The last moments of a converted infidel THE LAST MOMENTS O F A CONVERTED INFIDEL. T. lie mercies of the Lord I will sing for ever. Behold, from henceforth all generations sSc^ifme DietoSed * St. Luke , i. 48. BY THE REV. J. P. DONELAN. BALTIMORE : METROPOLITAN PRESS 1846 , Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year eighteen hundred and forty-six, by Louis Regis Deluol, in the Clerk’s office of the District Court of Maryland. - * > ' DeabfeSffied k k V TO THE VENERABLE AND VERY IEI1W= SMRd THE PATRIARCH OF CATHOLICITY IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, The Orphan’s Father and the Widow’s Friend, this little work is affectionately inscribed by THE WRITER/ ) PREFACE. In presenting the following pages to the public, it may not be amiss to premise, that they are intended merely to convey facts as they really occurred, without any attempt at ex- planation or vindication of the va- rious dogmas of the Catholic reli- gion to which they have reference. The writer has preferred to let facts speak for themselves—trusting ra- ther to their interest and influence 6 PREFACE.# than to any effort of his own. In the inspired words of the “Disciple whom Jesus loved,” That which we have heard , which we have seen with our eyes , which we have diligently looked upon , and our hands have handled. . . . That which we have seen and heard we declare unto you— that you also may have fellowship yoith us , and our fellowship may be with the Father , and with his Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write unto you that you may rejoice— and yourjoy may befull. 1 S. John, i, 1, 3, 4. If the writer has sometimes used strong expressions, his pen has but traced the feelings of his heart. For all that is herein related, he holds PREFACE. 7 himself responsible. Willing to ren- der to him that asketh it, a reason for the faith that is in him. With the subject of this narrative, who had for many years previously to his death resided in Alexandria, D. C., th^e writer had no acquaint- ance prior to his introduction to him in his sick room f They, however, who knew him well, speak of him as one long known as an avowed enemy to Christianity. In his child- hood he had been baptized in the Catholic church by the venerable Father Francis Neale, of the Jesuit Order ; and had his education equal- led his naturally strong mind, the evil which he might have inflicted on society would be incalculable. 8 PREFACE. Providentially, however, such was not the case. 'TBorn of poor parents, in early youth he acquired only the simplest rudiments of education; and his after life afforded few opportuni- ties for supplying this deficiency. Uncompromising in his principles, and a shrewd observer of men and things, he enjoyed the confidence and respect of many. For one in his humble sphere of life, he exerted no inconsiderable influence, as all believed that however erroneous His principles on religious subjects and energetic his manner of expressing them, he was sincere. The truly sensible will respect the honest er- rors of another, even while they seek to disprove them. PREFACE. 9 The reader will perceive that not unfrequently, in the following pages, the Invocation of Saints and Angels, the Intercession of the B. V. Mary, Praying for the dead, and the Real Presence of our Blessed Lord in the Holy Communion are introduced. If the writer has not stopped to prove these various doctrines, it is through an unwillingness to inter- rupt the thread of the narrative. Under other circumstances, it would perhaps be a duty, as it would as- suredly be a pleasure to enter upon these subjects at length. With these reflections, this little work goes forth, to seek its varied fortune. To God and to his Blessed Mother it is commended. May it 10 PREFACE. tend to awaken in the minds of some who read it, a desire to seek repose in the bosom of that holy Church, which alone can impart true com- fort here—true happiness hereafter. St. Matthew’s Church, > City of Washington, D. C. ) THE LAST MOMENTS OF A CONVERTED INFIDEL. The remarkable conversion which we are about to relate, will be viewed, doubtless, by many as a mere hu- man affair—an effect of sudden im- pulse or fanaticism. There are those into whose hands these pages will fall, who will treat the whole matter lightly, and pass it by as another fiction; and perhaps censure the wri- ter for giving the facts to the public. But there are higher and holier mo- tives for proclaiming to the world 14 THE LAST MOMENTS OF this striking proof of God’s mercy. In giving publicity to this wonder- ful conversion, in stating minutely each fact as it transpired and every circumstance attending the conver- sion of Mr. McGraw, the writer is guided by a fervent wish to pro- mote the glory of God; to show forth4$is mercies and to proclaim id's goodness. He desires to show to the world the efficacy of prayer—of the intercession of the Saints and Angels of God—and first, and above them all, of Mary, the ever blessed and immaculate Mother of God. What the thoughtless or the preju- diced may think or say of his efforts, the writef neither heeds nor cares; for conscious of the truth of what he A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 15 states, and impelled by no other aim than to glorify the wondrous ways of God, he sends forth this little work to seek itS"way into the hands of all. If any censure, so let it be — if any approve, leMhem thank that Father in Heaven who continues to manifest his mercies in such won- drous ways. If these facts shall be read by any*w3io love and venerate the Blessed Motfe^ of God, they will serve to strengthen that filial trust in her protection. With the subject of this narrative, let such ex- claim: “ Would that every heart were filled with love for Mary, the refuge of sinners and the Mother of my God! 55 It is to give an addi- tional motive for this devotion that TH.E LAST MOMENTS OF16 the follo\^g^j3tag^s are written— - let them be read attentively, for the writer, as well as numerous other eye-witnesses, ready to substan- tiate every circumstance here related. Mr. McGraw, at the time our nar- rative commences, was confined to his room by the illness of which he subsequently died- His body was exceedingly emaciated while his mind remained strong and vigorous. All who ever heard him declaim against Revealed Religion, or who knew him during his days of health agree in pronouncing him a man of unusually strong argumentative pow- ers. In the District of Columbia, where Mr. McGrawwas most known, his views on the subject of Religion A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 17 need not be mentioned. They are as familiar to his acquaintances, and indeed to a great portion of the Dis- trict as the history of any fact. Dur- ing a long and eventful life, he had for forty years openly professed him- self an Infidel—had gloried in the wild and senseless theories of Vol- taire, ofRousseau, of Paine, Diderot, D’Alembert, Bollingbroke and Knee- land. Following in the track of such demoralizing leaders, his naturally strong intellect succeeded to no in- considerable extent, in compiling a system partaking of the inconsis- tencies of one, the absurdities of ano- ther, and the horrid blasphemies of all. This system he had openly pro- fessed and strenuously endeavored 2 18 THE LAST MOMENTS OF to inculcate during five and thirty years. Possessed of an inventive genius and a fluency of words, it