Integration Three Integration Three March 4, 2022 A Life Worth Living I believe that there is a certain type of beauty associated with life. My conviction is that a life worth living is a happy life and that no one but you knows what that looks like. Living out a happy and fulfilling life sounds easy in theory, but it is much harder to enact. We are constantly weighed down by others’ expectations, societal rules, and the pressure we put on ourselves. This past year I have learned to value my own happiness over anything else in the world, because in the end I am the one who has to live my life, and I don’t want to deprive myself of living a life I am not inspired and motivated by. I want to embody my conviction that living a happy life is the greatest accomplishment one can achieve by encouraging others to follow their hearts, even when it might be difficult. I hope to serve as a role model for younger students to carry on this conviction. I hope that as I continue to learn about myself and what makes me happy I will feel more confident in myself, allowing me to be a more effective leader. I believe that learning more about myself will allow me to connect with others on a deeper level and form truly meaningful connections. This semester I have really struggled with finding a purpose at Notre Dame. I am enrolled in a rigorous course load of 20 credits on an engineering and pre-med track, and no matter how hard I work or how many hours I spend in the library, it always seems that I am falling further and further behind. I didn’t have to take 20 credits this semester, but I chose to because I would rather bombard myself with assignments and school work than have free time to think. My biggest fear is giving myself time to think, because I know if I do I will come to the conclusion that I am unhappy. My classes are tough, and my grades aren’t as high as my perfectionist self would like them to be, but these are things I could deal with if I had an end goal in sight. The emails in my in-box from my academic advisor remind me that the deadline to declare my major is looming on the horizon. Each day I tell myself that after I finish this essay or take that exam I will finally sit down and map out my different major possibilities, and each day I find another thing that needs to get done and I push that conversation away to have with myself at a later date. I know that declaring your major freshman year of college is not the final step, I know that I can change my major later on and that I’m not bound to this decision for life, but to me, it feels like I’m going to make the wrong choice, and then have to live with that decision. The main reason why I’m scared to make a decision about my major is that my whole life and my entire education has been built upon doing my homework, getting the answers, and acing the test. As Deresiewicz explained in his book Excellent Sheep, students are conditioned to excel but, “nothing in their training has endowed them with the sense that something larger is at stake. They’ve learned to ‘be a student,’ not to use their minds” (Deresiewicz 2014). I know how to be a good student, what I don’t know how to do is use my mind. I don’t know how to discern my major because that answer isn’t on Quizlet and I can’t memorize a study guide that will ensure that I choose the correct answer. I am working on being kind to myself and teaching myself to think because I know that this will enable me to find happiness and fulfillment in my life. In the article “The Right Way to be Introspective” Eurich explains why asking yourself “what” questions rather than “why” questions promotes self-awareness. “Asking what could keep us open to discovering new information about ourselves, even if that information is negative or in conflict with our existing beliefs” (Eurich 2017). Instead of accusing myself and asking “Why can’t you just pick a major,” I want to change my inner narrative and instead ask myself, “What brings you joy, and what is something you want to share with others?” I am passionate about journalism, reporting, and storytelling. I love learning about different places, cultures and experiencing new adventures. I am excited when I meet new people. I want to travel and continue to improve my Spanish-speaking skills. I am interested in learning more about how I can become involved in healthcare policy and help solve problems in medicine. These are things I am excited about and want to explore further. At the moment, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know who I am, but I am starting to learn and am excited to embark on this long but rewarding journey. The answers to my questions and inner struggles “can only be found within--without distractions, without peer pressure, in solitude” (Deresiewicz 2010). I don’t spend a lot of time in solitude, considering the majority of my day is spent on schoolwork and any remaining time is spent mindlessly scrolling on social media. I want to challenge myself to be alone with myself, to allow my thoughts to wander, to really ponder the world around me. Although this will be difficult and uncomfortable in the beginning, I am excited to see what I will learn and how this will increase my inner happiness and awareness. I not only want to learn more about myself, but I want to learn about others around me and how I can impact someone else’s life. Pope Francis says that in order to do good, we need memory, courage, and creativity. My fondest memories are spontaneous summer adventures. These memories are associated with feelings of having no cares in the world and they are times when I was truly present in the moment and experienced pure joy. I want to strive to achieve this feeling in my life and find a child-like sense of wonder and excitement associated with the work I do. In order to do this, I will need to have the courage to be content with my own version of happiness, rather than defining my life based on someone else’s happiness. When I inevitably become discouraged and question if a happy life is worth it, or even attainable, I will need to have the courage to push forward, even when it feels impossible. The last component of doing good that Pope Francis touches upon is creativity. I have very few creative outlets in my life, and this is something that I want to change. I want to allow myself to explore different forms of self-expression like writing, painting, and photography. These things will challenge me to break away from the things I have been taught and trained in by my education, and they will also enable me to see the world from a new perspective. This combination of memory, courage, and creativity will not only allow me to learn about myself, it will also help me to be more aware of how my life is intertwined with others around me. Pope Francis said, “Quite a few years of life have strengthened my conviction that each and everyone's existence is deeply tied to that of others: life is not time merely passing by, life is about interactions” (Francis 2017). Although I am working to learn about myself and discover my inner convictions and happiness, I am not doing this just for myself. By challenging myself to live a life based on my own definition of happiness I hope that I will feel secure within my own identity, allowing me to serve as a leader and bring different groups of people together. Works Cited Deresiewicz, William. Solitude and Leadership, 2010. Deresiewicz, William. Excellent Sheep. Free Press, 2014. Eurich, Tasha, and Al Gore. “The right way to be introspective (yes, there's a wrong way) |.” TED Ideas, 2 June 2017, https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/. Accessed 3 March 2022. “Why the only future worth building includes everyone.” TED, 25 April 2017, https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_build ing_includes_everyone/transcript. Accessed 3 March 2022.