APOLLO SHROVING  
COMPOSED for the Scholars of the Free-school of Hadleigh in Suffolk.  
And acted by them on Shrove-Tuesday, being the sixth of February, 1626.  
LONDON, Printed for Robert Mylbourne.   

To my singular honest Stationer, Mr. Robert Mylbourne, at his shop in decimo sexto, by the south door of Paul's.  
AS you are a true Bookseller, you must approve yourself a true Book-restorer: and therefore by book or by crook, see that you send back my Book. And yet not my Book. For it was but a borrowed Book, for which my promise and credit lie in mortgage to the Author, the Schoolmaster of Hadley, who with some difficulty lent it me, having no other copy of this English Lesson which. he prepared for a By-exercise for his scholars at the last carnival. He told me that he huddled it up in haste, and that it being only an essay of his own faculty, and of the activity of his tenderlings, he was loath it should come under any other eye, then of those Parents and domestic friends who favourably beheld it, when it was represented by the children. And therefore, I must be, and am tender of suffering it to wander I know not whither, by the out let of your friend's hand: whom as I know not, so I cannot challenge of any trust; but require restitution of you, as the Author doth of me. So, expecting without delay, the return of this bird into the cage, I end with a threat, that if you fail, you must look to have this Comedy turned into a Tragedy, and, for detaining this book, to have your name set on the back side of my book. Whereto I add yet a deeper curse, that next time you meet with good fellows in Epping Forest, you may not be so happy, as to feed them with nuts in stead of money.  
Yours as you shall deserve the endorsement of this my letter. E. W. From Hadley aforesaid March 21. 1626.   

The aforesaid stationer's answer.  
loving, Challenging, Threatening friend, E. W.  
I pray you extend your love so far to your friend, and your friend's friend, as to think that neither the first will defraud you of your borrowed Book, nor the second expose the Author to any inconvenience. The truth is my friend, upon the sight of this Moral, Scholastical, Theatrical Treatise, protested that the Author should receive much right in being thus wronged; and upon sufficient bond undertook to save me harmless if I made it more public than ever was intended. And withal he armed me with a legal defence, that, if I restored ten sold for the principal, the Author (notwithstanding his modesty) could frame no just quarrel against me or you at the bar of justice or reputation. Accordingly he encouraged me (if Master Schoolmaster of Hadley should school you for promise-breach) to stop his mouth with a dozen of chicken hatched under his own hen.  
I pray you therefore in stead of his own single written copy, copy him with this packet of his own mettle stamped and multiplied by the Printers Alchemy.  
The worst I hear, is, that he will complain to Apollo of me that I have proclaimed abroad his private Shroving. For which I have a defence from the Authors own pen, that Apollo's solemn visitation begins with Proclamation. Act. 1. Scen. ultima And, I trow Proclamations are intended to fly abroad in print. So in hope that I shall receive, if not thanks, yet pardon from him. I rather take, then beg, leave to remain still  
Yours no less by this, R. M. London, April, 25. 1627. From the smell volume of my shop, where the south wind blows into Paul's.   

Apollo Shroving.  
Composed for the Scholars of the Free-school of Hadleigh in Suffolk. And acted by them on Shrove-Tuesday, being the 6. of February, 1626.  


The Introduction.  PRologus a young Scholar 
joseph Beamont.  Lala a woman spectator. 
Nicholas Coleman.   

Dramatis personae.  Musaeus, Apollo's Priest & judge. 
Nicholas Coleman.  Clio a Muse, his assistant. 
Denner Strutt.  Euterpe a Muse, another assistant. 
William Richardson.  Lawriger his Verger. 
Samuel Cricke.  Drudo his Book-bearer. 
George Richardson.  Preco the Crier. 
Philip Beamont.  Thuriger the Sexton of Apollo's Temple. 
William Cardinal.  Scopas the sexton's boy. 
james Stutfield.  Philoponus a diligent student. 
john Bower.  Amphibius a perplexed scholar. 
George Living.  Novice a young fresh scholar. 
Henry Whiting.  Rowland Retro an hasty non-proficient. 
Henry Cock.  Geron an old man, his mournful father. 
john Coleman.  Ludio a truantly schoolboy. 
Henry Meriton.  Siren a sea nymph, messenger from Queen Hedone. 
Wentworth Randall.  Captain Compliment a teacher of gestures and fashions. 
john Kidby.  Jack implement his Page. 
joseph Beamont.  Miss Indulgence Gingle, a cockering Mother. 
George Meriton.  John Gingler son a disciple of Captain: Compliments. 
john Gale.  Jug Rubbish maidservant to Mistress Gingle. 
Edward Andrew's.  Slim Slug, a lazy drone. 
john Kidby.  Epilogue. 
joseph Beamont.    
Prologue. 
SI quisquam est, qui placere se studeat bonis Quam plurimis, et minime multos laedere, In his pocta hic nomen profitetur suum.  Lala. 
What? shall we have Latin again? Master Prologue youngster. I pRay you go to the University, and set up your Stage there.  Prol. 
What, Mistress Lala Spinster? content yourself, I now repeat that which is past, I do not represent that which is present.  Lala. 
I pray you then tell us so much in honest English.  Prol 
I will, for your sake.  Lala. 
For mine? nay, for every she,  
Whom here you see:  
And for our honest neighbours, many a good man that never  
Was infected with this raving latin ever.  Prol. 
Keep silence, thou particoloured chattering Mappy.  Lala. 
Then speak sense, thou jabbering all-black jackdaw, with a green coxcomb.  Prol. 
Good men, good wives, good friends, good maids, good boys.  Lala. 
I marry, this tastes for my stomach, I'm in the number of the fourth rank.  Prol. 
Who meet, to see, and hear our childish toys.  Lala. 
Well said, such easy drops sink well into our brains.  Prol. 
Of late ye know, if ye have not mistook us.  Lala. 
I do not mistake you now, you take us very well with your plain dealing English Poetry.  Prol. 
we acted Comic Terence his Eunuchus.  He displays the outer end of the Banner wherein is the name of Eunuchus. Lala. 
Eunuchus! Out upon him, and thee too, and all of his kin. I have heard my brother say, that this same Eunuchus is a man and no man,  
The very scorn and hate of women.  
I'll be sure, I'll hang, draw and quarter him; and for my part, sir Prologue, She tears the paper.  
I had rather ye should beat us,  
Then thus defeat us,  
Rebuke us,  
Then Eunuch us.  Prol. 
For my part dame Lall, I do but act my part, you must not interrupt me.  Lala. 
I will not corrupt you, unless you name that hateful bilding Jade. O what a queam he hath cast over my stomach with that filthy word.  Prol. 
But now we condescend with mild audacity,  
In vulgar language unto low capacity.  Lala. 
See you hold on your vulgar tongue, and bring not hither your latin vulgars, and lessons which you have chanced in the school.  Prol. 
We come not with old worn common Thais,  
by trade the sister of Corinthian Lais.  Prol. 
Lais? Thais? Walk where your way is,  
And tell us what this Play is.  Prol. 
Nor Parmeno, nor scolding Pythias.  Lala. 
Thou pithless ass, dost thou tell us of scolding?  Prol. 
This wasp had almost put me out. Out with her.  
But in a nearer circle now we walk,  
Where with ourselves, and of ourselves we talk.  
Our School imagine here new built and dight,  
This Scene our forms, our day this candle light.  Lala. 
Sir Prologue, I fear thou talk'st English extrumpery besides thy part, only to beguile me, I doubt there is Latin in his budget.  Prol. 
I avow to thee, jealous Lala, that this same scholar's feast is dressed in English.  Lala. 
I dare not trust you, for you say you are here in the school. And you scholars must not speak English in the school.  Prol. 
We are not now at our task, but we have leave to play, and we play at our best game.  Lala. 
What? Blow point? or Span-counter? or trap out may hap?  
Take heed you grow not Out.  Prol. 
No Tomboy, no. Nor scourge-top, nor truss, nor Leap frog, nor Nine holes, nor Mumble the peg: But a more Noble recreation, where we have more lookers on, than gamesters.  He displays the Rowle upon his staff. Lala. 
What play call you it?  Prol. 
Take out thy fescue, and spell here, in this one-leafed book. Tell the stitches in this samples of black and white.  Lala. 
A. P. ap.  Prol. 
A. P. ap? Thou fumbling Ape. A. per se, A. P. O. L. pol.  Lala. 
A. per se, A. P. O. L. pol, L. O. lo. Apollo. On my maidenhead this is Latin. We shall be choked with a doggerel Latin Play for all this.  Prol. 
I tell thee, this is Greek, Latin, and English too.  Lala. 
This Apollo is he an English man? I'll deal with none but my own Countrymen. I wont have to do, so I wont, with these outlandish people that speak gibberish.  Prol. 
It is a proper name, it signifies the Lord and Master of the Muses. His Throne and Court here represented is the shop and staple of learning.  Lala. 
A proper name? As you are a proper man, let none but English wares be sold in this shop, or else you have no customer of me.  Prol. 
Nay, read on what follows.  Lala. 
S. H. R. O. shro. I'll none of this. What, do you call us shroves?  Prol. 
Thou art not worthy to go a shroving, that canst not spell it.  Lala. 
V I. N. G. ving, shroving I'm glad of that. Now I like this Apollo well: he'll go a gossiping with us. does Apollo come a shroving to us, or shall we go a shroving to him?  Prol. 
All which we on this Stage shall act or say,  
Doth solemnize Apollo's shroving day.  
Whilst thus we greet you by our words and pens,  
Our sorrowing bodeth death to none, but hens.  Lala. 
Pens? hens? methinks the feathers of hens should not make good pens. I do not like the death of hens. As I'm a true housewife, I wondered what made our hen roost so empty, and see the scholars have gotten them.  Prol. 
I prithee, hold thy peace, thou goest beyond thine office, thou'lt have the first word and the last too, thou show'st thyself to be a true Lala.  
But whilst I chat with her, the time grows late, I'll six this banner at Apollo's gate. Exit.  Lala. 
As I'm a true woman, I'll trust you slippery scholars no further than I see you. I wont away, till I taste of the first dish of Apollo's shroving seast, and know whether it was an English Cook that dressed it.  Enter Philoponus. She sits down. 
I see a black coat come in, I'll know whether he be a true Britain.   


Actus Primus. Scena prima.  Phil. 
Ecce vigil nitido patefeci ab ortu  
Purpureas aurora fores, et plena rosarum  
Atria. Dissugiunt stellae, quarum agmina cogit  
Lucifer, & coeli statione novissimus exit.  
jungere equos Titan velocibus imperat beris.  Lala. 
I can hold no longer. False play. I bar your dice. Body o'me, I thought how we should be served.  Phil. 
What bold Nymph is this, that durst intrude amongst the Muses?  Lala. 
O'my life, this is no English. My Mother never spoke it. I proclaim to all of my sex, they have leave to depart. I'd rather spin at home, then hear these Barbarians spout Latin, Unless we had some kind scholar to tell us what they say. What a foppery is this, that we must laugh for company, and then ask what we laugh at.  Phil. 
Ignorant suspicious soul, be content, I will be thine Interpreter.  Lala. 
If you do not interpret to me, I'll make you plum the play, you shan't be able to go on your part.  Phil. 
Then so.  
Now 'gins the fair dew dabbling blushing morn  
To open to the earth heavens Eastern gate,  
Displaying by degrees the new borne light.  
The stars have traced their dance, and unto night  
Now bid good night.  
The young day's sentinel the morning star  
Now drives before him all his glittering flock,  
And bids them rest within the fold unseen  
Till with his whistle Hesper call them forth.  
Now Titan up and ready calls aloud,  
And bids the rolling hours bestir them quick  
And harness up his prancing foaming steeds  
To hurry out the sun's bright Chariot.  
O now I hear their trampling feet approach:  
Now now I see that glorious lamp to dart  
His nearer beams, and all bepaint with gold  
The over peeping tops of highest hills.  Lala. 
Trust you upon your word? Did not you promise to interpret? here's linsey-woolsey fustian, where every English thread is overcast with a thick woollen woof of strange words, which have so deep a nap, that the plain ground cannot be seen. I pray you what have you said all this while?  Phil. 
I have said but one word, Lucescit, It is morning.  Lala. 
And could you not have told me that in one word, by bidding me good morrow?  Phil. 
I give no morrow unto thee, but to the Muses, and myself.  Lala. 
I have as good part it h day light, as the best mincing Muse o' them all.  Phil. 
Welcome fair light, most welcome unto me, When these thy beams reflect upon my book.  Lala. 
Now I understand you better. I hope he'll mend.  Phil. 
O how it joys my watchful eyes and heart, To crop the first fruits of the virgin morn.  Lal. 
Crop the first fruits of Virgins? I'll take heed of him.  Phil. 
And spend that precious stock of common light  
Upon this author's lines, and such bookware.  
The morning is the Muses gainest friend.  Lala. 
Surely this scholar loves to come first to school.  Phil. 
O how my blood doth warmly sweetly thrill,  
My senses lulled, my heart enwrapped with joy,  
To see these plains, this fair two-headed hill,  
Those bowers, these towers, those winding banks,  
These shady laurels, and that Temple gate  
The seat, the throne, the nest, the rest, the school  
Of great Apollo, and his darlings nine.  Lala. 
Well, I see now it will be English. It shall go hard but I'll get a part amongst them. I'll into the tiring house, and scamble and wrangle for a man's part. Why should not women act men, as well as boys' act women? I will wear the breeches, so I will. Exit.   

Actus primus. Scena secunda.  Philoponus solus: Phil. 
NO Court of King, no Palace stately rich,  
Though proud of marble feet & guilded head  
Can outbid these for true and sweet content.  
Let others grovel and embrace the earth,  
(The earth the whole world's basest sediment)  
Let them there dig their mother's bowels out,  
And thence take gold (the earth's worst excrement)  
Let muddy minds board up, and hug, and hid,  
And sit upon the eggs of avarice:  
Thence hatching vipers of their stinging cares.  
Let others sell their lives away in sport,  
Or play the Parasites in fickle Court.  
Let others swell with greatness, burst with pride.  
And others lusk and snort in lazy sleep,  
Or drench and soak themselves in Bacchus' suds,  
Or wallow in the mire of pleasures lewd:  
These seats, these bowers, are to Philoponus  
True pleasure, riches, honour, kingdom, rest.  
But now fair Phoebus with his rising rays  
Strikes on his own bright Temples battlements,  
The watchword for the daily sacrifice.  
The suns first heat, that warms this temples top,  
Calls for the Altar to be warm below.  
Now now Musaeus his observant Priest  
With other servitors bestir them quick  
To feed that never-ceasing sacred fire.  
My part must be in that devotion,  
To take from thence a blessing for the day.  
Our actions hence have their prosperity,  
By timely worshipping the deity.   

Actus primus. Scena tertia.  Amphibius solus. Amph. 
WHat is he gone? I so. He keeps out wonted time, and now is well employed in doing sacred homage to Apollo. There lays he the foundation of his studious diligence. There sore he misses me, and says unto himself. Where is my Amphibius? Why keeps he not his accustomed hour? What, shall I after Philoponus into the temple? 'Tis with the latest now. And (to confess the truth) alas I dare not there appear to present myself before Apollo's Altar. Nor have I now the boldness to look my dear Philoponus in the face. His settled countenance and grave gesture give a cheek unto my levity. His very silence reads unto me a lecture of reprehension. My passions so deep enthralled another way, bid me now rather to withdraw from such society, and hide myself in shades and groves, and solitude.  
Alas Amphibius, though having tided himself to the mast of safety by the bonds of temperance, yet breaketh loose, and leaps into the sea of danger. Alas he cannot hold. This Sirens song is so attractive. I yield, I come And yet how can I? shall I run away from the worthy trade whereto I am bound apprentice? My name is enrolled in Apollo's register, and shall I raze it out, and be reckoned among the fugitives and renegadoes? Not so. And yet and yet it will be so. O how my very book seems now a burden unto me, and that which heretofore did elevate my soul, and give it wings to fly aloft, sweet contemplation of nature and of arts, that now alas lays on me the heavy load of upbraiding, I fly, I fly, I haste into thee by ways of these thickest groves  
What dark some cave will give me shelter, and hide me from the light of mortal eyes, and of the immortal eye of this world the all-viewing Phoebus.  Exit in lucum.  

