THE FRIAR'S CHRONICLE: OR, THE TRUE LEGEND OF PRIESTS AND MONKS LIVES.  
Sua cuique, mihi mea.  
LONDON, Printed for john Budge: and are to be sold at his Shop in Paul's Churchyard, at the Sign of the Green Dragon. 1623.   


TUm puppe è media magno clamore Sacerdos:  
Parcite pollutis contingere vincula palmis,  
Et procul hinc moneo, procul hinc quaecunque prophanae  
Ferte gradus, nec vos casto miscete labori,  
Dum satis est movisse deae: quod si qua pudica  
Mente valet, si qua illae si sibi corporis adstat,  
Constat, vel sola subeat pia munera dextra.   
Silius Italic. lib. 17. Bell. Punicum.   

TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE Countess of DEVONSHIRE, with all her other well-deserving VERTVES.  
Right Honourable,  
ALthough such Ladies as yourself, are either compared to rich Caskets, containing within them more richer jewels, or resembled to precious Diamonds, made the more glorious by enameling, and the cunning of the workman: yet, I protest, being an eyewitness of your constant resort unto wisdom's Feast; and apprehensive, that you love Religion merely for God's love: that alone hath incited me to select you the Patroness of this Discourse, whereby, I make no doubt, you shall not only run with Zacheus to the top of a Figtree to behold JESUS: but be glad in your very soul, that your footsteps are fixed in the way of salvation, and that you are now going on in the path, that will conduct you to new jerusalem.  
The Work itself is the Discovery of the unswept corners of Popish Monasteries: The Instrument wherewith it is done, though it be not the Prophet's Lantern and Candle to search the great City: yet it is the opening of a Book, wherein you may read such loathsome particulars against Papistry, that in your friend's behalf, you will do, as we were wont to do in England, even spit at the naming of the Devil: and in your own, lift up your hands to Heaven with thanksgiving, that God hath blessed you with a better knowledge.  
The Author, is I confess, no Divine, but a penitent sinner, and one that would fain strive to be a doorkeeper in the House of GOD, who hath taken this mercy upon him, to welcome him home with better acates, then to feed with the Hogs at the troughs: My name you shall sure find at the last, which if it carry an unpleasant accent, oh be thus honourable, to admit of one good quality, as the mirror of his time Sir Philip Sidney was wont to say. For a great many have none, and no man hath all.  
Your Honours humbly devoted,  
T. G.   

THE FRIAR'S CHRONICLE: OR, THE TRUE LEGEND OF PRIESTS AND MONKS LIVES.  
I Make no question, but that true and well written Discourse of the Anatomy of the English Nunnery at Lisbon in Portugal, hath not only had a gracious acceptation with you, but wrought upon your judgements and understanding, as far as the abhorring their impieties, and lamenting the seduction of silly Ignorants, who, I dare affirm, being brought out into the sunny splendour of Truth and Discovery, would either wonder, where and how they have been so long detained in darkness, or make sport at such ridiculous absurdities, as they have been befooled withal.  
But because there remains much more to be spoken out of other Relations, and undeniable Verity, to make the pride of Babel loathsome to true Christian souls, and the impieties of that Man of sin abhorred of all judicious and understanding men: I have here under-taken further searches for the good of all truehearted Protestants indeed. And although I have no such portion allotted, as with the Prophet's Lantern and Candle to search the unswept corners of jerusalem; or with Christ's rod of cords to whip the buyers and sellers out of the Temple: yet I hope I shall have strength enough to wrestle down the Strumpet, and lay her flat on her back to the hissing of the passengers.  
For all the painting of jezabel, and adorning of her head to seem more majestical to jehu: she was yet at the last thrown out of the window, and dashed against the ground: so shall Babylon that great City beserued, in the end she shall be set on fire, and the Merchants of the earth shall howl at her desolation, amazed afar off at her falling to rubbish, and beholding her smoke to ascend, like the smoke of a furnace: wherein that you may see the reason of God's indignation, and whereby you may entertain certain motives for your own conversion, or establishment; I have here taken upon me to discover, how the Popish Clergy left and forsook the pure waters of Siloa, to drink the puddled streams of Traditions and filthiness, scorned to quench their thirst, and buy milk and food without money, but would needs with Simon Magus pay dear for spiritual gifts: and in a word, denied to come to wisdom's Feast, because they would run a whoring after their own inventions, and feed their sensual carcases with the banquet and acates of their own desires, and devising.  
At first I determined no method, or division, supposing that the spreading of instances & examples would have afforded sufficient contentment to the Reader for the subject in hand, which is the detection of sundry foul abuses in Popery, or if you will, in the lives of Priests and Friars: but finding the stream to come down with a main current, and that the stopping or damning it up too close, would overflow the fields, and spoil much good ground. I thought it better to cut out certain rivulets, and passages, wherein the River might run between bounded Banks, and so the lookers on receive both pleasure and profit in the handsome keeping their channels. For which purpose if you run about the stream, you shall find out certain deceitful Nooks, Holes, Creeks, and dangerous Flats or Shelves. First, of lying Miracles: Secondly, cozening Devices. Thirdly, Whoredom. Fourthly, Epicurism. Fiftly, Thefts and Robberies. Sixtly, Murders. Seventhly, Blasphemies. Eighthly, gross Ignorance. Ninthly, Beastliness. Tenthly, Fooleries & Absurdities. Eleventh, Impieties: and 12. Simony. Of all which in order, or as orderly as I can, not that I place them in their seats of precedency, or tie them to any coherence of depending one upon another; but to show you with what palpable grossness they proceeded to overthrow True Religion, and justified themselves in the world, to countenance their wickedness, though they were never so foul delinquents.  
I leave to dispute of their Doctrines, Schoole-questions, fundamental Controversies, Church-Ceremonies, the Pope's Supremacy, and many other tedious disceptations, which have clogged us with heavy burdens, and filled Libraries with thousands of Volumes, and only at this time with Elias gather up my clothes for a cursory journey, and take my staff in my hand, to go the more speedier forward, and as I confess, I must pass over much ground unseen, and unmarked: So I beseech you (gentle Reader) censure me in the same manner, and excuse my not fully satisfying of you, by reason of the hastiness of my journey, and the small time I allot myself for the dispatch of my business: only herein I dare be confident, there is not a step I make, but I have warrant for my footing; nor Story I relate, but is extracted out of the books of their own Magazines, and Authority of their former Writers. And so I conclude this Preface with the Poet:  

Qui legis Oedipodem, caligantemque Thiestem, 
Martial. l. 13. Epigram.   
Calchidas & Scylla's, quid nisi monstra legis?  
Quid te vana iwant miserae ludibria Chartae?  
Hoc lege, quod possis dicere iure, meum est.   
Concerning their Miracles: If ever Iris was Thaumantis 
1. Lying Miracles.  Filia, the Daughter of Wonder: I will be bold to say, he that writ their Golden Legend, was the father of Lies; but because there are so many books, and so many Discoveries concerning their ridiculous Stories; insomuch that the Papists themselves have been ashamed of such palpable grossness, and ridiculous absurdity, I will insist the lesser on this point, and so leave you to the lives of their Saints, Costerus, Doctor Sheldon, the Story of Saint Patrick: the old Chronicle of Clayton, and many other Authors: yet some Collections will not be amiss; and so you shall have these few at this time.  
Dionysius Areopagita afterward canonised, took up his head, when it was struck off, and carried it two mile in his hand: he is recorded for a blessed Martyr, and many miracles done by him.  
Saint Dunstane playing the Goldsmith, as he was at work, took the Devil by the Nose with a pair of Pincers, and made him roar outright.  
Saint Bernard turned Oaken Leaves, into Loaves, by changing the Letter, and was wafted over the Sea upon a stone.  
One hundred and fifty of joseph of Arimatheas company sailed over a passage upon his son's Shirt; as Friar Herneus did upon his Mantle: and Saint Francis, between Naples and Messina upon a Cloak, having no money to pay the Ferry-boat.  
Saint Nicholas fasted Wednesdays and Fridays, when he was an infant in the Cradle, and would not suck.  
Saint Christopher pitched his Staff into the ground, and it budded: at the sight whereof, 8000. Pagans became Christians.  
Bishop Trian having killed his Cow and his Calf to entertain Saint Patrick, was so pleasing to the Holy Man, that he restored them again, and so they were found the next day feeding in the Meadow.  
A certain Thief having stolen a sheep from a poor man, which he not only denied, but threatened his Accuser for slandering him, was made to confess the theft: For S. Patrick pitying the other, caused the sheep to bleat in the Thief's belly.  
Saint Brivius being but a Boy, saw the Devil behind the Altar, writing the people's faults in Parchment, and when by reason of the multitude of sins committed, he wanted Parchment, he stretched it out with his teeth, till pulling too hard, he knocked his head against the wall: Which when Saint Martin perceived, he came to him, and made him blot out whatsoever he had written.  
The King's Daughter of Silena loved Saint George so well, that for his sake she cast her Girdle about the Dragon's neck, and led him about like a Spaniel: but afterward she broke loose, and Saint George was compelled to kill her.  
Saint George being cast into a Cauldron of boiling Lead, by making the sign of the Cross, escaped un. hurt, etc.  
Saint Crispina spoke when her tongue was cut out.  
Saint Margaret was devoured of a Dragon, and swallowed up, but remembering herself, she made the sign of the Cross, and the Dragon burst in pieces, and so she was delivered.  
Two Nuns sat talking from Christmas Eve to Midsummer, with a child sitting on a Cushion between them, in a corner of the Cloister, till a Shepherd coming by, saw the child, and told the Abbess, who had searched long for these Sisters: but at last finding them, she asked for the child: they denied they saw any: but that they were talking of the Nativity of Christ. Then the Lady told them how long they had sat, when they verily thought it had been but one day, which was Christmas.  
A Taper on Saint Xaviers tomb burnt full three week's day and night without consuming: For at first it was but a cubit long, and so continued all the while.  
Saint Katherine overcame fifty Philosophers, and converted the Empress and the General of the Emperor's Army: yea, she broke a wheel with her prayers, that with turning killed four hundred Pagans: infinite impossibilities are written of her.  
Bernacus yoked Hearts together; and tamed many Monsters.  
