Moreau First Year Experience
Integration 2
November 27, 2021
Encountering Transformation
	The first semester at Notre Dame was a time of encountering change in many ways, but the starkest change that occurred was in myself. In the past couple months, I have been placed in so many situations that I could never have anticipated, and my reactions to them were equally surprising. Even while I am writing this Moreau, I am sitting in the living room of a friend that I met the first day of school. Before I left for school, I never could have imagined that I would become so close to someone and be so comfortable with them that I would accept an invitation to stay with her family for Thanksgiving. Only this past summer I was vowing that I would do whatever it took to go home for Thanksgiving, but here I am! I know that I will keep encountering people, places, things, and experiences that will transform who I am, yet now I welcome this uncertainty, as it’s all a part of growing and living.
	Encountering dissonance has provided many opportunities for growth in these past few weeks. Before coming to Notre Dame, I had never heard of the imposter syndrome, but various students and professors have been reminding our freshman class of it since Welcome Weekend. In such a prestigious school, feeling like you don’t belong is a real problem, as it can consume one’s thinking and severely harm self-confidence and motivation (“What is Imposter Syndrome?” by Elizabeth Cox What is imposter syndrome and how can you combat it? - Elizabeth Cox - YouTube - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Switching between believing that I am here for a reason and I’m where I’m meant to be and despairing that I don’t belong here and I don’t have what it takes has been a weekly, if not daily occurrence. Encountering dissonance has truly been a roller coaster, but I think this semester has really taught me how to deal with it. While it’s still a struggle, it is becoming easier to let go of the unrealistic expectations I have for myself and what life should be like, and this has brought a lot of relief and freedom (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan Why Letting Go of Expectations Enables You to Live a Better Life (grottonetwork.com) – Moreau FYE Week Nine).
	Encountering brokenness has probably been the most obvious and frequent encounter I’ve had since coming to Notre Dame, and really ever since I’ve transitioned out of childhood into adult life. The more I learn about the world, the more I see how all hatred, division, fear, and suffering stems from a lack of love. Fr. Jenkins speaks to the need for a determined conviction for achieving love and unity, as there is so much division and misunderstanding in our society today even though everyone is searching for the same peace and love (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Rev. John I. Jenkins, CSC Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement | Office of the President | University of Notre Dame (nd.edu) - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Indeed, I have met many people with extremely difficult backgrounds and experiences that are far more trying than my own. Even in myself, I can see how the brokenness I’ve encountered in my own family and community has caused the brokenness I carry. The women who participated in the Kintsugi workshop represented the process we all must go through to accept our own brokenness so that we can help heal the brokenness we encounter in the world (Find Healing in Broken Pieces Through Kintsugi Art - Grotto Network – Moreau FYE Week 10). I have found that I need to be reconciled with the pain from my past before helping to heal others’ brokenness.
	Encountering community has been one of the experiences that has kept me going even on the hardest days. The article we read for this week really stuck out to me because it proposed that a community was not something that needs to be worked for, but something that needs to be allowed to happen in a very natural way (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community • Center for Courage & RenewalCenter for Courage & Renewal (couragerenewal.org) - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). At Notre Dame, I have found a great group of friends with whom I have been able to build relationships without doing anything out of the ordinary. It’s been such a blessing to have a community in which just being myself leads to growing closer to friends that support and care about me, and I want to keep building and participating in this new family.
Encountering hope has been the most difficult task in this whole transition to college. Throughout the Moreau first year experience we have learned about the ideals of a Holy Cross education. All of these values culminated in our reading about hope in the last week, where the need for hope was emphasized because all the suffering in our lives threatens to destroy our inner peace and the confidence we have in God’s love for us (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” Holy Cross and Christian Education.pdf by Rev. James B. King, CSC - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). My family has been going through a really hard time this year, and this struggle, combined with all the stresses of leaving home and learning to live on my own, has often left me feeling hopeless. However, with all that has happened, I have realized that without hope, life becomes impossible. We have to believe that hard things will get better and there is a purpose to every pain, for otherwise we will quickly lose our way and get caught up in the lie that nothing matters and all our suffering is in vain. By dedicating myself to faith, friends, and my studies, I know I will keep encountering hope despite the trials of life.
With every encounter, I have been challenged to respond in a way that will strengthen my personal development. Rather than being afraid of or avoiding change, I have learned that the best way to live is to embrace it. Through encountering dissonance, brokenness, community, and hope, I know I will keep being transformed into the person I am meant to be.