Integration 1 What is Success? I believe that my self worth should come not from my success in my academic, athletic and other endeavors but instead from the way that I treat the people around me on a daily basis and how I maintain positive relationships with the people I care about. I know that at times I definitely tend to get wrapped up in my achievements and success. I find myself often controlled by the stress of getting good grades or being the most successful at certain things. This often comes from thinking that I am not good enough or that I am “not worthy”. From week one, Brenne Brown’s video talked about the power of vulnerability. She discussed how the only way we are able to make deep and meaningful connections is through being vulnerable. Through her research, she found that the only difference between people who were able to form deep meaningful connections and those that were not is them believing that they are worthy of it. I think this has been something that I need to work on. I have often felt that I have to prove myself or achieve certain things “in order to be worthy of love and connection”, but she makes the point that we are all worthy of it if we just allow ourselves to believe that (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). Along with this, I think that our culture has tended to prioritize the “Adam I” state of mind, where we are solely focused on our accomplishments. In the video “Should you live for your resume or your eulogy?” he discusses this issue and makes the point that we should try to put more time into our Adam II. Our Adam II is formed not by building on your strengths (like Adam I), but “by fighting your weaknesses.” Prioritizing our Adam II can lead to much more self-development which leads to an overall better life. Today, especially in the US, our society has put a large focus on Adam I. Almost everything we do is measured, and our society essentially functions on competition. This has lead to the Adam I mindset often taking control of our lives and leaving us with “successful” lives, but not a very good way of living. I believe that it is important to remember that there are much more important things in life, and the small stuff, that tends to feel really significant at the time, doesn’t actually matter in the long run.(“Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). In week 4 we also discussed healthy relationships. I believe that this is one of the most important things in life. The people we surround ourselves with have such a large impact on not only our happiness but also who we are as individuals. Forming genuine connections with people who will support, but also challenge you is one of the best ways you can grow. People bring some of the most genuine happiness into our lives. Therefore, I think that maintaining meaningful connections is one of the best measures of self-worth. However, it is important to make sure you don’t allow yourself to fall into an unhealthy relationship. It is definitely important to form meaningful connections, but it is also important to keep your independence and individuality as well. It is good to care about the people in your life, but not to the point where it becomes unhealthy for both people involved. The “That’s not love” video points out the importance of recoginizing an unhealthy relationship because it can be easy to see some of the toxic behaviors in relationships as “acts out of love” when they are really not. While I do think that forming meaningful relationships is important, it is also just as important to keep your own beliefs and individuality intact through the process. (“Because I Love You, Double Whiskey" by One Love Foundation - Moreau FYE Week 4). In our discussion last week, we also talked about implicit bias and the importance of trying to get the whole story before making any stereotypes about people. In the “Danger of a Single Story” TED talk, Adichie talks about how we are often given only one side of a story that is usually skewed from the truth. She https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be talks about her roommate who had made certain assumptions about her before she had even met her based on where she was from. She relates this to her own experience with making assumptions about a family in her community because of their socioeconomic status. Our brains are programmed to categorize information and make generalizations. This often leads to implicit bias, which is a bias that we don’t intend to but can easily form if we aren’t careful about learning more before making assumptions (“Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week 7). Because you never really know anyone’s full story, it is important to act kindly towards everyone around you. There is no way of actually knowing the full story behind why people are the way they are, so it is important not to judge someone when you have no idea what their life is like. In week 6, we all wrote poems about where we are from. Each poem was so different and abstract, which just goes to show how different everyone’s experiences really are. The whole goal of the “Where I’m from Poem” initiative was to make this point that everyone has a unique backstory, so we shouldn’t judge people when we can never really understand the circumstances of their life. Our society as a whole is very judgemental of things that are different from us, but I believe that it is vital for us to remember that we never really know the whole story behind a person. That is why I believe that a good measure for self-worth is also how you treat the people around you (“Where I’m From Poem” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week 6). Overall, the relationships with the people around you is far more important than any achievement or success in life.