Actus primus. Scena quarta.  Philoponus solus. Phil. 
ANd now methinks my spirits lighter are,  
My soul more clear, my wits more active far  
Since I received from grave Musaeus' hand  
Apollo's benediction for this day.  
But where is my Amphibius? he promised to overtake me at this morning sacrifice. I hasted not, I did protract till Phoebus (whose swift Chariot no hand can stay) by his visible messenger called for our common duty and devotion.  
What will he thus leave me alone? And yet even thus alone I am not. Nunquam minus solus quam cum solus. My books and meditations are my companions, that never fail me. With me they walk and talk, with them I rest at home: and other while when I travel abroad and converse with contemplation, how short and easy are the ways? yea, and how safe too? I can fear no the eves: the Muses are my guard. And in very truth, what can the eves rob me of? My purse is light, and so my heart. My true riches treasured up in the cabinet of this breast, no lurching hand by stealth, no robbing rover by force can seize upon. My Father hath no land to leave me. I think his mean estate is the better means of my happiness. This education which he affords me, I take for a more goodly and durable inheritance, then if he could have left me thousands of stocks and acres, without any bringing up in quality other than the gentle vanities of the times.  
I envy not our spruce gallant Jingle, that now forsooth scorns to be our schoolfellow any longer. Our sable robe is too homely for such gaudy butterflies.  
But ho Philoponus whither dost thou range? These flies not worth the gazing on would seduce me out of my way. Away ye fluttering moths that fain would eat holes in the muse's robes.  
Come wise Philosophers, come soul-plying Orators. Nay to you I come; ye are my home, the true centre whereon my circling thoughts do rest. O mellifluous Tully. O streaming overflowing Ovid. O Majestic Virgil. Grave Quintilian. Sententious Isocrates. Virtuous Seneca Plentiful Plutarch. Profound Aristotle. Divine Plato. My solace, my guides, my instructers. O how your words distil into my thirsting soul, like to immortalising Nectar.  
Where left we last, sweet numbersome Isocrates?  
O here, where thy lamp burneth bright.  
{non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman}. Isocrat ad Demonic.  
This rule he delivers, Think not to walk unseen when thou goest about any wickedness. For, though no man over-spy thee, thine own conscience keeps watch over thee. O the divine power of unbred conscience? Suitable to this is that of Seneca. Quid prodest non habere conscium habenti conscientiam? When Amphibius and I discoursed on this point at our private reading of Seneca, I remember how affectionately he would take the book into his bosom, and hug it, and protest that this one sentence is able to make us honest men. I will seek him out, that we may mutually kindle the sparks of conscience in our breasts, Exit.   

Actus primus. Scena quinta,  Lawriger, Drudo, Praeco. Lau. 
COme away, come away.  
Now clearly shines our shroving day.  
Now are we fresher then in May,  
Come, come away, our work is play.  Drud. 
Apollo's solemn shroving feast,  
inviteth all from cast to west:  
Come away, come make no slay,  
No muse's friend can say us nay.  Laur. 
Apollo's yearly visitation  
You know begins with Proclamation,  
Come mouthing Praeco, clear thy threat,  
And chant the law in twanging note.  Preco. 
O yez.  Dru. 
He may cry O yez till his belly burst. But, for aught I see, here's nobody to hear him.  Laur. 
nobody? That's none of our fault. All may come if they will, Apollo keeps open sessions. Look Praeco, canst thou see no audience?  Preco. 
Nor man, nor mouse.  Dru. 
If I see anybody, I would I were the muse's Tankard-bearer.  Laur. 
That's a punishment would no near to beggar you. For I am sure you would be licking up the Castalian drops that fall from the muse's tankard, and that would make you turn rhyming Poet.  Drud. 
I wish I had no better fortune, than to be a pretty water Poet with a high forehead like I. T. that acts the swan by the banks of Thames in England. I cursed myself happily.  Preco. 
What is that acting the swan?  Drud. 
I mean the swans, or goose's broad paddle feet, the natural prime pattern of the artificial oar.  Laur. 
O que, I have him. He means the easy smooth voluminous untaught Poet, that will row you over the Thames in rhyme, every stroke of his oar cuts out the capering feet of his verses.  Drud. 
Would we had him in Parnassus. He would stroke our Mistresses the Muses gently with his oar, and make their worships very merry, with his paper Wherry.  Laur. 
Paper Wherry? you mean by a metaphor, that his papers and verses carry a man's attention as smooth as a wherry.  Drud. 
No, I mean his sailing in a Paper Boat, and poetising upon that and other his own adventures.  Laur. 
He shall have my voice to be admitted into the third form of the usher's part in Parnassus' school, if he will lay his claim for it in solemn session.  Preco. 
I'll register his name with a witness,  
If he bring evidence of his fitness.  Laur. 
This Poetical Boat hath made us sail out of our way. Drudo look down there between the Temple and the hill, see if you spy anybody. And you Praeco, put on you spectacles, and look into the Grove.  Drud. 
Neither bird nor feather.  Preco. 
Neither fish nor fin.  Laur. 
We shall forfeit our liberties, if we can get no audience to listen to our Proclamation. Praeco, up that bank, nay mount up that tree.  Dru. 
It is more wholesome mounting that one tree, than some other three trees, compact in a Greek Pee.  Laur. 
Seest thou anybody now?  Preco. 
Abundance. O multitude! O variety!  Laur. 
What be they? discover them to us.  Preco. 
Men. boys.  Laur. 
Who else?  Preco. 
Item there be others, shall I discover them too?  Laur. 
Why not?  Preco. 
I am too bashful to uncover them. They are women.  Laur. 
On prattling Preco.  Preco. 
Men, women, young, old, black, white, blue, sitting, standing, looking, laughing.  Drud. 
Whence thinkest thou come they, and what would they?  Laur. 
No doubt they come a shroving to Apollo. If the Muses have not provided for their palate, what shall we do?  Drud. 
It is hard to dress a shroving dish to please so many several tastes. They must be content to take such as they find or bring, like good gossips.  Laur. 
Well sir Preco, for the first service, let them hear the Proclamation. Begin.  Preco. 
O yez, O yez, O yez.  Laur. 
All manner of scholars and students  Preco. 
All manner of scholars and students  Laur. 
With their Retainers  Preco. 
With their Retainers and appurtenances that hold or pretend to hold‑ in Capite‑ any learning, art or science‑ of the grand Lord our sovereign Apollo‑ or of the mean Land. Lady's‑ the nine sister Muses‑ or of any of them‑ Let them appear this day in the afternoon‑ at the great laurel on the western top of Parnassus‑ there to do their homage suit and service‑ and to give account to our said Lord Apollo‑ or to his high steward Muss us‑ of the expense of their time‑ in their several trades‑ and mysteries‑ of the Muses‑ also there and then‑ upon the oath of homagers‑ strict inquiry and search is to be made‑ concerning all encroachments‑ intrusions‑ and Nuisances‑ done or suffered to be done‑ upon the inheritance‑ rites and royalties‑ pertaining to the manner of Parnassus‑ All that will accuse, shall be heard‑ and all that will answer‑ shall have liberty‑ of defence‑ by themselves‑ or by their counsel‑ learned in the muse's laws.  
Keep Apollo's peace, and then he end the Muses prosper you.  Laur. 
Come down now Praeco from your chair of stare, and walk with us mortals here below.  Drud. 
lauriger think you that any of those, whom Praeco overviewed, will lay in any action at Apollo's Court today?  Laur. 
Why not? perhaps some of them hold for life some paper Tenement belonging to Apollo's manor. And thereupon may crave admittance to it Others upon their experience may inform Apollo's jury what waste hath been made of the trees in Parnassus grove with cropping off laurel garlands to adorn the light head of every ballad belching Poet. Or what dilapidations have in process of time grown upon the muse's cells. So that Boreas whistles everloud in their ears when they are retired to contemplation.  Drud. 
These and all other informations shall be surely heard. We know that is our Lord Apollo's express mandate.  Laur. 
Now return we up the Mount, and acquaint Musaeus what we have done. Exeunt.    


Actus secundus. Scena prima.  Compliment, Implement, Novice. Imp. 
REnowned Father of fashions, Count of courtesies, marquess of modern motions, Duke of debonair deportments, Chief justice of gesticulations.  Comp. 
Go on with the Alphabet of my Titles. controller.  Imp. 
I have it, controller of congees, Compactor of Cringes, Fea● Framer of fustian phrases.  Nou. 
O wonderful: this is a brave man. we have no such dainty words in our school.  Imp. 
Dainty? I tell thee, Novice, we have store of this plumporridge at our house every day. (little else.)  Comp. 
Sirrah, you forget the Titles given me by the great mogul, when I went Ambassador to him from the King of Calecut, a golden trumpet sounded them in the Persian language.  Imp. 
That trumpet could speak Persian well, I can hardly hit upon them in the original. Varletto, polmone, manigoldo.  Comp. 
You mask unknown, unseen. Descend I say to the apprehension of the base vulgar. Give us them in translation.  Imp. 
Indoctrinate of young Nobility. Accomplisher of king's Courts, chief engineer of cap and knee. clock-keeper of nod and shrugge, and finally, engrosser of all unsailable, available addresses, garbs, faces, graces in all places.  Nou 
Yet gooder and gooder. O admirable! This man is for us to the heavens.  Comp. 
It is well, somewhat toward the superlative of my worth and profession But Imp. I like not that word finally. When you rehearse me before the Lady Muses, they will think we are at the wall, that thou hast told all my virtues, and offices. I tell thee, not thou, nor the loud long tongue blab fame, can give the inventory of my perfections. Thinkest thou with the small wherry boat of thy short memory, to arrive at the Terra incognita of the virtues and endowments of mighty Captain Compliment?  Nou. 
O eloquence. I see now that Tully and Ovid are but coarse ware.  Imp. 
I tell thee, and thou shalt find, that tittle tattle Tully is but brown bread, if he be laid near our Marchpane.  Comp. 
Ergo therefore my nimble Imp. take away that padlock finally, and in stead of the aforesaid, add to the fag end of my Catalogue, that endless chain which the vulgar Grammarians call et caetera.  Imp. 
Indeed Master I have heard you say, that you would have your title like the great Western monarch's title, with a long tail behind it.  Comp. 
True: And therefore you know, the motto which I subscribe in banner is plus vltra.  Nou. 
My sweet friend, Master Implement, you told me that you would speak—  Imp. 
I marry, and so I do.  Nou. 
For me to the mighty man. All you have yet said to him, is but in the vocative case. And that case makes no sentence, as I have learned when I was in the second form. You know I gave you.  Imp. 
What did you give me? Nothing but a dozen of rotten silk points. You must tag them better ere I the up your request.  Nou. 
I le steal my mother's Peacock, and bring it you.  Imp. 
A Peacock? That's well. You may make us latter by it; but you cannot make us prouder.  Comp. 
What talk you of a Peacock?  Imp. 
Sir, this young gentleman presents you with a Peacock. It has a tail. he has a small request to your worship.  Nou. 
I dare as well he hanged as steal the Peacock. My mother loves it so well, and feeds it every day, and pricks the feathers of it in her sanne.  Comp. 
Where is this Peacock?  Nou. 
What shall I dee? I have none.  Imp. 
I mistook a Peacock for a Woodcock.  Nou. 
I have never a Woodcock neither.  Imp. 
Sir he would fain present you with a Woodcock every day. His suit is to be your scholar for an hour in a day. He would dedicate himself to fine fashions and quaint quallicoms.  Comp. 
What Nobility? What achievements embolden him to obtrude upon us with such a request? An hour in a day? I tell thee, young chicken, great Princes have not made such a motion unto me without an Ambassador, and a present of a gold chain, or diamond ring, or some such trifle.  Nou. 
Woe's me! Alas. I have no hope now, I think I must e'en return to my old trade again, & repeat In noua sert animus, and Tityre tu patulae. O sweet Imp. be my faithful Implement to your Master. I'll do any thing for thee, or for any of thy kin.  Imp. 
Will you steal me your father's dagger with the silver haste?  Nou. 
And my mother's silver bodkin too.  Imp. 
They shall prick forward thy cause. I gallop to save thy life. I will beg a pardon for thee of this judge. Relent heroic spirit, relent. For my sake entertain Master Novice into your school.  Comp. 
Thou knowest our school is thronged. My hands are full. The truth is, my virtuous faculty, joined with a strange dexterity, is so attractive, that I have scholars come flocking unto me, not only from the Theater and Venus' Court, but also from Apollo's seminary. I swell, I swell with the stuffings of the Grammar brood.  Imp 
I am one of those that lest the fescue trade, to page it thus in state.  Comp. 
Nay, Logic and Philosophy doth often break up shop, and come to set up at my stall.  Imp. 
Indeed Master of late we have had very good doings. The Usher of our school has had for fees of young gentlemen at their entrance, above an hundred crowns within this 12. months, besides his yearly stipend.  Nou 
I'll beg hard, but I'll get a crown of my Mother, and twelve pence for thee honest Iacke Implement.  Comp. 
As for money for stipend or entrance, I do not much stand upon it, neither would I take any, but that I will not embase my faculty?.  Imp. 
Indeed Master, if you should not take some fair see, the gentlemen would not think it such a reputation to be your prentices.  Comp. 
Truly the more cost, the more worship. A wise saying. Write you that in your table book Master Novice upon my authority.  Imp. 
And their Parents would scorn our ware, and say it were like stinking fish it hend of a market.  Nou. 
Again for me good Imp.  Imp. 
I pray you sir let him be admitted. he'll be content to stand next the door of our school. I warrant you sir, he'll be fed fat for a whole year, with two or three of the easiest plain tricks, of circling the hat, or the gambrel i'th' hams, the man i'th' toe, and the gridiron i'th' forehead. he'll be pleased with these till he can come to higher points of the Retort, the rebuff, the Catastrophe, the Antistropho.  Comp. 
I could be content to enrol him in our petty form, but that I doubt some exceptions will be taken at the confluence of so many of that tribe, to our part. Master Philoponus a sour stoical scholar, told me to my teeth, that Apollo should be complained unto, and I accused of robbery, for stealing away his best hopes.  Imp. 
Sir, I see no reason but you may entertain him as well as another. One stone more will not make the boat sink.  
One kernel more put in the sack  
Will not break the Mrs' back.  Nou. 
Good sir consider of me. Though I be not borne to so much land as master Gingle my form-fellow, yet I shall learn by tricks as well as he. There is Mumble and Tristram, Trump, and Jobbart, and nimble Nichol. I see not, but I may leave the satchel as well as they, and turn fine gentleman.  Imp. 
Indeed they have profited very well with us. For they have torn out the leaves of all their books to light tobacco pipes, and they can infume, & effame, and resume with gentle postures Master Nimble can at one time, and with one hand put off his hat with his right hand in due circumference, and brandish a battoon in's left hand, and suck a fuming tobacco pipe in's mouth without any hand, all at once.  Comp. 
They say the old grey beard Mus●us sets up inquisition, and ●at Apollo keeps Court today. My sweet Siren sent me word this morning, that I know not how many of us should be indicted for encroaching upon Apollo's liberties.  Nou. 
Indeed sir, an't please you, this Philoponus is the best scholar among us, but he is but a tell tale. There can't one of us play the truant, or run away from school for recreation, or so, but presently he tells Musaeus of it. But I care nor, I had rather stick to you, and show Apollo a fair pair of heels.  Imp. 
He that sticks to us must bring some glue: And money is a binder.  Comp. 
Imp. are these young man's friends rich? Will they lard us with a fat pension?  Imp. 
His father's but a plain Farmer; but he's called the rich Chuff●. He keeps three ploughs, and fourteen yoke of Oxen.  Comp. 
But will his Oxen give down their milk?  Imp. 
Faith his mother will stroke hard for it. she is a gentlewoman o'th' left side. I have heard her say, that she would like her son better in a scarce and ruffled boots, then in a gown with a fardel of books.  Comp. 
Well said, enough. You young man. My servant hath entreated hard for you. I am content to entertain you upon probation.  Nou. 
I am overjoyed, overjoyed.  Comp. 
overjoyed? What a plain packstaff phrase is that? you must sublimate your joy in triumph thus. Hold me down lest I hit my head against a cloud.  Nou. 
Hold me down lest I hit my head against a cloud. O what a brave world is this, all made of oatmeal: I'm now in the way of preferment and gallantry. I'll presently run to my mother for some cash for my entrance. I'm all now for masks, revels, Courtship. Poor Apollo farewell. Exit.  Comp. 
Sirrah Imp. I honour thee with thanks, a whole bushel, heap measure.  Imp. 
ay, with such light come and husks am I said.  Comp. 
I enrich thee with thanks. Thou hast brought a pretty fat fowl to our net.  Imp. 
We shall make him a flat fool.  Comp. 
Is not the hour come appointed by me to give access and interview to Sir Orgolio?  Imp. 
Yes sir, the sun and clock says so. (And my clock tells me it is breakfast time. If I could tell where to lunch.)  Comp 
Why then Vamos. I set my legs in due array, and march on foot down to the plain.  Imp. 
So you had need. For all your horses have ten toes. Exeunt.   

