Laus Pediculi: OR AN APOLOGETICAL SPEECH, Directed to the Worshipful Masters and Wardens of Beggars HALL..  
Written in Latin by the learned DANIEL HEINSIUS.  
And from thence translated into English by JAMES GVITARD, Gentleman.  
LONDON, Printed by THO. HARPER. 1634.   

TO THE HONOURABLE HENRY, Lord CARY, Baron of Leppington, etc.  
My Lord,  
'tIS confessed, that Authors should be as proper in their Dedication, as apposite in their expression. Nor know I which is the greater felicity. For the latter, let but the Censurer become a Reader, and I think the Work will vindicate itself; though the name of the famous Composer may be enough. The former I must defend: whether the Present be according to the Presentee, honourable; the Author would make a man believe it so: and if it be not, yet let the plea be heard afore condemnatory sentence. Howsoever, let me not be mistook; my dedication is in the abstract, the strain of wit. Let Poets (for I count this Pamphlet but poetical prose) be in the same degree of privilege with Painters. It undervalueth not the Pencil of the herein admirable, Adrian Brower, that his drawghts be but revelling Beggars and drunken Boars: Stultitiam simulare loco sapientia summaest. So the lively expression of natural rudeness, to the eye of apprehensive curiosity, may seem the height of artificial featness. My Lord, you have a transcendency above others from Nature and Fortune. Nor can such a qualified Spirit affect but transcendent objects: among which I suppose this to be such Chemistry of conceit, as can extract a specious discourse, not from a barren but a contrary subject. This doth the Translator present together with himself,  
To your Lordship in all devotion of service, I. G.   

Laus Pediculi: Directed to the Worshipful Masters and Wardens of Beggars HALL..  
Aldermen Canters,  
THE Ancient Writers have delivered, that Opinion is Sacer morbus, which is of that power, that on whomsoever it lightly breatheth, it doth (as it were) fetter him with chains, and doth not suffer his eyes never so little to peep towards the dawning truth. But this is chief to be deplored, that having once taken possession of the judgement, whereon the welfare of mankind doth depend, it commandeth the suffrages and voices, and swayeth on that which is forestalled with fancy. Nay, in troth, she herself doth execute the place of judicature. Who is so forlorn of sense, as not to confess that this is apparent in our defendants cause? This same Louce, a creature of fame, and common note, man's familiar guest, & retainer, born and bred of him, his home-batled nursling, and cherished with the warmth of the same hearth, borne to the communion of Fortune, & tutelar dependency, & allied in the sacred tie of any other domestic relation: yea, your ever trusty companion suffers under the tyrannical oppression of men, and is made by them as contemptibly infamous as they can: and is not only banished from sea and land, but also is most barbarously expelled and ejected from the body of man, which is his only seat of life and maintenance. The cause whereof being demanded, it will be found no other but merely Opinion. The which to have fully driven out of the mind, I think it much availing to the safety of this defendant, whom the more earnestly to commend unto you, I think it sufficient to notify unto you his commendable properties. First of all, they say the very name is infamous, heaven help us! which is derived from the most fashionable part of the body (as they themselves dare not deny:) first men did call him pedem or foot; afterwards by a loving and flattering appellation they called him pediculum, with as honest a name as either Oedipus or Polypus, which have the same Etymology. See therefore, and thoroughly view the force of Opinion; no man thinks it ugly to say pediculorum montem, populos pediculos, pediculorum agrum, sive flumen, a hill of Lice, a nation of Lice, a field and river of Lice, that I meddle not with the Lice of leaves and fruits. Although the Romans would not see them want illustrious and magnificent names, as when they called them Serpents, or creepers, and Sexupedes or sixfooted creatures; Yet the Grecians much less would; which amongst other names have given him one from the very shop of reason, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the brain of man. The Hebrews have named him also from a powerful word canan, which signifies with them to lay a foundation, (from whence can, a pedestal, foot, or foundation;) either because they are the foundation, of greater animals, or else because they are supported of many feet, as upon a basis. Therefore they are called cinnim, by that most ancient nation. The Greek Septuagint called them 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, not as being other cattles (which we ever deemed) but from their compass, because 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is as much to say, as little or small. Whence the Chaldeans also from their pinched and concised body called them cimlin, and the Arabians camla: meaning this self same creature. Nor need any one be ashamed hereof, seeing valour either excuseth or commendeth the thinness and contractednesse of their body, which also every one admires in Pismires, unto whom the Ancients do ascribe mighty wisdom. Nor do our clients also when they fall upon man's flesh, behave themselves less valiantly, as that every one deserve the same commendation which the Prince of Poets gives to that great Hero.  
