The Stage of Popish toys: Containing both Tragical and Comical parts: played by the romish roisters of former age: notably describing them by degrees in their colours.  
Collected out of H. STEPHANUS in his Apology upon HERODOT.  
With a friendly forewarning to our Catelin Catholics: and a brief admonition, of the sundry benefits we receive by her Ma: blessed government over us. Compiled by G. N.  
Printed by Henry Binneman. ANNO DOMINI. 1581. Cum Privilegio.   

TO THE RIGHT Honourable, Sir Christopher Hatton, Knight, Captain of her majesties Guard, Vizchamberlaine to her highness, and of her majesties most honourable privy Counsel.  
SAge Sibilla (right honourable) said to Aeneas that no way could be closed against Virtue: affirming that all actions happily succeeded whatsoever the attempt be, Virtute duce. And Theodorus Biblian der defineth Virtue to be invested with divers titles, according to the diversity of her proper motions, as in discerning the deceit of man's traditions, in choosing the verity, and in flying false Hypocrisy, she is called Prudence: in maintaining God's glory, in withstanding the Pope's tyranny, and in defending the true fellowship of 
Prudence.  Christian society, she is named Fortitude: in suppressing Idolatry, in embracing mercy, and in advancing the ministers of his heavenly 
Fortitude.  majesty, she is said to be justice, in moderating Romish furies, and weak affections, in qualifying Popish quarrels, and perverse conditions, 
justice.  & in using either to bring both to the true use of God's word, she is termed Temperance. A Prince with these pillars doth ever prevail: a tree with these branches, doth ever blossom, & a body with 
Temperance.  these members overcometh the labours of Hercules. Besides these general graces of Virtue, there are two special precedents chiefly to be looked into, the cause, and the execution, both which, your honour (whose forward favour to all Christ's professors (under her Majesty) among the rest of right honourable) long since considered of, performing, confirming, & executing the effect, in such famous sort as the whole World is amazed and mated at her majesties most happy and blessed government, whereby you have hitherto proved in your noble person, Sibylla's sayings to be true, that nothing can prevail against this divine Virtue: which some define to be God himself. And now, seeing his ancient and opposite enemy the Pope, hath foisted in among us Pettifoggers, who (like sheet stealers, tinkers, or Connyskin buyers) creep in corners to utter their trash, my fortune being (by a French man) to meet with a pack of their paltry, I presume in humble sort to present the first show thereof to your honour, wherein if I play the bad peddler (so your honour pardon me) I force not, for truly I am not their feed Broker. I have entitled it The Stage of Popish toys, as a most meet term for the matter. the sum & substance whereof I confess to have collected out of H: Stephanus in his Apology upon Herodot, who coateth them in their Couchanele colours: and therefore if any part have his wrong die, I must yield to the fault, and excuse my Author. But myself (without vaunt) a martial professor, and continually armed to the proof with a serviceable & dutiful heart to your honour: I hope my errors shall pass for the easier payment, and be the better born with, for that hereby I affirm this ancient Emblem, In utrumque paratus, and vow my daily prayer, for the proceeding and increasing of that which God at the first placed in you, and is according to the saying of Plato, No man to be noble without a heavenly inspiration.  
Your honours most bound servant in all humble duty. GEORGE NORTH.   

¶ The Stage of Popish toys.  
THe Locretians had a special law, worthy to be noted of all good governed common wealths, and chiefly of us Englishmen, in these dangerous times, if every one would look into his duty as he ought: For whosoever presumed to call in question, any thing that passed, by the decree of those, who were authorized by the Prince, to devise, publish and establish good laws among them, should be freely heard, so he came collered with a halter about his neck, to the end, that delivering probable argument to maintain his presumption, confounding (in reasonable judgement) the same he argued on, and approving his Council to stand more with a common wealth: he was unarmed of his Hemp, highly commended and preferred, both by Prince and people. But if he were convicted in his arrogancy, and found more busy to reprove, than wise to maintain: he was strait trussed up according to desert, whiles his fault and folly was in memory.  
Socrates gave less liberty to his Citizens, for he would have no law disputed of openly, not of those that had the authority to reform them: much less that any other (either publicly or privately) should dare maintain argument of them: For he considered how laws are scanned, when they come to the discussing of the common sort.  
If England (whose government by God's great blessing, executed in the person of our most sacred Sovereign) had the laws of Locretia, or the sharp precepts of Socrates, our Papists durst not (for the rope) contend so openly, nor for fear of due justice, presume so boldly (of their errors) as they do. But such hath been her majesties mercy to them all, in pardoning, prolonging, bearing and forbearing, hoping that God would convert them, or duty reclaim them, covering with equal care to confirm her loving subjects, in one mind, in one obedience, and in one profession, as they (abusing her gracious clemency) wax more indurate, and wilfully run into all the ills that may be:  
If they would desire God to give them the true knowledge of his word, and steadfastly persever in prayer, to be instructed by his holy spirit: no doubt but his divine Majesty would so open the eyes of their reason, as they should see what danger they dwell in, to the everlasting destruction of their Souls, and what cunning hath kept them in their error from the beginning: which true judgement can no way be attained unto, unless we constantly continue in prayer, till we perfectly feel and justly find (in ourselves) his heavenly blessing confirmed in us.  
How many in all ages (even from the first creation of man) have delivered (in the testimony of their blood) the most abominable abuses of that romish Antichrist, on whom you so much depend? how many of all Nations, most excellent and learned writers (by the authority of the sacred Scriptures) have published infinite volumes, showing & approving the most joyful fruits of the true & perfect profession of Christ crucified, and how these two do differ (in all degrees) no true Christian but knoweth, so far as God may excel man, is not to be doubted: But so far as his wickedness may match with the hateful sin of Lucifer, to the malice of the heavenly Majesty, this proud beast presumeth on. Have the clouds of error so covered you as you cannot see? hath the mists of ignorance of meshid you, as you will not understand? or doth the fury of Pharaoh so bewitch you as you are become desperate? will not Moses move you, will not Gods word win you, nor his threatenings reclaim you, except you have miracles? can nothing but a Pope and his Pardons please you: your Pilgrimage to Saints of both kinds content you, and a muster of Masses, with a world of Monks make you to seem Christians? Have not we more good advertisements, more manifest signs and tokens, more sharp rebukes, more gentle warnyngs, and more mild admonitions than our elders had? Is not vice now better discovered, all sorts of sins reproved, and more lively (to the quick) both by word and writing touched, than ever it was? yet what was cold in them, is frozen in you: where they innocently halted, you are willingly lame: where they were (by ignorance) dim sighted, you are (by wilfulness) altogether blinded: & where they were hard of hearing, having no remedy, you are stark deaf in your stubborn obstinacy. How hateful and dangerous it was in those days, to deliver the truth (unless they would by fire alter into air) sundry that suffered their torments testified. But you that have the free scope of the Gospel to entreat on, whereby you are taught the true way to our only Saviour, whose errors may be eased, whose doubts may be cleared, and (free of all fear) may seek, ask, knock, be resolved and received, do stubbornly stand on your own conceits, holding dreams for devotion, and dwell in a most hateful hope of alteration. By Christ you are called, by the Prince commanded, and by your brethren entreated, to enter into a safe unity among them: the Banquet is prepared, god's word doth invite you, & (bringing your wedding garments) no guests more welcome: let no shame withhold you from so sacred a feast, grudge not to go, and the holy Ghost will guide you. There is more comfort (saith Christ) in one sinner truly repenting, than in many that from their beginning have continued constant. If to yield (in worldly causes) be wisdom, profit, and policy, how much more will it benefit the health of our Souls, to return (in singleness of heart) to his heavenly Majesty, if to bend, be better than to break, let ●● ply and apply, our living to his liking, that hath power to bruise every bone, and to consume us as chaff before fire: let not our old Adam (whose knobbed and knotted branches, will rather rend than cleave) cause the whole body to be cast into an everlasting and unquenchable flame. It will then be too late to say with Dives, send to my brethren that they may know the distress of the pain and torments I am in: you will truly be answered, they have the Prophets and Preachers among them, etc. You can no way excuse yourselves by ignorant: for as the Sun (excelling all other lights) doth shine both on good and bad: so doth the bright beams of God's word (far surpassing the Sun in clearness) extend an equal comfort (though the use be not equal) as well upon the sinner, as the just liver.  
Yet as the Ethyopians do curse the Sun for scorching them: so do the desperate, that are given up to their own lust, hate his heavenly word for rebuking them.  
I have heard sundry of your coat say, that the lose living of some our Prelates and Preachers, doth make you the more to mislike their doctrine: deceive not your selves, it will pass for no payment: They live as flesh, into are as men: we must direct our lives to their sayings, and not to their doings. And it is also written, if an Angel come out of Heaven, and denuer you other doctrine, than is contained in the Testament of our Saviour jesus Christ, reject him and believe him not. More, if they receive not that you teach in my name, leave them, & shake the du●● of their dwelling 
Paul to the Gala. 1. 8. 9  from your feet. It shall be better (in the general judgement) for Sodom and Gomorrha then with those.  
Hear we have no commandment to follow their living, but we are hardly threatened to obey their Preaching, so long as they keep within the compass of the Gospel, showing us of no salvation besides Christ crucified, & that none may come to the Father, but by him.  
You will object the sayings of Christ in the. 5. of Matthew Sic luceat lux vestra coram hominibus, ut, etc. Let your light 
Math. 5.  so shine before men, as they may see your good works; and glorify your Father that is in heaven. It is a good, and ghostly admonition, and I wish it were so, yet no direct doctrine for us, that if they live not accordingly, to condemn their sayings, by their doings: for if that be authority to confirm the one, or consounde the other: yourselves should look into the lives of your Ancient fathers (so termed) as Abbots, priors, Monks, Nuns, and Friars, of all feathers: Bishops, Prebends, and Priests, of all sorts, with the lives of sundry Saints, canonised by your Pops, and even the Pope's themselves (with all their College of Cardinals) in whose damnable trace you desire to draw, without regard to God, your Prince, profession, or Country, whose great abuses, from the beginning (founded on all filthy hypocrisy, respecting neither person, place, nor times) manifested their lives to their learning, confirmed their doctrine to their doing, with such, and so hateful examples, as I sorrow to know them, shame to think of them, & am much more hashfull to write them. Yet lest you should say, I suppose more than I can prove: I will (in pardon of the learned) deliver you somewhat, testified by the true auth● and of sundry. Wherein, if I keep not the order of a perfect ●ut bring sapher: impute it rather, to the imperfection of my 〈◊〉, than to the baseness of the matter: whose had substance (I confess) may abhor any Christian to read it, yet no more than is meet to be known. And therefore first I address me to their superfluous excess in gormandize, the surse and sink of all sin. The French proverb saith, Apres la panse, vient la danse, After meat comes mirth: for gluttony is the chief nourisher and leader to all incest and lechery: if you then join the quality with the quantity, of that they commonly fed on: that is, to compare the finesse of their meat, to the filling of their paunches: you shall find then, that under the title of Holy poverty, they were as curious and dainty mouthed as might be, accounting of no God, but of the Pope, and their bellies.  
As a Prior of Provence, playing with his Minion, in the morning after he had gaped, stretched, belched and spitted, he commanded a couple of Partridges to be roasted for his breakfast: which when he had devoured, with a pot of the best (half in a passion) said, good Lord give me patience, for we of the Church suffer sundry crosses, Affirming the fury of a Cardinal, that at a general counsel grew in a great chafe, because he was served with partridges and Wodcocks, without Oranges, 
Apo. Ste Fo. ●●●.  saying, what penance do we endure, and what persecution do we pass for our Mother Holy Church? So as, the mark whereunto all those gross creatures of the Popes did tend their travails, was only to make good cheer, and to live at ease and pleasure.  
We read of one, that before he was Pope (in sign of humility 
Apo. Ste Fo. ●27.  and devotion) would ever feed upon a net: but so soon as he had attained the Papacy, he commanded his man, to set those board clothes aside, for he had gotten that he fished for. It was in those days, a familiar saying, to name a Friar or a Monk, a right brother: which (in effect) was a good companion, one that loved to far well, and to have good fellowship: whereof proceeded this proverb, He looks like an Abbot, he is as fat as a Monk or Friar, he is as great as an Abbey lubber, and as well in lard, as a hog. As though there had been some secret Sympathy, between Hogs and Monks, I mean, in puris naturalibus, In their own nature, for Saint Anthoni● (a founder of their fraternity) was first a Swineherd, and then a Monke-heard: which truly appeared in his professors, for they went about, crying, give something of your charity, to the Porklings of Saint Anthony. And a certain Scot writing an Epigram, concluded his resolution, in these Verses.  
Credibile est Circen, mutasse potentibus herbis  
In Monachosquesues, inquesues Monachos.  
No doubt but Circe's could, 
Apo. Ste Fo. 329.  by Herbs of virtues hie  
Make Monks of Hogs, and Hogs of Monks, as fat as Boar in sty.  
And in truth, what condition of life, could be more resembled to swine, than theirs, that commonly fed on the Church? whose order of living (besides their brutish behaviour) was as careless of religion, as hogs are senseless of reason. One of their own profession, who knew their nature by a true measure, and could shape a Monk by the shadow of a beast, or a beast by the substance of a Monk, describeth them thus: he must be nasty, a glutton, slothful, a whoremonger, ill given, a fool, blockish, a drunkard, and ignorant of all good Arts, drink like a Pig, and feed like a Hog: So that, if he can a little sing, it sufficeth to be an Abbot. Another more abruptly, though as aptly, making a similitude of a three footed stool, by a Friar, saith: he is rounded like a fool, clothed in grey like a Wolf, and girded with a cord like a thief: and yet is no fool but a Friar.  
Our simple Priests, that professed not so strict a life, whose profits only consisted in the merits of the Mass: had special care (how good soever their bread were) to drink still of the best, & good reason they had, to dry up raw humours, lest in celebrating their Mass, some rheumatic matter might drop from their drowsy brains: as also devotion is riper, in a warm stomach than a cold: And according to the opinion of our old 
As the father the son, the holy Ghost, the twelve Apostles, Marie, the Thief, the Centurion the Publican & others  Poets: Post pocula fluit sermo. Therefore he that should play so many parts alone as those in their masking Massings do, had need drink of the best, and in a full cup: for if it be tolerable to say hoc est nasum meum: This is my nose, in am of hoc est corpus meum, this is my body: so it be done, cum intentione consecrandi: or no ill to cast a child into a tub of Water, so it be cum intentione Baptizandi: as sundry their gloss confirm: what error can there be in a poor Massing Priest, to drink drunk, when it is done cum intention missificand●: 
Ap. Ste Foyes 330. Fo. 330. Fol. 331.   
As a Curate at Fere in Tartenoys had drunk so deep over night: that the next day in am of Christening, he ministered to the infant his last unction.  
And another priest at Ansterdan in Holland, that slept in his Memento, 
Apo. Ste Fo. 331.  being suddenly wakened cried the king drinks: dreaming he had been in the company, he was drunk in the night before. 
Ap. Ste Fo. 592.   
As also a Person of Vittre in Britain (overwatched at Post and Pair) dwelt so long in his Memento that being hastily wakened, he cried flush, and began to rake the Chalice to him.  
A Curate of a village called old Slough, (between Hamburge and L●becke) slept so soundly in his Memento as the party 
Ap. Ste. ●o. 37.  who helped him to Mass (in the mean while) stole away the Chalice and the plate: And when the Priest wakened he ran after him in his robes, crying stop the thief: who was worthily mocked of every man, for that he did not first bargain with him, what he would have for helping him to Mass.  
Among this good company, I must (in pardon) place a 
Apo. Ste Fo. 592.  Chaplain of the Lord de Bies. who setting in a corner of the altar a draft of the best (reserving it for his Vltimum vale, after he had said Mass) in the midst of his Memento, he spied his boy about it: to whom he suddenly spoke aloud, let it alone you villain, it was not set there for you: whereby you may see, what a special care these Mass merchants had, to a cup of good Wine.  
If I should from the Priest to the Pope, look into all their excess in delicacy and gluttony: it would make a more volume than my muse pretendeth. But you may imagine of their meat by the men, and of their diet by their degrees: For if the poorer sort (even to beggars) could feed fat, full and fine: you must suppose, the mitred, red hatred, and triple crowned, cate not of the worst: but as their stomachs longed, so would they ever have their lust answered.  
Pope julie the third, otherwise called john Maria de Monte, 
Apo Ste ●●. ●●56.  commanded to have a Peacock that was dressed for dinner, to be kept cold for his supper: which not being done accordingly, he grew in a great rage for it: a Cardinal, then being with him at the board, persuaded his holiness not to be angry: to whom the Pope replied, saying: if God were so highly offended in Paradise, to cast out our first father Adam from thence, and only for eating an Apple: why shald not I (being his vicar on earth) be more furious for a Peacock, knowing how far it is in value above a rotten Apple.  
The same Pope loving Bacon very well, and wanting it at his board (in anger) asked his Steward, how it happened 
Fo. 356.  he had not his Gammon of Bacon? to whom he answered, your Physicians charged me, to bring none before you, whereat his holiness entered into such a raging Passion, as he said: Porta mi quel mio piatio, all despetto de Dio, Bring me my Bacon, in despite of God.  
Hear you have their disordinate desire, to live delicately: for the which, they spared no degree, nor respected any person, but Epicure like, lived only to eat.  
Which truly was the chiefest cause, why they entertained the World in so great abuse, and yet do, where their authority & ancient credit hath place: for all their endeavour and Study from the lowest to the highest, was to bring water to their Mill: To the end, their teeth might want no grist to grind on. And Turpe lucrum that which all Ethnic authors condemned and banished their common wealths: These seeming Christians, found such savour in, as these foolish toys void of all reason (to the judgement of the wise) wrought them the easiest and readiest way to infinite wealth. And all that hath been or may be alleged to the contrary, is but wind and labour lost, for that it is spoken to their bellies, which have no ears: for they kept this proverb, as a principle among them, Lucri bonus odor ex re qualibet, that is, The smell of gain is good of every thing. For though by word and writing, they were oft reproved for their shameless spoils called péelers of the Church (in am of pillars) Crucifix Cormorants, Mass feeders, Dissemblers, Grypers, hyocrites, and ravening wolves: yet they forced no more of it, than the covetous Athenian did, of whom Horac● maketh mention thus: Populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo, ipsi domi simul ac nummos contemplor in arca. The people do his●e at me, I rejoiced at it, for at home I do glory at the sight of my gold in my Coffers. And truly, notwithstanding they carried the only countenance of the world, yet were they mocked of sundry, but their faces were so brazen as they forced not of it. As a Monk of Bloyse replied to one that scorned him: we may well, and on an easy price, give you leave to mock us, seeing we gain so much, by mocking of you, who answered, not so outrageously, & with such blasphemy, as Pope ●e●n the 10. did to Cardinal Bemb●e where 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 358.  he alleged a text of Scripture unto him: what riches do we acquire and get by this fable of Christ? where if he had said, by abusing the name of Christ he had spoken the truth. For it is incredible to consider what wealth those of the Romish church did wallow in: As B●ptist Fulgosa (a great fautor and favourer 
Baptist Fulgosa li. 9 c a. 1  of their profession) doth mention unto us an example of one named Pete● Riarus which was first a Friar Minor, and after made Cardinal by Pope Sixtus the fourth. For (saith he) this Riarus was not alone content to wear cloth of gold in his house, but his hangings and coverleds were likewise of cloth of gold, he also made a feast to Ellenor of Arago● (that passed by Rome to marry with Hercules de Est duke of Ferrara) that continued in service seven hours: with such magnificence, as at every course his servants changed themselves into new Liveries. All which Pomp was nothing to the pride and bravery of his Concubine named Tiresia, whom he kept in such sort openly, as her shoes were all covered over with pearls and precious stones, which History more at large is extant in Fulgosi● book, entitled De hominum l●x● atque delitijs in the ninth book and first Chapter.  
And as the forenamed Pope Leon did wonder at the wealth that the fable of Christ brought them (as he most blasphemously doth term it) so is it justified by a Friar of Millian (named Sampso●) that by one croysarde gathered to himself 
Fo. ●36.  120. thousand Ducats, which he after offered for the Papacy.  