Actus secundus. Scene secunda.  Amphibius solus. 
OR this, or that. This is my duty. So. And though so, yet why not rather that? I o that mine inclination draws me. O strange Monster, worse than ever nature did bring forth. A man in whom the light of reason shines, to walk in the cloudy night of tempestuous passions, to live at once in two contrary elements. Glorious Apollo I fain would still remain chine. And yet. And yet sweet Hedone, I cannot divorce myself from thee.   

Actus secundus. Scena tertia.  Philoponus. Amphibius. Phil. 
PArnassus plains. I he banks of Hippocrene, The laurel grove, all walked, all searched by me: and yet I find him not. O here not hoped, yet now found. Found? Is this he? Is this my Amphibius? Where art thou? Who art thou? Look up and show thy friendly brow. I Hope no distaste estrangeth thee from thy Philoponus. What have we here: The walking ghost of Amphibius? Where is his soul, his life, his look, his speech?  Amp. 
A wandering soul.  Phil. 
Wandering? I know no by way can call thee off from me. These groves, these banks, and shades, O how oft have they been companions and witnesses of our friendship, and discourses of earth, of sea, of stars, of spheres, of motions, of rest, of beasts, of plants, of all Dame natures works, and wondrous art, by which this All stands thus composed, and framed in most exact proportion. Awake I say, the Muses call us to our task.  Amp. 
Worthy Philoponus. I love thee. I admire tho●. I envy thee.  Phil. 
I know thou canst not envy me. Thy heart is so generous, and my worth so mean, thou lovest me I know, for the parity of our dispositions and studies.  Amp 
Would I were like thee now, as heretofore I have been, then should I not be thus dashed with shame.  Phil. 
What Amphibius, you are always modest. Hic virtutis colour. Blushing is virtues scarlet robe.  Amp. 
Alas, I am now like a cropped flower, which fades and hangs the head, I am pulled from the stalk on which I grew.  Phil. 
What blast hath thunder-stricken thee? Whence art thou fallen?  Amp. 
I must untwist.  Phil 
I hope, not from our bond of friendship.  Amp. 
No: but from my bond of service to Apollo.  Phil. 
Thou from Apollo? First may the stars be plucked from heaven. Why but how?  Amp 
In a word, I am turned soldier.  Phil. 
Soldier? Which of the furies plucked thee from our wonted peace and quiet in Apollo's service, now to pitch thy tent in Mars's field?  Amp. 
O how the drums and trumpets sound alarum. What strokes, what shrieks, what fierce encounters, wounds and deaths!  Phil. 
O Tragedy! What Scene is this? On what Stage dost thou tread?  Amp. 
Alarm, alarm, to war. I fight, I fight.  Phil. 
With whom?  Amp. 
I must maintain the quarrel on both sides.  Phil. 
Both sides? Who are the Combatants?  Amp. 
Amphibius, and Amphibius. Never till now a true Amphibius As I am▪ Apollo's and thine. I walk and march with thee, I fight under the muse's colours against ignorance, idleness and voluptuousness. But as I am another self, my left side walks another way. O force. O compulsion. I yield.  Phil. 
What force compels?  Amp. 
Fatis agimur, cedite fatis.  
The destinies are powerful. If the fates say I, who dares say no?  Phil. 
Our fates? Speak right, and say, our faults. They overrule and overturn us, when we are willing to be conquered, and then to colour our follies, we put on the mask of tragic exclamation upon our stars, our fates, our cross inexorable adamantine destinies.  Amp. 
Far easier is it to mock my misery then to cure it.  Phil. 
Cure it? I will cure it. Let me feel thy pulse. O what boiling and beating waves of passion! W● thou calm them?  Amp. 
O could I! or couldst thou my Esculapius?  Phil. 
Recipe a Biletto or tailor's bodkin; make but one eyelet hole under the left pap, three inches deep: your blood would be cooled; and you shall fall into a sweet sleep, and presently be transported into the Elysian fields. Probatum est.  Amp. 
Facile est miserum irridere.  Phil. 
Not I, but— you fate mongers teach you this. But in earnest I advise thee thus. Give over parling and combating: blow away your enemy out of the field with one blast. One word will do it.  Amp. 
What potent charm is that? I pray you teach it me.  Phil. 
Only this stoutly said Nolo.  Amp. 
Oft have I thought and said it, but another word crowds in withal, and makes a counter charm. Volo.  Phil. 
What? do you blow hot and cold at once, at once will and nill?  Amp. 
Vos testor omnes Calites, hoc quod volo, Me not.  Phil. 
O Sir, do you think Medea a fit pattern for you? Have you no better a Mistress to instruct your wavering soul, then monstrous Medea?  Amp. 
Yes, another Mistress overawes me, more powerful than that Enchantress.  Phil. 
overawes? O faint fondling, not worthy to march under the muse's banner, whose Escutcheon is Virtue Argent, crowned Or. And the two supporters, winged Victory, and winged all-eyed, all-eared, all-tongued Fame.  Amp. 
When this all-conquering Queen, sends forth her mandates, alas virtue melts into an aerial contemplation, and fame vanisheth into an empty sound.  Phil. 
What mandates other than usurped Tyranny? What conquests other than by voluntary yielding to false allurements?  Amp. 
O valiant Sir, can I, can you, can any mortal wight stand out and rebel when he is apprehended by this queen's writ?  Phil. 
What writ? what arrest? you need not obey it. At lest you might lurk and withdraw yourself, and make them return a Non est iuventus:  Amp. 
O but these arrests do not so much command by authority, as convince & persuade by argument and reason.  Phil. 
Reason? what other reason then vt cum ratione insanias, that you may be reasonably raving mad?  Amp. 
Tu si hic esses, aliter sentires, the case would be altered, and you would plead as hard on my side.  Phil. 
Then let all the nine Muses hiss at me, and banish me out of Apollo's school.  Amp. 
The Muses? Apollo's school? I tell you the arguments by which I am convinced, are translated out of the Records of the Muses, and cite everywhere Apollo's Parliaments.  Phil. 
What are these forged patches which plead their workmanship from the muse's looms? Have you been weaving them in your sequestered studies?  Amp. 
Alas not mine, but on higher hand hath spun and twisted them. The Queen herself vouchsafed with her own wit and hand to compose this sovereign Nepenthe to embalm my soul in most desirable content. Queen Hedone herself wrote this large mellifluous letter to me, poor me. I thought she had not known me: but (O generous sweet graciousness) to this mean neglected Amphibius, she (that high and mighty sovereign of delights) sent this amiable garland of choicest flowers, culled by her own delicious hand; that hand, which the chiefest Poets labour to paint cut, and the highest gods affect to kiss.  Phil. 
O how poetical you are grown, and fantastical? I think that paper hath infected you. But by what hand was it conveyed to you?  Amp. 
By whom, but by her worthy maid of honour Dame Siren, whose voice with one warble can thaw the most frozen affections  Phil. 
Nay then I perceive he is handsomely caught.  Amp. 
I pray you view these lives. You will confess they are strong lines.  Phil. 
I have heard of strong lines, admitted by weak judgements, and derided by the judicious.  Amp. 
I pray you read. Else you rob me of my defence, and yourself of care pleasing▪ soul-conquering suavity!  Phil. 
To my not so dear, as worthy to be far dearer, Amphibius the flower of youth—  Amp. 
(Meaning me.)  Phil. 
Honour and envy of his rank.—  Amp. 
(Meaning me, very good still)  Phil. 
Accomplisher of virtues—  Amp. 
(O complete!)  Phil. 
In nothing wanting, but that he is indebted,—  Amp. 
(Yet she does not arrest me for money debt, No)  Phil. 
Indebted to himself, in infinite sums of most currant delights, over churlishly neglected by him.  Amp. 
Had these title been of my own devising, modesty would not have suffered me, to hear them read. But what Queen Hedone says, is a law; and it is a part of my obedience to accept the honour she confers upon me by her own hand. She trusteth no Secretary when she writes to me. I think the Muses will woo me for copies of this letter, they will imitate it, when they sing hymns in praise of Apollo.  Phil. 
O forgery O foppery!  Amp. 
Why? what?  Phil. 
Thinkest thou that Queen Hedone wrote this letter to thee? I think she never heard of Amphibius.  Amp. 
Why? Am I not in the endorsement? I never heard of any other Amphibius. I will be this Amphibius till you find another Amphibius.  Phil. 
See how thy good nature is wrought upon. This inscription is none of Queen Hedone's hand. Seest thou the character nothing a kin to the letter within  Amp. 
Perhaps endorsements and names of note, are written in another hand for excellency. That is the Court style.  Phil. 
Let me tell thee a short tale. Thou hast heard of Burching-lane in London.  Amp. 
London? Where's that? In England?  Phil. 
So. And there are many volumes of Apparel made at large by guess for no man, and for every man, for all, whom they may fit, or who will buy them.  Amp. 
What then? I buy none there.  Phil. 
An honest rural guest coming thither, is hailed into a shop, and cared with a suit which though too wide, too long or short, he's persuaded 'twas made for him and none else, he pays, and goes, and after finds it shrinks.  Amp. 
What's this to me?  Phil. 
Yes to thee. Mutato nomine de te Fabula narratur. Thou art this new come guest, gazing on and admiring the varnished wares, set out in the deceitful shop of Hedone. She cuts out and tacks together, large declamations in folio. In laudem voluptatis. These she sends abroad by the end of her broker Siren: Who, loaden with these blank letters, rambles up & down: and, when she lights upon any credulous soul, presently she adds an endorsement, and makes the receiver believe that Queen Hedone herself doth woo him. Against the concourse of this solemn day this Siren, hovering here for gain, now seizeth on thee. And thou believest that this paper garment was cut out and sowed and laced for Amphibius. If she meet with me, verily I shall have another the same letter, endorsed, To her dear, her only dear Philoponus. Then shall I be the flower of youth, and what not?  Amp. 
Admit sir this, that my name, was put in by the bearer upon general instructions only. Yet the powerful contents of the letter enforce in themselves the conclusion of my yielding.  Phil. 
Thy yielding? And why not mine as well?  Amp. 
Yes brother, and thine, and any's else, whose heart is not hewn out of a marble rock. Mine is of flesh, I call a woman Mother.  Phil. 
I am of the same mould with thee. But I bethink myself, Why hath Reason the Sceptre in her hand, if rebel Passion may be suffered to crowd into the Throne.  Amp. 
True, no Oracle more certain. But alas. But I know not what within this melting breast cries out louder, and says, Amphibius, Thou shalt now to this case dispense with those severe rules.  Phil. 
Where is thy Logic? thy Philosophy? Art thou an Orator to persuade others to that which they know not, and canst thou not persuade thyself, in that which thou acknowledgest?  Amp. 
Nay, the Arguments used by Hedone, are not emptily blown up with passion, but soundly grounded on Philosophy, Logic and Oratory. S●en told me that her Lady Hedone is near allied to Manto, Cassandra, Aspasia, and the ancient Roman Tanaquil. That this Hedone, better than Lesbian Sappho, might pretend to be the tenth Muse.  Phil. 
Why then comes she not now to Apollo's Court at this solemn assembly, to lay in her claim for it?  Amp. 
Siren tells me, she had done so, but that she knew not of the set day, and now resideth in one of the fortunate Lands in the Atlantic sea far oft from Thessaly. And besides all this, she is invited to a feast of four or five gods by Mercury into Ethiopia.  Phil. 
Such draff of si●ens by thy feast.  Amp. 
For the cause of her absence I pass not much But I'm sure she's learned, and deeply read. That she shows by the reasons and Authorities heaped in her letter.  Phil. 
What slout reasons? What authorities?  Amp. 
even those which we read and admire in Apollo's school. What say you to Tully, Plutarch, Aristotle, Seneca, Socrates, Horace, &c.  Phil 
I am sure these afford impenetrable armor against the assaults of Hedone. And now are they brought on the other side against their wills?  Amp. 
read but this line here in the bottom of the second page. Attend what your 〈◊〉 Tully saith, Dandu● aliquid atat●. Non semper ●ncat ratio, &c.  Phil. 
This time and place s●s not to examine these particulars. Come let's to the laurel Grove. There will we gauge to the bottom this farthel of false wares.  Exeunt.  

Actus secundus. Scena quarta.  Ludio solus. Ludio. 
ONe tells me I must study next my heart. That troubles my brain too much. Another tells me 'tis good to eat bread and butter next my heart. That fumes fumes into my head too much. And to say the truth, my stomach is not yet up. For I'm but new up myself, and I hope that will not be so saucy as to tread on his Master's heels. But I say still, 'tis best playing next ones heart. That is to me both study and breakfast. Once again cross and pile, handy dandy, which hand will you have?  He plays two gamesters, and wrangles.— 
O for some Companions. O for some good play fellows! Gingle he's grown so proud, he tells me he's not for boys play now. And Slug I could not get him up. I bounced with my bag of counters against his door. And he answered me nothing but whough, pugh: He outsnorts nine horses, and outsleeps ten dormice. I will go find out Novice. he's a young fat gosling to pull. Exit.   

Actus secundus. Scena quinta.  Lauriger solus. Laur. 
WHen we had signified to our Lord Apollo our publishing of his Mandates, he was pleased to say that there was never more need of warning a Court, than now, that abuses and usurpations have crept into his dominions. And therefore he charged us that this inquiry should be more strict than heretofore. Intra● Siren.  
But look you now. There is one of the worms and caterpillars of our harvest.  
I know her, though I never saw her before. By her fawning gesture and enchanting wand, she's that famous infamous Siren, which so troubles and bewilders some of our society. she hooks at all she meets. It's marvel if she reach not at me.   

Actus secundus. Scena sexta  Siren. Lauriger. Siren. 
TO thee, renowned Lauriger,  
I come a happy messenger,  
From Hedone, Queen Hedone, sweet Hedone,  
The Goddess of delight and pleasure,  
The life of life, the worl is best treasure,  
Perform what I advise,  
And thou shalt be more wise,  
Than all the rest that follow  
Your mighty god Apollo.  
Apollo's task torments your brains,  
Abates your spirits, dries your veins.  
Vain is your labour little profit,  
No quiet by it, no end of it.  
O cast away that laurel bow,  
And crown thy head with roses now,  
Now whilst thy frolic youth gives leisure  
To bathe thyself in choicest pleasure.  
Thy time doth go,  
As river's flow.  
Ere long, you know,  
Grey hairs will grow.  
Then shalt thou sigh, and say with tears,  
Why lost I so my youthful years?  
My spring is past, yet fain I would,  
(But cannot) bud in winter's cold.  
Come then before age bids good night,  
Spend youthful day in sweet delight.  Laur. 
Is this the lecture you read to us? Is this all you can say? A flourishing glozing poetical Theme, that hath neither truth nor substance in it. An empty sounding painted drum, fit for children to hear and follow with their rattles and hobby horses. Go Gill flirt, go set up your Pedlars shop in Venus' Court. There shall you have those that will dance to your music.  Siren. 
No man so learned, wise, or strong,  
But may be conquered by my song.  Lau 
I can hear thee no longer. avaunt thou Circe. Thinkest thou to transform me into a swine? I fly. Exit.  Siren. 
If he gone? I will not leave him so. A letter from the goddess herself may pierce deeper with him, as it did with Amphibius. Exit.  
Finis Actus Secundi.    


