Training in chastity Training In Chastity by Tha Rev. Felix M. Kirsch, O.F.M. Cop. Eighteenth Edition, 89,000 No. 55 Printed in U. S. A. July 4, 1953 By OUR SUNDAY VISITOR PRESS Huntington, Indiana Nihil Obstaf: VERY REV. MSGR. T. E. DILLON Censor Librorum Imprimi Potest: SIGMUND CRATZ, O.F.M. Cap. Provincial Imprimatur: >£ JOHN F. NOLL, D.D., Bishop of Fort Wayne An address delivered at the Cleveland con- vention of the Catholic Conference on Family Life and reprinted from The Family Digest. Training In Chastity “TRAINING in chastity has never been an easy job. The Sixth Commandment has always been the Difficult Commandment. It is doubly difficult in our day when it has struck “sex o’clock” in America. The litera- ture of the day, the popular magazine, the scandal sheet, the movies, the fashions, sports, dances, night clubs, road houses, and bathing beaches have conspired to flaunt sex publicity. It is made almost im- possible for people to keep the mind off the subject. Catholics must regard this situation as a challenge. It represents an opportunity for us to prove anew the undiminished power of God’s grace. We must follow the ex- ample of the Fathers of the Early Church who in the face of a decadent civilization pleaded for the miracles of Christian chas- tity and virginity. And while pagan Rome was reveling in debauchery, Christian Rome gave us the Agneses and the Cecilias and the Sebastians. The present crisis in mor- ality calls for the same action on our part. The need of the hour is the will of God. The arm of God is not shortened. Our Holy Father in Rome has issued the call to direct TRAINING IN CHASTITY action. Our opportunities for action were never greater than they are at the present moment. As Archbishop Beekman of Du- buque reminded his people recently, the Church is the only institution which has survived the general collapse of the past few years and it is the only institution which has the key to recovery. Men admit freely that recovery in the moral order must precede every other kind of recovery, but they do not always see that the Church offers the only means to that moral recov- ery. Hence, you, the members of the Catholic Conference on Family Life, are wise in meeting here today to produce the evidence that the Church has within her the power to save America from moral ruin. You are wise in attacking the weakest link of the chain. No chain is stronger than its weak- est link and, measured by this standard, our modem age is weak indeed, since the home, that essential unit of social life, has almost disappeared. There is more truth than humor in describing the American home as a garage with a bedroom attached, or in comparing it with the lunch counter on a railway trip, where we dash in for a hurried bite of food and dash out again and away. Whatever the Catholic Family Confer- ence will be able to do to restore our Cath- olic home, will be promoting very directly the preservation of chastity. Adequate train- TRAINING IN CHASTITY 5 ing in chastity can be accomplished only in union with complete Christian education. Training in chastity, though it is an im- portant part of education, is nevertheless but one part and perhaps not even the most important part. Training in chastity must form an integral part of moral education from the earliest years and cannot be post- poned until sex reveals itself plainly to the growing child. Here is the sum and sub- stance of Catholic training in chastity: Give a solid religious training in general, espec- ially in the use of the Sacraments; begin early to instruct the mind as to self-control in general, with simple applications to the sex instinct, while replying frankly to sin- cere questions in private; and try fully to instruct the child whenever the occasion requires. This theory may be illustrated by quot- ing the testimony of a Catholic physician: I know an excellent young man who after he had much trouble with sex matters, later pulled away brave- ly from all such weaknesses, and even took a temporary vow of chastity. I asked him as to what he felt had helped him most in his battle. He an- swered. “Laying the natural foun- dation first, getting matters clearly ex- plained and 'lined up/ then building upon that with the supernatural mo- tives/' I might add that this young 6 TRAINING IN CHASTITY man felt free to go to the priest and ask about anything he did not under- stand and was curious about. General character training is the essen- tial phase of training in chastity. I shall here discuss briefly another phase of train- ing in chastity, namely, the giving of nec- essary information. Who Should Instruct the Young? Our first question: Who has the pri- mary duty of giving the necessary instruc- tion to the young? All writers on the sub- ject, beginning