Moreau First Year Experience Integration 2 Megan McIntyre 11/23/21 Oh How I’ve Grown What are some of the most important questions I’ve asked this semester? This semester has truly allowed me to delve into questions I did not even know I could ask about myself. For example, I questioned how I choose my friendships. The Commencement Address allowed me to contemplate the people I choose to surround myself with. Often, I realize, I choose people because they are similar to me in some way, making them easier to initially connect with. “We are like actors following the script for creating factions: Develop strong convictions. Group up with like-minded people. Shun the others. Play the victim. Blame the enemy. Stoke grievance. Never compromise.” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” - Moreau FYE Week 10). This quote stood out to me while reading the Commencement Address. I fully agree with the idea that we, as a general population of humans, struggle to surround ourselves with those who differ from us. While I had never really considered what drew me to my friends back home, here at Notre Dame I have found myself questioning this. I now make an effort to befriend those who differ from me. For example, I have befriended a girl in my biology class who is from Brazil. She taught me all about a lot of the foods she eats at home, as well as her family’s traditions and activities on the holidays. We take lunch breaks after class together, and I find it so refreshing and enlightening to learn from someone the whole time I speak to them. This friendship we have cultivated is especially valuable to me because my new friend offers a completely new perspective, widening my horizons to the rest of the world rather than enclosing me in the bubble of likeness. Another question I have asked is “How can I learn more about unfamiliar concepts?” This has helped me to learn about the cultures I was not previously exposed to. When we just know a bit more about other people and their ways of life, our relationships can flourish even more. Because I have started asking these questions, I have become exposed to an entirely new culture, and I expect to be exposed to many more. In that way, I have begun to reject the quote from the commencement address: I have stopped surrounding myself with like-minded people, but begun trying to learn from those who differ from me. This helps to prevent the factioning that naturally occurs here at Notre Dame and in society as a whole, allowing us all to be brought closer together. What has grown or decreased in importance as a result of my Notre Dame journey thus far? Being vulnerable in order to connect with others is something that has increased in importance for me since the beginning of my Notre Dame journey. While I previously valued my relationships, coming to a completely new location, exposed to so many unfamiliar things, I realized how important having support and comfort from others is. One thing that limited the depth of my relationships is being closed-off due to insecurities. For a community to manifest, we must first have “a capacity for connectedness—a capacity to resist the forces of disconnection with which our culture and our psyches are riddled.” ("With Voices True Snapshot Summary" Klau Center Archive - Moreau FYE Week 11) Keeping this idea in mind, I have found that the relationships I began building just a few months ago have flourished to become even greater than some of the relationships I spent years building in my hometown. For example, I found myself sharing deeper aspects of myself with friends I have made here than I have ever shared with some friends I have back home. I shared about my relationship with my mother and the pressure I am under from a lot of my family. I didn’t realize that many of them would relate to me- building our friendship as we went through the same struggles. I realized here that expressing vulnerability is what allows us to build the strongest relationships, as we can truly connect only when the whole truth is shared. What was previously “black and white” that is now more ambiguous, nuanced, or complicated? I used to feel the need to attend social events at every opportunity. However, my desire has become more nuanced in college. In high school, attending every event was something I felt I simply had to do- that it was a requirement if I wanted to maintain friendships or have any fun in high school. However, since coming here to Notre Dame, I have realized that it is not necessary to “go out” all the time, or to go to every party and social gathering I have been invited to. I have learned that I have the ability to say no when I want to, without a better reason than “I don’t want to.” “You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life. (Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). The Week 9 assignment helped me to realize I can take my time and put myself first to find the people who truly care about me. The road to having friendships seemed black and white before: rush to meet new people, then go do fun things with them, and try to meet more people to accumulate new friends. While I still enjoy being social and attending fun events, I no longer feel the crippling need to attend every one of them, regardless of whether I am in the mood or not. I have realized that those around me will understand when I don't want to go- whether it’s because I have a lot of work, I’m tired, the event is not my thing, or I simply don't feel like going. Building relationships is much more nuanced than going through the motions. What was once ambiguous or vague that now holds greater clarity? Something that was once unclear to me was the importance of seeking support from others, especially in times of distress. Coming into Notre Dame, I had mostly dealt with the stress, pressure, and high expectations that weighed me down all by myself. At the time, I didn’t think that others could relate to me. I believed that they would find me unnecessarily stressed about success, or would belittle my problems. However, being separated from my family and thrust into a brand new environment, I realized how necessary support from others truly is, because I needed it more than ever. The in-class exercise in which we drew graphs of our feelings/state during the past few months helped me to conclude what I had already begun to realize: there are a lot more people who can relate to you than you might think. While the timing of my classmates’ and my low points differed slightly, I realized that I was not alone in my sadness, my states of anxiety and stress. My classmates shared similar reasons for their highs and lows, and we spoke about what we did to combat these low points. From surface-level conversations, it is difficult if not impossible to realize how people are truly feeling. However, what now holds greater clarity is the support that we can provide each other as we struggle through tough times together. For example, when I was feeling really lost here when it came to making new friends, I turned to my high school friends, who were feeling the same way. Even though they were hundreds of miles away, their support and just having someone to vent to helped me through it. Talking to them allowed me to realize that I truly wasn’t the only one who felt a bit out of place, and that it was okay to still be figuring everything out. C.S. Lewis writes that, “it is during such trough periods that [humans grow] into the sort of creature He wants it to be.” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE week 12) These troughs mentioned represent low points in our lives. C.S. Lewis describes human life as “undulating”- rising and falling like waves. Having high points and low points in life is simply unavoidable- an intrinsic characteristic of human life. What matters is not how high we rise, or how long we stay in a trough, but how we react to low points, how we pull ourselves out. Comment by Michael Comuniello: @mmcinty3@nd.edu -- Thank you so much for submitting a rough draft of your integration assignment! Overall, it's well-organized and well-written! As noted by my previous comments, the only area for growth I'll note here is more thoroughly integrating your own experiences from the semester into your reflection; you do this very well, and some minor edits should bring your integration over the top! If after reading my comments you have questions, please let me know. Blue skies, Mike Expected Grade: 282/300 _Assigned to Megan McIntyre_ Comment by Megan McIntyre: Thanks so much for looking this over for me!! I hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving Break. Wishing you the best:)) Thank you for an awesome semester.