THE HOSPITAL OF INCURABLE FOOLS: Erected in English, as near the first Italian model and platform, as the unskilful hand of an ignorant Architect could devise.  
Ipazzi, é li prudenti, fanno giustissima bilancia.  
Printed by Edm. Bollifant, for Edward Blount. 1600   

TO MY MOST NEAR and Capricious Neighbour, cleped john Hodgson, alias john Hatter, or (as some will) john of Paul's Churchyard, (Cum multis aliis, quae nunc imprimere longum est:) Edward Blount; wisheth prosperous success in his Monomachy, with the French and Spaniard.  
IOhn of all johns, I am bold here to bring you into a guesthouse or Hospital, and to leave you there; not as a Patient, but as a Patron or Treasurer: I could wish, that upon this sudden calling to such an office, you would not (like one swollen with the fatness of your place) grow bigger or prouder, nor (indeed) more covetous than you are: but like a man within compass, whose bare (or rather threadbare) content is his kingdom, tread all Ambition under your Ancient shoe soles, now the sixteenth time corrected, Et ab omnibus mendis purgatas. Stay now; for your charge: you shall swear to the uttermost of your endeavours, without fraud or imposture to relieve and cherish all such creatures as are by the hand of Fortune committed to your custody, as also to elect and choose officers of good reputation and sincere practice to supply inferior places under you as: a Porter, who shall refuse none that are willing to enter; a surgeon, that will protract the cure long enough upon them, and that if any desperate Censurer shall stab either at you or me, for undertaking, or assigning this office or place, you presently take him into the dark ward, and there let him be looked to, and kept close as a concealment, till some body beg him; all this you shall faithfully protest to accomplish: So help you a fat Capon, and the Contents of this Book.   

TO THE GOOD OLD Gentlewoman, and her special Benefactresse, Madam Fortune, Dame Folly (Matron of the Hospital) makes courtesy, and speaks as followeth.  
IN good truth (Madam) I am at my wit's end (ere I begin) to think, what Error, or Fury it is that hath so successively possessed the poor despised Nation of Poets (these many thousand years) still to defame, & traduce your ladyship with the imputative slanders of Nigardise and instability; when I (which have known you better and more inwardly, than a thousand of these Candle-wasting-book Worms) can affirm you to be the most bounteous, openhanded, firm, unswayed, constant Lady under Heaven. But since it is no other than the breath of such a pitiful family; let it vanish (as one of my own Mottley household notes well) like Tobacco smoke. And now (most excellent Patroness) that you may feel (for I know you do not use to see) the desire I have to be truly grateful for so many Mountains of Benefits clapped upon me (since I first taught Adam to make him a suit of fig leaves) I do here present your La. with the translated Species of an Hospital, & some few Bedrid fools, lately multiplied out of Italian into English, with a most prosperous and chemical success. My hopes are that you (out of your gracious and accustomed blindness) will not so much, as deign to look upon their diseases, but pass them over with the hand of Favour, as you have often done other sick creatures of their sanguine complexion. They lack cherishing, good Lady, let them not want it. I know a good plump Fool comes as welcome to you at all times, as the wisest Anatomy in a kingdom; you take no pleasure in one of these lean withered Cato's: & it is much more in the way of your praise, that you should bestow your favours on such as (with adoration) will wear them on their foreheads, then on those, who (out of their too much knowledge) study to conceal and make them appear cheap and contemptible. Well Madam, you have the happiness both to consider and distinguish these things without me; and yet if the old Dutchman (he of Roterodam) were to be brought to the rack now, he would protest me (though I doubt he were scarce a sound Protestant) to have too mean faculty in counsel; there was a true trick of myself now (if you mark it) Folly must have a flirt of lightness and ostentation ever. I fear nothing more, but that I have been too grave all this while, & appeared like one dancing in a gown: If I have, pardon me; I beg it with as forced a look, as a Player that in speaking an Epilogue makes love to the two penny-room for a plaudite. But leaving this, what say you? Are my children of the spital to be received into your good thoughts, or no? they stay on the other side of the leaf waiting your pleasure. Me thinks being Fools, they should be answered according to their folly, which is with silence, which is with consent.   

Prologue of the Author to the beholders.  
THe manifest vanity, evident folly, and express madness of some miserable and unhappy men, who with a mind puffed up with pride, a noddle lighter than an oak apple, and more void of wit, than cockles of meat in the wain of the moon, presume notwithstanding extremely upon themselves, in that they are of this friendly and pleasant sort of Buffoons; (for according to the saying of the Philosopher, where little wit is, thither do men run with greatest favour and liking) being lifted up to such an height, that like to that memorable gourd in Ariosto, in short space of time they must needs fall: is the principallest cause that I being amazed and astonished at this their so great folly, after my Theatre of sundry humours and inclinations, have taken upon me to build this most famous Hospital, where the renowned folly of these men may be seen and discerned, written (as it were) in Text letters, and in chambers or lodgings apart, painted and set forth by me with so beautiful and workmanlike prospective, that other Fools shall flock about them; and as the Kings of Fools, they shall receive an openmouth applause of them all, to the end, that while the pipkin boileth, the smoke that pleaseth themselves so much, may forcibly come steaming out at the crown of their own hats. Yet is this no reason, but that the general Folly of the world, spurreth me forward to do the same, besides the kinds of particular Follies, the which procure me that (all humane kind participating of the same) I build for each one of them distinct Cells, wherein they may all commodiously, and with great ease repose themselves. And in this point, it will appear how godly a man the Author of this frame was; who besides the building, made at the great instance of so many weak and poor in brain, with excellent invention hath devised to recommend them all to some God; under whose protection they might be kept, or as far as is possible, defended, and helped of their folly. So he will specially beseech Minerva, to take care of frantic and delirant Fools; jupiter Hospitalis, of melancholic and savage; Apollo, of idle and careless; God Abstemius, of those drunken; Cameronte, of forgetful and fickle headed; God Sentinus, of stupid, lost, and half dead Fools; the Egyptian Ox of those knotted, gross, and loblolly-lams; the Samian sheep, of shallow-pates and ninny hammers; the Goddess Bubona, of lumpish and loggerheaded; the God Fatuellus, of plain Fools and naturals; the Goddess Themis, of those vicious; Nemesis, of the malicious and despiteful; God Risus, of the ridiculous; juno, of the vainglorious; Mercury, of dissembling and counterfeit; Hecate, of lunatical or Fools by season; Cupid, of loving Fools; Goddess Venilia, of desperate; Vulcanus, of heteroclite, light-brained, and addleheaded; Fabulanus, of scoffing Fools; Bacchus, of those pleasant, sweet, sociable, and loving; Tisiphone, of those angry and froward; Mars, of the furious, brutish, or bedlemsort; Hercules, of extravagant, extreme, and wilful Fools; Rhadamanthus, of the piled-pated; Volutina, of monstrous & threeelbowed Fools; Hippona, of them untamed like an horse; Inexorable Minos, of them obstinate like a mule; and finally, infernal Pluto, of mischievous or diabolical Fools. In the mean while I conjure the household Gods, that they will have a care of this family of general Fools; and the Gods Tutelar, that they will undertake the tuition and protection of this new Hospital. Goddess Ops, that with convenient remedies, she will succour so many infirm, and naked of wit and understanding; Goddess Medetrina, that she will cure them well; God Aesculapius, that with miraculous Hellebore, he will purge them after some sort; Goddess Sospita, that she will heal them out of hand; God janus, that he will permit every one to enter within the gates of this Hospital, that they may behold the misery of these unhappy and infortunate: and that especially which is performed on the festival day of all Fools, as the romans were accustomed, the Author desireth, that the gates may be set broad open, where they may see the Bacchanals of the Maenads, a matter pleasant above all 
Or Bacchus' Nuns.  others, and rare to behold. With this invention therefore it hath pleased him to rebate the edge, and rashness of those modern Thersites, who think themselves Aiaces; of those Pygmies that esteem themselves Alcides; of those peevish Fools that judge themselves Nestor's; of those field-Crickets that play the parrots so notably; of those parched Cuckoos that laugh at all the world; of those skinless Snails that lift up their horns for nothing; of those Horseflies of Pigneta, that are bread in dung and dirt; of those Lobbellinoes, properly leaden-heeled, but lightheaded as a straw: for passing through this Hospital, they shall see that Folly was their mother, Buffonery their sister, Ninnerie their companion for term of life, and that between them and Folly there is a just Logical equipollence, Physical reference, and a Scotisticall Identity. These be those that first put it into the Author's head to frame this new building, where the honourable beholders shall have great solace and pastime, to see the foolish Prosopopaeia of these savage geese, and will take no small delight and pleasure at the strange and unusual follies, which within shall discover themselves in these men, who counterfeiting other Cato's among the multitude, will in the end appear to be nothing, but kings of Crickets, Doctor doddipowles, groutheaded Gratians, or cockscombelike 
Gratian in their Comedies is the name of an ignorant Doctor or Pedant.  Merlin's, as in truth they are. Whosoever therefore will go into these pastimes, he shall pay at least a piece of twenty for his part, for this is no twopenny matter, nor no trivial gridiron growt-headrie, which is performed in the market places and given for an Antipasto, before the sale of sweet balls. The first thing showed, shall be a 
Or before meals as the mount hanks in Italy use, before the solling of their Pomatum and sweet balls.  monster with many heads, who with his deformity shall make every one amazed, neither were Hydra, Medusa, or Python so dreadful and horrible as he will be: And then one after another you shall see the palace of the Witch Alcina, chamber by chamber, full of people enchanted in brain, and transformed with brutish Metamorphoses into unreasonable and sottish folk, where between laughter & admiration, every one shall think 
Or twenty Venetian shillings which is a Lyra.  his ninepences well spent, departing well satisfied with the Author, who with new Magic will hereafter represent unto you the castle of Atlas' full of Dawcocks, and he will labour to conduct you thither in safety by Logistilla, giving you Angelicaes' ring in your hand, by mean whereof, discovering other men's follies, you 
Whose history is set forth in the Poet Ariosto.  may show yourselves the wiser. But now retire a little while the monster is loosed, & fix your eyes steadfastly upon him, if you will wonder at the first sight.   

Not to the wise Reader.  
IT being but a Poetical fiction, that this whole world was in the beginning framed of Chaos, upon better advise and reason one may change opinion, or at least have his own censure by himself: it seeming unto me a more probable thing, that from the beginning of Form, which the philosophers hold to be perfection, this world groweth daily to Chaos and confusion. But if the material frame be any ways answerable to him, who is the epitomethereof (man being termed Microcosmos) I am sure this assertion may well be maintained. For Nature (divine ministress) contending in the creation of all things, to imprint in them the seal and form of Divinity, she findeth no enemy nor obstacle to this her perfect work but matter, which still increaseth according to the augmentation, and growth of things created. Hereupon cometh the great difference between the superior immortal, and the inferior corruptible parts of man, the faculties of the soul and mind, being choked in all her divine intentions, by the gross humours and temperature of the body, wherein as in a dark and loathsome prison, it is while the jail delivery of death enclosed. And from hence in like manner doth it arise, that this witty, and worthy Author, observeth in the tree of humane conceit and understanding, so many grafts of folly and foppery inserted, as that no man how mighty or profound soever he be in his own sight, is exempted from some measure or proportion of these dotterel drams. In religion (which is the highest action amongst men) is it not a wonderful thing to see the obstinate opposition of some more fantastic, then truly zealous: one judging every decent formality, deep and dangerous superstition; another abandoning all true ground and substance, for naked traditional rite and form. Next unto this in the second cure of our bodies, how infinite are the follies of Physicians in the practice of their Art, into whose hands notwithstanding at one time or other are committed the lives of almen, wading through such a number of incertainties before they attain to one sound probatum, and making their trials & experiments upon the poor carcases of men: and yet for all this, look what through an whole age, hath been received for wholesome & healthful administration, in another succeeding, is rejected as most prejudicial and pernicious. So that the applications and medicine of their first founders, is now of no worth, except they have recourse to minerals, wherein likewise as they confess themselves they have attained to quality; but of quantity are as yet altogether ignorant. The like may be said of all Arts and professions amongst men, wherein there is that confusion and incertainty, as the doings of one are reprehended by another for most vain and foolish. But if you enter into the particular humours and inclinations of each one, Lord, what a pellmell of conceit and mention you shall discover, this seed being so thick sown in all their operations, that after their deep consultations, firm resolutions, and provident circumspection, of all this their labour, there cometh up nothing but tars and folly, which the wisest man, after due consideration so often affirmed. One is ambitious, and having brought his thoughts and imaginations to a good pass, some instant folly, they being reared to a great height, (like the Babylonian tower) utterly overthroweth them to the ground. Another puts on the Fox with temporising humility, and yet omitting some small circumstances in his complots and contrivance, a momentary error confoundeth all his laboured and provident devices. For as violence settleth hatred and disdain in the hearts of men, Nam oderint quem metuunt: so absolute humility breedeth contempt; and the Italian Prover be can tell you, that Chi pecora si fá, il lupo lo mangia. Well, having in this Hospital received so good comfort, and succour myself; in religious charity I could not but make known unto you this worthy Italian work, framed peradventure upon their year of jubilee, or grace, and therefore propounded in general to all men, for relief and cure of their giddy maladies. I crave no pardon of my errors or faults (yet are they many, and only mine own) being but a Fool, in reporting to Fools what an other hath censured of humane folly: And therefore you see I neither incite you to gratitude, by Alexander's receiving a cup of water so thankfully, nor to reward in distributing of your goodwills, by imitation of that noble Prince, who so kindly remunerated the taking of alowse from his garment. Tully's sentences lie dead in my mind, and I have utterly lost the memorial of Lycosthenes Apothegms: this I did carelessly, accept you of it as lightly. Yet consider what patience you have with the wine you drink in Taverns, and believe me (as a poor traveler) it is all exceedingly bastardized from his original purity: and even your Physical drams, that are so greedily sought after, suffer a little sophistication by the hands of the Apothecary. Think not much therefore, if so tickle and foolish a commodity as this is, be somewhat endamaged by the transportation of it out of Italy, but making some pleasant and profitable collection out of the same, let us leave all pre-eminence of folly to themselves, as I ascribe all due reward and demerit to my original Author. It is certain, that there is few names of men or places, in all the modern examples of this Book, but have agnomination or proximity with the humours & qualities of the party described: but this would have made too homely an hodge-podge in English, and obscured so much wit as shineth through this whole mist of folly, by too palpable and trivial scurrility. If any man find help, or cure of his malady, by devout invocation on his proper Saint, or Patron, let him ascribe the principal glory thereof to him, and yet be thankful to his earthly founder.  
Il pazzissimo.   

Of Folly in general: the first discourse.  
COnsidering, I have taken upon myself this burden, to manifest to the world, the prodigious and monstrous kinds of folly, which with an aspect, and countenance more deformed than Cadmus his serpent, more ugly than the Chimaera, fuller of poison then the dragon of Hesperides, more hurtful & prejudicial than Corebus his monster, more terrible than the Minotaur of Theseus, of more horrible presence than Geryon with his three heads, is come down into the world, to power out amongst us the contagion of her poison, like the beast Alcida, to the hurt and damage of every one: it is very requisite, that I describe her after such a manner, as that her very countenance only may be of force to daunt & terrify any one, and that the whole world may be ready to verify that the Harpies were not so fowl, and unclean, Hercules his bull so pestiferous, nor the sea monster Hesion so damageable as she; who entering once into the seat of the brain, she obfuscateth imagination, perverteth conceit, alienateth the mind, corrupteth reason, and so disturbeth and hindereth a man, that he can neither read, deliver, nor act any thing as he should do: but on the contrary, with turbulent conceptions, wavering and inconstant motions, broken sleep, a sick brain, & an empty soacked head, like a withered cucumber, he vainly like a blind mill horse, whirleth about a thousand fopperies, some of them no less lamentable than ridiculous: But the greatest inconvenience that springeth from her is this, that continually weakening the brain, she causeth man to remain so blockish, and insensate, that he thinketh himself wisest, when he is most fool; then deeming, that he is an other Mercury, when he is but a Corydon, or some Menalca, among the vulgar: and this cometh to pass (as Hypocrates in his Aphorisms averreth) because; 
Hypocrates.  Quibus it a mens aegrotat ij dolorem non sentiunt: they whose minds be thus tossed and transported are insensible of grief. Folly therefore is she, who being spread and dispersed, over all provinces and countries in the world; sorely vexeth mortallmen, and holdeth in subjection under her tyrannical empire, an infinite number of people and men, that saying in Ecclesiastes being too true, that Stultorum infinitus est numerus: infinite is the number of fools; and even as Arpiages not impiously only, but further unnaturally and villainously did with his own sons brains, so setteth she her monstrous teeth against one and other, coveting to satisfy the greedy humours of humane fantasy. This pretty peat, spareth not kings, hath no respect to emperors, esteemeth not captains, makes no reckoning of the learned, regardeth not the rich, feareth not those noble, there is no consideration can bridle, or make her refrain from striking, (like a blind man) round about, and at random, on every side, whole mortal race. Behold the hand that this beast anciently bore over the world, so that the people Agathyrses inhabiting near the Syrteses, or sandy deserts, the first among fools, in sign of their evident folly, went naked with their bodies painted of sundry colours, like the Leopard's spots: whereupon Virgil in the fourth of his Aeneades saith: 
The cretans, Drypes, and painted Agathyrsians rage.  The Audabatians being the pictures of true folly, were wont to fight in the wars with their eyes closed: The Arcadians (right Fools) thought themselves more ancient than the moon: and for this cause Seneca in his Hippolytus saith: 
Contemning thee, that didst amidst the stars soshine:  
A planet placed there: since th'old Arcadians time:  The Himantopoles void of wit, went creeping upon the earth with their hands and feet, as serpents do. The Mendesians deprived of all judgement, performed the greatest honours they could possibly devise to goatherds. The people Psylli coxcombs in the fourth degree, as Herodotus reporteth, fought with armed bands against the south wind, being prejudicial to them: The Tonemphians half out of their wits, seriously made choice of adogge instead of a king, and by the motions and wag of his tail, they presaged empires and dominions, which they were to possess. But who doth not perceive what folly reigneth amongst men, when the learned, who should be wiser than others, show themselves otherwhiles more foolish, affirming things which babies would scarce believe, and all the Magpies in a country would hardly vouchsafe to chatter such foppish flimflams as they do: Is not that of Pliny's a goodly gullery, that Phileta Coo, a compounder of Elegies, was of so light and subtle a body, 
Pliny.  as that it was requisite to fasten lead to the soles of his feet, to the end a blast of wind might not carry him quite away? Are not also those other two famous, which Ausonius and Pontanus write of; that Seneus and 
Ausonius. Pontanus.  Tiresias, of men, became women, changing their forms even as a Potter, while the earth is moist, and supple, of a pot, can make a platter. But yet that other of Pliny's is no less witty: that in the lake of Tarquinum, there were in times past two groves or woods which were carried round about, sometimes in form triangular, than foursquare, & otherwhiles all round: Neither smells this currant, that the herb called Achimenes, being thrown amongst the enemies squadrons, is of virtue to make them turn their backs in spite of their teeth. Licinius Mutianus, tells no simple lie, when he reporteth, 
Licinius Mutianus.  that in Argos he saw a certain woman called Arestusa, who married herself to a man, and the day of her marriage became male, sprouting forth a beard, with members genital: And afterwards she also took a wife, being thus (as he saith) for ever converted into a man. As in like manner that other delivered by Celius, is not very pleasant at the nose 
Celio.  end, that a certain sea monster, in his former parts like a man, and behind resembling a horse, died thrice, and was wonderfully in like manner three times raised from death: Furthermore that of Aelianus is no less famous than the rest, when he mentioneth that Ptolomaeus Philadelphus had an heart, instructed after such a manner, as that he plainly understood his master, when he spoke to him in Greek: No less fantastical 
AElianus.  is an other of Pliny's also, reporting, that in Limira a fountain of Lycia consecrated to Apollo, the fishes therein being with an oaten, or bagpipe called thrice above water, they obey the sound thereof, and appear without delay. But Peter Messia, as others give out, 
Pietro Messia.  recounteth one most palpable, and void of sense, saying, that one Cipus, who was a king, having diligently observed the fight of two Bulls, and one day with deep impression thereof, laying himself down to sleep, awaking, he found suddenly sprouted out of his head, the horns of a Bull. This man, it may be, was a follower of the Philosopher Protagoras his sect, who like a foolish dolt, was so impudent, as to affirm, that whatsoever seemeth unto a man, to be in conceit, is so indeed: so that Plato bestowed a little pains in condemning this Sot, to a thousand gallows, saying, if this position were true, than he was of opinion that Protagoras likewise had uttered a notable foolery, this man affirming, that by his own reason it followed, that he was therefore himself a fool. But he that would amply discourse of all the foolish toys, that by learned men have been set abroach, and make mention of all those, which worldly men have practised, should undertake a burden able to weary Atlas himself; much more, the feeble wit, and weak memory of a mean writer, as I am: It sufficeth that with the wise man, every one may justly exclaim, Vidi cuncta, quae fiunt sub sole, & ecce universavanitas, & 
Solomon.  afflictio spiritus: I have perused all things done under the sun, and behold all is vanity, and affliction of mind. The Egyptians in truth, were most foolish, and vain in worshipping Onions, Leeks, and heads of Garlic for their gods, as Juvenal testifieth in his fifteenth Satire: The Babylonians also wanted wit, when 
Iwenall.  they worshipped their god Bell, before whom they set, so much meat to eat, as would well have served, a thousand persons: And the Romans might well be numbered amongst those three elbowed Fools, in offering divine sacrifice to such an harlot, as was Flora, and adoring Stercutio for a god, no less unworthily, then shamefully constituting him a patron, and Protector of Ajax, and his commodities: But what do I reciting of ancient follies, when this our present age, is a true and lively representation of Fools, yea, and the very storehouse of all the vanities, a man can commit in this world? When were the dreams of Alchemissts ever in greater estimation, than they are now, when many great personages will vouchsafe to go ever into the Stove, or forge, blowing the bellows at the furnace mouth that they may become one of Geber or Morieno his sect, every one of them having as much wit, as an horse: When was Raymond's fond cabalistry ever more sought after, who with his frivolous art professeth wonders, and that he can make Asses dance after the Morisco, and those to run most swiftly, that have leaden heels by nature? When were there such a number of these Almanaches or lying weather Authors being to be sold in the Burse, or Rialto, even to the ridiculous prognostication of one that supped up an hundred eggs in a morning, that he might not be driven to take Inn, with this charitable Hospital of Fools; yet could not this silly wretch avoid the malignant influence of the stars, and planets, and his own infortunate constellation, for he is forced to enter into the Hospital of incurable Coxcombs, for a farthing ginger, because much after this rate, is his hamper merchandise sold at. When walked there about the world such a number of peddlers & Quacksalvers, professing some of them physic as if they had the university certificate, when in the end they prove but country jugglers, selling dross for drugs, and hose of the Irish glick, for slops of the mariners cut? who ever knew such abundance of them that hunt after strange secrets, insomuch that in Bergamo there starts me up one that vaunted of a secret he had, which would convert the Turk, and would have sold it to a Physician, and a friend of mine, for a 
Or Friar Bacon of etc.  piece of forty if he so pleased, a matter enough (if he should have known so much) to have made Fioravanti of Bologna to despair in himself, for not placing it amongst his medicinal toys, under title of Angelical & divine Elixir Fioravantyne: Who ever saw so many odd Mechanics, as are at this day, who not with a geometrical spirit like Archimedes, but even with art, surpassing the profoundest Cabalists, who in stead of a pigeon fit, place in the garrets of houses, portable, and commodious Aiaxes, in stead of convenient fish ponds, digging fit ditches for snakes and adders 
Or close stools. ? To conclude, all the world is matter from head to foot, and one beateth his brains about one thing, another, about some other: this man feeds himself in worldly glory, thinking that in honour, he is a very Ark Triumphal, when all the worth in him, scarcely amounteth to an half penny value; another ruffleth in his without-booke-rhetoric, as though he had no paragon for Latin and Greek; one in deep wisdom of the world tags the points of his hose with iron, that he may have ready crowns in his chest at command, for in twenty years past, he gathereth little or nothing; another stands upon puntoes with his drawn sword, like another Gargantua, in that he is exalted to some catchpole or hangman's office, as if every one knew not, that to put an office into a fools hand, is as much as we should set an ass to play on the harp: this man is very ginger, & dangerous of himself, upon his train, of three or four raggy heeled followers, seeming some pompous proud Pharoe of parasites, amidst a multitude of Guinea Monkeys: who makes himself doctor doddipowle for wisdom, & a pedantical acquaint quanquam for epistles, desiring to appear like an half blown glass, as if the play were ended without a plaudite. And thus every one sets both good and bad upon the board, not considering what the wise man saith, that Vanitas vanitatum, & omnia vanitas: Vanity of vanities, and all is vanity: But because we shall the better know in general, if we discourse in particular, by little and little, let us examine Fools in special, for thus shall we attain to the full and perfect knowledge of Folly, we seek after.   