Saint Brandon sailed into Paradise, and brought the blessed tidings of the joys thereof.  
A Crucifix of Wood resaluted Burtismen a Monk of Durrham.  
The blessed Virgin's house was transported over the Seas: first, into Dalmatia, then, into Italy, and last of all to Loretto.  
These are the lying Miracles of Popish Prelates, which I have recited, because they are not common, nor, as I take it, inserted in their Legend, but alleged by substantial Authors, to countenance the Religion: but for these, and the whole Catalogue of the rest in their notorious fables, you shall find, that one of the grievances of Germany, when the Emperor condescended to the reformation of Religion, was, that the Friars seduced them with lies, and wrought upon the weakness of ignorant men, and superstitious women.  
Concerning cozening devices; Are not yet men living, 
Cozening devices.  that can remember the knavery of Priests to make the Rood and Images of the Churches in England in the days of Queen Mary, to goggle with their eyes, and shake their hands: yea, with Wires to bend the whole body, and many times to speak as they do in Puppet plays, and all to get money, and deceive the ignorant people?  
Was not a Priest punished in the latter end of Henry the 8. for pricking his finger, and be-bleeding the Corporas, making the people believe the Host had done it, & that there was a very child seen in the singing cake?  
Were not all our tales of Fairies, Goblins, Robingoodfellow, walking Spirits, the knaveries of Pryers and Priests, who for belly-cheer, and wanton Wenches, came to houses by night, and swept the rooms, yea, gossiped with the crafty lascivious housewives?  
Is not the tale of Saint Bernard worth the reciting, that coming into a Church to perform his devotion, perceived how knavishly the Priests had dealt with the Image of our Lady, to bid him good morrow, Bernard? whereupon to exprobrate their folly, and crafty conveyance, he answered the Image in this sporting manner; Peace, Madam, it is not lawful for women to speak in the Church.  
At Strasborough a certain superstitious old Woman resorted much to our Lady with sufficient offertories: which when the Priests perceived, to countenance her Devotion, they caused the child to speak & thank her in our Lady's arms, which made the woman look strangely, and speak somewhat angrily. For she presently replied: Peace young Gentleman, I have nothing to do with you, let me hear what my good Lady your Mother says.  
A Tailor of Florence, worshipping Saint john in the Church of Saint Michael Barteldi, kneeling down, began in this manner, O glorious and blessed Saint john, tell me, I pray thee, whether my Wife have played false, and what shall become of my son. Which the Priests and Clerk hearing, lying in wait for such purposes, either to make sport, or to raise a further profit, made Saint john thus reply: My dear son, go in peace, and to morrow thou shalt receive an answer. The Tailor, I hope, missed not his hour, nor forgot his offertory: So he made his Petition, & the Image answered: Thy Wife hath made thee Cuckold, and thy son shall be hanged. At which the fellow was so amazed, that he went home enraged, and wanted little of desperately making away himself through the villainy of the Priests. This tale did Piero de Cosmo de medici, relate himself to diverse of his guests.  
A Priest of Louvain, called Anthony, having solemnly invited some merry companions to dinner, knew not yet which way to entertain them: For he had neither meat nor money: at last stepping into a neighbour's house, where he was very frequent, and finding the servant absent, he took the pot from the fire, and carried it home under his gown. Thus he not only supplied his wants, but pouring out the meat into some other dish, sent the pot handsomely made clean, as a pawn to the owner, and borrowed money of it, having a Bill of sale for the receipt. The good man in the mean while chase and fretting for the loss of his dinner, and theft of his pot, knew not what to say, till the Maid assured him, there was none there but Sir Anthony: he again loath to accuse so reverend a man, and indeed afraid of the danger, was more vexed then before, till the servant looking on the pawn, told him, it was his own pot: then out of all patience he accused the Priest before a Magistrate; but when Sir Anthony showed the Bill of sale, it was turned to a merriment, and so the theft was shuffled over.  
The jacobinas of Berne, and Franciscans of Orleans got most of their wealth by walking Spirits, and resorting by night to houses, as if Robin goodfellow had done the drudgery to ease the servants of their labour.  
Friar Reynald of Sienna, loving a man's Wife, and so resorting to the house, was overtaken on a sudden with the unlooked for coming home of her Husband, and had scarce time to leap out of the bed, and carry his clothes in his hand; the man knocking still, and the Wife making no great haste, some hurly-burly arose: whereupon, the woman lays the child in the Friar's place, and lets in her Husband, who angrily demanded, why she tarried so long? Oh, replied she, speaking so loud, the Friar might hear her, our son had like to have perished through a fit of the Colic, so that I was fain to send for Friar Reynald to pray for him, who bade me keep him warm in the bed, and is himself with his Sexton at his devotion in the Loft. With that, the Friar and his Companion came down with a book in his hand; and after solemn curtsy made, told the good man, the child had certain Worms in his Maw, and therefore he must make a Statuae of Wax of his bigness, and present it to Saint Ambrose.  
The Curate of Ouziane, near to Amboise, having long had the pleasure of his Hostess, and bred a great deal of jealousy in her Husband, thought by a crafty trick to remove that humour, pretending to be gelt: whereupon he agrees with one Peier de Serpens, borne at Villantroies in Berry, for four crowns to sport with him, and conceal the matter. Which when the Host understood, he promiseth him twice as much to perform the thing indeed. The Surgeon taking pity of the man, and despited at the Friar's knavery, bound him hand and foot, and while he looked the company should make Intercession for him, and so leave him to his former liberty, the other whipped off his Stones: telling him plainly, his profession was no dallying profession: and so the Host seemed quieted, as being thus revenged.  
A woman in Orleans being in love with a young Scholar, who yet was not acquainted with her, knew no better way to discover her affection, then by her Friar Confessor, desiring him to give him good counsel, not to tempt her, nor solicit her any more, especially not to come over the wall into her Orchard as he promised. The Friar overtaken with her simplicity, advised the young man for the best, and to divert his love from her. The young man again knowing there was no such matter, and yet apprehensive of a woman's wit, admitted of his good instruction, but instructed himself how he nowmight enjoy a Sweetheart: but when the Friar understood how he had been made a Bawd and Pander for the business, he thought to beat out one nail with another, and so very knavishly threatened the discovery, if he might not share in the bargain.  
It is reported of Oliver Mailard, that when he saw the wickedness and Villainy of Priests and Friars, he wondered, that the Saints interred in the Church, did not rise and pull out the eyes of the Whoremasters, and Deceivers.  
Pontanus saith, that there were certain Nunneries at Valencia, which by reason of the filthiness of Friars, who played the very Bawds and Panders to get money, became loathsome Stews, and entertained young Gentlemen, as in Brothel houses, but all under colour of devotion. When any of the Priest's knavery was discovered, there were excuses enough ready to descend them; yea, when they were found kissing of a woman; the answer was, You must suppose he did it to print a blessing on her lips.  
What should I name the great abuses of Induigences, and Pardons, and all for money? wherein there were many tricks, and counterfeit devices.  
Certain cheating Friars having pawned their Relics in a Tavern, and wanting money to redeem them, showed the people a firebrand, and made them believe it was part of the fire, which broiled Saint Laurence: whereupon according to the ignorance of those times, many gave them money, which they spent in all unthriftiness.  
A Lady sent to pleasure a young Cardinal, according to a certain composition between him and her Husband, seemed at first very coy, and for all the baseness of her Husband, would by no means consent to his pleasure, till at last, by forcible persuasions, fair entreaty, extraordinary promises, the handsomeness of his person, and the greatness of his estate, she condescended unto him, and seemed well pleased in the alteration: whereupon she returns to her Husband with the money, and told him plainly, she was bought and sold, and therefore would return, and forsake him for ever.  
And thus much of their cozening and devices: wherein I pray you take only this notice, that I mean to give you but a taste of every one of the divisions. For if I should set a Banquet before you, or a Feast to feed you, you would rather surfeit, then be satisfied; the dishes are so many wherewith I could furnish the Table, and of that variety, that you might rather glut and gorge yourselves, then content nature with a temperate diet. Again, whereas it may be objected, these were the times of old, there is now great reformation since these enormities were looked into: I answer plainly and directly; the same superstition remains at this hour, and the Priests do so prevail with cozening deceit, and far-fetched devices, that in Spain this present year 1622. the doctrine of the conception of our Lady without sin, and assumption into Heaven, is newly divulged and ratified, and the contrary opinion reputed Heresy, and the repugners hunted, and hissed at in every Town and City.  
3. Concerning their Whoredom; or if you will have the cleanlier term, Fornication; Who knows not, that there is a common allowance of Stews (more than a conveniency) under all the Catholic government, for which the women do allow an annual entrado into the Pope's Exchequer, or to the several States where they live?  
In the first Council of Toledo, in the reign of Arcadius and Honorius, it was agreed, that the Clergy living without Wives, should have Concubines.  
In the Patents of Abbots, in the Realm of England, this clause was inserted: Licitum erit Domino Abbati, semel in mense habere mulierem, ad purgandas renes; yea, in those days it was counted good policy to have a Wife, Daughter, or Niece, a companion of a Cardinal, or Bishop, to befriend the kindred in matters of complaint, or in trials of Law.  
A Gentlewoman taken in Adultery, and so divorced, desired for her penance to be detruded into a Monastery, alleging this reason to her inward friends, that in stead of punishment, she should be sure to have there the greater pleasure.  
When soldiers entered into any town to be lodged, or quartered, the first thing they did, was to hunt after Priests Lemons; and search every corner for their Whores. And thus much for the general: Now to particulars.  
A Franciscan Friar lodging in the house of a Gentleman of Perigot, found the means to lie with his Wife upon her Purification, as understanding by confession his resolution. So he entered the Chamber first, and when he had taken his pleasure, departed out of the house, excusing his haste to the Porter, by special business. After he was departed, comes the Gentleman indeed, and found by his Wife's speech, that some body had wronged him: which so amazed him, that he amazed her by saying, he was abused. She with tears assured him, that none was in the house but the Friar, and her Brother: which was no sooner spoken, but up he gets, and to the Porter he comes, and there understands, how the Friar was departed. After him he follows, but not overtaking him, he returns home again. In his absence, the Wife enraged to be so deflowered, hangs herself, and in the mischance overthrew a little child dead to the ground: the noise raised the house, and at last comes the brother, and finding his Sister hanged, supposing her Husband had done it, in some fit of jealousy, out of doors he flings, and meets him returning home; in which mood he sets upon him with Villain, and defiance; and so they wound one another to death.  