What greater contempt could be committed against the glory 
A special pardon given by the Pope, by carrying a cross about named a croisard● which commonly came forth under the pretence of going against the jurke & other infidels.  of God, or how could his poor members be more abused or bewitched, than they were by the colourable and cunning pretext of this croysarde. For they persuaded the people, that if their benevolence were bountiful to this cross offering, they should be saved, with their fathers, their mothers, and their children: And to be slack in giving (or not to give) was a sin unpardonable, and wrought their assured damnation. Which brought the poorer sort into so desperate an error, as it caused them to guage or sell their souls to the Devil in procuring money for them by all unlawful means, rather than they would lose the benefit of so large a blessing, and incur the danger of so certain destruction, supposing in their simplicity, that this pardon prevailed, both against God and the Devil. In the time and Article of death, they would give no hope of salvation to any, unless they made Saint Francis, S Dominicke or some other Saint their heir being patron of their profession. For they knew how to charm, the conscience of those, they confessed, as they would be sure to glean a good part of that, which the poor widow & her children (in right) should live on.  
It is written, that one of these holy fathers, most shamelessly 
Apo. Ste Foyes 3●4.  affirmed in his Sermon at Bordeaux: that when as often as any money was given for those that were in purgatory: their souls (hearinng it sound tinck, tinck, in the basin) did all in great joy, laugh the music of it. And since I have made mention of Purgatory, I crave pardon of the reader: to note a pleasant example or two, touching the credit of it.  
Pope Clement the eight (with certain Prelates his friends) being besieged in the castle of Saint Angel in Rome a gentleman 
Fo. 417.  of the same City said: If his holiness (upon whom all the world have so long builded their opinion) can not free himself, and his faithful followers, from this place of imprisonment: I must (for my part) be constrained to believe, that he is of much less power, able to deliver poor souls out of Purgatory. A Florentine being earnestly solicited by certain Friars, to redeem the soul of his son out of Purgatory, promised, that 
Fo. 519.  if they would take upon them, and that he might be assured they did it, he would (for their merit) give them a Ducat. After they had said their charms & solemn Masses for him, they came for their gold: to whom the good man answered, when you show me some assured sign, of his delivery: I will hold my word with you, Those ravening mates, not so content (hoping by extremity, to obtain their purpose) complained to the Duke, who sent for the party, and asked why he performed not his promise to them: to whom he answered, it rested on this condition, that it should appear to him, they had delivered his son out of Purgatory: & seeing it was at the first, their own seeking, he (knowing them to be subtle) was loath to lose his money, without good & true testimony: the Duke smelling the mystery, turned to the Friars, & told them he had reason: And therefore said, if you will send the same soul to me, or two others, to witness his delivery, or bring me some writing under his own hand subscribed by Christ, I will see you shall be answered the uttermost: otherwise I should wrong him too much, & show myself partial in justice.  
A gentleman of France playing the same part, when they came to demand money for the Masses they had said for the 
Fo. 393.  soul of his friend: he asked, if there were any danger of his return again to Purgatory, being once (by their good prayers) delivered from thence: they answered no: why then quoth he, it were a needless charity, to give any thing for him that is already in safety: & therefore I think it a godly policy, to keep my money in store, to pleasure some other poor soul, not yet delivered, & so sent them away fasting. A Venetian told the Pope's legate, that his holiness was evil counseled at the first, for it had been more wisdom (said he) to have published, that he could have delivered souls out of hell, rather than out of Purgatory: for touching Purgatory, it is to be considered whether there be such a place or no: but for Hell there is no question, since the whole world believes there is one. What treasure this toy of Purgatory brought to your mother holy church, the pride of your Pope holy father, with all his marked train, of Coules, crowns, and tippets, have in all ages testified.  
The French king being at Rome where seeing the pomp of 
Fo. 468.  the Pope's court (and specially of the Cardinals) asked the Cardinal of Autgnion if the Apostles of Christ went so sumptuously appareled: he answered no: but your Majesty must consider (said he) that states with time do alter, for the Apostles were fishers, & lived in those days when Kings were shepherds.  
If you suppose it a reproof to our profession, the lack of sound learning in some our ordinary Ministers: look into your Romish religion, and you shall see examples of sundry to be more sottish, unlearned, and less witted, than the worst and simplest of our sort. As one commended to a Bishop to be made a Massing Priest, whom he finding at dinner, the Bishop 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 403.  to prove his Latin, said: Es tu dignus? he answered, no sir I thank you, I will dine with your servants, believing that Dignus had been to dine.  
An other coming to be Priested, and asked who was father to the four sons of Amon, was set a ground, and answered 
Fol. 403.  he could not tell, and therefore was refused. Who at his coming home showed how hardly he was handled: his father to instruct him said: Ball my dog hath four whelps and who can be father to my whelps (thou beast) but Ball. This settled so great reason in his son, that he was assured now to be admitted: And so being asked the second time, who was father to the four sons of Amon, he answered readily and wittily, Ball my father's dog. An other of the same 
Fol. 404.  stamp, being demanded, what part was best of a roasted Pig, answered the skin, which was well liked, and he admitted. A bird of the same nest standing by being likewise 
Fol. 404.  asked, what part of a Calf was most delicatest and daintiest, said the skin, for he seeing the others answer to pass for good payment, supposed his coin every way as currant.  
A certain Frenchman that had served a Scot, was persuaded 
Fol. 501.  (because he could a little read) to become a Priest. When he should take orders, the Bishop speaking Latin to him, he answered that his master understood Scottish very well, but for his part he had not yet learned it, supposing the Bishop had spoken Scottish to him.  
An other (of more learning but of less wit) being asked in 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 501.  Latin, Quot sunt septem Sacramenta, answered, Tres, Aspergillum, Thuribulum, & Magnum Altar: which is in English, How many be the seven Sacraments, the answer, Three, the Holy water sprinkle, the Sensar, and the high Altar.  
And seeing occasion offereth itself to make mention o● holy water (in pardon of the patiented reader, & to justify so necessary a matter as holy water is to your holy mother Church) I will not let slip the testimony of three special authorities.  
A certain pleasant reproved because he did not put off his 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 572.  Cap when the Priest sprinkled him with holy water, answered, if it have power (as you preach) to pass to Purgatory, surely it must have much easier passage through my Cap.  
A Gentleman of gallant spirit (named Godon) a Councillor 
Fol. 573.  of the Parliament Court in France, being present, when king Francis the first of that name, was devising (with others) the readiest mean, how he might stay or encounter the Emperor, who (as the report went) was coming against him with a great power. Godon hearing some wish they had so many thousand Gascoynes and some so many thousand Launceknights (with other sundry wishes) said to the King: seeing it is in question to wish, if your Majesty will pardon me, you shall hear my wish, which shall be such as will cost you nothing, where all the rest of theirs depend on great charges, the King knowing his pleasant humour, willed to show what he would wish, sir said Godon I would wish to become a Devil, but for one quarter of an hour, that I might go directly to the Emperor, and break his neck. Truly (quoth the King) I see now you are no better than a fool, as though the Emperor had not holy Water in his Country to chase away Devils, aswell as we have here in France, In pardon of your Majesty (replied Godon) it may so be, and I believe some young Devil (not skilful of his craft) would fly the holy Water: but such a Devil, as had at any time been a Godon, all the holy Water in the world, could not fear him, wherein he pleasantly touched the superstition of it.  
A register in Paris named Lory hearing a Cardinal bemoan 
Folly 573.  his Minion, for that she was possessed of an evil spirit, and could by no skill or cunning be freed nor eased, said, I can show you a ready remedy. The Cardinal thrice glad, offered any recompense he would desire: Lory replied, my reward shall be no more than my cost, and that is not much, you need not to give her but one Clyster of holy Water, and that will chase all ill Spirits out of her, if the force and virtue of it be such, as you say we must believe.  
I have one pleasant proof more of the ignorance of your lack 
Straparole.  latins, worth the remembrance, which is of a professed Priest of Normandy that would needs travel to Rome, for a licence to have two Benefices, who desired his Bishop to write to the Pope in his commendation, imagining upon his coming what his holiness would say to him: and as he understood by others (of his own mark) that had been there for the like purpose, he learned three Latin words, sufficient as he supposed to serve his turn, which for that it hath the best grace in Latin, I am enforced so to deliver it: for after he had saluted the Pope, & said, Salue sancte Pater, the Pope would ask, unde venisti, than he should answer è Normandia: next his holiness would demand, Vbi sunt litterae tuae, he should say In manica mea, and so take his letters out of his sleeve and deliver them, for Priests in those days commonly carried all their trash in their sleeves. This gallant glorying in his learning, & triumphing of his Latin, mumbled so much of it, as he did forget the first part, which put him into such despair, as he meant to return, yet hoping that the image of our Lady (whose chaplain he was vowed) would do him some good, he went into a Chapel to perform his devotion, where by the appointment of our Lady (as he after reported) the Priest in his Mass recited, Salue sancte parens, which was to our Norman the greatest joy that might be. For when he came to the Pope's presence, he said Salue sancte parens, the Pope amazed at this new salutation, answered, Non sum mulier: the Priest (dwelling upon his instructions) followed with his lesson è Normandia, the Pope thus crossed, said, Diabolum habes, the poor Priest replied, In manica mea, supposing he had said well.  
If men could be more ignorant than these Massing maies were, let the wise judge: and no marvel, for their only study consisted in a special care how to live easily and daintily. Was it not ridiculous to see those, that seemed most prosounde and wisest, to use in their Sermons so great absurdities. ●or one alleging the authority of Scripture, to confirm the credit of the Mass, interpreted, invenimus Messiam, We have found the Mass. An other to prove their crossing by Scripture, 
Fol. 586.  affirmed, that Signa autem eis qui crediderunt, Make the sign of the Cross on those that have believed. Among which brave interpretations, is to be remembered a Curate in the Country of Artoys, that had a process against his parishioners for paving of the Church, who alleged this text of Scripture for his purpose: Paveant illi & non paueam ego: 
jeremy the 17. Chap.  whereby he affirmed that S. Hierom said, that they should pave the Church and not he. Also what way their gloze had gotten, upon this place of Scripture, Confitemini alter utrum, Confesle yourselves to the Priest, all the world doth know. Truly in this abuse consisted their greatest glory, for although their shameless lives (seen to the open view of the wise) were sufficient to reprove them and confound them, yet in this private confession, they practised more villainy, than any honest Christian can endure to hear or read: which shall be hereafter partly touched in his place. Yet to show you in some sort, their absurdity and vain glory, I will deliver you two examples short and pleasant.  
A certain Mason coming to be shriven by his Curate, 
Straparole.  who had learned great words to countenance his credit with his Parishioners, to the end that he would seem a profound clerk and wise among them: demanded of him (you must suppose with open mouth) whether he were avaricious, who answered no: art thou (quoth he) Luxurious, he answered no: art thou not Superbous he answered no: Art thou not Inuidus or Irous? The poor man (ignorant of these terms) still answered no: the Priest in a rage said, what art thou then? a simple Mason sir (quoth he) as you may see by my Trowel.  
A poor shepherd being likewise asked by his ghostly father, whether he had kept the commandments of God, answered 
Straparole.  no: whether he had kept the commandments of the Church, he answered (likewise) no: what hast thou kept then (quoth he) nothing sir said the poor shepherd but my sheep. Although the Pope thought it requisite that these Massing Priests should have no more learning than née●e● them: yet (saving their honour) some of the greatest, could mistake their Latin, aswell as the rest. For Henry the. 8. of famous memory, sending (among other things) to Francis the French King and the first of that name twelve great Mastiffs, as parcel of his present, writing thus: Mitto tibi duodecem molossos twelve degges: which Prat his Chancellor and a great Sorbonist Doctor took to be Duodecem muletoes twelve moils: and therefore desired his Majesty to give him him the twelve Moils that King Henry had sent. It is strange said his master, that Moils should be sent me out of England, and therefore willed to see the letters: where the king found the error, and Prat perceiving it, said he mistook Molossos for Mulettos.  
And seeing I have occasion to call this Prat into the play, the more to manifest unto you his covetous life matched with tyranny, & his miserable death joined with blasphemy, being of the Church of Rome a professor, and of the poor members of Christ a cruel persecuter: I will deliver you the same which is written of him, simply as I find it.  
This Prat after he had bailded a fair Hospital (which 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 379.  the king seeing said it was not large enough, to lodge all those that Prat had made poor) fell sick of such a horrible disease, as the worms did guawe and pierce through his stomach, not without cursing & despiting of God, both for pain and extreme impatience: occasioned aswell by the grief he felt, as of the hatred he had, to see all his Coffers sealed up: that he said, thus it is to serve the King both with body and soul. This Prat was the first in France, that brought and presented to the parliament house the Inquisition of Heresies: he gave forth the first Commission to execute those that spoke against the romish Church, whose blaspheming death confirmed the cruelty of his life, for clean forgetting God and his mercy, he manifestly showed what Saint he served.  
Also Ponchar Archbishop of Toures, following the erection of a burning Chamber, he was (by the fire of God) 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 379.  burned himself: which began at his heels and feet, and increased so upward through all his body, as they were fain to cut his members by piece meal away.  
One john Ruze, a Councillor also of the Parliament, the cruelest persecuter of Christ's professors in his time, was 
Fo. ●79.  likewise punished by the secret fire of God, that he felt himself burn as in a furnace: & showing no sign of remembering God, his whole body consumed withal, and so dying in most horrible blasphemy, he refused to call to God for mercy.  
And as the Divine judgement was executed upon this, so 
Fol. 380.  was it upon another Councillor of the Court, named claud de Asles, for the same day that he gave sentence for the burning of two true professors, immediately after, using the company of his harlot (in the very act) was taken with an Apoplexy and so suddenly died. Likewise one john Menier Lord of Oppide, a follower with all his force, for the burning & Massacring 
Fol. 380.  of Christ in his members: was taken himself with such a burning strangury, as with the pain thereof he fell into so extreme impatience, that he blasphemed God even to his last breath, saying, why should not I curse him, whom those damnable Lutherans did glory and praise in the midst of their torments? By this the reader may judge in what misery those men dwell, whose consciences give them such horrible assaults, as a late Chancellor of France, mightily combated by his conscience, at the instant of death cried, Ah thou Cardinal thou Cardinal, thou dost cause us all to be damned. An example of God's great justice, on those that seek the Innocent blood of his professors.  
I did at the first crave pardon of the mildest minded Papists, to bear with my error, if I placed not my authors as I ought, which I confess may manifest my ignorance, yet truly they need not fear, that it will mar the credit of their matter, the substance is so good: and therefore to confirm old proverbs, Sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus, I will show you some examples, what fruits followed the hateful excess of the Crucifix cormerantes, who said only on their holy mother Church.  
A certain Gentleman of Perigourd in France, held in his house a Friar, his confessor, whom he favoured for his council, 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 303.  and reverenced for his profession. This Gentleman (whose wife had lain in child bed the space of three weeks) determined one night to have her company, which our Friar perceiving, so used the matter, as he prevented his master, enjoyed his place, & (keeping himself silent) ●unningly (unknown) departed from her, which done, he hasted to his house, called the porter, & fled the punishment of his fault. The husband coming to his wife (as he had pointed) & she simply supposing he had been with her before, delivered such speeches unto him, as he perceived the treason committed against them both. Then considering how none lay in the quarter of house, except her brother & his confessor, entered into suspicion of him, & went strait to his Chamber, where he found him not, which greatly increased his jealousy: but when he had spoken with his porter, he was assured of the villainy, & returning to his wife, manifested the circumstance of the mischief unto her, whereat the poor Gentlewoman was so abashed, & grieved, the it brought her into extreme despair, as being left alone (her husband gone after the Friar) her innocent heart yielded to her feeble hand, & strangled herself, who wrestling with the agony of this cruel death, did (with her foot) kill her little infant that lay by her: and giving a great cry (at her last gasp) wakened her maid that fondly slept in the same Chamber: when she saw this pitiful spectacle (past all remedy) she called her Mistress brother, who beholding the lamentable condition of his sister and her child, demanded of the maid who it was had committed this cruel Act: she answered she could not tell, unless it were her master, for she certainly knew none but he had been there. This Gentleman, sought his brother in his own chamber, and finding him gone, he exclaimed against him for the murder, and with revenging mind he took his horse to follow him, supposing he had been fled for the horribleness of the fact: whom when he heard returning (for the darkness of the night had taken from him the author of all his woe) he violently flew upon him (with words of reproach, calling him most wicked wretch & tyrannous traitor) ran him through with his rapier. The gentleman having no leisure to inquire the occasion of so sudden assault, being wounded to death, yielded unto him. But when he understood the villainy, with his brother's innocency, he over late craved pardon for the harm he had done him, remount●d him aswell as he might, and brought him home to his house, where the next day following he likewise died. By this tragedy we see, how the lewd lust of a Friar was the occasion of the murdering of three innocent persons.  
In the time of the Emperor Maximilian the first, there was in his country a Covent of Friars, highly renowned 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 337.  for the opinion that every one had in their holy profession. Near unto which Abbey there dwelled a Gentleman of great worship and credit, who favoured these Friars, wi●h a servant zeal of devotion, and was a special benefactor unto them Among which company, he chose to himself a confessor, to whom he gave full power and authority over his house and household. This lecherous lubber became so enamoured on the Gentlewoman, as (resolved to put his lust in execution,) coming to her house, and finding not her husband at home, he demanded of her whether her husband was gone, she answered, to a Farm that he had, where he meant to make his abode for three or four days, but if he had any special matter to do with him, she would presently send a Messenger for him: whereupon he taking occasion to perform his damnable pretence, walked up and down about the house, as one the had some matter of importance, or some great mischief hammering in his head. The gentlewoman perceiving it (for that his countenance argued, he was not content) she sent one of her maids to know, if any of her house had offended him, or that he lacked his desire in any thing. This maid doing her mistress message, the Fatherly Friar, or rather Hellish fiend, took her (in sign of courtesy) by the hand, and leading her aside into a corner of the Court, he cut her throat. In the mean while there arrived a Tenant of the gentleman's that brought him rend, who humbly saluted the Friar, & he embracing him (with the same knife he had murdered the maid, which was scant cold of her blood) he likewise cut his throat, and after closed the castle gate unto him. The gentlewoman musing that her chamber maid returned not, sent her companion to call her, and to know the cause of her stay, which the Friar (in sort as afore) took her by the hand, and with the same bloody stratagem, sent her after her playfellow. Then when he saw himself alone in the house, he came to the gentlewoman, and delivered her the effect of his devilish desire: showing how long he had earnestly loved her, & that now the hour was come, that she must needs yield unto his will. She that never had any evil opinion in him, and lest looked for any such salutation, answered, my good Father, I believe if you knew me to be so evil disposed, or that you thought I had so bad a conceit in me, you would be the first that would either reclaim me, or discover my shame for it. The Friar (to cut of all circumstances, and to prevent that might follow) flatly persuaded her, there was no remedy: willing her to go into the Court, where she should see the sum of his pretence. When the gentlewoman beheld her two maids and her tenant lying in that pitiful case, she was so astonied and overset with fear, as she remained speechless. This villain (who made no account to enjoy her company for one time, but to have the abuse of her body for ever) would not force her, and therefore said: Mistress be ruled by me, and doubt of no danger, for you are in the hands of him, that loves you above all the men in the world: and so taking forth the gown of a Novice (which he had brought with him for the same purpose under his long rob) he willed her to put it on, otherwise she should pass the same pain those had done, which lay before her eyes. The gentlewoman seeing her own peril (as well to save her life, as to gain time, in hope that her husband would come to her rescue) she feigned willingly to obey him: and at the commandment of the Friar, untyred her head, wherein she used as much delay as she might. But in the end, when she was in her hair, the Friar (not regarding the beauty of it) did hastily cut it off, and further caused her to strip herself to her smock, and to put on the little frock he brought with him: which done he made all the haste away that he could, carrying with him his heavy and sorrowful Novice, whose company he had (in beastly lust) so long desired. But it pleased God, that her husband, (who had dispatched his business sooner than he supposed he should before his going) returned home by the same way, that his distressed wife and this murderous mate was coming. When the Friar perceived him a far off, he said to her: behold where cometh your husband, who I know, if you make any countenance to discover yourself, he will take you from me: Therefore go you before me, and see that you turn your face on the contrary side, that he perceive you no●: for if you make any sign or gesture unto him, I will sooner cut your throat, than he shall be able to free you out of my hands. In which discourse, the Gentleman approached, who, after he had saluted him, asked him from whence he came: to whom he boldly and shameleslye answered, from your house sir, where my Mistress your wise is very well, and doth earnestly look for you. The gentleman road on, not perceiving any thing: but his servant, who was accustomed to entertain this friars companion (named Frater john) supposing it had been he, called unto him. The poor gentlewoman, perplexed in all the passions of mind that might be, durst not turn her head towards him, nor answer any one word: notwithstanding, the fellow to see his visage, crossed the way of her, to whom (so far as she durst) she made a sorrowful sign, with her trembling eyes, that were full of tears: The servant supposing some mystery in it, and guessing at a glance who it should be, he hasted after his Master, and told him, that the friars companion was not Frater john, but seemed to be his Mistress, who he affirmed (with a face all covered with tears) she did cast a pitiful regard towards him. The gentleman, half offended at his folly (as he thought) said his man was mad, and made no account of his words: yet he still continued in his request to his Master, desiring leave to return, and to see the truth of that he imagined. Whereunto the Gentleman agreed, and stayed to hear what news his man would bring him. The Friar looking back, and hearing him call Frater john, doubted least he had discovered his Mistress: and therefore with a long armed bat (a common weapon for those mates to march wi●h) he so reached at the fellow, as he felled him off his horse, and straight leaping upon him cut his throat: his master, who saw a far off his man overthrown, supposed he had fallen by some mischance, and therefore hasted to help him up again. But when he came near to this desperate and sturdy Friar, with the same blessing that he unhorsed the man, he unhorsed the master, and cast himself upon him, with all the violence he might: and if the gentleman had not been both bold & strong, the Friar had there ended the Tragedy. But by his strength, he held him so hard in his arms, as he could do him no more hurt: And withal forced him to forego the knife wherewith he had performed all this mischief, which his wife seeing it fall from him, took it up, and put it into the hand of her husband. The case being altered, the gentlewoman's courage increased: for in the most furious manner that she might, she bestyrred her to plague him, that had so much punished her: And in the mean time the gentleman so stabbed in the Friar, as he was fain to yield, & confessed the truth of his fault. The Gentleman would not kill him, but kept him to discover more, and to receive some sharper correction, for his so horrible an offence: and so carried him to the emperors justice in Flaunders, where he uttered the order of the execution of this mischief, with the cause, showing what a number of Gentlewomen and beautiful may●s (by the like murders and treasons) were closely kept in their Monastery, which proved true, by commissioners appointed, they first delivered for the all such women as they found most pitifully closed in their Cloisters, and (for an everlasting memory to their posterity) they shut up all the Friars in the Abbey, and burned both the house and those damnable wretches together.  
