Moreau FYE Integration 3 - Be The Light 



Moreau First Year Experience
Professor Wagner
4 March 2022

Be The Light

Maddy was a sweet girl. While her time on this earth was short-lived, there is no doubt
that she tried to live it to the fullest. She, like many others, made mistakes but tried her best to be
a good person and do the right thing. Oftentimes, she put others before herself, hoping to please
them rather than be happy herself. If she was tired, she’d still go out of her way to make a friend
smile. I remember talking to Maddy about this, recommending that she put herself first and take
time to be alone. Maddy insisted that she was fine, but I knew she wasn’t. In a day and age where
people can be contacted anytime, either in person, over a phone call, or through email, one barely
finds time for themself, especially when the other hours of the day are consumed with
homework. I told her to read Pico Iyer's “Why we need to slow down our lives,” as it dealt with
finding the time to rest, even if we did not consider ourselves worthy of that rest. One quote that
stood out to Maddy was the idea that “the more we can contact others, the more, it sometimes
seems, we lose contact with ourselves” ("Why we need to slow down our lives" by Pico Iyer,
TED - Moreau FYE Week One). Maddy, as an only child, always believed that she had to
surround herself with people to make up for the lack of siblings. It was in her alone time,
however, that she was able to truly be herself, without the worry of expressing her genuine
thoughts or feelings. She enjoyed the calm that came with being alone, and how her ideas were
fluid and natural. After reading Pico Iyer’s article, Maddy started taking time for herself, even if
it was just a ten-minute walk around campus. I could tell she was making an effort to distance
herself from the stress of everyday life. Still, whenever a friend needed her, she was always
there, even if it interrupted her alone time. I remember one specific time she was exhausted from
a hard week at school, but her friend called her crying because her boyfriend had broken up with
her. Maddy spent the whole weekend there for her friend, consoling her and helping her work
through the emotions, despite how tired Maddy was herself. Knowing that it was okay to put
herself first was something she ultimately had to work on. I know she was trying her best to do
this, as she recently began taking Friday nights to just relax and take care of herself. She would
wash her hair and face, buy a tub of ice cream, and just watch a movie, putting away all of her
homework and getting off social media. This helped center her and made her even brighter than
she was before.

There was no doubt that Maddy was there for others. It seems like this was just an
inherent part of her. She often told me that she tried to act as Father Ted Hesburgh would after
watching the Hesburgh movie, viewing people as purely human, and as brothers and sisters
under God.  She struggled with this sometimes, either getting upset over her roommate’s
uncleanliness or making initial judgments about people before she even got the chance to know
them. This did not define her, though. No, she tried to be the light for others, one that they could

https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/


come to without fear of getting burnt or turned away. She didn't just extend her hand to her
friends but also reached out to those she didn't know. One time, as Maddy was on her way to
class, she saw a girl slip on an icy sidewalk. She immediately rushed over to help the girl get up.
Maddy was not perfect, but she truly tried to act under the influence of Father Hesburgh, living
her life asking not what she could do for herself, but rather what she could do for others. Father
Hesburgh was her inspiration for a life well-lived, embodying Notre Dame’s central beliefs, and
living his life as a force for good. Like Father Hesburgh, she cherished the years she had on this
earth, and “spent time with the people [she] loved most in this life” ("Hesburgh" by Jerry Barca
and Christine O'Malley - Moreau FYE Week Two). She worked on showing kindness to those
around her by doing the small things, like holding the door for a stranger, or baking treats for her
friends. She told me before she passed that she also wanted to start getting involved with
volunteering somewhere around campus, although she did not know exactly where to go. I
believe this was because Maddy had listened to a TED talk by His Holiness Pope Francis. In this
TED talk, His Holiness Pope Francis explained how it is everyone’s responsibility to be tender to
one another and be sensitive to the needs of others. Maddy tried to listen to his advice and work
towards building an environment that was more inclusive for everyone. Whenever she
encountered those who were struggling to make ends meet or were being treated as less than
human, she too, like Pope Francis, found herself questioning, “why them and not me” (“Why the
only future worth building includes everyone” by His Holiness Pope Francis, TED Conferences -
Moreau FYE Week Seven). Specifically, she was moved by the fact that her ancestors were
persecuted in Cuba and forced to leave their home country. Luckily, kind people had taken them
into their jurisdiction and helped find them a home in Puerto Rico, where many of them still live
to this day.  It was because of this that she tried to be kind to everyone and take them into her
jurisdiction, even if she did not know them that well. She hoped to be like the individuals who
helped her family, and like Pope Francis, so that she could build a better future that included
everyone in it. She defined a life well-lived as actively working towards building community
with others, advocating for harmony and peace among people of different races, religions, and
cultures.