Of Frantic and doting Fools: the second discourse.  
THe general opinion of all learned 
Galen.  Physicians, and especially of Galen in the first of his Prorrheticks touching this matter called Frenzy is this: that Frenzy properly is termed an affection or interior passion, which being accompanied with a violentague, or sharp fit, beareth always about with it, madness in the brain of the patient: And this passion (as Aetius writeth by authority of Possedonius) 
Aetius.  is a certain inflammation of the organical parts of the brain, which induceth a kind of dotage, and grievous percussion of the mind, whereupon they are said to be frantic and doting, whom such a strong and displeasing passion surpriseth. But Trallianus, that excellent 
Trallianus.  physician in the thirteenth chapter of his first book is of opinion, that Frenzy is a tumour or inflammation of the brain, or of the membranes thereof: And Paulus 
Paulus. Medicus.  Medicus in the sixth chapter of his third Book produceth his opinion of the same after this manner; that Frenzy is an inflammation of the membranes of the brain; yet so, that sometimes the brain itself, seemeth together with them co-inflamed, and that in it may be perceived otherwhiles, a certain heat, besides that which we call vigour, or heat natural. Galen afterwards in the second of the causes of Symptoms, plainly maintaineth, that the residence of passion, is as well in the brain itself, as in the membranes: and the greater part of Physicians jump with him, but especially amongst those of late days Altomar in the sixth chapter of his medicinal 
Altomar.  method. Yet the Physicians do make some difference, between Frenzy, and weakness of brain, although both of them are associated with an fever, or fit, because dotage or brain-sickness (as john Fernelius Ambianus in the fifth Book of his works medicinal writeth) is procured sometimes by choler, and otherwhiles, by a subtle effused blood through the brain, or some other cause: but Frenzy hath ever his cause, from that inflammation of the brain, which before we mentioned: and besides deliration is oftentimes a Symptom, or after passion of an fever, or of some more grievous malady, but of a Frenzy there is no Symptom, it effecting & causing a fit or fever; and this dotage happeneth often, whereas Frenzy falleth out but seldom; Frenzy being a far more violent infirmity, than deliration or dotage. But because I mean not to entreat of Folly, so much according to Physicians, as the vulgar opinion, I have for this cause, comprehended, Frantic and brainsick Fools under one kind, because we commonly say, when any one goeth about a thing arsy-varsy, that such a man doteth, or is Frantic, the same happening to him, which sorteth them, who are properly oppressed with Frenzy or madness: Amongst us therefore ordinarily, Frantic, and deliring Fools be those, who with a kind of imitation of their own folly & Frenzy, serve from all sense, in anything they utter, being inconstant, and so intricating themselves, that another Sphinx, should have work enough to explain their conceits, & Oedipus himself would sweat, to apprehend the meaning of their words: for there utterance is ready, and at hand, but then fantasy on the other side in them, is mounted on a winged Pegasus roving hear and there at random. Of this kind of Fools, two examples only may serve for the learned, the one of a certain man, named by Seneca in his Epistles, Sparsus, to whom he ascribeth 
Seneca citeth an example of a fool doting or delirant.  these qualities: that amongst scholars, he talked like a mad man; and amongst mad men he discoursed like a scholar: where, in the one, and other, the dotage of his mind was evident to all men: the other is of Caelius (an 
Caelio citeth another.  Author much esteemed) in the ninth Book of his ancient lectures, recited where he saith, that there was a certain decrepit woman, called by him, Acco, (and so much the rather it might be a dotage, because the same is more proper to this, than any other age) who perceiving her face in a glass deformed through old age, of the discontentment she received by this in her mind, she became a Fool; & in this her mad folly, she spoke to her own face in the glass, laughed, and talked to it: sometimes she would threaten, otherwhiles she would promise it somewhat; sometimes she flattered it, and anon after a frantic manner she would be angry with the same; one while she would be as merry, as maid Marrian, and by and by, outrageous and despiteful like an oyster-wife. But 
Modern examples.  amongst the vulgar, the example of one Talpine of Bergamo, an old Dizzard may well be added, who not being able to continue a quarter of an hour, or one minute in a purpose, departing from Bergamo, and going to Venice, before the Signiory or Magistracy of Quarantia 
Orsortie.  to appeal unto them, about sentence given upon an house, whereunto he pretended title, as he stood before them, he leapt suddenly out of the house into a well, maintaining with so great obstinacy, how at least yet he would seize upon the well of that house, that those signiors, smiling, offered to make him also Lord, & put him in possession of the whole sea, much more of a well: and thus he gave over his appeal of the well, and carried news to Bergamo, how this Signiory had made him patron of the sea, and also of the Buccetor. But 
A goodly bargs or brigantine wherein the Venetian Signiory recreate themselves in the Adriatic sea, near to their city.  returning again to his former humours, he had recourse a new unto them, exclaiming, that he thought it an indignity, when by his Admiralship he might dispose of so much salt water, for ships to sail upon, and could not have the fresh water of a well, for provision of his galleys: and those Signiors perceiving his wit at the highest, for solace and entertainment of the company, they caused a writing to be made him, subscribed with a coal, & sealed with an horse brand, wherein they declared, that they made a present unto him of all the water in the rivers of Sergio, Oio, Brenta, Sile, Piave, Tagliamento, Gravallone, Adige, & of that part of Pò, which runneth through their dominion, for the use of this affair; and yet in the end, the Fool for all this concluded, that he would not have so much water, but his house, or otherwise, he meant to raze the town of Bergamo, even to the very foundation, together with the goodly chapel there seated and built. No less a dotage is that, which is reported of one Santino of Tripalda, upon whom an humour came that at threescore and four years of age, he would needs go to the University in Padua, and lighting at an Inn nearest to the public schools, there read a Physician at the same time that was then the most famous man of this University, where he entering into the schools, at lecture time amongst others, while the Doctor by chance was conversant in the argument of the brain, this dizzard began to shake his head mightily; and finally, not being able to contain himself at the presence of many scholars, who in the beginning by reason of the old man's grave countenance and appearance, knew not of which foot he halted, he cried out aloud, how he would hold & maintain this conclusion, that the oxen of his town of Tripalda, had more wit, than all the doctors, & scholars that were in Padua: whereupon, flocking about this apparent fool, he was presently placed in the chair with much laughter by the scholars, very desirous to hear some goodly stuff proceed from this new archdoctor; and thus entering into the reader's seat, whereas they expected one thing, there succeeded an other, for he began to talk of the means, how to set upon the Turk and sophy both at a time; and by and by he leapt to discourse of the grace of Saint Paul as some prattling Balletters use to do, and withal, heescapes me quite out of the Turks hands: in the end growing to this conclusion, that he came to Padua to be made doctor, and because he understood, how the scholars of Padua occupied themselves about a thousand matters, he meant to read publicly in that University Orlando Furioso, and without stipend, so that he might have pre-eminence of the head schools: all in jesting manner consenting thereunto, and crying out with a lively voice, long live Santino of Tripalda, for that in his discussion he showed himself so sufficient, and coming down from the pulpit or reader's place, turning to all the assembly he said: Friends and companions, every one perform his part, and I give you place, in the lecture following I mean to return to my town of Tripalda, doctorized thus by your grace, and favour: They therefore of Santino, of Tripalda, and of Talpino, of Bergamos wit, be in the number of those fools, whom the vulgar term frantic, or dizzards: and their Cell in this Hospital, hath hanging out for a sign a Minerva, because she is the Goddess that protecteth this kind of Fools, wherefore prostrate on the earth, with this ensuing supplication let us implore her aid, for the cure of these poor brainsick, and witless men.  

A prayer to the goddess Minerva for doting and frantic Fools.  
TO thee Tritonian virgin, worthily adorned with a 1000 lofty epithets, as of Itonian, Lyndian Medusean, Ionian, Scillutian, Alcessian, Scyras, Elean, Pylotean, Polian, Glaucopian, and of the Attean virgin, by the greeks called Pallas, in that armed with a spear in thy hand, thou art held for a goddess of arms, and of the Latins Minerva, because thou rightly advisest them, that have need of counsel, I unfeignedly direct these my humble prayers: And if thou be'st (as all men esteem thee) the goddess of wisdom, borne of jupiters' brain, in all reason called operative, for that all discreet and wise operations proceed by thy mean, termed Necina, which is as much as to say, valiant, because thou art of a constant resolution, and magnanimous in every one of thy deliberations: made known of all men by the name of Dedala, which importeth as much as witty, because thou art the mother, mistress, and lady of humane wit, I beseech thee receive into thy protection, thesemen, who forsaken of wit, and abandoned of conceit, by my mean have recourse unto thee, being wholly nothing but pregnancy and wit: Thouknowest, that whatsoever they utter is but rudely by them pronounced, they being frantic, and distraught in such a manner as any action of theirs is commonly reputed frivolous & rash: Cure this frenzy, to the end that with recovered wit, regained wisdom, and conceit retired and called home, they may extol thee, the goddess, fountain, beginning, & cause of conceit, and intellect. I no farther at this time instigate thee most wise goddess, ne sus Mineruam, as the proverb saith, lest being a fool, I should control thy wisdom, thou being she, who artable to instruct all the world, and keeping the key of all others knowledge, of all our discipline and understanding: if thou shalt but vouchsafe recovery to these miserable wretches, in thy sacred temple shall be consecrated to thee a dry Pompion rind, which shall hang at thy feet in token of the understanding thou hast given to thesefooles, who before were as void of wit, as this gourd is empty of substance: Peace be with thee, and preserve them that have need of thy help.    

Of solitary and melancholic Fools: the third discourse.  
THe most renowned Physicians, as well ancient as modern, join in this fundamental conclusion, that melancholy is to be reputed a kind of dotage, without fever or fit, which springeth from no other thing than abundance of melancholic humour that occupieth the seat of the mind, it being a common thing with all melancholic persons to have the brain evil affected, either essentially by nature, or voluntarily by their own consent, as Altomar affirmeth 
Altomare.  in his medicinal art, the seventh chapter. And this is Galens' opinion in his third of the seat of passion: Hypocrates 
Galen.  his censure in the sixth book of vulgar diseases: 
Hypocrates. Paulus Medicus.  Paulus Medicus assertion in his third book and fourteenth chapter; as also the position of john Fernelius Ambianus, in his treaty De partium morbis, & symptomatibus, 
Fernelius.  where he useth these express words; Melancholica est mentis alienatio, qualaborantes, velcogitant, vel loquuntur, vel efficiunt absurda, longeque àratione & consilio abhorrentia, eaque omnia cum metu ac maestitia, that is, Melancholy is an alienation of the mind, of which they that labour, think, speak, and effect things absurd, and far abhorring from reason or counsel, performing all this with fear and sadness: the which two last signs Hypocrates setteth down forsecure and infallible notes of humour melancholic: Although Donato Antonio d'Altomare, by the authority of Galen, in his second book Decausis symptomatum: of Aetius in his particular chapter of melancholy, and of Trallianus in the thirteenth chapter of his first book, proveth that melancholic men have only their partimaginative offended, and not cogitation, nor memory, they being deceived for the most part about things to be seen or discerned, wherein the error of imagination concurreth, and not of the other two faculties. In like manner all generally confess thus much, that the kinds of this melancholic madness be sundry and divers, the which may well be perceived in the progress of this our work in hand: and amongst the variable effects of this madness, they assign these: that it is accompanied with little courage or valour: they possessed therewith be replenished with fear and sadness, not able to yield any reason thereof: they desire to be solitary: are in hatred with human conversation; they abhor recreations, and contentments for a time; and then again (as Theodorus Priscianus in his second book of 
Theodorus Priscianus.  things medicinal affirmeth) they repent themselves for contemning them, returning often to the same: they desire death, and many times in act procure it: all which effects concur not ever in one and the same subject, but torment sometimes severally and apart, and other whiles jointly, & being unite. Wherefore we may observe infinite kinds of melancholic fools, according to the superabounding humour, which inciteth one more than an other to greater and more sottish effects. Galen 
Galen.  amongst others in his third De locis affectis, testifieth of one, who imagining that he was become nothing but head, shrunk from every body he met withal, for fear of rushing against it, and making it ache. And Altomare in his treatise De medendis humani corporis malis, 
Altomare.  maketh mention of other two, of which one hearing a cock crow, even as he beat his wings, so did he shake his arms to imitate the crowing and noise the cock made with his wings: and the other fearing lest Atlas, 
Called at this day by the Africans Bibone.  who is said by the Poets to sustain mount Olympus on his shoulders, overcharged and wearied with so grievous a weight, should shake it off far from him, and so he being near might be overwhelmed by the same, could never stand still in a place, but was ever reculing back, as if this weight had always been ready to fall upon his head. And Caelius in the twenty six 
Caelius.  chapter of his ninth book, recounteth one Pisander amongst these sort of fools, who thinking himself to be dead, was wonderfully afraid of meeting with his own soul, which he esteemed to be a mortal enemy to his body, and that he might not come to have any thing to do with it, having so injuriously entreated him, and treacherously borne itself towards him, in leaving his body. But what shall we say to Nicoletto of 
Modern examples.  Gattia, who possessed with this indisposition of the brain, thought one day that he was become the snuff of a candle, and therefore he willed every one to blow upon him before, behind, and on each side, fearing he should burn so much while he were all consumed? No less savage and barbarous is the melancholic and salted humour of this kind, which sometimes one Toniolio of Marastica had, who being in fantasy persuaded, that he was a shoe piece, went upon his buttocks as far as Vincenza, holding his feet in his hand for fear some cobbler in disgrace, should have set him upon the heels or soles of his shoes. And surely I believe that humour to be no less gross which took Bertazzuolo of Nwolara in the head, whose with being overcast, he one day thought that he was turned into a Chioggia pompion, and so with his head he went jobbing against this and that man's nose, crying out, that in any wise no body should buy him, because it was not yet August, when they are ripe. But I will shut up the follies of these miserable sort with the ridiculous example of Petruccio of Prato, who believing verily that he was a grain of mustard seed, cast himself into a great barrel of made mustard which a chandler had set before his shop door, endamnifying this poor man to the value of eight or ten ducats, who would never have believed such a thing. Among these humours of melancholy, the physicians place a kind of madness by the Greeks called Lycanthropia, termed by the Latins Insania Lupina; or wolves fury: which bringeth a man to this point (as Attomare affirmeth) that in February he will go out of the house in the night like a wolf, hunting about the graves of the dead with great howling, and pluck the dead men's bones out of the sepulchres, carrying them about the streets, to the great fear and astonishment of all them that meet him: And the foresaid author affirmeth, that melancholic persons of this kind, have pale faces, soaked and hollow eyes, with a weak sight, never shedding one tear to the view of the world, a dry tongue, extreme thirst, and they want spittle and moisture exceedingly: where he also allegeth that he saw two mightily troubled and oppressed with such an humour: But in this point Foruaretto of Lugo may serve for a notable example, who suffering this madness in his imagination and cogitative parts (for all men agree not touching the memory) he went one night into the jews churchyard, where there had been lately buried an old jew, more than fowrescore years of age, he having been sick more than six years of a dropsy, and taking up this body upon his shoulders, he went to a spacious place before the castle playing with this dead carcase, as if he had been at Balloon, and crying out sometimes serve, sometimes send it home to me, now strike, then play, he by little and little raised up all that quarter, and the rumour went from hand to hand, through all the Hebrew families, that this man had disinterred master Simon, (for so was the dead jew called) whereupon there presently grew a Synagogue of immeasurable laughter in their presence, when they saw this Fool, how he took one of his legs by the small in stead of a braser, & the body full garbage for a Balloon, at every blow his Hydropical tonnage issuing forth, which was a fortnight's work for that people, to allay the stench thereof only; many of the more obstinate sort, being ready to pay the penalty of a Carline, for not making clean the market place, rather 
A little piece of money in Italy.  than they would purge the perfume of Master Simons carcase, it being no counterfeit, or pedlary ware. Melancholic and savage Fools, be therefore of this Tribe, who have in this Hospital a Cell, much like the Grot, or Cave of Cumean Sibilla, and before the gate thereof, it hath jupiter for a sign, whom as protector of such like people, we will in this invocation following call upon for aid and help.  

A petition to jupiter for melancholic and savage Fools.  
THis troup of weaklings, deprived of all help and advise, directed by thy name & by my mean, have recourse unto thee, thou greatest son of Opis & Saturn, brother & companion to Queen juno, condignly called jupiter, in respect of the help thou affords them that need; the most excellent and greatest, for thy infinite goodness wherewith thou governest the whole world, a father, a creator, altitonant king of the gods, lord of the world, rector of Olympus, corrector of faults & offences, highest father aetherean, Sceptiger, omnipotent, with many other illustrious titles, because all things at the least point with thy finger, are ready to obey: wherefore being moved by so great deity, & by so great majesty stirred up, I request thee by that pity the Curetians showed in nourishing thee in mount Ida, to have commiseration of these poor comfortless people: and if the love of Europa, or of thy sweet page Ganymede comfort thee at the heart, thinking on the martyrdom, suffered pain, sustained and passed vexations of so great pleasures afterwards ensuing, by the same judicial insight, I conjure thee to ease these afflicted, to comfort these distressed, and to deliver out of vexation and grief the melancholists, who are put over to thee as to their favourable star: If thou be'st he that begot Minerva, goddess of wisdom, purge their heads of so great folly, wherewith they abound. If thou be'st truly called Panompheus, for that thou hearest every man's voice, attend then not the voices, but even the shrill cries and exclamations of these abandoned. If thou be'st the Hospital jupiter, so celebrated of Poets, have care of these who in a poor Hospital call out aloud for thy succour. If thou be'st that jupiter Penetrant, held so dear in old time, let these men's miseries pierce not only to the ears, but even to the bowels of such a pitiful gods heart. If thou be'st the Lapidian jupiter which workest wonders in stones, what greater miracle canst thou perform then this, to remove from these insensible stones the savage and obdurate humour they are possessed withal? If thou be'st that jupiter whom all men call Genius, for the inclination and desire thou hast to be favouable to all, have a little regard I beseech thee unto them who have need of thy greatest grace. If thou be'st that prodigious jupiter who hath wrought so many miracles in former ages, perform presently this wonder, that thorns may become roses, thistles lilies, and nettles gillyflowers: and then with lively voice the whole Hospital will resound, ever live thou great jupiter Elician, Anxurian, Egyocian, Lycian, Dodonean, Latian, Diotean, Peredatorian, Ultorean, Pistorean, Ammonian, Elean, Celean, Atabyrian, Casian, Eleutherian, Nicephorean, Papean, Lucetian, Olympian, Labryandrian, Laprian, Melionian, Assabjan, Hercean, Larysian, Enesyan, Plwian, Triphalian: and with solemn hymns they will all run unto thy temples, offering to thy image a thousand bunches of wild rue, for having purged these men of so great bestiality as reigned in them: Confident therefore in thy accustomed assistance, I expect for these impotent, due help and aid.    

Of idle and careless Fools: the fourth discourse.  
IN the tribe of Fools, it is requisite we also number certain idle or careless men, who seem always to be asleep in matters concerning themselves, being surprised with such a slothfulness, that in a manner Diogenianus his proverb 
Diogenianus.  in them is verified, which is, they sleep Epimenides his sleep; in their actions and affairs manifesting themselves, I will not say rude or uncivil, but even negligent, sluggish, and altogether sleepy headed. That may well be said of these men, which otherwise is affirmed by the Cimmerians, who are overshadowed with such obscurity and darkness, that bright shining Phoebus hath taken upon him perpetual banishment out of their minds, Homer thus saying of those people: 
The sun on them his beams doth seldom cast:  
Nor in his chariot mounts the glittering sky:  
To earth descending when the day is past.  And amongst these may we rightly place that Vacia a Roman citizen mentioned by Seneca in his epistles, 
Seneca.  for a special example of carelessness, who growing old in sloth, gave original to a proverb; For when they would speak of an idle fool, and one sottishly secure, they would say, Vaciahio sit us est; this is a sordid or sluggish Vaciahio. It seemeth also that Ovid alludeth to these men in that verse: 
Stulte, quid est somnus gelidae nisi mortis imago? 
ovid.   
What other is sleep but deaths pale image wan?  For questionless a fool of this kind is so drowsy in all his operations, as hemay in a manner be said to be dead: whereupon master john Dante having relation to such miserable people, utttered these verses following concerning them: 
The world of these, no fame, will aye permit:  
Mercy, and justice, hold them in disdain:  
No words: to look, and leave them is more fit.  But if modern examples be of greater force, to discover 
Modern examples.  to the world this unhappy sort of men, we may observe that of Cauccio Lupidio, for one most notable, who entering into an Inn, while his companions supped merrily, and sat two hours at the table, he was two hours, and a quarter in tying one of his shoe strings; and when the oaste thinking he had supped with the rest, called upon him to go to bed, he yet demanded a bodkin to make a new hole for his shoe tying, judging that this shoe sat not yet clean enough to his mind. But surely that of Marchetto Piombino, is no less famous, who going to Rome to seek a master and to learn some trade wherewith to gain his living, in the way he light by chance upon a stone, the which he began to spurn before him with his feet; and before he recovered the nearest gate of Rome, all his companions that set out with him, returning back, found him yet encumbered about rolling that stone afore him: finally in presence of them all, he sat down upon the ground, and said: that when he once came to Rome walls, he would thrust it so far in, as that afterward, it might never more annoy such strangers as traveled thither. These miserable, and infortunate crew therefore, deprived of wit and understanding, having need of Apollo's illumination and grace, they maintain the ensign of him, as of their Protector, before their Cell, whilst they remain in obscurity and holes, in this darksome Guesthouse of their madness; wherefore with solemn supplications, let us call upon god Apollo in their aid: saying:  

An orison to Apollo for idle and careless Fools.  
OSacred Apollo, called by the Grecians Phoebus, who with thy golden hair or beams comfortest both the one and the other Hemisphere, acceptable to all, discourteous to none, cast such a light of thy divine beams upon this blind and careless retinue of fools, that they may perceive themselves by thee in mind rectified, and thus enjoying thy divine illumination, exalt and magnify by this means, that thy virtue and power which slew the proud Cyclopes, wounded the wicked sons of Niobe, and extinguished that cursed serpent Python, whereupon thou drewest to thyself that glorious title of Pythius: Thou planter of Amfrisus, inhabiter of Parnassus, lover of Helicone; lord of fount Caballyne, patron of the Laurel, inventor of the Harp, master of Astrology, and prince of Physic, help these poor slimslacks, who have need of internal remedies, for the restitution of their disturbed brain, destitute wit, obfuscate understanding, lost memory: and as thou art called Pronopius, for delivering the Beotians from gnats; Lemnius for curing the Sicilians of the plague; Erethibius for healing the Rhodians of the Emeroydes, so I beseech thee by these noble titles correspondent to thy great deity, with the others of Thimbrius, Cataoneus, Cylleus, Tenateus, Larisseus, Tilposius, Leucadius, Philleus, Lybissinus, and Symtheus, as also Patareus, of the town of Patara in Lycia, Cyntheus of Cynthio in the isle of Delos, Cyrrheus of Cyrrha, Clorius of Claria in Colophonia, Lycius of Lycia, Crineus of a wood in jonia so called, and Marmorius of the castle Marmorio, that it may please thee to add unto these epithets this one other of the great Physician of Fools idle and slothful, to the end that thy name throughout the whole world, with exceeding praises, may be extolled and magnified. But if in commiseration thou regardest these men, as thou hast done the former nations, in honour of thee, thou shalt see consecrated before thy image a pair of spectacles of sixty pound weight in thy Temple of Delphos, as a true sign of thy having recovered, and healed so senseless a people as these were, and always this one honour shall be attributed to thee, that the blind see by mean of great Apollo's spectacles at their noses: dispatch therefore, and make haste of thy help, for thou canst not delay never so little, but these now careless and idle Fools, will in the end prove absolute dolts, and coxcombs.    

Of drunken Fools: the fifth discourse.  
IT is an evident, and manifest thing, that amongst the divers kinds of matter, that procured by the fume, and vapour of wine, is to be placed; which constituteth these kind of Fools, whom we commonly call drunkards; they being of this quality, that when they be heated and chafed with wine, they raise such tumults and noise, as they resemble herein Steropus or Bruntus in Vulcan his forge: wherefore Atheneus 
Atheneus.  the Philosopher in the fourteenth book of his Gymnosophists, propoundeth this question: wherefore Dionysius or Liberus is feigned by the Poets to be mad, to which demand he answereth in the first chapter, with these words: Many (friend Timocrates) feigned Dionysius to be mad, because they that use wine immoderately, become tumultuous; which matter was also touched by Ovid in these verses: 
Beware of brawls oft stirred up in wine: 
ovid.   
And of that hand, which striketh out of time.  And Herodotus in this consideration saith, that wine 
Herodotus.  once taken down into a man's body, mad and foolish words are produced. Xenophon also being to give good 
Xenophon.  counsel to the great Captain Agesilaus, about abstinence from wine, used these words: Refrain drunkenness and madness; making, it should seem, no difference between a drunkard and a mad Fool: for the vapour of wine mounting up into the brain, taketh from a man sight, knowledge, and judgement, and overwhelmeth all the noblest faculties of our soul in an instant the which thing Saint Ambrose touched excellently well in his 
S. Ambrose.  book of Fasting, saying: Cum ebrij fuerint de continentia disputant, ubi unus quisque pugnas suas enarrat, ibi fortia facta praedicat, vino madidus, & somno dissolutus, nescit mente quid lingua proferat, which signifieth: when they are drunk they argue of continency, where every one declareth the dangerous fights he hath been in, there he setteth forth his valiantacts, thus drowned in wine and drowsy with sleep, the mind conceives not what the tongue uttereth. Whereupon in the Decretals, not without cause in the thirty ninth distinction these profitable 
Gratianus.  words be registered: It is far from a wise man's part to apply himself to eating, banqueting, and drunkenness: And in this point our Poet Dante, greatly 
Dante,  commendeth the first Saturnian age, when they went not into cellars to broach hogsheads, but ran with their hands to the fresh water rivers, saying: 
The former age which was of purest gold,  
Made acorns savoury, with sharp hunger sauce:  
And Nectar sweet, of river water cold.  Oh, happy were this our age, if with such abstinence it were endued, but the truth is, they are now adays no other, but giddy-headed Pies, chattering after fifty in the hundred, when the good Rhenish liquor beginneth to work. Among those of late days, one example of Margute of Binasco is able to fill the whole world with laughter; for when he hath drunk but three cups of muscadel, than he sleeps like god Bacchus, and thus his wits riding on the spur, at last he arriveth with the first post in Lubberland, where at the first setting of foot, he meeteth Tom Toss-pot, taking him for the best companion in the world: but when the good Canary gets but up to his crown, then like one of the Maenads or Bacchus' furious Nuns, he runneth up and down the house, filling every place with such terror, as it seemeth, another wild Baiardo hath broken his halter, no man daring to come in the way of such a headstrong beast as this: yet sometimes he procureth to the company great solace and recreation, as that night he did, when being drunk, and going to bed, he beheld the moon, and thinking it had been a river, he said to his companions and friends; Hold me I pray you, for fear I drown myself in this river. Among the ancients, the Scythians, and Thracians are greatly blamed, because the greatest glory they took, was in drinking while they were drunk: wherefore Horace writeth of them. 
The Thracians toss the bowls with merry glee: 
Horace.   And Aristotle in reproach of the Syracusanes maketh 
Aristotle.  mention, that sometimes they continued 90. days one after an other in this irksome custom, of being every day drunk, holding it for a noble & glorious practice. It is written of Nero above all others, that he was so addicted to ebriety, as that for this cause he was ignominiously in stead of Tiberius called Biberius; for Claudius, Caldius; and for Nero, Mero, or Wine. But he that knows not what an evil ebriety is, let him only read the description of Bacchus, set down by the Poets, for by this he shall be clearly satisfied concerning the error thereof: For Bacchus was painted in form of a boy, in that, drunkards forego their wit and understanding: & in woman's form, because drunkards perform no operation manlike: disrobed and naked, for that a man can communicate no secret with ebrious men: and drawn in a chariot, because instability and inconstancy is incident to them: with an ivy garland about his head, in that, as the ivy weakeneth and ruinateth walls, so drunkards are apt to all kind of waste & spoil. And thus much may suffice for this race of fools, who within the Hospital before their Cell, have god Abstemius for an ensign, because he is the protector and advocate of all drunkards: wherefore let us have recourse unto him in this petition following, for their favour and furtherance,  

A petition to god Abstemius for drunken Fools.  
WIth few words, but with so much the more groaning of spirit in such great need, I come unto thee O thou contemner of Lyaeus, adversary to Bacchus, foe to Liberus, and mortal enemy to Bromius, beseeching thee by that virtue through which thou didst effect, that the Locrians held it for a capital offence, to be drunken with wine, & stirredst up in Moscow Sophista, and Apollonius Thianeus, thoughts here from so remote and alienate, they hating the Phigalians above any contagious disease, in that their whole life was in the bottom of cellars; that thou wouldst reform these men of this foolish desire they have, to be every day drunk. And if thou grantest them this grace and favour, we at this present make a vow, to hang up before thy image a bottle full of good Zante cvite, in token of the health thou hast vouchsafed this foolish crew, more of good will, then for any use thou hast of it. Peace be with thee, and help those that have need of thy assistance.    