is not to be wondered at, that few were found to enter the arena of dispute with him—for, to convince him was impossible, so strongly was he wed- ded to his own peculiar views. Not an apparent discrepancy in the Bible had escaped him ; no difficulty , no seeming contradiction or prophecy in either the Old or New Testament but was as familiar to him as the Commandments to a Christian. He had studied the sacred volume for the express purpose of culling such passages ; and most fearful was the use which he made of his ill-directed talent. The strongest arguments A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 19 and most plausible theories against the truths ofthe gospel, Mr. McGraw would set forth in his intercourse with the young men, many of whom looked upon him as their leader in infidelity. He was for several years accustomed, after the duties of the day were over, to argue against the Christian religion in presence of an assemblage of persons, who would gather around his door or in some public place, attracted by the bold originality of his manner, and by the novelty of his views. It was his chief aim to instil his principles in the minds of the young; and too fatally did he for years succeed ! Many corrupted by his irreligious teaching are now suffering the dread 20 THE LAST MOMENTS OF consequences—many there are who, during the long period of thirty or forty years, learned from him to blaspheme the God of Truth and to deny his sacred revelations ! — Some remain here, and others are scattered to different parts of the world—while, how shall it be said ! no few have already passed the con- fines of time, and are now in eter- nity ! ti It was long, and indeed the constant custom of Mr. McGraw, to seek interviews with the sick and the dying; and there, while perform- ing some friendly office, to distil the poison of his infidelity into the very soul of the death-stricken victim ! No Christian minister could be more zealous for good than was this mis- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 21 guided individual in disseminating his horrid principles. Strange in- fatuation ! frightful wanderings of the human intellect ! And yet, the writer of this narrative entertains not the slightest doubt of Mr. McGraw’s sincerity. He had become impressed with the belief, that all religious au- thority was an unauthorized restraint on human liberty—that the mind of man should tower above all depen- dance on others for guidance; and being naturally of an ardent tempera- ment and possessing a heart ever sensibly alive to the necessities of others, he considered it his duty to destroy, as far as possible, the results of religious education in those around him—hence his unceasing exertions 22 THE LAST MOMENTS OF against revealed Religion, and his equally strenuous efforts to elevate human reason to the throne of the Deity*' Against his character in a moral point of view no one could speak—a kind father, he labored to support his family, and reared them in respectability—in nothing but re- ligion was he opposed to them—and strange as it may seem to some, he was not opposed to his childrens’ joining the Catholic(clxurch. While he was willing for them to enjoy their own opinions, he required that they should never introduce, in his pre- sence the subject of religion ; and if perchance in an unguarded moment, or when they beheld him slowly sinking beneath the effects of disease, A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 23 they introduced the subject, it would serve but to elicit from the father a tirade against the professors and the doctrines of revelation. During the spring of 1846, Mr. McGraw was attacked with a severe bronchial affection, which in a few months proved fatal. His once ro- bust and hardy constitution rapidly yielded to the inroads of disease- while trusting with apparent and no doubt sincere reliance to his errone- ous principles,—he looked on death as the termination of all his suffer- ings. To the earnest entreaties of his family and friends, whenever they ventured to broach the subject of preparing for death, he would re- ply in his usual style—assuring all 24 THE LAST MOMENTS OF of his perfect resignation, of his trust and entire confidence in the God whom he worshipped, of his willing- ness to abide the consequences of his belief, and his settled conviction of the truth of his opinions on the subject of Rational Religion. Many visited him during this period of his illness ; and no few were hindered from speaking on pious subjects through a natural, and very justifi- able dread of exciting him against religion. So excitable were his feel- ings and vehement his manner on this point, that not unfrequently in disproving Christianity and support- ing his own views he would become speechless from fatigue. The few who ventured to introduce the sub- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 25 ject of religion succeeded in nothing but in calling forth his reiterated op- position; and a renewal of his entire confidence in the sufficiency of rea- son and morality for man’s security. -When questioned on the immortality of the soul, on his prospects beyond the grave or his views of eternity, he would reply that a future state was absurd—that the soul’s immor- tality was a mere fiction, and that the doctrine of future rewards and punishments was the offspring of de- signing legislators. Nothing seemed capable to alter his views on these points. Christianity he treated as a fable—the history of its divine foun- der was but one of the many chime- ras by which the human mind was 26 THE LAST MOMENTS OF enslaved—the sacred truths contain- ed in the written word of God were but ill arranged contradictions, wThile reason was the only Deity ; and was alone deserving of man’s adoration. *' On one occasion in reply to the re- peated request of a pious Catholic lady for permission to introduce a priest into his room, he replied with emphasis : “ Not only one, but a host of priests, that they may see how an infidel can die!” Such were his feelings, and such the vain boast- ings of this child of error. u See how an infidel can meet death,” was his frequent remark, and when, on another occasion, he was exhorted to think of the frightful eternity into which he was about enter, he replied A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 27 with apparently much sincerity, u that change which you call eter- nity, but which I call the simple dis- solution of all human organization, has no terror for me—I am not afraid to die, for that ends all my sufferings and all my being. No Christian can meet death with less of fear, than I now see its slow but sure progress.” Eternal God ! how frightful such sentiments ! As he himself remarked when afterwards suing for mercy at the foot of the cross ! how vague and undefined is the idea an infidel forms of the state beyond the grave ! No faith enlivens the dreary blank, the horrid gloom brooding over the last moment ! no gleam of cheering hope dispels the dread, the fearful doubt 28 THE LAST MOMENTS OF which must sometimes rack the in- fidel’s soul, despite the boasted se- curity which lends a seeming but a fatal calmness ! No heaven born charity points the spirit above, nor lifts up the soul upon the wings of prayer, as looking from the win- dow of the eyes it gazes on the past, the present or the future ! but all is gloom, is wild and cheerless doubt ! * Ah ! who can