Pierces Supererogation OR A NEW PRAISE OF THE OLD ASS.  
A Preparative to certain larger Discourses, entitled NASHES S. FAME.  
Gabriel Harvey.  
LONDON Imprinted by john Wolf.  
1593.   

TO MY VERY GENTLE, AND Liberal friends. M. Barnaby Barnes, M. john Thorius, M. Antony Chewt, and every favourable Reader.  
Loving M. Barnaby, M. john, and M. Antony, (for the rest of my partial Commenders must pardonme, till the Print be better acquainted with their names) I have lately received your thrice. courteous Letters, with the Overplus of your thrise-sweet Sonnets annexed: the liberallestgiftes, Ibeleeve, that ever you bestowed upon so slight occasion, and the very prodigallest fruits of your flourishing wits. Whose only default is, not your, but my default, that the matter is nothing correspondent to the manner; and miselfe must either grossly forget miselfe, or frankly acknowledge misimple self an unworthy subject of so worthy commendations. Which I cannot read without blufhing, repeat without shame, or remember without grief, that I come so exceeding-short in so excessive great accounts; the sums of your rich largesse, not of my poor desert; and percase devised to advertise me what I should be, or to signify what you wish to be; not to declare what I am, or to insinuate what I may be. Eloquence, and Courtesy were ever bountiful in the amplifying vein: and it hath been reputed a friendly Policy, to encourage their loving acquaintance to labour the attainment of those perfections, which they blazon in them, as already atcheiued. Either some such intention you have, by way of Stratagem to awaken my negligence, or enkindle my confidence; or you are disposed by way of Civility, to make me unreasonably beholding unto you for your extreme affection. Which I must either leave unrequited; or recompense affection with affection, & recommend me unto you with your own Stratagem, fit to animate fresher spirits, or to whet finer edges. Little otheruse can I, or the world reap of those great-great commendations, wherewith you, and divers other Orient wits have newly surcharged me, by tendering so many kind Apologies in my behalf, and presenting so many sharp invectives against my adversaries: unless also you purposed to make me notably ashamed of my confessed insufficiency, guilty of so manifold imperfections, in respect of the least semblance of those imputed singularities. Whatsoever your intendiment in an overflowing affection was, I am none of those, that greedily surfeit Ofselfe-conceit, or sottishly hug their own babies. Narcissus was a fair boy, but a boy: Suffenus a noble braggart, but a braggard●… Nestor a sweet-tongued old-man, but an Old-man: and Tully (whom I honour in his virtues, and excuse in his oversightes) an eloquent Selfe-loover, but a Selfe-loover. He that thought to make himself famous with his overweening and braving I'll, I'll, I'll, might perhaps nourrish an aspiring imagination to imitate his Ego, Ego, Ego, so gloriously reiterated in his gallant Orations. Some smirking minions are fine fellows in their own heads, and some crank Princocks jolly men in their own humours: as desperate in resolution, as the dowtiest rank of Errand knights; and as coye in fantasy, as the nicest sort of simpering dam●…sels, that in their own glasses fi●…d ●…o creature so beautiful, or amiable, as their deli●…ous selves. I have beheld, & who hath not seen some lofty conceits, towering very high, & coying themselves sweetly on their own amounting wings, young feathers of old Icarus. The gay Peacock is woondrously enamoured upon the glittering fan of his own gorgeous tail, and weeneth himself worthy to be crowned the Prince of birds, and to be enthronished in the chair of supreme excellency. Would Christ, the green Popiniay, with his new-fangled jests, as new, as Newgate, were not as much to say, as his own Idol. Quaint wits must have a Privilege to prank-up their dainty limbs, & to fawn upon their own tricksy devices. But they that unpartially know themselves; severely examine their own abilities; uprightly counterpoise defects with sufficiencies; frankly confess, the greatest part of their knowledge, to be the least part of their ignorance; advisedly weigh the difficulties of the painful and toyle-someway, the hard maintenance of credit easily gotten, the impossible satisfaction of unsatisfiable expectation, the uncertain fickleness of private Fantasy, & the certain brittleness of public Fame; are not lightly bewitched with a fond doting upon their own plumes. And they that deeply consider upon the weakness of inward frailty, the casualty of outward fortune, the detraction of Envy, the virulency of Malice, the counter-pollicy of Ambition, and a hundred-hundred empeachments of growing reputation: that aswell divinely, as philosophically have learned to love the gentleness of Humanity, to embrace the mildness of Modesty, to kiss the meekness of Humility, to loathe the odiousness of Pride, to assuage the eagerness of Spite, to prevent the vengeance of Harred, to reap the sweet fruits of Temperance, to tread the smooth Path of Security, to take the firm course of Assurance, and to enjoy the felicity of Contentment: that judiciously have framed themselves to carry Minds, like their Bodies, and Fortunes, as appertaineth unto them, that would be loath to overreach in presumptuous conceit: they I say, and all they that would rather underly the reproach of obscurity, then overcharge their mediocrity with an illusive opinion of extraordinary furniture, and I wot not what imaginary complements; are readier, and a thousand times readier to return the greatest Praises, where they are debt, then to accept the meanest, where they are alms. And I could nominate some, that in effect make the same reckoning of Letters, Sonnets, Orations, or other writings commendatory, that they do of meat without nourishment, of herbs without virtue, of plants without fruit; of a lamp without oil, a link without light, or a fire without heat. Only some of us are not so devoid of good manner, but we conceive what belongeth to civil duty, and will ever be priest to entertain Courtesy with courtesy, & to requite any friendship with friendship: unfeignedly desirous, rather to recompense in deeds; then to gloze, or paint in words. You may easily persuade me to publish, that was long sithence finished in writing, and is now almost dispatched in Print: (the amends must be addressed in some other more material Treatise, or more formal Discourse: and haply Nashes S. Fame may supply some defects of Pierces Supererogation): but to suffer your thrise-affectionate Letters, and Sonnets, or rather your thrise-lavish benevolences to be published, which so far surmount not only the mediocrity of my present endeavour, but even the possibility of any my future emproovement; I could not be persuaded by any eloquence, or importunacy in the world, were I not as monstrously reviled by some other without reason, as I am excessively extolled by you without cause. In which case he may seem to a discreet enemy excusable, to an indifferent friend justifiable, that is not transported with his own passion, but relieth on the judgement of the learnedest, and referreth himself to the Practice of the wisest. In the one, esteeming Plutarch, or Homer, as an hundred authors: in the other Valuing Cato, or Scipio, as a thousand Examples. I never read, or heard of any respective, or considerate person, under the degree of those, that might revenge at pleasure, contemn with authority, assecure themselves from common obloquy, or command public reputation, (mighty men may find it a Policy, to take a singular, or extraordinary course), so careless of his own credit; so reckless of the present time, so senseless of the posterity, so negligent in occurrents of consequence, so dissolute in his proceed, so prodigal of his name, so devoid of all regard, so bereft of common sense, so vilely base, or so hugely haughty of mind; that in case of infamous imputation, or unworthy reproach, notoriously scattered-abroad, thought it not requisite, or rather necessary, to stand upon his own defence according to Equity, and even to labour his own commendation according to the presented occasion. Discourses yield plenty of Reasons: and Histories affourde store of Examples. It is no vainglory to permit with consideration, that abused Modesty hath affected with discretion. It is vanity to control, that true honour hath practised: and folly to condemn, that right wisdom hath allowed. If any dislike Immodesty indeed, despise vanity indeed, reprove Arrogancy indeed, or loath Vainglory indeed; I am as forward with Tongue, and heart, as the foremost of the forwardest: and were my pen answerable, perhaps at occasion it should not greatly lag behind. To accomplish, or advance any virtuous purpose, (sith it is now enforced to be stirring) it might easily be entreated, even to the uttermost extent of that little-little Possibility, wherewith it hath pleased the Greatest to endow it. Howbeit Courtesy is as ready to overloade with praise; as Malice eager to overthrow with reproach. Both overshoot, as the manner is; but malice is the Devil. For my poor part, I hope the One shall do me as little harm, as fair weather in my journey: I am sure, the other hath done me more good, then was intended, and shall never puddle or annoy the course of the clear running water. Albeit I have studied much, and learned little: yet I have learned to glean some handfuls of corn out of the rankest cockle: to make choice of the most fragrant flowers of Humanity, the most virtuous herbs of Philosophy, the most sovereign fruits of Government, and the most heavenly manna of Divinity: to be acquainted with the fairest, provided for the foulest, delighted with the temperatest, pleased with the meanest, and contented with all weather. Greater men may profess, and can achieve greater matters; I thank God, I know the length, that is, the shortness of mine own foot. If it be any man's pleasure to extenuate my sufficiency in other knowledge, or practise, to impeach my ability in words, or deeds, to debase my fortune, to abridge my commendations, or to annihilate my fame, he shall find a cold adversary of him, that hath laid hot passions awatering, and might easily be induced to be the invective of his own Nonproficiency. Only he craveth leave to estimate his credit, and to value his honesty, as behoveth every man, that regardeth any good: and ifwithall it be his unfeigned request, that Order should repeal disorder; moderation restrain licentiousness; discretion abandon vanity; mildness assuage choler; meekness allay arrogancy; consideration reclaim rashness; indifferency attemper passion; Courtesy mitigate, Charity appease, & Unity atone debate: pardon him. Or in case nothing will prevail with fury but fury, and nothing can win desired amity, but pretended hostility, that must drive-out one nail with another, & beat-away one wedge with another according to the Latin Proverb; Pardon him also, that in the resolution of a good mind, will command, what he cannot entreat; and extort, what he cannot persuade. That little may be done with no great ado: and seeing it may as surely, as easily be done, I am humbly to beseech established Wisdom, to wink at one experiment of adventurous Folly; never before embarked in any such action, and ever to eschew the like with a chary regard, where any other mediation may purchase redress. I will not urge, what connivence hath been noted in as disfavorable cases: it is sufficient for me to plead mine own acquittal. Other praise he affecteth not, that in a deep insight into his innermost parts, findeth not the highest pitch of his Hope, equivalent to the lowest pit of your commendation. And if by a gentle construction, or a favorous encouragement, he seemeth any thing in others opinion, that is nothing in his own Censure; the lesser his merit, the greater their mercy; and the barrainer his desert, the frutefuller your liberality. Whose unmeasurable praises I am to interpret, not as they may seem in some bounteous conceit, but as they are in mine own knowledge; good words, but unfitly applied; friendly benevolences, but wastefully bestowed; gallant amplifications, but slenderly   

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL, his especial dear friend, M. Gabriel Harvey, Doctor of Law.  
SWeet M. Doctor Harvey, (for I cannot intitule youwith an Epithet of less value, then that, which the Grecian, and Roman Orators ascribed to Theophrastus, in respect of so many your excellent labours, garnished with the garland of matchless Oratory): if at any time either the most earnest persuasion of a dear friend, and unusually most dear, and constant, adjured thereunto by the singular virtue of your most praiseworthy, and unmatchable wit: or the wonderful admiration of your peerless conceit, embraved with so many gorgeous ornaments of divine Rhetoric: or the doubtless successive benefit thereof, devoted to the glory of our English Eloquence, and our vulgar Tuscanisme (if I may so term it); may work any plausible, or respective motions with you, to beautify, and enrich our age, with those most praise-mooving works, full of gallantest discourse, and reason, which I understand by some assured intelligence be now glowing upon the anvil, ready to receive the right artificial form of divinist workmanship: them let I beseech you, nay by all our mutual friendships I conjure you, (love, and admiration of them, arming me with the placard of farther confidence) those, and other your incomparable writings, speedily, or rather presently show themselves in the shining light of the Sun. That by this Publication of so rare, & rich Discourses, our English Ravens, the spiteful enemies to all birds of more beautiful wing, and more harmonious note, than themselves, may shroud themselves in their nests of basest obscurity, & keep hospitality with bats, and owls, fit consorts for such vile carrions. Good Sir, arise, and confound those Viperous critical monsters, and those profane 〈◊〉 of our Commonwealth; which endeavour with their mutinous, and Serpentine hissing, like geese, not to arm the Senators, and Orators of Rome, but to daunt, astonish, and if it were possible, to overthrow them. And sithence the very thunder-lightning of your admirable Eloquence, is sufficiently available to strike them with a lame Palsy of tongue, (if they be not already smitten with a senseless Apoplexy in head, which may easily ensue such contagious Catharres, and rheums, as I am privy some of them have been grievously deceased withal) miss not, but hit them surely home, as they deserve with Supererogation. You have been reputed evermore, since first I heard of you in Oxford, and elsewhere, to have been as much given to favour, commend, and frequent such, as were approved, or toward in learning, wit, kind behaviour, or any good quality, as may be required in any man of your demerit: an undoubted sign, how much you loath invectives, or any need●…les contentions. I would, (as many your affectionate friends would) it had been your fortune to have encountered some other Paranymphes, than such, as you are now to discipline: most unwillingly, I perceive, but most necessarily, & not without especial consideration, being so manifestly urged, and grossly provoked to defend yourself. But you have ere now been acquainted with patience perforce: and I hope the most desperate swasher of them will one day learn to show himself honester, or wiser. And thus recommending your sweet endeavours, with your graver studies, to the highest treasury of heavenly Muses; I right heartily take my leave with a Sonnet of that Muse, that honoureth the Vrany of du Bartas, and yourself: of du Bartas elsewhere; here of him, whose excellent Pages of the French King, the Scottish King, the brave Monsieur de la Nöe, the aforesaid Lord du Bartas, Sir Philip Sidney, and sundry other worthy personages, deserve immortal commendation. I thank him very heartily, that imparted unto me those few sheets: and if all be like them, truly all is passing notable, ●…nd right singular.  

Sonnet.  

THose learned Orators, Rooms ancient sages,  
Persuasions Pith, directors of affection,  
The minds chief counsel, rhetoric's perfection,  
The pleasant balms of peace, wars fierce outrages:  
Sweet Grecian Prophets, whose smooth Muse assuages  
The Furies powerful wrath, poisons infection:  
Philosophers (by Causes due connexion,  
Matched with th'Effects of Nature) future ages  
Embraving with rich documents of Art:  
The wisest Statesmen of calm Commonweals:  
The learned General Counsels, which impart  
Divinest Laws, whose wholesome Physic heals  
Both Church, and Laity: All in One behold  
Ennobled Arts, as Precious stones in gold.   
From my lodging in Holborn: this of june. 1593.  
Your most affectionate,  
Barnaby Barnes.  
Having perused my former Sonnet, if it may please you Sir, to do as much for your dear friends, Parthenophil, and Parthenophe, they shall have the desired fruit of their short exercise, and will rest beholding to your courteous acceptance: which they would be glad to reacquite in the loovingest manner they may. And so most affectionately recommend themselves unto your good self: whose unblemished fame they will evermore maintain with the best blood of their hearts, tongues, and Pens. We will not faith, how much we long to see the whole Praises of your two notorious enemies, the Ass, and the Fox.   

Sonnet.  

Nash, or the Confuting Gentleman.  
The Muse's scorn; the Courtier's laughingstock;  
The countries Coxcomb; Pr●…nters proper new;  
The cities Leprosy; the Panders stew;  
Virtues disdain; honesties adverse rock;  
〈◊〉 vile champion; slanders stumbling block.  
Grand Orator of Cunny-catchers crew;  
Base hroaching tapster of reports untrue;  
Our modern Viper, and our countries mock;  
True valours Cancer-worme, sweet Learning's rust.  
Where shall I find meet colours, and fit words,  
For such a counterfeit, and worthless matter?  
Him, whom thou railest on at thine own lust,  
Sith Bodine, and sweet Sidney did not flatter,  
His invective thee toomuch grace affords.   
Parthenophil.   

Sonnet.  

Harvey, or the sweet Doctor.  
Sidney, sweet Cignet, pride of Thamesis;  
Apollo's laurel; Mars-his proud prowess:  
Bodine, register of realms happiness,  
Which Italyes, and france's wonder is:  
Hatcher, with silence whom I may not miss:  
Nor Lewen, Rhetoric's richest noblesse:  
Nor Wilson, whose discretion did redress  
Our English Barbarism: adjoin to this  
Divinest moral Spencer: let these speak  
By their sweet Letters, which do best unfold  
Harueys deserved praise: since my Muse weak  
Cannot relate somuch as hath been told  
By these Forenamed: then vain it were to bring  
New feather to his Fame's swift-feathered wing.   
Parthenophe.    

THE PRINTERS ADVERTISSEment to the Gentleman Reader.  
Courteous Gentlemen, it seemed good to M. Doctor Harvey, for brevity-sake, and because he liked not overlong Preambles, or Postambles to short Discourses, to omit the commendatory Letters, and Sonnets of M. Thorius, M. Chewt, and divers other his affectionate friends of London, and both the Universities. Which nevertheless are reserved to be prefixed, inserted, or annexed, either in his defensive Letters, enlarged with certain new Epistles of more special note; or in his Discourses ofNashes S. Fame, already finished, & presently to be published, as these shall like their interteinem●…t: of whose favourable & plausible Welcome, divers learned and fine wits have presumed the best. Howbeit finally it was thought not amiss, upon conference with some his advised acquaintance, to make choice of some two, or three of the reasonablest, and temperatest Sonnets (but for variety, & to avoid tediousness in the entrance, rather to be annexed in the end, then prefixed in the beginning of the present Discourses): one of the foresaid M. Thorius, an other of M. Chewt, and the third of a learned French Gentleman, Monsieur Fregevill Gautius, who hath published some weighty Treatises, aswell Politic, as Religious, both in Latin, and French; and hath acquainted M. Doctor Harvey with certain most profitable Mathematical devices of his own invention. The residue is not added by me, but annexed by the Author himself: whom I humbly recommend to your courteous Censure, and so rest from overtroubling you with my unpolished lines.   

Pierces Supererogation OR A NEW PRAISE OF THE OLD ASS.  

