Integration two Integration Two Ryan DuFour What have I encountered and how will I respond? This semester I have answered a couple internal questions. I have encountered new questions that have reshaped my beliefs on a number of topics. One of the most important moments of the semester for me was learning about the “imposter syndrome”. In Elizabeth Cox’s Ted Talk she states, “Though they had high grades, they didn’t believe they deserved their spot at the university” (“What is imposter syndrome?” by Elizabeth Cox-Moreau FYE Week nine). This quote from the imposter syndrome Ted Talk connects with me on a deep, personal level. I don’t want to come off as arrogant but I need to be honest. In high school, I had a perfect GPA and scored in the 99th percentile on the SAT. However, when I got into Notre Dame I still felt like it wasn’t from my own doing. This is because my dad and my siblings all went to Notre Dame. I couldn’t help but feel like I had been accepted to Notre Dame as a result of being a legacy and that I didn’t belong. Even though I was a well-qualified candidate I couldn’t quiet the voices inside my head that told me I was a fraud. I think that since I first watched the Ted Talk that I have been able to confront my imposter syndrome. I have had success in my classes and I have started to prove to myself that I belong here. I have been able to feel like I deserve to be in class with the other students and that we are equal. I am very proud of this growth and I think that it has been very positive for my life. It hasn’t all been positive, however, as there have been areas that I continue to struggle with. I grew up in a catholic family so I was always dragged to mass and participated in religious activities. Coming to Notre Dame was when I really had to take control of my own faith life. I have tried to go to mass as much as possible since being https://youtu.be/ZQUxL4Jm1Lo on campus, but I can’t stop myself from questioning God in times of trouble. In Father Jenkins’s commencement address, he states “Even if the spirit called you here, the world did not make it easy to arrive”(“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Father John Jenkins C.S.C- Moreau FYE Week ten). This quote from Father John Jenkins’ C.S.C Commencement address was very easy to relate to my own life. I personally believe that I am right where I need to be. God and my faith have led me to this point. However, it wasn’t an easy battle to get here. I had to work incredibly hard in high school, keeping my grades up, participating in extracurriculars, and taking standardized tests. Also, I had to keep up with my faith and trust in God that he would get me where I needed to be. That all led me to the University of Notre Dame and it was always an uphill battle, even though the Spirit called me here. I have continually fought in my faith life. In my heart, I know that I am being led towards something great, but at each step, it feels like there is some new challenge. No matter how hard I try I found myself blaming God. I know that this is not the right thing to do but it has made me realize that faith is really built on your relationship with God. I have uncovered this only as I have dived deeper into my faith life. I have found that there will be ups and downs. There will be moments where I act irrationally and question the lord, but as long as I still call out to him and ask for his forgiveness, then we can continue to build our relationship. I realize that faith is a journey and I need to embrace every part of it. Faith is complicated and can’t expect everything to go my way. God has a plan. Something that has been more complicated for me is diversity in my communities. In a Ted Talk by Professor Fuentes, he states, “If we are really serious about trying to make the world a better place then diversity matters for all of https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ us”(“Diversity Matters!” by Profesor Augustin Fuentes-Moreau FYE Week 11). After watching Professor Fuentes Ted Talk, I really started to think about diversity in my communities. I realized that most of my communities are not really diverse at all. This is something that actually bothered me. In the communities that I have control of like my friend groups, I have made great strides to always be inclusive. However, it hit me that in most of my communities, I don’t have the ability to make them more diverse. For example, at Notre Dame, I am not the one who decides who does or does not get into the school. However, when I walk around campus I just see person after person that looks exactly like me. I have struggled with this lack of power. I want to make a difference. I acknowledge that my communities are not diverse but I can’t do much to change it. This has been eating away at me this semester. Another part of life that I have continually struggled with is negativity. It has always been hard for me to be hopeful about something. I tend to turn negative and just assume that things are gonna turn out badly. When discussing hope Father King writes, “There is no failure that the lord’s love cannot reverse, no humiliation that he cannot exchange for blessing, no anger He cannot dissolve, no routine He cannot transfigure”(“Hope- Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Father James B. King- Moreau FYE Week twelve). Sometimes when life gets hard, I start to just think about everything bad in my life and pile it all together. The pain this world gives us can be overwhelming but what I have come to learn is that the Lord is there for us. He can make anything in our lives better but we must seek him out and strengthen our relationship. Trust in God serves as hope that there are better days ahead. https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/27120/files/186051?module_item_id=102825 I have learned a lot about myself this semester. There is still areas for me to grow and I accept that. I understand that I am work in progress and I am happy with my growth so far.