Moreau Integration Paper #2 Professor Retartha Moreau First Year Experience 3 December 2021 Friends, Family, and Frisbee From making friends, to starting classes, to joining clubs, the first few weeks of college were long and tiring. Then, after I finally felt acclimated to the new college lifestyle, new obstacles arose. Despite the ability to call and facetime home, I found myself homesick. I have always spent a lot of time with my family, so when I went to college, I missed watching movies, eating meals, and car rides with them. And while the first weeks were all hustle and bustle, once the novelty of college wore off, I found myself with more free time than I had ever had in high school. This extra time to myself only fueled the feelings of homesickness, so I tried to find something to fill it with. I also anticipated that I would stay in touch with my friends from home (which just happens to not be the case whatsoever). Though a slightly overwhelming challenge at first, I am trying to see these novel “college concerns” as ways to grow and find myself. As Julia Hogan explains in her article, “Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit”, “You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). As I mentioned earlier, I encountered much more free time this semester than I thought I would. When trying to choose how to best allocate this time, I always reminded myself that I’m at college for me and there are no expectations to meet except for my own. I love biology, and I am so excited to major in it, but all of the clubs and opportunities offered at Notre Dame were a way for me to explore https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau my other interests as well. Rather than filling up my time with resumé activities, I explored clubs that just sounded like fun. I had gone to the club fair with the intention of joining a club that would help keep me active and provide an opportunity to make new friends. I first tried my luck with ice hockey, but unfortunately, they were looking for experienced players which was definitely not a criterion I fit. I kept my search up and was just leaving the ultimate frisbee table when one of the captains asked my name and encouraged me to join. I explained that I was severely lacking in the hand eye coordination department and that I had never played frisbee before except for a few times at the beach. She said that the team wouldn’t care and wanted to have me anyway. I was definitely nervous to attend the first practice, but I am so happy that I found this team. Though I would like to say all of the practice has shaped me into a star frisbee player, this is far from the truth. Nevertheless, I’ve been able to make many new friends and enjoy all of the practices and tournaments. At first, I had no clue how I wanted to spend all of the free time on my hands. In high school, I was so used to running around from activity to activity and assignment to assignment. This free time was something new that I had encountered, and with my time in high school being so hyper-fixed on prepping myself for college, it was important to me that I spend my free time in college how I wanted to, fulfilling no one’s expectations but my own. Filling up my free time definitely helped a little with my homesickness, but it still wasn’t quite enough to erase all of those feelings. When considering which college I wanted to attend, I didn’t think too hard about distance from home other than in regards to travel—this was perhaps a mistake on my part. I’ve always been someone who voluntarily spent a lot of time with their family, and so being so far away, for such a long time, was hard for me. One thing I’ve noticed that has helped me feel a little closer to home is mass. Every Sunday, my family would go to 9 o’clock mass. Attending mass on the weekends reminds me of the time my family spent together. “If people associated with Holy Cross speak frequently today about the ‘family-like’ atmosphere they encounter in our parishes and educational institutions, that is directly traceable to the combination of Moreau’s teaching philosophy and his ideals for community life” (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” by The Campus Ministry of Notre Dame - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). This quote from the Holy Cross and Christian Education pamphlet resonated with me as I had experienced the “family-like atmosphere” they discuss here. For example, at the Dillon Hall milkshake mass, when it comes time for the sign of peace, everyone goes around and hugs one another rather than shaking hands. It is small acts like this, both everyday around campus and during mass, that helps to create a family-like community here at Notre Dame which lessens my homesickness. Finally, one last question I encountered at college was how much effort should I put into staying in touch with friends from home? When my friends and I said our goodbyes in August, we said we would stay in touch. In fact, we made a promise to send a selfie of ourselves in the group chat every day to make sure we kept the chat alive. That lasted about three days. When we came home for Thanksgiving, I was lucky enough to see everyone I had been closest with in high school. Honestly, based on how easy it was to fall back into our old conversation, it felt like we had never been apart. At first, I was worried that our lack of communication was going to be a huge problem, but this break showed me that true friends, those who you are meant to spend time with, won’t drift away. Palmer sums it up when he says, “When we try to ‘make community happen,’ driven by desire, design, and determination—places within us where the ego often lurks—we can make a good guess at the outcome: we will exhaust ourselves and alienate each https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28317/files/189556?module_item_id=106340 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28317/files/189556?module_item_id=106340 other, snapping the connections we yearn for” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). If the community, friendship, relationship, etc. is meant to be, it will remain strong and stand the test of time and distance. Trying to create and maintain something that is not “natural” will only create further strain. The space college created between my friends and I is important as it showed us which relationships were important for us to maintain and which were not. Throughout my first few months of college, I have encountered many new things. From extra free time, to homesickness, to staying in touch with friends, the reality of college wasn’t exactly what I expected. Nevertheless, I’ve faced each of these new situations and tackled them to the best of my ability. As Father Jenkins once said in his 2021 Commencement Speech, “More likely, the many demands of life were pushing you in other directions, and you pushed back. Even if the Spirit called you here, the world did not make it easy to arrive” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2021 Commencement Address” by Father Jenkins – Moreau FYE Week Ten). All of the ways in which I responded to these new situations have helped me to grow as a person. I’ve found a new hobby, I’ve kept religion an important aspect of my life, and I’ve learned how to maintain long distance relationships. These situations may have been new and overwhelming at first, but how I’ve chosen to tackle them has helped me to shape and grow myself. http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/