Tydeus was but of stature small,  
Yet of his warlike hands was tall.  
Although our defendant thinks it doth not concern him at all, by what names he is styled: Which excellent humour of indifferency, doubtless he took from the Stoics, when he lived heretofore grazing in their beards and brows. Furthermore, whereas both Orators and Philosophers do fetch the root and original of praise from ones native soil; (which Plato approoves of also in his Menexenus, our Spark was borne neither at Athens, nor Rome; which Cities have been praised and celebrated by great Orators, even until the hearer's ears were cloyed. The native soil of the Louce is Man; whose worth and prerogative to blazen, were but a silly and idle enterprise: who as he is only endued with Reason, so hath also Reason impallaced in his loftiest and most topping part, to wit, the head. And this hath our Client made choice of deservedly, as a castle and fort of great importance. Hear he is bred, here he is brought up, here his estate and maintenance subsisteth; of this is he the native inhabitant and free denizen, scorning the lower regions, and as ancient Poets said prettily, 
There is no greater good  
Than a good neighbourhood.   
He hath the mind, he hath the understanding, he hath prudence and wisdom for his neighbours, and almost familiars, so that the ass, which hath the least portion of these, a dull and lumpish creature, only knows not what it is to have a Louce, as it is commonly believed. On the contrary, these most prudent mortal creatures do besides man, the divine and truly chiefest creature, pursue also most eagerly the dog and the nightingale, whom they perceive to be of most excellent wit, that it might be verified what first Homer, and then Aristotle have said, Like will to like.  
It was a happiness of wit that made the Ancients to surname Plato divine, whose Lice are become a Proverb. To omit Pherycides, and Alcman, whose tickling adherents these were to the last gasp. The chief gentry of them are imparked in the head.  
The meaner yeamondry  
Do billet scatteringly.  
For they do almost every where send their colonies and make plantations in the apparel, in the eyebrows, in the beard; though not all of the same kind, and form. If you look after the antiquity of their pedigree, you must continue it beyond Erichteus and Cecrops, even unto the times of Deucalion. For as soon as the stones wax warm with humane breath, our Client succeeded that warmth; who ever since hath judged to be best for him, to keep himself out of the cold as much as he can. Man therefore is borne of stone, but the Lice are borne of Man. So much the nobler in his original, as a man is nobler than a stone. Aristotle would have them bred of the flesh, but Theophrastus of the blood, both the most noble and prime parts of the body, (as every one knoweth.) And they say they are born by corruption. Cruel Authors! thinking to batter down innocency by this engine. Suffer not (my Canting Lords) that before your Bar, ignorance should prejudice and distress the cause of this defendant, against the truth. For if they go on so, it will be the same case with man, the same case with all other living creatures. For as from the corruption of blood is sperm, so from the corruption of sperm both man and all other living are bred. What more beautiful than a Peacock? it is borne from an egg corrupted. What is more prudent than the Bee? what more cleanly? what more needful in the world? yet is borne from the corruption of an Ox For Nature doth beget nothing of another, but so, as that something is corrupted; and by this way doth preserve all things. Whereupon Pythagoras excellently said that nothing dyeth, but all things in this world are only changed. Yea, on the contrary (so heavens prosper me) you will say, it is wonderfully come to pass, that after the one and the same manner, two famousest creatures are created, the Louce and the Phoenix; one from his parents ashes; the other of a Nit; as not without cause the most eminent Authors do conjoin and compare the original of both. If you believe Aristotle that there proceedeth nothing from a Nit, than you will make the first author of a Louce, the deputy of Deity, I mean, The Universal heat; which the Arabes, not without cause, have called, The Creator; unto which, when this creature is to be procreated, the natural heat is adjoined. Now if you search into his education; as soon as the Louce enters into the Lease of his life, he is instituted in those arts & disciplines, which he thinketh are most conducing and importing for his course of life: he learneth not Swimming, because he liveth upon the continent; nor learning and sciences, in that he seethe these do no ways avail their teachers, for the most part, unto the attaining of virtue. Therefore being most an end busied in husbandry and domestic affairs, all the spare time remaining from the exercise and care of feeding, it bestoweth on contemplation, and rest: and herein liveth most of all like the Gods; whom Homer giveth this Epithet of Easy Livers: for he doth not seek his forage, but hath his victuals in a cupboard, ready for his mouth; wheresoever he turns himself he falls to what is afore him, without any servicing. To omit another thing which is common to them with Homer's Deities, 
On bread they do not feed,  
Nor drink what Grapes do bleed.   