A Preparative to certain larger Discourses, entitled NASHES S. FAME.  
I Was ever unwilling to undertake any enterprise, that was unmeet for me; or to play any part, either in earnest, or in jest, that might ill-beseeme me: and never more unwilling then at this instant, when I must needs do it, or put something in hazard, that I would be loath to commit to the courtesy of adventure. Not because my Confuters sword, or my enemy's daggers carry any credit with the wise; or because my Letters fear any discredit with the honest; or because I cannot abide to be confuted, that daily confute myself, and condemn every mine own default with rigour: but because Silence may seem suspicious to many; Patience contemptible to some; A good mind, A bad heart to those, that value all by courage; A known forbearer of Libelers, A continual bearer of coals; and there is no end of abuses upon abuses, of injuries upon injuries, of contempt upon contempt, where presumptuous Impudence, and odious Slander, the two arrantest vagabonds in the world, may safeconduct themselves, and frankly pass uncontrolled. Yet were that, either all, or the worst of all, I could still vow Silence in brawls, and would still profess Patience in wrongs: (I hate brawls with my heart: and can turn-over A volume of wrongs with a wet finger:) but some cunning men, that carry hoony in their mouths, and gall in their hearts, not so sweet in the Premises, as bitter in the Conclusion, can smoothly, and finely descant upon the least advantage, howsoever injurious: and certain pretty Experiences, by way of sensible instruction, have taught some, that Malice was never such an hypocrite, as now; and the world never such a Scoggin, as now; & the Devil never such a knave, as now: & what a desperate dissoluteness were it in him, that regardeth his good name, to abandon himself, or to relinquish the dearest thing in this life, (I know no dearer thing, then honest credit) to the favour of Envy, or to the discretion of Fortune? Gentlemen, he is hardly bestead for a Patron, that relieth on the tuition of Envy, or reposeth his affiance in the protection of Fortune: and he must not take it unkindly, to be forsaken of other by the way, that forsaketh himself in the way. Even he that loveth not to be his own defender, much less his own praiser, (do him no wrong, my Masters, though ye do him no right) yet hateth to be his own traitor: and hath reason to experiment some round conclusions, before he offer his throat to the blade of villainy, or his forehead to the brand of diffamation. And although he be the subject of his own contempt, and the argument of his own satires: (surely no man less doteth upon himself, or more severely censureth his own imperfections:) yet he in some respects disdaineth to be reviled by the abjects of the world. Whose dispraise in some age were a commendation, and whose praise an invective: but this is a quaint world, and needeth no April showers, to furnish May-games. I protest, I have these many years, not in pride, but in judgement, scorned, to appear in the rank of this scribbling generation: and could not have been hired with a great fee, to publish any Pamflet of whatsoever nature, in mine own name, had I not been intolerably provoked, first by one rakehell, and now by an other, the two impudentest mates, that ever haunted the press: (some have called them knaves in gross: I have found them fools in retail:) but when it came to this desperate point, that I must needs either be a base writer, or a vile Ass in print, the less of the two evils was to be chosen: and I compelled rather to alter my resolution for a time, then to prejudice myself for ever. They that list may feed at the manger with the sons of the Mule: it is an other Table-Philosophy, that I fancy. Howbeit amongst all the misfortunes, that ever happened unto me, I account it my greatest affliction, that I am constrained to busy my pen, without ground, or substance of discourse, meet for an active and industrious world. Every man hath his crosses in one accident, or other: but I know not a greevousser persecution, than a base employment of precious time, necessarily enforced. Other crosses may someway edify: this is a plague without remedy; a torment without end; a hell without redemption. As in the course of my study, it was always my reckoning; He looseth nothing, whatsoever he loseth, that gaineth Time: so in the task of my writing, or other exercise, it is my account; He gaineth nothing, whatsoever he gaineth, that looseth Time. A good matter, delivered in good manner, winneth some estimation with good minds: but no manner sufficient to countenance a contemptible Theme: & a rascal subject abaseth any form: or what hath drowned the memory of the trimmest, and daintiest trifles, that fine conceit hath devised? Were it mine own election, I might worthily incur many reproofs, and justly impute them to my simple choice: but Necessity hath as little free-will, as Law; and compelleth like a Tyrant, where it cannot persuade, like an Orator, or advise like a Counsellor. Any Virtue, an honourable Commonplace, and a flourishing branch of an heavenly tree: Politic, and military affairs, the worthiest matters of consultation, and the two Herculean pillars of noble states: the private lives of excellent personages in sundry courses, and the public actions of puissant nations in sundry governements, shining mirrors of notable use for the present time, and future ages. Were it at my appointment, to dispose freely of mine own hours: O how willingly, and cheerfully could I spend the freshest & dearest part of my life, in such arguments of valour? Learning is a goodly and gallant Creature in many parts: & divers members of that beautiful body upbraid the most-exquisite pen, and most-curious pencil of insufficiency: no diligence toomuch, where no labour enough: the fruitfullest sciences require painefullest industry, and some lively principles would be touched to the quick: whatsoever bookcase, or scholepoint is found by experience to be essential, and practicable in the world, deserveth to be discussed with sharp invention, and sound judgement. I could yet take pleasure, and profit, in canvasing some Problems of natural Philosophy, of the Mathematics, of Geography, and Hydrography, of other commodious experiments, fit to advance many valorous actions: and I would upon mine own charges, travail into any part of Europe, to hear some pregnant Paradoxes, and certain singular questions in the highest professions of Learning, in Physic, in Law, in Divinity, effectually and thoroughly disputed pro, & contra: and would think my travail as advauntageously bestowed to some purposes of importance, as they that have adventurously discovered newfound Lands, or bravely surprised Indieses. What conferences, or disputations, what Parliaments, or Counsels, like those, that deliberate upon the best government of commonwealths, and the best discipline of Churches; the double anchor of the mighty ship, and the two great Luminaries of the world? Other extravagant discourses, not material, or quarrellous contentions, not available, are but wasting of wind, or blotting of paper. What should Exercise, or study, burn the Sun, or the candle in vain? or what should I do against myself, in speaking for myself, if outward respects did not inwardly gripe, and a present exigence lay violent hands upon me? Though extremity be powerable, yet an unwilling will is excusable. Philosophers, and Lawyers can best argue the case of involuntary acts: but what so forcible, as compulsion: or so pardonable, as a passive action? Blame him not, or blame him gently, that would be a little loath, to be dieted at the rack of the old Ass, or to be bitten of the young dog. He is no party in the cause, that pleadeth thus against Aristogiton. Sweet Gentlemen, imagine it to be a speech, addressed unto yourselves. Peradventure the viper did never bite any of you; and the Gods forbidden, it should ever bite you: but when you espy any such pernicious creature, you presently dispatch it: in like manner when you behold a Sycophant, and a man of a viperous nature, look not till he hath bitten some of you, but so soon as he starteth-up, pull him down. And again in an other place of the same sententious, and politic Oration: He that mainetayneth a Sycophant, is by nature and kind an enemy of the good: unless somebody imagine, that the seed and root of a naughty Sycophant ought to remain in the City, as it were for store, or good husbandry. Demosthenes was as deeply wise, as highly eloquent: and hath many such notable sentences, as it were Caveats, or provisoes, against the dangerous enemies of that flourishing City, and especially against Calumniatours, whose viperous sting he could by no means avoid: albeit otherwise such an Orator, as could allure hearts with persuasion, or conjure minds with astonishment. I would no other City loved figs: or must an other City of necessity love figs, because it is grown an other Athens, a mother of eloquence, a nurse of learning, a grandam of valour, a seat of honour, and as Aristotle termed Athens, a garden of Alcinous, wherein one fruit ripeneth upon an other, one pear upon an other, one grape upon an other, and one fig upon an other. The Sycophant be his own interpreter: & if he may be licenced, or permitted to be his own carver too, much good may it do him, and sweet digestion give him joy of his dainty fig. I must have a little care of one, that cannot easily brucke unreasonable sauciness: & would be loath to see the garden of Alcinous made the garden of green, or Motley. It was wont to be said by way of a Proverb; He that will be made a sheep, shall find wolves enough: but forsooth this exceeding-wise world, is a great Asse-maker: and he that will suffer himself to be proclaimed an Ass in print, shall be sure never to want load and load enough. Who so ready to call her neighbour, a scold, as the rankest scold of the parish: or who so forward to accuse, to debase, to revile, to crow-treade an other, as the arrantest fellow in a country? Let his own mouth be his passport, or his own pen his warrant: & who so lewd as his greatest adversary, modesty: or so honest, as his dearest friend, villainy: or so learned, as his learnedest counsel, vanity: or so wise, as his profoundest Author, young Apuleius. What familiar spirit of the Air, or fire, like the glib, & nimble wit of young Apuleius? or where is the Eloquence, that should describe the particular perfections of young Apuleius? Prudence, may borrow, discretion; Logic, arguments; Rhetoric, colours; fantasy, conceits; Steel, an edge; and Gold, a lustre, of young Apuleius. O the rare, and quaint Invention, o the gallant, and gorgeous Elocution: o the brave, and admirable amplifications: o the artificial, and fine extenuations: o the lively portraitures of egregious praises, and dispraises: o the cunning, and strange mingle-mangles: o the pithy jests, and marvelous girds of young Apuleius: the very prodigality of Art, and Nature. What greater impossibility, then to decipher the high, and mighty style of young Apuleius, without a liberal portion of the same elevate spirit? Happy the old father, that begat; and thrice happy the sweet Muses, that suckled, and fostered young Apuleius. Till Admiration hath found-out a smother, and tricksier quill for the purpose: Desire must be content to leave the supple and tidy constitution of his omni-sufficient Wit, undisplayed. Only it becometh gentle minds to yield themselves thankful; and to tender their bounden duty to that inestimable pearl of Eloquence, for this precious glimze of his incomprehensible valour; one short Maxim, but more worth, than all the Axioms of Aristotle; or the Idees of Plato; or the Aphorisms of Hypocrates; or the Paragraphes of luftinian. He knoweth not to manage his pen, that was not born with an Affe in his mouth; a fool in his throat; and a knave in his whole body. Simple men may write against other, or plead for themselves: but they cannot confute cuttingly, like a hackster of Queen-Hith, or bellow lustily, like the foreman of the Herd. I go not about to discover an Ass in an Ox's hide: he needeth no other to pull him by the famous ears, that is so hasty to descry, and so busy to bestir his wisest parts. but what a notable Ass indeed was I, that sought the wings of a mounting Pegasus, or a stying Phoenix, where I found the head, & feet of a braying creature? Some promises, are desperate debts: and many threatenings, empty clouds; or rather armies fight in the air, terrible visions. Simplicity cannot double: and plain dealing will not dissemble. I looked either for a fine-witted man, as quick as quicksilver, that with a nimble dexterity of lively conceit, and exquisite secretaryship, would outrun me many hundred miles in the course of his dainty devices; a delicate minion: or some terrible bombarder of terms, as wild as wildfire, that at the first flash of his fury, would leave me thunder-stricken upon the ground, or at the last volley of his outrage, would batter me to dust, and ashes. A redoubted adversary. But the trimine silk-worm, I looked-for, (as it were in a proper contempt of common fineness) proveth but a silly glow-woorme: and the dreadful engineer of phrases, in steed of thunderbolts, shooteth nothing but dogboltes, and catboltes, and the homeliest bolts of rude folly. Such arrant confuting stuff, as never print saw compiled together, till ma●…ster Villainy became an Author; and Sir Nash a gentleman. Printers, take heed how ye play the Heralds: some lusty gentlemen of the maker, can no sooner bore a Goose-quill, or a Woodcocks seather in their shield, but they are like the renowned Lobbelinus, when he had gotten a new coat: and take upon them, without pity, or mercy, like the only Lords of the field. If ever Esquire raved with conceit of his new Arms, it is Danters' gentleman: that mightily despiseth, whatsoever he beholdeth from the high turret of his crest, and cranckly spiteth upon the heads of some, that were not greatly acquainted with such familiar entertainment. His best friend, be his judge: and I appeal to my worst enemy, whether he ever read a more pestilent example of prostituted Impudence? Were he not a kinsman of the foresaid viper, a Dog in malice, a Calf in wit, an Ox in learning, and an Ass in discretion: (time shall chronicle him, as he is:) was it possible, that any man should have bestowed some broad, and loud terms, as he hath done? Who could abide it, without actual revenge, but he, that entertaineth spite with a smile, maketh a pastime of Strange News; turneth choler into sanguine, vinegar into wine, vexation into sport; and hath a salve for a greater sore?  
Come young Sophisters, you that affect railing in your disputations, and with a clamorous howte would set the Philosophy schools non plus: come old cutters, you that use to make doughty frays in the streets, and would hack-it terribly: come hee-and shee-scoldes, you that love to pleade-it-out invincibly at the bar of the dunghill, & will rather lose your lives, than the last word: come busy commotioners, you that carry a world of quarrellous wits, and mutinous tongues in your heads: come most-redowted Momus, you that will sternly keep heaven, and earth in awe: come running heads, and giddy pens of all humours, you that dance attendance upon oddest fashions; and learn a perfect method, to pass other, and to excel yourselves: such a new-devised model, as never saw Sun before, & may make the gayest mould of antiquity to blush. Old Archilochus, and Theon, were but butchers in their railing faculty: Stesichorus, but a gross bungler: Aristarchus but a curious, and nice fool: Aristophanes and Lucian, but merry jesters: Ibis against Ovid; Mevius against Horace; Carbilius Pictor against Virgil; Lavinius against Terence; Crateva against Euripides; Zoilus against Homer, but rank fowters'. Sallust did but dally with Tully: Demades but toy with Demosthenes: Pericles but sport with Thucy dides, and so forth. For examples are infinite; and no exercise more ancient, than jambiques amongst poets; invectives amongst Orators; Confutations amongst Philosophers; satires amongst Carpers; Libels amongst factioners; Pasquil's amongst Malcontents; and quarrels amongst all. But the Old Age was an Infante in Wit, and a Grammar Scholar in Art: Lucian's Rhetor, never so bravely furnished, will be heard with an Echo: julian will rattle Christendom: Arrius will shake the Church: Macchiavell will yerk the Commonwealth: unico Aretino will scourge Princes: and here is a lusty lad of the Castle, that will bind Bears, and ride golden Asses to death. Were the pith of courage lost, it might be found in his pen: or were the marrow of conceit to seek, where should wit look for wit, but in his Inckebottle? Art was a Dunce, till He was a writer: and the quickest Confuter, a drowsy dreamer, till he put a life into the dead quill, & a fly into the wooden box of forlome Pandora. A point for the Satirist, whose conceit is not a Ruffian in folio: and a fig for the Confuter, that is not a Swashbucler with his pen. Old whimwhams have plodded-on, long enough: fresh invention from the tapp, must have his frisks, & careers an other while: and what comparable to this spout of yarking eloquence? Give me the fellow, that is as Peerless, as Pennyless; and can oppose all the Libraries in Paul's Churchyard, with one wonderful work of Supererogation; such an unmatcheable piece of Learning, as no books can countervail, but his own; the only records of the singularities of this age. Did I speak at a venture, I might deceive, and be deceived: but where Experience is a witness, and judgement the judge, I hope the error will not be unreasonably great.  
There was a time, when I floated in a sea of encountering waves; and devoured many famous confutations, with an eager, and insatiable appetite: especially Aristotle against Plato, and the old Philosophers: divers excellent Platonistes, endued with rare, & divine wits, (of whom elsewhere at large,) justinus Martyr, Philoponus, Valla, Vives, Ramus, against Aristotle: oh but the great master of the schools, and high Chancellor of Universities, could not want pregnant defence: Perionius, Gallandius, Carpentarius, Sceggius, Lieblerus against Ramus: what? hath the royal Professor of Eloquence, and Philosophy, no favourites? Talaeus, Ossatus, Freigius, Minos, Rodingus, Scribonius, for Ramus against them; and so forth, in that hot contradictory course of Logic, and Philosophy. But alas silly men, simple Aristotle, more simple Ramus, most simple the rest, either ye never knew, what a sharpe-edged, & cutting Consutation meant: or the date of your stolen oppositions is expired; and a newfound land of confuting commodities discovered, by this brave Columbus of terms, and this only merchant venturer of quarrels; that detecteth new Indieses of Invention, & hath the winds of Aeolus at commandment. Happy, you flourishing youths, that follow his incomparable learned steps: and unhappy we old Dunces, that wanted such a worthy Precedent of all nimble and lively dexterities. What should I appeal infinite other to their perpetual shame: or summon such, and such to their foul disgrace? Erasmus in Latin, and Sir Thomas More in English, were supposed fine, and pleasant Confuters in their time, and were accordingly embraced of the forwardest and trimmest wits: but alack how unlike this dainty minion? Agrippa was reputed a giant in confutation; a demi-god in omnisufficiency of knowledge; a devil in the practice of horrible Arts: oh, but Agrippa was an urcheon, Copernicus a shrimp, Cardan a puppy, Scaliger a baby, Paracelsus a scab, Erastus a patch, Sigonius a toy, Cuiacius a babble to this Termagant; that fighteth not with simple words, but with double sword: not with the trickling water of Helicon, but with piercing Aqua fortis: not with the sorry powder of Experience, but with terrible gunpowder: not with the small shot of contention, but with the main ordinance of fury. For brevity I overskip many notable men, and valorous Confuters in their several veins: had not affection otherwhiles swinged their reason, where reason should have swayed their affection. But Partiality, was ever the busiest Actor; and Passion, the hottest Confuter: whatsoever plausible cause otherwise pretended: and he is rather to be esteemed an Angel, than a man, or a man of Heaven, not of Earth, that tendereth integrity in his heart; equity in his tongue; and reason in his pen. Flesh, and blood are frail Creatures, and partial discoursers: but he approacheth nearest unto God, & yieldeth sweetest fruit of a divine disposition, that is not transported with wrath, or any blind passion, but guided with clear, and pure Reason, the sovereign principle of sound proceeding. It is not the Affirmative, or Negative of the writer, but the truth of the matter written, that carrieth meat in the mouth, and victory in the hand. There is nothing so exceeding foolish, but hath been defended by some wise man: nor any thing so passing wise, but hath been confuted by some fool. Man's will, no safe rule, as Aristotle saith: good Homer sometime sleepeth: S. Augustine was not ashamed of his retractations: S. Barnard saw not all things: and the best chart may eftsoons overthrow. He that taketh a Confutation in hand, must bring the standard of judgement with him; & make Wisdom the moderator of Wit. But I might aswell have overpassed the censure, as the persons: & I have to do with a party, that valueth both alike, and can fancy no Author, but his own fancy. It is neither reason, nor rhyme, nor wit, nor art, nor any imitation, that he regardeth: he hath builded towers of Supererogation in his own head, and they must stand, whosoever fall. Howbeit I cannot overslipp some without manifest injury, that deserve to have their names enroled in the first rank of valiant Confuters: worthy men, but subject to imperfections, to error, to mutual reproof; some more, some less, as the manner is. Harding, and jewel, were our Eschines, and Demosthenes: and scarcely any language in the Christian world, hath afforded a pair of adversaries, equivalent to Harding, and jewel; two thundering and lightning Orators in divinity: but now at last infinitely overmatched by this hideous thunderbolt in humanity, that hath the only right terms invective, and triumpheth over all the spirits of Contradiction. You that have read Luther against the Pope: Sadolet, Longolius, Omphalius, Osorius, against Luther: Caluin against Sadolet: Melanchthon against Longolius: Sturmius against Omphalius: Haddon against Osorius: Baldwin against Caluin: Beza against Baldwin: Erastus against Beza: Travers against Erastus: Sutcliff against Travers: and so forth: (for there is no end of endless controversies: nor Bellarmine shall ever satisfy the Protestants: nor Whittaker content the Papists: nor Bancroft appease the Precisians: nor any reason pacify affection: nor any authority resolve obstinacy:) you that have most diligently read these, and these, and sundry other, reputed excellent in their kinds, cast them all away, and read him alone: that can school them all in their terms invective, and teacheth a newfound Art of confuting, his alonely Arte. Martin himself but a meacock: and Papp-hatchet himself but a milksop to him: that inditeth with a pen of fury, and the ink of vengeance; and hath cart-loades of papershot, and chainshot at commandment. Tush, no man can blazon his Arms, but himself. Behold the mighty Champion, the double sword-bearer, the redowtable fighter with both hands, that hath rob William Conqueror of his surname, and in the very first page of his Strange News, choppeth-off the head of four Letters at a blow. He it is, that hath it rightly in him indeed; and can roundly do the feat, with a witness. Why, man, he is worth a thousand of these pidlinge and driblinge Confuters, that sit all day buzzing upon a blunt point, or two: and with much ado drisle-out as many sentences in a week, as he will powredowne in an hour. It is not long, since the goodliest graces of the mostnoble commonwealths upon Earth, Eloquence in speech, and Civility in manners, arrived in these remote parts of the world: it was a happy revolution of the heavens, and worthy to be chronicled in an English Livy, when Tiberis flowed into the Thames; Athens removed to London; pure Italy, and fine Greece planted themselves in rich England; Apollo with his delicate troop of Muses, forsook his old mountains, and rivers; and frequented a new Parnassus, and an other Helicon, nothing inferior to the old, when they were most-solemnely haunted of divine wits, that taught Rhetoric to speak with applause, and Poetry to sing with admiration. But even since that flourishing transplantation of the daintiest, and sweetest learning, that humanity ever tasted; Art did but springe in such, as Sir john Cheek, and M. Ascham: & wit bud in such, as Sir Philip Sidney, & M. Spencer; which were but the violetes of March, or the Primroses of May: till the one began to sprowte in M. Robart green, as in a sweeting Imp of the evergreene Laurel; the other to blossom in M. Pierce Penniless, as in the rich garden of poor Adonis: both to grow to perfection, in M. Thomas Nashe; whose prime is a harvest, whose Art a mystery, whose wit a miracle, whose style the only life of the press, and the very hartblood of the Grape. There was a kind of smooth, and cleanly, and neat, and fine elegancy before: (proper men, handsome gifts:) but alack, nothing lively, and mighty, like the brave vino de monte, till his frisking pen began to play the Spirit of the buttery, and to teach his mother-tongue such lusty gambols, as may make the gallantest French, Italian, or Spanish gagliards to blush, for extreme shame of their idiot simplicity. The difference of wits is exceeding strange, and almost incredible. Good lord, how may one man pass a thousand, and a thousand not compare with one? Art may give out precepts, and directoryes in communi forma: but it is superexcellent wit, that is the mother pearl of precious Invention; and the golden mine of gorgeous Elocution. Na, it is a certain pregnant, and lively thing without name, but a quaint mystery of mounting conceit, as it were a knack of dexterity, or the nippitaty of the nappiest grape, that infinitely surpasseth all the Invention, and Elocution in the world; and will bung Demosthenes own mouth with newfangled figures of the right stamp, maugre all the thundering, and lightning Periodes of his eloquentest orations, forlorn creatures. I have had some pretty trial of the finest Tuscanisme in grain; and have curiously observed the cunningest experiments, and bravest compliments of aspiring emulation: but must give the bell of singularity, to the humorous wit; and the garland of victory, to the dominiering Eloquence. I come not yet to the Praise of the old Ass: it is young Apuleius, that feedeth upon this glory: and having enclosed these rank commons, to the proper use of himself, & the capricious flock; adopteth whom he listeth, without exception: as Alexander the great, had a huge intention, to have all men his subjects, and all his subjects called Alexander's. It was strange news for some, to be so assesied: and a work of Supererogation for him, so bountifully to vouchsafe his golden name: the appropriate cognisance of his noble style. God-night poor Rhetoric of sorry books: adieu good old Humanity: gentle Arts, and Liberal Sciences content yourselves: Farewell my dear mothers, sometime flourishing Universities: some that have long continued your sons in Nature; your apprentices in Art; your servants in Exercise; your lovers in affection; and your vassals in duty: must either take their leaves of their sweetest friends; or become the slaves of that dominiering eloquence, that knoweth no Art but the cutting Art; nor acknowledgeth any school, but the Courtesan school. The rest is pure natural, or wondrous supernatural. Would it were not an infectious bane, or an encroaching pocke. Let me not be mistaken by sinister construction, that wresteth and wrigleth every syllable to the worst. I have no reference to myself; but to my superiors by incomparable degrees. To be a Ciceronian, is a flouting stock: poor Homer, a woeful wight, may put his finger in a hole, or in his blind eye: the excellentest histories, and worthiest Chronicles, (inestimable monuments of wisdom, and valour,) what but stolen Antics? the flowers, and fruits of delicate humanity, that were wont to be dainetily and tenderly conserved, now preserved with dust, as it were with sugar, and with hoar, as it were with hoony. That frisking wine, & that lively knack in the right capricious vein, the only book, that holdeth-out with a countenance; and will be heard, when woorme-toungued Orators, dust-footed Poets, and weatherwise historians shall not be allowed a word to cast at a dog. There is a fatal Period of whatsoever we term flourishing: the world runneth on wheels: and there must be a vent for all things. The Ciceronian may sleep, till the Scogginist hath played his part: One sure Coney-catcher, worth twenty Philosophers: A fantastical rhymester, more vendible, than the notablest Mathematician: no profession, to the faculty of railing: all harsh, or obscure, that tickleth not idle fantasies with wanton dalliance, or ruffianly jests: Robin Goodfellow the meetest Author for Robin hoods Library: the less of Cambridge, or Oxford, the fit to compile works of Supererogation: and we that were simply trained after the Athenian, and Roman guise, must be content to make room for roisters, that know their place, and will take it. Titles, and terms are but words of course: the right fellow, that beareth a brain, can knock twenty titles on the head, at a stroke; and with a juggling shift of that same invincible knack, defend himself manfully at the Paper-barre. Though I be not greatly employed, yet my leisure will scarcely serve, to moralise Fables of Bears, Apes, and Foxes: (some men can give a shrewd guess at a courtly allegory:) but where Lords in express terms are magnifically contemned, Doctors in the same style may be courageously confuted. Liberty of Tongue, and Pen, is no Bondman: nippitaty will not be tied to a post: there is a cap of maintenance, called Impudence: and what say to him, that in a superabundaunce of that same odd capricious humour, findeth no such want in England, as of an Aretine, that might strip these golden Asses out of their gay trappings, and after he had ridden them to death with railing, leave them on the dunghill for carrion? A frolic mind, and a brave spirit to be employed with his stripping instrument, in supply of that only want of a divine Aretine, the great rider of golden Asses. Were his pen as supererogatory a workman, as his heart; or his lines such transcendentes, as his thoughts: Lord, what an egregious Aretine should we shortly have: how excessively exceeding Aretine himself; that bestowed the surmountingest amplifications at his pleasure, and was a mere Hyperbole incarnate? Time may work an accomplishment of wonders: and his grand intentions seem to prognosticate no less, than the uttermost possibilities of capacity, or fury extended: would God, or could the Devil, give him that unmeasurable allowance of wit, and Art, that he extremely affecteth, and infinitely wanteth, there were no encounter, but of admiration, and honour. But it may verywell beseem me to conceal defects: and I were best to let him run out his jolly race, and to attend his pleasure at all assays, for fear he degrade me, or call me a Letter-monger. Oh, would that were the worst. Gallant Gentlemen, did you ever see the blades of two brandished sword in the hands of a Fury? See them now: and Lo how the victorious duelist stretcheth-out the arms of his Prowess, to run upon those poor Letters with a main career. Aut nunc, aut n●…nquam: now the deadly stroke must be stricken: now, now he will surely lay about him, like a lusty throssher, and beat all to powder, that cometh in the mighty swinge of his double flail. But I know not what astonishing terror may bedimm my sight: and peradventure the one of those unlawful weapons is no sword, but a shaken firebrand in the hand of Allecto. All the worse: and he twice wo-begon poor soul, that is at once assaulted with Fire, and Iron, the two unmerciful instruments of Mars enraged. God shield quiet men from the hands of such cruel Confuters: whose arguments are swords; whose sentences, murdering bullets; whose phrases, crosbarres; whose terms no less, then serpentine powder; whose very breath, the fire of the match: all exceedingly fearful, save his footing, which may haply give him the slip. He that standeth upon a wheel, let him beware he fall not. I have heard of some feat Stratagems, as sly, as the slyest in Frontine, or Polyen: & could tell you a pretty Tale of a slippery ground, that would make some body's ears glow: but he that revealeth the secret of his own advantage, may have scope enough to beshrew himself. The Egyptian Mercury would provide to plant his foot upon a square; and his Image in Athens was quadrangular, whatsoever was the figure of his hat: and although he were sometime a Ball of Fortune, (who can assure himself of Fortune?) yet was he never a wheel of folly, or an ecle of Ely. The glibbest tongue must consult with his wit; & the roundest head with his feet: or peradventure he will not greatly thank his tickle devise. The Wheelewright may be as honest a man, as the Cutler: the Drawer, as the Cutter: the Deviser, as the Printer: the worst of the six, as the Author: but some tools are false Prophets; and some shops fuller of sophistry, than Aristotle's Elenches: and if never any witty deviser did subtly undermine himself, good enough. I can tell you, the Wheel was an ancient Hieroglyphique of the most-conning Egyptians; & figured none of their highest mysteries of triumph, or glory. But when again I lift-up mine eyes, and behold the glorious picture of that mostthreatning Slassher: is it possible, so courageous a Confuter, should be less terrible, than the Basilisk of Orus Apollo, that with his only hissing, killed the poor snakes, his neighbours? can any Letters live, that he will slay? Were not Patience, or Submission, or any course better, then farther discourse? what fonder business, then to trouble the Print with Pamphlets, that cannot possibly live, whiles the Basilisk hisseth death? Was I wont to jest at Eldertons ballatinge; Gascoignes sonnettinge; Green's pamphleting; Martin's libeling; Hollinsheads engrossing; somebody's abridging; and whatchicaltes translating: & shall I now become a scribbling Creature with fragments of shame, that might long sithence have been a fresh writer with discourses of applause? The very whole matter, what but a thing of nothing? the Method, what but a hotchpott for a gallymafry? by the one, or other, what hope of public use, or private credit? Socrates' mind could as lightly digest poison, as Mithridates' body: and how easily have the greatest stomachs of all ages, or rather the valiantest courages of the world, concocted the harshest, and rankest injuries? Politic Philip victorious Alexander, invincible Scipio, triumphant Caesar, happy Augustus, magnificent Titus, and the flower of the noblest minds, that Immortality honoureth, with a sweet facility gave many bitter reprehensions the slip, and finely rid their hands of roughest obloquys. Philosophy professeth more: and the Philosopher of Emperors, or rather the Emperor of Philosophers, Marcus Antoninus, when he deserved best, could with a felicity hear the worst. Cherish an inward contentment in thyself, my mind: and outward occurrences, whom they will not make, shall not mar. It is as great a praise, to be discommended of the dishonest, as to be commended of the virtuous: say, affirm, confirm, approve, justify what you can, the Captaine-scolde hath vowed the last word: none so bold to adventure any thing, as he that hath no good thing to lose: let him forge, or coin, who will belce●…e him? Lay-open his vanity, or foolery, who knoweth it not? yet who so eager to defend, or offend, with tooth, or nail, by hook or crook? The Art of figs, had ever a dapper wit, a deft conceit, a slick forehead, a smugg countenance; a stinging tongue; a nipping hand; a biting pen; and a bottomless pit of Invention, stored with never-failing shifts of counterfeit cranckes: and my betters by many degrees, have been feign to be the Godsons of young Apuleius. divers excellent men have praised the old Ass: give the young Ass leave to praise himself, and to practise his minion Rhetoric upon other. There is no dealing, where there is no healing. To strive with dirt, is filthy: to play with edged tools, dangerous: to try masteries with a desperate adversary, hazardous: to encounter Demosthenes' Viper, or Apollo's Basilisk, deadly. To intend your own intentions with an inviolable constancy, and to level continually at your own determined scope, without respect of extravagant ends, or cumbersome interruptions: the best course of proceeding, and only firm, cheerful, gallant, and happy resolution. Every by-way, that strayeth or gaddeth from that direct Path, a wandering error: and a perilous, or threatening by-way, a forest of wild beasts. hand, touch not the ranckeling bile, and throw-away the lancing instrument.  
I could conceive no less, than thus, and thus, when I began first to surview that braving Emprese: and ever me thought, Aut nunc, aut nunquam, seemed to prognosticate great tempests at hand, and even such valorous works of Supererogation, as would make an employed man of Florence, or Venice, to break day with any other important business of state, or traffic. I went on, & on, still, and still looking for those presaged woondermentes: & thought it Plato's great year, till I had runne-thorough the armed pikes, and felt the whole dint of the two vengeable unlawful weapons. But I believe, never poor man found his Imagination so hugely mocked, as this confuting juggler coosened my expectation without measure: as if his whole drift had been nothing else, but a pleasurable Comedy, or a mad Stratagem, (like those of Bacchus, and Pan) queintlye devised to defeat the opinion of his ●…edulous reader, and to surprise simple minds with a most unlikely event. A fine piece of conu●…lance in some pageants: and a brave design in fi●…t place. Art knoweth the pageants: and policy the place. In earnest, I expected neither an Orator of the stews: nor a Poet of Bedlam: nor a knight of the alehowse: nor a qu●…an of the Cuckingstole: nor a broker of baggage stuff: nor a peddler of strange news: nor any base trumpery, or mean matters, when Pierce should rack his wit, and penniless stretch-out his courage, to the uttermost extent of his possibility. But with out more circumlocution, pride hath a fall: and as of A Cat, so of Pierce himself, howsoever inspired, or enraged, you can have but his skin, puffed up with wind, and bombasted with vanity. Even when he striveth for life, to show himself bravest in the flaunt-aflaunt of his courage; and when a man would verily believe he should now behold the stately parsonage of heroical Eloquence face to face; or see such an unseen Frame of the miracles of Art, as might amaze the heavenly eye of Astronomy: holla sir, the sweet Spheres are not too-prodigall of their sovereign influences. Pardon me S. Fame. What the first pang of his divine Fury, but notable Vanity: what the second fit, but worthy vanity: what the third career, but egregious vanity? what the glory of his ruffian Rhetoric, and courtesan Philosophy, but excellent villainy? That, that is Pierces Supererogation: and were penniless a person of any reckoning, as he is a man of notorious fame, that, that perhaps, in regard of the outrageous singularity, might be supposed a Tragical, or Heroical villainy, if ever any villainy were so entitled. The present consideration of which singularity, occasioneth me to bethink me of One, that this other day very soberly commended some extraordinary gifts in Nashe: and when he had gravesie maintained, that in the resolution of his conscience, he was such a fellow, as some ways had few fellows; at last concluded somewhat more roundly.  
Well, my masters, you may talk your pleasures of Tom Nash; who yet sleepeth secure, not without prejudice to some, that might be more jealous of their name: but assure yourselves, if M. Pen●…iles had not been deeply plunged in a profound exstasic of kna●…ery, M. Pierce had never written that famous work of Super●…rogation, that now staineth all the books in Paul's-churchyard, and setteth both the universities to school. Till I see your finest humanity bestow such a liber all exhibition of conceit, and courage, upon your neatest wits; pardon me though I prefer one smart Pamster of knavery, before ten blundering volumes of the nine Muses. Dreaming, and smoke amount alike: Life is a gaming, aiugling, a scolding, a lawing, a skirmishing, a war; a Comedy, a Tragedy: the stirring wit, a quintessence of quicksilver; and there is no dead flesh in affection, or courage. You may discourse of Hermes ascending spirit; of Orpheus' enchanting harp; of Homer's divine fury; of Tyrtaeus enraging trumpet; of Pericles bounsinge thunderclaps; of Plato's enthusiastical ravishment; and I wot not what marvelous eggs in moonshine: but a fly for all your flying Speculations, when one good fellow with his oddiestes, or one mad knave with his awke hibber-gibber, is able to put down twenty of your smuggest artificial men, that simper it so nicely, and coily in their curious points. Try, when you mean to be disgraced: & never give me credit, if Sanguine wit put not Melancholy Art to bed. I had almost said, all the figures of Rhetoric must abate me an ace of Pierces Supererogation,: and penniless hath a certain nimble and climbinge reach of Invention, as good as a long pole, and a hook, that never faileth at a pinch. It were unnatural, as the sweet Emperor, Marcus Antoninus said, that the figtree should ever want juice. You that purpose with great sum●…es of ●…uddy, & candles to purchase the worshipful names of Dunces, & Dodipoles, may closely sit, or sokingly lie at your books: but you that intend to be fine companionable gentlemen, smirkinge wits, and whipsters in the world, betake ye timely to the lively practice of the minion profession, and enure your Mercurial fingers to frame semblable works of Supererogation. Certes other rules are fopperies: and they that will seek out the Archmistery of the busiest Modernistes, shall find it neither more, nor less, than a certain pragmatical secret, called Villainy, the very science of sciences, and the Familiar Spirit of Pierces Supererogation. Cousin not yourselves with the gay-nothings of children, & scholars: no priuiti●… of learning, or inspiration of wit, or revelation of mysteries, or Art Notory, counteruayleable with Pierces Supererogation: which having none of them, hath them all, and can make them all Asses at his pleasure. The Book-woorme was never but a pickgoose: it is the Multiplying spirit, not of the Alchemist, but of the villanist, that knocketh the nail one the head, and spurreth cut farther in a day, than the quickest Artist in a week. Whiles other are reading, writing, conferring, arguing, discoursing, experimenting, platforminge, musing, buzzing, or I know not what: that is the spirit, that with a wondrous dexterity shapeth exquisite works, and atchicueth puissant exploits of Supererogation. O my good friends, as ye love the sweet world, or tender your dear selves, be not unmindful what is good for the a●…auncemente of your commendable parts. All is nothing without advancement. Though my experience be a Cipher in these causes, yet having studiously perused the new Arte-notory, that is the foresaid Supererogation; and having shaken so many learned asses by the ears; as it were by the hands; I could say no less, and might think more.  
Something else was uttered the same time by the same Gentleman, aswell concerning the present state of France, which he termed the most unchristian kingdom of the most christian king; as touching certain other news of I wot not what dependence: but my mind was running on my halfpenny, and my head so full of the foresaid round discourse, that my hand was never quiet, until I had altered the title of this Pamphlet, and newly christened it Pierces Supererogation: aswell in remembrance of the said discourse, as in honour of the appropriate virtues of Pierce himself; who above all the writers that ever I knew, shall go for my money, where the currantest forgery, impudence, arrogancy, phantasticalitie, vanity; and great store of little dicretion may go for payment; and the filthiest corruption of abominable villainy pass unlaunced. His other miraculous perfections are still in abeyance: and his monstrous excellencies in the predicament of Chimaera. The bird of Arabia is long in hatching: and mighty works of Supererogation are not plotted, & accomplished attonce. It is pity so hyperbolical a conceit, overhawty for the surmounting rage of Tasso in his furious angoy, should be humbled with so diminutive a wit; base enough for Elderton, and the riffraff of the scribbling rascality. I have heard of many disparagementes in fellowship: but never saw so great Impudence married to so little wit; or so huge presumption allied to so petty performance. I must not paint, though he daub. Pontan decipher thy vaunting Alopantius Ausimarchides a new: and Terence display thy boasting Thraso a new: and Plautus address thy vainglorious Pyrgopolinices anew: here is a brat of Arrogancy, a gosling of the Printing-house, that can teach your braggardes to play their parts in the Print of wonder, & to exploit redowtable works of Supererogation; such as never were achieved in Latin, or Greek. Which deferue to be looked for with such a longing expectation, as the jews look for their kingly Messiah: or as I look for Agrippa's dreadful Pyromachy: for Cardan's multiplied matter, that shall delude the force of the Canon: for Acontius perfect Art of fortifying little towns against the greatest Battery: for the Iliads of all Courtly Stratagems, that Antony Riccobonus magnifically promiseth: for his universal Repertory of all Histories, containing the memorable acts of all ages, all places, and all persons: for the new Calepine of all learned, and vulgar languages, written, or spoken, whereof a loud rumour was lately published at Basill: for a general Pandectes of the Laws, and statutes of all nations, and commonwealths in the world, largely promised by Doctor Peter Gregorius, but compendiously performed in his Syntagma juris universi: for sundry such famous volumes of hugy miracles in the clouds. Do not such Arch-woondermentes of supernatural furniture, deserve arch-expectation? What should the Sons of Art, dream of the Philosopher's Stone, that like Midas, turneth into gold, whatsoever it toucheth: or of the sovereign, and divine Quintessence, that like Esculapius restoreth health to sickness; like Medea, youth to Old-age; like Apollor●…us, life to Death? No Philosopher's Stone, or sovereign Quintessence, howsoever preciously precious, equivalent to such divine works of supererogation. O highminded Pierce, had the train of your words, and sentences been aunswearable to the retinue of your brags, and threats, or the robes of your appearance in person, suitable to the weeds of your ostentation in terms: I would surely have been the first, that should have proclaimed you, the most-singuler Secretary of this language, & the heavenliest creature under the Spheres. Sweet M. Ascham, that was a flowing spring of humanity, and worthy Sir Philip Sidney, that was a flourishing spring of nobi lity, must have pardoned me: I would directly have discharged my conscience. But you must give plain men leave to utter their opinion without courting: I honour high heads, that stand upon low feet; & have no great affection to the gay fellows, that build up with their clambering hearts, and pull down with their untoward hands. Give me the man that is meek in spirit, lofty in zeal: simple in presumption, gallant in endeavour: poor in profession, rich in performance. Some such I know; and all such I value highly. They glory not of the golden Stone, or the, youthful Quintessence: but Industry is their golden Stone; Action their youthful Quintessence; and Valour their divine work of Supererogation. Every one may think as he listeth; & speak as he findeth occasion: but in my fancy, they are simply the simplest fellows of all other, that boast they will exploit miracles, & come short in ordinary reckonings. Great matters are no wonders, when they are menaced, or promised with big oaths: and small things are marvels, when they are not expected, or suspected. I wondered to hear, that Kelly had gotten the Golden Fleece, and by virtue thereof was suddenly advanced into so honourable reputation with the emperors majesty; but would have wondered more, to have seen a work of Supererogation from Nashe: whose wit must not enter the lists of comparison with Kellyes Alchemy: howsoever he would seem to have the Green Lion, and the Flying Eagle in a box. But Kelly will bid him look to the swollen Toad, & the dancing Foole. Kelly knoweth his L●…tum Sapientiae, and useth his terms of Arte. Silence is a great mystery: and loud words but a Coweherds horn. He that breedeth mountains of hope, and with much ado begetteth a molehill (shall I tell him a new tale in old English?) beginneth like a mighty Ox, & endeth like a sorry Ass. To achieve it without ostentation, is a notable praise: but to vaunt it without atchevement, or to threaten it without effect; is but a double proof of a simple wit. Execution showeth the ability of the man: presumption bewrayeth the vanity of the mind. The Sun saith not; I will thus, and thus display my glorious beams, but shineth indeed: the springe braggeth not of gallant flowers, but flourisheth indeed: the Harvest boasteth not of plentiful fruit, but fructifieth in deed. Aesop's fellows being asked, what they could do, answered they could do any thing; but Aesop making a small show, could do much indeed: the Greek Sophisters knowing nothing in comparison, (knowledge is a dry water) professed a skill in all things; but Socrates knowing in a manner all things, (Socrates was a springing rock) professed a skill in nothing: Lullius, and his sectaries, have the signet of Hermes, and the admirable Art of disputing infinitely the omni scibili; but Agrippa, one of the universallest scholars, that Europe hath yielded, and such a one, as some learned men of Germany, France, & Italy, entitled The Omniscious Doctor, Socraticallie declameth against the vanity of sciences, and for my comfort penneth the Apology of the Ass. Never any of these prating vagabonds had the virtuous Elixir, or other important secret: (yet who such monarchs for physic, Chirurgery, Spagirique, Astrology, Palmastry, natural & supernatural Magic, Necromancy, Familiar-spiritshipp, and all profound cunning, as some of these arrant Impostors?) he is a Pythagorean, and a close fellow of his tongue, & pen, that hath the right magisterium indeed; & can dispatch with the finger of Art, that they promise with the mouth of cozenage. They that vaunt, do it not: & they that pretend least, accomplish most. High-spirited Pierce do it indeed, that thou crakest in vain; and I will honour thy work, that scorn thy word. When there was no need, thy breath was the mouth of Aetna; & like a Cyclops, thou didst forge thunder in Mongibello: now the warring Planet was expected in person, and the Fiery Trigon seemed to give the Alarm; thou talkeste of cats meat and dogs meat enough: and wilt try it out by the teeth at the sign of the Dogshead in the pot. Oh, what a chattering Monkey is here: & oh what a dog-fly, is the dogstarr proved? Elderton would have answered this gear out-of-cry: or had I the wit of Scoggin, I could say some thing to it: but I looked for cats meat in aqua fortis, & Dog's meat in Gunpowder; & can no skill of these terms, steeped in thy mother's gutter, & thy father's kennel. Na, if you will needs strike it as dead as a door nail; and run upon me with the blade of cats meat, & the fierbrond of Dogges-meate: I have done. Or in case your meaning be, as you stoutly protest, to trounce me after twenty in the hundred, and to have about with me, with two staves, and a pike, like a tall fellow of Cracovia: there is no dealing for short weapons. Young Martin was an old hackster: & had you played your masters pryzes in his time, he peradventure durst have looked those two staves in the face, and would have desired that pike of some more acquaintance: but Truce keep me out of his hands, that fighteth furiously with two staves of cats meat and a pike of dogs meat: and is resolutely bent, the best blood of the brothers shall pledge him in vinegar. Happy, it is no worse, than vinegar; a good sauce for cats meat, and dogs meat. Gentlemen, you that think prommisse a bond, and use to perform more, than you threaten; never believe Braggadocio again for his sake. When he hath done his best, and his worst: trust me, or credit your own eyes, his best Best is but cats meat, & his worst Worst but Doggs-meate enough. What should I go circuiting about the bush? He taketh the shortest cut to the wood, and dispatcheth all controversies in a few significant terms: not those of Gunpowder, which would ask some charging, and discharging: but these of dogges-meat, which are up with a vomit. He that is not so little, as the third Cato from heaven, or the eight wiseman upon earth, may speak with authority; and christian me a Dunce, a fool, an idiot, a dolt, a goose-capp, an ass, and I wots not what, asifilthy, as filthy may be. Dogged Impudence hath his proper Idiotism; & very clerkly scholeth the ears of Modesty, to spell, Fa-fe-fi-fo-fu. Simple wits would be dealt plainly withal: I stand not upon coy or nice points; but am one of those, that would gladly learn their own imperfections, errors, and follies, in specialissimaspecie: Be it known unto all men by these presents, that Thomas Nashe, from the top of his wit looking down upon simple creatures, calleth Gabriel Harvey a Dunce, a fool, an idiot, a dolt, a goose-capp, an ass, and so fourth: (for some of the residue, is not to be spoken but with his own mannerly mouth): but the wise man in print, should have done well in his learned Confutation, to have showed particularly, which words in my Letters, were the words of a Dunce: which Sentences, the sentences of a fool: which Arguments, the arguments of an Idiot: which Opinions, the opinions of a dolt: which judgements, the judgements of a goose-cap: which Conclusions, the conclusions of an Ass. Either this would be dun, (for I suppose, he would be loath to prove some Asses, that in favour have written otherwise, and in reason are to verify their own testimonies): or he must be fain himself, to eat his own Cattes-meate, & Dogges-meat: and swallow-downe a Dunce, a fool, an idiot, a dolt, a goose-cap, an ass in his own throat; the proper case of his filthiest excrements, and the sink of the famous rascal; that had rather be a Poulcatt with a stinking stur, than a musk-cat with gracious favour. Pardon me gentle Ciuilit●…e: if I did not tender you, & disclaim impudence, I could do him some piece of right; & show him his well favoured face in a Crystal, as true as Gascoignes steele-glas. But trust him not for a dodkin (it is his own request) if I ever did my Doctor's Acts: which a thousand heard in Oxford; and some knew to be done with as little premeditation, as ever such acts were done: (for I answered upon the questions, that were given me by Doctor Cathedrae, but two days before; and read my Cursory Lecture with a days warning:) or if I be not A F awne-guest Messenger between M. Christopher Bird, in whose company, I never dined, or supped these six years, and M. Emmanuell Demetrius, with whom I never drank to this day. Other matters, touching her highness affability toward Scholars, (so her majesties favour toward me must be interpreted:) the Privy watchword of honourable men in their Letters Commendatory, even in the highest degree of praising, (so our high Chancellors' commendation must be qualified:) Nashes grave Censure of Public invectives, and satires, (so Harueyes slight opinion of contentious, and seditious Libels must be crosbitten:) his testimony of Cicero's consolation ad Dolabellam, (which he will needs father upon me in reproach, though his betters will never pen such a peec of Latin, whosoever were the Stepp-Tully:) his derision of the most profitable, and valorous Mathematical Arts, (whose industry hath atcheeved wonders of mightier puissance, than the labours of Hercules:) his contempt of the worthiest people in every faculty, (which he always censureth as his punies, and underlings:) his palpable Atheism, and drinking a cup of Lammeswool to the Lamb of God: his gibinge at Heaven, (the haven, where my deceased brother is arrived,) with a deep cut out of his Grammar rules; Astra petit disertus: the very stars, are scars, where he listeth: and a hundred such, and such Particularities; that require sum larger Discourse; show him to be a youngman of the greenest springe, as beardless in judgement, as in face; and as penniless in wit, as in purse. It is the least of his famous adventures, that he undertaketh to be Green's advocate: as divine Plato assayed to defend Socrates at the Bar: and I know not whether it be the least of his dowtye exploits, that he salueth his friends credit, as that excellent disciple saved his masters life. He may declare his dear affection to his Paramour; or his pure honesty to the world; or his constant zeal to play the devils Orator: but no Apology of green, like Green's Grotes-worth of wit: and when Nash will indeed accomplish a work of Supererogation, let him publish, Nashes Pennyworth of Discretion. If he be learneder, or wiser than other, in so large an assize, as should appear by the report of his own mouth; it is the better for him: but it were not amiss, he should sumtime looke-backe to the budget of Ignorance, and Folly, that hangeth behind him; as otherwhiles he condescendeth to glance at the satchel of his grammar books. Calumny, & her coosen-german Impudence will not always houldout rubbers: and they need not greatly brag of their harvest, that make Phantasie the root, vanity the stalk, Folly the ear, penury the crop, and Shame the whole substance of their studies. To be overbould with one, or two, is something: to be saucy with many, is much: to spare few, or none, is odious: to be impudent with all, is intolerable. There were fair play enough, though foul play were debarred but Boys, fools, and knaves, take all in snuff, when the variance might be debated in the language of Courtesy: and nothing but horseplay will serve, where the colt is disposed to play the jade. Did I list to persecute him in his own vain, or were I not restrained with respective terms of divine, and civil moderation: o Aretin, how pleasurably might I canvas the bawling cur, in a tossing sheet of paper: or o Gryson, who could more easily discover a new Art of riding a headstrong beast? But that which Nashe accounteth the bravery of his wit, and the double crest of his style, I am in discretion to cutof: and in modesty yield it his only glory, to have the foulest mouth, that I ever saw, and the strongest breath, that I ever felt. When witty girding faileth, as it pitifully faileth in every page of that Superarrogatory work: Lord, what odious baggage, what rascal stuff, what villainous trumpery filleth-upp the leaf: and how egregiously would he play the vengeable Sycophant, if the conveyance of his Art, or wit, were in any measure of proportion, correspondent to his pestilent stomach? But in the fellest fit of his Fury, even when he runneth upon me with openest mouth, & his Spite like a poisonous toad, swelleth in the full: as if some huge timpany of wit would presently possess his brain; or some horrible Fiery sprite would fly in my face, and blast me to nothing: then good Dick Tarleton is dead, & nothing alive but Cattes-meat, & Dogges-meat enough. Na, were it not, that he had dealt politicly, in providing himself an authentical surety, or rather a mighty protector at a pinch, such a devoted friend, and inseparable companion, as Aeneas was to Achates, Pylades to Orestes, Diomedes to Ulysses, Achilles to Patroclus, and Hercules to Theseus: doubtless he had been utterly undone. Compare old, and new histories, of far, & near countries: and you shall find the late manner of Sworn Brothers, to be no new fashion, but an ancient guise, and heroical order; devised for necessity, continued for security, and maintained for profit, and pleasure. In bravest actions, in weightiest negotiations, in hardest distresses, in how many cases, One man, no-boddy; and a daily friend, as necessary, as our daily bread. No treasure, more precious: no bond, more indefesible: no castle, more impregnable: no force, more invincible: no truth, more infallible: no element, more needful; then an entire, & assured associate; ever priest, aswell in calamity to comfort, or in adversity to relieve, as in prosperity to congratulate, or in advancement to honour. Life is sweet, but not without sweet society: & an inward affectionate friend, (as it were another Thesame, or a second Self,) the very life of life, and the sweet-harte of the heart. Nashe is learned, & knoweth his Lirripoop. Where was Euryalus, there was Nisus: where Damon, there Pythias: where Scipio, there Laelius: where Apollonius, there Damides: where Proclus, there Archiadas: where Pyrocles, there Musidorus: where Nashe, there his Nisus, his Pythias, his Laelius, his Damides, his Archiadas, his Musidorus; his indivisible companion, with whose puissant help he conquereth, wheresoever he rangeth. Na, Homer nor such an author for Alexander: nor Xenophon for Scipio: nor Virgil for Augustus: nor justin for Marcus Aurelius: nor Livy for Theodosius Magnus: nor Caesar for Selimus: nor Philip de Comines for Charles the fift: nor Macchiavell for some late princes: nor Aretin for some late Courtesans; as his Author for him; the sole author of renowned victory. Marvel not, that Erasmus hath penned the Encomium of Folly; or that so many singular learned men have laboured the commendation of the Ass: he it is, that is the godfather of writers, the superintendant of the press, the muster-maister of innumerable bands, the General of the great field: he, and Nashe will confute the world. And where is the Aegle quill, that can sufficiently advance the first spoils of their new conquests? Whist sorry pen, and be advised how thou presume above the highest pitch of thy possibility. He that hath christened so many notable authors; censured so many eloquent pens; enrolled so many worthy garrisones; & encamped so many noble, and reverend Lords; may be bold with me. If I be an Ass, I have company enough: and if I be no Ass, I have favour to be installed in such company. The name will shortly grow in request, as it sometime flourished in glorious Room: and who then will not sue, to be free of that honourable Company? Whiles they are ridden, I desire not to be spared: when the hott-spurr is weary with tiring them, he will scarcely trouble himself with a skin. Or if he do, I may chance acquaint him with a secret indistillation; He that drinketh Oil of pricks, shall have much ado to void syrup of roses; and he that eateth nettles for provender, hath a privilege to piss upon lilies for litter. Paul's wharf honour the memory of old john Hester, that would not stick with his friend for twenty such experiments; & would often tell me of A Magistral unguent for all sores. Who knoweth not that Magistral unguent, knoweth nothing: and who hath that magistral unguent, feareth no gunshott. The Confuter meant to be famous, like Poggius, that altobe-assed Valla, Trapezuntius, and their defendants, many learned Italians: or might have given a guess at some possible afterclaps, as good as a prognostication of an after-winter. Though Pierce penniless, for a spurt were a rank rider, and like an arrant knight overran nations with a career; yet Thomas Nashe might have been advised, and in policy have spared them, that in compassion favoured him; and were unfeignedly sorry, to find his miserable estate, aswell in his style, as in his purse, and in his wit, as in his fortune. Some complexions have much ado to alter their nature: & Nashe will carry a attach of Pierce to his grave, (we have worse proverbs in english:) yet who seeth not, what apparent good, my Letters have done him, that before overcrowed all comers, and goers with like discretion, but now forsooth hath learned some few handsome terms of respect, and very mannerly beclaweth a few, that he might the more licentiously besmear one. S. Fame give him joy of his black coal, and his white chalk.  
Who is not limed with some default; or who reddier to confess his own imperfections, than miselfe? but when in professed hatred, like a mortal feudist, he hath uttered his very uttermost spite, & wholly disgorged his rancorous stomach: yet can he not, so much as devise any particularaction of trespass, or object any certain vice against me, but only one grievous crime, called Pumps, & Pantofles, (which indeed I have worn, ever since I knew Cambridge,) & his own dearest hart-root, Pride: which I protest before God, and man, my soul in judgement as much detesteth, as my body in nature loatheth poison; or any thing abhorreth his deadly enemy, even amongst those creatures, which are found fatally contrary by natural Antipathy. It is not excess, but defect of pride, that hath broken the head of some men's preferment. Aspiring minds can soar aloft: and Self-conceit, with the countenance of Audacity, the tongue of Impudence, & the hand of Dexterity, presseth boldly into the forwardest throng of the shouldering rank: whiles Discretion hath leisure to discourse, whether somedeal of Modesty were meeter for many, that presume above their condition; and some deal of Selfe-liking fit for some, that have felt no greater want, then want of Pride. It may seem a rude disposition, that sorteth not with the quality of the age: & Policy deemeth that virtue a vice, that modesty, simplicity, that resoluteness, dissoluteness, that conformeth not itself, with a supple & deft correspondence to the present time: but no such ox in my mind, as Tarqvinius Superbus: no such calf, as Spurius Maelius: no such colt, as Publius Clodius: no such Ape, as Lucian's Rhetorician, or the devils Orator. Blind ambition, a noble bayard: proud arrogancy, a golden Ass: vain conceit, a gaudy Peacock: all bravery, that is not effectual, a gay nothing. He upbraideth me with his own good nature: but where such an insolent braggart, or such a pussing thing, as himself: that in magnifying his own babble, & debasing me, revileth them, whose books, or pantofles he is not worthy to bear. If I be an Ass, what asses were those courteous friends, those excellent learned men, those worshipful, & honourable personages, whose Letters of undeserved, but singular commendation may be shown? What an ass was thiselfe, when thou didst publish my praise amongst the notablest writers of this realm? or what an Ass art thyself, that in the spitefullest outrage of thy maddest Confutation, dost otherwhiles interlace some remembrances of more account, than I can acknowledge without vanity, or desire without ambition? The truth is, I stand as little upon others commendations, or mine own titles, as any man in England whosoever; if there be nothing else to solicit my cause: but being so shamefully and intolerably provoked in the most villainous terms of reproach, I were indeed a notorious insensate ass, in case I should either sottishly neglect the reputation of so worthy favourers, or utterly abandon mine own credit. Sweet Gentlemen, renowned knights, and honourable Lords, be not ashamed of your Letters, imprinted, or written: if I live, seeing I must either live in tenebris with obloquy, or in luce with proof; by the leave of God, I will prove miselfe no Ass. I speak not only to M. Bird, M. Spencer, or Monsieur Bodin, whom he nothing regardeth: (yet I would his own learning, or judgement were any way matchable with the worst of the three:) but amongst a number of sundry other learned, and gallant Gentlemen, to M. Thomas Watson, a notable Poet; to M. Thomas Hatcher, a rare Antiquary; to M. Daniel Rogers of the Court; to Doctor Griffin Floyd, the Queen's professor oflawe at Oxford; to Doctor Peter Baro a professor of divinity in Cambridg; to Doctor Bartholomew Clark, late Deane of the Arches; to Doctor William Lewen, judge of the prerogative Court; to Doctor john Thomas Freigius, a famous writer of Germany: to Sir Philip Sidney; to M. Secretary Wilson; to Sir Thomas Smith; to Sir Walter Mildmay; to milord the bishop of Rochester; to milord Treasurer; to milord the Earl of Leicester: Unto whose worshipful and honourable favours I have been exceedingly beholding for letters of extraordinary commendation; such, as some of good experience have doubted, whether they ever vouchsafed the like unto any of either university. I beseech God, I may deserve the least part of their good opinion, either in effectual proof, or in dutiful thankfulness: but how little soever I presume of mine own sufficiency, (he that knoweth himself, hath small cause to conceive any high hope of low means:) as in reason I was not to flatter miselfe with their bountiful commendation; so in judgement I am not to agreeve miselfe with the odious detraction of this pestilent libeler, or any like despiteous slanderer: but in patience am to digest the one with moderation, as in temperance I qualified the other with modesty. Some would say, what is the peevish grudge of one beggarly rakehell, to so honourable liking of so many excellent, & some singular men? But god in heaven, teach me to take good by my adversaries invective; and no harm by my favourers approbation. It is neither the one, nor the other, that deserveth evil, or well; but the thing itself, that edifieth; without which, praise is smoke; and with which, dispraise is fire. Let me enjoy that essential point: & hawk, or hunt, or fish after praise, you that list. Many contumelious, and more glorious reports have passed from Enemies, & Friends, without cause, or upon small occasion: that is the only infamy, that cannot acquit itself from guiltiness; & that the only honour, that is grounded upon desert. Other winds of diffamation, want matter to uphold it: and other shadows of glory, lack a body to support it. In unhappiness they are happy, of whose bad amounteth good; & in happiness they unhappy, whose good proveth bad: as glory eftsoons followeth them, that fly from it, & flieth from them, that follow it. There is a Term Probatory, that will not lie: and commendations are never authentical, until they be signed with the seal of approved Desert, the only infallible Testimonial. Desert, (maugre Envy, the companion of Virtue) Socrates high way to Honour; & the total sum of Osorius De Gloria. I will not enter into Macchiavels' discourses, iovius Elogyes, Cardan's nativities, Cosmopolites Dialogues, or later Histories in divers languages: but some worthily continue honourable, whom they make dishonourable, & contrariwise. Reason hath an even hand, and dispenseth to every one his right: Art amplifieth, or extenuateth at occasion: the residue, is the liberality of the pen, or the poison of the ink: in Logic, Sophistry; in law, injury; in history, a fable; in divinity, a lie. Horace, a sharp, and sententious Poet, after his pithy manner, compriseth much in few words: 
Falsus honor juuat, & mendax infamia terret,   
Quem nisi mendacem, & mendosum? For mine own part, I am reasonably resolute both ways, & stand afraid of fantastical discredit, as I esteem imaginative credit, or a contemplative banquett. It fitteth not with the profession of a Philosopher, or the constancy of a man, to carry the mind of a child, or an youth, or a woman, or a slave, or a tyrant, or a beast. That resteth not in my power, to reform, or alter, I were very unwise if I should not endure with patience, mitigate with reason, & contemn with pleasure. Only I can be content in certain behoveful respects, to yield a piece of a satisfaction unto some, that require it in affectionate terms: and what honest mind, in case of mortality, hath not a care, how the posterity may be informed of him? Other reasons I have elsewhere assigned: and am here to present a vow to Humility, in detestation of that, which my disposition abhorreth.  
As for his lewd supposals, & imputations of counterfeit praises, without any probability of circumstance, or the least suspicion, but in his own vengeable malicious head, the common forge of pestilent surmyzes, and arrant slanders; they are like my imprisonment in the Fleet of his strong Fantasy, and do but intimate his own skill in falsifying of evidence, and suborning of witnesses to his purpose: he museth, as he useth; & the goodwife his mother would never have sought her daughter in the Ooven, if herself had not been well acquainted with such shifts of cunning conveyance. He was never a non proficient in good matters,; and hath not studied his fellows Art of Cunnycatching for nothing. Examine the Printers gentle Preamble before the Supplication to the Devil: and tell me in good sooth, by the verdict of the Tuchstone, whether Pierce penniless commend Pierce penniless, or no; and whether that sorry praise of the Author Thomas Nashe, be not loathsome from the mouth of the Printer Thomas Nashe. In coniectural causes I am not to avouch any thing; and I mentioned not any such supposition before: but the tenor of the style, & as it were the identity of the phrase, together with this new descant of his profound insight in forgery, may after a sort tell tales out of the title De Secretis non revelandis; & yield a certain strong savour of a vehement presumption. There is pregnant evidence enough, though I leave probable conrectures, & violent presumptions, where I found them. His Life daily 〈◊〉 his Style; & his Style notoriously bewrayeth his Life. But what is that to me, or the world, how Nashe liveth; or how the poor fellow his father hath put him to his foisting, and scribbling shifts; his only gloria patri, when all is done. Rule thy desperate infamous pen; & be the son of a mule, or the printers Gentleman, or what thou wilt for me. If thou wilt needs derive thy pedigree from the noble blood of the Kilprickes, and Childeberds, kings of France: what commission have I to sit upon Genealogies, or to call nobility in question? If thou beast disposed to speak as thou livest, & to live like Tonosconcoleros, the famous Babylonian king: in courtesy, or in policy forbear one, that is not overhasty to trouble himself with trobling other. What I have heard credibly reported, I can yet be content to smother in silence: & neither threaten thee with Tyburn, nor Newgate, nor Ouldgate, nor Counter, nor Fleet, nor any public penance; but wish thy amendment: and dare not be too saucy with your good qualities, les you confute my Mastership of Art, as you have done my Doctorship of Law. Never poor Doctorship was so confuted. The best is, I dote not upon it; and would rather be actually degraded, than any way disparaged the degree, or derogate from them, that are worthier ofit. Rest you quiet; and I will not only not struggle with you for a title; but offer here to renounce the whole advantage of a late inquisition, upon a clamorous denunciation of S. Fame herself: who presumed she might be as bold to play the blab with you, as you were to play the sloven with her. Or if your pen be so rank, that it cannot stand upon any ground, but the soil of Calumny, in the muck-yard of Impudence: or your tongue so laxative, that it must utterly utter a great horrible deal more than all; whuist a while: and for your instruction, till some pregnanter lessons come abroad, I will briefly tell you in your care, A certain familiar history; of more than one or two breakefastes, wherein some eight or nine eggs, & a pound of butter for your poor part, with God's plenty of other victuals, & wine enough, powred-in by quarts, and pottels, was a scant pittance for an invincible stomach, two hours before his ordinary. I have readd of Apicius, and Epicures Philosophy: but I perceive you mean not to be accounted a Pythagorean, or a Stoic. What? gorge upon gorge, eggs upon eggs, & sack upon sack at these years? Berlady, Sir Kilpricke, you must provide for a hot kitchen against you grow old; if you purpose to live Doctor Pernes, or Doctor Kenols' years. Such egging and whitling may happen bring you acquainted with the triumphant chariot of rotten eggs; if you take not the better order in time, with one, or two of the seven deadly sins. I will not offend your stomach with the nice and quaint regiment of the dainty Platonistes, or pure Pythagoreans: fine Theurgy, too-gant and meager a doctrine for the devils Orator: if the Art Notory, cannot be gotten without fasting, and praying, muchgoditch-them that have it: let fantastical, or superstitious Abstinence, dance in the air, like Aristophanes' clouds, or Apuleius witches: your own method of those deadly sins, be your Castle of Health. No remedy, you must be dieted; & lett-blood in the Cephalica vein of Asses, fools, dolts, idiots, Dunces, dodipoules, and so forth infinitely: & never trust me, if you be not as tame-tonged, and barren-witted, as other honest men of Lombary, & the Low-cuntries'. Tush man, I see deeper into thee, than thou see'st into thyself: thou hast a superficial tange of some little something, as good as nothing; and a running wit, as fisking as any fisgig, but as shallow as Trumpington ford, and as slight as the new workmanship of guegawes to please children, or of toys to mock apes, or of trinketts to conquer savages. Only in that singular vein of asses, thou art incomparable; and such an egregious arrant foole-munger, as liveth not again. She knew what she said, that entitled Pierce, the hoggeshed of wit: penniless, the tosspot of eloquence: & Nashe, the very inventor of Asses. She it is, that must broach the barrel of thy frisking conceit, and canonize the Patriarch of new writers.  
I will not here decipher thy vnprinted packet of bawdy, and filthy Rhymes, in the nastiest kind: there is a fit place for that discovery of thy foulest shame, & the whole ruffianisme of thy brothel Muse, if she still prostitute her obscene ballads, and will needs be a young Courtesan of old knavery. Yet better a Confuter of Letters, than a confounder of manners: and better the dogges-meate of Agrippa, or Cattes-meate of Poggius, than the swines-meate of Martial, or goates-meate of Arretine. Cannot an Itahan ribald, vomit-out the infectious poison of the world, but an English horrel-lorrel must lick it up for a restorative; and attempt to putrefy gentle minds, with the vilest impostumes of lewd corruption? Phy on impure Ganimeds', Hermaphrodits, Neronists, Messalinists, Dodecomechanists, Capricians, inventors of new, or revivers of old leacheries, and the whole brood of venereous Libertines, that know no reason, but appetite, no Law but Lust, no humanity, but villainy, no divinity but Atheism. Such riotous, and incestuous humours would be lanced, not feasted: the Devil is eloquent enough, to play his own Orator: his Dam an old bawd, wanteth not the broccage of a young Poet: Wanton spirits were always busy, & Duke Allocer on his lusty Cockhorse, is a hot Familiar: the sons of Adam, & the daughters of Eve, have no need of the Serpents carouse to set them agogg: Sodom still burneth; and although fire from heaven spare Gomorra, yet Gomorra still consumeth itself. Even amorous Sonnets, in the gallantest and sweetest civil vein, are but daintyes of a pleasurable wit, or junkets of a wanton liver, or buds of an idle head: whatsoever sprowteth farther, would be lopped. Petrarckes Invention, is pure Love itself; and Petrarckes Elocution, pure beauty itself: his Laura was the Daphne of Apollo, not the T hisbe of Pyramus; a delicious Sapph, not a lascivious Lais; a saving Hester, not a destroying Helena; a nymph of Diana, not a Courtesan of Venus. Aretine's muse was an egregious bawd, & a haggishe witch of Thessalia: but Petrarcks' verse, a fine lover, that learneth of Mercury, to exercise his fairest gifts in a fair subject; & teacheth Wit to be enamoured upon Beauty: as Quicksilver embraceth gold; or as virtue affecteth honour; or as Astronomy gazeth upon heaven; to make Art more excellent by contemplation of excellentest Nature. Petrarck was a delicate man, and with an elegant judgement graciously confined Love within the limits of Honour; Wit within the bounds of Discretion; Eloquence within the terms of Civility: as not many years sithence, an English Petrarck did, a singular Gentleman, and a sweet Poet; whose verse singeth, as valour might speak; and whose ditty, is an Image of the Sun, vouchsafing to represent his glorious face in a cloud. All posterity honour Petrarck, that was the harmony of heaven; the life of Poetry; the grace of Art; a precious tablet of rare conceits, & a curious frame of exquisite workmanship; nothing but neat Wit, and refined Eloquence. Were the amorous muse of my enemy, such alively Spring of sweetest flowers, & such a living Harvest of ripest fruits: I would abandon other loves, to dote upon that mostlovely muse; and would debase the Dyamant in comparison of that most Dyamant muse. But out-upon rank, & loathsome ribaldry, that putrefieth, where it should purify, and presumeth to deflower the most flourishing wits, with whom it consorteth, either in familiarity, or by favour. One Ovid was toomuch for Room; and one Green toomuch for London: but one Nashe more intolerable then both: not because his wit is any thing comparable, but because his will is more outrageous. Ferraria could scarcely brook Manardus, a poisonous Physician: Mantua hardly bear Pomponatius, a poisonous Philosopher: Florence more hardly tolerate Macchiavel, a poisonous politician: Venice most hardly endure Arretine, a poisonous ribald: had they lived in absolute Monarchies, they would have seemed utterly insupportable. Germany, Denmark, Sweden, Polony, Boemia, Hungary, Moscovy, are no soils of any such wits: but neither France, nor Spain, nor Turkey, nor any puissant kingdom, in one, or other Monarchy of the old, or new world, could ever abide any such pernicious writers, depravers of common discipline. Ingland, since it was Ingland, never bred more honourable minds, more adventurous hearts, more valoroushandes, or more excellent wits, then oflate: it is enough for Filly-folly to intoxicate itself, though it be not suffered to defile the land, which the water environeth, the Earth enritcheth, the air ensweeteneth, and the Heaven blesseth. The bounteous graces of God are sown thick, but come up thin: corruption had little need to be fostered: wantonness willbe a nurse, a bawd, a Poet, a Legend to itself: virtue hath much-a do to hold-out inviolably her purposed course: Resolution is a forward fellow, and Valour a brave man; but affections are infections, and appetite must sometime have his swinge. Were Appetite a loyal subject to Reason, and Will an affectionate servant to Wisdom; as Labour is a dutiful vassal to Commodity, and Travail a flying post to Honour; o heavens, what exploits of worth, or rather what miracles of excellency, might be atcheeved in an age of Policy, & a world of Industry. The date of idle vanities is expired: away with these scribbling paltryes: there is an other Sparta in hand, that indeed requireth Spartan Temperance, Spartan Frugality, Spartan exercise, Spartan valiancy, Spartan perseverance, Spartan invincibility: and hath no wanton leisure for the Comedies of Athens; nor any bawdy hours for the songs of Priapus, or the rhymes of Nashe. Had he begun to Aretinize, when Elderton began to ballad, Gascoine to sonnet, turbervile to madrigal, Drant to versify, or Tarleton to extemporise; some part of his fantastical bibble-bables, and capricious pangs, might have been tolerated in a green, and wild youth: but the wind is changed, & there is a busier pageant upon the stage. M. Aschams Toxophilus long sithence shot at a fairer mark: and M. Gascoigne himself, after some riper experience, was glad to try other conclusions in the Low Countries; and bestowed an honourable commendation upon Sir Humfrye Gilbertes gallant discourse, of a discovery for a new passage to the East indies. But read the report of the worthy Western discoveries, by the said Sir Humphrey Gilbert: the report of the brave West-Indian voyage by the conduction of Sir Francis Drake: the report of the horrible Septentrional discoveries by the travail of Sir Martin Forbisher: the report of the politic discovery of Virginia, by the Colony of Sir Walter Raleigh: the report of sundry other famous discoveries, & adventures, published by M. Richard Hackluit in one volume, a work of importance: the report of the hoatt welcome of the terrible Spanish Armada to the coast of Inglande, that came in glory, and went in dishonour: the report of the redoubted voyage into Spain, and Portugal, whence the brave Earl of Essex, and the two valorous Generals, Sir john Norris, and Sir Francis Drake returned with honour: the report of the resolute encounter about the Isles Azores, betwixt the Revenge of Ingland, and an Armada of Spain; in which encounter brave Sir Richard Grinuile most vigorously & impetuously attempted the extremest possibilities of valour and fury: for brevity I overskipp many excellent Traicts the same, or the like nature: but read these, and M. William Borrowghes notable discourse of the variation of the compass, or magnetical needle; annexed to the new Attractive of Robert Norman Hydrographer: unto which two, Ingland in some respects is as much beholding, as Spain unto Martin Cortes, & Peter de Medina, for the Art of Navigation: and when you have observed the course of Industry; examined the antecedents, and consequents of Travail; compared English, and Spanish valour; measured the Forces of both parties; weighed every circumstance of Advantage; considered the Means of our assurance and finally found profit to be our pleasure, provision our security, labour our honour, warfare our welfare: who of reckoning, can spare any lewd, or vain time for corrupt pamphlets; or who of judgement, will not cry? away with these paultringe fidlefaddles. When Alexander in his conquerous expeditions visited the ruins of Troy, and revolved in his mind the valiant acts of the Heroical worthies there achieved; One offered to bring his Majesty, the Harp of Paris: Let it alone, quoth he, it is the Harp of Achilles, that must serve my turn. Paris upon his harp, sang voluptuous, & lascivious Carols: Achilles' harp was an instrument of glory, and a quire of divine Hymns, consecrated to the honour of valorous Captains, and mighty Conquerors. He regarded not the dainty Lydian, Iônian, or Aeolian Melody: but the brave Dorian, and impetuous Phrygian Music: and waged Zenophantus to inflame and enrage his courage with the furious notes of Battle. One Alexander was a thousand Examples of Prowess: but Pyrrhus, the redoubted king of the Epirots, was an other Alexander in tempestuous execution: and in a mostnoble resolution contemned the Vanities of unnoble Pastimes: in so much that, when one of his Barons asked his Majesty, whether of the two musicans, Charisius, or Python, pleased his Highness better: Whether of the two, quoth Pyrrhus; marry Polysperces shall go for my money. He was a brave Captain for the eye, & a fit physician for the ear of Pyrrhus. Happy Polysperces, that served such a master: and happy Pyrrhus that commanded such a servant. Were some demanded, whether Green's, or Nashes Pamflets, were better penned: I believe they would answer; Sir Roger William's Discourse of War, for Militare Doctrine in Esse; and M. Thomas Digges Stratioticos, for Militare Discipline in Esse. And whiles I remember the Princely care of Gelo, a famous Tyrant of Sicill, (many tyrants of Sicill were very politic) that commanded his great horse to be brought into the banqueting house, where other Lords called for the Harp, other Knights for the waits: I cannot forget the gallant discourse of Horsemanship, penned by a rare gentleman, M. john Asteley of the Court: whom I dare entitle our English Xenophon; and marvel not, that Pietro Bizzaro, a learned Italian, proposeth him for a perfect Pattern of Castilios Courtier. And thinking upon worthy M. Asteley, I cannot overpass the like labour of good M. Thomas Blundevil, without due commendation: whose painful, and skilful books of Horsemanship, deserve also to be registered in the Catalogue of Xenophontian works. What should I speak of the two brave Knights, Musidorus, and Pyrocles, combined in one excellent knight, Sir Philip Sidney; at the remembrance of whose worthy, and sweet Virtues, my heart melteth? Will you needs have a written Palace of Pleasure, or rather a printed Court of Honour? Read the Countess of Pembroke's Arcadia, a gallant Legendary, full of pleasurable accidents, and profitable discourses; for three things especially, very notable; for amorous Courting, (he was young in years;) for sage counseling, (he was ripe in judgement;) and for valorous fight, (his sovereign profession was Arms:) and delightful pastime by way of Pastoral exercises, may pass for the fourth. He that will love, let him learn to love of him, that will teach him to Live; & furnish him with many pithy, and effectual instructions, delectably interlaced by way of proper descriptions of excellent Personages, and common narrations of other notable occurrences; in the vein of Sallust, Livy, Cornelius Tacitus, justine, Eutropius, Philip de Comines, Guicciardine, and the most sententious Historians, that have powdered their style with the salt of discretion, and seasoned their judgement with the leaven of experience. There want not some subtle Stratagems of importance, and some politic Secrets of privity: and he that would skilfully, and bravely manage his weapon with a cunning Fury, may find lively Precepts in the gallant Examples of his valiantest Duelists; especially of Palladius, and Daiphantus; Zelmane, and Amphialus; Phalantus, and Amphialus: but chief of Argalus, and Amphialus; Pyrocles, and Anaxius; Musidorus, and Amphialus; whose lusty combats, may seem Heroical Monomachies'. And that the valour of such redoubted men, may appear the more conspicuous, and admirable, by comparison, and interview of their contraries; smile at the ridiculous encounters of Dametas, & Dorus; of Dametas, and Clinias: and ever when you think upon Dametas, remember the Confuting Champion, more surquidrous than Anaxius, and more absurd than Dametas: and if I should always hereafter call him Dametas, I should fit him with a name, as naturally proper unto him, as his own. Gallant Gentlemen, you that honour Virtue, and would enkindle a noble courage in your minds to every excellent purpose; if Homer be not at hand, (whom I have often termed the Prince of Poets, and the Poet of Princes) you may read his furious Iliads, & cunning Odysseys in the brave adventures of Pyrocles, and Musidorus: where Pyrocles playeth the doughty fighter, like Hector, or Achilles; Musidorus, the valiant Captain, like Pandarus, or Diomedes; both, the famous errant Knights, like AEneas, or Ulysses. Lord, what would himself have proved in fine, that was the gentleman of Courtesy, the Esquire of Industry, and the Knight of Valour at those years? Live ever sweet Book; the silver Image of his gentle wit, and the golden Pillar of his noble courage: and ever notify unto the world, that thy Writer, was the Secretary of Eloquence; the breath of the Muses; the hoony-bee of the daintiest flowers of Wit, and Art; the Pith of moral, & intellectual Virtues; the arm of Bellona in the field; the tongue of Suada in the chamber; the spirit of Practice in esse; and the Paragon of Excellency in Print. And now whiles I consider, what a Trumpet of Honour, Homer hath been to sturre-up many worthy Princes; I cannot forget the worthy Prince, that is a Homer to himself, a Golden spur to Nobility, a Sceptre to Virtue, a Verdure to the Spring, a Sun to the day; and hath not only translated the two divine Poems of Salustius du Bartas, his heavenly Vrany, and his hellish Furies: but hath readd a most valorous Martial Lecture unto himself in his own victorious Lepanto, a short, but heroical work, in meeter, but royal meeter, fit for a David's harp. Lepanto, first the glory of Christendom against the Turk; and now the garland of a sovereign crown. When young Kings have such a care of their flourishing Prime; and like Cato, are ready to render an account of their vacant hours; as if April were their july, and May their August: how should gentlemen of years, employ the golden talon of their Industry, and travail: with what fervency; with what vigour; with what zeal, with what incessant, and indefatigable endeour: Fie upon fooleries: there be honourable woerkers to do; and notable works to read. The aforenamed Bar●…as, (whom elsewhere I have styled the Treasurer of Humanity, and the jeweller of Divinity) for the highness of his subject, and the majesty of his verse, nothing inferior unto Dante, (whom some Italians prefer before Virgil, or Homer,) a right inspited, and enravished Poet; full of chosen, grave, profound, venerable, and stately matter; even in the next Degree to the sacred, and reverend style of heavenly Divinity itself. In a manner the only Poet, whom Vrany hath vouchsafed to Laureate with her own heavenly hand: and worthy to be alleged of Divines, and counsellors, as Homer is quoted of Philosophers, & Orators. Many of his solemn verses, are oracles: & one Bartas, that is, one French Solomon, more weighty in stern, and mighty counsel, than the Seven Sages of Greece. Never more beauty in vulgar Languages: but his style addeth favour, and grace to beauty; and in a goodly Body representeth a puissant Soul. How few verses carry such a parsonage of state? or how few arguments, such a spirit of majesty? Or where is the divine instinct, that can sufficiently commend such a volume of celestial inspiration? What a judgement hath the noble youth, the harvest of the Spring, the sap of Apollo's tree, the diadem of the Muses, that leaveth the enticingest flowers of delight, to reap the maturest fruits of wisdom? Happy plants, that speedily shewfoorth their generous nature: and a sovereign good possesseth those worthy minds, that suffer not their affections to be inveigled, or entangled with any unworthy thought. Great Exercises become great personages: as the Magnes approveth his Nobility in commanding Iron, and taming the Sea: base, or meaner pastimes belong unto meaner Persons; as jet discovereth his gentry, in drawing chaff, hairs, and such trifles. A meet quality for jet, or a pretty feat for Amber, to juggle chaff, festues, or the like weighty burdens: but excellent minds are employed, like the noble Magnes, and ever conversant either in effecting, or in perusing, or in penning excellent works. It were an impossible attempt, to do right unto the great Captain, Monsieur de la Noë, and the brave soldier, the French King himself, two terrible thunderbolts of war, and two impetuous whirlwinds of the Field: whose writings are like their actions, resolute, effectual, valiant, politic, vigorous, full of aëry, & fiery spirit, honourable, renowned wheresoever Valour hath a mouth, or Virtue a pen. Can the Warlie Horse speak, as he can run, and fight, he would tell them, they are hot Knights: and could the bloody Sword write, as it can shear, it would dedicate a volume of Fury unto the one, and a monument of Victory unto the other. Albeit men should be malicious, or forgetful, (Spite is malicious, and Ingratitude forgetful) yet Prowess hath a Cloven Tongue; and teacheth Admiration in a fiery language to plead the glorious honour of emproued valiancy.  
Some accuse their destiny: but blessed Key, that openeth such locks: and lucky, most lucky fortune, that yieldeth such ve●…tue. Brave Chivalry, a continual witness of their valour and terribility in war: and gallant Industry, the daily bread of their life, in peace, or truce. Report shining Sun, the days work of the King: and burning Candle, relat●… his Nightes-studdy: and both rid me of an 〈◊〉 For who ever praised the wonders of Heaven?  
And what an infinite course were it, to runne-thorough the particular commendations of the famous redoubted 〈◊〉 or then 〈◊〉 pregnant writers of this age, even in the most-puissant Heroieall, and argonautical kind?  
Nimble Entelechy hath been a stranger in some Countries: albeit a renowned Citisen of Greece; and a free Denisen of Italy, Spain, Fra●…nce, and Germany: but welcome the most-naturall inhabitant of the 〈◊〉, the fail of the ship, the flight of the bow, the shot of the gun, the wing of the Eagle, the quintessence of the mind, the course of the sun, the motion of the heavens, the influence of the stars, the heat of the fire, the lightness of the Air, the swiftness of the wind, the stream of the water, the fruitfulness of the Earth, the singularity of this age: and thank thy most-vigorous self for so many precious works of divine fury, and powerable consequence; respectively comparable with the richest Treasuries, and bravest armouries of Antiquity. Thvise happy, or rather a thousand times-happie Creature, that with most advantage of all honourable opportunities, & with the extremest possibility of his whole powers, inward, or outward; emploieth the most-excellent excellency of human, or divine Nature. Other Secrets of Nature, and Art, deserve an high reputation in their several degrees, and may challenge a sovereign entertainment in their special kinds: but Entelechy is the mystery of mysteries under heaven, and the headspring of the powerfullest Virtues, that divinity infuseth, humanity embraceth, Philosophy admireth, wisdom practiseth, Industry emproueth, valour extendeth; or he conceived, that conceiving the wonderful faculties of the mind, & astonished with the incredible force of a ravished, & enthusiastical spirit; in a profound contemplation of that elevate, and transcendent capacity, (as it were in a deep ecstasy, or Seraphical vision,) most-pathetically cryed-out; o magnum miraculum Homo. No marvel, o great miracle, & o most powerful Entelechy, though thou seemist A Pilgrim to Dametas, that art the Familiar Spirit of Musidorus: & what wonder, though he impeach thy estimation, that despiseth the graces of God, flouteth the constellations of heaven, frumpeth the operations of nature, mocketh the effectuallest & avayllablest Arts, disdaineth the name of Industry, or Honesty, scometh whatsoever may appear Virtuous, fawneth only upon his own conceits, claweth only his own favourits, and quippeth, bourdeth, girdeth, asseth the excellentest writers of whatsoever note, that tickle not his wanton sense. Nothing memorable, or remarkable with him, that feasteth not the riotous appetite of the ribald, or the humorous conceit of the phantast. It is his S. Fame, to be the infamy of learning: his reformation, to be the corruption of his reader: his felicity, to be the misery of youth: his health, to be the scurf of the City, the scab of the University, the bile of the Realm: his salvation, to be the damnation of whatsoever is termed good, or accounted honest. Sweet Gentlemen, and flourishing youths, ever aim at the right line of Art, and Virtue, of the one for knowledge, of the other for valour: and let the crooked rectify itself. Resolution wandereth not, like an ignorant traveler, but in every enterprise, in every affair, in every study, in every cogitation leveleth at some certainty; and always hath an eye to Use, an ear to good report; a regard to worth, a respect to assurance, and a reference to the end. He that erreth, erreth against Truth, and himself: and he that sinneth, sinneth against God, and himself: he is none of my charge: it sufficeth me to be the Curate of mine own actions, the master of mine own passions, the friend of my friends, the pittyer of my enemies, the lover of good wits, and honest minds, the affectionate servant of Arts, & Virtues, the humble Orator of noble Valour, the Commender of the foresaid honourable writings, or any commendable works. Reason is no man's tyrant: & Duty every man's vassal, that deserveth well. Would this pen were worthy to be the slave of the worthiest actors, or the bondman of the abovementioned, and thelike important authors. Such Mercurial, and Martial Discourses, in the active, and chivalrous vein; plead their own eternal honour: and writ everlasting shame in the forehead of a thousand frivolous, & ten thousand fantastical Pamflets. I would to Christ, some of them were but idle toys, or vain trifles: but impurity never presumed somuch of impunity: and licentious folly by privilege, lewd ribaldry by permission, and rank villainy by connivence, are become famous authors: not in a popular state, or a petty-principalitie, but in a sovereign Monarchy, that tendereth politic government, & is to fortify itself against foreign hostility. If Wisdom say not, Phie for shame; & Authority take not other order in convenient time: who can tell, what general plague may ensue of a special infection? or when the kinges-evill is past cure, who can say, we will now heal it? The badst weed, groweth fastest: and no Gangrene so pregnantly dispreddeth itself, as riot. And what riot so pestiferous, as that, which in sugared baits presenteth most poisonous hooks? Sir Skelton, and Master Scoggin, were but Innocents' to signor Capricio, and Monsieur Madness: whose pestilent canker 〈◊〉 all the Medicine of Earth, or heaven.  
My writing, is but a private note for the public advertisement of some few: whose youth asketh instruction, & whose frailty needeth admonition. In the cure of a canker, it is a general rule with Surgeons: It never perfectly healeth, unless the roots and all be utterly extirped; and the flesh regenerate. But the soundest Principle is: Principijs obsta: & it goeth best with them, that never knew, what a canker, or leper meant.  
I still hoped for some graffs of better fruit: but this grand Confuter of my Letters, and all honesty, still proceedeth from worse to worse, from the wilding-tree to the withie, from the dog to the goat, from the cat to the swine, from Primrose hill to Colman hedge: and is so rooted in deep Vanity, that there is no end of his profound folly. Which deserveth a more famous Encomiasticall Oration, than Erasmus renowned Folly: and more gloriously disdaineth any cure, than the Gout. I may answer his hot raving in cold terms: and convince him of what notorious falsehood, or villainy I can: but see the frank spirit of a full stomach: & who ever was so parlously matched? Were not my simplicity, or his omnisuficiencie exceeding great; I had never been thus terribly overchallenged. Gabriel, if there be any wit, or industry in thee, now I will dare it to the uttermost: writ of what thou wilt, in what language thou wilt, and I will confute it, and answer it. Take Truths part, & I will pro●…ue truth to be no truth, marching out of thy doung-voiding mouth: & so forth in the braving tenor of the same redoutable style. Good Gentlemen, you see the sweet disposition of the man; & need no other window into the closet of his conscience, but his own Gloss upon his own Text. Whatsoever poor I say, in any matter, or in any language, albeit Truth aver and justify the same, he will flatly deny, and confute, even because I say it; & only because in a frolic and dowtie jollity, he will have the last word of me. His Grammar, is his Catechism; Si ais, nego: his stomach, his Dictionary in any language: and his quarrel, his Logic in any argument: Lucian, julian, Aretin, I protest were you ought else but abominable Atheists, that I would obstinately defend you, only because Laureate Gabriel articles against you. Were there not otherwise a marvelous odds, and incomprehensible difference betwixt our abilities, he would never dare me, like a bold Pander, with such stout challenges, and glorious protestations: but singular wits have a great advantage of simple men: and ●…unning Falsehood is a mighty confuter of plain Truth.  
No such champion, as he that fighteth obstinately with the target of Confidence, and the longsword of Impudence. If any thing extraordinarily emprooveth valour, it is Confidence: and if any thing miraculously singularizeth wit, it is Impudence. Distrust, is a natural fool: and Modesty, an artificial fool: he that will exploit wondermentes, and karrie all before him, like a sweepe-stake, must have a heart of Iron, a forehead of Brass, and a tongue of Adamant. Pelting circumstances, mar brave executions: look into the proceedings of the greatest doers; and what have they more than other men, but Audacity, and Fortune?  