with the Pope in his Encyc- lical on the Christian Education of Youth , are agreed that the first duty belongs to the parents. But the second question is: Do our Catholic parents perform that duty? Four years ago I asked the following ques- tion of 500 pastors: Is it your impression that Catholic parents give the necessary sex instruction early enough to their children? If not, why not? Replies were received from 365 pastors; of these 320 replied, “No,” implying that it was their belief that Catholic parents did not fulfill that duty by their children. One pastor of a large parish in the East sent along this note: You will render a much needed ser- vice if you will do something that will make our Catholic parents bestir them- selves. Not all parents seem to realize TRAINING IN CHASTITY 7 to what frightful dangers their chil- dren are exposed at the present time. Children are seduced at so early an age, while they cpuld be saved if they were instructed betimes at home. They contact habits of impurity be- fore they are aware of what is happen- ing to them. The confessor cannot do everything. Who Does Instruct Our Catholic Youth? While Catholic parents are shirking their duty, the agents of the Devil are up and doing. From whom does the average Catholic boy receive his sexual informa- tion? A priest with a long experience of teaching in Catholic high schools reports that on an average more than ninety per cent of our Catholic boys receive their in- formation on sex from indecent and foul sources. In any group of 100 boys inves tigated by their priest, never more than jtx or seven stated that their first instruction in this vital matter came from their par- ents, teachers, or confessors. Should we then be surprised if the subject of sex is so rarely seen in its proper light by our Catholic people? First impressions are generally the most lasting, and if the first impressions are foul the mind may never come to know sex as an instinct given us by God on trust and for a noble purpose. How much would be gained for the cause of God if we could get the masses of our 8 TRAINING IN CHASTITY Catholic people to learn the sublime as- pect of sex as treated, for instance, by Pro- fessor Hildebrand in his book, Defense of Purity! Why Parents Neglect Their Duty The reasons generally given for the par- ents’ failure to give the necessary sex in- struction can be grouped under six heads: 1) Parents do not know how to instruct their children; 2) they do not realize the need pf the instruction; 3) they are too timid about discussing the subject with their children; 4) they think that the priest should take care of the matter in the con- fessional; 5) some parents believe that teachers might give sufficient information in a general way . in school; 6) too many parents believe that children may be left to themselves in the matter, that somehow or other they will find a way out of the difficulty themselves. Practically all parents will agree theoret- ically that it is their duty to instruct their children betimes, but will shirk the per- formance of the embarrassing task. A flag- rant illustration is that of a Catholic juvenile Court Judge who went up and down the country urging the duty of sex instruction upon Catholic parents, but who could not get himself to instruct his own children. In this matter most parents belong to tbe “Let me alone” club and are satisfied if TRAINING IN CHASTITY 9 they are not asked to furnish the informa- tion to their children. Many a parent feels like the mother who admitted: “I had sleepless nights full of fear and anguish and have prayed that my child would never come to me and ask me about these things.” When we come to analyze further the reasons for the parents’ inability to give the necessary instruction, we find that many lack both the accurate information and the proper vocabulary. Ninety-eight per cent of them never received the proper infor- mation themselves, and hence cannot im- part it; and, secondly, the terminology with which they are familiar is either vul- gar or obscene, and they naturally feel embarrassed about using such language in the presence of their children. In the end, they rationalize that, just as they got their information in some way or other, they see no way of preventing their children from getting it from the same uncertain source. Other parents will simply “pass the buck” by saying that the necessary instruction should be given by the priests in the con- fessional or by the Sisters in the school- room. Catholic Literature on Sex Much would be gained if we could get all our Catholic parents to read some Cath- olic literature on the subject. Let me make it plain that we now have sufficient Cath- 10 TRAINING IN CHASTITY olic literature in the field and there