Integration One-- Neligan 1 Mr. Espeseth Moreau First Year Experience 15 October 2021 Examining My Root Beliefs’ Role in My Journey Toward the Building of Character I believe that I will find a deeper sense of belonging by being vulnerable with others—both by sharing what I am struggling with and being open to listen to what they are struggling with. I find that I am only able to do this when embracing my emotions for what they are. Dr. Brené Brown explains, “You cannot selectively numb. So when you numb those [hard feelings], we numb joy; we numb gratitude; we numb happiness” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). Dr. Brown’s speech conveyed that a person must either fully embrace their emotions or not embrace them at all. She explicates that in attempting to selectively numb our emotions, we inhibit the full experience and expression of our other emotions. In attempting to find belonging, I know that I need to continue to follow Dr. Brown’s advice. Rather than trying to suppress emotions, I need to not only embrace them myself but feel comfortable sharing them with others. This has been particularly difficult at the start of college because it is hard to be vulnerable with people that you have only known for a few weeks. For example, I have been challenged in trying to be vulnerable talking to new people or sharing personal experiences in class discussions. However, I think that by following Dr. Brown’s advice and eliminating any emotional inhibitions I might have, I will find a greater sense of belonging. I believe that I can grow as my most authentic self by putting less pressure on myself to fulfill a certain superficial idea of success and focusing on strengthening my character. I believe that I can best develop my character by addressing my potentially self-inhibiting habits and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ifUM1DYKg&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=1 Neligan 2 tendencies. In his TED Talk, David Brooks explains that in order to fight your weaknesses, you must “find the sin which you've committed over and again through your life, your signature sin out of which the others emerge, and you fight that sin and you wrestle with that sin, and out of that wrestling, that suffering, then a depth of character is constructed” (“Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). Brooks indicates that in order to eliminate our weaknesses, or “signature sins,” we must deeply self-reflect and begin to tackle our biggest underlying struggle. I believe that through identifying my most deep-rooted weaknesses—potentially envy or self-criticism—and addressing them, I will be able to further develop my character and live a more fulfilling life. I think that strengthening my character will allow me to live a more successful life, by both the Adam I and Adam II metrics. For example, I think that having stronger character will help me to more effectively pursue my career goals—maybe to ace an interview or gain better connections—and also to make new friends and impact my community. In college, I have definitely felt some pressure to focus on academics and building my resume at the expense of personal and social development. However, after more intentional self-reflection and chipping away at the weakest parts of my character, I think that I will be able to live as my most authentic self. I believe that I am searching for more faith in others and in the world as a whole. As someone who is often pessimistic, I sometimes find myself lacking faith in those around me. I have a tendency to not rely on others and only have faith in myself and my capabilities. However, this can become exhausting and burdensome. I think that in following Fr. Pete’s advice on how to “untie a knot,” I will be able to find faith in the world around me. Fr. Pete advises, “each knot is unique. When attempting to remove the knot, do not operate under the false belief that what you did before will work this time around” (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” by Fr. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=UniversityofNotreDameCampusMinistry Neligan 3 Pete McCormick, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Three). Fr. Pete explains that everyone’s relationship or struggle with faith is different and ever-changing. The metaphor of untying a knot for our struggles with faith made me more optimistic about approaching my own search for faith. The metaphor simplified the daunting task and allowed me to establish a mindset of patience, open-mindedness, and hopefulness. I think that through following Fr. Pete’s instructions, I will be able to gain confidence in what is around me and strengthen my relationship with faith. Over the past year, my life circumstances have changed drastically—particularly in coming to Notre Dame. My amount of faith in every person, place, and thing seems to be different and constantly changing. However, approaching every challenge as a new knot to be untied, I think that I will be able to improve my relationship with faith and view the world through a more optimistic lens. I believe that I forge life-giving relationships by following my intuition and looking for people who have strong character and sense of identity. I find that by acknowledging off-putting behavior, or “red flags,” early on, I am able to identify who might not be a good friend. Olivia Taylor of Grotto warns that “Sometimes the seemingly minor plan cancellations can lead to major disappointments in your friendship...If you don’t trust them to physically show up when they said they would, it logically follows that you don’t trust them to be there for the bigger things in your life” ("5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship" by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four). Taylor’s