Moreau FYE 2 An Unexpected Expectation College has been everything that I didn’t expect it to be. I envisioned college to be full of anxiety and discomfort— fulfilling and enjoyable, but stressful. However, what I didn’t foresee was the mindset I would quickly develop. Coming to this school, I’ve quickly felt full and like I belong almost naturally. The difficult adjustments I thought I would have to make physically and mentally occurred almost seamlessly. I feel more independent and confident, and better suited to my environment. As I reflect on my time so far, I believe that the University of Notre Dame is the place I was meant to be at. Moving on in my journey, I understand I will encounter challenges both good and bad, but I have faith in myself to be prepared to advance and take risks as I continue working to find myself. In high school, I defined myself heavily by the expectations I held for myself. Similar to a quote by Julia Hogan, “expectations are the bars we set for ourselves. When we meet (or surpass) them, we feel like we are worthy. If we don’t meet those expectations, we feel like the exact opposite — that we aren’t good enough” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). Despite the hard work I put in, I found myself reflecting my value on productivity and test scores. If I scored highly, I would credit myself the bare minimum and consider it getting by; when I did poorly I was convinced there was no success for me in the world. However, one semester into college has helped me to overcome this unhealthy belief. Being at Notre Dame, I realize that no matter how hard I work, nothing will go as smoothly as I anticipate. For that reason, I have not defined myself by numbers and scores, instead I made sure to leave gaps in my schedule to do things that make me feel good about myself such as working out, taking walks, having a meal I enjoy, meeting with friends and attending mass. I even found myself more productive when I didn’t force myself to study long hours. Through this, I’ve found that it is important to not overwhelm myself with expectations. https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Some things need to come more naturally and although it requires more patience, fulfillment will come more happily and healthily. Another pressure I put on myself was to perfect every aspect of my life. College life has really been something to challenge this belief. Being thrown into a world of independence, there are a lot of pressures that I didn’t quite realize I would face. At home I was fortunate to have everything set out for me by my mom— I didn’t have to worry about even a meal because it would always be ready on the table for me. Yet, I remember thinking that it would be easier at school, when I had a shorter class schedule and full control of my time. However, not everything went quite so smoothly and I soon found myself having much less time and much more stress than I anticipated. As said by Fr. Jenkins, “the many demands of life were pushing you in other directions, and you pushed back. Even if the Spirit called you here, the world did not make it easy to arrive” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 10). Being at school there has been countless pressures to face. Class may last only a couple of hours a day, but alongside this came quick-paced academics, social and internal pressures. Some days I would forget a meal as I was preoccupied with other things. There was definitely no easy way to be here, yet I firmly believe there is no better place for me. I recognize that nothing in life is intended to come easy and without planning, but it also doesn’t need to come in such a perfect way. So far, these challenges have been necessary to shape my mentality for the better, and I find myself fulfilled with my progress. However, these challenges haven’t been ones to face alone. Prior to enrolling at Notre Dame, I spoke to several people affiliated with the school through family, friends or other alums, and one of the most mentioned qualities about the school was the community. Since coming here, I feel I have already seen some extent of this praised community, and it has become something I also so quickly find myself appreciating. Throughout the semester, I’ve been very https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ good about keeping in touch with my family. My sister is a junior at another university, and loves to tease me about being at the library on a daily basis. However, I started to ask myself, why am I always there? I’m not always getting so much work done, but instead I found myself always very happy to have quick, passing conversations with classmates and friends. I had yet to fully appreciate all the wonderful people I already feel so connected with at this school. Not only this, but I have participated in many fun events such as the first snowball fight or Ryan Thanksgiving and FJ’s cookie nights. These are all things that my sister tells me she wishes her university had, but it’s simply lacking the same community. For that reason, I firmly agree with Palmer on his quote, “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). Not every school has such a wonderful community. Yet, it is not something to be forced or expected, instead it needs to be tended to and built. Notre Dame has helped me to upraise honest, natural connections with people that I feel is lacking in a lot of today’s world. These connections are all blessings to me that I could not have made anywhere else. The variety of amazing people I’ve come across is so special and something I will be so appreciative of moving forward in life. One final lesson I’ve learned is the importance of patience. Through life, I will encounter a variety of experiences and there will always be a wrong and right way to respond, but sometimes it will be a little more vague. As said by the devil, “we can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better… [God] wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). Almost every predicament will have an easy answer, however, sometimes it isn’t always easy to pick. Human nature wants to be impatient and pick what is best for themselves, but it is the devil that is trying to tempt us and make us dependent and reliant. On the other hand, God gives us his hand and wants to teach http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/27120/files/186053?module_item_id=102829 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/27120/files/186053?module_item_id=102829 us to walk by his side. I feel that this semester has strengthened my faith and helped me to find more purpose within myself. Temptations are short-lived and empty; I need to focus on long term goals and happiness to find the ultimate fulfillment— even if it means less immediate benefits. I accept the fact that I am a work-in-progress and that I will make mistakes and sometimes fall short. However, I am patient to become the best version of myself and fulfill what God intended of me. Today, in the last couple weeks of my first semester of freshman year, I look back with a different mentality. I understand that I am meant to face challenges and temptations, and that they won’t always be easy, but that I was intended to have made it this far. I feel I’ve made progress on my journey to self-fulfillment, through more realistic expectations and greater responsibility, and undoubtedly the relationships I’ve developed. I am proud of myself so far, but also carry a lot of gratitude for the environment that has allowed me to do so. I am thankful for Notre Dame, and will continue to make the most of the time I have here as I continue to walk with faith, patience and pride.