Actus tertius. Scena prima.  Mistress Indulgence Gingle, john Gingle her son, jug Rubbish her maid. Indul. 
Jug Rubbish, what, jug Rubbish. Come and bring his girdle.  Iug. 
Here forsooth.  Indul. 
Have you warmed it?  Iug. 
I can find none but seacole fire to warm it:  Indul. 
Out upon thee slut seacoal? I cannot abide to have any of that brimstone fume to come about the body of my child. Go kindle some Charcoal, and warm it well on both sides. Exit jug.  
What Mother can think it any pain to bring forth so precious a fruit? O my living walking joy, thy father's picture, and thy Mother's self, why shouldest thou be weaned from my lap?  Ging. 
Sweet Mother. If I were to choose a Mother,  
Thou and no other  
Should be my Mother.  Indal. 
Sweet Child, when thou speakest, methinks the Muses, if there were nine times nine of them, are but Oysterwomen and Kitchinsluffe.  Ging. 
Honourable Mother Indulgence, I must be no more prentice to Apollo's trade. Must I?  Indul. 
No my Child, thou art in a better trade. We are higher flown now.  Ging. 
I like this new Master better than Musaeus. we have no terrible sceptre shaken over us in the captain's school.  Indul. 
Out upon that bloody butcherly weapon. What a base thing it is, that a man should be armed against children? What natural Mother can suffer her own flesh and blood to be torn by these black gown? cannibals? He that rancheth the flesh of my child, had as good kiss—  Ging. 
Mother, I have heard that he was hanged that invented burch.  Indul. 
ay, and he that invented books escaped by burning in the hand. Redit jug.  Iug. 
I have almost scorched my fingers with warming it:  Indul. 
Shrink in while I buckle it, that you may be gaunt and fine in the waist.  Ging. 
Mother. When you go in your coach up Parnassus hill, I must sit in your lap, must I not? and hold Tisby's left ear in my hand with two fingers thus Must I not? O it is the finest Puppy.  Indul. 
ay, darling, and hold my fan in thy other hand, and sometime shake it at the common people when we pass by them.  Ging. 
Indeed Mother, these are very Gentlemanlike feats. I wonder the Captain has not read any lecture to me of them.  Indul. 
The Captain is to teach thee more soldierlike tricks. I can teach thee these at home. Why jug do you see how the rose is ruffled on the top of his spur-leather, set it better with your poking finger. (valour.  Ging. 
He has already taught me one soldier trick of  Indul. 
What is that my sweet Baby?  Ging. 
When you are in your Coach, if any horses, though never so well bred (except the horses of Apollo's own Chariot) shall presume to take the wall or upper hand of any of your Coach-horses, I must straight leap out of the Coach, and with my poniard stab one of those uncivil horses through both the ears at once.  Ind. 
I see Captain Compliment is an excellent Master, he will make my child be called the son of Mars and Bellona. He deserves more stipend than I allow him for thee. Why son Gingle, this will be an action not only of valour, but of honour and duty to me.  Ging. 
If I thus venture myself in duty to you, I pray you forget not your duty to me. You know my Father's a man of great worth, and lands, and I am his heir apparent.  
I pray you in good company, call not me plain son Gingle, or son john, or so, but Master john, or Master Gingle my son, or so. Others will do me the more honour for it.  Ind. 
True my honourable child Master john Jingle or so. If thou be'st used with such respect by me, how great honour will others yield me that bore thee? But son I doubt, if the horses be tall, thou canst not have them by the ears with thy poniard. Thou shall▪ have thy Father's long guilt Rapier. That will reach them, unless they fly as high as Pegasus.  Ging. 
O for that Rapier. If I had it, the Captain would teach me in one day and a half, how to wear it, how high the pummel must sit above the chape, and how to wind it about when I salute.  Ind. 
I prithee, sweet son, let me see thee once act the fine gestures, which the Captain hath taught you. You do them by yourself alone in the chamber, and the door shut to you. I looked in yesterday at the keyhole, and methought it did me good to see thee repeat some of them in the presence of a Candlestick, and Bedstaff that were set upon the table.  Ging. 
Are you advised of that Mother? That is a secret, which the Captain tells me, that I must show my feats to none till I am well practised. And another secret, better than that, is, in my private practising to set up imagined spectators for the whetting of my care and diligence. And therefore sometime I set upon my table, a full auditory of Cushion, Candlestick, slipper, Bellows, and Chamberpot.  Ind. 
See my son Master Gingle, see what wrong you do me then. You will not allow me that favour, which you do to your Bellows, and that which is below Bellows.  Ging. 
As I am a Gentleman Mother, I cannot do withal as yet. You know when you put me to this mighty Master, you charged me upon your blessing to obey him, and follow his instructions, rather than the precepts of Musaeus or Apollo himself. But by the next month, I think the Captain will give me leave to repeat my postures before you. I will do your Mothership the favour to be in the first form of my Spectators.  Ind. 
Next month? I cannot tarry till next day. Hold, here's a crown, carry to him for his favour, to make me a spectator without delay. It may be in your repeating, I shall teach you some gestures that the Captain thinks not of.  Ging. 
But Mother, I hope you will not fail my Master Captain. You will be a suitor to Apollo for him, that he may continue his school of fine feats here near our door.  Ind. 
Why child to that end have I called to have my Coach made ready. Apollo's great hall is almost a flight shot off on the top of Parnassus, I cannot get up thither without my four fourfooted prancers. jug bid my Coachman lay the Coach bed backward, for we are to climb the hill. But I must in to dress me better, and set my face in Court fashion. Exeunt.   

Actus tertius Scena secunda.  Compliment, and Implement his page. Imp. 
Valorous sir, I pray you clear your brow. What cloud of discontent envelops your heroic soul?  Comp. 
I tell thee 〈◊〉. I am duloros●, I am fumbled and fuddled, and stu● with two horns, grief & anger.  Imp. 
Hath S●●ned on you?  Comp. 
Now boy I have her love and shall.  Imp. 
(Well you may, you pay dear for it.) I hope Sir you are not angry with me sir, your diligent Implement.  Comp. 
With thee? Thou shrub, thou scrub. Thou art below my wrath. The thunderbolt of my indignation, where it bolteth forth—  Imp. 
(My Masters bolt is soon shot)  Comp. 
Bestuds the tallest oaks: it strikes not at such daisies as thou art, dandiprat.  Imp. 
But Master, if you'll give me leave, I dare ask who dares make your choler boil.  Comp. 
Sir boy, I'm angry with myself, and with a certain Knight errant.  Imp. 
Errant? An errant ass he is, that angers you. I'll lay my cap against my dinner (that's odds against a cheese paring) some Knight has taken the wall of you, and has challenged you into the field. And now methink, your anger makes you tremble.  Comp. Imp. 
learn this of me, no fear, but anger, makes men of valour tremble. For anger is the whetstone of fortitude, as sometime said Sir Harry Tottle, my fellow Knight and Philosopher.  Imp. 
Woe to that Knight, which conjured up that spright. Your angry spirit will not be conjured down, without blood shed. (The reason is, my Master loves black puddings well.) But I pray you Master, what knight? I'll be your second. My keen weapon feeds on bloodshed. But I shall have the worst in this bloody combat. (For nothing but the pudding skins and knotted threads, will fall to my share.)  Comp. 
Didst thou mark even now when Sir Orgolio came to me, desirous to be intolled my scholar?  Imp. 
I remember you went aside: but I could not perceive so much as an angry look between you.  Comp. 
No. He was well pleased: but little to my case. The truth is, for fashion's sake, I had him to dinner against tomorrow at my lodging. And he.—  Imp. 
(he's enjoined penance by it)  Comp. 
And he, like an unnurtured swain,—  Imp. 
Would have you dine with him.  Comp. 
NO. No, Imp. The swain accepted my proffer. Was I so kind and generous to invite him, and he be so unkind as to come?  Imp. 
Indeed that's plain Country fashion, unfit for us.  Comp. 
I tell thee Imp I hate him for it, and if he come, I'll sauce him for it. He shall dine●s last. I'll temper the salad with my own hands.  Imp. 
So you had need, (for we have no Co●ke to do it. My Master and I are all the officers i'th' house) But Master, is it so hateful and deadly to accept a dinner at another man's table? How are you then alive? methinks the Lords and Knights should have poisoned you long since.  Comp. 
Thou hast a pestilent cross witted brain. I think thy conceits do caper the cross point within thy pericranium. But see how far thy reach comes short of mine.  Imp. 
(I me sane to reach far sometime, else I may starve.)  Comp. 
Such young cubs as thou, though wily, yet cannot extinguish. I extinguish thus upon the point. A man may be said to eat another's meat upon invitation, or sans invitation. Which the vulgar call not invited▪ I walk the second way. I will not be invited. My worth, my gentle faculty, My brave profession, They are the Orators, the Messengers, the Sergeants that invite, and drive, and draw me to the tables of the best.  Imp. 
I would not be that Porter that should keep you out (in a cold hungry day when we have fasted over night.)  Comp. 
I tell thee, my presence adds honour to the place where I come. Where ere I dine, my virtues pay my share, and where I sit, I leave behind me the sweet perfume of courtesy.  Imp. 
(A sweet perfume quoth he. He has forgot at the French Ordinary when two lackeys fell out, and one of them drew his poniard, who was't fell in a swoon and left such a perfume behind him, that the Chamberlain spent six pence in Frankincense.)  Comp. 
But hoe, where is this fly? My Imp. I do vouchsafe to stoop so low as to ask thy counsel. It enhanceth my wisdom, to choose such a servant, as is able to advise his Master. The wise Commanders in the wars sometimes listen to the counsel of a common soldier, as Dan Plato saith in his politics. What sayst thou Imp. What shall I do to beat this dog from my door, it he come tomorrow?  Imp. 
Let him come, and bark for hunger: the cudgel of my wit shall hang him away  Comp. 
So you 〈◊〉 my honour, faithful Imp. to thee I leave this 〈◊〉, But 〈◊〉 I would know the medicine whereby thou wouldest purge this distemper out of me.  Imp. 
I was now tempering and preparing it. List how the hammers heat in the tongue of my brain. Thump. I'll none of that. Thump again. I like that better.  Comp. 
I long to see the birth of the child of thy brain.  Imp. 
What if you send him word, that this day upon Apollo's call, the whole Academy of virtuous students arriving here, the Captain of your Complemental school Count Pacheco Giso, takes up the chief Inn in Parnassus.  Comp. 
O, at the sign of the flying horse Pegasus.  Imp 
And there makes his pro●●ast with a Mask, that must last till midnight.  Comp. 
I prithee do not hold me till midnight in the unmasking thy advice. What's this to me and Sir Orgolio?  Imp. 
And thereupon that the foresaid Don hath over entreated your honourable worship to be the Herald and Earl Marshal to set every guest in● place, and every did in● rank.  Comp. 
That none can do but I, and those that learn of me.  Imp. 
Otherwise the Cooks and Sewers will make a ●ay with spi● and chopping knives: and among the guests there will be a mortal fight for precedency in place.  Comp. 
Well said my boy. I have it now. Therefore Ergo. the Exclusion is, that, as he would prevent murder, he expect not to have me stay at home that day.  Imp. 
That is a charitable exclusion, and tends unto the preservation of Apollo's peace.  Comp. 
But how if Sir Orgolio say then he'll come thither too, and be my shadow there, and play the under▪ Marshal at my beck?  Imp. 
He cannot be so uncivil, as to intrude, unbid, uncouth, unkissed.  Comp. 
He that would be so uncivil, as to come invited, I dare not trust him where he is not called.  Imp. 
Let him come at his own peril, yet our house shall be thus acquit of him.  Comp. 
What if he return me word that he will come and dine with me next day?  Imp. 
If so, then rather than fail, I'll blaze it all abroad, that your lodging is set on fire with 〈◊〉 of whole shoals and legions of provision for entertainment.  Comp. 
That will be for mine honour, that my great Chamber of entertainment is in combustion with the fumes of my hospitality.  Imp. 
And for your thrift too, that none shall hereafter think to be your guest. (Great Chamber? We have never a ●come bigger than a cobbler's stall; and as for fire, it blazes no further than a tobacco-pipe with us.)  Comp. 
What sayest thou?  Imp. 
I say none but the son of a Cobbler would be so uncourteous, as to reply against this answer; and none so witless, if ever he refined his brains with tobacco  Comp. 
O how hast thou raised up my heavy heart, I warrant I weigh ten pound lighter than I did ere while.  Imp. 
Lighter ten pound of lead. (For I never now him weigh heavy ten pound of silver. I think the Fairies run away with his money. He sucks the young gentlemen's purses, and yet we starve at home.)  Comp. 
Now is the time that Master Gingle is to meet with us on Parnassus downs to act his trampling part Vamos. Exeunt.   

Actus tertius. Scena tertia.  Lauriger solus. 
A Man had need to have a long fork, to keep off this Siren. After I had repulsed her insinuating song, she follows me still, and delivers me a letter, sent from the Lady Hedone (to me, she says) & shows a fair endorsement in guilded letters. To the grand supporter of Apollo's Court, Lauriger. And so forth as follows in that vn●st title, When I had read the superscription, she by violence would needs embrace me. I vouchsafed not so much as to open the letter. Whereupon with hateful heart, and spiteful look, she vowed revenge. Now who but she has contrived to catch me in a snare. A message is brought to me by a seeming friend, of proffering a pension from Captain Compliment, to procure a patent from Apollo to hold on his apish trade within these walls.  
The Broker told me, that, of Lauriger, that gold would make me Auriger, that this Captain fetching over diverse of our younglings, and cheating them of their money, we, by way of reprisal, may take this passion, that it is no bribery to receive it, but an act of justice: that he that robs a thief, hath earned not only pardon, but also praise.  
Now Lauriger summons his wits, and says, this is a trap to bring thee in disgrace, and to endanger thy office in Apollo's Court. ●ay a straw there Lauriger. Consider that this bragging hobby-horse lives but in all hungry fashion. All he can scratch by cheating, he spends on that witch Siren. He every quarter to allow a pension of five crowns, that can scarce allow himself five dinners, or an honest flock-bed to repose his vaulting bones? Lay another straw th●e, Lauriger, ●t his straw Mass.   

