Integration Tyler Martino Integration Moreau 10/15/21 College: The Time for Mental Growth and Personal Reflection College is a time of individual growth and self-discovery. Throughout the past few weeks, I’ve been witness to many different changes in both my personal and academic lives that have stemmed directly from my experiences at Notre Dame. The people I have met and the events that I have been exposed to have all contributed to make me aware of what I believe in. This Moreau course has helped me to become aware of these changes as they happen in real time, and have given me the building blocks necessary to help me discern what has shaped me and my beliefs up to this point in my life. I have been the lucky recipient of love in my life: growing up in a loving household around caring friends has helped me to understand the importance of this emotion in our world. Through my experiences with others in and around campus, I have come to the belief that the most important thing that I can give to this world is my love and attention. In her Ted Talk, Brené Brown explains that “There’s only one variable that separates the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging from those who really struggle for it, and that is the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). I have always been taught to treat people with love and respect, and in recent weeks I’ve been the lucky recipient of reciprocated love. New college students are inundated with countless experiences and expectations that reshape our lives as we know it. The only way to get through it properly is when we have a firm group of people around us helping to promote a sense of belonging. There were several times during my first week at Notre Dame where I felt isolated and lonely, but when it reached a level that I was uncomfortable with there would always be someone who would reach out or introduce themself that would ease my nerves and make me feel deserving of belonging. Throughout our lives there will always be a search for knowledge about who we are as an individual. No matter how well we think we know ourselves, there is always something new that makes itself known. I believe that I will always be searching for new things about myself throughout my life, and that it is my responsibility to explore those ideas in order to make myself a better person. According to David Brooks, “We happen to live in a society that favors Adam 1, and neglects Adam 2. The problem is that it turns you into a shrewd animal, who treats life as a game, and you become a cold, calculating creature who slips into a sort of mediocrity” ("Should You Live for your Resume or Your Eulogy?" by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two) . This quote explores the idea of who people have the potential of becoming if they don’t pay attention to the practices that make us better people. After taking a personality test for this module, I received the following characteristics: honesty, fairness, forgiveness, and kindness. If I know myself like I think I do , I think those traits are relatively accurate. I strive for honesty, and am kind to a fault. I like to think that I’m respectful to everyone I encounter, no matter who they are or what my opinions of them are. Through my experience as a cashier I’ve found that kindness, understanding and patience can break through in even the most hostile and ill-tempered situations. Comparing those traits with the points made by Mr. Brooks, I think that I am on the path to making a good eulogy for myself. While I am certainly looking to build up my resume (I don’t think Harvard medical school would would be jumping to accept a resume from a kid who’s got one year of experience cashiering for BJ’s Wholesale Club), my main focus is on the humanity and morality that will make me the best person and best professional I can be. College is the first time where kids are expected to do everything completely on their own without the supervision of their parents. I believe that I am an independent person who is able to learn and live on my own, yet I am also extremely dependent on the love and support that comes from my friends and family. As Father Pete McCormick says in his video for this week, “When I was driving with my parents, all roads would lead home. When I was driving by myself, it was a little more unclear” ("The Role of Faith In Our Story" by Fr. Pete McCormick - Moreau FYE Week 3). As humans, the love and support that we receive from others is imperative to a meaningful and happy life. Without guidance and help from others, we become lost and confused as to where we are supposed to be going on our personal journey. This quote reflects that perfectly, especially from the standpoint of a young adult who is finally learning what it’s like to be “on their own”. Growing up, we have a plethora of resources at our fingertips: siblings, teachers, friends, and most of all parents. They’re all helping us through our formative years whether we know it or not, and we can become blind to the fact that these influences are there. But once we are thrust into a new and confusing environment completely alone, we realize how big and empty this world can be. I’ve certainly experienced that as I adjust to college life, looking for friends and mentors among a sea of people who I don’t know. It’s daunting, but necessary to improve upon yourself as a student, and as a person. Relationships are a necessary and crucial part of life that require time and effort to maintain. I believe that relationships are the way to a happy life, both for yourself and those who you have the relationships with. One quote from the week that stood out to me was “Attention is one of the rarest forms of love” ("5 Signs You're In a Toxic Relationship" by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week 4). As someone who has grown up in the age of phones and electronics, I’ve become accustomed to people not being fully present in conversations (and guilty of it too. I like to think of myself as a multitasker, but the