Moreau Final Integration 2 12/03/21 Moreau First Year Experience Eric Oswald My Encounters and Responses One of the most important questions I have asked this semester is the following: Do I belong here? I have found that overwhelmingly, the answer is yes. In Week 9 of Moreau Class, we learned about what imposter syndrome is. I learned that imposter syndrome is having feelings of fraudulence within one’s group. This definition can work whether it is applied to social groups, educational groups, or groups within one’s industry or workplace (“What is Imposter Syndrome?” Elizabeth Cox Week 9 Link). I found myself struggling with feelings like those found in imposter syndrome when working on and participating in my Spanish class this semester. While I was confident in my abilities to understand spoken and written Spanish, the class was very heavily reliant on one’s speaking abilities. Because I had spent the past two years studying either remotely or with a hybrid learning schedule, I had not had a lot of practice with speaking Spanish, especially conversationally. So I found myself comparing my level of speaking ability to my classmates, and convincing myself that since I was not the best at speaking in that class, I should not speak very often. Of course, this plan of mine was not very conducive to learning how to conversationally speak the language, since the best way to learn and gain confidence is to practice. So once midterm participation grades came in and I had received a lower score than I would have hoped for, I realized that I needed to change my outlook on this situation. I told myself over and over and over again that I belonged to that class and that my input was just as valuable as someone else’s. I used the tools taught to me in my https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28199/modules/items/109672 Moreau class to combat these feelings of imposter syndrome, and I have since seen my participation in that class increase and my confidence has gone up in turn. I plan to use these same tools in the future to remain confident in my place at Notre Dame and beyond. The feeling of community has grown in importance as a result of my Notre Dame journey thus far. In Week 11 of Moreau Class, we read about different ways to view the concept of community. While all of these ways were interesting and definitely brought new perspectives to the topic, the first one really stuck out to me. It reads, “Community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” Parker J. Palmer Week 11 Link). I had heard a lot about the dorm living system at Notre Dame before I got here, especially from my older brother who came here five years before I did. There is a lot of attention put on this system because it is often seen as a replacement for greek life, as Notre Dame does not allow students to have sororities or fraternities. I did not really know exactly what to expect, but to be honest, I did not think that my dorm experience would play as big of a role in my college experience as it has turned out to play. The quote from above about receiving community rather than achieving it is very applicable to my experience here at Notre Dame. Since I was lucky enough to move into one of the halls that is old enough to have a lot of history and tradition, there was a big feeling of hall spirit as soon as I walked into my hall. The upperclassmen carried on the traditions that they learned as first years, and included us and made us feel very welcome in my dorm. I plan to do this for the next classes of first years so that I can make them feel the community in the hall as much as I do. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28199/modules/items/109697 Hope, which was once an ambiguous and vague concept to me, has gained greater clarity through the self reflections and material in this course. In Week 12 of Moreau Class, we read one definition of hope, which is “trusting in the cross and God’s promise of the kingdom” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” Fr. James B King Week 12 Link). The part that stuck out the most to me about this definition is trust. Whether or not a person believes in God's plan, it is possible for that person to trust that things are on a certain course and that things must get better. Sometimes, this trust is all that a person can have in order to keep going until the better things come their way. But without hope, there may be nothing. So we have to choose hope. Unfortunately, I have had to choose hope recently when my brother went through a major life event a few months ago. Two of his best friends passed away, and I was only able to be with him to grieve for a few days before I had to come back to school. I worried, and still do worry, about him a lot because I am not able to check on him as much as may be necessary. Even when I can, it is hard to tell from such a distance how he is doing. My only way to deal with this is to hope - I hope that he can grieve appropriately and then grow from this, I hope that the families of the boys find peace, and I hope that I find the strength to do all that I can to help in any way I can. I plan to continue this hopeful attitude towards this situation and other hard ones in my life in order to bring positive energy to everything I do. The idea of brokeness has become more nuanced as a concept for me due to course material. In Week 10 of Moreau Class, we watched a video that explained the art process called Kintsugi. It is an art form in which people repair broken ceramics or other materials with golden paint (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” Grotto Week 10 Link). The idea behind this art form is symbolic of brokenness that can be healed. I related to the women in the video https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28199/modules/items/109703 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28199/modules/items/109684 because I understand the idea of feeling broken by a society who does not value a person like me as much as maybe it would someone of another gender. I have heard from a young age certain stories and topics about how girls are generally less safe in this world, and it would be easy to become bitter because of this. While it definitely took me a bit of working through such feelings, I now understand that healing from this brokeness can cause beautiful parts of me to show, just like the Kintsugi heals broken parts of the ceramic pieces in a beautiful way. I intend to carry this lesson with me throughout my life in order to view broken things not as things that are broken forever, but as things that can be healed in beautiful ways.