believe it is all of death to die ? Who can place his hand upon his heart and say he is prepared to meet that change which knows no change ? To set out upon that perilous journey ; which ends — where? “The chamber where the good man meets his fate” may in- deed be called the dwelling place of A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 29 angels, for it is there the gates of a happy eternity are opened to him — it is there the vision of the heavenly Jerusalem first bursts upon his view, and the spirits of God welcome home another soul ransomed by the blood of the Lamb. ' But no such cheering truths cluster around the dying infi- del. No angel is there to point the doubting and the trembling soul to a better world. No bright visions of God and of his angels open to his view. No star of hope rises mid the storm, to guide the wanderer home, or cheer the desponding spirit in that awful gloom—all is dark and frightful uncertainty—all is doubt, and though the departing one may still persist, his perseverance can arise 30 THE EAST MOMENTS OF from nothing else than wilful obsti- nacy or a frightful yet well merited judgment of God<^-0faj^of error, stay thy wayward courkrf jOnange thy wicked thoughts whjjj&^et linger- ing this sideji^^grave ! If so it be that Go^fnay still pardon thee—But if thou Will not, and persevere in thy infidelity/oTft^^tepjnore, and all is lost forever ! One awfm lhoment and forever it will be too late !JNo re- turn—no change—-m^feftpe ! Lo ! even now the^jnf^els of God are waiting for tfiee ! See ! from the happy shoresNQfCanaan they are beckoning to thee. "^¥fej^God waits for thy return. Thy Saviour lives to make intercessionfo^iee. Thou hast a mother jj*4f1?aven, the mother A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 31 of God who^pleads to her Divine Son for thee! andTKe* ding Angel is ready at heaven^ com- mand to blot foreverjiy^aults from the register of death ! u Why will ye perish, 0 house of Israel?” “ As I live, saith will not the death of the sinner, buf/rather that he be converted jrUcTTive.” “Turn to me, 0 Isradl^ndthough thy sins be as red as scarlet Twill make them white as snow”—^Oh house of Israel why will ye'3^'!” Praised and glorified forever, be the mercies of (our God, who was pleased to manifeS’bthese consoling assurances so opepljrHfe earnestly entreated to be permitted to make his confes- sion immediately, but fearful that the excitement of the past few moments might be injurious to him, the cler- gyman proposed to delay the confes- sion for a while in order to leave him alone to commune with his God. But much to his surprise, he found that Mr. McGraw was as calm and A CONVERTED INFIDEL. tranquil as a child. There was a total change not only in feeling and in mind, but in appearance and in action. There was indeed an earn- estness of expression ; but it was as calmly dignified as if from long re- flection. There was indeed a glow upon his cheek, and joy sparkling in his eye—but it was the smile of gratitude to God—and the eye be- spoke the settled feelings of the heart. "' So earnest were his wishes to be allowed to make forthwith his confession, that the clergyman con- sented. What the fervor and con- trition which marked that penitential act it is not ours to know. It is locked up in the impenetrable gloom of the past ; but may we not hope 54 THE LAST MOMENTS OF that He who has entrusted to his Church the power of binding and of loosening in the court of conscience ratified in heaven the ministrations of his representative here below? Who can express the joy, the wonder of the family, when, on call- ing them into the room, they for the first time discovered the change that had been operated ! Tears, and sighs, and expressions of amazement were heard from all sides—“ Come to my arms, my children,” he ex- claimed, as he embraced them most affectionately, “ Come to your fa- ther’s arms, dear children, and join me in thanking God for his mer- cies to me. Your father is saved — he is a Christian^-he believes as A CONVERTED INFIDEL, 55 you do—he thinks as you do—your God is his God—and the Blessed Virgin, your mother in heaven, is his mother also. She has snatched me from ruin—but for her I would have been lost for ever!’ 5 Tears choked the utterance of his delighted family, and they could articulate but brief expressions of their joy and grati- tude—“Praises be to Jesus!” “ Glo- ry to God!” and “thanks to our Blessed Lady!” were repeatedly heard from weeping wife and daugh- ters. Their prayers had been heard, their dearest earthly wishes granted, their hearts teemed with emotions which words could not express, and they could only weep their gratitude to the Father of mercies. They now 56 THE LAST MOMENTS OF beheld that father whom they had never heard speak of religion but to oppose it, a fervent believer in its saving truths. How often, from ear- ly childhood until that present mo- ment, had they heard him protest against the attributes of God—at one time accusing /^im of partiality, at another arraigning fhis authori- ty—now denying even/^iis exis- tence, and again deifying human reason—but now, through the mer- cies of that same insulted being, they heard that parent proclaiming the goodness and the power of God, im- ploring his pardon, professing his entire belief in all the attributes of the Divinity; and repenting from his soul the follies and the errors of his A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 57 ways. Well might they weep; for, when through very excess of joy the tongue can no longer perform its office, the deep well springs of the heart give forth their tribute, and the eyes bespeak the thoughts the lips would fain utter. As the evening was now far ad- vanced the clergyman after explain- ing the nature and efficacy of ex- treme unction, deemed it advisable to comply with the sick man’s re- quest ; and accordingly he prepared to administer this consoling sacra- ment. Let the reader picture to himself this interesting scene. — There stretched upon a bed of sick- ness and of death was the ransom- ed child of error; he who had for 58 THE LAST MOMENTS OF so many years been lost—but was now found—the redeemed one, wdio had wearied his soul in the ways of infidelity—but now an humble sup- pliant at the cross of Jesus ! His eyes uplifted to heaven, or resting on the little crucifix which he held firmly grasped in both hands, as he would lift it up before him, then press it to his lips and again repose it upon his bosom. At his head knelt his wife—the partner of his toils and troubles through life—she who had so long prayed for his con- version and grieved over his wan- derings. Around his bed were kneel- ing his pious daughters mingling their tears and prayers with his. How earnestly and often had they A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 59 asked this favor from Heaven ! How many fervent communions had they offered in his behalf! And the bless- ed boon had come—their prayers were granted.