The Franciscans of Strasborough, before they were expelled, accustomed to steal away men's Wives, and keep them cloistered like young Novices, cutting their hair, and charming them with fear of death; till at last a Butcher's Wife was sent in the same habit with the Cater to buy meat of her Husband; who eyeing her very narrowly, as having seen the face before, could not be restrained, but laid hands upon her, and so after great ado, all was discovered, & the Friars banished.  
Two Franciscans having no money to pay the Ferry, ravished the Woman that carried them, and so pleased her.  
A Franciscan in Perigot found the mean, by obscuring himself in the bride-chamber, to lie with a Bride, before her Husband came to her, and escaped, for all that the household could do, when they heard of it.  
Another Franciscan by Lions, married his brother Friar, in the habit of a Scholar, to a Widow's Daughter of great riches and account, making them believe, he was an heir to great revenues, and sent to Lions, as it were under his tutelage: but at last the Mother and Daughter coming to hear Mass, (as much devoted to this Order) espied her Husband answering the Priest in his Friar's weed, which for the time they concealed, till they came home, and at night, as his custom was, he likewise kept his hours: but being in bed, the mother comes in, and laid hold of his hands, while his Daughter pulled off his Cap, and discovered her shaved crown, and so he was apprehended, and sent to the Magistrate.  
There are more Stories of the Franciscans, then of any other Order, & they were evermore played upon, because they pretended more holiness, and sanctity of life. They builded their Houses and Cells very near the Nunneries; insomuch that many merrily said, here were the Barns, and there were the Thresher's.  
It is reported, that when Henry the second was King of France, and wanted a great sum of money, a certain Lord wished him to sell the Friar's beds; and when the King demanded, where they than should lie; he presently replied, With the Nuns. But, quoth the King, there are more Monks a great deal then Nuns. Why, said the other, one Nun may very well have five or six Monks.  
Two or three Curates between Dauphin and Savoy, persuaded the women to feign themselves mad, that while their husbands went on Pilgrimage to recover their health, the Priests might come and lie with them.  
A Friar minorite of Sicilia, falling in love with the young Wife of old Agatha the Physician, taught her a trick to feign herself pained with the disease of the Mother: For which the Friar must be sent for, and bring in the Relics of Saint Bernardine. Which he did, commanding all the company in the Chamber to avoid; and so he went to bed to the Physicians Wife, while his companion lay with the Maid. But ere all was done, home comes the Old man, and found the Friar's breeches under his Wife's pillow, which she confessed, as a part of the Relics, there to remain, for fear of a relapse. Whereupon the Maid went to the Friars, to tell what had chanced: who camedowne merrily with all the other ceremonies of the cure, and so put his breeches together with the other Relics.  
The old Tale of the Abbess in Lombardy is remembered to this day; who hearing that one of her Nuns was in labour, came in all haste to chide her; but belike she was puzzled in the dark: for in stead of her Veil, she had put on a Monks Breeches, that lay with her the same night: so coming to the Nun, she began to revile her, who forall herpaine, soberly answered, Good Madam mend your plaster, and all shall be well enough, I warrant you. This Tale is seconded by many other Stories in mine Author.  
Pogius the Florentine reports of an Hermit at Padua, called Anfimirius, in the time of Francis the 7. Duke, who was accused for enticing the young and handsome women to his lust and pleasure. Whereupon the Duke's Secretary was very busy to examine him, hoping he would name some, at whose husbands he might make sport, and laughter. In which jollity, he urgeth him again and again to set down the women. Why then, quoth the Hermit, and you be so hasty, write down your own Wife first. I hope you may imagine he was amazed; the Duke smiled, and the whole company stood silent, for fear their turn should be next.  
A Priest at Paris, after Shrift went no further than the Pew he sat in, to satisfy his lust.  
A Curate near Vienne in Dauphin, went behind the high Altar.  
A woman taken in Adultery with a Priest, was accused and examined; but because she could not deny the fact, the Priest was brought before the Bishop, who prescribed him this penance, not to come in three months within a Church. When the man, who was thus abused, understood of so small a punishment, he lies in wait for him, and cruelly beats him; so that he is brought before his judge to receive punishment: who awarded him not to come into a Tavern in 3. months. At which the Bishop seemed much offended, till the judge answered: My Lord, considering the first abuse, I hope it is as great a punishment for him not to visit a Tavern, as penance for the Priest not to trouble a Church.  
In a Village near Corguac, called Cherues, a Maid was got with child by her own Brother, which she discovered to a Priest, and he persuaded the people impragnatam à spiritu: But when so great an imposture came to the ears of the Earl of Angolesme, father to Francis the first, he quickly found out the deceit, and so they were both burnt, and the Priest suspended.  
To conclude this Section, I will be bold with the Records of the time of Henry the eight in our own Country, concerning the Visitation of Monasteries, Covents, Collegiate Churches, and other religious Houses, out of which these particulars are extracted, that in the Monastery of Battle, or beat, in the Diocese of Chichester, these So domites were discovered: john Abbot: Richard Salchurst: Thomas Cuthert: William March: john Hasting: Gregory Champion: Clement West field: john-crosse: Thomas Crambrooke: Thomas Bail: john Hamfield: john jerom: Clement Grigg: Rich. Toucy, and john Austin.  
In the Church of Canterbury among the Monks of Saint Bennet, Richard Godmershem: William Leichfield: Christopher james: john Goldingston: Nicholas Clement: William Causton: john Ambrose: Tho. Chichester: john Champion; and Roger Barram. And in the Monastery of Saint Austin: Tho. Barram, all these were found Sodomites, and punished accordingly.  
To name other places, and other commissions of whoredom and fornication, were infinite; but so it was, and will be in all Nations, where impurity and superstition overcomes true zeal and devotion: yet because there were certain religious men that did observe state in their impiety, and thought scorn to go to common Brothels, or prostituted Whores, but kept women by the name of sequestration, and so lived more glorious, than the rest of poorer Priests; I will also name you some of them, as among the Monks of Saint Bennet, Christopher james had the command and use of three married women: William, Abbot of Bristol had four Whores. In Windsor Castle, Nich: Whyden, Priest, had but four. George Witborne had five: Richard Hunn five. Robert Danison, six: Richard Prior of Maiden-bedly, five.  
In the Monastery of Shulberd, in the Diocese of Chichester: George Walden, Prior, had seven. john Standney, seven. Nicholas Duke, five. In the Monastery of Bath, Richard Lincombe had seven. In the Cathedral Church of Chichester, john Hill had only thirteen. john White Prior of Bermonsdy had twenty. Now if there were four hundred Covents of Monks, and Nuns, and two hundred of Begging Friars, and a survey taken of all the delinquents in this kind, O judge; for God's sake judge; how many Whores, and Bastards of Priests, and Friars might be in England in those days, and then, if according to the Poet,— sic paruis componere megna solebam: we could step into France, Italy, Spain, Germany, and other Countries, where the Clergy bore the sway, and gave the example, and so pull out the dust and rubbish of their unswept corners: Oh what a deal of filth, and a dunghill of noisomeness, would arise, and what a mountain of sin would this sin make! As for the distinction of time, I will be bold to say, It is as ill now, as ever it was in any time.  
Concerning their Epicurisine and gourmandize: If ever the Prophet had cause in his time to 
4. Epicurisine, and Drunkenness.  find fault with the Priests, not only for their hypocrisy, but their filthy and incontinent lives, given to gluttony and belly-cheer, which he setteth out by the terms of Drunkenness and vomiting, I hope, the Monks and Friars of Europe come behind none of them all. Oh look, for God's sake, look, and you shall find in the Book of God, many invectives against corrupt priests, covetous priests, winking priests, negligent priests, obstinate priests, idolatrous priests, rebellious priests, indifferent priests, gluttonous priests, blind priests, ignorant priests, dumb priests, courtly priests, idle & unconstant priests, bribed priests, hypocritical priests, devilish priests, devouring priests, raging priests, incredulous priests, flattering priests, bloody priests, murchering priests, lukewarm priests, mad priests. Oh look for God's sake, look, and you shall find in the Cloisters of Monasteries, in the Cells of Abbeys, in the Walks of religious places, in the Courts of Princes, in the Castles of Lords, in the houses of Gentlemen, in the streets of Cities, in the Farms of Countrymen, and in the Chambers of Widows, religious men of all these sorts, especially hunting after belly-cheer, and to fill their veins with fullness of blood, hot, and corrupted. Mark but the situation of their Monasteries and Houses! Are they not in the fattest grounds, and the plentiful fields of the Country? Do they not feed on the choicest Lambs of the fold, and stretch out their limbs on beds of ivory? Do they not carouse in Goblets and Chalices of Gold, and have the purest Wines of the Vintage? With what delicate fruits are their Orchards stored? and with what walks of pleasure are their Gardens contrived? Was it not a byword in those days, A chuffing Abbot, A fiery-faced Abbot, A gorbellied Abbot?  
Is there not at this hour bread made at Paris of the finest Wheat, called the Chapter bread? do they not every where feed on the daintiest Manchet? yea, those they call Mendicant Friars, eceive no scraps, I hope, but whole Loaves, and the best provision in an house.  
Are not their Cators sent to the Markets to provide the best meat, both Flesh, Fish, & Fowl; Pikes of five French crowns, Carp, Tenches, Barbels, and all of that sort at high rates? and must they not be sod and stewed in Wine, to please the palate, and heat the stomach? Are not their fasting days, days of banquets, sweetmeats: and confectionary stuff, Culliss and Broths, Cawdles, and Panados? sweet and hot Waters? Perfumes and Incense? Are not their linen of the best Diaper and Damask? and the utensels of their house so far from temperature, and moderation, that they exceed in sumptuousness, and bravery?  
There was a certain Cardinal in Rome, that, to make demonstration of humility, had always a net for his Tablecloth: but preferred to the Papacy, he bade take away the Net; for he had that which he fished for.  