Of harebrained and forgetful Fools: the sixth discourse.  
AMongst the Physicians of late time, john Fernelius Ambianus, in 
Fernelius.  defining what madness is, precisely uttreth these words, that, Amentia est vel imaginationis, vel mentis occasus, atque privatio, qua iam ab ipso ortu perculsi affectique vix inopia mentis loqui discunt; which importeth; that madness is a privation, or falling away of imagination or the mind, wherewith they strooken and possessed from their birth, scarcely through this impotency of mind learn to speak: and he addeth hereunto: In this kind is a slippery 
Huius classis est fluxa, & amissa memoria.  and brittle memory, the loss of which memory constituteth those sort of fools whom we usually term harebrained or forgetful; and these men in this one point may easily be discerned; for they retain with them no discourse at all, nor enjoy not the least spark of meditation, that opinion of Galens continuing true 
Galen.  in the poem of his book of Sects: that Memoriam commendat magna, & frequens rerum meditatio: great and frequent meditation of things confirmeth memory. True it is that these fools may spring and arise from some defect in nature, as also from some extraordinary accident, while a man is adultus, or in adolescency, as examples by authors produced give testimony to the whole world. Caelius amongst others speaking 
Caelius  of those, who by accident have lost their memory, saith, that Messala corvinus a singular Orator in his time, two years before he died, lost his memory in such a sort, that he could not deliver four words together of one matter, or that might be sensible in the understanding and ears of an hearer. The like Bibaculus writeth 
Bibaculus.  to have happened to Orbilius Beneventanus, he that by Marcus Tullius is called the severe or rigorous master towards his scholars. Among those so sterile of memory, Cicero setteth down the example of Curio the greater, who was of so little and brittle memory, that 
Cicero.  sometimes in judgement he forgot the whole cause discussed of. And Seneca writeth of Caluisius Sabinus, that 
Seneca.  naturally he was endued with so frail a memory, as sometimes he would forget Ulysses' name, now Priamus, and anon that of Achilles, although before they were settled in his mind. The admirable folly of Corebus, son to Migdo a Phrygian, concerning memory, is celebrated by Lucianus and Eustasius; for he contended to 
Lucianus. Eustasius.  number the most frequent and often waves of the sea, although naturally he could not go above the number of five. And Pliny for a last example reciteth how the Thracians are of so dull a wit, and fickle memory, that they 
Plinius.  cannot reckon to the number of four. And of Atticus the son of Herode Sophista, he declareth for a certain truth, that he was of so slippery a retention, as he could not carry in mind the first letters or alphabet of his own country language. The intemperature of the brain is the cause of all this (as physicians affirm) which maketh all the official, and functive parts full of heaviness and indisposition, and so through this hebetude (to use their term) unapt to keep in mind any thing. Amongst these of our time, the example of one Melchior 
Modern examples.  of Rivabassa is most notable, who in his time was so forgetful & harebrained a fool, that when any asked him his fathers or mother's names, he was not sufficient to call them to mind. And this is that sottish Melchior which one day at Bergamo fair demanded of his friend whether the jews were Christians or no. As also that other example of Marchetto of Toletino is very ridiculous, who being invited to dinner by certain gentlemen of Foligno, and by reason of his age wanting teeth wherewith to chew, he forgot certain artificial teeth, which bound fast together with a silver wire or thread, he was wont to use, and returning home, he turned all things topsy-turvy, even to a great barn of corn which he had, thinking that undoubtedly he had left them there within. These be therefore giddy headed and forgetful fools, who have allotted unto them within the Hospital a room, which is called the lodge of oblivion, having before the gate hanging out for a sign, the image of Charon, as a god propitious and favourable to their necessities, upon whom therefore in their aid and assistance I call, with this invocation following.  

A supplication unto Charon for harebrained and forgetful Fools.  
NOw I turn me to old Charon, prince of the Stygian lake, lord of Cocytus, famous pilate of Lethe's, principal keeper of Phlegeton: and by thy boat which ferrieth over mortal men to the lake of oblivion, I entreat thee that thou wouldst look back upon this forgetful rabblement, who having lost their remembrance of things worldly, stand plunged in the water of Lethe's, nay & gorged up to the very throat: Vouchsafing help to this madging, thou shalt before thy grave bearded image, and in the temple consecrated to thy name amongst the Cizenians, see hanged up a case of crickets, as a sign of thy helping these fools; who having now worse memories than a cricket, shall then discover so ample remembrance, that blessed Charon to his great glory, may remember himself to draw out of that Lethean gulf those men, who are now continually drowned and buried therein: Bear up therefore the helm of thy bark, and pass them over at an instant, while the memory thereof is fresh, and the need greater than ever heretofore.    

Of stupid, forlorn, and extaticall Fools: the seventh discourse.  
IN the rank and number offooles are they also worthy to be placed, who in their actions, words, deliberations, and resolutions, seem like immovable and insensiblestones: whereupon, men assignethem the name of stupid, forlorn, and extaticall fools, they being in a manner half dead in all the operations that proceed from them: Of this race were the people Gousofanti, inhabiters of one part of Libya, who were of so dead and fearful a disposition, that they shunned the meeting with any one, neither could they be brought to converse with any men living, they thinking themselves half killed in other men's company. The ancient Rhegians are likewise described to be of this nature, who by their slothfulness and wonderful timidity, raised a proverb, that when men spoke of an abject or cowardly man, they would say Rheginis timidior; more fearful than the Rhegians: Who will deny that Artemon the Grecian to have been a stupid fool, and stripped of all wit, that enclosed himself in a house so long time between two walls, and to no purpose, causing two of his servants to hold an iron target continually over his head, to the end nothing might fall upon him from above, to his hurt or danger; and when sometimes he went abroad out of the house, he was borne in a litter with a cover over it, bravely accommodated for the same fear. What report Aristophanes and Lucianus of one 
Aristophanes. Lucianus.  Pluto, but that he was so silly in mind, that every little puff of wind made him tremble from head to foot? In our times we have a memorable example of Monferrino, who being to make an Oration before certain persons, when he was mounted into the pulpit shut his eyes, and with his eye lids closed, and tongue trembling like a bubbling spring water, he could scarcely finish his exordium before he was in a sort distracted. This likewise once fell out to one Colombino Bergamasco (although he was thought to have had an excellent wit) that in praying he made very many and often gestures; but his words were choked in the half utterance, for while he was fervent in gesture, his words as frozen, durst not discover themselves, there being so little correspondency betwixt the one and the other. Among these examples, I judge that of the Salonesian to be thanks worthy, who when he was come to the bar to plead in favour of a client of his, was suddenly surprised with a cold sweat, which put him into a tertian fever, that as it were in post, sent him headlong to hell, or the region of Rhadamanthus. Now these Fools are properly recommended to Sentinus, protector of them insensate, and before their Cell in the Hospital they have erected his ensign, because they expect from him that aid, which we in this petition following, earnestly seek for at his hands.  

A petition to God Sentinus, for stupid, forlorn, and extaticall Fools.  
FRom the patron of human senses, life and vigour of these members, and the virtue and power of our spirits, which grantest convenient courage to persons timorous and benumbed, do these poor stupid, & forlorn Fools expect opportune help and succour, to the end the valour thou gavest to Theseus and Pirithous to enter the irreturnable shadows of god Ditis his house; as also that thou gavest to jason, and Typhis to furrow the raging waves of the Colchian sea, he to ravish fair Proserpina, and the other to steal away the golden-fleece, so much esteemed, that this virtue (I say) by thy grace being found in them, they may appear to be miraculously delivered, to thy great honour and glory, from the fear and amazement of death. The which if they obtain (as they hope to do) they will offer to thy glorious deity, a fair bunch of nettles, as acknowledging their recovered sense, from the sting of thy divinity, and their wit lost happily restored: yield therefore to their prayers, if this glory touch thee so near the heart, as rightly it ought.    

Of knotted, gross, and Fools of light carriage: the eight discourse.  
THis gross sort of ignorants commonly called Ox-heads, who natu rally apprehend nothing, & when they are in the market are so incircumspect, that a man may make them believe that an ass is a parrot, are they whom we term by the name of gross, knotted, & fools of light carriage. Egnatius to this purpose maketh mention of one Britannio, who naturally was so gross and blockish, as his 
Battista Egnatio.  master could never make impression in him, of the least part of the Alphabet. And Philonides the Miletane, large of body, but of as gross conceit as a sheep, was of so dull an apprehension, that men minding to speak of a foolish calf, they proverbially used to say Indoctior Philonide, more unlearned than Philonides. In our days 
Modern examples.  we have Checco of Minerbio to observe for notable stupidity, who was of opinion one day, that Bologna jelly, or Marmalate was made with butter, and therefore on a fasting day at night he would eat none, while the rest of his companions fell hard to the box, saying, they had long before been dispensed withal for this injunction. Much more gross than this man did Santuccio of Fermo show himself, who at a repast of certain good fellows at port Fermo, eat a perri-winkle in stead of an oyster, affirming to all of them, that it was the goodliest oyster that ever was seen in that port. That likewise of Castruccio of Rovigo is no less sottish, who was verily made believe, that Prester john was no other but the vicar of Bebbe, or Saint Asses: And that other reported of Scarlino of Viadana is as palpable, who was once of irremooveable opinion, that the great church steeple of Pisa, sailed as far as Legorne, and afterwards returned again to his proper place. But the truth is, that this last makes up the whole matter which is recited of one Andruccio of Scarparia, who one day made a friend of his believe, that in the forest of Baccano were seen five hundredth Turkish galleys, which went to take the city of Rome, & that the Pope's soldiers had with forty thousand Balloon squirts performed such a piece of service, that they were all in a manner broken, and overthrown in that wood, the ribs of them being dispersed all over as they went. Of these ninnies, a number are borne in Valtolina, and specially in Valcamonica, and they are so sottishly credulous, that they believe whatsoever is spoken; as he which thought the Arsenal of Venice was a shop of drinking glasses; and an other who believed that the steeple of Saint Marks in Venice, for suspicion of treason 
A village five or six miles from Venice.  was banished for ten years to Lizzafucina: another also being more blockish than a dromedary, who believed that the Buccentor or Venetian barge, booted itself, and rid in a night from Venice to Tripoli in Soria; and another huge Ox or Ork, that the river of Poe had the water of Brenta to wife, and that therefore Adige as a corrival in this love, was angry with Poe, neither would have any further conjunction with it: and last of all, that member of an ass, or Camel, who believed that Montebaldo of Verona, going one day a hunting, light upon the Banditi, and being by them bid 
Or banished men.  stand, he took a crossbow in his hand, and with one shoot, killed twelve of them. Wherefore these men have a Cell in the Hospital, which hath hanging out for a sign, the Egyptians Ox, because to him, as to their protector and advocate, they are recommended. Therefore I call upon him in this petition following, for their assistance and aid.  

A petition to the Egyptians Ox, for knotted, gross, and Fools of light carriage.  
THese dull-pated-calves' have recourse unto thee, thou most solemn Ox of the Egyptians, by all men called, Apis, and Serapis, to obtain at thy hands this favour, that seeing they be Oxen (as thou art) thou wilt be unto them so gracious, that they become not one day more gross than Camels. For that honour therefore which is done unto thee in Egypt, which far exceedeth the golden Tortoise of the Troglodytes; the gilded Asps of the Phoenicians; the Assyrians golden Dove; the Thessalians golden Stork; the gilded Lioness of Ambracia; or those of the Albans golden Dragon; the Thebans gilded Weasel; or the golden Cow of the Tenedians, I pray and rebeseech thee to grant unto them this demanded grace and favour. The which if thou shalt do (as we hope no less) in the Temple consecrated to thee, and before thy image thou shalt see placed a bottle of hay, with an haystack hard by, to show that these men continue by thy favour in their oxen estate, not growing to grosser stupidity.    

Of dotterels and shallowpated Fools: the ninth discourse.  
THese Infortunate, and Lourdish sort, that so often have their wits a woolgathering, their heads being as empty of wit, as an eggshell, and that through the absurdity of their gestures, words and cogitations move every one to laughter that heareth them, in this Catalogue of Fools are termed, dotterels, and men shallowpated. And such did the Bithinians discover themselves to be, who (as Caelius writeth) climbed 
Caelius.  up to the tops of mountains, and there saluted and talked with the moon, although from her they received no answer at all. The Boetians, as Authors testify, retained also this kind of Folly: whereupon the Poet Horace saith: 
Boëtians borne in gross and foggy air. 
Horace.   Amongst those of late days, the example of Francino of Matelica may suffice, who not forbearing to play the fool kindly, took his Mother's rock every morning, she being 70. years of age, & sitting in the sun, he would needs be spinning of varne, but he so besnared the thread & tow together, as the old woman being stark mad, was fain to break the rock continually upon his head, and thus rating and chiding, she half despaired of her son whom she saw to have so little wit and understanding. Mattuccio of Valuasson poor silly soul, was also such an one, for when his father sent him into the country, to see what the harvest folks did, although he was four and thirty years old, he fell a playing with the children at Musse and Scailepin, occupying himself the whole day in such fopperies: afterwards returning home, without relating any thing to that purpose for which he was sent. There was an other also of Castle Bubano in Romagna, in wit sympathising much with the name of his country, who barren of all conceit, one day when he should have carried victuals to certain workmen, by his master's commandment, he went into a cornfield to make of these drones and oaten pipes that children use to play upon, and consumed the whole day in these ninneries, the workmen expecting in vain that this hammar-headed dolt should bring them their dinner, being half dead with hunger. But this example of Tonino Buffalora, gives life to themall, who in his return from Rome, passing through the forest of Ravenna, he filled a wallet full of flies and gnats, being such great ones as that wood affordeth, and a good large pillowbier with horseflies, carrying them into his country, where being arrived, he presently sent to his friends and kinsfolks, that they would come and see him, for he would present them with certain strange conceits which he had brought with him from Rome; who though they knew him to be but a fool, yet took they him not for so very a sot as at last they found him; for taking them all a tone side into a secret chamber, he powered out before them that huge number of flies, gnats, and hornets, which flew in the eyes and faces of every one, with some small disturbance, yet giving them so great occasion to laugh, as surely for the novelty of this jest they were ready to burst therewith. fools therefore of this brood be all termed dizzards and shallowpated, who within this Hospital have hanging out for a sign, the Samian sheep, as their great favourer: and therefore in this supplication we will request his aid and succour.  

A supplication to the Samian sheep, for shallowpated, and dotterel Fools.  
IF the honour which the ancient Samians did unto thee (O reverend Sheep) be such, as it far exceedeth that which the Delphians did to the wolf thy enemy, and greatly surmounteth that which was performed to the romans goose, and the Egyptians goat, and if thy glorious worship be one of the greatest solemnities that ever any people hath religiously celebrated; by this honour, and by such worship, I now entreat thee, that of these thy sheep thou wilt have that care, which unto thyself being one, seemeth convenient, and so much the rather, because if thou be'st not propitius unto them now at their need, thou wilt lose their devotion, who readily rebelling from sheep will give themselves in prey to god Castron: If therefore 
Calf.  thou vouchsafe them help, we will offer a cheese of sheeps milk, like to those of Gualdo or Rimini, to thy sacred image; which shall give all the world occasion to speak of thee, and all men shall cry out: Live sheep and sheeps-heads for ever.    

Of senseless and giddy-headed Fools: the tenth discourse.  
THere is a nest of certain Fools, who vulgarly are called, Fools Senseless, and giddy-headed: and by these circumstances they may be discerned: for they never speak to the purpose, do according to the time, perform any thing worthily, nor produce any thing seriously, or with gravity, but in every speech, gesture, word, sign, & action they are so simple, that they may deservedly be called of every one by the name, of Silly, and Senseless creatures. Hereupon Marcus Tullius in the second of his Orator, declaring 
Cicero.  the nature & property of one these, saith thus: Qui tempus quid postulet, non videt, aut plura loquitur, aut se ostentat, aut eorum, cum quibus est, vel dignitatis, vel commodi rationem non habet, aut denique in aliquo genere inconcinnus, aut multus est, is ineptus dicitur. He that observeth not what the time requireth, babbling out many things, vaunting himself, having no respect to the dignity, or commodity of those in whose company he is, or that, (to conclude) in any kind whatsoever, is inseasonable, or superfluous, may be said to be foolish. In my opinion that ancient Amphistides, named by Caelius, may well 
Caelius.  be placed in the number of these men; who was of so flat and rebated a brain, as he knew not thus much, whether he came of a father and mother, as commonly we do, or no. Acesias the Physician may likewise be numbered among these senseless; for this was his property, that when he had any cure in hand, he administered to him, in a quite contrary course, to that he should have done: whereupon Paulus Manutius useth this proverb. 
Paulus Manutius.  Acesias Medicatus est: Acesias did such a cure. Among those of our time, Franceschino of Montecuculo, 
Modern examples.  was held for a great Dizzard, who conforming himself in actions with the name of his country, entering into the court to defend a client of his, alleged such testimony and proof, as was quite contrary to the poor man. A certain fellow called Hortensio of Sarni, was by a judge in some particular cause, reproved for a Fool of this kind, for having framed a process, for the Latinity thereof altogether excellent and Ciceronian yet in the rest of the clauses, so impertinent and out of order, as the judge was urged to tell him, that another time he might do well, and bring before him some country or Scottish jigs, for such babbles would better content him in the reading, than such a bald process of Piovan Arlotto. That Castelline grosser showed himself to be anotable Fool and buzzard, who when he should have served a maid with starch, sold her in steed thereof, powdered Arsenic Crystalline, who through his folly caused the mistress of the house well near to die with the fume of the same. No less a wiseacre did one Lirone, some apple-squire, manifest himself, who when he was willed to scum the pipkin that ran over, not knowing what to do, put out all the broth, leaving the meat dry in the pipkins bottom, while the Cook was ready to serve in dinner. No less sottish was Bastiano of Monselice, who serving a certain Neapolitan signor, that commanded him to set upon the table some citrons and oranges, went into the orchard, and plucked up by the roots the best plants of the same that were in the whole orchard, bringing them all in a bundle to his master, with great damage, and no small reproach to himself. A like example to this, is that of another Bergamascan blockhead, who being commanded by his master, that he should go up into the Lobby, and fetch some billets to burn, he went with an hatchet in his hand and began to hew hard at certain beams that sustained the house; when his master observing his delay, fetch him down with sound bastinadoes on his shoulders. But this other example of Lucchino of Fusolara is not altogether threadbare, for he serving one of these that sell Malmsie, whiles his master willed him to entertain a certain honest man his friend, and that he should taste of every hogshead, meaning that he should broach them, took one of those great beetles that wood-cleavers use, with which he staved more than four, before his master was ware of his own error, or the others simplicity. Marry this last example, is that which carries it, for Bartolo of Calepio in Bergamasco, being servitor in Venice with a very rich chandler, who one day being to make Tapers, the vessel boiling hot, and the wax being melted, demanded what it was that so boiled in the vessel; to whom his master smoothly answered without laughing, that it was sugar, and honey mixed together to make marchpanes of: whereupon this liquorish coxcomb tarrying while his master would be out of the way, he took one of the shop ladles, and before the wax was cold, while it was good and hot, he sups me up a ladle full of the same, so melting his teeth, tongue, and bowels, that he was ready in a manner to braced, and recounting this accident to his master, he likewise with laughing almost split himself, perceiving this niddicock to be thus beguiled. These therefore be senseless or giddy-headed Fools, who in the Hospital enjoy a Cell; which hath hanging out the goddess Bubona for a sign, as one truly favourable to such like men: wherefore in this invocation following they be recommended to her.  

An Invocation upon the goddess Bubona, for senseless and giddy-headed Fools.  
THese Geese of Romagna, Puglian sheep, and Asses of Marcanconitan, infinitely recommend themselves to the most happy goddess Bubona, friend to Pan, Lady of the Flocks, keeper of the Herds, and most faithful guardian of the sheepfolds: and they conjure thee by the love of Pasiphaes' Bull, Aristo Ephesian his Ass, Cratides the shepherd his goat, and by the mare so dearly beloved of Fuluius, that thou wilt also protect this flock of the foresaid creatures, little differing from them: and if it fall out that thou shalt undertake their tuition, as they desire, they will consecrate unto thee a wild whole roasted Buffle, and therewith sing an excellent hymn, which in every verse shall make mention of Bubona, and the Buffle together: Reach therefore thy helping hand to these Buffles, if thou mindest that this invocation shall be consecrated with all honour, and glory.    

Of plain lourdish, and natural Fools: the eleventh discourse.  
THere be certain silly wretches in the world, so blockish in reasoning, harsh in proceeding, & in their operations, proceedings, & negotiations so foolish, that in all right they obtain the title of lourdish & natural fools in the world, being distinct from all those we have before made mention of. And if we be content to refer ourselves to the examples of ancient writers, we must necessarily affirm, that Miltiades so celebrated by Homer, was one of these archdolts: for he then came to succour Troy, when the city was already ruinated, and destroyed, and therefore it grew into a proverb with Lucian. Mitiadis auxilium, 
Lucian.  the succour of Miltiades: when men would speak of slow aid, or succours, or of a gross and witless man. One Mammachutus also is made famous by Aristophanes for this one point; for in his proceedings of the world, he was so stupid and insensate, as from him it cometh that all naturals and coxcombs, are as it were proverbially called Mammachutes. This dizzardly crew is made renowned by Gratianus of Bologna in his Comedies; for when you hear such a like man discourse, you would not wish to give ear to a more babbling matter: and so great is the gullery thereof as you must needs laugh extremely: for besides that his speech his foolish; his discourse from all purpose; the end evil sorting with the beginning; his gesture unapt; voice harsh, and actions unseemly: he further maketh such childish conclusions, as the same will make any one that heareth them, to cough with laughing. Giacomo of Pozzuola, is likewise one that illustrateth our modern age with his fopperies; for when he goes, he seemeth another lame Aristogiton, when he speaketh a man would think he had a ball in his mouth; when he gestureth, one would imagine that he deluded Nature, and Art; when he reciteth any thing, one would judge by his laughing that he were playing with a feather; and when he discourseth upon any matter, you cannot discern him from the most notable noddy, and jolt-head in the world. What shall we say of Andreuccio of Marano, that famous lob-lolly, who reciting a lease wherein ●●s comprehended, that certain fields were let for two hundred Venetian Liraes', said thus in Latin. Moneta autem Venetiana valebat ducentis libribus pro affitandis illis campibus? As also that other foppish Pedante of Saint Archangelo, what shall we say to him, who giving vulgar construction to that Latin beginning of Cato: Cum ego Cato animaduerterem quam plurimos homines errarein via morum, he said in the mother tongue to this effect: Although I Cato knew very well, that many men ran roving over the land of the Moors? Conformable to that other pedagogical ass, who expounding that verse of Virgil, 
Ille ego qui quondam gracili modulat us avena,  Said, I john Nicolo, who was condemned for the stinking crevices that were carried to Ravenna. And what say you to that goodly Logician scarce worth three farthings, who expounding those verses of Peter Hispanus, 
Barbara, celarent, Dary, Ferro, Baralipton.  Said, that the barbarous soldiers of king Darius had put on their head pieces, murmuring exceedingly: and then declaring the meaning of the other; 
Celantes, Dabitis, Fapesmo, Frisesomorum,  Expounded, that those murrions or headpieces, made the Phrygians and Moors together astonished: then coming to the other, 
Cesare, Camestres, Festino, Baroco, Darapti,  He interpreted, that Caesar's men were arrived at Mestra, and that they made haste to be upon their bones: and last of all lighting upon this verse, 
Felapton, Disamis, Datisi, Brocardo, Ferison,  He expounded, that Caesar said to Philip Anthony and the rest of his friends; stab, and thrust me these men through with your sword. Was not this of Martinello of Villafranca, an apparent coxcombry, who making the superscription of a letter that went to his son in the University at Bologna, writ thus: To the divine spirit of my son Andrew Scarpaccia, who frequenteth the lectures of the greatest Physician in all Bologna, who in three years will become an other Falopia, if God of his grace preserve him living: with this direction underneath: In Bologna near to asses tower in a woman's house that letteth chambers by the month. These therefore be dolts and naturals, and for the same cause are recommended to god Fatuello, partaker and defender with drawn sword of such like people; wherefore having the image of such a like God upon the door of their cell, it is requisite that with this invocation following, we reverence and call upon his name.  

