●fidiousnes● o● thi●●y Servant maid . For she having received Gifts 〈◊〉 the young Gentleman , and I having angred her in a trivial matter , she to be revenged on me , did a●qua●nt my Suitor with my condition , and that I should not die with my first Child , for he should be a ●●ther ●he first day of Marriage . Although at he● fir●t dec●aring this matter to him , he could not 〈◊〉 re●●i● thereto , yet she affirmed the same with s● m●n● and so earnest asseverations , that he was confirm● 〈◊〉 t●at belief , and therefore enjoyning her to ●e●●esie 〈◊〉 assistance , and to that end pres●nting her with som●what that was considerable , he left her ; and now 〈◊〉 resolved to deceive me , as I intended him , he ordered his affairs accordingly , and to that end he caused some delay to be used in the Writings . We being now , as I thought , as good as Man and Wife , I entertained him with much f●eedom , and he courted me with less observance , coming now closer to me in his salutes and embraces : I was so pleased with him in all his actions , that I became wholly at his Devotion , and therefore without the consent and knowledge of my Aunt , we went together out of the Town to a Merry making of several of his Acquaintance , where we stay'd somewhat late , and he having caused me to drink to a good height , made a halt by the way , and we went into an Inn of his acquaintance , he pretending somewhat was amiss in one of his Horses shoes : here we having privacy , he attempted to be more free with me than ever , and prevailed so far with me , that he had the examining of my Placket , with more freedom then modesty would allow of ; but though he would have proceeded further , yet I refused it ; he seeing this , desisted , and we again remounte our Horses , and he conducted me safely to my Aunts : but although it was very late , yet she sat up , and expected me ; and expressed her self very angry with him for keeping me out so unseasonably : he did not well rellish her words , but reply'd somewhat tartly to her again , which encreased her anger , and raised it to some passion , and so in anger they at that time parted , he riding home to his own house . I was likewise suffi●iently school'd by my Aunt , but I excused all with soft answers , and pleading obedience , which I thought I was bound to pay him , being our Marriage was so soon to be celebrated . My Lover was resolved to make use of that dayes experience of my easiness , and my Aunts anger , which he was well enough pleased should continue , and therefore forbore coming to visit me ; but he sent a M●ssenger to my Maid ( who had betray'd me ) to give him a meeting : she obeyed his summons , and there , and then was my ruine contrived ; for it was agreed between them two , that she should perswade me to be ruled by him in every thing , without acquainting my Aunt any more with my proceedings ; and a Letter was written , wherein he express●d a continuance of his love , and desires of mine , and for a proof thereof , he desires me to provide my self to meet him at a place appointed , which I did , and there we concluded to go for London together , where he promised to Marry me without any more delays . I believing him in every thing , ( being perswaded thereto by my treacherous servant ) took only some few necessaries with me , and so went to him . And thus leaving all , went with him to London , where when we were Arrived , he went to some Lodgings , where he had provided , as he said , for himself and wife . I was at first contented with the discourse and name of Wife ; but when Bed-time came , I was not fully satisfied to go to Bed with him ; which , though I at first opposed , yet in the end , after many protestations of his next days performance of Marriage , I consented to , and thereby agreed to my undoing ; for the next day , instead of Marriage , he went out in the Morning , leaving me only with the Landlady of the house , and returned not in two days ; and then he pretended he had been in great vexation , for that very morning he left me , he being going to speak with a Priest to Marry us , he was met with by a person , to whom he was a little indebted , who basely trappan'd and Arrested him , and he was forc'd to be in the custody of Bayliffs ever since , till he had perswaded a Friend to lend him some moneys , which together with what he had of his own , he said he had paid to his debtor , and so was discharged . And now , said he to me , I have sent home for some more monies , which I know will be brought me in two days time , and then I shall put an end to this business of our Marriage Although I seeemed discontented with what he told me , and did begin to believe that he would abuse me ; yet I knew it was to no purpose to be very angry , and onely caused him to give me fresh protestations of the honesty of his intentions , and that as soon as ever his money was come , he would fulfil all my desires . Thus was I forced to be contented with what he said , and to comply with him in all his desires : for we lay together ; but I kept within doors very privately , refusing to be seen by any body , till such time as our Wedding should be over . But though two or three days , and a week was now past since he pretended he had sent into the Country for money , yet there came no returns : at which I was very much discontented , he also seeming dissatisfyed , I then told him , that I had brought a small sum of money with me , which I supposed would be sufficient to pay the charges of that occasion . He asked me how much I had , I told him about 10 l. I remember he was somewhat blanck , and at a nonpluss at this proposition : but he soon recovering himself , told me that he expected 100 l. to be brought him , and that would be little enough to defray all the charges he intended to be at ; for he purposed to lay it all out in Cloathes for me and himself , that we might appear the more splendidly , not only to some friends in London , whom he purposed to visit soon after marriage , but also in the Country whither he intended in short time to return to demand my portion , and settle all things according to the agreement of our friends and as for the small sum of 10 l. he told me I would have occasion to lay it out in trivial things on that occasion . Thus was I put off at this time ; and indeed so often afterwards , that I in plain terms told him , that I supposed he intended to abuse me , he being resolved to stand the brunt of all my exclamations at this time , did not endeavour , as formerly to pacifie me , but rather provoked me to say more , and be more angry with him , which I was , and reproached him with the abuse he had done me . He having heard the utmost of what I could say , in short told me , that he was the abused party ; for should he marry me , as he intended , he should have a greater charge to maintain then I told him of , for he had u●derstood that I was Mother of a Child ; and so the abuse that I would put on him was double : I was so surprised with what he said , that I was more dead then alive , and could not for a long time speak to him ; and when I attempted it , I knew not what to say for my self , for he ●i●●ctly told me , that he was acquainted with every particular of that my misfortune : and thus having said , he left me . Many and sad were the thoughts that I entertained in my mind , and I perceived my self to be miserable : for to return to my Aunt , I knew it would be to no purpose , I having thus abused her in my last leaving her . Therefore I concluded it was my best course at present to comply with the desires of my first Lover , not knowing whom to flee to for refuge ; wherefore at his return home , I began to him in tears to lament my sad condition , begging pardon for what was past , cleerly confessing the truth of all my former misfortune , and that I would for the future be very obedient and constant to him in all things : he gave me the hearing of what I said , and told me all should be well ; but I could never find him after that inclinable to marry me , only putting me off with one pretence or other and having a full enjoyment of me already , cared for no more : and now to content and please him , I must not only entertain several of his friends at home at our lodging , but also wait on him abroad ; and instead of a Wife , I passed for his Couzen. Amongst other per●ons that came to visit him , there was a Gentleman of good quality , who being of his intimate Acquaintance , was frequent at our Lodgings : he taking his opportunity to find me alone , made a tender of his Love and Service to me , and offered me his assistance in every thing I should command him . I finding that he understood somewhat of my condition already , and believing it would be to no purpose to conceal any thing from him , did make him an exact and true narrative of my misfortunes : he was much troubled at the recital of things so strange , but did comfort me the best he could , promising me his best assistance in putting his friend on to perform his promise of Marriage : for , said he , I know little reason he hath to deny or refuse it . For your misfortune at the Boarding-School , was so subtile a business , that you cannot w●ll be blamed for it . This Gentleman accordingly did endeavour to possess my hoped for Husband with that opinion , and to perswade him to marry me but all in vain ; for he had now all the sweets he could expect from me , having lain with me for above a month together , and in that time I endeavoured with all artifice I could , to give him all possible content : but he was now cloy'd ; and therefore told his friend , that for his Mistress he intended to keep me , but never to have me for a Wife . I was neer distracted when this answer was told me ; but the Gentleman did again comfort me , promising that he hoped in short time to put all things to rights again . I seeing it was to no purpose to be angry , resolved to bear all things with patience , and seem to be frollick , which was to a good height ; and this Gentleman seeing me in so merry a humour , was desirous to put in for a share in the pleasure of my enjoyments , and to that end now courted me indeed : he had been so civil to me in these late transactions , that I could not hansomely refuse him any thing ; but however , I for some time held out against all his loving importunities ; but he having an absolute freedom in our lodging , so opportunity , that he won me to his embraces , and had a full possession of me . Thus was I enjoyed by two men ; but my last Lover was very cautious in keeping this his enjoyment from the knowledge of his friend , and we took opportunities in his absence to renew our pleasures . But at length we grew so bold in these practices , that my first Lover discovered us , and waching his opportunity by hiding himself in the Chamber , he took us in the manner . He discovering himself , used many outragious speeches to me and my Companion , as , that he abused him , in perswading and urging him to marry with one who was his prostitute : the other flew out in high expressions ; and being valorous enough ; they drew their weapons , and before I could get any to interpose and hinder their fight , my new Lover was wounded , and that so desperately , that he fell ; the other seeing that , and supposing him killed , fled , and so left me : and my wouned friend being visited by Chirurgions , recover'd a little , but desired to be removed to his own Lodgings lest he might be prejudiced by the various reports that would run upon this occasion ; I was likewise willing to have it so , as thinking it most covenient . Thus was I left alone , and I , who lately had two Lovers and Servants , was now left without any ; for my old friend came no more after me , and my new Servant who was wounded , was forced for his health-sake to be carried into the Country . Now did I find my self truly distressed , for I wholly retired my self , not seeing any man , and was only accompanied by my Landlady , and another ancient woman who frequented her house . In vain did I expect the return of either of my Lovers , and almo●t all my Moneys was gone , in Diet , and for payment of Lodging . My Landlady proposed several ways and courses for me to take , as to send to my first friend who brought me thither , which I did , but could not hear of him ; she would have had me send to my Aunt , but I wholly refused so to do , being resolved to bear with any necessities , rather then again to apply my self to her . The other old woman , who , I told you , frequented our house , did then put in some words to the Discourse , and my Landlady leaving us together , she told me , that if I would be ruled by her , she would so order matters , that I should want for nothing , and live the most pleasantest life in the world . I who was now miserable enough , was well enough pleased to hear of pleasure , and bid her say on : She thereupon told me , that it was great pity that so delicate a beauty as mine should be closeted up , and that I should spend that time in tears and lamentations , which might not only be a pleasure to my self , but many others who would love me with a great deal of passion ; and whereas hitherto I had only been reserved to serve the pleasures of one man , or two at the most , and for that I had only reaped sorrow and trouble ; that I might command many , who would , not only please and serve me , but I should command their purses , by having money enough at my own dispose . Many words to this purpose she uttered , and many arguments she used . Though at the first I did not understand what she aimed at , yet by several Questions , which she answered me , I found she would have me prostitute my Body for my pleasure , and to gain a livelihood ; and in fine , should get my living with the hands I sate on . Though I had tasted man , as first with you , and afterwards had two at a time , my two late Lovers , and by that was induced to desire more of the same pleasures , yet I was extreamly unwilling to prostitute my body to every fellow that should bring mony in his hand ; and this I suppose I must do , if once I undertook that course . Thus I reasoned with this old woman , but she told me . No , I should not do so , for I should only have my choice of what and whom I liked , and few of such would be profitable enough to maintain me in a splendid Garb ; and to this she gave me so many reasons , that I consenting to leave my Lodgings , went with her to the place where she conducted me . CHAP. XXXV . She gives an account of her being entred into a Bawdy house , where she received great profit by the sale of her Maidenhead . I Being now come to the place intended , was entertained by a Grave ancient Matron , in whose face might be seen the ruines of no common beauty ; and the defects of that being occasioned by age , was sufficiently supplied in a deportment and garb that was not common , though it were very pleasant . She gave me many welcomes , and told me that she had a very great respect for me , having heard of my misfortunes , and hoping that she might put an end to my sorrows , and afford me fresh pleasure : she had to that end employed that antient woman as her Messenger , to perswade me to leave that house of Mourning wherein I was , for hers , which was a Pallace , nay , a Paradice of pleasure , wherein I should be accompanied with all manner of contentment . I told her I should be willingly obedient to her commands , in expectation of those pleasures she promised . Several other Discourses we had , whereby she gave me instructions how to behave my self ; and , said she , since you intend to make one of my Family , I shall give you an account of my manner and method in governing the same . My house , continued she , being frequented by persons of all Qualities , it is therefore necessary that I should be furnished with women , who should be proper and fit for their respective accommodations , for the Servants and Pages must be sometimes served as well as their Masters ; I therefore distinguish those women that belong unto me into three several sorts and distinctions ; and because I intend to make use of you only in the first and principal , I shall therefore be more particular in my discourse to you of that . You are therefore to know , that as my house is well enough furnished with women to accommodate my ordinary Guests , so I have several who are kept abroad ▪ who serve for the extraordinary accommodation of my best sort of Guests , and those are such as are so queamish stomached , that will not see one face above two or three times ; with these a Maidenhead is a very great dainty , for they lay out with me for one , sometimes a quarter or half a year together . Now , though I know you have parted from yours already , yet I question not but to make a good Merchandize of yours , and get a good round sum of mony for you and my self ; and if you will be ruled by me in everything , I shall so manage the business , that you shall not have to do with above two or three in a twelve months time , and they shall be such , as shall not only maintain you in a brave Garb and equipage , but you shall gain many Jewels , and a good round sum of money . To this Discourse I replied , that I hoped she would perform what she said , and in expectation thereof , I should dispose my self to be wholly directed by her . This I remember was our first Discourse , or to this purpose , and she presently orderd me a Lodging within a few doors of her house , where I had such another as my self for my Companion , and we were very well accommodated with every thing ; my habit was somewhat altered , for I was now put into the most exact mode that was then in best esteem . According to her Directions I carried my self in every thing ; and once a day I waited on her , or else she came to me . I had not been there many days be●ore she told me that there was an opportunity to begin my business , and therefore she advised me to go the next day to a Play ; and set my self out in the best manner that I could ; but she advised me by all means to decline drinking , or entertaining any Discourse with any person , though I should be importuned thereto , I promising obedience to her commands ; and my Companion , who was my Bed-fellow , attended me to the Play-house , where by great attention to the Comedy that was acted , I did not mind those who made it their chief business to gaze on me . The Play being done , I went out , but was stayed by two Gentlemen ( who by their Habits seemed of quality ) who offered me their Service to wait on me . I at first answered them with silence ; but they seeing I had no other Company but my Bed fellow , were very importunate to have me accept of theirs . I told them that they were strangers , and therefore durst not admit of their kind offer : Having said thus , I called for a Coach , and though they still importuned me to accept of their Company , yet I absolutely refused it , and so caused the Coachman to drive home . That evening was I visited by our Matrona , who told me , I had done well , for she had an account given her of my deportment : for , said she , it is not unknown to me that you were offered the service of two Gentlemen , one of which is a person who is a retainer to my house , an old beaten Souldier , and several such we are forced to keep correspondency withal , that we may have new fresh Guests brought to our house . The other Gentleman , said she , is one who hath a long time laid out for a fresh bit , and he was carried to the Playhouse on purpose to see you ; whom I gave my correspondent his companion so just an account of , that he could not miss knowing of you : they both followed your Coach to your Lodgings ; and have since been at mine , and my young Coxcomb is very much smitten with your beauty , and offers any thing that he may enjoy your Company . I have promised him my assistance , but he must come off well first ; and I question not but to manage him so , as in few days you shall find the effects of his love in some noble present , therefore said she , fail not to be directed by me , and I doubt not but you will reap much pleasure and profit . I having promised a just compliance to her desires , she departed leaving me in the company of her Bed-fellow , who that night entertained me with a large account of her Adventures . I remember she told me , that when she first came acquainted with our Matrona , she was pick'd up almost in the same manner as I had been ; and that in less then two monthes , her Maidenhead was sold six times , for which she had gained in Presents to the value of fifty pounds ; and I suppose , said she , our Matrona gained above as much more in money : since then , said she , my first Customers have but rarely visited me ; and she having no more Customers for my Maidenhead , I now pass for a Merchants Wife , and am often sent for in that name ; and I seldom miss a day without one or two Customers , who entertain me as such a person . She being thus free with me , I thought good to ask her some more questions , as , how she paid for her Diet and Lodging ? and from whence she had Cloaths ? To this she answered , that for the first half year her Diet was paid for by the Matrona , who indeed had all the Money that was gained by her ; and as for Cloaths , she had them first of all lent , or given by her , and since given her by those who had to deal with her : and now , said she , I pay for my own Diet , and have all the Money that is given me ; and all the profit she hath , is in selling her Wine , and other things she vendeth at our Collations ; and now and then I suppose she gets half a piece or a piece of a new Customer by procuring me . I was somewhat satisfied with this Discourse , and the next day I was visited by the old Woman ( who brought me first acquainted with our Matrona ) who brought me a Letter from my Amorous Gallant ; I remember it was stuffed with Complements , and all the happiness he desired , was to see me once more at the Play-house . In this affair , I taking advice with our Matrona , it was resolved I should return no answer ; but however , within two days , I again went to the Play-house , where I was no sooner seated , but I was attended by my Gallant , and now I could not decline his Company : during the Play he treated me with all manner of fruits , and such things as could be purchased there ; and the Play being done , he offered me a farther treat at some other place ; but I refused that , as also any further converse with him ; and again ( calling for a Coach ) I went home , refusing his company , and being very shie and coy to all his Proposals , which though many , yet prevailed not at all upon me . The next day I had another Letter sent me , as also a Diamond-Ring of Twenty pound price as a present : I accepted of both , and then promised within two days to meet him again at the Play-house , where my Gallant came richly accoutred in all his bravery , I then entertained discourse with him , and the Play being ended , I at his earnest opportunity accepted of a Trea● he quickly provided for me at the next Tavern . I then told him , that I durst not stay , for I expected my Unckle to come and visit me that Evening at my Lodging , who was to bring me news out of the Country about my Father : he being desirous to please me , consented to my departure , I promising to give him another meeting at a place we appointed the next day , and thus we again parted . I was now so far engaged with him , that I the next day again met him , and he then courted me for enjoyment ; but I seeming very angry , he to pacifie me , gave me a Gold Watch , and then I permitted him to embrace and kiss me ; and though I contradicted his proceeding further with me yet he found by me , that in time he might arrive to it . In this apprehension he was very prodigal in his promises , and what great things he would do , if I would permit him so great a happiness ; he oftentimes wishing himself a single-man ( for he was Married ) that he might make himself happy in so brave a Wife , as he knew I would be . These Discourses , and others which he used , and those many strict embraces which he gave me with the tittilations of the flesh , and I had much ado to continue inexorable : but remembering how I had been deceived formerly , and withall knowing that I had not our Matrona's order as yet for fruition , I therefore contradicted my own thoughts and wanton desires , and refused to let him proceed to any other satisfaction than what he could get by kissing and embracing me , and handling my Breasts and Neck , and so we again parted , I being still attended by my Bed-fellow . We were no sooner come home , but she was sent for by our Matrona , to whom she gave an account of our actions ; but that was not all her business , for when she returned home , and we were in Bed together , she told me she had been at the Sport with a brave Gallant , with whom she had received great pleasure , for he was newly come to Town , and willing enough to have continued the sport longer , but that it was late , and therefore they had referred a continuance of the pleasures to the next day ; and that she had not only pleasure but profit , for he had given her three Crowns , and promised to be more beneficial to her during his stay in London . This discourse of hers , the remembrance of what she had been at , and what I might have received if I would , did very much fire me , and I then took up a resolve not much longer to delay those pleasures I had now so long been without ; and thereupon being visited the next day by my Servant , ( and having the permission of my Matrona so to do ) I entertained him with somewhat more freedom than formerly , and went with him to the house of our Matrona , as if a great stranger there ; and now was I doubly courted , not only by him , but her ; so that I permitted him enjoyment , and he so well pleased me , that at his further earnest opportunity , I consented to lie with him all Night , where I satisfied him and my self in all those amorous sweets that two willing Lovers could receive or give . Whilst I was thus occupied at our Matrona's house , my Bedfellow was not idle ; for she understanding my place would be void , was resolved to have it supplied , and therefore summoned her Country Gentleman , who very readily attended her , and for that night was so pleased with her Company in the night , that he desired it the next day at a frolick at a Tavern . She accordingly attended him , where a plentiful dinner was provided , there being four or five Gentlemen , and two Women besides her self . Dinner being ended , and some quantity of Wine drank off , they all began to be merry , and therefore a noise of Fidlers were call'd , and they all fell to singing and dancing , in which they spent some time ; and the other two women being likewise Ladies of the right stamp , they did by turns leave the rest of the Company , and retire by Couples into a private Room , where they had the conveniency of a Bed , and thus they spent most part of the Day . Night drawing on , reckoning was call'd for ; but it being a large one , all the Gentlemen were dissatisfied , not being willing to pay so dear for their pleasure , and to have such sour sawce to their sweet meat : the Fidlers being paid , they resolv'd to put a trick upon the Vintner for his reckoning . The Fidlers now playing their last Lesson , the Gentlemen one after another made their several exits , leaving the three women to pay the Score ; who for some time waited the return of the Gentlemen with money , but in vain . The Master of the house understanding how he was likely to be serv'd , came up to the Women , and gave them such a lesson as made them sing lachrimae : they made many Apologies and excuses , but in vain , money or a sufficient pawn he would have before they went. They considering the neceessity of the business , resolved to leave some of their Rings and such like Moveables for their enlargement . Agreeing on the manner , they were now considering the matter , what , and how much should be left , when two or three men entred the Room , and bluntly asked for the Women , naming them by their several names . Not only they , but the Master of the house was of opinion , that they were come with Mony to redeem them ; but their Errand prov'd not so pleasant to the Vintner : for these men declar'd themselves to be Bayliffs , and their business was to arrest the three Women at several actions , and to that end produced their Warrant . The women were much troubled , and began to exclaim that they owed no such sums ; but the officers who were not to be baffled , told them they were their Prisoners , and must along with them . The Vintner now put in , and demanded satisfaction , and would have the women leave some pawn for the Reckoning ; but the Officers told them , that they had best keep what they had for they might have occasion for it upon the account of the Arrest ; and for the Reckoning , the Vintner must take his course at Law ; the Vintner for some time opposed the Officers , and said he would be paid first , and although a Constable was sent for , yet to no purpose , for the Warrant being produc'd , they were permitted to march off with their Prisoners ; and a Coach being call'd for , they all crowded into it , ordering the Coachman to drive towards the Goal . The Women used many Arguments to the Bayliffs , who now having done their business , seemed only at the request of the Women , to attend them to a Tavern , whither the Coachman had orders to drive , and there they were conducted into a Room , where instead of Bayliffs , and a Prison , they had the company of their day Companions , who now kindly welcom'd them , and acquainted them of their frolick , and how all this was only designed to cheat the Vintner of his Reckoning , who had formerly put tricks upon them . All parties being now well pleased , they spent that night in the Tavern together , and my companion coming home the next day , acquainted me with this Story . CHAP. XXXVI . In prosecution of her Extravagancies , she comes acquainted with a young Gentleman , with whom she acts several frollicks , occasioned by seeing Playes acted . THis continued , Mrs. Mary was my beginning or entrance into my publick profession , and indeed , I cannot well call it publick , for I was private and reserved , not admitting any more servants but this one in one Month ; and indeed , in the first half year , I had but three , but they were so beautiful , that I had wherewithal to satisfie my self in every thing : having in Jewels and other presents , to the value of 100 l. Neither had I any thing to pay for diet or lodging , the charge of that being alwayes born by our Matrona who I found had gained above 60 l. in money for procuration , and assistance in winning me ; besides , a great deal more money spent at her House in Collations and Entertainments for me , which were very frequent and costly . The Trade for Maiden-heads falling , the price being so great , I was forced to fight under another Banner , and though I did not pass for a Maid , yet I was accounted in the next degree , for I passed as the Mistress , or Lady of Pleasure of a Person of Quality , who kept me as a great rarity for his own diet ; and indeed I did not deceive my first customers upon that account ; for whereas I went under the notion of belonging to one Person , I did belong to but three : and I was forced to play my game pretty cunningly to please them , and not give them suspition of one another , for they being all introduced into my acquaintance by our Matrona , or some of her Agents , she did help to mannage my affairs ; and when she knew I was to accompany or lie with one of my sweet-hearts , she would tell the other , ( if he or they desired the same , that it could not be for the present , for either I was waiting upon my Uncle , or some other Relation , or otherwise employed , that I must be excused at the present : but against such a time she would endeavour to procure me to accompany them ; and this was her tale or mine , when more than one importun'd me with their visits , and by this means did we both gain the money , and I , Rings , Neck-laces , Watches , and new Gowns , and sometimes Gold to spend or Play away ; but in time these three growing somewhat weary , or tyred both in their Bodies and Purses , but especially in the last , they by degrees left me , seldom visiting me , and when they did , they would desire their pleasure on free cost , although I could not be so ungrateful as to deny them that which cost me nothing , and which I had equal pleasure in , yet I saw it was time to look out for other better customers ; and therefore as I told you , I passed as the Mistress of a Person of Quality , and was sent for to our Madonas house , whether I would pretend I had stollen out , but durst not stay , least my amorous Master should return and want me : several persons I enjoyed at this rate , and much ready money was coming to me ; for they with whom I had to do , understanding I was a professed Lady of Pleasure , knew well enough that I would not be contented to pleasure them without a reward ; and therefore they gave me money . But now the case was somewhat altered , and I must now pay for my Diet , for our Madona has , as I told you , a certain custome or rule which she walked by , which was this , that at the first she paid for Diet and Lodging as long as the Maiden-head customers lasted , for all that time she took the mony , and the Woman the Presents , very little mony coming to their hands ; and indeed it was not by our rules thought honourable or convenient , that a price in money should be given on that account to the party her self ; but when they came under the notion of a Lady of Pleasure , and Virginity was gone , then it was accounted reasonable , and indeed necessary , that the Party her self should receive money for her better support , and then she must be at the cost of her own diet ; and this was my cause : And my Companion and Bed●ellow , who had bin in this condition for some time , and had passed , as I now did , for a private Lady , a Merchants Wife , and several other Titles and qualities , was now grown so common , and her face was so well known to all our Madona 's own house , and there serve in common for all Gentlemen customers that come . Thus as I was removed one step lower then I was , so was she , and it was not long ere I had a pretty young thing brought to be my companion : and though her Virginity had been parted with above a twelve month before , ( as she confessed to me ) yet she was to succeed me in my place , and act the part of a Virgin as I had done . I now began to bethink my self of what I had bin , and what more I was to be , and run through : I found that I was already at the second degree , and that in short time , I must follow my late companion to the third , and be forced to go home to our Madona 's house , and there prostitute my self to every drunken fellow that brought money in his hand ; to be slabbered , tumbled and tossed as he pleased : this I say went against my stomack , and I was much troubled at it ; nay , I saw that some who had bin in as high a place and degree as my self , were in bad condition enough ; for there was one who was my late companions Bedfellow before I came , and was at that time called into the house to make room for me , this Woman being very frollick , and withall negligent of our Madona 's commands ; which were to Sweat , Bath , and Purge , and use other remedies to drive away all distempers ; she I say being negligent and wanton , and keeping an open Stable for all Horses , gave entertainment to a running Nag , which so paid her , that she was soundly pepper'd , not with a Horse-Pox , but as bad , or a worse disease , which stuck to her so soundly , that notwithstanding our Madona 's diligence , she was fain to go under the Surgeons hands . Nay , and those that did Escape this , were in time put to bad offices , as to attend the rest , and when their money was gone , they served the Grooms and Skip-kennels that attended their Masters to our house . These considerations , I say , made me think of a remedy to take in time ; and therefore I was resolved to order my matters so , as never to come to our Madona 's house , but provide for my self before it should come to that point ; and therefore I purposed to accept of the offers of the next best customer that came , that would take me from the condition I was in , and to provide for me ; for it was a usual thing , that we had many offers by several persons to take us away ; and keep and maintain us privately . I had now every day more variety of servants then formerly ; for now I had done trafficking for my Maiden-head , I was more free and open , and to be courted and treated at a cheaper rate ; and now I was at my own dispose , whereas before I was still watched by our Madona , or my Companion , who had it in charge from her , to give an account of all my actions ; and the same charge had I given me over my new-come Bedfellow . All that was expected from me , was always to be ready at my Lodging , to come when sent for ; but I had this in general , and so had all the rest of our Companions , not to permit any man to exceed kissing and feeling , till 3 or 4 Bottles of Wine were first drank . These , and many other Maxims we were instructed in , which I shall omit , and only give you an account of two or three frollicks I was a party in whilst I professed this quality , and so conclude . Among other Servants or Sweet-hearts that I had , who were my constant customers , I had one , a young Country Gentleman ; who , being Heir of a good Estate , was brought up to London , and placed in one of the Inns of Court ; but instead of studying Law , he applyed himself to a more soft and effeminate study : the Art of Love and Courtship ; he had read Ovid's Arte amandi , at home in the Country , and could repeat many lines out of it ; and he had read some other pieces of Poetry ; but his fancy was not drawn to the height , till he had not only read some Comedies , but also seen them acted ; and then he was so taken with them , that he spent his time commonly every afternoon , in seeing one acted : he being a guest at our house , ( being introduced thither by one of our Hectors ) and his Pockets being very well lined with crown pieces , our Matrona thought me a fit Mistriss for him ; and he being a handsome young fellow , I willingly accepted him for my Servant : he being as I told you , well skilled in Ovids Art of Love , would often make use of several of his expressions , to perswade me to his imbraces . Though he needed not use these arguments to induce me to permit him to enjoy me ; yet I was well enough pleased to hear his Poetry ; and I being no Novice in the School of Love , did withstand him , knowing that the mind is most eagerly bent on that which is forbidden ; and therefore , like a torrent , it overflows , and becomes more impetuous by opposition ; and I had read so much Poetry as to remember that , She that is willing to love me , To her unwilling will I be And , Proffer'd pleasures I defy , Give me her that doth deny . He making use of his Poetry , made me think of mine ; and therefore I was the more coy to him ; but still held him in hand , and gave him certain hopes of an absolute enjoyment : This his vain of Poetry was not only pleasant to me , but profitable ; and he fell into one of the finest humors that I have heard of : for I attending him to the Play-houses very frequently , we one day saw a Play called Philaster , or , Love lyes a bleeding : The Play being done , we went to a Tavern , and there he highly commended th●●ction , but above all things , the womens parts : he was very much pleased with Arethusa's constancy and love to Philaster : but that which tickled him most was Megera's acceptance of Pharamon's Court-ship ; for though she were a great Court-Lady , yet she accepted his gold which he presented her , and was so kind as to attend his pleasure in his lodging . Now said he to me , though I have tendred you my service , and am willing to make you a present of all I have , yet I cannot induce you to be so kind to me . I now hearing him at this point , was resolved to accept him and his present , ( for , though he had been some days in my company , yet he had bestowed nothing considerable upon me ) therefore I told him that it was true , the Lady Megera did accommodate Prince Pharamond ; but he did first present her with somewhat that was considerable , to induce her to it ; and though I had a very great respect for his love , yet there was some what more then love to be tendred , as he might now very well understand by this late passage . My yonker ( who I suppose , had never tasted woman , but with his Mothers Chamber Maids , or some such Creatures , knew not what belonged to Women of my profession ) being now awakened , as it were , out of a dead sleep ; quickly drew 5 pieces of Gold out of his Pocket , and made a present of them : You may be sure I was not coy nor cautious in receiving them , but quickly put them up ; and , for the present , thanks was all I returned , delaying him in his desires , till we came to our Madona 's quarters ; where we had a plentiful Supper : And I having now acquainted her how I had dealt with my Young man ; it was thought reasonable that he should have a nights lodging for his Money ; neither did I refuse it , but agreed to all he asked me , and I so well pleased him , that I perswaded him out of a Diamond Ring worth 5 l. more . I am the more particular in my relation of my acquaintance with him : and the means of our closing , by seeing a Play , because of the advantage I gained on him afterwards by the same occasion : for the next day we again going to see a Play , it happened , that it was the Siege of Rhodes , and then he was as much taken with Roxolana , as he had formerly been with Arethusa , and highly commended that part : I perceiving his fancy , tol● him , that I supposed he would be very glad to imbrace Roxolana in his Arms ; Yes , said he , that I would , though it were at the expence of 20 l. well said I , give me the money , and I will so order the matter , that you shall receive that satisfaction ; nay , said he , but I doubt you will be offended thereat , no said I , it will be as much to my content , as yours . He hearing this , without any difficulty , agreed to give me 20 l. which was sent me that evening , I told him the next day , that in one weeks time , he should receive the content he expected , and to heighten his expectation : I refused to let him lye with me in the mean time . In this weeks time I so ordered the matter , that I got a Taylor , and other persons who were used to make the habits for the Players , to make me a habit in all things like to that of Roxolona ; this being done , I acquainted my young Gentleman , and told him that for his better satisfaction , he should see the so famed Princess at our quarters , where he might have more freedom then at any other place ; he was herewith very well contented ; he habiting himself in the richest garbs he had , and a Colation was provided to treat his expected Mistris ; all things being thus fitted on his part , I put on the provided habit ; and instead of his expected Roxolona , I entred the Room where he was , attended by two or three , who bore up my train , and had set my self out with so many Jewels , both good , and counterfeit : and was indeed in all things so like the Roxolana he had seen , that he doubted not but I was the very same , and was much surprised at the matter : and although my face was as lovely as hers , yet I had added somewhat thereto to appear more beautiful . Our Matrona seeing him somewhat amazed , went to him , and rouzing him up , asked him , why he did not salute me ; for said she , though her habit is not English , yet you see she is of this Country , and will admit of the ordinary salutes . He being now quickned u● , approached me , and gave me the ordinary salutation● , which I accepted , and at his request I sate down by him . Well said our Matrona , hath not Mrs. Mary per●ormed her promise with you . Yes , said he , to admi●ation : and if before I desired this Ladies Company at the first view , I am much more pleased than I expected ; and as I have a very great esteem for this Lady ▪ and intend to continue it , yet that shall be no prejudice to Mrs. Mary , whose great love and kindness to me in this particular action , I shall always remember , and largely requite ; Well Sir , said I , what love you bestow on her , shall be very acceptable to me , and I shall indeavour to retalliat the same . My young man had not till now heard me speak , and though he did , he could not distinguish me by my voice , so great a difference was there in my habit , from my ordinary dress , that he did not so much as suspect it , but , hearing me speak with so much affection for Mrs. Mary , ha ! replyed he , that since I was so much a friend to her , he was the better satisfied in what he had desired ; and he wanted nothing to content him so much , as her presence . Well , said our Matrona , if that be all , you may have that satisfaction quickly : nay , and you have it already ; for she is in this Room : he hearing her , looked earnestly about ; and though he gazed much in my face , yet he could not discover me ; but my greatest business being now done , our Matrona could no longer forbear , but fell into a very great fit of laughter , and so did the rest of the company ; neither did this make him sensible of the matter , till our Madona , taking him by the hand , caused him to take me by mine ; and told him , that if he desired Mrs. Marys company there , he had it ; for she was the same party with that Lady , and had only put on that habit , to give him the content and satisfaction he desired . Although at first he could not credit what she said , yet looking again earnestly upon me , he discovered the matter ; and then he said , Ah Madam , I did not imagine that you could be guilty of so pleasing a fallacy ; but I am very well satisfied therein , and am now more glad that you have found out this way to please me , than if I enjoyed the very party her self . To this I answered , That I hoped I should as well satisfie his ●●sire in enjoying that Princess whom I represented , as if he had in his Company the same person who acted that part at the Theatre ; for , said I , it is only her habit that makes her appear so like a Princess ; and I , being now in the same dress , may as well pass as she ; and as for face and other parts , I shall not give her any preheminence , neither I hope will you , if you look on me with an impartial eye . My friend was very well satisfied in what I had done and said , and now coming more near to me , we fell to our Collation with much freedom . I was attended by ●everal whom I had appointed to that purpose , and demeaned my self so Majestically , that as they told me , I might very well pass for the very person whom I did represent ; and my Gentleman was so extreamly well pleased , that I thought he would have lost his Eyes in gazing at me . Our Collation being ended , I and my attendants Danced , and spent much time in such kind of divertisements ; but I saw that my friend was impatient till Bed-time came , that he might have me his beloved Princess in his Arms : we were waited on with all manner of state , and had Musick attending us , not only at the time we were up , but also when we were in Bed : they being placed in the Chamber adjoyning to our Lodgings , where they played for two hours space after we were retired . The Strength of imagination was much , for as my bedfellow imagined that he had a Princess in his arms , so I conceited my self to be little less , great was the pleasure I received from , and gave to my bedfellow , for we were both in the flower of our age , he being about twenty , and I eighteen , we had both equal desires , and thought of nothing but pleasure : we banished all other passions , to make way for that of love , according to the Poet. Fair Venus never goes to Bed , To those that are with sorrows fed . CHAP. XXXVII . Her Friend being forced from her by his Friends , she meeting with one of her old acquaintance , falls again to trading for her self , till in the end , she meets with the Drugster , who kept her for his private use . ALthough I was well enough pleased with my nights lodging , and so was my Bedfellow : yet as the longest day , so will the longest night have an end ; and as no pleasure is lasting , neither would ours continue , for the morning being come , we were again called up by Musick , but being glutted with that , we ordered them to retire , and I first arose out of our Bed , and going to dress me in my ordinary habit , my Bedfellow did forbid it , and intreated me to give him the satisfaction and delight to see me again in my Turkish dress . He having pleased me so well , I was contented to pleasure him , in a request that was so indifferent ; and therefore dressed my self accordingly . He was so well pleased with me in every thing , that taking me in his Arms , I remember he sighed , and I demanding the reason of that passion , he told me , it was out of the extremity of the love he bore me , and which he desired above all things to continue ; indeed I liked him so well , that I could have been well enough contented to have been his Wife , and have left all the world for him , for he was of so easie a pliant nature , that I could have wrought him to any thing : and therefore being desirous to make use of that opportunity , I desired him not to be melancholy , for all that I could serve him in , I should readily do : he finding me so free with him , told me , if that I would wait the death of his Mother , he would make me his wife , and in the mean time would entertain me , and provide for me wholly as if I were so : but he durst not Marry me till his Mother was dead , she having a great power over his Estate , his Father who was lately dead , so ordered it ; and beside , he was not as yet of Age to demand it . I being desirous to close with him , ( not only out of a desire . I had to leave that course of life I then led , but also out of pure Love I bore him ) soon agreed to be wholly disposed by him , and desired him therefo●e to be constant in his affection ; and take some time to consider how to dispose of me , and I should readily consent to it , for he knew as well as I , that it would not at all be convenient for me to remain where I was . This was our discourse , and then we went from our Chamber into another Room , where we were expected by our Matrona , and some others of my companions , the next day also we spent in ●rolicking and mirth ▪ but the whole charge of it , was not bo●n by my friend , for several of our Matrona's Friends and Clients did participate in the cost , as w●ll as the mirth , which was very high , and lasted all the day and night , and then tyred , though not satisfied with su●h delights as Bacchus and Venus could afford : we ( having imitated the Empress Messalina in our debauchery ; of whom the Poet saith , The Impereal Stumpet , with one Maid , stole out In her Night hoods , and having cast about Her black hair , a red Perriwig she got , Into the stewes — There many thirsted for encounters tryed , Departed tyr'd with men , not satisfied . This frolick being at an end , I and my friend began to be serious , and in short time after , he provided me a private Lodging , and I making up my pack of Cloaths , Jewels , and Money which I had gained , and which was considerable ; left our Madona , and now retired my self , and resolved to be very honest , and absolutely constant to my friend , who continued his love to me in a very great measure . But at length , all the Monies that he brought to Town with him , and all else that he could get or procure , was spent ; ( for he had not spared any thing I desired to content me , ) and which was worse , his Mother came to Town to visit him , and upon examination , he could give little account how he had spent his time and monyes ; wherefore it being concluded , that ill company was the cause , his Mother laid out very diligently to discover what company he kept : though he abstained from coming ●o often to me , as formerly . Yet , he either sent , or came to me every day , that he might not be absolutely out of favor with his Mother , I furnished him with what ready mony I had , and he in requital , promised me a continuance of his love , and a retalliation of my kindness , and which was more than all , he engaged to Marry me , ( notwithstanding all the oppositions his Mother or friends could make ) if I would stay till he was of Age , and had his Estate in his hands ; I had this promise from him , not onely by word of Mouth , but also by Writing ; but all these promises were quickly vacuated and void ; for his Mother by her extraordinary diligence , found out his haunts , and discovered his coming to me : and followed the tract of my actions and life : that she found from whence I came , and who I was ; and then soon concluded , that I had been the chief occasion of his mispending his time and Moneys ; and now she mustred up all her wits , to prevent his ruine , which she supposed would be inevitable , if he continued any longer a correspondency with me . To this end she called her Son before her , and examined him in the presence of all those of his Relations and friends which were then in Town . She laid the business so plain and home to him , that he could not deny the matter , but somewhat of the manner he did ; for whereas she reported me an absolute Prostitute , he alledged me virtuous and modest , as indeed well he might , ( for I had ere since my first acquaintance with him , been constant to him ) but it being proved from whence I came , and how immodest I had lived , it was a sufficient argument to make out what I was , and that I could not be a fit Wife for him : She was a very discreet Woman , and one who had known the World , and I suppose was well enough acquainted with that saying of the Poet. If Modesty and Women once do sever , Farewel their Name , farewel their Fame for ever . And therefore it being evident enough what I had been , she from thence concluded what I would be : In fine , she so scooled her Son , and ordered the matter , that he was contented to relinquish my company ; and because she would be sure he should do so , she never left till she had got him in the mind to Travel , and so putting him in an equipage befitting his quality , she sent him for France . Thus , when I thought my self near the greatest happiness I ever yet arrived to , ( which I earnestly hoped , and expected by being married to this young Gentleman ) was I stripped of all joy and comfort , in his suddain and absolute departure from me ; his Mother and Freinds , were so strict with him , that they would not permit him to take his farewel of me ; I only received a short Letter from him , wherein , he complained of his ill fortune , in being thus forced from me : but more especially at the manner of it ; for he had not the opportunity , nor power to be civil to me , in reimbursing me with the moneys I had lately furnished him with ; for his Mother gave him more ready moneys , then he should have present occasion for ; promising him , to supply him with more by Bills of Exchange , when he should arrive at the place he was designed for ; and then he promised that I should hear further from him . This was the substance of his letter ; and indeed I could not well complain of him : for what moneys he had lately received of me , had formerly been his own ; but I was now reduced to a very low condition : having no ready money , so that I was forced to sell some of my Jewels ; and for a while supplyed my occasions with the moneys they yeil●ed me ; I living a very solitary , and retired life , and all my pleasure was in reading Plays , and Romance : in which I spent much time , and took great delight ; I wai●●d long in expectation of letters from my friend , according to his promise ; but whether he sent , and they were intercepted , or how ; or whether he ●orgot me , or 〈◊〉 , I know not ; for I never after that heard of him . Being weary with this soli●ary life ; and finding no effects of my friends pro●i●● to send to me ; I began to consider what course I was to take ; I was very unwilling to visit my old Matrona again ; but one day ▪ I was met by one of my old ●weet-hearts : one of those whom I had known in her h●use ; but I saw by his habit , and afterw●rd● by the strength of his Pocket , that he was but in a low condition , and was more ready to receive , than give , he ●astned on me for old acquaintance sake , I was forced to drink with him ; but he ingeniously told me , that Hector was not in the Field , he had no money in his Pocket ; wherefore I ( though money was not very flush with me , as having had a long time of vacation : ) not only paid our reckoning , but at his entreaty , double hors'd him , by lending him , ( or I may rather say , giving him ) two half crowns . This put him in Stock and heart , and he gratefully acknowledged my civility , telling me , he would requite it , and talking of thousands he was to receive . He was very earnest to know my Lodging , but I concealed that place from him , and , as I thought , parted from him warily enough , and went many ways about before I went home , bu● he dog'd me , and seeing me hous'd , waited , lest that might not be the place ; but after a sufficient stay , he was better satisfied ; for I came no more out , and so he went to his quarters . This my old acquaintance , as he had formerly been bit , and had others lived upon him , so now he only lived upon others ; and though it was not above a tw● new month since he was a great gallant , and spent very highly with me , yet he had made hast and consumed above 3000 l. he was young enough , and as wanton and desirous as ever of my Company ; but he knew very well I would not consent , unless there were money in the case ; he being destitute of that necessary commmodity , therefore sought out for one who was better suppl●ed with it ; he needed not to look long , neither did he , till he found one , who was now , as not long since he had been , better stor'd with money than wit , and as desirous of pleasure , being willing to have it at any rate ; him he tells of a rare purchase , a Lady whom he had the happiness to be acquainted with , that was rarely handsome , of an excellent good nature , and he questioned not but she might be flexible . The monyed Gallant did not ask many questions , but desired by all means to see this celebrated beauty ; for he doubted not but she must needs be handsome , whom the other so cried up for beautiful . My old acquaintance was as willing as he to attend him to this Lady , which was my self ; and therefore to me they came , and believing that confidence was the best way of speaking with me ; he boldly asked to see and speak with me ; pretending great business , not so much as questioning whither I lived there or no. The people of the house believing him one of my intimate acquaintance , directly brought him and his friend up into my Chamber . I was somewhat surpriz'd at the sight of him ; but after the first salutes , he took me to one side , and privately told me all his design ; and that this party whom he had brought , was a very well-monied man , and much might be squeez'd out of him . Altho●●● 〈◊〉 was not yet resolved to fall to my old trade , yet ●ow he was come , I knew not how to put him off , wherefore I indifferently entertained him , and I may very well say indifferently , because I was yet cold in my desires , and had very little appetite , however some bottles of Wine being sent for , we drank them off : and my young Gentleman being warm in his gears , began to talk a little boldly , but it was to no purpose , for I forbid all actions , and at that time he only purchased a kiss , but ( that I may draw to a period to my discourse ) I did not long continue so cold to him , for he bringing meat in his Mouth , good store of Gold in his Pocket , which he willingly and freely gave me , I permitted him to take all the pleasure he could receive by me . Thus did I renue my old trade , and my old friend , who had brought this new acquaintance , finding some benefit and profit in the case ; for he had money of his acquaintance , whom he had brought , as also of me , neither could I at convenient times deny him the pleasure he had formerly tasted with me ; he , I say , having both pleasure & profit , turned Broker for me , and brought me several Merchants , who traffiqued with me for pleasure , which I commonly afforded them a good pennyworth , though sometimes a dear one , for I would not deal with every ordinary fellow , and therefore was paid the better , by those who were my customers . But let me do what I could , I saved little or nothing at the months end , ( years I will not say , because I was weary of this trade in six months time : ) for I now had not only my self , but this my old acquaintance , and new Broker to provide for ; for he finding that most of my profit came in by those he brought me , would be very bold in demanding a share with me : and his expences were so high , which he pretended , was only to bring me of the better sort of customers , that I was now poorer than ever , and he now became so impudent , that he would not only command my money , but my Rings , and other Jewels , which he would sell or pawn as he lifted ; and indeed , it is the fortune or misfortune of all those of our quality , to be troubled with some such fellows , hangers on as we call them , or else we should or might in little time gain sufficient Estates ; but as I say , commonly what we get one way , these followers spend the other , so that at length , all that we are likely to purchase , if we have not a great care , is onely a disease , which may stick long enough by us . I being fearful of this , for my Friend or Hector , I may call him both , was now grown so intemperate , that he kept all companies : and if I refused him money , or a nights Lodging , he would go to any other common Woman , the first he met withal , and so afterwards comming to me , I might be spoiled ; to prevent this , I privately left my Lodging , and hearing of two of my own Sex and quality , that were going a progress into the Country to take a frollick , I made the third , and had a man as well as they to attend me ; and as I expected , to bear my charges ; but we all reckoned without our Host , for we were basely trappand by those who went with us , and left in pawn for a reckoning that was considerable ; we were in a strange place many Miles from London , and much distressed , but at length a resolution was taken , that one of us should go to London , and fetch money to redeem the rest , it fell to the lot of one of my companions , who being on her journey , had the good luck to meet with honest Gregory , our now companion , and he , very liberally relieved us , by sending money to us , whereby we had the freedom to come to our companion , and him , who attended us . She being come to this part of her Relation , I told her , that I heard it already by Gregory , who among other passages of his life , acquainted me with that . Well then , replied she , if you know that account , I have little more to acquaint you with , for not long after my Arrival at London , I fortunately met with my honest friend the Drugster , and he liking me for a Mistress , and I him for a Servant or Master , which you please , agreed to obey his pleasures , he providing for me , which he hath hitherto done in a very plenti●ul manner : and I on the other side have bin as constant and obedient to him . CHAP. XXXVIII . Mistress Mary having finished , Mistress Dorothy begins her Story , wherein she relates , that having left her Friends in the Country , she comes up to London , and entring her self into Service , lies with three several men , by whom she was got with Child , and so orders the matter , that all three pay well for it . I Had given very great attention to Mrs. Maries story , and Mrs. Dorothy , ( who , with me , had been the only Auditor ) told her , that she had received a great deal of satisfaction ; for , said she , though I have formerly heard many of your particular actions , yet I never received a perfect account till now . Nay , said Mrs. Mary , this account is far from being perfect , and is only such passages as I could at present call to mind ; but indeed they are the most remarkable , and by them you may guess at the rest . I was very well pleased with what I had heard , and being likewise desirous to be acquainted with the adventures of Mrs. Dorothy , requested her to relate them to me , which she did as followeth . Old friend , said she to me , you have great occasion to love and respect me , for the great love I have born to you and your memory ; for after your departure ●rom my Fathers house , I was very much afflicted for your absence , and I did believe that you intended Marriage to me , as you protested ; and though my Father and Mother had often doubted of the reality of your intentions , especially , after you had so unworthily left me , yet I still perswaded them that you would return . You know well enough , that my Father was not ignorant of our privacy , he having surprized us in the manner , and you then promised to make me amends by marriage ; but all the satisfaction I received , was a Copy of Verses , and 20 pieces of Gold : In the one you expressed your Wit , in the other your Generosity , for I very well knew that you might have omitted both , and not have sent either ; but I suppose , you were more skillful than I , and knew that I was with Child by you , and therefore sent that mony to defray the charge I should be at on that occasion . This piece of civility of yours did put me into good hopes that you would return ; and I accordingly perswaded my Father , and Mother ; but time convinced me of my error : and also made it more apparent that I had been sporting with you ; for my Belly swelled so , that my Mother soon resolved me that I was with Child by you . I was very melancholly upon this occasion , but my Mother indeavoured to comfort me ( for I being her only Child ) she had a great deal of love for me ; and knowing what was pass'd could not be helped , she took order to conceal and keep the knowledge of my misfortune from being publiquely known and discoursed of ; Wherefore I , at her desire and directions , kept within doors , pretending a sickness , which indeed was not wholly counterfeit , in regard I much grieved for your absence . In this condition I spent my time , till the time of my deliverance from Child-bearing came , and then I was brought to Bed of a Boy , which was no soooner Born , but it was taken and carried from me , to a Town three miles off , to be nursed by a Woman , whom my Mother had for that purpose provided ; and this was done to conceal the shame that I should or might sustain , if it were known that I had a Child , without knowing who , or at least , where was the Father . So soon as a Month was expired , I went to see the Child , the sight of which put me too much in mind of the Father ; and I was then again sensibly afflicted at his absence , methoughts in that infancy there was so much resemblance of my beloved deceiver , that I kis'd the Infant not only for its own , but for the Fathers sake . I then returned home agen , and now after so long a time of retirement , I began to recover , not only my strength , but some additions to my beauty ; so that I having had 2 or 3 Suiters , when a Maid , who had forborn visiting me by occasion of my ilness , they now agen renew their suits ; but if I had some dislike for them before ; now I could not endure them in my company , they were such absolute Hobbinolls . Though I was was not satisfied in their frequent visits , yet my Father and Mother press'd me , not only to accept them , but also their suit , and make choice of one of them for a Husband , alledging , that you would never return ; and it would be not only safe , but necessary in time to bestow my self . This discourse did much disturb me , and I was so often troubled with my suiters , and disturbed and vexed by my Father and Mothers importunity , that I resolved to quit both , by leaving them , and therefore purposed to go to London , that I might not be troubled with the importunity of my Father and Mother ; nor the troublesome visits of my sweet-hearts . In persuance of this resolve , I fitted my self with all necessaries ; and that I might not wholly distract my Parents by my thus leaving them , I writ a Letter of excuse , and left it for them ; and so walking to the next great Town , attended the coming by of the Passage Coach , and in that got me a place to ride to London . I continued for some time in the Inne where the Coachman set me down , and the rest of his Passengers ; but knowing it would be impossible for me to continue long there , I gained acquaintance with the Maid of the house , and told my tale to her as well as I thought convenient . She understanding that I was willing to serve , and wanted a place ; and I acquainting her with my abilities , as that I could sew , wash , and starch , and do most necessary things required of a Servant , she soon procured me a Place in a house that entertained many Lodgers . I spent a quarter of a years time very privately and honestly in this service ; but then , our house being full of Lodgers , one of them cast a wanton eye on me , and being well pleased with my face , began to court me very familiarly ; although at first I opposed him and gave him nothing but slights and denials , yet he so managed his business by Presents which he gave me , and making use of all other opportunities that he gained his will of me , and I again entred the Lists of a Loving Combate . He took many opportunities for enjoyment , not only in the day time , but sometimes we spent whole nights in our amorous sports ; and though my Mr. and Mrs. did not discover any thing of the matter , yet another Gentleman , who was also a Lodger , and lay in the next Chamber to my friends , watching me , found out my haunt ; and therefore , he ( being as amorous as the other ) was desirous of sport , became a Suiter to me upon the same account . I absolutely deny'd him , for I thought it was enough to have to do with one man , and was resolved to venture my self no further ; but he taking the opportunity of the others absence , first treated me with Wine , then presented me with a Ring ; but all this would not do , till he in plain terms told me , that he knew very well I was not so hard hearted to every one ; for were Mr. such a one , nameing my friend , there , I would not deny him the courtesie : I at first made strange of this story , and deny'd it , but he falling into plain terms with me , and telling me that he had watched me such a night , when I lay with him , I could not then deny it , neither did I long deny or refuse him what he desired ; so that he likewise took his pleasure with me ; and having obtained his desire at that time , he made bold with me so often as he lifted , when the other was out of the way . I had now two Bedfellows , so that I could seldom lie alone , one of them would still bespeak me ; but the first of them did not know of the second , though he knew very well of the other : Though I had sport enough with these two , yet it was not long ere a third man likewise put in for a share with them , and that was my Masters Brother , he was a very pretty young man , and one whom I could well enough love for a Husband ; but he looked a little higher than to Marry a Servant maid : but as a Mistress he courted me . Many attempts he made in vain , but time that bringeth every thing to pass , made me flexible , and I likewise gave him possession of the thing he desired ; he took much pleasure in my company , and very respectful he was to me , often presenting me with Linnen and Laces , and sometimes a Crown or an Angel came from his Pocket , as well a● from the other two , who well fed me with mony , which I still pocketed up ; but as I got money , so again I got somewhat else , a great Belly , and which was the worst of my three friends , I knew not which was the Father , but if I am not mistaken , I believe it was my Masters Brother . But I was resolved the other two should help to Father it , or else pay for it ; and therefore I soon told them all three , as they had occasion to deal with me , in what condition I was . My first and oldest friend was most troubled at it , being , as he thought , the most concerned , because he knew not of any else that had to do with me ; he was somewhat startled at it , lest , as he said , his Wife should come to know it ; for , he was a Married man : and although his Wife came sometimes to Town , and would lie with him , yet he would sometimes before he went to bed to her , take his opportunity to have his pleasure with me : He , I say , was troubled at the News , but that did not hinder us in our purposed Nights lodging , only in the Intervals we considered what course to take ; at length it was resolved , that he would provide for me , the time of my lying Inn , and afterwards for the Child ; and in earnest of the charge , he soon gave me Twenty pound to provide me necessaries . I having now done with my first Customer , was resolved to get something of my second : but he still gave me the hearing , presuming on his knowledge of my having to do with the first : so that he would not on this occasion advance any thing , intending to shirk off , because no body knew what trade we did drive together . I perceiving his intention , was resolved to be even with him , and it may be out-wit him ; and that he might not distrust me , I seemed no ways dissatisfied , but gave him as much freedom with me as ever ; but to carry on my design , I thought good to break the business to my Masters Brother , wherefore I likewise acquainted him with my condition , and told him in plain terms , that I was with Child by him : He could not deny the Fact , nor make any excuse ; not knowing any thing of my dealings with the other two : but he was likewise very much surprised , but I doubting he might put me off , I took the opportunity of telling him this news , when we were in bed together , knowing there I should have time , and conveniency to discourse it . He knew not what to say , and indeed was very cold with me , and I was forced to help him out , for he was then a Suiter to a young Gentlewoman , and was fearful that this business would hinder his Fortunes : and though he lov'd me well enough , yet he was unwilling to Marry me ; for that would prove so disadvantagious to him : he supposing that nothing but Marriage would content me , was much troubled , and could not tell what answer to give : wherefore I was forced to break silence , and told him , that as I loved him , so I would shew him sufficient proofs of it , for I would not that my love should ruine him , as I knew it would , if the world should know what had passed between us ; and though nothing could satisfie me but Marriage , yet I could be content to wave that , and propo●e somewhat else of satisfaction : nay then , said he , if you will be so kind to me , propose your own terms , and take them : I hearing him thus generous , it was not long before we concluded upon terms , which were these , that he would give me Twenty pound down to bear my charges in the time of my Lying-Inn , and if the Child lived , he would give Fifty pound more to any person whom I would appoint to take the Child , and provide for it ; these terms I was well enough satisfied with , only I considering that he would hear of my lying with the other , because I intended to discover that to him , and have his assistance therein , and then I doubted he would suspect me , and it may be refuse to pay the Fifty pound when due ; therefore I was resolved to have him seal a Bond to me , for payment of it : and I urged him to do it out of this consideration , that he was to be Married : and though he now loved me well-enough , yet when he had a Wife , he would happily slight and forget me , and so refuse or neglect to pay it . He was content to hear my arguments : and though always protested a continuance of his love to me , notwithstanding all the Wives in the World ; yet he consented to give me Bond according to my desire . Thus every thing being agreed on , we again renewed our pleasures , and spent that night , as we had done many before , But morning being come , I arose , and so managed my affairs , that I that day had a Bond Sealed to me for payment of Fifty pound to be paid in six month ; I also within few dayes received of him the 20 l. he had promised me . Thus did I order my matters with my first and last Cu●tomers , and I gave them their wonted satisfaction of Lying with me so often as they pleased ▪ and so I did to the other my middle Customer , but do what I could , I could not bring him to any considerable Composition ; and though he were the best able , yet he offered me the least , and intended to come off with a trifle ; however I gave him his wonted freedom with me , but purposed ere long to be even with him , as I was . For one night being in Bed with my Masters Brother ; I having very well pleased him , he talked of his little Hains in Kelder , the Boy in my Belly , wishing very well to it , not in the least doubting but it was of his own begetting , using many words to that purpose : well Sir , said I , it is very true , it is yours , but if I would have been as free with others as I have been with you , it might have had more , if not another Father ; and thereupon I proceeded , and told how that I had been often importuned by Mr. such a one , his Brothers Lodger , and my Second Bedfellow . Well replyed ●e , I am the more beholding to you , that you have accepted of me rather than him ; but though I am not at all dissatisfied in what I have done , I wish he had been the Father for your sake as well as mine , for you may compel him to Marriage , or else get a considerable sum of money from him . As for Marriage , said I , I doubt I should hardly draw him to it , but some momes I might get of him , and would yet , if you will consent to it , and assist me therein . To this he answered , that in any thing I should desire , he would not be wanting , and therefore he bid me propound the way , and he would not fail in his assistance : I then told him , that I knew but one way to do it , and in that I must Play the disloyal wag with him , to do that which I had no mind : for that matter , said he , you shall have my consent , and I think I guess at your meaning , which is , that you must agree to let him lye with you ; wherefore since it will be so advantagious to you , let him do it ; for I am sure he can do me no great wrong , for notwithstanding what he can do , the Child will be all mine , of my own getting . He being so free to it , and agreeing to all things according to my desire , we resolved that I should permit my second Sweet-heart to lye with me ; but I should so order the matter , that he should take us in the manner , and then we would agree to act the rest very well . I now having laid my plot very well , and orderly , I appointed my time when I would lye with him , and agreed to leave the Chamber door open , that he , rising early the next morning , might ( pretending some business ) enter the Chamber , and find us in Bed together . Our Plot being thus laid , and my Second Sweet-heart desiring it , I promised to come to Bed to him about midnight , which I did ; but my Masters Brother knowing of my design , was resolved to have the first carving of me , and that he should only have a butter'd Bun ; and therefore caused me to lye with him all the former part of the night ; but midnight being past , he permitted me to proceed in my adventure . I was expected by my Bedfellow , and accordingly entertained ; but I minding the design I was about , awaked early in the morning , and so ordered the matter , that my Bedfellow likewise threw of his drowsiness to encounter with me in our nocturnal pastime , which when he had done , I began to discourse him , reasoning the cause with him , and desiring him to resove me what he would do for me in that condition I was , and what provision he would make for me . He gave me indifferent answers , and I grew passionate with him , and on a sudden the Chamber door opened , and my Masters Brother entred the room . I seeing this , left of speaking , and crouded my self close down into the Bed , as if pretending to hide my self ; but he coming boldly on , bid my Bedfellow Good morrow , and asking him a que●tion , came nearer the Bed-side , and drawing the Curtains , said , what have you a Bedfellow ? No said he , 〈◊〉 I ; surely said the other you have , for I am mistaken if I did not hear some other tongue than yours , the other deny●d it , but he knowing well enough what he had to do , soon found out where my Petticoats lay : How , said he , surely you have a Bedfellow , and that a Female one ; the other being thus surprized , knew not what to say : Wherefore my Mr. B●other proceeding , said , surely I should know these Coats , for if I am not mistaken , they are our Mai● Dorothys . I finding my self discovered , now appeared , and in the first place beg'd his pa●rdon , and that he would not acquaint my Master and Mistress with it . He seeming very angry , soundly ratled me and my Bedfellow , and said he , This is not the first time that you two have lain together , for I have long suspected you , and have watched you . Truly Sir , said I , it is true , this Gentleman hath long knew me , but I pray you make no more words at present , and for modesty sake leave the Chamber , and I will anone satisfie you further in every particular . My Bedfellow likewise requesting the same , very civilly left us , shutting the door after him . My Bedfellow was much surprized at this sudden accident , and I seemed to be so ; and quickly getting on my cloaths , arose and left him , retiring into my own Chamber , leaving him to consider of it . I having now done my business , by having a witness of my lying with him , was bold with him , to know what I should do in the case ; For , ( said I ) my Masters Brother will certainly acquaint my Master and Mistress with our actions , and then I must leave the house , and whether to go , I know not , nor who will entertain me . He argued that the other , my first Sweet-heart , must provide for me ; to this I told him , that I believed he would do somewhat for me , but he had a Wife , and could not do what he listed , whereas he on the contrary was a single man , and rich enough ; and he still endeavouring to put me off , and lay all upon the first , I in plain terms told him , That if he continued to say so , I would wholly deny my dealings with the other , and though he should avouch it ▪ yet he would not be believed , he being a party guilty , as could be proved by my Masters Brother ; and therefore it would be judged by all , that he , and he alone , was the Father of the Child and would be forced to Marry me , or at least provide for me and the Child . I having told him my resolution , left him to consider of it , and then my M●sters Brother came to him , and he and I together , so ordered the matter , that he gave me 20 l. down , and gave me Bond to pay 50 l. more at the Birth of the Child . This , said Mrs. Dorothy , was the first of my Adventures . And this shall be the last I shall relate to you in this part , referring the prosecution of her● and other adventures , to a Third Part. FINIS . 
A43147	----	The English rogue described, in the life of Meriton Latroon, a witty extravagant Being a compleat discovery of the most eminent cheats of both sexes. Licensed, January 5. 1666. English rogue. Part 1 Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? 1668 Approx. 734 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 239 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-05 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A43147 Wing H1248 ESTC R217345 99834724 99834724 39231 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A43147) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 39231) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1811:20) The English rogue described, in the life of Meriton Latroon, a witty extravagant Being a compleat discovery of the most eminent cheats of both sexes. Licensed, January 5. 1666. English rogue. Part 1 Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? [8], 128 [i.e. 304], 267-282, 145-160, 118, 121-129, [1] p., [2] leaves of plates : port. printed for Francis Kirkman, and are to be sold by him and Thomas Dring the younger, at the White-Lyon next Chancery-lane in Fleet street, London : 1668. By Richard Head, who signs the epistle to the reader. Running title reads: The English rogue: or, witty extravagant. Part I only of a work of fiction based upon the author's early life. Text continuous, in spite of the erratic pagination. Page 304 is mispaginated 128. Reproduction of the original at the Bodleian Library, Oxford, England. 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Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Rogues and vagabonds -- England -- Fiction -- Early works to 1800. Thieves -- Fiction -- Early works to 1800. 2003-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-12 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-02 Paul Schaffner Sampled and proofread 2004-02 Paul Schaffner Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Richard Head The Globe's thy Studye ; for thy boundless mind In a less limit cannot by confind . Gazing , I here admire : thy very lookes Show thou art read as well in men , as bookes . He that shall scan thy face , may judge by it , Thou hast an Headpeece that is throngd with wit. THE English Rogue DESCRIBED , In the LIFE OF MERITON LATROON , A Witty Extravagant . Being a Compleat Discovery OF THE Most Eminent CHEATS OF BOTH SEXES . Mans life 's a Play , the world a Stage , whereon Learn thou to play , or else be play'd upon . Si mihi praet●…ritos referat nune Jupiter annos , Qualis eram , &c. — Licensed , January 5. 1666. London , Printed for Francis Kirkman , and are to be sold by him and Thomas Dring the younger , at the White Lyon next Chancery lane in Fleet street . 1668. The Epistle to the Reader . Gentlemen , IT hath been too much the humour of late , for men rather to adventure on the Forreign crazy stilts of other mens inventions , then securely walk on the ground-work of their own home-spun fancies . What I here present ye with , is an original in your own Mother-tongue ; and yet I may not improperly call it a Translation , drawn from the Black Copy of mens wicked actions ; such who spared the Devil the pains of courting them , by listing themselves Volunteers to serve under his Hellish Banners ; with some whereof I have heretofore been unhappily acquainted , and am not ashamed to confess , that I have been somewhat soiled by their vitious practices , but now I hope cleansed in a great measure from those impurities . Every man hath his peculiar guilt , proper to his constitution and age : and most have had ( or will have ) their exorbitant exiliencies , erronious excursions , which are least dangerous when atrenoed by Youthfulness . This good use I hope the Reader will make with me of those follies , that are so generally and too frequently committed every where , by declining the commission of them ( if not for the love of virtue , yet to avoid the dismal effects of the most dangerous consequences that continually accompany them . ) And how shall any be able to do this , unless they make an introspection into Vice ? which they may do with little danger ; for it is possible to injoy the Theorick , without making use of the Practick . To save my Country-men the vast expence and charge of such experimental Observations , I have here given an accompt of my readings , not in Books , but Men ; which should have been buried in silence , ( fearing lest its Title might reflect on my Name and Reputation ) had not a publick good interceded for its publication , far beyond any private interest or respect . When I undertook this Subject , I was destitute of all those Tools ( Books , I mean ) which divers pretended Artists make use of to form some Ill-contrived design . By which ye may understand , that as necessity forced me , so a generous resolution commanded me to scorn a Lituanian humour or Custom , to admit of Adjutores tori , helpers in a Marriage-bed , there to engender little better then a spurious issue . It is a legitimate off-spring , I 'll assure yee , begot by one singly and soly , and a person that dares in spight of canker'd Malice subscribe himself A well-willer to his Countries welfare , Richard Head. On the approvedly-ingenious , and his loving Friend , Mr. Richard Head , the Author of this book . WHat Gusman , Buscon , Francion , Rablais writ , I once applauded for most excellent wit : But reading Thee , and thy rich Fancies store , I now condemne , what I admir'd before . Honceforth Translations pack away , be gone ; No Rogue so well writ , as our English one . M. Y. To his respected Friend , the Author . COuld I but reach Bayes from Apollo's Tree , I 'd make a Wreath to Crown thy Work and Thee ; Which yet is needless , now I think upon 't ; Thy own great Pen deservedly hath don 't . Of all who write of Thee , this is my Vogue , None ere writ better of , and is less Rogue . W. W. On his deserving friend the Author . FLetcher the King of Poets of his age , In all his writings throughout every page Made it his chiefest business to describe The various humours of the canting-Tribe : His Beggars-bush , and other of his Playes Did gain to him ( deservedly ) the Bayes . Nature and Art in him were both conjoyn'd ; None could ere say that his Wit was purloyn'd : Neither is thine : he did all fancies fill , From Kings and Queens , unto the Maid o' th' Mill ; And so canst thou , for thou hast here display'd The Vices of each Sex , and every Trade . Wherefore what he in his time wore , do thou Put on , a Wreath of Bays t' adorne thy brow . F. K. In stead of the Errata . THis Rogue hath had his Faults ; the Printers too : All Men whilst here , do erre ; and so may You. Books lately printed for , and sold by Francis Kirkman . THe English Rogue described in the Life of Meriton Latroon , a Witty Extravagant : Being a compleat discovery of the most eminent Cheats of both Sexes . Poor Robins Jeasts : Or , the compleat Jeste●… first and second Part ; being a Collection of several Jests not heretofore published , now newly composed and written by Poor Robin , Knight of the Burnt Island , and well-willer to the Mathematicks ; together with the true and lively Effigies of the Author . The Spightful Sister : a new Comedy , written by Abraham Bayly of Lincolns-Inn Gent. Money is an Ass , a Comedy , written by Tho. Jordan Gent. There is now in the Press , and will be published in few days , The English Rogue continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon , and other Extravagants , being a compleat discovery of the most Eminent Cheats of most Trades and Professions : the second Part. THE ENGLISH ROGUE Describ'd in the Life of a Witty Extravagant . CHAP. I. What his Parents were . The place of his own Nativity . His miraculous Escape from the hands of Irish Rebels . His brother being at that very time murdered by the merciless hands of those bloody Butchers . AFter a long and strict Inquisition after my Fathers Pedegree , I could not finde any of his Ancestors bearing a Coat : surely length of time had worn it out . But if the Gentle Craft will any wayes ennoble his Family , I believe I could deduce several of his Name , Professors of that lasting Art , even from Crispin . My Fathers Father had by his continual ●…abour in Husbandry , arrived to the height of a Farmer , then the Head of his Kinred : standing upon one of his own Mole-Hills , Ambition so sweled him , that he swore by his Plow-share , that his ●…ldest Son ( my Father ) should be a Scholliard and should learn so long , till he could read any printed or written hand ; nay , and if occasion should serve , write a Bill or Bond. It was never known that any of the Family could distinguish one letter from another , neither could they speak above the reach of their Horses understandings . Talk to them in any other Dialect but ●…at of a Bag-pudding of a Peck , or a piece of Beef , ( in which their teeth might step whet-shod ) and a man were as good to have discoursed with them in Arabick . But let me not abuse them ; for some understood something else ; that is to say , The Art of Whistling , Driving their Team , and to shooe themselves as well as their Horses ; how to lean methodically upon a Staff , and through the holes of their Hat , tell what it is a Clock by the Sun. The symmetrical proportion , sweetness of features , and acuteness of my Fathers wit , were such ( though extracted out of this lump of red and white marle ) that he was belov'd of all . As the loveliness of his person gain'd always an interest in Female hearts ; so the quickness of apprehension and invention , and the acquired quaintness of his expressions ; procured him the friendship of such as conversed with him . A Gentleman at length taking notice of more than ordinary natural parts in him , at his proper charge sent him to School contrary to the desire of his Father , who was able enough to maintain him at School ; and to say the truth , this Gentleman offered not my Father his Patronage upon any charitable account , but that he might hereafter glory in the being the chief instrument of bringing up such a fair promising Wit ; which he questioned not with good cultivation would bring forth such lovely fruit as would answer cost , and fully satisfie his expectation . Being admitted into the Grammar-School , by the strength of his memory , to his Masters great amazement , in a very short time he had Lillies Rules by heart , out-stripping many that for years had been entred before him : his Master perceiving what a stupendious proficiency he had made , was very glad that this fair opportunity offered it self , that he might be idle , and in order thereunto would frequently appoint my Fath●…r to be his Usher or Deputy , when he intended to turn Bacchanalian , to drink , hunt , or whore , to which vices he was over-much addicted . My Father having now conquered in a manner the difficulties of that Schools learning , began now to lay aside his Book , and follow the steps of his vicious learned Master , the examples of a Superior proving oftentimes guides to inferior actions , Regis ad exemplum — Besides his springing Age ( wherein the blood is hot and fervent ) spur'd him on , and the natural disposition of his minde , gave him wings to fly●… whither his unbounded , licentious , self-pleasing will would direct . His Youth introduced him into , all sorts of vanity , and his Constitution of body , was the Mother of all his unlawful pleasures . His Temperament gave Sense preheminence above Reason . Thus you see ( which experience can more fully demonstrate ) how the heat of Youth gives ●…wel to the Fire of Voluptuous Enjoyments ; but without a supply of what may purchase those delights , invention must be Tenter-hooked , which ever proves dangerous , most commonly fatal . My Grand-father too indulgent to his son , supply'd him continually with money ; which he did the more freely , since he was exempted from such charges which necessity required for my Fathers maintenance , he having now more than a bare competency , he not onely consents to the commission of evil , but tempts others to pe●…petrate the like . And now following his own natural proncness to irregular liberty , ●…iurnally suggests matter of innovation , not onely to his own , but others reasons . 