Audendum est aliquid, Vinclis, & carcere dignum,   
Si vis esse aliquid. Simplicity may have a guess at the Principles of the world: and Nashe affecteth to seem a compound of such Elements; as bold, as aeger, and as aeger, as a mad dog. He will confute me, because he will: and he can conquer me, because he can. If I come upon him with a gentle reply, he will welcome me with a fierce rejoinder: for any my brief Triplication, he will provide a Quadruplication at-large: & so forth in infinitum, with an undauntable courage: for he sweareth, he will never leave me as long as he is able to lift a pen. Twenty such famous depositions proclaim his dowtie resolution, and indefatigable hand at a pight field. Were I to begin again, or cold I handsomely devise to give him the cleanly slip, I would never deal with a spirit of Coleman hedge, or a May-Lord of Primrose hill; that hath all humours in his livery, & can put conscience in a Vice's coat. Na, he will achieve impossibilities; and in contempt of my simplicity, prove Truth a counterfeit, and himself a true witness of falsest lies. But Lord, that so invincible a Gentleman should make so solemn account, of confuting, and reconfuting a person of so little worth in his valuation? Sweet man, what should you think of troubling yourself with so tedious a course, when you might so blithely have taken a quicker order, & may yet proceed more compendiously? It had been a worthy exploit, and beseeming a wit of supererogation, to have dipped a sopp in a goblet of re●…ish wine; and naming it Gabriel, (for you are now grown into great familiarity with that name) to have devoured him up at one bit: or taking a pickle herring by the throat, and christening it Richard, (for you can christian him at your pleasure) to have swallowed him down with a stomach. Did you never hear of detestable jews, that made a picture of Christ; and then buffeted, cuggelled, scourged, crucified, stabbed, pierced, and mangled thesame most unmercifully? Now you have a pattern, I doubt not but you can with a dexterity, choppof the head of a dead hoony-bee, and boast you have stricken john, as dead as a door-nail. Other spoil, or victory (by the leave of the foresaid redoubted daring) will prove a busy piece of work for the son of a mule, a raw Grammarian, a brabbling Sophister, a counterfeit crank, a stolen rakehell, a piperly rymer, a stump-worne railer, a dodkin author: whose two sword, are like the horns of an hodmandod; whose courage, like the fury of a gad-bee; and whose surmounting bravery, like the wings of a butterfly. I take no pleasure to call thee an Ass: but thou proouest thiselfe a Haddock: and although I say not, Thou art a fool, yet thou wilt needs bewray thy diet, and disgorge thy stomach of the Lobster, and coddeshed, wherewith thou didst englutt thiselfe, since thy notorious surfeit of pikle herring, & dogfish. Thou art neither Dorbell, nor Duns, nor Thomas of Aquine: they were three sharpedged, and quicksented schoolmen, full of nimble wit, and intricate quiddities in their arguing kind, especially Duns, and Thomas: but by some of thy cavilling Ergos, thou shouldest seem to be the spawn of javel, or Tartaret: & as very a crab-fish at an Ergo, as ever crawled-over Carters Logic, or the Posteriorums of johannes de Lapide. When I look upon thy first page (as I daily behold that terrible Emprese for a recreation) still methinks there should come flushing-out the great Atlas of Logic, and Astronomy, that supported the orbs of the heavens by Art: or the mighty Hercules of Rhetoric and Poetry, that with certain marvelous fine, and delicate chains, drew after him the vassals of the world by the ears. But examine his suttelliest Ergos, & taste his nappiest Invention, or daintiest Elocution, (he that hath nothing else to do, may hold himself occupied): and Art will soon find the huge Behemoth of Conceit, to be the sprat of a pickle herring and the hideous Leviathan of Vainglory, to be a 〈◊〉 in Wit, a periwinkle in Art, a dandiprat in Industry, a dodkin in Valu; and such a toy of toys, as every right Scholar hisseth at in judgement, and every fine Gentleman maketh the Object of his scorn. He can rail: (what mad Bedlam cannot rail?) but the savour of his railing, is grossly fell, and smelleth noysomly of the pump, or a nastier thing. His gayest floorishes, are but Gascoignes weeds, or Tarlton's trickts or Green's cranks, or Marlowes bravadoes: his jests but the dregs of common fcurrilitie, or the shreds of the theatre, or the offscouring of new Pamflets: his freshest nippitatie, but the froth of stolen inventions, long-since loathsome to quick tastes: his shroving ware, but lenten stuff, like the old pickle herring: his lustiest verdure, but rank ordure, not to be named in Civility, or Rhetoric: his only Art, & the vengeable drift of his whole cunning, to mangle my sentences, hack my arguments, chop and change my phrases, wrinch my words, and hale every fillable most extremely; even to the disjointing, and maiming of my whole meaning. O times: o pastimes: o monstrous knavery. The residue whatsoever, hath nothing more in it, then is usually in every ruffianly Copesmate, that hath been a Grammar scholar, readeth riotous books, hanteth roisterly company, delighteth in rude scoffing, & karrieth a desperate mind. Let him be thoroughly perused by any indifferent reader whomsoever, that can judiciously discern, what is what; and will uprightly censure him according to his skill, without partiality pro, or contra: and I dare undertake, he will affirm no less, upon the credit of his judgement; but will definitively pronounce him, the very Baggage of new writers. I could nominate the person, that under his hand-writing hath styled him, The cockish challenger, the lewd scribbler, the offal of corruptest mouths, the draff of filthiest pens, the bag-pudding of fools, & the very pudding-pittes of the wise, or honest. He might have read of four notable things, which many a jolly man weeneth he hath at will, when he hath nothing less: much knowledge; sound wisdom; great power; & many friends. And he might have heard of other four special things, that work the destruction, or confusion of the forwardest practitioners: a headlong desire to know much hastily a greedy thirst to have much suddenly; an overweening conceit of themselves; and a surly contempt of other. I could peradventure arread him his fortune in a fatal book, as verifiable, as peremptory: but I love not to insult upon misery: & Destiny is a judge, whose sentence needeth no other execution, but itself. No prevention, but deep repentance; an impossible remedy, where deep bstinacie is grounded, and high Presumption aspireth above the Moon. haughty minds may sty aloft, and hasten their own overthrow: but it is not the wainscott forehead of a Rudhuddibras, that can arrear such an huge opinion, as himself in a strong conceit of a mighty conception, seemeth to travail withal: as it were with a flying Bladude, attempting wonderments in the Air, or a Simon Magus, experimenting impossibilities from the top of the Capitol. He must either accomplish some greater work of Supererogation, with actual achievement, (that is now a principal point): or immortalize himself the proudest Vain sot, that ever abused the world with foppish ostentation; not in one, or two pages, but in the first, the last, & every leaf of his Strange News. For the end is like the beginning; the midst like both; and every part like the whole. Railing, railing, railing: bragging, bragging, bragging: and nothing else, but fowl railing upon railing, and vain bragging upon bragging; as rudely, grossly, odiously, filthily, beastly, as ever shamed Print. Unless he meant to sett-upp a Railing School, and to read a public Lecture of bragging, as the only regal professor of that, and that faculty, now other shifts begin to fail; I wonder, his own mouth ca●… abide it without many a phah. You have heard some worthy Premises: behold a brave conclusion: 
Await the world, the Tragedy of Wrath:  
What next I paint, shall tread no common Path:  with an other double Aut, for a gallant Emblem, or a glorious Farewell; Aut nunquam tents, aut perfice. Subscribed with his own hand; Thomas Nash. Not expect, or attend, but a wait: not somefew, some few, or the City, or the University, or this Land, or Europe, but the World: not a Comedy, or a Declamation, or an invective, or a Satire, or any like elenctical discourse: but a Tragedy, and the very Tragedy of Wrath; that shall dash the direfullest Tragedies of Seneca, Euripides, or Sophocles, out of Conceit. The next piece, not of his Rhetoric, or Poetry, but of his Painture, shall not tread the way to Paul's, or Westminster, or the Royal Exchange; but at least shall perfect the Venus' face of Apelles, or set the world an everlasting Sample of inimitable artificiality. Other men's writing in prose, or verse, may plodd-on, as before: but his Pamting will now tread Arare Path; and by the way bestow A new Lesson upon Rhetoric, how to continue a metaphor, or uphold an Allegory with advantage. The treading of that rare Path, by that exquisite Painting, (his works are miracles; and his Painting, can tread, like his dancing, or frisking, no common, but a proper Path) who expecteth not with an attentive, a serviceable, a coovetous, a longing expectation? A wait world: and Apelles tender thy most affectionate devotion, to learn a wonderful piece of curious workmanship, when it shall please his next Painting to tread the path of his most singular singularity. Meanwhile it hath pleased some sweet wits of my acquaintance, (whom Heaven hath baptised the Spirits of harmony, and the Muses have entertained for their Paramours) to reacquite Sonnets with Sonnets, and to snibb the Thrasonical rhymester with Angelical meeter, that may haply appear in fit place: and finely discover young Apuleius in his ramping robe; the fourth Fury in his Tragical Pageant; the new Spirit in his proper haunt, or buttery; and the confuting Devil in the horologe. One She, & too He's have vowed, they will pump his Railing Inkhorn as dry, as ever was Holborn Conduit: and squise his Craking Quill to as empty a sponge, as any in Hosier Lane. Which of you, gallant Gentlemen, hath not stripped his stolen jests into their threadbare rags; or so seldom as an hundred times pitied his crestfallen style, & his socket-worne invention? Who would have thought, or could have imagined, to have found the wit of Pierce, so starved and clunged: the conceit of an adversary, so weatherbeaten, and tired: the learning of a scholar, so purblind, and lame: the elocution of the devils Orator, so lank, so wan, so meager, so blunt, so dull, so fordead, so ghastly, where the masculine Fury meant to play his grisliest, and horriblest part? Welfare a good visage in a bad cause: or farewell Hope, the kindest cozener of forlorn hearts. The desperate mind, that assayeth impossibilities in nature, or undertaketh incredibilities in Art, must be content to speed thereafter. When every attempt faileth in performance, and every extremity foileth the enterpriser, atlast even Impudency itself must be feign to give-over in the plain field: and never yield credit to the word of that most credible Gentlewoman, if the very brazen buckler prove not finally a notorious Dash-Nash. He summed all in a brief, but material Sum; that called the old Ass, the great A, and the est Amen of the new Supererogation. And were I here compelled to dispatch abruptly, (as I am presently called to a more commodious exercise) should I not sufficiently have discharged my task; and plentifully have commended that famous creature, whose praise the Title of this Pamflet professeth? He that would honour Alexander, may crown him the great A. of puissance: but Pyrrhus, Hannibal, Scipio, Pompey, Caesar, divers other mighty Conquerors, & cven some modern Worthies would disdain, to have him sceptred the estamen of Valour. What a brave, and incomparable Alexander, is that great A. that is also the estamen of Supererogation; a more miraculous and impossible piece of work, them the dowtiest puissance, or worthiest valour in the old, or new world? Shall I say, blessed, or peerless young Apuleius, that from the swathing bands of his infancy in Print, was suckled of the sweetestnurses, lulled of the dearest grooms, cockered of the finest minions, cowled of the daintiest paramours, hugged of the enticingest darlings, and more than tenderly tendered of the most delicious Muses, the most-amiable Graces, and the most-powerfull Venues of the said unmatchable great A. the grand founder of Supererogation, and sole Patron of such meritorious clients. As for other remarkable Particulars in the Strange News; Ink is so like Ink, spite so like spite, impudency so like impudency, brocage so like brocage, and Tom-Penniles now, so like Papp-hatchet, when the time was; that I need but overrun an old censure of the One, by way of a new application to the Other. The notes of Martinisme appertain unto those, whom they concern. Pierce would laugh, to be charged with Martinisme, or any Religion: though Martin himself for a challenging, ruffling, and railing: style, not such a Martin. Two contraries; but two such contraries, as can teach Extremities to play the contraries, and to confound themselves.  
Papp-hatchet, desirous for his benefit, to curry favour with a noble Earl; and in defect of other means of Commendation, labouring to insinuate himself by smooth glozing, & counterfeit suggestions, (it is a Courtlyfeate, to snatch the least occasioner of advantage, with a nimble dexterity); some years since provoked me, to make the best of it, inconsiderately; to speak like a friend, unfrendly; to say, as it was, intolerably; without private cause, or any reason in the world: (for in truth I loved him, in hope praised him; many ways favoured him, and never any way offended him): and notwithstanding that spiteful provocation, and even that odious threatening of ten years provision, he had ever passed untouched with any syllable of revenge in Print, had not Green, and this dogfish, abominably misused the verb passive; as should appear, by his procurement, or encouragement, assuredly most undeserved, and most injurious. For what other quarrel, could green, or this dogge-fish ever pick with me: whom I never so much as twitched by the sleeve, before I found miselfe, and my dearest friends, unsufferably quipped in most contumelious, and opprobrious terms. But now there is no remedy, have amongst you, blind Harpers of the Printing house: for I fear not six hundred Crowders, were all your wits assembled in one cap of Vanity, or all your galls united in one bladder of choler. I have lost more labour, than the transcripting of this Censure: which I dedicate neither to Lord, nor Lady, but to Truth, and equity; on whose sovereign Patronage Irelye.   

An Advertisement for Pap-hatchet, and Martin Marprelate.  
PAp-hatchet (for the name of thy good nature is pitifully grown out of request) thy old acquaintance in the Savoy, when young Euphues hatched the eggs, that his elder friends laid, (surely Euphues was someway a pretty fellow: would God, Lilly had always been Euphues, and never Pap-hatchet;) that old acquaintance, now somewhat strangely saluted with a new remembrance, is neither lullabied with thy sweet Pap, nor scarre-crowed with thy sour hatchet. And although in self-conceit thou knowest not thyself, yet in experience, thou mightest have known him, that can Unbutton thy vanity, and Vnlase thy folly: but in pity spareth thy childish simplicity, that in judgement scorneth thy roisterly bravery; and never thought so basely of thee, as since thou began'st to disguise thy wit, and disgrace thy art with ruffianly foolery. He winneth not most abroad, that weeneth most athome: and in my poor fancy, it were not greatly amiss, even for the pertest, and gayest companions, (notwithstanding whatsoever courtly hollywater, or plausible hopes of preferment) to deign their old familiars the continuance of their former courtesies, without contempt of the banainest gifts or impeachment of the meanest persons. The 〈◊〉 man in a parish, is a shrewd fool; and Humanity an Image of Divinity; that pulleth-downe the haughty, and setteth-up the meek. Euphues, it is good to be merry: and Lily, it is good to be wise: and Papp-hatchet, it is better to lose a new jest, than an old friend; that can cram the capon with his own Pap, and hewe-downe the woodcock with his own hatchet. Bold men, and merchant Venturers have sometime good luck: but happ-hazard hath oftentimes good leave to beshrew his own pate; and to embark the hardy fool in the famous Ship of wisemen. I cannot stand nosing of Candlesticks, or euphuing of Similes, alla Savoica: it might haply be done with a trice: but every man hath not the gift of Albertus Magnus: rare birds are dainty; and they are quaint creatures, that are privileged to create new creatures. When I have a mint of precious stones; & strange Fowls, beasts, and fishes of mine own coining, (I could name the party, that in comparison of his own natural Inventions, termed Pliny a barren womb;) I may peradventure bless you with your own crosses, & pay you with the usury of your own coin. In the mean while bear with a plain man, as plain as old Accursius, or Barthol de Saxoferrato; that will make his Censure good upon the carrion of thy unsavoury, and stinking Pamflett; a fit book to be joined with Scoggins works, or the French Mirror of Madness. The very Title discovereth the wisdom of the youngman: as an old Fox not long since bewrayed himself by a flap of his tail; and a Lion, they say, is soon descried by his paw; a Cock by his comb; a Goat by his beard; an Ass by his ear; a wiseman by his tale; an artist by his terms.  

