Moreau Integration 12/3/2021 Finding My Voice and Finding Myself This semester has been one of the most rewarding times of my life where I feel I’ve had the most growth as a person. I’ve gained so much clarity on who I am, the person I want be, and the things I value the most. One of the biggest challenges I was facing coming into the school year was mental health and having a support system. Last semester was extremely challenging, and coming back to Notre Dame in the fall I felt I had no friends, a rocky relationship with my teammates and coaches, and no idea who I was. I’ve had countless experiences this past semester that have changed all of this. This semester, I’ve made a huge shift in believing in myself, and not basing my self- worth on external factors. In week 9, one quote said, “When you let your self-worth depend on the approval of others, disappointing them feels like the most devastating thing in the world” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan – Moreau FYE Week 9). This quote really resonated with me because this is something I struggled with for a long time and continue to struggle with. Specifically, this fall, competing in tennis and representing Notre Dame, I put a lot of expectation on myself. I also put the pressure of not wanting to let me teammates and coaches down with every match that I played. In late November, I went to Florida and had two bad losses in a row. I went to my coach after, crying about how I had felt I was constantly letting her down and how that pressure held me back from me being able to play my best tennis. After that conversation, it became clear to me that the expectations I was putting on https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau myself were hindering my true potential. I came out to my next few matches playing some of the best tennis I had the whole semester. Even though I still struggle with this, I think I’ve come a long way from where I started. For most of my life, I’ve based my self-worth on external things like how I perform in a sport, how other people perceive me, or how I do in school. This semester, I’ve learned to surround myself with people who don’t judge me, and truly want the best for me. Because I’ve surrounded myself with these types of people, it’s proved to me that the person I am, as myself, is worthy enough. And because of this, I’ve really let go of expectations that I put on myself, or expectation I believe others have for me. Though I’m not perfect, I think I have come a long way in not letting my self-worth be based on how I perform on the tennis court, or how other people perceive me. Another area that has grown in importance to me this semester is my voice. Not only have I realized the importance in speaking up about things you are passionate about, but I learned that my voice has weight in the communities around me. One thing I’ve really learned to speak up about this semester is mental health. Not only have I personally felt how much mental health affects your life, but I have also heard and seen countless number of friends who have gone through similar experiences. Because of this, I became part of a mental health committee for student-athletes, and really voiced my struggles to my own teammates. I have formed deeper and stronger connection by being vulnerable with my own mental health struggles, and this has allowed me to be a better friend, teammate, and leader. I think the biggest takeaway from what I’ve seen is that more people need to speak about what they are going through - whether it be loneliness, mental health, relationships, or just your general well-being. People need to speak up because that is the only way you find out you aren’t alone in your struggles. Finding my voice and speaking up has also allowed me to become a leader on my team. I’ve had the amazing opportunity to go to a few leadership development retreats this semester, that has really allowed me to step up on my tennis team. As Palmer discusses, he said that “Leadership for community consists in creating, holding, and guarding a trustworthy space in which human resourcefulness may be evoked.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” (Parker J. Palmer, Center for Courage and Renewal) – Moreau FYE Week 11). Trying to create an environment and culture on my team of safety and trust has been so important to me. The big theme of week ten was encountering brokenness. Through listening of the art of Kintsugi, we were told “There is beauty in brokenness” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” (Grotto) Moreau FYE Week 10). I’ve seen this in so many aspects, whether it be through my own personal experiences or watching my friends work through adverse situations. In the middle of experiencing that brokenness, it is so hard to see the light and see a way out of it. That feeling of not having a way out is something I experienced last semester and seen many of my friends dealing with this year. However, I’ve learned that embracing the struggle and embracing that brokenness is the best way to get through it. My coach this year told us so many times this year, “The only way is through”. This really resonated with me because if you learn to embrace the struggle, it often becomes easier to get through. Also, knowing that you can push through adversity and things will get better is another thing that makes struggle easier to embrace. The biggest things I have learned this semester has been in the relationships I have, and the way that I approach adversity. In week twelve, we read about this in the reading by Fr. James, where he said, “One does not have to be a Christian to believe that adversity does, or at least can, make people https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105669 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105669 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105633 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105633 stronger and prepare them for harder challenges in the future…” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” pages 14 - 16 (Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 12). This is pretty much the epitome of what I learned through my last two semesters here at Notre Dame. I think it’s so important to embrace struggle, even though in the moment it is so difficult. With the amount of adversity that was thrown at me all at once last semester, it was easy for me to complain, be upset, and get into an extremely negative state of mine. However, because of the struggles of last semester, I was able to grow into a better version of myself that I am today. Additionally, I am able to be a better friend and companion to others because I can relate to the challenges that others might be going through. Out of all of my friends from home, I was the only one to be able to attend university during COVID, which presented numerous challenges. However, I remember that I was able to go to school and was in a lot better position to learn, grow and build friendships. This semester, I’ve learned to embrace struggle, even when it seems like the most difficult thing to do, because I truly believe that it will make me a better person and I will grow because of it. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105685 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28311/modules/items/105685