Actus tertius. Scena quarta.  Ludio. Lauriger. Ludio. 
I Think I rose not on the right side today. I have rambled up and down, and can get no playfellows.  Lau. 
Nay this snare which they have laid for me, when me the more to accuse them both anon at Apollo's judgement seat.  Lud. 
Novice is so taken up with the Captain, that he cannot be for me all this day.  Lau. 
First I will plead he is a corrupter of youth, and turns them from humane shape into Baboons.  Lud. 
Will nobody take pity on a desolate gamester? Will you play with me? will you?  Lau. 
Secondly, he robs them of their patrimonies.  Lud. 
Come you i'th' blue jacket, I'll try with you at this, or that, or these.  Lau. 
Thirdly, he pulls away the sweetest nothings from the muse's breasts.  Lud. 
At length well hit, I have found now. Ho. Sir Lauriger, I challenge you at bull, bear, and horse.  Lau. 
You will be ho●st at school for this. Will not a snatch in the afternoon serve you, and then buckle to your book again, but you must lavish out the cream of the morning so prodigally, and hold on thus till noon?  Lud. 
I tell thee, I had rather have this then cream with sugar. I taste my play: all else is unsavoury to me.  Lau. 
If Mus●us hear of this, Apollo's curse will light upon thee.  Lud. 
Apollo is our great Lord. And yet I have heard that he loves boys play, and therefore he still continues a boy.  Lau. 
Peace thou babbling rauing tongue.  Lud. 
What is he else? I am sure he has no beard.  Lau. 
Thou ignorant fondling, that is hieroglyphical. His beardless flourishing youth, signifies the never fading fame which is gotten by his service.  Lud. 
ay, but sir, by your leave, I have read, that Apollo was wont to play at Quoits.  Lau. 
The gods may be said to Quoit when they cast into the lap of fortune, the lots and fates of mortal men. This is the moral of it.  Lud. 
I say Apollo played at Quoits, as we do. And his playfellow was young Cyparissus, a boy about my pitch and years, but that he had not so manly a look, as myself, but simpered somewhat womanishly.  Lau. 
Cyparissus that was turned into a Cypress tree▪  Lud. 
Apollo played with him, by a good token, their Quoits were knockers, heavier than horse shoes, I think. For the poor boy was brained with one of them.  
Doth not our Ovid Naso,  
That never told lie, say so?  Lau. 
A good token? that's a bad token.  Lud. 
O how it grieves my heart to think of that honest lad. Ah poor Cyparissus. When I learned the lesson in Ovid, I could have corn that lease out of my book, for very grief, that such a mischance should fall out at the worthy exercise of Quoiting. Out alas, if my trade did not employ me better, I could weep my pocket full.  Lau. 
You may take a better lesson thence, then weeping. The meaning of that fable is, that shrewd hoys must beware of spending their time in play, lest some mischief befalls them: Nay lest Apollo himself brain them.  Lud. 
You construe false to us, so you do.  
But I say still,  
And so I will.  
I gather thence and will lay odds,  
That sport and play beseems the gods.  
Else our good Master Apollo would never himself have played at Quoits in his own proper person, with a paltry boy, like one of us. I have writ this note in the margin of my book. And I think verily if Ovid were alive again, and should see my wholesome lines, he would turn them into verse, and add them to that story.  Lau. 
Ovid had never been so good a Poet, if he had spent his school time idly in play as you do.  Lud. 
Ovid loved play well. I have heard that he played with Corynna.  Lau. 
How this Lad prates? Ludio I tell thee that was no boys play.  Lud. 
By your leave sir, Ovid hath honoured my exercises. He describes in verse our boys play.  
Parna tabella capit ternos utrinque lapillos,  In queis vicisse est continuasse tuos. 
Twice three stones, set in a crossed square where he wins the game  
That can set his three along in a row,  
And that is sixpenny moral, I trow,  Lau. 
This boy consters that true, which many a man understood not. Verily thou readest books only where they speak of play.  Lud. 
I do not think that if he were here, he would entreat Apollo to play at Quoits with me or check stone, or spurn-point.  
Good Sir Lauriger, you are better acquainted with Apollo then I. I pray you entreat him to play with me this great play day. This is his fat remedy at his shrovingfeast they say. I challenge him at all games from blowpoint upward to football, and so on to mumchance, and tick-tack.  Lau. 
How this boys' fancy makes him saucy. Is it not enough sirrah, that you trouble me thus with your idle chat, but you must be so bold with great Apollo? He thinks the gods can enjoy no greater bliss then gaming.  Lud. 
Sir, do you hear? rather than sit out, I will give Apollo three of the nine at tick-tack. I do not think but I shall take him at a why not every other game. His mind will be so on the Muses, & upon his verses.  Lau. 
Apollo and his Musaeus take you too often with a Why-not at-school. You know what should follow thereupon. Why-not, &c.  Lud. 
Threaten me not. I tell thee, no torture can make me bate an ace of my play. You would not think it, but, as I am true Ludio whensoever I am trembling under the hand of the executioner, If I do but think on my play, than even then, those back blows, (which others think so rueful) seem to me nothing, but threshing hens at Shrovetide. He that spends his life in play, keeps Shrovetide all the year.  Lau. 
Belike you think play to be Apollo's Shrovetide  Lud. 
I that I do: else why play we now in honour of Apollo?  Lau. 
I tell thee this our play if it be weighed right, is three ounces study, and but one ounce play. This fla● of recreation is not kindled without a spark of diligence. Our playing now is a kind of study, whereas as thy seeming study is nothing but playing or plodding how and where and with whom to play. Thy trade is to be prodigal of (the chiefest riches which is in o● power) time. Thou art a very bankrupt of thy own time: and lovest to pull others into the same losses.  Lud. 
What speak you of losses? He that loseth at one time may win at another. I can tell you of of young Oleo, he got of Ganeo the Elder, all his points hatband, garters, and a gold ring, and five crown in money; and yet in two hours to see to, see how fortune came with a windlass about again.  Lau. 
Peace thou brat, whose mouth is armed with bale of dice, instead of a stall of teeth. What pratest thou of recovering lost rings and money? The shi● wrack that thou makest is unrecoverable.  Nec revocare potes, qui: periere, dies 
Lost days can never be recalled. Time steals away, as thou art a stealer of time. See now how thou hast encroached upon my precious time, whilst I hear a● speak, with such a canker of good hours. Away away.  Lud. 
You bid me away, because you dare not play with me.  Lau. 
Dost thou dare me thou elf? I will.  Lud. 
I know you'll venture no money, nor points. must play with you for nothing. Come on therefore at hide and seek, or blind man buff.  Lau. 
Come, I will once boy it again at either for a crash  Lud. 
Why then at blindman buff you shall be first blinded.  Lau. 
Nay sir boy, if you challenge and choose the game too, you must be first blinded. But what tools have we?  Lud. 
Borrow one of these Gentlewomen's masks:  Lau. 
Nay then you will look through the holes. Will you gull me so?  Lud. 
If I once look through the holes, then say Ludio is set in the Pillory. but rather than want ●ew, here take my garter, and tie my satchel about my face.  Lau. 
O with what wicked bombast is his satchel slust? I thought it was not true begotten books, that made the belly of it swell so big.  Lud. 
It has cast calf now. You must tie me to these winkers.  Lau. 
I had rather tie thee to one of our school posts, or hang our great dictionary at thy heel, for a clog to keep thee from gadding to play.  Lud. 
Talk not to me of Dick snary, nor Richard-snary; I care not how little I come near them. But sir you must have this Morris-bell tied to your point, that I may hear where you go. Else you will have too much odds of me.  Lau. 
Will you make me act hobby horse, or Master Gingle? For once I will.  Lud. 
Now that is on, come and tie me.  Lau. 
So, you are tied, now I must turn you about thrice. Sic deluditur Ludre. Exit.  Lud. 
I do not hear the bell. Lauriger stands still I doubt. Nay gentle playfellow, you must stir up and down, ●e we shall have no sport.   

Actus tertius. Scena quinta.  Siren. Ludio. Sirea. 
I Hope to find more game here. O yonder's a ●h gamester. I think he is caught in our net already. So, so, Verily Cupid hath blinded him for our purpose.  Lud. 
O I have him. I have him. But where is your bell? untie me now It is your 〈◊〉 to be blinded O what ha●d 〈◊〉 Undo me, undo me.  Sir. 
I have but the undoing of many in my days. But I never met with so forward a guest, that would beg his own undoing.  Lud. 
I have over come it now. What now? He turned to She? Master Lauriger, methinks your looks are grown very long on the sudden. Has he served me thus?  Sir. 
How well art thou served, when such a Nymph is at thy service?  Lud. 
If thou be at my service, s●ake thy silken coat, and golden band, against my garters and hat. Lift who shall deal.  Sir. 
I thee, I use little plain dealing. I must shuffle and cut too.  Lud. 
Both? Nay that's against law.  Sir. 
Yet will i deal plainly with thee. I have neither skill nor mind to play with thee.  Lud. 
Can any sweet Nymph be a stranger to Ludio? I have heard that nymphs love to play at more games than I know.  Sir. 
I do not refuse, because thou art a stranger, but because thou art our friend; Thou art ours already. What need we spend birdlime upon those wanton sparrows, that are in our cage already? S●t x Ludio, thou art a member of our family Queen He done gets good access by thee. Go on with all thy thrifty wares to get in more letters up in our trade. Go to sir Grobiano, make him pay for thy acquaintance.  Lud. 
Gentle goldilocks. I would do so, but that I am now employed against my wont in studying an oration to save my head from a blow, which Apollo's visitation may now bring upon me. Exit.   

Actus tertius. Scena sexta.  Drudo. Praeco. Siren. Novice. Drud. 
Novice, you know you must appear too.  Praeco. 
I have cited him according to law.  Nou. 
What is the matter, think you?  Praeco. 
I heard a bird sing (hark in your ear) that there's an accusation against you for misspending your time with Captain Compliment.  No 
I do but as others do. I am not alone.  Drud. 
What strange guest is yond? A female I think. Who but Siren that has made such turmoils here of late. Praco have you cited her?  Praeco. 
she's in my ●owle, I'm glad I have met with her. Dame Siren, thou art indicted by the name of Siren for subverting Apollo's subjects; You must along with me, and appear to answer such matters as shall be objected against you, on the behalf of our Sovereign Lord Apollo.  Siren. 
Thou arrest me, who have arrested thy betters? I tell thee, I will be there. I have good friends in Apollo's Court. I will not be hired to tarry away. But before I go, I must deliver a message to you from a great goddess.  Praeco. 
A goddess to me?  Siren. 
I●o thee, and thee, and to you all.  Drud. 
Say what thou must, or canst.  Siren. 
Hedone, Queen Hedone, sweet Hedone,  
Dame nature's care, and noblest birth,  
The joy, and crown of heaven, and earth,  
The aim, and centre of desire,  
The fuel of most sacred fire,  
By me, and this, and this  
She sends you all her bliss.  
Among the gods she hath her place,  
They all stand gazing on her face.  
The clouds do from her presence fly,  
'Tis sunshine where she casts her eye.  
Where are she treads on earth below,  
A rose or lilly up doth grow.  
Her breath a gale of spi● brings:  
Mute are the Muses when she sings.  
whate'er she touches turns to Nectar,  
What man, but can, and must affect her?  
No heart so hard, but needs must melt,  
When once her kindly warmth is felt.  
She, she vouchsafe, to call you to her,  
And wooing prays you now to woo her.  
By study soon, fresh youth doth break,  
The fair grow foul, the strong grow weak:  
Leave leave this musing bookish trade:  
Enjoy yourselves before youth fade.  
Time must be gone,  
Old age creeps on.  Drud. 
She puts her message home, methinks.  Praeco. 
I have arrested her; and I think she will arrest us.  Novice. 
I like her song well, I'll get a copy of it. If Apollo give me leave, I will have more acquaintance with her. methinks this Siren would make a good wife for my Master, Captain Compliment, and so she shall be my Mistress. O fair Hedone, sweet honey Hedone, more sweet than Marmalet, or Quidony.  Drud. 
Away thou glozing flatterer. we are no game for thee. Let us about our business. Praeco do your office, carry her away. Let her chant this song before Apollo. The Muses will outsing her, and tear her flearing locks. I will go cite Slug. Exeunt.  
Finis Actus tertij.    


Actus quartus. Scena prima.  Compliment. Gingle. Implement. Comp. 
GEntle sir Gingle, the flower of my school, return my thanks to the honourable Dame Indulgence thy high deserving Mother, for the glittering token the sent me. I shall deserve it in my readiness to accomplish thee. But where ended we yesterday?  Ging. 
You were instructing me how to salute a Lady, or so, if she had a Monkey, or so, and wept, or so.  Imp. 
This is but so, so.  Comp. 
In case you find a Lady weeping and mournful, for that her Monkey is sick of the mumps, then say.  Ging. 
Fair Lady weep not for your Monkey.  Comp 
This is bare and vulgar. Rather Ash your salutation thus. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Claridiana.  Ging. 
●t as can be. T● is Claridiana was courted by the Knight of the sun. My Mother has ●ad that book to me. Sir your s●le is very h●h and lo●.  Imp. 
Ves sir, my master and I have gone over many as high a style, when we went to rob orchards for our dinners.  Comp. 
Twice double worthy dubbed Madame—  Giag. 
Twice double dubbed. What doth she wear a doublet do Ladies ●e to wear doublets now?  Comp. 
You understand not. There was of late years a fashion, when haec vir, & hic mulier were in request. But gentle Jingle, though thou dost stand under me, yet thou dost not understand me. Twice doubly because she hath two titles to her honour. The full a title of law which she hath from ●et Qu band who was dubbed Knight with an unbloody sword. The second The second What ●'st. him h●, the second. Oh I have it, because the is rich● in clothes then in jointure. But proceed we in your approach.  Ging. 
Oh so you have wonderfully enlightened enlighted me.  Comp. 
I have wipe ●and clarified the dull spectacle of thy intellect with the Napkin of my Comment.  Ging. 
Indeed now methinks spy her clearly without a lookingglass. But how should I forbid her to weep?  Imp. 
To weep? madam I forbid the banns between you and snow.  Ging. 
ay, the knight's name Sorrow?  Imp. 
Perhaps he's a o●y knight, (like my master)  Comp. 
What Imp. you are too nimble. Are you so saucy to step before me?  Imp. 
(I was sane to step before him when we stole hens together, and he put me first into the hen-roost.)  Ging. 
Truly Captain methinks Implement suggests very 〈◊〉 would willingly forbid those banes.  Comp. 
Forbidding banes? Away with this forbidding banes. It is a baneful ominous word, not befitting the wooing style. You shall mould all up in the fine pull past of poetry thus.  
Twice double worthy dubbed madam,  
Whose virtues not the longest tongue can fathom.  Imp. 
I think ladies' garments are measured by th'ell and by the yard, but measuring their virtues by the fathom, I never heard of before.  Ging. 
Twice double worthy dubbed madam, Whose long tongue no man can fathom.  Comp. 
O dismal. O dangerous! Take heed of stumbling so with your tongue when you speak of female tongues. Whose virtues not the longest tongue can fathom.  Ging. 
Whose virtues not the longest tongue can fathom.  Comp. 
Right and straight. Then on.  
Souse not thy glittering globy eyen  
In dreary teary salt sea brine.  Ging. 
Globy eyen? What's that?  Comp. 
Know'st thou not what globy is? I perceive than thou a● no traveller, thou hast not (as I have done) travelled about the globe of the earth. Know'st not what eyen be? I see thou art no Poet, thou hast never read Chaucer. Hast thou never heard of eyen twain?  Ging. 
Souse not. This word will not down with me.  Imp. 
Mr. jingles queasy stomach cannot digest sauce.  Ging. 
The Lady will think, I use to converse with Tripe-wives, if I talk to her of sauce.  Imp. 
Mr you once courted a sousing Dame, (a fulsome Kitchen-wench.)  Comp. 
Peace thou squeaking pig; or else the bandogs of these hands shall lug thy lagging ears. Souse not thy globy eyen. I tell thee this is not such as it is vulgarly taken. It is not a butcherly word, it is not descended from the Tripe wife, nor hath it affinity with the frying-pan.  Imp. 
Nor did it ever hang cheek by jowl with a black pudding.  Comp. 
Mark the Philosophy of the phrase. The roaring dashing element, the sea is salt, and brine is salt, and trickling tears are salted.  Imp. 
And P. I. S. is salt.  Com. 
The sea, the brine, the tears, the tears, the brine, the sea. Why may they not all three thus dashing, soaking, sousing lie? It is a martial word. I use it often myself, I tell thee.  Imp. 
I too often when you tell me you'll give me a sauce on the ear.  Ging. 
Souse not, &c. Fit. wondrous fit, as my presumed glove for my sweet-hand. It she wept for sorrow before, I shall now make her weep for joy to hear this eloquence.  Imp. 
But my Masters, you leave the poor Monkey too long in distress. he'll die o'th' mumps, unless we relieve him the sooner.  Ging. 
'Tis true. Pray go on. I am to say your Monkey will recover. Master Prompter do your part.  Comp. 
Then thus. Your sour legged, two-legged, Man-imitating, two-handed, long-tailed play fellow, shall be readvanced to his pristine integrity of limbs.  Imp. 
He had needs put in sound of wind and limb, for the Mumps lay siege to his throat, and breed more danger to his weasand, then to his ten bones.  Ging. 
Two-foot, four-foot? how can that be? Hath he six feet?  Imp. 
six feet? six to one my Master puts the trick of the louse upon him. I have known when he has blown them in a quill upon better men this this.  Comp. 
Thou art not worthy to be numbered among the two-footed, but rather art to be embased unto the fourfooted. If thou dost not understand how Apes and Monkeys are two-legged and two-handed; sometime they creep on all four. Imp. show him how, sometime they stalk on tiptoe. Thus.  Imp. 
If I had been an Ape I should have climbed plum-trees bravely.  Comp. 
Let me see how you can imitate this.  Ging. 
Sometime they trace on all four thus.  Imp. 
Sometime they ride upon a mastiff dog thus. I want nothing now but my whip to keep this Lollard hound in awe.  He rides upon Gingle's back. Comp. 
Come off Imp. Enough of this. We will send him hereafter for instruction to Paris Garden, where he shall learn not only Ape tricks, but the whipping of blind Bears.  Ging. 
Paris Garden? O fine Paris they say is a one City in France. I am glad he will send me thither. No man can be a complete Gentleman till he have learned their cringes and crinkling i'th' hams: which is in excellent request to the heavens now adays.  Comp. 
Good sir, I hope myself, and such men of worth as I, have transported thence already plentiful loads of this French ware, that you shall save the labour and cost of living there at their dear Ordinaries and precious dancing-schools, you must therefore in your stipend to me allow me, for that which I spent among Counts, Nobles, Knights and monsieurs there; sometime i'th' five pound Ordinary, I tell you.  Imp. 
An horrible profitable lie My Master ne'er dined there but with O●llers and vintner's boys.  Comp. 
I tell you it cost me sour Nobles to the Usher of the dancing school to learn one trick, which they call Le Tourne fuseau It wheels a man about, as a boy does a stone in a ho●pe, and makes him appear as round and uniform, as a joiner's turned bed post.  Gins. 
I pray you learn me that whirligig trick.  Comp. 
You are not come to that. Be not so hasty, you are yet but in the Rudiments, and to tell you plain, you must refund to me some charge for other proficiency before we aspire so high.  
There was another vaulting trick called the our.  Imp. 
The base vulgar in English call it the hoister.  Comp. 
It lifts a man up till he grow less and less like a Hawk after a Heron. Shaw. It cost me. Let me see.  Imp. 
how much?  Imp. 
Upon mine honour thirty Crowns.  Comp. 
I think it was but twenty.  Imp. 
By your leave master, I know better than you. Do not I keep your Count Book? I'm sure 'twas that week that you bought the jewellers rich Diamond that was refused by so many Nobles. They could not reach the price of it.  Comp. 
O it was the late Queen Mother's jewel. Thou didst still thou forgetful brat to leave it behind. I should have worn it at this public show. All Parnassus would have admired it.  Imp. 
Master, you lost the key of your Cabinet. I durst not break it ope (The devil a jewel we have, but one that was bought of a Pedlar, and in the Country Towns he makes a great show with it at Bear. baitings, but in such civil places as this is, he durst not be seen with it.)  Ging. 
I pray you when I am i'th' humour of buying jewels, let me have the refusal of it.  Comp. 
Thou shalt, because thou art an ingenious Gentleman 〈◊〉 Imp. Remember to set down a caveat in the Margin of my Inventory, that no man else ●y so much as look on it or have any price set of it.  Imp. 
Master Gingle I pray you pay me ten groats for entering this Caveat in mine office. My fee my fee sir.  Ging. 
Come to me at my lodging, and I will lay salt on this birds oil dor fear of flying away.  Comp. 
I tell you Master Gingle. It will go near to cost you the manner of Foolingham.  Ging. 
Let oaks and lands fly. I mean to glitter bright in Diamond▪ dearly dight.  Comp. 
You must add.  
That men and dames may gaze, and say,  
What star is that, that glides along this way?  Ging. 
What starts is that, etc. O excell● All the world could never have furnished me with such a Tutor.  Comp. 
Say rather all the habitable circumference of this muddy massy earthy globe could not have afforded and suppeditated unto me so mellifluous an Indoctrinator, as is the curious Captain Compliment.  Ging. 
O that I could by Metamorphosis be transformed into this eloquent man.  Imp. 
Thou hadst better be transformed with Apuleius into a golden Ass.  Comp. 
I tell thee I have written a large book of instructions how a man should wear his clothes, on which side his purse should lie in his pocket, which stocking he should draw on first upon ominous days.  Imp. 
Indeed sir I have heard you often tell of a man that broke his leg because he pulled on his left stocking first on one of the dog days.  Comp. 
I sirrah, and there was another, that had the toothache seven years after, because he picked his teeth with the south end of his picktooth, in stead of the north, while he was in his chamber meditating a discourse to be offered up before a bevy of Ladies.  Ging. 
Is there south and north a picktooth?  Comp. 
ay, it was touched with a loadstone.  Ging. 
I would rather have picked my teeth with my knife thus, then have run into such a mischief.  Comp. 
What say you? what do you? do you wear a knife about you?  Ging. 
I'm sure it cost me a Mark, and I got mine arms graven upon the blade, three hobby-horses or, prancing in a field▪ or, bridled and saddled argent.  Comp. 
Then I must n●s tell you my mind. I hoped well that you would prove under my hands, but now I doubt you are no Gentleman, I fear you'll never prove fashionable, I will rather employ my pains about other my scholars who have vowed never to wear knives.  
What? wear a knife. Nay I have done with you.  Ging. 
Nay, good sir, I pray you do not cast me off, I'll rather cast away this clownish tool.  Imp. 
I may take it up and wear it. No knife can wound my gentry.  Comp. 
We burn day light. I must haste, and muster up my friends and advocates to plead for me in this Court. Sirrah Imp. run to Mistress Gingle, tell her, now 'tis time.  Ging. 
I will be your Remembrancer to her: She shall protect you, else she is no mother for me.   