〈◊〉 non citius 〈◊〉 quam in Deum delinquens , non citius surgens 〈◊〉 insurgens . No sooner relinquishing his bed , but delinquishing his Creator , No sooner rising , than rising against his God. In short , I know not whether he prevailed more on others , or others on him , for he was facile ; the best Nature is most quickly depraved , as the purest flesh corrupts soonest , and most noisom when corrupted . Yet notwithstanding these blooming debaucheries , he neglected not his Study so much , but that he capacitated himself for the University , and by app●…obation was sent thither by his Patron . He applyed himself close to his Book for a while , till he had adapted himself a companion for the most absolute critick could be selected out of any of the Colle●…ges : in the assured confidence of his own parts , he ventured among them , and left such remarks of his cutting wit in all companies he came into , that the Gallants and most notable . Wits of Oxford , covered so much his company , that he had not time to apply himself to his Study ; but giving way to their sollicitations , being prompted thereunto 〈◊〉 his own powerful inclinations , ●…lung'd himself over head and ears in all manner of 〈◊〉 . For his ●…ewd carriage , 〈◊〉 wicked practises , and 〈◊〉 behavior , he was at last 〈◊〉 the Colle●…ge . Now was he forc'd to return to his Father , who with much joy received him , but would not tell him the true cause of his coming down : But to palliate his vi●…lanies , inform'd his Father that he had learned as much as he could be instructed in ; and now and then would sprinkle his Discourse with a Greek or Latine Sentence , when talking with the poorignorant old Man ; who took wonderful delight in the meer sound thereof . When my Father spake at any time , they were all as silent as midnight ; and then would my Grandfather with much admiration becken to the standers by , to give their greatest attention , to what the Speaker as little understood at his Auditors , not caring what non-sense he utter'd , if wrapt up in untelligble hard words , purposely to abuse those brutish Plough-jobbers . In ostentation he was carried to the Parson of the Parish to discourse with him ; who by good fortune understood no other Tongue but what his Mother taught him ; My Father perceiving that , made Shoulderamutton and Rat●…thumpton serve for very good Greck ; which the Parson confirm'd : telling my Grandfather further , that his Son was an excellent Scholar ; protesting that he was so deeply learned , that he spake things he understood not ; this I have heard him say , made him as good sport , as ever he receiv'd in the most ingenious Society . He had not been long in the Countrey , before a Gentle woman taking notice of his external and internal Qualifications , fell deeply in love with him ; and preferring her own pleasure before the displeasure of her wealthy Relations , she incontinently was married to him . I shall wave how it was brought about in every particular , but onely instance what is therein remarkable . Doubtless the gestures he used in his preaching ( when she was present ) might something avail in the conquest of her affections ; beginning with a dearly beloved passionately extended , looking full in her face all the while , and being in the time of the Kingdomes alteration and confusion , a temporizing Minister , he had learned all those tricks by which those of his Sect and Coat used to bewitch a female ear . But that which chiefly effected his desires , was the assurance of an old Matron , that lived near my Mother , who for profit serupled not to officiate a Bawd ; this good old Gentlewoman contrived wayes to bring them together , unsuspected by any , by which means they obtain'd the opportunity to perform Hymens Rites , Sans Ceremonies of the Church . My mother finding impregnation , acquainted my Father therewith , who ( glad to hear how fast he had tied her to him ) urged her to the speedy Consummation of a Legal Marriage ; which she more longed for than he did himself , but knew not how to bring it to pass , by reason of those many Obstacles which they saw obvious , and thwarting their intentions . As first , the vast disproportion between their Estates ; Next , the Antipathy her Parents bore to his Function . Joyning these to many other Obstructions , which Fancy and Knowledge presented to them , they concluded to sreal a Wedding , and accordingly did put it in execution . Much troubled her Parents were at first , to hear how their daughter had fhip-wrackt her Fortune ( as they judged it ) in the imfortunate loosing her Maiden-head , but time , with the intercession of Friends , procured a Reconciliation between them , and all parties well pleased . The old people took great delight in their fortune , hopeful thoughts and expectations of their Son-in-law , but he more in the reception of a large Sum of Money they paid him , and my mother most of all ( as she thought ) in the continual conversation and enjoyment of my Farther , which she equally ranked with what might be esteemed the best of things . His eminent Parts natural , ( and what he attain'd unto by his Country studies , being asham'd to have lost so much time ) introduc'd him as a Chaplain to a Noble-man , with whom he travel'd into Ireland . He took shipping at Myneard , and from thence , sayled to Knock-f●…rgus , where he lived both creditably and comfortably . Experience had then so reformed his Life to so strict a religious course , that his Observers gain'd more by his Example , than his Hearers by Precepts . Thus by his piety in the purity of its practice , he soon regain'd his lost credit . By this time my Mother grew near her time , having conceiv'd me in England , but not conceiving she should thus drop me in an Irish Bog . There is no fear that England and Ireland will after my decease , contend about my Nativity , as several Countreys did about H●…mer ; either striving to have the honour of first giving him breath . Neither shall I much thank my Native Countrey , for bestowing on me such principles as I and most of my Countrey-men drew from that very Air ; the place I think made me appear a Bastard in disposition to my Father . It is strange the Clymate should have more prevalency over the Nature of the Na●…ive , than the disposition of the Parent . For though Father and Mother could neither flatter , deceive , revenge , equivocate , &c. yet the Son ( as the consequence hath since made it appear ) can ( according to the common custom of his Countrey-men ) dissemble and sooth up his Adversary with expressions extracted from Celestial Manna , taking his advantage thereby to ruine him : For to speak the truth , I could never yet love any but for some by-respect , neither could I ever be perswaded into a pacification with that man who had any way injured me , never resting satisfied till I had accomplisht a plenary revenge , which I commonly effected under the pretence of great love and kindness . Cheat all I dealt withal , though the matter were ever so inconsiderable . Lye so naturally , that a Miracle may be as soon wrought , as a Truth proceed from my mouth . And then for Equivocation , or Mental Reservations , they were ever in me innate Properties . It was alwayes my resolution , rather to die by the hand of a common Executioner , than want my revenge , though ever so slightly grounded . But I shall desist here to characterize my self further , reserving that for another place . Four years after my Birth , the Rebellion began so unexpectedly , that we were forced to flee in the night ; the light of our flaming Houses , Ricks of Hay , and Stacks of Corn , guided us out of the Town , and our Fears soon conveyed us to the Mountains . The Rebels , wandring to and fro , intending either to meet with their friends , ( who flockt from all parts to get into a Body ) or else any English , which they designed as sacrifices to their implacable malice , or inbred antipathy to that Nation , met with my Mother , attended by two Scullogues , her menial servants , the one carrying me , the other my brother . The Fates had decreed my brothers untimely death , and therefore unavoidable , the faithful infidel being butchered with him . The surviving servant who carried me , declared that he was a Roman Catholick , and imploring their mercy with his howling Chram a Crees , for St. Patrick a gra , procured my Mothers , his own , and my safety . Thus was I preserv'd , but I hope not reserv'd as a subject for Divine Vengeance to work on . Had I then died , no other guilt could have rendred me culpable from Gods Tribunal , but what was derivative before Adam . But since , the concatenation of sins various links hath encompassed the whole series of my life . Now to the intent I may deter others from perpetrating the like , and receive to my self Absolution ( according as it is promised ) upon unseigned Repentance , and ingenious Confession of my nefarious Facts , I shall give the Readers a Summary Relation of my Life ; from my Non-age to the Meridian of my dayes , hoping that my Extravagancies and youthful Exiliences , have in that state of life , their declination and period . CHAP. II. A short Account of the general Insurrections of the Irish , Anno 1641. But though the mercy of these inhumane Villaius extended to the saving of our Lives , yet they had so little consideration and commiseration , as to expose our bodies ( by stripping us ) stark naked to the extremity of a cold Winter Night , not so much as sparing my tender age . Thus without Shooes or Stockings , or the least Rag to cover our nakedness , with the help of our Guide , we travelled all night through Woods as obscure as that black darkness that then environed our Horizon . By break of day we were at Belfast ; about entering the skirts of the Town , this honest and grateful servant , ( which is much in an Irish man ) being then assured of our safety , took his leave of us , and returned to the Rebels . Here were we received with much pitty of all , and entertain'd , and cloth'd , and fed , by some charitable minded Persons ; to gratifie their souls for what they had done for my mothers body , and those that belong'd to her , my Father frequently preacht , which gave general satisfaction , and continued thus in instructing his hearers , till the Sark or Surplice , was adjudged by a Scóttish Faction , to be the absolute Smock of the Whore of Babylon . Then was he constrain'd to flie again to Linsegarvy , taking his charge with him . Before I proceed , give me leave to digress a little , in giving you a brief account of the Irish Rebellion , Not two yeares before it broke out , all those ancient Animosities , Grudges , and Hatred , which the Irish had ever been observed to bare unto the English , seemed to be deposited and buried in a firm Conglutination of their Affections , and National Obligations , which passed between them . For these Two had lived together forty Years in peace , with such great security and comfort , that it had in a manner consolidated them into one body , knit and compacted together with all those Ligatures of Friendship , Alliance , and Consanguinity , as might make up a constant and everlasting Union betwixt them there . Their Inter-marriages were near upon as frequent as their Gossippings and Fosterings , ( relations of much dearness among the Irish ) together with all Tenancies , Neighborhoods and Services interchangeably passed among them . Nay , they had made as it were a mutual Transmigration into each others manners , many English being strongly degenerated into Irish Affections and Customes , and many of the better sort of Irish studying as well the Language of the English , as delighting to be Apparrel'd like them . Nay , so great an advantage did they find by the English Commerce and Cohabitation , in the profits and high improvements of their Lands , as Sir Phelim O Noal , that rebellious Ring-leader , with divers others eminent in that bloody Insurrection , had not long before turn'd off their Lands , their Irish Tenants , admitting English in their rooms ; who were able to give them far greater Rents , and more certainly pay the same . So as all those circumstances duly weighed and considered with the great increase of Trade , and many other evident Symptoms of a flourishing Common-wealth ; It was believed even by the wisest and most experienced in the Affairs of Ireland , that the Peace and Tranquility of that Kingdom was fully settled , and most likely in all humane probability to continue , especially under the Government of such a King as Charles the First , whom After-ages may admire , but never match . Such was the serenity and security of this Kingdom , as that there appeared not any where any Martial preparations , for reliques of any kinde of disorders , no not so much as the least noise of War whisperingly carried to any ear in all this Land. Now whilest in this great calm , the Brittish continued in the deepest security , whilest all mon sar pleasantly enjoying the fruits of their own labors , sitting under their own ( Vines , without the least thoughts of apprehensions of Tumulcs , Troubles , or Massacres , there brake out on October the Twenty third , in the Year of ●…our Lord , sixteen Hundred forty and one , almost desperate , direful , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Rebellion , an Universal Desection 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , wherein not 〈◊〉 the meer Native 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 almost all those English that profest the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 were totally involved 〈◊〉 solved by me to give you a 〈◊〉 the most remarkable Transactions and 〈◊〉 my life , it will be also necessary to acquaint you with the beginning and first mo●… Neither shall I omit to trace the Progress of 〈◊〉 Rebellion , since therein , I shall relate sum●… 〈◊〉 and what others underwent , 〈◊〉 of the Irish , and their abomi●… committed , as well without number , as without mercy , upon the English Inhabitants of both Sexes , and all Ages . It was carried with such secresie , that none understood the Conspiracy , till the very evening that immediately preceded the night of its general execution . I must confess there was some such thing more than suspected by one Sir William Cole , who presently sent away Letters to the Lord Chief Justices , but miscarried by the way . Omen O Conally ( though meer Irish , was notwithstanding a Protestant ) was the first discoverer of this general Insurrection , giving in the Names of some of the chief Conspirators . Hereupon the Lords convened and sate in Council , whose care and prudence at that time was such , that some of the Ring-leaders were instantly seized , and upon examination , confest that on that very day of their surprizal , all the Ports and Places of strength in Ireland , would be taken ; that there was a considerable number of Gentlemen and others , twenty out of each County , were come up expresly to surprize the Castle of Dublin . Adding further , that where was to be done in the Countrey ( where Mercury the swist Messenger ) could neither by the wit of man , or by Letter , be prevented . Hereupon a strict search was made for all strangers lately come to 〈◊〉 and all Horses were seized on , whose owners could not give a good account of them . And notwithstanding , there was a Proclamation disperst through all Ireland , giving notice of a horrid Plot designed by Irish Papists , against English Protestants , intending thereby a discouragement to such of the Conspirators , as yet had not openly declared themselves . Yet did they assemble in great number , principally in the North , in the Province of Ulster , taking many Towns , as the Newry , Drummoore , &c. burning , spoiling , and committing horrible murthers every where . These things wrought such a general consternation and astonishment in the mindes of the English , that they thought themselves no where secure , flying from one danger into another . In a very short time , the meer Irish Northern Papists by closly persuing on their first Plot , had gotten into their possession most of the Towns , Forts , Castles , and Gentlemens Houses , within the Counties of Tyron , Denegal , Fermanah , Armab , Canan , &c. The chief that appeared in the Execution of this Plot , within the Province of Ulster , were Sir Phelim O Neal , Tourlough his Brother , Roure Mac Cuire , Phillip O Rely , Sir Conne Mac Gennis , Mac Brian , and Mac Mahan , these combining with their Accomplices dividing their Forces , and according to a general Assignation , surprized the Forts of Dongannon , and Mon●…joy , Carlemont , with other places of considerable strength . Now began a deep Tragedy : The English having either few other than Irish Landlords , Tenants , Servants , Neighbors , or familiar Friends , as soon as this fire brake out , and the whole Country in a general Conflagration , made their recourse presently to some of these , lying upon them for protection and preservation , and with g eat confidence trusted their lives and all their concerns in their powers . But many of these in short time after , either betrayed them to others , or destroyed them with their own hands . The Popish Priests had so charged and laid such bloody impressions on them , as it was held according to their Doctrine they had received , a deadly sin to give an English Protestant any relief . All bonds of Faith and Friendship now fractur'd , Irish Landlords now prey'd on their English Tenants ; Irish Tenants and Servants , made a Sacrifice of their English Landlords and Masters , one Neighbor murthering another ; nay , 't was looked on as an act meritorious in him that could either subvert or 〈◊〉 an English man ; The very Children 〈◊〉 the cruelty of their Parents , of which I shall 〈◊〉 a mark with ●…e to my Grave , given me 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 by one of my Irish Play-fellows . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 high time to flie , although we knew not 〈◊〉 ; every place we arriv'd at we thought least 〈◊〉 , wherefore our motion was continual ; and that which heightned our misery , was our frequent stripping thrice a day and in such a dismal stormy 〈◊〉 season , as the memory of man had never observ'd to 〈◊〉 so long together . The terror of the Irish and Scorch incomparably prevailed beyond the rage of the Sea , so that we were resolved to use all possible means to get on Shipboard . At B●…fast we accomplisht our desires , com●…ing our selves to the more merciful Waves . This Relation being so short , cannot but be very imperfect , yet if I dare credit my mother , it is not stain'd with falshood . Many horrid things ( I consess ) I purposely omitted , as desiring to wave any thing of aggravation , or which might occasion the least Animofity between two , though of several Languages , yet I hope both ●…ited in the demonstration of their consrant Loyalry to their Soveraign Charles the Second . CHAP. III. After his arrival in Devonshire , he briefly recounts what Waggeries he committed , being but a Childe . BEing about 5. years of age , Report rendred me a very beautiful Childe , neither did it ( as most commonly ) prove a Lyar. Being enricht with all the good properties of a good face , had not pride in that my render age , depriv'd me of those graces and choise ornaments which compleat both form and feature . Thus it happen'd , My Father kept commonly many Turkeys ; one amongst the rest could not endure the fight of a Red Coat , which I usually wore : But that which most of all exasperated my budding passion , was , his assaulting my bread and butter , and in stead thereof , sometimes my hands ; which caused my bloomy Revenge to use this Stratagem : I enticed him with a piece of Custard ( which I temptingly shewed him , not without some suspition of danger which fear suggested , might attend my treachery , and so led him to the Orchard-gate , which was made to shut with a pulley ; he reaching in his head after me , I immediately clapt fast the Gate , and so surprized my mortal Foe : Then did I use that llttle strength I had , to beat his brains out with my Cat-stick ; which being done , deplum'd his tayl , sticking those feathers in my Bonnet , as the insulting Trophies of my first and latest Conquest . Such then was my pride , as I nothing but gazed up at them ; which so tried the weakness of my eyes , and so strain'd the Optick Nerves , that they ran a tilt at one another , as if they contended to share with me in my victory . This accident was no small trouble to my Mother , that so doated on me , that I have often heard her say , She forgot to eat ( when I sat at Table ) for admiring the sweetness of my Complexion . After she had much grieved her self to little purpose , she consulted with patience , and applied her self to skilful Occulists , to repair the loss this face-blemishing had done so sweet a countenance , though for the present it eclipsed my Mothers glory and pride , yet Time and Art reduced my eyes to their proper station ; so that within six Years their oblique aspects were hardly discernable . When I was about ten Years old , I have heard some say , that this cast of my eyes was so far from being a detriment , that it became my ornament . Experience confirm'd me in this belief ; for they prov'd as powerful , as the perswasive arguments of my deluding tongue ; both which conjoyn'd , were sufficient ( I speak it not vain gloriously ) to prevail even over the Goddess of Chastity , especially when they were backt on with ardent desires , and an undaunted resolution But to my purpose : Being driven out of Ireland , there being at that time no place of safety in that Kingdom , my Mother taking me with her , ( being compelled to leave my Father behind , barbarously murdered by the Rebels for being a Protestant Preacher ) she adventured to Sea , not caring whither she went. Foulness of weather drove us upon the Coast of France , where we were forced to land , to repair what damage the Ship had sustained in stress of weather . From hence we set sail , and landed in the West of England , at a place called Barnstable in the County of Devon. Here we were joyfully received , and well entertained by some of my Mothers kindred at first ; but lying upon them , they at length grew weary ; so that we were forced to go from thence to Plimouth , so called from the River Plime , unto which the Town adjoyneth ; at that time it was strongly fortified by new rais'd Works , a Line being cast about it , besides places of strength antiently built ; as the Castle , the Fort of an hundred pieces of Ordnance , that commands Cat-water , and overlooks the Sound , Mount Batten , and the Islands in the Sound , well furnished with Men and great Guns impregnable ; had they been never built or demolished , raced assoon as raised on their Basis , it had been much better then to have prov'd the Fomenters of Rebellion in the late Wars for a whole year , daily thundring Treason against their lawful Soveraign . We being here altogether unacquainted both with the people and their profestion , my Mother having an active brain , casts about with her self how she should provide for her charge , but sound no way more expedient , than the pretention of Religion . Zeal now and Piety were the onely things sheseem'd to prosecute , taking the literal sense of the Text ; Without doubt Godliness is great gain : But she err'd much in the profession and seasonable practice thereof ; Hers being according to the mind of the true Church , the Church of England , whereas the Plymotheans were at that time Heterodox thereunto , and led away as the rest of their Brethren called Roundheads , by the spirit of delusion . Finding how much she was mistaken , the chang'd quickly her No●…e and Coat ; a rigid Presbyterian at first , but that proving not so profitable , instantly transform'd her self into a strickt Independant . This took well , which made her stick close to the Brethren , which rais'd their spirits to make frequent contribution in private to supply her wants . Here we had borrowed so much of the Sisterhood ▪ who vildly suspected my Mother to be too dearly beloved by the Brotherhood , that it was high time to rub off to another place , left staying longer , the holy Mask of Dissimulation should fall off ; and she being detected , be shamefully excluded their Congregation , and so delivered up to be buffeted by Satan . Before I leave the Town , give me leave to take a short view thereof . Eorn●…erly it was a poor small fishing Village , but now so large and throng'd with Inhabitants ( many where of very wealthy Merchants ) that as it may be compared with , so may it put in its claim for the name of a City . Havens , as there are many so commodious , which without striking sail , admit into the bosome there of the tallest Ships that be , harbouring them very safely , and is excellently well fortified against hostility . It is scituate alike for profit and pleasure ; in brief , it wants little that the heart of man would enjoy , from the various productions of the whole Universe . Now farewel Plymoth , no matter whither we went , for where-ever we came ; we found still some or other that gave us entertainment for those good parts they found in my Mother , she being very well read both in Divinity and History , and having an ●…loquent tongue , she commonly appli'd her self to the Minister of the Town ; who wondring to see so much learning and perfection in a Woman , either took us into his own house for a while , or gathered some contributions to supply our present necessities ; with which we travelled to the next Town : And in this manner we strouled or wandred up and down , being little better than mendicant Itinerants . Staying so little time in a place , and my Mother being more careful to get a subsistance , than to season my tender years with the knowledge of Letters , I was ten years old before I could read . Travelling through many Towns unfit for our purpose , we at last took up our seat for a while at Birdport in Dorse●…shire , here being asham'd to go to School in this ignorance , I apply'd my self to my Mother , who taught me to apprehend the Alphabet in less hours than there are letters ; so that in a short time , I could read distinctly , and immediately introduc'd into the Grammar-School ; where I had not been long , before I became a Book-worm , securing as many as lay in my way , if convenient privacie serv'd . And to the intent that my Thests might pass undiscovered , before I would vend what Books I had stoln , I usually metamorphized them : If new , I would gash their skin ; and if the leaves were read , I would make them look pale for the wounds they received : If much used , tear out all the remarks , and paint their old faces , and having so done , make sale of them . This course I followed a long time undiscovered , which cost many a Boy a Whipping at home by their Parents , as well as Master . I had various uses for my money I made thereof ( you must think ) but principally to bribe some of the upper Form to make my Exercises ; which were so well liked of by my Master , that I still came off with applause ; and in short time so advanc'd , that I was next to the highest Form , when I understood not the lowest Author we read . I was forced to imploy my Wits in the management of my hands , to keep rouch with my Pensioners , left they failing me for want of encouragement , my Master should discover how much my Dunceship was abused . Frequent were my Truantings , which were always attended with some notorious Fact besides small Faults , as robbing of Orchards , pulling the first and seconds of forty or fifty Geese at a time , milking the Cows or Goats into my Hat , and so drink the milk : And then for Poultry , there was seldome a day escaped wherein I had not more or less , usually I took them thus : At night I haunted the Hen-roosts , taking them off so quietly from what they stood on , that their keckling noise seldome alarm'd the rest ; if I could not conveniently carry them off , I made their Eggs compound for their Heads . If I met with any Geese at any time , them out came my short stick with a string fastened to a bullet , and tied to the end thereof , with this would I fetch in my Game by the neck ; the weight of the bullet twirling the string so many times about the neck , that they could not di●…ingage themselves from inevitable destruction . I used to fish for Ducks , baiting my Hook with a gut or some such trash ; and laying it on a piece of Corke , that swiming it might be the sooner perceived , I could carch in a short time as many as I pleased : Nay , I have not onely thus deceived these ●…ame Fowl ; but the same way with a longer time , I have caught Gulls and other Sea-Birds . What I had gotten by these cunning ( and so much to be feared tricks ) I carried to a house that encouraged me in my Roguery , participating of the cheer , and so feasting me for my pains . If I had stoln any thing , I had my recourse to them , who would give me two pence for what was worth a shilling , and render me good content . I knew my punishment for my rambling , and valued it not ; therefore little hope of reformation from thence . Nay , for very small faults I wisht to be whipt , knowing the Rod would then be laid on gently ; which carried with it a tickling pleasure . As for my Thefts and Rogueries abroad , I was careful they should not be discovered . If any Boy had injur'd me whose strength exceeded mine , so that I durst not cope with him , I would exercise my revenge upon him privately , concealing the resentment of the injury he did me ; For to grin and not bire , doth but perswade an Adversary to knock out those teeth that may prove sometime or other injurious . One common trick I had , was to stick a Pin on the board whereon he was to sit : in this manner did I serve several ; in which fact I was at last taken ; The punishment my Master inflicted on me , was : To sit by his Desk alone , and compose a Copy of Verses ; there was great likelihood I should perform my task , when I knew not how many feet an Hexameter required ; and yet I then read Virgil. However some thing I must attempt , and thinking Saphicks , and Iambicks too difficult , I ventur'd upon Heroicks , supposing them the easier composition . But Lord into what an excess of laughter did my Master fall into , when he perused my hobling strains ; Surely said he , these Verses are running a race altogether , the first did not start fairly , or else is a very nimble Gentleman , for he hath out-run all his fellows four feet ? the second comes two soot short of him , yet too forward for a true pace ; here is another lame in a foot , and 〈◊〉 most scurvily ; here is another whose quanti●… is short , and hath gotten upon stilts to seem long , and one ( in contradiction to him ) which is long , because he will be short hath cut his own Legs off : With these and the like speeches did he please himself in his own wit , ( which I understood but little ) and after he had tired himself and me too , with prodigal talk : He then spake to me in a harder dialect , making me understand how ignorant I was , and how much precious time ( irrecoverably ) I had lost , which so much seiz'd on my spirits , that I was much griev'd and troubled , so that he made Vermilion tears run down my cheeks , &c. After he had bestowed so much correction as he thought might work in me penitence for my egregious truanting he degraded me , and made me begin anew . The shame whereof , and reproach I daily received from my School-fellows , I could not bear ; wherefore I prevailed on my Mothers Indulgence , to let me regain what I had lost at home , which she consented to . But perceiving my Lecherous inclinations , by my night-practises with her Maid , resolved to send me to a Boarding School : For our Family being but small , I lay with the Maid : being so young , my Mother did not in the least suspect me ; but my too forward Lechery would not let me lie quiet , putting her frequently to the squeak . In sine , I was sent away a great distance to a very severe and rigid Master . I no sooner commenced Scholar to this Tyrant Pedagogue , but I was kept close to my Book ; and lest my Wit should be any ways dull'd , my stomack was always kept sharp ; which quickned my invention , to supply what was deficient . There is no complaint so insufferable as the grumbling of empty and dissatisfied Guts . My greatest care was to infinuate my self into the favour of the Servant-Maids , knowing they lov'd to play at Small Game rather than stick out . I performed my business so well , that my stomack was alwayes satiated , when the rest of the Boarders were dissatisfied ; often going to bed in a manner supperless . Here I was depriv'd of my old pilfering way , because I had no convenience for the disposal of what was stole , it being but a very small Village . However to keep my hand in use , I daily practised on Fruit , sometimes with a Spar sharpned at one end , I prickt the Apples out of the Baskets : at other times I took with me a Comrade , and then thus would we do . I would go to a Fruiterer and bargain with him for a penny worth or more of Apples , receiving them into my Hat , pretending to draw my money out , I did clap my Hat between my Legs , my Partner perceiving that ( as we had afore plotted it would be ) behind , snatcht it through my Legs and ran away with it , I thereupon did use to roar out as if I had been undone , and pretending to run after him to regain my Hat , we got out of sight and then shared the booty . One time coming along the Market , I saw a small basket of Cherries , I demanded of the woman that sold them , what she would have for as many as I could take up in my hand ; she looking upon it and seeing it was but a very small one , proportionable to my Stature , two pence said she ; with that , I laid her down her price , and took up basket and all the Cherries therein contain'd , and in a sober pace carried them away . The woman amazed that she should be thus surprized by such a Younker , followed me ; and making a great noise , gathered a conflux of people about us , and among the rest a Gentleman of quality , who was very earnest to know what the matter was : Holding my purchase fast in my hands ( for nothing could perswade me to let go that booty I had so fairly obtained ) I desired the Gentleman that he would be judge of my cause , whereupon I related to him in what manner I bargained with the woman , and that I had done nothing unjustly , but what was according to our contract . The Gentleman wondring at the pregnancy of wit in so tender an age , laught hear●…ily , and condemn'd the Cherries for my proper use , but withal paid the woman for them . I was naturally so prone to please my senses , so that I cared not what course I took that I might obtain my desires . I appli'd my self more to my Wit and invention , than I should have done , had I had any thing allowed me from a Friend for a moderate expence . But my Mother thought otherwise . knowing by infallible symptoms , the extravagantness of my inclinations , and therefore debard me as much she could the very fight of money . A River confined within some made Bank , deterring its natural course , will ( when that is overthrown which impeded its progress ) flow with the greater impetuosity : Youth may for a while be circumscribed as to its desires ; but if his inclination prompt him to the enjoyment of sensual delights , sooner or later he will raste their relish ; and better early than late . Before the Noon of his days approach , Experience may reform his Life and Conversation ; though from the Dawning Morning thereof , till the Meridian , his Actions have been nothing else but the Extract of all manner of Debauchery . But ( 't is commonly observed ) : That Man which in the Declination of Age tracks the by-paths of Vice and Licentiousness , seldome defists till Deaths cuts off his passage ; never leaving off doting on such false and immaginary pleasures , till the Grim Pale-●…ac't Messenger takes him napping . Thus much by way of digression . Our Master was very ancient , however resolv'd that his Age should not hinder his Teaching : for if he found himself indisposed , he would send for us all into his Bed Chamber , instructing us there : A man of so strange a temper , that he delighted to invert the course of Nature ; lying in bed by day , and walking in the night , the rain seldome deterring him . On a time above the rest , a Gentleman had sent his Son five pieces of Gold to give his Master for Diet , &c. Our Master receiving them , called for a small Cabinet that stood in the room , which I ( more officious than the rest ) brought him . Having put in the Gold , he commanded me to carry it from whence I had it : which I did ; well considering the weight thereof , being , though small , very heavy . The Devil presently became my Tutor , suggesting to my thoughts various ways for the gaining this money . At last I resolved to take the impression of the Key in wax ; which with much difficulty I obtain'd , and carried it to a Smith four miles distant . The old Fellow ( immediately upon my proposal ) suspected me ; ( doubtless he was acquainted with such kind of devices ) and questioning me what I intended thereby , I was forced to betake my self to my Legs for safety , not knowing what answer to make him . The Smith seeing me run , thinking to benefit himself by apprehending me pursued after , with a red hot iron in his hand which his haste had made him forget to lay aside ; one standing by me ( just as the Smith had almost overtaken me ) seeing him come running with a hot iron in his hand , and fearing left his blind passion might prompt him to mischief me , struck up his heels , who in the fall gave himself a burnt mark in the hand , which no doubt he had long agoe dese●…'d ; my unknown friend would not suffer him to rise , till I was out of sight . My first stratagem not suiting with my purpose , I try'd a Pick-lock of mine own invention : but that would not effect my design neither ; so that I concluded to take Cabinet and all , and in order thereunto watcht my opportunity when he should walk abroad according to his custom at night . It was not long ere I enjoyed my wishes . My masters custom was to walk abroad at nights , and sleep in the day time ; inverting the course of Nature : soreknowing his intention , I got into the Chamber , and conceald my self under the Bed. So finding my way clear , I convey'd my self and purchase out of the House ; and travelled all night . In the morning I found my self near a small Town , about sixteen miles distant from the place whence I came . Thinking my self now secure , I thought it very requisite here to repose my wearied Limbs , and solace my self with the sight of what I had gotten : but it was not long after that I was so lac'd for it , that comparatively to my punishment , Bridewel whipping is but a pastime . The first Bush I came at , I went in and called for Sack , having never tasted any , and hearing much talk thereof ; at which the people of the House much admired , that so small an Urchin as I should call for such costly Liquor . They viewed me very intuitively , but more especially the Cabinet , which caused them to suspect me . The Master of the house was acquainted herewith , who as the Devil would have it was a Puritan , and a Conestable too too officious and severe . Without craving pardon for his bold intrusion , he desired me I would admit him into my Boy-ships society . I confess his gray hairs and sowre countenance made me at first sight , very much fear what the event of his visit would prove : However with a seeming undauntedness , I drank to him ( but what a difference of taste there was in that and the first glass I drank Solus : at length he began to ask me divers questions , Whence I came ? Whither I was going ? What was contained within that Cascanet ? and the like . Before I could give the resolution of what they demanded , the Hue and Cry overtook me : presently I was laid hold on . And my treasure taken from me : that which vext me as much as my Surprizal was , I had no further time to try what kind of taste the Sack had . Various were the talk of the people , every one spending his Verdict on me . This is a prime young Rogne indeed to begin thus soon , said one ; could be have seen , when in his Mothers belly , surely be would have stoln something thence . Another said , Forward fruit was soon rotten ; and since I began to steal whilest a child , I should be hanged before I should write Man. Ready to die with fear , I was sent back to the place whence I came , and from thence to the place of Execution , had not the tenderness of my age , and fewness of years , procured pity from my injur'd master . Confin'd I was within his house , lockt up close Prisonner in a Chamber , till that he could acquaint my Mother with what had past . In this time I was not debarr'd of my sustenance , though my Commons were Epitomiz'd , neither was I altogether deprived of society , for I was daily visited by my Master , attended with a Cat of Nine-tails ( as he call'd it ) being so many small cords , with which he fley'd my buttocks ; and when he found me stubborn , or not penitent enough as he thought , after he had skin'd my podex , he would wash it with vinegar , or water and salt . Within a week my Mother arriv'd , who hearing of my Rogueries , was so impatient , that she would needs take me to task her self ; but when she had untrust me , and saw me in so woful a plight , my shirt being as stiff as Buckram with blood , and my tender Breech plow'd and harrowed , fell down as if she had been about to expire recovering , my Master endeavoured to pacifie her , by telling her , that great offences , required great punishments ; and the way to bend and Oak , is to do it whilst its young ; I had once when young ( said he ) a Spaniel which would find out the Hens nest , and breaking the Eggs suck them , so that we could never have any Chickens , at last discovering who was the malefactour ; I bethougt my self of this punishment which should hinder him from ever doing ●…he like . I got an Egg roasted so hard till the shell was ready to burn , then did I first show the Egg to the Dog , and then clapt it hot into his mouth holding his jaws close , this so tormented him by burning , that ever after he could not indure the sight thereof ; but if shown run away ciying as if he had been beaten . Thus for this notorious fact your Son must be so sharply chastized , that when he thinks of stealing , he shall remember those torments he once indured for it , and so frighten him from executing any such crime . Many more arguments he alleadg'd to that purpose , which had satisfied her well in his severity , had not natural affection interposed . Whatto do with me , she knew not ; wherefore she consulted with my Master , who told her , He durst not keep me longer , the Country people bringing in daily complaints against me . And to aggravate my Mother the more , he briefly summ'd up my faults in this manner ; having had justly various accusers , who drew up my indictment , Thus. Imprimis , That one of his Maids having crost me ( to be reveng'd of her , knowing she was a drowsie wench , when asleep , not easily wak't ) as she slept by the fire , I took my opportunity , and melted some glew , and gently toucht the closure of both her eye-lids with a pencil which well I knew would lock up her sight . Against the time I intended to wake her , I placed all about her Chairs and Stools . The Plot being ripe , I pretended her Mistriss called . The wench starting up and running rubbing of her eyes turn'd ropsie turvy over the chairs , getting up she engag'd her self with the stools , and so entangled her self therein , that endeavouring to free her self , her coats acted the part of Traytors , in discovering the hidden secrets and Arcanas belonging to her sex : and that with much satisfaction I had seen the execution of my revenge . That this wench could not be perswaded by any means , but that as a judgment she was stricken blind for some sin she had committed privately , which then her Conscience did whisper in her ear , and undoubtedly had turn'd Lunatick had she not been speedily restored to her sight by taking off the glew , which was done with much difficulty . That he going about to correct me for this unlucky and mischievous fact , was by me shown a very shitten trick , which put him into a stinking condition ; for having made my self laxative , on purpose squirted into his face upon the first lash given . That being upon boys backs , ready to be whipt , I had often bit holes in their ears . That another time firreverencing in a paper , and running to the window with it , which lookt out into the yard ●…oy aged Mistress looking up to see who opened the Casement , I had lik'd to have thrown it into her mouth ; however for a time deprived her of that little sight she had left . That another time I had watcht some lusty young Girles , that used in Summer-nights about twelve a clock , to wash themselves in a small brook near adjacent , and that I had concealed my self behind a Bush , and when they were stript , took away their cloathes , making them daunce home after me stark naked , to the view of their sweet-hearts , whom I had planted in a place appointed for that purpose , having given them before notice of my design . A great many more such tricks he recounted , which he knew , but not the tenth of what he knew not . As for example , on Christmass-day , we had a pot of Plumb-broth , I askt the maid to give me a taste , to see how I lik'd them , I that I should , she said , ( this was the maid I had so serv'd before with glew ) and with that , takes up a ladle full , and bid me sup , she holding the ladle in her own hand , I imprudently opening my mouth somwhat larger then I should , she poured down the scalding Pottage through my throat : at present I could not tell the Jade ( that laught till she held her sides ) how I lik'd them ; but I verity believ'd I had swallowed the Gunpowder-Plot , expecting every moment to be blown up . I took as little notice of this passage , as possibly I could , resolving to , retalliate her kindness when she least thought on t . I observ'd the maid to carry this plumb pottage-por into the yard , and taking notice that the weight of the Jack was in the same yard wound up a great height under a smal Pent-house , the Jack being down I suddenly removed the weight , and fastened the Pot to the line ; so going into the Kitching , wound it up to the top , and then stopt it , for the meat was taken up . The house was all in an uproar instantly about the Por , every one admiring what should become ofit : The maid averred , that she saw it even now , and none could remove it but the Devil . Others asserted ( which were infected with Puritanism ) that it was a Judgment shown for the superstitious observation of that Festival day ; but the next day , roasting Meat , this seeming Miracle vanished by the descending of the Pot fastened to the Jack-line . Another time my Master had reserved in his Garden some choice Aprecocks , not above an half-score ; which he purposed for some friends that intended to visit him shortly : The daily sight of this delicate fruit , being forbidden , tempted me more strongly to attempt their Rape ; but I made choice of an impropitious hour to accomplish my design in ; for my Master looked out ofhis window and saw me gather them , though he knew not absolutely whether it , was I or no. Whereupon ; he instantly summond us together ; being met , I quickly understood his intention : therefore I conveyed the Aprecocks into the next boys Pocket ; I had no sooner done it , but we were commanded to be searched ; I was very forward to be the first , though I was most suspected , but none was found about me , so that I was acquitted . But to see with what amazement the poor boy gazed , when they were discovered about him , how strangly he looked , distorting his face into several forms , produc'd laughter even from my incens'd Master , but real pitty from me ; for he was severely whipped for that Crime I my self committed . I could recite many more such like childish Rogueries , did I not fear I should be tedious in their relation , and burden the Reader with juvenile follies ; therefore I shall return where I left off . Whilst my Mother was in a serious consultation with her Reason , how she should dispose of me . I had not patience to wait the result , but gave her the slip , resolving to run the risk of Fortune , and try whither mine own endeavours would supply my necessiries . CHAP. IV. How he ran from his Mother , and what courses he steered in one whole years Ramble . IT was in July when I undertook this my Knight-errantry ; the fairness of the Season much favoured my Enterprise : thinking I should always enjoy such weather , and never be pincht with necessity , I went on very couragiously . The first dinner I made was on Blackberries and Nuts , esteemed by me very delicious fare at first , which delighted me so much the more , having not my liberty controul'd . When night approached it seemed very uncouth and strange , finding , instead of a Feather-bed , no other thing to lie on but a Haycock , and no other coverlid but the Canopy of Heaven . But considering with my self that I had no task to con over night , nor fear of over sleeping my self next morning , and so be fetcht to School by a Guard of my fellow Schollars with a Lanthorn and Candle , though the Sun appear'd at that time in his full lustre ; I laid my self down and slept profoundly , not without some affrighting dreams : The last was of the Cat of Nine Tails , which my Master laid so home me thought that the smart thereof made me cry out , and so I awaked ; as then the early Lark , the winged Herald of the morning , had not with her pretty warbling Notes , summon'd the bright watchmen of the Night to prepare for a retreat ; neither had Aurora opened the Vermillion Oriental Gate , to make room for Sols radiant Beams , to dissipate that gloomy darkness that had muffled up our Hemisphere in obscurity . In the morning I went on in my progress as the day before ; then began a shower of tears to fall from my eyes , considering how I had left my disconsolate , and almost heart-broken Mother , lamenting my loss , and fearing what fatal courses I might take : it was no less trouble to me to think that I was travelling I knew not whither , moneyless , having nothing but Hazel , and Brambles to address my self for the appeasing of Hungers approaching gripes . Now me thought I began to loath my aforenamed Manna , Blackberries , Nuts , Crabs , Bullies , &c. and longed to taste of the Flesh-pots again , but the Devil a bit could I get but what the hedges afforded me . All day I thus wandred about , nor daring to come near any Town , having had such bad success in the last when I first rambled , and now night came on , which put me in mind of procuring a lodging somwhat warmer than the other . A Barn presently offered its self to my sight , which I accosted , and without delay or fear , entered into the inchanted Castle , where I found accommodations for the most faithful and valiant Knight that ere strode Saddle for Ladies sake . Here might I take my choice of variety of fresh ●…raw , but my weariness would not permit to complement my good fortune one joy &c I so tumbled over head and ears ; I had not Iain there above an hour before I heard a noise , and peeping out of the straw , being in a great fear , I saw a many strange creatures come into the Barn , for the day was not yet shut in . My thoughts presently reminded me that I had heard talk of Hobgoblings , Fairies and the like , and judged these no other ; and that which confirmed me in this be●…ief , was their Garb and talking to one another in a language I understood not ( but since , I understand it to be Canting . ) I lay still as long as my fear would permit me , but they surrounding me , I was not able to contain my self longer , but cryed out aloud , Great God , have mercy on me , and let not these Devils devour me ; and with that , started out from among them : They amazed as much as I , ran for it too leaving their children behind them , every one esteeming him the happiest man which was the foremost . I looking behind me , seeing them following me , imagined these Devils ran upon all four , and having started their game were resolved to hunt a sinful Leveret to death : Concluding them long-winded Hell-hounds , I judgd praying a safer way than flying , and so fell instantly on my knees : the Gypsies quickly overtook me , and finding me in that posture , soon understood whence their fear proceeded . They then spoke to me in a Langage I understood , bidding me not be afraid ; but I had heard the Devil was a Lyar from the beginning , therefore I would not believe them . They would have rais'd me from my devotion , telling me it was enough , and that made me suspect them the more ; thinking they designed to get me out of a praying posture , that they might have the more power of me . Nothing prevailing with me , they vowed and protested they would nor injure me in the least , and if I would go along with them , I should fare as delitiously as they did , this was a potent argument to perswasion , and so I agreed to go along with them back again . All their cry was now for Rum-booze ( i. e. ) Good Liquor . Their Captain not induring to hear so sad a complaint , and not endeavour the supplying the want complained of , immediately commanded out four able Maunders , ( Beggars ) ordring them to stroule ( wander ) to the next Town , every one going apart . Some Countrey-men gave them drink fearing they might fire the houses in the night , out of revenge , others ( out of the more ignorant sort , thought they could command infernal spirits , and so harm them that way , or else bewitch their Cattel , and therefore would not deny them : in so much that in a short time these four return'd laden with bub and food . It was presently placed in the middle of us , who sate circularly ; then out came the Wooden dishes , every one provided but my self , but I was soon supply'd by a young Rum-Mort that sate next me intended for my sporting mate . A health went round to the Prince of Maunders , another to the Great Duke of Clapperdogeons , a third to the Marquess of Doxy Dells , and Rum-Morts , a fourth , to the Earle of Clymes ; neither did we forget , Haly Abbas , Albumazar , Arcandam , with the rest of the Waggoners , that strive who shall be principal in driving Charles his Waine . Most part of the night we spent in boozing , pecking rumly or wapping , that is drinking , eating or whoreing according to those terms they use among themselves Jealousie was a thing they never would admit of in their Society , and to make appear how little they were tainted therewith , the males and females lay promiscuously together , it being free for any of the Fraternity to make choice of what Doxie he liked best , changing when he pleased . They plied me so oft with their Rum-booz ( as they called it ) and pleased me so well in giving me a young Girle to dally with , who ( though in Rags , and with a skin artificially discolloured tawny ) yet I was not so ignorant , as not to understand good flesh , and what properties went to the compleating a votaress for Venus service . I was so tickled in my fancy with this pretty little wanton Companion , that for her sake , I was very well content to list my self one of that Ragged Regiment . And that which added to the inducing me to this resolution was my want of money , and what I suffered in those two foregoing hard days fare among the Nut Trees . I first acquainted my Doxie with my intent , who glad to hear thereof , gave it vent and broacht it to the rest who unanimously with joy imbraced me ; and to congratulate my inagravation tipt to each other a Gage of Booz , and so went round . The fumes of drink had now ascended into their brain , wherefore they coutcht a Hogs-head , and went to sleep . CHAP. V. Wherein he Relates what manner of People they were into whose Society he entred himself , division of their Tribe , Manners , Customes , and Language . AS soon as I had resolv'd to travel the Country with them , they fitted me for their company by stripping me , and selling my proper garments , and cloathing me in rags , which they pinn'd about me , giving a stitch here and there , according as necessity required . We used not when we entered our Libkin or Lodging to pull off our cloths ; which had I been forc'd to do , I could never have put them on again , nor any , but such who were accustomed to produce Order out of a Bable of rags . Being now ale mode de Tatterdemallion , to compleat me for their purpose , with green Wallnuts they so discoloured my face , that every one that saw me , would have sworn I was the true Son of an Egyptian . Before we march on , let me give you an account of our Leaders , and the rancks we were disposed in . Our chief Commander was called by the name of Ruffeler , the next to him Upright-man , the rest in order thus : Hookers , ( alias ) Anglers . Priggers of Prancers . Pallyards . Fraters . Prigges . Swadlars . Curtals . Irish-toyle . Swigmen . Jarkemen . Patri-Coes . Kitchin-Coes . Abram men Whip-Jacks . Counterfeit-Cranks . Dommerars . Glymmerers . Bawdy-Baskets . Autem-Morts . Doxies . Dells . Kitchin-Morts . We Muster'd above threescore old and young , and because we were too great a company to March together , we were divided into three Squadrons . The first Squadron that led the Van , was ordered by our Commander , to stick up small boughs all the way they went , that we might know what course theysteer'd . For like wild Fowl we flie one after another , and though we are seattered like the quarters of a Traitor , yet like water when cut with a Sword , we easily came together again . As the Switzer hath his Wench and his Cock with him when he goes to Wars : or like a Scotch Army , where every Souldier almost hath the Geud Wife and the Bearns following him : So we had every one his Doxie or Wench , who carried at her back a Lullaby-cheat , and it may be another in her Arms. When they are weary of carrying them , they take their turns to put them in a pair of Panniers , like green Geese going to Market , or like Fish in Dossers comming from Rye . Where note , that each division hath a small Horse or two , or else Asses to ease them of their burdens . Some of us were clad Antickly with Bells and other toys , meerly to allure the country people unto us , which most commonly produced their desired effects . In some places they would flock unto us , in great quantities , and then was our time to make our Markets . We pretended an acquaintance with the Stars ( as having an Alliance to the Egyptian Magi , the founders of Astrologick Art ) and that the Ministers of Fate were our Familiers , and so possessing these poor ignorant people with a belief , that we could tell their Fortunes by inspection into either hands or faces ; whil'st we were seriously looking thereon , one of our diving Comrades pickt their pockets , or with a short sharp knife , and a horn on the thumb , nipt their bungs . By asking the silly Milk maids questions , we gathered from their own mouths the properest resolutions , then would they admire , and in their admiration tremble to hear the Truth proceed from the mouth of such as were strangers to their actions , by which means , among some we gain'd a great respect , accompanied with fear . Did not Astrologers make use of such Stratagems , they could never acquire so much repute among the judicious , as well as vulgar capacities . And because it falls in so par to my present purpose , I shall beg so much patience from the Reader , as to give him a brief account of some fallacies some Star-gasing Impostors use to work their own ends , and delude credulous People . One whereof I knew , who rais'd his credit ( and since a considerable estate ) upon the Basis of good intelligence . He kept a servant , who constantly attended below for the reception of such who came for satisfaction in the astrological Resolution of questions . This mans Office was to tell the Querent , That his Master was busie above , about some grand concern , but if the Person would be pleased in wait a little while , till that business was dispatch'd be questioned not but that his Master would render him a satisfactory account of what he demanded ; adding father , ( to infuse into him faith , to credit what he said ) that though report had spoken largly , ( and yet nothing but what this Artist hath merited ) yet all came far short of his real desert , having done such stupendious things , that must needs ( without injustice ) be commemoriz'd to Eternity , and admired by future ages . In the mean time , this servant endeavoured to pump out of the Proponent what he came about , which having understood , he gave information to his Master , by so many times ringing a Bell. This Item being given , the Querent is called up , and before ever he can frame his mouth to propound his question , this profound Artist prevents him , saying , I know what you come about Sir , ( therefore save your , self the labour to tell me that which I know already ) you have lost a Watch , a Horse ; or you would know how you shall prosper in such a business , whither Marriage , or an Imployment ; or any such like common question . This makes the Artist be wondered at ; and then erecting a Scheme , positively and surlily tells him what he must expect . And that he may give answers more exactly concerning stollen goods , he was in constant see with Thies-takers , who from time to time , made him a report of what persons were robbed , what the things were , and many times gave him a discription of the Fellon . By these practises , men believed every word he delivered to be an Oracle ; so that his Chamber was daily so thronged with the report of people , that in a short time his ambition pricked him on to purchases , with the money he had gained thus falliciously . One Story , very remarkable , I shall add , and then crave your pardon for this my disgression . One day a young Gentleman ( but of a mean estate ) came to him , who was more credulous then wise , and more inquisitive then prudent ; and having nor that wealth which his prodigality required , desired instructions what course he was to steer to arrive at the Port of his wishes and hopes : viewing him narrowly , he perceived him to be a man of a sweet complexion , and a body well proportioned ; and therefore judged him a fir subject for Female fancies to work upon . Sir , ( said he ) I shall give you my best advice , but I shall crave your patience for a little while ; for a matter of this weigt , must not precipitately be undertaken ; wherefore if you please to see me to morrow , what lies in me shall be at your service . Being just gone , it happened that a Stale Maid , who had more moneys than beauty , and less discretion than leachery , came to be resolv'd of him , When she should be married : ( for it seems by the sequel she could tarry no longer : ) viewing her well , ( though she knew not him ) he knew her to be wealthy , and nearly related to persons of quality . Madam , ( said he ) I shall endeavour your satisfaction ; and so withdrew into his Closet . Having staid a while , bringing out his Figure , and with much gravity looking thereon , he thus unridled the mysterious meaning of the Celestial bodies . Madam , You never was much troubled with the importunate suits of amorous Vi●…tants , ( this he gathered from the deformity of her phosiognomy ) they all knowing your indifferency to change your condition , but upon considerable grounds ; by which means you have almost frustrated what the Stars have designed for you . I hope it is but almost , ( said she ) not altogether : for it troubled her very much to hear she should leave the world without tasting the sweets of a married life . No , ( he replyed ) for if to morrow by four of the clock in the Afternoon , you go into More-fields , and take a turn or two in the Userers-Walk ) you shall there meet with a person rich and handsome , that at first sight shall fall extreamly in love with you : slight him not , neither deny him his conjugal proposal if you do , it will be too late to hope for an husband . You shall distinguish him from others by these signs : His Complexion is fair , his Eye sharp and piercing , his Hair flaxen , of a middle Stature . Her joy had like to have transported her beyond the bounds of modesty , which she could not conceal , but made it appear in a pecuniary expression of her gratitude for such welcome tidings ; and so promising him to follow his counsel , she took her leave . The next morning the young Gallant came , who had his lesson given him : but before he went , he made him give him a Bond of 200 l. to be paid upon the day of his marriage with that Gentlewoman ; which he gladly consented to , and paid that very sum within ten days after , for according to the directions was given him , he met with that Gentlewoman describ'd to him , as he had been before to her , who at the first ●…ight of each other , were incapable of containing themselves , but mutually embrac'd ( after three or four words past ) as if he had been her ( quon●…am ) Dearly Beloved , return'd from some long Voyage , and went not to their respective lodgings till thei●… marriage was consummated . But to return where I left off . Thus we rambled up and down the Country ; and where the people demean'd themselves not civil to us by voluntary contributions , their Geese , Hens , Pigs , or any such mandible thing we met with , made us satisfaction for their hide-bound injuries . Our revenge most commonly was very bloody , and so merciless , that what ever fell into our hands , never escap'd alive , and in our murders so cruel , that nothing would satisfie us but the very hearts-blood of what we kill'd . The usual sacrifices of our implacable revenge , were innocent Lambs , Sheep , Calves , &c. all which we handled more severely than Prisoners are by Serjeants when they are not paid their unjust Demands ; Fees , I should have said , but that by experience I have found , they walk not according to the Rules of ancient Constitutions , but are guided by the dictates of their insatiate wills , which is their Law , which poor Prisoners must indulge , ( though they rack their slender credits , or pawn their cloaths ) or else they must expect less kindness from them , then a condemned person about to be tyed up by the Hangman , who will stay till he is ready to be turn'd off . A Goose coming among us , we have a trick to make him so wise , as never to be Goose again : But let the wisest use what tricks they can , they ne'er shall make some Serjeants honest men . We seize the prey , and leave the Tragical part to our Morts or Women to act : the Stage on which they perform their parts , is either some large Heatb , or F●…rz-bush-Gommon , far from any House . This being done , and night approaching , we repair to our Dormitories , or Houses of Rest , which are most usually Out-Barns of Farmers and Husbandmen , which we make choice of insome poor stragling Village , who dare not deny us , for fear ere the morning they find their Tatcht houses too hot to hold them . These Barns serve us instead of Cook Rooms , Supping Parlours , and Bed-Chambers : having Supt , ( most commonly in a plentiful manner ) we cannot Couch at Ho●…shead , that is to say , sleep , without good store of Rum-booze , that is , drink ; and haying sufficiently warm'd our brains with humming Liquor , which our Lower ( Silver ) shall procure ; if our deceitful Mounding ( Begging ) cannot , we then sing a Catch or two in our own Language , of which we had good store ; which for their bawdry I omit : however , give me leave to instance one Canting Song , and I shall wave the rest , being loath to tire you too much with one thing . BIng out bien Morts , and toure , and toure , Bing out bien Morts , and toure ; For all your Duds are bing'd a wast The bien Cove hath the loure . I met a Dell , I view'd her well , She was benship to my watch ; So she and I did stall , and cloy , Whatever we could catch . This Doxie Dell can cut bien whids , And wap fell for a win ; And prig and cloy so benshiply , All the Deusea-vile within . The boyle was up , we had good luck , In frost for and in Snow : When they did seek , then did we creep , And plant in Ruff-mans low . To Strawling Ken the Mort bings then , To fetch loure for her cheats ; Dude & Ruffe-peck , Rombold by Harman-beck , And won by Maunders feats . Ye Maunders all , stow what you s●…all , To Rome Coves what so Quire , And wapping Dell , that niggles well , And takes loure for her hire . And Jybe well jerkt , teckrome confect . For back by glymmar to Ma●…nd ; To mill each ken , let Cove bing then , Through Ruff-mans , jague , or Laund , Till Cramprings quire tip Cove his hire ▪ And Quier Ken dothem carch , A Canniken , mill quire Cuffen , So Quier to ben Coves watch . Bien Darkmans then , Bouse Mort and Ken , The bien Coves bings awast , On Chates to trine by Rome-Coves dine , For bis long lib at last . Bing'd out bien Moris and toure , and toure , Bing out of the Rome vile bine , And toure the Cove that cloyd your duds , Upon the Chates to trine . Having even wearied our selves with drinking and singing , we tumbl'd promiscuously together , Male and Female in Straw , not confining our selves to one constant Consort , we made use of the first that came to hand ; by which means Incests and Adulteries become our pastimes . By this means I grew weary of their practices , and therefore resolved to desert them as soon as the first opportunity should offer it self , which was in a short time ; wherefore at the present I shall say no more of them , only give me leave to give some small account of their Language . The first Inventor of Canting , as I am inform'd , was Hang'd about fourscore years since : such Gibberish was never heard of before ; since which time , there hath not been wanting such , who have taken pains in the pollishing , refining , and augmenting that Language of the Devils Imps. It is a confused invention of words ; for its Dialect I cannot find to be grounded on any certain Rules ; and no wonder , since the Founders and Practicers thereof , are the chief Fathers and Nourishers of Disorder . Yet even out of that Irregularity a man may observe some kind of form , and some words do retain somthing of Scholarship , as Togeman a Gown , from Toga ; Pannam , from Panis , Bread ; Cosan , Caseus , Cheese . The monosyllable Cheat ; we use as a Relative , as Nab , a Head ; Nab-cheat , a Hat , &c. Cove or Cuffin is in general terms a Man ; but by adding bieu , which signifies good , or well , or Quire , which is wicked or Knavish ; you make the word Cove signifie an Honest man , or a Justice of Peace . Pardon the expression , for they call a Justice Quier-Cussin ; that is to say , as before-mentioned , a wicked , knavish , or foolishman . To conclude , I shall here insert this little Canting Vocabulary Alphabetically . AUtem Mors A Married Woman Abram Naked Abram Cove A Tatter demallion Autem A Church Bughar A Cur Bouse Drink Bousing Ken An Ale-house Borde A Shilling Boung A Purse Bien Good or well Benshiply Very well Benar Better Bing To go Bing a waste To go away Bube The Pox Bufe A Dog Bleating cheat A Sheep Belly cheat An Apron Betty An Instrument to break a door Bite the Reter or Roger Steal the Portmantle or Cloak-bagg - Budge One that steals Cloaks Bulk and File The Pick pocket and his mate Cokir a Lyar Cove Cuffin A Man Cuffin-Quire A Justice of Peace Cramprings Bolt or Shackles Chats The Gallows Canke Dumb Crackmans Hedges Calle Togeman Joseph A Cloak Couch To lye or sleep Couch a Hogshead To go to sleep Commission Mish A Shirt Cackling cheat A Chicken Cassan Cheese Crash To kill Crashing cheats Teeth Cloy To steal Cut To speak Cut bien whids To speak well Cut quire whids To speak evilly Confeck Counterseit Cannakin The Plague Cly the Jerk To be whipt Clapper dogeo●… A Begger born Culle A Sap-headed Fellow Dimber Pretty Damber Rascal Drawers Stockings Duds Goods Densea-vile The Country Dommerar A Mad-man Darkmans Night or evenin Doxie Dell A Wench Dock Wap To Deuswins Two pence Dup To enter Earnest A part As tip me my Earnest Give me my part or share Frummagem Choakt Filch A Staff Ferme A Hole Fambles Hands Fambles cheats Rings or Gloves Fib To beat Flag A Groat Fogus Tobacco or Smoke Fencing Cu●…y One that receives stollen goods Glymmer Fire Glaziers Eyos Grannam Corn Gentry-More A Gallant Wench Gan A Lip Gage A Pot or Pipe Grunting cheat A Sucking Pig Giger A Door Gybe Any Writing or Pass Glazyer One that goes in at the windows Gilt A Pick-lock Harmanbeck A Constable Harmans The Stocks Heave a Booth To rob an House Half bord Six pence Hearts ease A twenty shillings piece Jocky A Flayl , or mans Privities Jague A Ditch Ja●…ke A Seal Ken An House Kinchin Little Knapper of Knappers A Sheep-stealer Kinchin Cove A little man Kate A Pick-lock Loure Money Lightmans Morning or Day Lib To tumble Libben an house to lie in Lage Water Libedge a Bed Lullabic - 〈◊〉 a Childe Lap Pottage Lurries All manner of Cloaths Maunder To Beg Maunders Beggers Margery Prater an Hen Mill To steal Make an half-peny Mynt Gold Muff●…ing cheat a Napkin Mumpers Gentile Beggars Milken One that Breaks houses Mynns The Face Nab an Head Nal - 〈◊〉 an Hat Nap To take Or cheat Palliard One whose Father is a Beggar born Paplar Milk-Pottage Prats Thighs Prigg To Ride Peckidge Meat Plannam Bread Plant To lay or hide Prigging Riding Prancer an Horse Prating-cheat a Tongue Peake any Lace Pike on the Leen Run as fast as you can Perry Fearful Peter a Portmantua Prigger of Prancers an Horse-stealer Pad The Highway-man Plant your whids Have a care what you say Quarron a Body Quacking cheat a Duck Quier Wicked or Roguish Quier-Ken a Prison Quier-Mort a Pocky Jade Quier-Cove a Rogue Romboyle a Ward or watch Rome Gallant Rome-vile London Rome-Mort a Gallant Girl Ruffin The Devil Roger a Cloak-bagg Ridge-cully a Goldsmith Ruffter an over-grown Rogue Ruffe pock Bacon Red-fhanke a Mallard Rom-pad The High-way Rome-padders High-way-men Rome-Culle a Rich Coxcomb Swagg a Shop Snudge One that lies under the bed to rob the house Shop-lift One that steals out of shops Stampers The shooes Stock-drawers Stockings Stamps Legs Scoure To wear Skew a Dish Slate a Sheet Strommel Straw or Hair Skepper a Barn Stew your whids Be wary Stalling-Ken a Brokers House , or an House to receive stollen goods . Smelling cheat A Garden Solomon The Mass Tour To look out Tout his muns Look in his face Track up the Dancers Go up the Stayres The Cul Snylches The Man eyes you Tip the Cole to Adam Tyler Give what money you pocket-pickt to the next party , presently Tip the Mish Give the Shirt Tib o' th' Buttery a Goose Tip To give The Mort tipt me a wink The Whore gave me a wink Trine Tyburn Trining Hanging Tick-Rome A License Tres wins Three pence Win A Penny Wicher Cully A Silver-smith Yarum Milk Thus much for a taste : I think it not worth my pains to insert all those Canting words which are used ; it is enough that I have here divulged what words are most in use . Having now deserted this Tawny Crew , I resolved to betake my self to a new Trade ; which you shall understand in this following Discourse . CHAP. VI. How he went a Begging . What Rules he observ'd therein . What Villanies he committed whilst he profest that mysterious Art. NEcessity is a thing better known by the effects , than its character ; and of all things the most insufferable : to prevent which , it puts a man on to venture upon all manner of dishonest and dangerous actions , suggesting strange imaginations , and desperate resolutions , solliciting things infamous , and attempting things impossible ; the product of which is onely disorder , confusion , shame , and in the end ruine . But when Necessity shall conjoyn with an evil disposition , a deprav'd nature , what horrid and nefarious facts will it not instigate that man to perpetrate ? And though he seeth monthly examples of persons condemned and executed for the like crimes he daily practiseth , will not forbear nor desist from such irregular and life-destroying courses , till they have brought him to the like miserable Catastrophe . Necessity had now deeply faln in love with me ; and the young Virgin Shamefac'dness ( once my Mistress ) had forsaken me ; for as soon as I had pull'd but one thread out of her garment , all the rest unravell'd ; and she not brooking her nakedness , changed her master , and so totally left me . Having now obtained more than a convenient boldness I travelled , and begg'd with very good success . But me thought my life was somewhat uncomsortable without a Companion , ( all Creatures coveting society , but more especially Man : ) at length according to my desires I met with one , whose long practice in this Art , besides the Observations of his Predecessours , deriving his pedegree in a direct line from Prince Prigg ) indu'd him with so much skill as to furnish me with the knowledge of any thing that belonged to the liberal Art of Begging . We streight betook our selves to the Boozing-Ken ; and having bubb'd rumly , we concluded an everlasting friendship . Than did he recount to me the most material things observable i●… our Profession . First , he tun'd my voice to that pitch which might most of all raise compassion ; next what form of prayer I was to use upon such an accasion , what upon such , varying according to the humour of those persons that I begged of , gathered from their habit or gesture ; then he told me when we came to London , he would acquaint me what places were most fit for our purpose , & what times . That I ought not to be too importunate to some , always wishing well , and loudly praying for the health and safety of Estate and Limbs of such as deny'd me Alms ; but more especially pronounce a God bless you Master , and let Heaven reward what you have here done on earth , if any thing is bestowed upon me . If any should pity my nakedness , and cloath me in garments without holes in them , I should wear them no longer than in the Doners fight , reserving my rags to re-invest my self , and sell the other , as unfit and scandalous to our Occupation . That we should never beg far front one another , and at nights faithfully share the gains . Moreover , he inform'd me the way to make all sorts of seeming sores and lameness . That within the tatter'd rags , there be places provided for private conveyance . Some of maturer age , if they have no children , rent them of such as have : but we had no occasion for this fallacy . That if I saw a door open , I should go in boldly ; if I met any in the way , I should then in a very submissive manner implore their help in the relieving my want , never desiring any thing but what was of small value , one half-penny , farthing , or some broken crust , ( if at a door ) pretending the not eating of a bit in two days . If the passage was clear , whip away what was nearest to hand . That the time of rising in the morning be very early , shewing my self in the street : for then will those that pass by , judge I have no other lodging but what a stall affords , that way procuring relief from pitiful-minded persons , and so continue beging till the evening ; when it beginneth to be duskish , if any then walks singly , accost him in a begging form ; coming up so close , as that you may knock him down with a Truncheon , still carried about for that purpose ; which is done securely , and many times with a good booty . Being full fraught with these , and many more precepts he delivered , we set forth on our progress . We had not gone far , before we were surprized by the Constable , as two sturdy Vagrants , and as handsail to my new Trade , we were both soundly whipt out of Town . To avoid this danger for the time to come , we mist all the towns of any considerable note in our way , and onely frequented Villages ; nay at last we were forc'd not onely to avoid them but the High-ways too : for Travellers observing our garb , countenances , and weapons , which was a Battoon , suspecting us , would before they came near us , set spurs to their horses and ride as if the Devil drove them . Many petty rogueries we performed by the way , not worthy the commemoration , and therefore I shall pass them over ; onely this I shall insert . Traveling the Field-way , we stumbled on a Tinker and his Trull lying by an Hedge-side , I knew not what to thinke at first they lay so still , with rouch pulling and stirring then they awakened ; I askt them what they lay there for ? They answered me , That they were lately bitten by a Serpent near adjacent , a potent creature , mighty in strength , and of a vast proportion , who had lately stung severall as well as they . It seemd very strange to us , especially having heard not the least report hereof . To be short , I desir'd them to shew us the place of his residence , which they readily consented ●…o . Instead of this Venomous Animal , they only brought us to its representation in a sign , where a Cup of double-brew'd Beer was sold , notable huming geer . The people lik'd the Tinker and his Female Comerade well enough , but would not admit of us , till we she shew'd them money : For our Vestments look'd like the Gleanings of a Rag-merchants Yard . We drank stifly till we laid the woman asleep again : still the Tinker bore up stiffly , she had not slept long , but up she started , pull'd up her coats , and in our presence piss'd in the middle of the room and so sate her self down , yet awaked not : which action could not but produce much laughter from me and my Comrade . At last the Tinker fell asleep too , having added so much to his former burden that he was no longer able to stand under it . Now had my wits enough to work on : but finding my self very drowsie , for the strength of the drink had almost over-powred me , I was forc'd to advise with my friend what course I were best take to make me a little more sober : he was so well known in such matters , ( being an old experienced Pitcher-man ) that he quickly counselled me what to do , he himself being not in the least disturb'd . This was his advice which he did put in practice , he got a Pail full of water , and so taking me up by the heels , he clapt my head thereinto ; holding me in that manner so long , that the Pail had like to have prov'd the Terry-beat that should wast me over the Stygian Lake ; this so qualify'd the heat my head had contracted by my excessive drinking of that strong stupifying liquor , that I found it had wrought its desired effects . After this , we ransackt their pockets , but found little in the mans ; but searching the woman in a private place between her Pocket and Placket , we there discovered something considerable . Having so done , we thought it high time to be gone , but first we resolv'd to make some sport for their moneys , which was thus : I tied to each of their Girdles behid a Flaggon-pot , and to each a Label affixt , or a paper of Verses , and so immediately tript off . The Host seeing us go out of doors with more than ordinary speed , ran into the room where the Tinker and his Lady were : he suddenly awaked them , telling them we were gone . Hearing this , they hastily started up , and reeling ran to overtake us : the Master of the house seeing his Pots dangling at their breech , ran after the Tinker , crying , Stop 'em , stop'cm , Stop the thievish Tinker , stop the Whore with my Pot. We were wiser than so to stay to hear how the Tinker and his Trull came off , or to hear the laughter that we undoubtedly raised by this waggish contrivance , but directed our course for London directly , where we arrived soon enough , nay too soon for some . This Out-cry soon alarm'd the ears of his Neighbours , who with the Host seizing on them , and carrying them back , gave us an opportunity for our escape . The Lines that were about the Tinkers Pot , were these to my best remembrance . Serpents but sting , or onely bite so deep To numb the sence , so lay men fast asleep . Wit acts far greater things . I 'll say no more : Y 'ave payd for sleeping , Sir next clear the score . Those that were fastned to the Womans Pot , were these : 'T was not the Serpent , but strong Beer that stung : The vent being stopt , the Drink wrought through the Bung. I had like to had forgot to give you an account of a merry passage that hapned upon the road we travelled on ; beating the hoof we overtook a Cart , but in the name of Rabbi Abraham , what think you was in it ? In troth even a Squadron of the Tatterdemallion Regiment ; Some pretendedly blind , others their leggs tied up in a string . A third sort having a dead Palsy over all one side . A fourth so lame as is he never had been strung with sinews . We fell into discourse , asking them whither they were bound thus carted ? They answered us : every one for his own Country , we have been already jib'd ( said one ) that is jerkt at the Whipping-post , and now enjoy the benefit of a Pass . The Surly Rogue the Carter observing our familiar talk made a stand , speaking to us after this manner . Why how now Gentlemen , how dropt you out of the Carts Arse ? what , you go on foot and your Brethren rid ? It shall not be ; ease your legs , come I 'le lend you an hand . I was about to reply when a fellow came along who knew this Carter , and askt him what he would do , or whither he was going with them Criples . Introth said he , to tell you the truth , I am going to Killum ( a Town it seems on the borders of Oxford-Shire . ) Hearing this , I knew not what to think on 't but consulted with the aspect of the carred crew . Their faces discovered nothing but sence of danger , so that now I perceiv'd their thoughts were soly imployed about their escape , which they did soon put in execution . For sorth with the strings were cut that tied up their legs , who silently slid out of the cart one after another for fear of discovery , the blind could see their way down too , the Paralitick could run as swift as a Stag ; The fellow drove on still , not misling his Company presently , at last looking about he saw one running this way , another that way a third contrary to either , a fourth was hiding himself in a bush , thus they were all disperst : D' ee here , d' ee here , cry'd the Carter , restore the leggs and eyes you borrowed , and then run to the Devil if you can . I heard one of them distinctly answer him , I le see you hang'd first , you murdering Rogue e're I will come near you ; dont you remember that you said even now that you were going to Killum . Could you but imagine the various postures their causless fear put them in you would be a great Sharer with me in laughter , I could not retaine my self from ; this story put me in , mind of the like mistake whose effects proved more fatall in the time of the intestine wars in Ireland : A Trooper met with a Sculogue or Country-fellow , and demanding of him whence he came , he answered from Killwanium : whither art a going ? ●…o kill more sayd he : these are two Towns ) with that the Soldier sware he should not kill more , and so pistol'd him . CHAP. VII . Coming to London , he enters himself into the society of Beggars , distinguished by these Titles , Ben-feakers , Dommerars , Clapperdogeons , &c. With a short description of their Manners and Customes ; as also a relation of a piece of Theft he commited . COming up to London , we strait way betook our selves to Newington-Butts ; but by the way , my Friend could not forbear calling on his Friends in Kent-street , there they gave me a Nick-name ; and my Comrade immediately fell to work , to put himself into an equipage fit for the employment we had undertaken . He needed not to alter his habit ; but his chief aime was to make counterfeit Sores o●… Clymes , according to the term of Art that is given them . With the assistance of some of the Fraternity , he had in an hours time , such a Leg , that I could hardly look upon it without even dropping down ; and thus they made it : They took un●…aked Lime and Sope , mingled with the rust of old Iron ; these being well temper'd together , they did spred it thick on two pieces of leather , which they apply'd to his Leg , binding it thereunto very hard , which in a short time did fret off the skin , the flesh appearing all raw ; then did they take blood and rub'd it all over his Leg ; which being fully dried , made the Leg appear all black , the Sore they did only let peep out of the holes of five or six matterish clouts . He soon got us a Doxie too , with a couple of children , ( the fitter for our purpose ) the one to carry in her arms , and the other to lead . Providing himself and me a good lusty Filch or Stick , with a hole at the end there of , to put in a hook if occasion should serve , to filch any thing off Hedges , &c. A way we went into Moor-fields : he would have made me a Clyme too , or an Artificial sore ; but my stomack would no wayes accept of his kindness . Coming into the Fields , he planted me in a convenient place , the Doxie with her Lullaby-cheats in another , and himself in a third , not far distant from one another , that one might catch the others Maunding at the rebound . I observ'd my Friend and Rogue diligently , what he did , for my own information . One would have sworn he had been absolute lame , for ( about to lie down ) he slid to the earth by his Staff ; being on the ground , the first thing I took notice of ; was the pitious distorting of his face into various forms , to stir up compassion in such as passed by him ; to which he added , a most doleful noise to this effect ; For Gods sake , some tender bearted Christian , cast through your merciful eyes one pittiful look upon a sore , lame , and miserable wretch : Bestow one penny or half-penny upon him that is ready to perish , &c. I knew not how to tune my voice , for hearkning to him ; which he observing ( when all the people were passed by ) he held up his stick at me , a strong argument of his great displeasure , which lest I might further incur , I was forced to tone it out to some purpose . Night approaching , we left off begging , resolving to recreate our selves with what we had got : in the way home , I saw a very fine piece of Beeslying on a Butchers-stall , the woman that kept the shop , was telling a Gossips tale to her neighbour so intentively , as I thought I might seize on my prey , and she never the wiser ; with that I boldly snatched it up ; which an opposite neighbour perceiving , ran after me , and soon took me . I was brought back before the woman , who was so wise ( forsooth ) that she would not receive stollen goods , though they were her own ; and so inraged she was , that nothing would serve her turn , but I must go before a Justice ; and to add to my punishment , she made me carry the stollen Beef openly . Coming before his Worship , my accusation was read , aggravated by many feigned circumstances . The pittisul and sad casts of my eyes , were all the Rhetorick I used in my own vindication ; which the merciful Justice perceiving , they were so prevalent , as to gain some favour from him ; whereupon he ask'd the woman what she valued her Beefat ? Why , ( said she ) I would not have abated a penny of five shillings . Take heed what you say , good woman , ( said he ) for should you swear this , it is enough to hang him . O Lord , Sir , ( said she ) I would not hang him for a world ; than said his Worship , You must prize it under thirteen pence half-penny ; whereupon the Butchers Wife was content to value it at eight pence . The price being set , the Beef was convoyed into the Justices Kitchin , I sent to Prison , and the woman put to her Oath ; having sworn , my Mittimus was made , and therewith sent to Prison . The woman now thought she should have her Beef surely , and without any danger in the reception , and therefore demanded it ; but the Justice told her he would buy it of her , and so asked her what she would have for it : Sir , ( said she ) five shillings ; I cannot afford it one farthing under . How , how ! ( said he ) did you not swear but even now , it was worth but eight pence , and do you now talk of five shillings ? A mear Cheat , Extortioner , &c. Make her Mittimus , ( speaking to his Clerk ) which so terrified the Woman , that she cried out most pitteously ; good your Worship , do not send me to Prison , and do with me what you please . The Justice at this , lookt stedfastly upon her ( who was not so old but that he could discern a handsome woman when he saw her ) and indeed generally your Butchers hare jolly handsome Wives ; otherwise they may be ashamed to serve seven years in handling and choosing good flesh for others , and at last know not how to make choice of a fine young plump juicie bit for themselves . I say , the Justice looking upon her , smiled , yet seemed to reprove her sharply , and at last pretended he had somthing to tell her he would not have every one hear , carried her into a withdrawing Room , where they staid not long but out she came and declared openly that she would never desire more justice done her , than that good and just Justice ( as she called him ) had shown her . And as I understood afterwards , he did her so much right , that she sent him in an half dozen of Bottles of Canary , and supt with him on her own flesh ; I in the mean time wished them both choaked in the eating thereof ; for never did Roman Catholick endure greater and severer pennance for eating flesh on Good-friday ; than I for coveting this ; I have lov'd a Capon the better for it ever since . For I was no sooner gotten out into the street , but I had a hundred people about me , crying which is the young Rogue ? this , this is he , said the Butcher , pretending to lay his hand upon my shoulder , but gave me a terrible nip by the ear , which made me roar out so loud and so suddenly unexpected , that my Gentleman-Usher that was leading me by the arm to the White Lyon , starting , let go his hold . There was no dallying with so fair an opportunity , fear and love of sweet liberty so wing'd my feet , that running instantly hereupon , I was gotten presently a great way before them . The Harmanbeck , Huntsman or Constable seeing this , unable to run himself by reason of that great load of flesh he constantly carried about him , set a pack of young yelping Cours to track the scent , but they were soon all at a loss , and so I escapt their clutches . CHAP. VIII . Whilst a Beggar what cunning tricks he invented to steal undiscovered , and how at last served , being caught ipso facto . THe next day I went into Lincolns-Inn-fields , where I saw a company of Rogues , Cheats , Pick-pockets , &c. playingat Pidgeon-holes ( a game much practised there , and in More-fields , by such mischievious and lazie Rascals ) growing very hungry , I singled out two or three of the fittest for my purpose in assisting or contriving Roguery ; a little rising grass-plat was our councel-table , where we consulted what stratagems would best take and were least known . Come gentlemen ( said I ) for the Liberal Science or ancient Profession they studied was enough to gentelize them ) what money have yee ? sine Cerere & Baccho friget ingenium , we must have good liquor that shall warm our bloods , enliven and unthaw our congealed spirits , and make our inventions and fancies as nimble as lightning . Faith said one , I have but three pence ; yet that you may see how well quallified I am for your company , I 'le have money for you presently . He was not gone much above an half hour , but merrily he came to us ; sitting down he desired me to put my hand down his neck between his wascoat and shirt , which accordingly I did , but admired to groap out there rashers of Bacon , which I produced to the Company . Very importunate I was with him to know what it meant , and how they came there : Give me attention ( said he ) and I will unravel this riddle thus . Walking along the streets leisurely , strictly eying any thing on which I might seize securely and advantageously : at length I saw a good pittiful old woman ( for so she seem'd to me by her countenance ) selling Bacon , who I observ'd did put what money she took into a pocket made in her Apron . Upon this sight , Fancy me thought suggested to me that her money was already as surely mine as if I had already confin'd it close Prisoner in-my leathern dungeon . And thus I wrought my design . Good woman said I , speaking in a whining tone , ) how do you sell your Bacon a pound ? Seven pence ( said she , ) whereupon I began a lamentable oration , telling her that I would willingly have half a pound but that I had but three pence : that my Master was a very cruel man , half starving his servants ; come give me your money sirrah , she said , for once you shall have it so ; weighing it , I desired her to cut it into slices and thrust it down my back ; She asked my reason for it . I told her that my Master usually searcht me , and should he find any such thing in my pockets , he would half murther me . Alas poor boy ( quoth the good old woman ) lean down thy head towards me , surely I will do thee that small kindness : whilst she was larding my back , I got my hands underneath her Apron , and with this short knife nipt off the bottom of her pocket , and thus have I done my part to procure ye both food and money . As I lookt on this as base ingratitude , so I could not but tacitly within my self , both condemn and abhorr such society , remembring the words of Juvenal . Ingratos ante omnia pone sodales . Of all persons we should shun most the ingrateful . Neither could I forbear ( though I was joyful of the purchase ) to read him a publick lecture on his ingratitude ; what ( said I ) shall we find gratitude in Beasts ( as in the Lyon that was healed by Andronicus in the wood , which afterwards saved his life in the Theater ) and yet shall we be unthankful ! I have read a story of an Asp that was kept and nourished by an husbandman at his own table , feeding him there dayly ; at last she brought forth two young ones , one whereof poisoned the Husbandmans son , the old one ( as my Author tells me ) in the fight of the Father killed the offender , & as if ashamed of his ingratitude , departed the house with the other and was not seen after . I would have proceeded , but that they told me if I did , they would have no men of morrals in their company , and so away we went to Beggars-Hall , hard by where we call'd lustily . Fearing we should spend all the money , I des●…ed the company that some small portion might be left in●…ny hands as a stock to trade on , which they consented to . Having feasted ourselves well , before we departed the next days meeting was appointed , when and where . Against the time I had made a quantity of Serpents , Crackers , &c. and brought them with me . When first I show'd horn , they all fell out a laughing to think I could improve our stock by such devices . Have but the patience to hear me ( said I ) and then condemn me if you see cause ; Ever since I parted from you I have been racking my invention to find out some way whereby I might render my self both deserving of , and acceptable to your company , and I think this my first discovery will do it ; I would have you Jack , Tom and Will , take an equal quantity of crackers and serpents , and anon at night let us go into the Market , where each of you shall observe each of us ; where ever we make a stand be sure you throw a Serpent , &c. at that very place ; and then will we take the oportunity of the peoples confusion and fright , and so march off with what we can lay hands on . This plot was very well liked of by all . The eyening approaching ( it being near November ) we went to put what I had contrived in execution . The first that was thrown was where I stood , which sell into the Basket on which a Market woman sate , the woman starting up to extinguish it , suddenly it bounced in her face , the sinoak whereof and powder , for a little time so blinded her , that she could not see me walk off with a shoulder of Mutton , my comrades had the like success with a Pig and a Goose. Having done enough as we thought for that time , we went to a place of our acquaintance where we had the Mutton , Pig , and Goose roasted , Giving the Landlord the Pig for dressing , bread , and drink . We were so successful for the first , that we made several tryals afterwards not ineffectual . But in fine , I found the Proverb verified , The pitcher goes not se often to the well , but that it comes home crackt at last . One time I went , and having ordered them to do as they had done before , a Serpent came flying on the womans stall where I stood , and fell into her lap , which being brusht off , sell underneath her coats , and there burst , in the mean while I had gotten a loyn of Veal and was trooping off with it ; the woman missing it suspected me by my great haste , followed me and laying hands on me found her meat under my coat . O have I caught you Mr Thier. Mistake not good woman ( said I ) it is no such matter . For as I stood by your stall , the wild-fire which some unhappy Knaves threw , so scared me , that having your meat in my hand at that time cheapning it , I was so frighted that I ran away with your Veal to shun the danger , forgetting to lay it down , wherefore pray take it again . Taking her meat , here is a pure excuse indeed ( said she ) but this