Here you have a manifest mirror of all the mischiefs that may be, which showeth no single sin, and in one private, but by a most bloody and common consent of the whole Covent: the like never heard nor red off afore, committed by any Barbariam, jew, Turk, or Heathen. I should (in troth) do double injury to our new found jesuits, and deprive them of the honour they deserve, if I should not appoint them (as guests twice welcome) a special place in these bloody banckets: for albeit neither Saint Francis, Saint Dominick, nor Saint Anthony, was acquainted with them: yet are they cloth of the same wool, and will prove no worse in the wearing though died into an other colour, for you shall find them as ignorant as Monks, as imputente and shameless as Monks, and as mischievous & profane as Monks: and therefore, for affinity, fraternity, and society, they have all vowed their devotion to one Saint. And where they be (indeed) ancient, and can claim their antiquity from the fall of Lucifer, yet as politic children, following the subtlety of their Father (to deceive the iniquity of time) do mask under a strange visard. By which pretext, they have promised, to restore England to their romish mother holy Church again. And therefore to further their sailing, that they may the sooner be set a shore at Wapping, I will show you a créedible example or two (committed by some of their profession) as horrible as the rest.  
A Gentleman of Lymosin (Lord of Saint john de Lygours) abusing his wives mother, and having children by her (under benedicite,) discovered his fault to one of this fraternity: who to prove their profession free of no sin, exercised the craft of coining, and now took occasion (having this gentleman's head at his foot) to persuade him to join in making of counterfeit money with him. After they had practised this matter long between them, the jesuit seeing the in●est to press the gentleman's conscience (as it daily unquieted him) for all the ordinary absolutions he had given him: and finding, that he took greater pleasure in the mother, than in the daughter, he persuaded him to marry her: showing that the marriage was most lawful in her, in whom he most delighted: confirming that the matrimony he dwelled in, and all that came of it was accursed. And therefore he took in hand, to free him from this care: which he executed in the absence of the gentleman, though his consent were with him. So, entering on a night into the Castle according to his custom (having colts of his own coat with him) went strait to the gentlewoman's chamber, whose throat he cut in her bed, and after murdered her two little infants that lay by her: the one of them, calling him by his name, held up his hands, and leapt into his arms for mercy, as he confessed at his execution. Not satisfied with this (with the help of his companions) he massacred all that he found in the house: and to cover the fault, meaning to burn them, he brought their bodies together into one chamber, and set fire on the whole Castle. But God, whose providence would not suffer the fire to consume neither the one nor the other, they were pitifully found, the murderers taken, and the fault confessed, which the gentleman hearing, fled to Savoy, and passing for Gene, was known upon the way, followed to Lausanne, and there executed. Oh wretched condition more than damnable, devised without malice, performed without mercy, and by a jesuit of the Pope's professors.  
A foul of the same feather, in Vienna in Austrie meeting upon the way a poor young maid of the age of nine or ten 
Apo. Ste Fol. 306.  years, whose beauty, and body (though in bare terms) was not to be mistiked: he taken in a sudden lust to her, persuaded the young thing that he would better her state, if she would be ruled by him. The Girl seeing him to seem a holy Father, and like a master in Israel, supposed she had found good fortune, believed his persuasion, & went to his Cloister with him, where she was for a time closed in his Cabinet, and in the end, desiring to enjoy a more liberty, she was rounded, crowned, and vested in Saint jesus habit, and so continued many years, in sort as a Novice. In Anno. 1569. a gentleman's son of the City, accustomed to come among them, happened to break a glass Window, belonging to this holy Father: who laid hand upon him for it, had him in, & hanged the poor child by the hoeles, with as many scourges, as he and his darling could (in charity) bestow upon him. Which known to the Father, desirous to be revenged of the harm done to his son (without any threats) he invited them to supper: who being arrived, and entertained into sundry places of the house (attending in hope, the time of their good cheer) they were at last brought into a great chamber where certain gallants were ready to receive them of purpose to perform the pleasure of their master: who after they had used a long admonition, touching the injury done to him and his Child, they did read our jesuit such a whipping Chapter from the head to the heels, and basted him so on both sides for burning, as they took his stomach clean from his supper. And when they went about (with the same lesson) to teach his Novice to spell and to put together: our old leachor on both his knees entreated for him, offering to suffer as much more (though it were painful to him) so they would spare him. Notwithstanding, seeing he was a partner at the child's punishment, they stripped him, whereby the mystery of his lewd life was discovered: which being delivered to justice, he boldly, and shameleslye answered, it is written that it is not good for a man to be alone, and therefore he had chosen her for his companion.  
By this is showed not alone the order of their lives being a principle of their profession, and a general rule to all of their Court: but also it manifesteth their shameless doings, adding sin to sin (by blasphemy) applying the Scripture to their beastly & more than abominable behaviour.  
A Widow of great wealth in Padua, having one 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 308.  of this cloth and colour to her confessor, in whose holiness she reposed the whole hap of her age, as well for the good opinion she had in him (for these fellows have the fetch according to the subtlety of the first Serpent to creep into the consciences of women) as for the devotion she bore to his order. This gentlewoman on a time, bemoaned her self unto him, showing how her greatest c●re was, for the marriage of her daughter, her only child. He who had for all payments his answer ready coined said: surely Mistress I think your motion happeneth very well: for God who forséeth the petitions of the just, even as he sent his Angel Raphael to Tobias, so hath he brought me a special Husband for your daughter, and such a one as your own heart would wish or desire. For I assure you, I have now in my hands, the most honest young gentleman of all Italy: who hath heretofore seen your daughter, loveth her person, and greatly commendeth her behaviour: so, as this day (being in the best part of my prayers) this gentleman moved by the holy Ghost (as he told me) came to crave my counsel, and declared the good affection he hath to marry with her. And I that know his house, his friends, and himself, to be of a fair living, promised to speak unto you of it. This jesuit, or this Satan in the shape of a man, to avoid suspicion, the cunninger to carry at before him, and with the more fineness to abuse this poor widow: did affirm his worthiness every way, if one inconvenience, were not the let to so good a motion, and that none in the City did know of it but himself. Which was, where he would have succoured his friend, that another sought to murder, he drew his Rapier, meaning only to parie them, and it happened his friend to kill his adversary: wherefore he (although he struck never a stroke) is fled from his Country, because he assisted the manslayer. And by the Council of his friends, he is retired to this City, in the habit of a scholar, where he meaneth to continue unknown, until his kindred and friends have taken order in the matter for his liberty, which he ●op●th will be very shortly: So that for this reason, if you like of the party upon my faithful persuasion, the marriage must be made in as secret sort as may ●e: and withal, you must be content in the day, to suffer him to repair to the common Lectures, the more to cover the suspicion: And every night to the comfort of you and your daughter, he shall accompany you to your best pleasure. The good gentlewoman, who was easily bewitched to believe these counterfeit Gods, thought her daughter better provided for, than she could otherwise by any mean device: ● therefore took so great pleasure to hear the devise (according to the proverb: It is easy to deceive the simple and true meaner) as upon those conditions, this Minion was brought, and they fianced the same day: and after midnight (for the more haste to receive of the old woman five hundred ducats in am of her daughter's dower, which like false harlots they parted without any broker) he said Mass and married them: after which marriage, they lived a certain time together with equal contentment, to the great comfort of her mother, who highly thanked God and her confessor, for the good hap of her daughter. But in the end, a Dominus vobiscum (pronounced by this 
For all other were in respect but beggars to these jesuits.  honest young Gentleman, who was both a jew, a jesuit, and a Priest) so discovered the matter, as their knavery began to appear in their kind: for this new married wife following the devotion she bore to this proud profession, waiting on her mother to hear Mass at their Covent, even as this companion turned to say Dominus vobiscum, the poor young woman, stood more astonished than a founder of Bels. And after she had a little recovered the ecstasy that this sudden sight brought her into: she showed her mother plainly that he which said Mass was her husband, or at the least one that resembled him much. The old woman making very dangerous to hear it, would not be persuaded that any such mockery could be committed by those that were so holy, accounting it the greatest sin that might be, to have so harmful a thought of them: and therefore sought to remove that damnable opinion from her daughter. But the Ite missa est, manifested the whole mischief, for than it did not alone confirm the daughters fear, but it also brought a doubtful imagination to her mother: notwithstanding she suspended her earnest belief, until she might see more proof of it: and therefore she concluded, that at night when he should come to lie with his wife, the mother should (as it were in a jest) hold both his hands, whilst the daughter pulled of his coif, which practised and performed accordingly, they found his crown fair shaven, that bewrayed the knavery. Then there was no more question whether he were a Priest, but they both bethought, how they might be revenged of so great an injury, for she was rob, her daughter spoiled, & both infamed, and all by the lewd abuse of her confessor, for whom she presently sent, feigning to have some great secret to show him. And calling her friends unto her, they apprehended them both, and delivered them to justice: who quitted them on easy conditions, for Temporal judges durst not lay violent hand upon so sacred a profession, they had so bewitched the world, and so blinded the eyes even of the greatest Princes, as they forced of no fault, for their superstitious & proud tyranny was ever a bulwark to all their villainy, which they only presumed on, by the authority of their Popish liberty, as this example doth manifest the same.  
Accurate of Clavenie, in the Duchy of Guienne, did seek to 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 172.  suborn the daughter of an honest man of the same town, to his lewd just & pleasure, whom he haunted in all places where she went, notwithstanding she still flatly & constantly denied him, which bred the greater fire to his beastly desire. And therefore one day the maid going to her Father's Farm (somewhat out of the town) this Minion masked in blue sarsenet, set all over with little stars of gold, having a fine Lawn over his face, & his arms and legs bare, but covered likewise with Lawn, in this atfire he appeared unto her on the way, & (with a counterfeit voice) showed her, that he was the virgin Marie, declaring unto her, how sundry afflictions should fall on the town, for the Lutheran heresy that was entered among them (against which this Priest was a great Preacher) which sundry other purposes, touching the same, and further willed her to show it to the town, that they might celebrate her feast with fasting & prayer, telling her withal how she had refused the friendship & love of a holy person, who in the same place (not long before) made suit unto her, for that she denied him: and therefore if he sought any thing at her hands hereafter, that she should obey him, & there would great happiness follow her by it: charging her that she should not discover this last part to any Creature. The simple wench believed all for truth, and delivered it as a prophesy, to forewarn them of that should happen to Clavenie: for the which cause (at the first) the inhabitants feared much: & in the mean time this poor soul yielded to his villainy, which was shortly after spied, the practise discovered, and he executed, as well worthy.  
In a village near unto Coignacke called Shernes, the person 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 318.  there abused his own Sister so long, as in the end he got her with child: which the Curate so covered, as she (being holden very holy, through her deep hypocrisy) was taken to be as chaste a virgin as might be: and therefore when this fault was spied, he shamed not to publish, that it proceeded of the Holy Ghost, and that she was a second virgin Marie: the brute whereof coming to the hearing of earl Charles of Angoleme, he sent of purpose to see how it was, for that he suspected some abuse in it: in whose presence the supposed virgin (of the age of. 13. years) being solemnly charged by her brother upon the damnation of her soul, to deliver them the truth (repeating the second time the same admiration) she answered, I take this holy Sacrament to my damnation before you all here present, that never any man did carnally know me, or in that sort of sin touch me, no more than you my brother have done: they hearing so vehement a vow, returned and confirmed the shameless report that was afore: but the Earl being wise, and noting the order of her oath nearer than they did, found the fire by the smoke, and therefore sent again, commanding they should be severally committed, and severally examined, whereby the truth was confessed, and they both altered into ashes and dedicated to Vulcan. An example of a horrible incest joined with blasphemy, which witnesseth among the rest of these histories, the continent and chaste lives of those that were vowed from Matrimony, approving the godly fury of the Cardinal of Tournon, who hearing that a Bishop was secretly married, said, I marvel how these villain Lutherans have given themselves to all the devils to marry, seeing they have liberty otherwise at liking, to satisfy their lust at their own pleasure, which he generally spoke of all those that lived then of their holy mother Church. For what was it, those wretches would not attempt, to perform (after their insatiate gluttony) their beastlike & tompwood lechery, having this privilege, Si non castè, tamen cautè.  
A Friar in Paris, having part of his lewd life so known 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 509.  as some common speeches went of it, shamed not (in his sermon) to say, my Mistresses of S. Martin's I am so great a mote in your eye, that you prattle of me in every place, and for a matter that is less than nothing? Ah good Lady, is it so strange a case, for a holy Friar, to get his Hostis daughter with child? I am glad it was no worse, for I perceive you would have made it a more wonder, if she had gotten me with child. Oh shameless sort of Sodomites, that would so abominably abuse the place prepared to preach the word of God in: but how could you deliver better matter from you, when there was no better substance in you.  
As is further manifested by the example of a Priest of 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 545.  Orleans, who having his concubine in a jealousy, called her to a Tavern, where after he had showed her the countenance of continual friendship, in his good cheer: he did lead her into a privy Chamber, where laying her upon a bed, with a razor (that he brought for so wicked a purpose) he cut her throat, for the which murder he was only condemned to perpetual prison.  
A searcher of Venice, seeing two Friars go a board a ship 
Fol. 254.  with a farthel or small pack, he supposing it had been some forbidden Merchandise or else some goods uncustomed (which ought by their law to be forfeited) he would needs see, what it was they carried. But the Friars (contending with him) would not suffer him by no means to open it, until by force he was feign to undo it himself, wherein he found the heads of two men newly cut off, which was suddenly shut up, after they had enchanted a word or two into the searchers ears, notwithstanding the matter being after known it, made a question whether those wares were customable or no. Such was the secret Merchandise of these holy fathers, & one of the chiefest commodities they gathered their treasure by. And further, to prove their tyrannous minds, the best mean they had to hold all the world in fear of them) & at whose hands there was no redress, except it were sought at the Sea of Rome) I will tell you of an unthankful and traitorous Prelate, exceeding any spoken of before.  
The Duke of Limburge deceassing without heirs, there 
Fo. 346.  grew great wars between the Duke of Brabant and the Count of Gelderland, which of them should enjoy the same, both claiming to be next in succession to it. In the end, fortune gave the Duke of Brabant the victory, who took the bishop of colen prisoner, (for that he had aided the Count against him) and delivered him in custody to the Earl of Mount in Henault, where he was kept captive seven years, until he had yielded to all such conditions as the Duke demanded of him. After the Bishop was delivered, he requested the Count to accompany him to Tuits, a village joining to the Rhine, over against colen, the which he granted to willingly. But as they passed the Bridge over the Rhine, the Count mistrusting no falsehood in his holiness, was taken by a certain ambush of horsemen, that the Bishop had appointed there for that purpose. And to acquit the Counties courtesy, & good entertainment (which was every way as honourable as might be) he caused a Cage of iron to be made, and set it in the Sun: And after, anointing the poor Prince over with honey, forced him naked to enter into it, where he long time endured the greatest languor and torment in the world, with swarms of flies that daily fed on him, and in this sort, with pain and famine ended his miserable life. This was the bishops cruelty (a vowed Prelate to the Pope) joined with treason: excelling the tyranny of Bucris and Phalaris. 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 347.   
another Bishop of colen named Henry, having Count Fredrick his captive, caused him to be broken upon a wheel, his legs, his thighs, his arms, his back, and his neck, 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 347.  and after laid him out to be a pray to Ravens.  
There were two Canons in colen, that under the colour of great friendship, invited a Lord of the same City 
Fo. 436.  to dinner (named Harman Grin) whom notwithstanding they mortally hated. And seeming in courtesy to show him a lion (which they nourished for the honour of their Bishop,) they traitorously trained him into the Cage, where the beast was, to be devoured: But the gentleman seeing himself brought into such danger, took courage unto him: And wrapping his cloak about his left arm, thrust it into the lions throat, and with his right hand drew out his dagger, and killed him: whereby he saved himself, and the treason discovered.  
In the time of the Emperor Otton the great, the Bishop of Magence seeing the famine that fell in the Country, 
Fo. 347.  had such a compassion on the poor, as he assembled a great number of them into a Barn, (the poor souls hoping to have had some relief at the hands of his holiness in that time of penury) which he caused to be set on fire, & burned them all, affirming, that they were but as Rats and Mice in a common wealth, that devoured the grain, & served to no purpose. A charitable tyranny, proceeding from a godly care of a Popish devotion, without any cause or occasion of revenge, for the miserable creatures deserved no harm of him.  
I had almost forgotten a certain jesuite in Viena in 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 317.  Austrie, who made it no conscience to abuse a merchants wife (whom he had under confession) before all the Saints of either kind, not simply in the Church, but behind the high altar, and on good friday, who being taken with the manner (although the fault deserved as vile a death as might be devised) yet he was only enjoined for penance, to forbear the saying of Mass three months: which their Legate (coming from Rome) thought it so sharp a punishment, as he presently absolved him of it. Whose ordinary Masses were after found of as good savour, taste, and digestion (to those that willingly devoured them) as if they had been said of the most maydenliest Priest in the world. So as, if one would search the evils of all sorts, committed by these ravening rabble that fed on the Church, he should find them innumerable. But, as touching their punishments, it was seldom, or for the most part so light, that it seemed (indeed) but a mockery. Where, on the other side, if any were only suspected to covet the true way to their salvation, fire and sword was laid upon them, with all the rigour and violence that might be.  