Pap with an hatchet: alias, A Fig for my Godson:  
or, Crack me this nut: or, a Country Cuffe,  
that is, A sound box of the care, & caetera.  
Written by one, that dares call a Dog a Dog.  
Imprinted by john Anoke, and john Astile, for the Bailie  
of Withernam, Cum privilegio perennitatis:  
And are to be sold at the sign of the Crabbtree Cudgel in  
Thwacke-coate Lane.   
What devise of Martin, or what invention of any other, could have set a fairer Oriental Star upon the forehead of that foul libel? Now you see the brand, and know the Blackamoor by his face, turn over the leaf; and by the wittiness of his first sentence, aim at the rest. Milk is like milk: hoony like hoony: Pap like pap: and he like himself; in the whole anotable ruffler, and in every part a doughty braggart. Room for a roister: so that's well said: itch a little further for a good fellow: now have at you all, my gaffers of the railing religion: 'tis I, that must take you a pegg lower. I'll make such a splinter run into your wits: and so forth in the same lusty tenor. A very artificial beginning, to move attention, or to procure good-liking in the reader: unless he wrote only to roister-doisters, & hackster's, or atleast to jesters, and vices. Oh, but in his Preamble to the indifferent reader, he approveth himself a marvelous discreet, and modest man of the soberest sort, were he not provoked in conscience, to answer contrary to his nature, and manner. You may see, how grave men may be made light, to defend the Church. I perceive, they were wise, that at riotous times, when youth was wantonest, and knavery lustiest, as in Christmas, at Shrofetide, in May, at the end of Harvest, and by such wild fits, created a certain extraordinary Officer, called a Lord of Misrule, as a needful governor, or dictator, to set things in order; and to rule unruly people; with whom otherwise there were no Ho. So, when Revell-rout beginneth to be a current Autour; or hurly burly a busy promoter: room for a roister, that will boar them through the noses with a cushion; that will bung-up their mouths with a Collyrium of all the stolen jests in a country; that will suffer none to play the Rex, but himself. For that is the very depth of his plot: and who ever began with more roisterly terms; or proceeded with more ruffianly scoffs; or concluded with more hairebrained tricks; or wearied his reader with more threadbare jests; or tired himself with more weatherbeaten cranckes? What scholar, or gentleman, can read such alehouse and tinkerly stuff without blushing? They were much deceived in him, at Oxford, and in the Savoy, when Master Absalon lived; that took him only for a dapper & deft companion, or a pert-conceited youth, that had gathered-togither a few pretty sentences, and could handsomely help young Euphues to an old Simile: & never thought him any such mighty doer at the sharp. burr I'll, I'll, I'll, is a perilous fellow at a hatchett: these like Death: he'll spare none: he'll show them an Irish trick: he'll make them weep Irish: these good at the sticking blow: his Posy, what care I? Vie stabs, good Ecclesiastical learning in his Apology; and good Christian charity in his Homily. Muster his arrant braveries together: and where such a terrible killcowe, or such a vengeable bullbeggar to deal withal? O dreadful double V that carriest the double stoccado in thy pen, what a double stabber wouldest thou be, were thy hand as tall a fellow, as thy heart, or thy wit as lusty a lad, as thy mind? Other good fellows may tell Tales of Gavin: thou art Sir Gavin revived, or rather Terror in person. Yet shall I put a bean into Gawin's rattling skull: and tell thee, where thy slashing Longsword cometh short? Thou professest Railing; and emproovest thiselfe in very deed an egregious Railer, as disdaining to yield unto any He, or She Scold of this age: but what saith my particular Analysis? Double V is old-excellent at his Cornucopia; and I warrant you, never to seek in his Hornbook: but debar thossame whoreson Tales of a tub; and put him beside his Horning, Gaming, Fooling, and Knaving: and he is no body, but a few pilfered Similes; a little Pedantical Latin; and the highest pitch of his wit, Bulls motion, alias the hangman's apron. His Rhyme, forestalled by Elderton, that hath Ballads lying a steep in ale: his Reason, by a Cambrige wag, a twigging Sophister, that will Ergo Martin into an ague, and concludeth peremptorily, Therefore Tyburn must be furred with Martin's: nothing left for the Third disputer, but Railing through all the moods, and figures of knavery, as they come fresh, and fresh to his hand. All three jump in eodem tertio: nothing but a certain exercise, termed hanging, will serve their turn: (if it be his destiny, what remedy?) they must draw cuts, who shall play the Hangman: and that is the argument of the Tragedy, and the very pap of the hatchet. These are yet all the Common-places of his great Paper-boke, & the whole inventary of his wit: though in time he may haply learn to play at ninehole-nidgets; or to canvas a livery flout through all the Predicaments of the four, & twenty orders. When I first took a glancing view of I'll, I'll, I'll, & durst scarcely, be so hardy, to look the hatchet in the face: methought his Imagination, was headed like a Saracen; his stomach bellied, like the great Globe of Orontius; & his breath, like the blast of Boreas in the great Map of Mercator. But when we began to renew our old acquaintance, and to shake the hands of discontinued familiarity, alas good Gentleman; his mandilion was overcropped; his wit paunched, like his wives spindle; his art shanked, like a lath; his conceit as lank, as a shotten herring; and that same blustering eloquence, as bleak, and wan, as the Picture of a forlorn Loover. Nothing, but pure Mammaday, and a few morsels of fly-blown Euphuisme, somewhat nicely minced for puling stomachs. But there be Painters enough, though I go roundly to work: and it is my only purpose, to speak to the purpose. I long sithence found by experience, how Dranting of Verses, and Euphuing of sentences, did edify. But had I consulted with the Prognostication of john Securis, I might peradventure have saved some lose ends for afterclapps. Now his nephew Hatchet must be content to accept of such spare entertainment, as he findeth.  
It was Martin's folly, to begin that cutting vain: some others oversight, to continue it: and double Vs. triumph, to set it agogg. If the world should applaud to such roisterdoisterly Vanity, (as Impudence hath been prettily suffered to sett-upp the crest of his vainglory:) what good could grow of it, but to make every man madbrayned, and desperate; but a general contempt of all good order, in Saying, or Doing; but an Universal Topsy-turuy? He were a very simple Orator, a more simple politician, and a most-simple Divine, that should favour Martinizing: but had I been Martin, (as for a time I was vainly suspected by such mad Copesmates, that can surmise any thing for their purpose, howsoever unlikely, or monstrous:) I would have been so far from being moved by such a fantastical Confuter, that it should have been one of my May-games, or August-triumphes, to have driven Officials, Commissaries, Archdeacon's, Deans, chancellors, Suffragans, Bishops, and Archbishops, (so Martin would have flourished at the least) to entertain such an odd light-headded fellow for their defence; a professed jester, a Hick-scorner, a scoff-maister, a playmunger, an Interluder; once the foil of Oxford, now the stolen of London, and ever the Apesclogg of the press, Cum Privilegio perennitatis. Had it not been a better course, to have followed Aristotle's doctrine: and to have confuted levity with gravity, vanity with discretion, rashness with advise, madness with sobriety, fire with water, ridiculous Martin with reverend Cooper? Especially in Ecclesiastical causes: where it goeth hard, when Scoggin, the jovial fool, or Skelton the Melancholy fool, or Elderton the bibbing fool, or Will Summer the choleric fool, must play the feat; and Church-matters cannot be discussed without rank scurrility, and as it were a Synod of Diapason fools. Some few have a civil pleasant vain, and a dainty spleen without scandal: some such percase might have repaid the Marr-prelate home to good purpose: other obscenity, or vanity confuteth itself, and impeacheth the cause. As good forbear an irregular fool, as bear a fool heteroclitall: and better abide a comparative knave, that pretendeth religion, then suffer a knave superlative, that setteth cock on hoop. Serious matters would be handled seriously, not upon simplicity, but upon choice; nor to flesh, or animate, but to disgrace, and shame Levity. A glicking Pro, and a frumping Contra, shall have much-adoe to shake hands in the Ergo. There is no end of gird●…s, & bobs: it is sound Arguments, and grounded Authorities, that must strike the definitive stroke, and decide the controversy, with mutual satisfaction. Martin be wise, though Browne were a fool: & Papp-hatchet be honest, though Barrow be a knave: it is not your heaving, or hoisting coil, that buildeth-upp the walls of the Temple. Alas poor miserable desolate most-woefull Church, had it no other builders, but such architects of their own fantasies, and such maisons of infinite contradiction. Time, informed by secrcte intelligence, or resolved by curious discovery, spareth no cost, or travail, to prevent Mischief: but employeth her two worthy Generals, Knowledge, & Industry, to clear the coast of vagrant errors in Doctrine; and to scour the sea of roving conuptions in Discipline. Room was not reared-upp in one day; nor cannot be pulled down in one day. A perfect Ecclesiastical Discipline, or authentic Policy of the Church, (that may avow, I have neither more, nor less, then enough; but just the number, weight, and measure of exact government) is not the work of One man whosoever, or of one age whatsoever: it requireth an incredible-great judgement: exceeding-much reading in Ecclesiastical histories, Counsels, Decrees, Laws: long, and ripe practice in Church-causes. Platforms offer themselves to every working conceit; and a few Tables, or Abridgements are soon dispatched: but, whatsoever pretext may coulerably be alleged, undoubtedly they attempt, they know not what, and enterprise above the possibility of their reach, that imagine they can in a Pamflet, or two, contrive such an omnisufficient, and incorruptible Method of Ecclesiastical government, as could not by any private meditation, or public occasion be found-out, with the study, or practise of fifteen hundred years. I am not to dispute, as a professed Divine; or to determine, as a severe Consour: but a scholar may deliver his opinion with reason; and a friend may lend his advise at occasion: especially when he is urged to speak, or suspected for silence. They must licence me to dissent from them, that authorize themselves to disagree from foe many notable, and worthy men, in the common reputation of so long a space. They condemn superstitious, & credulous simplicity: it were a fond simplicity to defend it, where it swerveth from the Truth, or strayeth out of the way: but discretion can as little commend opiniotive and prejudicate assertions, that strive for a needless, and dangerous Innovation. It is neither the Excess, nor the Defect, but the Mean, that edifyeth. Superstition, and Credulity, are simple Creatures: but what are Contempt, and Tumult? What is the principal cause of this whole Numantine War, but affectation of Novelty, without ground? If all without exception, from the very scholars of the Primitive, and heroical school, wanted knowledge, or zeal: how rare, and singular are their blessings, that have both, in so plentiful, and incomparable measure? Assuredly there were many excellent wits, illuminate minds, and devout souls before them: if nothing matchable with them, what greater Marvel in this age? Or if they were not rightly disciplined, that lived so Virtuously, and Christianly together; what an inestimable treasure is found, & what a clear fountain of holy life? Where are godly minds become, that they embrace not that sacred society? What ail Religious hands, that they stay from buildingupp the City of God? Can Plato's Republic, and Mores Utopia win hearts: and cannot the heavenly Jerusalem conquer souls? Can there be a greater impiety, then to hinder the rearing-up of those celestial walls? why forgetteth the gross Church, that it ought to be the pure kingdom of heaven? To zeal, even speed is delay; and a year, an age. But how maturely, and judiciously some busy motions have been considered-upon by their hot solicitors, it would not pass unexamined. A strong Discipline standeth not upon feeble feet: and a weak foundation will never bear the weight of a mighty Jerusalem. The great shoulders of Atlas oftentimes shrink and saint under the great burden of heaven. The Tabernacle of Moses; the Temple of Solomon; the Golden Age of the Primitive Church; and the silver regiment of Constantine, would be looked-into, with a sharper, and clearer eye. The difference of commonwealths, or regiments, requireth a difference oflawes, and orders: and those laws, and orders are most sovereign, that are most agreeable to the regiment, and best proportioned to the Commonwealth. The matter of Elections, and offices, is a principal matter in question: and how many not only ignorant, or curious, but learned, and considerate wits, have lost themselves, and found error, in the discourse of that subject? But how compendiously might it be concluded, that is so infinitely argued; or how quietly decided, that is so tumultuously debated? I rely not upon the uncertainty of disputable rules; or the subtility of intricate arguments; or the ambiguity of doubtful allegations; or the casualty of fallible experiments: but ground my resolution upon the assurance of such politic, and Ecclesiastical Principles, as in my opinion can neither be deceived grossly, nor deceive dangerously. Popular Elections, and offices, aswell in Churches, as in commonwealths, are for popular states: Monarchies, and Aristocraties, are to celebrate their elections, and offices, according to their form of government, and the best correspondence of their states, Civil, and Ecclesiastical: and may justify their good proceeding by good divinity. As they gravely, and religiously proved, that in the flourishing propagation, and mighty increase of the Catholic Church under Princes, before, in, and after the Empire of Constantine, were driven to vary from some primitive Examples: not by unlawful corruption, as is ignorantly surmised; but by lawful provision, according to the exigence of occasions, & necessity of alteration in those overruling cases: as appeareth by pregnant evidence of Ecclesiastical histories, and Canons; wherewith they are to consult, that affect a deep insight in the decision of such controversies; & not to leap at all adventures, before they have looked about them, aswell backward, as forward, & aswell of the one side, as of the other. Consideration, is a good Counsellor: & Reading, no bad Remembrancer; especially, in the most essential Common-places of Doctrine, and the most important matters of Government. Ignorance may someway be the father ofZeale, as it was wont to be termed the mother of Devotion: but blind men swallow-downe many flies; and none more, than many of them, that imagine they know all, and conceit an absolute omnisufficiency in their own platforms, with an universal contempt of whatsoever contradiction, special, or general, modern, or ancient: when undoubtedly they are to seek in a thousand points of requisite, and necessary consideration. Lord, that men should so please, and flatter themselves in their own devices: as if none had eyes, but they. God never bestowed his divine gifts in vain: they are not so lightly to be rejected, that so gravely demeaned themselves, instructed their brethren, reclaimed infidels, converted countries, planted Churches, confounded Heretics, and incessantly travailed in God's causes, with the whole devotion of their souls: howsoever some can be content to think, that since the Apostles, none ever had the spirit of Understanding, or the minds of sincerity, but themselves. Pardon me pure intelligences, and incorruptible minds. The ancient Fathers, and Doctors of the Church, wanted neither learning, nor judgement, nor conscience, nor zeal: as some of their Greek, and Latin works very notably declare: (if they were blind, happy men that see:) and what wiser Senates, or hollyer Congregations, or any way more reverend assemblies, than some General, and some Provincial Counsels? Where they to a superficial opinion, seem to sett-up a Gloss, against, or beside the Text; it would be considered, what their considerations were; and whether it can appear, that they directly, or indirectly proceeded without a respective regard of the Commonwealth, or a tender care of the Church, or a reverend examination of that Text. For I pray God, we love the Text no worse, from the bottom of our hearts, than some of them did. They are not the simplest, or dissolutest men, that think, Discretion might have leave to cut his coat according to his cloth; and commend their humility, patience, wisdom, and whole conformity, that were ready to accept any requisite order not unlawful, and to admit any decent, or seemly rites of indifferent nature. Put the case, just as it was then, and in those countries; and what if some suppose, that even M. Caluin, M. Beza, M. Meluin, or M. Cartwright, (notwithstanding their new deseignementes) being in the same estate, wherein they were then, and in those countries, would have resolved no otherwise in effect, than they determined. Or if they did not so perfectly well, I pray God we may. Howbeit none so fit to reconcile contradictions, or to accord differences, as he that distinguisheth Times, Places, Occasions, and other swaying Circumstances; high points in government, either Civil, or Ecclesiastical. As in the doubtful Paragraphs, and Canons of the Law of man; so in the mystical oracles of the Law of God; Qui benè distinguit, benè docet: in the one, when he useth no distinction but of the Law, or some reason equipollent to the Law: in the other, when he interpreteth the scripture by the scripture, either expressly by conference of Text with Text, or collectively by the rule of Analogy. In cases indifferent, or arbitrary, what so equal in general, as Indifferency: or so requisite in special, as conformity to the positive I awe, to the custom of the Country, or to the present occasion? To be perverse, or obstinate without necessary cause, is a peevish folly: when by such a dutiful, and justifiable order of proceeding, as by a sacred League, so infinite Variances, and contentions may be compounded. To the clean, all things are clean. S. Paul, that laid his foundation like a wise architect, and was a singular frame of divinity, (omnisufficiently furnished to be a Doctor of the Nations, & a Conuertour of People) became all unto all, and as it were a Christian Mercury, to win some. Oh, that his Knowledge, or Zeal were as rife, as his Name: and I would to God, some could learn to behave themselves toward Princes, and Magistrates, as Paul demeaned himself, not only before the King Agrippa, but also before the two Roman procurators of that Province, Felix, and Festus: whom he entreated in honourable terms, albeit ethnic governors. Were none more scrupulous, then S. Paul, how easily, and graciously might divers Confutations be reconciled, that now rage, like Civil Wars? The chiefest matter in question, is no article of belief, but a point of policy, or government: wherein a judicial Equity being duly observed, what letteth but the particular Laws, Ordinances, Injunctions, and whole manner of jurisdiction, may rest in the disposition of Sovereign Authority? Whose immediate, or mediate acts, are to be reverenced with Obedience, not countermanded with sedition, or controlled with contention. He is a bold subject, that attempteth to bind the hands of sacred Majesty: and they love controversies well, I trow, that call their Princes proceedings into Controversy. Altercations, and Paradoxes, aswell in Discipline, as in Doctrine, were never so curiously curious, or so infinitely infinite: but when all is done, and when Innovation hath set the best countenance of proof, or persuasion, upon the matter; Kingdoms will stand, and Free-Citties must be content. Their Courts, are no Precedents for Royal Courts: their Counsels, no instructions for the Counsels of Kings, or Queens: their Consistories, that would master Princes, no informations for the Consistories under Princes: their Discipline, no Canon, or platform for sovereign government, either in Causes Temporal, or Spiritual. And can you blame them, that marvel, how of all other Tribunals, or benches, that jewish Synedrion, or Pontifical Consistory should so exceedingly grow in request, that put Christ himself to death, and was a whip for his dearest Apostles? I am loath to enter the lists of argumentation, or discourse, with any obstinate mind, or violent wit, that weeneth his own Conceit, a clear Sun without Eclipse, or a full Moon without wanes: but sith Importunacy will never linne molesting Parliaments, and Princes, with Admonitions, Advertisements, Motions, Petitions, Repetitions, Solicitations, Declamations, Discourses, Methods, Flatteries, Menaces, and all possible instant means of enforcing, and extorting the present Practice of their incorruptible Theory; it would be som-bodies task, to hold them a little occupied, till a greater Resolution begin to subscribe, & a surer Provision to execute. May it therefore please the busiest of those, that debar Ecclesiastical persons of all Civil jurisdiction, or temporal function, to consider; how every petty Parish, in England, to the number of about 52000. more, or less, may be made a jerusalem, or Metropolitan Sea, like the noblest City of the Orient, (for so Pliny calleth jerusalem): how every Minister of thesayd Parishes, may be promoted to be an high Priest, and to have a Pontifical Consistory: how every Assistant of that Consistory, may emproove himself an honourable, or worshipful Senior, according to his reverend calling: (for not only the Princes of Families, or the Princes of Tribes, but the Princes of Cities, or judges, the Decurions, the Quinquagenarians, the Centurions, the Chiliarkes, were inferior Officers to the Seniors): how a Princely, and Capital Court, and even the high Council of Parliament, or supreme Tribunal of a Royal City, (for there was no signory in judaea, but at jerusalem; saving when the Proconsul Gabinius in a Roman Policy divided that nation into five parts, and appointed four other Consistories), how such a Princely, and stately Court, should be the pattern of a Presbytery in a poor Parish: how the Principality, or Pontificalitie of a Minister according to the degenerate Sanedrim, should be sett-upp, when the Lordship of a Bishop, or Archbishop, according to their position, is to be pulleddowne: finally how the supremacy over Kings, and Emperors should be taken from the highest Priest, or Pope, to be bestowed upon an ordinary Minister, or Curate: and how that Minister should dispense with Aristotle's Law of instruments, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: or become more mighty than Hercules, that could not encounter two charges attonce: or atleast how that Civil Court, that mere Civil Court, (for so it was; before it declined from the first institution; even as merely civil, as the Roman Senate) should be transformed into a Court merely Ecclesiastical. When these points are considered; if withal it be determined by evident demonstration, as clear as the Sun, and as invincible as Gods-word, that whatsoever the Apostles did for their time, is immutably perpetual, and necessary for all times: and that nothing by way of special respect, or present occasion, is left to the ordinance, disposition, or provision of the Church, but the strict and precise practice of their Primitive Discipline, according to some Precepts in S. Paul's Epistles, and a few Examples in the Acts of the Apostles: So be it, must be the suffrage of us, that have no Voice in the Sanedrim. All is concluded in afewe pregnant propositions: we shall not need to trouble, or entangle our wits with many Articles, Injunctions, Statutes, or other ordinances: the General, Provincial, and Episcopal Counsels, lost much good labour in their Canons, Decrees, and whatsoever Ecclesiastical Constitutions: the works of the fathers, and Doctors, howsoever ancient, learned, or Orthodoxal, are little, or nothing worth: infinite studies, writings, commentaries, treatises, conferences, consultations, disputations, distinctions, conclusions of the most-notable Scholars in Christendom, altogether superfluous. Well-worth afewe resolute Aphorisms; that dispatch more in a word, then could be boulted-out in fourteen hundred years; and roundly determine all with an Upsydown. No reformation without an Upsydown. In deed that is one of Machiavels' Positions: and seeing it is proved a piece of sound doctrine, it must not be gainsaid. Every head, that hath a hand, pull-downe the pride of Bishops, and set up the humility of Ministers. Diogenes tread upon Plato's pomp. An universal reformation be proclaimed with the sound of a jewes-trumpe: let the Pontifical Consistory be erected in every Parish: let the high Priest, or Archbishop of every Parish, be installed in Moses chair, (it was Moses, not Aaron's chair, that they challenge in their Senate: & he must be greater than Hercules, that can fulfil both). let the ministery be a Royal Priesthood; and very Minister within the precinct of his territory, and the dominion of his signory, reign like a Presbyter john: let it everlastingly be recorded for a sovereign Rule, as dear as a jews eye, that josephus allegeth out of the Law; Nihil agat Rex, sine Pontificis, & Sentorum sententia. Only let thesayd pontiff beware, he prove not a great Pope in a little Room; or discover not the humour of aspiring Stukely, that would rather be the king of a moulhill, than the second in Ireland, or England. Some Stoiques, and melancholy persons have a spice of ambition by themselves: and even junius Brutus the first, was somway a kind of Tarqvinius Superbus: and junius Brutus the second, is not altogether a mortified Creature, but bewrayeth as it were some relics of flesh, and blood, aswell as his inwardest friend Eusebius Philadelphus. I dare come no nearer: yet Greenwood, and Barrow begin already to complain of surly, and solemn brethren: and God knoweth, how that Pontifical chair of estate, might work in man, as he is man. Mercury sublimed, is some what a coy, and stout fellow: and I believe, those high, and mighty Peers, would not stick, to look for a low, and humble leg. Every man must have his due in his place: and honour aliably belongeth to redoubted Seniors. That is their proper title at Geneva. Now if it seem as clear a case in Policy, as in Divinity; that one, and the same Discipline may serve divers, and contrary forms of regiment; and be as fit for the head of England, as for the soot of Geneva: the worst is, Aristotle's Politics must be burned for heretics. But how happy is the age, that in stead of a thousand Positive Laws, and Lesbian Canons, hath found one standing Canon of Polycletus, an immutable Law of sacred government? And what a blissful destiny had the Commonwealth, that must be the Model of all other commonwealths, and the very Centre of the Christian world? Let it be so for ever, and ever, if that Pamflet of the Laws, and Statutes of Geneva, aswell concerning Ecclesiastical Discipline, as Civil regiment; deserve any such singular, or extraordinary estimation, either for the one, or for the other. If not; are they not busy men, that will needs bear a rule, and strike a main stroke, where they have nothing to do, or are to be ruled? It were a good hearing in my ear, that some of them could govern themselves, but in reasonable wise sort, that are so forward to sway kingdoms, and to swing Churches after their new fashion; and can stand upon no ground, but their own. If certain of them be godlyer, or learneder, than many other, (according to their favorablest reputation,) it is the better for them: I would also, they were wiser, than some of them, whom they impugn. Surely I fear, they will be found more peremptory in Censure, then sound in judgement; and more smart in reproof, then sharp in proof. And may it not be a probable doubt, how they have compared together the Law of God's people, and the Gospel of Christ's Church in the Bible: or how they have studied josephus, Philo, & Egesippus of the jewish affairs; or Sigonius of the Hebrew Commonwealth; or Freigius his Mosaicus; or their own Bonaventura of the judaical Policy; that fetch their jurisdiction from the Sanedrim corrupted; and ground their Reformation upon the jews Thalmud, the next neighbour to the Turks Alcoran. Had Ramus Treatise of Discipline come to light; they would long-ere-this have been ashamed of their Sanedrim, and have blushed to foist-in the Thalmud, in steed of the Bible. God help poor Discipline, if the water be like the Conduit, the Oil like the Lamp, and the Plant like the Tree. Abraham was the beginning: David the midst: and Christ the end of the Hebrew history: his Gospel, not his enemies Thalmud, the pure fountain of reformation, and the only clear resplendishing Sun, that giveth light to the stars of heaven, & earth; unto which the Church, his most dear and sweet spouse, is more deeply, and more incomprehensibly bounden, than the day unto the Sun, that shineth from his glistering chariot. It is not for a Pontifical Seniory or a Mechanical Eldership, to stop the course of any river, that successively floweth from that liquid fountain: or to putt-out any Candle, that was originally lighted at that inextinguible Lamp. The Church hath small cause, to dote upon the Coosen-germane of Tyranny: and the Commonwealth hath no great affection to the Sworn-brother of Anarchy. Certainly States need not long to entertain tumultuous, and never-satisfied Innovation. Good my masters, either make it an evident, and infallible case, without sophistical wrangling, or personal brawling; that your unexperienced Discipline, not the order approved, is the pure well of that divine Spring, and the clear light of that heavenly Sun: or I beseech you, pacify yourselves, and surcease to endanger kingdoms with unneedefull uproars. Crooked proceed would be rectified by a right, not a crooked line: and Abuses reform, not by abuling the persons, but by well-using the things themselves. I spare my ancients, aswell at home as abroad: yet Beza might have been good to some Doctors of the Church; and better than he is, to Ramus, Erastus, Kemnitius, and sundry other excellent men of this age: (neither can it sufficiently appear, that the two famous Lawyers, Gribaldus, and Baldwinus, were such monstrous Apostates, or poisonous Heretics, as he reporteth): and whither some other, nearer hand, have not been too-familiarly bold with their Superiors, of approved learning, and wisdom, meet for their reverend, and honourable calling; my betters judge.  
Modesty is a Civil Virtue, and Humility a Christian quality: surely Martin is too too-malapert, to be discreet; and Barrow too too-hoat, to be wise: if they be godly, God help Charity: but in my opinion they little wots, what a Chaos of disorders, confusions, & absurdities they breed, that sweat to build a reformation in a monarchy, upon a popular foundation, or a mechanical plot; & will needs be as fiery in execution, even to wring the Club out of Hercules' hand, as they were aëry in resolution. Alas, that wise men, and reformers of states (I know not a weightier Province) should once imagine, to find it a matter of as light consequence, to seniorise in a realm, over the greatest Lords, and even over the highness of Majesty; as in a town, over a company of mean merchants, and meaner artificers. I will not stick, to make the best of it. M. Caluin, the founder of the plot, (whom Beza styleth the great Caluin) had reason to establish his ministry against Inconstancy, and to fortify himself against Faction, (as he could best devise, and compass with the assistance of his French party, and other favourites) by encroaching upon a mechanical, and mutinous people, from whose variable and fickle mutability he could no otherwise assecure himself. As he sensibly found not only by daily experiences of their giddy and factious nature, but also by his own expulsion, and banishment: whom after a little trial, (as it were for a dainty novelty, or sly experiment) they could be content to use as kindly, and loyally, as they had used the old Bishop, their lawful Prince. Can M. Cartwright, or M. Traverse seize upon such a City, or any like popular town, Helvetian, or other, where Democraty ruleth the roast: they should have somebody's good leave to provide for their own fecurity; and to take their best advantage upon tickle Cantons. Some one peradventure in time would canton them wellenough; & give a shrewd pull at a Metropolitan Sea, as sovereign, as the old Bishopric of Geneva. It were not the first time, that a Democraty by degrees hath proved an Aristocraty; an Aristocraty degenerated into an Oligarchy; an Oligarchy amounted to a Tyranny, or Principality. No Rhetoric Climax so artificial, as that Politic Gradation. But in a just kingdom, where is other good assurance for Ministers, and meeter Counsels for Princes, than such swarms of imperious Elderships; it is not for subjects to usurp, as Commanders may tirannise in a small territory. Unless they mean to sett-up a general Deformation, in am of an Universal Reformation; and to bring-in an order, that would soon prove a deluge of disorder; an overflow of Anarchy; and an open Fludgate, to drown Policy with licentiousness, nobility with obscurity, and the honour of realms with the baseness of Cantons. They that long for the bane, and plague of their Country, pray for that manyhedded, and Cantonish reformation: in issue good for none, but the high judges of the Consistory, and their appropriate Creatures: as I will justify at large, in case I be ever particularly challenged. I am no pleader for the regiment of the feet over the head, or the government of the stomach over the heart: surely nothing can be more pernicious in practice, or more miserable in conclusion, than a commanding authority in them, that are borne to obey, ordained to live in private condition, made to follow their occupations, and bound to homage. You that be scholars, moderate your invention with judgement: and you that be reasonable gentlemen, pacify yourselves with reason. If it be an injury, to enclose Commons; what justice is it, to lay-open enclosures? and if Monarchies must suffer popular states to enjoy their free liberties, and amplest franchises, without the least instringment, or abridgement: is there no congruence of reason, that popular states should give Monarchies leave, to use their Positive laws, established orders, and Royal Prerogatives, without disturbance, or confutation? Because meaner Ministers, than Lords, may become a popular City, or territory, must it therefore be an absurdity in the majesty of a kingdom, to have some Lords spiritual amongst so many temporal: aswell for the fit correspondence and combination of both degrees; their more reverend private direction in matters of conscience; their weightier public Counsel in Parliaments, and Synods; the firmer assurance of the Clergy in their causes; and the more honourable estimation of Religion in all respects: as for the solemner visitation of their Diocese, & other competent jurisdiction. It is Tyranny, or vamglorie, not reverend Lordship, that the Scripture condemneth. There were Bishops, or as some will have them termed, Superintendents, with Episcopal superiority, and jurisdiction; in the golden age of the Apostles: Timothy of Ephesus; Titus of Crete; Mark of Alexandria; james of jerusalem; Philemon of Gaza; the eloquent Apollo's of Caesarea; Euodius of Antioch; Sosipater of Iconium, according to Dorotheus, of Thessaloniea, according to Origene; Tychicus of Chalcedon; Ananias of Damascus; and so forth. divers of the ancient Fathers, and Doctors, aswell of the Oriental, as of the Occidental Churches, were Bishops, reverend Fathers in Christ, and spiritual Lords. Thesame style, or title of reverence, hath successively continued to this age, without any impeachment of value, or contradiction of note; saving that of the angry Malcontent, and proud heretic Aërius, scarcely worth the naming. What cruel outrage hath it lately committed, or what heinous indignity hath it newly admitted, (more than other advancements of Virtue, or styles of honour,) that it should now be canceled, or abandoned in all haste? Would God, some were no stouter, or hawtier without the title, than some are with it. Many temporal Lords, Dukes, Princes, Kings, and Emperors, have shown very-notable effectual examples of Christian humility: and may not spiritual Lords carry spiritual minds? I hope, they do: I know, some do: I am sure, all may; notwithstanding their ordinary title, or an hundred plausible Epithits. I would the Lordship, or pomp of Bishops, were the greatest abuse in commonwealths, or Churches. I fear me, I shall never live to see so happy a world upon the Earth, that advised Reformation should have nothing worse to complaine-off, than that Lordship, or pomp. What may be, or is amiss, in any degree; I defend not: (the delict of some one, or two Prelates, were it manifest, ought not to redound to the damage, or detriment of the Church): what may stand with the honour of the Realm; with the benefit of the Church; with the approbation of antiquity, and with the Canon of the Scripture, I have no reason to impugn, or abridge. I have more cause to suspect, that some earnest dealers might be persuaded to dispense with the name of Lordship in Bishops, on condition, themselves might be the parties: that would not secularlie abuse the title to any private pomp, or vanity, but religiously apply it to the public administration of the Church, according to the first institution. Were dalliance safe in such cases; I could wish the experiment in a person, or two, in whose complexions I have some insight. Doctor Humphrey of Oxford, and Doctor Fulke of Cambridge, two of their standard-bearers a long-time, grew conformable in the end, as they grew riper in experience, and sager in judgement: and why may not such, and such, in the like, or weightier respects, condescend to a like toleration of matters Adiaphorall? Sith it will be no otherwise, (maugre all Admonitions, or whatsoever zealous Motives) better relent with favour, then resist in vain. Were any fair offer of preferment, handsomely tendered unto some, that gape not greedily after promotion, nor can-away with this same servile waiting, or plausible courting for living: I doubt not but wise men would see, what were good for themselves, commodious for their friends, and convenient for the Church. If they should obstinately refuse Deaneryes, and bishoprics, I should verily believe, they are moved with stronger arguments, and pregnanter authorities, than any, they have yet published in Print, or uttered in disputation: and I would be very glad to confer with them, for my instruction. Sound reasons, & authentical quotations may prevail much: & no such muincible defence, as the armour of Proof. In the mean time, the cause may be remembered, that incensed the foresaid factious malcontent, Aërius, to maintain the equality of Bishops, and other Priests, when himself failed in his ambitious suit for a Bishopric: and all resteth upon a case of conscience, as nice and squeamish a scruple with some zealous Marr-prelates, as whither the Fox in some good respects, might be won to eat grapes. They that would pregnantly try Conclusions, might peradventure find such a temptation, the materiallest and learnedest Confutation, that hath yet been Imprinted. Melancholy is deeply wise; and Choler resolutely stout: they must persuade them essentially, and feelingly, that will move them effectually. Were they entreated to yield, other arguments would subscribe of their own gentle accord; and ingenuously confess, that Opinion is not to prejudice the Truth, or Faction to derogate from Authority. Possession, was ever a strong defendant: and a just title maketh a puissant adversary. Bishop's will gooverne with reputation, when Marr-Prelats must obey with reverence, or resist with contumacy. Errors in doctrine; corruptions in manners; and abuses in offices, would be reform: but degrees of superiority, and orders of obedience are needful in all estates: and especially in the Clergy as necessary, as the Sun in the day, or the Moon in the night: or Cock-on-ho●…pe, with a hundred thousand Curates in the world, would prove a mad Discipline. Let Order be the golden rule of proportion; & I am as forward an Admonitioner, as any Precisian in England. If disorder must be the Discipline, and confusion the Reformation, (as without difference of degrees, it must needs) I crave pardon. anarchy, was never yet a good State's man: and ataxy, will ever be a bad Churchman. Thatsame lusty Downfall, is too-hoat a Policy for my learning. They were best, to be content to let Bishoprics stand, that would be loath to see Religion fall, or the Clergy trodden under foot. He conceiveth little, that perceiveth not, what bonds hold the world in order, and what tenors maintain an assurance in estates. Were Ministers Stipendaries, or Pensionars, (which hath also been a wise motion) and all without distinction, alike esteemed, that is, all without regard, alike contemned, & abjected, (which would be the issue of unequal Equality); woe to the poor Ministry: and the cunningest practice of the consistory, should have much-adoe, to stop those gapps, and recure those sores. Never a more succourless Orphan; or a more desolate widow; or a more distressed Pilgrim; then such a Ministry: until in a thirsty, & hungry zeal, it should eftsoons retire to former provisions, & recoover that ancient economy Ecclesiastical. The surest revenue, & honourablest salary of that coat; much-better iwis, than the soldiers pay, or the Serving-man's wages. Equality, in things equal, is a just Law: but a respective valuation of persons, is the rule of Equity: & they little know, into what incongruities, & absurdities they run headlong, that are weary of Geometrical proportion, or distributive justice, in the collation of public functions, offices, or promotions, civil, or spiritual. God bestoweth his blessings with difference; and teacheth his Lieutenant the Prince, to estimate, and prefer his subjects accordingly. When better authors are alleged for equality in persons Unequal; I will live, and die in defence of that equality; and honour Arithmetical Proportion, as the only balance of justice, and sole standard of government. Meanwhile, they that willbe wiser, than God, and their Prince, may continue a peevish scrupulosity in subscribing to their ordinances; and nourish a rebellious Contumacy, in refusing their orders. I wish unto my friends, as unto miselfe: and recommend Learning to discretion, conceit to judgement, zeal to knowledge, duty to obedience, confusion to order, Uncertainty to assurance, and Unlawful novelty to lawful Uniformity: the sweetest repose, that the Commonwealth, or Church can enjoy. Regnum divisum, a sovereign Text; and what notabler Gloss upon a thousand Texts? Or what more cordial restorative of Body, or Soul, then, Ecce quàm bonum, & quàm jucundum? Sweet my masters, be sweet: and without the least bitterness of unnecessary strife, tender your affectionatest devotions of Zeal, and Honour, to the best contentment of your friends, your Patrons, your Prince, the Commonwealth, the Church, the Almighty: which so dearly love, so bountifully maintain, so mightily protect, so graciously favour, and so indulgentially tender you. confound not yourselves: and what people this day more blessed, or what nation more flourishing? Some fervent, and many counterfeit loovers, adore their mistresses; and commit Idolatry to the least of their beauties: oh, that we knew what a Sacrifice, Obedience were; and what a jewel of jewels he offereth, that presenteth Charity. Without which, we may talk of Doctrine, and discourse of Discipline: but Doctrine is a Parrot; Discipline an Echo; Reformation a shadow; Sanctification a dream without Charity: in whose sweet bosom Reconciliation harboureth; the dearest friend of the Church, and the only Est Amen of so infinite Controversies. That Reconciliation settle itself to examine matters barely, without their veals, or habiliments, according to the counsel of Marcus Aurelius: and to define things simply, without any colours, or embellishments, according to the precepts of Aristotle, and the examples of Ramus: and the most-endlesse altercations; being generally rather Verbal, then real, and more circumstantial, then substantial; will soon grow to an end. Which end humanity hasten, if there be any spice of humanity; divinity dispatch, if there be any remnant of divinity; heaven accomplish, if the graces of heaven be not lockedupp; and Earth embrace, if reconciliation hath not forsaken the Earth. If Falsehood be weak, as it is weak, why should it longer hold-upp head: and if Truth be truth, that is, great and mighty, why should it not prevail? Most-excellent Truth, show thiselfe in thy victorious Majesty; and maugre whatsoever encounter of wit, learning, or fury, prevail pvissantly.  
These Notes, if they happen to see light, are especially intended to the particular Use of a few, whom in affectionate goodwill I would wish to stay their wisdoms. Did I not entirely pity their case, and extraordinarily favour some commendable parts in them, they should not easily have cost me half thus many lines; every one worse bestowed, than other, if constancy in error, be a credit; in disobedience, a bond; in vice, a virtue; in misery, a felicity. He that writ the premises, affecteth Truth as precisely, as any Precisian in Cambrige, or Oxford; and hateth even love itself, in comparison of Truth, which he is ever to tender with a curious devotion: but a man may be as blind in overseeing, as in seeing nothing: and he may shoot farther from the mark, that overshooteth, than he that shooteth short, or wide: as always some motespying heads have so scrupulously ordered the matter, Vt intelligendo nihil intelligerent. I would be loath to fall into the hands of any such captious, and mutinous wits: but if it be my fortune, to light upon hard entertainment, what remedy? I have had some little tampering with a kind of Extortioners, and barratours in my time: and fear not greatly any bugs, but in charity, or in duty. Wrong him not, that would gladly be well-taken, where he meaneth-well; and once for all protesteth, he loveth humanity with his heart, and reverenceth divinity with his soul: as he would rather declare indeed, then profess in word. If he erreth, it is for want of knowledge, not for want of Zeal. Howbeit for his fuller contentment, he hath also done his endeavour, to know something on both sides; and laying-aside Partiality to the persons, hath privately made the most equal & sincere Analysis of their several allegations, and proofs, that his Logic, and divinity could sett-downe. For other analysis he overpassed, as impertinent, or not specially material. After such examination of their authorities, and arguments, not with a rigorous Censure of either, but with a favourable Construction of both: Pardon him, though he presume to deliver some part of his animadversions in such terms, as the instant occasion presenteth: not for any contentious, or sinister purpose (the world is too-full of litigious, and barratous pens) but for the satisfaction of those, that desire them, & the advertisement of those, that regard them. Who according to any indifferent, or reasonable Analysis, shall find the sharpest Inventions, & weightiest judgements of their leaders, nothing so authentical, or current, as was preiudicatly expected. It is no piece of my intention, to instruct, where I may learn: or to control any superior of quality, that inconscience may affect, or in Policy seem to countenance that side. With Martin, and his applauders; Browne, and his adherents; Barrow, and his complices; Kett, and his sectaries; or whatsoever Commotioners of like disposition, (for never such a flush of scismatique heads, or heretic wits), that like the notorious H. N. or the presumptuous David Gorge, or that execrable servetus, or other turbulent rebels in Religion, would be Turkesing, and innovating they wot not what; I hope it may become me, to be almost as bold; as they have been with judges, Bishops, Archbishops, Princes, and with whom not? howsoever learned, wise, virtuous, reverend, honourable, or sovereign. Or if my cool dealing with them, be insupportable; I believe their hot practising with Lords, and Princes, was not greatly tolerable. Be, as it may: that is done on both sides, cannot be undone: and if they ween, they may offend outrageously without injury; other are sure, they may defend moderately with justice. When that sevenfold Shield faileth, my plea is at an end; albeit my making, or marring were the Client. Whiles the sevenfold Shield holdeth-out, he can do little, that cannot hold it up. A strong Apology, enhableth a weak hand: and a good cause is the best Advocate. Some sleep not to all: and I watch not to every-one. If I be understood with effect, where I wish atleast a demurrer with stayed advisement, & consultation; I have my desire, & not will tediously importune other. I doubt not of many contrary instigations, & some bold examples of turbulent spirits: but heat is not the meetest judge on the bench, or the soundest Divine in disputation: & in matters of government, but especially in motions of alteration, that run their heads against a strong wall; Take heed is a fair thing. Were there no other Considerations; the Place, and the Time, are two weighty, and mighty Circumstances. It is a very-nimble feather, that will needs outrun the wing of the Time; and leave the sails of regiment behind. Men are men, and ever had, and ever will have their imperfections: Paradise tasted of imperfections: the golden age, whensoever it was most golden, had some dross of imperfections: the patriarchs felt some fits of imperfections: Moses tabernacle was made acquainted with imperfections: salomon's Temple could not clear itself from imperfections: the Primitive Church wanted not imperfections: Constantine's devotion found imperfections: what Reformation could ever say? I have no imperfections: or will they, that dubb themselves the little flock, and the only remnant of Israel; say? we have no imperfections. Had they none, as none have more, than some of those Luciferian spirits; it is an unkind Bird, that defileth his kind nest; and a proud husbandman, that can abide no tars amongst wheat, or upbraideth the Corn with the Cockle. There is a God above, that heareth prayers: a Prince beneath, that tendereth supplications: Lords on both sides, that patronize good causes: learned men, that desire Conference: time, to consider upon essential points: Knowledge, that loveth zeal, as zeal must reverence knowledge: Truth, that displayeth, & investeth itself: Conscience, that is a thousand witnesses, even against itself. When the question is de Re; to dispute de Homine is sophistical: or when the matter dependeth in controversy, to cavil at the form is captious: the abuse of the one, were it proved, abolisheth not the use of the other: what should impertinent secrecies be revealed; or needles quarrels picked; or every proposition wrinched to the harshest sense? What should honest minds, and excellent wits, be taunted, and bourded, without rhyme, or reason? What should insolent, and monstrous Phantasticality extol, and glorify itself above the clouds, without cause, or effect? When, where, and how should Martin junior be purified; Martin Senior saintified; Browne Euangelistified; Barrow Apostolified; Kett Angelified; or the Patriarch of the loovely Familistes, H.N. deified, more than all the world beside? Were it possible, that this age should afford a divine and miraculous Elias: yet, when Elias himself deemed himself most desolate, and complained he was left all-alone; there remained thousands living, that never bowed their knees unto Baal. But Faction, is as sure a Keeper of Counsel, as a siue: Spite, as close a Secretary, as a skummer: Innovation, at the least a bright Angel from heaven: & the foresaid abstractes of pure divinity, will needs know, why junius Brutus, or Eusebius Philadelphus should rather be Pasquil's incarnate, than they. If there be one Abraham in Vr; one Lot in Sodom; one Daniel in Babylon; one jonas in Ninive; one job in Huz: or if there be one David in the Court of Saul; one Obadia in the Court of Achab; one jeremy in the Court of Zedechias; one Zorobabel in the Court of Nabuchodonosor; one Nehemias in the Court of Artaxerxes; or any singular blessed One in any good, or bad Court, City, State, Kingdom, or Nation; it must be One of them: all other of whatsoever dignity, or desert, what but reprobates, apostates, monsters, tyrants, Pharisees hypocri tes, false prophets, belly-gods, worldlings, ravenous wolves, crafty foxes, dogs to their vomit, a generation of vipers, limbs of Satan, devils incarnate, or such like. For Erasmus poor Copia Verborum, and Omphalius sorry furniture of invective and declamatory phrases, must come-shorte in this comparison of the railing faculty. I know no remedy, but the prayer of Charity, and the order of Authority: whom it concerneth to deal with libels, as with thorns; with fancies, as with weeds; and with heresies, or schisms, as with Hydra's heads. It hath been always one of my observations, but especially of later years, since these Numantine skirmishes: The better scholar indeed, the colder scismatique; & the hotter scismatique, the worse scholar. What an hideous and incredible opinion did David Gorge conceive of himself? H.N. was not afraid to insult over all the Fathers, Doctors, schoolmen, & new-writers, ever since the evangelists, & Apostles: Browne challenged all the Doctors, & other notablest graduates of Cambridge, and Oxford: Kett, though something in Astrology, and Physic, yet a raw Divine, how obstinate, and untractable in his fantastic assertions? Barrow taketh upon him, not only above Luther, Zuinglius, Oecolampadius, Brentius, and all the vehementest German Protestants; but also above Caluin, Viret, Beza, Marlorat, Knox, Meluin, Cartwright, Traverse, Fenner, Penry, and all our importunest solicitors of reformation; howsoever qualified with gifts, or reputed amongst their favourits. Illuminate Understanding, is the rare bird of the Church; and grand intendimentes come by a certain extraordinary, and supernatural revelation. One Unlearned Singularist hath more in him, than ten learned Precisians: Give me the brave fellow, that can carry a Dragon's tail after him. Tush, Vniversitie-learning is a Dunce: and Schoole-divinitie a Sorbonist. It is not Art, or Modesty, that maketh a Rabi Alphes, or a ringleader of multitudes. David Gorge the Archprophet of the world: H. N. the Archevangelist of Christ: and Barrow the Archapostle of the Church. Superhappy Creatures, that have illuminate understanding, and grand intendiments at the best hand. Miraculous Barrow, that so hugely exceedeth his ancients in the pure art of Reformation. But undoubtedly his Kingdom cannot flourish long: as he hath blessed his Seniors, so he must be anointed of his juniors: me thinks I see an other, and an other headd, suddenly starting-upp upon Hydra's shoulders: farewell H.N. and welcome Barrow: adieu Barrow, and All-haile thou Angelical spirit of the Gospel, whose face I see in a Crystal, more pure, than Purity itself: the depression of one, the exaltation of an other: the corruption of one, the generation of an other: no seed so fertile, or rank, as the seed of schism, and the sperm of heresy. Christ aid his assaulted fort; and bliss the seed of Abraham: and in honour of excellent Arts, and worthy Professions, be it ever said; The best-learned, are best-aduised.  
Even Cardinal Sadolet, Cardinal Poole, and Omphalius, commended the mild, and discreet disposition of Melancthon, Bucer, and Sturmius, when they first stirred in Germany: the Queen Mother of France, and the Cardinal of Lorraine praised Ramus, albeit he was known to favourize the Prince of Condy: iovius praised Reuclin, and Camerarius, as Peucer praised iovius, and Bembus: Osorius praised Ascham, as Ascham praised Watson: and who praised not Sir john Cheek; how exceedingly did Cardan praise him? Sir Thomas Smith, her majesties Ambassador in France, in the reigns of Henry the Second, Francis the Second, and Charles the Ninth; was honoured of none more, then of some French, and Italian Cardinals, and Bishops: the King's sons favoured his son, aswell after, as before their Coronation. Neander in his late Chronicle, and later Geography, praiseth here, & there certain Papists: and did not Agrippa, Erasmus, Duarene, and Bodine occasionally praise as many Protestants? It was a sweet, and divine Virtue, that stirred-up love, & admiration in such adversaries: & doubtless they carried an honest, & honourable mind, that forgot themselves, and their friends, to do their enemy's reason, and Virtue right. A virtue, that I often seek, seldom find; wish-for in many, hope-for in some, looke-for in few; reverence in a Superior, honour in an inferior; admire in a friend, love in a foe; joy, to see, or hear, in one, or other. Perverse natures are forward to disguise themselves, and to condemn not only Courtesy, or humanity, but even humility, & charity itself, with a nickname of neutrality, or Ambidexteritie: term it, what you list, and miscall it at your pleasure: certes it is an excellent and sovereign quality, that in a firm resolution never to abandon Virtue, or to betray the Truth, stealeth entertainment from displeasure, favour from offence, love from ●…nitie, grace from indignation; and not like Homer's Siren, but like Homer's Minerva, traineth partiality to a liking of the adverse Party; dissension to a commendation of his Contrary; error to an embracement of truth; and even Corruption himself to an advancement of valour, of desert, of integrity, of that moral, and intellectual good, that so graciously insinuateth, and so forcibly emprooveth itself. Oh, that learning were ever married to such discretion; wit to such wisdom; Zeal to such virtue; contention to such morality: and oh, that such private government might appear in those, that plead most importunately for public government. Oh, that Plato could teach Xenocrates; Aristotle, calisthenes; Theophrastus, Aristotle; Eunapius, jamblicus; to sacrifice to the sweet Graces of Mercury. What should I veil, or shadow a good purpose? Oh a thousand times, that Melancton could train junius Brutus; Sturmius, Philadelphus; Ramus, Beza; jewel, Cartwright; Deering, Martin; Baro, Barrow; to embrace the heavenly Graces of Christ, and to kiss the hand of that divine Creature, that passeth all Understanding. What a felicity were it, to see such heads as pregnant, as Hydra's heads; or Hydra's heads as rare, as such heads?  
It is not my meaning, to deface, or prejudice any, that Unfeignedly meaneth well: if Percase I happen to touch some painted walls, and godly hypocrites, (Godliness is become a strange Creature, should they be truly godly) let them keep their own Counsel, and cease to affect new reputation by old heresies. The jews had their holly-holly-holly Essaeans: their separate, and precise Pharisees: their daily regenerate, & Puritan Hemerobaptistes: their fervent, and illuminate Zelotistes: only in shape men, in conversation Saints, in insinuation Angels, in profession Demi-gods; as descended from heaven, to bless the Earth, and to make the City a Paradise, that washed their feet. jesus bless good minds from the black enemy, when he ●…ireth himself like an Angel of light. judas the Gaulonite, in the reign of Herode the Great, was an hot tossed, and a marvelous Zelotist; when the Emperor Octavian taxing the world, and assessing judea, like other nations, who but he, in the abundance of his mighty Zeal, was the man, that set it down for a Canonical Doctrine; That the people of God, was to acknowledge no other Lord, but God; and that it was a flavish bondage, to pay any such exaction, or imposition unto Augustus: and having given-out that principle, for an infallible rule, or rather a sacred law, very vehemently solicited and importuned the people (as the manner is) to live, and die in the cause of their God, and their liberty. But sweet Christ was of a milder & meeker spirit; & both paid tribute himself to avoid offence; and set it down for an eternal Maxim in his Gospel; Give unto Caesar, that belongeth unto Caesar, and unto God, that belongeth unto God. zealous judas the Gaulonite, and fervent Simon the Galilean, two singular reformers of the judaical synagogue, pretended fair for a pure Type, or exquisite platform of the soundest, exactest, and precisest hebraical Discipline: but what profane Idolatry so plagued that divine Commonwealth, as thatsame scrupulous Zeal? or what made that blessed state, utterly miserable, but thatsame unruly, and tumultuous Zeal; that would not be content with reason, until it was too late? For a time, they supposed themselves, the worthiest, & rarest Creatures in judea, or rather the only men of that state; and in a deep conceit of a neat & undefiled purity, divorced, or sequestered themselves from the corrupt society of other: but alas, that any purified minds should pay so dearly, and smartly for their fine Fancies; which cost them no less, than the most lamentable overthrow of their whole Commonwealth. You that have Languages, and Arts, morethen divers other of good quality, and can Use them with Method, and a certain ●…usible opinion of great learning, be as excellent, and singular, as you possibly can for your lives, in a direct course: but be not peevish, or odd in a crooked baulk, that leadeth out of the kings highway, and Christ's own path, into a maze of confusion, and a wilderness of desolation: the final end of these endless Contentions, if they be nototherwise calmed by private discretion, or cutt-short by public order. The first example of division, was perilous: and what ranks, or swarms of insatiable schism, incontinently followed? It is a mad world, when every crew of conceited Punies, puffed-up with a presumptuous, or fantastical imagination, must have their several complot, or faction; as it were a certain punical war: whose victory willbe like that of Carthage against Room, if it be not the sooner quieted. Remember judas the Gaulonite; and forget not yourselves: inordinate Zeal is a pernicious Reformer: and Destruction, a dear purchase of Plots in Moonshine. S. Paul the heroical Apostle, could not find a more excellent way, than Charity, the most-soverain way of Faith, and Hope: any other design of purity, or singularity, buildeth not up, but pulleth-downe; and of more than a Million in hope, proveth less than a cipher in effect. What the salvation of David Gorge? a nullity: what the deification of H. N? anullitie: what the glorification of Kett? a nullity: what the sanctification of Browne? a nullity: what the community of Barrow? a nullity: what the plausibility of Martin? a nullity: what a thousand such popular motives, allectives, incensives, aggravations of the least corruption, amplificatios of the highest felicity, new lands of promise, overflowing with milk, and honey, fools Paradises, glorious innovations; but present shame, wretched confusion, utter ruin, everlasting infamy, horrible damnation, & a mosthideous 〈◊〉 Even the 〈◊〉 at hurly-burly of the Church, the imagined heavenly Discipline; and the very topfyturuy of the state; the pretended-divine Reformation; of two mighty 〈◊〉, what can they possibly emproove themselves, but silly 〈◊〉, 〈◊〉 most pitiful nullity? Sweet Charity, 〈◊〉 bitter garboils: and seeing they so instantly, and 〈◊〉 affect a perfect Platform, give them a most-curious, and exquisite Table of pure Reformation, even the true Picture of thyself. Surer Prevention of mischief, and ruin, I know none.  
I had here bidden Martin in the Vintry farewell, and taken my leave of this tedious Discourse; (for no man taketh less delight in invectives); were I not newly certified of certain fresh, & frantic practices for the erection of the Synedrion in all haste: whose 〈◊〉 are weary of melancholy Projects, and begin to 〈◊〉 on a choleric course. Hot arguments are fiercely threatened, in case the Discipline be not the sooner 〈◊〉: but methinks that warm course should scarcely be the style of pure Mortification: and haply softer fire would make sweeter malt. A little 〈◊〉, doth not much amiss in capital, or dangerous 〈◊〉. It were well, the blowing bellows might be 〈◊〉 to 〈◊〉 their wind for a fit opportunity: or if fire boiling in the stomach, must needs breake-out at the mouth; the best comfort is, the Country 〈◊〉 death sufficient provision of water, to encounter, the terriblest Vulcanist, that brandisheth a burning sword, or a fiery tongue. Howbeit some looker-on, 〈◊〉 fear not greatly the flame, cannot but marvel at the smoke; and had rather see them, breathing-out the fume of divine Tobacco, the of furious rage. I have read of Politic jews, that for their commodity have become Christias; whom in Spain, & Italy they term 〈◊〉: but that Politic Christians for any benefit, promotion, or other regard whatsoever, should practise to become jews, in doctrine, or in discipline, in earnest, or in devise, in whole, or in part, it were strange, & almost incredible; if the world were not grown a mostrous 〈◊〉 for his advantage; & the voice of jacob proved a more gainful Stratagem for the hands of Esau, then ever the hands of Esau were for the voice of jacob. I charge not any, that are clear; (would there were no more jewish Pharisees, than Hebrew Worthies); but let not them accuse me for speaking, that condemn themselves for doing; or show themselves Saints in the Premises, that will scantly prove honest men in the Conclusion. All are not led with the same respects, that hang on the same string: some are carried with one consideration, some with an other: some tender divinity, as their soul; some love Religion, as their body; some favour the Gospel, as their fortune: I doubt not, but some desire Discipline for Conscience; and do none coovet Reformation for gain; or were it impossible, to point-out a Retaliado Convert, in the whottist throng of those fresh Proselytes? If there be no Retaliadoes in Christendom, I am glad I have said nothing: if there be, they may so long mock other in words, that atlast they will most deceive themselves in deeds. I am beholding to the old jury; but have no great fancy to a new, either in London, or elsewhere; when amongst divers other histories of jewish enormities, I remember how an ancient Archbishop of Canterbury, one john Peckam, was fain to take order with the Bishop of London then being, for the dissolution, and destruction of all the synagogues in his Diocese. The less need of any such order at this instant, all the better. I will not dispute, whither a Synodrion presuppose a synagogue; or whither it be not as insupportable a yoke for any King, or mighty state, as it was for King Herode, or the Romans, that found it intolerable: (methinks the wisest Sanedrist of a thousand, should hardly persuade me, that he is a friend of Princes, or no enemy of Monarchies): but I know somuch by some, none of the meanest Scholars; or obscurest men in Europe, touching their opinion of the old, and new Testament, of the Thalmud, of the Alcoran, of the Hebrew, Christian, and Turkish Histories; that I deem any thing suspicious, and perilous, that anyway inclineth to judaisme; as fell an adversary to Christianity, as the Wolf to the Lamb, or the Goshawk to the dove. Grant them an inch; they will soon take an ell with the advantage: and were any part of their Discipline one foot, could the body of their Doctrine want an head? or might not the Parish prove a disorderly Congregation, as bad as a synagogue, where the judicial bench were a Synedrion? The jews are a subtle, and mischievous people: and have cunningly inveigled some students of the holy tongue, with their miraculous Cabala from Moses, their omnifcious Cosmologie from Solomon, their Caldaean sapience from Daniel, and other profound Secrets of great pretence: but their liberal gifts bite like their Usury; and they are finally found to entertain them best, that shut them quite out of doors, with their Sanedrim, and all. They can tell a precious tale of their divine Senate; and of their Venerable Meokekim, reverenced like living Laws: but were all judgements actually drawn to the divine Senate, and all laws solemnly to be fetched from the Venerable Meokekim, as from speaking Oracles; might not these, and their other Metaphysical mysteries, be enregistered in the same Thalmud; or might it not prove a pinching Reformation for Christendom: I have tasted of their Verbal miracles; and cannot greatly commend their personal virtues: but their real Usury is known throughout the Christian world, to be an unmerciful Tyrant, & I fear me, their consistorial jurisdiotion would grow a Cruel griper; especially being so universally extended in every Parish, as is intended by the promoters thereof, and powerably armed with that supreme, & Vncontrowlable authority, which they affect in causes Ecclesiastical. A brave spiritual motion, and worthy not only of these piddling stirs, but even of a Trojan war. Yet their Precedent, the Mosaical Synedrion, was a Civil Court, (as is afore mentioned, & would be reconsidered) cum mero imperio: and when it became mixed, it was not merely Ecclesiastical; & when it became merely Ecclesiastical, of a Pontifical Consistory, it soon proved a Tyrannical Court; and by your good leave, was as nimble to encroach upon Civil causes, being an Ecclesiastical Court, as ever it was to intermeddle with Ecclesiastical causes, being a Civil Court. The finest Methodists, according to Aristotle's golden rule of artificial Bounds, condemn Geometrical precepts in Arithmetic, or Arithmetical precepts in Geometry, as irregular, and abusive: but never Artist so licentiously heterogenised, or so extravagantly exceeded his prescribed limits, as Ambition, or Coovetice. Every Miller is ready to convey the water to his own mill: and neither the high Priests of jerusalem, nor the Popes of Room, nor the patriarchs of Constantinople, nor the Pastors of Geneva, were ever hasty to bind their own hands. They that research Antiquities, and inquire into the privities of Practices, shall find an Act of Praemunire is a necessary Bridle in some cases. The first Bishops of Room, were undoubtedly virtuous men, and godly Pastors: from Bishops they grew to be Popes: what more reverend, than some of those Bishops; or what more Tyrannical, than some of those Popes? Aaron, and the high-priests of jerusalem, and of other ceremonial nations, were their glorious Mirrors; and they deemed nothing too-magnificall, or pompous, to breed an Universal reverence of their sacred authority, and Hierarchy. We are so far alienated from imitating, or allowing them, that we cannot abide our own Bishops; yet withal would have every Minister a Bishop, and would also be fetching a new Pattern from old jerusalem, the moother-sea of the high-Priesthood. So the world (as the manner is) will needs runabout in a Circle: pull-downe Bishops; set up the Minister; make him Bishop of his Parish, and head of the Consistory, (call him, how you list, that must be his place): what will become of him within a few generations, but a high Priest in a low jerusalem, or a great Pope in a small Room? And then, where is the difference between him, and a Bishop, or rather between him, and a Pope? not somuch in the quality of his jurisdiction, when in effect he may be his own judge, as in the quantity of his Diocese, or temporalties. Or in case he be Politic; as some Popes have been glad for their advantage, to tyrannize Popularly, so he may chance be content for his advancement, to popularise tyrannically: and shall not be the first of the Clergy, that hath cunningly done it with a comely grace. Something there must be of a Monarchy in free states: and something there will be of free states, in a Monarchy. The discreeter, and Vprighter the Curate is, the more circumspectly he will walk, and degenerate the less. Yet what generation without degeneration: or what revolution without irregularity? One inconvenience begetteth an other: enormities grow like evil weeds: take heed of a mischief: and where then will be the corruptions? Or how shall defection, (acknowledging no primacy, or superiority in any person, or Court) retire to his first institution: if percase there should grow a Conspiracy in fellowship; one Consistory justify an other for advantage; and their whole Synods fallout in consequence, to be like their Parts? Men may err: and frailty will slip. What should I allege Histories, or authorities? It is no news for infirmity to fall, when it should stand; or for appetite to rebel, when it should obey. Every son of Adam, a reed shaken with the wind of passion, a weak Vessel, a Scholar of imperfection, a Master of ignorance, a Doctor of error, a Pastor of concupiscence, a superintendant of avarice, a Lord of ambition, a Prince of sin, a slave of mortality. Flesh is flesh; and Blood a Wanton, a changeling, a compound of contrary elements, a reuoulting and retrograde Planet, a Sophister, an hypocrite, an impostor, an Apostata, an heretic; as convertible as Mercury, as variable as the weathercock, as lunatic as the Moon; a generation of corruption, a Whore of Babylon, a limb of the world, and an imp of the Devil. It is their own argument in other men's case: and why should it not be other men's argument in their case, Unless they can show a personal Privilege ad imprimendum solum? They may speak, as they list: terms of sanctification, and mortification, are free for them, that will use them: but the Common opinion is, even of the forwardest skirmishers at this day, they do like other men; and live like the children of the world, and the brethren of themselves. Some of them have their neighbours good leave, to be their own Proctors, or Advocates, if they please. Yet how probable is it, they are now at their very best, and even in the neatest and purest plight of their incorruption, whiles their minds are abstracted from worldly thoughts, to a high meditation of their supposed-heavenly Reformation: and whiles it necessarily behoveth them, to stand charily and nicely upon the credit of their integrity, sincerity, preciseness, godliness, Zeal, and other virtues? When such respects are over, and their purpose compassed according to their heart's desire; who can tell how they, or their successors may use the Keys; or how they will besturr them with the Sword: If Flesh prove not a Pope joane; and Blood a Pope Hildebrand, good enough. Accidents, that have happened, may happen again: and all things under the Sun, are subject to casualty, mutability, and corruption. At all adventures, it is a brave Position, to maintain a sovereign, and supreme authority in every Consistory; and to exempt the Minister from superior Censure; like the high Priest, or greatest Pontiffe, whom Dionysius Haly carnasseus calleth 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. He had need be a wise, and Conscionable man, that should be a Parliament, or a Chancery unto himself: and what a furniture of divine perfections were requisite in the Church, where so many Ministers, so many spiritual high justices of Oier, and Terminer: and every one a supreme Tribunal, a Synod, a General Council, a Canon Law, a heavenly Law, and Gospel unto himself? If no Serpent can come within his Paradise, safe enough. Or were it possible, that the Pastor, (although a man, yet a divine man) should as it were by inheritance, or succession, continue a Saint from generation to generation: is it also necessary, that the whole company of the redoubted Seniors, should wage everlasting war with the flesh, the world, and the Devil; and eternally remain an incorruptible Areopage, without wound, or scar? Never such a College, or fraternity upon Earth, if that be their inviolable order. But God help Conceit, that buildeth Churches in the Air, and platformeth Disciplines without stain, or spot.  
They complain of corruptions; and worthily, where Corruptions encroach, (I am no Patron of corruptions): but what a surging sea of corruptions would overflow within few years, in case the sword of so great and ample authority, as that at jerusalem most capital, or this at Geneva most redoubted, were put into the hand of so little capacity in government, so little discretion in Discipline, so little judgement in causes, so little moderation in living, so little constancy in saying, or doing, so little gravity in behaviour, or so little whatsoever should procure reverence in a Magistrate, or establish good order in a Commonwealth. Travail through ten thousand Parishes in England; and when you have taken a favourable view of their substantiallest, and sufficientest Aldermen, tell me in good sooth, what a comely show they would make in a Consistory; or with how solemn a presence they would furnish a Council Table. I believe, Grimaldus did little think of any such Senators, when he writ de Optimo Senatore: or did Doctor Bartholmen Philip, in his Perfect Counsellor, ever dream of any such counsellors? Petty Principalities, petty Tyrants; & such Senates, such Senators. Wit might devise a pleasurable Dialogue betwixt the Leather Pilch, and the Velvet Coat: and help to persuade the better, to deal neighbourly with the other; the other to content himself with his own calling. I deny not, but the short apron may be as honest a man, or as good a Christian, as the long gown: but methinks he should scantly be so good a judge, or Assistant in doubtful causes: and I suppose, Ne Suitor ultrà crepidam, is as fit a Proverb now, as ever it was, since that excellent Painter rebuked that saucy Cobbler. Every subject is not borne to be a Magistrate, or Officer: and who knoweth not, whose creature Superior Power is? They are very-wise, that are wiser than he, by whose divine permission, every one is that he is. The laconical Ephory hath lately borne a great swing, in some resolute Discourses of Princes, and Magistrates; that thought they saved the world from the abomination of desolation, when they found-out a bridle, or yoke for Princes: but old Aristotle was a deep Politician in diebus illis: and his Reasons against that Ephorie (for Aristotle confuted the Ephorie with sounder arguments, than ever it was confirmed to this day) would not yet perhaps be altogether contemned: That so great judicial causes were committed to men, endued with so little, or no Virtue: That the poor Plebeians for very penury were easily bribed, and corrupted: That there ensued an alteration of the state, the good Kings being fain to curry favour with their great Masters, and to become Popular. Wither this would be the end, and may be the mark of those, or our Populars, I offer it to their consideration, that are most interessed in such motions of Ephoryes and Senioryes. The world is beholding to brave and heroical minds, that like Hercules, would practise means to pull-downe Tyranny, small, or great: and reform whole Empires, and Churches, like the three victorious Emperors, surnamed Magni, Constantine, Theodosius, and Charles. Thanks, were an unsufficient recompense for so noble intentions. It must be a guerdon of value, that should countervail their desert, that pretend so fatherly, and Patronly a care of re-edifying commonwealths, and Churches. Some voluntary counsellors do well in a State: and men of extraordinary vocation, singularly qualified for the purpose, are worth their double weight in gold. When other sleep, they watch when other play, they work: when other feast, they fast: when other laugh, they sigh: whiles other are content to be lulled in security, and nuzzled in abuse, they occupy themselves in devising pregnant bonds of assurance, and exquisite models of Reformation. Which must presently be advanced without further consultation: or they have courage, and will use it in maintenance of so divine abstractes. Melancholy is peremptory in resolution: and Choler an aeger Executioner. Were it not for those two invincible arguments, there might still be order taken with other reasons, and authorities whatsoever. They do well to presupppose the best of their own deseignes, and to giveout Cards of Fortunate Islands, artificially drawn: but as I never read, or heard of any people, that committed sword into such hands, but bought their experience with loss, and had a hard pennyworth of their soft cushion: so in my simple consideration, I cannot conceive, how Ignorance should become a meeter Officer, than Knowledge; Affection a more incorrupt Magistrate, than Reason; headlong Rashness, or wilful stubbornness, a more upright judge, then mature Deliberation; base Occupations enact, and establish better orders, then liberal Sciences, or honourable Professions; (any traffic, howsoever current, or advantageous, hath been judged undecent for a Senator); tagg, & rag administer all things absolutely-well, with due provision against whatsoever possible inconveniences, where so many faults are found with persons of better quality; that incomparably have more skill in the administration of public affairs; more knowledge, and experience in causes; more respect in proceeding; more regard of their credit; more sense of dangerous enormities, or contagious abuses; more care of the flourishing and durable estate of the Prince, the Commonwealth, and the Church. Na, I can see no reason, according to the best grounds of Policy, that ever I read, but for every Civil tyranny, or Petty misdemeanour, that can possibly happen now, the government standing as it doth; there must needs Upstart a hundred, and a hundred barbarous tyrannies, and huge outrages, were the new platforms, Acts of Parliament; and the Complotters, such high Commissioners, as are described in their own projects, the floorishes of Unexperienced wits. When they have nothing else to allege, that should make them superior, or equal to the present Officers; Conscience must be their Text, their Gloss, their Sanctuary, their Tenure, and their strong hold. Indeed Conscience, grounded upon Science, is a double Ancher; that neither deceiveth, nor is deceived: and no better rule, than a regular, or public Conscience; in divinity ruled by Divinity, in law, by Law, in art by Art, in reason by Reason, in experience by Experience. Other irregular, or private Conscience, in Public functions, will fallout to be but a lawless Church; a shipman's hose; a jugglers stick; a fantastical freehold, and a conceited Tenure in Capite: as interchangeable as the Moon, and as fallible as the wind. How barratous, and mutinous at every puff of Suggestion, let the world judge. I would there lacked a present Example, as hot, as fresh: but hot love, soon cold, and the fits of youth like the showers of April. There goeth a pretty Fable of the Moon, that on a time she earnestly besought her mother, to provide her a comely garment, fit and handsome for her body: How can that be, sweet daughter, (quoth the mother) sith your body never keepeth at one certain state, but changeth every day in the month? That private Conscience, the sweet daughter of Fancy, be the Moral: and the assurance of the Common People, where there wanteth a curb, the application. What Chameleon so changeth his colour, as Affection? or what Polypus so variable, as Populus, chorus, flwius? Doctor Kelke, when he was vicechancellor in Cambridge, would often tell the Advocates, and Proctors in the Consistory there, that he had a knack of Conscience, for their knack of Law. Truly the man, as he was known to be learned, and religious, so seemed to carry a right-honest, and harmless mind, and would many times be pleasantly disposed after his blunt manner: but in very deed his Conscience (be it spoken without appeachment of his good memory) otherwhiles proved a knack, and admitted more inconveniences, (some would have said, committed more absurdities) then became the gravity, and reputation of that judicious Consistory. Yet were this new-plotted Consistory erected, according to the map of their own imagination, even upon the top of the presumed mount Zion: by the favour of that goodly prospect I dare undertake, amongst so many thousand Ministers, with Episcopal, or more than Episcopal authority, there must be but a few hundred judges, like Doctor Kelke; and a very great dearth of such Assistants, or Seniors, as that flourishing University affourdeth. Alas, many thousands of them, Unworthy to carry the Beadle's staff before the 〈◊〉; of their books after the other: how 〈◊〉 for supreme, or free 〈◊〉, I report me 〈◊〉 you. It is notably said of Aristotle in his Politics: He that would have the Law to rule, would have a God to rule: but he that commi●…eth the rule to a man, committeth the rule to a beast. The Law, is a mind without appetite; a soul without a body; a judge without flesh, and blood; a balance without Partiality; a mean without extremes. Where Conscience is such a Law, I am for Conscience, let us professeno other Law; let us build us Consistories, and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Equity let us dwell in those 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Integrity: let us honour that incorruptible sceptre of Sincerity: let us set the Impetiall crown upon the head of that Policy; and let that Discipline wear the Pontifical mitre. The world wrongeth itself infinitely, if it runneth not to the gaze of that beautiful 〈◊〉; or refuseth any order 〈◊〉 that sacred Oracle. Otherwise, if men be men, & that Consistory, no choir of Angels, or 〈◊〉 of Saints, but a meeting of neighbours, some of them rude, and gross enough, after the homelyest guise, for without miraculous illumination, it must necessarily be so in most Parishes): now I beseech you, hath not Considernation some reason, to fear the Delphical Sword: And the convenied party, that was nothing afraid of the Dean, or the Canons; they, quoth be, are good Gentlemen, and my favourable friends, but the Chapter is the 〈◊〉; would 〈◊〉 go high hand to say 〈◊〉 for the new 〈◊〉, as for the old Chapter. Our Minister is a Zealous 〈◊〉: 〈◊〉 such, and such my honest neighbours: but God bless me from the 〈◊〉 Consistory. They that can skill of 〈◊〉, and know the , or what you please; can hardly hope for any such Paradise, or All-hallowes in hoony lane, as is plausibly pounrayed in some late drawghts of Reformatio; sweeter in discourse, then in practice. I will not prophecy of Contingents in speculation: but were their Complot a matter 〈◊〉, it is possible that even the Platformers themselves, should have no such exceeding cause, 〈◊〉 joy in their redoubted Seniors. Some Potestats are quaint men, and will by firres bear a brain, maugre the best reason, or Purest Comscience in a Consutorie. And God knoweth, how the People would digest it, (especially after some little trial of their 〈◊〉 rigour, and other 〈◊〉 dealing) that their neighbour Whatchicalt, sometime no wiser than his fellows, and such, and such a Freeholder of this, and that homely 〈◊〉, (somewhat base for a Senator) should so jollily perk on the bench, amongst the Father's Conscript, when some, that have a state of inheritance, or maintain themselves upon civiler trades, must humbly wait at the bar, and yield themselves obedient to the stern commandments of those sage benchers. Iwis, the penny is a strong argument with such natures: and he that 〈◊〉 the heaviest purse, how unmeet soever he may seem for a Consistory, 〈◊〉 himself mightily wronged, 〈◊〉 he be taken for the best, or one of the best in the Parish: and if for his countenance, or other charitable respect, he will not stick sometime to pleasure a good fellow, or a poor neighbour, (some good fellows are killcowes, and some poor neighbour's all-hart) he may perhaps get 〈◊〉 hardy partakers, & bore himself for as mighty a man in the borrowgh, or village, as some of the foresaid redoubted 〈◊〉. How that would be allowed in Consistory, or how a thousand suits, quarrels, uproars, & 〈◊〉 mightbe pacified, yet unprovided-for, or unthought-upon by the compendious Summists; it would be considered in time, whiles there is leisure from Practice. For after the Consistory is once up; in such sweeting harvest of most-busie business, a simple Pragmatique may easily Prognosticate, how small a remnant of leisure will 〈◊〉 for consideration. There was much ado, & other whiles little help, first at jerusalem, with one 〈◊〉, and then at Geneva with one signory, the two only exemplary Presbiteryes: (for other Primitive Elderships will not fit the turn): what a wonderful 〈◊〉 would one, and some 52000. 〈◊〉 make in England. Were not our Reformation likely to prove a greater Sweat, or a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, than any in Graftons', Stows, or Holinsheds' Chronicle? Martin, under correction of your high Court of Conscience, give me leave to bethink me attonce, upon the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of your Discipline, and Phaeton's regiment, in the hot Countries of the Orient. When his brave 〈◊〉 came to the Execution; solitaque lugum 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; a light beginning, a heavy ending;  
Necscit, quâ sititer; nec sisciat, imperet illis: and so forth: (it is not conceit, or courage, but skill, and authority, that manageth government with honour): what was the issue of that yonkerly & presumptuous enterprise, but a Deluge of fire, as ruthful, and horrible, as Deucalion's Deluge of water?  