An invocation to God Fatuello, for lourdish and natural Fools.  
MAy it please thee great monarch of naturals, the true ghost and spirit of all fantastics, by the resonance of thy name, conformable to these fools, with thy genius in like manner to favour this blockish band of naturals, in all humility having recourse to thee, and by that Temple which thou hast in Valcamonica, where so many lobbes merely depend on thy dominion and empire; these men beseech thee that though in name thou be'st but a fool, yet in their actions do not so show thyself and power: and thus doing before thy image, they will immolate some famous niddicock which shall be a true sign, that by thy grace and favour they are now no longer fools. Now this is the reward thou shalt have if thou be'st ready and athand with thy succour.    

Of vicicious Fools: the twelfth discourse.  
THere be in the world certain fools, who together with the diminution of brain, and loss of wit, retain in them certain vices, which seem sometimes to proceed from a kind of dexterity in them; but in truth they are rather derived from the defect of a wit corrupt, and depraved, than any thing else; in this manner, like mules kicking at every one that cometh near them, through the malignant nature and condition they have: And these kind of men we thought good to term by the name of vicious fools, for that a fitter or more conformable word cannot be found out, to impose upon them. Some man peradventure may think that one Cippius, named by Lucilius, may well be placed amongst vicious 
Lucilius.  fools: who indeed in this respect was a fool, for that he suffered others to use his wife dishonestly: and in this other consideration he was vicious, who because he would not appear to be a wittal, feigned himself then to sleep, when an other watching in Cupid's palestra, wrestled hard with her. He in the Hospital of Milan seemed no less a vicious fool, who called strangers 
Modern examples.  to him saying; that he would show them the valley of jehosaphat, and by little and little discovering to them his bare buttocks, he made every one blush for shame that came near him. Another there was, who requested every one that he might kiss him, and the man drawing near, either he would break an urinal upon his head, bite him with his teeth, or do him some other kind of mischief. It is recounted of a certain vicious fool, that standing one day at a window, and seeing a fair young maid in an other right over against him, as if in an instant he had been inflamed with her love, he said to her, Signior a lei volete bene adio? Lady will itplease you my heat to cool? Signior nò, perch seat un Sire Matthio: No sir, said she, because you seem but a fool: then he replied; Lasciatemi adungue fare il fatto mio: Let me yet furbish you with my tool. Of an other vicious fool this prank is reported; that one day in the market place he got up upon a butcher's stall, and gathering about him a goodly audience, he began to cry out, that all men might come and hear him: wherefore the people being assembled together he said; Imagine that I am the great beast which calleth a counsel of the other lesser; for my part I will go break my fast, go you and hang yourselves if you will: and thus he deluded the people, departing with laughter and scorn to every one. This man was much like to an other, who at a time of solemn council, about a treaty of certain public affairs, entered into the counsel chamber, and cried out aloud: I give my verdict that every one of you be dawcockes. And one Norandino of Savignano was not much unlike these, being a most vicious fool, who at a time, when a great disputation was held in the city of Cesena, near to that town, and passing by chance through the place where all the disputants were gathered together, making room amongst them all with a good quarter staff, he spoke with a loud voice: I hold this conclusion, that Savignano is not distant from Cesena above ten miles; and next I maintain this other, that Savignano is male, and Cesena is female; as also i'll stand to this, that more people will give ear to me, which am but a Fool, then to you, who would appear to be wise: And last of all, I will affirm, and prove this other, that if ever a wiseman went through Cesena, I should not be a fool myself. These of this kind therefore are called vicious fools, and within the Hospital they enjoy a cell which hath hanging without, the image of the goddess Themis, upon whom, as their protectrix in this under supplication we will call for help.  

A supplication to goddess Themis for vicious Fools.  
O Great daughter of heaven and earth, so wonderfully beloved of jupiter, as thou art desirous of his love, be not niggardly of thy help to those, who being fools and vicious, seek at the hands of Themis, the goddess of reasonable demands, that which is requisite for them to request and sue for: They demand therefore this just and lawful suit; that of Heaven thy father thou wouldst obtain wit for their understanding and virtue for their minds, for if by thy grace and favour they shall be delivered from such a defect; in thy temple so much honoured by the Boëtians near the river Celisus, thou shalt see offered unto thee a Spanish mule, which will be an evident sign of the great victory and triumph thou shalt obtain by such a delivery.    

Of malicious and despiteful fools: the thirteenth discourse.  
SOme men there be, that inwardly have inserted in them such a spirit, as if they hap at any time to be offended or injuried by any one, with a foolish wilfulness at one instant, they begin to contend with him; and as of the offender's side, injuries and offences multiply, so likewise together with hatred, do continual rancours and despightes increase on their part: so as the matter cometh to this pass, that brutishly thus hammering and boiling in their minds, they obtain the name of malicious and despiteful fools. Amongst ancient examples, that peradventure of Cleomedes Astipalensis a man of mighty strength, named by Plutarch, may well be placed; who being defrauded of a certain reward 
Plutarch.  due unto his virtue, entered for this cause into such malice and despite, as one day he laid his shoulders to a pillar which sustained the common school, wherein were all the children of the chiefest men of the place, and bearing it furiously to the ground, he killed the master and all those young youths together. In the number of these also may that Merganore in the Poet Ariosto be reckoned, who for the death of his two sons, conceived such mortal hatred against womenkind, as look how many women soever came within his circuit, they were all for this cause rudely scoffed, and hardly entreated by him. For a malicious and peevish Fool 
Modern examples.  of late days, a certain literate quoy quanquam, is of all men crowned, or such a kind of peevish Poul-iobham, that for the biting of a flea, could find in his heart to kill the whole world, & when he is in his spleen & sir john Chimneys humour, he fears not all the great ordinance of the Tower; for envy and despite take away from him all foresight, of the danger and blow that hangeth over the head of his fury. Wherefore, to this our purpose, it is reported of him, that on a time another calling him, head of a base viol, he was through this word moved to such choler, that he reached him such a blow, which missing him, & lighting upon a pillar by, broke all this Fools own hand & arm; and when he clearly saw the damage which redounded to himself, entering into greater fury than before, he threw a flintstone to have hit him on the head, which lighting against the wall, and recoiling back, took himself on the breast, so that raging presently with double fury and madness, he went to run his head against the other man's belly, who drawing back, he ran his own head against the wall, & broke it all over: and last of all, having no otherthing wherewith to show his spleen, he indiscreetly out of his stomach powers a belch in his face, saying: Go to, take this, seeing I can in no other sort revenge myself. Christoforo of Crispino was a notable wayward, and despiteful Fool, who because on a time another said unto him (he being of rude and homely aspect) you are a well-favoured young man; abhorring this man's ironical speech, he threw a cheese at his breast, and because he took up the cheese & carried it away to eat, he sent after him a knife which he had; but he taking up the knife also to serve his turn to cut the cheese withal, being near to a bakers shop, the other took up as much bread as he could in his hand and threw it at him; the which in like manner he taking up to serve him to eat his cheese withal, the other would last of all have thrown an empty cup without wine at him, which was ready at hand: but he saying unto him: nay gentle brother, but fill it with wine, and then send it after me in god's name. With these words he grew into such a fury, as running to a fountain near hand, he would needs have cast it full of water at him: but this man smiling, and flying away like a treacherous Parthian, or snearing companion, said: I will have the knife, the bread and the cheese, and let the cup and the water remain with thee, for we are now share and share like: and thus did he delude the last blow of this despiteful Fool, who in the end perceived that he was exceedingly derided for his foolish enterprise. A more famous example of malicious Folly cannot be produced, then that which divine Ariosto setteth down in perverse and wicked Gabrina, especially in that Stanza, which beginneth thus: 
Hark thou (said she) that art so stout, and fell,  
As thou contemest, and mak'st a scorn of me,  
For if thou knewest what news I could thee tell  
Of her, whom dead, thou dost bemoan I see:  
Then wouldst thou me behold with merry glee,  
But rather than I will the same declare,  
Thou shalt me into mammocks pull and tore.  For the cursed old wretch, with all furious despite, sought to wreak herself, on miserable Zerbino, not imparting to his lamentable Fortune one only spark of pity or commiseration, like a devilish and impious witch, as no question she was. These kind of men are therefore deservedly called, despiteful, or malicious Fools; and in the Hospital they have a Cell, which hath the goddess Nemesis hanging out for a sign, to whom in this their so great need, let us have recourse, it being that goddess, who commonly hath care of this kind of Fools.  

A petition to goddess Nemesis, for despiteful and malicious Fools.  
WIth all zeal possible, and as great vehemency as may be granted unto us, we implore thy greatest favour and help, O thou sacred goddess, by the ancients termed Rhamnusia, because in Rhamnunte a city of Asia thy image is seen, made by the hand of Phidias, having recourse unto thee, because we know there is no better remedy for these despiteful Fools, than the assistance and aid of that goddess, who punishing and chastising the wicked and offenders, is worthily held for the curer of these fools wounds: wherefore if we obtain that succour, which from so just a goddess we may well hope for, be assured that thankful for thy favours, we will offer in the Temple of Adrastus consecrated to thee, an hand-flasket of scallions and garlic, and all of us will salute the name of Adrastia, belching forth all despiteful savours, evident arguments of the recovery procured to these men, in whose behalf, we direct unto thee this present invocation; heal them therefore, and peace remain with thee.    

Of ridiculous Fools: the fourteenth discourse.  
THere be some fools, who day by day perform things so strange, fantastical, & unusual, that partly for the rarity of them, and partly for their excess therein, make any one laugh that seeth or giveth any ear unto them: and hereupon it is, that all men call them ridiculous fools, having a name conformable to the actions and deeds they every day perform. justine the Historiographer, among the ridiculous follies of Sardanapalus, setteth down this for one, that he being above measure delighted in womanlike effeminacies, appareled himself sometimes in feminine habit, and so intruding amongst the girls and young wenches, he used the rock and spindle as they did, performing all those things which women are accustomed to practise. Homer's folly also is recounted among parts ridiculous; for it is reported of him, that he would miserably have strangled himself for this occasion only, because he could not dissolve an aenigma or doubtful question, the which by chance was propounded unto him by certain sailors or mariners. This other of the Poet Philemon is very excellent, who (as Valerius Maximus declareth) seeing an ass 
Valerus Maximus.  that eat certain figs, which were set upon the table, laughed so extremely thereat, as he burst at the mirth he made to himself with this matter. A like example to this, is that of Margutte in Luigi Pulci, who laughed while he gaped again, seeing a monkey to put on his 
Luigi Pulci.  boots. Lampridius amongst the ridiculous fopperies 
Lampridius  of Heliogabalus, mentioneth also this, that sometimes he would be drawn in a chariot by four naked harlots, other whiles he would visit all the public stews in Rome, giving rewards to all bad and common women, whom he termed his fellow soldiers; and an other time appareling himself like a strumpet, he discovered himself not to be a Roman Emperor, but some trencher buffoon or parasite, to all the world. But yet that folly of Nero surpasseth them all, for he had a desire to bring forth like women; he made a stallion and bardasso boy of himself at one instant; and touching Sporus his Ganymede, he entered into this notable folly, that he would needs see him of a male as he was, turned into a woman by the Physicians. john Ravisius Textor putteth 
Textor.  one Zenophantus in the number of fools ridiculous, who was of this quality, that the more he contended to refrain laughing, the more vehemently he burst out a giggling. Atheneus in the fifth of his Gymnosophists, while he reciteth the follies of mad Antiochus' king of 
Atheneus.  Syria, rehearseth likewise these other very ridiculous: that he practised and conversed as well with the basest vulgar sort, as with gentlemen and great lords; and he carrowsed more willingly with the vilder sort, then with his barons or knights; wheresoever he knew any assembly of dissolute or vain young men to be gathered together, thither would he goeunlooked for, carrying with him his cittern or lute; and thus thrust himself into their company: Oftentimes also laying aside his Princelike habit, he went with a lantern in his hand into the market place, taking this and that man by the hand, desiring them all that they would give him their voices & consents; for sometimes after the Roman manner, he would be made Aedile, and otherwhiles tribune of the people; often in the presence of noble personages, tumbling and dancing like some stage fool, to the great abashment of those that were present at such indignities. Among the ridiculous fools of our time, we may well count a coxcomb called Pedruccio of 
Modern examples.  Biagrasso, to be one, who went up and down the streets gathering together all the horse and cows dung he could meet withal, and carried it home for provision saying, that in time of dearth that grut or riffraff would be good to make an Italian Torto withal, wherewith 
A meat made of dough and scrapped cheese, which baked upon a pan looketh like marchpane.  to preserve his life, in despite of all usurers. Michelino of Papozza is also an other ninny, that makes all the world to laugh at his folly: for in summer he will put a corselet on his back with some good furred gaberdine over it, and above all this, a large target after the ancient Roman fashion, affirming, that he would by no means that the sun piercing him with his beams, should make him to sweat. But Santiccio of Ritonda, is a ridiculous and four-eared fool, for all the summer he doth nothing else but take frogs and slay them, carrying all the skins of them together to a furrier, to whom he counteth them saying; the Roman Emperors never wore so rare and fine skins as might be made of these his excellent and dainty ones. All such like men as these therefore are called ridiculous fools, because they execute follies for the most part, foppish and ridiculous, and their Cell in the Hospital hath hanging out for a sign, the image of god Risus, adored of the ancients, they being recommended unto him, as their peculiar godhead and patron: wherefore with this ridiculous petition following, let us solemnly for their help and aid call upon him.  

A petition to god Risus for ridiculous Fools.  
I Can not but with great giggling and laughter turn myself unto thee, O thou son of jupiter, or Bacchus, friend to all Sycophants, constant affectionate to drunkards, enemy to all molestation, more than to contagion or sickness, nourished by Venus, brought up by Cupid, & maintained at the charges of goddess Flora, a brave fellow for thy life, a good companion for thy wit, a mercenary advocate for the time, and with old Democritus in behalf of these men, make unto thyself a loud squeaking laughter, like them, the tinkling of frying pans make in Saint Marks place: for if it were not thou that gavest help and nourishment to these ridiculous fools, all the whole Hospital would be but in a miserable plight; neither would any thing but sadness and melancholy be discerned over all: but these men by thy favour doing their endeavour, do yet make their followers merry, and remove from their minds that discontentment, which they receive from humours phrenetical, delirant, melancholic, and savage, and other such like unto these: wherefore many men are not a little bound unto thee, in perceiving by thy means, their hearts exhilarated, and minds replenished with exceeding alacrity, the which favour and grace if thou continuest, as in these particular sort of fools, we desire thou shouldest, be sure that in thy temple thou shalt hear more prodigious laughters, than ever were heard at any of Heliogabalus, or Commodus their banquets: And all this shall be done to please thee, who art the occasion of all laughter.    

Of ostenting and vain glorious Fools: the fifteenth discourse.  
THe greatest number of fools that we find, may peradventure be these whereof at this present we discoursing, make clear and glorious mention of the same to the world, and by this glorious title or imposition, we term them vainglorious or ostenting fools: for they love nothing more, contend earnestly after no other matter, nor with greater care and anxiety covet or desire any thing more than the glory of the world, whereof they are so greedy and desirous, as covetous men of gold, Bears of honey, & bees of flowers; it being the breakfast, dinner, and dissert of all their operations: and by the reason of this gross matter they have in their heads, their wits cannot enter into the sayings of the wise, denounced against them: as that of Aristotle, who in the books of his secrets to Alexander, saith, that Nulla tanta fortitudo est, ut superbiae pondus 
Aristotle.  sustinere valeat: there is no fortitude so great which is able to sustain the weight and burden of pride. This of Aristophanes who was wont to say; Non oportere in 
Aristophanes.  civitate nutriri leones: Lions should not be nourished in acitie. And that other of Demades to the Athenians, 
Demades.  who minding to ascribe to Alexander divine honours, said, Videte quaeso cives, ne, dum ad coelum gloriosum istum tollitis, in terram deijciatis: beware good citizens, lest while you go about to extol this glorious man to heaven, you throw him not down to the earth; but in such sort are they blinded with this cursed ambition, that even pierceth and sheatheth itself in their hearts, that they have lost all apprehension of understanding, and what light soever was therein, running in post haste after the least spark of this glory, voluble and inconstant as the wind: the words of these men are perfumed, & odoriferous like ambergris, neither do they lose them from their tongues, but as a piece of fine sugar, they come sweet from their mouths; all their gestures are by symmetry compounded in the garden of the graces; their steps be measure & proportion itself, like Archimedes his geometrical instruments, that one may not be longer than an other, nor this shorter fetched than that; and the carriage of their bodies is like to a peacock turning round about and beholding himself: or to a swollen Turkey cock, ruffling all spread through a yard: the state they observe is like an other jupiter upon his golden throne, amidst all the other gods: their motion resembleth a wagtails going upon the ground, the majesty of their gate, is like to that of a Romagna goose when she goes through the barn yard; the glearing of their eyes is like to a cat, when she glicketh herself: their standing still, is like to a swollen toad, when she lies still beaking upon the earth: his speech makes more haste than an Ant, when he is better laden then usually: and to conclude, all his actions are so affected and full of ostentation, that a more strange or odious thing then these glorious fools cannot be met withal: Among vainglorious fools the ancient Aruenians are by writers numbered, who as divers report, vaunted themselves to be borne of the Trojan race; and therefore they called themselves brothers to the romans, Lucan speaking of them in his first book: 
Th' Aruenians that themselves durst brothers fain  
To Latians, that of Trojan race remain.  And like unto these was one Murrhanus, not he that makes oil jars, but an other, of whom Virgil speaketh in the twelfth of his Aeneides saying: 
Murrhanus who with lofty words sets forth 
Virgil.   
The titles of his ancestors great worth.  Among other examples of glorious fools, ancient writers place this of Misenus Aeneas his trumpeter, who held himself so singular in that profession, as that he durst challenge the marine gods or Tritones, to sound with him: as also those of Martia, who provoked Apollo to the self same conflict: Thamir is a Thracian, who was so bold as to thrust herself in amongst the Muses to sing; and together with these that of Nn, who would needs contend with Minerva for weaving of wool: but last of all that of Cassiope daughter to Cepheus, who would be preferred before the Nereids: as likewise Niobe would have been before Latona, Antigona the daughter of Laomedon, before juno; and Lychion Deucalion's daughter before Diana: and in truth the tribe of glorious, & many-asses is greater than the rest, because in all times we have seen trial, that the brain hath boiled more on this, than any other side: what shall we say of that inhuman Remulus, who attributing too much unto himself, and over highly pleased in his own valour, condemned the Troyans' besieged in Italy, of effeminacy and cowardice, Virgil relating these proud words of him: 
Before them all, most sturdy he and proud  
Went thundering out, unworthy words always  
Vaunting himself, with clamours, shrill and loud: 
Cornelius Tacitus.   What may be thought of that Martus, one of the basest crew of the Boëtian people, who was so bold as to make himself a god? What of Appion the grammarian, who undoubtedly promised him immortality, to whom he did but dedicate any of his works? Menecrates the physician also, was beyond all measure glorious, who was never wont to take any reward for such patients as he cured, but requested this only at their hands, that they would call themselves his humble servants, and term him an other jupiter: Nestorius the heretic was also one of this number, for in an oration that he made to the people of Constantinople, he soothed himself so greatly, that the next day following he promised heaven to every one of them: And Rhemnius Palemon the grammarian or Pedant, is not far different from these, he being wont to glory, that learning was borne and came into the world with him, as also with him it was like to perish. But why do I pass over Paulus Samosatenus, who went through the market places, streets, and highways, vaunting publicly of his learning, and caused whatsoever came first into his mouth to be set down in writing by certain registers? As also why do I conceal the Emperor Domitian, who delighted in nothing more than this, to be called a great Lord, and God? wherefore Eusebius saith, Domitian first commanded that himself should be called a Lord and God; and a certain flattering Poet made of him these verses: 
The Edict of our Lord and God,  
Which doth alliudgements ratify.  And to what end omit I the Prince Caius Caesar, who made an Edict, that he might be numbered among the gods, and that Statues should be erected unto him in the name of the greatest jupiter? Neither will I forget Themison Cyprian, who would needs be called Hercules, have incense offered unto him, & be celebrated with divine praises like unto him. And what shall I further say of Nero, who greedy of eternal fame, would in any wise have the month of April called Neronea, and ordained (as Suetonius writeth) that the city of Rome should be called Nerapolis? Alexander Macedon in 
Suetonius.  this respect may also be recounted amongst glorious Fools for one, he taking wonderful delight to be termed the son of jupiter Hammon. Salomoneus made many fictions of celestial thunder and lightning by mean of Mathematical discipline, to no other end, but to obtain the title of a god. Varro Pergeus corrupted by flatterers words was easily persuaded, that himself was the goodliest man in the world, and that he sung more divinely and sweetly then the Muses themselves. Hanno the Carthaginian was accustomed to take birds, whom he taught to pronounce these words, Hanno is a god. Sellus was a certain poor vain glorious Dolt, who concealed his own poverty, as much as was possible, extremely desiring for a worldly glory, to be reputed rich. Herostratus a vain glorious Fool in conceit (by report of Aulus Gellius) burned all the Temple of 
Aulus Gellius.  Diana Ephesian, only to obtain an immortal fame in the world for the same: and to conclude, Empedocles Agrigentine being a Fool, one degree above all others, threw himself headlong into the flames of mount Aetna, to the end that men might undoubtedly think, how he was flown up into heaven. In our days also this number of Fools is so augmented, as there is no place so little, wherein a great company of them may not be seen. Out of all doubt the example of that vain glorious Tuscan like another Thraso in these our days is 
Modern examples.  very rare, who being demanded by certain pleasant companions, why, upon an occasion he laid not about him, said, the reason was, because he knew himself to have so heavy and weighty a hand, as wheresoever it lighted, presently it killed. And that other of Valentino of Castle Saint Pietro is no less pleasant, who having had a box on the ear given him in the public market place, by a certain host, wentbraving and laughing away, using these words: This man came upon me with a flat box on the ear, because he durst not strike me with his fist, for I tell you if he had struck me close fisted, woe had been to him, for I would have come upon his nose with such another, as should have sent him to God or the Devil. Now Fools of this order, have their Cell in the Hospital, which before the gate thereof hath set forth the image of juno, to whom originally they are recommended, and upon whom in favour of them, with this subscribed supplication, I do humbly call.  

A supplication to goddess juno, for vainglorious Fools.  
O Thou greatest of the Goddesses, Queen of heaven, sister and playfellow to high jupiter, amongst all the godheads most glorious, even as the sun is of greatest glory among the planets, have that care I beseech thee of these vain glorious, as standeth fittest with thy deity: And once again I entreat thee by these glorious impositions and titles, first of Saturnia, because thou wert the daughter of Saturnus; of Aeria, in that thou rulest over the air; of goddess Guretis, because thouridest in a chariot with a spear in thy hand; of Lucina and Lucesia, in that thou givest light to him that is borne; of Socigena, because thou joinest in matrimony the female with the male; of Fuga, Populonia, Domiduca, Iterduca, and Vnxia, for that men employed about all such affairs, are to thee recommended, and under the shadow of thy wings preserved and defended: Thou art yet further that Opigena, who assistest woman great with child: that Februale, or Februata, which by monthly issue purgest feminine sex; that Fluonia, who hast power to restrain the menstruous blood of women, while they conceive: wherefore among so many helps adjoined to thy power, assist also these vain fools: be unto them with thy name and power so propitious; as besides the goodly church which thou hast in the Lacinian promontory, by mean whereof thou art called Lacinia; besides the chapel which thou hast in a city of the Argives called Prosymna, and whereupon they term thee Prosymnia; and besides the altar which the Hetruscians made unto thee in the Marquisate of Ancona, through which thou art called Cupra; thou mayest also see in this Hospital a temple erected to thy name, by mean of which thou mayst also be Hospitalaria, even as thy husband is called jupiter Hospitalis, and thus to the titles of Pelasgan, goddess Moneta, Castrensis, Caprotina, Sospita, and Calendaris, thou mayst add this other of Gloriosa, for having succoured importantly so great a squadron of vainglorious fools, who vow, for this aid received at thy hands, to erect unto thee a tower higher than that of Cremona, where tapers may continually be light and burn, to make manifest to the whole world the glory of juno, in this one action made more renowned then in any other precedent, or former operation.    

