Integration 2


Arcidiacono 1

Redefining Myself

One of the most defining questions I have asked myself this semester is who I am here

at Notre Dame. Back in high school, I always saw myself as the smart quirky kid, but now I

completely surrounded by really smart quirky kids. I had set this expectation for myself that I

would stand out by being really smart, but now that doesn’t work anymore. Having realized that,

I started to put into question some of the other expectations that I have for myself. I asked

myself if I really wanted to be an aerospace engineer or if thats just what I told my friends

because it sounds impressive. Ultimately, I ended up throwing out most of my expectations

about who I should be. This is pretty much exactly the point Julia Hogan makes in her article

about expectations. She says: “The point is, these expectations are all arbitrary and not

definitive rules for the only way to live life” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit”

by Julia Hogan, FYE Week 9). In other words, expectations are more limiting than freeing, and

we don’t need them to become who we really want to be.

Another occurrence that has shaped me over this past has been the humbling

experience of coming to a new place with no one I know. I was very confident and comfortable

during my senior of high school because I finally felt like I had mastered high school. I felt as

though I had the world wrapped around my finger. However, when I showed up at Notre Dame I

realized that I was completely alone. I didn’t know a single other freshman and I realized just

how hopeless life is without a friend group to support you. I saw that the reason I was able to

navigate high school successfully was that I had an amazing network of friends who inspired

and supported me. This sudden humility goes hand in hand with one of Parker Palmer’s points

in his article on community: “When I flourish, it is easy to maintain the illusion of separateness,

easy to imagine that I alone am responsible for my good fortune.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at

Comunity” by Parker Palmer, FYE Week 11). When I read this, I looked back on my high school

days and realized just how arrogant I was. I thought I was responsible for my success, but

coming here to college helped me realize just how much I depend on my amazing friends.

https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau
http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/
http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/


Arcidiacono 2

Another thing I learned from this initial loneliness is just how much can be learned from

periods of weakness. We oftentimes only see the bad when things are going poorly, but there is

so much gold hidden beneath that layer of pain. It is really hard to find the good in the bad, but it

is there. In addition to seeing how I should be more humble from coming here with no friends, I

also learned a lot from the spring registration nightmare. I got a late time for registration for my

spring classes and almost every class I wanted to take was full. I was even worried that I

wouldn’t be able to get into the classes I needed to graduate on time. I spent a lot of time

stressing out about the whole thing and exchanging emails with my advisor. I kept telling myself

that God was watching over me and everything would work out but I got really stressed

nonetheless. In the end, I got a schedule that had all the classes I needed as well as a few that

just looked plain interesting. I should have listened to the voice telling me to trust in God but I

just didn’t believe it for some reason. Once my worrying proved to be for nothing, I realized that I

really need to put more faith in God. I learned something and grew closer to God despite going

through a really stressful circumstance. “The Screwtape Letters” also deals with this idea of

learning from the bad times in Chapter 8: “in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul,

He relies more on the troughs even more than the peaks” (“The Screwtape Letters” Chapter 8

by C.S. Lewis, FYE Week 12). While I didn’t realize it at the time, God was using that event to

help me grow closer to Him and trust Him more, just like what Screwtape was warning about.

Even from the tough times here at Notre Dame God has helped me grow.

One last thing that has really had an impact on me since I have arrived here is

encountering people with who I disagree. I of course disagreed with people before coming here,

but I have never encountered so many different ideas in one place. Before, I could mostly rely

on either avoiding people I disagree with, but some of my best friends here have very different

political ideas from me and I really want those friendships to continue. How can a friendship like

that even work? Luckily, I have learned to understand where my friends are coming from and

respect their opinions although they differ from mine. I still don’t agree with them about

https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28315/files/191230?module_item_id=108039


Arcidiacono 3

everything, but I have been able to find the merit in their ideas rather than just the flaws. Without

seeing the good in my friends and their ideas I would not be able to maintain that friendship.

This is similar to the point Father Jenkins made in his 2012 Commencement Address: “A

country whose citizens treat one another with scorn does not have a bright future” (“Wesley

Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr John Jenkins, FYE Week 10). Just

as a country cannot stand if its citizens treat each other with scorn, neither can a friendship if

the friends treat each other with scorn. I have seen firsthand that befriending people with who

you disagree is actually very easy if you treat them with respect and get to know them. There is

so much to gain from having friends who disagree with you because you learn how to

understand them despite your differences.

https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/
https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/