P R O B L E M S O F 

GouSitiltía 
and 

McWÜGXfZ 

7 
W I L L I A M S. BOWDERN,S.J. m M w 

THE QUEEN'S WORK 
3742 West Pine Boulevard St. Louis, Mo. 





P r o b l e m s of 

Courtship and Marriage 

By 

William S. Bowdern, S. J. 

T H E Q U E E N ' S W O R K 
3742 West Pine Boulevard 

St. Louis, Mo. 



Imprimi potest: 

Peter Brooks, S. J. 

Praep. Prov. Missourianae 

Nihil obstat: 

F. J . Holweck 

Censor Librorum 

Imprimatur: 

"i" Joannes J. Glennon 

Archiepiscopus Sti. Ludovici 

Sti. Ludovici, die 18 Novembrls 1938 

Seventh printing, February 1943 

A N T F I N A N C I A L P R O F I T made by 
the Central Office of the Sodality 
will be used for the advancement 
of the Sodality Movement and the 
cause of Catholic Action. 

Copyright, 1939 

T H E Q U E E N ' S W O R K , Inc. 

D e a c f d i f i e d 



PROBLEMS OF 

Courtship and Marriage 

By 
William S. Bowdern, S. J. 

Dedicated 
To the Modest Young Women 

and 
To the Gallant Young Men 

Whose Love 
P e r p e t u a t e s t h e Virtues 

Of Which 
T h o m a s Moore S a n g 

T h e L e g e n d : Such was t h e virtue among t h e men and women 
of Ireland in t h e reign of K i n g B r i a n Boru (1000 A. D.) t h a t it was 
said t h a t a b e a u t i f u l girl, laden w i t h jewels and unaccompanied, 
could travel by day and night in p e r f e c t s a f e t y f r o m one end of t h e 
country t o t h e other. 

Rich and r a r e were t h e g e m s she wore, 
And a bright gold ring on h e r wand she b o r e ; 
But, oh! her b e a u t y w a s f a r beyond 
H e r s p a r k l i n g gems or snow-white wand. 

"Lady, dost thou not f e a r to s t r a y , 
So lone and lovely, through t h i s bleak way? 
Are E r i n ' s sons so good or so cold 
As n o t to be t e m p t e d by woman or gold?" 

"Sir Knight, I feel not t h e least a l a r m ; 
No son of E r i n will offer me h a r m : 
For, though t h e y love women and golden store, 
Sir Knight, they love honor and virtue more." 





Problems of 

COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE 
Love or Lust — Which? 

Is It Love 7 
Are you in love? And if you are in love, a r e you sure it is really 

love? Because if you a r e sure, you have nothing to f e a r ; but if you 
a r e n o t sure, may heaven help you, for nothing is m o r e d e s t r u c t i v e 
of love and of love's h a p p i n e s s t h a n is t h e l u s t which m a s q u e r a d e s 
a s love. 

Love and lust a r e different f r o m one a n o t h e r , as completely 
different a s d a y is f r o m night. And yet how m a n y young m e n and 
young women come to realize this t r e m e n d o u s difference only when 
it is too late, only when lust h a s killed p u r e love, only when w h a t 
seemed to be affection h a s shown itself to be sin and h a s debased 
w h a t might h a v e been a h a p p y courtship and a n even h a p p i e r 
m a r r i a g e . 

F a i l u r e to distinguish clearly between lust and love is the 
r e a s o n why t h e r e a r e so m a n y sinful, saddened h e a r t s in courtship, 
which is m e a n t by God to be such a holy and happy time. Yes — 
holy a n d h a p p y ; we h a v e paired t h e s e words deliberately. Sinful 
days can n e v e r be h a p p y days. T h e y m a y seem in t h e beginning to 
be happy days, but t h e i r close will b r i n g sad h e a r t s . F o r sin can 
bring n e i t h e r h a p p i n e s s n o r genuine peace to a h e a r t t h a t w a n t s 
to be good. 

T h e r e can b e h a p p y and holy courtships and m a r r i a g e s only 
if young m e n and young women a r e w h a t God intended t h e m to be. 
It is to help young people to t h i s end t h a t t h i s little booklet is 
w r i t t e n . 

The Sacredness of Marriage 

Marriage h a s a j w a y s been sacred, b u t it h a s been doubly 
sacred since t h e time of Christ, who elevated m a r r i a g e to t h e dig-
nity of a s a c r a m e n t . Do m o s t young people realize t h e full mean-
ing of t h a t elevation? Christ placed m a r r i a g e as a m e a n s of grace 
on the s a m e plane w i t h t h e holiest t h i n g s we k n o w : baptism, 
confirmation, penance, e x t r e m e unction, holy orders, and t h e Holy 



E u c h a r i s t itself. E v e n had t h e r e been doubt before, t h e r e can be 
none now — now t h a t Christ h a s spoken. How sacred the duty and 
how g r e a t t h e privilege of a f a t h e r and a m o t h e r ! They a r e t h e 
i n s t r u m e n t s t h a t God uses to bring into t h i s world children made in 
His own image and likeness, children with immortal souls, chil-
dren whose destiny it is to be God's children in t h i s world and in 
the next. 

The Enemies of Marriage 
T h e m o s t m a l i g n a n t enemies of m a r r i a g e a r e those foul-minded 

educators who i n t e r p r e t all life in t e r m s of sex. P r o m t h e most 
delicate flower to the m o s t modest woman and t h e m o s t gallant 
man—they see sex in everything and e v e r y t h i n g in sex. Sigmund 
F r e u d is t h e i r m a s t e r , and his disciples a r e n u m e r o u s . It is t h e y 
who d e t e r m i n e the philosophy of life in t h e m a n y schools in which 
t h e i r theories a r e t h e norm of l e a r n i n g and the code of conduct. 

Small wonder t h a t t h e pernicious principles which t h e s e edu-
cators proclaim beget f r e e love and companionate m a r r i a g e — n e w 
n a m e s f o r t h e old sins of fornication and adultery. And m a n y a r e 
t h e young men and young women victims of t h e s e principles, young 
people whose early y e a r s w e r e full of promise but who h a v e come to 
know t h e pain and sorrow of broken, bleeding h e a r t s and blighted 
dreams. And d e b a u c h e r y continues because t h e r e a r e f a t h e r s and 
m o t h e r s who, though p e r h a p s overanxious about every a c h e and ill 
of t h e i r children's bodies, a r e a p p a r e n t l y unconcerned about t h e 
t r a g i c d e a t h of their children's souls. W h a t is wrong with young 
people t o d a y ? W h y is it t h a t morals have become lax? Look to t h e 
schools. T h e r e you have a n answer. And if you h a v e been so 
foolish a s to e n t r u s t t h e education of your children t o m e n and 
women whose principles of morality a r e in open conflict with the 
clear t e a c h i n g of t h e p u r e Christ, demand f r o m those e d u c a t o r s an 
account of themselves. It is t h e very existence of such schools 
t h a t m a k e s the Church demand a Catholic education f o r h e r children. 
To educators like Freud—and t h e r e a r e m a n y such in our secular 
schools—love and lust a r e i n t e r c h a n g e a b l e t e r m s ; but to you and 
to me and to God lust is a s different f r o m love a s sin is f r o m virtue, 

Courtship 

Marriage is b e a u t i f u l l y sacred, and so should be t h e courtship 
t h a t precedes m a r r i a g e . Days of courtship a r e t h e days of love's 
young dream, t h e days t h a t t e s t youth's c h a r a c t e r . Courtship m u s t 
be pure if it is to be h a p p y ; and p u r e and happy, it will provide t h e 
t e s t of c h a r a c t e r t h a t is n e c e s s a r y for a blessed and a happy 
m a r r i a g e . 



It is t r u e t h a t some people m a n i f e s t t h e ugly side of t h e i r 
c h a r a c t e r only a f t e r long y e a r s of m a r r i e d life. But a t least some 
indication of compatibility or incompatibility for marriage is m a d e 
m a n i f e s t during courtship. If a young m a n and a young woman 
c a n n o t get along agreeably before marriage, it is almost a c e r t a i n t y 
t h a t they will not get along a f t e r marriage. Never m a r r y with t h e 
idea of r e f o r m i n g your p a r t n e r . In all probability your idea will 
n e v e r materialize. Life j u s t doesn't work out t h a t way. 

Courtship is n e c e s s a r y in t h e light of marriage. The period of 
courtship should be n e i t h e r too long nor too short. It is absolutely 
n e c e s s a r y t h a t courtship be noble and pure. Only too f r e q u e n t l y 
an improper courtship r e s u l t s in an unhappy marriage. In order 
t h a t courtship may be all t h a t it should be, young men and young 
women m u s t know clearly t h e s t r e n g t h and the weakness of h u m a n 
n a t u r e . To t h i s end t h e y m u s t know well t h e history of t h e first 
man, Adam, and t h e first woman, Eve—the history of t h e fall and 
its terrible consequences. 

Before Adam Sinned 

Adam and Eve were our first p a r e n t s . God created t h e m 
directly and immediately and endowed them wonderfully in t h e 
order of grace. We were to h a v e been c r e a t e d in t h a t same wonder-
f u l state. But Adam sinned. W h e n God created Adam, H e gave 
him t h e s u p e r n a t u r a l destiny of heaven and four wonderful g i f t s . 
T h e first of t h e s e g i f t s w a s t h e s u p e r n a t u r a l g i f t of grace, which w a s 
to m a k e it easy for Adam to keep the simple command t h a t God 
h a d given to him. T h e o t h e r t h r e e g i f t s w e r e p r e t e r n a t u r a l , i. e., 
beyond n a t u r e , g i f t s t h a t , while not above h u m a n n a t u r e , w e r e in 
no way t h e j u s t due of the c r e a t u r e m a n . These g i f t s t h a t Adam 
had, we were to h a v e had. T h e t h r e e p r e t e r n a t u r a l g i f t s were 
immortality of body, which m e a n t t h a t we would n e v e r have suf-
fered physical pain and t h a t we would not h a v e been subject to 
d e a t h ; infused knowledge, which m e a n t t h a t we would h a v e been 
born with t h a t knowledge which we m u s t now labor to acquire; and 
freedom f r o m concupiscence, which m e a n t t h a t we would h a v e had 
p e r f e c t control over our sensual a p p e t i t e s and t h a t we would never 
have experienced t h e involuntary promptings of the flesh toward 
sins of impurity, d r u n k e n n e s s , and t h e like. If you read t h e Scrip-
t u r e s carefully, you will find t h a t it w a s a sin of pride t h a t preceded 
Adam's e x t e r n a l a c t of disobedience and t h a t eventually b r o u g h t 
about t h e f a l l 



After Adam Sinned 

W i t h Adam's sin came our m a n y troubles. W i t h t h e loss of 
freedom from concupiscence came t h e d a n g e r s t h a t surround court-
ship. Had sin n o t e n t e r e d t h e world, t h e r e would have been no 
l u s t f u l d a n g e r s in courtship and no r e a s o n f o r booklets of t h i s 
n a t u r e . But Adam sinned, and h e t h e r e b y lost f o r himself and for 
us t h e s e special g i f t s f r o m God. H i s destiny, heaven, r e m a i n e d and 
w a s t r a n s m i t t e d to us, b u t t h e s u p e r n a t u r a l g i f t of g r a c e w a s t a k e n 
away. But because of t h e m e r i t s of Christ, t h e possibility of g r a c e 
was not irrevocably removed. Through t h e m e r i t s of Christ we can 
reclaim those graces t h a t Adam lost for us. B u t t h e t h r e e preter-
n a t u r a l g i f t s t h a t w e r e given to Adam—immortality of t h e body, 
infused knowledge, and f r e e d o m f r o m concupiscence—were lost for 
us and will never be r e t u r n e d . Because Adam fell, m a n would h a v e 
to fight against sickness and finally yield to d e a t h ; h e would h a v e 
to struggle to e d u c a t e h i m s e l f ; h e would have to wage an i n c e s s a n t 
w a r against t e m p t a t i o n s to impurity and all o t h e r f o r m s of im-
morality. No longer would t h e a p p e t i t e s of t h e s e n s e s be u n d e r 
t h e p e r f e c t command of r e a s o n ; in order to s u b j e c t those appetites, 
m a n would have to exert relentless effort and call upon t h e g r a c e 
of God. Life was to be a w a r f a r e . With his intellect darkened 
and his will weakened because of t h e loss of those p r e t e r n a t u r a l 
gifts, m a n would h a v e t o call f r e q u e n t l y on t h e g r a c e of God and 
on his own h u m a n r e s o u r c e s in order to avoid t h e pitfalls of l u s t 
a n d of sin. 

The Effects on Courtship 

Foolish indeed is t h e young m a n or t h e young woman who fails 
to realize t h a t Adam's fall h a s surrounded courtship with ever-
p r e s e n t dangers. It is t r u e t h a t young women, well trained and 
with high ideals, a r e generally not so strongly t e m p t e d t h r o u g h con-
cupiscence as a r e men. But t h a t m a n h a s n e v e r lived — unless 
through a special g r a c e of God, such a s w a s given to a f e w saints— 
who is not always in d a n g e r ' s p a t h w h e n t h e r e is question of purity. 
H e n c e it is well f o r t h e young woman of today to be fully a w a r e 
t h a t h e r escort, no m a t t e r how good and well-intentioned h e may 
be, is t e m p t e d strongly, and a t t i m e s violently, against t h e holy 
virtue of purity. T h a t is t h e f a c t of t h e case, and all t h e sweet 
t a l k in t h e world cannot change it. Your escort, by simple r e a s o n 
of t h e f a c t t h a t h e is a m a n , is not different. He, like all o t h e r 
men, is subject to t h e destructive sweep of t e m p t a t i o n s against 
purity. And the b e s t m a n in t h e world, even if it is h e t h a t is your 
escort, is no exception. 



Lust and Love 

Two short words—love and lust—monosyllables, f o u r l e t t e r s 
each. How p o w e r f u l t h e y a r e ! How different one f r o m t h e o t h e r ! 
One is t h e denial of t h e other, m e a n s d e a t h to t h e other. For lust 
is truly the death of love. 

Love had its b i r t h in h e a v e n ; l u s t w a s conceived in hell. Love 
is v i r t u o u s ; l u s t is sinful. Love r a i s e s a m a n or a woman to holy 
h e i g h t s ; lust degrades a m a n or a woman to t h e level of t h e b r u t e 
beast, and even lower. T h i s is a h a r d saying, b u t n o t all t h e in-
genuity in t h e world will ever convert t h e r a n k weed of lust into 
t h e lily of purity. 