Of parasitical or scoffing Fools: the sixteenth discourse.  
IT is not in a manner convenient, that these whom we call Parasitical or counterfeit Fools, should have place in the Hospital of our Incurables, in that they not being really Foolish in mind, as the others are, have little to do in this assembly, but it seemeth that they should rather be placed in the number of the wise, sage Cato affirming that, 
Cato.  
Stultitiam simulare loco, prudentia summa est.  
To play the Fool in time and place is greatest wisdom sure.  And hereupon cometh it that so much is attributed to the wisdom of Meson the ginger, who foreseeing the future calamity which was like to light on his countrymen the Athenians in an expedition they undertook against the Sicilians, feigned himself to be a Fool, for that he would not be present with them at so great an overthrow. As also in like manner we read of Ulysses, who because he would not have gone to the Trojan war, he sowed salt like a natural Fool, and yoking together divers and sundry beasts to the plough, he made all men wonder at his sudden madness, but only Palamedes, who discovered him by laying his young son amongst the furrows, whom the subtle Greek prudently shunning, he by this act manifested that he was well in his wits, and no Fool at all. But because there be some that otherwhiles play the Fools in jest, with that little folly they have in their heads, it being a manifest sign of folly, to play the Fool for no purpose at all, to give other men contentment, by such men I say, we only mean it, when in this our Hospital we place Parasitical or counterfeit Fools. And there is no doubt but that amongst these men, we may well reckon that Gallus Vibius named by Caelius, in the sixth book of his ancient lectures the five and thirty chapter, who many times feigning himself to be a Fool, and jesting in this manner, at last he came to be so in good earnest, growing a stark natural Fool, to the end that whereas he scoffed and deluded others, for chastisement of his folly, he might at last remain derided and flouted himself. In our days one Garbinello hath a notable grace in playing of the fool, who as in representing a poor Padoan country man, a Magnifico, or some doddipoule Doctor Gratian he hath no fellow; so in this other kind of dissimulation, exceedeth he all others, for whosoever heareth or seeth him, by actions, gestures, and words, judgeth him to be no other than a natural Foole. In this point Pedretto of Moiano one like the other, showed himself a gallant fellow: for when the Venetian Signiors, upon important occasions, pressing ordinary galliots or sailors in their state, would also have commanded this man to go, although he shunned not to be in the galleys with many others, yet to give some recreation to certain gentlemen his friends, with whom he had compacted, he appeared one day appareled after the sailors fashion with a chain at his leg before the Captain of these companies, and with an oar in his hand he began a little of himself to row and sing at the oars as they do, and afterwards taking the whistle in his hand which they use in galleys, he made an excellent call therewith as could be devised: after this having a sack full of biscuit before him, he began to distribute it amongst the company, and carried the Captain a great piece of it, saying how that, and an head of Garlic, made a gossips feast a shipboard: and at last taking a Turkish scimitar, and drawing it amongst the company, he began to cry out allai, allai maumeth russelai, which importeth as much, as God and great Mahumet, and began to flourish therewith against the wind; sometimes striking here, sometimes there, while at the last all sweaty, and weary, every one beholding him, he fell down as dead, wrapping himself in a mariners rug, and calling a notary to set down his last will and testament, wherein leaving some thing to every one, he said, that he bequeathed to the Captain of the company a great lubber and knave to be buried, and that being a mariner, he would be interred in no other place, then in the galley-pump, because that was the most convenient grave for his knaveship; and while (he dissembling himself to be dead) they would have carried him away, he leaps me up of a sudden, and said to the Captain: signor Captain, I assure you, that among all the sailors you have pressed, there is not a worser than myself, wherefore dismiss me at this time (for God's sake) if you will not have your galley to carry the worst name of any that belongeth to the Signora; for which cause the Captain smiling, and taking great pleasure in this conceit, he was for this time content to remit him, seeing he had counterfeited the Fool so cunningly, and gave him moreover a mocenigo, or piece of gold 
So called of ent Mocenigo their Duke, in whose days they were coined.  about a ducat in value, saying, pray to God that though at this time you scape the galleys, you light not hereafter upon the gallows. Now these be Fools, that in the Hospital maintain for ensign before their Cell the image of Mercury, as the god of all knaves, and crafty jacks like to themselves, to whom for this consideration, I direct the petition ensuing, instigating him to the protection of such like people.  

A supplication to god Mercury, for parasitical and counterfeit Fools.  
Look what help is to be looked for, from the son of jupiter and Cyllena, is expected from thee concerning these Fools, O thou great interpreter of the gods, because these be properly they that conform themselves so jump with thy genius and humour, as that they seem to all the world thy cousin germans. These (as thou seest) be dissemblers, and thyself the god of deceit, being he who with such notable cozenage didst steal away Apollo his kine, from Argos their herdsman. But if this suffice not to move thee, why then by the famous and honourable titles which thou obtainest of Poets, & first of Hermetes, that is expounder of words, of Camillus that is a servant or nuntio, thou being highest jupiter his messenger, of Alipedes, for the wings thou hast at thy legs as the celestial Pursuivant of Manigena, for that thou wert borne of Maia the daughter of Athlantes, of Arcades, because thou wert brought forth in Arcadia, of Cyllenius, in that thou wert borne on mount Cyllena, of Lygius, Agryphon, and Nomius; all of them with vehement entreaties beseech thee, to have that care of them, which to so great a God appertaineth, & seemeth but correspondent to so fervent & effectual recommendations. And the more to provoke thee to this charitable enterprise, they set before thy eyes so many of thy performed honourable actions, as to have been the inventor of the Harp, of wrestling, of merchandise, and of Rhetoric; to have first instructed the Egyptians in good letters; freed Mars out of prison, and bound Prometheus in mount Caucasus, causing him to be torn into mammocks by vultures: and they beseech thee by these famous former exploits, that it would please thee to add thereunto the wise and valiant defence of this kind of fools: The which if thou shalt execute, expect without any delay, before thy image in the Temple of the Phoenicians, the oblation of a Fox's skin, which will be an offering much conformable both to them and thyself.    

Of lunatical and Fools by season: the seventeenth discourse.  
THere are but few that know not these kind of fools by their name only, whom at this present we term lunatical or fools by season, who because they are not continually vexed with this fury but only sometimes, and with certain intermission, have obtained the imposition or name of lunatics, they appearing mutable in this infirmity of their folly like the moon: or rather because this kind of madness is proper and peculiar to those, that are borne in the eclipse; or else in that in the waning or increase of the moon, and according to the divers alterations of it, this infirmity sometimes greatly aboundeth, and otherwhiles also hath his force exceedingly abated. Wherefore julius Firmicus in the fourth book of his Mathematics saith; Et siluna male fuerit 
juilio Firmicus  collocata, aut spasticos, aut lunaticos, aut caducos facit: which is, If the moon be evil placed, either it maketh men ecstatical, lunatic, or subject to the kings evil. For this kind of argument I may produce the examples of Nicoletto of Francolino, and Lorenzino of Chioggia, of which the first, upon the new moon, would enter sometimes into an humour that he was become a lobster, hunting out all the nearest waters and brooks whereinto to leap: and an otherwhile, that he was turned into a dead man, putting a couple of tender horns upon his own head, the better to imitate his form and condition: then that he was a leek, or a young garlic blade, and thus ran among the Herbagers crying out; who will buy fine salad or herbage: an other time that he was grown a sausage, or dried flitch of bacon, shunning the larderers more than the pestilence itself, for fear they should have offered him some indignity. The other upon the waning of the moon, shed likewise a great part of his wits or brain; for he would run naked through the market places, discovering all his privy parts: and other whiles all hampered with a great wicker basket, he went through the market place, justling all those he met withal; but many times altogether distracted, he would lay at men with staves & stones, and sometimes (being a matter exceedingly worth the laughing at) he would dispel himself upon the naked buttocks, with a neats garbage, running after the boys, with the filthy and stinking bowels, and casting them at those that came about him, like a company of birds about a madge-howlet. Santino of Pietra-mala, was also lunatic, and being possessed with this indisposition of the brain, one day upon the full of the moon he played many fond parts worthy the laughing at, and among others, this one is reported of; that lighting on a tavern or tippling house, which had a laurel garland hanging out for a sign, he put the same garland on his own head, and began to say that he was a Poet, singing whatsoever came first into his mind, where a company of people being gathered about him, and perceiving by chance an harlot whose name was Diana, in the Poetical fury which then took him in the head, singing he uttered of her these verses: 
Look on that whipper Digennie I say  
That calls herself Diana,  
Ugly, deformed foul, and filthy  
Like a rammish goat, an ape or a monkey:  And beholding else where a certain appendent, he sung of him these verses following: 
You sir, who teacheth young men to be nought,  
Shall be for a Corydon taken and thought.  Among these lunatics we may also put Menegone of Olmo, who thus in the moons waning, tottering in brain, went up and down the ditches to gather roots, bringing many times bundles of nettles and wild thistles into the market place, minding to fallen this baggage in steed of wholesome roots; sometimes he went a fishing for frogs, and filled a trey full of toads, which he knew not: and otherwhiles also playing the Tinker, he went crying up & down the country all black as a coal, who hath any candlesticks, dishes, kettles or pans to mend; neither was he like a tinker in any thing, but only the smear, and collow of his beard, with a greasy sack on his shoulder, which for this purpose he carried about with him. These be therefore those kind of lunatics we have hitherto spoken of, who within the Hospital have hanging out before the door of their Cell for a sign, the goddess Hecate, whom as their favourite, according to our accustomed manner, we will with this petition under written salute.  

A petition to goddess Hecate, for Fools lunatical or by season.  
BE thou always blessed, and with infinite commendations set forth, O thou gentle daughter of Latona, sister to god Apollo, deservedly termed Hecate, because thou procurest that the ghosts and unburied walk abroad an hundredth years without rest or quiet, through whose power in like sort these poor fools err in their wits, whom we call lunatic, vouchsafe cheerfully to power down thy benign influence upon this weak fraternity, which they daily expect from thee with so great desire, O thou three-form goddess. Secure I beseech thee, this thy weak and wavering flock, for when thy help shall appear so ready at hand, for such dear friends, there shall incontinently in like manner in three solemn temples which thou hast, one in Perga a city of Pamphilia, another in Ephesus, and the third in Persian Tauris, be erected to thy honour, as most noble Trophies, three Turkish ancients, with the Ottomans crest in the midst, which will evidently possess all men of the good thou hast done them, and of the evil which by thy grace and favour, thou hast removed and taken from these.    

Of carpet and amorous Fools: the eighteen discourse.  
NOw would it be requisite that we had the knowledge and practise together of as many amorous accidents, as have fallen out both in the old, and this our present age, that we might describe with convenient solemnity, all the fopperies of lovers, they being manifest causes of a thousand other follies, which from this stock as from their beginning, drawing their original and essence, cause their life not only to appear, but really and in effect to be the strangest and maddest race, that may be imagined. This folly seemeth principally to be rooted, in thoughts, desires, conceits, resolutions, words, gestures, signs, and actions, all of which linking themselves together, make a man in cases of love so foolish, that the argument hereof exceedeth any other subject I have before spoken of: with fond thoughts the foolish lover goeth about to make castles in the air of himself, imagining daily, which is the breefest and speediest mean to accomplish his incontinencies, which hourly maketh him unquiet, troubled, afflicted in mind, and passionate out of measure. From hence cometh it, that he ruminates on treasures, riches, states, dominions, empires, and power, as the readiest ways whereby to compass the thing beloved: and with these apprehensions he joineth a desire of Croesus' wealth, the gold of Media, Caesar's power, and the Emperor Commodus his means: and hereupon he thinketh on incantations, witcheries, drugs, and all kind of Magic practice, desiring with the stone Gyges to become invisible, or the herb Eliotropia, to obtain the secrets of Peter of Abano, or those of Ciecco d'Ascoli, or the other of Antonio di Fantis to know how to put in practice Salomon's key; and with conjuration to command spirits: of one side he strives after Alchemy, which enriching him with gold and silver enough, may by this means possess him likewise of his love; on the other side he betaketh himself to deceitful Cabalistry, which by virtue of unknown names, can dispose of his mistress, to his own mind: and thus expatiating amidst a thousand imaginations, how to find out bawds, panders, servants, brokeresses, or some old nurse factoress, to write letters, conceits, sonnets, madrigals and songs; to send flowers, nosegays, newyears gifts, presents, and bounties, and to set down by himself in effectual words his endured amorous servitude, he goeth by little and little in this manner, extenuating his wit, and consuming his judgement and understanding in these fantasies. Amidst these his foolish desires, he coveteth to be a flea, a fly, or an aunt, that by this means he might enter into the chamber of his beloved: he contendeth to mine under the earth as coneys do; for the self same effect he hungereth after all kind of greatness, beauty, parts, & favour, that above all the world he may know how to be in her grace, and (which is worst) he would that both life and death should serve his turn at an instant. In conceit he frameth amorous devices, witty and excellent emblems, sweet and smooth falling rhythms, sententious censures, artificial sayings, ingenious stratagems: and thus hammereth he in his mind both night and day, about whatsoever he thinketh in the end may procure him any assistance; with resolution he determineth to attend the conclusion, and to be firm in his intentions, resolving with himself no more to endure, nor any longer to suffer torment and grief; but mark what he saith, determineth and resolveth; for by and by he affronteth her with words, and courteth her sometimes bitterly, otherwhiles sweetly, and then in mediocrity: with his gestures he seeketh to move her to compassion, crossing his arms with an high-ho, and if he be cunning in his motions, and actions, he will make her even ready to kill herself with compassion: to conclude, his carriage is such, that beasts themselves are sometimes wiser and more prudent than one of these amorous fools: for an only example of these amorous Fools Romain Mark Antony is set down, who besotted with the love of Cleopatra Queen of Egypt, lost for her only cause both his empire, life, and honour. That of Pyramid and Thisbe entangled one with an others love, can not be concealed, who one for the other miserably died: whereupon Strozzapadre in these verses following celebrateth their 
Strozzapadre.  death: 
Of Pyramid and Thesbie, example we may make,  
Whom cruel death unto himself, by equal means did take:  And Calentius in his Epigrams writeth of them: 
Calentius.  
Pyramid and Thisbies' love, was most unfeigned sure:  
For both of them with proper hand, did meek their deaths endure.  The example also of Hercules is most famous, who juiled in the affection he bore to Omphale Queen of the Lydians, he was brought for her love to apparel himself like a girl, and spin amongst damosels and young maids as a woman: wherefore in the Poet Propertius he thus debateth with himself: 
Propertius.  
In long side gown, I Lydian webs did spin:  
This servile function following every day,  
My breast was covered with a partlet thin:  
And with these hands I could the girl well play.  And even so in like manner is that of Theban Hemon, a notable example, who for love killed himself before the tomb of Antigona, the daughter of Oedipus and jocasta: as also that of Sapph, who threw herself headlong from the Leucadian promontory for Phao's sake: whereupon Angelus Politianus in his Elegies writeth of her: 
Angelus Politianus.  
Sapph Virago, who in death did oft exclaim,  
Of love: both honour, to Leucadian sea and blame:  That of Phedra who hanged herself for love of Hippolytus, Ausonius saying of her, I have persuaded what I can, try now some other: tell me whom: marry let 
Ausonius.  Phedra or Elisa give thee an halter, or a sword: That of Didoe, who cast herself into the burning flame for Aeneas his love, whereupon Silius Italicus saith, 
Deep wounded Dido stands upon the burning pile, 
Silius.   
Commanding future Tyrians war to make:  
The treacher Trojan he, to mid-seas gets the while,  
And spreading sail the shore doth now for sake:  And last of all, that of Phillides daughter to Lycurgus, king of Thrace, who hanged herself upon a beam for love of Demophoon son to Theseus, whose death is by Pamphilus Sassus described in these verses following: 
Pamphilus Sassus.  
Phillis to me, of death, a noble pattern gives,  
Hanged was her body, yet her living fame survives.  Was not that folly of Aristoteles very great, who offered incense to a concubine he had, as to a goddess: as also that of Nero, who married himself to Sporo a young boy, and Doriphoro his freeman? with that of Periander Corinthian, who according to Herodotus, lay 
Herodotus.  with the harlot Melissa, when she was dead? Is not this of Semiramis a wonderful example of Folly, who according to Caelius in his thirty seventh book, and justine 
Caelius. justine.  in his first, grew foolishly enamoured with a Bull? Of the shepherd Crathis, who as Volterran affirmeth, was 
Volterran.  taken with the love of a she-goat? This of Aristophanes Ephesian, who according to Plutarch in his Parallels, 
Plutarch.  was besotted with a female ass? Of Fuluius Romanus, who by the same Author's testimony, exceedingly affected a mare, by whom he had a daughter called Hippona? Of Cyparisso that fell in love with a do? Of Pygmalion and Alchiades Rhodian, who were each of them affected with the love of a dumb Statue? And last of all, of Serses, who sincerely loved one Platano? Of latter days Galleazzo Mantuano (as Pontanus reporteth) being 
Pontanus.  nuzzled in fancy with a Pavian girl, at her commandment, when in jest she bade him go drown himself, cast himself foolishly into the river Tesinus. And yet of fresher memory, Tiron Milanese, overgone with the love of a fish in a Pond, which he termed ill Gobbo, or the bunch-backed, it having been eaten by certain good fellows, remained many days afflicted out of measure for this loss; neither could he any ways be comforted, he always thinking that the death of his fish Gobbo, would likewise draw speedily after it his own life. These be therefore amorous Fools, recommended to God Cupid his protection, whom to this end, in their behalf, we affectionately solicit with this invocation following.  

An invocation to god Cupid for amorous Fools.  
GOD save thee fair winged child, all hail most gentle son of Venus, live for ever thou most excellent quivered Archer, and yet once more Vive, thou discreet warrior in the Marshal enterprises of Love: All these Fools taken in thy net, catched with thy bait, and in thy prison captivated, as humble subjects of thy dominion and Empire, they with all humble submission entreat thee, that thou wouldst be touched with their torments, and have that commiseration of their tribulations and grief, which in so tender and effeminate a god as thou art, is not only thought requisite, but even proper, and every way pertinent to thy deity. Remove thy snares, take away thy hooks, put up thy arrows, lay aside thy bow, & show thyself unto them naked, & disarmed, to the end they may not be afraid of those weapons, wherewith sometimes offended, they have sufficiently proved what hurt they carry with them. The which thing if thou shalt vouchsafe to effect, in that notable Temple thou enjoyest in the island of Cyprus, they promise to offer a great piece of flintstone, without the steel to strike fire withal, to show that thy flames be quenched, and that fire smothered up, which when it bursteth forth, miserably consumeth every ones heart.    

Of desperate Fools: the nineteenth discourse.  
THere be certain accidents which sometimes happen unto men, through which it cometh to pass, that one being moved by the bitterness of such effects, he falleth into so great desperation, as losing all sense and understanding, he giveth himself wholly over, as a pray to grief, and so far yieldeth to his afflicted and tormented mind, as the heaviness of such a mischance foolishly and fond urgeth and inciteth him thereunto: and through this malignant effect, he obtaineth amongst men the title of a desperate Foole. For this kind of passion is questionless a plain madness in such like men, who not being able to endure crosses, hasten after an end of the same, altogether unworthy of one wise, or that knoweth how to govern himself. Of this kind of argument, the first example which cometh to my mind, is that of Luctus Sillanus, son in law to Claudius the Emperor, who for that he was deprived of his wife Octavia she being given to Nero, was suddenly oppressed with so great anguish of mind, that the very day of her marriage, the more to make him be envied (as Cornelius Tacitus affirmeth) with his own poniard he killed 
Cornelius Tacitus.  himself. The second example is of Silius Italicus, a famous Poet, of whom Angelus Politianus recounteth 
Angelus Politianus.  in his book Nutricia, that being surprised with an incurable disease, he grew into such a loathing of himself, as that being desperate, he ended his own days: and these be the verses of him: 
He died old, and did survive his son:  
By his own hand, this cruel deed was done.  In the Roman Chronicles we read of Marcus Portius Latro, who overcome with the great molestation of a double quartain, laid himself his own hands on his back, and willingly gave up the ghost. We find written in Ovid of Sardanapalus King of the Assyrians, that being vexed with a grievous war, when he saw his affairs go quite backward, he threw himself desperately upon a burning pile of wood, and in that fire most miserably died, and these be Ovid verses: 
These bodies dear thou mayst commit unto the fire, 
ovid.   
A death which Sardanapalus did desperately desire.  Biondus and Corius make mention of Ezelino the tyrant of Padua, that being wounded in one of the battles he 
Biondus. Corius.  fought with Martin Turriano, prince of Mylane, like a mad beast he unbound and tore open his wound, giving up his life as one desperate, and who as it seemed was borne only to the damage and ruin of humane kind. Caelius reciteth this notable folly of one Timantes Cleoneus, by profession a champion, who not being 
Caelius.  able through old age, and partly for want of use, to draw a bow, which a certain young man easily wielded, entered upon this into such choler, that being desperate, with a knife he killed himself. Divine Ariosto in fair 
Ariosto.  Bradamante, describeth an humour much of this kind, yet differing from another spirit, instantly stripped of all reason and sense, in that Stanza which beginneth thus: 
She saying thus, and eke prepared to die,  
Leapt out of bed, with fury all inflamed,  
Putting her sword, on left side by and by.  With that which followeth: In these our days that desperate folly reported by Cecco of Brisselli, is questionless very ridiculous, who having in the heat of summer a mighty strong itch, he suffered likewise as great a disturbance, by a swarm of flies, as in such cases it oftentimes happeneth, and so great was the molestation which he received from them, as not being able to shake them off, of his nose, forehead, or hands, nor from the nape of his neck, which was all candied, like a most desperate man, he one day threw himself into a tub of honey, saying: I hope you will remain here catched and taken by the heels, and afterwards leaving the tub, he might perceive those shameless creatures, to be clotted all of a cluster within the barrel to his singular contentment. But now on the other side list a while: for at the smell of the honey, there came a most irksome swarm of bees and wasps, by whose buzzing and stinging he being sore vexed, entered into such a rage by this second assault, as appareling himself from hand to foot, like to a man complete armed with his beaver down, he went and sat in the sun, saying: now hum and bum, as long as you will, for in despite of flies, and all the bees and wasps in the world, I will keep this my scaled itch to myself: but an infinite army of these creatures fluttering about him, at the only odour and smell of his corruption, in the end, not being able to behold himself thus besieged, he grew desperate, and cast himself into a cauldron of hot scalding lee, saying; and you love honey so well, as it seemeth you do, come hither a gods name and fasten upon me. This sort therefore before spoken of, be desperate fools, who have within the Hospital for an ensign the picture of the goddess Venilia, wherefore as their protectress let us with due prayers and entreaty, solicit her in their behalf.  

A supplication to goddess Venilia for desperate Fools.  
O Thou which replenishest men's minds with hope, comfortest with sage meditation the disconsolate, restorest wearied spirits to true & unfeigned alacrity, & therefore by all the afflicted art sedulously called upon, while others thus groan under their burden, and that thou seest the terrible extremities and heart burnings of these fools, procure that thy merciful heart may be touched with such commiseration, as that thou causing thyself to be known for goddess Venilia, mother and guardian of the desperate, these men may thus by thy favour, be as it were raised from death to life; for when they shall perceive their wandering and lost spirits recovered, together with their dried up blood, and colour won revived, they shall in a pleasant bond and duty, be obliged to fasten up in thy temple a hangman's collar, with an old rotten halter, as a true sign, that by thy favour they have escaped death, and that from desperate estate, they are reduced to an assured hope of future life.    

Of heteroclite, reverse, thwart, and headstrong Fools: the twentieth discourse.  
THere be certain fantastical men in the world, who by no means can be persuaded, either to equity, honesty, or truth: observing in their operations, neither rule, order, or mediocrity, but are of a spirit cross & reverse, not yielding to duty, consenting to right, nor conformable to so much as very reason would require; but are altogether out of the way, & beyond measure far wide of the true path: which humours are continually termed by the name of heteroclite, reverse, thwart, & headstrong fools. Of this humour that Perseus subdued by Paulus Aemilius showed himself: for two of his domestical and familiar acquaintance, being desirous friendly to comfort him after his loss, he entered upon this into such an ecstasy, that like a beast as he was, against all the reason in the world, he commanded that in his presence they should presently be slain. Atheneus reporteth of 
Atheneus.  Eurylochus the Philosopher, who was an auditor of Pyrrhus Eliensis, that he was a right headstrong fool indeed, for upon a small occasion he would sometimes grow into such choler, as that he pursued once a cook of his that fled before him even into the market place, running after him with the broach, and roasted meat upon it all piping hot. divers setdowne this wonderful matter of Commodus the Emperor, that finding once the bath lukewarm wherein he meant to wash himself, in a mighty rage, he caused the stove master to be cast into an hot burning furnace, to the end that while he was in this tepid, or lukewarm bath, the other might quite contrary feel that excessive heat, which his despiteful fury imposed upon him. Sansovino writeth of Mahumet 
Sansovino.  Ottoman, that going through a garden, and by chance perceiving two fair cucumbers that had been plucked up, laying this fault upon two goodly young men of excellent presence and form (whom notwithstanding he used as ganimedes) although they denied the fact, yet did he cruelly at the same instant cause them both to be slain. Philagrus the sophister, one of Lullianus his auditors, was also of so heteroclite and perverse an inclination, that if his disciples chanced but sometimes of mere necessity to fall a sleep in the school, he no ways bearing with their imbecility, would lay his fists upon their faces, spurning hard against their bellies, without having any compassion in the world, even to nature itself in this point. It is an evident matter which Biondus writeth of Vedius Pollio, who was an 
Biondus.  headstrong fool, in all he went about, for those servitors which at the table had by chance but broken one of the least glasses there were, he would suddenly as a man even mad with fury, command them to be slain, and given to certain murenas to feed upon, which he kept in a wonderful great fishpond that he had. Cherophon Athenian, a philosopher little known, was so notable a fool in this kind, that in talking of an exquisite fool, this proverb is used by Paulus Manutius: 
Paulus Manutius.  In Palladis vestigijs nihil Cherefontis gubernabis: In Palace her footsteps Cherefon can hardly tread. The only, example of this gog-fury is read in Corius, of 
Corius.  Barnabo the Visconte, who caused a poor baker to be slain, only, for that passing by a castle where he dwelled, he waked him sometimes in the night, in calling in with his bread: As also that other is very well known to the world, which he performed to two of the Pope's legates, whom he commanded to eat the letters they had about them, to bring unto him, only for a despite to that highest prelate, with whom he was then in enmity, touching matter of state: Neither can I omit the other which he performed to that parish priest (which for his avarice deserved notwithstanding great chastisement) who unwilling to bury a poor woman's husband for nothing, he made him together with the dead carcase to enter into the grave, that he might pay by this means for the public iniquity he had in thus doing committed. So that heteroclite, reverse, thwart, and head strong fools be such as we have described them unto you, and these have hanging before their Cell within the Hospital, the image of halting Vulcan, limping with his legs, as they do in their understanding, wherefore to a god correspondent to themselves, in this petition following, we very commodiously recommend them.  

A petition to god Vulcan for heteroclite, reverse, thwart, and headstrong Fools.  
WE beseech thee O thou great celestial blacksmith, minister of the great fire in mount Aetna, called Mulciber, because thou makest iron tractable & malleable: Vulcan for that thou makest thy flames ascend speedily upward: Cyllopodius, in that falling from heaven, by a disgrace thou becamest lame: Lemnius, because being cast out of heaven by thy mother, thou didst light in Lemnos, where by Eurymenes and Thet is thou wert nourished, or else peradventure by apes, as thou thyself knowest well; by that pity therefore which then was taken of thy disaster, charitably also assist these thy cozen germans, not lame in their legs, but in their understanding, as thou seest, and as thou didst temper Ioues thunderbolts, and knit the net for the taking of Venus and Mars: as thou madest Hermions' carcanet; Ariadne's crown; and the waggon of Sol; or as by thy hands in the Cyclopians forge, the arms of Achilles and Aeneas were tempered; even as likewise were Mambrinoes' helmet, Orlandoes Durindana, Rinaldoes Fusberta, the enchanted arms of Mandricard and Argiliaes' armour: even so settle the brains of these men after such a sort, as that in triumph they may have cause to hang up in thy shop a mighty huge dumpling of the Lumbard-size, which may serve in stead of a sign, of these men's brains thus resettled, & by thy means reduced to their right use & temper.    