Magne 〈◊〉 cum moenibus Vrbes:  
Cumque suis totas populis intendia Gentes.   
In 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. You can best translate it yourself: and I leave the warm application to the hot Interpreter: with addition of that short, but weighty, and most remarkable advertisement;  
Poenam Phaeton, pro munere poscis. Phaeton, thou desirest thy ruin for thy advancement: and Martin, thou affectest, thou wottest not what: a Discipline? a confusion: a Reformation? a deformation: a Salve? a plague: a Bliss? a curse: a Commonwealth? a Common-wo: a Happy, and Heavenly Church: a wretched, and hellish synagogue. Amount in imagination as high, as the hawtiest conceit can aspire; and platform the most-exquisite deseignes of pure Perfection, that the nicest curiosity can devise: were not the wisest on your side, most-simplie simple in weighing the Consequents of such antecedents, they would never so inconsiderately labour their own shame, the misery of their brethren, the desolation of the Ministry, & the destruction of the Church. Good Martin be good to the Church, to the Ministry, to the state, to thy country, to thy patrons, to thy friends, to thy brethren, to thiselfe: and as thou loovest thiselfe, take heed of old Puritanisme, new Anabaptisme, & final Barbarism. Thou art young in years, I suppose: but younger in enterprise, I am assured. Thy age in some sort pleadeth thy pardon: and couldst thou with any reasonable temperance advise thiselfe in time, as it is high time to assuage thy stomachous and overlashing outrage; there be few wise men of quality, but would pity thy rash proceeding, and impute thy wanton seurrilous Vein to want of Experience, and judgement, which is seldom ripe in the Spring. I will not stand to examine the Spirit, that speaketh, or endighteth in such a phrase: but if that were the tenor of a godly, or zealous style, methinks some other Saint, or godly man, should someway have used the like elocution before: unless you meant to be as singular in your form of writing, as in your manner of censuring; & to publish as grave an Innovation in words, as in other matters. Some spiritual motion it was, that caused you so sensibly to apply your ruffling speech, and whole method, to the feeding and tickling of that humour, that is none of the greatest students of Divinity, unless it be your Divinity; nor any of the likeliest creatures to advance Reformation, unless it be your Reformation. But whatsoever your motion were, or howsoever you perfuaded yourself, that a plausible and roisterly course would win the hearts of good fellows, and make ruffians become Precisians, in hope to mount higher than Highgate, by the fall of Bishopfgate; some of your well willers hold a certain charitable opinion, that to reform yourself, were your best Reformation. Good Discipline would do many good; and do Martin no harm; had he leisure from training of other, to train himself, and as one termed it, to trim his own beard. Howbeit in my Method, Knowledge would go before Practice, and Doctrine before Discipline. I challenge 〈◊〉, or none for learning, which I rather love as my 〈◊〉, or 〈◊〉 as my Patron, then profess as my Faculty: but some approved good Scholars of both Universities, and some honourable wisemen of a higher 〈◊〉, take 〈◊〉 to be none of the greatest Clerks in England; and 〈◊〉, how he should presume to be a Doctor of Discipline, that hath much-adoe to show himself a Master of Doctrine. For mine own part, I hope he is a better Doctrinist, than Disciplinist: or else I must needs 〈◊〉; Pride is a busy man, and a deepet Counsellor of 〈◊〉, then of himself. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 become public persons; and may do well in some other, being well employed: but 〈◊〉 persons, and the common erewes of Platformers, might have most use of private designments, appropriate to their own Vocation, Profession, or quality. When I find Martin as neat a reformer of his own life, as of other men's act●…, it shall go hard, but I will in 〈◊〉 measure proportion my commendation to the singularity of his desert; which I would be glad to crown with a garland of present, and a diadem of future praise. For I long to see a 〈◊〉 without a crest; and would 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 without a fault; or only with such a fault, as for the 〈◊〉 should deserve, or for the strangeness might challenge, to be. Chronicled, like the Eclipse of the Sun. The State Demonstrative, not over-laboured at 〈◊〉 would 〈◊〉 be employed in blasoning a creature of such perfections: and the very soul of Charity 〈◊〉 to drink of that clear Aqua Vitae. It is not the first time, that I have preferred a Gentleman of deeds, before a Lord of words: and what if I once by way of familiar discourse said? I was a Protestant in the Antecedent, but a Papist in the Consequent: for I liked Faith in the Premises, butwished works in the Conclusion: as S. Paul beginneth with justification, but endeth with Sanctification: & the Schoolmen reconcile many Confutations in one distinction; We are justified by Faith apprehensively; by Works declaratively; by the blood of Christ, effectively. I hope, it is no evillsigne, for the flower to flourish, for the tree to fructify, for the fire to warm, for the Sun to shine, for Truth to embrace Virtue, for the Intellectual good to practise the Moral good, for the cause to effect. He meant honestly, that said merrily; He took S. Augustine's, & S. Gregory's by Paul's, to be the good friends of S. Faiths under Paul's. What needeth more? If your Reformation be such a restorative, as you pretend; what letteth, but the world should presently behold a Visible difference between the fruits of the pure, and the corrupt diet? Why ceaseth the heavenly Discipline, to perme her own Apology, not in one or two scribbled Pamflets of counterfeit Compliments, but in a thousand living Volumes of heavenly Virtues? Divine Causes were ever wont to fortify themselves, and weaken their adversaries, with divine Effects, as conspicuous as the brightest Sunshine. The Apostles, and Primitive founders of Churches were no railers, or scoffers: but painful travailers, but Zealous Preachers, but holy livers, but fair-spoken, mild, and looving men, even like Moses, like David, like the son of David; the three gentlest 〈◊〉, that 〈◊〉 walked upon Earth. Wheresoever they became, it appeared by the whole manner of their meek, and sweet proceeding, that they had been the servants of a 〈◊〉 Lord; and the Disciples of a sweet Master: in 〈◊〉, that many 〈◊〉, which knew not God, 〈◊〉 them, as the 〈◊〉, or Orators of some God; and were 〈◊〉 persuaded, to conceive a divine opinion of him, whom they so divinely Preached; & even to believe, that he could be no less, than the son of the great God. Their miracles got the hearts of 〈◊〉: but then Sermons, and 〈◊〉, were greater won. dear, than their miracles, and won more raulshed souls to heaven. Then Doctrine was full of power: their Discipline full of Charity: their Eloquence celestial: their Zeal 〈◊〉: their Life 〈◊〉: their Conversation 〈◊〉 their Profession, Humility; their Practice, 〈◊〉; their 〈◊〉, Humility. Read the sweet 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, replenished with many cordial narrations of their 〈◊〉 Virtues: and peruse the most rigorous Censures of their professed enemies, Pliny, 〈◊〉, Tacitus, Antoninus, Symachus; Lucian, Libanius, Philostratus, Eunapius, or any like, Latinist; or Grecian, (I except not Porphyry, Hierocles, or julian himself) and what Christian, or heathen judgement, with any indifferency can deny, but they always demeaned themselves, like well-affected, faire-conditioned, innocent, and kind persons; many ways gracious, and somewayes admirable Peace was them war: Unity their multiplication: good words, and good deeds, their edifying instruments: a general humanity toward all, wheresoever they travailed; and a special beneficence toward 〈◊〉 one, with whom they conversed, one of their Sovereign means, for the Propagation of Christianity. They knew his merciful, and Godfull meaning, that in an infinite and incomprehensible love, descended from heaven to save all upon Earth; and remembered how graciously his divine Self 〈◊〉, to converse with Publicans, and other sinners: what a sweet, and peerless Example of humblest Humility he gave his Disciples, when with his own immaculate hands he washed their feet: how appliably he framed himself to the proper disposition of every Nation, in drawing unto him the Magicians of the East, with the wondrous sight of a new Star; in moving the 〈◊〉 with miracles, and Parables; in showing himself a Prophet, & the very Messiah, to the Samaritans; in sending eloquent Paul to the eloquent Grecians, Zealous Peter to the devout Hebrues, and virtuous Romans, his brother Andrew to the stout Scythians, incredulous 〈◊〉 as to the infidel Parthians, and so forth: what a 〈◊〉 and precious dear Testament he left behind him, and with how unspeakable favour he bequeathed and disposed the rich hereditaments, and inestimable goods of his kingdom: how nearly it concerned the members of one body, without the least intestine disagreement, or faction, to tender and cherish one another with mutual indulgence: how fruitfully the militant Church had already increased by Concord, like a Plant of the triumphant Church, whose blissful consort incomparably passeth the sweetest harmony. The effect of such divine motions was heavenly: and whiles that celestial course continued, with an inviolable consent of United minds, even in some dissension of opinions, (for there was ever some difference in opinions) the Gospel reigned, and the Church flourished miraculously. It would make the heart of Piety, to weep for joyful compassion, to remember how the Blood of those, and those most-patient, but more glorious Martyrs, that might be slain, but not vanquished, was the Seed of the Church. The Church, that grew victorious, and mighty, by the beheading of Paul, and james; by the crucifying of Peter, Andrew, Philip, and Simon; by the stoning of Stephen; by the burning of Mark, and Barnabas; by the flaying of Bartholomew; by the murdering of Thomas with a dart, of Matthew with a sword, of Mathias with an axe, of james Alphaeus with a club; of how many renowned Martyrs with how many cruel and tyrannical torments; immortal monuments of their invincible Faith, and most honourable Constancy. When asperity, and Discord, degenerating from that Primitive order; took an other course, and began to proceed, more like Furies of hell, than Saints of the Church, or honest neighbours of the world: alas, what followed? And unless we retire to our principles, although mischief upon mischief be bad enough, yet ruin upon ruin will be worse. It is not a ruffianly style, or a tumultuous plot, that will amend the matter: some Apostolical virtues would do well; and thatsame evangelical humility were much-worth. In the mean season, surely reverend Bishops, and learned Doctors, albeit corruptible men, should be meeter to administer or govern Churches, then lusty Cutters, or insufficient Plotters, albeit reformed creatures. Sweet Martin, aswell junior, as Senior, (for juniours, and Seniors are all one, as old Master Raye said in his majoralty) and you sweet whirlwinds, that so fiercely besturr you at this instant; now again, and again I beseech you, either be content to take a sweeter course; or take all for me. My Interest in these causes is small: and howsoever some busy heads love to set themselves awork, when they might be otherwise occupied, yet by their favours, there is a certain thing, that passeth all Understanding; which I commend universally unto all, especially unto my friends, and singularly unto miselfe. Nulla salus bello: pacem te poscimus omnes. No Law to the Feciall Law; nor any Conquest to Pacification. Would Christ, Reformation could be entreated to begin at itself; and Discipline would be so good, as to show by example of her own house, where she inhabiteth, and consorteth, what a Precious, and heavenly thing it were for a whole kingdom, to live in such a celestial harmony of Pure Virtues, and all perfections. Theoricks', and Idees are quickly imagined in an aspiring fantasy: but an inviolable Practice of a divine excellency in human frailty, without excess, defect, or abuse, doubtless were a Crystal worth the seeing, and a glorious Mirror of eternal Imitation. When Contemplation hath a little more Experience, it shall find, that Action is scantly so smooth, and nimble a creature, as Speculation: two notable Precedents in Concreto, more rare, then twenty singular Types in abstracto: they that shoot beyond the mark in imagination, come short in trial: good intentions were never too-rife, & the best intentiens have gone astray. All men are not of one mould: there is as great difference of Ministers, and Aldermen, as of other persons: even where the spirit is strong, the flesh is sometime found weak enough: and the world, is a world of temptations, murmurings, offences, quarrels, trespasses, crimes, and continual troubles in one sort, or other.  
If the precisest, and most scrupulous Treatises, have much-adooe to uphold the credit of any perfection, or estimation, with their own associates; (how many heads, so many plots) what may Reason conceive of the assurance, or maturity of their judicial, or other moral Proceed in Esse? When His, and His Scripture, after some pretty pausing, is become Apocryphal with his, and his own adherents, whose writing was Scripture with many of them; how can any of them ascertain, or resolve themselves of the Canonical incorruption, or authentical omnisufficiency of his, or his actual government? When even He, that within these few years was alleged for Text, hath so emprooved his authority with a number of his feruentest brethren, that he will now be scantly allowed for a current Gloss; why should defeated Affection any longer delude itself with a prejudicate & vain imagination of an Alchimisticall Discipline, not so sweet in conceit, as sour in proof; and as defective in needful provision, as excessive in 〈◊〉 presumption? If Second cogitations be riper, and sounder, than the first; may not Third, or Fourth consultations take more & more advisement? If Bishopsgate be infected, is it unpossible for Alders-gate to be attainted? and if neither can be long clear in an Universal plague of Corruption, what reason hath Zeal to fly from God's blessing into a warm Sun? What a wisdom were it, to change for the worse? or what a notorious folly were it, to innovate, without infallible assurance of the better? What Politic state, or considerate people, ever laboured any Alteration, Civil, or Ecclesiastical, without Pregnant evidence of some singular, or notable Good, as certain in consequence, as important in estimation? To be short, (for I have already been overlong, and shall hardly qualify those headdie younkers with any Discourse) had Martin his lust, or Penry his wish, or Vdal his mind, or Brown his will, or Ket his fancy, or Barrow his pleasure, or Greenwood his harts-desire, or the freshest Practitioners their longing, (even to be judges of the Consistory, or Father's Conscript of the Senate, or Domine fac totum, or themselves wot not what); there might fallout five hundred practicable cases, and a thousand disputable questions in a year, (the world must be reframed anew, or such points decided) wherewith they never disquieted their brains, and wherein the learnedest of them could not say A. to the Arches, or B. to a Battledore. If the graver motioners of Discipline (who nodoubt are learneder men, and might be wiser: but M. Travers, M. Cartwright, Doctor Chapman, and all the grayer heads begin to be stolen with these Noovellists) have bethought themselves upon all cases, and cautels in Practice, of whatsoever nature, and have thoroughly provided against all possible mischieffs, inconveniences, and irregularities, aswell future, as present; I am glad they come so well prepared: surely some of the earnestest and egrest solicitors, are not yet so furnished. Words are good fellows, and merry men: but in my poor opinion, it were not amiss for some sweeting, and fierce doers at this instant, that would down with Clement, and up with Hildebrand, either to know more at home, or to stir less abroad. It is no trifling matter in a Monarchy, to hoise-up a new Authority, like that of the jewish Consistory above Kings, or that of the Lacedaemonian Ephorie above Tyrants, or that of the Roman Senate above Emperors. Howbeit if there be no remedy, but M. Fire must be the Pastor, M. Air the Doctor, goodman Water the Deacon, and goodman Earth the Alderman of the Church; let the young Calf, and the old Ass draw Cuts, whither of their heads shall wear the garland. And thus much in generality touching Martinizing, being urged to defend it, if I durst: but for fear of indignation I durst not. The several particularities, and more gingerly nicityes of rites, signs, terms, and what not? I refer to the discussion of professed Divines; or reserve for more leisure, and fit occasion.  
As for that new-created Spirit, whom double V like an other Doctor Faustus, threateneth to coniure-upp at leisure, (for I must return to the terrible creature, that subscribeth himself martin's Double V and will needs also be my Tittle-tittle) were that Spirit disposed to appear in his former likeness, and to put the Necromancer to his purgation, he could peradventure make the conjuring wizard for sake the centre of his Circle, and betake him to the circumference of his heels. Simple Creature, iwis thou art too-young an Artist to conjure him up, that can exorcize thee down: or to lamback him with ten years preparation, that can lamskin thee with a days warning. Out upon thee for a cowardly lambacker, that stealest-in at the back door; and thinkest to filch advantage on the backwing. Knaves are backbiters; whores bellybiters; and both sheepbiterss. Pedomancie fit for such Conjurers, than either chiromancy, or Necromancy, or any Familiar Spirit, but contempt. It is some-boddyes fortune, to be baunted with backfreendes: and I could report a strange Dialogue betwixt the Clerk of Backchurch, and the chanter of Pancridge, that would make the better vizard of the two to blush: but I favour modest ears; and a thousand honest tongues will justify it to thy face, Thou art as itwere a gross Idiot, and a very Ass in presenti, to imagine that thou couldst go scotfree in this fawcy reckoning, although the party conjured should say nothing, but Mum. Honesty goeth never Vnbacked: and Truth is a sufficient Patron to itself: and I know One, that hath written a Pamflet, entitled Cock-alilly, or, The white son of the Black Art. But he that can massacre Martin's wit, (thou remember'st thine own phrase) can rot Pat-hatchets brain: and he that can tickle Marprelate with taunts, can twitch double V to the quick: albeit he threaten no less, than the siege of Troy in his Notebook, and his pen resound, like the harnessed womb of the Trojan horse. I have seen a broad sword stand at the door, when a poinado hath entered: and although I am neither Ulysseses, nor Outis, yet perhaps I can tell, how No-boddy may do, that someboddy cannot do. Polyphemus was a mighty fellow, and conjured Ulysses' companions into excrements: (few Giants ever so hideous, as Polyphemus): but poor Outis was even with him, and No-boddy conjured his goggle eye, as well. I prey-thee sweet Pap, insult not overmuch upon quiet men: though my pen be no-boddy at a hatchet, and my tongue less than no-boddy at a beetle; yet Patience loveth not to be made a cart of Croyden; and no such libbard for a lively Ape, as fordead Silence. The merry Gentleman deviseth to disport himself, and his Copesmates, with a pleasurable conceit of quaking ears: and all my works, at least six sheets in quarto, called by miselfe, The first tome of my familiar Epistle: two impudent lies, and so known notoriously. He might as truly forge any lewd, or villainous report of any man in England; and for his labour challenge to be preferred to the Clarkship of the whetstone: which he is able to maintain sumptuously, with a mint of quaint, and Uncouth Similes, dainty monsters of Nature. I must deal plainly with the Spawn of rank Calumny: his knavish, & foolish malice palpably bewrayeth itself in most-odious fictions; meet to garnish the foresaid famous office of the whetstone. But what saith his own courageous Pen, of his own adventurous ears? If ripping-up of Lives make sport, have with thee knuckle deep: it shall never be said, that I dare not venture mine ears, where Martin hazards his neck. Some men are not so prodigal of their ears, how lavish soever Martin may seem of his neck: & albeit every man cannot compile such grand Volumes as Euphues, or rear such mighty tomes, as Pap hatchet; yet he might have thought, other poor menhave tongues, and pens to speak something, when they are provoked unreasonably. But losers may have their words, and Comedians their acts: such dry bobbers can lustily strike at other, and cunningly rap themselves. He hath not played the Vicemaster of Paul's, and the Foolemaster of the Theatre for noughts: himself a mad 〈◊〉, as ever twanged, never troubled with any substance of wit, or circumstance of honesty, sometime the fiddlestick of Oxford, now the very babble of London, would fayne forsooth have some other esteemed, as all men value him. A workman is easily descried by his terms: every man speaketh according to his Art: I am threatened with a Babble, and Martin menaced with a Comedy: a fit motion for a jester, and a Player, to try what may be done by employment of his faculty: Babbles & Comedies are perilous fellows to decipher, and discourage men, (that is the Point) with their witty flowers, and learned jerkes; enough to lash any man out of countenance. Na, if you shake the painted scabbard at me, I have done: and all you, that tender the preservation of your good names, were best to please Pap-hatchet, and fee Euphues betimes: for fear less he be moved, or some One of his Apes hired, to make a Play of you; and then is your credit quite-undone for ever, and ever: Such is the public reputation of their Plays. He must needs be discouraged, whom they decipher. Better, anger an hundred other, than two such; that have the Stage at commandment, and can furnish-out Vices, and Devils at their pleasure. Gentlemen, beware of a chafing pen, that sweateth-out whole realms of Paper, and whole theatres of jests: 'tis adventure, if he die not of the Papersweat, should he chance to be never so little overchafed. For the jest-dropsie is not so peremptory. But no point of Cunning, to the Tale of the Tub: that is the profound mystery, and the very Secret of Secrets. The sweet Sisters Answer, that in her conscience thought Lechery the Superficies of sin, (a rare word with women, but by her answer she should seem to be learned): the true Tale of one of Martin's godly sons, that having the Company of one of his sisters in the open fields, said he would not smoother-up sin, and deal in hugger-mugger against his conscience: (the Historiographer hath many privy intelligences): the sober tale of the Eldest Elder, that received forty Angels at his Table, where he sat with no less than forty good dishes of the greatest dainties, in more pomp, than a Pope: (he was not of the starved Pythagorean, or Platonical diet: but liberal exhibition may maintain good hospitality): the Zealous Looveletter, or Corinthian Epistle to the widow, as honest a woman, as ever burnt malt: (the wooer, or the Register of Aretine's Religion): the holy Oath of the Martinist, that thinking to swear by his conscience, swore by his Concupiscence: (did not he forget himself, that expressly affirmed? Martin will not swear: but with Indeed, In sooth, and In truth, bele cog the die of deceit:) these, and the rest of those bawdy Inventions, wherewith that brothellish Pamflet floweth, smell somewhat strongly of the Pump; and show the credibility of the Author, that dareth allege any impudent, profane, or blasphemous fiction to serve his turn. So he may soon make-up the authentical Legendary of his Hundred merry Tales: as true peradventure, as Lucian's true narrations; or the heroical histories of Rabelais; or the brave Legends of Errand Knights; or the egregious pranks of Owlglass, Friar Rush, Friar Tuck, and such like; or the renowned Bugiale of Poggius, Racellus, Luscus, Cincius, and that whole Italian crew of merry Secretaryes in the time of Pope Martin the fift; of whom our worshipful Clerks of the whetstone, Doctor Clare, Doctor Bourne, M. Scoggin, M. Skelton, M. Wakefield, divers late Historiologers, and haply this new Talefounder himself, learned their most-wonder-full faculty. Committing of matrimony; carousing the sap of the Church; cutting at the bum Card of conscience; besmearing of conscience; spelling of Our Father in a horn book; the railing Religion; and a whole sink of such arrant phrases, savour hotly of the same Lucianicall breath, & discoover the minion Secretary aloof. Faith, quoth himself, thou wilt be caught by thy style: Indeed what more easy, then to find the man by his humour, the Midas by his ears, the Calf by his tongue, the goose by his quill, the Playmaker by his style, the hatchet by the Pap? Albertus' Secrets, Poggius Fables, Bebelius jests, Scoggins tales, Wakefields lies, Parson Darcyes' knaveries, Tarlton's tricks, Eldertons' Ballads, Green's Pamflets, Euphues Similes, double Vs phrases, are too-well known, to go unknown. Where the Vein of Braggadocio is famous, the artery of Pappadocio cannot be obscure. Gentlemen, I have given you a taste of his Sugarloaf, that weeneth Sidneyes daintyes, Aschams confites, Cheeks succats, Smiths conserves, and Moor's junkets, nothing comparable to his pap. Some of you dreamt of electuaries of Gems, and other precious restoratives; of the quintessence of Amber, & Pearl dissolved, of I wot not what incredible delicacies: but his Gemmemint is not always current; and as busy men, so painted boxes, and gallipots must have a Vacation. Yet welfare the sweet heart of Dia-pap, Dia-fig, and Dia-nut, three sovereign Defensatives of the Commonwealth, and three cordial Comfortatives of the Church. It is a good hearing, when good fellows have a care of the Commonwealth, and the Church: and a godly motion, when Interluders leave penning their pleasurable Plays, to become Zealous Ecclesiastical writers. Bona fide, some have written notably against Martinisme: (it were a busy task for the crediblest Precisian, to impeach the credit of Doctor Bancroft, or Doctor Sutcliff): but this Mammaday hath excellently knocked himself on the sconce with his own hatchet. I will castaway no more ink upon a Compound of simples. The Pap is like the hatchet: the fig like the nut: the Country-cuff like the hangman's apron: the dog like the dog: john Anoke, and john Astile like the bailie of Withernam: the sign of the Crabtre cudgel like twackcoate Lane: martin's hanging like Pappadocios mowing: Huff, Rufman, and snuff, the three tame ruffians of the Church, like double V: never a lay in the barrel, better herring: the beginning, the midst, and the end, all in one pickle. Some roses amongst pricks, do well: and some lilies amongst thorns, would have done no harm. But Envy hath no fancy to the rose of the garden: and what careth Malice for the lily of the Valley? Would, fair Names were spells, and charms against fowl Affections: and in some respects I could wish, that Divinity would give Humanity leave to conclude otherwise, than I must. I could in courtesy be content, and in hope of Reconciliation desirous, to mitigate the harshest sentences, and mollify the hardest terms. But can Truth lie: or Discretion approve folly: or judgement allow Vanity: or Modesty abide Impudency: or good manners soothe bad speeches: He that penned the aboovementioned Cock-alilly, saw reason to display the Black Artist in his collier coolours: and thought it most-unreasonable, to suffer such light and empty vessels, to make such a loud, and proud rumbling in the air. Other had rather hear the learned Nightingale, than the Unlearned Parrot; or taste the wing of a Lark, than the leg of a Raven. The finest wits prefer the losest period in M. Ascham, or Sir Philip Sidney, before the tricksiest page in Euphues, or Pap-hatcher. The Muses, shame to remember some fresh quaffers of Helicon: and which of the Graces, or Virtues blusheth not, to name some lusty tosspots of Rhetoric? The stately Tragedy scorneth the trifling Comedy: and the trifling Comedy flouteth the new Ruffianisme. Wantonness was never such a swill-bowle of ribaldry: nor Idleness ever such a carowser of Knavery. What honest mind, or Civil disposition, is not accloied with thesenoisome, & nasty gargarisms? Where is the polished & refined Eloquence, that was wont to bedeck, and embellish Humanity? Why should learning be a niggard of his excellent gifts, when Impudency is so prodigal of his rascal trishtrash? What dainty, or neat judgement beginneth not to hate his old love, and loath his ancient delight, the Press, the most-honorable Press, the most-villanous Press? Who smileth not at those, and those trim-trammes of gaudy wits, how flourishing Wits, how fading wits? Who laugheth not at I'll, I'll, I'll; or gibeth not at some hundred Pibalde fooleries, in that harebrained Declamation? They whom it neerelyest pincheth, cannot silence their just disdain: and I am forcibly urged to intimate my whole Censure, though without hatred to the person, or derogation from any his commendable gift, yet not without special dislike of the bad matter, and general condemnation of the vile form. The whole Work, a bald Toy, full of stolen, and wooden jests; and one of the most paltry things, that ever was published by graduate of either University; good for nothing but to stop mustard pots, or rub gridirons, or feather rats nests, or such like homely use. For Stationers are already too-full of such Realms, and commonwealths of Wast-paper; and find more gain in the lily pot blank, then in the lily pot Euphued: a day, or two fine for sheets, and afterward good for grocers: Vanitas vanitatum, the foam of grudge, the froth of levity, the scum of corruption, and the very scurf of rascallity: nothing, worthy a Scholar, or a Civil Gentleman: altogether fantastical, and fond, without rhyme, or reason: so oddly huddled, and bungled together, in so madbraine sort, and with so brainsick stuff, that in an Overflow of so many frivolous, and ridiculous Pamflets, I scarcely know any One in all points, so incomparably vain and absurd, whereunto I may resemble that most toyish and piperly trifle, the fruit of an addle, and lewd wit, long-since dedicated to a dissolute, and desperate Licentiousness. Oh what a Magnifico would he be, were his purse as heavy, as his head is light, and his heart frank? Even thatsame Very Mirror of Madness, hangeth together with some more coherence of reason; and smelleth not so rankly of the Tavern, the Alehouse, the Stews, the Cucking-stool, or other such honest places, as that drunken, and shameless Declamation; Unbeseeming any, but an Orator of Bedlam, a Rhetorician of Bridewell, or Discourser of Primrose hill. And although thatsame French Mirror, be ex Professo devised in a mad garish vain, and stuffed with gear homely enough, fit for a Libertine & frantic Theme: yet doth it no so basely borrow of the Ruffians bag, the Tapster's spigot, the Pedlar's pack, the Tinkars bugget, the Knaves truss, and the Rogue's farthel: unto all which, and other authors of like reputation, but chief to the Hangman's apron, (that, that is the biggin of his wit), this worthy Autour is deeply beholding for great part of his fine conceits, and dainty learning; precious ware for Euphued creatures, and fantastical colrs: whose wild and madbrain humour nothing fitteth so just, as the stalest dudgeon, or absurdest balductum, that they, or their mates can invent, in odd and awke speeches, disguisedly shapen after the antic fashion, & monstrously shorn, like old Captain Lister's spamnel. They that affect such ruffianish braveries, and divide their roisterdoistring jests into Cuts, slashes, and foines, may bestow the reading: for any other of whatsoever quality, or calling, it will do them as much good, as dirt in their shoes, or draff in their bellies: and in good sooth there is all the use, Civil, or Ecclesiastical, that I can find of this Babees pap: whom for his sweet entertainment with pap, fig, and nut, I officiously recommend to the Ship of Fools, and the Galeasse of knaves. When he useth himself with more modesty, and his friends with more discretion, I may alter my style: (let him change, and I am changed): or if already he be ashamed of that conjuring leaf, foisted-in like a Bumcarde, I have said nothing. Till he disclaimeth his injury, in Print; or confesseth his oversight, in writing; or signifieth his Penitence, in speech: the abused party, that had reason to setdowne the Premises without favour, hath cause to justify his own hand without fear; and is aswell in equity to avow Truth, as in charity to disavow Malice. At Trinity hall: this fift of November: 1589.   