shall not serve your turn , and with that , gave me two or three such blows on my chops , that I verily thought she had made me swallow half my teeth . Another that had heard our discourse , takes me to task after this . Come sirrah , you love the flesh well , but t is fit you should pay for it . And it is but just if you will have my flesh , I should have some of yours . Up straight he snatcht his Knife , and holding me by the ear I verily thought he would have markt me as he used to do his calves . My crying and praying so far prevailed , that he onely kickt me to his next Neighbour , and so from one to another , so that though it cannot be said I ran the Gantlet , yet between the Pannyers on both sides I was kickt the Gantler from the Standard in Cheapside to the Conduit at the lower end thereof : this unhappy adventure made me betake my self to my old course of begging , resolving as yet not to deal in that trade I had little experience in . CHAP. IX . A Merchant seeing him begging , took a fancy to him , conducts him to his House , and entertains him as his Servant . ONe day as I was begging , more servently than formerly , having gotten not one penny that day , so that I found a civil war between my Guts and Stomack , yet knew not how to salve up the difference ; neither would they hearken to any thing but a Bill of Fare . In the midst of this combustion , a Tradesman of no mean quality , passing by , took a strong fancy to me , being extraordinarily pleased with the form of my face and body . He asked me , Whence I came ? what my Parents were ? and what I intended ? I answered him with well contriv'd forgeries , that seemed to give him good satisfaction : liking well both my speech and understanding , he bid me follow him , which accordingly I did ; having conducted me to his house , he presented me to his Wife , my intended Mistriss , telling her his resolutions of receiving me into his service ; at which she blest her self , saying , Prithee , Sweet-heart , from what Dunghil didst thou pick up this Snakerag , this Squire of the body ? This thing drest up in sippits ? This Scare-crow , what shall I call him ? ( for I am sure I had but few cloaths on , but what were rather fit to dung ground , than to be sent to the Paper-mill . ) Said my Master , Rest your self satisfied , since it is my pleasure , this shall be so : neither can I give you any reason for my fancy . Whereupon he commanded me to be stript , and well washed , in the mean time cloaths were provided for me , a suit of one of his Apprentices . A great Vessel like Cornelius his Tub , was filled with water to bath me , but so cunningly set by the Maids , ( though privately ) that they might see me all over naked . It was my good fortune to observe my Mistress standing in a private place on purpose to see me dismantled ; and after I was washed , she commended the whiteness of my skin and well proportioned limbs ; and by the consequent , approv'd all within her self , for I was then a stubbed Lad. Being new clothed , and raised to this unexpected fortune , how strangely did this vain blast puff up my empty pate ! However , I was resolved to carry my self discreetly , lest I should overthrow the state I was then in , not yet well setled . Wherefore I behaved my self very respectfully towards my Master , and served him as punctually as I could , endeavouring that my service should require his kindness in as great measure as my abilities could perform . My endeavour was not only to please my Master , but my Mistress too , even in the meanest services ; so officious to her , that I was ready to perform the office of a Chamber-maid . The maid-servants I obliged also , by doing their duty , as making the fires , washing the Kitching , nimbly and willingly doing any thing they would have me ; which so ingratiated my self among them , that I always had their good estimation among themselves , and good word to my Master and Mistress when occasion served . Very careful I was , not to report what I heard , lest I by that means I involv'd my self in the affairs of others , without advantage to my self . For by meddling in others matters , I should breed animosity among them , and reap just hatred to my self when discovered to be the too too busie intelligencer . This I looked on as an undeniable maxime . That nothing more recommends a man , than a silent tongue , ( unless necessity required the contrary ) a fair complacential carriage ; and a faithful heart . My master in a humour would sometimes find fault with me , but then it was my chiefest care not to reply , knowing , that what should be all eadged as my just vindication , would but aggravate his spirits being passionare , alwayes punctually performing what was commanded me . To try my fidelity , he would lay a six pence on the Counter , or in the Window , as if it had been left there forgotten . I was wiser than to be caught so , and therefore would instantly carry him the money . One time sending me out to buy something , instead of a shilling he gave me among other money a piece of Gold ; I took no notice of it than , but being gone a little way , I came running back out of breath to restore him the piece ; this and the like made my master stand amazed at my seeming honesty . A strange alteration you will say ; but all this was onely to get a good esteem , whereby I might gain fast footing . What though I underwent a great deal of pains , and had my patience tried to the heighth ? Yet I gain'd much in the end , had God given me grace rightly to use it , and the baseness of my nature not perswaded me to abuse it . So much credit I had gotten with my master , by my civil behaviour , that he raised me gradatim , step by step . Being ignorant of Arithmetick , he caused a master to come to his house to instruct me , which I soon apprehended , and by that means capacitated to keep his Accompts , which was the thing I aim'd at , intending thereby the prosecution of mine own ends , notwithstanding my pretended fidelity , and his real kindness to me undeserv'd : which puts me in mind of the conclusion of an Epitaph I have read on a Tomb , which the master erected for the perpetual commemoration of his servants cordial respect and honesty . View oft this Tomb-stone , since we seldome find , A servants faithful , and his Master kind . Now to the intent I might compleat my conquest of his heart , I pretended my self an Independent , not omitting any opportunity of going to their Meetings ; and upon all occasions would rail against Steeple-houses ( as we called them ) and tear the Bishops holland sleeves to pieces , calling them the impure rags of the Babylonish Whores Smock , &c. I would pray mornings and evenings so loud , so late , and so early , that my neighbours could hardly sleep for me , much less those of our own Family : Notwithstanding all this piety not a day past wherein I cheated not my master . Thus did I delude his eyes with pretended sanctity , yet concluded with the Poet , Damihifallere , dajustum Sanctunque videri , Noctem peccatis & fraudibus objice nubem . Let me seem just ; to cheat the better shrow'd , Let my dec●…its be hidden in a Cloud . How much did I silly fool deceive my self , thinking my self secure , because no mortal eye saw me . Be not thus cheated as I was , for assure your self there is no darkness so thick and obscure , which the All-over-seeing and Eternal piercing eye cannot penetrate — Cermit Deus omnia vindex . A passage remarkable in Erasmus I read to this purpose concerning a young Gentleman , whom a wanton Lady tempted , who used this Expression as his last and best Refuge . Art not thou ashamed to do that in the sight of thy Maker , and the Holy Angels , which thou art ashamed to do in the sight of men . We are afraid of disgrace with men , not caring for the Grace of God. CHAP. X. How he came acquainted with lewd and vicious Apprentices . What Trade they drove together . What places and times of meeting . I was as officious at home , as reserv'd from all company , never stirring forth unless call'd by my Masters business , till my next Neighbors man intruded himself into my acquaintance . Who so farr insinuated himself into my affections , that I was in a manner wholy ruled by him . He and I met on a time abroad , and would not be deny'd but he must needs fasten a glass of Wine , conducting me to a Tavern where the Drawer ( as he said ) was his friend . After several Congratulations past , order was given for a pint of Canary : being gone to draw it , this young man began to tell me what an honest fellow this Ralph the Drawer was ; which words he had no sooner utter'd , but I heard him cry at the Bar , A Pint of white Wine in the Rose , score ; and immediately in he brings it , and in formality a glass but we made no use of it for he was fearful his Master would discover the cheat , and therefore desired us to be speedy in the dispatch , and so we made but too draughts thereof . Away he goes again , and brings in another , not after the same manner , but crying it Right , bringing withal a Quart-Bottle in his Codpiece : Now , Gentleman , ( said he ) using your discretion , you may sit and talk freely , without either fear or suspition , using your glass , & when your pint is empty , fill him again you shall not want for liquor Lads . This somthing amazed me at first , till my Neighbour Thomas told me that this was frequent , and that he and two or three friends at any time could be drunk for six pence a piece . Come , come you are but a Novice , said he ; but if you will be ruled by me , I 'll shew you the way to soften the cord of bondage , to make the long time of a seven-years Apprenticeship seem short , by living as merry , nay , more jovially than our masters . They may be distracted with cares how to procure necessaries , pay Rent , and satisfie Creditors , whilst we have none of these pressures and disturbances on our spirits . What though we have an harsh word ar a smart blow , it may be a broken pate ? We will make his Till spring a leak for it , or his Goods goto Pot , and break him at last too . It may be his Provision is neither dainty nor plentiful , nay , restrained from cur liberty too : 't is onely by day then , we will be Masters of our own at night , not wanting any thing that may conduce to mirth , or the delectation of our insatiate senses . I ask'd him how could this be done ? He answered , If I would swear to be secret and faithful , and become a Brother of the society , he would not onely tell me how all this ( a sore recited ) might be performed , but would likewise introduce me into the place where these jolly Blades used to congregate . I soon consented , rejoycing exceedingly at this blessed opportunity , ( as I thought it ) wherein I might sail in the Ocean of delight , bound for no other Port but that of Pleasure or Profit , never considering the inevitable Quicksands which such meet withal steering that course , having no other Compass to sail by than their own Fancy . Very eager I was to have him inform my judgment with what at present I understood not , but doubted not in a little time to be as forward as the foremost in any moral wickedness . First , he informed me , that I must insinuate my self into the Maids favour , so that , when occasion should require , she may let you have the Key of the Street-door , or else sit up for your return , making her sensible that she doth not so break her sleep for nothing . That I must never fail coming home to gratifie her kindness . If she be modest and continent , onely kiss her , and that my behaviour should not be either rude or lascivious , that all my expressions should saviour of Platonique , or chast love , often repeating this to her ; O that I was out of my time , if it were for nothing else but to repay thee thy love ! So great an acknowledgment I have of thy civilities , that I hope a time will come wherein I shall make full satisfaction for all , &c. If she be bucksome , or wantonly given , she will never be content with hopes , promises and protestations , vows and such like windy stuff ; wherefore you must kiss , hug , and embrace her , telling how dearly you love her ; and then fall to somewhat else : She may put you off at first with a Pish , a Fye , or Pray be civil ; yet be so far from denying , that if you proceed not on vigourously , she will prompt you her self , to try what mettle you are made of ; if dull , she will make you the subject of her private , nay and publick laughter and scorn . But be very cautious of procreation , which you may prevent several wayes . Now to tell you what manner of persons we are that are confederates ; there are few among us but what are of several Trades selected , as Linnen-Drapers , Mercers , Woollen-Drapers , Silk-men , Hosiers , Haberdashers , Grocers , Goldsmiths , Jewellers , Ribband-sellers , Exchange-men , to which add a Drawer and an Oyl-man , the one to furnish us with good Liquor , and the other to prepare our pallates for it . A great many Trades there are which signifie nothing in our Commonwealth as Pe●…trers , Braziers , Plummers , &c. we are onely for such as will profit the body , please the Pallate , & fill the Pocket . Every one brings his several Commodities at the place of meeting , then do we exchange or barter one with another for what each respective person wants ; either to supply his own occasion , or his Mistress : for it is to be supposed such a thing must be had ; when procured , must be maintained , though to the destruction of our Masters Estates , and ruine of our bodily health . Further he added , that our Masters might not detect us in the purloining his goods you must not ( said he ) take too much of one Sort of Commodity . All this I liked wonderfully well , and promised to meet that day seven-night at the place appointed ; and so we parted . Coming home , I immediately put these prescriptions into practice ; first ; taking notice of what Goods we had greatest quantity ; and whatsoever Commodity my Master forgot he had , I always secured it as mine own : nay , sometimes I would try him ; There was such a person enquiring for such a thing to day when you were abroad , but I could not finde it : it may be he would say , We had it not ; suiting my design according to desire . Having taken a thorow view of the Shop and Ware-house . , I saw so many ways of advantage , if assisted by a cleanly conveyance , that I could snip as well as the most forward of them all . The next thing I had to do , was to endear my self to the chief maid , who was one of those that lay covertly to see me wash my self in the Tub ; and as she confest since , took an affection to me from that hour . It required no long time to court her into a compliance ; her Complexion or Temperament , forcing her acceptance of any thing amorously inclined ; The colour of her hair inclined to Red , which colour ( though I know not for what reason ) I love above any : This may be partly the reason , because as that Complexion hath alwayes the concomitant of a very white skin , so it hath two inseperable Companions , Plumpness and Bucksomness : Her skin as the usual attendant of Red or Flaxenish hair , as I said ) was as white as whiteness it self : Her Cheeks naturally painted with Vermilion ; plump were her Cheeks and Lips with a mole thereon , and a dimple in her Chin , as the infalible marks of one that is willing to dedicate her self to the service of Venus . Having a fit opportunity , after some amorous discourse , I desired her she should grant me leave that night to talk with her in private , having business of importance to impart to her : She condescended to my proposition . As soon as our Master and Mistress were gone to take their rest , her impatience to hear what I would say , made her soon send the rest to bed . The house being thus cleared , and all things silent as the Air , when Winds into their hollow grors repair , I acquainted her with the greatness of my affection , which I delivered with all the Rhetorick I could invent , still rouching that string which produced Loves harmonious concord : So fervent I was in my expressions , and so ardent and hot in my desires , that I soon melted the conjealed iceness of her Chastity : But first there were mutual Articles reciprocally drawn & agreed unto , viz. That if she proved with childe , I should marry her . That I should devote my self to her service , and nones else . That we should both endeavour to make use of all opportunities for the enjoyment of each other . That to prevent discovery , we should often fall out before people , that without suspition in private we might agree the better ; throwing often-times bones at my head when sitting at Dinner , because suspision should not deprive her of the Grizzle . So great was our seeming ●…eud sometimes , that our master was called in to part us . After this I gave her plenary instructions as to my affairs , which she faithfully and punctually promised to observe . Then did I put my hand to the instrument , and sealed the Articles with two witnesses . The night was come wherein I was too meet according to promise . I acquainted my Amoretta with my intention of going out at twelve a clock ; and that my Master might not in the least suspect me , I went to bed , but arose again at the hour promised . The first time I would not carry any Commodities with me , resolving to see first what they did . Being come to the house , I was introduced by my Neighbour Thomas into a private back-room , among the associated Brethren . I was much amazed to see such variety of Wares lye upon a long Table , as Silks , Stuffs , Cloth , L●…nnen and Woollen , Stockings , Ribbands , Muffs , Hoods , Starffs , and the like . Some of them came to me , and welcomed me as a Brother , drinking to me in a Beer-bowl of Sack and Sugar . Most of the Company being met , they truckt with each other according to their convenience , furnishing themselves with what they either stood in need of themselves or their friends . Several things were offered me ; I told them I had brought nothing to retalliate : They told me my Credit was good , which is the Soul of Commerce ; telling me they should have occasion to make use of me in the like nature another time . I took with me onely such things as might be proper to bestow at home , on whom I had lately engaged my affections ; which I presented her with , accompanied with many expressions and protestations of a never-dying affection . She accepted of my kindness with much gratitude , but though she could not fully remunerate me without a re-admission into her private , and then particular favours , I could easily discern her inclinations by griping of my hand , kissing as if she would devour me , the palpetation of her heart , and her inflamed eyes . I ran parallel with her in the same desires , so that with much facility we two clapt up a bargain . After which ; I would have betaken my self to my rest in my own bed , but that was displeasing to her , I perceived nothing would content her , but that we should be bed-fellows . I soon assented to it , though to the hazard of both our credits and fortunes . I desired her to go up first , telling her I would follow instantly after . By that time I thought she was in bed ; up march●… I the stairs , which creackr as if they had conspired a discovery ; Coming up to the highest stair , I raised my foot ( being fearful of making any noise ) thinking there had been another , it descended with such precipitation , that I made the house eccho . The Chamber wherein my Master and Mistress lay , ( the maid lying in a Trundle-bed underneath them ) was right against the Stair-head . My master had taken a dose more than ordinary of Sack , so that this noise awaked him not : my mistress at the first hearing thereof , imagined Thieves had broken into the house ; she endeavoured to wake her Husband , by stirring him , but could not , therefore thought it the best way to lie still , expecting the event . In the mean time 〈◊〉 lay per due , stirring not till I imagined my Mistress asleep again , The maid , concluding I durst not adventure further by reason of this unfortunate accident , fell immediately into a profound sleep . Finding ( after a considerable time ) all things still and quiet , I entred the Chamber , dark as Hell , and in a low voice , groaping the contrary way , I cried , Where art ? Here , here , said my Mistress , in a whispering tone : minding from whence the sound came as near I could , I directed my foot-steps to that place : The same words being repeated , conveyed me exactly to that side of the bed whereon my Mistress lay . Taking her about the neck , I kist her a thousand times : not perceiving my mistake , I made all the haste I could ( and all too little ) to undress my self ; which was done in an instant : Opening the Cloths to come to bed , Hold , said my Mistress , I have a Bed-fellow already ; what I have suffered you to do , was onely as a tryal to understand and what you intended . Get you gone to your own bed for this night , and I shall talk with you farther to morrow , I durst not reply , not daring to stay longer , but betook my self to my own Chamber , possest with fear and shame , I nothing but tost and tumbled all that night , taking not the least rest . In the morning early I was up , shewing my self more than ordinarily diligent . But Lord , what a confusion I was in , when I saw my Mistress come into the Shop ? I made an hundred pretences to stoop behind the Counter , and rectifie disordered Wares : So busie I was with my back towards her that she could not have so much as a sight of me . At length she comes up close to me , and turning me about , said , Indeed , you take too much pains , you are too laborious ; fair and softly ; there is a great while to night yet : d●…t a little , I must have a word with you . Hearing this , I presumed to look in her face , and was overjoyed ; for from thence I received a most alluring smile , in stead of a killing frown . This re-armed me with confidence , compelling from me these expressions : Most respectful Mistress , I do with shame confess my self 〈◊〉 a great errour : but if you will consider that the 〈◊〉 thereof was irresistable ; I hope you will in some measure mi●…gate my crime . My very youthfulness speaks my Apology . You cannot be ignorant of the fervent heat of young blood , which sometimes ●…ls beyond its bound . Besides the temperature of my body , ( being of a Sang●…ine complexion ) did add much fuel to that fire . She admired to hear me speak in such a Dialect ; but ●…aying aside her wonder , she bid me tell her the whole truth , and what Contract we had concluded . ●…quivocated in my relation , intending to excuse the mal●… forwardness , and that I onely designed to ●…prize her ●…wares . This ●…ry of mine did 〈◊〉 in the least prevent my Mistresses prying wit , 〈◊〉 quick understanding ; from searching out the 〈◊〉 , ●…ing every meander , finding it our at last , though involved in a labyrinth of obscurities . She told me plainly she knew all , though I endeavoured to conceal it , and desired me , in stead of commands , to withdraw my affectionate thoughts from her , since her resolution was to divorce our persons . Adding moreover , that if I was so amorously inclined , as not content without a Female Object to exercise my passion on , I should elect such a one , whose merit grounded on Beauty , Birth , Wealth , and Power , should command my love , and finally eternize my terrestrial happiness ; and so vanisht from me , leaving my cogitations to their operations . Forty five years had not totally destroyed her beauty , but there was still remaining the ruines of a good face : Her Birth , though from a high extraction , had little influence over me , had not her Wealth ( which she had at her own disposal ) whispered in my ear more than a common felicity . Her last words left a deep impression on my imagination , which were not so enigmatically delivered , but that I could easily interpret them advantagiously enough to my purpose . I resolved within my self to acquiesee , leaving this affair to time to bring it to perfection . CHAP. XI . What divices he found out to Cheat his Master ; and what ways he had to spend it lavishly , at unseasonable hours , on Wine , Wenches , &c. THe time being come again , for the meeting my snipping Brethren , I went prepared with what I could conveniently carry with me . Seeing me come well fraught , my merchants presently clapr me aboard , resolving not to let my commodities lie long on my hands , our truck was soon agreed on to our mutual contents . Then like true Sons of Bacchus , we trouled the full boles about , wishing him that pledged not his fellow , in a dark rainy night on a ryred Jade bare ridged in a dirty lane , with a pocky Whore behind him , and his own bones rotten , nine Miles from an house , not knowing one step of his way , nor having one penny in his pocket . This , or the like dreadful execration , made us tumble off whole Boles like so many thimbles full . Half a dozen of these a piece , were a preludium to our Supper , which usually was composed of the choisest viands . Neither could we eat , without our female Consorts , whom Wine and Musick waired on . After Supper , we fell again to our old Bacchanalian sport , drinking , dancing , or privately treating our Mistresses at a venereal Banquet . When we had drank our selves to ebricty , and satiated our lustful appetires , we betook our selves to our respective habitations , our Masters not dreaming of our night-Revellings . Our own expences were neither valuable nor comparable to what our Mad-Dames put us to , which were so great ( though they made me rack my invention to supply their pretended necessities ) that all my various endeavours could not answer their expectations . I had taken my Gentlewoman a chamber , for which I payed three shillings a week , and upon the bare promise of a Whore , that she should prove constant to me , I allowed her a weekly pension besides , I never came to receive a private favour , but I must return her for it , some special and particular courtesie ; as a Scarfe , an Hood , a Ring , a Whisk , or rich Lace for her Smock . If I failed at any time of paying , I should be severely checked , nay , sometimes threatned , at the least denyed my accustomed Familiarity ; then she would pretend that she had refused many eminent Matches meerly for my sake , that now she saw her self meerly deluded , and therefore would endure it no longer ; and would tell my Master all the proceedings . If I had performed the main , and not presented her when I came with some other gratuity , as a work of Supererrogation , she would deride my Courtship , telling me , I was an empty fellow , that I bestowed my favours on others , and that made me so sparing to her . And that she scorned to be a copartner in my heart . When she thought she had sufficiently nettled me , ( fearing to streign my passion too high ) then a little compry clapping me on the cheeks , calling me , Smock-face Rogue ; come hither Sirrah , I know what you would have , I 'le save your longing . Such sweetned words soon over-powered my soureness & : notwithstanding my intended hardness , I could not forbear melting in her arms . Nowsince opportunity offereth it self so appositly , give me leave to lay open this subtle Female , on whom a strong ascendency of Mercury and Venus , had bestowed so liberal a Talent for Whoring , and Cheating , that few escaped her circumvention that came into her company . The Relation I shall give of this miracle of Female subtilty , will be much advantagious to all sorts of persons . By this those that are viciously inclined may be advised into a Reformation , before they have occasion for Repentance : And they who desying all Admonishment , and are resolved to be wicked in spite , may out of an apprehension of the ensuing danger and punishment , be deterred into caution , &c. A Short survey of a cunning WHORE . WHen first I made my self acquainted with her , I thought my happiness not inferiour to the Grand Seignors , for although he had in his Seraglio the injoyment of an hundred or more of the most select beauties of the Universe , yet did I fancy all those external glories contracted into one , and possessed my matchless Mistriss . As she was fair , so well featured , sprightly and young , four dangerous advantages , when they are accompanied with Wit , Dissimulation , Crast and Impudence , with a covetous desire of injoying of wlaat others possest . She could not be ignorant of her trade , since her mother was a prosest Bawd from the time she brought her into the world . Taking notice of her extraordinary handsomness even from the Cradle , she resolved to dedicate her to the service of Venus , not doubting but the bent of her nature would render her very capable of that employ . Being about thirteen years of age , her beauty was so much taken notice of , that her Lovers swarmed about her . The old Bawd her mother was so overjoyed to see so large and goodly a Troop of Cupids Lanciers , her daughters life-guard , and doubted not now but that she should obtain the plenary fruition of her hopes , and therefore entertained them all , yet watching them so narrowly , that none should taste her fruit unless they bought the tree at a dear rate . She so well observed her daughters natural polity , that she was well assured her insinuations would in a little time command both the hearts and purses of those who courted her . Her design proved as fortunate as she could wish , in as much as among the many that languished for her , there was one so wealthy , as that he never knew the want of a thousand pound , whose heart was inflamed by her eyes . She had now assumed the title of Madam , which one should think belonged to none but who are nobly extracted , however , why should she baulk it , since it is an honour costs little or nothing , and as soon conferred as spoken . This Gentleman was so insnared by the withcrafts of a lovely face , that though he knew the profession and practice of the Mother , and the daughters want of honour , honesty and wealth , yet he resolved upon a marriage within few days without the tediousness of Treaties . When there was a firm contract concluded between them before witnesses , the charitable Bawd his intended mother in law , came to him , & told him if his stomack was raw & could not stay so long till the meat was served up with the usual ceremonies , he should have a bit for a stay , and taste before hand : the proposition was not unwelcome to him , wherefore he instantly took earnest of the happiness he vainly believed would bear him company durante vita . Not long after they bad their nuptials celebrated , and that he might not disparage himself in the worlds eye , as to his inconsiderable choice ; he bought his wife at his proper charge , new cloaths , splendid enough you may guess , with the appendixes of gallantry , rings , jewels , &c. and so brought her home to his house in much state . She had not long lived with him , but she followed the dictates of a luxurious disposition , and a libertine , hating to have her liberty circumscribed or bounded especially by one so remote to her nature and unsuitable in years , wherefore under pretence of visiting this friend , & that couzen , she so blinded her old husband by this plausible excuse , as that shemade her frequent sallies abroad pimp for her desires . Her husband observing her often gaddings and profuse expences , could do no less than suspect more than he was willing to understand , and therefore not onely abridged the liberty she took , but devested her of those ornaments he had bestowed upon her , which so animated her to revenge , that she resolved not to let slip the first opportunity . She soon got acquainted with one suitable to her purpose , a person as much ingaged in debauchery , as his credit was in the world , yet so pleasant he appeared in her eyes , as that a little courting made her wholly at his devotion . Hence we may observe the dangerous consequences of disproportion of age in matching . Surely there can be no agreement between fire and water , between freezing winter and Scorching Summer . Besides , when a woman comes once to have mean thoughts of her husband ( upon any account what ever . ) She is then in the way to affect any body else . She now not onely slighted , but hated him , which made her lanch out into all the excesses that exasperared , & vicious woman-kind can imagine or contrive , from whence she may either derive satisfaction or advantage , neither could she want assistance or councel , as long as the old experienced Bawd her mother lived . This good old Dotard finding himself so abused , that the whole world must needs call his reason in question ; if he suffered any longer his loose wise to Career thus in Luxury and Wantonness , resolved within himself to call her to a severe accompt , intending withal to reduce her by kindness , as well as sharpness , and so equally to temper his frowns with smiles , that she should not tell which of those two ingredients were most powerful in the effecting the cure of his lust-sick wanton . Returning one evening from her revels abroad , the old Cuckold took her to task ; sharply reproving her for her Gaddings , her Tavern meetings , with debauched and licentious persons ; her lavish expence in paying the Reckonings where ever she came , but especially her supplying the necessities oflusty younger Brothers , which resupplyed hers . The old man had so spent his spirits and breath , in schooling his Lecherous Truant , that he was forced to conclude his wormwood Lecture in an excessive cough ; the inseparable Companion of him and Age. My bucksome Madam searing he was streining for more of that unpleasing stuff , which had so lately offended her ears , left him half strangled with a Tyfick . In this Interval , a female Neighbour of his came in , a Gentlewoman of that worth , that Virtue and Gentility contended in her for priority : How is it I pray Sir ( said she ) I am much troubled to see you in this condition ? You lie , you lie , you Whore ( said he ) his ears being so furd by Time , that he could not distinguish this Gentlewomans voice from his Wises ; neither could he see , his violent coughing forced down such a torrent of moisture into his eyes ; that his sight was totally drowned : Continuing his railing ; See me in this condition ? I believe you would be glad to see me out ofit , you Strumpet , Lump of Lechery , Cheat , she Devil , what shall I call thee ? there is no name too bad : And then cought again so violently , that it was in vain to speak to him ; but when this violent fit abated , she resolved to say something , though her amazment to hear what she neither deserved , nor expected , would hardly give her permission . At last she spake to him , and reasoned with him , why he should thus stain her honour which was hitherto spotless , undefiled ; that her actions had ever been so far from rendring her , what he unworthily represented , that they made her famous , and lookt on as a good example for her Neighbours to follow and immitate . I , I ; infamous you mean ( said he ) and let me alone to make you such an example , that you shall have followers enough to see you Carted , you Bitch whore . Why , who am I said the Gentlewoman , that you thus abuse me ? Am I , ( said he ) you are Touchwood , Tinder , Salt-peter , Gunpowder , Wildfire , nay , worse then all this , my Wife . By this the Gentlewoman verily concluded him to be mad , and fearing lest his srenzie might be converted into fury , was thinking to slip from him just as his cough left him , and his eyes again restored to him , with the insight of his mistake ; which made him much condemn his fallacious age , that had put this trick on him . Apologies ( as many as this old mans sterile invention could frame ) were not wanting to excuse this obsurdity and errour : Neither was his Wife without the height of mirth behind the Hangings , to hear how much her doting fool was mistaken ; who had not patience any longer to discourse his Visitant , but obruptly left her in quest of his abused Wife as he now supposed , imagining from this grand mistake , that what ever before he had either seen or heard of his wife , was nothing but the genuine product of his own idle and jealous brain . After he had made a strict enquiry through the whole house for his wife , he at length found her out cloistered in a Garret , into which she had conveyed her self , coming softly behind the Hangings , wherein she had hid her self ; and the better to colour her intended Villany , hearing her Husband ascend the Stairs , she put her self into a praying posture . The old man seeing her on her knees , had like to have broke his neck for haste , not minding so much the disturbance he should give her ( pretended ) devotion , as the satisfaction he injoyed to see his mistake confirmed . Being out of breath , his discourse was abrupt and broken , neither did he know which was most expedient , either first to question her , or crave her pardon : at length he threw himself at her feet ( for indeed he could hardly stand upon his feeble Legs , ) and hanging down his Head ( I knew not whether he cried ) a salt Rhume gushed through the port-holes of his Head , which looked like scalding Teares ; so and so they might be , for by their burning heat , any might conclude the loss of the hair of his Eyelids , and that thereby the shriveled skin of his Countenance was parcht . It was a long time ere he could speak , and no wonder , since this was the second time of his Infancy ; but at length with much ado , with a look as pittiful as his Rhetorick , he asked forgiveness . She seemed strangely surprized , and not onely wondred at , but taxc him for the Irrationality of his Petition . The pretence of her ignorance in what had past , made him the more eager to discover his ridiculous folly . In short , he gave her to understand , that since he was mistaken in a thing so palpable , he might very well question whether all former reports , and his own evil opinion of her , might not be posited on the same basis of falshood . That for the time to come , he would never admit of jealousie within his breast , and to give a full confirmation to what he protested ; he instantly delivered her his Keys , committing to her trust what he had of greatest value . This cunning Quean would not accept this kind proffer , but with much pressing , and then sealing his pardon with a kiss , an everlasting affection was seemingly agreed upon . For two or three months after she behaved her self so well , that had her Husband had Argus his hundred eyes , he could not perceive any thing that might blemish her Reputation , or trouble his head . Her Cue being come to enter and act her part on the Stage of deceit , she appeared and managed her business to the purpose . For having given her Mother a Catalogue of those rich things she had in her possession ; she never left her daughter till they had conveyed all away which might be carried in the day time without any notice taken ; and at an appointed night getting the Servants to bed , and delivering the Key of the street-door to the old Bawd her Mother , she played the part of a woman in general , by lulling her Husband in bed by dissimulation and flattery , into a fond opinion of her cordiality to him , whilst her agent then were leaving him as naked of goods , as he was at that time of Apparel . In the morning she arose by times , before the old man was stirring , and went instantly to her mother who had provided her lodgings . Then did she change her name to hinder detection , and that she might add to her security ; she never went abroad but with her Vizard Mask , and in as many varieties of Suits as there are months in the year , which though but thirteen , yet did she make them ring as many changes as BOW BELLS . Not long after she had played this exploit , it was my unhappiness to be acquainted with her , by coming accidentally to our Shop , where buying some wares , it was so ordered that I must bring them to her Chamber . According to the time appointed I waited on her , but found my self extreamly mistaken in my Chapwoman . For instead of paying me for my commodity , she would have truckt with me Ware for Ware ; which I would no ways assent to ; finding me no fit person for her purpose , she dismist me by discharging the debt . This passage did so run in my mind , that I could not be at quiet till I had purposed a time to visit her , and indeed I was forceably prickti on thereunto by those matchless features , I saw in her incomparable face . My Master riding out of Town I found a very fit opportunity to make my address to her , which I thought would be the more wellcome by bringing a present with me . Her memorie was so good that she knew me again , and shrewdly guessed at my Errant , and indeed I was not long in the discovery thereof : There were but two words to a bargain and so struck up the business : So much delight I took in her at that time , and she in me , that we interchangably promised each others constancy of affection . Mine and my females extravagancies , made me invent as many ways to cheat , as we had ways to spend what was this way gotten . If I had heard any friend say , they must buy a Gown , I had my mercer ready for that purpose ; If a Suit and Cloak , my Draper , and the like : sometimes telling my friend , That I was acquainted with one , that would sell me a far cheaper pennyworth than any one else , other times , that such an one owed me some moneys , and that this way I could both pleasure my friend , and hedg in mine own debt . Though I drove a great trade this way , receiving still ready cash , yet this would not do alone . As an assistance I guilded the money-box every day , receiving my part first , before my Master should take his , which usually he did every night , putting it into his Till . I could not sleep for thinking how I might be intimately acquainted with the inwards of this same Till . Several projects I made tryal of , but none suited my purpose so well , as a Barbers pair of Curling irons . I got a File from a Smith , and to work I went with my Curling irons , filing them to slip in easily , and to turn round . The first Essay I made thereof , had like to have put me into an Extasie for joy . I laid them upon their edge , opened them wide , I pincht the money below ; holding fast , I turned them on their side , and so drew up the money to the mouth of the Scotch : now because there was many times so much , that it would not come throw , with a knife I would slide away piece after piece , till I had ●…itted the money to the narrowness of the passage . I seldom brought up at a time less than three shillings , a good draught , not ceasing till I had gotten twenty or thirty shillings at a time , or more , according to the quantity of the stock . Finding my Engine act according to my desires , I could not be content without congratulating my success . My Master was seldom at home , wherefore I askt my Mistress to go out for an hour , promising her not stay beyond my limited time : She consented , and I overjoyed , pickt up a Rambler or two , and away we went to honest Ralph . Being glad to see us , planted us in a convenient room fit for his purpose . There was never a Pint he scored at the Bar , but he had a Quart-Bottle in his Breeches for it . They all wondred to see me so srollick , but I thought it wisdom to conceal the depth of my practice from them . After we had drank very smartly , I came home , transgressing but a little beyond my time . My Mistress was very well pleased , telling me , I should have Icave another time , since I was so punctual . Those Bottles of Sack we drank , ran perpetually in my ●…inde ; for it was the very flower of Wine . In the commemoration of my Friends courtefie , and the goodness of that Liquor , I gave my contemplative fancy leave to characterise a Bottle of Canary , thus . THE CHARACTER OF A Bottle of Canary . HE is Gentleman I assure you well extracted , which once lived like a Salamander in the midst of the flames , and had he not been burnt , he had never proved sound . He seems a Prodigy : For that which we live by , decays him , hating Air , as Ba●…chus hates small Beer . He will lie still if you smother him , and is never so well , as when his breath is stopr . Bury him , and you make him quicker . As for his habit , it is ever plain , yet neat : Though Nobly born , he scorns not to wear a Green Coat , with a badge on it ; and you cannot injure him worse than to pick a hole in his Coat . Though he wears for the most part one sort of Garb , yet he is never out of fashion , acceptable to the best of company , not regarding his outward dress , but valuing his inward worth : However , his Suit is made of admirable Stuff , for his outside never grows barer , and his Linings are the fresher for wearing . So choice he is in his Cloathing , that he rather ●…huferb to have his brains knockt out , than to have a ●…ent in his Garment . He wears a●… la mode Hat , as light ( and almost as little ) as a Shittle-cock , which he puts off to none ; but like the Quaker when brought before a Magistrate , hath it taken off for him . As for this Pedegree , I know not how to derive it ; for he hath had in him the best and purest of the French blood , but will now acknowledge his Place onely from the Spaniard , whom he imitates , being stately and standing always upright ; treads for the most part on Carpets , and never stirs abroad but when he is carried , yet full of activity . If he runs fast and long , the more winde he gets . If he chance to fall , which is seldome , for many looks to him , he whl be extreamly moved , yet ( contrary to all men ) the fuller his belly is , the less hurt he receives ; his credit is large , never paying for what he wears , running on the score perpetually ; his conditions are a riddle ; there is in him pure vertue , and notorious vice ; the quintessence of love , and the venome of hatred . He is the beginning and the end of a thousand quarrels in a year , yet a very Coward ; for he suffers any to take him by the ear , and never broke any ones pate , but when company was by . He is very facetious in society , and will spend himself freely to the last drop , if a Ladies soft and warm hand will raise him He is a brisk Spark , and therefore Courtiers adore him ; he is smooth in his expression , and therefore Ladies delight in him ; he is filled with nimble fancies , therefore the Wits frequent him , exhausting his radical moisture , to distil it into Poetical Raptures ; for conce●…s never run faster from the Limbick of their brains , than when this Gentleman adds fuel to the Furnace . He whets wit , yet dulls it ; creates new Fancies , and stupifies . Gives the Orator a fluent tongue , and makes him speechless . Gives a Poet seet till he cannot go . And as he helps Ministers to preach , so he likewise silenceth more than the Spanish inquisition . He hath a great many tricks in him : He will make a Faulkner flye high w ithin doors : Makes a Huntsman catch a Fox by the fire-side . What ever he holds , is made good ; and unless you mind him well , much good matter that falls from him , may be lost : for he is often fluent beyond measure . All Tongues court him ; and those that look narrowly unto him , shall find him no dry Fellow . The truth is , he is too profound for shallow brains to meddle with him : He will pour out quaint expressions and hard words so thick , that the best Scholars are glad at last to give him something to stop his mouth : Yet hold him up fairly , and you may get all he hath out of him . He is excessively beloved and relishes all Company , being pleasant , and full of admirable humours . He is inwardly acquainted with the Lord Mayor and Aldermen , and incorporateth with their Wives daily . His Kisses are so sweet , that they lick their lips after him ; and though his breath be strong , yet it is not offensive . He is a true Good-Fellow , drinking till he hath no eyes to see with : Good Liquor is his Life and Soul , and he is never musty but for want of it . He will drink till he be filled up to the very throat , and gape whilst others put it in . He will bear as much Sack as any man in England of his bulk ; yet he will be soon drunk in Company . But if you will give him leave to vomit , he will take his Liquor and drink fresh , till all the Company be forced to leave him . Drinking is his hourly exercise , seldome lying out of a Tavern . He is the main Upholder of Club-meetings , without fear of being broke . He picks mens pockets , yet is never made more reckoning of than by such persons . As for his Estate , I can onely say this , That all he hath he carries about him ; yet generally he is reputed rich : What he hath , he holds upon courtesie ; but what he gives others , is held in Capite . What he possesseth , is commonly upon Sale ; yet more for plenty , than for want ; and if you can purchase him , you purchase all . I could never indure Idleness , I was ever in action ; either writing , or contriving or putting in execution my contrivances ; I thought it better male agere quam nibil agere , my brains or hands were continually working and very soldom but effectually , My pen was generally so happy in discoveries , that my wit was much applauded by the most censorious , much respected I was , and my company much importuned by the Tanker-barers of Helicon by which meanes I so swelled with pride that I thought my self little inferior to Apollo , I called Mercury Pimp , the nine Sisters Whores , whom I had frequently layn with and might when I pleased , the best title I could bestow on Pegasus was Hackny-Jade . In the height of this my opinionativeness , my Cooler ( our Masters mayd came to me where I was alone ) and after many heart fecht sighs , told me she found her self with childe ; which news had like to have deprived me of my understanding : but knowing that Vexation never remedies but rather adds to trouble , I was resolved to bear it patiently and study some means to preserve her and my Credit . I framed a Letter as from her Father , desiring her to come down into the Country speedily , if she intended to see him alive ; and according as we had laid the Plot , she shews it her Mistress , desiring her leave to shew her duty to her dying Father . Our Mistress most willingly consented thereunto , as knowing that there was more than ordinary love between us ; the maid had staid as long as possibly she might without discovery , Lacing her self very streight , and keeping down her belly with three Busks : but now she made haste to rub off : I had provided a Midwife that should be her Bawd too : but this could not be done without extraordinary cost . After her Delivery , I found the keeping of her and the Child very expensive : then did I begin to consider what a vast charge , and how many various troubles this momentary lecherous pleasure draws upon a man : how furiously he is upon the onset , and how quickly satisfied , loathing that Object he a little before longed for . Well I bethought my self how to be rid both of Cow and Calf . I told her I would get together what moneys I could , and so marry her , upon this condition she would be willing to travel with me whither I went , which I knew was her onely desire : I informed her of my intention to go for Virginia ; and the reasons that induced me thereunto . First , her disgrace would not be known there : Next , my Master could have no power over me ; insisting further on the pleasantness of that Continent , and the plenty of every thing , &c. She assented to all I propounded , relying her self solely on me to dispose of her as I pleased . To palliate my design , I went with her to Gravesend , pretending as if I was then going with her beyond Sea , for no other end but to clear my self from her there , knowing that after she had past examination , or search of the Block-House , she would meet with no more , Being aboard , I suddenly seemed to have forgot something ashore ; having well laid my Plot upon the Basis of a good Sum of money , I had distributed among the Sea-men with a considerable present to the master , and telling my Landabris I would return to her instantly , I got into the Boat ; and immediately after the Ship wayed Anchor , and quickly was under Sail. I confess notwithstanding the Devil had at that time the total possession of me ; yet I was much troubled at what I had done so hard-heartedly and cruelly . A flood of tears had so overwhelmed my sight , that I could not discern the Ship in which she was : so sensible I was of the wickedness of this Fact , that Dido like , I could have thrown my self into the Sea after her , had not a good Woman , whose Husband was in the same Ship , prevented me . Observing my tears , 'T is probable , Young Man , ( said she ) you have lately taken your leave of some dearly beloved Friend ; and I guess , by your earnest looking after yond Ship under sail , the person was in her . I told her it was truth . My Husband is in the same Vessel , ( said she ) and therefore I have as much cause to grieve as you . Come , be of good comfort , Man , Friends must part ; and it is better to part here than at the Gallows . Go along with me , and we will wash down sorrow ; and with a Glass of neat Canary , antidote our hearts against any thing that may distrub them . With that I lookt intentively in her face , and found it correspondent with a jolly temper . An Eye black and piercing ; and Eye brow black also , and each as big as a mans thumb comparatively : a signe that never fayls to denote that Woman capable of giving a man the greatest delectation . She was every way compleatly handsome , and suitable to the desires of the most curious Critick in Love-affairs , I thought it a shame to deny so kind a prosfer , and a crime in Youth unpardonable not to imbrace that opportunity , that shall lead him by the hand into Venus her Bed-chamber . With that I addrest my self to her , ( and afterwards undrest together ) declaring that the force of her Rhetorick , assisted by her external , beautiful , and altogether lovely form , had forced me to forget my one dearly beloved she-friend , and become her Proselyte , her absolutely devoted convert , and would prostrate my will to be guided by hers and her command . With that we concluded to solace our selves at the next Tavern , I applyed my self to my old way of insinuation : which soon melted her , so that I saw I might when I pleased stamp loves impression on her returning to Gravesend we soon lodged our selves conveniently for our intended purpose , having so done , I so ordered the matter that there was not any thing wanting that might please our sences . Yet fearing left her love should cool again , there was no Art forgotten that might serve to entertain it . Delays in love affairs are dangerous : Women love not to be too long Tantalized ; there is a certain critical time to know their inclination ; which if you punctually observe , you shall assuredly reap the fruits of your desires ; if not , you may perpetually wait , but never enioy the like opportunity . Wherefore the Iron glowing hot , I thought good to strike , to enliven my spirits , she sent for a noise of Musick , ordering them to play in the next Room . And in the end we began to think of some repose , agreeing before to lie in two Chambers contiguous to each other ; which were accordingly provided . As soon as I thought all the Houshold were in bed , I repaired to my mistress , who eagerly expected my coming ; approaching the bed-side , she clasped me in her arms : As soon as day broke ; I arose , bespeaking a fat Capon swaddled with Sassages , and a Quart of Buttered Sack. I got all ready by the time ofher rising , she was extraordinarily well pleased in my double diligence of serving her , having applauded my industrie and care of her , we fell to it , interlining every bit with a Glass of Canary . She told me she would never part whilst she had a penny left , having about her some Thirty Pieces of Gold. Well ( said I ) my Dear , since it is thy resolution , a match ; but let me be Steward : Which she agreed unto , delivering into my hands what Gold she had . For two or three hours I shewed my self very officious in my place ; but considering that when this money was spent , we should not know what to do , I thought it was better for one to want than two ; besides , I had lately surfeited on a Medler , and therefore my stomack nauseated the very thoughts thereof . I had feed the Drawer to bring me word just as the Gravesend Barge was going off ; which accordingly he did by a private sign concluded betwixt us . I then pretended an excuse to go down under the notion of providing something novel , which should be conducible to our mirth and jollity . I had just so much time below to write her these lines in stead of a solemn leave taking , leaving them with the Drawer to present her , and so went aboard the Barge for London . Madam I 'm gone ; no wonder , for you know , Lovers encounters , are but touch and go . Arriving at Billings-gate , I went straight to a Tavern , where I had an interest with the Drawer , resolving there to consult seriously with my self what course to follow , being as yet unresolved what to do . After I had raised my dulled spirits with a glass or two , I concluded to hazard my Masters good opinion , nay , and my Mistresses affection too ; which though at that present it only smoaked , I might easily divine , that in process of time , it would burst forth into a flame . Being before consined to my Masters time , I began to consider what an excellent thing Liberty was , equally estimable with Health ; which two , though they are the greatest and most precious gifts ( next our Redemption ) the Creator of the world hath bestowed on mankind ; yet we poor mortals , value them not till we are sensible of their want , by being deprived of them . This is an infallible maxime , That the deprivation of a thing shall be so much the more evil , as the possession thereof is good . Now if Liberty be such an excellent and delectable thing when enjoyed , how miserable are those that want it ? Having moneys in my Pocket , I concluded to experiment the enjoyment thereof , and to participate of such delights the nature of young men is most inclinable to . Now man being a sociable Creature , I thought I should reap but little satisfaction to my self in the expence of my moneys , without an Associate : Wherefore I sent to an Apprentice of my intimate acquaintance contemporary with me , and who had often prompted me to ramble with him . This Lad was his Masters Casheer , which I knew would much assist my design . I made him acquainted with my intention of trying the world : Though it had been formerly his own motion , yet he seemed at the first something startled ; but all his doubts I resolved ; adding moreover . That to have our wills inslaved to other mens , was a thing insupportable , since that we were as well as they , created free Denizens of this world . That since our great Grand-Father was Emperor of the whole world , we could not stile our selves less than Princes , and therefore debased our Birth by a voluntary submission to Service and Slavery . I had no great occasion to make use of many Arguments to this purpose ; for his own inclination was sufficient to perswade him . The result of our discourse was a firm resolution to become two Knights-errant . I advise him forthwith to go home and bring with him what Cash he had in his possession ; which he readily performed , and indeed more then I could expect , being 200 l. the Fates having so decreed to favour this our first bold exploit , as tryal of what we durst attempt . CHAP. XII . How he frequented Bawdy-houses ; what exploits he committed in them ; the Character of a Bawd , a Whore , a Pimp , and a Irapan ; their manner of living ; with a Detection of their wicked lives and Conversations . BEing full Fraught with money , we undertook our Progress , promising to our selves all delight imaginable , but not considering what the effect would be . We frequented all places of pleasure , but among the chief , we ranked Brothel-houses , which were our Repositories . We seldom were seen in the Streets by day , fox fear of discovery ; confining our selves close Prisoners to some Bubbing-hou●…e ; at night ( like such as closely delighted in deeds of darkness ) we would sometimes flutter abroad . Our pastime was to hire Coaches to any pretended place , and when we came near it , to make our escape . One time leaping out of the Boot , my Cloak chanced to rangle in the spokes of the Wheel , the Coachman not perceiving we were got out , drove on ; by the wheels continually turning , my Garment was so ingaged , that I verily believed my sins had now conserred upon me the just punishment of being executed on the wheel , which I could hardly have avoided , had I not speedily unbuttdned my Cloak : I was loath to bid the Coachman stop , thinking I should have it at last ; I ran I , acquy-like a long way , but all my endeavours to shift it , proved ineffectual ; so that at length I was forced to cry out , Hold Coachman . The Coachman coming out of his Box , soon perceived the fallacy , and straightways demanded his money for his hire , before he would untangle my Cloak , which I was compelled to give him . Delivering me my Cloak , he told me , I had paid him , but he had not paid me for my attendance on him : And said moreover , That my Cloak would not look like a Livery , unless it were laced ; and with that , with his whip , lashed me well favouredly . Another sort of Pastime we used , was to kick the old Watchmens Lanthorns about the street ; and it may be sometimes confer a blow or two on their sleepy nodles , and then flie for it . We practised this foolery so often , till at length we were met with , and rightly served . It was thus : In Paternoster-row , we found a fellow at nodie upon a stall , with his Lanthorn and Candle by him , having first seized on that , and thrown it into the Kennel , we prosecuted our abuse by falling upon him , and beating him . Having so done , we betook our selves to flight ; but here we mistook our mark , thinking him to be an old decriped Watchman , and one that had little ●…se of his eyes , without those in his Pocket ; whereas to our cost , we found him as nimble and as light footed as a stag , who overtaking us , surprized us ; and as he was carrying us before the Constable ; we met with the grand Round , who , without much examination , committed us as Rats to the Counter . The chiefest thing that troubled us , was the apprehension of our Masters knowing where we were . But we resolved to drown'd that care ; we had not been there long , before other Rats , Male and Female , were brought in to bear us company . Some of the men were all bloody , and their Mobs Scarfs and Hoods all rent , and none of them sober : Damming and Sinking were the constant flourishes of thier discourse ; calling for drink was the Argument they held , and roaring in distracted notes was their Harmony . Though I my self was comparatively wicked , yet I blessed my God I had not arrived to that height these superlative Villains had attained to . Being in their company , I thought my self in the Suburbs , or on the confines of Hell. Sin , if it be dressed up in specious pretences , may be entertained as a companion ; but when it appears in its own shape , it cannot but strike horror into the Soul of any , though desparate , if not stupified . Wherefore me thought I was so far from associating my self with them , that I protest , the lendness of their actions were so represented to me with such desormity , that I knew not which I loathed most , them or the Prison . I cannot make appear to the world what they were , nor my resentments , unless I should stuff a page or two with all manner of horrid Oaths , Execrations , Blasphemies and such like soul-infecting and destroying Plague-sores ; wherefore I shall onely take leave to anatomize the Place that deteined us from our freedom . Then look upon a Prison as in it self , and it may be fitly termed a temporal Hell. For as the other is a receptacle for damned Souls , the Gates thereof standing wide open ; so that this refuseth the reception of none , though never so wicked a miscreant . Though my durance in this place was but short , yet I could not but take some observations , imploying from thence the faculties of my Soul , to draw up the definition of a Prison , Hell is a very proper denomination for it , since it is a place composed of nothing but disorder and confusion ; Land of darkness , inhabited by calamity , horror , misery , and confusion ; a bottomless Pit of fraud , violence and stench . A Prison is the Banishment of Courtesie , the Centre of Infamy and Disparagement , the Destruction of good Wits , the Treasure of Despair , the Fining-Pot of Friendship , a Den of Deceivers , a Forrest of Ravenous Beasts . Here you may see one Weeping , another singing ; one Sleeping , another Swearing ; every one variously imployed ; one Eating in a corner , and another Pissing-just by him ; another Lowsing himself between both ; it may be heretofore a military man , and therefore loath to forget his Art , but rather exercising it in the killing of his bodily Enemies , bearing the blood on his nail , as the Trophies of his Victory . It is to speak most properly a living Tomb or grave to bury men alive in , wherein a man for half a years experience may learn more Law , then he can in three Terms for an hundred pound . It is a little Wood of woe , a Map of misery , a place that will learn a young man more villany , if he be apt to take it in six months , than at twenty Gaming Ordinaries , Bowling-Allies or Bawdy-houses , and an old man more policy , than if he had been Pupill to Matchiavell . This Place hath more diseases predominant in it than the Pest-house in a Plague time ; and stinks worse than my Lord Mayors Dog-house . It is a little Common-wealth , although little wealth common there ; it is a desart , where desert lies hood-winkt . The Place is as intricate as Rosamonds Labyrinth , and is so full of Meanders and Crooked turnings , that it is impossible to finde the way out , except he be directed by a Silver Clue , and can never overcome the Minoraure without a Golden-ball to work his own safety . Thus much in short ; the next day paying our Fees , and receiving some checks , with good admonitions from the Justice , we were discharged . This misfortune made us not a jot more cautious , but assoon as we were at liberty , we went upon the sent to Mother C●…-formerly famous for the Citizens wives that frequented her house ; and still rides Admiral of all the rest of her function about the Town . I hope the next time I go to visie her , she will not get me clapt for the pains I take in praising her . The truth of it is , of all the Bawd●… I know , she merits most , having an house fit for the accommodation of the best : As for her walking Utensils , they are composed of refined mettal , alwayes neatly kept ; which , because they are not used upon all slight occasions , they appear the more delectable to the eye . Assoon as we had entered the door , I could hear a ruffling of Silks in sundry places : I conceive it was their policy , by seeming modesty , to set a greater edge on our appetites . We were conducted into a large handsome Room , bottles of Wine were brought up , both Spanish and French , with Salt meats to relish the Pallate , though we gave no order for them : But , it seems , it was the custom of the house , a chargeable one , but without a piece spending , you shall know little of their practices . At length , up came the old Matron , she seats her self by me , and began to be impudently acquainted , chucking me under the chin , calling me her Son Smock-face . Having well warmed our selves with Wine , and the good Gentlewoman perceiving that our bloods began to heat . Well , said she , I guess at the intent of your coming hither , neither shall you go away unsatisfied . Nature will have its course , and if in Youth it be stopt , it will but , Torrent-like , flow with the greater impetuosity . Come , I see by your countenances , that ye were born sons of mirth and pleasure , shew then what stock ye came of : If you want Subjects to exercise your parts on , we 'll have more Wine ; and when ye are inflamed , ye shall have the benefit of a Cooler . With that she leaves us ; but another of the same Sex , though three degrees different in age , supplied her place . At first view I seemed very well pleased ; handsome she was , and very proportionable , but withal so impudent , that I was antidoted against lechery . Ista femina qua limites vericundiae semel excesserit , opportet illam essegraviter impudentem . If once a woman pass the bounds of Shamefac'dness , she will seldom stop till she hath arrived to the heighth of Impudence . I must needs deal ingeniously at the beginning , The Needle of my Microcosm was toucht by Loves Loadstone . But upon further acquaintance , if I might have had an hundred pounds , I could not have medled with her . Though she had baited her desires with a million of prostitute countenances and enticements , yet I lookt upon her rather a Companion for an Hospital , and stood more in need of a Chy●…rgions acquaintance than mine . My Friend had nibbled at the bait ; but when I heard them capitulating about the price , I thought she wanted a Fee for the Doctor . Well , had she not over-traded , she had not broke so soon , for her trade is opposite to all others : for she did set up without credir , and her too much custome undid her ; and so let her go , without either shame or hope of repentance . We desired to see another : 'T is variety that Man cheifly takes delight in : One constant sort of Food , without participating of any other , though Manna , will cause the stomack to long for the Flesh-pots : Neither can the crime be greater in the enjoyment of divers persons , than one alone , provided Matrimony make not the Act Legitimate : I do not approve of these consequent lines tending to this purpose , yet give me leave to insert them , that you may understand how viciously minded some are in this frothy age . Born under some ill Planet , or accurst , Is he that loves one single Whore : Who with one draught can always quench his thirst , Ty'd to one Mistress , and no more . This nauseating thing being removed , up came one of Venus her chief Darlings , excellent Flesh ! and she her self the Cook that drest it , spending most of her day time about it , that she might with the better appetite be tasted at night . Finding no exceptions in this , I was impatient till I had consummated my desires , withdrawing into another room . To heighten my thoughts , she declared to me her Birth and Education ; that as the one was well extracted , the other had occasioned much cost and expence . That for her parts she associated with none but persons of quality , who by long patience , intreatments , which first procured a familiarity , and in fine freedom in the exercise of love affairs ; and so would have ( seemingly ) put me off upon this score , that it was not usual for her to admit of any to her embraces , but such whose long acquaintance had gained her affection . I offered her a Crown , which she refused with indignation , telling me , That she was not yet reduced to so low a condition , as to become so poor a Mercenary Prostitute . At last , with much perswasion , I fastned on her an half Piece , and so striving with her ( she onely seeming averse ) I accomplisht my ends . And presently in came a fellow , whose very face would have enlightned the room , though in the darkest night : for indeed it appeared to me a Blazing Star , and his Nose ( for miraculously he had preserved it ) was the brushy Tayl. Laying his hand on his Sword , he looked fiercer than a Spanish Don insulting over an Indian Slave . The bulk of his Body began to heave like an Earthquake , whilest his mouth , Etna-like , belcht out all manner of sulphurous Oaths , which roared so loud , as if his belly had contained a barrel of Gun-powder , and the Linstock of his Nose had fired it . His courteous Salutation to me , was , How darest thou , Son of a Whore , presume in this nature to dishonor me , in the abusing of my wife , without the expectation of an immediate annihilation or dissipation into Atomes ? But I have something here shall tame thy insolence , and now I am resolved toset thy Blood abroach . With that he seemed to make a Pass at me : Now I , imagining that he really intended to do what he pretended , for the safe-guard of my life , took up a Jovnt-stool , and received his point in the seat , and following it home , tumbled him down the stairs , and not being able to recover my self , fell with him . My Comerade came running down at the noise to assist me , but he seeing me rather make use of my heels than hands , followed my example , and so built a Sconce , leaving the old Bawd to condole her great loss , for her Reckoning was very considerable . Now because I have often met with these Hectors or Trapanning Villains , I think it will not be unsuitable to this present Discourse , to insert their Character . THE CHARACTER OF AN HECTOR OR TRAPPAN . A Bawdy-house is his Cloyster , where he constantly says his Mattins . He is an Whores Protector , pretending himself more valiant than any of the ancient Heroes , thereby thinking to take off the suspicion of a Coward from himself : For the opinion of Valor is a good protection to those that dare not use it . His frequent drawing his Sword upon any slight occasion , makes the ignorant suppose him Valiant , whereas he durst not do it , but when he is confident no danger will ensue thereon . He never strikes any , but such he is sure will not return his blows . In company he is wonderful exceptious and cholerick , thinking in the fray some booty may be obtained : but his wrath never swells higher than when men are loth to give him any occation ; but the onely way to pacifie him , is to beat him soundly . The hotter you grow , the milder he is , proresting he always honoured you . The more you abuse him , the more he seems to love you : if he chance to be quarrelsome , you may threaten him into a quiet temper . Every man is his Master that dares beat him , and every one dares that knows him ; and he that dares do this , is the onely man can do much with him . Yet if he knows a Coward , he will purposely fall out with him , to get Courresies from him , and so be bribed into a reconcilement . Yet I cannot say but than he may fight , ( if with great advantage ) being so accustomed to the sight of drawn Swords , which probably may infuse something of a conceit into him ; which he so magnifies by his own good opinion , that he would have people believe that the Mole-hill of his Prowess no less than a Mountain . This little he hath , he is no Niggard in displaying , resembling some Apothecaries Shops , full of Pots , though little contained in them . His Estate lies in Contrivances , and though other Landlords have but four Quarter-days , he hath three hundred sixty and odd to receive the fruits of his Stratagems . He is well skill'd in Cards and Dice , which help him to cheat young Gulls newly come to Town ; and the reason he usually gives for it , is , A Woodcock must be pl●…kt ere he be drest . If that will not do , he carries him to one of his Mistresses , and so both join to plume this Fowl : if there be not ready money to answer expectation , a Bond of considerable value shall for we turn , attested by two shall swear any thing for half a Crown . No man puts his brain to more use then he ; for his life is a daily invention , and each meal a mear stratagem . He hath an excellent memory for his acquaintance ; if there ever past but an How do you ? between him and another it shall serve seven years hence for an embrace , and that for money . Out of his abundance of joy to see you , offers a pottle of Wine ; and in requital of his kindness , can do no less than make you pay for it whilest you are drawing money , he sumbles in his pockets ( as School-boys with their points , being about to be whipt ) till the Rockoning be paid , and says It must not be so , yet is easily perswaded to it ; and then cries Gentlemen , you force me to incivillity . When his whores cannot supply him , he borrows of any that will lend him ought of this man a shilling , and of another as much ; which some lend him , not out of hope to be repayed , but that he will never trouble them again . If he finds a good look from any , he will haunt him so long , till he force a good nature to the necessity of a quarrel . He loves his Friend as one doth his Cloak , that hath but one , and knows not how to get another ; he will be sure to wear him thread-bear ere he for sake him . Men shun him at last as infection ; nay , his old Companions , his Cloaths that have hung upon him so long , at length fall off too . His prayer in a morning is , That his Chears may take effect that day ; if not , that he may be drunk before night . He sleeps with a Tobacco pipe in his mouth , and he dreams of nothing but Villany . If any mischief escapes him , it was not his fault , for he lay as fair for it as he could . He dares not enter into a serious thought left he hang himself , but if such melancholy seize him , the Drink is his refuge , and Drunkenness cures him . Lastly he commonly dies like a Malefactour on the Gallows , or like Hercules with fire in his bones . When hanged , if begged for an Anatomy , it would serve to convert Tobacco-smokers from delighting in the excess thereof ; for they will find the funnel of his body , I mean his throat , furred and choakt up . Being freed from danger , we rejoiced exceedingly that we thus so narrowly escaped , resolving to house our selves in the next Bubbling-place we came to , that we night talk freely of this rencounter . A place ( pointed out to us by the Devils Finger ) soon presented it self to our Eyes , which we with more than good speed entered , and coming into the Kitchin , I was not a little amazed at the sight of a thing sitting in a Chair by the fire-side , with a Pipe of Tobacco in its mouth , and a Quarter of Strong-Waters by its side . This Tun of Flesh resembled an Elephant for the bignesse of her Waste , had there been the least appearance of Tooth : A Nose she had ( which with all wonder be it spoken that she had any ) so long , as that it was a fit resemblance of the Elephants Proboscis or Trunk . But as I said before , her Teeth were faln out ; and as loving Neighbours to reconcile them , her Chin and Nose resolved to meet about it . She bids us Welcome as well as she could speak . Go , I think she could not ; but opening her mouth , Lord , what strong imaginations my fancy suggested to me ! Me thought I saw Hell gaping to favour me ; and within that bottomless Concave , could discern infinite numbers of Souls whose damnation she was accessary to ; and coming somewhat too near her , I imagined her breath was bitumenous and smelt of Brimstone . She might fitly be compared to an old Coal that hath been well burnt , that with the least spark will rekindle and fire any thing near it . But her fittest likeness is the Devil , her Envy running paralel with his . All that the Devil endeavours is to bring Mankind into the same state with himself , and a Bawds crime is to make all fair women like her : now because their youth perhaps will not admit of it so soon , she hurries them on to it by degrees , by drinking , smoaking , painting , and the dayly excess in venery . I lookt about her house very inquisitively , but I could not judge her Moveables ( setting aside her quick Cattel ) to be worth an Inventory . Her bedding I doubt me too is infectious , few coming neer it but they are presently taken with a fit of the falling-sickness . This old Beldame , being loth to put her throat to the trouble of calling her white Devils about her , had got a Whistle , on which she used several Notes , which Musical language her Girls understood very well . We called for drink ; the old Baw replyed she would send for some , though she had it not in the house : this was to be sure of our Moneys . Herein I observee their temperance , not suffering us to have too much measure , Wenches we had plentifully , one more especially I took notice of , to have the Swarthiest skin I have seen English born on whom an ordinary fellow was very sweet . When I saw my opportunity , I askt him , ( craving his excuse ) What Trade he was ? Pat as I would have it , he answered me . That he was a ●…er . I concluded so , Sir , ( said I ) by your dressing of that Calves skin there . This Dull-headed fool apprehended me not , but began to be angry , telling me , His Trade was a good Trade and I need not undervalue it : I told him , I did not , since there was some analogy between my Trade and his Why what trade are you ? ( said he , ) ( I may ask you a question as well as you me . ) I replyed , That I was Cuckold-maker . How can that be like my Profession ? quoth he . In this , said I , You dress the Skins , and I trim the Horns . The Bawd at this fell into such an extream fit of laughter , that down fell her Pipe , and up came the Strong-Waters that she had swallowed ; that was not all , but having not her retentive faculty , she let flie : surely she was overcharged , which made her recoyl , and so blew out her breech-pin . She was forced to leave us , and about an hour after returned : how sweet I cannot tell you . We fell into discourse again : I askt her , How long she had liv'd in this house ? Two years ( said she ) a longer time than any house I have lived in this twenty years : with that I concluded she was in fee with the Justices Clerk. My stomach being waterish , I would needs have some Eggs and Bacon : but Lord , what an Agony the hearing thereof put the Bawd in ! desiring me to desist , for she should die at the sight of them . I askt her the reason : O , said she , it puts me in mind of one Shrove-tuesday especially , on which the Apprentices pulled down my house ; and sick , sick as I was , pulled me away violently from a Caudle I had prepared to comfort me : But they gave me one with a Pox to them , and the Devils Dam take the rotten Eggs in it , with which I thought they would have pelted out my brains , after they had dragged me sufficiently , and worried me ( as a Mastiff would a Cat ) till they were weary of the sport , fearing I should catch cold , they out of pity covered me warm in a Bogg-house . But the worst was , after this kinde usage , I was to go through a long street before I could come to an acquaintanee of mine wherein I could safely secure my self from the out-rage of these Hell-hounds . All along as I went , a thousand Dogs barks at me , the street was filled with people looking and laughing at my sad disaster , but none daring to come near me . They say I left so strong a scent behind me , that several of the Inhabitants lift their dwellings upon it , and that the strong savour remained in that place above six days . I seemed to pitty her much , promising to visit her often ; and so we left her . CHAP. XIII . What a Trick he served his Comrade ; how himself was Trapan'd ; his own Cloaths taken from him ; the Band out of pretended pity , invested him with an old peticoat and wastcoat ; his admittance into a Boarding-School ; his getting many of the Gentlewomen with Childe ; his discovery , and his flight . FRom one bawdy house to another , was our dayly Travel , still finding out some variety that might please us . About the twylight , coming along by the well built house , I saw a Gentlewoman richly Attired standing at the door , who , as I passed by , very civily saluted me , and so withdrew her self ; I followed her in , as very well understanding how to interpret such actions . She brought us into a spacious inner-room , and then with much civility and good carrage , invited us to sit down . She called to her servant to bring some bottles of Wine , resolving to make us pay dearly for her extraordinary Favours . By our habits she took us for no less than persons of Quality ; for we had gallantly accoutred our selves ; and I thought that Fortune now had designed me her chiefest Favorite , in throwing this unexpected blessing upon me . She caused her Lute to be brought her , to which she sung so harmonical , that the Musick of the Spheres are no more to be compared to it , than a Scotch Bagpipe to an Organ . This so intoxicated my Comerade , with the Wine together ( not but that they had a great operation on my self ) that he fell fast asleep , ( alias dread drunk . ) Glad I was to my very heart of this accident , fearing he might be a Rival in my intention : and to the intent I might remove all Remora's or Impediments that might hinder my sole enjoyment of this Lady , I consulted with my self what to do with him ; I was not long about it , but streight found out this cunning Plot , which was to send him home to his Master . Love to a Woman is so forceable , that what will it not do ? To sum up all , make a man betray his Friend . I made my Apology to the Gentlewoman for his incivility , and requested the favor to have her servant procure me a Porter ; whilest she was gone to execute my desires , I searcht his Pockets , and took away all his Gold ; for we had converted all our money into that Mettal , which we always made our vade mecum . To ingratiate my self with this Gentlewoman , I acquainted her with my design , which she heartily laughed at . I farther desired of her , that I might have a Card and a piece of Paper . On the Card I wrote a Superscription , and pinned it on his back , directing the thing to his Master , living in such a place ; with the Paper , I wrote a Letter to him to this effect . Sir , Lately I found your Goose upon the way , I took him up , as one that went astray . To recompence my pains , I pull'd his feathers , Such precious doun will warm me in all weathers . His flesh I love not ; it belongs to you : The gibblets though I keep , and so adieu . I gave the Porter instructions , that he should but just put him within the doors and leave the Letter , and so with all speed to come away to prevent examination ; he brought me word he had performed my order : what descants were made hereon , I shall leave the Reader to imagine . By this time I had gained my mistress with a shower of Gold , which had so far prevailed on her , that she protested she was wholly and solely at my devotion . I would have had her to have gone immediately to bed ; but she told me , There would be time enough before morning to sport in , and that we should be both tired , if we went to bed so soon . Wherefore to divert our selves , we drunk and sung together in parts , I my self having indifferent good judgment . Having spun out the time so long till it was time to go to bed , she then conducted me to the Chamber where she intended we should lie . Though she made what haste she could to undress her self , yet me thought she was purposely tedious . I commended before her Vocal and Instrumental Musick , but then I esteemed no other Musick sweeter than what the tag made against her Bodice when she was unlacing her self . About two a clock in the morning , three fellows rushed into our Room , at which I awaked , but made as little noise as a Perdue . My mistress leaping out of the Bed , they seized on her , gagged and bound her ; and then opening the two leaves of the Window that was the entrance into the Belcony , they came in all haste to the Bed , and in a trice , had rowled up the Bed so close , that they had like to have stiffled me in the middle on 't , though they dragged me in the Bed from off the Bedsteed , rudely letting me fall on the ground , yet I felt no harm , every part of me was so well guarded , that in that condition , I might have bid defiance to a Canon Bullet . But when I heard them talk of flinging the Bed over the Belcony to their Companions , I thought I should have died instantly for fear , knowing I must of necessity go with it . Whereupon I cryed out as loud as could , and strugling , I got a little place open and then I roar'd like Phalaris his Bull. They seeming to be surprized with my unexpected noise , fled , fastning a Rope to the Belcony , and so slid down into the street . Perceiving they were all gone , I groped about the Room ( for it was very dark ) speaking very lowly , Where are you Madam ? repeating it often ; but much wondred I could not hear her answer me . As I was feeling round the Room , stretching forth my hands , I chanced to run one of my hands against her , and one of my fingers into her mouth ; I thought my finger had strayed at first mistaken the place , but searching farther , I found teeth , I knew then where about I was , and discovered withal , a stick in her mouth , keeping it wide open , as Butchers do their Sheep with a Gambrel , But having removed this obstacle of her speech , she begged me to untie her hands , which having done , she her self untied her feet ; and with that she would have clasped me in her arms , but I hung an arse , being sensible of the stinking condition that the fear had put me in . She was very inquisitive after my welfare , asking me again and again , Whether I had received any harm from the Rogues , I told her no : Nay , then I care not for my own sufferings , or what loss I have sustained by them , said she , and so speedily went for a candle . As I was thinking to Apogiloze for my nastiness , up she came with a light , viewing me , and perceiving what a condition I was in , she kept at a distance ; Sir , said she , my fancy 〈◊〉 gests to me , that you now resemble Nebuchadnezzar when Metamorphozed into a beast , and lying in his own dung ; when you shall have reassumed you humanity , I shall presume to approach nearer to you . I made my Sirreverence to her , wishing they had gagged her breech too so wide , that her guts might have a passage through her posteriors . For I plainly perceived , notwithstanding all her specious pretences , she was the foundress of this Plot. Well , she caused water to be brought up , with which I clensed my self , and because my shirt had too strong a sent of Stercus humanum , she lent me a Smock , which presaged ere long I should ware Coats too . Having shifted my self , I looked for my Cloaths , but there was a Non est inventus out against them , all my search could afford me not the least comfort : my Mistress seemed much disturbed at my loss , but when I told her I had lost such a considerable quantity of Gold , her sorrow seemed to be redoubled , and I am sure her inward joy was increased . She comforted me with a great many friendly loving expressions , desiring me to be patient , and indeed necessity forced me to it . I asked her advice what I should do in this naked condition , There is no remedy , ( she replyed ) you must be content to cloath your self in Womans apparel , as for mans I have none to furnish you withal . I consented to it , and presently she drest me up in one of her Gowns , with all the appurtenances thereunto belonging . The slenderness of my body , whiteness of skin , beauty , and smoothness of face ( having no hairs thereon ) added a suitableness to my gath . I must ingeniously confess , when I consulted with a Looking-glass , I thought the transmutation of Sexes had been verified in me ; but when I walked , I found something pendulous , which easily perswaded me to the contrary belief of my self . I thought it folly to tax her for my misfortune , knowing how little it would advantage me . The time was come I was to take my leave of her , going to salute her , I committed a foul mistake , indeavouring to pull off my hood in stead of my hat , and making a Leg ( as the vulgar term is ) in stead of a Curchy ; but the advising me to rectifie that mistake for the time to come , we bid each other adieu . In this disguize I traversed , the streets , it being almost impossible for any to discover me , my voice being so effeminate , that I was confident that would never betray me . As I walkt , I consulted with Reason , what was most expedient . My invention ( as at all times ) was now ready to assist me ; and thus it was . Finding a Bill on a door , I knocked , desiring to see what Lodgings they had ; I was very civily intreated to come in , and was shown several Rooms with much respect , for my female habit was very gallant , and so it had need , for it cost me dearer than so much ●…loath of Gold. I pitch'd at last upon a Chamber extraordinary well furnished , I never scrupled the pace , ( because they should look on me as a person of Quality ) but agreed to my Landlords own terms . I told him I was lately come out of the Countrey , and that my Trunks were not yet arriv'd , with a great many more fictions to prevent suspition . At first I intended to take for no longer time , than I could contrive a way to dispose of my self , and procure mans Apparrel ; but perceiving how agreeable my Feature , Stature and Gesture were to my Female Weeds , I resolved to trie some projects in them . There was a young Gentleman that lay in the house , and took special notice of me as soon as I entered it , and as he told me next day , was overjoyed that I had determined to be a Lodger there . This young Bravo ( which had more money than wit ) had prepared a Banquet for me , and requested the favour of me , that it and himself might be received into my chamber , I alleadged I could not do it in point of honour , and therefore desired to be excused ; but he prest me so far ( getting also his Landlady to intercede for him , that at last ( though with much seeming unwillingness ) I condescended thereunto . Very merry they were , but I thought it prudence to be reserv'd . My Amorist so gazed on me , that I thought he would have devoured me with his eyes , kissing me sometimes , which had lik'd to have made me disgorge my stomack in his face . For in my opinion , is it very unnatural , nay loathsome , for one man to kiss another , though of late too too customary I know it is ; yet I look on such as use it , inclining to Sodomy , and have had the unhappiness to be acquainted with several , who using that unnatural action , found it onely the Procludium to a more beastly intention . In three dayes time we grew so intimately acquainted , that at last he became impudent . One time as I past by him , he catch'd at me , endeavouring to intrude his hand where he had no interest , but he did it so rudely , that I verily thought he had spoiled me ; I believe he imagined that he had caught me by the busk , which some Ladies wear very long to hide their rising bellies . I showed my self much displeased at him for so doing , expressing my resentment in imbittered words for so great a Crime . Next morning , he courted me to a Reconciliation with a Gold Watch , by that he should have been well skilled in gaining female affections ; for there is nothing prevails on them more than presents ; and nothing gains sooner over them a total conquest , than the hopes of enjoying a fair promising Fortune . With much importunity I accepted his Peace-offering , conditionally , that he should never attempt the like offence . Nothing troubled me more , theen how to dress my self when my cloaths were off . I durst not lay two things together , for fear I should mistake , there were so many baubles , I wished for a Pen and Ink , to write on them what places they properly belonged to . Viewing them on the Table together , they represented to my thoughts Babel , or a greater confusion , and nothing but a miracle could produce Order out of them . I had so improv'd my self by hourlypractice , when none was with me , and observation of others , that I had now the knack on 't . I new modelled my steps , my former being too large by three quarters ; I could advantagiously cast my eye , set my face in a plat-form , and dissect my words ; my feet were my only Traytors , and therefore I alwayes kept them close Prisoners , for their greatness ( like the Devils cloven-foot ) proclaimed me the contrary Sex I imitated . Well , I thought it high time to be gone , not without plucking my Widgeon . Having a fit opportunity , there being none present but himself and I , I pretended disappointment of mony , and that my Rents were not yet due , and therefore desired him to lend me 10 l. for eight days ; at the termination of which time , I should not fail to return it him with gratitude . He was much joy'd , that I would favour him so far , as to accept his service ; and with that flew like Lightning , fearing he would have fractured his Leg-bone for haste to bring me the money , which I received from him thankfully . I caused a Coach to be call'd , pretending I had business into the City . My Cully would have waited on me , which I utterly refused , telling him without privacy my affairs would prove ineffectual ; whereupon he desisted . Coming into Burchin-Lane , I went to a Salesman , and bought ( pretendedly for my Maid ) an ordinary yet handsome Peticoat and Westcoat , furnishing my self with all the Appurtenances requisite for a Servant maid . In stead of returning to my Lodging , I caused the Coachman to drive me to one of the principal Nurseries of Venus Whetstones Park . For I lookt upon it as a matter of small import , to take my leave either of my young Gallant at home , or my Landlord , since I had not left the least Mortgage behind me for sleeping . Mother Cunny ( to tell the truth ) was the Nick-name of that Corpulent Matron , that with much demonstrations of joy , received me into her house ; neither could she forbear expressing her great satisfaction , in that her civil and honest deportment was so generlly taken notice of , as that it should be an inducement to strangers , to shelter themselves under her Tutelage , preferring her as a Guardian or Tutress , before so many throughly tried , and long experienced antient Gentlewomen , both in City and Suburbs . She highly applauded both the Features and Complexion of my Face , not forgeting the right colour of my Hair , which was flaxen ; the Stature of my Person infinitely pleased her , which was somewhat of the tallest : In short , nothing disliked her , but that she said I lookt as if I had a greater mind to beat , than buss ; and to fight than delight my Amoretes with smiling insinuations . I had not been long in her house , before a roaring Damme entred the house , ( a constant visitant ) who meeting with my Guardian , was informed that there was a rich treasure discover'd in her house and that none should attempt to spring the Mine , til he had made entrance by the first stroak . In short he was brought into the Chamber where I was , who at first behaved himself indifferently civil , and treated me nobly : But ô Heavens ! how great was my confusion and destraction , when strength of Arguments and force of hands , would not repel the fury of his lust , and that nothing would serve his turn , but lying with me . I defended my self manfully a long time , but seeing it was impossible to hold out any longer , and that I must be discovered , the next assault he made , forced me to cry out , this so alarumed my Gentleman ( concluding this out cry proceeded not from modest and chastity , but out of some trapanning design ) that he drew his sword , & made toward the Stair-case , and running down with more 〈◊〉 than good speed , overturned my kind Gover●… ( that was puffing up the stairs to my relief ) & so both tumbled down together ; fear had so dispossest this huffling fellow of his senses , that he mistook my old Matron for the Brava , he thought did usually attend me , and so without once looking behind him , made his escape into the street , leaving the piece of Antiquity not so much defaced by time , as by this dismal accident so near extinguishing , that she was half undone in the vast expence of her strong waters , to bring her tongue to one single motion . Coming to her self , you may imagine how I was treated by her ; but to be brief , I told her I could not brook such a course of life , wherein all injoyments were attended by ruine and destruction , although habited and cloathed in the seeming ornaments of real pleasure ; adding moreover , that I would speedily leave her house , investing my self with a meaner garb , bestowing those I wore on her in part of satisfaction for what she suffered through my means . This proposition so well pleased her , that I had free liberty to do as I thought most convenient herein . Exchanging my fine Madamship for plain Joanship , my equipage being suitable for service , I resolved to apply my self to a Boarding School , and the rather having observed it to be more thronged with Beauties , than any other . My address proved as succesful as I could desire , for instantly upon my motion , I was received in as a Menial of the house . But when I came to use the Tools of the Kitchin , I handled them so scurvely , it made those teething Giglets my fellow servants , even split with laughter . To add to my misfortune , those Varlets one time when we had some meat to roaft , on purpose got out of the way for a while , to see how I could behave my self , and then I did spit the meat so monstrously strange , that coming into the Kitchin , they could not tell at first fight what those joynts were called at fire . My actions had proclaimed my ignorance in all Domestick Affairs , so that my Mistress could not but take notice of me ; the result was , that I was altogether unfit for her service , and that she could do no less than discharge me . Fearing that my design was now frustrated , and my fair hopes of delight annihilated , could not contain my tears from bedewing my face . My blubberd eyes wrought so powerfully with my Mistress , that I judged it now the fittest time in broken Accents to molli●…e her anger , and still reserve my place in her service . Whereupon I told her a great many formal and plausible lies , well methodized ; that I had all my life time lived in an obscure Village , amongst rude and ill-bred people , and therefore knew nothing , that it was my desire to learn , not so much valuing wages as experience , and it was for that intent , I had tendred my service . The good old Gentlewoman being much pleased with my freedom , presently ordered the maids that without their grinning and gigleting , they should shew me any thing I understood not . By diligent observing , I gained shortly an indifferent knowledge : Though I lay with one of my fellow servants every night , yet I judged it no prudence to discover to her my Sex ( though much against the hair ) ill I had by external kindnesses indeared her to me . I went through my business pretty handily , giving a general satisfaction , gaining dayly an interest upon the loves of the young Gentlewomen . O the fine inexpressible petulances that dayly , nay , hourly past between me and some or other of them ; and so crafty I was grown that I perfectly did counterfeit a modest maiden . Sometimes we would retire three or four of us into a private corner , yet not so obscure but that we intended to be seen by some man or other we had afore discovered ; and then as if affrighted by an unexpected surprize . Squeck out , and the with strange haste endeavour to hide our pretended shamefacedness . Thusconcurring and suiting my self to their humours , I had all the freedome I could desire . And now thought it high time to handle the matter for which I came about ; for indeed flesh and blood could hold out no longer . One night I perceived my Bedfellow could not in the leaft close her eyes , continually fighing and tumbling too and fro , sometimes laying hex leg over me , and at other times hugging me within her arms , as if I had been in a press . At first I thought this Commotion or perturbation proceded from Sympathy , as questionless in part it did ; for I found experimentally by my self that my heart did beat as if it would have forced its passage through my breast . I thought I could do no less then ask the cause why she was thus restles , At first , sighs were her onely answers , till at last ( I pressing her much ) Poor thing she melted into tears . As soon as her eyes had given over deluging , and that her heart would give her leave to speak ; Jone ( said she , ( for so I called my self if thou wilt keep my secrets , I will tell thee my whole heart . Having promised to do that , whereupon she began thus to related her story . Our Coachman for several years hath shown me more then common respect , and indeed though I have concealed that affection I ever bore him , yet I could not but now and then give him slight occasions of hope : as the months wherein we lived together added to our age , so did it add true life and vigour to our loves which increased so much and fast , that I could hide mine no longer . But herein consists my misery that our affections aim at different ends ; I fain would marry him ; he is onely for present enjoyment , and finding me obstinate and not in the least yeilding to his amorous solicitations , begins to slight me , and toys with such before my face , that I know will surrender their Maiden-forts upon the first Summons . Now Dear Joan , let me tell thee , I can hold out no longer but am resolved to give him all the opportunity of privacy I can invent , upon the least motion offered , I will entertain it . I disswaded her from this rash resolution with as much reason as I could utter ; inculcating the danger of being gotten with child , with all its aggravations : that having obtained his ends , his love would be converted into loathing , and he having rejected her as his object , none that knew her would choose her as an object that may make an honest wife ; for who would marry a whore but to entail the Pox on his progeny . What ever I alleadged , she valued not . Seeing she was full bent , I thought this the critical hour to discover my self to her . Come , come ( said I ) I with quickly put you out of conceit with John , and cure this love that so much troubles you ; and so I did , after which I enjoyned her silence ; which I thought she would have done , for her own interest sake ; which she did for a while . I came at length to be very much beloved in general . It was the custome almost every night for the young Gentlewomen to run skittishly up and down into one anothers Chambers ; and I was so pestered with them , that they would not let me sleep . But I had an excellent Guardian in bed with me , that would not let any of them come in to us , resolving to monopolize me to her self . It was good sport to observe how this Maid always followed me as my shadow , and whatever I was doing , she would have a hand in it with me . What an endless work we made in making the beds ! Our Mistress saw her work very much neglected , laying all the blame upon my bedfellow ; and indeed not without cause : for her mind was so employed about thinking on night , that she did little all day ; which my Mistress perceiving , turned her away ; which was no small joy to me , if for no other consideration than her extream fondness , which I knew would betray us both in the end . After the departure of my Bedfellow , the young Ladies pittying my loneness in the night , redrest that solitude by their welcome presence . The first that came had like to have spoiled all by her squeaking , but some of her Associates running to know what was the matter , she readily told them she thought there was a Mouse in the bed : thus satisfied , they departed , and I enjoyned her as I did the other , silence : but alas ! all Injunctions on Women to keep a secret , are but as so many perswasions to divulge it . Notwithstanding I had so enjoyned her secrecy , yet she made it known to some that she entertained a peculiar respect for , intending they should participate with her in what she enjoyed . This discovery did put me to an extream hard task , I should never have undergone it , had not variety of such sweet smelling Rose buds encouraged me . Thus frequently each night did I repeat , My uncontrouled passions , and for heat , And active liveliness , I thought that none Could stand with me in competition . T was then forgetful wretch , that I a kiss Did oft preferr before a greater bliss . What did I care my carnal joys did swell So slighted Heaven , and ne're feared Hell , But let me henoeforth learn to slight those toys And set my heart upon Celestial joys . In the very height of these my jollities , I cou'd not forbear thinking sometimes on my eternal condition , but custome and opportunity had so absolutely inslaved me , that good thoughts which were but seldom , wrought little good effects upon me . But if my souls welfare would not deter me from these soul and wicked acts , yet love to my present mortall condition , compelled me for a while to desist , and by flying those embraces I lately so hotly pursued , shun those complicated mischiefs which were appropinquant , the undeniable effects of my immoderate and distractive wantonness . My approaching danger was too too visible , for I observed that some of the Gentlewomen began to find strange alterations in their body , with frequent qual●… coming over their stomacks , which made me sick to be gone , and in this manner I did plot my escape . My Mistriss having a Son much about my stature , and one time finding a fit opportunity , I got a suit of cloaths of his , with other perquisits which I put on , reassuming my proper shape and habit , and so with flying colours marched off , insulting over the conquest of so many maiden-heads , leaving the quondam possessors thereof to deplore their ensuing misery , and condemn their own rash folly . CHAP. XIV . What a Trick he served a young man of his Acquaintance , whom he met withal accidentally ; how he was pinched with hunger , and what wayes he invented to kill it . I Made all the speed I could to London , knowing the largeness of that Vast City , would afford conveniency for my concealment . But then my cloaths much troubled me , knowing nothing would betray me sooner than they . Whilst I was studying all imaginable wayes for my preservation , such an opportunity presented it self that therein it was plainly seen the Fates had decreed of old to favour my enterprizes . As I said , walking the streets and ruminating what was best to be done , I met with a young man of my acquaintance , who seeing me , ran and caught me in his Arms , and with very much joy we congratulated each other , and so as it is usual when Friends meet , we must drink together . Over our cups ; I began to inquire after his condition ; He shook his head , and so related to me a sad story , which in effect was to this purpose in his own words . Dearest Friend , since last I saw you , never was young man so unfortunate as my self , the cause thereof I can impute to nothing more than self conceit , and over much credulity which by the sequel you will plainly understand . For perceiving that my Mistress shewing me more then a common respect , I concluded that she had entertained some private favour for me within her breast , so that I began to be puft up with conceit ; neglecting my duty , and now desposing the Chamber-maid , who was before the only Saint I made nightly my oraizons to ; withall , I carried my self so imperiously , that my Master was not very well assured whether he durst command or no. My Mistress would sometimes heartily laugh , to see how ridiculous I carryed my self , which I looked upon as a singular favour , mistaking her smiles for tokens of her love . When they were no other than the apparent Symptomes of her derision . Observing how affable and pleasing she was , I never considered the generality of it , so that my self flattering-noddle supposed this carriage particular to me , and thereupon interpreted this her complacencie strong affection , and by reason she was frequently merry and jocose ; I eoncluded her salacious or Lecherous . Thus by the false lights of misconstruction and easie belief , I was led into Loves Laborynth ; My Masters affairs was less regarded than my Mistress supposed affection . In fine , I judged it absoleutly necessary to make her acquainted with my Amorous Passion , and no expedient better than by Letter . My Mistress ( as it is customary with Citizens Wives , to light the candle of their husbands estates at both ends ) had her Country-house , to which I was sent by my Master , with some bottles of Wine , preparatory for a Feast intended for the accommodation of some special Friend : arriving , I found my Mistress had sent her maid to London about some business , at which I bless'd propitious stars , to direct me thither in such a foriunate and most desired hour . After I had delivered my Message , I began to talk very familiar with my Mistress , she with a smiling countenance , ask'd ne , What I meant ? not in the least checking my presumption , which made me more arrogant and bold ; telling her , I was her eternally devoted Servant ; she answered me . I was bound to be her Servant for a time , and that I must , when commanded obey her pleasure : to which last word , I added in my thoughts the Epithite Venereal , supposing she meant not to have left it out ; with that I replyed , Mistress , I should not deem my self worthy to be your Servant , if my resolution had not ingaged me to be so perpetually ; as for my affection , it shall dayly anticipate your desires ; you shall not need to lay your commands on me , since my thoughts shall be solely imployed in contriving wayes how we may injoy eath other , to the mutual satisfaction of us both . At which words , she fell into an excess of laughter , ( which I judged the effects of joy ) and then asked me , Whither I was Mad ? I answered , No ; unless too much love had made me so ; Dearest Mistress , read but this Paper , and I hope that will better inform you . Here he stopt , pulling out of his pocket a copy thereof , which was to my best remembrance to this purpose . Dearest Mistress , FRequently revolving in my thoughts , the condition I now am in , Despair stands ready to seize me ; but the consideration and knowledge of your commiserating Nature , draws me out of its ruinating Jaws . When I reflect again on the disparity of our Fortunes , and that it is your Indentured Vassal that thus prostrates his affection at your feet , I fear one blast of your just Indignation will suddainly shiprack all my hopes . I confess my error is overmuch confidence , for which I may expect ruine , which commonly attends rash Attempts ; especially daring to sail in the narrow Seas , without any other Pilot than blind Love , and if I should arrive at my desired Port , I cannot deliver my Goods without stealing Custome . But waving all difficulties of this nature , consider that Love must needs be quintessential , that is not drawn from any other interest than reciprocal enjoyment ; and it must needs be exceeding strong and eminent too , that will force its way through the greatest hazards . Signifie my Pardon by one gracious smile , for what I have so boldly ( yet forceably ) discovered , and I shall esteem my condition little inferior to what is Celestial ; which is no happiness to me without the auspitious beams of your favour shine on me . And so subscribe my self according as your sentence shall be , either the Most happy , or most miserable . The Verses that were annext to the Letter , he told me , he got a Rimer to compose for him which afterwards he found stoln out of several Authors ; a line out of one , and a half out of another , and so with the course thred of his brain botch'd together ; which were these : Cupid did wound my heart ; I hid the grief Long time , but durst not seek for your relief ; I found the smart increased on that score , For wounds , if not well search'd , but rankle more , O cure me quickly then , or else I die ; Deny not , since there 's none but you and I. I withdrew as soon as I had delivered my Paper , giving her leave to read in private , what my Love had dictated . About a quarter of an hour after she called me to her , assuring me in a day or two , I should receive an answer to the purpose ; and so absconding her displeasure , she sent me with all expedition home again . After the expiration of three dayes , she came home to her City-house : at night she pretended some indisposition of body , and desired to lie by her self ; which hearing , I thought my joy would prove a Traytor to my supposed happiness ; she takes an occasion to tell me , About twelve at night I might come to her Bed-chamber , the door whereof she would leave open for me on purpose . In the mean time , she showed my Master the Letter , acquainting him with the whole business . According to the time appointed , I entered the Chamber in my shirt ; approaching the Bed , I began to pour out my Amorous Expressions ; and as I had one leg upon the Bed-side , ready to enter the Bed , where I thought my Mistress had attended my pleasure , I thought the devil had waited on my Posteriors , correcting mesor not making more haste . The first lash was seconded with three or four more in an instant , which made me caper up and down so nimbly about the room , that for my life I could not find the door , at last I did , speed was now the onely Guardian I had lest , and so without pausing long upon it , I made but one step of the first pair of Stairs from top to the bottom , which had liked to have lamed me ; before I could recover my self my Master was with me again , which put fresh expedition into me , and so starting up ; I leapt down half the next pair , & tumbled down the rest . By this time he had lost the cord of his Whip , and fearing lest he might spoil me with the stick , defisted , bidding me go to bed , lest I should catch cold after so great a heat , and so with two or three parting blows I got into my chamber , where I fell into a deep consulration with my self , the result of it was this ; I took my curtains and sheets , and tied them together ; and then fastned one end thereof to the Window ; after this I went our of the Window , and so slid , by that time I was within an half story of the ground , the knot of one of the Curtains slipt , so that falling from that height , I thought that every bone in my body had been absolutely broken . Knowing it was no wayes safe to lie there and cry God help me , I raised my self as well as I could , but I had not walked far , before I found my self in no condition of going , wherefore I resolved to lie under the next Stall . As the Devil would have it , I found a Coblers Stall newly broke open that very night , never questioning the place , I crept in , and notwithstanding my bruise by the fall , and whipping besides , I fell fast asleep , so soundly , that I awaked not , till I was forced to it with an horse pox . For the Cobler coming to work early in the morning ( according to his custome ) sound his door broken open , with that , he made an hideous noise , crying out , He was undone ; for the day before he had laid out three shillings four pence , which was all his stock in Leather ; all which was stoln , with many old shooes , nay his very working implements ; doubtless it was done by one of his own Fraternity , that had informed himself of his late great purchase . The Cobler entring his Stall , found me in one corner fast asleep . He took no other course to awake me , than dragging me by the heels out of my Den , into the Street , crying out , That he had got one of the Rogues , and without any more adoe , sell upon me busseting me with his fist , and treading me underneath his feet , making himself both my Judge and Executioner : Thus you see one mischief attends the others heels . I begged him in a pittiful manner to let me alone , and I would confess to him all I knew , desiring him to go with me to the next Ale-house , which accordingly we did . I vowed to him I was no ways accessary to his wrong , informing him as much as I thought convenient of my sufferings , shewing him what a wosul plight I was in ; relating , it was my Masters cruelty that was the cause of all this , and no other fault of mine , then staying the last night out a little too long . The Cobler seemed to commiferate my misery , asking me forgiveness for what he had done , and so we parted . Since by the kindness of a good natured Widow ( where I he ) I have recovered my hurts and strength , and now am overjoyed we should so happily meet . After this we drank very smartly , but , I forgot not all this while my design on him . After that I had pitied him , and lamented his sad misfortune , I thought it high time to put my Plot in execution , in order thereunto I demanded what difference he would take between my Hat and his , his Cloak and mine , there being small matter of advantage in the exchange , we agreed to go to handicap . In fine , There was not any thing about us of waring cloaths but we interchanged , scarce had I un-cased my self , and put on my Friends cloaths , but in came one that had dogged me , attended by the Constable , with a Warrant to seize me , who they knew by no other token but my Boarding-Mistresses Sons garments , I had stolen for my escape . They forthwith laid hold on my Companion , ( finding them on him ) telling him , He should severely suffer for the wrong he did his Mistress , in the abuse of her house . Full of horror and amazement , he beseeched them not to carry him before his Mistress , knowing how much he had offended her , she would have no mercy on him ; this confirmed their belief , that they had found out the Offender . The more he intreated , the more deaf and inexorable were they ; and whilst they were busied about their mistaken Criminal-Prisoner , I took an occasion to give them the slip , knowing that a little further discourse would rectifie their Error ; what they did with him I know not , neither durst I be so inquisitive to understand : wherefore , leaving him to the mercy of such , as would shew but little to him , I shall proceed forwards in my own story . My stock was now very small ; how to increase it , I knew not . My invention was daily on the Rack , to find out expedient wayes to supply my necessary expence . But my money being all spent , my belly began to grumble out insufferable complaints against me , seeming to charge me with want of ingenuity & industry , since I injoyed my liberty ; for want that man cannot , which wants not them . Alas , what should I do ? I used what means I could , having no better experience . There was not a Billiard-Table , Boards-End , and Nine-Pin-yard , that I did not daily visit , frequenting such as had the greatest resort : in a short time I learned the art of Spunging so perfectly , that I had the Title of Spung-Master General conferred upon me . In those places I learned to take Tobacco which was the chiefest part of my food ; living in a manner by Smoak , as the Camelion by Air. I fed so lightly , that I durst not stir abroad in a high wind ; neither durst I fight lest one single stroak should have harzarded my dissolution , continual drinking , had so washed me , that my body was transparent , you might have seen within me ( without dissection ) the motion of the heart ; you could have observed but little as to my liver , it long since had lost its use in the conveyance of the blood , for my stomack had nothing therein contained to supply it , like an Inns-a Court Kitchin out of Term-time . In short , I appeared like a walking Skeleton , I had several suggestions within me to proffer my self again to my Master ; but the shame to be seen in that condition , deterred me ; wherefore , I resolved to weather it out a little longer , and try whether Fortune would once more be favourable to me . My cloaths were indifferent good which could not but procure me credit , if I would make experiment . By means whereof I had gotten an handsome lodging chamber . It was a publick house of entertainment , so that have I thought I should have meat , drink & lodging for chalk , and chalk for nothing . I called freely for what was in the house , which was readily brought me ; but when the servants beheld with what cele-●…ity , ( Hocus like ) and cleanly conveyance , I had disposed of what was before me , they verily believed in one week , I would cause a dearth in the house if I said , wherefore , one of the servants acquainted her Mistress with what she had observed , alleadging farther invectively against me , That I looked like one of those lean Beasts which have nothing given them to feed on , but vertuous and honest Women ; that she believed I was the Genius of some hunger-starved wretch , or a shaddow without a substance , ( which was very true as to my pocket . ) Which I thought it was time to go to bed ; I call'd for a candle not mattering whither I called for a Reckoning . But my Landlady did ; for said she , Sir , It is our custome to reckon with our Lodgers every night what they have that day , and once a week to discharge their lodging . In truth I did intend to have discharged my self of it before the week had been out . I knew not what at present to answer her , but I was seldom to seek in such cases . I desired her to be content for that night , on the morrow I would have my Trunks brought to her house ; making it my Quarters for some time ; and that she should find me a boon companion , drinking freely : I believe so , she said , you will be here for some time or may be you will make this your Refuge or Sanctuary for one night ; and then you say you will drink freely too , give me leave to tell you , you meant at free cost . Sir , give me my reckoning now , or you shall have no lodging here this night . Do you suspect me Landlady , said I ? Respect you , said she , ( mistaking the word ) for what grounds unless I knew you better ? and yet I doubt I shall know you too well . That 's a good one indeed , respect a skinfull of Bones ; a bag of Chessmen ; a bundle of small Faggot-sticks . Why , thou Haberdasher of small wares , dost thou think I will respect thee other ways than for thy moneys ; unless I should be so mad as to fall in love with Famine , Come give me my reckoning first , and I shall talk with you in another Dialect ; if not , I shall set my Currs at thee ( the Tapster and Hostler ) that shall worry thy gibb'd Catship . Hearing her say so , and thinking the passage had been clear , I betook my self to flight , but running throw the Entry , Iran my belly directly against the Tapsters leg , that lay over the bench on which he slept . Iran so siercely , that I shoved his head so violently against the board rais'd at the end of the bench , that I made his neck double ; the knock likewise had like to have turn'd that little brains he had within his head . As for my own part , I thought that his foot had run quite into my belly , and that pulling it out he had left his shooe behind . Before I could rise , I had three or four about me which I thought would have limbed me as boys falling out , do their cocks on Shrove-Tuesday . At that time I would have spared them one limb , provided that would have contented them . But there was no mercy to be had at their hands , especially the shrill note of their Mistresses perpetually moving Tongue , sounding a charge in their ears . Being tyred with me , they would be revenged of my cloaths . They would have stript me ( I think stark naked ) for my Reckoning , but that one said , Let his cloak suffice ; at which , another pulled so furiously at it , that miraculously , without renting that thin transparent garment , he got it all but the cape . In this condition I was brought before my new Landlady ; I asked her what was to pay ? Sirrah ( said she ) more then thou hast in thy pooket ; ( 2 s. 4 d. ) As well as I could speak , I demanded how it came to be so much . Why , ( said she ) there is for Beef 1 s. for Bread 4 d. six pipes of Tobacco , and three pots of Ale , all this thou hadst in less then half an hour . I would not contradict her , though I knew it was near an hour , I desired her to keep my Cloak for the reckoning , but durst not threaten her for her abuse . Being about Hay-making time , I walked out in to the Fields , resolving to spend that night in contemplation . I had now time to consider the damage I sustained in this skirmish : they had carried away all my Ribbands with their fingers , otherwise my cloaths received the least harm . My Nose resembled a black pudding before it is boyled , and my Eyes were fled into my head for fear of such melancholy meat . My cheeks were so puft up with swelling pride , that they were resolved to close up the portals of my Opticks , that they might not be eye witnesses of the height of their ambition . My ears were so maulled with their fleshy Hammers , that I heard a peal within my head for joy , I suppose that my eyes had taken up their residence with my brains . At last I felt something about my shoulders ; at first I thought it had been the weight of the blows , but feeling , found it a part of my friend that still hung about my neck , and would not leave me ; which put me in minde of that faithful Cloak that would never leave its Master , although his Master had attempted all ways imaginable to leave it . I must needs say , I loved my Cloak so well , as that it grieved me much to be compelled to part with it . It had been a servant to servants , ever since the setting up of the first billiard-table , whence it deriv'd its Pedegree . Being deprived of its imployment , and dispossest of its antient habitation , its heart strings were ready to break , and being not able to take a nap for grief , turned changling . The young man I had it of , told me , that from the fifteenth successively , it was descended to him ; but they were unworthy to him , that having had his best days , would turn him off in his extream old age . I have him so fresh in my memory , that I cannot but condole his loss . Cloak , if I may so call thee , though thou art Thus ravish'd from me , don't abruptly part . Thou didst not take distaste , a●…●…o art gon , Cause once I call'd thee a meer hauger on . 'T was but in jest ; for had I now my will , I 'de have thee for to hang about me still . Now I may tax thee justly , for I see That new th' art nothing else but levitie ; Nay when I had thee scarcely did I know , Sometimes whether I had thee on or no. Thou wert so thin , and light , that some have thought Thee made of that same web Arachne wrought , And say th' art useless now , unless men put Thee like a Cohweb to a finger cut . I love thee still for better and for worse ; He that divorc'd us let him have my ourse . Sure'twas a red Nos'd fellow , for I know , He coming near , it was but touch and go . But let him keep thee , for thou'lt useless be To him ; thick cloaths suits best with knavery . Day appearing I got me a stick out of a hedge , and so walked in Querpo into the City . I walked up and down , but met with none of my acquaintance on whom I might fasten on as a bur . Noon approaching , my belly began to Chime , I thought all the meat in East-cheap , would not lay that spirit hunger had raised within me . Coming by a bakers shop , I pretended to be ignorant of the City , and as I was asking him the way to such a place , not caring what . I happily secured a penny loaf ; which I carried off undiscovered ; I thought it not good to cumber my pocket with it , wherefore at two bits I gave it my belly to carry . Surely at that time I had an Ostriches stomack ; every thing I put into my mouth , passed through me like Quicksilver . Going a little farther , I came to an Ordinary , where I saw two sitting in a lower Room expecting their meat , I sate me down in the next little box to them . Immediately there was brought to them powdred Beef and Turnips ; the young man that served them , came to me , demanding what I would have , I bid him let me alone and not speak too loud , for those two which were next me , were my very good friends , and I would startle them by and by with my unexpected appearance , at which he left me . Finding my opportunity , I slipt my hands through a whole , in the form of an heart , which was in the partition that divided us , and laying hold on the Turnips , I spake aloud , you hoggs are ye at the Roots , I will make one one among you instantly , and so brought out my handful ; having devoured them in a trice , I presentted my self to their view , and sate down with them : Gentlemen , said I , excuse my frollick I am in a merry humour to day . They concluded what I said , to be a truth , and bad me welcome . Nay , said I , my meat will come instantly as a supply ; and so it had need , for we made a clear board immediately . Seeing this , they called the boy , taxing him for sloth , that he did not bring my meat . Sir , said he , the Gentleman did not order me to bring any ; at which they frownd , and began to charge me with incivillity . What are ye angry , said I ? To which they replied , Affirmatively : if so , I answered , ( laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale ) I value your anger no more than the drinking this Pot , which I swallowed at two gulps , and so bid them f●…rewel leaving them to call for another Ordinary . CHAP. XV. How he had like to have been transported , being taken up by a Kid-napper , vulgarly called a Spirit . HAving satisfied my stomach , I walked along with much more courage than before , which had been to little purpose , had I not had a stick in my hand : For there was hardly a dog in the street ( which I went through ) that gave me not his grinning Salutation , and would when my back was turned ( knowing else I would never have suffered their humility ) have kist my very heels , had not my stick prevented their Snearing Dogships mouths . I have wondred often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker , Pedlar , Tom-a-Bedlam , nay , any suspitious fellow , till I found it my self by experience , that by natural instinct , they know and hate the scent of a Rogue . My course of life appeared so idle ( by my lazy stalking and gaping this way and that , sometimes standing still and seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance ) that the Beadle took hold on me , telling me it was great pitty that such a lusty young man should want imployment , and therefore would help me to some : but understanding from him that it must be in Bridewell , my leggs failed me , shewing thereby how unwilling they were to be accessary to the punishment which would be insticted on my back : at length by pitiful looks and many intreaties , I got clear of him , but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit , or a Seducer of Persons to the Indies . Well may he be called a Spirit , since his nature is like the Devils , to seduce any he meets withal , whom he can perswade with allurements , and deluding falfities to his purpose . After he had asked me many impertinent questions , he invited me to drink with him ; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny , otherwise his motion would be acceptable to me . At which he cast up his eyes to heaven , and laying his hands on his breast , alas poor young man , said he , what pitty it is such a lusty fellow as thou art shouldst want money ; which argues thou art both destitute of friends , and an imployment also . Well , I 'le say no more for the present , but before we part I 'le study some way or other for thy advantage , which I shall do meetly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy condition , as also out of respect to thy Father , whom I am confident I have heretofore known , by the resemblance thou bearest him in thy Countenance . I could but smile to my self to hear how this Rascal dissembled ; not discovering my thoughts , I willingly went with him to drink , resolving to see what the event would be ; after he had paused a while , well , said he , I have found it . There is a Merchant an intimate friend of mine that wants a Store house-keeper ; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently , you shall find oncertainment form him , and 40 l. per annum for encouragement . I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer , and that I should refer my self to be disposed of , as he should think fit . With that he imbraced me , saying , within two days I should go aboard the Ship where the Merchant was , who would go along with me to Virginia ( where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay ) in the mean time , you shall go along with me to my house where you shall be , and shall recieve from me what your necessities require . I had heard before , how several had been served in this kind , so that being forewarned , I was fore armed , premonitus , premu●… He carried me away presently to Wapping , and housed me . To the intent he might oblige me to be his , he behaved himself extraordinary friendly , and that he might let me see that he made no distinction bdtween me , and his other friends , he brought me into a room where half a score were all taking tobacco the place was so narrow wherein they were , that they had no more space left , than what was for the standing of a small table . Methought their mouths together resembled a stack of Chimneys , which in a manner totally obscured by the smoak that came from them ; for there was little discernable but smoak , and the glowing coals of their pipes . Certainly the smell of this room would have out-done Assae Foetida , or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the Mother . As to the sight , the place resembled Hall , so did it likewise as to itsscent , compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and Tarpawlin . So that I concluded the resemblance most proper . In Hell damn'd souls , fire , smoak , and stink appear . Then this is Hell , for those four things were here . I was seated between two , lest I should give them the slip . After I had been there a while , the Cloud of their smoak was somewhat dissipated , so that I could discorn two more in my own condemnation : but alas poor sheep , they ne're considered where they were going , it was enough for them to be freed from a seven years Apprenticeship , under the Tyranny of a rigid Master ( as they judged it , coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too indulgent mother ) and not weighing ( as I know not how they should ) the slavery they must undergo for five years , amongst Brutes in foreign parts , little inferior to that which they suffer who are Gally-slaves . There was little discourse amongst them , but the pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for , ( out of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine ) and the temperature of the air , the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts , the little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in it , that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of punishment ; and then to sweeten us on farther , and they insisted on the pliant loving natures of the women there ; all which thy used as baits to catch us silly Gudgeons . As for my own part I said but little but what tended to the approbation of what they said . For all my aim ( as I related before ) was to understand the drift of this Rogue , and then endeavour to get what I could from him . By this time supper was talkt of by our Masters ; so choice they were in their dyet , that they could not agree what to have . At last one stands up and proclaiming silence , said , that a Dish of Bruiss was the most Princely dish of any . And to tell you truly , by his looks , I thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her mouth , of that Stomach murdring stuff , the grease running about her chops , which pleasing her fancy , struck so deep an impression in the imagination upon her conception , that the face of that thing she brought forth , lookt much like a Toast soaking in a Cooks Dripping-pan . That he might perswade the rest , this way to indugle his appetite , he added farther , that it was a Dish would not be expensive , and soon ready . My Landlady to back him on , said , she had some skimmings of the pot , which she had been collecting these three moneths , some whereof the questioned not but to procure , and let her alone to order it so , that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives . Another contradicting him , preferred a bowl of Pease pottage before the cheifest meat whatever , that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round , but that his heart leapt within him , and kept time with their motion . My master ( that was their Senior ) scorned to be controlled in his fancy ; and therefore positively determined to have some Poor John , swearing that the Great Mogul did eat nothing else thrice a week , and that Atabalipa ( that Indian King whom Cortex conquered ) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol , commanding them to be laid on an Altar made of some coals of fire , then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon , ( because they had no Butter ) and so presented to the Idol , afterwards to the King which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction . Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided . Though they did beat it most unmercifully , yet it would not yeild , resolving rather to be broken in peices , then to become unlike it's Masters , or shew any thing of a tendure nature . There was one al otted me for my proportion , which I used as they had done , laying it on the coals a little while , and so committing it to my teeths disposal . I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully bastled . They made several assaults upon it to little purpose . My teeth at length s●…aring a total conquest , desperately and inragedly seiz'd on the thinnest and weakest part and holding it as fast as a Vice , at last in the conflict overpowred one small steak , but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head , the hinder part thereof ( the feat of Memory ) flew so violently against the wall , that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing where I was , but the pain then I sustained by the knock : Strong-water they poured down my Throat to revive me , but there was nothing did sooner fetch me then a small fleak of the poor John , which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me , which caused a strugling ' and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature . Now did I really imagine my self at Sea , where , for want of provision , I was forced to feed on Cordage , or the Ship sides . Had this poor creature been ground small , I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it , as those Sea-men did the Saw-dust of deal boards coming from Norway , and destitute of other food . That night I slept but little , neither could I , had I swallowed Opium for that purpose , for the innumerable quantity of Buggs ( as some call them ) that had invaded my body ; being weary ( as I suppose ) of inhabiting any longer the dry mansion of that old rotten Bed-stead on which I lay . In the morning I found the ruins of a Looking glass in the window , which I took up to discover what knots or nodes those were I felt orespreading my face . The sigh : whereof struck into me a Pannick fear , verily believing I had been infected with the spotted leaver . I began to curse the bed and sheets , imagining the Contagion proceeded from them ; to be satisfied herein , I drew aside at the beds feet , the Curtain ( that is to say part of Tilt a ) pinned there to keep the wind off , which otherwise would have fanned us to death , coming in so furiously through the Port cullise of the window : ( for glass there was little ) At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead , since there was visibly before my Eyes , the black Cloath that covered my Herse . Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over night , I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on . It might have been a good Quaere , whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds , successively to sweat out their Contagious humours , and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies . My pretended friend perceiving my amazement , bid me be of good courage , for those marks in my face , were only occasioned by a stinking sort of Vermine , who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them , only giving their welcome to such as were New-comers . I took these sufferings as patiently as I could ; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them ; and it should not be long before I would take my farewell . We had scarce breakfasted , before a Messenger came into the room , and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend . I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served , and so it proved . My friend told me we must be gone instantly , for the Merchant attended my coming Wherefore we presently went down to the stairs to take Boat , by the way he told me , that he would go with me in the same Ship , and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son , whom I understood afterwards he had too sure , ●…bove a year since stoln away , and sold him as a slave . One while thought to have ran for it , another time I thought to have cryed out , a Spirit , a Spirit , but that the thought of the Water-men , being his Accomplices deterred me . I was at my wits end , not knowing what to do . Coming into the Boat , being now destitute of all relief , I asked him according to his former pretence , whether he resolved to go to se●… with me ? yes , replyed he . I question , Sir , ( said I ) whether you ever told a truth in your life , but I am resolved you shall now , and with that I flung my self with him over-board . Those which were in the Boat , immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat : But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned I overturned it upon me . The first thought this accident produced in me , was that a Whale had swallowed me , and that I was in the dark concave of his belly : or that Death had arrested me ; and claped me up a close prisoner for my sins , in Hell's deep and black Dungeon . But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men , eye witness of this passage , ( which had like to haved proved Tragieal ) the Boat was recovered , and I the first person taken up and set on shore . Multorum manibus grande levatur onns . Many hands make light work . I neer staid to see what was become of my good Friend , ( a Pox take him but with what speed I could , attended with a great number of little hooping Onlets ( I mean the young try of Scullars ) I secured my self from this Anthropopola , or Man seller : A charitable Woman seeing me in this pickle , ( for it was Salt water , which my Sous'd guts , may testifie if they please , in their grumbling manner of speaking ) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow . This was the greatest Cordial could be applied to this gross , without many Complements , I thanked her for her great love , Now because she saw what condition I was in , she immediately put me to bed CHAP , XXVI . How under the pretence of begging , he stole Cloak . and with that went to a Gaiming Ord●…nary ; what a bold Adventure he made there and the success thereof . PArting from this good Woman , I began to think that the Art of stealing might be reckoned amongst the liberal Sciences ; for though it may be called an Handicraft , yet it cannot be looked on as Mechanick . This is the Art , the right Practice whereof is the true Philosopher's stone , the Elix●… of life ; with which many turn Poyson into Medicine , coarse cloath into cloath of Gold , hunger into fulness and satiety , convert rags into Satins ; and all this done by a quick wit , and slight of hand . The Antiquity and Dignity of this Profession , I shall relate elsewhere , and shall proceed on in my Adventures . The Evening or Twi-light being come , I chanced to look in at a door , and perceiving none at hand I went in boldly , resolving if I met any to beg an Almes of them , having before premeditated what I had to say , viz , that I was a poor distressed young Gentleman , my Father , Mother , nay , all my Relations I knew , being dead , and that not knowing what to do , was forced ( under the Covert of the night ) to beseech the assistance of charitable minded persons . But in my way found none that should occasion my using this form . I found in the Parlor a good Camlet cloak , which I made bold to put on , and so very gravely walked out of the house ; but coming to the door , you must think there was Wild-fire in my breech , that hastned me out of the street . Being gotten a Bow shot off , I thought my self indifferent secure , so that I slackned my pace , but could not ( if my Life lay on it ) forbear looking this way , that way sometimes over one shoulder , sometimes over the other , thinking of what dangerous consequence this might prove ; I resolved to walk more confidently , and not let my eyes discover any thing of fear , by reason of guilt . This loose garment had so of a sudden Metamorphosed those thoughts I had of my self but a little before , my eye being continually on my Cloak , I could not conceit my self less then the best of the young Templers , that walk the Streets to show themselves : coming into Bell-yard , I observed several Gallants go into an House , and others to come out , which put me to the curiosity of enquiring , what , or whose House it was : Who told me it was a Gaming Ordinary ; nay , then ( thought I ) it is as free for me to enter as others and so went in , I looked on a while , but my fingers itched to be at it . Why , thought I , have I not adventured a Gaol , a Whipping , or an Hanging , and shall I now fear a kicking , a pumping , or a Bog-house . These considerations made me resolutely take up the Box , and I threw a Main , which was 7 , a great deal of money was presently set me , I knew it was but to little purpose to baulk them , so that confidently I threw at all , which I nicked with eleven , and so continued holding seven hands together . Perceiving I had got a considerable quantity of money , and fearing I might loose that which I had so boldly adventured for , I thanked my propitious Stars and the Gentlemen , who had rather lose their money than suspect any that hath the Garb of one well Extracted , and so bad them good night . A priviledge too many Sharking ubiquetarians use without interruption , being most commonly in fee with the Waiters and Boxskeepers , who will be sure to speak in the behalf of such confident Cheats , if they lose , pretending great knowledg of them , that they are men of repute , civil and responcible , which frequently so prevails upon a Mouth , that he hath not a word to say more , Questionless Ordinaries were first impartially founded , interdicting all play but which was upon the Square ; but since , by the connivance of the Box-keepers , when the Table grows thin , and few at it , let the stranger beware , for the Box-keeper shall walk off , pretending some speedy dispatch of a business concerning the House of Office &c. whilst your Antagonist shall put the change upon you , or make use of his own Jack in-a-box , and then had you 500 1. ( would you let like a Gam●…ster ) he will have it to a penny in a short while : with whom the Waiter goes snips . If at any time such they know want an High flyer &c. they know how , and when to supply him . Full fraught with this good fortune , and so laden I was ready to sink , I resolved to moor my Vessel in the next Harbour . The Landlord whence I came , was very loath to entertain me , his lodger having served him a scurvy trick the night before conveighing out of the Window the Furniture of a room that cost him 40 1. besides a great silver Tanker , which the Gentleman would have filled with stale beer and Sugar , to stand by his bed side all night pretending it was his custome . But I desiring him to lay up a parcel of money for me till the next morning , quite put out the eye of his Jealousie . I shewed my self that night very exceeding noble , concealing my success at play , that he might conclude the greatness of my expence , proceeded from the nobleness of my nature , having a good estate to back it . I was conducted to bed with many Ceremonies , and abundance of respect ; Sleep I could not , for thinking how to dispose of my self , I had experimented the various exigences and extremities an unsetled condition is accompanied withall , and knowing how securely I could purloin from my Master , if I would moderate my theft ; I concluded to supplicate my Master , by a Letter for my reception into his service not forgetting my Mistresses quondam kindnesses . If my Master should refuse to re entertain me , I had by me what might supply my necessities ; till I had re-considered how to improve my stock , or bestow my self . Not to delay time the next day I wrote him this Letter . SIR , HAving seriously considered the greatness of my folly in running from so good a Master , ( whom I may more rightly intitle Father ) with tears I beg mercy from Heaven , and forgiveness from you . Mitigate my offence by revolving in your mind the fewness of my years , which makes me ( as it doth most others ) prone to rambling fancies , look then favourably on my long absence from you , as a meer exiliency ; a youthful elapse , which maturity of age may rectifie . If you can forgive my follies , I will study to forget them , and daily endeavour the propagation of my fedility in the remainder of my time . By the Bearer hereof you may signifie your pleasure . Sir , I am Your cordially penitent Servant , &c. With much joy my Master read this Letter , and hastened the Bearer away to bring me to him . Having converted my silver into Gold , sowing it in my Collar and Wastband , and putting my self into a Garb convenient for his sight , I went to him . CHAP. XXVII . His Master sheweth him more kindness than formerly ; the ill requital he made him , by cuckolding him , an accident that fell out thereupon , which produced two remarkable stories , deduced from the strength of Imagination . MY Master upon my reception , told me he had freely forgiven me , and if that I would henceforward endeavour the prosecution of a more regular course of life , he would forget too my past follies , I promised him more then the strickest Zelot ever yet did , and beged him pardon aforehand , if he found a defect in performance . As my expressions gave my Master much content so my return ( I perceived by my Mistresses eyes ) gave her the greatest satisfaction . My Master began to doat on me again , seeing I daily trebled my deligence , and so active I was in every thing , that concerned his affairs , that it was hard for any to anticipate me in my intention . This gained so much upon his facile good Nature , that I had liberty to wear my Hat , and sit at Table with him , neither would be command me any thing servile . I had ( as formerly ) the same sollicitations from my Brother Snippers , but fearing least one time or another I might be snapt by the timerous nature of some , who , if once taxt , will confess , not only as to themselves , but likewise detect the whole knot of a Brother-hood ; I resolved to have no more to do with them , but would snip securely by my self , knowing , that in any secret design , if many are concerned , their business cannot be long kept private . Wherein by the way , I cannot but commend the craft and policy though I absolutely disclaim the actions of modern Padders , whose providence instructed them to rob singly , by which means their booty came to them intire without distribution , or if apprehended ( as it was very rare ) they knew how to make a better plea for themselves in a Court of Judicature . I now kept close to my business , not barbouring the least temptation to any extravagancy , & had sequestred my self from what might render me publickly notorious , and only studied by what means I might raise my Fortune intending to build my future estate upon the ruine of other men ; having nothing of mine own but my late purchase at play , my only way was ( as I thought by some's success therein ) to make the world believe I was really reformed , and so create to my self a credit , whereas I was only a Divil converted to an Angel of light , or a VVoolf in Sheeps cloaths . Now did I begin to cant religiously , and not omit one Sabbath wherein I did not take Sermon Notes , judging this religious cloak to be the best expedient to screw my self farther into my Mistresses favour , who doted on Morning Ex●…rcises , and monethly Fasts , If my Master had forgot to the duty of the day , I would with much respect put him in mind of the neglect , desiring that I might repeat what had been delivered . As they looked upon my conversion more miraculous then that of S. Paul , so they gave me the greatest incouragement , least like Weak women , I might prove a back-slider . There were few private meetings my Mistress heard of , but , by the leave of my Master , I must conduct her to them , which were as many portents of our private meetings afterwards , where Venus should appoint . I am sorry that I am so uncharitable as to say that the zeal of her Spirit was not so hot as that of her flesh , every day I had some remark of her love , w●… I received with much submissive respects , pretending I understood not her meaing , which added but fewel to the blazing flame of love within her . 〈◊〉 could not be ignoront , that since she began to court me , she would prosecute it to the end . Her courtship me-thought was very preposterous , she might have first received the charge from me , and by that means she would have found me prepared , whereas otherwise she might have been deceived in her expectation . My Mistriss gave me so many opportunities , and signified her desires by so many tokens and dumb expressions , that I began to condemn my fears , which rendred me unworthy of her favours The besieger deserves not the honour of possessing that City , whose Gates are freely opened to him , yet dares not enter . Whilst I was thus ruminating , my Mistriss came to the Counting house were I was writing , and leaning upon my shoulder , asked me what I was doing , I told her nothing ; but writing . Nothing , I believe said she , nor never will do any thing , but draw up blanks , and so abruptly left me . She knew the quickness of my apprehension , and so left the interpretation hereof to my own construction . Not long after , ( thinking her words had left a deep inpression , ( as they did ) and withall concluding I would give her the sence of them , when I had an opportunity ; She informs my Master that she had a g●…eat desire to visit a Gentlewoman , she had not seen a long time , and requested that her man Thomas ( for that was my name ) might wait on her , to which he assented . Though I l●…d her , yet I wondered were she led me , through one street into another till we arrived at the water-side . She bid me call for a pair of Oars , which I accordingly did . The Water-men were very inquisitive according to their custome , to know whither we intended . Well , well , said she , put off , and then it will be time enough for you to understand . Said she , row us up to Fox hall . I for my part was somewhat amazed , yet I partly guessed at what the drove at . I kept at a distance , shewing her the respect of a servant , which she taking notice of , laughed , saying , come Cuz , why dost not sit neerer ? to which I replyed as familiarly ( for by this time I had much improved the stock of my confidence ) I were best to sit a little neerer you , since I shall be the best expedient to ballance the Boat even , or trim it , for you are but light on your sides . This expression I doubt netled her , for presently thereupon she shot a peircing dart from her eye ( which I fancied to have penetrated my very soul ) how now Cuz , said she , I thought you had a better opinion of me , I understand the Riddle , Your expression may be very dark to some , however I have too much light in it . I would have made an Apology for my self , but that she hindred me by whispering me in the ear , to this effect that if she was light there was no other cause but my self , and that if I abused her love any longer , she would sit the heavier on my skirts . Landing , we went streight to spring-Garden , by the way she told me , I must lay aside all formallity , and for the better carrying on the design we went upon , she would have me as afore assume the title of Cuz . We were conducted into an obscure bower , I suppose one of Loves Chappels of ease , where , without a Clew , it would be hard for any to find us . There was not any thing wanting that might delight the Appetite , which with much freedom we enjoyed together . Now , said my Mistress , I shall take off the veil of my modesty , and discover to thee the very naked secrets of my heart . The first time that ever I saw thee , I had more then a common respect to thee , and there was not a time since , wherein I had the sight of thee , but that it added new fewel to the flame of my affection : I used all possible means to smother or blast it in the bud , but could not : I summoned my reason to confute my passion , and notwithstanding , I alledged that there was a disproportion in our age , and unsuitableness as to our condition ; and lastly how great a stain it would be to my religious profession ; yet Love got the Victory over these , and would have been too strong for ten times as many ; the rest she supplyed with kisses , which were infinite . Having gained a little breath , and she again having lent me the use and disposal of my own mouth I returned to this her am●…r us Oration something suitable to it by way of retalliation ; Protesting with invocations , that since she had so compleated my happiness by her love , I would perish before I would be guilty of the least abuse therein . That had it not been for the sense of my unworthiness , and fear of hazarding her love , and so gained her displeasure , no other difficulty should have deterred me from declaring , and discovering what she had prevented me in , adding , that where the quintessence of all loves contracted into one body it could not equallize mine . Come , said she , let us leave of talking in such idle phrases , let future constancy make apparent the reallity of our affections , and let us not loose any time wherein we may mutually enjoy each other . It is but a folly for me now to mince the matter , or by my coldness endeavour to recongeal that water where the ice , is too too visibly broken and thaw'd . Yet let not your prudence be questioned , or reason forfeited , in making any unhandsome advantage of this my freedom . But above all , blast not my reputation by the unsavory breath of any ostentations , boasting of a Gentlewomans favours , nor let not my love cause any slighting or disrespect in you to your Master , neither let it so puffe you up with pride , as to contem your fellow servants . In company , shew much more reverence to me than formerly . In private , when none sees us but our selves , be as samiliar and free as actions can demonstrate . Be constant to me alone for true love will not admit of plurality . Be secret and silent , and follow not the common practise of vain-glorious Fools , that in requital of those favours they have received in private of some credulous Female , will make their braggs of them in publick . As if it were not enough for them to rob them of their Chastities , but must likewise murther their Reputations . Have a special care you slight me not , ( as some squeamish or curious Stomacks use feeding too long on one sort of Food , though never so delicious ) for a Womans love despised , will turn into extreme hatred , and will be ever restless till malice and revenge have consulted with Invention , how to be more then even with the slighting Injurer . She propounded more Articles , which I have forgot now , but I remember I sealed them without a witness . We made an end of our business for that time , with much expedition , to the intent the tediousness of our staying might not be suspected by the ignorant Cuckold at home : I have reason now for so calling him . Coming home , I applyed my self to the business of the Shop as before , enjoyning my eyes a severe penance , not so much as to look towards that Object they so dearly loved . According to my usual time I went to Bed , but sleep I could not , for thinking on what I had done . About one a clock I was much startled , to bear something come into my chamber ; but before I could give my eyes the liberty for a discovery , my Mistress had gotten within the sheets , and not daring to speak , because my Master lay in the next room , most commonly by himself , and her chamber was the next to that , ( and in a Trundle-bed underneath my Mistress's bed lay the Maid . ) Neer upon day-break my sweet Bed-fellow left me , at an unhappy time , for then was my Master awake , which might have ruined us both , which had so faln out , had he been resolute or couragious ; but on the contrary , exceeding timerous , but more especially , childishly afraid of the supposed walking of spirits : For hearing the boards crack twice or thrice , with the weight of her body ; besides , by the help of Star-light , perceiving something to move all in white , he shrunk underneath the cloaths , not daring to put out his head ; now did his imagination work as strongly almost as his Breech , suggesting strange and ridiculous things to his fancy . But I shall give him leave to tell his own story . A little after it was day , being almost stifled for want of fresh Air , & choak'd with the stink that was in the Bed , he boldly and valiantly put his head out of the coverlid , & after he had thrice exorcis'd the Devil , or the supposed evil Spirit , with avoid Satan , repeating as often that Scriptural Sentence , Resist the Divil and he will flye from thee : He called out as loud as he might for me to come to him . I leapt out of Bed , and ran to him , asking him what was the matter : O Thomas , said he , light a Candle quickly ; I running in haste to light the Candle , fell ( by mistaking the first step ) down the stairs , which made a terrible noise : my Master hearing me , cry'd out , ( saying , O God , what will become of me ? ) thinking the Devil indeed had mistook me for himself , and that he was horsing me on his back to carry me away ; with that he fell to prayer so servently loud , that upstarts the Mistress , and the Maids , running to know what was the matter : fear had so possessed him , that he could not be perswaded , but that they were some of the Devilish crew . At first they thought him to be fallen mad ; but finding out the cause of this distraction , with much ado my Mistress made him sensible of his mistake . Being fully assured , that they were not ( yet ) damned Spirits , he relates what he had seen , in this manner : My Mistress afterwards told me , that had it not been for laughing , which so busied her , that her sense of smelling for that time had left her , she could never have endured to hear him out , for that notorious stink , which came from the Bed , when he stirred ever so little . I wonder'd , said he , that contrary to my usual custom , I awak'd about four a clock , whereas I used to sleep soundly , thou knowest till eight . I hearkned , at first I perceived onely the boards to crack , but presently after I heard chains rattle , and the stools flung about the room , the bed , and I in it , danced up and down , as if a Scotch Bag-pipe had been plaid upon by a Northern Witcb , and the Devil the while had Danced with me , and the Bed a Morrice , ( supplying the Bellows with wind . ) Sometimes they pull'd me out of Bed , and laid me on the cold floor , and then tost me in again like a Dog in a Blanket . Hearing no noise , I attempted to peep out ; but scarcely had mine eyes recovered the top of the Bed-cloths , when I saw standing by me , a composition of meer bones , with a shrowd thrown over his shoulders , like an Irish Brachin , or a Scotch Pladd , with a light Taper in one hand ( I knew not what use he could make of it , for there were onely holes in his head instead of eyes ) and an Hour-glass in the other : he grinn'd at me with his teeth , ( for he had no lips ) and shaking his chains left me , which fight so terrified me , that I had like to have shot out ( like a Pudding in a Bag ) all that was within me . My Mistress had like to have broken out into extreme laughter , had not the consideration of danger ( that might have ensued thereon ) hindred her . After this , it was a long time before he would be perswaded to lie in that Chamber again , which made me curse his strong conceit , for by this means he would lie with his wife , which interrupted our sweet venereal pastime . As for my part , I believed he would never have return'd to his own chamber again , for he trembled when he past through it in the day time ; and if alone , he would so thunder down the stairs ( fear giving wings to his feet ) as if ( Vulcan-like ) he had been sent by Jupiter head-long in a message . Another accident ( hapning not long after ) cur'd him in part of his ridiculous belief , grounded on nothing else but fancy : In the Sellar , on a certain beam that went cross , there were great quantity of Tenter-hooks placed there , some to hang meat on , others of a smaller sort for other uses . Our Cat being somewhat ravenous , was following the scent , and had gotten upon the Beam ; her foremost feet slipping , she was strangely caught by the tail , and not able to recover her self : Being terribly pained by the hook , she made a most hideous noise , which made our Dog fall a howling . This stranged in first approached my Masters ears , who awaking my Mistress , asked her now whether she would believe her own ears . At first she confest to me , she knew not what to think , her conscience being yet tender ( which having no long time accustomed her self to sin , was not hardned and sear'd up ) put her in mind of what she had lately committed , so that she had like to have concluded that it was Satan was sent to buffet her : But she having a martial spirit , and not easily daunted , she hearkned further , and then judg'd that Thieves had broken into the house . My Master all this while was breathing his last at both ends , whilest my Mistress leap'd out of Bed , and came to my Chamber door , bidding me in all haste to rise , for there were Thieves in the house . I confess I had no great mind to be kill'd , and therefore I was in no great haste to rise , sometimes buttoning my Doublet , and anon unbuttoning it again : perceiving that I delaid , she came again , taxing me with Cowardise , and meanness of Spirit , which put new life into me , making me resolve to adventure my life , rather then hazard the loss of her good opinion . Finding my Mistress in her smock , I thought it a shame for me to have any cloaths on : and so naked as I was , we march'd on . Coming to the Stairhead , my fancy troubled me a little too , for the noise had so amaz'd me , that I would fain have my Mistress to go first : she could not forbeare laughing , to observe how complemental and ceremonious at that time I was . Having scattered my fear by resolution , How do I abuse my self , said I , and with that boldly went on . By this time a light was produced , and then those Bug-bear thoughts which darkness possesseth the fancy withal , began to vanish . There was not a hole big enough to contain a man , but what I prob'd . Descending the Cellar-stairs , I there plainly saw the Original cause of our fear and distraction , hanging by the tail . I called my Mistress to the sight , and now the Maids too would be Spectators , understanding the danger to be overpast . Well , the general vote was , that the Cat should be carried up stairs to our Master , and shew him the wound in his Tail , for evidence to prove his guilt in being seduced by fancy . He hearing some come up , thought we were all destroyed , and that they were coming up to dispatch him too : Wherefore he cryed out , Save my Life , and take all I have . His wife ( not to encrease his perplexity ) bid him quiet himself , there was no harm , nor any like to be done ; and withal so convinced him of his folly , both past and present , that he had not a word to say in his own defence ; he enjoyning us all silence , we were dimiss'd . The next night , to shew how much he was altered from his former temper and belief , he did lye in his Chamber aforesaid , supposedly haunted , and that same night with much joy , my Mistress and I renewed our pleasures . CHAP. XVIII . How his Mistress supplyed him with money , even to superfluity ; what ways he had to spend it . He is tempted to destruction by Correctors ( alias ) Clippers and Coyners ( alias ) Matter-men . I Found my Estate to encrease abundantly , for I was half sharer my self with my Master ; my Mistress she put in for one too , which I had likewise ; so that the good man received but the fourth . I had been ( since my return ) very sparing in my expence , having laid up my money securely : But now finding out another rich Mine , I thought I should be too rich , unless I contrived ways to draw out as well as put in . In the first place , I thought good to buy a brace of good Geldings , for by that means I could meet whom I pleas'd , though a dozen or sixteen miles distance , and so by the quickness of return come home undiscovered : If occasion should serve , they might very well serve for the High Pad . These I bought , and where they stood , I had four or five several suits , either to Ride withal , ( using variety that I might pass in●…ognito ) or to wear when I did intend to appear splendidly to peculiar friends ; and then the Prodigal himself did not spend his mony more profusely than my self . I judge it unnecessary to relate how , and in what manner I disburst great sums , since there are few that are addicted to pleasure , and have money , but know how to lay it ou●… to the satisfaction of their desires , that is , to please all their senses . My Mistress seldom saw a piece of Gold in her Husbands hands , or some large and great piece of Silver , but she would be begging it of him , for no other intent but to give it me ; which she took delight in , withal , knowing that frequent presents very much ingage the affection . My Master seldom denyed her , ( for , like a Cuckold he doted on his Wife ) but if he did , she would take pet , and would not eat , have the forehead bound down with a cross-cloath , look pitifully , and the like . If he askt her what she ailed , or what she was troubled at , she would say , at nothing more then your unkindness , and then weep bitterly : for , like a right Hyp crite , she had tears at command . The Dotard would melt too , sometimes the great Calf crying and sobbing , like a Childe that hath lost his Bread and Butter : Then to make his attonement , he must procure her two or three pieces ; if he hath them not in the house , otherwise it shall cost him as much more wealth on the Doctor , of whom she would often pretend to take Physick , but it should be onely rich Cordials , strengthing ●…ellies , with such like Provocations to Venery . For my own part , I was not idle in the mean time , laying up like the careful Bee for Winter . We returned great sums of money every day , which an acquaintance of mine knew very well ; and he being daily in the company of a fellow , who was both Coyner and Clipper , it seems a decayed Goldsmith , undone by the study of Chymistry , but now lived by some particular part thereof , as the transmutation of Metal , or so forth . This man he informs that he know a young Casheer , that he thought he could work to their purpose , who was very well qualified for it . An appointed time for meeting was agreed upon between them , which was made known to me ; I thought of no other design but to be merry . Being met , we drank stiffly , but ever and anon the stranger would beseech me to favour him with my future acquaintance , that he should think himself very happy , if I would admit him into a familiarity . I could do no less then promise so much , and so laying aside ceremonies , we entered into a very familiar discourse . But for that night there was nothing propounded , neither was it thought convenient : several times we met , ( not without great expence ) so that now we were grown intimately acquainted . Our discourse hapned on a time to be about Chymistry , I was forced to be mute , as not understanding any thing thereof ; yet I could not but admire , to hear any new friend rela●…e what admirable Rarities he could perform in that mysterious Art , and thereupon shew'd me a piece of Gold , demanding my opinion , what I thought of it ? I told him I could judge no less , but that it was what it seem'd to be ; he smilingly reply'd , No wonder that this should deceive you , since it will do the like to the most critical Goldsmith about the Town : No doubt , said he , you have heard of the Philosopher's Stone , and what vast Estates some have mis-spent in the search thereof , how ineffectual the labour of such hath been , the miserableness of their condition makes apparent . Others & not a few have pretended they have obtain'd the mastery thereof , for no other intent then to delude some wealthy credulous person , making some ridiculous experiments to confirm his belief , and at last extract him to the very lees of his Estate . I shall not deludingly pretend to any thing , but what I will perform , which your own eyes shall attest . Hereupon , he shew'd me various pieces , both Gold and Silver , which are the effects ( said he ) of my own labour and pains , imployed in an Art I have found out by the curious search and industry of my brain , with which I can convert Copper into that Metal which current money is composed of , either of which , according to the Tincture I shall give it . And to be plainer with you , out of that great love I have born ever since I first saw you , & that my actions shall make it apparent , see here this piece , according to the term of Art given , it is called a black Dog , with Queen Elizabeths Head thereon , which is only Pewter double washed . This here is a George plateroon , being all copper within , and only a thin Plate about it . Another called Compositum , which is a mixt Metal , and will both touch and cut , but will not indure the fiery test . He gave me the sight likewise of pieces of eight , half pieces , and quarter pieces . Then again ( said he ) our own Coyn we usually call English Cloth , the other Spanish ; the prices whereof are several , according to their goodness and fineness : The best you may have for 15 sh. the yard , i. e. five shillings in the pound profit ; the worser for eight , ten or more . Now to the intent that I may compleat your happiness here , if enjoyment of Wealth will do it , I would advise you to take some of every sort , and so mingle it with the rest of your good cash , proportionably to the sum . Let me add one thing more , if any large money comes to your hand , lay it aside for me , which after I have corrected a little ( for broad brimd Hats are not now in fashion ) I will return it , allowing you 18 pence per pound interest . I gave him all this while great attention , without the least interruption ; but he here making a stop , I thought he expected my replication ; which was to this effect , That I thankt him cordially for his respects , which I beleeved were real , having used that freedom with me , that I did not in the least question the greatness of profit that would redound by the acceptance of his proffer ; but it being a matter of the greatest consequence & highest concern , I desired I might have some time for consideration This answer made him look blank , fearing least I made a demur only to betray him , so that I saw by his countenance , he wisht he had been more sparing in his expressions . I must needs consess , I trembled all the time I was in his company , wherefore I made all the hast I could to be gone , giving him to understand , that , after serious consultation with my self , I would send him an answer by my friend , and so I took my leave of him . The whole night following I spent in weighing his Proposals in the ballance of profit and preservation : I quickly sound that Life's preservation outweigh'd all other interest , and that honour , riches , and pleasure , would avail little to that man that was riding Post to the Gallows . Besides , how could I expect to escape better then others , who were frequently made wretched spectacles of rash imprudence and folly , who , having forfeired the Kings high and just displeasure , did usually betray their own selves to the Severity of the Law in that case ; which hath as little Commiseration on such as on the worst of Offendors ? Though I had committed several things that might come within the verge of an Indictment , yet I always shunned such actions as bore the inscription in their front , Memento mori . To be as good as my promise , I sent my Chimist these consequent Lines . SIR , You seemingly do proffer fair , but know , Hanging attends such kindnesses you show . The hope of profit tempts me ; loss of life O'repowrs perswasious , and so ends the strife . Had I two Lives , my deeds should make it known , How little I would care to hazard one ; But having solely one , I will not try Its loss ; as yet I have no mind to die . Should we proceed then , and be taken in it ; Death and damnation seize us in a minute . Cease then , and let your fancy's suit with mine . We 'l plot no Treason , but to get good Wine : That being bad , let each man's face declare Th' Indian Mines are not so rich as ours are . If we want Coyu , the best way , I suppose , Is to transmute the Metal of my Nose . I never receiv'd any answer to what I wrote , neither did I ever see my new friend after , which was according to my own desire , but I heard of his sad destiny , whereof I should have participated , had I listed my self in that Mettle-simulating Regiment . Some found out operating in the obscurest thickets of woods ; others were detected clipping in dark Concaves on Black-heath , and their Ring-leader discovered in his own house , in a deep Vault befitting his purpose ; who , though he had timely notice to remove his tools , yet , by his Seizers they were found hid in a Chimny-mantletree , hollowed to that intent , with a shutter at the end . After the dismal catastrophe of these Hazardous fools , I had like to have been put to a great trouble , though not in the least guilty of the accusation : and thus it was ; an indigent Hanger-on , having taken notice of my being once or twice in the company of the chief of those lately executed , came to me one Evening , and requested some private discourse : I consented : being together ( laying aside several Formalities that ushered in his discourse ) he told me , that I was taken notice of as a notorious disperser of Counterfeit money , and that there was a warrant out to apprehend me , & , that out of pure love to a man so young and fairly promising as my self , be thought himself bound in duty to preserve if he could , by giving timely notice to shun that , which , if neglected might prove destructive . I immediately saw the Rogue peep through the Vizard of di●…malation , and therefore instead of giving thanks I gave him a blow over both the eyes , to the intent he should not see how I would beat him , which was in such a manner , that he could not see himself for three days afterward . This fellow I understood to be a Dunner for the Prisoners of their confederates abroad ; and if they would not continually let down their milk , impeach them , and were often condemn'd . CHAP. XIX . He breaketh his Master ( by the help of his Mistress ) and so sets up for himself with that money he had unlawfully gotten in his Apprentiship , and credit besides : what a trick he served his Master at last : his Master and Mistress soon after dy'd . BUt to proceed , now I had served my time , and was accordingly made free ; but sollicited by my Master to stay some longer time as a Journey-man , which I consented to , knowing it could not be long : for we had so purloined from him , that it was impossible for him to subsist any longer . His Creditors visited him dayly , so that now his whole time was taken up in studying fair promising words to satisfie them for the present , and tell them when they should come again . My Master perceiving the danger he was in , would neither stir abroad , no , not so much as come into the Shop . He now standing upon the brow of a very high Hill , and being forced to descend , I resolved to save him the labour , and so threw him down headlong . By this time I had conveyed away a sufficient quantity of his Goods , intending them for my own use ; and stowed them in a Warehouse which I had lately taken privately for my purpose . My Master one night told me his intended design , that he was resolv'd to pack up all his Goods , and to gather in what moneys he could , and so take his wife with him for Ireland . I thought I should have dy'd at first when I heard him talk of carrying his wife with him , and could not forbear dropping some tears ; which he perceiving , his trickled down his Cheeks to bear mine company . Well now , said he , I see thou lovest me too , as well as thou hast hitherto proved faithful . But the dearest friends must part ( & with that he wept again like a child ) however my comfort is , I hope we shall see each other in Heaven . I thought with my self , I had rather see him in the Counter . And from that minute I contriv'd how I might effect it : For at that time I should never have been able to have brookt a separation between my Mistress and self , especially at so great distance . She and I often consulted what to do ; Sometimes we were in the mind to take what money the old fool had , and so run away together , with many stratagems which we propounded ; but were rejected as no ways expedient nor convenient . At last I resolved on this , that she should acquaint her self of the exact time and way he intended to go , and so inform me thereof . I receiv'd information in a short time after , that before break of day , at such a time he would take Horse at I sl●…gton , and so for Westchester . I immediately sent away word to one of his chiefest Creditors , making known to him the sum and substance of every thing , and , that if ever he expected to receive what was due to him , he must at such a time have Officers ready to way-lay him , in order to his arrest , which was punctually done according to what instructions I sent him in a letter , without a name subscribed thereunto . He had not been long in custody , before I was sent for , to advise with him what was best to be done in this his great extremity and perplexity . I could do no less then seemingly condole his misfortunes , and withal seemed to be very active as to his assistance , running up and down to his Creditors to bring them to a compliance ; but he had been better to have sent some person else as sollicitor in his business , for by my means I made his wound incurable . Seeing there was no remedy but patiently to endure his inevitable imprisonment , he got an Horse ( as some men term it ) alias a Duce facies , and so remov'd himself to Ludgate , where he had not been long e're he dy'd for grief . In the mean time my Mistress had secured what he had , which I enjoy'd . I had now an House and Shop of mine own , very well furnisht ; but withal I was grown so deboist and profusively lavish , that I seldom was at home but at night , & then in bed with my Mistress , who was very importunate with me to marry her : I confess I loved her intirely as my Mistress , or Whore , but I hated her as my Wife ; knowing very well that if she would be an whore to me , and have an Husband , she would he so to another when I was in the formers place . She now found her self with Child ; whereupon ( taking upon her my duty ) she dayly prest●…e to save her Credit . But I delay'd , putting her off continually with specious pretences , which her love & facileness easily swallow'd . The time of her delivery approaching , I went down into the Country with her ; and because it was at hand , I stay'd to see the event : Within a short while she fell in labour ( now because we were known for no other then Man and Wife , ) when her throws came upon her , she would not let me stir out of the room . Her pain growing intolerable , she called me hastily to her , and getting my hand within hers ; Farewel , said she , I die for thee ; thy last unkindness in not performing thy promise , and not returning love answerable to mine , hath untimely yielded my days : with that she groaned , and then using her former expressions , cryed out , Love my memory however , since I die for thee . She uttered not one word afterwards , being as good as her word : The good women lookt strangely on me , every one passing their verdict , and all concluding her none of my Wife . The first Christians under the great Persecution suffered not in 500 years so many several ways , as I did in five hours by the peoples Tongues . I must needs say , I took it very much to heart that Report , which made Richard the Second alive so often after he was dead , should kill me as often whilst alive ; desiring them at last to wave their Censures ( which they exprest publickly ) I intreated them with all the Rhetorick I could produce to indeavour the reviring of my Wife , which if past recovery , to use means to preserve the Child . In a short time they told me that was dead likewise . At first I showed much grief , which was unfeigned , being not so much afflicted for the loss of her , as affected with those words she uttered when she breathed her last . I was too conscious of my own guilt , and therefore they made the deeper impression in my very Soul. But all these perturbations of mind I dissipated with a glass or two of Canary , which was the common antidote I us'd against care , sorrow , and vexation , &c. I now provided things necessary for her Funeral , which were not vulgar ; which I might the better do , having made my self her Executor before , taking all she had into my custody . In memorial of her and her fidelity , I wrote this Epitaph on her Tomb-stone . Women they say will lye , but now I see 'T is false , to th'last she spake the truth to me . Farewel said she , I thought my grief t' have hid , I die for love of thee , — and so she did . Here with her lies her Child , that strove in vain To untomb it self , to be intomb'd again . But rest my babe , thy cares with life are gone , Thou 'lt rise again , though now a setting Sun. Though wonders cease , thy Mothers death doth prove They may revive , for she did die for love . CHAP. XX. His credit becomes suspected by his exorbitant manner of living in Drinking , Whoring , Gaming , &c. He thinks to sawder up that crack by Marriage ; he is deceived both in Person and Portion . REturning to my own Habitation , I found that my so long absence had raised a jealousie in my Neighbours breasts , that I was run away ; which rested not there , but spread like a Canker , so that this flying report came to some of my Creditors cars , which made them both impatient and importunate with me for their moneys ; I wondered whence proceeded their unexpected haste . Some that would not be put off with promises , I was forced to pay ; from others I obtained a little longer forbearance , which gave me but liberty to prosecute my former courses . If I was at the Tavern , I was either drunk , ingaged in a quarrel , & so involv'd in blood ; or else at play , if not at a Bawdy house , which places I could not refrain from frequenting , though I kept one of my own at home . For I would not entertain a Maid , but what was more then ordinarily handsom , whom I commonly vitiated either by presents , or promises if I got them with child . When I was weary of one , I payd her off with some additions to her wages , & entertain'd another , who would in a short time be wrought upon as well as her predecessors , being ambitious to lie with her Master , and vainly hoping that to be the first step to her preferment , thinking of nothing but presently marrying , and so be Mistress . In three years that I lived as a Mr. I had nine illegitimates , which I knew , four whereof were be gotten of my Maids , which put me to a vast expence . Two of the Mothers would have forced me to have married them , or allowed them competent maintenance ( for they were subtil cunning baggages ) had I not by a wile got them aboard a Vessel bound for Virginia , and never heard of them since . Besides two or three terrible Claps , which cost me a considerable sum in their cure . This distemper , as it caused a consumption in my Pocket , so it impaired my wonted strength , and almost spoiled my natural Talent . I now began to be sensible of my folly , and so resolved to take up in time , and redeem by degrees my lost credit by a temperate sober life ; but that I found I had wasted my self extreamly , by which means I became less capable of reacting what I had before done , and my mind in a manner satiated , I question whether I should have had now such penitent thoughts . For a while I kept my Shop diligently and constantly ; I would not drink with any but at home ; my sudden alteration made people admire , and the suddenness of my reformation was the common discourse of all my Neighbours : The Parson of our Parish hearing of my strange alteration , came to me , which I admired at ; for before , he that had the least care or respect of his Reputation , would avoid all occasions of being seen in my company , lest they might be suspected extravagant and deboist . Pares cum paribus facilime congregantur . Birds of a Feather will flock together . The shortness of his hair declar'd him a member of the Circumcision , but his triple cap , or three caps on his head , shew'd , though he hated the very name of Rome or Babylon , yet he lov'd formerly a whore in private , though common . His Cloak was fac'd down with zeal before , and his Band appear'd but as a broad hem , to shew that a hem , with two or three formal spits , or a feigned Cough , was the usual supply of his discourse , when he had thrasht himself in his Cloak out of breath in the Pulpit . His looks resembled the bleer-ey'd Printing at Geneva ( and his face like that sort of ragged paper on which they work off their impressions . After he had set his face into a Platform , he delivered himself . I shall not relate exactly his own canting words , or what he borrowed from Scripture , being sensible , non est tutum ludere cum sacris : but give you the substance , which was first a reproof for my extravagancies : secondly , some general instructions , ( pickt out of a common-place Book ) for my future practice : and lastly , some encouragements drawn from various motives to proceed ( without looking back ) toward a good life : on which three points he ran divisions strangely , till Dinner-time , and then his stomack petitioned him to shut his mouth , lest it should be deprived of its appetite by receiving in too much air . In this seeming strictness of life I lived two or three months , and now some began to have charitable thoughts of my Soul ; & that I might regain my runnings out by future diligence & industry . I had several Matches offered me , which I saw , but liked them not ; for I had always been a general lover , and could not now come to particulars . At last it was my misfortune to see one , whom I was wisht to ; and which at first sight robbed me at once , both of my self and good company . Formerly I was pleasing and affable , desirous and desired of good society , but never lived till now in Anchorite on earth . Neither did I ever till now tie up mine eyes to one particular face , giving them free liberty to wander . But now at last I fell from my primitive liberty , losing it totally , by dotage on a Creature , and that a Woman too : a just judgment on me for my manifold sins , to throw this thing in my way for me to stumble at . CHAP. XXI . How he was married , and what kind of thing his Wife . I Made strict enquiry after the condition of my intended Wifes Parents , and found by report they were very wealthy . In a short time we had conference together about the Portion , and my Estate , and therein we were all satisfied . My Courtship was very Noble , yet not prodigal , for fear of giving offence ; and in a little while we were married . By her looks I thought her so modest , that an unchaste thought durst not enter into her head , since all immodest expressions she banished from her cars . The first night I thought to have had the first taste , but my experience told me the Tarriers had been there before . This struck me into an amazement , that there should appear such Virgin-whiteness , & the extract of innocence in her face , yet be guilty of a crime so notorious . Much perplext I was , but durst not vent my self , what was more then bare suspition . In one half years time what I intended to conceal could be hid no longer , being brought to bed three months before her time ; and yet the Bawd her Midwife would make me believe this was usual ; and that Children brought forth at six moneths might live . Now began our domestick Civil Wars , which was carried on with such fury between us , that there was hardly an Utensil in the Kitchin that could rest in quiet for flying about our ears continually . My Wife acted the Silent Woman to the life , whilest in a single state ; for before we were married all her answers were very short , comprehended within the two Monosyllables of I , and N ; and those two must be forcibly extracted from her . But now her tongue wagg'd in a perpetual motion , and her voice so shrill and loud , that it would be heard distinctly , though a piece of Ordnance were discharged near her at the same time , or standing at the Bell-room-door whilest the Bells were ringing . Frequent were her complaints to her Father and Mother , which alienated their affection from me , so that their only study was how to be rid of me . Her forgeries ( to excuse her own Devilry ) had so instigated them , that they sought my ruine by all wayes imaginable . Besides , they laid an Imbargo on the rest of my Wives portion unpaid ; advising her withal to secure what she could , for her own self preservavation . She followed their instructions so exactly , that in a short time I found my self in a very declining condition , yet knew not the cause till it was too late , conveying away both my goods and money , some whereof went to supply the necessities of her Stallion . I was all along jealous of this , though I could not conclude her altogether so culpable . But my doubts and fears which of all are the sharpest passions , could not turn this distemper into a disease ( although they lookt through false Opticks , making things appear like evening shadows , disproportionable to the truth , and strangely longer then the true substance ) till knowledge hereof ( confirmed me by the witnesses of my eyes ) had banisht bare suspition . Which was thus , One night I caused my self to be brought home by a Porter as dead drunk ; my Wife received me in that condition ( I perceived by peeping out of my eye-lids ) with much satisfaction , and was immediately carried up to bed ; with much difficulty they undrest me , pretending my self a sleep all this while , and so they left me . It seems by the story that my Wife presently sent away the Maid ( which was her Pimp ) to her friend to come at such an hour . About nine of the clock the Maid was posted to bed ; and about ten I heard one small knock at the door : he needed not to knock there any longer , for there was one below that was ready to receive him . When I judg'd they were incircled in each others arms , ( which I understood by hearkning at the bottom of the stairs , and thereby knew where about they were ) I ran in upon them with my Sword ( which I had prepared ready ) & thinking to have run them through the body , intending to make a passage for their Souls escape , I past my Sword through the fleshy part of both their thighs . At which they made a most hideous outcry , so that the Maid came running down , & a Watchman that stood just at my door hearingthe noise , knockt at the door , to know what was the matter ; the Maid apprehending the danger , let him in , who by the help of his Candle , never saw so strange a sight ; for I had so pin'd them together , that they could not stir . As well as they could speak , they both begg'd their pardon for their lives only , which I granted , as looking on my revenge somewhat satisfied . My Gentleman I dismist , but as for his Mistress I was forced to send for a Chyrurgeon , whose wound needed no probing , but tenting , for it was through and through . There was no concealing of what was done ; wherefore in the morning early I acquainted her Parents with what had happen'd last night . Insisting further , that since she had instead of putting off handsomly the Chain of Matrimony , rudely broke it , it should be her own damage ; neither would I be at the cost of a visitation to repair the breach . To which I added , that had I deny'd her things requisite or necessary , or not performed duly my duty , she might have had some pretence for her slighting me , and look upon me only as a false Crow set up in a Garden , to keep others from the fruit it cannot taste it self . But since it was otherwise , and that she had nothing to object against me , but onely sometimes curbing her inordinate desires ; I wisht them to save me the labour of having the Law to tear her from me , but that they would remove her elsewhere . They reply'd but little , hastning to their daughter ; and fearing worse mischief might ensue , they instantly conveyed her into the Country . She had not remained there long , before she was cured , and not enduring to be confined to solitariness , repaired again to the City , where now she lives , as such do that keeps Civet-Cats ; but I hear she is very reserv'd to all but such she knows she may intrust her self with . There never yet was Woman made , Nor shall , but to be curst ; And oh ! that I ( fond I ) should first Of any Lover This Truth at my own charge to other Fools discover . Ye that have promis'd to your selves Propriety in Love ; Know womens hearts like straws do move , And what we call Their Sympathy , is but love to jet in general . All Mankind are alike to them ; And though we Iron find That never with the Loadstone joyn'd , 'T is not the Irons fault , It is because the Loadstone y t was never brought . If where a gentle Bee hath fallen And laboured to his power , A new succeeds not to that flower , But passeth by , 'T is to be thought the Gallant elsewhere loads his thigh . For still the flowers ready stand ; One buzzes round about , One lights , one tasts , gets in , gets out . All always use them , Till all their sweets are gone , and all again refuse them . However , I must confess my own faults , as well as condemn others ; which was , I was too inquisitive after that which the more I knew , would the more disturb me . Of all things the less we know , the better . Curiosity in this renders a man as ridiculous a Coxcomb , as that Cuckold Sir John Suckling mentioneth , who made diligent enquiry , whether he was made so in a bed , or on a Coach , and whether his duty-officiating Cavalier pulled off his Spurs first or not , &c. Well , it was my hard fate to Marry thus like one doom'd to prison , who expecting to lie in a private room , is confined to the Hole . Had I married the best , I believe I should have found my self in the Stocks . 