Integration One- 


I believe that, at my current point in life, I am searching for who I am. Up until this point in
my life, I feel like I have just been living for the next stage or chapter of my life. For the majority
of what I can remember, the next stage has always been college. In middle school and high
school, I shaped my interests around what I thought would help me get into a good college. I
joined clubs that I thought would look good on applications, clubs like student government,
national honor society and the math team. I took up new sports, playing tennis, track and
hockey so that I would be playing a sport every season during high school. I focused my efforts
in school on classes I thought would look the best, taking AP and IB classes focusing on STEM
classes. I did all of these things because I thought they would make me look better to a college.
Eventually, these activities became the things that I enjoyed doing and they became a large part
of who I was in high school.

Now that I made it into the next chapter of my life, college, I no longer have to worry
about looking good to a college admissions office. This has caused me to begin to reflect on the
reasoning behind why I did those activities in high school. If I only did them to get into college, I
wouldn’t have any reason to continue doing them in college. David Brooks discusses this topic
in his talk, Should You Live for your Resume or Your Eulogy?, where he breaks down the two
inter natures that guide our decision making process, our external and internal natures. He says
that our external nature is driven by an economic logic, while our internal logic is driven by a
moral logic. He also mentions that we are often in a state of struggle between these two natures
when we try to make decisions (Should You Live for your Resume or Your Eulogy? by David
Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). While I was reflecting on what I chose to spend my time
doing in high school, I realized that my external nature was heavily influencing my decisions. I
started doing those activities to get into a good college rather than because they were things
that I was actually interested in.

This realization caused me to begin to doubt myself. I didn’t know if I enjoyed doing
those things because I actually enjoyed them or because I had taught myself to enjoy them
since I was spending so much time doing them. This imposter syndrome was something that I
had faced when I went through the college application process. I found myself doubting if I was
actually good enough to get into the schools I was applying to. I was putting a lot of stress upon
myself because I believed that if I didn’t get into a “named” college then I would be a fraud who
had just faked his way through high school. During week five, when we were focusing on how
stories shape our journey, I found the reassurance that I was looking for in Carla Harris’s
speech. She said, “Don’t be distracted or deterred from any imposter syndrome. Any moment
where you find yourself, trust that the power within you has delivered you in perfect timing to
that very moment.” (Laetare Medalist Address by Carla Harris - Moreau FYE Week Five). Along
with this powerful quote that reassured me that I deserved to be where I was, Carla Harris also
discussed the importance of recognizing where we have come from and all the work we have
put in. This helped me a lot when I was doubting that I deserved to get into Notre Dame.
Looking back on all the work that I had put in and the time I spent allowed me to feel more
accomplished and confident in the fact that I ended up where I belong.

In order to find out who I am, I had to go on a journey of self-discovery. Father Pete
describes this as, “The greatest journey that you will ever go on” (“The Role of Faith in Our
Story” by Fr. Pete McCormick, C.S.C., - Moreau FYE Week Three). I couldn’t agree more with
Father Pete. I’ve only been in college for about two months but I’ve already learned so much



more about myself. I’ve taken Berne Brown’s advice and tried to let go of who I think I should be
in order to be who I am. (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week
One) I am no longer doing activities for the sole reason that it will look good to someone else. I
have begun to explore topics and activities that I am actually interested in and I have learned a
lot about myself. I learned that I have interests in playing spikeball and rock climbing. As my
elective, I took microeconomics and I found out that I really enjoyed it, to the point where I am
now considering potentially trying to get a focus in business or finance.

Although I believe that I am searching for who I am, I know that the answer does not lie
solely in myself. In Chimamanda Adichie’s TED talk, she warns of the danger of a single story
and how it will not give the full picture (“Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi
Adichie - Moreau FYE Week Seven). I know that I need to look at my environment, both the
aspects I can control and the ones that are out of my control, in order to determine who I am. A
large part of my environment is the people I choose to surround myself with. In week four, we
discussed life-giving relationships. I think Oliva Taylor perfectly summed up my view on positive
friendships. She says, “The best kind of friendships are the ones where you leave with a smile
on your face, knowing you’re both growing to be better people and that you’re helping each
other get there.” (5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship by Olivia Taylor - Moreau FYE Week
Four). I know that the people I surround myself with are going to have a huge impact on who I
become and I want friends who are going to help me grow into a better person.

During week 6 we wrote poems about where we were from. When discussing Where I’m
From poetry, George Lyon says “The question of where you are from reaches deep” ("Where I'm
From" by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). It goes beyond the location of where we
were born or where we moved to. It can encompass our family, our friends, our childhood,
experiences we had, games we played. Anything that had an impact on your life shaped where
you are from. I think that asking myself this question of where I am from has helped guide me
on my journey as I try to discover who I am.



Moreau Links:
Week 1-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-
Kd0&index=3

Week 2- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM

Week 3- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs

Week 4- https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/

Week 5- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjSwjn-SyB4

Week 6- http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html

Week 7- https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs
https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjSwjn-SyB4
http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html
https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story