Was it not a pitiful condition, that the poor members of Christ dwelled in, when they were as feign (and with as much fear) to hide themselves in caves, corners, and other desolate places, for reading of the Bible and the new Testament: as those that carried counterfeit money, or committed a worse crime. For, whosoever was taken with God's Book (the only Pilot to the port of our redemption) either in his hand, or in his house, he was sure to suffer death without all favour (specially) if the holy Ghost confirmed him in it. But such was the substance of his blessed word, and the heavenly fruits of the same: as the more they persecuted, the more zealous professors, and faithful willing Martyrs increased by it. For, as our Saviour Christ saith, they held the keys of knowledge from us, neither entering themselves, nor would suffer others to enter by them: By which their willing and wilful blindness, both the one and the other fell into the bottomless Pit of everlasting darkness: yet in their pulpits (to feed the simplicity of the time) they would give us part of the Text, enlarged by their own gloss. And therefore to approve their learning to their lines, and their lives to the learning of those forefathers, upon whose doctrine the Papists depend, although I have already said sufficient, to terrify the stoutest, to reclaim the faintest, and to win the weakest in conscience, if God's grace have not utterly abandoned them: yet I will 
Menot. Maleard.  bring in place for their better credit, Oliver Maleard a Frenchman, and Mychell Menot an Italian, two of the most famous, renowned, and learned preachers in their time. Whose Paraphrase (or rather sporting toys) upon sundry texts of the Scripture, word for word (first in Latin, and English mingled, as my Author in Latin and French hath pelmelled) even as I have read it, so I simply here deliver it.  
As for example, we read in the new Testament how Marie Magdalene acknowledged her sin, washed Christ's feet with tears, and dried them with her hair, etc. which they have by their glozing discourse, framed into a monstrous 
Matthew the 27. Chap.  form, as followeth.  
Quoad primum Magdalena, erat domina terrena, de castro Magdalen, tam sapiens quod erat mirum audire loqui de sapientiaeius 
Ser. Me. Fol. 160.  & prudentia: O ergo Magdalena, quo modo venistis ad tantum inconueniens, quod vocemini magna peccatrix? Et non sine causa: quod fuistis male consiliata. Data est tribus consiliarijs, qui eum posuerunt in tali statu: Scilicet primus, corporalis elegantia: secundus temporalis substancia: tertius fuit libertas nimia. Primum ergo, quid fuit causa huius mulieris perdicionis? Fuit elegantia corporalis. Videbatur pulchra, juvenis, alta. Credo quod non erat nisi 15. aut 16. annorum quando incepit sic vivere, & 30. quando redijt ad bonitatem Dei. Quando pater fuit mortuus, plena erat sua voluntate. Martha soror non audebat dicere ei verbum, & videbatur ei quod faciebat magnum honorem illis qui veniebant ad illam. Quicquid faciebat erat vivere at her own pleasure, and to make banquets, and good cheer hody invitare, etc. And within a little while after this poor fool abandoned erat in castro suo: The rumour ran through all jury, and the country of Galelie, Omnino bibendo & comedendo, loquebatur de eo, & de eius vita. Martha soror timens Deum & amans honorem of her house, ashamed of the shame of her sister, videns quod omnes loquebantur of her sister, and of her miracles, venit ad eam dicens, O soror si pater adhuc viver et qui tantum vos amabat, & audiret ista quae per orbem agitantur de vobis, truly he would thrust death into your tooth. Facitis magnum dedecus progenij nostrae. And wherefore? quid vis dicere? Heu soror, non opus est ultra procedere, neque amplius manifestare. Scitis bene quid volo dicere, & ubi jacet punctus. Why do you trouble yourself good Gentlewoman? In all the great devils name, God be praised, nun estis magistra mea. Quis dedit mihi this valiant dame to control my life. Vadatis precor ad domum vestram: scio quid habeo agerei ta bene sicut una alia. Habeo sensum & intellectum to know how to govern myself. This is a goodly matter, that I should care for none but myself. Martha rogabat eam ut iret ad sermonem, & consuleret aliquam hominem bonae vitae. Magdalena dixit janitori, non dimittas mihi intrare hoc castrum, this mad sister of mine, that brings nothing hither, but brawling, chiding, and unquietness, ubi non consuevit nisi cantus gaudij. And after he maketh a great narration of the means that Martha made to have her come to the Sermon of our Lord: not telling her what, or who he was, but using alluring speeches, said he was a fair young man, & of a goodly parsonage: O soror essetis valde foelix, si possetis videre unum hominem qui praedicat in jerusalem. Est pulchrior omnibus quos unquam vidistis, tam gratiosus, tam honestus, he hath so fair a countenance, so good a grace, & so goodly of body, you never saw his like. Credo firmiter ꝙsi videretis eum, essetis amorosa de eo, est in flore iwentutis suae. And a little after, illa coepit pulchra indumenta sua, aquam rosaceam prolavando faciem suam: coepit speculum. Videbatur quod esset unus pulcher Angelus. Nullus eam aspexisset, qui non fuisset amorosus de ea. Ipsa ante se misit mangones portantes many Cushions of Crimoson velvet, ut disponerent sibi locum. Martha videbat haec omnia, fingens nihil videre: & sequebatur eam sicut si fuisset parva ancilla. Christus iam erat in media praedicatione, vel forte in secunda part. After he saw how they did honour and reverence to Magdalena, every one wondering to see her come to a Sermon, which when Christ perceived, he began to preach, that pomp, pride, and bravery, was a most detestable matter. Tunc (said he) ipse coepit detestare vitia, bragas, pompas, vanitates, & specialiter peccatum luxuriae: & contra has mulieres, etc. After this he reciteth how Magdalen was touched to the quick with that she heard in this Sermon, and then thought on nothing so much as on Repentance: yet was in danger to be turned by her companions and customers, and to be brought to her first course of life. venerunt (said he) galandi amorosi & rustici, these Roisters qui dixerunt, Surgatis, surgatis: facitis nunc the hypocrite: vadamus ad domum. Quae dixit, O amici mei, rogo dimittatis me, non audistis quid dixit ille bonus praedicator de poenis inferni, vobis & mihi preparatas nisi aliud faciamus? And a little after habebat in suo armariolo aquam of sweet smells, quae vendebatur pondere auri. Coepit querere de loco in locum, de platea in plateam, de domo in domum. Quis hody dabit prandium praedicatori? Dictum est ei quod in domo Simonis. And then he setteth forth the Oration she made before she kissed Christ's feet, & in the washing of them with her tears, and in the end, how she lay under the table like a dog: and that our Lord said: O Mary, I pray thee rise: And that she answered, I will never remove from this place, until thou haste given me remission for all my sins, and your holy blessing. And then he said, my love, rise, thy sins are forgiven thee, thy faith hath saved thee. And in the end, he concluded how Martha presented Magdalena to the Virgin Mary: before whom she fell on her knees, and said, good Madam pardon me if it please you, that I may speak to you, I have been of an evil life, and a great sinner, but now by the grace of God I will do no more so. Your son hath this day forgiven me: Lord, how happy are you to have such a son. Here you may see how this gentle preacher hath deciphered this history, making of the Scriptures a shippemans' hose, or a tale of Robin Hood.  
But now let us look into the substance of Maleard, who hath with no less gravity & wisdom paraphrased upon the history of the forlorn son in the 15. chapter of S. Luke than our Menot hath done afore: which text he hath enriched with all sorts of circumstances forged of pleasure, & couched with terms, rather for laughter, than for education, as followeth.  
Pater quidam habebat duos filios, quorum junior se ostendit 
Ser. Me. Fol. 119.  magis fatuum, quia inconstans fuit. This was a child of his own pleasure, light headed, a minion, and a roisting gallant. Ipse erat unus puer, plenus suo velle, versatilis etc. qui quando venit ad cognoscendum seipsum, svam fortitudinem, suam iwentutem, suam pulchritudinem, & quod sanguis ascendit frontem, his strength, his youth, his beauty, and that the blood began to rise in his forehead, venit ad patrem resolutus sicut Papa, & dixit ei, Pater da mihi, etc. Pater sumus tantùm duo filii: ego non sumbastardus: & sic, quando placeret deo, to do so much for your children, to take you out of this world, non exhaeredaretis me, sed haberem partem meam sicut frater meus. Scio consuetudines & leges patriae, quodte vivente nullum ius habeo in bonis vestris: tamen sum filius vester, & me amatis rogo detis, etc. When this foolish child, and evil counseled habuit suam partem de haereditate, non erat quaestio de portando eam secum, ideo statim he sent for a Broker, prised it, and sold it, & ponit the sale in sua bursa. Quando vidit tot pecias argenti simul, valde gavisus est, & dixit ad se, ho, non manebitis sic semper, Incipit se respicere. Et quomodo? vos estis de tam bono domo, & est appareled like a poor knave? Super hoc habebitur provisio. Mittit ad querendum Drapers, Embrotherers, Mercers, and bravely appareled himself from the head to the foot. Quando vidit, emit sibi pulchras caligas of Scarlet, fair drawn forth with Satin, a fine shirt gallauntlye gathered at the collar, and a minion doublet of Velvet with his jerkin of Florence silk, and his hair painted. Et quando sensit this Damask to rattle about his shoulders, and to flee upon his back, ut sensit hunc damascum volantem supra dorsum, haec secum dixit, Oportetne mihi aliquid? non etc. Do I lack any thing? no, thou haste all thy feathers. And after he showeth how he said he must go see the world, and that those, who never were out of the arms of their mothers, were no better than dolts and patches. And to be brief, he that hath not frequented strange countries, nihil vidit. My father hath laid the rains of my bridle on my neck, pater meus laxavit habenam supra collum. And then he reciteth how as he traveled by the way, he made banquets and good cheer to every man, and that he kept a round Table, having every day in his Inns, players, jugglers, & Tumblers. And in the end, Postquam nihil amplius erat fricandun, when there was no more to spend: mittitur pulchra vestis domini bragantis, caligae, bombicinium: quisquesecum ferebat pecian of our young masters pride, of hose and doublets every one carried away his part: ita quod in brevi tempore, our gallant was made like a gatherer of Apples, and appareled as a burner of houses, or a chimney swéeper: For he was left as naked as my nail, and as nigh worn to the skin as a worm, having hardly a shirt to cover his poor carcase with, which was as bright as a gammon of Bacon, or like a Link new put out, he had so wisely governed and used his prosperity by his pride, pomp, and glory. And further, to prove his wit, as one that was never without matter to please his audience: he courseth and discourseth a gallant gloze on the evangelist of S. Matthew 
Chap. 14.  where the Apostle saith he fed 5000. persons, etc. the same Maliard paraphrasing upon it, affirmeth, that where the text doth testify of 5000. men besides women & children: it must needs follow, that the number was much greater. And first he compareth it to the dinner of a Lymosin, who commonly do eat much, but drink little. Then he maketh a question, where Christ learned to prepare his dinner: adding, that he supposed he had not frequented the banquets of Paris, where they do not forget to drink with their meat. And after he argueth whether it were not in Lent, because every one did eat as much fish as he would: and where Christ did show his first miracle in a marriage to provide wine and no bread, so now he prepared bread and no wine: wherein he commendeth the wisdom and good husbandry of Christ, for that he kept a round table for all comers, it is not mentioned that the Virgin Marie was there, for I believe (said he) if she had been present, she would have remembered him as she did at the marriage, saying, they have no wine, & seeing they feed with so good a stomach, it is pity they lack drink to moisten their meat with: and truly it is not for your reputation, credit, nor honour, to call such a company together and give them no wine: but (said he) if any would make question why our Saviour provided not drink, aswell as meat, I would be his Attorney, and answer: Propter aquarum aproximationem, miraculi maiorem declarationem, Sacramenti Eucharistiae praefiguratio: that is, For that the water being at hand, he would the better declare the miracle, prefiguring the Sacrament of the Eucharist: so it is written, they were by the Sea of Galilee, & sat upon fair and sweet grass: so as when they had eaten their fill, they might go drink as much as they list. I could have enlarged this place if I had followed the gross course of Maliard, but this is more than sufficient, to show how they used both abrupfly and absurdlye to jest with the sacred Scriptures, profaning them at their doltish pleasures. And further 
Barrelet. Fol. 367.  Barrelet affirmed, that rather than Christ should not have been crucified, Marry his mother would have crucified him with her own hands, for (said he) there was no less charity in her, than there was in Abraham, who was ready and prepared to kill his only son. And because it may seem incredible that any would be so lewd to deliver in their Sermons so blasphemous speeches, I will set it down word for word as he himself did both preach it and write it. Quia temporepassionis, quanuis suae dolores essent intensi, videndo 
Serm. fol. 115. Colos. 2.  filium afligi, tamen volebat filium suum mori prohumanae generationis salute Et ut dicit Archiepiscopus, Si alius modus non fuisset ipsamet filium proprium occidisset. Quia non minor erat charita● 
M●●●t affirmeth the same fol. 169. Colos. 3. Fo. 367.  sua, quam Abrahae qui filium suum erat paratus occidere.  
And the same Preacher showeth how the Apostles came to Marry, saying, ho, thy son did promise to send the holy Ghost among us, & now it is ten days since he ascended, & we hear nothing of him. To whom she answered, doubt not but this day he will send him, etc. And these are his own words, unde isto maneiad Maria veniunt, dicentes, Heu filius tuus nobis promisit mittere spiritum Sanctum, hody sunt decem dies quod ascendit, & adhuc spiritum Sanctum non misit. Et virgo, non dubitetis quod hody omnino mi●tet, nec ante mittere debuit. Et ration, Quando Deus traxit populum de captivitate Aegipti, quinquagesimo die descendit informa ignis in monte sin, dando legem, fuit figura quod quinquagesimo die resurrectionis suae, nos liberaret & vivificaret. unde ponamus nos in oratione. Petrus cum alijs se ad unam partem posuit: Lazarus cum. 72. ad aliam, & Magdalena cum alijs mulieribus ad aliam, & virgo Maria in medio. In caelesti palatio facta est dissentio inter Patrem & spiritum Sanctum. 
Serm. Bar. Fo. 178. Colos. 1. Apo. Ste. Fol. 368.  O Pater (inquit Filius) promisi Apostolis m●is paracletum & consolatorem, tempus advenit ut promissionem attendan. Cui Pater, sum contentus, indica spiritui Sancto. Cui spiritus Sanctus, Dic mihi quomodote tractavere. Cui filius vide me per charitem, ostendit ei lat us & manus & p●des perforatos. Heu mihi. Sed vadam in aliam effigiem, quod non and● bunt me tangere. Qui discendit cum magno strepitu. Factus est de c●lo sonus tanquam advenientis, etc.  
I must desire the patiented reader, to hear a little further of this Preachers blasphemy, more incredible than the rest, wherein he doth profane the principallest mystery of our Christian religion. And is, Quamuis ab aeterno Deus praedestinaverit, 
Serm. Bar. Fo. 229. Colos. 4.  etc. Although (saith he) that God of his eternal power, did at the first predestinate the Incarnation of his Son, & the salvation of mankind, yet he would (notwithstanding) that the same should be sought at his hands, by the prayers of us, & of other the holy patriarchs, so as the holy father's with tears desired the day, which is manifestly showed us in the scriptures, as by Adam, Eno, Enoch, Mathusalem, Lamech, & Noah (who lived every one of them so long time) & yet could● not obtain that they so much looked for, and therefore desiring to have an absolute resolution, they sent their Ambassadors, as first isaiah, who saith in his. 16. Chapter Lord send down the Lamb that shall govern the world, (for he writeth Agnum dominatorem terrae) & in his. 45. Chap. you heavens send down your dew upon us, etc. And the. 4. Chapter, O that thou wouldst break the heavens and come down. And after the Prophets they sent Moses, Exod. 4. Chap. Obsecro Domine mittere quem missurus es. I pray thee (O Lord) send him whom thou wilt send, which is as much to say (according to his gloze) thou hast sent me before, but this is but for a particular deliverance, send now I pray thee for a general deliverance. Then the kings sent David, who spoke thus, Lord show unto us thy mercy, and grant us thy salvation. Aaron came after all these and was sent by the Priests, who said, O Lord bow down the heavens and descend among us. And last of all came the Church, which said, lift up thy puissance & might, and come (O Lord) lift up thyself. And when these patriarchs could not obtain 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 369.  their requests, they sent women to be petitioners for them. The first was Madam Eve, who used these speeches: Thou hast condemned us for our sin, but thou (O Lord) hast no respect there unto, deliver me out of this dark and obscure prison: to whom God answered, Eve thou hast sinned, and therefore not worthy of my Son. The second was Madam Sara, who said, O Lord help us: to whom God answered, thou art not worthy, for thou wast hard of belief, touching thy Son Isaak. The third was Madam Rebecca: to whom God said, thou showedst thyself partial between jacob and Esau. The fourth was Madam judith: to whom God answered, thou wast a murderer. The fifth Madam Hester: to whom he said thou didst (by thy glory) love vanity too much, when thou so sumptuously apparelledst thyself to please Assuerus.  
In the end, they sent a waiting maid of the age of fourtéen Years, whose countenance was lowly and very shamefast, who upon her knees said, let my well-beloved come into his garden, and eat of the fruit of the Orchard: The garden, was the womb of the Virgin. The son hearing these words, said to his Father, Father I have loved this Virgin from my youth, and have hitherto searched the means to have her for my Spouse. At the which instant, God called Gabriel, and said, go thy ways with speed to Nazareth to Marie, and carry her this present and these letters from me: and tell her that I have chosen her for my Spouse. And the Son said, commend me to her, and tell her from me, that I have chosen her for my mother, and that I will take flesh of her entrails, & I will be her son, and deliver her these letters. After these two the holy Ghost spoke: I will dwell in her, and she shall be my temple: and give her these letters from me. Gabriel being come to her, said: ave gratia plena, etc. She hearing the 
Ser. Bar. Apo. Ste Fo. 370.  Angel, was greatly troubled, and having three damsels in her company, Prudence, Virginity, and Humility, she addressed her first to Prudence to have her council: saying, my sweet companion, show me your opinion, what I were best to do: Prudence answered, Marry I consider what is written in the. 29. Chap. of Eccle. that light believing argueth an unconstant and w●●●ering heart. Marry thinking in herself what this salut●●●n should mean, remembered the. 32. Chap of Eccle. Audi tacens, & pro reverentia accedit tibi bono gratia, Hearken in silence, and for thy reverence great good grace shall come unto thee. The Angel seeing her so troubled, said unto her, Marry fear not, but show me the cause of your unquiet, and I will satisfy you. Marry asked counsel of her second damsel, Virginity, who willed her to know of the Angel, the mean how this child should be conceived, for if he say, it must be by the seed of man, beat him out of the doors with a cudgel, o junenculae quando vestri amatores nominant impudica, etc. How may this be, seeing I never knew man? The Angel answered, the holy Ghost shall come upon thee, etc. And after he affirmeth there grew an argument or disputation between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, who should perform this redemption of mankind: and in the end, it was concluded, that it should be the Son, and the reason why, etc.  
If I may in pardon pray the gentle Reader to have so much patience to peruse this one part more of their blasphemy: I will entreat him to read this discourse of the same Preacher, for that it shall appear, how much it is like to himself, and to all those, that dwell in the obedience of the Church of Rome: whereby he shall manifestly perceive, how one error (or rather wilful blasphemy) draweth on an other. Where he saith, Altercatio facta est 
Ser. Ber. Fol. 371.  quis debebatire ad matrem nuntiare hanc resurrectione. Adam dixit mihi incumbit, etc. The effect and circumstance whereof is thus. It was in controversy and contention, who should go to show this resurrection to Mary: Adam said, this charge belongeth unto me: for, as I was the first cause of evil, so now I would be a messenger to the contrary: to whom Christ answered, no, you shall not go, for it may be you will stay by the way to eat Apples. Abel said it belonged to him, no answered Christ, for thou mayest by chance meet with Cain, who will kill thee. Noah likewise presented himself to the service, saying that that honour was due to him: to whom Christ answered, thou shalt not go, because thou lovest to drink over much. john Baptist requested the credit of that message: No truly said Christ, thy apparel is too base, for thy rob is only of skins, and Herode may hap to know thee again. The Thief desired to have that office: Christ refused him, saying, thy legs he broken. So, in the end, there was sent an angel, who did sing: Regina coelt laetare, alleluia, resurrexit sicut dixit: hallelujah. And immediately Christ came with all his Saints to the Virgin Mary, etc.  
There are many more blasphemous matters that were published and preached by these great Doctors: whose damnable errors (like unto Mahomet's Koran among the Turks) had that credit then in the world, as it was death to reprove them or control them. And as these Sorbonists by their Romish authority, would scan the Scriptures to their own liking, Metamorphosing the texts into what sense or form best pleased them, holding the world in that ignorance, as they believed all they said to be the only true & undoubted word of God: even so the common sort, choosing the Pulpit as a place more to sport in, than to profit the people, would fill up time with all the vanities that might be.  