Love is t h e mighty weapon a g a i n s t concupiscence; lust is t h e 
cowardly s u r r e n d e r to concupiscence. Love is beautiful, noble, 
self-sacrificing, pure; it seeks the good of the beloved; t h e r e is n o t 
a selfish n o t e in t h e song of love. L u s t is hideous, base, selfish, 
impure; it seeks nothing outside itself. 

Love, if it is true, is p u r e and t h e r e f o r e t h e best p r e p a r a t i o n 
for m a r r i a g e ; it brings down t h e blessing of God upon a young 
m a n and t h e girl h e loves. Lust, since it can n e v e r be t r u e , is 
never pure and hence is t h e worst possible prelude to m a r r i a g e ; 
lust d r a w s down, not God's blessing, but God's displeasure. If 
through courtship a m a n and a woman a r e encouraged in purity, 
then love is t h e b a s i s of t h a t courtship and e n d u r i n g affection 
will be t h e r e s u l t ; if t h r o u g h courtship a m a n and woman a r e 
encouraged to impurity, t h e n lust is t h e foundation of t h a t court-
ship and evil and sin will be t h e result. 

Young people, especially young women, can n e v e r be too well 
instructed on this all i m p o r t a n t difference between love and lust. 
The two should never b e confused. Many a girl, once b e a u t i f u l 
in t h e eyes of God and of m a n because she w a s pure, can t r a c e 
her broken h e a r t and h e r wrecked life to h e r failure to realize 
the difference between lust and love. 

All t h e fine p r o m i s e s of affection, all t h e sweet expressions 
of e n d e a r m e n t t h a t a r e whispered to a girl a r e but lies and deceits 
of t h e vilest kind if it is lust t h a t p r o m p t s those expressions. 
E v e r y young m a n knows this. E v e r y young girl should know it, 
for in m a n y cases a girl's very ignorance in t h i s m a t t e r m a y lead 
h e r to t h e b r i n k of t h e danger. 

The young m a n who t r u l y loves a girl guards h e r p u r i t y almost 
jealously. H e would give h i s v e r y life to protect and p r e s e r v e it. 
And men of c h a r a c t e r , courage, and high ideals h a v e been known 



to do jusf t h a t very thing. Time was when to be a young woman's 
escort w a s to be t h e champion of her purity, t h e g u a r d i a n of h e r 
virtue. T h e r e a r e such men today, t h a n k God; and if their n u m b e r 
is not legion, it should be. 

Heaven and Earth Tell the Story 

T h e s t o r y of t r u e love is eternally b e a u t i f u l and inspiring. It 
is t h e love of t h e F a t h e r and t h e Son f r o m which proceeds the 
Holy Ghost. Love redeemed t h e h u m a n r a c e a f t e r Adam's sin had 
closed the g a t e s of h e a v e n to m a n k i n d . T h e way of Christ f r o m 
the crib to t h e cross—through Galilee, Samaria, and J u d e a — w a s a 
way of love, love for men and women, young and old, saint and 
s i n n e r ; love now for John, now for Mary Magdalen, now for M a r t h a , 
now f o r Dismas dying on t h e cross beside Him—love for you and 
for me. T h e g r e a t e s t love story in t h e world is t h e story of Christ 
on t h e cross. H i s w a s the supremely pure, courageous, and com-
pletely unselfish love. 

T h e love of a m o t h e r for h e r child is an example of exalted 
love. No one questions t h e essentially pure and self-sacrificing 
c h a r a c t e r of such a love. So too is t h e love between a good hus-
band and a devoted wife, f a i t h f u l through long y e a r s of sacrifice. 

T h e love of a soldier for his country is an example of genuine 
love. W e a r e all proud of t h a t splendid patriot N a t h a n Hale, whose 
dying r e g r e t w a s t h a t he had only one life to give for his country. 
T h e r e was no selfishness t h e r e ; h e had given his all. 

And so r u n s each story of t r u e love. All t h e g r e a t and noble 
achievements t h a t a r e recorded in the history of man h a v e been 
motivated and carried to completion by enduring, unselfish love. 

Love h a s always been t h e inspiration of all t h a t is good in 
the achievements of m e n ; it is lust t h a t h a s always w r i t t e n red 
pages of sin in m a n ' s record. W h e n lust ruled the world in the 
time of Noe, God s e n t t h e deluge and destroyed t h e e n t i r e h u m a n 
race except Noe and his family. God reduced to a s h e s t h e cities 
of Sodom and Gomorrha because of the lust of t h e i n h a b i t a n t s . 
The destruction of Tyre and Sidon b e s p e a k s f o r e v e r God's hatred 
of lust. 

N a t u r e herself h a s exacted p e n a l t i e s of destruction f r o m n a t i o n s 
t h a t exalted t h e vices of lust and trod on the v i r t u e s of p u r i t y : 
Golden Greece fell; proud Rome fell, victim of h e r vices (the 
l u s t f u l courtship of Antony and Cleopatra is but a single instance 
of t h e widespread immorality of t h e old R o m e ) ; F r a n c e , t h e 
country of t h e sainted c r u s a d e r King Louis IX, knew t h e pains of 

— 10 — 



p u n i s h m e n t when, u n d e r t h e guidance of de Pompadour and du 
Barry, she t u r n e d , h e r kingly palace into a brothel. And t h e world 
cannot n u m b e r t h e millions of m e n and women on whose lips the 
kiss of would-be love h a s t u r n e d to t h e cold gray a s h e s of lust. 
For lust is sin, and sin is a r u t h l e s s , exacting m a s t e r . 

Only for Catholics? 

For some unknown reason m a n y non-Catholics—and even some 
Catholics—hold t h a t t h e Church's s a n e and j u s t laws and r u l e s t h a t 
govern courtship and m a r r i a g e apply only to Catholics. Certainly you 
have o f t e n heard non-Catholics, and even Catholics, s a y t h a t it is 
h a r d to be a Catholic because of t h e Catholic t e a c h i n g on love in 
courtship and in m a r r i a g e . Well t h e f a c t of t h e m a t t e r is t h a t t h e s e 
laws on love and m a r r i a g e a r e j u s t a s binding on pagans and non-
Catholics a s t h e y a r e on Catholics. 

Let us t a k e t h e case of a Christian, one who believes in God 
and h a s been baptized. E v e n if h e looks to no ruling body f o r his 
guide in f a i t h , h e believes in t h e Bible. To m a n y P r o t e s t a n t s t h e 
Bible m e a n s everything—the one thing to which they cling. And 
t h e Bible is uncompromising in its condemnation of l u s t and im-
purity. Let t h e P r o t e s t a n t r e a d his Bible and learn its l e s s o n s : 
T h e r e is t h e story of t h e sin of Onan, the story of t h e deluge, t h e 
record of t h e complete d e s t r u c t i o n of Sodom and Gomorrha—all 
stories of sins of impurity and consequent p u n i s h m e n t s . 

T h e Catholic Church didn't w r i t e t h e T e n C o m m a n d m e n t s ; let 
the P r o t e s t a n t read particularly the sixth and the n i n t h command-
m e n t s (some P r o t e s t a n t s n u m b e r t h e s e c o m m a n d m e n t s a s the 
s e v e n t h and t e n t h ) , which clearly condemn lust. Certainly no 
P r o t e s t a n t can claim t h e slightest exemption f r o m the doctrine of 
p u r i t y which t h e Catholic Church teaches, t h a t doctrine which 
the P r o t e s t a n t can find clearly given in his Bible and in t h e Ten 
Commandments. 

But purity was made known to m e n even b e f o r e t h e r e w a s 
God's spoken or w r i t t e n word. T h e doctrine of purity h a s always 
been known to m a n t h r o u g h t h e n a t u r a l law—that law which is 
w r i t t e n in t h e l^eart of. every man, be he Catholic, P r o t e s t a n t , Jew, 
or pagan. It doesn't r e q u i r e much r e a s o n i n g f r o m t h e m o s t funda-
mental precepts of t h e . n a t u r a l law to realize t h a t a n y m a n who 
h a s t h e use of r e a s o n and even t h e slightest self-respect m u s t 
acknowledge t h a t p u r i t y and the consequent r e v e r e n c e and r e s p e c t 
due women is binding upon every h u m a n being. 

— 11 — 



Sadly enough t h e r e a r e Catholic girls who plead in d e f e n s e of 
t h e i r non-Catholic escort: "But, f a t h e r , h e i s n ' t a Catholic—he 
doesn't regard this a s sinful." But he does, and don't ever let 
him convince you t h a t h e doesn't. And if h i s s t a n d a r d s a r e such 
t h a t t h e y flout Catholic t e a c h i n g on love, t h e n h e is not fitting 
company f o r you or anyone else who lays t h e slightest claim to 
decency and self-respect. H e is rotten, and his company can mean 
only your ruin. 

This alleged difference of opinion figures prominently and works 
g r e a t havoc in cases of mixed m a r r i a g e s . T h e non-Catholic hus-
band or t h e non-Catholic wife m a y say to t h e Catholic: "Artificial 
b i r t h control is not wrong; t h e Catholic Church merely tries to m a k e 
you believe t h a t it is wrong. W e a r e going to h a v e only a s many 
children as we w a n t , and we a r e going to conduct our m a r r i a g e 
relations a s we please." T h e non-Catholic is wrong, and h e knows 
t h a t he is wrong. T h e law of God binds him a s it does you. Neither 
you n o r he is f r e e to b r e a k t h a t law. If you do b r e a k t h a t law, 
you a r e sinning and b a r r i n g f r o m your home t h e g r a c e a n d bless-
i n g s of God, for w h e r e sin is, God cannot be. Sin and God's presence 
a r e m u t u a l l y exclusive. W h e n sin e n t e r s a home, God m u s t leave 
t h a t home. W h e n God e n t e r s with H i s graces, sin m u s t leave. And 
the m a r r i e d couple, w h e t h e r or not t h e m a r r i a g e is a mixed m a r r i a g e , 
know t h a t they m u s t choose between God and sin. 

None of the Priest's Business 

T h e r e is t h e Catholic whose comment on sin in courtship or 
in m a r r i a g e i s : "I don't confess it b e c a u s e it is none of t h e p r i e s t ' s 
business." Such a person h a s closed all doors to God's g r a c e and 
to right living. Undoubtedly it is sin, and t h e forgiveness of sin 
is certainly God's business; h e n c e it is of necessity t h e business 
of t h e priest, whom God h a s appointed a s t h e mediator in t h e for-
giveness of all your sins. And t h e Catholic who conceals a serious 
sin like a sin a g a i n s t purity is guilty of a sacrilege and would have 
done b e t t e r if he had not come t o confession. F o r h e leaves t h e 
confessional with sin—and t h e knowledge of sin—on his soul 
and h a s t h e r e b y added one more t e r r i b l e sin to his guilt—the sin 
of sacrilege. And t h e communion which follows—if h e is brazen 
enough to receive Holy Communion in such a state—is the traitorous, 
sacrilegious communion of a J u d a s Iscariot, who, some say, received 
t h e body and blood of Christ b e f o r e h e departed into t h e night 
to execute his terrible- betrayal. Some maintain t h a t even J u d a s 
did not sink so low, t h a t h e l e f t t h e supper room b e f o r e committing 
t h e crime t h a t would h a v e been blacker t h a n his actual t r e a c h e r y . 

— 12 — 



If you have sinned with a n o t h e r in courtship or in marriage, a t least 
come back to Christ—and the road hack leads you to t h e f e e t of 
the priest, t h e a m b a s s a d o r of Christ. 

The Beauty of Purity 
"God made m a n a little less t h a n t h e angels." F o r t h e angels 

a r e p u r e spirits, and m a n is composed of spirit and matter—soul 
and body. But purity is the virtue t h a t m a k e s m a n g r e a t e r t h a n 
t h e angels. The angels h a v e n o need to fight i m p u r i t y ; m a n m u s t 
wage w a r a g a i n s t t h e sins of t h e flesh. So it is t h a t a m a n r i s e s to 
the g r e a t e s t h e i g h t s when he r e m a i n s p u r e in f a c e of t h e tempta-
tions of t h e flesh. 

God could choose H i s own m o t h e r ; and H e chose Mary, a young 
Jewish maiden p e r h a p s sixteen or seventeen y e a r s old, the p u r e s t 
of all women. John, t h e virgin Apostle, w a s t h e disciple "whom 
J e s u s loved." L i t t l e children, p u r e in t h e i r y o u t h f u l innocence, 
w e r e very d e a r to t h e m a s t e r . And those who would scandalize these 
p u r e little ones Christ t h r e a t e n e d w i t h t e r r i b l e punishments. 

In t h e successive t r i a l scenes in t h e Passion, Christ appeared 
b e f o r e many judges. T h e only one to whom Christ did not deign t h e 
courtesy of an a n s w e r w a s the l u s t f u l Herod. Christ spoke to t h e 
weak-kneed, time-serving Pilate, whose cowardice precipitated H i s 
crucifixion; but for t h e impure Herod H e had not a single word. 

Long is t h e list of the s a i n t s of God whose glory w a s t h e i r 
purity. They too had t e m p t a t i o n s , o f t e n g r e a t e r ones t h a n you or 
I h a v e had, b u t t h e s e s a i n t s h a d t h e courage and t h e love of 
purity t h a t b r o u g h t them in glory t o t h e t h r o n e of Christ in heaven. 
The pure a r e t h e y who will "follow t h e L a m b withersoever H e 
goeth." In t h e sermon on t h e m o u n t Christ said for all t h e world 
to h e a r : "Blessed a r e t h e clean of h e a r t , f o r t h e y shall see God." 
T h e lustful, t h e impure cannot see God because their eyes a r e 
riveted to t h e t h i n g s of t h e e a r t h ; they cannot raise t h e i r eyes 
to heaven because t h e i r h e a r t s a r e with t h e things of t h e flesh. 

T h e t h o u s a n d s of priests, sisters, b r o t h e r s , and lay m e n and 
women, m a r r i e d and single, young and old, throughout t h e Catholic 
world, serving Christ in purity of life, a r e t h e boast and glory of 
t h e Catholic Church. She points to them a s t h e flowering f r u i t of 
t h e Church t h a t is holy. They a r e t h e living proof t h a t t h e Church 
is divinely founded. 

Even p a g a n Greece and Rome paid homage to t h e ten v e s t a l 
virgins, women who because of t h e i r p u r i t y were chosen to keep 
t h e temple fires burning. R o m a n s who were decaying physically 

— 13 — 



and spiritually assigned t h e s e women a place of honor in t h e 
festivals. Rotten themselves, they had not fallen so low t h a t t h e y did 
n o t a t least a d m i r e and r e s p e c t v i r t u e in o t h e r s . And m a n y a r e 
those not of t h e Catholic f a i t h whose lives a r e holy, t h a n k God, 
in spite of t h e tragically f a l s e t e a c h i n g of their c h u r c h e s concern-
ing divorce, r e m a r r i a g e , and b i r t h control. 