When English Cromwell had a great suit to Clement the Pope, he acquainted himself with his custom, and diet, and so invented a dish of savoury and pleasant jelly, which he brought in, in a fantastical manner, with a true man's song, a thing much in use in those days; and so whether his Holiness were pleased with the sport, or delighted with the dainty, he granted his request.  
Pope julius accustomed to eat Pork and Peacock's flesh, would make long meals, and was a mere glutton.  
Becket himself was accused for an Heretic, as eating Capons on Saint Marks day, and feeding like an Epicure on prohibited times, so that he should have been attached, had not the Holy Man miraculously turned a Capon to a carp.  
In the Legend of Cardinal Wolsey, it is objected against him, that he ate stewed Capons in Lent, and sat at his Feasts as long as the King himself. I could name the rest, or at least many more: but these, I hope, shall suffice for the subject in hand: and if any have forgot the usance of their own Country, let them still demand of the travellers in other places, who have frequented the Monasteries of Europe, and I hope they will confess the truth without blushing.  
5. Concerning their thefts and robberies: what was all their sellings of Indulgences & Pardons, 
5. Thefts and Robberies.  but the exhausting of the treasure of a whole Kingdom? Insomuch, that for such thievish exaction, Luther and others rolled a stone, which never jest, till it turned the Pope's Supremacy out of most Countries of Europe.  
Was not the imposition of Peter-pences in England, amounting to the yearly rent of a 100000. pound sterling, a mere theft? Did not women go about (as they do still in Ireland) with a cozening Priest, to howl over the graves of the dead, and mourn for the desunct, teaching their eyes to weep, and their hearts to sob, and all for money?  
Are not the Priests still set on work to encroach upon the flexible nature of men and women, to persuade them to wilful poverty, that they might be enriched with their gifts and Legacies, and have their Monasteries augmented with their Lands and Revenues?  
Were not the Jesuits banished Venice, for cozening the Ladies and Gentlewomen of their Collanas', and jewels, some of them worth two thousand pound sterling, being of great Oriental Pearl, and other rich precious stones.  
What an infinite treasure did Cardinal Wolsey convey out of this Realm, for the ransom of Pope Clement, and bribery of the Cardinals for his own advancement to the Papacy, and maintaining his ambition?  
Is not that ridiculous tale worth the reciting, of the man that buried his Dog, for which he was accused, and brought before the Bishop? Which he answered in this manner; O my Lord, if you knew the wisdom of this Dog, you would not condemn me! For at his death he bequeathed a Legacy to your Lordship of a hundred crowns, knowing your wants, and great occasions. By which excuse he was remitted, and the Bishop pacified. But was not this either manifest Atheism, or plain robbery.  
Was and is not the Croysade a trick of thievery, to make men believe, they must pay so much money, or be damned?  
Did not a ghostly Father preach in the open Pulpit, that when any money was given for a soul departed, the souls in Purgatory hearing it tingle in the Basin, did laugh for joy?  
Was not this the very cause, that Christ did exprobate the pharisees for buying and selling in the Temple, saying plainly, this should be a house of Prayer, but ye have made it a den of thieves.  
At casal one finding three hundred Crowns, confessed the same to a Priest, who so terrified him with damnation, if it were not restored, that the silly fellow delivered him the money to impart it back again to the owner (as he by conjuration would find out) but he deceived him, and spent the same amongst Whores, and pot-companions.  
A Courtesan in Venice lying very sick, sent for a Friar to confess her sins: and so opening a Casket, in which was our Lady's Psalter bound in Gold; the Friar peeping in, saw beside a 1000 Zhekinos lying by. For the time he said little, but afterward found a better time to purloin the same away.  
Was not the Hermit of the Valley of Monte Negro a jolly fellow, who with two Friars kept the passages in strange habits, and robbed all comers?  
Did not certain Priests frequent the Scholar's lodgings at Sienna, and still as their exhibition came from their Parents, they would either steal some, or be the cause of unnecessary expenses: and when money failed, they would either have books, or apparel?  
At the garden of Simples in Padua, a Gentleman of Poland having a rich Hatband, was deceived of it by a Friar, that came and lay by him, as he was searching the ground for some new Herb to show the Master.  
I could name you a thousand of these Stories, both to prove their general and particular thefts, some serious, some ridiculous, some indifferent. But these shall suffice at this instant, and I make no question, there is no Reader, or Searcher of Inuentories, but lights upon many more: and although some with Lycurgus law allow of theft, to make men the more wary and cautelous of their goods; and othersome excuse them, as men subject to imperfections, or politic Husbands, that may increase their estates by thriving devices: Yet the truehearted Christian will confess such theeveries, the branches of impiety; and if they condemn them in other men, will much more abhor them in the Professors of Religion, and Priests of the Clergy.  
6. Concerning their Murders, and cruel and bloody practices, either to compass their own 
6. Murder, and bloody cruelty.  ends, or take revenge of such as had offended them; I am thus freighted with many Stories. But before I come to particulars, give me leave to tell you, I could discover many horrible and fearful executions: many notorious and formidable massacres: many grievous and sanguinarious persecutions, I could tell you, that the Priests persuaded silly women, that abortion was no sin.  
I could also add, that in the gardens of Nunneries, was always a tree or two of Savine, which they say the Nuns used to drink steeped in Wine: now the property of Savine is to destroy any thing condensed in the womb, and so you may judge of the cause: And so I come to the rest.  
In the time of Maximilian the Emperor, a Franciscan Friar in Flanders, came one night into a Gentleman's house, and after he had murdered some servants, took the Gentlewoman perforce, and dis-robed her of her apparel, putting a short garment on her, which he brought with him, of purpose to steal her away to the Monastery, and so threatening her with death, if she spoke or discovered the matter, though she met with her Husband, hurried her out of doors, riding with a long Pike staff, and a short Dagger disguized.  
But as he posted away in this manner, he met with her husband indeed and his man. The Gentlewoman, as she was threatened and conjured, passed by, and durst not speak: and so the Friar followed as churlishly. The servant had only a glimpse of her, and knew her; yea, he discovered the Friar also, telling his Master, what had happened. But he by reason of the impossibility of the matter, as he supposed, told him he was a fool, or mad, and so would have rid home without any more ado: but the servant would needs go back again to take his better view. Which when the Friar perceived, and apprehensive, that his knavery should be revealed, he took the advantage of the man's peering under her Veil, & so with a violent stroke, field him to the ground with his brains dashed out. The Gentleman seeing his man fall, returned in fury, and had the fortune to close with the Friar, and so struggling together, at last overthrew him; which when his Wife perceived, she returned and assisted him, wounding the Friar with his own Dagger. Thus was he taken, and afterward examined, and adjudged to dye: and so he was publicly burnt.  
The Lord Saint john of Ligoures, cousin to the Marshal of Saint Andrew's, committed Incest with his wife's Mother, and had diverse children by her; yea, he so loved her, or if you will, burned in Lust toward her, that he revealed the same in confession to his ghostly father, who to pleasure the Lord, told him plainly he might kill his Wife, and so be rid of her. This was dangerous and bloody, and thereupon he made a stay, till the Friar andaciously told him, he would be the executioner for his sake: and so the murder was committed by certain Ruffians, but at last detected, for which the Friar was publicly executed.  
A Priest of Fonsigney, called Don john, under the dominion of Thiez, than Governor of Geneva, out of mere malice and heartburning, boted out his brother's eyes: not so contented, he brought him to Chambery, to a Saint called Saint ivory, and then in great request; and as he was passing over a Bridge, would have thrown him into the River: but missing of his purpose, by access of greater company, he with certain as wicked as himself, killed him in a Barn.  
A Priest called Saint john, came to Autuns' Church in Paris, to visit the Curate of Saint Andrew des ars, who stood between him, and a Benefice: but not willing to tarry the time, and growing enraged to be so long disappointed, he took an opportunity, and set upon him and his man, and with his companions killed them both: For which he was afterward executed.  
In an Inn at Soysons, the good man's Daughter of the house had a child unlawfully, which was brought up in the house to his great grief; and therefore he could never endure it, because it still put him in mind of her shame. At last he contrived to put her to a Nunnery with a certain piece of money: and so he bargained with a Priest called Hector, a Baker's son of Moyen. But this Varlet took the child, and without any more ado cut her throat, throwing the body into a heap of Nettles. But see the goodness of God hard by, was a Sexton making a grave in a Churchyard, to whom he proffered money to bury the body: but he suspicious of the murder, revealed all he knew to the Magistrate. And so the parties were examined, and the murder found out.  
A Priest of Orleans jealous of a Whore which he kept, and loath to be further tormented, carried her to a Tavern, under colour of kindness, and there beginning cause of displeasure, at last cut her throat.  
The Duke of Brabant, and Earl of Gelderland, raised war for the Dukedom of Limbourg, in which the Bishop of Cullen as assistant to the Earl, was taken prisoner, and kept seven year, till all conditions were accomplished. Thus was he in the custody of the Earl of Mount in Heinalt, whom he could not corrupt for his escape with any promise or gifts, which so enraged him, that in his heart he swore revenge. At last he is set at liberty, and all unkindness seemed to be forgotten; insomuch that the Bishop came to visit the Duke, & in his return entreated the Earl to accompany him to Tuits, a town standing over against Cullen; which he did, suspecting no harm: but the Bishop had lived in Ambuscado for him, and not only imprisoned him, but every hot day used him in this manner: he script him naked, and most cruelly put him into an iron Cage, all anointed over with honey, and so set him in the Sun, where Flies, Hornets, Wasps, and Bees, tormented the poor Earl to death.  
Two Canons of Cullen upon displeasure against Herman Grin, and yet dissembling their malice, invited him to dinner; and in stead of friendly fare, thrust him into a room, where was kept a hungry Lion: but the valiant man winding his Cloak about his arm, drew his Rapier, & killed the Beast, and so scaped the revenge of these wicked priests.  
Henry, Archbishop of Cullen, most cruelly and barbarously broke the arms and legs of Earl Frederick; and when he had done, cast the carcase to the Crows.  