As a Preacher in the town of Iper in Flaunders (named Bonaventure) shamed not to say in his Sermon, that after 
Apo. Ste Fol. 441.  Christ grew to some strength, joseph began to teach him his occupation. And one day among others, he set him to, saw a piece of Timber, but Christ not regarding the mark he should have sawed it by, he cut it too short: whereat joseph was very angry and would have beaten him, if he had not hastily taken up the one end, and craving his Father's help to hold the other, drew it out to the same length that joseph would have it, which the Monk justified to be true: and that he had read it in the evangelist of saint Anne.  
Also a Friar (named Bardotte) preached at Bordeaux, the reason why God gave to the good Thief Paradise, and the 
Fol. 441.  cause that he went strait thither, without first passing to Purgatory, for (said he) I have red in a certain Evangelist, that when Christ was carried to Egypt (with his mother by joseph) the same Thief would not suffer his companions to rob Christ, nor any that was with him: And that he said to Christ remember this good turn I have done thee: which was then promised him, and performed, when they met both at one execution.  
Whereby you may see, that these holy Fathers could never lack good matter, having so many and so sundry sorts of Evangelists, as they listed themselves, taking out of some, pleasant substance to make their Auditors merry: and out of others; some miraculous matter to bewitch them with wonders: having withal, a ready resolution for any objection should be made unto them. Yet such whose simplicity delivered the best jewels they found in the Treasure house of their judgement, were more to be borne with in respect of their ignorance, than the cunning knavery of those, who not alone in words, but by shameless gesture and deeds prepared themselves of purpose to abuse both place & company.  
As a Friar in Brussels laid a wager to make one half of his Auditors to weep, the other to laugh: For the which 
Apo. Ste Fo. 480.  purpose, he put on a garment that was very short behind (and without any breeches) he entered the Pulpit upon a good Friday: where in the midst of the Church, he did so vehemently set forth the passion of Christ, that the whole assistance were in tears at the pitiful remembrance of it. Which our friar seeing, the more to aggravate the matter, laid his hands a cross, and seeming to show a great devotion, he bowed his head so low, and lifted his tail so high, as he discovered his backside, provoking all that saw it to laughter: a shameless part to win a drunken wager, and a great blasphemy to God's glory.  
A Monk of Mantua, named Cossolaro: preaching the passion; 
Fol. 355.  and seeing his audience to shed abundance of tears, at his pitiful exclamations upon the cruel death our saviour endured (after he had a while made a may-game of it) he said, hold your peace good people, weep no more, peradventure it was not true: affirming the blasphemy of Pope Leo the tenth mentioned of afore.  
One Roullie a Monkepreached at Orlians, who in his sermon 
Ap. Ste Fo. 485.  (among other bad matter) said to his audience, he would show them a Cuckold: and suddenly stooping into the Pulpit, as though he would take up something, seemed at his rising to cast a stone among them, whereat they all doucked down with their heads. Oh said our devout Preacher. I thought there had been but one Cuckold among you, where now I see you be all of one feather.  
A jesuite (by Baden in Germany) preaching in a meadow, after he had mightily exclaimed against the Lutherans, 
Fol. 485.  he said to his Auditors, that he greatly doubted, least some of them were infected with that devilish doctrine, and therefore desired them, that as many, both men and women, as were not touched with that hateful heresy, but were indeed good Catholics, every one to take a blade of grass in their mouths, for the love and honour they bore to their mother holy Church. Which when they had with great devotion done, he said in a loud laughter: Since I was first borne I never saw so many beasts pasture at one time together. When they were in a chafe, or seemed to be impatient against their parishioners, they would not let to remember the Devil unto them: As witnesseth one Fovet sometime Vicar of Villers in Tartenois, who said in his sermon: Seeing you have no more 
Fol. 485.  regard to the amendment of your lives, the Devil take you all, and me after you. And also an other preaching to his Parishioners, said: You make no account of that I teach you, but rather grow daily worse and worse: 
Fol. 485.  yet notwithstanding, I have cure of your souls, which I would the Devil had charge of, so I were rid of you.  
And seeing I have touched the charge that Curates have of their Patishioners souls: I should do double wrong to forget one Fontanus that sometimes was Vicar of Peerrebuffiere, in high Lymosine. For this good fellow, the better to exhort those of his eure to live well (among other grave sentences) said: When the latter day of judgement 
Fo. 485.  is come, God (I know) will have me to make account for you, and will call me, Vicar of Peerrebuffiere, what haite thou done with thy sheep? but I will stand mute, and answer nothing: And this I am sure he will say● to me three several times, and I not a word, yet in the end I know what I will answer, Beasts thou didst give them me, and beasts I restore them again: which simple History hath not so good a grace in my translation, as it hath in the proper Lymosin language, wherein it is more lively and more aptly couched than in English, and therefore I will deliver it you in his own nature: Quan se vendro loviour deu iugamen, Diou me demandero que you lie rendo count de vou autre: & me apelero, chapello de Peyrebuffiero, en qual eytat son ta olia? Et you ni mot. Et eu ma pelaro enquero, & diro, chapelo de Peyrebuffiero, en qual eytat sonta olio: Et you ni mot. Et eu ma pelero enquero eu mediro chapelode Peyrebuffiero en qual eytat son ta olio? juque a tree voyage. Et you lyreypondray, Seigne, beytia la ma beylaaa, et beytia late rendi.  
A Monk at Bloyse named Bastianus preaching on Alhallonday 
Fo. 486.  somewhat late, and in an obscure place, caused his Novice (standing behind him) to lift up the skull of a dead man (upon a staff) with a little light in it, to the end to make his Auditors have the greater fear of death: which put sundry women in such a fright, as some there present (being with child) fell in still travel, at the fearful sight of it.  
A Friar named by Erasmus Robertus Liciensis having a lover allowed him, by the dispensation of Saint Francis, 
Fo. 481.  who said unto him, that she liked his person, and all the rest well, saving his habit. What habit would you have me wear (said he) to perform your whole liking towards me? she answered, the apparel of a soldier: Then fail not (quoth he) to be at my Sermon to morrow, & you shall see, how I will please you. The next day, he entered into the Pulpit with a Rapier, and all other furniture (belonging to a soldier) under his long rob: where he began his argument, to persuade all Princes to make wars upon the Saracens, and Turks and upon all others, that were enemies to the Christian religion: affirming, that it was great pity, the no person would advance himself, to be a chief of so honourable an enterprise. But if it rest (said he) only on the, behold how ready I am to shake off this garment of S. Francis, and to serve either for a Captain, or for a simple soldier. and therewithal let fall his friars habit from of his shoulders, and remained preaching half an hour after, in the brave apparel of a Captain. The cause being asked him (of certain Cardinals his friends) why he used the new fashion of Preaching? he told them the truth, as you have heard afore, and it passed for a pleasant payment among them.  
This Liciensis preaching before the Pope, and all his Court of Cardinals, considering their pomp and pride, and 
Fo. 482.  specially how they did honour the Pope: he said nothing in the Pulpit, but fie Saint Peter and fie S. Paul, and when he had oft recited those words, spitting first on the one side, them on the other (as those commonly do that have some grief at their hearts) he suddenly departed the Pulpit, leaving his Auditors wonderfully astonied: wherefore some thought, he had not been well in his wits, & other some imagined, he was not sound of Religion: so as they meant to commit him. But one Cardinal among the rest, that knew partly his humour: caused him to be called before the Pope, who commanded him to render some reason for that he had done, & to show what he meant by his horrible blasphemy: he answered, that (in truth) he was determined to entreat of another matter: but considering (said he) that you possess all the pleasures of this world at will, and that there is no state or magnificency comparable to yours, and weighing again with what poverty, pain, and misery, the Apostles lived: I thought (with myself) that either they were great fools, to choose so sharp a life, to go to heaven, or that you were in the high way to Hell: and as for you that hold and have the keys of heaven in your hands, I cannot by any opinion, but approve your wisdoms, commend your judgements, and think well of you: marry as touching the Apostles, I will never esteem them of any value, but disdain them for the greatest sots in the world, who might with the like delicate course of life, come to heaven as you do, and yet would choose so troublesome, so straight, and so painful a way unto 
Fol. 579.  it, approving the sayings of a Painter in Rome, who had made the Images of Saint Peter and S. Paul, and a Cardinal coming into the working house, found fault that he had painted them with too high a colour, for their faces (said he) were too red, to whom the Painter answered: this redness comes of shame, for they blush to see the proud state and trains that you have, in respect of the low and poor countenance they carried.  
A Monk beginning his sermon with these words By the 
Ap. Ste. Fol. 487.  blood, by the flesh, & by the death of God, we are all redeemed & saved, did at (the first) wonderfully amaze his Auditors, for they supposed he had used them for horrible oaths, considering the pause or stay he made between every word. Which bringeth likewise to memory, the knavery of certain Canons in Bloyse, who Christened two children of one john Gods (the one a son the other a daughter) naming the son Death, and the daughter Virtue. This hath a kind of blasphemy in it, which is hateful to the hearer, and damnable to the speaker, considering with what grace they deliver it. But a jesuite (named Hoghsteen) at Hornburge in 
Apo. Ste Fo. 487.  Germany, used his sermon in plainer terms who made it no conscience to swear by God, in despite of the Protestants: affirming that he would prove, how they were worse than the Devil. For (said. he) if I meet with the Devil, & bless myself but which the sign of a Cross, he will strait fly from me: But if I make the sign of a Cross to a Protestant, by God he will fly upon me, & be ready to strangle me.  
Another jesuite being sore hurt (by chance) which the stroke of 
Fol. 〈◊〉.  a horse: a friend of his, that knew his blaspheming humour, said to him: this will make you leave your swearing? who answered, By the body of God I will take heed hereafter how I swear.  
Not unlike to the Abbot whom Barelet (the preacher afore spoken off) friendly admonished, saying: reverent father many 
Fo. 734.  have showed me, that you can not talk without an oath or remembering the Devil: who presently answered, what is he in the devils name that saith so of me? By the body of Christ it is not true.  
A Monk of Bloise in a great rage wished the bloody flux to the Ass that bore Christ into jerusalem. 
Fo. 263.   
And another Religious abused by his harlot, cursed the Wolf, and one hearing him, asked wherein the Wolf 
Fo. 264.  had offended him, for that (said he) he devoured not Christ when he was a lamve. Certain jews being in Rome and hearing the Cardinal's blaspheme Christ so bitterly, said, they marveled how they could believe, that he died for them, & use such outrageous speeches against him, even as though they would spit in the face of God.  
As what Devil could deliver more damnable speeches, than was uttered by a Priest there (his Concubine putting 
Apo. Ste. Fo. 354.  him in a choler) All dispetto di quel can che pendeva nella Croce: In despite of the dog that hanged on the cross. Oh horrible and hateful words, spoken by the Devil in the shape of a Priest: and in that place, where commonly no better fruit could grow. As Paul the third going on his solemn Procession, in the honour of their Corpus Christi day, said in a rage (for that his company marched very slow afore him) if they did not make more haste, he would deny Christ and all that come of him.  
And the same Paul being told (in open consistory) that he could not with a safe conscience give to his kindred Parma 
Fo. 462.  and Placentia, answered: if Paul the Apostle did bear such affection to those of his nation (whom he called brethren) that he desired to be separated from Christ, to the end they might be saved: why should not I with like affection to my sons and cousins, offer myself to damnation, to the end to make them great and honourable personages? Which kind of blasphemy is not alone to be attributed to his holiness, but to the whole genealogy of those triple crowned tyrants, and to all others of their mark, if we may judge their hearts by their acts.  
The same Pope Paul (to ratify the ruin of his Soul) 
Fo. 582.  sent word to Charles the fift (who was not only a favourer, but also a protector of their superstition) that if he would not render Plesantia, he would excommunicate him: To whom the Emperor answered, that he would thunder; and lighten as loud, and as fast with his Cannons, as the Pope should thunder and lighten with his terrible excommunications: and then (said he) let those two try who shall carry the cause away.  
By these threatening means they wonderfully terrified the world: for the very breath of those romish ●eastes, did so Eclipse the bright beams of the truth, as it became as dim and dark as their dreams. And if any (at any time in singleness of he art) did arm himself with God's word to defend his honour and glory, they would encounter them with cursing, excommunication, fire, famine; and sword, and with all the torments of Phalaris, Busiris, and Nero, being still in the combat both judge & party▪ And truly they had great reason, to keep this mighty stull, for they foared (as furious as they were) that if this little light of the Gospel should have any way in the world, it would in small time after quench the gross fire of their greasy k●tchen.  
And now seeing I have presumed so far on the eurious folly, or foolish curiositio of bad Preachers, I will (in pardon) follow the train, and deliver you as an any as I can remember.  
One to whom God (by the witness of himself) had showed 
Fol. 487.  sundry special graces, delivered these speeches in his Sermon of his own commendations, I can not tell how it happeneth (said he) that others of great countenance and fame, are not so well learned, nor can not preach so profoundly or gallantly as I do: some say they lack the knowledge I have, and that they are nothing so wise, which I believe to be true. For all you can witness, that it is not yet a year, since I had neither judgement, nor understanding, and now you see me preach to the pleasing of you all. In which Sermonn he proved his chastity, by the witness of his sister. For (said be) it is reported that I abuse my continence with some in my house, behold my sister (pointing to her with his finger) who must nédes know it, if it were so, for I pass every night through her Chamber to mine: and therefore let her speak her worst and openly if this be not true. This same Doctor, that in one year was become 
Fo. 488.  so wise, received a certain schedule or little scroll, from the bishop of Paris and the Official, wherein was written the names of sundry that he should excommunicate, which (by chance) he let fall into a little hole of his Pulpit, for remedy whereof he helped himself with this pestilent practise, as one the with the loss of the Paper, had likewise lost the remembrance of their names whom he should excommunicate. And therefore said, I excommunicate all those, that are within that hole: and yet in the end (remembering himself better of the matter) he excepted the bishop, and the Official, who had subscribed to the same. This gallant, who gloried not a little in his rotten 
Fol. 489.  learning before it was ripe (being but of one years growth) approved in his Sermon Purgatory, by the example of of his Male horse, confounding all those that would say the contrary: although sundry others had (by great study and travel) collected many authors, out of great and small Doctors, and even from the most famous Saint Patrick himself, and by the witness of sundry souls that returned from thence, and yet the world would scant believe it. This holy, profound, and learned Preacher, speaking of the Lutherans, that sought to shut up all men's mouths, by denying of Purgatory, said, I will deliver a true testimony of it, that the proudest of them all shall not reprove. You know (quoth he) that I am son to old Master Steven, and that we have a fair place by the bridge of Saint Antony, where riding one Evening somewhat late, my Male horse stayed contrary to his custom, and played puff, puff: I commanded my man to spur him: he answered so I do sir, but surely he seeth somewhat more than I do: and then I remembered my mother's report, how she had showed me that there had been seen at sundry times, the appearance of some spirit, therefore I said my Pater noster and my ave Maria, but my horse fearfully treading, would not go forward, playing still puff, puff: and then I added to my devotion, De profundis, the virtue whereof did lead my horse a little further, and when the third time he used his puff puff, I had no sooner said, Auete omnes Animae, & requiem aeternam, but he went praunsing for the without any stay. And those wretches that will not have us pray for the dead, and say there is no Purgatory, let them go to my Male horse, and he shall learn them their lesson.  
I would not that this worshipful father should have all 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 490.  the honour of these subtleties, for a jacobin (named Divolaye) used the like comparison, whereby he proved one point, that all the foregoed Doctors could not find the like Latin for. These shameless Lutherans (said he) will not believe that the body and blood of Christ is in the Sacrament of the Altar, unless they see it: when you have a pasty of Venison, do you not say, it is a pasty of such a thing, and yet see not what is in it: here you have (quoth he) you gross beasts, a manifest example to prove your wilful error.  
A Monk in Paris (named Burdelet) preaching on good 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 490.  friday at the Parish Church of saint Germain's, showed how Christ being on the Cross, and seeing his mother weep so bitterly, said to Saint john, my good Nephew and gentle Cousin, I commend this poor Gentle woman my mother unto you: and laying his hand upon his breast, he did swear by the faith of a Gentleman, that he would be thankful for it. And so proceeding to the text, spoke in the commendation of joseph of Aramathia, how he came to take down the body of Christ, saying, This was not a man of mean parentage, nor a base companion, but a Councillor at the law, one of much honour and credit appareled in a long gown, & mounted on a Moil, all covered with black from the ear to the hoof.  
Master Adrian Begwin (a Curate of Saint Germain's in 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 497.  Noyon) said to his Parishioners in a Sermon, my friends you must have patience, and bear with my brief brawling at this time, for I am bid to dinner to a fat Pig, but truly if I had tarried, I would have played the mad man among you, and have taught you, Rung, rage en rage with all the rig r●gges of round Robin, which because it hath a pleasant Emphasis in the French, I leave it in the proper terms as I found it.  
A Prior of the jacobins in Bloyse, preaching one day in 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 492.  his Covent, and taking his Theme against the cavillations of the Lutherans, said, they would have us join with them to the word of God: by my faith I swear to you all, I know not what they mean by it, but I know well that to mingle a little water to a good deal of Wine, is a good conjunction: whereat his audience began so heartily to laugh, that our fatherly Friar was fain to say, you have laughed enough: and then after he had taken a new breath, he continued his purpose, saying, I remember that this great King Francis being in his good City of Roan, a Gentleman of his complained, that there were two clocks in the town of such discord, that when the one would strike. 8. the other would strike. 9 which came by the fault of those that kept them. And therefore the King commanded that the clock keepers should be brought to drink together, which done, their clocks accorded, and their charge went orderly. And so my masters, if the King (at the last meeting and convention at Poissi) had brought us and the Hugenot ministers to have once drunk together, I believe, by my faith, we had now been friends, and at a good unity and agreement: which made his audience to laugh more than at the first. But such as desire to hear these kind of comparisons, no doubt but if he address himself to our aged men that he of good memory here in England, he shall find of their old store, approved among our foregoed Fathers as pleasant as these.  
It was wont to be a common proverb, It is as true as God is in the Mass, which was so generally used, as the world thought there was no article of religion so certain, nor that there was any leaf in the Bible or new Testament, but it made mention of it. And some (to prove the antiquity and troth of the same) shamed not to preach that 
Fo. 433.  Cain resembled the damnable Lutherans, for that he could never be persuaded to hear Mass, where his brother Abel would never fail to be at Mass. To the better confirmation whereof, a Priest of Savoy, used to admonish his Parishioners, saying, Take heed you follow not that reprobate wretch Cain, who would never pay his Tithes nor hear Mass as he ought to do, but rather follow his good brother Abel, who did both with a good will pay of the best, fairest and fattest, and never miss day to hear Mass: which argument if it be true, proveth that Massing Priests, were then married: for seeing there was only four persons at that time in the world, Adam, Eve, Cain, and Abel, it is to be believed, that Cain said no Mass, for that he hated to come to it: and Abel could not say Mass alone, and therefore it must needs follow that Adam was the Massing man, Abel did help him, and Eve held the torch, whereby is proved that the first priest was married.  
Unto this Curate I may compare as a companion, the 
Fo. 434.  jesuit that said in his Sermon, that when the Angel Gabriel came to the Virgin Marie, he found her on her knees, saying our Lady Matins: and also that Abraham, Isaak, and jacob, and other the patriarchs, never laid them down, before they blessed themselves with the sign of the Cross, saying their Pater noster and ave Maria. But if one should demand how they know this to be true, it must pass for currant coin, to answer, he heard it of some great Doctor.  
Who doubteth of the great superstition, that those dreamt on, who (at the first) framed the sundry parts & patches of the Mass: which wrought & brought to perfect medley, was made more vendible, than all their trash beside. By what brains it was devised, by whose cunning augmented, & by what persons performed, sundry ancient authorities do witness: yet truly no portion of their religion more to be embraced for mirth than this: it hath so many pleasant dumb shows, so many strange mysteries, and so gallantly masked, that during the play, they stand at a gaze, and are amazed, as it were looking for wonders, until Ita missa est, 
Farewell and be hanged.  biddeth them valet, & plaudete. Although the glory of this game was so great, as all knees bowed at the hearing of it: yet in the best world, & when it had most credit, there were some of all sorts, could say it without Book: and even the Massing mates themselves would sometimes jest at it.  
As a Priest in Lovein, (named Sanders) confessed he knew not the division of Masses, for all souls, & for all saints, etc. But for a common Mass he could coarse one, and it were for the devils good grace. Much like the good fellow, that bad 
Fo. 357.  sir john come and say Mass, in the name of a hundred thousand Devils: for his Master was angry. And as a Gentleman of Lorraine, who loved the Mass well, and knew his son did not greatly like of it, said to him: To Mass in the devils name, to Mass, his son believing that his Father spoke truer, than he winned for.  