They do not manure or till the ground, but gently twitch and prick man's flesh. If you demand the constitution of their body, it doth almost escape the eyesight. Curious Nature hath woven together their members with such exceeding fineness, as that they fall under the intellect, and are almost invisible; wherein they are of affinity with incorporeal things, who by their excellency, are above the senses, being to be apprehended only by reason. And also with the atoms wherewith Leucippus in his contemplative architecture, Democritus, and Epicure Carpenter-like, made the world off, which therefore a Roman Poet of the Retinue of Epicures did call The material bodies, The first bodies, The principles, The seeds of things, and The matter. But especially Acarus or the Handworme, known unto Aristotle, hath this affinity with atoms, which hath almost got the same name; howsoever of the same signification: for it can neither be divided, nor cleft, nor scarce seen: which if it should offer itself to the eye, and every particular member to be viewed: I would make you presently see first the Lice, and also the concurrence of hooked, rough, and smooth Atoms. Now it hath made choice of a quiet and and retired course of life, not fluttering as birds do, nor skip-hopping as a flea, but according to the dignity of his life, stable, and still: he walketh with a slow, and gravely composed gate: nor doth he seem to embrace any point of Philosophy more than the Pythagorean silence; for nothing disturbeth more the intentiveness of the mind, than a hurry, and a bustling noise: which intentiveness being continual, it surmounts the bliss of man. Neither is he altogether idle, and abstaining from action, for he is always feasting and cramming. Aristotle said well, that Man is a sociable creature, and therefore the foundation, and ground of a Commonwealth. The which no man (unless he never saw him) but knoweth may as pertinently be said of this our client: for they live in familiar society one with another, and with man also: it is not so easily judged what kind of form they commonly use; only it is not much different from a popular State, for they are esteemed by the number; and are not transcended in judgement and worth by the plebeians; and they march to war not in long ranks, and wedgewise-squadrons: but in clustered and round troops; nor have they mutinously any civil conflicts among themselves, which in mankind is both mad and horrid, but they encounter and bicker with man himself, whom oftentimes they conquer triumphantly: nor are they less constant in their leagve of of friendship with man, nay they surpass him in fidelity, for 
When the merry store is spent,  
Friends than shrink, and do absent,  
For all fortunes share not bend:  But a Louce is a constant stickler to a man: and neither comes nor goes with fortune; but is chiefly delighted with adverse (that is yours) fortune; so generous and nobly minded he is, for he is a true companion and attendant to poverty: 
It shuns the Court and stately Gates  
Of the wealthy Potentates.   
Wherefore as Scipio anciently said, that he was never less at leisure, then when he was at leisure: so I also do think that you (Mendicant Senators) are never less alone, then when you are alone in prison and chains: for you have about you perpetual and trusty companions, that do accompany you to the very Gallows, but especially the Crab-lice, which do take up their station in your Codpiece, Armpits, Beards, and Eyebrows: for what place soever they do gripingly seize on, they keep their hold until the last gasp. Concerning the rest, it is exceeding wonderful, and almost incredible, what I shall tell you; for as famous Authors do relate, that the great and tutelar gods of the Trojans did abandon the city, upon the Grecians sacking of it: so these also do when they perceive any body marked for death, they pack away by troops, and this observation never failed the wisest Physicians and Philosophers. Whereupon some have thought that these have a prophetical faculty in divining. Beholding the measure and compass of their body, you will think they are able to achieve either little, or nothing, but 
Read the renown and doubted deeds of them,  
And learn the worth of their heroic stem,   
You will presently change your opinion, for whether it be through an ingenious modesty, or else took up with other affairs, they do contemn Chronicles, they do conceal their praises and valiant acts, men being never the sorryer for it. Scylla the chief man of the world, and Commander of the Romans, who vanquished Marius twice, and twice Mithridates, who dismantled and sacked Athens, who besmeared all Italy with slaughters: This man, I say, they did invade with troops; to say nothing of Arnulphus, Antiochus, Herode, Maximinian, Pheretimus, Honorius, Cassander: all Kings and Princes: not descending to relate of private personages, over whom they got most illustrious victories, encountering them weaponless and souldierlesse: as that if I have any judgement, my Client may deservedly challenge, and assume to himself this encomiasticke title out of the Greek, 
I thus a Louce, do men and Tyrants tame,  
And of dread Themis I a Sergeant am.   