'T is strange that I of all men should be deceiv'd by this thing that was like a box bearing drugs not suitable to the inscription . Had not my passion hung in my eyes , when I lookt into her disposition and carriage , I might have easily understood that her behavior in the presence of me was only like action on a publike Stage , and that the evil of her natural inclinations were hid from me under the vail of silence and seeming modesty . And indeed my pallate was bed-ridden , and so scarce sensible of sauce , much less of meat . But since I have had such ill luck in marriage , which some vainly and falsly account a merry-age , I shall in the ensuing Discourse give you some instruction or advice as Land-marks . For having split upon this Rock , I may the better be a Pylot to another that would sail this way . CHAP. XXII . Some Observations concerning Love and Women ; selected out of the choicest Commentators on their nature , together with his own experimental reflections . LOve 't is confest is a Natural distemper , a kind of small Pox ; most have either had it , or is to expect it , and the sooner the better . Surely I was never well cur'd on 't , or else I had not thus fallen into a Relaps . Want of knowledge misguided me at first , and so I fell into a Quagmire ; but I knew not what possest me to ride afterward into another on purpose . Love-seeds when it grows up to Matrimony is good for nothing , like some Fruit-trees which must be transpanted before they will bring forth any thing . And when Love in this nature doth seed , the encrease thereof is dissatisfaction , sorrow and vexation multiplyed . This aforementioned is not truely love but lust ; for I cannot believe that that noble passion can be the ruine of its subject ; neither would I have it disparaged by so unworthy an object as a woman . If there be Love , it should be to Heaven , a male-friend , relations , or our Countries preservation , and not to a Female-piece of imperfection . And yet nothing will serve the turn , but monopolizing it by Marriage , because we would make it surely our own , and nevertheless our own till then . For if she be young , she is like an Hawk upon her wing ; and if she be handsome , she is the more subject to go out at check . Faulkners that can but seldom spring right game , should still have something to take them down . The lure to which all stoop in this World , is either garnisht with profit or pleasure , and when you cannot throw her the one , you must be content to shew out the other . Consider again that woman ( besides the trouble ) is a Rent-charge which though the curiosity of man hath often inclosed , yet he cannot for his life stop so well one gap , but it will lie open for any stragler , by which means it seldom improves or becomes fruitful . And why should a woman be denyed the liberty of breaking a pane in her own window , or not admitted the freedom of regress to her own salliport , letting in whom she esteems as friends ? If you will not give them the permission , you must be forc'd to wink when they take it , or do worse : cross them , and they will endeavour the not leaving a cross in your Pocket . Take it which way you will , Marriage is the dearest way of curing love . Faring with such , as it doth with those for the most part that at great charges walls in grounds and plant , who cheaper might have eaten Mellons elsewhere , then Cucumbers in their own Garden . Besides , it is a gross piece of ignorance to be bound up to love for an age , when the cause of love may perish for a month , and then the effect will follow . If it be natures plant in the face , that doth induce you ; those beautiful flowers of red and white , a disease will quickly wither ; if not , ravishing time will deflowre the choicest beauty . But the ill consequents of Marriage are more to be considered , which are commonly drawn from the evil inclinations of that Sex Eve by stumbling at the Serpents sollicitations cast her Husband out of Paradice ; nor are her Daughters surer of foot , being foundred by the heat of lust and pride . It were something if Marriage could answer the expectation of all she boasts the cure of ; for instead of quenching the hot coals of concupiscence , it aggravates the simple sin of Fornication , making it sprout into Adultery . What might be said more as to this subject , I shall refer the Reader to the Writings of that ingenious Gentleman Mr. Francis Osborne . If any more ( like boys stript and stand shivering about the brink ) are ready to leap into Loves Whirl-pit , and so end anger the loss of themselves , let them first look upon Love to be an idle fancy , and Wedlock of a dangerous consequence . If I could perswade you from loving , one would think the other then would be disregarded , but some to their costs can speak the contrary . In the first place , marry none but whom you love : for he that marries where he doth not love , will love where he did not marry . If you are prone to love one particular person , some are of opinion that travel is an excellent remedy : For absence doth in a kind remove the cause , removing the object . Others think that frequent visits ( where as the rarity of them indears the affection ) may by a surprizal discover some defects , which though they cure not absolutely , yet they qualifie the vehement heat of an amorous Feavor ; and as neer as can be , let it be unseasonably , either when she is in sickness or disorder , by that a man may know she is but mortal , and but a woman ; the last would be enough to a wise man for an Antidote . Enter into discourse with her of things she daily hears not , and it will confirm the cure . Neither will it be amiss to contrive your self into the company of variety , especially such beauties which are generally cry'd up ; and if you can , taste them all , ( but now I think on 't , it is no matter , one is sufficient for a surfeit ) for this Malady is better remedy'd this way , then by abstinence : good jovial company will much conduce to the cure . But , I like not the prescription of Marriage , since it is the last and most dangerous receipt ; like a kind of live Pigeons apply'd to the soals of the feet , which remedy to say truth , is worse then the disease : Were it possible for a Woman to be constant to one , something might be said , but I never yet tried any which did not very much shew their displeasures when offered some kindness , but never found any to refuse them , if opportunity & privacy of place admitted their reception ; which hath made me often in my own thoughts question my mothers honesty and fidelity to my Father . What I now utter , is not derived from prejudice to that Sex , grounded on my own Wifes disloyalty ; but experience tells me this , which most past sixteen very well understand , that there are few Women , let them pretend what they please , but will yeild to the temptations of the flesh , and so much the sooner , by how much she professeth some new light , which is Ignis fatuus that leads them into the Quagmires of all sorts of erroneous Tenents . With this dark Lanthorn-Light they dazle the eyes of such as would pry into their actions , whiles behind in the dark they sensually satisfie themselves undiscovered . Experience dictates what I here express ; for I have had converse with several of these Religious pretenders , that in the very act would very much inveigh against Adultery with their tongues , whilst their Bloods willingly consented to the commission of that sin , and then immediately after seem extremely pensive . They will make it their daily discourse , speaking against such whose natural inclinations have prompted them to unlawful satisfaction of their lusts , and yet they themselves are at the same time studying how they may secretly and securely accomplish the same thing . To conclude , Woman in general is the very extract of inconstancy , and therefore it is but a vain thing for any to think she can absolutely love one man. Such who are found constant to their Husbands preferring their welfare before the indulging of their own by-respects , ought to be lookt on no less then Miracles of their Sex , by such who are acquainted generally with Female dispositions and actions . CHAP. XXIII . He cheats his Creditors by knavish breaking , and runs away for Ireland . He is Shipwrackt on the Isle of Man. WHilst my Credit was good , I thought good to make use of it , lest that failing , I should want an opportunity to march off with flying Colours . To raise my repure amongst my Neighbours ( whom I knew would spread abroad what they had seen ) I caus'd a Porter ( whom I could intrust ) to carry out prlvately an hundred pound , and a little while after to come with a trusty friend of mine with that , and five or six hundred pound bags more on his back , openly carrying them . Upon my receipt hereof , I presently tumbled the Money out of the bag ( which had really money in it ) on the Counter , purposely making a great noise : having told it over ( my friend standing by the while ) I put it up ; and pretending to lay that aside and take another , I took up the same again , so doing till I had told it over five or six times ; then writing in publike view a Receipt , with much civility and respect I dismist my Gentleman . And thus did I thrice in a months time ; so that by this means without suspition I conveyed away a great quantity of my Goods , which people thought I had sold , & therefore thought me to have a great trade . Report hereby rendred me a man of vast dealing , so that now I had goods dayly offer'd me , some whereof I received , promising to them payment at three moneths , others at six ; whereas I intended they should stay till her had her twelve Apostles for her Jury . What Wares or Moneys I could take up , I did , not mattering at what rate . To some of the more wary sort I confest a Judgment for their security . I needed not to have spoken in the Singular number , for I deluded four with my Judgments . What commodities I had , I converted into money by a bill of Sale , and so went away , leaving my Creditors to sue out a Statute of Bankrupt if they so pleased ; which I val●…ed not , if once out of their reach . To my chiefest Creditor I sent these lines , to the intent he should not tax me with incivility for going away , and not sending him word . Credit doth strengthen such whose Trades are weak ; But too much Credit , Sir , did make me break . Credit to sinking Trades-men is a prop ; But had you kept your Wares , I 'de kept my Shop . Pray do not blame me , Sir , because I show A way to pay those many debts you owe : Which you may do , if you 'l advised be , Which is in short , prepare to follow me . Believe me , faithful Sir , in what I say , I went before , but to shew you the way : But if you will not , don't lament your loss , For in your Money I do bear the cross . Grief will distract you , and destroy your wit ; Good Sir , preserve it , for y 'ave paid for it . I rid post for Holy-head night and day , so that I arrived there in a very short time : going to dismount , I tumbled off , neither could I rise again ; continual and unaccustomed riding had almost dislocated every bone in my body , notwithstanding it was swathed for that purpose . The next day I made a shift to walk abroad to view the Rarities of the Town , but found nothing rare but handsome Women , Civility , and good Drink . In two days time we set Sail : we had not ran above three Leagues before the Sky darkned ; the Wind blew hard at a South-East , and the Waves rose mountain-high : In an hours time we were forced to cut our Masts by the board , and lightning the Ship as much as we could , let her drive . Every man fell to his Prayers , expecting every moment when they should be swallowed up by the Sea. As for my part , I now thought divine vengeance had overtaken me , and would reckon with me for all my Rogueries ; I lookt on my self as Jonas , & was much troubled that others should suffer for my iniquities . About three a Clock in the mornning we heard a hideous noise occasioned by the beating of the Sea against the Rocks , which was ecchoed by the loud and lamentable cries of the Seamen , who now knew there was no hope for us . Now could I pray heartily , that had never pray'd in my life before ; but my Devotion was soon spoiled , for the Ship struck in between two Rocks . I lookt out , and methought the dashing of the waves lookt perfectly like flashes of Fire . Here she stuck a little while , which gave five of us opportunity to leap out upon a Rock : we were no sooner there , before a wave fetcht her off , but brought her on again , and split her all to pieces . We five in the mean time riding astride on a Rock behind one another , like so many Criminals on a Woodden-horse . Sometimes a wave would strike clear over us , which indangered our washing off . Sometimes we thought to let go our hold , as looking upon our preservation to be impossible ; and withal imagining that the tide was coming in . At last the hindmost could hold no longer , but crying , Lord have mercy on my Soul , committed himself to the merciless Sea. Immediately came a tumbling Sea and washt off the next ; now did I expect that every wave would prove my Executioner . But it was not decreed ( I suppose ) that I should be drown'd . Day broke , so that we could discern we were not a Coits cast from the Shore , and that the Sea was ebbing . We waited not above an hour before we crawled to Shore , for go we could not , our joynts were so benum'd by the cold . We got up the Beach , and could discern a little way distant a small Cottage ; thither we repaired with much difficulty , and were kindly entertained , pittyed , and informed where we were . We stay'd about a week in this Isle of Man , without one farthing expence . For the Inhabitants are generally very civil and courteous , and especially to Strangers . From thence we imbarkt for Dublin . CHAP. XXIV . His Arrival into Ireland : he changeth his Name : what trick he serv'd his first Landlady ; all his Money being spent , and those Goods and Coyn likewise Shipwrackt which he expected to follow him . WE landed at a place called Ringsend about a mile from Dublin . I was askt whether I would have a Coach. Where are there any , said I ? ( for I lookt about me , and could see nothing like a Coach ) the fellow lookt upon me to be a very ignorant person , because I understood not what he meant , and angerly spal●…e thus : By my Gossips hand , thou canst not see very much well , arra look here is one by thine own side . It was a great while before I could tell what language he spoke , he did so tone his words ; neither could I understand him , till one standing by interpreted him . As for his Ringsend-Coach , as he call'd it , it was Wheel-barrow fashion , only it had two Wheels not much bigger then a large Cheshire Cheese : the Horse that drew this Princely-pygmy-Chariot , I at first mistook for an over-grown Masty ; but viewing him narrowly , found him the extract ( by his shape ) of a Scotch-Hobby ; well , up I mounted , but could not invent a name for the manner of my riding , for I was neither coacht nor carted , but I fancyed my self ( and that justly ) as I was riding , to be some notorious Malefactor drawn on a Sledge to the place of execution , which afterwards experimentally I found Dublin to be : many of its Inhabitants call this City Divlin , quasi Divels Inn , & very properly it is by them so termed ; for there is hardly a City in the world that entertains such variety of Devils Imps as that doth . If any knavishly break , murder , rob , or are desirous of Polygamy , they straightway repair thither , making that place , or the Kingdom in general , their Azylum , or Sanctuary . My first care was to plant my self conveniently ; the next day I sent for a Barber to shave all my hair off , ordering him to bring me a Periwigg of an absolute contrary colour to my own hair , to the intent , that if I should meet with any of my former acquaintance , they might not know me , whereby I should prevent their sending notice to any where I was . The truth of it is , in this disguize I hardly knew my self . The greatest difficulty I found , was to make my self familiar with my fictitious name . At first when my Landlady called me by that name , I either star'd her in the face , or lookt behind me , ( not answering thereunto ) thinking she had spoke to some man else : but had I not pretended to be thick of hearing , and so that way apologizing for my silence , my design might have been marr'd . I daily met with several I knew , but would not take the least cognizance of them . In this manner I spent a moneth , but all this while no tidings of my Goods and Money ; that which I had brought with me was all consumed . My Landlady ( as it is customary there , having as little trust or faith as they have Religion ) called upon me for what I owed her . For a little while I stopt her mouth , by telling her I had a considerable quantity of Goods and Mony too coming , which I expected by every fair wind . A little while after I heard the Ship in which they were was cast away . Now did I absolutely conclude Gods just judgement attended my fraud and knavery . My loss I did not in the least discover to any , knowing I should reap at first only some pitty , and afterwards be undervalued & and disrespected . My Hostess again , was very importunate with me to have her Reckoning : I endeavoured to put her off , saying , I expected daily Bills of Exchange ; but she would not believe me ; for I perceived that she had been often cheated with such delusions . Now did I not know what to do : I thought good to try another way ; she being a Widdow , I fancyed I could work upon her Female frailty : I used all means possible to get her alone ; which I did but seldom , and then did I make use of all my Rhetorick to perswade her into a belief , how dearly I loved her ; she replyed little , but would laugh at me till she held her sides again . I verily believe she understood my drift , which I might argue from her expressions . Sometimes she would say , Come , come , away with these love-fooleries , and pay me what you owe. Then would I tell her all I enjoyed , and my self too , were properly hers , and that she might take them when she pleased into her possession . No , no , she would say , my youthfull days are past , and it is time for me to look Heavenwards ; wherefore let fall your suit , &c. Since words would no ways prevail , I resolved to try something else , knowing how difficult it is for a Woman when in bed to refuse a Venereal proffer . To that purpose one night I came softly into her Chamber , and groping with my hand for her face , I caught a man by the Beard : at which he awaked , and thinking the Devil was come to trim him , or rob him of his Wash-balls , would have cryed out aloud , but that fear had so lockt up his voice , that his highest note was little louder then whispering ; I could but just hear him say , In the name of — what art ? I am , said I , ( and then she wak'd too ) no Ghost , but a living witness of your leachery , to that intent I came hither to be fully satisfied of what I have a long time suspected . As for you Madam , your youthful days are past , but your lust will endure for ever . If this be your way to Heaven , why were you so uncharitable as not to let me go along with you ? As for your part , Sir , I believe that you are traveling that way too ; for if I mistake not , you lately came out of Purgatory . To be short , they both intreated me to be silent , and retire to my own lodging , and that in the morning they would treat with me to my full satisfaction . This was what I aimed at , though brought about otherwise then intended . Early they both came to me : the pious Gentlewoman being very tender of her credit , would forgive me my Debt , if I would not blemish her reputation by my report ; her Gallant gave me ten pieces to bind the bargain : having gotten a discharge under her hand , I sealed our contract with an Oath and faithful promise never to divulge their shame . The Gentleman ( though his estate much exceeded hers ) out of spight , I think , or vexation , to be so caught , incontinently married her , though all former sollicitations ( which I understood were many ) proved ineffectual . CHAP. XXV . He is driven to extreme necessity ; he describes what it is to be indigent , by what he suffered in that condition . THis ten pound I received from my old leacherous Dotard , made its Exit almost assoon as its entrance into my Pocket : by that sum I thought to have purchased Mountains in Ireland ( and indeed there is too great plenty of them there , ) by gaming ; but experience told me afterwards that my design was hazardous , and so it proved , for I met with a person that bubbled me at Hazard , not leaving me a penny , and ingaged besides for my proportion of the Reckoning . My Gamester dealt too hardly with me , yet it was but just , for I intended to show him as little favour , if compell'd to lye at my mercy , which I verily thought would be , having various Utensils about me to that purpose , but I was overmatcht . Ithought my self secure , for I could top , By which I 've forc'd some ●…its to leave their shop . I palm'd , and put the change upon them too ; I only studyed how I might undo . But now I 'm met with , 't is but just I see , That he which others cheats , should cheated be . I returned to my Lodging , ( which was none of the best ) with what anxiety and perturbation of mind I shall give any looser leave to imagine , whilst the remembrance thereof enforceth me to speak ; and I hope the Reader will give me that liberty , since the Proverb intaileth on the looser that priviledge . I acquainted my Landlord with my misfortune , who seem'd very much to condole me for the present , but it was afterwards the occasion of his not crediting me . From hence I will advise all to speak as little as they can of ills that betide them ; but we cannot discourse too much of the good that happens to us . Perceiving my Landlord grew cold , my spirit was too high to be any longer beholding to him but for my Lodging ; wherefore I feldom came home till night . Neither would I make known my condition to any that knew me . Sometimes I should meet with some in the street , who would ask me to drink with them : my usual answer was , I came from it but even now : insisting farther , that such a Gentleman , with two or three more besides my self had drank so much , and that I admired at my self , for being so sober ; whereas to deal ingeniously , I had not drank one drop that day . Another seeing me , would ask me whether I would dine with him at the Ordinary ? then would I pretend that my Lord — Gentleman over-perswaded me to dine with him , and that we had such variety , that I doubted my stomack had received some detriment thereby ; and therefore beg'd an excuse ; whereas a dry crust taken out of my Leather Cupboard was all the varieties the Gentleman-Usher of my stomack , my throat I mean , had taken cognizance of that day . So hard it was too , that I would look this way , and that way , not daring to commit it to the engine of my Chops , unless there was none near me within a furlong ; for had there been any near me , they would have sworn I was eating Walnuts shells and all . Now did I learn to drink Water , which necessity made me to commend as the most soveraign liquor , and most suitable to the body of man ; otherwise Adam in Paradice would not have been without a cup of Ale. Every morning I offer'd up my Devotions either to St. Patrick , or St. James , each of which have two excellent Wells dedicated to the honour of their Saintships . Thither did I repair constantly twice or thrice a day : after I had offered up the fumes of smoke ( most commonly of none of the best Tobacco ) I kneeled , not using the common way of drinking out of the chained iron dish , but with greater a doration suckt it as it came through the conveyance . After a walk to Kilmanum ( about a mile from Dublin ) or some other place to prepare my stomack , I return'd to Christ-Church , frequently dining there with Sir Richard Strang-bow : Reflecting on his Cheer , and the Liquor of those two Saints , I cannot but tell you my thoughts of both . Sir Richard Strang-bow keeps an house where Wine And Bread some sup on , but few seldom dine . Ask yet an hungry Rambler , and he 'll say , ( Though not one bit came near his mouth that day ) He plentifully din'd with him , so let him still Till he hath found his empty belly fill , Where I ne're could , which made me hate in fine Sir Richard Strang-bows Feasts , St. Patricks Wine . I fasted so long , I had now almost forgot how to eat : for if casually I came where meat was , I often made a proffer to convey something to my mouth , but my lips understood not my meaning ; for having been so long unaccustomed to their duty , knew not how to perform their gaping office . It was impossible at this time for the greatest fright to have made me foul my breeches , because I seldom used any thing that might cause excrements . And therefore I wondred to hear any enquire for an house of Office , since I had now left off going to stool . Once in five days I thought I stood in need of evacuating ; but I was mistaken , for by discharging a blast of wind ( whose fury seattered small stones underneath me ) I found it only a fit of the Cholick . I shall deal plainly , should I have found a propensity , I would have been very unwilling to let any thing go out , since so little past into my belly . Some Moveables I had left , which I was forced to dispose of , to keep the passage of my guts open , which would frequently grumble against my stomach for detaining too long what was received , challenging a propriety therein . I thought it good policy not to buy any Belly-timber of a quick concoction , because it should stay the longer within me . To this purpose I lookt on old Cheese to be food convenient ; knowing that though it will disgest any thing else , yet it cannot disgest it self ; and as it closeth up the mouth of the stomack , so by its respective quality it looks up fat●… the Postern of the Micro-cosm . Flesh again ( if I got any ) I would swallow by whole-sale , fearing left by chewing it , my stomack would too suddenly give it a passport to my Hypo-gastrium ; by which means it would be immediately ready again , nay restless in the craving more . I seldom slept for the gnawing of my stomack , & the anguish of my guts , and for want of those fumes which proceeding from Meat ascended into the head , and so the causers of sleep . If I chanced to nod at any time , I dreamed of nothing but eating , my fancy feeding that while as voraciously as an hunger-starved hound on a shoulder of Mutton . I was driven to that pass , I could not justly tell whether I was alive or not . Sometimes I was of the opinion that I dyed in our Ship-wrack on the Isle of Man , and that I was now a Soul in Purgatory . Immediately after my arrival in this place , the Itch and Bunniah , or Flux , ( the two grand Epidemical distempers of Ireland ) gave me their wellcome into their Country , attended by a great number of six-footed Gent. clad in a gray livery , with one single list down the back ; who all promised to stick to me & be my bosomes friends , neither would they forsake me as long as life lasted . But they like the rest of the best and fairest promising friends left me , when fortune committed me prisoner to the merciless cruel hands of that accursed Goaler , Poverty . I was grown so lean , that the Mungril Scotch and Irish Gentleman the Itch , finding not flesh enough to feed on , gave me the French Complement , Adieu pouvre Gentilhome . The Flux staid with me as long as any thing was left in my belly , but finding no substance from my Guts , took his leave also , unkindly carrying away all that was within me . Their retinue perceiving they were like to feed on hard meat , there being little left but bones , whose teeth were incapable of fastning thereon , resolv'd to follow after ; some making more then ordinary haste , broke their necks off the Cape of my Cloak , missing their footing , the threads thereof being spun out by time as fine as those of Arachnes working . To conclude , I was a meer walking Skeleton , my skin only serv'd as a mantle for my bones . But for wind , my belly would have contradicted an approved Philosophical Axiome , proving a Vacuum . One time passing by the Castle-gate , a Souldier fir'd his Musquet , and I protest methought my belly sounded like a Drum at the report . Should I relate every particular wherein the malevolenoie of Fortune afflicted me , I should much tire the Reader , as well as perplex my self with remembrance ; wherefore I shall desist , and give you leave to imagine the deplorableuess of his condition , who hath neither Monies , Friends , nor Credit , and in a place where he is neither acquainted with the people , nor their Language . CHAP. XXVI . He falling accidentally into a strange house , endeavours to build a Sconce , but is frustrated of his intent . The old Hostess pities him at first , and relieves him , and continually after feeds him for her own peculiar Diet ; further insisting on the mifery he then endured . I Was by this time grown so feeble by fasting , or by the manner of my feeding , which was either Cheese or hard Eggs , ( there being great plenty ) that I could hardly go ; and so light I was by continual smoking , that I questioned often whether I was not a meer fume my self ; fearing still when I walkt abroad , to be extracted by the Sun for an exhalation . Fortune so favour'd me one day , that I found a Groat , which put me into an extasie of joy . I know not what Magical power there was in that vast sum of four pence , for in an instant , not knowing by what means , I found my self in a Victualling-house , so speedy was my conveyance , as if I had been riding some Daemon through the air . I call'd for some meat , but my voice sounded so hollow , as if I had spoken in a vault . Some said , it was the Eccho of some person speaking in the next house : others of the wiser sort believed me to be some Spectrum , or Apparition ; and that the Devil had assum'd a body speaking in that mortuum cadaver . The truth of it is , 't was something hard to determine , whether I spake or no , but that they might perceive my lips to open . There was a Physician in the house at that time , who looking on me narrowly , openly proclaim'd that I was the workmanship of some Mortal , who having first gotten the Skeleton , or bones of a Man , had artificially skin'd them over , and that German Clock-work caus'd my motion . I would have laught heartily at their ridiculous apprehensions , but that I had forgot how . I had some Gall left in me still , which made me start up in as great a rage as my feeble body was able to declare , intending to demonstrate to them how grosly they were mistaken ; but perceiving me to approach , they all fled but Mr. Doctor , whom shame retain'd , otherwise by a fit of an Ague ( which just then possest him ) I knew he would willingly have been gone too . Speak ( said he tremblingly ) what art ? I was somewhat puzled at his question , for I knew not well what I was : I am a living man , said I. Why then thou wouldst have flesh , said he . After several discourses to this purpose , I at length made him partly believe that I was no such thing he imagined . And yet he would be asking me still a many impertinent questions , as whether I could fee ; and his reason was , because he could discern no eyes . Whether I was born without eyes , or lost them since accidentally , &c. I was forced to tell him at last that it was the Country disease that had reduced me to this condition . Hearing me say so , he pitied me much , and told me he would fetch instantly something that should do me much good . I thankt him , and away went Mr. Doctor . The good Woman over-hearing our discourse drew neer then confidently , and demanded what I would have ? I told her , any thing which was eatable , as far as a groat would go . She brought me some hot Meat , and setting it before me , went for some drink , but before she could return I had swallowed it all : she fetcht me more , which went the same way with as much celerity . But like Quick-silver it wrought quite through me , not staying a quarter of an hour . The manner whereof was thus : About to pay my Reckoning , my Groat got into a piece of paper ; I fumbled a great while in my pocket , but found it not , which put me even to my wits ends . At last drawing out some papers , and shaking them my Groat dropt ; perceiving its fall might be dangerous , there being many holes in the Floor , I catcht after it ; notwithstanding it fell upon the very brink of an hole ; what with hast to recover it , and the fright the danger put me into , I discharged my self of every bit I had eaten . There was no body could say , I had fouled my Breeches , or that I stunk ; which I made appear to my Landlady by showing her what I had evacuated , but little differing from what I had eaten a quarter of an hour before . The good old woman perswaded me strongly to eat it again ; for said she , it cannot be much the worse for just passing through you , and I will fry it if you please . I thought I should now have dyed with laughter at her strange proposition ; but the woman star'd upon me , not knowing whether I grin'd or laught . Well , well , said she at last , if you will not eat such good victuals , some body else shall . I offer'd her my Groat , which she refus'd , telling me there was as much more to pay ; I told her that was all the moneys I had about me , and that I would pay her the rest the next day . But she for her part thought it was unjust , To listen to the arguments of trust . And therefore told me plainly she would have her Reckoning . I bid her stay a while : then assoon as she had turned her back I attempted to march off , but my strength failing me , I wanted swiftness , and so was brought back . I made her acquainted with my condition how miserable it was ; I needed not many arguments to persuade any into that belief , for my person was the true Embleme of misery . She gave a serious attention to what I exprest , and at last melted into tears , commiserating my misfortunes ; she caus'd instantly a bed to be warm'd , where being laid , she ordered a Cawdle to be made , & in fine shew'd a world of kindness to me , not imagining what she aim'd at . She would not let me stir out of my Bed but whilst it was making , for above a week ; at the conclusion of which I began to recover a little colour in my cheeks , & grew indifferent strong ; she gave me moneys in my Pocket , & told me I must walk into the fields with her . I blest my self , and that Angel that directed my feet to the finding that lost groat which was the occasion of my restitution to a condition of living again . By this time I imagined what my old Gentlewoman expected : wherefore , in the first place I acknowledged how much I was obliged to her matchless civilities , and that it was impossible for me to return her answerable satisfaction . Rowling her pretty Piggs-eyes to and fro in her head , I require ( said she ) nothing but your Love. If it must needs be so ( thought I ) there is no way better then to let fancy form her beautiful , and so by the force of imagination I shall injoy as much pleasure as if lying with Venus , though in Conjunction with this Succubus . We us'd not many ceremonies , ( like puling-whining Lovers , that are always saying Grace , but never fall to ) but taking the convenience of a Ditch underneath a bushy-topt hedge we conferred notes . Had any seen us in this posture , they would have concluded old Winter metamorphosed into an old Woman lying in a Dike , and that Flora was converted into a young man , and both in an unnatural Conjunction . Or that youthful Phoebus had contracted his rays to court a lump of Ice , but with shame was forced to desist , finding his powerful endeavours ineffectual in the production of a thaw . Whenever I wanted a small sum , a kiss or two , or the saying I loved her , extracted so much as supplied my present occasions ; if I wanted a sum considerable , why then a quarter of an hours discourse in private effected my desires . Most that knew me wondred what politick stratagems I us'd that I so suddenly wound my self out of that Labyrinth of all sorts of miseries , & that I appeared both in feature and garb so excentrick to my former condition . I had as many pretences to blind the world as there were various suspitions of pragmatick persons . In short , I was now very well apparell'd , well furnisht with moneys , I kept my Horse , nay my Whor●… too ; this I made use of for what she was , the other for what she had . So seemingly happy was the present state of my life , that I deem'd it impossibly unalterable by any decree of fate . CHAP. XXVII . He makes a Ramble into the Country , takes some Observations as be travelleth ; and is soundly beaten for attempting to board a small Irish Pinnace . I Began now to be somewhat weary of the City , and therefore resolved to refresh my self with the Country Air. I acquainted my Patroness therewith ; who with much regret condescended , conditionally two days should be the utmost time of my absence . That morning I set forth , there was such solemn leave taken between us , as if my voyage had been intended for the Indies . About to amount , she retrived my intentions , clasping me in her arms ; I should rather have chosen the imbraces of a she-Bear , as thinking her breath far sweeter ; and truly I have often wondred at my recovery in so impure and unwholsom air . Being on Horse-back she so bathed her Cheeks with tears ( wanting no moisture , derived from an everlasting spring of humours distilling from her head ) that you would have sworn she was the representation of the Pig-woman in Ben's Bartholomew fair . Had not her watry Flood-gates drowned her eyes , I think she would have stood looking after me that way I rid till my return . Well , there is no fool like the old doting fool : And were I again to love for interest , I would choose such a person . Your young skittish things that onely mind their pleasures , think they have done a man a courtesie that merits reward , if they admit him into their private samiliarity , because they find fond man so passionate and impatient in the prosecution of his desires : And then again , having variety of Courtiers , they are too sensible , that if one w●…ll not meddle with the bait , a second will nibble at it so long till he is caught with the hook . Whereas a woman stricken in years , and having lost her beautiful allurements is disregarded , & lookt on as no fit subject for love to treat on ; not but the may have as youthful desires as any ; and if that way inclin'd , none so prone as she . For knowing she hath nothing but her wealth to attract withal , she will freely part with it for her self-satisfaction ; and that she may not loose her Stallion , constantly encourage him even to the exhausting of what she hath . Moreover , finding the man to answer her expectations , she studies all ways imaginable how to please him in every thing , that he may please her in that one thing . But to my purpose : coming to Balle-mor●…-Eustace , a little beyond the Town , ( which is in the County of Wicklow ) there is a small River in the Summer-time not above knee-deep ; I perceived a young woman about to cross it ; drawing to the water , she stood not on the niceties of modesty , but pulled up her Cloaths to the wast . The sight hereof stopt me , and as near as I could opposite to her . She minded me not , but came straight over to me , and at about three yards distance let down her Coats . I observed so many excellencies that my blood began to boyl , and myflesh was all of a flame . For her hair which naturally curled , and was plaited , was of a bright flaxen , each hair in the Sun glittered like a thred of Gold. Here take notice by the way , that the Maids for the most part , Winter & Summer , go without any coverings on their head , which they wash all over every night ; the meaner sort assoon as married wear Kerchers . She had an Angelical countenance , onely somewhat brownish by the Suns frequent kissing of it ; I know not whether I may adjudge that a deformity . The skin of her body might vye with Snow for whiteness , &c. I dismounted , & addrest my self to her in English ; she answered me in her own language , she understood me not : Then did I make use of that little Irish I had learned , which were some fragments of lecherous expressions , to which she replied , but I understood her not . To be brief , I so far prevailed that I got her into a small Wood , in which the thick & spreading tops of the trees seemed to lay their heads together in conspiracy to keep not only the Suns entry , but also the curious search of any mortals eye . She permitted me to kiss , dally , lay my hands on her thigh , &c. which were the only Preludiums of what should follow . But herein I mistook , for their dispositions are much different from the English. We use to say , that where we gain over any woman the liberty to use the hand , we cannot fail of doing what we most desire : whereas quite contrary they will without the least opposition permit the first , but with the greatest difficulty admit of the last . For assoon as she saw me ready to engage , she cryed out incessantly , Whillallalloo ; and presently I could hear this ululation ecchoed . I had just recovered my Horse , when two or three fellows came running to me , the one with a Flail , the rest with long Poles . The first salutation I received was from the Flail , which failed but little of doing my business : the next my Horses Crupper received ; the poor beast being civilly bred , could do no less then return them a Congee with his leg , which made one of them fall on his knees to his Master , as if he had been Monarch of that Soil . These two Rogues stood stiffly to me , insomuch that I knew not what course to take . The Villains were so nimble , that one of them was continually before me hindring my slight , whilst the other drub'd me forward . I bethought my self of a Pistol I had in my Pocket charged without a bullet ; I drew it , presented , and pretended I would fire if they desisted not ; for these stupid fellows apprehended not the danger : perceiving how stupidly senseless they were , I fir'd it full in the sace of him that fronted me , who verily believ'd he had been shot , & so out of conceit ( for they are naturally very timerous ) fell down as dead ; the other seeing that , ran away as swift as lightning , whereby I had leave to ride on , which I did ( you may think ) with no ordinary speed . Lovers may talk of their sufferings by their Mistress frowns , or obdurateness , but let any one judge of mine by the blows I received ; sighing is nothing to fighting , and a few tears are not to come in competition with dry basting . Pox on them they made me out of conceit with love for six weeks after . I never thought of enjoying a woman since ; but the remembrance of those three Bog-trotters converted the hot fit of my amorous Fever into a cold one . A little way from Baltinglass I took up my quarters for that night . The Inn I lay in was one story high , about the height of an extraordinary Pigsty , and there was one Chinney in it too , more then there is to be found in one of an 100 such Hovils . The good man well-com'd me after his fashion , but I think an Anthropophagus or Indian Man-eater would have done it as civily . I bid him set up my Horse by signs , ( for that was the language we converst in ) but alass there was no other Stable but what was at the end of our Kitchin ; our Dining-room , Bed-chamber , Pigsty , Pantry and Buttery , being all one , without distinction or separation . Some few Wattles ( as they call them ) were placed above , that was our Hay-loft . The onely door of our Inn was a large hurdle , much like a sheep-pen . The Bann●…ttee or good wife of the house , could speak a little broken English. I askt her what I should have for Supper ? Thou shalt have a Supper said she for St. Patrick a gra . I staid an half hour expecting when she would lay down something to the fire , but instead thereof she brings me in a Wooden Platter a great many Leeks , in the bottom whereof was a good quantity of Bay-salt , and withal a loaf as black as if the Meal had been wetted with Ink. Seest tou tere , Chreest himself nor St. Patrick did ever eat better ting . I could not forbear smiling , which put her into a great passion : For if a man eats not what they set before him , they think themselves highly affronted . Because I would please them ( not knowing but that I might find as bad sawce here ) I pretended to eat , conveying it into my Boots . After supper I askt them for a clean Pipe ; the woman brought me one about an inch long , telling me it was very clean , for her Husband had not smoakt in it above ten times . I judged it to be the ruines of the first Pipe that was made , which was conveyed from one of that famility to another , conditionally they should constantly smoke in it without burning it . They offered me some snuff too ; which is one of the greatest kindnesses they can either show or be shown . I called for some drink , ( to try whether that corresponded with the rest ) and so it did , for there was no swallowing it without chewing . Finding but little satisfaction I desired to go to Bed. That I should instantly , they said , but I wondred where they intended to lay me . In a little while in came a lusty wench with a bundle of rushes on her head , my bed it seemed by the sequel , which she spreading on the ground , covered them with a Caddow or Rugg . Here I must lye or no where , patience was my onely comfort ; wherefore stripping my self to my drawers and Stockins , I laid my self down . About two hours after came in two Cows , three or four Piggs , some Ducks and Geese , ( which they brought not in before , out of civility to me . ) All their family being within doors ; the good Man , his Wife , and two Daughters , stripping themselves stark naked , lay down altogether by my side , which seem'd somewhat strange to me . I could hardly forbear the two young ones , but that my late misfortune was so fresh in my memory . I could not sleep all that night , wherefore very early I discharged my Reckoning , and so set forward for Dublin with all the expedition I could , not liking the Country-entertainment . I would not ride the same way back as I came , to avoid my bone-breakers ; but it had been as well ; for coming to a River that I must foard , I askt a fellow which was the safest place : he pretended no knowledge of what I said , wherefore making signs to him , he answer'd me again with his hand , directing me to such a place ; at the first step my Horse and I plunged over head and ears ; and had not my Horse been strong , we had both perished . With much difficulty we got up the bank on the other side , and looking behind me , the villain was e'ne almost out of fight . Such causeless revenge they frequently exercise towards the English , naturally hating us with a perfect antipathy . I returned at length to my old Hostess , resolving when next I undertook such a journey , I would steer by the compass of other mens experience . CHAP. XXVIII . The manner of his stealing an Hogshead of French Wine from the Custom-house . TRacing the street , I chanced to cast my eye on a fellow , the flowness of whose pace informed me of the idleness of his condition . His garb was so preposterously unsuitable , that a man could not possibly look on him without excessive laughter . To the intent you may participate with me in the same sport , I shall open his Wardrobe . In general there was not any thing he did wear that had not some times another property , & of which one might derive another Pedigree . The Hat he had on was devested of all Royal Dignity , having lost its Crown , and yet his crime would not be allowed of as Capital . But what it wanted in one place was supplied in another , the brims whereof being so large , they might have conveniently served as a Pent-house for another besides himself . But this ingenious Squire politickly had pin'd up the brims on one side , that he might have some light to discern his way ; his Hat thus pin'd up on the one side lookt much like a trap-door pull'd up . His Band was so torn and dirty , as if he had but just come from some fray ; and lest passion should prove obnoxious , time had done him that courtesie to purge away his choler . In what condition his Doublet was behind , I could plainly discover through the holes of his Cloak , which generally was so transparent , that the rents and patches of several colours of his cloaths were as visible as if you had lookt through Lawn . The forepart of his Doublet and his Breeches I am confident were the off-spring of the Furniture of a Billiard-Table . His Cloak proceeded from a Boat-tilt , whose Grandfather was an Horse-cloth ; and I could not look on his Breeches , but it put me in mind of the Scotch Flaggs that hung up●… Westminster . His skirts were so liquor'd and greas'd , that in case of extremity they might have served for belly-pieces , not using any thing but their own fatness to fry them in By his countenance be seemed like a man of courage and ingenuity , and so I could not chuse but endeavour his relief . Wherefore I accosted him , pretending I had seen him somewhere , but could not for the present call to mind the place . His necessity made him assent to whatever I said ; and defiring his company to an Ale-house , he readily granted my request . By what unhappy accident he became thus miserable , I know not , but the man was well furnisht both with natural and acquir'd parts . Having had various discourses of several matters , and that we began to be familiarly acquainted , I askt him why he rapt himself up so close in his Cloak ? O Sir , said he , ( to be plain ) I have a maim'd Doublet , and I have heard some say , there is nothing more prejudicial to a wound than the intromission of Air ; which that Network garment of yours ( said I ) will never be able to keep out . He replyed , 'T is true , Sir , I find it so , but I wish it were a Net , for then I might employ my self by fishing . I was so well pleased in my new acquaintance , that ( bidding him stay there till my return , which should be speedy ) I went and procured him all things necessary for to cover his nakedness ; the last thing he put on was his Shoes ; finding them to have Soals , they added new life to him . Having thus cast ( Colt-like ) his ragged Coat , I was not ashamed to walk with him in the streets ; coming to the Custom-house we saw several Pipes and Hogsheads of Wine . Viewing all the places belonging thereunto , said I , Methinks it is no difficult matter to steal one of these Hosheads , had I but assistance . You shall not want mine , Sir , ( said he ) even to the hazard of my life , which I shall never look on as a sufficient requital for this singular favour you have now conferr'd on me . Having walkt there a while , we went down to a place called Lazy hill , where I found out two or three pure Rogues more , one whereof had a Boat. I informed them of my design ; they willingly promised their helping hand , and the time appointed for the effecting our intentions , was that night about twelve . Accordingly we all met , and having procured an empty Hogshead , we fill'd it with water , and away we went in the Boat. The tide ebbing had left dry ground underneath the Key , where I planted three of our company , instructing them that assoon as they found the Coast cleer above , they should with slings ( which they had for that purpose ) leave the Hogshead of water , & exchange it for one of wine ; which done , they should march off immediately . I and my new Comerade marcht up the Custom-house stairs , where we encountred with two old Watchmen . They askt us what our business was , we told them we had no other design but to drink with them , having been a little frolicksome the other side the water . The old Watchmen were very joyful at this news , and so giving one of them money to fetch some drink , the other carried me to the Lodge . The drink being come , they minded that so much , they had forgotten their duty ; & I played them so close with whole ones , that they were incapable of holding one more : in the mean time my Comrogues were gone , pretending our boat was a drift : we took our leaves ; Being five of us concerned , we scorned to sell our Wine , but contracting with some to find Sugar , with others Westphalia hams , or such like relishing meats , and with others to be at the expence of Musick , but every one to be at his own charge for Wenches ; we never gave over ranting and roaring till we had dreined the Hogshead dry . CHAP. XXIX . His Landlady dyeth , and so is left again to live by his wits ; his Comerade is hanged , with some hints of his desperate , irreligious , and atheistical tenents . IN the height of our jollity , word was brought me that my Landlady was dangerously sick , and that she desired to speak with me instantly ; thinking it was onely a sit of lecherous and salacious itch , I made no great haste , but at length I went : Assoon as I entred within her doors , I received the sad tydings of her death . I ran up stairs ( not believing this report , because I would not have it so ) but found it too true : viewing her as she lay , I perceived her hand fast clincht : I took it into mine , and wrenching it open , there dropt ten pieces of Gold , which I conceive she intended to have bestowed on me whilest living , as her last Legacy . I conveyed them privately into my Pocket , and presently made enquiry how she had disposed of her Estate ; but I received little or no satisfaction herein , only to my great vexation , I heard she often to the very last called much upon me . I stayed not above two or three days in the house , but I was forced to leave it . I met with my obliged friend , to whom I communicated my late misfortune : he like an experienc'd Stoick counsel'd me to bear my loss patiently , since that is below a man to repine at any sublunary casualty , much more to sink under the burden of any vexations cross , or remediless loss . We discoursed what expedient we were best to take , and to encrease our small stocks by some witty exploit . We propounded many things which we approved not of . We thought of turning Highway-men ; but I disswaded him from that , by informing him that money was very scarce , and that men of 500 l. per annum usually travelled 30 or 40 miles with a single Cob , or piece of eight , not so much for fear of robbing as for want of Coyn ; and that is the reason that all sorts of provision are very cheap , because there is so great a scarcity of that should purchase them . Why then said he , there is mony enough in the Exchequer . But said I , it is so difficult to come at , that I will not hazard my life in the attempt . Hearing me speak in this manner , he lookt upon me in derision : saying , That fear was a passion unworthy to be lodg'd in the Soul of man , and that there is nothing here which a man either should or need to fear , Secundum Religionem Stoici : And that man deserved not the fruition of the least happiness here , that would not , rather then go without it , venture his neck . We had so hot a contest about this , that we parted in anger , and never saw him afterwards till I heard of his condemnation , which was occasioned by the prosecution of what he propounded to me . Two or three more besides himself combined to rob the Exchequer , but were apprehended in the enterprize , committed , arraigned at the Bar , convicted and condemned . Hearing hereof , I gave him a visit in Prison ; expressing much sorrow for what he was to suffer : but he onely laught at me for my pains . I des●…'d him to be more serious , since three dayes would put a period to his life ; and then he must give an account of what he had done on earth , and that though we might sooth up our selves in all manner of debauchery here , yet without cordial repentance we must suffer for it hereafter , Prethee , said he , do not trouble thy head with such idle fancies , and so break out into Atheistical mocks and expostulations , not fit to be mentioned ; and would have proceeded , but I desir'd him to desist . Now his prophane and irreligious discourse did so bore my glowing ears , that notwithstanding the wickedness of my own nature , I could not endure to hear him blaspheme ; wherefore instead of endeavouring to rectifie his erroneous judgement , ( for to speak the truth , my knowledg at that time was but slender in the doctrine of Christianity ) I say I durst not discourse longer , but left him to his own Conscience for conviction , which I judg'd would be powerful with him at the place of Execution . The day being come , I resolved to see the final end of my friend . And there did I enjoy the fruits of my hopes and wishes . For as soon as the Halter was about his neck he roared so loud with his voice , that it could not but awake the most lethargick conscience that ever the Devil lull'd asleep . There I might see and know by the urinal of his eyes , and the water standing therein , what convulsion fits his soul suffer'd , his own mouth confessing how greivously his diseased soul was stretched upon the rack of despair : then it was that the voluminous Registers of his conscience , which did formerly lye claps'd in some unsearcht corner of his memory , were laid open before him , and the Devil , who hitherto gave him the lessening end of the prospect to survey his licentious courses and damned opinion , now turned the magnifying end to his eye , which made him cry out at last for mercy and so was turn'd off . CHAP. XXX . He passeth for a'Batchellor , Courts several under the pretence of Marrying them , by which he perswades some out of their Maiden-heads ; others out of their Money , with which he goes for England ; At Chester he cheats his Lanllord , where having all things requisite to compleat an High way-man , followeth that trade , he is met with by some of that gang , who intending to rob him he discovers his intentions , and they admit of him into their society . BEing left now to shift for my self , having lost the main prop that sustain'd me in all conditions , husbanding well the advantage of this contrary wi●…d , I presen●…y set the engine of my brain to work , and thus it was ; I addrest my self to Courtship . Beauty was not the mark I aimed , the purchase thereof producing little profit , since it self is most commonly the sole reward ; neither can a man attain to it but by great expence outvying all therein , least any interpose . Either wealthy and aged widdows , or thrifty Maids , who had laid up what they had gotten in Service as a bait to procure an Husband , such did I daily hunt out and visit by turns . I was not sparing of amorous expressions , showing therein the height of zeal , by which means I deluded several . Some I was forced to give earnest to for their Goods before they would trust me with what they had . This course I followed till I was generally taken notice of for a grand deceiver . Having now gotten a round sum of money by me , I borrowed where ever I could , so crossing S. Georges Channel , in twenty four hours I landed at Chester . I took up my quarters in a very graceful Inn , and gave out immediately that I had an hundred head of Cattel ooming . The Master of the house taking notice of my extraordinary Garb , and believing the report which I had caus'd to be spread abroad , lodg'd me with much respect in one of the best Chambers of his house . The Wind favoured my design as much as I could desire , for it blew East-North-East , by which no Shipping could come out of Ireland . One day I came to my Landlord , and telling him that by reason of the non arrival of my Cattel , I was disappointed of Moneys , and therefore I desired him to lend me ten pounds and he should satisfie himself in the first choice of the best of my beasts when they came , and swore to him I would perform my promise to him upon the word of a Gentleman . So that without any scruple he lent me the money . Being Market day I bought an excellent Gelding with Fur●…iture thereunto belonging , with Sword and Pistols , and in this Equipage mounted , I taking my leave of my credulous Landlord , without speaking a word to him . I had not r●…d far before three well mounted rid by me , ( I found them afterwards to be the Van-guard ) having as many more in the Rear . At the bottome of an Hill they before faced about , and bidding me stand , those in the Rear reinforc'd the Van. One of them clapping a Pistol at my breast , commanded me forthwith to deliver , Sweraing three or four full mouth'd Oaths . I saw it was now to little purpose to resist although I was so well arm'd , and therefore endeavou●…ed a conquest some other way , viz. by smooth expressions . Gentlemen ( said I ) ye are all mistaken ; neither do I greatly wonder thereat , since I verily belie●…e ye are fresh men , men of a days standing in the study of this noble Science otherwise you might have distinguisht me from an honest man ; for I think in thi●… Garb and posture , I look as suspitiously as any of ye ; onely I think I take a better course when ye to avoid apprehension , and ●…eap to my self greater satisfaction . For ye rob in companies , and if any one be taken his just fears frequently betray himself , but of●…ner the rest to destruction : whereas I robbing singly . I rob securely . Now Sirs ●…eely examine my Pockets , where finding store of Coyn , they demanded how I came by it ? I invented a lye to their general satisfaction ; which was , I had met with a Booty a little before I met with them , which was the occasion of my being so well furnisht , but that which confirm'd them most was my be●…ng so well provided with Pistols in my Holsters , Pockets and Boots . Instead of doing what they intended , they were then of another opinion , and all of them carest me in a very high manner ; resolving to be merry at the next Inn , and there to admit me as a Brother , Having set up their Horses , they went into a Room before , whil'st I stayed sometime after for the benefit of easing nature ; coming in among them I thought my self mistaken in my company , & made a proffer to go out again ; but they laughing heartily called me back . I knew not one person , for they had pull●…d off their false Beards , Vizards , Hoods , Patches , Wens , Mufflers and Perriwigs , together with those other disguises that obscured the natural proportion of their faces , so that they appear'd as other men . Come said the cheif ( as I guest him to be by the sway he bore over the rest ) you are a freshman , and therefore want some of our instructions , which in due time you shall receive from us . In the first place it is fit that you take an Oath which every young Theif must observe that is admitted into the Brother-hood , or at his investation into the honour of one of the Knights of the Road : which was to this effect , First , they read a charge of sec●…ecy , that what ever misf●…ortune happened to cloud their freedom by rendring them as an object to Justice and the Law , they should concea●… their Complices to the death , or against any other jeopardy whatsoever , burying in oblivion not only his Confederates , but also his manner of entrance into this way . And further , they proceeded to swear me , that if the Judges should press me to a discovery of particulars , that then I must cunningly create some men in my fancy , devising not only Names , but to each man a particular feature , describing their stature , complexion and age , as also their dwelling place . Still provided that the place of their abode be far enough off . And then before enquiry be made , the danger of the tryal may be over or past : and then again this pretended discovery may purchase favour from the Bench. Further , if I should be examined , why , and how I fell into these courses , I must then tell them that I was born a Gentleman , and well educated , but being a younger brother , I had not where withal allowed me for a subsistance , and rather then I would live beneath my birth , or disparage the stock from whence I came ( here fetching a deep sigh and looking very sadly ) necessity constraining me to supply my wants , I fell into these wicked courses , which will make them think you are some misled young man whom temptations had drawn aside , and so cause them to take pity of your condition ; and if their mercy extend to the remission of your guilt , it shall not only rest you from the punishment of the Law , but from the persecution of your past evils . By this means we may have liberty to fall to our old courses ; nor must conscience trouble us but dispence with every impiety , and glory in the greatest iniquities , counting him most honourable who is grown the oldest , and most exquisite , experienced Practitioner of all manner of vice . Much more was committed to my memory for future observation , which for brevity sake I shall omit . CHAP. XXXI . Some Instructions given me by our Grand master Thief . AFter I was sworn , and full bowls of Sack had trou●…d round , our grand Master Thief , composing his Countenance , and looking very gravely , Come my new and young Knight of the Road , be ruled by me whose long experience makes me able to comma●…d , and my love to you willing to instruct you . Ever lurk or lie in some by-place most advantagious and least suspitious which yields the eye the prospect of the Road so strictly view the Booties , that other mens missortunes may enrich your condition , and the honest mans loss be your gain ; and be sure you draw every advantage that may promote your cause to the longest extent . For your Masks and Chin cloth , thus must you place them and fit them at a moment to disguise your faces , thereby to blind the intellects of such as by constraint pay tribute to your wants who then can know and with confiderate heed directly swear you are the man , when these artificial vizards are withdrawn , and so the visible tokens vanish that might inform mens knowledge , what you are , and that your words may have a different sound alter your voice , that so as your habit , face , and haire obscure your discovery ; your speech ( reputed undisguiseable ) will add to your concealment and security . Be sure you ingeniously contrive a Watch-word to your selves that may occasion no suspition ; as we are like to have a fair day or a foul , according as the weather is like to prove , which being nam'd let every man fall to his work , those that are strongest at the grasp , and have hearts accordingly , let them seize first , alwayes duly observing this , to catch the bridle by the left hand , and with the right draw your Sword. If he or they resist , the one prevents his flight , the other cuts , and so cools his courage . The weaker sorts charge is to bid stand , and confronting the Horses head , present a Pistol fit for to discharge . If they deny delivering patiently what they have , but contend , you must wave all nicetie , but cut them soundly ; if that will not qualifie their foolish presumption , be sure you fire not without doing Execution , and then with what speed fly , after you have with expedition taken the pillage of the field . If you are pursu'd by an Hue and Cry , obscure your self in some place or other , and let it pass by you , and then to be sure it will never overtake you , If a prize comes by , or in your sight , if up the Hill meet him , if down follow close at the heels , and having more in company then your self , let each man single out his choice which he likes to deal with , the coast being clear fall up all to your close order and side , be sure that you joyntly seize your prize . But here observe let not any baseness of spirit unman you . For ( speaking to me ) nature hath bestow'd on you the full proportion of limbs , and seem'st a man of courage , suitable to the largeness of thy manly size , but be not surpriz'd with fear or cowardise if the affailed boldly assaults thee . Full fraught with the Documents which I receiv'd from my old experienced Master , I resolv'd upon some atcheivement : between two and three in the afternoon I my self with four more set out ; we planted our selves in a convenient place , only I was sent out for a discoverer , not rightly understanding my trade I wandered too far , but in my digression I met with a single person whom I bid stand , which he would have done , and as willingly have surrendred his purse , but that he was mounted on a stone-horse , I on a Mare . Assoon as I had given the word his stone-horse wheel'd off and came in the rear of me , I thinking he intended to crupper me , endeavoured all wayes imaginable to prevent him , for there was something it seems under my Mares tail more powerful , which at that time I dreamt not of , I led him round and round several times circularly , the poor harmless Gentleman fearing he should provoke me too much by delays , the unruliness of his Horse hindring my seising the Booty , cry'd out worthy Sir , take what I have and spare my life , at that very instant his Horse reared his two fore feet upon me and my Mare , in so much that I thought he said , I 'le take both Life and Money too presently ; fear had then rendred me so incapable of performing the office or a Thief . With that I put spurs to my Mare , and flew through the air for the procuration of my safety . Notwithstanding I made what speed I could , the other was close at my heels , striving and kicking with both my legs , one of my Pistols went off in my Pocket , the apprehension of the present danger had bereft me of the true use of my sense , for I imagined that my back friend had discharged at me , which made me roar out for quarter . He on the contrary concluded I fought Tartar like flying and that I had fired it at him , which made him with much eagerness eccho out with repetition this expression , As you are a man , shew your self merciful . Sometimes he would say for heavens sake hold , good Sir stop , which made me ride more furiously , thinking he called to the Country , hold him , stop him ; at last do what I could , his Stone-horse leapt up upon us , at that instant ( by what means I know not ) we all came headlong to the ground . I expected how that my imaginary adversary would be upon me , and cut my throat before I could recover my legs , wherefore I started up and found my mortal foe up before me and upon the run . I could have hang'd my self to think I should be reckoned among the number of men , and yet want that spirit and courage which compleats a man ; but loosing no time I pursu'd him , and easily made my self possessor of what he had ; Sirrah said I , if e're I meet thee again , and find thee so obstinate , or durst resist , as now thou hast done I will tye thee to a Tree in some obscure place , where none can hear thy doleful cryes , and there for six days thou shall have no other food but what I shall bring thee , Once a day during that term I will visit thee , and each days Meat shall be either a peice of thine own Sword broken into small bits , or those Bullets ( which thou intendest for the destruction of honest men ) dissolv'd and mingled with Gunpowder , which shall be convey'd to thy mouth through the muzzle of thine own Pistol . It pleased me exceedingly to see how pitifully and submissively he look't , for verily I durst not have utter'd half so much if he had shown an austre countenance . As I was framing a lye to delude my Comerades ( when I should meet them ) into a beleif how valiant I was , and dextrous in prosecution of that design I had newly undertaken , I lookt about me and saw them all at my elbow . I now believ'd ( which I easily perceiv'd by their flearing looks ) that they were all eye-witnesses of my dangerous encounter . Oh brother , said one , how i' st , are you well ? I askt him the reason of his impertinent question ? Because , said he , we took notice of the great danger you were in even now , narrowly escaped of being shot by a Pocket Inkhorn . Without doubt , brother , you are very heard hearted to fly ( riding full speed ) at the very naming of , Good Sir be merciful , The poor harmless soul making frequent repetition thereof , but you stopping your ears from all intreaties , his Stone horse seem'd to be his advocate , and to that intent ran after your Mare , endeavouring to court her into an intercession for his Master , I should never have stopt their mouths had I not shew'd them what I had gotten , which was not inconsiderable . It was twy-light as we met with another Prize , which was of a different temper from the former . For though he and his fellow traveller were ( comparatively to any of us ) but Pigmies , yet of so undaunted resolution and unresistable courage , that neither threats of death , or torture ( I am confident ) could dull the edges of their couragious spirits , which might be in part understood by their deportment to us , for had we not slasht , carbonadoed , and forceably bound them , rather then they would have yeilded willingly , they would have stoopt to death . Our power having subdued them , we withdrew them into a secret place , leaving them not any thing valuable . Then did I learn to search with so strickt care , that sooner might the Grand Turk turn Roman Catholick then conceal a penny from me ; here was I taught to be deaf when the poor Traveller cries he is undone ; and to be more flinty then Adamant , not to be mov'd with sighs or tears . Having ingag'd them by Oath not to follow us by Hue and Cry , or by means of a general rising of the Towns adjacent ; these two fellows robbed , rifled and amazed , we left wrapt up in woes , and hasted away to secure our selves . I shall conclude this Chapter with a Relation how I was quit with my Comrades upon the account of fear or timorousness . Neither could they justly tax me with it , since they are things c●…tail'd upon the profession . For every Crow that flies extracts a fear , and every thing that doth but stir , or make the bushes rush , seemb'd to our fearful fancy a Constable to apprehend us for our Theft . I cannot forget how strong a confusion arose amongst us by a triffle , the means were so small , and the occasion so ridiculous , that when after I thought thereon ( though by my self ) I could not forbear laughing excessively , & condemn the t●…merity of such minds so meanly spirited . 'T was thus in short , An Owle who to gain thelter from the troubles of a Sun-shine day , when all the aire tribe ( wandring ) flock to him , screen'd himself in the obscure retired residence of an hollow tree ; no sooner had he cloister'd up himself , but between discontent & something of a pleasing satisfaction he first utter'd his amazing screeks , being in a slumber , and dreaming of the assaults were made at him by his feather'd enemies , of all sorts , and then again awaking , whoopt for joy that he was delivered from them ; thus did he whoop and hollow incessantly , which infus'd such a terrour into our distrustful minds , that Whips Swiches , and Spurs were all too few to expedite our hast . For we absolutely thought those Hollows were the out-cryes of the Country following us for what we had committed . We at length took Sanctuary in an Inn , where we had some interest and confidence in our security . Understanding that our days work had been prosperous , our Host calls lustily for Sack , which the drawer doubles in the Bar , the Hostler must be one of our company too , and hail fellow with us , who knowing what courses we take , presume we dare not cavil , lest they betray our practises . Sic nos non nobis . So we rob for them , and not for our selves ; for by that time we have prosusely frolickt ( a bill whereof shall be brought in of twice as much as we called for ) and have bestowed our largesses to the Servants , and offer'd up our ( expected ) sacrifices to our Landlady , or her Daughter for some private favour received , we find our selves to have the least share , and so betake our selves to our trade ●…ill apprehension take from us that liberty , and the Law sentenceth us to pay our lives as a just debt we owe to Justice . CHAP. XXXII . Scouring the Road , he lights on a Farmers house which he intended to rob , but desists from that resolution , falling in Love with his Daughter , who was exceeding beautiful ; gets her with Child , under the pretence of Marriage , but afterwards refusing it , She and her Parents tax him with the undoing of the young Woman ; whereupon he leaveth them , giving them no other satisfaction then what they could gather out of a Copy of Verses he sent them . RIding along the Road I met with a young Girl with a Milk-Pail on her head , but I was amaz'd to see such perfection in one mortal face ; I rid up to her very near , purposely to entertain some discourse with her , introductory to a future acquaintance , considering the ground you may imagine the questions I propounded to this pretty Rural Innocent were fr●…volous enough ; as , which was the readiest way to such a place , &c. which with much respect and modest confidence she resolv'd ; she opening a gate to milk her Cows , I followed , and tying my horse to an hedge I beg'd her an excuse for being so rude and beseecht her charitable opinion of my present actions , assuring her I would not offer the least injury nor prejudice to her chastity . Being over-perswaded with my protestations and vows to that purpose , she admitted me to sit down and discourse with her whilest she performed the office of a Milk-maid . I could hardly contain my self within bounds when I viewed her pretty little hand stroking the Duggs . which indeed had so heightned my amorous passion , that I soon forgot my Oaths and Promises , but after some dalliance , what by intreaties and love perswasions , and what by corporeal strength I obtained my desires . We then grew somewhat more familiar , but the burden of the Song was , I had undone her ; let him that reads judge the truth thereof . We concluded at length that she should go home to her Fathers house , and that near night I would come thither likewise , according to the time appointed , as if I had never seen her before , and that I casually rid that way for information in the steering of my course regularly in the prosecution of my journey . She subtilly goes in and acquaints her Father and Mother that there was a Gentleman ( witl 〈◊〉 ) whom by his countenance , garb and jesture , shew'd himself no less ; that fearing to travel farther , being night , knowing not the way , desir'd to rest himself there till morning . With much respects from her Parents to her own great satisfaction ( which I discern'd in her eyes ) I was kindly entertain'd , and nobly treated . That night we intended to be better acquainted by the renovation of our late enjoyments ; but our unlucky Starrs were impropitious to our amorous designs Next morning I seem'd to be very ill , that I might have some pretence for my staying , which I acquainted the Daughter withal , the old people were very loving and courteous , so that as soon as they heard thereof , With much pitty they visited me , and with as much care they provided what was necessary for me . I offer'd them money , shewing good store of Gold that they might have the better esteem of me . Thus I lay for at least a fortnight ; several Doctors had been with me , but none knew my distemper . All this while I nightly had the society of my fresh Country Mistress , who deviated from the common customes of her Sex , did not coyishly refuse that which was the center of her hopes wishes and desires . Fearing least I might be suspected I left off counterfeiting and shew'd them some recovery of my strength , When at any time the good old people would come into my Chamber to sit with me , the main subject of my discourse would be the resentments of their favours , and that if I liv'd I would gratefully repay them . Being restor'd to my former heathful condition , I one day told them I could never recompence their love and care of me but by marrying their Daughter , whom I told them I loved most affectionately . Her Parents made many excuses , As that she was but a poor Country Girle and the like , but glad I perceived they were to hear such an overprized motion . Enquiries I made in a Neighbouring Town what this farmer was , whom I understood by all to be very wealthy , and that time was not more careful to furnish him with silver Hairs , then he industrious to maintain them by the procuration of a plen●…iful Estate : My wanton was his only Darling , for whom he furrowed the surface of the Earth , and for whom he chose rather to sell then to eat his better sort of Provision , that he might add to her Portion . It was now , he thought he had well bestowed his labour , since he had met with such a blessed opportunity wherein he should add Gentility to his Daughters riches . O the slaughter of Piggs , Geese Capons , which as to some Idol were Sacrifices diurnally , offered to procure my favour ! And as he was liberal in his Food , so was not I sparing in the sending for Wine , six Dozen of Bottles at a time : So that the Old man was brough to this pass , that he cared not whether he spent his Estate on me or gave it ; and that young Girl , so well pleased with her imaginary Paradise here , that I am confident she would never have been induced to have exchanged this for any other on equal terms . Inexpressable was our satisfaction on all hands , but nothing gave them greater content then to see us together , by which we had as many opportunities as we listed . My main aim was still to know of my young Mistress what store of Coyn her Father had , and where it lay , but to my great greif and vexation she told me he had not five pound within doors , having lately bought a purchase . I now thought it was to little purpose to stay longer , since I could not glean from her Fathers harvest , though I had reapt the crop of her Mothers labour , and so resolved to be going , but not without one nights solemn leave taking of her ; The night being come , she purposely stayed up till all the rest were gone to bed . But we being too imprudently hasty in the Kitchin , stumbled against two Barrels piled one on the other , and fell ; and we both were so intangled , that we could not digsinage our selves so soon , but that her Father came out crying , In the name of Goodness what is the matter ? And groping about caught me by the naked breech . Seeing there was no remedy , I desired him to be silent ; and not spread his Daughters disgrace , if so , I would make her shortly a recompence . The old man was very much perplext , and could not forbear telling his Wife of what had past . They both cryed out that their Daughter was undone ; The Daughter was in the same tone , unless I would spedily marry her . I stayed afterwards about some three dayes to colour the matter , and at last marcht off incognito , sending her twenty peices of Gold , and a Coppy of Verses , which as too plain and pertinent to the sweet Treatments had past between us we shall at present here omit . CHAP. XXXIII . From this Farmers house he rides he cared not whither . On the Road he is strangely surprized by a Woman robber in Mans apparrel ; He discovers it by unbuttoning her Breeches to search for private Pockets within . They two conclude a perpetual Friend-ship . A Bruptly takeing my leave of the Farmer and his loving Daughter , I rid a long time but met with none worthy of my taking Cognizance ; being wearied I struck into an Inn , and by that time I had throughly refresht my self , the evening , began to approach . Whereupon I mounted and so put on ; Passing by a small Coppice in a bottom between two Hills , a Gentleman ( as I then supposed ) well armed , and handsomely accoutred , started out upon me , and bid me deliver instantly . Hearing him say so , I told him if he would have but the patience I would ; and with that drew out a Pocket Pistol and fired it at him , without doing any execution . If you are for a little sport ( said the Gentleman ) I shall show you some instantly ; whereupon drawing a Pistol he shot me into the leg ; having so done , with his Sword ( which hung ready at his wrist ) neatly at a blow he cut the reins of my bridle , so that I was not able to guide my Horse . But he being good at command and used to the charge , with the winding of my body , I gave him to understand what he was to do . Come Sir , said my adversary , have you enough yet ? In faith Sir , said I , I 'le exchange but one Pistol more , and if that prove insuccessful I shall submit to your mercy ; Whereupon I shot but missed my mark ; however I killed his Horse , which instantly fell , my Gentleman was so nimble that before I could think what to do , he had sheathed his sword in my Horses belly , which made me come tumbling down too with a Horse-pox , Once more said my Antagonist , we are upon equal terms , and since the obscurity of the place gives us freedom , let us try our courages , one must fall . And thereupon with his Sword ( which was for cut and thrust ) he made a full pass at my bodie , but putting it by I closed in with him and upon the Hug threw him with much facility , I wondered much at it , which I need not have done since his nature ( as afterwards I understood ) was so prone to it . Having him down , now , Sir , said I , I shall teach you to be careful on whom you set , you have as imprudently undertaken this enterprize as a Pickeroon did once , who seeing a Man of War high built , and but few men aboard her discoverable , her Port-holes being likewise fast , clapt her aboard imediately , thinking she had been a Merchantman , but they found th contrary , the deck being instantly filled with men that were below , and running out her Guns there could be no wisdom in resistance . Wherefore now Sir yeild , or I shall compel you ; with much reluctancy he did . With cords I had ready for that purpose , I tyed both his hands and feet , and so fell to riffling him . Unbuttonning his Doublet to find whether there was no Gold quilted therein , I wondered to see a pair of Breasts so unexspectedly greater and whiter then any mans ; but being intent about my business that amazement vanisht from my thoughts . Then did I come to his breeches ( which I laid open ) my curious search omitted not any place wherein I might suspect the concleament of moneys , at last proffering to remove his shirt from between his legs , he suddenly cryed out ( and strove to lay his hand there , but could not ) I beseech you Sir be civil , said he : I imagining that some notable Treasure lay there obscured , I puled up his shirt ( alias Smock ) and found my self not much mistaken . The sight so surpriezed me as if I had been converted into a Statue by the head of a Gorgon , but after a little pause , I hastily unbound her , and taking her in my Armes , Pardon me most couragious Amazon , ( said I ) for thus rudely dealing with you it was nothing but ignorance that caused this errour ; for could my dim-sighted soul have diffinguisht what you were ; the greatness of love and respect I bear your Sex would have deterred me from contending with you . But I esteem this my ignorance , my greatest happiness , since knowledge in this case would have deprived me of the benefit of knowing there could be so much Prowe●… in a Woman . For your sake I shall ever retain ( since you have restored it ) a good esteem of the worst of Females . She beg'd me not to be too tedious in my expressions , nor pump for eloquent phrases alleadging this was no proper place to make Orations in . But if you will enlarge your self , let us go to a place not far distant from this , better known but to few besides my self , I liked her advice very well , and returning what I had taken from her , I followed it , by following her through divers obscure passages till we came to a Wood , wherein a place the Sun had not seen since the first deluge , stood an House . At our approach the Servants were all in a hurry who should first obey Mrs. Viragos commands , for they all knew her being no way estranged to her disguise , but wondered to see St. George , and his trusty Esquire on foot , neither durst they show themselves inquisitive presently : with much respect we were conducted into a very stately room , where embracing each other , we knit an indissolvable tye of frindship . CHAP. XXXIV . After Supper they enter in Discourse , wherein she giveto him a short account of her Life , and the cause of her undertaking such an extravagant and dangerous course ; relating how notably she revenged her self on her Husband for his unworthy and base carriage towards her HAving refresht our selves with what the House afforded , and Bottles and Pipes had supplied the place of Dishes ; we dialogu'd as famillarly , as if our acquaintance had bore equal date with our nativities . And now it was she laid her self open to me , not concealing any thing , having before made my self acquainted with her greatest Secret. Frankly she called for Bottles of Wine , which we smartly drank together , out of Beer-glasses , had not Supper been speedily provided , which required a cessation for some time , I should not have been in a condition to discern the Dish , nor him that brought it to the Table . Having taken some rep●…st I began to be refresht , she not in the least disturbed all this while . I prest her to tell me what she was , and what manner of life she led . Sir , said she , I cannot deny your request , wherefore to satisfie you , know that I was the Daughter of a Sword Cut●…er . In my younger days my Mother would have taught me to handle a Needle : but my Martial spirit gain-said all perswasions to that purpose . I could never endure to be among the Utensils of the Kitchin , but spent most of my time in my Fathers shop , taking wonderful delight in handling those Warlike Instruments , to take a Sword in my hand well mounted and brandish it , was reckoned by me among the chief of my recreations . Being about a douzen years of age I studyed all wayes imaginable how I might make my self acquainted with a Fencing-Master , . Time brought my desires to their complement , for such a one as I wisht for , casually came into our Shop to have his blade furnisht , and Fortune so ordered it there was none to answer him but my self Having given him that satisfaction he desired , though not expecting it from me : Amongst other talke I demanded of him whither he was not a Professor of the Noble Science ? ( for I guest so much by his Postures , Looks , and expressions . ) He told me he was a well willer thereunto ; being glad of this oppertunity , desiring him to conceal my intentions , I requested him the favour as to give me some instructions how I should mannage a Sword : at first he seemed amazed at my proposal , but perceiving I was in earnest , he granted my petition , allotting me such a time to come to him as was most convenient . I became so expert at Back-sword and Single-Rapier in a short time , that I needed not his assistance any longer : My Parents not in the least mistrusting any such thing . I shall wave what Exploits I did by the help of a disguise , and only tell you that when I arrived to fifteen years of age an Inn-Keeper Married me , and carried me into the Country . For two years we lived very peaceably and comfortably together , but at length the insolent and imperious temper of my Husband made me begin to show my Natural humour Once a week we seldom mist of a Combat between us , which freequently proved so sharp , that it was well if my Husband came off with a single broken pate , by which means the gaping wounds of our discontents and differences being not presently salved up they became in a manner incurable . I never was much inclined to love him , because he was of a mean , dastardly spirit , and ever hated that a Dunghill-Cock should tread a Hen of the Game . Being stinted likewise of Money , my life grew altogether comfortless , and I lookt on my condition as insupportable , Wherefore as the only remedy or expedient to mitigate my vexatious troubles , I contrived a way how I might somtimes take a Purse ; I judged this resolution safe enough , ( if I were not taken in the very fact ) for who could suspect me to be a Robber , wearing abroad upon such designs mans Apparel , but at home onely that which was suitable and agreable to my own Sex. Besides , none could have