SO then of Pappadocio: whom nevertheless I esteem a hundred times learneder, and a thousand times honester, than this other Braggadocio; that hath more learning, than honesty, and more money, than learning, although he truly entitle himself, Pierce penniless, and be elsewhere styled the Gentleman Ragamuffin. Nash, the Ape of green, green the Ape of Euphues, Euphues the Ape of Envy, the three famous mammets of the press, and my three notorious feudists, draw all in a yoke: but some Scholars excel their masters; and some lusty blood will do more at a deadly pull, than two, or three of his yokefellowes. It must go hard, but he will emproove himself, the incompatable darling of immortal Vanity. Howbeit his friends could have wished, he had not shown himself to the world, such a ridiculous Suffenus, or Shakerly to himself, by advancing the triumphal garland upon his own head, before the least skirmish for the victory: which if he ever obtain by any valiancy, or bravure, (as he weeneth himself, the valiantest and bravest Actor, that ever managed pen) I am his bondman in fetters, and refuse not the humblest vassalage to the sole of his boot. Much may be done by close confederacy, in all sorts of cozenage, and legierdemane: Monsieur Pontalais in French, or Messer unico in Italian, never devised such a nipping Comedy, as might be made in English, of some leaguers in the quaint practics of the Crossbiting Art: but I have seen many Bearwardes, and Butchers in my time; and have heard of the one, what belongeth to Apes; and have learned of the other, not to be afraid of a dozen horned beasts: albeit some one of them should seem as dreadful, as the furious dun Cow of Dunsmore heath, the terriblest foman of Sir Guy. Aesop's Ox, though he be a sure ploughman, is but a slow workman: and Green's Ape, though he be a nimble juggler, is no sure executioner. Yet well-worth the Master-Ape, and Captaine-mammet, that had a hatcher, aswell as Pap; a Country cuff, aswell as a fig; a crabtree cudgel, aswell as a nut; something of a mans-face, with more of an Apes-face. Had his pen been muzzled at the first, as his mouth hath been bunged since, these fresh Euphuistes would never have adventured upon the whip, or the bob: but Silence is a slave in a chain; and Patience the common Packhorse of the world. Even this brat of an Apesclogge, that can but mowgh with his mouth, gnash with his teeth, quaver with his ten bones, and brandish his goose-quill; presuming of my former sufferance, layeth about him with the said quill, as if it were possessed with the spirit of Orlando Furioso, or would teach the club of Gargantua to speak English. For the flail of Ajax distrawght, or the club of Hercules enraged, were but hedge-stakes of the old world; and unworth the naming in an age of puissance emprooved horribly. The newest Legends of most hideous exploits, may learn a new Art to kill cow men with peremptory terms, and bugges-wordes of certain death. Poor I must needs be plagued; plagued? na, brayed & squeezed to nothing, that am matched with such a Gargantuist, as can devour me quick in a salad; and thundereth more direful threatenings against me, that only touched him; then huge Polyphemus roared against Ulysses, that blinded him; or banning Virgil reared against Arius, that spoilt him. Genus irritabile Vatum. The generation of raving Poets, is a swarm of gad-bees; and the anger of a moody rhymester, the fury of a Wasp. A mad Tiger, not like a mad Wasp; and a chafed Wildbore, not comparable to a chafed gad-bee. Take heed of the man, whom Nature hath marked with a gag-tooth; Art furnished with a gag-tongue; and Exercise armed with a gagpenne; as cruel and murderous weapons, as ever drew blood. The best is, who hath time, hath life. He meaneth not to come upon me with a cowardly stratagem of Scarborough warning: he useth a certain gallant Homerical Figure, called Hysteron-proteron, or the Cart before the horse; & with a resolution menaceth the effect, before the Causes be begotten. When the iron Cart is made, and the fiery horses fole, they shall bring the mighty Battringram of terms, and the great Ordinance of miracles, to town: ask not then, how he will plague me. In the mean season, it is a wonder to see, how courageously he taketh-on with his hostesses needles, and his butchers bodkins. Indeed a good Soldier will make a shrewd shift with any weapons: but it is a marvelous heart, that threateneth Ruin, ruin, ruin, with the dint of a bodkin, and the blade of an awl. Where such an other Rodomont, so furious, so valorous, so redoutable? There is a piece of a good old Song, peradventure as ancient, as the noble legend of Sir Bevis, or Sir Lancelot du Lake: 
Dubba-dubba-dubb, kill him with a club:   
And he will not die, kill him with a fly. He that made that Rhyme in jest, little considered, what a gad-fly may do in earnest. It is small wisdom, to contemn the smallest enemy: the gad-fly is a little creature; but some little creatures be stingers: never falchion better managed, than some tidy penneknives: and what will he do, when he rusheth upon me with the tempestuous Engines of his own wit, that keepeth such a horrible coil with his Schoolfellows poinado? An Ape is never to seek of a good face, to set upon the matter. Blessed Euphues, thou only happy, that hast a train of such good countenances, in thy flourishing greene-motley livery: miserable I, the unhappiest on earth, that am left desolate. Ah, but that might be endured: every man is not borne, to be the leader of a band: every bird carrieth not Argus eyes displayed in her tail: Fame is not every bodies Saint: to be forsaken, is no great matter; to be utterly undone, is miserable. That, and the Vnmercifullest persecution that may be invented, is cruelly proclaimed against quiet him, that was once thronged and pestered with followers: but when he began to give-over that green haunt, and betook himself to a riper Profession, Diomedes companions were changed into birds. Times alter: and as Fortune hath more sectaries, than Virtue; so Pleasure hath more adherents, than profit: I had no sooner shaken of my young troop, whom I could not associate as before, but they were festivally reinterteined by some nimble wights, that could take the advantage of opportunity (with good visages you may be sure), and had purposely line in wait to climb in Print, by the fall of their Seniors: like ambitious Planets, that enhaunse their own dignities, by the combustion, or retrogradation of their fellow-Planettes. Much good may that advancement do them; and many dainty webs may I see of those fine Spiders: but although I dote upon curious workmanship, yet I love not artificial poison; and am almost angry with the trimmest Spinners, when they extort venom out of flowers, and will needs defile their friends Libraries with those encroaching cobwebs. I wis it were purer Euphuisme, to win hoony out of the thistle; to sweeten Alöe with sugar; to perfume the stinking Sagapenum with musk; and to mitigate the heat of Euforbium with the 〈◊〉 of the lily. Tush, you are a silly humanitian of the old world: that was the simplicity of the age, that loved friendship, more than gold, & esteemed every thing fine, that was neat, & wholesome: all was pure, that was seasoned with a little salt; & all trim, that was besprinkled with a few flowers: now the fiercest Gunpowder, and the rankest pikesawce, are the bravest figures of Rhetoric in esse: and he the only man at the scriveners Pistol, that will so incessantly haunt the Civilian, and Divine, that to avoid the hot chase of his fiery quill, they shallbe constrained to ensconse themselves in an old Urinal case. Give me such a Bonifacius. Now well-worth some terms of Aqua fortis at a pinch: and welcome Urinal case, a fit sconce for such valiant terms; and a meet Bulwark against that fiery quill. I have already felt his pulse; and cannot well cast his water, without an Urinal, either old, or new: but an old Urinal will not so handsomely serve the turn: it would be as new, as the Capcase of Strange News: but a pure mirror of an impure stale; neither gross, the clearer to represent a gross substance; nor green, the livelier to express some green colours, & other wanton accidents; nor anyway a harlot, the truelier to discoover the state of a harlotry. I have seen as hot an Agent made a tame Patient; and glad to ensconse the dregs of his shame in an old Urinal. It is a blab: but not every man's blab, that casteth a sheepes-eye out of a Calues-head; but a blab with judgement; but a blab, that can make excrements blush, and teach Chawcer to retell a Canterbury Tale. But such great judicials require some little study: and S. Fame is disposed to make it Hallyday. She hath already put-on her wispen garland over her pouting Cros-cloth: and behold with what an Imperial Majesty she cometh riding in the ducking-chariot of her Triumph. I was never so sick of the milt, but I could laugh at him, that would seem a merry man, & cannot for his life keepe-in the breath of a fumish fool. Fie, long Megg of Westminster would have been ashamed to disgrace her Sunday bonnet with her Saturday wit. She knew some rules of Dccorum: and although she were a lusty bouncing ramp, somewhat like Gallemella, or maid Marian, yet was she not such a roinish rannell, or such a dissolute gillian-flurtes, as this wainscot-faced Tomboy; that will needs be Danters' Malkin, and the only hag of the Press. I was not wont to endight in this style: but for terming his fellow green, as he was notoriously known, the Scrivener of Crosbiters; the founder of ugly oaths, the green master of the black art; the mocker of the simple world, et caetera: see, how the daggletaild rampalion bustleth for the franktenement of the dunghill. I confess, I never knew my invective Principles, or confuting terms before: and perhaps some better Scholars are nigh-hand as far to seek in the kind rudiments, and proper phrases of pure Nasherie. Why, thou errant Butter whore, (quoth he, or rather she) thou Cotqueane and scrattop of scolds, wilt thou never leave afflicting a dead carcase, continually read the Rhetoric Lecture of Ram ally? A wisp, a wisp, a wisp, rip, rip you kitchenstuff wrangler. Holla Sir, sweeter words would do no harm. Doubtless these emphatical terms of the ally, were laid asteepe for some other acquaintance, not for me: (good fellows must be furnished with Oratory, meet for their company): but it is some men's evil luck, to stumble in the way, when Will Summers' weapon is ready drawn: and yet more possible for him to stay the swing of his eager hand, then for Malkin to stay the dint of her moody tongue; that can teach the Storme-winde to scold English; and pleadeth natural possession of the Cucking-stool. It is good policy, to yield to the fury of the tempest: (the resolutest hearts are fain to yield to the imperious jurisdiction of Storms, and Shrews): and the stamping fiend, in the Hoathouse of her foaming Oratory, will have the last word. Sweet Gossip, disquiet not your loovely self: the dunghill, is your freehold; and the Cucking-stool, your Copyhold: I know none so rank-minded, to enter upon your proper possessions thy riot: and in case thou wilt needs also, be the Schoolemistris of Ramme-ally, certainly thou desirest but thy right; that canst read a Rhetotorique, or Logic Lecture to Hecuba in the Art of raving, and instruct Tisiphone herself in her own gnashing language. Other He-or She-drabs, of the cursedest, or vengeablest ranks, are but dipped, or died in the Art: not such a Belldam in the whole kingdom of Frogs, as thy croaking, and most clamorous Self. Even Martin's Unbridled style, and Paphatchets reastie eloquence, is but a curtailed jade to thy longtaild Colt. Let the Clock strike: I have lost more hours; and lose nothing, if I find Equity. Should the Butterwhore, bestir herself like an arrant Knight, and try all the conclusions of her cherne, she might peradventure in some sort pay thee home with Schoolebutter: but undoubtedly she should have much ado, to stop thy Oven-mouth with a lid of Butter, that hast swapped-downe a pound of Butter at a piece of a Breakfast, or else there be lies; and art such a Witch for a cherne, or a cheese-presse, as is not to be found in the Mallet of Witches, or in Monsieur Bodines' Daemonomania. Three meals of a Lazarello, make the fourth a Woolner: and it is a craven frying-pan, that is afraid of a Butterwhore. No, no; the butterwhore is thy bondmaide in a bunch of keys: and take heed sirrah, the Cheeseknave be not her bondman in a load of logs. She cometh not of the blood of the threateners: but kitchenstuff, and a Cole-rake have in times past been of some familiar acquaintance: and it is a bad payer of tongues, that cannot make as good sport at a pinch, as a payer of bellows. Though a dish of buttered pease, be no great Warrior; yet a mess of buttered artichokes, may perhaps hold you some pretty tack. Only I bar thossame hoursonne unlawful terms, steeped in cisterns of Aqua fortis, and Gunpowder: and have at you a gentle crash; when it shall please the Urinal, and the Dairy, to give me leave to play, with a butterfly. I do you, the uttermost credit in the world, that am ever glad to seek dilatory excuses, and to crave a term ad deliberandum. The fortune of the field, with pike, or pen, is like the luck of Navigation, or the hap of marriage: and I love not greatly, to chop upon maine-chaunces. Nothing Venture, nothing lose; none of the worst rules, or cautels for their security, that can tell Stories of haphazard; and have known some gallants more hardy, then wise. Humanity is desirous of Peace with the best; and of truce with the worst: and truly I never longed to fight it out with flat strokes, Until I must needesly needs: but if there be no remedy by treaty, or amicable composition, although I was ever a sloweworme in the Morning, yet I cannot abide to go to bed with a Dromedary. I cannot marvel enough, how the nimble Bee should be engendered of the sluggish Ox, or the lively wasp of the dead horse: but Nature is a miraculous, and omnipotent workman; and I find it true by Experience, that I must learn to imitate by Example, or prejudice miselfe by favouring other. To prejudice, were a small matter, where the party leveleth at no great matter: but when a man's credit is assaulted with bugges-wordes, and his wit beleaguered with the ever-playing shot of the Press; Wisdom must pardon him, whom Follie assaileth; and Humanity dispense with a necessary Apology. I would I might make it a Policy, to make myaduersarie much, and much, and much better, than he is: that I might reencounter him with the more reputation, or the less disparagement: but it is his glory, to shame himself notoriously; and he will needs proclaim his own vanities in a thousand sentences, and whole Volumes of ribaldry; not to be read but upon a muckhill, or in the privyest privy of the Bordello. Let his Vices sleep on a down pillow: would, I could awaken his Virtues; and stop their mouths, that wish me in sober earnest, not to foil my hands upon such a contemptible rascal; but to let the reckless Villain play with his own shadow: (Truth is my witness, divers honest men of good reckoning, and sundry worshipful Gentlemen, have advised me in those very terms expressly): but sithence I can do him no good by persuasion, it were folly to suffer him to do me harm by detraction. You that are not ascertained of the lewd, and vile disposition of the man, imagine as favourably of him, as Charity can possibly conceive of an impudent Railer, and a profane mouth: but you, that can skill of learning, and love Scholarship, give him his desert: do Equity right, and him no wrong, that wrongeth whom he listeth. They that have leisure, to castaway, (who hath not some idle hours to lose?) may peruse his guegawes with indifferency: and find no Art, but Euphuisme; no wit, but Tarletonisme; no honesty, but pure Scogginisme; no Religion, but precise Marlowisme; no consideration, but mere Nashery: in brief, no substance, but light feathers; no accidents, but lighter colours; no transcendents, but lightest fantasies; that sty above the highest region of the clouds, and purpose to have a saying to the man in the Moon. His mountains of Imagination, are too-apparent: his designments of Vanity, too-visible: his plots of Ribaldry, too-palpable: his forms of libeling, too-outragious: S. Fame, the goddess of his devotion: S. Blaze, the idol of his Zeal: S. Awdry, the lady of his love: and the young Vicar of old S. Fools, his ghostly Father. I have heard of many notable proud fools: read of many egregious aspiring fools: seen many haughty vainglorious fools: wondered at many busy tumultuous fools: but never saw such a famous arrogant conceited fool, the very transcendent fool of the Ship; that hugely contemneth all the world, but his own Flimflams; and against all Policy, maketh his adversary more than an Ass, and less than nothing; whose victory otherwise mought peradventure have seemed something. But to overcrow an Ass, is a sorry Conquest; and a miserable Trophy for so douty a Squire. There were ways enough of answering, or confuting, with variety, and reason; to his own credit, the satisfaction of other, and my contentment: although he had not desperately, and scurrilously broken-out into the foulest and filthiest scurf of odious terms, that Villainy could invent, or Impudence utter. Iwis he mought have spied a difference, between staring, and starke-blinde; between raging, and starke-madd; between confuting, and rank railing in the grossest sort. Had he seasoned his style with the least spice of discretion, or tempered his unmeasurable licentiousness with any moderation in the world; or had he not most arrantly laboured, to show himself the very brazen forehead of Impudence, and the iron mouth of Malediction, without all respect: he mought easily have found me the calmest, and tractablest adversary, that ever he provoked; as reasonable for him, as for miselfe, in causes of Equity; and as partial to foe, as to friend, in controversies of Truth. But it is the topp-gallant of his bravest bravure, to be a Creator of Asses, a Confuter of Asses, and a Conqueror of Asses: Asses are borne to bear; and Birds to soar aloft. No wings, to the wings of Self-conceit; nor any sails, to the sails of words: but haggard wings are sometimes clipped; and hoist sails oftentimes humbled. Words amount, like Castles of vapours, or pillars of smoke, that make a mighty show in the Air, and strait Vanish-away. Howbeit Envy, is a soaking Register: and Spite, a Remembrancer of trust. That would be written in a glass of wine, is otherwhiles found in tables of marble, and indentures of wainescot. The Oestridge can devour the rust of Iron; and the gall of present Obloquy may be brucked: but the notebook of malice, is a monument of Tuchstone; and the memorial of Feud, the claw of an Adamant. Pride swelleth in the pen of arrogancy: Vanity bubbleth in the mouth of folly: Rancour boileth in the heart of Vengeance: mischief hammereth in the head of Villainy: and no such Art memorative, as a Crabtree desk. But in contempt of Pride, I will speak one proud word: Vain Nash, whom all posterity shall call vain Nash, were thou the wisest man in England, thou wouldst not; or were thou the valiantest man in England, thou durst not have written, as thou hast desperately written, according to thy green wit: but thou art the boldest bayard in Print; a harebrained fool in thy head; avile swad in thy heart; a fowl liar in thy throat; and a vainglorious Ass in thy pen: as I will prove upon the carcase of thy wit, and courage, throughout all the Predicaments of proof. I hate malice in miselfe: but love not to be an Upholster of stuffed, and bombasted malice in other. And because thou termest me an old Fencer; (indeed I was once Tom Burleys Scholar); and needest displing, as much as any rakehell in England: Wheresoever I meet thee next, after my first knowledge of thy person, (not for mine own revenge, but for thy correction) I will make thee a simple fool, and a double swad, aswell with my hand, as with my tongue; & will engrave such an Epitaph, with such a Kyrieeleson upon thy skull, as shall make thee remembered, when Sir Gawin's skull shall be forgotten. Some bibber of Helicon, will deem it worth eternal record. And if thou entreat me not the fairer, (hope of amendment preventeth many ruins), trust me, I will batter thy carrion to dirt, whence thou camest; & squise thy brain to snivel, whereof it was curdled: na, before I leave powdering thee, I will make thee swear, thy father was a Ropemaker; and proclaim thiselfe, the basest drudge of the Press; with such a strange Confutation of thine own strange News, as shall bring Sir Vainglory on his knees; and make Master Impudence blush, like a Virgin. Thy wit already maketh buttons: but I must have S. Fame disclaim her black Sanctus; and Nashes devout Supplication to God, to forgive Pierces reprobrate Supplication to the Devil. It must be roundly done: or I will with a charm for a full stomach, make the gorge of thy belching Rhetoric, & the paunch of thy surfeiting Poetry, fling figures upward, and downward. Fie, what need that be spoken? True: there is choice enough of sweeter flowers; & neat Oratory interteineth neatest Civility; (what relish so pleasant, as the breath of Suada; or what smell so aromatical, as the voice of the Muses?) but the mouth of a rude Ass, can taste no other lettuce; and the spawn of a beastly dogfish, will understand no other language but his own. Fury must be tamed with Fury, according to Homer, that teacheth the God of the field to strike home; obstinacy awed with obstinacy; force mastered with force; threatenings cooled with threatenings; contempt answered in his own tongue: and seeing the wild Colt is so unreasonably lusty, I mean percase either to make his courage crouch forward, or his Art winch backward. I have twenty and twenty charms, for the breaking of stubborn jades, for the biting of mad dogs, for the stinging of Scorpions, for the darting of Urchins, for the haunting of spirits, for the storming of tempests, for the blasting of lightning, for the rattling of thunder, and so forth; even for the craking of an hundred Paphatchets, or a thousand Green's, or ten thousand Nashes Peagooses. And in case all happen to fail, (for it must be a mighty Exorcism, that can coniure-downe Spite) I have a Probatumest, of a rare and powerable virtue, that will hold the nose of his, or his conceit to the grindstone; and make gentle Villainy confess, all the shreds, and rags of his slashingest terms, are worn to the stumps. The desperate fool may clawback himself awhile: but it is possible, he may soon find by sound Experience; He brayeth open war against him, that can bray the Asse-drumme in a mortar; & stamp his jewes-trumpe to Pindust. Tom Drum, reconcile thiselfe with a Counter-supplication: or surely, it is fatally done; and thy S. Fame utterly undone world without end. As savoury a Saint, by the verdict of that excellent Gentlewoman, as the cleanly disbursing of the dirtpurse of Sir Gargantua, that made king Charlemagne, and his worthy Chivalry, laugh so mightily, that their heads ached eight days after. A meet Idol for such a Beadman.  
I have digressed from my purpose, and wandered out of my accustomed way: but when the buttermilk goeth on Pilgrimage, you must give the butterwhere leave to play the arrant knight a crash, and to make it ganging week for once. Ganging week? na, a ganging day, I trow, is a large allowance; and enough to betire a poor straggling wench for all her brags. Never sorry lass so pitifully weary of her ragged petticoat, and dagled tail; the tattered livery of the confuting Gentleman. Let it go; and the wisp go with it. I honour the meekest Humility; but scorn the infolentest Arrogancy under my foot; and say to the highest Imagination of Vanity, Thou art a proud Fop. When thou carriest thy wit loftiest, and prankest-upp thy selfelooue in his gawdiest colours, Thou art but an Ass' head, and a peacocks tail. love other; and thou mayst be loved of other for pure Charity: hate other, and thou art one of the most odious paddes in the world: a Turk, for M. Aschams Archers to shoote-at; and a jews eye, for Christian needles. Now a little breathing pause will do no harm.  
Were not Malice as wilful in maintaining abuse, as rash in offering the same; & Arrogancy as obstinate in the Conclusion, as violent in the Premises: I readily could, & willingly would undertake a more temperate, and pleasing course: but the fairest offer is foully contemned; the gentlest suit unkindly repulsed; say I, what I can, malice willbe itself; or do I, what I can, Arrogancy willbe itself: and no other impression can sink into the heart of Spite, or the ear of Pride, but instigations of Spite, or suggestions of pride. Other motives, are mere simplicities: and every treaty of pacification, or parley of reconciliation, the shaking of an aspen leaf. The devils Orator, is an Herald of war, not a Legate of Peace: and his Dams Poet, the rankest challenger at short, or long, that ever sent defiance in white, or black. To refuse the trial, would in the common opinion seem a shame; to accept the offer, in the best judgements is a shame: to take the foil, were a discredit; to give the foil, is no credit. A hard case, where Patience may be supposed simple, and avengement will be reputed unwise; where I cannot hold my peace without war upon war, nor speak without blame upon blame; where I must either be a passive, or an active Ass in Print. I stand not upon the point of honour, or upon terms of reputation: but as it is a glory for the inferior, to offer the combat, like the Champion of prows, or the duelist of courage; so I would the superior might refuse that without prejudice, which he cannot undertake without disparagement, or perform without obloquy. To spoil Pierce penniless, were a poor booty: and to make Thomas Nash kiss the rod (by her favour, that hath pleasurably made him a Sultan Tomumboius, & another Almamnus Hercules, the great Captain of the Boys) were as sorry a victory; but only in her Bello Euboico, or in her main-battaile of Scouldes. Yet seeing he provoketh me so malapertly hand to hand; & seeing the infancy of his fancy will not otherwise be weaned from his crank conceit: better such a victory with some inconvenience, (for I hope, I may without arrogancy presume of the victory) then continual disturbance with more and more mischief. Hector never raged amongst the Grecians, nor Achilles amongst the Troyans'; as Meridarpax, the most furious, and thriseredoubted Captain of the mice, rushed upon the woeful frogs, in that Heroical battle. But Meridarpax himself, in his ●…npetuous, and massacrous sallies, never made such a havoc of the miserable frogs: as this Swash-pen would make of all English writers, howsoever garnished with eloquence, or stored with matter, might he be suffered to hew them down, like stocks, or shrubs, without controwlement. He will soon be ripe, that already 〈◊〉 so lusty onsets; & threateneth such desperate main careers, as surpass the fiercest Cavalcads of Bellerophon, or Don Alonso d' Aualos. Nothing curtaileth the courage of his bravery, or daunteth the swelling chivalry in his nostrils, but that excellent learning is not esteemed, as it deserveth: nor singular men advanced, according to the merits of their worthiness. Might penniless, singular penniless, be the Preferrer of his own Virtue, or judge of his own cause; (as he courageously contendeth): I believe, a Velvet coat were scantly good enough for his wearing, that now remaineth most humbly, and thrise-affectionatly bounden to the Right-honorable Printing-house, for his poor shifts of apparel, and his rich cap of maintenance. An Anatome of the Mind, and Fortune, were respectively as behoveful and necessary, as an Anatome of the Body: but this Captain-Confuter, (like gallant Lobbellinus in a new livery) neither knoweth himself, nor other: yet presumeth he knoweth all things, with an overplus of somewhat more, in knowing his Railing Grammar, his Raving Poetry, his Roisting Rhetoric, and his Chopping Logic: with whose help, he hath thwitled the milpost of his huge, and omnipotent conceit, to a pudding-pricke of Strange News. Strange news indeed, that Pierce penniless should create more Asses in an hour; then the brave king of France, (now the mightiest Warrior in Christendom, and a great advancer of valour,) hath dubbed Knights in his reign. The Ironyes of Socrates, Aristophanes, Epicharmus, Lucian, are but Carterly derisions: the Ironyes of Tully, Quintilian, Petrarch, Pontane, Sanazarius, king Alphonsus, but the sorry jests of the Counsel-table Ass, Richard Clarke: the Ironyes of Erasmus in his praise of Folly; of Agrippa in his dispraise of Sciences; of Cardan in his Apology of Nero, like Isocrates commendation of Busiris, or Lucian's defence of Phalaris the Tyrant, but Good Bear bite not: the Ironyes of Sir Thomas More in his Utopia, Poems, Letters, and other writings; or of any their Imitators at occasion, but the girds of every milkmaid. They were silly country fellows, that commended the Bald pate, the Fever quartan; the fly, the flea, the gnat, the sparrow, the wren, the goose, the ass; flattery, hypocrisy, cousinage, bawdry, lechery, buggery, madness itself. What Dunce, or Sorbonist cannot maintain a Paradox? What Peasant cannot say to a glorious Soldier? Pulchrè meherculè dictum, & sapienter: or, Lautè, lepidè, nihil supra: or, Regem elegantem narras: or, a man is a man, though he have but a hose upon his head: or so forth. No such light payment Gabriel, at Pierce penniless, or Thomas Nashes hand. They are rare, and 〈◊〉 wits, that can roundly call a man Ass at every third word; and make not nice, to befool him in good sullen earnest, that can strangle the proudest breath of their pens, and meaneth to borrow a sight of their giddiest brains, for a perfect Anatome of Vanity, and Folly. Though strong drink fumeth, & Aqua fortis fretteth; yet I will not exchange my Milkmaid's Irony, for his Draff-maides assery. It is not the first time, that I have disputed de Vmbra Asini; and proved the Fox, the finder; as wily a pigeon, as the cunning Goldsmith, that accused his neighbour, and condemned himself. A melancholy body, is not the kindest nurse for a cheerly mind: (the jovial complexion is sovereignly beholding to Nature): but I know not a finer transformation in Ovid, than the Metamorphosis of dudgeon earnest into sport; of harsh sour into sweet; of loss into gain; of reproach into credit; of whatsoever bad occurrence into some good. I was never so splenetique, when I was most dampish, but I could smile at a friseiest, when the good man would be pleasurable; and laugh at fustian earnest, when the merry man would be surly. Strange News willbe as pleasant as a cricket, by cats pangs: and where such a Turlery-ginkes of conceit, or such a gibbihorse of pastime, as Strange News? But fillip him, or twitch him never so little; and not such a pouting wasp in Ramme-ally, or such a wenching jade in Smithfield. Then Ass, and worse than a Cumane Ass, and fool, and dolt, and idiot, and Dunse, and Dorbell, and dodipoul, and Gibaltar, and Gamaliell Hobgoblin, and Gilgilis Hobbadehoy; and all the rusty-dusty jests in a country, are too-little for his great Confutation, that is lineally descended ab Equis ad Asinos; and taketh-on, like Hob-all-as, a stout king of the Saracens. When I am better grammered in the Accidents of his proper Idiotism, and grown into some more acquaintance with his confuting Dictionary; I may peradventure construe, and pierce the whole Alphabet of his sweet Eloquence a little better; and make some farther trial of M. Aschams double translation, a pretty exercise in a fit subject. Meanwhile I am glad, to see him swim up to the beardless chin in a Sea of hoony, and ypocrase, that so lately was plunged in a Gulf of other liquor, and parlously dashed upon the horrible Rock of desperation. It is good, they say, to be merry, and wise.  
Poggius was merry, and Panormitan wise: Marot was merry, and Bellay wise: Scoggin was merry, and the Lord Cromwell wise: green was merry, and Sir Christopher Hatton wise: Nash is merry, and there be enough wise, though his mother's son be Pierce penniless. Or if thou beast wise, or wouldst seem no fool, beware of Casualties, & a new Attractive. Thy tongue is a mighty loadstone of Asses; and must do as much for thine own natural ears, as the Magnes doth for Iron. As good do it at-first, as atlast: and better voluntary confession with favour, than enforced profession with more shameful penance. Balaams' Ass was wise, that would not run upon the Angel's sword: Aesop's Ass no fool, that was glad to fawn upon his master, like a Dog: Lucian's Ass, albeit he could not fly, like the witch his hostess, (whose miracles he thought to imitate, had not her gentle maid coosened him with a wrong box) yet could he Politicly save himself, please, or ease his masters, delight his mistresses, show many artificial feats, amaze the beholders, drink the purest wine in Thessalonica, and finally eat roses, aswell as thistles: Apulius Ass, was a pregnant Lucianist, a cunning Ape, a looving worm, and (what worthier praise?) A golden Ass: Machiavels' Ass of the same metal, and a deep Politician, like his founder, could provide for One, better than the Sparrow, or the Lily: Agrippa's Ass, a wonderful compound, and (may I say?) a divine beast, knew all things, like Solomon, and bore all burdens, like Atlas. The great Library of king Ptolemy in Egypt, reported to have been replenished with seventy thousand Volumes, not such a Library of books, or such an University of Arts, & Sciences, as Agrippa's Ass. They that reverence the wondrous Prophecies of the Cumane sybil, A malthea, the chiefest of the ten inspired Sibylles; defend, or favour the excellent qualities of the Cumane Ass; esteemed by Varro, the most profitable servant of that Country, and by Columella the most necessary Instrument of all Countries. Every Ass is naturally a well disposed creature, and (as the learned Rabbins have written) a mirror of clemency, patience, abstinence, labour, constancy, and divine wisdom. No such Schoolmaster for a wild boy, or a rash fool, as the sober, and stayed Ass; the Countryman of the wise Apollo, and the seven wise masters.  
Venerat & senior pando Silenus asello. Silenus' the tender foster-father, and sage tutor of the wanton and frolic Bacchus, afterward how brave, and fruitful? What an Oriental worthy? What an Indian Conqueror? What a festival God? When Priapus, the shameless God of the garden, (so gentility called that lecherous Devil) attempted to surprise Vesta sleeping; what an honourable piece of service performed the honest Ass, that with his loud braying detected that villainous assault? What heathen memorial more shameful to that infamous God, than the solemn Sacrifice of that famous beast, celebrated by the Lampsacens, in revengement, and reproach of that treasonable enterprise? But what treason, like the treason of Politic Achitophel, and plausible Absalon, that most disloyally, and desperately rebelled against the sacred majesty of the most valorous, and incomparable worthy kind, David? And what reward, or advancement meeter for such treason, then hanging? And who carried the wise Achitophel to hanging, but his own foolish Ass? And who carried the desperate Absalon to hanging, but his own sober mute? What should I surcharge your memory with more histories attonce? He that remembreth the government of Balaams' Ass, Aesop's Ass, Lucian's Ass, Apuleius Ass, Machiavels' Ass, Agrippa's Ass; the Cumane Ass, the Rabbins Ass, Apollo's Ass, the seven Sages Ass, Silemas Ass, Priapus Ass, Achitophel's Ass, and Absalon's mule; little needeth any other Tutor, or Counsellor. Some would presume to allege the singular, and peerless example of the Christian Poet: 
Ille viam ostendit, vili qua vectus asello   
Rerum Opifex. Agrippa, Cardan, Trithemius, Erasmus, and divers other notable Scholars, affecting to show the variety of their reading, and the omnisufficiencie of their learning, have been boulder in quoting such reverend examples, upon as light, or lighter occasion: but humanity must not be too-sawcie with divinity: & enough is better than a Feast. Sweet Apuleius, when thou hast wiped thy mouth with thine own Asse-dung; and thine own Tongue hath said unto thy Pen, Pen thou art an Ass: then fellow-asses may shake hands, and they clapp their hands that have heard the Comedy of Adelphi, or the two Asses: a more notable Pageant, than the Interlude of the two Sosias, or the two Amphitryos, or the two Menaechmi, or the two Martin Guerras; or any such famous Pair of the true person, and the counterfeit. But Asses carry mysteries: and what a riddle is this? that the true man should be the counterfeit; and the false fellow the true Ass. Or what a Secret in Philosophy shall I reveal, as unto the sons of the Art: when I tell you, Ass' milk is restorative, good for the gout, for the bloody flux, for the clearness of the skin: Asses blood, good for the fever lurdane: Asses flesh sodden, good for the Leprosy: Asses liver roasted, good for the falling sickness: Asses hooves burned to ashes, good also for the same sickness, for the kings evil, for woomen labouring with a dead burden: Asses bones well-boiled, good against the empoisonment of the sea-hare: Asses stolen, good for the rains of the back, and a fine decorative to beautify the face by taking-of spots, and blemishes: Asses dung, a sweet nosegay to staunch blood, a sovereign sumigation to expel a dead birth out of the mothers womb, and a fair emplaster for a fowl mouth, as it might be for the mouth of Bawdry in rhyme, or of Blasphemy in prose. No Homerical Machaon, or Podalirius, comparable to the right Ass; that teacheth the greatest Empiriques, Spagiriques, Cabalists, Alchimistes, Magicians, and occult Philosophers, to wrap-up their profoundest, and unrevealable mysteries in the thickest skin, or rather in the closest entrails of an Ass. I would; some openmouth Libertines, and professed Atheists had as deeply learned that cunning lesson. Even the dead carcase of the Ass, engendereth the flying Scarab, or soaring Beetle, the noble and Unreconcilable feudist of the Eagle: of whom my brave adversary, the famousest dor-beetle of this age, hath learned to contemn, and deprave the two mounting Aegle of the heavenvly art of Poetry, Buchanan in Latin Verse, and Bartas in French meeter: Whose gross imperfections he hath also vowed to publish; with an irrefragable Confutation of Beza, and our floorishingest New-writers, aswell in divinity, as in humanity; only divine Aretine excepted. But no thunderblasing affrighteth, or toucheth the right Eagle: and the least feather of the right Eagle, can soon devour the bastard wings of other envious, and quarrellous birds. What carrion Ass was the Sire of this unappeasable Scarab; or what Scarab shallbe the son and heir of this carrion Ass; I leave it wholly to the discourse of the learned Aegle, that were ever molested with the buzzing fly, and shall ever be haunted with the braying Beast. I must spin-up my task. And because the wild-asse wanteth a picker-devant, let him drink his own Urine, tempered with Spicknard, as he carouseth Helicon; and according to the tradition of Vitalis de Furno, it will procure, and increase hair; as kindly, as the Artificial lineament of Doctor Levinus Lemnius for a comely Beard. And in case he feareth his fellow Green's sluttish disease, let him read the natural histories of the Ass, and the Sheep, in Aristotle, Pliny, or Gesner; and he shall find it one of their special Privileges, to be exempted from the arrest of the sixfooted Sergeant, a continual haunter of other hairy beasts, and only favourable to the good Ass, and the gentle Sheep. Or if haply he would be shod with a pair of everlasting shoes, like the talaria of Mercury, (for alas that any Gentleman of worth, or corrector of the Lord du Bartas, should lie in the Counter in his boots for want of shoes); Albertus, and Cardan will teach him to make incorruptible shoes of the durablest part of an asses hide, immortal leather. And o sweet Muses of Parnassus, are not the sweetest pipes, and pleasantest instruments made of Ass' bones? or do not the skilful Geographers, Strabo, and Pliny, call dainty Arcadia in Peloponesus, (the native country of the great Apollo) the Land of Asses? Was not the renowned Pan, the Politic Captain of the conquerous Bacchus, & a supposed God in the Painim world, an Arcadian Ass? Was not Prince Arcas, the brave son of king lupiter, after his death honoured with the glorious memorial of the Great Bear in heaven, an Arcadian Ass? Was not the Little Bear, his mother Calisto, an Arcadian Ass? Was not her father, the dread Tyrant, Lycaon, an Arcadian Fox, an Arcadian Wolf, an Arcadian Ass? Was not the mighty Atlas, the father of Maia, and grandfather of Mercury, an Arcadian Ass? was not Mercury himself, the mostnimble, and supereloquent God, an Arcadian Ass? Was not Astrophill, excellent Astrophill, (an other Mercury at all dexterities, and how delicious a Planet of heavenly harmony,) by his own adoption, an Arcadian Ass? Histories are no snudges in matters of note: and asses had never less cause to be ashamed of asses. When wise Apollo, when Valorous Pan, when employable Mercury, when surmounting Atlas, when the Great, and Little Bear of heaven, when excellent Astrophil, glory in the honourable title of Arcadian Asses, who would not coovet to be recoonted in that memorable Catalogue? What generous, or noble Antiquity, may wage comparison with Statius Arcadians,  
Astris, Lunaque priores. Sweetness itself was the daughter and darling of Arcadia: and Arcadia the mother, the nurse, the dug, the sweetheart of Sweetness itself. O the sugar-candy of the delicate bagpipe there: and o the liquorice of the divine dulcimers there. No marvel though his Music be sweeter, and sweeter, that is as fine an Asinus ad lyram, as the famous Disciple of the worthy Ammonius; and hath Green's mellifluous Arcadia at his finger's ends, the very funeral of the Countess of Pembroke's Arcadia. His other habiliments, and compliments be innumerable: and I know not an Ace, but hath some good quality, that is, some special property of an Ass, either profitable for commodity, or pleasurable for delight, as an Ass may be profitable, or pleasurable, either simply, or in some respect. It was not for nothing, that the bravest king, that ever reigned upon Earth, Alexander the Great, even greater, than any Mars, or jupiter, that ever brandished sceptre in the world; in his Royal and Valorous judgement preferred the Ass before the man, when being solemnly commanded by Oracle, to slay the first living Creature he should fortune to meet withal, if after his puissant, and conquerous manner he would that day obtain the Victory; he happened to meet a good honest Countryman, riding upon an Ass: whose present sacrifice, as a most acceptable Oblation, made him Victorious. Less marvel of the Archbishop's answer, in mensa Philosophica, and Pontans Dialogues, that having reverently, and devoutly Preached on Palm Sunday, of the She-Asse, whereupon Christ in humility vouchsafed to ride; and after his lowly Sermon mounting upon his losty palfry, was riding his way; somewhat fatherly and graciously stayed awhile, to hear the old woomans' suit, that came hastily running towards him, and boldly taking his horse by the bridle; now I beseech your Grace, quoth she, is this the She-Asse, whereupon Christio humility road? No, mother, quoth he, but a poor fool of that rich Ass, and I a humble servant of that high Lord. Good enough, quoth the woman, I knew not before, that the gentle She-asse your Grace Preached of, had such goodly fools: yes, mother, quoth the Bishop, and a great deal goodlier, than mine: and so departed, leavingbehind him an everlasting memory of thatdevout Sermon, and that weighty Communication with the woman, in honour of the Ass, a fruitful parent of many goodly, and pompous fools. I will not trouble Boccace, or Poggius for Tales. He was a natural fool, that would have giden his livery again unto his Lord, because it was embroidered with Ass' heads, which made a comely show upon his garment, and mought ful-well have beseemed some richer coats. Can the mill, the plough, the pack, the hamper, the paniar, the cloakebagge, the burden, the farthel, the bag and baggage, the ●…udgell, the goad, penury, famine, patience, labour itself speak; all other Apologies were superfluous: they would frame a substantial and necessary defence of the Ass; and Experience would declaim in commendation of his perpetual Exercise, travail, industry, Valour, temperance, sufferance, magnanimity, and constancy, the honourablest and invinciblest virtues in the world. The wisest economy maketh especial account of three singular members; a merchants ear; a pigs mouth; and an Ass' back. A short note, but worth all Tussers, or Cato's husbandry. Had I more experience in some cases, I could say more; & as my experience in those cases may happen to increase, or amount, I will not fail to tender my devoir. I have penned large Discourses in praise of study, meditation, conference, exercise, industry, vigilancy, & perseverance, the worthiest things in the circuit of the Earth, (nothing under heaven, equivalent to labour): and whatsoever I have addressed in their behalf, I may in sort all edge in honour of the Ass; and compile whole Volumes in his commendation, more available for commodity, and more necessary for Use, than the works of some great Commenters in humanity, Philosophy, history, and other higher Professions. He that can kindly play the right Ass, in ignorance will find knowledge, in poverty wealth, in displeasure favour, in jeopardy security, in bondage freedom, in war peace, in misery felicity. Who so thoroughly provided for both fortunes, as he: or who so strongly armed against all casualties, as he●… or what Seneca, Epictetus, Boetius, Petrarch, or Cardan, so effectual a Schoolmaster of Sustine, et Abstine, as he●… or who such an Oeconomer to live, as he: or who such a Philosopher to die, as he●… or what Physician for the body, like him: or what Lawyer for the substance, like him: or what Divine for the mind, like him? or where such a Practitioner of Virtue, as he: or where such a Fortune-wright, as he? or finally where such an apt subject for the Civil, and moral reformation of the Prudent Augustus, the good trajan, the gentle Marcus Antoninus, the virtuous Alexander Severus, the dread Septimius Severus, or any honourable Prince, or Politic Tyrant, that with a reverend authority, would establish Virtuous, and awful orders of government in his dominions?  
But what an Ass am I, that proceed so coldly, and dully in the Apology of so worthy a Creature? What will you say, Gentlemen, if I can prove with pregnant arguments, artificially drawn from all the places of Invention, according to Ramus, Rodolphes, or Aristotle's Logic; that the fire-breathing Oxen, and mighty Dragon, which kept the most-famous Golden Fleece, the glorious prize of brave jason, were Asses of Colchos: that the watchful, and dreadful Dragon, which kept the goodly Golden Apples, in the Occidental islands of the Ocean, called Hesperides, one of the renowned prizes of doughty Hercules, was a West-Indian Ass: that the golden-horned, and brasen-footed Menalian heart, the fierce Erymanthean Boar, the hideous birds Stymphalides, the puissant Nemaean Lion, and the seven-hedded Lernaean Hydra, which Hercules slew, were Asses of Arcadia, and other adjacent countries of Morea: (for Maenalus, and Erymanthus were hills in Arcadia, Stymphalus a lake in Arcadia, Nemaea a wood in Argolis, and Lerna a fen in Argolis, an other shire of Morea): that the Serpent with the golden crest, which kept the rich fountain of Mars in Greece, and was slain of valiant Cadmus, was an Ass of Boëtia, so called à 'bove, where the Prophet Amphiaraus breathed Oracles: that the huge Serpent, Python de monte, engendered shortly after Deucalion's deluge, which the Arcadian god of Wisdom killed with his arrows, the first founders of the Pythian Games, was a mighty Ass of the mountains: that the mounting Eagle, into which king jupiter turned, not himself, but Ganymedes, (whom he took with him, as his flying Page, and used as his standing cupbearer) was a faithful servant, and a perpetual Ass: that the hondredeyed Argus, whom Queen juno appointed the keeper of Io, the fairest creature of the Arcadian herd, and whom Mercury jullabyed asleep with a sweet Syrinx, or Arcadian Pipe, (many Stratagems, and mysteries in that Arcadian Pipe) was a blind Ass of Arcadia: I skip a thousand memorable Histories; that all they, by whatsoever noble, or glorious names entitled, that having charge of greatest importance, and inestimable Value, committed to their vigilant and jealous custody, did attonce forego their treasure, their honour, and their life (as many great personages for want of circumspection have done) were notorious Arch-asses. If I cannot substantially prove all this, and for a need evict by necessary, and immediate demonstration, that the great world is a great Ass, aswell actu, as Potentia; and the Microcosm, a little Ass, aswell habitu, as affectione; say I am a notable Ass, aswell re, as nomine. The Philosopher, that seeking-about with a candle at high noon, could not find a Man in a populous market; without a candle would soon have pointed at a fair of Asses; and could quickly have discoovered a fruitful generation in every element, in the water, on the Earth, about the fire, in the Air. And the wiseman, that said without exception, Stultorum plena sunt omnia; might easily have been entreated, to have set it down for a sovereign Maxim, or general rule; Asinorum plena sunt omnia. The thundering Orator Demosthenes, was not afraid to taunt Minerva, the armed Goddess of fine Athens, for exhibiting favour to three unreasonable beasts, the Owl, the Dragon, and the People: counting the People the most importunate and intolerable beast of the three, by whose appointment he was banished the dainty City, the only seat of his reigning Eloquence. If the people of fine Athens, were such a barbarous and senseless brute, as their excellentest Orators, Philosophers, Captains, counsellors, and Magistrates found to their cost: and if the people of brave Room, the Lady, and Empress of the world, were such a bellowing beast of many heads, as Horace called it, Tully proved it, Scipio felt it, and Caesar himself rued it; what may be said of other people? Flourishing Greece in many hundred years acknowledged but seven wisemen of special note; as the ancient world acknowledged but seven miracles, or magnifical spectacles worth the seeing: & Callimachus a sweet Poet, recording the memorable, and wonderful things of Peloponesus, termed them Paradoxes. Vortuous Italy in a longer term of dominion, with much ado bred two Catoes, and One Regulus: but how many Syluios, Porcios, Brutos, Bestias, Tauros, Vitellios', Capras, Capellas, Asinios, and so forth? Other singularities, meet matter for Tullyes' Paradoxes. The world was never given to singularities: and no such monster, as Excellency. He that speaketh, as other use to speak, avoideth trouble: and he that doth, as most men do, shallbe least wondered at. The Ox, and the Ass, are good fellows: the Libbard, and the Fox, quaint wizards: whatsoever above the common capacity, or usual ability, a Paradox. I will not bethink miselfe of the rigorous sentences of Stoical Philosophers, or the biting Apothegs' of seditious Malcontents, or the angry sayings of froward Saturnistes, or the tumultuous proverbs of mutinous, people: (I have small affection to the reasons, that are drawn from affection): but were not the world, an Universal Ox, and man a general Ass, how were it possible, that so many counterfeit slights, crafty conveyances, subtle Sophistications, wily cozenages, cunning impostures, and deep hypocrisies should overflow all: so many opinions, Paradoxes, sects, schisms, heresies, apostasies, idolatrics, Atheisms should pester the Church: so many frauds, shifts, collusions, coovens, falsifications, subornations, treacheries, treasons, factions, commotions, rebellions should disturb the Commonwealth? It is a world to consider, what a world of Follies, and Villainies possesseth the world: only because the world is a world, id est, an Ass. And would the Press suffer this scribbling Ass to domineer in Print, if it were not a Press, id est, an Ass? Might it please his confuting Aship, by his favourable permission to suffer One to rest quiet; he might with my good leave be the grand General of Asses, or reign alone in his proper dominion, like the mighty Assyrian king, even Phul Assar himself, the famous son of the renowned Phul Bullochus. For so the Gentlewooman hath entitled him in a place, or two, that hath vowed the Canonization of Nashes S. Fame, in certain Discourses of regard, already dispatched to my satisfaction, & almost accomplished to her own intention. It may peradventure be his fortune, to leave as glorious a nephew behind him, as ever was the redoubted Lob-assar-duck, an other noble king of Assyria; not forgotten by the said excellent Gentlewoman, but remembered with such a grace, as beautifieth divine wits. Kind-hart hath already offered fair for it: & were it not that the great Phul Assur himself had forestalled and engrossed all the commodities of Assyria, with the whole Encomium of Asses, into one hand; it should have gone very-hard, but this redoubted Lob-assar-duck would have retailed, and regretted some precious part of the said commodities, and advauncements. He may haply in time by especial favour, and approved desert, (what means of preferment, to especial favour, and approved desert?) be entertained, as a chapman of choice, or employed as a factor of trust; and have some stables of Asses at his appointment, as may seem meetest for his carriages, and conveyances. For mine own part, I must be contented to remain at his devotion, that hath the whole generation of Assyrians at commandment; with a certain personal privilege, or rather an Imperial Prerogative, to create and install Asses at pleasure. Had I not lately revisited the Assyrian History, with the said virtuous Gentlewooman, one of the gallantest ornaments of her sex; I mought perchance have omitted this small parcel of his great honour, and left the commendation of the Ass more unperfect: which notwithstanding I must still leave most-unperfect, in respect of his unspeakable beau-desert. Unto whom for a farewell, I can wish no more, than accomplished honour; nor no less, then athletical health. A short exhortation, will serve Socrates, to continue like himself. A roach not sounder, than a haddock, or the stockfish, that Plinytermeth Asellus: & nothing so unkindly hurteth an Ass, as the two melancholy beasts, cold, and the drowsy sickness; the cause, why Asses cannot abide to inhabit the most-cold, & frozen territories of Scythia; but are glad to seek their fortunes in other countries, & to colonise in warmer seats. Blame him not, that saith; The weather is cold, and I am weary with confuting: & in another place; Had I my health, now I had leisure to be merry: for I have almost washed my hands of the Doctor. Now I see thou art a good fellow by thine own confession, & 〈◊〉 not give the Ass' head for the washing: Cold, & the drowsy sickness, are thy two mortal enemies: when they are fled the Country, like fugitive, and dismal birds, 〈◊〉 us have a flitch of mirth, with a fiddle of the purest Asse-bone: only I bar the Cheekebone, for fear of Sampsons' tune, more than heroical. But the spring-tooth in the jaw, will do us no horme, although it were a fountain of Muscadel, or a conduct of Ypocrase. Many are the miracles of right Virtue: and he 〈◊〉 an infinite Labyrinth, that goeth-about to praise Hercules, or the Ass: whose Labours exceed the Labours of Hercules, and whose glory surmounteth the top of Olympus. I were best to end, before I begin; and to leave the Author of Asses, where I found the Ass of Autors. When I am better furnished with competent provision, (what provision sufficient for so mighty a Province?) I may haply assay to fulfil the Proverb, by washing the Ass' headd, and setting the crown of highest praise upon the crown of young Apuleius, the heir apparent of the old Ass, the most glorious Old Ass.  
I have written in all sorts of humours priu●…tly I am persuaded, more than any young man of my age in England. They be the words of his own honourable mouth: and the golden Ass, in the superabundance of his rich humours promiseth many other golden mountains; but hath nevera scrat of silver. Had Aristophanes Plutus been outwardly as libe liberal, as Green's Mercury was inwardly prodigal, he must needs have been the only Oriental Star of this Language: and all other writers, old, or new, in prose, or verse, in one humour or other, but sorry Occidental St●…rres. C●…nely external defects, queth himself, are cast in his dish: for internal graces, and excellentest perfections of an accomplished mind, who but he? Come divine Poets, and sweet Orators, the silver streaming fountains of flowingest wit, and shiningest Art: come Chawcer, and Spencer; More, and Cheek; Ascham, and Astely; Sidney, and Dier; come the dearest sister of the dearest brother, the sweetest daughter of the sweetest Muses, only One excepted, the brightest Diamant of the richest Eloquence, only One excepted, the resplendentest mirror of Feminine valour, only One excepted; the Gentlewooman of Courtesy, the Lady of Virtue, the Countess of Excellency, and the Madam of immortal Honour: come all the daintiest dainties of this tongue, and do homage to your Vertical Star; that hath all the sovereign influences of the eloquent, and learned Constellations at a beck, and Paradiseth the Earth with the ambrosial dews of his incomprehensible wit. But what should I dally with hoony-bees; or presume upon the Patience of the gentlest Spirits, that English Humanity affourdeth? Pardon me Excellent minds: and I will here dismiss my po●…re milkemaide, nothing appliant to the delicate humour of this minion Humorist, and Courtesan Secretary. Shall I say? Phy upon arrant knavery, that hath never sucked his fill of most-odious Malice: or, Out-upon scu●…rilous, & obscene Villainy, nuzzled in the bosom of filthiest filth, and hugged in the arms of the abominablest hags of Hell. Be it nothing to have railed upon Doctors of the University, or upon Lords of the Court, (whom he abuseth most-infamously, & abiecteth as contemptuously, as me): but what otherdesperate varlet of the world, durst so villain: usly have defamed London, & the Court, as he notoriously hath 〈◊〉 these raseall terms? Tell me, is there 〈◊〉 place so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is Lady London? not a wench sooner creeps out of the shell, but she is of the Religion. The Court I dare not touch, but surly there be many falling Stars, and but one true Diana. Not a wench, a very Universal Proposition, in so large, and honourable a City: and but One, a very short Exception to a general rule of the Court. Flourishing London, the Staple of Wealth, & Madame-towne of the Realm, is there no place so lewd, as thyself? and Noble Court, the Palace of Honour, and Seat of Majesty, hast thou but One true Diana? Is it not nigh-hand time, the young haddock were caught, that can already nibble so prettily? Was he, think you, lodged in Cappadocia, for sleeping by the Sun, and studying by the Moon? Whom, or what, will not he shortly confute with an overrunning fury, that so bravely adventureth upon London, and the Court, all-attonce? Honour, regard thy good reputation; and staunch the rank blood of this arrant Author; as honest a man, as some honest woman I could name, that keepeth her honesty, as she doth her Friday fast. Suffer him to proceed, as he presumeth, & to end, as he beginneth: and look for a rarer beast in England, than a Wolf; and a stranger monster in Print, than the divine Ruffian, that entitled himself, Flagellum Principum, and proved Pestis Rerumpublicarum. My Tongue is an infant in his Idiotism; and I had rather bless my pestilentest enemy, then curse any: but some little plain dealing dooith not otherwhiles amiss, where nothing but flat, and rank grossness blotteth the paper, infecteth the air, depraveth the good, encourageth the bad, corrupteth youth, accloieth age, and annoyeth the world. Good faith is my witness, I neither affect to obscure any light in an adversary; nor desire to quench any honest courage in an enemy; but wish every gift of heaven, or earth, of mind, or body, of nature, or fortune, redoubled in both, even in the greenest adversary, and wildest enemy: in whom I honour the highest, and love the lowest degree of excellency; but am not easily coosened by Imperfection, branded with the counterfeit mark of perfection. I am over-ready to pardon young oversights, and forgive inconsiderate offences: but cannot flatter Folly, or fawn upon Vanity, or cocker Ignorance, or sooth-up Untruth, or applaud to Arrogancy, either in foe, or friend. It concerneth every man to look into his own estate with his own eyes: but the young man, that will neither know himself, nor acknowledge other, must be told in brief, what the common opinion reporteth at large. He hath little wit: less learning: lest judgement: no discretion: Vanity enough: stomach at will: superabundance of self-conceit: outward liking to few, inward affection to none: (his defence of green, a more b●…ting condemnation, than my reproof): no reverence to his patrons: no respect to his superiors: no regard to any, but in contemptuous, or censorius sort: hatred, or disdain to the rest: continual quarrels with one, or other: (not such an other mutterer, or murmurer, even against his familiarest acquaintance): an ever-grudging, & repining mind: a ravenous throat: a gluttonous maw: a drunken head: a blasphemous tongue: a fisking wit: a shuttle nature: a revolting, and rennegate disposition: a broking, and huckstering pen: store of rascal phrases: some little of a brabbling Scholar: more of a raving scold: most of a roisterly s●…uing: nothing of a Gentleman: less than nothing of a fine, or cleanly Artist. And as for terms of honesty, or civility, (without which the sharpest Invention is unsavoury, and the daintiest elocution loathsome); they be Gibridge unto him; and he a jewish Rabbin, or a Latin Dunce with him, that useth any such form of monstrous terms. Aretine, and the devils Orator, would be ashamed to be convicted, or endighted of the least respective, or ceremonious phrase, but in mockage, or coofenage. They neither fear Goodman Satan, nor master Beelzebub, nor Sir Reverence, nor milord Government himself: o wretched Atheism, Hell but a scarecrow, and Heaven but a woonderclout in their doctrine: all vulgar, stolen, and simple, that is not a note above Goddes-forbid. Whom durst not he appeach, revile, or blaspheme, that forged the abominablest book in the world, De tribus impostoribus mundi: and whom will he forbear, in any reason, or conscience, that hath often protested in his familiar haunts, to confute the worthy Lord du Bartas, and all the famousest moderne-writers, saving him only, who only meriteth to be confuted with unquenchable Volumes of Heaven-and Hell-fier. Perionius deciphreth the fowl precepts, and reprobate examples of his Moral Philosophy, in an invective Declamation, generally addressed unto all the Princes of Christendom, but especially directed unto the most-Christian French king, Henry the Second. Agrippa detesteth his monstrous veneries, and execrable Sodomies. Cardan blasoneth him the most-impudent Ribald, that ever took pen in hand. Manutius investeth him the Ring leader of the corruptest bawds, and miscreantest rakehells in Italy. His familiar acquaintance, Sansovino, doth him never awhitt more credit, then needeth. Tasso disdaineth his insolent and insupportable affectation of singularity. iovius in his Eulogies voutsaveth him not the naming. Doubtless he was endued with an exceedingodd wit: and I never read a more surpassing-hyperbolicall style. Castilios Courtier after a pleasurable sort, graceth him with a deep insight in the highest Types, and Idees of human perfections, whereunto he most curiously, and insatiably aspired. His wanton disciples, or Vain-conceited favourites, (such crows, such eggs) in their fantastical Letters, and Bacchanal Sonnets, extol him monstrously, that is, absurdly: as the only Monarch of wit, that is, the Prodigal son of conceit; and the mortal God of all Virtue, that is, the immortal Devil of all Vice. Oh, what grandiloquous Epithits, and supereminent Titles of incredible and prodigious excellency, have they bestowed upon the Arch-miracle of the world, signor unico? not so little as the huge Gargantua of prose, and more than the heaven-surmounting Babel of Rhyme. But what approved man of learning, wisdom, or judgement, ever deigned him any honour of importance, or commendation of note: but the young darling of S. Fame, Thomas Nash, alias Pierce penniless, the second Leviathan of Prose, and an other Behemoth of rhyme? He it is, that is borne, to glorify Aretine, to disgrace Bartas, and to undo me. Say I, writ I, or do I, what I can, he will haunt, and trounce me perpetually, with spritish works of Supererogation, incessant tormentors of the Civilian, and Divine. Yet someboddy was not wont to endight upon aspen leaves of paper: and take heed Sirrah, of the Fatal Quill, that scorneth the sting of the busy Bee, or the scratch or the kittish shrew. A Bee? a drone, a dorre, a dor-bettle, a dormouse. A shrew? a drab, a hag, a flibber-gibbet, a makebate, the pickthank of Vanity, the pickpocket of foolery, the pickpurse of all the palteries, and knaveries in Print. She doth him no wrong, that doth him right, like Astraea, and hath styled him with an immortal pen; the Bawewawe of Scholars, the Tutt of Gentlemen, the Tee-heegh of Gentlewomen, the Phy of Citizens, the Blurt of Courtiers, the Poogh of good Letters, the Faph of good manners, & the whoop-hooe of good boys in London streets. Nash, Nash, Nash, (quoth a lover of truth, and honesty) vain Nash, railing Nash, craking Nash, bibbing Nash, baggage Nash, swaddish Nash, rogish Nash, Nash the bellweather of the scribbling flock, the swishswash of the press, the bum of Impudence, the shambles of beastliness, the poulkat of Pouls-churchyard, the shrich-owle of London, the toadestoole of the Realm, the scorning-stocke of the world, & the horrible Confuter of four Letters. Such an Antagonist hath Fortune allotted me, to purge melancholy, and to thrust me upon the Stage: which I must now load, like the old subject of my new praise. There is no warring with Destiny: and the Lord of my leisure will have it so. Much good may it do the puppy of S. Fame, so to confute, and so to be confuted. Where his intelligence faileth, (as God wotteth, it faileth often) he will be so bold, without more inquiry, to check the common sense of Reason, with the proper sense of his Imagination, infinitely more high in conceit, then deep in understanding: and where any phrase, or word presumeth to approach within his swing, that was not before enrolled in the Common-places of his paperbooke, it is presently mere Inkhornisme: albeit he might have heard the same from a thousand mouths of judgement, or read it in more than an hundred writings of estimation. Pythagoras' Silence was wont to be a rule for Ignorance, or Immaturity: (no better bit for unlearned, or unexpert youth, than Pythagoras' Silence:) but Understand, or not Understand, both are one: if he understand, it is Dunsery: if he understand not, it is either Cabalism in matter, or Inkhornisme in form: whether he be ripe, or unripe, all is raw, or rotten, that pleaseth not his Imperial taste. Had he ever studied any Pragmatical Discourse; or perused any Treaties of Confederacy, of peace, of truce, of intercourse, of other foreign negotations (that is specially noted for one of my Inkhorn words); or researched any acts, and monuments, Civil, or Ecclesiastical; or looked into any Laws, Statutes, Injunctions, Proclamations, (na, it is one of his witty flouts, He begins, like a Proclamation: but few Treatises better penned, than some Proclamations): or had he seen any authentical instruments, Pragmatique articles, or other Politic Traicts: he would rather have wondered I should Use so few formal terms, (which I purposely avoided, as not so vulgarly familiar) then have marveled at any, which I used. He is of no reading in comparison, that doth not acknowledge every term in those Letters to be authentical English; and allow a thousand other ordinary Pragmatical terms, more strange than the strangest in those Letters, yet current at occasion. The ignorant Idiot (for so I will prove him in very truth) confuteth the artificial words, which he never read: but the vain fellow (for so he proveth himself in word, and deed) in a fantastical emulation presumeth to forge a misshapen rabblement of absurd, and ridiculous words, the proper bodges of his new-fangled figure, called Foolerisme: such as Inkhornisme, Absonisme, the most copious Carminist, thy carminical art, a Providitore of young Scholars, a Corrigidore of incongruity, a quest of Cavalieroes, Inamoratos on their works, a Theological Gimpanado, a Dromidote Ergonist, sacrilegiously contaminated, decrepit capacity, fiactionate person, humour 〈◊〉, merriments unexilable, the horrisonant pipe of inveterate antiquity; and a number of such Inkhornish phrases, as it were a pan of outlandish collops, the very bowels of his profoundest Schollerisme. For his Eloquence passeth my intelligence, that cleapeth himself a Calimunco, for pleading his Companions cause in his own Apology: and me a Pistlepragmos, for defending my friends in my Letters: and very artificially interfuseth Finicallitie, sillogistrie, disputative right, hermaphrodite phrases, declamatory styles, censoriall moralisers, unlineall usurpers of judgement, infamizers of vice, new infringement to destitute the indictment, deriding dunstically, banging abominationly, unhandsoming of divinityship, absurdifying of phrases, ratifying of truthable and eligible English, a calm dilatement of forward harmfulness, and backward irefulness, and how many sundry dishes of such dainty fritters? rare junkets, and a delicate service for him, that compiled the most delicious Commentaries, De optimitate triparum. And what say you Boys, the flatteringest hope of your mothers, to a Porch of Panim Pilfryes, Pestered with Praises? Dare the pertest, or deftest of you, hunt the letter, or hawk a metaphor, with such a Tite-tute-tate? He weeneth himself a special penman; as he were the headman of the Panfletting crew, next, and immediately after green: and although he be a harsh Orator with his tongue, (even the filled Suada of Isocrates, wanted the voice of a Siren, or the sound of an Echo) yet would he seem as fine a Secretary with his pen, as ever was Bembus in Latin, or Macchiavell in Italian, or Guevara in Spanish, or Amiot in French: and with a confidence presseth into the rout of that humorous rank, that affecteth the reputation of supreme Singularity. But he must crave a little more acquaintance at the hand of Art, and serve an apprentishood of some nine, or ten years in the shop of curious Imitation (for his wild Fantasy will not be allowed to maintain comparison with curious Imitation) before he will be able to perform the twentieth, or fortieth part of that sufficiency, whereunto the cranknesse of his Imagination already aspireth; as more exquisite, than the Atticisme of Isocrates, or more puissant than the fury of Tasso. But how insolently soever gross Ignorance presumeth of itself, (none so haughty, as the bafest Buzzard): or how desperately soever foolhardy Ambition advanceth his own colours, (none so foolhardy, as the blindest Hobb): I have seldom read a more garish, and pibald style in any scribbling Inkhornist; or tasted a more unsavoury slaumpaump of words, and sentences in any sluttish Pamfletter; that denounceth not defiance against the rules of Oratory, and the directions of the English Secretary. Which may here, and there stumble upon some tolerable sentence, neighbourly borrowed, or featly picked out of some fresh Pamflet: but shall never find three sentences together, worth any allowance: and as for a fine, or neat period, in the dainty and pithy vain of Isocrates, or Xenophon, marry that were a periwig of a Siren, or a wing of the very bird of Arabia, an inestimable relic. Tush a point, neither curious Hermogenes, nor trim Isocrates, nor stately Demosthenes, are for his tooth: nor painting Tully, nor carving Caesar, nor purple-dying Livy, for his humour. It is for Cheek, or Ascham, to stand leveling of Colons, or squaring of Periods, by measure, and number: his pe●…ne is like a spigot; and the Winepress a dullard to his Ink-presse. There is a certain lively, a●…d frisking thing, of a quaint, and capricious nature, as peerless as nameless, and as admirable, as singular, that scorneth to be a booke-woorme, or to imitate the excellentest artificiality of the most renowned worke-masters, that antiquity affourdeth. The wit of this, & that odd Modernist, is their own: & no such mineral of richest Art, as pregnant Nature; the plentifullest womb of rare Invention, and exquisite Elocution. Whuist Art: and Nature advance thy precious Self in thy most gorgeous, and magnificent robes: and if thy new descant be so many notes above old Aela, Good-now be no niggard of thy sweet accents, & heavenly harmony; but teach the antic muses, their right Lirripoop. Desolate Eloquence, and forlorn Poetry, thy most-humble Suppliants in forma pauperum, clad in mournful and dreary weeds, as becometh their lamentable case, 〈◊〉 prostrate at thy dainty foot, and adore the Idoll-excellency of thy monstrous Singularity. O stately Homer, and lofty Pindarus, whose wit mounteth like Pegasus; whose verse streameth like Nilus; whose Invention flameth like Aetna, whose Elocution, rageth like Sirius; whose passion blustereth like Boreas, whose reason breatheth like Zephyrus; whose nature savoureth like Tempe, and whose Art perfumeth like Paradise: o the mightiest Spirits of courageous Vigour, of whom the delicate Grecian, worthy Roman, and gallant Vulgar Muses learned their shrillest tunes, and hyperbolical notes: o the fiercest trumpets of heroical Valour, that with the strange Sympathy of your divine Fury, and with thossame piercing motions of heavenly inspiration, were wont to ravish the affections, and even to mealt the bowels of bravest minds: see, see what a wondrous quaime— But peace milkemaide: you will still be shaming yourself, and your bringing-upp. Hadst thou learned to discern the fairest face of Eloquence, from the foulest visage of Barbarism; or the goodliest frame of Method from the ill-favoredest shape of Confusion: as thou canst descry the finest flower from the coarsest bran, or the sweetest cream from the sourest whey: peradventure thou wouldst dote indeed upon the beautiful and dainty feature of that natural style, that appropriate style, upon which himself is so deeply enamoured. I would it were out of peradventure: no man more greedy, to behold that miraculous Art of emprooved Nature. He may malapertly brag in the vain ostentation of his own natural conceit; and if it please him, make a Golden Calf of his wooden stuff: but show me any half page without piperly phrases, and tinkerly composition: and say I am the simplest Artist, that ever looked fair Rhetoric, or sweet Poetry in the face. It is the destiny of our language, to be pestered with a rabblement of butchers in Print: but what a shameful shame is it for him, that maketh an Idol of his own pen, and raiseth-upp an huge expectation of paper-miracles, (as if Hermes Trismegist were newly risen from the dead, and personally mounted upon Danters' Press), to emproove himself as rank a bungler in his mightiest work of Supererogation, as the starkest Patch-panel of them all, or the grossest hammer-drudge in a country. He disdaineth Thomas Delone, Philip Stubs, Robert Armin, and the common Pamfletters of London, even the painfullest Chroniclers too; because they stand in his way, hinder his scribbling traffic, obscure his resplendishing Fame, or have not Chronicled him in their Catalogues of the renowned modern authors, as he meritoriously meriteth, and may peradventure be remembered hereafter. But may not Thomas Delone, Philip Stubs, Robert Armin, and the rest of those misused persons, more disdainfully disdain him; because he is so much vainer, so little learneder, so nothing eleganter, than they; and they so much honester, so little obscurer, so nothing contemptibler, than he? Surely Thomas, it were policy, to boast less with Thomas Delone, or to achieve more with Thomas More. If Vaunting, or craking may make thee singular, thy Art is incomparable, thy Wit superexcellent, thy Learning omnisufficient, thy memory infinite, thy dexterity incomprehensible, thy force horrible, thy other gifts more than admirable: but when thou hast gloried thy uttermost, and struggled with might, and 〈◊〉, to seem the Great Turk of Secretaries; if my eyesight be any thing in the Art of endighting, (wherein it hath pleased favour, to repute me something), upon my credit for ever, thou hast nothing in thee of valour, but a railing Gall, and a swelling Bladder. For thy pen is as very a Gentleman Foist, as any pickpurse living: and, that which is most-miserable, not a more famous neckverse, than thy choice; to thiselfe pernicious, to youth dangerous, to thy friends grievous, to thy adveriaries pitiful, to Virtue odious, to learning ignominious, to humanity noyous, to divinity intolerable, to authority punishable, to the world contemptible. I longed to see thy best amendment, or worst avengement: but thy gay best, ut supra, proveth nothing; and thy main worst, ut insra, less than nothing. Never silly man's expectation so deluded with contrary events upon the Stage, (yet Fortune sometime is a quaint Comedian, far beyond the Supposes of Ariosto) as these Strange News have coony-caught my conjecture; more deceived, than my Prognostication of the last year, which happened to be a true Prophet of some dismal Contingents. Though I never fancied Tautologies, yet I cannot repeat it enough: I looked for a treaty of pacification: or imagined thou wouldst arm thy quill, like a stout champion, with the complete harness of Wit, and Art: na, I feared the brazen shield, and the brazen boots of Goliath, and that same hideous spear, like a weavers beam: but it is only thy fell stomach, that blustereth like a Northerens wind: alas, thy wit is as tame, as a duck; thy art as fresh, as sour ale in summer; thy brazen shield in thy forehead; thy brazen boots in thy heart; thy weavers beam in thy tongue; a more terrible lance, than the hideous spear, were the most of thy Power equivalent to the least of thy Spite. I say not; what aileth thy Gorgon's head? or what is become of thy Sampsons' locks? (yet where miracles were promised, and achievements of Supererogation threatened, they had reason, that dreaded unknown forces): but o blasts of divine Fury, where is your supernatural prowess? and o horn of abundance, what meaneth this dearth of plenty, this penury of superfluity, this infancy of eloquence, this simplicity of cunning, this stupidity of nimbleness, this obscurity of bravery, this nullity of omnisufficiency? Was Pegasus ever a cow in a cage, or Mercury a mouse in a cheese, or Industry a snail in a shell, or Dexterity a dog in a d●…blet, or legierdemane a sloweworme, or Vivacity a lasie-bones, or Entelechy a slugplum? Can lively, and winged spirits suppress the divinity of their ethereal, and Seraphical nature? Can the thunder toungue-tye, or the lightning smother, or the tempest calm, or love quench, or Zeal lukewarm, or valour manicle, or excellency mew-upp, or perfection geld, or supererogation combe-cutt itself? Is it not impossible, for Humanity to be a spittle-man, Rhetoric a dummerell, Poetry a tumbler, History a bankrupt, Philosophy a broker, wit a cripple, courage a jade? How could the sweet Mermaids, or dainty Nymphs find in their tender hearts, to be so far divorced from their queintest, and galiardest minion? Art, take heed of an aeger appetite, if a little greedy devouring of singularity will so soon get the hicket, and make thee (as it were) belch the sloovens' Oratory, and (as a man would say) parbreak the sluttes Poetry. Pure Singularity wrong not thy arch-excellent Self, but embrace him with both thy arms, that huggeth thee with his five wits; and cowll him with thy two coral bracelets, that busseth thee with his two ruby lips, and his three diamant powers, natural, animal, and vital. Precious Singularity how canst thou choose but dote upon his alabaster neck, whose inventive part can be no less, than a sky-co●…loured Sapphire, like the heavenly devices of the delicious Poetess Sapph, the godmoother of that azure gem; whose Rhetorical figures, sanguine and resplendishing Carbuncles, like the flamy Pyrops of the glistering Palace of the Sun; whose alluring persuasions, Amethists; whose cutting girds, adamants; whose conquering Ergos, loadestones; whose whole conceit as green, as the greenest jasper; whose Orient wit, the renowned achates of king Pyrrhus, that is, the tabernacle or chancel of the Muses, Apollo sitting in the midst, and playing upon his ivory harp most enchauntingly. Is it possible, those powerful words of antiquity, whose mighty influence was wont to debase the miraculous operation of the most-vertuous stones, herbs, and stars (Philosophy knoweth the incredible force of stones, herbs, & stars) should be to seek in a panting inspired breast, the closet of revealed mysteries, and garden of infused graces? What locks, or bars of Iron, can hold that quicksilver Mercury, whose nimble vigour disdaineth the prison, and will display itself in his likeness, maugre whatsoever impeachment of iron Vulcan, or wooden Daedalus? I hoped to find, that I lusted to see, the very singular subject of that invincible & omnipotent Eloquence, that in the worthiest age of the world, entitled heroical, put the most-barbarous tyranny of men, and the most-savage wildness of beasts, to silence; and arreared wonderful admiration in the hartroote of obstinatest Rebellion, otherwise how untractable? Had I not cause to platform new Theorickes, and Idees of monstrous excellency, when the parturient mountain of miracles, was to be delivered of his mighty burden of Supererogation? Who would not ride post, to behold the chariot of his Triumph, that glorieth, as if he had won both the indies from the Spaniard; or Constantinople from the Turk; or Babylon from the Sophi? But holla brave Gentlemen, and alack sweet Gentlewoomen, that would so fain behold S. Fame in the pomp of her majesty; never poor suckling hope so incredibly crosbitten with more than excessive defection. I looked, and looked for a shining Sun of Singularity, that should amaze the eyes, and astonish the hearts of the beholders: but never poor shimering Sun of Singularity, so horribly eclipsed. I perceive, one good honest acre of performance, may be more worth, than a whole land of Promise. Take heed aspiring minds, you that deem yourselves the Paragon wits of the world; less your hills of jollity be converted into dales of obscurity; and the pomp of your glory, become like this pump of shame. Even when Envy boiled his ink; Malice scorched his pen; pride parched his paper, Fury inflamed his heart; S. Fame raged, like S. George's Dragon: mark the Conclusion: the weather was cold; his style frostbitten; and his wit nipped in the head. Take away the flaunting and huffing braveries of his railing tropes, and craking figures: and you see the whole galiarde of his Rhetoric, that flouteth the poor Philippiques of Tully, and Demosthenes: and mocketh him, that chanced to name them once in four Letters; as he used their word Entelechy, now a vulgar French, and English word, once in four, and twenty Sonnets. The wise Priest could not tell, whither Epiphany were a man-saint, or a wooman-saint, or what the devil it was. Such an Epiphany to this learned man is Entelechy; the only quintessence of excellent, and divine minds, as is above mentioned; showing whence they came by their heavenvly and perpetual motion. What other word could express that noble and vigorous motion, quicker than quicksilver; and the lively spring, or rather the Vestal fire of that ever-stirring Virtue of Caesar, Nescia stare loco: a mystery, and a very Chimaera to this swadd of swaddes, that beginneth like a Bullbeare, goeth-on like a bullock, endeth like a bulfinch, and hath never a sparkle of pure Entelechy. Gentlemen, now you know the good nature, and handsome Art of the man; if you happen upon a feather, or some morsel for your liking, (it is a very sorry Book, that yieldeth nothing for your liking) thank the true Author, of whose provision you have tasted; and say not but Thomas Nash hath read something, that affecting to seem an University of sciences, and a Royal Exchange of tongues, would be thought to have devoured Libraries, and to know all things, like jarchas, and Syfarion, na, like Adam, and Solomon, the archpatrons of our new Omniscians'. If he did so in verity, it were the better for him, and not the worse for me: but you see his doing, and my suffering. Neither I, nor my betters can please all: nor he, nor his Punies will displease all: but as in the best something remaineth, that may be amended, without derogation to their credit; so in the worst there may appear something, worth the allowance, with no great commendation to their person. Were I disposed to discourse, as sometime I have been forward upon less occasion, for the only exercise of my style, and some practice of my reading; I could with a facility declare at-large, that may briefly be rouched. Amongst so many notable works of divine wits, excepting the works of Gods own finger; there is not any so absolutely excellent, wherein some blemish of imperfection may not be noted: n●…ramongst amongst so many contemptible Pamflets, any so simply base, but may yield some little fruit of advertisement, or some few blossoms of discourse. In the sovereign workmanship of Nature herself, what garden of flowers without weeds? what orchard of trees without worms? what field of Corn without cockle? what pond of fishes without frogs? what sky of light without darkness? what mirror of knowledge without ignorance? what man of Earth, without frailty? what commodity of the world without discommodity? Oh! what an honourable, and wonderful Creature were Perfection, were there any such visible Creature under heaven? But pure Excellncy dwelleth only above; and what mortal wised me can accleere itself from error? or what heroical virtue can justify, I have no vice? The most precious things under the Sun, have their defaults: and the vilest things upon Earth, want not their graces. Virgil could enrich himself with the rubbish of ●…nnius: to how many rusty-dusty Wanes was brave Livy beholding? Tully, that was as fine as the Crusado, disdained not some furniture of his predecessors, that were as course, as canvas: and he that will diligently seek, may assuredly find treasure in merle, corn in straw, gold in dross, pearls in shell-fish, precious stones in the dunghill of Esope, rich jewels of learning, and wisdom, in some poor boxes. He that remembreth Humphrey Cole, a Mathematical Mechanician, Matthew Baker a ship wright, john Shute an Architect, Robert Norman a Navigatour, William Bourne a Gunner, john Hester a Chemist, or any like cunning, and subtle Empirique, (Cole, Baker, Shute, Norman, Bourne, Hester will be remembered, when greater Clerks shallbe forgotten) is a proud man, if he contemn expert artisans, or any sensible industrious Practitioner, howsoever Vnlectured in Schools, or Unlettered in books. Even the Lord Vulcan himself, the supposed God of the forge, and thunder-smith of the great king jupiter, took the repulse at the hands of the Lady Minerva, whom he would in ardent love have taken to wife. Yet what wit, or Policy honoureth not Vulcan? and what profound Mathematician, like Digges, Hariot, or Dee, esteemeth not the pregnant Mechanician? Let every man in his degree enjoy his due: and let the brave engineer, fine Daedalist, skilful Neptunist, marvelous Vulcanist, and every Mercurial occupationer, that is, every Master of his craft, and every Doctor of his mystery, be respected according to the uttermost extent of his public service, or private industry. I cannot stand to specify particularities. Our late writers are, as they are: and albeit they will not suffer me to balance them with the honourable authors of the Romans, Grecians, and Hebrues, yet I will crave no pardon of the highest, to do the simplest no wrong. In Grafton, Holinshed, and 〈◊〉; in H●…ywood, Tuffer, and Gowge; in Gas●…igne, Church●…, and Floide; in rich, Whetstone, and Monday; in Stany hur'st, France, and Watson; in Kiffin, Warner, and Daniel; in an hundred such vulgar writers, many things are commendable, divers things notable, somethings excellent. France, Kiffin, Warner, and Daniel, of whom I have elsewhere more especial occasion to entreat, may haply find a thankful remembrance of their laudable travails. For a polished, and garnished style, few go-beyonde Cartwright, and the chiefest of his Confuters, furnished writers: and how few may wage comparison with Reinolds, Stubbes, Mulcaster, Norton, Lambert, and the Lord Henry Howard? whose several writings the silver file of the workman recommendeth to the plausible interreinement of the daintiest Censure. Who can deny, but the Resolution, and Mary magdalen's funeral tears, are penned elegantly, and pathetically? 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Witchcraft, dismasketh 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 impostures, and in certain principal Chapters, & special passages, hitteth the nail on the head with a witness: howsoever I could have wished, he had either dealt somewhat more courteously with Monsicur Bodine, or 〈◊〉 him somewhat more effectually. Let me not forget the Apology of sundry proceed by jurisdiction Ecclesiastical, or, the Answer to an Abstract of certain Acts of Parliament, Injunctions, Canons, constitutions, and Synodals Provincial: unless I will skip two of the most-materiall, and most-formall Treatises, that any English Print hath lately 〈◊〉. Might I respe●… presume to intimate my slender opinion, without flattery, or other undecency: methought ever Doctor Whitgift (whom I name with honour) in his Sermons was pithy: Doctor Hutton profound: Doctor Young piercing to the quick: Doctor Chaderton copious: M. Curtez elegant: M. Wickam sententious: M. Drant curious: M. Deering sweet: Doctor Still sound: Doctor Vnderhill sharp: Doctor Matthew fine: M. Lawherne gallant: M. dove eloquent: M. Andrew's learned: M. Chaderton methodical: M. Smith Pathetical: sundry other in their proper vain notable, some exquisite, afew singular. Yet which of the best hath all perfections? (nihil omni ex part beatum) or which of the meanest hath not some excellency? I cannot read-over all: I have seldom heard some: (it was never my hap to hear Doctor Cooper, Doctor Humphrey, or Doctor Fletcher, but in Latin): and I would be loath to injury, or prejudice any, that deserveth well, Viva voce, or by pen. I deem him wise, that maketh choice of the best; avoideth the worst; reapeth fruit by both; despiseth nothing, that is not to be abhorred; accepteth of any thing, that may be tolerated; interteineth every thing with commendation, favour, contentment, or amendment. Lucian's ass, Apuleius ass, Agrippa's ass, Macchiavels' ass, myself since I was dubbed an ass by the only Monarch of asses, have found savoury herbs amongst nettles; roses amongst prickles; berries amongst bushes; marrow amongst bones; grain amongst stubble; a little corn amongst a great deal of chaff. The abiectest naturals have their specifical properties, and some wondrous virtues: and Philosophy will not flatter the noblest, or worthiest naturals in their venoms, or impurities. True Alchemy can allege much for her Extractions, and quintessences: & true physic more for her corrections, and purgations. In the best, I cannot commend the bad: and in the badst, I reject not the good: but precisely play the Alchemist, in seeking pure and sweet balms in the rankest poisons. A pithy, or filled sentence is to be embraced, whosoever is the Author: and for the least benefit received, a good mind will render dutiful thanks, even to his greatest enemy. o Humanity, my Lullius, or o Divinity, my Paracelsus, how should a man become that piece of Alchemy, that can turn the Ratsbane of Villainy into the Balm ofhonesty; or correct the Mandrake of scurrility with the myrrh of courtesy, or the saffron of temperance. Conceive a fountain of contentation, as it were of Oil, or a bath of delight, as it were of nectar: and prefer that saffron, or myrrh, that odoriferous saffron, or aromatical myrrh, before this sovereign Oil; and that Balm, that 〈◊〉 Balm, before this heavenly nectar. No natural Restorative, like that saffron, or myrrh, the very death of contention; nor any artificial Cordial, like that Balm, the very life ofhumanity, or should I rather say? the very life of life. We have many new Methods, and platforms; and some nodoubt as exquisite, as scrupulous; but assuredly it were an excellent method, and singular platform, to honour the wise, and moderate the fool; to make-much of the learned, and instruct the ignorant; to embrace the good, and reform the bad; to wish harm to none, & do well to all; and finally (for that is the scope of this, and some other Discourses) to commend the Fox, and praise the Ass. Martin himself is not altogether a wasp: nor Browne altogether a Cankerwoorme: nor Barrow altogether a Scorpion: nor haply Kett altogether a Cockatrice. Take heed of the snake in the grass, or the pad in the straw; and fear no bugs. Be Martin a Martin Guerra; Browne a brown-bill; Barrow a wheelbarrow; Kett a kite; H. N. an O. K; if any sound judgements find themselves beholding unto them in any point of advisement, or consideration (fingular men, and namely schismatic, and Heretics were ever wont to have some thing, or other, extraordinary, and remarkable) they may without my contradiction confess their beholdingness; and for so much profess a recognizance of their debt. I thank Nash for something: green for more: Pap hatchet for much more: Perne for most of all. Of him I learned to know him, to know my enemies, 
☞  to know my friends, to know miselfe, to know the world, to know fortune, to know the mutability of times, and slipperiness of occasions: an inestimable knowledge, and incomparably more worth, than Doctor Gregory's 〈◊〉 mirabilis, or Politians 〈◊〉. He was an old soaker indeed: and had more wit in his hoary head., than six hundred of these flourishing green heads, and lusty curled pates. He would either wisely hold his peace: or smoothly flatter me to my face: or surely pay-home with a witness: but commonly in a corner, or in a maze, where the Autour might be uncertain, or his packing intricate, or his purpose some way excusable. No man could bear a heavy injury more lightly: or forbear a learned adversary more cunningly: or board a wilful friend more dryly: or cirumvent a dangerous foe more covertly: or countermine the deepest underminer more subtly: or lullaby the circumspectest Argus more sweetly: or transform himself into all shapes more deftly: or play any part more kindly. He had such a Patience, as might soften the hardest heart: such a sober-moode, as might ripen the greenest wit: such a sly dexterity, as might quicken the dullest spirit: such a scrupulous manner of proceeding in doubtful cases, as might put a deep consideration into the shallowest fantasy: such a suspicious jealousy, as might smellout the secretest complot, & defeat any practice: such an inextricable sophistry, as might teach an Agathocles to hippocras profoundly, or a Hieron to tyrannize learnedly. Whereas other carried their hearts in their tongues, and their heads in their pens; he liked no such simplicity, but after a smug, and fleering guise, carried his tongue in his heart, his pen in his head; his dagger in his sleeve; his love in his bosom, his spite in his pocket: and when their speech, writing, or countenance bewrayed their affection, (as the manner is), nothing but his fact discovered his drift; & not the Beginning, but the End was the interpreter of his meaning. Some of us, by way of experiment, assayed to feel his pulse, and to tickle his wily veins in his own vain, with smoothing, and glozing as handsomely, as we could: but the bottom of his mind, was a Gulf of the main, & nothing could sound him deeply, but the issue. Iwis elder men had been too-young to manage such an enterprise with success: and the finest intelligencer, or sagest Politician in a state, would undoubtedly have been graveled in the execution of that rash attempt. He could speak by contraries, as quaintly as Socrates; and do by contraries, as shrewdly as Tiberius: the master of Philip de Comines, Lewes the French king, one of the busiest, ielousest, and craftiest Princes, that ever reigned in that kingdom, might have borrowed the Fox's satchel of him: and peradventure not only Aesop's, or Archilochus Fox, but even Lysander's Fox, Aristomenes Fox, Pisistratus Fox, Ulysses' Fox, Chirons' Fox, and Proteus own Fox might learn of him, to play the Fox in the hole. For Stephen Gardiner's Fox, or Macchiavels' Fox, are too-young Cubbes, to compare with him; that would seem any thing, rather than a Fox, and be a Fox rather than any thing else. Legendaries may record woonderments: but examine the suttellest Counsels, or the wilyest practices of Gargantua himself, and even Gargantua himself, albeit his gown were furred with two thousand, & five hundred Fox-skins, mought have been his Pupil. And I doubt not but he that worshipped solemn in Leone, after some few Lectures in his Astronomy, would have honoured solemn in Vulpe. He once kept a cub for his pleasure in Peter-house in Cambridge (as some keep birds, some squirrels, some puppies, some apes, and so forth), and ministered notable matter to S. mary's Pulpit, with Stories of the Cubb, and the Fox, whose Acts, and Monuments are notorious: but had the young-one been as cunning an Artist for his part, as the Old-one was for his; I believe, all the Colleges in both Universities, or in the great University of Christendom, could not have patterned the young man with such an other Bachelor of sophistry, or the old master with such an other Doctor of Hypocrisy. Men may discourse at pleasure, and feed themselves with Carp, and Pikes: but I have known few of so good a nature, so devoid of obstinacy; so far alienated from contumacy; so contrary to frowardness, or testivenesse; so tractable, so buxom, so flexible; so appliable to every time, place, and person; so curious in observing the least circumstance of importance, or advantage; so conformable to public proceed, and private occasions; so respectful to every one of quality; so courteous to men of worship; so dutiful to men of honour; so ceremonious in tendering his devotion to his good Lords, or good Ladies; so obedient to authority; so loyal to majesty; so indifferent to all, and in all. He was gentle without familiarity, (for he doubted contempt): severe without rigour, (for he feared od●…ousnesse): pleasant without levity, (for he regarded his estimation): grave without solemnity, (for he curred popular favour): not rash, but quick; not hasty, but speedy; not hot, but warm; not eager in show, but earnest indeed; no barker at any, but a biter of some; round, and sound. The Clergy never wanted excellent Fortune-wrightes: but what Bishop, or Politician in England, so great a Temporiser, as he, whom every alteration found a newman, even as new as the new Moon? And as he long yawned to be an Archbishop, or Bishop, in the one, or other Church, (they wronged him, that termed the Image of both Churches, a neuter): so did he not arch-deserue, to be installed the puling Preacher of Humility, humility, humility; and the gaping Orator of Obedience, obedience, obedience? Was not ever Pax vobis, one end of his gasping Sermon, & the very foot of his warbling Song? Be it percase a small matter to temporize in four alterations of Kings, and Queens: but what an Ambidexterity, or rather Omnidexterity had the man, that at one, and the same meeting, had a pleasing Tongue for a Protestant, a flattering Eye for a Papist, and a familiar nod for a good fellow? It was nothing with him to temporize in genere, or in specie, according to Macchiavels' ground offortunate success in the world; that could so formally, & featly Personise in individuo. He must know all the sinews of commodity, and acquaint himself with all the joints of advantage, that will live, and teach other to live. o foelix Cato, tu solus nosti Vivere. Or if Cato were over-peremptory, and Stoical, to enjoy that felicity, o foelix Perne, tua solius Ars vivendi. Doubtless it were better for the world, by infinite masses of millions, could the barbarous, and Tragical Tyrants, Saturn, and Mars, two devilish Gods, moderate their fury, as he could do: or the hypocritical, and Comical Tyrants, jupiter, and Mercury, two godly Devils, temper their cunning, as he could do. It was in him, to give instructions unto Ovid, for the repenning of his Metamorphoses anew: and he better merited the name of Vertumnus, then Vertum nus himself. His designments were mysteries: his Courcels, Oracles: his intentions like Minotaur in the Labyrinth: his actions like the Stratagems of Fabius: his defiance like the welcome of Circe: his menaces, like the songs of the Sirens: his curses, like the blessings of those witches in Aphrica, that forspoke, what they praised, and destroyed, what they wished to be saved. I have seen spannels, mongrels, leopard's, antelops; scorpions, snakes, cockatrices, vipers, and many other Serpents in sugar-worke: but to this day never saw such a standing dish of Sugar-worke, as that sweet-toungued Doctor; that spoke pleasingly, whatsoever he thought; and was otherwhiles a fair Prognostication of fowl weather. Such an authentical Irony engrossed, as all Oratory cannot eftsoons counterpane. Smooth voices do well in most societies; and go currently away in many reckonings, when rowgh-hewne words do but lay blocks in their own way. He found it in a thousand experiences; and was the precisest practitioner of that soft, and tame Rhetoric, that ever I knew in my dealings. And in case I should prefer any man of whatsoever quality before him, for a stayed government of his affections, (which he always ruled, as Homer's Minerva bridled Pegasus), or for an infinite and bottomless patience, sibb to the patience of Anaxarchus, or ●…ob, I should injury him, and mine own conscience, exceedingly. Were he handled, as London kennels are used of sluttes, or the Thames of sloovens; he could pocket-it-up, as handsomely, as they; and complain in as few words, as any channel, or river in England, when they are most contumeliously depraved. His other virtues, were colours in grain: his learning, lawn in starch: his wisdom, napry in suds: his conscience, the weather in April, when he was young; the weather in September, as he grew elder; the weather in February, toward his end; and not such a current Prognostication for the fifty years, wherein he flourished, as the Ephemerideses of his Conscience. For his smug, and Canonical countenance, certainly he mought have been S. Boniface himself: for his fair, and formal speech, S. Benedict, or S. Eulaly: for his merry conceits, S. Hillary: for his good husbandry, (he was merry, and wise) S. Seruatius: for his invincible sufferance, S. Vincent the Martyr: for his retracting, or recanting, S. Augustine: for his not seeing all things, S. Bernard: for his preaching to geese, S. Francis, or S. Fox: for his praying, a S. Pharisee: for his fasting, a S. Publican: for his chastity, a Solin virgin: for his pastoral devotion, a shepherds Calendar: for his Fame, an Almanac of Saints. But if ever any were Patience incorporate, it was he: and if ever any were Hypocrisy incarnate, it was he; unto whom I promised to dedicate an eternal memorial of his immortal virtues, and have paid some little part of my vows. I twice, or thrice tried him to his face, somewhat saucily, and smartly: but the Picture of Socrates, or the Image of S. Andrew, not so unmovable: and I still reverence the honourable remembrance of that grave, and most eloquent Silence, as the sagest lesson of my youth. Had Nash a dram of his wit, his Answer should have been Mum; or his Confutation, the sting of the Scorpion. Other Strange News, like Paphatchets rap with a Babble, are of the nature of thatsame snowt-horned Rhinoceros, that biteth himself by the nose; and bestir them, like the doughty fencer of Barnewell, that played his taking-up with a Recumbentibus, and his laying-downe with a broken pate in some three, or four corners of his head. He must revenge himself with a learned Discourse of deepest Silence, or come better provided, than the edge of the razor, that would be valued as wise, as that Apollo Doctor. Whose Epitaph none can display accordingly, but some Spirit of the Air, or the fire. For his Zeal to God, and the Church, was an airy Triplicity: and his devotion to his Prince, and the State, a fiery Trigon. And surely he was well-aduised, that comprised a large History in one Epithet, and honoured him with the title of the Thrise-learned Deane. Only I must needs grant, one such secret, and profound enemy, or shall I say? one such thrise-secret, and thrise-profound enemy, was incomparably more pernicious, than a hundred Hatchets, or Country-cuffes; a thousand Green's, or Coney catchers; an army of Nashes, or Pierces penniless; a forest of wild beasts; or whatsoever Ilias of professed Evils. It is not the threatener, but the underminer, that worketh the mischief: not the open assault, but the privy surprise, that terrifieth the old soldier: not the surging flood, but the low water, that affrayeth the expert Pilot: not the high, but the hidden rock, that endangereth the skilful Mariner: not the busy Pragmatical, but the close Politician, that supplanteth the puissant state: not proclaimed war, but pretended peace, that striketh the deadly stroke. What Historian remembreth not the subtle Stratagems of king Bacchus against the Indians: of king Midas against the Phrygians: of king Romulus against the Sabines: of king Cyrus against the Lydians: of many other Politic Conquerors, against sundry mighty nations, Principalities, Segniories, Cities, Castles, Fortresses? Brave Valour may sometime execute with fury: but Prowess is weak in comparison of other practices: & no puissance to Policy; no rage to craft; no force to wit; no pretence to Religion, (what spoils under colour of Religion?) no text to the gloss; what will not the gloss maintain by hook, or crook? It was not Mercury's woodknife, that could so easily have dispatched Argus, the Lieutenant of Queen juno, had not his enchanting Pipe first lulled him asleep. And was not Ulysses in greater reoperdy by the alluring Sirens, charming Musicians, then by cruel Polyphemus, a boisterous Giant? Undoubtedly Caesar was as singularly wise, as unmatchably valiant; & rather a Fox, than a Lion: but in his wisdom he was more afraid of Sylla, than of Marius; of Cato, then of Catiline; of Cassius, then of Antony; of Brutus, then of Pompey; to be short; of Saturn, then of Mars; of Mercury, then of jupiter himself. It were a long discourse, to survey the wily trains, and crafty fetches of the old, and new world: but whosoever is acquainted with Stratagems, ancient, or modern, knoweth what an hourde of Policies lurketh in the shroud of Dissimulation: & what wonders may be achieved by unexpected suprizes. The professed enemy rather encumbereth himself, & annoyeth his friends, them overthroweth his adversary, or oppresseth his foes. Alexander's, and Caesar's sudden eruptions made them the Lords of the world, and masters of kings: while greatest threateners got nothing, but greatest loss, and greater shame. What should I speak of the first founders of Monarchies, 〈◊〉, and Cyrus? of the Venturous Argo-pilots? of the worthy Herôes? of the dowtiest Errand Knights? of the bravest men in all ages? whose mightiest engine, (notwithstanding whatsoever hyperbole of Valour, or fury) was Scarborough warning; and whose Conquests were assoon knowen-abroad, as their Invasions. No power, like the unlikely assault: nor any mischief so peremptory, as the unlooked-for affliction. He that warneth me, armeth me; and it is much, that a prepared mind, and body may endure: but unsuspected accidents are hardly remedied: and in the fairest weather of security, to offer the foulest play of hostility, is an incredible advantage. So Caesar Borgia, the sovereign Type of Macchiavels' Prince, won the Dukedom of Urbin, in one day. So the Emperor Charles the fifth's Army, passing through Room, occursively sacked the City, and enriched themselves exceedingly. So many invincible states have been suddenly ruinated: and many puissant personages easily vanquished. Brave exploits, where the Cause as honourable, as the Effect admirable. But honourable, or dishonourable, Policy was ever a privy Council, whose Posy, Dolus, an Virtus: Glory a rau●…shing Oration: Ambition a Courser: love a hoat-spurre: Anger a firebrand: Hope a grain of mustard-seed: Courage an errant Knight: Covetice a merchant Venturer: Fury a fierce executioner; whose word, the sword, and whose Law, Non quà, sed quò. As Monarchies, Principalities, and Conquests; so Pety-governements, Segniories, Lieutenantships, Magistracies, Mastership's, fellowships, have their coolerable practices: and nothing is cunning, that is apparent. The Fox preacheth Pax vobis, to the Capons, and geese: and never worse intended, then when the best pretended. Horace's, or rather Borgia's,  
Astutaingenuum Vulpes imitata Leonem; the deepest ground of highest policies, and the very Stratagem of Strategemes. The glorious Indian Conquests are famously known to the world: and what was the Valorous Duke of Parma in his bravest Victories, but Vulpes imitata Leonem, and a new compound of old Stratagems? iovius Fox in his military, and amorous Emprese, may call himself a Fox: but some learned Clerks, and judicious censors, profound Politics, like Macehiavell, or Perne, (for Macchiavell never discoursed with his pen, as Perne devised with his mind) would go very-nigh to call him a goose, that gave for his mott: Simul astu, et dentibus utor. And his Griphen in some opinions, was never a whit the more terrible, for that lusty Posy, a jolly heroical verse in a Grammar School:  
unguibus, et rostro, atque alis armatus in hostem. I never read that Alexander's Bucephalus, or Caesar's courageous horse, had any such, or such glorious Posies: and I believe Bevisses' Arundel was no great braggart with motts. The Trojan Horse, or rather the Grecian Horse, was not such an Ass, to advance himself with any such proud Impreze, as, Scandit fatalis machina muros: but ministered ruthful, and tragical matter of that haughty Posy to the stately Poet. Did the flying Pegasus of the redoubted Bellerophon, before his adventurous expedition against the hideous Lion-dragon Chimaera, that is, against the fierce savages, which inhabited that fier-vomiting mountain in Lycia, provide to arm himself with a brave Posy; or boast of his horrible mother Medusa, or of his own Gorgonean wings? Did the fiery horses of the Sun, that is, of the hoattest East-countryes', threaten Prince Phaeton, or the world, with a dreadful Verse?  
Tune sciet ignipedum Vires expertus Equorum. May not peradventure the proudest horse be countermotted with a poor fragment of Statius? Seruiet asper Equus. Or may not haply the dowtiest Ass be emblemed with a good old devise? insulso tribulus sapit asper asello. The rowghest net is not the best catcher of birds: nor the finest policy, a professed Termagant. Although Lysander's oxen said nothing, yet the Fox Lysander could tell, which of them was a sluggard, and which laborious. It is not the Verbal mott, but the actual Impreze, that argueth a generous, or noble mind. Children, and fools use to crack: Action, the only Emblem of jugurth, and the notablest fellows; whose manner is, Plurimum facere; minimum de se loqui: the honourablest devise, that worthy Valour can invent. The Tree is known by the fruit; and needeth no other Posy: the gallantest mott of a good Appletree, is a good apple; of a good warden-tree, a good warden; of a good limon-tree, a good limon; of a good palm, a good date; of a good Vine, a good grape; and so fourth: their leaves, their Prognostications; their blossoms, their boasts; their branches, and boughs, their bravery; their fruit, their arms, their emblems, their nobility, their glory. I dare not say, that Pittacus was as wise, as he, that beginneth like front-tufted Occasion, (for Occasion is bald behind), and endeth like Ovid's lover, (for Ovid's lover must not attempt, but where he will conquer): few resoluter mottes, then Aut nunc aut nunquam: and what Valianter Posy, then Aut nunquam tents, aut perfice: but Pittacus was one of the seven famous Masters, and in his sage wisdom thought it a sober lesson, Foretell not, what thou intendest to achieve, less peradventure being frustrate, thou be laughed to scorn, and made a notable flowtingstocke. Perhaps he was an Ass; and speaketh like a Fool: (for who is not an Ass, & a fool with this Thomas Wisdom?) but some plain men are of his opinion, and will hardly believe that the frankest braggarts are the doubtiest doers. Were I a collector of witty Apothegs', like Plutarch, or of pithy Gnomes, like Theognis, or of dainty Emblems, like Alciat: surely Pittacus should not be the last, at the least in that Rhapsody. Meanwhile it is nothing out of my way, to praise the close, or suspicious Ass, that will not trouble any other with his privy Counsel, but can be content to be his own Secretary. There be more quaint experiments in an University, than many a politic head would imagine. I could nominate the man, that could teach the Delphicall Oracle, and the Egyptian Crocodile to play their parts. His Civil tongue was a riddle; his Ecclesiastical tongue a Hieroglyphique; his face a vizard: his eyes cormorants: his ears martyrs: his wit a maze: his heart a juggling stick: his mind a mist: his reason a veil: his affection a curb: his conscience a mask: his Religion a triangle in Geometry: his Charity a Syllogism in Celarent: his hospitality aleven months in the year, as good, as good Friday: for one month or very near, he was resident upon his Deanery, & kept open house in the isle, like Ember week. Of an other man's, noman more liberal: of his own, noman more frugal. He deeply considered (as he did all things) that good economy was good Policy: that it was more wisdom to borrow, than to lend gratis: that the ravens croaking looseth him many a fat prey: that the forstalling, & engrossing of privy commodities, was a pretty supply of privy Tithes: that many a little, by little & little maketh a much: that often return of gain amounteth: that the Fox never fareth better, then when he is cursed most: that a silver picklock was good at a pinch; and a golden hook a cunning fisher of men: that every man was nearest to himself, and the skin nearer, than the shirt: that there were many principles, and precepts in Art, but one principal maxim, or sovereign cauteil in practice, Si non castè, tamen cautè: that there was no security in the world, without Epicharmus incredulity, Dions' Apistie, or Heywoods' Fast bind, & fast find: that Bayard in the stable, and Legem pone, were substantial points of Law: that many things are hypothetically to be practised, which may not Categorically be revealed: that two friends, or brethren may keep counsel, when one of the two is away: that unum necessarium: and so forth. For, Vincit, qui patitur, would go nigh-hand to open the whole pack, and tell wonderful Tales out-off School. Pap-hatchet talketh of publishing a hundred merry Tales of certain poor Martinists: but I could here dismaske such a rich mummer, & record such a hundredwise Tales of memorable note, with such a smart Moral, as would undoubtedly make this Pamflet the vendiblest book in London, and the Register one of the famousest authors in England. But I am none of those, that utter all their learning attonce: and the close man (that was nomans' friend, but from the teeth ontward, nomans' foe, but from the heart inward) may percase have some secret friends, or respective acquaintance; that in regard of his calling, or some private consideration, would be loath to have his coat blazed, or his satchel ransacked. Beside, what methodical Artist, would allow the Encomium of the Fox, in the praise of the Ass, unless I would prove by irrefragable demonstration, that the false Fox was a true Ass; as I once heard a learned Physician affirm, if a goose were a Fox, he was a Fox. Yet surely by his favour, who could sharply judge, and durst freely speak; He was a Fox, and a half, in his whole body, and in every part of his soul: albeit I will not deny, but he mought in some respects be a Goose, and after a sort (as it were) an Ass: especially for defeating one without cause, and troubling the same without effect, that for aught he knew, might possibly have it in him, to requite him alive, and dead. Let the wronged party not be injuried: and I dare avow, he never did, nor ever will injury, or prejudice any, in deed, word, or intention: but if any whosoever will needs be offering abuse in fact, or snip-snapping in terms, sith other remedy shrinketh, he may peradventure not altogether pass unaunswered. He thinketh not now on the booted fool, that always jetteth in his startups, with his Stillyard hat in his drowsy eyes: but of an other good ancient Gentleman, that mought have been his father for age; his tutor for learning; his counsellor for wisdom; his creditor for silver; his Catechist for Religion, and his Ghostly father for devotion, He once in a scolds policy, called me Fox between jest, and earnest: (it was at the funeral of the honourable Sir Thomas Smith, where he preached, and where it pleased my Lady Smith, and the coexecutours to bestow certain rare manuscript books upon me, which he desired): I answered him between earnest, & jest, I might haply be a Cubb, as I might be used; but was over-young to be a Fox, especially in his presence. He smiled, and replied after his manner, with a Chameleons gape, and a very emphatical nod of the head. Whosoever, or whatsoever he was; certes my old backfrend of Peter-house, was the lock of cunning conveyance: but such a lock, as could not possibly be 〈◊〉 any key, but the key of opportunity, and the hand of advantage. If Opportunity were abroad, jodocus was not at home: where Occasion presented Advantage, Policy wanted no dexterity; and the lightfooted Fox was not so swift of foot, as nimble of wit, and quick of hand. Some, that called him the lukewarm Doctor, and likened him to milk from the Cow, found him at such a fit overwarme for their feruentest zeal: and I remember a time, when One of the hottest furnace, showing himself little better than a Cow; He a in quavering voice, and a lightning spirit, taught the wild roe his lesson. Hast was not so forward to run to a commodity, but Speed was swifter to fly to an advantage: and where Hast somewhat grossly bewrayed his forwardness, Speed very finely marched in a cloud, and found the goddess Hypocrisy as sly a Conductrisse, as ever was fair Venus to Aeneas, or wise Minerva to Ulysses, in their quaint passages. We may discourse of natural Magic, and supernatural Cabal, whereof the learnedest and crediblest antiquity hath recorded wonderful Histories: but it is the rod of Mercury, and the ring of Gyges, that work miracles: and no Mathematician, Magician, or Cabalist may countervail him, that in his heroical expeditions can walk in a cloud, like a Vapour, or in his divine practices go invisible, like a Spirit. Brave Minds, and Venturous Hearts, thank him for this invaluable Note, that could teach you to achieve more with the little finger of Policy, than you can possibly compass with the mighty arm of Prowess. Os else in my curious observation of infinite Histories, Hypocrisy had never been the great Tyrant of the world, & the huge Antichrist of the Church. The weapon of the Fire, and Air, is Lightning: the weapon of the Earth, & Water, Cunning. Was not he shrewdly encountered, that was prestigiously besieged, and invisi. bly undermined with that weapon of weapons? What other supply could have seconded, or rescued him, but Death; that had often been the death of his Life in his worthiest Friends, and was eftsoons the death of his Death in his wyliest enemy. Whose Spite was intricate, but detected: and whose Subtlety marvelous, but disuailed: and he that disclosed the same, is perhaps to leave an immortal Testimonial of his Indian Discoovery. In the mean time, as the admirable Geometrician Archimedes would have the figure of a Cylinder, or roller engraved upon his Tomb: so it were reason, the thrise-famous Divine, should have the three-sided figure, or equilater Triangle, imprinted upon his Sepulchre: with this, or some worthier Epitaph, devised according to the current Method of Tria sequuntur Tria.  

