Integration One - Prince 1 Professor Oswald Moreau First Year Experience 15 October 2021 A Robust Community Requires My Vulnerability, Diversity, Faith, and Love I believe that in order for me to feel loved, I first need to be vulnerable. Love, connection, and a feeling of belonging are things many people, including myself, aspire to obtain. I believe that these things cannot be achieved unless we offer up our true, authentic self to others. This has become a particularly strong belief of mine ever since I was bullied in middle school. Following that difficult period in my life, I tried to feel a sense of belonging in my community by pretending to be someone I wasn’t. However, when I began to present myself in a more authentic light, I started to find people who truly cared and appreciated me for who I was. If I hadn’t chosen to be vulnerable at that point in my life, I would not have graduated high school with such a good group of classmates with whom I have a strong relationship with. In her TED Talk, "The Power of Vulnerability", Brene Brown says, “In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. Really seen” (MFYE Week 1). Here, Dr. Brown is reaffirming my core belief. She asserts that in order to feel connection, we must be vulnerable (“allow ourselves to be seen”). I think Dr. Brown’s argument is exactly correct because how can others appreciate you if they don’t know what you really believe in or live for? When you open yourself up to others, you will find people who truly appreciate you for your uniqueness. It is not uncommon for this belief to be challenged. It is often hard to be vulnerable, especially when you fear that others will judge your authentic self. However, I firmly believe that overcoming this apprehension will yield great benefit. In my time here at Notre Dame, vulnerability has played an important role. Following Dr. Brown’s advice and my belief, I seek to present the most authentic version of myself to others. When I am able to be myself, free of invisible masks, I am liberated. As I continue to figure out my community here at Notre Dame, I hope to continue relying on my ability to be vulnerable. Even when I may not “fit in” or feel accepted, I know that I will feel belonging when I am able to show my true colors. Some of the ways I have already begun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=3 Prince 2 living out this belief is by stating my honest perspective in class seminars, or telling stories about my background with my closest friends. I feel a sense of freedom in being able to show my individuality, and I know it will allow me to flourish without bound in the future. I believe that my community thrives when it recognizes and cherishes diversity in others. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk "The Danger of a Single Story" focuses exactly on this idea of recognizing diversity in others (MFYE Week 7). In her talk, Adichie argues that we should never just listen to a person’s “single story”. If we fail to reject the single story, we will be presented with a flawed, shallow representation of that person. Essentially, there is always more depth to an individual beyond what can be ascertained by a first impression or single story. Adichie’s broader argument is that in order to have a better community, we must seek truth through multiple stories. I believe in this argument because when we seek a deeper understanding of others, we not only learn more about them, but we learn more about ourselves in the process. One of the reasons why pursuing a deeper understanding of others is important to me is that everyone comes from a different background. When I think about going beyond the “single story”, I am drawn to George Ella Lyon’s "Where I'm From '' poem (MFYE Week 6). Lyon’s poem highlights the notion that there are many different things that shape us as individuals. I believe that this is a very important point to consider when we think about diversity in our community. Each individual has experiences, people, and values that shape who they are and what they believe in. Building on Adichie, such individuality can’t be summarized in one story. Recognizing each person’s unique story allows us to really begin to understand who they are as a person. When I think about how Adichie and Lyon’s work applies to my experiences here at Notre Dame, I immediately think about the diverse community I am a part of. Whether it's my dorm or my calculus class, each member of the community brings so many unique experiences to the table. Meeting many people for the first time, I make it a priority to keep an open mind, devoting my time to listening rather than making assumptions. As I continue to forge new friendships here at Notre Dame, my goal is to keep living out Adichie’s message. Even though I may have formed opinions about certain people in my community, I should still keep an open mind and learn more about those people. When I do so, I have the opportunity to strengthen the community and my friendship with them. https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story/up-next http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html Prince 3 I believe that I forge life-giving relationships by putting others before myself. When I think about what constitutes a healthy relationship, the word “balance” immediately comes to mind. A healthy relationship is one where both people can talk honestly and have equal control over the relationship. The Red Flag Campaign’s handout "Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships" re-enforces this idea of “balance” within a healthy relationship (MYFE Week 4). The handout states that “An unhealthy relationship is unbalanced. One partner (a person in the relationship) tries to control the other.” A healthy relationship is one where there is respect and a concern for the well-being of each individual. It is a balance between selfishness and selflessness. When someone constantly puts their own needs before others, they are not contributing to a healthy relationship. I believe this to be true because the point of a relationship/friendship is to be there for each other. If you only focus on your own successes or