A poor Priest in a village, not far from Amsterdame 
Apo. Ste Fo. 592.  (in holland) finding in an old Almanac, Sol in Cancro, written with red letters, supposed it had been the name of some solemn Saint: and therefore endeavoured to search out what Mass should serve for that day. But in the end, when he had well turned and returned (twice or thrice) his Mass Book over, and could find no such Saint there, he said, what a Devil is this for a Saint? Whereupon he concluded (in choler) thus, Sol in Cancro, Sol in Cancrus, nec est virgo nec martyrus, venite adoramus: which because it hath no good grace in the English, I leave it to master parson's exposition, and will for his better credit accompany 
Fo. 651.  him with his own Country man, a Priest of Dort, whose ignorance was such, as he knew not what was meant by the name of Lutheran, whether it were the name of a man, or of a beast, or of any thing else: for being so called, (because he said In nomine Patria, & filia, & spiritua Sancta) he so grieved at it, as he desired his friend to show him what that name might signify, who persuaded him, it was a disease ten times worse than the Leprosy: whereat he took such a conceit (supposing it to be some unknown malady) as he sent his water to the Physicians, willing him in any wise to send him word if he were not sick of a Lutheran, and to show him the remedy.  
These morrow Mass mates (who commonly had more good fellowship in them, than either wit or learning) were endowed with one special condition, worthy to be commended, for they had Masses of all sorts, for all diseases, of all prizes, and for the humours of every man: and therefore they knew (if they did not unbrydle it with speed, to those that loved a short grace) what favour they should have of them. As certain Gentlemen of France, blessed their Chaplain, who having haste of their journey, desired the Priest (in am of a hunting Mass) to give them the Mass of a Soldier, supposing it to be one of the shortest. The Parson perusing his Portas, could not find any Gospel that made mention of men of war, except in the Passion, where it is written. Cum fustibus & armis, with Clubs and other Weapons, etc. And therefore brought the whole Passion in his Mass: which made his audience in such a rage at him, as they cursed both the sacrifice, and the sacrifycer: for they were booted and spurred, and their horses ready to founder at the Church door, staying for them. The only madness that holdeth the world in this Massing Frenzy, consisteth in the vain hope they have to free their friends out of Purgatory: whereunto they have some reason, when the Memento of one Mass alone (and at one instant) delivered. 99 Souls from thence. And the Parson being asked why he left an odd behind, 
Fol. 620.  answered, that if the clap of the Church window had not so suddenly started him, he would have performed the just number of a hundred.  
And if it may be tolerable (among so many bad matters) 
Fo. 463.  to recite one part played by a Provost in France, yet persited by an opinion of the Mass, I will show you the history. This Magistrate meaning for money to save a notable Thief, and to avoid the slander in justice, caused an honest poor man to be brought before him, whom he said he had long sought for, and that he had committed such & such sundry crimes worthy death: the poor soul standing upon his innocency, stoutly denied al. But this Provost resolved in his wretched purpose, persuaded him, saying, if he did confess it, he would cause so many Masses to be said for him, & so his soul should be sure of Paradise: but if he denied it, he should notwithstanding be hanged and go strait to the devil, for he would suffer no one Mass to be said for him: the poor man hearing of hanging and going to the Devil, was greatly afraid, & supposed if he must needs die, it were better to gain those Masses and go to God: so in the end he answered, that he did not remember he had committed any such faults as they charged him, but if they knew it better than himself, & that they were assured it was true, he would (so the Masses might be said for him) take his death in good part: who had no sooner spoken that word but he was carried to execution in the place of the thief. The persuasion of the Masses to keep him out of Purgatory led this innocent to his death.  
To the maintenance whereof Erasmus reciteth how a 
Fol. 147.  Priest on All Souls night fastened to the bodies of sundry small Crevices certain wax lights, scattering them among the graves in the Church yard (which seemed very terrible to behold in the dead of the night as all the lookers on were astonished at the fearful and strange sight of it, whereupon this Priest in his Sermons published that they were the spirits and souls of such, as sought to be delivered from the pain they endured in Purgatory, by Masses and almesdéedes, which craft was shortly known, for some of those spirits were found with their Candles cleaning to them: and that unripped the pack of this Popish knavery.  
And the same Erasmus in the two and twentieth book of his epistles, showeth further how a night ghost was consured: 
Erasmus lib. 22. of his Epi.  for (sayeth he) there was a certain Priest that held his niece in the house with him, who had good store of money: and to the end to draw somewhat from her, he lapped himself in a sheet, and towards midnight entered her Chamber, counterfeiting a spirit: the woman that was wise, perceived in part the mystery, and therefore caused another of her kinsmen the next night to come and lie secretly in the Chamber by her: who in am of a conjuring book brought a good cudgel, filling his head with drink to be the hardy: the spirit appearing (as afore) began with his fearful noise pitifully to cry, when the conjuror (who had not yet digested his Wine) suddenly set upon him, and so basted him on both sides, saying if thou be the Devil I am his Dam, as he had utterly spoiled him if he had not the sooner discovered himself.  
In the year. 1569. there was in Ausburge in Germany, 
Apo. Ste Fol. 147.  certain servants belonging to one of great worship, who made no account of the subtle sect of the jesuits. Whereupon a foul of the same feather, promised their Master he would easily remove that opinion from them, to the performance whereof, he disguised himself into himself, and put on the habit (of his first founder) the Devil: And after hiding him in a corner of the house, to the which place one of the maid servants by her masters appointment was sent, this jesuite in the form of a devil so feared her, as she had like to have gone out of her wits: which she presently reported to one of her Master's men, persuading him in no case to come near that way. The fellow notwithstanding thought to prove whether her fear proceeded of any assured cause, went to try it: upon whom this jesuite devil, or Devil jesuite (in the most horriblest manner he might) fastened his counterfeit talons. The fellow partly provided afore (looking for some such matter) drew out his dagger, & wrought a miracle, by killing of the devil.  
Thus you may see, that the opinion which every one had in their holiness, furnished them with all devilish inventions to maintain the same: And therefore we ought greatly to rejoice (in God and our Queen) that the true profession of the Gospel hath so opened the eyes of England, that we may behold all their abuses, in their perfect kind. For now God will not suffer, that such (which purely (in faith and sincerity) call upon his holy name in jesus Christ his son) shall fear or doubt any of those damnable devices: where before they were wont (by their daily familiarity with the Devil (to have him continually conversant among them:) practising by spirits (his instruments of darkness) to hold the world in blind errors. Which a Protestant alleging to a Papist, for the better sign and token of our true profession, said: You may the sooner understand by this, that our religion is good and sound doctrine: For since God's word was preached among us, we have not seen nor heard of any night ghosts to trouble us. The other supposing this argument to serve best for his purpose, replied, saying, it is rather a token that God hath taken his grace from you, for that now the Devil hath no more to do, considering he doth account you all his own. Alleging this example, written by Aeneas Silvius sometime Pope Pius the 2. which he took out of the Legend of Saint Benet, and the history is thus: Saint Benet travailed to a Covent of Monks, where he found a heap of unclean Spirits combating with the holy Fathers of that place: and all to remove them from their good works. saint Benet at another time returning to the Abbey, found an evil spirit sitting idly wagging his legs, and beating his heels together with cold: whom he conjured to show him the cause of his idleness: he answered, we are to make wars with Cloystermen and such as be the servants of God, and not against those whose dreams, trumperies, and blasphemies do already serve the Devil.  
This was well applied, if Saint Benet had been by to have paraphrased further upon it: for none will deny but that the subtlety of the Devil is such, as he seeketh to increase his kingdom by all the means he may: and how can his glory be greater, than to keep that carefully which he hath gotten cunningly: And also it is a general rule, that a conqueror doth triumph in nothing more than in holding in due obedience, those that are become his vassals, which must be by the presence of himself, or by his chiefest ministers. And seeing the Devil wanteth no experience, having as much foresight as so proud a Spirit may have if we be so assuredly his own as that Papist would make us, he would not be from us in person as a friend to favour us, or in power as a jealous foe to lose us, considering the holy league (so termed) by the consent of so mighty Papists, have promised to make us revolt (if it be as the petty Papist sayeth) from him. But, as it is only natural reason that those gross creatures of the Pope's desire to be satisfied by, so in reason they know it is as much wisdom & policy to keep, as it is praise & glory to get, which in my opinion, the fiend would foresee as a principle, if he held us so dear, as this his darling (winning that goal, in his own conceit, with one stroke) allegeth he doth: & therefore it is to be believed, the Devil will not dwell but where he hath some interest, and may be welcome: And the which is most true, the Pope his best beloved, as he cannot forbear him, so he dare not spare him so far of, seeing Gods warriors are coming with a rolling crench towards him. And as in all martial marches, there are ever some stragglers, who care neither for Country, Captain, nor cause, but follow only to pray upon the spoil of others: so the Papists of present time, that seem to muster under the banner of true Christians (vexed with the frenzy of these forlorn spirits in the image of Englishmen) come roguing and straggling among us, (as a new found jesuite of late did) who covet nothing more than the ruin of their Country, that they might (with the Devil their Master) have a part in the bloody booty. But to prove indeed, how Satan the chief Master of sin, dare not be where the word of God is truly taught, the sacred Scriptures in every text do testify: As in Matthew the 8. Mark the 5. Luke the 8. Paul. 2. to the Corin: 6. Chap. etc.  
Although the invention of man be great, whose proud judgement hath presumed on many things: yet truly, his iniquity (in his own nature) did never devise a more damnable blasphemy against God and his Saints, than that book entitled Legenda Aurea. Wherein there are many passages so far from Decorum, that if the reader be tender hearted or squeamish stomached, it will make them Sea-sick to peruse them.  
As for a first example: Friar juniperus (whom Saint Francis held for a very holy and most perfect godly man) would to show his singleness in devotion be cook one day to the whole Covent: where setting a great cauldron of water over the fire, he put thereinto certain Pullet's, neither plumed, drawn nor washed: and all other kind of flesh as well fresh as saulte, with sundry sorts of Herbs, and with Pease, beans, and all manner of Pults, picking nor cleansing any thing. And having boiled all this brave broth together, he served it in the same comely sort to his company: which was taken for simplicity sake to be the true part of a saint.  
The same juniperus, being (in respect of his devotion) laid in a good bed and a fair pair of Sheets, did so dungnifie them with dirt, as his hostess was feign to take it for payment, without a farewell. These two religious parts, were to his singular praise (for simple holiness) set forth, in the Conformities of Saint Francis, in the 62. and 63. leaves. Which honest histories are there recited, to show the humility of this holy Friar. And it may be there was more mystery in the natural course of those Crucifire Cormorants, than in any other common creatures: For Friar Ruffin (mentioned of in the same Book) made the Devil more afraid, by threatening that 
Fol. 95. Where it is shamefully recited in plain● terms.  he would untruss a point in his throat, than with all the holy-water he had: which argueth, that those gross mates fed on some sacred substance: otherwise, the Devil would never (with such fear) have fled so filthy a perfume.  
Pardon me good Reader, for my undecent speeches, for I must accommodate my terms in part to the purpose: And it is an o●de Proverb, that it is hard to apply honest words to unhonest works: and as Chaucer saith, a plain tale must have plain terms. Who can forbear to laugh and read the life of Saint Dominike, how he besieged certain Devils within the body of a man, from whence he would not suffer them to depart, before they had given him pledges to return no more thither? And how Saint Francis to prove his virginity did strip himself 
In confor. 211.  stark naked before the Bishop of Assize, and gave the Bishop his breeches for a relic.  
Even as he was, so were his Disciples: for Friar Leonard coming to the gate of Viterbe, pulled off all his 
Fo. 62.  apparel, put his breeches on his head, and his shirt, with the rest of his clothes, he bound up in a farthel and hanged it about his neck. And in this brave beastly sort he passed through most places of the City, enduring (in the mean time) all the shameless mocks that might be. And in the same naked show he went to the Abbey (a fellowship of his own Fraternity) where they cried upon him for this most impudent part: But this good friar was so clothed in Holiness, as he made no account of all their reproaches. You shall likewise findethe great wisdom and gravity of that Arch Saint Francis himself in the 114. leaf of his Conformities, how he saluted fleeing fowl, spoke to them, & called them his brethren, commanding them to hear the word of God, whereat they rejoiced so much, as they stretched forth their necks, and opened their villes, and beheld him very attentively: And after the Sermon, he passed through the midst of them, and then gave them leave to depart in peace: which they did with great devotion, dividing themselves into four parts, whereby they did signify, that the orders of Saint Francis should pass, & be placed in all quarters of the world: and that he should be renowned on the earth above all other professors. Also that Saint Francis and a Nytingale did sing together a whole day the one answering 
Fol. 149.  the other. And in the leaf 114. is mentioned, how by making of the sign of the Cross only, he charmed a mad Wolf, that had hurt many, and concluded this bargain with him, saying, my brother the Wolf, thou shalt promiss me, that thou wilt be no more so ravenous, as thou haste been, and I will warrant thee, that those of the City shall feed thee: which the Wolf affirmed to hold by inclining his head to him: and for his more faith & credit, he gave his right foot into Saint Francis hand, who commanded the Wolf (as his good brother) in the name of jesus Christ to go with him, which he did. We read likewise of many other Saints that had a special felicity to be conversant & to devise with beasts, but I believe that the fraternity and fellowship of Wolves, was only peculiar to Saint Francis. Is it not a mockery to read, that Saint Macaire did 7. years penance among thorns & briars, for killing of a flea? And who can forbear to laugh at an other part of Saint Dominike recited towards the end of his legend? which is, that a Nun named Mary, having a grief in her thigh, that had greatly troubled her the space of five months, (& in the end acknowledging her unworthiness to pray to God, or to be heard of him) she prayed to Saint Dominike, that he would be a mediator between God and her, that she might recover her health. After which devotions, Saint Dominike came to her in her sleep, and with an ointment that he took from under his Cope (which was of excelling savour) he anointed her thigh & made her whole: And when she asked the name of so sovereign a remedy, he answered it was the ointment and balm of love. For the further judgement thereof, I leave it to the discretion of the reader, whose imagination, I suppose, will join with mine: which truly is no worse, than the same that was between friendly S. Francis, and loving S. Clare mentioned of in the 84. leaf of his Conformities.  
We have the like history (though more blasphemous) 
Sprenger.  published by one Sprenger, an Almain Writer: who shamed not to put in print, the where a jacobin named Alaine, did forge our Lady's Psalter, she, in recompense of it, came to his chamber, & made him a ring of her hair, wherewith she married him, & how she kissed him, and offered him her paps to play with, & that she was as familiar with him, as any wife could be with her husband. In the Legend of S. Germaine is showed how the king of Denmark denying to him and his company lodging, he was fain to seek it at the Neat-herds hand, who received him gently, brought him to his house, and having but one Calf did kill it for S. Germaine and his company, that were like to perish with hunger & cold. But after supper he caused the skin & bones of the veal to be brought together to him, whereupon when he had made his prayers, the Calf did rise into his first proportion of life again. And the next morning he went to the king, using great & gross speeches unto him, commanding him out of his kingdom, & established the cowherd in his place, which he & his successors enjoyed for ever after. He that desireth to hear more of these fables, shall find his fill of them in the Legend of the Saints lives: where this, & much worse matter is written for a truth of them. And also Nicephorus reciteth, that many years after 
Nicephorus.  the death & burial of S. john Chrisostome, his body did daily speak, & would both ask & answer to questions. And that the Emperor Theodosius did write letters to him. But the Book called the Conformities of S. Francis with jesus Christ, mentioned of so oft afore, was never compiled without the aid and consent of the Devil himself: For, one of the greatest miracles that Christ here on earth did, was the raising of Lazarus from death to life: which was as common and easy to S. Francis and his Disciples, as it was to drink a glass of Wine. And S. Francis used it as a sport, to kill: to the end he would show his power to quicken again, as is recited in these proper words, in the leaf 120. Locus est dictus de Nuceria, in quo beatus Franciscus fecit illud ensign miraculum, quod cuiusdam medici filium primogenitum prius occidit, & contritum suscitando restituit. The valour say they of Christ, was nothing comparable to the miracles of S. Francis for Christ was transfigured but once, S. Francis 20. times: Christ changed water into wine but once, he thrice: Christ suffered the grief of his wounds but a little while, he whole two year together: And as concerning miracles to make the blind to see, the lame to go, and to drive Devils out of the possessed, Christ cannot compare with S. Francis and his followers. For they have given sight to more than a thou●and blind, they have restored the limbs to more than a thousand lame (as well men as beasts) and they have forced the Devil to fly out of more than a thousand men and women. Is it possible that any Christian ear could hear them preach these horrible blasphemies in open Pulpit, & not spit in their face, or rather tear them in pieces? Yea, when they were not ashamed to conclude, that Christ was but a counterfeit to S. Francis, and in these damnable terms, that he was not worthy to pull off his hose: affirming with full gorge, that he did far excel & surpass the Apostles, the Saints, & all the Angels: And in the 17. leaf it is said he was a Patriarch, a Prophet, a Postle, a Martyr, a Doctor, a Confessor, a Virgin, an Angel, & a Saint most conformed to jesus Christ. And in so. 49. they name the 12. Apostles of S. Francis, Petrus Chatanei, johannes de Capella, Philippus Longus, etc. And as judas Iscarioth was rejected out of the fellowship of the Apostles, for betraying their Master Christ: so johannes de Capella was dejected from S. Francis, because he was proved to detest his profession. And further, they do ascribe unto him the title of jesus of Nazareth King of the jews: For first they invested him with the title of jesus, because he was in nature, quality, condition, and conformity, most like unto him: And of Nazareth, for that he was a most pure virgin: They called him King because he kept both the inward and the outward laws: And for that he was full of melody and joy, soliciting all the world to the praise & honour of God, they said it was a special signification of the jews.  
Behold the conclusion of this most devilish and infernal invention of the Pope's Saints, which ascended to the highest degree of most ungodly blasphemy.  
It is no marvel though they held him (and others his like) in that cursed credit: when they so bewitched the wits of all men, as they thought no reverence too much, to be (with great devotion) done, to any part or parcel of them: yea, and it were but to a patch of their apparel. As at Trier in the Abbey of S. Simon, they held the Pantaphles of S. joseph for a great relic: And at Aix in Germany his breeches, and our Lady's smock: The smock great enough for a Giant, and the breeches too little for a Dwarf: And in some places they reverenced for relics their pots and their spoons: And at Gennes they honoured the Ass' tail that carried Christ: and in Lorraine the holy Hay that was in the rack where Christ was borne: At Arles among the Augustine's, at Vigand in Languedoc, and at Florence the stones that stoned S. Stephen were had in great price: They also honoured the Arrows that were shot at S. Sebastian in Poitiers, and at Lambeske in Provence. And in my opinion, seeing the Stones and arrows were accounted so holy, the Archers and Stone-casters were worthy some glory.  
But to the end the Reader shall not muse over much upon these subtleties, to show that the world had no eyes, neither in their heads, nor in their understanding, but as willingly or wilfully blind suffered themselves to bed led into all absurdity: I will recite a certain history, whereby you may the better behold their simple folly.  
When Nicodemus took our saviour Christ from the Cross, he saved so much of his blood as filled one of the 
Fol. 612.  fingers of his glove: with the which he wrote sundry miracles. By reason whereof, being hardly persecuted by the jews, he was compelled in the end to convey it away by a marvelous means. For he did write in a piece of parchment, all the miracles he had done, with the whole circumstance how the mystery should be used, and closed the blood with the parchment in the bill of a big water fowl (for my Author maketh no mention of his name) and having bound it and trimmed it in the best manner he might, he cast it into the Sea, and commended it to God. Whose blessed will was, that after this Saint Bill (by the time and term of 1000 or 1200. years) had sailed through all the Weasterne and Eastern seas, it should in the end arrive in Normandy, where at this day doth stand the Abbey of Bill: And being by the boisterous billows cast ashore among other baggage, on a heap of bushes, it happened a good Duke of Normandy (one that was a founder to such follies in those days) to be hunting of a Hart in those quarters, where suddenly he had lost both Dear and Dogs, till at last he spied them before this bush all on their knees, the Hart first, and the hounds hard behind him: and as some writ, they were at their prayers. This sight moved the Duke to great devotion, who reverently sought the place, where he found this precious Bill with the contents thereof: which caused him to build an Abbey in the honour of it, naming it the Abbey of Saint Bill, where this beautiful miracle is yet to be seen, adorned with such sundry riches, as this Bill doth now feed a number of bellies.  