example demonstrates that it is important to look for signs early on that might indicate someone’s reliability or strength of character. I think that I recognize these types of signs pretty quickly and do not tolerate inconsiderate behavior. However, I do think that, for example, once I am friends with someone and develop a connection with them, it is easy to begin to excuse their behavior. In order to forge more life-giving relationships, I think I need to continue to follow my intuition and recognize signs of poor character early on. Rather than https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ Neligan 4 making excuses for the friend, I will hold them more accountable and ask them about the problem at hand. Through confronting these smaller disputes early on, I will be able to prevent larger, more serious disputes in the future. This mindset has been particularly useful in coming to college and trying to make new friends. By staying true to my own beliefs about forging life-giving relationships, I know that I can be successful in surrounding myself with people who will encourage me to be my most authentic self. I believe that my purpose is to better society and the lives of the people around me in whatever way I can. As someone who finds giving to others very fulfilling, I know that it is part of my purpose to continue to contribute to my community. I think that my purpose very much aligns with the goals and methods that the founders of Notre Dame intended for the university. Fr. Grove recounts, “They were to reinvigorate and renew society, not by siding with either blind faith or blind reason...he founded Holy Cross to remind the world that the best of what you and I were created to be is made manifest, when every capacity of our intellects and calls of our hearts are both augmented by faith and reason” ("Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education" by Fr. Kevin Grove, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Five). I agree with the premise that fulfilling our life purpose requires both faith and reason. I think that by finding faith in society and certain causes and learning how to best further those causes through my academic and intellectual pursuits, I will be able to pursue my mission of creating a positive social impact in the world. Over the next four years, I hope to find the motivation to pursue my goals from faith and acquire the tools to do so from my classes, professors, mentors, peers, and activities. I believe that I grow by trying new things. In writing my “Where I’m From” poem, I found myself referencing activities or hobbies that were particularly formative in my childhood. Although I later quit some of these hobbies, I found that the act of persevering and trying new https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 Neligan 5 things strengthened my character more than any one activity. In explaining how to write the “Where I’m From” poem, George Ella Lyon suggested, “music could take you to a scene where the music is playing; could provide you the chance to interleave the words of the song and words you might have said (or a narrative of what you were thinking and feeling at the time the song was first important to you)” (“Where I'm From” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). This inspired me to reference the songs I learned when I played violin. My time playing violin was particularly relevant in where I’m from because it taught me how to be disciplined and hardworking in whatever I choose to pursue. The reference takes the poem back to a time in my life when I was excited to try and wholeheartedly embrace anything new. Through throwing myself into new activities, I continued to go out of my comfort zone and achieve things that I did not think were possible. For example, even though I am more shy and introverted, I joined my school’s debate team and learned to be more comfortable with public speaking. Although I no longer participate in this activity, the public speaking skills and the determination that I developed have remained with me. When I am comfortable, I am not growing. By exposing myself to new things and continuously redefining my comfort zone, I will grow into the best version of myself. I believe that I pursue truth by remaining open-minded and constantly searching for new perspectives to understand. I have always found the concept of stereotypes to be unfair, and I always try to look past them and question their origin. My beliefs align very much with Adichie’s. As she explains in her TED Talk, “The consequence of the single story is this: It robs people of dignity. It makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different rather than how we are similar” ("Danger of a Single Story" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week 7). I agree that in buying into stereotypes—intentionally or http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story Neligan 6 unintentionally—we perpetuate single stories and strip people of what makes them individuals. I have found truth in the past by looking beyond what might be seen on the surface, asking questions, and remaining open-minded about what I might learn. I think that by intentionally making sure that I never hear a single story, but rather multiple perspectives on an issue, I will gain a better understanding of the truth. For example, in meeting new people in college, I have tried to never make assumptions about a person based on their appearance, where they are from, what they are studying, etc. In intentionally remaining open-minded, I have learned more about the people around me and fully embraced our similarities and differences. What makes us similar and different—what makes us human—seems to be the most important truth of all.