In the time of Otho the Emperor, there was a cruel Bishop of Mentz, called Hatto, who hated the poor, and said they were worse than Vermin, and Rats, and fit for nothing but to be burnt: whereupon in a time of Dearth he filled a barn full of them, and set it on fire, consuming them to cinders: For which, the judgement of God fell upon him, and he was devoured of Rats alive. For when he fled from all places, they following him in great multitudes, he went into a tower in the midst of the Rhine, called the Rats-Tower for ever after, whither the Rats swam after him; but it lay not in the strength or policy of man to deliver him: For there they devoured him alive.  
A jacobine poisoned Henry the 7. Emperor, with his breaden god.  
john de Roma, a jacobine Friar, one of the holy house of Spain, so persecuted the Christians of Merindol and Gabriere, that he filled boots with hot grease, and drew them on their legs, both to draw them to confession, and make them confess where their money was.  
A Monk called Heran, presuming of his merits, by reason of his holiness, and austerity of life, after fifty years was persuaded by the Devil to throw himself into a deep Well, from whence preserved and taken out by miracle, he could not be persuaded, or removed from any other opinion, but that it was an Angel appeared unto him, to make him glorious to posterity.  
Philip the Emperor, and his Successor Otho, were both brought to their destruction by the practices of Innocent the third. And why may not I bring in here, that King john of England was poisoned by a Monk of Swinsted Abbey, seeing they themselves bring it in, and insert it in their Stories?  
About the year 1513. Henry of Lutzenburg was poisoned in the Sacrament by a Dominican Friar, which Baptista Ignatius affirms, and Sleidan recites the reason, from a motive of Clement the fifth, because he grew too strong in Italy: but what followed: many Friars of that Order were slain afterwards by the Soldiers.  
Pope Innocent the fourth was charged with the poisoning of Frederick the Emperor, by means of Peter de Vinca: but escaping at that time, he was afterward murdered by manfred, by the same Pope's practice.  
joan Queen of Naples was murdered by the privity and consent of Vrbane the sixth:  
Charles King of Naples, by the nefarious and bloody counsel of Clement the fourth, caused Conradinus and Frederick Duke of Austria to be put to death, which at last cost the young Prince his life: and, so murder upon murder followed, and the Popes themselves were defamed for such hateful mischief and treasons.  
Sixtus the fourth, was the principal contriver of that treason, whereby julian de Medici's was slain, and his brother Laurence hurt in the Church of Reparata at Florence, at the elevation of the Sacrament. For Volateran saith, that the Pope knew of it, and countenanced the malefactors.  
Alexander the sixth most inhumanely caused Gemes the Turks brother to be empoisoned, being seduced and corrupted by the bribes of the Great Turk, and promises of more money.  
Henry the third of France was most shamefully murdered by a Dominican Friar, called james Clement; and the fact not only allowed of at Rome, but highly commended by the Pope.  
The lamentable Story of that man of men Henry the fourth of France, is not yet forgotten, and whensoever it pleaseth God to spread abroad the carpet of revenge, oh what foul souls peradventure will appear under fair faces!  
The late Prince of Orange was first wounded by john jauregui, and afterward murdered by Baltasar Gerard, being both persuaded by Masspriests and Friars, that such a facinorous act must needs be meritorious.  
I could also name Michael Reinion, Peter de Four, and Peter Pann, animated to kill Prince Maurice, all instructed by Priests and Jesuits, who are indeed the very Incendiaries of the Pope's furnace, to set all Europe in combustion.  
What should I trouble you further with their own murdering one another for the Papacy, with the cruelties of the Consistorian Cardinals, and the exorbitant wickedness, which streameth all over the City, and is more infectious to their souls, than the plague, which often happens in that place, to their bodies?  
7. Concerning their Blasphemies, I mean not to trouble you much with their oaths, strange invented 
7. Their Blasphemies.  oaths, forswearing, protestations, execrations, curses, equivocations, or such like. For I have other things to make you amazed withal, and such fearful speeches hammered on the anvil of the Devil's shop, that I must needs say with the Poet, Horresco referens: Yet I will begin gently, and tell you, it was a Proverb, a common Proverb in those times, He sweareth like an Abbot.  
A certain Priest at Rome, who had been angered by a Courtesan, burst out into an oath, and swore by Potta de la Virgin.  
When the Monks had no Wine, they used to send to their Brethren, and say, Date nobis de oleo vestro, quia Lampades nostra extinguuntur.  
A certain Friar preaching of the Passion of Christ, acted his gesture in such a manner, that he moved his auditory to shed tears: which when he perceived, he changed the accent of his voice, and cried out, Weep not so greatly. For perhaps it is not true, which I told you.  
A wicked Priest of Toures, railing on the Huguenots, for putting their trust in Christ, durst adventure to tell them, that for his part he would believe the Pope before Christ.  
julius' the third, called john de Maria de monte, exclaimed thus, that if God was so angry for the eating of an Apple; how great reason had he to be raged at the loss of his Peacock, which meat he loved so well?  
Cardinal Bembus in a conference about their glory and wealth in the world, exclaimed with a smile: Oh what riches have we gotten by this fable of Christ!  
A popish Prelate railing against Lutherans, said plainly, that sure Saint Peter at the first was a Lutherane. For out of the presumption of his faith, he would needs come to Christ on the water, and might thereby have been drowned, if not saved miraculously.  
Menot a Frenchman, and Barlet an Italian, said, that if Christ had not been crucified, the Virgin Mary would have performed it with her own hands for the salvation of mankind.  
The Papists in general confess perfection in the rules of Monks and Friars, and the Masspriests of Trent do make traditions equal to Scriptures, and they commonly deny Scriptures to be a perfect rule of life and doctrine.  
The Turks punish feverely such as blaspheme Christ: but Papists, I mean, the Monks and Friars tear him in pieces with their hands and mouths. For such are thought to be most clear of Heresy, that can swear most wickedly, and blaspheme outrageously.  
Though Papists profess jesus Christ, etc. yet do they teach that Dogs and Hogs do eat his body, as oft as they eat the consecrated Host.  
The Pope is called the sovereign Lord of Purgatory, and can deliver souls from thence by Indulgences and Pardons.  
The Turks deny all manner of God-hood in man, yea, in their own Prophet Mahomet; and verily believe, that Cosdras was vanquished by the Romans, for calling himself a god: but the Popes not only call themselves so, but have decreed it heretical to think otherwise.  
I could load you with examples: but these shall suffice. For I would not raise this mount too high, considering I determine but a kind of hillock, to overlook the neighbour fields, and easy passages: only I will add hereunto how God hath been displeased with these men, even as far as desperate deaths and punishments: yet neither have they repent, but died in their perfidious blasphemies; nor others taken warning, but continued in their malicious wickedness.  
The Chancellor of France cried out on his deathbed, Oh Cardinal, thou hast sent us all to the devil!  
Bonanenture de Periere, author of that detestable book, called Symbolum mundi, ran himself upon his sword, and died most desperately: as Razis, and others in Switzerland threw themselves headlong from high Rocks, by reason of the blasphemies of Pope's prelate's.  
The Chancellor and Legate du Prat made a fair Hospital, of which Francis the first was wont to say, it was not half large enough to lodge so many poor people, as he had undone: He died at Nantovillet of a strange disease; his stomach eaten thorough with Worms: and while his Coffers were sealing up, he roved, and said, See, what is gotten with serving the King with soul and body!  
Stephen Ponchier, Archbishop of Toures, labouring to erect a new Court against the Professors of True Religion, called the burning Chamber, was attached by a disease, named Le feu de dieu, beginning at his feet, and rising up to his head: so that he was constrained to cut off one leg and member after another, till he died.  
john Ruze a Chancellor of Parliament, and great blasphemer of God, and persecutor of the Protestants, had a burning disease in his privities and stomach, which consumed him.  
Claudius' des asses, a great swearer and blasphemer, the same day he had condemned a Protestant to be burnt, as he was in the act of filthiness with one of his Chambermaid's, the same day died of an Apoplexy.  
Oh the lamentable deaths of our own Clergy in England, raving, and blaspheming God even at the last gasp (as they say) namely, the Bishop of Winchester, Cardinal Bewford, Cardinal Wolsey, Cardinal Poole, Gardner, Bonner, and diverse others.  
john Andrew a Stationer, and a Spy against Protestants, set on by the popish Clergy, died stark mad, and railing both against God and them.  
john Menier, Lord of Opidel, fell into a strangury and burning disease, blaspheming his Creator, and crying out against the Clergy.  
A jacobine Friar, called De Roma, withdrawing himself to avignon, determined to make merry with the spoils of the Protestants of Provence, where he was first robbed by his own servants, and then died in beggary of a strange disease.  
Petrus Castellanus was once a professor of the Gospel, in the time of Francis the first, and so displeased the Sorbonists at Paris: afterwards he returned as they say, to the vomit, in the reign of Henry the second: and thereupon was made the Bishop of Orleans: the reason is rendered, because the Protestants had no countenance nor honour. But what followed he fell into a strange disease: the one half of his body was as hot as fire, the other as cold as might be; which, joined with a bloody flix, killed him at last: but before he died, all were amazed at his sorrow and extremity.  
8. Concerning their ignorance and doltishness. 
7. Their Blasphemies.  For the general, it is well known, that many priests could scarce read Latin, much less understand it, and knew not their Mass and Matins, but by the great letters: yea when they were drunk, were often deceived in the rules of the Pie; and would diverse times repeat one for another: insomuch that in England we had these phrases: Ignorant Sir john: A very Dunce: a Queen Mary's priest, and such like. But to make you sport, and give you some examples:  
It is a common tale of a pretty Boy, that set the Priest's Barn on fire, and speaking to him in his own Latin, all was burnt, because he understood him not.  
Pogius the Florentine hath a hundred examples of the Priests of his time, that knew no Latin, when they came to receive Orders, they are called his facetiae: and indeed he sets down the stories, merely for jests and laughter.  
There was an Italian Friar, that told the people, they were to celebrate that week the feast of Epiphany; but by his troth he knew not, whether it were Man or Woman.  
When a certain Priest read the Gospel of Christ's feeding so many men with a few loaves and Fishes, he named 500 for 5000. at which the Clerk being discontented, stepped to him, and told him he was mistaken, it was 5000. Hold thy peace, replied the Priest, I pray God they believe this number.  