The Place of Women 

In a n age t h a t e x a l t s t h e a c h i e v e m e n t s of men, women c a n 
well boast t h a t t h e f a i r e s t and finest c r e a t u r e , t h e m a s t e r p i e c e of 
all God's creation, w a s a woman, t h e Blessed Virgin Mary. The 
P r o t e s t a n t English poet W o r d s w o r t h paid Mary m a n k i n d ' s com-
pliment when h e w r o t e of h e r : 

" W o m a n ! above all women glorified, 
Our tainted n a t u r e ' s solitary boast, 
P u r e r t h a n foam on c e n t r a l ocean tossed . . ." 

God placed woman on a pedestal. H e did t h i s in order t h a t 
men would have to look up to see her. She was to be his inspira-
tion; she it was who would m a k e m a n look up to see h e r and 
thus see God, who m a d e her. 

How foolish for women to t a l k of t h e i r equality w i t h m e n . 
It is not a question of equality; it is r a t h e r a question of woman's 
place a s distinct f r o m m a n ' s place. And a s long a s she r e m a i n s 
there—on t h e somewhat h i g h e r plane on which God h a s placed 
her—she will be respected, admired, and loved. But when she 
falls, she f a l l s lower t h a n a man can fall, not t h a t t h e r e is a double 
s t a n d a r d of morality, but t h a t h e r fall h a s been f r o m a height 
g r e a t e r t h a n his. W o m a n m a i n t a i n s h e r position of honor only a s 
long a s she g u a r d s h e r modesty, h e r f a i r e s t a d o r n m e n t . But let 
her fall into t h e m i r e of lust and impurity, and t h e very m a n who 
was responsible f o r h e r fall will cease to love h e r and will leave 
her. The m a n who h a s stolen t h e maidenly virtue of a woman h a s 
never respected t h a t woman, even though he m a y have protested 
t h a t h e loved h e r . 

If h e loves h e r , h e m u s t r e s p e c t h e r ; his l u s t is t h e very 
denial of respect. T h e m a n who looks on a girl and l u s t s a f t e r 
h e r is t h e worst enemy of t h a t girl. W h e n will young girls come 
to u n d e r s t a n d and realize t h i s ? To young girls we give t h i s injunc-
tion: Set down a s lies of t h e vilest s o r t a n y words or actions of 
a young m a n t h a t lead you to be less modest. 

— 14 — 



His Sister 

W h e t h e r or not young women suspect it, every decent young 
m a n r e g a r d s his s i s t e r a s a paragon of v i r t u e ; of h e r h e will t h i n k 
nothing but w h a t is m o s t pure, m o s t good. To protect h e r virtue, 
h e would lay down his life. S i s t e r s sometimes get t h e impression 
t h a t t h e i r b r o t h e r s a r e indifferent toward t h e m ; p e r h a p s t h e y feel 
t h a t t h e i r b r o t h e r s r a r e l y give t h e m more t h a n a passing t h o u g h t 
or consideration. But t h e f a c t is t h a t every young m a n places his 
s i s t e r on a pedestal, and woe betide t h e m a n who looks a t h e r 
with l u s t f u l eyes. 

So every girl can t e s t t h e genuineness of h e r escort's affection. 
If the young m a n would be in t h e l e a s t improper in h e r presence, 
let h e r a s k him w h a t his feelings would be if on his r e t u r n home 
some evening h e found his sister being improperly embraced by a 
young m a n . If t h e escort is honest, h e will a d m i t t h a t his a n g e r 
would know no bounds. W h y ? Because in his h e a r t of h e a r t s h e 
knows t h a t such conduct a r i s e s f r o m lust, not f r o m love; h e knows 
t h a t such conduct will eventually lead to t h e ruin of his sister. 

L e t every young woman t h e r e f o r e demand of h e r escort t h e 
s a m e r e s p e c t t h a t h e demands t h a t other men have for his s i s t e r ; 
let every young m a n reverence t h e girl h e loves with t h e s a m e 
r e v e r e n c e t h a t he accords his sister. Such r e s p e c t is t h e life of 
t r u e love; t h e a b s e n c e of such r e s p e c t is t h e d e a t h of t r u e love. 

The Commandments of Purity 

T h e sixth and n i n t h c o m m a n d m e n t s deal exclusively with God's 
condemnation of impurity. T h e y forbid everything impure not only 
in act but also in word and in t h o u g h t . 

E v e r y m a n is confronted with many thoughts of impurity, 
t h o u g h t s t h a t h e h a s not invited. T h e s e h e m u s t fight i n s i s t e n t l y ; 
these h e c a n overcome with t h e grace of God and his own r e l e n t l e s s 
resistance. T h e s e t h o u g h t s come to him against his will; h e h a s 
no p a r t in t h e i r a t t a c k . So t h r o u g h his victory over t h e m he 
becomes one of God's heroes. 

But we a r e not talking h e r e of t h e s e t e m p t a t i o n s which come 
a g a i n s t t h e will; m a n y of God's g r e a t e s t s a i n t s h a v e had such 
t e m p t a t i o n s . W e a r e concerned h e r e with those t e m p t a t i o n s t h a t 
a r e of t h e m a n ' s or t h e girl's own making. Such t e m p t a t i o n s t h e 
man brings upon himself, or t h e y a r e brought upon him by t h e 
young woman who should w a n t h i m to be pure. How foolish and 
t r e a c h e r o u s is tli6 girl who by h.6r m a n n e r invites in h6r escort 

— 15 — 



conduct which spells t h e end of his and h e r purity—and t h e end 
of love. And i m p u r e t h o u g h t knowingly and willingly e n t e r t a i n e d 
is a m o r t a l sin.* 

Sin—an Angel Becomes a Devil 

Do n o t m a k e light of sin, n o t even sins of t h o u g h t . One sin 
of thought changed an angel into a devil. Before his f a l l L u c i f e r 
was serving close to t h e t h r o n e of God. H e sinned once, in t h o u g h t ; 
because of t h a t one sin of t h o u g h t L u c i f e r t h e angel w a s changed 
into L u c i f e r t h e devil. Adam sinned once—his first sin w a s one 
of thought—and because of t h a t sin all m e n lost heaven, and upon 
the world descended sickness, death, h a t r e d , war, pestilence, famine, 
and. all evil—all t h e r e s u l t of Adam's sin. Look a t your crucifix: 
It tells t h e story of sin. W e t h r o u g h sin put Christ t h e r e . We a r e 
t h e deicides; we killed t h e Son of God. Sins of courtship and of 
m a r r i a g e help to explain Good F r i d a y . 

What Does God Say About Impurity? 

Never let anyone tell you t h a t God's laws about courtship 
and m a r r i a g e apply only to Catholics. F o r m a n y P r o t e s t a n t s t h e 
Bible is t h e rule of f a i t h and morals. In the Bible, God says clearly: 

"Thou shall not commit adultery." (Ex. xx, 14.) 
" N e i t h e r Shalt thou desire his wife." (Ex. xx, 17.) 
" T h e body is not for fornication, but f o r t h e Lord, and 

t h e Lord for the body." (1 Cor. vi, 13.) 
"Know you t h i s and u n d e r s t a n d , t h a t no fornicator, or 

unclean, or covetous person . . . h a t h i n h e r i t a n c e in t h e 
kingdom of Christ and of God." (Eph. v, 5.) 

"If w h a t he charged her with be true, and virginity be 
not found in t h e damsel, t h e y shall c a s t h e r out of t h e doors 
of h e r f a t h e r ' s house, and t h e m e n of t h e city shall stone 
h e r t o death, and she shall die." (Deut. xxii, 20-21.) 

Not only a r e g r o s s actions of impurity f o r b i d d e n by God's 
c o m m a n d m e n t s ; not only a r e impure touches f o r b i d d e n ; but all 
impure t h o u g h t s and desires a r e also f o r b i d d e n . Read w h a t God 
h a s said about t h e s e : 

"How long shall h u r t f u l t h o u g h t s abide in t h e e ? " 
(Jer. Iv, 14.) 

•N. B. A word to t h e scrupulous: Always follow t h e advice of 
your r e g u l a r confessor. 

— 16 — 



"I made a covenant with my eyes, t h a t I would not so 
much a s t h i n k upon a virgin." (Job xxxi, 1.) 

"Dearly beloved, I beseech you a s s t r a n g e r s and pil-
grims, to r e f r a i n yourselves f r o m carnal desires which w a r 
a g a i n s t t h e soul." (I Pet. li, 11.) 

" F o r p e r v e r s e t h o u g h t s s e p a r a t e f r o m God." (Wis. I, 3.) 
"Evil t h o u g h t s a r e a n abomination to the Lord." (Prov. 

xv, 26.) 
"Wine and women m a k e wise m e n fall off." (Ecclus. 

xix, 2.) 

Never Forget This Text 
Should a young m a n and a young woman forget t h e laws of 

purity and t h e n seek to defend t h e i r lust with the pretext t h a t it 
is love, let t h e m r e a d and r e m e m b e r to t h e i r dying day t h e clear 
and terrible words t h a t Christ spoke on m a t t e r s of impure and 
l u s t f u l t h o u g h t s and desires. T h e following text, f r o m Saint 
M a t t h e w ' s Gospel, if memorized by every young person who Is 
keeping company, will help to keep t h e young m a n noble and 
c h a s t e and the young woman pure and good. Let those who indulge 
in passionate kissing, lustful embraces, "petting," "necking," and 
passionate "good nights" never forget these terrible words uttered 
by the ail-loving Christ. They are as true today as they were on 
the day that He spoke them in Galilee. They are a warning to 
every man and every young woman in courtship. In the text t h e 
word scandalize is used in the s e n s e of being an occasion of sin. 
The m e a n i n g is t h a t if your hand is a n occasion of sin to you, 
cut it off r a t h e r t h a n lose your soul. W e a r e t a u g h t to fly the 
immediate occasions of sin, though our desire for t h e m m a y be 
a s great as our need of a hand or a n eye. 

"But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to 
lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

"And if thy right eye scandalize thee, pluck it out and cast It 
from thee. For it is expedient for thee that one of thy members 
should perish, rather than thy whole body be cast Into hell. 

"And if thy right hand scandalize thee, cut It off, and cast it 
from thee; for it is expedient for thee that one of thy members 
should perish, rather than that thy whole body go Into hell." (Matt, 
v, 28-30.) 

Kissing 
Is kissing a sin? T h a t question is asked more f r e q u e n t l y by 

young women t h a n it is asked by young men. W h y ? Because girla 

— 17 — 



in t h e i r innocence do not see its d a n g e r ; young m e n do. Ninety 
per cent of t h e vilest sins of impurity—and t h a t is a conservative 
estimate—have had their beginning in kisses. 

Is kissing a sin? It is a m o r t a l sin knowingly and willingly 
to consent to impurity in deed, in word, or in thought. If kissing 
leads to such impurity, even of thought, it is without doubt a sin; 
and all the sweet t a l k in t h e world will n e v e r m a k e it otherwise. 
God h a s in t h e sixth and t h e n i n t h c o m m a n d m e n t s condemned all 
impurity, and t h e Church h a s promulgated H i s t e a c h i n g s through-
out t h e centuries. 

Is kissing a sin? A kiss of p u r e affection is not a sin, because 
it does not provoke the sins about which we h a v e been talking. 
But certainly prolonged passionate kissing or t h e kissing which 
is accompanied by a close, passionate e m b r a c e is generally a t 
least a serious occasion of m o r t a l sin, if it is not a l r e a d y grievously 
sinful. "Soul k i s s i n g " might be b e t t e r n a m e d "soul killing"; such 
a kiss with the tongues is a serious t h r e a t to a young m a n ' s purity, 
if it h a s not already steeped his soul in m o r t a l sins of t h o u g h t 
and desire. W e would h e s i t a t e to mention t h i s d e g r a d i n g practice 
h e r e if we did not desire t h e protection of countless young women 
whose very innocence of t h e strong passions of m e n can be t h e i r 
downfall. 

"Petting" and "Necking" 

A r e " p e t t i n g " and " n e c k i n g " s i n f u l ? In t h e light of t h e very 
clear c o m m a n d m e n t which b r a n d s as sin all impure thoughts, 
desires, words, and actions, t h e a n s w e r t o this question is very 
easy. It is f a t a l f o r a girl to f o r g e t t h a t t h e desires of t h e flesh 
a r e v e r y active in t h e young m a n with whom she is going. H e may 
i n s i s t t h a t " n e c k i n g " and " p e t t i n g " do not a r o u s e l u s t f u l desires 
in him. But h i s very denial of t h e s e d e s i r e s is a bare-faced lie, 
and his deception will steal f r o m you t h e very v i r t u e which can 
m a k e you t r u l y loved by a decent m a n . 

All p a s s i o n a t e e m b r a c i n g and kissing and all impure touches 
a r e m o s t certainly wrong. Let m e a s k young m e n and young women 
this q u e s t i o n : W h y will a young m a n touch a girl impurely? T h e r e 
i s only one a n s w e r to t h a t question—and every young m a n knows 
t h a t a n s w e r by h e a r t . He does so simply and solely b e c a u s e he 
derives a sexual pleasure f r o m it, a pleasure t h a t he knows is sinful. 
T h a t is t h e answer. And it is a n a n s w e r t h a t you young women 
m u s t know and n e v e r forget. F o r g e t it, and you sacrifice your purity, 
lower yourself in t h e esteem of decent men and women. And m o r e : 
T h e young m a n who h a s professed his love for you and acted im-

— 18 — 



purely with you no longer r e s p e c t s you, cannot t r u l y love you, 
and in all likelihood will never m a r r y you, because a young man 
w a n t s t h e girl he m a r r i e s to be pure. 

Young men, would you allow a young m a n to " p e t " or " n e c k " 
with your s i s t e r ? If you would, you a r e anything b u t t h e gallant, 
pure, virile m a n you should be. Young women, always go b a c k to 
t h i s t e s t : Never allow to t h e young m a n t h a t you a r e going out 
with a n y t h i n g t h a t h e would not allow to t h e escort of his own 
s i s t e r . And w h e t h e r or not h e admits it to you, h e would n o t allow 
any young m a n to degrade his own sister. 

It is wrong and sinful—considering t h e passions of men—to 
indulge in " p e t t i n g " and "necking." Do not seek excuse in t h e 
s t a t e m e n t : "But everybody does it." T h a t s t a t e m e n t is not t r u e . 
T h e r e a r e t h o u s a n d s of young women who do not allow a young 
man to touch them improperly. If you don't know such girls, t h e n 
it does not speak well f o r the circle of your f r i e n d s . And in a n y 
case no m a t t e r how your f r i e n d s and a c q u a i n t a n c e s conduct them-
selves, t h e f a c t r e m a i n s u n a l t e r e d : God forbids all impure thoughts, 
desires, words, and actions. T h e r e a r e many souls in hell today 
who s a i d : "But everybody does it," and forgot t o complete t h e 
s e n t e n c e : "and goes to hell if t h e sin Is not forgiven." 

