Integration 2 McFail 1 Áine McFail Mr. Whittington FYS 10101 3 December 2021 My Journey of Belonging at Notre Dame My time at Notre Dame so far has truly been an unforgettable experience. I have made so many friends, tried so many new things, and learned so much, not just in my classes, but in general as well. Coming into the semester, I had a lot of expectations of what it would be like. In some aspects, it has been better than I ever imagined, and in others, it isn’t necessarily worse, just different. Some of my expectations included having instantly made my best friends for life, getting perfect grades, and to never be in doubt that this was the school I should have chosen. Throughout this semester, I have asked and answered myself a lot of questions. The biggest one is probably, “Is this where I belong?” I had a rough start to the beginning of the year. This was the first time I encountered feeling as if I don’t belong somewhere. For weeks, all I wanted to do was go home and transfer schools. I really felt like this wasn’t the school for me. Slowly, I started to feel better and that I did make the right decision to come here. Then something would happen, and I would not feel that way anymore. It was this constant cycle of that. “Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation- the repeated return ro a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks,” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). This truly is an accurate representation of my time here so far. Over time, though, my peaks have gotten higher and my troughs don’t go as low. My peaks last longer and my troughs are getting shorter. I have learned that it is okay to not be my https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28308/files/189486?module_item_id=106257 McFail 2 happiest all the time here and that most people feel the same way I do at times. I realized that coming into college is something that is a huge transition and takes time to feel truly comfortable. Once I had this realization, it became a lot better for me. I had put so much pressure on my experience here, that I just needed to release some of it to feel better. Another aspect of my experience so far is that this is the first time I have encountered that even my best isn’t going to get me an A in some classes. This was difficult at the beginning of the semester because I am used to getting straight A’s , and oftentimes not even having to put in that much effort to get them. So, to come here and have to try really hard and still not get an A was really hard for me. “Instead of letting your life be ruled by the expectations of others or your own expectation that you have to be perfect, what if you just did your best?” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). I have realized that as long as I am doing my best work, it is okay that I will not have straight A’s. I am still learning and getting the education that I came here for. My need to be academically perfect has decreased since arriving here, but in a healthy way. I am still going to do my best but won’t be upset with the outcome of that. This is also my first encounter with lots of people that are all different from me and have had different experiences that have shaped them. Back home, while we are all different people, most of us are still relatively similar in that we grew up in the same place and have had similar experiences. This was one of the reasons that I chose Notre Dame. I wanted to be surrounded by people who weren’t all similar to me. This has been an eye opening experience to see how different everyone’s lives have been from me. I hope to continue to experience and learn from this more in the future, as well. This has given me the experience of what it is like to be a part of a larger community. I have learned that “Hatred poisons everything,” (“Wesley Theological https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ McFail 3 Seminary Commencement” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Many times the disconnect in communities comes from the hatred of others and of being different. We should be embracing those differences, though, because we can all learn a lot from them. Fortunately, I have not seen any hatred since I have gotten here. While, there likely is some present, I am just speaking from my experience so far. I feel like this has made it easier for a community to form. With everyone being so nice and welcoming, a community can easily arise from that. In my dorm, we have a strong community with one another and have gotten to know each other well. If there was a lot of hatred present, we would not have been able to do that. Another aspect of community is understanding yourself. “If we want community in order to confront the unhappiness we carry within ourselves, the experiment may go on, and happiness—or, better, a sense of at-homeness—may be its paradoxical outcome,” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). If we can’t accept ourselves then we will have difficulty feeling accepted by others. I think that this is also why I felt like I didn’t truly belong here earlier. I was struggling with certain things on my own, which made it difficult for me to feel connected to everyone around me. I was doubting myself so I was never going to truly feel the community around me. This will be important for me to remember throughout life, as I will always be meeting new people and entering new communities. I have to remember that it may not be a perfect fit right at the start. In conclusion, I have grown a lot this semester. I have learned a lot about who I am and who I hope to become. I have learned that as long as I do my best, there is nothing more I can do. To truly feel a part of something, I must accept myself as a part of that first. I have also made lots of friends. After learning all of this, I do feel like I belong at Notre Dame. I also plan on taking all that I have learned so far and will learn in the future here and applying it to my future. https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/