There was a certain Priest, that supposed dignus, was Latin to dine: for when he came to the Bishop to be preferred to a Benefice, the Bishop only asked him, Es ne tu dignus? He replied, that if it pleased his Lordship, he would dine with his Gentlemen.  
What should I name him, that could not tell the father of the four sons of Aimon; or him, that knew not who begat japhet, for all they said, that Noah had three sons, Some, Ham, and japhet?  
There was a Priest in Italy so absurdly ignorant, that when he came to baptise an Infant, he accustomed to say, In nomine Patria, & filia, & spiritua Sancta.  
Of diverse Priests the relation is thus: One, in stead of evertit domum, said everit domum: Another, for demissus per portam, demissus per sportam. A third englished Haereticum devita, put an Heretic to death; and a fourth, Inuenimus Messiam, we have found the Mass.  
A Curate of Artois suing his Parishioners for not paving the Church, alleged the Prophet jeremy for his action— Paveant illi, & non pavean ego.  
A profound Clerk, being urged with certain laws, called Clementina and Novella, was very angry, that they objected to him the testimony of Whores and Harlots.  
Prat the Chancellor, interpreting Henry the 8. Letter to Francis the French King, englished Mitto tibi duodecim Molossos; so many Mules, in stead of Mastiffs.  
Hugo Carensis will not have Diabolus, a slanderer, but to eat up one at two morsels, body and soul.  
In the conference holden at Poyssi, a Priest called Demochares, pleading for Images, was so ignorant, that he had no other thing to allege, but the painted windows of Saint Denis. True, answered the Minister, your argument is made of glass.  
The Papists commend the Collier's faith, that could answer the Devil nothing, but that he believed, as the Church believeth, although he knew not what that belief was. Whereupon Linwood and others say; It is sufficient to believe the Articles of the Creed, and no more.  
Dante saith, that the Friars preach their own inventions, and tell idle tales without edification: and Cornelius Agrippa condemneth their ignorance, as preaching mere toys, and humane devices, as not understanding any other.  
Alfonsus' à Castro saith, that diverse Popes were utterly unlearned. For one of them, in stead of fiat, said fiatur.  
Gregory the sixth, according to Laziardus, understood not the Mass. Pope Zachary condemned Virgilius, a Bishop of Germany, as an Heretic, for saying there were Antipodes: and Paul the second could not endure the name of Academy, as an enemy to all learning.  
john Peckam, in the Provincial constitution, thinketh it sufficient for Priests once in a quarter of a year to expound the Articles of the Creed, ten Commandments, the two commandments of the Gospel, the seven works of Mercy, the seven deadly sins: the seven Virtues: the seven Sacraments, and that without curiosity.  
Durandus teacheth us, that the two points of a Bishop's Mitre, signifieth the Old and New Testament: but Joys Mersilius, an Augustine Friar saith, that the two strops of the Mitre that hang on the Bishop's back, do signify, that he neither understood the Old nor New Testament.  
Alnarus Pelagius complaineth, that the Bishops of Spain committed thousands of souls to their kinsmen priests, that had no learning. And the Germans of late told Adrian the sixth; that unlearned Idiots, unfit, vile, and ridiculous fellows were made Priests.  
The Monks and Friars at this hour can scarce read their canonical hours. For in the Monastery of Fulda, the Monks accused Rabanus Manrus for being learned, and studying the Scriptures, and neglecting their temporalities: but of late, lest children should mock the popish priests, that cannot read their Mass with true accents, every word in common Missals is accented: and yet they miss every day.  
9 Concerning their Beastliness, both in ribaldry and other 〈◊〉 actions, I will insist the 
9 Their Beastliness  less, because the 〈◊〉 are filthy, and can no way delight either chaste ears, nor a civil auditory yet to keep correspondency with my division, something must be spoken befitting this discourse, and agreeable to the Section.  
In other places as well as there, when women came to confession, the Friars and Priests would demand of them, whether they were Sodomites or no? many times putting them in mind of that, which they understood not, and causing a filthiness to be practised, which before they knew.  
You shall read in the life of juniperus, whom Saint Francis held for an honest man, that he commonly used to defile his bed, by ravening in of hodgepodge diet; as seething Cabbages, Roots, Bacon, Beef, Flesh, Veal, Pigeons, and all together, without either scumming the pot, or cleanly dressing.  
They tell it for a jest, and yet not to be denied, that the Monk Ruffinus drove away the Devil, by threatening to untruss a point in his throat.  
In the life of Saint Dominick, a certain man was possessed with Devils: whereupon the Saint bound about his neck certain Relics, whereof some of them were no better then shitten clouts at the least, whose perfume the Devils could not abide, and therefore cried out they would depart: but the holy Man would not believe them, till the Relics were sureties for them. As he also preached, the women were amazed, and cried out, that if he said true, they had served a very strange Master; he bade them be quiet, and they should see what Master they had served. Whereupon enters in among them an ugly Cat, with flaming eyes, showing his posteriors unto them, which were more filthy then in other Beasts: At last he leaps into the Belfry, and left such a stink behind him, that had almost choked them all.  
In the legend of S. Dominick, a Nun called Mary, had a sore thigh, for which she prayed to S. Dominick, as daring not to pray to God: Who pitying her, came to her when she was asleep, and anointed the place.  
Pope Felix the eighth after S. Gregory, built a Church in the honour of S. Cosmas, and S. Damias, wherein one had his thigh almost rotten off with a canker: but these Saints came with Salves and Ointments, yea took very excrements to cure the fellow: but when they saw they could do no good, they cut off a leg of an Aethiopian newly buried, and put it to the man, and so cured him.  
At Lodone in Gascoine, the Mouse that had eaten their bready god, was canonised, and called the holy Mouse.  
The famous Fransciscan de cornibus; died of the Neapolitan disease: yet, when the buttons and pimples broke forth, and made him look fiery red, they reported he became a Seraphin; yea, when a Gentlewoman died of the stink, by kissing of his feet, it rather confirmed their opinion, than gave them eyes to look into the villainy.  
When a certain Cardinal made report; that there was a Woman possessed by a Devil, who could not be conjured: No, quoth Lon the public Notary, give her but a glister of holy-water, and the Devil will be gone, I warrant you.  
It is written in the life of Pope Sixtus the 4. that he granted liberty to the whole family of the Cardinal of, S. Luce, to use carnal company with the male sex, during the three hottest Months: and Pope Alexander the 6. permitted Peter Mendoza, a Spaniard, and Cardinal of Valentia, to make a Ganymede of his bastard son, the marquis of Zannet. But of this no more.  
10. Concerning their Fooleries, & Absurdities, 
10. Their fooleries.  I know not werhe to begin, nor once beginning, how to make an end: For there are so many remarkable things of this kind, that I stand amazed at the blindness of former times, that could not discover such fopperies and abuses; and wonder at their superstitious ignorance, which would not suffer them to be led into the fairer fields of knowledge: But to the purpose.  
A Franciscan, putting on a short garment, and leaving off his breeches of purpose, used such emphatical speeches and gestures to the people which stood before him, about the passion of Christ on a good Friday, that they fell a weeping: but such as were behind, seeing his naked buttocks, as he bowed himself, fell also a laughing, he proved so ridiculous in the action.  
Robert Liciencis, another Franciscan, could cause either sorrow, or laughter, by the enforcement of his words, and manner of his gesture: yea he had a trick to win wagers with his pot-companions of either's enforcement.  
A Friar having a Sweetheart, who loved him extraordinarily, but could not endure his habit, he took occasion one day to preach of the wars against the Turk: and coming to the point of choosing a General, or Captain, he threw off the gown, and preached in the habit of a Soldier, which became him so well, that his Sweetheart seeing him, was much delighted with his presence. And when for this and other fooleries he was sent for before the Cardinals, he answered them very merrily and reverently, that he did it to please his Love, not in any contempt of his Order, or the Catholic Religion.  
A certain Curate complained to his Parishioners in this sort; Alas, what would you have me do, O my Parishioners? You bring me no offerings, and I see none of you die; How shall I live then, think ye?  
The Franciscans of Enreux counterfeited a Ghost, or a Spirit, to procure money; and a young Franciscan Novice, called Harecourt, at Orleans, counterfeited the ghost of the Provost Marshal's Wife, because he gave but six crowns to the Franciscans.  
At Triers in Germany, in the Abbey of Saint Simon, Saint Joseph's pantofles have been in request a long time: and in Aix they showed his Breeches, with the Virgin Maries Smock: nay, there is not so much as the tail of the Ass, on which our Saviour road, but it is at Genoa accounted for a Relic: and in the Country of Lorraine the holy Hay found in the Cratch, where our Saviour was laid, is very famous.  
At the Blackfriars in Arles, at Vigand in Languedock, and at Florence, the stones are showed that killed Saint Steven: with the arrows wherewith Saint Sebastian was wounded.  
When Nicodemus took our Saviour down from the Cross, he gathered some of his blood, and put it in one of the fingers of his Glove, by which he wrought many miracles, & for which he was persecuted by the jews: so that he was glad to be rid of it, and took a piece of Parchment, writing therein all his miracles, and what the blood was, rolling it together, and enclosing it in the beak of a Bird, and so tying it hard, cast it into the Sea: but after 1200. years, the waves drove it into Normandy, among certain shrubs, where a Duke found it, and built the Abbey of Beck in the place: For hunting of a Stag, and losing him and the dogs, they were all found kneeling before the Birds bill: which when it was searched, discovered the secret, and the miracle wrought the Duke to Devotion; and as I said, made him build a glorious Abbey:— O manifesta phraenesis!  
What say you to Christ's blood kept in Vyals, gathered from under the Cross by his Mother? The tears of Christ? the Swaddling bands of Christ? the Milk of the Virgin Mary? yea, the very breath of Christ, and the horns of Moses?  