more I try the more I realize it’s impossible to properly pay attention to two things at the same time). Complete, unwavering attention is becoming quite hard to comeby these days. Looking at phones at the dinner table, listening to someone talk while simultaneously scrolling through Instagram feeds, and, of course, doing homework while watching the Bills on Sunday are all common examples of this new form of chronic multitasking. I have had plenty of instances where I feel as if I’m not being properly listened to, and I try my best to make sure others don’t feel like that when talking to me. When you’re in a committed relationship with someone in any capacity, you should be genuinely interested in what they have to say. Anything less should make you reconsider the priorities in the relationship and see what you can change to make things right. When you give someone your full attention, it is a testament to how much you care about them in a truly loving way. Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, and going to college for the first time is one of the greatest examples of this. But being able to get over this fear and recognize opportunities instead of obstacles is one of the greatest habits we can employ. I believe that fear is a necessary part of life, but it’s detrimental effects can be mitigated through certain mindsets and positive mental techniques. In Carla Harris’s Laetare Medal speech, she says that “Fear is just ‘False Evidence of things Appearing Real” ("2021 Laetare Medal Address" by Carla Harris - Moreau FYE Week 5). Ever since I was a young boy I’ve loved collecting quotes. If something strikes me as interesting or intriguing, I’ll write it down in a big book that I’ve compiled of things that I’ve heard throughout the years. The quote that started it all (which just so happens to be my favorite quote) is from the movie “A Bronx Tale”. Robert de Niro pulls his son aside and tells him that “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent”. This is the quote that would always pop in my head whenever I was tired of schoolwork, or thought that I wasn’t good enough to do something throughout my formative years, and because I’ve followed that mantra I’ve found my way to my dream school of Notre Dame. One of the other quotes in that book is one from Mark Twain which I think really pertains to the one mentioned above from Carla Harris. Twain writes that “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”. When we fear something, we give it power over us. The thought of it is often worse than the reality, which is ironic since we don’t have to think about it at all yet we force ourselves to go through that mental strife in preparation for the task ahead. If we can realize that fear is something that can be countered with reason, as well as muster the courage to see what is truly there (or not really there, according to Twain), we will be better people for it. We are all shaped by our experiences in life, whether we know it or not. Change is inevitable, which can either be used to our advantage, or can turn into a hindrance. I believe that I am inextricably linked to certain aspects of my childhood, and these are what have led me to become the person I am today. In the poem from this week’s materials, the poet writes “I am from those moments/snapped before I budded/leaf-fall from the family tree” ("Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week 6). This poem builds upon the idea that we all come from certain things that we can neither explain nor recognize. It’s only through retrospection and time that we can see some of the events that shape us into who we are today. In my poem I talked about how I come from a “a little-big town, with quietly incredible people/I hope to one day walk in their shoes”, because my neighborhood and my city have both ingrained in me a sense of leadership and humble respectability that I value immensely. I’ve interacted with and learned from so many people, and I can pinpoint certain areas of my personality that have been shaped by these encounters. Realizing that other people have different perspectives is one of the most important yet least utilized skills in society. People are quick to judge those who do not share the same opinion without trying to understand why someone might feel the way they do about a certain topic. After all, no one is a firm activist for something without a reason. I believe that I am a person who is able to look at both sides of the argument without being so quick to judge as to disregard the other person’s opinion. The quote from this week was “The collapse of trust, the rise of animosity -- these are emotional problems, not intellectual ones” (https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/01/opinion/patriotism-misinformation.html?referringSource= articleShare by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week 7). This quote is a profound look at the current state of our country, and most importantly our world as a whole. As can often be seen in high-stakes situations, emotion gets the best of us and drives our actions when our rational mind should be the one behind the wheel. In this era of manipulation and alternative truth, many people are preying on the emotional impulses of others in order to obtain a specific result. New and other media use clickbait in order to arouse an emotional response in viewers that make them think “How dare they!” instead of asking “Why did they?”. There are two sides to every argument, but if someone is riled up enough then there is only one in their mind. Even the most intellectual people can be taken over by these impulses, which is the most troubling part about this current habit of society. Through my time at Notre Dame, I’ve discovered more about myself than I can comprehend, and this education of mind and body will not be coming to an end anytime soon. As the weeks roll on, the lessons that we learn in Moreau will only become more prevalent as we continue to search for who we are, and who we believe we are becoming.