̂ ^/lt was hard indeed to part with their father—but to part with him thus—to see him die a Christian! Ah! there was joy in the sorrow’—and here they knelt to thank their God, and bless the hand that reflected the painful blow’! Some pious friends w’ere also kneeling there—they had called to inquire after his condition—and hearing the joyful newT s they mingled w’ith the little group now gathered around his bed. The Priest of God slowly re- peated the appointed prayers—and ere he proceeded to the unctions, he 60 THE LAST MOMENTS OF addressed both to the sick man and to those present a few words expla- natory of the immediate ceremonies. He reminded them of the venerable antiquity of this sacrament, of its necessity, and the divine autho- rity for its institution recorded in the Epistle of Saint James, fifth chapter* He spoke of the consoling assurances attached to its faithful observance. The promise of truth was given that the prayer of faith united to the “ anointing with oil in the name of the Lord” should save the sick man—that the Lord “ should raise him up.” And that, in case any stain of sin still defiled the sick man’s soul, and the frailties of hu- man nature still rendered him dis- THE LAST MOMENTS OF 61 pleasing to Heaven, the grace of the sacrament would wash them all away, through the merits of the blood of Christ. ' If he be in sins, they shall be forgiven him . 55 What a consoling reflection for the dying Catholic ! How admirably calculated to encourage him in that trying mo- ment, when earth fades away, and the unseen visions of eternity are about to open before him—when the curtain shall fall, and the veil which conceals an unknown world shall be removed. Such did it prove to Mr. McGraw. He listened with edify- ing attention to the explanations given ; and, when the clergyman proceeded to anoint the different senses, he repeated in English what 62 THE LAST MOMENTS OF the Church required him to pro- nounce first in Latin. “By this sa- cred unction , and through his most gracious mercy may our Lord remit unto thee all sins of which thou hast been guilty through the sense of see- ing—and so of the rest. As the sign of the cross was formed upon his eyes, his ears, his mouth and hands and feet, the sick man responded “amen,” in a tone which bespoke the pious emotions of his heart. All were edified—for all looked on with wonder as they beheld him thus cap- tivated by the grace of God. ""The calm resignation now depicted on his countenance was far different from that which had characterized him during the first part of his ill- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 63 ness. It was the calm tranquillity breathed upon the soul by a hope in God. Tears were in his eyes—but they were the tears of an humble and a contrite heart. They were tears like those which Magdalen shed when “she wept and was forgiven.” Every expression that escaped his lips was an aspiration to God. He prayed earnestly for pardon—he call- ed on Heaven in accents and in lan- guage which filled all present with amazement. For several moments after he was anointed, he poured forth such an earnest, such a pious strain of thanksgiving and of hum- ble petition to God, that a stranger would have concluded he had al- ways been accustomed to piety. 64 THE LAST MOMENTS OF And why should we wonder? Was it not the work of God? If the ministering Angel touched Isaiah’s hallowed lips with fire, why need we wonder that another Angel brought from above the inspiration which spoke through this recent triumph of the Cross? The ways of God are deep and mysterious. u Thy ways are not my ways, and thy thoughts are not my thoughts, for as far as the heavens are above the earth so far are my ways above thy ways and my thoughts above thy thoughts.” “ Who hath known the mind of the Lord—or who hath been his coun- sellor ?” “ Oh ! the depth of the knowledge of the wisdom of God! How incomprehensible are his judg- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 65 ments—how unsearchable hisways! ” ‘'Here was another evidence of the power of God—Like another Saul, he had been, at least in one point of view, a persecutor of the people of God. And even while yet glorying in his pride of intellect he is stricken down in the midst of his career—and now humbly' asks “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” The wolf has become a lamb—the reviler adores — and the goodness, the power, and the mercies of God stand avenged before his enemies! Glorious vic- tory ! more effectual in proclaiming the attributes of God than the crea- tion of a world. For in this drfs power and wisdom are manifest- while in that his mercy and his pa- 66 THE EAST MOMENTS OF tience stand proclaimed. The Good Shepherd had indeed found the sheep that was lost—and had brought it home rejoicing—the Prodigal had returned to his Father’s house, and found a secure asylum. The wea- ried spirit, like the dove of the de- luge, had sought in vain for a spot whereon to rest—and now it was re- turned to the ark—where a more than Moses had welcomed it home. Another sinner had been converted — there was joy before the Angels of God—and earth was sharing in the festival of heaven. “ Glorious things are said of the City of God!” where such charity for man is found! Who would despond, or who despair, A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 67 since grace and mercy may still be found? Taking leave of Mr. McGraw, the clergyman retired—for the interview had continued nearly four hours—as he left the sick man’s room, he re- commended himself to his prayers and to those of the family, for he felt that God has visited that house. On the following day he returned again to Alexandria, and found his con- vert in the same pious disposition. The fact of his conversion had al- ready become widely circulated, and numbers of all denominations flocked to have ocular demonstration of its truth. To all he spoke in the same pious terms. To all he manifested his sorrow for the past—his grati- 68 THE LAST MOMENTS OF tude to God for being spared a sud- den and an unprovided death. He proclaimed the glory of Mary—the Mother of God, whom now he al- ways called his mother. He spoke of the circumstances of his conver- sion, and begged all to thank God for him.^ 'Wonderful was the effect produced on those who heard him. Whence this sudden change—these pious dispositions? “ Surely the fin- ger of God is here,” said they; but among the many who visited his sick room, there was one class in whose interest and in whose visits he manifested the deepest anxiety. The young men of Alexandria—they who had known his principles and had heard him profess those princi- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 69 pies in public and in private. It was for them that he called in a spe- cial manner. For them did he pray most unceasingly. He requested all who had ever been disedified or mis- led by his “ senseless jargon,” as he now styled his former efforts against Christianity, to come and look at him—to learn from him, so long a blasphemer against the Author of Christianity, the consoling truths of religion—to hear from him an en- tire recantation of all his former er- rors—to witness his firm belief in all the doctrines of the Holy Catholic Church—his sorrow for the past — his trust in the mercies of Heaven — his confidence in the all-atoning me- rits of his crucified Redeemer—his 70 THE LAST MOMENTS OF hope for Heaven—his earnest en- treaties that he might be remember- ed in prayer to God after his death not only by his family and Confes- sor, but by all who had the charity of God. How affectionately did he speak of his c( Good Mother, 55 the Blessed Virgin! What endearing epithets did he bestow upon her! How openly did he proclaim to all alike, Christians and Infidels, that Mary, the Mother of Jesus, was the instrument of his conversion ! And what indeed is