Of scoffing Fools: the one and twentieth discourse.  
TAles, babbles, fables, I will not say wittily, but scoffingly related together with correspondent actions, gestures, and operations to the same, constitute those kind of men, whom we here call scoffing or jesting Fools, whose intent is no other, but to recreate and make merry the world, they retaining in their heads a disposition more than joviale, from whence inventions flow abundantly, and a thousand odd pranks they every day perform in presence of the multitude: as that Clisophus parasite to Philip K. of Macedonia, of whom Lynceus 
Lynceus Samius  Samius maketh mention in his commentaries, who perceiving that his master by chance had broken one of his legs, began likewise to go limping like him, and scoffingly wreathed his eyes, mouth and teeth, in eating any sharp sauces, imitating diligently and like an Ape, his Lord and master in every thing. Of Clarisophus also Dyonisius the Tyrant his jester, we find thus much written in Hegesander, that whensoever he saw his 
Hegesander.  master laugh a part with any nobleman or Baron, he would also giggle sound himself: so that one day Dyonisius observing this Sycophant, he asked him why he so laughed, to whom the Gnato answered, I laugh for this cause: In that I imagine those matters which pass betwixt you deserve no less, considering you yourselves so laugh at them, as you do. But above all M. Varro, & Galba make 
Marcus Varro. Galba.  mention of a certain base Tarentine scoffer, called Rhintone, who was another Cesco of our days, for in all matters, how weighty or serious soever they were, he had ever a scoff ready at the finger's end, which peradventure might well be mother or sister unto him: as also in this point, Sosicrates in his first book of the Cretan affairs, 
Sosicrates.  attributeth to the Phestians as a peculiar property, that they were scoffers, for from their childhood, they studied quick and stinging sayings, for the sharpening of their wits, which by such applications are greatly whetned. In ancient times, Mandiogenies and Strato Athenian, were famous Buffoons, as Hippolochus Macedon in an epistle which he writ to Lynceus testifieth, and 
Hippolochus.  so was Callimidon, Locusta, Dinia, and Menedemus, to whom Telefanes in his book of Cities saith, that 
Telefanes.  philip king of Macedonia writ, for their scoffing and pleasantiests, wherein he took extreme delight. Among others also Cassiodorus, by Sinopeus the Comical Poet, and Pantaleon by the Poet Theognes' in his lover, 
Sinopeus. Theognes'.  are magnified. These be they that sweep the courts of Princes and great men, who for the most part are greatly delighted with these kind of Fools, as sometimes Philip of Macedonia, who took in them such contentment, that as Atheneus writeth in the fourteenth of his 
Atheneus.  Gymnosophists he sent a talon of gold to certain parasites, which before we named, for their jests and sayings: Demetrius Poliorceta, as Philarcus writeth in the sixth 
Philarcus.  book of his Histories, was also so great a friend to scoffers, as that he could never have them an hour from his heels. The like Herodotus writeth of Amasina king 
Herodotus.  of Egypt, who desired more the company of jesters and Buffoons, then of those prudent and wise. But yet it is much, that Nicostratus ascribeth this very genius or 
Nicostratus.  humour to Roman Scylla, who otherwise was so grave and strict in all his proceedings. Of late days, one Gonella was a notable Buffoon, as likewise Carafalla; and yet of later memory Boccofresca the Padoan, who I am persuaded had never his equal for Buffonery, much less any superior: and he was so much the more an ingenious scoffer, by how much he would never once smile himself, though he made all the rest of the company almost burst with laughing: for he was not like the Tirinthians, so celebrated by Theophrastus, who being natural Buffoons borne, had on a time general recourse to the Oracle of Delphos, to know whether there were any means, for the recovery of this kind of Folly; to whom the Oracle made answer, that I, there was: so they could sacrifice a Bull to Neptune god of the sea without laughing, the which thing not being able to execute, they remained in the same state of Buffonery, as at the first. Yet scoffers and jesters are good in this one point, for they make men merry, and expel melancholy from the heart, neither do they eat their bread in treachery, as flatterers do, from whom proceedeth nothing but shame, and detriment together. Now these Fools have before their cell in the Hospital, an image of god Fabulanus erected as their friend and favourer: wherefore let it seem no marvel, though to him, who is protector of these frivolous chatterers, in this invocation following, we duly & fitly recommend them.  

A prayer to god Fabulanus, for scoffing Fools.  
THese men O God Fabulanus be true gnathoes, friends and affecters by life of thy name: for they neither think nor speak of any thing but fables and tales, which spring from thee, and inserted in them, take so deep root as that they show themselves to be the children and true offspring of God Fabulanus: and for this cause thy glorious godhead must needs have a care of thy dear friends, that are conversant with the kings and princes of the world, holding them in so tender esteem, as that it may be known, how without thy assistance, they could utter nothing savoury or gracious in any sort: Vouchsafe them therefore requisite protection, and so effect, that they may be stirred up to offer at thy altar, which thou hast amongst the Tirinthians, the tales of Piovan Arlotto, printed in parchment with text letters, to the end the gift and present which they offer, may aptly correspond with thee their courteous and bountiful benefactor.    

Of jovial, recreative, facete, and friendly Fools: the two and twentieth discourse.  
THese sorts may be discerned from mere parasites or buffoons in this point: for buffoons at all times without rule, mediocrity, or discretion, are ready to utter and perform all kind of licentious scurrility, but these facete companions, are not so extreme in their speech nor performance, observing further a decorum and decency in all their proceedings, their mirth also being far more moderate than that of buffoons, which surely is altogether scurrile and dissolute: These sort of men are for the most part stored with excellent pleasant quips, notable tales, recreative speeches, merry proverbs, and conceited inventions, manifesting even in their very exterior countenances towards all men, a certain domestical, friendly, sweet, affable, and tractable disposition. Marcus Tullius in an Epistle to his brother Quintus, declareth Sextus Nemus to be such an one; and in his second de Legibus, he setteth down the old Poet Aristophanes for one of facete dexterity. So Horatius in the first of his sermons, attributeth to Lucilius this jocund alacrity of spirit saying, 
Lucilius was both wise and civil sure,  
And excellent, the grief of mind to cure:  In these our modern times, Piovan Arlotto was reputed for a wonderful facete companion, whose sentences and sayings put in print, show the value of his wit in this kind of folly. There want not at this day in Rome, and the courts of great princes, divers fools of this sort: for more courtiers are conversant in this study, then in any other; it being a very convenient means, whereby to obtain the favour of princes, great ladies, and gentlewomen, who are sooner many times won with some cheerful and pleasant report, then with the long service those poor souls employ about them, for after due examination of their own errors, they oftentimes sing: O passions lost with thoughts both light & frail. And an example of this may be observed in one master Bernardine of Benevento, who serving in the court of a great Italian prince, obtained one day the favour of a most beautiful lady, only for this gentle and witty retortion: for she saying that it was very hot about his lodging; he wittily answered by way of admiration: How can that be fair lady, when from Benevento (which signifieth in Italian good wind) there can not come but fresh and fine cools! another courtier called master Andrew of Pomerano, while he served in the court of Francis the first king of France, with an excellent sudden invention, got himself the favour of his lord in an instant, for they being doubtful in the court, on what side Charles the fifth would assail the kingdom of France, and some saying about Marcelles, others in Navarra, and a third sort in Provence, one saying in one place, an other in an other; this man in presence of many, the king himself hearing it, said, how above all other places it was requisite to fortify Lingua d'occa, for Languedocke as the French term it, signifying in the Italian a goose tongue, because it was likely the ravenous eagle (for the eagle is the crest of the Empire) would sooner light there then any where else. And of master Nicholo d'Oruietto this other is mentioned, that serving in the court of Pope Leo, a most courteous prince, on a day, in four words only, he got his holiness favour for ever; for while on a time they were talking of a benefice vacant (this word sounding near Vacca in the Latin for a cow) it being sued for by one of the house of Vitelli (this coming near Vitulus in the same tongue for a he-calf, on whom it might have been bestowed) he wittily said: Holy father, all reason would that it should in any sort be given to Vitello, because she hath no nearer kindred than himself, playing upon the word Vacant, which cometh near Vacca, signifying a cow, which is mother to the calf. Now jocund fools of this sort, have a cell within the Hospital, which hath hanging out the picture of god Bacchus, particular patron of such like fools: wherefore as one to them most friendly, let us cheerfully with this under written petition salute him.  

A petition to god Bacchus for jovial, recreative, facete, and pleasant Fools.  
GOod day, and good year God send thee O father Liber, all the mirth of the world be with thee my dear and honey god; if thou wilt be caroused unto in Muscadel orbastard, O sweet Lyaeus, then preserve & maintain this pleasant fraternity or college consecrated to thee: Behold how they expect from thee that jocundity wherewith the Bachides were surprised, being enamoured with thee, when so willingly they followed thee to the fortunate enterprises of the Indies; from which victory returning, thou wert the first that in navale triumph (by thee invented) didst wear a kingly diadem, sitting upon the back of an Indian elephant; if therefore thou holdest thyself their friend, as hitherto ever thou hast done, according to the natural inclination which bendeth thee towards them, they will be content not only to call thee Bimatris, for having had miraculously two mothers in the world, Semele, and jove, Saturmiter, having been first in her belly, and then in this god's groin: to name thee Nyseus of Nisa Grotta, Anio of Aonia, Thiontis of Thione, Nictalius because thou art worshipped & honoured in the night, Mitrophorus, for wearing a mitre on thy head; Orcus, so called of an hill whereon thou art sacrificed unto, Bassareus of the long rob thou wearest down to the heel, Dithirambus, Leneus, Briseus, Osiris, and Bromius: But they will further attribute unto thee the Greek name of Eutropelus, because thou art a favourite to pleasant, facete, and recreative fools: and besides the Thirsus or writhed iaveline with ivy, which thou bearest in thy hand, they will join unto it a carousing glass of Romagna, with which thou mayst pledge, and do reason unto men, when by so good fellows as they are, thou art sought unto.    

Of testy and fustian Fools: the three and twentieth discourse.  
Testiness and fury, be fond effects that proceed from certain fantastical humours in their heads, whom we commonly call testy & fustian fools: & because this whole matter is nourished by choler, and humane inconstancy, it consisteth in nothing else but in sundry cogitations and actions, resolving itself in the end into a toy and humour, according as with such a passion it seemeth well befitting: and of such like disposition be all those that are prompt to anger, and then as easy to be pacified, wherefore the Poet Horace manifesteth himself a testy fool, when he saith; Irasci facilem, tantum ut placabilis essem; ready to be angry, only that I might assoon be pleased: And Ausonius the Poet, was also a froward fool, by his own 
Ausonius.  witness, he uttering these verses following of himself: 
I sought my sudden anger for to hide,  
And for my fury pain I did abide:  For this purpose Corthidis king of Thrace (if Caelius do not fable) knowing his own testy and froward nature, 
Caelius.  and how violent and headstrong himself was, one day when certain excellent well wrought cups or glasses were given him, he therefore esteeming greatly of them, yet considering they were but brittle, though precious, in deep judgement he broke them all: for if by chance they should have been broken by any of his followers or servants, it could not have been otherwise possible, but that in his great rage and fury, he would bitterly have revenged himself on them for the same. Of such a nature Rhodomont in divine Ariosto is set out to be, for as one furious and fell, he spoke evil in general of all women kind, when fair Doralice gave sentence against him; and yet afterwards at the sight only of Isabella, it seemed that he recanted, acknowledging no higher bliss, than her grace and favour. In these our days one Claudius of Salo, discovered himself to be very humorous and testy, who having an house in the country, which came to him by inheritance from his father, he determined on a time to reduce it all into form of a dove-house; not many days after being of another humour, that he would have it a castle, building it in such like form, with ditches and rampires round about in manner of a fortress; and presently it being finished, he changed humour again, and caused it to be plucked down even to the very foundations, planting in the very same place, a pretty young set of Orange-trees; which being come to a reasonable growth, in a capricious toy, he also procured them all on a day to be rooted up, saying, it were much better to have it a field of Coleworts; and thus in the end his house came to be a garden of Cabbages. The fantastical humour of one Zanfardino in our time is also most notable, who being called to a dignity, at such time when Cuckoos were esteemed for Parrots (although at this present also, we may observe some master like discipline to proceed from his successors) being in his kingdom installed, he began to sell herds of cattle & buy geese, supplanting his gardens, & making them greene's for these creatures to graze upon; alleging for a reason of this his wayward fantasticality, that from geese came feathers, wherewith to make bolsters and beds, whereof he then had greater need than of flesh, fruits or cheese. There is another by the common multitude called Scarinzo, who of no less a peevish inconstancy than the rest, cut up a goodly and commodious set of vines, only to make a vain prospective, for his own foolish contentment; and when he had nothing to do, he would pluck down an Ajax, and make a fishpond in the place; supplant an orchard to make a fair walking green, or else deface some goodly cloister or gallery to make room for tame coneys. But above all perverse humours, that of Piacentino is most famous, who cast good pistolets or ducats into the water, to make ducks and drakes with them, as children use to do: and so great was the foppery which transported him, as he perceived not the damage he received by the elvish arrogancy of his own brain. And niddicock upon coxcomb was that other Cremonese, who putting on the Toga Pratexta, or long rob of a doctor, hearing one day a drum that played but badly upon this instrument, he steps me down from his chair of dignity, and taking the drum in his hand, brased it hard, and in succinct and grave habit, went sounding of it into the market place, drawing after him all the whole Fry of boys, every one gazing at him with so great laughter at his folly, that all men were ready therewith to burst. And yet this other performed by one surnamed Moscovita, was far more solemn and famous, who being to make a funeral Oration to the commonalty of Bracciano, upon the death of a certain Doctor, skipping up in all haste into the pulpit, and being complete armed, putting his spear in his rest, with a thundering voice he uttered these words: Whosoever dare be so bold, to affirm that this Doctor died well, or that the destinies with any reason cut off the thread of his life, I challenge him to fight with me, and with my lance in my hand, in this pulpit I will die upon him. For entertainment of the vulgar sort, I will only declare unto you this other; that there was one Nicolo of Mount Frustone, who was with so great and perverse peevishness replenished, as that being one day upon the bank side of Poe, he loosed one of those water mills that stand fast chained together upon the river while the miller was out of the way, and the mill making fair & good way, he followed it in aboate of Stellata, as far as Francolino, where he did drive it a shore all broken and defaced: and here he took order, that there should be a great ditch made to bury it in, waging twelve old beadswomen that should mourn for it, as they do for the dead, and utter these words: O poor mill mine, buried here at Francoline, what didst thou to good Nicolo, that he thus loosed, and let thee go? We will ever lament, and wail, for of our meal we shall now fail; out alas and well away, more bread than wit is at this day. All these therefore betestie and fustian Fools, and have within the Hospital for a sign before their Cell a Tisiphone, because she is the goddess of their humours, wherefore with this subscribed petition, we will bow ourselves to call upon her for their aid.  

A petition to Tisiphone, for testy and fustian Fools.  
THou direful in heaven, furious upon earth, Eumenideses in hell, great daughter of night, and Acheron, remove a little thy fustian fumes from these men, because many times they are over-peevish and headstrong: even as thou wilt, that at thy Temple thou hast in Athens, there may by them be offered unto thee a couple of Westminster pigeons, mild and pleasant, which have a thousand times heretofore been vowed to thy service, to manifest unto the world that glorious and peevish humorists alured by thy favour, as with a bait, from evil, may sometimes become as gentle as lambs.    

Of outrageous, fell, and Bedlam Fools: the four and twentieth discourse.  
AMongst the whole race of Fools, there are not any more insupportable, than those whom we call Fell, and outrageous Fools, for the quality of their humour is so wild and untamed, as it is requisite to avoid them, no otherwise then we would shun the fury of cruel and ravenous beasts. Neither are they mad and furious only towards others, endamaging them with the fury they are possessed withal, but this rage turneth also upon themselves, transporting away their minds to all kind of evil, that may be imagined. Ancient Hercules is painted with this kind of fury set forth, who after he had put on Nessus the centaurs coat, through impatience of grief, threw himself into the flames of Mount Oeta: whereupon Claudian sayeth: 
Claudianus.  
Thou fliest the top of Oetes, flaming all on fire:  And Ovid in the thirteenth of his Metamorphosis bringeth 
ovid.  in Ajax the son of Telamonius, ravished with this fury, for the sentence the Grecians gave, that the arms of Achilles should rather be given to Ulysses then him. Even so doth Ariosto describe very rarely the foolish 
Ariosto.  fury of Orlando, in two particular stanzas, in the first of which he saith: 
Writings I cut, and stone making to fly  
There shivers: up unto the azurd sky:  And in the other he saith: 
I cast into the water, shrubs, bows, stones, clods, & trees:  
Making it (clear before) as fowl as any lees:  And this is the cause why in an other place he describeth, that when Astolphus would have healed him: he bound him with many ropes, like a Bedlam Fool, as now he was become. Athamas the son of Aeolus is described for so bestial and furious by the Poet Ovid, as in his outrageous humour he killed his own son named Learcus, and these be Ovid's verses in the sixth de fastis: 
From hence it grew that Athamas, so cruel did remain:  
And that by father's hand, Learcus was so slain.  Herodotus reporteth this of Cambyses, that having violated 
Herodotus.  the god of the Egyptians called Apis, he was after this fact converted into so great fury & madness, that through the very hellish furies stirred up, he first slew all his whole family, converting afterwards foolishly his fury, and killing himself. Propertius also in his third book placeth Alcmeon the son of Amphiareus & Euriphile, 
Propertius.  amongst mad and outrageous fools, who for killing of his mother, was by a strong imagination led and induced into this kind of folly, wherefore he saith of him, 
Alcmeons' fury or the fasts of Phineus:  Lucanus in his first book, mentioneth one Pentheus among the Fools of this kind, who for having contemned 
Lucanus.  Bacchus his divinity, was by that god chastised, in making him become foolishly furious like a beast, whereupon he saith: 
In mind no greater rage, or fury ever had,  
Agave or Pentheus, when they were wood and mad.  Of Orestes the son of Agamemnon, and Clytaemnestra, 
Caelius  Caelius writeth, that after he grew mad for the kill of his mother, he rend all the garments off his own back, and bit off one of his fingers; so that in Paulus Manutius a proverb did arise, Oresti pallium 
Paulus Manutius.  texere: to weave Orestes his cloak, speaking of one who maketh present use of a thing, that in the end is by him spoiled and abused. A certain soldier of Brisighella, was in these our days a notable outrageous fool, who growing into fury for love of a Faventine courtesan, devoured a whole gauntlet and breastplate at a time, so mightily did this capricious humour fume up into his brain, as that he could not discern his own defensive arms from bread to eat. And like to him was Camble king of Lydians, who (if Caelius say truth) provoked by a ravenous fury, eat up his wife one night as she lay by him, and finding in the morning one of her hands in his mouth, he became foolishly mad, even as a beast that must be fast tied and bound. I think not the example of Santin of Villa Franca to be the coldest, and most threadbare one of all the rest, who falling into fury, about a cow and an ox he had which died, went to a stable of one of his neighbours, where there was an ass, and a sow with many pigs, where, by this madness provoked, he killed them all, and eat half the ass, before he so much as once drunk. An other called Marchion, of Buffaloura in the territory of Milan, being sacristan to a certain vicar about Varese, he also through misfortune entered into these brutish humours, by reason of a few fetches that were stolen from him by a cozening knave, wherefore growing by and by cock a whoop in his brain, he ran presently into the steeple, and eat an whole clapper of a bell, to the great solace, though loss of that commonalty, when they knew of it. But yet Peter Antonio of the valley of Taro, a gardener by profession, performed somewhat a more solemn bestiality; for having had certain fruit of his spoiled in the night (as so it chanced) he fell herewith into so wonderful an amazement and furious ecstasy with all, that with his teeth he tore and devoured aspade, shovel, and dung-cart, not being able to mitigate this violent humour, which besides all reason did drive him to madness. Like unto this man was Dominicon of Guastalla, who by a mischance in a morning had a bed of young beans killed and spoiled, and for so small a matter he grew into that fury and spleen, as disposed upon this no more to plough, he eat up his fodder stack, plough, and oxen, in less than five days. Let it therefore suffice, that such like men be called outrageous, brutish, and Bedlam fools, and within the Hospital they have god Mars hanging out for a sign, because by him they are upheld in those fantastical humours that possess their heads: Therefore let us have recourse unto him, as to that god which kindleth the fire of theirfurie, to the end that blowing it as little as may be, they may of such folly be healed, and recover their former estate.  

A supplication to god Mars for outrageous, brutish, and bedlam Fools.  
TO thee eldest son of jupiter and juno, called sometimes Mars, sometimes Mamers, and otherwhiles Mavors, because thou revoluest and turnest topsie turuey great matters, now Mars the revenger, Grandevan god, dear brother in law to Bellona, I now come to offer unto thee the recommendation of these outrageous and brutish fools, who daily grow in foolish humours, to the end that withdrawing from them thy terrible influence, they may gently like lambs suffer themselves to be tied, even as thou thyself wert sweetly bound fast with Venus in Vulcan's net. If therefore beside the songs and hymns of the priests Salijs, thou desirest to hear a still pipe sounding in thy Temple: and over and above the carp and pike fishes, that were anciently consecrated to thee, thou be'st willing farther to see offered the paw of a great beast, yield some hope of recovery to these poor miserable wretches, who will not fail to offer unto thee fully as much, as hath hitherto been vowed and promised.    

Of gross and three elbowed Fools: the five and twentieth discourse.  
IT is an use and custom, to name certain men in the world, by the title of gross and three elbowed fools, when such an extreme jocundity taketh place in them, or rather a kind of levity & unusual boldness, which inciteth them to speak and perform some follies, not altogether unlike the disposition they are of: and these are for the most part a vain kind of people, which draw very near to buffoons, or scoffers, they uttering jests that procure laughter, and playing their pranks out of all season, as those who notwithstanding it be lent, yet make it still Shrovetide; and as well in bad as good times, retain still their humours of follies, not respecting (as before I said) neither time, place, persons, nor a thousand other necessary circumstances. The ancient example of Damasippus Athenian, celebrated by Caelius, 
Caelius.  giveth evident knowledge and testimony of a gross and three elbowed fool: for of so pleasant a mould he was, that being ever in his merry pranks, he had always a rout about him, like a Christmas fool, and partly with his apish gestures, and monkey girns, and partly with his scoffs, jests, and other fopperies, he entertained the multitude many hours, playing the knave sometimes out of all cry with those that crossed and plucked him by the beard, with answerable crackropery. It may be said, that Antonella of Rubia was also in the number of these three elbowed fools, for he was continually set upon so merry a pin, as it seemed he had some fly, or familiar that stirred up in him these comical and trivial merriments: And amongst others, as he was in presence of a lord of great quality, falling into his wonted rye, he performed so many merry tricks, counterfeited so well some fools of his country, and struck so notably into all kind of roguery, as it wanted little, that this great lord had not been overcome with laughing at them. He which was called the Emperor of Bologna, (although he be not so well known to every one) yet was he also well stuffed with such like matter; and amongst many others, there is one most wonderful, reported by those that knew him, which is this; that being Vicar one day to a certain Precedent, who had left him charge, to publish in his own absence certain proclamations, which were flatly against public liberty and his own, and for this cause were odious to every one, like a gross headed fool as he was, he yet played the crier himself, and after the publication of them, he said, that the Precedent had good days himself, and he had thus far obeyed his command in publishing them, and they that would might likewise observe them; as for himself he meant to keep no circumstance thereof, and thus with exceeding laughter he left them all, perceiving the good affection that he himself bore to those proclamations: The other called by the vulgar Mascella d'Asino, was also one of this tribe, for being servitor to a very rich Spanish knight, who one day threatened that he would take off his head (using badly the Italian word capezza, which signifieth an halter or head-strain) and he feigning not to understand it (though he had it presently at his finger's ends) went into the stable where there were ten or twelve horse head-strains, and bringing them all to his master, he said, that his noble Signory might take which of them he would, so it would please him to forbear that with which his truss was tied up; so that the Spaniard was fain to laugh at this fellows mad conceit, and thus passing over his choler, he received him to former grace. They therefore like unto these above mentioned, are called gross and three elbowed fools, and within the Hospital they have hanging out for a sign, the goddess Volupta or Voluptina, sometimes so devoutly reverenced amongst the romans, on whom according to our usually manner, we will in this under written supplication, for their help and succour, invocate.  

A supplication to goddess Voluptina, for gross and threeelbowed Fools.  
BY the great alacrities and contentments, which in thy dear bosom are laid up, O goddess Voluptina; by Democritus his laughter; by that of Philisto Nicean, who therewith burst again; by the joy of Phillipides Comedian, that died with the same; by the exhilaration of Chilo Lacedaemonian, that gave up his ghost in his sons arms, after he had seen him crowned in the game of Olympus; by as many te-hees as ever came out of god Liber or Bacchus his mouth; and lastly by all that jocundity which is resident in the whole Chore or Choir of the graces: I pray, rebeseech, and once again entreat thee, that thou wilt but so much bridle the disposition of these threeelbowed fools to mirth and jollity, that if not wholly recovered, yet at least that they be somewhat bettered by thy means, and favour; which doing, be sure they will hang up in honour of thee in thy temple, a Cymbal or drone pipe, much like that of Morris dancers in a merry May day morning, in token that with so ready succour thou hast joyfully relieved these poor miserable men.    