Actus quartus. Scena secunda.  Geron with a fork on's neck. 
I Have been mending my hedges, which the scurvy boy Ludio broke down. And now when I would rest at home, and take my nooning-nap, I must be vexed with my son, my wretched son. They say that Apollo keeps visitation today. I will lay my son at his Palace gate, perhaps this feast day we may get some favour, some drop of his clemency. Exit.   

Actus quartus. Scena tertia.  Mistress Indulgence and jug Rubbish. Indul. 
IV. goe Rubbish What jug? bring away the looking glass. Thou dirty Rubbish, thy singers have defiled the lace of my Cuffs. Will not cuffing about the ears make you more cleanly?  Ing. 
The lace is so thick, that I was fain to tug hard at it. I know not what can foul it, unless the smoothing-iron cast a rusty colour through the paper  Ind. 
Out upon thee for an old rusty liar. The glass▪ Hold it on the other side. You know I do not love to behold that mole on this cheek. Thou spiteful baggage, more yet on the left hand. Is that the left hand?  Iug. 
here's my left hand.  Ind. 
ay, but the other side is my left hand. You must conform your eyes and hands to your▪ Mistress, and forget which is your own right or left. does my Veil hang in true proportion?  Iug. 
I can say nothing for any portion, but in hangs just behind you.  Indul. 
Unless I be set all in print, the Poetical Muse will make times on me, when they see me in A● judgement Hall. But jug, what had my son to breakfast this morning?  Ing. 
A pullet's wing.  Indul. 
That's not forsooth. What nothing else?  Iug. 
Forsooth a piece of Pie too But so sooth Mistress, if you give me leave, I'll tell you what they say of him.  Indul. 
What? who? Why?  Iug. 
Marry forsooth Philoponus, and others eke also do say, if you feed him so much, that he will never prove: a scholar.  Indul. 
Prove scholar? Do they think my child is so low borne as to be made a ●y scholar? Shall such a keen refined wit be dulled and embased, by plodding on a book? What is Philoponus but a Bookworm, an inkhorn squirt, a botching patcher of Latin shreds What is this learning, but a little gibberish in the tongue, a sheepish look in the face, and penniless famine in the purse? I he more scholar a young man is, the less like to speed of a rich wife. I will have my son the mark and wish of the most renowned Dames.  Iug. 
I do not so hate scholars, but that I could one in my heart to marry Philoponus at a venture.  Indul. 
I will, as mannerly as I may, tell Apollo that it is an honour to his school, that such a one as my son was of it, though but for a taste of the muse's dish, a gentle touch of the verge of their garment. ay, but is my Coach ready?  Iug. 
One of the horses is very unruly, the Coachman. talks like a rogue, and says that nothing but a wise will tame him.  Indul. 
This lewd horse-rubber's tongue must be tamed I doubt he is three quarters drunk.  Iug. 
That's no news.  Indul. 
I must away, the hour runs with swifter race than my horses. Exeunt.   

Actus quartus. Scena quarta.  Enter Geron and Retro his son. Geron. 
Keep on thy way, dost thou not see? hold on that path. Seest thou not how my staff doth wise thee the way? I think thou cam'st backward into the world, that now art damned to this crablike pace. Shall I never be rid of this office? So: stand still Now methinks I see the porch of great Apollo's temple. O great Apollo, if my son have thus deserved to be punished, yet what hath guiltless Geron, what hath he offended?  Retro. 
O. terg. ollota nodrap. su.  Geron. 
Thou dost well to humble thyself before great Apollo. But why to pardon us? Why me?  Retro. 
Rethaf, O. rethaf.  Geron. 
What sayest thou to thy Father?  Retro. 
Ti. saw. rvoy. tlaf.  Geron. 
What sayest thou? Was it my fault?  Retro. 
Voy. taes. 'em. ta. ot. ih, a koob.  Geron. 
Did I set you at too high a book? You were too proud of your wit, and would needs slide over the rudiments, and leap at first into an higher form, than your capacity would reach unto.  Retro. 
Im. rehtom. Im. rethom.  Geron. 
Thy Mother, thy Mother. ay, it is true, thy Mother would needs have it so. I must needs say 'twas her fault, not mine. She ever jogged me, and told me, that her Rowland was as good a scholar, as his Master, and that the 〈◊〉 est book did best befit his ●gh flown 〈◊〉 and now alas thy long long punishment penance unto me, then to thy two years have I been 〈◊〉 at home. It grieves & grates me ears to hear this backward language imposed by Apollo's doom on my wretched child. It wounds mine eyes to see these backward steps. And yet remains a furtiver time for me,  
To be the scorn and by word of this place.  
Old geron's overforward child  
Retorted for his hastiness,  
Is made the prou● 〈◊〉 of these times.  
And likened to soon ripe soon rotten fruit▪  
But how long time remains yet unexpired  
〈◊〉 this unnatural preposterous task?  
〈◊〉 ●o. Rey. Say. Norey.  
〈◊〉 I, so, it is one whole livelong year.  
●ich thy poor father (spent with tears and grief)  
Scarce hopes now to outlast. Alas  
The candle of my days is almost spent,  
It waveth in the snuft, and little oil  
Is left to make it flame.  
And yet alas too soon these blasts of sighs  
Will puff it out▪ ●ese tears will drown it quite.  Retro. 
Rethaf. reed. Rethaf.  Geron. 
What sayest thou my dear son, too dear to me, that hast me cost so deep a punishment.  Ret. 
Tell. su. geb so. old pa.  Geron. 
Well What shall we beg of Apollo?  Ret. 
Ot, nodrap. su. sibt. ●ey.  Geron. 
To pardon this year to us, and release thee? I fear thy wishes are far larger than our hopes.  Ret. 
Irrem. ollopa.  Geron. 
Merry Apollo? I doubt his ears are stopped, and I have heard the gods use not to recall their dooms, which they have once pronounced.  Ret. 
Keeps. of suesu●n.  Geron. 
What? wouldest thou have me speak to Musaeus Apollo's Priest, to intercede for thee for this remission?  Ret. 
Os ot. mih.   

Actus quartus. Scena quinta.  Geron. Philop. Musaeus. Retro. Geron. 
IN good time here he comes forth.  
But son I dare not approach to him.  
O what a trembling reverence doth possess  
My limbs, and all benumbs my chill cold blood,  
When I behold his awful gravity.  
Let us retire beside this shady tree  
This mossy bank will rest my weary limbs,  
And give me time to recollect my spirits.  Phil. 
Grave guide of tender youth, Interpreter  
Of great Apollo's laws chief secretary  
Unto the learned Muses, all your words  
Are lodged safe in this laborious breast.  
Think your command's no sooner said than done▪  Musaeus. 
Careful Philoponus, I approve your pains  
And have already recommended you  
Unto Apollo's self. O that the rest  
Of those, that undertake this worthy task,  
Pretending to the liberal sciences,  
Could so acquit themselves.  
But 〈◊〉 all seeing 〈◊〉 in circling round  
About both Hemispheres of this large world,  
Hath spied that some (O too too great a sum)  
Have s●ly crept within the verge and pa●  
Of his dominions. In truth they strangers are,  
Nay enemies and rebels to his laws;  
Yet would be counted Natives of his school,  
By them his tender plants corrupted are,  
Distorted, bruised, hindered of their growth.  
Think they that these foundations have been l●  
These Cells erected, and those Temples dight  
To harbour such foul el●es? Shall snorting sloth  
Think here to nestle, fixed to his bed,  
As is the slow-paced snail unto his shell?  
Shall wanton pleasure think to revel here?  
Shall toying apish prating Compliment  
Outface the Muses, tear Apollo's locks,  
Entice away the tender brood, with shows  
Of empty words, and bubbles vanishing?  
Shall shifting sharks defraud their innocence?  
Shall hasty heady Novices outleap their master's lo●,  
Presuming on their wit, and undertake  
To read a lecture to their teacher? No.  
'Tis well that some have heretofore for this  
been made examples of such hastiness.  
Nay let them backward go, that thus have run.  Geron. 
Alas poor child, I see, he meaneth thee.  
Have pity on us great Apollo's Priest.  
Worthy Philoponus entreat Mus●us for my child.  Phil. 
Does your child desire so much?  Retro. 
D●g. ris keeps. ros. 'em.  Geron. 
Speak for him good sir.  Phil. 
His language is so harsh, that I will speak, if it be but to rid my ears of this preposterous sound. Venerable Mus●us. May it please our Lord Apollo, now after two years penance to remit the remaining year.  Musaeus. 
If there be evidence that in this time, he hath retired and plied what formerly he overslipped in his rudiments.  Phil. 
myself can partly witness that.  Muscus. 
It may be that Apollo will consider him. But let us haste up to Parnassus' top. The time is come, the Court must now begin.  Geron. 
My heart is warm with hope to follow them.   

Actus quartus. Scena sexta.  Compliment. Gingle. Implement. Comp. 
STill I say and swear upon my virtues, that you are mistaken. Have you been so long my scholar, and are you yet unacquainted with the calendar of my stipend book?  Ging. 
My bargain was to allow you five crowns a month, and will you now wire-draw me to thirteen months' i'th' year? When I was Apollo's scholar, I'm sure Musaeus reckoned but quarterly, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 but twelve months' i'th' year.  Comp. 
Apollo's Priest must follow his Masters walk, the suns yearly passage through the twelve signs of the Zodiac. I will have nothing to do with Astronomy.  Ging. 
ay, but our Almanacs every year reckon but twelve months.  Comp. 
What dost thou tell me of Almanacs? usurers go by the Almanac. I scorn that griping trade. My month is four weeks ●ust, you may remember them by the changing your shirts, every fourth shirt determines my pay.  Imp. 
I reckon the month by one shirt.  Ging. 
Who shall be judge between us?  Comp. 
Judge between us? Am not I thine instructor▪ I'll be thy judge. For every one of my months I teach thee a several strain of Courtesy And so thou hast of me in the year, documents accordingly, thirteen to the dozen.  Imp. 
My Master's father was a Baker, and therefore he allows an odd call of courtesy, neatly chipped.  Comp. 
Si●a Imp. draw out the Catalogue and number them.  Imp. 
The first month, the Semicircle.  Ging. 
ay, with my hat thus. To make just half a circumference.  Comp. 
Remember always the drop withal.  Ging. 
In my motion, my gold hatband must fall down, thus.  Imp. 
I cry fallings: this is my fee, I trow.  Comp. 
It is an excellent emblem, and signifies that for love of your friend, you will cast away your gold, and trample it under your feet, and that's the reason that Gentlemen now adays wear their hatbands loose. Register proceed.  Imp. 
The second month the Calf-clasp.  Comp. 
Perform it with Imp. that I may view you the better. Do you remember that in arching your arm over his shoulder, you must never touch his band or garment behind, but apprehend the calf with your first touch entirely.  Ging. 
I warrant you, I am old dog at that.  Imp. 
If I had known you had been an old dog, I would not have trusted you with my Calf. Ba.  Ging. 
And before I dismiss the calf, I give it the gentle nip or prasye thus.  Imp. 
Ba, ba. No Butcher nips a Calf more neatly in the rump.  Comp. 
Which shows your fervency of love, that you are loath to be unclasped from your friend's intimity.  Ging. 
I have it to a hair.  Comp. 
Register walk on your monthly pace.  Imp. 
The third month, the gentle shrug.  Comp. 
I must tell you, you have not got that perfect yet.  Ging. 
Not my shrug sir? That was my last lesson.  Imp. 
Indeed sir I was by, when Signior Gosso in that action smiled, and asked if you were not lousy.  Comp. 
O there's your fault, gentle Jingle. A hundred to one you shrugged but with one shoulder.  Imp. 
I would advise you hereafter to shrug by a lookingglass, that you may see after what manner you do it.  Ging. 
Indeed my lookingglass is broken with dancing with it in my hand, to mark the postures of my face when I capered. But I'll buy another.  Comp. 
Nay, you must buy two, that one may reflect upon the other, and then may you at once see your motion in your shrug both before and behind.  Ging. 
O excellent! for this double glass, I'll give you a double fee. But, I pray you sir, wherein is my shrug faulty?  Comp. 
My dear scholar, thou must know, there are diverse kinds of shrugs, there is the miser's shrug, and that is accompanied with the scratching of the elbow: there is the beggar's shrug, and that's done with a quick motion, snatching, to make a six▪ footed bandog leave his hold.  Imp. 
My Master and I act that at home sometimes, when we are loath to part with an old friend, our linen.  Comp. 
There is a winter shrug, and that's performed with the hands ensconced in a Must, & a Fox-furred co● close gift. There is a drowsy shrug, and that sometime befalls a gallant, when he has set up all night at Cards, and saved the pulling off his boots. This shrug is commonly performed with displaying out the arms, and yawning with the mouth, which represents a kind of Leopard's face. And lastly, there is a gentle Italian shrug.  Ging. 
I pray you sir let me go with you Let me see. The miser's shrug, the winter shrug, the drowsy shrug, the lousy shrug. I shall hardly carry away all these.  Comp. 
Nay, you must carry away none of these. You must leave them all behind you. The last and only gentle shrug, is your Italian shrug.  Ging. 
O the Italian shrug. There 'tis. How's that? I shrug with desire to learn it.  Comp. 
That shrug is performed by lifting up both shoulders exactly together with one uniform motion, somewhat swift, and holding them a while in suspense, with the neck somewhat couching, and the chin thrust out, than the shoulders are to be let down again, as it were by a double pulley, with a slow motion, which by degrees vanisheth. And if you will accomplish it with a grace, you must all the while cast your eyes into a leering posture.  Ging. 
O excellent school of virtue! But when must I use this shrug?  Comp. 
Upon diverse occurring cases, very usefully. But especially when you are asked a question, which you cannot deny with safety, nor assent unto with honour. In such a two-forked dilemma, the shrug relieves you, and you come off with reputation of wisdom.  Ging. 
This is an oracle to me, I pray you expound by example.  Comp. 
Put case that some fair and honourable Lady were mentioned at the Table, and thereupon some busy curious Gentleman should ask you whether there passed no terms of love between you and her. To deny it, were a derogation from your honour. To love or be beloved is honourable. For you to acknowledge it, were perhaps dangerous. Some of the company may be your Rival, and so rusty iron may leap out of the eel-skin, and prick your skin. Thus Venus may be exchanged for Mars. And of the two, he's the most dangerous companion to a man's naked side. One shrug quits all this, by which you seem to say, I am not to be examined upon this Interrogatory. I stand upon my guard, all armed in silent wisdom.  Ging. 
Incomparable dogments. Mus●us never taught me so good a lesson.  Comp. 
But high time it is for us to appear, the Session is begun by this. The villain Praco is like death, and will spare none. methinks I heare him cry, Captain Compliment appear. Go Coach it up with your Mother. I and my  Imp. 
will march up the hill on foot. Here sir, I appear sir.  Imp. 
Here sir, at hand. Exeunt.  
Finis Actus quarti.    