a subject of edifica- tion, if not of amazement, is the correct and truly Catholic manner in which he spoke on this subject. Never derogating from the goodness of God, to extol the praises of Ma- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 71 ry—never sharing the glory of the Creator with the creature. Surely the fact can be accounted for in no other way than that of his conver- sion—it came from above. Before receiving tke Holy Com- munion, Mr. McGraw requested his family to collect all his infidel books, papers and manuscripts to be burned. Had they, who were commissioned with this grateful task, yielded to his wishes, they would have burned them in the public streets as a testi- mony of his conversion to Chris- tianity. But it was deemed suffi- cient to burn them in private as he publicly mentioned the fact on many occasions. How strong an evidence this of his sincerity! None but a 72 THE LAST MOMENTS OF mind radically changed could be brought to give up thus the cherish- ed sources of all its arguments and boasted theories. But the grace of God was triumphant here—and like the humble penitents mentioned in the Acts of the Apostles when apall- ed by the punishment inflicted on the Sons of Sceva, he too came u confessing his sins” and commit- ting his wicked books to the flames. On this occasion Mr. McGraw received the Holy Communion. His preparation for it had been truly edi- fying. Not a moment had been lost since his conversion. His wife and daughters had each in turn read and prayed by his bed; while no few among the many who visited him A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 73 performed the same pious office. He longed for that sacred food—that last and perpetual memorial of Christ’s passion and suffering, in which the soul feasts upon the food of angels. He prayed most earnestly to be a partaker of that u Sacred Banquet in wffiich Christ is received, his sacred passion copnmemorated, the soul is filled with grace, and a pledge of future glory is given to the worthy receiver.” IXnd his pious wishes wrere gratified. On questioning him concerning this sacred dogma, the clergyman found him thoroughly in- structed. As if by intuition, he possessed a thorough knowledge of the subject—the dispositions re- quired—an entire faith in the sacred 74 A CONVERTED INFIDEL. mystery—the manner of receiving ^js^Holy Communion—and even the ceremonies peculiar to this holy act. , r fhus encouraged, the Priest pre- pared to administer fj>e Holy Com- munion as viaticum. On this occa- sion many were present. Nor were they all Catholics, although all were in tears, so edifying and affecting was the scene. Words can ill ex- press the piety manifested by Mr. McGraw at this important moment. All were kneeling, while the half suppressed sob and the gushing tear told eloquently the feelings of those present. It was a holy and a joyful moment! As the Priest rose from his knees and elevated the sacred Host before the sick man’s eyes, he A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 75 raised himself in the bed, and cross- ing his hands upon his bosom, ex- claimed, with tears in his eyes: “ Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldst enter under my roof—say but the word and my soul shall be healed ! My heart is ready O God! my heart is ready? Even as the hart panteth after the streams of living waters, so does my soul thirst after thee, O God ! When shall I come and appear before my God! How good thou art, my Saviour and my Redeemer! What have I in heaven but thee—and beside thee what do I desire on earth ? What shall I ren- der to the Lord for all that he hath done unto me? I will thank my God—I will praise and glorify his 76 THE LAST MOMENTS OF holy name. Pardon me, 0 my Lord and my God, for all my transgres- sions against thee and thy Church. I believe thou art my Redeemer, and that in the last day I shall rise to meet thee. Oh my Saviour. and my God, why art thou so good to me? I am not worthy to be called thy child—but let me call thee Father ! No matter what thou doest unto me, I will love thee still. Punish me — condemn me—afflict me—I will call thee Father. What have I done to deserve this so great favor, that thou shouldst come to me upon my bed of> sickness ! I have blasphemed thee, I have been |hy enemy, and is this py revenge! Come, Lord Je- sus !—come quickly. My soul hun- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 77 gers and thirsts after thy Holy Sac- rament—I am yours and you are mine.” ^These and many other simi- lar aspirations did he pronounce, as still holding his hands crossed upon his breast, he kept his eyes stead- fastly fixed upon the consecrated Host. Strength seemed to be given him for the time. His voice, though feeble, was distinct, save when eith- er his own tears for a moment ob- structed his utterance, or the sobs of the kneeling group interrupted him. Not a word was spoken but by the sick man, who was thus holding sweet converse with his Lord. Any interruption of so sacred a colloquy, would have been deemed almost sacrilegious by those present, and 78 THE LAST MOMENTS OF 5 l the clergyman himself, though not unused to trying scenes, stood, lost in wonder and amazement. -The sacred viaticum is placed upon the sick man’s tongue—he folds his bands and reposes himself in prayer upon his pillow—the appointed cere- monial is finished, and all continued to kneel in silence, lest they should call back to earth the thoughts of this child of God. A brief half hour passed in thanksgiving for the blessings which Heaven had bestow- ed upon the family; and the clergy- man journeyed homeward rejoicing and grateful. It is not necessary to recount the different visits during the succeed- ing two weeks. Let it suffice that A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 79 each was marked by some incident of interest and edification. Num- bers still daily and hourly flocked to see this example of God’s goodness, and nearly all left him moved to tears by the fervor of his piety and the unction of his words.- So great was the curiosity excited by this conversion, that several from the City of Washington visited him to assure themselves of its reality. To one of these Mr. McGraw re- marked, that he wondered much u why men did not believe in the truths of Christianity. For me, he continued, even were I to try, I could not now reject my belief in all its doctrines. I have tried the world — have been an atheist and an infidel— * 80 THE LAST MOMENTS OF I have sometimes thought myself happy—I was sincere in what I said, and spoke freely what I believed. Yet how differently are my feelings now from those which I formerly had ! Every thing around me and within me has changed—I always loved my family—but I never loved them so dearly as now. I now look upon my children and my wife with different eyes. They were always kind and dutiful to me—but, till I became a Catholic, I never ap- preciated their tenderness*-^* and here, 55 said he, raising his little crucifix, which he constantly kept either in his hand or on his breast, u here is now my sign ! Here is my model—by this I was redeemed— A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 81 under this sacred banner I have en- listed—and under this I will live and die. 0 Jesus, dying on the cross for me, have mercy on me! Mary, standing at the foot of the cross of Jesus, pray for me.” Referring to some misunderstand- ing which had