While it may have seemed that Maddy had an easy life, this was not entirely true. She
was blessed in many ways, and she knew that. She had parents who loved her, a roof over her
head, the opportunity to attend one of the best colleges in the country, and had amazing friends.
Maddy struggled with her mental health, however, often getting stuck inside her head. She would
fixate on an issue and then proceed to stress over it. She suffered from trichotillomania, a
hair-pulling disorder that worsened when her stress levels rose and would cause her to pick at her
eyebrows until they were bare. She had to learn coping mechanisms to curve the urge to pull, but
even those could not lessen the stress she felt. She constantly wondered why she had this
problem, blaming herself and only inflicting more emotional pain upon herself. She told me one
time that she read an article by Tasha Eurich that explained the importance of avoiding asking
“why” questions because of the “the negative impact it can have on our overall mental health”
(“The Right Way to be Introspective (Yes, There’s a Wrong Way)” by Tasha Eurich, TED

https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=10159379-7eca-4549-8581-ab9500c9ecd9
https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/transcript
https://www.ted.com/talks/his_holiness_pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/transcript
https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/


Conferences - Moreau FYE Week Six). After reading this, she instead began to ask “what can I
do in this moment,” instead of “why has this happened to me.” This helped change her outlook
on negative situations, most of the time, although she occasionally struggled with it from time to
time. I remember her telling me that she planned to focus on the present more instead of
worrying about the past or future, taking each day at a time and finding one good thing in that
day, even if it was tough or did not go entirely her way. She also planned to start visiting the
Grotto or Chapel in her dorm once a week to step away and ask God for strength.

Maddy placed a lot of her identity in her grades. She tried her best to accept the idea that
grades don’t define her, but she still struggled to accept when a grade was not what she wanted.
It wasn’t that she felt the need to get straight A’s, but was rather upset when she studied hard for
an exam and it did not go her way. She found inspiration, however, in Sister Alethia, a nun who
serves as a reminder that because of the bad we may encounter in our lives, we can appreciate
the good so much more. While college may have been hard for Maddy, all of the darkness, the
struggling, made her appreciate the friendships and relationships she had so much more. She
tried to follow Sister Alethia’s idea that “it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we
find light in them” ("Meet the nun who wants you to remember that you will die" by Ruth
Graham, NY Times - Moreau FYE Week Three). In her last few months, Maddy tried to
implement this outlook into her daily life. She would take time each day to appreciate what she
had done, instead of getting angry over something she had not. When there was a sunny day in
South Bend during the winter, she would take time to appreciate its warmth, rather than getting
angry over the permacloud. She tried to find joy in the small things, and rather than focusing
primarily on the large goal, she enjoyed the small victories that each moment provided. For
example, whenever she took an Organic Chemistry exam, she applauded herself for studying as
hard as she could and trying her best to learn the material. If the grade was not what she wanted,
she was disappointed, but she knew that she had done all she could. She would try to move
forward by reminding herself that it is not her grades that define her, but rather her actions
towards others.

Maddy was described by others as kind, good-hearted, and vivacious. Everyone seemed
to have a set idea about her. However, she never really knew who she was. She enjoyed a variety
of things, such as reading and baking, but never truly knew what she wanted to do with her life.
She knew that she wanted to go into the medical field, but all of her strengths resided in the
humanities and writing. The Meruelo Family Center for Career Development’s “Navigating Your
Career Journey” helped remind her that she did not need to know everything, as choosing a
career is not a linear path. There are times of second-guessing and discernment, but there is also
nothing wrong with that. It is through this process that one is able to learn more about
themselves. The article mentioned that “the only way to know more about yourself is to test the
waters,” and that the only way to do that is to “just get out and experience life” ("Navigating
Your Career Journey” by Meruelo Family Center for Career Development - Moreau FYE Week
Four). Maddy tried to implement this advice into her everyday life by trying to find joy in her
learning, especially in subjects like Biology and Organic Chemistry. She would try to focus on

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/14/us/memento-mori-nun.html
https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/
https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/


the interesting aspects of the subjects rather than simply memorizing them for an exam. This
helped her find meaning among the hardships she faced in these classes, and continue pushing
forward despite how difficult it became.

Maddy once had a conversation with her mother following the Week Five Discernment
Conversation Activity conversation guide. When she asked her mother when she was in her
zone, or most “herself,” her mother recalled a basketball game Maddy had played in fifth grade.
She told Maddy that she remembered that she “would just keep fighting and pushing through it
for [herself] and [the] team, and [she] was very tenacious” (“Week Five Discernment
Conversation Activity" - Moreau FYE Week Five). Her mom kept reiterating that she fought
through things that weren’t easy and that when she fell, she picked herself up. Maddy truly was a
fighter, choosing to push on instead of giving up in the face of adversity. Just as she got up in that
basketball game, she continued to get up when she was knocked down in life. Entering college
was difficult for Maddy, and she found herself not feeling smart or worthy enough after doing
subpar on one of her chemistry exams. While she may have shed some tears, she did not let this
define her. Instead, she kept studying, and wound up ending with a B+ in the class. While that
may not be a grade everyone is happy with, Maddy was proud of herself for fighting through,
even when it became tough.

Maddy may have been taken from this world too soon, but I think she truly did live a life
worth living. She tried to be a light amongst the darkness for others, even when she was
struggling. So, as we leave here today, I encourage you too to be the light for others to follow, to
go out of your way for others, and to find what makes you smile. Live a life worth living, and
don’t be afraid to test the waters. Maddy would have wanted you to do so.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yZ7hqvx-u4EuW2nlK-fRbWFiurQm1mZv_KpoeeiN4So/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yZ7hqvx-u4EuW2nlK-fRbWFiurQm1mZv_KpoeeiN4So/edit