Actus quintus. Scena prima.  Philoponus. Amphibius. Phil. 
SEe how thy soul was snared with sophistry.  
No Author here alleged for Hedone,  
But quells those poisons with their Antidotes.  
Mark Tully in that place doth smoothly plead  
For youthful Calius, so to palliate  
His Clients true objected vanities.  
There Tully played the Lawyer for his fee.  
Behold him now a sage Philosopher:  
Discoursing of Old Age, he there concludes,  
In voluptatis regno virtutem non posse consistere,  
That virtue cannot stand where pleasure reigns.  
Anacreon was a wanton Epicure,  
A glozing Poet, but lewd Moralist:  
He sold his soul to Venus and her son,  
Such writers we for style, not matter read.  
Siren from Terence pleads, that in young men  
Deep quaffing, roating, whoring, is no fault.  
Doth not that Poet represent the parts,  
The passions, and several enormities  
Of cockering doting fathers, of lewd sons,  
Of cheating slaves, and cogging parasites?  
Thus he describes the vices of those times,  
That readers might them hate, not imitate.  
S●, Comic Poets set out drunkenness  
In him that pleads for Bacchus, and the while  
Doth swagger, stagger, swallow, wallow, snort,  
The soul▪ that this picture is, the more  
That swinish vice breeds loathing of itself.  
If I would on a Comic stage display  
Virtue in conflict stoutly labouring,  
And then in conquest honoured by fame;  
First would I personate her enemy  
In some such busy guiles and forgery,  
As this lewd Siren represents to thee.  
The rest of Authors, Motives, Arguments,  
Which in that letter you so stood upon,  
Are of no better stamp, as I have shown.  
And can far more at large.  
But why should I distrust thy judgement so?  Amp. 
You have, judicious Philoponus,  
More hardly in the grove, more briefly here,  
Dispelled those mists, which that enchanting witch  
Had cast before mine eyes. I see, I see  
The light of reason, then eclipsed quite,  
But now reviving my recovered sight.  
O how I loathe, and hate that juggling hand,  
That wrote, or teached to me these baleful lines.  
What sacrifice to Virtue can I yield  
More or, than thus to tear that robe, wherein  
That poison was conveyed, to be to me  
As was the deadly shirt to Hercules?  
So would I also her.  He tears thee letter, and stamps on it. Phil. 
Your best revenge on her will be henceforth, No more to speak with her by word or pen, Women's fair words work deep with passive men  Amp. 
What heaps of thanks owe I, and cannot pay, To such a faithful other self, whose hand Hath reached forth that Ariadne's thread Which me out of this Labyrinth hath led.  Phil. 
Come let us up into Apollo's Court. The Session is long since begun. There shall you more confirm your resolution, by hearing Apollo himself in his judgement seat. Exeunt.   

Actus quintus. Scena secunda.  Drudo. Slug. Drud. 
I Tell thee again, I have no great hope of it. You have suffered so many repulses, that if I were in your case— Where is he. So ho. Come along, mend your pace. What? have you the gout?  Slug. 
Alas in foot, and hand too. My father and grandsire had so.  Drud. 
Stand up for shame. Else how will you appear in Apollo's presence, so much as to present your request.  Slug. 
Well. I'll stretch my limbs so far, though I be already tired with our long journey.  Drud. 
A long journey from your Cottage to Apollo's Court? when your Tent is fixed but on the other side of the wall. A man may fling a horse lose so far.  Slug. 
I'll rather be fed with horse bread, than travail so far again to fetch whitebread. But I pray you let us sit down. I shall talk much wiser, sitting then standing.  Drud. 
Why so?  Slug. 
Do not judge's sith as now Apollo does there. And I hope they are wiser, than those that stand to hear them.  Drud. 
I judge standing, that thou hast little understanding that art such an enemy to standing.  Slug. 
But sir Drudo, why do you discourage me from hope of admittance?  Drud. 
The truth is, I see no great reason why you should be admitted. I'm sure for these seven years, every visitation day you have been shut out of doors by Musaeus as soon as ever he espied you lying upon the bench in Apollo's Court. And for the most part, when your name hath been called aloud by Praco, you have been asleep, and were fain to be jogged and shaked again before you would answer.  Slug snorts and sleeps. 
Out upon thee, what art thou in a Lethargy? I think thy mother was asleep when thou wast begotten. So bo. So bo. I tell thee again, after seven repulses, why shouldest thou knock at Apollo's gate.  Slug. 
I dare not knock at this gate▪ the hammer that hangs on it, is so cold and heavy. And why should I disquiet the Muses with such a noise? Perhaps some of them are asleep in Apollo's lap.  Drud. 
Thou Dormouse, thou iv'st in a perpetual winter: think'st thou them like to thee?  Slug. 
I cannot climb this hill. I pray fetch Apollo hither. Or be you Apollo.  Drud. 
What shall Drudo be so bold. No. But say what thou canst. Apollo sees and hears all things in all places.  Slug. 
Why then Apollo. Drudo, I crave admittance.  Drud. 
What is your claim?  Slug 
I am the top of my kin. I am Slim Slug, Sluggy Sluggorum.  Drud. 
What's that to your plea? Are you a kin to the Muses.  Slug. 
I have long prescription time out of time. I have been entertained evermore by some of Apollo's prentices. They have kept me and said me in their chambers, and hugged me in their bed. I never wanted among them, those that would rather rest with me in a cold morning, then dance after the muse's pipe with benumbed hands and chattering teeth.  Drud. 
All Wines have some lees,  
All Beehives some drones.  
Thinkest thou that such prescription shall get thee admittance?  Slug. 
I am weary of sitting. I think it were better for me to lie down upon this bank. I shall talk much wiser yet when my head lies lower than my heels, for then all my spirits and wits sink down into my brain. So I'll tell thee now what learned counsel I gave to a young scholar, when he told me that his Master chid him for keeping his bed. Why (quoth I to him) then answer your Master, I pray you sin, would you have me all my bed? your law, that you give us, is, Nil dabis, aut vendes.—  Drud. 
Very learnedly applied to the purpose.  Slug. 
When I read lecture to my auditors.—  Drud. 
Surely then thou giv'st a deep nod at every s● point.  Slug. 
I enjoin them, Sell your Books, sell your Inkhorns, sell your Candlesticks, sell your Points, but never sell your beds. The bed is the seat and throne of a scholar. For contemplation requires quietness. And when is a man more quiet, then when he is in 〈◊〉 bed? Ergo.  Drud. 
Spoken like a Philosopher, but of the Epicures sect.  Slug. 
Nay you shall have Philosophy up to the elbows. The bed is the beginning and end of a man. When we come into the world, are not our Mother's said to be brought to bed? When we die, are not we on our death bed? Whilst we live, when are we more innocent then when we are asleep in our bed? than we think nobody any hurt. When are mischiefs done by men, but when they are awake, and employ themselves most busily? Ergo.  Drud. 
It seems so by thee, for thou art seldom awake thus long, but to do some such mischief at to talk in this manner.  Slug. 
The best Philosophers have said, and I have heard it in Apollo's school. Motus fit propter quietem. Nature intends motion, that it may attain rest. And all scholars know, that what is desired, as the end, is better than that, which is ordained as the means to it.  Drud. 
Nay siria, the best of them say, that motion is better than rest. For the heavens move continually, and the earth, which is the dregs of the world, that rests, and slugs like thee. The day is for labour, and the night for rest. And I hope the day is far better than the night. Ergo.  Slug. 
Well. I have all the earth on my side: I'm safe enough. Go you and dance after the stars. I'll hold my rest here.  Drud. 
Enough of this Philosophy. Thou lolling lubber, lazy Bough, get up, Rise old hunks, rise drunken Bear, or I'll go in without thee.  Slug. 
A Bear? no. I'm a worthier beast, by my hardly rising. I am like an Elephant.  Drud. 
I wood thou hadst a Castle upon thy back, than I wood hang thee out for a sign, and it should be called the drowsy Inn. Come away, your name it called ere this at the Session, and Praco won't savour you. You will be in, forty Marks in issues.  Slug. 
My turn is always last. Exeunt.   

Actus quintus. Scena tertia.  Thuriger. Scopas. Thur. 
S●spbu. Scopas. Come away with the Cushions. Lay that Carpet smoother. When were these Cushions brushed. Sirrah. ha?  Scop. 
I have heard say, that too much brushing will we are them out.  Thur. 
Thou Lozel. Hath Slug infected you? Why do you give such kind entertainment to that cobweb?  Scop. 
It shall have Tom Drums entertainment. A flap with a Fox tail.  Thur. 
For the preparing this judgement seat. I pronounce judgement of banishment against all presumptuous cobwebs. The Court will rise, and come upon us ere we are aware. Scopas go see how forward they are, and bring away the Frankincense.  Exit Scopas.  

Actus quintus. Scena quarta.  Ludio. Thuriger. Ludio. 
WHere are they, that say that Ludio is the Canker of the school? I have pronounced a knocking Apology before Apollo and all his Court.  Thur. 
What, nimble Ludio, is the Session so far on?  Ludio. 
Unto thee, O Thuriger, I am the Nuntio, to tell thee, that Apollo and his Actors are by this time come to Actus quintus, Scena quarta Praco told me they will all come down hither to Act Scena ultima.  Thur. 
I shall be ready for them. But I pr●, Ludio, how did Mistress Gingle behave herself?  Ludio. 
She never ceased crying out to Apollo, O the generous Captain Compliment! O that he may bold ●is Tenement. Apollo himself was fain to command her silence.  Thr. 
Did not Siren creep into the souls of the auditory?  Ludio. 
My friend Siren slid on smoothly, like my feet upon the ice. I think she has unbent Apollo's bow. She will have a good day of it, I hope. Young Jingle in his trial stood much upon his gentry, and carried himself like a fine dancing Courtier. When I heard Slug called, I thought we should tarry long, and so away came peel-garlic Ludio, to get him a room before hand here.  Thur. 
But thou tellest me nothing all this while of thy own trial. Were you not put to it shrewdly?  Ludio 
I trow I put Apollo and all his Muses to it. There can no sentence pass against me. My defence was so strong and unanswerable.  Thur. 
I am sorry that my office called me away from hearing you, will you do me the honour to impart to me some of your discourse?  Lud. 
I have it here engrossed and recorded.  Thur. 
I wonder how you could borrow so much time from play, as to compose so large a declaration?  Ludio. 
I have a ●end in a corner, I teach him the knacks of gaining, how to cut a bum card, how to help a die, and such like, and he in kind requital has drawn an Apology for me in form of Law, according to the style or Apollo's Court.  Thur. 
Could you before all them pronounce it lustily, as if it had been your own making?  Ludio 
I have a certain virtue called audacity. I hat did bear me our where my wit or memory failed.  Thur. 
I ●ng to hear some of it. Can you say it?  Ludio. 
So, so: As we do our lessons, with a casting a leer eye sometime upon my paper.  Thur. 
It is l●ge. I will no 〈◊〉 ●le thee to say it over. Only read I pray you some of the principal points.  Ludio. 
I tell thee here be above a dozen of points. You shall have a touch of the fore-point thus.  Thur. 
I have known the time when you have had neither fore not ●d point, when you have returned from spurn point.  Ludio. 
First, I looked gravely like Cato, and withal, cheerfully like Puerilis And then to show what confidence I had in my cause, I stroked up my foretop with the comb of my finders thus. My sister had sprinkled it with rose water, and my lips too, to make my Rhetoric the sweeter.  Thur. 
No doubt rose water added a sweet sound to your words.  Ludio. 
Then I made obeisance thrice, with a nimble low stoop which I learned when we played at Duck friar. Then I cried ●m, ●em to clear my voice, and to provoke the Auditory to answer me with their gentle expectation.  Thur. 
Here is a large Entry to a low house.  Ludio. 
Then displaying my naked protesting hands, I said. O thou lovely Lord of learning, beauteous, bounteous Apollo.  
O thou ever moving Phoebus,  
Whose golden locks and silver bow,  
Embellish heaven and earth below.  
O ye assistant sister's One,  
Attend this just defence of mine.  
What law, what justice, what reason can pronounce a 'gainst Ludio the sentence of expulsion? Is not Apollo's School styled ladus literarius. Is it not Schola from {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} otium, remedy, play, relaxation? What talk we of Apollo's Court. The whole world is made free of Ludios Trade, and dances after his pipe.  
What is our life but a game, wherein some win, some lose, some idly look on, some have good fortune, and will not be known of their winnings, others have bad luck, and curse their stars and fates; Some cheat and eke, and others are befooled?  
All Dame Nature's lump is a true Ludio. If you banish Ludio, you must banish the heavens and elements.  Thur. 
What? is this brat become a Philosopher?  Ludis. 
The highest fixed stars, what do they all the year but dance their measures, and keep there their stately distances, and, to show their mirth and wantonness, they with their glaring eyes twinkle on their spectators. The Planets have variety of dances, sometime grave Pavins, otherwhile amble Galliards.  Thur. 
●e Sellinger's round.  Ludio. 
Now a pace forward, now retiring backward.  Thur. 
Like a new coranto.  Ludio. 
What sayest thou Thuriger? did not I play the Astronomer well?  Thur. 
Better then sixteen Almanac-makers, with all their Sextile aspects, and fiery triplicities.  Ludio. 
But now sir here was I put to my trumps, when I came to bring in our Lord Phoebus himself for an example, in my own defence, in his own presence. Therefore I begun with craving pardon. O Majestic Lord of the day, Moderator of the year, Ring-leader of all the glittering lamps; give poor Ludio leave to show that in the work of thy bright Regiment, thou canst not be without him. Dost thou not all the year long recreate thyself by taking the air about the hill of heaven in thy guilded caroche, drawn with four prancing horses?  Thur. 
Some mortals now adays have in their Coach more horses than Don▪ Phoebus.  Ludio. 
In this thy yearly journey thou art so frolic every spring, that thou givest our mother earth a green down.  Thur. 
That is (our Virgins say)  
A pretty kind of play.  Ludio. 
And in thy journal circle when thou comest and goest, every day and night, methinks thou playest at 〈◊〉▪ peep, and Hide and seek.  
All night it our all hid. But in the day  
We seek about. For what, say I, but play?  Thur. 
O Impudence! How durst thou base flea, skip thus high into Apollo's face. Didst thou not fear to be pierced through with the least dart of his beams?  Ludio. 
The truth is, one of Apollo's learned Council had like to pulled me down, when he told me that it was against law to produce the judge for a witness. Else I had gone on to allege his playing at Quoits with Cyparissus.  Thur. 
He would have con you small thank for that. But, how did our Lord Apollo look upon you all this while?  Ludio. 
methought he put his hand toward his quiver, and withal, shaked his golden locks. Then thought I, 'twas time for me to glide down lower, and talk of Lady Luna. Mistress Moon (quoth I) what is her monthly task, but to run a gossiping throughout all the twelve signs in the high street of the Zodiac?.  Thur. 
The sign of the Ram, the Bull: the Lion, and the rest, they are Taverns set up by Bacchus, for the gods to feast in. Are they not?.  Ludio. 
She knocks at every door, & tarries two days at the least in each of those houses. And as the Sun courts her, she makes curtsies in her round walk, sometimes bashfully putting on her Mask.  Thur. 
That is in conjunction.  Ludio. 
Otherwhile she shows her half face very demurely.  Thur. 
Half moon; like my cheese.  Ludio. 
And after that appears her broad Owls face, to allure Endymion to be in love with her.  Thur. 
The Shepherd with the bush of thorns has prevented sleepy Endymion, and gotten up thite before him.  Ludio. 
The waves in the sea, what do they, but play at truss and leapfrog on one another's back? The winds in the are perform one perpetual exercise, and that is blowpoint.  Thur. 
Sometimes they blowest the points of steeples, and this is a very high point, worth consideration.  Ludio. 
They play very merrily: and therefore we often hear them ●g and whistle.  Thur. 
Leave of now your rehearsal Ludio. Why prated you of the stars and winde●? What's this to you, and to those creatures that have bound themselves to the school trade? do the Mules play?  Ludio. 
Yes undoubtedly, the Nine Muses play at Nineholes: every Muse hath her hole  Thur. 
Yes, and every Hate hath her Muse. But what then becomes of the ten h●e?  Ludio. 
That's a great one for Apollo their Master and ours.  Praco. 
Thinkst thou, that Apollo will be moved with these reasons, to let such a vermin harbour in the pigeon house of the Mr.?  Ludio. 
do you think that I will suck their eggs? Do I look like a su● 〈◊〉? I am sure the Auditory did entertain thy speech with the sign of approbation▪ hum, hum, hum.  Thur. 
That was 〈◊〉 but the yonger sort, and those that stood at the lower end of the Session hall.  Ludio. 
I am much 〈◊〉 taken if Apollo himself did not in the end hum and 〈◊〉.  Thur. 
I think rather Apollo frowned on you.  Iud. 
I think rather that Mercury frowned on me.  Thur. 
Why Mercury? he is not there.  Ludio. 
I'll tell thee, honest Thuriger, Whilst I was in the hair of my pleading, some Villain, borne under the Planet Mercury, nims away my satchel that lay behind me.  Thur. 
What loss suffered you in that vessel?  Ludio. 
The Shipwreck of all my best householdstuff, and tools of my trade. What think you, Thuriger, does this forebode ill luck to me?.  Thur. 
I think it had been better luck, if you had been robbed of those Commodities seven years ago. But see yonder comes my Scopas.   