is no need for reading any but Catholic books on the subject. Non-Catholic literature on this delicate subject, though it be written with the best intentions, can never measure up to our ideals in chastity. This non- Catholic literature ignores the all-import- ant supernatural aids of prayer, confession, and Holy Communion and, what is worse, will at times urge what is crime in the sight of God. Hence in writing my little book, Sex Education and Training in Chas- tity, I took particular pains to list on pp. 192-194 the excellent Catholic literature we now have on the subject. We now have available a Catholic book for every kind of need in this field, and most of this literature is sold as so low a price as to be within the reach of even the slimmest purse. There is, for instance, the pamphlet, Watchful Elders, a Word to Parents and Educators About Educating Children in Purity, written by Father Kilian J. Henn- rich, O.M. Cap., and sold by the Bruce Publishing Company of Milwaukee, for 75 cents. The booklet is intended as a guide in instructing the little ones. If par- ents cannot persuade themselves to pre- sent its contents in their own way, they should be induced to read it with their children of the proper age. But if they cannot get themselves to do even so little, they may give the booklet to their children TRAINING IN CHASTITY n to be read, in the presence of father or mother, before the dawn of puberty. The titles of other books and pamphlets will be appended to this article so that the reader may select whatever he may need for his particular purpose. We urge all adult Catholics to read widely in the Catholic literature on the subject. They will obtain the information needed to correct the per- nicious errors so prevalent today. Here is an instance of what one zealous pastor accomplished. He has a parish of about 250 families with children. At the regular meetings of the Holy Name So- ciety and of the Society of Christian Moth- ers he took up the subject of safe-guarding the chastity of the young. He found that, of the 500 parents, about 200 mothers and 50 fathers took an active interest in the subject, and about 100 fathers “too busy” to attend the meetings approved heartily after hearing reports from their wives. In this way, the pastor reached the majority of the homes in his parish. At the same time the sisters in the school were instruct- ed to be on the lookout for individual pupils or groups that might need special attention, and if such were found, their parents were informed. The pastor made liberal use of the opportunity of the talks and confer- ences to make known and distribute the Catholic books on the subject of training in chastity. 12 TRAINING IN CHASTITY Other pastors have found the parent- teacher associations helpful in reaching the homes of children. Some pastors had physicians and nurses address these groups of parents and thus used them as leaders for creating general interest in giving pro- per instruction to the children at home. It might be possible for the Catholic par- ent-teacher associations of a town or even a diocese to cooperate in securing a com- petent lecturer for addressing the indi- vidual groups on the subject. Need of Individual Instruction The object of all these endeavors should be to interest each and every parent in do- ing his duty by his children. As the young man can be taught fully only in private, the parents are the natural instruc- tors. They know their children best, and will understand just how to adapt the in- struction of their individual needs. They should be made to recognize that it is easier by far to guide a good child in the ways of goodness than to bring him back once he has stepped aside from the right path. There was a time when some Catholic par- ents really thought it sinful to bring up this subject with their children, but from our inquiries we are inclined to think that such erroneous views no longer obtain, and that most of our parents are simply too timid about undertaking what will always remain an ordeal. TRAINING IN CHASTITY 13 It may be well to mention that our Cath- olic parents need not be finicky about the form of their instruction or the phrasing of what they will tell their children. Even though they should not be familiar with the choicest words, their instruction would be given the proper intention and would proceed from chaste lips, and hence would be immeasurably superior to the instruction that their children might be receiving from vile sources. The crudest teaching of Cath- olic parents is always better than silence, for silence on their part will generally com- pel their children to drink in the infection from the street. Parents may be induced to do their duty if they recall their own plight in this matter when