Of fools obstinate, like to an horse or mule: the six and twentieth discourse.  
THatrace of stiff-necked fools, replenished with such obstinacy, as they seem harder than the diamond, and must be entreated four whole hours together to yield unto the least jot of that becometh them, standing naturally upon wilfulness, and being as stiff as a stake, within this foolish Hospital, are properly called fools obstinate like a mule. In holy Scriptures, obdurate Pharaoh was for a most notable example one of these; whose marble heart hath left unto posterity a lamentable memorial of an obstinate fool, of whom it may be doubted whether he were son to Obduracy itself, or that he were progenitor or father of the same. jultan the Apostata, is also by writers set down for a fool of this kind, who in his life being ever an enemy, and contrary to Christ, in his last gasp also most felonious & accursed he never repented himself of his former contempts, for mad with anger and fury against him, (although he confessed that he was plainly subdued) he contended with words to despise the victor; saying, O thou Galilean thou hast vanquished: All the ancient cruel tyrants as Dionysius, Busiris, Phalaris, one Hieronymus, Polycrates, Creon, and they of late days, as one Roman Ecceline and Valentine, with others, are placed in this infamous and reproachful squadron; besides the base fry of those, of whose folly there remaineth no other mention in writers, but that they put them into this Hospital of force, in that it was built at their suit, and instance. Amongst whom I will mention one, that would make one run his head against a wall to hear the irksome, mulish, and Asinaicall obstinacy (as we may well term it) which was found in a fellow worthy well to be beaten with staves, as they beat down walnuts with long poles, called Bronte of Saint Alberto, who being borne as it should seem for a spectacle of unusual wilfulness, and obstinacy of mind, stood stiffly one day to it, that whereas Donatus in a place saith, janua sumrudibus, I am a gate, entrance, or instruction to the rude and ignorant; this word janua in that place was meant by the city of Genoa, and for confirmation of this his opinion, he cited the authority of a certain Physical vocabular, which one master Simon a Genoese, hath made upon all Galens works, where he said, that he had seen it thus expressed: and notwithstanding there wanted not many learned men in every corner, who perceiving this his simplicity, openly condemned him of his obstinate position, yet would not this Puglian beetle head ever yield, or be persuaded, that it signified a gate: there was arguing and debating to and fro, sometimes with this reason, and otherwhiles with that; and at last, resolute in no sort to acknowledge his error, he said, that if it were not meant by Genoa, it was not in like manner understood by a gate, or port, but rather by a porter, or gate-keeper so as perceiving the sophistry and deep distinction of this buffoon, that argued logically, every one blessed himself for wonder, that he had but yet yielded so much to the honourable assembly that was about him. another archpedant, and most pedantical pedagogue, (for that is the head strongest ging of all others, in that it is the blindest & most ignorant) surnamed Blesus; entering one day into disputation with a master of a school, being a learned man, of great understanding, and excellently well accustomed, concerning those words of Cato: Trocho lude, aleas fuge: Whip the top, let dice go hop; he so obstinaely maintained, that Cato in these words gave leave to young men to play at snaphaunch, and that in their diet, they in any wise should take heed of garlic, as this discreet and wise teacher was fain to leave him to his ignorance, saying, he had reason to do as he did. This peevish obstinate Pedant after the master's confirmation, further adding these words: See whether I knew as much as I affirmed or no; for I have read Diomedes, Scopa, and Priscian, more than four times over, and I have a Dictionary called Tortello Novarese, or Dunces dry fat of words and phrases, that cleareth all them of doubt, which stand out in contention, and disputation with me about these points. Suffice it that such be obstinate Fools like the mule, who within the Hospital have for their devotion the image of Minos, a godhead peculiarly appropriated to them, and therefore with solemn invocations, let us have recourse unto his help and favour, as being most requisite and beneficial for them.  

An invocation to god Minos, for Fools obstinate like a mule.  
Othousevere, inexorable, not to be entreated, immovable, inflexible, god of the Stygian lake, son of jupiter and Europa, most mighty King of Creta, husband to that Pasiphae, who through lust inflamed with the love of a Bull, foolishly prostrated herself unto him, a bitter persecutor of Dedalus, for making that Cow of wood, wherein his luxurious concubine lying hid, he had opportunity of dishonest commerce with her: by that hard and strict severity which thou didst not only use in this, but in all our filthy enormities, I entreat, beseech, and conjure thee, that with these manner of obstinate, who have taken to themselves thy image for devotion, thou wilt proceed in such a sort, that they now blind, may perceive how this their obstinacy is far unlike thine: for thou in circumstances honest, and just wert always exorable, but they in things inconvenient and unbeseeming, do so perversely persevere, as there is no proportion in the world between them, and thy disposition. Procure therefore thou sacred deity of god Ditis his kingdom, that the difference of you both may be known, & reach unto them that perceiverance which reigneth in thee, considering that for the favour thou herein showest to this obstinate crew, thou shalt see offered unto thee a good clout of leather, such as the Rustics of Romagna set upon their shoes, the which shall be fastened before thy image as an ensign, to manifest that the obstinacy they have obtained from thee, is far more beneficial than that other they were possessed withal before.    

Of pildpated and odious Fools: the seven and twentieth discourse.  
THey are commonly called pildpated or odious Fools, who taking delight to offend sometimes one, and then another, not being able to contain, their humour applieth itself one while against this man, and then against that; so as in the end it cometh to this pass, that either the most part, all, or those of the better sort join together, and seeking revenge, they cause them to remain pildpated fools; for they be those that bear away sometimes the good bastinadoes, and carry home the blows upon their heads, which oftentimes for their blockish importunities they have deserved. And though sometimes it may be thought otherwise, because they are stout and peremptory out of measure in their own conceits, hoping in this sort to bear down their companion or any man they deal withal, whom they esteem but as a withered Tavern ivy bush, yet do they so much the rather remain taken of a sudden: For it seldom times happeneth, but that he who presumeth so much of himself, is at last taken up for halting, by another as stout as he, that will stand hard to his tackle, and return buff for baff. Catiline thought to have taken Marcus Tullius napping, with a notable plot he devised against him; but this wise and politic man returned all the mischief upon his own head, and by means of the same woman discovering all his practices, he hampered him in such a sort, that in the end (as Sallust writeth) he together with all his companions remained as 
Sallust.  a pildpated and odious Foole. Lodovicus called Morus (as Guicciardine writeth) thought wonderfully to despite 
Guicciardine.  Ferdinand K. of Naples, by calling in the Frenchmen into Italy against him; but in the end that fell out, which it should seem a Florentine ambassador foresaw very well, who observing on a time in Milane his devise, which was a Moor that voided and swept away all immundicities from before a Lady, gave his censure thereof, which was, that he should take good heed, this Moor might cleanse away all impurities from him, for in the end himself rested one of these pildpated fools, losing together, both his state, life, and honour. In like manner Laurence de Medici's, near kinsman to Duke Alexander, thought he had performed a great exploit (as iovius recounteth, & Ruscellus more copiously than he) in killing this Duke within one of the chambers of his 
iovius, Ruscellus.  palace, although no other effect ensued of this fact, but that for this flagition he was esteemed as an infamous treacher of all the world, and he exchanged an happy contentment for a daily disturbance, and molestation both of body and mind, while according to his deserts he was at last, by certain of the others guard, slain in Venice. And I pray you tell me one thing? Did not that Bourbone so much renowned for the sack of Rome, think peradventure to have given some sound blow, in suddenly revolting against his king, who for courtesy, magnanimity, and all kind of virtue had never his peer? Whereas in the end every one held him but for an odious traitor, and he gave occasion to that Spanish gentleman (as Bugato reporteth) being of a generous 
Bugatus.  and noble spirit, to show the greatness of his mind, and Castilian haughtiness to Charles the fifth, for the Emperor demanding of him in courtesy, that he would lend him his palace or house to lodge Bourbone in, he made answer: that for himself he would deny nothing to his sacred majesty, but so he might be sure of one thing, that he should no sooner be departed out of it, but that he would pluck down this house even to the very foundations, to the end no man might point at it, or say: This is the house of such a gentleman, where that traitor Bourbone was sometimes lodged. Did not George Sanese also think to have effected a notable piece of service, in minding to deliver into the French men's hands the Castle of Milane? And yet this treason being discovered, the Traitor lost both the friendship of the one, with his life and good name at an instant. All these kind of men therefore are called worthily pildpated Fools, because they are discovered, and it comes home to them at length, even as they thought to have taken others tripping. And these men have for their sign within the Hospital a Rhadamantus, to whom I now turn myself, to demand succour (as usually I am wont) for these miserable, ignorant, and treacherous sort, with sword ready drawn.  

A supplication to Rhadamantus for pildpated Fools.  
AMong all the infernal judges, there is not any more upright or severe than thou and Minos, together with Aeacus the son of Egina, and jupiter: And therefore for this cause thou art deservedly called upon, to salve and cure this kind of unjust fools, that in the kingdom of Ditis sittest in the chiefest chair: perform therefore that which is expected from thy office & place, & (as reason requireth) we will offer unto thee a piled threadbare gown, that hath been in the hands of a jew for the space of ten years, which shall not have upon it so much as one nap or hair, for a testimonial, to the end this may manifest unto the world, that there is not any who better layeth open and discovereth these pildpated fools then thyself, they being subject to that whip and scourge, which wonderfully chasteneth men of their quality and condition.    

Of irregular and unbridled Fools: the eight and twentieth discourse.  
THose insolent sort, who rashly and licentiously proceeding, usurp a liberty to offend others, either in words or deeds, they thinking the whole world to be their own, and that with this abused liberty, they may at their pleasure, bandy against every one, are in few words termed, unbridled fools, like an horse, having naturally inserted in them indomptable minds, and insolent shameless dispositions; neither can you with fitter epithets more aptly describe the quality of this foolish crew, who kick and wince with their heels, forward, behind, and on all sides, at every one they meet withal. It seemeth that Seneca in his Epistles reckoneth one Oscus to be in the 
Seneca.  number of these, of whom it is said, that he was borne into the world to be unquiet, and a disturber, he with his actions and speeches annoying sometimes one: and sometimes an other, and in few words, that Momus is by the Poets numbered amongst these men, for of him it is thus written, that, Nullum opus tam absolutum esse poterat, quod non calumniaretur Momus: no work could be so absolute and perfect, but that Momus would carp at it: And in token of this, there is produced a very ridiculous action of his, being this; that seeing on a day that excellent picture of Venus engraven by divine Phidias, because he could find no sufficient fault with the singular workmanship, yet would he needs caffle and carp, that the latchets of her shoes were not very well represented. And these be the men that in their evil nature and condition go seeking out hairs on egg shells, of a malicious and viperous inclination. Marinello of Gambacorta, was in these our days one of the number of these licentious fools; for when as on a time he had leave by chance to see a comedy which was played in Vincenza, beginning at the prologue, and running over all the rest of the parts, he spoke evil, and discommended sometimes this, and then that player, so that one near him, through impatience was forced to say unto him, gentle brother, I pray you give over this scoffing, for we would willingly hear the Clown to play his part. And an other of one Portia, surnamed Cavezza, or Horse-collar, is not much unlike this, who by a certain friend of his being brought to see the hall or chamber where the great Venetian Council sitteth, when it was replenished with so many gentlemen and Signiors, adorned out of question, with comely bodily presence, a grave majesty, correspondent to so great Senators as they are, like an huge ox or elephant as he was, without all sense he began to observe this man's hat, and that man's nose, the standing still of one, and the moving of an other; neither did he leave this sight or spectacle before he had made a catalogue of all that honourable assembly or council, the true honour and ornament, not only of Italy, but even of all Christendom: when a circumspect Senator that was near, making a sign with one of his gloves, that he should come to him, he wentimmediately at this beck, and being by the Senator demanded, of whence he was, being given to understand that he was of Portia, as also knowing that his surname was Cavezza (or Horse-collar) taking him quickly by the collar, he used these words: Master Grunt of Hoggenorton, although an halter would well become you, yet I pray you return again to yourtowne of Porkington, except you mean to become a collop of bacon: through which words, bedawed and gulled as he was, he returned to his companion, and said, come for god's sake let us be gone, for the gentleman you saw told me in my ear, that there is a penalty set down, of three twitches with a cord, for any that shall stand gaping at this gate. Of these kind of fools more lately, were Aretine, Franco, Burchiello, Bernia, and other such like friends of Pasquine, & Marforius; wherefore no marvel though at length they came to be sifted out, and by those soundly bitten, 
An image with in the court of the Capitol in kome.  against whom they had showed themselves, out of all measure insolent and impudent. Neither belongeth there any thing more to these fools, but that a good hempen halter so gag their throats, as that they may no more be able to vomit forth such acerbity and bitterness, which so hard against their wills they keep enclosed in their breasts. These unbridled fools therefore, have the image of Hippona in the Hospital, as the peculiar goddess of their necessities and wants: wherefore with this supplication following, we will labour to pacify her in such sorre, as that she may not suffer these savage and accursed beasts, thus to strike and fling at every one.  

A supplication to goddess Hippona, for unbridled fools.  
WHen the ancients (O dunghill goddess) placed thy acceptable image in sties and stables, it was not in contempt of thee, being thus amongst beasts as one scorned or neglected, but because they knew that all creatures have some god or goddess their favourite, as Sylvanus is god of sheep; Miagro the god of flies; Bubona goddess of oxen; and for this cause also wert thou adored as the goddess, overseer of horses, and their stables, and if Nicholas Cuchiero of Saint Quaranta knew but thus much, be thou assured, though he be but a poor man, yet would he spend three-halfpences in buying of thy image, to fasten on the top of his cart, that at all times thou mayst be a favourite to his horses: And therefore for this cause, have those poor tankerdbearing jades in recommendation, who though they were never good for any thing else, yet may they serve to fill three or four cisterns with water: But if propitius, according to thy accustomed manner, thou shalt behold with a pitiful eye other mensnecessities, thou shalt perceive that with as much speed as is possible, no trifles shall be offered unto thee, for when thou thinkest least upon it, a couple of huge malt sacks like those of Gonella will come, by which it shall be known, that these men now bear right down weight, who before were unbridled, and without any toleration or retention that was good.    

Of extravagant, extreme, and right Fools indeed: the nine and twentieth discourse.  
ALl those by this common term are called extravagant, extreme, and right fools indeed, who perform certain extraordinary, unusual, and strange follies, which exceed ordinary bounds, and are not heard or seen to be performed by few others besides themselves; as that was which Elian reporteth by one Trasillus Esonensis, who fell 
Aelianus.  into this extreme folly, that he believed all the ships that entered into the port to be his own, and therefore before they arrived near the harbour, he would go meet them with a joyful heart and countenance, being full of contentment; and so in like manner when they departed to make any voyage, either eastward or westward, he would accompany them a good piece of the way, wishing unto them with a good heart, a prosperous wind & happy voyage. Aristotle also declareth, that there was one in Abydo, who beginning to enter 
Aristotle.  into folly, and so continuing long time, he would go into the Theatre, & reciting to himself some Comedy, he would perform all those actions and gestures which Comedians use upon the stage. And Plutarch rehearseth 
Plutarch.  one most solemn and admirable of certain Mylesian virgins, who were assailed with so great madness, that without any consideration they all hanged themselves, neither could any admonitions of their elders or parents tears withdraw them from it: In the end, the Milesians being in Senate or Council, and debating of this action, a notable man amongst them rose up and said; that if such like as these persevered in their foolish determination, it would be requisite to enact a law, that they should be all disrobed left hanging naked, and offered to public view, the which decree being of all approved, and consequently put in execution, the rest received such terror by the same, as they refrained from their former humours, honest modesty prevailing more with them, like women verecundious as they were, than folly. Like unto the death of these women, was likewise the ends of Laurentiano Fiorentino, a man learned, and of Leonius an excellent philosopher of his time: For (as Peter Crinitus writeth) without any occasion, or misfortune whatsoever, they threw 
Peter Crinitus.  themselves into a well, where no less foolishly then miserably, they ended their days. That folly of Theobaldo of Cantiana was in good ' earnest most extreme, who verily believing that he was Soldan of Egypt, he went oftentimes unhosed and unshodde (as they do) and with a Turban on his head, into a certain vault near the place where he dwelled, the which he said was his great Moschyte, or Temple: and he carried with him to the mouth or entrance of this cave or vault, a company of young swine, who, said he, were the Ambassadors of sundry princes, which for honour accompanied him; and thus entering in, he made all the vault thunder again with these verses, which he chanted: 
You Mahometans, now give ear and muse  
On that which Sultan Theobald doth say:  
If you the Alchor an, do not peruse,  
You can not saved be an other day.  An other called Scarpaccia of Gradisca, had an extravagant humour in his head, (as it may be termed) for entering into conceit that he was king of Cuckoos, to every one that spoke to him, whether it were good or evil, he would always answer three times, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo: and being demanded why he answered not to the purpose, he replied again, I am the king, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. I remember I have heard say, that one Alberto of Pietra mala, which is the confines of Bologna, was in deed one of these extravagants; for entering into conceit that he was become Lord of Mirandula, he writ a letter to those of the town, that they should render into his hands the fortress, and receiving no answer of his folly, in great fury he leaps me a cockhorse, and took a drum upon his shoulders, going from Pietra mala, even to the confines of Mirandula, to wage war with them on his own part; in which thing like a fool as he was, being also flouted, he went under the walls of that town, and laying an hot turd near to the gate, said, that if the Myrandulanes would not receive him for their Lord, yet they should accept of the other whom he left as his substitute. These be those fools, who within the Hospital have the image of God Hercules for a sign, who is very doubtful, whether he should be protector and defender for term of life of these kind of fools or no, and therefore in this solicitation ensuing, we will tickle him with an Encomion, according to our accustomed manner.  

A petition to god Hercules for extravagant, extreme, and right Fools indeed.  
THou art that strong and valiant son of jupiter, and Alcmene, called Thirintius, because thou wert nourished in Therintus near to Greece; called the Theban god, because thou wert worshipped in Thebes; termed the extravagant god, because as a vagabond, thou goest demanding & seeking out of monsters; named the great Alcides, because thou wert nephew to famous Alceus. Thou art further he, who by thy own fortitude, and through thy mother who produced thee, so much by juno envied, and exposed to insupportable labours, didst first weary her in obeying, before she was out of breath with commanding: Thou art also he, who yet lying in the cradle didst kill two serpents, which were put in there to poison thee: Thou art moreover he, who being but a child in years, and yet of wonderful force, that in one night didst raise the bellies of Thespius' fifty daughters, by whom thou hadst fifty sons, named Thespiades: Thou art he likewise, who in adolescency of years, didst oppress with fire and sword, the great Hydra with seven heads, which continually sprouted forth one after the loss of an other, near the marish which was called Lerna: which didst kill and pluck down the stag Eripides, which ran as if he had flied, with gilded horns on his head, near to the mountain called Menalus: which in the wood Nemea, didst slay that extraordinary huge lion, and from that time forward didst always wear his skin about thee as a trophy: who gave Diomedes king of Thrace to his own horses to be eaten, who fed them before with the blood and flesh of his guests and friends: which tookest alive, and didst carry to Aristeus, that terrible Boar in Erymanthus, a mountain of Arcadia, that wasted all the country round about. Further, thou art he, who didst chase even to the island of Aretiades, the birds Stymphalideses, which were so great, that they obscured the light of the sun: who in like manner didst tame that wild bull, which with his fury ruinated the whole island of Candia: which didst take from king Achelous of Etolia, his horns: didst kill Busyris king of Egypt, who eat & devoured all the strangers which came to him: who in Lybia didst choke and suffocate the giant Anteus, wrestling with him: which didst separate and divide the mountains, Calpes, and Abila, which were at the first all one: which didst sustain Olympus, being before wearied with the heavy burden of mount Atlas: who subduedst in war Geryon King of Spain, carrying away his arms, being a worthy reward for the victor. Above all this, thou art he, that didst overcome the thief Cacus, which spit fire out of his mouth: that didst kill another called Lacinus, who molested the confines of Italy, erecting up in that place a Temple to juno, which hereupon was called Lacinia: that didst overcome Albion and Bergion, not far from the mouth of the river of Rhodanus, who disturbed every man's quiet travel: that didst subdue in war Pirrhecmus king of Etolia, who made war upon the Boetians, and didst pluck him asunder at horses tails. Again, thou that didst tame the Centaurs, and carry away the two pillars to the Islands Gades in Spain; that didst make clean the stables of Aurgia, and deliver Hesion the son of Laomedon exposed to a marine Ork, or monster, by first killing of the Ork: who being angry when ingrateful Laomedon, denied thee the reward of certain excellent coursers he promised, didst for this destroy the city of Troy: who didst sack the Island of Con, kill king Eurypalus together with his sons, despoil the Amazons, and tookest prisoner Hippolyta the Queen of them: who descending into hell, didst bind with three chains three headed Cerberus; and thus bound, didst bring him out. Thou art also he, which didst assist Theseus (according to many writers) to ravish Proserpina, the wife of Pluto: didst lead living out of hell Alcestes, companion to king Admetus, to her husband; and being returned from hell didst kill Lycus' king of Thebes, for that he would have offered violence to thy wife Megra: who with thy arrows didst pierce through the Eagle, that devoured the renewing heart of Prometheus, confined by Mercury in Mount Caucasus: who fight on horseback, didst overcome Cygnus the son of Mars thy competitor; which subduedst the Cyclopes, whilst as a maid thou didst attend on Omphale Queen of the Lydians: that didst destroy Hebeus with all his family; wounding also juno, who would have succoured him: and didst kill Eurytus King of Ochalia, ruinating the city called by his name: And yet once more thou art he, which didst by force take unto thyself, and conduct with thee into Euboea jole, the daughter of the foresaid Eurytus, who was denied thee to wife: that near the river Sagari didst kill a serpent of immeasurable greatness; didst slay the Dragon that kept the garden of Hesperides, freeing the Oteans from gnats and hornets; and this only for generation sake, that of two nights there might be made but one: and with so many of these thy great wonders, and miracles shall it not be true, that thou canst likewise perform somewhat, in the behalf of these vain and weak sort of extreme Fools, of thee true man, but in all thy attempts a god, exceedingly favoured, that they may remove the matter out of their heads, which thou in an instant didst purge from the heads of the serpent Hydra. Well go to, if thou shalt do them this favour, I will promise thee, that besides the Temple thou hast amongst the Egyptians, and Tirians, there shall a great chapel in this Hospital be consecrated to thy name, and an Oak apple offered at thy altar, in sign, that it is as easy for thee to deliver them, as to promote up so high such a like fruit, amongst all others observed to be of no worth.    

Of mischievous or diabolical Fools: the thirtieth discourse.  
THE most brutish, strange, and accursed kind of Fools that be, are out of all question some, whom we usually call by this name of mischievous, or diabolical fools, the title or imposition, fitting very well with the infernal and diabolical inclination they are of; for they are so viperous, and inwardly so swollen with rancour, despite, and all kind of pride, that any one would swear, they were the true cozen germans of another Farfarello, and Calubrino. Neither are the examples of these very few, for the devil goeth all over sowing of them, like the herb Dogs-foot, and of themselves they bud forth like to Hydra's heads, and with their flames they set (if it were possible) all heaven on fire, much more the earth. No man can deny but that those giants were of this race, who by jupiter for their pride were slain with lightning from heaven, for the writer or Author of Etra maketh this matter very evident in those verses: 
The ancient Giants did sometimes contend,  
To pluck the stars out of the lofty sky,  
And to pervert, Ioues kingdom without end  
Imposing laws on all the world boldly.  In like manner it cannot be denied, but that Mazentius a contemner of the gods, was of the self same race: Virgil setting him down for such an one in these verses: 
Virgil.  
The first from Terrhene soil, that went to war,  
Was proud Mazentius, who with gods did jar.  And this was he of whom Macrobius useth these words: 
Macrobius.  Fuit impius in homines, sine Deorum respectu: He was wicked towards men, not respecting God at all. I hold it for a thing very manifest, that Lycaon king of Arcadia was also a notable devilish Fool, if that be true which Ovid reporteth in the first of his Metamorphosis, that 
ovid.  he complotted against jupiter, reputed amongst the ancients as head of all other gods. Xerxes' king of Persia noted by writers of singular impiety, is not exempted out of this number, he being so bold, nay rather so rash and headstrong, as that he durst threaten to deprive the sun of his light, and put Neptune the god of the sea into prison, with fetters on his heels: And therefore Strozzapadre maketh of him these verses: 
Nor as King Xerxes, who did threaten bonds 
Strozzapadre.   
To Neptune, when with ships he shot the strands.  Amongst whom in like manner I give to a thousand devils, that Plegia king of Lapiths, and father to Ixion; who for rashly setting fire on the Temple of Apollo in Delphos, is declared by Virgil, that for punishment of his offence, he was enclosed in an infernal cave, in these verses: 
All Plegian malefactors, with loud voice he doth advise  
From hell, justice to use, and not the gods despise.  Valerius Maximus, and Lactantius Firmianus, assigneth 
Valerius Maximus. Lactantius.  one of the principalest places amongst these men, to Dionysius Tyrant of Siracusa: for he was so great a contemner of the gods, as he himself amongst his friends was wont to say, that he greatly wondered, how the gods were so patient, as to suffer him so long upon the earth. Biondus in his History maketh mention of Euerick 
Biondus.  King of Goths, that he rammed up the gates of Christian churches, with heaps of thorn bushes, wickedly intending to make them appear like hedges and thickets, because he would be a Fool in this kind. Corius writeth of Gensericus king of Vandals, that with greater sacrilege, of the same Christian churches he made stables for his horses, being likewise an infernal Fool of the same nature. What shall we say of Attila, termed the scourge of God, but even the self same? What of Tottila, and Athanaricus? What shall we think of that Duke of the Hawians, who threatened to cut off the privy members of all the Deacons that came into his hands? What of those first innovators, who of the great church in Basill, made a butcher's shambles? And last of all, what of our modern Mahumetists, who desperately make the worst of every thing that they can, committing all kind of rapine, violence, sacrilege, manslaughter, and rebellion that may be imagined. Now these be truly Fools, who are mischievous, and therefore deserve a thousand gallows, termed properly by the title of diabolical Fools, because in every respect they are conformable unto him: Wherefore in recommending them unto some god, that may cure them, I can think on no better physician than Pluto, who is in hell a perfect Anatomy of their like: And for this cause, I direct unto him this invocation following.  