Some young women h a v e said: "But a girl isn't asked out a 
second time if she doesn't allow t h e young m a n to act in t h i s 
way." T h e n t h a n k God t h a t such a young m a n does not a s k you 
out a g a i n ; t h e very f a c t t h a t he will not a s k you out again is 
proof positive t h a t he r e g a r d e d you only with lustful eyes. H e 
didn't love you; h e w a n t e d only to sin with you. And h e proves 
t h a t by t h e very f a c t t h a t h e does not w a n t to be with you if you 
wish to be decent. If sin is t h e price of his company, h e is n o t much 
of a m a n ; and you a r e a lucky girl if you n e v e r see him again. 

Drinking 

It is not a sin to drink, but it is always a sin to drink too 
much. The m a n or woman who loses t h e use of reason t h r o u g h 
excessive drinking commits a m o r t a l sin and thereby descends t o 
a level lower t h a n t h a t of t h e b r u t e beast. It is intellect t h a t 
distinguishes m a n f r o m t h e a n i m a l ; when a m a n paralyzes his in-
tellect, h e becomes lower t h a n the animal. But you will say:, I 
never do t h a t . We hope not, and f o r t h i s r e a s o n we shall deal h e r e 
with drinking t h a t does not end in d r u n k e n n e s s . 

— 19 — 



W h a t effect does drinking h a v e on c o u r t s h i p ? Drink adds 
f u e l to concupiscence; it i n c r e a s e s the f o r c e of t e m p t a t i o n s to 
i m p u r i t y ; it w e a k e n s t h e powers of the intellect; it lowers the 
r e s i s t a n c e of t h e will. Many a young m a n and young woman who 
normally would not t h i n k of lust have ruined t h e i r courtship and 
destroyed t h e i r love t h r o u g h drinking. The d a n g e r is ever p r e s e n t , 
and foolish a r e t h e young people who r e f u s e to see it and recognize 
it for w h a t it is. 

The prohibition t h a t w a s sponsored by t h e d e f u n c t E i g h t e e n t h 
A m e n d m e n t did n o t m a k e for v i r t u e ; t e m p e r a n c e and voluntary 
total a b s t i n e n c e a r e recommended and commendable. T h e man 
who does not d r i n k is neither w e a k nor effeminate. Quite t h e con-
t r a r y ; he is strong. And t h e girl who prizes h e r v i r t u e and de-
m a n d s self-respect will m a k e it a habit n o t to d r i n k when she is 
in the company of young men. Many a r e t h e young women whose 
saddened lives a t t e s t t h e wisdom of such a h a b i t . 

F o r young people to declare t h a t a p a r t y without highballs 
lacks goodfellowship and sociability is a s o r r y admission of stupidity. 
A maximum of education or social g r a c e is not required to c a r r y 
on a n i n t e r e s t i n g conversation without t h e stimulation of whiskey. 
F o r youth t o i n s i s t t h a t liquor i s essential to gaiety is f o r youth 
to brand itself with a m e n t a l s t a t u s t h a t is f a r down in t h e scale 
of intelligence. T h e " l i f e " of t h e p a r t y t h a t is inspired by high-
balls is too o f t e n t h e d e a t h of t h e soul. 

Parking 

Young people in parked automobiles have b r o u g h t about some 
of t h e world's g r e a t e s t t r a g e d i e s of immorality. How many p u r e 
young m e n and innocent girls h a v e fallen into impurity for t h e 
first t i m e in parked automobiles, w h e r e t h e sin lust is m i s t a k e n 
for t h e Virtue love. P a r k e d automobiles, scenes of p a s s i o n a t e kiss-
ing, "petting," and "necking," a r e veritable g r a v e y a r d s in which 
a r e buried t h e innocence and purity of t h o u s a n d s upon t h o u s a n d s of 
young m e n and young women. Such conduct is not prompted by 
love, because love is unselfish and seeks t h e good of t h e beloved; 
such conduct a r i s e s f r o m lust, t h e most selfish sin, which seeks 
impure self-satisfaction a t t h e expense of t h e goodness and v i r t u e 
of t h e so-called beloved. 

W e m u s t r e m e m b e r t h e story of t h e concupiscence of t h e flesh 
and t h e f a l l of m a n . Even u n d e r t h e m o s t f a v o r a b l e conditions 
every young m a n h a s to struggle to keep p u r e ; and certainly park-
ing for such purposes is a n y t h i n g b u t a favorable condition. God 
s a i d : " H e who loves t h e d a n g e r will perish In it." How well these 

— 20 — 



words apply to this situation. Young women, because they a r e less 
exposed to t h e t e m p t a t i o n s t h a n a r e young men, m u s t be m a d e to 
realize this danger. W h a t decent girl wishes to drag down into 
t h e mire of impurity t h e young m a n whom she loves? And y e t 
because she is less easily t e m p t e d t h a n is h e r escort, t h e girl fails 
to see t h a t she is destroying his v i r t u e and their love. She allows 
the young m a n to p a r k his automobile and to become passionately 
affectionate toward h e r ; lust is t h e inevitable consequence. And 
lust is t h e d e a t h of love. F o r when lust e n t e r s t h e h e a r t , love leaves; 

• and love is not n u r t u r e d by t h i s kind of parking. 

Good Night 

Next to parking, t h e most dangerous occasion to a pure court-
ship is t h e passionate good night between a young m a n and a young 
woman. They h a v e been in each other's company all evening, and 
their conduct h a s been honorable and virtuous. At t h e end of t h e 
evening's e n t e r t a i n m e n t t h e young m a n accompanies t h e girl to 
her home. I n s t e a d of bidding h e r good night when they a r r i v e a t 
her house, he accompanies h e r inside. T h e hour is l a t e ; other 
m e m b e r s of h e r family have r e t i r e d for t h e evening. The young 
m a n and t h e young woman a r e alone and unobserved. Such an 
occasion not only can be b u t often h a s been the ruin of a p u r e 
courtship. 

The young man, h a v i n g t h e most honorable intentions, may 
wish to kiss t h e girl b e f o r e h e leaves. H e intends t h e kiss to be a 
pure token of love. But child of Adam t h a t he is, h e will most 
probably be tempted to impurity unless he does not p r o t r a c t his 
stay. W h e n t h e kiss h a s become one of passion, when he lays 
an improper hand on t h e girl h e loves, h e is acting t h r o u g h lust 
and not love—he is sinning, though t h e girl m a y not a t t h e t i m e 
realize it. 

If t h e y wish to be in each o t h e r ' s company for a n o t h e r fifteen 
minutes or so, let t h e m prolong the evening's e n t e r t a i n m e n t t h a t 
much longer. But when they a r r i v e a t t h e young woman's home, 
let t h e m keep t h e good n i g h t f r o m becoming t h e black night of sin. 
Let t h e young m a n who e s t e e m s his v i r t u e and t r u l y loves t h e girl 
bid h e r good n i g h t a t t h e door and allow h e r to e n t e r alone. In 
this way each will be a protection f o r t h e other, and t h e i r love, a 
pure love, will increase. 

Do You Wish to Be Pure? 

W e a r e told in Scripture t h a t purity is a virtue which we c a r r y 
around with us in f r a i l vessels. In o t h e r words p u r i t y i s a v i r t u e 

— 21 — 



t h a t can easily be lost. To r e m a i n p u r e is a big t a s k ; it calls f o r 
t h e b e s t t h a t is in m a n and woman. Alone—without t h e g r a c e of 
God—we cannot accomplish t h i s t a s k ; with H i s g r a c e we a r e all-
powerful. 

W e obtain the g r a c e of God through prayer and t h e sacraments. 
In confirmation we a r e made soldiers of Christ, b u t we become 
weak and cowardly soldiers unless we n u r t u r e t h a t divine g i f t with 
p r a y e r and the f r e q u e n t reception of t h e s a c r a m e n t of confession 
and Holy Communion. Holy Communion is t h e "wine t h a t m a k e s 
virgins." Holy Communion m a k e s a young m a n s t r o n g and pure. 
To excuse yourself f r o m f r e q u e n t communion on the ground t h a t 
you a r e not w o r t h y is foolish. No one, not even t h e saint, is worthy. 
But Holy Communion isn't a r e w a r d for v i r t u e ; it is an essential 
m e a n s of becoming good and r e m a i n i n g good. Christ gave us Him-
self in t h e Blessed S a c r a m e n t as a n aid to v i r t u e ; we cannot be 
good without Him. And certainly young people in courtship need 
t h e Blessed S a c r a m e n t in order t o r e m a i n p u r e and to keep t h e i r 
innocent, honorable love f r o m d e g e n e r a t i n g into sinful, degrading 
lust. So receive Holy Communion f r e q u e n t l y — a t l e a s t once a week, 
every day if possible. This m a y r e q u i r e a sacrifice on your part, 
but e v e r y t h i n g good calls for sacrifice, and t h i s sacrifice will 
reward you a hundredfold. 

You Don't Wish to Be Pure Unless . . . 

The grace of God is n e c e s s a r y for you if you wish t o be pure, 
but you m u s t cooperate with t h a t g r a c e ; you m u s t dispose your 
will toward the reception of t h a t grace. Grace was not wanting 
to J u d a s Iscariot, yet h e r e f u s e d to cooperate with t h a t grace, be-
trayed Christ, and died in despair. 

This necessity f o r cooperation with God is something of which 
young people in courtship can never be too conscious. Avoid t h e 
occasions of sin. If you know t h a t someone or s o m e t h i n g is an im-
mediate occasion of sin for you, avoid t h a t person or thing. Reread 
Christ's words t h a t a r e quoted on page 17. 

T h e r e are many young people who receive t h e s a c r a m e n t s 
frequently, a t t e n d m a n y novena services, a t t e n d t h e T u e s d a y serv-
ices t o Our Lady of P e r p e t u a l Help, h e a r Mass and receive Holy 
Communion on first Fridays—all with t h e intention of not sinning 
against purity in t h e i r courtship. 

And yet very o f t e n t h e s e young people do not t a k e t h e clearly 
natural m e a n s a t t h e i r command to avoid t h e proximate and imme-
diate occasions of sinning a g a i n s t purity. T h e y wish to be p u r e ; 

— 22 — 



they pray to be p u r e ; and yet t h e y will p a r k t h e i r c a r in some 
lonely place and knowingly put themselves in d a n g e r of losing 
their purity. Or they will with f u l l knowledge of t h e consequences 
remain alone t o g e t h e r for a long time in the young w o m a n ' s home, 
indulging in conduct which, if not actually sinful, may be the 
proximate occasion of sin. They a t t e n d special church services 
and devotions, and t h e n they insist upon indulging in "petting," 
and "necking." Such people do not really will to be p u r e ; t h e i r 
plea for purity is a m o c k e r y ; t h e i r sorrow in confession is h y p o c r i s y ; 
and their Holy Communion, if t h e y a r e a w a r e of w h a t they h a v e 
been doing, is a sacrilege. 

W i t h t h e i r lips they pray for virtue, t h e y p r o t e s t t h a t they 
w a n t to be p u r e and good; but by their actions they proclaim t o 
all t h e s a i n t s in h e a v e n t h a t they will have nothing to do with 
purity. They p r a y to God f o r purity, and t h e n they expect Him 
to save t h e m f r o m sin when they knowingly and willfully place 
themselves in t h e i m m e d i a t e occasions of sin. Is it surprising then 
t h a t they fall? W h y it is a miracle if t h e y do not fall under such 
conditions. E v e n t h e s a i n t s could not remain pure under such 
conditions. 

The first, t h e absolutely n e c e s s a r y t h i n g t h a t these young 
people m u s t do is put a stop to parking t h a t leads to sin and to 
t h e good n i g h t s t h a t t u r n love to lust. And until young men and 
young women do this, t h e i r p r a y e r s f o r purity will continue t o be 
lies upon t h e i r lips. Unless young people stop all passionate kiss-
ing and embracing, all " p e t t i n g " and "necking," their p r o t e s t s for 
purity a r e so much hollow hypocrisy. 

Married Men and Women—Divorced Men and Divorcées 

It is always wrong to keep company with a m a r r i e d m a n or 
woman or with a divorced m a n or woman. Our p r e s e n t economic 
system h a s done some little good and much more h a r m by placing 
women in the offices of businessmen. It is of course t r u e t h a t t h e r e 
a r e in business offices t h r o u g h o u t t h e country many g a l l a n t m e n 
and honorable women who a r e a credit to t h e h u m a n race, b u t it 
is not of t h e m t h a t we speak. They h a v e no p a r t in t h e widespread 
moral ruin, in the b r e a k i n g of homes and h e a r t s t h a t h a v e followed 
upon w o m a n ' s t a k i n g a place in t h e business world. 

But t h e r e a r e men—and t h e i r n u m b e r is not small—who a r e 
quite willing to t a k e a d v a n t a g e of t h e f a c t t h a t some innocent girl 
h a s t h r o u g h economic necessity been, forced to w o r k for them. 
And hanging is too good for such men.,; ¡Frequently t h e y begin t h e i r 

— 23 — 



t r e a c h e r o u s a t t e n t i o n by offering t h e "courtesy" of a ride home 
or of a quiet lunch together. T h e r e is a c e r t a i n specious gallantry 
in a married m a n ' s t a k i n g his s e c r e t a r y home f r o m work, but such 
practice o f t e n leads to sin, and it is always dangerous. 

Wise and virtuous is the young woman who k e e p s h e r relations 
with h e r employer strictly businesslike and who limits those rela-
tions to t h e h o u r s of work. She h a s no t i m e and no inclination 
to listen to h e r employer's seductive lies about his " u n a p p r e c i a t i v e . 
wife," who of course n e v e r u n d e r s t a n d s him. T h a t s t o r y of t h e 
misunderstood h u s b a n d is a s old a s is the business world itself. 
T h e f a c t of t h e m a t t e r is t h a t such a self-pitying h u s b a n d is not 
worthy of his wife; she h a s more sense and more virtue t h a n he 
can e v e r hope to have. And even if t h e r e is a g r a i n of t r u t h in 
the stories, a girl is foolish to allow herself to listen to or to be 
affected by them. 