they were chil- dren—and they may rest assured that the plight of the children at the present time with the universal corruption is undoubted- ly greater. Catholic parents in America are too hesitant about instructing their children in the matter, and we must be pre- pared to answer all kinds of objections. Are the Children Too Young? A frequent objection is that the children are still too young, and that the instruction will be given later. To convince parents that this excuse is frequently a mere defense reaction, we might ask them just when they intend to impart the instruction, and we shall discover that the parents are only 14 TRAINING IN CHASTITY shirking an unpleasant duty by procrastin- ating. We must therefore bring home to parents that procrastinating will only delay the duty, and, while increasing the danger of corruption for the children in the inter- val, will render the task all the more diffi- cult at a later time. The younger the child, the less sex-consciousness will there be on his part, and consequently the less embarrassment for both parent and child. The only safe rule that can be given as to the time for giving the instruction is to say that the instruction must be given as soon as necessary. It is better to give the instruction a year too soon than one hour too late. In our day and country the in- struction is needed much earlier than most parents imagine. Miss Tracy, a police- woman of Worcester, Mass., admits that nineteen-year-old children have told her things about sex which she did not know at forty. Still, we must not allow the re- ports of the police to determine the rules for dealing with the average child. It is important that we ascertain just when sex problems begin to appear in the child’s life. Records show that interest in sex first be- gan as early as six and as late as 18. Dr. Hirschfeld, an investigator, is authority for the statement that 22 per cent of children commit the solitary sin from the 5th to the 11th year. The interest in sex probably begins earlier in life now than formerly. TRAINING IN CHASTITY 15 A Safe Rule The only safe rule to follow is to study each child individually and to give the in- formation just as soon as the individual re- quires it. A fuller statement of this rule is to give the information, first, in accord- ance with the symptoms of curiosity; the child’s curiosity in sex matters is legitimate and he has a right to have his questions answered frankly and sincerely. Second- ly, give the information in accordance with the child’s physical development. Here watchful parents may have to anticipate questions on the part of the child. Another wise rule tells us to give all information needed so that the child will not be help- less when the changes, either physical or psychical of adolescence, come into his life, and secondly so that the information will not come first from the wrong source. The Rev. Dr. Paul H. Furfey, who has written several helpful books on educational topics, advises in his book, You and Your Children (Benziger Brothers, New York): Further instruction on these matters should be given before puberty. This commonly occurs between the ages of thirteen and sixteen—probably some- what earlier in girls than in boys. Be- fore this time the child should be in- formed about the physical side of mar- riage. This is admittedly a difficult 16 TRAINING IN CHASTITY subject to face, but it is essential that it be discussed. At the same time the child should be taught the nature and dangers of solitary sin. The girl should be told frankly about menstruation and the boy about seminal emissions. Other instructions may well be postponed un- til adolescence, at which time the growing child should be told about the nature of venereal disease, about the physical dangers involved in promiscuity, and about the social evil. All the evidence available would seem to prove that no definite rule can be laid down to cover all cases. Every single case must be treated individually. The import- ant thing is that our Catholic parents be convinced of their duty in the matter, and then we may safely commit the choice of the proper time to their judgment. Some parents have found it advisable to offer di- rect opportunities to their children for the asking of questions, for example, in connec- tion with their examination of conscience with regard to the Commandments when preparing for their first confession. Sub- sequent confessions would then provide further opportunities. In this way parents may train their children to come to them for whatever information they wish to have. What Not to Say While we must warn our Catholic people, in the spirit of the Pope’s Encyclical on the TRAINING IN CHASTITY 17 Christian Education of Youth, “not to de- scend to details, nor