Here is to be noted, how evidently and impudently they did mock the poor Idiots in that age: For, when they did open the shop of their shameless relics, how boldly would they brag of their rotten merchandise? As behold here in this viol the blood of our saviour Christ gathered together under the Cross by the virgin Mary: And in this other viol, is the tears of our Redeemer, that he did shed on the Cross, when he beheld his pitiful mother: Here is the milk of our Lady's breasts, the hair of her head, and the sooadling bands wherewith she first rolled Christ at his birth: And in this bottle (which may not in any wise be opened) is the very breath of jesus christ curiously kept by his mother ever since he was a little one.  
As a Priest at Gene, returning from jewrie, affirmed he brought with him of the same breath, and from Mount Synay the horns of Moses. These shameless shows of their trumpery, if any did find fault or speak against them, be was condemned for an heretic: For it was (they would say) allowed and confirmed by the Pope's Holiness, to be most true, and therefore damnable to think the contrary. I leave to recite their infinite store of trash, which by their runagate Pardoners were made as vendible as these.  
As one that carried about the relics of Saint Hubart (to 
Fo. 555.  justify the virtue of them) bashed not with most blasphemy to affirm, that if the holy Ghost were bitten with a mad dog, he would come to Saint Hubart to be healed. Among this rabblement of Relics, I must needs intrude 
Fol. 559.  one miracle performed in the person of a jesuite, who, to observe the strait laws of their religion, had his Concubine close in his bed to help him say his Matins at midnight: And his boy or Novice coming up in the morning (by chance they both asleep) he saw four naked feet hang out of the bed, whereat he was so amazed, as he suddenly put his head out at the window, and mainly cried: ho, come see a miracle, for my Master hath four legs.  
And further, to show their authority for the proof of their Images, which they honoured with reverence due only to God, it will every way appear to be as bad & as absurd as the rest. For a Legate of the Popes to the oriental Churches, did allege for Saints, the text of Moses: God created Man to his own Image: and therefore he affirmed, we ought to have Images. An other to prove that Images must be upon the Aultare: brought in the 5. of matthew for a witness: where Christ sayeth, that none lighteth a Candle, and covereth it with a bushel, but setteth it upon a candle stick, to light all the house with. An other alleging, that the sight of Images was profitable, bringeth the 4. Psalm for proof: The light of thy countenance, O Lord, is marked upon us. And Theodorus brought in this subtlety, It is written, that God is marvelous in his Saints: And therefore he would have us to contemplate his glory in Images: And one affirmed this similitude, that as the patriarchs used the sacrifice of the Infidels, so Christians ought to have Images, in am of their Idols. Here you may see their fair allegations, approved by some of their general counsels and preached in their common sermons: by which places of Scripture they abused sundry of good capacity and judgement: And yet the simplest might see how far they erred from the true meaning of the Text.  
A Sorbonist Doctor named Demochares (of late years at the Convention of Poissi in France) pleading in the defence of Images, against a minister of God's word, when he was set aground and saw his own overthrow, he shamed not to take hold on this allegation: gation: That the Church of Saint Benet's in Poissi was builded in the time of Saint Device, and there was images in the glass Windows: Ergo there were Images in saint Device time: you have well answered said the Minister, with a good grace like a Doctor, and with matter sufficient, pertinent to the purpose: but that the best substance of your brittle authority is altogether of glass.  
With what sorts of superstition did they lead the world when they made so dear sale of these fantastic sights, or rather infernal vanities, compelling the simple people sometime, to honour the presence of his image here, whose soul was with the Devil elsewhere: As an ancient Doctor writeth, Multorum corpora adorantur in terris, quorum animae cruciantur in infernis How were they blinded with the filthy and most stinking sin of Idolatry, when in time of most peril, and at the instant of their deaths every one had some peculiar Saint to call upon: and such they were commonly, as in their lives they did most devotion and honour unto: clean forgetting God in the merit of his son jesus Christ. As Erasmus making mention of a shipwreck, showeth, that when the master of the ship saw no remedy 
Erasmus Coloq.  but the loss of all, and willing every man (passengers with him) to prepare to die, declaring the assured peril they were in, some called upon one Saint, some upon another, every one according to the hope he had in their private help: and one among the rest desired his S. Christopher to remember him, promising, that he would present him with a Taper light, as long and as great as the Mast of the ship: another standing by & hearing his offer (who knew his terms and state very well) said, how canst thou perform thy vow, when all the wealth thou hast is not worth so much wax as the Mast is big: to whom he replied, speaking it softly (that S. Christopher should not hear him) saying, hold thy peace friend, I will promise much to have his help now, but if I get once to shore, I will scant give him a Candle as big as my finger.  
Not much unlike unto this was the pleasant part of a Tailor of Florence, who had a long time (with great devotion) 
Apo. Ste Fo. 118.  honoured the Image of Saint Baptist, and one day on both his knees, he humbly desired to know whether his wife (at any time) had wanton abused him, and what fortune should follow his only son. A young Novice (trained up to all knavish toys) happened to overhear his petition: who stepped behind the Altar, and feigning the voice of Saint john, answered him: My dear friend and faithful follower, for thy long reverent worshipping, & devotion thou haste done unto me, I will truly tell thee: thy wife hath oft horned thy head, and thy son shall be shortly hanged: wherefore depart in peace, since thy Prayers be heard: whereat our Florentine entering into a great rage, did rise & took his leave without a farewell, but when he was a little past from him (using no reverence of Cap or knee) he turned and said: what art thou for a Saint? the Novice answered, I am thy Saint Baptist: My Saint (quoth he) thou art the devil, a liar, foul mouthed, and a slanderer, which thou hast used from the beginning. For that babbling false tongue of thine, caused Herode worthily to cut off thy head. I have prayed 
Matthew the. 14. cha.  to thee this 25. year and have offered more light before thee, than I am worth: But now holding up his fist towards him, & offering him the Italian fig) I will see thee hanged, as the waste headed, before I will come to thee again.  
A certain Cook in Florence, accustomed to make his ordinary prayers & Candle offerings to a very young Image of 
Apo. Ste Fol. 576.  Christ, entertaining himself in his grace the space of xx. years: about which time, it fortuned a Tilestone to fall from the house upon his child's head, & wounded him to the death, which the Father perceiving, came to his young S. Christ, & brought him a fair wax light for a present (where he was wont to offer only a tallow Candle) using this prayer: my most sweet little Lord jesus Christ, I pray thee restore my son to health, thou knowest it is now more than xx. years since I first faithfully served thee, during which time, I never desired any pleasure of thee, but now, seeing my son is in danger of death, I am come to commend us both unto thee, desiring thee to help him, as well for the devotion he bears thee (being young like thyself) as for the continual service I have done thee. After he had ended these prayers, he went home, where finding his son dead, he returned in a fury to his little Christ, to whom (without any knee or courtesy) & with his cap on his head he said, I do utterly renounce thee, with assured promise, that thou shalt never see me more: I have with true devotion served thee long, and never required any good turn at thy hand till now: and thou hast both denied me and deceived me. I confess I over-late find my own folly, for had I done half the service to the gentleman that good old Rood thy Father that stands by thee, as I have done to thee, I am sure he would not so childishly have refused me. And one thing more I will promise thee, it shall be a warning for me for ever hereafter, to have to do either with thee, or with any boy for thy sake, adding this proverb Chis ' 
Apo. Ste Fo. 577.  unpaccia confanciulli, confanciulli siritrova: He that hath to do with children, shall be childishly handled, which may well agree with this that followeth: For where one praying to our Lady (with her little infant Christ in her arms) had his answer made in a childish voice (by one that stood behind her Image) which liked him nothing, and judging by the voice that it was not the mother that spoke, but her son, said, hold thy peace pretty babe hold thy peace, & let thy mother speak who hath more wit than thyself.  
But the Burgonion used braver speeches to a young Crucifix, son to an old that had almost killed him, for he coming 
Ap. Ste. Fol. 577.  into the Church, and seeing a fair young Crucifix made with a smile countenance, and set in the place of the old, he said to him: it is not thy dissembling face, nor all the flattering shows thou canst make, shall deceive me, for I will never trust thee: And I warraunty if thou live to the age of a man, thou wilt prove as false as thy father, that meant to murder me. Not much unlike the speeches that a Fleming used to a rood in Rochel, though in another sense: for he coming thither to sell Herring, and finding a bad Market for his purpose, he went into the Church, where seeing the Rood with his head hanging on the one side, and looking very pitifully, he said: ah good Lord, didst thou (likewise) bring hither Herring to sell? These Histories do witness, that as the Pope & his prelacy, brought all the world into damnable Idolatry, touching the worshipping of Saints, so it seemed that some in all ages, would show those Idols their Lessons, when they pleased them not.  
As not long since the inhabitants of a village called Neutonne by Paris, for that their vines were frozen on Saint 
Fo. 578.  George's day: did not alone speak bold & opprobrious words unto him, but presumed on his person, and threw him into the river of Seine, to the end he should be as well frozen as their Vines, which act was so much the more hardy, for that they durst attempt it against him, who is a Mars among all the Saints.  
And a Friar in Artoys in Henaulte, Preaching of the statue of gold, that Nabuchodonozor caused to be set up, 
Fo. 467.  whereof Daniel maketh mention in his third Chapter, he said, this Image was as great a villain as our Saint Eust●ce is, but he was all of Massy gold, I would to God our Saint Eustace were so to.  
Whereby, as we may see that some would be saucy with their Saints, so truly in all worlds there were that would touch their Hypocrisy with terms apt for them.  
For Laurence de Medecis who knew the best honour due to 
Apo. Ste Fo. 578.  their desert, being asked by the Turks Ambassador how it happened he could not see so many mad men, fools & Idiots, pass through the streets of Florence, as were commonly to be seen in Cairo & other Cities of his Country, he answered, we hold them all enclosed in strong houses, every one according to the quality of his madness or frenzy: whereupon the next day (accompanying him out of Florence) he showed him a number of Monasteries, which he said were the places for their fools and mad men of all sorts, and were called Monks, Friars and nuns. All this is nothing, nor that which hath been published by our predecessors, against the petty sort of the Clergy, in respect of the which hath been spoken against the Popes their own persons.  
For Pasquin from the beginning and even at their doors would touch them so to the quick, & decipher every small 
Fol. 580.  artery or vain of them so naturally, as no Anotomiser could do better: whose skill was the more, for that he was acquainted with the best witted, gentillest spirited, and most of judgement in all Rome. This Pasquin to show in one word, what the whole Etymology of the Pope's virtue and name did signify, feigned to die in despair, of an unkindness, that one had slandered him. Why (quoth his friend) have they called th●● Thief, murderer, or poisoner? he answered no, but they have termed me much worse: have they called thee a robber of Churches, a killer of thy Parents, a Bouggerer, or an Atheist? Alas no said Pasquin, they have touched my credit with a worse report than all this. His friend grieving to see him in that woeful case, divined at all the greatest and most infamous names that could be devised, he still affirming it was worse, and so bad, that I know you can never guess at it: Why then said his friend, I pray thee show me what it is, that hath brought thee into this despair? In the end Pasquin delivering a deep sigh, answered: alas & twice alas, they have called me Pope: confirming the sayings of Pope Leo the. 10. before mentioned.  
For the same Pope, reproved by certain of his Cardinals 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 457.  for his evil government, and hateful life to all men, (as one that was wonderfully changed, after he became Pope) answered: if I be evil given now, it is you that are in the fault, for it is yourselves that have made me as I am. They wondering at these words, desired to know how that might be: Because (quoth he) you have made in Pope, and I have in my own person by proof tried it, that it is unpossible to be Pope and a good Christian together, and to dwell both in one skin: which is easy to be believed by the course of their whole lives, who would profane (as well by their works as their words) those things they accounted most holy.  
As Pope julie the. 12. who did cast into Tiber the keys of Saint Peter, and took in hand the sword of Saint Paul, 
Fol. 586.  justifying that the keys in regard of the sword was of no value or force, to maintain his wars with. According to these verses following.  
Quum tibi non aetas habilis sit Caraphe bello,  
Et castris habeas cognita claeustra magis:  
Quum decet miles bellique pecunia neruus,  
Quis te praecipitem, cogit ad arma furor?  
Infirmis humeris damnata quid induis arma?  
Quae tibi quum libeat ponere, non liceat.  
Cur respirantem & curantem vulnera mundum  
Concutis, & Martem solus ad arma eyes?  
Da miseris requiem, & spacium concede malorum  
Si nobis Pater es si tua cura sumus?  
Conde Senex Gladium, & Christi reminiscere verbi:  
Quod dixit Petro, dixit & ille tibi.  
RESPONSIO.  
Quod dixit Petro Christus, nolim esse putetis  
Dictum (pontificum pace Petri) mihi.  
Nam neque sum Petri successor, nec quoque talem  
Agnoscit bona pars Christicolarum hody  
Pauli ego (successu caeptis meliore deinceps,  
Dij faveant) sumpsinomen & arma simul.  
Et Christi verbi memor intrepidusque minister  
Non veni pacem mittere, sed gladium.  
What greater mockery could there be, or rather damnable blasphemy (to their own profession) than the same that Gregory the. 7 (first named Hildebrand) did: for he, because his Altar God (called the Sacrament) would not answer to the he demanded, he cast him into the fire in the presence of 
Apo. Ste. Fol. 587.  a number of his Cardinals, and in great despite said, there was no substance in him, that could not do as much as Apollo the God of Infidels, who answered every man by Oracle.  
This your Pope and visible God on earth (to obtain the Papacy) gave himself, his soul, and all to the Devil, which appeared by his skill in conjuring, witchcraft, and sorcery.  
If the Pope, with all his company of gross creatures, had believed any heavenly virtue to have been in that mystery, where unto they made all the world (with bowed knees) to do godly reverence, and to believe it was God in deed upon their damnation, how could they have been so full of impiety to profane it as they did.  
For a Priest of Lorraine holding in his hand a great box of these Wafer cakes, not yet consecrated: shaking them together, said, ho you pretty knaves and false harlots which of you shall be a God to day?  
From Lorraine I must come to Provence, where a Priest at the elevation, did hold the feet of his God upward & the head downward, & being asked the cause, why he did so? answered: for that I would not have his breeches fall about his heels. Confirming the report of a Sacrificer in Savoy, who vaunted in his mirth, that they used their God, as the Cat useth the Mouse, for when they have sported and played at their pleasure with him, they devour him.  
A Gascoine named Gotrene, saying Mass, & seeing his gossip (who then served the turn) very slow to answer Amen, he said, say Amen in the name of the Devil, to whom he answered Amen in the devils name: adding more, the Canker consume you gossip, for if you had not spoken so hastily I had taken a Mouse: which you must suppose came either to hear Mass, to be canonised, or to seek his pray, as at Lodove in Gascoine a Mouse came upon the Altar, whilst the Priest slept in his Memento, & stale a piece of his God from him, for the which he was canonised, & called Saint Mouse.  
another Curate being in the best part of his Mass (when his Altar God was aloft) spying a boy climbing his Therrie tree, he cried aloud, come down in the devils name, come down, his Parishioners supposing he had spoken to him between his hands.  
Whereunto I must add this short remembrance of a 
Fo. 593.  Curate of the City of Aubnias in Vivieres, who saying his high Mass in a Church which was not well covered, by reason whereof the wind blew away his Wafer God from him, the Priest being badly sighted, sought him about the Altar, and patting with his hands to feel him, said, where the Devil art thou become, or whether the Devil art thou gone? Which argued there was some affinity, or else some great league of amity between the Devil and their Idol. And yet here resteth a question: for if they had been of such friendship, how durst every Priest at his pleasure, to have threatened him with the Devil? As for example, A common mate having a good mind to beat a Priest in Lorraine, the first time he met him, he was going with his Wafer God a visitation. Well (said this companion) and it were not for reverence I own to that in your hands, I would conjure you. The Priest standing in terms of his valour, answered, I am ready when thou darest, and therefore forbear me not for him, for behold my God is on the ground (which in deed he had set down to be judge between them) and I give him to the Devil, if he take part either with the one, or with the other. By which threats it should appear he stood in awe of the Devil.  
There was also a Vicar of a village called Felniag (beside Bonne in Savoy) to whom his Parishioners came and requested him to cease a storm, for that he had oft vaunted he could calm the worst weather that might be: and therefore to approve his credit, he first used certain conjurations, which he had by heart: then he brought forth his Portas, and his Mass Book, wherein he did read the most cursed sentences he could find, himself being in the mean while under a tree, which kept him from the force of the storm. In the end, when he saw none of those charms would serve, he fet forth his holy Sacrament, whereunto he used these speeches: Courdi, se te ne ple fort, que le Diablo, ze te zetera de guen placo: that is, By the heart of God, if thou be not stronger than the Devil, I will cast thee into the dirt.  
What horrible blasphemy was this of a Priest, and in despite of that, which they all seemed (with divine reverence) so much to honour?  
These examples (in my opinion) are more than sufficient, to prove that the same which our Papists call thei● holy mother Church, did not hid their wickedness to our predecessors, but so manifested it by their daily doings, that those which were not willingly deaf or blind, must needs both hear and see them: showing withal, how they did specially profane that which they held for a true, sound & holy religion. Notwithstanding where one found fault at their false doctrine, a thousand were offended at their wicked living, for the whole world complained of their ordinary crimes, being nothing to the they otherwise most hatefully committed against the Majesty of God, in their daily blaspheming him in the horrible abuse of his holy word.  
For the disordinate and cursed lives that they continued and kept in the Court of Rome, was such, so hateful & abominable, that Petrarch spoke of it both in his Italian & Latin Epistles: affirming that Christ was banished from thence, & Antichrist received, & made camp master among them: and that under the banner of Christ they made wars with Christ: for the Pharaseis (saith he) did never so much villainy to him as those daily do: showing by their words and works, that they hold the assured hope of eternal life, for a fable: for he that was the man of most mischief among them, had for honour and praise the highest & chiefest place. And touching their covetous catching and gathering of gold, it was so unsatiate, as they set to sale their own souls: and made vendible Merchandise of the Church of all the Saints of heaven and of Christ himself. According to the saying of Pope Leo the. 10. whose confessor in the time of death, persuading him to fear nothing, considering that he had the keys of Paradise, & the managing of all the merits of Christ & of the Saints, at his pleasure: he answered, you know that he which once selleth any thing, is no more master of it: and I that have sold Paradise & all the rest, how shall I acceunt to have any part or portion in them? Approving the sum & substance of these verses following, which showeth their monstrous impudency, joined with most abominable impiety: and were graven with Gothical letters in a table of stone, which not long since did hang in the Church of S. Steuens in Burgis, at a pillar hard by the Altar where the Cardinal was wont to say his solemn Mass.  

Hic des devotè, coelestibus associote.  
Mentes aegrotae, per munera sunt ibi lotae.  
Ergo venitote, gentes à sorde remotae.  
Qui datis, estote, certi de divite dote.  
Te precor, accelera, sparg as hic dum potes aera.  
Et sic revera, secure coelica spera.   

O si●u scires, quantum dataprosit ibires,  
Tu juxta vires, donares quod dare quires.  
Te miser à poena, dum tempus habes, aliena.  
Huc dare te pena, veniae sit aperta crumena.  
Censors coelestis fabricae quiporrigit estis.  
Ex hoc sum testis, hic vos mundare potestis.   

Fratres haurite de trunco pocula vitae:  
Hic aliquid sinite, veri velut Israelitae.  
Crede mihi, crede, coeli dominaberis aede.  
Nam pro mercede Christo dices, mihi cede.   

Hic datur exponi Paradisus venditioni.  
Currant ergo boni, rapientis culmina throni.  
Vis retinere forum? mihi tradas pauca bonorum.  
Pro summa quorum, reserabitur aula polorum.   

Hic si largè des, in coelo sit tua sedes:  
Qui seret hic parcè, parcè comprendit in arce.  
Cur tardas tantum? nummi mihi des aliquantum.  
Pro solo nummo, gaudebis in aethere summo.   

Denos sum quater, unum semel, haec sacra matter.  
Annos condonat, sanctus pater ista coronat.  