formerly existed be- tween him and another for some real or imaginary cause, he observed : “ how different is the morality taught by religion from that which the fol- lowers of reason practice. Even in my own case, the last and worst of all mankind—the most unworthy be- ing in existence, how is it manifest- ed. For years I have proudly kept aloof from Aim, foolishly supposing that reas md honor dictated the 82 THE LAST step; nay, had I met him, there have been moments when my heart would have gloated over his death. His very name I hated. And now, how different is my case ! Oh God of mercy! how freely do I forgive him, and earnestly beg him to for- give me! Ia worm of earth—I a sinful man, and the greatest ot sin- ners! Were he here now, how af- fectionately would I embrace him, and ask his forgiveness—for all is changed—as I hope to he forgiven, I forgive all in him. Glorious system of Divine Revelation ! Glorious Re- ligion! Sublime Morality! The false apostles of infidelity never conceived of it. It must have come from God ! The mind of Deity alone could sug- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 83 gest it—the Christian alone can practice it. I always admired it in others, but attributed it to human motives. I now feel my error—Oh God, forgive me! Thou who died for me, arid prayed ford;hose who crucified thee, I thank thee ! I for- give also all who ever injured me — and ask pardon of all I have in- jured ! We must not suppose that Mr. McGraw was hurried away by im- pulse of feeling, or that the fervent expressions which thus came from his very soul, were the effect of re- ligious excitement or enthusiasm. To be convinced of the reverse, it was but necessary to see and hear him, while living, speaking on the 84 THE LAST MOMENTS OF subject of religion—to mark his tranquil manner and the calm and sweet smile depicted on his counte- nance. Now that he has gone, that the sound of his voice is hushed for- ever in the grave, his sincerity and earnestness of purpose, the settled and confirmed conviction which ac- tuated him can be found by every honest mind, in his uniform deport- ment—in the traits which charcter- ised him before and after his con- version—then, all was firm, deter- mined resolution—in his denuncia- tions of Christianity, even when most vehement, he was remarked for his consistency. Where real merit was due and he so believed, it was accorded—between the deserving A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 85 and the guilty—the really sincere and the base pretender—errors of judgment, and human frailties— a settled determination of malice and momentary weakness, he was quick to discriminate and sure to make every allowance. , After his conver- sion to Christianity the same noble traits were observable in him—the errors of his former life he condemn- ed indeed as the effects of pride of intellect—ambition of being known and noticed—but in others, he be- wailed them as misfortunes over which we should w^eep, rather than condemn—he spoke of the profes- sors of infidel opinions as persons for whom we should pray rather than despise—of their errors he spoke in 86 THE LAST MOMENTS OF terms of unmitigated abhorrence; but of themselves, he spoke in true Christian charity—no hour of the day or night passed without bearing to heaven his earnest supplications in their behalf—for the snare of the fowler had been broken—his soul had been rescued from danger, and he wept as he thought of those still detained in their bondage and in er- ror—there was no wild outbreaking of feeling—no violence of expres- sion—all was calm—all was tran- quil; and the fervent outpourings of spirit, by which his inmost soul was made known, fell upon the ears of all who heard them as the accents of one standing on the verge of eter- nity—they still come back upon their A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 87 memories like echoes from that other world, where all is truth all is stern reality. Some may condemn, and others doubt them; but of such we can only say, in the words of our Divine Redeemer: “ Ye know not of what spirit ye are.” On^the afternoon of—~ a messenger was despatched to Wash- ington to request the immediate at- tendance of his confessor, for he was rapidly sinking, and he desired to see once again his Rev. friend. In a short time, the priest was at his bed side, for h^had frequently pro- mised the si^k man to be near him in his last agony—a smile of joy lighted up the countenance of the sick man as the clergyman entered i - - - J 88 THE LAST MOMENTS OP the room—a faint whisper was all that he could use. To every exhor- tation to place his reliance on the merits of his Saviour, and to keep his mind calmly bent on God, he would reply in a feeble whisper, or by raising his crucifix to his lips and kissing it with emotion—he was ob- served to weep, and when encou- raged to hope for pardon, he replied : “ Jesus wept for me in the garden, and may I not weep for my sins at the cross ? 55 When asked if he de- sired to receive once more his Lord in the Holy Communion, he raised his hands in an attitude of supplica- tion, and smiling through his tears replied : “ Did the people of God sigh for their altars and their homes? A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 89 Does the wounded bird seek its nest or the wounded hare its burrow ? So does my thirsting soul long for her food to streng&en her in this journey of death. ’J^Sublime answer ! be- speaking the faith of the Christian and the hope inspired by true philo- sophy; Holy Communion was then administered—he was supported by one of his daughters, as at this time he was too feeble to raise himself in bed. It was generally known that he was approaching his end, and ac- cordingly several persons had assem- bled to witness his last moments ; among those present were professors of different religions, yet all knelt and prayed with one accord. Hard indeed must have been the heart so 90 THE LAST MOMENTS OF prejudiced as not to melt with min- gled sympathy and joy at so moving a spectacle. Every breath of the dying man was a prayer, and every prayer was a tribute of gratitude to God, calm as a sleeping child he lay, with his hands still holding his crucifix and beads, his eyes raised to heaven, and his thoughts intent on God.^~To every petition of the Litany for a dying person he replied calmly and earnestly, to every as- piration he smiled assent, and for every prayer which the minister of God recited he looked, for he could not speak, his gratitude—no troubled heavings of the bosom or fearful wanderings of the eye gave reason to fear that he was tormented by A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 91 doubts or assailed by temptations — hard and long was his death agony, and the violence of his bodily suffer- ings forced a groan from sinking nature, but the soul, the immortal soul was calm—no fears but the salutary dread of judgment disturbed him—no doubt harrassed him—no dangers appalled him. He had made all his temporal arrangements, and had bestowed his dying blessing on his family and friends, he had taken leave of all earthly things and now he was composed to die. The shades of death were gathering around him, and the night of eternity was fast setting in, yet a bright star of hope was rising to his view. The ene- mies of his salvation were doubtless 92 THE LAST MOMENTS OF assaulting him, but in his hand, and in his heart, and on