What think you of the several Saints and their Offices? Saint Genniesne, to cause Raine? Saint Burbe, Thunder: Saint Maturin, a Physician for Fools: Saint Acuire, for Madmen: Saint Auertin, for the diseases of the head: Saint Entrope, for the Dropsy: Saint Mammard, for the Paps: Saint Phiacre, for the Emerods': Saint Maine, for the Scabs: Saint Genoa, for the Gout: Saint Crepine, for Shoes: Saint Medard, for smiling: Saint job, for the Pox: Saint Roch, for Cobblers: Saint Wendelin, for Shepherds: Saint Pelage, a Neat-herd: Saint Anthony, a Swineherd: Saint Gertrudia, a Rat-catcher: Saint Honore, a Baker: Saint Eloy, a Smith: Saint Hubert, a Huntsman: Saint Luke, a Painter: Saint Nicholas, a Mariner: Saint George, a Knight: Saint You, a Lawyer: Saint Anne for things lost: Saint Leonard, to open Prisons: Saint Feriol, to keep Geese: Saint Wendalus, to keep Sheep: Saint john, to keep Lambs: Saint Hubert, for Dogs; with infinite others? And is not this fine foolery? or how can there be more palpable grossness?  
O Saviour! what shall I now say to such a foolery, as is unanswerable? whether all our Ladies make one Lady, the Mother of Christ, or not? as Lady of Loretto, Bononia, Wells in Auergue, Aix, Nantuile, Franckucile: the Valley, the Mountain, Mount-ferra, Mount-guatier, Mount Rowland, Cabimont in Languedoc: Our Lady of the Woods, our Lady of the Fields, of the fair Oak, Walnut-tree, Fountain: and at Chartres, our Lady above and beneath: our Lady of Crotes, or in a Cave: of Carmel, of Snow. What say you also to our Lady of recovery, of comfort, of gladness, of all joys, of pity, of virtues, of good tidings, of good wishes, and infinite others? but what? all one woman? O blessed jesus, what absurdity is here?  
Do you think it is not worth the laughing at, to observe the many Masses, wherewith the Friars and Priests maintain their Gluttony, in ringing, singing, quavering, mumbling, grumbling, and pattering great, little, high, low Masses, with a sop of Wine, & dry Masses; Masses for quick and dead; Masses add requiem; Masses for all Ladies, pity, virtue, good news, and such like: Masses of Saints, Sebastian, Godegran, Guerlichon, Alivergo, Andoch. Masses for 11000. Virgins: Fraternities, Chanters, Warriors, and such like? Yea, what say ye to the Ornaments? Albe, Stole, Girdle, Maniple, Amist, Cope, Chasible, Platine, Pix, Censor, and many other things?  
A Gentleman being reproved for not vailing his Bonnet, when the Holy Water was cast on his head; answered, that if it had that virtue to penetrate to Purgatory, it would no doubt go thorough his Hat well enough.  
In Burgundy, near a Village called Chaseule, a Countryman hearing Ringers, went into the Church, and kneeled before a Crucifix standing near the Belfry, which fell down and had almost dashed out his brains, so that the Ringers were fain to leave work, to carry him home. Upon his recovery he comes to the same Church again, and finds a young smiling Crucifix in the place of the old, (for the other was broken in the fall) which looking steadfastly upon, he could forbear no longer, but thus began, Cast as good a countenance toward me as thou wilt, I will never trust thee. For if thou live to be a man, thou wilt be as unhappy as ever was thy father, who would have killed me.  
When Pope Leo the tenth was told by his Confessor, that he needed to fear nothing, considering he had the keys of heaven, and the treasury of the Church. He answered in this sort: Thou knowest that he which hath sold a thing, hath no longer right nor interest therein; therefore seeing I have sold heaven and all to others, I am afraid I shall have nothing to do there myself.  
When Pope julius the second cast S. Peter's Keys into Tiber, and took Saint Paul's sword, he said aloud, Saint Peter's Keys would stand him in no stead for the Wars, but Saint Paul's sword would help him well.  
The manner was among the Priests that went a begging for Saint Anthony, to heat their little Crosses, or brazen Images: which when the women came to kiss, and felt it very hot, they would tell them, that S. Anthony was not pleased with their Alms, and the poor women so frighted, would return and fetch better.  
There is a Story of Pudding Saint Peter, in the Country of Berry to this purpose. A Priest's maid poured swine's blood into a great Latin Basin, which had the Image of Saint Peter embossed in it, and whereinto the Curate was wont to put his offerings, as it stood for show upon the Altar. Now it happened, that a drop of the blood was unwash't out of it, and so perceived on S. Peter's face: whereupon the Priest rung the Bells, and cried, A miracle; which caused the neighbour parishes to meet at Procession, had not another envious Priest discovered the foppery; and so it ended in laughter and ridiculousness.  
11. Concerning their Impieties: I will neither 
11. Their impieties.  trouble you with the wicked Doctrine of Papists, nor imposturing trumperies of Priests and Friars, touching either the abuse of holy Scripture, or mixture of their own fancies with the written Word; but show you certain instances and examples, whereby you may see, with what daring hands, worse than jeroboam's arm, they have reached to pull the good Prophets by the throats: that is to say, what attempts they have made, both in words and actions, against Christ, and true Religion. Oh let such hand and arms wither, as that wicked Kings did.  
The Schoolmen determine, that the Son of God might have assumed any other nature, besides that of Man.  
The Idolatrous Gentiles and Egyptians did not eat those creatures, which they adorned as Gods: and yet Alexander Hales, and Thomas Aquinas will not only have men to devour their God and Saviour, like bread, but affirm that Dogs, and Hogs, Mice, and Birds may eat the true body of Christ.  
When the Pope goteh on progress, Christ's body is sent before with the baggage, and when the Pope is near, than it goeth out to meet him, while all the Gallants of Rome attend on the Pope.  
They make Saint Francis, and Dominick, equal to Christ in diverse things; and in some, superior: For they call Saint Francis, jesum Tipicum, that is, a figurative jesus, and say plainly, that Dominick and Francis did more Miracles then Christ.  
In the conventicle of Trent, Cornelius, Bishop of Bitonto, said, Papa lux venit in mundum, The Pope the light came into the world: and Simon Begnius, in the Council of Lateran, called Leo the tenth, The Lion of the tribe of juda, and cried out, Te Leo beatissime, saluatorem expectavimus, that is, We, blessed Leo, have looked for thee our Saviour.  
Beno the Cardinal showeth, that Gregory the seventh, cast Christ's body into the fire, burning the Saviour of Papists: and so did Pius the fifth, as Catena reports, throw an Agnus Dei into the flames.  
Theoderick shows plainly, that Vrbane the Pope melted crosses and Images of silver, to pay soldiers: and thus, that which they pretend to honour as God, they convert into the service of the Devil.  
Horatius Tersalinus in an Epistle to Peter Aldobrandini, prefixed before the Story of our Lady of Loretto, saith, that God made the Virgin Mary, as much as could be, companion and partaker of his Power and Majesty, etc. and Bernardinus in Mariali likewise saith, that all graces came down from God by Mary. And Bonaventure hath transformed the praises and honour of God, set out by the Prophet David, to the Virgin Mary. To conclude, in the Roman Breviary, she is called dulcis amica Dei, and the happy gate of Heaven: Yea, in the Missas of Sarum, they esteem of her, as the Saviour of the world.  
Is it not impiety to make a scorn of Christian Religion? Then hearken what the Popes themselues have done? julius' the 2. upon Easter day, fought with the French at Ravenna. Gregory the 7. commanded his Army to join battle upon a good Friday, against Henry 4. Emperor, and in Saint Mary's Church he sought to murder him, by throwing down a stone upon his head from a Vault with his own hands. Sixtus 4. by his Agents, at the elevation of the Sacrament, endeavoured to murder Laurence. And julian de Medici's, Leo the 10. called the Gospel a Fable. And Cardinal Poole, an inky Gospel. I could tell you more of Eccius, Piggius, and diverse others: but I will not make your ears glow again with their horrible impieties.  
Paulus Aemilius telleth, how the Ambassadors of Sicilia cried out to the Pope. Thou which takest away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us. And Simon Begnius, Bishop of Modrusa, in the Council of Lateran, calleth Leo the 10. his Saviour. Stapleton, writing to Gregory the 13. calleth him Supremum numen in terris. Tho: Waldensis, a most ridiculous and impious Friar, converteth the words, which the Apostle spoke to Christ, to Martin the 5. Domine, salua nos, perimus. Fulbertus, Bishop of Chartres, says Rodulphus Niger, was nourished with our Lady's Milk. They tell also blasphemous tales of Alane de rupe, the Author of our Rosary, that he was very familiar with our Lady.  
If I should raise this mountain of impiety with the stories & instances, that I myself have read, it would be too stupendious, and make both you and myself amazed, to behold my own handiwork: therefore I will use contraction, and conclude this Section, with showing what wicked and impious persons they have been, by whose authority, and means, the Popish religion hath thrived, and received supportation.  
The principal Agent of the Pope's Supremacy was Phocas, a barbarous Thracean, and wicked murderer: and Bonifacius 3. nothing inferior unto him, in nefarious and abominable actions.  
Irene, a proud, insolent, and irregular woman, one that murdered her own son, and conspired with Adrian, Bishop of Rome, to perpetrate horrible outrages in the Church of God, brought in the idolatrous worship of Images and Saints.  
Gregory 7. first dissolved by force Priests marriages, and exalted the Mitre of the Pope, above the crowns of Emperors: Yet Beno testifieth, he was a Necromantic, a Murderer, Empoisoner, Sacrilegious, and impious person: yea, the Synod of Brixina condemned him for diverse abominable crimes.  
Paschal the second is called an Incendiary, or firebrand of sedition and trouble, setting the son against the Father, and the Subjects to oppose their Princes. Thus having prevailed against the Emperor, he denied his body burial, and caused the carcase of Pope Clement to be burned in a triumphant despite.  
Alexander the 3. betrayed the Emperor Frederick Barbarossa to the Sultan, and persuaded him to destroy him, having yet most proudly trod upon his neck, with abusing a place of Scripture: Super aspidem, etc.  
Innocent 3. first established auricular confession and transubstantiation, raised tumultuous wars in France, caused the bones of Almericus to be burned for preaching against Images, and showed himself a bloody devourer of Christ's flock, and zealous Christians.  
Honorius the 3. authorised the worship of the Masse-cake, forbade the marriage of Priests, and maintained the filthiness of Monks and Friars: his malice so extended against the Scots that had slain Adam Bishop of catness, that he caused four hundred to be hanged, and gelded their children, to extinguish their race for ever.  
