Integration 2 Integration 2 Due 12/3/21 The Perpetual Rollercoaster Called Life There is a common saying heard by almost every freshman college student in America, going along the lines of “You don’t have to have your life figured out by eighteen years old”. Ironically, this statement always seems to be met with great skepticism. I have always thought to myself, “Well yes, but I personally will know exactly what I want to do. I will be an exception.” Yet as I look back on my first semester of college, I realize that I am far from an exception and have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me. I have had to ask important questions such as what my true passions are, I have found clarity in terms of worrying over grades, and I have realized that the intricate balance between work ethic and social life is much more complicated than I thought. While my life may be full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, my experiences have led to a greater personal understanding and a clearer awareness on how to approach my future endeavors. I have had to ask many important questions this semester, specifically where my true passions lie and what that can mean for my future career. I would be lying if I said I didn’t experience an existential crisis of sorts halfway through the semester. There I was, sitting in the middle of Hesburgh Library, realizing that I really didn’t want to go to medical school. Logically, I began to think of the other career paths that a Neuroscience and Behavior degree could lead to, and the panic set in even more. How does one balance enjoying a field of study with the important logistics of earnings and quality of work environment? Part of me felt like I was giving up on myself, and I will admit I felt pretty disappointed in myself. However, it also made me think about our discussion over imposter syndrome and how we need to take it easy on ourselves. “We will disappoint people. We’ll disappoint ourselves. But the world doesn’t have to end when that happens” ("Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit" by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). Fast forward to the present, I have switched to the Science Business major and am very excited to see where it will take me in the future. Some of the most interesting and upstanding people I have met on campus so far are associated with various business ventures, and I look forward to being able to combine my skillsets with my genuine science interests. I am far from understanding what I want to do with my life, but I realize that even figuring out what I definitely do not want to do is a step in the right direction. So no, I do not have my life figured out whatsoever; and that is more than ok. I have found clarity in terms of worrying over grades and academic standing. All throughout high school I was determined, obsessive even, to consistently be one of the top performers with the highest grades. I convinced myself that I wouldn’t get into any colleges or eventually have a good job if I wasn’t the best of the best. While I do think it was good to have high standards for myself, the extent to which I took it was simply not healthy. I would be so disappointed in myself if I got anything below a 90%, sometimes letting it ruin my entire day. Coming to Notre Dame, I realized that I lie within an amazing group of students, and I wasn’t exactly sure how I would feel about no longer consistently being at the top of my class. To my pleasant surprise, I have actually felt quite at peace with my current grades. They aren’t perfect by any means, but I am very happy with them given that I am at a top twenty school in the country and it is my first semester of college. I know that there will be times here where things aren’t going so well, but I will remind myself that the good always alternates with the bad, just like what we talked about during Week 12. “As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/modules/items/106146 and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty” ( “The Screwtape Letters” Chapter 8 by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). There is still a long way to go, but the ambiguity and constant uncertainty I anticipated to feel over academic standing here simply does not exist. I am both content and calm about how I am doing, I simply cannot ask for anything more than that. Balancing social life and school has turned out to be much more difficult and nuanced than expected. On one hand, such a problem is not the worst thing in the world to have. I have made some of the strongest relationships with my friends on campus, whether that be people from my dorm or individuals I have met in class. I remember thinking to myself “I am having so much fun here, I almost forget that I am here for school”. It is so easy to get caught up in all that our campus has to offer that weekends go by in the blink of an eye. I have gone from waking up at dawn for game days to having it be midnight on Sunday night, all the while having done absolutely no schoolwork. I realize that these kinds of habits cannot continue, especially once my schedule becomes more rigorous and my extracurriculars begin to pile up. In an interesting but albeit counterintuitive way, my dilemma reminds me of our discussions during Week 11. “Community begins not externally but in the recesses of the human heart. Long before community can be manifest in outward relationships, it must be present in the individual as ‘a capacity for connectedness’” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer, Center for Courage and Renewal - Moreau FYE Week 11). While I believe that I have done a very good job in building communities in various shapes and sizes, I think it is important to hone in the individual aspect of it. I can maintain these relationships while rejuvenating my work ethic, as long as I remember that it is up to me on an individual level. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/modules/items/106234 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/modules/items/106234 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/modules/items/106210 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28222/modules/items/106210 This past semester has turned out to be one of the most illuminating periods of growth in my life, both through amazing experiences and tough lessons. Whether it be through vulnerable discussion in Moreau or late night study sessions with my closest friends, I have truly encountered a full spectrum of experiences at Notre Dame. I can’t help but look forward to how I will continue to grow and develop next semester, and there is no other place I would rather do it than with Professor Taylor at 3:30 on Tuesdays.