to refer to the various ways in which this infernal hydra destroys with its poison so large a portion of the world,” we may not grow weary of impress- ing upon fathers and mothers the fact that their children will get sex information in spite of hesitating parents, and that in get- ting the information from the wrong sourc- es they get the wrong quality in the wrong quantity, with the result that their attitude is altogether wrong, and they may suffer shock and moral injury which years or even a lifetime may not be able to efface. Even savages have realized the need of instructing the young in the intimate mat- ters of personal life. Indian squaws in Bri- ish Columbia have continued up to the present time their ancient custom of calling the Indian maiden aside to a solitary wig- wam at the time of the first symptom of puberty in order to give her some kind of instruction in “sex hygiene.” Is there less need in a Christian family for timely in- struction? 18 TRAINING IN CHASTITY CATHOLIC LITERATURE ON THE SEX PROBLEM The best way to drive out darkness is to open wide the doors and windows to let in God’s sunlight. Similarly, to correct the pernicious doctrines that are being shouted from the housetops, we must make known God’s views on this important subject. For- tunately we now have available a plentiful supply of Catholic literature to meet all needs. First on the list is Sex Education and Training in Chastity , by the Rev. Felix M. Xirsch, O.M. Cap., Fh.D., Litt.D., publish- ed by Benziger Brothers, $4.00. This book of 540 pages has rightly been called a Cath- olic encyclopedia on chastity. With the help of this book parents, priests, teachers, and social workers would seem to be well equip- ped to meet every need in the field. The book answers in detail all such ques- tions as to when the sex instruction must be given to the child, who must give the in- struction, what must be said, and how it must be said. Individual chapters deal with the control of bad thoughts, bad talk, the solitary sin, and the association between the sexes. Other important sections deal with the education for marriage and Catholic char- TRAINING IN CHASTITY 19 acter education. The author is at home in psychology and biology, but rightly insists that while the natural helps must be em- ployed, it is the supernatural aids of prayer, Confession and Communion that are most effective. While this book thus meets every need of the mature reader, there are other publications for particular needs. For instance, Watchful Elders , by the Rev. Kilian J. Hennrich, O.M. Cap., M.A., published by the Bruce Publishing Co., ($1.75), instructs parents how to give the necessary sex information to children. The pamphlet contains further material that may be used in early and late adolescence, and deals also with particularly difficult cases. Safeguards of Chastity, by the Rev. Ful- gence Meyer, O.F.M., published by St. Francis Book Shop (50c), offers frank yet reverent instruction on chastity for ado- lescent boys. The author suggests that fathers read and explain to their adolescent boys those portions of the book that pertain to their age and condition. Helps to Purity, by the same author, is a companion volume for adolescent girls. In the Heart of a Young Man, or Talks on Personal Purity to Boys, by the Rev. Lionel E. Pire, C.PP.S., published by F. Pustet Co., 50c, will prove useful to both parents and teachers. A teaching Brother 20 TRAINING IN CHASTITY who has used the book for several years with high school boys reports that the young people have been greatly helped by the information given by Father Pire. “Ym Keeping Company Now ” by the Rev. Fulgence Meyer, O.F.M., published by the Paulist Press, 15c, deals in a clear, helpful way with the temptations that assail young people during the period of court- ship. The author presents telling evidence to prove that God’s law still holds in our day, and shows at the same time how prayer, Confession, and Communion make possible the practice of the holy virtue even during the time of greatest danger. The Difficult Commandment , by the Rev. C. C. Martindale, S.J., published by P. J. Kenedy & Sons, 35c, deals with the subject of self-control in a way that will appeal especially to young men. The same author has edited a companion volume for young women, Into Their Company , 35c. Plain Talks On Marriage , by the Rev. Fulgence Meyer, O.F.M., published by St. Francis Book Shop, 50c, is a booklet for people who are married, or who are about to be married. The author, who had many years’ experience both in teaching theology and in preaching missions, offers practical help in the difficult problems that confront married people today. TRAINING IN CHASTITY 21 In Defense of Purity, by Dietrich von Hildebrand, published by Sheed & Ward, $2.25, should be read by all mature Cath- olics for its clear exposition of the Catholic philosophy of sex. The book will prove an inspiration to both the married and the unmarried. All of the books listed above can be ordered through the editor of The Family Digest , Huntington, Indiana. The prices quoted include postage. OUR VEST POCKET SIZE PAMPHLETS Prices subject to chonge without notice Single Copy 10cf Any 3 for 25c $5.25 per 100, ail prices are postpaid 1 So You Think You're Tough? 