Boniface the 8. Clement 5. john 22. made up the body of the Canon law; you know, what that means. Of the first, it is written, he entered like a Fox; reigned, like a Lion; died, like a Dog. Of the second, he was infamous, insolent, and a Lecher. Of the third, Petrarch writeth a whole Sonnet, etc.  
john the 23. denied the Immortality of the Soul, and was convinced of Incest, Sodomitry, and Atheism. And Eugenius the 4. was condemned for an Heretic, driven out of the City as a public enemy by the Romans, and caused Ladislaus to perjure himself with the Turk, whereby so many Christians were slain at Varna.  
Paul the 3. julius' the 3. and Pius the 4. the wicked Authors of the Decrees, and Anathematisms of the Conventicle of Trent, were such infamous and impious men, that the first was a Parricide, Lecher, Necromancer, and Empoisoner. The second an Epicure, and filthy Sodomite: for Innocentius de monte, a Boy he used, was made Cardinal by him. The third died between two Concubines, and was odious to the Romans for his Vices.  
I could say much more in this point, & spread a Carpet of such odious filthiness, that the very steam and ordure would poison you in the opening; and therefore I will close it up for modesty's sake. And if any object, that here are a number of stories recited, almost incredible to be believed, without partiality, or far-fetched devices, I refer them to all their own Histories, the Sibyls, ancient Fathers, their own Saints; Costerus, Nauclerus, Platina, Herodatus, Scotus, Aquinas, Durandus, Biel, Stapleton, Harding, Bellarmine, Kellison: their Legends, Rosaries, Decretals, Cannon Law, Lombardus, and diverse others, even the Pope's Champions. If you would have more justifiable Authors, than you may peruse Bernard in diverse places, Petrarch, Mantuan, john of Salisbury, Warnerus, Theoderick, johannes Marius, Robert Grosted, Beno, Matthew Paris, Vergerius, Sleidan, and so many others, that if they now should be traduced for scandalising the Church and Religion of Rome, their very bones would rise out of their graves in judgement against you, and their now books extant in the world would up and assume life, to defy you to your faces.  
12. Last of all, concerning their Simony. The 
12. Their Simony.  History of Matthew Paris is a very Map, wherein he doth quasi digito demonstrare the Usury, Simony, Rapi ne, Sacrilege, and unjust gain, wherewith the Popes enriched their Coffers out of England; yea, he enlargeth the particulars of every King's Reign, insomuch, that speaking of Gregory the 7. he cries out, that his Agents did vex the people. And Feline showeth, that without the rent of Simony, the Church of Rome would come to contempt. For of late days they have erected diverse Banks, called Monti de Pieta, as appeareth in Onuphrius in the lives of julius the 3. Paul the 4. and Pius the 4. Vrbane the 6. would sell Crosses, Chalices, and Images. Boniface the 9 would bargain for money for Benefices, and when it was scarce, take Pigs, cattle, and Wares, which his Agents should vent out again. I will not talk of Masses, Sacraments, Pardons, Indulgences & such like: but tell you what they say in Spain, and that in a Rhyme, Es el primero ganor dinero: and for the person of the Pope— Todo parami, nada para Vos.  
There is a saying of Alexander the 6. 
Vendere iure potest, emerat ille prius.   
Benet the 9 sold the papacy for 1500. pounds of gold, to Gregory the 6. And no man obtaineth that place, but for great sums of money, and larger promises, as the discourses of the Conclaves testify, and Bene writeth at large.  
Bridget in her Revelations saith, that the Pope hath turned all God's commandments into one, and that is, Dapecuniam.  

But Mantuan hath it thus:— Venalia nobis,  
Templa, Sacerdotes, altaria, sacra, coronae,  
Ignis, thura, preces, Calum est venale, Deusque   
Frederick the 2. for one absolution paid to Gregory the 9 125000. ounces of gold, as the Pontifical, Nanclere epitome rerum Germ. john of Pineda, and others do reckon.  
Leo the 10. brought such a scandal upon the sale of Indulgences in Germany, as coming then to Magdalene the Pope's honest Sister, that all the Country was moved, and complained thereof: But Theoderick testifieth in his book, that Boniface the ninth sold benefices as he was hearing of Mass: and Theoderick Trudo hath a pretty complaint, That Christ's sheepfolds were broken down with hammers of silver.  
The time of Henry 3. in England was so deplored of the Emperor, that he reprehended the King, for suffering his Country to be so shamefully impoverished by the Pope: For Matthew Paris writes, that at one time they had as much money out of England, as remained there; except Church ornaments, Plate, and jewels, etc. yea, Bonner in his preface to Gardiner's Book De vera obedientia, says plainly, That the Pope's spoils did equal the King's revenues.  
Lewis the 9 of France, in his Pragmatical sanction, not only complaineth of the Pope's exactions, but absolutely forbiddeth them. Whereupon the University of Paris, in an appeal from Leo the tenth, taxeth the insatiable Avarice of the Court of Rome, as drawing from thence 2500000. crowns a year; confounding laws and Cannons, by expectatives, and reservations, and upon pretence of diverse faculties coming from thence.  
james Archbishop of Mentzes paid diverse sums of money for his Pall: and Valla made a treatise against the forged devotion of Constantine; accusing the Pope, for selling the gifts of the holy Ghost: wherein he did worse than Verres, or Catiline, or any robber of the common treasure. But Theoderick compares the Pope's exchequer to the Sea, into which all Rivers run, and yet it runs not over: yea, he sayeth plainly, that the Pope's officers were so many tormentors of Hell, to scourge the people. Alan Chartier testifies, that God's Sanctuary was a common market place for the sale of benefices. john of Salisbury cries out, that the Pope became intolerable, & delighted in the spoils of the Church: Vespergensis affirmeth, that all men sought to Rome for dispensation of offences, and were released for money. But johannes Andrea's goes further, exclaiming that Rome was founded by robbers, and yet retaineth a sent of her first liquor; as if he should say, Quo semel est imbuta recens, seruabit odorem, pesta diu. I could here also recite the 100 grievances of 〈◊〉, the sayings of Albericus à Rosato: the complaints of johannes Petrus de Ferrara: and that Pretrach calleth her Lanata Babylonia.  
But if I now should tell you, after all this getting of wealth, and amassing of treasure, their pride and sumptuousness in the spending of the same, you would be amazed and wonder, with what spirit they durst justify such sacrilegios, vanity, and unparaleld magnificence; wherein Princes come short of their Regality. Baptista Fulgosius recordeth, of one Peter Riarus, at first a Friar minorite, that being created Cardinal by Pope Sixtus 4. he had his Gowns of cloth of gold; the coverings and Tikes of his bed of the same, and all other furniture of the best Silk. At Rome he made a Feast to Elinor of Arragon, as she was going to marry the Duke of Ferrara, called Hercules de Est, which lasted seven hours with great variety and pompous plays, and lived in that excess of Voluptuousness and cost, that all Italy admired his wealth.  
Another had a Concubine called Tiresia, and kept her publicly with shoes set with Pearl and precious Stones: but this is common, and the Cardinals at this hour glory in such excess.  
A Franciscan of Milan, called Sanson, had so enriched himself by Bribery, Simony, Sacrilege, and other exactions, that he offered 120000. dukats for the Popedom: but this kind of life and expenses is so customary in Rome, that I need insist on no further particulars, especially, the maintaining of Courtesans, which name had original from the courtliness and majesty of the Cardinals; so that you shall read, that in the time of Paul the 5. which was then esteemed a time of restraint, there were but 45000. notorious Courtesans in Rome. But what need I go so far as Rome for wealthy Prelates, when we had in England in the time of Henry the 5. a Bishop of Winchester, who lent the King 20000. pound Sterling to go into France? In the time of Rich. the 1. a Bishop of Durham able to buylan Earldom. In the time of Henry 6. Cardinal Beuford, worth above 200000. Sterling. In the time of Henry the 8. a Cardinal Wolsey, exceeding all the Prelates of Europe, for wealth and magnificence. And in the time of Queen Mary, a Cardinal Poole, one of the sumptuous subjects of the world.   

The Conclusion.  
NOw ye Lords, that entertain these Priests with familiar embraces, and admit them to your Tables and Closets, as if you would rely upon the Verdict of some Oracle; whereas yet in other Countries they are even derided of their best Supporters: Now ye Ladies, that in a manner hang about their necks with admiration, as if you were to run to touch the hem of Christ's garment, supposing all sanctity and piety to be the ornaments of their hypocrisy: Now see, Gentiles, that are so easily seduced with imposturing cunning of dissimuled holiness, and will not believe the incantation of Sirens, whose end is destruction, or to devour your souls: Now ye people, that are transported with vain apparitions, and gew-gaw superstition, to please the natural man with pastime, and trumperies; seeing these things are so, which I have recited, being not the tenth of that which I could enlarge: May I not well say to you, as S. Paul said to the Galatians, O ye Fools, who hath bewitched you? What a Pope do you adore? The Man of sin, the son of perdition, the Whore of Babylon, the Beast with seven heads, and ten Horns, & c? What Priests and Prelates do ye entertain, that will lead you from the pure Waters of Shiloa, where you may wash and be clean without money, into the dirty puddles of filthiness, where yet you must be at great expenses, to purchase monstrous deformity?  
What doctrine do you make much of, of darkness and pollution, which cannot endure the sunny splendour of the Word of God; so that without controversy, if the blind lead the blind, both fall into the Ditch, and in the end you shall be so besmeared with the devices of wicked Traditions, that neither Culanais, nor a thousand Rivers of Oil shall make you clean?  
Return therefore betimes, I beseech you, to Wisdom's Feast, to the balm of Gilead: to bring in the Ark, and to re-edify jerusalem. Oh, return, return, I say, for God's sake, for Christ's sake, for Religion's sake, for your own souls sakes, that you may see the difference between the bloody Scarlet Robes of the Cardinals, and the innocent white garments of the Saints. That ye may hear the voice of, Come ye blessed; and, not, Go you cursed: And that you may come before the Lamb, freely with the signature of righteousness and repentance, and not at all be beholding to Saint Peter, and his Keys, which I dare swear are not yet found, since the Pope cast them into Tiber.  
A jove surgit opus.  
FINIS.