I would have given you the Latin, but that Pediculus, runs from a Roman verse; more friendly complying with the Greeks, as he hath reason; though he is courteous and sociable enough with others, that he hath begun the least familiarity with: for he doth not gash, nor hurt any one, but only tickles them, unless whom he invades in a troop, wherein (as Socrates saith in Plautus Phoedon) 'tis a question whether it be a greater pain, or pleasure: but that if there be any pain, it is the progenitor of pleasure; which dainty kind of tickling, (my Lords) I think you are so taken with, as that I imagine, it is your chiefest and most luscious relishment of your poor and miserable condition. Often have I seen with what expressive delight, you use to rubbe and scratch, sometimes your back, sometimes your head, sometimes your sides, sometimes another part, to which this your guest doth give the gentle itching twitch: for if Pleasure be as Plato saith, but a mere repletion, and that rising from indigency: I wonder if you can bring any other cause of that your so mighty fricative pleasure, but this your accused defendant, whom (I will tell you a pretty jest) by all your scratching of your head, and scrubbing of your body, you destroy never a whit the more, but multiply him. The Philosophers can tell you the cause hereof. What will you say and they prove Chirurgeons, for the best approved Physicians do confess, that it is good to have louse in the head. As for their death, with what wonderful courage, how undauntedly do they suffer. For many times (being now at death's door, shaking hands with all the world, and scaffoled upon the very comb, the usual place of execution, he walketh about securely, without being moved in mind at all; that he might do nought contrary to the dignity of his forepast life, or scandalise his credit, whereof noble and brave spirits are ever especially cheery. Augustus Caesar is said to have wished for an easy departure, and quick riddance in his death, which this creature (I think) only hath, for he is not martyred with linger and chronical, for with smart and acute pangs: he feels not the pleurisy, Stone, or wind-colic, I guess, because at his birth, Venus stood in the eight place from the horoscope, which as the Mathematicians do well declare, doth prognosticate a most easy and unpaining death to mortals; among whom, our Client is not the lowest in degree. Thus he is gone, but with the turning of a thumb; herein only to be lamented, because he suffers undeservingly, though not therefore the more miserable, for no man in his rectified judgement, can call calamitous innocency, infelicity: which they say Socrates said also before his death, when some of his friends did therefore grieve, that so good a man as he should suffer so undeservingly. Now the most part are extinguished with untimely death, and therefore without Pomp, Shows, and a Herald, with a private, not a solemn funeral: they are exposed, rather than reposed in their tombs, perhaps because they die in their minority, and before they come to age: wherefore commonly they decease intestate. These are but a few commendations, culled and flosculated out of many: for who dares hope to be able for to display them all. Since the top of all knowledge, and oracle of wisdom, Homer, (if the Greeks' may be believed) could not unfold the nature of this his perpetual companion in a riddle: 
What we took, we left, and what  
We could not take, we do bring that.   
And overcome with fretting at so high a mystery, fairly made a die on't. Perhaps it was in just judgement too, for some do think, that some where in his verses, he spoke contemptuously and unreverently of his Worship: especially the Grammatians thinks so, which have never stood ill affected to this our Client, being his hereditary friends and familiars.  
Now you Fathers and Peers of the beging regiment) take all heed hereafter what you do: for if you please to inflict a penalty on them, you may with a trice confine and banish them; for they may be either gently set down to the ground, or else in your courtesy they may be merrily & judiciously bestowed upon another; where they may live as they did afore, and change nothing but the place; you have example for it, & reformation in a matter of consequence is never too late. You cannot choose but know that the Indians, ever since the Gymnosophists, have been held the wisest of men, and almost the only sages. It is reported that that there is among them a Bancan nation, so named in that part, which now they call Guzzarat, who almost only conceiving of the excellency and endowments of this admirable creature, do cherish, harbour, and welcome it, as much as they can. Now as he is wonderfully multiplying and increasing, after that his numerous offspring is begun to be diffusedly propogated, 
Where children's children thronged be,  
And their nephewed progeny.  That nation calleth for a Priest out of a desert, who receiving them with his hallowed hands, putteth them in his head, for their honest education. Some when they catch them, lay, and hide them in chinks of walls; and if any one in their presence do go about to kill them, they make intercession with their tears, and prayers, to forbear such a sin in in their sight: and if all be in vain, they give a golden ransom for their lives, and pay it down on the nail. With these the wisest nation, the jews do agree, who in their Talmud or Canon-law, do censure the murderer of a Louce on the Sabbath day, and hold it unlawful to look for Lice by their Sabbath candles If you never heard of this, now at last be moved, and let your conscience feel some compunction: Be merciful to them, I adjure you by the ghosts of their martyred predecessors. Spare your miserable suppliant conquered, cousins and kindred, that are borne of you, that are bred by you, which tend on you, follow you, and adhere to you; which are ready to undergo either fortune with you. Beware, lest you apostatise from truth, by idolatrizing upon only fancy, or maintaining stiffly a conceit aggravated with felony.  Vivat Pediculus. 
FINIS.