his lips was his shield of protection, the cross of Christ and the name of Mary. The cold sweat of death trickled down his manly brow, and his spirit was breathing its last earthly vow to heaven, but the angels of God were hovering around his pillow, and the smiles of his Blessed Mother were resting on her child. In that awful moment when the tide of life was fast ebbing, and the heart was ceas- ing its pulsations, then was Mary his Mother there. He had loved her in life, he still loved her in death—even as the lamb frightened at the coming storm seeks shelter in the fold, so did the departing spirit of our friend A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 93 now seek refuge in the bosom of its God. The sacred names of Jesus and of Mary were ever on his lips as they were ever in his heart—his eyes would rest with intense emotion first upon his crucifix, then upon the little group, the wife and children whom he was about to leave alone and unprotected, and a tear would steal from his eyes. The prayers for a departing soul were said, and though his voice failed him, his lips still moved in prayer : “ Depart Christian soul out of this world,” said the minister of God in the sweet yet peculiar words of the Ritual as he held the cross before the eyes of the dying man, “ Depart out of this world in the name of God the Father 94 THE LAST MOMENTS OF Almighty who created thee—in the name of Jesus Christ, who redeemed thee—in the name of the Holy Ghost, who sanctified thee—in the name of the Angels, Arch-Angels, Thrones and Dominations, Cherubim and Seraphim—in the name of the Pa- triarchs and Prophets, of the holy Apostles and Evangelists, of the holy Martyrs and Confessors, of the holy Monks and Hermits, of the holy Virgins, and of all the Saints of God, may thy place be this day in peace, and thy abode in holy Zion!” Let the body return to the earth, and the spirit go back to the God who gave it—go forth Christian soul ! The re- splendant company of the Angels will meet thee at thy departure—the A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 95 court of Apostles will receive thee, the triumphant army of Martyrs will conduct thee, crowds of joyful Con- fessors will encompass thee, choirs of holy Virgins will go before thee, a happy rest in the bosom of the Pa- triarchs will be thy portion—Jesus Christ thy Saviour and thy judge will appear to thee with a mild and cheerful countenance, and give thee a place among those who are to be in his presence forever—go forth then Christian soul to meet thy Sa- viour and thy Judge—thou art not alone—Angels are hovering o’er thee—Mary is near thee, she will be thy solace, thy refuge, thy shield; go, thou art not friendless and lone, thou wilt not be unprotected in that 96 THE LAST MOMENTS OF strange distant land—let not thy spirit tremble nor thy soul grow sad with fear, for thy mother will meet her child there—her name will be thy passport, her bosom thy rest — light up thy heart with joy, and thy soul in gladness, for thou hast loved her on earth, and thou shalt love her in heaven. The pulse had ceased to throb, and the dying man’s eyes were fixed in the vacant stare of death—a pause ensued—silence reigned in the room. It was an awful pause ! for the An- gel of death was there—and all felt the influence of his presence. The blessed candle threw its flickering rays upon the dying man’s face ; the cross was still held up before him, A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 97 while the clergyman’s hand was grasped in the agonies of death by those of the departing one—his bo- som heaved with but few convul- sive efforts—his lips still moved in prayer—they lisped the sweet names of “ Jesus and Mary”—one strug- gle—one sigh—and the ransomed spirit had sped its flight to eternity! Come to his assistance, ye Saints of God—meet him, 0 meet him, ye Angels of God!—Mother of God protect him !—Jesus Christ receive him ! And may the Angels lead him to his place of rest. “ Eternal rest grant to him, O Lord!” exclaimed the Priest, and, with one accord, all present responded, “ And let per- petual light shine upon him.”" A prayer was offered to Heaven in his 98 THE LAST MOMENTS OF behalf—an earnest prayer from hearts stricken with sorrow—yet filled with gratitude to God. For they knew that he had tried to prepare for death, and they felt that he had pass- ed to a better world. Then, as he breathed a petition that all present might die the death of the just, and that their last end might be like his, the priest turned towards the widow and the orphans, offered what feeble consolation was in his power, and left them alone with the dead—for in those moments, when the heart is too full to speak, nature speaks in all the eloquence of tears. There are moments when it is sweet to yield to the feelings of sadness, and the heart is relieved by weeping. Why then disturb the sacred grief A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 99 of the widowed one—or seek to check the orphan’s tear when, for the first time, a sense of loneliness comes upon them, and they “will not be comforted?” Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus—why may we not weep at a parent’s grave ? On Saturday June — the funeral obsequies were performed in the church of Saint Mary’s, in Alexan- dria, in presence of an immense con- course of witnesses. The church was crowded by persons of all de- nominations, anxious to hear some- thing relative to the facts of his con- version ; and no few among them had come from Washington with the same views. Some, doubtless, were then present, who disbelieved the 100 THE LAST MOMENTS OF whole affair ; or professed to think that it was but a fiction raised by the family and friends of the de- ceased. With such it was and is entirely useless to speak—for they would not believe, even though one were to rise from the dead and pro- claim the wondrous fact. They would even doubt their own exist- ence, were it not they would expose themselves to the ridicule of others. The miracles of Christ failed to con- vince many of i-&is hearers—why then wonder that there are found minds so obstinately prejudiced as to reject this so public a fact? Eve- ry one capable of appreciating the wondrous ways of God will at least enquire into the facts of (he case be- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 101 fore rejecting what may at first ap- pear incredible. In the funerah sefrmon the offici- ating clergyman seated the principal facts enumerated in the foregoing pages, and dwelt upon the myste- rious Providence of God. Then, preceding me funeral train, he led the way tqrthat last resting place of mortality/ where undisturbed the slumberel reposes in the dreamless sleep of ideath, till the Archangel’s trump shall call the worldyCo judg- ment. So lived and died tjsfe subject of this narrative—such j#ere the prin- cipal events connected with his truly remarkable conversion—who can re- flect upon them, and not give thanks to that Father! of mercies whose J 102 THE LAST MOMENTS OF kindness knoweth no bounds, and whose goodness is unto everlasting? Who is like to the Lord our God ! How incomprehensible are this judg- ments—how unsearchable his ways ! Every created being proclaims his power, and u day discovereth the light of him to the day.” By a spe- cial mark of his protecting care, some are preserved in innocence from early life and grow to maturity with all the virtue of their