Integration 2 Taylor Kelly Moreau First Year Experience 3 December 2021 Integration 2: Lost In South Bend(Home Alone Reference) As I sit here writing my final assignment for the semester, it feels weird. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been here for a full semester, or at least not yet. Maybe it will after finals, or maybe it won’t. That doesn’t change the fact that in two short weeks I will officially be one eighth of the way through my college experience, and that sort of scares me. As someone who is undecided for their major and isn’t sure what comes next for them after college, it’s hard to feel like you’re being prepared for the world when you don’t even know what you want to be prepared for. Despite these feelings and anxiety about not knowing my path academically or professionally, none of this is to say that my first four months here have not better prepared me for the greater world and what I will encounter in it. That is the question of this assignment: What have I encountered and how will I respond? In my time here so far, I have encountered many different types of people and circumstances or problems that I had never before experienced in my life. Those encounters are valuable and although many of them may come in the classroom, there are just as many important and significant things I have experienced outside the classroom as well. When I fly back home to Massachusetts in two weeks, I am sure like every college student ever my family and parents of friends will comment on how I look older, and how I should shave my poor attempt at a beard. But more than just looking older, after a few months here I feel older, and that is due to the experiences I’ve had and things I’ve encountered so far. One of the big things I’ve encountered through my first semester here is confusion. Although that may not seem like a very positive thing to encounter, in reflecting on it I recognize that there is a lot of value in not knowing, and the journey of finding your way is just as important as the destination of knowing. If it wasn’t clear from my opening paragraph, I really have no clue what I want to do with my life. I have an idea of the things I am good at and what I find interesting, but the fact of the matter is that for any question involving the future my answer most likely is “I don’t know”. At first I was a little embarrassed telling my Mendoza-attending and pre-med peers that I didn’t have a major or a career aspiration yet, but I’ve come to appreciate it instead. I’ve always been someone who loves learning new things, and not having a rigid plan for my future has allowed me to take classes that seem exciting without the pressure of feeling locked into a certain subject or major. There are still times when I have doubts about what the future holds, but in those moments I remind myself that God has a plan for me. I think this goes along with what Fr. Jenkins C.S.C. said in Week 10, “Even if the Spirit called you here, the world did not make it easy to arrive.” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C.- Moreau FYE Week 10). I find this to be very true with my own struggles over what I am going to do with my life, as I often get caught up in whether a certain job pays well enough or if the careers I am considering are “good” enough, and I think that comes back to the pressures of the outside world making it hard to follow your heart, as we are too busy comparing ourselves to others or standards that don’t truly matter. This sentiment also relates back to a quote from Week 9 that stuck out to me, where Julia Hogan writes, “Trust yourself. Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how to live your life. Look at all of the options out there for living life and pick the ones that you feel called to.” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan- Moreau FYE Week https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/career-and-finance/how-to-find-your-calling/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/career-and-finance/how-to-find-your-calling/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau 9). Being caught up in which majors have the biggest paycheck at 25 or which of my peers are going to get the most impressive internships doesn’t do me any good. It’s up to me to look inward and listen to God’s plan so that I can find what the most fulfilling path is for me in life, not for anyone else. I have found just having conversations with other students or even professors or other faculty can be very helpful in getting a gauge on what futures seem compelling or fulfilling to me. I think back on our conversation we had about the ACE Program, and that is just one example of the many different ways I can search for my calling on my own, without being concerned about what others are doing or what others think I should be doing. Another big thing I have encountered so far this year is humility. Between my peers and professors at both Holy Cross and Notre Dame, there are so many people with impressive resumes, interesting backgrounds, and inspiring stories. What always stands out to me though, is how so many of these people are so nonchalant about what they have accomplished or what they have been through. I think with my own health struggles in high school and the hardships I continue to face with my health, sometimes I can get too into a “woe is me” type mindset, where I feel that no one else has been through what I’m going through, or people just don’t understand. Although I don’t want to short sell myself and my issues, a big moment of humility came for me here when I found out one of my best friends’ mom had passed away a few years back. This was something he never really talks about, nor should he feel that he has to, but it was a pretty powerful realization for me in seeing how he handles that and continues to do great things despite what he has faced in his own life. I think this experience connects back to a line in our community module, “Receptivity involves inner work.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer- Moreau FYE Week 11). This idea of inner work is something that is important for all of us, and I think that is especially true with humility, where in order to http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ be more receptive and better members of our community, we need to be able to work on ourselves and have the humility that it takes to be the best versions of ourselves. The third and final thing that I have encountered that I want to talk about is struggles. Although I’ve enjoyed my first semester here, in many ways it was far from the ideal transition to college. I found myself constantly sick for much of the semester, with frequent trips to urgent care, two trips to the ER, and too many missed classes and exams to count. Much like with my health issues in high school, there were times where going through these things definitely tested my faith, and when I recognize that I am feeling out of touch with my faith, I’ve felt ashamed. Last week, we read an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters, and the line about God and free will that says “He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.”(“The Screwtape Letters” by C. S. Lewis- Moreau FYE Week 12) has provided me with a lot of comfort. I think it is important that we remember that even in difficult times where we make a mistake or our faith is tested, God still loves us. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect or to always have the strongest relationship with Him, but He does want us to want that strong relationship for ourselves, and to make our own conscious effort to be close with Him through our thoughts, words, and actions. Overall, I have encountered many new things throughout this semester. Although not all have been positive on their own, they become positive in using them to grow and become a better person, and that is what I hope to do and continue to do throughout my time here, and wherever life takes me after that. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28124/files/192748?module_item_id=109545 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28124/files/192748?module_item_id=109545