If she a c c e p t s t h e a t t e n t i o n s of a m a r r i e d man, she is commit-
ting a serious sin and is working upon herself one of t h e g r e a t e s t 
of i n j u s t i c e s . More; she is guilty of wrecking a home. L e t us re-
verse t h e picture. Suppose she herself were m a r r i e d . W h a t would 
she t h i n k of t h e young woman who accepted t h e a t t e n t i o n s of her 
h u s b a n d ? T h e f a c t t h a t a m a n or a woman h a s been civilly 
divorced does not m a k e a particle of difference in this situation. 
In t h e eyes of God m a n and wife a r e united for life; no civil decree 
can b r e a k t h a t p e r m a n e n t union. T h e r e f o r e it is seriously wrong 
to keep company with a divorced man or a divorcée. E v e n if no 
o t h e r sin is connected with such keeping of company, t h e r e is 
always t h e danger of sin or scandal. T h a t scandal a r i s e s f r o m the 
f a c t t h a t a single person is keeping company with a m a r r i e d person 
—and r e m e m b e r t h a t all divorced m e n and divorcées a r e included 
in t h e category of m a r r i e d m e n and women. 

T h e r e are too m a n y cases in which t h e company-keeping be-
tween a single and a divorced person h a s led to civil marriage— 
which is in such i n s t a n c e s j u s t a polite n a m e f o r t h e terrible sin 
of adultery. Don't s a y : "But t h e r e is no d a n g e r in my going with 
t h i s m a r r i e d person, because we a r e not serious about each o t h e r . " 
Thousands of young men and young women h a v e said t h e s a m e 
t h i n g b e f o r e you, and t h e i r " i n n o c e n t " f r i e n d s h i p s h a v e f r e q u e n t l y 
ended in a n a d u l t e r o u s m a r r i a g e . E v e n if you have no serious in-
t e n t i o n s of m a r r i a g e , even if t h e person with whom you a r e going 
t r e a t s you with p e r f e c t respect, you m a y n o t keep company with 
him or h e r , f o r t h e simple reason t h a t he or s h e is married. This 
advice applies especially to girls, not t h a t t h e r e is a double s t a n d a r d 
of morality, but t h a t t h e innocent girl is t h e one who is duped. 

— 24 — 



L e t m a r r i e d men and women, even though divorced, recall t h e 
solemn pledge they made a t t h e a l t a r of God when t h e y w e r e 
m a r r i e d ; let the young men and young women who would keep 
company with these m a r r i e d people consider t h e sacred c o n t r a c t 
t h a t was made between husband and wife. T h e v e r y memory of t h e 
words of t h a t pledge should show you u n m i s t a k a b l y w h a t is wrong 
with such company-keeping. H e r e a r e t h e words t h a t a r e spoken in 

^ marriage, a s binding throughout all life as t h e y a r e on t h e happy 
' d a y on which t h e y a r e s p o k e n : 

"I, , take thee, ..-. for 
my lawful wife (husband), to have and to hold, from this 
day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, 
in sickness and in health, until death do u^ part." 

A Real Man 

This section is particularly for young men. You know w h a t 
we mean when we say t h a t a c e r t a i n boy h a s " w h a t it t a k e s " to 
m a k e a football player or a basketball player or a n y other kind of 
an athlete. In t h e language of t h e football field we say t h a t h e h a s 
"guts." And by t h a t we mean t h a t a certain boy is game, t h a t h e 
h a s courage, t h a t h e is a r e a l m a n ; we m e a n t h a t he is not a 
quitter, he is not "yellow," h e is not a coward.! Every boy a d m i r e s 
the m a n who h a s t h i s courage; every boy despises t h e m a n who 
doesn't have it. 

But t h e young m a n who h a s courage on t h e football field may 
be the biggest quitter in t h e g a m e when it comes to t h e fight for 
purity. It sometimes h a p p e n s t h a t the g r e a t e s t hero of t h e football 
field is the g r e a t e s t coward when it comes to a game t h a t requires 
real manhood. It t a k e s f a r more courage for a boy to fight with 
p e r s e v e r a n c e against impurity t h a n it t a k e s "to hit t h e line" against 
a tough football t e a m . T h e football hero is cheered by t h o u s a n d s 
of people; t h e hero in the g a m e of purity m a y be unknown to t h e 
t h o u s a n d s in t h e stands, but h e is cheered by the millions of u n s e e n 
angels in heaven and is acclaimed a hero by his captain Christ. 

Yes, only a real m a n can be p u r e ; only a young m a n who is 
tough in t h e good s e n s e t r e a t s a girl with respect. It doesn't t a k e 
courage to be impure. T h e most spineless, cowardly m a n in the 
world can be—and usually is—impure. T h e g r e a t e s t r a k e , t h e 
most cowardly m a n who ever lived, can m a t c h you sin of impurity 
for sin of impurity. But t h e r e is no credit in t h a t , no decency, no 
manhood, no courage. On the c o n t r a r y , impurity s t a m p s a m a n a s 
a quitter, "yellow," spineless—in a word, a coward. 

— 25 — 



T h e t o u g h e s t boys a r e t h e pure boys; and don't t h i n k t h a t 
other boys don't a d m i r e t h e m for t h a t purity. In order to be tough 
in t h e good sense you don't h a v e to be a n a t h l e t e , or weigh two 
h u n d r e d pounds, or t a l k out of t h e corner of your mouth. But you 
do have to be a p e r f e c t g e n t l e m a n and every inch a m a n . You 
m a y be sickly, anemic, a n y t h i n g b u t athletic, but you a r e none-
theless made of real stuff; you h a v e w h a t it t a k e s to be a real m a n . 

Cadet Byrne 

Cadet B y r n e of W e s t Point w a s a thorough athlete, physically 
and morally. In 1909, in his senior y e a r a t W e s t Point, Cadet Byrne 
w a s t h e s t a r t a c k l e on t h e A r m y team. Came t h e day of t h e big 
game against H a r v a r d . In t h e course of t h e game Cadet Byrne 
stood out on t h e line as a wall of s t r e n g t h . P e w y a r d s w e r e made 
through him. T h e n he w e n t down, i n j u r e d on a play. But h e got 
up and stayed in t h e game. The next play came his way. As usual 
he w a s in on it. For t h e second t i m e h e w e n t down, i n j u r e d , but 
t h i s t i m e n e v e r to r i s e again; his n e c k w a s broken. H e was carried 
f r o m t h e field, and h e died shortly a f t e r . 

E v e r y cadet a t t h e Point w a s heartsick, for " E a s y " Byrne w a s 
well loved. H e w a s a Catholic who all his life had been known to 
live up to his high principles. W h e n e v e r and w h e r e v e r Cadet Byrne 
appeared t h e r e w a s no dirty talk, no questionable story—and h e 
w a s admired f o r t h i s influence t h a t h e wielded. H e w a s n ' t " s o f t " ; 
he w a s tough in t h e s e n s e of virtue. 

H i s f u n e r a l is a hallowed memory a t W e s t Point. H i s body 
lay in s t a t e in t h e little Catholic chapel, w h e r e fellow c a d e t s stood 
guard throughout t h e day and t h e night. The H a r v a r d t e a m came 
down to pay him homage. H e w a s given a full military f u n e r a l , and 
t h e n his body w a s s e n t for burial to his home town, Buffalo, New 
York. B e f o r e t h e body w a s t a k e n f r o m t h e chapel a t W e s t Point, 
the cadets filed p a s t t h e coffin, and each one laid upon it a white 
carnation, in token of Cadet Byrne's purity—a public t r i b u t e to a 
boy w h o was "clean," a Galahad of God. 

Ernie Schaaf 

Every young m a n who r e a d s t h e sports pages is familiar with 
the n a m e E r n i e Schaaf. Schaaf w a s among t h e h i g h e s t r a n k i n g 
heavyweights of a few y e a r s ago. H i s l a s t fight w a s with C a m e r a . 
A blow t h a t h e received during t h a t fight produced a blood clot 
on his brain. While doctors battled to save his life, his m a n a g e r , 
Johnny Buckley, t e a r s in his eyes, nervously paced t h e corridors, 

— 26 — 



summing up t h e many fights t h a t E r n i e had fought in the " r i n g " of 
his soul and had won. Buckley, b e t t e r t h a n anyone else, knew t h a t 
E r n i e was clean, pure. 

J o h n n y Buckley loved E r n i e Schaaf as a son—because he was 
clean. " H e w a s one of t h e finest, cleanest young fellows I h a v e ever 
known," Buckley had said. " H e was a devout Catholic and decent 
in every way." Buckley also disclosed t h e f a c t t h a t Schaaf, a week 
before his fight with C a m e r a , had flown to Brighton, a quiet suburb 
n e a r Boston, and had a t t e n d e d a r e t r e a t f o r laymen, spending 
several days in p r a y e r and meditation. 

E r n i e Schaaf w a s tough. Ask those who fought with him. But 
he w a s tougher in the r e a l fights of life. H e lived and died a clean, 
pure man. It t a k e s a real fighter to do t h a t . 

Jack Cahalan 

Every school boy knows t h e story of t h e Holy Grail, t h e chalice 
or cup t h a t Our Lord used a t t h e L a s t Supper. The k n i g h t s of 
King A r t h u r ' s Round T a b l e w e n t in quest of t h e Holy Grail, but 
it could be seen only by those who were pure. The knight who 
was "pure and without r e p r o a c h , " who caught a sight of t h e holy 
chalice, w a s Sir Galahad. And T e n n y s o n h a s him s a y : "My s t r e n g t h 
is as the s t r e n g t h of t e n because my h e a r t is pure." Sir Galahad 
was the only one of King A r t h u r ' s k n i g h t s who saw t h e Holy Grail, 
but t h e r e a r e boys living today who qualify for t h a t vision. 

J a c k Cahalan was within a f e w w e e k s of receiving his A. B. 
degree f r o m the U n i v e r s i t y of Detroit. H e w a s a good s t u d e n t and 
prominent in many college activities. H i s c l a s s m a t e s o f t e n wondered 
how he found t i m e for his m a n y scholastic i n t e r e s t s . One evening 
during t h e last week of April, 1932 (he was, you see, a young m a n 
of your own t i m e ) , h e went out to a college e n t e r t a i n m e n t . H i s 
companion was a splendid girl whom he had known since grade-
school days. On t h e i r way home a blinding r a i n s t o r m overtook them. 
A huge t r u c k r a n into t h e i r c a r and i n s t a n t l y killed both of t h e m . 
They were both buried f r o m t h e s a m e church a t a requiem Mass. 

The following l e t t e r Is quoted a t length because it contains 
some b e a u t i f u l lessons—not only in purity but in o t h e r v i r t u e s 
t h a t characterize a son and a Catholic f a t h e r . Little did t h e f a t h e r 
t h i n k t h a t one day tjiis very personal l e t t e r would a p p e a r in print. 
T h e l e t t e r was w r i t t e n in a n s w e r to a l e t t e r of condolence f r o m a 
priest, a lifelong f r i e n d of t h e family. 

— 27 — 



Dear F a t h e r : May 25, 1932 

I have no news. E v e r y t h i n g goes on much t h e same. It is 
n a t u r a l to f o r g e t one's troubles, I suppose. T h e r e w a s a time when 
I t h o u g h t t h a t to f o r g e t w a s cruel. But now I see t h a t it is God's 
good way. One cannot live constantly w i t h t h e dead. Many Masses 
a r e being said for J a c k in our parish church. My wife and I t r y to 
a t t e n d them all. If we m u s t r e m e m b e r , we shall t r y to do so in 
prayer. 

No one of course can j u d g e t h e p u r p o s e s of God. But one can 
try to r e a s o n things out, since r e a s o n is God's g r e a t g i f t to m a n . So I 
look back over J a c k ' s career, and I find a g r e a t and wonderful 
consolation in t h e f a c t t h a t h e w a s a good boy. H e was careful, 
very c a r e f u l of his purity. T h i s I know, for h e and I talked things 
over many times. H e h a d a j u s t pride in his wonderfully made 
body. He spent much time in developing his young s t r e n g t h , but 
he kept t h a t body clean. H i s scholastic activities, h i s physical 
exercises were all indulged in strenuously with one p u r p o s e : H e 
wanted to be so busy t h a t h e would not h a v e t i m e to sin. It was 
this m o r e t h a n a n y g r e a t worldly ambition t h a t spurred him o n ; 
and I, his f a t h e r , know t h i s to h a v e been so. 

Now t h e n h e r e is how I look a t it—or a t l e a s t t r y to look a t 
it. H e was j u s t on t h e threshold of life. Up to t h e time of his 
death he had been uniformly successful in all his activities, spiritual 
and m a t e r i a l . W h y t h e n c a n ' t I get down on my k n e e s and t h a n k 
God t h a t H e took h i m when H e did? Surely life could not h a y e 
improved him for God. I know and you know how h a r d and difficult 
it is g e t t i n g to be to live a s t r a i g h t life in t h i s world. I am not 
pessimistic, b u t we cannot disregard t h e signs t h a t a r e all about 
us. W e a r e worse t h a n t h e Romans, for we h a v e a Christian tradi-
tion of n i n e t e e n h u n d r e d y e a r s behind us, and y e t we a r e bigger 
hypocrites t h a n t h e p a g a n s were. I h a v e five boys and one girl, 
and I sometimes s h u d d e r when I t h i n k of t h e world t h a t t h e y a r e 
coming to know. J a c k w a s lucky always, even in death. Well good-
bye, f a t h e r , and God bless you f o r your i n t e r e s t in him. 

Sincerely yours, 
JACK. 

T h e above l e t t e r n e e d s no comment. It s t a n d s as a testimony 
of t h e honor and r e g a r d t h a t a decent m a n h a s for a n o t h e r m a n who 
is clean and pure. Realizing this, how can a girl allow a young 
m a n to be a n y t h i n g b u t pure and clean in h e r company, p u r e in 
thought, in desire, in word, in act—in short a gentleman because 
a real m a n ? 

— 28 — 



A Model Courtship 

T h e r e is t h e story of Billy, a boy who died in F r a n c e . He was 
a b r a v e young m a n who w a s serving our country during t h e World 
W a r . H e was a good soldier because h e was fearless—being pure, 
he had nothing to f e a r . T h e Catholic chaplain of his r e g i m e n t 
found him dead in "No Man's Land." T h e following letter, thumb-
worn f r o m much reading, w a s found in his wallet. The l e t t e r was 
w r i t t e n by his fiancée, in t h e United States. 

Dear Billy: 
You will be able to be proud of me because I shall possess the 

most b e a u t i f u l robe t h a t a girl can wear, t h e stainless robe of 
purity. To you I shall be a s b e a u t i f u l and as p u r e a s a lily. Let us 
pray for our vocation, f o r I feel too w e a k to b e a r t h e heavy re-
sponsibilities of a Catholic wife. L e t us ever be united in the 
Sacred H e a r t of J e s u s , whom we both love. H e will keep us good 
and help us . . . . 