better encouragement and conveniency then my self ; for , keeping an Inn who is more proper to have in custody what charge my Guests brought into my house then my self ; or if committed to my Husbands tutelage , I could not fail to inform my self of the richness of the Booty . Moreover , the Hostess is the Person whose company is most desired , before whom they are no wayes scrupulous to relate which way they are going , and frequently what the affair was that led them that way . Courage I knew I wanted not , ( be you my impartial Judge , Sir ) what then could hinder me from being succesful in such an enterprize . Being thus resolved ( I soon procured necessary Habilliments ) for these my contrivances , and never miscarried in any of them till now . Instead of going to Market , or riding five or six miles about such a business , ( the usual pretences with which I blinded my Husband ) I would when out of sight ride a contrary road to this House ( wherein we now are ) and here Metamorphose my self , and being fitted at all points Pad uncontroulably , coming off allwayes most Victoriously . Not long since my Husband had about one hundred pounds due to him some twenty Miles from his habitation , and designed such a day for its reception , Glad I was to hear of this , resolving now to be revenged of him for all those injuries and churlish outrages be had committed against me , I knew very well which way he went , and knew the time of his coming home ; wherefore I way-laid him at his return . And happliy as I would have it , he did not make me wait above three hours for him . I let him pass me , knowing that by the swiftness of my Horse I could easily overtake him , and so I did , riding with him a mile or two before I could do my intended business . At last ( looking about me ) I saw the coast clear on every side ; Wherefore riding up close to him , and laying hold of his Bridle , I clapt a Pistol to his breast , commanding him to deliver , or he was a dead man. My imperious Don seeing death before his face , had like to have saved me the labour by dying voluntarily without compulsion , and so amazed at his suddain surprizal , that he lookt like an Apparition , or one lately risen from the dead . Sirrha ( said I ) be quick : but a dead Palsie had so served every part of him , that his eyes were incapable of directing his hands to his Pocket . But I soon recalled his lost spirits by two or three smart blown with the flat of my Sword , which so awakened him out of that deep Lethargy he was in , that with much submissiveness he delivered me his moneys . After I had dismounted him and cut the Reins of his Bridle and Girts , I basted him soundly , till that I had made jelly of his bones , and that his flesh lookt like Egyptian Mummy . Mow you Rogue ( said I ) I am even with you , have a care the next time how you strike a woman ( your wife ●… mean ) for none but such as dare not fight a man will lift up his hand against a weaker vessel . Now you see what it is to provoke them , for if irritated too much they are restless till they have accomplisht their satisfactory revenge , I have a good mind to end thy wicked courses with thy life , but that I am loath to be hanged for nothing , such a worthless man. Farewell , this money shall serve me to purchase Wine to drink healths to the confusion of such Rascally and mean spirited things ; and so I left him . She was a bout to have proceeded in such agreeable relations of her rencounters , when word was brought her up two Gentlemen below desired to speak with her , craving my excuse she went down and in a little time returned with them : She made an Apology to me for so doing , ading that if she had committed a crime herein , my future knowledg of those persons would extenuate it . By their effeminate countenances I could not miss of judging rightly what they were , viz. Females . After several discourses we grew so familiar , that the longest continued friendship could not boast of more freedom . Having talkt and drank our selves weary , we concluded to lye all in one chamber , there being two beds , what our Nocturnal passages were , I 'le give the Reader leave to imagine . CHAP. XXXV . Here he relates ( modestly ) what satisfaction he received from his new Female acquaintance , and what occasioned the two last income Amazons to attempt the hazardous enterprizes of the High Pad , with their Character and course of Life . THough Melancholly Night had drawn her sable curtains about our Hemisphere , yet the coverled of our Opticks was not yet laid down to admit our active senses to their usual rest and repose , obscured darkness had every where proclaimed silence about us on penalty of distracted incomposedness ; yet we feared not the breach of those binding Laws , by breaking our minds to each other interchangeably . My conquered foe ( now my new friend ) first began to relate to her old associates the rise of our late rencounter and the success , which she exprest with so much life and ingenuity , that they knew not which to value most , her wit , or my courage ; but when she came to relate the manner of the discovery of her sex , so petulant and facetious was her discourse , that it occasioned a great deal of laughter and mirth among us . Having throughly discourst varieties , for further diversion one of these late Incommers undertook to give us a summary of her Comerades ( or Sisters ) being therewith intermixt ; now I must give her leave to tell her own Tale. Sir , ( for to you I apply my discourse particularly , being wholly ignorant of what these two inseparable Companions of mine well understand ) I shall not trouble your ear with any thing then what is absolutely necessary : laying aside therefore superfluous Preambles , let me tell you I was the eldest Daughter of a Vintner in London , a man lookt on so wealthy , that he was called upon for Alderman , having no more children then a Son , my Self , and this my dear Sister , my Metamorphosed follower . My Brother I think was begat out of degenerate Wine , and that made him so degenerate from Virtue and a good Spirit ; a hot firery fellow , always on the fret , till his Cask or Carcass was pierced ; and so I leave him as I found him , an empty , Hogsheard . This obstacle being removed ( the Remora to our ●…air promising Fortune ) none were more extold and courted for Wealth and Beauty ( rarely seen together ) then my Sister and self ; men of all sizes , both of Wit , Estate and Stature , daily frequented my Fathers House , pretending they came for the goodness of Wine there vended , till they had got an interest in our acquaintance , and then they unmask their meaning . Several overtures were made to our Parents , who like good domestick Polititians , seemed to like , too incourage them to continue coming for their expence sake ; frequently they bespake Dinners , vying who should exceed in prodigallity , thinking thereby to gain esteem , while the old Fox did but laugh at them in private for their pains My Mother had her trade at her fingers ends ; for when she would oblidge any of them to any treaty , it was but calling him Son , or Sirrah you are a wag , my Benjamin must have the largest Portion , &c. By this means she chained them to the house , and to engage them the more , permitted us to bear them company ; but fearing least we might glut our Idolators by too long staying ( for we sooner surfeit on delicates then courser fare ) our Mother would call us , pretending present business , and would then supply the place her self ; then would they charge afresh , till they had blinded one another . I must needs say , my Mothers company was deservingly desireable : for though she had past her ages AEquinox , yet her beauty appeared but a very little declining . In her youthful dayes she was the wonder of her Sex , and was so generally talkt of among Beauty-hunters , that our Tavern was never empty , and happy was he that could procure the drinking of a glass with her at the Bar , but transported , if they could obtain the favour to have her company in a room : which for profit she sometimes permitted , and somthing else which my Father wincked at gladly , because he could not find the like expedient to enrich himself . She was comely , tall , and of a beautious blushing brown ; her hair proper to her complexion , neatly put into curls and folds by Nature : Her face was made up of excellent parts ; as a quick eye and full ; her circled brows graceful and big ; her nose not over Roman , with a full mouth ; the largeness of the lips commendable because plump and red ; her dimpled chin ( which Nature had drawn , with a wanton touch of her Pensil ) did singularly set out her looks most comely . Her neck was round , rising full and fat : her Bodie well fed , not fat ; an Italian Don's delight . When any Gentlemen came in , methinks I now see how she leared out of her inticing Italianated eyes , able to confound a Saint . In short , her hair was enough to enchant you into those mazes , but that her looks were so neer which hooked yours into her eye-balls , full , black and rowling ; and when she had you , she held you there . Neither was she a niggard of those gifts were so liberally bestowed on her , but communicated a taste thereof to divers for as she was naturally prone to whorishness , so she gave her inclinations the reins , and at last became so impudent , that she did frequently that in our sights , which though we understood not being too young , yet forceably drew a blush into our tender cheeks . Being in her prime , she gave her self so much libertie , that she was a shame to her sex ; there was not any vice that was attended either by pleasure or profit , but she would be sharer therein , And now being gulled with shadows and impostures , she drew up the Portcullis of her heart , and laid the gates thereof wide open to her own ruine . Who would imagine , that a pleasing countenance could harbour villany , or that a smile could set upon the face of mischeif . But herein she shewed her self a Curtezan of the right stamp , that for her own advantage can entertain mans appetite with wanton dalliance , but will never make assurance of setled love . When men think themselves most interessed in her , than was it frequently that they were farthest from her . I am somewhat the longer in my Mothers Character , that I might the fuller demonstrate what was the original that I so exactly coppied in the actions of my own life . Did Parents consider how prevalent their wicked examples are with their Issue , they would be less curious to cleanse their houses of dirt and dúst against the comming of their friends , and more careful not to see them hung with vices in the presence of their Children . You see I know the difference between good and evil , because I talk so well though I act so ill . But to proceed ; How is it possible the Daughter should be chaste , that can reckon up the adulteries of her Mother , though she be nere so well in breath without a dozen stops or intermissions at the least ? Such as are conscious to these faults in others , cannot but be capable of them in themselves The hearing of them told , begets a willingness to try them : the seeing of them done , a wilfulness to do them . She presumed I belive upon our indiscretions as Children perswading her self we had not wit enough to discern it . But alas ? she erred in her Cyphers , and was much mistaken in her accounts : for we coming to years , did not stick to do that in her sight which she before would not forbear in ours . And with what face could she rereprove us . The crooked wretch must not upbraid the lame , Nor must the Moor the tawny Indian blame . Her house did daily swarm with such as pretended more then common kindness to me . Several my Parents approved of as wealthy , and propounded them to me whom I only disliked for want of comeliness . One I confess I could have fancied highly for his wit , had not his formation , been so extravagant and preposterous . O the innumerable quantity of Poetick brats which Pallas like sprang out of his head , and so pestred my Chamber that I could hardly sleep for the trampling of their feet : some whereof appear'd so fair unto me from a Father so foul , that I have carried them in my bosome to converse with them among the solitary shades . I protest civility could scarce keep me from laughing outright every time I saw him , his whole composure appear'd to me so ridiculous . For first his head seem'd to sink down into his breast , his eyes staring affrighted at the danger , whilst his mouth continually gaped , as if it intended to cry out for help : his back and breast bunched out as if a wallet stuffed at both ends had hung over his shoulder behind and before . Though extravagant enough , you could not say he showed much waste . Had you seen him on a rainy day , by the length of his leggs ( yet of dwarfish stature ) you would have thought him mounted on stilts , and wading through the dirt with a boy at his back . Now let me skip over his person , and only tell you how I served him , and then I have done with him . That day I saw him not , I had his representation sent me , which was good diversion , but his presence was insufferable : to the intent therefore that I might be rid of him I sent him these lines , SIR , You are the son of Esop , for I find Legitimation by your shape and mind ; Deformed ye are alike thence t is thought fit , That such defects should be supplyed by wit. Your aspects monstrous foul , yet don't complain , Your issues fair the product of your brain : But stay , I must recal my self , for know My praises are like to your self , too low : Troth when I veiw you well my fancy must Imagine you much like a Capon trust . Or like Sir Hudibras , nick-named All-feather , Or like one tyed both neck and heels together : Nor do not think Pygmean Sir that I , Will fall in love with meer deformity ; Then court some Succubus , a fiend will be A fitter match : so think no more on me . These lines so nettled him , that having belcht out some execrations against me and our sex , I never hard more of him . To be short there was none could get any interest in me , but our Head-drawer , a neat flaxen-hair'd dapper fellow ; so passionately we loved one the other , that we could not forbear holding some private correspondence at nights . My Father at length suspecting us turned away his man , whose absence I could not brook , and therefore resolved to follow after , which I did , taking with me what ready money my Father had in his custody ; and finding out my dear Comerade , this was the resullt of our consultation , that I should cloath my self like a man , and so travel together . It will be too tedious to relate how and whither we went ; but let it suffice to tell you , that after we had ran through France and Italy , and wearied our selves in foreign parts , we concluded to return for England . We landed at Dover having made an end of our voyage and money together , saving so much as would purchase Horse and Armes , for padding was the way we agreed on to recruit our decayed stock . Many were the robberies we committed , taking such a course that the Devil could hardly detect us : for sometimes when we had robbed , and fearing least we should be taken by the Hue and Cry , it was but turning my horse loose , and then would I put on womans apparel ( which I always carried in my Portmantle in such expeditions ) and getting up behind my dear friend , I past unexspected as his wife ; this stratagem frequently proved a safeguard to us both By this means we several times robbed houses under the pretence of my friends taking lodgings for himself and Wise ; to tell you in what manner and how often we played our pranks under a double disguise , would take up more time then is convenient . Wherefore I shall now wind up my story : My Comerade in an unhappy enterprize received a shot in his shoulder , which proved Mortal , for not long after he died . Being then destitute of my dear companion , I had several thoughts of returning home , but that I liked my trade so well , I could not be induced to leave it . However I went to my Fathers house frequently with roaring Blades , but new me not though sometimes they would stare upon me , as if their eyes would have started out of their heads for joy to see their o'd acquaintance . At last I took a convenient opportunity under the veil of courtship to discover my self to my Sister ( nere present ) who understanding my course of life , and knowing well her own constitution , for my sake resolved to hazard all , and run one risgue with me . Having instructed her how she should rob her Father , as I had done before her , we met at a place appointed , and so took our journey hitherward . Now if our conversation may be any wayes pleasing , and our service advantagious , we are both your devoted servants : she uttered these words with such a grace , that I could not forbear imbracing her . After we had plighted faiths , and mutually carressed each other , we betook our selves to rest , which you may imagine was little enough . CHAP. XXXVI . How he with his new female padding Comrade contrived notable subtil and safe ways to rob together , with a rela●…ion of some remarkable stories which were thee effects of those consultations . Angry I was when I perceived the appearance of day , which I knew would unavoidably rob me of my present delight and pleasure . But it was only my fear of being deprived of so much bliss made me so grossely to mistake ; for I quickly found my happiness inlarged by the approaching light , my sence of seeing being now made Copartner with that of feeling . Love had now his eyes restored him who before only groped for the naked truth in the dark . Now did we begin afresh to renew our late sweet nocturnal pastime , and could our bodies have any wayes answered our boundless desires , our bed would have been the sole concern we should have minded , till that time which must put a period to this transitory life . But to avoid the censure of sluggishness , we all resolved to rise and unanimously strive and contend who should make the best proof the greatest ingenuity in contriving what may give the largest satistaction both to mind and body . As a praeludium to our intended purpose and a restorative to our decayed strengths ; we first resolved upon buttered Sack , with other things of like comforting natures : and now finding our selves by this first essay so much beyond expectation revived and fitted for mirth and pleasure , we straight gave order for a Dinner to be speedily prepared , whose composition should be of the choicest viands . And that the time might not seem tedious in the interim , it was put to the vote what pastime we should make choice of for divertisement . Some were for bodily exercise , but I was clearly against that , having so lately tired my self with it : besides my lameness , which was occasioned by the shot I received in my legg from my Valient and Rencountress . It was at length agreed on by all that we should entertain our selves with Musick and Discourse . A match said the eldest Sister ) and to the intent you may see my freedom and forwardness to propogate your proposition , I shall give my assistance first to heighten your spirits by vocal and instrumental Musick : having thus broken the Ice , I question not but you will prove ready followers , and swim with me in the same streams of delight . Whereupon she took up a Lute , and having praised that instrument above all other for its sweet ravishing harmony , I will now try ( said she ) how my voice will agree with it , and thus sang : What need we to care , W ' have enough and to spare , What we gain we will drink out and spend on 't ; But when all is gone We will get more anon , Then make it all fly , there 's an end ou 't . We will rob , we will steal , For our own Common weal. Let the Miser be damn'd with his treasure ; Our designs we will shape For the juice of the grape , Thus spin out our lives in our pleasure , We think it more fit To live by our wit , And hazard our lives on adventure , We are Sons of the blade Never bred to a trade , VVe scorned to be bound by Indeuture . Not for flattery , but due merit we could give her no Iess then applause : Which though that word may favour of somthing of a complement , yet I will assure you there was no such thing past between us ; we knew how to improve our time to a far greater advantage , leaving such empty vain expressions to such , who have little else to do then to play with a Ladies Fan , or to consume their times in combing their Perriwigs , not only in the Streets and Play houses , but even ( irreverently ) in the holy places of Divine Worship . The pertinency of this Song . to the practice of our lives , did as much please us all , as the sweet harmony of that voice did ravish our deli●…hted ears . And least our satisfaction should any wayes cool or abate , more Musical fewel was laid on , to warm our benumbed spirits , if any such unlikely thing should happen . Whereupon her Sister ( not making use of any instrument to assist her voice , being sensible it was good and natural ) frankly , and with a becoming freedom , sang to this purpose , 'T is liberty which we adore , It is our wealth and only store , Having her we all are free , Who so merry then as we : 'T is she that makes us now to sing , And only She can pleasure bring . Chorus . Since we then such freedome have Wee ' purchase pleasure , or a grave ; 'T is better so then live a slave . As I am free , so will be still , For no man shall abridg my will : I 'le pass my life in choicest pleasure , On various objects spend my treasure : That woman sure no joy can find Who to one man is only joyned . Chorus , Since we then such freedom have , Wee 'l purchase pleasure or a grave : 'T is better so then live a slave . What pleasure is in full cramed baggs , No more ●…hen is in Beggars rags , Unless made use of , what is Cash ? A fine new Nothing , glittering trash : Being well employed , it is a thing Which doth delight and honour bring , Chorus Since we then such freedom have Wee 'l purchase money , or a grave : 'T is better so then live a slave . About to have proceeded in this manner round , we were interrupted by Dinner coming up , which came as seasonable as our stomacks could require . Waving all Ceremonies , we instantly fell to it without the tediousness of long winded graces ; neither were we long at it , our hands and appetites being alike nimble and quick to give the body its required satisfaction . After Dinner we had various discourses about the vanity and imbecility of the female sex : winding up our Argument , one said , She would not be a meer Woman for the whole universe , and wondered that man , so noble and rational a Soul should so unman himself in his voluntary inslaving himself to a Womans will : I wonder how they dare boast of Conquests , when they must acknowledg they are daily overcome by a weak and feeble Creature , Woman a thing which for want of heat sunk into that Sex , With such like prattle we entertained our selves for an hour or two ; and now it was put to the vote what course we should steer , and what design we should next put in execution . Diffirent were our opinions for a while , but at last we concluded unanimously about the evening to set out and rob joyntly : the manner which we laid down was thus ; The youngest sister should ride behind the eldest Sister on a Pillion in her own proper apparel and my Virago behind me in the like female garb ; & this we judged to be the safest project we could propound ; for who could be so senseless to imagine us Robbers , riding in that manner double horsed , and attended with the greatest symptomes of innocency . Hereupon we presently fell to work , that is to say , endeavoured to get such necessaries as were most convenient for our enterprise , as Pillions , Safeguards and short Swords for my females : Pocket-pistols they had already , having gotten what womans attire we wanted , and all things ready , we mounted with Boots , which we dirted on purpose , to the intent those which saw us might not suspect but that we had rid many miles that day . It was about six of the Clock in the evening when we did set forth ; we had not rid above two hours but there overtook us four Horsemen , and demanded whither we were travelling ? I answered them to such a place . Now did our two subtil Queans which rid behind us play their parts to the life , pretending a great fear of being robbed , and carried their business so crastily , that they gave the Gentlemen to understand their pretended fear and jealousie : and the better to cloak our design , pray thee my Dear ( said I ) in a voice not over-loud , but just so that they might hear me , do not be afraid , I am confident they are no other then what they appear , that is , honest civil persons . Hereupon , one of the Gentlemen over-hearing , rode up close to me and comforted my supposed Wife behind , protesting they were no such persons as she imagined ; that they were Gentlemen of good Estates all , and so far they were from offending any , that they would with the hazard of their lives defend the injured on the road : we seemed hereat to be much satisfied , returning them many thanks , and desiring their comya●…y , which they kindly granted , saying , Come follow , wee'llead the way gently on , and stand between you and danger . I was glad to hear them say they wou'd ride before , for now I judged our business to be facile and easily done . I now whispered behind me , telling her as soon as ever she saw me give a blow , she should immediately leap off the horse , and make use of what weapons she had : Her sister had the like instructions given her . My Brother , as I called him , riding up close with me ; received directions from me , that when we came to the bottom of the Hill , he should at the same time with me directly discharge his Truncheon on the head of his foregoer withall the force he could sum up together . When they least suspected us in the rear , we executed what we designed with such exact time , and so successfully , that a devided minute did not difference their fall Our Women were as swift as lightning upon them , depriving them of all the advantages of rising , whilest we set spurs to our Horses , ond overtook the other two afore , who insensible of what was done , were strangly surprized and amazed , to see our Swords and Pistols ready to dispatch our Hellish commands . Fear on a suddain had so chained up their tongues , as that they could not utter a word , till we forced them to it by threatning their unavoidable deaths if they did not instantly deliver . Being willing to ransome their lives by their moneys , gave us what they had , as not to stand in composition with a matter of eternal concern . Having reaped our desires , we dismounted them , and cutting their Girts and Bridles , we took their peices with the Saddles , and threw them into an obscure place . The Horses were whipt over into a field . Our Prisoners we led into a little wood , where we bound them , as the rest of our gang did , who were more expeditious then we in their works . Having finisht our business to our hearts content and security , we mounted , and so rid back again to our old quarters . Our Landlord wondered at our speedy dispatch , but had like to have exspired for joy when he saw our booty was so considerable ; for you are to understand he had a quarter share with us . Here did we carouse and feast for a long time , not so much as thinking on any prize : and the truth on 't is , my leg grew so bad by my shot , that I could not ride but in great pain . Wherefore I resolved to lie still till its cure should be effected by my loving & skilful Landlady . My wound being healed I resolved to follow old custom rob alone , not so much that my profit would be greater , but I began to be tyred with my three former dainties ; nay more , they were so insatiate in those pleasures they injoyed , that my strength could not cope with such excesses . Wherefore pretending business of privacy a little way off , I gave them the slip , knowing how difficult it would be to part from them knowingly . CHAP. XXXVII . Being now upon the Pad alone , ●…e baits at an Inn , with which he was acquainted , and there by the Hostler is informed of a Booty which he pursued , but was soundly barged for his pains , losing both his Horse , and what small matter he had left . VEry loath I was to part with these Amazons , notwithstanding I saw there was an unavoidable & absolute necessity for it . For no man could ever better be pleased with society , then I was in theirs , enjoying such persons whose courage and fidelity might vie with the most approved male friend , and reaping at the same time the choycest favours Venus can confer on her cheifest Favourites . One remarkable passage concerning this Female Robber , I had like to have forgot ; which was this ; She would frequently Pad or rob on foot in Womans apparrel , but so disguised , that she could not easily be known : Getting a Cushion , or some such thing , ( by putting it under her Cloaths to make her seem big with Child ) she would usually walk abroad , it may be three or four miles at length , near some beaten Road Thus had she the benefit of viewing all rid by . If she saw any single person by whose equipage she might imagine him to have his Pockets well furnished , before he came near her , she used to feign her self both exceeding sick and weary , groaning in a most pitiful manner . What mans heart could be so obdurate as to pass her by neglected . and without taking any notice of her ? Who would not proffer a big bellied Woman ( tired and indisposed ) the courtesie of riding behind him for a little way to refresh her ? As she told me , she met with very few that did not take her up behind them seeing her in that deplorable condition . Having rid a pretty way , seeing the Coast clear , and coming to a convenient place for to execute her design , she would pretend the Gentlemans hat that rid before her offended her eyes ; most in point of civility would put it off , though they immediately put it on again : then would she with a Cord with a nooze , which she had ready for the purpose , clap it over his head , and so whipping off the Horse pull the Man after her ; oftentimes half strangling him , serving him as the Mn●…es do the Bassas with their black box and Silk string therein , when they are designed for death by the Grand Seniors appointment & command . Taking the advantage of their being half suffocated , she could easily first bind their leggs making them so secure that they were so far from resisting , that they were totally at her devotion . But to return where I left off : before I took my leave of her , perceiving the temper of this brave noble Spirit , and that it was Poetically inclined out of my true resentment of her due merit , I gave her these lines , which she thankfully received , though modestly denied to concern her in the least . Stand back ye Muses , Mars , come guide my Pen , To rank this Female Heroe 'mongst thy Men. So , so , 't is well . Now let us to the matter , 'T is such a subject that I cannot flatter . The Pantalooners strut , and Muffetoons ; Taking great pains for to appear Buffoons . They do seem men , and like ●…m wear their Swords : But dare not draw ; such may be kill'd with words : These love a Lady , and affect perfumes : Who lighter are , ( then what they wear ) their Plumes . Thou scornst such shadows , or Chimaera's , which Are good for nothing , but a Womans itch . Thou lov'st that man alone , that dares in spight Of fate , scorn Death himself in fight . Thy actions speak thee man , who dares deny it ? Believe this truth , or if you dare , then try it ; 'T will be a favour to her , for they 'l find , That never man injoy'd so brave a mind . Bidding this my Minerve and her associates adieu , I rid on in the next road , without meeting any I thought requisite to fasten on . At length I came to an ●…nn , where I was very well acquai●…ted , and intended there to have refresht my self ; but the Hostler prevented it , not suffering me to alight , telling me hastily , that there was a Gentleman not an hour since bai●…d there , who had in his Portmantue a considerable purchase ; that he was a poor spirited follow , whom he knew , and that he ever had an absolute antipathy to a naked Sword , and that he was gone such a road , &c. I stay'd not so long as to drink , but with al possible expedition made after him ; ascending a small Hill , I discovered him , who rid an ordinary pace , wherefore I slacked mine to cool my Horse ; however I soon overtook him , and rode by him , not without viewing him well ; riding down the Hill I did alight , purposely that he might overtake me , which he did ; being past I mounted , and at the very bottom I bid him stand and deliver instantly , or he was a dead man. Sis , sis , sir , ( said he lisping very much ) I-I-I-I am going home . I bid him not make these proposed delays , left he smarted , and therefore wisht him to dispatch and give me his money , for I was informed ( I told him ) that he had a sum behind him . T-t-t-'tis true ( he reply'd ) b-b-but it is my Fathers m-m-money . Hang your Father and his stuttering Coxcomb too , ( said I ) I must have what you have . W-wh-why then you shall , ( said he ) and with that drew out a pocket-pistol and fired it at me ; which made my horse start , and very much surprizing me , expecting not the least resistance from such a seemingly ignorant and cowardly fellow ; by that means he had time and liberty to draw his sword ( which was almost as broad as a Chopping-knife ) and came upon me so furiously , that I am sure I had not time to defend my self : he so laid about him , that I soon lay at his mercy . I was forced to beg very hard for my life , which I obtained with very much ado : then he fell to my pockets , not leaving any suspected place for money unsearcht : by which I guest him to have belonged to our profession , and was not mistaken , as you shall understand by and by . He went to my horse , and viewing him , he seemed to like him very well . Wherefore coming to me ( for he had cut me off my horse ) ha-ha-hark you ( said he ) you are but a raw Thief , a me-me-meer Child , & it is but fit that you should be sent to a ma-ma-Master to be ta-ta-taught knowledge , and be whipt for your foo-foo-lishness . You said you must have my Fa-fa-Fathers money , but I tell you I must have your hau-hau-Horse , and so farewell . He was so kind as to leave me his , which was a pitiful Jade , however necessity compelled me to mount him , and anger spurr'd me on to be revenged of the Hostler , but I better considered with my self , that probably that horse was known there , and so I should be detected ; wherefore I rid a contrary way , and took up my lodging in a place I never had been in before . As soon as I alighted , abundance of people flockt about me , seeing me all bloody , to know the cause thereof . Whereupon I related in a very doleful manner how this sad accident befel me . That travelling to such a place with about 150 pieces of Gold , I was set upon by five or six lusty Rogues , who rob'd me , and because I made what resistance I could , to save what I had , it being my whole Estate , they had thus barbarously mangled me , hacking and hewing me till I grew weary , and at last with much difficulty escapt with my life . There was a general sorrow for me , pitying me so much that the Inhabitants strove one with another , who should shew me most kindness . A Chyrurgeon was presently sent for , who ( as he was a Barber too ) Barbarian like , drest my wounds ; some were employed in procuring me Cordials , and getting me things necessary ; others were sent out to make inquisition after the Thieves . This Gentleman that serv'd me this trick , was ( as I understood afterwards ) an High-way-man himself , who being well born and bred , but his Father being either at that time unable or unwilling to supply him with what moneys his lavish expences required ; Nature having bestowed on him a stout resolute heart , and strength answering his courage , betook himself to the Pad . In which profession he behaved himself so gallantly , that he was styled the Father or Governor of his Tribe . But his attempts prov'd not always successful , so that there was hardly a County in England , wherein he had not been in Prison ; being frequently arraigned for his life , but having eminent and potent friends , he still came off ; this did his Father and Kindred so frequent , that they grew weary , and he narrowly escaping with his life one time , and finding that his kindred matter'd not much if he were hanged , he submitted himself to his Father , making a solemn protestation that he would never follow the like courses again : whereupon his Father setled an Annual Estate upon him , on which he now liveth very orderly . Thus much briefly of my overcomer . I had not laid above a night in this place for the cure of my wounds , before I was question'd about my Horse by some persons that knew him well , and taken on suspition for murdering the Gentleman the right owner ; which seem'd more then probable by various circumstances . First , this Gentleman was not to be found , which well might be his late success , having conveyed him on the wings of speed to an obscure place , there to revel and congratulate his good Fortune by the speedy spending his late purchase . Next , my many and dangerous wounds sufficiently declared the great hazard of the two combatants lives : but that which chiefly committed me , was the Gentlemans horse , which I like an impudent insipid Coxcomb must ride on , which reason must needs say was the ready way to ride Post to the Gallows . Notwithstanding the miserable condition of my Carbonadoed body , I was inclosed between a pair of walls , and had undoubtedly been hang'd for being robb'd , had not the Gentleman appear'd again amongst his friends ; then did my accusers slip their necks out of the collar , and none prosecuting me , I was discharged . Staying a little while in the Town for refreshment , an old acquaintance there found me out , of whom I cannot but give you a character , since the passages of his life hath been so remarkable and notorious , and from the short relation of which I question not but the Reader will reap much benefit and satisfaction . For indeed examples have so great an influence and power upon the actions of mans life , as that we find men are more wrought upon by president then precept . To this intent preceding Generations have made it their grand care and labour , not only to communicate to their Posterity the lives of good & honest men , that thereby man might fall in love with the smooth and beautiful face of vertue , but have also taken the same pains to recount the actions of criminal and wicked persons , that by the dreadful aspects of Vioe , they may be deter'd from imbracing her . CHAP. XXXVIII . He bere reneweth his acquaintance with a cunning fellow , that formerly studyed the Law , and since made it his sole business to practise the abuse thereof . ABout four days after I was discharged , there came into the same Inn where I lay a Gentleman , who hearing some of the house discoursing of the Robbery that was lately committed , he desired to be particularly informed , which they did , adding that the rob'd Gentleman lay wounded in the house ; he inquired of them my name , which they told him , as I had told them , having a name for every month in the year . Very desirous he was , if it might be no disturbance to me , to give me a visit , unto which I condescended , a servant to that intent desiring to know my pleasure . Assoon as he entred the Room , I verily thought I knew him , though I could not for the present call to mind where I had seen him . I was so muffled about the Chops , that it was impossible for him to have any knowledge of me . He sat down by me , & askt me various questions , to which I gave him convenient satisfaction . At last I recalled my memory , and askt him if his name was not so — he answered me affirmatively . Dear friend ( said I ) I am glad to see you : come , be not amazed ; my right name is so — with that he embraced me , and was overjoyed that he so casually found me out . Laying aside all formal niceties , I unbosomed my self to him , not mincing the truth in the least ; for we know our selves Birds of a Feather , Rogues together . He condol'd my wounded condition , and comforted me , by telling me that he would not leave me till I was well , and that he would procure me such a Plaister for the wounds I had received , that should prove very effectual . He stayed with me above a fortnight , enjoying what pleasures the Country was capable to afford us . Being by our selves ( for so we designed the major part of every day ; ) we discoursed interchangeably of nothing but our adventures , &c. how we might lay new plots for our advantage : I gave him the epitome of what I had done , since I left him , who took more pleasure in the relation of my Rogueries , then the Quaker did in Courting the Mare near Rochester . But when he began to relate his Villanies , I was struck dumb with admiration ; and what cannot a man do if indued with the strength of his natural parts , sharpness of wit , quickness of apprehension , depth and solidness of judgement , with a tenacious memory ? Now because he ever had a smooth and insinuating tongue , with the command thereof , I shall give him leave to tell his own tale . CHAP. XXXIX . The Life of a Law-abusing Cheat. Dear Friend , FOr what am I beholding , it is to Nature alone ; for as I am ashamed of my birth , so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on me , since his condition was so low , yet his spirit so high , that he would not beg himself though ready to starve , however would permit me , which was the sole support of his and my life . I was ten years old before I could meet with any preferment : one day Fortune favouring , she offer'd to my view a Commodity , which with confidence and dexterity I might carry off undiscovered . My hands presently successfully effected what my mind suggested ; it was but of small value , the utmost I could get for it was a Link , with which that night I more then trebled what it cost . This course I followed by night , & ran in errands by day , so that I had furnished my self both with Cloaths and Money . In process of time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House ; my Master taking a liking to me , put me to a Writing-school , where being capacitated for his business , he puts me into the Shop , and instructs me in his imployment . I had not been there long before I made my self very eminent , by studying the Law , the Rudiments whereof I understood so well , as I knew how to ingross an Indenture . This made my Master esteem of me , and that estimation made me proud ; and being not yet bound his Apprentice , I thought I knew betterthings then to be his servant any longer , and so left him . Then was I with an Attorney a while , afterwards with a Counsellor , till thinking I had Law enough , I took an House , resolving to see what I could do with it my self . I sollicited several mens businesses , giving a general content , insomuch that my credit and reputation increased daily . Now did I marry for Wealth , having not the least affection ; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the skin off . Sometimes I liv'd with her , too long for any delight I took in her ; and being resolv'd to be ●…id of her , this stratagem I used . I shewed her more kindness then formerly , pretending I would do nothing but what I would consult with her about ; which so wrought upon her love , that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul for my Interest ; and made her withal so opinionative , that she judged every silly and unsavory expression she utter'd was no less then an Oracle . Having brought my business thus far to perfection , I came home one evening very melancholy : very inquisitive she was to know the cause . My Dear , ( said I ) I will not conceal any thing from thee ; such a Gentleman hath injur'd me , and I cannot rest till I be reveng'd . Thou knowest my Nature , if wrong'd I am implacable , it is a fault I cannot help . Come , come , said my wife , let us go to bed , and there we will consult . Being there she ask●… me how we should bring our revenge about ? I seemed to study a while , — I have it now ( said I ) thou art wi h Childe ; he is one tender of his reputation ; tax him for being the Father of it , and that will do the work to my , full content : very loth she was , because of the talk of the people ; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul , by telling her that as long as I knew her chaste , it was no matter what others said of her : whereupon she condescended , and had the Person before a Justice , where she swore positively that she was got with Childe by that Gentleman . I presently took advantage of her Confession , turned her off , leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual Court. This was my first prank . One of my Clients another time , having bought a good handsome Tenement , had so much confidence as to put me in Possession ; my Client having purchased an Estate in the Country , was forced to be there to look after the management of his Rural affairs , for some certain time : I took this opportunity to forge a Lease to my self , at an easie Rent , from him that constituted me his Trustee . I soon found a Chapman for it , and sold this Lease , receiving a good round Fine , which had been a penny-worth indeed , had the title been good ; unto this man I delivered possession , who dwelt in it till the return of the right owner , who coming to his said house , wonder'd to finde every thing so contrary to his expectation , & demanding of the Tenant by what power he inhabited in that dwelling , the poor man shewed him his forged Lease , declaring that he had paid his fine to such a man , nominating me , who at that time was not to be found . The Landlord could do no less then eject him his house , but finding him so grosly abused , required nothing for the time he was in it , but left him to the Law to require satisfaction of me . The abused being very much troubled he should be thus deceived , made so strickt inquiry after me , and so unwearied in his search , that at last he found me out , who said , nothing should serve his turn , but he would for this cheat have the rigor of the Law executed upon me ; knowing of what a dangerous consequence it was , I got my adversary arrested in an action of a thousand pounds , who wanting Bayl was committed to Newgate , where grief released me by his death from ensuing prejudice . I afterwards forged a deed of Sale of an House hard by the former , which would have made more for my advantage , had not this man discovered my design , which made me the more inveterate against him and his . For this was always my temper , though nothing could provoke me to express my anger in company ( as having a perfect command over my passions in that nature ) yet if any durst prosecute his own or friends right in opposition to me , I seldom left him , till I had either absolutely undone him , or so impoverisht him , that he should be in no condition to hurt me or help himself , making him at last confess that he had been better to have sat down with his first loss . And this I effected the easier , having a conscience that serupled nothing , & instruments that would swear any thing . These contrivances of mine made me generally reputed a subtil and knowing man , which brought me in multiplicity of business , with considerable in-comes . Neither did I alone sollicite for such as were concern'd in the Law , but I had my concernment with Lifters , who did put so great a confidence in me , that what they got was left solely to my disposal , either by sale or pawn , for which I had my brokage , and something else beside . Now was I grown so famous ( my Garb adding much to my fame , which was very splendid ) that if any intricate controversie , reference , or Law-suit arose among my Neighbours , they knew no person fitter to make their appeal to then my self for arbitration . If any again wanted either mony , goods , nay a cooler of concupiscence , I was adjudged the best Procurer . By these means I tumbled in money ; and to let the world know it , I wore a several Suit every day , having besides Habits suitable to any design . Now did those that knew me not , even adore me ; those that were acquainted with me , out of fear were forced to show me more then ordinary respects . I confess had I now walkt in a medium , this had been the time ( as they say there is a time allotted to every man ) to have made my self for ever . But Knaverie was so implanted in my Nature ; that I could not forbear cheating the dearest friend I had , if he intrusted me , circumvent every man that had more honesty then my self ; and though I was sure to damn soul and body , yet I must attempt the destruction of my adversary ; and to speak the truth , I did not stick to betray my friend , if any advantage would accrue to me thereby . For one trick I serv'd an ancient Widow , I now and then find some internal gripings , I cannot tell whether they proceed from conscience , because I never knew what conscience was ; and this it is . A Gentlewoman of my acquaintance , whose sole dependance was upon Lodgers , and having taken up a great many Goods to a considerable value to furnish her House , befitting the reception of any person of quality , for which she was indebted , and having too often put off her Creditor , came to me , desiring the favour of me to procure her fifty pound , telling me , that such a Knight , and such a Squire would stand bound with her ; that will not do ( said I ) for the Gentry have so many tricks to keep Citizens out of their money . That they will have better security . Perceiving her present necessities were very urgent , I knew I could do any thing with her ; wherefore I perswaded her to confess a Judgement : she agreed to it . I told her such a day it should be done , but I would speak with the Party first : according to the day prefix●… I came , bringing with me a Warrant of Attorny , with a friend or two to attest it ; she confided so much in me , as to seal before she receiv'd the moneys . That being done ; now come along with me ( said I ) to such a place , where the Mony lyeth ready . As we were going , there was a stop in a Lane by Carts & Coaches , and by the help thereof I dodg'd her , she seeing me no more till it was too late : for I came with an Execution a while after , and carried away every pennyworth of Goods she had ; yet so civil I was , that I would not let her see it done , knowing it could not but be a great trouble to her , to that intent about half an hour before I sent for her in my name , far enough distant from her own Habitation . In this nature with some variations as to the manner , I serv'd several . Knowing I had a plentiful invention , which seldom failed me , I scorned to be so idle as to make use of one trick only , to bring about my ends ; & as I had several , I never made use of one trick twice , for fear of being smoakt . I seldom went abroad , but I had some of my Complices at my heels , rarely going together , unless necessity required it . I went into a Coffee-house one day , and sat me down at a common Table , ( as the Room is to all Comers ) a little after came in one of my Imps , and sits himself down too . I had then a very curious Ring upon my finger , which a Gentleman opposite to me perceiving , pray Sir ( said he ) do me the favour as lend me a fight of that Ring on your finger ; I presently delivered him ; having viewed it and commended it , my Rogue must needs desire a sight of it too from this Gentleman , who thinking no harm , gave it into his hands ; after he had lookt on it a while , he fairly march'd off with it : I saw him , but would not in the least take notice thereof , knowing where to find him . The Gentleman imagined nothing to the contrary , but that the right Owner had received it again . A little while after , I demanded very courteously my Ring , excusing his detention thereof upon the account of forgetfulness . The Gentleman starting , replied , Sir , I thought you had had it long since . I told him I had it not ; and as I delivered it unto him , I should require it from no other person . He pisht at it , and in the conclusion bad me take my course ; and so I did , having first taken witness of the standers by , I sued him , and recovered the value of my Ring twice over ; producing two in Court that swore point blank , that the one of them sold it me for so much — . One thing I confess I frequently made use of , which was this ; If any person dy'd , and none durst administer , but leave the Deceased's Goods to the Creditors , then would I be sure to make my self a principal Creditor by a forged Bond , and thereupon sue out letters of administration , and sweeping all away , I wiped the nose of other Creditors . CHAP. XL. What a notable revengeful trick he serv'd the Turn-key of Ludgate . I Went on a time to see a Prisoner in Ludgate , but thinking to come out again as easily as I went in , I found my self just as the Picture I have often seen upon the Exchange , wherein is represented a man plunging himself with much ease into the great end of the Horn , but with the greatest difficulty can hardly squeeze his Head through the other end . Hell Gates stand ever open to let all souls in , but none are suffer'd to go out . Here I waited two hours for the return of the Turn key , fretting my self even to death for being detained from my urgent occasions . At length he came : I told him what an injury he did me : instead of excusing himself , he returned me very scurvy language , which provoked my passion so much , that though I said little , yet my invention was presently at work to be reveng'd . Not long after I got a poor fellow to be arrested for an inconsiderable debt , advising him to turn himself instantly over to Ludgate . In a short time the poorness of this mans condition was generally known , and he himself pretending he was almost starved , got liberty to put in what slender security he could procure for his true imprisonment , and so had leave to go abroad In the mean time I had got a Bond of the Prisoner of fourscore pound for the payment of forty , and so went privately and enter'd an action of Debt . I told the Prisoner the next time he went out he should run away , which he did , neither was there any security to be found ; then did I bring my action against the Keeper , with my Knights of the Post , and so recovered the money . CHAP. XLI . What a freak he play'd upon a Jeweller . I Was intimately acquainted with a Jeweller in Foster-lane , whom I often helped to the sale of Rings and Jewels , so that my credit was very good with him . Being one time above in his work-room , I chanced to spy a very rich Jewel , whereupon I told him I could help him to the sale thereof ; my Lady such a one having lately spoke to me about such a thing . He glady delivered it to me at such a price to shew it her . But I only carried it to another to have one exactly made like it with counterfeit stones . Before I went , I askt him if the Lady dislikt it , whether I might leave it with his wife or servant ? I , I , ( said he ) to either will be sufficient . I was forced to watch one whole day to see when he went out ; and being gone , presently went to the Shop , and enquired of his Wife for her Husband ; she answered me , he was but just gone . Well , Madam ( said I ) you can do my business as well as he , 't is onely to deliver these stones into your custody ; and so went off undiscovered . Not long after I met him in the street , carrying displeasure in his looks ; Sir ( said he ) I thought a friend would not have serv'd me so ; but I deny'd it stifly . Whereupon he was very angry , and told me he would sue me , I valu'd not his threats , and so left him ; I had not gone many paces , before I met with a friend , that complain'd to me he had lost a very valuable Locket of his Wives , it being stollen from her . Glad I was that this should fall out so pat to my purpose ; I askt him to give me a description of it , which he did punctually . Now , said I , what will you give me , if I tell you where it is ? Any thing in reason . Then go to such a Shop in Foster-Lane ( the same Shop where I cheated the man of his Ring ) and there ask peremptorily for it ; I was there at such a time and saw it ; and he would have had me help him to a Customer for it ; I' ll stay at the Star-Tavern for you . Away he went and demanded his Locket : The Jeweller deny'd he had any such thing , ( as well he might . ) Upon this he returned to me , and ( by this I had another with me ) and told me what he said . Whereupon I advised him to have a Warrant for him to fetch him before a Justice of Peace , and that I and my friend ( which saw as much as I ) would swear it . The Goldsmith was instantly sei●…'d on by a Constable , and assoon as he saw who they were that would swear against him , desired the Gentleman to drink a gl●… of wine , and then tender'd him satisfaction : But I had order'd the business that it would not be taken unless he would give us all three general releases . He knowing the danger that might ensue to life and estate if we persisted , consented to the proposal . CHAP. XLII . He puts a notable Cheat upon a Gentleman concerning his House . WAlking one time in the Fields with an Attendant or two , who would be constantly bare before me , if in company with any persons of quality , but otherwise , bail fellow well met ; I was got as far as Hackney , ere I thought where I was ; for my thoughts were busied about designs , and my wit was shaping them into a form ; casting my eye on the one side of me , I saw the prettiest built and well scituated House that ever my eyes beheld . I presently had a covetous desire to be Master thereof : I was then , as Fortune would have it , in a very gentile Garb ; I walkt but a little way further , and I soon found out a Plot to accomplish my desires . And thus it was : I returned and knockt at the Gate , and demanded of the Servant whether his Master was within ? I understood he was , and thereupon desired to speak with him . The Gentleman came out to me himself , desiring me to walk in . After I had made a general Apology , I told him my business , which was only to request the favour of him , that I might have the priviledge to bring a Workman to supervise his House , and to take the Dimensions thereof , because I was so well pleased with the Building , that I egerly desired to have another built exactly after that pattern . The Gentleman could do no less then to grant me so small a civility . Coming home , I went to a Carpenter , telling him I was about buying an House in Hackney , and that I would have him accompany me to give me ( in private ) the estimate . Accordingly we went , and found the Gentleman at home , who entertained me kindly as a stranger . In the mean time the Carpenter took an exact account of the Butts and Bounds of the House on Paper ; which was as much as I desired for that time . Paying the Carpenter well , I dismist him , and by that Paper had a Lease drawn with a very great fine ( mentioned to have been paid ) at a small Rent ; Witnesses thereunto I could not want . Shortly after I demanded Possession . The Gentleman thinking me out of my wits , only laught at me : I commenced my suit against him , and brought my own Creatures to swear the sealing and delivering of the Lease , the Carpenters evidence , with many other probable Circumstances to strengthen my cause ; whereupon I had a Verdict : The Gentleman understanding what I was , thought it safer to compound with me , and loose something , rather then loose all . CHAP. XLIII How he cheated a Scrivener under the pretence of bringing him good Security for an Hundred pound which he would borrow . ATtiring my self in one of the richest Garbs I had , I went to a Scrivener in Bow-lane , and acquainted him I had an occasion for an Hundred pound . He demanded the Names of my Security . I told him where they lived , two persons of eminent worth ( whom I knew were gone into the Country ) and desired him to make enquiry , but in it to be private and modest . The Scrivener according to my desires went and found them by report to be what they were , real , able , and sufficient men : two or three days after I called upon him to know whether I might have the money upon the Security propounded . He told me I might , bringing the persons ; and appointed me a day . According to the time I came with two of my Compliees attired like wealthy grave Citizens , who personated such persons so to the life , that the Scrivener could not entertain the least suspicion . The money being ready , I told it over , and putting it up in a bag , I and my insignificant Bondsmen sealed , leaving the Scrivener to another enquiry after us , whom , if he did not meet , I was confident he could never find out by reason of our feigned Names . It chanced that my forged and fictitious name shook hands with that of a Gentleman in Surry , who was a great purchaser , which I came to know by being accidentally in his company the next night after I had cheated this credulous Scribe , understanding likewise from him the exact place of his abode ; and , as the Devil would have it , his Christian name was the same , as well as his Sirname , with that of mine I had borrowed . Whereupon I went to the Scrivener again , and told him that now I had a fair opportunity to benefit my self very much by a purchase , provided he would assist me with 200 pound more . But Sir , said I , take notice ( in a careless and generous frankness ) that it is out of a particular respect to you , that you might profit by me that I come , again , neither will I now give you any other Security then my own Bond , though I did otherwise before . But if you will desire to be satisfied as to my Estate , pray let your servant go to such a place in Surry , there is a piece of Gold to bear his charges , and I will satisfie you farther for the loss of your Servants time . He being greedy of gain , very officiously promised me to do what I required , and would speedily give me an answer . Imagining what time his Servant would return , I repaired to him again , and understood from him by the sequel that he received as much satisfaction as in reason any man could require . Hereupon I had on my own Bond the money paid me . I cannot but laugh to think how strangely the Surry Gentleman was surprized when the money becoming due was demanded of him , and how like the figure of man in Hangings the Scrivener lookt when he found himself cheated . CHAP. XLIV . How he was revenged on a Broker for arresting him for some Goods he had past his word for upon his friends accompt . NOtwithstanding I daily thus almost cheated one or other , procuring thereby considerable sums of money , yet , by my Drinking , Whoreing , and defending my self from such as I had wronged , I seldom kept any money by me . One day as I walk'd the streets securely , as I thought , a fellow fastned his Flesh-Hooks on my Shoulder . Looking about to see what this sudden clap meant , I saw a fellow behind me , whose face lookt ten times worse then those Philistines that are pictured on Chimny-pieces , seizing upon Samson ; his mouth was as largely vaulted as that within Aldersgate ; his Visage was almost eaten through with Pock-holes , every hole so big , that they would have served for Children to play at Cherry-pit . His Nose resembled an Hand-saw ; take both Head and face together , and it appeared like the Saracens on Snow-hill ; questionless some In●…ubus begot him on a Witch . Having a little recovered my self from my amazement , I askt him what his business was with me ? He spake but little , ●…eaving his errand to his Mace ( which he shew'd me ) to relate . Away they carried me to Woodstreet at the Kings-head , from whence I sent for Bail , which speedily came to me : having put in Bail to one Action , I found another enter'd : having done the like to that I found another , half a dozen more bearing it company ; wherefore thanking my friends for the trouble I had put them to , I desired them to leave me , resolving to go to Ludgate . The two Serjeants that arrested me conducted me thither , having my name enter'd in the Paper-house , as Horses in Smithfield are in the Tole-booth : Cerberus turned the Key , and set the door as wide open as Westminster-Hall Gate in the Term-time to Country clients , to receive me from my Hell-guides , which puts me in mind of that old Verse , Noctes atque dies patet atri janua ditis . I no sooner was enter'd into this inchanted Isle , where some lie wind-bound sometimes seven years together , but a fellow ( whom at first sight I took to be a Gardner , because he had a kind of Reddish beard , and turn'd up withal ) came to me , & understanding I was a Prisoner seem'd mighty courteous , profering me his Chamber , for my Garnish sake . I accepted his kindness , & went with him to view this Cobweb-hung-Chamber , for so it proved ; I demanded of him who should be my Bedfellow ? that Gentleman there Sir , said he , that sits by the fire side : I could not forbear smiling , for he was a fat squobby fellow , though his brain seemed to be lean . I believe he was his own Barber , and was forc'd to make use of a Knife instead of a Razor ; for his beard it was cut round like a rubbing-brush . Certainly , had all the skin of his body been like that of his face , it would have served excellent well when he was dead to make cloke-bags of . Not content with this lodging , I sought out another ; liking it somewhat better then the former , I pitcht on it . Assoon as they understood my resolution , they worried me presently like angry Mastaffs , barking for their Garnish ; I told them they should have it to morrow , at which they grumbled like the greatest strings of a Base-Viol . Before I went to Bed I must pay for a pair of sheets , that never came nigh Holland by three hundred miles , and out of much civility my Bedfellow brought me a candle not so long as his nose to light me to Bed. The next morning I made it my business to get out assoon as I could ; some I paid , others I non-suited , and so got clear . Being out I resolved not to rest till I had revenged my self on this Broker that had thus troubled me . I needed not means , for the Devil seldom failed to help my inventions . I pretended to go into the Country , and in order to it pack'd up a Trunk of what I had most valuable and portable , and getting a Porter , sent it to an Inn where a Norwich-Carryer used to lye , but I knew him to be gone the day before . Going along with the Porter , I enquired for such a Carryer , but they told me he was gone , and would not return till the next week . I askt them where I might lay my Trunk safe : they shewed me a Room ; where bidding the Porter sit down , I called for some Ale , telling the Porter , moreover , that I would have him be a witness of what there was in the Trunk , lest I should be dishonestly dealt by ; whereupon I unlockt it , desiring him to take notice , which he did , & to be more sure took an inventory in Writing . Having paused a little , now I think upon it ( said I ) Porter , it will not be so safe to leave this here in a publique house as in a friends , wherefore prethee go buy a Cord , and thou shalt carry it elsewhere . Whilest he was gone , I took out the chiefest things and put in rubbish , or what I could get , and so lockt it again . The Potter returning , we corded the Trunk , and carried it to this Broker , who took it kindly from me , that I would intrust him after our controversie , and received it . The next week I told him I would call for it , in order to the sending it into the Country . The time being come , I took the same Porter with me , and demanding the Trunk , it was forthwith delivered me . Come , Porter , said I , you must uncord it again , for I have present use for something therein contain'd ; which being done , I seemingly amaz'd , cry'd out I was rob'd , taxing the Broker for so doing , villifying him for his knavery . He protested that he never lookt on it to his knowledge since the receipt thereof . Well Sir ( said I ) this shall not serve your turn , this honest Porter knows how differently it is fraught from what he saw it at first . In a great seeming heat I left him , but before he slept I sent a couple of Serjeants to him , who arrested him ; coming to tryal , by the assistance of two ( resolv'd Jurors ) and this Porter , I overthrew him , and recovered above forty pound , besides cost of Suit. CHAP. XLV . How he coaeened a rich Usurer , and a young Tradesman . BEing resolved to go and look out some of my Consorts to rejoyce together for my good success in my advantagious revenge , I met with an old comrade that had lately heav'd a Booth , Anglise broken open a Shop , who told me he had a quantity of good comodities , & desired me to put them off for him , knowing that I dealt in Brokeage in goods indirectly come by : I promis'd him I would . The next day he delivered what he had into my hands , I instantly carried them to an old Usurer that would grasp at any thing , telling him I only desired to Mort-gage them for such a time , requesting to lend me fifty pounds thereon . He looking upon them to be thrice the value of that sum , lent me freely the quantity of mony propounded , & in my sight took the Goods and laid them in a place next his Bed-chamber . The same day I met with this friend , who demanded of me whether I had done his business ? No , not yet ( said I ) it will be to morrow first : However let us drink a glass of wine , which he readily consented to . Having drank pretty smartly , he could not contain himself ( so powerful are the operations of Wine , as it frequently makes a man divulge that which carrieth in it inevitable ruine ) I say he told me whose Shop it was he rob'd , and at what time . I seem'd to take little notice then , though I intended to make good use of it . Parting with him , I went streight way to the person rob'd , & told him that accidentally I was inform'd of his late loss , and that my intent of coming was out of a principle of honesty , to assist him in the recovery of what was stollen from him . But before I acquainted him with any thing I required of him a Bond of 10 ●… . if I helpt him to his Goods ; which he granted me . I advised him to get the Lord chief Justices warrant , which he did , and taking some friends with him , I directed them where they should go , and in what place they should find them . He would have had me gone with him , but that I excused my self , alledging it would be inconvenient . Taking a Constable with them , they went & found what they sought for according to my direction , which they seiz'd , leaving the old man to condole his loss , which had been no great matter had not his life lain in his Purse . Having thus carried on my mischievous contrivances with continued impunity ; the next I fell on was a young Merchant , to whom I went gentily habited , with a foot-boy waiting at my heels . I lookt out several Commodities , and laid them aside , assuring him that I would e're long lay out a considerable parcel of money with him . We discours'd upon the price , & in the conclusion closed . The next day I appointed the Goods to be sent home to my House , and in the interim desired him to go along with me , and accept of what poor accommodation my habitation would afford him , under the pretence of being better acquainted , but my design was to raise in him a good opinion of me , for I had one room ( especially ) very richly hung with costly Furniture . My motion was entertained , and away we went , where I treated him nobly ; the next day the Commodities were sent in with his Servant , who expected his money , but I pretended that my Cashier was abroad , and so desired him to call the next morning ; he did , but then I was not to be spoken with . Thus he did so often till the young man was weary . At last the Master himself came , who met me just as I was going out ; who had not the patience to ask for his money , but presently railed most bitterly , calling me cheat , knave , &c. and that he would not put himself to the trouble of posting me up , but would have a Warrant for me instantly . Being gone , I was as nimble as himself , having a couple of my Emissaries ready for him against his return . It was not long before he came strutting with a Constable . Perceiving him coming , I sent my two friends out with their Warrant , and putting it into the Constables hand , charged him in the Kings name to execute it upon such a one , meaning the Merchant ; who dared not deny it , but carried him before a Justice , before whom my two Rogues swore flat felony , and so was committed . Sending for friends , they advised him to make an end thereof . Whereupon I was much solicited ; and upon consideration I consented to cause my friends to forbear prosecution . As yet I have not fully unbowell'd the huge bulk of my villany , that hath proved so burdensome to the world , and destructive to so many Families ; wherefore give me leave a little farther to anatomize my own vicious nature , and I shall so lay open the ulcers and sores of my impostumed machinations , apparent to the sight of every one , that the most Ospray and Owl-eyed spectator shall confess there never was a more necessary and commodious discovery revealed . Brother , said I , for so I must call you now , your flagitious deeds claiming that title , & must be compell'd I see to give you superiority , the upperhand , for I am confident the line of other mens inventions never sounded the Sea of a more deep and dreadful mischief . When I consider how powerful and imperious vice is of late grown ; and what horrid facts are committed every where by licentious and wicked men that swarm in all places : I admire that the Fabrick of the Earth is not continually palsyed by Earth-quakes , since there is a Creator above that oversees such actions . That the Earth her self ( though an indulgent Mother ) doth not receive into her Womb her off-spring , and therein for shame hide them : that the air is not choaked with Froggs , and that black pitchy mists do not perpetually masque the face of Heaven , and leave the World in obscurity ; and that the Sun doth not hide his face from seeing such enormous crimes blacker then is the Eclipse of his countenance : and lastly , that the Sea is not turned to blood to put us in mind of the cruel and remorseless usages of one another ; our kindness being commonly attended with discourtesies of a Vermilion hue . Thus Brother you see I am sensible of my miscarriages , but want the power to regulate my life . I would have proceeded , but that I found this discourse grated in his ears ; wherefore I desired him to prosecute his story , which he did in this manner . CHAP. XLVI . He discovers the subtlety of some Citizens he had to do withal by Broking for them , relating his own craft and cunning , and what the consequent was , the ruine of young Gentlemen . LIke an Hawk as I told you , I flew at all Game , not confining my self to any one thing particularly ; where I could abuse the Law , I did ; and if I had an opportunity to Trepan , I seldome failed , &c. Some part of 〈◊〉 ●…me I spent in the enquiry of what young 〈◊〉 were arrived , into whose society I was sure by one means or other to insinuate my self . These Country Wood-cocks I knew how to catch with a City Springe ; whom I very well understood , had rather be out of the world then out of the fashion , who would be brave for the present time , though their Gallantry cost them all their future Fortunes . I commonly laid my plot thus : Sir , you undervalue your self by the meanness of your Habit , it being so unsuitable to your quality : if you want money , you cannot want credit , having a fair promising estate in reversion ; if you are willing , I will find you out a believing Mercer . Returning me many thanks , it may be he would be in such hast as to send me presently . He could not be so eager to have his gaudy desires satisfied , as I forward to accomplish them . I knew where to go readily to one , with whom I went snips ; in so saying , I would not have any think I throw dirt upon that noble profession . If I discover the fraud of any particular person , as long as I name him not , I do him no wrong ; but if I detect by what deceitful and sinister means he worketh upon the infirmity of the youth of a green-witted Gallant , it may serve for an use of instruction . In the most famous Universities there are some Dunces resident , that by disgracing themselves , disgrace also their fellow Students . In the most virtuous Courts there will be some Parasits . So in the most goodly and glorious City under Heavens Canopy , there are some Asps lurking , that sting the reputation of their Brethren by their poysonous and corrupt dealings . There are knaves in all Trades but Book-selling . But to my purpose : a young Gentleman coming out of Norfolk to see the City , & finding so many ( beneath him in estate ) gallant it so much above him , he grew very melancholy : hapning to be in his company , and indifferently well acquainted with him , I askt him the cause of his sadness ? after I had prest him very much , he ingeniously confest the true original of his pensiveness . Pish , said I , is that all ? let me alone to effect what you desire ; neither shall you wait longer then the morrow . Leaving my Gentleman , away I went to a person fit for my purpose , & gave him an account of my business : glad he was , thankt me for my pains , promising me a reward , and would needs have me to a Tavern to consult this affair . Having concluded every thing , I repaired the next day to my Gentleman , who over-joyed to see me , was impatient to know whether his wishes were consummated . Come along with me , said I , and we will try what we can do . I have been very importunate with the Mercer , but as yet I cannot mollifie him , it may be your presence may do much . Finding him in the Shop . I called him aside ; and told him this was the Gentleman . My young Gentleman that would be gallant presently , fell aboard him ( and with much fervency and protestations ) he wooe●… the Mercer to credit him for 30 l. worth of commodities . I called him aside , saying , What will 30 l. worth do ? take up 100 l. worth , and what you use not , I will dispose by sale , to furnish your Pockets with money . He thankt me kindly for my advice , and returned to the Mercer , who ask'd him , if he should credit him with so much , what securiry would he propound ? This struck my young Gentleman as dumb as a Codshead . The Mercer perceiving he had nothing to say , plaid the Rope-maker , being extream backward to trust him ; Bonds he refused , Judgments he would not hear of , Statutes he scorned : For , said he , Gentlemen of late have found out so many tricks to couzen their Creditors ( I by the same means having had several collops cut from the body of my estate ) that I will not credit any more : whereas he spake this only to grind the blunt appetite of my Commodity-taker into a sharper edge , and make him more greedy of his own ruine ; imitating in this a cunning and deceitful , though petulant and wanton Curtezan , who is nice when a sick-brain'd young Gallant importunes her to admit of his amorous kindness , only to make him more fierce upon his own confusion : holding him off like a Fencer , a month or two , that he may come up the roundlier to her purpose . But to the matter . My Gentleman being in a manner denied , seconded him thus ; Sir , you know not what you do in refusing to credit this Gentleman ; he is his Fathers heir , a man of a vast estate , and very aged : This his son is about a very great match , a rich heiress , and though he hath not mony for the present , yet let him have an hundred pounds worth of Commodities , you need not doubt your payment , and it will do him at this present a 1000 pounds worth of good . The Mercer began to hearken to this and protested to my Green-goose , that he would be glad to do any a pleasure , so as not to injure himself ; that if he could but possess him with a belief that he should have his mony in six months , he would freely let him have an hundred pounds worth of what he pleased : the young Gentleman protested , and I warranted it ; and the Mercer ( though seemingly loath ) condescended , upon this proviso still , that he should procure some man else to be bound with him as good as himself ; For , said he , we are all mortal , and having not a lease of our lives , we may die before to morrow ; where is then my 100 l. ? Sig●…ior Unthrift is once more put to his non-plus , but at length fell to intreat me , who would not by any means , and so we parted . He would not let me rest for two or three days together , so that at last , provided he would give me ten pound , I would : agreed , we went again to the Mercer , and entring into Bonds , we had the commodities . Having made my young Gentleman an absolute Gallant , I went to sell what was left , of which I made 40 l. but I made my Gallant to be contented with 30 l. alledging , that when goods come once to be sold , they will not yeild the moiety of what they cost , though new : and out of that 30 l. I had my 10 l. for suretyship . Thus I perswaded him to be very well satisfied . He revels about , whilst I was contriving to leave him as bare of means as Brains . Now doth my Mercer dream of nothing but his pay-day , which he hoped would be broken . The time being expired , and my young Novice not minding it , the Mercer invited him to a dinner in Fish-street : dinner being almost ended , for a third course came up a couple of Sergeants stewed with Mace , who arrested him at the suit of the Founder of the Feast ; not procuring Bail , he was carried to the Counter , where he lay some time : his friends hearing thereof , endeavour'd to get him out , by an Audita querela ; my Mercer hearing thereof advised with me what was best to be done . Agree , said I , with some Officer in the Exchequer , and so turn the debt over to the King , pretending you owe him so much mony ; for the Chancery will not , or cannot allow any thing in such a case against his Majesty . He so doing , his business was done for the present . Thus have I read , when the Jews have bought a red-hair'd Boy , at first they will cloath him in silks , ravishing him with all the delights that can be thought on , never have Musick from his ears , or banquets from his taste ; and thus use him , till they see he is plump , fat , and fit for their purpose : but when the poor Boy least thinks of his imminent ruine , he is taken by a brace of slaves , and tied up by the he●…ls , so beaten by degrees to death with cudgels , purging the rankest poyson out of his mouth , and making Mummy of his flesh . I shall leave it to the Reader to make application . In short , I perswaded the Mercer to take a Bond of 500 l. of his Prisoner , to be paid after his fathers decease . This Widgeon being in the nets , sealed to any thing for his liberty . He was not the first so served , by thousands . And that is the reason there are so many crested Citizens : for Gentlemen being begger'd by their extortion , they have no other means then to fall in with their Wives , purchasing from them a supply . This is it that makes the Roads every where so full of High-way-men , who will borrow of men when they have little mind to lend , but not without giving them Bonds . This makes Tyburn , the Metropolitan , and other petty Gallowses , have so many hangers on ; and this is the cause so many such Citizens sons are plagued after their Fathers deaths , as their Fathers , when living , have plagued others . These are the Boars that plow up whole Acres , nay , Fields of Gentlemens Lands with their Snouts ; these are the Swine that eat up whole Orchards , and these are they whose siery consciences drink up whole Fish-ponds at a draught ; and lastly , they are the Hurry-canes that root up the trees of whole woods together . From such , Libera nos Domine . To conclude , take this as an infallible Maxime , that the worst of Creditors are either very rich men , or very poor men : The rich man can stay for his mony , and therefore will have all or none ; the poor man to be sure will have no pity , neither do I see how he should , for it may be the debt is all he is worth . CHAP. XLVII . How he insinuated himself into the acquaintance of all he thought he could prey upon , and what tricks he used to build his interest upon their ruine . HOw can that Tyrant flourish in his Commonwealth , when the foundation of his Reign was built on the Sepalchre of the right and lawful Heir he murther'd ? And how can that man prosper , whose rise he rear'd from other mens ruines ? Such was I , who having oftentimes been gulled by Knaves , turned Knave my self , and did as greedily hunt after such I could make a prey of , ( to repair the damages I had sustain'd by others ) as the devil doth after Usurers souls , being on their death-beds , resolving to live like a Bandite on the spoil . Like an old Souldier having been beaten to the world , ( or indeed more properly , beaten by the world ) I began to summon up all my senses and my idle brains to a strict account , how to get that up again , my riot and folly had spent ; and thinking I had no way to recover my self , but by what ruined me , I did cast about me , and fished after this manner . I prepared my lines , providing baits , and made ready my hooks , which had such constant and firm barbs , that after I had struck a Gudgeon in the gills , I was sure to hold him , though I suffer'd him to play a little in the stream . The Flouds I daily frequented , were either the Temple , Ordinaries , Play-houses , Cock-pits , Brothels , or Taverns , leaving no place unsearch'd , wherein there might be any thing worthy a Bait. If such I found , like a shadow I was never from his heels , but followed him close , especially if he was a young Country-Gentleman , whom his father had sent up to see fashions in the Citie : and rather then he should go out as raw as he came in , I failed not to season him in one of the Cities Powdering-Tubs . First , I made it my business to know what his Father allowed him ; then would I studie his natural disposition and inclination , and accordingly sute my self to him , so that by my behaviour towards him , he should look upon me to be his Masculine Sweet-heart , his bosom-friend , and that like Hippocrates twins , we must needs live and die together . Having now by much sweat and industrie adapted and fitted him to my humour and purpose , and wrought him to such a soft and waxen temperature , that I could make what impression I pleased on him , I brought him acquainted with some of my accomplices , who all vail'd bonnet to him , invited him from Tavern to Tavern , not letting him expend a penny ; or if he wanted money , I would supply him with four or five pound . This Innocent ( not having yet scented the Citie-air ) all this while thinks himself in Elysium , fancying he enjoys more de●…ghts then the Turks Paradise affords , and withal imagineth h●…mself not a little graced , to be entertained amongst such seeming Gallants . For my Rogues ( give me the libertie to call them so ) lookt on it as the greatest piece of police to wear good cloaths , though their ●…ockets were wo●…e furnished then a Chandlers box , that seldom hath any greater money in it , then Two peice , Three pence , Groats , &c. Sometimes my C●…llie did meet with such ( that knew me ) who would advise him to have a care and not to keep me companie , for I was a dangerous person , and in the end would ruine him . Whereas it was to little purpose : for when Youth is in its full vigour , and height of desire , neither wholesom counsel , nor Iamentable examples , will give them warning of their future destruction . Still I continued my seeming respects and kindnesses to him , which I onely intended as the Praeludium or Prologue to that Play which was to come after : for my Country Cock-brain being honeyed with these sweet delights , thought that whatever he could return , was not able to give an answerable satisfaction . Watching a fit opportunitie ( when he is well warm'd with wine ) then would I perswade him , ( which was no difficult matter ) to be bound with 〈◊〉 for so much , &c. which I promised I would repay at the day , without putting him to any inconvenience : but he knew not , that what I borrowed for an hou●… , I borrowed for an age . When I could squeeze no more juice out of him , then I left him to the mercy of his Creditors , to be dealt w●…thal as the Topinjay in the Fable , who being summoned to appear with the rest of the winged Tribe , before their King the Eagle , borrowed of all the finer sort of Birds feathers to adorn him , and make him appear splended before his Soveraign . After he wat dismiss'd , he proudly flutter'd up and down the woods with his borrow'd gallantry , which made the little Titmoase , Wren , and Hedge-Sparrow adore him . They to whom he was obliged for his gallantry , hearing thereof , demanded again their own , and so deplum'd him , whereby he seem'd ten times worse then those small birds that lately did admire him . Such Popinjays are they , who borrow of every Citizen , to make themselves shew glorious in the worlds eye ; but when their Creditors shall come and claim their own , and get it , they will seem more foul then lately they did fair . So various and villanous were the pranks I committed every day , that I was forced now , like an Owl , to appear only by night in the Citie . If I d●…d at any time transgress that custom , I did then as the dogs of Egypt , when they come to drink of the river Nil●… , lap here and there , and dare not stay long in one place , for fear the Crocodiles that lie lurking within the Banks , should pull them into the current : so did I , skulking here and there , then to one Tavern ; and not daring to stay longer there , shifted to another . But to proceed . CHAP. XLVIII . How he could make Ink that would disappear from the Paper , accordingly as he pleased , by the strength or weakness of the composition . His imitating exactly both Hand and Seal . A remarkable Story thereupon . REading one time a book that an Italian vvrit , I found therein a description of several sorts of Ink , and how to make them ; but more especially , an Ink that should last a week , a month , or two , according to the composition . I made an experiment , and found it hit indifferently well : perceiving how beneficial this would be to me , I resolved not to rest till I had found out the true Receipt ; which I did at last , by much study and industry . Having obtain'd it , I so highly valued it , that methought I would not have parted with it for the Philosophers Stone . Not to be tedious , I did abuse there with many persons with Bonds , Leases , Deeds , Acquittances , &c. there appearing in such a time nothing but the bare Seal , the paper remaining as white as if never writ on . By the help of Graving , I could counterfeit Seals exactly , insomuch that I have often cheated the Grand Cheater , Oliver , the late hypocritical and bloudy Tyrant ; and by an exact imitation of an hand-writing , his Council was too too sensible of what Cheats I put upon them . That I was no bungler at it , I shall give you this instance . Accidentally coming acquainted with a Gentlewoman , very beautiful and well featur'd , her sparkling eyes set me all in a flame , so that I resolved to attempt the enjoyment of her . Oftentimes I visited her , and by the modesty of my carriage towards her , she perceived not my burning lust . One time having a fit opportunity , she being alone , I communicated my thoughts to her : waving what amorous discourse past on my side , I would have fallen roundly to the matter ; but she understanding my intent , cry'd out ; whereupon ) desisted , seeing it was to little purpose if I proceeded . Sitting down by her , she exprest an absolute hatred to me for my incivility , and vow'd she would neither see nor endure me more . The vehemence of her utterance and countenance fully declared she was in earnest ; so that I saw 't was time to be gone . Looking about ( unperceived by her ) I took up half a sheet of paper of her writing , and clap●… it into my pocket ; and so took my leave . Coming home , I found my love converted into hatred , and therefore vowed my revenge : and thus it was . I understood from her , whereabout her husband liv'd , and what his Christian name was , with somthing of her concerns ; that her husbands mother could not endure her , ( because her son married her without a portion , though a wise , discreet , vertuous , and handsome woman ) and whereabout she lived , with name , &c. I counterfeited a Letter , as from this vertuous Gentlewoman , to a Gallant of hers , taxing him with want of love , and that if he proved not more constant , she had no more to say to him , &c. The contents you shall have in the Letter it self , as followeth . Most beloved by me of men ! I cannot blame you so much as my self : it is customary for man to proffer , but then it should be a womans duty to refuse : but alas ! how could I withstand the powerful perswasions of your cloquent tongue , especially when they carried with them so much seeming reality of affection and constancy ? I finde you now like other vow-breaking men , who having obtained the fruition of their desires , their appetite nauseates that which before it so eagerly crav'd . Call to minde those many endeared and melting expressions you did voluntarily utter , when I was encircled in thine arms ; and if that will not reduce you to your former station , and good esteem of me , now so much slighted by you , consider that I have preferred you in love before my Husband , not caring how much I wronged him to pleasure you . If nothing will prevail , know then , this shall be my resosolution , that since you have alienated my affection from my Husband , and you thus unworthily desert me , I will procure a Subject elsewhere shall out-do you in every thing , as much or more as you have out-done my Husband . I am young , plump , handsome , and buck some ; what then should hinder me from enjoying such a person , my heart will not rest satisfied till I have found ? which having done , he shall lead me in thy view , and then it is probable you will desire , but never shall reassume your place again within my breast . Farewel . This Letter was sent to her Mother-in-law in the Country , who was glad she had matter to impeach her daughter to her son . Assoon as he saw the Letter , he very well knew the hand , he thought , and would have sworn it to be his wifes : but reading the contents , the poor man was ready to sink down for grief . Perturbation of minde would not let him rest in his Countrydwelling , but rid up Post to London , where he soon found out his wife . The unexpected fight of him at first surprised her , not hearing of his coming , and knowing that his occasions were very urgent in the Country ; however , like a truly-loving wife , she was overjoy'd to see him , and would have kiss'd him , but that he rudelie thrust her off ; which action struck her to the heart , and overwhelm'd her in amazement . Prethee Sweet-heart ( said she ) what is the matter ? There , read it , said he , throwing her the Letter . She read it , and swounded : he let her lie , not caring whether she liv'd or dy'd ; and haddy'd indeed , had not her Maid come up accidentally . Being recovered , he ask'd her whether it was her hand . She could not deny it : which made the man rage , ready to run out of his wits , whilst she was silent with astonishment , taking such inward grief , that she betook her self to her bed . Nothing could comfort her , neither would she take any thing to sustain life . Hearing how powerfully my forgeries had wrought , to the hazard of somes lives ; in the same hand I sent him a Letter , wherein I gave him an account of the designe , proclaiming to the world the Gentlewomans honesty , unspotted and unstain'd . The Gentlewoman recover'd in a little time after ; but this trick had too much seiz'd upon my Gentleman ; for like a fool he fell distracted in a sneering posture , as pleas'd to think his wife was honest notwithstanding . I have been somewhat long in this relation , because it was a passage very remarkable . Now I shall tell you how I cheated a young Citizen and an Upholster . CHAP. XLIX . How he cheated a young Citizen newly set up , and an Upholster . A Young Citizen about to set up , and wanting some money , was directed to me , to procure so much as his present occasion required . I treated him very civilly , promising him very fairly ; and in order thereunto , appointed him a day ; which being come , contrary to my expectation or desire , he brought a crew with him , to see the receipt of the money . Judging this time inconvenient for my designes , I told him I expected the money this very day ; but if he pleased to seal the Bond , and have it witnessed , he might keep it himself ; and bringing the Bond with him the next day , he should not fail to have his money . The next day he came to the place appointed , where I was ready to wait him . As good fortune would have it , he came alone . I discours'd with him a while : at last I desired him to let me see the Bond ; which he delivered into my hand , being sign'd and seal'd before . I took this as a good and lawful livery , and put it up into my pocket . He asked me what I meant . I told him he should know when the Bond became due . Why Sir , said he , you will not serve me so ? Dost thou think I am such a fool ( said I ) to lend thee so much money upon a piece of Paper , which next showre of rain will wash away with thy self into the common shore ? Shall I trust thee , when thou canst not trust thy self ? At this the young man began to be clamorous ; but one of my accomplices soon fill'd the clapper of his mouth , by a sound knock on the pate , which laid him asleep : and in the mean time we marcht off . Just as the money came due upon the Bond , my flock-pated ( it was gone to tell his friends in the country the danger of Counters and prisons in the Citie . Wanting another time some money to supply my present occasions , I could not think of any stratagem for the present to assist me in this necessity , but to sell my featherbed , with furniture thereunto belonging . Packing them up , I got a friend to go along with the Porter , and sell them to an Upholster . Which my friend did , bringing me half their worth ; but withal , that which was more then the whole worth , the name of the person . A week afterwards , wanting my bed , I resolved to have it again . Whereupon I went to him that bought it , asking him before a couple I carried along with me , whether at such a time there were not such commodities sold him . He acknowledged there was . I desired to see them : and he as readily granted that . Sir , said I , these are my goods : I was lately rob'd , and now I know you are the receiver : I must have you before a Justice , to know how you came by them . The naming of a Justice so terrified this simple silly fellow , that he bid me take them if I would swear they were mine , and put him to no further trouble . First I wore they were my goods , ( and therein I was not perjur'd ) but I told him I could not receive stollen goods safely , though they were my own . In short , I got my bed and furniture thereunto again , with money to boot . CHAP. L. He is at last met withal , and laid up in Prison by one of his Creditors . The abuses and tricks Sergeants use to arrest men . Lastly , he escaped , by putting atrick upon his Keeper . HAving gone thus far without any remarkable check or controul , at least any such as might bear a proportion with the villanies and injuries I had done ; I absolutely thought that nothing was dishonest or difficult that had in it either pleasure or profit . Meeting with no molestation or hinderance , I took my freedom to do even what I listed . One time thinking my self most secure , I then found my self in the greatest danger , being arrested in an Action of 5000 l. Several times there were attempts made to take me , but I was still too cunning for them : yet at last they overreacht me ; it will not beamiss to relate in what manner . They had information , that every week I had Letters come to me out of Essex , and that the Porter which brought them had still free admittance to me : wherefore the Serjeant provided himself a Frock , and a Rope about his middle , which would better have become his neck , and with Letters in his hand directed to me , trudged to my lodging . Knocking at my door , and being demanded his business , he told them he had Letters for the master of the house , nominating me . Looking out , and seeing no one but a seeming Porter , I order'd that he should be let in . Assoon as he was enter'd , he bid my Worship good morrow , and in stead of delivering me his Letters , shewed me his Mace ; which I wisht might be the onely spice and meat too he should eat for a twelvemonth . Seeing how I was betraid , I went quickly along with him to the Compter ; and afterwards , finding I could make no composition with my Creditors , turned my self over to the Kings-Bench . Various are their tricks and inventions to ensuare whom they intend to arrest . Sometimes I have known a Creditor seem to comply with his Debtor , telling him that paying some inconsiderable matter , his Bonds should be renewed with longer time : then appoint him a place of meeting , where he saith he will bring a Counsellor and Scrivener ; a Counsellor to advise them in management of their business , and a Scrivener to write what they determine . He acquainted a Sergeant and a Yeoman with his Plot , who were as hot upon it , as an Italian on a Wench of 15. The Serjeant going with a Barristers Gown on his back , and the Yeoman with his beard cut as close as a stubble field , with a Pen in his ear , and some Parchment in his hand , effected their design without suspicion . A Merchant I knew , that intended to break and go beyond Sea , was betraid by his servant , who informed his Creditors that at such a time his Mr. vvould be gone : that on the morrow he would send for Coopers to hoop some dry-fats to pack his goods ; and that if ever they hoped to have their money , they must make that their time . Some Serjeants were presently acquainted herewith , vvho attired like Coopers in red Caps , canvase Brecches , with Ads in their hands , and Hoops about their shoulders , went to the Merchant and vve●…e entertained ; vvhilst he vvas giving them direction ; but in stead of hooping the dry-fats , they hoopt him in their arms , and arrested him . Before they parted vvith him , they made him part vvith so much money as would satisfie his Creditors and them ; and made him fee them besides , not then to enter any more Actions against him . They will change themselves into as many shapes as Proteus , to bring about their designe : sometimes like a grand wealthy Citizen , othertimes like a Country-fellow newly come to town , vvith boots and spurs all dirty . Now as I have related their manner of arresting , so let me briefly inform you of their using ( or rather abusing ) prisoners . First they enquire of the person vvhether this be the first time he vvas arrested : if so , then they know the better how to deal vvith him . Perhaps they will carry him to the Tavern , pretending to do him kindness , where they will advise him to send for some friend ; and one of them will be the Porter himself ; but in stead of fetching the friend , he only enquires out his Creditors , and perswades them to use this opportunity to recover their debt : mean while , the other that is left behind doth milk him . The messenger returning , sorrowfully tells him his friend is not at home . Getting as much as they can by spunging , and sucking the very heart-bloud of his pocket , the Compter must be his refuge at last . Sometimes , seeing a man in fear of arresting , they will without warrant of the Creditor give him a cast of their Office , often arresting him before they enter their Action ; and have ways to prevent a mans injuring them by search in the Offices . Other times for a fee they will send to the party to keep out of the way , having received a fee to that end before . Oftentimes , having arrested , if the Creditor stand not by , they will let the party go for a brace of Angels , or so ; telling his adversary that he cannot set eye on him . And though their fee for an Arrest is to be but I●… yet will they hardly be wrought upon to do their Office under a Crown : and though the Statute say that the arrested shall pay but one Groat , I will not excuse him for an Angel. If a man oppose them , or struggle for an escape , they will both gripe and pinch him , and afterwards clap an Action of Assault and Battery on him at their own suit . I could say more of them , but that for fear I must be favourable , being now , as I tell you , a prisoner in the Kings-Bench , which may be called , The Bankrupts Banque●…ting-house , where he feasts himself on dishes borrowed from other mens tables ; or , The Predigals Purgatory , and A Pesthouse for decaying Citizens . Being wearie of this place , wherein are as many maladies and mischiefs as flew out of Pandora's box opened by Epimetheus ; I invented this stratagem : One day I pretended much business abroad , and so got leave to go out with my Keeper , resolving not to return with him . Having been from Tavern to Alehouse , and so to Tavern again , pretending the dispatch of much business I at length told my Keeper , that I would visit a very dea friend of mine , but that I thought it requisite to be trim'd first . He consenting , we went to a Barbers . I sat down in the Chair first ; and being dispatcht , I desired the Keeper to sit down too , and I would pay for sprucifying his Phisnomy . Whilst he was trimming I talkt of one thing or other , to hold him in discourse . At last said the Barber , Shut your eyes , or else my ball will offend them . Shutting his eyes , I took an occasion to slip out , planting my self in an house hard by ; the Barber not imagining I was a prisoner . The Keeper not hearing me talk , valued not the smart , but opened his eyes ; and seeing me not in the shop , rose up , and that so hastily , that he overthrew Cutbeard , and the bason on him , running out into the street with the Barbers cloth about him , and Don Barberoso's Turbant on his head . The people seeing him thus with the froth about his face , concluded him mad , and as he ran gave him the way . The Barber with his Razor ran after the Keeper , crying , Stop him , stop him , that I may be revenged on the Rogue . The other nere minding the Outery , ran staring up and down as if his wits had lately stole away from him , and he in pursuit of them . Some durst not stop him , others would not , thinking the Barber by his posture intended to have his Testicles for abusing his wife . To conclude , the Barber at last seis'd him , and having recovered his cloaths and made him pay 6 d. for shaving , the Keeper was d●…mist with a kick or two in the arse ; the Barber not suffering him to speak a word in his own defence . Thus freeing my self , I resolv'd to take the Country-air , where I happily met with you . Many other things worthy remembrance did he relate , which now I have forgot . Some while we staid together ; but at last his business call'd him one way , and my Padding Trade invited me another . The English Padder or Hiway Robber Portrayd . CHAP. LI. He is laid up in Oxford - Goal by his Host ; he is cheated at Chester ; and after some time is ransomed thence by some of his Comrades , Knights of the Road , they paying his Debts . OUr Crew having been abroad , we had got a valuable Purchase ; which after we had divided , I told them , that I would but visit a friend at Oxford , and repair to them again within two or three days . My old Acquaintance being overjoy'd to see me , after so long absence , treated me very gallantly , introducing me into the society of the Wits ; who would frequently drink too , till they had lost them . The Company pleased me so well , that I thought it a solecisin in civility , to be sober , when they made any appointment for m●…h ; and they being true Bacchanalians , in the uppermost Classis of Aristippus's School , scorn'd to be oucvy'd by a junior Sophister ; and therefore , do what I could , they would be drunk before me : they never comended about any argument that tended to eb●…ery , but swallowed them all . I thought they would never have done speaking of Sack ; every one endeavoring who should express most in its praise . One said , That Diogenes was but a dry fellow ; and the only reason he could give for it , was , That it is shrewdly suspected by the Commentators on his Tub , that that wooden-house of his was given him by a Beer-brewer , who being , an enemy to all good wit : and learning , ciates , unfortunately my Chester-Landlord ( who having some business to do in Oxford , was newly come thither to dispatch it ) espy'd me , and without accosting me ( like a subtile Sophister ) watcht me whither I went : being housed , he presently fetcht two Officers , and coming out into the street napt me . I sent to those friends that had been so merry with me ever since my coming to that City ; but they understanding the business , came not neer me ; one pretending in disposition of body ; another , that he was not within ; a third , that he was about urgent occasions , which having finisht , he would wait upon me ; but in fine , none came to my relief , shewing themselves right pot-companions , whose courtesies it may be , shall extend to the payment of a Reckoning , when their friend wants it to discharge it himself ; but disappear and vanish , when their assistance is implored to draw him out of Prison . Seeing no remedy , I patiently suffered my self to be confined . My adversary visiting me , I treated with him about my releasment , offering him what I had , which was neer upon half ; but his resolution was to have all , or there I must lie . Though I could not much condemn him , yet I could not but complain against the inconstancy of Fortune ; and ruminating within my minde the miseries that attend all sorts of prisons , I judged that of Debt to be the most deplorable : and though I wanted liberty , which commonly doth depress the minde , yet by the vertue of Canary ( which I could not be without ) my fancy scorned to be fettered , but would in spite of fate , use her freedom . 