An invocation to Pluto for mischievous and diabolical Fools.  
WHatgod may I more conveniently call upon, to remove the folly of this devilish crew, then thee high Pluto, Prince of Herebus, admiral of the Stygian waters, precedent of the flames which exceed a thousand times those of Aetna, or Mount gybello? what God if not he, who is the son of Saturn and Opis, brother to highest jupiter, Lord of the infernal kingdom, being mighty in riches, and therefore called Ditis, principal amongst the Manian gods, therefore called Sumanus, and of power to inflict upon them their due punishments, called therefore Orcus, by every one? what god if not thou, who rentest Titius heart from out his body, punishest Tantalus with thirst, makest Ixion to be turned upon a wheel, causest Sisyphus to roll the stone, and chastisest Salmoneus with so sundry torments. Thou ay say, the scourge of all extreme cruelties, the revenger of flagition, the overthrower of the wicked, and flail of all bad men, oughtest to have a care of healing these men's folly, in the same manner as thou hast before cured so many other by giving them into the hands of the furies, who incensed against them, may inflict upon them those torments, which the grievousness of their offence demeriteth. The which if thou shalt perform, undoubtedly with all speed an hornless doad-man shall be offered unto thee, for demonstration of the punishment thou hast laid upon these men, according to their deserts, and the insolencies which so devilishly they have committed.    

A discourse of the Author, to the beholders concerning that part of the Hospital which appertaineth to Women, wherein he wittily setteth down all the former kinds of folly to be likewise resident in them.  
COnsidering (noble beholders) that you have commodiously perused all their Cells one by one, who diversly besotted and deprived of their wit, are become not so much a ridiculous, as a miserable spectacle to other men; and that you have taken such delight in the subjects of them, as you could any ways look for, from so strange and uncouth humours, administering at an instant by divers means, both contentment and wonder to your minds, by the specialties of folly which you have observed: I think it not much amiss to point out unto you likewise this other part of the Hospital, allotted to women, causing you to behold with your eyes, the most ridiculous employments of foolish women, that ever peradventure you have seen in the world. Because with the greater solace you may leave this harbour, and replenished with greater wonder and admiration, go all over the world, declaring and setting forth the monstrous follies, which shall by me be revealed unto you, the which you receiving from me, will in your relating them to others, administer special contentment: Fix therefore your looks I beseech you, on that part, which I will point out unto you, and cast an eye here on the left hand, where you see a long row of lodgings and chambers, which have so many superscriptions, titles, and devices set upon their doors; for all those be Cells appropriated to foolish women, to be hold which leisurely, is accounted no small favour, it being the custom to show them seldom, and to few, in respect of the modesty observed towards that sex, naked for the most part as you now see. The first chamber which you see there with that devise hanging over the door, which is a tuft of wild nettles, with an inscription, which importeth, in puncto vulnus; is the lodging of a Roman matron called Claudia Marcelia, which in her youth was the most sweet, affable, jovial, and pleasant mad wench, that from the one to the other pole could be met withal; a rare pattern of comeliness, the only portraiture of courtesy, the image of divine splendour and beauty, and the very express Idea of courtly grace and carriage: and now (behold how lamentable her chance was) slipping one day in her pantofles, as she went to the solemnisation of goddess Bona her feast, she fell upon a great stone with her forehead and chin, and thus losing both her wit and memory at an instant, she began to be lunatic and doting, after such a sort, as she became every day worse and worse, sitting upon the bed as you see, all mournful and heavy, with an urinal at hand; and as often as you demand an answer of her, touching this or that matter, so often doth she take the urinal out of an Hutch hard by, and beholding herself therein, she saith, this is the wise prophetess Sibylla; and thus peereth sometimes on the urinal glass, and otherwhiles on the water within it. Whereupon the master of the Hospital, who is a man of greatknowledge and understanding, about the causes and reasons of the infirmities there reigning, hath framed that devise, or imprese with the title, minding ingeniously herein to give gentlemen strangers to understand, that come to behold this part of the Hospital, by the tuft of pricking nettles, and that motto; In puncto vulnus: that as the nettle no sooner toucheth, but it pricketh and stingeth, so that matron no sooner slipped and fell upon the stone, but that by the cruel fall she was so affrighted in her brain, as now she laboureth and turmoileth herself there within as you see. That other chamber near unto it, where you see one standing in the door, who all silent and sad, with her eyes looking downward, and all disheaveled, to fix her countenance upon the earth, never so much as looking upward; but on the contrary, with her eyes drooping, she so bendeth her looks to the ground, as it might seem that her eyes were concentred and fast linked to the earth, is one Martia Cornelia, of the country of the Insubrians, who from her infancy hath been possessed with melancholic humours, and therefore you may observe her so savage in aspect, and in countenance ghastly. And amongst other humours which oftentimes disturb her imagination, this one in good earnest is very terrible, that many times she takes herself to be a silk worm: whereupon she never doth any thing else but nibble upon mulberry leaves, affirming that by this means she preserveth herself in life: and therefore you may perceive that the devise and motto, set upon her gate by the master of the Hospital, be correspondent to her infirmity: the devise being a cod or web, with a silk worm within, and on the one side a little branch of a mulberry tree, with a motto framed in these words, Et mihi vitam, & aliis decus. But I pray you look a little forward, and regard that Cell which hath the gate open, where she whom you see with a cushinet by her, and a fine wicker basket with cruel and silk, to work withal, giving over her best employment, with that needle in her hand, she goeth stabbing of flies, and pismires, in steed of working upon her cushion: she is called Marina de Volsci, so lither and idle, that the whole day in steed of some serious labour, she giveth herself to bucksomeness, & gig-loitry: wherefore the master of the place hath assigned her for a devise, a grey bearded old man, pursuing of butterflies, with a motto appertinent to the purpose, Quo gravior, eo signor. The fourth Cell which next succeed, if you mark well (for it hath the gate gaping and wide open) is made after the fashion of a tavern, wherein a woman lieth prostrate, with her hair lose about her ears, a Thirsus in her hand, and withal a little bell, serving to ring therewith to god Bacchus his feasts, who 
Or iaveline wreathed about with ivy.  is one of those ancient Maenads, by some called Bacchides, and by others Stimeles, in that by Lycus his fury they were stimulated, where this woman called Teronia Helvetia, with her head full of good Greek and Trebian wines, doth nothing else but whirl about, shaking that Thirsus or wreathed iaveline, and ringing the bell with all mirth and jollity. To conclude, growing drunk, she spreadeth herself upon the floor of the earth, even as now you find her; and for this cause she hath a devise made, with a motto answerable to her ebriety, which is a Magge pie with a sop in her mouth, and these words underwritten: Hinc silens, hinc loquax. The other whom you see in the Cell underneath, who with her rock and spindle, taketh a lantern in her hand to see to work by at high noon day, and when the sun with his beams shineth over the whole Hemisphere, is a mad forgetful fool, which can carry nothing in mind that she hath to do, who is called Orbilia Beneventana: wherefore the devise and motto fitteth exceeding well with her folly, the device being a mole, which naturally is blind, with this motto: Haec oculis, haec mente. But that other miserable and infortunate poor soul, who as soon as she saw you look towards her Cell, hid herself behind that close stool, covering her body with the bolster, and rug of her bed, is a certain pretty tiptoe, called by all men Lucietta of Sutri, who in all her actions is so fantastical and skittish, that when she goeth sometimes to blow the fire, & but feeling the wind of the bellows, she starts back three fathom, for fear of that blast; and this tremulent humour can no ways be removed out of her head, though divers & sundry physicians have tried a thousand experiments for her cure: wherefore with good consideration that devise is set upon her door, which is; a conie scraping up the earth, with a motto that saith; Huic fuga salus: because like a conie she thinks not herself secure, except she hide herself in the same manner as you see. Oh but for god's sake vouch safe to talk with her, appareled all in grey, that hath so great goll or thropple hanging down, as she may cast it back upon her shoulders, if you will hear a right puppy in deed: for this is that Menega of Voltolina, daughter to Roganzzo Panada, and Mathias his wife, who on a time was made believe, that a cow making love to a frog, and he moved with compassion towards her, not knowing any other course he could take to content her, he was willing one day while the cow was drinking at a river, to be swallowed down by her, & thus swimming within her belly, he entered into that concavity where the cow conceiveth, and pissing there within it, he made her after three years space to bring forth a creature, which had legs like to a frog, and all the rest was like to a pied or spotted cow, such as those of Hungary be: wherefore the master of the Hospital seeing her so round and plump in substance, hath placed upon her Cell that devise which you see, it being a Buffle, with a ring at his nose, and this motto Quocunquerapior; because no devise can be more conformable and correspondent to her humour then this. In that other Cell which you see, there is a certain silly soul, of an addle and weak brain, as any creature you ever saw in the world, and she is called Orsolina Capoana, who is of this quality, that if you bid her sweep the house, she will fall a paring of her nails, and yet it will be evening before she have made an end of this work; and sometimes when she hath been enjoined to heat the lie for the buck, she put her mouth to the spigot of the tub, blowing there for the space of three hours like a very dotterel, and by such like fopperies poor wretch she is so transported away in her senses, that if you should but bid her void an urinal, be sure that like a little child, blowing of feathers up into the air, with a thousand other toys, she will tarry two hours at the least, and at the last, either bring you the empty case, or the urinal all battered and broken, being so simple a drizzle as she is. Therefore marvel not if the keeper of the Hospital have set that devise upon her door; which is a fly hovering about a light, and a motto, which in Spanish signifieth, Ne mass, ne menos: for as there is not a more silly creature than this kind of fly, which hovereth so long about the candle, that at last she burneth her own wings; so is there not any so sottish a roil, which may be compared to her. It seemeth this other foul flap-mouth is very like unto her, who hath forgotten her spindle, while her rock is between her legs, and now much amazed therefore, and staring with her eyes, she looks upon you, as if she had never seen man in her life before: this woman is called Thadia di pozzuolo. And amongst many other of her sotteries this one is very notorious; that when the Guardian of the Hospital one day commanded her to take a little water out of the cistern, and set it upon the table, in steed of using the bucket, she took a porridge pipkin wherein there were colewoorts a seething, & set the broth upon the table, so qualified with cold water, as all men that were present conceived of her minnerie, together with no indifferent wonder, delight, and pastime thereat: and for this cause she is set forth with that imprese you there see, which is a goose climbing on the top of an hedge, with her motto, Frustranitor; this imprese with the motto thereof signifying, that as the goose is a grosser creature than any other, neither can she so much as fly over an hedge; so she performeth foolishly all actions whatsoever she goeth about, because she doth not any one thing as she should do. That foul beetle-headed Margherita Bolognese, remaining there in that Cell below, seemeth to be a bird of the same nest, of whose stupidity though there were no other sign or manifestation in the would; yet would this one trick of hers be more than sufficient, to prove her so: who being sent by a certain dame to the shops of the jews, about an embassage of hers, to higher bracelets and earrings, as they use to do for setting themselves forth in Carneval time, she going to a casket of her mistresses, took there out a pair of bracelets which she had in a box, with certain fair earrings, & carried them to a jew saying; that such a gentlewoman her mistress sent thither that ware, to be let out for use, and thus she returned of that message to her mistress, bravely gulled by that wiseacre, as could be possible; and for a good while there was speech of nothing else in that house but of this: wherefore you see that proportionably the keeper hath placed for an imprese over her door, abroad faced owl, with a motto which saith; Ipse ego & ego ipse. But be hold next unto her within her Cell, comes that wicked Lucilla da Camerino, who is as vicious us a fool as possibly can be, and for confirmation hereof, behold the vessel she hath in her hand: this vessel is full of walnut water, which maketh the skin as black as a coal. Now this woman about noon time besmeareth all her body over, and being naked draweth here to the maids of the keeper's house, when it is about dinner time, so that all of them aghast at so foul a sight, run away, and leave the table and meat as a pray to that ravenous she wolf, who without any discretion at all, doth in a manner ordinarily play those pranks, to the children, servants, and all the rest of the house. Hereupon she hath over her Cell a devise altogether conformable to herself, which is a fox's tail that sweepeth a chamber, with this French motto: Parmafoy que liet tanbien. I say nothing to you of that other despiteful coxcomb called Flavia Drusilla, whom you see there busied about that little foisting cur, rubbing and combing him so carefully, as appeareth, who a little while after, calling him to her by the name of Fiorino, and he not coming, she groweth into such a fury, as that in choler she would hang, or presently make him into jelly; and this is her quality, that for every little matter she is so moved, as cursed Gabrina, or the wife of Pinabell, would have but an hard match with her. And if there were nothing else, yet is this one part of hers most notable, which happened the other day: for while she was washing out her buck, a little lie by misfortune that fell out, sprinkled into one of her eyes; whereupon this despiteful fool took the bucking tub, and threw it against the wall, breaking it all in pieces, carrying away the clothes she had washed, and rensing them in a river that ran hard by, where she let all go down the stream merrily, neither had she recovered any of them again, if a discreet wench had not run in and told them of the house of it, sending down to the waters side men with long poles to take them up as well as they could: and therefore since that time, the master of the Hospital caused a painter a friend of his, to place over her Cell that devise, which is; a Beaver biting off his own stones, with this motto; Vlcisci haudmelius: which clearly manifesteth the outrageous folly of this beast. Behold that other swine snouted sowestanding in her door, which doth nothing but gyrne and laugh, and at the least matter she either hears or sees, sets her mouth wide open like an oven: She is called Domicilla Feronia, who hath an husband that blockishly reciprocateth with her in the same folly, now because her humour consisteth in nothing else but immeasurable laughter, the keeper hath caused to be placed over her door, that owl sitting upon a whip, a creature that would make the very stones to smile at the sight of her, with this motto; Haec aliis, & mihi alij: for thus her vanity is exceeding well notified, she being a coffin replenished with carrion-like matter, but void of any wit, or understanding at all: I cannot tell whether you perceive her that sitteth at her door upon a seat, with a gown trailing after her like a peacocks tail, she is called Tarquinia Venerea, than whom there can be nothing more proud and glorious: and this I shall tell you manifesteth as much; for declaring her progeny one day to certain gentlemen, although it exceeded not two hundred years in antiquity, yet proved she herself to be of the Queen of Saba her race, & showed therewith a pearl & diamond of extraordinary value and estimation, which she said great king Solomon gave her, when she departed from his court; forcing every one to believe, that successively by inheritance, these jewels came in the end to her. And yet one day she uttered a more notable one then this, declaring to certain ladies and gentlewomen who were come to see her, that she had yet in her house a pair of hose of taffeta, that belonged to the signor and consort of that Queen her kinswoman: wherefore the keeper of this place observing the simple folly of this woman, and accommodating a devise to her genius or inclination, he placed over the door of her Cell for an imprese, the image of Time, after the same sort as it is by Poets described, which is, by a Dragon eating up his own tail, with a proportionable motto to the same, that saith: Sola aeternitate victa. But I pray you, do me this one favour, observe her well which cometh after, being called Andronica Rhodiana; think of her as of a crafty and subtle Fool in deed; for questionless she feigneth herself to be distracted for no other end, but to enjoy easy and good days, who in this point discovereth herself; for sometimes she will go into the hen-loft, and get her into the corner where the hen sits, crying, co co co, to show like an hen that she hath laid an egg; but if any go to take it up, she crieth no more after that manner, brusling her feathers, or cackling like an hen; but with a good staff in her hand she will make him stand further from the hen-roost: wherefore the keeper perceiving these her knavish proceedings, hath set her forth for a dissembling Fool, and placed over her cell the picture of Fraud, with her balance in her hand wanting of weight, with a motto adjoining which expresseth, Ars fortunae salus, because by these tricks, she obtaineth pleasant and good days. The other whom you see beholding the moon at a window, is called Livia Veletri, because sometimes she is in perfect sense, as if she never had been possessed with this foolish influence; and otherwhiles on the contrary, she is so stimulated by this passion, as that by long experience they gather that she is lunatic: wherefore the other day she seemed in her speech, and discourse another Palace. Now if any man speaketh to her, he shall find her altogether out of her wits, tossing and turning like a beggar in fresh straw; for as the moon wayneth, so doth her wit decrease: & therefore you see a devise with a motto proportionable to this humour; the one being a crab which beholdeth the moon-shining, the motto being framed in these words: Nunc in pleno, nunc in vacuo. She enclosed by her parents within the next cell, is the fair Martia Sempronia, where over the door is painted winged Cupid with a light in his hand, and this motto subscribed: Desperatasalus. For she inflamed with love, grew foolish not many years sithence, for the love of one Quintus Rutilius, and not knowing with what to present this ingrateful young man, for the mitigation of his cruelty and hard heart, with a needle she let herself blood in a vain, venting a pound of her blood into a golden cup with a little inscription, that imported; Si feris humana prosint: the which present being by chance found by her brothers, was occasion of a great tribulation which she suffered: wherefore amidst these vexations and injuries, she grew to a desperate degree of loving folly, whereinto being fallen, by the small love of her parents, she was confined in the place you see. As a companion to this woman, in another kind of folly she there showeth herself, who hath an halter prepared fastened to that iron hook: for though her name may presage happily, she being called Mansueta Britannia, yet are her actions quite contrary to the same: for like a desperate Fool she hath three times fastened the halter about her neck, to hang herself, and always some one or other hath been ready at hand to help her: neither can she by the help of physicians any ways be cured of this desperate disposition, because she hath suffered this passion to have too great predomination, the which is so much the less excusable, by how much sometimes upon a trifling occasion, she will needs hang herself; even as the other day, she prepared that rope in the same manner as you see, only because a needle was taken out of her pinpillow, and so she could not work on her cushion as she would have done: wherefore the devise and motto show her extreme despair; the devise being the body or trunk of a Cypress tree, which being once cut, never groweth again, and the motto: Semel mortua quiescam. Who would not say that Hortensia Quintilia, she whose residence is there a little below, were sister to Hortensia of Bergamo, or Sarnie, she being a stark noddy as also he was: for if his humour be not included in her, both one and other may go hang themselves. This woman to show the verity of that I have said, void of understanding, and of so weak a brain, as she one day sat idle by the fires side, striking with the tongues upon a burning log, she took wonderful delight to see so many sparkles come from it, as children do when playing with their fathers, they ask counters and crowns; when the maid of the house scumming the possenet, let fall some of the broth upon the block, and so deprived this fool of her contentment, and brought herself to great trouble: for she in all fury, took up the billet by one end, and with it went after the maid all the street over, crying out, lay upon her, lay upon her, like a quean as she is. Let it suffice, that the matter being afterwards known, by the maids own report, and those of the house; she growing every day worse and worse, as it happened, was by her friends constrained to enter in here, where the Guardian of the Hospital fully informed of her humours, composed that devise for her which you see, and placed it over her Cell, which is no other but a choke pear, strooken down with a great haylestone, and this motto subscribed: Actum est: which concurreth excellently well with her folly, which surely is headstrong and stirred up by and by. Be merry a little, and pluck up your spirits in beholding that notable Cogster Terentia Samntte, who in her gestures, words, inventions, and carriage is the very sister of Boccafresca, or Gonello: and for proof of this, the other day she sat her down, and called into the chamber before her all the whole household of the master of the Hospital, they all running up in haste to hear some goodly matter come from her (according to her wont) where many being assembled together, while they expected some discourse, or speech, as otherwhiles she was wont to make: at this time (not without laughter) she used a thousand gestures, with her hands, and eyes, sometimes this way, than that way, seeming always, as if she would even then have begun; at last fetching a deep sigh with a grunt like an hog, she told them, that the occasion of her calling them together, was to no other end, but that so noble a grunting belch, might be honoured with so goodly an assembly as there then was: so that very fitly that devise is set over her Cell, a great jobbernol, with a large slop after the Dutch manner hanging upon the nose, and this motto in Dutch Italian gibberish: Chesta, stare bone compagne. But a most jovial and pleasant humour is that, of Quintia Emilia, borne to the relaxation and contentment of every one, whose residence is in a Cell somewhat beneath, having three gentlemen standing by her, to whom with her speech she giveth wonderful pleasure and delight. And not long sithence one of them demanding of her, at what time women are most foolish: she wittily answered; when you men will but give them so much time, as to become so: And to an other, who asked her wherefore nature had bestowed so little wit on women, she presently answered, that resolving his question truly, the answer was in readiness, because nature wrought like a woman as she was. It may suffice that there is a convenient devise deputed for her, which is, a jupiter in the midst of heaven sitting upon a throne of gold, with this motto of the poet; iovis omniaplena: But mark that same fantastical and capricchious Herminia Bohema, that for a roasted chestnut the other day, set all the house in an uproar, and other sometimes she gives to them that would, and would not; and the other day for a dried Service, she cried for the space of an hour, with her neighbour Marietta, being afterward pacified in a monent: she hath worthily upon her door for a devise, a great Turkeycock that girdeth forward on a sudden, and presently stayeth, with a motto; Tanto lenis, quanto propera. And she who is chained to a bed hard by, is a certain beastly fool called Giacoma da Pianzipane, who the other day played this fine prank, for a boy coming near to her to have emptied her close stool, she took the pot and laid it on his head, so despitefully, that the poor lad was three days after, ere he came to himself. And yet not two days since, she performed an other far beyond this, for finding an ass that was brought into the house, with two baskets full of eggs upon his shoulders, she took a kneading tub, and so persecuted the poor ass, as she made him fall into an hole, which served as a sink, to receive all the immundicities of that place, where the poor beast slumped into the dirt with his panel, and broke all his eggs and baskets: And beside in the market she set upon the asses master, that came behind him, and if he had not suddenly retired himself back, out of doubt, she had made a mighty carbinado of his head incontinently: wherefore the keeper considering the brutish humour of this fool, over her Cell hath caused to be painted fit to the purpose, that Megaera disheaveled, and with hair about her ears, with her motto, which saith; Accensanil dirius. A little underneath mark her, who is so pensive in view, and looketh on the wall with her mind fixed thereon; she is called Lavinia Etolia, who is an extravagant and notable fool indeed, and I know thus much by this: for not long since she writ a conceit to a princess of high place, like to the title of that which those of Saint Marino in Romagna, writ to the Venetian Signory, saying: To our dear and well-beloved sister, the Venetian Commonwealth, for those of Saint Marino, though they be all in a manner rustics, and country men, yet live they in a commonwealth like Venetian Signiors; and in that invention she requested of her a special favour which was; that withal her Damsels, and waiting maids, she would come and visit her, and stay with her eight days; for she would for her entertainment furnish a Palace beseeming another Cleopatra, and among other dainties, she would give her one of a Bevers stones, not such an one as a friend of mine of Piacenza bought, of a rooguish cozening mate in the city of Teruigi, but somewhat less, which would perfume even the very porridge-pot or coleworts within, so precious it was, and peerless; and to each of her damsels, she meant to present an Indian cricket, who wakeneth men without a clock, at what hour soever they please: wherefore upon this worthy fantasy, that devise you see was compounded, which is the image of a monstrous Medusa, with a motto, Extrema peto; because doubtless her follies be monstrous and extreme. After her followeth such another drivel, that of all the pains she takes, she gains nothing but nichilles, and her name is Calidonia da Heppi, who never standeth still, or is at quiet, and sometimes she ticketh with one, and then tacketh with another; and after the sport is ended, she returneth home, either with her face all to be scratch, her hair shagged abroad, or her mouth all to be grumbled, for these be the recreations which she ordinarily useth after meals: therefore by her devise which is à Pluckt-hen with this motto, Quid nostra prosunt? a man may strait conceive, wherein her error consisteth. And that other somewhat beneath her, called Cecilia Venusia, is a notable buxom, and well pampered Fool, who is continually conversant in her riggery, neither can a man behold afiner madge-howlet than herself, so that she is never without a company of women about her, who without her comfort, would certainly be even dead, and half lost. This woman by her mockeries, singing of riff-raff rhymes and country gigs, recounting a thousand merry tales, far more pleasant, than those of Strapanarola, and by prating more incessantly than a Parrot, she hath brought in amongst them an other Lubberlande, to pass over all melancholic and displeasing humours: wherefore you see, that her imprese is a tavern bush on the top of a spear, with this motto; Vndiquerisus; because it seemeth that this devise and motto cannot fitlier concur with any then herself. There followeth after her Armodia Falisca, being an unbridled fool like a horse, licentious and dissolute in all her actions, in her words impudent and lavish, and with insolent liberty she raileth on every body, as she did the other day; for seeing a great troop of gentlewomen return from the feast of some saint, she found fault even with this, that one of them had a needle sticking on her head cawl, in nothing so comely a sort as was requisite: And therefore her advise is an horsestrain, with a motto expressing thus much; Nil satiu●; she being very well known for so viperous a fool, as in truth she is. That last Cell saving one, belongeth to Laurentia Giglia, in all her affairs being an obstinate fool like a mule; and from this, her obstinacy cometh evidently to be discerned; for not long since being rebuked by some of her friends for talking at a window with I know notwho, departing presently, she as suddenly returned, and once again put in mind of it by them, she withdrew herself a little, and afterwards showed herself there a fresh; neither could the wind which came with a great hail of stones as as big as an egg, so much as make her budge from that place, she being disposed to win the field, and have the conquest of heaven and earth. And therefore in all reason, she hath an anvil with an hammer striking upon it, set up for her imprese, with this motto, Nec ictibus: which clearly manifesteth the extreme wilfulness she is possessed withal. But she who strikes it up, carries the game away, and makes up the feast as it should be, is Hostilia Mutinense, either the sister of Merline, or daughter of Calcabrine, a woman inspiritate, diabolical, and stuffed up even to the very gorge with all kind of flagition and villainy. This devilish Fool is so monstrous and malignant, as there is no devise in the world that can sufficiently express her perverse, wicked, and abominable nature. Therefore amongst all the rest, she only is left without imprese or devise; for neither Gabrina for despite, Circe's for diabolical malice, nor any other prodigious monster so much by the ancients celebrated, can worthily enough represent her strange and enormous properties. So that honourable beholders I conclude thus much, that it were much better for you never to come near her Cell: for if she do but perceive your being here about, make account that like another Alcina, she will turn you all into beasts, trees, or stones; and instead of entering into an Hospiof Fools, you shall find yourselves in that palace, where cursed destiny transformeth men into Asses, and this is all you might gain by the sight of her. Let us therefore now put to the gates of this Hospital, and roave abroad at large, for that which already you have seen, is more then enough.  
FINIS.