W i t h love, 
MARGARET. 

Small wonder t h a t Billy loved t h i s girl. She is t h e kind of 
girl t h a t a r e a l m a n loves; t h e r e can be no l u s t in affection for 
such a girl. She ban be your ideal, young w o m e n ; follow her lead, 
and your courtship will be one of love, a courtship respected by 
m a n and blessed by God. 

T h e i r s w a s a love like t h e p u r e love of Sara and Tobias, so 
beautifully told in t h e Book of Tobias, in t h e Old T e s t a m e n t . Well 
m i g h t e v e r y young m a n and young woman r e a d the account of 
t h a t m a r r i a g e , so generously blessed by God. In t h a t sacred story 
we r e a d t h a t 

. . T h e y who in such m a n n e r r e c e i v e matrimony, a s to shut 
out God f r o m t h e m s e l v e s and f r o m t h e i r mind and to give them-
selves to t h e i r lust, . . . over t h e m t h e devil h a t h power." 
(Tob. vi, 17.) 

And l a t e r on we r e a d t h e b e a u t i f u l account of Tobias's greet-
ing to his b r i d e : 

". . . W e a r e children of saints, and we must n o t be joined 
together like h e a t h e n s t h a t know not God. 

"So they both arose, and prayed e a r n e s t l y both t o g e t h e r t h a t 
h e a l t h might b e given t h e m . 

"And Tobias s a i d : Lord God of our f a t h e r s , m a y t h e h e a v e n s 
and t h e e a r t h , and t h e sea, and t h e fountains, and t h e rivers, and 
all t h y c r e a t u r e s t h a t a r e in them, bless t h e e . 

— 29 — 



"Thou m a d e s t Adam of t h e slime of t h e e a r t h , and gayest him 
Eve f o r a helper. 

"And now, Lord, thou knowest t h a t not for fleshly lust do I t a k e 
my s i s t e r [cousin] to wife, but only for the love of posterity, in 
which thy n a m e may be blessed for ever and ever. 

" S a r a also s a i d : H a v e mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on 
us, and let us grow old both t o g e t h e r in h e a l t h . " (Tob. viii, 5-10.) 

Clothes Do Not Make the Man—Or the Woman 

Clothes do not m a k e t h e man, n o r do silks and s a t i n s m a k e the 
woman. Many young women who a r e well dressed and who possess 
the m a n n e r of t h e court a r e a n y t h i n g but d e c e n t ; by t h e same token 
many girls who a r e poor and a r e forced to do t h e most menial serv-
ices in order to m a k e a living a r e queens of good conduct a n d of virtue. 
W h e n a girl r e d u c e s h e r courtship to h a b i t u a l lust, she lowers 
herself to t h e level of t h e most common girl. T h e socially promi-
nent woman who commits sins of impurity is a s b a s e a s is t h e 
fallen woman who m a k e s h e r living by such sin. And a girl's 
claim t h a t she is in love with h e r p a r t n e r in sin and t h a t h e is t h e 
only one with whom she improperly conducts herself does not in 
the least degree change t h e n a t u r e or lessen t h e g r a v i t y of t h e 
sin. If a young woman who is sinning a g a i n s t purity finds con-
solation in the f a c t t h a t a p r o s t i t u t e is more promiscuous t h a n she 
is, t h a t young woman h a s already lowered herself to t h e level of 
fallen women. T h e sin is in each case t h e same—impurity. Neither 
of the two young women is p u r e ; n e i t h e r one h a s t h e l e a s t decency 
or self-respect; both a r e common; t h e y a r e s i s t e r s in sin; t h e y 
a r e poor in virtue. The r i c h e s t girl, t h e most p e r f e c t young woman 
is she who is rich in purity though poor in m a t e r i a l things. 

Secret Sins 

T h e r e a r e no secret sins; God is always with us, and H e sees 
our every t h o u g h t and action. So to speak of a s e c r e t sin is to 
use a misnomer. Anyone, m a n or woman, even though m a r r i e d , 
commits a grievous sin a g a i n s t p u r i t y when h e or she touches 
himself or herself f o r t h e purpose of deriving sexual self-gratifica-
tion. Such sins can and do a t t i m e s grow t o be h a b i t s t h a t a r e 
very hard to break, and sad is t h e soul t h a t is c a u g h t in such a 
tangle. A r e g u l a r confessor, f r e q u e n t reception of communion, and 
prayer, joined to unceasing efforts a g a i n s t t h e t e m p t a t i o n a r e t h e 
s u r e s t way to victory. 

A n o t h e r g r e a t help is t h e crucifix. Have a r o s a r y or a small 
crucifix with you a t all times. W h e n t e m p t a t i o n comes to you, 

— 3Q — 



hold your crucifix or t h e cross on your r o s a r y and say to yourself: 
"Dear J e s u s , you died because you love me. W h e n I sin with my-
self, I deny you, because you cannot be with me when I indulge 
in t h i s sinful pleasure." As long a s you hold t h e cross in your 
h a n d you will not crucify Christ for t h e pleasure of impurity. Hold 
f a s t to your crucifix, and you will not sin. 

T r i b u t e s to Purity 

S h a k e s p e a r e w r o t e : 
" W h a t s t r o n g e r b r e a s t p l a t e t h a n a h e a r t u n s t a i n e d ! " 
"Lilies t h a t f e s t e r smell worse t h a n weeds." 

Milton s a n g of p u r i t y : 
"So d e a r to heaven is saintly c h a s t i t y 
T h a t when a soul is found sincerely so 
A thousand liveried angels lackey h e r . " 

T h o m a s Nelson Page, in his introduction to t h e life of the 
chivalrous Robert E. Lee, w r o t e : 

" T r u t h , simply stated, like chastity in a woman's face, 
is its own b e s t a d v o c a t e ; its simplest p r e s e n t a t i o n is its 
s t r o n g e s t proof." 
T e n n y s o n w a s t h e troubadour of t h e p u r e : 

" W e a r i n g the w h i t e flower of a blameless life." 
"Live pure, speak true, r i g h t wrong, follow t h e King— 
Else, w h e r e f o r e b o r n ? " 
" E y e s of a pure woman, wholesome s t a r s of love." 
"My good blade c a r v e s t h e casques of men, 

My tough lance t h r u s t e t h sure, 
My s t r e n g t h is as t h e s t r e n g t h of ten, 

Because my h e a r t is pure." 
T h e i r song is b u t a n o t h e r n o t e in t h e melody of praise t h a t 

all decent m e n and women sing to t h e pure of h e a r t . And t h e i r 
song is but a f a i n t echo of t h e praise of t h e God of purity, who says : 

"Oh how b e a u t i f u l is t h e c h a s t e g e n e r a t i o n with glory. For 
the memory thereof is i m m o r t a l ; because it is known both with 
God and with men. . . . It t r i u m p h e t h crowned for ever, winning 
thé r e w a r d of undefiled conflicts." (Wis. iv, 1, 2.) 

"Dearly beloved, I beseech you a s s t r a n g e r s and pilgrims, to 
r e f r a i n 'yourselves f r o m c a r n a l desires which w a r a g a i n s t t h e 
soul."f(I Pet, ii, 11.) • •• . . 



"Evil thoughts a r e an abomination to t h e L o r d : and p u r e words, 
most beautiful, shall be confirmed by Him." 

" H e t h a t loveth cleanness of h e a r t , for t h e g r a c e of his lips 
shall have t h e king for his f r i e n d . " (Prov. xxli, 11.) 

"Give not thy m o u t h t o cause thy flesh to sin." (Eccle. v, 5.) 
"No price is worthy of a c o n t i n e n t soul." (Ecclus. xxvi, 20.) 
"Blessed a r e t h e clean of h e a r t ; f o r they shall see God." 

(Matt, v, 8.) 

Unreasonable Wives 

For a girl to expect t h e young m a n whom she m a r r i e s to pro-
vide h e r with all t h e conveniences and luxuries which she had in 
h e r own home is very unreasonable. T h e m a n of h e r choice is 
young; in all likelihood h e is j u s t beginning h i s c a r e e r and is not 
in t h a t financial position w h e r e he can provide his young wife 
with t h e s a m e m a t e r i a l conveniences t h a t h e r f a t h e r provided for 
her. Moreover the girl probably had a position b e f o r e she w a s 
married, and her b r o t h e r s and s i s t e r s w e r e probably working too. 
Obviously a young m a n cannot provide t h e luxuries t h a t t h e girl's 
personal and f a m i l y income made possible. If t h e girl is not ready 
to m a k e m a n y sacrifices in h e r marriage, she should m a r r y a King 
Midas, or she shouldn't m a r r y a t all. 

Working Wives 

T h e place for a wife is in t h e home, not in one of t h e offices 
of the business world. If the young m a n ' s income is not sufficient 
for two people, t h e young couple should not get m a r r i e d . T h e girl 
should not plan to work a f t e r she is m a r r i e d — t h i s in f a i r n e s s to 
t h e children who in God's providence m a y come. A f t e r all t h e 
p r i m a r y purpose of m a r r i a g e is t h e procreation of children. 

To use artificial m e a n s to p r e v e n t t h e conception of children 
is a grievous s i n ; you can't live t h a t way. And young people who 
m a r r y with the intention of t h u s p r e v e n t i n g t h e conception and 
the b i r t h of children until they can afford t h e m h a v e no business 
g e t t i n g m a r r i e d until t h e y c a n afford t h e m . T h e young woman 
who m a r r i e s w i t h t h e intention of using artificial b i r t h control in 
order t h a t she can continue t o work is committing a m o r t a l sin. 
She and h e r h u s b a n d a r e guilty of t h e crime of Onan, and God's 
p u n i s h m e n t to Onan w a s d e a t h : "And t h e r e f o r e t h e Lord slew 
him, b e c a u s e he did a d e t e s t a b l e thing." 

T h e practice of r h y t h m or periodic abstinence—this is some-
t h i n g completely different f r o m artificial b i r t h control, which calls 

— 32 — 



f o r positive p r e v e n t i v e m e a n s and h e n c e is always sinful. T h e 
r h y t h m theory calls f o r a b s t i n e n c e f r o m t h e exercise of t h e 
m a r r i a g e r i g h t s during those t i m e s of t h e m o n t h when conception 
is most likely t o t a k e place. A good Catholic doctor can advise 
you about this theory. But m a r r i e d people should not practice t h e 
r h y t h m theory unless they h a v e a good reason. Your confessor is 
t h e b e s t j u d g e of t h e validity of your reason. T h e p r i m a r y pur-
pose of m a r r i a g e is t h e b e a r i n g and t h e r e a r i n g of children. If young 
people intend to use t h e i r m a r r i a g e r i g h t s and sinfully to prevent 
the b i r t h of children when t h e y could h a v e them, why do they get 
m a r r i e d ? 

Let u s stop f o r a m i n u t e on t h i s question of being able t o afford 
children. E a c h of five p r i e s t s whom I know (I a m one of t h e m ) 
comes f r o m a f a m i l y so large t h a t t h e total n u m b e r of children in 
t h e five families is fifty-eight. Two of t h e children in each family 
have religious vocations. T h e p a r e n t s in those families couldn't 
afford children, but t h e y had t h e m ; and with t h e children came 
t h e very g e n e r o u s blessings of God. But r e m e m b e r t h i s : While 
God and t h e Catholic Church say nothing about how m a n y children 
you m u s t or m a y or should have, God and t h e Church do most 
emphatically s a y t h a t you m a y not commit sin in order to limit t h e 
n u m b e r of children you have. T h e law a g a i n s t b i r t h control was 
n o t m a d e by the Catholic Church; let no m a n tell you t h a t it was. 
T h i s law is j u s t a s binding on every P r o t e s t a n t , J e w , and pagan 
a s it is on every Catholic. 

L e t t h e young h u s b a n d and t h e young wife be proud of t h e 
children t h e y b r i n g into t h e world. And let t h e blush of s h a m e 
d y e t h e face of those who question or look scornfully upon those 
young people who a r e r e a r i n g children, t h o s e couples who h a v e a 
g e n e r o s i t y and love of v i r t u e t h a t a r e unknown to those who 
criticize. Be proud of t h e children you have. 

Childless Couples 
Be v e r y slow to criticize m a r r i e d couples who have no chil-

d r e n . Not I n f r e q u e n t l y t h e i r childlessness is their g r e a t e s t cross. 
To t h e i r sorrow God does not bless t h e m with children, and t h a t 
through no f a u l t of t h e i r own. In t h e s a m e way it h a p p e n s t h a t 
good p a r e n t s through no f a u l t of t h e i r own m a y have only one child. 

Many a r e t h e childless couples who h a v e prayed continuously 
to be blessed with children. God in H i s providence h a s seen fit t o 
send them none. It is well f o r young m a r r i e d people to know t h a t 
o f t e n a very simple surgical operation or medical a t t e n t i o n of some 
kind can m a k e it possible for t h e woman to b e a r children. F o r 

— 33 — 



t h i s r e a s o n and for many o t h e r s select for your family a good Cath-
olic doctor whom you can feel f r e e to consult in this m a t t e r and in 
similar m a t t e r s . I say a good Catholic doctor, because too fre-
quently non-Catholic doctors advise procedure t h a t is in direct 
violation of t h e law of God. 

T h e r e a r e m a n y childless couples who, unable to h a v e children 
of t h e i r own, h a v e generously adopted children f r o m foundling 
homes. Such couples usually adopt i n f a n t s , and with t h e y e a r s they 
come to look upon t h e s e children a s t h e i r own. T h e children, 
n e v e r h a v i n g known t h e i r own p a r e n t s , accept t h e love of their 
f o s t e r p a r e n t s . How d e a r to God a r e those good m e n and women 
who, though deprived of t h e realization of t h e i r g r e a t e s t hope, 
their own children, have gone t h r o u g h m a r r i e d life, childless or 
with adopted children, resigned to God's will. 

Mixed Marriages 

Mixed m a r r i a g e s don't work, and t h a t for m a n y reasons. Per-
h a p s t h e one who is least readily convinced of t h i s is t h e woman 
or t h e m a n who is t h e child of a mixed m a r r i a g e . H e or she will 
tell you t h a t his or h e r home w a s definitely an exception. Don't 
try to fool yourself, a s many h a v e tried, by s a y i n g : "But J o h n is 
different," or " R u t h is different." T h e f a c t s prove t h a t in almost 
every case of mixed m a r r i a g e he or she is not different and 
the m a r r i a g e is a failure. F o r every one successful mixed m a r r i a g e 
t h e r e a r e h u n d r e d s t h a t a r e sad or t r a g i c failures. 