2 Why Not Investigate the Catholic Religion? 3 Does It Matter Much What Man Believes? 4 Is One Religion As Good As Another? 5 How To Get Married. 6 Why You Should Be A Catholic. 7 Youth and Chastity. 8 The Bible An Authority Only In Catholic Hands. 9 Catholic Answer. 10 Looking For A Happy Ending? 1 1 Don't Kid Yourself About Drink. 12 Which Is Christ's True Church? 13 Communion Prayers for Every Day. 14 The Catholic Nurse Makes The Holy Hour. 1 5 What Think You of Christ?—Study of His Divinity 1 6 Our Daily Bread. 17 Is Papal Infallibility Reasonable? 1 8 Can Our Priests Forgive Sins? 19 Does Confession Make Sinning Easy? 20 Catholic Boy Examines His Conscience. 21 Indulgences: What Are They? 22 Father Quiz Answers Lutheran Slurs. 23 Let Us Know The Pope. 24 Catholic Women In the Home. 25 The Real Presence: Fact or Fiction. 26 The Catholic Press in the World Today. 27 What It Means To Be A Catholic Mother. 28 Are You Sincere? 29 The Catholic Student Makes the Holy Hour. 30 The Holy Eucharist and Reason. 31 Can Indulgences Be Bought? 32 Religion's A B C's for the Educated. 33 Is the Church Woman's Enemy? 34 "This Is My Body." 35 The Mysteries of the Holy Rosary. 36 Catholic Action: What Is It? 37 A Living Wage Today. 38 Did They Leave or Were They Put Cut? 39 The Holy Hour (5 forms). 40 Falltnq In Love 41 You Ought to Go to Mass. 42 As the Morning Rising. 43 Prayers for the Family. 44 Until Death Do Us Part. 45 Catholic Marriage: How Achieve It? 46 Marriage Catholic or Mixed? 47 Why Attend Sunday Mass. 48 Winning Your Friend For Christ 49 Aid to Purity. 50 * he Queen of Seven Swords 51 The Way of the Cross (Msgr. Sheen) 52 The Seven Last Words. 54 The Christian Home: A Nation's Bulwark 55 Training in Chastity. 56 The United Nations 58 Too Good to Miss 59 The Framework of Catholic Belief: 60 Juvelile Delinquency. 61 What About Mercy Slaying? 62 Short Prayers for Busy People. 63 So You Think You're in Love. 64 Through Purgatory. 65 Facts vs Fiction About Spain. 66 The Truth About the Trek From Rome 67 The Church: The Interpreter of the Bible. 68 Mary. 69 The Holy Name: Why Reverence It? 70 Come Back In! 71 Living or Living. 72 Ours Is ... A Man's World. 73 Novena to St. Mary Goretti. 74 Drinking is Dangerous. 75 Catholic Teaching On Church And State. 76 The Right Answer For Organized Protesters. 77 The Sacred Heart: Why Honor It? 78 Fools For God. 79 God's Law. 80 A Grown Up Altar Boy. 8 I Explanation for a Stranger Attending Catholic Services. 82 Scriptural Guide For The Rosary 83 Story of the Bible. 85 Why Do We Pray for the Dead? 86 Learn of Me. 8/ Who Is Jesus? 88 Frederick Ozanam and Caholic Action 89 My Name Written In His Heart. 90 Truth About Persecution In Spain. 92 Catholic Liturgy and Catholic Life. 95 Would You Like to Say Mass, Too? 96 God and Our Government. 97 Now, Hear Our Side! 99 The Converted Jew _ 100 Converts: How to Win Them. 101 The Catholic Mother—Her Glory. 102 The Prayers Of The Mass 103 Devotion to St. Anthony of Padua 104 The Priesthood: A Divine Institution 105 The Wedding Service In English 106 The Sacred Symphony 107 Religion . . . Our Most Vital Asset 108 Jingle, Jangle, Jingle 109 The Funeral Service In English 1 10 The Truth About Catholics 1 1 1 Boy Meets Girl 1 12 The Requiem Mass In English 1 13 Watch Your Habits 1 15 The Priest's Manual for the Forty Hours Devotion 11/ i he Church and a Living Wage 1 19 God's Year and the Church's Year 1 20 Consoled. 121 Saint Dismas . . . The Good Thief 1 22 The Catholic Doctrine of Purgatory. 1 23 A Search for Happiness. 124 Youth's Struggle for Decency. 125 Hold High The Torch 126 The Catholic Girl Examines Her Conscience. 127 The Home Prayerbook. 130 Great European Monarch and World Peace. 131 Shall I Marry a Non-Catholic? 134 God, the World and the Catholic Workingman. 1 35 The Christian Mother. 1 37 I Witness a Baptism. 1 38 Forgiven. 139 Are You Missing Something? 1 42 Let's Be Fair. 1 43 A Soul Shrine for Mary. 1 44 Confirmation. 146 A Guide for Confession. 147 That Backward Collar. 1 50 Indulgence Aid. 151 Little Prayers with Plenary Indulgences. 1 52 When You Wish Upon a Star. 1 53 God's Plan For Your Salvation. 154 The Search For God. 155 The Church of Christ Incorporated. OUR SUNDAY VISITOR, Huntington, Indiana