The Coffin speaketh.  
Ask not, what News? that come to visit wood:  
My Treasure is, Three Faces in One Hood:  
A changeling Triangle: a Turnecoate rood.  
A lukewarm Trigon: a Three-edgedtoole:  
A three-oard galley: a threefooted stool:  
A three-winged weathercock: a three-tongued School.  
Three-hedded Cerberus, woe be unto thee:  
Here lies the Only Trey, and Rule of Three:  
Of all Triplicities the A. B. C.   
Somebody oweth the three-shapen Geryon a greater duty, in recognizance of his often-promised courtesies; and will not be found Ungrateful at occasion. He were very simple, that would fear a conjuring Hatchet, a railing green, or a threatening Nash: but the old dreamer, like the old dog, biteth sore, and no foe to the flattering Perne, or pleasing Titius: that have sugar in their lips, gall in their stomachs; water in the one hand, fire in the other; peace in their sayings, war in their doings; sweetness in their exhortations, bitterness in their canuasses; reverence in their titles, cooven in their actions: notable men in their kind, but pitch-branded with notorious dissimulation; large promisers, compendious performers; shallow in charity, profound in malice; superficial in theory, deep in practice; masters of Sophistry, Doctors of Hypocrisy; formal friends, deadly Enemies; thrise-excellent Impostors. These, these were the Only men, that I ever dreaded: especially thatsame odd man Trium Litterarun, that for a linsy-woolsie wit, & a chevril conscience was A Per se A: other braggardes, or threatners whatsoever I fear, as I fear Hobgoblin, & the Bugs of the night. When I have sought-up my day-charmes, and night-spelles, I hope their power to hurt, shall be as ridiculously small, as their desire to affright, is outrageously great. I never stood stiffly in defence of mine own ability, or sufficiency: they that impeach me of imperfection in learning, or practise, in discoursing, or endighting, in any art, or profession, confute me not, but confirm mine own confession. It is only my honesty, & credit, that I endeavour to maintain: other defects I had rather supply by industry, than cloak by excuse: & refer the decision of such points to the arbitrement of Indifferency: to which also I prefer the Praises of my dispraisers: & beseech Equity to tender them their due, with a largesse of favour. judgement is the wisest reader of Books: and no Art of distinctions, so infallible, as grounded Discretion: which will soon discern between White, and Black: and easily perceive, what wanteth, what superaboundeth; what becometh, what misbecommeth; what in this, or that respect deserveth commendation; what may reasonably, or probably be excused; what would be marked with an Asterisk, what noted with a black coal. As in metals, so in styles he hath slender skill, that cannot descry copper from gold, tin from silver, iron from steel, the refuse from the rich vain, the dross from the pure substance. It is little of Value, either for matter, or manner, that can be performed in such perfunctory Pamflets, on either side: but how little soever it be, or may appear, for mine own part I refuse not to underly the Verdict of any courteous, or equal censure, that can discern betwixt chalk, and cheese. Touching the matter, what wanteth, or might be expected here, shall be particularly, and largely recompensed, aswell in my Discourses, entitled Nashes S. Fame, which are already finished, and attend the Publication: as also in other Supplements thereof, especially those of the abovementioned Gentlewoman, whom after some advisement it pleased, to make the Strange News of the railing Villain, the cussionet of her needles, and pings. Though my scribblings may fortune to continue awhile, and then have their desert, according to the laudable custom; (what should toys, or dalliances live in a world of business?) yet I dare undertake with warrant, whatsoever she writeth, must needs remain an immortal work; and will leave in the activest world an eternal memory of the silliest vermin, that she shall vouchsafe to grace with her beautiful, and allective style, as ingenious as elegant. Touching the manner, I take it a nice and frivolous curiosity for my person, to bestow any cost upon a trifle of no importance: and am so ouershaddowed with the flourishing branches of that heavenly plant, that I may seem to have purposely prevented all comparison, in yielding that homage to her divine wit, which at my hands she hath meritoriously deserved. Albeit I protest, she was neither bewitched with entreaty; nor juggled with persuasion; nor charmed with any corruption: but only moved with the reason which the Equity of my cause, after some little communication, in her Unspotted Conscience suggested. They that long to advance their own shame (I always except a Phoenix, or two) may bravely enter the lists of comparison, & do her the highest honour in despite, that they could possibly devise in a serviceable devotion. She hath in my knowledge read the notablest Histories of the most-singular woomen of all ages, in the Bible, in Homer, in Virgil, (her three sovereign Books, the divine Archetypes of Hebrew, Greek, and Roman Valour); in Plutarch, in Polyen, in Petrarch, in Agrippa, in Tyraquell, in whom not, that have specially tendered their diligent devoir, to honour the excellentest woomen, that have lived in the world: and commending the meanest, extolling the worthiest, imitating the rarest, and approving all according to the proportion of their endowments, envieth none, but Art in person, and Virtue incorporate, the two preciousest creatures, that ever flourished upon earth. Other woomen may yield to Penelope: Penelope to Sapph: Sapph to Arachne: Arachne to Minerva: Minerva to juno: juno to none of her sex: She to all, that use her, and hers well: to none of any sex, that misuse her, or hers. She is neither the noblest, nor the fairest, nor the finest, nor the richest Lady: but the gentlest, and wittiest, and bravest, and invinciblest Gentlewoman, that I know. Not such a wench in Europe, to unswaddle a fair Baby, or to swaddle a fowl puppy. Some of you may aim at her parsonage: and it is not the first time, that I have termed her style, the tinsel of the daintiest Muses, and sweetest Graces: but I dare not particularize her Description according to my conceit of her beaudesert, without her licence, or permission, that standeth upon masculine, not feminine terms; and is respectively to be dealt withal, in regard of her courage, rather than her fortune. And what, if she can also publish more works in a month; than Nash hath published in his whole life; or the pregnantest of our inspired Heliconists can equal? Can I dispose of her Recreations, and some others Exercises; I nothing doubt, but it were possible (notwithstanding the most-curious curiosity of this age) to breed a new admiration in the mind of Contempt, & to restore the excellentest books into their wont estate, even in integrum. Let me be notoriously condemned of Partiality, and simplicity, if she fail to accomplish more in gallant performance, (now she hath condescended to the spinning-upp of her silken task) than I ever promised before, or may seem to insinuate now. Yet she is a woman; and for some passions may challenge the general Privilege of her sex, and a special dispensation in the cause of an affectionate friend, devoted to the service of her excellent desert; whom he hath found no less, than the Handmaid of Art, the mistress of Wit, the Gentlewoman of right Gentleness, and the Lady of right Virtue. Howbeit even those passions she hath so ordered, and managed, with such a witty temper of violent, but advised motions, full of spirit, and blood, but as full of sense, and judgement, that they may rather seem the marrow of reason, than the froth of affection: and her hoattest fury may fitly be resembled to the passing of a brave career by a Pegasus, ruled with the reanes of a Minerva's bridle. Her Pen is a very Pegasus indeed, and runneth like a winged horse, governed with the hand of exquisite skill. She it is, that must return the mighty famous work of Supererogation with Benet, and Collect. I have touched the booted Shakerley a little, that is always riding, and never rideth; always confuting, and never confuteth; always ailing something, and railing any thing: that shamefully, and odiously misuseth every friend, or acquaintance, as he hath served some of his favorablest Patrons, (whom for certain respects I am not to name), M. Apis Lapis, green, Marlowe, Chettle, and whom not? that saluteth me with a Gabrielissime Gabriel, which can give him the farewell with a Thomassissime Thomas, or an Assissime Ass; yet have not called him a filthy companion, or a scurvy fellow, as all the world, that knoweth him, calleth him: that in his Pierce penniless, and Strange News, the Bull-beggars of his courage, hath omitted no word, or phrase of his railing Dictionary, but only Tues Starnigogolus: and hath Valiantly vowed to have The Last Word, to die for't.  