Actus quintus. Scena quinta.  Scopas. Turiger. Scopas. 
THey are coming hard by. Here is the frankincense. Put it in yourself.  Thur. 
This fire is almost out, stir it up.  Scopas. 
Laurel wood doth soon spend.  Thur. 
Apollo's judgement seat  
Makes all things pure and neat. Apollo's judgement, &c.   

Actus quintus. Scena sexta et vltima.  Thuriger. Scopas. Drudo. Lauriger. Praco. Musaeus. Clio. Euterpe. Philoponus. Amphibius. Siren. Ludio. Implement. Slug. Geron. Retro. N●ce. Lauriger. 
COme along, come on in rank.  Praco. 
On afore, On afore▪ Hold up the book. Give room, room, more room.  Drudo. 
We must have room, more than the whole City of Rome.  〈◊〉. 
Clio, you must sit down, and you Euterpe. Musaeus craves your assistance.  Mus. 
Praeco do your office.  Praeco. 
Silentium: et Tacete. Our Lord Apollo by his deputed judge, the venerable Musaeus, doth command silence, and chargeth all, whom it may concern, to attend the Court, and hear the charge  Musaeus. 
Our great Apollo's Palace seemeth like  
A spacious garden set with choicest flowers,  
Wherein creep up by small unlean degrees  
Unuseful, hurtful, and unsavoury weeds;  
Which overgrow and choke the better plants,  
And make the tender flowers to hang the head.  
Himself chief Gardener hath, from yonder top  
Of this our sacred hill, even now overviewed  
All that his herbage, and with curious eye  
Discerned and designed by his doom,  
What must be cherished, and what weeded out.  
Me, his unworthy servant, he appoints,  
As under-gardner, with that wholesome hook.  
To check, or nip, or toot up what he damned.  
To me by oracle he did unfold,  
What lot attends on every name enrolled.  
Praco, read the Record, and cite the names.  c2dck-048-a-2310. 
Memorandum. On Apollo's Shrove-day, being the eight and twentieth of Aquarius, in the great hall of the western top of Parnassus. Our sovereign Lord Apollo sitting in person upon oyer and terminer, after full hearing of all parties, did then and there adjourn the Court, to be presently continued at the foot of the said h●, under the Laurel, at the Temple gate, and to be there consummate by his reverend judge Musaeus.  
Nomina Reorum.  
The names of the parties sentenced by Apollo.  
Siren, the first is Siren. Appear Siren Spinster.  Phil. 
She spins nothing but spider's webs, to catch flies.  Laur. 
Siren come out What do you lurk? Appear in your likeness, and hear your doom.  Praco. 
Vous havez Si●.  Siren. 
I have a great deal more to say for myself, and for my Lady Hedone. I hope, I shall be heard.  Laur. 
You would fain be heard; because you think your tongue enchants. There is no pleading now. Apollo's doom is past.  Praeco. 
You must hear the judge, or else be pressed to death presently.  Musaeus. 
Siren, then thus for Siren.  Laur. 
Record the sentence Praeco.  Praeco. 
My pen is as nimble as your tongue.  Musaeus. 
Siren must first be searched.  So 
Sacred dispenser of Apollo's justice, I hope you will not suffer a poor Nymph to be used so immodestly. If I must be ransacked, I pray you let it be done by a jury of Muses. The three Graces, empaneled with them, will make up the whole number of twelve good women, and true.  Clio 
If I be made fore-woman of your jury,  
You shall be doomed by justice, not by fury.  Irpe. 
We Mus● envy no man,  
Much less will wrong a woman.  Musaeus. 
we shall not need to trouble you noble Clio▪ nor you sweet Euterpe. This search is only of her upper garment. Lauriger lift up her vail.  Laur. 
Come, I must love, and court thee now.  Drudo. 
O ugly a filthy fish's tail.  Musaeus. 
Pull off her head of yellow locks.  Drudo. 
O black bristles. O nasty Vermin!  Musaeus. 
This seeming glozing Nymph is nothing else, but an ugly sea▪ Monster. She is damned to return to the sea, and there to be tossed, and doused, together with Scylla, that monstrous shame of nature. But, before you kick her out, let her take a message to carry to Dame Hedone, if ere they meet again. That is, that Hedone shall ever unseparably be manacled to Lupe.  Phil. 
O just doom, that pleasure shall be always fettered to pain. Which also this false Siren proves. ●irst, a face seeming fair to meet with: but if you further go, turpem desinit in piscem mulus formosa superne.  Laur. Drudo. Praco. Philop Omnes. 
Out with her.  Amp. 
I will have one kick more at her for inveigling me: Out Bitch.— Exit Siren.  Muscus. 
On Praco. Who is next?  Praco. 
The next is Ludio. Appear Ludio Gamester. Vous bavez Ludio.  Ludio. 
Here appears poor bankrupt Ludio. I have suffered losses by misfortune.  Phil. 
What misfortune? fire? or thieves?  Ludio. 
ay sir. thieves, they have robbed me of all my brass coin, and unbound paper books. I must set up with a new stock.  Phil. 
The rogue means his cards and counters.  Muscus. 
Thou bold else, that canst not at thy trial for get thy play. Apollo fits thee with a doom, that thou shalt play uncessantly.  Ludio 
I'm glad of that A perpetual playday.  Muscus. 
And thou shalt ●ue fifty playfellows.  Ludio. 
So much good company do the better.  Muscus. 
They are the fifty daughters of Danaus; whose play is still to fetch and fetch water in a sieve. Thou must play still at dice.  Ludio. 
At dice? that's well▪ I'll cheat all those fifty wenches.  Muscus. 
But thus. Thy dice thou must put into a bottomless box. So, when thou throwest, they fall to the ground: and thou must take them up: they fall again, thou stoopest again. This is the M●ll bothering, wherein thou must run ●und eternally.  ●il. 
He that would find Lu●, must seek him at the sign of the Labour in va●e.  Ludio. 
O would I had studied when I played▪ rather than thus to play at lost labour eternally. Exit.  Praco. 
Mistress Indulgence 〈◊〉.  Phil. 
Blind fortune hath quit her of that; but she is true to her name Indulgence.  Praeco. 
Mistress Indulgence Gingle. Spinster.  Drudo. 
All the wool and flax, that ever she spun, I will eat and fear no choking.  Musaeus. 
Doth she not appear?  Drudo. 
She scoured away in her Coach with her son, and said she would dwell no longer in Thessaly, if her sons best instructor be not suffered here. And as she fled, her Coach overturned.  Muscus. 
Let her four wheels carry Apollo's curse with her, that none of her kindred shall ever get above the petty form of Apollo's school. Pass of Praco.  Praco. 
Iohn Gingle, Gentleman Would-be.  Mus. 
Apollo pronounceth that his lot must be, before he be forty years old, to spend all his five Manors upon the five Senses: Except the Mansion house of Foolingham, which is entailed to the heirs of his body woefully begotten.  Phil. 
For my part I will not be of counsel to cut off the entail.  Praco. 
Compliment, pretended Captain, alias Captain Comp. Fashionmonger.  Drudo. 
He is fled, as I hear.  Laur. 
Fled with a witness. For he flew like a bird up in the air.  Mus. 
Then has he saved us a labour. For Apollo had doomed him to be blown up with Vulcan's bellows into the middle Region of the air.  Laur. 
The boys in the outer-court of Apollo's Palace, when they perceived by Mistress jingles discontent, that the Captain was like to be banished, they prevented execution, by tying squibs to his skirts; which being fired, this light fusball mounted up into the ay● as high as a lark.  Phil 
One boy said, that this was the captain's lofty capering trick.  Drudo. 
And whither did this whirl wind carry him?  Laur. 
Who knows? But most do think to the Island of Coxcombria, a place thick impeopled with such riff-raff.  Praco. 
Jack Implement, Page to the aforesaid Compliment. Vous havez Implement.  Imp. 
Here sir, at hand. I pray you Master Musaeus be good to a poor Page. I had but a hard service under him My bed and board was scarce to the maintenance of a water-spaniel. I would sane go to school again.  〈◊〉. 
How right this boy meets with Apollo's doom Thy lot is for the school again: but there for one whole year thou must smooth out the dog's care● of all thy fellow's books; And vow to ply thy book as nimbly as ever thou didst thy Master Apery, or the haughty vaulting horse.  Imp. 
I vow, and will. Else let me ●ide our blind horse that kicks us on the back.  Enter Slugge▪ Drud. 
What Slug, could you not come along with us? You must be lag. An hour will scarce serve you, though your journey be short, and down the hill.  Slug. 
Soft fire, sweet malt  Musaeus 
The next name Praco.  Praco. 
Slim Slugge.  Drud. 
Answer to your name.  Slug. 
Hum. ha▪  Phil. 
He will not answer, unless you give him all his titles. Sluggus Sluggorum. Sl●e of Slug-hall.  Praco. 
Why then Slim Slug, Sluggum Sluggorum, slug of Slug-hall, Sleeper.  Slug. 
Here sir.  Praco. 
Vous havez Slug. Stand forth and attend the sentence.  Muscus. 
Thou night-bird, in whose nasty nest all Books and Inkhorns, and all things else are moldy, but thy bed. Yet there dost thou pig in, and pig out, without molesting the feathers by concussion.  Phil. 
Stand upright, and leave thy yawning.  Mus. 
Thou that never mayest infect the muse's habitation, Apollo doth banish thee into Lubberland.  Slug. 
Lubberland? I'm glad of that. I shall earn my fourteen pence a day there by snorting. But who shall carry me thither?  Phil. 
Nay, you must foot it thither, there lies the marrow of your punishment.  Slug. 
O that I had Tom Cortat's everlasting shoes! But ho which is the way to Lubberland? Has none of you been there Will you go with me? will you in the freeze coat? It is a fine Country. There are rivers of Muskadine, and bridges of Brawn, parks of Ven●▪ son Pasties, paled about with puddings and sausages. Hay for our town, heigh for Lubberland.  Mus. 
Praco, I think thou dreamest of Lubberland. Why do not you pass on?  〈◊〉 
Yong Novice, Apprentice.  Novice. 
Here. I pray sir, save me: I'll get my Mother to end ye. 〈◊〉 up a couple of Capons.  Mus. 
Because thou art a free man, and thy follies come of simple 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and are not deeply rooted in thee, there is hope of thy recovery. for three years thou shalt pay but an hour in the week, and all thy school time 〈◊〉 depart from the presence and guidance of Philoponus. Observe and imitate his painful diligence: so shalt thou get the muse's love, and Lord Apollo favour.  Nou. 
Thanks, many▪ thanks to him, and thee for this your clemency.  Geron. 
Good your Worship, be good to my son, his Mother will run mad for gri●.  Mas 
Thy son▪ Come hither Retro.  Retro. 
Ferem doo●is.  Geron. 
Mercy sir, mercy.  Mus. 
Apollo has accepted thy submission, and cu● of the third year of thy punishment. Arise, and show thy face, Thy tongue may now run right, & speak as other's do. You may be a forward child.  Retro. 
Thanks, O most forward thanks, for the restoring of my distorted limbs and tongue.  
Retiring Crabbe farewell. Welcome humane pace.  Mus. 
But see thou hold'st the scholars even path, nor striding fast, nor wandering from the way.  Geron. 
thanks sacred Priest I shall bring my wife joyful news.  Mus. 
Now is Apollo's garden weeded quite,  
Composed in order, swept, and cleanly dight.  
Now may each tender plant, and goodly flower  
Grow up, and th●e, by heaven's assisting power.  
Praco, dissolve the Session.  Praco. 
Oyez, Our sovereign Lord Apollo, having held and finished his Visitation, dischargeth all suitors, parties, and homagers from their attendance in this place; and licenseth all his subjects and servants, to depart to their sever all habitations.  Mus. 
vincat Apollo. Regnet Apollo.  Clio. 
It joys my heart, that we poor Muses,  
Now have redress of our abuses.  Vincat Apollo. Euterpe. 
Before alas I mourned and wept:  
But now I joy: our school is swept.,  Regnet Apollo. Omnes. 
Vincat Apollo, Regnet Apollo.    

Epilogue.  

RIght Worthy Burgomasters, gentle Dames,  
Accept (we pray) our hasty huddled games;  
Who thus employ our parts, our pains most gladly,  
In hope to please our Mother Town of Haly.  
And thus with this our homely shroving dish,  
A merry Shrovetide to you all we wish.   

T●s late▪ methinks I spy some drowsy head,  
Whose yawning, nodding toll a peal to bed▪  
If any such be here, we'll take them napping,  
And all to box their ears with loud hand-clapping.   
Plaudite.   
FINIS.