'T is some kinde of pleasure and comfort , for a man sometimes in adversity , to descant on his own miserable condition ; which because I found experimentally true , I applied my self to my usual custom , the use of my pen , differencing these Metropolitan Prisons thus : To Bedlam men are sent bereft of wit ; When 't is restored , then they are freed from it : Confin'd to Newgate long , men can't complain , For once a month they 're cleer'd from it and pain ; In a short time their Bolts wear off , and then They may be sure ne're to come there agen ; Discharged thence their fettered souls shall be , Only an hour confin'd , and then set free . Bridewel , n●… wise man yet did e're dispraise thee , For thou dost feed the poor , correct the lazy ; The expiration of a little time , Forgives offenders , and forgets their Crime . Hereafter from this Prison , Heav'n defend me , Rather to Bedlam , Newgate , Bridewel , send me ; For there Wit , Work , or Law doth set men free , Nothing but Money here gets liberty . Having lain here above a week , I sent away a Letter to my Brethren , informing them of my misfortune , and acquainting them with the sum I was imprisoned for ; which was sent me by them , and brought by one of our trusty Knights : paying my Debt and Fees , I returned again to them . CHAP. LII . He returns to his Brethren the Knights of the Road , whom he finds with two or three Gentlemen , strangers ; he cheats one of them of a very fair and rich Watch. MY Companions took little notice of me at my return , which made me think there was some design in hand ; but according to their usual course , fell to drink high : observing two or three faces , I tipt a wink to one of my Brethren ; being in another room ; I asked him , who they were ; he replied , Gentlemen that were travelling into the North ; to which he added , We have been pumping them ( ever since we did thrust our selves into their company ) to know what store of Cash they had about them ; but we find little more then will defray their necessary expences on the Road ; only , said he , there is one of them hath a very rich Watch : I bid him return to his place , and I would warrant him to have it before he stirred . I came in again to the company , not taking the least cognizance of any , but shewed much tespect and civility to them all , as a stranger ; I purposely askt what it was a clock : one of the Gentlemen , and of my friends both , pulled forth their Watches , striving who should first give me satisfaction to my question ; after this , they viewed interchangeably the workmanship of one & the other , both praising the seeming goodness of each others Watch. At last my friend makes a propofition : Come , Sir , if you please we will make an exchange upon sentence and repentance . The stranger desired to understand his meaning : Why , Sir , said he , we will commit them both into the hands of any one indifferent person , and what difference he shall judge there is between them , shall be given in money by him whose Watch is least worth . It was concluded upon ; but they could not agree into whose hands to put them . At last it was mutually agreed upon between them , that I being a stranger to them both , should be the decider : I seemingly refused it , but they would not hear me alledge any arguments to the contrary ; whereupon I went out , and immediately causing my horse to be brought forth , without the least delay I mounted , and away I rid . My Comerades knew where to meet me at the next stage . The next morning they found me out , telling me how they all stormed to be so cheated , to avoid suspition : and now did they all embrace me , promising to themselves great hopes in me from this adventure . CHAP. LIII . He puts a notable Trick upon a Physician . NEar adjacent to our general randezvons , I was informed of the habitation of a weaithy Physician , who had shewed himself fortunately expert in divers Cures , where it seemed that humane art had not sufficient power to give a remedy . The fame of his great skill , and of many admirable cures , which to the shame of other Physicians , he had performed , made him so generally beloved and sought after , that in a short time he purchased by his sanatory industry , above 500 l. per annum , and seldom had less by him then a thousand pound . Thus much I casually understood from one accidentally , speaking of this his rich Neighbour : but that which pleased me most was , that ( as he said ) he seidom carried less then an 100 pieces of gold about him constantly , proceeding from a fancy derived from an extream love he bore that Metal . I could not sleep for contriving a way how I might disembogue this U●…iral of what it contained : sometimes I way-laid him in his return ; but he was so well esteemed of , that he seldom returned home without two or three Gentlemen to accompany him . At another time I thought to have pretended some distemper , and so have applied my self to him for Cure ; and imagining that he would privately discourse with me about my Malady , that then I would present a Pistol to his breast , swearing , that should be his immediate and unavoidable Executioner , if he did not without the least noise or resistance , deliver such a quantity of Gold ; but this way I could not approve of , it being accompanied with so much hazard . At last I thought of this stratagem , which safely produced its effect : One day after dinner I rid to his house ( seemingly ) in extream haste , which he might perceive not only by my own affrighted looks , but by my horse , which was all of a soam ; I askt his servant , with much quickness , whether Mr. Doctor was within ; yes , Sir , ( said he ) if you please to walkin , I shall call him to you . I waited some time ( for most of that profession must take some state upon them ) and then Mr. Doctor came . Sir , ( said I ) the report of your great experience in your happy Practice hath brought me hither , humbly imploring your assistance , and that instantly , if you have any respect to the preservarion of life ; the trouble I shall put you to , shall be gratefully recompensed to the utmost of my ability . The Doctor inquired of me , whom it was , and what manner of distemper the person laboured under ; I readily told him , it was my Wife , who for some continuance of ●…e , hath been extreamly ●…oubled with the flux of her Belly ; the more that is applied to it by us , the more it increaseth ; wherefore , our help failing , I beseech you lend us yours , and favour me so far as to ride with me to her . The seeming sincerity of my words prevailed upon him , asthey would have done upon the most distrustful . This Doctor ( who as I was informed , was accustomed to be induced more by gain , then fair words ) gave me this desirable answer : Sir , far be it from me that I should resuse to do my endeavour to any person whatever , much less to a Gentleman of your rank and quality , in that little skill which I have in the knowledge and practise of Physick ; if I can effect any thing for the good of the good Gentlewoman your Wife , I will attend you thither with a very good will , which at any time my charge requireth . Without attending any further discourse , his horse was made ready , and so we rid a way together . As we rid through a small Wood , leading him the way , I turned my horse about , and clapt a Pistol to his breast , shewing him withal an empty bag ; See here , Sir , ( said I ) my Wife , which hath a long time been troubled with a flux or vomiting , which you please , the last I think more proper ; for she no sooner receives any thing for her ( and my ) sustenance , but she immediately brings it up again at her mouth . Now Sir , if you do not find out some means to mitigate this distemper ( the cure I shall never expect , as knowing it impossible ) this Pistol shall send you to AEsculapius , to consult with him what is most sit to be administred : come , Sir , let me advise you , and save your self the trouble of so long a journey ; your gold ( an hundred pieces ( as I am told ) are the constant attending Esquires of your body ) I say , that is the best and only Recipe for a remedy . The Doctor perceiving there was no help , in much amazement and fear delivered me what gold he had about him , which was neer upon the sum exprest : there was a rich Diamond-Ring on his finger , which I desired him likewise to give me , which should serve for a perpetual memorandum of his kindness to me . I commanded him , as he tendred his life , to ride back again , without so much as once looking behinde him ; and that if he offered to raise the Country , if I was sure to die that instant , I would be the death of him first . The Doctor followed my dictations so exactly , that I never heard more of him . CHAP. LIV. He falls in love with a wealthy Widow , who is poetically inclined ; he courts her , and in a short time injoys her , and after that ingratefully leaves her , carrying away what ready money she had . HAving gained so much money by my own industry and sole procurement , I resolved neither to acquaint my Brethren therewith , nor associate my self any longer with them , being so encouraged by this success , that I concluded I might a●…chieve gallant things by my self : being belated one night , and some miles from any town , I knockt at an house that stood in my road , imagining it at first a publick house for entertainment ; one of the servants coming to the door , I found it no such thing : he demanded my business : Prithee sweetheart ( said I ) acquaint your Master , that there is a Gentleman requests the civility of a nights lodging : she goes in and informs her Mistress what I said ; who came to me with much respect , telling me , She questioned not but I was a Gentleman , and therefore should be welcome to the mean accomodation she was capable of shewing . I rendred her many thanks , and so alighted ; strict order was given to the Groom , that he very carefully lookt after my horse : this being done , I was conducted into a very fair room ; there did I make my apology in the best Rhetorick I had , for I perceived she was endued with ingenuity , by the quaintness of her expressions ; Ex pede Herculem : Many things I forged , as that the ways being dangerous , I was fearful to adventure any farther , having a great charge upon me . Such was her urbanity , that laying aside all niceties , she bore me company till it was time to go to bed , entertaining me all this while with what the house afforded , which was beyond my expectation . Every glass of wine , or bit almost , that I committed to my mouth , she ushered thither with some Apothegm or other : the whole series , indeed , of her discourse , was composed of nothing but reason or wit , which made me admire her ; which she easily understood , I perceived , by her smiles , when she observed me gaping , as it were , when she spoke , as if I would have eaten up her Words . As her soul was beautiful , sparkling with celestial ornaments , so was the caskanet that contained it very fair , and enricht with Natures chiefest gifts : She was very clear skin'd , well bodied , a sharp piercing eye , a proportionable face , an exceeding small and white hand ; and then she lispt a little , which became her so well , that methought it added a grace to the rest of her internal and external qualifications . Being about ten a clock , she advised me to repose my self , supposing I was weary . I condescended , though with much regret to leave her so soon ; but good manners would not permit me to do otherwise : She conducted me to my Chamber , where bidding me good night , she betook her self to her own Chamber . That night I could hardly sleep , not so much for pure love , as the heat of lust : next morning , very early , I heard her stirring , which made me wonder ; but she told me afterwards , that she got up so soon , fearing I should have gone away , and she not take her leave of me . About eight in the morning , the Maid brought me up a Sack-posset ; and a little after , her Mistress came , courteously saluting me , and enquiring how I slept : I return'd an answer , in as handsom terms I could utter : her eyes plainly discovered to mine , that she had more then a common respect for me . Having left me a while , I arose , and made my self ready for my journey : after several discourses which she had ingaged me in , purposely to delay time , with much gratitude I took my leave , she attending me to the court : my horse being b●…ought out , halted down-right ( she had caused him to be prickt in the foot , to the intent I might stay longer . ) Not knowing what to say or do , Well , Sir , said she , since the unhappy accident hath fallen out so unexpectedly , make use of my house , & what is in it , till your horse be recover'd of his lameness . This was a proposition that my soul longed for ; wherefore I could not but shew much satisfaction in the acceptation of this proffer . We walkt in again , & prosecuted for diversion sake our former discourse , interlining it with some love-touches at a distance , which she would frequently descant on pleasantly . We in this short time became intimately acquainted ; which need not be much wondred at , considering the greatness of sympathy between us ; so that now the conquest of her appeared not any ways difficult . Having talkt our selves weary , Come , said she in a very familiar manner , I will shew you the product of some idle hours ; and with that brought me several Epitap●…s , Elegies , Anagrams , Anacrosticks , Epigrams , &c. of her own composition , too many here to relate ; but for their wit , deserved to have each line characterized in gold : some I would here insert , were not the radiant lustre of her conceits so great and glorious , that they would absolutely extinguish the dim-sightedness of my fancy . Having viewed them , I could not but applaud them , as their due merit ; and I was glad I had this happy occasion to vent my own thoughts , which I taci●…ly infinuated in these lines , reflecting on her from what I had read . Sisters thrice three I've read of , and no more , Till your quick wit compleated half a Score : Since you are one , let me perswade you then , Be kind to me , for they are kind to men . Dearest , be like them , they are soft and hlithe Let who will love the nine , give me the tithe . These lines so powerfully wrought upon her , that she could not forbear to tell me , that she was much obliged to me for what I had writ . You cannot Madam , said I , cancel your obligation , till you have made some recompence : with that , said she smilingly , What will content you ? The continuance of your favour Madam , is the utmost ambition of my desires . You have it Sir ; neither can I deny any deserving man a thing so inconsiderable : By your favour Madam , love I mean. I never was so uncharitable , said she , to be out of love with any . I was glad to hear her reply so merrily : for a fort which so capitulateth , is half surrendred . Since I had broke the ice , I was resolved to prosecute my design ; wherefore in plain English I told her , that I loved her from the first interview , so ardently , that my constancy should prove the reality of my affection : she desired me to leave that to the test of time ; that should she believe me suddenly before she had made tryal , she should not only loose the good estimation she had gained by the prudent and discreet management of her affairs , every one accusing her for too much credulity , but thereby it may be involve her self in a Labyrinth of all manner of troubles . Tryal , said I , you shall have : and knowing the manner of courting a widow , a tryal I gave her , knowing that Parleys operate little on a widow , and there is nothing sooner gains a conquest then a resolute assault . This action made her so firmly mine , that I durst not speak of leaving ; which when I did at any time , her Soul was ready to leave its ancient habitation to attend on me . Some two months we spent in all manner of self-pleasing delights , till at last I begun to be tyr'd with her too frequent invitations ; the more I endeavoured to satisfie her , the further I was from it . Not only by her , but by others , this experiment I found , that the oftner I treated them , the more eagerly and earnestly they desired it . Being now incapacitated to hold out in this manner longer , I thought it high time to be gone , but not without sufficient recompence for my service . She daily sollicited me to marry her , which I promised her from time to time , waiting an opportunity when I might become master of her treasure . One day in a frolick , and the more to encourage me to make a speedy consummation of our loves by marriage , she shew'd me all her writings which concerned her estate ( by which I found her to be so wealthy a fortune , that I oftentimes curst my unhappy stars , that they had thus debarr'd me from the complement of so great a bliss . ) After this , she shews me a trunk wherein was contained her cash : then taking me about the neck with such fervency of affection , that I thought she would have strangled me , & with the repetition of kisses , she smiling , aske me , whether these things satisfied me or not . I told her they did , but they were not to stand in competition with her most affected self : with that she gave me the keys of that trunk wherein her money was ; and in retaliation , I vowed to marry her in four days . In the mean time I studied how I might be gone , but could not contrive a way , she not induring me to be out of her sight . In fine , I feigned some indisposition of body , and that I would ride two or three miles for the benefit of the fresh air , and return : with much unwillingness she consented . Just as I was about to take horse ( having furnished my self with as much mony as I could well carry without discovery ) she wept bitterly ( as having I think a prophetick Spirit . ) I ask'd her the cause of her discontent : all bathed in tears , she answered me with a deep sigh , I shall never see you more : Hard-hearted man ! can you thus leave a woman that loves you thus dearly , nay , that dotes on you ? I made many protestations to the contrary ; which were not believed . Seeing that I could not prevail on her belief , I bad her farewel , setting spurs to my horse , and was out of sight in an instant . I could not but condemn my self extreamly for this inhumane action : but considering that there is no slavery greater then that of the smock , I soothed my self up in mine own unworthiness ; passing by a little Ale-house , I called in , and over a pot of Ale I composed these ensuing lines , which I sent to her by a messenger I procured in the house , directed thus : Deliver these to the fair hands of Mrs. Pulcheria Tickleman , at her dwelling-house , near Redding . The Contents were these , or to this purpose . Madam , A Poetess you are , and Prophet too , Thus to divine I 'm gone from you Eternally . 'T is true : D' ye think that I can eat , Though ne're so choice , always one sort of meat ? No faith ; I 'd rather wear a Porters frock , Then to be shrowded in one womans smock . You say you are with child ; Pish , don't complain ; 'T is but the product of your fruitful brain : Y' are only big with fancy , which may prove A witty Brat , like Pallas sprung from Jove . And have you then conceiv'd ? How can I chuse But write Encomiums on my fertile Muse ? Mind not the Father , nor his Brat , for it Will like the Father live ( no doubt ) by wit : Let Pegasus be Godfather , the crew Of the nine Muses , Gossips ; so adieu . I desired no answer , therefore stayed not till the return of the messenger , but rid that night to Maidenhead . CHAP. LV. He comes up to London , sends to a particular friend , whom he could confide in , to come to him , and requests him to compound with his Creditors , which he did in a short time ; and in a short time after , he attempts the robbing of an house , but is taken and clapt up in Newgate : The miseries of an imprisoned estate , with the manner of his escape out of that Prison . THe next day I rode towards London , and about twylight took up my quarters in the Suburbs : the day following , I sent for a friend whom I could put confidence in , who came immediately upon the reception of my Letter . I communicated to him my intentions , who was very glad to hear of my resolution ; yet I would not acquaint him how strong I was , nor by what means procured : 't was enough that I gave him commission how far forth he should proceed , and no farther , which was half a Crown per pound . He went ( after I had given him a list of them all ) to every one particularly , and treated with them so cunningly , and they despairing of ever recovering a farthing , condescended to his proposals ; whereupon he gets them all to subscribe , and then brings the Paper to me , which I exceedingly well liked of . According to the day appointed , he carried them the Money , which every one received ●…oportionably , each man respectively giving me his general release from the beginning of the world : they to whom I had confest Judgements , filled according to Law their discharges . But when my Creditors a little while afterward , saw me walk the streets in so splendid garb , some of them were ready to die with anguish ; but that which troubled them most , was my supercilious looks when I met any of them , and my slighting salutations . What I did in this respect was only to have the freedom of walking the streets , without the molestation of chargable arrests . I kept such deboistcompany , that the remaing part of my money grew low , and in a very short time after was all spent . All my drunken Companions failed me , and I having nothing left me but my cloaths , necessity made me to condescend to the enquiry after the kind-natured Gentlewoman my Wife : her nearest relations could not give me any account of her , giving her over for lost . I wandred up and down , imploying all the powers of my wit and invention , in the search of what might conduce to supply my present necessities . While I was thus hammering out some new design on the Anvil of experience , I bethought my self where probably I might find my Wife : First , I went to Ratcliff high-way , and made enquiry of Dammaris , &c. the Metrapolitan Bawd of those parts , for a Gentlewoman of such a complexion , stature , and age , ( 't was but a folly to mention her name , for those that follow that trade change their names as often as they do their places of abode ) but that cart-load of flesh could give me no information , neither was it possible for me to have staid to hear it , she so stunk of Strong-waters , stronger then that Cask that never contained any thing else : I went down all along to the Cross , in my way I saw many Whores standing at their doors , giving me invitation ; but being poor , they could not afford the charge of Fucus , so that their faces lookt much like a piece of rumpled Parchment , and by their continual traffick with Seamens Breeches , I could not come near them , they smelt so strongly of Tarpawlin and stinking Cod ; yet still no tidings of her I sought for . From hence I went to Fleet-yard , but there they were so dawbed or plaistred with paint , & botcht with patches , that had I seen her there , it was impossible for me to have known her . Away I went to Luteners-lane , Sodom , and Dog and Bitch-yard ; but the Pox , it seemed , had not yet fitted her for those places . From hence I went to Whetstons-Park , where I saw my Mad-dame standing at the door : her frequent trading , and those many shots she had received between wind and water in the service , had so altered her countenance , and disproportioned her body , that I knew not whether this Frigate was English or Flemish built : but at last , hailing whence she was , I boarded her , and made her lawful prize : mistake me not , I rummag'd not in her Hold , fearing she was a Fire-ship . The sight and knowledge of me , made her shed some Babylonish tears , which I took little notice of , knowing them to be either customary to that Sex , or the effects of a moist brain . In we went together , where we had , according to the custom of the house , Pint-black-pots of small Ale for two pence , and quarterns of Strong-water half fill'd for six pence , with Biskets ; which as soon as brought , every one broken , though not a bit afterwards eaten . We must be smoking too , though the Pipe must be thrown down carelesly , and often broken as soon as put to the lips : one of the Plyers being gone down to draw some more drink , she begged me to conceal my self for the present , and comply also with the cheating customs of the house , and she would willingly pay all . I had hardly smoakt two whiffs more , but that a fellow came where we were , swearing dam-me , why do you stay with this fellow , and leave me thus , you unconstant Quean ? have I spent my estate on you , and must you now grow weary of me ? and with that drew his knife , making a proffer to cut her nose off . I was so amazed at what I heard , and so irritated by passion , that I knew not which of them to be revenged on first . Sir , said I , I have been longer acquainted with her then you , and may justly claim a better title and more priviledge ; but as you have affronted me , so I shall require satisfaction instantly , nor referring our difference to be decided by the field , an Umpire that Cowards frequently make choice of : so drawing my knife also , and seizing on his nose , which I intended to have divore'd from his face , I was prevented , for it dropt off into my hand . This accident so astonisht me , and withal being much affrighted at the fight of his Deaths-head , I durst not meddle with him any further , lest handling any Member , it would have dropt off in the same manner : he made a blow at me , but instead of striking me , I expected when his fist would have flown from his body into my face : he kickt at me , but that leg being up , the other was incapable of supporting his body , and so he fell down . The old Bawd hearing this disturbance , ran to us as fast as the vast bulk of her body would give her leave , whose pace was not much swifter then a snail in his full carreer , who having fasted too long , by the constant repercussion of the Sun-beams on him in a misting morning , forrageth a garden for pillage . From the place whence she started , to that where we scuffled , was about six yards distance ; and from the time of her setting forward , to the time she came to us ( not to belye the woman ) was about half an hour , and then too , out of breath , for the haste she made . Sirrah , sirrah , said she , come you hither to breed quarrels , and abuse civil Gentlemen , and it may be build a sconce too ? get you out of my house , you Rascal , or I 'll scald you out . By this time the Pimp came to their assistance , and so they all conjoyned to shove this poor fellow out of doors : and notwithstanding he had for two or three years frequented the house , yet they neither pitied nor relieved him as a maimed souldier , the marks whereof were a sufficient testimony , besides the loss of a Member or two . Having discharged my reckoning , my Wife appointed me a place where I should meet her . Having now conveniency and privacy of discourse , we wav'd every thing that tended not to my present design , which was the contrivance of some way to live . At last we resolved to take an house and live together ; I thought it was as good to be Pimp to my own Wife , by which means the major part of the gain would be mine , as Pimp to another for 12 pence a day and spunging . What we had determined , we soon put in execution : what money she had was laid out in utensils belonging to our Trade , as for bedding , linnen , chairs and stools , &c. The Tally-man or Broker , who sells his goods to be paid by 12 d. a pound per week , the truth of it is , we found of him , but more especially his servants excellent customers ; for they would for a private favour , cut off a score , sometimes two or three from the Tally . Our stock being but small , my Wife was forced to be both Bawd and Whore ; but our trade increasing , she goes frequently to the Carriers , where at last she had pickt up a couple of very well-featured Country-girls , and brings them home , entertaining them as servants ; but shewing as much kindness in them , as if they had been our nearest kindred , purposely to induce them to stay : The Whore , my Wife , intended to have sold their Maiden-heads at a dear rate ; but in truth , I ever lov'd such things too well to put them to sale , having them in my possession . To be sure thereof , I gathered my Rose-buds the first night , lest the infectious and contagious breath of some one Suburbicarian should blast them : in four days time afterwards , I fitted them for their occupations , leaving the instructive part thereof to my Wife to season them withal . I never saw two young Jades understand their trade sooner in my life ; for in a Months time they could Cant indifferently , Wheedle most cunningly , Lye confoundedly , Swear desperately , pick a Pocket dexteriously , Dissemble undiscernably , drink and smoak everlastingly , Whore insatiately , and brazen out all their actions impudently . Now did I begin to renew my acquaintance with the Tribe of Rogues , with whom I grew so intimate , that I was seldom out of their company , either at home or abroad . To relate all the tricks & rogueries we committed in one half year , were an half years work : therefore to be short , we were grown so notorious , and so generally taken notice of , that at last my Wife , and her two Maids of dishonour , were apprehended by the Marshals men , and carried to Bridewel ; I my self narrowly escaping by flight : The next day I boldly went to visit them ; methought their beating of hemp became them excellent well ; and in troth I 'll say this for them , there hath not been seen in that place a more serviceable strong-dockt Crew for many years . Looking very earnestly upon that Hemp my Wife was beating , a deep fit of Melancholy seized me , proceeding only from my imagination ; for I fancied that very Hemp would make that very Rope which should put a period to my life . The time of my visiting them , fell out on the day of their correction ; understanding so much , I resolved to stay and see them well lasht , I hop'd : My Wife being manacled , and the whip ready to encircle her Waste ; Hold , said I , and then directing my self to the Masters of Bridewel ; May it please your Worships , this woman now under correction , is the most impudent brazen-fac'd Whore in the whole Town ; I have known her a long time , ever since , and some small time before she undid her Husband , a very honest man indeed , and had the good report of all his Neighbours ; but this confident Slut could not then be content without her Stallion , whom she maintained by what she purloin'd from her Husband , and so utterly ruined him : since she hath been the destruction of several , some in their estates , others in their bodily health , and now so far from being penitent , that she glories in nothing more , then in the relation of how many she hath undone here and hereafter : wherefore I beseech your Worships , for my friend's sake , that good honest man , and for the good of her own soul , add one half-dozen stripes to the number intended , and let them be laid home . I had no sooner ended my speech , but I vanisht immediately . Just as I was out of the gate , I met with two of my roguing friends , whom the Devil had sent , I think , to way-lay me : they were going , it seems , to see some of their Doxies , that had that day been committed . Being over-joy'd to meet me so accidentally , they would needs have me go to the Tavern with them : over a glass of wine we consulted about divers matters , no goodness to be sure ; the result whereof was , that I should go to such an house , and try if by any means I could get into it unperceived , and abscond my self in order to my opening the door for them about twelve a clock . According to the time nominated I went , and with much facility conveyed my self into a lower room , wherein there was a bed , under which I crept , being confident I might lie there securely , till all the houshold were retired to take their rest . After I had lain about some two hours on the ground , there came into this room a servant ; I peept out , and by the light of his candle , saw that which I thought would have distracted me with fear ; it was the laying the cloth , by which I understood , the Master of the house intended to sup there : suddenly after , meat was brought in and served to the Table ; then came five or six persons , who passing divers complements ( all which needless ceremonies at that time , I wisht with their inventers were stark naked upon the top of the Snowy Alps ) every one took seats . Had not there been at that time some small pratling children running up and down , and making a noise , the affright their appearance had put me in , would have betrayed me ; for my knees knockt so hard one against the other , that they made a noise like a Mill-clack , or the striking of two marrow-bones together : for my life I could not prevent the Palsie from seizing every limb of me . My cruel fates had so ordered it , that there was a small Dog in the room , and a Cat , both dearly beloved by their Mistress ; who would be continually flinging down something other , which they continually quarrelled about , as jealous and envious upon the distribution of their Mistress favours : at length she threw down a small bit ; the Cat being somewhat a more nimble servitor , and diligent waiter than the Dog , took it , & ran with it underneath the Bed ; the Dog ran after the Cat snarling , endeavouring to affright her , that she might forsake the purchase : The Dog approaching near , and too much intrenching upon her right , she puts him in minde of his duty , by one scratch with her Claw , and chastiseth him for his rashness with two or three more : this so angred him , that he made a furious assault upon Puss , who defended herself as well as she could ; but at length they closed and grappling each other , they made a most hideous noise . The spot in which they fought this combat , was underneath the Bed upon my buttocks : The servant that attended being over hasty to quell the noise , by parting the fray , snatched up the fire-shovel , and throws it underneath the Bed ; had it hit my nose with the edge , as it did my breech with the handle , I should have had it pared off even with my face . The Cat instantly provides for her safety by flight , but the Dog still remained behind grumbling , and now and then barking with such eagerness , that he became very offensive to the whole company . Wherefore the servant was commanded to drag him forth , which he he did , beating him , and throwing him out of doors : in the mean time I was left in such a condition , as if I had been breathing my last . As soon as the door was open'd , the Dog came in underneath the Bed with more fury than before : this second alarm did my business ( or as they vulgarly say , made me do my business ) for running fiercely on me , he had bit me by the nose , but that I snatch't away my head from him : but not observing the Bed-post behind , I thought I had dashed my brains out against it ; fear also having berest me of my retentive faculty , I did let flie at one and the same time , which made so strange a noise together , that they all rose from the table to see what was the matter : their noses quickly informed them of some part , for the room was presently strongly scented ; looking underneath the bed , they could see poor Jain Perus , giving up the Ghost ( as dying persons usually evacute their ordure before their departure ) they pulling me forth , and quickly revived me , they roughly handled me , and then beat me , till I was ene dead again . Being taken in the present offence , I could expect no other but to be subject to the rigour of their vengeance ; I could make no plea sufficient to stay their fury , or satisfie their revenge : having fetcht a Constable , I was carried before a Justice of Peace , who with little examination caused my Mittimus to be drawn , and so I was sent to Newgate . I was no sooner within , and under lock and key , but fetters confined my legs from stragling , and bracelets were ciapt upon my arms . The Rogues came all flocking about me for their Garnish , which I gave them : some of the gentiler sort added more to it , so that we had a bundance of drink . But never did I hear so confused a din of Dam-me and Sink me : others singing so loud ( alias roating ) that I thought my self in Hell , and that these were damned souls that roared through extreamity of torments . I thought none had been so wicked as my self , till I came among these Hell-hounds . Not a word came from any of their mouths , but what was seconded with an Oath , cursing their bad Stars , and Blaspheming . The Misery of this or any other prison is sufficiently represented , if by nothing else then want of liberty , that rich inheritance of living souls : as it is the greatest of injoyments , next that imperial Gem of health , so the want thereof next to sickness must needs be of all other the most bitter . Since then to be consined to the confines of the Goal , is to be in part unman'd , entomb'd alive , what and how great is that wretchedness that is occasioned not only by a want of liberty , but by a continual dread of shamesul death ! The terror of this place full of torture is so exasperated by the imagination of a noble mind , that Hell it self cannot contain more exquisite woes and pains , a continuance whereof were sufficient to punish all offences , if the Law dispenced with that debt due to Justice , the life of the offender . Your companions are none but licentious wretches , souls which daily surround you with their loath some persons overspread with scabs and lice . Here sighing is our air , our comfort coldness , our food despair , our musick ratling of chains , our recreation the destruction of vermin ; lastly , our expectation death and damnation . The keeper with the gri●… aspect of his stern countenance makes us tremble , with fear of a new martyrdom , whilst the insulting raskal on the tiptoes of his pride need not skrew his ill-favoured face to a frown , for he knows not how to look otherwise ; which so dejects the spirits of we poor imprisoned slaves , that the contrition of our looks seems to implore his smiles , whose flinty heart having renounced remorse , casts a desiance in our sad and pitiousfaces . I might insist much further , but that I am hastning to get out of the miserable and soul-excruciating prison . One day after I had exonerated nature , I chanced to view the seat , and found that it was no difficult matter to go down the vault by the help of a Rope . A trusty friend coming to see me , I told him what I had observed , and what I wanted : some three days before the Sessions , he brought me Rope enough to have hanged us all . Having a respect unto two more , which I honoured for their admirable good parts , I informed them of what I intended ; which presently we put in execution . First I went down , but I could have wished my self up again ; for I was up to the neck , and knew not but I might be deeper , but to my great comfort I found to the contrary : the rest descended after me , with the like good success . Having gotten us to an house , in which we could put confidence , we quickly sreed our selves from our Iron tackle . CHAP. LVI . He and his two Comrades ( which he had delivered ) disguise themselves , and having been old experienced Gamesters , they taught him all the tricks on Cards , by which they usually cheated their Cullies or Mouths , and also how to nap , palm , or top a Dye ; With all things thereunto belonging . WE had places enough to send to for change of apparel , as rich as we pleased , or as beggerly again on the contrary , according as our design required . Having layen in Lavender about a fortnight in this house , not only to sweeten us , but that the rumour of our escape , and search for us might be over , we got our selves change of habits : Then did we all consult with our Looking-glasses for the change of our faces , not suffering our own judgements to pass , without the approbation of the rest . In the first place I got me a coal-black Perriwig ( my own hair being flaxen ) and a small false beard suitable , with whiskers in the Spanish fashion : It was no great trouble to black my eye-brows every morning ; then clapping a patch on my left eye , stealing out of the room , while my Companions were busied about the same thing , not minding me , and coming in again presently , my appearance did put them all into a very strange confusion . I changed my voice , and asked them what they were doing ; and speaking to them in a tone they were not acquainted with , their chops mov'd incessantly , but the Devil a word I could understand ; they had got a palsie in their jaws by their sudden surprizal : To have observed the several Mankey-saces , and Baboonpostures , could not but extract laughter from the severest Cynick . Why don't you answer me , and that quickly , ye sneaking dumb Rascals ? Looking most piteously one upon the other , expecting who should speak first , at last said one , We mean no harm , we are only preparing some things for a Mask , which shortly will be presented to the Citizens , and we are persons therein concerned . I could not hold longer , but burst forth into an excessive laughter , by which they understood their mistake , not without shame enough to think that the apprehension of danger so slightly grounded , should so terrifie them , being struck dumb , and almost dead with a pannick fear . To be brief , we very well liked the manner of our Metamorphosis ; and having borrowed some money as the necessary tools of our intended Trade , we adventured abroad . The first Mouth we pickt up was in the Long-walk by Christ-Church , upon the account of a wager : there came towards us a young man , who by his garb seemed to be a Merchants man ( he afterwards proved so , and his Casheer ) I stept to him , and said , Sir , if it may not be too troublesome to you , I beseech you resolve me one question : This Gentleman hath laid an Angel with me , and referr'd the decision thereof to the next that came this way , whether this next adjacent Hospital be S. Thomas's , or S. Bartholomew's . Said the yong man , I can assure you it is S. Bartholomews . Why then friend ( said I ) you have lost . Sir , will you be pleased ( if it may not be any great hindrance to your present affairs ) accompany us to the next Tavern , and participate of the losings ? for I scorn to pocket it . He condescended , and so we went together : we discovered not any thing till the sixth pint , and then my friend , as by chance found a pair of Cards in a corner of the window , which he himself had layed there before . Here is a pair of Cards ( said he ) come , to pass away the time , let us play for a pint or so ; so I really took up my friend , Putt was the game ; I won of him two or three pints , and ever and anon I would drink to the stranger , so that now he began to be warm'd , and seemed to take delight in our play , looking over my hand , and sometimes prompting me to see him when he did put to me . At last my friend played the High Game , as the term of Art renders it ; that is , he gave me two Trays and an Ace , and reserved for himself two Trays and a Duce . My Antagonist puts to me : I pretended I knew not what to do , shewed my game to the stranger that looked over my shoulder : he jogs me on the Elbow ; I still delayed : come Sir ( said my opponent ) what will you do ? I will hold you five pound on these very Cards in my hand . I receiv'd the second jog : will you go my halfs Sir , said I ? He answered me , that he would . But alass , we lost : it could be no otherwise . This so animated the stranger , that he perswaded me to play again , and that he would go the moyety of every stake . Sometimes 't was so ordered that I won , but in fine , I lost forty pound , my Cully being half . He would now give over , being much perplex'd that he should thus lose his Masters money : but that he might forget the condition he was in , we drank round some half a dozen healths : So that now I thought it high time to provoke him again to let down his milk by some new trick or stratagem . Now did we sall to the Preaching of the Parson , a trick on the Cards , which hath deceived the most curious eye , and the wariest of men ; with which we gained from our young Merchant , the major part of his money . Lastly , to the intent we might without any further delays give him an acquittance for the rest of his money , we drew out some other implements , viz. Dice fixt for our purpose , as Highfullums , which seldom run any other chance then four , five , and six ; Low-fullums , which run one , two , and three , &c. By these means we sent him home penniless and heartless , whilest we drank healths to the confusion of sorrow . CHAP. LVII . From hence he goes , by the direction of his Comrades , to a new-fashion Bawdy-house ; he describes it , and relates his own success . UPon the division we found each mans share to amount to 40 l. apiece . Being overjoy'd at our first good success , we resolv'd to return thanks for our good fortunes in some private Meeting-house , where we might have a Sister to assist in the carrying on the work of the day . The Devil in all Societies never wants his Factor , or one to sollicit his business : For , I had no sooner intimated my desires , but presently one of my Rope-brokers gave me information of a place fit for that purpose , and that the like was not any where to be found . Being prickt on with the desire of novelty , and to understand the curiosities therein , I went according to my directions solely ; for company in such designs commonly frustrates expectations . They advised me when I came to the door , to pretend I came to enquire out lodgings : At the first , I verily thought my self abused by these Rogues , or mistaken in the house , when I saw a Porter standing at the door with his tiptstaff : To undeceive my self , I confidently , yet civilly askt him , whether there were any Lodgings to be let there ? Yes Sir , ( said he ) which you may view if you will give your self the trouble of walking in . I had no sooner entred the door , but I was met by a grave Matron , who readily understood ( as I conceived ) my approach by her sentinels above in the windows . Madam ( said I ) I am informed , that here are lodgings to be let . There is so , Sir , ( said she ) and with that conducted me into her Parlor ( which was gallantly furnished ) there to take a stricter view of me , as to my person , but more especially my garb , by which she might partly judge how well lined my pockets were . After the resolution of some trivial questions , for discourse sake , she was so well satisfied in me , that she shewed me the way up one pair of stairs , into a very large and fair Dining-room hung with rich Tapistry , and adorned round with excellent Pictures , the Effigies of divers Ladies ( as I took them to be ) renowned and celebrated in all ages , for the fairest and most beautiful of that Sex. A servant brought us up , immediately after our entry into that room , a bottle of Sack , without any order given , as I could perceive ; out of which the old Gentlewoman drank to me , expressing my welcome . For want of other discourse ( as I thought ) because we were both silent a while , for I was contemplating her face , in which I could then see still the goodly ruines of a beautiful and handsome countenance ; Sir , said she , as you are a Gentleman , you may have some knowledge in that noble Art of Limning , since for its excellency it is in these our days ( and hath been in most ages ) much studied by the Gentry of this Nation ; wherefore , your judgement , Sir , which of all these Pictures is the best drawn , or according to the rules of Physiognomy , hath the best features ? Madam , said I , I shall freely give you my judgement ; which is , This , in my opinion , ( pointing at one ) for she hath a full large front , her archt eye-brows are thick and black , without any stragling hairs ; her eyes are of the same colour , and by their intuitive faculty seem to penetrate that which they look on ; passing her cheeks , which carry in them an excellent air , and her nose , which is neither too long nor too short , view her lips , whose plumpness and redness resemble a double Cherry ; and then for the dimples in her cheeks and chin , I could make them the subject of an whole days discourse : what might be said more of this representation I shall wave , wishing my self no greater happiness , then to discourse the rest with the real substance , which is not impossible , Sir , if you can have but the faith to believe your own eyes ; and so instantly thereupon withdrew her self , leaving me amazed at what I had already seen , my heart the mean time beating an alarm to my passions , to be all in readiness at the approach of this Celestial Creature . Hearing a rushing of Silks , I drew my eyes off the Picture , and looking towards the door , there I saw enter an Angel ; for I could not believe there could be so much perfection in any one mortal : with profound reverence I stood at a distance , admiring , or rather adoring her person , till she smilingly and familiarly desired me to sit down . Being come to my self , I could talk to her ; and in half an hour , confidence had repossest her ancient seat in me . It will not only take up too much time , but also offend the ears of the modest Reader , here to insert what discourses we had ; therefore I wave them , and come to the conclusion . Sir , said she , I question not but that you are acquainted with the customs of the House . I protested to her , I was altogether ignorant . Why , you know that you may call for what Wine you please , not exceeding four Bottles ; and if you please to eat , you shall have some choice bit suitable to the season , &c. if you stay not all night , your expence shall be but forty shillings , and you shall have to boot , the enjoyment of a Mistress besides : but if you stay all night , then thus must you do ( and with that drew forth ten pieces of Gold ) whether you fancy me or any else , that matters not , you must deposit before you go to bed ten pound , laying it underneath your own head , and for every kiss , &c. take a piece back again , and if you draw in this manner all your own stake , you may next day be dismist with a great deal of applause , without expending a penny , but what you shall be pleased to distribute voluntarily among the servants . I was stark mad to be at it , and so impatient , that I presently told out ten pieces . Telling my money the next morning , I found I had eight pound of my ten , but I deserved to have my money trebled : however , for the present , I thought forty shillings was never better spent , nor husbanded with so much recreation and delight . By her I understood what manner of cattel they were that frequented that house , though prostitutes and free-booters , yet such as scorned a piece of Country-dirt : some whereof , were persons of no mean quality , which came thither to satisfie ( what was impossible to do ) their insatiate lusts , and therefore enacted that Law or Custom of depositing ten pieces , meerly to incite such who were confident of themselves to make trial of their skill for the lucre of gain ; and to the intent that it might not be discovered , either by their Husbands , or such relations or friends that had received causes of jealousie , they had their peeping-holes , where they might plainly and fully see such who came upon the like accounts . If the Gentleman was unknown to that Gentlewoman whose Picture he elected to bear him company that night , she with much freedom would appear , and tender her self as the subject of his pleasure ; otherwise abscond her self . If so , and the Gentleman press hard for a sight of her the Picture represented , why then Madam Bawd finds some excuse or other , as that Picture she bought casually at second-hand as she past through Long-lane , or that it was the gift of some friend of hers : with many other fictions , meerly to make him desist from the pursuance of his desires . Being very much pleased in the satisfaction of my fancy , I took my leave , not without some acknowledgement thereof , in these consequent lines . What is a Bawdy-house ? I fain would know : It is a thing appears so by the show . Is that a Brothel , or an house of State , Where Tip-staff Porters do attend the gate ? This was a stately house , and yet was such ; In stately houses Ladies take a touch . It must be so , th'have little else to do , Then study how to answer those that woo . Such pamper'd flesh must yield , and few gain-says Their own lusts motions , but with formal nays ; Rather then want that satisfaction , most Stick not to purchase it , though at the cost Of health and wealth ; delighting thus in sence , They never think too much the recompence . Why should they then fond souls rail at an Whore , Since they themselves are on that very score ? And damn all Brothels too to Hell ; but stay What house is not a Brothel-house , I pray ? Many I 've seen , with this none can compare ; A new Exchange , where Ladies sell their Ware To none ; they scorn thereon to set a price , But leave it solely to the Chapinans choice : Here by a female Council 't was judg'd fit , He that reaps pleasure here , must pay for it ; Not with his purse , so much as brawny back , Solely affecting such who holds them tack : And to provoke men on , no want of Wine ; Nay , all delights do here in one combine To raise mens fancy , that he may do o're That thing he did but even then before . Her rosie dimpled cheeks , vermilion lips , Did blush to see her ivory thighs and hips : Her round soft belly swell'd with pride , for lo ! Like a small Hill 't was overspread with snow : Let but a warm hand touch it , and it will Its moisture into pearly drops distil . We kist and parted , I sigh'd , she did sob ; She for her lusty Lad , I for my Mob . CHAP. LVIII . He finds out his two Comerades ( the Gamesters ) and after some consultation had , they resolved to reassume their quondam trade of Padding ; are taken and committed to Newgate . FRom this house of pleasure , ( where I must ingeniously confess I never received more for so little expence ) I went in search of my two Gamesters , whom casually I met : The next Tavern was our Council-chamber , where Wine was the dictator . We there unanimously concluded , it was a thing beneath us to pick up here and there Crowns or Angels , but resolved on Have at all , knowing that a five hours adventure might make us possessors of 500 l. With this resolution we went and bought us horses , with all things requisite for our intended expedition : being all ready and well prepared , we took our leaves of London for a while ; we had not rid above fifteen miles , but we baited : the Hostler knowing me , and what designs I had formerly been upon , and imagining I was steering the same course , whispered me in the ear , that he had a desire to speak with me instantly : taking my opportunity , under the pretence of looking to my horse , he informed me , that there were three within drinking , that on the next morning would travel such a Road , and that they had a great charge with them . I thankt him , bidding him come to my chamber at night , where I would discourse farther with him . Then he gave me a summary account of all ; and after a smart drinking-bout , with promises to him of reward if we prospered , we betook our selves to our rest : in the morning very early we called for our horses , and rid in that very Road through which those three Travellers were to pass , where we planted our selves very conveniently : about three hours after , we could discern them at a distance ; by that time we had made our selves ready , they were at hand : just at the bottom of a small hill we bid them stand ; they askt us to what intent : We told them , that we were younger Brothers , and wanted mony , and therefore must borrow some of them . With that , they all in an instant drew their swords ; being not unprovided with Pocket-pistols , we fired at them , and they again at us : we were all at level-coyl ; and very equally marcht ; the second shot killed my horse , and a fourth bereaved my Consort of life ; the third Rogue ran away : being in a labyrinth of perplexity , I thought it the best way to sel my life at as dear a rate as I could ( knowing very well , that if I were taken I should be hanged . ) I fought with my sword as long as I could stand upon my legs , wounding both them and their horses ; but at last one unhappily ran me through the sword-hand , and thereupon I was disarmed . I was carried by them before the next Justice of Peace , whom they enquired out , and by a Mittimus was committed . I could not now expect any thing but death : but the next news I heard was , that I must be removed to Newgate , there being other things to be alleadged to my charge . I was mounted again , in order to my removal , but very ill hors'd , being bound thereunto and pinnion'd . My greatest grief ( when I came into London-streets ) was to hear the various discants of the good women on me ; some saying , What a pity it is such an handsome young man should come to the gallows so soon ? Others judged I had deserved it , otherwise I should not have rid to Town in that posture pinnion'd , and so attended with a guard . As soon as the Keeper saw me , leaping for joy , O Sir , are you come again ? we will take care that you shall not be any more annoyed with smells proceeding from the Vault ; and so without more ado , laid as much iron on me , as there is in some Smiths shops , and confined me close Prisoner to the Dungeon . Which made me curse those acts the Fates have done , To cause a setting ere a rising Sun : But since my doom is now decreed by Fate , I must indur't , repentance is too late . CHAP. LIX . He much condemns the follies of his past actions , and in token of his unseigned repentance , gives some general instructions to his Country-men , first how to know Padders on the Road , by infallible signs ; with other remarques worthy the observation of any Traveller , laid down in some consequent Chapters . BEing in this terrestrial Hell , ( where darkness , horror and despair surrounded me ) my conscience started out of her dead sleep , and presently demanded of me a severe account of what I had done . My guilt was such , I had not a word to speak for my self , but wished my production ( as my actions were ) in humane . What did not then the apprehension of an approaching and unavoidable death , suggest to my thoughts ! to have only dyed ( though with the most exquisice , terrifying , and soul-excruciating tortures ) was not a thing the spirit of man should shrink at ; but the consideration of an eternal punishment hereafter , justly inflicted on such who have offended an infinite God , absolutely distracted me : So that methoughts , I already heard the howls and hollow grones of damned Souls , which add to the weight of their everlasting misery . Having somewhat appeased my enraged conscience , by a faithful promise and constant resolution to lead a new life , if I should escape the danger of the Law , I determined with my self , to shew the first Fruits of my reformation , by publishing something to the world , that might serve as a guide for Travellers , how they might pass in safety on their way . To that purpose I acquainted my Keeper with my good intentions ; but that being no particular profit to him , he valued not the publick , and therefore rejected my good motion , till I greas'd his fist , and then I had the accommodation of a Candle , Pen , Ink and Paper , &c. The uncertainty of their attire , various diseases , non-constancy of residence , & changeable names , makes me incapable to do what I would : Therefore I will do what I can ( according to my small experience , occasioned by my no long continuance among them . ) Riding on the Road ( if you have company ) it may be two or three shall overtake you , and seem to be much afraid of you : they will pretend to be even now set upon by half a dozen stout fellows , but that they did beat the Rogues , forcing them to fly for safety : and this fiction they use to seal with basket-hiltoaths : thus by your answers they will finde whether you dare fight ; if not , they will wait an opportunity to act their roguery on you ; which having done , as a reward for what unwillingly you have left them , they will pretend to give you a word shall protect you better than your sword , from any injury shall be done you upon the like account : but this is nothing else than a meer cheat , and no securing charm ; for we valued not words , when our wants were in pursuit of Monies . Not but that we used some formal words among our selves , when ready to seize a prize ; and observing other company , either before or behind , to defist a while , by which we knew what we had to do , and the ignorant Travellers suspected no wrong . CHAP. LX. What is to be taken heed unto , before the Traveller begins his Journey . MOst respected Country-men , and more especially you , who frequently pass the Road , the most part of my notorious wicked life having been consumed in all manner of cheats and debauchery , and that in part of late maintained by robbing : seeing now the wretchedness of that course of life , and being sensible of the injury I have done my Country , I looked upon my self as bound to satisfie the debt I owe to you , to the uttermost of my power , which reacheth to an act not more satisfactory , than good advice how to avoid those dangers which too many of late days have fallen into , fince Dammee Plumes of Feathers came in fashion . First then , if you carry a charge about you , make it not known to any , and conceal the time of your departure in your own breast ; for it is a custom no less common than indiscreet and foolish , among some sort of persons , to blaze abroad among their reputed friends , the time of their intended journey , and vaingloriously make them acquainted with what considerable sums they should carry with them ; by which means the Son hath oftentimes betrayed the Father , and one friend another , by informing or comploteing with some of the Padding society ; the discoverer sharing ( for giving notice of the prize ) one quarter or more of the gain he betrays , when but for this foolish humour they had not been way-lay'd . Again , have a special care , both of the Hostler , Chamberlain and Host himself : the two first the Thief is sure to bribe , and the last , in expectation of a share with them ( as it is so ordered ) or in hopes that the major part of what they get shall be prosusely spent in his house , gives them items where the booty lies . Especially be sure on the road to associate with none but such as you finde inclined rather to leave your company then keep it ; for they are very suspicious persons , and oftentimes prove dangerous , that press into your society , and are very inquisitive to know whither you intend , spinning out the time with many impertinent questions . But if you would know whether the strangers intentions be honestly inclined , take occasion to make some stay ; observe you in the mean time their motion : for if they make an halt , or alight , so that you may overtake them , follow at a distance ; but if their pace be so slow that you needs must overtake them , look about you , and provide for your safety , for there is no surer symptom of an Highway-man than such purposed delays . The other usual marks of such Maths be these ; they commonly throw a great Leaguer-cloak over their shouldiers , covering their face , or else they have visibly disguised their faces in some manner or other . Now of late they finde very useful a Vizard in every respect ( but for the largeness ) like the a-la-mode Vizard-masks so much worn by Gentlewomen , who endeavour to conceal the shame of their wanton actions by absconding their faces . If you meet with any who have none of these things , as soon as they come somewhat near you , fix your eye full in their face : if they turn their heads from you , keep your distance , and ride from them with what expedition you can ; but being surprized by any you know , be very careful that you discover it not to them ; for these Desperado's never think themselves secure , till they have prevented your giving intelligence , by cutting asunder the thread of your life . Observe whether their beards and hair of their head agree in a colour , and are not counterfeit : and be sure to beware of him that rides in a Mountier-cap , and of such as whisper oft ; or of any one single person that intrudes into your company ; for that is one way they have to ensnare the Traveller : he will tell you a great many merry and facetious stories , meerly to ingratitate himself with you ; which having obtained , he shews himself more than ordinary civil , and so fearful of any thing that may prejudice his new acquaintance , that he no sooner espies two riding toward them , but he apparently trembles , and will presently question his new friends , what charge they have about them : if little , the best way were to yeild to these approaching persons , if Thieves , rather than hazard a life ; but if it be any thing considerable , he will presently vow to be true to them , and rather than they should come to any danger or loss , he will fight with them as long as he hath breath . These so causlesly suspected , were perhaps downright honest fellows : but before they have travelled five miles further , 't is ten to one but they overtake two or three more , one it may be riding aside with twists of Hay instead of Boots , it may be with a Fork , Bill , or Goad in his hand , like a Country-Boor . It may be your newly-entertained treacherous Friend will tell you that he will make good sport with this Country-Bumpkin , and so to that purpose ask him some foolish impertinent question , which the other shall answer as ridiculously ; so spinning out the time till a convenient place and a fit opportunity serve ; then shall this pretended friend seize one of you himself , and my Hedge-creeper turn Hector , and lay hold on another : and now will it be in vain for you to strive , for nothing but money will ransom you out of their hands . CHAP. LXI . Instructions in what manner , at what time , and what Road is most safe to ride . THere are so many ways to rob the innocent , that it behoveth every man to be very circumspect , how , when , and where he rides . If you have a quantity of money about you , chuse rather to ride by night then day ; for by this means you are freed from any Horseman or Cutter whatever . But this course cannot seal your protection from base sheep-stealing penny-Rogues , the baseness and lowness of whose spirits wil stoop for a Noble , though they hang for their pains ; therefore take heed of their long poles , and that they do not suddenly start out and lay hold on your bridle . As for the nobler sort of Rogues , this they believe as an undeniable Maxime , that none will ride by night that are worth the robbing . Besides , they are oblig'd to take their Inn betimes , lest through mistrust they should be apprehended : Moreover , they hardly dare adventure in the dark , because they cannot discern what dangerous defences the assailed have , as Pistols , or other private weapons in readiness , nor see their own advantages : and withal , it will be no difficult matter to convey in the obscurity of the night , what they have undiscovered , into some ditch . Chuse to travel in by-roads , for it is a general rule with High-way-men , to keep their station on the greatest Roads , that of the number that pass by , they may select such as they think will prove the richest booties . Here now as a Corollary , take notice of a foolish custom : Some when they ride by any place that commonly speaks danger , they will bustle up together side by side , which is the usual overthrow of such . Wherefore take my counsel here , when ere you ride , in fear especially , ride sar asunder , at least a stones throw by so doing none durst set upon you , fearing lest this stragling order give some leave to escape undoubtedly , and so raise the Country in their pursuit . CHAP. LXII . How a man is to behave himself if beset or surprised . WHen the Rogue bids you stand , look not about as if amazed , or hoping for a rescue ; for this doth but encourage them to the height of resolution and expedition : but looking sternly , as if fear were a stranger to you , making your brow the throne of rage and fury , draw , and undauntedly tell them , that though you have but little , yet you would willingly sacrifice your life rather then lose a penny ; and add ten more to it ( if you had them ) then have your reputation stained with cowardise . This is the readiest and most certain way to save both your money and credit ; for they fighting with a guilty conscience within and without , against a Country , Law , and Justice , if nobly a man resists ( this I know experimentally ) the stoutest , and most undaunted , and highest spirit of them all will stoop to discouragement . Some I have known , that durst outbrave the roaring Cannon to the mouth , yet their courages have found an alteration , when on this account they have met with a bold and nobly resolved Antagonist : but if by your own negligence , and the malevolency of fortune , the pleasure of your journey is eclipsed and clouded by a sudden surprisal , and that you see no hopes but that you must yield , be not so unwise to strive when it is too late , but give them the best words you can , and rack your wits to please their ear , most devoutly wishing you had more moneys to supply their present occasions ; and so banishing all dejectedness from your looks , deliver some , and so perhaps they will let you pass without furcher search . If they make a second offer , yield freely to it : then it may be they will sift you soundly ; never in that time lay your hand near your money , and seeming fearless , it will be a means to make their suspition of a greater sum to vanish . This I have known my selfe , that when I have taken so much as pleased me well , by means fear I have had grounds to think they had more , and so made me research ; laying my hand but near the place where they had concealed the rest , suddenly would they cry out , that they were undone , when as yet I had found nothing ; but by this their foolish and undiscreet carriage I have found the remainder , which otherwise might have been secure and safe from me . CHAP. LXIII . Directions , if robbed , how to follow the Thieves ; which way to set Hue and Cry after them ; how to coast , and where to find them . IF you are robbed , there is no help but to indeavour to surprize the Thieves by a strict pursuit : Therefore let no Remora or delay deter you from obtaining your wish , and so seize them that so lately seized you . In the first place , scowre the next Road , not streight before , but either on the right or left-hand ; for they know Hue and Cries never cross the passages , but go straight along . If in so doing you miss them , then conclude they are sheltred in some Inn which you have past , and therefore you must set some careful Spies , with a sufficient assistance near at hand , and be confident you will see them come that way , without the least apprehension of fear , or fear of apprehension . But this observe , that if they light of any considerable sum , then do they ride that night to their general Rendezvous in London , which is too sure a shelter for them : but observably take notice , for here is as eminent an example of their subtilty , as any ever the Devil enrich'd their knowledge with ; For , if you are robbed in the eastern quarter , pursue them not in the direct Road to London with Hue and Cry , for by some other way they are fled ; but haste to the City , and in Westminster , Holborn , the Strand and Covent-Garden search speedily , for there they are . If Northward they light on you , then to Southwark , the Bankside , or Lambeth they are gone ; and when you find any one , seize all with him , for they are all Companions that are together . CHAP. LXIV . Cordial advice , and infallible instructions for the Inn-keeper , how to know Thieves from his honest Guests . MEthinks the many tragical examples of Inn-keepers , who have harboured and countenanced Thieves , were suflicient ( I should think ) to deter those that survive from doing the like ; wherefore my advice to them in general is , that their chiefest care be , not to wink at any such life-destroying actions for hope of gain , lest that sweet be imbittered by future trouble and disgrace . That you may know them , observe these Rules : First , they are extraordinary curious about their horses ; they will have them as strangely drest , as strangely fed , with Mashes , Bread , Flesh , and mingled provender , and that in an unusual quantitie . If any wonder at the extraordinary feeding of their horses , they will endeavour to palliate their design therein , by telling that their tricks and good abilities deserve it : nay , sometimes they will boast , that their worthy services will soon repay the cost ; using the like dark words to that effect , which are palpable grounds for suspition . It is their custom likewise , to ask , Whose horse is that ? or , What is the owner thereof standing by ? of what function or qualitie ? whither he intends to travel ? how far , and when ? Observe again , that their Cloak-bags are for the most part empty , carrying them only but to make a shew . Next , the Chamberlain conducting them to their Chamber , he is presently dismist ; but let him hearken , and if they are High-way men , 't is ten to one but they fall to share what they have purchased that day ; and he shall see every one taking his dividend , as well as hear the money , if he but narrowly pry into the Chamber . This they never defer , lest he which hath the purse should cheat the rest . But above all , for their discovery , make this trial ; Cause one to knock hastily at the gate , giving him instructions in the mean time that attends on them , to observe their carriage then , and he shall see them start and stare in each others face with gastly looks , being struck with fear and amazement : speak so that they may hear you , seemingly to some or other in the house , asking what Officers those are ? what is their business ? or whom do they look for ? or the like . If they seem much srighted , bid them fear not , for none shall search where they are , to offer them any injurie ; and that they are as safe with him , as in a well-fortified Castle . By this means you may pry into their private thoughts and actions so far , as that you may gather , not only substantial grounds for more then bare conjectures , but it may be they will confess something too , desiring your concealment and succour , and they shall think themselves for ever ingaged : after this you may use your own discretion . Then again , you may perceive by their loitering and disiegard of time , what they expect ; for they only bait but to oberve what purchase they can see pass by ; which when they have espied , they will pretend immediate business calls them to be gone , and so mount in great haste . Again , when they come to in Inn to lodge , they commonly come in divided , or in several Companies , frustrating the Hue and Cry by their number : besides , if one part be surprized , the other may escape ; and when the residue comes in , they seem as strangers one to the other , enquiring of mine Host what their Companions are , what Countrie-men , whether he knows them ? and if they find he hath either jealousie or suspition of any of them , they will seign some business that necessitates their speedy departure : but if you take them for honest men , as they met by seeming chance in your Kitchin ; so after some formal civil salurations , and drinking together , they soon become acquainted , and before they part , shew much familiaritie . Thus , as I was faither endeavouring to lay open their devices and deceits , to repair what wrong my Countrie had sustained by me , word was brought me , that I must immediately appear at the Bar , and there answer what should be objected against me ; and it was but just that I should be now exposed to the Law of Justice , since I had so often rejected and slighted the Law of Mercie . CHAP. LXV . He received sentence of Condemnation ; he thereupon seriously contemplates Death , and considers Eternity . APpearing at the Sessions , and seeing so many of my Adversaries ready to give in their evidence against me , I concluded my self a lost man ; my very countenance betrayed both my thoughts of guilt and despair . In short , I received sentence of Death to be hanged at Tyburn by the neck till I was dead . I thought these sad tidings would have presently deprived me of my life , and so have saved the Hangman a labour . All the way I went back to Newgate , I fancied nothing but Gibbets stood in my way , and that I saw no other trades but Cord-winders . Being entred the prison , I was forth with put into the Dungeon , laden with shackles : I had not been many hours there , before a charitable Physician of the soul , I mean a Minister , came to visit me , who advised me , to repent , since it was high time ; and endeavouring to disburden my conscience , by extracting from me a general ingenious confession of what enormous crimes I had committed . Finding this person to have no other design , but meerly for my souls sake , I dissected the actions of my whole life , not omitting any thing that might be accounted sinful , He was amazed to hear such notorious Roguery in one Man , and so young ; wherefore , before he applied any cordial , he administred his corrosives , and so thorowly searcht every corner of my heart , that there was nothing hid from him . In the first place , he made me sensible of the wickedness of my life , and that every , nay , the least evil action , deserved the loss of eternal and inexpressible happiness , and instead thereof , torments everlasting and intolerable . It will take up too much time , to give an account of every thing this pious man alleadged for my information , contrition , and consolation : so effectually and powerfully he delivered his divine Message , that the obdurateness of my heart was able to hold out no longer , but melting into tears , was willing to have its flintiness broken by the hammer of Sacred Writ . Finding me in so good a temper , he left me to God and my self , for the perfecting of that work he had so hopefully and successfully begun . I began to consider what I was , only a statue of dust kneaded with tears , and mov'd by the hid engines of restless passions ; a clod of earth , which the shortest Fever can burn to ashes , and the least showre of rheums wash away to nothing ; and yet I made as great a noise in the world , as if both the Globes ( those glorious Twins ) had been unwombed from that formless Chaos , by the Midwifry of my wit : all my actions were attended with so much success , and so answerable to my desires , as if I had been one of heavens privy-Counsellors ; which swelled me up with so much arrogance , that I spake thunder , lookt lightning , and breathed destruction ; and by the eloquence of my own vanity , I perswaded my self , that the machinatious of my brain were able to unhinge the Poles : but it is otherwise decreed , that the Ministers of Justice should put a period to my boundless pride , to make me know I am but a man , and that mortal too . And having but a short time to live , I thought it very requisite to think of that which must shortly be the means to convey me either to bliss or woe ; by so doing , I seized on death before it seized on me . It was the fittest subject I could busie my soul about ; for what more heavenly , than the thought of immortality ? and what so necessary , as the thought of death ? Seneca faith , When he was a young man , be studied to live well ; when aged , how to dye well : but I never practised Artem bene vivendi , and therefore am so ignorant in Arte bene moriendi ; which makes me so fearful , that I know not how to be careful of not being found unprepared . Methinks I already hear that doleful saying , Its imparats in paratum . My sole companions were now despair and fear , for the King of fear is death ; and indeed there is nothing absolutely fearful , but what tends to death ; and I am confident , the fear of death is worse than the pains of death : for , fear of death kills us often , whereas death it self can do it but once . Life would not be troubled with too much care , nor death with too much fear , because fears betray , and cares disorder those succours which reason would afford to both : and though some say , he is more sorrowful than is necessary , that is sorrowful before there is necessity ; yet that soul cannot be in a good condition , so long as it fears to think of dying ; but did I not sorrow now , and jutly fear that messenger that must bring me before the Tribunal of Heaven , I should have too little time to wash away so many black spots , especially having nothing but objects of terror and amazement before my eyes ; but I never needed have feared what I should suffer when dead , if I had not deserved it whilst I lived . Life is not alike to all men : To such a wicked wretch as I am , the best had been , that I never had been , and the next best were to live long ; in this condition , it was ill for me that I was born , worse for me that I must die : for without unfeigned repentance , this dying life will bring me to a living death ; whereas a good man is otherwise minded , he counts his end the best of his being , for that brings him to the fruition of his hope : could death end misery , it should be the greatest happiness I would wish : but my conscience will not let me lye , for fear the end of my present miseries will be but the beginning of worse ; yea , such as death it self cannot terminate . Now came into my minde the consideration of Eternity ; and with it , I remembred how it was represented by the Ancients , which very much helpt my present Contemplation ; which was thus : A vast Den full of horror , round about which a Serpent windes it self , and in the winding bites it self by the tail . At the right-hand of this Den , stands a young man of a most beautiful and pleasant countenance , holding in his right-hand a Bow and two Arrows , and in his left an Harp. In the entrance sits an old man opposite , and having his eyes very intent on his Table-book , writes according to the dictations of the young man standing by . At the left-hand of this Den , sits a grave Matron gray-headed , and having her eyes always busied . At the mouth hereof , are four stairs ascending by degrees ; the first is of iron , the second of brass , the third of silver , and the last of gold : On these are little children sporting up and down , playing , fearless , and inapprehensive of falling . The sight of this Emblem of Eternity inculcated into my thoughts this interpretation : The Den , which was bottomless , signified to me the incomprehensibility of Eternity ; the circumferating Serpent , Time ; the young man , Nature : on Earth and Hell are her arrows fastned ; but in Heaven there is the Harp , fulness of joy , and pleasures in expressible : The old man I lookt upon to be Fate ; the grave Matron , Providence ; the Stairs , distinct Times and Ages ; the Children running up and down the Stairs without fear of danger , do signifie foolish Man and Woman , who regardless of their salvation , sport and play with it so long , till they slipt into Eternity . So have I been careless of that which should have been my greatest care , though I knew ( but would not know ) that the least and lightest touch of death were sufficient , in a moment , to translate me from Time to Etermity . Were we all to live a thousand years ( whereas the Executioner is to put a period to my life in one day longer ) we should before we had ran half our course , in our very non-age , apply our selves to repentance and newness of life . Now , now is the time , every hour , every moment : now one part of an hour ( as I am informed , to my great comfort ) may obtain pardon here , which all Eternity cannot hereafter . Therefore , let this now be my time ( this one day I have left me ) to cancel my debts and trespasses against Heaven , which I can never do in Hell-fire , in all the years and times to come hereafter . Let such who have liv'd ( as I ) in all manner of wickedness , consider what Eternity is , which may make them return like the penitent Prodigal . What then is Eternity ? It is a Circle running back into it self , whose center is every where , and circumference no where , that is to say , infinite : It is an Orb that hath neither beginning nor ending : Or it is a Wheel , Volvitur & volvetur in omne volubilis aevum . A Wheel that turns , a Wheel that turned ever : A Wheel that turns , and will leave turning never . Eternity is like a year , continually wheeling about , which returns again to the same point from whence it began , and still wheels about again . It is an ever-running Fountain , whither the waters after many turnings flow back again , that they may always flow . It is a bottomless pit , whose revolutions are endless . It may be compared to a snake bowed back unto it self orbicularly , holding its tail in its mouth ; which in its end doth again begin , and never ceaseth to begin . What is Eternity ? It is a duration always present ; it is one perpetual day , which is not divided into that which is past , and that which is to come : Or , it is an age of ages , never expiring , and never changing : Or , more properly , it is a beginning continuing , never ending , always beginning , in which the blessed always begin a blessed life , in which the damned always die , and after all death and struggling therewith , always begin again to die . As Hell-torments are eternal , so will the conscience be perpetually tormented with deep and horrid despair for the life past : Their worm shall not die . The Poets of old alluded to this place notably , in that Fiction or Fable of Tytius , whom Virgil feigneth , that a flying Vulture every day gnaws and tears his Liver , which is every night again repaired and made up , that every day the Vulture may have more matter to prey upon . What is this