Plaudite Victori, Iwenes hîc quotquot adestis:  
Nam me qui vicit, doctior est Nebulo.   
The best is, where my Answer is, or may be deemed Unsufficient, (as it is commonly over-tame for so wild a Bullock), there She with as Visible an Analysis, as any Anatome, strippeth his Art into his doublet; his wit into his shirt; his whole matter, & manner into their first Principles; his matter in Materian Primam; his manner in formam primam; and both in Privationem Vltimam, id est, his Last Word, so gloriously threatened. I desire no other favour at the hands of Courtesy, but that Art, and Wit may be her readers; & Equity my judge: to whose Unpartial Integrity I humbly appeal in the Premises: with dutiful recommendation of Nashes S. Fame, even to S. Fame herself: who withher own flourishing hands is shortly to erect a Maypole in honour of his Victorious Last Word. Doubt ye not, gallant Gentlemen, he shall find the guerdon of his Valour, & the meed of his meritorious work. Though my Pen be a slugplum, look for a quill, as quick, as quicksilver; & pity the soary swain, that hath incurred the indignation of such a quill; and may everlastingly be a miserable Spectacle for all libeling rakehells, that otherwise might desperately presume to venture the foil of their crank folly. The stay of the Publication, resteth only at my instance: who can conceive small hope of any possible account, or regard of mine own discourses, were that fair body of the sweetest Venus in Print, as it is redoubtably armed with the complete harness of the bravest Minerva. When his necessary defence hath sufficiently accleered him, whom it principally concerneth to acquitt himself: She shall no sooner appear in person, like a new Star in Cassiopea, but every eye of capacity will see a conspicuous difference between her, and other mirrors of Eloquence: and the woeful slave of S. Fame must either blindfilde himself with insensible 〈◊〉, or behold his own notorious folly, with most-shamefull shame. It will then appear, as it were in a clear Urinal, whose wit hath the green-sickness: and I would deem it a greater marvel, than the mightiest wonder, that happened in the famous year, 88 if his cause should not have the falling-sickness, that is encountered with an arm of such force. M. Stowe, let it be enchronicled for one of the 〈◊〉, or miracles of this age, that a thing lighter than Tarlton's Toy, and vainer than Shake●…leyes conceit, that is, Nash, should be the subject of so invaluable a work: and be it known to Impudence by these Presents, that his brazen wall is battered to Pindust, and his Iron gate shaken all to nothing. It is in the least of her energetical lines to do it: more easily, than a fine thread cracketh a ●…gling Bell. A pretty experiment: & not unlike some of her strange inventions, and rare devices, as forcible to move, as feat to delight. The issue will resolve the doubtfullest mind: and I am content to refer Incredulity, to the visible, and palpable evidence of the Term Probatory. When either the Light of Nature, and the Sun of Art must be in Eclipse: or the shining rays of her singular gifts will display themselves in their accustomed brightness; and discoover the base 〈◊〉 of that mischievous Planet, that in a vile ambition seeketh the exaltation of his fame, by the depression of their credit, that are able to extinguish the proudest glimze of his Lamp. Her rare perfections can livelyest blazon themselves: and this pen is a very unsufficient Orator to express the heavenly beauties of her mind: but I never knew Virtue, a more inviolable Virgin, then in her excellent self: and the day is yet to come, wherein I ever found her Wit a defective, or Eclyptique creature. She knoweth, I flatter not her Fortune: and if I honour her Virtue, whofe confirmed modesty I could never see disguised with any gloze of commendation; who can blame me for discharging some little part of a greater duty? She hath in mere gratuity bestowed a largesse upon her affectionate servant; that imputeth the same, as an excessive favour, to her hyperbolical courtesy, not to any merit in himself: but the lesser my desert, the greater her liberality; whom I cannot any way reacquite, farther than the zeal of a most-devoted mind may extend; as incessantly thankful, as infinitely debtfull. For to address a plausible discourse, or to garnish a panegyrical Oration in her praise, as occasion may present; will appear to be a task of Civil justice, not any piece of Civil courtesy, when her own silver Tracts shall publish the precious valour of her golden Virtues, and decipher the inestimable worth of the Author by her divine handiwork. At the first view whereof, as at the piercing sight of the amiablest Beauty, who can tell how sudden Passions may work? or what a sting, some tickling Interjection may leave in the heart, and liver of affection? I am ever prone to hope, as I wish, even the best of the worst: and although wilful Malice be a stiff, and stubborn adversary to appease, yet I have seen a greater miracle, than the pacification of Paper-warres, or the atonement of Inkhorn foes. There She standeth, that with the finger of Industry, and the tongue of Affability, hath acheived some stranger wonders, upon as rough, and harsh fellows, as  
The noddy Nash, whom every serving Swash  
With pot-iestes dash, and every whip-dog lash:  
(for the rhyme is more famous, then was intended): and with the same causes emprooved, why may She not directly, or violently accomplish the same effects? or what is impossible to the persuasive, and Pathetical influence of Reason, and Affection? It is a very dismal, and caitive Planet, that can find in his heart to encounter those two gracious Stars, with malicious aspects: which he must despitefully encounter, that will obstinately oppose his peevish rancour to her sweet Civility. In case nothing else will prevail with insatiable Envy, and unquenchable Malice, (for so I am eftsoons informed, whatsoever course be taken for the mitigation of his rage): yet I am vehemently persuaded in Physic, and resolved in Policy, that the Oil of Scorpions will finally heal the wounds of Scorpions. I know One, that experimentally proved what a rod in lie could do with the cursedest boy in a City; and found the Imperative mood a better Orator, than the Optative. It may fortune, the same man hath such a Whipsydoxy in store for a jack-sauce, or unmannerly puppy, as may School him to turn-over a new leaf, and to cry the pitifullest Peccavi of a woeful Penitent. For my part, whom at this instant it smartly behoveth to be resolute, I confess I was never more entangled, and intricated in the discourse of mine own reason, then since I had to do with this desperate Dick; that dareth utter, and will cog any thing, to serve his turn. Not to confute him, in some respects were perhaps better: to confute him, is necessary. Were it possible, to confute him in not confuting him, I am of opinion, it would be done: (for Insolency, or any injury would be repressed by order of Law, where order of Law is a sufficient remedy: and Silence, in some cases were the finest Eloquence; or Scorn, the fittest answer): and haply I could wish, not to confute him in confuting him, (for the discoovery of Coney catchers doth not greatly edify some bad minds): but seeing he is so desperate, that he will not be confuted with not confuting, I must desire his Patience, to be a little content to be confuted with confuting, rather after his, or others guise, then after my manner. Answer not a fool according to his foolishness, lest thou also be like him: answer a fool according to his foolishness, lest he be wise in his own conceit. They are both proverbs of the wisest Master of Sentences: of whom also I have learned, that to the horse belongeth a whip; to the ass a snaffle; to the fools back a rod. Let noman be wiser than Solomon. The fooles-head must not be suffered to coy itself: the colt must feel the whip, or the wand; the ass the snaffle, or the good; the fools back the rod, or the cudgel. Let the colt, the Ass, the fool beware in time: or he may peradventure feel them indeed: with such a Tuautem, as hath not often been quavered in any language. If Peace; or Treaty may not be heard, War shall command Peace; and he mussel the mouth of rankest Impudence, or fiercest hostility, that can do it; and do it otherwise, then is yet imagined: and yet nothing like that inspired Gentlewooman. Whose Pen is the shot of the musket, or rather a shaft of heaven, swifter than any arrow, and mightier than any hand-weapon, when Courtesy is repulsed, and hostility must enforce amity: but otherwise how graciously amiable, how divinely sweet? Gentlemen, look upon the lovely glistering Star of the morning; and look for such an Oriental Star, when She displayeth the resplendishing beams of her bright wit, and pure bounty. Meanwhile, if some little shimering light appear at a little crevice, I have my request; and some pretty convenient leisure, to take order with an other kind of Strange News in Westminster Hall. It is some men's fortune to have their hands full of unneedefull business attonce: and for miselfe, I should make no great matter of two, or three such glowing Irons in the fire, were it not some small grief, or discouragement, to consider, that nothing can be perfectly, or sufficiently performed by halves, or fragments. Which necessary interruption hath been the utter disgrace of the premises; and a great hindrance to my larger Discourses, more ample trifles. I can but crave pardon; and prepare amends, as leisure and occasion may aff●…urde opportunity. Learned wits can skilfully examine, and honest minds will uprightly consider Circumstances, with courteous regard of Favour, or due respect of Reason: in whose only Indifferency, as in a safe, and sweet harbour, I repose my whole affiance, and security, as heretofore. And so for this present I surcease to trouble your gentle courtesies: of whose Patience I have (according to particular occasions) sometime unmannerly, but modestly; often familiarly, but sincerely; most-what freely, but considerately; always confidently, but respectively; in every part simply, in the whole tediously presumed under correction. I writ only at idle hours, that I dedicate only to Idle Hours: or would not have made so unreasonably bold, in no needefuller Discourse, than the Praise, or Supererogation of an Ass.  
This 27. of April: 1593. Your mindful debtor, G.H.   
FINIS.   

Errors escaped in the Printing. With certain Additions to be inserted.  
Page. faults. amended. 26 forangoy, read agony. 31 scholeth, schooleth. 49 betwixt betwixt. 67 railing style, without the two pricks, or colon. 85 very Minister every Minister. 90 instringment infringement. 98 not will will not. 107 looker-on lookers-on. 121 such sweeting such a sweeting. 139 or discourser or a discourser. 147 thy riot by riot. 201 suprises surprises. 205 at the least or the least. 219 Oriental Orient.  
KNow also, Gentle Reader, that it was the Writers meaning to divide this Treatise into three books: the Second beginning at the Advertisement to Pap-hatchet, and Martin Marprelate: the Third at, So then of Pappadocio: but in the Original, or uncorrected copy there was not any such division expressly sett-downe: neither were the Additions following, inserted in their proper places, but annexed to the end of the Third book, & noted thus.  
In the First Book, page 46. after Cloud, insert. What speak I of one, or two English Paragons? or what should I blazon the gallant, and brave metres of Ariosto, and Tasso, always notable, sometimes admirable? All the noblest Italian, French, and Spanish Poets, have in their several Veins Petrarchised, that is, loved wittily, not grossly, lived civilly, not lewdly, and written deliciously, not wanton. And it is no dishonour for the daintyest, or divinest Muse, to be his scholar, whom the amiablest Invention, and bewtifullest Elocution acknowledge their master. All posterity—  
In the Second Book, Page. 77. after edifieth, insert. Plato comparing Aristotle, and Xenocrates together; Xenocrates, quoth he, needeth a spur: Aristotle a Bridle. And if Princes, or Parliaments want a goad, may not Subjects, or Admonitions want a snaffle? Is there pretence, for Liberty to advise the wisest, or for Zeal to pricke-forward the highest: and no reason for Prudence to curb Rashness, or for Authority to reane Licentiousness? May judgement be whoodwinked with frivolous traditions: and cannot Fantasy be inveigled with new-fangled conceits? Superstition and Credulity—  
In the same book, Page. 87. after Innovation, insert. And I hope he was not greatly unadvised, that being demanded his opinion of the Eldership in question; answered, he conceived of the Eldership, (as it is intended, and motioned in England) as he thought of the Elder-tree, that whatsoever it appeared in show, it would in trial prove fruitless, seedelesse, bitter, frail, troublous, and a friend to surging waves, and tempestuous storms. And being further pressed touching the forward Zeal of dowtie Martin senior, lively Martin juniour, pert Penry, lusty Barrow, and some other brag Reformistes: (for that rolling stone of Innovation, was never so turled and tumbled, as since those busy limbs began to rouse, and bestir them, more than all the Pragmatiques in Europe): when young Phaeton, quoth he, in a presumptuous resolution would needs rule the Chariot of the Sun, as it might be the temple of Apollo, or the Church of S. Paul, or some greater Province (for the greater Province, Commonwealth, or Monarchy, the fit for Phaeton's reformation): his sudd●…ine ruin ministered matter of most lamentable tears, to his dear mother, and loving Sisters; in somuch, that they were pitifully changed, as some writ into Elder-trees, as some, into Poplars. Si●…fleuit Clymene: sic & Clymencides altae: as it might be the mournful Church, and her wailing members, woefully transmewed into Elders, or Poplars. Good my Masters,—  
In the Third book, Page 205, after Policy, insert. that Learning was to be commended, but Lucre, and Preferment to be studied: that he soweth in vain, which moweth not his own advantage: that nothing was to be bestowed, without hope of usance: that Love, or Hatred avail not, but where they may prevail: that Affections were to be squared by occasion, and Reasons to be framed by profit: that names of partialities, sects, and divisions, either in Civil, or Religious causes, were but foolish words, or pelting terms; & all were to be estimated by their valuation in esse: that the true squire, & right Geometrical compass of things, is ability, the only thing, that by a sovereign prerogative deserveth to be called Substance: that according to Chawcers English, there can be little adling, without much gabbing, that is, small getting, without greatlying, and cogging: that it was—  
These four Additions in their several books, I commend to the correction of the courteous Reader: and so take my leave.  
FINIS.   

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL, my very good friend, M. Doctor Harvey.  

GOod M. Doctor Harvey, promise I account debt, especially to so especial a friend: and therefore I have now again laboured to discharge miselfe of it. I would I were of desert to setforth your long-deserued praise, and of ability to express your singular abilities, in style, knowledge, and other most commend a●…evertues. What is in my power, the least of your frend●…s shall command: what is not, I can but wish: which I would m●…st earnestly wish, if that might serve, though I never sh●…uld wish more. I will not trouble your graver studies, but pray for your healths continuance: and will most willingly perform more, if occasion serve.  
Oxford, this 10. of july. 1593. Yours ever to command, john Thorius.   

Sonnet.  

Defamed by One, who most himself defameth,  
Writ worthy Harvey: for the wise applaud thee:  
Shame be his higher, that foully himself shameth,  
And would of thy deserved right desraude thee.  
And if you force the undeserved wrong,  
Wherewith some simple Ignorant distaines thee:  
You in your Wisdom may exceed as long,  
As he in Folly foolishly disdains thee.  
For sharpe-eyde Equity hath descried to all,  
Th'injurious vain, that sets his pen to school:  
Whose railing tends unto your wisdoms fall,  
And proves all fond, to prove himself a Foole.  
Which monstrous Folly would be left in haste:  
As wisdoms age will make him know at last.   
john Thorius.   

Enclosed in the same Letter.  
ANd that I might not be held last in remembrance, though absent, that in your presence have sought the selfe-proffering cause of after-memory: I have once more, (as he, that devoteth himself, and his poor labours to your good liking), how badly you may see, but how heartily I would you could see, or I could say; writ these my pure devotions, and Zealous lines: with as true desire to honour yourself, according to your worth, as I have been wanting the desert, which your courteous nature hath afforded me. I request Sir, but your acceptance, and your favour, which if I gain, I have got more, than my due: and so wishing your continual bliss, I end, as one with oft prayers desiring to be held,  
Your bound by much desert, An●…ny Chewt.   

Sonnet.  

Proceed most worthy Lines, in your disdain,  
Against the false Suggestions you abuse:  
Whose rascal style deserved hath to gain  
The hateful title of a railing Muse.   

Doubtless the wisest, that shall chance to read you  
In true judicial of a quiet thought,  
Will give applause unto the wit, that bread you,  
And you shall win the good, that you have sought.   

Win more: and since the fool defames you still,  
The fool, whom Shame hath stained with fowl blot,  
Perform on him your discontented will:  
Fame shall be your meed: Shame shall be his lot.   

And so proceeding, you shall so redeem  
The name, that he would drown in black esteem.   
Subscribed, Sh: Wy:  
for, Shore's Wife.   

Sur l'Apologie de Monsieur le tres-docte & tres-eloquent Docteur Harvey: par le Sieur de Fregeuille du Gaut.  

Celuy qui provoqué publie sa defence,  
Peut auecques raison sa cause déployer;  
Lafoy Loy de Talion ne peut moins, qu'ottroyer  
just permission de repayer l'offence.   

Mais celuy qui enflé, a escrire commence,  
A diffamer autruy, tachant a s'employer:  
De droit ne peut pretendre adueu ou bon loyer,  
Ains l'infame intenté luy vient pourrecompense.   

●…aime pourtant par tout unstile moderé,  
Mesmes si on respond au sot demesuré,  
Car on n'a point raison d'imiter sa sottise.   

Marri suimon d'Haruey de te voir provoqué,  
Mais tres-aise qu'estant indignement piqué;  
Ta Docte response est eloquent & rassise.    

His Sonnet, that will justify his word, and dedicateth Nashes S. Fame to Immortality.  

A Dame, more sweetly brave, then nicely fine;  
Yet fine, as finest Gentlewomen be:  
Brighter, than Diamant in every line;  
Is penniless so Witless still? quoth She.  
If Nash will felly gnash, and rudely slash:  
Snip-snap a crash, may lend S. Fame a gash.  
Skill read the Rhyme, and put it in Truths purse:  
(Experience kisseth Reconcilements hand):  
If warning-piece be scorned, Spite may hear worse:  
Though love no warrior be, Right leads a band.  
How feign would Courtesy these jars surcease?  
How glad would Charity departed in peace?  
But if Sir Rash continue still Sir Swash;  
He lives, that will him dash, and lash, and sqwash.  
Haec quoque culpa tua est: haec quoque poena tua est.    

another occasional admonition.  

Fame roused herself, and 'gan to swash about:  
Boys swarmed: youths thronged: bloods swore: brutes rea●…'d the how'wt:  
Her meritorious work, a Wonderclowte:  
Did ever Fame so bravely play the lout?  
I chanced upon the Rhyme: and wondered much  
What courage of the world, or Mister wight  
Durst terrible S. Fame so rashly touch,   

Or her redoutable Bull-begging knight.  
Incontinent I heard a piercing voice,  
Not Echoes voice, but shriller than a Lark:  
Sith Destiny allottes no wiser choice,  
Pastime appose the Pickle-herring clerk.  
Quiet thy rage, Imperious Swishswash:  
Or Woe be to thy horrible trishtrash.  
Est benè, non potuit dicere: dixit, Erit.    

An Apostrophe to the Health of his abused Friends.  

Live Father sweet: and miscreant Varlets die,  
That wrong my parent heart, and brother Eye.  
Dearest of Eyes, contemn thy caitive foes:  
Kindest of Hearts, enjoy thy firm repose.  
Sky, with a Patron Eye aspect that Eye,  
That Eye, espoused to the Virgin Sky.  
Art, with a Loover heart preserve that heart,  
That heart, devoted to the heavenly Art.  
Blessings, descend from your Empyreal throne,  
And lend a bounteous ear to suppliant moan.   

Ambrosial springs of clearest influence,  
fountains restorative of cordial bliss,  
Deign Zeal prostrate your tenderest indulgence,  
And sovereignly redress that is amiss.    

L'enuoy.  

Volumes of Thanks, and Praise, your store combine  
In passionatest Hymns, and Psalms divine.    

The Printers Postscript.  
SWeet Gentlemen, having committed the Premises to the Press, and acquainting certain learned and fine men with some other of the commendatory Letters, and Sonnets of M. Thorius, and M. Chewt: there was such an especial liking conceived of two other their writings, that I was finally entreated, or rather overtreated, to give them also their welcome in Print; as not the unfittest lines, that have been published to entertain lazy hours, or to employ drowsy eyes. Sometime in the bravest shows there is little performed: and sometime a poor Publican may work as great a work of Supererogation, as a proud Pharisee. I am not the merest to blaze other men's arms: and they are best furnished to be their own tongues, that can so well plead for themselves, and their friends. I can but recommend their learned exercise, and mine own unlearned labour, to your gentle acceptation.   

To the right worshipful, my very assured friend, M. Doctor Harvey.  
MY silence thus long, good M. Doctor Harvey, was not occasioned either by forgetfulness, or by negligence: but rather for wa●…t both of convenient leisure, and of sufficient argument: being very unwilling to spend time often in writing of unmateriall lines, or to trouble any especial friend with reading them. Yet because amity is maintained by this looving kind of i●…tercourse: & because Custom hath allowed, that Affection induced, to express a careful memory of the continuance of friendship, by writing even upon small, or no occasion: though the Letter were signed with nothing else, but, Sivales, benè est: egovaleo: lest longer silence might cause me to incur just reprehension, and that you may receive some slender token of my often thinking on you: I send you enclosed three Stanza's, though simple in conceit, or other regard, yet were they equal to my good will, they would undoubtedly excel, and should be some way suitable to your right excellent gifts. If they please, or not displease you, and may seem worthy, or not altogether unworthy to serve as foils with my other Sonnets, which you received before, to those much worthier Verses, which you have of much happier Poets, than miselfe: you may therein do your pleasure, whereto only they are consecrated. Thus hoping that you are persuaded of me, as of one affectionately your own to use, and command at your appointment, I leave you with my most hearty, and humble recommendations.  
Oxford: the 3. of August. 1593. Yours always at command, john Thorius.   

Stanza's.  

Among the Greeks', sweet Homer's copious Verse  
Foregoing times to Fame's swift wings commended:  
The Latins, Virgil's noble work rehearse:  
Nor yet in these were ancient praises ended.   

Demosthen's rich style, through Greece was blazed,  
And Tullyes' forcing tongue made Room amazed.   

Our modern Age to equal with the passed,  
The Italian pleasing Muse hath done her best:  
The learned French Pens have themselves surpassed,  
And worthy English wits have banished rest.   

Midst whom, who not emblason Harueys name,  
Wrong him, themselves, and England's growing Fame   

Yielding fond Nash thy glory shalt not stain,  
But rather shalt en●…rease thy praise hereby:  
Thy friends shall know thy judgement not so vain,  
But thou dis●…ernes where true desert doth fly.   

And thy desert by so much shall seem greater,  
By how much thou art known to know thy better.   
john Thorius.  
Sir, such a pathetical Ass have I found deciphred in your most learned and witty Discourse of that po●…re creature, as I know will prove the eternal Memorative of one M. Nash. Yet I by Experience have found more: that it is the nature of a true Ass, (to which Ass peradventure this was dedicated) that a green Fig being handsomely tied to his chaps, he no sooner smelleth it, but he follows his nose so far, that he scapeth fair in uneeven ground, if he breaketh not his neck. And this Note I would not but impart unto you: as a Caveat worthy to be remembered amongst other secrets of that beast. Fordoubtlesse your philosophical Ass will make Alchemy upon it. I pray you dispose of it at your best pleasure. When any other such Memorandum fortunes into my hand, you shall see it: and so in haste recommending you to your better studies, I rest at your service.  
Sir, An: Ch.   

The Ass' Fig.  

So long the Rhennish fury of thy brain,  
Incensed with hot fume of a Stillyard Clime,  
Lowd-lying Na●…h, in liquid terms did rain,  
Full of absurdities, and of slanderous rhyme.   

So much thy Pot-i●…sts in a T apster 〈◊〉,  
(For that's the Q●…intessance of thy 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉)  
Thy tosspot m●…iesty, and thy Fame did rumour,  
In wondrous Ag●…nyes of an Alehouse passion.   

So well thy wydemouthed, or thy Oisterwh●…re phrase  
(Yet-Gentry brags her of thy lousy degree)  
Aptly hath known thine Armoury to blaze  
In terms peculiar unto none but thee.   

So soon slew Pennyworth of thy groser with  
(Yet thou art witty, as a woodcock would be)  
More than autentic all; hath learned to get●…  
Thy Muse entitled, as it truly should be.   

And now so neatly hath thy railing merit  
(I should have said Ram alley meditations)  
Procured applause unto thy Claret spirit,  
And sack-sopt miseries of thy Consutations.   

That now each juy-bush weeps her Tears in 〈◊〉:  
The Fishwives Commonwealth, at●…k For●…orne,  
Moornes in small drink, sharp, single, sour, and stolen:  
And thy long-booted gentry, ragged and torn   

Wails now petitions to the devils good grace:  
Although the last, God knows, got little meed.  
But thow'lt to Hell, when Shifts can have no place,  
Perhaps to Hanging too, when time shall need.   

Yet first wilt ride, rail, rhyme me down to Hell:  
(Oh but beware strange bugg●…s at such a game):  
I have a trick, to teach a Goose to spell  
Himself an Ass, out-off his Ass' name.   
An: Ch.   
FINIS.