The first question t h a t arises is t h e question of children. Too 
f r e q u e n t l y t h e non-Catholic wishes t o use s i n f u l m e a n s to p r e v e n t 
the b i r t h of children; a n d you c a n ' t live t h a t way. And if t h a t 
question arises, w h a t a r e you going to do about i t ? You a r e 
married, and f o r e v e r ; your h u s b a n d or your wife r e f u s e s to permit 
you to live in t h e only way in which you can be happy—God's way. 

Then t h e r e is t h a t most i n t i m a t e thing in your life, t h a t most 
i m p o r t a n t thing, your faith, which to the non-Catholic o f t e n m e a n s 
little or nothing. If your m a r r i a g e is blessed with children, t h e r e 
arises t h e question of Catholic education. Countless non-Catholics 
in mixed m a r r i a g e have, in spite of t h e promises t h e y signed, re-
fused to allow t h e children to be educated in Catholic schools. 
" T h e public school is good enough; it's c h e a p e r anyway," t h e y 
say. Yes; costs less, if you do not consider your children's possible 
loss of f a i t h . You m a y think t h a t t h i s will n o t h a p p e n to your 
children, but t h e f a c t is t h a t t h e children of mixed m a r r i a g e s much 
too f r e q u e n t l y a r e lost to t h e Catholic f a i t h . 

— 34 — 



Again you m u s t realize t h a t as your children approach t h e age 
of reason and t h e t i m e of t h e i r first communion t h e y will a s k t h e 
non-Catholic p a r e n t a t h o u s a n d questions. And t h e non-Catholic 
will be unable to a n s w e r those questions because h e does n o t under-
s t a n d t h e Church. Let us t a k e a n example: T h e child is t a k i n g 
p a r t in the Holy T h u r s d a y procession. T o you, who have t h e f a i t h , 
t h e sight of your child with t h e h u n d r e d s of other white-robed chil-
dren is t h e g r a n d e s t and h a p p i e s t moment of your life, and a s 
C h r i s t in t h e Blessed S a c r a m e n t p a s s e s along t h e aisle, you a s k H i m 
to bless you and your f a m i l y ; t h e e n t i r e procession h a s a deep and 
precious significance f o r you. To t h e non-Catholic p a r e n t this serv-
ice is j u s t so much m u m m e r y . Again how different is your a t t i t u d e 
t o w a r d C h r i s t m a s and t h e Christ Child in Holy Communion f r o m 
t h e a t t i t u d e of your non-Catholic p a r t n e r . 

Now let us consider t h e viewpoint of the non-Catholic. Is it 
f a i r for t h e Catholic to w a n t to m a r r y him when she knows t h a t 
t h e r e a r e m a n y things t h a t h e will not u n d e r s t a n d , many things 
t h a t he will p e r h a p s come to r e s e n t ? It is b e t t e r for t h e non-
Catholic to m a r r y one who s h a r e s his religious convictions. It is 
a l m o s t impossible for t h e Catholic in t h e i n t i m a t e m a t t e r s of home 
life to m e e t t h e non-Catholic even h a l f w a y . And if t h e non-Catholic 
r e f u s e s to live t h e Catholic way, n e i t h e r p a r t n e r in t h e m a r r i a g e will 
be happy. So when t h e Catholic Church says to h e r children, 
" M a r r y your own," she is opposing mixed m a r r i a g e s for t h e sake 
of the non-Catholic and t h e Catholic alike. 

Getting Married 

You should h a v e a r e g u l a r confessor. H e will be able to 
counsel and advise you, to protect you in your courtship, and to 
i n s t r u c t you on t h e obligations of m a r r i e d life when t h e time comes. 
Certainly young people, especially young women, should be informed 
of t h e obligations t h e y a r e a s s u m i n g in m a r r i a g e and should be 
told w h a t is r i g h t and w h a t is wrong in m a r r i e d life. 

They should be m a d e t o realize t h a t when they a r e m a r r i e d 
t h e y will be living in a s t a t e of life—and a very holy one—entirely 
d i f f e r e n t f r o m the single s t a t e . T h e y should be informed t h a t in 
m a r r i a g e t h e y m a y do m a n y t h i n g s t h a t were forbidden to t h e m 
in courtship, actions in themselves good, actions t h a t God blesses 
only in t h e m a r i t a l s t a t e . Many crosses, many sacrifices come in 
m a r r i e d life, and t h e intimacies of m a r r i e d life a r e p l e a s u r e s w i t h 
which God c o m p e n s a t e s h u s b a n d and wife. Not only a r e t h e s e in-
timacies not wrong in t h e m a r r i e d s t a t e but t h e y a r e good actions 

— 35 — 



which of themselves lead to t h e fulfillment of t h e p r i m a r y purpose 
of m a r r i a g e . And a s t h e teaching of God clearly indicates, t h a t 
m a k e s all t h e difference in t h e world. 

During your days of courtship receive the s a c r a m e n t s fre-
quently and avoid t h e occasions of sin. In t h i s way you will be 
cooperating with God's will for you. In t h i s way you cannot m a k e 
a m i s t a k e ; you will not sin; your courtship will be one of t r u e 
love; your m a r r i a g e will be blessed by God. 



THE CHURCH'S LAWS ON MARRIAGE 
In the eyes of the Church and of God marriage is a very holy and 

sacred union. Marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament, that 
is it is a means of grace. Marriage between two unbaptized people, though 
not a sacrament, is something very sacred. Realizing the sacredness and 
the importance of marriage, the Church places safeguards around this very 
holy contract and enacts laws concerning it. Only those Church laws that 
more particularly concern you are set down here. 

Necessary Arrangements for Marriage 
Notify the Pastor. See your pastor at least two months before the 

date that you have set for your marriage. The young man and the young 
woman should together call on their respective pastors and inform them 
of their intention of being married. Arrangements for the marriage must 
be made, and they cannot be made on short notice. 

Place of the Marriage. If the bride is a Catholic, the marriage is 
celebrated in her parish church; if she is not a Catholic, the marriage is 
usually performed in the rectory of the groom's parish church. The pastor 
of the church in which the marriage is to take place has jurisdiction over 
the marriage: no priest will marry a couple unless he has permission and 
delegation from the pastor who has this jurisdiction. Ordinarily no pastor 
will perform the marriage ceremony unless he has permission from the 
pastor of at least one of the parties to the contract. 

Time of the Marriage. If you wish to be married at a nuptial 
Mass, you must arrange your marriage so that it will not occur during 
Advent or Lent—i. e., from the fourth Sunday before Christmas to Christ-
mas Day or from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. Only for serious 
reasons will the bishop grant permission for the celebration of a nuptial 
Mass during these times. 

Baptismal Records. You or the pastor must get your baptismal 
records from the church in which you were baptized. Catholics who have 
not been confirmed should be confirmed before they are married, unless 
there is a reason for postponing confirmation. In that case the Catholic 
should avail himself of the first opportunity to be confirmed. The pastor 
will arrange the details. 

Catholic Attendants. Since they are the official Church witnesses, 
the bridesmaid and the groomsman must be Catholics. This rule applies 
only to these two members of the wedding party. (Catholics should not 
be the "attendants" at a non-Catholic wedding without the consent of the 
bishop of the diocese.) 

— 37 — 



Marriage License. The pastor must be sure that the parties have 
obtained a civil marriage license. The license must be obtained in some 
county seat in the state in which the marriage is to be celebrated. In 
some states the man and the woman must pass a physical examination 
before they can obtain a marriage license. 

Proclamation of Banns. Banns are the announcements that are 
made in church to the effect that two persons (the name of each is 
mentioned) intend to marry. T h e banns are read on three successive 
Sundays. Banns will be further explained in the next general section. 

Consent of the Parents. Except for very serious reasons no priest 
will officiate at a marriage without the consent of the parents of both 
parties, unless each party is twenty-one years of age or unless, in the case 
of younger persons, there is a very serious reason for not obtaining this 
consent. Even if each is twenty-one years of age, the consent of the parents 
is generally expected, unless there is a reason why it cannot be obtained. 

Necessary Instruction and Freedom From Impediments. The pastor 
must make sure that both parties are free to be married, |R e„ that neither 
party is prohibited by reason of an impediment. He must make certain 
that neither party is already married—a civil divorce, does not break a 
marriage bond. He must make certain that neither party is being forced 
into the marriage through fear of threats made by parents or by anyone 
else. He must be sure that both parties are sufficiently instructed in their 
religion, that they know that they are to be married for life, and that for 
them civil divorce will not for any reason whatsoever permit remarriage. 
He must instruct them in the primary purpose of marriage—the procreation 
and education of children. He must be sure that they understand what 
is forbidden in and what is proper to married life. 

MIXED MARRIAGES—Necessary Instructions. T h e pastor must 
obtain a dispensation for the Catholic who wishes to marry a non-Catholic. 
If they can afford it, the parties to a mixed marriage usually make an 
offering of five or ten dollars to the chancery office when the dispensation 
is obtained. This offering is not a purchase price; it is merely a reasonable 
sum of money to help defray the expenses of maintaining the chancery 
office. In many dioceses the pastor is required to give six instructions to 
the non-Catholic before a dispensation can be obtained. The pastor 
explains the nature and the obligations of the married state, the essentials 
of the Catholic faith, and the demands which this faith makes on both 
the Catholic and the non-Catholic. This is done not only in fairness 
to the Catholic but also in fairness to the non-Catholic, who must be 
made to see before marriage the obligations that he or she is assuming in 
marrying a Catholic. Moreover the pastor must explain clearly the nature 
and the obligations of the promises which the non-Catholic must sign 

— 38 — 



before marriage to the Catholic; Every diocese requires that the non-
Catholic party in the marriage contract sign two promises: 1—that the 
Catholic party will be allowed complete freedom in the practice of his 
or her faith; 2—that all the children of the union will be baptized and 
educated in the Catholic faith alone (the Catholic party must also make 
this second promise). In some dioceses it is required that additional 
promises also be signed. Such additional promises concern matters that 
are of serious obligation. Even if the diocese does not make these matters 
subject for signed promises, both parties are bound to be loyal to them, 
e. g.: 

The couple may not have' another marriage ceremony' performed— 
either before or after the Catholic ceremony—in the presence of a non-
Catholic minister or a justice of the peace. (In certain foreign countries 
where a ceremony before a civil magistrate is demanded for civil effects, 
the Church allows a ceremony before a civil magistrate in addition to the 
Catholic ceremony.) 

The Catholic party is obliged prudently to encourage the non-Catholic 
party to embrace the Catholic faith, this to be done by prayer, counsel, 
and good example. 

T h e couple may not use sinful means toward birth prevention. 

The couple must recognize that their marriage is indissoluble (once 
they have used their marriage rights), that a second marriage for either 
one of them is impossible while the first partner is still living. 

The non-Catholic must promise that in the case of death of the 
Catholic party the children of the union will be educated in the Catholic 
faith. 

Confession and Holy Communion. If a Catholic marries with mortal 
sin on his soul, he has committed a sacrilege, even though his marriage is 
valid (good), and he receives no grace from the sacrament of matrimony 
until he recovers the state of grace, either through confession or through 
an act of perfect contrition with the intention of going to confession as 
soon as possible. But even apart from the question of mortal sin, the 
good Catholic will want to go to confession and to receive Holy Com-
munion in order that his or her soul will be in the most perfect state on 
the occasion of receiving the great and holy sacrament of matrimony. In 
the case of a mixed marriage the Catholic party or the pastor should 
prudently assist the non-Catholic to make an act of perfect contrition so 
that he or she will begin married life in God's grace and friendship. And 
in order that God's grace may always be present it would be well for the 

— 39 — 



Catholic prudently to encourage the non-Catholic to recite daily the act 
of perfect contrition. 

N. B. Realizing these necessary arrangements that must be made 
for marriage, you can clearly see why it is important that you see your 
pastor early enough before your marriage. You ought to see him at least 
two months before your marriage and inform him of your intentions. 

The Banns 
The banns are the announcement of a promise of marriage between 

two Catholics. The banns are not announced in the case of a mixed 
marriage; the pastor obtains a dispensation from the reading of the banns 
when he obtains the dispensation for the mixed marriage. T h e banns are 
generally announced at the same Mass on three successive Sundays— 
usually at high Mass, if there is a high Mass in the church. The banns 
are read in the parish church of each party. You have probably heard 
banns read; they are worded somewhat as follows: "There is a promise 
of marriage between Mary Smith of this parish and John Brown of Saint 
Anne's Parish." 

These banns must be read. If for some reason they cannot be read, 
a dispensation must be obtained from the bishop or from his representative. 
Though young people often regard the reading of the banns as an em-
barrassment, they are read for the protection of both the young man and 
the young woman who intend to be married. Should there be any reason 
why the marriage should not take place, the banns provide an opportunity 
for the prevention of the marriage. Mere embarrassment should not make 
you request a dispensation from the reading of the banns; they are part 
of the Church law that governs the sacrament of matrimony, and the 
Church wishes the law to be fulfilled. You can easily attend an early 
Mass, one at which the banns will not be read. 

Time of Marriage — Nuptial Mass 
The marriage may take place on any day of the year. But unless 

you obtain the special permission of the bishop, you may not, during the 
season of Advent—from the first Sunday of Advent until Christmas, 
inclusive—or during the season of Lent—from Ash Wednesday to Easter 
Sunday, inclusive—be married at Mass with the nuptial blessing. 

The nuptial blessing is a special prayer and blessing for the bride. 
It is given during the canon of the Mass, immediately after the Pater 
Noster. The blessing is not given outside of Mass. The bride receives 
this blessing only once; therefore a widow who marries again does not 
receive this blessing at her second marriage if she has received it at the 
first. If a girl does not receive the blessing at the time of her marriage, 
she may receive it at any time after her marriage—but of course during 
Mass. 

— 40 — 



A Catholic should want to be married at Mass and to receive the 
nuptial blessing. The bride and the groom should receive Holy Com-
munion during the nuptial Mass, though this is not necessary. Certainly 
nothing is more beautiful and more strengthening than is a real Catholic 
marriage. Incidentally the priest is the Church's witness to the ceremony; 
the bride and the groom are the real ministers of the sacrament; one 
administers it to the other. The marriage takes place when both parties 
give tbeir mutual consent before the Mass is said: everything done after 
the actual marriage is done to invoke God's graces and blessings on the 
newly married couple. 

The bride and the groom who receive Holy Communion at the 
nuptial Mass entertain Christ as their first guest; He is the first to con-
gratulate them, the first to bless them. And as long as the couple keep 
Him first in their home, they will be happy. What finer sight than a 
young couple frequently together at Holy Communion—every Sunday 
throughout the years of their married life. Such a marriage is a Catholic 
marriage. When God sends them children, the man and the woman may 
not be able to go to Mass and communion together, but each will go. 
Christ loves the newly married couple. At the request of His mother 
He anticipated His time of miracles in order that His first miracle—the 
changing of water into wine—should take place at a marriage feast, the 
feast of Cana. 