youth—others are cut off in the midst of their sins, and ere a moment is given them to sue for mercy they are ushered into the presence of their God. No few are hurried away, even after the commission of their first and only mortal sin, and without the grace of the Sacraments—without contrition, A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 103 without mercy they are ushered into the presence of their Sovereign Judge—while others, as in the case of Mr. MfiGxaw, who live in open rebellion against the Almighty are visited, even in their last moments, by the mercies of Heaven. Won- drous are thy ways, 0 God.! and who shall explain them! Who then shall doubt of the mercies of Heaven ! or who shall say there is no room for pardon! The simple narrative in the preceding pages inspires a three fold reflection. Trust in God, charity for others, and a tender devotion to the Blessed Virgin. See how good the Almighty was to our convert — from his throne in heaven he looked upon him, and manifested his mer- cies by changing this heart of stone 104 THE LAST MOMENTS OF into one of flesh. He who had so long waited the return of this un- guided Absolom comes in search of him—great had been his errors—yet the goodness of God was greater — numerous his sins, yet still more the mercies of Heaven. Long had he resisted the graces proffered him — the entreaties of friends—the prayers and good examples of his pious family, and the many inducements within and around him to know, to love, and to serve his God—hope seemed lost, and the most sanguine among his friends had ceased to an- ticipate a change—yet, glory be to God! that change cameP'Xake the lightning flash from heaven, the truth of God broke upon him, and the walls of error crumbled at the sound A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 105 of the trumpet of truth—the beauties of religion were made manifest to him—a luminous eternity was open- ed to his view, and he was a Chris- tian! With what confidence in the goodness of God should not this in- spire us ! No sins are too dark—no guilt too heinous—no crime too great for the mercies of Heaven. In a moment when we least expect it, the time of visitation may come, and the sinner become a saint. If we ad- mire the goodness of God hi - the conversion of Mr. ^JkteG'raw, let us strive to imitate as far as is in our power, that mercy towards each other—let us b^patient and charita- ble one to anome?^thm£ing no evil—desiring not revenge^out rather to be kind to all. He worn we may 106 THE LAST MOMENTS OF consider a dhild of wrath, may be near to his conversion—he whom we despise and shun, may yet be- come a child of benediction. Let us then be charitable even as God our Father is charitable—Heaven bears with his errors and spares him in all his wanderings-—why should we usurp the attributes of God, and in our individual capacities, condemn what he endures? We too have our faults—each one has frailties at which he sometimes blushes—why then condemn in others/what we indulge in ourselves, or why expect to find others perfect, \^hen we ourselves are filled with imperfections ? Ah ! let us imitate thfe charity of God to- wards sinners—^he loves this virtue ; it was this th^t brought him down A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 107 from heaven—it was for this he died. Let us, who are sinners, be to others as we wish our Lord to be to us. “By this shjall alj. men know that ye are my disciples] if ye have love one for another.” And does not the remarkable trait related in these little pages inspire confidence in the protectin^/care of our Blessed Mother in heaven ? Who can doubt it? Who that? witnessed the facts here related, or heard the pious senti- ments he expressed in regard to the Blessed Virgin, can for a moment doubt the great share that pure and holy being had in the affair of his con- version ? Her pure hands were raised in prayer to her Divine Son for him — her maternal heart felt for his mise- ries ; she saw him on the brink of 108 THE LAST MOMENTS OF ruin; about to be precipitated into* that awful gulf, u where no order, but everlasting horror dwells.” She saw that another victim was to be deprived of the fruits of Christ’s suf- ferings, and that the enemy was about to deprive him of the atone- ment of her Son. She saw it, and she prayed it might not be—she was moved to pity, and kneeling before the Redeemer she called on him by the endearing name of Son to pity and to pardon this wandering child ! Her prayer was heard—Jesus, her Divine Son, granted her petition, and the sinner was converted. Glorious belief! consoling thought! We have a Mother in Heaven to plead with Jesus in our behalf! Though the eternal Father be angry A CONVERTED INFIDEL. 109 with us, can he resist the interces- sion of his Divine Son? and when that eternal Son is petitioned by his blessed Mother, can he refuse to grant her prayer? When such a Mother pleads with such a Son, for what may we not hope ! Her mater- nal heart is filled with love for us — her pure soul is the temple of every virtue, and if her hands were never lifted in vain on earth to plead with her Divine Son, the cause of suffer- ing humanity, why should we be re- quired to believe, that now that she is enthroned in glory, she pleads in vain for us ? Ah ! far from every feel- ing heart so gross an idea of the gratitude of Jesus for his blessed Mother. Her arms were the first to clasp his tender form, and her chaste no THE LAST MOMENTS OF bosom was the first to pillow his sacred head, so soon to be pierced with a thorny crown—her eyes first beamed a mother’s smile upon him in the humble manger of Bethlehem, and shed the bitterest tear at the cross of Calvary—her voice was sweet and powerful enough to win him from his disputation with the Poctors in the temple, and to induce him to anticipate the eternal decrees of his Father, at the marriage feast of Cana in Gallilee. As he cast his closing eyes towards the foot of the cross they rested on his blessed Mother, faithful in death, as she had ever been in life—what then was his expression ? Was it that of many who almost censure him for his love for his Mother? Hear it ye who re- A CONVERTED INFIDEL. Ill vile this sacred custom, and with us strive to obey it—“ Behold thy Mo- ther!” Yes, Holy Mother of Jesus, thou art our Mother also ! We do behold thee—though every where lovely, ’tis at the foot of the cross thou art most dear to us—’tis there thy fervent children love to dwell upon thee, for at the foot of the cross thou wast given us for our Mother ; why then should we not love thee, O Virgin Daughter of Zion! The harp of tile minstrel and the inspired lay of the prophet have proclaimed thy greatness and thy dignity—kings and emperors have praised thee — the learned have set forth thy merits, and the ignorant have loved thee — the glorious Church throughout the world proclaims thee the Mother of 112 THE LAST MOMENTS OF God, and all nations shall call thee blessed. Yes, thou art our Mother — we love thee as the Mother of God — we will strive to follow thy example and to imitate thy virtues—with God for our Father, and thee for our Mother, what shall we fear ? r I hough enemies surround us, and the powers of darkness oppose our journey to Heaven, we will fly to thy protection, and exclaim “ Jesus, dying on the cross for me, have mercy on me! Mary, standing at the foot of the cross of Jesus, pray for me!” THE END. S' * 1 . -m I