Vulture , but the worm I speak of ? and what is his Liver , but the conscience always gnawn and tormented ? Not only this ( as he that preacht my Funeral-Sermon told me ) but all the torments of the damned shall never have end , because there can be no place for satisfaction : For although these inexpressible torments shall continue many millions of years ; yet shall there not one hour , no , not one minute of respite be granted : Let us then be no longer forgetful of our selves , and so degenerate into beasts , but seriously to consider our end , and what shall come after . All men are in the way of Eternity , but I am now almost at my journeys end : I sit on the Stairs of Eternity , expecting when one small thrust shall plunge me into the bottomless pit , where one hours punishment shall be more grievous , ( as Thomas à Kempis saith ) then 100 years here in the bitterest of torments : There they are tortured for infinite millions of ages , & are so far from finding an end , as never to be able to hope for any end . The consideration of these things brought me to that pass , as I was content to suffer any thing in this life , so that I might not suffer in the life to come . Though a King , I should willingly and patiently have endured what Andronicus did , Emperour of the East ; who ( as History relates ) being overcome and taken prisoner by Isaac Angelo , had immediately two great chains of iron put about his neck ; and being laden with fetters , was brought before Isaac , who delivered him over to the rage of the multitude , to be abused at their pleasure . This rabble being incenst and stimulated on by revenge , some buffeted him , some bastinado'd him , others pulled him by the beard , twitching the hair from his head , dashing out his teeth , dragging him in publick through the streets : the insolence of women was such , as to fall upon him , leaving the marks of their nails in his Imperial face . After all this , they cut off his right-hand : thus maimed and bruised , he was thrown into the Dungeon of Thieves and Robbers , without either attendance , or the least thing necessary to sustain life : Some few days being past , they put out one of his eyes : thus mangled , they put him upon an old rotten short coat , shav'd his head , set him upon a seabbed Camel , with his face towards the Tail , put on his head a crown of Garlick , made him hold in his hand the Camels Tail instead of a Septer , and so they carried him through the Market-place very leisurely , with great pomp & triumph . Here did the most impudent crew , and base among the people , like Tygers , after an inhumane manner fall upon him , not considering in the least , that not three days before he was no less then an Emperour , crowned with a Royal Diadem , whose frowns were inevitable death , was honoured , yea , adored of all men . Their rage and madness fitted every one with instruments to execute their revenge : Some struck him on the head with sticks , others fill'd his nostrils with dirt , others squeezed spunges upon his face soaked in humane and beastial excrements : some threw stones , others dirt at him . An impudent woman as he past , came running out with scalding water in her hand , and poured it on his head . All these indignities which they exercised upon this poor Emperor , did not satisfie their insatiate revenge , but bringing him to the Theatre , took him down from the Camel , and hung him up by the heels : yet did he behave himself like a man , by bearing patiently what was inflicted upon him , being never heard to cry out against the cruelty of his fate . All that he was heard to say , was this , which he often repeated , Domine miserere , Domine miserere . Thus hanging up , one would have thought their malice should have ceased ; but they spared him not as long as he lived ; for pulling his Coat from his body , they tore him with their nails . One more cruel than the rest , ran his Sword through his bowels as he was hanging : Two others , to try whose Sword was sharpest , cut him and gasht him in several places ; and so ended his life miserably , but was not suffered to be buried . Oh , that my condition were as Andronicus , to suffer all that man can lay upon me , that I might not perish for ever : I would be content to be miserable for so short a time , that I may not be miserable to all Eternity . Questioness he could never have suffered such things so constantly and couragiously , but that he had Eternity in his thoughts ; and were our mindes imployed about the same subject , any adversity or affliction we should more easily bear . Ftom the time of my condemnation till Munday morning I slept not , neither did I eat or drink : then did I hear my passing-bell ( having heard the day before my Funeral-Sermon ) every stroke methought carried my soul one degree higher , being confident I had made my peace above . Whilst I was in the depth of Meditation , and my soul breathing out this short ejaculation . Is there no hope now of Relief , In this Extremity ? Mercy e're now hath sov'd a Thief , And may do as much for me . Behold , a friend came to me ( that never visited me during my imprisonment ) but now in the time of need brought me a Reprieve : when I lookt thereon at first , I could not believe my own eyes ; I thought I dreamt , or that grief had so distracted me , as that limagined things that are nor . My friend at length cleer'd up my doubts ; but I shall tell you this for a truth , I knew not whether I were best accept of this self-preserving courtesie : For , methought I had so well settled my eternal concerns , as that I had nothing else to do but die . About a fortnight after , I was sent aboard , in order to my transportation ; my sentence of Death being converted into a seven years banishment . CHAP. LXVI . Being on Board , he descants on his ensuing misery ; yet draws comfort to himself from the sufferings of others . He relateth how he was freed from his intended banishment by a double Shipwrack ; the manner thereof he amply declareth . THe Ship that was to transport me lay at Wollidge : about the latter end of August 1650. I was conveyed aboard a lusty Ship , a Virginia-Merchant-man , and was instantly claptunder hatches ; but I knew they would quickly call me alost , if there was any fighting work ; as such a thing might easily be , since the Sea was no where free from such as would make a prize of what Vessels were too weak to contend with them . Having pen , ink , and paper about me , I busied my thoughts and pen in contriving consolation for my disquieted and disconsolate mind , thus : Why should not I with patience suffer ? some Have kist what brought them to their Martyrdom . Many a Saint hath suffer'd on a Cross ; And our good King endur'd three Kingdoms loss . Shall I ( fool ) then at any cross take grief ? Tyburri's the way to heaven for many a Thief . But must I now to Sea ? well , 't is no matter ; Fortune now frowns , though heretofore did flatter . Let not my soul despond , since 't is my hap , I 'll scorn that Whore , and trust to Thetis lap : Though she may foam with anger , and the wind May aggravate her passion , I mayfind Her calm again , and set me on that shore , Where I may Moar , and put to Sea no more . Neptune may shake his Trident , and each wave , Or tumbling billow may become my grave . A thundring Canon may pronounce my death , Or a small shot bereave me o●… my breath : All which may throng together in full crowds , To make m' a winding-sheet of tatter'd shrowds . The winds shall sing my requiem , and my knell Shall be a peal of Ordnance , that shall tell My angry fates I 'm dead and the Sea must Intomb without the form of dust to dust . But I hope better things and do believe , My good events will make the furies grieve . About the beginning of September following , we set sail for the Downs . As soon as we had weighed Anchor , a thick melancholly cloud encompassed my thoughts ; and so much sadness seized my spirits , as if I had been not so much taking my leave of my dearly beloved Country , as leaving the world . Though my soul could not foresee the least danger , nor be troubled at the apprehension of what slavery I was to undergo in my exilment ; yet certainly I found this strange anguish and propassion to be ominous , proceeding from somthing divine , which is able to unriddle the Apocrypha of nature , and made my soul sensible of some approaching mischief . Having been about five days ar Sea , one morning , just as the Sun began to gild our Hemisphere with his Golden rays , the Boatswain made us al turn out , & commanded al hands upon deck : coming alost , I could not see a man in whose face there was not written the pale characters of fear and amazement ; which were the infallible marks of some sudden and ensuing danger . Upon my first coming on board , I could discern a great many rednos'd fellows ( a drunkards truest indicium ) but the apprehension of present danger had now extinguisht all those flaming torches of their faces , without the help of water : The faces indeed of the stourest amongst us , were so altered by this affrightment , that we knew not almost one another ; losing our natural complexions , through the extremity of passion . One was at his prayers , that never till then knew what a prayer was ; another shedding of briny tears , to make room for more salt waters : for my own part , I found my self not much moved , having lately made my self acquainted with death . By this time I understood what had past ; that is , our Ship had sprung a leak , and was ready to sink . Seeing every man in that posture , and that there required means , as well as prayers for our preservation ; Come ( said I , Gentlemen ) let us not thus cry out , and never lend our assisting hand ; let us to the pump , and let every one be imployed in this grand concern . Whereupon we all unanimously fell to work : but as it is usual in such extreams , we were all busie about doing of nothing ; what we began we left imperfect , and fell to another , and so perfected nothing to our safety . Some were sent down into the Hold , who quickly returned to us with the symptoms of death in their countenances ; for they all with hesitations and quivering of tongue , with words abruptly or half spoken , signified to us , that our Ships wound was incurable , that the leak could not be stopt , but that we must inevitably perish within some minutes . These words I received as from a Deaths-head , which I never heard speak before ; and truly his very looks would have sufficiently declared what message he was about to deliver , viz. ruine and immediate destruction . Our inexpressible fears bereaved us of the power of counselling one another ; neither did we know what was best to be done . Our Master commanded our Long-boat to cast out , and withall , ordered some eight Guns to be fir'd , which methought resembled so many toles of my passing-bell , when I was design'd to pass by Sr. Sepulchres Church in a Cart , guarded by fellows whose visages were the true resemblance of the Saracens-head on Snow-hill , for terror , horror , and merciless proceeding ; as to all which , these Canibals will out-vie that inhumane and bloody Nation . Every man indeavoured to shift for himself , and I among the rest ( being loath to be drowned alone ) leapt short of the boat , and fell into the Sea in Charontis Cymba ; but necessity then forcing me to use treble diligence to recover my self , with much difficulty I got into the boat : I was no sooner there , but another leapt down upon me , and had like to have beaten the rest of my breath out of my body : which I took kindly enough ; for I would have been content to have born them all on my back , ●…ay , boat and all , so that I might have escaped with life . We were constrained to leave many of our friends behind us , and committed our selves to the Sea , driving us we knew not whither . Now were all our hopes dashed , as well as our selves , by the waves ; for were almost in despair of humane help : for we were left in the wide Ocean , which did not at that time wear a smooth brow , but contending with the wind , swell'd into prodigious mountains , which every moment threatned our overwhelming . How could we expect safety in an open Shaloup , when so stately a Castle of wood , which we but now lost , could not defend it self , nor preserve us from the insolency of the imperious waves ? We were many leagues from any shore , having neither Compass to guide us , nor provision to sustain us , being as well starv'd with cold as hunger . Several bags of Money we had with us ; but what good could that do us , where there is no exchange ? We could neither eat nor drink it ; neither would it keep us warm , nor purchase our deliverance . Therefore we may justly esteem of money in its own nature , as an impotent creature , a very cripple , inutile pondus , an useless burden . I could not now imagine any thing could preserve us , less then a miracle : and as we were all sinful creatures , especially my self , we could not expect that nature should go out of her ordinary way to save us . The waves indeed carried us up to Heaven , Jam jam tacturos sidera summa putes . Neptune sure at this time was very gamesome , for he play'd at Tennis with us poor mortals , makeing a wave his Racket to bandie us up and down like Balls : Sometimes we seem'd so proud and lofty , being raised so high , as if we had been about to scale Heaven ; which the incensed Deity perceiving seemed again to throw us down headlong to Hell , for too much ambition and presumption : yet I could not see , but that the extremity of our condition pleaded for us , crying aloud for pity and compassion . I now was silent , committing my self into the hands of providence ; yet verily believing , that the inversion of the old Proverb appertained to me , that being not born to be hang'd , I should be drown'd . Commonly we are not so much mov'd with a clamorous and importunate beggar , who hunts after our Alms with open mouth , and makes Hue and Cry after our Charity ( as if we had rob'd him who begs of us ) as with the silence of impotent and diseased Lazaro's : their sores speak loudest to our affections : Quot vulnera , tot ora ; each wound is a gaping mouth strenuously imploring mercy ; the sight whereof , cannot but melt the most obdurate spectator into a charitable compassion . This was our case , our misery was louder than our prayers , and our deplorable condition , certainly was more prevalent then our imperfect devotions . In this moment of death , when we were without the least expectation of any deliverance the wind chopt about , and drove back one Ship that had over-run us : this was unquestionably Digitus Dei. This Ship made towards us , and we what in us lay , towards it : The wind blew hard , and the insulting Sea , that will not admit of pity , rose high upon us : so that we were forced to lave the water out of the boat with our hats . It was my chance to sit on the weather side ; fain would I have exchanged my place , but such complements are useless in a storm ; so that I was constrained to endure patiently the indignation of my raging enemy . But now began an other dispair ; for with all our endeavours we could not reach the Ship , nor she us , although she hung on the Lee to retard her course . Thus our pregnant hopes brought forth nothing but wind and water ( for the Ship rode on furiously before the wind , and we came after in pursuit of her , as slowly as if an hedghog had been running with a Race-horse ; ) so that we which before flattered our selves with an assurance of safety , were as much confounded with a certainty of perishing . In my opinion it is better to have no hopes at all , than be disappointed in them : doubtless it did redouble the punishment of Tantalus , to touch what he could not taste . That Mariner , who seeing a fatal necessity for it , is contented to die in a tempest , would be exceedingly troubled to perish in a Haven , In Portu perire . In this very condition were we , having a Ship near us , but could not board her for stress of weather ; so that ruine attended us , though all the while we lookt safety in the face . Now did it grow dark , whereby we could not see which way to row : though this was an evil in its own nature , yet accidentally it became our benefit : for not seeing our danger , we understood it not ; but redoubling our strength , we brake through the waves , and by the assistance of a light , which was in the Ship , we directed our course truly ; and now did we find we were very neer her . As soon as we toucht her on the Lee-side , the Sea-men , with the rest in the boat , being more dexterous in the art of climbing than my self , never regarding their exil'd Prisoner , ( whom they ought to have taken charge of ) got all up into the Ship in a moment , leaving me alone in the boat . By good hap they threw me out a Rope , which once had like to have de prived me of my life , but was now the preserver : which I held fast , to keep the boat from staving off . Our boat was half full of water , and the waves dasht it so violently against the Ship-side , that every such stroke struck me down , so that I had like to have been drowned ( and did much fear it ) in that epitome of the Sea. It would have vexed a man in my condition , to escape by swimming over a large River , and coming ashore , to be drowned in a wash-bowl . At last with much difficulty I got aboard too . The Master , Merchants , &c. having sav'd their lives ( even miraculously ) one would have thought they should not have been so pensive as they were for the loss of their goods . Those which lost much , took it very heavily ; those which lost less , their affliction was greater , having lost all : I was the most glad , joy riding in triumph in my chearful countenance , having lost nothing , neither could I anything , but my life . Having escapt so miraculously , it was unchristian-like to murmur at any loss ; and as ridiculous , as if a man being restored to life , should complain that his winding-sheet had sustained some damage by lying in the grave . The Ship wherein we were , was bound for the Canaries , the winde blowing very fair for that coast . The second night after our deliverance , about ten a clock , having set our Watch , we laid our selves down to rest , with the thoughts of much safety and security , but it was otherwise decreed ; for about one a clock we were forced to use all hands aloft , a most terrible storm beginning to arise , and the wind blew so furiously , that before morning we lost out Bow-sprit and Mizon : we durst not bear the least sayl , but let the Ship drive whither the winde and waves pleased ; and before the next night , we could not indure our remaining Masts standing , but were necessitated to cut them by the board . Thus we were tumbled up and down for four dayes , and as many nights , contending with the waves in a Pitcht-battel , not knowing where we were , till our Ship struck so violently against a Rock , that the horrid noise thereof would have even made a dead man startle ; to which , add the hideous cries of the Sea-men , bearing a part with the whistling windes & roaring Sea ; all which together , seemed to me to be the truest Representation of the Day of Judgement . The Ship stuck fast so long between two Rocks , as that we had time enough , all of us , to leap out ; the only means left us for our safety . We all got upon a Rock , and the Morning-star having drawn the Curtain of the night , we found that we were a very little distance from the shore ; getting thereon , and ranging to and fro , we at last espied a small house , the sight whereof made us direct our foot-steps thither , steering our course solely by the compass of our eyes : being come to the house , the Master thereof stood at the door ; we addrest our selves to him in English , but his replications were in Spanish , which we understood not : wherefore I spake to him in Latine , in which language he answered me , Tam compte , tam prompte , both quaintly and readily . In that tongue I made a shift to tell him the sad Illiades of our misfortunes . This noble Spaniard understood it better by our looks , than my relations ; which made such a deep impression in his soul , that his gravity could not forbear the shedding of some few tears , so that one would have thought he suffered Shipwrack as well as we . He desired us to come into his house , & refresh our selves : what little meat he had , stew'd in a horse-load of herbs , with some pottage onely seasoned by a piece of Bacon , that had serv'd for that purpose at least a dozen times , he ordered to be set before us ; being no wayes sparing of his wine , better than any I ever yet could taste in Taverns ; this good man being not acquainted with dashings , dulcifyings , &c. Seeing us eat so heartily , he caused another dish to be provided , which was composed of such variety of creatures , that I thought he had served us in as a Mess , the first Chapter of Genesis : This Olla-podridra was so 〈◊〉 , that the distinction of each creature was sauc'd 〈◊〉 our knowledge . Having satisfied our hungry 〈◊〉 machs , he dismist all excepting my self , desiring me to accept of what kindness he could do me , for he confest he took much pleasure in my society and discourse . I was very well contented to entertain his proffer : in some few dayes he told me he was to go to Sea , being Captain of a Vessel that lay in Perimbane , a small ea-faring Town near the place of our Shipwrack ; and asking me whether I would go with him to the Indies ( whither he was bound , ) I readily consented , and in some few dayes after we did sail from thence , to perfect our intended Voyage . CHAP. LXVII . From Perimbana , a small maritine Town on the Spanish coast , he sets sail with Captain Ferdinando ●…lasquez bound to the East-Indies ; but by the way 〈◊〉 with three Turkish Galleys , and by them is taken , miserably abused , and imprisoned . AN hour before day we left the Port , and failed along the coast before the winde ; about noon we discerned three vessels , whereupon we gave them chase : in less than two hours we got up to them , and then we could easily perceive that they were Turkish Galleys ; whereof we were no sooner assured , but we betook our selves to flight , making to Land with all speed possible , to avoid the danger that inevitably threatned us . The Turks understanding our design , presently hoisted up all their sails , and having the wind favourable , bore up to us so close , and getting within a small Faulcon-shot of us , they discharged their Ordnance on us , wherewith they killed eight of our men , and wounded as many more ; and so battered our Ship beside , that we were forc'd to throw a great quantity of our lading over-board . The Turks in the mean while lost no time , but grappled us ; we on the other side , who were able to fight , knowing that on our valour & undaunted courage depended our lives , or loss of liberty , with perpetual slavery , resolved to fight it out . With this determination we boarded their Admiral , doing very eminent exccution ; but being over-powred with numbers , we were so overprest and wearied , that we desisted from making any further resistance : For , of 35 men we had at first , we only had remaining ten , whereof two died the next day , whom the Turks caused to be cut in pieces or quarters , which they hung at the end of their Main-yard for a sign of Victory . Being taken , we were carried by them to a Town called Mocaa , and received by the Governor and Inhabitants , who expected and waited the coming of these Pirates . In the company was likewise one of the chiefest Sacerdotal dignity ; and because he had been a little before in Pilgrimage at the Temple of their Propher Mabomet in Meca , he was honoured and esteemed by all the people as a very holy man. This Mahometan Impostor rid in a triumphant Chariot up & down the Town , covered all over with silk Tapistry , and with a deal of ceremonious fopperies , bestowed on the people his benediction as he passed along , exhorting them to return hearty thanks to their great Prophet for this Victory obtained over us . The Inhabitants hearing that we were Christians taken Captives , flockt about us ; and being exceedingly transported with choler , fell to beating of us in that cruel manner , that I thought it a vain thing to hope to escape alive our of their hands ; and all this , because we owned the names of Christians . When I was in England , I justly was senteneed to die for my villany , and now here only for the bare profession of Christianity , I must not be suffered to live . This wicked Caecis ( as they called him ) instigated them on to those outrages they committed ; who made them believe , that the worse they dealt with us , the more favour and mercy they should receive from Mahomet hereafter . We were chained all together , and in that manner were we led in triumph ; and as we past along , we had our heads washt with womens Rose-water , thrown down upon us from Balconies , with other filth , in derision and contempt of the name of Christian ; wherein every one strived to be most forward , being instigated thereunto by their Priest. My sufferings then , put me in mind of my former wishes , to be as unfortunate Andronicus , miserably afflicted here , that I might escape eternal torments hereafter : I received in part the effect of my quondam wishes , no ways acceptable to my present desires . Having tyred themselves in tormenting us till the evening , bound as we were , they clapt us into the Dungeon , where we remained 21 dayes exposed to all kind of misery , having no other provision allowed us , than a little Oat-meal or Rice and water , which was distributed to us every morning , what should serve us for that whole day : for variety sake , we had sometimes a small quantity of Pease soak'd in water . CHAP. LXVIII . He is brought forth into the Market-place , and there put to sale ; he is bought by a Jew ( a miserable avaricious man ) and by a stratagem he delivers himself from that Master , is sold to a Graecian , in heart a Christian : the Ship being taken , and his Master drowned , he escaping to shore by swimming , is at his own liberty . IN the morning the Goaler repairing to us , found two of our miserable companions dead , by reason of their wounds , which were many , and not lookt into . This made him haste to the Guazil or Judge , to acquaint him of what had hapned ; who upon information given , came to the prison in person , attended with Officers and other people : where having caused their irons to be struk off , he ordered their bodies to be dragged thorow the Town , and so cast in the Sea. We that remained were chained altogether , and so led out of prison unto the common place of sale , to be sold to him that should give most . By reason of my strength ( which those that lookt on me might argue , from the streightness and firmness of my limbs , being elevated by the Pole above a common or middle stature ) I was first bought by one , whom at the first sight , I could not well tell whether he was Man or Devil ; for his complexion was of the same colour as the Devil is usually rendred : to say all in short , he was a Jew . He carried me home to his house , where I no sooner arrived , but he markt me for his own : My employment was constantly to turn a hand-mill ; if I rested at any time , though ever so little , the punishment he inflicted on me was , three or four blows on either the belly or souls of my feet ; which were doubled or trebled according as he judged of my offence : my diet was such as only served to keep me alive . In general he used me so cruelly , that becoming desperate , I once thought it better resolutely to cut the thread of my life , than spin it our longer in so much wretchedness & misery . Revenge too induc'd me to the undertaking of this attempt , as knowing him to be the most covetous wretch living , and therefore would even hang himself when he should lose what he payed for me : but reconsidering my self , I made choice of a better expedient , which was to pretend ( what I intended not ) to kill my self , I made choice of such a time , when I was sure some one or other was set to watch me ; who perceiving that I was about to destroy my self , rusht in and prevented me , and went forthwith to inform my Master of what he had seen ; advising him withall to sell me out of hand , otherwise he would infallibly be a loser by me . My Master taking notice of my countenance and behaviour , resolved to put his friends counsel in practise , and so sold me to another , who fortunately proved a Greek , that in shew was a Mahometan , but cordially a Christian , Once more was I delivered from miseries that are hardly to be endured , and was imbarqued with my new Master in a Ship bound for the East-Indies . In the course that we held , we sail'd with so prosperous a gale , that in a very short time we arrived in view of the Fort of Diu ; but seeing several vessels lying before that Fort , firing against it in an hostile manner we shaped our course to Goa , where we arrived in safety . From hence we sayled unto the River Lugor : just as we were entring its Mouth , we saw a great Junk coming upon us , which perceiving us to be few in number , and our Vessel but small , fell close with our Prow on the Larboard-side , and then those that were in her , threw in to us great Cramp-irons fastned unto two long chains , wherewith they grappled us fast unto them ; which they had no sooner done , but incontinently some seventy or eighty Mahometans started outfrom under the Hatches , that till then had lain lurking there ; and pouring out their small-shot upon us , clapt us aboard in an instant . Those that knew what it was to be a slave to the merciless Turks , leapt into the Sea , whereof I was one : we were not far from land , so that it was not long before I got safe to shore ; it was my Masters misfortune ( and truly I think my unhappiness , for he behaved himself to me as to one of his familiar friends ) being wounded , & ignorant in swimming , to be entomb'd in the deep . There were some five or six more that escapt the danger of their enemies and the Sea , that wading up to the Waste in mud , landed in safety ; with these I hid my self in the next adjacent Wood. There was hardly one of us but received some hurt ; and being now divested of all hope of help , we could not forbear to unman our selves by weeping , complaining against our hard destiny , that should in so short a time bring us into so sad a disaster . In this desolation we spent the remaining tragical part of the day ; but considering with our selves , that the place was moorish , and full of venemous creatures , we betook our selves to the Owze , standing therein up to the middle . The next morning , by break of day , we went along by the River-side , until we came to a little Channel , which we durst not pass ( not knowing its depth ) for fear of Lizards , plenty whereof we had sight of therein : we wandred so long to avoid this and the Bogs covered with rushes , which environed us about , till that we were forced to rest our selves , being so weary and so hungry , that we could not go one step farther . In the morning awaking , four of our company lay dead , so that there was only one remaining to bear me company : I now thought my condition worse than if I had hung at Tyburn , surrounded with a full Jury of fellow-sufferers : my companion and I , with tears , sang the obsequies of our dead friends , expecting hourly our own dissolution : Their bodies we covered with a little earth , as well as we could ; for we were then so feeble , that we could hardly stir , nay , nor speak . In this place we rested our selves , intending to bear our friends company to their eternal rest . Some four hours after this our resolution , about Sun-set , we espied a Barque rowing up the River : coming near us we hailed her , and prostrating our selves on the ground , beseeched those that were in her to receive us on board . Amazed to see us in that posture on our bended knees , and hands lifted up to Heaven , they stopt : our cries for succour reacht their eares , which obtained commiseration from their hearts ; so taking us in , they carried us with them to Lugor , where about Noon next day we landed . The people are fearful black like the Devil , whom they superstitiously worship , in the form of a bloody Dragon : They have many Idols amongst them which they hold in great esteem , as a Ram-goat , a Bat , an Owl , a Snake , or Dog , to whom they ceremoniously bow or kneel , groveling upon the earth , and throwing dust on their faces ; they offer Rice , Roots , Herbs , and the like , which is devoured by the Witches ; these devillish creatures being both feared and esteemed by the Savages . The female sex , against the appearing of the New-moon , assemble upon a Mountain , where turning up their bare bums , they contemptuously defie the Queen of Heaven , who hath this despight shewn her , because they suppose her the causer of their monthly-courses . They are much given to novelties , amongst which dogs are of very great value with them : Insomuch , that whilst I was there , I saw six slaves exchanged for one Europaean Cur. They abound with the choicest of natures blessings , as health , strength , and wealth , but are very inhumane and uncivil ; for they delight much to feed on mans flesh , eating it with more satisfaction than any other food . Upon my first arrival , I did not rightly understand their meaning by feeling my flesh , but when I was informed , that like Butchers , they felt my flank to know how fat I was , they never toucht me afterwards with their fingers , but I fancied my self either boiled or roasted , and that their hands , my bearers , were conveying me to the open Sepulchres of their months , to be entombed in the gutrumbling Monument of their bellies : whereas other Anthropophagi content their appetites with the flesh of their enemies , these cover most their friends , whom they imbowel with much greediness , saying , they can no way better express a true affection , than to incorporate their dearest friends and relations into themselves , as in love before , now in body , uniting two in one ( in my opinion ) a bloody sophistry . It is a very truth , of which I was an eye-witness , they have Shambles of men and womens flesh , joynted and cut into several pieces fit for dressing . It is usual for some , either weary of life , or so sick , they have no hopes of recovery , to proffer themselves to these inhumane Butchers , who returning them thanks , dissect or cut them out into small parcels , and so are sodden and eaten . It is a custom among them , when they would add to their beauties ( deformity ) to slash their faces in several places . They adore those two glorious Planets , the Sun and Moon , believing they livein Matrimony . They are much addicted to rapine and theevery , and they chuse to commit any villany rather by day than night , because they suppose thereby the Moon and Stars will never give testimony against them . Their heads are long , and their hair curled , seeming rather wool than hair : Their ears are very long , being extended by ponderous bawbles they hang there , stretching the holes to a great capacity . Both men and women hideously slash their flesh in sundry forms ; their brows , noses , cheeks , arms , breasts , back , belly , thighs and legs , are pinkt , and cut in more admirable ( than amiable ) manner . They contemn apparel , and indeed , the heat of the Climate will not permit them to wear any ; very few have nothing on to cover their secrets . Most have but one stone , the other is forced away in their infancy , that Venus may not too much allure them from Martial exploits : wherefore the women take great delight in strangers . One of them so strongly besieged my modesty , that more for fear than love , I yielded to her incontinency : I was displeased at nothing but the fight of her ; for her flesh , no Velvet could be softer . There are in this place great quantity of Lions , which in dark weather use great subtility to catch and eat some Savages : They again in the day-time dig pits , and covering them with boughs , do train the couragious Lions thither , where they receive destruction , eating them to day , who perhaps were Sepulchres to their friends or parents the day before . I have seen these well-bred people descend in a morning from the Mountains , adorned ▪ with the raw guts of Lions or other wilde beasts , serving for an hour or two for chains or neck-laces , and afterwards for their breakfast ; of which good chear , if I would not participate , I might fast for them : so that my squeamish stomack was forc'd to give entertainment to that unwelcome guest , to keep starving out of doors . The Ship that brought us hither , was now ready to set sail , being bound for Goa , the Master whereof was a Portugal , who understood Latine and French very well , of which I was not ignorant : I addrest my self to him in the French tongue , desiring him to accept of mine and my Comerades service ; which he condescended to with much willingness . At Goa we stayed not long , but from thence passing towards Surrat , a vehement and unexpected storm overtook us , for three dayes raging incessantly , so that those which were acquainted with those parts , very much feared an Hero-cane , a tempest commonly of thirty dayes continuance , and of such sury , that Ships , Trees , and Houses perish unavoidably in it : once in nine years , it seems , it fails not to visit them . It chanc'd , that my Comerade being heedless and unexperienc'd in Sea-affairs , was washt off by a wave into the Sea , and so was buried in the large and deep grave of the vast Ocean ; a sure treasury for the resurrection . The foulness of the weather fore'd a Junk-man of War , full of desperate Malabars , a bloody and warlike people , in view of us ; but the Seas were too losty for them to board us . After three watches , the Sea changed colour , and was calmer ; and by the swimming of many snakes about our Vessel , the Sea-men knew we were not far from shore , landing shortly after safely at Surrat . CHAP. LXIX . From hence be sct sail to Swalley-Road , and so from thence coasted till be arrived at Delyn a Town that belongs to the Malabars : be gives an account of what be there saw and observed . SOme two hours after we set fail , we were becalmed , having not the least breeze of winde , the weather withall being exceeding hot and sultry : at length we arrived in Swalley-Road , where was riding an English Vessel ; there we east anchor , the English men came aboard of us , whom our Captain welcomed with the best of his entertainment . I could not forbear embracing my dear Country-men , shewing them so many demonstrations of joy , that by their looks , they seemed to question whether I was in my right wits . Their Masters-mate calling me aside , askt me , how I came to be ingaged in this Vessel ? how long since I came from England ? with many other questions too redious here to relate . To all which I gave him such satisfactory answers , that he seemed very well pleased . I gave him a summary relation of what I had suffer'd , since my departure from my own Country ; the report whereof , seemed to extract much pity from him . In fine , I told him , I had a great desire to see England again , and to that end desired him to make use of what interest he could , to remove me into their Ship : he promised he would ; and accordingly giving a Present to our Captain , he so far prevailed upon him to let me go , and perswaded the chief of whom he was concerned withal , to entertain me , which they did with much willingness . I was so like a Sea-man in this short time , that none could distinguish me from one that received his first rocking in a Ship. I carried about me as deep an hoguo of Tarpawlin as the best of them , and there was no term of art belonging to any part of the Ship or tackling , but what I understood . I could drink water that stunk ( as if stercus humanum had been steept two or three days in it ) as well as any of them , and eat beef and pork ( that stirred as if it had received a second life , and was crawling out of the platter to seek out the rest of his Members ) I say , I could devour it with as much greediness ( scorning that my appetite should be ever again taxed with any of those Epithetes , either nice or squea mish ) as if it had been but nine hours , instead of nine Months , in salt . And to make me the more compleat , I had forgot to wash either hands or face , or what the use of a comb or shirt was , neither did I know how to undress my self ; or if wet to the skin , to make use of any other means than my natural heat to dry my self : I never lookt on a hat or band , but as Prodigies . But to return to my purpose , where I left off . In three days time we set sail for Swalley-Road , steering our course from them all along the coast of India , Decan , and Malabar . I knew not whither they intended , neither did I care now , as thinking my self safe , being amongst my friends : on the 20 of April , seven days from our weighing auchor in Swalley-Road , we came to an anchor at Delyn , a Town of the Malabars : We durst not land , the people being so treacherous and bloody ; yet we suffered them to come aboard us in their small Canoo●… , selling us for any trisles , Coco-nuts , Jacks , Green-pepper , Indian-pease , Hens , Eggs , and the like . They brought us likewise Oranges of so pleasant a taste , the rinde vying with the juice , which shall become most grateful to the palate : We had likewise from them Plantanes , a fruit supposed by some , to be that which Eve was tempted withal ; if a man gathers them green , yet will they ripen afterwards , coloured with a dainty yellow : the rinde or skin will peel off with much facility ; they melt in the mouth , giving a most delicious taste and relish . These Malabars are coal-black , well limb'd , their hair long and curled ; about their heads they only tye a small piece of linnen , but about their bodies nothing but a little cloth which covers their secrets . Not withstanding their cruelty & inhumanity , we man'd out our long-boat , and 15 , whercof I was one , went ashore , carrying some Muskets and Swords with us , suspecting the worst : Landing , they fled from us , but not without sending good store of po●…soned arrows & darts amongst us . It is no wonder that these people are so black , for they live under the scorching fire of the torrid Zone . We returned to our Ship , finding it no way safe to stay here longer ; next morning hoising sail , we came to Canavar , where we met with people more civil , whereupon we landed ; and receiving things from the inhabitants of considerable value , for toys and trifles we gave them in lieu , we resolved to stay here a while . The better sort of these people are call'd Nairo's , whose heads are cover'd with a low tulipant , & their middles with a party-coloured Plad , resembling a Scotch Plad : The poorer sort have nothing but a small vail over their privities , wholly naked elsewhere ; which vail or flap the women in courtesie will turn aside , and shew a man their Pudenda , by way of gratitude for any courtesie received , as if they would render satisfaction with that , which could never receive plenary satisfaction it self . They have a strange custom in their Marriages , observed among them by the highest to the lowest : who so marrieth , is not to have the first nights imbraces with his Bride , but is very well contented to bestow her Maiden-head on the Bramini , or Priest , who do not alwayes enjoy it , being glutted with such frequent offerings , and therefore will many times sell them to strangers . Such a proffer I had once made me , and with shame I must confess , I did accept it , forgetting those sacred vows I made in Newgate , to live a more pious , strict and sober life . The Bride that night , was plac'd in one of their Fanes , as its customary , the Priest or Bramin coming to her ; but instead thereof , according to agreement between this Priestly Paynim and my self , I went : I wondred to find her so low of stature , but I did not much matter it then , minding something else ; which having performed , I departed . The next morning I had a great desire to see her , but was amazed to see her so young , believing it impossible ( though I knew the contrary ) a child ( for I may so call her , being but seven years of age ) could be capable of mans reception at that tender age . Afterwards , I was informed , it was usual for them to marry so soon ; first , being extreamly salacious and leacherous , and as fit , nay , as prone to enjoy man at that age , as Europaeans at fourteen . Next , they extreamly honour Wedlock , insomuch , that if any of their children die whilst very young , they will hire some Maiden to be married to him , and so lie with him the night after his decease . So soon as we arrived ( which is a custom they use to all strangers , of what Country soever ) we had presented us choice of many Virgins ; our Boat-swain chusing one he fancied for a small price , she guided him to a lodging , where if he would have stayed so long , she would have performed his domestick affairs , as well at board as bed , discharging her duty very punctually : but he that undertakes any such thing , must be very wary that he be not venereally familiar with any other woman , lest that she with whom he hath contracted himself for such a time , doth recompence his inconstancy with mortal poyson . At his departure , her wages must be paid to her Parents , who returns then with much joy , and they receive her with as much credit and oftentation . The chiefest among them hold it a very great courtesie , if any one will save them the labour , pain and trouble , by accepting the Hymeneal rites of hi●… Bride . I should have told the Reader , that the Bramins are so much respected and esteemed by the commonalty , that if any of them gets their wives or daughters with child , they believe that off-spring to be much holier than their own , being extracted from Pagan piety . Their Funerals they celebrate after this manner : Bringing the dead corpse near to their Fanes or Churches , they consume it to ashes , by fire made of sweet smelling wood , unto which they add costly perfumes in Aromatick gums and spices : If the wife only ( for here they will not hear of Polygamy ) cast not her self into the flames voluntarily , they look upon her to be some common prostitute , having not any thing commendable in her natural disposition ; but if she freely commits her self to the flames , with her husbands carcase , she from that noble act ( for so it is esteemed of among these infidels ) derives to her memory , reputation and glory amongst her surviving friends and kindred . They are deluded on to this resolution by their Bramins , who perswade them by so doing , they shall enjoy variety of perpetual pleasures , in a place that is never disturbed by alteration of weather , wherein night is banisht , there being a continual spring ; neither is there wanting any thing that shall ravish each individual sense . This was at first a stratagem invented by some long-headed Politician , to divert them from murdering their husbands ( which they were frequently guilty of , by reason of their extream leachery and insatiate venery ) so by that means they were reduc'd to that good order , as that they tendered the preservation of their husbands healths and lives equally with their own . For my part , I could wish the like custom enjoyn'd on all married English females ( for the love I bear to my own Country ) which I am confident would prevent the destruction of thousands of well-meaning Christians , which receive a full stop in the full career of their lives , either by corrupting their bodies by venemous medicaments administred by some preteded Doctors hand ( it may be her Stallion ) unto which he is easily perswaded , by the good opinion he hath of his wifes great care and affection for him : or else his body is poysoned by sucking or drawing in the contagious fumes which proceed from her contaminated body , occasion'd by using pluralities for her venereal satisfaction , & so dies of the new Consumption . Or Lastly , by pettish and pe●…ulant behaviour , she wearieth him of his life , and at last is willing to die , that he may be freed , not only from the clamorous noise of her tongue , but that the derision of his neighbours , and scandal that she hath brought upon him , may not reach his ears . That all such might be mindful of their duty , I would have ( were it at my disposing ) these two lines fixt as a Motto to their doors . A Couchant Cuckold , and a rampant Wife , A Cop'latives disjunctive all their life . CHAP. LXX . From Delyn he sailed to Zeyloon ; with what he there observed . THe Isle of Zeyloon is very famous , and not far distant from the Point of India , called Cape Comrein ; it abounds with all sorts of odoriferous and Aromatical Spices ; the people are Pagans , not owning a Deity : some though have heard of Christ , and others of Mahomet , but such are rarely to be found . They go naked , not compelled thereunto by want or poverty , but meer heat of the Sun. They are greaet Idolaters , worshipping things in monstrous shapes . On the top of a high Mountain , they have set conspicuously the Idaea of an horrible Caco-Daemon , unto which Pilgrims from remote parts do resort ; and upon this account , a King of Zeyloon coming , once derided this Idol : another time , intending to make a second repetition of his former derifion , the King was even frighted out of his wits ; for not onely he , but his attendants all saw how this Daemon threatned him for so doing , by shaking a flaming Cymeter , and rowling his fiery eyes , from his mouth gaping , issued out fiery flames ; whereat this King returns with as much penitence as amazemenr , resolving by his due respect and worship for the time to come , to make an atonement for his former errors . For my part , had I not believed there was a Devil , the sight of this horrid monstrous representation would have induc'd me into the belief that this was one really . They have in another place a Chappel , in which they adore the Devil ( whom they call Deumo ) the height whereof is about three yards , and uncovered : the wooden entrance is engraven with hellish shapes ; within , their beloved Devil or Deumo , is enthronized on a brazen Mount : From his head issue four great horns , his eyes of an indifferent proportionable bigness , having somewhat a larger circumserence than two sawcers ; his nose flat ; a mouth like a porteullice , beautified with fours tusks , like Elephants teeth ; his hands like claws , and his feet not unlike a Monkeys : beside him stand lesser Deumo's attending on this grand Pagod , some whereof are represented or pictured devouring souls . Every morning the Priest washeth them , nor departing till he hath craved their malediction ; and when he takes his leave , he is very careful of offending the Devil by shewing his posteriors , and therefore goes from him retragrade , stedfastly fixing his eyes on the Idol . 'T is strange that a rational soul should be so much infatuated , as to adore such a monstrous and ridiculous thing . The people in way of mutual love and amity , use to exchange their wives ; a thing , though much hated by the jealous Spaniard , yet would be very acceptable to other Europaeans , or else to be rid of them altogether , who are the daily murderers of their content and quiet . Polygamy , or plurality of Wives , is here permitted ; and as the men are granted the liberty to have more than one wise , so are the women allowed more than one husband . However , the woman hath the disposal lest her of her children , giving them to him she hath the greatest affection for ; which he receives , not questioning his interest or right ( by generation ) unto the infant . Elsewhere the Fates decreed a Cuckol'ds lot , To keep that child another man begot ; And by his joy therein he plainly shows , He thanks the man that pay'd those debts he owes : But these She-Blacks in justice thought it fit , That he which got the child , likewise keep it : Therefore both love and custom made it so , On the true Father they the child bestow : By which good Law unto each man 't is known , That he doth keep no other child but 's own . Were this observ'd in England , I durst swear , Some what-d'ye-lacks would Heirs to Lords appear ; And half of what some own , must be conferr'd On such who have a Fathers name deserv'd . These Blacks do tax our women , for they paint The Devil white , and make him seem a Saint ; To let them know , they are far greater evils ; For fairest females oft are foulest Devils . We stayed not long here , but having dispatcht what we came for , we sailed along the coast of Choromandel , and landed at Meliapor . The people are much after the same complexion of those of Delyn , only a little more duskie , and go in a manner naked too . Here are like wise great store of Bramins , who are very busie and industrious to instruct these poor ignorant souls in the perfect way to damnation ; sor which they have the honour and estimation of all conferred upon them . We man'd out our long-boat and went ashore ; upon our landing , it was our hap to be eye-witnesses of one of their Funerals , which was performed after this manner . The husband was carried before the combustible Pile ; his most dearly loving wise closely following after him , attended by her Parents and children ; musick ( such as they have , which I cannot compare to that of the Spheres ) playing before , behind , and on each side of her . She was drest both neatly & sumptuously , to the height of the rudeness of their art ; her head , neck , and arms ( not omiting her nose , legs , and toes ) each bedeckt and charged with Bracelets of silver , with jewels every where about her distributed : She carried flowers in her hands , which she disposed of to those she met . The Priest going backwards before her , shewed her a magical glass , which represented to her sight whatever might be pleasing to her sensual appetite . The Bramin all along inculcating to her thoughts , the sense-ravishing and affable joys she shall possess after her decease ; at which this poor deluded soul smiled , and seemed to be much transported . We followed them till they came to the fire , which was made of sweet odoriferous wood . As soon as her dead husband was committed to the flames , she voluntarily leapt in after him , incorporating her self with the fire , and his ashes : we wondred that the standers-by would permit her thus to destroy her self , imagining this rash action proceeded from the ardency of her affection ; but perceiving her friends to throw in after her , jewels and many precious things , with much exultation and expressions of joy , we concluded this to be the effects of custom . Such as resuse to burn in this manner , are immediately shaven , and are hourly in danger to be murdered by their own issue or kindred , looking upon them as strumpets : and indeed many of them are so audaciously impudent , that upon the least distaste , or not having their luxurious expectations answered , nothing more intended or indeavoured than the lives of their husbands . They are in these parts so extreamly idolatrous , and so over-swayed by the Devil , that they adore a great Idol made of Copper gilded , whose statue is carried up and down , mounred on a glorious Charriot , with eight very large wheels overlayed with gold ; the afcent or steps to the charriot are very large & capacious , on which sit the Priests , attended by little young girles , who for devotion sake , proftirute themselves freely to the heat of any libidinous spectator ; for so doing , they are intitled the Pagodes children : A very strange zeal in their bewitched or besotted Parents , to destinate the off-spring of their bodies , from their non-age , to such an abominable liberty ; for by letting them know the use of Man so soon , it cannot but be very prejudicial to their bodies , but also invest them with the thoughts of perpetual whoring : For , that woman that shall admit of more than one to her private imbraces , will admit of any upon the like account . Nay , such is their blind zealand superstition , that as the Chariot passoth , some will voluntarily throw themselves under the wheels , who are crusht in pieces by the weight of the Idol and its attendants , suffering death without the benefit of a happy ( but to them unhappy ) Martyrdom . CHAP. LXXI . From Zeyloon , he arrived at Syam ; and what there he saw and observed . SYam is a Kingdom contiguous to Pegu , a part of the East-Indies : And , as the people are included within the burning Zone , therefore far from being fair ; yet are tall of stature , very strong and valiant , and generally so strait , that few are found among them crooked . Formerly they were much given to Sodomy : to prevent which , 't was wisely ordered , ( though strangely ) that the males as soon as born , should have a bell ofgold ( and in it a dry'd Adders tongue ) put through the prepuce and flesh . When then desire of copulation stimulates any of them , he presents himself to some expert Midwives ; who advise him to drink Opium , or some such somniferous potion ; which having done in their presence , he falls asleep ; during which interval , they remove the ball , and apply to the orifice from whence it was taken , an unguent , which affords a speedy cure : then is he free to make use of such as his fancy leads him to . The young Girles are served in a worse manner ; and it it as great a rarity , to find a pure Virgin here at ten years old , as to finde a Maid at sixteen , in most places of Franc , or its neighbouring Countreys . And that these young Fry may be capable of that employment they are destinated unto , they have potions given them to drink . The women here ( still the more to allure the men from that detestable and unnatural act of Sedomy ) go naked ; ( as little a novelty in these parts , as for Irish and Scotch to wash their cloaths with their feet , their coats , smock and all tuckt up about their middles , though twenty men stand by as ( deriding spectators ) I say , they go naked to their middles , where the better sort are covered with a fine transparent Taffata or dainty Lawn , which by a cunning device is so made to open , that as they pass along , the least air discovers all , to all mens immodest views . Their Priests , which they call Tallapoi , are seeming very zealously superstitious : they fomewhat incline to Mahometanism ; for they pretend they will not drink wine , being forbidden it by their Law , yet are abominable hypocrites : for , though they wear a sheep-skin with the wool thereon , not suffering any hair to be on their bodies , and in shew lead a chaste life , yet I found the contrary ; as you shall understand by what past between one of them and my self . I being on shore with our Ships crew , I chanc'd to walk abroad , carrying with me a bottle of Spanish-wine : As I entred into a Wood , intending not to adventure too far , there came to me one of these Tallapoi or Priests , in the habit aforesaid , with a horn about his neck , resembling a Sowgelder's but much less ; with which , I was told , they , with the sound thereof , used to convene the people to hear them preach . This holy Infidel espying me , blest himself , ( as I guest by his gesture ) & approaching near me , I imagined that he prayed for me , by the elevation of his and eyes hands : as a requital , I proffered him some of my wine ; and having tasted thereof , lik'd it so well , that by signs , I understood he desired his hornfull of me : to tell you the truth , I lik'd it so well my self , that I had no desire to part with one drop more of it ; but his importunities so far prevailed , that I granted his request ; which having obtained , he made no more ado but drank it off , making but one gulp thereof ; a thing contrary to the strictness of his profession . After this , he seemed to bless me , and so departed . It was but a little while , before he again presented himself to my view ; and beckoning to me , I followed him : coming close up to him , he pointed with his finger to a place , where covertly I espy'd three Maidens ( as I supposed ) to whom he by signs perswaded me to go . Sitting down amongst them , they entertained me with as much civility as they were endued withall , and courted me after their amorous fashion . One of these was the handsomest that I have seen in those parts ; though not to be compared , for form of face , with the homeliest Kitchin-stuff-wench in London . I dallied with her so long , till that lust conquer'd my fancy ; attempting something , and being in a fair way to it , this Satyr-Goat-Devil , ( I can't invent a name bad enough to call him by ) presently falls down upon us ; and taking me thus unawares , lying on my belly , I was not able to help my self , that he had like to have performed his business ; and questionless had effected it , but that the two Maidens standing by ( no ways ashamed at this most shameful sight ) assisted me , pulling him off . I presently started up , and seized him ; and tripping up his heels , I laid him on his back : having so done , I bound him ; then taking out my knife , I could not find in my heart to spare him one inch ; and that he might not have any witnesses left of what was done , I took away his testicles too . The three young Girles fled , fearing my rage and revenge might have extended to them : And fearing my self , that they would give information of what I had done , I fled too to my Ships-Comerades ; and giving them account of what had happened , we all judg'd it the safest way to go aboard ; and so we did , with all expedition possible . CHAP. LXXII . From hence he sails to Do-Cerne , so called by the Portugals ; who Adam - like , give ( or , as I may say , take too much liberty ) in imposing names on all new places , and things . By the Hollanders , it is called Mauritius . It s general Description . DO-Cerne or Mauritius , is an Isle situate within the torrid Zone , close by the Tropick of Capricorn ; but it is very uncertain unto what part of the world it belongs , participating both of America , and bending towards the Asiatick Seas , from India to Java . This Isle aboundeth with what the use of man shall require . The landing looking out at Sea , is Mountainous : the circuit of this Island is about an hundred miles ; it procreates an healthy and nourishing air ; the great quantity of ever-flourishing & fragrant trees , doth no less lenisie the burning heat , when the Sun enters into Capricorn , as helped by the sweet mollifying breath of the North-west winde , when Sol again adheres to Cancer . Now as the temperature of that body is best composed , that participates indifferently of all the Elements , which either super-abounding or wanting , begets defect ; What then is the temperature of this place , which is blest with , & abounds in all , & aborrive in none ? Water is here very plentiful , drilling it self from the high rocks & trickling down into the valleys , spreads it self into various Meanders , till those sweet and pleasant waters disembogue themselves into the lap of the salt Ocean . There is so great a quantity of wood , that we could hardly procure passage . But of those many various Trees , we found none so beneficial to us , as the Palmeto : this Tree is long , streight , and very soft , having neither leaves , boughs , nor branches , save at the top , whereon there is a soft pith , wherein consists the sole vegetative of that Tree ; which cut out , the Palmeto in a very short time expires . It s taste is much like a kernel of an Hazel-nut ; boiled , it is like Cabbage . But the chiefest commodity that this Tree produceth , is the wine which issueth from it , pleasant , and as nourishing as Muskadine or Alligant . Thus we procured some thereof ; coming where two or three grew together , with an augure we bored some small holes in eoch , which immediately the liquor filled ; then with a small cane or quill we suckt the wine out of one Tree ; then we went to another , and from that to the third : by that time we had drained the last , the holes in the two former were full again . This course we followed so smartly , that in less than an hour , three of us were so drunk ( whereof I was none of the soberest ) that had not these Trees been near the shore , for ought I know , by the morning we might have feasted the wilde beasts . Divers other Trees there be , strong both in shape and nature ; one whereof ( meerly out of curiosity ) I must needs taste , which for half an hour so bit or stung my tongue , as if I had had my mouth full of Vitriol , or spirit of Salt. It is a comely tree to look on , but brings forth not any thing that is good : this Tree is in a manner naked too , and the body thereof as soft and penetrable , as new Cheese : the form of the Tree , its uselesness , with that hidden sting it carries in it , together with its softness ; the lust of which , invites me to cut these lines therein ; which my knife as easily performed , as to write a mans name with a stick on the sand . The lines were these : Th' art like a Woman , but thou want'st her breath ; Who 's fair , but fruitless , and will sting to death If tasted : would I could blast thee with my curse , Since woman thou art like , for nothing's worse . There is another Tree , which beareth a cod full of sharp prickles , wherein lies hid a round fruit , in form of a Doves-egg ; crack it , and therein contain'd you shall finde a kernel , pleasant in taste , but poysonous in its operation . My sweet tooth lon'gd for a taste , and being very toothsome I did eat several ; but it was not long ere my guts were all in an uproar , and were resolved in this mutiny , could they have found way , to charge my mouth with high treason , against the rest of my Members ; but they were at last content only to discharge their fury through the Postern of their Microcosm ; which they did so furiously , that I was much afraid , my guts having spent all their shot , they would have marcht out after . I had ( in plain English ) in less than six hours sixty stools , besides purging upwards ; and had not we had a very skilful Dr. Chryrurgeon of our Ship , I had unavoidably perisht . Nature in this Island shew'd her prodigality of water and wood , corresponding also in every thing else a fruitful Mother labours to be excellent in . Here she seems to boast , not only in the variety of feather'd creatures , but in the rareness of that variety , which should I run over but briefly , the subject is so large , that by some I cannot but be thought too tedious . However , I shall lightly touch thereon . Here , and here only is generated the Dodo ; for rareness of shape contending with the Arabian Phoenix ; her body is round and very fat , the least whereof , commonly weighs above twenty pound : They please the sight more than the appetite , for their flesh is of no nourishment , and very offensive to the stomach . By her visage ( darting forth melancholy ) she seems to be sensible of that injury Nature hath done her , in framing so great a body , and yet useless , but to please the eye ; committing its guidance to complemental wings ( for so I 'm forc'd to call them ) since they are so small and impotent , that they only serve to prove her an off-spring of the winged Tribe . Here are Bats also , as large as Gashawks . There is likewise great plenty of Fish : among the rest of most especial note , is the Cow-fish ; the head thereof not unlike an Elephants , her eyes are small , her body at full growth about three yards long , and one broad , her fins exceeding little , her flesh ( being an amphibious creature , living as well at Land , sometimes , as in the Sea ) doth taste much like Veal . Some say that this Fish doth affect , and takes much delight in the sight of a mans visage . About this Island are flying fish , Dolphins , and Sharks . One of our men imprudently swimming one day , the weather being very hot , in our sight a Shark came and bit off his leg , and part of his thigh , and he thereupon sunk ; we made out to save him , but before we came , he was drowned . Here are Tortoises so great , that they will creep with two mens burdens on their backs ; but their pace is so slow , that they would make but ill Porters , going not above ten yards in two hours , when they make their greatest speed . The birds here are so unaccustomed to frights , that I have shot five or six times amongst a flock , letting the dead still lie , and not one of the surviving did so much as offer to flie . The Goats here have more of the Politician in them ; for they seldom seed or rest themselves , but they set out their sentinels . CHAP. LXXIII . Hence he sailed for Bantham ; by the way he recounts the danger he had like to have sustained , by ascending a burning Mountain . WEighing Anchor , we steer'd our course for Bantam ; but being much straitned by the way , for want of fresh water , we were compell'd to make up to the first Land we descry'd . Though the darkness of the night blinded our eyes from such discoveries , yet flames of fire not far distant from us , gave us perfect intelligence that land was not far off . That night we cast Anchor , fearing we might run foul of some Rock or shelf : In the morning we saw a large track of Land before us , not knowing what place it should be . Our Captain commanded the Long-boat to be man'd out , to procure water , if any good were there : amongst the rest , I went for one ; for I was very greedy to observe novelties . Coming on shore , and seeing this Hill now and than belch out flames , by my perswasions I made my fellows forget for a time their duty or errand they came about , to make some inquisition into this miracle of Nature . Whereupon we all resolved unanimously to ascend the Hill , and with much difficulty we came so nigh the top , that we heard a most hideous noise proceeding from the Concave thereof : so terrible it was , that we now began to condemn our rash attempt , and stood at a convenient distance , judging it the only medium of our safety . Whilst we were thus in a delirium , not knowing what was the best to be done ; the Mountain was instantly possest with an Ague-fit , & afterwards vomiting up smoak & stones into the Air ( which afterwards fell down in a shower upon our heads ) we thought we could not escape without a miracle : and whilst we were all striving which way , with greatest expedition , we might eschew the danger , there rose in the midst of us such an heap of earth , ashes , and fire , with such kinde of combustible matter , as that we all seem'd as so many moveable burning Beacons , & without any thoughts of helping each other , every one endeavoured to secure himself . And although I was the last in the company , yet in this expedition it was much available to me ; for my companions making more haste than good speed , tumbling down the Hill before me , fell several of them together ; which blocks lying in my way , obstructed my passage , & so sav'd the breaking of my neck , which otherwise would have been inevitable . In this prodigious conflict , most of us lost the hair of our heads , nor without receiving several batteries upon the Out-works of our bodies . At first sight we were much afraid ; but the consequence made it appear , we were not more afraid than hurt . We made a shift to crawl down the rest of the way ; and having fixt our unadvised feet on the bottom of the Mountain , we resolv'd we would never again pay so dearly for our curiosity , but sorthwith went in search of some Spring , that might serve as well to quench our cloaths , as our thirst . What we sought for we quickly found ; and so filling our empty Cask , we made what haste we could aboard . The Captain and the rest stood amaz'd to see us look so ghastly , and were very impatient to know what was the matter with us ; we told them succinctly what had happened , and what great dangers we underwent : instead of pitying us , they only laught at us for being such adventurous fools . Having thus furnished our selves with what we wanted , we set fail again for Bantum ; where we safely arriv'd in a short time . CHAP. LXXIV . Going ashore to Bantam , and observing the Merchants what they did , taking up Goods upon credit ( as it is usual in those parts ) till the ship is ready to set sail , he by a stratagem turns Merchant too , and cheats a Bannyan , or China - Merchant . AS soon as we came into the Harbour before Bantam , we presently man'd out our Long-boat and went ashore , to acquaint the President what we were , and by what authority we came thither to Traffick , being impowered by the East-India-Company . We were received with much demonstrations of joy , and nobly feasted for three dayes together . Here note , that the house wherein the President dwelleth , is the receptacle for the whole Factory , each man according to his quality having a dwelling within this house suitable to his dignity ; the Factors all in general taking their daily repast with the President . In a weeks time I learned by observation the custom of the Country , and manner or way of Trading , our Merchant taking up Goods daily , and sending them aboard without giving present satisfaction ; it being sufficient that he belonged to such a Ship , and therefore must pay before he go , otherwise the King will arrest the Ship , compelling him to make restitution or payment . One time I met with a Bannyan , whom I observ'd to have a box full of precious stones : I could not sleep for thinking how I should make my self a Partner with him . At last I hammer'd out this invention : I cloath'd my self in Indian-silk , according to the custom of the Country ; and having so done , I discoloured my face , & clapt a black patch upon one of my eyes . In this equipage I addrest my self to this Bannyan , who presently laid open his treasure to my view . I was not long in chusing what I esteem'd as most valuable ; and demanding of him the price , we agreed he should have either so many pieces of English gold within two dayes , or else take his choice of what commodities I had aboard . We made a shift to understand each others broken expressions ; and he without the least suspicion of my treachery , delivered his stones into my hands . Taking off my disguise , I went instantly aboard , and hid what I had cheated the Bannyan of ( as I might easily do for the smallness of its bulk ) in the Hold of our Ship , resolving not to go ashore yet a while . The day of payment being come , and the Bannyan no where finding me on Land , came aboard of our Ship , where by sign he made known to our Captain his errand ; that a Merchant belonging to his Ship had bought commodities of him , & promised to pay him on that day . Our Captain reply'd , that he verily believed he was mistaken ( as knowing what commodities the Merchants belonging properly to the Ship had bought ) and therefore told him he must make inquiry elsewhere for satisfaction . The Bannyan still persisted , alleadging he was not mistaken , and that he was confident if he might have a ●…ight of all the men , he could out of them select the concern'd person . So warv I was of being discovered , that I acquainted not one soul with my project : for had I committed this secret to any , ( though ever so dear a friend ) it had been mine no longer ; neither could I have promised to my self safety . Hereupon the Captin ordered us to be all call'd alost : which was spedlly performed . He went all round the company , viewing every man particularly , and very heedfully . At last he came to me , and there made a stand , ( which had like to have made my heart start out of my breast : ) he lookt upon me on this side , and on the other side ; and to say truly , on every side : and having thorowly eyed me , he ran to our Captain , saying , That should be the man ( pointing to me ) but that he is a white man , and hath two sees ( id est ) two eyes . Whereupon I was strictly examined : but for all this sifting , I would not let drop any thing of a confession , that should convict me of guilt ; but with lifting up hands and eyes to Heaven , I utterly denyed that ere I saw this man , or ever had any dealing with him . I had now forgot what promises and vows I made to Heaven , ( when in Newgate , and sentenced to be hang'd at Tyburn ) what a serious , pious , and honest life I would lead , if I escaped that eminent danger the concerns of this life and that to come were then in . Herein I see the old Proverb verified : Quo semel est imbuta recens servabit odoren . Testu diu , &c. — That Cask will favour of that liquor still , With which at first the Cask a man did fill . Or according to that thred bare expression so commonly used : Naturam expellas fura , licet usque recurret . Though man should stop his nature from its course , It will o'reflow again with greater force . In short , the Bannyan , since he could not say positively I was the man , was dismist , not without a solemn vow he would be revenged of us all in general ; and I clear'd of the Indictment . CHAP. LXXV . The next going ashore of the Sea-men , this Bannyan ( for the injury was done him ) caused a Running a Muck , that is , he instigated a great many people to kill all they met of that ship . The loss of several men thereupon : but he is out of danger , having cunningly kept himself aboard that time . He afterwards had like to have been killed by a Crease the Bannyan had hired for that purpose . His enemies being destroyed , be marrieth an Indian Punce-woman . THe next day , a great many of our men went ashore ; and going into China-row , ( a street so called in Bantam ) to drink Punce and Tea , a great crew of Indians and Chineses ( headed by this Bannyam ) fell upon them , killing whom they could , not directing their revenge upon any particular person , which they call a Muck : ) so hot and sharp was this Conflict , that many were killed on both sides , but more wounded . This accident alarm'd the whole town , but most especially the English there resident : but at last , with much ado , this grand uproar was calmed . It was my good fortune , that I was not then among them , otherwise I might have been made 〈◊〉 sacrifice among the rest of my fellows . But I was fore-warn'd , having been pre-inform'd that such broyls are usual upon such occasions ; wherefore I kept my self out of harms way for that time . But not long after , thinking their malice was blown over , I went ashore ; and walking with others of our Boars-crew in the same 〈◊〉 , ( where most of our men were us'd to resort , because of the liquor that was there to be had , and a Whore to boot ) a fellow came to me , with this Bannyan I cheated , and both of them with Greases , ( a kind of Dagger of about a foot and half long ) would have stab'd me , had not my friends prevented them , by striking up their heels , and afterwards with their own Creases stab'd them to the heart . After this , we could walk very quietly without any disturbance , going any where without any danger . Being very hot there , our usual pastime was to go up a little small River ( joyning to the Town ) four or five miles to wash our selves : the trees so covered it over like an Arbor , that the beams of the Sun could not penetrate it ; by which means it was fine and cool , which very much refresht our parched bodies . I never came ashore , but I drank very immoderately of Punce , Rack , Tea , &c. which was brought up in great China-Jug holding at least two Quarts : with every such Jug there was brought in a Dish of Sweetmeats , not of one sort , but variety , and excellent good ; for which we paid a shilling English : and if you call'd for another Jug , you paid no more , 〈◊〉 a Dish usher'd it in . One house especially I much frequented , for the Indian womans sake that kept it : for though she was black , or rather tawny , yet she was well-featur'd and well-form'd , having long black hair ( when she unty'd the tresses ) hanging down to her legs . She from the first shewed me as much kindness as could be expected from that lump of Bar barism and I could discerne her inclinations , ( in the same manner as a man may from beasts , when they are prone to Generation ) but yet it went against my stomack to yield to her motions . However , she continued her love to me , not letting me pay for any thing I call'd for : and when there was no necessity of being aboard , she would in a maner make me lie in her house , ( which , as their houses commonly are , had but one story : ) the beds they use are a kinde of Quilr , hard ; for were they soft , the hotness of the Climate would cause them to be very destructive to mans body , even melting his very reins . Gold and Jewels she had great quantity , with an house richly furnished after the Indian fashion . For this consideration , I perswaded my self to marry her ; and with several arguments alleaged , I gained so much conquest over my self , that I could kiss her witout disgorging my self : and by accustoming my self to her company , methought I began to take some delight in it . By degrees , interest so over-power'd me , that I resolv'd to marry her . Thus many ( nay most ) for Money , stick not to give themselves to the Devil . Having one night ( lying there ) seriously considered of my resolution , and liking it indifferent well , I fell asleep ; but wonder'd when I awaked , to see a thing lie by me all black , as if she had had a Mourning-smock on . It seems she could hold out no longer : I pretended to flee from her ; but she held me fast in her arms , using what rhetorick she could to perswade me to the contrary . I ask'd her what she meant ? She told me in a little broken English she had got , that she would Money me ; marry me , she meant : I , Money me , said I , that I like well ; but without it , let the Devil have married her for me . I ask'd her several questions , to which she gave me satisfaction ; and enjoyn'd her several things , which she greedily condescended to : whereupon I gave her the first-fruits of her desires . But ere I go farther , take something of my Ryming fancie with you . CHAP. LXXVI . He descants on his Marrying , and lying with an Indian-Black : Gives 〈◊〉 Advice to others ; and concludes for this time . AT the first light , her head s●…em'd in a Case , Or that a Vi●…rd-mask had hid her face , Or that she was some Fiend from hell had stole , Having for Lust been burnt there is a role . I could not tell what this foul thing should be : A Succubus it did appear to me ; A d●…mn'd black soul , that was by beaven sent , To make 〈◊〉 of my blacker crimes repent . I started from her , being much ama●…'d : The more I was afraid , the more 〈◊〉 . Then she arose , and caught me in her arm ; Such soft flesh sure intended me no harm . ' 〈◊〉 time to roar , since that I could not tell , But that I was encircled ( now ) by Hell. 〈◊〉 , stay , ( said she ) I am no 〈◊〉 ●…end , 〈◊〉 flesh and blood , and am ●…hy loving friend : 〈◊〉 my 〈◊〉 do not pleas●… thy 〈◊〉 , Then close shine eyes , 〈◊〉 love : This love is blinde . I understood her 〈◊〉 , and 〈◊〉 did swear That I would 〈◊〉 this my 〈◊〉 fear ; And so 〈◊〉 my self ●…nto the Rug On which we lay , and after many a Tug , I●…lighted faith with this kinde Infidel . 〈◊〉 what we did , my modest tongue ●…on't tell . I would at any time ( might I but ch●…se ) The fairest White for thi●… same Bl●…ck refuse . But mischief on 't , let me shoot e're so right , It can't be said that I did hit the White . Interest so blinded my reason , that I went instantly to my Captain , & gave him information of my proceedings , desiring his consent in the marrying this Indian , alleadging how advantagious it would be to me . He granted my request , upon my earnest importunity ; land being dismist from his service , we were married according to the Ceremonies of the Church by an English Priest , she rencuncing her Paganism . What money was got by my wifes Trade , I laid out in such Commodities the Country afforded , as Callico's , Pepper , Indico , Green-Ginger , &c. and sold them immediately to the Ships lying in the Harbour , doubling what I laid out : so that in short time I found my stock to increase beyond expectation : such satisfaction my Black received from me , that she thought she could not do enough to please me . I was an absolute Monarch in my family ; she and her servants willingly condescended to be my vassals : yet though I thus enjoy'd the prerogative of an husband , yet I did not Lord it too much ; which won so much upon my wifes affection , and those that were concern'd with her , that assoon as I desired any thing it was immediately performed , with much alacrity and expedition . I fancy'd my life to be now as happy as the world could make it , having plenty of every thing , and not control'd by the foolish self-will of an obstinate woman . I confess it was at first a great regret to my spirit , to lie by a woman so contrary to my own complexion : but Custom made her become in process of time as lovely in my eye , as if she had been the compleatest European beauty . I now again considered how he must live , that intends to live well ; and upon that consideration , concluded upon this resolution , Not to neglect my duty to Heaven , my Self , or Neighbors : for he that fails in any of these , falls short in making his life commendable . For our Selves , we need Order ; for our Neighbor , Charity ; and for the Deity , Reverence and Humility . These three duties are so concatenated , that he which liveth orderly , cannot but be acceptable to his Maker and the World. Nothing jars the Worlds harmony more , than men that break their ranks ; and nothing renders Man more contemned and hated , than he whose actions onely tend to irregularity . One turbulent spirit will even dissentiate the calmest Kingdom : so did my past unruly and disorderly life ruine my self , as well as many families . I have seen an Orthodox Minister in his Pulpit with his congregation about him ; and since revolving in my minde the comliness of that well-ordered sight , I have thought within my self how mad he would appear , that should wildly dance out of his room . Such is man when he spurns at the Law he liveth under ; and such was I , that could not be contain'd within due limits , living like the Drone on others labors : taking no pains , but onely making a humming noise in the world , till Justice seiz'd me for a wandring , idle , and hurtful vagabond , ( an ignavum pecus ) and so had like to thrust me out of the world , the Hive of industrious Bees . Ill company at first misled me , and it is to be feared by my example others have been misled . For he that giveth himself leave to transgress , he must needs put others out of the way . Experience giveth us to understand , that he which first disorders himself , troubles all the company . Would every man keep his own life , what a concord in Musick would every family be ! It shall be my own endeavor to do this , and my cordial advice to others to do the like . Doubtless he that performeth his duty to Heaven , shall finde such a peace within , that shall fit him for whatsoever falls . He shall not fear himself , because he knoweth his course is order : he shall not fear the World , because he knoweth he hath done nothing that hath anger'd it : he shall not be afraid of Heaven ; for he knoweth he shall there finde the favour of a servant , nay more , a Son , and be protected against the malice of Hell. I know I shall be lookt on no otherwise than an Hypocrite ; neither will the world believe my reformation real , since I have lived so notoriously and loosly . Let a man do well an hundred times , it may be he shall for a short time be remembred and applauded ; whereas if he doth evilly but once , he shall be ever condemned , and never forgot . However , let me live well , and I care not though the world should flout my innocence , and call me dissembler : it is no matter if I suffer the worst of censorious reproaches , so that I get to Heaven at last : to the attaining of which , the best counsel I can give my self and others is , Bene vive , ordinabiliter tibi , sociahiliter Proximo , & humiliter Deo : Live well , orderly to thy self , sociably to thy Neighbour , and humbly to thy Maker . Take this as wholesome advice , though from an ill liver , which hath been in part discovered in the foregoing Discourse ; wherein I have endeavoured , by drawing up a List of my own evil actions , to frighten others from the commission of the like . For as there is no company so savagely bad , but a wise man may from it learn something to make himself better : so there is no Book so poorly furnished , out of which a man may not gather something for his benefit . Herein I have not minded so much words , as the matter ; aiming at nothing more than how Imight compleatly limn Vice in her proper ugly shape : having done that , I have done what I intended , The reformation of others by my wicked example . For Vice is of such a Toady complexion , so ill shap'd & deform'd , that she cannot chuse but teach the soul to hate ; so loathsome when she is seen in her own nasty dress , that we cannot look upon her but with detestation and horrour . Vice was cunning and curiously painted when I fell into her scabbed embraces ; neither could I have ever known her soulnes , and rottenness , had I not tried whether her ( seeming ) fairness and soundness were real . Believe me , she is no ways that she appears to be ; therefore be not deluded by her : but let my Life be to the Reader , as a friend fal'n into a pit , that gives warning to another to avoid the danger . So admirable hath Providence disposed of the wayes of man , that even the sight of Vice in others , is like a Warning-arrow shot for us to take heed . Vice usually in her greatest bravery , publisheth her self foolishly , thinking thereby to procure a Train ; and then it is , that the secret working of Conscience makes her turn her weapons against her self , and strongly plead for her implacable adversary Vertue . We are frequently wrought to good by contraries ; and soul acts keep Vertue from the charms of Vice. An ancient Poet writ well to this purpose , thus : 〈◊〉 Insuiv●…t Pater optimus hoc me , ●…r fugerem exemplis vitiorum quae●… not ando . 〈◊〉 me horta●… etur parce , frugalitur , at●… ●…verem uti contentus e●… , quod mi ipse paraesset : 〈◊〉 vides Albi 〈◊〉 male vivat fillus ? ut●… Bartus inops ? Magnum documentum ne patriam 〈◊〉 Per●…ere 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . A turpi 〈◊〉 amore Quum deterreret , Sectani dissimilis sis . — Sic me Formabat puerum dictis . — — Thus my best father taught Me to flee Vice , by nothing those were naught . When he would charge me , Thrive , and sparing be , Content with what he had prepar'd for me ; Seest not how ill young Albus lives ? how low Poor Barrus ? Sure , a weighty Item how One spent his means . And when he meant to strike A hate to Whores , To Sectan be not like . — Thus me a childe He with his precepts fashion'd . — There is no better way to correct faults in our selves , than by observing how uncomely they appear in others . After a ●…it of drunkenness , my conscience would usually accuse me , and many times , after convictment , would pass so severe a sentence of condemnation on me , that my own hands have oftentimes been like to prove my Executioners . Considering within my self what should be the cause of this trouble and self loathing , I found it proceded from ●…ther reason than the observation of others in the like beastly condition , and how noisom it hath rendred them to all . The first thing that made me abhor a Cholerick passion , and a sawcy pride in my self , ( of which I was too guilty ) was the seeing how ridiculous and contemptible they rendred those that are infested with them . Besides , those that are thorowly experienc'd in navigation , do as wel know the coasts as the Ocean ; as well the sands , the shallows , and the rocks , as the secured depths in the most dangerless channel : so I think those that would arrive to as much perfection as they are capable of enjoying here , must as well know bad , that they may abtrude or shun it ; as the good , that they may embrace it . And this knowledge we can neither have so cheap , nor so certain , as by seeing it in others : for under a Crown you may buy the whole experience of a mans Life , ( as of mine ) which cost some thousands ; though me no more hundreds than what I borrowed of the world , having of mine own nothing originally . If we could pass the world without meeting Vice , then the knowledge of Vertue onely were sufficient : but it is impossible to live , and not encounter her . Vice is as a god in this world : for as she ruleth almost incontrollably , so she assumes to her self ubiquity , we cannot go any where , but that shepresents her self to the eye , &c. If any be unwittingly cast thereon , let him observe for his own more safe direction . He is happy , that makes another mans vices steps for him to climb to his eternal rest by . The wise Physitians make poyson medicinable ; and even the Mud of the world , by the industrious ( yet ingrateful ) Hollander , is turned to an useful fuel . If ( Reader ) 〈◊〉 ●…hou lightst here on any thing 〈◊〉 is bad , by considering the forded stains , either 〈◊〉 those faults thou hast●… or s●…un those thou might●…st have . That Mariner which hath Sea-room , ●…an 〈◊〉 ●…ny wind almost serve to s●…t him forwards in his wished 〈◊〉 : so may a wise 〈◊〉 any ad●… to set 〈◊〉 forward to the haven of Vertue . Man , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…eated , h●…d , two great sui●…ens 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…ife and 〈◊〉 ; the one Ver●… , and the other Vice●… 〈◊〉 cam●… in this manner and thus attended , Tru●… 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…ked , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ; after h●… followed Labour , Cold , Hung●… ) , Thirst , Care and Vigilance ; these poorly arayed , 〈◊〉 looking upon it unseemly to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 than their Mist●…iss , who as plainly and meanly clad , yet cleanly : yet her countenance shew'd such a self-perfection , that she might very well emblem whatsoever Omnipotency could make most rare . Modest she was , and so lovely , that whatsoever lookt on her face stedfastly , could not but insoul himself in her . After her followed Content , enricht with Jewels , and overspread with Perfumes , carrying with her all the treasure and massie riches of the world . Then came Joy , withall essential pleasures : next , Honour , with all the ancient Orders of Nobility , Scepters , Thrones , and Crowns Imperial-Lastly , Glory , whose brightness was such , ( which she shook from her Sunny tresses ) that it dazled the eyes of her beholders , so that they could never truly describe her . In the rear came Eternity casting a ring about them , which like a strong Inchantment made them ever the same . Vice strove not to be behind-hand with Vertue ; wherefore she sets out too , and in this form : Herpre-cursor or fore-runner was Lying , a painted houswife , of a smooth , insinuating , and deluding tongue , gaudily clad all in changeable ; but under her vestments she was full of scabs and loathsome ulcers . Her words seem'd exceeding pleasant , promising to all she met whatsoever could be wisht for , in the behalf of her Mistress Vice. On this hypocritical Quean Wit waited : next him , a Conceited fellow , and one that over-swayed the Fancie of man with his pretty tricks and gambals . Sloth and Luxury followed these , so full , that they were then ready to be choaked with their own fat . After these , followed some Impostors , to personate Content , Joy and Honour , in all their wealth and Royal dignities . Close after these , Vice came her self , sumtuously apparel'd , but yet a nasty surfeited slut ; her breath being so infectious that he which kiss'd her was sure to perish . After her followed suddenly Guilt , Horror , Shame , Loss , Wanr , Sorrow , Torment ; and these were charmed with Eternity's Ring , as the former . And thus they wooed fond Man , who taken with the subtile cozenages of Vice , yielded to lie with her ; whereby he had his Nature so empoysoned , that his seed was all viciated and contaminated ; and his corruption even to this day is still convey'd to his undone posterity . It is mans folly , onely to look on the fore-runners of Vertue , which are very poor , as Cold , Hunger , Thirst , &c. but not to consider her glorious attendants that follow after , as Content , Joy , Honor , and Glory . We fancy Vice for her outside , not imagining what she is when stript of all her Gauderies . If you then intend to enjoy for your portion a Kingdom hereafter , adhere not to the allurements of Vice ; for she will soon perswade you to be an unthrift , to sell your Inheritance whilest it is but in Reversion . But hearken to Vertue 's counsel ; she will teach you how to husband all things well , so as to become a purchaser of no less than Joys eternal . Fortunes favors oft do fade , To those that in her arms do sleep : Sbelter your selves in Vertue 's shade ; She crowneth those that do her reap . For though darkned , you may say , When Friends fail , and Fortune frown , Though Vertue is the roughest way , Yet proves at night a bed of Doun . THus have I given you a Summary Accompt of the Life of our Witty Extravagant , from his Non-age to the Meridian of his days . I left him in the East-Indies , and shall e're long discover what further progress he made there in his Cheats , not omitting the description of those places , wherein he perpetrated his Rogueries . In his return to his own Countrey , by foulness of weather , he landed in S pain : and finding the first place suitable to his designs , he over-ran that Countrey . From thence into Italy , acquainting himself with the most eminent Cities thereof ; then into France , in which no place of note was unknown to him . Of all which places , we shall endeavor to give you an exact Chrorography . We shall likewise inform you what company he kept ; Rogues of all sorts and sizes , of divers Countreys , and how far he out-did them all . Lastly , his arrival at Graves-end , from whence he came to London in the rise of the late dismal ( and never to be forgotten ) Contagion ; acting in that time of horrid Mortality , what will scarcely be comprehended within future belief , or expressible by Pen. I shall also trace him to that great and dismal Conflagration , the burning of the City of London , in which by just Vengeance he lost what he had unlawfully gotten , with his most nefarious and wicked life . FINIS .