struggles, you are preventing the other person from expressing their emotions. This ends up creating a toxic relationship where all the attention and control is shifted to one individual, rather than being equally shared. The discussion of selflessness reminds me of David Brooks’ TED Talk "Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?" (MFYE Week 2). In the TED Talk, Brooks establishes this dichotomy between two “atoms''. One self is focused on resume virtues: driven by success, wanting to conquer the world. The second self values eulogy virtues: they seek connection, meaning, love, and relish consistency. A life-giving relationship, in my perspective, consists of the second self. The person that focuses purely on personal gain will tend to care less about the well-being of others. On the other hand, those who seek connection and are willing to be vulnerable will create such powerful relationships. At Notre Dame, I have sought life-giving relationships within my dorm. Living in a communal space, it is easy to engage in dialogue with my peers on a daily basis. Listening to their ups and downs and having meaningful conversations is a daily occurrence in my dorm study rooms. Having these conversations establishes that “balance” in my friendships, allowing each person to bring their voice to the table without fear of consequence. Going forward, this is a belief I want to spend more time focusing on. As I continue to strengthen my foundational relationships in and out of the classroom, I want to allocate more time to those friendships that have what I believe in: balance, vulnerability, honesty, and respect. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/54da632be4b0c3a7f3a8a90d/t/55689339e4b0d6fc6b6e2f28/1432916793921/Healthy+vs+Unhealthy.pdf https://static1.squarespace.com/static/54da632be4b0c3a7f3a8a90d/t/55689339e4b0d6fc6b6e2f28/1432916793921/Healthy+vs+Unhealthy.pdf https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM Prince 4 I believe that deepening my faith can strengthen my surrounding community. In his article "Faith Brings Light to a Dark World", David Fagerberg writes that spiritual life is not a private or secret place in our hearts (MYFE Week 3). Instead, spiritual life is a necessity in building community. Before my time at Notre Dame, I considered spirituality as a purely individual thing that people kept to themselves. However, upon my readings in Moreau and my deepend faith at Notre Dame, I have come to realize the opposite. Not only is discussing faith with others something of importance, but faith plays an important role in serving the common good. Fagerberg puts this well when talking about love as a “supernatural gift”. He says that “to love is to will the good of another.” I believe this quote is exactly what my belief is. Faith teaches us the importance of love. It teaches us to sacrifice our own preferences in order to benefit others and meet their needs/desires. Coming to this conclusion during my time at Notre Dame has changed the way I view my relationship with faith. Now, I no longer view it as an individual thing. Instead, I see it as a way to better myself, and as a way to strengthen my community. For example, I have begun to attend mass regularly in my dorm, spending time in prayer with my peers and engaging in conversation after mass. Furthermore, beyond building a community within my dorm, faith has taught me to be a good friend and always seek to help others in need. People may challenge this belief by saying that one’s faith journey is strictly individual. Upon hearing this differing viewpoint, I accept it. As Fr. Pete stated in his video "The Role of Faith in Our Story", that everyone has a different journey towards “self discovery” (MFYE Week 3). Even though we all have different faith journeys, I still believe faith teaches us to hold the well-being of the community in high importance. As I look toward the future, I hope to continue finding ways to deepen my faith. Whether it be helping with mass or discussing faith with my peers, I am eager to explore how I can use my faith to better the lives of others around me. I believe that my purpose is to use my education to serve others. Something I strongly believe is that the goal of our education here at Notre Dame is not to memorize facts or formulas. Instead, we are receiving an education that should be applied to benefit our future communities. In his lecture "Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education", Fr. Kevin Grove states, “A Catholic education means that every discipline that searches for truth shares in that final and most beautiful truth, that calls us to serve each other in love” (MYFE https://grottonetwork.com/keep-the-faith/belief/faith-brings-light-to-dark-world/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 Prince 5 Week 5). Fr. Grove’s statement reaffirms my belief that our education is giving us a greater calling. Rather than serving ourselves, a Holy Cross education means that we use our education to help serve each other in love. At Notre Dame, I have seen this play out in many ways as a student. Notre Dame alumni come back as teachers, or as guest speakers such as in my accountancy class this past week. Holy Cross Priests, rectors, and educators here at Notre Dame have used their educational skill set to help others in need. In the past, I have challenged myself on this belief. In some regard, I believe we do use our education to serve ourselves. However, I think that there is a delicate balance that exists between self and others when it comes to education. Especially at Notre Dame, I believe the importance of a Holy Cross education is to make a difference in the world. I am inspired by the Holy Cross educators who fight disease, serve as dorm records, and so much more. Although implementing this belief may be 3 and a half years away, I aspire to figure out how I can most effectively use my Notre Dame education down the road. I want to find ways to apply my belief to create as many positive outcomes in my community as possible. Notre Dame is affording me the opportunity to ascertain these skills, but, ultimately, my potential community impact lies in my hands alone.