Integration Two Boennighausen 1 Integration Two 3 December 2021 Encountering Traditional College Challenges and Responding with Mindset, Compromise, and Hope Being a freshman in college has provided many opportunities for me to encounter new experiences. With every new thing I encounter, I must figure out how to respond in a way that is consistent with my personal values, needs, and desires. One of the first traditional college experiences I encountered was attempting to find a community or group of people I was comfortable around. This is usually a challenge, and I was not expecting to find a community that quickly. But I’m lucky to have already found not one, but three. I have a solid group of friends within my dorm, JFam; I have fellow players on the Ultimate Frisbee team; and I have the cast and crew of PEMCo, the student-run musical theater group on campus. In Week 11, there was an emphasis on community. One of the sources talked about how “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” so we shouldn’t be stressed about seeking it out (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). At the time I questioned this part of the text because I’ve had experience with some spaces, such as the really large table in South Dining Hall, being inherently unwelcoming. Jesus Table’s physical features create a power dynamic that fosters already existing communities while intimidating those without a community. I still have this concern, but now I’ve come across an additional problem on the other side of this topic. Whether I’ve seeked them out or they were given to me, I am now a part of three communities that all give plentiful opportunities for interaction and bonding. But it’s impossible for me to take part in everything each of them does because there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. So while it feels like I’ve been given the great gift of multiple communities to lean on, sometimes this gift begins to feel like a burden on days when I have to choose one over the others. I haven’t fully dealt with what I’ve encountered when it comes to my conflicting communities, but I believe I can find some relief through self reflection about the difference between missing out on events and not having any events to go to at all. In Week 9, we talked about imposter syndrome as well as expectations. One quote that really stood out to me was about how people “set expectations for themselves” that they believe “symbolize their worth as people” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). During that week I reflected on how I often see the goals I set for myself as expectations. So when I fail to reach a goal, I am not satisfied by the fact that I tried; I’m frustrated with my lack of ability to meet the “expectation.” Whenever I remember this, I feel better about not finishing all the homework I wanted to get done one day because I realize I’m just creating more stress for myself out of a non-stressful situation. I believe I can apply the same http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Boennighausen 2 strategy to my fear of missing out on even just one bonding opportunity with one of my communities. If I remember that I wouldn’t truly be “missing out” on opportunities to interact and connect with others unless I did not find these communities in the first place, then I feel better about skipping an activity. Knowing I’m still part of the community even if I’m not 100% committed to all the community’s events reassures me that even if I’m missing an event, I’m not missing out on the relationships that form over longer periods than just one night. So the next time I have to decide between watching SNL with my JFam friend, seeing a musical with PEMCo, or having team dinner with Ultimate Frisbee, I will try to be grateful just for having so many options for something to do on a Monday night. Another traditional college challenge I’ve encountered this semester is living with a roommate. We get along fine during the day, but there is some unaddressed tension that I believe occurs at night. My roommate usually goes to bed after me and wakes up before me, and from my perspective she is not very good at being quiet. I know some of my trouble is that I’m not used to sleeping with another person in the room and I know that is not her fault. I’ve had some success with eye masks and ear plugs. But opting to just block out all the light and noise on my end may not be the best solution because it doesn’t exactly address the core of the problem, and there was one instance where I actually communicated with my roommate and we settled on a compromise. In Week 10, we read Father Jenkins 2012 Commencement Address, where he touched on the issues of hatred and compromise. A question he posed that stood out to me was, “When I refuse to compromise, is it because I love a principle, or because I hate the people on the other side?” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Father Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week 10). Reading this, I think of politics, and more specifically, partisanship in Congress. But this seems like an extreme thing to apply to two college roommates. I realized that whatever conflict I had with my roommate wasn’t subject to national debate and centuries of two-party arguments. All I needed to do was talk to her. At one point in the semester, my roommate asked if we could turn off the fan while we slept because she had trouble sleeping with it on. At first, I immediately just said yes because I hate conflict. But the next day, I decided to tell her that I needed the fan on while I fell asleep because it helps drown out noise. I’m so glad I did that because we settled on a compromise: I would turn the fan on when I went to bed so I could fall asleep easier, then my roommate would turn it off when she went to bed. With any trouble that I have encountered or will encounter, there’s always a way to respond to it. Each situation requires a different approach, but they are all based on one thing: hope. In Week 12, we read a text that said, “Moreau prayed that students would remember what they were at Sainte-Croix...but ultimately he could only hope” (“Holy Cross and Christan Education” pg 15 by Campus Ministry - Moreau FYE Week 12). So even when I have trouble grappling with the many communities I’m trying to be a part of or I’m frustrated with my roommate situation, having hope that things will get better or that it’s not the end of the world can make the load a lot more bearable. It always seems kind of cheesy to me, but when we had that final discussion about hope in class, I tried to take that with me to the library afterward when I had three essays to write. It still was not a fun time, but remaining positive and hopeful got me https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28177/files/188503?module_item_id=105314 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28177/files/188503?module_item_id=105314 Boennighausen 3 actually writing ideas down. So when all else fails or I simply do not know how to respond to a situation, I’ll always have hope.