Place of Mixed Marriages 

Mixed marriages may not be celebrated at Mass. They are usually 
celebrated in the parish rectory. They may not be celebrated in private 
homes without the express permission of the bishop; and except for the 
gravest reasons such permission is not given. Where the bishop permits, 
mixed marriages may be held in the church, but not at Mass. Your pastor 
will guide you in this matter. Your pastor knows the custom of the 
diocese, and you should follow this custom. At a mixed marriage Mass 
is not said and the nuptial blessing is not given. The Catholic should 
however go to confession and receive Holy Communion before the mar-
riage. It is not necessary to go to Mass and receive Holy Communion 
before the marriage, but certainly it is highly commendable to do so. 

You Must Be Married Before a Priest 
9 

A Catholic, whether he or she marries a Catholic or a non-Catholic, 
must be married before an authorized priest. A justice of the peace or a 
non-Catholic minister cannot perform a valid marriage ceremony for a 
Catholic; in the eyes of the Church and of God such a marriage is purely 

— 41 — 



and simply not a marriage; in the eyes of the civil authorities the parties 
are married, but in the eyes of God they are living in sin. And the strange 
thing is that some Catholics—many of them should know better—think 
that even though they did not fulfill the Church's requirements for marriage 
they are really married. The fact remains that in the eyes of God they 
are not married and hence under pain of sin may not live together. 

It is true that before April 19, 1908, in certain places and under 
certain conditions Catholics could be validly married without a priest's 
witnessing the ceremony. But since that time the Catholic Church states 
that a Catholic must be married before a priest if the marriage is to be 
valid. An exception to this law would obtain in a place like Russia, 
from which Catholic priests have been exiled. But where a Catholic 
priest is available, the Catholic must abide by this Church law. 

Incidentally the Church does recognize as valid those marriages that 
are entered into between two Protestants or between a Protestant and an 
unbaptized person (the latter case since May 19, 1918) or between two 
unbaptized persons—whether such marriages are celebrated before a justice 
of the peace or before a Protestant minister. 

Bat you, a Catholic, whether you marry a Catholic, a Protestant, a 
Jew, a pagan, or a person of any other creed or cult, must be married 
before an authorized Catholic priest if your marriage is to be valid. Never 
forget this. 

You Are Not Married if 

There are certain cases in which a marriage ceremony has been per-
formed before a priest and still there is no marriage. Such marriages are 
said to be invalid. An invalid marriage is no marriage. The following 
are examples: 

A marriage is invalid if one or both of the parties do not know at 
least this much: that marriage is a permanent union of husband and wife 
and that the primary purpose of marriage is the bringing of children into 
the world through the exercise of the marriage rights, which the contracting 
parties in the marriage give to each other. 

The fact that a girl does not know the entire extent of the marriage 
rights does not invalidate the marriage: if she has a general knowledge of 
the marriage rights, that is sufficient. The girl's mother, father, confessor, 
or pastor should however make certain that the young woman fully 
understands the obligations that she is assuming. Before her marriage 
every girl should most decidedly have a thorough talk with one of the 
persons mentioned above. Not a few married women have made them-
selves unhappy because they did not have such a talk before their marriage 

— 42 — 



Mothers and fathers should talk to their children who are contemplating 
marriage—but in the vast majority of cases parents shirk that duty. So 
the best advice to give young people, especially young women, is: Ask 
your confessor or your pastor to tell you the general facts about the mar-
riage rights; this delicate matter is all-important for every young person 
who is planning to be married. 

A marriage is invalid if before marriage one or both parties by a 
positive act of the will exclude each other's right to the proper use of the 
marriage rights, or exclude the birth of children, or exclude the unity of 
marriage (one wife and one husband), or exclude the indissolubility of 
marriage (the marriage tie cannot be broken if the parties are validly 
married and have lived together as husband and wife, i. e., have at least once 
used their marriage rights of intercourse). In the eyes of God a civil 
divorce does not break the marriage bond; therefore divorced people cannot 
marry anyone else. 

A marriage is invalid if the consent of one or both parties was 
extorted through violence or fear so grave that one or both parties had 
no choice but to submit to the celebration of the marriage. The fear or 
violence must be not only grave but unjustly brought about or imposed 
by a person and must be of such a nature that the party or parties were 
obliged to submit to the marriage in order to escape the serious evil 
threatened. Even reverential fear (fear of parents) might in certain cir-
cumstances be enough to constitute a grave fear that would make the 
marriage invalid. In other words both parties to a marriage contract 
must give free consent to the marriage if the marriage is to be valid. Forced 
consent invalidates a marriage. 

A marriage is invalid if one party decides or both parties agree to 
use sinful means to avoid having any children, or that they may be 
divorced, or that one or both may lead a double life—commit adultery. 
Adultery does not invalidate the marriage; but if before the marriage both 
parties agree to permit one or both to practice adultery, the marriage con-
tract is invalid. 

Impediments to Marriage 

A matrimonial impediment is a serious obstacle to marriage. Such 
impediments are of two kinds: prohibitive and diriment. A prohibitive 
impediment is that under which marriage is forbidden under pain of 
mortal sin, unless a dispensation from the impediment is obtained. In 
this case, however, the marriage is valid, provided the other necessary 
conditions have been fulfilled, e.g., marriage before a priest. The second 
kind of impediment, the diriment impediment, is that under which a 
marriage is not only forbidden but is invalid—not a marriage—unless a 
dispensation has been obtained. 

— 43 — 



Prohibitive Impediments 

The simple vow of virginity or perpetual chastity; a vow not to 
marry; a vow to become a priest or a religious. People who are living 
in the world and who have bound themselves by any of the above-
mentioned vows can arrange to have a dispensation from this vow through 
their confessor or pastor. 

Mixed religion is another prohibitive impediment. By mixed religion 
is meant that one of the parties to the marriage contract is a Catholic and 
the other party is a baptized member of another faith. This is a pro-
hibitive impediment; however the marriage of two such people is invalid 
unless it takes place before a Catholic priest. A dispensation from this 
mixed-religion impediment must be obtained before a priest will witness 
the marriage of two such people. 

Legal adoption is another prohibitive impediment in some states. 
If in a particular state a man or a woman is forbidden to marry someone 
that he or she has legally adopted, the Church forbids it too; the Church 
follows the state in this matter. ( C f . page 46.) 

Diriment Impediments 

A diriment impediment is one that makes a marriage invalid—no 
marriage—unless a dispensation from the impediment has been obtained. 
It is clear that there are certain diriment impediments from which a man 
or a woman can never be dispensed; for example a man can never get a 
dispensation to marry his own sister. 

In the following paragraphs we list some of the diriment impedi-
ments. Only those are listed that might ordinarily occur. We have 
already spoken of cases in which there is no marriage because there is a 
defect inherent in the marriage contract or because the marriage was not 
celebrated before a priest (if either one of the parties is Catholic). (Cf. 
pages 41, 42, 43.) 

A previous valid marriage is a diriment impediment to another mar-
riage. T w o Catholics who have been validly married and who have lived 
as man and wife—have used their mariage right of intercourse at least 
o n c e — c a n never be dispensed from their marriage. Not even the Pope 
could issue a dispensation from such a marriage. 

The Pauline Privilege. Catholics are sometimes surprised to 
learn that the Catholic Church has allowed converts to the Church 
who have been married before their conversion to be remarried after 
their conversion. Such a person may have been validly married before 
his conversion, but acting on the words of St. Paul (it is from him 
that we derive the name Pauline privilege), in certain cases the Holy 
Father declares that the previous marriage bond is dissolved. Such 

— 44 — 



a case might obtain where both patties to the first marriage were 
unbaptized in any church or where one party was unbaptized and 
the other is only doubtfully baptized. We- say doubtfully because 
it may be that the minister did not use the proper matter and form 
when he administered the baptism. If such an unbaptized or doubt-
fully baptized person wishes to become a Catholic and the other 
party to the first marriage is unwilling to live in peace with the 
person so converted, the Catholic convert may marry again. The 
pastor will attend to all the necessary details in such a case and will 
arrange with the proper Church authorities for the obtaining of a 
decision. 

The sacrament of holy orders is a diriment impediment to marriage; 
priests cannot marry. In the various Oriental rites (e. g., Greek Uniates— 
not the Greek Orthodox, who are in schism) of the Catholic Church priests 
who were married before they received holy orders may live as married 
men after they have been ordained. 

Solemn vows taken in religious orders properly so called constitute 
a diriment impediment to matrimony. 

Disparity of worship is another diriment impediment to matrimony. 
Disparity of worship would prevent marriage between a Catholic and a 
person who has not been baptized validly in any church. T o marry such 
a person, the Catholic must obtain a dispensation. Disparity of worship 
is not the same as the impediment of mixed religion, which calls into 
question marriage between a Catholic and a person who has been baptized 
validly in another faith. In this latter case too dispensation should be 
obtained before the Catholic and the unbaptized person can marry. In 
both cases the marriage is invalid unless it is celebrated before a priest. 

Abduction of a woman (by a man) and violent detention of a 
woman (by a man) for the purpose of marriage are both diriment impedi-
ments to marriage. 

Adultery (one or both parties to the adultery being already married) 
combined with either the mutual promise of marriage or the attempt at 
marriage in church or before a justice of the peace is a diriment impediment 
to marriage. Before two such people on the death of husband or wife can 
be validly married to the partner with whom the sin has been com-
mitted, a dispensation must be obtained from the impediment that they 
have contracted. 

Blood relationship to the third degree inclusive in the collateral line 
is a diriment impediment to marriage. Brothers and sisters are related 
in the first degree of collateral line, first cousins in the second degree, second 
cousins in the third degree, etc. Brother and sister can never get a dispen-
sation to marry each other; cousins may get a dispensation from the im-
pediment of blood relationship. 

— 45 — 



Affinity, that is, relationship through marriage to the second degree 
inclusive, is a diriment impediment to marriage. Thus on the death of 
his wife a man cannot'without a dispensation marry his deceased wife's 
sister, aunt, niece, or first cousin. 

If two people were invalidly married, e. g., Catholics married by a 
justice of the peace, on the death of one party to that marriage contract 
the other could not without a dispensation marry anyone of the blood 
relations to the second degree inclusive in the direct line of the deceased. 
Thus in the case of an invalid marriage and the death of the woman, the 
man could not without a dispensation marry his wife's mother, grand-
mother, daughter, or granddaughter. 

Spiritual relationship is a diriment impediment to marriage. Such a 
spiritual relationship exists between a baptized person and the person who 
has baptized him, between the baptized person and his godparents. 

So when a young man is engaged to a girl who is converted to the 
faith, he should not act as her sponsor in her baptism. If he does so, 
he creates a spiritual relationship which is a diriment impediment to 
marriage. In such a situation a dispensation must be obtained before the 
marriage can be celebrated. 

Legal adoption is a diriment impediment to marriage in those coun-
tries or states where the civil law forbids a man or a woman to marry 
someone that he or she has legally adopted. In the case of legal adoption 
the Church follows the law of the particular state; the Church accepts 
the impediment of legal adoption as a prohibitive or diriment impediment 
according as the civil authorities decide in particular cases. The Church 
also follows the civil law in the extent of the application of this law. 
(Cf. page 44.) 

N. B. Catholics sometimes criticize the Church for her granting 
what they term a divorce with permission to remarry. The Church never 
grants a divorce. All she does is decide on the evidence advanced that due 
to the presence of one of the aforesaid diriment impediments from which 
no dispensation had been or could be obtained there never was a valid 
marriage in that particular case. 

The wealth or poverty of the persons involved hasn't a thing to do 
with the decisions in such cases. As a matter of fact the records reveal that 
decisions in such cases have been rendered to more poor people than to 
rich people. When such a decision is granted to rich people, you read 
about it in the newspapers; the news of such decisions being granted poor 

— 46 — 



people never gets to the headlines. Moreover if the testimony advanced 
in a particular case is false, if people have lied about the matter and have 
not been found out and a decision of nullity is granted, the decision is of 
no avail. If the marriage was valid, it is still valid, and the decision of the 
Church, rendered on what was believed to be true testimony, has not in 
the eyes of God dissolved the marriage bond, and the second marriage is 
an adulterous one and is known to be such by the parties to that second 
marriage. 

Straightening Out Tangled Marriages 

Catholics who have contracted a marriage that for one reason or 
another is invalid, e. g., marriage witnessed by a Protestant minister or a 
justice of the peace, frequently think that they have put themselves hope-
lessly beyond the pale of the Catholic Church's interest in them. Because 
of this incorrect idea thousands each year are lost to the Church. Such 
people have sinned; in the eyes of the Church they are not validly married: 
but in many cases such marriages can be straightened out. Even in extreme 
cases, as for example where the non-Catholic party in the marriage is 
unwilling to appear before a priest, it is possible that the marriage can be 
straightened out, without his presence or even his knowledge. The Catholic 
in a case of this kind should have a talk with his pastor or another priest 
whom he knows. In many cases the marriage can be made valid, and the 
party or parties can return to the love and friendship of God. As long as 
such people remain away from the Church, they are in mortal sin and in 
danger of dying in this state and thus losing their immortal souls. The 
Church, like Christ, never loses interest in a soul; she is always glad to 
welcome the return of her prodigal children. 

Separation 

Married people must live together unless there is a very serious reason 
why they should not do so. The parties in the marriage contract may 
not themselves be the judges of the seriousness of the reasons in this matter. 
Married people should not separate even temporarily without presenting the 
case to their pastor, who will in turn consult the bishop if the case calls 
for this procedure. 

Divorce 

In the eyes of God there is no such thing as divorce in the sense 
in which it is generally understood today, i. e., divorce from the marriage 
bond with the right to remarry. (Cf. pages 44 and 46.) This is not a 
law of the Catholic Church alone; it is a law of God that binds every man 
and woman, be they Catholic, Protestant, Jew, or pagan. 

— 47 — 



For very serious reasons and in order that the injured party may 
benefit through recourse to law against the offending party, the Church 
does allow the offended party of the marriage contract to obtain a civil 
divorce from the offending party. But this "divorce" does not in the 
least affect the existence of the marriage bond. 

Neither party, not even the innocent party, can marry again, because 
a valid marriage cannot be broken by any civil authority. In a word 
the parties are still married, even though separated, and will remain married 
until the marriage bond is broken by the death of either one of the parties. 

Even a civil divorce may not be sought by a Catholic without the 
permission of the bishop of the diocese or the permission of the one 
whom the bishop delegates for this purpose. When serious reasons would 
seem to call for a civil divorce, the pastor should be consulted. 

— 48 —