Navigating the Lows and Highs of my First College Semester 

By  

     I always hated being called a popular kid in Highschool. Or a cool Kid. Or whatever. It 

always felt like more of an insult rather than a compliment, and it probably was. To me, 

popularity is just a construct where the “Cool”, “Athletic”, and “Good-Looking” kids’ hangout 

with each other and let their counterparts befriend themselves too. I always thought of myself as 

being open to being friends with anyone, so that is why I did not like to be called the cool kid. It 

made me feel like I was not being true to myself.  

     I had a grudge against the term “Cool Kids”, and I also had a want to be friends with 

everyone. I carried this thinking with me into college, which was a major problem for me. These 

two things do not mix. They contradict each other.  

     When I first got to campus, Holy Cross had their welcome weekend. All the freshmen 

gathered in front of the gym. I was nervous, which was normal. It was my first day of college 

and I had no friends. I thought everyone around me also had no friends, but that was not the case. 

I remember seeing my classmates high fiving each other, calling people by their first names, and 

acting all friendly. I was confused.  

     Later I learned that a bunch of these people met in the summer and already created their own 

friend group. They already had drama and love triangles, and it reminded me of high school. I 

initially labeled this group as “the cool kids” in my mind and I held a grudge against them. I had 

no interest in being another “Cool Kid” in college, so I was hesitant to befriend them. Reflecting 

on it now, and it is sad to admit, I almost did not let myself be friends with them.  



     This made the first part of college really difficult for me. I was having a hard time connecting 

with my roommates and other classmates because I was not allowing myself to do so. I thought 

they were “Cool Kids”, and I did not want to be a cool kid anymore. I told my parents about this. 

My mom and dad both told me stop thinking like that and told me stories about how similar 

people they from their college experience turned out to be some of their better friends. I did not 

know it at the time, but these kids really were the same the same as me. They were also scared 

for college, and nervous about making friends. The only difference between me and them is they 

reached out to each other before school started, and just because they did this does not make 

them cool kids and gives me no reason to hold a grudge against them.  

     This made me realize one very important thing. “Whether we know it or not, like it or not, 

honor it or not, we are embedded in community” (Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community by 

Parker J Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). I finally started to let go of my opinions because I 

remembered that these people are part of my community, and while it’s good to hold beliefs, it is 

not good all the time. This year we learned that “Conviction, however, is not all good. It can 

easily be corrupted by pride and greed and lead to hatred and division” (Wesley Theological 

Seminary Commencement by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week 10) . My convictions 

led to hatred and division, but I have since let go of that conviction. I now have very good 

connections with people that not three months ago I would have never saw myself hanging 

around with. As a result, my college experience has been so much more enjoyable.  

     Friends are a big part of college. No doubt about that. Another huge part of college is the 

schoolwork, and that has been a problem I have been navigating since the start of the year too.  

     Schoolwork is so difficult for me because I am a perfectionist. In week nine we learned that 

“…individuals believe they must be perfect and that they must live up to the expectations of 

http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/
https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/
https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/


others (and themselves)” (Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit – by Julia Hogan 

Moreau FYE Week Nine). I believe I must be perfect because of expectations. My parents expect 

me to do good in school, and so do I. This causes a lot of stress for me when I am doing 

schoolwork, but I am slowly learning how to deal with it.  

      My dad really loves dove chocolates, and in each wrapper, they have these little pick me up 

quotes with cheesy sayings. He usually sends them to our family, and I often disregard them, but 

just this past week he sent one that read “do not stop until you’re proud”. This quote was 

different. When I read it, it meant something to me, probably because it was very relevant to my 

current situation.  

     Right now, all my classes have their deadlines for the final projects. I have two essays due 

and only a week to write them. Usually this stresses me out – a lot – because I do not know how 

I am possibly going to finish them. It literally sounds impossible, and that goes back to 

expectations. I expect the papers to be William Shakespeare esque when I write them, but that is 

just not an attainable goal for me. And that’s the thing with expectations. Usually, the ones we 

set for ourselves are impossible to reach. What is not impossible to reach is not stopping until I 

am proud, and that is why I liked the quote so much.  

     To me, not stopping until I am proud lets me drop all the expectations I have of myself. I can 

work freely without the constant fear that my work is not perfect, and the ironic thing is, this 

usually allows me to do better work. This also takes away the stress of grades. If I can say that I 

did my best work and I am proud of what I came up with, then I do not have to set any 

expectation of getting a particular grade. It is a very freeing feeling to do work this way.  

https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau


     Learning how to get out of the trough of making friends and doing schoolwork has been two 

of the most important lessons I have learned so far at college, and when I reflected on how I 

learned them, another lesson appeared.  

     In week 12, we read and learned a lot about the troughs of life and what we are to do when we 

are in one. The Screwtape letters told us that “To decide what the best use of it is, you must ask 

what use the Enemy wants to make of it, and then do the opposite.” – (The Screwtape Letters – 

By C.S. Lewis Moreau FYE Week 12). In both of my examples – making friends and doing 

schoolwork – I believe I created a lot of problems for myself. It was my own thinking that put 

me into tough and stressful situations. In a sense, I am my own worst enemy. So, what does my 

enemy – myself – typically want me to do in those situations? Well, the answer is just figure it 

out. Think it through. More specifically, figure it our and think it through BY MYSELF. My 

biggest problem is that in troughs of my life I feel like me and only me has the power to get 

myself out of the trough. So then, what is the opposite of this? The opposite is asking for help 

and being open to it.  

     Both my situations had one thing in common. I talked and listened to my parents. It was their 

opinions that led me to change my narrow-minded thinking and be open up to the possibility of 

becoming friends with people I thought were “Too Cool” for me. And it was my dad’s dove 

chocolate messages that made me realize I needed to stop stressing about getting perfect grades 

and start enjoying the process of making interesting work that I can say I am proud of.  

     The most important thing that was once vague to me in the beginning of the year is that we 

are not supposed to navigate this crazy world alone. We are surrounded by people for a reason; 

we are surrounded by a community for a reason. If we are to neglect this fact and become selfish 

-Stuck in our ways - then we are doing a great dishonor to our community by filling it with 

http://c/Users/wmiller/Downloads/The%20Screwtape%20Letters%20by%20C.S.%20Lewis_Chapter%208.pdf


division. Instead, we must all work together, help each other. The different perspectives we all 

have and share can be the key that others need to unlock the door and start making their way out 

of a trough in their life. I can attest to the power of community paired with open mindedness, and 

it something I will continue to use to my advantage in my life to come.