Tot quadragenas, dat & abluit hic tibi penas  
mill missis decies socius, si des, ibi fies.   
These verses, for that they be in Latin rhyme, I cannot frame any good grace to them in English: but the effect & substance consisteth: in that, who so ever did offer or give to their wooden image, should go into Paradise: and the more they gave the better place should be prepared for than: and those the gave nothing should be assured never to come there. For Hic datur exponi Paradisus vendi●ioni, is as much to say, as here is Heaven or Paradise to be sold. But to the end the unlearned Reader shall not lose the knowledge of so good a market, (the sum of all consisting in these two verses)  
Crede mihi, crede, coeli dominaberis aede:  
Nam pro mercede Christo dices, mihi cede.  
I have translated them as near as I can to the true sense word for word.  Believe me, believe me, thou shalt for money govern heaven, And in recompense of that thou givest, thou shalt command Christ to give thee place. 
See here the fair less●n these schoolmasters of perdition would learn us, according to the sayings of Plutarch, that if judas came to Rome with his. 30. Pence (the price of our saviours blood) he should be received and Christ rejected, affirming further, that truth could have no credit or countenance there, where the air, the earth, the temples, yea their Palaces, houses and buildings, was full of treason, urther, falsehood, blaspheming, and lying.  
Now our romish Catholics (whose conversion to Christ in heart I crave) that so much desire by wilful ignorance to suppress God and his glory, and to advance the Pope and his Prelacy, and would have these Tragical parts (beautified with gluttony, adorned with lechery, & de●ked with all sin and iniquity) to triumph upon our English Stage, before the play begin, consider the infamous falsehood, & the traitorous trumpery, that those of the Church of Rome do hold you in: and gather into your memory, the sum & effect of these examples, which I have rudely and disorderly dispersed in this book, to the better understanding of the simplest sort of you: and look into the infinite number, that sundry others (most learned Authors to your behoof) have collected and published: where you shall see (if God have not utterly sealed up the eyes of your judgement) the manifest abuses of that Romish beast, how he seeketh your deaths in the error of your lives, and would have you devour yourselves, in the wicked works of your hands.  
For is it not a marvelous folly, & a quintessence of blasphemy, to honour flesh and blood, a man, a sinful creature, one that stands with us all under the sentence and curse of God (if it were not for the merciful redemption of our Saviour jesus Christ) with that divine reverence, that his heavenly Majesty hath reserved only for himself? And to believe that so base a person sometime proceeding from poor parentage, that after he be once a Pope, (which consisteth only in man's election) to be strait a God? Further, to believe that he hath the keys in his hands of heaven and of hell: how he can place and displace in either at his pleasure: and that for money he can sell both to those that will buy them of himself or of his Ministers? What weakness can be more, than to believe, that it is less sin to kill a man, than to eat flesh on a Friday or on a fasting day, or to break any of the least commandments of this earthly God: If you also (in the bowels of your conscience) consider the substance of your Mass Sacrifice, and the great abuse that is hidden under the pretext of that Popish devise: you cannot deny, but that you have (from the beginning) been covered with the cloud of iniquity: for how hath the whole world been strangely bewitched (the most part yet continuing so) to believe that there was a Purgatory, from whence no souls could be purchased or chased but by the battery and blows of their masking Masses: and to build their salvation on the sentence of an ignorant Idiot: that after he had pronounced certain Sacramental words over many Cak●s of one mark, to make so many Gods of them, which should (in deed) be holden the more suspected, for that both the flesh and blood of them, if any were, have been instruments of poison: The blood to William Archbishop of York, in the time of Pope Anastasius the fourth: and the flesh to the Emperor Henry the seventh, by a jacobin named bernard of Mount Politaine, one of the faction of the Guelphis? But I have too long dwelled in these Tragical discourses, and therefore I will no more remember them: trusting that I have to your good contentment, performed (in some part) my first promise for examples.  
Yet to the end you shall not object (without reply) that I fetch my authorities from far, and set the honour of other countries to common sale of slander, as one that mayltaine on foreign nations what he list: I will openly confess that more than abominable abuses (remain in record) committed by our foregone holy fathers of the same mark here in England. For at their first visitation of the Monasteries, Covents, Churches, Colleges, and other professed places of this Realm, their villainies, whoredoms, advouteries, incest, buggeries and murders, were found so manifest, as they noted infinite numbers by name, which were convicted in all the sins that may be named. And seeing the same is already extant in print, I leave the particularities to the search of those, that desire to know every one in his colours.  
At their suppression (which surely was Gods secret judgement upon them) they were accounted four hundred Eovents, of sundry sorts of monks and Nuns, besides the Friar beggars, near in number to two hundred houses, whose lewd, lubberly, lecherous and lazy lives, was so hated and abhorred (of the better sort of men) as he withheld his holy and heavenly word from us, until Henry the eight (of sacred memory) did put his hands to God's plough, and stubbed up all those rabblement of most filthy and styncking weeds, pretending truly to have proceeded, and to have tilled it with good corn: but he in whose judgement refresh the foresight of all things, who knoweth the end before the beginning, prevented his princely purpose, in no worse sort, than as his mighty Majesty dearly loved his servant David, yet reierued the building of his holy Sanctuary, to his son Solomon: even so, our godly late king Edward, (seeing the worthiness of his Father's work and having so happy a way prepared) entered on Christ's husbandry: where finding the weather fair and seasonable to sow, be slacked no time (by his heavenly hinds) to put God's word into the ground of all true english hearts. But, before the same could grow to his perfect ripenesss, the appointed time of our continual comfort by our saviour not yet come, or our unthankful sin, or both, caused that careful husband, to be taken from us: whereby both Cockle and Darnel, with all other sorts of sour weeds, so overlayed the corn, as the thousandth grain come to no profit. The field of this flourishing realm (enclosed with the pale of safety) was made common and cast open: wherinto entered droves of devouring beasts, consuming all before them, & whole herds of unringed swine: who digged deep to turn up the roots of our conscience, by altering our earthly bodies into a fiery Element.  
Then the Bulls of Basan over ran us all, Rome triumphed upon our English Stage, and who but the Pope and his Prelacy? what graving, what cutting, what carving, and what gil●ing was there of Images? where no cost was too much, to welcome this Antichrist.  
The poor Gascoigne might then have had entertainment, who hearing a Monk in his Country preach, that when 
Apo Ste. Fol.  Antichrist came he would bring infinite treasure with him, and to win the hearts of the worldlings, he would so we gold and silver every where, which bountiful speeches, made the water flow so freely to the Gascoignes mouth one of his auditors, as he cried, Ediu quan biera ed a quet bon Segno ●● Antichrist. O God, when will that good gentleman Antichrist come?  
Thus this Idol had once more (with his gloze of golden show) the principal place among us: whose worldly whelps crept out of every corner, and like Adders that had long line hissing in the holes of dunghills, came ●●●tining abroad: And who but Master person and his Portas? for the constant were crucified, the simple and weak bewitched, God in a strange language mocked, and the light of English prayer (the pathway of the ignorant) clean extinguished.  
But Christ in his mercy, beholding our sundry mournful minds, who (in patience) continued all perserution and punishments, and having a special regard to the place, of his elect, as Saint Austin long since prophesied of us, when he saw certain children to be sold in Rome, ask of what Country they were, was answered of England, he said Bene dicuntur Angli, quia nitent ut Angeli, in quo regno evangelium deiflorebit. So his heavenly Majesty looking into our obedient misery (for his own sake) did cut off the cause of our calamities, and called our Serenissima, our most sacred sovereign into her right, to revenge his wrongs, and to redress our general afflictions. Now you graceless Papists, that have been an eye witness to all these wretched woes, among your brethren and Countrymen, what true reply can you make to these heaps of enormities? If my learning and condition, were Divinely, as my profession and arguments be Naturally (the chief Rules and precepts you covet to be persuaded by) I doubt not but I would (in pardon of my far betters) so deliver you your own ignorance: as either you should yield to your errors, or stand mute to defend them: yet as I am (the more to your shame, that Martial minds can show you, on which foot you halt, as finely as you seem to tredde) I must show you that you will not see how God performs in her Princely parson, the same he denied to her predecessors.  
She hath réedifyed the walls of jerusalem, and raised his holy temple to the highest: not she, but God in her government, hath made a brazen wall about you: her early rising and late watching (I mean in the Image of her honourable instruments) preserves you, keeps you, defends and protects you from all peril, you need not languish in uncertainty of life, as other nations do: your house is your Castle, your Beds your Bulwarks, your goods your glory, your wives your worship and comfort, your daughters not ravished, and yourselves not slaved at the tyrannous pleasure of strangers: all these blessed gifts you forget, & seek by secret sedition a hateful innovation among us.  
Wisdom willeth you to look into your own safety, and reason showeth you no rule surer, than to dwell in duty: 
The Lords of her majesties Counsel.  by the one you are taught foresight, by the other obedience: which considered, kept, and followed, you may triumph among good subjects. To love God sincerely, & your Prince faithfully, is the assured protection both of body and soul: then if you offend the first, how can you justly say you favour the last? when you know her Majesty only seeketh to set forth his glory, do you desire the days of the Pope's victory (a common calamity to your Country) which cannot be, but by the overthrow of our sovereign? doth private malice by the provoking of Satan so possess you, as you are contented to commit all to hazard? Will you willingly lose one eye (and doubtful in the end to keep the sight of that) to have your Country made blind? Do you thirst for her death, whose life hath been and is a safety to us all? you will deny it, and yet your practices approve it. What hope is to be had of you, when neither her majesties goodness, nor your own danger can drive you from your devices? They are daily discovered, and no sooner pardoned, but a new mischief is a managing. Her great clemency hitherto, must sharpen her sword of justice to correct you: You brag there is no law to touch your lives, and that maketh you so bold and venturous as you are. You consider not, that the soul is more precious than the body: And what is not in prescription against you, by the Prince's favourable proceedings, may be your destruction, by the secret judgement of God. But if it were offered you, you would say with Menot: Can we be more assured of salvation than Saint Paul was, who was chosen by Christ, and rapt up into the third Heaven: and that he said, I desire to be delivered, and to be with Christ: yet when there was a question of his death, and that he should die, he appealed to Caesar: So I doubt not if death were offered you, you would appeal to the Pope. Or if any such desperate humour should possess you (as God forbidden) I trust you would send his Holiness the same commendation the Italian did to the French King, being ●laine in his wars, who utterly forgetting God, commended both his body and soul to the King, saying, he had lost a good servant of him. But to free you from any such frenzy, and the better to perceive your true duty: In Christian Charity look into this that followeth, where you shall see your own shame, which may with speedy repentance mollify your Pharaos' heart, & make you reclaim yourselves from your dangerous obstinacy. Consider the state of our queens most royal Majesty at the first (a mirror within your own memory) place the paths of her Pilgrimage hitherto, and accompany with discretion her famous acts and years by degrees, beginning at the time when her Princely person was in most hazard of persecution: and you shall find how she hath been preserved, kept, continued, called, and restored: more by a heavenvly providence, than by any man's foresight, a or worldly diligence.  
Who was her Bulwark, when (like a Lamb among Wolves) she was wrongfully suspected, falsely accused, innocently committed, and the hour of her slaughter most tyrannously appointed? did they not seek by all secret sort to have bereaved her blessed life from us? But she (most nobly) dwelling in tears, as well for the pitiful persecution of others, as for her own imminent peril, appealed with heart and mind to him, in whose heavenly hands rested the redress of all. She wofullye wept with Hester for her people, in whom she knew she had some interest. She bewailed with jonas in the depth of the waves, and in the forrowe of her soul mourned for our distress. Was it the might of man, or the providence of God, that (in the midst of all these miseries) delivered her from devouring? Was it worldly policy, or the foreknowledge of his heavenly Majesty, that wrought so mightily for her? Yourselves can witness, how she was freed from the Lion's den like Daniel, called like David to kill Golias, and placed in salomon's seat, to restore the living child to his true mother. After her sacred Majesty received judiths' sword, to take the head from your Romish Holofernes, if you decipher all her doings in true order as they are, and make question of every point and part of her proceedings, the worst minded among you (though he would set aside all duty) cannot deny, but that her gracious government, even to this hour, hath been miraculous.  
When she first entered the stage of her triumph, did she not find every corner of this realm infected? some smoked, 
1558. 17. novem. ●●eare.  some scorched, and some smothered, with burning of poor Martyrs? were not all your martyred men and holy Fathers (with most of the better sort) imbrued with the blood of innocents? did not sundry of honest life and good credit (in sorrow of heart) abandon their Country? was any subject in safety, when some were privily pined, some secretly strangled, and no torment (openly) left unexecuted, the glory of God defaced, Christ (in his chosen) continually crucified, his word utterly banished, & the Pope's trash made the best ware among us?  
In am of all these calamities, liberty for bondage, faynnesse for fear, solace for sorrow, life for death, and mercy for tyranny, entered with her. And where she found the holy Sanctuary with sin and pride polluted, served with blasphemy, decked with Idolatry, & adorned with all kind of Hypocrisy: she began her at the Church, and joining her manly judgement to her maydenlye mercy, (aided by the highest) so purely purged it from all degrees of superstition, and that without persecution, blood, fire, or any other force, as some of yourselves, than seemed greatly to rejoice at it. Was not this a joyful change, to be brought from the bondage of Satan, to the liberty of the Gospel? from the fear of Hell, to the faynnesse of Heaven? from the sorrow of our minds, to the solace of our souls? from the death of the sword, to the life of God's word? & from the tyranny of the Pope, to the mercy of her Majesty?  
And such as dwelled in their obstinate error (confirming that 
Apo. Ste Fo. 355.  constancy of Cardinal Andreas to his holy Vicar) who being in the terms of death, and persuaded by his confessor, to honour one only God, answered I do so, but that is the Pope, for seeing he is our God on earth, and that it is an absolute commandment for me to honour but one, I will rather worship him that is visible, than he that is invisible: his confessor replied that the Pope was neither God nor Christ, although the world held him for his Vicar: how so said the Cardinal? if you account the Pope to be only Christ's Vicar, it must then follow that Christ should be greater than the Pope, and that cannot be: for if God come visibly to Rome, the Pope will not know him, nor receive him, before he have humbled himself unto him, and kissed his Pantophel.  
According to the Sermon of a reverend Father 
Apo. Ste Fo. 355.  at Toures, who in a bravery said, these villain Protestauntes, do utterly reject the Pope, and would have us to hold only on jesus Christ: but for my part, I assure you, if they were both here present to command: it is the Pope above all that I would obey. Even so, those headstrong Papists, who continued in the like damnable determinations, and could not by mild admonition be removed from their wilful errors, were (to the hoped time of a more grace) only committed, and not by rigour of death hatefully murdered.  
Consider the due course of all, how it was begun, confirmed, proceeded, and how it is continued (your secret conspiracies, and open treasons, practising to pull it down) you can not otherwise truly say, but that God is the supporter and protector of the one, and the discoverer and overthrower of the other.  
Thus the glory of the almighty established, all offences pardoned, private malice reconciled, and a general unity confirmed: to show her motherly care over us, to heap all her blessings upon us, and to manifest the message of him that sent her, which is most laudable peace: she established a common concord between France and this our Country 
1559.  her Realm of England, to the unspeakable joy and comfort of all her loving subjects.  
Since which time, what Strange stratagems, what Martial mischiefs, and what unnatural parts have been practised, almost within your own view? with what mournful Massacres, with what pitiful persecutions, hath all our ears been daily filled? no news but brought his bloody report: for fire, famine, and slaughter, was the continual occurrences of every foreign Packet. The remembrance whereof might suffice to sink your Souls in sorrow, to see so many of Christ's congregation cut in pieces. If it, were cause to procure a trembling fear to any Christian heart that only heard it in what condition of cruelty (suppose you) did those innocents dwell, that endured the terrible execution of it.  
Oh lamentable state, who preserved you, who protected you, who defended you, and who hath hitherto covered you from all these calamities, but God and our Queen? She is still in Vtrumque paratus: her foresight, pierceth into all perils, she makes you hearers, and not féelers of these afflictions: she hath set you upon a sure Rock, to be seers and not sufferers of these barbarous broils: and you forgetting all these good parts in her Princely person, misusing her mercy, and contemning your own safety, seek to fall with Satan, to be his children of perdition, and to become Butcherly instruments to your brethren and Country. You deny to be of Cain's kindred, and yet persist in the persecutition of Abel, hath not that triple Crowned monster, (to whose devotion you are vowed) set this Royal Realm, to the common sale or rather sacking, of any tyrant that dare intrude upon us? Is it not a manifest sign of suspicion, and a plain argument of pretexed Treason (and therefore a warning to all faithful subjects that love our Sovereign, to hold you in jealousy) seeing your are under an oath to suppress her religion? how can you then be true to her Majesty unless you be false to your Master? But it may be you are of the poor woman's opinion of Perigourde, that offered one Candle to S. Michael, to the end he should do her good, and an other to the Devil, to the end he should do her no harm. So you seem to be Christians that the Queen may favour you, and you honour the Pope that his curses may not hurt you: for otherwise (I fear) there is no trust at all to be had in your duty.  
How much you dishonour God, break his commandments, and blaspheme the blessed Trinity (by your wilful dissembling with him, who seeth the secrets of all hearts) your consciences do accuse you, your deeds detect you, and your words do witness and bewray (so far as you dare utter) the sum of that you seek. Is it not her majesties person, and (this shovel full of earth as it hath pleased them to term it) her Realm of England, that they have vowed to correct and root up? Is not the sentence of their cruelty concluded and pronounced aswell upon you as against us? how can you then shun their sharp tyranny, but taste the edge of the sword with us, if their Romish pretences should prevail? but I doubt you would for a shift say, Non novi hominem, and deny both Prince and profession. Be it that the same would serve for a vizard on the sudden to mask your Hypocrisy: in the end you should be accounted traitors, & with the hateful horror of your conscience be accompanied with all cursed calamities to your grave.  
The most eloquent Cicero after he had discovered the secret conspiracies of Catelin, before the body of the Senate and in open counsel, to his face delivered him the devices & drifts of all his treasons, approving his housed practices to tend to encamp robberies, to the murdering of the nobility, & to the burning of their City, and showing how his confederates attended his coming. What cause could procure swifter justice? they knew it they had him in hand, & yet then (in Princely policy) they willed him to departed the City: supposing it more peril to have him among them, than in the field with displayed banner against them. Catelin a Pagan, provoked by poverty, kindled by private grudge, and heaved up by an Ethnic hope, to better his wretched state, as a desperate man conspired against men: But you Christians, pressed with no penury, wallowing in wealth, freed from all cause of contention, sitting in safety, & dwelling in that happy condition as no age did ever so flourish nor any of your innovation can continue the like for all degrees, conspire against God, against your loving & most favourable Queen, & against the foil & seat that first gave you ●ire and fustenance, which surely so long as you continue under the servitude & yoke of Papistry, is a most true principle of your pretence.  
Therefore (in the bowels of our Saviour jesus Christ) I humbly desire you, as brethren by one Father, servants to one Mistress, and children of one mould, to search the Scriptures, to look into the mercy of his heavenly Majesty, to remember her Grace's sweet and reclaiming countenance to you all, and in pity to behold your most dear mother, on whose knees you have been dandled, & at whose 
England.  breast you have been nourished even from your birth.  
But if you be minded to persist in your perverse opinions, and that no milk or meat can please your pallets, unless it come from Rome: if you cannot abide the blessed light of her majesties life: if you cannot endure the heavenly countenance of her joyful regard: or if you account her Princely Person to be the eye sore to your sorrow: I say with Cicero to Catelin, fly to your Pope, leave both Court & Country, and shun the light of the Sun, that so much doth dazzle your sight, and let good subjects enjoy the benefit of that you are so much unworthy of. Your own experience showeth that no practise will prevail to harm one hair of her head whom next God you hate most: for the Lord of hosts doth keep her, he hath set legions of Angels about her, they hover over her, they march with her, they go before her, and guard her from all treasons: they make known your ways, they deliver her your drifts, and they discover your very thoughts unto her. This you assuredly see, that the whole course of her majesties life is miraculous: and yet your Pharaoh like wilfulness will not observe any part of it. When you have turned the hour Glass of your own errors, you shall find how many sands of sorrow doth run in mischief to the last minute. But God of his mercy make you to know him, to love our gracious Queen, and in the duty of true subjects to honour her and obey her, and to give her a Mathusalems' age to govern us. Amen.  
FINIS.